#ugh the way id let him objectify me

[menacetosocietyy]

I would like to fuck smooch this man

[themiddlelayer]

Anniversary... ugh

Today is my 7th wedding anniversary with MM. I got the legal separation agreement notarized on his birthday, which was the day he officially proposed. That was 6 days ago. It doesn’t have as much weight as it did last year when we were still under the same roof, but between those “memories” and a recent experience with an ex from a decade ago popping up, I’m really feeling like I need to get off of Facebook. I know I won’t do it, but I know I should. 

I took the morning off yesterday to submit my passport application. It turns out that Cuba is a 90 day hold, so there is a definitive timeframe to look forward to after all. I was sitting in the County Clerk’s office when I saw a friend request from... let’s call him, LEO. My heart skipped a beat. I had a hot flash. All kinds of feels that took a minute to push past in order to get through the morning. 

I came home and spent the morning getting the house back in proper order after about a week of just letting things go. I had the Super Lunar Boobs and all the crazy that comes with it for awhile there and my medicated fudge was the best remedy. Lots of time melted into the couch Netflixing was had. 

Towards the end of the day, LEO sent me a “wave” and we started chatting shortly after that.. kind of. He started with "Can I just say I missed you so much!! I thought about you often!! So what going on in your life?married single divorced”

After my update that ended with me saying that I’m living with my boyfriend things devolved quickly. 

Seriously.... what the actual fuck, dude!?! We dated in middle school and then 10 years ago he popped up again telling me that his mom had forced him to break up with me then because she said I wasn’t good enough for him. (In fairness, my father was the local drug dealer so... yeah...) But that I was his first love and he really regretted breaking up with me.

When we re-connected, he was married but said he was miserable and that the only thing keeping him there was his dear Aunt Rosy. Not a week later he called me and told me that Aunt Rosy had died. Seriously. A few weeks later, I ran away for a weekend with him and came home with a ring and the promise that he was going to leave his wife and move down to Texas to be with me. 

After a few months of his phone calls on the way into SWAT calls where he would tell me how much he loved me and that he hoped to survive the call so he could come be with me, I broke down and ended it. Hurt like hell, but I knew better. I have friends still in our hometown who verified that he’s been working with the Sheriff’s Department for years so it wasn’t all total bullshit. But seriously?!?

 It brought up all of my feelings of being objectified and turned into some big fantasy of ‘the one who got away’ AGAIN. He’s not the first guy from back home to say things like that to me. But he was the only one I actually got involved with as an adult... and fell for hard, which lead to a big heartbreak. He’s still ridiculously hot and is all about his sobriety these days which is why the initial pitter patters, but after that “conversation” I was further reminded of how great my life is with Tampa. 

If only we could both get into jobs we don’t hate, things would be golden. I’m only working a half day today because I need to go get my ID renewed this afternoon and I have actual work I should be doing. But of course I’m not. I got a good start on things, but I simply can’t make myself get into the right headspace to do the work. It feels like true executive dysfunction. I need to do it. I want to do it. I simply can’t. 

On a better note, we finally put the new mattress on the bed last night. Rather than paying the homeowners $100 for the shitty one that had a huge dent in it on Tampa’s side, I spent about $225 for a new one on Amazon. It’s way more comfortable. Now to start looking for a new frame since we’ve all but killed the cheap-o one that Tampa got when I first moved in. I have a few more small household things I need to pick up so I’ve got a brunch and shopping date planned with Cookie tomorrow. 

I still feel stuck. My weight is up, but holding right at 170lbs. I know that the medicinal fudge is helping my stress levels and pain, but even the little munchies are adding up and my pants are tight. Tampa’s back pain has all but disappeared since we started consuming but his weight is up, too. I know this is part of the ‘honeymoon phase’ of life but I know we’re past all the NRE and need to get our shit together. 

Counting the minutes until I can log out for the day and get this appointment over with. The weekend needs to start NOW! 

[combustitties]

I wanna ask all 👀

1. First sex experience?

i was like.. less than ten and my friend asked me to touch his ding dong

2. Celebrity threesum?

oh god idk kjdfgxjch

3. Would you ever have a devils threesum?

urban dictionary says this is legit just a threesome w two other guys so uh Yeah I Guess. why does that get a fancy name.

4. Ever been rimmed?

nah. idrk if i’d like it either jkgdfjkhnb

5. Would you ever rim someone?

??? maybe

6. Weirdest sexual experience?

my friends and i stole her mom’s vibrator and used a bunch of lotion in a plastic cup as lube and masturbated together. wild.

7. Weirdest solo sexual experience?

i was jackin it in the shower once and i think i mightve squirted but i dunno bc SHOWER it felt like a water balloon popping in my vagooter

8. Every have a one night stand?

nope

9. Thought on r*pe play?

hmmmmmmmmm,,,, i dunno like so long as it’s between consenting adults who cares but for myself i dunno if i’d like it?? like. the loss of control and consensual non-con w safewords sounds chill but i dunno like actual roleplay would b. unpredictable.

10. As a guy, what do think is a female’s idea penis?

11. What’s your ideal penis?

my boo’s tf

12. Ever have sex in public?

technically i blew a friend in middle school on a creek trail thing.

13. Describe a sex fantasy that you want to try in detail.

wow i’ve suddenly forgotten everything ive ever thought

14. Do you consider your genitals attractive?

nahhhh

15. What bra size do you find yourself most attracted to?

i don’t think i have a preference

16. Favorite sex position?

shrug emoji haven’t had enuf to develop a preference

17. Least favorite sex positions?

^

18. What makes sex ‘bad’ to you?

if no one’s enjoying themselves

19. Ever have sex with someone loud?

i’m sure he could get louder 👀

20. Have you ever thought a partner faked an orgasam?

i?? don’t think so???? god i hope not??

21. Have you ever faked an orgasam?

nope

22. Thoughts on accidental anal?

how do u accidentally stick it in the butt

23. Have you ever had sex with food?

technically i tried to use a hot dog in a condom as a dildo when i was. uh. young and stupid.

24. For giving oral to a female, you prefer them to ride your face, or them laying down (or other)

ive never done lol idk

25. Weirdest thing someone’s ever said to you during sex?

???????????? nothing comes to mind.

26. Ever prematurely cum?

pffft is there such a thing? all orgasms good orgasms. i wonder what the world record for fastest orgasm is. lmao lets beat it (HA accidental pun.)

27. Do you prefer you or your partner to cum first?

my partner ndfgkjdfnh

28. Ever have a kink a partner thought was weird?

? i? don’t know????? 👀👀😫😫

29. Thoughts on drunk sex, or sex where your sober and your partner semiconscious?

i can’t stand being sober around not-sobers bc issues but if consent was given for those circumstances prior and we’re both fukt up then um yes pls

30. If your partner made you a sex toy from their genitals would you be creeped out or…?

gimme gimme gimme

31. Ever have a safe word, if so, what was it?

i never used it with anyone but, hyacinth. i like the traffic light system more tho.

32. Thoughts on partner sharing?

gut reaction is grr but w plenty of communication and negotiation and talking i don’t think i’d have a real problem w it. i don’t think i’d want another partner tho.

33. Weirdest sex story you’ve heard?

oh god idk

34. What gives you the most confidence during sex?

being not sober and the lights being off or v dim

35. What feels better for you sex or oral sex?

sex :o

36. Do you like sloppy blowjobs?

giving them hella

37. Which feels better blowjob or blowjob and hands?

38. Most viewed porn categories?

rough, and sex machines.

39. Thoughts on knife play?

hnnnnnn sharp shiney good. idk about the actual cutting tho i’m recovered from s.h kjdfgkdljf

40. Can you be intimate if your pet is in the room?

yea so long as he’s not up in my grill

41. I’d you ever had the chance for a threesum with twins would you do it?

...probably not?

42. Are you ok with your partner owning sex toys?b

?? tf yes

43. Are you ok with your partner using toys to finish after sex?

hella. no bad feels just whatever works ^_^

44. Are you ok with your partner mastubating. (Instead of going to you for help)

duh tf i don’t own them

45. Are you a fan of cuddles after sex?

YES

46. Do you care how many sexual partners your partner had?

no????

47. If you had the chance to join an orgy, would you?

...not sober

48. What’s your thoughts about watching porn with a partner?

hmmmmm. nice.

49. Are you ok with your partner watching porn to get off? (Instead of going to you?)

again, yes, wtff

50. As a guy, do you consider your girlfriend kissing other girls as cheating?

51. If you and your partner broke up for a week but got back together how would you react finding out they had sex during that time?

i mean. i dunno. if we were legit broken up with no intention of getting back together then whatever.

52. Are you ok with your partner posting nudes online?

yes what is up w these possessive ass questions

53. Has anyone ever said the wrong name during sex with you?

not that ive noticed dkfjgvdfjkhn

54. Ever had sex to just get it out of the way?

no???? wtf was this written by a Straight

55. Have you ever had sex in your parents bed?

NO GJKFGH

56. Favorite place to cum?

anywhere anytime lol

57. Do you prefer your partner to a Bush or shaved? (Which do you find more aesthetically pleasing)

whatever they want lol idc

58. How old were you when you first bought condoms?

my mom bought me some when i was like 12 it was mortifying. i still have yet to purchase them myself. WAIT NO YES I DID i was like 13 and it was for a friend bc she was too embarrassed.

59. Have you ever tried flavored condoms?

i haven’t but i wanna yummm lollipop without the cals

60. Would you ever let a stranger watch you and your partner have sex?.

uhhhhhh. not unless we were being paid

61. What’s the worst thing that’s aroused you?

i used to be really fucking embarrassed about my daddy kink

62. Would you ever have sex with a guy who had a spliced dick?

wh. okay i have to google this.

UM. OKAY. I GUESS?? WH.

63. Would you ever have sex with someone with genital piercings?

sure why not

64. Thoughts on sleep sex?

GOD yes. esp on the receiving end but all around a+

65. How easily do you get aroused?

aroused in general p easily ig? but im ace so idk i don’t ever feel like i NEEED it

66. Explain the time you got aroused at the worst time?

any time in public bc i blush too easily

67. Have you ever received oral from someone with a tongue piercing, did it feel any different?

i has not

68. Have you ever accidentally hurt your partner during intimacy, how? And did you continue after?

i? think i totally kneed him at least once. but ya

69. Ever 69 :p

not YET

70. Would you ever give someone oral underwater?

YES pool sex or hot tub sex is a kink of mine ever since i got off with a hot tub jet. and breath play. so like hella. i have a sensory issue with water on my eyelids tho and i don’t think goggles are all that sexy sooo njdfgjkfhn

71. Would you ever have sex on the beach?

idk maybe. that’s a lot of sand to keep track of.

72. Do you prefer your own touch or a partners?

not my own ksjdnfjkgh

73. Why do men slap their penis on their partner? Does it feel good???

i dunno WHY but it feels somewhat objectifying in a good way to ME so likeee

74. For mastubating do you use lube?

nah

75. Is there some place you don’t like being touched during intimacy?

my sides feel hurt really easily like even if u poke it it HURTS i think it’s a medical thing but ive never brought it up at the drs. and my ears. that’s weird.

76. Do you prefer your partner to knead you head or pull your hair?

uh both? both yes? both good

77. Has a condom ever fallen off during sex?

lowkey sjkdfhnzskjghfh

78. Have you ever lost arousal during intimacy, did you keep going?

no??? like im generally always turned on gettin it on n it’s a gr8 time but my meds just fuck with my ability to actively get off UGH

79. Have you ever gotten cum in your eye?

no *knocks on wood*

80. Weirdest compliment you’ve gotten?

ive had people compliment my feet and that’s not my kink so i think it’s kinda weird.