#unacceptable. get their ass >:( (/j)

[pomegranatesarchive]

it’s never over | sebastian vettel

pairing: sebastian vettel x actress!reader

summary: ten fateful years ago, y/n and sebastian vettel broke up, breaking hearts all over the world. present day, y/n starts leaving small hints about finding another lover. the world goes crazy.

liked by redbullracing, and 284,920 others!

ynandsebplscomeback: we are gathered here today, to mourn the loss of yn and sebastian vettels relationship. 10 years ago today, their breakup was announced, shattering the hearts of millions. please, we ask for a ten minute silence from you all, thank you.

view comments below!

user1: pls-i can’t take this rn 💔

user2: IT BEEN TEN YEARS??????

user3: ten depressing ass years

user4: the way we all thought they were coming back when they were sennas memorial tribute 🧍

user5: THEY WERE TALKING AND GIGGLING IT UP!!!!!! THEY TRICKED US 💔

redbullracing: 💔💔.

user6: i honestly think nobody was more hurt about the breakup then the redbull admin. they have been liking y/n+seb content since they broke up 😭😭

user7: THEY BROKE UP SO SEB COULD FOCUS ON HIS CAREER. HE NO LONGER HAS A CAREER SO THEY NEED TO GET BACK TOGHER RIGHT NOW.

user8: i remember when seb announced his retirement and everyone was so happy??? because this meant a more chance of y/n and him getting back together 😭

user9: i can’t do this right now. maybe tomorrow. not today.

user10: everyday i pray they get back together, today i will pray harder.

liked by redbullracing, charles_leclerc, and 837,205 others!

yourusername: calm days 💗

view comments below!

user11: no….no…no this can’t be

user12: who tf is that

user13: WHAT IS THIS?? ON THE TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY?? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

user14: m-maybe that’s seb?? pls cmon tell me it’s seb. y/n i beg.

user15: you’re dating another white man and it ISNT seb??? this is unacceptable.

redbullracing: why would you do this to me

yourusername: ?

user16: DONT. do not. question mark us right now.

user17: THAT ISNT SEB Y/N AND YOU KNOW IT.

user18: guys don’t worry!! that’s definitely seb!! just look at the finger tips…i compared them to other pictures of seb and it’s literally him!

user19: this is what crazy looks like

charles_leclerc: 🤩🤩

user20: WHAT DO YOU KNOW CHARLES

user21: SEE because if it WASNT seb charles definitely wouldn’t have commented. he’s the biggest y/n+seb shipper, behind the redbull admin ofc

user22: unless i see that man man’s face, and im 1003847% certain it isn’t seb. i will continue to believe that it is sebastian and they reconnected and are planning to live happily ever after 😝😝

user23: can you guys stop harassing y/n for moving on after 10 years 😑😑

user24: seb and y/n haven’t dated anyone since they split. i feel like it’s time for her to move on. this is good for her

liked by yourusername, scuferiaferrari, and 962,927 others!

sebastianvettel: calmer days!

view comments below!

user25: wait a damn minute

user26: ITS HAPPENING STAY CALM EVERYONE STAY FUCKING CALM

user27: that’s y/ns leg. i fucking know it.

user28: AND HER HAND!! ITS HER FUCKING HAND GUYS!!

user29: WAR IS OVER

user30: omg wait i’m crying

user31: istg if this turns out to NOT be y/n. i will be killing myself.

redbullracing: are those the birds chirping? the sun shining?

user32: i know admin is jump in up and down in happiness

user33: OKAY GUYS WIAT WAIT WAIT J BEED TO PROCESS THIS. I NEED TIME

charles_leclerc: ❤️❤️

user34. HE KBEW!! HE FUCKING KNEW!!

user34: wait he knew….

user34: YOU FUCKING KNEW AND DIDNT SAY ANYTHING FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG?? YOU SICK SICK FUCK

user35: nobody will ever understand how happy i am right now

liked by redbullracing, yourusername, and 1,730,026 others!

sebastianvettel: happy one year anniversary to my beautiful beautiful wife ❤️❤️ here’s to many more!

view comments below!

redbullracing: what

redbullracing: is this a joke?

redbullracing: please don’t mess with me like this

redbullracing: OMG

redbullracing: OH MY GOD

user36: holy. fucking. shit.

user37: you sick fuckers. YOU HAVE SEEN WHAT YOUR BREAKUP CAUSED AND ALL THIS TIME YOUVE BEEN MARRIED???

user38: FOR A WHOLE ASS YEAR NO LESS

user39: i don’t know if im happy that your married or mad that you LET ME THINK YOU WERE STILL BROKEN UP

user40: so many mixed emotions rn

user41: this is making my head hurt…in a good way

user42: THIS MEANS THEY WERE TIGTHER DURING THE SENNA TRIBUTE. I FUCKING KNEW IT.

charles_leclerc: happy one year 👏👏❤️

user43: okay but how did charles keep this a secret…

user44: RIGHT?? i feel liked he’d be the first to accidentally say something 😭

liked by sebastianvettel, charles_leclerc, and 964,016 others!

yourusername: my beautiful beautiful husband 💗 one year down! many more to come!!

view comments below!

redbullracing: my god it’s real…

redbullracing: MY GOD ITS REAL

redbullracing: AHHHHHH

user45: this is the most relatable thing ever

user46; thank you gods 🙏🙏🙏

user47: ive reached peak happiness

user48: okay but when are we getting wedding pics???🤨

user49: NO FUCK THIS. i need a timeline of EVERYTHING. when they met, when the got together, when they b-broke up, WHEN THEY STARTED DATING AGAIN??, when they got engaged, AND WHEN THEY GOT FUCKING MARRIED???

user50: what kills me is that we will probably never get this information 💔💔

user51: i can die peacefully now, thank you y/n ❤️

. . .

notes; my first seb smau, hope you enjoy!! :)

[buckyalpine]

Exhibitionist Bucky

Exhibitionism, possessive, feral Bucky. This is just filth, forgive me. 

There's only one time Bucky is okay with you calling him James. He loves being your Bucky, your baby, your baby bear. 

However. 

The one time he wants you calling him by his first name is when he’s balls deep in you, railing you with his cock. 

“J-JAMES”

“That’s right mama, let everyone know whose making you feel so good” He lets out a dark chuckle, gripping your hips, slamming you down to meet his thrusts, spearing his cock in and out of you. He fucks you hard enough, the sound proof walls fail to do their job, your wanton moans easily carrying down the halls. 

You sound like an absolute whore and he loves it. 

He loves the way your eyes roll back, chanting and calling for him, unable to form a single coherent thought while he utterly wrecks you. The only thing you manage to get out is his name and it makes him feral, knowing the whole compound can hear how slutty and needy you are just for him. 

“Say my name, say my fuckin’ name” He grits out, pounding you against the door harder, the obscene squelch of your sopping cunt nearly as loud as your wails. “C’mon, say it princess, I want ‘em to hear” 

There's no doubt he’s possessive little shit so when a new agent gets too close to your for his liking, he’s 100 times worse. Bucky knows the guy can’t do much, having to fly the jet after a mission but still. He has to make a point of showing the guy exactly who you belong to. He pops open the button of your tac pants, hushing your feeble protests, puling you onto his lap, your back to his chest,  spreading your legs apart. 

He makes quick work of the zipper, slipping his hand down your panties, humming when he feels your swollen clit, rubbing you slowly while you bite back your moans, squeezing your eyes shut hoping to silence yourself.

Unacceptable. 

He plunges two fingers into your entrance without warning, pumping them in and out of you, drawing out a needy whine. He knows your trying to hard to control yourself, curling his fingers deeper while holding your down with his arm splayed across your waist. 

“James p-please-”

“Sound so pretty when you call for me baby” He purrs against your ear, pumping them faster, your voice getting higher and higher, your hands clawing at his leather jacket. He’s hitting that spot in you that makes your vision go white, squirming on his lap, your thighs spreading apart all on their own. 

Bucky knows that sound, his eyes feral, trained on the way he fucks you with his fingers, determined to get you to lose your voice but the time he’s done with you. “Go on babydoll, make a mess, c’mon, get your panties wet baby, wet yourself for daddy” 

“JAAMESSS” 

Your screams bounce off the walls of the jet as you squirt, soaking his hand, too lost in pleasure to care about the agent, whose knuckles are white with the grip he has on the wheel. 

But that isn’t good enough. 

Bucky needs the guy to cum in his pants like a pathetic little boy, hearing how broken and gone you sound for him. 

You pant on his thigh while he kisses your sweaty temple, while working at the buckles of his pants, pulling them down just enough to free his leaky cock. He yanks your pants down just below your ass; your gasp turns into a slutty moan when he pulls you back onto his lap, rubbing his swollen tip through your puffy, sensitive folds. He pushes his hips up, letting his cockhead breech your cunt, groaning when you sit back, taking in his full length. 

You’re so dizzy with pleasure and need, you blindly reach to hold onto his knees as you start to move up and down, impaling yourself on his cock, your slick making salacious sounds you can’t even hide. 

“Thats it mama, ride me, ride this cock” Bucky’s head is thrown back, hitting the wall of the jet, chest heaving watching you greedily bounce on his cock, “Whose cock do you ride baby, say it” 

“JAMESJAMESJAMES” You chant over and over again, tears streaming down your face, the veins along his cock throbbing. 

“That’s right babygirl, scream for me, fucking scream!” He starts to meet your thrusts, fucking up into you with a bruising grip on your hips, your body going limp, head falling back onto his shoulder. You let him manhandle you like a ragdoll, the pleasure in your belly winding up tighter than before. 

“OH FUCK JAMESSSS” Your clench and squeeze around his cock as your second high washes over you, making Bucky growl against your neck, his pace growing sloppy. 

“That’s it, so messy for me babygirl, m’gonna make a mess too, gonna fill that little pussy up princess, fuck me, m’gonna make such a mess for you fuck-oh shittt” He wrapped his arms around your pliant body, hugging you tightly as he spills himself into you, moaning into your skin. He doesn’t pull out until you’ve landed, the jet touching the ground rougher than usual. 

“M’sleepy baby bear” You mumble as he helps straighten out your suit before wrapping your legs around his waist so he can carry you out, lips pressing soft kisses onto your sex flushed skin. 

“Let’s go take a nap princess” 

Bucky smirks when he notices the agent shudder, poorly adjusting himself to hide the wet stain on his pants. 

Mission accomplished. 

[taevincii]

A little PSA:

There has been some backlash towards the anon who sent in the ‘darkest confession’, which is unacceptable and uncalled for.

Due to that, the post has been deleted BUT there are a few things I would like to get off my chest:

The rude and derogatory comments/assumptions about this individual and their personal hygiene based off a literal joke are absurd and distasteful.

Furthermore, the notion that body hair is unhygienic is not only scientifically inaccurate but perpetuates harmful societal pressures on women, which are fundamentally unjust and very fucking damaging.

Are we going to act like we all don’t have body hair? Like we’ve never forgotten to shave or put off shaving for too long? Lmao

Those of you who get waxed, do you not have to wait 3-4 weeks before your next appointment? What is that hair looking like by week 3? Would you consider that unhygienic?

Exactly. Wrap that discourse up immediately, quickly, and with urgency.

To those who felt what was said was insulting to J - you’re obligated to feel how you feel but, just know, the anon has made it clear that it was a joke and they meant no harm.

The gag is, it was also a fact…lol. His beard doesn’t connect. End of discussion. You can compare it to whatever you want 🤷🏽‍♀️

Friendly reminder - if you:

Cannot take a joke (especially dark humor)

Don’t support women/Aren’t a “girl’s girl”

Use harmful rhetoric

Are racist, sexist, xenophobic, Homophobic(!!!), etc

Support that Copper Coated Conman (y’all know who)

Are not mature enough to simply unfollow or scroll past content you don’t like/don’t agree with

My page is NOT for you!

To the anon who sent in the ask - I am genuinely sorry for the way people have reacted. You do not deserve that and should never have been subjected to such cruel treatment.

Please know, you and your wonderful sense of humor are welcome here and my DMs are always open if you ever want to chat about J and his patchy ass beard 😘❤️

p.s I hate making posts like these - I would like this to be the last. So can we all please act like we got some damn sense and decorum?! Thank you and God bless 😘

[campchitaquamemories]

Waiting for the episode next season where The Doctor lands on a random-ass planet, gets asked who he is, pulls out the psychic paper, and all at once people are deferring to him, calling him by a specific name he’s never heard before, mentioning how the [title of someone important] will be so thrilled to hear from him. He plays along, because The Doctor is a “yes, and” guy. And it turns out he’d held the psychic paper with his left hand, and displayed the signet ring of the second son of the [important person title], so the entire planet believes he is Rogue’s partner, and treats him as such. Bonus points if we get to see, like, Rogues childhood (or whatever) bedroom, and find out he came across some ancient earth artifacts (D&D books and dice) and got hyperfixated on them. Even better if we’re still in the “mythical” part of this era of Doctor Who because there could be a D&D-esque monster involved somehow. Also we maybe get a glimpse at why he abandoned his home planet to become a bounty hunter (or abandoned his home planet to travel the stars with his former partner). So The Doctor has to go find Rogue because telling his family that he’s dead or gone is unacceptable. And then J Groff can come back as Rogue randomly as a Guest Star and he can be the River Song of the new era.

[superm4ks]

im very happy max won but the more i think about his pole being taken away/vsc or safety car not being deployed immediately/the flip flopping bw dwys n yellows and green flags etc. the more cynical i feel about the sport🙁what do u think? is this weekend an outlier or is this j how things are now? common sense out of the window, decisions taking ages…

UMMM I'll hold ur hand when I say this but Qatar definitely wasn't an outlier, prolly the most egregious showing since the sprint in Brazil, but F1 always has like 4 races in every season where u kinda wonder if ur watching a sport 😐 This gonna get long but theres some important context I think ur asking for here also I kinda lose it at the end I'm sorry but yuh.

Saur after Vegas everybody was like omfg daddy Marques is here to save us, he addressed some basic track issues and nobody got fucking paralyzed by a pothole exploding thru their ass hurray, so there was hope that maybe Marques was off to a better start than his predecessors and wud maybe give the fans a better ending to the season. But putting Qatar after Vegas is like quizzing somebody on shapes and then asking them to solve a rubriks cube or whtvr.

Qatar was originally built for motogp so the whole thing is designed to be quick and relentless. That means lots of medium to high speed corners, long straights basically 2 hours of edging ur braking. Most drivers consider it a cool track, very demanding sure but fun to drive. For us fans, though, its an odd 1 because theres no reference points so it can be hard to follow. Think of it as the opposite of tracks like Miami or Monaco. RC did a particularly heinous job here because Qatar was Marques' first taste of a track where u either plug the first leak in record time or the whole thing goes to shit. Like, his job.

A lil lesser known fact is that they had Marques on double duty that weekend because the person who replaced him to direct the F2 heat got the boot before her plane even landed and they had NO one else to do it. So Marques had to direct both the f1 AND the f2 Qatar races the same weekend. And thats not all. Just before his inaugural run in Vegas he had just been at the helm of the iconic Macau GP that saw 12 red flags in 40 minutes of qualifying. I wont even tell u how many SC were deployed but only 12 out of 27 drivers finished the race. Ugo my most beloved won so this has nothing to do wid Qatar and Macau and the way its used by the FIA in terms of junior development is a can of worms I cant open rn but like just to show u thats the type of shit Marques had been dealing wid on a weekly basis once we got to Qatar. So truly bro never stood a chance.

When Alexs mirror fell on track the only possible course of action is to get it OFF. Idc if u wanna do VSC or a full SC u need to clear that track NOWWWWW. 3 cars caught strays from that mf before a SC was even deployed. To fuck up that badly that early in the race just showed exhaustion, it showed immaturity and frankly it showed incompetence. Its unacceptable. Wud a different RD have reacted earlier? who tf knows tbh, because these 'mistakes' always happen and they're always dismissed as 'one of those crazy ones' in the season and nothing ever gets done to improve the standards of the personnel ((theres no personnel left btw)).

Then u got the long awaited return of the stop and go and drive thru pens which was super forced and made no sense and immediately showed why those bitches been sat in a corner catching dust because theres literally always better alternatives and they almost never serve actual officiating purposes. 'Precedence' means fuck all if u also have the 'precedence' of not fucking doing that and being way more consistent and delivering better racing. But ohhhh he had to stop in the pits and THEN he had to go back out ohhh he had to go thru an area of the track thats not the right one and lose a bunch of time and become essentially worthless in the race we love when competitive cars do that. Sorry this isnt directed at u I just have a very particular beef wid fans who act like drive thrus and stop and go's are these celestial artifacts that are gonna restore balance in the universe like the harder u throw the book at these drivers the better the product will become. I cud live 200 lives and not have enough time to explain how thats the actual furthest thing from the truth but ur innocent and ily so lets regroup. ❤️ My actual conclusion to ur q is that this is how things have always been and no they're not likely to improve. Unfortunately I gotta borrow even more of ur time to show ur how truly bleak it cud get real soon.

FIA been circulating a bunch of changes to their rules that are prolly gonna be approved at their general assembly in about 10 days. These 'new statutes' include 1) changing the governing bodys ethics rules so that Sulayem can in fact talk to drivers however the fuck he wants and THEY will be held in contempt for criticizing him 2) the 'compliance officer' responsible for overseeing Sulayems spending cannot report to an independent committee and propose an investigation unless directly asked by the Senate President who .. and ur not gonna believe this .. is appointed directly by Sulayem. 3) yes u understood it correctly FIA will prolly become a system where the FIA president and the president of the senate that he chose decide each other's fate in any ethics inquiry.

Sulayem is up for re-election and its becoming more and more likely that hes gonna run unopposed. A sporting director, a technical director, multiple heads of mobility, communications, legal affairs, the women in motorsport commission, several race directors, stewards, a compliance officer, deputy directors. All fired under his watch. Dozens of others quit.

Stewarding has become so abysmal Max received a one place grid drop AND a penalty point as a mitigating punishment for something he literally didnt do under circumstances that didnt warrant any type of punishment let alone a mitigating one like the document literally says that 'unusually, neither car was on a push lap' because if they had been on a push lap max wud have received a 3 place grid drop but 1 and 63 were not on push laps so naturally we have to give Max a one place grid drop and a penalty point for not doing the thing that he would've been punished for had he done it. This isnt even the most controversial or confusing aspect of this years Qatar race. Im gonna kill m

So about ur cynicism and ur concern and ur general discomfort wid how the future is looking. When the GPDA posted that ig statement telling Sulayem to watch his tone and asking where the money was, these proposed changes to the ethics commission and the financial oversight were the FIA's direct answer. And if they do go into effect on December 13th bro I think Abu Dhabi gonna be the end of more than the 2024 season.

Happy Wednesday lmfao

[cricketnationrise]

For your 500 followers celebration! 12:45 pm the Haus porch. Shitty and Jack or another bestie pair

Lyrics "We can do this every night You can be my ride or die And we can live this way every day Go out like dynamite, I'm living life, ride or die Gonna live this way every day" the Knocks "Ride or Die"

I'm at this handle on AO3 also.

HELL YES JACKSHIT MY BELOVED BFFS

a genuine pleasure to write them, thank you for the prompt and all your lovely comments the past few years :D

want your own ficlet? followers can submit their own prompt using these guidelines through Jan 31, 2024

🏒🏒🏒🏒

12:45pm, haus porch

“Jackabelle!” Shitty calls up the stairs. “Get your perfect, gravity-defying ass down here!”

“I’m still unpacking!”

“Unacceptable reasoning—motion denied.”

“On what grounds?” Shitty can hear the amusement in his best friend’s voice.

“On the grounds that that’s stupid, and I’m down here, waiting for you so we can celebrate a new year.”

Shitty punches the air in triumph when he hears Jack’s feet crossing his room, refuses to look at all contrite in the face of Jack’s faux-disapproving glare as he comes down the stairs.

“I really should unpack—”

“Absolutely fuckin’ not. Time for that later. Or you can get the frogs to do it,” he says, shepherding Jack out onto the porch. “Right now is best friend time, no more arguments.”

“Fine, fine.” Jack sounds all put out, but Shitty catches the way his lips quirk up at the corner and knows he isn’t actually bothered. If he really didn’t want to come downstairs he wouldn’t have played along with Shitty’s jokes earlier.

“Sit down, Jack-o, it’s Best Friend Porch Swing O’Clock.” He hip checks Jack in the direction of the swing before grabbing two drinks out of the cooler he packed twenty minutes and one of his own suitcases ago.

“Cheers to the best year ever,” he says, pushing one of the bottles into Jack’s hand and flopping down, more onto his best friend than the swing.

“Shitty, I don’t—”

“It’s non-alcoholic, J.”

“Oh.” Jack picks at the label with his thumbnail. “Thanks.”

“Got your back, bro,” Shitty says, shrugging. The motion sets the swing swaying wildly and they both have to grab hold of the wood armrests for a bit before Jack gets a foot on the porch floor to steady them.

“My hero,” he says, fluttering his eyelashes, mentally cheering when Jack huffs out a laugh.

“Anytime, Shits.”

“Now, cheers! To a new school year, and a new hockey season with the best damn captain Samwell Men’s Hockey could ask for!”

Jack clinks his bottle against Shitty’s, but he’s not smiling now, just staring out at the street, brow furrowed, full Hockey Robot mode.

“You are the best captain we could ask for, you know.”

Jack exhales hard, takes a swig of his drink. “The other guys only voted for me because of my last name.”

“Yeah, probably,” Shitty says, blithely.

That startles Jack into actually looking at him.

“Your name’s your name, Jack—no getting around it. Well,” he says, “I guess you could change it, but that’s a lot of paperwork and everyone would still know who you are, so probably you should just leave it. But you’re gonna absolutely smash it as captain this year. Not because of your dad, who is admittedly, pretty great, or because of your fucking stellar stats.” Shitty makes sure to look directly into Jack’s eyes, willing him to hear Shitty this time. “You’re gonna be a great captain because you care. You care so much about what happens to this team, and you want us to be the best we can. And the others will see that and get in line.”

Shitty lets his speech sit in the still-humid air around them, lets Jack sit with those words while they drink in silence, watching the occasional car drift by.

“Thanks, Shits.”

Jack presses their shoulders together firmly, a non-verbal I appreciate you that Shitty learned last year.

“‘Course. Now can we fuckin’ celebrate? Because I’ll bet the tub juice fund for the year that you haven’t yet.”

“Yeah, go on then,” Jack says, his smile actually visible to the average human now, and not just Shitty, who has put in the ten thousand hours to become an expert in Jack Zimmermann’s expressions.

Shitty punches the air again, and yells, “FUCKING BEAUT OF A CAPTAIN RIGHT HERE!” loud enough to echo around the street.

The LAX-holes across from them immediately shout for him to shut the fuck up, brah, but Shitty ignores them in favor of savoring Jack cracking up next to him, worries wiped away for now.

[marmaladeinlemonade]

Mouthwashing is very realistic with its characters

-and their behaviors which lead to the tragedies in game, especially with curly. But i also believe the societal expectations curly had on top of his natural traits was what lead to curly's horrific, but realistic, demise. (Poorly thought out)

As a captain, Curly is expected to maintain peace amongst members of the ship or else collective punishment will be enforced and paychecks will be deducted if conflict breaks out between them. Because of this system i think curly came to be quite a centrist when it came to sorting out problems, often believing that the solution is somewhere between the two sides of conflict. For the most part, this had worked because there was no personal relationships Curly had between his coworkers and therefore no bias. Curly became accustomed to this way of approaching conflict.

As a man, and a friend, Curly and J-diddy Jimmy were close. I have no doubt in my mind that jimmy still struggled with self esteem, masculinity, and mental health long before he joined Pony express. (THIS IS NOT JUSTIFICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!) With jimmy, Curly could take his time and help Jimmy out little by little without making jimmy snap. It was separate from the corporate professionalism Curly had to enforce upon himself and his crew @ Pony Express. Curly could be a little biased. It's his close friend, after all. And as we see in everyday society, people excuse their friends (especially those who are struggling) for small socially unacceptable behaviors because we see a better version of them in our personal lives. This is amplified between two male best friends especially if one or both of them display misogynistic behaviors.

Jimmy is very insecure about his life as we see in game and seemed embarrassed at the idea of getting help. In the mouthwashing prequel "How Fish Is Made" curly talks about how he convinced jimmy to take the Pony Express job, its implied that Jimmy was struggling financially beforehand as well. Then, in Mouthwashing when Curly gets the news of the company's shutdown Jimmy belittles Curly, pointing out how Pony Express was meant to be an opportunity for the crewmates that is now lost and there is no safety net to catch them, while for Curly this layoff might all be but a relief from the repetitive lifestyle he had with his job. Curly does little to nothing in these scenes and when i see this happen i wonder what Curly saw as "peace" between him and jimmy. Peace is when there is no suffering. Often times peace is mistaken for one party suffering in silence while the other doesn't acknowledge any issues at all.

Jimmy was a very biased and personal part of curly's life and Curly, with his already empathetic personality, pulled Jimmy into his unbiased workplace in hopes that he'd change, not recognizing Jimmy's discomfort, aka insecurity, with being lended a helping hand. When Curly was hit with the horrible news about Anya and jimmy, i believe his mind went haywire.

Curly was suffering in silence from jimmy's behavior.

Anya was suffering in silence from Jimmy's behavior.

Jimmy was suffering in silence from, well, his own ego refusing to accept help which was encouraged by societal norms.

And Curly had mistaken it for peace.

Ts was kinda ass ngl

[navxry]

you and your f/o(s) finally have time to relax and decides to take some extra days off this festive season! where are you going and what will you be doing? 🌴

no pressure in answering, and please take your time! <3

HELLO??? hold on I have a lot HELP (putting this under a read more)

GENSHIN: (OG AU)

god help us all, I am dragging Albedo out for a day off.

listen okay. LISTEN. hes a bigger workaholic than i am, a literal idiot, AND HE TELLS ME I SHOULD TAKE A WEEK OFF.

unacceptable. dragging his ass out of the mountain. yes Im serious and I'll do it.

Venti would probably want us to go to GAA with the others (Xiao, Heizou, Kazuha, Albedo, Lyney, Alhaitham fuck off mantits dont remind me of my medical cert. in amurta shut UP /j), buuuut we all decided to chill by Fontaine

I think it's like. the only time?? the mond guys get to see Fontaine??? I think Venti's gone by then, I'm sorry, he's with lyney and his siblings. Im not looking for him /j

Albedo, Alhaitham, and Neuvilette are definitely talking though. I think Neuvi would be v cool with my... uh. Choices(tm) with men. Definitely.

OOOOOH WITH THE GIRLS THOUGH....

Im sorry but Im staying at home with Lumine.

Arle would tease me for not getting up but SHUT UP LET ME BE SANDWICHED BY TWO PRETTY GIRLS

anyways lots of cuddles both sides, lots of napping

maybe a burnt house or two because I cannot cook and they want me to cook (please dont)

but very fun! 10/10 would drag everyone out of their places for a vacation again.

GENSHIN: (YAN. AU)

uh. sweats.

Pants? Kuni? sweats. laughs.

Mei send help they're going to fight.

wanderer is... something else. He's a living contradiction and I'll die with this in mind

but!!

both of us are going to stay at home thats for sure

tbf Pants is probably a guy like Albedo

Im gonna drag them out of their houses smfh

but like. Wan doesnt like Pants

Pants is only nice cause Im there

soooo

uh

pray for me

[miam0re]

hello its me :3 anon, i jUST WANTED TO SHARE MY CURRENT BRAINROT EHE:> to be between xiao and scaramouche now mmmmmmm<33 can you tell i have a type HAHAHAHAHABABHA T-T

Your type is short and emo and anger issues. :3 anon you need therapy /j (don't worry, I'm a whore for these men too)

Apologies in advance about the messy, half-hearted reply, I'm just trying to clear out my inbox and start organizing things

Just Two Horny Gremlins and You

NSFW, Fem!Reader, biting, little bit of blood, impact play (spanking), objectification, double penetration, anal, (more stuff I probably missed) (forgot to say threesome)

Scaramouche and Xiao have a lot in common, though the would never in a thousand years admit that. Both are short, have the anger of a chihuahua...and are both hard doms. How very unfortunate for you to find yourself sandwhiched between them, all three of you horny as if high of aphrodisiacs.

Feel them bite your neck and thighs, sharp fangs piercing skin and drawing drops of blood that get hungrily lapped up by exploring lips.

Feel their hands imprint their marks on your skin. Tight grips as they tug you around like a doll, fighting like children about who gets to play with you next.

Scaramouche wants you to ride him. Xiao wants to fuck you from behind. Surely there has to be some way to settle the argument??

You'll be made to sit on Scara's lap, but don't you dare hug him or anything. That is unacceptable for him, the man who's simple looking for a good fuck.

Instead let your fingers roughly sink into the soft locks of Xiao's hair as he sit behind you and rests his head on your shoulder, nipping at your inviting neck.

Lets moans aplently soar free from your mouths as the double penetration causes you to thrash around, kicking air and pulling Xiao's hair a little too hard. Jealous of the attention you're giving the dumb yaksha, the balladeer is going to punish you, leaving a few marks of his own over the expanse of your chest.

Your nipples are stimulated with his wet tongue, teeth chomping down on the soft mounds as he rocks///no///POUNDS into you, making you take him AND Xiao even deeper until their balls smacked against your ass. If you think that's the only thing hitting your ass ohohoho babe are you wrong. These two are going to take turns smacking your ass red, smirking at your sharp cries.

Oh God your sessions would just be you being nothing but a little fuck toy for them, a hole for them to use and abuse over and over again till they're bot satisfied, till they both feel they've exercised their ownership and claim over you enough. Enough that you'll be blabbering praise for them till the morning hours...

...when they'll fight over you once again.

It really is hard having two horny, possessive gremlins with godlike stamine.

Praying for your body to survive <3

[mylifeasaserver]

Surveys are stupid and should be banished.

These goddamn surveys.

Biggest waste of time and energy in any job.

Get a 5 star rating? Score goes up by .1%.

Get a 4 star rating? UNACCEPTABLE! Score drops by a full percentage. Fucking stupid-ass weighted scores designed to make success nigh impossible.

Retailers (and restaurants) think this is a direct link into the thoughts of customers when in reality most customers have no thoughts beyond where the closest register is, that the back room is a pocket dimension where we have each and every item in the store in bulk just waiting to be brought out, and the insane belief that the store moves stuff around at random so you can’t find anything.

Anyway, the scooter ham from the other day who wanted her Oxy early wrote a scathing, barely readable 1 star (I don’t know if it’s stars or a scale or peach emojis tbh so stars it is) survey to...get back at us? 

I don’t know but my poor manager had to call her today because that’s the policy with such things and I don’t know what upper management expected to happen but I’m pretty sure all it did was piss her off further.

Massive waste of time.

Everybody wants a survey, and they promise a chance to win a gift card. Nobody wins a gift card. You’re doing it for free and people are as stupid as the survey. -J

[lilsuzn]

MLQC Lucien - NSFW abc headcanons

Sorry I was gone for so long. I was busy doing hot girl shit.

Fandom: Mr. Love: Queen's Choice

Warnings: S.M.U.T.  (the reader is gender neutral, but I quote Lucien’s “silly girl” at one point so idk)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

It’s probably because of this relationship you two have. One that Lucien thought he could never have.

Frankly, he didn’t really want one. Even with you.

But it was impossible to stop himself from jumping into that rabbit whole.

You are not even a human for him. You are far superior.

A goddess.

A greater being that must be worshiped. Cherished. LOVED THOROUGHLY and Lucien can't stop himself from doing all that.

He would help you clean up with so much care. Hold you like he’s about to lose you. Wisper praises and declarations of love into your ear.

Prefers to stay in bed, but wouldn’t mind to do it in a bath either.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He never really gave it much thought, but if you’d ask him, he would probably say - his neck.

Because he noticed how much attention you give it. That given a choice you would always kiss and bite on the neck.

And the unreformable tease he is - he loves your ears.

The way you twitch and squirm when he licks the or softly blows around them. The way you flush when he leans in to whisper directly to it.

All those small reactions get his blood pumping.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

A big fan of cuming onto you.

Your ass is his staple favorite, but chest, stomach, back or… basically anywhere else is not bad at all either.

If he ever comes inside you without a condom… and gets to see his seed dripping out of you… IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE FOR HIM.

Nothing can beat the look of his seed spilled on your pretty butt, BUT… damn that’s a nice sight.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He doesn’t believe that some deeds can be dirty or naughty.

He's a scientist. Explorer of human's brain. He knows that every single of those is a normal, human thing.

But given that we all know what is this question all about…

Lucien really liked to draw when he was a kid and he still does it from time to time.

And what else could he sketch in his free time if not the most beautiful creation of this world? You. Naked.

He has countless amounts of those at this point. Every part of you has a separate piece. He likes to go through them from time to time.

Meaning every day when you're not around.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Lucien is not a virgin but he had never been in a real relationship before you.

He had some one night stands. A few booty call relationships, but he had never been with someone the way he is with you.

So you were still a challenge, because he could not allow himself any shortcomings when it came to you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

That’s a spoiler for the future, but Lucien is more than willing to try everything and he doesn’t really feel any special bond with a particular position.

However he does have a particular group and if you remember what I said in C above, you know where I’m going.

From behind. Seeing your butt shake. He’s an ass man. (would love to try anal if you’d show an intrest in that)

Major bonus points if you turn your head to the side and look at him. With your lovely, beautiful face that he loves oh so much.

He instantly speeds up to the point that no man should ever reach and will happily carry you around for a day or two - you’ll need it.

Because after that there could never be only one round. Or even two or three.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I wouldn’t call it goofy.

It’s very intense. Almost in a spiritual sense.

For Lucien sex is a metter of high importance. There’s no room for fooling around.

He needs to focus, so afterwards you’re completely spent, blissed and fucked to the point where you could never enjoy sex with any other man.

Toxic trait of this cutesy otome boy - possessiveness, and although he won’t try to control what and with who you do... 

(the man has some dignity and respect for your autonomy)

He will make sure you won’t be able to forget who makes you feel so f*in' good and being ‘goofy’ won’t make the statement.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I think Lucien would be somewhat groomed, but not bold.

Shaving just isn’t natural and therefore necessarily good for one’s body.

Therefore, if you shave he might try to convince you to stop.

I want to touch a woman, not a girl - he would say.

Carpet matches the drapes (however I like to think that Lucien has ginger pubes dontjudgeme)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Said first in A, now will be more specific.

With Lucien sex is some kind of a ritual of worship.

It’s a sacrifice for his goddess. His energy, his time, his most attentive care.

Love beams from his eyes even stronger than light does from the sun.

The foreplay will be elongated. You need to come at least twice before he enters you (see T).

During he roams your body with his hands. Boldly, but not aggressively… unless you’d like it.

Afterwards… well, just read A again.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He’s a very busy man, so he doesn’t get many chances, but…

When he can he’s right at it… thinking of that pretty ass of yours.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lucien is quite kinky.

He's in for anything that doesn’t go under N conditions. Anything. 

Likes bondage. No. He loves it. On you. And blindfolds.

SPANKING.

DOM BOY, but wouldn’t mind to go sub from time to time for you.

You want you to submit thoroughly, so he can thoroughly please you. Give you all that can be given.

Lives for roleplaying.

He also is really into body worship. He will praise you to the point of incredibility. 

See T gir. It’s really an intense game.

Lives to hear you beg for him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He likes to be in a private, comfortable place, when he doesn’t have to worry about any interruptions or other inconveniences.

Best in your or his place.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

First of all he really needs no convincing.

BUT.

The beast is awake momentarily when you wear his clothes. Like his sweater when you're cold. Or a shirt after a passionate night.

"You make a very nice sight indeed."

Other thing is lingerie. He likes it dark and erotic. Satin and straps. Maybe some nice, sheer mesh.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No humiliating one another.

Nothing that even comes close to making you feel like he might have attempted to disrespect you.

Also - no outsiders.

And no hiding one another's fantasies. He’s there to please and satisfy you. Don’t take it away from him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Eghem.

Can you stay up all night

Fuck me till the daylight 

34+35

If you don't get it yet, it means he wants to 69 with you.

All night. Every night.

The taste of you in his mouth is heavenly.

The feeling and sight of your mouth enveloping his groin is pure ecstasy.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He doesn’t have much of a fav.

It all depends on his mood.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Meh...

It’s not like an unacceptable option, but he prefers delayed gratification.

Will agree if you insist, but won’t ever offer.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

OF COURSE. YES. PLEASE.

Why would he ever limit himself to known and obvious, when there might be something far, far superior to what both of you already know.

He enjoys erotic literature. Sometimes reads online articles about interesting positions, toys or new ways to make you come harder and faster.

Won’t shy away from many things. Just remember about what I said in N.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

This man rarely sleeps. Rarely even rests.

This man is a rabbit.

It's more likely you will pass out of exhaustion then that he will take a break from fucking you. Weather it's with his hands, dick, lips or… other things. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Speaking of other things.

And fucking.

Lucien invested in a nice collection for the two of you. Vibrators. Rings. Suckers.

He likes to please you in every way he can. 

While the toys take care of you, you suck onto him.

Sometimes you just embrace yourself as the toys take care of your needs. And you go like this for hours. Until you can't take it anymore.

And let's not forget the bondage equipment. Ropes, handcuffs, blindfolds, gags, whips….

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Obvi. What did you expect?

A lot.

For hours.

Until all you’re able to say is “Lucien” and “Please”.

Edging is not negotiable. Happens every time. Often to the point when you come so fast and unexpectedly he just couldn’t stop on time.

Will talk dirty to your ear in public to then “accidently” stroke your nipple or if he feels particularly bold that day - your crotch.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not shy at all. No shame.

Will moan, groan, pant and hiss all he wants and as loudly as he wants.

Let the neighbors hear. Why would he feel ashamed of fucking you?

LOVES when you do the same.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He would love to take you for a weekend trip. In the mountains. Renting a nice cottage.

Necessarily with a fireplace. And a jacuzzi.

He would have it decorated with many, many gleaming candles. Set all around the cottage.

The soothing music would play.

His fingers would play with your sex while you soak yourselfs in the jacuzzi.

Then he would lay you on a soft carpet in front of the fireplace and make love to you. True, unmistakable love.

It would be a trip to remember for the rest of your lives.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

First off all, see this meme.

He just emanuates that massive dick energy. That’s just facts. No one in the bunch can relate. I’m sorry stans of the other 4, it’s not my fault, don’t @ me.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High. Very high sometimes.

Okay - usually very high, sometimes extremely high.

All nighters will happen at least once a week unless one of you really has a tough week or just had one and still tries to get everything together.

Otherwise no mercy. His lover needs to have all her needs fulfilled. Lucien would never allow you to walk around hungry or cold. Why would he let you be unsatisfied in this category, silly girl?

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Not right away for sure. 

He wants to watch you fall asleep. And then see those cutest expressions you make in your slumber.

Sometimes he just grabs a book and holds your hand until you wake up.

Other times he isn't able to resist it and falls asleep. You in his arms. His world at peace.

[smolfailure]

FUCK IT, DREAM SMP HOMESTUCK AU

but it's only half shitposts and there are actual Thoughts in there.

You don't need to have read the comic to understand because I tried not to spoil anything major, but it'd help if you knew basic stuff about classpects, SBURB and the hemospectrum.

disclaimer: i'm not a good pixel artist and this is my first actual sprites ever so please be kind to my weird pixels

The Kids:

Tommy

Fundy

Techno

Tubbo

tommy, tubbo and fundy one of the kids because they're the kids in dream smp canon (with fundy being son of wilbur)

techno's there because i want to make a dave strider reference (haha get it because techno's name is also da-- *gets shot) and also because they are both coolguys except instead of using irony, techno has adhd

The Trolls:

Wilbur Soohte (fuschia)

?????? Ehrret (violet)

J????? Shlatt (purple)

Nihacu Niikki (indigo)

Skeppy Diamon (cerulean)

Quacki Tthiey (teal)

Philza Myncra (jade)

Dreame Wastkn (lime disguising as olive)

George Notfou (gold)

Sapphe Nahfpe (bronze)

Badboy Haelow (burgundy)

don't come at me saying only females are allowed to be jades and fuschias; gender is fake and this is an au

more of the AU and the talksprites are under the cut:

Tommy

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Red

chaotic. the first person to be introduced.

when he gets introduced instead of the “Zoosmell Pooplord” bit, Tommy is initially going to be the name inputted but then backspaced it and decided that Tommyinnit was better and he was fuming until he’s named Tommy.

Gives me big Blood/Hope vibes. Blood because a lot of the conflict of the dream smp connected to someone breaking his trust or harming the things he cares about, Hope because a lot of the plot of the dream smp stems from Tommy starting shit based on his ideals and what he thinks is right.

the first to instigate fighting against the trolls

bbh contacts him once and tommy keeps cursing until he disconnects from frustration rip

wields Gunkind and his only strife weapon at the beginning is the Vlog gun. He has Gunkind as his strife specibus mainly because he looked up at schlatt and he imitates him.

Fundy

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Orange

it was his idea to play SBURB but only through Dream.

he talks to dream the most among the other trolls fwt stans getcha juice this is the rosemary of the session

dream’s the one giving him exposition about the game so that’s how he knows how to play SBURB.

wilbur trolls fundy once and instantly adopts him.

“You’re my son.” “How does that even work??” “I was one of the people who created your universe. It’s basically the same thing.”

Fundy relents anyway.

Techno

Lunar sway: Derse. Types in: Pink

dave strider but dead-inside voice + rose lalonde english major vibes

he slices the text box when you try to name him "Dave " like in

techno gives me time player vibes (contantly on the move. his skyblock series, his “stays in the pit” monologue,) but also rage vibes (anarchy,  the “theseus” monologue, political alignment is Chaos) alas i am not sure what class

uses Tridentkind and claims "it came from god"

 it was dream, he accidentally transportalized one of wilbur’s weapon while he testing the transportalizer.

Tubbo

Lunar sway: Prospit. Types in: Green

the jade harley of this session. the only thing keeping them from going apeshit. where would they be without him.

but also jade harley in a sense that he seems nice and wholesome but also don’t fuck with them they can mess you up

Heart/Life vibes??? someone good at classpecting help

i put them in prospit bc of the "tubbo third eye" instead of tubbo having a sixth sense or smth, they see the future from the clouds of skaia when they sleep

wields Stress-relieverKind at some point

bonus: everyone’s actual hair colors

Ideas about the Trolls

no i haven’t done their sprites yet bc it would take so much time and i’m not even sure if people wanna see more of this au skjdkdsakdfkl,, but i have Design Ideas.

events of the dsmp revolution are just a FLARP session drawing parallels to how the homestuck trolls had a FLARP session that spoiler alert: destroyed friendships. dtrio, eret, will are involved. eret betrays will's faction and wilbur's still Bitter over that.

on the context of alternia (highbloods and lowbloods) lmanburg and dreamsmp have their roles SWAPPED.  the emancipation theme thing is completely gone since highbloods are in more power than the lowbloods (the dream team) . 

wilbur made a faction called l’manburg because he wants a place where he and his fellow highbloods could make drugs vibe.they take a piece of land that was owned by the dream team. in normal circumstances, they shouldve stood down because lowbloods aren't supposed to start shit with highbloods (especially a group of highbloods that has the alternian heir among them)  but dream turned it into an activism thing about lowblood rights. the story plays as close as possible without tommy or tubbo in it (which is pretty hard ik but this is the best can do).

like in the dreamsmp revolution, dream kinda let wilbur do what he wants but this time he has more reason to because he’s in a lower caste. dream really only fought back when wilbur announced that he’d be building lmanburg on their land and calling it theirs.

eret betrays wilbur by supporting the lowbloods and wilbur and co. technically won but only because he finally called the drones in, as a reference to how lmanburg absolutely got crushed by the dream team in the smp but technically won. l’manburg keeps the piece of land and the dream team scatter away to find a new home.

wilbur soot's a fuschia because a) he's in a position that has a lot of power, b) yknow how he wrote a song about squids and his thing with sally… yeah.

eret's a violet because nobility!! dream looks down on him because he's ambivalent on fighting for lowblood rights when he's in a power to do so "you just sit there, and you look pretty that's it"

also like eridan he has a minor aesthetic mutation (herobrine eyes) that won't classify him as a mutant.

jschlatt is purple because it makes sense thematically because of the gamzee parallels (a. substance abuse b. if you know what happens in act 6, you know this already but spoiler alert, he ruins the main protagonists' lives) also he's a funnyman he deserves the clown caste

 quackity's a teal because he’s a law student. moving on--

 ok but for real it also makes sense thematically because he's the one who wrote the thing that tricked schlatt into agreeing also he gets manipulated by schlatt which also draws parallels to certain events in the comic

skeppy and bbh are BEST FRIENDS despite being highblood and lowblood respectively. initially, skeppy just wanted to bother bbh but they grew to be good friends in time. y’know like how they actually becane friends :D

philza minecraft is a jade because dad friend. also works thematically, because spoiler alert he gets to murder a seadweller for going batshit crazy. 

he also god tiers early. he dies fighting his quick undead denizen (haha baby zombie) but the consorts of his land carry him to his quest bed because he’s treated them all so well.

dream was initially going to be another caste but then i realized that means i have to make his hoodie something other than green which is unacceptable so its a good thing the fact that he's a lime works out

dream was the one who thought of playing sgrub in the first place- initially only planned to have gogy, sap, and bbh in the session but then realized that they four won't be enough so he invited more into his session

he’s also the first to go godtier ez clap blind speedrun not sure what classpect tho

the only reason why dream avoided being culled at birth for being a limeblood is because his rng is That Good. he quickly picked up the fact that he’s not supposed to exist and masqueraded as an oliveblood and kept mostly to himself to avoid suspicion.

george is still colorblind but he has lazer eyes along with it instead. dream lives with him in the same hive since being a mutant means dream doesn’t get a lusus of his own (dnf fans getcha juice “and they were roommates”) 

despite living in the same hive, he never really figures out that dream is a limeblood. possibly because a) he’s colorblind and when he sees dream bleeding he just sees yellow b) he’s just that fucking oblivious and it’s so valid of him.

sapnap’s a bronzeblood mainly because i know he’s the instigator of the pet war with tommy also because i associate him with the color orang in my mind so bronze it is

that’s the end of this long-ass post!! if you have other ideas PLEASE i want to hear them. i don’t know the other streamers i mentioned in here very well so if you have ideas that would be fitting to them like with classpect or lunar sway that would be GREAT. 

the only thing i’m confident about in here are the kids’ lunar sways. i’m not an expert in classpects and homestuck lore so there’s that too!! i just wanted to make this post because adhd means that the idea wouldn’t shut up until i finished it. This initially started as a single shitpost edit of tommyinnit talksprite but then the hiveswap 2 trailer came out and that means i have to combine my two hyperfixations.

also i have ideas about potential quadrants but idk how much of that is breaking some streamers’ boundaries about shipping (even the non romantic quads such as kismesistude, morallegiance and auspisticism) so i decided not to include it.

edit: apparently people want more so i made a discord server as a place to brainstorm!! please pm me to join!

[quarantinescarpet]

Why don't you support our unionization?

Greetings,

I never in all my years thought I’d have to make such a public statement about the events of today and my stance on the exclusion of certain homies based off of their sexual preference, but apparently it has come to this. Today in my car I was forced to be an onlooker as two of my best friends (one a cishet dude (astronaut pancakes) and the other a lesbian) pretended to kiss one another and excluded me AND called it a unionisation because I do not like women (in a romantic and sexual way i am always dtf (down to find (jesus)) with my woman friends). This was hurtful because I wanted kisses goodnight as well and what you (asstronautpancakes) and my other “friend” (abz) did in my 2006 e class mercedes benz today on the way back from the city was completely unacceptable. Just because I don’t like women doesn’t mean I don’t deserve love from everyone, including those who do love women (like yourself). Your heterosexual and cisgender society has been made to purposely exclude me as a transgender homosexual guy and your cishet privilege was very apparent today when you kissed only the women loving homies goodnight but not me. This is a blatant act of discrimination and CLEARLY goes against the second amendment which is the right to bear arms with friends and hug it out on the battlefield (and anywhere else). I can appreciate a good pair of mommy milkers in a platonic way and from a distance and I have friends who are women but you decided to make this political and thus I am genuinely disappointed in your behaviour while inside Benson today. Although you are cishet I allowed you into my home and considered you one of my brethren and i feel betrayed. It PAINS me to have to do this but you are uninvited from my baptism in Kai’s pool tonight and I will no longer be considering you my best man. You’ll have to wear a hideous ass outfit (shouldn’t be hard for you to find one in that straight ass closet of yours) to my wedding (which i will be pity inviting you to.) in order to make it into the party and even then I hope the best man beats you in the first fight and you get a disgusting black eye that matches your lgbtq+ hating soul. I will also be doxxing you at my wedding by telling everyone your full name is “J. Chaderick Last Name.” Have a great life kissing women and not me.

Please hesitate to ask questions,

Your (former) comrade,

Ollie

(All /j)

[thatslikely]

Fred Weasley’s Day Off (Part 1) - F.W.

Fred Weasley’s Day Off- Fred Weasley x Gender Neutral!Reader [Ferris Bueller’s Day Off AU]

Warnings: only occasional mild language

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: this is Part 1 of my new 5 part series, Fred Weasley’s Day Off! You can find the series masterlist here. This part is going pretty similar to the movie, but as the story unfolds, I promise it isn’t a carbon copy of John Hughe’s masterpiece. Hope you guys enjoy :)

Just a reminder: Y/N is Your Name, Y/L/N is Your Last Name, and thoughts are in italics.

Taglist: @amourtentiaa @anchoeritic @probably-peeves @horrorxweasley @weasleywh0r3s​

if you want to be added to be added to my general (or this series!)’s taglist, send me a dm or ask!

If you haven’t seen Ferris Bueller’s Day off or just need a refresher, HERE all all the scenes included in this part in chronilogical order! I HIGHLY reccomend giving these a watch, for they make the situations a lot easier to understand (and they’re hilarious).

----

It’s a beautiful day today, temperatures in the upper 70’s. You can expect plenty of sun and not a cloud in sight. Right now, it’s 75 at lakefront, 74 at Midway, 73 at the O’hare.

“Arthur!” Molly Weasley screeched, beckoning her husband to Fred and George’s messy bedroom. The walls were plastered with large posters of their favorite bands and sports teams (mainly Fred’s), and an expensive computer sat on the desk in the corner. The door to the room was ajar, a frantic mother feeling a haggard Fred Weasley’s forehead.

“What's the matter?” Arthur asked, briefcase in hand.

“It’s Fred, for Merlin’s sake look at him!”

Fred laid slumped under the hand-knitted quilt like a corpse, his hair tousled and his chin unshaved. She continued, “he doesn’t have a fever, but his stomach hurts and he’s seeing spots!” Fred peeled his pained, umber eyes open, his weak gaze pointed to his suit-clad father.

A sympathetic Arthur reached for Fred’s cold and clammy hands, feeling them with a shudder. He’s got a bad cold, he thought, poor boy needs to stay home and rest.

“I’m fine, I’ll get up. I have a test today.” Fred leaned up slightly, his stuffy nose attempting to breathe. His baggy eyes drifted around the room, glazing the empty bed parallel to his’. “No!” Molly and Arthur Weasley stated firmly in unison, pressing his aching chest into the soft bed.

“I have to take it. I-I wanna go to a good college, so I can have a fruitful life.” Fred kept attempting to get out of bed, only for Molly’s gentle hands to guide him back down.

“Oh fine, what’s this? What’s his problem?” Ron leaned against the untidy bedroom’s door frame, his arms crossed, his face donning an unamused expression tinged with jealousy. He was looking daggers into Fred, who reciprocated nothing but a wink.

“He doesn’t feel well,” Molly stated, not pleased in the slightest with Ron’s distasteful demeanor.

“Yeah, right,” Ron rebutted with a scowl. The tips of Ron’s ears seared with resentment for his brother and anger at his naive and biased parents.

“Ronnie? Is that you?” Fred asked, his blurry vision making the outline of his brother near indistinguishable from the rest of his room. “Ronnie? I can’t see that far.” Fred leaned up in an attempt to see his brother, before falling backward with a dramatic moan.

“Dry that one out, you could fertilize the garden,” the younger ginger spat, tapping his toe furiously.

“Ronald, you get to school!” Molly demanded, vehemently gesturing for him to leave.

“You’re letting him stay home? If I was bleeding out my eyes you’d still make me go to school! This is so unfair.” Jealousy oozed from Ron’s clenched jaw like venom.

“Ron, please don’t be upset with me. You have your health, be thankful,” Fred said coolly. His eyes remained glinted with mischief, causing a furious Ron to storm off in a huff.

The concerned mother and father turned back to a wheezing Fred. Molly tucked him in tighter, cooing, “Now listen, I’ll be showing that new family some houses today, so I’ll be in the area. The office will know just where to find me if you need anything, okay?” A wave of gratefulness swept over Fred’s face.

“It’s nice to know I have such loving, caring parents. You’re both very special people.” Molly caressed Fred’s ashen cheek before planting a compassionate kiss on his warm forehead.

“G’bye champ,” Arthur said to his son before carefully shutting his door and walking to the garage.

They bought it.

Incredible. One of the worst performances of my career, and they never doubted it for a second. Fred peeled back the curtains blocking the beautiful view from his large windows with a smirk. He looked out the panes, admiring the gorgeous weather. How could I be expected to go to school on a day like this?

This is my ninth sick day this semester; it’s getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I’ll have to barf up a lung, so I’d better make this one count. Fred carefully adjusted his extortionate stereo, his fail-proof plan slowly piecing together.

Fred then stepped over to his desk, reaching for an old, hefty soccer trophy of his and some rope. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. He started knotting the rope around the shiny golden award methodically. A lot of people’ll tell you to go for the old ‘phony fever’, but if you’ve got a nervous mother, you could wind up in the doctor's office. That’s worse than school.

“It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.”

He scrupulously placed the trophy contraption behind his door with a satisfied nod, proceeding to the bathroom dressed in his grey and maroon striped bathrobe. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Fred undressed and stepped into the steamy shower, quickly shampoo-ing his ginger mop into a spiky mohawk. He gave some thought about his plans for the leisurely day before removing the showerhead, gripping it like a microphone, serenading an imaginary audience, “I recall Central Park in fall. How you tore your dress, what a mess, I must confess…”

----

“Spinnet?” A greasy Mr. Snape drawled, spectacled eyes darting around the dingy classroom, illuminated with corporate fluorescent lights. “Spinnet?”

“Here!”

“Smith?” Silence. “Smith?”

“Present.”

“Weasley?” Snape asked, scanning the room for any signs of the irresponsible redhead.

“Weasley?” he repeated, uninterested and monotone. “Weasley?”

“Um, he’s sick,” a perky Cho Chang cut through the tense silence with a smile, “my best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy, who knows this kid who saw Fred pass out at Florean’s last night! I guess it’s pretty serious.”

“Thank you, Cho,” Snape said impassively.

“No problem, whatsoever!”

----

A robotic ring emitted from the phone next to Lee Jordan’s bed, disturbing the perturbed ambiance of the inert bedroom. The hypochondriac occupying the sheets clicked the silver ‘answer’ button with a shallow sigh.

“Hello?” George Weasley asked, his voice deep and groggy.

“Georgie, babe, what’s happening?” Fred’s exuberant voice questioned from the other end of the line, starkly contrasting his twin’s nonbelligerent energy.

“Very little,” he responded in a trance-like state, eyes spacing out at the blank ceiling, his mind nearly detached from his aching body.

“How do you feel?”

“Shredded.” Half-empty pill bottles and antihypertensive drugs lined the bleak nightstand to his left.

“Get dressed and come on back home. I’m taking the day off,” Fred imposed. He sat in a lounge chair, next to the turquoise pool, soaking in the bright morning sun, which starkly contrasted George’s dark atmosphere. He held a Brick to his ear, sipping an iced Hawaiian drink from a swirly straw. The only thing covering his body was a pair of floral swim trunks; plastic sunglasses rested in the ginger nest atop his head.

“I can’t stupid, I’m sick. I think I got food poisoning from Lee’s awful cooking.”

“It’s all in your head, George, come back home,” Fred said more firmly, taking another sip of the fruity drink in the souvenir cup.  

“I feel like complete shit, Fred. I can’t go anywhere.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Now come on over here so I can have a fun day off!” Fred demanded, hanging up the phone promptly. “Sheesh.”

George remained stiffly on the sheets, still as a statue, muttering, “I’m dying.” The phone chimed again with another call. Click.

“You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do!” Fred’s voice echoed through the dimly-lit room before the tone of an ended call took its place.

“Pardon my French,” said Fred to no one in particular, “but George is so tight, that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks, you’d have a diamond.”

Fred quickly abandoned the pool deck, instead continuing random antics around the vacant house, whether it was (horribly) playing his centuries-old clarinet, or prank calling gullible freshmen claiming he had an impending kidney transplant. This was the life.

“I’m so disappointed in George. Twenty bucks says he’s sitting in his car debating whether or not he should go out.”

Fred had hit the nail on the head. George sat in his four-wheeled hunk of junk for minutes, muttering to himself, “He’ll keep calling me. He’ll keep calling me until I go home. He’ll make me feel guilty. This is ridiculous! Okay, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go.” He turned the key of the run-down car, only for the engine to cough and heave. “Goddamn it!”

----

“Molly Weasley,” Molly introduced herself to the caller from her desk at the local real estate office. She held the landline phone in one hand, the other scratching numerals and figures onto some spreadsheets.

“This is Dolores J. Umbridge, Dean of Students. Are you aware that Fred is not at school today, Miss Weasley?” she asked punctually, her voice laced with irritation.

“Yes, I am. Poor Fred is home sick.”

“Are you also aware that Fred does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? He has missed an unacceptable number of school days.” Umbridge looked icy and collected on the outside, but deep down she was fuming with anger. “I have no reservation whatsoever about holding him back another year.”

“This is all news to me,” Molly replied, taken aback by Umbridge’s blunt threats.

“It usually is.” Dolores turned her attention to the hunky computer opposite her, ready with Fred’s academic profile, scanning the pixels signifying his number of absent days. When she finally opened her jaw to announce the number to Mrs. Weasley with a devious grin, she was horrified to see the number of days slowly ticking down to two.

“I asked for a car, I got a computer,” Fred said with an unamused but smug smirk as he typed lines of code into his computer back at the Weasley household, “how’s that for being born under a bad sign?”

“I can appreciate how this time of year, children are prone to taking the day off. However, in Fred’s case, I can assure you, he’s a very sick boy.” And with that, Dolores hung up on a sympathetic Molly, her tight brunette curls gradually frizzing from aggravation.

“I don’t trust this… Fred Weasley,” Umbridge confided to her secretary, Augustus Filch. “What’s so dangerous about a character like Fred is that he gives good students bad ideas. The last thing I need is fifteen-hundred Fred Weasley disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.”

“Well, he makes you look like a bitch is what he does, Dolores,” Filch said with a smirk.

“You’re wrong,” Dolores asserted, fiery gaze piercing through Filch’s soul.

“Well, he is very popular. The sportos and motorheads, geeks, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads, they all adore him. They think he’s some righteous dude,” Filch said astutely.

“That is why I’ve got to catch him this time. Show these kids that you can’t just skip school nine times a semester like he has and get away with it!”

----

Mr. Binns, a prehistoric-looking man with novel-thick glasses, stood at the head of the classroom, giving his usual dull lecture. While he etched utter nonsense onto the chalkboard, you couldn’t help but release a bone-cracking yawn.

After years of sitting in your uncomfortable plastic chair, drowning out Mr. Binn’s boring babble, your saving grace arrived in the form of a grave Nurse Pomfrey.

You quickly slipped on your pale, leather jacket and stuffed your blank notebook into your backpack at the sight of the frail woman donning white scrubs like a dove, eager to escape class. Nurse Pomfrey had on a solemn face as she quickly whispered something into Mr. Binns’ ear before announcing to the uninterested class, “Y/N, Y/L/N, may I have a word with you?” You painted a look of surprise on your face before stepping into the hallway with the disturbed grey-haired woman.

“My dear, I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad tidings,” she said sorrowfully once out of the earshot of the small lecture hall, “your father called. Your grandmother has just passed.”

Your eyes welled with artificial tears, face drenched with heartbreak.

----

The landline echoed through Umbridge’s dreary, pale pink office.

“Dolores Umbridge,” she said pseudo-cheerfully into the handset held by her thulian claws.

“This is Phil Y/L/N,” a middle-aged man said, his voice slathered with a thick Chicago accent.

“How are you today, sir?” Dolores asked suspiciously.

“Well, today we’ve had a bit of bad luck. It’s been a tough morning,” he croaked, “now if you wouldn’t mind excusing Y/N, we have a lot of family business to attend to.”

“I’d be happy to, just produce a corpse and I’ll release Y/N. I want to see this ‘dead grandmother’ firsthand.” She peeled the phone away from her face, smiling valiantly at a mortified Filch, saying slyly, “It’s okay, it’s Fred Weasley. I’m setting a trap for him.”

“Dolores, I’m sorry, did you say you wanted to see a body?” an ill-tempered Mr. Y/L/N questioned in disbelief through the speaker.

“Yes. Just roll her old bones up here and I’ll gladly retrieve Y/N for you. That’s school policy.” Dolores looked so pleased with herself, a devilish smirk resting on her lips. The telephone in Filch’s office chimed, and he quickly dashed to answer it.

“Hello, Dolores Umbridge, Dean of Students’ office,” his gravelly voice answered.

“Hi. This is Fred Weasley. Can I speak to Miss Umbridge, please?” Filch’s mouth went desert-dry in horror, his aged, grey eyes bulging out of his skull. He dashed to a taunting Umbridge, jumping and waving for her to shut up.

“I’ll tell you what, if you don’t like my policies, you can come down here and kiss my-”

“Fred Weasley’s on line two, Dolores!” Umbridge’s eyes went as wide as saucers; her whole face, even her bright fuchsia lipstick, turned as white as a sheet.

She was quick to switch to line two, listening to Fred Weasley’s voice which filled the otherwise silent room.

“Miss Umbridge, I’m not feeling too well today,” Fred started, a smug and valiant grin on his face. He adjusted his clean and gelled hair, which perfectly complemented the perfectly-tailored suit he donned. “Would it be possible for Ron to bring home any assignments from my classes? Have a nice day.”

The only sound left in the office was the droning disconnect tone.

The ‘line one’ buttoned flashed bright red like a siren. With a shaky, wrinkled pointer finger painted with a coat of magenta nail polish, she hesitantly pressed the button, sucking in a breath.

“Mr. Y/L/N, I-I think I owe you an apology,” she said, mortified.

“I should say you do!” the deep voice on the other line boomed. Umbridge peeled open her lips for an apology, only to be cut off with, “Well I think you should be sorry for Merlin’s sake! A family member dies, and you insult me! What the hell’s the matter with you?”

“W-well I really don’t know. I didn’t think I was talking to you, I thought you were someone else,” Umbridge barely managed to spit out. “You know I would never deliberately insult you like that!”

“Find out where she is!” Umbridge hissed to an idle but nervous Filch, her palm covering the phone’s mouthpiece. He promptly scrambled around the surrounding metal filing cabinets, reaching for various binders and manilla folders.

“This isn’t over yet, do you read me?” The infuriated voice’s threat yelled into the frantic principal’s ear.

“Loud and clear, Mr. Y/L/N!” she responded while scouring the various sets of drawers for Y/N’s schedule.

“Call me sir, goddammit!”

“Yes sir!”

----

“That’s better. Mind your P’s and Q’s buster, and remember who you’re dealing with!” an exasperated George Weasley shouted into the kitchen’s phone, his voice at least an octave lower than usual. His look of fury was soon replaced with a smile from ear to ear, quite proud of the convincing-ness of his impression.  

A dashing, suit-clad Fred Weasley soon strutted into the lemon-yellow kitchen, charismatically introducing himself, “Weasley, Fred Weasley.”

George held his palm over the mouthpiece of the phone, asking, “I’m scared. What if she recognizes my voice?”

“Impossible. You’re doing great.”  

The self-conscious redhead brought the phone back to his ear, shouting “Umbridge!” furiously. Groaning echoed from the other end of the line. “Umbridge, calm down!”  

“I don’t have all day to bark at you, so I’ll make this short, and sweet. I want my child outside of the school in ten minutes by themself!”

Fred gave George a harsh tap on his shoulder, hissing, “That’s too suspicious! She’ll think something’s up!”

“You do it then!” the other twin whispered back.

“Talk.”

“You!”

“Talk.”

“Fine!” he fizzled. “Umbridge! Pay Attention!” The magenta-suited principal was scuttering around her office, frantically searching for your schedule and something to repair the escalating situation.

“Umbridge! Changed my mind. I want you out there with them, I’d like to have a few words with you!” Fred swiftly slapped the phone from George’s clutches, causing it to fall on the tile carelessly. The identical gingers both scrambled for the phone, ending up in George’s grasp once again.

He yelled to the mouthpiece rapidly, “On second thought, we don’t have time to talk right now! We’ll get together soon and have lunch!”

Fred kicked George’s rear hard, causing a small yelp to escape George’s lips. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” he spat at Fred, who quickly slammed the phone back to the base.

“Where’s your brain?” he harshly asked his irritated brother.

“Why’d you kick me?” George retorted, hurt.

“Where’s your brain?”

“Why’d you kick me?”

“Where’s your brain?”

“I asked you first!”

“How are we gonna pick up Y/N if Umbitch is out there with them?” Fred rhetorically asked, seething.

“I- I said for them to be alone and you freaked,” George stated, reverting back to his timid tendencies.

“Now, I didn’t… I didn’t hit you. I lightly slapped you.”

“You hit me.” Tension sliceable with a butterknife filled the kitchen.

“Look, don’t ask me to participate in your stupid antics if you don’t like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed. You make me come over here. You made me make a phony phone call to Dolores Umbridge? That woman could expel me, expel us, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings!”

“No… I didn’t deliberately hurt your feelings,” Fred said, his words tinged with guilt. “What’re you doing?” George grabbed his red hockey jersey and keys that previously laid on the island.

“I’m going back to Lee’s, Fred. I need some rest. Have a nice life.”

“No, no, c’mon. Don’t do that, George,” Fred pleaded ruefully, “George, come back. I didn’t mean to lose my temper. I’m sorry.”

“You serious?”

Fred gave a slow and sincere nod. George swiveled back around, setting his belongings back on the counter, his face lightened slightly.

“Now, to fix the situation, we’re gonna have to do something you’re not going to like.”

----

Fred and George peeled the sliding glass doors of the luxurious garage apart, revealing the interior, which was mainly lined with thousands of dollars worth of vintage car memorabilia, save for the treasured vehicle in the center.

“The 1961 Ford Anglia 105E Deluxe,” George said, his eyes pointed down at the prized pompadour blue car resting idly in front of the duo. Fred's eyes were also fixed on the vehicle, though his’ were illuminated with awe and mischief.

“Dad spent 3 years restoring this car,” he continued, hands behind his back, not daring to leave fingerprints on its shiny surface, “it is his love, it is his passion…”

“It is his fault he didn’t lock the garage,” Fred smirked, sauntering around the exterior of the automobile, slobbering all over the surface like a dog with fresh meat.

“Fred, what are you talking about?” George asked nervously, already knowing what Fred was plotting, “Dad loves this car even more than he loves you!”

“Fred, no.” Fred swiped his fingers over the perfect coat of paint, occasionally posing with the car as if he was a model on the front cover of a magazine.

“Que Bella!” he said with a chef’s kiss, still drooling over the car’s magnificence.

“Remember how insane he went when I snapped my retainer? And that was a tiny piece of plastic!” Fred paid an anxious George no mind, instead continuing his admiration for Arthur’s most valuable possession.

“George, I’m sorry, but we can’t pick up Y/N in that piece of scrap. He’d never believe Mr. Y/L/N would drive something like that!”

“It’s not a piece of scrap.”

Fred opened the driver’s side door, slowly sitting down in the comfortable cushioned seat, his umber eyes never breaking contact with George’s identical ones.

“He knows the mileage, Fred.”

“Look, this is real simple. Whatever miles we put on, we’ll take off.” Fred said, barely giving George the time of day.

“How?”

“We’ll drive home backwards.”

“No,” George said firmly, almost like a mother. Fred turned the key of the Anglia, its restored engine roaring ten times better than George’s hunk of junk’s.

“How about we rent a nice Cadillac, my treat!” He yelled as Fred slowly drove away, the revving of the vintage engine drowning out his voice. George stood frozen in disbelief, before Fred slowly backed up, beckoning George to join him.

With a heavy heart, George warily climbed into the back seat of the vehicle. And with that, Fred floored the gas, speeding off towards the Shermer High.

----

“I had a grandmother once,” Umbridge awkwardly stated, in an attempt to soothe your heart overcome with (fake) grief. “Two, actually.”

The suburbs outside of the Windy City lived up to their name today; Umbridge’s frizzy brown curls swayed in the strong breeze. The temperature today was the best it had been since last Autumn; it was a given that Fred would skip.

You patiently waited on the concrete steps outside the school, Umbridge continuing her “comforting” words, attempting to stitch the wounds caused by your grandmother’s staged death. You weren’t focused on the thulian tyrant, however, instead, your eyes waited on the road for the sight of a ruby-red-haired boy.

“Between grief and nothing, I’d take grief,” Umbridge said flatly.

“Great,” you replied softly, eager to shut the toadish old lady up. She opened her magenta-tinted lips to add something else, but she decided against it, promptly shutting her mouth without a sound escaping.

The stentorian roaring of the engine residing in cerulean Ford Anglia filled the silent air and idle parking lot, lightening your spirits instantly. While you didn’t doubt that Fred would’ve shown up eventually, his timing was impeccable. It didn’t hurt that he showed up in a killer ride, either.

A tall, lanky man drenched in a long beige trench coat, horn-rimmed sunglasses, and a businessman-looking fedora, which masked his fiery orange hair, emerged from the car, leaning against its body.

“Oh Y/N honey, hurry along now,” the stranger in disguise bellowed, his voice slightly higher pitched than ‘Mr. Y/L/N’s’ from the phone, a thickly-slathered Chicago accent present nonetheless.

“I guess that’s my dad.”

You grabbed the annoying principal’s wrinkly, cold hand, reciting, “Miss Umbridge, Dolores. You’re a beautiful woman, I wanna thank you for your warmth and compassion.”

A furious Ron watched from the scene play out from the large front windows of the school, immediately recognizing Fred and his infuriating antics with a scowl. Why should he get to skip while the rest of us have to stay? I’ve gotta catch him.

Umbridge looked near disturbed at your counterfeit words on thankfulness, before you eagerly stepped down to the car, giving ‘Mister Y/L/N’ a quick hug.

“Do you have a kiss for Daddy?” Fred jokingly asked with a smirk.

“Are you kidding?” you replied, leaning into his soft lips for a passionate kiss, which maybe would have escalated a little further if he didn’t drag you in the passenger seat of the Anglia.

“So that's how it is in their family,” Umbridge uttered as she watched the nearly-French kiss perched from her spot at the top of the stairway. She swiftly pivoted around walking to the front entrance to the school, when Fred floored the Ford again, its loud engine roaring off into the distance.

“Hi Georgie, you comfortable?” you asked, eyes towards the crampted back seat.

Once the three of you were out of Umbridge’s eyeline, a compact George sprung up from the lonely backseat, saying, “Hi, Y/N. No.”

“So, what're we gonna do?” you asked the dashingly handsome driver next to you with a smile.

“The question isn’t: What are we going to do? The question is: What aren’t we going to do?”

“Don’t say we’re not going to take the car home. Please don’t say that we’re not going to take the car home,” George mumbled, hopeful that Fred would comply, though he already knew that Fred would be doing the exact opposite.

If you had access to a car like this, Fred mentally narrated, gesturing to the amenities-rich Anglia, would you take it back right away? Me neither.

And with that, Fred recklessly rounded the bendy road, speeding off towards downtown Chicago.

[mjjicons]

apparently i’m an attorney right now

hey guys

this bitch right here

@deborahdeshoftim5779​ i can’t even write her username without copying and pasting it but there we go

she’s trying you guyssss she’s really trying to come for michael

maybe inside her basement......no bathing for days... we know quarantine right.. people get crazy

so here i am responding to the “EVIDENCE THAT MICHAEL JACKSON MOLESTED CHILDREN” because.... i don’t know why tho

but this bitch challenged me and virgos love a challenge

we do love a challenge.. so

RESPONDING TO DEBORAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ABOUT HER BULLSHIT AND MICHAEL JACKSON OBSESSION

Michael Jackson slept in bed with other people’s children. Everyone, including @mjjicons, knows this is inappropriate and unacceptable. The majority of sexual abuse accusations against Michael Jackson have stemmed from the fact that he slept in bed with other people’s children. This is one of the clear reasons why parents do not allow their children to sleep in bed with adult strangers, and @mjjicons knows this very well.

this one is actually so shitty that i can’t even lol i highlighted the most important part on this.. this is actually not true

with a simple google search we can type in like “michael jackson accusations timeline” (i don’t have to do that because i actually know every single one of them but for proof purposes) 

safechuck said he met michael in 1986 in a pepsi commercial set and of course, he said that michael asked him to sleep with him as seen in here:

alright! let’s do some research then

1986... what a year you guys! what a year!

here we have a great year review on the detail. (a youtube channel that i love so so so so so so so so much). and as we all know, 1986 was really important for michael jackson’s career overall, because that was the year when he wrote his (amazing) record called BAD!! kinda reclused. and of course he had the time to be the humanitarian he was:

also i can refute your “evidence number two” that michael only cared about pre-pubescent boys.. here’s our girl donna having a blast with my baby and bubbles.

also, safechuck said that he gave him the thriller jacket in the meeting.......but that’s actually a lie 

because that jacket is with..... lady gaga! because it never was in safechuck’s hands. it was sold for her in a auction.

let’s go forward, shall we?

back to 86. allegations say that michael asked safechuck to sleep with him in the same bed in a trip to hawaii! of course if michael jackson was in hawaii in 1986 we would have some candids.

let’s do our research once again. he was never in hawaii in 86.... 87... no... here we go, 88, with safechuck and his family:

this was in february 1, 1988, at the kahala hilton hotel - hawaii. found it. also, this was the day of “moonwalk - the autobiography” release!

here he is with everyone! and our buddy alan light actually met him at the time:

as alan said, his team was with him too, of course. digging more information we can see it was a business trip and he brought his “friends” with him (fake bitchessss) as always. the first accusations, however, were made to the LAPD in 1993. james was with his whole family in there, fans around, team around, everyone. the only evidence is safechuck’s word, that as we saw before we can’t trust that much. i will explain why in a bit. michael had no time to bullshit in 1988, because this was the year of his american leg of the bad tour, and of course, shooting every single video from the bad era. iconic! he was in japan also in january-february as seen on his year review.

unfortunately i don’t have his hotel files from this time to see how many rooms he booked, but as a fan i can say that when michael did stay in hotels, it was common for him to book the whole hallway. (please read j. randy taraborrelli’s book if interested). same bed huh.......i don’t think so too

michael was diagnosed with vitiligo at the time, and his self-esteem wasn’t 100% (for his whole life actually) so i doubt he would let anyone in his room. also, his addiction to medication was also at the beggining. he was working so much as you can see. wait a minute. i have to eat my breakfast.

back at it.

about sleeping with children in the same bed in other occasions:

with the allegations made firstly in 1993, michael had to explain himself about every situation envolving himself and kids around him. he wasn’t a men of interviews, but on the topic, michael always said he never was alone with little boys in a bedroom. there always was someone when he did watch movies with his friends, including liz taylor, in any room (neverland had a whole movie theater there) and if falling asleep was the case, he mostly laid down on the floor. and he didn’t sleep a lot either. he couldn’t.

about sharing a bed tho, it happened! i’m not saying this never happened, brett barnes said it happened, in opposite sides, no touching. it happened, yes, and this is something not common between you and someone that isn’t your own kid. but it doesn’t mean that michael took off his clothes and had sex with a minor. not only a minor, but small boys. when someone is accused of pedophilia this is obviously a red flag, but those red flags were investigated by the FBI and local police (LAPD). if michael did it with a little boy, his DNA, sperm, skin would be all over them. the abuse would be clear. a kid doesn’t have body structure to handle abuse and heal fast enough. those are little kids. the brain development and body development aren’t enough to hide such a thing. if michael did it, he would be arrested FOR LIFE. oh yes he would. because no one besides his fans were there for him when shit got bad. people wanted his head in a plate with a tomato in his mouth.

on a side note i don’t know why people think michael was someone that always had time to keep little boys around him and sleeping around with them...........he worked his ass off EVERY SINGLE YEAR OF HIS ACTIVE CAREER LIFE. years and years on tour, no privacy, no free time, no real friends, no real family, no one.........

2. The vast majority of “special friends” were pre-pubescent boys, who Jackson dumped once they hit puberty. Joy Robson testified to this in 2005, saying that she told June Chandler this would happen to her son as well. Joy Robson admitted in court that the dumping had a serious mental effect on the boys, as they were no longer the favourite.

this is the biggest lie ever. i can’t even. about “the vast majority of michael’s friends being pre-pubescent boys” i won’t even post pictures of him and little girls because this is actually.........sick.............you are just a google search away... don’t be a lazy bitch.

this dumping thing is so sad to read because it portraits kids as literal objects. and this is actually a lie too. michael mantained contact with people for years, like macaulay, the cascio family (including all the kids), omer, his nephews, tata vega..... so many people, so many children. the female-chandler had jordan and his sister as kids, and in the years that michael related with them he was at family barbecues with the chandlers (and the press even called them his new family) because he was always around EVERYONE. 

the 2005 trial was the only one actually dumped in all of this because there was no evidence against michael. and 2005 is actually a really important year for all of us, because it was the year of the innocent veredict. and wade robson was a witness in this trial. ON MICHAEL’S FAVOUR. if joy robson warned june about this in this trial WHY WOULD HER KID TESTIFY IN A ALLEGED PEDOPHILE’S SIDE?????????? 

this makes no sense. and also, the clownery was way too much. in the book “untouchable” by randall sullivan (i do not know if this is the english title because i am brazilian and here this is the title for the book, i just translated it. but you can find it everywhere) the author describes how the prosecution tried too hard to accuse michael. they were always catching “witnesses” - even a man that said michael molested him in the 80′s, but when asked about the dates, time, what happened, the court found michael wasn’t even in the place the man said he was at the time. but they demanded michael to testify on court anyway - to talk about a child he never met in a day he was at a event - with pictures and shit. a solid alibi. it was ignored. the witch hunt was big and they were ready to put michael in handcuffs WHENEVER THEY COULD. they just needed something. and this something never came.

if you are good enough to get all “your evidence” together, don’t be lazy to check facts. as i said before, it’s a google search away. 

about joy robson, this bitch is bipolar or.. idk. because she was thriving in 2013 liking posts about michael and how good he was.

2013 was also the year wade filled his allegations against michael. because wade realized that michael actually did the wrong to him in 2012. before that, as a grown ass man, in the ‘05 trial, he didn’t. but in 2012 oh boy we are here just realizing things.

in 2009, michael’s passing, the estate released the michael jackson opus, a big book of memories and good stuff. wade was there too and made a beautiful statement, as follows:

“Michael Jackson changed the world and, more personally, my life forever. He is the reason I dance, the reason I make music, and one of the main reasons I believe in the pure goodness of human kind.”

and after that, wade wanted to be on charge of all the tributes related to michael in tv shows and awards. that’s pretty big right......to work in the name of your “abuser”.......

now you answer me: how did joy robson warned june chandler about anything if she, herself, said that wade didn’t show a single sign that he was abused by michael? she even said michael coached him to be “a master of deception” and that “wade should have won an oscar for lying that good for her” on court (2013) and that she was lied to so good that she never believed anything.... but warned chandler’s mom about “dumping”? what dumping?

if wade was dumped and really sad about it.....why would he want to lead shit about michael after he died? if your molester died....you should cheer up....

just a side note: joy said in leaving neverland that when michael died she was so relieved and danced around BUT HOW IF HER SON JUST WROTE A WHOLE LOVE LETTER TO MICHAEL JACKSON IN HIS MEMORIAL

is it crack? is it? what you smoke? following up..

3. Michael Jackson’s “special friends” include: Emmanuel Lewis (Brooke Shields said in 1984 that it looked like the pop star was dating the boy, rather than her), Jonathan Spence (Jackson owned a naked photograph of him), James Safechuck, Brett Barnes (Jackson is on video pretending this boy is his cousin), Macaulay Culkin, Wade Robson, Jordan Chandler, Jason Francia, Arnold Schleiter, Sean Lennon (Mark Ronson said that Jackson watched pornography with both of them in a hotel room), Omer Bhatti (whom Jackson met in a Tunisian hotel, and pretended the boy was his son), David Martinez, Gavin Arvizo, Michael Jacobshagen, and his nephews (whom the police suspected him of molesting, and with whom he took an inappropriate photo shoot for Star Magazine).

“brooke shields said in 1984 that blahblagabal” when where WHERE bitch where

i think people don’t actually answer your allegations because it is so DUMB that no one wants to waste their time with you. like......why am i doing this

i am just on #3 and i’m so tired because THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT IT are you wade robson in a fake account? just take off your mask

just

why

if you have this brooke shields line please show me???? i would like to see it

michael didn’t meet omer in a tunisian hotel, he actually met him because he was in a contest for michael jackson impersonators.......and he loves him, and pia, his mom, is so grateful for everything michael done for their family WHY AM I RESPONDING TO THIS i am so frustrated 

4. Joy Robson also testified in 2005 that Jackson had called her up in the middle of the night in December 1993, asking that Wade Robson be brought to his bedroom. She admitted that she went back home, after leaving her son with Jackson. For context, Jackson was under investigation for child sexual abuse of Jordan Chandler at the time

she actually didn’t because she wasn’t a witness on court at the time. wade was. she wasn’t. as i showed before. next.

actually i’m tired because all of this is so dumb and i am wasting my time........ let’s just jump to the final shit.

We have good reason to believe that Jackson molested other boys not named above. For example, who was the boy whose semi-nude photograph was found inside Jackson’s bedroom in August 1993? 

they never found anything in ‘93 because if they did michael would be arrested...............

Who filed a Restraining Order against Jackson back in the 80′s, and who reported this to the FBI? 

no one filed a restraining order against michael back in 80′s. there is no such evidence. the fbi files are public and you can access them and read everything.

Who were the two Mexican boys that Jackson was accused of molesting back in 1985-1986?

michael didn’t have contact with any mexican people between ‘85 and ‘86 as i said before, in his year review, and in ‘85 he was never seen with any mexican boys because he was working in USA for africa, we are the world and captain EO. nothing michael did was away from the public eye. 

Who were the other boys that slept in Jackson’s bedroom, according to a security guard? Who were the boys/men whose DNA was found in semen stains on Jackson’s mattress in November 2003? Who was the “Rhonda” who sent Jackson a picture book of naked boys, because she said Jackson might like them? What did Norma Staikos know about Jackson’s predilection for pre-pubescent boys? Who was the boy that Darlene Craviotto saw Jackson alone with in 1991 (reported in her book)?

norma staikos was his personal assistant at the time and wade said she knew about “what was going on” and was someone that arranged all the “sexual meetings” as said on court right here, but this meeting mentioned by wade on court was actually arranged BY HIS OWN MOTHER! 

and the book by darlene craviotto never mentioned anything sexual between michael and boys, actually it’s a kind book about how michael helped her with her agoraphobia................

WOW THAT WAS LONG AND I FEEL SO DUMB RIGHT NOW

the rest of your evidence isn’t worth the read or the research because i’m not the one who should be doing this, debora, it should be you. just google it. or show something more credible, maybe actual proof? pictures? videos? audiotapes? where are they?

why am i here tho?

fuck you bitch

[hoe-imaginess]

Founders + izuna being crackhead fathers

Hashirama

•Tries to have a civil conversation with the kid that’s shit talking his son over the Fortnite mic. The kid calls Hashirama a ‘dumb old shithead’. And he is sad about it. Why are kids so mean???? He can’t let his son play Fortnite anymore

•Takes too many naps and forgets to pick his kids up from school sometimes

•When he rushes over his excuse to the teachers is “Sorry my meeting ran late!!!” but his kids know his dumbass too well they’ll expose him like, “The stupid old man was sleeping again look you can see the pillow imprint on his face”

•He sometimes gets on these little kicks of enthusiasm like, “I’m gonna make a big meal for the family!!!!” Puts his hair up in a hair net and gets to work. Either burns the food, or completely undercooks it. No in between. That is, if he can even finish cooking. He regularly sets off the smoke alarm. The pots are on fire. He uses sugar instead of salt, and can’t tell the difference between zucchini and cucumber

•He has been banned from the kitchen since

•He’s not allowed to carpool for his kid’s friends anymore because he’s too embarrassing

•Tells his kids to cover their eyes during sex scenes until they’re like... 20

•If any of his kids ever cuss in front of him Hashirama literally has a stroke

Tobirama

•Would be the type of dad to yell at his kids for always “being on that damn phone” yet he’s attached to his computer screen for work

•Doesn’t let his kids have phones until they’re literally like, 18. Because phones are distractions and they only need to be used for communication

•Actually he gets his kids those phones that only have like, 4 buttons. One button to call dad, one to call mom, one to call Aunt Mito (Hashirama can’t be trusted) and one to call the police. Who tf else do they need to call? No one hoe

•He’s the cause of the “Please knock” signs on his kids’ doors because he busts in whenever he wants

•Tears off the sign whenever he sees it because it’s his damn house he’ll go wherever he wants

•Will play games with his kids if they want but he prefers less childish games, like scrabble, and he loses it when they spell mediocre ass words like, “You had all the tiles to spell judiciary but you spelled juice instead??? Go to your room.”

•His kids learned long ago not to ask him for homework help. He teaches them his own way because shit that’s how he learned, so that’s how they’re gonna learn. And when the teachers ask the kids why they didn’t follow the rules, they literally say, “My dad said he knows more than you.”

Madara

•“When I was your age” headass. His kid has the flu and doesn’t want to go to school and Madara just, “I never missed a day of school when I was your age no matter how sick I was” ok Madara but you also probably infected everyone with fucking mono because you couldn’t just sit at home and have some chicken noodle soup 

•Gets a call from his kid’s school: “Your son called another kid a *s-h-i-t      head* today”

Madara: “That doesn’t sound like my son at all. Maybe you should monitor the other children at your school more closely, since my child is clearly learning this unacceptable language from them.”

Madara when his son comes home: “What is this shit I hear about you using obscenities at school?”

•No soda or sweets in his household you’ll eat celery for a snack and you’ll fucking like it. And for dessert you eat fruit

•Lets his kids argue with each other because sometimes it’s fucking funny. Kids are so savage. It entertains him when they verbally batter each other

•Madara forgets he’s supposed to let his kids believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and all that sappy bullshit. His kid is talking about Santa one day and Madara’s like, “How old are you now? You still think Santa is real?” And his kid starts crying and he’s like well, oops 

Izuna

•He’s the one who tells his kids that if they don’t go to bed early they’ll be eaten by the closet monster, and keeps the closet wide open every night 

•Brake checks his kids 

•Never go to Izuna for advice. His kids are probably socially-stunted because he’s so fucking bad at telling them how to act

•His kid opens up one day like, “I like this girl but she has a boyfriend ):” Izuna’s like ok? And? The best things in life aren’t free

•Or if his kid is too nervous to go talk to a girl Izuna’s like lmaooooooooo just do it pussy

•Kids will probably have to consult with Uncle Madara when it comes to romance

•Izuna is a horrible cook. He can barely make a good PB&J

•He sends his kids to school with cups of insta ramen for lunch. He expects their kindergarten school to have state of the art microwaves available in the cafeteria. They don’t. His kids either starve or eat crunchy raw ramen