#um sorry I’m gonna get too fan girlie. have a good day

[lilybug-02]

The actual reason they ditched Chara.

Fan-art because I can draw. And I um.. kinda really love @akanemnon‘s comic…

Kind of a minicomic below…

Please forgive me. I’ve had this in my head forever and just wanted to share my AU meeting yours. That is my Final message. Goodbye. 🫡 jumping in this hole now 🕳️🚶‍♀️

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Begins

Part 22

Chapter Summary: Jared and his little sister finally find their middle ground, just in time for her to head back home to Austin. 

Warnings: Language, angst

Word Count: 1.9K+

Author’s Note: It’s looking like I’ve finally nailed down the number of parts for this bad boy. It’s looking like we will have 25 parts. That means this is almost done. I can’t believe that the finish line is finally in view. Thanks to everyone who has been on this wild ride with me. I appreciate you more than you know. xo Alex. 

Catch up with the series masterlist and check out Alexandra’s Library for more works by yours truly. 

The soft yet persistent pounding in her head pulled Y/n back into consciousness. It took a moment for her to get her bearings, but she was quick to realise that she was in fact in her bed in Jared’s apartment. She couldn’t believe how stupid she had been last night, jetting off on her own and drinking her own weight in alcohol. Hell, she couldn’t even tell you how she had gotten home last night. She was still in the jeans and blouse she had left in, though her shoes were gone, and someone had tucked her under the blankets. 

With a groan, she pulled away the warm comforter and sat up. There was a bottle of aspirin on her bedside table, along with a sports drink. Greedily, she dumped more pills than necessary into her palm and chugged as much of the drink as her stomach could handle. Once she was sure it wouldn’t all come back up, she stood from her bed and stripped herself of the clothing that smelled as though she had doused herself in whiskey, which wasn’t entirely inaccurate, before hopping into a scalding hot shower. 

Y/n let the heat of the water burn away the night before, taking with it everything that had happened in the past few months and sending it down the drain. This would be where she starts over. Last night she drank and cried away the pain. Now, she took the next step forward, to new beginnings, to success she could only ever dream of. She was growing from this if it was the last thing she did. 

When the water finally ran cold, she pulled herself from the shower, and wrapped her hair atop her head in a towel. Once she was dressed, she figured there was no more time she could waste. She had to face her brother. 

Jared was sitting on the couch as she entered the living room. His legs were crossed and he had one arm slung over the back of the couch. He sat up straight when he saw her, his hands finding the remote to shut off the television in haste. 

Y/n fidgeted with the hem of her shirt before finally just biting the bullet. “How did I get home last night?” She asked, her voice low. 

“Jensen got a call from the bartender and since he was closer, he picked you up and brought you home.” Jared folded his hands in front of him as he leaned his elbows on his knees. 

“Oh,”

“Yeah.” Jared nodded, not looking at his sister. 

“So, um, I only have one week left until I head home.” Y/n folded the corner of her lips under her teeth as she tried to find the right words. “I’ve found an Airbnb that I’m gonna stay in until it’s time to go home.” 

Jared’s head shot up at her confession, hurt crossing his features. “You don’t have to do that, you are always welcome to stay here.” 

“I just… I need some space to breathe, time to think. So much has happened in such a short amount of time and everything is just so frazzled in my brain right now. I need to start over.” Y/n tried to explain to her brother why her moving out of his apartment was the best thing for her. 

“Are you saying you can’t be near me right now?” 

“I’m saying I can’t be near anybody right now. I’ve got to collect my thoughts and try to figure out how to pick up the broken pieces of my life.” Her voice rose and she had to take a breath to collect herself. Getting angry would serve no one.

“Okay,” Jared relented. “You know I never meant to hurt you, right? I was just trying to protect you.”

“I know. I just don’t understand why you thought you needed to protect me from Jensen.” Y/n pushed herself away from where she was leaning against the wall and moved to sit across from Jared on the coffee table. 

“Well, he did hurt you, didn’t he?” Jared was serious, and his expression fanned that fire in her belly. She wanted to yell then, to tell Jared that it was his fault that Jensen hurt her, that if he just could have been happy for them, none of this would have happened. But she didn’t. It wouldn’t solve anything. Her brother and her were finally talking and she could tell they both wanted to patch things up. They both were beginning to recognize their mistakes in all of this. After all, that’s what Jensen wanted for her in the first place, to give her her brother back. There was no way she was going to let this hole in her chest or the numbness in her mind be for nothing. It was the last thing she would do for the man she loved. 

“Yeah, I guess he did.”

“I love you, smalls. I am sorry.” Jared pulled her into a crushing hug, his arms comfortingly tight around her torso. Y/n nuzzled her face into his shoulder as she tried to hide the quiver in her voice. 

“Me too, Jare.”

****

If she thought things on set were awkward before, it had nothing on her last week. At least before, she had someone else to lean on in the beginning. This time, she was on her own. The three of them were standing in their own corners of the ring. Sure, she and Jared had made up, for the most part, but it was going to take some time for things to go back to normal. Forgiveness isn’t a light switch that you can just flip on and off, it takes real work. Right now, she was just thankful that they had the chance to start. 

Nothing could have prepared her for the pain of staring Jensen in the face everyday and acting like everything was fine. It was far from it. Not to mention, the memories from that night he brought her home are still pretty fuzzy, and not knowing the full story was embarrassing enough in of itself without the added tension. 

On her last day, the crew had baked her favorite pie to bid her goodbye. There was a small celebration at lunch, and everyone was there. Everyone but Jensen. She wasn’t sure why she expected him to be there. Maybe a part of her was hoping that he would just be there to keep up the facade. After all, people were suspicious of his absence. Jared and his sister blew it off, giving the others a lame excuse. Neither of them even bothered to care if anyone believed it. Frankly, at this point it didn’t matter either way. She was too tired to hold up any more pretenses. She was too tired to pretend like everything was okay when it wasn’t.

****

Y/n stopped as she stepped off her plane, allowing the Texas sun to bathe her in a warmth she so desperately had missed. Normally this time of year, she would be in warmer clothes, but after Vancouver, there was nothing more that she wanted to feel than the Texas sun on her skin. Hell, she just wanted to feel in general. This was her chance to truly start over, to dedicate her life to something again. Starting with her company. 

Y/n didn’t even bother wasting anytime, ordering her Uber to take her to the office. The work day was nearly over, but there was something pulling her back there. She couldn’t explain it, whether it was the work, or the people, or maybe just something familiar. It didn’t matter to her though, Et Cetera was her safe place. 

“Y/n!” Abby jumped from her seat behind her desk as Y/n pushed open the doors to the offices. Y/n let go of her bags and opened her arm to hug the woman. “You are never allowed to leave again.” 

“That won’t be a problem, girly.” Y/n squeezed her tight before letting her go. She wiped away a tear she hadn’t realised escaped her before composing herself. “Tell me, how is everybody?” 

“Everybody is great, honestly. Things are not the same without you around. We’ve truly missed seeing your face everyday.” 

“Good, that’s good.” The smile that graced her lips was weak. She felt guilty now, being back in her office. After putting her everything into this business, she couldn’t even remember why she had taken Jared’s offer in the first place. Maybe she would feel different if things hadn’t fallen apart, but she would never know. All that she could do was try her best to make it up to her coworkers. “I have some emails I need to respond to and a few other things to catch up on before Monday. You guys have a good weekend and I’ll catch up with you on Monday.”

“Sure, yeah.” Abby nodded her understanding. The women parted with one more hug, both heading to do their respective work.

Y/n smiled to herself, once again finding her office just as she left it, thriving plants and all. This time the sentiment tugged a little stronger on her heart. She had thought that stepping off that plane was grounding for her, but it was nothing compared to sitting behind her desk again. The sense of pride and accomplishment that came with knowing that this little business was something she created and nurtured into a nationally recognized company was incomprehensible. 

It was also for this reason that what she did came easily to her. Even the business aspect, from the beginning was something that she never exactly struggled with. But she guessed when you have a passion for something, everything else just tends to fall into place. She had many blessings to count in her thirty odd years on earth, and this was just one more to add to the list. 

It didn’t take her long to do what she had needed, but long enough for the rest of the office to clear out. Abby had informed her as the rest of them had walked out. That had been about half an hour ago. It was time she left for the evening as well. What wasn’t done could wait for the weekend. 

She locked down her computer and grabbed some papers to take with her after she ordered an Uber to take her home. Flipping switches as she walked back out into the lobby, she froze as her office door swung shut behind her. The main door to the offices was sitting ajar, light from foyer that led to the elevator flooding into the now dark lobby. 

Y/n had been sure she had heard the door close as they left, but now was questioning that memory. She was quick to shake off the uneasiness in her stomach, remembering that sometimes the door doesn’t latch properly and that was one of the reasons that they tended to just keep it propped open during the day. Whoever went out last must not have actually pulled it tight. It was an honest mistake and she figured she would just send out a reminder email to check it behind you when you leave at night. 

With one last glance around the lobby, Y/n set the alarm and headed off to return to her home, a new glint of hope for the future in her eyes.

Part 23

Forevers: @spn-impala​​ @22sarah08​​ @turtlepad​​ @callmekda​​ @chaldei​​ @hobby27​​ @cowboysnwinchesters​​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @pikabootoyouchu​​ @dawnie1988​​ @grease222​​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @polina-93​​ @clarinette07​​ @moonlight-babeh​​ @suckerforfanfic​​ @witandnargles​​ @sleepylunarwolf​ @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @geeksareunique​ @akshi8278​ @superfanficnatural​ @malfoysqueen14​ @deanwanddamons​

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl​ @hillface89​ @arses21434​ @thevelvetseries​ @sslater34​ @mrsirishboru​ @smoothdogsgirl @spnfamily-j2​ @encounterthepast​ @facadeformyrealblog  @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @squirrelnotsam​ @heartinmyhead1​ @1d-killed-me​ @samsgirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @woodworthti666​ @supraveng​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @heartsaved​ @know2grow​ @littlewhiterose​ @surprisinglysarah​ @stoneyggirl​ @carryon-doctor-lock​ @thebookisbtr​ @youaremyfiveever​ @kalesrebellion​ @lilulo-12​ @winchester-fantasies​ @vicmc624​ @supernatural3002​ @winchester-writes​ @maralisa124​ @therollingstoners​ @parinarain​

[glazslippers]

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

Pairing: Stanley Uris x OC (female) Warnings: cursing

Summary: Quinn had spent her whole life protecting other women from the dangers of men. When she met Stanley, she thought he was just like every other boy she had come across, sex craved and egotistical. Although one of those was correct, that didn’t stop the feelings she felt towards him form.

A/N: this is my first fanfic i’ve posted on here and i honestly feel like a mom on snapchat. if you like it please let me know and i might continue writing things like these in the future! (i’m really sorry if this sucks)

Even though Quinn Macey had moved to Derry less than three months ago, that didn't stop her from making tons of friends. They loved her outgoing and sarcastic personality and the fact that she didn't take shit from anyone. She wouldn't constantly stick up for them at school and in town if there was a guy trying desperately to get into their pants. She was often nicknamed spitfire or hot head or a string of other names, drawing inspiration from her short temper and red hair.

It was no secret that in the three short months she'd lived in Derry, she gained a string of female friends partly because she refused to talk to any of the boys at school or on town. It was her own personal grudge that she held against every living male. They didn't cause anything but trouble in her opinion and the only thing on their mind was sex.

Because of her refusal of boys, many of them and even a few girls had coined her as lesbian, not that she minded. She dressed girly enough, but when she wanted to she could get down and dirty, playing a variety of sports. In her old town, she played on a softball team that won a few state-wide games. She had also dabbled in football and soccer. Though soccer wasn't her favorite, she played it anyway.

When she moved to Derry, she had to quit her team and say goodbye to her friends, which she probably won't hear of again. Starting at the end of the school year might have been hard for anyone else opposite of Quinn. She decided to start out nice, warming up to everyone but when a few guys tried hitting on her, she quickly put her in their place and made it clear she wasn't interested. They had bugged her over and over. If it was just some one time thing she might have looked passed it but since they kept on pestering her, she had to take matters into her own hands.

The last day of school was nearing an end and Quinn found herself eyeing the clock. Her reasoning behind staring at the gadget was nothing more than "maybe if I stare hard enough it'll tick faster." It obviously didn't get the memo, and continued ticking at its agonizingly slow pace.

Maybe it was the sun shining from outside through the classroom window onto her skin, or the fact that she couldn't wait to get out of the retched classroom and was bouncing her leg up and down so much that she had broken out into a small sweat but one thing was certain: today had to be the hottest day of the year.

Quinn thought of the regret she had for wearing jeans and had her hair down while she fanned herself off with her right hand. She had already tied her shirt up as high as the school would allow but it didn't help because of the broken AC system in the class she was in. She looked outside, seeing the seniors leave school early, being dismissed by the teachers because they were upperclassmen and did the calculations in her head. If the seniors already walked out, they must have been released by the teachers, like everyday, five minutes before school let out. Quinn started counting down from 300 in her head.

297, 296, 295.

She couldn't focus on whatever the teacher was saying. The small heat stroke she was having didn't help with focusing either.

230, 229, 228.

She leaned her head back, fanning her neck and wrists. Her once ice filled water bottle became a lake of boiling lava in her metal cup.

134, 133, 132.

Quinn wondered if she had gotten to the halfway mark or already passed it while she was counting. She didn't think she could take one more minute of being without air. Black spots clouded her vision and she lied her head against the window.

97, 96, 95.

She was getting so close. Less than a hundred seconds to go until she could escape the body heat filled room and into the hot summer air. At least she would feel something other than hot.

Quinn was two seconds away from ripping her shirt off and using it as a noose when the bell rang. She sprung up as fast as she could and bolted out of the door. One of her friends, Savannah, walked by her and Quinn grabbed her arm.

"I'm dying," she said in between pants.

Savannah raised an eyebrow at the dramatic girl in front of her. "You good?"

"Do I look good?" Quinn retorted. "I am the definition of lava. If you look it up in the dictionary you'll see a picture of me melting."

"I take it you're hot?"

"How are you not? It's literally two hundred degrees out!"

Savannah rolled her eyes and closed her locker. Ah head just cleaned everything out and placed it all into her book bag. With an amused smile, she looked down at Quinn who had her head against the tall blue lockers. "Wanna go swimming?"

The words sparked energy into Quinn's body. Suddenly, she didn't realize that she had drops of sweat rolling down her face or the bottom of her hair had stuck to her neck. All she cared about was the cool release of hitting the cool body of water and cooling off.

At the mention of swimming, Savannah watched Quinn's eyes widen and laughed. "I'm guessing that's a yes?"

"That's a hell yes!"

Quinn and Savannah hopped out of Savannah's car and Quinn had never undressed herself so fast in her entire life. She stripped down to her underwear and immediately ran and jumped off the cliff that towered over the river. Savannah looked over the edge, worried when her friend didn't pop back up but let out a sigh of relief when Quinn's head poked its familiar red hair out of the water.

"Come in it feels so nice!" She yelled up at the brunette looking over the rocks.

"I don't know, Q. It's pretty high up."

"Just jump! It'll be over in an instant!"

Savannah shook her head and backed away from the edge. "I can't do it."

Quinn rolled her eyes and swam to land. She crawled out of the water and hiked back up to where Savannah was standing. Her wet body weighed her down but the second she rang her hair out it felt as if she lost five pounds.

"Here," Quinn grabbed Savannah's hand. "I'll jump with you."

"Quinn," the brunette whined.

"Don't whine, you baby. It's just a few feet."

"A few feet?" Savannah yelled with wide eyes. "Girl, that is at least three hundred feet."

"Maybe, but once you jump you'll realize it's not that high at all."

"Yeah, but I'm not jumping."

Quinn groaned. "Sav, I'm gonna day this in the nicest way possible: stop being such a pussy and jump."

Savannah frowned. "That was you being nice?"

Quinn shrugged and cornered Savannah where she was back to the edge. "You're either gonna hump or I'm gonna push you. You're choice."

"Quinn," Savannah warned. "You better back up." The ginger smirked and an evil glint shone across her eyes.

If it weren't for a group of teenage boys pulling up on their bikes behind them, Savannah would've been done for. The girls' head snapped around to see who had joined them. There were four boys, obviously outnumbering them and probably had the same idea they had after school let out. They threw their bikes to the ground and some removed their shoes while the other removed their shirts, obviously not noticing the two girls half naked in front of them.

Stanley turned his head to the direction of the cliff, sprinting over to it but stopped when he saw the girls. "Um, what're you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Quinn said with a little more attitude than she meant.

"Well, obviously we're gonna swim. So, why don't you too head home and play with some Barbies or whatever."

Quinn scoffed and Savannah sighed, knowing what her friend would do in this situated. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Stanley rolled his eyes. "Get lost."

"I'm sorry, who was here first?"

By now, the rest of the boys came over to their friend, backing him up against the girls or one girl in particular. "We come here every summer so it's our hangout," Richie said.

"Oh, sorry. Well just be on our way then."

Stanley crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows when she didn't move.

"What, you thought I was serious?" Quinn bitterly laugh. "I knew boys were dumb, but I didn't think they were that dumb."

"W-We're not d-dumb!" Bill replied.

"Well?" Stanley said.

"Well what?"

"Leave already!"

Quinn put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. "No. We were clearly here first. Doesn't matter if you guys come here every summer or not."

"You must be new around here cause this is our space," Richie spike.

"And so what if I am? I don't see your name on this cliff."

Stanley glared at the girl in front of him. "Who do you think you are?"

"Quinn Macey." She smiled almost taunting him to keep bugging her, which he gladly did.

"Well, Quinn Macey, why don't you and your friend head home before you get yourself jumping off this cliff."

Quinn grabbed Savannah's hand protectively. "Her name is Savannah and I've already jumped it. But you pretty boys are probably too chicken to jump aren't you?"

Stanley scoffed and walked forward, making the friends behind him walk forward too. "You think we can't jump it?"

"Nah I don't think that's it. Maybe it's the fact that you're just threatened by two girls who rightfully deserve to stay at your precious little river."

Stanley laughed. "You think we're threatened by you? A spoiled brat that can't stand not getting what she wants?"

"You little-" Before Quinn could get close to Stanley, Savannah held her back by her arms. Quinn obviously struggled against Savannah's grip but the brunette wasn't looking for a fight, she just wanted to swim.

"Stan, maybe we could just share it," Eddie whispered to the curly headed boy in front of him. He also wasn't looking for a fight and wanted to remain peaceful, knowing Stan was too stubborn to give up and Quinn probably was the same.

"Share? Ed, have you gone crazy? Why would we share the river with some random girls?"

"Well, I don't really wanna fight over it and it seems like the best option. We both get what we want," Eddie shrugged.

"I-I'm fine w-with sharing," said Bill.

"Not you too," Stan sighed and looked at Richie. "Rich, tell them sharing's not an option."

Richie looked away from Stanley, kickoff the dirt underneath him. "I mean, all I want to do is swim. I guess it wouldn't matter if there are chicks in the water or not."

Stanley groaned. "Fine."

"So you guys are leaving?" Quinn asked, crossing her arms.

"No, we're gonna share," Eddie explained. "That way we both can swim."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "No way. There's no way-"

Savannah cut Quinn off. "We'll take it!" At the ginger's gaze she shrugged. "What? I want to swim."

"Good." With that the boys finished taking off their clothes, leaving them in only underwear.

"So, are we swimming with strangers or..." Savannah trailed off.

"That's Bill, Eddie, and Stanley," Richie introduced, "and I'm Richie."

"Savannah and Quinn," the brunette formally introduced.

Stanley and Quinn kept glaring at each other during the introductions as if the first person to look away would lose their little mind game between just the two of them. During this time, Eddie, Bill, and Richie had already jumped from the cliff. Quinn obviously had no intention of moving her gaze until Savannah grabbed her arm. She cursed herself when her head turned to meet Savannah's gaze. Stanley held a satisfying smirk on his face because he had won their staring contest.

"Q, I'm just gonna take the long way down."

Quinn frowned. "No jumping?"

"You know I'm terrified of heights."

"Fine. I'll be down in a minute."

Savannah walked away leaving Quinn alone with Stanley. Stan walked up next to her and got into position for a running start. Quinn followed his actions, giving him a challenging smirk. Stanley narrowed his eyes and shifted his gaze ahead. They took off at the same time, another wordless challenge adapted to see who could jump the farthest.

Quinn thought for sure she jumped farthest and swam back up to the surface with a satisfying smile on her face. That was until she saw Stanley pop his head up and flip the hair out of his eyes. He was just a few feet in front of her and a frown formed on her face when she saw the teasing glint in his eyes as if he was dying to annoy her by saying he had gotten farther than her.

With a huff, Quinn swam over to where Savannah had gotten in at and began chatting with her, occasionally swimming further out to get away from the boys.

Stan tried his best hiding the looks he gave Quinn from afar but the boys had caught on since he wasn't that good at hiding. Richie splashed Stan's face to stop him from staring.

Stanley wiped his face and glared at Richie. "What was that for?"

Richie smirked. "You were staring."

"Was not."

"We're to."

Eddie joined in. "It was kind of obvious that you were staring, Stan."

"Stan l-likes Q-Quinn," Bill teased.

Stanley splashed Bill in the face to shut him up. "No I don't. I'm just annoyed that they're here."

"I'm not," said Eddie. He turned to the girls that were a little further out than they were. "Hey, guys!"

Their heads turned to the voice shouting at them. Stan's eyes went wide as he hit Eddie in the arm. "What are you doing?" He whispered.

Eddie shrugged. "Inviting them over for a game." He turned to the girls that started swimming over, led by Savannah. "Wanna chicken fight?"

"How do you play?" Savannah asked. The boys stood on the shallower end so when the girls came up, the water was up to their chests. Quinn stood behind Savannah with her arms crossed, not particularly wanting to be around Stanley.

"One person gets on another person's shoulders and fights the other team. The first first to knock the other off, wins," Eddie explained.

"Okay, who's gonna get on who?" Quinn questioned.

"We'll switch it up so it doesn't really matter right now."

"Okay, Savannah. Hop on." Quinn went under water and let Savannah climb on top of her shoulders. When she was on, Quinn went back above water and grabbed onto Savannah's thighs so that she wouldn't go anywhere.

"How the hell did you-" Richie started but was interrupted by Quinn.

"Sav's a twig. She weighs, like, two pounds."

Richie got on Bill's shoulders while Eddie and Stanley watched. Richie and Savannah grasped hands and started fighting. Bill and Quinn navigated to help better their team's chances at winning by moving from side to side or forwards and backwards. It was a tough fight, but eventually Richie was the victor. Richie yelled how proud he was and Bill shook him off his shoulders.

"Who's next bitches?" Richie asked, ready for another round.

"I wanna go," Quinn announced. Savannah seemed to have a lot of fun and it would be extremely satisfying to knock one of the boys off. "Sav?"

Savannah's eyes widened. "Um, no offense, but I'm not as strong as you."

Quinn playfully glared at her. "Are you calling me fat?"

"Don't worry, Quinn. Stan's pretty strong, he'll be able to hold you," Richie winked.

"I'm not fat!"

"Alright, Eddie get your ass over here so I can get on your shoulders. Quinn you get on Stan's shoulders," Richie instructed. Stan and Quinn's eyes widened at the boy's words.

"No way!" They yelled in unison.

"Everyone else has gone. Stop being losers so we can play the game."

"Fine," Stanley huffed and went under water so Quinn would have an easier time of getting on. After a few seconds, he still didn't feel her weight on his shoulders and popped back up. "You just gonna let me drown?"

"That was the plan," Quinn admitted with a smirk on her face.

"Will you just get on, brat?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist." Stanley dipped back under water and Quinn crossword over his shoulders. He came back up and placed his hands a little too high up for Quinn's comfort. She smacked them away but the second she started falling back tugged on Stan's hair. His neck got hot and the tips of his ears went red. "Got a thing for hair pulling, pretty boy?"

"I won't hesitate to let go," Stanley warned.

The truth of the matter was that Stanley was beet red. Only Eddie and Richie could see him like this and to anyone else they would've thought that Stan was just having a tough time keeping Quinn up. Except that was the opposite of what was happening. Stanley was quite strong as he used the muscles in his legs to hoist them up out of the water.

It just so happened that the mix of hair pulling (one of his turn ons), the fact that her stomach was up against his head, and the his touch on her thighs made him blush all over. Oh, and also because her crotch was sitting on the back of his neck.

Quinn and Richie joined hands and the boy knew that if Stanley was in his place he would've had a field day at what he was witnessing. Because Quinn was bent over and her arms had squeezed to the sides of her breasts to meet Richie's arms, her boobs had smushed together. Richie didn't dare look but he could still see them from where he looked on her face.

They fought back and forth, Quinn pushing at Richie and the other way around. She would occasionally grab onto Stan's head to regain her balance and when she did, Stanley backed up so that Richie wouldn't take the opportunity to knock her off. After a few minutes of struggling on both ends, Quinn eventually pushed Richie off Eddie's shoulders.

The boy went down with a loud yell and defeated, emerged from the water with a frown. "I really just got beat by a girl."

Quinn had a proud smile on her face. "Don't take it personal, I'm just stronger than you." She patted Stanley's head. "You can let me down now."

Stanley went under water and released his grip on Quinn's thighs. Once he didn't feel her on him anymore, he returned to the surface, almost bumping into her. Neither said anything, but both had a small blush on their cheeks as they swam to their separate groups.

Savannah didn't miss the pink tint on Quinn's cheeks and shared a knowing look with Eddie. She and Eddie walked onto land that was about two yards away to get away from the others.

"So, are they in love or are they in love?" Savannah laughed.

"All of the above," Eddie responded with a smile similar to the girl in front of him and looked at Quinn and Stanley who were hiding behind both Richie and Bill.

"And what are we gonna do about it?" Savannah asked, rocking on her feet.

"What do you mean?"

Savannah rolled her eyes. "Well, if we're gonna set them up we gotta have a plan."

"Oh, right. How about we all go to the movies and make them sit next to each other?" His eyes suddenly went wide at the thought he had. "And they can share a bucket of popcorn!"

"Shh," Savannah shushed him. "That's a good idea. But what movie are we gonna see?"

"How about a horror movie?" Eddie suggested.

"That's genius! I know Quinn and she gets scared easily. A scary movie will have her jumping into his arms."

"The theater's doing a rerun of all the eighties scary movies on Saturdays. So tomorrow they'll be playing A Nightmare on Elm Street."

Savannah nodded. "We'll be there."

"Are you gonna be scared?"

Savannah laughed at his question. "Hell no. If there's one thing I have over Quinn it's scary movies. I love them, she hates them."

"Alright, we'll meet you guys there at six, okay? By the time we get out, it'll be dark."

"I'll make an excuse on why I can't take her home and then Stan'll have to walk her." She wiggled her eyebrows.

After a few more hours in the water, it started getting dark out, which meant it was time to leave. Quinn decided against putting on her jeans and instead slipped her shirt over her head and put on her socks and shoes. Her shirt was rather large because it was her mom's so it came down a little above the bottom of her butt, still showing the underwear underneath.

Savannah didn't miss Stanley's stare directed towards Quinn's body and held a big smile on her face. Once in the car, Quinn questioned why Savannah was smiling so large.

"Cause I have a huge crush on Stanley Uris."

Quinn didn't sense the joking tone in her voice and replied with a simple, "Oh."

Savannah snorted at her friend who stared out the window like her soul had just collapsed. "I'm just kidding, he's all yours."

Quinn's head snapped to the driver and scowled. "I do not have a crush on Stanley. Did you not witness what I witnessed today? He was an ass."

"Or maybe, he was having a bad day."

"Or maybe, he's an ass."

Savannah rolled her eyes and continued driving. "Wanna go see a movie tomorrow with the boys?"

"Is-"

Savannah interrupted Quinn's question. "Is Stan gonna be there? Yes."

Quinn glared. "That's not what I was gonna ask. Is someone gonna pay for my ticket? Cause I don't have any money."

"I'll pay for you, sugar baby." Savannah winked.

"Thanks daddy." The girls erupted into laughter.

The next day, Savannah showed up at Quinn's house just before five. Quinn was still getting ready as Savannah walked into her room. She was contemplating whether or not to wear her smaller hoops or go bold and wear larger ones. "Which ones?"

Savannah raised an eyebrow at Quinn's attire. She wore a short blue sundress that had no sleeves and reached just above her mid thigh. It might have been one of the shortest dresses she owned but it definitely wasn't number one. She didn't wear any makeup, like always, but had lip gloss on her lips.

"The small ones," Savannah decided and watched Quinn put them on in the mirror. "Is all this for Stanley?"

"Will you shut up? It's hot outside and I am not making the same mistake as yesterday."

"I'm guessing that's the same for the earrings, lip gloss, and perfume?"

Quinn have her a look. "We're going to the movies with a group of people. Why not get a little dolled up?

They hung out for awhile at Quinn's house until it was time to leave. They both hopped in Savannah's car and drove into town where they would meet the boys at the movie theater. Savannah had yet to tell Quinn what movie they were going to see but she could only assume it wasn't something sappy if the boys were tagging along. Or maybe they were tagging along with the boys. Either way, they were going to see a movie and Quinn hoped it was going to be good.

The boys were already waiting for them as they pulled up and parked. Quinn noticed there was one less male from yesterday and furrowed her eyebrows as they neared the group. "Where's Stanley?"

Eddie and Savannah looked at each other knowingly while Richie responded. "He's inside away from the heat. We've been here for awhile."

"It is pretty hot out," Quinn admitted. "How long have you guys been here?"

"Since four thirty. Eddie forgot what time we needed to be here so we've just camped out waiting for you two," Richie explained.

"Well, lets go in and buy our tickets."

Savannah bought her and Quinn's ticket while the boys bought theirs. When it came to who was getting popcorn, Bill and Richie would share a bucket, so would Savannah and Eddie and Quinn and Stanley.

"Wait, why can't we share a bucket?" Quinn asked Savannah as she took the bucket of buttery popcorn in her hands. Movie theater popcorn was her favorite kind of popcorn. It was popped fresh in front of you and you could determine how much butter you wanted on it.

"Cause I'm not sitting next to you. I'm sitting next to Eddie," Savannah said as they walked into the theater where the movie was playing.

Eddie sat next to Savannah, who was adjacent to Bill and Richie. Quinn found herself sandwiches between Richie and Stanley. A duo she didn't know if she could handle without her open minded friend. Reluctantly, she handed the bucket of popcorn to Stanley. If she wanted some later, she'd grab it herself. When she usually shared, Quinn would set the popcorn on the arm rest but right now she wanted to rest her arm on it.

After what seemed liked a thousand previews of every movie other than the one they were watching, the movie started. The theater went black and the only lights were the emergency ones and the big screen in front of them. Quinn grabbed popcorn and shoved it in her mouth, almost chocking when she saw the title come up on the screen.

THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Quinn watched in horror with wide eyes then turned to her left, looking over Richie and Bill and scowled at Savannah who was happily eating popcorn. Resting her back into the chair, Quinn sank down and mentally groaned.

"What is it?" Stanley whispered.

"I wouldn't have come if I knew we were watching this," Quinn responded. She would rather puke her own guts out than watch anything gruesome or filled with jump scares. Unfortunately for her, it would be a long night full of violence and scares.

Quinn wasn't expecting a sex scene to show up and the moment it did, she immediately became uncomfortable. Thankfully, it passed by quick enough and she was left with more agonizing jump scares. One scene in particular made her grab onto Stanley's hand that was resting on the arm rest.

The movie continued with little touches like that. Sometimes when Quinn stuck her hand inside the bucket of popcorn, Stan's hand would be there too and they would brush up against each other.

Then there were times when Quinn got really scared and hid herself in Stan's shoulder to stop herself from watching the screen. Stanley was more than okay with the times she got scared. He didn't want to seem too forward and comfort her back but he let her continue hiding in his shoulder.

When the movie ended, Quinn bolted out of the theater to finally get air and leaned against the wall, the rest following shortly after.

"S-Scared of a m-movie, Q-Quinn?" Bill teased.

"Not at all. I was just getting a little hot," she lied. The group walked to the front of the theater and Quinn looked out the windows with wide eyes. "Oh, it's dark."

"That a problem?"

"No," Quinn snapped a little too harsh at Richie's taunt. "I think we should head home, Sav."

"About that, mom said I needed to be home at eight and it's already seven fifty-two. Could you walk home?"

"A-Alone? Out there?" Quinn's gaze went from Savannah to the pitch black outside.

"Stan can walk you home," Eddie suggested and nudged his friend. "Right, Stan?"

Stanley's head shot up at the mention of his name. "What?"

"You'll walk Quinn home, right?"

"Uh," Stanley looked at Quinn who seemed nervous about walking home alone. His expression softened. "Yeah, sure."

"Okay, well I had fun guys, but I should go so my mom doesn't rip my head off and feeds it to the dog." Savannah waved goodbye and got in her car and left. Richie, Eddie, and Bill all left together, leaving Stanley and Quinn alone.

"So, did you like the movie?" Stan asked.

"Hell no."

Stanley laughed and Quinn felt her heart beat a little faster when he did. "I take it your not much of a horror fan?"

"I avoid them like the plague." Quinn crossed her arms and continued looking outside, almost as if she was looking for any supernatural creature or serial killer hidden behind street lamps or alleyways.

"Where do you live?"

"The culdesac off Baker Street," Quinn responded. When they started to walk, she noticed her shoe was untied and told him to wait as she bent down and tied it. "Okay, we can-" Quinn gasped and froze when she felt a hand come in contact with her bottom.

Stanley's eyes widened and his head shot to the culprit. It was some teen who didn't go to their school. Luckily, he was Stan's height so when the Jew grabbed hold of the boy's collar and lift him up, he didn't have to move far. While up in the air, Stanley pinched him in the face and threw him on the ground. Some of the people in the same area witnessed it happen and also saw that when the manager came out, Stan grabbed Quinn's hand and ran outside. They didn't stop running until the theater was out of sight.

Quinn was in shock and confusion by what had just happened and who she had froze instead of beat the boy to a pulp then and there. Maybe when you've defended other girls your whole life, it comes as a shock when it actually happens to you. Quinn was extremely lucky to have had Stanley there beside her in her vulnerable moment and snuck a glance in his direction.

His forehead glistened under the lamp's light because of the sweat from running and he stuck his hands into his pant pockets. He looked down and tried to regain his breath. They walked in silence for a few paces until Quinn finally spoke up. "Thank you."

Stanley looked over at her. He wasn't going to push the subject on her so he let her speak first before asking any further questions. "It was nothing. Are you okay?"

Quinn nodded and frowned. "I should've chopped his dick off and made him eat it right there." Stanley raised and eyebrow and Quinn huffed. "All I've done my life is try to protect other girls from men like that but the second it happens to me I freeze? It's pathetic."

"It's not pathetic. It's just different when it comes to protecting yourself. Instead of an offense attack, it's defense. Two different tactics."

"Then I guess I need more practice on defensive strategies."

They walked through the dark with only the light of the street lamps over their heads. From her left, Quinn heard a bush shake quickly and pounced onto Stanley's side, grabbing onto his arm for dear life. He looked down at her and the second she realized there was no danger, she looked at him. It was only for a second before she jumped back to where she was beside him earlier.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"I-It's fine." He looked down at her and bit his lip. "If you weren't just sexually assaulted, I'd ask to kiss you."

Anger rose in Quinn's body until his full sentence registered in her mind and her face softened. "Y-You would?"

"Yeah. You're pretty and confident and when you jump into me it makes me feel more like a man."

Quinn rolled her eyes with a smile. "I guess I wouldn't mind if you asked."

"Really?" Quinn nodded. "So, can I kiss you?" Quinn nodded again and Stanley bent down and placed his lips on top of hers. Even with the limited knowledge about these encounters didn't stop her from kissing back. Her hands made their way up his neck and while one stayed there, the other trailed up into his hair and twirled it around her finger. Stanley placed his hands on her sides and pulled her in closer so that their hips were touching. He was bold enough to run his tongue along her bottom lip, asking for entrance and she was fine with it, letting him in.

Their little kiss had turned into a make-out session in the middle of the sidewalk until a sound from behind Quinn made her break away and dart her head towards it. It was just a bird flying out from the bush but that didn't stop her heart from pounding fifty miles an hour. Stanley's puffy lips turned up into a smile as he grabbed hold of her hand, reassuring her that it was alright.

"Sorry," Quinn apologized and under his gaze, blushed. He was the only one that had ever made her blush and she didn't know how to act.

"It's fine. Come on, we're almost there." They continued to walk, neither one talking about their shared moment just a few steps ago and fell into a silence before Stanley broke it. "You know, as a man, I don't claim him as part of my gender."

Quinn chuckled. "'As a man,' huh?"

Stanley scoffed in shock. "I am eighteen. Legally I am a man. And I look like one, too." He flexed his muscles.

Quinn let her eyes sweep over his body. "Whatever you say, pretty boy."

"Pretty man," Stan corrected with a smile and Quinn just rolled her eyes.

[janaikam]

I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You - Kwami Swap

Whoops didn’t mean to miss yesterday! Time just got away from me!

This is Day 5 of @luxyweek

Part 4

Read on AO3

“Are you done yet?” the green thing asked.

XY had been screaming for maybe 10 minutes at this point, but he didn’t care. There was some floating green thing in his room, and it just talked to him. Omg it just talked. Instead of screaming this time XY started to hyperventilate and pace his room.

This was not happening. He just passed out after a long day. He was dreaming. He had to be.

“Deep breathsss,” the thing instructed, putting its paws on XY’s face.

He could feel the cool touch of the thing’s paw hand thing. The fact that XY could feel it told him that this was most definitely not a dream. In dreams you didn’t feel anything, and he was most definitely feeling things.

“My name is Sass. I am the kwami of intuition,” the thing bowed a little towards XY, which helped him calm down a little.

“Hold up green dude. What’s a mommy?” XY started, looking around the room for any cameras. This could all be some elaborate prank for one of those tv shows.

“Kwamiss are magical creaturess that give holderss magical powerss through their miraculousss. Mine iss the power of intuition,” Sassy explained calmly. “When you transsform I resside in the bracelet there.”

XY glanced down at the now light purple bracelet. “Why does it look girly?”

Sassy’s tail unfurled, and the kwami had an almost surprised look on his face. “Um, the miraculous dissguissess itsself to match the ussser. It looksss that way becausse on ssome unconssciouss level you want it to look like that.”

“I think it messed up. I’m not wearing this. It’s too girly.” XY huffed and held out the bracelet to Sassy. The kwami took it in his little paws, and it transformed into a blue-green bracelet with a snakehead in the middle.

“Woah, now that looks cool! I’d totally wear it if it looked like that.” XY took the bracelet out of Sassy’s paws, but the jewelry immediately turned back to its plain light purple color.

He frowned. “Why won’t it stay the same?”

“It’ss dissguissed that way sso people won’t recognize the sssnake miraculouss when itss holder iss detranssformed.”

“Well, I don’t want it then. You can hold on to it.” XY tossed it back to Sassy who scrambled to catch the piece of jewelry.

“In that casse, if you could just return me to Ladybug I’m ssure-”

“Did you say Ladybug?” XY interrupted. “Wait do you turn people into heroes?”

“Yesss...Oh my, I fear a misstake hass been made. I mussst immediately be returned to Ladybug.”

XY considered what the Salami said. If he could turn people into heroes, then he could turn XY into a hero. That would be so cool. He could help Ladybug defeat akumas and replace Chat Noir entirely. Album sales would go up once people realized he was an amazing hero. Even Luka would fall for him. He could see it now.

“How do I transform?” XY could barely contain his excitement as he bounced in front of the Safari.

“I’m not ssure that’ss besst. Bessidess, I’m famished. My last holder wass unable to feed me. So even if I told you how to trassform, it would not work.” Sassy’s floating took on a nervous nature, but XY ignored it.

There was something interesting about what Sassy said. But he couldn’t put his finger on it.

“If I gave you something to eat, would you tell me how to transform?” XY asked. He needed to get on this Kalamari’s good side otherwise he would never become the hero Paris needed.

“I ssuposse sso,” Sassy responded.

“Ballin’.”

--------

The fried chicken he ordered from room service was perfect for Sassy. When it arrived, he dived into the food, eating as much as he could.

In between bites of food, Sassy explained how his powers worked when XY was transformed. He informed XY that the bracelet would allow him to become a hero, and XY was debating putting on the girly looking bracelet.

He couldn’t help but wonder what else it could look like when he remembered how it looked when he first picked it up. It was a grey color, which didn’t make a whole lot of sense to him.

“Hey, this was silver before, why is it this girly purple color now?”

Sassy’s expression turned to one of fear at XY’s question.

“Different holderss have different lookss. The miraculouss musst’ve noticed that you did not intend to wield the ssnake, so it would have stayed like my previouss holderss until you intended to activate it.” Sassy looked concerned at XY’s face. If XY had to guess, Sassy was worried about how he would react knowing someone else had a cooler bracelet looking color.

“That doesn’t make sense because that Luka guy had this before, and it didn’t change for him.” XY waited for Sassy’s explanation, but when it didn’t come XY realized what it meant. “Wait a second. Luka was your previous holder, wasn’t he?”

Sassy nodded reluctantly in confirmation.

“Oh, this is too good. You gotta tell me how to transform now.”

------

XY wasn’t the biggest fan of his superhero look. For one, his suit had no capes. How were people supposed to know he was a hero if he didn’t have a cape? Plus the suit was dark green with no obvious symbol identifying who he was. Plus he had this weird green mini piano thing. He wasn’t sure the point of it, but it fit snugly at his waist.

Once he transformed, XY started running across the roofs of Paris to get used to the new powers that Sassy had given him. It was a really cool feeling and one he kind of hoped he would never get used to.

XY was headed straight towards the pirate ship that Luka lived on so he could show off his new look. He was certain that Luka would be amazed.

Landing on the deck of the boat was a tad bit difficult. There was a bunch of trash lying around, so when XY tried to land he ended up slipping on a ball and crashing into a drum set. The cymbals on the drum created a loud sound that was sure to have woken anyone right up.

Sure enough someone had woken up and was making their way up to the top of the ship.

XY scrambled to pull himself up into a hero pose, and he just managed to do it as Luka’s flashlight shone on him.

“I am Cash Money! The new protector of Paris!”

The light got brighter as it moved closer to XY, and he had to squint so the light didn’t blind him.

“XY!?” Luka exclaimed. “How? Why!? You need to detransform right now!”

XY pouted. “Aw, how did you know it was me?”

“For one, your name kinda gave it away, plus I’m pretty sure you stole my miraculous the other day.” Luka turned off the flashlight moving closer to XY. “At least you’re not Hawkmoth.”

“Hawkmoth is totally not cash money. I could never be him. I’m cash money 24/7,” XY proudly stated.

He paused for a second, wanting to detransform but realizing he had no idea how to.

“Uh, how do you detransform?” XY blushed, embarrassed that he needed to ask Luka for help.

“Say ‘Sass, scales rest’,” Luka instructed.

“Sassy, scales rest.” A bright flash of green flew over him, and XY was back in his normal everyday clothes.

“Now can I have my miraculous back?” Luka held out his hand patiently.

“Not so fast. I know your secret, so I need some kind of compensation for this.” XY took a step closer to Luka, but he hadn’t realized he was on some kind of stage so he fell forward.

“Woah!” Luka exclaimed, catching XY before he could hit the ground.

It was at that moment that the lights around the ship turned on, so XY could properly see Luka.

“Um. We’re home?” a soft voice questioned. XY looked past Luka to see the girl from the other day and another older woman.

Luka quickly let go of XY and turned towards the two women. XY glared at Luka. If XY had been anymore distracted he would’ve fallen flat on his face. It would’ve been a disaster for his public image.

“Oh, Luka, I didn’t know you were having a friend over! We’ll just get out of your hair, so you two can just carry on,” the colorful older woman said. She pushed the girl, Tools?, towards the bottom of the ship. “You boys have fun!”

XY wasn’t sure if it was just the lighting, but it almost looked like she winked towards them before disappearing under the ship.

Luka turned back towards XY a light blush on his face. “Sorry about that.” Luka coughed. “So, uh, what did you want?”

“What?” XY blinked in confusion. What would he want?

The weird encounter with who he assumed to be Luka’s mother had completely shut down his brain. Did she think they were a couple or something like that?

“To keep my secret,” Luka continued, waving his hand to his wrist.

“Your secret...right...uh what was that again?”

“Yeah, nice try. Just give me back my bracelet.” Luka reached out towards XY’s wrist, but the musician reacted faster, raising his hand above his head.

XY grinned. It was gonna be almost impossible for Luka to grab the bracelet since XY was a few inches taller than him.

Luka tried jumping up to grab ahold of the bracelet, but XY kept his arm further away so Luka couldn’t reach it.

“Ah, ah, ah.” XY wagged his finger in front of Luka. “In order to get this bracelet, I’m gonna need a kiss.”

“A kiss?” Luka stopped his attempts and stared at XY. “That is the last thing I expected to come out of your mouth.”

“A kiss on the cheek and you can have your little bracelet back.” XY patted his cheek and turned it towards Luka.

He couldn’t see Luka’s face but based on the sigh of reluctance he heard, XY knew he was gonna do it. After a couple of moments without feeling anything, XY turned to ask Luka what was taking so long, only to have his lips meet with Luka’s.

[helluvalatte]

a screenplay i wrote for drama class

!! DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION !!

this was very fun for me to do, i pray i get a good grade on this

---

Honeyed Incense - A Romance by @helluvalatte

Characters

Saffron White - A reserved and rather standoffish girl who gets flustered easily. People don’t know much about her due to her quiet personality and sarcastic demeanor, but she can be a ball of sunshine, radiant and joyful, if you get to know her. She serves as the voice of reason for her best friend, Karma, but definitely quite impulsive in some situations.

Victoria “Tori” Murphy - A nonchalant and chill girl with a hobby for drawing anybody interesting she sees, mostly the people in her class. Doesn’t seem too noticeable, but isn’t plain in the slightest and is one of the first people who is known to be bisexual by most of the school. Never really reacts much to situations and doesn’t talk to a lot of people.

Karma King - A laid-back and funny person with a knack for teasing their friends and making people all around them laugh. Loves their boyfriend Indigo and their best friend Saffron to death and is incredibly overprotective of both of them, as well as helping them with social advice. Always playing pranks on people, and is very rarely the voice of reason.

[Scene I, a homeroom class, with Saffron at the door, scanning the class while taking a deep breath and appearing as though she’s looking for an empty seat despite only a few people being present.]

SAFFRON, THINKING: Ah yes, my very last year of sitting in a class that reeks of souls slowly withering. I can identify each of them now. (She glances to individual seats, remembering the types of people that have sat at those exact spots for the past three years.) There’s the future gas station attendants, the two-faced rich kids, the emotionally stunted loners, the anime-obsessed dorks...and then there’s her seat.

(The view pans to a girl sitting by the window, chewing on her pen as she stares down at her worn notebook, filled with drawings. Her eyes shine modestly as the sunlight filters from the window, and Saffron can’t help but let out a soft sigh. The girl appears lost in thought, completely ignoring the chatter around her.)

SAFFRON, THINKING: Victoria Murphy, mysterious enigma of Room 168, and, contrary to popular belief, the cutest girl in our grade. At least...according to me. Who can blame me? I’ve been head over heels for her since day one, of course I’d think she’s pretty. But, haha, does she think the same? Absolutely not.

(She walks to her desk and places her bag next to her seat. If she glances left, she can get a perfect view of Victoria. However, her daydreaming is interrupted when someone sits down next to her.)

KARMA: Saffy, my dear chaotic gay! How was your summer?

SAFFRON: You spent it with me, Karma. I think you’d know.

KARMA: Ah, details, details! Anyway, anything interesting you wanna tell your good friend Karma before class begins?

SAFFRON: (Glances briefly to Victoria, but quickly plays it off as getting her notebook) Uh...no, sorry.

KARMA: You wound me, thinking you can fool me so easily! We’ve been friends since grade school, Saffy; I know exactly when you lie and what you lie about. And don’t think I didn’t catch you drooling over Murphy just now; that’s what this is about, isn’t it?

SAFFRON: (Claps her hand over Karma’s mouth quickly before glancing nervously to an oblivious Victoria) Dude, shut up! She could hear you!

KARMA: (Laughs and pulls her hand off) She’s got headphones on, little miss paranoid. Just work up the guts and tell her! What’s the worst that could happen?

SAFFRON: Let’s see. She could reject me, laugh about it with all her friends, never speak to me again, hate me for the rest of her life, possibly file a restraining order against me-

KARMA: Okay, okay, geez! I didn’t mean for you to actually answer that.

SAFFRON: Then don’t ask.

KARMA: You wound me deeply, Saffy. Hey, is Murphy over there looking at you?

(Saffron makes a confused hum and flicks her eyes over to Victoria, who is indeed looking their way, chin planted on her hand as she gazes at the two with an unreadable expression, ignoring the other students filing in. Saffron quickly glances away as soon as their eyes locked, Victoria doing the same.)

SAFFRON, UNDER HER BREATH: Holy crap.

KARMA, UNDER THEIR BREATH: I know. Victoria Murphy, the one you’ve been crushing on since grade school, was staring at you! At least, I think.

SAFFRON: There’s no way. She was probably looking at you. Heaven knows you’re attractive; literally half of our class has had a crush on you before.

KARMA: Aw, you flatter me, Saph. Yes, although I am roguishly attractive and people just cannot resist my charm, I am inclined to believe that it was you that our dear Victoria was so intently focused on. Besides, I have a boyfriend, I’m not up for grabs.

SAFFRON: (Rolls her eyes) As if. Still have no clue how Indie deals with you.

KARMA: Excuse me? This body is flawless. Everyone wants a piece of me. I’ve even got the creepy fan letters to prove it-

(They suddenly stop, eyes widening with a mix of emotions in their eyes, ranging from surprise to maniacal glee. Saffron turns around to see what they were staring at and her eyes widen as she sees Victoria standing before them, playing with the hem of her skirt as she fidgets nervously. Saffron feels Karma insistently nudge her leg with their foot under the table as a sign to greet her.)

SAFFRON: Hey, um...can I help you?

VICTORIA: Yeah. I noticed you, uh- you saw me looking at you? Earlier? And I was kinda wondering…

SAFFRON: Yeah?

VICTORIA: Why were you, uh...why were you looking back at me?

SAFFRON: Um- I- excuse me? (Blinks, a bit flustered)

VICTORIA: (Rubs the back of her neck and glances away briefly) I mean, I didn’t mind it, I wasn’t uncomfortable, I’m just...curious, I guess. I did see you looking at me, and I would’ve understood why, but you didn’t know I was looking at you before, I think. Sorry about that, by the way. So...why?

(Saffron hesitates, trying to string together words that’ll form a sentence that won’t creep Victoria out. Karma watches, trying to avert their gaze to not come off as rude.)

SAFFRON: I just...okay, can we talk about this somewhere else, please? I don’t...I don’t think a classroom full of, uh- full of kids would be the best place to talk about this.

VICTORIA: Yeah, okay. Meet me outside the school, near the oak trees, after classes?

(Saffron can only nod as Victoria tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and flashes a soft smile before returning to her desk and continuing her doodles, plugging in her earphones and letting the sunlight bathe her face again. Saffron stares, dumbfounded, before burying her face in her sleeves and trying to muffle her little screech.)

SAFFRON: Oh my god, she smiled at me. Karm, I think I’ve ascended to the astral realm. I’m dreaming. This is what heaven feels like. I’m one with the iconic gays.

KARMA: Yeah, I can see that. What are you gonna say to her?

SAFFRON: You know what? I’m gonna confess. (Sits up with a determined look on her face) I’m gonna tell her that I like her.

KARMA: Dude...you’re joking. Right?

SAFFRON: Look in my eyes and tell me that again.

KARMA: I- geez, okay then. So what are you gonna say?

SAFFRON: I’ll be direct, tell her straight up that I like her. That’ll make it obvious, right?

KARMA: You go, girlie. Tell me how it goes, alright?

SAFFRON: Yeah. I just...hope I don’t regret this.

KARMA: You won’t, if the way she’s making those big heart eyes at you is anything to go by.

SAFFRON: Shut your mouth.

[Scene II, underneath a tall oak tree outside of the school. Victoria is waiting patiently, watching clouds bump into each other against the bright blue sky until she sees Saffron running up the small hill to the peak, under the oak tree.]

SAFFRON: (Slowing down to a walking pace, playing with her sleeves) Hey. Uh...did I keep you waiting long?

VICTORIA: (Smiles softly) No, you’re fine. I just got here a few minutes ago.

SAFFRON: Okay- that’s, uh- that’s good.

VICTORIA: (Giggles softly) Are you always this nervous?

(She laughs a little bit, and Saffron finds her laugh very pretty, but can’t help but deflate at the fact that Victoria is seemingly laughing at her. Victoria, noticing this, ceases her laughter and is quick to apologize.)

VICTORIA: (Clears her throat) I, uh- sorry. Your nervousness is just kinda cute.

SAFFRON: (Blushes a pale pink) I- uh- thank you?

VICTORIA: Anytime. So...care to answer my question from before? (Plays with her hair a bit as she waits)

SAFFRON: I- uh- shoot, um…

VICTORIA: (Smiles encouragingly) It’s okay, take as much time as you need. I’m in no rush and I don’t imagine you are either.

SAFFRON: Okay, um...shoot, this is really hard for me to do…

VICTORIA: (Takes Saffron’s hand comfortingly, squeezing it) It’s alright. Think of me as a friend you can trust. You can tell me.

SAFFRON: (Looks away, tearing up a bit) See, that’s the thing-!

VICTORIA: (Confused) What is?

SAFFRON: Look, I just- ugh...just listen, okay? Because this isn’t easy for me to do.

(She looks down to hide her forming tears at the thought that Victoria will reject her harshly, albeit thinking that she probably deserves it. Victoria watches her carefully, not saying anything.)

SAFFRON: Look, I...I’ve known you for a while, watched you since nearly grade school. I know we haven’t talked much, but…

VICTORIA: But…?

SAFFRON: I just...just listen, okay? Because I’m only going to say this once!

(Victoria nods, and Saffron takes a deep breath before gently pulling her hands away from Victoria’s and clenching her fists.)

SAFFRON: I...I like you. I really do. As in, like-like you. As in...I want to watch the stars with you and hold your hand and kiss your knuckles while telling you how much I love you, that kind of like.

(Victoria doesn’t say a word, and the nervousness of the moment sends Saffron into a ramble.)

SAFFRON: I’ve always admired you. You’re always so reserved, I can never read you, and that’s what draws you to me. You always smell like this kind of...this kind of...honeyed incense? It’s nice and smoky and sweet and I love it but I always felt scared that I’d come off as creepy if I just...y’know, admired your scent in front of you? And I know your eyes are that smoky dull kind of color, but when the sunlight hits them, they just become so...so bright and sparkly and full of life, and I can’t help but fall for you. And I know you probably don’t like me back, and that’s okay! We just met, so it’s normal. I mean, I shouldn’t even assume anything, I just-

(She’s cut off when her right hand is taken into Victoria’s left, the latter’s other hand going to cup Saffron’s cheek. Victoria’s right hand is cold, and Saffron wonders why the other is warm.)

VICTORIA: I’m going to say this, and I will repeat it as many times as you want me to. I’ve always liked you, always watched you from a distance. You were always so sweet to those you liked, and yet you were so closed in; I wanted to get to know you better, wanted to talk to you a bit, but every time I mustered the courage to come up to you and start a conversation, my heart would wobble and I’d choke on my words.

(Saffron is lost for words, stammering and failing to form a coherent sentence. Victoria offers a soft yet awkward smile that just makes Saffron’s heart melt.)

VICTORIA: (Glances away nervously, biting her lip) But...even after all of this, I still don’t know you that well, so maybe we could get to know each other before we let our feelings turn into...a relationship?

SAFFRON: (Nods understandingly despite being shaken up) I..I understand.

(Victoria opens her mouth to say something, but snaps it shut, pursing her lips anxiously. Saffron’s head tilts curiously.)

SAFFRON: Did you want to say something?

VICTORIA: Uhm...I…

SAFFRON: You can tell me, I promise.

VICTORIA: Okay, I’m going to do something crazy. Close your eyes. Do you trust me?

SAFFRON: (Eyebrows furrow, but soon relax as she nods) Always and forever. (Closes her eyes slowly)

VICTORIA, UNDER HER BREATH: (Takes a deep breath) Okay, you can do this, Tori. You got this. No going back now.

(Victoria bites her lip before moving her hand to the back of Saffron’s neck and pulling her in, leaning in just enough to place a chaste kiss on the corner of Saffron’s lips. Saffron’s eyes fly open as soon as the kiss is placed on her skin, and Victoria pulls away quickly.)

VICTORIA: I- I’m sorry, was that too forward-? I- I just- uhm-

(Saffron lets out a light laugh, causing Victoria to look at her with a mix of confusion and hurt until she’s pulled close and kissed gently, on the lips, properly this time. She hesitates for a moment before kissing back lightly, and it lasts for a few more heartbeats before they pull away slowly, staring into each other’s eyes, starstruck.)

SAFFRON: That...that just happened.

VICTORIA: Yeah, it did.

SAFFRON: I just kissed Victoria Murphy.

VICTORIA: Yeah you did.

SAFFRON: Oh my god, I just gave Victoria Murphy a kiss.

VICTORIA: Yes you did, dearie. Y’know, I wouldn’t mind more.

SAFFRON: Wh- (Realizes what Victoria said, flushing a pale pink) Oh wow, okay, that was super forward and cute and I was not ready for that-

VICTORIA: (Giggles as her alarm rings) Hn? Oh… (Trails off sadly as she notices what’s on her phone screen) I have art class in a few minutes. Maybe we could...I don’t know, get coffee sometime? We can get to know each other there, yeah?

SAFFRON: Y- yeah. Sounds...sounds good.

VICTORIA: (Pulls a sticky note and a pen from her bag, scribbling something down and handing the paper to Saffron) Here’s my number. Text me, yeah?

SAFFRON: Yeah, o- okay.

VICTORIA: Good. (Leans in and pecks Saffron’s cheek) See you later then. And call me Tori. (Winks and turns around, heading down the hill and to the school parking lot)

(Saffron stares after her until her figure is barely distinguishable, holding the paper close to her chest. After Victoria is out of sight, she sighs dreamily, a tiny smile crossing her features. She glances down to the paper in her hands, a soft breeze fluttering across the terrain and tangling itself in her hair. She smiles and looks up at the sky, heart fluttering.)

SAFFRON: See you later then, Tori.

-fin-

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES:  All the details about Knives come out in this one. Huzzah! (I guess) I'm really glad people have been liking it; I know that every time I branch out into a new fandom that I can't know how the fic will be received, or even if there's anyone left in that fandom to read what I've written. But yay, there are still Scott Pilgrim fans in the world!

When I woke up, I was laying on the couch, tucked into the sheets that I'd prepared for Knives to sleep there. It was morning. Seriously, guess it took all night for me to go through that memory. Sitting forward, I groaned and gripped my head. Worst hangover ever, and I wasn't even drinking!

A couple of minutes went past as I tried to figure out if what I had seen was a dream, or what. Probably not a dream. It could have been, I guess, but I was a lot more certain that it was just a repressed drunken memory. Either because it was too hard to accept what I had seen and found out, and done, or just that the drunken state made my long-term memory conveniently 'forget' to retain those details.

And MAN were those some details that it left out.

"Knives?" I croaked, my throat dry. This was going to take a lot of thinking, and talking. I stood up to go make a pot of coffee before we got started-

And tripped over her body on the floor. Suddenly, she was a writhing, clawing mess, trying to attack me. There were a few seconds of frantic confusion before we finally were still, staring into each other's eyes.

"OH! Kim, I'm… good morning!" A long, slow sigh of relief. "God…"

"Shit, sorry," I muttered as we broke apart, catching our breath. "I didn't see you… why were you on the floor like that?"

Rubbing at her eyes, she said, "It felt too weird using your bed, and I didn't wanna move you, either. So I just… grabbed the other throw pillow and slept down here."

"Right. Makes sense." When she looked up again, I looked away. "So, um… so I guess we went a lot farther that night than I remembered."

"Huh? Oh… OH, right, the memory! It worked?"

My eyes narrowed at her as I slowly struggled to my feet. "Uh, yeah. You didn't know it would work?"

"My dad promised it would, and he's pretty smart about stuff like this." Her hair fell to one side, and her face got a little more guarded. "So… you really didn't remember before I used the glove?"

"Remember what? That you're a…" Luckily, I hesitated as I tried to find the right word, because I saw Knives bracing herself. As if she expected to be hurt. How bad was I that I'd made her feel that way before? "A little different?" I finished up, hoping that was safer than some of the other words I almost chose.

It worked. Knives sighed in relief. "Yeah. You, um, seemed okay with it since we started hanging out, but I didn't realise that was because you completely forgot."

"Yeah! Funny how those things are like, really similar!" We both shared a nervous laugh, and it died, and then we were staring at each other. After a second or two, I cleared my throat and started to comment on it. Say that it was okay that she was the way she was, that I didn't have a problem. But all of that sounded stupid; who cared if I had a problem? She was who she was with or without my 'approval'. I just didn't know what to say instead of that.

"So… I take injections in my thighs," she continued, as if we had only paused for a few seconds the night before for her to explain, then continued the conversation. "Kinda move it around so the bruising — sometimes there's bruising — doesn't all hit the same area. I tried stabbing myself in the butt once, and I like sitting down too much."

Smiling weakly, I asked, "In the butt, huh? Wild."

"Yeah. And it's not every day, it's once a week, but like… just bad timing my day was while I was crashing here," she lamented, looking down and away. "Sorry you had to find out like that. I mean, find out again."

"No, I'm sorry I forgot. Like damn, that's a major life status reveal, and I'm too drunk to hang onto it? No more whisky." Seriously, I meant to follow through on my promise to myself.

"So… we're okay?"

"What? Oh, sure. Yeah."

"Really?"

My feet turned and took me into the kitchen to begin making that coffee. "Yeah, Knives. Like… I don't really know what else to say about it, but I'm not… I don't think you're…" One more shot. "I like you."

"Good," she said, trailing in behind me. "But you still act freaked."

"I am. Like, I'm really surprised; you look so cute, and girly, and… I had zero idea that anything down there would be… atypical. No reason to suspect you were anything except Knives Chau, random ninja chick. But I don't know, I also feel stupid and like I'm overreacting. You know?"

She nodded, watching me go through the motions of making coffee. Busying my hands. "That's who I am. Knives Chau, random ninja chick. This doesn't change that."

"I know! Oh, I totally know that. I'm…" What else was there to say? "I'll shut up."

"Don't," she urged me, coming up to lean against the counter with her hip, attempting to catch my guilty eyes. "Say whatever it is. We can work through it. Like, if you need to say a bunch of… mean-sounding things that you regret later, just get them out, and we can talk about-"

"NO! Fuck that! I'm not gonna say shit that hurts you."

"You are. Not on purpose, but it'll come out. And I've probably said something that hurt you, and we should talk about that stuff, too, right?"

Biting my lip, I turned away. Then I whispered, "I basically called you a guy when I was drunk. And couldn't tell it hurt you. Fuck…" My eyes widened. "The other day, when I said… I wanted you to 'be the boy' sometimes… oh no…"

"Shhh, it's fine, Kim," she urged me with a sad little smile. "You didn't know. I, um… I thought you were being super mean to me at the time, and I was hurt, but when you backed off right away I didn't know what to think. So I just figured you weren't thinking when you said it. Guess you didn't have anything to think, 'cause you didn't remember."

"No, I just was… you know. Lesbians, gender roles, whatever."

Knives leaned up and planted a tiny kiss on my cheek, which made my stomach wobble. Both in a good way and a bad way, and I hated that my brain couldn't just get over this. "I get it now. Sorry for blowing up at you a little."

"Are you kidding? After how I treated you when we were drunk? You never have to apologise for anything again."

"What 'treated me'? Nothing bad happened. You just… got a little carried away."

My voice was hoarse when I snapped, "I practically forced you into letting me get you off! It was sick! And I didn't even care, I just thought it was funny, a-and if I had actually pulled your bottoms off when you were telling me not to… if I went any further, it would b-be…"

When did I start crying? I never cry. But Knives was already hugging me, stroking up and down my back. Kissing my cheek and whispering things like "It's okay" and "Shhh" over and over to me. Slowly but surely, it began to feel better, and my tears dried up. By then, I was hugging back, melting into the comfort of the woman who had turned me into some lovesick idiot.

"Kim, it's okay," she finally said when she could get through to me. "We were both drunk and stupid. Two of us, not just you, all by yourself. I… sure, maybe I should have stopped you, and you should have stopped. That's why I don't really drink that much anymore, you know?"

"I did notice. And… and yeah, it's… a good idea." Burying my face in her shoulder, I growled, "I can't believe myself! I find out you've got a dick, and all I can say is 'Let me play with it, right here and right now!' Can your glove send me back in time to fucking beat my own ass black and blue?!"

At the phrase "you've got a dick," she did tense up slightly, but then she relaxed again and kissed my neck. Then laughed when I got to the end. "Okay, it wasn't that bad. And… I was pretty scared because it was all so new, but I liked the feeling, and you seemed like you were enjoying yourself."

Only at that point did I start to feel embarrassed about that part. "Um… well, yeah. I never minded playing with Scott's. Kinda funny sometimes. And you looked really hot orgasming, but like… in a cute way. I think you'd be hotter with a little more, uh, practice? Does that make any sense or am I sounding like an idiot?"

"You think I need practice being jerked off to be more hot?" she asked in a confused voice.

"No, not… well… more practice doing stuff together. Because even if I was too drunk to notice then, I could tell while 'watching the replay' that you were really flipping out on me. So getting more comfortable might help. And you get more comfortable with something by doing it more often, right?"

"Not all the time," she sighed, shifting anxiously. I noticed that, and turned more fully to face her.

"I didn't mean right now. God, Knives, it's first thing in the morning!"

Glancing up at me, she flashed a hesitant smile. "Oh. No, I knew that. Still… I'm really not sure about sex even. Like, I can't do things the way a normal boy and a girl can, so like, I was really not sure what would happen with Scott. And since my gender's different from what I have, like… it's scary."

"Yeah, Scott. He didn't, like… find out, did he?"

"Nah."

"Young Neil?" When Knives cleared her throat, I nodded. "That was why he dumped you. Couldn't handle the D?"

One of her hands made that wobbly "kinda, sorta" gesture. "Like I said, he just wasn't ready. And I was kinda using him to get back at Scott, so by the time I started to figure out I might like like him for real, and I told him about my situation, it was pretty late to be making him feel like he mattered. Still wish I handled that better."

"Sorry," I said as the coffee maker finally started up. The smell was incredible, and already helping to waft away some of that mental fog. "Yeah… you said that to me before. The part about not being able to do things the way a boy and girl can do, but you weren't serious, right?"

"Huh?"

"Because we could. I mean… you have what you have, and I have what I have…"

"Oh," she breathed, then looked away as she shrugged. "Sure, but… I'm not going to be able to… y'know… like a boy would."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not a boy. It won't be the same; even if I try to be one, to do that like a boy would, I'll end up being dumb, and you'll laugh at me. That was what happened when I used to try to be 'manly' when I was little because everybody expected me to act like a normal boy: all the other kids laughed and called me a sissy, because I'd usually be crying while I did my manly act."

"Ah," I said lamely. It was all I could say to that, since I had no idea what that was like to go through.

"Which is part of the reason my dad started training me," she went on as she dug in my cabinets for a couple of coffee mugs. "First, because he wanted me to be more manly, too, and then when I came out to the family… he wanted me to be able to protect myself."

Leaning back against the counter, I took her in. How pretty she was; it was seriously unfair. "How'd they take it? You know… their son turning into a daughter."

"I was always a daughter," she laughed with a slight smile, one that made my heart skip over a beat and shatter in the same instant. "Just… didn't know I was until later in primary school. And it took until halfway through grade seven to really convince them, which was literally just in time; the blockers might not have worked."

"Blockers?"

"Hormone blockers. Sometimes, they give them to trans-babies before they're old enough to like, fully decide they want to go through with their transition. Basically, in my case they kept the testosterone from carrying me through boy-puberty, so while I was in junior high, I stayed a 'little boy'. Just helps the transition go smoother; it's not a requirement or anything. Then later, I started getting estrogen, which helped me grow boobs and wider hips and mostly kept boy-hair from coming in, all that." At the end, she grumbled, "Except for that annoying face-hair that popped up in the Cup… had to pluck that right away."

"Trans-babies?" I half-laughed, exasperated at all these shiny new vocabulary words.

"You know… like I was in junior high. Young, but starting to live my truth. I'm a trans-young adult now, of course."

"Right. Pupa stage. So you take the blockers because you're a baby transvestite. And then… what, the real hormones when you're over eighteen? Or no?"

"Transgender."

"What?"

"I'm transgender. And maybe transsexual someday. But yeah, that's how it was, except I started my hormones at sixteen."

"What did I say? Transvestite?" When she nodded as I reached into the fridge for the bag of milk, I shrugged. "Sorry, I guess I don't know what the difference is."

"Transvestite is like… a drag queen. A man who just dresses up girly some nights, maybe on the weekends, because he likes to feel feminine for a little while. Or he's doing it for the money; some do that, too. It's a performance art piece, like mimes." Then she winced. "Well, not mimes. Drag queens are way cooler."

"And transgender is you? Meaning…" I went out on a limb. "Somebody who wants to live fully as the other gender?"

"Close. I already am, Kim." By now, she seemed a little worn by the conversation. There was no way around it; I needed this. But she was probably sick of telling everybody the same introductory shpiel by now. "This isn't something I'm trying on to see if it fits. I'm already a woman, and I was even before I figured it out. Just like I was already Chinese whether or not anyone told me I was, or I saw myself next to another Chinese person and thought 'hey, I look like that!' See? I'm who I am."

As I poured us two mugs of coffee, I took a quiet few seconds to digest. This was already hard on both of us. I really wasn't trying to say anything stupid, but I felt like every word I could say would be. 'I support you'? 'You're hot no matter what gender you are'? If I said something like that and she blasted me off into space, I wouldn't even blame her.

All I came up with when I handed her the mug was, "You're Knives."

"Yeah," she breathed with a small smile.

"And… uh… I might not have any experience with this, but I'm going to learn. Just… y'know. Time."

"There's not much to learn besides big words to use," she giggled as she took the coffee and sipped. "Little stuff, like history and whatever. Mostly, I think you'll figure out pretty quick that I'm the same Knives you knew before you walked in on me last night."

"But… ugh, that fucking lock." As she laughed again, I took a long drink, using the caffeine to help me wake up. "Okay. So like, I'm gonna try to ask whatever comes into my brain if that's okay with you, and just… get it out of the way, like you said. Since I'm sure you want to go back to Mario Kart."

"Ninja Ninja Revolution," she breathed in a hallowed voice.

"How did you know? Like… I assume you grew up being called 'boy' and wearing boy clothes, getting Power Rangers instead of Polly Pockets, or whatever."

"Ahh, I loved Power Rangers, though! And my parents weren't interested enough to question why I always picked the Yellow Ranger toys, since you can't really tell her gender from the suit." That got a laugh out of me, and she grinned. "But um… yeah, I always knew something didn't fit right. I'd always want to try on dresses and pink stuff at the mall, and my mom would tell me 'that's not for boys'. She didn't mean anything by it, but she was pretty stubborn, and everything was black-and-white to her, y'know? Boys wear blue shirts with trucks on them, not pink ones with Disney princesses."

"Yeah, both of those sound like dumb things to wear to me."

Shaking her head, she nudged me with her elbow. "Dork. Anyway, I also didn't have as much interest in boy things like teasing girls, or eating bugs, or… I dunno, whatever it is boys do when they're little. Some of it, like 'playing ninja'... I loved that, but I also wanted to get the other girls on my street to play it with me, and they thought I was weird. And so did the boys for me asking the girls. And then I also wanted to play house with dollies, and dress-up, and try on makeup, and…"

Her face had turned a little sad. Without looking at her while I did it, my free arm looped around her waist and brought her close. It felt weirder being close to her now that I knew all this, but crying on her shoulder kind of broke the "barrier", if that makes any sense. As if any of this does.

"Um… a-anyway, there were a few bad times. Like, my mom came home and caught me trying on Tamara's clothes and wearing make-up, and she yelled at me for a while. Said a few words I don't want to repeat. My dad was actually better about it, he just said that 'A true ninja must be a master of his environment, and I applaud your desire to learn how the other side dresses'. It was… a little off the mark, and my mom didn't look happy about translating it for me, but hey, at least he didn't call me a fag."

The word even made me wince when Knives did. "Hey… you're not. And even if you were, like, you look damn good. Whatever."

"Thank you," she said, in one of those patient 'look at you, taking baby steps' tones of voice. Which was fair, because it was kind of a dumb response, but I tried. "Anyway, once it happened a few times, both my parents started accepting that this was part of who I was. And by then, I did some research online about this, and that there was a real name for what I was besides 'a freak'. So I was ready to have hard conversations, and… just… y'know. Really start living the way I wanted to."

"This is a big part of who you are. Man, I can't believe it hasn't come up before now."

"It has, plenty of times, but you didn't seem interested in the details. Which was because you were drunk and couldn't remember," she laughed a second later. "Like, I did try to ask if you wanted to know anything once, but you kinda blew me off."

"What? When?"

"The next morning." She perked up. "You want me to get the glove?"

"FUCK NO." Taking another long drink, I then said, "Just tell me. Use words. What happened the next morning?"

"Oh, I asked something like 'About last night… are we cool? Or do we need to talk about it?' and you went 'Why? It was just a kiss.' Then I was all, 'You know, the rest of it. Like, about me?' which got you going 'Whatever, don't worry about it. Shit happens when you're drunk. No further discussion required.' And, um… I thought that was pretty accepting of you, but now I know it's because you couldn't remember and you probably didn't want to seem dumb. No biggie, though."

As she told me that story, I could remember it on my own — thank Christ. But I was remembering it as being purely about making out with each other, and nothing related to her gender. Pulling away, I set down my coffee and ran my hands through my hair. "It is a biggie, though! This huge thing about you that I totally forgot… I feel stupid. What if you told me you had terminal cancer, or you were destined to give birth to a genie, and it magically slipped my mind because of too much whisky?"

"Give birth to a genie?! Who would ever say something like that?" Her giggling got me to smile, though I was a lot more embarrassed than she was. The arm not holding coffee wrapped around me tightly. "Come on, don't be sad. If you're sure you're okay with me being trans, then I think we're all good."

"Yeah?" I hugged back, still feeling awkward but grateful that she wasn't mad about what I had done while smashed. "Um… thank you. Like, for real. I wouldn't cut most people this much slack for forgetting something so huge about me. You're a really chill chick."

"I know," she joked slightly with a big grin before taking another big drink. Then she frowned. "Hey, um, do you maybe have some Nesquik I can put in this? No offense, I'm just not big on plain old coffee…"

Snorting as I smiled at her, I said, "I'll see what I can do."

                                                   To Be Continued…