#ugh feelings

[poetry-grounded]

She was a piece of the divine here on earth and you don't meet someone like that twice in a lifetime.

[tiny-breadcrumbs]

I've been thinking about this lately...

[wonderb0n]

the thing with dissociative amnesia (a trauma response in which the brain decides to forget everything it has experienced in order to survive) is that it has no filter when choosing which memories to erase and which memories to keep.

meaning that we don't only forget about the things that have harmed us, but also about those fleeting moment of happiness in between all the suffering (as long as they occurred within the same period of time in which we experienced the trauma ofc)

as someone who has and keeps struggling with this phenomenon, I can't help but wonder how many beautiful and kind moments, although short, have been erased from Xie Lian's memory in his eagerness to forget all the anguish he experienced for so many years in order to continue each day .

those little fragments of hope when life relents and shows you why it's worth continuing. sometimes it's feeling the warmth of the sun on your face after a very cold day, watching the falling leaves in autumn in a sea of ​​crimson and trying to grab one without success, listening to the birds chirping on a lonely morning, a cat deciding to come sit beside you, or finding some coins that you once saved in your pockets. things that you pray to never forget because they showed you a much needed ounce of affection.

and even if at the end you still do, there will always be someone around who can help you remember.

but who is going to bring those memories back to Xie Lian? the people he may have experienced them with are long gone, and those moments lost forever in time.

[gloriousdreamerland]

I'm NEVER getting over "Hits Different", this song is literally my alarm and i still LOVE it UGH

[magpie-to-the-morning]

I have some lovely asks and tags to respond to, thank you friends! Please be patient with me while I convince the nagging anxiety voice in my head that I’m going to Answer Them Wrong and Fail at Internet Friends to hush.

[so-pretty-in-my-pain]

I don't like missing you.

I'm annoyingly attached. Fuck.

[glbtrx]

Leave me alone man all I need is some stranger online to boldly flirt with me even though I'm aroace not interested and incapable to flirt back

[kevindavidday]

anyway i love that 'meri jaan' is a term of endearment in south asian languages because that's literally someone calling you their life not the love of my life or my love or anything associated with love itself it's literally just my entire life all of it. that's you

[lets-all-calm-down-a-bit]

yes, there are the horrors, but there is always projecting your emotions onto your favorite character

[betty-bourgeoisie]

I do want to say, on the eve of the 10th anniversary of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, that as many problems as the Hetalia fandom has, I have always always experienced it as a safe place to be aro/ace.

It was always a place where aroace headcanons were excepted without question. A place where I could find representation in fics even if it wasn't always the best written.

At the hight of the ace discourse, at a time when I was a teenager getting actively harassed for my identity every time I logged into social media, the Hetalia fandom was one of the only online communities where I could reliably retreat and just have fun, and that is something I'm grateful for in ways you can't even imagine.

[poetry-grounded]

That dress. Sleeveless. Burgundy. My mind stuttered when I first saw you in it. My heart floundered and still hasn't recovered.

[love-and-books320]

forbidden love expept there is literally nothing stopping you from liking this person, you just don't want to>>>>>>

[godslayingenthusiast]

I am Extremely Normal about Andor, apologies in advance for the fandom post.

One of the things that really struck me with this one was how they used gender. Remember, those of us who grew up with the original trilogy, Leia wasn’t just the best girl, she was practically the only girl. We joked about it. You had Aunt Beru, the sisters at the Cantina, one woman at the Hoth base, a couple background women in Cloud City, Oola, the fat dancer, and Sy Snoodles. And Mon Mothma, the only other woman with a speaking part. And that’s it for three movies! The galaxy is overwhelmingly, distractingly, male. So I kept finding myself looking at Ferrix and Aldhani and Coruscant and just constantly being amazed at how many women there are. Foreground women, background women, an old woman! Hookers, antiques dealers, scrappers, organizers, a child! A surly teenage girl child! The governor’s wife! It’s right and correct and I’m glad they did it but also it was distracting because I’d been conditioned to expect so much less.

And then we get to prison.

Narkina 5 has 5,000 men, plus the 70 or so imperials guarding them and running the place. All men. All human men. It looks like, well, what we used to expect. And with that jarring transition you start to piece together more things. How Dedra fights tooth and nail to be one of only two women in that boardroom, how when she is not in the building they disregard her strong and correct opinions. How Cyril has the fucking audacity to grab her on the street. The empire has incredibly toxic views on gender, as well as human supremacy. And it’s reflected in who they choose for the important labor camps, instead of the mines (remember where we’re gonna find Jyn in just a couple years). It’s baked into everything.

But there’s more to pull back, because if it’s just the empire then why is the rebellion also overwhelmingly male by the time of the battle of Yavin? Yes, I know, 1977, but in universe we finally can start to see an answer forming. When we fight monsters, we come to reflect them, oftentimes without realizing it. Fascism uses people and discards them, fascism sells people on being heroes to extract their labor, and WE SEE LUTHEN DO IT TOO. He even says it out loud! “I use the tools of my enemies to defeat them”!!! There are key deaths that take women (and people of color) out of the fight before Yavin, but there is also the thread of becoming that which you hate, a toxic mirror. And I love that because of the way things play out, it shows that sometimes you gotta stare in the abyss anyway. Sometimes losing your humanity for the sake of someone else’s is worth it. And sometimes that damage has knock on effects for generations. And every one of those eggs you broke mattered.

Idk I gotta go do things but I’ve just been gnawing on this too long to keep it to myself. There’s so much to unpack with this show

[sharknosed]

me and the guy i accidentally seduced by being a hot mess and not realizing that either of us had feelings for the other … yeah

[reignofrayne]

“how are you feeling?”

something as simple as “i’m fine” is not enough to answer this question. “i’m not okay”, then? close but still not enough.

i can feel myself getting cold again.

you see, i felt so happy when i started to notice that i’ve finally healed my wounds; i was able to trust again. i was able to give affection to the people around me again. my heart was able to feel warmth again.

however, i was wrong – wounds don’t heal. you just get better at holding down the pain.

when the pain starts to seep into your heart, you’ll start to feel the cold again. it’s like a frost that envelops your entire being as it solidifies instantly.

sure, no one can penetrate your hard exterior just like before but you got so used to the warmth that the cold, the same cold that healed your wounds, no longer feels comfortable like it used to be. and finally, i’ve entered a dilemma: “should i heal with warmth or cold?” unfortunately, i am a creature of habit.

so sweetheart, how am i feeling, you ask? i can feel myself getting cold again.

(words on the photo written by me during one of my anxiety nights lmao)

[gobackimhaunted]

me and my favorite coworker got in a fight today and I’m just 🫤