#uhh. I'm not gonna bother with a specific tag | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

applestorms · 2 months ago

Text

i was just gonna leave this as a comment, but my response started spiraling sooooo. guess i'm makin' this a full on post lol =3=" uhh anyways, responding to @skyborneveggie's tags on this post:

#really good analysis #always here for high-functioning depression light takes #i want to add; while Light is better at reading & manipulating people in the moment he also tends to overlook some things in the long run #because of his superiority complex #like his father volunteering for the eyes in matsuda's place #and matsuda in the ending. As much as i like to think of matsuda as wholesome- #-i do think if light played his cards right he could have manipulated him over to kira's side #but he didn't because he didn't think matsuda was important in the grand scheme of things

very good points!! about matsuda in particular— it’s interesting in retrospect how consistently he’s set up as a side character, particularly with how he is almost always immediately pushed off to the side despite that. like, alongside soichiro, he’s really the first member of the JTF we see pre-lind l. tailor (in the anime, anyway. in the manga it’s a bit more ambiguous, though matsuda definitely shows up to mention KIRA bringing the crime rate down in ch.3, still quite early).

he’s always the one counterpoint within the group, playing devil's advocate in a way with how he brings up the pro-KIRA side of things, yet as you say light underestimates him So consistently that he even ends up evolving into a full on joke/shakespearean fool character by yotsuba, which is really what makes his actions in the end so incredibly significant.

i distinctly remember reading that section where aizawa & mogi are getting more deeply involved with near and, in the case of aizawa in particular, are starting to genuinely consider the possibility that light might be KIRA, and just getting sooooooo so SO goddamn suspicious of what matsuda was doing. this was in part because i already had some spoilers about the ending, specifically about matsuda shooting him, but goddamn do his actions start looking suspicious when you begin taking him seriously as a threat. like, while aizawa is starting to live through his own psychological horror novel come to life, realizing that the innocent kid & strong leader he's been taking care of & following all this time might actually have been the fucking serial murderer they've been after for literal Years, here's what matsuda is up to in the background:

(light's face here. fuckin freak LMFAO)

(this one is particularly notable to me as it shows that even aizawa underestimates him— it's not just light, it's the whole damn team. even ryuk joined in earlier.)

(and of course, my absolute favorite example. the contrast between their expressions alone here is absolutely golden all on its own, but matsuda's heartfelt "don't worry, light!! i'll never betray you!!!" in comparison to THIS only makes it all the more juicy:

like, light doesn't even bother responding to him until he's got a goddamn bullet in his hand. he just sits there confident in the expectation that matsuda will lick his soles like a dog. jesus fucking christ.)

anyways, as i was saying: he's mostly just doing a bunch of dumb shit, making silly jokes in the background, fucking around with ryuk and being written off as an idiot by most characters, especially light but again also aizawa and ryuk. AND YET. he is Always hanging around over light's shoulder, lurking somewhere behind him in almost ever panel he shows up in, perfectly innocent to the point where it's can almost be more off-putting than if he were outwardly, actively questionable. like, this panel in particular, and i mean goddamn, just look at it again:

it hits So Hard in retrospect, not just because matusda is the one to shoot light in the end, possibly being his cause of death had ryuk not stepped in when he did, but also because it's true. as incredibly fucking suspicious as this panel may seem if you are armed with the knowledge that matsuda does, eventually, end up being the one to shoot light, it's equally easy to write it off as normal dumbass matsuda behavior because that is Exactly What It Is. and you would be right!! matsuda is trusting of light to a fault— when he eventually breaks, it is Not due to his own betrayal. it's the evidence of light's. and not just of his manipulation of the task force, for years and years and years on end— it's soichiro's death specifically that finally makes matsuda lose his faith in him.

the idea that light could've manipulated matsuda over to KIRA's side had he just tried a little harder is fascinating, but i think i can also understand why he didn't exert any more effort— it was kinda unnecessary. for basically the entire story, from the moment matsuda is formally introduced, to the minute light breaks and admits he's actually KIRA, matsuda is one particularly dedicated conversation away from being a full-on KIRA supporter— or so light believes, anyway. and he's probably not that far off.

really, i'm of the opinion that it's matsuda's existence as this KIRA-sympathetic figure in the task force in the first place that causes light to believe so strongly that he could eventually convert the entire JTF over to the side of KIRA— possibly even saving all of them their lives in the process. like, as i've said before, for all that light monologues about how he's Definitely Going To Kill The Task Force, Don't Worry, I Can And Will Do It When I Have To, he. never actually does it. instead, light goes through all the trouble of keeping the JTF strung along behind him for more than half a decade following L's death, holding on to all of these strings of his former life even when they are almost undoubtedly more of a pain than they're worth. unable to kill his father, unable to kill misa, unable to kill matsuda— even when he directly tries to.

i forget which post this was on, but i believe someone pointed out before that potentially a major part of light's grief following soichiro's death comes from the fact that he springs a shock on him at the last minute before passing: soichiro never stopped suspecting his son. when he sees light's lifespan above his head his first thought is to be relieved, because the question he's held at the back of his mind for Years has finally been undoubtedly assuaged. light is desperate to believe up until the end that he can make the world truly and genuinely pro-KIRA; his final actions in the moments of clarity before he starts begging at ryuk's feet for his life involve an enthusiastic speech as he makes one final bid at converting the JTF and SPK to join him and believe in his vision of Justice.

and yet. he never quite gets mastuda.

never bothered? or never could? perhaps a bit of both, but it's a fascinating character progression nonetheless, and easily one of the most interesting arcs in the series. poor, poor mastuda, indeed.

sidenote: this is a somewhat half baked thought, but i can't help but make a somewhat minor connection between light's treatment of matsuda and his treatment of misa, as well as his relationship with takada. like, let's think through the list of his main (human) supporters throughout the series, the ones who end up taking on the title of KIRA themselves: in the first half, misa, in the second, takada & mikami. if we add matsuda to this list, we get two mirroring pairs: misa & matsuda for the front half of the series, takada & mikami for the latter.

light's treatment of each of these pairs is quite different, despite the fact that they all essentially fulfill the same purpose to him: misa & mikami act as KIRA's eyes, killing those light is unable/unwilling to himself, while takada & matsuda fill the role of KIRA's spokesperson, albeit to very different audiences. thus each half of each pair executes a different side of KIRA's ideology: misa & mikami the practical side, becoming killers themselves, and takada & matsuda the persuasive side, pointing out the positive influences KIRA's actions have had on the population to The People and the rest of the task force respectively.

it's not quite as simple as i've laid out here, of course— tadaka eventually ends up killing before she dies at light's hand herself, misa lives as light's partner until she loses her memories and never quite recovers, mikami becomes quite static, just playing at a killer for Appearances, until his actions eventually end up accidentally betraying light and leading to his downfall. yet it still seems notable to me that despite light treating takada & mikami noticeably better for the majority of the time that he's working with them, those two are the ones who eventually end up dead, betrayed and betrayer respectively. yet, in the case of misa & matsuda... for all that light degrades them and treats them like shit, those two are the ones that get to live on past him while remaining stubbornly loyal until the end, until light's own actions twist back and smack him in the head.

i think perhaps part of the reason why light never ends up converting matsuda is not just his own ego blowing Shit outta proportion and assuming that matsuda will either very easily convert/is too much of a dumb liability to even bother with, but also light's own discomfort with having followers at all. like, it really takes him that full time skip to get fully on board with the idea that people will Submit to KIRA, despite the fact that he logically must know how necessary that is. light wants the recognition and love and commitment of other people, but he doesn't necessarily want the responsibility of their own stupid actions— a sentiment perhaps reflected in how easily he kills criminals, seeing their "evil" as something to be Purged, an annoyance just as much as a liability for the happiness of the Good, Pure People of the world.

as i've outlined before, misa is the main person who's enthusiastic submission consistently gets on light's nerves and icks him the fuck out, but i can't help but wonder if this same reaction applies at least in part to his distaste of matsuda. it's easier to get away from matsuda at least, considering he doesn't have to play the Good, Heterosexual Boyfriend around him, but that doesn't mean it isn't still somewhat present either. this also gets interesting if you start considering lawlight dynamics during yotsuba as well, and L's similar (if somewhat more overt, even) dislike of matsuda during that era BUT. that'll perhaps have to wait until another essay lolol =3=

#death note #astronaut rambles #touta matsuda #finally got to write me a matsuda post!! hell yeah!!!#been wanting to do this for a while lol but never quite found an approach that stuck w/ me #thx again for the tags on the original post hehe :P #death note meta #anyways. didn't mean for this to evolve into a light bottom advocacy post but what did we expect really #how anyone could see that man as a Dom Top is beyond me frankly #he is so overtly Disgusted for so much of the series when people submit to him #i can't help but wonder if part of the reason why he's so chill with mikami is the fact that he never has to fucking #interact with him irl like he does misa LMFAO #even in the case of takada it's such a clear Performance maybe it's easier to pull it off #especially by that age... withered as he is LMFAO #also takada having her own repressed (oddly compatible?) parallels to light blah blah see @kiyomitakada's posts for more on that #coughs. anyways what where was i why does the clock say two hours have passed what the hell #where am i #light yagami #<- there's enough of him here to warrant that ok shush #alright enough blurry-eyed rereading it's Poast time #edit: oops added one sentence for clarity

19 notes · View notes

vrynnvryxivia · 7 months ago

Note

Hello hello hello

I'm here to bother you with a question for your silly lookin main SMG4 au 👁👄👁

So, what's the au about? I don't really understand it cuz I haven't been here much lately hehe-

Also, love the designs of the characters 👀

hello hello,,,, frankly i have no fuckin clue where to even actually begin on tryna explain the au, eeeeespecially because the au's a funky as hell mixture of a lot of my favorite hyperfixations combined (if youve been goin through the fuckinn "vry's rgb au" tag specifically you may have noticed that a bit of fnf's popped up in there, that's uh, that's the main reason/focus/starting point of the au actually hhhhhh)

best explanation i could try to come up with though is that ofc its multi-fandom focused, aaaaand sorta retellings/adaptations of canonical events (though i will say that its canon-compliant *to an extent*, as some of the events may deviate/be rewritten from actual canon) and also colors have a bit of a massive focus in the au if the au name is anythin to go by sjdjwjdjajjsj

speakin of the focus on colors, every single one of the characters do have color nicknames, iiiii just havent used em publically yet bc i wasnt in the mood to really explain the reason for why and how they even got those yet, but i'm prrrrrrobably gonna start usin them in eventually (and just so yall know, i will probably be listin the color nickname list of the goobers involved eventually, for now though you get to know that 4's is Portage (a light shade of blue) and 3's is Paua (a darker shade of blue, i am aware his main color is purple but uhh i was rediscoverin the smg4 series sometime durin puzzlevision so i was misrememberin his pre-redesign+ color palette 😭, its kinda too late to change it to some shade of purple atp so uhhh oops)

tldr; the au's a multi-fandom adaptation hell with a focus on colors woo /lh

i'll explain more when i feel like it or if somebody asks

#vrys dump #vrys rambles #smg4 au #au lore dump #rgb au #vry's rgb au

7 notes · View notes

generalconceptofagamedev · 6 months ago

Text

Welcome to my game dev blog!

you might ask "cat why aren't you posting your stuff to your main blog?" and to that I say.

(btw my main blog is @generalconceptofacat )

because I will post a lot of sketches here and I like posting finished art to my main blog most of the time (keyword most of the time I've posted sketches a few times but i like to post finished stuff most of the time) and also I wanna post coding related stuff here.

anywaysssss this is a long ass post so more beneath the cut!

QnA!

What engine do you use?

Renpy and RPGmaker XP

What art program do you use?

Clip Studio Paint

What are your pronouns?

Bitch anything can be a pronoun if you're not a coward

Ok but what can I call you as a name?

Cat, Felis, Beepers, these all work.

What's your opinion on (insert discourse/drama here)?

Uhh I think I'm about to explode you with my exploding sand grenades. watch out. Watch out I'm pulling the pin. Watch out. Watch out i'm throwing it. It's exploding. oh no you're dead. oh no. RIP.

You reblogged from this user and they're a terrible bad person!!!

Sorry but I literally cannot be bothered to check every single fucking blog before I reblog something. I'm not doing that. also I'm not reading your 5 million page long DNI to figure out if I can interact with you sorry. If you're uncomfy with that just block me and move on LMAO

What is your current project?

idk rn Im working on a few things idk which one is gonna be first.

So here's my tagging system-

there WILL be triggers in my games.

I will try to give trigger warnings when possible and will tag them as

tw trigger.

ex - tw eyestrain

I'll be using visibility tags like art,furry art, renpy, indie game, etc so dont pay attention to those

I will be tagging everything the title of the game its from, the type of post it is, and then the visibility tags.

ex.

(game title), concept art , art, renpy, indie game, furry, etc

tags (my stuff)

All posts- #kittydevposting

Text posts- #text post

Art- #art

Concept art- #concept art

Character art- #character art

Coding- #coding

Writing- #writing

Music/Music concepts- #ost #ost concepts

Character/Writing- #character concepts #writing concepts

wips -#wips

tags (stuff that isn't mine)

Reblogs- #reblog

Inpiration- #insp

Resources- #resources #save

Asks- #asks #answered #(url)

Fanart (if i ever get any) - #fanart

If you're looking for a specific character or game, search for that specific character.

I will tag them as:

#(game title)

and

#(game title) (character name) and #(character name)

I hope you have a lovely time on my blog.

#kittydevposting #text post #indie dev #pinned post #long post

2 notes · View notes

metacosmogenic · 7 months ago

Text

♰ [ Intro // Interactions Encouraged ] ♰

// The crunching of leaves alert Him to your presence. He turns to face you, offering a gentle smile towards you. \\ " Aah, greetings!! Yes yes, it must be quite the shock to see me again after so many years! - I do apologize forrr.... uhh.... " // He's not so subtly glancing at a notepad, muttering to Himself. \\ "- putting the story on hiatus! Worry not, my child. I am here to pick up where I left off and give you the love you deserve! ..and maybe rewrite some lore, I don't know what I was thinking back then.... .......eheh.. shouldn't you be........ yknoww.. excited? " ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Bonjour!! Welcome to my "The Father" (God) Ultrakill RP Ask Blog !! It's nice to meet you, I am Wyvern! now to get the ball rolling, here's how this shit is gonna work, so listen up ! XP 1. I am fine with any and all types of asks, but if i am uncomfortable with something, i will let you know or ignore your ask entirely! †. Note, I may not look at this blog often, so be patient please <3 2. Yes, you ARE allowed to fuck with Him in any way you want. and interacting with Him (especially in character) is heavily encouraged!! don't be scared of bothering me!! I WANT to be bothered!! 3. This portrayal of God is vague-canon but heavily altered !! You will find out more about what the alterations are via interactions :3c †. Note, I'm still very new to the Ultrakill fandom, so if I miss important lore notes such as character dynamics, let me know!! 4. God will have ANY design based purely off of viewer expectation. ex. if someone expects a white man, they will see a white man! (he honestly just didn't want to bother with creating a fixed-form. lazy ass) †. Note, God is very different as his true, biblical self and as a physical being! if you wish to speak to a specific one, make it known in your ask! 5. Whenever I am speaking, my text will be colored in red, and/or the tag "wyvern speaks" will be present! Now, enjoy!!! go fucking crazy!!!!!!! (and if anything i do makes you uncomfortable, let me know !!) > This section is for topics/things I'm uncomfortable with < ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Nothing exists here yet! but I will update when necessary!

#ultrakill #ultrakill rp #ask blog #rp blog #roleplay blog #character ask blog #ultrakill ask blog #ultrakill roleplay

2 notes · View notes

sketchnyan · 2 years ago

Text

INTRO POST LESS GOOO

Howdy doo!

Welcome to my main blog! Which happens to be my yokai watch blog-

Right now my blog is very messy, but I’m tryna fix it up,

As you can tell, Yokai watch is my favorite thing ever! I will consume ALL yokai watch content,

But I'm into other things too! (i’m just not as excited about them as i am with ykw lol)

Fair warning, i tend to change my interests alot so if you follow me for specifc fandom content, prepre for disappointment (Expect for YKW I will die with a Jibanyan tattoo on my chest, long live the overpowered roadkill)

So uhh… that’s basically it, I think I’m a friendly person so anyone’s allowed to interact with me except

Zoos

MAPs (this includes any Loli/Shota weirdos)

TERFs

Proshippers

Zionists (you have to be pretty dense to not see the abhorrent amount of war crimes being committed in Gaza, I'm not gonna to argue with anyone and I'm not free to debate anyone.)

Any blog that subscribes with far right conspiracies and ideologies (i doubt there are any here, it’s Tumblr for crying outloud… but just incase)

If you are any of these you will be blocked/ignored no question about it.

This list isn’t a complete list and I am sure I will be adding more as years go by,

I’m just here to talk about yokai watch and vibe. So don’t really bother me about my blocklist lol

Here’s specific tags if you’re looking for something

#Sketchnyan draws - All my art

#Sketchy - anything with my lil fursona in

Welp that’s it, that’s the intro post, it was late, but I finally made one!

18 notes · View notes

onyourstageleft · 1 year ago

Text

tw: pet health, animal sickness, cancer mention

idk how to do a read more on mobile sorry y'all but this is your chance to scroll on

so Peggy has some lumps under her skin. we noticed them on Tuesday night, there's two of them close together on her hip. called the vet this morning and they got her in at 2pm and took a biopsy and they'll call me back either Saturday or Monday with what's going on, they won't speculate or anything, but I did the very unwise pet parent thing and took to Google and based on everything I can find it is most likely fibrosarcoma which is a difficult to treat cancer and also expensive bc it involves surgery and continuous radiation/chemotherapy for several months and frankly I don't care how much it costs I will go into all the debt for this cat, I have a 9k limit on CareCredit and am unafraid to max it out + my other credit cards it's not even the money that bothers me, but if I'm right about what it is the prognosis isn't great for long term health and that is going to break me. She's my baby, she's only 7, she was literally the only thing keeping me from going off the deep end at some points in college, she's supposed to meet the kids I want to have in a few years, she's been here for most of my adult life and I will absolutely lose my sanity if I lose her anytime in the next few years. she has to make it to 10, ideally she'd be around for another 10 years past that but I'm realistic, I know 12 is perfectly reasonable so that's what the goal has always been, I literally can't do this without her. and my partners love her SO. MUCH. Peyton dotes on her, he's only been around for 5 of those years but he is so so in love with this cat, she is our baby, I would be lost without her so uhh if this turns out to be what I am afraid it is, don't be surprised if long form rant text posts become more common here bc I will absolutely lose more than a shred of my sanity.

also I guess don't be surprised if you see some sort of fundraising post from me in the future bc while I am unafraid to max out credit cards those bitches will want their money back at some point and I am unfortunately not a rich bitch, although quite frankly that is the least of my priorities rn, I just want to do whatever I possibly can for my baby. logically I know that I've done what I can but the anxiety is running away with me rn. like what if the tiny spot I felt on her a couple months ago and then couldn't find again when I looked for it was this before it got big what if I could have caught it earlier I should have been more diligent in checking or made a note of exactly where the tiny spot was initially so even if I couldn't find it again maybe the vet could have? I know I didn't put it off substantially and I really trust this vet they've been great but I could HEAR her as they were trying to numb and biopsy the spots she was so angry at them and once they shaved the area it looks SO much bigger than we could feel, like we knew there was one spot but were iffy on a second one and you can see them so clearly now they're big and slightly discolored and I am afraid. thankfully she hasn't been acting any different like she was literally having zoomies this morning but the idea of not having her zooming around makes me want to crawl into a bog and be preserved for a thousand years okay

anyway i know I've posted pics of her at some point but it's been a while so idk what I tagged them or where to find them but if you believe in literally anything at all I would appreciate an appeal on her behalf like I know there are so so many bigger things going on but Peggy Sue is my baby. other alises include Soupy Peg, Miss Ma'am, Peggum, Pegasus, Peggle, Soupiest, etc if you would like to be specific.

okay I'm gonna go take a bath now and try to read a book bc I need to not be on the internet rn, let's all spare a collective thought for my sanity

#personal #tw animal health #tw cancer #(potentially)#i also haven't even told my partners yet what i think it might be bc i am so afraid to speak it out loud #i feel like they have also done the reseach tho and likely also found the same info #peggy sue

2 notes · View notes

generallybarzy · 4 years ago

Text

not despite, but unconditionally.

an: written for my lovely lovely friend @softboybarzal who i love dearly so so so so much 🖤🤍💜 happy late asexuality day!!!! I hope this is everything i think it is and I hope it makes you feel all soft and happy because of it. I really put my heart in this one for you and everyone else out there who feels like someone won't love and accept them because of their sexuality. I love all of you sm and I promise you will find someone who cherishes you like barzy does in this fic.

tagging: @softboybarzal @fallinallincurls @matbaerzal @npatrickz @canadianheaters @selenophileangel @deleausvp @colecaufield @hockeyhughes11 @nazdaddy @barzysreputation @comphybiscuit @aboveaveragehockeyboys @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @petey-patty @starswin @heatherawoowoo

word count: 2.6k

After only a handful of months with Mathew, you already knew he was an amazing boyfriend- always attentive, but never suffocating, endearingly clingy and cuddly and soft, and the most caring and gentle man you had ever met in your life. Something you loved about Mat- but, god, how could you choose when there were so many things to love?- was how open he was to listen, to learn about you, to know you. How good the two of you were at communicating with each other, and how much he listened and made sure he understood what was wrong when you were upset. But, this beautiful talent of his came with downfalls, and that downfall- for you, anyway- was that you could never pretend to be fine around him. He knew you much too well. He knew everything about you.

Well, except for one thing.

So when you walked through his apartment door for your Friday night cuddles with a gloomy smile and a far-away look in your eyes, he knew something was wrong.

“Heyyyy, baby.” He bounced over to the door, always energetic, and grabbed your bag and coat from you. He bent down and lay a big smooch against your lips, smoothing a hand through your hair, and you subconsciously leaned into his touch. While he knew you always loved being near him, there was something so withdrawn about you lately. He smiled his comforting little smile, watching you with soft eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, bubs. I’m just tired, long day at work, that’s all.”

It was a lie, you knew it and Mat did too. Maybe you were tired, maybe you did have a long day at work, but he could see there was something else there. Even so, he smiled softly and kissed your cheek, vowing to himself that he’d get it out of you after a bit of cuddling. “Okay. How about we go cuddle and watch some Netflix, ‘kay? I have a hoodie ready for you to change into in my room, and I’ll start the hot cocoa, okay?”

“Thank you.”

“Always.” He lay another kiss on your head before shooing you off to the bedroom to change. “Go get cozy, babe.”

The moment you stepped into Mat’s bedroom, you knew how this night was going to go. Mat’s room was all tidied up, the bed was made and the drawers were closed and his nightstand was de-cluttered, and while he wasn’t necessarily a dirty person, it was obvious he had cleaned up today, and you knew why. Whenever you would come over and see he had cleaned his room, he would later try to take your relationship to the next level by turning your cuddle session into a makeout session, and the only reason those makeout sessions didn’t become more was that you would shoot him down and say you were sleepy. Granted, you loved the makeout sessions, you loved to fall asleep on him, and you loved how understanding he was that you weren’t in the mood. You just weren’t sure if he’d be so understanding that you were never gonna be in the mood.

After you stripped out of your clothes and into Mat’s big hoodie and a pair of sweats, you opened the door to go back out to the living room, where Mat was fluffing some pillows up and putting on Netflix. “Hey, just in time!” Mat set the drinks on the coffee table and pulled you into his side and flopped down onto the couch, snuggling into you like you were a teddy bear.

“So snuggly tonight, Maty.”

“Only for you.”

The movie dragged on, at least thirty minutes passing with barely any talk between you. Your mind was racing with what you were going to tell Mat when he inevitably tried to make a movie and you rejected him again. He was going to be so upset, you knew it, he was going to break up with you right here. You didn’t want to think about it

Then, just like you knew would happen, you felt his lips against your ear.

You welcomed it, gladly, you always loved when he kissed you. What worried you was what would come next. You couldn’t keep lying to him about this, leading him on, you had to tell him. “Mat, baby, stop.”

"What's wrong?"

"Ah, I'm just… I'm too sleepy to do anything."

Mat was silent for a few moments, before sitting up completely, bringing you up to sit next to him. "Are you just saying that?" God you didn't want to have this talk, you didn't want to fight, you didn't want him to leave you. You could feel the tears in your eyes. “Oh, hey hey hey.” Mat scrambled to collect you, bringing his hands up to cup your face and wipe away the tears, kissing your face tenderly. “Please, babe, I know something’s wrong. It’s fine if you don’t wanna have sex tonight but like, this might make me sound like a dick but I’ve waited and tried again and again and I’m just worried. Is there something wrong? Is it just that you’re not attracted to me or...? What? I promise I won’t be mad, I’m just trying to understand, ya know?”

“No, I’m attracted to you, I promise. I just…”

“What is it?” Mat’s voice was quiet and gentle, his brow furrowed. He was genuinely trying to understand.

“I- You might not like it, Mat, and uh, if you want to leave me after this… if it’s too much for you, I’ll understand. I won’t blame you.”

“Hey, hey…” Mat tilted his head down to try and catch your gaze, his eyes gentle, his fingers even more gentle on your chin. “Okay, you know I’m not pushy, but babe, I’d never make you do anything you don’t want to, but I need you to tell me this. You’re worrying me.” Mat saw the hesitation on your face, the way you couldn’t meet his eyes, and reached out slowly. “Can I hold your hands?” He saw the way your hands reached out instinctively for his and took that as his okay to hold them, marveling at how small your hands were in his. “Take your time, talk when you’re ready.”

You took a few deep breaths, and could only bring yourself to glance up at him momentarily. You couldn’t delay this any longer. "Mat, I don't want to have sex with you."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he shook his head softly. "Um, okay, yeah that's okay. I won’t push you to. We can wait as long as you need."

"No, no, I… I mean, like, ever."

"I… I don't understand"

“I’m uhh. I’m asexual, Mat.”

“Okay.” Mat glanced down to the floor for a moment, biting his lip and furrowing his brow. You could see the gears turning in his head, and you loved him so, so much just for trying his hardest to understand it. After a moment, he looked back up at you, gentle questioning in his eyes. “Okay, so, what exactly does that mean for you, specifically?”

You were taken aback. Never before did anyone ask you what your sexuality meant to you. No one ever asked where you fell on the spectrum, they just pushed you aside because all they hear was no sex, and decided you weren’t worth a sexless relationship. You were at a loss for words. “I just, I guess I don’t get turned on, if that makes sense? Physically, yeah, I can get aroused, but in my head, I don’t feel the sexual attraction. Trust me, you’re hot and all, but it’s just… nothing… clicks, down there, ya know? I don’t get the urge to have sex or anything.”

Mat nodded quietly, listening intently, so you continued. No one had ever given you space to ramble about your sexuality. No one had ever listened. And if he was gonna break up with you anyway, might as well get it all out. "I'm conflicted when it comes to sex, honestly, because I don't really want it or need it but I'm willing to do it for you if you really want it, ya know? I'm okay with making you feel good, but it just doesn't do anything for me."

“Well, if it doesn’t feel good for you, why would we do it?”

“It, it’s not that it doesn’t feel good. Well, for some people, it doesn’t. It’s a spectrum.” You saw Mat nod, and it made your heart swell how much he was willing to listen. “Some people hate sex, some people are okay with it, some people like it, we just don’t… necessarily need it. I’m okay with it, sometimes. I’m sure it wouldn’t feel too bad if I was doing it out of love, for you, but I just… don’t need it. I would do it for you, to make you feel good, ya know? But it doesn’t do anything for me.”

“So, that’s what was bothering you so much?”

“Yeah.” Mat was silent, his eyebrows furrowed up in thought. You could feel the tears coming back, even though Mat was so willing to listen, you knew he wouldn’t be willing to stay with you and give up something he wanted as much as sex. "I just, I know you want to have sex, and I just… I knew I needed to tell you, but I was trying to delay it because I just... I love you so much and I don’t want to ruin that. I know you want sex and I can’t promise you that, and I just…” Tears were streaming down your face now, and you could hear Mat frantically hushing you. “I just really really don't want you to leave me because of this."

"No no no baby, don't cry.” His arms surrounded you quickly, cradling you close against him. Your nose found the crook of his neck, settling there against that comforting scent that was just so him. His warmth surrounded you, you could feel his heart beating against your chest, his arms heavy around your back, keeping you close, and you felt safe. “Shh, baby. Please don’t cry over this. Please. I love you.” He lay kiss after kiss on your face, soft little pecks all over your wet cheeks. “I love you.”

“But you’re gonna break up with me, aren’t you?”

“No!” He leaned back from the embrace, keeping his arms tight around you and catching your eyes with the most serious look you’d ever seen in your relationship. This was the first big, serious talk, after all. “Let’s get that into your pretty little head first, okay. I’m not breaking up with you. I. Am not. Breaking up with you. Ever. Tell me babe, what am I doing?”

“Not breaking up with me.” You smiled tearily and he beamed down at you.

“That's right, you're stuck with me." His lips fell to a tiny half-smile. "Listen, I love you, and we’re not breaking up. But, I don’t want you to think that you’re holding anything back from me. You’re not. It’s not that “you don’t wanna have sex, but I guess I can still love you despite that”, alright? It’s not that I still love you despite your asexuality, or even though you don't want sex. It's that you're asexual and I love you. Two. Independent. Facts.” He punctuated each word with a kiss on your forehead, his hands cupping your cheeks gently. He tilted his head then, glancing towards the ceiling as he thought over his word. “Okay, that might’ve been a little confusing but hang in there for me. It’s that… You don't want to have sex and you're my girlfriend and I respect that. Saying I love you despite this makes it seem like your sexuality is something I should have a problem with, but it isn't. It's another part of you, and I love you. All of you. My love for you isn't dependent on the idea of us having sex, okay? What's that “U” word I’m thinking of? For when I love you no matter what?"

Your throat was tight and your voice shaky as you sputtered out. "You, um, you mean un- unconditional?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I love you unconditionally, okay? I love you for more than just sex. You're more than that... We're more than that, okay? A lot more. We’re all those dumb inside jokes we have that no one else is allowed in on, we’re weekly movie nights with hot chocolate and snacks. We’re hugs and kisses and cuddles on the couch after one of us had a bad day. We’re those shy kisses while surrounded by my teammates after we see each other on the concourse after a game, and me showing up at your work with lunch and embarrassing you in front of your coworkers, going out with all of our friends, and sneaking away to talk on the roof when the lights and the noises get too overwhelming. We’re about supporting each other in life, no matter what. That’s us. Sex doesn’t matter. If you decide later that you wanna try sex, I’m okay with it. If you’re okay with oral but no penetration, I’m okay with that. If you wanna touch me but don’t want me to do anything to you, I’m okay with that. If you decide you don’t want any type of sex ever, I am a hundred percent okay with that too. You know why? Because you’re so worth it.”

“Mat...” As much as you wanted to believe him, there was something nagging away at you, saying of course Mat wants sex, he’s hinted at it before, and what attractive young man like him wouldn’t? “Are you sure? You might be giving up sex for the most part.”

"I’m a hundred percent sure. No, no, a trillion percent. Trust me. As long as I can stay here with you and cuddle you and love you and be with you, I'll be happy. Forever. Five-ever." He poked your cheek cutely, and a smile finally broke out on your face, prompting a stunning smile from Mat as well. “I promise you.” He leaned in again and pressed his lips to yours, passionately and with a smile, knowing that finally, you were comfortable again. “And I’m a big boy, I can get myself off if I need to. Promise.”

“Mat!” You pulled back from him with a laugh.

“Hey, seriously! I don’t need you to do anything for me you don’t want to. I wouldn’t be a very good boyfriend if I forced you into stuff, would I? I’m completely fine going without, forever if I need to.” You buried your face in Mat’s chest, breathing in his cologne and soap, trying not to cry, this time not out of anxiety, but happiness. “I never want you to be scared to tell me anything, okay? I’ll promise you, I’ll always listen.” Mat squeezed his arms around you and lay back on the couch, pulling the blankets up around you and tucking you in tight against him. You snuggled down against him, your heart swelling with the absolute love Mat was willing to give to you. You couldn’t believe you were lucky enough to have him.

“Thank you so much.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I would never break up with you over something like that. Never. Now, how about we get back to the movie, huh? I’ve had enough serious talk tonight.”

“I love you, Maty.”

Mat smiled, his heart pounding against you. He smiled, knowing this was it for him. He smiled at the thought that he was lucky enough to call someone as amazing as you his person, his better half, the person he loved the most in the world. Sex wasn’t even a small price to pay. It meant nothing to him, sex wasn’t even on his mind, as long as he could stay in moments like these with you, forever. This was truly, honestly, all he needed.

“I love you too, baby. Unconditionally.”

#mat barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal imagine #nhl fanfiction #op #fic

153 notes · View notes

anemeraldknight · 4 years ago

Text

About Duke Cadash

I was “tagged” by @emerald-amidst-gold :p

Name: Duke Cadash

Alias: Herald, Inquisitor, Master Cadash (does this count?)

Gender: Male

Age: late thirties, I don't think I want to settle on a specific age (not just yet anyways); he’s a bit younger than Varric but only by a few years

Species: (surface) Dwarf

Zodiac: aquarius / aries / cancer / capricorn / gemini / leo / libra / pisces / sagittarius / scorpio / taurus / virgo / unknown

Abilities/Talents: Duke is an archer and I think he’s gonna specialize to be an artificer. Because of his background with smuggling and having to deal with all of that crap, he’s incredibly good at tracking and finding necessary things from around him in the wilderness. He’s also an absolute beast when it comes to card games, so Varric watch out.

{𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙}

Alignment: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true

Religion: Because his parents were cast out of Orzammar and thus Duke was born casteless and grew up as a surface dwarf, his parents still believed in the Stone and instilled this belief in him as well. He's not super into it or anything, keeps it to himself mostly and is not bothered with protecting the ideology too much. Also, working as part of the Carta taught him that it's very important to use every little piece of information/thing to your advantage, so that is why he won't denounce those who think he is the Herald because he knows that them believing it could benefit him and the Inquisition. He's only admitted that he thinks it's bullcrap to Blackwall thus far. To others he usually says that he doesn't know what he thinks.

Sins: envy / greed / gluttony / lust / pride / sloth / wrath

Virtues: charity / chastity / diligence / humility / justice / kindness / patience

Languages: Common tongue, a bit of Antivan. Idk yet

Family:

Friends: Best friends with Blackwall and Solas, will probably want to take Cole under his wing. He has growing feelings towards Cassandra but also Dorian so he is conflicted on what to do. Also has a bit of a crush on Josephine but he'll soon realize that they're not really that compatible so they'll end up as really good friends I'd say. He also gets on really well with the Iron Bull and Krem. Varric's also fine but Duke feels a bit weird about him because he finds out that Varric used to work against the Carta in Kirkwall so he feels a bit.... embarrassed about it? Just conflicted? Idk there’s something there anyways.

Sexual Orientation: heterosexual / bisexual / pansexual (panromantic) / homosexual / demisexual / asexual / unsure / other

Relationship status: single / dating / married / widowed / open relationship / divorced / not ready for dating/ (at the moment because he's just arrived at Skyhold so I'm not very far at all ╥﹏╥ )

Libido: sex god / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent

{𝑃ℎ𝑦𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙}

Build: twig / bony / slender / average / athletic / curvy / chubby / obese (a thick mann)

Hair: white / blonde / brunette / red / black / other

Eyes: brown / blue (very very light though, almost grey) / green / black / other (gold)

Skin: pale / fair / olive / light brown / brown / very brown / other

Height: he’s taller than Varric so uhh like 5′ ?

Weight: unknown

Scars: The most prominent scars are on the right side of his face, basically next to the nose on the cheek and then also a bit through his right eyebrow and above it. He has smaller scars all over his body because of his previous line of work, but the biggest one is on his left thigh where he once got shot with a crossbow bolt. He took a long long time to recover and the situation was pretty dire - luckily Duke managed to pull through though. It's still painful on most days though so he has to rub numbing ointment onto it before he goes anywhere, especially exploring. He doesn’t wanna let others see it though.

Facial Features: He has a very beautiful prominent nose and freckles all over his face from spending so much time outdoors. When you look at him head-on you can see that his nose is a bit crooked (to the right) because one time he broke it, it didn’t heal properly. He has hooded eyes but they’re pretty big and very long yet sparse eyelashes. Because he’s an oldd mann he’s also got quite a share of wrinkles and since becoming the Inquisitor he has developed dark circles underneath his eyes. He also has nice luscious lips ;) Oh! And he keeps his beard very clean and groomed. Every morning (if possible) he redoes the braids in it and combs it and stuff. He’s incredibly proud of it.

Tattoos: No tattoos. Even though he respects the Stone, he's very proud to call himself a surface dwarf and to him tattoos on dwarves, especially facial ones, only belong underground.

{𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑠𝑒}

Dogs or Cats? uhh neither :/

Birds or Hamsters?

Snakes or Spiders? (Duke is afraid of spiders, and I mean afraid)

Red or Blue? Yellow or Green? Black or White?

Coffee or Tea? Ice Cream or Cake? Fruits or Vegetables both?

Sandwich or Soup?

Magic or Melee?

Sword or Bow?

Summer or Winter? Spring or Autumn?

The Past or The Future?

{Tagging}

Literally anyone who wants to do this, it's really fun!! You won’t even have to tag me lol

#dragon age #duke cadash #miidragonage #personal #aaaaaaahh i love talking about my OCs so much asuhisfkjdfn i wanna do this for all of my Dragon Age characters noww #inquisitor cadash

5 notes · View notes

shiro-0197 · 4 years ago

Note

Oh bae grrr don't apologize!! I'm just glad your day was alright, and I hope you get some rest tonight!! My day was okay. I was just in front of my laptop since I had classes, and then I finally finished my slides, and had another leo meeting. My brother was a royal pain in the ass the whole day istg, but I'm fine now :) thanks for asking btw!!

Aww but that's so admirable! Gotta love teachers like that, haha. And I totally get that! That one uni I researched is probably the one I've set my eyes on. I've done EXTENSIVE research on it, so I don't want to set my sights on other places. What about you? Do you have any specifics for your future uni?

ikr?? He's just grandpa Kuroo to me istg. He's also an ENTP, and I vibe really well with ENTP's, so haha I think that'll also be cool.

I AGREE SOMUCH. Shōyō is just such a cute smol bean. He'd be the best little spoon, honestly. i agree thoo, they're all amazing characters, and probably would be so fun to hang out with 😭

that's actually pretty great!! I hope the cases come down to double or single digits soon!

oh nice!! And aaah I've heard A LOT about Russian food, it honestly sounds delicious. (I just love hearing people talk about food and culture. I could read/listen to them for hours istg). And aw that's such a cute story. I'm sure they were all really glad you introduced it to them. Confuzzled tho... Y-you don't like cottage cheese? :O

Yes you should be proud!! Today I was ready to kill my brother, then I saw your message(‼️) and I decided I could let him live a little longer, because I was busy reading it.

Ah yes!! Your country's flag colour too!! Tho the blue is such a pretty shade, it's like a teal? So pretty‼️💖💖💖. The Malaysian flag is just like an off-brand US one 😭🤚

and aw I'm glad I'm right! I only know one other person who has white as their favourite colour, and she's the best (Angel). So maybe both the cool people in my life like white xD my favourite colours are pink and yellow :>

Yes, why wouldn't they be? I cherish anything anyone makes for me, and especially you, because you're truly that special. Love you!! Sleep well, sweet dreams :))

—ari (gone back to signing my name with lame ol' Ari because I'm out of ideas. Also. I'm getting territorial over my nickname because at today's leo meeting there was this other guy also named Ari and we DID NOT vibe well grrr)

Hey hey!!! I know I answered like ... 24 hours late which sucks a lot, very sorry :(( I'm hoping your day went good today too!! Tell me about it?

Oh I'm glad you got the work done! Mind showing me a few slides? I'm curious hehe~ Also I'm going to have to detach your brother's ribs for bothering you, my apologies😁

Yeah!! They really make me feel like there is a reason to keep going. Like, at least to make them go "that's my student!!"😭

Well, since I got all the research done for me, I just mostly did research on what its actually like to be a translator, you know? I read through like 24 articles on both languages I know and I think I'm prepared xD I'm gonna look up the unis my teacher suggested soon though, and probably question some of the students because I'm desperate like that😝 Hopefully that'll pay off

Hehe, yea, the way he acts like he has seen life is adorable in a way. That's so cool though, imagine having the luck to have your personality match your favorite character's😭 I really wish I had an extroversion trait in my mbti xD I'd really need that ..

YES also you saying he'd be a little spoon made me want to cuddle him SO BAD I'm JSJDJWJDJ I want to give him a headpat and squish his little cheeks .....

Not gonna lie, I wish I could spend a year with one character each day. How cool would that be? You get a hang out and maybe learn something new. Then live in pain for the rest of your life because they wont be here anymore but that's nothing to worry about

I really hope so too!! Honestly this has been crazy. And the way everyone still refuses to cover up their nose... sometimes I wonder if it's ok to mock people who got COVID, cuz like, it's not always their fault, but when you saw that person without a mask before and now they're in the hospital, it's kinda funny, in a rude way. I'm an asshole, I know, I'm sorry😔

Yes yes, if you ever get the chance to try it, you should!!! I'm really sure you'll love it. You should try adding ketchup and mayo mix as well! It'll do magic

Oh no, I LOVE cottage cheese (mixed with sour cream and sugar..🥰🤤🤤), I just really hate it when its cooked or baked. Like ... that's it, its warm and so much soggier now. What have you done? You ruined it. Congratulations! You've lost my respect. Well, not you of course, anyone who cooks cottage cheese xD it's like water, it sucks when warm.

Awh what !!!!! That makes me so happy??!?!? I bring you that much joy you pass up on murder ?!?? That's a lethal strike ma'am were getting married again

Yeah!!! I also kinda like the symbolism. And the story. Which is an honor for this whole place because I really dont like this country xD dont ask why~ personal reasons. Though it's so much more peaceful than others, so that's also great hehe. The Malaysian flag is kinda funny now that you call it like that😭😭😭 I still think it looks cool though!! I'd call it "Asia's USA" but that would, uh, be more of an insult, considering the state (see what I did there? Haha states... haha) of the country right now😓

Welp, the purest people like the purest colors xD just kidding, we're all probably chaotic~ at least out of everyone I know, everyone with white as their favorite has done something no normal person would do (ex. One of the color-white-lovers I knew tried stealing 7 shopping carts😐 I really didnt believe him until he showed me the photo of the fine he got.) Pink and yellow are such a good combination🥺🥺 they're like peach and sunset and uhh... PB&J, if that counts? Peanut butter is now yellow, deal with it😔 Anyway they're really pretty, together or not !!! what's your favorite hue?

Daww... you're so sweet... I'm melting🥺🥺😭💕💕 just so you know I also created a separate album for the stuff you drew me <3

I hope you sleep well tonight!!! You deserve it after all♡♡♡

Dawwh😭😭 I know what it feels like. Sometimes people with your name embarrass themselves so much, it makes you embarrassing because you have the same name. It's not the situation you're in, but uh ... another example? xD I could change your tag to "Shortcake🍰💕" if you'd like😝

#Ari💕#i know you said not to apologize but #i mightve worried or frustrated you so😡#im very sorry!!!#i love you!!!#💕💓💕💞💞💝💓💖💞💖💕💝💓💖💕

1 note · View note