#ughhhhh it's so tricky. not a vent btw im typing in my diary ^_^
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think im really struggling to find the middleground between "not pathologizing all my behaviours" and "these are textbook symptoms of the disorders i have"
#i think i made more progress wondering i do/experience i have is related to my disorders. vs when i got extremely paranoid#and constantly checking myself on if im just using my disorders as an excuse y'know#because i have symptoms. a lot. between The Disorders. all of which are quite pervasive in how i interact with the world around me#i think this goes back to the fear i developed that everyone who follows me only does so to monitor me and find reasons to ruin my life#which i can talk about Now because im not. having an episode about it. but basically every period of not posting ive had on this acct was#fueled by severe paranoia of everyone here so loke#oh but anyways that fear made me constantly check myself on everything every post i made i severely scrutinized or id just not post#so i started checking myself on Every Symptom. and now it's developed into this#i think?????? lol#also mentally might've just overcorrected when i saw posts rightfully criticizing the pathologizing of everything you#do as a Potential Symptom. which is a conversation that has merit of course#but i think i way overcorrected mentally and now just assume nothing is a symptom. askfhalfjlsjda#ughhhhh it's so tricky. not a vent btw im typing in my diary ^_^
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