#uh no. he's human. they both are. we all are. and they needed money and views.

[xplrvibes]

do you truly believe that the Sam pepper prank was all acting?

Yes. And the conspiracy theory about this is my biggest snc fandom related pet peeve ever lol.

I don't think it's really a matter of "believing" since Sam has stated multiple times - in great detail - how he was in on it and achieved that emotional outburst through a type of method acting that even he was surprised about.

But apparently, it's actually easier for people to believe that Sam is an infallible human being who would lie about being in on this for years to protect a terrible friend who doesn't deserve it and that Colby is a true singular piece of shit than it is to believe that maybe Sam was a hungry, desperate and opportunistic 18 year old (along with Colby obviously) who gladly went along with this because he was smart enough to know it would get them views.

My conspiracy theory about this whole thing is that the unintentional side effect of this prank is that people will forever view Sam as the good one and Colby as the bad one, and they don't want their world view shaken by finding out that maybe they're both just human beings who had an equal say in doing dumb shit early in their career for money.

I also think some people are afraid to acknlowedge that Sam's a good actor, because that would mean having to take a different look at some of the shit he's done in some of their other videos....but that's another story for another time.*

So, instead of taking him, Colby and Sam Pepper all at their word about this, we will just label him an altruistic liar who's falling on the sword for his friend, in spite of the fact that we know Sam has strong boundaries and a really good constitution about cutting people out if they cross them.

And we will continue to bring this up every time anything happens - say, for example, all the people saying that Colby deserved what Sam did in this most recent video and that it was "payback" for the Sam Pepper prank.

It's just easier that way. Sam remains squeaky clean and respectable and held in high esteem, Colby remains the problematic one who's lucky he has Sam and everyone goes home happy.

*this is not to say that I think every single thing Sam has done or every emotion he has shown in a video since has been fake - but if the SP prank is fake, then that does open the door for a wider conversation that nobody wants to have.

**"cry on cue, he's an entertainer" 🤷‍♀️

[dsybouquet]

ceo! ellie - 3

what if a broke uni student met the ceo of one of the most impactful companies right now? without her even knowing?

lowercase is intentional

read part 1 aaaand part 2 right here ! xx

"good to see you, ellie."

"hey dina."

ellie lightly said, giving her lawyer a hug. she in fact was relived to see the silghtly older woman sitting in her office chair, smiling ever so lightly.

"what's the news?"

the ceo asked, lighting herself a cigarette before loosening the hair tie that hold her bun together. she looked at the slightly older woman with confused eyes.

"good or bad news first?"

"good i guess?"

she sat down besides dina to have a look at the lawyers screen, like she would understand all the paragraphs and lawyer language she had all over her desktop.

it‘s been a while since ellie and dina had so much to discuss. when ellie became ceo, they would talk every day, also about non business topics. sometimes they both wonder how they grew apart like this.

"good news is, we will not get sued!"

dina exclaimed, clapping her hands slightly. she threw an encouraging smile at ellie.

"the client is mad, however.. they have a different way for you to make up for it. so the bad news is-"

"let me guess, our yearly charity event should be in honor to them instead of joel?“

the blackhaired woman raised an eyebrow.

"i mean, yeah kinda. they want to be more represented.“

ellie got up from her seat and walked around the office. the smoke of her cigarette hugging her face every time she blew it out.

„did i ever mention how i despise abby sometimes?“

„like every other day.“

dina just laughed it off, she knew how much of an temper ellie could have - and over the years it got just worse.

„no like, seriously. ever since joel died in that car crash i have to deal with her bullshit and i can‘t do anything because they are the biggest client we have!“

and here it goes. ellie threw her cigarette in the ashtray before slumping on her office chair again.

joels death resulted in her taking his place - being the ceo of miller enterprises. and as much as she loved the money and the big cars and the responsibility, she also hated it. none of this is her‘s, it‘s joels. he did all the work, she just had to be next in line.

he had adopted her years after his daughter has passed away due to an medical condition. to say the least, ellie was a rough child and teen. she was loud, sarcastic and had her own will. of course she would listen to joel, after all he wad the only parental figure she had ever have.

„it‘s almost five years now.“

she mumbled, looking at her desk.

ellie hated christmas season and winter. she hated the snow and the beautiful lights. she hated it because it reminded her of him. of the call from dina, the hours in the hospital, the beeping sound of the machine that so desperately tried to keep him alive.

„i know.“

dina added, leaning against ellie’s table. she gave her a encouraging smile.

„how about we start the planning tomorrow? go home and have a good nights rest.“

and so ellie left the office with a small goodbye to dina and went back to her car. she sat down in the drivers seat. as much she loved her car, she didn’t want to drive.

tears slowly build up in her eyes, but she quickly swallowed it when she saw an unfamiliar book on the passenger seat. a book about.. the human psyche ?

you must have forgotten it when ellie dropped you off at home.

„damn it.“

she said under her breath and whipped out her phone, calling your number immediately. and to her surprise you picked up very fast.

„hey ellie! are you okay ?“

your voice was so gentle, ellie was about to die from it’s sweetness.

„hey dear. yeah don’t worry. uh- you forgot your book in my car. need me to drop it off ?“

there was some noise on the background, sounding like you fumbling around in your bag to find it.

„that would be great, ellie. i‘ll make up for it.“

she smiled, starting her engine and looking up your adress from her recent routes.

„i will be there in 20! see ya, ______!“

and off she went, excitement now building up.

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

„hey, thank you so much.“

you smiled, waiting on your doorstep, still in the same hoodie, but with pyjamas pants below now.

„no worries.”

“are you free? i can cook you some dinner. you know, to make up for you having to drive here again?“

now ellie smiled but shook her head.

„no, it‘s fine. don‘t worry.“

„ellie, c‘mon. let me do something for you as well!“

and how could she say no to some with a pretty face like yours?

so she agreed, and you lead her up the stairs to your apartment. it was small but lovely and well decorated. scented candles burned in the hallway and the living room was dimly lit with a lap and the led strips behind your running tv.

„it‘s not much but it‘s affordable - for an uni student at least.“

you smiled before going to your kitchen counted which was connected to your living room.

„what do you mean? it‘s pretty!“

ellie eyes the nerdy figurines on your shelves and the pictures on your walls while you grabbed two wine glasses from your shelf.

„are you fine with a cheap rose?“

you asked her as you opened your fridge. ellie looked at you and just felt all the weight of her work falling off her shoulders. she felt.. normal. like you. oh, how she wished to be an uni student, living her best life in an small apartment instead of leading people and having responsibilities beyond imagination.

of course, she did not have to worry about bills or anything. but money and power doesn’t buy happiness. this does.

„absolutely!“

she sat down on one of your kitchen chairs and watched you pour in the wine with a smile.

„thank you dear.“

she said so softly your knees got weak. and you smiled, letting your glass softly hit hers before taking a sip, not breaking eye contact.

„so, i can offer you: noodles with green pesto, noodles with red pesto, or i can try my luck with a mushroom risotto. additionally, i can also make a side salad.“

you smiled, leaning against the kitchen counter. ellie hadn’t felt this carelessness and even happiness in a while. after all, she never had this.

„risotto sounds amazing.“

she smiled, watching you sigh in despair.

„of course you choose the hardest dish. will not guarantee that it will be good!“

you reached for a pan and put out all ingredients; mushrooms that would have to leave your fridge soon anyways, risotto rice, onion and garlic. the simplicity as so beautiful to ellie.

„let me help.“

and so she cut the mushrooms and washed the rice while you took care of the onions and garlic. the two of you laughed and made fun of each other’s cutting skills while emptying your wine glasses and watching the risotto take form.

„that‘d actually pretty bomb!“

you exclaimed while taking the first bite, already half way down on the second wine glass.

„ellie, we are a great team in the kitchen!“

ellie smiled, agreeing with you.

„like hell, we are!“

you spend your dinner laughing and talking about all sorts of things. friends, memories, drunk accidents that were embarrassing. it felt so light to finally not have business talks with people she couldn’t care less about.

after washing the dishes, and pouring a third glass of wine, you took the conversation to your small but comfortable couch.

and it got late, waaaay too late. and the snow kept falling, causing the streets to be white.

„you shouldn’t be driving home tonight.“

you said, looking at the streets while ellie smoked a cigarette on your balcony.

„nah, i will be fine. i don’t want to take up your space.“

„no ellie, i mean it. we drank, it‘s snowy. it would be better for you to sleep here.“

after a while of convincing, she finally agreed, snapping her cigarette off your balcony.

„and you get to spend more time with me. feel honoured!“

you joked, not knowing that it was exactly what she wanted. to spend more time with you, in this carefree environment. where she can be herself, where she can be just ellie and doesn‘t have to be ellie williams - ceo of miller enterprises.

after finishing the last glass of wine, you decided to call it a night. you gave ellie a hoodie from your closet and a pair of pyjama pants before brushing your teeth in the bathroom and doing your daily skincare. when you returned, you laughed a little. she looked so cute in your huge uni hoodie and the fluffy pj pants.

„why are you laughing?!“

„im just used to seeing you in business clothing. but this is adorable!“

she rolled her eyes and took the spare toothbrush you held in her direction.

„fuck off !“

one more laughter left your throat before you prepared the bed for two. luckily it was big enough. although your couch was comfortable, it was small and most likely would break either your or ellies back when sleeping a night on it.

so you shared a bed. after all, thats nothing to worry about, right?

both of you kind of awkward tugged in before facing each other. the wine did make all of this less awkward. once again you noticed how pretty ellie was. the freckles and little eyebrow scar.. her long lashes that made her green eyes even prettier, her auburn hair that hugger her face perfectly.. she was perfect.

and she thought the same about you. her hand reached out to your face and tugged a piece of your hair behind your ear. oh how she wanted to kiss you - yet she didn’t, not knowing you wanted it too.

“good night, ellie.”

“night, ______.”

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

THERE WE GOOOOO. different from what i wanted, but i hope you enjoy ✧*:.｡.

part 4 is here ! ! bye bye xx

taglist: @harrysslutsstuff @vwonnie @mikaaj @elliewilliamsgf69 @weridcattty @feelsoseencantdream @honeymoonbbie @katymae12344 @aouiaa @bbglmfao

[exceptional-z]

zed necrodopolis x reader

this is an au where zombies were never allowed to go to human high school. so zed is aged up (though age is never mentioned so you can imagine whatever) but has never been on the other side of the barrier. i attempted not to use gendered language but i tend to write with fem!reader in mind.

also please ignore any inconsistent verb tenses. english is not my first language and verb tenses are literally the bane of my existence. + i wrote this in like an hour

your family didn’t have much money growing up, hence why you lived so close to the gate. real estate was cheap since no one wanted to live near the zombies. but it also meant you learnt how to save money in as many ways as you could.

seabrook was all about perfection. if a mattress was two years old, it was time to throw it out and buy a new one. if a bike had a single scratch, it was thrown into the dumpster. all of the old items deemed as ‘garbage’ were brought to a warehouse that was emptied around every two weeks. and this was your favourite place to be.

you sneak into the warehouse. it’s late at night and there’s never any security around. you’re immediately greeted with piles of furniture and clothing and trinkets that are too unique to fit into the seabrook aesthetic.

you start to rummage through with the plastic gloves you always wear just in case any bugs or mice decide that this is a perfect place to burrow. lost in thought, you don’t hear the creaky door open, but you do hear the sudden shout that erupted from behind you.

your heart nearly stops beating at the sudden noise and your head swivels around. the lighting isn’t great, and you can only make out the vague shape of the person blocking your only exit. he looks fairly lanky, and if you squint you could make out some of his features. he doesn’t look much older than you and he certainly doesn’t scream “imposing”. he’s taller than you, but maybe if you caught him off guard you could knock him out with one of the many heavy objects splayed around you.

“i was told no one ever came in here,” the boy says. fuck, his voice is attractive.

“they don’t. in the three years i’ve been doing this i’ve never run into anyone else.” you answer, obviously suspicious.

“i’m uh- i’m just looking for a gift for my little sister,” he explains, “it’s her birthday soon and she said she wanted a new bike but we can’t really afford it.”

you relax a little at his explanation, sharing that you’d gotten into the habit of coming here to rummage for things since your family also doesn’t have much money. “i could help you look if you’d like? and even if we can’t find a bike, there’s a ton of cool stuff you can find if you’re willing to dig.” you offer.

you can’t be sure, but you think he smiles as he answers. “i’ll take any help i can get. my friend eliza told me to try coming here to look, but honestly, i’m a bit overwhelmed.”

you talk and laugh together for what must be at least two hours. you don’t end up finding a bike, but you find an old cheerleader outfit that looks to be in perfect condition. you can’t imagine why anyone would throw it out unless it just didn’t fit anymore. the boy -who still doesn’t have a name- literally jumped up in joy when he saw you holding the skirt from the set, doing a little celebratory dance that should have been embarrassing but was somehow endearing. (that’s how you figured out his little sister was obsessed with cheer).

eventually you have to part ways; it’s getting into the early hours of the morning and you both need to be getting home. he’s halfway down the street when you realise you never shared names and you yell out, “wait!”

he stops and turns around, and you jog to catch up to him.

“what’s your name, stranger?” you ask, “just in case we run into each other again.”

he tells you his name is zed, and you tell him your name in return. for a few seconds the both of you just stand in the street, memorising each other’s faces until you look away, shaking off the thoughts of how attractive he is under the starlight.

(bonus: when zed gets home, all he can think about is you. he wonders if eliza would recognise your name, or if he would possibly run into you if he chose to go to school for once instead of always skipping. he wonders where you live in zombietown, since he doesn’t recognise you and is sure he would remember seeing someone as gorgeous are you. he spends the next few days wondering, and then is in for the shock of his life when he sees you through the fence that blocks off zombietown from seabrook and learns that you’re human.)

[stubz]

>Hello this is Max speaking from the youngling centre

<Ah yes, I'd like to enroll my child for this upcoming year

>Alright how old is your child?

<They just turned 3. Her name is Cyllia

>And how many days a week will she-Amea do not claw Xw, I told you they have 2 more minutes! Sorry, how many days will she we be attending and how long?

<Oh uh no worries, we're thinking 3 days a week for the mornings until the afternoon

>do you know yet what days that will be?

<No not yet.

>Alright no worries, now we'll need her medical information if she has any allergies or conditions. You can send that over with the payment-Amea! What did I say? ...that's right, and if I catch you doing that again I'm moving you. Kim can you...thanks!

<Ha...busy day?

>You have no idea...now the average payment is about $4000 for the year. We accept written statements and electronic transfers. Both would be made out to Youngling Centre

<Okay, I have a few questions about your centre

>Of course, ask away

<So do I need to pack a lunch for her?

>We provide lunch every Wednesday and Friday, all other days you need to give her lunch. And we make sure to keep all meals safe for all species

>Great! My next question is-

<Amea! Kim are you okay?! ...Amea we do not claw the teachers! Now apologize and come sit over here....now Amea...good. Sorry about that

>...yeah yeah no worries. I'll uh actually just email my questions to you later, is that better?

<Yes actually thank you so much-*hiss*-do not hiss at me young lady...oh really? *hiss!* ...yeah, not so fun is it?

>...Amea?

<Yeah...she's a handful...

>...and she's...?

<Human.

>...I'm sorry?

<She's human...just turned 4...I'm also human by the way...oh shoot we're not supposed to hiss back at human children...right that's with other kids...

>She's the one who's been hissing and clawing??

<Very much so...is that all?

>...uh yes...have a...nice day *click*

"...I don't think they're coming to the centre." he mutters looking at the phone

"I told you to take the call outside, the weird human shenanigans spook potential money away!" calls Kim applying a band-aid to herself and Xw. Both having been clawed by Amea who sits grumpily on the stool next to Max.

[incorrect-finding-frankie]

Henry Hotline with a Human Reader who casually stole him to take him to their house

📞|Not many contestants ever really last that long, so he’s never really sure what to expect with the ones he sees.|📞

📞|You and your decisions? Something he literally never expected.|📞

📞|The moment you meet Henry Hotline, he’s suddenly dragged into the rest of your journey. You can somehow pick the phone up.|📞

📞|The whole time, Henry is either being physically lifted up by you—above your head, or you’re just leading him by the hand.|📞

—

“Frankie!”

“No need.” Other Frankie answered immediately, ears twitching. “I know.”

Cartoon Frankie let out a groan. “We gotta do something about this-“

“Nuh-uh.” The other rabbit wagged a finger for a moment.

“What??”

“I want to see where this goes.” He chuckled.

—

📞|About halfway, Henry finally just kind of accepts this whole deal. It’ll probably be better than the other stuff, at least.|📞

📞|Henry has his doubts, though. They all do. No contestant has ever won before.|📞

📞|...But you do. You go through Hexa Havoc with Henry, take the money, and leave with him.|📞

📞|He wonders what his life will be like now.|📞

—

From the cameras, both of the rabbits watched as you disappeared—with Henry Hotline in tow.

The cartoon version was the first to break the silence.

“What the f#^%?!”

[gravityfallsreaderinsert]

Mr. and Mx. Mystery

S1E2 - The Legend of the Gobblewonker

MasterList

In the kitchen was Mabel, Dipper and Y/N. The twins were at the table eating pancakes, really it was Mabel who touched the pancakes you made them, as you were at the stove making more for you and Stan. You finished and placed your share on a plate. Deciding to watch the twins have their fun, you leaned against the counter, plate in hand. You watch as the twins sat in their chairs, maple syrup bottles in hand.

"Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?" Mabel exclaimed holding a Sir Syrup bottle in her hands.  "I'm always ready!" Dipper replied with just as much enthusiasm, holding a Mountie Man bottle. "Then you know what this means!" They both turned their bottle upside down in the air, mouths open trying to see who would get their syrup to fall first. "Syrup race, ahh!" They both shouted, cheering for their respected bottles.

"Go, Sir Syrup!"

"Go, Mountie Man!"

"Go go!" They both shout as the syrup in Mabel's bottle starts coming out faster than Dipper's. She then taps the bottom of her bottle, the syrup dropping first. "Almost... almost... Yes," Mabel coughed as the syrup dropped in her mouth and placed her bottle down. "I won!"

Seeing that Mabel won, Dipper put down his bottle and picked up the newspaper he had on the the table. "Hey, Mabel, check this out." He scoots closer toward her, leaning the paper over so she can see. Mabel's eyes light up from looking at an ad in the paper. "Human-sized hamster balls? I'm human-sized!"

"No, no, Mabel. This," Dipper then points to a different ad in the paper that was advertising a photo contest. "We see weirder stuff than that every day. We didn't get any photos of those gnomes, did we?"

"Nope, just memories. And this beard hair." Mabel then pulls out a tuft of white hair from her sweater. Dipper looks at the hair she’s holding in disgust. "Why did you save that?" Mabel shrugged.

"Mabel drop the hair..." Y/N told her, their face also holds an expression of disgust. She lets the grip of her fingers go, laughing as the hair falls to the floor. After the twins are done talking, Stan comes into the kitchen with his own newspaper in hand. "Good morning, knuckleheads. You three know what day it is?"

"Um... Happy anniversary?" Dipper questions, when he does you put your finished plate in the sink and exclaimed. "If it is, I didn't get anything, I have enough pride to admit that." Then Mabel shouts her own guess,  "Mazel tov!” Stan then hits Dipper and Y/N on the head with his newspaper, "Ow!"

"It's family fun day, ya geniuses!" Stan walks over toward the fridge. "We're cuttin' off work and havin' one of those, ya know," Pulls out a carton of milk and takes a whiff of the inside, "Bonding-type deals." He walks over toward the table again about to take a drink of the milk, until you take it out of his hands and replaced it with the pancakes you cooked him. Dipper looked over at his Uncle and asked, "Grunkle Stan, is this gonna be anything like our last family bonding day?"

Stan and Y/N stood over the twins as the two kids were painting on counterfeit money, a bunch of finished one are hanging behind them to dry. You were guiding the twins on how to draw what was needed as Stan criticized them.

"You call that Ben Franklin? He looks like a woman!"

"I don't know, I kinda it." Once you said that, red and blue lights started flashing outside of the shank with sirens making you all turn towards the window.

"Uh-oh!"

Mabel shivered, "Ohh! The county jail was so cold." You walked over to where Mabel was sitting and rufffle her hair as you closed your eyes and sighed in content. "You have to admit though, being held together made us closer, sweetie."

Stan scarfed the rest of his pancakes down and placed his own plate with yours. He walks over to the table and wrapped his arms around all three of you, "All right, maybe we haven't been the best summer caretaker. But I swear, today we're gonna have some real family fun. Now, who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?"

Everyone cheered, throwing their arms in the air until Dipper processed what Stan said, "Wait. What?"

After you and Stan put your suits on, he handed you another blindfold, you looked at it then toward his face in disbelief. You placed one of your hands on your hip and grabbed the cloth out of his hands. "When you mentioned the blindfolds I thought you only meant the kids." He chuckled, slapped both his hands on your shoulders and gave you a playful kiss on the cheek, "Trust me, you'll love it!" Y/N placed the cloth in their pocket and started heading towards the car.

The kids are already in the backseat of the car when you and Stan get there, their blindfolds on. Stan got behind the wheel and you in the passenger seat and tied your fold over your eyes.

It's only been a few minutes in the car, when Dipper feels uneasy. As he felt the pit in his stomach grow, Stan leaned over to play with the car radio, not looking at the road making the car swerve. Dipper mutters to himself. "Whoa! Whoa! Blindfolds never lead to anything good."

"Wow. I feel like all my other senses are heightened. I can see with my fingers." Mabel touches Dipper's face, he laughs as he feels her hands on his cheek until the car hits a bump in the road. "Whoa! Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?"

Stan laughs, he leans back a little to look at the twins. "Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be." he squints his eyes towards the front eye, hand over them, "What is that, a woodpecker?" The Twins screamed as you shouted Stan's name, all three of you feeling the car crashing through something.

"Okay, okay, open 'em up." Y/N and the twin take off their blindfolds, seeing the Gravity Falls lake in front of them. "Ta-da! It's fishin' season!"

"Fishing?" Mabel questioned as you clasped out hand together in joy walking over to stand in closer to the dock, "Fishing!" Dipper placed his hands on his hips and looked at his Grunkle in suspicion. "What are you playing at, old man?"

"You're gonna love it! The whole town's out here!" The twins looked over at the lake and low and behold it looked like half the town was enjoying a summer day on the lake. Whether it was one person or a whole family, there were multiple boats. Including Lazy Susan with a pan in his hand, asking the fish to jump in it, Toby taking a picture of a man who caught a giant fish, resulting in the man being blinded by the flash and falling in the lake and one boat had Wendy's family in it with Manly Dan grabbing the fish with his hands and punching them in the boat as his sons cheered. Stan took a deep breath as he took it all in and wrapped an arm around Y/N's waist bringing them closer, "That's some quality family bonding!"

"Uncle Stan, why do you want to bond with us all of a sudden?"

"Come on, this is gonna be great! We've never had fishin' buddies before. The guys from the lodge won't go with us. They don't like or trust us." Stan said as he made air quotations.

Y/N picked the kids up and hugged them tight, the two straining for air. "Oh, kids! This is gonna be fun! A chance to be together that isn't crime related." You then put them back on the ground walking back over to Stan, excited. Mabel turns to Dipper, "I think they actually want to fish with us." She whispered, looking over toward their great uncle and auncle. Stan walks over to the two with his hands behind his back. "Hey, I know what'll cheer you sad sacks up. Pow! Pines family fishin' hats. That's hand-stitching, ya know. It's just gonna be you, me, Y/N and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!"

"Ten hours?!" The twins shouted as Stan then pulled out a booked titled '1001 Yuk 'Em Ups'. "I brought the joke book." Dipper grabbed his head in agony, "No. No!" Mabel then grabbed Dipper by the arms and shakes him back and forth, "There has to be a way out of this."

Runs from dock, comes Old Man McGucket, "I seen it! I seen it again! Hoo hoo hoo! The Gravity Falls gobblewonker! Come quick before he scramdoodles away! Ha ha hoo-ah!" He screamed as he crashed into things and overturned a few others. When he stops he starts doing a dance and slaps himself, laughing. The twins walk over to the commotion and as they do Mabel puts her hands together and leaned her cheek on them. "Aw. He's doing a happy jig." McGucket grabbed Mabel by her arms and shouted,  "No!!! It's a jig of grave danger!" Just as he did his son comes out from the cabin on the lake with a spray bottle. "Hey! Hey! Now, what did I tell you about scaring my customers? This is your last warning, dad." McGucket flinches from the water being sprayed at him. "But I got proof this time, by gummity!" He then motions everyone to follow him toward the end of the dock.

"Behold! It's gobbledywonker what done did it!" He exclaimed as he pointed at a boat that's been broken in half laying in the water. "It had a long neck like a gee-raffe, and wrinkly skin like like these two right here." He then points to Y/N and Stan. Stan was digging in his ear not paying attention as you looked at McGucket in angry, "I beg your pardon!"

"It chopped my boat up to smitheroons!" McGucket then points at the small island that's on the other side of the lake, "It shim-shammed over to scuttlebutt island! Ya gotta believe me!"

"Attention, all units. We got ourselves a crazy old man." Sheriff Blubs said casing everyone to laugh and Tate McGucket to shake his head and hold it down in shame. McGucket then holds his own head down as he walks away in sadness, "Aw, donkey spittle! Banjo Polish"

"Well, that happened. Now, let's untie this boat and get out on that lake!" Stan said as he walks over to his boat, Y/N following him. When you catch up to him, you see the twins talking to each other, "Stan, there's a chance the twins might want to go look for this monster..." Stan waved his hand at you, blowing a raspberry, getting in the boat. "They wouldn't want to miss this family bonding, trust me." As he said this the twins came over with smiles on their faces. Dipper wraps his arm around Stan's neck and said, "Grunkle Stan! Change of plans! We're taking that boat to scuttlebutt island, and we are gonna find that gobblewonker." The twins start to chant, Monster Hunt! Monster Hunt! Monster-" Then McGucket comes over standing behind them, "Monster Hunt! Monster-. Eh... I'll go." He says with his head down again.

"You dudes say something about a monster hunt?" Soos in his own boat pulls up on the other side of the dock. "Soos!" Mabel then walks closer to the boat to give Soos a fist bump. "What's up, hambone? Kapoosh! Pow! Explode! Dude, you could totally use my boat for your Hunt. It's got a steering wheel, chairs normal boat stuff."

"All right, let's think this through. You kids could go waste your time on some epic monster-finding adventure, or you could spend the day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your great uncle Stan and auncle Y/N! So, whaddya say?" As Stan is saying this, you watched the kids put on their life jackets and get on the boat with Soos without a single glance toward you or Stan. You folded your arms in front of your chest and frowned. "Stan... they left." You whispered as you watched the boat leave, turning to Stan who opened his eyes watching them go too. As Soos' boat leaves you hear twins shout, "We made the right choice!"

Stan grabs you hand, making you almost fall in the boat if you didn't catch yourself. You both sit down as Stan continued to watch the retreating boat. "Ingrates! Ah, who needs 'em? We got a whole box of creepy fishin' lures to keep us company." You both stare at the lure and shiver, Stan then slams the box shut.

~ Time Skip ~

"Traitors! We'll find my own fishin' buddies.” Stan then starts looking around the lake, a focused look on his face.

“But, what about us all bonding toget-“ Y/N didn’t finished their sentence as the boat was already speeding in some direction, Stan having found his target. "There's our new pals!"

"Now that we're alone, Rosanna, there's a burning question which my heart longs to ask of you." The man pulled out a box as the woman’s eyes began to fill with tears. “Oh, Reginald!” Before the man could continue Stan slows his boat down behind theirs and stopping.

"Hey! Wanna hear a joke?" The younger man was about to speak because Stan interrupted him, "Here goes. My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is gettin' better! Her aim is gettin' better! Ya see, it's… it's funny because marriage is terrible.” You clapped your hands as you laughed. However the younger couple scoffed and rowed their boat far way from the Stan ‘O War.

“What?!"

You placed a hand on his back as you looked at the retreating boat, "Don't worry, Stan. I enjoy your jokes..."

"Look, when you're threading the line a lot of people don't know this but you want to use a barrel knot. That's a secret from one fishin' buddy to another. Heh heh!" Stan has his arm wrapped around a kid that's in a different boat, the kid looked extremely uncomfortable. "Uh I, uh who are you, exactly?" Stan then pats the kid on the head, Y/N was standing behind his confused as ever. "Just call me your Grunkle Stan!"

"Sir sir! Why are you talking to our son?! If you don't leave right now, I'm calling the police!" The mother shouts as she stands behind her son, making Stan let go of the kid. "Oh no you don't!" You pushed Stan behind you and placed your hands on your hip, leaning over towards their boat, trying to get in the woman's face. She backs up a little but still tries to stand her ground, "I will!

"Ha ha! Ya see, the thing about that is, Arrrr!" Stan starts the engine and zooms the boat in a different direction, almost making you fall.

"Go bother your own kids!"

Stan moved the boat towards the middle of the lake, looking defeated. You looked around the lake, seeing that most of the people and their boats are starting to pack up. You sighed, turning towards Stan and saw him leaning his arms on his knees, head in hands as he looked at his own reflection in the water. You moved over to sit closer to him and wrapped your arm around his shoulder. Stan looked from his reflection to yours, he sat up and wrapped his arm around your waist, the both of you now leaning on to one another. Moments of silence went by until you broke it.

"Hey honey, how you holding up?" You rubbed circles in his shoulder with your thumb, you felt his body sink more into you. He waved his hand, staring at the water.

"I just... I wanted this day to go well. I wanted us to bond with the kids, try to get them to see that we mean well, ya know. To show that I actually care for those like brats. I don't want them to think that we're just a couple of criminals." Y/N sighed and looked back into the water.

"Well, sure today didn't go the way you planned but we still have the rest of summer. So, we have time to bond with them and I don't think they see us like that all the time. Yeah, we have our moments, of course, but I don't think they see us just as that."

"Oh yeah? Ya wanna know what the first thing they did when they first got here was," he glanced over at you, raising his eyebrow. When he saw you nod your head, he removed his arm from your waist and put his head in his hands again. "They were debating on if they should turn us in to the FBI and jump out the window to escape and they asked an eight ball if they should or not... A eight ball, Y/N!"

Y/N removed their arm from Stan and folded their hands in their lap, looking down. "Oh, I didn't know... Well, even if they don't really warm up to us, we have each other still. But, I would still like to try and build some relationship with them and even after today I know you would too." Stan rolled his eyes and groaned, waving his hand at you. "Forget it, those little suckers chose to hang out with Soos instead of their own family. We don't need them," he pulled out a piece of wire and starting to try and tie it into a knot. "Like you said we have each other and fishing! Er, ugh, gah! Mollycoddling..." He complained as he failed to tie it.

"Oh, Stan..."

"Can you please tell me more funny stories, pop-pop?" You and Stan turned to see a grandfather and his two grandkids in a boat. They seem like they were having a good time together, much to Stan's and Y/N's annoyance.

"Anything for my fishin' buddies!" As the the grandfather laughs he pats his grandchildren on the head. Stan growls as he folds his arms over his chest, staring at the family. "Arghh!" Y/N gently placed their hand on Stan’s back, "Stan, just don't look at them."

"Pop-pop, I just weawized that I wuv you." Stan stands up and cups his hands around his mouth, "Aw, come on! Boo! Boo!"

The grandfather stands up in his own boat, hands on his hips. "Hey, there! What's the big idea?" The grandson then looks up at his grandfather with a pity expression and says, “Maybe they have no one who wuvs them, pop-pop."

"Yeah, well, I-I nahh! Ahhh." Before he could say anything Soos' boat speeds past the Stan 'O War soaking him and Y/N. You hold on to the boat to keep your balance as Stan throws his hat in the boat, puffing out in frustration as he sits down and sighed with his head in his hands.

~ Time Skip ~

As Y/N and Stan sat together in silence, you both hear Dipper's voice. "Hey! Over here!" The S.S Cool Dude pulls up next to the Stan 'O War and Dipper takes a picture of both Stand and you with his camera. You and Stan look at each other in surprise then back at their boat or what's left of it anyway. "What the kids? I thought you two were off playin' spin the bottle with Soos?" Stan said crossing his arms, trying to look like he wasn't happy to see them.

"Well, we spent all day trying to find a "legendary" dinosaur."Dipper began and Mabel continued. "But we realized the only dinosaurs we want to hang out with is right here."

"Save your sympathy! We been having a great time without ya, makin' friends, talkin' to our reflection-- we had a run-in with the lake police! Guess we gotta wear these ankle bracelets now, so that'll be fun." He said holding his leg up to show the bracelet. You wave your hand nonchalantly, "We'll just try and take them off later."

"So I guess there isn't room in that boat for three more?" Dipper asked.

Y/N looked over at Stan with a worried look on their face as they placed a hand on his shoulder. Stan looked at the water, then back up toward the twins, they both put on the custom fisher hats that Stan made them. Stan looked over at you, smirking, and nodded his head at the kids. Y/N laughed as they leaned over toward the kids, picking them up and placing them on their lap, both of them cheering. "You knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?" Dipper stands up from your lap, pointing his finger at Stan, "Five bucks says you can't do it." Stan points back at him, "You're on!"

"Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed plus me singing at the top of my lungs!" Mabel exclaimed as she wrapped an arm around your shoulders and you warped your around her side, both you laughing.

"Kids, don't make a bets with an ex con-man." You chuckled as Mabel looked at you still laughing, "But that's what makes it challenging!"

"Plus, I like these odds!" Soos then in the boats, causing both you and Stan two look at him in shock, "Whoa! What happened to your shirt?" Soos puts his hand up and and shakes his head. "Long story, dude." Dipper then holds up his camera standing on one stand of the boat. "All right. Everybody get together, say fishing." the rest of you huddle together and smile and shout, "Fishing!"

"Fishing! Dude, am I in the frame?" Soos asked as the picture gets taking. You all then spend of the rest of the day enjoying each others company. Then as the sun sets you all call it a day and Stan starts to drive the boat toward the dock, all you smiling in content until the boat hits a bump in the water.

Dipper turned toward his sister and asked, "What was that?" Mabel looked at him with a smile still on her face and shrugged. "Mm-mm."

Underwater, the real Gobblewonker swims under the Stan 'O War and eats one of Dipper's cameras.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

staged but i've never watched it and i'm drunk

hello mascot good omens mascot here okay so THE STAGED LIVESTREAAM IS ON SATURDAY BTW. That is a thing that is happening. So. You know. If you're above 18 because @thescholarlystrumpet (and I ig) are responaible adults come and like. Join us. Watch me react to staged and probably die. i'Ll probably share details when I'm not drunk and when it's not nearing midnight.

But until then I'm drinking battery acid (this red wine cost like the equivalent of 2.5 USD) and I am here to summarise staged.

It's about David Tennant and Michael Sheen, who, until barely a month ago, I had no idea existed (we don't talk about Michael sneakily being in Twilight and Passengers I'm actually pretending the Twilight thing didn't happen pklease respect my denial)

It started over Zoom and it's about them rehearsing a play during COVID but like it's scripted so it's a show about rehearsing a play and it stars the actors as themselves very meta very fourth wall

David has hair extensions and Michael does not

David keeps switching locations because he has to quote Michael "twenty children" and they're everywhere. Because of this hellsite that's obsessed with David to an unhealthy level I know that this is not true, he has five children and I can probably give you details and how is this my life

Michael stays in the kitcehn and some watchers think this is a poetic choice it's not David just has to shift because humans are everywhere in his house

Georgia who is David's wife and Anna who is Michael's wife which I also know because of this hellsite both also star in it

They're all neighbours now by the way which this really creepy hellsite was DETERMINED that I know about okay thank you tumblr I'm uh that's knowledge for sure I'm sure they're having fun

Judi Dench is involved and I'm not sure who she is but she's a Dame and she's a very good actress and she's kinda intimoidating and also for some weird reason I associate her with that Cats nightmare fuel even though I didn't watch it but yeah she probably had nothing to do with it

There are three seasons and FOR SOME REAOSN EVERYONE IS CRYING AT THE END. WHY ARE YOU ALL ALWAYS CRYING WHY HAVE YOU DRAGGED ME INTO THE CRYING TOO I'M STILL CRYING OVER GOOD OMENS WHAT IS THIS NOW.

it's uh it's a comedy but I've realised now that in Britain comedy = will make you sob harder than a tragedy but will be more subtle and sneaky about it

god this wine tastes like shit i really need to make money so i can afford better alcohol. any suggestions, maggots? wait this is a summary not a life update

uhhhh the silhouette of one of david's kids appears in one of the episodes

that's all i've got i'm sorry time to go make more bad decisions I love you all byebyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stay rotten

[webslingingslasher]

What if trouble had a pet turtle and she would introduce Peter to the turtle, what would his reaction be ? 🤔 - 🪶

'okay, look. before we go in, i need to be honest. there's another man in my life-' she stops peter before he could speak, 'i've told him all about you and i think he really likes you, but before we go any further i think you guys should meet.'

peter takes a step back, 'hey, uh, you're cool and all but that's kind of a dealbreaker for me, so-'

she tugs his hand, 'oh, stop it! mr. franklin is no one to worry about.'

'oh, is this like a sugar daddy situation?' she opens her door and gestures him to enter. 'cause, if so, we might be able to make this work.'

she laughs, 'mr. franklin has no money!'

of course he has no money, it's a fucking turtle.

'you made it seem like-'

'i have another boyfriend? i know, it's fun.'

peter walks over to his tank, his finger approaching the glass when she stops him.

'don't you dare! how would you like it if i shoved my fingers in your eardrums as a hello?'

'i... i wouldn't like it.'

'exactly.'

peter tilts his head looking at her pet, he doesn't see the attraction.

'what does it do?'

'mr. franklin,' she announces, 'likes to swim and hang out on his rock, he loves shrimp too.'

'but what does he do?'

'he likes to swim and eat and hang out.'

'does he like humans?'

she pushes him to the side, lowering her hand the turtle walks into it, accepting the elevator ride up. she tucks him to her chest and runs a finger down his shell.

'wanna hold him?' he doesn't really, turtles bite hard.

peter holds his hands out, 'sure.' she tries to carefully guide the turtle to his hands, mr. franklin wants no part.

'hey, c'mon, frankie. that's peter, i was telling you about him.'

like magic the turtle walks into his palm and drops. his owner coos, 'aw, he likes you. you have a big hand and he likes the warmth.'

peter thinks he's a cool little guy.

-----

bonus::::

'trouble, i'm feeling real guilty about mr. franklin watching me take your clothes off.'

'franklin, you're embarrassing mommy's friend!'

franklin swims up to his dry bank and lays down with his back to the both of them.

'oh that's fucking weird.'

[babybatscreationsv2]

Little symbrock treat for the monster smut fans

...

...

...

Romnoncon warning**

Eddie desperate to find work after after the Life Foundation fiasco goes to a couple of interviews to plead his case, but his new friend is just too excited about being inside a warm body after so long in the icy depths of space

He's trying everything from brute force to pleading to get the woman on the other side of the desk to give him a job. He'd even clean the toilets until he can prove himself as a journalist once again, but her lines are pressed thin and he knows she that she can't say how throughly her hands are tied, but just maybe he can find the right button to press

When he feels something wriggling inside him. Venom feels like fluid moving through veins he doesn't have. He's bored and he's searching for something interesting to do when he finds Eddie's dick

He jumps out of his chair, startling the woman across from him, but he recovers by dropping to his knees, hands out in front of him

"Please, I'm begging, here. I can't get any more desperate," he pleads. She sighs.

Venom's rumbling inside him, a noise he makes when he finds something curious. Usually, it's trash TV or a new brand of chocolate. Now it's the way Eddie's blood rushes south and his cock thickens and Eddie's mouth salivates. Venom rumbles so hard that can feel him vibrating like a cat

He stands and swallows and rubs his face. "Right, sorry," he says. "I get it."

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Brock. You're an excellent journalist..." she says. The way she looks at him is humiliating

"Yeah. Sometimes I wish I wasn't." He grimaces and turns away. "Thank you for your time," he says but he wants to tell her that she's a coward and a disappointment. That she or her bosses or whoever chose money over human lives. But he forgets about all of that as Venom learns how to create friction in his cock from the inside out.

Eddie almost trips, one hand catching him on the wall. Thank fuck no one's there. "Venom," he hissed.

"It feels good, Eddie," Venom purrs. "What is that?"

"It's uh..." he blushes. "It's nothing. Stop doing that!"

"But why? It feels good. You like it, Eddie."

"No. I do not." He moves away from the wall and starts walking. His legs wobble and he knows he looks drunk or worse, but he's determined to ignore him and it's not like he was going to get a call back anyway.

He can't spend money on the bus when his savings is running dry, so he walks home. And regrets ever having been born when Venom keeps it up.

"I said stop that," he hisses outloud. People turn their heads but he ignores them. He's hardly the only lunatic in San Francisco.

"But you didn't say why."

"Because... Because it's inappropriate."

Venom scoffs. "Why?"

"Because jacking off in public is creepy and gross."

"But why?"

Eddie sighs. Venom finds his balls and takes up playing with those, too. Eddie's vision goes funny for a second. "You're going to send me to the hospital."

"No. I can heal almost anything. You cannot be harmed as long as you're with me."

Eddie groans. "Just wait until we get home, alright?"

He's quiet for a moment. Then, "Fine."

Venom stops and Eddie sighs with relief. Only he's still hard and he really does need to take the edge off. After a moment, Venom starts moving around again. He barely notices until he feels something stimulating his nipples.

"What the hell- stop that!" He hisses again. His hands cover his chest, but it doesn't do him again.

"We are not masturbating," Venom argues.

"That definitely counts as masturbating," Eddie counters. He grimaces at a man passing him by.

"But it's not your genitals. And it feels good here, too, Eddie."

"I know it does. Just wait. No more feeling good." Eddie gasps. He's stunned to realize just how close he is. Venom keeps playing with him and with Eddie's guard down, moves back to touching his cock. Only now he's doing both. Eddie moans. Then he runs.

He turns down an alley and leans against the wall. "V- Venom-" he gasps.

Venom purrs. "That feels good, Eddie. So good. It keeps getting better."

"Yeah..." Eddie pants. He closes his eyes. He can't help himself. Then Venom in all his exploring finds his ass. When Eddie whimpers in response he knows he's found a fun knew spot to play with. There's friction inside him. All the way inside. So much deeper than cock or object could ever reach.

Eddie's drooling on himself. His fist is clenched against the wall. He needs to cum or he might die. He yanks open his pants and grabs his cock. In two strokes he cums, head tipping back and moaning, cumming splatting the wall, the ground, his shoes.

Venom keeps going. Just for a moment until then pain of overstimulation creeps in, then he withdrawls.

"What was that?!" he demands.

"That," Eddie pants. "Is called an orgasm."

"I want more of those. That's almost as good as chocolate."

"No more in public, okay? That's something we do at home, got it? I'm not trying to get arrested."

"Fine. But we do it again when we get home."

Eddie sighed, but he couldn't argue.

[iwoulddothingstothisman]

Figuring out

"Sam, Sam."

"Psst, Sam"

"What Dean?"

"I think I love him."

"That's great he loves you too, go back to sleep."

"I don't think I can."

"Then for fuck sake, shut up," Sam grunted and turned over on his shitty motel bed to face away from Dean's bed.

"Then shut up," Dean mocked under his breath, "bitch." He flopped back down onto the pillow only to stare up at the celling he had just enough light from the freeway to see.

Not four hours later the sound of wings fluttering reefed both boys from their sleep. Dean jolted up knife already in hand only to see Cas, his Cas maybe even, standing at the foot off his bed looking for all the world like a lost child.

"Cas, not that it's not good to see you, but why are you here, it's like five in the morning," Dean grunted while rubbing his eyes with the hand not holding his knife.

"I wanted to see you, though waking you was not intentional." His head was tilted a little to the side, an adorable pout on his lips. Thank god for the dark room or Cas would've seen the blush creeping up his neck.

"Well I'm up now, what d'ya want for breakfast, Sam?" Dean asked while swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Whatever they have, salad-wise," Sam said, snuggling deeper into the covers.

"Naturally." Dean put his knife onto the bedside table so it was within Sam's reach if need be then trundled his way into the bathroom after grabbing the same jeans he wore yesterday and his only clean shirt.

He came back out, did up his boots and grabbed the keys for Baby.

"C'mon Cas, we'll let Sammy get his beauty rest," He said while walking past the Angel who followed a half step behind Dean

The drive to the diner was thankfully uneventful, no vampires trying to slash their tyres and no women in white trying to seduce them.

The diner was even more dull. The standard traffic of office monkeys that hate their life but can't bring themselves to end it and early morning joggers who think they're different for getting oat milk and tweeting about it on their aggressively nature themed blog that calls to the end for all farming. The only stand-outish part of it all was the cashier. A woman in her maybe late 20's by Dean's guess with bright blue hair, a pro-Palestine hat that said 'from the river to the sea' with the Palestinian flag under it and a full cyber-sigilism tattoo sleeve.

Dean had been so busy studying her appearance that he hadn't even noticed the line had moved enough that it was their turn to order.

"So what will you and your boyfriend be having today?" She asked with a tinge of an Aussie accent and Dean faltered.

"We- uh- he's- we're ah not together." He stumbled to get his words out.

"Sorry mate, what can I get ya?" She asked again, this time her accent came through thicker.

"I'll just get a bacon and egg muffin with a coffee, black, two sugars please and, do you guys do a Caesar salad?"

"We do, yeah."

"The largest one of those I can get, to go please." He passed her the money and pocketed his change before walking over to the table furthest from the door.

"It is odd that she thought we were together," Cas stated. Dean almost choked.

"Yeah, yeah it is." dean replied praying to a god he knew didn't care that Cas would drop it, of course, God doesn't care so Cas did no such thing.

"I wonder what it is about us that made her think that, I've been told that I 'look the type' whatever that means, maybe that was it."

"Yeah, yeah I guess you do." Dean paused for a second but kept talking before Cas could open his mouth. "Cas can I talk to you for a second?" He asked.

"You already are." Cas said, tilting his.

"Not the point, the bible doesn't say anything about being gay is a sin, right?" Dean asked.

"Not the original one, no. Why?"

"Because I think I love you." He rushed out.

"Yes, I love you too, I believe." Cas said, making Dean chuckle and shake his head.

"No Cas, I'm IN love with you."

"Oh well in that case then I too, am in love with you, perhaps not in the exact same way that a human might be, but rest assured I have loved you since I pulled you from perdition." Cas admitted with a soft smile.

Dean's tunnel vision on Cas was broken when the same cashier set their food on the table between then with just enough force to almost startle Dean out of his seat.

"Have a good one," she said before speed walking away back to the counter where a chef was relentlessly ringing the bell.

"Come, we'll continue this in the car." Cas said while getting up and grabbing the bag.

Cas was waiting next to the passenger door when Dean finally pried himself from his seat in the diner. He swiftly unlocked Baby and jumped in to start the car. Cas wasn't half a second behind him and had the door closed before Baby had started.

"Did you mean in when you said you've loved me since you pulled me from hell."

"Of course, why else would I say it?"

"Then why, why, didn't you say anything?" Dean exclaimed.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Good grief Cas." Was all Dean said before grabbing Cas by the lapels of his coat and kissing him. He pulled back a second later only to be pulled straight back in by Cas' hand in his hair.

The food was cool by the time they got back to the motel and Sam had packed all of his stuff and some of Dean's

"Good to see you two are still alive, I was about to send out a search party." He said with a knowing smirk.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Whatever, jerk."

Sure they still had a lot to work out, especially when it came to Dean's issues but they took the first step and that's what really matter.

With that thought Dean ate his cold muffin with a small smile on his face.

This is my first time posting something original (on this blog) and I'm super nervous. Please let me know if you find any egregious mistakes and I hope you liked it.

[kittyamore0]

Slashers find out their S/O has killed:

[Part 3]

Cw: blood, murder, sexual themes, GN! Reader, blood kink, sex mentions

CHARACTERS: Bo Sinclair, Lester Sinclair, Bubba Sawyer, Kurt Kunkle, Patrick Bateman, Hannibal Lector, Normal Bates

BO SINCLAIR

He was trying to lure in victims into his house for Vincent to kill

"Let me help you with that,"

BAM!

Blood splatters all over him

"THE FUCK-"

He's absolutely shocked

The hell did you come from?

"Sorry, Baby Bo."

He's finally staring at you, and you're holding a goddamn bat

A bloody bat.

Theres blood on him.

And it belongs to the person he was trying to lure in...

click. He could quite literally hear that noise as it finally clicked in his mind about what you had done

You just killed the person he was trying to lure in...

"H-HOLY SHIT!-"

"Y-YOU JUST?!-"

"WHERE DID YOU?!-"

"HUH?!"

He's just staring at you while you wipe the blood off his messy, bloody shirt

He snaps out of his daze when you land quick peck on his chapped lips

And where you this hot...?!

Needless to say, hes was very shocked and confused.

He still is, but hes come to an acceptance that you also kill people

LESTER SINCLAIR

"Les, i got something!"

"coming!"

He hopped in the truck and ruffled your hair

"Good job! What animal did you get?"

"You'll see~"

What in the hell did you mean by that.

He shrugged it off and let you drive

He noticed that the closer you guys got to your catch, the animals did in fact NOT look like animals

It looks like two people inspecting 4 dead bodies

wait,

WHAT THE FUCK-

Blood spilled all over the car windows

You just sat there laughing

When he got into the truck, he was expecting you got a roadkill

NOT FUCKING 6 HUMAN DEAD BODIES

He's shocked, he will not get over this

"O-oh, well, i have a killer S/O. That's nice..."

He's trying to rethink his life while you're just sitting there hugging him with dead bodies in front of the car

BUBBA SAWYER

He had just come back from chasing around a group full of boys and girls

He was very upset

He only managed to get 3 out of 6!

the other 3 went missing

He just assumed they had escaped

Though, there was no trail that they had escaped

Which confused him greatly

He noticed you cutting up something

Then he saw three heads and one alive chicken

Just what he needed

Some nice dinner

Wait.

Where'd you get those heads?

WAIT WERE THOSE THE OTHER THREE?!-

"Hey, Bub. These rascals were running around the house, and i wasn't going to let them make a mess here."

He's silent for a minute

"Bub? is something wrong?-"

You yelped when he picked you up and hugged your body against his

Happy babbling from him

KURT KUNKLE

Lets all be honest,

You both would use both of you're craziness to get fame

You would wear a mask while filming yourself stabbing someone

He would pretend that its special effects

Only on Halloween since its more believable

Has you hiding in the trunk of the car so you can pop out and slit the persons throat

Will actually laugh at this

He'll do those couple challenges with you after you'd just killed someone

Just watches you as you kill one of his passengers

Will automatically say 'no' if someone asked for help

He'll start driving crazy fast just to scare the passengers

Not too fast where the cops had to stop him though

He first met you when you were robbing a convenience store

You had a mask on and a gun held in your hand

He was confused on how the police hadnt come yet

That was until he saw that the cameras were shot down

You had killed almost everyone and was money and some snacks

You noticed his figure standing there, so you pointed your gun at him

"Woah, woah! Lets calm down now, alright?"

You held your gun down

You thought he was cute

He was your type

So, you just hopped over the counter and grabbed him

"W-wait, where we going?!-"

You ran out of the back door and into an alleyway

You took off your mask and put your index finger to your lips

He thought you was mad cute

"U-uh, so, whats your n-name? im Kurt-"

"Shut up, and move faster."

PATRICK BATEMAN

He honestly would not care

Oh, you kill?

Well, he kills too!

He would most likely team up with you, his S/O, to get rid of people who annoyed him

He thinks you're attractive when you kill

Sex after you or him had killed

He would literally go DOWN on you

slight blood kink

But doesn't like it when you have someone else's blood on you while you two are getting intimate

Doesn't like someone else's blood on him either

So, he'll shower or have you shower first

And after that, he'll pull out that knife and make little nips and cuts on your body

One way of him marking you

He'll show you off even more

He honestly knows if someone tried flirting with you, they'd be gone

And not because of him

HANNIBAL LECTOR

He came home and couldnt find you

He had checked everywhere in the house, except for one place

The garage

He opened the garage door to see you holding 2 huge bagged items

And 4 un-bagged...

Human bodies...

And 3 chickens

"Han! We ran out of food, so i got what you liked and something for me as well. Do remind me, which organ do you like best?"

He was shocked to say

But he quickly got over it

"Any is fine, dear."

He had a sincere smile plastered on his face

This made him feel more secure about you

His S/O went through the trouble to make him dinner that fits his interesting taste?

How...

Lovely.

He would have to find out a way to repay you

NORMAN BATES

He liked you. A lot.

But his mother didnt

At first.

You stepped into the bates motel with someone else with you

Norma, Normans mother, was already judging you

Norma took over when you went into your room with that other person

He made it towards your room, in front of your door

Then he heard screams

Norma was absolutely shocked

He used the master key to open the door and saw you murdering the other person you had come into the motel with

Norma took a liking to you

Someone who was like her son...

She didn't like the thought of her son, Norman, around people like you

But you were an exception

Norman had also liked you

The next day, Norman had took it upon himself to talk to you

Norma had encouraged him too

"H-hi, Im-Im Norman."

"Hello, Norman."

He fainted.

[thescarletnargacuga]

I’ve been waiting for this moment….

Human au where it’s Caine and Pomni’s anniversary, but somehow, someway, they can’t give each other the gifts they want, so they trade their most important item so that they could buy a gift for their spouse…..(basically gift of the magi if you know what that is)

A/N: I am familiar! It's a classic romantic dilemma!

GIFT OF THE MAGPIE

A HUMAN SHOWTIME ONESHOT

WARNING: none

~~~

Pomni double checked her calendar. Her and Caine's wedding anniversary was tomorrow. She needed to get him a gift! But what? It wasn't a landmark anniversary, so it didn't have to be something super fancy. Neither one of them were really materialistic. She stood thinking as Caine entered the room.

He kissed Pomni on the cheek. "I gotta run. Love you!" On his way out the door, a light chime came from his pocket. At first he checked his phone, but then remembered he had something in his other pocket. He took out a beautifully engraved, gold pocket watch and reset it. "Oops, forgot I had it wound."

A light bulb went off in Pomni's head. She knew exactly what to get him. She went down to the jewelry store and browsed their chains. "Do you have anything for pocket watches?"

The jeweler arches a brow. "Pocket watches? Bit old fashioned, but yes, I believe we have a few related accessories. Let me check." A few minutes later, he brought out a few different chains. Some made of gold, some made of platinum, all very shiny.

"I'll take that one." Pomni picked out a simple solid gold chain. It would go well to match the antiquated watch Caine had bequeathed from his grandfather.

~

Caine had time for a quick stop before going to work. A local antique shop that always had interesting bits and baubles from time gone past. Pomni wasn't much of a jewellery wearer but there was one thing in particular that she treasured. A simple silver necklace with a magpie charm. She loved magpies.

In his search to find other magpie related gifting ideas, he found out that the necklace Pomni owned was part of a set. A very old and rare charm jewelry collection that included a bracelet and a set of matching earrings.

The antique shop was kind enough to reach out and do some networking for him to help find a missing piece. All they could get was the bracelet. It was in astonishingly good condition for it's age. It looked brand new.

~

Pomni went to pay for the chain, but her card was declined. She nervously tried a different card. Declined. She knew funds had been tight this year, but she didn't realize she was already out or overdrawn. She put away her useless cards and apologized.

Before she walked out, the jeweler mentioned that they accept trades. She felt the magpie charm around her neck. She couldn't possibly... Then she thought of the look on Caine's face when he would receive such a well meaning gift. His watch was everything to him.

She took off her necklace and gave it to the jeweler.

~

Caine gawked at the cost of the antique bracelet. It was FAR more expensive than he had anticipated. He knew he didn't have the money. He tried to haggle the price, but the shopkeeper wouldn't budge. The bracelet has been difficult to find and purchase legitimately. The price was the price.

Caine only had one item in his possession that could possibly counteract the cost of the bracelet. He took out his grandfather's pocketwatch and set it on the counter. How often had he really used it? Pomni receiving the gift of a lifetime was more valuable to him.

It still hurt when the antique shopkeeper accepted the watch.

~

The next day, Caine and Pomni took their morning slowly, cuddling in bed long after dawn. Only to be interrupted by Bubble getting the morning zoomies and trampling them both. After that wake up call and coffee, it was time to present their gifts.

Caine gave his first. "You're going to love this. You know your magpie necklace..?"

Pomni felt her bare neck. "Uh...yeah?"

"Well, I found another piece of the set."

Pomni gasped. "You...you what?" She opened her box to see the pristine antique bracelet with magpie charms. She teared up. "Oh my god...Caine. This is amazing, but... I don't have the necklace anymore."

"Wait, what?"

"I traded it for your gift. It was expensive and my cards were declined and-"

"Hey, hey, it's okay." He pulled her into a hug. "You can still wear the bracelet."

"But it's just one piece again. Square one. That's not fair to you."

"That's fine. It doesn't undermine the gift. The magpies just migrated." Caine joked.

Pomni huffed, wiping a tear. "They did. Thank you. Here. This is what I got you."

Caine opened his box and his heart sank. "A pocket watch chain...thank you, Pomni. It really needed one. There is just one problem. I don't have the watch anymore."

"WHAT!?" Her shout startled Bubble.

"I traded it for the bracelet. Turns out those old magpies cost quite the penny. It was all I had to get it for you."

"That was your-!"

"I know." Caine said softly. "I didn't really use it that much anyway. It needed a good home with someone willing to take care of it." He put the bracelet on her and held her hands. "I would give up my last dime, the very shirt on my back, for you. The most valuable thing in my life, is you."

Pomni threw herself and Caine and kissed him hard on the lips. "I love you."

Caine smiled and kissed her again lightly. "I love you too."

"....we're getting that watch back." She said determinedly.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

so idea for a Spirited Away AU, if you wanna, fair warning i am awful at writing so if i try i honestly hope someone else will pick it up for me

Adam as Chihiro

Lucifer as Haku

Alastor as Yubaba

Lilith as Zeniba

Angel as Lin

Pentious as Kamaji

Charlie as Yubaba’s baby (Charlie can be kidnapped as a baby and not knowing that Alastor isn't her parent)

Husk as Yubaba’s bird thing

idk who to have be the Great Water Spirit

Nifty as the three bouncing green heads (idk who else would be the other two alongside her so for now shes just gonna be all of them)

the only other characters i can think of are the two frog demons who are racist, maybe the Vees as them?

Adam ends up in the Demon realm after his moms and him get lost on the drive to their new home, Sera and Rosie are turned into pigs for stealing the food that was meant for the demons, Adam has to go and work at the Radio Demon’s Bathhouse to repay the debt his mothers owe so he can have them back and go home. Alastor tricks Adam into signing a contract to work at the bathhouse without pay, Adam meets Angel Dust who is a fellow worker of the bathhouse, Angel shows him what to do to help the hundreds of other demons around the bathhouse. Adam ends up meeting a cute man named Lucifer who can’t remember who he was before he started working at the bathhouse but feels like he has some kind of connection to Adam, like he knew him somehow.. anyway Adam is very quickly isolated by the rest of the bathhouse staff because he is human (humans have a scent that demons find to be gross).

i would write out the rest of the plot but i don't want to miss anything because i haven't seen it in a while..

Anyway how it starts!

Adam sighed as he looked out the car window at the scenery rushing past. He hugs a bouquet gifted to him by his friend as a parting gift,

"Hope you have fun wherever you move, I'll miss you <3

To Adam From Eve"

he reads the card that was hastily stuck into the center of the bundle of flowers. Adam sighs again, he didn't want to move, but his moms got a job opportunity that they couldn't pass up. He scowls at them, angrily glaring at the backs of their heads. "I can feel your stare Starlight," spoke Sera, "I don't like uprooting you from your friends, but we really need the money, I hope one day you'll understand that.." she trails off frowning.

Looking back out the window, the scenery has changed from hills and farmland to a dense forest, "Where are we mom?" Adam says as he spots a strange statue nestled in the woods as they pass through. "This is a shortcut, don't worry Starlight," his other mom, Rosie says turning in the passenger seat to try and make eye contact with him, "We'll probably beat the moving vans to the house even though we left half an hour after them," she chuckled lightly. Adam stared blankly at her, "I think we're lost," he deadpanned.

"There's no way that we're lost, I know what I'm doing, trust me sweetheart," Sera confindently says, though she begins to slow to a stop because there is something blocking the way foreward. "uh huh, yeah definitely believe you mom," Adam says as he looks at whats in front of the car.

It looks like an old entrance to a theme park that has been shut down for ages, he could see the moss and ivy growing on the big sign covered in rust.

"Lu Lu World.." Adam mumbled as he read the sign. Sera stopped the car and turned it off, "What are you doing mom?" Adam says as he feels a shiver go down his spine, "Why aren't we turning around? This is clearly a dead end.." Adam stares at his mothers as they both get out of the car without responding to his questions.

Adam gets out of the car and follows them at a distance, "Somethings not right about this.. We should go, I don't feel safe." Adam said, voice quivering as he felt a gust of wind brush by him, feeling as if its trying to pull him towards the gates and turnstiles of the abandoned park.

Sera turns to him, looking mildly out of it for a second before her eyes clear, "Come on, let's take a peek at this place, I've never heard of it before.. It'll be an adventure!" Rosie nods with her own matching excited grin, "We haven't done something fun as a family in a while, come on Adam, it'll be fun. We'll just do a little exploring and then we'll go, okay?"

Adam shook his head, "I don't like this.." He stayed standing by the car. Sera spoke, her tone disappointed "Well, we're going in, so if you want to stay here at the car alone you can." Adam stared at her, its as if something has possessed his mothers and is making them need to do this. Adam stands defiantly at the hood of the car holding the card from the bouquet tightly in his hand.

Sera and Rosie turn to the looming gates of Lu Lu World and begin walking through, as they get farther and farther away Adam feels a creeping unease, he doesn't want to be alone in the middle of this forest, he took at deep breath and ran after his mothers.

He jumps over the turnstiles and skids to a stop right behind them, he pinches the excess fabric of Sera's dress as a way to calm himself. He's not alone, his moms are there, he'll be fine, just stay calm.

They finally make it through the tunnel into the park, infront of them is a vast field of wild grass, the beginnings of the park a good distance away, "That's weird" Adam thought to himself. His mothers didn't stop for more than a moment to look around then they were trekking across the field towards the park. as they reach the stone steps up into the park there is a small stream flowing infront of the steps, all three of the family jump over it to the otherside.

Little did they know, they were walking into another plane of existence, by passing over the stream they are now in the demonic plane. Humans don't know that there's multiple planes of reality, its theorized by some, but most don't believe it to be possible. The demonic plane is the place where monsters and ghouls come from, demons and banshees, any monster you could imagine came from this plane.

{{thats all im up for doing tonight, ill write more tomorrow if you respond :D}}

I HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE!!

It's been so long I forgot that's what it was called. But I love this and the idea!!

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - seventy-four | the great (less confined) indoors

You walked into the dance studio, where the girls of the team were dancing a routine. Mingi turned upon hearing the door open and smiled and waved you over. You walked over to where he stood at the stereo console and he gave you a big hug.

“What are they practicing for? They seem super serious.”

“Online competition.”

“Oh…” you nodded. “They look good.”

“Yeah, I think they’ll win.” He smiled at you.

You crossed your fingers and held them up for him to see. “Here’s hoping.”

You turned back to the group and they ended in their ending pose. Mingi stopped the song and clicked around as he looked for the next song.

Just as they had, the door opened and Yunho walked in. Your eyebrows ticked up in surprise, but you adjusted, and pretended like you hadn’t noticed.

He clapped for the girls and most of them ran over and said hi to him, giggling like schoolgirls.

“There’s our other guest of honor!” Mingi said after laughing at Yunho being mobbed by the girls.

Yunho said goodbye to them and walked over, seemingly surprised that you were also there.

“T/n… I didn’t know you were coming to the dance studio.”

“Mingi invited me.”

“T/n is my pet project. She needs to have someone make her leave her apartment or she never will.” Mingi volunteered.

You shot him a look of fake displeasure.

Yunho chuckled. “Hard at work?”

“Generally.” You answered. “Music doesn’t make itself.”

He smiled. “You always were a hard worker.”

Your eyes widened. You never told Mingi you and Yunho knew each other. Did Yunho tell him? You looked at Mingi, who looked from one of you to the other, confused.

“I mean--” Yunho backtracked “--Jongho told me that Hongjoong and Maddox said you are. And you make so many mashups, like you said.”

You nodded slowly. “I mean… there isn’t much else to do.”

This seemed to satisfy Mingi’s suspicions and he went back to the computer.

You nodded. 

“Umm… You could text me if you want. You know, if you’re bored. We could get to know each other better.”

You knew he was saying that for Mingi, to further create the illusion that the two of you had only met recently, but it had an added effect in your mind: you both had changed so much that you supposed it really was like you were just getting to know one another, all over again. A fresh start.

You nodded. “I do have your number now.”

He nodded, but was almost thrown by one of the dancers jumping on him. Confused, he turned, “Uzin! Hey man, what’s going on?”

They hugged.

“Long time no fucking see, man! Are you here to dance?”

“I am, actually.”

“Uh oh,” Mingi said. “Do you want your old song?”

Yunho thought for a second and his gaze settled on you for a few moments. He looked back over to Mingi with a smile, “Yeah, sure.”

Yunho put his stuff down near the mirror and stood in the center of the room, practicing a couple little moves as Mingi pulled up the song.

“‘Old song’?” You asked Mingi.

“Mhm. The song he’d always perform at busks. He’d make a ton of money.”

You chuckled. “Is it sexy?”

Mingi laughed and pressed play.

It wasn’t sexy.

Unless you were the type of person to find extremely clean and technical moves sexy. Well, you supposed there was a certain type of sexiness in someone being really good at what they do… like, really good. The way he moved was incredible: his waves were so smooth, his isolations made him look like a robot and not a human, he wasn’t offbeat for a singular second, and his feet were so fast he almost looked like he was floating. No wonder he helped to found a dance team; he was a dancer’s dancer.

He was so powerful and still so precise with his movements… It wasn’t really that he was moving to the music, it was more like the music was moving him. It was like his body was just innately responding to what it was hearing. It was kind of cool to see.

You had only seen him dance a little bit before the falling out. He had been in every school musical as an ensemble dancer, but your parents didn’t allow you to go to any. Instead, you saw him practice if you had managed to catch him during the school day, and you remembered him being good. But his lead role in a musical came after you had stopped being friends. You remember looking at the poster in the hallway, still mad at him but wondering how he was going to sound on stage; you’d only ever heard him singing in his room, after all. You couldn’t even remember what musical it was, just that his name was on the poster and that, at that point, you couldn’t even see it if you wanted to.

You supposed that the dance crew was what he did after, since he didn’t have you as a friend anymore. You couldn’t figure out if you were sad about that or not.

When the song stopped he stopped, and the dancers applauded as he bowed. He came back over to you and Mingi.

“Very nice.” Mingi nodded with a smile.

Yunho smiled. He looked at you. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah--”

“Do you guys want to sit at the mirror?” Mingi interrupted. “We have more practicing to do.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” You said, and you and Yunho sat on the floor with the mirror at your backs.

“You were telling me how great I was?” He said jokingly.

You chuckled. “Is that what I was doing?”

He smiled.

“You were really cool. I had no idea you could dance like that.”

He nodded. “It’s something I got into more when I moved out here… if you want to hear about it.”

“Go ahead.”

“Well, Mingi’s actually from our town and he even went to the same school as us.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mhm.”

“I don’t remember him at all.”

“When you stopped talking to me, he came over and sat with me at lunch since his own friends abandoned him for eating too slow and I was alone.”

You nodded.

“He was in a small dance team, and they normally were part of the ensemble dance cast-- that’s how they all met.”

You nodded again.

“So we got to talking during lunch in senior year and we both wanted to move to Seoul, so I joined the dance crew and we came out here and started going to outdoor dance events. People just get together and play music and dance, do dance battles, that kind of stuff.”

“Mhm.”

“We befriended a lot of the dancers-- we were actually working at a convenience store most of them would go to, and… we decided to ask a bunch of them if they wanted to form a new group in Seoul and they did.” He smiled and shrugged.

You nodded again. “Mhm. Dei and Mingi told me about the, uh… bloodless coup? When To The Beat became Wonderland’s permanent dancers.”

He laughed. “That was a little after I had left to pursue acting more seriously.”

“Why didn’t you just stay a dancer?”

He shrugged. “I like acting more, I guess. You know I loved being in plays in school… I want to be on people’s screens.”

You nodded. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to be the lead in the musicals more when we were in school, instead of just dancing.”

“What, singing?”

“Yeah. You were in one after-- in senior year, right?”

He perked up. “Did you see it?”

“You know I wasn’t allowed to go to any,” you laughed awkwardly.

“Oh.” He nodded.

“Also, uh,” you lowered your voice, “we weren’t friends anymore by then.”

He nodded again. 

You nodded back and the two of you sat in silence for a few moments as you watch Mingi and everyone else dance.

“I, um…” he started. 

You looked at him.

“I didn’t really want to be the lead in that musical.”

“No? Why? You were always a good singer. You’re a real live triple threat.”

He chuckled awkwardly. 

“Why didn’t you want to be in it?”

“Um… I never really liked singing in front of others…”

You laughed blithely. “You sang in front of me tons of times.”

“...Yeah.”

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[edelweiss123]

(Posting this in case Disney starts delving the sticky pits of tumblr for plot ideas because I accidentally Goncharov-ed my niece with "spoilers" for Frozen 3 and now I need it to happen the way I said it would because I'm like 90% sure my plot is better anyway.)

So, my nieces (6, 3) were drawing Frozen Characters with their Frozen crayons, as one does, and asked me who my favorite character was. I have never watched either movie the whole way through, but know all the Lore from my local, very dedicated tiny Elsa cosplayer.

"Oh, I like Gooblaf" I say and they laugh.

"No, but who really?" I act shocked.

"You don't remember the part with Gooblaf? But that's (Grandpa's) favorite too!" I make eye contact across the room with my father, the man who taught me the art of Committing to the Bit. The girls ask him.

"Oh yeah, my favorite is Gooblaf". Younger niece starts adding Gooblaf to her drawing, but 6yr old isn't buying it. She has watched both films 278 times. She *is* Elsa as far as she is concerned.

"Gooblaf isn't a real character," she insists.

And I could have let it end there.

But I didn't.

Instead, I remembered:

"Oh that's right! Gooblaf is from Frozen 3, so of course you don't remember!" She perks up.

"What? How do you know what happens? Did you see it? It's already out?!"

"Oh yeah they gave out tickets for a preview"

"Can I get a ticket?!"

"Oh, uh, no, they only gave some adults tickets so they could watch and make sure it would be good for their kids."

"Awwwwww...."

"...But I can tell you about what I remember!"

I only intended to give her a vague summary but this Superfan wanted *details*. So then the story kept getting more and more fleshed out as we went back and forth.

"Frozen 3 is about the secret *third* sister, uhh.... Jorien!"

"And what powers does *she* have? Why is she secret?" And so on. Younger niece interrupts to show me her drawing of Gooblaf. It is a circle with a face.

"How did you know what Gooblaf looks like?" I ask her seriously.

"No way," says older niece.

"No, that's really how he looks: he was supposed to be a snowball but he got too big and he rolls around instead of walking."

And of course, I tell them the rest. How Jorien the secret sister has *water powers* because while the King and Queen were on their last voyage they had a *baby*, and when the storm sank the ship she landed in the water and magic turned her into a mermaid to save her! But she's only *part* mermaid see, so when she's dry she's human. And she's taken in by other mermaids... and because she was just a baby, she doesn't know about her sisters!

So after Frozen 2 the kingdom needs money for repairs, so they start fishing a lot more to sell the extra fish. But then there are lots of bad thunderstorms and boats keep getting destroyed, and it turns out it's Jorien! The merpeople don't have enough fish to eat and she's trying to help them!

And it was at the point that the 6yr old started drawing Jorien and asking what color she was that I realized what I had wrought. This is the same child who, when she asked me what "yes" in spanish was side-eyed my "Si" and walked to the next room to ask Alexa. Her hunger for more Frozen content had won against her natural skepticism, and now I can only hope that the "real" plot somehow manages to top mine in 3 years.

Maybe she'll have grown out of Frozen by then.

Or maybe she'll have a 5th Elsa dress.

[sleeping-satan]

I see that Govenor Pritzker still in the running for possible vp picks and

As someone who lives in Illinois, he's a bad pick. I voted for Pritzker myself and think he's a great governor, but the fact that he's a billionaire threw a lot of IL residents off when voting for him.

He's very liberal, which is expected for a generally blue state. But the Republicans are using both immigrants and trans people to jump on. Chicago is a sanctuary city, and we have a lot of migrants, documented and undocumented.

With trans people, under Pritzker changing your gender is officially cheaper and easier than your name. You don't need a doctors note or any proof of transition and the process is less than $20.

And uh... the Pritzker family includes a trans woman, Jennifer Pritzker (J.B.'s cousin). She's used her money to fund trans causes and has been spoken about as "the elites pushing the transgender agenda."

The Pritzkers are Jewish by the way. I couldn't find the original article I was thinking of, but it did use elite.

On a less serious note, it reminded me of all the original election ads back when he was first running. Every time I tried to watch a YouTube video I'd get "Pritzker took the toilets out of his house and dumped them in his yard to avoid taxes"

And now you can too.

But overall, he's too liberal to run alongside Kamala. He does want to run for president in the future, and I'd likely support him, but Kamala needs a balance and Pritzker isn't it.

Plus we need him here. Four out of ten of our past governors have gone to prison. We're not the luckiest with governors over here.