#um... i made !!! 3 friends today !! THATS RIGHT.

[bangcakes]

.

[cyberkitty1]

I love your writing! Would you be able to write some fluffy headcanons about earth 42 miles meeting a quiet but not shy reader, and how they would be friends, and how they eventually start dating? Thank you - have a great day!!

Thank you so much i appreciate it <3

part 2

How do you guys meet?

You had a project together and everyone told you you’ll just have to do it by yourself because he does not care about school or grades.

Taken by surprise he actually reached out to you first catching you right when you were going to walk home.

He asked for your number and when you wanted to start.

“ Hey we gotta project in science together, when do you wanna start”

“ whenever you’d like” you say under your breath.

“hmm well wanna start like today I wanna get this done.”

“ yea sure, who’s house?“

“ I brought it up so mine”

And with that you followed him home.

When he opened the front door you where hit with and extremely delicious smell of authentic Puerto Rican food. Never in your life had you smelled something so good! Someone you assumed to be his mother spoke.

"Hola mi pequeño, cómo estuvo la escuela! ¡Oh, tienes una amiga! No me dijiste que alguien vendría, hubiera hecho más comida"

(Hello my little one, how was school! Oh, you have a friend! You didn't tell me someone was coming, I would have made more food)

“si, tenemos un proyecto escolar” he says motioning to you. She gives you the warmest smile “ well food will be done soon you can stay if you would like!” you ponder for a split second “ Yes I would love to Mrs. Morales”. “ Ok we gonna go work then”

You guys worked on the project pretty hard. Most of the time you could feel his eyes lingering on you. Buy nonetheless you guys were almost done! You decided to pause there because it was getting late. You completely forgot to tell your parents where you were; they decided to blow up your phone.

“ Hey um I cant stay for dinner Mrs. Morales Im sorry my parents need me home” “ Its ok mija! let me give you some to take home. “After giving you some food you turn to Miles. “ Thanks for having me over, we can finish on Friday if youd like?”

You said it quietly but your voice was invading his brain. “ Yea thats alright give me your number so we can talk later.” He says giving you his phone. “Yea sure”. You pass his phone back to him. “Good night Miles” you gave him the softest prettiest smile he’s ever seen.

He felt his ears heat up “good night”. He shuts the door then leans on the back sighing.

Rio looks over at him with a big smile on her face “Mi bebe esta enamorado ”

(my baby is in love)

—————————————

You have been fed for the week!! Ill try and get another done Friday but noooo promises.

Lmk if you want a part 2!

edit: part 2 will be pushed back, i don’t want it to be sloppy or badly written. I want to write to the best of my ability so please be patient!

[wintersera]

roommate au g!p chaewinter x fem!reader

notes: i fear i may have half assed the ending DONT COME FOR ME IM SORRY </3 but anyways my two favourite bob girls deserve a good dick sucking. also gaht damn reader 100% has an oral fixation

cw: g!p idol, oral (reader giving), blowjob, handjob, threesome (both idols receiving), definitely not proofread. i think thats it? lmk if i missed anything

word count: 1.8k

sunday afternoon and everything is slow as hell today, nothing is really going on and it’s just so…. boring. your roommates were nowhere to be seen, so you can’t even whore yourself out of boredom. ning was hanging out with some of her friends, aeri is out partying WITHOUT YOU? and jimin is out at a cafe. as for minjeong, she hasn’t even come out of her bedroom yet and it’s 2pm.

so what do you do? well, you knew a few friends that could help with that boredom of yours.

scrambling for your phone, you leap outta the couch and scurry towards your room. the door was already open so you didn't have to worry much about accidentally slamming it and possibly waking minjeong up. as soon as you get your hands on your phone, you immediately open up your contacts to call the one and only kim chaewon, waiting eagerly for her to pick up.

“is there anyone at your dorm right now?”

“not even a hello? a ‘good afternoon how are you’? you’re calling because you want my dick right?”

“um… yes… also good afternoon. anyways answer the question quick quick quick” on the other side you could hear laughter erupting from the girl.

“nah sorry everyones here today, even eunchae so... give me 5 minutes and i’ll be there, see you!”

with that, your very rushed conversation ended. you were glad to know someone was gonna come and fu- i mean take care of you. excited, you decide to wear your best set of lingerie for her. it’s been a while since you last saw chaewon and you wanted to make things fun for the both of you. however, unexpectedly minjeong had caught you changing through your opened door. looking cute in her oversized pyjamas and a blanket draped around her shoulders, there she stood with her mouth agape.

“oh you’re finally awake. i was so bored, minjeongie come and help me will you?” sorta forgetting that chaewon was about to come over.

“huh? i-i just woke up.. also why are you wearing just lingerie”

“oh, about that-”

didn’t seem like 5 minutes had passed, but she was already here, right outside the door. a big ass knock echoed three times as you stare at minjeong. “um… i may have asked someone else to come here, oops sorry minjeongie” she couldn’t help but pout at you, she’s just woken up and seeing you with pretty lingerie on has her thinking many thoughts. but now you’re gonna let someone else see it? she’s a little jealous, but really she wants to let you have your time alone with her if that’s what you really want.

“i’m gonna freshen up. i’ll be out in a minute” waddling towards the bathroom door.

anyway, you open the door to meet a shorter girl. of course you knew it was chaewon, so you dragged her in with urgency “i won’t lie, i need to make out with you right now” pulling her in by the collar

“fuck, is this what you’re like when you haven’t seen me in so long? are you this needy for me?” checking you out with a wide grin on her face. you hadn’t put any clothes on; just you and your lingerie. wrapping her arms around your neck, her lips almost meeting your own. you could feel her getting harder against your leg, seeing you so needy for her got her going and it made sense for her to react like that. it had been so long since she’s last seen your face, and it had been so so long since she’s had you at all. her actions alone shined through her innocent demeanour, pressing her hot body against yours to purposely rile you up.

“go on, kiss me”

her words were intoxicating, like poison it took over your body and pulled you into her embrace. no minute was wasted, her top priority was fucking you even if it was in the hallway. all clothes on her disappeared within seconds, forcefully dragging you to the couch and tearing off what remains on you so now you’re both naked.

desperate would be an understatement. there was a certain connection between the two of you and it was like electricity. every kiss she gave you felt like something new and refreshing, and it grew passionately. her lust, hunger, desire- everything; it was consuming her mind and body. she wanted nothing more than you in the moment and you let her have you. now you were on the couch with her above you. swooping down, she kisses your lips again, finding that your lips were already parted for her entry.

if your eyes were sharp enough you would’ve been able to see what was going on in the corner of your eye, but alas, you thought it was something falling or maybe something strange moving. but you didn’t care for it in this moment, your only thoughts were of the shorter girl about to dick you down. a couple of unknown groans were heard from the bathroom, and it both caught you off guard, yet you laughed, unlike chaewon who was startled “who..? come out the bathroom, creep” door opening slowly, minjeong panicking as her hands were fumbling on the door knob “..wait what the fuck minjeong?”

“my bad- i thought you guys were gonna go into the bedroom and not the couch… and i was kinda stuck in here so you know” quickly shoving her cock back inside her briefs.

“pause.. your cocks massive what the hell? join in. it’ll be fun, right y/n?”

“y-yeah that sounds fun” huffing as you catch your breath “minjeong~ come here”

yeah you’ve seen this exact scenario acted out before, but seeing minjeong bashfully drift towards you will always be your favourite thing ever. covering her face with a hand she whispers something into chaewons ears. chae nods with a grin on her face. what exactly are they planning?

hoisting herself off of you, giggling with the other bob haired girlie. no wonder why the both of them are very good friends “y/n baby, kneel down here” you nodded at her as she signalled for you to kneel in between them.

zero words were exchanged after that, but you knew what was going to happen. two women towering over you, chae who was fully stripped and minjeong who was in the process of taking off her briefs again. fuck, it was quite a view. both of their cocks were out, fully erect and ready to be sucked, but unfortunately you weren’t blessed with two mouths. however, you do have two hands that could be used.

but it’s you, you wanted something in your mouth and there’s nothing better than having minjeongs massive cock filling up the empty space. having one hand on minjeongs thigh and your other wrapped around chaewons shaft, pumping it slowly which also mirrored the speed of your blowjob. a low groan reverberated deep in minjeongs chest followed by your own muffled moans overlapping her own.

she looked down at you, seeing the way your eyes shined while you were giving her head. something in her just snapped and her hands flew to your head, pushing you down, choking around her shaft. the action causing you to moan louder. the vibrations from your throat sending shivers down her spine. your pride grew and so did your pace, bobbing your head up and down, coating her cock with your saliva.

and of course you didn’t forget about chaewon, like your mouth, your hands began to move faster. her slick coated your hands making it much easier for her to buck her hips into your fist. chaewon bit her lip in a flimsy attempt at trying not to let her whimpers out in front of minjeong and you, but she obviously failed to do so. covering her face in embarrassment only because she’s never been so riled up in front of minjeong before.

your hand felt great around her cock, rolling it all the way down her length made her feel like her body was on fire. as if it wasn’t enough you suddenly played around with her tip, swiping your thumb over it. god she was simply melting in your hands “more, more. move your hand f-faster i can’t take it anymore, fuck” a series of begs and squeels tumbling out of her mouth.

you could tell by the way she was begging that she was close to cumming, feeling her hand reach out for your arms as she squeezed them. indicating that she was about to release “good, too good. fuck y/n cum- i’m gonna cum”

toppling over as she was still standing up, she releases her load literally everywhere, her cum splattering all over the side of your face, your hand and some even dripping onto the floor.

she felt somewhat guilty for cumming way before minjeong did, so what could she do for her best friend? well of course she’d help you out by grabbing your head and pushing you faster than how minjeong had “come on. that’s a good girl, take minjeongs entire length. make her cum in your mouth”

your face began to grow hotter and hotter, eyes rolling back as you can feel minjeongs grip on your head become tighter. hollowing out your cheeks and pressing your tongue flat against the bottom of of her cock, you could feel her legs tensing as you drew her even closer to the edge “pleasepleaseplease don’t- don’t stop, i’m close pleaseee” all said while tears began to roll out from her glossy eyes.

her unending pleas and screams for you could definitely be heard by the next door neighbours, but her shame didn’t stop her from calling out for you in a manner that could only be deemed as whorish “cumming- oh god it feels too good”

rolling her head back in ecstasy, she lets out a guttural moan, gripping onto your hair for dear life. she gives one final thrust into your mouth, filling it to the brim with her cum. and she came a lot- swallowing it all and smiling innocently at her.

you watched her come down from her high, chest rising up and down rapidly. panting heavily while she’s staring at the ceiling “…are you okay there minjeong?”

“yeah, nah i almost lost my mind for a second. that was too good, i almost blacked out”

your knees starting to feel the pains of kneeling for too damn long, you spring up wobbling as you try to walk to the kitchen to grab a handful of kitchen towels.

“you guys came so much…” catching a glimpse of the wall. how the fuck did it get on the wall.. “okay now chae that’s just crazy because i know you cum A LOT ,but seriously how is it on the wall?”

yeah ik the ending is kinda abrupt but my mind ran short so… LMAO

[haechurch]

Its mark lees bday (ystd) and i recalled the fact that mark says hes quite obvious if he liked someone, and the fact that i see him kinda obsessed with butts and all those videos where he groped members cheeks never fails to make me drool..... ah i need him in lyfe fr. Also istj♡

So thats why i made this smut based on those^ happy mark day<3

Your roommate is a famous jock, who is currently not home for celebrating his birthday at some party that throws just for him. Honestly, you didn't know it was his birthday until one of your friends that went there told you so. You're known as someone who doesn't like parties, although surprisingly enough, your mbti says that you're an extrovert, but you always find that you're too lazy to do the stuff.

So you're wondering when this your famous roommate will come home from his party, and think of something you could do for him as it's his birthday. He's home pretty late when he finds you watching spirited away in the living room.

"Hey, i thought you were asleep," he said. You munch on your popcorn and replied as your eyes glued to the tv, "hm, how's your party, birthday boy?" He chuckled and took off his cap, throwing it softly on the couch beside you, and heavily seat across from where you're sitting. He leaned back and spread his legs while his hand brushed his messy hair. "Cool, kinda tiring. Feels like my energy's being sucked," "well, that sound sucks." Both of you chuckled, he's so introvert for that (lol).

"I understand," you hum. "You know," you shifted on your seat, and as mark was clearly aware since he saw you in the living room; dressed so loosely only in your camisole (braless) and short pants, showing him a pose that makes you utterly look fuckable, you blurted out, "...do you have any idea what else that can be sucked at this moment?"

"What?" His tone was confused and he's kinda taken aback by your words.

You swear to god that teasing him is the most fun thing to do in this world. You laugh your ass off and brush him away, saying that you need to take a shower since you haven't done that today. I mean, why take a shower when you're literally at home all day?

"Since it's your birthday, why don't you tell me your wish? Or something that you wanted? Think about it while i'm in the shower." You wink at him playfully as you hopped into your room.

Mark's head is full of thoughts right now. He didn't know he would ask someone for giving him a birthday present, but he knows that he really needs that. He's thinking about it so hard as he cooling his head down in the shower too, until he decided on what he wanted for his birthday, especially from you.

Fyi, you can always hear when mark lee is jerking off in his room (or bathroom) when you're home. Of course, the wall is pretty thin and he's just too loud. So when you finished your quick shower and heard him in the bathroom, you knew exactly what he need the most for his birthday.

Later, you knock on mark's door, asking for permission to barge in. "Can i come in?"

"Uh-uh, yeah, sure," when you entered his room, you saw his hair is already half dry, and he is wearing a tight black t-shirt with shorts.

Holy moly.

Honestly, no one in the world would disagree that mark lee is hot.

You're making a bee line to where he stand beside his desk, and started talking next to him. "Sooo have you decided?" He chuckled nervously and started to act like an idiot. "Decided what?"

You frown an eyebrow, "your wish? You can tell me what you want for your birthday?" You reminded him. "Oh that, yeah, um-"

He placed his hand on his nape and be looking so awkward right now, but that's why you like him.

You bit your lips in amusement. Now it's getting harder to hold back.

You can't take it anymore and lean closer to him. He didn't even budge. "Mark.." you place your hands on his torso, and he slightly flinched at your action. "Tell me.." your hands caressing him down his abs, and stop at his groin. "Your wish." You whispered in his ear, and he swear he was getting goosebumps, his breath hitched when you place your hand on his center and gently cupped his bulge.

"Wait, wait, wait, hold up hold up," he's panicking as he points a pointless finger in the air, and you went crazy because of it. You're definitely a simp for mark lee.

"I-uh, hold up a sec, are you for real?" He's questioning instead.

"What do you mean?" You smiled at him. He's so adorable.

"I mean, why are you... i feel like.. this isn't it-"

"Mark."

"Yeah?"

"Just tell me, please? What do you want right now?"

You glanced at his boner and it's so fucking obvious. God it must be hurt. He has to quit playing dumb and ask for it when he knows he needs it more than anything.

"Fuck, help me with these," he gestured upturned hands right above his legs.

"How, mark? Tell me how do you like it, hm?" He has no idea how you had so much fun teasing him.

He got short-circuited again when you press your body against him and crane your head up, about to kiss him, "wai wh-" he backed off a little and placed his hands on your waist, both eyes finding each other as you hum before slowly close the gap between your lips and kissed him.

A short one. And then your eyes meet again, and he give you another kiss, this time out of his control. He basically pressed his face against yours, hands on your jaw before he put it all over your body and proceed to push you against the wall. You hang on him by grabbing at his nape and head, ruffling his hair into a mess. The kiss never breaks, he kiss you like he mean it, now he pressed his body on yours, and you can feel his big cock, hard as a rock. He's not that silent when kissing too, you can hear his breathy grunts and the fact that he's also a moaner. He tilted his head back and forth to kiss you at different angles, his tongue all over your mouth.

Both of you squirmed uncontrollably against each other when you make out against his bedroom wall, he squeezed your ass before he tapped your thighs for you to jump on him and bring you onto his bed.

He didn't waste his time pulling down his shorts and breathily plea, "suck me off."

You delighted hearing his request, overjoyed to finally have him asking for you to please him, "as you wish, sir."

You immediately take him into your hand, eyes locked with him as he winced, groaning when you suck his tip and swallow him into your mouth. When you started to bob your head, he throw his head back with a sigh, his neckline is prominent and his adam's apple bob deliciously.

You can feel your lips torn up because of how big he is, and you can feel the veins as you drag your tongue along his shaft. "Oh, fuck, that's it baby, you're doing so good," he hissed sexily and it almost made you cum. Embarrassing.

Considering how much you are already wet for him from just sucking his cock is insane. He face fucked you as he let out his honey moans and groans, every time you find his tip meeting the back of your throat and you felt like swallowing it, you try your best not to choke miserably on his cock.

"Where do you want me to cum?" He asked. "Of course, you can't talk." He chuckled as he mocked you. "You have to swallow it like a good girl, you think you can do that?" You nod your head eagerly. "Alright."

"Good girl." Every time he spits those words from his mouth, you felt your pussy clenching and it hurts.

His thrusts are getting faster and faster when warm loads run down your throat as he grunts loudly while throwing his head back again, then when he look down, you already gaze into his eyes and barely lick your lips, mouth full and smudged with his cum and your saliva.

"Shit.." he's savoring the sight before him for a while, and then he asked.

"Can i fuck you?"

You cracking up in front of him, it's not funny at all but-

"I told you, your wish is my command, baby." You started to strip and show him your naked body, prettily exposed on his bed, ready to be used.

"Fuck, isn't this my best birthday ever?" You laugh at him again.

"I know. Happy birthday, now eat your cake." You said jokingly.

He sneered and take his remaining clothes off, then crawl into the bed, and started kissing you from head to toe. He played with your tits, fumbled them here and there, pinching your nipples, nipping and licking. He sucked on the flesh just right above your chest, your throat, your shoulder, marking his mark.

"This tells that you're mine."

"Yours."

Your voice hitched and your neck arched when he lick your pussy, eating you out. You squirm under his touch and pull on his hair, only making him more passionate to giving you pleasure. He abused your clit and folds in the most delicious way that made you a moaning mess, the sound of him slurping your juices and his moan was making you beyond aroused. His tongue and lips find their way to clean up and suck every fold, fucking your hole. You whine when you feel like you're about to burst.

"Wait, mark, i wanna come around your cock," you asked him with a pout, and he can't really resist that.

"On your knees, pretty girl." You do as he says, eagerly arching your back and showing him your ass. He slapped it. Twice.

Mark rubs his tip sensually up and down your entrance before lining his cock to your pussy, he's doing that for a while, making more juices leaking from your core. But suddenly he put his cock between your ass cheeks then poked on the entrance, but never really thrust them. He's such a tease.

"H-hurry, please.."

"Hm? It's kinda nice to hear you begging like this, you know? What is it, pretty?"

"Please, mark, just fuck me," he never felt this victorious before.

He smirked and wet his lips, "gladly."

You moan as he rams into you, he picked up a steady pace as he fuck you from behind. He got your eyes rolled to the back of your head, drools are already all over your mouth and chin.

"Fuck, mark," "it's so good. So good, so good, so good," you cry over his cock, you heard him grunt heavily and he felt you tighten when he land another slap on your ass.

"Yeah? You like that, huh? Tell me you like it."

"I like it, i love it, ah-"

He's fucking you so good you felt like you're gonna cum soon. Your pussy keeps getting tighter as it swallows him, wrapping his cock like a gift.

"Are you gonna cum? Come on, cum around me, pretty girl," he squeezed and slap your ass, his thrust never faltered, bringing you into your climax. "Ahh- i think- i'm gonna cum, mark-"

The moment he played with your nipples, you lost it, you came so hard your vision got white as he keep thrusting into you, chasing his high.

"M-mark!"

"I know baby, i know, just, try to take this one okay, please,"

He pleaded. And you moan even harder. He piston in and out until you heard his deep groans as he cum inside you. Both of you were too immersed in the sex that you didn't realize what was just happened. He quickly pulled out though.

"Shit, i'm sorry,"

"It's okay. I'm on the pill anyways,"

When you glanced at him, he was breathing heavily, sweat covering his body, making him glow under the dim light. Mouth agape, hair's disheveled. Perfect.

"So.."

"So?"

"Uh, thank you, for the present. This is what i wanted from you. I guess.."

You smiled fondly at him. He has always been just a hot roommate to you although he's actually attractive in many ways, but you might really, really like him more than you thought.

"You know what?" You get up on your elbow, "you were always loud when you jerked off."

Oh.

Oh, he's freaking out.

"And that's.. with you almost every time calling my name.."

He's swearing in his head.

Mark lee, aren't you just too obvious?

[maroonsmatt]

"ARE YOU A VIRGIN?" - matthew sturniolo

matthew sturniolo x fem!reader smut, fluff (?)

contains: virginity loss, f1ngering, explicit content (new to this so lmk if theres anything i should've put that was included)

not proof read

the sound of the tv in matts room overrides my thinking. today i'm a weird mood. matt is watching the tv as i endlessly scroll on my phone.

i get a notification from imessage. its my best friend, "em <3" its her talking about her recent hookup. as much as i love her, i cannot keep track of the men she fucks. i haven't even lost my virginity yet and i am 19. i look over at matt, his eyes fixated on the tv.

"are you a virgin?" i blurt out.

shit. why did i ask that?

he looks over at me, still processing what i had said because of how focused he was on the tv. "wha- oh? uhm.. no. why?"

"i don't know i'm sorr-"

"are you?" he asks, his eyes locked onto mine, making me feel somewhat intimidated.

"oh. yeah, i am" i didn't admit that i wanted to have sex with him, but we were dating for about 3 months. all we had done was made out. i practically yearned for it at this point. if i wanted to lose it to anybody, i would want it to be matt for sure. he makes me feel comfortable. he would. i know it.

"really?" he asks, sounded curious.

"mhm" i say with an awkward smile.

"do you want... to lose it?" he says, now touching my hair.

i hesitate. "um.. yeah."

"to who?"

he wanted me to say him. he knew i would say him. "i don't know..." how am i supposed to say that i want my clothes on his floor straight to his face?

"hm... would you want to lose it to me?" he asks.

"well...yes." i laugh.

"ok then..." he adjusts his position, now his face and hair and chains are dangling above me. i'm looking up at him, laying down. he knows how badly i want him. "why don't we? do you want to?"

i nod my head a little. "how many times have you done this before?"

"twice. now stop asking questions." he puts his lips onto mine, still above me, his arms balancing around me as if he's doing a push up. we start making out for god knows how long. as we kiss, he pulls me on his lap, in a straddle type of position.

we both pull back and i stare at him. he teases at the bottom of my tank top. i pull it off, and it messes up my hair a little. its okay. maybe thats hot to him. i am now in my lacy pink bra. he stares a little. then he gives me a little nod to unclasp it and take it off. as i am reaching for the clasp, which is taking me extra long for some reason right now. as i pull at it, matt asks if i'm nervous.

"a little."

"thats okay. its normal. i'll talk you throught it" how is he so normal and calm?

i finally get the bra off and it falls onto his lap. he picks it up and throws it away. he traces his hands up to my boobs. "tell me if you want me to stop" he says. i give a little hum of acknowledgment.

he gropes my boobs for a few seconds, then takes off his shirt.

"you're beautiful." he says looking at your eyes. i giggle a little bit. how am i supposed to act? he looks down at my shorts. "do you wanna?"

"oh..! oh yeah." i get up and take them off after zoning out for a second. all i have on now is lacey panties. he motions for me to sit on the bed and i do as so. i sit up with my back against the headboard and my ass halfway on the pillow. he sits in front of me. he pulls my panties off a little bit.

"do you ever do this to yourself?"

"yes." i say, slightly embarrassed to admitting that i masturbate.

"ok. you're not super tight. thats good." he smiles up at me. "ok i'm going one finger. tell me if anything hurts." and suddenly his finger is in there. i am already wet. his long finger is exploring and i squirm a little. "okay?"

"okay."

"good. think you can handle a second?" i nod. "okay, get ready." seconds later, theres two fingers in my clit. i let out a shaky breath.

"fuck" i whisper out of pleasure.

"does it feel good?"

"very.." i let out a soft moan.

"okay this might be a stretch-"

"yes, put the third one in. please." i cut him off. soon enough theres three fingers. i let out a moan. i squirm and bite down on my lip. "shit, matt." i throw my head back.

"i know. is it good?"

"yes.." i say as i moan again. we continue for another 2 minutes and then he pulls out, his fingers wet and my pussy soaked. i wonder if it's normal for someone to be that... wet. i look down at him, realizing how far back my head is.

"you did great." he says. he licks his fingers, smiling. "so... i don't really know if you'd like to actually... fuck...?" he says in a low and growly voice.

"um..."

"we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"n-no. i want to." he gives me an unsure look. "really."

"okay. i'll be super gentle. it's okay." he pulls my panties off my legs delicately, but throws it onto the floor. i am now completely bare. he gets up and goes into his drawer, pulling out a condom.

"oh that's fine, you don't need to."

he gives me strange look. "i am not getting you pregnant today."

"i'm on the pill." i laugh.

"oh. sorry," he puts it down. he pulls off his sweatpants, now only in his underwear. i can't tell if he's hard or has a giant dick. either way, it looks... big. "okay but listen. you seriously have to- have to be super quiet. my brothers are here."

"o-okay. i will." he nods and takes off his underwear and i guess i was right. he had a big dick. i accidentally put on a surprised face.

"you okay?"

"yeah but... are they normally that... b-big?"

"i think i am a little longer than usual." he chuckles. "you sure i'm not too big?" he says sarcastically.

"shut up." i joke. he crawls onto the bed. he flips me onto my back. "i think this way, it will feel easiest." i go into doggy position and he touches my entrance lightly. he slowly pushes it in.

"you okay" he asks, his dick barely in me. i mumble a small 'mhm'. he tries to push in more but he can't go in too much more. "okay, relax a little. it's ok." he pushes in a little more. i guess he can feel my nervousness because once again he talks to me. "hey, its okay. it'll feel good. i promise. don't be scared." i relax a little more. i trust him. he is able to push in a lot more. "good job angel." he rarely calls me nicknames. he finds them corny. he continues pushing and encouraging me until he is fully in. "that was great. now i'm gonna thrust very slowly. let me know if you need me to stop immediately."

he starts to pull out... and go back in. out... and in. i immediately let out a small closed-mouth moan. he goes a little faster. "i am going to continue going a little faster. tell me if i need to slow down"

he gradually starts thrusting a little quicker. i moan quietly again and again each time he pushes in. at one point he presses my stromach to feel how far in he is. "i'm pretty far in. is this okay" i moan out another 'mhm' for the 1000th time tonight. i start gripping the pillow. he goes faster and faster.

"i'm going pretty fast are you good??"

i let out a weak "yeah." i'm trying to be as quiet as i can but i think i am on the verge of an orgasm.

suddenly time felt like it slowed down and i felt a wave of pleasure, a rush. it felt amazing. i felt him fill me up as he slowed down. "fuuuck is that okay? i just cummed y/n." he says as he pulls out. i'm zoned out. that was unreal to me. except, i think i worried him by sitting down regularly. he worries and looks at my face and starts apologizing but i cut him off.

"that was fucking amazing." i smile. "i'm sweating."

"oh, thank god, you got me worried. you did great."

"thank you matt." i say. i couldn't have chosen a better person to lose it to. i look over to the side of the room.

my panties and bra lay together on the floor. my tank top and shorts on the other side of the room. for the first time ever.

tysm for reading! this is my first fanfic so pls leave suggestions and send requests :)

[slvthrs]

can u write shy virgin reader x soft!dom experienced vinnie? ty<333

luv softie vinnie his my baby i wanna give him head

┆.° ♡ — NSFW UNDER THE CUT

It was your biggest secret.

At first you didn't wanna be the only virgin in your friend group in high school so you lied, then everyone around you was messing around with people so why admit it then?

And now? Now you had a wonderful boyfriend who you loved so much and he never would pressure you to do anything so what was the need in telling him?

You guys would make out all the time, his hands ridding up your thighs, making circles, placing chaste kiss going all up your body he would always tell you how pretty you are, cooing at how sweet his girl was, but you would stop him every time, citing multiple reason but he didn't care as long as he got to spend time with his girl, he was fine.

But for some reason, today you woke up with a burning in-between your thighs after a particularly... interesting dream, one where Vinnie took a very... proactive role.

And before the rational side of your brain could kick in you had dialed Vinnie's number at... fuck 3:56 am.

Pick up, pick up, pick up , please

"Shit baby are you okay" He breathes out with his voice laced with concern

"I need you" You manage to whine out and Vinnie seems to get the memo cause he hangs up and you hear a ringing on your door bell 10 minutes later.

The gravity of the situation finally dawns on you when Vinnie has you pushed up against your bedroom door attacking your neck with kisses and love bites, sure to make a mark.

"Um Vin can I talk to you before we do this?" You say no louder than a whisper but he hears you and guides you to your bed and makes you straddle him with his hands and your sides and him looking attentively up at you.

"Uh so I haven't told anyone this so don't you dare, make fun of me, go it?"

"Yes ma'am"

You breath out... fuck you've never said this before

"I'm a virgin babe." The words fall out of you and you shut my eyes scared of his reaction

"Oh..." Thats all I get?

His hands trail up cupping your face, "Baby you just made this a whole lot more fun"

He tells you before flipping the both of you over, you both are quick to take your clothes of but thats were the speed stops.

His pace is excruciatingly slow, in between thrusts you can feel his lips drag all over your body, he treats you like a fragile porcelain doll that if he moves you too much you'll crack.

"Good girl, my good girl, so sweet and innocent"

He repeats it over and over like its a mantra, he keeps saying watching the way your body writhes under him reacting so delicately ad he eats it up, his girl looks so good right now.

He rides you through your first orgasm that another person has ever given you, cleaning you up, letting you use the bathroom and pulling you into bath.

"So... whats it like now that your not a virgin baby?"

[mirkomos]

Between me and You... ~cp.3

Armin x reader...

Chapter tw: cursing, alcohol, tension, armin x reader.

Word count: 2.5k

Story context: your newly broken up with jean and he won't leave you alone. You start to "date" Armin to get jean off your back, but during this fake relationship you start to develop feeling for him—your relationship with Armin becomes a bit...confusing. No other then any other relationships yours and armin's has its ups and downs but maybe it will turn into the real thing...

You gain consciousness to strong arms around you slowly open your eyes to look up and see armin–right there in-front of you…fast asleep. You were taken aback at first but then you remembered what had happened last night–you crying in his arms and falling asleep. You try to wiggle your way out of his grasp without trying to wake him up.

Maneuvering in every possible way you could think of but your efforts were no use. You heard armin groan–you look u to see his eyes fluttering “um goodmorning” you whisper. It takes him a second to realize the situation you guys are in and you watch his cheeks turn pink.

“Im sorry if this is uncomfortable you just fell asleep and i didnt know what to do so i-” you get up from his chest “armin i know what happened its ok i dont mind it at all…seriously.” Armin sits up and avoids your eyes..you move closer to him but he still looks away. Why can he never look you in the eyes in a serious conversion.

“Um are we gonna get ready for classes today?” he gets up and puts his slippers on–you lay yourself back on his bed “nah i think im just gonna skip today” you let out a yawn. Armin turns around to give you a disappointed face “hey” you whine and armin laughs “stop whining” he walks out of the room to go get ready.

Kicking your feet on his bed just thinking of armin…it made your heart beat, the you woke up this morning and realized that you were sleeping with armin made you feel flustered. Could you really have feelings for him–no– he's doing you a favor by “dating” you to help out with jean. If you expressed your feelings would they even be reciprocated?

“What are you thinking about” your suddenly snapped back to reality with armin standing next to you.

“Armin, can you stay with me today?”

He was taken aback by your words and he blinked profusely “woah um why?” he took a seat next to you– your asking the guy who was one of the top students to stay home and miss his studies just to please you “because i don't wanna be alone today…” you look up at him with pleading eyes. Armin look you in the eyes and fell back on his bed “but-” your suddenly hovering over him “ please armin we can even watch that one marine life show you like” trying to convince armin to stay was going to be hard but one you said marine you swore you could have seen his eyes light up.

“Well i guess i could stay today” you were so happy to hear this news that you went and hugged armin and he hugged back wrapping his muscular arms around you making your heart beat.

He let go— you pushed yourself up and gave him a little smirk, he turned around to grab his laptop to email his professor’s about his absence while you had made your way to the kitchen to grab something to eat 

Admittedly you wanted armin to stay for your own selfish reasons—to find out he thought of you and felt for you. Out of the corner of your eyes you see armin typing on this laptop with his glasses on. You’ve only seen them on him a handful of time before and he looked very attractive with them on.

Making your way back to armins room you lay down next to him “so…what do you want to do today.” 

“Oh theres this really cool cafe we can go to—i've been wanting to go for a while” he pulls up the cafe on his laptop, it fits his aesthetic perfectly—its very chill and there was even a small aquarium in the corner.

“Woah thats so cool armin.” armin had always had a way for finding the most fascinating places.This one time he had taken your whole friend group to a beach at a remote location,that was a really good day.

“Ok i have to go back to my dorm and get ready—ill come back after ok.” you get up and start to gather your stuff “ alright, ill see you later”

You walk out the door and walk to your dorm…on the way back to your dorm your mind was filled with only one thing 

Armin

Your moring spent with him, being able to have the whole day with him, he occupied your thoughts.I mean when did all this start—to admit you have always seen armin as an attractive guy—but your just know seeing him in a new light. Is your guys ‘ fake dating’ what triggered these feelings? If you and him actually start dating it would be much easier than faking it every time you saw jean.

Your thoughts were interrupted by texts from Sasha berating you for missing classes and not coming back last night. You get ready in your dorm and put on the cutest and most comfortable outfit you have—you text armin that your finally ready and you hear knocking on your door and you go to open it. “Armin what are you doing here?” 

“Oh—um i was already ready so i just decided to come get you.” you blushed at the comment, how long has he been waiting for you here? He extends his hand out to you…you take his hand interlocking fingers with him. “So have far away is the place from here?” he grabs his phone and pulls up the directions “well it's a little far so we’ll have to drive there.” you had forgotten that armin drives, he mostly takes the bus or walks to places— erens was the one who was driving you around.

“Arent you kinda cold?” you were wearing a thin black long sleeve shirt, he must have seen you rubbing your arms a bit. “Um yea a little-” armin takes off his hoodie that he was wearing and hands it to you —here— he give you his soft smile and a nod assuring you to take it. You put it on and you can smell his vanilla and something wood musk and it…how much you loved his smell.

You get to his car and he opens the door for you—he can be such a gentleman, he gets in the drivers seat and you guys drive off. You watch the way that armin drives, how he pays such close attention to the road, the way he turns the wheel with one hand when making a sharp turn. “Um are you ok?'' Armin asks while he's parking. You had just been staring at him for a good while…just embarrassingly nodding your head and get out of the car and he led you into the cafe.

Staring in awe at the interior design of the cafe “woah armin look at the fish” dragging him towards the fish and you being captivated by them.

You look over to armin only to catch him staring at you and snapping his eyes away 

“Oh um i'm gonna go get a menu ok”

Nodding your head in agreement you take a seat the is close to the aquarium when you get a text on your phone from mikasa saying that she overheard jean talking about you to floch and renier. Why couldn't he just leave you alone? It had been over a month since you guys have broken up—well you haven't really gotten over it yet but you were trying and he should to and he should to

Armin comes back and plops himself down on the chair, he can tell that your a bit perturbed from your face “what happened?” he hands you the menu “ jean can't keep my name out of his mouth.” your rant on and on to him about jean and he just listens…no judging or anything he's interested in what you have to say. 

“Im sorry..im just babbling on”

“No no its ok i get it….he's just being a dick”

You too sit in silence while just staring at the menu “so um have you decided what you want.” he sets his menu down and you point on the menu to what you want and give him a cheeky smile.

“Alright i'm gonna go order” he returns the smile then goes to order—for the rest of the time that you two could have talked for an eternity. Just being in each other's presence you loved being there with him talking about life and what you want for your futures. “Oh we have to get back '' Armin checks his phone and turns out you guys have been out 5 hours together and you both have barley even noticed it.

“Why do we have to get back?”

“To study.”

You guys had missed so much work today armin had insisted that you guys study when you get back. Armin always helped you study and was you tutor for a whole semester before you had eventually given up — the two of you had finally gotten back to armins room when you get a text from jean on your phone saying he wants to talk as if he wasn't already talking about you today. You respond with ‘fuck you’ and put your phone in your lap,all of a sudden it’s buzzing like crazy with degrading messages.

You start to tear up reading 

“Is it jean again? Here lemme see.” you hand armin the phone and sends a message and powers you phone off 

“Armin i can't do this anymore i need a break” you whine after only studying for 30 minutes, armin closes his book and scoots towards you. Reaching under the table he pulls out some of your favorite snacks, he probably knew beforehand that you would get tired quickly. Your eyes go wide at the site and your mouth starts to water.

“I knew that it would come to this so i'm gonna bribe you.” he slides the treats to the middle of the table and taps his pencil on your book “ alright so if you use this formula then what does it equal?” staring at the book trying to process the problem “13” you answer and armins drops his head down and shakes it. Falling back onto the couch and you whine “ This is too hard” 

Armin who had gotten tired of your whining, pulled you close to him — thighs touching — with a stern and determined look on his face. You feel yourself become tense, You’ve only ever seen him be serious a handful of times “pay attention” he says in a low voice. Maybe he had gotten tired of your stupidity— he slowly explains the problem making sure you're paying attention with each word he says. “So…what do you think the answer is now.” he stares at you with a hopeful look on his face. Turing to look at his face “um…29?”

“You got it right!”

“Really i did!?” you jump to hug him making him fall back onto the floor — grabbing your hips putting a firm grip on them. Armin couldn't help the fact that he wanted to touch you, hes been touched and starved for so long that anytime he got an opportunity, he would sure as hell take advantage of it. “Thank you armin.” you sit up and straddle him while he is on the floor. He gives you a soft smile till he starts turning red.

“Ew get a fucking room” you snap your head to see eren and mikasa standing in the doorway, quickly getting up off his lap an sitting on the couch and armin hiding his flustered face in his knees.” are you guys going to the party tomorrow?” Mikasa sits on the couch and Eren starts to take the bottles of alcohol  out of his bag. You give a confused look to Mikasa and Eren apparently sees and rolls his eyes “Our frat is throwing a party tomorrow.” he says as he’s putting the bottles in the fridge. “Someone has his panties in a bunch today huh?”

“Well because someone didn't come to classes today and I had no one to copy off of.” armin grabbing one of the snacks on the table, just shrugged it off “ It's time you learn on your own and i had a good day today so I don't regret it.” stuffed it in his mouth. You had spent another hour or so there until sasha wouldn't stop texting and calling you “alright, looks like i have to get back now or Sasha is gonna come down here herself.” you get up from the couch and immediately does armin too.

“Oh um i can walk you out.”

“Yea that’d be nice…”

A whistle could be heard from eren across the room as you two get up. You two walk out of the door and armin closes it behind him “ Thanks for hanging out with me today armin...seriously it means a lot.” you look up at him—fidgeting with your fingers. “No no i should be thanking you…its really fun being around you—you make me feel so…safe and comforted.” 

At these words you fall into to hug with armin— snaking his arms around your body, you pull away to look up at him. His eyes were so beautiful…unlike anything you’ve ever seen, they were blue like the ocean and every time you look into them it's like he was drowning you in them every time you looked at him. You just stare…your so infatuated with him, then pulling back.

“So whats this I hear about a party huh? Am i not invited?” teasing him there was almost a party there every-few weeks at the frat. You’d go almost every time just to let loose all of the stress of exams “ are you gonna go..” armin almost never goes to any of the parties— he opps to watch documentaries in his room. People say that armin is antisocial but he's just introverted.

“No i dont think im gonna go” an answer you had heard far to many times.This could be a opportunity for armin to finally reach out and let loose 

You pout and he cracks a smile 

“Yk jeans gonna be there might be a good time to get back at him.”

He stands the there and gives you a disappointed look, he knew full and well how much jean had affect you yesterday,  now you wanted to get your revenge and he knew that he was going to be an intricate part in that revenge.There was no way to get out of it, sure the thought of how you were going to use he made him nervous but there's not a thing that he wouldn't do.

“Do i have a say in this?”

“No you dont.”

With a heavy sigh he let out from his chest he had agreed to go with you. A devious smirk has spread across your face, that you tried to hide from him.

“Bye armin” words that hummed out of your mouth as you walked out of the building and you knew the exact way to use armin to make jean jealous...

comment if you want to be tagged

leave sugestions :)

[miguelunited]

I- Uh- Sure!

1610!Miles Morales x Autistic!reader

Requested by and for @tiagems

Cw: fem implied, ignore the cringy ass title

His name is Miles Morales, he was bitten by a radioactive spider, and he’s in love with you.

The two of you never ever spoke, but the feeling was mutual. In class he’d sneak glances of you, praying you’d look at him and strike up a conversation, a QUIET conversation. At lunch, when Miles eating with Ganke and his other friends, you’d sneak looks at him and pray he never saw you in fear of embarrassing yourself

When Miles would answer questions in Physics class, you’d stare into his big-brown eyes, knowing he would never look away from his paper or the teachers eyes. When you would answer questions in class you got all nervous and jittery, but Miles adored you so much for it. Miles would analyze the way your lips moved, the way your voice sounded, your body language. Miles memorized a lot about you, possibly even everything.

When Miles would get home, he’d try to design a new spider-suit for himself on paper, but would keep getting frustrated with himself because he could only draw you out of muscle-memory. When you would get home, you’d listen to music and think about the countless times you could have spoken to him but blew it because you were overwhelmed, overstimulated, and anxious.

In the end, both of you were daydreaming about each other.

You thought this Tuesday would be a normal day, but you were incredibly incorrect. You see, today is the day Miles made plans to talk to you, and maybe even ask you out.

Running through the halls, Spanish text-books in hand, was you being 3 minutes late. Right behind you was Miles, who was also late, but he didn’t really care because he used skipped this class anyway. When you burst into the door, Miles came following after.

“Señor Morales y Señora [L/N], Otrasado otra vez? Quieres explicar por qué?” Ms. Sierra asked. “Errr..ehh..no..??” You replied in a unsure tone. Miles’ eyes widened and he whispered “sh” to you so that he could explain.

“Math’s on the other side of the campus so it took us long to get here, sorry.” He scratched the back of his neck, trying to sound genuine but he really just didn’t care, as long as it got you out of trouble.

You both scrambled to your seats, you’re head immediately being covered by your hands out of embarrassment. You just waited for the rest of this period to end.

After the time had passed, it was time for lunch. You planned on leaving school for 15 minutes to go out to a café and eat. When you arrived there it was none other than Miles Morales order food at the counter. You immediately turned your face away and covered it with your hand, inching to a table in the corner.

Fortunately yet unfortunately for you, Miles had noticed you walk in, he had noticed you cover your face, and he had notice you basically waddle to a table like a penguin. He took a deep breath before walking over to your table, causing your heart to jump.

“Hey, you’re the girl from first and third period, right?” He was asking like he didn’t already know. You silently nodded in response. He sat his food down on the table and pulled a chair out. “Is it okay if I sit with you?” God, his teeth were pearly white, and his smile was so pretty.

You snapped out of your daze and silently nodded.

“So um, I was..,” He sighed, swiping his hand over his face. “I was wondering if..If you..god this is hard.. if you wanna, you know, go out sometime..” Miles’ eyes were locked on his hands, tracing lines on the table. However, your eyes never left his, maybe thats why he was so nervous. You swore you could see electric streak of blue lightning in his pretty eyes.

But you had absolutely no idea how to answer him when the question actually hit you. Your eyes widened and your breathing quickened, your hands pat your pockets and your head turned frantically. You grabbed your phone from your bag and sat it down on the table, slowly but surely, sliding it towards Miles.

He tilted his head with a small “huh..?” until you finally spoke.

“Uh..uhm..mmm..Can I get your n-number.? YoucantypeitinbecauseItypeslowan-“ Miles smiled, letting out a small chuckle before he took the phone and put his contact in.

You took the phone back, smiling at him as you both sat in comfortable silence.

[wonopia]

NUISANCE | 006. i don't even recognize myself

[WC] . 2121 prev ! mlist ! next

the next morning was the usual except sunoo had made 3 toasts of bread and when they left the house, there wasn’t a sunset- it was a cloudy sky. in a way it felt different. everything felt wrong.

it felt wrong with jungwon approaching them without being a nuisance, but at the same time it felt right?

when the four of them had arrived to they’re grandma’s house, she hadn’t responded to sunoo’s call. shrugging it off, soyeon took off her shoes before walking into the familiar abode.

but that was when everything felt wrong. how cold the atmosphere already felt, how she should’ve expected it but no one should ever. i mean of course they knew the moment would come, but today? today of all days?

soyeon screamed when she saw her, her words jammed in her throat- soyeon had so much to tell her, so much to update her on. so many things she had to ask her; for her opinion, for her advice because thats how it’s always been.

that afternoon, soyeon and sunoo didn’t go to school. in fact they hadn’t shown up for the rest of the week. as for sunoo, he returned for the second week, not wanting to fall that much behind.

but soyeon hadn’t shown up for the second week either, stuck in bed. the weather hadn’t gotten any better, even more of a reason to stay home. for some reason ever since the incident, everything felt tense and gloomy.

all soyeon could think about now was how her mom had asked her to speak at the viewing in front of everyone; relatives, friends, family friends, strangers..

of course she couldn’t deny it, so she did it for her grandma.

it had been about 3 weeks since their grandma died. it was a wednesday afternoon when the viewing took place. everyone showed up, many people from school- soyeon and sunoo’s friends.

the friends sunoo invited due to soyeons absence. soyeon decided to be strong although she hadn’t been. she promised that after the viewing, she’ll return to school just her for grandma.

after her mother, soyeon walked up to the podium that was placed beside the coffin. frozen, her hand shook intensely before putting it behind her back, squeezing it with her other hand.

“i’d like to thank everyone for coming today, and i am.. my.. um.. my name is kim soyeon and kim haejoon is my grandmother. i’m standing here today to share some memories and my highlights in remembrance of her,” her voice was shaky and clearly worn out, this was her first time in a while talking aloud.

“um one of my favorite memories has to be when she would goes to sunoo and i’s performances during middle school and would cheer very loudly in the crowd. it made it really easy to spot her and if you guys don't know my grandma, she’s definitely that odd one in the crowd,” soyeon joked earning laughs from the audience, her eyes locked with her moms.

“my grandma was someone i envied and someone that i’ll always look up to no matter the circumstances and for one this has changed a lot for me. that morning when i found her, my heart fell to the floor- actually thats not even close, my heart is literally breaking and it aches at the thought of her not being here,” her eyes began to blur, she looked down not bothering to wipe her tears, “there are so much i have to tell her and so many things i need her advice on. i never thought about how it’d be without her here… and to be honest, i didn’t want to even think about it because it terrified me. but it lightens me to know that she was never scared of dying.”

“she was the type of grandmother that would sugar coat you over whatever your parents decided, she would cook anything you’d like and whenever you’d want it. if you couldn’t finish your food, she’d finish it for you because she believed that wasting food is stupid and believed that everyone goes to heaven. she’d buy me honorable gifts even if i didn’t really deserve it because she believes that just because i tried, i deserve the world. she’d always thought that. she’s the type of person that’d repeat goodbye until you hung up because she’d never want to cut you off too short. overall she-“ for some reason, her words got stuck in her throat again.

she closed her mouth before feeling herself break down. it was finally hitting, she was never going to see her grandmother again after today.

soyeon glanced at the coffin with blurry eyes before crying horribly, “i miss her so much,” her voice cracked, “i just want to scream it, let the world know how much i love her. i want to hug her one more time, just one more time and to tell her how grateful i am for her.”

“thank.. thank you,” she bowed before walking off the podium while grabbing her paper, taking herself outside of the venue.

she stared blankly at the piece of paper in her hand, purely full of anger, sadness, anxiety, she couldn’t tell. she ripped it in half then in fourths then in eights. she hadn’t read it at all, and before she knew it she’d said everything in the moment.

her breath started to feel heavy and everything hurt, as much as she tried her hands couldn’t stop shaking.

she leaned her back against the wall before falling down on the floor, covering her face with hands. her lip trembled unknowingly, crying in silence so no one could know she was hurting.

soyeon let her head relax on the wall as she tried to collect herself, closing her eyes; all she could see was her grandma.

“yeonie?”

she opened her eyes to see jungwon approaching her, “jungwon,” she trembled, her voice was small and shaky.

he was wearing a black formal suit, even now she couldn’t help but admire him. she missed him so much, her face growing redder.

she stood up with teary eyes that stained her face. he looked at her with sad eyes, “i’m proud of you.”

and that was all he needed to say for her to run over to hug him around his torso, his arms naturally wrapped around her neck. her head fitting perfectly between his right shoulder and neck.

“it hurts so much,” she cried,“how do i make it stop? i miss.. i miss her so much.”

in this moment she felt frail and fragile like a child and all he could do was hold her. so he did. he held her tightly hoping she wouldn’t slip away if he let go.

“shh its okay,” jungwon comforted her, rubbing her back, “let it all out, I’m here,” he assured her, “i am not going anywhere.”

soyeon wrapped her arms around him a little tighter, hiding her face in his neck. they stayed like that for a while longer, just embracing one another. she eventually stopped crying and he was about to let go but she pulled him close again.

“please stay. just a little longer,” her voice seemed worn and it came out more like a whisper but he heard her perfectly fine.

“i’m right here, don’t worry,” he reminded her. she hugged him tighter, not wanting to let go, “yeonie?”

she hummed in response, wanting him to continue, “i um, i’ve missed you. i’ve been so worried.”

soyeon kept quiet before talking normally but once again it came out more like a whisper, “i miss you too.”

he shut his eyes at her response, “are you tired?” he asked.

“i feel like falling asleep in your arms,” she laughed, jungwon could feel her laugh vibrate against his chest that reminded him that this was real. that she felt safe in his arms.

her laugh put a strange feeling in his stomach, something that is always present when she’s there.

“let’s go back, yeah?” he told her, slowly pulling away to look at her. tears stained her face but she still looked so effortlessly pretty. he wiped the fresh ones off her cheeks before saying, “you look great.”

she decided to believe him, following him back to the viewing and when she returned everyone was already lining up to greet her grandmother goodbye at the coffin. soyeon tensed up, freezing in her spot.

“if you’re not ready, we don’t have to.”

she could see sunoo in the line, looking just as broken as herself, “i can do it, thank you, jungwon. i’ll find you afterwards.”

he nodded as he watched her walk toward sunoo.

“hey sun,” she greeted him.

“yeon,” he gasped, wrapping his arms around her, “i..“

“i know already,” she smiled sadly, “we’re twins, i know exactly how you feel and it’s like a second heart in my chest so everything hits twice as hard.”

he nodded before facing forward in the line. they were next up, she interlocked they’re hands.

hesitantly they walked up together since soyeon had already cried it out, she was able to feel a little more sober than sunoo but on sunoos part he started to cry seeing her laying in the coffin.

she knew he wasn’t ready either, that morning when she volunteered to go inside the house it was because he knew and didn’t want to know if it was true.

that afternoon they’re grandma's house was being put up for sale and they had the right to keep anything within the house. soyeon kept a brown jewelry box including some of her jackets, she took her grandmothers bedside table lamp too, but overall she didn’t need anything. sunoo had taken some backpacks and her tapestry. the rest were put into storage and several for sale.

the next morning, soyeon arrived at school alongside sunoo. they took a public bus to school and sunoo walked her to class before walking himself. soyeon kept quiet and to herself, she didn’t feel like conversing with her friends but when they’d talk she’d listen.

“kim soyeon,” our teacher called out, soyeons ears perked up, “coach trix wants you to go to her office.”

soyeon knew exactly why she needed to go there, and it wasn’t good. when she walked into her office, coach trix greeted her.

“i heard about what had happened,” coach trix sighed, “i’m sorry for your loss. i know it’s hard on both you and sunoo, but you haven’t been practicing for about three weeks. have you?” soyeon shook her head, coach looked at her disappointedly, “i’m sorry but as coach, and for what’s best for the team, i have to demote you from being captain of the soccer team. if you can show me that you're ready to play competitively, i’ll be waiting for you.”

there it was, not to mention prom next weekend. everything was just falling apart in her hands. she was able to keep up with her academic works aside from history; they had a bunch of in person assignments that she couldn’t cover at home.

by the time she left coach trix’s office, it was already lunch time. she showed up at the cafeteria before searching for her friend group. when she saw them, both groups were there- jungwon’s and her own.

a lot has changed in 3 weeks and she has to somehow figure out a way to adapt to them.

soyeon sat beside eunbi before resting her head on her arms.

“hey girl,” eunbi poked, “after practice, do you want to maybe hang out at my house? we don’t even have to do anything special, we could just chill.”

soyeon could only have that sad expression on her face as she shook her head lightly, shutting her eyes to rest.

“i’m not going to practice today,” she mumbled, not wanting everyone to hear.

if she were to show up at practice, everyone would know. she didn’t want to be there to see everyones reactions. in fact, she didn’t even feel like being apart of the soccer team. i don’t feel like myself.

“what why?” she asked with worried eyes, her hand landing on her upper back, “you can always talk to me.”

“yeah i know,” soyeon nodded, keeping her eyes shut, she could feel heavy eyes on her. too many for her liking. she just wanted to cry and jump into a hole, “i.. i just have a lot of.. um.. history work to catch up on,” she said, hiding her face in her arms.

eunbi nodded slowly, sensing that soyeon didn’t feel like talking about it so she rejoined the conversation with hana and heeseung.

note: sad intimate moment :(

© wonopia 2024

open TAGLIST: @seunghancore

[crushculture03]

Chapter 9

Jules quickly made her way onto the bus, saying a quick thank you to mark as he left to go be with matty while he met with the fans.

When she walked inside, it was just the band minus matty. "Hey guys! Excellent set tonight!" jules complimented them, "Thanks jules, was it busy at the merch booth today?" Ross asked, looking up at her from his phone. "Yeah almost sold out of everything towards the end of the night" she responded, "Wow thats insane" the bassists said back.

Jaime then walked out from the back of the bus and greeted the girl with a simple "hey". "Hey Jaime! What did you want to talk to me about?" jules asked, slightly nervous. "Here follow me to the back to talk" he said and motioned for her to follow him. Jule's nerves were eating her alive as she made the quick walk to the back room of the bus, that had become Jaime's togo office.

"Is everything alright? Did I do something wrong?" jules asked, trying not to stumble on her words. "No no jules everythings fine, sorry didn't mean to give you a fright" jaime responded, chuckling slightly, "I just wanted to say you did an amazing job tonight, I'm glad to have you part of the team, and also this is a bit more serious I know about you and matty" he said, as he sat down on one of the benches, motioning for her to sit down as well.

"Oh, well um" she stuttered out, she felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment , she didn't know how to respond to that. "Jules I'm not mad, i'm honestly happy for you both, just don't let it distract you from your work ok?" he said, Jules let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding in, and responded "Yeah of course, don't worry it won't intervene I promise".

With that jamie smiled and nodded his head, "Don't worry I'm gonna tell him the same thing when he gets back from meeting fans." he respond, jules nodded her head. "On another note let me give you a quick debrief of what the next couple months with look like, we have New jersey, Philadelphia and chicago next, then wisconsin, texas, arizona, Los angeles , san francisco , portland, seattle , and vancouver then we have a 2 week break so the boys can record the 5th album then we start back up in Manchester" he finished "Wow that's alot" she chuckled, "But i'm excited, I had alot of fun tonight and am super excited for the rest of the tour!".

"We're glad to have you here jules!" jaime said, soon the noise of the bus door opening was heard signaling that Matty had finally made it. "I'll let you get back to the band but send matty back here when you have a chance" jaime said to her and she slowly stood from her seat, she nodded her head and made her way to the front of the bus.

Matty spotted her as soon as she walked out of the back and ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He had a huge dopey grin on his face as he looked at her, "You have a good time meeting fans?" she asked him, " yeah they always make what we do worth it, they waited 2 hours just to see us after the show" matty responded, Jules loved how excited he was right now, and the fact he ran to her to tell her everything about the interactions.

"I remember doing that in 2013, I actually got george,adam, and ross to sign my CD, it's one of my most prized possessions" she smiled, that seemed to catch the 3 boy's attention. "Really? Thats so cool" george said, causing ross and adam to nod their heads in agreement. "Wait only the three of them? where was I?" matty asked.

"My friend Hailey was complaining about the cold and you were a few fans away, so unfortunately we had to leave but you can always sign it if you want" she said, which caused him to smile. "I'd very much like that" he grinned and kissed her cheek, "By the way Jaime needs to talk to you, about us" jules said. "Oh ok, well I'll be right back" matty responded, then turned and made his way to the back of the bus.

"Jules come take a seat, the bus is about to start heading back to the hotel" george said and motioned for her to sit between him and ross. Jules sat down on the comfortable bench and looked between the two "So matty tells me you're a big fan of charli" george said, Jules chuckled and nodded her head "Yeah, I've liked her music for a while, i saw her preform once for an event a while ago when I was running merch for a different band, Unfortunately I only got to briefly met her, we follow eachother on instagram but I've been too nervous to dm her" jules confessed, she remembers the time Charli liked her post about going on tour with the 1975, she screamed which cause matty, who was sleeping next to her, to wake up panicked thinking something was wrong, when he found out it was just charli liking her post he vowed that he'd talk to george about asking his girlfriend to visit hinm on tour so the two could meet.

"Wow thats really cool, you know she's going to be at our L.A show, when we talked last she begged me to tell her all the details about you and matty, see her and carly have been dying to meet you since they heard from adam and I that there has been some flirting between you and our beloved singer" george said, chucking slightly.

"Really? We're not even dating yet, but it would be a dream to meet them, i'm such a fan of both" jules responded, silently screaming inside that these two amazing women wanted to meet her. "Don't worry you two will be together soon, matty is quite fond of you" ross responded, just as matty walked back into the room. "Are they bugging you jules" matty chuckled, and took a seat next to ross. "No they could never, we were just talking about my love for charli and carly" jules said, matty nodded his head in response.

For the rest of the time on the bus, everyone just talked amongst themselves. As soon as they arrived at the hotel, everyone quickly made their way back to their rooms, utterly exhausted from the show. "Jules, wanna spend the night in my room?" Matty asked, sending her a pleading look, "Of course, Let me get my stuff though since we're leaving tomorrow" she responded, as the two got in the elevator and made their way up to her room.

A/N Please read :

A cute little filler with jules fangirling about charli and carly!

Also heads up the time line is a bit messy but basically they met in december then the band went on tour in mid january and now in the next chapter it's going to be the second week of february. so they've basically known eachother and have been flirting for 2 almost 3 months :)

Hope everyone has been enjoying the story so far! feel free to leave any suggestions or feedback in the comments! i appreciate you all for taking the time to read my story :)

[taevayu]

HEYY TAE I really hope you’re doing okay, especially with school and life in general. JUST KNOW I LOVE TALKING TO YOU HEHE🙏🙏 you seem like a creative and inspiring but nice person talking to so :DD anyways, as always take care of yourself. also, for funsies; tell a storytime OR/and what made you do mood boards/create usernames(if this is even the right term or right way to put it aa) in the first place? - 📝 anon

HELLO i’m having a good start today so it’s swell, not really doing anything exciting today uwu, going out to lunch, hopefully have cake although my teeth will fall out…

awww :00 same i also enjoy talking to you! take care of urself too?!?! actually i’m pretty much the opposite, i’m not creative i’m not inspiring and i’m very mean in real life 🤓

this will be getting long so i’ll tell a different story time another day

—— so um i got tumblr because i used to do uploading and specifically id steal look at dividers on here. my first follower was my irl friend (sup @upside-down-theater-kid ) !! i started learning how to do things, and used to reblog a bunch of things (but now that’s on @jinnifishy so check it out!)

i’m not really sure what happened then, but i THINK i saw some moodboards and i THINK i was like WOW THATS SO COOL, and i asked my friend how to make icons line up next to each other in a post.. (but then i figured out that you had to drag them 🥲)

i first made some moodboards for my best friend, and then started doing some more because it was so fun (even though it was really time consuming)

i did not get a lot of attention back then, but i was really happy if at least one person noticed! it was such a chill life, i got followers a bit slowly…

then i decided to upload more than just moodboards on a kpop person’s birthday, because why not, i can do anything else 🤷🏻‍♀️ i had a bunch of usernames on some document and decided to share some of it with the world. it completely went KABOOM and i’m still getting likes today on it!!

after a while, someone finally came up to my ask box and asked me to do usernames for something. and i was really excited when i woke up because i’ve never really gotten that many requests before, so i was bound to do it asap. it got a decent amount of attention, and soon several other people every now and then asked me to make usernames for them too.

i’m not sure when the it exponentially grew to be honest, but it did happen sometime when i was making users and now i have an inbox with around 80 requests, around 500+ followers (and more each day!), and so. many. posts.

i grew from having a small moodboard blog to something more messily creative with usernames in a bigger stage (and nowadays i don’t really upload as much moodboards as i used to because of my inbox *coughs aggressively*) i am much more known for my usernames, then moodboards, then bios, then *yet to come*

i didn’t realize this would be the life i would come to live on tumblr, but despite times when i lost energy and creativity, i still found love for doing what i do. because it made me happy in the first place, and it makes me happy when people like what i do without judging, without knowing who i am in real life (except for like 1-2 real mutuals BAHAHHAHA)

so thank you! anyone seeing this and 📝 anon, have a great day <3 (and thank you for making it wonderful especially today!)

[midnighteloquence]

upside down cat plush

small rant roday because i wanna talk about today and stuff

um so straight off the bat im in the bus with C and a friend of ours ill just call D for the time being. and so theyre just talking amongst themselves not really including me which yeah i kinda feel shitty because of that but eh. they get off the bus still not talking to me at all which is kinda unusual because theyll atleast try talking to me

anyways i can already tell that C does not wanna be near me like theyre showing B stuff and not showing me unless i ask “can i see?” which just sounds soooo desperate ugh and they were also just not talking to me only responding with a “ok.” which like okay

um so i go with B walking around talking about mario (and a little bit of C because i wanted to mention that C does not like me) and so he and A are walking around idk what they were talking about mmfao

the most came from my dance lesson where C and D are talking shit about someone which to my overthinking mind im immediately rhinking me so i go to get my bottle in a separate room because its like my only chance to be by myself and chill out so i dont breakdown /nav

um so then at some point C is RIGHT NECT TO ME. with my tiktok up, ahowing D. and theyre talking about me. right fucking next to me. which uh what the actual fuck?? they moved away and i heard D say faintly “shes waiting for you to leave first” which no the fuck im not?? im actively sending you apologies for being distant, im sending you nice tiktoks and you think that?? um so i just get really anxious and panicky (none of this is a vent) like close to tears breathing heavy the whole package!! i go to the bathroom so i can fucking calm down (and apparently they were shittalking me while i was gone) uh im still feeling nauseous

anyways so english is next and i have B in my vlass so i tell them that like “hey i have to talk to you about stuff” and so at lunch i tell them about what happened in dance and i also told them about the fact that C does things that i donttttt like at all (i told her to continue acting normal and not confrontational because i dont wanna cause a rift in the friendgroup)

so end of the day woo hoo im boiling ik nauseous i have a headache im tired overall doing grand and im in the bus and D and C are talking to some guy on the phone and idk why but all of a sudden C starts talking to me normally again??? like you spent all day either avoiding me or shit talking me and then youre just gonna talk about some random cunt i dont care about anymore thats a therian?? like dude and you expect me to act normally the whole fucking day?? its like what

um so i gave him a huge apology since ive been distant recently but to be honest i think that wasnt good of me to do. like he was the one that did me wrong, that insulted me, that repeatedly made me uncomfortable, that bit me, that stole my phone and went through it, that lies to me constantly, that shit talked me infront of me, the list goes on, but somehow im the one who ended up apologising and its just so backwards. it happens so much that i end up apologising to people who fucked me over and i just dont know how to stop i just cant handle people hating me or ignoring me or just ugh.

anyways thats my dayyyyy :3 have a nice one by- AHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHELP ME HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *drunken father beats me to a bloody pulp, laughing track plays*

also i was rlly stressed out about the whole kissing thing because idk what if i fuck up and so i asked him and be said like lemme put the screenshot. like soskiejsidhhuhhhhh

istg this cannot be platonic anymore istggggg

[psychicdronefemale-ocd]

Anxiety Dump #2 (Feb 9, 2023)

I haven't really been chronicling (chronicalling?) my feelings and my ups and downs the way I've meant to. But I think it is a positive and important thing to do. I find that I turn to journaling when I'm feeling the worst, when I'm so overwhelmed that I need to scream into the void and beg it for relief. But this creates a very skewed sample of notes. I need to journal when I'm feeling medium, or feeling good, too. But I don't feel compelled.

On December 12, I wrote this in my notebook: "After months of feeling low and anxious, and an indeterminate amounts of weeks feeling overwhelmingly low and anxious, I've had a streak of maybe 3-4 days where I've felt really good and normal. Today when I tried to work I felt a bit overwhelmed again, but this is progress and a good sign. Remember! The worst episdodes always pass, and I am normal/myself at the end of it"

I think that's literally the only time I wrote anything down about feeling ok. A little inspirational note to myself for the next time I felt low. It's an okay sign in that it means I haven't reached that desperate breaking point, but I can be doing better.

A week or so ago I had a very strange and uncomfortable episode where I took a voice recording. Not exactly journalling but just as useful. I got super overwhelmed and confused and flustered and I couldn't think straight and I didn't trust my perception of reality. It was when I was driving home from work one day. I started thinking about the subconcious things we do, and how we perform little actions completely without thought. I wondered, what part of me drives these actions? I think I slightly spiralled about the "what ifs" around these actions that are seemingly automatic, not contemplated/considered beforehand. And I spiralled about what it means in regards to identity and self… these actions are not driven by the voice in my head or any internal dialogue at all. Who is it then? What parts of myself exist and compell me to action without "me" knowing they exist? What is "me"? How do I control "me" and my actions? How do I shape something that I'm unaware of?

I'm apprehensive to replay them in the case that they trigger me, but I'm going to give it a shot. This was recorded while driving. I started feeling extremely panic-y and drifty outside of my body and confused. For no real reason at all. To ground myself, I started talking to myself, trying to articulate the feeling/thoughts because nothing in my head made sense.

(Oh, based on title of voice recording, it was Jan 26 - two weeks ago, and I think that did correlate to PMS/my period).

"I just want to see if I'm making sense. So, I'm experiencing these new feelings/new reactions to familiar situations, and I'm struggling to do things that I don't think I should struggle with. Maybe thats okay, maybe that happens sometimes, when you get overwhelmed with life, maybe you're healths not right, maybe you've got your period, maybe there's this big pile of stuff like finding out your friend is dying, um, that makes you a little bit less functional. I don't know! When I… in my head I don't make sense, I don't feel coherent, I can't follow my thoughts. It's all swirly and I don't know why, it's just kind of noisy and weird and something feels unfamiliar. I don't feel like, normal, or myself, or familiar inside my own head. I don't recognize … it doesn't feel comfy, it doesn't feel like that's Janna that I know. But you know what, I have to remind myself, like sometimes I do feel like myself. Like me. Um, and there was a big length of time where I really didn't, and like, I came back. You know? I found myself… I mean I don't know how to describe it, but I wasn't lost. I was overwhelmed. I was going through health stuff. Um, is this a normal practice to say things out loud because your heads too … you can't focus in your own head? I don't know, ugh. I guess that I'm just like, I'm finding myself getting lost in things, getting bogged down in things, and feeling like I do actually know the meaning of "lost" or "bogged down". I don't think that until I experienced the feeling that I'm feeling now that I actually understood what that meant. I thought it just meant getting too into something at the cost of other more important things, but like the feeling that I'm feeling now, is that I get bogged down, claustrophobic, suffocated in a thought, and then I just can't think anymore. And experiencing that, for what feels like the first time, is just really unsettling. Is this normal? When I say this out loud and put words to it, it doesn't sound that out of the normal, or extreme. I think that sometimes people just like break down a little bit and have to step back and move on from a topic. I think that maybe if you have the skills/familiarity, like being able to recognize your emotions then that's what you do, you just say like, this isn't fun or comfortable, this path of thought is too uncomfortable to follow anymore, I'm going to step out of it and go somewhere that is more safe, or whatever. Ugh. In don't know, I mean, when I hear myself out loud I feel like I am making sense. I don't feel like reality is tearing. I don't feel like I'm dissociating, or like my brain is frying. I mean, I do think its a negative feedback loop. I think its a very literal negative feedback loop. That's another thing that I don't think I really knew the meaning of - negative feedback loop. When I first started thinking of that term I was like "ok a negative feedback loop is when you think unproductive thoughts that go in a cycle of non-productivity because of their content", if that makes sense. Just unproductive thinking, poor problem solving, um, I can't really think of any example. It doesn't really matter. The negative feedback loop that I feel like I'm experiencing right now is LITERALLY a negative feedback loop of just like, power moved.. this loop isn't looping anymore, it's just looping, looping, loopin' to nothin'. Hahaha. Maybe that's what that term is supposed to mean. It kind makes sense. Maybe its supposed to mean both things. I don't know, I just… it's a really uncomfortable feeling to not feel familiar in your own brain, to try to follow these pathways that aren't actually there, or you know like, go down these familiar roads of thought and just find that you're like, stuck. You're dead, you're, like… it's causing you panic, it's causing you confusion. It's…. I don't know, like, in a way I don't even feel panic I just, in this moment, I feel kind of nothing and it's really weird. And I'm like, searching myself for what I'm feeling, what I'm supposed to be feeling, and I just don't know."

So I got to my house, went inside feeling very strange and uncomfortable. I decided to take a bath. The loud noise of water in the bathtub was soothing, somewhat. I recorded another note.

"I think I just ID'd the negative feedback loop. It's that I'm trying to problem solve, but there's no solve. I just have to wait, and trust. And that is really how I'm feeling, and um, [muffled] ….all of its structures and all of its patterns… problem solving… There's some days, when you just don't feel good, and there might not be a reason… but you just have to be like "I don't feel good and this might happen from time to time, and I'm not going to think about 'what does this mean' or 'what's going to happen in the future'". You just have to be like, I don't feel good, and this will pass, it always passes. And just do my best to take care of myself in the meantime. I guess that's another thing, like, sometimes I just find myself, like, "how do I help myself?" "how do i get through this" [muffled] … But also, I was distracted, [muffled]… But that's when I got really fucked up, when I started thinking about why we do things. Like, why do I gesture like this? Why do I look at my phone in the passenger seat? I don't think a thought. I just do it. And that part of me seems to be a … I don't wanna say responsible because I look at my phone while driving and stuff, but I think its [**loud water noises]… the voice that's saying "somethings wrong and you've gotta fix it" and "this means this, and that means that" and like, I don't even know, like an awareness of all the components of me, and my actions and my life [inaudible]… triggered a shutdown sequence, a meltdown. When I say that out loud it seems normal, like that could happen to somebody else. I don't know about me, but um, …. mental phenomenon like that. I don't know. My body is going through a change, and I am going through a change, on the road to feeling better, and [inaudible] getting off the rollercoaster, and there's more consistent, stable days to come. It's just so weird, because like, when I think of a me that I'm familiar with, I think that I'm pretty stable, pretty mental, pretty mind-y, haha. Um, I've got a lot of stock in my thoughts. But there's, you know, like, who pulls the strings of my body? It's not my invasive thoughts. It's not at all. It's not the weird voice or thought that says "what if" and that fears the worst case scenario. So that's nice. And it's not the confused voice. There's something behind that that's pressing the shut down button. What is it? My mom would say its God… This bath made me feel better. But maybe its the epsom salts, it's autism and I need magnesium, haha. Maybe I need medication, maybe when I feel like this I need to take ativan. But like, oof, is ativan the one? I'm a little terrified of dissociating, I'm like… what if I'm not actually in the bath right now, what if I'm actually wreaking havok on my life and doing something destructive and horrible and I don't even know it. But like, what do you do with a thought like that? It's a horror movie, it's not reality. But sometimes reality is pretty bad. Um… I don't know. Whats the moral of the story? What is a negative feedback loop? It's me trying to get out of myself, out of my head, trying to help, trying to do something. Instead of like, surrendering and being like "what is the feeling" and that's probably got something to do with it, that I won't surrender to the feeling. How can I feel the feeling if I'm feeling things in response to the feeling and those things are this strong panic feeling? It's a cascade. And the thing that frightened me so much in the beginning is pretty hard to find in that big pile of feelings. Especially ones that scream the most scary thing they can. Sigh. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the tool, maybe I have to read more books. Haha. But, for now, I'm ok."

*I think here I am talking about my tendency to want to instantly react to negative thoughts, feelings, etc, and to problem solve them and address them immediately. I am very direct and forward and I don't like to avoid problems, I like to face them head on and solve them. I don't like to sit with my bad feelings or my bad thoughts. And I don't like to run from them either. I try to confront them and solve them. But sometimes I just can't, especially not on my own. **I think here I am talking about how that subconcious part of me that just does things without thought seems responsible, seems trustworthy. it really freaked me out to think about a part of me that isn't conciously engaged in a mental dialogue. like, how do I evaluate the motives of this aspect of myself? How do I regulate its behavior? It freaks me out now as well, honestly. But it seems wise, it seems consistent. It doesn't act erratic or unpredictable. But why?

end of messages

I ended on some wisdom there, for sure, but it is scary to just suddenly feel paralysingly high on your own thoughts. Reading back on that, I did feel a lighter version of that head-swirl feeling today. Like my thoughts take the form of bees buzzing, or spiders skittering, rather than anything I can actually grasp and focus on.

I hate that I can't trust my own thoughts, my own mind. I hate that I have to contemplate every thought that I have and wonder, is this an intrusive thought? a sabbotaging thought? or is it actually reality? I think it's created some interesting or useful or positive mental effects, just in terms of critical thinking maybe, but it's also sometimes feels like I'm gaslighting myself eternally. BUT! That's why I want to keep writing. Writing in all moods, writing on many days over periods of time. There's lots to learn about myself, and I think that writing is an excellent tool for making a certain voice in my head come forward, for revealing themes, etc.

But… lol…. now I'm talking about voices in my head. I really wish I had a better understanding of the mind/brain/etc. There has to be a way to describe this without sounding crazy. But also, thinking about this has suddenly gotten super overwhelming. It's that "too high" feeling again. I will take a break and relax now. Bath and stardew, or vampire survivors!

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

AXEL IM GOING TO JUMP OUT A WINDOW OH MY GOD LITERALLY KILL MEEEE 😭😭

ITS AUDITION DAY OHCMY GOD!1?2!?1?1!1? PLEASE IM FREAKING OUT AKANDHWKBE (can u tell i’m nervous?)

oh my god dude i found out that my friends auditions ARENR UNTIL 3-4 HOURS AFTER MINE 😭 like i was asking them “what time is your audition at?” AND THEY WERE LIKE “oh mine is at 1:30, mine is at 2:00, mine is at 1:45” BITCH WHAT MINE IS AT 9:45 😭😭 WHY IS MINE SO MUCH EARLIER THAN THEIRS 👺 and then my friends who are applying for music THEIR AUDITIONS ARE ONLY GONNA TAKE 10 MINUTES WHILE MINE IS GONNA TAKE 4 HOURS 🫠 literally kill me like i already know im not gonna get in whats the point of me even showing up 💀

omg dude my band trip to disneyland is next month AND WE’RE STILL LIKE 7K SHORT QEJSKQJWJOEB😥 lowk kinda scared that we might not go and that i made my parents spend like $800 on nothing but um oh well 😀

MY FOOT IS ASLEEP AND MY DOG JUST ATTACKED IT HELP ME IT HURTSS !!5!3!!5!2!

ANYWAY HRUUU??? omg i’m so glad you finally for a few days off from work !! i don’t even work but im assuming its hella tiring right?

OKAY THATS ALL FOR NOW (imma send like 3 asks today i swear💀) BYEBYE ILYSM💗💗

-bambi

AHHHH I HOPE UR AUDITIONS WENT WELL BAE!!!

help why ARE urs so early…. THATS CRAZY LMFOAOA WHAT THE FREAK!! AND FOUR HOURS LONG???? WHAT WERE U APPLYING FOR THAT TAKES FOUR HOURS OMG . U DONT KNOW ANYTHING HUSH THERES NO POINT IN FORTUNE TELLING WHEN THE FUTURE IS UNPREDICTABLE!! DO NOT PUT NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IN THE UNIVERSE U WILL DO GREAT AND HEY IF U GET IN AMAZING!!! IF U DONT THEN THATS OKAY TOO BUT EITHER WAY HAVE SOME FAITH IN URSELF 🤬🤬🤬🤬

7k short omg… and it’s next month?… yeah i fear u better be prepared to lose that $800….

NOT UR DOG ATTACKING UR FOOT SOBS 💔💔💔

i’m ok!! still tired LMFAO i might actually have to end up working tmmrw so … yay 😍 idk it’s not hard yk? bc the store i work at is usually dead so i’m like getting paid to do nothing basically LMFAO i just… don’t think i’m built for customer service like whatsoever . and also i have to drive pretty far for work so that gets tiring too but oh well ! gotta get the bag somehow i guess

BYEBYE ILYM!

[suiciderape]

oreos impressions trademarkorea? yes! are u chill? yes mam im in ur diamond mindz geto reall cool? geto real real bad cut markz on my arma uu nah geto real im im hell beezy geto real im ok im awkward im in hell what are u fucking doing?? nah oh! im in geto hellspace ur ok right? yes i am taking a selfie in hell she got me out of here! yes ok hii! yup weve been in contact! shes on my bed typing uppercap?!!! fuck that shit geto fucktard are u ok? yes im im her room still im ok gemimi geto hell 3? yes were ok always have been romeo made sure of that were geto hell lovers ok? shes my myspace wife literally she cant stop asking if im ok! um i didnt get hurt u did when u met choi paranoid my twin sister yas geto bitch! uh! shes in! im ok literally that was her one surfbort eww get my macbook pro omg shes geto fucking luv it! rn get up oh my god! f uck is this shit? dezmond ew thats hella much nasty as fuck yes it is! who? millionaires ok what the fuck is this shit? shes geto real im just taking a selfie and shes mad about it ok! ew haha ok surf gi hi ugly𝖌𝔢𝖒𝔦𝖒𝔦 𝔤𝖊𝔱𝖔 𝖍𝔢𝖑𝔩 3 ghetto skank thank u ok i was 12 ok! whore liminal mall hahaha um hi! can u see me? no babe thank u omg im sorry! its fine :) she can make liminal malls on neptune the sky laanding gemimi geto hell 3 im here! im here! yoon keeho p3k awk nah its a macbook pro gemimi virgo? geto hell 3 today fuck whore nah it aint making it fuck u bitch i have unsexual pleasures theyre weird chanhee *pop* me dudee romeo lit af! jisung private school suicide cant help u cunts! thats it im in pain so suck a fuck bitch omg her fun sucker! ew bitch i fixed it! he literally did so fuck u i didnt do shit and im the real romeo so ur pussy sho as hell stinky fucking slut! pop me chanhee uh! no way did she say that i got in luxe traineer about it romeo sluuht phew-wha!! racist sluht! ew hes my romeo juiliet is me cunt whorebath ew! hell nah u stinky hahaha im on neptune eating spicy peanuts surf could cutz horror nvm! anyway hows the selfie looking? what about romeo nigger i have to live on neptune ur a dirty skank certified ur macbook pro nvm! romeo didnt do shit i just like making fun of slutty horror chinese horror cutz asian bean is ur best friend? 9 fe and i promise ur a dirty emo gym class hereos romeo south korean sk sui shordy 9 fuck ass beezy 1st birthday cunt 9 fe choi paranoid chanhee *pop* me we the boyz offiical manga on neptune east side castle manila - sk sui shordy 9 fe

[bellshazes]

luv, professionally: etho and bdubs prioritizing each other's health and safety or the destruction thereof over the years, featuring lies, murder, and a little bit of love. clips from third/last/double life, UHC, etho's singleplayer LP, survival of the fittest s1 and hermitcraft s8. a weak simulation of my brain every hour of the day thinking about how everything is exactly the same, forever, except moreso.

transcript under the cut courtesy of @single-malt-scotch

Transcript:

Bdubs: Love professionally, Bdubs.

[cut]

Bdubs: Alliance and priority is Etho's love and health.

[cut]

Bdubs: Alright firing squad, ready? Bdubs: 3, 2, 1- fire! Etho: No! Ouch! [yelling] [all cheering]

[cut]

Etho: If it was a TNT canon, what you would do is you would get some slabs or something, ladder over here.. [overlapping] Bdubs: Slabs- ladders right there- yep, yep- Uh-huh. You watched my tutorial I see? Etho: And then like this. Bdubs: Uh-huh. Etho: And then- [a creeper explodes behind Bdubs]

[cut]

[Clip of Bdubs firing a TNT canons at Etho. Bdubs' canon Blow up a majority of where Etho is standing.]

[cut]

Bdubs: I really like Etho- I wish we wouldn't have- had to fight e-each other. Cleo: I mean… Etho made his own choices.

[cut]

Etho: Bdubs has no gear… Bdubs- Someone help Bdubs, please..

[cut]

[In a fight with multiple players, Etho aims his bow at Bdubs, but pulls it away]

[cut]

Bdubs: You would never turn on me, would you? Impulse: No! Bdubs: You wouldn't? Impulse: You life is my life! And vice versa. We gotta keep- keep caring for each other. [overlapping] Bdubs: Oh thats- [laughs] That's right, you really don't have much of a choice, do you?

[cut]

Bdubs: We teamin', right? Etho: As long as I have your word you're not gonna shoot me in the back… Bdubs: Definitely not. Etho: That you're not going to? Or… [text on screen says "You have been cuffed!"] Bdubs: Okay, alright. Etho: Hey! [both laughing] Bdubs: Did you feel that? Etho: I did.

[cut]

Bdubs: Look, lets prove it- [Bdubs hits Impulse] Etho: Now is this- is this a happy marraige or is this like uh.. [overlapping] Bdubs: Its a fantastic, happy marraige. Etho: It's like- 'Well, I did the best I could in my life this is what I'm gonna have to settle with, and…' Bdubs: Oh my goodness… [laughs] Matryn: Wow… Bdubs: I mean… Impulse: We are an extremely happy.. soulbound couple, okay? Bdubs: That's right.

[cut]

Impulse: [unheard] Bdubs: Etho and Joel- you know I, um… I want Etho. [laughs]

[cut]

Etho: I don't know what the situation here calls for.. Bdubs: Well the situation calls for team up because… [laughs] If you decide not to team up I'm just gonna pull the trigger and it's over…

[cut]

Bdubs: Today you join me! Yes, you will! You will. B- And- and- and- we can do this right now. Where you could- you could jump off the wall twi- very simple. You could collect- you put all your inventory- you could jump off the walls twice! Die twice, be red- we're together. Etho: Nope. Nope, nope- you have lost your mind Bdubs.

[cut]

Bdubs: Okay, Etho- I'm sorry- I- I just- I donno what- Etho: [laughing] No I understand! It's funny, its really funny- Bdubs: He was right there! I- it's just a spawn right there! Etho: Ohh, but still… Bdubs: Yeah. Etho: He's our team mate! The- Bdubs: I know! But sti- I mean its fodder- he'd happily do it for me. Etho: [laughing] Bdubs: Come get your stuff Tango! Etho: [laughs] Oh, man I'm dead…

[cut]

Bdubs: How are you? Etho: Quite good. Etho: Better than Genny. Bdubs: Huh, yeah- better than Genny, yeah. Bdubs: You actually did me a little bit of a favor, I was talking on the side- and.. I was not comfortable with him… to be honest with you. Etho: I don't blame you.

[cut]

Etho: Yeah, I just didn't see it coming. I thought I knew where my alliances stood with everybody but… That- that BdoubleO I tell ya, he is one.. sneaky son of a sweetheart. Cuz I… I had my trust in the wrong places I tell ya.

[cut]

Bdubs: Etho is… he- he can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Cleo: Yes. Bdubs: Depending on his mood.

[cut]

Grian: Etho tell me you didn't know! Etho: I didn't! Honestly. Grian: T-tell me you didn't know! Etho: He- He's got a poker face, this guy. Bdubs: Come on baby! I didn't tell him.

[cut]

Bdubs: Uh, Impulse- Im- Etho: [overlapping] Dude, don't tell me these things! I mean, tell me these things but- Bdubs: I- I'm telling you cuz you're my friend! Etho: Hm.. Bdubs: I- but. In the sake of honor I can't say anything else. Etho: Okay. Impulse: Never make promises. Etho: I appreciate- I appreciate that much. Bdubs: Yes, yes. And know.. that, uh… we got a mid-century modern house, and it's coming along nicely- Impulse: Yep. Bdubs: With plenty of room- Etho: Oh really? Bdubs: Yeah- plenty of room.- For- for visitors. Etho: Can I see it? Bdubs: Yes-

[cut]

Bdubs: Nope, nope- Etho: They're not happy with their partners so then they try to make everyone else less happy to compensate. Impulse: [overlapping] He's, he's good… He's good, he's good.

[cut]

[unheard chatter] Etho: Bdubs was telling me the truth about you Impulse. Bdubs: Yes. Impulse: Yeah, yea- Are you jealous of our.. strong power.. duo? Etho: [overalapping] Quite clearly there's uh- uh, a dominant in this one and uh- uh.. a support- Joel: Yeah it sounds like- Impulse: Joel did you hear that? Etho's basically said he'd rather be with[?] with Bdubs.. Joel: Yeah…

[cut]

Joel: We- we are equal in our love. Etho: We are equal.

[cut]

Bdubs: He loves me. Grian: If he loved you why didn't he give you his life? Tango: U-huh. [overlapping] Say hello to him, see what happens. Bdubs: He- he cares. Grian: Uh-huh… You- you're the only- Bdubs: He does. Grian: You- You're the only one left in BEST in my- in, in my- what I see…

[cut]

Etho: And yeah, unfortunately- Didn't win it for Bdubs uh.. He didn't win it for me, either. [laughs] Just kidding Bdubs, I love you.