#uh oh here's my favourite married lesbians

[kulturegroupie]

Jimmy Page and Robert Plant at Sanremo Festival, March 12, 1998.

[raewritesfiction]

The Deputy [Jeremy Renner]

A/N: I watched the video for “Trouble” by Pink and it gave me this idea. Still…. ACAB. I know he plays the Sheriff in the video but for this he’s the Deputy! Also the daughter’s name was picked at random via a Google generator.

Plot: You’re locked in a cell in the Wild Wild West but Deputy Renner has a soft spot for you.

Pairing: Deputy! Jeremy Renner x Female!Reader

Warnings: Smut. Sex worker. Lesbianism. Unsafe sex. Handcuffs.

[[ Lemme know if you wanna be added or removed from tags; no questions asked ♥️ likes are amazing however I really appreciate Reblogs to help spread my writing further! Thank you 🌈😘]]

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—

You sigh loudly just to piss off the Sheriff as he goes off duty and switches with his Deputy; you blow the man in charge a kiss “say hello to Scarlett for me!”

“That bitch stays put!” He says to the Deputy and walks out mumbling under his breath.

You’d get nowhere with the Sheriff but the Deputy…. Deputy Renner had a soft spot for you since you came to town and you were more than willing to use your own soft spot to your advantage.

The Deputy smiles at you behind the cell bars and shakes his head “ma’am… just what did you?”

“Hello Deputy Renner.” You wink “well… it seems I was caught stealin’ from a client… the thing is it was the heart of the Sheriff's daughter I stole…and he don’t like that none.”

Deputy Renner nods “uh huh…”

“The Sheriff wants Scarlett to marry some big wig in the city. Business type…. So he’s sending her off tonight on the last train of the day.”

“Well ain’t that a pickle?!” He grips onto the bars and flexes his biceps.

“Ain’t it just? I would very much like to leave and see her off… but it seems that I am stuck here in cuffs.” You pout and flutter your lashes at the Deputy.

“I would very much be obliged if you could let me out and although the sheriff took all my coins I can pay in a different way.”

Deputy Renner raises an eyebrow “I see…” re-adjusting his cowboy hat as he walks to the door of the cell you were in. “And how would you pay ma’am?”

“Well I know how badly you’ve been trying to get to my room at my… lodgin’s… but it seems I am always very busy with other clientele. Maybe I could forgo payment just this once to give you a very private experience right here?”

Deputy Renner smirks and licks his lips “well, the sheriff is gone until mornin’… but what do I tell him then?”

“You tell him I slipped my cuffs with a hair pin while you were taking care of business and then escaped my cell the same way… and you’re not in the habit of manhandlin’ a lady like that.”

“Well you have this all thought out don’t ya?” His hand was already unlocking the cell door for you.

“Yes sir, I most certainly do.” You smile and stand, flashing him your most seductive smile.

“You clean…?” He watches you.

“I sure am, it’s why my price is so high.” You nod “my clientele is very select.”

The Deputy nods and motions for you to step out towards him whereupon he guides you back towards the Sheriff’s desk “this would piss him off so badly…”

You nod “in which case I am all for it… and if it’s your thing… you can leave me in the cuffs.”

“Oh I am definitely leavin’ you in the cuffs until we’re done.” The Deputy nods and makes light work of undoing your bodice; it was re-stitched multiple times but it was still a firm favourite of your clients due to the way it made your tits so pronounced.

The Deputy licked his lips at the sight of your bare chest and his hands moved to massage and tease you, watching your nipples harden under his touch. You let out breathless moans and gasps; his name escaping you when his lips close around your nipple and suck lightly before switching to the other side.

You shuffle your legs and squeeze his hips with your thighs “please Deputy Renner…”

“So polite ma’am… I’m not so much when it comes to matters of pussy…” his hands glide up your legs and move the layers of skirts until he gazes at you “well look at that pretty pink pussy… I was almost expecting it to be made of gold the way other men and women talk about it.”

You blush and smile, leaning into his ear and speaking quietly “feels like silk, so I’m told…”

The Deputy moans low and reaches between your legs, sliding his fingers over you until they were slick and then pushing them into you with ease. You throw your head back and moan quietly; you had mastered the art of making the right noises at the right times but the way the Deputy moved his fingers inside you felt like he knew how to please a lady; curling and scissoring, thrusting them slowly then speeding up until you were whining against his ear and rocking your hips to his hand for release. Something you usually had to do for yourself between clients.

He withdraws his fingers and licks them clean, humming and closing his eyes “so sweet…”

You lean panting against him and nibble on his earlobe, wanting nothing more than to touch him but being bound by the cuffs behind your back.

Deputy Renner makes quick work of his belts and pants; pushing them down to free his hardening cock. “Want me to help?” You whisper and nip again.

“On your knees…” he commands

You drop down and open your mouth ready for him, your tongue peaking out over your teeth. His cock tastes a little salty, surely better than most of your clients and you bob your head as you suck along his length, taking little time to feel him harden fully.

“You’re over qualified for this…” he breathes and holds the edge of the desk “get up!” He groans and moves your skirts as you position yourself on the desk again; his hand grips your hip while the other guides his cock into you with ease, “God damn you really do feel as soft as silk…” he groans and pulls you down his length fully, both hands now gripping your hips.

You steady yourself and tighten around him in pulses to tease; a little something that drove other clients wild. The Deputy moans and gasps “keep doing that…” he starts thrusting into you and you’re glad the desk is against a wall for stability; his thrusts are rough and deep but he’s not hurting you like others who do the same. He keeps the pace measured and steady, your pussy coating his cock in your arousal until you’re both a panting mess.

The Deputy watches your tits move on every thrust, mesmerised by their sight and the way your body reacts to him. He watches your nipples harden into sensitive nubs and leans down to suck on them in turn making you whine and moan. Actual moans; you didn’t have to fake anything for the Deputy as he speeds up his hips and reaches to tease your clit - he wasn’t just about his own pleasure. You tightened and relaxed your walls around him as best you could and arched towards him as his teeth scraped over your nipple.

“Oh fuck!” You moan and pant quickly, violently tightening around his cock and pulling him into you with the force of your release. The Deputy grunts roughly and has enough thought to pull out of you, wrapping his hand around himself and jerking himself roughly, moving back as you fall to your knees and throw your head back again. After only moments you feel his hot cum on your bare tits, where his lips had been just seconds ago. His moan is rough and full of pleasure he’d been wanting to release; his jaw was lax and eyes tight shut and his chest heaving.

After a few of minutes, The Deputy is uncuffing you and watching you re-dress yourself.

“Come by anytime and tell them I sent you; I’ll make sure you get a good deal on any lady you like… and I’ll be sure to always have time for you, Deputy.”

He nods and offers a smile “Thank you ma’am… you’d better get running if you’re gonna catch her.”

You nod and leave to the sound of Renner sighing and thanking God.

-Fin-

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Fic: Winging It

Fandom: Triple Frontier

Ship: Frankie Morales x Jay ‘Lady’ Ray

Warnings: A bit of language and lots of cute baby stuff. Parental insecurities. Mostly just fluff with no plot. Dad!Frankie and Mom!Lady.

Summary: Lady doesn't like mommy and me class very much.

Words: 1,535

A/N: I don't know, I just wanted to have a moment with my favourite lovebirds and their spawn. Frankie x Lady masterlist.

”Uh! Gah!”

Jay laughs a little at the sight of Alma, six months old, doing frustrated push-ups on her play blanket while trying to reach for the red ball which, of course, gets pushed further away from her.

”Damn that fucker, right? Here you go, baby.” Jay rolls to ball back to the baby, who grabs it and proceeds to trying to stuff it into her tiny mouth. That doesn’t work, either, so she drops it, and it rolls away again. Not really having figured out how to crawl just yet, Alma reaches for the ball, almost gets it, but pushes it away even further, then watches in disbelief and disappointment while trying to move after it. Jay expects the baby to start crawling any day now but so far, Alma’s only wagging her lower body from side to side, unable to figure out that she actually needs to move her legs to get anywhere.

”Ah!!” Alma’s exclamation is filled with frustration.

”Come on, honey, you can do it,” Jay tries to encourage her dark-haired daughter. Alma pumps her upper body up and down, stares angrily at the ball, and yells, before slumping down onto her stomach, face in wrinkles.

”You get that from your dad,” Jay sighs. She gives the ball back the Alma, who happily examines it, quiet for a moment. Jay leans against the couch, keeping an eye on the kid but also taking the opportunity to enjoy not having to entertain her, even if only for a minute. God knows that’s all she’s done for months until she picked up her studies and working part-time two months ago.

She wasn’t sure what she thought motherhood would be like: would it come to her naturally or would she struggle with it, loath to be so chained to her gender and the role that came with it? She’s never been good at being a woman and what that entails, never wanted the epithet that so often seemed to follow her around in the army.

She’s lucky to have Frankie. He understands this part of her and lets her be who she is. Being together with him has definitely made her accept her womanhood in a whole new way, and she knows that she would never have had kids with anyone else but him. Frankie adores the baby and is just as hands-on with her as Jay expected. Being a mother is hard, she moves from one extreme to the other: immense pride at how well she is handling being a mother, and constant anxiety about not being a good enough mother. Frankie definitely makes the experience easier and it helps to know that he’s just as worried about his capabilities as a father.

The front door opens and closes and shortly after, Frankie shows up in the living-room. Alma drops the ball at the sight of him and gives a happy little shriek.

”Hey, chiquita!” Frankie crouches by the girl and lifts her up, hoisting her in front of his face, giving her a big kiss. Alma giggles in delight, arms flailing.

”How’s mamacita?” Frankie turns to Jay and gives her a kiss as well. She tastes a little sweat on his upper lip; it’s a warm, sunny day.

”So-so. We went to mommy and me group.”

”How was that? Are they still boring as shit?”

Jay’s had a hard time connecting with the other mothers, or at least some of them: they do not share values or opinions about child rearing, and boy, do those women have opinions.

”The Stepford wives are, well, the same Stepford wives,” Jay shrugs. “I suspect they think I’m a lesbian.”

“Excuse me, what?” Frankie stares at her. “Haven’t you told them about me?”

“Well, not as such. They keep bitchin’ about their husbands – seriously, why do people get married and have kids when it’s so obvious they shouldn’t even be together because all they do is nag? – and how they never help out. I said I’ve never had that problem with my partner, we do everything together.”

“Yeah, I wonder where they got the idea from.” Frankie rolls his eyes.

“I’m not calling you my boyfriend.”

“I’ve told you there’s an easy fix to that, we’ll just get hitched,” he shrugs, bouncing Alma on his thigh.

“And I’ve told you no,” Jay tells him patiently, not having this discussion again. She smiles at Alma, so happy in Frankie’s arms, and then glances up at Frankie again.

“Should I grow out my hair?”

“So you wouldn’t look like a lesbian?” he asks pointedly. “Nope. If you want to do it to try how you’d like longer hair, then yes, why not?”

“Would you like it if I had longer hair?”

“Jay, what’s all this? You never cared what I thought about your hair.” Frankie scoots closer, cradling Alma on one arm and sliding the other around Jay’s shoulders.

“I guess I only today realized that it’s just not about me,” she confesses, leaning a little against Frankie. “Everything I do affects Alma. Every snooty mom who looks down on me because I’m not like her is capable of denying Alma a friend to play with.”

“True,” Frankie agrees, “but do you really want our girl to play with kids whose parents are absolute idiots?”

“It’s not like we can conduct interviews with the parents every time she wants to play with someone in the park,” Jay points out with a weak smile. Frankie grins back.

“She’s six months old, baby. Just relax. We’ll figure it out along the way, okay?”

“So we’re winging it, just like we’re winging everything else with this kid?” Jay jokes lightly, thinking of the stacks of books on parenting and developmental psychology she’s read to prepare herself for this life-long commitment.

“I’m a pilot, I’m used to winging it.”

“Oh my God, you’re so funny!” Jay sighs deeply and makes a gun with her hand, putting it to her own temple and pretending to pull the trigger. Frankie shakes his head and looks down on Alma.

“My comedic genius is wasted here, chiquita. I can’t wait for you to be big enough to appreciate it.”

“You’re going to be the king of dad jokes.”

“Obviously.”

Frankie tickles Alma’s tummy, drawing a laugh from her, then looks back at Jay.

“Don’t grow out your hair,” he tells her softly, “unless you want to, of course. I like your hair. It’s so you.”

Jay smiles and passes her hand over her short-cropped hair. Had it been naturally curly, like Frankie’s, it would coil at her ears and the nape of her neck by now. But it’s straight and she’s overdue for a trim.

“Thanks, baby,” she tells him quietly, happy and grateful for his never-ending support. He nods, then frowns a little, as if a thought just occurred to him.

“Maybe I need to go to the next mommy and me group. Set those women straight.”

”They’d lose their shitif a dad showed up there, especially a hot dad like you,” Jay winks at him. ”Tell them I’m at the gym, they’ll love that. But don’t freak out: those of them who talk the most about how cute their babies are, have the most ugly-ass kids I’ve ever seen.”

She makes a face and then looks down at Alma, who’s making little sounds now, restless on Frankie’s arm.

”I’m so happy we managed to make a baby that’s actually cute.”

”With a mom like you, she has to be cute,” Frankie replies, leaning towards Jay for a kiss. She smiles and meets him halfway, lips separates so she can suck his lower lip, the little patch of facial hair right underneath the lip tickling her skin.

The kiss is interrupted by an angry shout from Alma, who is done with cuddles with dad. Frankie puts her down on her back and she proceeds to immediately turning onto her tummy and once again doing a pushup, clearly aiming for the red ball again. Her tiny brows furrow in frustration as she voices her unhappiness.

”Still struggling?” Frankie asks with a tender smile as he watches his daughter try to figure out crawling.

Jay nods. ”And that goddamn ball isn’t taking any orders.”

”She’s close, though.” Alma's almost getting up on her knees, but does not seem to be aware of it: she’s so focused on reaching her chubby arms forward she’s not realizing that she could use a boost from behind.

”It’s a good thing she’s cute, because she’s not that bright,” Jay scoffs, just as Alma emits a loud shriek and jump-starts in an unexpected engagement of her legs, and bounces forward just a couple of inches. It’s not enough to reach the ball but she seems to understand that she did get closer, because she’s flailing her arms in excitement. Frankie and Jay stare at her, both perplexed.

”Well... she shut me up,” Jay finally admits. Frankie rolls the ball towards Alma, who grabs it and then, quite neatly, spits up on it. She looks surprised, and raises her gaze to her parents.

”Wah-wah!”

Jay hands Frankie the burp cloth and stands up.

“Entertain the spawn, Morales. I'm gonna get dinner started.”

[nymph1e]

Okay fuck it, I gotta give in, I gotta watch through Supernatural. AFAIK, it's all on Netflix; at least I saw it on there in passing. Going into this, is there anything I should be aware of? Are there any episodes I should skip, any seasons? Should I start from season 4? I know the basic plot and concept, and I know it's very monster-of-the-week. But aside from me highkey shipping Destiel already, that's all.

Well my first piece of advice would be

but uh, let’s fucking ~GO~

If you’re actually jumping into this hellhole (why why why) don’t start at season 4. It’s tempting, but seasons 1-3 are some of the best shit in the whole show, also having context for Sam and Dean’s characters, and their relationship with the supernatural up to season 4 really highlights how fucking wild the introduction of angels is in the show. it’s basically a complete paradigm shift.

I would recommend you watch seasons 1-5 basically as is, though if you’re in a rush, season three is kinda skippable as long as you read a general synopsis. This is the original arc of the show and it shows. A friend of mine, @sammwinchestersdimples​ has said she’d have been fine if the show had ended there, and I can totally see her point. After season five things start to get... uhhhhh... not as good. THAT BEING SAID some really amazing seasons come later, and you’d get nowhere NEAR the Full Destiel Experience without them. What REALLY sucks is that all the seasons have good moments in them, so even if the seasons are generally bad, they’ll have episodes of GOLD. But fuck it, here’s a season-by-season breakdown.

Season 6 - This is the first... “eh” season. There’s a lot of character choices made in this one that I don’t like. The plot also doesn’t quite seem to know what to do with itself and it has no real main villain... or I guess it has a twist villain? This is also the season where they start chucking in the typical “no homos” you get when a show is queerbaiting, so they can point to the no homo bits and claim the queers are delusional.

Season 7 - The absolute WORST season, imo, is season 7, and it features Cas the least out of all the post season 4 seasons. You can tell the writers genuinely tried to write Cas off here. Not to mention the main plot is completely stupid. HOWEVER this is the season where we get golden things like Cas showing up to Dean’s prayer naked and covered in bees, and the episode where Charlie (best girl) is introduced and Dean subsequently has to flirt with a dude because she, a lesbian, cannot. (Wow so straight, Dean)

Episodes Not To Skip:

6x03 - A good Cas/plot episode (spot the famous destiel quote)

6x04 - A good all-round episode, also Jackles directed it so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6x09 - This is one of the Batshit Episodes. Definitely watch.

6x10 - On the one hand, Cas episode. On the other, no homo, megstiel episode. Your choice.

6x11 - Good episode.

6x15 - THE ULTIMATE META EPISODE. Sam and Dean are teleported into Jared Padelecki and Jensen Ackles’ lives on the set of Supernatural and it is so batshit.

6x17 - Jolly good episode, and nice destiel content.

6x18 - Time travel episode, which is always fun.

6x19 - “Baby in a trenchcoat.” ‘Nough said.

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King is the destiel episode. It is infamous in the fandom, and for good reason. It’s not just a good destiel episode, but one of the best episodes in the series. With banging lines like “Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.” and “For a brief moment, I was me again.”

6x21 & 6x22 - The last two episodes are kind of must-watches after TMWWBK, trust me.

Episodes Not To Skip:

7x01 & 7x02 - follows on from s6 final. You don’t wanna skip.

7x05 - Good general episode

7x06 - Again, good general episode. Sets ups plot for the season.

7x08 - Ugh. So the A plot for this episodes invoves Becky, the insane, stalker, fandom-insert character, roofie Sam into marrying her (and it’s heavily implied they have sex - and it’s treated as a joke despite being LITERAL RAPE). BUT this is the episode where Garth is introduced and Garth is fucking amazing. So. IDEK.

7x10 & 7x11 - Plot important.

7x12 - Time travel episode! See if you can catch the bi!dean moment ;)

7x17 - Cas is back! Or is he???

7x18 - GARTH EPISODE

7x20 - CHARLIE!!!! WATCH THIS EPISODE!!!!

7x21 - Cas episode. It’s... interesting.

7x22 - The tagline for this episode is “Sam and Dean seek out an Alpha” 😭. It’s a Cas episode.

7x23 - If Cas weren’t in this episode I’d say skip it.

Season 8 - A fantastic season. If The Man Who Would Be King is the destiel episode, season 8 is the destiel season. When you watch this, DM me so I can RANT about all the amazing destiel this season. It’s also, again, a great season in general I remember watching it as it was airing it was soooo good. You have the arrival of the Bunker, you have Kevin and Charlie being awesome, some nice sprinkles of batshit episodes, BEST BOY BENNY rocks up in all his glory. Fucking epic season. Only downside it Sam’s character takes a bit of a dive. I’d recommend you watch through all of this season.

Episodes To AVOID:

7x13 - I literally pretend this stupid fucking episode doesn’t exist. Basically Dean impregnates a woman with Super Pregnancy and she has a daughter who becomes an adult within hours and then dies. The end. Everyone hated it. Man fuck this episode. Of course it was written by Buckleming.

Season 9 - Sadly, after how amazing season 8 was, and how spectactularly season 9 was set up, this season is a disappointment. It’s an ok season. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s just a bit all over the place.

I was going to give you the normal episode list to not skip, but looking through, most episodes this season should be watched for one reason or another. Either they’re Cas heavy, they do some interesting character building, or they feature one of the awesome side characters like Charlie or Jody.

This season is probably the height of the war in the writers’ room about destiel. Some writers want to no homo the whole thing and back way off, while other writers want to lean into it hard. So in the same season where SPOILER Cas loses his virginity to a random reaper woman and Dean kicks Cas out of the bunker to fend for himself, you also have Cas’ fatal flaw used as propaganda against him by Metatron being that he’s "in love” with humanity Dean. /SPOILER Whatever you do DON’T SKIP THE FINAL FEW EPISODES. TRUST ME.

Season 10 - Haha oh dear. This season is likely the biggest for wasted potential. You saw the end of season 9, right? You go “HOLY SHIT YES LET’S DO THIS” and then they do... season 10. They really became experts at setting up an awesome season only to fuck it up in delivery, right? Again, not a bad season, per se.

Episodes To AVOID:

9x05 - In which Dean wants to fuck a dog. I am not joking. I wish I were. Basically a spell-gone-wrong makes Dean doglike. it’s weird. it’s batshit. Not the good kind.

Season 11 - Season 11 is a pretty good season! They tried to give Dean a female love interest but Jackles said  ✨No✨ and played Dean as brainwashed and uncomfortable the whole time and I love him for it. Of special note this season is the episode Baby (11x04), which is my favourite episode in the series! It’s funny, it’s heartwarming, it’s weirdly shot. I love it! We also get casifer this season which is awesome! Some episodes are skippable, but they’re generally good episodes.

Episodes NOT to Skip (ignore the 10 year special):

10x01 & 10x02 - Great episodes, Dean in this is *chefs kiss*.

10x04 - *sighs* Fan Fiction. A 200th episode that is simultaneously a love letter to fans and laughing in fans’ faces. I’ve never liked this episode for the second-hand embarressment of it all, but you should watch it and see if you like it.

10x06 - Pretty good episode.

10x07 - Jody AND Donna! Fantastic episode!

10x08 - Dadstiel rears his ugly head. I fucking love how Cas adopts two (2) kids over the course of the series and in both cases Dean eventually goes “ah fuck, I guess I gotta co-parent this thing”. Also we get some KILLER destiel this episode. hey go on a DATE and Cas tells Dean he’s a good person ^_^

10x09 - Good episode. Much destiel.

10x10 - Charlie episode!

10x11 - Teen!Dean! Need I say more?

OK so I just had a look, and you really just need to watch every episode from this point in the season on. Enjoy!

Season 12 - Another example of a TERRRIBLE season, is season 12. Season 12 is also one of the most destiel-heavy seasons in the show. You see the issue? Like, it’s got a stupid plot that makes no sense and has no fucking cohesion, but you also FINALLY have the writers going “fuck it” and all in on the destiel. After this point Dean never has another non-Cas love interest and vice versa, they stop giving us whiplash from baiting and no-homoing. IF the conspiracy theory is true, and the end of the show is shit because of executive meddling, this season is the one where the writers decided they were gonna push for destiel endgame.

I gotta tell you the truth, I skipped this season in my rewatch, so all of my memories are from years ago when it first came out. This seson was the last that I watched live (for a reason). Should you skip it? No. But I’m not well informed enough about this season that I can point out what episodes you should or should not watch.

Season 13 - Congratulations! You’ve reached the point where the show’s gotten consistently good again! (just in time for most of the audience to have already left lol). We start off with SPOILERS Dean mourning Cas like he’s lost the will to fucking live. I’m talking complete despondence, praying for Cas to come back, lashing out in anger at everything, one of the darkest points we’ve ever seen him at on the show, then pulling a 180 and being super happy the second Cas comes back. /SPOILERS They also introduce Jack, who is the SECOND child Cas decides to adopt and Dean ends up co-parenting (Sam too). In fact, Jack is explicity Sam, Cas, and Dean’s kid.

Season 14 - Another good one. My only issue is where they decided to take the plot at the end of the season. I’d recommend watching it all, regardless.

Season 15 - And so we’ve come to the end of the line. This season was... well it was actually pretty good. It started off with what we hellers lovingly refer to as the “divorce arc” where Cas and Dean have a big blow up, and Cas leaves, but that ends with Dean praying on his knees for forgiveness and a nice hug. Honestly this season you can cut the tension between the two of them like a knife, and you can tell Misha and Jensen were doing it deliberately.

I’d say watch up until 15x18, then you decide what to do with the last two episodes. If you want you can watch them to understand just why people put their conspiracy theory hats on, or you can send me another ask and I’ll rec you some post 15x18 finale fics! There’s one fic that’s a replacement for 15x20 written in script format that is particularly good.

Anyway that’s it. It’s kind of left me a little sad, to break down the show in this way. Especially coming up to season 15 nd remembering all the wasted potential. Honestly if you do decide to watch the show, good luck. I hope you enjoy it. I’m also glad you never had to be put through the bullshit false hope that came about after 15x18.

[liathgray]

im arospec/asexual and i am LIVING for ur aroace ed headcanons how does it feel to have a galaxy brain this is the best shit ever. if you have any more hcs then :eyes: -sgb

*KICKS DOWN YOUR DOOR* GOOD EVENING GAMERS AND GAYS WE HAVE MORE HEADCANONS!!!

- Ed, as a child, totally not understanding why people are so weird about girls. Like. Tf do you MEAN you have a crush on her??

- this evolves into a wittle Child Ed who is very openly affectionate with any and all friends! Particularly Winry cause of course and sadly this is where the teasing starts up

- But lets ignore that! I implore you to imagine a happy, pre-mother-death Ed who can and will tackle-hug someone. Two foot nothing Ed who sees nothing wrong with braiding his friends hair or saying i love you!! YOUNG ED BEING AFFECTIONAT—

- after Trisha passes away he gets more closed off about it though.

- His first exposure to a relationship, well and truly, was Sig and Izumi. And he’s just. ??? Ma’am?? He’s your friend. Yall act like friends. Do you MARRY friends? Help

- years in the military were the strangest cause Ed would get teased CONSTANTLY. Mostly by Havoc

- Havoc you poor poor fool. He is basically canon fodder for Ed’s jokes once he’s out. All those years of being a bit of a ✨dick✨ are earning him a metric fuckton of clowning from Ed

- and theres also the guilting factor. Ed will bring up all those times whenever he wants shit. Havoc, your penance walk shall never cease.

- Ed never actually tells Pinako. She wasn’t present for when he was like “oh guess what” to his other friends. He mentions it briefly and she freezes up for a sec before like. EXPLODING. “??? For how long??” “Why didnt you tell me??”

- Ed, very slowly, very awkwardly infoms that “I uh thought you already knew...?”

- Riza and Ed have had long ass talks before basically complaining about how high on a pedestal people put romance and sexual relationships. Friendships are just as important! These conversations always end with them doing book trades of completely irrelevant things.

- On extra wild nights, Sheska joins in Oh heres my ace lesbian sheska headcanon and they’ve now all read her favourite adventure book and are strangely drawn to the band of misfits who come together... odd..

[myonechicagoworld]

CHICAGO FIRE – ONE MINUTE (S01E04)

                                         [ambo door shuts]

Gabby Dawson: Why didn’t you call Alexa back? I liked her.

Leslie Shay: You know the joke - what does a lesbian bring on a

                     second date?

                     A moving van.

Gabby Dawson: You have major commitment issues.

Leslie Shay: Yeah, yeah.

Gabby Dawson: Can you please put this out in front. I’m gonna  

                           take this stuff to the kitchen.

Leslie Shay: All right. I’m not carving this thing.

TV: Some developing local news now…

Peter Mills: Yo, do we have any spices around here besides salt

                   and pepper?

                                            [tv in background]

Otis Zvonecek: What else do you need besides salt and pepper?

Gabby Dawson: [groans]

Peter Mills: Wow.

Gabby Dawson: This is for the trick-or-treaters. And heads up…

                            Halloween is Chief Boden’s favourite holiday.

Peter Mills: [chuckles]

Gabby Dawson: Oh, I’m dead serious.

                                      [plastic bag rustling]

Otis Zvonecek: We can see where you’re putting that.

Gabby Dawson: Hey, nobody touches the candy. We ran out last

                           year.

Christopher Herrmann: I graciously donate my in-laws television,

                                       and I cannot get a piece of candy?

Gabby Dawson: [scoffs]

                           I keep coriander, cumin and bay leaves in the back

                           cupboard.

                           Um, I used up all the saffron last time I cooked.

                                      [alarm beeps, PA buzzes]

(Over PA): Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61.  

                 Warehouse fire, 6620 Oak Park.

                                 [sirens wailing, horns honking]

                                     [squad door slams shut]

Matt Casey: This is the old Triskin warehouse.

Kelly Severide: Looks like the door’s been pried open. Could be  

                         squatters inside.

Chief Boden: Smoke’s already coming out pretty quick. We don’t  

                      have long on this one.

                      (into radio) Engine 51, give me a 2 ½ in the front  

                      door, cover the search team. Truck 81, open up  

                      the back, vent the skylights.

                      Kelly, give me that primary search.

Kelly Severide: Yep.

Matt Casey: Cruz and Otis, raise the aerial and take out the

                     skylights. Herrmann and Mills, let’s open up the

                     back and get in there.

                     Let’s go.

                                         [indistinct chatter]

Kelly Severide: Smoke’s bad. Get the doors down fast.

Matt Casey: Strike.

                                      [door creaking open]

Matt Casey: Done.

Christopher Herrmann: Going left.

Kelly Severide: Mind your step.

                         Call out.

Christopher Herrmann: Fire department! Anyone in here?

                                        [indistinct chatter]

Chief Boden: That smoke’s turning ugly.

Kelly Severide: Fire department! Anyone in here?

Christopher Herrmann: There’s someone in the back!

                                        Let’s go!

Peter Mills: Hey guys, over here.

                   Fire department! Anybody here? Call out!

Firefighter: I got you. Come on.

                                     [groaning & coughing]

Kelly Severide: Hang on to me. We’re gonna get you out.

Victim 1: [coughing]

Gabby Dawson: We got him.

Peter Mills: Fire department!

                             [wood crashing, glass breaking]

Peter Mills: Unh!

Chief Boden: (over radio) All companies, evacuate the building.

Christopher Herrmann: Come on, Mills, let’s go.

Chief Boden: It’s gonna flash.

Matt Casey: Herrmann and Mills still inside?

Chief Boden: Yep.

                      (over radio) Repeat, evacuate immediately.

                      (into radio) Come on, now, guys. We gotta get out of

                       there. Let’s go.

                      Come on, men.

                                                [coughing]

Christopher Herrmann: Come on, Mills.

Peter Mills: There’s a guy still inside. I saw him.

                   Chief, give me one more minute to go back in there.

Chief Boden: No, it’s over. No more minutes.

Peter Mills: H-He could be alive. Just give me one more minute. I  

                   know I can get to him. I know.

Chief Boden: You’re not going anywhere. This building’s about to

                       flash.

Peter Mills: Chief, I could get…

Chief Boden: Enough!

                      (into radio) All officers, take count of your firefighters.  

                      Nobody goes back in.

                      All members out of the collapse zone. Everybody,

                      back up.

                      Back up.

Matt Casey: Let’s go.

                                       [indistinct radio chatter]

Radio Dispatcher: Company 16 and Truck 22…[continues

                               indistinctly]

                               Roger that 25, Ladder 47, Truck 34…[continues

                               indistinctly]…we’re all clear

                                           [fire explosion]

                                         [glass shattering]

Chief Boden: (into radio) Fire up the water cannons.

                                          [water spraying]

                                         [indistinct chatter]

                                           - Title Screen -

Lee Henry Herrmann: C’mon! Let’s go!

Cindy Herrmann: Boys!

                             Boys!

                                       [indistinct shouting]

Christopher Herrmann: Hey, give her back the wand. Now!

                                       Hey, hey. Here you go.

                                        Ah.

Lee Henry Herrmann: Man.

Christopher Herrmann: I thought you were gonna be a superhero.

Luke Herrmann: I am. I’m a superboy.

Christopher Herrmann: That’s the whole costume?

                                        That’s pretty half-assed.

Cindy Herrmann: Christopher!

Christopher Herrmann: What? He can’t put on a cape?

Cindy Herrmann: He doesn’t have a…

                                            [kissing sound]

Christopher Herrmann: All right.

                                       I walked in on your dad again…on the can.

Cindy Herrmann: [sighs]

Christopher Herrmann: The man refuses to lock the door.

Cindy Herrmann: And you refuse to knock.

                             [sighs] This came.

Christopher Herrmann: Aw, crap.

Luke Herrmann: Were you there, daddy?

Christopher Herrmann: Yep, and we kicked that fire’s butt.

                                        Love you, okay?

Cindy Herrmann: Bye.

Christopher Herrmann: Bye.

Luke Herrmann: You can’t leave. I put a force field around the door.

Christopher Herrmann: If you had a cape on, I might believe that.

                                       Come on, I’m late.

Luke Herrmann: No.

Christopher Herrmann: Lukey, hey.

                                       I told you, you don’t have to worry about

                                       me so much.

Luke Herrmann: What if you get hurt again?

Christopher Herrmann: I’ll get better, just like last time. And like  

                                       you did, when your bike went over.

                                       Us Herrmanns’, we’re tough bastards.

Luke Herrmann: [whispers] You said bastards.

Christopher Herrmann: [whispers] Don’t tell mom.

                                       [sighs] Okay.

                                       [whispers] Come on. Come on buddy.

Luke Herrmann: [whispers] Okay.

Christopher Herrmann: I love you buddy.

                                                cutscene

Kids: Happy Halloween!

Chief Boden: Happy Halloween.

                     Guess what? After school, I’m gonna break out a

                     bottomless bowl of treats.

                     Gonna come back and get ‘em?

                     You’ll bring ‘em back?

Kids & Adults: Yeah.

Chief Boden: Go on, then. Get out of here and come back.

                      Y’all look great.

Kids: Thank you!

                                               cutscene

Peter Mills: Yo Lieutenant, can I ask you something?

Matt Casey: Sure.

Peter Mills: In general, when Chief says, ‘everybody out of a  

                   building now’, how much time do we really have?

                   A minute? 30 seconds? What?

Matt Casey: Don’t beat yourself up, Mills.

Peter Mills: See, the things is, I was closest to the victim. I-I could  

                   see him, you know? I…

Matt Casey: When Chief says “now”, he means now. Not 30  

                     seconds, not any seconds. Got it?

Peter Mills: Yeah. Yeah, I figured. Thanks.

                                                    cutscene

                                           [locker door slams]

Kelly Severide: Ah!

                                             [punches locker]

Jose Vargas: Morning Lieutenant.

Kelly Severide: Morning.

Jose Vargas: You get hurt the other night?

Kelly Severide: Mind not turning the locker room into a chat room?

Jose Vargas: Yeah.

                                                  cutscene

Joe Cruz: Just take the damn piece of candy already. She won’t

                notice.

Mouch: I’m not climbing onto the counter.

Joe Cruz: Hey, did you guys hear that Casey’s gonna…testify

                 against Detective Voight’s son?

Otis Zvonecek: Apparently, Dawson’s brother says it’s a risky  

                          move, and…Voight’s a dangerous son of a

                          bitch.

Mouch: I wouldn’t put my ass on the line like that.

             Uh Lieutenant, you need any help with the Detective  

             Voight situation, you let me know. When I became  

             union rep, they…sent me a bunch of brochures.

Matt Casey: I’m good, thanks. Just need to testify at the  

                    arraignment, once it’s set.

Christopher Herrmann: You see this crap?

Peter Mills: Why is it crap?

                    I just mean that that’s what happened, isn’t it? So…

Christopher Herrman: Where is the headline about how we busted

                                     our humps and saved three guys, huh?

Chief Boden: Okay, everybody, listen up.

                      Today, our very own Jose Vargas transfers from Truck

                       to Squad.

                       As of now, he’s officially a member of Rescue Squad

                       3.

                                        [clapping & cheering]

All: Whoo!

Mouch: Big time Vargas.

Otis Zvonecek: Make sure to bow next time you walk by.

Matt Casey: Best of luck.

Jose Vargas: Thanks, Lieutenant.

Nicki Rutkowski: Hey, Lieutenant Casey, I just saw your car out

                             front.

                             Something happened to it.

Matt Casey: What the hell?

Joe Cruz: This is why I can’t stand Halloween, man. The punks,

                 they go wild.

Matt Casey: My gym bag got lifted.

Christopher Herrmann: Right in front of the station.

                                       Call the cops. File a report.

Matt Casey: Yeah, I should.

                                   [alarm beeping, PA buzzes]

(Over PA): Truck 81, Squad 3. House fire, 220 South Kilbourn.

                                            [sirens wailing]

                                        [squad door shuts]

Kelly Severide: [into radio] Fire is out on arrival. Hold on incoming

                          companies. We’ll do a little overhaul.

                          You okay, ma’am?

Lady 1: I’m fine.

            I must have dropped a cigarette or something. I was  

            cleaning out the garage. So stupid of me.

Kelly Severide: Well, good job putting it out.

                          We were here a few weeks ago. Fire in your car,  

                          parked out front.

Lady 1: The car is old.

Kelly Severide: Two fires in two weeks?

Lady 1: Bad luck always comes in streaks.

Man 1: Yo, yo, afternoon officer.

Kelly Severide: I need to check inside, make sure the fire didn’t  

                          get into the adjoining wall.

Lady 1: All right.

                                            [train passing by]

Kelly Severide: No heat. That’s good.

                          Huh.

Lady 1: Me and my late husband.

Kelly Severide: How long were you married?

Lady 1: 45 years, till he passed.

Kelly Severide: Wow. What’s the secret?

Lady 1: I never asked.

Kelly Severide: [chuckles]

Lady 1: Just counted my blessings every day [chuckles]

                                              [door opens]

Capp: She say what happened?

Kelly Severide: Mm-mm.

                                   [laughing in the background]

                                                cutscene

Christopher Herrmann: What the hell happened?

Leslie Shay: It went out.

Mouch & Otis Zvonecek: What?

Chief Boden: It just need a new cord. Nobody panic.

Leslie Shay: Go ahead. Try it.

                                             [remote clicks]

                                            [applause on tv]

Otis Zvonecek: Yes.

Chief Boden: Ah.

Otis Zvonecek: Halloween horror marathon, channel 11.

Mouch: We are back.

Marc Thorne: My brother died because he was homeless and  

                       poor. If he had been a firefighter or a banker in    

                       a fancy apartment, they would have found a  

                       way to save him. It was recorded on cell phone:

[video recording…]

Peter Mills: Chief, give me one more minute to go back in there.

Chief Boden: No, it’s over. No more minutes.

Peter Mills: H-He could be alive. Just give me one more minute. I  

                   know I can get to him. I know.

Chief Boden: Not going anywhere. This building’s about to flash.

Peter Mills: Chief, I can get…

Chief Boden: Enough!

[end of video recording…]

Marc Thorne: Even his own man wanted to go back in and save

                       my brother’s life, but the Chief on the scene,  

                       Wallace Boden, said no.

TV: So the investigation continues…

                                             [remote clicks]

Peter Mills: [sighs]

                                                   cutscene

Nicki Rutkowski: Hey, there’s another request for an interview  

                             about the fire from some blogger.

Chief Boden: The answer’s the same. No comment.

Nicki Rutkowski: Got it. And Peter Mills wanted to see you.

Chief Boden: Send him in.

Peter Mills: Thanks.

Nicki Rutkowski: Yeah.

Chief Boden: Hey, Mills, what’s up?

Peter Mills: Um, when I asked to go back in, I apologise if that was

                   out of line.

Chief Boden: Not another word. That is exactly the attitude I want  

                      from all my men.

                      Forget the news report.

Peter Mills: Yes, sir. Thank you.

                                              [door closes]

Chief Boden: You’re welcome.

                                                 cutscene

Leslie Shay: Hey, we got our first trick-or-treater.

Hallie Thomas: Hey guys. Happy Halloween.

Leslie Shay: Happy Halloween, lady.

Gabby Dawson: Sweet shoes.

Hallie Thomas: Thanks. Uh, are you a runner too?

Gabby Dawson: Uh, I just did my first 10k a couple months ago.

Hallie Thomas: Oh, wow, that’s-that’s my race too. I’ve been  

                          training for the next one. I’m trying to get in

                          under 48 minutes.

Gabby Dawson: That sounds like a good goal.

Hallie Thomas: How’d you do?

Gabby Dawson: 45:20.

Hallie Thomas: Wow, that’s…great [chuckles]

Gabby Dawson: [chuckles]

Leslie Shay: Casey’s in his quarters, I think.

Hallie Thomas: Awesome, thank you. I’ll see you guys.

Gabby Dawson: Yep.

Leslie Shay: Bye.

                    45:20?

Gabby Dawson: It was somewhere around there.

                                             cutscene

                                          [door opens]

Matt Casey: Everything okay?

                                          [door closes]

Hallie Thomas: Of course. Why do you look worried?

Matt Casey: [exhales] I-I’m not worried. Just…surprised.

Hallie Thomas: Well, I was thinking about our new plan to start  

                          fresh, and I realised…

Matt Casey: What?

Hallie Thomas: That there is something that we talked about doing  

                          and never did.

Matt Casey: Yeah?

                                          [blinds rolling down]

                                                 [lock click]

                                                  cutscene

                                           [knocks on door]

Nicki Rutkowski: Chief, this is Sondra Sherman.

Sondra Sherman: I’m an attorney with the city’s office.

Chief Boden: How can we help you today?

Sondra Sherman: I need to ask you some questions about the  

                              Triskin warehouse fire.

Chief Boden: Why?

Sondra Sherman: The city’s been contacted by…an attorney for

                              Marc Thorne, the victim’s brother. There are

                              some concerns about the way the fire was

                              handled.

Chief Boden: My sympathies go out to Mr Thorne, but if I hadn’t  

                      handled the fire the way I did, not only would his  

                      brother be dead, but so would my men.

Sondra Sherman: Mmhmm. And how long was it after you called  

                             your men out that the structure exploded?

Chief Boden: I don’t know…exactly.

Sondra Sherman: Huh.

Chief Boden: About a minute.

Sondra Sherman: And did one of your men tell you there was  

                              someone still inside?

Chief Boden: Yes, he did, and he wanted to go back in and get  

                      him. I said no. Seconds later, there was a

                      flashover.

Sondra Sherman: I wouldn’t ask you these questions unless I had

                             to, Chief. We don’t think you did anything

                             wrong, but an M.E.’s report will be released

                             soon, and if it says his brother was alive up  

                             until the explosion, Thorne will come after  

                             you, the department, and the city of

                             Chicago.

                             The city completely supports you. You shouldn’t

                             feel bad.

Chief Boden: I don’t.

                      If we’re done here, I have some work to do.

Sondra Sherman: [chuckles lightly]

                                      [door open and closes]

                                                cutscene

Kelly Severide: Wait here, guys.

                                       [squad door shuts]

Kelly Severide: Hey, Bobby. Thanks for coming.

Bobby: Hi. How you doin’?

Kelly Severide: Good.

Bobby: So what’s the deal here?

Kelly Severide: You tell me.

                                         [knocks on door]

Kelly Severide: Mrs Grady, how are you, ma’am?

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): I’m fine.

Kelly Severide: We just had a-a few questions about those fires

                         that you had.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): They were accidents. I don’t know any more

                                  than I’ve already told you.

Kelly Severide: Okay, we just wanted to make sure that there are  

                          no more…incidents.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): Sorry.

                                               [door shuts]

Kelly Severide: Someone set fire to her car two weeks ago. This  

                          morning, her garage burns, she says…

Bobby: So she said they were just accidents.

Kelly Severide: They weren’t.

Bobby: But why do you think somebody would come after her? I  

            mean, she lives alone. She keeps to herself.

Kelly Severide: Pick a reason.

                                                  cutscene

Sondra Sherman: I have a suggestion.

                              If you do a sit-down with Marc Thorne, that

                              could help minimise the damage.

Chief Boden: A sit-down?

Sondra Sherman: Yeah. A “Beer in the rose garden” kind of thing.

                               You, Thorne, attorneys for both sides.

Chief Boden: Whose idea was this?

Sondra Sherman: Sit-down was his. Beer was mine.

                             Sometimes a simple conversation can avert a  

                             major lawsuit. Maybe all he wants is an

                             apology.

Chief Boden: I doubt that.

Sondra Sherman: Chief, I don’t think you understand. If we can’t  

                              make this go away before the M.E.’s report  

                              comes back, your job and your livelihood are

                              at risk.

Chief Boden: I am not going to apologise. I did nothing wrong,

                      neither did any of my men.

Sondra Sherman: Look, the city completely supports you.

Chief Boden: You keep saying that, and in the same breath, you  

                      tell me my job’s on the line.

Sondra Sherman: We…

Chief Boden: [chuckles] I really do have work to do. I’m gonna go

                       do it.

                                                 cutscene

Nicki Rutkowski: I have a favour to ask you.

                            Can I borrow your house key?

                            I just want to set a little something up for Kelly in

                           his room. Champagne, candles. I think my dad  

                           showing up at your apartment maybe pushed

                           him away.

Leslie Shay: Yeah, I don’t think it’s your dad showing up so much  

                     that’s the problem as much as him announcing that

                     you’re engaged.

Nicki Rutkowski: I wasn’t hiding that.

Leslie Shay: Where’s your ring?

Nicki Rutkowski: It’s being resized right now.

                            So, can I have the key or not?

Leslie Shay: [chuckles] Not. At all.

                                   [alarm beeping, PA buzzing]

(Over PA): Ambulance 61. Hand laceration, 310 East Pearson.

                                        [background chatter]

                                 [indistinct chatter over radio]

Leslie Shay: Oof! You got a nice bleed going there.

                    Yikes. What happened?

Victim 2 (Chef): I was, uh, chopping, and suddenly there were…

                          screams, so I took my eyes off the onion. Next

                          thing I know, my hand’s gushing blood.

Gabby Dawson: Screams?

Victim 2 (Chef): A reaction to a two-tier baby carriage and…

                         matching car seat.

Leslie Shay: Wiggle your fingers for me.

Victim 2 (Chef): [exhales]

Leslie Shay: Ah, it’s not bad but, yeah, you’re gonna need stitches.

Lady 2: The mom-to-be had a dizzy spell when she saw the blood.  

             Can one of you guys take a look at her.

Gabby Dawson: Oh, yeah, sure.

                           You’re not gonna believe this.

Leslie Shay: What?

                     Hey, Clare.

Clarice: Oh, my God.

             Um…honey, this is…Leslie Shay, my old girlfriend.

Leslie Shay: Hi.

                                              cutscene

Gabby Dawson: There are two patients. We’ll take this one with the

                           hand lac, so you can grab the other lady if you

                           don’t mind…

Leslie Shay: Actually, I just put Clarice in the back of our rig, so…

Gabby Dawson: And I said we would take him, so…

Victim 2 (Chef): It doesn’t matter to me.

Leslie Shay: Here you go.

                                        [ambo door shuts]

Leslie Shay: Alright, I’m just gonna check your vitals and then

                    have a listen and make sure everything’s okay

                    with the baby.

Clarice: Okay. I just haven’t felt a kick in a while and then the dizzy  

             spell came on so suddenly.

Daniel Schwartz: I’m sure everything is fine, sweetie.

                               [blood pressure cuff pumping]

Leslie Shay: Blood pressure’s good.

                     All right, I’m just gonna lift your shirt off your belly  

                     and have a listen.

                     Heart rate’s 140. It’s perfect.

Clarice: [exhales] Thank you.

             Thank you, Les.

Daniel Schwartz: See? That baby’s already got a flair for the

                             dramatic. The teen years are gonna be…fun.

Clarice: [chuckles]

             You know what I still have of yours? Those old blues  

             records that your mom gave you.

Leslie Shay: Oh, yeah. Forgot about those.

Clarice: Yeah.

              I mean, you know, I-I can get ‘em back to you at any time.

              Why don’t you, um, just give me a call and we can figure it

               out.

                                                cutscene

                                               [laughing]

Capp: Who was that?

Kelly Severide: That’s Mills’ sister, Elise.

Hadley: Wow. When is the next family picnic?

Kelly Severide: Hey, let me give you a hand with those.

Elise Mills: I’m good, thanks.

Kelly Severide: You sure?

                          If this food ends up on the floor instead of the  

                          table, it could cause a riot.

Elise Mills: [giggles] You’re Severide, right?

Kelly Severide: Kelly.

Elise Mills: Peter called, said he was supposed to make lunch and  

                  he got busy.

                  He didn’t sound so great. Is everything okay around

                  here?

Kelly Severide: It’s just another day on the job. Your brother’s a

                         good kid.

Elise Mills: Yeah, he is.

                   I gotta get back to the restaurant. Thanks for the help.

                                                cutscene

Otis Zvonecek: Give me the ball, give me the ball.

Truck 81 men: Ohh!

                        Oh!

                        Ohhh! [laughing]

Marc Thorne: My name is Marc Thorne. I’m here to talk to Chief  

                       Wallace Boden. Is he here?

Chief Boden: I’m very sorry for your loss, Mr Thorne.

Marc Thorne: Chief Boden! You knew my brother was in that

                       warehouse.

Christopher Herrmann: Did you?

                                       The guy was homeless, keeping warm in a

                                       warehouse. You’re his brother. Where have

                                       you been?

Peter Mills: Herrmann, come on.

Chrisopher Herrmann: No, sorry, I’m not gonna be quiet.

                                      ‘Cause a few weeks ago, I almost bought  

                                       the farm, trying to save a stranger. It’s  

                                       what we do, every day.

                                       It’s what we tried to do for your brother.

                                       Chief Boden made the call he had to

                                       make.

                                       Just be glad you never have to do that.

                                                     cutscene

Christopher Hermann: What is this?

Leslie Shay: We heard you represented, Herrmann.

Gabby Dawson: So, I’m gonna throw out a name…Clarice

                           Carthage.

All: Oh ho ho…

Christopher Herrmann: Ow.

Peter Mills: Wait, who?

Joe Cruz: The bitchy ex-girlfriend.

Leslie Shay: She wasn’t a bitch, per se.

Matt Casey: She…was a little full of herself.

Gabby Dawson: Well, she’s now got a news status update. She is  

                           now Clarice Schwartz, married to a dude, and

                           seven months pregnant.

Otis Zvonecek: Oh!

                                                   [laughing]

Otis Zvonecek: Did I not call that?

Joe Cruz: [laughing manically]

Otis Zvonecek: Did I not say she had one foot in, one foot out?

Leslie Shay: You did not say that.

Otis Zvonecek: Well, not to you, maybe, but did I not call that?

Christopher Herrmann: He called that [laughing]

                                                  [laughter]

Leslie Shay: [sighs] Yep.

                                                cutscene

Man 2: Look, he’s got candy. He’s got a bunch of candy.

Chief Boden: Oh, look at you. That costume is terrifying. You’re

                      about to scare the neighbours to death.

                      Want some treats? Give me that. Whomp.

Man 2: I saw your picture online. I read about what happened. Keep

            your chin up. You did the right thing.

Chief Boden: Appreciate that.

                      Halloween is about the kids.

                      Thank you for coming.

Man 2: Come on, guys, let’s go.

            Next.

            Get some more candy? Should we get some more? Let’s

            go.

                                                cutscene

                        [tv in the background, howling noises]

                               [alarm beeping, PA buzzing]

(Over PA): Truck 81, Ambulance 61. Man down, 3500…[indistinct

                 announcement]

Joe Cruz: Oh! Vargas wants back on truck already, huh?

Jose Vargas: Yeah, yeah.

                             [siren wailing in the background]

                                                cutscene

                               [siren wailing, horn honking]

                             [music thumping, crowd noise]

                                      [truck door shuts]

Matt Casey: Coming through.

                     Excuse me. Everybody, make way. Coming through.

                      Anybody seen an injured person?

Gabby Dawson: Is that our guy?

                           Okay, nevermind.

Leslie Shay: Halloween sucks.

Matt Casey: Looking for an injured person.

Lady 3 (Sexy Nurse): Thank God. He’s over here.

Joe Cruz: Excuse me can we get some room, please? Excuse me

                 can we get some room?

Matt Casey: (into radio) Okay, got a location on the victim, Witches’

                     brew.

Gabby Dawson: (into radio) Copy that. Right behind you.

Leslie Shay: Excuse us.

Gabby Dawson: Watch out, guys.

Matt Casey: Hold his head steady.

Firefighter: Guys, come on.

Victim 3: [grunting]

Peter Mills: I got it.

Gabby Dawson: Hold his head.

Peter Mills: Yeah.

Leslie Shay: Did he take any drugs?

Lady 3 (Sexy Nurse): No, j-just a couple of beers. Then all of a  

                                   sudden his eyes rolled back in his head  

                                   and he…he dropped and just started

                                   jerking around.

Leslie Shay: Does he have a history of seizures?

Lady 3 (Sexy Nurse): I don’t think so. This is only our second date.

Gabby Dawson: Alright, ready.

                           Turn him over.

Man 3 (Fake fireman): Hey, let me help out, fellas.

Matt Casey: Stay back, sir.

Man 3 (Fake fireman): Yeah, how about giving me a c-4 tube and  

                                     a Lidocaine drip?

                                             [laughter]

Christopher Herrmann: Let ‘em do their job.

Peter Mills: All right, come on. Move it out.

Gabby Dawson: Watch out. Come on. Make fast.

Man 3 (Fake fireman): Don’t tell ‘em you’re homeless. They won’t

                                     help ya.

Matt Casey: Hey! Hey!

                    Go. Go.

                    You got your head screwed on straight?

Christopher Herrmann: These people mouthing off at us.

Matt Casey: You rise above it.

Christopher Herrmann: It won’t happen again.

Matt Casey: Let’s get the hell out of here.

                                      [train in background]

                                                cutscene

Sondra Sherman: Chief, wanted to let you know the M.E.’s report

                              came in.

                              Jonathan Thorne died from injuries sustained  

                              during the explosion. The department is putting  

                              together a committee now.

Chief Boden: This doesn’t change anything.

                                           [dramatic music]

                                    [door shuts, lock clicks]

                                              cutscene

Nicki Rutkowski: Lieutenant Casey, there’s someone out front for

                             you.

Matt Casey: Detective Voight.

Hank Voight: Got some good news for you, Casey.

Matt Casey: Yeah? What’s that?

Hank Voight: Well, I heard about what happened to your car.

                      I don’t normally handle this kind of thing, but…to  

                      be honest, I felt like I owed you an apology after  

                      my behaviour the other day. I was out of line.

                      So I put my guys on it, and we caught the little

                      scumbag.

Matt Casey: And how’d you know it was him?

Hank Voight: Come here.

                      This yours?

                      There you go. He had it on him.

                      And make sure nothing’s missing, will you?

Matt Casey: [scoffs] This isn’t mine.

Hank Voight: Well, the kid must have stashed it in there.

                      You know, there’s a simple, honest solution to all our

                       problems. One that keeps my son out of jail and lets  

                       you and I get on with our lives. All you gotta do is

                       change that report.

Matt Casey: I’m not gonna do that.

                                                   cutscene

Gabby Dawson: [groans] Last year [grunts] we went through four of

                             these. This year we barely finished one.

Matt Casey: Not the best day.

Gabby Dawson: What is it?

Matt Casey: [sighs] Detective Voight showed up here…tried to  

                     bribe me with a wad of cash.

Gabby Dawson: What? Wha…we’ve gotta call my brother and tell

                            him.

Matt Casey: I’m just gonna…testify and let the courts handle it.

Gabby Dawson: [sighs] Well, what does Hallie say?

Matt Casey: I didn’t tell her.

Gabby Dawson: Why not?

Matt Casey: I don’t know. I don’t wanna worry her, I guess.

Gabby Dawson: You should tell her.

Matt Casey: Yeah. Yeah, I probably should.

                     I’ll see you later.

Gabby Dawson: Yeah, later.

                            [sighs]

                                                   cutscene

                                                [jazzy music]

                                              [liquor pouring]

Leslie Shay: [slurring] I mean, you should have seen Clarice’s

                     apartment. It was…like a museum; all this fancy

                     breakable crap everywhere.

                     The place she and I used to live, there was peeling  

                      paint, dripping faucets…but it’s great. You wanted

                      to hang out there all day long, you know?

                      Will you pass me a lime?

Kelly Severide: Yeah.

Leslie Shay: They had a floor-to-ceiling wine rack. I mean…she  

                     used to hate wine [slurping]

                     She drank beer. I loved that about her. I guess she  

                     drinks wine now.

                     [liquor pouring]

Kelly Severide: How long did you two…

Leslie Shay: Three years.

Kelly Severide: Mm.

Leslie Shay: Yeah I mean, it wasn’t like, you know…a casual thing.

                     It was…uh…we were serious. Or at least I thought we  

                     were. Turns out I may have overestimated her

                     lesbianism

Kelly Severide: [chuckles lightly]

                                           [rapping on door]

Leslie Shay: Really?

Kelly Severide: No offense…I’m not taking advice from you right

                         now.

                         [coughs]

Leslie Shay: This is a new low.

Nicki Rutkowski: Wanna help with this?

                             What?

Kelly Severide: I was engaged once too…

                                               [door closes]

                                                  cutscene

                                                [door shuts]

Sondra Sherman: Just wanted to pass along some positive news.

                             The…Thorne situation has been resolved.

Chief Boden: Resolved how?

Sondra Sherman: Marc Thorne has dropped all plans to sue the

                              city.

Chief Boden: You gave him a payout.

Sondra Sherman: [scoffs] There’s a settlement in the works, yes.

Chief Boden: You yourself said we did nothing wrong.

Sondra Sherman: You know, you should be happy about this.  

                              Thorne was willing to settle quickly and for

                              a reasonable amount. There’s no further risk

                              of impact on you, and you continue to have

                              the city’s full support.

Chief Boden: Appreciate that.

Sondra Sherman: Take care, Chief.

Chief Boden: Yeah.

                                                       cutscene

Hadley: How many?

Kelly Severide: Three.

                                        [alarm blaring, PA buzzing]

(Over PA): House fire, 220 South Kilbourn. Engine 51…

Jose Vargas: 220 South Kilbourn.

(Over PA): Truck 81, Squad 3…

Kelly Severide: Damn it!

(Over PA): Ambulance 61.

Chief Boden: Truck and Engine are near the scene. They’ll meet  

                       you there.

Kelly Severide: What happened?

Joe Cruz: Molotov cocktail through the front window. Fire’s under

                 control.

Kelly Severide: The woman who lives here, Mrs Grady?

Joe Cruz: With Dawson.

Gabby Dawson: Just breathe in, nice and easy. We’re gonna get  

                           that smoke out of your lungs, okay?

Kelly Severide: Is she okay?

Leslie Shay: Yeah, smoke inhalation. Oxygen will clear her up.

Kelly Severide: Hey, can you give me a second?

Gabby Dawson: Yeah.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): [whimpering]

Kelly Severide: We could have lost you.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): [whimpering]

Kelly Severide: I won’t go to the police, okay? I promise you that.  

                         But you gotta talk to me.

Lady 1 (Mrs Grady): [whimpering]

Kelly Severide: Okay?

                                                cutscene

                                              [rap music]

                                            [baby crying]

                                        [banging on door]

                                  [lock clicks, door opens]

Man 4: Who the hell are you?

           Hey, what you doin’?

Kelly Severide: Shut up. Sit down.

                                           [door closes]

Kelly Severide: Mrs Grady. On Kilbourn.

Man 5: [scoffs] We don’t even know who that is.

Kelly Severide: She’s the one who called the cops about the drug

                          dealers on her block. She’s also my aunt.

                          Listen to me.

                          I hear about one more ember going anywhere near  

                          Mrs Grady or her property again, I’ll come back

                          here, break your kneecaps, and drag you down to  

                          the police station. You don’t have drugs on you,

                          I’ll plant them on you.

Man 4: You can’t do that.

Kelly Severide: The hell I can’t? It’s a firefighter’s word against a

                          couple bangers. Who they gonna believe?

                                                cutscene

Christopher Herrmann: Extra, extra.

                                       Firefighters are off the front page. Back in  

                                       the black smoke we go until another

                                       tragedy.

Matt Casey: Another day, another story.

Christopher Herrmann: I wonder how much that Thorne is getting  

                                        from the city.

Mouch: Why work for a living when you can sue someone instead?

Kelly Severide: Morning, Chief.

Chief Boden: Our assistant Nicki has quit.

                      According to her father, she has broken off her  

                      engagement, left for Europe for a while, so will

                      y’all just let me know if you hear of anybody

                      available for the position?

                                                 cutscene

Gabby Dawson: Leslie Elizabeth Shay.

Leslie Shay: What?

                     It’s…it’s not a big deal.

Gabby Dawson: No, it is. And…I’m sorry but I’m not gonna pretend

                           like I don’t remember peeling you off the floor  

                           after that woman broke your heart.

                           She is married now. Taken. Unattainable.

Leslie Shay: I know.

                    I just wanted my records back.

Gabby Dawson: I’ll buy you a new set. I promise.

                                                  cutscene

Peter Mills: You wanted to see me, Chief?

Chief Boden: Yeah, Mills, come on in.

                                             [door closes]

Chief Boden: I know you’ve been…struggling ever since the

                      warehouse fire.

Peter Mills: I was close enough to see him. If I’d had one minute, I

                   might have…

Chief Boden: Let me tell you about one minute.

                      I’ve been there.

                      Most of us have.

                      In my case, I was sure.

                      Surer than you are right now, even. That if I’d had that

                      one minute, I’d have been able to go in there, rescue

                      those people.

                      My best buddy and I, we went running back in.  

                      The fire was trapped in the ceiling.

                      Couldn’t see it, so we didn’t know. We didn’t have  

                      one minute. We lost the victims. I lost my friend. I got  

                      a scar on my back that reminds me every single day  

                      about the price of playing ‘beat the clock.’ And it’s  

                      my job to make sure that you never get any kind of  

                      reminder. You understand me?

Peter Mills: Yes, sir.

Chief Boden: You got it in you. You will make one hell of a  

                      firefighter. Just like your dad was.

                      Go on.

                                               [door closes]

                                                  cutscene

                                              [radio chatter]

                                            [somber music]

Radio: We’ll be opening up the phone lines shortly to take your  

            calls to talk about the Bears game on Sunday…

            [continues indistinctly]

Peter Mills: Hey, Karen.

Karen: Hi Peter.

Peter Mills: How you doing?

Karen: Good.

                                              cutscene

                                       [background chatter]

Kelly Severide: So where should we go? Restaurant? Bar?

                         Strip club?

Leslie Shay: Yeah, okay.

Kelly Severide: Hey, you all right?

Leslie Shay: Yeah.

                     I just always thought she was the one [sniffles]

Kelly Severide: C’mere.

                         Strip club it is.

Leslie Shay: [chuckles]

                                                 cutscene

                                            [phone ringing]

Joe Cruz: Fifty-One.

                Oh hey, Hallie.

                You alright?

                 Hold on.

Matt Casey: Hey.

                                 [tires squealing & skidding]

Hallie Thomas: Matt, what is going on?

Matt Casey: [sighs]

                                                - end -

Definitions:

Arraignment = Court proceeding at which a criminal defendant is formally advised of the charges against him and is asked to enter a plea to the charges.

Flashover = Near-simultaneous ignition of most of the directly combustible material in an enclosed area. It involves a significant increase in fire growth and development.

M.E.’s report = Medical Examiner report.

C-4 tube = Bike tube

Lidocaine drip = Local anaesthetic

[evengayerpanic]

Hello! First of all, love your fics. ♥️ Waiting patiently for the next chapter of Trains and Paasengers.😊 Is it okay to give a writing prompt? Hahaha! Like how Ellie and Aster's world will collide with Will and Vivian's. :) Maybe they're in the same city and they needed a doctor or even Ellie becoming a doctor under the guidance of Will. Or even the art world will introduce Aster to Vivian. Hahaha they just seem cute together and all the gut feels it will bring.

Writing prompts are always welcome to give, thank you so much for your kind words about my work! I should have the last chapter of Trains and Passengers up in a few days or so! I really hope that you enjoy what I’ve done with your prompt! It was a lot of fun to write, I adore Wil and Vivian, Alice Wu does an amazing job making her characters come to life.

_________________

“Tell me again who we’re having dinner with, baby, one of your students?” Wilhelmina Pang peered over towards the bathroom where her beautiful wife was half-dressed, desperately trying to finish curling her hair and applying the last touches of her make-up.

Vivian Shing looked up in the mirror, making eye contact with Wil as the latter did the buttons of her blouse up, rolling her sleeves just slightly - the way Vivian liked it. “Aster Flores.” She replied, setting down her curling iron and reaching for the tube of lipstick. “She’s the painter we hired to do the magic forest backdrops for our spring recital.”

“I see.” Wil smirked, adjusting her collar, before moving to Vivian’s side as the woman struggled to reach behind her for the zipper. “I got it, sweetheart.”

Vivian beamed, turning to face her wife with a blush of gratitude as Wil did her dress up for her. “I think you’ll love her, she’s a fantastic painter. She’s so very innovative, and she is just absolutely brilliant.”

“You used to think that I was brilliant, too.” Wil teased.

With a teasing grin, Vivian leaned in until she was pressed against her wife, faces inches from each other. “Yes, that was before you became a Mother. Now you’re boring, and no fun... I mean our bed time is nine-thirty at night, just how lame is that?”

“You’re the one who falls asleep during Jeopardy.”

“You’re the one that makes me watch Jeopardy, no wonder I fall asleep, Wil.” Vivian smiles, leaning up and kissing her wife’s nose gently, pulling back to look at her. “You aren’t jealous, are you, my love?”

Wilhelmina shakes her head, but it isn’t convincing.

“She’s twenty-two, and we’re going to dinner with her AND her girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about.”

Wil makes a face that Vivian can’t help but laugh at. Her voice playfully hurt-sounding as she protests. “I wasn’t worried anyways.” Her face grows soft as she wraps her arms around Vivian’s waist and draws her in closer. “Besides, you’re mine, even if I have to chase you down in an airport again to keep you here.”

Vivian laughs, brushing the lock of hair that fell from Wil’s ponytail behind her ear. “This time you better kiss me then when I ask you too.” She teases her.

Right before Wil can remind Vivian of all the times she’s kissed her since then, the door bursts open and three little bodies race into their bedroom, practically jumping at each other as they dive on Wil and Vivian.

“Mama! Bowen is teasing me!” Wilhelmina is pounced on by her four year old daughter, the little girl wraps her arms around her mother and wails into her.

“Nuh uh!” The six year old boy immediately retorts, shaking his head as his twin copies his movement.

“She’s telling a fib!” Bence, always the one to escalate the situation, immediately yelps. He sticks his tongue out at his little sister if only to prove her right.

Vivian sees this and immediately scolds him, a warning in her voice as she gives him the look that only mother’s can give. “Bence, leave Mei alone.”

The boy sulks, but only for a moment as Wilhelmina reminds their three young and rambunctious children gently, “You better be good, Nai Nai is coming to watch you, and she’s bringing Caihong.”

The children immediately stop bickering and begin to cheer. While Nai Nai is not their favourite grandma (they claim that their Lao Lao is nicer), all three children absolutely adore their Mama’s little sister Cai.

As Caihong has gotten older, she’s less inclined to play with her niece and nephews, instead choosing to be with her friends. However, Wil and Vivian plan on being out late tonight, and there’s no way that Wil’s Mother would leave her twelve year old unattended at night, so the child has to come along to babysit.

Wilhelmina is happy for her kids, but also feels bad for her poor sister who’s likely going to be delegated to being the children’s play toy for the entire evening.

Vivian smiles at Bowen and Bence, sitting down on the edge of the bed and letting the two boys climb into her lap to press kisses to her cheeks, waving Mei over as well so that Wil can finish tying her tie.

“So what’s the girls name?” Wil asks, her ears perking up as their doorbell rings and the children all sprint towards it excitedly. “The name of your painter?”

_________________

“Aster Flores!” The brunette young woman perks up, holding her hand out to Dr. Wilhelmina Pang with an earnest smile. “And this is my girlfriend, Ellie Chu!”

Wil takes her hand and shakes it, before turning to shake the other girls hand as well. “Nice to meet you, Aster. My wife speaks highly of you and your work.”

The young woman blushes slightly as Ellie responds for her. “Aster has plenty of good things to say about Vivian as well. She really enjoys working with her.”

The two women nod their heads at each other, before Wil tries to spark up a conversation. “So what do you do for work, Ellie, are you a painter as well?”

“Oh no.” Ellie stammers. “I’m nowhere near talented enough to paint like Aster does, I’m a junior editor.”

Wilhelmina looks at Ellie like she understands exactly what she’s talking about. “I know. Sometimes when I see Vivian dance, I feel like I’m super untalented.”

Ellie immediately perks up. “I once saw Aster paint a meadow of flowers in about four hours!” She pauses hesitantly. “Sometimes I can barely correct the mistakes in an article in that amount of time.”

The two women begin to gush about how talented the loves of their lives are, excusing themselves to go grab the ladies a drink. Aster and Vivian watch after them, amused smirks settled on both their faces.

“So I think I just noticed something...” Vivian trails off as the women get further away, matching white button-ups and near identical hair styles making it difficult to tell where Wil ends and Ellie begins.

Aster nods her head, feeling a little like she’s in the twilight-zone as the women both cringe when the male bartender speaks to them. She can tell they’ve just been hit on from the way that Ellie - or wait, maybe it’s Wil - she can’t tell from a distance due to the outfit they both decided to wear despite having never met before, steps back and Wil - or maybe it’s Ellie - hesitantly hands over the money for the drinks. “We’re dating the same person, aren’t we?”

“Well not exactly...” Vivian trails off, hearing Wil and Ellie both begin to awkwardly laugh at the bartender and also laugh a little at themselves. “I think that I’m technically married to the person that you’re dating.”

Aster wordlessly holds her hand out to Vivian, a small engagement ring sitting on her finger, her mouth still slightly open as she watches the two interact. Finally she turns slightly to Vivian. “She surprised me last night with this ring, so we’re engaged now.”

Vivan’s eyes widen, both at Aster’s news but at the fact that the two are getting along like they’ve known each other forever, despite it being less than five minutes. “Congratulations Aster! I’m so happy for you both...” She pauses again as the girls turn to walk back to them with drinks. “This is still really weird though.”

Aster nods in agreement. “Definitely weird.”

_________________

“And then I had to tell Paul that just because he has a key to our place, doesn’t mean he can come over unannounced and not expect to see something he doesn’t want too.” Ellie rolled her eyes as the table started laughing, Aster going pink in the ears.

“My Mom and neighbour Jay are like that, they’ve definitely walked in on a few things that they regret.” Wil smirks at Vivian, her wife smacking her in the arm lightly with a laugh as she also blushed with Aster.

“We took both of their keys away.” Vivian admits.

The four of them enjoy a nice dinner together, a few bottles of wine are opened and the conversation is all over the place; anecdotes from all four of their careers, full rants about how people treat lesbians and bisexual women, and even a few comments about the children that Vivian and Wilhelmina have.

It’s nice being able to talk to the younger couple about the process they went through with the kids, how Vivian carried the twins and then Wil was the one pregnant with their youngest. It’s too early for Aster and Ellie to think about having kids, but they still seem interested in asking details for the future.

They even laugh about their significant others attention to details when it comes to decoration.

“I swear, Vivian gets so crazy about decor, she made me paint our daughters room about six different shades before it was finally the right colour!”

“Aster made me move all of our living room furniture three times until it ‘felt right’, I was exhausted!”

“Wil’s favourite colours are so muted, if it weren’t for the kids being around I think we’d look like we were living in a black and white movie or something!”

“I told Ellie to go find some art for our office, her only decorating job, she came back with a horse picture and an actual dogs playing poker painting.”

They laugh when hearing about Ellie and Paul’s antics in writing Aster love letters, the story much funnier now that the hurt and betrayed feelings are gone.

“So, here I am, getting proposed to by my high school boyfriend in my Dad’s church in front of the entire town, and Ellie, just decides to scream out, ‘No!’”

Ellie blushes bright red, embarrassment written clear over her face until Vivian comes to her defense slyly.

“I think it’s cute. This one...” She nudges Wil with her elbow playfully, a smirk on her face, “Wouldn’t even kiss me in a crowded airport to prove her love.”

Wil rolls her eyes back at her wife. “Baby, we’ve been married ten years and have three kids... We got over the airport thing! Besides, I’ve kissed you in plenty of airports since then.” She shares a look with Ellie.

“Two airports.” Vivian teases. “Once during our honeymoon, and then again last summer when we took the kids to Disney Land.”

Ellie glances back at Wilhelmina. “Don’t worry, when I proposed last night, Aster waited a whole two minutes looking around our apartment, before finally turning to me and saying she was waiting to see if anyone would scream ‘No!’ this time around.”

“Remind me again why we put up with this?” Wil glances back at Vivian, only to feel her heart swell like it did all those years ago, and she doesn’t even need to hear Ellie’s answer, but she still humours her.

“Because... Women.” Ellie answers plainly, her own heart swelling as she grabs Aster’s hand and squeezes it, the smile Aster gives her lighting up the room.

“Ah yes, women. Good reason.”

_________________

By the time dessert is over and the bill has been brought; Wil and Ellie have made plans to meet for dinner again the next time the loves of their lives are stuck at work, they’ve also planned to take the kids to a musical in a few weeks, Aster and Vivian not welcome to attend because they’re ‘judgey’.

“Last time we went to a play, you said the set looked like it had been painted by a five year old, Aster!”

“No, I said that I had done better at five years old.”

“You almost got us thrown out of Mei’s ballet class, I’m not letting you get us kicked out of this, Viv!”

“That woman was teaching our daughter all wrong!”

As they leave to return home for the night; Wilhelmina and Vivian to their hopefully sleeping babies, Aster and Ellie to their cat Idgie Threadgoode, there is a round of hugs and handshakes between the couples. Surprisingly, Ellie and Wil are the ones to hug, while Aster and Vivian laugh and shake hands.

“Hey, El?” Wil smiles as the younger girl opens the door for her fiancee. “I’m really glad that your fiancee paints really detailed and talented set pieces.”

Ellie smiles back. “And Wil? I’m really glad your wife is talented and creative enough to have created her own unique ballet so that my fiancee can paint her really detailed and talented set pieces.”

[faunusrights]

The scarlatinas are a big family with aunts and cousins visiting a lot right? Have you got an idea of how their house looks? (also could you release the Scarlatina family descriptions you gave me to the public?)

well, really the scarlatina family isn’t big in the, uh, family tree sense; it’s not like Velvet has 100+ cousins and that sort of stuff, but they’re big in the sense that they all live together, hjdshkjfsd. so it’s a big household! sixteen people! it’s nothing to sniff at! so the aunts and cousins dont visit, really, because they literally live next door, lmao.

the scarlatina homestead is split into two houses that keep getting added to every once in a while. the bigger one (aka the first) has georgette, rajah, taffeta, ash, chiffon, velvet, satin and hickory live there, whilst the second (rapidly growing) house has cotton, tenné, hawthorn (+ hawthorn’s wife, saffron, and their kid, fir), ramie (+ her wife, auburn) and birch. that said, the houses pretty much act as one, and people tend to drift in and out of either of em at will.

the houses are similar in terms of their footprint, since they sorta both evolved abt the same time for the same needs (oh shit a kid oh shit a marriage oh shit ANOTHER kid), and save for two smaller second storeys for storage/spare room needs, almost the entire thing is on the ground floor (heat rises, baby). they share a big old shed/workshop which ash lingers in CONSTANTLY, as well as two little gardens where they grow their own produce. they also have some solar panels and a huge windmill out front, both of which usually power their houses since they don’t typically draw a TON of energy, though they do have a generator that runs on fuel as a backup.

okay if we’re describing the whole family im gonna shunt this under a cut this goes on for a while dsfjhgjhskfgd

GEORGETTE SCARLATINA: the matriarch of the family! well, sorta; she’s let her own daughters sort of have run of the place in her stead, because she’s “retired” now and that means she mostly sits back and enjoys not Working all the time. back in her heyday the woman was an absolutely powerhouse, 24/7 on the grind, but even now she’s very… well, she’s still a force to be reckoned with, really, and whilst she isn’t uuuuuuuh Strict, per se, she’s very disciplined, and no matter what her kids and grandkids choose to do, she expects them to really throw themselves into it. weiss is both terrified of her and desperately wants her approval, which isn’t hard to get, but weiss is, how they say, dumbass. georgette is also the reason why taffeta and cotton are… Like That. like what? stubborn loud fuzzy taking zero shit, etc,

RAJAH SCARLATINA: scarlatina women seem to always land themselves timid men and nobody is sure how, or why, but georgette wasnt the first to start this trend and shes def not the one to end it. rajah is pretty mild-mannered, but like georgette, never rested when people needed help. he and ash (and tenné) get on real well because they’re happy enough to mind their own Fuckin Business whilst their wives barrel around with all the grace of rampaging bulls. still, rajah’s also very much a product of his time as an early settler to menagerie; he’s never really… happy with everything, because they lost so much leaving for this shithole, so he’s always kinda… mildly sad about stuff, but the same can be said of any faunus his age tbh.

COTTON SCARLATINA: the older of the two Scarlatina Daughters, cotton is… manic. full of energy, always looking to burn it off. she’s an optimist at heart since she and taffeta came to menagerie when they were ten and therefore are more accustomed to the island, and her primary objective is making a good home and a good start for the family. she’s not too interested in politics or revolution, mainly because she’s the type of woman who plans by meals and mouths to feed, if u get me. she’s also pretty smug because her side of the family are rly growing up (TWO wives. a GRANDKID. its ALL COMING UP COTTON) and it means she gets to spend more time doing stuff she’s passionate abt!!!!!!! nice!!!!!!!!

TENNÉ SCARLATINA: i put an accent on his name and i regret it every day of my life. anyway. tenné isn’t entirely sure how he ended up with just The Most scarlatina, but he did and, well, there’s no backing out now. tenné‘s a deer faunus and was around cotton’s age when he and his family moved with the scarlatinas to menagerie, so he and cotton have always been close. he’s very patient and doesn’t always have a lot to say, but he and cotton are a great team when it comes to managing the entire homestead together. again, he’s not a political type, and just wants to keep his corner of things safe in uncertain times. he always pretty rarely leaves the homestead for anything, so he’s also kinda reclusive, but so is cotton! it all works out!

HAWTHORN SCARLATINA: i won’t go into the partners lest i Die but hawthorne is the eldest child of cotton and tenné. got antlers like his da, and he’s a pretty big fellow by scarlatina standards (that is to say, not thin enough to fly away in a stiff breeze). hawthorn is… well, long and short, he’s a himbo, but he’s also a pretty devoted homesteader (this is a trend! watch this space). his wife, saffron, was from desert sands and they’d been dating for a While before they got married, and they’re the first to have kids of all the first-gen* scarlatinas. he’s got cotton’s love of the family and tenné’s sort of quiet offset nature, though he was pretty rowdy as a kid (he grew out of that once velvet broke his nose tho).

RAMIE AND BIRCH SCARLATINA: twins! twins! oh my god! twins!!! fraternal twins!!!

ramie is the older of the two (my friends who were w/ me when we played the RWBY ttrpg will Remember Her) and she’s. well she’s surprisingly enough like taffeta that cotton jokes that clearly she’s gone and had the wrong kid. she’s very Firm abt things and has a way of naturally corralling people to follow after her, if only because this bitch has enough common sense for herself and, like, five people. she was also voted Best Lesbian Cousin five years in a row, and she and auburn get on like a house on fire. they’re also very into PDA, don’t mind them.

birch is the younger of the two and ramie always calls them the emo one. they’re not really so much into people as they are into their crafts and their plants (their bedroom looks like a greenhouse dont mind them) and they have tenné’s nature and georgette’s focus on working all the goddamn time. they’re good company is you strike up convo in the areas they have interest in, but sometimes it’s like talking to a brick wall. ramie is very fluent in their noncommittal grunts of disinterest, though.

FIR SCARLATINA: he’s one year old. he’s a baby. idk shit.

TAFFETA SCARLATINA: here’s the bitch we’ve all been waiting for

taffeta is like georgette if georgette was somehow more like herself. whereas the other half of the family are more core to the values of the clan, taffeta’s a tribe woman, and when she wakes up in the morning her focus is always on the wider community. taffeta’s very much just a machine of intent; she farms, she builds, she repairs, she trades, she gives, she travels, she does SO much and she’s very much the face of the family at present (which is why ppl hear the name ‘scarlatina and go ‘oh god’ w/o realising the other half wont bother u even slightly djsfggjsdfh). she’s STURDY she’s FLUFFY and she has zero qualms abt putting u in a headlock if u deserve one. dont test her. that said, taffeta’s a very reasonable woman; i’ll eventually go more into that at some nebulous point in the future hdjsgfjghksfd

ASH SCARLATINA: it’s everyone’s favourite da! i’ll TRY and keep this short. ash (MUCH LIKE THE MEN SO FAR) is just. so chilled out. can everyone PLEASE be quiet. well, he didn’t used to be – ash lived in kuo kuana before meeting taffeta and had such severe anxiety abt crowds that the boy could barely put a sentence together, let alone much else, not in the scarlatina household, he’s very calm and hard to ruffle. ash really just likes to do his thing, which is everything taffeta doesn’t do; he cooks, he watches the kids, he fixes stuff in the workshop, and he’s big into photography of the family, which is where velvet gets it from! ash is basically taffeta’s counterbalance, but being with her means he’s also become pretty well known about the town (if not for. entirely the reasons you think,)

CHIFFON SCARLATINA: the eldest of ash and taffeta’s kids! chiffon is a weird one; she takes a lot after ash in that she’s pretty reserved and doesn’t let a lot bother her, and when stuff does bother her, she expresses it pretty quietly. also, unlike her cousins who are all homebodies, chiffon was the first kid to actually leave the homestead for kuo kuana to work on the docks during a biiiig overhaul and extension of the boardwalk. she wanted to get out and see the world, but human tourists really out her off the idea, so after about a year and a bit she ended up returning home where she’s stayed ever since. after taffeta retires, she’ll probably be the next face people know and relate to the name scarlatina, tbh.

VELVET SCARLATINA: do i. do i have to say anything about her. you KNOW this bitch. anyway. velvet’s got taffeta’s stubborn sense and ash’s compassion, wants to travel like chiffon, has enough determination to just keep going when it gets her down. extremely stupid. herbo energy. trans jock. has fists will punch. fluffy. fuzzy. hot. dumbass. seriously, do i have to say anything else?

SATIN SCARLATINA: it’s a baby! just kidding, she’s 11. satin is pretty young but she’s at that age where she’s tryna figure out the world for herself. she’s already shaping up to be a lot like taffeta – bold and brash and determined – and much like her older siblings, politics is already playing into her interests. satin really wants to see vale and her tribelands, but after what happened to velvet at uni, taffeta’s trying to… well, not talk her out of it, but encourage her, gently, to reconsider. it’s not working. she and chiffon get on spectacularly well, and she and velvet get on ever better.

HICKORY SCARLATINA: okay, NOW baby. well………. okay, yeah, he’s 7. hickory is a little dreamer, never really in the present. he’s super into making stuff and helping out the adults around the homestead, and he’s not really noticed enough to be infuriated like satin, so he’s got that youthful, uh, innocence, let’s say, that means right now? life is GREAT! eventually he’ll find out that no, it’s not all that great, tbh, but right now he’s a champ at feeding the rabbits, pulling up veggies, and finishing his plate. good job hickory!

AND THAT’S THE FAM (save for the inlaws). theyre great and i think abt em all the time. could u tell? could u tell, sharkie,

*so i looked up the whole ‘generations’ thing to check if i was right and it turns out both first-gen and second-gen have incompatible definitions (thanks america) but for the sake of not going nuts, all of cotton’s and taffeta’s kids r first gen and fir is second-gen. u could also argue cotton and taff are first-gen on account of being pretty young when they came to menag but honestly it’s too complicated. lets just leave it at that sdfjhgksdf

[chuffyfan87]

Growing Pains. Part 11b (NSFW)

"That's good to know. Because it's not a problem."

“If she’s gay, she’s gay.” Lottie shrugged.

"Exactly. So do you have any more questions of a personal nature to ask?" Duffy smiled.

“No.”

"I'm glad that you feel able to talk to me about these things."

“About boys and stuff?”

"About anything that's worrying you. I know you're growing up but I want you to know that you can always talk to me if you need to."

“I know mum, thanks.”

"Now can I ask you a question?"

“Sure.”

"Where are you going with those biscuits I just saw you sneak into your pocket?" Duffy giggled.

“Upstairs to Tilly.” Lottie giggled.

"You know you're not supposed to eat in your bedroom." Duffy replied shaking her head fondly at the teenager.

“I know, but Tilly won’t move her arse to come down.”

"Leave that to me." Duffy giggled. She walked into the hallway and leant around the bottom of the stairs. "Matilda Fairhead get yourself down here now!" She yelled, shooting Lottie a wink.

Tilly groaned and got up off the bed and wandered to the top of the stairs, ”I ain’t done nothing!”

"I'd like a word with you Tilly."

Tilly pouted and came downstairs, “Yes mum?”

"Eat your biscuits downstairs and don't annoy your sister OK?"

Tilly shrugged, “That friend of hers has got a proper attitude.”

"How about we all sit down together and have a chat?" Duffy suggested.

Tilly shrugged.

Duffy called Emily and Beth to come downstairs to join herself and the twins to have a drink and some biscuits. Duffy decided to seize the chance whilst Charlie was at the park with the younger boys and Jake and Krystal were in town.

Beth and Tilly exchanged looks over the table.

"I thought it would be nice for us girls to all get to know each other." Duffy smiled encouragingly.

Emily nodded, “OK.”

"Who wants to start?"

“I will.” Said Lottie quietly.

"OK Lottiepop." Duffy smiled.

There was a silence for a minute, “What shall I say?” Lottie asked with a giggle.

"Anything, what would you like to tell Beth about yourself?"

Lottie shrugged, “I’m Tilly’s twin but I’m not childish.”

Duffy sighed and rubbed the skin between her eyebrows. This might be trickier than she thought.

“Tilly and I are different, even though we look the same. I’m quieter, she’s-“ Lottie pointed to Tilly, “gob on legs.”

"Oi!" Tilly retorted.

“I’m just saying.”

"How do you put up with this every day?" Beth asked Emily as she watched the twins squabble.

“You get used to it.” Emily replied with a giggle.

"It must be quite a difference for you compared to home." Duffy smiled at Beth.

“It’s heck of a lot noisy.” Beth replied with a smile.

"So what are your favourite things to do Beth?" Duffy asked, shooting the twins a look to pack it in.

“I like to draw,” Beth replied, “And play netball.”

"Oh I was terrible at netball at school." Duffy chuckled.

“I like football too.”

"Peter and Jake play football." Tilly remarked.

“Do they? Maybe we can all have a kick around one day.”

"Yeh, I'm sure they'd both enjoy that." Duffy smiled.

Tilly was fidgeting in her chair, a clear sign that there was something she wanted to ask.

Duffy looked at her daughter and smiled, “Go on Tilly. I’m sure you’re dying to ask something.”

"Nuh uh, Beth yelled at me last time!" Tilly pouted.

“You’re fidgeting.” Duffy pointed out.

"Only if she promises not to yell."

“Fine. I promise.”

"Are yous twos lesbos?" Tilly asked.

Duffy put her head in her hands. "I taught you better English than that!" She sighed.

Emily sighed, “I think so. I dunno. I like boys too.”

"See! I told ya!" Lottie crowed at Tilly.

Tilly shrugged, “So you’re bi-something?”

"Bisexual is the word you're looking for Tilly." Duffy explained.

“That’s it! Bisexual!” Lottie giggled, “We learnt about that in sex ed.”

"I'm glad to hear you've been listening in those lessons." Duffy smiled.

“Tilly don’t pay attention. She’s too busy drooling over Tommy’s dick.” Lottie laughed loudly. “She wishes anyway!”

"Lottie!" Tilly sulked. "At least he don't have a tiny knob like Lewis does!" She shot back.

“Shut up!” They began to bicker again.

"Girls!" Duffy sighed. She turned to Beth. "They talk a good talk but most of it is nonsense. At least I hope it is." She grimaced.

“Probably!”

"You ok?" Duffy asked Emily, reaching across the table to squeeze her daughter's hand.

Emily nodded, “Yes mama.”

"Have you spoken to your older brothers about all this? Coz I don't think the twins will keep their mouths shut for long..."

“Not yet. I don’t really know what to say. Does dad know I’m... you know?”

"Yes he does. Maybe talk to them one at a time? I think Peter has some news of his own for you all too."

Emily frowned softly, “He does?”

"Sarah's knocked up!" Tilly blurted out.

“What’s that got to do with us?” Emily asked, “Sarah and Peter haven’t been together for years.”

"Its Peter's!" Lottie added before Duffy had chance to stop her.

"That can't be right. Jake said that Sarah is dating Zeke's big brother AJ..." Emily replied, her brows knitted in confusion.

“It seems she’s been having sex with both.” Lottie replied.

“Then how can she know who’s the dad?” Emily asked, her brows still knitted in confusion.

"I'm not sure this is an appropriate conversation..." Duffy interrupted, shocked as she hadn't been aware of that detail.

"Sex with two blokes at the same time... That's a bit of a slaggy thing to do..." Tilly mused, not considering how her comment could be construed.

“Tilly! Shut up!” Emily snapped, “You have no idea, do you?! She’s not a slag for having sex with two men! It happens sometimes. A man can sleep with as many women as he wants and he’s not called a slag, is he?!”

"Sez the lesbian!" Tilly fired back.

Lottie couldn't help noticing that their mum had gone awful quiet and pale.

Emily stood up, “Words hurt Tilly! You should be careful what you say and how it can be construed to people around the table!”

"What the hell you on about?" Tilly asked, genuinely baffled.

“You really don’t know, do you?”

"Know what?" Tilly asked, looking at Lottie who just shrugged in return, equally in the dark.

Duffy got up and walked out the room. She couldn't listen any more.

“Mum and dad were married to other people, they had... an affair.” Emily said quietly, “So does that make mum a slag?!”

"Nah, they broke up, got married to other people and then got back together after they split up with those people... Right?!" Tilly replied, her voice getting increasingly uncertain.

“No they didn’t.”

"How do you know?!" Lottie demanded.

Beth slipped out of the room to follow Duffy whilst Emily dealt with her sisters.

“You alright?” Beth asked as she sat next to Duffy.

“I asked mum, once. Cos of things Louis was saying.” Emily admitted.

"I'm fine." Duffy replied reflexively from where she sat on the bottom of the stairs.

"Louis chats shit." Tilly shrugged.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah but this time he weren’t!!”

"My own daughter thinks I'm a slag - yeh I'm just great!"

"What did he say?"

“Tilly doesn’t mean that,” Beth reassured.

“That mum and dad were seeing each other behind his mum’s back!”

"She's right though." Duffy sighed.

"Fuck!" Lottie gasped. "It all makes sense now..!"

“No, she isn’t.”

Duffy didn't speak for a few moments as she stared at the floor. "You must be wondering what the hell kinda family you've gotten yourself involved with..."

“No, not at all. I know life isn’t always easy or simple.”

"That was not what I was expecting to happen when I invited everyone downstairs."

“I know.” Beth smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry the girls were rude to you. They should know better than that so I'll be having words with them."

“They weren’t. They’re just outspoken.” Beth smiled, “Curious.”

"That's one word for it!" Duffy snorted.

“They don’t mean any harm. They just don’t always think.”

"No they don't." Duffy pushed herself to her feet. "I best go make sure they haven't all killed each other." "

When Duffy returned to the kitchen, all three girls were quiet.

"Dare I ask..?" Duffy began.

“You and dad had an affair?” Lottie asked.

"Yes."

“Ok.”

“I shouldn’t have said what I said. Sorry mama.” Tilly looked up at her mum.

"Its ok. I know you didn't mean it the way it came out. You just need to think before you speak in future Tots."

Tilly nodded, “I’ll try harder.” She got up and hugged her mum tightly.

"Trying is all you can do." Duffy smiled.

Lottie and Emily both ended up hugging their mum.

[melodiouswhite]

Classic literature vine compilations - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde pt. 05

(A/N: Another compilation, because there are too many single vines and incorrect quotes)

Lady Summers: How many times do I have to tell you not to wear the red dress, when we go to a party? Alma: Come on, this is my best and favourite dress! What do you have against it? Lady Summers: If you want to walk around like this in Whitechapel, fine. But we're going to a court ball! You can't dress in red! Hyde: Awww, why not? It looks so gorgeous on her! Jekyll: Only fallen women wear red. Hyde: So? She's not one and still looks like a goddess in red. Alma: Damn right! Thank you, Mr. Hyde! Also, sister dearest, did I mention that this Romanian Baron Cleranescu will be there? Lady Summers: … Lady Summers: Never mind, dress like a vile temptress. Alma: *smirks* Gladly! Hyde: *grins* This is going to be fun! Utterson, Lanyon and Jekyll: … Lanyon: I have a sense of foreboding … Utterson: Me too. Jekyll: I bet fifty Pound Sterling, that this evening will be a disaster. Hyde: *smirks* I'll take that bet! 

--

Jekyll, after Lanyon left him: My boyfriend of 15 years broke up with me. Utterson: That's rough, buddy. Utterson on the inside: Perhaps now I have a chance …

--

Poole: Bradshaw, we need to hide all the wine bottles. Bradshaw: Another domestic with Dr. Lanyon? Poole: No, a full on fight. Bradshaw: On a scale from one to ten, how bad was it? Poole: An eleven. Dr. Lanyon broke up with him. Bradshaw: Oh crap. Poole: Yeah. And knowing our master, he will drink himself into a stupor for several days and nights, before burying himself in his work. Bradshaw: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go hide the bottles.

--

Simon Stride: Lisa Carew, can this be you Simon Stride: What is this man that you have taken- Lisa Carew: Simon, shut up and listen here- Lisa Carew: You think you're cool, but you're mistaken.

--

Utterson: I'm the calmest person in the group. Hyde: Some twats hurt Lanyon. Utterson: … Utterson: Mr. Hyde, would you do me a favour? Hyde: Fine, because it's you. Utterson: Kill them all. Hyde: *smirks predatorily* Gladly.

--

Lady Summers: Alma, you need to come out, we're going to be late! Alma: I'm a lesbian! Lady Summers: Not what I meant, but I support you!

--

Some rando: *pointing at Hyde* Lol, look at that kid! He has women's hips! A prostitute: Are you suicidal? *quickly backs away* Hyde: *slowly turning around* What did you just say about me?! Hyde: *grabs the guy's ankle and flings him around like a ragdoll*

--

Lanyon: Who's in our bathroom? Utterson: I hired a drunk gremlin to compliment us. Hyde, to Lanyon: Are you a model? Lanyon: … Yes.

--

Lanyon: Why do we even need coming out day? I mean, everyone's a little gay- Jekyll, with Utterson in his arms: Well, I'm a big gay and today I'm coming out as the world's biggest gay!

--

Lady Summers, to the gentlemen and her siblings: Hey, everybody! Today my second cousin Wilhelm pushed me, so I'm starting a kickstarter to put him down. Lady Summers: *opens a chart* Benefits of killing him would be I would get pushed way less.

--

Lanyon, after breaking up with Jekyll: Gha! I still can't believe he did that! Lanyon: But then again, what did I expect. When was the last time he actually treated me like his boyfriend. Lady Summers: Precisely five months and seven days ago, when he surprisingly remembered your anniversary. Lanyon: *sighs* Why did I date him? Lady Summers: Because he dabbed it up with you. Lanyon: Why did I let that happen? Lady Summers: Because he got you both full up the knocker. And because you were wild young men in love. Lanyon: Why am I even discussing this with you right now? Lady Summers: *shrugs* Beats me. 

--

Utterson: I think I see now how it happened. Utterson: Last evening at dinner, when the baron saw Her Ladyship give her rose to Dr. Lanyon, he was furious. He dropped a steak knife into his purse- Hyde: Big deal, I took a whole plate set! Utterson: NOT NOW, EDWARD!!! 

--

Alma: Listen, you punk! You wanna fight with someone, you're gonna have to fight with me! But I warn you: I did time in Newgate. Some prisoner: Newgate's a men's prison. Alma: I know, it took my sister bailing me out a month later for them to find out. Hyde: … This was amazing! However did you pull that off?! Alma: I live and work in Whitechapel, it's not that different. 

--

Jekyll: And that girl's father still wouldn't leave me alone! What is that with all these people thinking that a bachelor would be eager to get married at the age of fifty?! Hyde: Gee, I dunno. Maybe it's because you're rich and good-looking and a doctor? Or because of everyone is expected to marry? Then lead a dead boring marriage with a dead boring woman, while pretending that everything is sunshine and rainbows? Oh, and as the frosting on the cake, make a bunch of screaming, annoying brats? Jekyll: *chuckles* I don't need a wife to have all that. Hyde: *ignoring the last jab like a boss* What about the girl? Was she at least funny? Jekyll: She was cute and nice to talk to, but she was clearly not on board with her father's intention to make her marry me. Besides, she was seventeen! If I ever got around to marry (which will never happen), it would have to be someone closer to my age. Hyde: *winks* Like your lawyer? Jekyll: *blushes* That … that's illegal … Hyde: *smirks* But you would, if you could, right? Jekyll: … If he wanted me. 

--

Jekyll: Babe, do the thing! Utterson: *genuinely smiles* Both Jekyll & Hyde: *breathless* Holy shit … 

--

Hyde: I don't do other emotions besides anger and excitement. Utterson: *exists* Hyde: *blushes* Oh no, he's making me feel other emotions! 

--

Jekyll, holding a human heart in his hand: Edward … what is this?! Hyde: A heart, obviously! I thought you're a doctor, you ought to know what a human heart looks like! Jekyll: I do, but why is it in my office?! Where did you get it from and-? Hyde: Well, today is Valentine's Day, right? I wanted to give you something special and since I couldn't cut my own heart out, I took the one of the guy who humiliated you last week. Jekyll: … Jekyll, trying his best to hide his disgust: Uhm … thank you, Edward. You shouldn't have … but flowers or a box of chocolates would have done it too. 

--

Alma, on the telephone: Y'ello? Lady Summers: What did you do. Alma: Alright, but you can't be angry at me. Lady Summers: What. Did you. Do?! Alma: Well, first: I was minding my own business- Lady Summers: SCHWACHSINN!!! Alma: I waaaaas! Lady Summers: And what exactly happened, while you were "minding your own business"?! Alma: Well, I was on my nightly walk through Whitechapel, doing a class, when suddenly these scumbags blocked my path! Alma: And one of them said: "LIE ON YOUR BACK!" And I responded with: "I'm not your wife last night!" And they took exception to that. Buuut, you know how that song and dance goes. Alma: So I castrated all but one of them! Lady Summers: What happened to the last one? Alma: Pussed out like a bitch! Silver lining: They will never pass on their disgusting rapist genes! 

--

Utterson, to Jekyll: So, Lady Summers told me that Hyde can take a corporeal for to a certain degree, when you're in control. Jekyll: Yes, but it only works in my lab. Why? Utterson: Where did you get that hickey on your neck? Jekyll: *blushes* Wh-wha-I-uh-I, uuhhhh- *Jekyll suddenly turns into Hyde* Hyde: *grins* Oh yeah. I totally did that. Utterson: *blushes* So … uhm … did you two … you know … Lanyon: Did you fuck each other? Utterson: Lanyon! Hyde: Nah, but we would, if we could! Utterson: … Lanyon: Whelp, there goes my mind- hey, are you okay, Gabriel? Utterson: *on the verge of tears* Oh my god, why, oh the pictures in my head, I'll never- 

--

Jekyll & Hyde: *yelling at each other like a dysfunctional couple having a domestic* Utterson, Lanyon & Lady Summers: *watching* … Utterson: I'm slowly losing my will to live. Lady Summers: I'm slowly losing my mind over their idiocy. Lanyon: I already lost both. -_- 

--

Lanyon: *singing* When I think about my worries and I think about my strife, here is what I simply say- Lanyon: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

--

Hyde: uwu uwu uwu uwu uwu … Jekyll, slowly losing his last shred of sanity: You know, I'm this close to killing myself just to spite you. Hyde: *falls silent immediately* 

--

Jekyll, about Utterson: Sir, that's my emotional support lawyer. Utterson, about Jekyll: Sir, that's my emotional support mad scientist. 

--

Lady Summers: Your most exalted Majesty, I would like you to meet my emotional support physician. *points at Lanyon* Lanyon: *blushes like no tomorrow* Queen Victoria: Awww! Congratulations, dear! He's not the most handsome fellow, but he's definitely a keeper! ^_^ Lady Summers: I know. <3

--

Hyde: It’s time for your daily dosis of pain! Jekyll: Oh no, please don’t! Hyde: *injects him a liquid* Jekyll: *whimpering* Ow.

--

Jekyll: Where were you when my entry got only four likes?! Lanyon: I was making four accounts, bro. Jekyll: Bro!

--

Henry, about Edwina Hyde: Sir, that's my emotional support delinquent. Edwina: Huh? *oblivious and confused as heck* Gabriel: *concern for husband and new friend intensifies*

--

Utterson: Do you want more tea, Edward? Hyde: Nah, thanks, I'm good. Utterson: Anything else? Hyde: Well, now that you mention it, there is one thing … Hyde: *points to a nearby bush* Could you tell Dr. Lanyon to stop stalking us?! He’s starting to annoy me! Lanyon: *pops out of the bush, armed with a rifle* Ohhh! You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Mr. Hyde?!

--

Lady Summers: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And rats. Those little bastards will getcha. 

--

Utterson: I have a problem! Lanyon: Throw the ring into the fire. Utterson: I don't have a ring! I have Hyde! Lanyon: Then throw the Hyde into the fire. Utterson: But I can't throw Hyde into the fire! Lanyon: *shrugs* Well, then you have a problem. Utterson: … Thank you. 

--

Hyde: *looking at Sir Carew from afar* Hyde: How about I beat that old geezer to death? Lady Summers: *unsheathes her sword* How about you don't?

--

Hyde: My evil knows no bounds! Also Hyde: *witnesses child molestation* EW, WHAT THE FUCK, THIS IS TOO MUCH!!! 

--

Lanyon: I'm pleasantly surprised. Hyde: Huh? Why? Lanyon: So you do have standards after all. Hyde: o_e Hyde: You're referring to my reaction to that pedo bullshit, aren't you? Lanyon: Yes. Hyde: … Hyde: Dr. Lanyon, do you realise that by suspecting me of pedophilia, you would accuse Jekyll as well? Lanyon: *thinking* Holy shit, I didn't think of that! Hyde: Think next time, before you jump to conclusions. You're lucky Jekyll holds you so dear. Lanyon: Mr. Hyde, I'm so sorry! Hyde: *frowns* Yeah, you better be. 

--

Lanyon: Milady, I would die for you. Lady Summers: … Lady Summers: Listen, I know that this is supposed to be romantic and all, but please don't die for me. How am I supposed to live without my doctor? Lanyon: *speechless*

--

Hyde: Wait, how many lovers could an asexual doctor possibly have had? Two? Three?  Lanyon: Well, it depends, what is your definition of a lover?  Hyde: *grins* Any person you bring to a fevered pitch of uncontrollable ecstasy! Utterson: *stares at him* Lanyon: Oh! Fifty-six. Utterson and Hyde: *stare at Lanyon* Hyde: *lowers his tea cup* … Excuse me? Lanyon: I had about fifty-six lovers. Of course that was before I began to seriously date Henry. I probably would have had more, but I wasn't allowed to start dating till I was sixteen. Hyde: Fifty-six? Fifty-six?! Utterson: Oh god, stand back! He's gonna blow!  Hyde: What do you mean, you had fifty-six lovers?! You told Henry you were a virgin, when you hooked up with him!  Lanyon: Hey, you can have a lover without having to go all the way!  Hyde: You cannot! If that were true, Hastie, that would mean you were a slut!  Utterson: Oh come on, Edward, how can you say that? So the man had fifty-six lovers in one year, he's not a slut.  Lanyon: Thank you, Gabriel- Utterson: He's THE slut! Lanyon and Hyde: *stare at him* Utterson: He's the grand Poobah of slutdom! He's the easiest man in this room! Hyde: Gabriel John Utterson, you take that back! Utterson: The slut is dead, long live the slut! *points at Lanyon* 

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs One Tree Hill S1

No matter how many times I watch the pilot I consistently forget that Nathan and Peyton used to date

“Don’t bother showering tonight” is that really your come-on Peyton I will never understand sports

Lmao @ Nathan and Peyton “OTP: Distracted Driving”

“You’re despicable, you know that,” said Dan, a literal future murderer

I’m always so thrown when ppl in shows start drinking at their workplaces like what kind of bold behaviour Whitey you work at a high school

“What are you wasting your time at now?” Nathan ur a terrible boyfriend

“I say that the people who pray here are wasting their time. God doesn’t watch sports” I know Lucas is pretentious as all hell but this is my favourite line in any sports show ever

Karen is such a good mom ahhhhh like she just wants Lucas to be happy and she knows he’ll put other people’s happiness first 

Dan calling Lucas ‘this kid’ like he’s not his wholeass son what a dick

It’s not lost on me that Keith telling Lucas stories about his father means that it’s Lucas’s grandfather Keith Scott is truly the only dad in this show who matters

“So why’d you just tell me all that” because he loves to monologue

“If I could [change the fact that Lucas exists], I would” Dan answer your door I need to send you a very rude telegram

I am in love with Moira Kelly and also I want Karen to punch Dan

The music of this show is really.... transcendent 

Djhfkjhfkjh since Lucas is implied to have like, five friends.... is that crowd of supporters hugging him just a bunch of people who think Nathan is a dick

I admire Lucas for deciding he was gonna put up with all this bullshit to do something he loves

Omg I forgot that Brooke wasn’t in the pilot she’s such a major character

“Nice hands” “Nice legs” Emo flirting in a jock setting lmaooooo

My inner 2007 angst awakens every time I hear Gavin Degraw. He is THAT bitch

“You ever think I might want to talk” Peyton and Nathan’s relationship is truly nothing but blind horniness they have nothing in common at all in this juncture of their lives

“I didn’t invite you to come in, I just asked if you wanted to” Peyton is so weird but I kind of want to marry her. Is this what Lucas feels like

Lucas’s economic status is really part of Brooke’s romance criteria at the age of 17 they teach the bourgeois early huh

Oh my god I cannot BELIEVE Jake recommended Atlas Shrugged to Lucas jhjhgjhgjh the undertones of this basketball show really are about capitalism

HAHAHAH Nathan’s word being “revenge” calm down Sasuke Uchiha

I haven’t said so yet but Haley is so very endearing she’s great

God. Lucas turning around to reveal to Dan that he’s cast away his name. HE is that bitch

Ghjkghjkgh Keith hissing at the rude Boosters mum. Love of my life

“Maybe he’s gay” “No, I think he’s just nice” who writes this dumbass show

“Do you even care that it’s slipping away” maybe it’s because I went away for university but the idea that someone is this deeply invested in their kid’s high school basketball career is. A lot

Nathan simultaneously trying to bother Lucas and pass English while about to fall in love: I can multitask!!!

Update: He also managed to trash Lucas’s favourite basketball court somehow in all his business. He really can multitask!

“If it makes you feel any better I called some woman a bitch the other day” [giggle] I love Karen and Lucas’s relationship

Haley is such a good friend to Lucas and hoo boy Nathan when do you grow a conscience

“You’re both so broody. You could brood together” that’s it, that’s Peyton and Lucas

These emails and VCR references are really dating this show

Nathan is a straight up sociopath in these early eps my god he humiliates Lucas publicly twice at this party and just pops over to Haley like “Hey cutie :) Idk why Lucas is so mad :) I’m rlly nice :)”

Nathan really taking his girlfriend’s car to hit on another woman how much of a crapbag

As soon as I said this he (drunk?) drove her car into a streetlight my god 

Deb and Karen having a nice lesbian coffee shop AU would be a pleasant turn in this show instead of literally anything that happens in either of their narratives

“Why would you even go there” “Because I loved getting dumped on” That is... accurate

“I’ll call you when you’re not so PMS” said Nathan, when his (ex) girlfriend rightfully lambasted him for crashing her car

I take it back Peyton and Nathan do have one thing in common it’s their disregard for traffic laws

HELL YEAH Keith IS your dad Lucas <3 <3 <3 <3 

Whitey talks a lot of shit for someone who advised Dan to abandon Luke 

I had been wondering why Lucas had the Scott name when Dan is such an ephemeral piece of shit and I guess there’s my answer thanks Karen 

Does Haley ever find out about the shit Nathan pulled at the party I feel like these are relevant details in her budding affection

“Dad send you to spy on me? Poison my drink?” This is the second time in two episodes Deb has been accused of being Dan’s spy I wonder if she still considers that a red flag 17 years into marriage

“One of the boys doesn’t have a father” BUUUUURN Dan

Rhkgjhgjkh the last moment of this scene:

Keith: There is enough room in my heart for each of my brother’s mistreated sons even the rude ones Nathan

Nathan, experiencing a split second of paternal love: :O

Ghkjghkjgh the Scott bonding in hatred of Dan continues with Lucas asking Nathan if he too would like to spite Dan:

Lucas: You will be receiving your “I Hate Dan Scott” Club invitation in the mail shortly Nathan, mom, Uncle Keith and I hold meetings biweekly

Nathan: Biweekly as in every two weeks or twice a week 

Lucas: Both! See you on Tuesday

“Does this mean we’re dating” yes it does the mixed CD is emo code

“Good luck with your game” “yeah, you too, Ma” hehehehe

Someone revoke this college medic’s license hoo boy

Ghjghkgh Lucas keeping his money tucked into his boxers what a doofus

I can’t believe Nathan and Lucas’s second big bonding moment is threatening dudes while in their boxers after beating on each other what a brotherly bond lmao

Okay but highkey if ur a lady and ur friends are gonna leave you alone and vulnerable at night get new friends

“I can live without my shirt” Nathan is thirteen shades of petty lmaooo

Dan is such a bad (abusive) father that Nathan literally would prefer to have none at all my god 

“Can I tell you a secret? I pretended too” just get marrrried 

“Thanks for cutting Lucas some slack” talk about accepting the bare minimum Haley kjhgkjhgkj

Brooke is really unbearable in this episode is it any wonder her, Lucas and Peyton’s relationship is as dysfunctional as it will soon become 

Hoo boy the one (1) time Nathan doesn’t do something douchey and he gets blamed for it 

LMAO @ Lucas approaching the one girl at this school with commitment issues with a bold “I wanna be here [in your heart]” hahaha

“Yeah, they can have their world,” said Lucas to Haley, about the two people they would literally go on to marry

The fact that Peyton doesn’t turn off her webcam and just covers it also really speaks to the era

This Gabe dude is really ready to assault a minor like he’s not just a r*pist he’s also a predator double KO 

It is not lost upon me that it looks like one pill has been popped out before so he is also a serial r*pist big fucking yikes

“What, you got a cellphone too, dawg? Things sure have changed” also quite dated hahahaha

They really went out of the way to redeem Brooke not only did she give Nathan and Haley a very very cute date she also saved her friend from being assaulted

“So you don’t have any brothers, do you” jhgkhgkhg Brooke please 

“Why are you only nice to me when we’re alone” a very legitimate question Haley

Nathan’s dating methodology: There’s nothing in life that can’t be solved with make-outs

Deb is really so nice but every time I look at her I think of her drinking a lot and sleeping with Nathan’s friends lmao

Haha that North Carolina sign explains the mild Southern accents 

Aieeeeeeeeeee you kiss that man and follow your dreams Karen

Even if Nathan is still A Lot this season him and Haley are so cute:

Haley, smiling: We can’t do this here right now

Nathan, giggling: We just did

Lucas says more to Dan by constantly leaving with a look of disgust than any words ever could

“My heart’s racing too. That’s what happens when I’m around you. (And on drugs. I’m very unstable Haley.)”

Lucas and Nathan’s very intentional “pressure from your dad” and “you don’t know anything about my dad” bc Lucas will not acknowledge that Senor Crabag Sr. is anything resembling a father bless 

Drunk tattoos with crush’s bff Lucas has decided to make all mistakes at once and I respect it

Poor Keith he is trying his best but Lucas just chose this week to hit his rebellious phase

YESSSSSSSSSS DEB KICK THAT ASS OUT OF THIS HOUSE

“Do you really think that Nathan would choose you over me” uh???? Are you not aware you are... the worst father in town

Brooke you were fully aware of Peyton and Lucas’s vibing and actively pursued him/interfered so you have no moral high ground to be like “:) I’d never choose a boy over my friendship”

Skillz and Mouth accurate “hoo boy don’t look” when ur friends start PDA

“Mom doesn’t want things to get back to normal, she wants them to be better” hell yeah Nathan gaining emotional intelligence

Lucas quit projecting your childhood issues onto Jake he too is a child let him decide how he wants to live Jenny’s 6 months old not like she’s gonna remember lmao

Damn Nathan LET LOOSE on Dan fuck that dude

JGFHJGFJGFJH I forgot Gavin Degraw had a cameo hahahahah

Did Luke.......... break into Jake’s house. His parents work at night how was he able to get into Jake’s coffee table

“You do not have to feel like a third wheel” The pure dumbass energy.... Peyton is literally CRYING do u really think her issue is “third wheel” you KNOW she and Lucas had a thing Brooke???????

Me watching this team form a brotherly bond over their mutual love of basketball: Mayhaps sports are... good 

Hahahaha Lucas threatening Peyton’s dad with a rake is weirdly endearing

“Hey you.” “Hey you, and you,” is a good summary of this seasons Brooke/Lucas/Peyton dynamic lmao

Why is Dan’s head... shaped that away. It is like a bar of soap

“I don’t mind you playing ‘Daddy’ to one of my offspring, but leave the good one alone, will you?” Dan. Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot at midnight and we’ll have words

“The whole Nice Guy thing is wearing kind of thin” foreshadowing for all the dick moves Lucas is about to pull lmao

“He’s got you skipping school now?” “Lucas talk to me when you get your tattoo removed”

Lucas:

Lucas is such a meddler lmao how many family dynamics is he going to alter

I don’t trust Dan being nice for a minute all he wants is the upper hand with Deb in the inevitable custody battle over Nathan

Props to Nathan and Haley for somehow, some way, being the only normal couple on this show despite their incredibly dubious origins lmao

Scott family dinners are bananas I count four (4) major revelations and they haven’t even revealed that Deb and Dan are separated

Lucas and Peyton are really hitting every fictional couple trope in this ep - road trip, bed sharing, hurt/comfort, truly the YA bases 

“The truth? In this house?” Props to Deb for drama lmao 

Brooke saying ‘I love you’ you’ve been dating for like two episodes but okay kjhgkjhg

I can’t say I understand Nathan’s logic lmao but I guess they have to bring him back to basketball sometime

Wow Lucas zero hesitation on that second kiss lmao u r a mess

This scene is the definition of “that escalated quickly” they go straight to undressing 

HAHAHAH NATHAN BEING SHIRTLESS IN HALEY’S DREAM FOR NO REASON 10/10 TEENAGE ACCURACY

“How do you explain being with me and not her?” “Because with you, I saw a future” that’s Dan code for ‘I’m a gold digger’

You’re literally macking on Peyton in the middle of the hallway while you’re dating the other most popular girl in school Lucas how are you this ridiculous and bold BREAK UP WITH BROOKE U DUMBASS

“So what are we going to do” I’ll tell you what you should do BREAK UP WITH BROOKE

Keith it is still daylight out stop bringing alcohol into this high school you have a drinking problem

“Can’t control love, you know?” THAT’S NOT ADVICE LUCAS BREAK UP WITH BROOKE

I really can’t handle watching Keith and Lucas self-destruct this episode how is Nathan the only Scott in a happy, healthy relationship

“You know that this is... wrong, so that makes it feel... deeper?” Lucas asks, as if he were not entirely in the wrong by carrying on with Peyton (who is not in a relationship) while dating Brooke

“I don’t want to hurt Brooke,” he said, about to start his third secret cheating makeout session of the week

“But then again our spouses aren’t here are they” [Deb opens door] COMEDIC TIMING

Gjjhgkjhg Nathan revealing his messed up intentions with Haley entirely by accident Scotts have no self-control whatsoever it’s their kekkei genkai

Lucas evading responsibility for his romance crimes by literally dying

Hahahah Karen’s confused vibes at Brooke are kind of the highlight of this episode 

How funny would it be if Lucas woke up to Karen scolding him about his tattoo

Hahahaha for such dysfunctional partners Nathan and Peyton are excellent exes 

AHHHHHHHHH LUCAS WAKING UP TO HIS BROTHER... MY HEART

Keith rlly was gonna propose after zero (0) days of dating I’m telling you no self-control is truly the Scott clan kekkei genkai

Ahhhh bless Karen’s compassion 

Dan is literally blackmailing his son into staying in his custody he is in Deb’s words an “abusive son of a bitch”

Fucking finally Lucas ends this sham of a relationship with Brooke

It’s wild that Nathan is the only Scott with a happy and healthy romantic relationship 

Nathan divorcing his parents is a real power move 

I’m glad Haley announced Sheryl Crow’s name because let me tell you I would not have recognized her on sight

“How’s my daughter” Lucas really chooses exclusively to hook up with people who have devastating emotional consequences for his immediate friend group huh

“Funny I didn’t know you were forgiving at all” Lmao Peyton is that really the position you’re going to take after cheating with your best friend’s boyfriend 

All the deodorant product placement lmao ‘this ep sponsored by Secret’ 

All things considered I think Lucas is handling Haley’s constant ditching p well 

Bfhkghghjg Keith buying a new shirt just to go to dinner with Karen stop

OH MY GOD THE EP REALLY WAS SPONSORED BY SECRET IT’S GOT SECRET ON THE CHEER COMPETITION BANNERS AND A LITTLE GIFT BAG RANDOMLY IN ALL THE CHEERLEADER CONFRONTATIONS JKGHKJGH

The comedic timing of “hungover idiots” panning to Karen and Larry kills me

“She used to be this totally original.... Haley” what does this mean????

I don’t think Nathan and Haley are being entirely fair to Lucas bc he was only a dick once she ditched him twice (or thrice?) in one weekend 

This boy toy auction as a concept is so inappropriate on so many levels

“I get Nathan for free” Fhjkfhkfjh Haley pls

God I was so very concerned about whether or not Nathan and Peyton were gonna kiss 

“You’re not a mess, you’re just in love” [Ole Del Paso Girl voice] Why not both?

“She’s nine months old, just in case you forgot” to be fair I assume Nikki gave birth so she would remember that you can’t hold that one over her 

It must take Lucas some mental disconnect to assume Peyton and Nathan are cheating when he also kissed Haley

Fhjfhkjfhjfh Keith fulfilling my fave trope of ‘we are not even dating but how about we get married bc we’ve been repressed in love for years’

“You know I asked your mom to get an abortion,” said Dan, to his literal son

I really can’t figure where this pregnancy storyline is going bc I know Brooke doesn’t have a baby

Nathan and Haley really need to consider oral or smth there’s a middle ground between making out and having vaginal sex

“It all hurts just the same” Brooke really out here trying to say that cheating is in any way equivalent to faking a pregnancy (even if only for a week)

Peyton and Brooke are way more invested in each other than Lucas 

“I got you a high five” Hahahhaa I love Peyton 

Gary like: Wow Nathan it’s humanizing that your father is an abusive dick

“Maybe this is the one that changed him” Lucas joining Dan as the second and only non-Dan member of the Dan Scott Apologism Club

It’s wholly unreasonable that Haley expects her boyfriend not to look at p*rn lmao

I love all this Lucas and Nathan bonding but I hate that it comes at the cost of Dan being near them at all u stay away from those boys u manipulative fuck

Ah the foreshadowing about Peyton changing in front of her webcam finally pays off

I’m no legal expert but I don’t think that taking your daughter out of state will help you in the custody battle in the long term Jake - nor will dropping out of high school

“What do I get out of it” r u 4 real Keith u dont get payment for loving your family

“I’m leaving because I can’t look at you anymore without my heart breaking” I like you Keith but that sounds like a You Problem

This is a fun way to shoot this episode One Tree Hill has such good directing tbh

Nathan discarding the Scott name from his jersey just like Lucas did in ep 2: 

Haley: Having sex will solve all of my problems Nathan what are you talking about

I remembered that at some point Deb and Keith have sex and I’m glad they fuck things up early bc I could not deal if it was later on

“I’ll miss you too, little brother” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

KJKGHKJHGJHKJHGKJHKJ I CAN’T BELIEVE NATHAN AND HALEY GOT MARRIED JUST TO HAVE SEX THIS IS WHY THEY DON’T LET PEOPLE YOUNGER THAN 18 VOTE

[freespiritdani]

Okay, @freespiritdani, I wanna see how brave you are... The ASK ME STUFF list. All of them except the first one and the last one. Love ya lots, Mom.

Braver than you think, dear daughter! 

You should know be better than that, you’ve known me all your life....

Here goes:

2: Age -39

3: 3 Fears - flying, heights, snakes

4: 3 things I love - motorcycles, horses, being and living in the country

5: 4 turns on - intelligence, smile, heart, laughter

6: 4 turns off - body hair not on the scalp, bad hygiene, the male of the species, arrogance

7: My best friend - @cherokeesapphicangel 

8: Sexual orientation - lesbian and proud of it

9: My best first date - November 7, 2005, with the woman who would eventually become my world and my wife

10: How tall am I - 5′4″

11: What do I miss - things I’m no longer allowed to do post-heart attack

12: What time were I born - 6:12 AM

13: Favourite color - bright red

14: Do I have a crush - does my wife count?

15: Favourite quote - “Love is too beautiful to be hidden in a closet.”

16: Favourite place - at home, on the sofa, curled up next to my precious Angel

17: Favourite food - sushi

18: Do I use sarcasm - Now whatever gave you that idea? (in other words, yes)

19: What am I listening to right now - my precious Angel’s heartbeat

20: First thing I notice in new person - body language

21: Shoe size - 7

22: Eye color - chocolate brown

23: Hair color - black, no dyes.

24: Favourite style of clothing - “provocative”

25: Ever done a prank call? - yes

(where, perchance, is #26? LOL)S

27: Meaning behind my URL - I’m a free spirit.

28: Favourite movie - Hoodwinked!

29: Favourite song - “Niki Nana (We Are One)”, Yanni

30: Favourite band - don’t really have one

31: How I feel right now - very happy and content

32: Someone I love - my precious Angel (my wife)

33: My current relationship status - happily married

34: My relationship with my parents - they’re deceased (Mom in 2001, Dad in 2019)

35: Favourite holiday - Halloween

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - yes, classified (intimate)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - Also classified (same reason)

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - Choices fandom

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - you could say that....

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - from my daughters

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - How the hell do I know? I have no clue who you last texted!

42: When did I last hold hands? - right now

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - anywhere from 2 minutes to an hour

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - uh, yeah!

45: Where am I right now? - lying in bed with my wife, all cuddled up

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - the mortician

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - yes

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - I’m alive and they’re not, so I’m going with “no”

49: Am I excited for anything? - Yes

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Yes. My brother.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Whenever I meet an asshole that’s going out of his/her way to be annoying

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - a few minutes ago.

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - Not gonna happen

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - yes

55: What is something I disliked about today? - went by too quickly

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Oh dear god, that list is too long to whittle it down to just one LOL

57: What do I think about most? - a toss up between cooking for my wife and sex with my wife

58: What’s my strangest talent? - strange to whom?

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I repeat, strange to whom?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Behind, if a camera must be involved at all.

61: What was the last lie I told? - that I had totally given up drinking about 8 months before I really did

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - neither

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and Yes

64: Do I believe in magic? - Yes

65: Do I believe in luck? - Yes

66: What’s the weather like right now? - cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - Cover to cover? The Rite by Jennifer Bene

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? No

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Yes, many, most of them not polite.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - Numerous in a car accident in 2018, most serious of which was a punctured lung

71: Do I spend money or save it? Spend. That’s why Angel is in charge of the money LOL

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? Whose tongue? With my own tongue, no.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? *devilish grin* Yes there is....

74: Favourite animal? - Eagle

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - cumming

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - Artrip

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - “Show Me How You Burlesque”, Christina Aguilera

78: How can you win my heart? - (my wife already did LOL), show me you care about me.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - “Here lies a girl whose only crutch/Was loving one woman just a little too much”

80: What is my favorite word? - kitten

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - not without their permission

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - “If your religion causes you to be a bigot, something is wrong with your religion”

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - No

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - healing

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - If something happened to your wife and she died, how well would you take it?”

86: What is my current desktop picture? - See picture above question 2

87: Had sex? - Yes, as often as possible

88: Bought condoms? - no

89: Gotten pregnant? -Yes

90: Failed a class?- No

91: Kissed a boy? - Yes, unfortunately. 

92: Kissed a girl? - Yes, and I liked it

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - Yes

94: Had job? - Still have job

95: Left the house without my wallet? - Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - Not that I’m aware of

97: Had sex in public? - Yes, more than once

98: Played on a sports team? - Yes

99: Smoked weed? - Yes

100: Did drugs? - Yes

101: Smoked cigarettes? - Yes

102: Drank alcohol? - Yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - HELL no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? No

106: Been to a wedding? Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

109: Been outside my home country? Yes

110: Gotten my heart broken? Yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112: Broken a bone? Yes

113: Cut myself? Intentionally, no. Accidentally, yes

114: Been to prom? Yes

115: Been in airplane? Yes, once, when I was 8 years old. Had to be sedated because I panicked big time

116: Fly by helicopter? If being life flighted from an accident scene to the nearest hospital counts, then yes.

117: What concerts have I been to? Yanni, Christina Aguilera, Melissa Etheridge

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? DUH, I’m lesbian! My crushes by definition are Lesbian

119: Learned another language? Yes

120: Wore make up? Yes

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yes

122: Had oral sex? Yes

123: Dyed my hair? No

124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yes

126: Had a surgery? Yes

127: Met someone famous? Yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network? No

129: Peed outside? Yes

130: Been fishing? Yes

131: Helped with charity? Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? Yes

133: Broken a mirror? Yes

134: What do I want for birthday? To be with family, especially my wife

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? Already have them, Marti and Staci

136: Was I named after anyone? First name, no. Middle name, my maternal grandmother

137: Do I like my handwriting? no

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? my teddy bear

139: Favourite Tv Show? Mythbusters (off the air now)

140: Where do I want to live when older? Where I live now

141: Play any musical instrument? Piano, violin, harp, didgeridoo

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Heart surgery

143: Favourite pizza toping? Pineapple (sue me)

144: Am I afraid of the dark? No

145: Am I afraid of heights? Deathly afraid

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes to both

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yes

148: What I’m really bad at - Taking credit for anything

149: What my greatest achievments are - raising 2 amazing daughters

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “The only thing you’ll ever amount to is being a pretty cum dumpster”

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery - retire

152: What do I like about myself - my body

153: My closest Tumblr friend - my sister

154: Something I fantasise about - not being so short

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: how's all the prep going? Rio: Oh my God Rio: it feels good to talk to someone over the age of 12, put it that way Rio: its getting there but I might not 🤪🥴😵 Nancy: same cos Buster's acting like a 5 year old rn Nancy: I wish I was there helping Rio: Travelling brings out the worst in 'em Rio: if I have to see an airport with mine this year, too soon 😬❌ Rio: we could use your 👀 Rio: I'm sure there will still be shit to do when you all get here Nancy: Did your dad convince your mum about a honeymoon though? Nancy: Asking cos I wanna steal you away for a while Nancy: When I get there I'm gonna have so many 📷 to set up and take but I'll definitely make time for any finishing touches there are Rio: 😘😘😘 Rio: s'more convincing nan and granddad that your parents and the rest will help out controlling the masses whilst they're off 🎔☽ Rio: a reason we can NEVER find a babysitter 🙄 Nancy: Oh come on! If my mum gets involved they'll be perfect 😇s Rio: 😂 Rio: I'd be happy to test the theory Rio: going to be so good to see you again! Nancy: Me too if it'd get her off my back 🙄 Nancy: I've missed you so much! Rio: Uh-oh, what's the latest crusade with her? Rio: Girl, same! So much catching up Nancy: Who can keep track? This week it's something about how I spend too much time in my room Nancy: Like doesn't she realise I don't sleep in a cell? I have everything I need Rio: Right? Rio: At least we're past grounding, was such a laughable punishment when its not the 50s or something, please Nancy: malted milkshakes and jukeboxes yes, the rest of the 50s, no Rio: But you'd look so fetching in a circle skirt 😉 Rio: what are you wearing though Rio: I've been so busy making sure the kids are actually clothed that I'm not remotely ready, ugh Nancy: Also less likely to be hatecrimed when it's just gals being pals 😉 Nancy: [a pic of her outfit cos we don't have one yet gang] Nancy: oh my god if you're not joking dad better start speeding! You really need my help ASAP Rio: Don't rub it in, or I'll be at the back of the bus heckling you Rio: me and all MY #sistas Rio: 😍 you look so good, I'll ignore your white feminism if you tell him to step on it Nancy: 😳 x 10000 like Nancy: But I'll demand it Rio: 🧡 Rio: Its a mood, catch me stealthing down the aisle at the back, please, steal the show, kids Nancy: 💚 Nancy: Honestly I feel nervous & I don't have to do the walk/nobody's gonna be looking at me Rio: Awh, don't be Rio: Honestly, everything is so extra, no one will know where to look Rio: you know them Nancy: I was safe to assume that Junie isn't answering me cos he's 😳 x 10000000 then, yeah? Rio: No doubt Rio: I can't even find him to tell him to reply Rio: if I spot him Nancy: It's fine I'll see him soon anyway Rio: God bless him Nancy: I need out of this car now & away from all of them Rio: I can feel the tension from here, babe Nancy: If he spends another sec on speaker talking to his friends about last night's party I will have to throw his phone out of the window Rio: Eww Rio: your brother is 1000% gonna be THAT businessman on the train that wants everyone to hear his convo Nancy: I know Rio: then pops a few blood vessels when someone tells him otherwise Rio: you poor thing, forreal Nancy: He got into a fight at the party over some girl 🙄 But of course the other lad was the only one hurt Nancy: How am I related to this idiot? Rio: How have your parents not turned the car around or at least threatened to Nancy: He doesn't wanna come which means he is, no matter what Nancy: Even if he was 🤕 Rio: Also do you live in Chelsea or a bad American teen drama Rio: the dramatics 😂 Nancy: Right? But it's me getting lectured by my mother regularly Nancy: your favouritism is showing again Rio: We all like you better, don't worry babe Nancy: thanks Nancy: if your parents wanna adopt me, now is good Rio: What's one more is pratically the family motto so why not Rio: you'll have to miss all the WILD parties and the even wilder bants Rio: reckon you'll survive? Nancy: just about Rio: Be honest Rio: if I go to town right now, what are the odds of the kids staying semi-presentable? Nancy: It'd be single figures Nancy: like 5% maybe Rio: Yeah Rio: but even less chance of me getting something wearable if I ask my boy to bring something with him, right? Nancy: Unless he's very fashion forward Nancy: You could tell him to go to ours and raid my wardrobe? Rio: Such a humblebrag, Nancy McKenna 😏 Nancy: If you don't want my advice or designer labels, don't ask, like Rio: 😂 Rio: how is it possible I have nothing suitable in my whole ass wardrobe Nancy: This family has had a surprisingly few weddings in our lifetime Nancy: & there's no chance of you re-purposing what you wore to my parents' big day all those years ago so Nancy: I'll make a detour and pick something up for you Nancy: if you trust me Rio: The amount of sin is truly unholy Rio: my grandma be 😠 at all these heathens Rio: and that feels like forever ago Rio: dread to think what I was rocking but at least I was cute Nancy: So 😢 I couldn't bring a date to meet your grandma she sounds lovely Nancy: [finds a pic of the baze wedding like] Nancy: you were the cutest! Look! Rio: Love the sinner, hate the sin, sweetie 😘 Rio: Oh lord Nancy: Says you but what happened to ME? Nancy: I'm like a different person rn and it's not a glow up Rio: Shh, you look beautiful, are you kidding Nancy: I look like my parents are into medieval torture & put me on a rack Nancy: not cute Rio: Oh 'cos being tall is so unappealing Rio: all those leggy supermodels, YUCK Nancy: 😂 Rio: Anyone saying different is obviously jealous Nancy: How very teen drama Nancy: the girl who hates me really loves me 💋 Rio: better start loudly talking about that Rio: your 'rents will be so proud Nancy: They aren't likely to hear me over Buster's dramatic playlist 🎶 Rio: Now you're just making shit up 😂 Nancy: [records him as proof hey boy hey looking like a moody fuckboy snack over there no doubt] Rio: He really did just look at the window like a music video, huh Rio: also praying you make it here unmurdered now, girl 🙏🤞 Nancy: He wouldn't dare start a fight with us in our finery 👗👠 mum & dad would kill him Nancy: or I could with the 👠 Rio: Gotta stay favourite, yeah Nancy: definitely Rio: catch me being no ones 'cos I'm not coming Rio: see you tomorrow, like 👋 Nancy: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo Nancy: you have to Nancy: don't leave me with my evil twin Rio: 😩 but Rio: so over this before its begun Nancy: please Ri Nancy: I'll make it fun somehow Rio: There's no escape anyhow Rio: so many people here already just 👀 @ me Rio: I'm not putting on a fucking poofy dress I'm sorry Nancy: you don't have to Nancy: bridesmaid but keep it fashion Rio: I tried on some actual bridesmaid dresses but I felt so stupid Rio: why is it all floor-length and fucking Rio: the excess material Rio: I don't wanna drown in tulle, I'm not 5 Nancy: gross Nancy: I promise to never get married first of all Nancy: second of all I'm gonna make sure you look 🔥 today so Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: I've got to start on the drinks now though, sorry Nancy: show me what's in your wardrobe & I'll try & remember what's in mine Rio: I love you but you remember what I said about floor-length? Nancy: okay okay just yours then Nancy: come on, I can do this Rio: [does] Rio: but honestly, fuck it Nancy: there's so much I could make work Nancy: & no reason for us both to hate our outfits Rio: I won't hate it, I'll just be hated Rio: mainly by my grandma 💁 Nancy: as soon as Buster arrives his attitude will pull focus Nancy: plenty to keep your grandma busy in this car Rio: He'd never be that nice to me Rio: even unintentionally Nancy: I will then Nancy: thinking of a scene to cause as we speak Rio: 😏 Rio: such a shame there'll be no hot girls there you aren't related to 💔 Nancy: if only hitchhikers were still a thing Rio: So predatory for a 13 year old Rio: flip that script honey Nancy: it's the lesbian way Nancy: ask every girl at my school Rio: Ugh, turning their backs in the changing room is it? Rio: like half of 'em have got anything to hide, people are ridiculous Nancy: Yeah Rio: Its more than that then Nancy: It's not a story for today Rio: Later Rio: when you've caught up Nancy: when I've taken my make up off maybe Nancy: it took a really long time Rio: it looks 🔥 Nancy: it's not too much, right? You'd tell me Rio: Of course Rio: but it so isn't, its great Nancy: thanks Nancy: a benefit of doing it in February, our faces won't melt off & I'm not sunburnt Rio: They've thought of you at least Rio: love that Nancy: I'll try & remember to thank them too, like Rio: Thank whichever God made you gay too Rio: boys are such dicks Nancy: I got stuck with a brother so I'd still suffer Nancy: probably won't 🙏 Rio: Well you can ignore him Rio: sure you both prefer it that way Nancy: You can ignore any boys you want Nancy: or don't want Rio: Nah Rio: not when I'm this hard to ignore yeah Nancy: all the more reason Nancy: when you look like you look you can take your pick Rio: I already have, that's what I'm saying Nancy: & they're still dicks? Rio: He is Nancy: So dump him Nancy: there must be some boys in existence who aren't Rio: Eh Rio: None as cute Nancy: Gross Rio: Shut up 🙄 Nancy: if you wanna talk about boys you've come to the wrong place Rio: excuse me Rio: you've literally talked about your hitchhiker fantasy so you can deal with it Nancy: I don't have a fantasy I was trying to think of a diversion to horrify your grandma Rio: Sure Nancy: It's a shame Buster would never swap outfits with me Nancy: a move like that really would pull focus from what you're wearing Rio: I hate to break it to you but not really Rio: already got so many chicks in suits Rio: you know this is MY parents wedding, not yours Nancy: but how many boys in dresses do you have? Rio: I'll check Rio: my parents have weird friends, babe Rio: and have you met my siblings like Rio: your the normie branch of the fam, no amount of lesbian angst is changing that for you, I'm so sorry Nancy: at least they have friends, mine have co-dependence Nancy: and yeah, I'm trying to get adopted in, remember? Rio: 😍 romantic Rio: we'll swap Rio: I need the break Nancy: you and Buster would kill each other in seconds Nancy: but if you can survive long enough to end him I support it Rio: Duh Nancy: I've heard 'you should see the other guy' enough to be sure it's bullshit Nancy: you can take him Rio: I know Rio: trust me Nancy: he hasn't lost a 🥊 for ages it's way past due Rio: Weddings always end in a scrap Rio: may as well take it for the team honestly Nancy: fights & drunken displays happen whenever this family gets together Nancy: again, take your pick Rio: I'm not drunk but tah for the faith, babe Nancy: it's early still Rio: 😒 Nancy: they are all driving me to drink & I don't even Rio: Slainte Nancy: exactly Rio: Fuck it, I'm going town Nancy: do you have time? Rio: Sure Nancy: Then yeah go Rio: ✌ see you when you get here Nancy: I'll find you as soon as we show up Rio: Do Rio: I'll be the bombshell Nancy: I'll be the awkward ginger Nancy: 💚💋 Rio: 🧡💋

[sailorportia]

Flirting with Disaster

Fandom: Little Witch Academia Pairing: Hannah England x Amanda O’Neill

Femslash February 2019 [Index post] Day 7: Disaster

approx. 1400 words, rated T

also available on Ao3

In which a much-enamored Hannah is forced to work on a project with Amanda, and things go as well for her as you might imagine.

"This is a complete and utter disaster," Hannah groaned.

"Why does it have to be both?' Barbara asked. "Why can't it be just a complete disaster? Or an utter disaster? It doesn't seem bad enough to be both."

"Just because you're my favourite bookworm doesn't mean I'll let you play with my words like that. Don't pretend you don't want to see me flailing in front of Amanda."

Barbara giggled. "Alright then, I won't pretend."

Hannah's day had gone from bad to worse. The morning started as every morning did, with Hannah worrying about how she'd deal with her growing feelings for Amanda fucking O'Neill. She didn't want to have feelings for someone as wild and unpredictable as the rambunctious American, but her heart didn't get the memo—it pounded against her chest like a jackhammer whenever Amanda was around. Her situation certainly wasn't helped by the way Amanda messed with her on a daily basis.

That day, right after lunch, Amanda ambushed Hannah with a potion that stuck her shoes to the floor. Amanda also happened to be close enough that she was stuck as well. It took Barbara so long to unstick them that they were late for class. Finnelan was none too please; her punishment was to force the three of them to work together on a project. The Inquisition couldn't have devised a more fitting punishment for the young witches.

"This is the worst," Hannah said. "We wouldn't be in this situation if Amanda weren't so obsessed with annoying me."

"Maybe she's like a twelve year-old boy and this her way of showing she has a crush on you," Barbara suggested.

"I remember twelve year-old boys' crushes and they were never as annoying as this."

"Maybe because this is the first time you felt the same, and you wish your crush was sweeter on you."

Hannah rolled her eyes. She wouldn't survive the afternoon if she had to deal with Barbara's teasing as well as Amanda's harassment. Resigned to her fate, Hannah followed Barbara to the library, where they'd agreed to meet Amanda.

They found the American lounging in the corner of the library, leaning back in her chair with her feet on the table. Hannah cursed herself for ogling Amanda's legs, but fortunately they distracted her from the unseemly up skirt view her crush was offering.

"Hey Hannah, Barbara. Took you long enough," Amanda said. "Let's get this over with. I'd rather not be seen hanging around with you dorks."

Hannah took the seat next to Amanda. And then realized what she'd done and threw out a rude remark to compensate. "This is your fault in the first place, jackass. If you didn't want to be seen with us, you shouldn't have stuck us together with our stupid potion!"

Before Amanda could retort, Barbara interjected, "These genealogies aren't going to write themselves out."

"What kind of boring project is this anyway?" Amanda groaned. "Every witch knows about every other witches family. Way too much." Well, except for Akko, but she was the exception more often than the rule.

Hannah sighed. "Why does it not surprise me that you have no respect for your own magical heritage?"

"I don't have any problem with my dead ancestors," Amanda grumbled. "It's the live ones who make me hate magic."

Hannah averted her eyes. "I didn't say anything about needing to like your family..."

"O-kay," Barbara said sternly. "Let's hit the books before this turns into group therapy."

Hannah and Amanda stood up and went to the bookshelves to find genealogy books. They went to the same shelf. And reached for the same book. Their hands touched.

"W-watch what you're doing!" Hannah drew her hand back as if it were scalded.

"Right back atcha, England," Amanda fired back. She practically danced away from the shelf.

"Oh, I'm back to England now?" Hannah hated that she kept track of how Amanda referred to her. She'd been "Hannah" for ages—occasionally a mean nickname—and her heart fell at the sudden return to formality.

"I can call you whatever I want." Amanda stood awkwardly nearby. "Just... hand me some books and I'll carry them over to the table."

"Whatever." Hannah didn't want to over-analyze Amanda's actions. After all, Barbara would do it for her later. 12 year-old boy with a crush, my ass.

Hannah and Amanda returned to the table each with a stack of books. The three of them went to work,

As much as Hannah hated to admit it, Amanda was right; the assignment was boring. But she would never admit it. Amanda would never let her forget it.

Five minutes later...

"Ugh, this is so boring!" Hannah slammed her book shut. "If I read the name 'England' again today, I'm going to leave the country."

"I think that happened somewhere on my family tree." Amanda squinted at her assignment. "Yeah, between the Ireland stuff and the America stuff there's a lot of hate for England."

"Swell." Hannah didn't even try to hide her bitterness.

Amanda blushed. "I didn't—not like you England, like the country." She hid behind her family tree.

"Give me those." Barbara grabbed Hannah and Amanda's family trees. She looked them over and slid them back across the table. "You've both got enough to keep Finnelan happy. No need for leaving the country today."

"Thank the nine," Amanda said.

"That I won't be leaving the country?" Hannah asked a little too hopefully.

Amanda laughed nervously. "Um, uh, no. I meant that we're done. I'm tired of looking at my stupid, old family."

"You shouldn't talk about your family that way," Hannah said mildly.

"Why not? They're a bunch of human trash heaps."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't say it." As Barbara had said, they didn't need to turn this into group therapy, but Hannah had a feeling they had similar problems when it came to the families they were lucky enough not to be around.

"Well, the great thing about families is you can always get a new one," Barbara said, pointing to her left ring finger.

"Marriage?" Amanda scoffed. "Gay."

"Scoff all you like, but it looks like there's two family trees tangling as we speak." Barbara pointed at the two assignments lying on Hannah and Amanda's side of the table, one laid over the other like lovers' hands.

"Urk!" Hannah blushed furiously, and reprimanded her best friend even more furiously. "Don't even joke about that! There's no way I could—that I would ever—"

"I-I-I would never marry Hannah!" Amanda spluttered. "Who wants to be an England!?"

Barbara spotted weakness and went straight for the jugular. "Oh, so you'd be taking her name then?"

Hannah looked at Amanda in surprise; Amanda reeled back so fast she damn near fell out of her chair. "I-I-I'm not going to marry anyone!

Barbara wasn't done with her prey just yet. She shook her jaws to snap the neck. "I don't approve of my best friend's suitor planning to live in sin with her."

"I, uh, no—" Amanda ran her hand through her hair in a frazzled sort of way. "Who said anything about me and Hannah? It's not like I like her or anything."

Barbara smirked at Hannah. Her eyes conveyed a silent "I told you so."

Knowing full well that she would regret it, Hannah pick up her pen again and held it over their family trees. "Should we attach our family trees and draw a line between them then? Ooh, what if we added some kids? Did you have any names in mind? Maybe some Irish names to honour that O'Neill heritage. Would it be perverse to give Irish names to an England?"

Amanda seemed to dissolve on the spot. Face red with both rage and embarrassment, she snatched her family tree away and tried to storm off. As it were, she tripped over her agile dancer's feet and careened into a stack of books. She was out of the library before anyone could yell at her to pick them up.

"I'm impressed, Hannah," Barbara said. "Teasing your crush? Soon you'll be wooing her."

Hannah barely heard her; her head was against the desk, buried in her arms. Her burning ears betrayed her embarrassment. "Shut up."

"And here you thought this was going to be a disaster." Barbara smirked. "What you got was a disaster lesbian. Well, you don't 'got' her yet, but you'll put a ring on it someday."

"I sure hope so. I already added her to my family tree." In pen. For the sake of a joke. She hoped Diana knew a great erasing spell.

[1112lw]

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so 

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s 

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears 

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so 

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so 

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb 

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so 

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget 

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked 

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so 

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep 

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically 

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if 

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY 

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old 

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so 

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no 

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal 

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee 

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school 

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official​ @ace-landofthesun​ @dorkalisious​ and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, chapters 6-13 [the rest of Epilogue 2]

I’m told that there are 40 chapters, and a postscript, in Candy - and also that it’s split into 8 individual ‘epilogues’ within that, of varying length. ‘Epilogue 2′ began with chapter 4, featuring Rose and Kanaya. So I kind of cut it off in exactly the wrong place. Oops!

Anyway I’m going to split these up by Epilogue section from now on. This one covers the rest of Epilogue 2, which mostly concerns shipping, and processing of feelings.

Here are the irons in the fire at the outset of chapter 6:

Gamzee is back! he claims to be setting out on a ‘redemption arc’

Terezi is in space somewhere looking for Vriska, but set to return at some point, and not all that happy that Gamzee’s back

Dirk has perceived some bad news. And briefly spoken about it with Jane, though without explaining anything.

But that’s all Epilogue 1 stuff - old hat!

Rose has suddenly recovered from her illness, and is patching things up with Kanaya

Jade has attempted to push Dave and Karkat to admit they’re into each other, but really just made things worse

Jane attempted to run for President of Earth C - to the trepidation of the Karkat, who hyperbolically suggested this would amount to troll genocide - but abandoned the idea

That’s all interesting but let’s talk about money! This is something I didn’t pick up on in the last post:

KARKAT: OK, SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOUR PRIORITIES ARE: NUMBER ONE, THE ECONOMY, WHICH LET ME REMIND YOU IS BUILT ENTIRELY ON INFINITE, FAKE MONEY THAT WE CAN MAKE AS MUCH OF AS WE WANT.

Elsewhere, Jane’s megacorp and stocks are mentioned.

One wonders why, given the machinery to manufacture just about anything by means of alchemizer, the forms of money, stocks, and corporations are retained... what sort of productive and reproductive labour is regulated and mediated by these markets? Or are they merely acting out the vestigial forms of capitalism as a bizarre drama...

As for the consequences of an infinite money supply, let’s not get into the ‘modern monetary theory’ debate on a Homestuck post, maybe.

on to chapter 6+

This is a Jane chapter. It opens almost immediately with economic discussion; Dave apparently once accused Jane of ‘neoliberal corporate welfare’ for trying to bolster the ‘struggling locksmith industry’ rendered unnecessary on a planet without crime.

She’s visiting Jake, who’s probably my least favourite Homestuck character (who’s not an alpha troll). About Dirk... Jake (Jane says) seems to still have a bit of a thing for him, and Jane, meanwhile, still “has no idea why she can’t get [Jake] out of her system, even after all these years.”

The reason Jane cancelled her run was, it turns out, because Dirk said ‘cancel everything’. She gets drunk, very quickly... and hits on Jake, who is completely oblivious to her advances. She speaks of wanting to abandon business to raise a family, which Jake himself notes is something rather new for her (though the whole traditional gender thing she does isn’t lol)

Jake/Jane isn’t a ship I have any sort of opinion about, honestly. Dirk/Jake’s terrible collapsing relationship was kind of interesting but yeah, here’s a thing. What even are heterosexuals though? “I want to clean your giant house and have a lot of children”... incomprehensible!

One thing I will give credit for is the narration: it creates pretty strong images of like, these characters as fully embodied people, being intimate in like, subtle physical ways. that probably doesn’t make a lot of sense... whatever lol. it works

chapter 7

...brings us back to Gamzee. fittingly, i’m listening to the friendsim soundtrack as i read this, and i just hit ‘take me to clown church’.

anyway since this whole story basically seems to be an exercise in developing ships along the lines of ‘A is into B, B is obvious to their advances’... Roxy’s hot for John now I guess? or at least, so Callie thinks. she insists they’re all going to be ‘very, very happy’ despite her disappointment.

anyway, then we get Gamzee saying a bunch of casually misogynist stuff to John about Roxy. in this context, basically two interpretations are shown: a shallow ‘oh he’s redeemed now’ attitude from Roxy and Callie, and a ‘oh god i hate this person keep him away from me’ attitude from John. Gamzee’s repulsive qualities are underlined by the narration (from John’s perspective): he’s unhygienic, he’s casually misogynist (which seems like a new element, and rather out of keeping with the gendered-but-somehow-theoretically-not-patriarchal Alternia)...

chapter 8

Rose and Kanaya chapter. Jane’s possible presidency is once again the subject of discussion. Jane apparently wanted to apply some kind of anti-troll eugenics policy, and tried to bring Kanaya on board - and got told to fuck off for it. Our two good lesbians agree that, if Karkat were president (and Dave running the economy), things might have worked out ok...

We are briefly introduced to a new character, a jadeblood troll called Swifer Eggmop. Her character archetype, we are directly told, is ‘1920s newsboy’.

We bear witness to an egg hatching (in prose, anyway). This particular baby grub out closely resembling Vriska... which Kanaya says is because she comes from a slurry based on the original 12 trolls. Rose notes this would make Vriska the troll’s Ancestor, which raises an interesting question of whether Ancestors still exist as a social concept on Earth C. Anyway, Kanaya wants to adopt baby Vriska, which can only be a fantastic idea...

KANAYA: There Are Two Things Of Which I Have No Doubt

KANAYA: That You And I Are Going To Be Happy For The Rest Of Our Lives

KANAYA: And That We Are Never Ever Going To See Vriska Again

I think we can safely assume that neither of those things are true. The emphasis on ‘happiness forever’, voiced by multiple characters, is interesting... also the turn towards reproduction.

I went to uni with people who have kids now. Heck I have friends who have a child (who they are trying to spare from gender)... but for most of my social circle, which is to say almost entirely 20-to-30-something trans women, even the idea of adopting is incomprehensible? It’s somehow weird to think of ‘wanting kids’ as the narrative of 20-something year olds...

Kanaya is right. Vriska is dead, and despite everything, she died a hero. Vriska was a complicated figure of contrasting extremes; her heroic actions were matched in scale only by her monstrous ones, and since no one had actually witnessed her end, it was impossible to say which side the pendulum swung and judged her death—Heroic or Just.

It would be a fitting memorial for her and Kanaya to raise a version of Vriska who would be given every chance to make good on her noble characteristics. A true, symbolic redemption arc. Something about the thought appeals to Rose’s taste for the dramatic flourish. It would be proof that this was all worth it in the end: the destruction of multiple universes, the death of Kanaya’s friends, the circuitous rites of suffering experienced by the nearly infinite splintered versions of every being to inhabit Paradox Space...  

Once again, the notion of a ‘redemption arc’ enters the narrative explicitly, directly echoing fandom discussion. Unlike Gamzee, this is studiously neutral on the Vriska Question: steering exactly between ‘Vriska did nothing wrong’, nor ‘Vriska is a monster’. Regardless... I think it’s probably safe to say that everyone’s prophecies are wrong and we haven’t seen the last of the ‘true’ Vriska.

chapter 9

More of Jade trying very hard to ship her friends, to the discomfort of everyone involved. Jade kisses Karkat, and Karkat explicitly names what she’s doing as sexual assault, a violation of boundaries and consent - Jade attempts to convince him that no, it was really Dave who kissed him!

This prompts a long monologue from Dave in which it’s obvious that he has put some thought into kissing Karkat. Point seems to be: they sure are into each other but Jade’s intervention is not at all welcome. At least I hope that’s the point. I would prefer not to see Jade vindicated by the narrative.

Anyway, other things of cultural note: grub spaghetti is apparently still eaten on Earth C. I always thought it was implied that ‘grubs’ in Troll food were like, actual troll babies, but maybe they’re just ordinary (for certain values thereof...) bugs bc I don’t think Kanaya would stand for that.

chapter 10

The ‘Jane running for president’ subplot has largely disappeared, because what we’re really here for is... shipping! This time, a John/Roxy chapter. I think they call it Roxygen or something? Terezi explains the ‘pair the spares’ logic of the ship (dequirkified):

TEREZI: Um, yeah John.

TEREZI: We are not idiots. We can all do the math on this.

TEREZI:  It’s not like you were going to fuck your human mom or human sister.

TEREZI: And you are “not a homosexual,” which takes Strider dick out of the equation.

TEREZI: And Kanaya is the only girl troll left, and she lesbian married one of the two remaining eligible human females.

TEREZI: Oh and Jake is a double threat. A human dad with a human dick!

TEREZI: So by a process of elimination, of *course* you were going to “fall in love” with Roxy.

Equation of ‘dick’ with ‘male’ there terezi but whatever... (god is this fic going to get into the question of what a ‘nook’ and a ‘bulge’ is...)

(lol i’m calling it a fic...)

Anyway, my position on this one is: Roxy/Calliope was a fine ship worth upholding, and I do not see any reason why anyone would be into John. Though I may be biased on that front.

Terezi also brings up the Calliope question. John is trepidatious on that front.

There’s an interesting line from Roxy here, when John tries to assure her she doesn’t have to wear makeup:

ROXY: john...

ROXY: do u ever think about like

ROXY: gender???

JOHN: ???

JOHN: uh. not really, i guess?

JOHN: but i don’t think girls should feel like they HAVE to wear makeup just because they’re girls.

ROXY: lol

ROXY: thats not what im getting at

JOHN: what do you mean then?

JOHN: are you, like...

ROXY: like what

This is where I’m conscious of the ‘trans character’ tag on this one.

They talk about adulthood, as a performance that they do not feel ‘ready’ for. At that point Dave shows up, clearly aflustered after Jade’s intervention:

DAVE: anyone can be a dude if they really want thats part of the beauty of living in this brand new world with none of the baggage our old world had like gender and sexuality and relationships only involving a very specific number of people

chapter 11

So yeah now to pick up the torch on Dave starting to understand he’s gay. here for this

DAVE: theres a metric fucking ton of shit about to come down on me because i dragged my heels on doing some serious self reflection

JOHN: is this just some more stuff about...

JOHN: being gay?

DAVE: maybe yeah

DAVE: ok definitely yeah

DAVE: its 110% about being gay

JOHN: i thought you’d already worked all that stuff out?

DAVE: turns out it takes a long time to figure out your sexuality after a childhood filled with repression and abuse

nice to see it named as such i guess

the dialogue in the last couple of chapters has been really good. i’m getting properly drawn into this, the characters feel extremely well-realised. threads which were long latent are finally being made explicit.

Dave is struggling with very abrupt self-realisation: he definitely has feelings for Karkat, he has complicated feelings for Jade, but the ‘simple’ solution of just entering a non-mono relationship both is not feeling ‘right’ to him. John isn’t really able to help... he’s gonna talk to Dirk.

This chapter does a lot, I really like it, but at the same time I’ve not got a tremendous amount to add to it.

chapter 12

in our latest chapter of ‘homestuck but they fuck now’, Jake and Jane did that - while up on various substances, including at least alcohol and the trickster lollipop. Jake is having second thoughts but when he tries to back out, Jane looks sad, so he decides to go for it. This can only end well.

Also damn I guess someone on the team thought ‘what would it be like to fuck while high on the trickster lollipop’ so uh, that’s a thing now.

chapter 13

Back to the Strider boys. There’s a heavy intro...

Dave and Dirk don’t talk that much about the heavy stuff. They don’t need to. Dave can hear his brother’s voice in his head.

Not, like, literally. That would be insane. But Dave knows what his bro is like. Dirk, or a version of him, instilled in Dave a way of living and thinking that would, for better or worse, persist far beyond the first thirteen years of his upbringing.

Yeah huh.

Can’t believe Rose and Kanaya have the dubious honour of being the most ‘together’ characters in this.

Anyway in this case Dave still feels like he needs to talk to Dirk - who we know has gone awol, for some mysterious reason. He meets... Gamzee, who says some religious clown stuff, and offers Dave a redemption arc (really running this joke into the ground huh), but Dave brushes him off. Then he finds a fembot that Dirk was working on, with a note.

We don’t get to read the note yet. I would guess that’s the end of epilogue 2.

Sure enough it is.

Epilogue 2, taken as a whole

I quite enjoyed this, Gamzee sections notwithstanding. The prose is tight, the dialogue is hitting its flow, and a lot of relationships that were left vague in Homestuck proper are finally being given time to develop.

Obviously it’s kind of risky bringing in explicitly sexual themes, but I think they approach them in the ‘right’ way: focusing on the emotional meaning of relationships that now might - now we’re dealing with 23-year-olds - include sex, rather than just porn lol. It does slightly strain credibility that, in all their time on Earth C, none of them have made any meaningful friendships or relationships outside the core group of 8 kids and a handful of surviving trolls, but I can also understand the desire to focus on the already-developed characters. That’s a common problem for ‘endgame’ ships: in truth dating exclusively within a tiny friendship group is probably a recipe for disaster, but in fiction it makes a work manageable.

I am enjoying just how gay Homestuck has gotten. If Homestuck is the comic for Very Online kids who were around 13 in 2009 when the comic began, it’s somewhat fitting, because our cohort has, at least to a degree, done the same thing lol. Of course, that’s shaped by my personal experience of like, transitioning and moving to a friendship group that’s like 99% trans lesbians and bi women, but I suspect statistics would bear out the idea that more and more people are comfortable identifying ourselves as not-straight in some way. I could be wrong about that though lol.

Of course, it’s too much to hope that this trend - insofar as it exists! - is like, the beginning of the end for Gender as a system of social relations, violent exploitation and coercion - especially since periods of ‘more acceptance’ often seem to precede violent repression (c.f. Weimar Germany and then, the nazis; the period just before the AIDS crisis; much earlier, the construction of colonial/modern gender in the first place on the bones of less rigid gender systems...)

Anyway, let’s see what’s happened to old Dirk. I’m still wondering who the “trans character” is going to be, and how they’re going to handle that. It’s going to be tough to match fic like @rememberwhenyoutried‘s An Earth-Shattering Confession, but we shall see.