#uhhh dare i fandom tag this
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ok idk how to word this correctly right now cuz Tired but i think persona fans should learn that just cuz the game says something doesn't mean it's not also saying something else. like not necessarily in a subtext way but moreso how games can frame something. like p4 says naoto isn't really trans even tho the subtext is right there (naoto saying "it would be easier if i was born male" when talking about their childhood in their social link, being uncomfortable when dressed femininely, etc) , but it also frames transitioning is a very negative light.
naoto's dungeon has that operating table with the saws and shit as though the "body alteration surgery" (read: gender reassignment) is some dangerous and unethical process and not something that's been around since the 30s. the game itself goes to great lengths to say that naoto's totally happy being a cis girl. other characters will say it like, word for word, and you have to tell naoto you like it when they act girly to start their romance route. like the game has to insist that naoto isn't trans which is just fucking weird?? idk.
and it's in this weird clashing where we get all of this discourse. p4 (the text) insists that naoto is happy as a cis girl, while naoto the trans narrative resonates with people for a reason (that being all the subtext), and the framing of the narrative wants you to believe transitioning makes you unhappy.
so like what am i saying? p4 accidentally has a trans character and is purposefully transphobic about it.
#i feel like i just wrote in circles#anyway if i feel like elaborating on all this later i might#uhhh dare i fandom tag this#eh whatever i wanna see if anything happens while i'm sleeping#<- hoping nothing happens#persona 4#mlabs myaps
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TONGUES AND TEETH
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âËĘ ďż˝ďż˝ďż˝ďż˝âË⧠ďž. °đ ŕłŕż*
jackson! joel miller x fem! loner! reader
masterlist | ko-fi
summary: Joel refuses to acknowledge the part of him that aches to be a protector. That is, until you come crashing into his life.
cw: canon-typical violence, reader had a rough go of things before Joel, nightmares, medical inaccuracies (oh the horror!) uhhh reader has a broken nose and it gets set, unspecified age gap, daddy issues but we all saw that coming and itâs vague, as an ellie lover and defender until the day i die, it pains me to say no ellie-au IM SORRY I COULDNâT MAKE IT WORK bella ramsey as ellie they could never make me hate you
tags/tropes: hurt/comfort as always, age gap, nightmare comfort, honestly just two messed up people loving each other
a/n: proof that i will find a way to write an eldest daughter fic for any fandom/universe
not officially writing for him !! just had this idea
another long(ish) fic. if you're here from my masterlist, now would be a good time to go pee, get some water, and maybe a snack or two :) same things for those of you scrolling. i see u
title taken from tongues and teeth by the crane wives (GO LISTEN TO THE CRANE WIVES !!)
â§Ë ŕź â・ËđŚ´â・°âŠ
Jackson living isnât all Joel thought it would be cracked up to be.
Donât get him wrong- objectively, itâs great. Running water, electricity, a clinic- three hallmarks Joel was sure heâd never see again. Not since the outbreak.
So by all means, he should be content. He goes out for hunting parties and patrols. Has his own house. Has a permanent place to keep his boots and his knives and guns and a bookshelf to make his way through. He has a bed. He has his brother.
But heâs restless.
Joel spent a long time walking. Searching. Surviving. You donât quite slip back into easy civilian life just like that, no matter how perfect the conditions are.
At first, he solves this problem but going on more hunting parties, more patrols. He stays up late doing guard rotations and helps out his brother with projects when he can.
It doesnât solve the itch, though. That sharp little thrumming, just beneath his skin: the need to protect. To have a job. To have something or someone to look after.
He denies this part of himself as much as he can, because heâs not that man anymore. Not after Sarah. Heâs not. You donât stay somebody dying to help and protect when you kill people. Because theyâre still people, under the fungus. Under the parasite. Their brainâs still work. They still feel pain and anguish and fear.
Heâs heard them cry before. Hunched over a corpse, body acting with somebody else at the reins, faces covered in blood and gore crying âIâm sorry, Iâm sorry, Iâm sorry.â
So Joel isnât a protective guy anymore. Had to take out those parts. Replace them with solitary and meanness and a distinct lack of sympathy.
Itâs turned him into an angry thing. Like a gaurd dog; snarling, circling an empty pedestal it refuses to acknowledge is there.
He knows Tommy seeâs it. Tryâs to involve him in things whenever he can, invites him over to dinner. Hangs out at his house. Makes sure Joel isnât alone-alone.
So Joel really, really shouldâve seen it coming when he and the scouting party find you in the woods.
Youâre just as surprised to see them as they are to see you. They thought they were tracking a deerâ although some of the tracks and patterns of disturbance in the underbrush didnât add up.
Theyâd entered a clearing, guns poised, just to see you, handgun leveled at them, perched in a tree. Way higher up than Joel wouldâve dared.
âStay the fuck away from me.â Youâd hissed, voice carrying on the wind and rattling just like the leaves on the tree youâre in. How you managed to scale a tree that high in a busted pair of Doc Martens and lugging a backpack clearly full of supplies is beyond him.
But he doesnât need medical credentials to know youâve clearly had a rough go of things.
Youâre young. Not young-young, but young. Dressed in clothes clearly pilfered, youâre wearing a thick brown jacket that probably wouldâve belonged to a construction worker or something like that. Itâs a few sizes too big, and the cuffs are frayed and thereâs a hastily sewn patch on the elbow he can see. Your face and hair is littered with tree and other plant debris- though if this is a new addition from your tree climbing escapade, heâs not sure. Your nose has dried blood crusted under it, your lip is split, and thereâs a cut above your eyebrow. Your knuckles and hands are equally torn and split, old and new scars and scrapes littering your skin.
In short: you look rough. And feral, in that way that cats that live outside a little too long and a little too far away from people end up looking.
��I said stay back!â
He remembers, abruptly, that youâre probably scared out of your mind and the rest of the scouting team is still pointing their weapons at you.
He makes the motion for them to lower their weapons, and he lowers his own, raising both hands in the universal âwe come in peaceâ gesture.
You donât lower yours, but your grip on it is looser.
âWeâre from the Jackson settlement,â He shouts, hoping you donât hear the gruff anger in his voice that Tommy always complains he needs to work on. âThereâs running water and electricity.â
âIâve heard that one before,â Your hands have begun to shake on the gun, ever so slightly. âSo whatâs your guys prerogative, huh? Cannablism? Religion? You planning on burning me at the stake? Or did you have something else in mind? I am a woman.â
Joel takes a step forward but stops when a bullet hits the ground right where his foot was about to be.
âIf you take one more step youâre gonna find out exactly why Iâve survived alone this long.â
âLook,â He says, dropping his hands to his hips. âYou can shoot us, and one of us will shoot you, and itâll all be fine and dandyââ
Thereâs a chorus of whispers behind him.
âOr you can stay in that tree and not shoot us, and we wonât shoot you, and thatâll also be fine and dandy.â
He turns, jamming a finger in the direction of the settlement. âJacksonâs that way. Go or donât go. I donât really give a shit, but you look like you could use a bandaid.â
He jerks his head, and the rest of the party follows his lead, leaving the clearing âand youâ behind.
â
A few hours after he returns, somewhere in the late evening when twilight is starting to set in and the crickets are chirping, Tommy knocks on his door.
âThereâs a girl here for you.â
He raises an eyebrow. âSomeone asked for me?â
âWell, not so much as for you. Her words exactly were âthat gruff, mean looking asshole,â but I got the picture.â
He sighs, deep in his bones. A small part of him âthe part thatâs still connected to that dog, still circlingâ had hoped you would show up. However, itâs hopelessly overshadowed by the sheer exasperation of it all.
Heâs silent save for non-committal grunts and hmmâs the way over to the front gates where the evening rotationâs guards have you standing between them.
Youâre slightly worse for wear since the last time he saw you in that tree. Your jacket as a new rip in it, and your nose is sluggishly bleeding again. Up close, he notices itâs a bit crooked.
Gonna hurt like a bitch to set, He thinks absentmindedly.
He slows as he approaches you, hands in his pockets and shoulders back.
âSee?â He huffs, gesturing with one hand behind him. âNot cannibals. Or whatever else youâre worried about.â
Your face is hard set as you look around. âThat remains to be seen.â
âHello!â
Joel looks back to see a pregnant Maria waddling over, a concerned Tommy at her side.
âI told you Iâd handle itââ
âAnd I told you Iâm fine. Now,â She props her hands on her hips. âWhoâs this young lady now?â
You (hesitantly) stick out a hand to shake and introduce yourself.
She shakes your hand with a smile. Leave it to Maria to be able to read people with such ease. âIâm Maria Miller. Iâm one of the settlement councilors. The golden retriever fussing next to me is my husband, Tommy, and the angry looking bear next to him is his brother, Joel. I understand a scouting party found you?â
You nod, eyes flicking this way and that, cataloguing the area.
âIâve been on my own for⌠awhile. I donât have any supplies to offer, but Iâm smart and strong. Iâm willing to work in exchange for a place to stay.â
Maria hums, assessing. âIâm sure we can work something out. Youâll need to come with me to speak to the rest of the council, for our safety and yours.â
You tighten your grip on your backpack but follow Maria and Tommy, only sparing one backward glance at Joel.
He spends the rest of the evening trying to forget the look in your eyes.
â
He fails spectacularly.
This doesnât mean, however, that heâs anywhere near pleased when his nightly reading-as-a-poor-attempt-at-normalcy routine is interrupted by a knock on the door. One that sounds suspiciously like Tommyâs type of knock.
Only he hears two voices as he walks up to the door, and the other one isnât Maria.
Joel opens the door with a glare already fixed on his face.
âThere have to be other places.â
Tommy rolls his eyes. âItâs only temporary. The council agreed to let her stay so long as sheâs watched by a trusted Jackson member, and well. You vouched for her.â
âAnd when exactly did I do that?â
âIn the woods, when you met. You told her where you were from and how to get there. Honestly, Joel, youâre getting off light here. Some of the council members were not happy you told a random loner âno offenseâ where to find us. Kind of defeats the whole point.â
You huff a quiet âNone taken.â
He canât help the way his body tenses. âSo this is a punishment?â
âYes and no.â
âI donâtââ
âLook,â you interject, clearly fed up with the conversation. âItâs not the end of the world. Iâm not going to murder you in your sleep and I donât leave dirty clothes lying around. Itâs only for three weeks. Get over it.â
Another sigh threatens to release itself, but he stamps it down, figuring heâs hit his sigh quota for the day.
âFine. But take her down to medical first. I donât want her blood all over my house.â
Tommy shrugs. âNo-can-do. Maria needs me back at the house. You know where medical is. Iâm sure youâll manage.â
And with that, Tommy leaves, abandoning Joel and you at the doorstep.
Joel scrubs a hand down his face. âWait there. Iâll grab a jacket.â
The walk to the clinic is awkward and silent, and just when Joel thinks it canât get any worse, one of the staff tells him that since heâs your assigned supervisor/watcher/whatever, he has to accompany you. To everything.
To your credit, you donât look very happy about the arrangement either.
Still, you bear through all the exams, a grimace fixed firmly on your face. Apparently (and not surprisingly) youâre malnourished, dehydrated, running a small fever, deficient in several vitamins, have two cracked ribs (most likely, no x-ray machine) and some run of the mill scraps and bruises.
Youâre cagey enough on the details of the cracked ribs and nose that the doctor eventually moves on to the fixing you stage of things.
It takes awhile. There are a lot of injuries to cover.
When it comes to resetting your nose, the second the woman pulls out a needle and syringe, you go rigid.
âNo.â
The doctor blinks. âThis is just lidocaine, itâll numb the area soââ
âNo.â
âYou wanna feel all that?â Joel asks, the first time heâs spoken during your entire exam, âIt ainât gonna feel great. Crooked nose like that wonât set with one go.â
âNo needles. No numbing.â
Joel rolls his eyes. âWhat, you got a pain thing or something?â
Your hands go white-knuckled on the exam table. âFuck. Off.â
Youâre shaking, he notes.
Ah, He says to himself. Not a pain thing.
Fear.
The doctor shrugs. âNot like I wonât take the chance to save what we have. Youâll want something to bite down on. Or squeeze.â
You wrap your fingers around your own hand, a pathetic attempt at self-soothing.
He decides annoyance is the emotion he feels at your small movement. Nothing else.
He rolls his eyes as he grabs your hand, maneuvering it in place of your own.
âGood luck breaking it.â
You donât respond. He wasnât really expecting you to.
He knows without looking the exact moment the doctor starts resetting things because your grip on his hand quickly turns from barely there to crushing. You make no sound.
The doctor, to her credit, works fairly quickly, though by the time sheâs finished a single tear has carved a path through the blood and grime on your face.
He thinks about how someone learns to cry without sound.
The doctor moves on quickly, cleaning and bandaging the wounds that need it and telling you detailed instructions for how to take care of your nose and cracked ribs and what things you should be eating to avoid staying vitamin deficient. Itâs all a lot of words Joel is glad he doesnât have to memorize.
They stick in his head anyway.
You donât let go of his hand. Youâre no longer squeezing the life out of it, but youâre not holding its gently either. When you do finally let go (after the doctorâs left and you can leave) you practically tear your hand away, as if burned. Like youâd left your hand on a stove as it was heating up only you just now noticed it was hot.
He doesn't say anything about it. He figures you're liable to literally bite his head off, or some other violent action close to that.
Besides. This is all awkward enough.
The walk back to the house is just as silent and strained as the walk to the clinic. Only now your breath is just a little more labored. Steps a little shakier. Your hand's twitch at your sides like they're reaching for something, and you don't quite manage to hide the way you look around every now and then, a restless, nervous action.
He knows what you're doing. He was you, back when he first got to Jackson. Granted, he wasn't as twitchy as you are. He kept his distance, stayed mean and scary (as possible.)
He holds the door open for you when you arrive back to the house, because his mom raised him to be a gentleman no matter the circumstances.
You toss him a look of confusion and annoyance but step into the house, looking around the modest living room with something almost like wonder.
He toes off his shoes, sets them by the door, and takes off his jacket, hanging it on the hook. "Shower before you touch anything. You're filthy. And don't think I'm giving up my bed."
"I wouldn't have taken it even if you had," You sneer. "Where's the--"
"Down the hall on the left. You got clean clothes?"
"...I have less dirty ones."
He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Wait here."
He grumbles all the way upstairs, all the way through picking out clothes that'll fit you well enough until you either wash what you have or find something else.
He silently glowers as he comes down the stairs, thrusting the clothes out to you and turning on his heel when you take them.
"I'm going to bed. Don't wake me up."
When he lies in bed that night, he can't even pretend he's not thinking about you. In his defense, it's less about you and more about the new, strange, stand-offish person he's just supposed to live with for the foreseeable future. All because he had the bad luck of feeling bad for the battered, flighty, loner girl sitting in a tree.
He stares at his ceiling, internal clock (yes, he's old, he has an internal clock. Sue him) letting him know it is decidedly an hour he should be asleep. He refuses to go downstairs, on principle alone. He could get up and go find one of his books, but he knows that if you're anything like him, coming off of however long you spent alone, you're a light sleeper. You're probably awake now, listening to him toss and turn and being unnerved by the unusual silence of Jackson and the particular brand of night-noise it produces. That's what the first two weeks of Joel's life in Jackson consisted of, before he moved in here.
Maria had decided that Joel would stay with the two of them until he integrated in Jackson society. Perks of your brother marrying a council member, he guesses.
So he's not going downstairs. Not going to walk down there just to see a person, an entire person in his house looking like, looking like--
Fuck.
He throws his blankets off and angrily (but not loudly) marches downstairs to get himself a glass of water and the book he knows he left on the table by the couch when he was so rudely interrupted by you. This is his house, dammit, he refuses to be put out by a random girl.
Woman, his brain corrects.
The living room is completely dark when he makes his way down the stairs and he truly, honestly wishes he was surprised when there's a whoosh of air to his right and a knife embeds itself in the wall about a half inch away from the side of his face.
The living room is still and silent.
"I thought they took your weapons when you got here."
"I lied about what I had."
He scrubs a hand down his face, yanks the knife out of the wall, and tosses it back. If you can throw it, you can dodge it.
He doesn't hear any screams, yelps, or grunts of pain, so he assumes you caught it fine. Or at least dodged it.
He makes his way over to the kitchen, grabs the teapot, and takes down two mugs.
"You know they can kick you out for harboring weapons during your probationary stay."
He hears a rustle of blankets behind him. The sound of you stashing your knife, no doubt.
"Are you going to tell them?"
He snorts, filling up the teapot. "No. There's been a knife in my boot since the day I got here."
He hears more rustling, and decides against turning around. He's not quite sure what you've been doing down here all night since it's clear that you weren't sleeping.
He doesn't hear any footsteps, but when does turn around to set the mugs on the table, you're sitting at it, knees pulled up and head resting atop them, your cheek smushed. Now that his eye's have adjusted to the darkness of the living room, he can almost make out your features. They're easier to discern, now that you're not covered in blood and grime. You look... softer. Haloed in the glow of moonlight shining through the gaps in the curtains.
Your face isn't the only thing glowing. The tell-tale glint of a knife --a different, smaller knife than the one you'd thrown at him-- shines from it's spot, resting oh-so innocently on the table.
Joel just huffs.
"No weapons on the table."
He blinks, and it's gone.
He doesn't ask why you're still awake or what you've been doing instead of sleeping. You don't ask why he's down in the kitchen at all.
"What are you making?"
"Tea."
He gently places a teabag in each mug. He isn't really sure why he's doing this for you. You've done nothing but hiss and spit since he's met you.
But tonight, right now, blanketed in the not-quite calm of the night and the apparent unease you both drown in--
It's tolerable. You're tolerable.
So he takes the kettle off the stove and pours the water and places the steaming mug on the table in front of you.
To which you ignore, and snatch the mug out of his hands instead.
"Did you think I put that one," He points to the mug in front of you, "There for giggles?"
You cradle the mug in your hands, seemingly entranced with the warmth and steam. "You might've poisoned mine."
"Maybe I poisoned both."
You take a sip, then grimace when the too-hot liquid hits your tongue.
"You don't look like the kind of person to have built an immunity to poison."
"You also watched me make both beverages."
"So? It's dark. You could've slipped something in. Or maybe it was already in the teabags."
"What use would I even have for you dead?"
You shrug. "I don't know. You tell me."
âYouâre a deeply mistrusting person.â
âAnd youâre not?â
TouchĂŠ.
Joel remains in the kitchen, leaned against a cabinet sipping your tea, while you stay hunched at the table, sipping yours.
If he removes the irritability and the uncomfortable-ness of everything that involves you living with him, the moment is almost⌠companionable. Pleasant, even.
It⌠soothes that nervous part of him. Not the sad nervous. The angry nervous. That built up crack of anger.
Thereâs another person in his home that is neither attempting to perceive his problems nor actively attempting to kill him. Your belief that he might poison you aside, you still accepted the tea.
He firmly believes that Tommy isnât right about the loneliness thing though. His brother being right is just a world Joel canât live in.
Besides. Itâs too early to tell anything anyway.
â
Unfortunately, the following few days do not go⌠terribly.
That isnât to say they go well, though. Since heâs looking after you (read: making sure youâre not an axe-murderer or something) heâs not allowed to go out on scouting or hunting trips. Or solo guard rotations heâs come to covet.
Itâs boring, and having you around is strange.
Itâs interesting, when he gets bored enough, because if he focuses hard enough he can guess what events happened to you based on your reactions to certain things. Heâs pretty sure you were drugged at some point based on your reaction to the doctor with the lidocaine. Youâre general skittish and flighty nature can be easily attributed to the conditions in which everyone in the world is living in, but your particular brand of distrust and aggression says that humans, not the infected, have been the ones to hurt you the most. Your general unease in open areas or areas with not easily accessible exits leads him to believe that there have been several extremely close calls in several points of your survival.
He knows youâve been shot before, but that one was an accident. Heâd come downstairs, rubbing bleary sleep from his eyes and accidentally stumbled across you changing. Well, finishing changing. Heâd quickly closed his eyes and turned around, and thankfully you hadnât startled, but he had caught a glimpse of the stretch of skin not covered by the long sleeve undershirt you favored. On the left side, just above your hip and a few inches towards your bellybutton, thereâs a jagged, raised, circular scar. Still pink.
He knows you have a very slight, very subtle limp. Heâs not sure what causes it, but he knows you have one. It tends to act up when you do a lot of strenuous exercise for an extended period of time. Some days you wake up and itâs worse. On those days, youâre a little more mean, and a little more skittish.
Heâs yet to see you actually, legitimately sleep.
Heâs starting to think you havenât, since arriving.
Which is insane, because itâs been four days.
The bags under your eyes are horrific, even to him. Youâve gotten clumsier and clumsier, your attention span and memory are terrible, and he thinks you mightâve started hallucinating, if the times heâs seen you staring off into space with concerned, fearful, or twisted expressions on your face and mumbled rambles he canât make out are anything to go by.
On day five, when Joel comes downstairs in the morning and the knife you throw at him bounces harmlessly off the wall and clatters to the ground and you just stare at it, eyes foggy and unseeing, he decides to talk to Maria.
âI donât really care,â He says, because he has a reputation to uphold dammit, âBut Iâm not sure how much longer sheâs gonna last, and what sheâs gonna do when she wakes up.â
âMmm,â Maria hums, hands clasped on the table and staring at Joel with her best âI donât believe you donât careâ look. Sheâs really perfected it, âWell the truth is, she canât go forever. Itâs fear keeping her up now. Happens a lot with the loners that come in. Especially the women. Sheâs afraid that no oneâs there to watch her back and terrified she wonât be strong enough to fend off any attackers.â
Maria looks at her hands. âThe fear is exacerbated by the fact that the council took most of her weapons.â
âYou knewââ
âShe was lying? Of course I did. So did several of the other members, Iâm sure. But sheâs not a threat. Sheâs scared.â
He thumbs the thin scar on his cheek from the knife came just a little too close to hitting the mark when he sneezed in the kitchen. âSheâs got a funny way of being scared.â
âFight or flight, Joel. She knows flight isnât an option.â
âWhy are you lobbying so hard in her defense?â
âIâm not. Iâm explaining her actions. Also,â She gives a knowing smile, âYouâve started to care. Otherwise you wouldnât be coming to me about this.â
âYeah, yeah,â He grouses. âSo what am I supposed to do? Just wait for her to pass out?â
âYou could. Itâll happen eventually. She very clearly doesnât have that many hours left in her. Thatâs probably freaking her out more. Or, you could subtly show her that she can sleep around you. She needs to know that sheâs safe from whatever it is sheâs running from.â
Joel keeps his eyes locked on the kitchen table, tracing the grain in the wood with an absent-minded finger.
âI know you pushed for her to stay with me.â
âThe council wanted a punishment that fit the crime.â
âLook, I appreciate the thoughtââ
Mariaâs expression flattens. âJoel. Do not sit at my table and lie about how you donât need anyone and youâre fine on your own. You need this.â
âI donât need this,â He scoffs, âSheâs practically half-feral. No one needs that.â
Maria stands, shrugging. âThen I guess youâll have to file for a name change, No-One Miller. Until then, make sure sheâs not alone when she wakes up.â
â
He did leave you alone for the duration of his conversation with Maria, because fuck if he was bringing you to that, and he figured you both could use some time away from each other. He knows he can.
Heâs not very surprised to hear the familar whoosh of a small, sharp object sailing through the air that tends to accompany his arrival into rooms youâre occupying (heâs pretty sure it stopped being a fear response after the first two times and now youâre just messing with him) but he is suprised to see that this time, the knife doesnât even make it head height. Or to the wall.
It clatters uselessly to the ground near his feet. He stares at the metal between his boots and then up at youâ
âWhy are you sitting on the kitchen counter?â
âI donât remember.â
He leaves the knife on the ground and makes his way over to you, watching with mock disinterest at the several-seconds-delayed flinch you make when he stands in front of you.
You look up at him, eyes glassy and unfocused and you just look so, so tired.
Thereâs a curl of protectiveness in his chest that keeps trying to spread, keeps trying to grow. Here, in the kitchen, your legs dangling over the edge of the counter, bathed in the glow of the mid-day sun, it takes root. Right in the center.
He looks down at your feet. âWhat happened to your other shoe?â
You scrunch up your face. âI donât⌠I was getting in bed, I think. But it wasnât my bed. I forgot that things arenâtââ
That things arenât the same anymore.
He crouches down, untying the laces of your boot and shucking it aside somewhere.
âAlright, come on.â
You slide off the counter, clumsy and uncoordinated. He takes your hand in his, leads you up to the bedroom.
The stairs are difficult for your tired, barely working brain. He has to stop multiple times to physically lift your legs or stop you from falling over and cracking your head open.
You finally make it up there, though, and he realizes that you probably wonât want to sleep in your everyday clothes.
âOne last step.â
He canât help but notice how intimate the moment is. Not intimate-intimate, but. He instructs you softly to lift your arms so he can tug your shirt over your head and replaces it with a soft shirt of his own.
Staring into your eyes is too charged and allowing his eyes to wander is bad for obvious reasons, so he keeps his gaze firmly fixed on the junction of where your neck meets your shoulder.
He keeps his eyes there as he helps you out of your pants and into a pair of flannel pajama pants. The same ones heâd given you the first night you came. Youâve never slept and heâs never seen you go to any of the places he knows have extra clothes, so heâs almost positive you donât have any pajamas at all.
His fingers work quickly to tie the drawstring on the pants, and even then, they hang low on your hips.
He doesnât let his eyes linger.
âCome on,â He says taking your arm and tugging you toward the bed. âTime for sleep.â
âItâs the middle of the day,â You mumble, standing in place. âAnd I canât, what if theyââ
âIâll be here the whole time. Iâll keep watch.â
You mull his words over in your head for a few moments before stumbling the final few steps into the bed. You practically collapse into it, shuffling for a just few seconds before your breath evens out.
Youâre asleep.
He reaches over, adjusting the blankets a bit, before grabbing the book heâd left on the bedside table and settling down in the chair by the bed.
The hours tick by quietly, accompanied only by the quiet rustling of pages turning and your soft snores.
For the first time in awhile, he doesnât feel restless.
â
You sleep for a full eighteen hours straight before you stir.
Heâs a good portion of the way through his book before he seeâs your body tense in the corner of his eye. Your breathes are still even and deep, so if he couldnât see you, he probably wouldnât notice youâre awake.
âYouâve been asleep for eighteen hours,â He says, voice rough and scratchy with disuse, âYou got in bed voluntarily.â
âYou changed my clothes.â
âYou didnât seem all that capable of doing so yourself and I didnât think you wanted to sleep in jeans. You mind?â
ââŚNo.â
âGood. Go back to sleep.â
âI canât justââ
âYou didnât sleep for five days. If weâre going by the eight hours a night average needed or whatever, thatâs forty hours. Youâve still got twenty-two left to catch up on.â
You roll over to face him with a grumble. âI donât like how good you are at mental math.â
âGet better, then.â
You shimmy out from under the blankets, tossing him an âI have to pee,â as you make your way out of the room.
Itâs early morning now, weak sunlight behind to strain its way through the curtains. He figures itâs a good enough time to make some food (and coffee) if youâre going to be going to back sleep, so he meanders down to the kitchen and throws together a small breakfast.
âDid you make us breakfast?â
He never really gets used to how quietly you move through rooms.
âJesusâ yes. Here.â
He hands you a bowl with oatmeal and a small plate with a slice of toastâ toasted in a pan, because electricity aside, he doesnât own a toaster. Why waste time scavenging for an appliance when something else works just as fine?
He sets a jar of jam on the counter that heâd picked up awhile ago in exchange for fixing the hinge on somebodyâs door.
âYou got any allergies?â
âNone that matter.â
He nods to the table. âGo eat. Then get back in bed.â
âYouâre so bossy.â
âAnd youâre annoying. Eat.â
You eat quickly and quietly, then wordlessly follow him back upstairs, climbing back into bed.
âJoel?â You whisper.
âHm?â
âThank you.â
He tucks the blanket up over your shoulder. âGo to sleep.â
You obey easily.
â
Things between the two of you⌠soften after that. He slowly sees more pieces of your personality than the wild thing he met that day in the woods.
He learns that you love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but miss peanut butter and nutella sandwiches more than anything. He learns that on good days, you like drinking coffee straight black, but on bad days, you like it with milk and sugar.
He learns that your limp is the result of one careless mistake youâd made when you first surviving on your own.
âI thought the house was abandoned. It wasnât,â Youâd rolled up your pant leg to show horrific, deep, jagged scars circling your ankle, âGuy had set out a bear trap to slow down some of the clickers in the area. It was dark. Didnât notice it until too late.â
He learns that you, despite your snide remarks and sarcastic comments, like having him around. He feels a bit like earning the trust of a stray cat.
You begin to grow more comfortable with life in Jackson, though not by much. Heâs sure you werenât a people person before the outbreak, much less so now that he knows some of the horrors youâve been through before you got here.
Heâs even started getting used to how quietly you move.
Itâs easy to fall into a rhythm, from there.
He wakes up, goes downstairs. Sometimeâs thereâs a knife thrown at him, sometimes there isnât. Youâre usually sprawled on the couch, drool coming out of your mouth and grumbling incoherently about âold men and their stupid early mornings.â
Itâs almost endearing.
Since Joel spends a lot of time helping Maria and Tommy get ready for their baby, you, in turn, get to know the both of them by being stuck with Joel. Maria set you on edge at first, Tommy slightly less so, but through continuous interactions your prickly nature smoothed.
One night, you were all seated on their couch after enjoying a dinner together ânot the first and definitely not the lastâ having quiet conversation. Youâre totally passed out on Joelâs shoulder, dead-asleep and quite content to use him as a human teddy bear.
Maria smiles over her mug of tea. âSheâs grown on you.â
Joel rolls his eyes. âYeah, yeah. Sheâs not all bad.â
âHigh praise coming from Joel Miller.â
You have grown on him. And in turn, your relationship has started to grow into⌠something else. Sometimes his eyes linger just a little too long, and the looks you share feel just a little too charged.
Tommy sends him a look full of words only true siblings can understand.
âNo, Tommy.â
âOh come on Joel! You both clearlyââ
âWe are not having this conversation right now.â
âWhy not?â
âBecauseââ
You fling an arm out wildly, smacking him in the side of his face and grasping around until your pointer finger finally finds his lips.
âShhhh. Mâ sleeping.â
He wraps his hand around your wrist, prying your fingers off his face. âYou know thatâs what bedâs are for. Or couches. Or any number of surfaces Iâve found you sleeping on.â
âYouâre a surface Iâm sleeping on.â
âI shouldnât be.â
âWhy not?â
âBecause Iâm not a bed. Come on, up and at emâ.â
You whine at the loss of warmth when he stands, scowling as you haul yourself to your feet. As heâs putting on his boots by the door, he hears you thanking Maria and Tommy for their hospitality, and he canât help the little smile that twitches on his face. Seems like his parents werenât the only ones who made sure he had manners.
You meet him at the door, hopping in place to put your boots on and getting frustrated when they donât slide on immediately.
âYou know, it would help if you untied the lacesââ
âFuck off.â
He blinks. That seems a little more mean than you usually say nowadays.
So Joel takes a step back. Watchâs your legs and your shoes and your handsâ
There.
Your hands shake as you fumble with the laces, unable to get a good grip on the thin cords to untie and re-tie your shoes.
He shoos your hands away from the singular boot you havenât managed to get on.
âSit.â
Heâs thankful that he built the shoe bench for Maria a few weeks after he got to Jackson. It serves Maria well for not having to stand while she attempts to put her shoes on while heavily pregnant, a feat she bemoaned a few times, and now itâs serving you.
You plop down on the bench with a huff, crossing your arms as Joel crouches, undoing the laces of your boot and sliding it on.
âI can do it.â
âI know you can.â
âWhyâre you doing it?â
âBecause.â
âThatâs not an answer.â
He secures the tie on one boot and moves on to the next. âIt is tonight.â
Once both shoes are on, you both bid Tommy and Maria good night, and make your way home.
If your hand findâs Joelâs, then thatâs not anyoneâs business.
â
He notices things after that.
Youâve started snapping at him more often. Youâre not sleeping as much. Youâve started flat out refusing to go with him on daily chores as tasks, which either leads to an argument or the both of you staying at home all day.
It all comes to a head when you wake up screaming.
He thunders down the stairs, ducking on instinct for a knife that doesnât come. Youâre not on the couch. He whips his head around, the screaming stopped he canât find youâ
A thud. A panicked gasp.
He moves on slow, apprehensive feet towards the kitchen, crouching down to see you huddled under the table, knife clenched in your hand and pointed toward him.
âHey, hey, whatâs going on?â
Your eyes are wide and shining with tears.
âYou died.â
âI didnât. Iâm right here.â
You shake your head, breaths coming short and shallow.
He settles on the floor, crossing his legs. âHere, take my hand. Come on.â
He extends his hand into the space between you two. Achingly slowly, you put down the knife, and take his hand in yours.
âSee? Iâm still here.â
Eventually, your breathing slows, and the fear begins to leave your eyes. You drop his hand.
âIâm sorry.â
âNothing to be sorry for.â
âNo, no itâs justââ You break off with a strangled noise.
He waits. Lets a few minutes tick by.
âDoes this have anything to do with the fact youâve been avoidinâ me?â
You look down. âYou noticed?â
âI do have eyes, sweetheart.â
You grab the knife again, twisting it this way and that in your hands.
âIâm scared.â
âOf what?â
âOf you.â
He tilts his head. âHow come?â
Youâre silent for a little while again.
âI feel⌠okay with you.â
âAnd thatâs scary?â
âYes,â You breathe, âYou could leave, or die, and it scares me that Iâm already attached to you. That having nightmareâs of you dying affects me so much. That they happen at all.â
He hums. âSeemâs were at an impasse.â
He taps a finger on his knee.
âItâs not all bad. To care.â
âWho are you and what have you done with Joel Miller?â
He huffs, shaking his head. âYou know, against my better judgment, Iâve come to tolerate having you around.â
âTolerate?â
âMhm.â
âNothing else?â
âNo.â
âSo youâve never thought about kissing me?â
Heat rushes to his face. âIs that really a question you want to be asking right now?â
âYes.â
âMm,â He stands, âWell I donât answer that kind of question at this hour. Come on.â
He reaches under the table and pulls you out.
You clamber to your feet, still a little shaky after your nightmare.
You turn to go back to the couch, but stops when he tugs on your arm.
âMm-mm. No couch tonight.â
You look up at him, a question in your eyes he doesnât know how to answer with words.
He steps forward, rough hands coming up to your face, thumb swiping the crest of your cheek.
âTell me to stop.â
âI wonât.â
He leans down, capturing your lips in a kiss, soft and slow.
He pulls away after a few moments, searching your face for any sign of negativity or displeasure or disgust or, orâ
You surge up, kissing him again, all the same fiery passion he saw the day you met.
âI suppose that answers my question.â
He chuckles. âYou think?â
âI hope so.â
His hands slide down to your waist. and he canât resist the little squeeze he gives the skin there.
âAlright. Back to bed, letâs go.â
âI forgot how tired old men get.â
âPlease donât call me an old man right after we kiss.â
He can hear your quiet snorting laughter as you climb the stairs, socked feet silent as always.
You climb into bed first, shoving yourself into the side by the wall and then making grabby motions for Joel.
âAm I just a pillow to you?â
âYes. Come be a pillow.â
He rolls his eyes but slips into bed next to you and quietly relishes in the pleased hum you let out as you wrap your arms around his waist, practically smashing your face into his chest.
âYou comfortable there?â
âMhm.â
He curls one arm around you, his other hand coming up to cup the back of your neck. This close, he feels the shudder run through your body at the motion, and curious, he gives your nape a little squeeze.
Your reaction is instantaneous. You go limp- completely boneless.
âI got you, I got you. Go to sleep, now.â
It doesnât take you long. And with you asleep so soundly in his arms, he follows right behind you.
ââ・đŚšÂ°â§â
#girlblogging#joel miller x reader#joel miller#joel tlou#joel the last of us#joel miller tlou#joel miller the last of us#joel x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x y/n#joel x you#joel x y/n#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#the last of us hbo#the last of us#tlou hbo#tlou#tlou fanfiction#tlou fic
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Fanfic writer interview!
tagged by @ashenaura. Merci bien ! ;)
How many works do you have on AO3?
145.
Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:
I'll Follow
Where The Heart Is
Your World
Everything and More
Brittlest
(... yup, it's all SAU and those numbers will never not shock me)
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Of course. It might take me forever (my inbox is staring at me dead in the eyes), but I will respond. It means the world to me and if anyone makes the effort, they deserve a response. Easy.
Whatâs the fic youâve written with the angstiest ending?
I need happy endings with my angst so... yeah. I think... Yesterday I died (tomorrow's bleeding) is quite sad.
Whatâs the fic youâve written with the happiest ending?
I guess the SAU has the happiest ending. Everything And More's last chapter is literally sunshine and calmness which, yk, is needed after the whole thing.
Do you write crossovers?
I've just gotten into it! I didn't see the hype before but um that was because I never tried to mash together the right verses I think. The Arkham Horror x Black Clover crossover is very dear to me.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
*touching wood* Nope.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I've written steamy but never full smut. Well, I've written bits. But they're unpublished and I don't think I ever will publish them soooo yeah.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge, no.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes! Someone translated Her Most Precious Memories in Russian (ĐŃ ŃĐ°ĐźŃĐľ Đ´ŃагОŃоннŃĐľ вОŃпОПинаниŃ).
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Just like crossovers, I'm just getting into it. And just like crossovers, I'm absolutely loving it.
@kalolasfantasyworld knows. We've written that Olympics Swimming one, Silver Scorching Interdimensional Slash: the Magical Medley Relay of Doom, and we're writing the most wonderful Formula for a Crush.
Whatâs your all-time favorite ship?
All time favorite... royai probably.
it's just the angst... it's just the sillies... it's just the war criminals... there's a dog... they're both so stupid... i love them...
Whatâs a WIP that you want to finish but donât think you ever will?
fhjfhds all of them. If I start a wip it's that I want to see it finished (because I want to read it). Sadly, I often don't have the motivation to. The wip list is ever growing.
What are your writing strengths?
Dialogue and internal monologues, I think.
What are your writing weaknesses?
Besides everything syntax and grammar-related because what even is English, I'd say description, especially of action scenes. It takes me forever to even dare put down a few words and I always feel like I'm describing like a 7yo would (no shade to 7yo but surely with 20 more years on this planet I should be able to do better).
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I did it in Formula for a Crush for Vanessa and Helena because Helena typically does it so it felt normal to As long as it's one word or one expression I don't really mind. (my Italian is non-existent and my Spanish is uhhh not good so, there's that.).
In my own work, I prefer to keep it in English and italicize. Less risk to completely fumble a whole language.
(I just realized that Zora doesn't even utter one word in French in FFAC and I'm French [I dare think I can speak and write the language relatively well]. so it's less down to messing up a language than personal preferences in writing ig..? I never really thought about it.)
Whatâs a fandom/ship you havenât written for yet but want to?
Nothing comes to mind. Rarepair Week was a great occasion to tick some of these boxes too.
Whatâs your favorite fic youâve written?
I've had this question ten thousand times and I think I reply differently every time dhjfdjskj. It's a tough one.
Right now I'm having a lot of fun with Formula for a Crush (nah, you can't tell with how much I'm talking about it).
what even is football anyway will always be very dear to me and I'll probably say it's this one.
Blue Hours (and its sequel, I might even like the sequel more simply for the rant about the dishes) is special because I loved the concept and I experienced a bit with the narration.
Thicker Than Blood because it's a longer one and it was a really non-pressure kind of fic (I expected no one to read it so I really had fun)
Yesterday I died (tomorrow's bleeding) and posing questions to a silent universe (my very thoughts a curse) for some nice Mia angst.
Lost in a storm, Itâs a big office, chief, for some nice Phoenix angst.
Tell Me About Cruelty means a lot to me.
(you might realize: I cannot choose. I'm looking at the 145 fics and I'm like. they're all special to me in some way. even those I wish I could erase from the face of the earth I'm like. I like that line, that scene, that hug. it's terrible and it's wonderful.)
--
tagging (no pressure, do it if you want) @kalolasfantasyworld (because ofc I'm tagging you), @wildflowerwoodsworld
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20 questions for fic writers
Tagged by @suavissimapenna <3 Sorry it took so long!
How many works do you have on ao3?
7 for Sherlock and 23 Good Omens that are completely mine. 6 collaborative fics I have either partly written, or just made art for. So, 36.
What's your total ao3 word count?
380,863
What fandoms do you write for?
Good Omens! I used to write for Sherlock too, but that's now in the past.
Top five fics by kudos:
Truth Or Dare (E, 6.5K words), my first proper smut ever! Post s1 gettig together story.
Angel Of Justice (T, 9.5K), my first ever Good Omens fanfic. Post S1 from Michael POV, A/C as a background couple.
!False (It's funny because it's true) (E, 5.4k), an office romance human AU set in software company.
A Stable Relationship (E, 9.9k), horse rider AU with trans Aziraphale. Friends with benefits becoming a romantic relationship.
Girls Just Wanna Have Sun (G, 1.7k), outsider pov scene about Robin's day at the beach, where she meets two weird gentlemen who have never been to a beach before.
Do you respond to comments?
YES I DO! Slowly, possibly, but yes I do, and I read and reread them!
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Uhhh... angsty ending? What is that? Technically Be Still My Soul: The Rift, but does that count if it's a middle part of a trilogy? That's definitely my angstiest fic of all time BUT I tried to write the happiest ending possible to it. But also, yeah, people died in the war (just not A or C), so maybe I'll count that story.
Edit: WAIT NO! To Love Somebody, a story from Shadwell pov about how he fell in love both Aziraphale and Crowley, and how that changed him. That's sort of angsty and the ending is bittersweet!
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Hmmmmmm. I have so many. I can't compare. Maybe Watching You (Watching Me), it's the porniest porn i have ever written, and it has...uh... several happy endings :D
Do you get hate on fics?
Not so far!
Do you write smut?
Yessss. I'm in my porn writer era at the moment :D
Craziest crossover:
I did some super weird anime crossovers as a teen (I hope those are long lost) but haven't dabbled on that since apart from very vague blink-and-you-miss-it references.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of!
Have you ever had a fic translated?
One of my Sherlock fics was translated into french in 2018!
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Only for one round robin event, which produced four stories! Not sure if that really counts as collaborating since we weren't allowed to talk about it when we did it, we just got the fic, read it, and added 600 words and gave it to the next one! It was super fun though.
All time favorite ship?
Aziraphale and Crowley. No competition there.
What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I don't usually start posting unless I'm 100% confident I'll finish the story, so I don't have public wips.
I had one pretty cool Sherlock post-apocalypse story idea, which I'd love to talk about if someone is interested, but writing it? Hmm probably not. But it's not really a wip, if I have only like two bullets in a doc?
What are your writing strengths?
I think I write pretty good bickerflirting and humour even in dark situations. And, uh... historical research.
What are your writing weaknesses?
LONG ASS SENTENCES. I need to cut them down. Chop chop chop. Also, I over-use commas and em-dashes.
Also, not being a native english speaker, but I think I've got a lot more fluent during the past years, so maybe that's not my biggest weakness anymore.
Thoughts on dialogue in another language?
I have done it myself, in a situation when my pov character wasn't supposed to understand what was being discussed, but I did only a couple of lines.
My languages (apart from english) are finnish, very rough swedish, and teeny tiny bit of german, but many fics I've read that have used another language in dialogue, use French or Spanish (which are popular languages for English speakers to learn in school!), and with those I'm woefully lost!
But honestly, i don't need to understand every fic under the sun! You do you, I bet there are people who can understand whichever languages you'd like to mix in your story, and that will be amazing for them!
First fandom you wrote in?
The Book Series That Must Not Be Named. I projected so much of my teenage angst into wizard school drama.
Favorite fic you've written?
You monster! Making me choose. Uh.
Okay, fair. It's easy. Be Still My Soul, hands down. @be-still-my-soul-fanfic
No pressure tagging: @hkblack, @ambrasue, @tawnyontumblr , @ack-emma and @zehwulf and anyone else who wants to answer!
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
heyyyy I was tagged by @snarky-wallflower for this thingy, and I don't typically do stuff like this but what the heck! This one looks fun, and I need a small break from finals.
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
Sixty-six! Nice round satanic number.
2. Whatâs your total word count?
Uhhh... 1,164,238. I think I broke a million back with Dream Come True. Wild stuff! Guess that's what happens when you do this nonstop for like four years.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Mostly Deltarune these days, obviously, but I also had a wonderful time in the Splatoon and DuckTales fandoms, as well as Miraculous Ladybug, My Little Pony, and a ton of smaller ones here and there.
4. Top 5 fics by kudos
Dare to Dream (Deltarune): A fun little Susie x Noelle romcom that takes place in a divergent chapter 2 timeline where Susie kisseed Noelle on the Ferris Wheel. Also the first fic in my mega-series Dream Come True, a 300,000 word epic that really kind of went off the rails. But don't worry about that! It's just a funny little romcom! Come closer!
F@#!, Marry, or Kill (Miraculous Ladybug): I am so mad that this is up here. This fic sucks. I wrote it when I was fourteen (hence my reluctance to say "fuck" in the title) and it's just the main characters of the show getting caught up in a game of Fuck-Marry-Kill that involves their own superhero identites, but nobody else knows that. It's a good way to leverage the dramatic irony of Miraculous Ladybug, I guess, but I hate that this was my most-kudoed fic for so long. I wrote it over SEVEN years ago. The only reason it got so popular is because back in 2016, the Miraculous Ladybug fandom was a sea of piranhas starved by the seemingly endless will-they won't-they of the show, ravenous for whatever scraps they could get their grimy little teeth on. Perfect example of why popularity doesn't always equate with quality.
People Write Fanfiction About Me? (Miraculous Ladybug): This one is actually good, even if it's also incredibly old. Basically, Marinette finds online RPF of her and her superhero partner that was obviously written by her superhero partner, and they get into a whole meta fanfiction war, and it gets worse from there. I like this one a lot even if it's in an outdated style: I think it's a good take on the identity reveal genre for the ML fandom.
Stealing Kisses (Deltarune): Not much to say on this one! It's a direct continuation of Dare to Dream, still part of the Dream Come True series, though it functions more as a drama than a straight romcom, which is only one of many tone shifts that this series eventually takes. It also contains Locker Biting Challenge (if you know you know), which I think is, to date, one of the funniest bits of situational comedy I've ever written, so it gets special notes for that.
Crossing the Streams (DuckTales): And this is my most popular DuckTales fic, to round out the set! It's a low-stakes / no-magic AU, where instead of going on daring adventures, the DuckTales kids stream FPS video games online, and are, like, famous streamers. I think its popularity was artificially boosted just a tad due to being in-progress when the series finale dropped, but I think it holds up! I had some good fun playing with identity, fame, and hidden relationships.
5. Do you respond to comments?
I--sometimes! Just not very often... Look, if someone asks me a question, or if I have something to actually say in response, or if the comment is particularly touching, I'll reply, but I'm just really bad at taking compliments! It feels very awkward to me to reply to every comment when I would basically just be going "Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it!" ten times in a row. That's the only reason (<-Definitely doesn't have anxiety)
6. Whatâs the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don't tend to do unhappy endings. Cold Case for sure, if it were finished, lmao. Although--I guess you could argue Stealing Kisses has a very angsty ending, though it isn't actually an ending since it's just a sequel-bait cliffhanger. But yeah, I'm going to cheat a little and say Cold Case. It should be finished soon, anyway! Hopefully!
7. Whatâs the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
That's hard to say considering the amount of romcoms I've written, but I think I'd actually have to go with the final mainline entry in my Splatoon series, Operation 24, which was The Wedding. It ends on a really sweet and poignant rooftop scene that I think is particularly uplifting, even compared to the endings of my other long-form romance fics.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Very rarely. I've gotten my share of transphobic comments -- welcome to the Internet! -- but thankfully they've been few and far between. I just delete them when they show up.
9. Do you write smut?
Yes, I have; no, you can't see it :p
10. Do you write crossovers?
I have written at least two crossover fics, so yes! I wouldn't exactly call it my genre, though. They're a little too niche and I like attention.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Oh boy. Yes, twice; the first was my Fuck Marry Kill fic for miraculous ladybug, which was ripped off and horribly butchered into a terrible version of the story by someone who IMMEDIATELY abandoned it to Orphan Account. Which is wild to me.
But the real creme of the crop was some kid on WattPad who copied large portions of my Operation 24 series, and then changed small and seemingly arbitrary details throughout to be more...train-centric? Like, all the characters would have strange and OOC dialog about trains in the middle of the romance. And then after a few chapters of that it did a total left-hand veer into a Thomas the Tank Engine / Harry Potter crossover that was utterly wild to behold. This whole saga is probably one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me in my life and I'm honestly more bewildered than mad about it.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Wow, wouldn't that be cool! But no, along with getting a podfic this is one of those big fic-writer experiences that has elude me thusfar.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope! I don't really know how to co-write outside of RP, and I haven't ever really done RP. I'm not opposed to the concept of co-writing, but I think it's sort of difficult to make work with my writing style.
14. Whatâs your all-time favorite ship?
While I'd love to give the PR-friendly answer of Suselle, I think it's gotta go to Miraculous Ladybug's Love Square. That show has haunted me for seven years and is showing no sign of stopping, and the fuckery it does with its main relationship is some utterly unrivaled Shakespearian nonsense. The way the fandom has built around the relationship is also very interesting, especially the way the fanfic scene has shifted as the show develops and its audience grows up.
15. Whatâs a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?
If I want to finish a WIP, I will finish that WIP. The only ones that don't get finished are the ones I don't want to finish. This is the power of believing in yourself!
16. What are your writing strengths?
Dialog for sure--always has been--and also just, like, grammar? I do words good, as they say. I like to think I have a pretty well-rounded writing skillset at this point, though.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Definitely descriptive stuff like setting the scene. I have to really work to make sure my scenes are embodied in physical reality, and sometimes I just forget to describe new locations. It's just a fairly boring part of writing for me, so I don't like doing it.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?
I took six years of Spanish and have forgotten all of it, so this is unlikely at best. Spanish also uses em dashes instead of quotation marks to denote speaker changes, and while that is very linguistically interesting, it is also very confusing to me, specifically.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Uhhh... the first fandom I published was Miraculous Ladybug, but I think the first fandom I wrote for was My Little Pony. My MLP stuff is on a different site, and also pretty freaking bad, but it was my first large-scale fic and it really helped me develop my skills and voice.
20. Favorite fic youâve ever written?
Easy: Dream Come True. That was a monumental journey to go on, and seeing my readerbase follow along as that story morphed and twisted and just kept going and going was such a unique and satisfying experience as a writer. It truly feels unreplicable.
I'm not going to tag anyone because I am a coward, and get horribly anxious at the prospect of @ing people. But if you see this and you wanna do it, use me as an excuse! Say I atted you! Live freely!
Okay good bye. I must return to my endless studies...
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life update ig ??:
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi !!!
ok so
1. i mentioned about having medical issues and some people got concerned so i just want to quickly explain the thing yk; in short it turns out having anxiety can cause heart arrhythmia ????? which can be like kinda dangerous;; but like in most cases it's fairly harmless so i should be alright :] !! still have to go check it out at the hospital (which i have been sorta putting off for a while bc yk. anxiety,, lol) but like other than it stressing me out a bit, everything is relatively fine :]
2. school is kicking my ass rn đ have a lot of unfinished work and missed a ton of classes bc my mental health kinda sucks,, so yk it's not exactly going great lol. but uhhhhhhhhhh im sure I'll figure it out ? ig ?? ye.
3. got a small art block. well it's more like "i have so much work to do, how dare i draw at a time like this" (and then just go to sleep bc im soo stressed and overwhelmed about everything đ) but like. I'll probably get over it soon đ¤ˇ
idk i also just feel super obligated to always post super high effort paintings if i have many followers yk? like alot of the time i just feel like my drawings aren't good enough and everyone will like despise me for it;; and idk ig i just need constant approval for everything i do for some reason sjdhjshd. ik it's like. a really inaccurate and terrible way to look at it but i just can't rlly help it;;
uhhh all that to say, i hope it's alright if i post more sketches and unfinished drawings ? ;;
4. i would like to formally apologize for barely responding to literally anything. like. im so sorry dudes;;;;;;; unfortunately i have. very intense social anxiety and literally do not respond to anyone ever. (/srs it's like. a genuine issue in my life. whoops) but like i feel super bad about it bc i don't want to seem like i don't care T_T cuz lik e. i literally read every comment, message, tag, etc. and they always make me so so so happy ;;;;; like i routinely show screencaps of random comment to my friends gush about how nice they are đ idk point being; im a loser, i love all of you and it blows my mind that anyone cares about my silly drawings for a p much dead fandom lol.
extra: also i uh made a creepypasta oc đ§ââď¸might post about him maybe idk im scared it'll be cringe sjhsjsgdhgdhd epic
TLDR; pretty stressed, small art block, school suckz, might die but probably not lol.
(sorry this came off super negative and sort of venty đ its all good i swear, im just silly)
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Tagged by @voxofthevoid
Last Song: Home to Me by Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Got the whole album after hearing it on @words-writ-in-starlight's Kencyrath playlist!
How dare you love me like you've never known fear When you've got more troubles than minutes in the year And a voice like your father's tells you nothing good's for free Well that may be, but you're walking home to me
Currently Watching: Brain not currently accepting video input? Really wanna finish Spy x Family and watch Nimona tho. And Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Currently Reading: Uhhh. Uhhhhhhh.
Non-fiction (Academic)- Collecting, Preserving, and Interpreting the History of Electronic Games by Jon-Paul C. Dyson for an essay I should be writing about the "discourse community" around archiving video games and connected materials
Non-fiction (Leisure)- Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries by Kory Stamper and The Billionaire's Vinegar by Benjamin Wallace (it's about wine fraud)
Fiction- direly tempted to, instead of writing my essay, start either In the Watchful City by S. Qiouyi Lu (an extrasensory human, Anima, starts to question ĂŚr job maintaining and protecting ĂŚr city when a cabinet of curiosities comes to town) (FUN PRONOUNS) or Tentacle by Rita Indiana (trans masc protagonist in the Dominican Republic tries to get transition drug and also prevent environmental disaster with time travel)
Fanfiction- where are they fucking hiding the Star Wars clone shenanigans. This fandom is massive why can't I find more CLONES and (this is important) co-dependence and polyamory. Anakin is a background character unless it gets me more Padme and Obi-wan being considerate and kind translating directly to bottoming has gotten old fast
Current Obsession: I have brainworms about GrimmIchi and have recently been consumed by Don't Starve Together (game).
Tagging: Gabe (above), @aethersea @tanoraqui @smallblueandloud @thesuninperigee @starcloud-nova @firecoloredwater and @mothman-etd
#nonnie 101: just my type#Tagged more ppl than I thought I would tbh#Love how the new dashboard briefly panicked about me trying to START A TEXT POST#Fascinated that the beginnings of titles kept un-italicizing themselves#I finished the Temeraire series since my last original post#Very proud of myself for that#Long post#Just to be safe bc I rambled
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20 Questions More
This is a deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. @nottawriter hit me with a tag, I have been attacked lol.
1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship / fandom? A dash of shower thoughts, with a pinch of I watched a movie and couldn't help but think... Yes, that will work. They often feel like the come from nowhere.
2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good? That's not fair how dare you ask me this!!!! Uhhh I'm mostly reading Supercorp stuff these days sooo... @jazzfordshire, @mycatismyeditor, @fazedlight, @innamorament0, @scribblingpunk, @fyonahmacnally to name a few. AAAAND my co-author and a vast array of things @tomatopudding! Why? Idk, I just get drawn a lot to these works and think they're lovely, and I love their depictions of these characters I love.... with @tomatopudding we just vibe very well, sharing the same five brain cells helps.
3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write? If we're talking Supergirl... That's so hard, but I might have to say Brainy and Nia if really pressed... and Alex. I really enjoy Alex.
Otherwise, my other faves include all of the Les Amis from Les Miserables (if you know you know), specifically Courfeyrac and Marius and their hilarious dynamic. Other faves include Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton, Eponine Thenardier and... This could go on for a very long time, are you sure you have time?
4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure youâd never write about? Which ones? Not putting Kara and Lena together just makes me sad... So Supercorp ftw all the way, they are my top (I am a lot more amenable in other fandoms I've written for)
Tropes... I'm unlikely to do Omega-verse, I haven't done it and I can't see myself starting even if I sometimes read it.
5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?
When I worked in retail I wrote on stupid little scraps and probably lost about 75% of them. Sometimes the method is hand writing, and then typing and making edits during that process as well. The handwritten can vary drastically from the typed draft lol.
I tend to fly by the seat of my pants unless someone is keeping me in line. I'm pretty darn chaotic.
I doubt myself a lot, so I always think whatever I write is garbage no matter how much proof there is that's not true. Also, sometimes I get burnt out, or my muse dies and then I feel terrible. Yay.
6) What is your favorite part of your writing process? Falling down rabbit holes, looking into fun topics. Likely ending up on a government watch list for the stuff I've searched up over the years
7) Whatâs the weirdest thing youâve had to research for a fic? Uhhh.... hmm. I have no idea what the weirdest is lol. Cause it's on my mind, probably looking up what types of wood are easiest to chop, and why. (There is definitely weirder, but I don't remember right now).
8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)? Commas. They hate me, and I hate them.
9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why? Oof. Uhhh... This is so hard! Honestly there is a lot of stuff in my co-written very long series Hamilton Family Album that was *a lot* between research and feels.
Especially when you're co-author hits you with unexpected feels out of nowhere that you weren't anticipating (YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID).
10) Have your characters ever done something you didnât expect, changing your plot completely? Of course, they have. It happens all the time.
11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why? Ohhh... Hands down Kara and Lena, I wish they could be my friends and we could hang out. Why? I think that they are absolutely incredible, wonderful and I could just sing their praises for ever.
12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing? Oooo, I'm a sucker for fluffy romances, and I've been dabbling in smut recently. Other themes for me can be like found family is a really popular one for me.
Since I've written both a lot of Les Mis and Hamilton stuff (among other similar things) I've done a lot of "Modern AU's" as well, which are uhhh varied to say the least. If I can treat anything they way the treat most Shakespeare pieces these days I do it.
13) Whatâs your most important resource as a writer? Asking for help! Soundboarding with other writers, I love doing it. It helps me make sense of my ideas... Or decide they're maybe too out there (almost never lol)
14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work? Reading it out loud, I have a hard time noticing errors otherwise. Asking someone you trust to look it over as well, take your time and double and triple check if you're unsure about something.
15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic? D. All of the Above
16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it? I try to just write for myself, usually because I haven't seen something like it and think it should exist. I do really enjoy getting comments if only because I'm always curious to hear what readers think about my work.
17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character / ship? I don't, and if I did it would be odd... I'm the most massive theater nerd. I do have songs that I think fit the vibes, and some shows I listen to have more apt things than others. Or if it's Les Mis it's the whole dang album lol.
Supercorp things if anyone is curious (and wondering how odd it could get): Mercury Rising from Lizzie, Come Home With Me, Anyway the Wind Blows, Wait for Me and Wedding Song from Hadestown, In A Crowd of Thousands from Anastasia, Origin of Love from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Maybe I introduced you to something fun today.
18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it? Oh dear... I don't know. The thing I'd love to see art for isn't up yet and I just think it would be fun but it will be called What Was I Made For... And we're gonna leave at that for now.
19) How many WIPs do you currently have? I'm finishing up You've Got New Followers (One chapter left!), I think three other WIP's (two more plotted than others) and my WIP for May-Hem... So five?
20) Whatâs your advice to new fanfic writers? Don't be afraid just because you've never done it before. That's why fanfic is amazing. You can do what you want and in reality no one can stop you, just make sure you're having fun.
My fics: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetGirl1832/works?page=1
Tagging but no pressure: @tomatopudding and @innamorament0
#les mis#les miserables#supercorp#kara x lena#kara danvers#kara zor el#lena luthor#katie mcgrath#supergirl#hamilton#les amis de l'abc
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Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors
Tagged by @mosylufanfic
1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?
Daydreamed a LOT. hated writing. Made up stories in my brain, mostly about Digimon. then, was Chronically Unsupervised for a summer and found Fanfiction.net and went oh heck, I could do that? I could just. write one down??? people would maybe like it?? and then I Did That. at this point I had, you see, decided I Liked Writing Now. (active choice, the way I recently decided that I Like Celery.)
2. How many fandoms have you written in?
Uhhhh ok so there's Digimon (technically) and Fablehaven (again, only technically.) Big Hero 6 and then Flash, Young Justice, Supergirl, Stargirl, Avatar, the Librarians, Leverage, Blue Beetle(movie) My Adventures with Superman, Superman and Lois, Legends of Tomorrow, pokemon (game--sapphire) and Agents of Shield. And like. my various RPGs. but a lot of those are like.... just a couple dammit hedgi day ficlets so... shrug?
3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction? the first one I ever posted on the internet was in I want to say 2007. but the first one I guess I ever like. actively came up with was a little booklet about an oddish and a jigglypuff escaping team rocket (they were the only pokemon I could draw) and that was back in like. '99. it had aproximately ten words in it so that's more of a fan comic than fanfiction.
4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?
I write more than I read, I think, but I read more than I finish, excuding the month of september. DHD is an outleir adn should not be counted.
5. What is one way youâve improved as a writer?
I can do action and fight scenes now!!!! Also I think I'm better at dialog. I used to be real bad at both those things.
6. Whatâs the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
hmmmmmmmmm. I mean. I feel like the deep diving into victorian flower language maybe? or like. How Trial By Combat worked in the Age Of Knights? How many calories a kitten with superspeed would need, perhaps. oh wait you know what, it's absolutely more obscure catholic patron saints, which I hardly even used in the fics i was researching them for, but man. did y'all know that St. Jude is also called Thaddeus and that he and St. Bartholomew are co-patron saints of Armenia? there's some kind of Barth Allen and Thaddeus Thawne Joke in there.
7. Whatâs your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?
I really like the key smashy "how dare you." ones. also a big fan of the ones where people leave their favorite line and a string of emojis. I love anything that lets me guess how emotional a person got.
8. Whatâs the most fringe trope/topic you write about?
uhhhhh idk. metakitties?
9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?
Long fics that drastically diverge from canon or are big AUs... I run out of roadmap and then worry no one's really going to care. also, just. ship fic in general. So I do not. or I do so rarely and in smaller sections.
10. What is the easiest type?
present tense introspective fics. those just flow.
11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?
I mostly use google docs, and I also do a lot of hand writing in a notebook. usually sitting at my little computer desk on my bed, or in the back hall at work, and typically in the afternoon-evening.
12. What is something youâve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?
ehhhhhhhh I'm not really like. intimidated by anything that I'm interested in doing? I'm just lazy. lol.
13. What made you choose your username?
Assigned Hedgehog by cubscouts when I was a counselor at a summer camp. It Stuck.
uhhh I tag @windona @pennflinn @wrencatte @thenarator and @parvumautomaton but no pressure but also anyone else who wants to do this.
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Thanks for the tag @candyskiez! I amâŚbad at this internet thing, so I'm not sure who to tag. Anyone who wants to can jump in.
1. How many fics do you have on Ao3?
46 total so far. 38 are fanfictions and 8 are original works but I'm going to be ignoring the latter from this point onwards where possible.
2. What's your total Ao3 word count?
271,996. The majority of that is because of "Above Board." That series was not what I expected to write at the time, but 2020 wasâŚodd.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Good question. I don't know. Whatever I am feeling in the moment, mostly.
In the past I've written for Hogan's Heroes and Fullmetal Alchemist. Recently I've finished a sizeable Star Trek Next Gen series. I am currently working on a number of Nimona fanfics and I expect to return to Leverage at some point after that. Beyond that, couldn't say.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
"Trust Fall", "Golf Blues", "Inventory", "Only the Best", and "Challenges in Rhetoric". A mix of Leverage and FMA. Somehow I'm not surprised to find the Waterworld story hasn't gotten a lot of kudos, lol. Glad to see "Inventory" up there, it was a lot of fun to write. Outsider POV usually is.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try really hard to. I adore getting comments, and I want to communicate that, but I can start to overthink my reply and spiral over them pretty easy.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
UhhhâŚ. Gonna have to give that one to either "Lies Will Out" or "Confessions" I think, even though "Lies Will Out" has a hopeful final scene. (Both Star Trek Next Gen)
"Love Like a Rain" (Nimona 2023) is a strong contender, but with the context of the movie, it gets resolved pretty much instantly and ends well. "Bones on Bones" (Waterworld 1995) is also a contender but is more impersonal over all.
Getting a proper resolution from "Lies Will Out" takes all 54K of "Wheat with the Chaff," and "Confessions" is a straight up tragedy.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
"we are such vicious, wild things" is very domestic in spite of the title, probably that one. Runner up is "Trust Fall." I love my OT3's it seems.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Not yet. I did start on ffn though, and the commenting etiquette there would be considered rude on Ao3.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I only wrote some recently, and I haven't posted any as of yet. Generally not my thing, but this one grew a plot I'm excited about. What can you do?
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
I write them, but I don't post them, because I've never actually finished one. I was working on an FMA x Star Wars Prequels thing for a while, got a third of the way through and scrapped it, though that isn't the craziest one. That's probably the unfinished FMA x Megamind Community Theatre AU I want to finish someday.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
No. Would love if it happened but it's very unlikely to.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No. Love brainstorming with people, hate actually writing with people. I'm a little bit of a control freak about the execution.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
How dare you make me pick one. I'm going to say Leverage OT3, but really it's tied between Goldenheart and Royai.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
Question 18 made me think of it--Tower of Babble.
I started a Next Gen fic where the universal translator goes off-line. I planned out the personnel dynamics based on who spoke what and the fact that the computer would revert to Vulcan and we see no Vulcans on the Enterprise D. I was going to have Geordi speak Creole specifically to fuck with Picard. I was going to have Riker and Barclay both speak German. Worf would speak Russian and people would reply to him in tourist Klingon with absolutely no idea what he just said. It was going to be gold but also I can't just use google translate for the whole thing. I really only speak French and English, which does mean I can fake competence for a few different languages if I do my research well, but that's really only the romance languages andâŚwell. I just don't think it's happening, unfortunately, as cool as it would be. Idea is free to a good home, doesn't have to be Next Gen or even Star Trek, would love to see it if someone makes it.
16. What's your writing strengths?
I have gotten a lot of compliments for getting character voice right and for providing an emotional journey, soâŚthose. I think I manage to balance OCs pretty well so that they stay secondary characters at most, and that I'm a fair hand at tension.
17. What's your writing weaknesses?
I am allergic to mystery plots. Hate them. Loathe them. Don't want to write them ever, ever, ever. I will give you dramatic irony all day every day, but mysteries are just. The worst. I don't actually know if I could be good at them because I have honestly never tried.
Fight scenes also, because fight scenes are of course really hard to write and I always make the mistake of making my characters competent so that I have to actually do choreography and not just Vibes. Uggggghhhhh.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I have done it in some of my fics, I usually try to do it in a way that the meaning can be intuited easily and it doesn't detract from the fic if you don't know it, or so that the translation is provided by the characters in the main body if it is plot relevant.
Mad respect for people who use it to drive the plot and do full translations in their end notes or hover text, you are incredible and I love you.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Hogan's Heroes. In 2018, I'm pretty sure. As far as I know that fandom still does like 3-5 annual events over on ffn. They're cool.
20. Favorite fic you've ever written?
Noooooo I have to pick??? I love them all for different reasons.
If I have to pick, then probably "Build Them Up, Let Them Go." Outsider POV is always a delight. I would consider saying "Wheat with the Chaff" but it was a COMPLETE AND UTTER BITCH TO WRITE, so no, no it doesn't get to be my favourite. :) Ever. :)
"Trust Fall" is a very solid runner up though.
By the time I finish it, I think some of the other stories in the "Love Like" series are probably going to jump ahead of these. I am still deeply in love with the character dynamics in Nimona.
My Ao3, if you're interested in an eclectic mix.
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Thanks to @thepiper0fhameln for the tag.
1. How many works do you have on ao3? 68
2. What's your total ao3 word count? 666,406
3. What fandoms do you write for? At the moment just Captain America but also have done X men, Castlevania, Supernatural, Harry Potter, Witcher
4. Top five fics by kudos:
Obsessions Release (Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy)
Game Changing (Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy)
That Sinking Feeling (Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy)
The Vampire Sex Club (Trevor Belmont/Alucard)
He Ate My Heart (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes
5. Do you respond to comments? Yeah I try and reply to all of them
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?God uhhh I don't usually do angsty endings but probably Betrayal which is a Drarry one but that's only really cos I never got round to finishing it, it was meant to end in a happier place
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? lol god idk I am a sucker for a happy ending so that's hard to pick, it's probably gonna be The Officers Tent just cos that's gonna have a sappy as hell ending
8. Do you get hate on fics? I don't think I ever had apart from the first post I ever did on ao3 where someone told me my formatting looked ugly but someone replied to that comment before I'd even read it telling the to shut the hell up :D
9. Do you write smut? all of it is smut
10. Craziest crossover: oh uhhh I wrote a Libertines/Harry Potter cross over once but its safe to say you won't find that shit anywhere :D the other one I wrote was throwing Hannibal into The Meat Grinder
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I donât think so.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, but it was with one of my friends and a very long time ago
14. All time favorite ship? I mean Stucky at the moment but I may change my mind on that one day
15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I WILL FINISH THEM ALL how dare you
16. What are your writing strengths? probably smut, conversations and I've been told I'm funny?
17. What are your writing weaknesses? Long sentences with a million commas, repetitive sentence structure (according to every editor I've ever sent work to) over using the em dash, putting the word 'just' in about 5 million times to every fic...over exaggerating?
18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? idk like I get why people do it but I have to stop and either click and translate or scroll to the bottom and that's gonna interrupt the flow of the fic, unless your intention is that I'm not supposed to understand it. I'd probably more go for 'he said something in Russian Steve didn't understand' . That being said one of my favourite fics at the moment does it all the time so it clearly hasn't put me off that much as it :D
19. First fandom you wrote in? Harry Potter.
20. Favorite fic you've written? Probably He Ate My Heart but I don't know if that's just cos it's the one that got the most likes/interactions in this fandom and I'm a praise slut?
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1, 3, 4, 24 for fandom asks!
1. What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?
OH GOD. Well. The first thing I wrote fanfic for was um. Fantastic Four. It was bad, it never got posted. My first POSTED fanfic was uhhh Twilight. But my first FANDOM I participated in was Silent Hill, and then that animated movie 9 I wrote sooo much fic for.
3. All-time favorite pairing?
Oh god uh. Listen. Listen. I eternally have a candle burning for Cassarric. It's my guilty pleasure. It's the only ship tag I track on AO3. đđ Also Johnchurch is a good ship!! Love that ship!!!
4. Pairing that makes no sense to you?
I'm normally a ship and let ship multishipper but sometimes there's just some ships that don't do it for me. Especially when they're like. Middle aged man x teenaged girl. DOUBLY SO when this middle aged man sets off my gaydar sooo bad. I'm not posting it by name because people get sooo mad when you insult it like that one person who was like Oh so you support incest?? As a gotcha when I said I would rather ship him with a man closer to his age, which I guess according to the anon replying translates to "ship him with his brother and mother" somehow?? How dare we piss on the poor!!!
24. Funniest fandom-related story?
Okay, so my biggest friend group right now is the Ducks (hi guys!! đđđ) and genuine ass we met over TAZ fandom. Idk if I have any other really funny fandom stories other than like what stuff happened when I cosplay. Tldr at a con a random Taako ran at me from across the floor yelling Magnus because I was the first Magnus they saw and I picked them up in a big hug even tho I didn't know them and they didn't know me. Another time was when I cosplayed handsome jack and touched my friend's chin and called her kitten and she turned purple.
I think also listening to Silver Springs on repeat while on a 2 hour plane flight and writing sad saw fanfic counts lmao
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<3 thanks for the tag (i kinda forgot about it for a couple days) (BUT. I remembered it again)
Name - muffin
Pronouns - i dont really care, but she/he/they (in no particular priority)
Star Sign - Libra âď¸
# of Siblings - 1 younger (i radiate older sibling vibes irl)
# of Pets - None :(
Fandom - uhhh, omniscient readerâs viewpoint, onlyoneof, skz sort of, pjo (renewed hyperfixation because of the show), a lot of webtoons/manhwas
Favorite Color - Green recently
Favorite Song - you dare make me pick one?? [babygirl by boywithuke or gaslighting by onlyoneof or into you by ariana grande] (actually idk) (you gotta understand, i hyperfixate on songs. i loop a song for three days straight and then never listen to it again)
Favorite Author - i was going to say idk bro, but then i remembered about the existance of Shaun Hutchinson. i think ive read all of his books and only like 5 pages have made me mildly annoyed when they werent supposed to
Hobbies - Swimming (wheeee im on a winter team this season and im like the slowest in my group but its a-ok), reading [manhwas or fics, i dont really read novels anymore], sleeping (i practice sleeping a lot)
Favorite Fic Type - exes to lovers, time loops, times loops again, established relationship, she-fell-first-but-they-fell-harder (im just listing tropes i like because i have 3 fics i like and i usually just reread those)
Favorite Holiday - Toss up between Durga Pujo and Christmas
Partners - nope
Fun Facts / Other:
Probably got the adhd from my mums side
somehow still a good student (so far)
i like math and science (language arts/english is disgusting. or maybe i just get bad teachers because i liked it for the first and only time last year)
Im bengali, but i can write/read it as well as a 5 year old (i can speak it tho)
i got my online name / url from a Slope leader board (there was a person called smushed pancake and i thought that was a good name but i also didnt want to steal their name like a fae)
i want to go into a science field, but i have no idea which and im running out of time before i have to decide on a major
one sec im going to go check that one hyper specific poll i did for more stuff
nvm tumblrs tag system sucks
i play viola (NOT THE FREAKING VIOLIN FUDKDJFJDJJDJ) (and also clarinet)
i have a cactus and i love her very much
i tried to save a couple orchids from the hands of my parents and they were doing better. but then i neglected them for a week because of finals and a fungus killed them
more youll have to unlock organically
No Pressure Tags - @coldbasementruins @toxicrevolver @ghostfeather @certifiedfakeikemen @anyone else who wants to
I got bored so here's a little get-to-know-you tag game I think could be fun :3
Name(s)
Pronouns
Star sign
# of siblings & fun facts about them (if you have any)
# of pets & their names
Fandoms
Favorite color
Favorite song
Favorite author (of anything readable-- books, fanfics, zines, webtoons, whatever!)
Hobbies
Favorite fic type
Favorite holiday
Do you have any partner(s)? (romantic, qpp, anything!)
Fun facts about you / anything extra you wanna share!
ââââââââ
Name(s): Loki (highly preferred), Elye
Pronouns : they/them mostly, he/she okay too
Star sign: Pisces
# of siblings: I've got 2! An older sister and a younger sibling. The fun fact about them is that they're also both queer; in fact, my mom is too. The only non-queer person in my immediate family is my dad.
# of pets: 4 cats! Phoebe & Frankie are our girls, Lenny and Murray are our boys :3
Fandoms: MCU (kind of), BSD, OFMD, Ranboo (does his fanbase count as a fandom?)
Fav. color: Don't have one
Fav. song: Aurora Borealis by Lemon Demon
Fav. author: Alice Oseman
Hobbies: singing, acting, drawing, writing, procrastinating
Fav. fic type: Fluff, definitely. I am a sucker for well written coffee-shop and flower-shop aus, too. Smut's fine, but only if it's romantic. I can't do angst if there's no comfort.
Fav. Holiday: Hanukkah or Halloween! I love autumn and winter
Partners?: Yes! I have a girlfriend (queerplatonic) who I love very much, and a boyfriend (romantic) who I love very much :]
Fun facts:
- Even though I'm a cat person, I really, really want a dog.
- I actually used to play sports. Because I don't do gendered leagues anymore, I don't play, but I've been looking for mixed/gender-neutral/queer sports teams. Baseball and basketball specifically!
- I started questioning my identity in 2019; I'm no closer to finding a label now than I was then. The difference is, now I don't want a label. I just am. :]
tags: @neonganymede @cha0ticlesbian @x-chiara @exceleo @brinnybee @autistic-katara @gandalfthemorallygrey @ohboyanotherlokiblog @roachandrenfri @ourflagmeanslokius @exceleo @edettethegreat @swiftlyspidey
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A VERY LATE INTRO THING IDK
HELLO FRIENDS call me bj or egg. i dont give a rats tail about what pronouns you use for me, use whatever terms and stuff you want for me. call me sir, call me madam, call me a lion in a panda onesie, idk
im a theatre kid with adhd and i am actually just the physical manifestation of dad jokes (fun fact: i respond to being called Dad (call me daddy if you dare)) and egg punsÂ
uhhh im in a lot of fandoms and thereâs too many to list so I wonât, youâll have to figure it out (I might one day put them in the tags of this post. but that day is Not Today)
oh im also an english/literature kid, I love analytical writing and creative writing of all kinds
TALK TO ME. PLEASE. send me asks if you want, dm me, tag me in stuff, whatever you like! im here for friendships and a funky fresh olâ time. if you wanna talk to me about life, go ahead! If you wanna rant about life, go ahead! If you wanna rant/info dump to me about a show you like or a book you love or an interest youâve recently acquired, whatever it is, GO AHEAD!! I love it when people get passionate about things, it makes me happy (and I rant a lot, so I feel like it should go both ways)
fun fact about me: i dont swear ever but I will use weird substitutes all the time (holy bajoolies is one of my most common ones. whatâs a bajoolie? idk. how did I come up with it? no clue man). (Update: I now swear sometimes (okay maybe more than sometimes) but I have used an f-bomb precisely three times in my life. and the third time was because guYNAWA KISSED FIVE TIMES OH MY GOSH)
also i will reblog a lot, so I give you my sincerest apologies. I sometimes try to add something to the things I reblog (generally in tags), but a lot of the time I just reblog it without anything. so if youâre scrolling through my blog, uh⌠good luck.
i ramble a lot and for that i am sorry.Â
HAVE A GAY DAY! -BJ
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đş what is your current favorite wip?
⨠who are your favorite characters to write?
âď¸ what fandoms do you write for?
đ whatâs one thing you love about the way you write?
đ who are some writers that inspire you?
Oh jeez thatâs a lot- ok heRE WE GO
Iâm about to ramble a lot so be prepared for long answers lmao
đ - Iâm doing this one out of order so the people I tagged donât have to read through the whole post, lmao. Iâm not that evil
Anyway, thereâs a lot, but the ones that really come to mind right away are @musashi and @thescrapwitch. Iâm so in love with both of your guysâ writing hdfgdjkfj. Youâre both incredible and I love reading your work so very much. You never fail to inspire me and motivate me to improve my own writing. Words canât even explain how much you inspire me. <3
The rest are below the cut because I talk a lot jfhajwhdkhsj
đş - Thatâs a hard tie between Patchwork & Indigo (Shadow-joins-the-lu-gang-instead-of-Four au) and Everything Goes Away (lovingly referred to as âlu traitor auâ 90% of the time). Iâm not very far on progress for either of them, but theyâre going to be longfics.
Iâve been working on EGA for much longer (like, since I first joined the fandom. So⌠about a year now. Good lord) and the plot is a lot more connected, and I think it has a lot more potential to be emotionally impactful, but I really love P&Iâs vibes. Iâm going into that fic with a specific vibe in mind and I like trying to keep to it. Plus Iâm biased cause itâs Four Swords-centric, lmao.
⨠- Four, Vio, Legend, and⌠tbh, Sky.
Four just comes really easily to me due to how connected to him I feel, lol. I donât have much else to say. Iâm biased and I love him and heâs a joy to write, always.
Vio is⌠really really interesting to get into the perspective of. He just,, thinks. So much. And you have to stop and consider his actions every timeâ idk, Vio fascinates me and I love writing him.
Legend is a bit harder for me just because Iâm not very good at coming up with snarky comebacks and the like, but I still enjoy writing him. Snarky characters my beloved. Give anyone a strong personality and Iâll love the hell out of writing them, lol.
As for Sky⌠heâs much harder for me to write. Iâve realized that Iâm SUPER afraid of getting his characterization wrong and I really really wanna do him right⌠but when Iâm not focusing on my worries I honestly love trying to let myself think the way he thinks. Those sort of nurturing, âi will lend my whole heart to you so you can find the comfort that you needâ types of people are the some of the people that I admire the most, so itâs really nice to be able to write in their perspective. Iâm not explaining it very well, but⌠yeah.
âď¸ - Linked Universe and Four Swords, right now! I technically have some very very old abandoned Okami wips, but I have no plans of ever letting them see the light of day, lmao. I might dip into general LoZ someday though. Itâd be cool to do a Minish Cap or Phantom Hourglass oneshot or smth⌠idk! Weâll see.
đ - how DARE you tell me to compliment myself. FSHGSKWHHFK UHHH fuck. I donât know??? Ummmm⌠Iâve had people tell me that the way I write my prose in certain fics is like,, it feels comforting? Or gives off a comforting vibe? Idk. I got a comment or two like that on BMAD and I got a comment on Heartbeats saying they âfelt peace at the end of [it]â so,,,, That. Whatever Iâm doing there. I like that. I wanna do more of that. I have no idea what Iâm doing that gives off that vibe but I wanna replicate it. Whether itâs the prose or the dialogue⌠I just wanna give people that feeling, yknow?
#thank you for asking!!!#sorry the spacing is weird tumblr mobile sucks ass#//#answered echoes#anonymous#ask game
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oh, the life of a pirate for me!
by poetic_nonsense
"Well, if it isn't the great Captain Crowley, most famed and ruggedly handsome pirate in all the Spanish Main," said the loathsome, detestable Lord Ravencroft, utterly indifferent to the tiny gasp from behind him. "How good of you to join us. I had rather hoped that my little invitation would entice you here."
Captain Crowley, most famed and ruggedly handsome pirate in all the Spanish Main, didnât even look at the villainous blackguard. His gaze went instead to the reprobateâs captive, the lovely, buxom maiden tied âround a rather out-of-place column, her eyes wide and starry as she beheld her daring rescuer.
Words: 1079, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: F/M, M/M, Other
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Pirates, Humor, uhhh... how to tag this, suggestive roleplay?, romance novel tropes, Bodice Ripper Tropes, also this is a "use your safewords for any reason you want to" psa, Established Relationship, Scene Gone Wrong, but like in a fluffy funny way, Aziraphale is a persnickety old fusspot and that's just fine, Cheesy, Fluff
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35792788
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