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stevie-petey · 10 months ago

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valerie ,,, you GET IT !! so so so much to say omg where to begin

jonathan ,,, my stupid sweet boy. yes hes had too much leeway and reader finally just yelling at him was soooo therapeutic. he deserved it and it made him see a different side to her that he hadnt known existed ,,,, i know its frustrating but their arc will reach its conclusion in season 2. for now, its like a weird stalemate. almost dying kinda made them go “hm, maybe not kissing ISNT our biggest problem rn 🤨”. reader will always kinda be a pushover, its her fatal flaw that will get her into more trouble later, but steve will eventually be there for her like an angry chihuahua going “my gf asked for ketchup. where is it 🦅”

and now for STEVE <3333 i knew youd scream at him saving reader BRIDAL STYLE !!!! he just swoops in all heroic like how do u expect her NOT to fall in love ?????! and him already trusting reader and listening to her ,,,, theyre in love ur honor. and steve being so love dumb with reader like babes stand UP u love her !!!

im dying at all ur incoherent screaming LMAO im so so so happy you loved the chapter <3 from steves silly flirting to reader being such a lovely caretaker to the kids ,,,, you see it and i love u for it <333

for some insight: i made sure to include a stark difference between steve and jonathan in how they help reader. jonathans “let me help” vs steves “i want to help” ,,,, ugh my heart. writing them has been my favorite thing ever tbh

and again and again and again: i adore u and ur excitement over the storyyyy 🫶🫶

episode eight: the upside down

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends? “Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused. “Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!” “We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted. Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

summary: drinking game time ! take a shot every time jonathan tries ditching you or every time you almost die at the byers house, you find out that steve really is an athlete and tbh it's hot, but you know what's even hotter ? saving hawkins and reaching a tentative compromise with steve after he loans you $5 for snacks. after, jonathan makes a promise you really hope he can keep.

rating: general, cursing and slight scary violence

warnings: violence, use of fire and weapons, guns, use of fem!reader and use of y/n, slight mentions of blood and death

words: 13.7k

before you swing in: the final chapter ,,, my heart </3 please enjoy my child, i put so much into this chapter. action scenes scare me, they're hard and i'm weak, so i hope this lives up to everything you guys wanted n more ;) i cannot believe we're at the end (but i do have another chapter planned that's set in season 1, so shhhh). thank you so so so much for all your support. i never thought this silly lil fic would get that much attention, but i'm insanely flattered and grateful for each and every one of y'all. i'm so proud of what i've created and you guys are my beloveds ,,, anyways, enjoy !!!

You almost miss Jonathan and Nancy sneaking off.

You had been explaining a comic book that had been in your bag to El when you noticed a shift in your periphery. Turning your head, you see Jonathan stand, offer Nancy his hand to help her up, and then walk towards the main doors together.

What the fuck.

“They wouldn’t dare…” You excuse yourself and run out the gym and into the hallway to follow them, absolutely furious. You’re so sick of their bullshit, of Jonathan’s bullshit and putting Nancy first. This isn’t even a petty jealousy thing, this is about the years of friendship between the two of you that has just suddenly disappeared within a damn week all due to circumstances completely out of your control.

The slam of the main door is the only warning Jonathan gets before you’re yanking him by his coat and flinging him back, forcing him to look at you. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You’ve never, ever yelled at him like this before. Not even earlier this week when he’d given you that bullshit apology after screaming at you for being in his room, for saying the two of you weren’t family. You didn’t yell at him for hiding Nancy’s pictures from you, for going off without you to find the monster. Despite everything, you’ve never been this cruel to him, even if he may have deserved it at times.

Jonathan’s wide eyes stare down at your hand that’s still clutched around his coat, frightened. “Bug, we were just–”

“Just what? Sneaking off without me?”

“It’s not like that, Y/N.” Nancy now steps in, her hands held up as if you’re some rabid dog she wants to calm down. “We just figured we’d help Joyce and Hopper.”

“‘We’? Are you fucking kidding me? You two talked about this, had an entire conversation, and still somehow came to the conclusion that ditching me was a great fucking idea?” You scoff, deeply hurt by the fact that the two of them had an entire conversation without thinking to include you in it.

“Bug, can we talk about this one on one?” Jonathan asks, his voice lowered. You can see the genuine upset in his eyes and for a moment your grip on him lessens, but then you see Nancy behind him and your anger only returns.

“No, we can discuss this right here.”

He sighs and tries to grab the hand not clutching his coat, but you slap it away. “Bug–”

“You’ve lost that privilege.”

“Bug–I mean, Y/N,” His voice falters. “Look, my mom and Hopper are out there right now trying to find Will while that monster is still out. Nance and I… We want to finish what we started.”

“Without me?” You don’t mean for it to happen, but your voice catches at the end.

Jonathan’s gaze softens and this time he succeeds in grabbing your hand. You let go of him and allow him to pull you in, weak against him as always. “I’m doing this to protect them, to protect you, Y/N. I’m always trying to protect you. You know that, right?”

You used to think that you did, but now? You’re not so sure, and it terrifies you.

Nancy has stepped away from the conversation, now kicking at rocks while you’re with Jonathan, and you can’t help but think about how wrong all of this feels.

Throughout this entire week it’s felt like someone has given you a photo of Jonathan, smeared its lines and edges, removed his moles and his crooked smile and made it neater, altered so that if you squint you can see the boy you grew up with underneath it all… But it’s fuzzy, almost too unclear to really see.

Now he’s standing in front of you, his smile once more crooked and cunning and his moles faded underneath the moonlight and for a second you can see him. There he is, clear and untouched and him in a way that’s never quite been yours.

“I know,” you tell him. “But how many more times do you expect me to forgive you for lying and ditching me? If you want to protect me, you need to talk to me.”

Jonathan winces. “I know, I know it sounds stupid and I know I’ve fucked up more than enough this week, I just get caught up in wanting to make sure you’re safe. It’d kill me if I let anything happen to you… I just, I can’t lose you, bug.”

“So pushing me away is your grand plan of keeping me?”

“I’ve always been an idiot.” He manages a smile, and you can’t help but laugh.

“That’s true, but if you attempt to ditch me one more time I swear to god I’ll pour tar all over your car.”

The boy laughs and for a brief moment everything feels okay again, but it doesn’t last very long. “In our defense, we figured you’d be better off with the kids since you’re not really a fighter, ya know?”

You drop his hand. “Excuse me?”

Jonathan’s smile is gone. “What?”

“I’m not really a fighter? You’re kidding, right?”

“Hey, no I didn’t mean it like that–” Jonathan fumbles over his words, clearly taken aback by your sudden mood change.

You step away from him. “How many times did I defend you against Lonnie? Better yet, remind me how we became friends in the first place. Wasn’t it because I threw milk at a bunch of idiots bullying you? Huh?”

“Y/N–”

“God, I can’t believe I almost let you get away with it again! I mean, do you even hear the bullshit that comes out of your mouth?” You deepen your voice, now doing a poor impersonation of him. “‘Hey, bug! You know I love you, right? Cool! Now, I’m gonna go do fuck all and ignore you and ditch you and then somehow turn it into me being a good guy because duh! I can never do any wrong!’”

“Please, just–”

“Did I get it right? It was a pretty good impersonation in my opinion. I mean, I am the one who has had to deal with this shit all fucking week. I think I'm an expert on this topic now.”

Jonathan looks pained but you don’t fucking care anymore. You’ve reached your limit, you’re sick and tired of being treated like some delicate creature that’s incapable of taking care of itself. You literally slapped Tommy Hagan this afternoon in order to help Jonathan, yet here he is basically calling you weak.

And yet Nancy is the fighter. She’s the one who gets to go along on the adventure while you’re sidelined because for some damn reason you’re always the second option. Never taking matters into your own hands, always the one left behind to clean up the mess and take care of those also discarded.

You’re sick of it.

You step closer to Jonathan again, so that you’re nose to nose, and whisper, “I’m tired of never being good enough.”

And with that, you reach into his coat and snatch up his keys, a game you’ve always played with him but now has turned into a bitter taste in your mouth, and run back into the gym. Someone has to inform the kids of the plan, make sure they’ll be okay on their own.

Dustin sees you approach and smiles, but when he notices the angry pace in your steps, he frowns. “Uh oh.”

“Yeah, uh oh.”

“Jonathan again?”

You nod, still too angry to trust your words. “Yeah.”

He notices the keys in your hand. “Where are you going?”

Mike and Lucas look over now, curious as to what’s happening.

You sigh. “I’m going with Nancy and Jonathan to the Byers house, we’re going to kill the monster.”

“Why the hell are you going?” Dustin exclaims while Mike shoutes “sick!” and Lucas mumbles “great, alone again”. El remains quiet, still resting.

You flick your brother’s hat. “I have to, Dustin.”

“For Jonathan?” He shakes his head. “I like him, but aren’t you mad at him right now?”

“Is it just me, or is she always mad at him these days?” Mike whispers over to Lucas, who simply shrugs.

“Girls, man.”

You ignore them and focus on Dustin. “It doesn’t matter. He needs my help, and no one in the party gets left behind. Remember?”

“Y/N–”

“I love you,” you kiss the top of his head. “I promise I’ll be safe, just be careful, okay? I’m putting you in charge, so don’t let me down. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll see you in a few hours tops!”

Dustin tries to argue some more, but you quickly run back outside before he can get another word in. You feel horrible leaving him behind, but you know this is the right decision. If you can kill the monster, there’s less of a chance of the kids or Joyce and Hopper getting hurt. Jonathan and Nancy may be fine on their own, but there’s always power in numbers and they’ll need all the help they can get.

You just… you have to help. You know this is what you’re supposed to be doing, even if it pains you to do so. Dustin and the kids are smart; as long as they stay at the school, they’ll be fine.

In theory, that is.

Nancy and Jonathan are waiting for you outside. You push past them and march towards Jonathan’s care; they awkwardly follow after you. You unlock it, throw yourself into the backseat, and promptly dig through your backpack to make sure you have everything.

The two teens get in a few minutes after you. Not one word is spoken as Jonathan starts the car and the three of you drive off, leaving Hawkins Middle behind.

–

You thought the car ride with Nancy and Jonathan from the funeral home had been tense, but this one? Downright painful.

Jonathan has a tight grip on the steering wheel and keeps trying to catch your eye through the rearview mirror but you avoid his gaze. You’ve spent the last five minutes arranging and rearranging your backpack to give you something to do while Nancy has tried three times to make conversation to make this car ride bearable.

“El seems nice.”

“You said four words to her, Nancy.” You retort, switching open your switchblade once more to watch the moonlight dance off of its blades.

“Right.”

Nancy shifts uncomfortably in the passenger seat. You know she realizes she’s once again upset the balance in your relationship with Jonathan. It was only an hour ago that she tried getting you to admit your feelings for him before convincing the boy to up and leave you. Sure, Jonathan made his own decision in the end, but damn. She could’ve at least pretended to want you around.

She notices your knives and tries to spark conversation again. “I love the color of the handle, it’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” you switch the blades closed and sit up in your seat. “Anyways, you geniuses have a plan or were you just counting on ditching me and winging it from there?”

“Y/N–”

“No, Nancy. I insist, let’s talk about a plan. We’re here to kill a monster, right?”

She closes her mouth and frowns, turning to Jonathan for help, but he’s no use. He’s busy tapping his fingers against the wheel and praying that the world will just swallow him up whole. Too bad for him you’re a stubborn pain in the ass and would simply pluck him back up so you can torture him some more.

Nancy sighs. “Well, Jonathan and I were thinking we use the supplies we got earlier and lure the monster to his place, then we kill it.”

“Awesome plan, guys!” You say, your voice dripping with sickly sweetness that leaves them both feeling even more uncomfortable. “But may I suggest some actual details or shall we just bank off of this wonderfully dull and vague plan?”

“Sure, Y/N. Tell us what you had in mind.” Nancy rubs her face tiredly, knowing she deserves this.

“Great! I’m assuming we’re luring the monster with blood?” They nod at you, so you continue. “Okay, so before we lure it I think we should completely booby-trap Jonathan’s house. Nail the bear trap down onto the floor, make sure the floor is cleared of anything that could trip us up. Then, once we’ve got the house secured, we knick ourselves to draw some blood and pray to whatever god is up there that we can kill the thing.”

You pause for a moment, remembering how all the Christmas lights had been unscrewed by Joyce earlier. “The lights, we need to fix them. The monster communicates through the lights so if we have them, then we can track it.”

“That all sounds great, bug.” Jonathan finally speaks up, ass kissing.

“Thanks, pal. Still don’t have the bug privilege back, but I’m sure you simply forgot.”

He gulps, once more going back to being silent as he drives you and Nancy to his house.

Nancy again tries to diffuse the tension. “How do we even kill the monster though? I mean, will my bullets be enough?”

“I have this idea, but it’s… well, it’s out there.” You bite your lip, now feeling your cocky demeanor slipping. “If we can safely set fire to it, I think that’s our best bet.”

“Fire?” Jonathan exclaims, but Nancy shushes him.

“I think you’re right.”

“Y/N, I know you’re mad at me but do we really have to set fire to my house–”

Now it’s your turn to shush Jonathan. “This isn’t about that. I wouldn’t burn your house down, I already told you I’d just pour tar on your car whenever I get the chance. For now, I really do think the best thing to do is burn the monster alive. In every horror movie and book, fire always gets the job done.”

Despite herself, Nancy lets out a soft chuckle as Jonathan parks the car, now at his house. “She’s right, Jonathan. And who burns down houses these days? Tar really is the best form of revenge.”

“I’m flattered, Wheeler. At the rate you’re going, you’ll be off my shitlist in no time.” You tell her, patting her on the shoulder before getting out of the car. You quickly open up the trunk and gather the monster hunting supplies while Jonathan and Nancy take their time getting out.

You let yourself into the Byers home using your own key to the place. It’s been nestled in between the key to your house and the spare key to Jonathan’s car on your keychain for a few years now.

The first thing you get started on are the lights. There’s hundreds of them to get through, but you drop your supplies and begin screwing them in one by one. Nancy and Jonathan come in soon after and silently begin to help.

No conversation is made besides the necessary comments about the prep work. You’re all too focused on the possibility of what could happen next; the danger of the situation has finally set in. After the lights have all been fixed, you instruct Jonathan to begin nailing the bear trap down while you and Nancy discuss where to pour the gasoline. You both agree to make a path from the living room to Will’s room.

As Nancy pours the gasoline, you follow behind her and pick up any flammables. You weren't lying to Jonathan earlier, you really don’t want to burn his house down. While the house is wrecked, it’s still a home despite everything that’s happened in it. You practically grew up within its walls, you’d do anything to keep it as protected as possible.

When you’re done, you watch Nancy load her gun. A shiver runs down our spine; she looks at ease with it, which you figure should be reassuring, but the gravity of everything leaves you feeling on edge. You leave her alone and walk into the kitchen where Jonathan is, now hammering a ton of nails into his bat.

You begin to sharpen your blades next to him, still finding that you only feel secure by his side. The rhythmic sound of his hammering calms you, in a sense. It serves as a distraction. You know you insisted on coming, you don’t regret it and you know you’re stronger than everyone seems to give you credit for, but you’re also terrified. This isn’t just some adventure in the woods; this could kill the ones you love dearly.

Once you’re both done preparing your weapons, the two of you walk to Will’s room and rig up a simple snare. Jonathan grabs a yo-yo and you pull up a chair to set it on. The idea is that when the string gets pulled, it’ll alert you that the monster has sprung the bear trap. It’s not the most efficient warning system, but it’ll have to do.

The last thing to do is set the bear trap, which takes all three of you to achieve. Jonathan and Nancy hold down the edges with their body weight and you very carefully set the trap with your hand. You shake a bit as you do so, but you force your nerves down. You remind yourself that Jonathan thinks you’re too weak, too cowardly, you have to prove him wrong.

When the bear trap clicks into place, you let out a harsh exhale and sink against the wall, your heart still pounding. Jonathan and Nancy copy you and the three of you sit in silence. You’re still shaking a bit, and Jonathan is next to you just as tense, but for the first time since you’ve met him you can’t reach out to grab his hand to steady yourself. He’s too far, both literally and figuratively. Even with him next to you, you couldn’t be more far apart.

In the back of your mind, you hope the kids are alright. Hopefully they’re having a better night than you currently are.

“C’mon,” you say after a few minutes, getting up to walk over to the living room. “We’ve done all we can, now we just have to draw some blood and be the prettiest bait in Hawkins.”

–

Nancy and Jonathan decide to cut the palm of their hands, but you respectfully would rather die than have a matching scar with them. The idea makes you so uncomfortable you visibly cringe when Jonathan tells you the idea. “Yeah, no thanks. I think I’ll find somewhere else to cut.”

He looks hurt by what you’ve said but doesn’t voice it. Instead, the three of you stand in the living room in a triangle facing each other and he begins reciting the plan. “Remember…”

Nancy goes first. “Straight into Will’s room and–”

“Don’t step on the trap.” You finish.

Jonathan nods. “And then?”

“Wait for the yo-yo to move.” The girl says.

“Then…” Jonathan flicks the lighter on.

You whistle low. “Let there be light…”

“Right. Light.” The boy nods again. “Alright, we ready?”

“Ready.”

“Scar time.”

Jonathan and Nancy bring their hands up and place their knives flat against their palms. You roll up your sleeve and place your own knife against the upper part of your arm, just below your shoulder, and take a deep breath.

“On three,” Jonathan says. He begins counting and you all can’t seem to stop shaking. He senses your unease and looks up at you and Nancy. “You guys don’t have to do this.”

Nancy glares at him, her own voice shaky. “Jonathan, stop talking.”

You nod. “Yeah, what she said.”

Jonathan tries to argue, but Nancy squeezes her eyes shut and yells, “Three!”

You close your own eyes and slice at your arm, the pain immediate. You gasp out, never having been good with pain, but you know you have to do this for Will. The blood trails down your arm, dripping from your elbow onto the ground, and you watch as blood from Jonathan’s and Nancy’s own cuts falls onto the ground too.

Well, at least it’ll be an easy scar to hide compared to theirs.

“Fuck, that stings.” You say to break the silence, and Nancy nods her head in agreement.

“Not the most pleasant feeling.”

Jonathan guides the two of you over to the couch and grabs the first aid kit that you had prepared on the coffee table. He sits in the middle, leaving room for both you and Nancy on each side of him, but you’re still pissed at him and opt to sit on the floor in front of the couch.

Nancy begins to patch up his wound, and it takes everything within you not to reach over and help him yourself. It feels unnatural to watch someone else taking care of him, but the space between you still feels too vast to cross.

You patch up your own cut while the two of them talk quietly. You wind a bandage tight around your arm, ensuring you won’t bleed through, and Jonathan watches above you with guilt in his eyes. Nancy is trying to reassure him that everything will be okay, but as he watches you struggle to tie the bandage he wonders if he’s fucked up more than just your friendship.

“Bug, let me help with that.” He leans down and ties your bandage before you can stop him.

You glare at him, still having not said anything to Jonathan besides what was needed for preparation. Nancy distracts herself by cleaning up around his cut and your stomach twists into knots. This is all so miserable.

“Y/N, I know you’re upset with me and you can go whenever. I won’t blame you, you’ve done enough for me.” Jonathan says, trying to catch your eye.

You turn away and inspect your bandage, still reeling over the fact that he tied it for you. “I’m here for Will, and only Will.”

“Y/N…” There’s a hurt in his voice that almost makes you turn around to throw your arms around his neck and whisper a million apologies to him. To tell him everything, that you love him and that you’d do anything for him and that’s why you’re so terrified of how you feel. You know you’d burn yourself up if it meant he’d be taken care of, if it meant he was safe and happy and far away from anything that could harm him. You know you’d use up everything within you to love him.

Instead, you remain silent.

After getting no response from you, Jonathan clears his throat and begins to say something about how the lights will serve as an alarm for the monster, trying to pretend that everything is okay, but he’s cut off by a sudden pounding on the door.

You all jump and your fingers tighten around your switchblade, ready to open it. As your heart pounds you think of all the possible ways the plan could go wrong. When you’re on possibility number twelve, a voice calls through the door.

“Jonathan?”

“Is that… Steve?” You say out loud, in complete disbelief.

Steve continues to pound on the door. “Are you there, man? It’s… It’s Steve! Listen, I just wanna talk!”

You’re the first to react, standing up to run over to the door. You fling it open and step outside, making sure Steve won’t be able to see inside the house. When he sees you, he stumbles back a bit. “Henderson?”

His face is still bleeding from earlier and his hair is a mess, and yet there’s a softness to him that you haven’t seen before with him. “Steve, now isn’t really a good time.”

“Can I just talk to Jonathan real quick? I just… I want to apologize about what happened earlier, see if we can maybe–” His eyes land on your bandaged arm. You curse and roll down your sleeve, feeling like an idiot for forgetting to hide the wound before going outside.

Steve reaches out to touch it, a hint of worry on his face and his voice is now full of concern. “Hey, are you okay?”

You shiver at his touch, it’s gentle as he skims along the bandage and inspects it for any other problems. You pull away, now hiding the wound. “It’s nothing, but you should really go.”

“I want to help you, Y/N. Do you need me to get you anything?” His face is so full of worry for you that it makes you ache. Then a thought occurs to him. “Wait, where’s Byers? Why isn’t he here to help you?”

You’re about to make up a lie, but Nancy flings the door open. “Steve, listen to me.”

He looks between the two of you in complete shock. “Okay, what–”

“You need to leave.” Nancy orders.

Steve looks at you. “I’m not trying to start anything, okay?”

“I know, but–” You get cut off by Nancy.

“I don’t care about that. You need to leave.”

Steve begins to plead with the girl and you step away a bit, not wanting to intrude. You feel bad for him, he looks so beat down by what’s happened today and you suppose that you can’t really blame him. After spending maybe a total of ten hours with Nancy and Jonathan, you also have come close to losing your mind.

If you were with Jonathan, if you truly had him, you’d react the same as Steve. Begging for the girl he loves to listen to him, to give him another chance with the promise of him changing.

“I just want to make things right.” Steve says, impressing you with his vulnerability. He’s openly admitting to his mistakes and taking accountability mere hours after the situation has occurred, leaving you both in awe of him and also saddened for him. He loves Nancy more than anything, you can hear it in his voice.

He deserves better.

As you’re thinking this, you see his eyes flicker down towards Nancy’s bandaged hand and his brows furrow. “What happened to your hand? Is that blood?” His eyes now flicker over to you again. “Why are you both hurt?”

“We’re clumsy?” You say as Nancy yanks her hand away from Steve.

“It was an accident.” She agrees.

Steve looks between the two of you, now sensing that something else is wrong. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” Nancy insists, but something in Steve’s demeanor shifts.

“Wait a second, did he do this to you? To Y/N?” His once soft voice is now filled with anger and you step in front of him.

“Steve, it wasn’t Jonathan. You need to go, I promise I’ll explain everything later–”

He grabs you by your side and gently moves you so that he can get past and shove through the door. Nancy yells at him to stop and tries to push him out, but she’s useless against his strength. When he manages to break in, he stumbles inside and scans over the house.

“Shit!” You follow after him, your brain running a million miles a second trying to figure out how to explain everything to him.

“What the fuck?” Steve mumbles, eyeing the bat with nails in it. “Y/N, what’s going on here?”

He’s looking to you for reassurance and you guess he assumes that the two of you are allies in this Jonathan and Nancy situation. You really wish you could explain, but Jonathan has grabbed him by the shoulders and is trying to push him outside. The two stumble around for a few seconds and you just helplessly watch.

“Steve, there’s no time to explain, please just listen to Jonathan and get out of here!” You’re helping Jonathan now, trying to get Steve out the door and away from harm’s reach, but he’s still fighting back confused and lost as ever and you pity him.

You hear a click and turn around, gasping when you see Nancy holding her gun up to Steve. “Woah, what the fuck Nancy?”

“What! What is going on?” Steve yells, now more panicked than anything else.

While Jonathan has stepped away, you find yourself standing in front of Steve as if to somehow block the bullet. You can’t let him get hurt, he doesn’t have any part of this, he can still have a normal and happy life if he just leaves now. “Nancy, put the fucking gun down, this isn’t helping!”

Steve pleads with her as well and the two of you scream at the girl to just listen and not swing around loaded weapons, but Nancy remains firm in her stance. “You have five seconds to get out of here. I’m doing this for you.”

“Because holding a gun to his head is any better than telling him the truth?” You exclaim, entirely over the situation.

As the four of you are arguing, the lights begin to flicker. Steve and Nancy don’t seem to notice, but you do. You look at Jonathan and say your first real words to him in hours. “Jonathan…”

He hears you and he runs over to your side, grabbing your hand as the two of you stand shoulder to shoulder. You feel your heartbeat race and you can feel him shaking beside you. He’s terrified, so are you, but his hand around yours manages to steady you.

“Nancy!” Jonathan tries to get the girl’s attention, but she’s too busy counting down to hear him.

He shouts at her again and the lights start to flicker more wildly and you draw your switchblade out, adrenaline coursing through you. It’s time.

Jonathan yells once more and finally catches Nancy’s attention. “The lights!”

She whips her head around and curses, Jonathan, still tightly holding your hand, tugs you along so that you follow him as he secures his weapons and grabs the bat. “It’s here.”

“What’s here?” Steve is flailing around, utterly lost.

You all ignore him and now stand back to back in a triangle. Nancy holds up her gun, Jonathan wields his bat, and you flick your wrist to bring out your knives. “Where is it?”

“I don’t know!”

The lights flicker rapidly and you feel overwhelmed. They were supposed to serve as a guide towards the monster, but there's no possible way to see which direction it’ll come from and for a fleeting moment you think you’ve made a huge mistake.

Steve is still screaming, demanding answers, but you’re too busy scanning your surroundings to offer him some information. “Hello? Will someone please explain to me what the hell is going–”

The roof opens up, cutting Steve off, and you scream as the monster attempts to come down right above you. Jonathan shields you from the fallen debris and you cling onto him in utter fear. This isn’t real. This cannot be happening.

Nancy begins to shoot at the thing while Jonathan guides you to safety. He brings you to the edge of the living room and holds your face in his hands, forcing you to really look at him for the first time all night. “Listen to me, stay here while I get Nancy.”

He kisses your forehead and then leaves, rushing over to Nancy to pull her away and guide her towards Will’s room. Steve stands next to you, frozen, and it forces you back to reality. The plan, you have to stick to the plan.

You grab Steve’s hand and yank him so that he follows. The monster has dropped down now, a horrible creature on all fours that opens its gaping mouth to let out a horrible screech that you feel deep within your bones. This is what killed Barb.

The four of you run to Will’s room and you only just barely have enough time to warn Steve about the bear trap. You look over your shoulder and shout, “Jump!” right as your ankle catches on its chains.

You fall. Hard.

Pain sears through your ankle and you try to get up, but any pressure on it sends flames through your entire body and you let out another scream. The monster catches up, looming over you, and you brace for your death. There’s no fucking way you’re getting out of this.

You squeeze your eyes as the monster stalks close to you, its ugly mouth open and ready to kill you. Jonathan is screaming at you to get up, but Nancy is holding him back from helping. You’re relieved by this, knowing that someone has to be there for Will once this is all done. He’ll need his brother, and Nancy seems to understand this. You catch her eye and nod at her, sending a silent thank you.

“Bug! No, let go of me! I have to help her, Nancy!” Jonathan’s voice becomes hoarse by how loud he screams, his voice breaking with fear and desperation.

Then, right before the monster lunges at you, you feel a familiar pair of arms slide underneath your legs and pick you up. “What–”

Steve Harrington has swooped in to save you, picking you up as if you weigh nothing, ever the athlete, and swiftly jumps over the bear trap while screaming his head off. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

You’re so delirious from the pain in your ankle and the adrenaline pumping through your veins that you can’t help but let a laugh escape you. No fucking way is any of this real. Steve Harrington is carrying you bridal style into Will’s bedroom with Jonathan and Nancy as witnesses.

What a life.

Once you’re both secured in the room, Steve sets you down gently right as Nancy yells at him to shut up. As soon as Steve lets go of you, Jonathan is at your side and pulls you into a crushing hug.

“Bug.” He breathes out against your ear, relief heavy.

“I’m okay.” You tell him, threading your fingers through his hair. He’s shaking harder than ever, and holding onto you as if he’s scared he’ll lose you again. “I’m okay, bee.”

He pulls away and his hands are all over you, checking everywhere for any other injuries. “Did it hurt you, are you bleeding? There should be a first aid kit–”

You grab his hands and kiss his knuckles, which seems to calm him down a bit. “I’m fine, just twisted my ankle. If you help me up, I’m sure I’ll be able to stand again.”

Jonathan quickly helps you to your feet and you lean against him for the extra support. While you put on a brave face for Jonathan, you’re terrified out of your fucking mind. You almost died. Jonathan is still holding your hand and he’s looking at you as if seeing you for the first time and you force yourself to look away. It’s the same look from the field days ago, when you thought he’d kiss you.

You have to focus on what’s at stake.

How the hell are you guys supposed to kill this thing?

The monster screeches, breaking the moment between you and Jonathan, and he flicks his lighter on and forces you to stand behind him. Nancy holds up her gun and you bring your knives closer to your face, Steve standing weaponless behind you.

You all wait, tense, for the monster. It stalks closer to the room, its awful growls alerting you of its proximity, but it doesn’t appear.

“What’s it doing?” Nancy asks, frustrated.

“I don’t know.” You respond, equally as frustrated and scared.

Another few agonizing seconds pass, and you stare at the yo-yo and hope that it remains still. Then, the lights stop flickering and it becomes quiet. All you can hear is your blood roaring in your eyes.

Nancy looks around. “Do you hear anything?”

“No,” Jonathan shakes his head, inching closer to the door.

“Wait!” You tug at your still interlocked hands. You pick up his bat that had been thrown on the ground and hand it to him. “Be careful. Please.”

He gives your hand one last squeeze before letting go, accepting the bat.

As Jonathan pokes his head out to see if the monster is outside, Steve bends his head down and whispers in your ear, “Romantic.”

“Shut. Up.” You hit him in the chest, fearfully watching your best friend to make sure he doesn't die. When he motions an all clear, Nancy follows him outside, then you, then Steve.

The house is silent and your heart sinks when you see that the bear trap has been left untouched. You realize with a horrible gut wrench that the monster is smarter than the three of you had anticipated.

So much for your plan, then.

“It’s smarter than we thought.”

“Yeah,” Jonathan agrees with dismay.

He stalks against the wall towards the living room and you all follow in a single file line. You do your best to stick close to the wall but you limp with every step. Your ankle is definitely out of commission for now. Great.

All of you are on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It couldn’t have been that easy, there’s no possible way that the monster simply up and left. You enter the living room, which has gotten even more wrecked due the monster. The wallpaper has been torn off of some parts of the wall and you see papers scattered everywhere.

“Shit…” you mumble, kicking at a shredded wallpaper strip.

In the corner, Steve has started to hyperventilate and mumble to himself. “This is crazy, this is so crazy, this is fucking crazy.”

You limp over to him and grab his shoulders, making him face you. “Steve, hey. It’s okay, I’m here.”

“Y/N, what the hell just happened?”

“It’s… complicated. For now, can you trust me that everything will be okay?”

“Of course I trust you, it’s just…” He nods, his eyes softening. You lessen your hold on him and give him a smile, he seems to be calming down. Then, he looks around the room and seemingly remembers where he is. “This is crazy!”

Steve lunges for the phone on the wall and tries to call for help.

You stumble after him, the pain in your ankle slowing you down. “Steve, wait–”

Nancy gets to him first, grabbing the phone out of his hand and throwing it across the room. He looks at her, shocked. “What are you doing? Are you insane?”

“It’s going to come back!” Nancy yells at him, and you wince at the way she treats him. You know Steve will only listen to her, but she could at least be nicer about the whole situation. The three of you have had some time to process everything happening, Steve was thrown into the deep end.

“You could be a little nicer,” you mumble, and Nancy sends you a glare. You raise your hands up in surrender. “Sorry.”

“Steve, you need to leave. Right now.”

He looks so overwhelmed and you give him a pitying look. He stares at you, reminiscent of the way he looked at you earlier in the alley, silently begging you to say something, anything, but again you can only shake your head at him. You won’t force him to stay, it wouldn’t be fair.

“Y/N, please…” He tries one more time to get you on his side, but you can’t. Frustrated by your lack of response, Steve groans. “Fuck it!”

He runs out the door.

You’ll admit that you’re a bit disappointed, but you also understand. Who in their right mind would stay?

You and Nancy share a look before the lights begin to flicker again. Dread fills you. “Fuck…”

Jonathan is back by your side and he and Nancy again form a triangle with you, all your backs pressed together as you desperately try to locate the monster. You all stumble in a circle, searching for any sign of the thing, but there’s nothing.

“Where is it?” Nancy gasps out.

“Just fucking show yourself!” You shout, just wanting this all to be over with. Your body is drained from living in a state of fear for so long.

“Come on you son of a bitch!” Jonathan echoes your taunts.

Suddenly the lights turn off and you’re left alone in complete darkness. Faintly you can hear the monster’s familiar growl approaching from behind you. The hair on the back of your neck stands up, the air stands still. It’s back. Before you can react, it pounces on Jonathan.

“Jonathan!” You scream alongside Nancy. Desperation takes over you and before you can even process what’s happening, you ignore the pain in your ankle and jump onto its back, stabbing repeatedly at it.

Your blades only bounce off of its thick skin and the monster struggles to get you off. You hold on as tight as you can, shouting and kicking at it so that it can’t hurt him, but then it opens its mouth and for a horrifying moment you’re afraid that Jonathan will die.

“No!” You scream even louder than before and double down on your effort, stabbing and slashing as much as you possibly can to try and create some damage, but your arms are starting to ache and your ankle now feels like it’s on fire.

“Nancy, its skin is too thick!” You sob out, nearing complete exhaustion. Then, just as you’re about to collapse from exhaustion, gunshots fill the room.

Nancy begins to shoot at the monster and with the help of your blades, the two of you manage to pierce its skin, but even then the damage is minimal. It’s not enough, it won’t be enough. Tears stream down your face and the monster only gets closer to Jonathan, so you do the only thing you can think of: you crawl onto the top of its body and stab at its mouth.

The monster lets out a blood curdling scream and flings you off of its back. You go flying across the room and land against the wall with a groan. All the air has been knocked out of you and your ribs are definitely going to be bruised tomorrow. Every part of you aches, but you manage to lift your head up and blearily process the monster now approaching Nancy as she continues to shoot at it, but it remains unphased.

You crawl over to Jonathan, who is still laying on the ground. He’s motionless, and you fight everything within you not to break down and sob. You have to keep going, he has to be alive. As you reach Jonathan and frantically check for a pulse, the monster has now cornered Nancy and her gun seems to be out of bullets.

It’s over. You know it is.

Right as you’ve accepted your fate, a screaming Steve Harrington wielding Jonathan’s bat once again manages to save the day.

He hits the monster with the bat, effectively saving Nancy and you’re so impressed with his batting skills that you almost find him attractive with how easily he hits and dodges the monster. However, you file those thoughts away for later and finally manage to wake Jonathan up. He startles with a gasp and you check over his chest, scared he may have gotten pierced by the monster’s claws.

“I’m fine, we need to help.”

You help each other up and you have to lean heavily against him due to your ankle. You bull riding the monster has only made the sprain worse; you’re too afraid to look down and see the damage that’s been done.

As the two of you hobble over to Nancy, Jonathan looks at you. “Is Harrington really here right now?”

“Yes.”

“Lovely.”

Steve manages to lure the monster closer and closer to the bear trap and you watch him in awe. He’s quick footed and so sure of himself, the complete opposite of the boy from only ten minutes ago who had run out of the house screaming his head off. Now, Steve is swift with his hits and even twirls the bat in his hand to show off. The small act causes you to smile despite the horrible circumstances.

By the time you and Jonathan are up and recovered, Steve has successfully led the monster straight into the trap. It clamps around the monster’s foot and it screeches, flailing around in the trap. Steve still has his bat held up, now frantically looking over to everyone else. “He’s in the trap! He’s stuck!”

“Jonathan, now!” Nancy screams, motioning over at him to use his lighter.

Jonathan listens, using his free hand to flick the lighter on and then drops it onto the ground, right into the trail of gasoline. Immediately the monster goes up in flames, letting out horrible noises. You all shield your faces from the flames and Jonathan pulls you closer into him, still having yet to let go of you; you feel yourself sink into his side as you watch the monster wither away.

“Bug, I have to get the fire extinguisher, do you think you can stand on your own?” Jonathan asks you, his voice soft but urgent.

You quickly nod and brace yourself for his departure. “Yeah, go.”

He lets go of you as gently as possible before running to grab the extinguisher. When he has it, he orders everyone to get back and then smothers the flames. It takes a couple seconds, but eventually the fire gets put out, leaving behind an awful stench that makes everyone cough and gag.

“Holy fuck,” you wheeze out, hunched over. “Burnt monster smells horrible.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Steve coughs out.

Nancy covers her face with her jacket. “Where did it go?”

“It has to be dead.” Jonathan pants against the wall, looking like he’s three seconds away from passing out. “It has to be.”

“It fucking better be dead.” You mumble, hobbling closer to see what exactly was left behind. When you get closer and see the giant lump of melted skin all over the bear trap, you gag. “Oh god. Yeah, okay. It’s dead.”

Everyone sighs with relief.

Then, you notice a Christmas light above you flicker on. Your heart stops, terrified that the monster has somehow survived, but then a second one turns on, then a third, until a path seems to be guiding you towards the living room.

You all follow, cautious but curious, but these lights don’t feel threatening. There’s an energy to them, a comforting one that leaves you breathless. When you get to the living room, tears form in your eyes, now understanding what this all is. You look at Jonathan, who also seems to be thinking what you are.

It’s Joyce, you know it is.

“Mom,” he breathes out.

You limp over to him and grab his hand. He turns to you, his eyes shining with an appreciation that he only ever has for you. He seems to be drinking you in, as if now realizing just how close the two of you came to dying tonight. You’re doing the same, thankful that he’s alive and standing next to you despite everything. There’s so much the two of you want to say, but as always the words aren’t needed. You understand each other perfectly, the balance between you centered once more.

You put your head on Jonathan’s shoulder and he brings his hand to your hair to softly stroke it. The two of you stand like that for a second, breathing each other in and enjoying the tenderness after such a miserable day, before you slowly break apart and follow the lights going outside.

The porch light flickers and Nancy stands next to you, watching it with uncertainty. “Where’s it going?”

“I don’t think it’s the monster.” Jonathan tells her.

“It’s Will.” You don’t know how you know this, or what makes you feel so certain that you’re right, but somehow you know that you are. Somewhere deep within you, you feel the faint outline of hope flicker.

A new silence surrounds the four of you at your words, and for once there’s hope between you all. Then, after a minute or so of silence, everyone begins to head back inside. Steve first, then Nancy, and finally Jonathan, leaving you alone with the crisp early winter air.

You take a deep breath, the cold air serving as a reminder that you’re alive. You let it fill your lungs until you can’t breathe in anymore, then you release the air through an exhale and feel your body settle into its exhaustion. This is the first time you’ve had a moment to yourself, so you let the exhaustion weigh upon you like a warm blanket.

Will is safe, you can feel it. Despite everything, he’s safe and alive. Jonathan is too, still your best friend regardless of all the unspoken words between the two of you. Dustin is at the school with the kids, away from danger. Everything is okay, it’ll be okay.

You let the moment wash over you, incredibly grateful to be lucky enough to have survived it all. Everyone you love and hold close to you is safe. You didn’t fuck up this time. God, you did it.

Jonathan comes running out after a while, his face alight with joy and he crashes into you and picks you up to twirl you around. You laugh, loud and freely, and bury your face in his hair as he continues. “Bee, stop! Put me down, you dummy!”

He does as he’s told, but doesn’t let go of you once your feet are on the ground. “My mom just called, they saved Will. He–he’s in the hospital, he’s okay.”

You squeal and throw your arms around Jonathan again, squeezing him so hard that you’re afraid you'll hurt him, but he simply laughs and squeezes you just as tight. Tears come again, but this time they’re happy ones, and if it weren’t for your ankle you’d be jumping up and down right now.

Jonathan’s laughter dies down and he cups your chin around his fingers so that you look up at him. “You did it.”

“We did it, bug.” You softly push against him. You can’t take all the credit.

His eyes are shining again, you haven’t seen him this happy in so long, you get lost in it. His face is lit up and his smile is back and you’re so in love with him that it claws against your throat and threatens to spill out in excess.

A beat of silence passes and Jonathan just soaks your presence in. You can’t quite read his face, but for once this doesn’t frighten you. You enjoy it, you relish in the fact that he’s still yours yet now forming into someone new and lovely and wonderful.

“You never gave up.” He whispers at last, adoration in his voice.

“Never.”

“You never left me.”

“Never.” You breathe out, the word so simple with such heavy weight behind it.

The moment is so raw, so tender, and Jonathan is giving you that look again, the one that leaves you feeling like the sun itself has settled upon you and kissed your cheek. His eyes flick down to your lips and you smile, taunting him to lean in. He seems to understand, giving you his own teasing smile before leaning in. You lean in as well, every part of you buzzing, and right before your lips touch his, Steve bursts through the door.

“Jonathan, dude, do you have like, any food in the house?” He asks, completely oblivious to what he’s just interrupted.

You and Jonathan break apart, laughing the tension away. He ducks his head down, clears his throat, and turns to Steve. “Sorry, man. Been a little busy this week for grocery shopping.”

Steve’s eyes bulge out of his head. “Oh shit, right. Sorry, okay. Uh… Well, I’ll be inside, I guess.”

“We’ll be in shortly.” You tell Steve. You want to be frustrated by his timing, but something tells you that you’ll have all the time in the world to tell Jonathan how you feel. Now just isn’t the time.

–

The moment you arrive at the hospital, Jonathan sprints out of the car and straight towards the front desk to find out where Will is. You and Nancy follow behind, figuring you won’t be able to see Will for a while since you’re not blood related, so the two of you wish Jonathan goodbye and head towards the waiting room.

Steve lags behind, obviously unsure where to go. Nancy immediately walks inside, but you notice his hesitation and nudge his shoulder. “I’m sure that the cut on your eyebrow needs to be looked out. Let’s go sit, okay?”

He sighs deeply. “Yeah, sure. Totally. Let’s go sit in a room full of people who probably hate me. No biggie.”

“Either come or don’t.” You shrug. “But the way I see it, you can start mending some metaphorical wounds while you wait in there.”

You don’t wait for Steve to figure out what to do, you know that Dustin is somewhere inside the waiting room and you’re buzzing to see him and the rest of the kids. You hobble inside, still very much in pain due to your injuries, but the moment you see your brother it all fades away.

He runs into your arms and almost knocks you down with the force. Dustin clings onto you, mumbling over and over again how sorry he is.

“Hey, wait a second,” you pull him away and crouch down, groaning a bit at the pain. “What are you sorry about? What happened?”

You look around the room and see everyone there. Nancy, Hopper, the kids, Steve, even Nancy’s parents, but there’s someone missing…

“El,” you breathe out.

Dustin’s lip trembles and he begins to cry. You soothe him, grabbing his hand to bring him over to the seats and sit between him and Mike. Lucas is to the left of Dustin and you can’t help but notice how all the boys have dried tears in their eyes.

When they’re ready, you have the kids explain what happened, and the more they tell you, the more guilty you feel. You should’ve been there for them, you left them all alone with that monster. You got Will back, and yet you’ve lost El as a result. It seems that no matter what you do, it’ll never quite be enough in the end.

“It’s not your fault.” You tell Dustin, who still keeps apologizing. It was you who had left him in charge, you’re why El ended up vanquished by the monster. “You did everything you could. I shouldn’t have left you guys all alone, but I’m proud that you all took care of one another, okay?”

He sniffs and nods his head, but you know he doesn’t believe you. All the boys are somber; you know it’ll take time for them to recover. So, you do what you do best, you console them. You hold their hands and rub their backs and offer your spare comics in your bag. You do whatever you can to comfort them, to reassure them that they’re safe now and that no one will hurt them, but the light in their eyes has dimmed.

They’ll never be the same again.

And El… she had been so young, you don’t think you’ll ever not feel the heavy weight of guilt whenever you think of her. She had been so sweet and had trusted you.

You should’ve been there, you wish you could’ve saved her.

Steve watches from his seat across from you. He listens in as you comfort the boys, taking care of them in such a natural way. He admires this softer side of you, one he hasn’t quite seen before. Sure, you’ve always been gentle and sincere, but watching you with the kids is something special in itself. You manage to get them to laugh, you offer them your shoulder to cry or sleep on, and you read aloud to them stories from your comics and Steve finds himself drawn towards your interactions with the kids.

It’s sweet, something delicate and lovely, and Steve admires everything that you are. When he sees you awkwardly stand up and stumble over to the vending machines in the hall, Steve finds himself following after you.

“Bitch!” You slam the palm of your hand against the vending machine in vain. The bag of chips hangs by the little spiral, taunting you.

“That’s not a very nice word, Henderson.”

You turn and see Steve, leaning against the wall with a fond expression. “You stalking me?”

“Nah, just wanted to watch you fight against a vending machine.”

“Ha,” you snort, turning back to the machine. “Unless you can help me get this last chip bag, you’re free to go sit back down.”

You mean it to be a joke, not expecting Steve to actually listen, but he’s at your side within a second. “Step back, let Steve handle her.”

“What–”

Steve motions for you to move, so you reluctantly do as you’re told. Once you’re out of the way, Steve claps his hands, stretches out his neck, and then begins to aggressively shake the vending machine.

“That is so not what you’re supposed to do–”

Suddenly the bag drops down from the hook and into the retrieval slot. Steve reaches inside, grabs the bag, and then dangles it in the air. “Tada!”

You laugh and grab the bag from him. “Okay, I’ll admit, that was impressive.”

“What can I say? I’m charming like that.”

“Sure,” you smile at him, neither of you have moved yet. He’s still standing in front of you with that cocky smile on his face that’s slowly started to warm on you. You truly do understand why so many girls have fallen for him. If you ever saw Steve on the street, a stranger passing by, you’d fall a little bit in love with him yourself.

The thought startles you. “Well, uh…”

“Yes?” Steve raises his eyebrows at you, smiling.

“Thank you for the chips. The kids haven’t eaten anything in hours, so…” You wave the three bags in your arms. “Gotta keep 'em fed.”

“Wait a second, there’s only three bags there. Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

“I only had enough money for the boy’s chips.” You say, feeling suddenly sheepish. “It’s fine, though. I’ll just eat a few pieces from them and wait until we get home.”

Steve scoffs. “Yeah, no.”

You frown at him, confused as he rustles through his jean pocket and pulls out his wallet. “I don’t want your money–”

He doesn’t listen and simply puts the cash into the vending machine and punches in a few numbers. Slowly, one by one, multiple different bags of sweets and chips come falling down within the machine. Once the last one has dropped, Steve bends down and offers the huge stash to you.

“A feast, on me.” He winks at you and you can’t help but blush.

“T–thanks, I guess.” You now carefully balance the rest of the snacks in your arms, the mound almost blocking your view. You’re not sure how much Steve just paid, but with all these snacks you and the kids will surely be well fed.

Steve shrugs, and if you weren’t so tired you’d think the blush on his face was a real one. “It’s the least I can do, all things considered.”

His words give you pause. You know he’s referencing earlier today, back in the alley where fists slammed against skin and he had dragged you away from your best friend, but the memory feels like years ago. So much has happened since then, Steve has saved your life since then.

“Steve…” Your ankle is starting to sting again from standing for so long, so you adjust your footing and try to figure out what you want to say. “I never got to thank you back at Jonathan’s.”

“Thank me?” His face scrunches in confusion in a sickeningly cute way that it almost distracts you.

“Yes. You saved my life tonight, Steve. I won’t ever forget that.”

“Oh…There’s no need to thank me. I mean, what are friends for?” Steve freezes and clears his throat. “I mean, shit. We aren’t friends, you keep saying that. Sorry. You know what I mean.”

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends?

“Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused.

“Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!”

“We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted.

Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

Steve starts moving around in what you can only guess is a happy dance. “Sweet! Does this mean I get a cool nickname, too?”

“A nickname?” A bag of chips threatens to fall from your arms, but Steve catches it before it can land on the ground and takes a few more snacks off of your hands.

He readjusts the snacks he now has so that he can carry them easier. “Yeah, I mean. Byers has one, why can’t I?”

You don’t think you’ll ever stop feeling so thrown every time Steve mentions a small detail about you that he’s somehow come to notice. He has a habit of doing that, surprising you by how much he seems to pay attention to you. You thought that no one ever had before, but Steve continues to prove you wrong.

“I’ll tell ya what,” you begin to walk back towards the waiting room, careful to step carefully to not drop anything or upset your ankle. “Let’s see how this ‘friends’ thing works out, then I’ll decide what nickname fits you best. Deal?”

Steve thinks for a moment and follows. “Hmm. I don’t know, I think I’ll need some type of precaution to make sure you give me a nickname in the end. I want one, Y/N. I’m so serious right now.”

You laugh at his pleading tone. “I can add you to my baking list. Whatever I bake, you’ll get a piece of it. Is that better?”

“God, yes!” Steve punches the air and cheers.

You’re smiling so much that your face aches. You haven’t felt this light and carefree in so long, you’d almost forgotten what it’s like. The two of you don’t say anything else as you walk back to the waiting room, though Steve seems to slow down so that you don’t hurt your ankle keeping up, though you still let out a few winces and groans.

When you’ve arrived back at your seat, Steve sets down the snacks and runs off without another word. You’re confused by his sudden departure but don’t think much of it. Instead, you wake the boys up and show them your array of snacks, which wakes them up immediately.

You’re mediating a fight between Mike and Lucas over who gets the bag of Chips Ahoy when a nurse interrupts. “Excuse me, ma’am. This young man over here told me I should come over and check out your ankle?”

The woman smiles and you look past her and see Steve sheepishly waving from his seat across from you. You’re stunned. Had he really gone out of his way to ensure your ankle gets treated?

You shake the thoughts out of your head and inform the woman all she needs to know. You tell her how you’d fallen and what type of pain you feel when you stand up. She inspects the ankle, her fingers cold but kind, and within a few minutes has diagnosed you with a sprained ankle.

“All you can really do is stay off of it for a few weeks while it heals. I can go and get you some crutches, if you’d like?” She asks, rolling her gloves off and tucking them back into her pocket.

You nod. “If you wouldn’t mind, that’d be great.”

The nurse leaves with the promise of being back soon. In the meantime she instructs you to keep your ankle elevated, so you prop it against the coffee table and wait. You’re annoyed that you even have to have crutches, but then you think of Barb, of El. You’re luckier than you should be.

–

After an hour or so, Jonathan opens the door to the waiting room. He spots you and Mike talking softly with each other and whistles over to catch your attention. When Mike looks up, Jonathan nods at him and the boy scrambles out of his seat.

“Guys! Guys! He’s up, Will is up!” Mike shakes awake Lucas and Dustin, who had been cuddling on the seats fast asleep. “Will’s up!”

Once they’re awake, they quickly follow after Mike and the three boys are gone in an instant, sprinting down the hall towards Will’s room. Clearly they’re eager to see their friend.

You do your best to get up as fast as possible, but your new crutches serve more as a nuisance rather than an aid. As you struggle to get up, somehow knocking over the mountain of snacks, Steve rushes over.

He grabs the crutches and offers you his hand. “Here, careful.”

“Thanks,” you awkwardly accept his hand and get up. Jonathan watches from the doorway, a curious look on his face. Nancy does the same from her seat, not saying a word as she watches Steve gently help you navigate the waiting room with your injury.

Jonathan holds the door open for you and takes over once you’re out the door. He grabs the crutches from Steve and is now the one to hold your hand, balancing you. “I can take it from here, Harrington.”

“Right, yeah.” Steve scratches the back of his head and coughs. “I’ll just… yeah.”

He heads back inside and you and Jonathan watch as he leaves. As soon as he’s out of earshot, Jonathan turns to you. “Are you two friends now or something?”

“We almost died tonight, bee. I think it’s safe to call Steve a friend now.”

Jonathan bites his lip, though there’s a far off look in his eye that leaves you feeling like you’ve missed something in the conversation. “Guess that’s true. Anyways, let’s get you to Will.”

By the time you make it to the room, the boys have swarmed around Will and are telling him everything he’s missed this week. He’s listening eagerly as they’re telling him about El, but when he sees you enter the room, his eyes light up and he tries to sit up.

“Y/N!” Will calls out, pure excitement in his voice.

You practically fall over in your haste to get to him. The second you’re close enough, you collapse onto his bed and give him the tightest hug you possibly can without hurting him. He feels so small against you, smaller than he’s ever felt before, and his sunken eyes and pale skin make you want to cry.

But he’s alive and here and in your arms once again, happy and wonderful and safe.

“Little bee,” you try not to cry, but tears are thick in your voice. “I missed you.”

Will manages a weak smile and shrugs, trying to play off the gravity of the situation. “Took a little detour home.”

You laugh and ruffle his hair. “At least you came home, that’s all that matters.”

“Ahem,” Mike obnoxiously clears his throat, effectively ending your moment with Will. “You’re hogging Will, move over.”

You laugh again and move away, allowing the boys to resume their millions of updates. You maneuver your crutches and walk over to Jonathan, who is standing by the door. He’s looking at the boys and Will with a soft smile on his face and you join him, standing side by side as you watch your boys finally come together again.

Then, you feel a pair of eyes on you and you turn around. Nancy is leaning against the doorway behind you; she looks frail and distraught. There’s a sadness in her eyes as she watches the kids. You know that watching the boys reunite with their friend must remind her of Barb. She never got her happy reunion.

You feel awful for the girl, so when her bittersweet smile drops and she turns to leave the room, you nudge Jonathan to make him aware of the situation. He sees her fleeing and begins to follow after her, but he stops.

“What are you waiting for? Go.” You tell him, knowing it’s for the best.

He shifts his weight, uncertain. “Are you sure?”

You’re not sure how to decipher the hidden meanings underneath those three words, but you find that you’re exhausted trying to keep reading between the lines. The feelings you’ve kept buried bubble to the surface, but you remind yourself that he loves Nancy, despite your weird moments of almost with him. There’s something there between you and Jonathan, you both can feel it, but it feels too raw and fragile to bring into the light.

Without having to ask, you know that Jonathan will choose her.

It breaks your heart, but you look over at Dustin and Will, who are laughing about some joke while Joyce gazes at them fondly, and you know that you can’t lose this. Maybe Jonathan knows this, too. The small family you’ve built together, it’s too precious to ruin.

Joyce and your boys, you can’t lose them. They’re yours, and Jonathan is yours in a way that you can’t quite keep to yourself forever, but for now it’s enough. You approach Joyce, grab her hand and give her a tired smile, and the smile she returns to you reminds you that this is more than enough for you.

You turn to Jonathan, pushing down your feelings once more in favor of appreciating the fact that Will is looking at you again, alive. “Go, bee.”

Jonathan gives you one last look. You study his face for a moment, watching as it shifts from confusion, to hurt, then finally into acceptance. You’ll never be sure of what exactly he’d been thinking in that moment, but it seemed to have been enough for him, too.

He smiles, lets out a deep breath, and then leaves.

The door closes softly behind him.

–

A month later you find yourself in the passenger seat of Jonathan's car, tired from your shift at Bookstrordinary but excited to pick up your brothers. Somehow, even after missing three consecutive shifts last month, Mrs. Waters refused to fire you.

But Jonathan? He hadn’t been so lucky. His boss fired him from the Hawk, but he hadn’t been too upset. He still drives you to and from work, so you suppose things could be worse.

It’s late, but the two of you take your time driving to the Wheeler’s. Nothing much has changed between you two following Will’s reappearance. Sure, maybe you’re at his house more just to make sure Will is adapting well, but besides that everything seemed to go back to normal.

Well, almost normal.

Steve appeared at your job a few days after your conversation in the hospital. He had surprised you when you walked in, and when you asked what he was doing in a bookstore, Steve simply shrugged and said, “You can’t figure out my nickname if we don’t hang out, right? So, I’m here.”

He had become a regular at the store, stopping by whenever he could, and slowly the two of you became good friends. You’ve come to enjoy Steve’s presence, something that you never thought would ever happen. But he keeps you company as you work, he wanders around and explores the comics and books you recommend to him, and it’s nice having someone to goof off with.

Plus, you did promise to add him to your baking list, so he’s also become your taste tester who happily eats any creation you bring in for him.

As for Nancy…

That was more of a sore subject for Jonathan.

There was a few weeks following Will’s reappearance that you thought Jonathan and Nancy would get together, but it never happened. You’re not quite sure why, maybe it had something to do with Jonathan’s hesitation of approaching her, but it had crushed him when you and he saw Nancy and Steve making out in the hall as if nothing bad had ever happened.

The way Jonathan’s face crumbled when he saw the couple only solidified that he’d never be yours, but you comforted him anyways. You told him he deserved better and then dragged him away. It’d taken him a few days, but eventually Jonathan was able to fake a smile again.

You haven’t spoken about it since that day, but you leave your window open most nights for him to crawl in. The nightmares from that night fighting the monster plague you both, and the loneliness feels a little heavier than usual, but at least you have each other.

“Jonathan! Y/N! Come in, the boys are downstairs.” Mrs. Wheeler answers the door, letting the two of you in. “And Y/N, I love that sweater on you.”

You thank the woman. “It was a gift from my mom. She claims I need to up my wardrobe, whatever that means.”

“Well, I think she has lovely taste.”

“I’ll let you know you think so!” You open the basement door and motion for Jonathan to go down first.

When he reaches the bottom of the steps, Jonathan makes a face. “Woah, what’s that smell? Have you guys been playing games all day, or just farting?”

“My vote is farting.” You say, hopping down the last step. Your ankle has mostly healed by now, but sometimes if you land on it wrong it makes a weird clicking noise followed by some pain, but you choose to pretend that it’s normal.

The boys laugh and Lucas points at your brother. “Oh, that’s just Dustin. He farted.”

He begins making fart noises with his mouth and you and Dustin share a look. “Very mature, Lucas.”

The boy continues to sing and make fart noises and you can’t believe that this is your life. You’re standing in a smelly basement while picking up your stubborn brother all while simultaneously enjoying the fact that you get to call this your life.

Jonathan calls over to Will to grab his things, so you follow suit and gently berate Lucas. “Alright, that’s enough. I gotta get Dustin home.”

“What, I thought I got to stay–”

“Jonathan is our ride and I made cookies, so let’s go.”

The moment the word “cookies” leaves your mouth, Dustin hops up and collects his things without any further argument.

Once he’s ready, he and Lucas play wrestle as they say goodbye. While they’re distracted, you walk over to Mike and discreetly hand him a container full of double fudge brownies. You’d specifically made them for him, knowing they were his favorite, because you noticed how hard it’s been for him to adjust to El being gone. He really cared about her, anyone could see that.

Mike’s eyes widen and he throws his arms around you. “Thanks, Y/N.”

You pat his back. “Anytime, Wheeler.”

Dustin breaks away from Lucas and runs up the stairs, so you take that as your cue to leave.

Upstairs, Jonathan and Will are talking to Mrs. Wheeler. When they see you enter, the woman turns to you and asks if you’ll be bringing over your usual round of holiday treats. “Of course, I’ll get started on them tomorrow. You guys still like the sugarbread cookies?”

“If you make them, I think I’ll die of happiness.” Mrs. Wheeler informs you, and you laugh and tell her that you’ll have them ready as soon as possible.

You bid her goodbye, Dustin now by your side, and you follow Jonathan and Will to the front door. Right before you open the door, Nancy calls Jonathan’s name from the top of the stairs.

“Hey, Jonathan, wait up!”

You, Dustin, and Will stand awkwardly in the back while Nancy hands Jonathan a wrapped gift and wishes him a merry Christmas. They share an awkward exchange since Jonathan hadn’t gotten her anything, but Nancy assures him that it’s fine. The interaction is painful to watch as Nancy doesn’t spare you a single glance. Dustin and Will look at you uncertainly when she kisses Jonathan’s cheek, but you ignore them and pretend to be interested in a Christmas decoration on the table.

This will never get any easier.

“You ready?” Jonathan turns back to you guys, a blush on his face, and all you can do is silently nod.

In the car you sit in the back with Dustin, who squeezes your arm in reassurance. He’s come to understand your complex feelings for Jonathan and has pieced together Nancy’s involvement. While he’s never outright consoled you, he’s shown his support in other small and wonderful ways.

“Thanks,” you whisper, and Dustin smiles.

“We all buckled up?” Jonathan asks as he starts up the car.

“Yes, captain.” You mock salute.

Will giggles at you before he sees the gift and looks up at Jonathan. “Can I open it?”

“Yeah, sure.”

You and Dustin lean forward so you can see what’s in the box. When Will unwraps a beautiful, and no doubt expensive, camera, you gasp. The bitterness and hurt from moments ago vanishes. This gift is from Steve, you know it is, and something warm settles deep within your bones.

You think about last month, how you’d told him not everyone can just afford a camera.

Seems like Steve listened.

Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

–

A week later you knock on the Byers’ door, a giant container of your annual holiday cookies in your arms.

“Bug!” Jonathan answers the door with an excited smile on his face. His new camera is in his hands and before you can even process what’s happening, he’s already taken a photo of you with your crooked earmuffs and oversized box of cookies.

He’s been using the camera ever since he got it. There’s now multiple pictures of you, always unaware or caught off guard, now hanging in the kitchen. It makes you blush to think about.

“You didn’t even give me a chance to smile.” You complain, shoving your way inside. It’s snowing and you’re freezing.

Joyce grabs the container to help you as soon as she sees you. “Here, honey. I’ve got it.”

You thank her and walk over to Will, who is drawing at the kitchen table. “Hey little bee. Whatcha drawing?”

“Hi, Y/N.” He slides over his picture and you’re shown a quick sketch of you and the party, this time fighting what appears to be a misshapen dog. “It’s a Dire Wolf, we’re fighting it in our latest campaign.”

“Ah, I see. Looks fluffy, though. Can’t possibly be a dangerous creature.”

Will rolls his eyes at you. “This is why you don’t play with us.”

“Careful, you’re sassing the girl who has just bravely ridden her bike through the snow to deliver her famous Christmas cookies.”

Will is out of his seat in an instant, running over to his mom, who has just placed the container on the counter. “Did you make the oatmeal raisin cookies?”

“Duh,” you snort.

“And the chocolate chip?”

“I sure did.” You stand next to him and point at a new cookie you’re trying out this year. “This batch is a caramel banana one. Steve seemed to like it and I think it’s pretty good, so I hope you do too.”

Jonathan swoops over and kisses your head. “Of course we’ll like it, bug.”

“He’s right, you know. We always love whatever you make us, honey.” Joyce informs you, her mouth now full of cookies.

“I’d hope so, this is like my fifth year making these for you guys. It’d be awkward if you hated my baking.” You say, now securing your earmuffs back on your head. “Anyways, I should get going. It’s Christmas, my mom won’t want me out too long.”

Joyce looks out the window and frowns. “Did you really bike here in this weather?”

“It wasn’t too bad, I’ll be fine–”

“No. Jonathan, grab your keys and drive Y/N home.” She stares you down, daring you to argue with her, but you don’t. You know better than to argue with Joyce Byers.

Once Jonathan has his keys, you say goodbye to everyone and wish them a merry Christmas. Jonathan throws your bike in his trunk and soon you’re off on the road. The drive is quiet but cozy. The snowflakes fall in a pretty spiral and there’s a soft song playing on the radio.

Sometimes, if you close your eyes, you can pretend that the events from last month never happened. Will never disappeared. You never discovered that you love Jonathan. Nancy Wheeler never became friends with Jonathan, possibly something more had there been more time. When you close your eyes and sit still, you can imagine that your brother never has nightmares that wake him up screaming. That your heart doesn’t hurt when you make your best friend laugh.

For a moment, you can forget.

“Can we always stay like this?” You ask Jonathan softly, almost as if you’ll disturb the peace that winter has brought with its quiet snow.

“Like what?”

You’re not sure how to express what you’re feeling. “This, us. Together.”

“Of course we’ll always stay like this.” He grabs your hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it. He says this like it’s a fact, the most obvious thing in the world.

“Pinky promise me.” You hold your pinky up. You know it’s silly, but you need him to hear you, to understand what you’re saying.

Jonathan looks over at you. “Y/N–”

“Please, promise me, bee.”

He’s silent for a moment, seeming to understand the weight of everything between, around, and within the two of you. Then, he extends his pinky finger and wraps it around yours. “I promise, bug.”

And you believe him.

[END OF SEASON 1]

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nialledfromfics · 8 years ago

Text

- twenty -

“I’ll let you drag me to hell if it means you’ll hold my hand.”

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes

But it’s the only thing that I know

When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Hearts are never broken

And time’s forever frozen still

So you can keep me

Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans

Holding me closer ‘til our eyes meet

You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home

Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul

And it’s the only thing that I know, know

I swear it will get easier,

Remember that with every piece of you

and it’s the only thing we take with us when we die

You can fit me

Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen

Next to your heartbeat where I should be

Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me

Well, that’s okay baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won’t ever let you go

song

previous chapters

I could have never known what my life was going to turn out to be. I could have never known that within a year’s time, I would fall madly in love and marry that man and become a mother. Not in a million years could I have ever known that. But I’m so grateful it happened.

Our beautiful daughter, Emerald “Emmie” Horan, was born three weeks later. Gorgeous bright blue eyes with a ring of gold to match her daddy’s and a full head of stark blonde hair to match her mama’s. She was healthy, vigorous and full of life. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby girl. Proud was an understatement; the moment I saw her sweet pale little face, with her chubby pink cheeks and big wide eyes, she reminded me so much of him. She was all him. And I was finally happy again. She brought the life back to me when I was certain I had no more. She made me realize what I was here for. What he had left me. Her and her brother, Cash.

I moved to Mullingar a couple weeks before she made her grand appearance, the timing of it all pretty damn impeccable. Cash and I had just fully settled into our new place when I awoke in the middle of the night with labor pains. It all seemed like a blur really, flashes of him in my head as I screamed and pushed for hours, finally bringing our precious and most perfect baby into the world. I cried when I laid eyes on her, smiling blissfully through my tears as the doctor gently rested her on my chest, knowing that Niall had been right the entire time. It was a girl. And he knew.

He always knew.

And I knew exactly what to name her.

I tucked my wind blown hair behind my ear as I drove, all alone with the windows down and the radio blasting, the bright Irish summer sun tingling my skin. Adjusting my sunglasses, I peered down at the gauges, seeing I would need petrol soon in the Range but knew I had just enough to make it back to Dublin. I slid my hand down the steering wheel as I turned onto a different road, my head tipping back against the headrest as I picked up my speed just a little bit.

Every time I sat in this seat, in his car, it made me think about him. Remember him. My mind settling back and replaying everything that happened that day.

I stayed in that closet, wrapped up in the warmth of my little boy for what seemed like hours. No noises echoing out in the condo, no rustling, yelling or gunshots; just silence. Niall had left, and he had yet to come back. I finally got the courage to emerge from our safe spot about four hours later, Cash absolutely starving as he had begun to get restless and both of us dying of thirst. I eased us out, still wiping away at the tears that endlessly seemed to fall from my eyes and slowly walked us out into the main living area towards the kitchen. The entire house was a disaster, broken furniture and household objects everywhere, broken glass and torn up papers. Pressing my eyes closed, I gulped in a breath and swallowed hard, shifting Cash on my hip as my eyes fluttered back open and I stepped through the mess to make my way into the kitchen.

I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew this little boy had to eat. Picking up his knocked over high chair, I placed him in it and settled him in with some cereal and a cup of milk. Taking a drink of water, I turned and glanced around the room. With my eyes almost swollen shut from crying and a headache that could have probably sliced my head in two, I rubbed my palm down my tummy before letting out a defeated sigh. This place obviously wasn’t safe for Cash and wasn’t going to clean itself and with not much else I could do as I waited for Niall to come back, I decided to try and tidy up a bit. Turning back to Cash, I shot him a smile as he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth and bent over to kiss the top of his head before I got to work straightening up.

I spent the next few hours cleaning up as much as I could, overturned furniture having to be left as I could not possibly lift most of it. I was able to get a shower in as Cash took a little nap, my ears on high alert as I still had that nagging feeling that something bad was going to happen at any second. It had been hours and I still hadn’t heard anything from Niall and it was seriously starting to worry me. Checking my phone relentlessly, I called his number over and over, but still nothing.

I tried to fight it off, tuck it away and pretend it wasn’t there, but that feeling, that sick and twisted feeling that I knew so fucking well that kept bubbling back up in the pit of my stomach. Cash was the only thing that could settle it. Looking at him, knowing he needed me, was the only thing that helped me stay calm.

A little bit after his nap, I had set him down in his room so he could play, the only space safe enough for him and not disturbed by the intruders. Walking back out towards the living room, I was stopped mid step as I heard my cell phone ringing from the bedroom. Rushing in, my heart was beating like crazy as my fingers mindlessly fumbled to grab the phone and answer it, not even wasting a moment to check who it was.

“Niall?” I choked out, weirdly out of breath. My fingers curled into the bottom hem of my top as I waited, listening intently for the sound of his voice.

“Um…hello. I’m looking for a….Jules?”

The voice was unfamiliar, my heart stalling and sinking in my chest. I ran a hand through my hair, my jittery fingers pressing to my mouth as I stumbled with my words. “I, uh…t-this is h-her…”

“Hello dear, this is Katie ringing from St. James Hospital–”

“Hospital?” I cut her off, my voice cracking as I eased myself down on the bed, sitting on the edge, my face dropping into my palm. No. Oh God, this isn’t happening. No!

The woman paused on the other end. “Yes, ma’am. I’m ringing you because we have a patient here that has come in to us in very critical condition and it would be best for you to come round to the hospital as soon as possible–”

I swallowed hard, the tears already burning their way up my throat. “W-who is it?” I practically shrieked at her through the line, praying his name would not be the one she answered with.

“Niall Horan, ma’am.”

The blood stopped cold in my veins, my heart ceasing to beat. My eyes went wide, mouth falling agape as my face lifted from the cradle of my palm. I felt the heat rise straight from my toes to my cheeks and the room quickly becoming a blurry haze as I fought back my tears. “Is…um, is he o-okay?” I stammered out, my voice weak.

I heard her clear her throat. “Ma’am he’s been very critically injured, he…I think it’s best you just come round.”

I didn’t even give her time to finish before hanging up the phone and jumping up to rush into Cash’s room, grabbing him and taking off out of our condo towards the tram. We arrived at the hospital within eighteen minutes, my breaths quick and my heart racing out of my chest as I held Cash in my arms and made my way to the main front desk.

“Hi…um,” I spoke hurriedly as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, “I’m looking for Niall Horan? I- I got a call-”

“Are you Jules?” A doctor that was standing nearby asked as she had overheard my worried voice. I peered up, a group of six or so nurses and doctors all staring at me.

My mouth dropped slightly and I just nodded my head before knitting my brows. “Where is he?” I asked, stepping up to them, “Is he okay?”

“Why don’t we find a quiet place to talk–”

“No!” I screamed out to her, yanking my arm away from her grasp as she had tried to lead me elsewhere. “Where is he? I need to see him, where is he?”

“Jules–”

“Mrs. Horan,” I corrected, darting eyes with her and flicking my stare to the other nurses. “I’m his wife. Now tell me where the fuck he is!”

“Listen, Mrs. Horan, I think we should just take a moment–”

“No!” I shouted, shaking my head, the tears filling the brims of my eyes as I struggled to hold Cash on my hip. “I want to see him! Let me see him! Now! I want to see him right now!”

“I understand that Mrs. Horan, but things have changed drastically since–”

My eyes went big, my dry lips parting as I locked my watery stare on hers. “What-…what do you mean-…he’s okay, right? You said he was okay!” My eyes whipped over to each of the other hospital staff, the looks on their faces making the sickening feeling swell from my stomach all the way to my fingertips. “You said he was okay!” I burst out in a cry, my legs buckling underneath me. “He’s okay…y-you said…he’s…he’s okay–”

A nurse jumped out to grab at me, another reaching out to grab at Cash. They tried pulling him from my grasp as my feet stumbled to regain my balance. “Give me my son!” I snapped at them, tightening my grip around Cash and tugging him closer to my body. “Give me my son…you can’t…you can’t take him away!”

“Mrs. Horan, please, we aren’t taking your son away, we just need you to calm down–”

My head shook as I stood back on my feet, my face drenched in tears as I frantically shot my eyes around the building. “Where is he?” I yelled over and over, my voice getting more shrill, “I need to see Niall, please. Where is he? Please!”

I dropped my head, my arms curling tight around Cash as I shut my eyes and buried my nose in the soft dark hair at the top of his head. “Please…please I just need to see him.”

“Ma’am…”

I shot my eyes up, completely bloodshot and entirely hopeless. “Please,” I whispered.

Nodding her head, she pressed her lips in a line and gently reached out to take my hand. “Okay, you can see him.”

A nurse followed us as the doctor slowly led us down the hall, past the emergency and ICU units and straight back to the very end of the hallway. Stopping in front of a windowless door, the doctor turned to me, her soft brown eyes floating over my grief stricken face. Throwing a nod to her accompanying nurse, he reached out to open the door, my body freezing on the spot as my blurry eyes began to focus on the sight in front of me. My mouth dropped open as I slowly stepped into the chilly room, my chin trembling as I struggled to pull in a breath. My chest was on fire as it begged for air, my lungs constricting as my dry throat began to close up.

There he was.

Covered in a sheet.

“Mrs. Horan,” the doctor spoke up softly, “I want you to know that we did everything we could to save your husband. The damages…they were just too significant in the end–”

I gasped in a jagged breath, my eyes rolling back in my head as my body fell limp and I began to fall to my knees. The nurse reacted fast and caught me under my arms to ease me to the floor as the doctor reached out and slipped Cash from my limp arms, holding onto him. My head drooped low, my body heaving and shaking as I strained to take in strangled breaths, sharp and painful through my sobs.

I pressed my eyes closed, tipping my head back as the hot tears streamed down the sides of my face and over my jaw, beading up at the collar of my shirt. “Niall…” I whispered, letting my head roll forward again. I let out a loud cry. “No! No no no!” I screamed, slapping my hands down to the cold tiled floor in front of me until my palms began to turn beet red, “No! No! No…no!”

The nurse bent down beside me, a caring hand rubbing over my back as I continued to cry and mumble incoherently under my breath. Shaking my head, I wiped at my tears with the back of my hand before forcing my swollen eyes open. I stared forward at the hospital bed in front of me, my head clouded with emotions and too many vivid thoughts of him. “What happened to him?” I finally spoke up, my voice soft.

The doctor let out a shallow sigh. “Mrs. Horan, I think we should–”

“What happened to him?” I demanded a bit louder, looking up at her.

“He was brought in with a gunshot wound to the head.” I squeezed my eyes shut again, rolling my lips into my mouth as I let my head hang down, my hunched over back heaving through my continued cries. “We tried our best. The injuries were just…we thought we had him stabilized, but it was just too much damage in his brain for him to fight anymore. He unfortunately passed a few minutes after we contacted you.”

I slipped my fingers through the sides of my hair, tucking my face down into the sides of my forearms as I let my mind try and wrap around everything she was telling me. My love, my beautiful love, my husband, my life. He was gone. He was really fucking gone.

Sucking in a breath, I shot my eyes up, lifting my chin to look back up at the bed. “I want to see him.”

“Mrs. Horan, we don’t really advise anyone to see the deceased–”

“He’s my husband!” I shouted, furrowing my brows as I looked up at her. “I need to see him. I have to…” I flicked my eyes back over to Niall, swallowing hard as I felt the tears filling the brims of my eyes. “I need to say…say goodbye.”

Without another word spoken, the doctor and the nurse left me alone in the cold dimly lit room with Niall, taking Cash with them. Letting my eyes flutter closed, my fingers curled around my knees as I stayed knelt on the floor, not sure if I even had the strength to get up. I blew a heavy breath past my dry split lips, swallowing back my need to just want to sit here on the floor and cry for a few more hours.

Easing myself up to my feet, I tucked my bottom lip in between my teeth as I slowly walked over to the hospital bed. My broken heart knocked against my ribcage as I got closer and I reached out with my shaky hand, slowly dragging my fingertips along the edge of the bed over the sheet and tracing the length of his body. Pausing my fingers by his shoulder, I let my fingertip graze over the stretch of the sheet, my frail body coming to a stop right beside him. He was completely covered, the soft yellow colored fabric gently draped over him from head to toe. I could see the gentle outline of his profile pressing against the material and I pushed a hand to my mouth, pinching my eyes shut as I tipped my head to the side, the thought of him not breathing, not alive underneath that sheet, far too much for me to take.

I sniffed back my tears, wiping them away from under my eyes as I blinked away the haziness, and peered back down at him. I had to do this. I had to see his face. Taking in a deep breath, I reached out with one hand, my fingers curling into my fist as I hovered it over the front of his face. My chin shook as I forced myself to keep going, reaching near the top of his head to pinch the material of the sheet between my fingers and gently tugging on it.

I could feel the air around me become stagnant, sticking to the inside of my dry throat as I struggled to swallow down the sick feeling that was swirling so vehemently in my stomach. Pulling the sheet all the way down to uncover his face, I gasped, dropping it to drape at his shoulders as I slapped a hand to my mouth, stumbling back and grabbing at the side of the bed to steady myself so I wouldn’t collapse to the floor again.

Covered in bruises and scrapes, they had bandaged his head where his gunshot wound was, but he was still covered in splattered blood, dried and flaking off his pale skin. His eyes were closed, the area around them swollen and tinged a light purplish blue. His nose still soft looking, bruised but dotted with his dark freckles mixed with spots of blood. His lips pale, chapped and split down the middle, mouth slightly parted with crusted blood seeping out of the corner and down into the stubble that covered his chin. His cheeks were not their usual bright pink, they were not puffy from happiness and flushed from pleasure. They were sunken in and cut up and his skin was almost snow white.

But past everything, he was still my Niall.

The hot tears filled my eyes once again and I dropped my hand from my mouth and reached out to touch along the side of his face. His skin was tepid, not its normal fire warmth but not quite cold. My fingers shook as I slowly dragged them along his skin, combing them through the hair that stuck out above his ear. “Oh, Niall…” I whispered, my voice so soft that I could barely hear myself over my sniffles, but I knew he could hear me.

“Why?” I asked him softly, pausing as if I was waiting for him to answer me. My focus shifted from watching my fingers to rest back at the soft skin of his face, tracing over all his ruggedly delicate features. He was still the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life. “Why would you do this? To me? To Cash…oh God, baby, why?”

I began to cry again, pushing my other hand to my forehead as I dropped my chin down to my chest. My shoulders trembled as I cried quietly, the tears falling heavy as if this was the first time I had cried all day. “Why did you leave me?” I said, my voice raising as I looked back down at him. “Why did you leave us? You didn’t even get to meet your baby…”

The words drifted off as I flicked my eyes away from him, scraping my teeth along my bottom lip. “Our baby…” I mumbled.

I peered back down at him, my head shaking as I drew in a breath. “I love you. I love you and you left me. You swore you’d never leave me!” I threw my hands to my face, cupping them around as I gently sobbed, the reality of what I was now going to have to face on my own hitting me hard. My eyes popped open as I heard the door to the room swing open, the doctor slipping half inside.

“Mrs. Horan, are you alright?”

Dropping my hands to the edge of the bed, I softly nodded my head to her, watching as she gave me a small smile and stepped back out. Glancing back down at him, I let my eyes drift across his features, soaking up every bit of him that I could. Anger was not what I wanted to leave here with, I wasn’t angry with him, I was angry with the cards that we had been dealt. It wasn’t fair. Nothing was fair. But that didn’t change how I felt about him. I loved him.

I would always love him.

Leaning down, I softly cupped my small hand around his stubbled jaw as I rested the side of my face to his, my lips settling right at his ear. My eyes fluttered closed as I took in a deep breath, the faint smell of him still evident as I breathed him in and held him in my lungs. “I will always love you. You will always be my everything, my heart and soul. I will never forget what you’ve given me, what you showed me, everything you taught me. I will be the mother to our children that you never had, just like you were the love of my life that I never thought I deserved. You are my hero, my protector,” I let out a small cry, a tear slipping down my skin as I pressed my temple against his, “You are the love of my life….and I will never forget you.”

Raising my face from his, I placed a tender kiss to the top of his cheek. “Thank you, Niall.”

I come back to Dublin a few times a week. I have to, for many reasons. It has been a year since Niall left us. An entire year that I have been alone, raising our children by myself. An entire year that I have had to process and try and work through everything that happened that day. The worst day of my life. I don’t discuss it much with the children; it isn’t necessary to talk about the bad times, but I do make sure I tell Cash and Emmie about all the good times with their father. All the things he did and said, how much he loved and cared for them. It’s important to me that they know how much they meant to him.

Every time I look at our daughter, I see him. Everytime Cash asks me where his daddy is, I have to stop myself from choking up. They are my life now, they are what makes it worth getting out of bed everyday and what keeps me going when some days I just really don’t want to. Everything I do, it’s for them. No matter what, I will always be grateful to Niall for giving me one of my greatest gifts; our children.

Pulling to a stop, I turned off the car and opened the door before hopping out. I made sure to lock the black Range behind me as I carefully began to walk across the bright green grass. The sun was shining down on me, so warm and comforting and I took it as a sign, letting a smile drape across my face. It was like he was watching me, looking down on me, with me…always.

Just like he promised he would be. Like he promised he’d always take care of me, me and both our babies. We were his entire life, his top priority and every time I looked into the sweet faces of our children, I could hear his voice in the back of my head, ‘I take care of me own.’

And that he did.

He really did.

I couldn’t do anything but cry, my heart completely shattered to pieces. The hospital called me a taxi to take me back to our house, the house that was ours, that I shared with him and he no longer would come home to. My head was clouded with sadness, loneliness and the feeling of uncertainty as I climbed into our bed, my little boy snuggled up against me and wanting to do nothing more than to just cry myself into a deep sleep and never wake up.

We did fall asleep, for a few hours at least, Cash tucked under my arms and both of us cuddled under the blankets, when I heard a soft knock at the door. It was late. Really late.

I sat up in the bed, a little befuddled from everything that had happened and rubbed at my eyes before glancing down to see a heavy sleeping little boy beside me. His puffy red cheeks were pressed into the pillow as his little lips parted slightly from his steady breaths. He had no idea his daddy was gone. No idea what any of this meant for us.

Neither did I really.

Hearing another small knock at the front door, I knitted my brows and eased myself out of the bed and out of our mess of a bedroom. The house was still pretty much in shambles, not having the strength to do anything but sob my pain away. I shuffled through the mess to my front door, pressing my hands against it as I leaned in. “W-ho is it?” I asked, my throat excruciatingly dry and making my already weakened voice crack.

“It’s, um…it’s me…Cian.”

Pulling my face in a little, I slowly opened the door and was met with the heavy brown eyes of Niall’s brown haired friend. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, face drooping low as he peered at me. We just stared at each other for a moment, the silence between us more than enough conversation. His eyes shifted as he cleared his throat, bringing a hand up to his mouth. “I, uh…I just wanted to say how sorry I am, Jules,” he began, not able to make eye contact with me. I swallowed hard, crossing my arms over my chest as I listened. “I know how much he loved ya.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, my bloodshot eyes rolling back a bit as I felt the tears begin to fill them again.

He shuffled nervously on his feet, his shoulders hanging forward as he lagged on the words that he seemed to feel he needed to say. “I…shite…” he mumbled, running a hand over his face. “I’m not good with words…” I rolled my lips in my mouth, pulling in a shaken breath as I stood in front of him. Reaching out to me, I was startled as he pulled me into a hug, my eyes pinching shut as it was the most familiar thing I had felt all day.

He stepped back and cleared his throat again and I peered down at my socked toes, reaching up with my fingers to tuck some hair behind my ear. “I was with him, Jules.”

Slowly raising my blue eyes to meet his, my mouth parted slightly as I tipped my head to the side. “What?”

“I…I was with Niall,” he repeated. “You know, when…when it happened.”

I gasped under my breath at his statement, my watery eyes flicking away from him as I blinked back my tears. “It…it happened so fast…” I heard his voice break a bit, clear emotion coming from him as he spoke. “I was the one who…took him to the hospital.”

My chin fell to my chest, my hand covering the front of my face as I tried to hold back my cries. “I wasn’t, um…I wasn’t sure when…fuck, even if I should come see ya, but he…”

I heard him sniffle back some tears, my stare rising to look up at him. I could see his jaw clenching, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. “He wanted me to tell you somethin’. He was barely hangin’ on but he made me promise I’d tell ya.”

My chin trembled as I darted eyes with him, my heart almost skipping a beat as my breaths began to quicken in my chest. “He said…he said somethin’ about forgettin’ to tell ya somethin’? I don’t know it was all so fast and…anyway,” he paused, sucking in a breath, “he said to tell ya ‘It’s Cash’s birthday’.”

I shook my head at him lightly, my brows knitting in confusion. “I really don’t know, Jules, I don’t know what that means…I’m sorry.”

“Did he s-say anything else?” I asked him softly.

I watched as Cian’s eyes filtered down my wrecked face, his lips pressing into a line. “He said to tell ya he loved ya. And that, um…he was sorry. Sorry for leavin’ ya.”

My eyes squeezed shut, my shaky lips pressing tight together as I nodded my head, the hot tears slipping down over my cheeks. “I’m, um, I’m gonna go now. I just…he wanted me to tell ya so…”

“Okay,” I muttered out between small cries, “Thank y-you.” I slipped my hand from the cross of my arms and grabbed at the door handle, flicking my eyes up to watch as he walked away, his head hanging down. Closing the door, I burst out a few more cries, my mind trying to wrap around what Cian had told me and what the hell Niall was talking about. It made no sense.

Quietly walking back to the bedroom, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand as I carefully pulled up the covers so I could slide back in the bed with Cash. Drawing in a stable breath as I eased my pregnant body down into the bed, my eyes shot over to Niall’s closet, something struggling to click in my head as I caught sight of the safe.

Cash’s birthday.

The safe.

Cash’s birthday is the code to the safe.

Glancing down at Cash, still sound asleep, I eased myself back out of the bed with a huff and walked over to the safe. As long as we had been together, I still didn’t know everything that was in there. It was a secret. A secret that I was about to find out.

Kneeling down in front of it, I put the code into the number lock, my fingers shaking as the door clicked open and I took in a deep breath, letting my eyes fall closed. I had no idea what I was going to find in there. A gun, some money for sure, but everything else was a complete mystery to me. And I was more than frightened.

‘It’s all in the safe, Jules.’ His voice rang out in my head.

Licking at my lips, I slowly peeked open my eyes, my one hand gripped so tight to the little handle on the safe, I thought the metal would cut through my skin. I let my eyes filter a bit over the contents, my head filling with even more confusion as I realized it was mostly just stacks of papers.

A gun, a couple bundles of money and….papers. I whipped my head around to look at Cash over my shoulder as he shifted in the bed, checking to make sure that sweet little boy was still asleep before focusing my attention back to the safe. Carefully reaching inside, I pulled out the gun, setting it down by my bent knees on the floor in front of me. I swallowed hard, grabbing the three huge stacks of bundled money that I saw. Quickly flipping through it, I shook my head at myself as I figured it had to be at least €10,000 right there in my hands.

Setting down the money, I reached back in and gently grabbed a folder and pulled it out. I knit my brows as I held it in my hands, slowly opening it and resting it on the round of my belly as I began to read through the small stack of papers that filled it. My heart began to race, my stomach fluttering and filling with shock as my breath caught in my throat. Eyes wide, I clamped a hand over my mouth, holding in the tiny sounds that were escaping from my mouth.

It was all here. Everything.

All in my name.

He had bought us a house in Mullingar, an estate in the countryside and registered it under my name. Shakily flipping the paper over, I let out a gasp as I quickly read over the next statement, my eyes undoubtedly glazing over. A bank account registered in my name with the balance reading well over €22 million. He had opened me an account and transferred his entire savings into it. I pinched my eyes shut, the tears once again beginning to fill them. Oh my fucking God, Niall. I had no idea.

Peeling them back open, my fingers shook as they turned over the papers that laid in this folder, one by one as the tears just fell down my face, this time the feelings different than anything else I had been feeling all day. They were tears of happiness, of amazement, of pure relief.

Coming to the last few papers in the folder, I felt a warmness overtake my body, the color seeping back to my dreary skin as my stare scanned over the document. He was mine. All mine.

I flicked my blurry stare back over to Cash on the bed. Niall had signed all rights over to me. I was now Cash’s sole and legal guardian.

Cash was my son.

Tossing the folder to the floor, the papers spilled out as I dropped my face in my hands, my back heaving as I cried, the tears wetting the front of my t-shirt. I was able to settle myself a few moments later and wiped at my cheeks with my fingers before looking back into the safe, yanking out the last few papers that remained.

Glancing over them, I became confused again when I read that Niall had signed a huge storage facility that was somewhere right outside of Dublin over to me. I had no idea what this was, or what was even in it, but at this point almost nothing could surprise me.

Collecting everything from the floor, I put it all back in the safe, exactly how he had it and closed it up. I sat there on the floor for awhile, my eyes glued to the safe as I contemplated everything that had happened to me in the last 24 hours, how drastically my life had changed.

I had gone from happily married to the love of my life to a widowed single mother of two. Just like that. In an instant he was gone. Ripped from me forever.

But he kept his promise.

He said he’d always take care of me. And he did. Even now that he was gone, he was still taking care of me.

“Oh my God, Niall,” I breathed out.

A life with Niall could be intensely heart wrenching, tumultuous and frightening. But a life without him was nothing. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone before. More than I had been willing to admit for the longest time. He changed me, he showed me things I never knew existed.

I spent my whole life wondering if what I had been dealt was it for me, if that was all I ever deserved. But he let me know that I was worth so much more. I was worth love and affection and happiness. And I like to think I showed him the same. From the moment I met Niall, I knew he was special, I knew he was going to change my life. I just didn’t realize how until that day.

I always think about the circumstances around how everything ended. The way he spoke to me and touched me as I was huddled in that closet with his son. The way he looked at me before he walked out that door, my voice calling after him. Did he know something bad was going to happen to him? Was he expecting it? Or was it all just precautionary for him to make sure that me and the children were taken care of? I didn’t know, and frankly, worrying about trivial things like that just seems to make me more upset.

Because after it’s all said and done, he was right. He was always right. He swore he would always protect me, and he did. He risked his life to save me and our children. He swore he would always look after me, and he did. He swore he would always be there for me.

And in his own way, he is.

I swear, I can still feel him sometimes. When I’m awake lying in bed at night all alone. I can feel the heat of him curl up next to me, hear his laugh rumble in my ear, his rough but tender touch on my skin. It’s like it’s forever engrained in my being and I just miss it so much. I miss him so much. The way he loved me, so honest and pure, I know I will never find that again. But, to be fair, I don’t want to.

Niall was my husband, my only love, my soulmate. He was my everything, the same way I was to him.

Bending down in front of the tombstone that was marked with his name, I let a half smile spread across my lips as my eyes dragged over the etched words that were carved deep into the marble. Wiping away at a lone tear that slipped its way down my cheek, I pulled a small picture from my pocket and glanced down at it, smiling lightly before reaching over and placing it at the bottom of the gravestone with all the others. I stood back up, my eyes fluttering closed for a moment and my lungs expanding as I breathed in the fresh air that surrounded me and just let myself give into that safe and familiar feeling of his presence right next to me.

I loved that feeling.

Slowly opening my eyes to the bright of the day, I gently brought my fingers up to my mouth, placing a kiss to the tips of them before reaching out and touching the top of the tombstone. “I will always love you,” I said aloud, sucking in a breath and slipping my sunglasses back on my face. Slowly turning around, I shuffled my way back to the car. I drove in silence with the warm breeze blowing through my hair, making my way to my next stop for the day. I have gotten used to this routine, something I do a few times a week and have for the past ten months. I knew what needed to get done and I knew what I had to do.

Pulling up to the next location, I parked the car and leaned my body over, reaching up to the mirror. I flipped it down and caught the small brass keys in my hand as they fell, popping the mirror back up and reaching down to open the glove compartment. Grabbing the engraved handgun, I leaned forward a bit and tucked it down inside the waistband of my pants before slipping on a small blazer to help keep it concealed. I smoothed down my windblown hair with my palms just a bit and stepped out of my car, slamming the door shut and walking straight towards a large seemingly vacant storage facility.

I was met by two men standing outside a tall locked metal gate, both of them acknowledging me with a head nod as I took out my brass keys and proceeded to open the heavy gate. Tucking them down into my pocket, I walked through and made my way to another door that led into the large warehouse looking building. I followed the span of a long corridor and came to a stop right in front of another metal door before easily turning the knob to let myself in.

Stopping right inside the doorframe, all eyes fell to me as I glanced around the huge open space, a few dozen men bustling around to get their work done. Turning to smile at Cian, who was now standing to my right, he gave me a polite smile in return. “Mornin’ Boss,” he declared, giving me a nod.

“Good Morning.”

They say when someone you love dies, a piece of you goes with them. But in my case, all of me went with Niall. My heart, my soul, every shred of my being. It was buried in that cold ground with him.

But I’ve learned to cope with that loss and heartache. I’ve learned to live. I’m here. I’m alive and I have our children to raise. I have a life to live because of Niall. He loved me unconditionally, fully and without regret. He showed me that I was meant for love, I was meant for greatness beyond anything I could have imagined. He made me who I am. He taught me things, taught me how to survive. He made me stronger, more willing. He made me smarter and powerful, more independent. He made me see things inside myself that for so long people were forcing me to hide. He made me feel safe more than I ever had in my life. He was my Alabama field.

Every single day I miss him, every single day I think about him. Every single day my love for him grows even more. I sometimes think back and wonder if Niall had underestimated me a bit in our time together, in the way that maybe he didn’t even realize what he was doing for me, but then I think maybe…just maybe this was his plan all along.

That deep down, he knew from that day we met in that pub what I was capable of, he knew underneath my naive and vulnerable exterior, that I was so much more. That I was ready for so much more. That I could handle so much more.

I mean, someone had to take over the family business…right?

#niall #niall horan #niall au #niall fic #niall fanfic #ain #reposting #chapter 20 #THE END #I CANNOT BELIEVE #ugh this storyyyy #i really hope you guys have enjoyed reading it #whether it be the first time or the 10th time hahahh #it means a lot :))#this story is one that sticks with you #i hope you guys love it

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