#ugh i feel like crap
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I huave covid
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I can't believe covid got me again. I work from home, so I don't even go anywhere except on the weekends.
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Inktober, October 21, 2024
“Rhinoceros”
I’m tired 😅 have some nostalgia. Rocksteady (most likely on his way to get beat up by some Ninja Turtles).
Pen on watercolor paper.
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first time this semester that i think "i don't want to go to class"
#i was doing so weeeell#ugh#here's what i'll do. i'll take the bus. then the metro.#and once i'm there i'll see how i feel. and if i still feel like this about going to class i'll just go hide in my usual coffee place#i really want to see the others. at least to say hi.#yes yes i'll see them tomorrow anyway but i fear that if i don't get some human connection today i'll feel like crap until this evening#and i really need to start doing *anything*.
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the lack of respect for the httyd books pisses me off ugh
#if y’all like the movies more power to you! i mean no I’ll will towards you! this is just how i feel! and it is wildly unpopular!#they were first!!!#the movies capitalized off cressida cowell’s creation!!! and then changed everything but the title and some names!!!#i’m sorry but when i search ‘httyd books’ and pretty much all that shows up is movie crap like…#don’t specifically tag the books unless it’s bookverse!!! nothing is the same!!!#and i Hate movie toothless i’m sorry they changed his entire character aND APECIES BTW#cressida names and creates so many different dragons and the movies really went ‘tehe let’s make up Our Own’#and now everyone thinks toothless is a night fury or whatever the hell and UGH#it just makes me so so so mad#i’m sorry ik so many people like them but as i reread the books now i can’t help but feel so angry at the movies#and the ppl who created them#like…. ppl like them more bc they’re pretty which is everything the book isn’t#EHICH IS THE POINT#they’re vikings!!! they aren’t clean! they’re dirty and their societal definition of attractive is Not what our world’s is!!!#creasida’s art gets dismissed So Quickly bc it isn’t perfect or whatever but it has more heart than every movie put together#the book art reminds me a lot of the m.p100 art whefe ppl crap it bc it’s a lil messy and it doesn’t fit conventional art beauty standards#but it conveys so much emotion!!! and then ppl tell me the books are too childish well#1. clearly you haven’t read past like book three or four and 2. wHAT ARE THE MOVIES THEN??? ARE TBEY NOT??? THEY’RECHILDREN MOVIES TOO!!!#ugh sorry guys the disrespect by the movies and fandom makes me angry these books are so important to me and ppl are so quick to dismiss em#you don’t have to read them or even like them but you can’t really be a true fan of the movies if you don’t acknowledge and appreciate thei#origins and that’s what people don’t do. they ignore the existence of the books and UGH the books are so deep and meaningful…#okay it’s one am i’ll stop now it just makes me upset you know#corey talks:)
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is the suicidality because of my period or is it my inability to be happy or am I just being dramatic
#see this is the problem like fine okay ill deal with the blood all over my bathroom okay whatever#but oh my fucking god itd be awesome if i could tell if what i am feeling was real and not fucking. hormone imbalances or some crap#ugh okay i have enough identity crisises and imposter syndrome and a complete lack of an ability to tell if the things happening around me#are real or not#dont put this on me too ffs!!!#sleepys postings
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I usually try not to get too negative on my blog, but I have to say that one thing that I'm worried about with AI art is the possible accusations that could be placed on people with certain artstyles (surrealism, hyperrealism, etc.) that are more prone to the "uncanny valley" effect, or even just artists who are in that midway point where most of a piece looks great but there's a few things that are anatomically questionable.
I think it's fine for people to have suspicions, but I'm worried that people will come to expect things such as progress videos or shots as a given, and that this will intimidate young or new artists, making them feel incredibly pressured to provide things that they shouldn't have to. And, speaking from experience, pressure does not do good things to the creative mind.
I'm worried that people will start seeing inconsistencies or awkward anatomy and immediately react with accusations of AI. It's happening on other platforms, and probably also on Tumblr, and as much as I dislike AI, I think that people need to learn to slow down and really look at something before making that accusation.
What good will stamping out AI with vigor do if innocent artists get caught in the crossfire and stop creating out of fear? What good will it do if the next generation of artists is too scared to share and inspire each other?
Genuinely, I would personally rather deal with AI images existing while still being able to freely share my actual works than I would deal with tiptoeing around very real people who would dismiss my hours of work (and musculoskeletal pain) as worthless and not real. Let artists still be free for goodness' sake.
I can be more thoroughly worded later if anyone asks, and this will probably be sorely misinterpreted, but I just need to get this out and I'm tired.
TLDR: It's fine to be against AI-generated images, but please check yourself and be careful who you accuse of using such technology before you get someone innocent caught up in it. AI-generated art isn't great, and neither is putting down someone's hard work as fake.
#egginfroggintalkin#negative#ai art rant#I live in mild dread that somebody will just blue-shell me with the ai accusation someday#look man my anatomy isn't exactly great all the time and goodness knows that rendering is a pain in the neck#uncanny stuff happens sometimes#but I think that uncanniness can be purposeful and it SHOULD be purposeful in its own right if that's your style#ai usually has this... vibe... about it#it's USUALLY distinct#but not always#and I get that!#but that just makes it even more important to be careful before really committing to that accusation or question!#because it IS hard to tell sometimes!#and no I don't think it's reasonable to expect a whole speedpaint or whatever#I hear that happening sometimes#usually on tiktok I'm pretty sure#which granted is not tumblr but still#it's a whole other thing that takes up a crap ton of drive space#like ughhhhhhhhhhh#I am trying! we artists are trying!!! aaagh!!#anyway. yeh. just. venting I guess.#please feel free to ask for clarification if anything is vague or you want to talk about this#I don't bite I just complain eloquently so go right ahead#ugh
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Just doing some PureLily & ShadowOrchid headcanons right now (Featuring their kids Lily Of The Valley & Rose Milk)
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I found out that someone who was pretty mean to me in secondary school is now an actress
#really hope I don’t have to see her in anything and have to be reminded of her crap#she was so antagonistic to me for no reason like as soon as I met her#always being passive aggressive and just tying to embarrass me and make me feel less#I even tried to be nice to her despite that when we got partnered up in class#the last time I saw her was prom and it felt kind of good because she looked mad that I looked decent so that was a plus#but…ugh please don’t ever star in a show or movie I’m interested in#personal#yh I feel a little shitty
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its fucking time baybee
Alright. Alright. FUck. Oh my fuck. I have time now to sit down and process fionna and cake. god fuck. holy shit.whta the fuck , ive been so busy and ive finally caught up and. god what the shit
FUCK
DAMN IT ALL GOD FUCKIGN FGUIGT5BFEWIGTRFTHY
god fucking damnit i KNEW it was going to tear my HEART out we're not even FINISHED YET THE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK
uuuguhuhuhuhuhuhuh i need to be coherent. ok. ok.
I planned initially to talk about the episodes individually but fuck that,
So Simon is very suicidal. like. oh god I know we saw it in the original series but here it's on another level. He doesn't *just* want to die. He wants to put himself through an experience he considers WORSE than death for the rest of eternity. like. hell man. hes not ok
and like. i've mentioned it before but simon's just so. nice, yknow? He's kind. he's good. You can see he wants to be a good person and that part of him is like, slowly being drawn out again. He's so damaged and stuck in the past that he ends up hurting people around him. he made a little girl cry. He tried to talk about it with marcy, we know he's not okay with his behavior. and then with the candy queen, he's sees that she's nuts and he is immediately talking about helping her. He's trying to give her the kindness and help that he was denied for so long.
(and it makes me think about Ice King, right? Like, remind me, has anyone, and I mean ANYONE, ever approached IK and genuinely, earnestly asked IK for real help? If a little kid asked IK to please save them, would simon's kindness shine through? would Ice King help?)
And i'm genuinely nervous about what's to come. I imagine at some point it's going to hit F+C that the crown and Simon do NOT mix. And it's going to probably be a rude wakeup call. but what about after that?
Like. we didn't see Simon in the afterlife. We've all been theorizing about that for a bit but since we know for a FACT that simon is aging, then I imagine something is going to happen to him that keeps him from the deadworlds. and i'm putting a lot of trust into the show because it's really good so far so if something strange and cosmic DOES happen to simon, i have faith it will be good.
but like!!!! i kinda don't........ want that?? I want him to live in his OWN reality and make peace there, so he doesn't get separated from marcy. (The Simon and Marcy relationship is pretty much one of my favorite, if not the favorite, thing i love about AT. If something does happen to simon, I want him to have some way to stay connected to marceline.) And I want him to still be friends with Finn and I want him to make it up to that little girl he hurt. Im nervous he'll end up leaving and while we might get some of that, will everything get resolved in a satisfying way???
probably (hopefully) i'm being paranoid. This show is great so far. I think it can handle simon for a while longer. and i think if something weird does happen to simon, i can enjoy it.
i got more thoughts, but this post will do for now
#at spoilers#spoilers#at#adventure time#fionna and cake series#at fiona and cake#adventure time fionna and cake#ugh#the theme song drives me nuts (in a good way)#and the fionna characterization!!! i never thought i would love it this much but its so good#the characters swearing feels.... so natural to me somehow#like yeah. of course they say ass and crap and damn. thats what they do#now say fuck do it say fuck#they can botch the entire series and i'll only allow it if they make simon say fuck#the humanized genderswap brainworld is awesome too#bro simon got boys in his brain being fruity and god fucking damn that's hilarious#the yuri king contains yaoi#also all the murders. like fuck#i really want farmworld finn to be alive but errrrrr im not holding much hope for him. rip#brian david gilbert fucking jumpscared me#why is winter king so tall#like i said. i got more thoughts but they'll get their own posts
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And if! I'm suffering from writing burnout! What of it!
#i was realizing that it had been over a year since I first published my parent trap au#and how much has changed since then#including quite a bit of harassment received#which didn't effect me as a person or whatever but like#combine that with ssgn feeling like a bad and ugly breakup between me and the series it's just ugh#it feels like no one cares so why should i#i know i could write something else and i do have an original novel idea#but it's so heavily based on spy school because it was me trying to take the elements I liked while removing the crap#but now I'm not mad I'm just tired and i don't wanna try
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// vent
#i just feel like crap#i didnt sleep enough and when i had the chance to sleep morw i DIDNT and now im just tired and sad#and im so ugh.#i just want to be happy but i keep overthinking and feeling guilty and bad about evwry little thing and idk why and i rhink my pwriod#is probably soon r soemthing but im just tired of this
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The humidity is low enough that I am. Very much so ok with the heat. (I mean… not really but also. Yes).
It shouldn’t be 80 in February, but also!!! I can enjoy the warmth without the awful humidity making me feel like crap!!
#very much so#need to go somewhere where there isn’t a crap ton of humidity. and nice weather.#I feel like Arizona and Colorado would be very good weather wise. but also the summer.#ugh.#I feel like I’m most tempted by Arizona though……. mostly just. I don’t want to live California but I do but it’s so expensive but it’s#probably exactly what I want. and it’s so….. ugh.#I wanna move sooooo badly.#how do you work on moving guys. I need a good paying job I have to quite daydreaming about being a best selling author and just….. actually#do something about my situation
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*gritting my teeth, covered in blood after spending another half an hour on yet another evil locus problem* babe you make it so hard to love you
#the fact that after all this time i still dont have a tag for hating on math#my only math tag is still and always will be#math my beloved 💖#but it's on such thin fucking ice right now#top ten things high school me would never believe i said: i like physics more than math now no question#physics fucks with my head and makes me cry sometimes yes but we always have that fire thing going#with math right now. it honestly just feels like lesbian bed death#math doesn't make me cry it just makes me depressed and frustrated these days#liveblogging.pdf#ugh wifey get your crap together#or i might legitimately break up with you for physics
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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