#uhh it is like 2 am so it is like the 9th of November and they had minecraft sex again.. 3 tines haha

[ylvaisawolf]

O could be wrong but

Late night thoughts caused me to think on Slime and Mariana

They give me the vibes of those 18 year olds who immediately get married out of school

As they are adults now (also some kid is probably on the way or something)

Then they regret it so they separate and get back together in a cycle

One day they say fuck it and split (not divorce it is a hassle)

Then years down the line as they matured they decide to try again ♡♡

Then they fall back into old habits but with more love... probably

Also give the vibes of a couple that have been married for 50+ years

Idk how they do it

[mrs--wheels]

Life lately (or, I am burdened with glorious purpose.)

So... haven’t talked about myself lately.  Don’t really have any other outlet in which to do that.  So here we go. I have been trying since March to get pregnant.  Uhh.... I am now pregnant.  Pretty crazy and can’t quite wrap my brain around it.  We had sexyfuntimes in mid-November and about a week later I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was pregnant.  It was impossibly early, a test would have been negative.  But I still had this *knowledge.* It was strange. This past Sunday I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  So I took another one.  And another one.  Positive, positive.  Called my doctor Monday, went for an HCG bloodwork Wednesday.  Called my doctor again Thursday for the results.... positive.  (Thursday December 3rd also happened to be the 9th anniversary of the first date I had with my husband, so that was pretty cool.) I go for an ultrasound when I am 9 weeks, which is New Year’s Eve.  I am dying of anticipation and anxiety right now.  Every tiny cramp I feel (totally normal by the way) I panic.  Every time I pee I worry I’ll see blood.  I am terrified of having a miscarriage and of ectopic pregnancy and of a million other things that can go wrong... I know the worrying is not good for me, but I can’t help it.  It’s in my nature. My husband and 2 of my coworkers are the only ones who know.  Our parents don’t know, neither does anyone in our family or any of our friends.  I want to wait until after the ultrasound to tell our parents.  Everyone else can wait until I’m out of the first trimester - late January.  My mom and dad are going to freak... they’ll be so excited.  I’m the only kid they got left, and therefore the only way they’ll get grandkids.  My husband has 2 nephews and a niece already, not that that makes it any less special.  No one thought we’d ever have kids.  Mostly because we spent years telling people just that.  The biological clock is real, folks.  Tick tock. I’m 35, I’ll be 36 when I’m due in August.  I’m a “geriatric pregnancy.”  Isn’t that a lovely term?  Also - high risk due to my history of bariatric surgery.  And at an increased risk of Downs Syndrome as my brother had it (and over 35 the risk increases as well.)  See how many times I typed the word “risk?”  This is why I’m freaking the fuck out. I honestly don’t want to leave my house, the Plague numbers are spiking like mad in my county and people are careless assholes.  I went to the grocery store at 6 am this morning to avoid crowds, and immediately came home and threw all my clothes in the wash.  And washed my hands like fucking Cher in Silkwood.  I am an “essential worker” so I have to go to work.  But my husband is working on a budget that will be able to let me be a stay at home mom and quit my job.  We’ll see if we can swing that, it’s just another layer of panic for me, honestly. The money thing.  I mean, even adjusting for inflation, we make a lot more than my parents did when my brother and I were young.  I don’t want to send the baby to daycare.  I want to raise my kid.  I figure if anything I may work part time until they start kindergarten.  Again, this is thinking waaaaayyy to far into the future.  I’m just trying to get through the next four weeks.....

[ivanaskye]

8+2 writing questions meme

@vardasvapors tagged me and I used doing this as a reward for dealing with airport security....

1. What are your current writing goals? Ohhh boy, okay, let’s see, I’ve got to get Šehhinah book 3 fully edited by March 9th, when I’m planning on publishing it … finishing drafting Evocation 3&4 … editing Evocation 2 … then editing the other Evocation books, obviously, once they’re drafted … outlining the series that takes place after Evocation … I think that’s as far as I have planned.  That should get me through some of the year!  Although let’s be real I probably haven’t even done cursory outlining of whatever I’ll be writing in November or whatever yet.

2. When did you first discover your love of writing? HAHAHAHAHA when DIDN’T I discover it.

Uhh ok no really … I learned how to read like really early and was always super into books.  “Book!  Book!” I apparently demanded of my mom like, all the time.  My physical ability to hold a pencil took longer to be a thing than my ability to read, and certainly longer than my ability to storytell, but there’s a whole collection of little stories I dictated to my mom as she wrote them down when I was three or four or so.  These include memorable lines such as “Yes, dear, a fire hydrant is very important” and “Buzzing! He couldn’t believe his eyes!” and “And then they drank all day and died.  This was a long time ago, when people used to do that sort of thing.”  There was also the story that ended in Pooh Bear and Piglet dying … and the one where Thomas the Tank Engine “took his medicine” and “didn’t do any bad things anymore” …

Not too long after those, there started being little things I’d write myself with pencil and paper.  For whatever reason the first that comes to mind is this song about winter (meant to be sung by Pooh Bear, obviously) which I think I wrote when I was six, that went “It’s snowing / it’s mowing / but I don’t mind // I’ve got furry furry fur to keep me warm and snuggly / because it’s winter!”  Gods, uh, I even still remember the tune for that actually.  Then again, I think I remember all the tunes of the bad songs I wrote as a kid.

Also by the way I still have basically all of this stuff.  I have like, a barely-even-started attempt at uh, a nonfiction book, bound by staples, about volcanoes … THE FREAKING FAIRY SLAVE STORY, involving a fairy enslaved by an evil witch at the age of six …

This kept ramping up in complexity until I was nine and decided that a good way to spend a three-week road trip would be to write an entire movie script.  Which I did; it was about sixty pages long once later typed up by my mom (these were the waning days before I really learned how to type), which by typical page-to-minute conversions for scripts, means it would have been about an hour long as a movie.  I did try to film it, and got partway through, but oh my Gods, that is a story for another time and this is already an essay and I’m only on the second question.

Keep in mind that on that same road trip I also attempted to start drawing several manga—most not making it past the third page—and did some Tokyo Mew Mew fanfic, and a number of other things besides …

Uhh anyway this brings us to March 9th, 2006, which is the “created on” date of my very first writing document on my computer!  It was four paragraphs long and terrible and I was a bit of a weeb, so the main character’s name was Subeteno Kakusei … there was this whole thing where like, she’d fight for Life in the daylight but switch personalities and fight for Death in the nighttime, but I got stuck and stopped writing when she asked, “and why is life bad?” and I couldn’t come up with the answer.  Uh.  Also this story itself was already a revamp of another story written on paper which had started out as a riff on Pokemon…

3. What motivates you to keep writing? UH WANTING TO REMAIN BREATHING, lmao.

No seriously though, that’s actually something I’ve said to people: “oh, yeah, I have to write every day, OR I WILL DIE.” And I mean??? I probably would?? Wtf is a not writing every day?  I mean, okay, yeah, I only started the daily thing at the beginning of 2016, but still…

Seriously though, writing makes me feel like myself, it’s kind of what I am…

4. How important is worldbuilding for your writing? VERY??? EXTREMELY??? A WHOLE BUNCH???? I absolutely 100% have to get the cosmology of a setting down before I can write in it.  It’s the most essential thing in my entire process and also the hardest.  That essential-ness is why I write secondary world stuff—I want to decide the cosmology Gods heck it!!  I get to display something, a possibility of something, that is good, where the world works in a way that feels right, where the very formation of how the world works including its magic system is supportive of people’s happiness.

The whole cosmology process requires heavy amounts of thinking and analyzing and even heavier amounts of believing in myself though, and I feel utterly exhausted after it every time.

For all the other parts of worldbuilding, I do better if I have it down ahead of time rather than expect myself to come up with stuff while drafting—because, lol, I won’t, I’ll make up a cool landscape if I give myself a minute to do it in outlining or worldbuilding but if I don’t have one when drafting, I will somehow just completely fail to come up with anything interesting at all.  But also, I like drafting way more than any other part of the writing process, so generally speaking I don’t worldbuild quite as much as I could or maybe should!

5. Pen on paper versus typing? Typing typing typing oh my Gods.

6. Favorite Author? OKAY UH … the obvious answer here is N.K Jemisin bc her most recent trilogy is perfect, and she has great subject matter AND a gorgeous writing style that’s just amazing, and, and.  But.  I don’t usually like to say someone’s my favorite unless I’m certain that the stuff they’re doing next is also going to be something I like, so I might defer Official Favorite Status to such a time as her next book is published!

In that case, the backup favorite would be Brandon Sanderson…

7. Something you do to get the creative juices flowing to write? Coffee.

But more seriously … to get the creativity flowing to write, I write.  It’s a habit.  There is no muse.  There’s no use in waiting for inspiration to strike.  You have to make it happen anyway.  You have to just keep going and believe, and believe.

(More generalizing than I would normally say, but I highkey feel this one…)

8. Do you write better at night, or first thing in the morning? Morning! This past month is the first period of time for two years where I’ve not felt like I’m dying if writing isn’t the first thing I do in the morning … if only because I trust I’ll end up doing it for three hours in the afternoon anyway.  I can pretty much write any time of day now but I’m most attuned to doing it in the morning.  With coffee…

9. How do you take your coffee/tea? Cappuccinos are very important to my lifestyle.  BY CAPPUCCINO, I specifically mean equal parts espresso, steamed milk, and foam—but the foam is mixed into the milk, it isn’t just spooned on top, so basically it’s foamy milk.  The drink should be approximately 8oz.  It includes two shots of espresso.  The most preferred types of espresso tend to be Ethiopian, but anything with a bright flavor is great (which still is very most often African beans, with Ethiopian almost always as the best!).

…So, ok, maybe I’m a little particular…

10. If you could only live with one season for the rest of your life, what would it be? I’d say summer except that in many ways nighttime is more important to me than the day and also I lived in Hawaii for the better part of 4 years and the constant heat was too much for me.  So uh.  Uhhh.

I do need a lot of sunlight though, and even more than that clear skies!  I need starlight!  And moonlight!  So any season where I can get those things, and where the temperature’s not too hot but not like horribly cold either.  (Of late, my cold tolerance has outpaced my heat tolerance, but it too has limits.)

Tagging @lcmawson, predictably.

[deadlylampshades]

Get To Know tag game

i was tagged by my mortal enemy @rewind-mp3 because we have a blood pact to rly do all tags so this is the get to know me tag game if you want to know anything else just doxx me

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 Blogs 

no

Questions: 1. Nicknames: my initals spell ASH so that’s definitely one, there’s also Ayeshacakes, Lizzie with my one friend, but honestly me and most of my friends just call each other binch or bitch tbh

2.Gender: female

3. Star sign: scorpiooooo

4.Height: 170cm, a Tol

5.Time: 3:22pm

6. Birthday: 9th November

7. Favorite bands: i’ll also go with non-kpop and as i’ve probably mentioned fore im seriously into metal so ayreon, epica, lacuna coil, delain, kamelot are main ones but i also love pvris, aesthetic perfection, starset and les friction

8. Favorite solo artists: marina and the diamonds, halsey, boy epic, lana del rey, hozier, demi lovato

9. Song stuck in my head: steal your heart by monsta x the true underrated jam from trespass

10. Last movie I watched: i’m fucking horrible with movies it’s been So Long sfjhfkdhaf i rly have no idea maybe the Room lmao?

11. Last show I watched: buzzfeed unsolved i literally only care about paranormal shows goodbye

12. When did I create my blog: this blog is five fucking years old she’s also a taurus so there’s that for you

13. What do I post: kpop + shitposts honestly

14. Last thing googled: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

15.Do you have other blogs: yes and it’s @sweetboyseungjun and it’s a knk blog and please follow it, it has 9 followers sahfashgfsda besides that i run incorrectmortalkombat with a friend and i also have hoarded enough urls to have david karp personally on my ass

16. Do you get asks: not really people @ me in dm’s and i support that tell me to fight in my face amen

17. Why did you chose your URL: i wanted a kpop url with minhyuk in it and there’s those iconic photos of minhyuk with a gun and it felt right amen 

18. Following: so it’s 799 but i also follow and unfollow blogs ALL the time like i deadass unfollowed someone once for saying they liked mayonnaise

19. Followers: this number literally changes hourly but right now it’s 860

20. Favourite colors: violet and turquoise

21. Average hours of sleep: between 6 - 7 it rly depends on how late i stay up lmao

22. Lucky number: it’s 8

23. Instruments: piano for four years!

24. What am I wearing: black shorts, purple shirt, butterfly earrings and nailpolish that is already chipping smh

25. How many blankets I sleep with: just one~

26. Dream job: evolutionary biologist if it’s referring to my career field lmao but if not then game writer

27. Dream trip: i rly want to do a worldwide cruise to Be Quite Honest because i love ocean and i also hate flying so it’s truly the best of both

28. Favourite food: i love butter chicken curry and thai green curry with all my life when it hits with jasmine rice yes that’s my everything

29. Nationality: i’m from south african and i’m indian like 100%

30. Favourite song right now: i just scrolled up and this is like the same QUESTION AS EARLIER uhh i guess that new 30 seconds to mars song walk on water lmao

i won’t tag anyone rn because i’m doing another tag later so watch out for that i guess adfhakjsf

[rakishlyregalrat]

For the numbered nice asks: 2, 3, 4, 5, 12, 16, 17, 21 (I know your age I just wanna know your birthday so...I can do something on that day), 28, 32, 36, 40, 53, 59 (I am so sorry that there's so many :'))

2. what would you name your future kids?

Definitely not like Abcde or Paisleigh but other than not doing the thing of adding fifty vowels I don't really know, I've mostly figured I'd probably adopt unless I had a partner(s) that I felt comfortable doing other ways with (still never giving birth but let's see what science can do too) so I figured if I had a kid or kids through adoption they'd probably already be named,,,

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss,,, all of my friends, I haven't seen them in weeks and I miss them so much

4. what are you looking forward to?

My last marching band season, my last band camp, my last solo at halftime

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@babeybeau

12. what is something you want right now?

@babeybeau 's hugs

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

There are many things I've wanted to say but kept my mouth shut, either because the timing wasn't right or I was too scared or I just didn't know how to say what I want

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them. Everyone, that's part of being human. People rarely notice them as much as you think. Try not to think about them so much, don't let them take over your life, but they'll still be there, that's just how we are.

21. age and birthday?

Well for the people that don't know despite it being at the top of my Tumblr, I'm 17, and my birthday is November 9th, and yes I turn 18 exactly 6 days after this year's election and yes I'm pissed

28. i’ll love you if…

You care about me. If you don't leave me behind or forget me. If you don't hurt me.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

My friends are mostly instruments

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Uhh,,, finish college & get a job,, get a beard,,,, uh,,,, having friends that I can hug and stuff

40. favourite memory

Planting roses with my grandma before she passed,,,

53. 5 things that make me happy

@babeybeau

My friends

Music

,,Making music,, uh

Nature

59. why i joined tumblr

I was on g+ for years and it was dying so I decided to figure out the place where all those screenshots came from,,,,

[v3xthar4v3r-blog]

Freshman Year: Drugs, Pain, Heartbreak, and Paint

I'll bet my freshman year was a million times crazier than yours. The average high school freshman is first embarking on love, sex, interests, and just finding themselves. I was a very different story. Everyone in the school knew Kat, be it for good reasons or bad. Here is the story of the craziest 9 months of my life I have and probably will ever experience.

Let's start at the beginning. For reference, I'm going into my sophomore year this fall; these events are all fairly recent, no matter how far away they seem in my head. Anyway, I wasn't even supposed to be in 9th grade this year. I'm 14, I was supposed to be in 8th. However, I was always really advanced throughout grade school and I felt like I was just learning the same thing over and over again, so my mom and I agreed that skipping a grade would be the best option for me. She and I walked into the doors at North Little Rock High on September 7th, 2016 and enrolled me as a freshman. Surprisingly enough, they let me in. I came back the next day and got my schedule, a tour, and then was sent off to class.

My first day was fairly painless. I went to every class like I was supposed to, met all my teachers, and got contact information from the few people I talked to that day. It was all really painless for the first month or so. Just the same routine every day, nothing out of the ordinary. No trouble, nothing wrong at all.

Aaaaand then I met.... let's call him Dick for this story. I'm not mean enough to give out real names. He was in my second period class. We'd never really talked, until one day he walked up to me and started a conversation. I was being my normal super sweet self to him of course. Anyways, the conversation gradually turned to drugs. I admitted to him that I'd never even tried weed, despite wanting to ever since I was 8. Suddenly, he pulled out a little nug of weed! In the middle of class! MADMAN!!!

That weekend, we all went to the mall. It was me, Dick, and another girl that he was friends with. When I asked what the plan was for that night, they told me they were gonna get me super fucked up. Of course I was down! I'd dreamed of smoking weed ever since I found out my dad smokes. Low and behold, I found myself sitting on the chick's couch a few hours later with her bubbler in my hand taking my first ever hit. AAH MY THROAT! *commence endless coughing session*

After a few more hits and a few shots, we decided to go to a skate park. I later learned that I laid in an anthill for 2 hours straight. I remember thinking that the ground was so comfortable and that the stars were so pretty! After we left there, we decided to go to a trail that overlooks all of downtown, including the river. (I still have yet to find that trail! I want to go back!) After sitting there for a while, we all decided to go back to... Jenny's house. (Obviously not a real name for privacy) When we got back, we decided to hotbox her closet. Oh god. That was such a bad idea. We all climbed into the closet and spent a good hour just smoking each other out. By the time we got done I wasn't in reality anymore at all. I'll be completely honest , my memory fades out pretty much completely here, but I'll try to recollect as much as I can. I have flashes of just laying on the floor staring at the ceiling, then suddenly I was in the bathroom giving Dick a blowjob. I had no idea how I'd gotten there and I stopped to lay on the bathroom floor, but he got really mad and guilted me into finishing. When I left, Jenny's aunt was screaming at me about how much of a dirty whore I was and telling me that if she ever saw me again she'd beat the shit out of me. This night was what started everything.

The next few weeks were uneventful, aside from a relationship between myself and a boy named Dave beginning and blossoming over that time. I desperately wanted to get high again, but very rarely stumbled across any form of marijuana. That is, until I met... let's call her Cherry. Cherry and I were in band together, but we'd never really talked. To be honest, I don't really remember how we started talking, but we became fast friends. She had a lot of connections, so we used to hang out after school pretty much every day to smoke.

We continued this trend for a few months, both of us gradually caring less and less about school and more and more about drugs. My relationship with Dave gradually fell apart because of my obsession with drugs and lack of care for anything else. By the time he and I broke up, I had no idea what was right and what was wrong. I'd done so many bad things to him. I really regret everything I did. I fucked with his head so much. But, at the time it didn't matter. Nothing mattered as long as I was high out of my mind.

Timestamp: we've gotten to about November. I was talking to another guy shorty after Dave and I broke up. Thing is, I still had really strong feelings for him. To the point that when we saw each other and he was with his new girlfriend, I legitimately tried to gouge her eyes out, and probably would have at least done some damage had it not been for Jacob holding me back. Now, Jacob's name I'm not going to hide. Jacob Sharp is a backstabbing asshole and I'd honestly give anything to see him 6 feet under. Anyway, he and I didn't last long. He always wanted sex, no matter how much I didn't. I just ended up giving in and giving him what he wanted.

Eventually I came to my senses and ended things with Jacob. Dave and I had become really good friends over this time. We'd hang out all the time and paint together. It was actually a really good time in my life. He ended up setting me up with one of his friends, sparking a half-ass relationship that lasted about a month. No further details are really necessary on that.

Back to Cherry! She and I had been really good friends and smoke buddies this whole time. One night, we were both in a band concert. After our portion of the performance, she and I decided to sneak out of the stage and explore the building, since it wasn't the one we had all of our classes in. Eventually, we stumbled across the construction area. Naturally, we scanned everywhere for loot. We managed to pick up a bottle of yellow spray paint and a bottle of black spray paint. And what do you do when you find spray paint and are surrounded by walls? TAG! TAG LIKE THE WIND!!!

Of course, we received the consequence of our actions the next day. The school just couldn't ignore a giant mural in their courtyard with a giant weed leaf on it. I'll never forget the principal coming to my 4th period class to get me personally. From the redness in his cheeks, I knew what this was about. When we reached his office, I was greeted by our school police officer sitting on the far right side of the room and Cherry sitting in the chair next to the one assigned to me. As expected, he informed us why we were there. To make it as painless as possible, we just nodded our heads and listened to our punishment. 10 days of out of school suspension, a $350 dollar bill from the school, and an assignment to the alternative court program our school offers that gives less severe punishments and keeps everything off of your record. Thank god for that program.

Timestamp: December 31st, 2016, almost New Year. I was supposed to be having a party. It was going to be fun! Everything was planned out, we had a bunch to drink and smoke, everything was going to work out! But, of course, the world hates me and everything went wrong. Cherry got sick, Dave (who was dating cherry at the time) was freaking out, everybody was either fighting or passed out, everything was just fucked. Fuck that party.

A few days after the New Years disaster, everything was back to normal. Well, normal from our perspective. Cherry and I had started trying new drugs and smoking all the time, even skipping school. However, this was routine to us. We didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

One day, she and I met in the bathroom after 1st period to pop some adderall before class. That was such a mistake. We ended up having to leave campus because I could barely keep myself from literally punching everybody in the face. That was the day she and I got caught off campus. The school cop, who already knew us from the tagging incident, brought us back to school where we received our punishments. Only this time it was different. That goddamned drug had messed me up. I had a complete breakdown in front of the administrators, to the point where they actually felt bad for me and told me I didn't have to go back to class. Later that day I was admitted to a mental hospital. Nothing new for me, considering I'd been there twice before.

When I was discharged, I returned to school like normal. Everything was going great, until I started hanging out with, uhh, John. John was a horrible influence, but I was okay with it. See, John is your model Juggalo. Running around with a hatchet screaming shit, popping pills, practically inhaling faygo, you know the image. I'd spend weeks at a time at his house. I didn't go to school at all, I popped things that I couldn't even identify, I tagged all the time, everything your model bad kid does. I think my absence count got up to about 23.

Eventually I stopped hanging out with John all the time, although I still was quite frequently. One of the times we were hanging out, we decided to go to my dealer's house for some weed. Now, my dealer is a really suspicious person. He doesn't like strangers. Knowing this, I had him stay outside. Haha. Big mistake. When I got inside, I sat down to wait for him to bring my my product. A chick who was visiting him joined me and pulled out her meth pipe. She looked up at me and told me not to tell anyone. After assuring her I wouldn't talk, she offered me a hit. Of course me, being the idiot I am, took it. I tried meth.

The way back to John's house was a blur. I was superman! It felt like I was barely moving as when I was running full speed. Jesus Christ it was insane. When we got back, I settled down and stared at a tree for 3 hours straight.

The week following was honestly really hard. I was going through a lot of emotional stress because of this one person I was talking to. I really wanted to get my hands on more of those sweet sweet hard drugs.

Eventually, I realized what I was becoming. What I was doing to myself. I tried really hard to straighten myself up. I started going to every class every day, trying to reconnect with everyone I'd fucked over this year, and I even started drawing again. That felt so good. I hadn't actually drawn something in months. I rode out the rest of the school year in peace.

And that's where the story of my freshman year ends. I have no idea how any of this happened, but I know it did. All of these experiences have really opened up my eyes. I'll be honest. I'm still really struggling with staying away from all of my bad habits, but I think I'm doing okay. No doubt this year was one of the most memorable experiences in my life, and I sincerely hope it never repeats itself.