#ugh but now i should start studying for my exam today…

[mvrdermeharder]

‼️‼️

Okay I love this a looot if i haven’t said it already (I have. And i will keep doing so lol)

First of all: it’s so interesting that the numbers hold such significant importance so early on in the manga. I think we all can (and should) clown on Kaneshiro abt how he handles some of the character development lately (looking at Isagi, if he doesn’t lose the current pxg game…) BUT

No one can deny how the details that are sewn into this manga (from this early on!) are incredible, and that there is a lot of thought put behind the visual elements which are all handled very delicately (Nomura is a fantastic artist, and the visual storytelling is always on point)

It makes so much sense to assume that Barou’s number is the embodiment of bllk’s first philosophy! As you’ve pointed it out, Ego uses 1 <- 0 in his silly little holograms, instead of 0 -> 1, and that is definitely on purpuse, love how you’ve noticed this!

Sidenote: omfg look who has the number 10 on team Z, fucking RAICHI lmaooooo

Maybe he really was supposed to be the one godly embodiment of turning zero into one w his sexy soccer. I’m sobbing, we were robbed😔

Ooh that’s so interesting how the translation varies from individual to individuality… I’ve successfully found a website w the og japanese scans, and here’s how it translates:

個性 [こせい] is the kanji that is used in the og manga, and it directly translates to individuality; personality; idiosyncrasy; character; individual characteristic

While 個人 [こじん] means individual; private person; personal; private

So yes! The spanish translation is the accurate one, you’re absolutely right to go with “individuality” as a standpoint for your analysis!!

Makes a lot of sense how strikers can develop it by:

Having it naturally, as a result of a mutation, being born with it = Geniuses

By learning: crafting a strong weapon + adjusting to the world of geniuses -> Kaiser’s goals becoming increasingly more difficult as he adapts

And I want to point out how KAISER is the one considered to be the perfect embodiment of the Blue Lock ideal by Ego!!

Not the geniuses, but Kaiser, who is just like Isagi.

And omg, i love the part abt Noa: how he really doesn’t settle with one individuality (aka being crowned as the world’s best) and is continuously creating and destroying others’ individuality instead!! Damn!

And it’s so interesting how he wants Kaiser to be the one to challenge and stimulate him (talented learner) and NOT Loki (fellow genius),, how he thinks Kaiser is the one who could push him to greater heights! Based on what Ego says abt the genius/talented learner theory, and the conclusions that Isagi came to in 282 it makes sense!

(Oooo talented learner Ego vs genius Noa, I NEED MORE OF THEIR ANGSTY BACKSTORY KANESHIRO)

And look omfg

Rebellion against God (Loki) incoming?? Foreshadowed???

Bc he’s so locked in on Loki after his outburst abt “shitty god”, it’s most likely he came to the same conclusion as Isagi in 282 abt needing a genius to stimulate each other to evolve

His eyes are dead set on him wow

Aaaaagh let him score PLEASE🙏🏼

Look at this panel of Ego from chapter 8

Now look at Barou's shirt number. He has a 10 but...

Reading it from right to left is 01! Just like in Ego's panel!! (Keep this in mind while reading now, please)

Now, for context, in chapter 7, team X (Barous team) had to play against team Z (Isagi's team), a match that Ego called as "The battle to rebuild football from zero".

Barou's and Isagi's team were a complete mess because they all wanted to score, which made them all start stealing the ball from their own teammates.

This messy state stops the moment Barou scores, turning the score from 0 to 1, rebuilding his team order, and taking control over the game.

Barou was the "1" of team X. Barou was the cornerstone of the team around which they'd developed their strategies to win against Isagi.

*

(Doesn't sound familiar? Kaiser has a 10 on his uniform, and BM had him as his cornerstone too. Noa practically trained them while having Kaiser in mind as the focal point of their strategies to scores goals 0.0)

Now, after that, Bachira and Isagi decide that if their going to lose (which happened at the end), they must at least score one goal. Isagi was going to be the one to score until Kunigami asked Isagi for the ball, and Isagi passed it to him, letting him have the opportunity to score instead.

Now let's take a look at Kunigami's dorsal number!

It's a 9! He scored a goal so... 9+1=10!

10! just like Barou's dorsal number! and remember the first panel I showed of Ego and the one of Barou! Read 10 from right to left -> 01. Kunigami became the "1" of team Z turning when he turned the score from 0 to 1!

Now... why is this "becoming the 1" so relevant in these chapters? Let's look at chap.6 title:

"1 = Individual"

In other official translations, like the Spanish one, instead of individual they translated it to "individuality" and I find it more correct than individual. Although both could work depending on the context so I'll use both.

(If anybody has the Japanese translation, please tell me or correct me. I don't know how to find them :'D)

Back to the meaning of the "1", if the title of chap.6 is stating a fact in Blue Lock's world (that 1 = individual/individuality) then characters that have a 10 as their dorsal number could mean or represent that those characters are the embodiment of individuality / their own individual.

I believe this is true because Isagi's lesson in these chapters was to be his own individual, to reject that initial idea he had of always passing the ball to his teammates instead of being him the one to score. To "embrace" his individual desire of scoring a goal and "have his moment."

Barou tells him that in his own way and Isagi also notices that he hadn't changed that habit yet:

The fact that Barou was the one who told him this was no coincidence!!

He's the "1" of the team, the cornerstone. The only footballer that embodies his own individual and this individuality is one of a king. His own teammates recognise him as such.

Isagi himself says that Barou doesn't start from zero like the rest. He's straight up the 1!

* (Look at the panels above. The ones with a red asterisk on top. In those panels, Isagi says that Barou was the "1" right away. Tumblr image limit doesn't let me put more images, sorry😔)

Now... What I'm trying to prove with all this is 2 things about the meaning of the number on their dorsals:

the number 10 has something to do with the concepts of individuality / individual (1 = individual / individuality). It could mean the character embodies his own concept of individuality or has a clear idea of themselves as an individual, like Barou in these first chapters* seeing himself as "The King".

*he later on gets his ideals crushed by Isagi but that doesn't take away the fact that he had a clear perception of his individuality before so i think the point still stands.

the number 9 could represent a character who's potentially going to develop a sense of individuality or that they're evolving their previous idea of individuality. Like I showed before with Kunigami, who had a 9 in his dorsal, and after scoring, he turned the 0 into a 1 for the team, making him become the "1" *

*it wasn't as relevant to the plot or for Kunigami's character because they lost the match but I think, and if my point is right, the author still gave him the opportunity to score for 2 possible reasons:

to establish this dynamic of individuality and on the process to achieve individuality and

as a trigger for Isagi's seach for his own individuality.*

My gosh, how many times have I written "individual" and "individuality" already😭

* BTW, I think Isagi is still struggling with this thing of finding his individual self on the field despite having grown a lot from chap.1 to current chapters, and I think chap.281 proves this:

* The difference now is that he's now competing against the best of the best players what I think is a correct path for him since he's been thinking that he's one of them for a long time now... and that's definitely not the case. He still needs a lot to learn (this gives me hopes because the author might give his character more depth, but maybe I'm delusional).

Now, back to what i was saying. To prove my point properly I'd have to look for every relevant character on the manga that has these numbers on their dorsals and argue how they are depictions of this dynamic (I could do it in multiple parts while I'm now rereading the manga but I'd take me time since I've got a long way until I reach current chapters.)

Also❕️

I mainly wrote this because I feel like it works with Kaiser and Noa's dynamic, or it could be related somehow (I'll make it relate, idc, this has gotten longer than i thought)

The reason I believe this it's because of these panels of them:

Noa has the number 9

Kaiser has the number 10

Noa states that he's constantly evolving, that the title of the best was not something he was looking forward to. This puts Noa in a constant state of potentially achieving a new sense of individuality... Like he's constantly creating and destroying every new individual he reaches.

The thing with Noa is that he does not care about him being perceived by the rest as an specific "individual", he doesn'tcare about titles.

The world gave him the title of Number 1 (of the "1" I've been yapping about this whole time) but he doesn't recognise it. He actually believes that the real threat is MBappe- Loki (AND LOKI DOES HAVE THE NUMBER 10 ON HIS DORSAL!!1!1!1)

Now my glorious blue eyed king Kaiser has always been the "1" of BM (and of my heart) but it was because of Noa's plan.

Now Kaiser has rejected Noa's plan, creating his new story, hence, creating his own individual / acknowledging his own individuality. Kaiser is turning the 0 to a 1, his "zero self" into a goal (however it was blocked by Loki, another individual just like Kaiser. They basically clash because they're both the "1" of their respective teams).

If I'm right, this could possibly mean that if BM wins this match, it will due to Kaiser's goal, making him be the "1" of his team and proving, through soccer to Noa, that he is his own individual.

.

.

.

Now, I think I'll leave it here because this is already long and I don't want it to be longer (I've also reached the image limit so I can't properly prove my points if I don't show the source of them, i feel like I'm lying lol)

This post was inspired by @mvrdermeharder (Hiiii, i hope im not bothering you by @ you here!) posts about the dorsal's numbers. I liked them lot so go check them too please! :)

❕️This post is only my take on this topic since I also think they have meaning, so this was just my interpretation❕️

If anyone has read this until the end let me just tell you that ily and let's be mutuals if we aren't yet🫶

Also @lorenzobbg you wanted me to @ so HELLOO I hope you enjoy this silly analysis if you read it<33

[blitzyn]

relax

alhaitham x m!reader

Request: well, since requests are open, perhaps I could request an alhaitham X male s/o where s/o has been really stressed lately with school and has been overworking himself. Because of this, alhaitham being the caring boyfriend he is comes to comfort and relax his beloved s/o with sex and aftercare. If possible, pls let alhaitham call his s/o a 'good boy' and just a praise kink in general, tysm!! 💕 — @ezraelo

a/n -> this mf reminds me of my dad so i kinda wrote what I think he'd say if i was in reader's situation tbh. NOT THE SEX THOUGH. anyways pgr fic first then hate sex w/childe next its been decades since I've done him (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠) sigh sometimes i forget i don’t have to write so damn much

wc -> 3.6k

cw -> soft alhaitham (heart eyes pt2), anal fingering, anal sex, praise, not beta read

merry christmas and happy holidays!!

To say you were tired was an understatement—you were exhausted. Stressed. Angry. It felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

First, you accidentally woke up late, was scolded by your teacher when you arrived and made the "perfect" example on what a scholar from the Akademiya should not be. Then you had to study for several hours for a few of your upcoming exams and evaluations—all while having to take some more tests the following week.

And as if that wasn't e-fucking-nough, you had done horribly on one of your essays so now you had to redo it for a better score, on top of needing to start yet another one regarding... Something. You forgot what the prompt was. Honestly, you forgot to do a lot of things. Like eat. Or drink water. Which was something that really didn't help to improve your mood.

You stumbled through the door trying to pry your uniform off, haphazardly tossing your hat to the side. You felt like shit and wanted nothing more than to flop on your bed and stay in there for the rest of your miserable life. But, like the universe was trying to give you the biggest middle finger ever, one of the loops on your clothes got caught on the corner of a counter. While you'd normally just take it off and go on your merry way, you weren't having it today and just yanked yourself forward, tearing the loop and the fabric it was connected to.

Finally making it to your room, you flopped on the bed face-first, muffling the loud groan that came from you. You stayed like that for a moment longer before turning your head, remembering to breathe deeply.

Two knocks came from the door. "You okay?" Your boyfriend, Alhaitham, asked, leaning against the frame as he stared at you.

"You're smart. Figure it out yourself," you muttered bitterly, wincing at the accusatory tone in your voice. You sighed, deciding to face him. "Sorry."

He shrugged, walking to sit on the edge of your shared bed. "What's wrong?" He questioned, his expression unchanging even when he watched your brows furrow in irritation.

"It's just... Ugh," you grumbled, rolling your eyes childishly. "Just a bad week. It feels like everything's going against me." You rolled onto your back, arms and legs sprawled out like a starfish. "I don't think I can catch up."

"You're in the Akademiya," Alhaitham said, giving you a look that made it seem like he didn't know why you were complaining. "Obviously it's going to be hard for you."

"'For you,'" you repeated, glaring at nothing in particular, but it was getting increasingly evident that you were beginning to direct your anger towards him. "Of course you don't get it. You've been smart your whole life."

He was quiet for a moment, letting you try to calm yourself before speaking again. "Don't sell yourself short like that. It's unhealthy."

You huffed. "It's not selling myself short if it's actually true." You pressed your palms against your eyes until you saw faint fireworks coloring the darkness. "I have to redo an essay because apparently it didn't go with damn prompt. Then I have to do another one, and I don't even know where to start, and—" you listed off your problems, your voice getting higher in pitch until you were on the verge of shedding tears, overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work you accidentally accumulated.

"Hey," he interrupted you, leaning to place a hand on your thigh. "Calm down." He gave you an unimpressed look when you snapped your mouth open to retort, watching you begrudgingly close it in defeat. "Breathe. You're getting worked up over things you can change."

But when you could hardly focus on utilizing the breathing techniques he taught you, he decided to take a different approach. "Let's have sex, then."

"What? Why? 'Cause of the post-nut clarity?" You sighed, rubbing your temple to stave off the impending headache after staring at him incredulously. Damn. Sometimes you forget how straightforward he could be.

Alhaitham gave you a look. It was deadpan—because when was it not?—but you could still sense the slightest bit of confusion. "If that's how you want to word it, yes," he said, before elaborating. "Sex can also help you relax and improve your immune system."

He quickly looked you up and down, and despite not saying anything, you knew what he was trying to imply. You looked like a mess.

"It can also help improve your quality of sleep," he added, crossing his arms against his chest. "It has a few other benefits than just feeling good, you know." He watched you ponder his suggestion, chewing on your lip absentmindedly before giving in with a sigh.

"Fine. But you're doing all the work," you said, propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him better.

"That was the plan." The corners of his lips quirked up in a brief, subtle smirk as he leaned to place his hands on your shoulders to gently push you back down. "Just relax."

He continued when you nodded, running his hands along your body, gently caressing every curve and contour of your frame. An eyebrow raised in question when he felt the torn patch in your clothes but decided against mentioning it as he guided you out of your suffocating uniform with practiced ease. Already, you seemed a bit calmer than earlier, giving yourself a well-deserved stretch that made you remind him of a cat.

You felt the tension beginning to seep out of your body with every article of clothing that was carelessly tossed to the floor, reaching your hands out to tug him closer. He obliged without hesitation, sighing in satisfaction when he melded his lips with yours. His hands slid below your underclothes, snaking them upwards until they found your chest. He tweaked and pinched your nipples as he moved his way downwards, placing kisses along your jawline and neck.

You softly moaned, brushing your fingers through his hair that had him leaning into your hand. He removed your shirt, trailing appreciative kisses down your sternum. A hand made its way down your front toward your pants, slipping a hand inside to wrap his fingers around your flaccid dick. Your breath hitched, instinctively widening your legs to give him better access, much to his pleasure.

He was gentle; his hands were soft and careful, and neither of you were in a rush. You felt your eyes flutter shut as your lips parted with every quiet gasp and sigh that left you, and he couldn't help but stare.

It annoyed him how little you thought of yourself when he could clearly see you as something more. Sure, it irked him how you complained about things that could easily be changed if you put your effort into it, but you were also right. He always had it academically easy and often found it hard to connect with others or understand their problems on a level that wasn't with you. He was well aware of this issue, knowing that it often hindered his ability to comfort, and—for the first time in how long?—it frustrated him.

Even if he had no idea how to properly soften his words around you or to consistently change his facial expressions, he always showed he cared by spending time with you, teaching you new things, or helping you understand foreign concepts. But even then, he was willing to try to tell you that you were more than what those pompous Akademiya professors reduced you to, that you were better than what you said you were.

"Look at me," he said, his voice soft and smooth, coaxing your pretty eyes open. He slipped his hands out of your shirt and cupped your cheeks tenderly, ensuring your focus on him. "It doesn't matter what everyone says about you when they don't understand that you have strengths that rest beyond the traditional Akademiya expectations."

"But that doesn't—"

He gave you yet another stern look, to which you quieted down with a huff. "It's okay to struggle. Everyone does at some point. Even those professors found something difficult before they became what they are. But you know what they did?"

He paused, gauging your reaction. He was aware that what he was saying probably didn't make you feel better or make the most sense, but he hoped that you could feel the sincerity in his voice. "They took a step back, took a deep breath, and figured out what they were doing wrong. They didn't do that overnight or by working themselves to the bone. That's what you need to acknowledge."

"But all my other colleagues are doing fine, and I'm the only one struggling..." You appreciated his words, truly, but they did little to quell your worries.

"Are you? How do you know that for sure?" He countered, sliding his hands down to caress your hips. He watched you pursed your lips, squirming slightly under his gaze. "Point is, you shouldn't try to compare yourself to everyone around you and overwork yourself because that only leads to bad work and a bigger hole for you to climb out of. You have everything else to be proud of—not just your academic qualities. Understand? Besides, you made it into the Akademiya. That's something very few people can do in the first place."

You looked away with a frown, but you nodded softly. Even though it sucked knowing that you weren't the best, he did have a point. Wallowing in your own failure did nothing to better yourself, as much as you hated to admit it.

"Thanks," you muttered, sniffling a little. His thumbs swiped underneath your eyes, clearing away any of the tears that happened to escape you.

"Don't let them define you. Define yourself," he said finally, leaning back down to kiss you again. It was soft, tender, unhurried, like he wanted you to feel every ounce of affection he harbored for you. He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against yours. "Do you still want to do this?"

You nodded again, giving him a quick peck to the lips before wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "Mhm. I really need those benefits." Plus, you didn't favor being horny and sad.

Your lips curved in a smug grin when you saw his own quirk upwards in amusement, but he didn't comment on it. He sat up to tug your pants and underwear down, revealing your semi-hard cock. You shivered instinctively but kept your focus on him, waiting in anticipation for him to continue.

He leaned over to grab a bottle of lube from your nightstand, squeezing a generous amount on his fingers before pressing one into your hole. You sighed, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. He only offered a few pumps of his hand before adding a second one in, gently spreading them apart in a scissoring motion.

He wrapped his free hand around your cock, slowly jerking you off. He rubbed his thumb over the tip to smear the precum across your skin as wet sounds gradually filled the room. You noticed his eyes locked on your face and the expressions you wore, committing them to memory. He added a third finger for good measure, feeling you tense reflexively before relaxing just as fast.

"You're doing so good, [Name]," he praised, his voice low. He curled his fingers, pressing them against your prostate. He could feel his cock twitch in his pants at the sound of your moan, straining against the fabric. "I'm almost done. Then we can start."

You nodded, inhaling sharply through your nose when he began targeting the sensitive spot inside you. You could practically feel every surge of heat shoot up and down your spine, ending at your fingertips. Alhaitham could feel it too, every time your cock throbbed in his hold.

Your body felt warm and tingly when he moved both hands away from your body, wiping them off using a few tissues atop your nightstand. He grabbed the lube again and poured some on his palm to coat his cock, using his free hand to spread one of your thighs a bit wider. He peered up through his lashes, subtly raising an eyebrow in question. He continued as soon as you nodded, slowly pushing himself inside you.

You both let out a satisfied groan as he filled you, grasping onto his wrists as he held onto your hips.

"Fuck," he hissed, pushing further until he bottomed out completely. "You're such a good boy. You're taking me in so well." He perked up in attention when he felt you tighten at his words, noting how your eyes fluttered shut like you were savoring them. He wasn't overly aware of this newfound information, but maybe you had accidentally brought it to his attention now that you're stressed?

Either way, he didn’t comment on it, instead deciding to continue. “You feel so good, [Name]," he praised, leaning down to press his lips against the skin underneath your earlobe. You could feel the low rumble of his voice vibrating in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He let you take a moment to adjust to him before moving, gently thrusting his hips.

You noticed him moving away again as you opened your eyes, finding yourself enamored with the way his muscles flexed in every movement of his. Soft gasps and moans left your lips when you looked up, instantly noticing his gaze on you.

“Stop staring at me,” you mumbled shyly, squirming a bit. It wasn’t that you hated having him look at you—frankly, that’s all you longed for sometimes, it’s just that what you did hit you. Being as vulnerable as you were wasn’t something you preferred, even when Alhaitham didn’t berate you for it.

“You were staring at me, first,” he countered swiftly, and you could hear the rare undertone of his amusement in his voice. It was your favorite sound. “Besides, what’s the harm in looking at the most handsome man in Sumeru?” His monotony nearly made his words laughable, but you could see that he was genuinely trying. Knowing that sent butterflies in your stomach all over again.

You looked away, effectively flustered with all his attention. “It’s embarrassing…”

“Only because you make it embarrassing,” he said, sliding a hand upwards to toy with one of your nipples. He subtly shifted his hips, angling them so that his cock better pressed against your prostate. He watched you intently when you let out a throaty moan, feeling his dick throb inside you.

You reflexively clenched your thighs tighter against his hips, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. You snaked a hand down to your leaking cock, wrapping your fingers around the base to give it a squeeze. “You can go faster,” you muttered, looking down to watch the way he slid in and out of you.

He nodded with a quiet hum, adjusting his grip on your waist to shift the weight on his knees to sacrifice his slower, deeper thrusts for quick and shallow ones. Moaning, you jerked yourself off in time with his movements, unable to tear your gaze away from him, even for a moment. Your eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you brought your free hand up to bring him closer to you by the back of his head. You kissed him needily and fervently, letting out noises that mixed in with the wet sounds that came from your hole. Your body rocked gently, listening intently to the rustling of your bedsheets and Alhaitham’s deep, husky breaths.

Suddenly, he lifted a hand up to place over your abdomen, lightly pushing down on it just as he buried himself balls deep inside you. He paused for a moment, sighing as he watched you squirm at the sudden stop before continuing, feeling himself move in and out of you. You could feel the heat in your belly intensifying with every thrust to your prostate, back arching, legs tightening around his waist.

“Fuck, I’m…” you panted, clenching tighter around his cock. “I’m so close, ‘Haitham.”

“I know. I can feel you,” he said, gently moving your hand away from your leaking cock to wrap his fingers around it. Quiet slaps mixed in with your soft noises and his breathy grunts as he fucked you a bit harder, eyes fixated on the blissful expression on in your face. His dick throbbed inside you as he eagerly chased after his own orgasm, leaning down to press his lips to your jaw, kissing up towards your ear.

“C’mon, [Name], cum for me,” he whispered, sending yet another wave of heat shoot up and down your spine. You could hardly stop the stream of moans that spilled from your lips as he focused on the tip of your cock, rubbing his thumb on the sensitive spot just below it, as if trying to coax out your cum.

“Oh god,” your voice was strained as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten to an unbearable degree, trying to hold out just a little longer. “F—Fuck! Alhaitham!” You moaned in ecstasy when you finally came, squeezing your eyes tightly shut. You tensed and trembled as your dick spurt cum on your stomach and his fingers as he helped you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful when you orgasm,” he groaned, his thrusts beginning to lose rhythm as he neared his own climax. He dug his fingers into your waist tighter, muttering praises into your ear when you began squirming at the discomfort of your overstimulation. It didn’t take much longer for him to finish as he stilled, gritting his teeth when he quickly pulled out to stroke himself to completion. He sighed in satisfaction when his orgasm subsided, leaving your abdomen coated in ropes of his cum.

“Wh—Why did you pull out?” You panted, wiping a bead of sweat off of your forehead.

“Isn’t it annoying to clean up afterward? You're always complaining about it whenever we have sex,” he questioned after a moment, taking a second to bask in the afterglow before getting up to reach for a tissue to clean your skin. He put his pants back on, gathering your clothes to put them in a laundry basket.

You shrugged. “I mean, sometimes. But I’m gonna take a bath either way.” You blinked in confusion when you saw him quirk a brow, fidgeting a bit when he didn’t stop staring at you.

“No. You’re going to sit and wait here while I make you something to eat, first,” he instructed, leaving no room for negotiation. “Afterwards, you’re going to go to sleep. Then you can take a bath when you wake up.”

As if on cue, your stomach growled audibly, quickly reminding you that you haven't eaten anything since yesterday. "But then I'm gonna be all sticky and gross when I eat," you said, knowing how much he disliked having dirty bedsheets for too long. It surprised you when he shrugged, leaning against the doorframe as he waited for you to decide.

"If you want to take a bath first, then I'll help you," he offered. You swiftly nodded, wanting to eat clean and comfortably. He nodded and told you to wait for a moment as he prepared the water for you, leaving you by yourself for a while until he returned. The two of you walked into the bathroom where a bathtub of warm water awaited you. But just as you raised your leg to enter, a sudden wave of dizziness overcame you. Luckily, Alhaitham was there to keep you from falling with a firm hand on your arm, carefully helping you into the water.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes darting across your face for any sign of distress. He relaxed upon seeing nothing but waited for your response for further confirmation.

"Yeah. It's just something that happens when I get too hungry, y'know?" You explained sheepishly, splashing some of the water onto your arms and back.

"No, I don't know." He ignored the way you rolled your eyes. "I'll be right back, then."

You hummed to yourself, not minding his absence as you savored the warmth surrounding you, resting your head against the edge of the tub. You nearly fell asleep in the time it took for Alhaitham to return, jumping in surprise at the sound of his voice.

"Hey," he spoke, returning to your side with a bowl in his hand. "Eat this for now."

He kneeled down, bringing the bowl close enough to let you reach in and take whatever was inside. They were fruits, you saw as you happily grabbed one, tossing it into your mouth. You had to stop yourself from grabbing a handful and eating it all in one go, forcing yourself to appreciate every bite. You noticed him shifting behind you, leaning forward instinctively when he began cleaning your back with a small, wet towel.

The two of you basked in the comforting silence for a while as you let him take care of you until you turned your head to face him. "I love you," you said with a little grin.

"I know," he replied, putting the bowl onto the floor.

"Say it back." You pouted, but you knew he was only teasing.

His mouth quirked up in a faint smile, leaning forward to give you a quick peck on your lips. "I love you too."

[slvt4em1lyprenti2s]

Forbidden Love: Chapter 1 Next Chapter

Shy?

Masterlist

Criminal Minds Masterlist Emily Prentiss Masterlist

Summary: Professor!Emily x fem!student reader, what happens when profesor prentiss and the reader finally give into their feelings?

Word count: 1.5k

TW: Making out, I think that’s it?

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x female reader

A/N: Should I make this a series? Idk it might be fun!

Studying behavioural profiling is, well, different. It’s like science, criminology and psychology and smooshed into one subject. But the best thing about it, you ask? The teacher. Emily Prentiss is the most divine woman to ever step foot on this earth and no one can tell me otherwise. The way she strides along the front of the lecture all, her raven hair that falls in front of her face when she bends down to click something on her laptop, her eyes that always seem to find mine in a room full of students, her veiny hands that brush over mine when giving back a test. Ugh god, I swear I’m falling in love with this woman. 

It’s 7:45 am on a Wednesday and I’m walking across campus so I can get to lesson a little early to touch up my notes from my other class with Agent Morgan and to go over my- okay I’m bullshtting I just want to see Emily. And to be honest, I think I’m one of her more favourite students so I think she doesn’t mind me being early. 

I push open the door to the lecture hall and start walking down the steps, laptop bag slung over my shoulder that contained notebooks, pens, pencils etc, all the essentials. In my hand I held a travel coffee mug with my favourite hot chocolate in it because I wasn’t too partial to coffee. As I reach the front row I notice that Professor Prentiss has been following me with her eyes and watching the sway of my hips as I walked in. ”Morning Professor.” I try to say as if her eyes all over me weren’t causing a blush to creep up my neck. I took a quick check behind me finding out I was the only one in the room. 

“Hi, y/n. How are you today?” She asked her eyes staring into mine, genuinely curious.

”Good thank you, tired but good, what about you?” I smile as she chuckles lightly at my comment.

“Just about the same as you darling.” She replies with a smirk on her face seeing my face instantly bloom with red at the pet name. I shuffle my bag slightly before she says “I was out on a case for the last two or so days and I, only just, made it back in time to teach you guys. Lucky me hey? The only reason I’m even slightly okay with having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn is because of students like you. You actually listen and care, god knows that kind of work ethic is rare these days.” Emily looks exhausted and about ready to jump into bed at any second but the words that she said seem to cloud my head so I don’t pay much attention to her disheveled state. 

Students like me? What does that even mean? Well, she explained what it meant but I still wasn’t convinced. Nonetheless I responded “Yeah, it really is. All the people in this class want to be profilers or something along the lines of such and yet none of them take their education seriously. I want to throw something at them every time they talk over you. I might actually do it one day, it's so annoying!” She smiles fondly at my words making a cage of butterflies escape into my stomach and I smile back. 

“Now, I can’t have you throwing things at people, can I now sweetheart? That’ll get you kicked off the course. And I don’t think you want that, I certainly don’t want that, and besides don’t worry about the others. You’re doing amazing ah, that reminds me can you stay behind at the end? I just want to speak to you about your grade on our most recent exam. It’s nothing bad, I promise. You’ve done exceptionally well, in fact so well that I want to talk to you about further opportunities you have open to you.” She places her hand on my shoulder as we now stand face to face, she got up halfway through talking to lean on the front of her desk. I smile and subconsciously lean into her touch. The remains of the blush from the pet names yet again lingers but I say a small “Thank you Professor.” 

At that moment the door to the lecture hall swings open revealing another student in their own little world unaware of the building tension in the room. I give her one last smile and go make my way to a seat in the front row. I get out my laptop and notebook and start writing the dates and titles. I could feel eyes on me the whole time, I look up and lock eyes with Emily, finding her already looking at me. She sent me a wink and glanced back down at whatever she was working on. A crimson flush invaded my face and I returned my eyes to my page.

After the lesson I packed up slower than normal so that I’d be able to stay behind a little longer than she probably ment. I put my laptop in my bag and zip it up and grab my now empty hot chocolate. I walk up to Profesor Prentiss’ desk and find she’s already looking at me, again. 

“You know, you should stop staring at me so much. People might get the wrong idea.” I say, suddenly feeling confident, a teasing smirk on my lips. 

“What if I want them to get the wrong idea? What if I want them to think you’re mine?” I quickly shut up at that remark, all my confidence suddenly disappeared and I turned into putty. Heat rose to my cheeks and my head dipped to avoid her piercing gaze, it wasn’t mean, more admiration. But, any look from Emily Prentiss is intense. “Cat got your tongue honey?” She had a shit eating grin on her face as she saw me nod slowly. 

“Anyway, your grade! Okay you scared the highest in the class, and you got full marks. This isn’t anything new for you I'm sure, you’re a bright young woman. But, scoring this high in a test this hard, it opens doors for you. So, I’m here to offer you a chance to shadow me and the team for a week to see how we handle cases and what the job entails really. I also wanted to let you know that if you have any interest in joining the team I would accept you in a heartbeat. You’re a brilliant profiler.” Yet again for what feels like the millionth time today, heat rises to my cheeks. She stalks the way round her desk and stands in front of it. 

“That sounds amazing, oh my god, really?” A smile broke out on my face immediately. She looked pleased at my reaction and took a step closer. 

“Yeah of course really, why would I joke?” She laughed softly. I muttered a small ‘true’ and kept shamelessly checking her out as she still came closer to me and lowered her lips down to my ear and whispered, “Do I make you nervous darling? Is that why you get all shy whenever I’m around?” I nodded again while looking down, her hand found my chin and tilted it up. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” I felt a strange tingling in my lower stomach as she said that. 

I looked her in the eye and she bought me closer. “Is this okay?” she muttered, her breath fanning across my face due to the proximity. 

“Yes.” I breathed out. That was all the confirmation she needed to softly press her lips to mine. She held me like I might break at any minute, so tentative and caring it made my heart flutter. My hands found their way around my waist and I pulled her closer. She moved us around so now I was the one against the desk as she deepened the kiss, her tongue moving into my mouth. I instantly let her take control of the kiss and press her hips against mine. A small whine left my lips and I lent into her arms which were on my hips. 

She pulled away and looked into my eyes before whispering, just to me even though there was no one else there, “I don’t want this to just be a fling, just to make that clear.” I smiled wide and pecked her lips once more. 

“Neither do I.” She pulled me in again and we kissed with smiles on both of our faces. We knew we would have to be a secret for a while obviously but it didn’t stop me from fantasising about what was to come.

[just-zy]

A stupid girl with a bloody nose

pairing: Vada Cavell x Fem Reader!

summary: Being arrogant gets Vada absolutely nowhere, well sometimes..

A/N: okayy so I had this draft on my wattpad and then decided that I should probably post it here. Hope you enjoy!!

Warnings!: my writing, blo*d, u might be able to smell how ancient this work is.. lemme know if I hv a bunch that needs to be put on warning!

Masterlist

Libraries are a phenomenal place to stay when you have the need to be alone. The peace it gives, the peace it offers. But, trouble's always lingering somewhere, somehow.

"Psst! Hey..!"

I hear someone quietly call for my attention. Well, technically not just someone. It's someone who I, oh so, despise.

"What do you want, Vada?" I counter back, not really in the mood for their shenanigans. I was sitting by the window, giving me its clear view of the baby blue sky, and the buildings of the school. Being this, a second story library school. Considering class hasn't started yet, I went on a little trip to the library.

I glanced at my left wrist where my watch was attached to. On my right, a book in hand, with my fingers lingering on the books spine.

Ugh, it's literally 8 in the morning, what the heck does this girl want?

"Heard the exam scores are being announced today." I can already hear the smirk she's wearing. Gosh, she's so infuriating.

I tilt my head gently towards her, having my attention on her, rather in an uninterested manner. I see her sitting across me, with her legs crossed and her hands on her cheeks, her palms on her chin. "So? You still think you'd be able to... What? Go beyond my score? Hm?", I taunt.

She scoffs for a moment and gives me that damn signature smirk of hers. She says, "Of course! I studied way before you did! I know for a fact that I, did better.", Confidently.

I raise a brow at her, obviously not interested nor intimidated by her. I roll my eyes and went back to occupy the book on my hand that was needed to be read.

"We'll see."  As I said that, I hear wood creaking, indicating that she was now not by the table next to me.

What a pain in my ass.

★

"Alright class! Today's the announcement of the exam scores, now I need you all to be quiet and stay on your seats until I've finished. Only then you can all take your lunch."

After hearing the Teachers roaring voice, the students started murmuring, as if they doubted themselves and assumed they had failed, or supposedly passed.

"Two students tied up with the same perfect score, Y/N Y/L/N and Vada Cavell." Applaud can be heard, others with impressed expression, others with envy glances.

Again? Not again! Ugh.

"Then we have Riu Moore, coming on third Sevi Guth..." I shut my eyes, breathing in and out heavily.

How can this girl follow my pace?? I've hardly seen her do work! This is so annoying, she's so annoying! She's probably a teacher's pet—!

"Wondering how I've tied up with you, huh?" I hastily opened my eyes and I sight this girl's punchable face in front of me, her crouching figure, and her face inches away from mine. I could practically feel her breathe hitting my lips.

Holy shit she smells good.

I stumble on my words. "I- I.. No! What? Get your face away, stupid!" I shook, closing my eyes while my palm swung towards her, my palm making contact with a part of her face.

I heard a loud thud, followed by a pained grunt. "Shit." I sympathetically say under my breathe.

I get out of my seat and see her clutching her nose. "Y- you have a hard palm..", I audibly gasped as I start to see droplets of blood. I pulled her up by her forearm and began to drag her out of the classroom towards to the clinic.

Before I went out of the classroom, I saw only a few students left, no teachers. That was a bonus..

★

"You're good to go, Vada. Though, may I ask what caused your injury?", I sat by the chair next to the bed, where Vada was sitting.

She chuckles. "Oh! I kind of slipped and landed right on my nose.. Yeah, that wasn't really the best sight." she enthusiastically dismissed.

I furrowed my eyebrows, practically glancing skeptically at her. Wondering why she hadn't told the truth.

"Well, alright then.. Change the bandages when you get home, alright?"

"Will do."

She thanked the nurse for her care and went up to me. She held me by my hand. Before I could protest, she already had something in mind.

"For almost killing me! You! Have to buy me lunch today.", She starts with a teasing tone.

"Killing you? I hadn't even done enough damage to actually kill you!" I said irritated, but didn't pull away, I knew I owe her. But who goes up to someone like that? Obviously someone who isn't sane.

"And besides, if you had just came up to me like what a normal person would have, you wouldn't have been on that damn clinic bed. You really had to get to my face like that! Your fault, stupid."

She chuckles and glances at me, she was an inch taller than I am. Never was intimidated by her. Never will be. We never even were this close before! Not until today.

Though, I wouldn't mind staying hand in hand with her for a little bit longer.

______±______

V: just to be clear, this is a date, right?

Y: w-what?! no! *red as a tomato*

V: awh..

A/N: this may or may not have been proof read sooo... don't hate me..

[the---hermit]

17|01|2024

Today my philosophy studying continues, my goal of catching up with the recorded lectures I missed is all done, except for one additional lecture that the professor has uploaded for us online. Tomorrow I should get that done and also start to read the last book I have to study for this exam. I did struggle to focus especially in a couple of sections of these lectures, but I am happy about everything I have done.

calm hobbit winter activities and productivity:

read first thing in the morning

answered to a lot of texts ugh

finished the recorded lecture I started working on yesterday

worked on the second to last recorded lecture

planned my study tasks for tomorrow

daily Irish practice on duolingo and continued working on my notebook of key phrases and terms

continued my tma relistening (because I realized that tomorrow the magnus protocol is dropping and I haven't finished my relistening, I surely won't be done by tomorrow, but I am trying my best)

📖: A Day Of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon

🎵: Honor And Vengence by Shawn James (yes i am putting the whole album here, because somehow i missed this came out and now i am obsessed, it's so good, the music, the storytelling, his voice ajdfoiaw go listen to this, i will not shut up about it for months)

[katsona-the-katsequel]

Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad Activity Report

Part 3

5/16 (Sat) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Uh, this is Takeba.

Actually, Tartarus is closed today, and Kirijo-senpai told me, "School take priority over SEES activities!", but it's tough to stay holed up in my room all day, so I snuck out. That being said, I don't really have anything to report.

Oh, I'm lying, there was one thing. Well, Sanada-senpai is a little scary. Haha. Apparently the doctor told him yesterday that he'll be okay to start boxing in about a week, and he's really happy about that.

Of course, since it's before the exams, he seems to be studying properly in his room, but when I went out to the stairwell, I saw him running up the stairs at a great pace. I was surprised and talked to him, and he said that he had been taking a break and couldn't stay still. Do you even know what a break means? But I'm glad he's doing well. Yes.

Well, I don't want to relax too much, so I'll get back to studying. This is Takeba.

5/17 (Sun) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Well... Good evening, I'm Junpei Iori. I don't really have anything to report, but Kirijo-senpai told me to hold the microphone. I guess she told me to calm down and complain or whatever because my cries from the heart are getting in the way of the wonderful training... but somehow, haven't I lost sight of my original purpose for this activity report?

…Oh, that's right, there's something to report.

No, I don't want to sit at my desk any more this afternoon.

I don't want that to happen! I'm stuck with that feeling.

Wait, I went to Paulownian Mall to change my mood.

Then, I felt some strange tension.

A self-proclaimed "reporter" told me about some strange things happening recently.

She asked me if I had information.

When she said something like "I'll be rewarded if you give me any information," I was tempted for a moment, but then I thought, aren't we just heroes of justice who work in secret? Of course, I said "I don't know," and rejected her. Then the reporter just said, "Oh, okay," and walked away... It's a bit complicated...

5/18 (Mon) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Well, the exam finally starts today. There's no point in rushing now. I'll just do my best.

However... I know this may be unnecessary, and it may not be the right topic to talk about at a time like this, but I am really concerned about the injury that happened to our physical education teacher, Mr. Aoyama. From what I heard, he had been drinking after work and was on his way home in a good mood when, an accident was caused by a falling sign, but the accident happened just as the day changed... around the Dark Hour.

Well, shadows wouldn't have to resort to such a roundabout means to drop a sign and injure someone. It's probably just paranoia born from the frustration of not being able to return. Forget it.

5/19 (Tue) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hi, it's Junpei.

...It's no good anymore!

Ugh, today's modern Japanese test. I messed up... I messed up...

No, it was a chance question.

It was a question I remember doing, and it was the one that was called on me in that class, and I thought, "Yes, I got it," but then... I'd completely forgotten about it, hadn't I?

Damn it... If I had known it would be like this, I would have looked it up properly on my own instead of asking him for the answer!

5/20 (Wed) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba.

It's already the third day of the exam. How is everyone doing? Are you doing well? Are you scratching your head? I feel like I shouldn't be reporting here and should just go to bed or study... but let me get away with it.

...I mean, there's no way I can understand physics! What use is it for a girl to learn something like that in the future?

Yes, yes, I know I'm being petty.

5/24 (Sun) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

But I can't help but say it! Who the hell is Einstein! What did Newton do for me!

5/21 (Thu) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

Takeba... This may be unnecessary, but trivia about daily life isn't physics.

Now, it's Kirijo.

There are only two days left until the exams. Everyone seems to be getting tired. Before the exams, I hinted at a reward if they performed well, hoping to encourage them a little, but... I guess it was a bit too childish to lure them with something.

Of the three second-years, the ones who seem to have potential are the field leader and Takeba, but Takeba's complexion is getting worse day by day and he doesn't seem to be riding the wave at the moment, and in his case, it's hard to read his facial expressions...

I've always been bad at people-controlling techniques since I was forced to study something like the art of rulership before, but... putting it into practice is even more difficult. As someone in a position above them, I too must work even harder...

5/22 (Fri) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hey, Junpei here. Only one more day left until the end of exams! Tomorrow is the last day! If I rush around anymore, it won't start, so I'm going to bed after I finish submitting my report!

Hehehe, well, the questions I was trying to answer came up today, so maybe I'm doing pretty well?

Even so, I was really lucky today.

That's great! I forgot the question I was asked the other day, but I remembered it well today. The difference between the Paleolithic and Neolithic is the shape of the stone tools!

Hehehe, that serves you right.

All right, let's do our best tomorrow too!

5/23 (Sat) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

It's been a long time... I wonder how long I've waited for this day.

Today, the doctor finally gave me the seal of approval that I'm completely recovered, and said that it's okay to move around a little more roughly. The midterm exams are over, so I'm even happier.

Well, I can't just be happy.

I haven't been able to move my body properly for a while, so I'll need some rehabilitation before I can move properly in a real fight. I've been working on my recovery menu since I was concentrating on my treatment, so I can start doing it tomorrow. I hope everyone looks forward to it.

Oh, and the report I asked the lab to send during the exam period has arrived. It's a report on Fuuka Yamagishi, the student with potential who was confirmed at the hospital before and has been undergoing detailed investigation since then.

However, I was looking forward to it, but from what Junpei said today, it seems that she is sickly and often misses school. It's a shame, since the report said that not only was she suited to the Dark Hour, but he also had a good chance of using her Persona abilities.

To be honest, I can't really give up, but as long as there's even one cause for concern, I don't want to push it. We must never again cause tragedy by relying on optimism...

Well, it's Takeba.

The first Sunday since my exams!

Well, I guess I was pretty stressed out from the exams, so today I was pretty impulsive... and I did a ton of shopping, hahaha.

I know I should say this after I've already bought things, but mail order is a monster, isn't it!? In hindsight, I don't really need these things, but when I watch the show, I just want them so badly...

Yeah, that's right.

Right now I'm regretting that I bought something I didn't need. A multi-purpose apron... what should I do? Ugh, it was Takeba.

5/25 (Mon) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo. The results of the midterm exams were announced today. Akihiko was amazing! Excellent!

He had a hard time returning to the fight, and he seemed to be quite anxious before the exams, so I was worried he might lose his concentration, but he did a great job.

I told him that, but he turned his back on me, saying that he had to do it because it would set an example for his juniors. He's really not honest...

I'm a bit worried about the others. The leader seems to have been doing his best, but Takeba seems to have been staying in her room every day.

It seems she ended up with average results, and Junpei was... unbelievable.

As expected, they must be tired from going to Tartarus and defeating large shadows one after another. Although they look energetic, we need their help, but we can't let our activities affect their studies... We should be a little careful.

5/26 (Tue) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Seriously... if you're going to make that much of a fuss then you should have just studied properly from the beginning.

Ah, sorry. Just when I came out of my room, I heard some voices coming from Junpei's room saying things like "Pathetic" and "What am I doing?", just pathetic and wondering what he was doing. Well, I guess it's understandable with those terrible test results.

Mitsuru was also quite upset about the grades of her juniors, but this was something that couldn't be helped unless everyone put in an effort. After hearing that shout, Junpei would probably think things through properly next time. Probably.

Plus, we happen to be living in the same dorm.

If push comes to shove, no matter how much he doesn't want to do it, I'll just force my way into his room and make him do some pre-exam practice.

Intensive training...that's a good word. I'm looking forward to the final exams.

By the way, we are still investigating Yamagishi. Let's hope she will become a valuable addition to our team.

5/27 (Wed) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

O-ki-na-wa!

…Oh, no, they were talking about Okinawa's beach opening on the evening news, so I just did it.

I was talking about that, so I just did it.

So, it's Junpei! The sea is really nice. My exams are over, and I want to have some fun, but I don't have any money or time... Ugh, I'm not going to be able to go to the sea for the rest of my life.

I feel like I say this every summer...ugh.

But the sea is nice. Blue sky! Black bikini! White sand! Red bikini! I want to go and play. Oh, by the way, what happened to the new girl? Does she like the sea?

5/28 (Thu) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo. As always, Iori's report seems... stupid.

Well, from the beginning, I started these reports as just a memo for myself, and I don't have any strict reporting obligations. I'm just going to blurt out what I want to say, and if that makes me feel better, then that's fine.

It's good to use even if you're in the middle of nowhere.

Oh, speaking of Iori, I overheard him talking to Takeba in the lounge today, and it seemed like he was worried about his poor grades. It's easy to tell them to study, but I'll think about what I can do to help them more.

However... I noticed while Iori spoke that Magician's Arcana should have high magical power, so why does Iori's Hermes have such low magical power... Maybe next time, I'll get permission from him and study the correlation between abilities and Persona parameters? It's hard to find samples like that...

5/29 (Fri) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Uh, this is Takeba.

The exams are finally over, and there's some good news that we might even be hiring a new female member, so I should be in a good mood, but I'm in a bit of a bad mood today.

I overheard an unpleasant conversation in the school corridor...it was bullying.

I don't know who they were, but the two girls who seemed to be the bullies were talking about how they'd found out someone's weakness and how funny her crying face was, and stuff like that... and they were laughing out loud. Well, it wasn't an unusual story, so I just thought, "They must be bored," but... I ended up feeling annoyed afterwards.

Right now I have the power to call a Persona, right? Regardless of the type of power, the power is there to accomplish something, right? But even seeing that bullying scene and not being able to do anything...it's pathetic.

Sorry for complaining again. This was Takeba!

5/30 (Sat) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba for the second day in a row.

I was wondering what to do, but Kirijo-senpai asked me to keep a record of the matter, so I will continue on.

I don't know if it's related to the bullying issue I reported yesterday, but I found one of the girls I'd heard talking yesterday infront of the school gates this morning.

Yesterday, she was saying things like she was hearing voices and things that sounded like radio waves, so I thought something was a little strange...

6/1 (Mon) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

However, I don't know the details. I hope it was a coincidence. This was Takeba.

It's Kirijo... *sigh*. Well, something funny happened today. I couldn't help but laugh at the memory. Today's top news, which makes both Iori and Takeba laugh, is, without a doubt, the Junpei's Believe It Or Don't. I didn't know much about it, but apparently there was a comedian who told ghost stories, and Iori was imitating him. Akihiko says it sounds pretty similar, but even if you don't know the original comedian, it was still enjoyable.

To give a brief background, a rumor has spread around the school that a girl from class E in year 2 was found collapsed in front of the school gates, and that it was the work of a vengeful spirit. Iori told it in the form of a ghost story, but Takeba, who seems to have a hard time with ghosts, rebelled against it, and for some reason, he ended up investigating the truth of the ghost story.

I had originally planned to rely on them to at least conduct an investigation, but, how should I put it, the way Takeba was rushing headlong towards self-destruction... hehehe.

6/2 (Tue) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Um... My name is Takeba.

I can't sleep.

Since yesterday, I've given up Tartarus and I've been gathering information on ghosts... er, rumors, and everything I see, er... look weird.

I'm going to sleep with the TV on all night tonight...This was Takeba.

6/3 (Wed) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Good evening. It's time for Junpei Iori's report.

...Huh, to be honest, I've had enough of ghost stories.

Yuka-tan said that she's going to hold a report meeting and gather all the information she heard on Friday, but it's not that easy to gather information.

Oh, it's not that she can't find any information... it's just that there's too much.

If you walk down the hallway, 9 times out of 10 people are telling ghost stories. The remaining one seems to be about next week's "Phoenix Sentai Featherman R". I think next time, Swan will sing the full solo version of the theme song by herself or something.

Oh, well, leave Featherman aside. Anyway, there's way too much information! Is this what they call the information society's Heigai?

The ghost story I heard today was also a big mess, with one rumor leading to another and mixing with another... Anyway, the ghost story about how if you listen to the mysterious old lady's broadcast, you'll die covered in blood, I think I heard it as a rumor in a public school when I was in middle school. It's just too much to handle. I'm really tired.

6/7 (Sun) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

Come to think of it, the leader seemed to be doing some research. He was talking to someone from another class, which is unusual. He does things quietly. Well, I'll let it go for me now.

6/4 (Thu) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Eh... fuwaaah, it's Takeba. Uh, I was complaining the other day that I couldn't sleep, but today I'm actually really sleepy. Maybe it's because I was thinking about ghost stories so much last night, but I had a really bad dream... I'm a little sleep-deprived. It was bad during class.

I don't remember the details of the dream very well, I was locked in the school at night, and I was wandering around half crying, when suddenly the place changed to Tartarus. I suddenly had a bow and an Evoker, so this time I was charging ahead with all my might, but suddenly a shadow appeared, took off his mask and said, "How jealous of you"... he had Oiwa-san's face.

Ah, but the investigation is progressing smoothly. From the information we gathered yesterday and today, we found a small commonality among the victims. Ah, I forgot to mention this. There are multiple victims. Tomorrow, we will verify it and announce it at the briefing tonight. We will have the results next week, so please look forward to it. This was Takeba.

6/5 (Fri) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Takeba seems a bit enthusiastic. She said she'd go to the site tomorrow, but please don't do anything dangerous.

Well, those guys are no amateurs. They're quite skilled. Even though it's a hangout for delinquents, they won't fall behind that much... I should contact him... No, that's impossible...

6/6 (Sat) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

This is Kirijo.

No, I don't know where I started, but today was a tough day.

I trusted them... No, I still trust them fully, but as second-year high school students, they seem to lack thoughtfulness. Well, if that's what they're saying, we third-years should have guided them with that in mind. Let's be happy about their safe return.

Tonight, they went to a delinquent hangout outside Port Island Station. I'd heard the rumors, but it seems that the lawlessness of the place was terrible. They seemed to have escaped a close call, but I'll tell them to be careful for a while.

However, there was a big gain. According to information obtained at the hangout, Fuuka Yamagishi, a potential member of the team, has been missing for the past week. Also, the girl who collapsed at school is said to be part of the group that was bullying Yamagishi. At worst, Yamagishi may be the mastermind behind this incident...

No, let's stop speculating. First, we need to hear the details from the homeroom teacher who covered up Yamagishi's disappearance - was his name Ekoda?

Now, what should we do...? Come to think of it, it seems that the one who helped Takeba and the others was Aragaki, who just happened to be there. I realized by chance that I had still not lost touch with him.

It's Kirijo. It's been a while since I've been reporting this in a row. Perhaps they're still tired from yesterday's "investigation" or perhaps they played too much on Sunday, but all the second-years are already asleep. I monitored them during the Dark Hour just now, and they seem to be fast asleep without even turning over.

Today, there was something that bothered me a little. Apparently the second-years all stopped by a shrine during the day, and while they were talking about it, I heard the name "Amada."

At first, I just thought it was a name I'd heard somewhere before, but I'm sure the victim of the accident three years ago had the same name...

6/8 (Mon) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

I'm seriously dead today... Oh, crap, report, report. Huh...? No, you see, when you get lost in the Dark Hour, your memories are somehow erased, that's common knowledge for Persona Users, right?

Well, it's a bit late now though.

Ugh, sorry. I'm so tired and just want to go to sleep.

Umm, can I just post them all together?

A girl named Fuuka Yamagishi was locked in the gym because of bullying, and ended up wandering into Tartarus. The reason she was safe after being lost for a week was because, while time here stops during the Dark Hour, time there also stops outside of the Dark Hour... or so I think.

When examining the clock on the bike/backup equipment that Kirijo-senpai brought to Tartarus, it seems that you can tell the difference in the movement of time inside and outside... or so it seems. Hmm, it's complicated and I don't really get it.

So, we sneaked into the school in the middle of the night, took the same route as Yamagishi and entered Tartarus, and a large Shadow appeared, but we defeated it with our efforts, um... was there anything else? Ah, that's right. Yamagishi's Persona was amazing. It seemed to have a radar-like function, and can see all the enemy's weaknesses!

Oh, by the way, Kirijo-senpai has an unexpected lack of humor. If I said she was cute, I'd probably get punched. Well, I thought she was hard to get along with, so I've changed my opinion of her a little. Oh, I forgot something important! The large Shadows appear on the full moon! A customer who comes once a month! This is important information!

6/9 (Tue) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba. Today, Kirijo-senpai and Sanada-senpai are away visiting Yamagishi-san and their friend Moriyama-san. So, Tartarus is on a break. I'm still tired from fighting a large Shadow, so I'm not in the mood for Tartarus anyway. Oh, did I mention I was watching over Yamagishi-san? But it's not like I'm being selfish or anything.

On the contrary, she was extremely effective in the battle against the large Shadow, and it feels like she might be the strongest. Now she's collapsed from exhaustion because she used all her powers at once, so she's been hospitalized just to be safe.

If I had that kind of power, I guess I would join in... but this time she learned that SEES' missions are life-threatening. It would be great if she would join, but I don't want to force her. Ah, but the leader was quite welcoming and pulled her in...

Ugh, I'm thinking about a lot of things. Anyway, I'm really glad that Yamagishi-san is safe and that we were able to defeat the Shadow. This was Takeba.

6/10 (Wed) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo. Seriously, if I had taken my eyes off Iori for just a second, he'd have been a complete flop... What a poke. I admit that I do lack common sense in some areas, but... Oh well.

Well, today after I returned from visiting Yamagishi and Moriyama, I did some light sword training.

With Yamagishi joining the team, I will likely be on the front lines as well, so this is training for that.

The fencing club was on a break due to the midterm exams, and I didn't go to club activities as often as I thought because of my Student Council activities. It seems my skills have deteriorated more than I thought. I'm trying to be a little better so as not to be a burden to the hard-working second-year students.

I need to train hard.

Not only the leader and Yamagishi have shown remarkable abilities, but Iori and Takeba also have something special, even though they are still developing. As one of the original members of SEES... I can't lose. Maybe I should follow Akihiko's example and try that "special training" thing once in a while?

6/11 (Thu) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Ah, it's Takeba.

Good news... Yamagishi-san has been accepted into SEES. Kirijo-senpai's invitation seemed a bit pushy, and I was a bit worried she wouldn't accept, but she seemed keen...

For now, Junpei is simply happy. He's a really enviable guy. This was Takeba.

6/12 (Fri) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hi, Junpei here! Today is truly a joyous and memorable day! Ahem... congratulations to our newest member, Miss Fuuka Yamagishi, on moving into the Iwatodai dormitory! Hip, hip, hooray! Yay! Cheers to our new friend, Fuuka!

Gulp gulp gulp... Phew! Oh, it's not alcohol. It's just Yotsuya sake.

Well, today Fuuka moved into the dorm, and I'm always excited to meet new people. Hehehe, it's good to have more members.

Yukari-chan seems a bit indecisive, but since they're both women, they'll quickly become friends. I heard that she was scheduled to move into the dormitory tomorrow, but it seems like she couldn't wait. Yeah, that's not bad!

6/21 (Sun) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Ah, speaking of Fuuka... It seems like her homeroom teacher, Ekoda, has been punished for this incident, but I guess this was the work of the seniors... Well, even us students were getting annoyed with his nasty remarks, so it was like, "Serves him right!" When I asked Senpai the truth, she grinned and said, "Do you want to know, Iori?" No, that smile was probably many times scarier than when Senpai was angry. Ugh, so scary! I have to make sure I don't say anything unnecessary.

6/16 (Tue) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

H-hello! Oh, no. Good evening... Um, it's Fuuka Yamagishi.

From now on, I'll be in charge of all the backup stuff, so Kirijo-senpai showed me around the operations room... but for some reason, I'm also doing this activity report thing...

…Eh? Is that so? Ah, ah, sorry! You couldn't hear me just now, right? She told me not to worry about it, since it was just a formality, even though it was a report.

So... that's right. Can I just give you my impressions of the operations room's functions? The facilities here are really amazing. I've heard that Kirijo Electronics' technology is the most advanced in the world, but this equipment is even more advanced. Apparently, they're still using prototypes for testing... I never thought I'd be able to touch such amazing machines in a club activity, it's like a dream come true. I'm not sure how much I can help you with, but I'll do my best, so please look after me.

Was it a bit... stiff?

Oh, so I saw an interesting topic on the news today, so I'd like to share it with you... Well, it seems that a new vehicle control system for new urban transit systems is currently under development. After the monorail accident the other day, in order to prevent a similar accident... Wait, what?! That accident was caused by Shadow?!

6/17 (Wed) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

It's going so well that I feel a little guilty for suddenly increasing our fighting power and feeling strangely relieved.

If the hypothesis we discovered this time is correct, there will be about three weeks until the next full moon and the appearance of a large Shadow. We've made a strengthening plan to match this schedule, and thanks to Yamagishi, our new navigator, the exploration of Tartarus is going well, so on the surface there are no problems. Nothing.

But as the saying goes, good things come with many troubles.

It's times like these that we need to be on our toes and do our best. Especially Junpei... Ah, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. Junpei, you're doing well too. Don't worry about it.

6/18 (Thu) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

H-h-hi, it's Junpei.

For some reason, the last thing Sanada-san said yesterday is bothering me... At times like this, I'm usually the first one to be told off, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't worry about it and follow me. But actually, when you're nice to me, it really makes me feel down...

Well, well, please do as usual! Um, nothing special happened today... I guess? Oh, that reminds me, the school was recruiting new cultural clubs. Fuuka has also returned to club activities, so that's great! Um, which club was it? Art club... Photography club? Huh? Well, please ask her.

6/19 (Fri) Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba.

You may not have noticed, but I've been thinking about some weird things lately, and I may have been acting awkward around my senpais. I'm sorry if it offended you!

It's fine if you don't understand. I'll do my best as I have been doing.

Changing the subject... but the day before yesterday on TV there was a program called "Approaching the Real Face of the Kirijo Group!" It was a program that made things weirdly scandalous and like a third-rate scoop magazine. It made me feel bad watching it, but if you're just looking from the outside, you can make the other person out to be the bad guy as much as you want. Seriously... if you have a complaint, you should find out the truth before you say anything! I feel like that. I also tend to go ahead with my speculations, so I'm a bit remorseful.

...Ahaha, you don't know what I'm talking about, do you? That's all for today. This was Takeba.

6/20 (Sat) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

Good evening, this is Yamagishi.

I heard some unbelievable things today. 12 types of Shadow... 8 remaining. I had no idea that research had progressed to the point where we knew such detailed information. I'm a latecomer compared to you all, so I have to learn more and more things. I'll do my best.

By the way, the Chairman was researching the purpose of Shadows, and he said that individual Shadows attack people for "predation", but... I feel that's not quite right.

My persona... Lucia seems to have the power to sense the hearts of people around me. It's not quite telepathy, but I can sense small emotions and instinctive desires. Well, what I'm trying to say is... when I was locked up in Tartarus, I felt the hearts of shadows. It wasn't like an appetite...to put it into words...it was like they were saying "I want to go home"...

Hi, it's Junpei.

Today, Kirijo-senpai and Sanada-san are out, so Tartarus is closed. Kirijo-senpai seems to have gone to her main house, but I wonder what Sanada-san did?

It was dinner time when he went out, so I guess he ate somewhere around Iwatodai Station! Then he got full and sleepy, and didn't feel like going to Tartarus! Also, I guess the dinner menu was Umiushi beef bowl!

Well, I don't really care.

6/24 (Wed) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

By the way, I heard that a dog came in front of the dorm in the evening. They said it was a smart, cute, loyal dog, but I wanted to see it. I quite like dogs.

6/22 (Mon) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Too bad, Junpei lost. Yesterday was pure training. That's right. As a penalty for not winning, I'll have him join me in some early morning training tomorrow.

…I'm not joking, I'm telling you, I'm not kidding.

Well, lately, both Mitsuru and I have been out a lot, so I thought that we might have been neglecting our training at Tartarus. Since this is a good opportunity, I'll make a training menu for Junpei and the others.

The field leader is fine for now, but sometimes he seems a little lacking in spirit. Well, I think he's just quiet, but let's train together sometimes to deepen our friendship.

I'm worried about Takeba. She seems to be out of her mind lately... She seemed to be worried in her report the other day. We're only one year apart in age, so I know it's hard to trust us. But if you want, I'll give you some advice. Keep that in mind.

6/23 (Tue) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo.

Fufu... Akihiko, you're saying things like a senpai would. I can't let myself lose.

Not only Takeba, but also Iori and Yamagishi, if anything happens, please come and talk to us. We may not be as reliable as adults, but we are the same generation and can share the same worries.

That being said, it's not like you can spill everything you're feeling. Everyone has things they can't tell others. But if you trust us, we'll do our best to help you.

Well, I've digressed. Let's get back to today's report. Today is a new moon. With half a month left until the full moon, an increase in the number of people with Apathy Syndrome has been observed again. Today, the news were broadcasting someone suddenly squatting on the road and blocking traffic, and it seems that this person was also apathetic.

Fortunately, so far, the accidents have been limited to just after the Dark Hour, when traffic is light, so there have been no major casualties. ...Well, the fact that some people have become apathetic means that there has been enough damage. In any case, we will be fully prepared for the full moon. That's all.

Oh, that's right. Akihiko, where did you go without saying anything today? I don't mind you going out, but Tartarus is coming up in the evening. If possible, it would be helpful if you could leave a message. And...it seemed to me that you didn't have much energy when you got back. It's fine to be worried about your juniors, but don't neglect your own troubles. Got it?

Hi, it's Junpei.

Hehe... Ukukuku... well, Kirijo-senpai's report the other day was about how worried she was about us and it made me really happy, but... there was one thing that really hit the spot.

Umm, the part at the top that says "Takeba, Yamagishi, and Iori should talk to each other"...oh, the leader has been forgotten.

Hey! Ahahahaha!

Oh man, sorry sorry, that was a bit too funny. Well, as Sanada-san said today, I get the impression that he doesn't worry too much and just gets on with things calmly, right? Sanada-san said he doesn't envy him, but honestly, I do.

No, you see, I'm at an age where I have a lot of worries, right? Bad grades at school, worries about not being able to get a girlfriend, I'm on the verge of going bald from all the worries... but I should point out that I'm not actually bald, I just have street fashion.

...

Now, back to serious matters... I appreciate your concern, Kirijo-senpai. Thank you. But at least I am okay. That doesn't mean I don't have any worries... I have to figure them out and solve them myself.

More importantly, are you okay, Sanada-senpai?

Today you seemed worried in front of the boxing club room. You've been working hard ever since you came back, so maybe you're tired?

6/26 (Fri) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

I may not be able to be of much help to you, but if there's anything I can help you with, please let me know.

6/25 (Thu) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Hmm, it's Takeba.

Junpei... What do you mean, "an age full of worries"? And your worry is "not being able to get a girlfriend"?

Oh, gross.

Really gross.

It's a bit weird to live under the same roof as this guy, so I'm going to submit a motion to move Junpei's room to the roof.

Now, back to serious matters... I appreciate Kirijo-senpai's consideration. Thank you. But at least I'm okay. That doesn't mean I don't have any worries... I have to check and solve them myself.

More importantly, are you okay, Sanada-senpai?

Junpei said today that you looked worried in front of the boxing club room. You've been working hard since you came back, so maybe you're tired?

We may not be able to rely on you, but if there's anything I can help you with, please let me know. This was Takeba.

Good evening, this is Yamagishi.

I feel like I've gotten used to these activity reports. But when I listen to the records from the past, I think they feel more like a communication notebook than an activity report. Hehe.

But I think it's good. This way, we can communicate our feelings and understand each other.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that were the case?

Until recently, I was always thinking about how my words were not being understood by the people around me. But it's not like that here. Everyone, is considerate of each other. Even today, the Chairman of the board of directors came all the way out of his way to come... Well, there is a limit to what you can say, though. Phew...

<-PREVIOUS ● NEXT ->

[mik0is0bored]

hi !! i keep meaning to slide into ur inbox but i literally forget. but look at me i'm remembering. everyone clap!!

i've been wanting to watch csm for so long but i'm lowk scared of makima... which is a lil funny but there u have it. also the fandom itself seems like it's rlly lacking in media comprehension so i might js get frustrated interacting with it.

BUT TO BE FAIR. i survived jjk. i'm p sure i can survive anything... eloquent sigh

speaking of which, not only am i still in shock that jjk ended but the past few days i've literally felt so sad seeing a pic of gojo, like it's slowly setting in... he's happy where he is but he's not coming back😭😭 i miss him sm

but the good news is !!! we still have s3 coming and he WILL be animated. we'll have new food. nom nom nom chomp.

alr that's all from me for now, i gotta get ready for the day massive sigh... i have to actually lock in today and start revising for my o-chem exam i'm gna end it all actually /j

have a great day !!

Hii!!

Honestly same with csm my friend said that like half the characters in the intro aren't even introduced plus I haven't even watched csm yet cus I watched silent voice (shouya is me (i didn't bully anyone trust😭🙏)) and my brother wanted to watch jjk so I'm rewatching season one w/ him plus I still gotta finish the walking dead...😐

But yeah frfr if we survive jjk we can pretty much survive anything tbh😔☝️

Yeah the jjk ending i have mixed feelings cus i feel like the last little bit of it was rushed but idk gege loves us fr🤭 but the funniest thing was how the final few panels was Mahito throwing a fit like i hate mahito sm but it's almost funny how much I hage him

Also yeah like I didn't like gojo all that much initially but I did feel bad for him cus he kept being taken away from Geto (plus his interaction w/ kenjaku omg😭🙏)

Plus about season 3 I think its being released in 2025(?) Like idk if I should be happy it's season 3 but then again Megumi's possession will more than likely be in season 3...😭

But we won't talk abt that🤭

Ugh ngl chemistry regardless of the level of the class is difficult cus i had a chem test Wednesday and I didn't even study (I did while I was painting but words of advice from a highschooler(being a highschooler is irrelevant but whatever): don't study and paint at the same time😭🙏)

Have a great day aswell<33!

[milkyluxe]

Just for tonight

My entry for day 4 of KagiHira week 2023 Prompt: needy Please be considerate with me, It's been literally over a decade since I last wrote a fanfic, but what can I say? these boys got me down BAD So this is basically Hirano being needy. Set in the winter where Kagi is a 2nd year and Hirano is about to graduate. He's stressed and anxious. Enjoy! :) Also a biiiig thanks to my bestie @cutiesaur for being my beta reader. She really helped a lot! <3

Just for tonight

Physics. Yes, he should study physics a bit more…make sure he knows all of the formula variations there could ever be. Perhaps, he should go over all the problems again? Or  maybe it was a better idea to study maths? Just a bit more wouldn’t hurt to make sure he was on top of every problem he could need to solve. Maybe he should eat. When was the last time he stood up?...How long had he been in this trance? Ugh, he should tidy up his desk. All the mess inside his head couldn’t…or shouldn’t be also present in the physical world. Taiga Hirano grunted. Goddamit, why can’t days be 36 hours, right? 

“Hirano-san”, his roommate's voice snapped him out of his clustered focus mode, “are you gonna stay up late again?”. Akira Kagiura was already laying on his bed, pretending to read a fashion magazine, but in reality he hadn’t turned the pages in over thirty minutes. He had spent the whole time staring at Hirano, not because he was oh so in love with him, but because the blonde hadn’t moved a muscle in hours; no, in days. 

College entrance exams were just around the corner. Kagi had always known how much of a dedicated student Hirano was, he admired him for it, but these past days he had the impression his senior was pushing himself way too hard. It had been a little over a week since he had started ignoring the “lights out” time and kept studying on his desk with a little desk lamp that couldn’t be good for his eyes. He went down to the dining hall just to mindlessly shove food down his throat the fastest he physically could. Kagiura was  sure he wasn’t chewing  properly. “Sorry… I really need to go back up and study”, Hirano had been  excusing himself, but did he really need to study that much?

It’s just the last spurt. That’s what Hirano thought. 

“Uh -Yes, I- …Yes, I think so”, he finally answered with his head clearly still in his notes. “Is the light too bright? Does it make it hard for you to fall asleep?"

“If I say yes, will you stop studying and go to sleep too?” Kagi asked. He  somewhat regretted the tone in which that sentence came out, more annoyed about the light and less worried about his beloved; the latter being how he truthfully felt. Hirano turned on his chair and looked at the brunette for a while, or at least what felt like a while to Kagi. Hirano had a similar gaze in his eyes as the one he had had when Kagi first met him. “No” he said plainly. 

Now Kagiura was mad. The man he loved was so smart and reasonable, yet this attitude was self-destructive. Yeah, okay, the blonde had said countless times how his priorities were and always had been his studies, but putting them even over his health? It was irritating and it seemed like he knew and just didn’t care. All that was in Hirano’s mind was being as ready as he could be for those exams. 

“You’ve been doing this the whole week. Your body can’t possibly handle this treatment  much longer. You know…Tomorrow is sunday, you can catch some sleep today and tomorrow  you can keep studying if you want-” 

“If I want?!?!” Kagi was sort of cut off by Hirano’s sudden outburst. “Do you think I’m doing this for fun? My whole future and everything I’ve been working for in these past years depend on me scoring a high enough grade on the entrance exams next week!” Hirano hissed. He was incensed, he wasn’t being himself. 

Kagi kept silent for a bit, he limited himself to  stare at Hirano with those deep brown eyes of his. Hirano seemed as  if  he was holding his breath. He had raised his voice to Kagi, his precious roommate, and that didn’t happen often. “You are  the first person to tell me that taking breaks is something healthy, that I cannot strain my body  so that  it exceeds its limits all the time, yet that’s what you’ve been doing. All these past days and nights, it’s like there’s a magnet on your desk” the younger man said firmly. “You are  better than this, Hirano. I know that you know better than to-” 

“I’m scared” Hirano’s gaze was down, his body tensed up on the chair. He had verbalised that so fast, Kagiura even doubted if he had heard him  right. “You’re scared?” asked Kagiura to make sure he had heard correctly. “Every minute I’m not studying I feel like I’m wasting time. My head gets flooded with horrible scenarios… What if I can’t answer something I thought I knew perfectly… Should I have studied more? What if I don’t make it? What am I supposed to do then?” his voice was starting to crack.

Upon hearing that faint change of tone in Hirano’s voice, Kagi jumped out from his bed as quickly as he could and kneeled in front of Hirano to meet his gaze. He looked up at him, a silent way of saying “I’m listening to you”. Inside his mind, Kagi was fighting the urge to take his beloved blonde into his arms and console him, alas Kagi knew that, in this state, the other would only retaliate. Instead, he gently placed one of his hands on Hirano’s knee to encourage him to vent some more. 

Brows furrowed, Hirano raised his hands to his forehead, then his temples. He was extremely tense and he knew it, he was only realising this now that he didn’t remember being not tense for the last few days. “I can’t stop,” he said in a tiny voice. “I’m sorry I snapped at you… It’s just that… I feel like I’m drowning”, he stated with one hand partially covering his face. He looked at Kagiura, who was still on his knees looking at him. He didn’t need to say anything, his very expressive eyes spoke for him. Hirano was always glad for how Kagiura kept him grounded without him  knowing it. He felt as if he gave him some sort of sense of purpose and direction. He was a pillar to him. Though he still hadn’t been able to name what he felt for his junior, he was certain they were all positive things, even if he had been ignoring him these past days. He recalled what Kagi said earlier, he was right, he needed to take a break. He was burnt out, exhausted, and anxious, but seeing his roommate’s face brought him some comfort. “You’re probably not even retaining anything anymore, like, your brain is lacking nutrients” Kagiura stated as if he was a hundred percent sure that’s what was happening. Hirano chuckled. “You’re so stupid”, he teased him with a faint smile on his face. He took the hand that was resting on his knee, held it and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you, Kagi. You’re absolutely right, I should stop…that is for today at least”. Kagiura smiled and squeezed his hand back. He got up, not letting go of Hirano’s hand, “I have no doubts that you’re going to make it, Hirano-san, but you really have to get some rest. You always look very beautiful to me, but those dark circles aren't flattering around your pretty blue eyes”. “Ugh” Hirano took his hand away and hid his very much blushed face. “Okay, whatever, let’s sleep then, it is past lights out time anyway” It had been a little over a year since Kagiura confessed, and they had been through so much, but Hirano still wasn’t sure how to react when the other one blurted out his thoughts and feelings like that. But as he had told him himself once: Kagi went straight for the throat with his words and, once again, he had to be thankful for it. “I’m not gonna turn off the lights until I’m completely sure you’re tucked in your bed” Kagiura said as he stood waiting for Hirano to crawl into his bed and lay on it the same way you would stare at a pet that got caught in the middle of  mischief and got  scolded for it. “Are you gonna do it yourself, then?” The blonde immediately regretted his words. With any other person, that would’ve come off as a goofy little threat-joke; but, given the current state of his relationship with Kagiura and how the sleepy brat tended to take things literally...He had positioned himself in a dangerous situation . He cleared his throat and blushed. Again. Kagiura blushed too because the amount of times he had dreamt of taking Hirano to bed was insane. 

After some awkward seconds, the youngest said “I don’t think you should set an alarm for tomorrow. You should really sleep as much as your body needs. If I wake up first, I’ll be sure to be as quiet as possible. Oh! But I’ll wake you up if breakfast time is running out, you must  eat properly too, and breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you want, I can get you some of the snacks I eat before training if you want to feel more energised-” at this point Kagiura realised Hirano was staring at him with a joyous look on his face, the kind gaze  that made Kagi think Hirano was also in love with him. “Right, sorry, I’ll shut up” Hirano snickered, he got into his bed, bundling up under his covers. “Thank you, Kagi… I mean it” he said as he rested  his head on the pillow. Kagiura turned off the lights.

_______

Taiga Hirano envied and admired a lot of things about his roommate, one of those things being his ability to fall asleep immediately, and virtually anywhere. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Kagi had turned off the lights, but he felt as if he had been shuffling around on his bed for hours. Had  it been of any worth  that Kagiura had managed to get him off the desk relatively early if he was still awake, thrashing around thinking about the exams? Oh no, here it comes again, the feeling of wasting time. He felt irate at himself. Why couldn't he just fall asleep quickly? He wished he could just switch his body off, like an electronic device. He couldn’t help himself to keep ruminating on those thoughts of worry and inadequacy… Oh! And, on top of that, he had also made poor sweet Kagi worry about him. This wasn’t good. His chest felt tight, his thoughts were rushing on his mind and felt as if they were surrounded by thorns, he couldn’t find a position where his body didn’t feel itchy. He wasn’t foolish enough to get up and start studying now, he knew he needed to rest, but this was  useless, he needed his mind to wander somewhere else. He sat up and glanced to his left towards the direction where Kagi’s bed was. He appeared to be sleeping profoundly. 

Aah, fuck it. 

“Kagi” Hirano whispered, hoping it would be enough to wake up Mr. Sleeping Beauty. He knew from experience that it hardly would be, though, so he sat at the bed of the other boy and shook him  lightly, “Kagi” he repeated .

“..hmmh?” a very dazed and sleepy Kagiura mumbled, one eye opened. “Scoot over” Hirano said with a calmness in his voice that was proportional to the knot of nerves he felt inside. It’s not like he hadn’t slept with Kagiura before, they had fallen asleep on the floor sometimes in their study sessions,  they had also leant on each other on long bus rides if they took a trip somewhere… but actually getting in his bed was… different. Hirano felt a bit guilty. Was he taking advantage of him? He knew he wouldn’t refuse. Was he being selfish? He still remembered that time when Kagi couldn’t sleep well because he was too self-conscious of sharing a room with the person he had a crush on…that was a long time ago though, and they were way past that stage. 

Also, Kagiura himself had told him he wanted him to be needy, and this was what he wanted right now. Without fully understanding what was happening, mainly because he was pretty much with one foot in reality and consciousness and the other one on Morpheus’ realm, Kagiura  squirmed towards the side of the wall, and the next thing he knew was that he had Hirano between his arms. Now he was fully awake. “Hirano-san, what happened? Are you okay?” Kagi asked, concerned. “...It's just… I can’t sleep,” Hirano answered, the sound  partially lost as he had buried his face in Kagi’s chest.  It was his way of saying “I don’t want to talk anymore”, the blonde tugged at Kagi’s pajamas and squeezed him into a hug. Kagi understood. He shifted his body a bit more so that Hirano could lay more comfortably on him… well, at least as comfortable as those miniscule  single beds would allow them. He held his beloved senior in his arms. Hirano had his head on Kagiura’s chest-shoulder-arm. One of his arms was folded awkwardly between their bodies and the other one was around his junior, holding him tightly. He could hear Kagi’s heartbeat, which he had expected to raise up, but it didn’t. Wasn’t he disrupted by the fact that his crush had just barged into his bed? Maybe this was wrong and he shouldn’t have made his way into his junior’s bed. Doing something as intimate as sharing a bed was…risky, giving he was also still not sure he felt the same way. Then again, whatever impulse made him want to sleep with him had been right, he already felt a little bit better. The night was cold, it was winter after all, and Kagiura was very, very warm. Hirano was somewhat glad these beds were so narrow, they forced him to cling extremely close to Kagi; it was his only option. Whatever thoughts that were making him feel bad about giving Kagiura mixed signals were now redirected at himself, accusing his own actions  for quite possibly turning a  blind eye on his very own feelings for his roommate. 

He had willingly approached his roommate to lay between his arms after all, and, by god, it was everything he had hoped it would be and more. After a short while, he felt Kagi’s fingers caress his hair lightly, softly, cautiously. Hirano got angry at the thought that maybe Kagi was taking this as the pointless ten second thing they used to do. He shouldn’t hesitate to touch him, for heaven’s sake! So, as a way to reassure that physical contact between them was more than okay now, Hirano snuggled more into Kagi’s chest and leaned his head into his hand as he caressed his hair,  just like when a cat wants to be petted. It was working. His head was being drained from all of the overwhelming thoughts and worries of the exams and instead, thoughts of his beloved Akira Kagiura were starting to sprout. Hirano was thinking of Kagi’s body, which was now extremely close to him, and how it barely fit in the bed, lengthwise. He was thinking about the fact that Kagi felt broader than what he looked; it was funny how the brunette was always so eager to touch him yet he was so reluctant to show off his muscles. Those muscles… Now Hirano could feel them, and it was doing things to his mind. He decided it was not the time to pay too much attention to those thoughts… not now. Kagiura’s other hand had found its way to Hirano’s back, and it was gently caressing him there too, with a small linear motion with his thumb. This felt extremely relaxing and Hirano was delighted; either he would fall asleep, which was what he much wanted and needed, or he would remain enjoying all of the sensations his roommate was making him feel, which were a bunch of fuzzy warm emotions. 

He didn’t want to think much of when he would ever get the chance to share a bed with Kagiura again, or even if he would. Perhaps going over what his feelings for Kagi actually were wasn’t the best idea now. Hirano was just grateful there was someone in his life he could depend on and lean on when he felt as if the ground wasn’t there anymore, like he was losing himself. The mere action of laying down and cuddling with Kagiura made everything else seem so inconsequential. It was just them, their bodies now very intertwined, as  Kagi had locked their legs together at some point, both of their breaths now in sync, and Kagi’s soothing heartbeat which made Hirano calm down drastically. The petting on the head stopped, and Hirano took this as a sign that his dear Kagi was definitely falling back to sleep. The older boy moved his head a bit to look at his source of bliss. Kagiura had rested his head to almost lay on top of Hirano’s, and because of the sudden movement, he got alerted and opened his eyes. Blue met brown. 

They held their gazes for a while. Kagiura appeared to be waiting for Hirano to say something, and Hirano seemed to be waiting for Kagiura to do something. 

Kagi smiled softly and asked “are you comfortable?”; his voice was low and raspy, he had bedhead and, from up this close, Hirano could see just how handsome he really, truly was. He got overwhelmed, but in a good way, because he understood the sheer amount of self-control Kagi must have been exerting right there to place his needs first. It was  like he understood everything, all at once. The raw, intense, intrinsic love Kagi felt for him, he was really feeling it now, it was like being struck by thunder. Hirano wished this sensation was eternal. If he had done it a little harder, Hirano would’ve practically headbutted Kagiura on his chest when he leant down on him again, squeezing him tight. “Very much so” Hirano answered, but again his voice was partially lost in the fabric of Kagiura’s hoodie. He felt Kagi also snug him closer, take a deep breath and then he was pretty sure he felt faint kisses on the top of his head. He  probably didn’t mind it at this time, all this cuddling was the perfect sleeping pill after all. 

___

When he opened his eyes, Hirano felt plenty confused: he saw his own bed, but he wasn’t on it. “Oh my god, did I die out of stress? Am I a spirit now?” He began to freak out, but was eventually distracted by how overly warm his back felt, and how his duvet felt heavier than usual. It felt as if it was almost wrapped around him… and it also smelt a lot like his roommate. Oh. Right.

They must have shifted during the night (as one normally does) because now Kagiura was spooning Hirano, who needed a few seconds after waking up to finish the puzzle on his mind and remember all that had happened last night. Carefully, as to not wake the other up, who, unsurprisingly, was still asleep, Hirano reached out for the alarm clock Kagi kept on the headrest of his bed, the one he had gifted him on his past birthday. It was a little past 9 a.m. Way later than the time they usually got up, but still not too late to have breakfast. Hirano sat up on the bed and woke Kagi up. After all, if they weren’t out of the room soon, Hanzawa was probably going to knock on their door out of suspicion and, for once, he would’ve been right. 

With a hand lightly shaking Kagiura’s torso, the blonde called for his junior’s name in a soft voice. When Kagiura opened his eyes, he was greeted with a view so dazzling he also thought  he had died and gone to heaven: the morning sun rays were leaking from their window, and the ones that didn’t reach him directly, were being blocked by Hirano, with his golden hair, his fair skin, his shining blue eyes, the morning sun creating a halo around his figure. His brain malfunctioned and, all he managed to say after some babbling, was “...what?” 

Hirano giggled, Kagi genuinely seemed absent-minded. “Don’t you “what” me, get up!” he said as he gave a quick spank to Kagi’s hip. Kagiura was sure he was now dead because there was no way Hirano just did that; but on the other hand, he was happy, because Hirano had a completely different look on his face: he looked rested, refreshed, lively. 

“Good morning, Hirano-san” Kagi finally managed to say, and smiled.

[kerostarz]

love you twice. kim gyuvin

🍵 _

“and yeah he was really nice overall”

my roommate finally came back and i told her all about my official first encounter with kim gyuvin.

“this is the beginning of your rom-com.. are you kidding me ??” my roommate squeals, i laugh and shrug, “oookay calm down i don’t even have the time to complete half of these essays and research studies in time, you think i’ll have time for romance ?” my friend smiles and winks and i roll my eyes giving up.

⏰ *ringggg* *ringggg* (the next day)

i woke up and quickly got ready. today i had two midterms in biology. how exciting. truthfully with me being sick i wasn’t able to study much as i just felt dead for a whole week, so i decided to wake up early and go revise in the library.

it wasn’t too cold this morning as spring was approaching so i finally chose to wear a t shirt and some baggy blue jeans. i silently scurried out of my dorm as to not disturb my roommate who was still in dreamland.

📓📚.

after 2 hours in the library, it was finally time to take my test and i did not feel prepared at all. 1.5 hours passed by and the bell rang signaling that the test was finally over. it was well past 13:00 pm and i was so hungry. i quickly paced down the hallway but when i got down to the entrance, it was pouring rain outside. great.

for one: i had no umbrella in hand, and for two: it started getting cold and i had no jacket either. at this point my only choice was to run back to my dorm but before i could take a step outside, a hand pulled me inside again. huh ?

“it’s too cold, you’ll catch a cold again” i turned around, my face meeting with none other than kim gyuvin’s face. “oh it’s you!” i exclaimed in surprise.

“here” gyuvin dropped his backpack on the floor and began to take his hoodie off, “you can have my hoodie” and before another word could leave my mouth, he motioned his head left and right and pointed his palm at me, “do not worry! i am wearing a thermal shirt underneath so i have come prepared for the weather AND i brought an umbrella too!” i smiled softly, gently taking his hoodie and thanking him as i put it on. it was warm and had a baggy fit on me.

gyuvin opened the umbrella and we took off under the rain, our bodies compressed under the umbrella as to not get a single drop on us. “what brings you in the biology building by the way?” i asked him, wondering since his major’s building was on the other side of campus. “oh! uuhh.. my friend left his pencil case so i went to drop it off.. yeah!” he smiled. “i see, well we just had an exam and i’m exhausted ugh, i have another one in the afternoon but at least it’s online” i sighed, a sigh of exhaustion. silence and rain fills the conversation for a minute.. “are you hungry? let’s go and grab hot pot” gyuvin suggests and i immediately agree.

🥢~

“thank you for the meal~” i drop my body against the restaurant’s sofa, my stomach satisfied with the food, “you really didn’t have to pay gyuvin”. he refused to half the bill earlier and ran to the counter to pay. at that point i couldn’t say no so i remained in my seat laughing it off as he turned around smiling and sticking his tongue out.

“sooo.. when are you taking the test” gyuvin asks, we headed out the restaurant and began to mindlessly walk around the streets near campus. “ah, you’re right” i chuckled, “i totally forgot about it haha” i was having so much fun just hanging around with him that it only hit me now that i have yet another test to take. “i should head back to my dorm” i replied looking down at my feet. i felt gyuvin’s gaze laying on mine and i suddenly started getting nervous. but why ?

“it’s 5pm and the cafe should not be busy since it’s a week day.. we could pass by and you can take your exam there, yeah?” i looked up at him, his eyes shining like boba balls, almost as if he was begging me to not leave. “plus it’s nearer here than campus so we’ll save time and-” “let’s go,” i cut him off and smiled, gyuvin smiling back, his eyes forming a crescent moon shape.

“let’s get going then.”

[neverthelesshex]

"Muse" Jschaltt x reader (Collage AU) prt1

No smut in this part sorry

Female reader sorry boys

........

You wake up to your alarm, ugh the typical repeating, exhausting, and repeating day starts you put on some white cargo pants, with a brown lacey cami top since it was mid summer, you throw on some Mary Jane's grab your satchel bag sling it on your shoulder and start to go to your class, on your way you grab a coffee and continue your walk to your first class.

You sit down next to ted, taking a sip of your coffee

"Hey y/n what are you up too" he hums writing down some stuff from his flim class notes

"Trying to wake up and survive another day. I have like three exams today!" You whine throwing your head back running your hands through your hair

"Man I don't have any exams till next week, you need to relax a bit" he smiled

"I wish but I need to study this weekend so my schedule is packed" you huff

"Dude, you don't always have to study" he rolls his eyes

"YES I do, you just don't understand I need to pass this collage shit" I cry

"I'm passing all my classes, And I party on weekends you'll live I promise-" he sighs

"I hate parties..." you stare blankly at him

"Then come to a baseball game with me this week my friend jschaltts playing" he taunts with a hint of begging in his voice

"Fine" you agree

*time skip*

It's Saturday you did a majority of your studying Friday, and now you're in front of your closet trying to figure out what to wear out, you decided on a white tank top and some black cargo shorts with some converse.

You walk out of your campus dorm and start to walk to your collages baseball arena and start walking up the stairs seeing ted a mid way up,

You go and sit next to him "so which ones jschaltt" you question

"Number 69 with the mutton chops" he points

You nod and see him. The game begins with jschaltt at the home plate with his bat he hits it left field getting to first base with ease going to half point between the bases before getting go second and sliding being safe. The next batter Is up hits it right field and jschaltt gets to home sliding a cloud of clay red dust filling the air

"SAFE" the umpire yells, I softly clap as ted is screaming his lungs out.

The rest of the game goes by and jschaltts team "the Chicago rams" win with 25-10

We walk down near the dugout to see jschaltt

He walks out with his baseball bag on his back

"Hey buddy!" Jschlatt booms

"Jschaltt!!!" He side hugs jschlatt

"This your new girlfriend" jschlatt hums nodding his head towards me

"Nah this is my childhood friend y/n" he laughs

"Well hi y/n I'm jschlatt how are you" you shake his hand shyly

"I'm doing good, good job at your game though" you smile

"Thanks y/n!, now guys let go eat I'm starving" he groans

You and Ted nod getting into his car and driving to Applebee's

Ted sits with jschaltt and you sit alone in a booth he you guys order your drinks and start to talk

"So y/n what are you majoring in?" Jschlatf asks tilting his head slightly while taking a sip of his drink

"Art, more specifically visual art and fine arts ted is my model for when I have to do certain projects" you ramble

"She draws really good, so I'm happy to be her muse" he laughs

"You should show me some one day" he smiles "I love art but baseball is my calling!" He bluffs

You guys get your food and chat more and eat before you guys leave jschlatf gives you his number

"Call me up if you ever need a muse" he smiles at you

You get at your dorm again changing into pajamas and flopping down into your bed

'Today was amazing' you smile to yourself before going to sleep.

[heeheesang]

finale.

slow dance ☆°`~

fast foward to end of year

as soon as i got out of the classroom, heeseung gives me a big hug and pecks my forehead, "how was the exam, princess?"

"it was so... ugh! i wish i had studied more..."

"you did your best, my love. now that the exams are over, aren't you excited for prom?" i shrugged as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we went to the cafeteria, meeting up with the rest.

"hoon!" i yelled and ran to hug him, "man, i missed annoying you so much.." i said as we all took our seats, i ended up sitting next to heeseung and chaewon.

"i'm so excited for prom! i brought out a nice white dress and a pair of heels to match with it~" chaewon exclaimed, clearly excited as she took her phone out to show me a picture of it.

"that's so cute! rei, what're you wearing?"

"i'm not going, i'm going back to japan remember?" rei laughed with sadness lacing her voice.

i pouted and almost cried, so today and the last of next week was really our last week together before prom and we all departed from school. i mean, i hate this school but the people i meet long the way really makes school feel like home.

"are you okay, princess? you've been staring at the table. you sure you don't wanna get anything before we leave?" heeseung asked and i shook my head, hugging onto his arm and laying my head on his shoulder.

"here, say ahh,"

i smiled at heeseung before opening my mouth and taking a bite of the mac and cheese he had. if i could, i would've failed my exam pirposely if that meant i could see them for another whole year.

oh how much i'll miss hanni, her laughter and lame jokes always made my days brighter. jungwon too, he's really good at comforting people and standing up for them. changmin, the guy who brought me into dancing and the first guy that i was friends with in dance.

sunghoon, a guy who'll always have my back no matter what happens and will always be there for me. chaewon, the girl who will literally fight back without hesitation and make me gain confidence. rei, the girl who was always shy but will always back me up and fight people when they go too far.

karina, the girl who i once thought was innocent until she threw me under the bus. i don't blame her, i don't, i blame myself in fact.

and lee heeseung, the guy who made everything possible. the guy who never gave up on me no matter how bad my mood swings got. the guy who was once my enemy. the guy who gives the best hugs. the guy who hated my guts. the guy who is a gentleman. the guy who i fell in love with. the guy who is my boyfriend. the guy who is my best friend. lee heeseung. lee heeseung. lee heeseung.

i snapped out fo my thoughts as they all laughed over one of hanni's lame jokes once again. i smiled and laughed along, maybe this is the last time i'll ever experience a true friendship like this. they'll always be in my heart, they'll never and never did leave me alone.

"i'll miss you, heeseung."

"don't say that, princess. we can always meet. i'll always make time for you." with that, heeseung leaves a peck on my forehead and got back to the conversation he had with changmin.

he'll always make time for me. it was like i'm his world, he's mine. i'll admit, i felt a little sensitive when we all separated ways for the day. chaewon left with rei, sunghoon with jungwon and hanni's mom had picked her up, i was left with heeseung.

he had his arm around my shoulder as usual. we were just listening go songs on his airpods, he had one in an ear and i had one in my ear. he started singing to some of the songs and i gasped, was he always this good at signing? he could sing, he could dance and he could play sports, what can he not do?

"princess, i love you."

"i love you too, heeseung."

—————————————————————————————————

monday

it was monday all over again, we were at the main lecture hall in our classes and the principal was giving a talk about what we should do for the next four days of school. i was seated two classes away from heeseung and he kept looking in my direction and chaewon had to keep flipping him off.

"stop that, chae, the principal's gonna—"

"kim chaewon."

i stiffled a laugh as chaewon sat up straight and smiled, "go on, sir."

at the side of my eye, i could see heeseung laughing uncontrollably to the point where he almost fell off his chair. the talk went on for hours and finally we all decided that we'd have a class outing tomorrow, a sports match on wednesday, a movie day on thursday and a farewell party on friday.

sounds really fun right? i also couldn't wait.

—————————————————————————————————

tuesday

today was class outing day. we had a small adventure egg hunt and the winner with the most eggs could win a prize over a hundred dollars, which was why everyone was literally rushing and running all around the school.

"princess!"

"heeseung!" he ran up to me and hugged me, lifting me off the ground as if i had just landed back in korea.

"why aren't you finding for the eggs?"

"it's just fun seeing our classmates run across school to find some stupid eggs. like look at chaewon and rei, so cute. i'm gonna miss everyone and everything here..."

"aw, princess, that's okay you know? we can always come back..."

"that's true.."

—————————————————————————————————

wednesday

sports match. we were free to pick whichever sport we wanted and i wanted to play volleyball but i was pulled by heeseung to play basketball with him. needless to say, i was pretty bad at it but i managed to get some goals, or pointers whatever you call them.

heeseung then challenged me to a duel and we had three teammates on each side. i picked chaewon and rei while he picked sunghoon and jungwon. they were winning but chaewon's very competitive... so we won, by a point. a mere point.

"you're better at this than i thought, chaewon."

"don't underestimate me, sunghoon."

—————————————————————————————————

thursday

second last day of seeing each other, well third last day if you count prom in. we were all in the main purpose hall with beanbags, sleeping bags and tents in the back everywhere spread across for the students to have access to more comfortable places while watching the movie.

"due to popular requests, we will be watching the conjuring."

let's just say, i was literally hiding either beside heeseung or deep into my sleeping bag. mostly screaming in heeseung's ear when loud sounds come on.

"don't be scared baby, nothing's happening yet— AHHHHH!"

yeah... not yet. the conjuring, i rate it a 5 out of ten.

—————————————————————————————————

friday

farewell party. what's there to explain right? we were in our classes and the teacher gave us a paper each to write down our two year experience of being a class together and what we liked about one another.

"i applied to seonsu high about two and a half years ago, thankfully i made it in. i mainly joined seonsu high because i heard good reviews on the dance team and i aspired to be a dancer so i got persuaded.

when i first joined seonsu high, i thought that i wouldn't really be able to make any friends because everyone was so selfish when i first came. i made friends only after my first week of school because nobody wanted to talk to me.

i met my friends, jungwon, hanni and changmin, one more girl but we won't speak on her. after ups and downs, i met heeseung, chaewon and rei. i love them all very much and i can't wait to see how far they'll progress in life. thankyou." i said as a few tears shed and i bowed ninety degrees, immediately running to chaewon and rei at the back of class to hug and cry together.

"i'll miss you guys, so so so, so much."

—————————————————————————————————

nineteen | chapters

a/n : and that's an end to the heeseung smau! i'm not really good at wrapping things up but hopefully this was not that bad :/ i hope that this smau was enjoyable and fun to read! i love and appreciate each and every one of you </3

i'll be writing a jungwon smau soon! do keep an eye out for that!~ with that, heeheesang is signing off from heeseung smau, slow dance. thank you everyone.

[achaiapelides]

Kit's Diary

Chapter 10

Dear Ty,

I didn't write anything last week because nothing exciting happened apart from Maria and Henry joining Sam, Leo and me at lunch.

You won't believe it, but I actually got the courage to ask Jem and Tessa to make an appointment with a therapist. They also agreed that a mundane therapist would probably be traumatised by my history, so they called one of the werewolves Hazel suggested and scheduled an appointment for me. Afterwards they also made an appointment with a doctor because of my bad breathing. But the appointment for that is next week, so I can't tell you much about it yet.

Yesterday I had the appointment with my therapist, who is an older lady, originally from Ecuador, and obviously a werewolf. Her name is Leah O'Sullivan and she makes you feel like you're talking to your grandma. After complaining about the "ignorant" Shadowhunters, who "always keep traumatising children, but refuse to give them therapists and just label them as crazy and put them in a hospital for the rest of their days" (I agree), she asked me to tell her about myself, or rather what I want her to know. I told her everything I told Hazel and the others, but after she ensured me that she won't tell anyone if I or someone I want to protect (you) did something illegal because then she would loose her job, I also told her about the thing with Livvy. I also thought about telling her that I am the First Heir, but I will probably ask Tessa and Jem first, if it's smart to do this. Then the appointment was already over and she gave me some "homework". She wants me to tell her about my life before I knew I was a Shadowhunter and about what I remember from my childhood at the appointment next week, so I'm supposed to write down everything that I can remember and want her to know, so I don't forget something that might be important. I also told her about the diary and she thought that it is a good idea to write down what I'm thinking about.

So, we planned a new appointment for next week and I went home. After dinner I wanted to write this entry, but fell asleep in the middle of it, so here I am, writing it today instead. Whoops. But now I have to stop because I need to to some reading for homework. With "some" I mean a text of 30 pages. Ugh.

Nevertheless, I hope you had a great day... or rather a great week and more motivation to do your homework than I do. I really should get started.

Lots of love,

Kit

Author's note:

Yes I'm still alive. I just had no time to continue this story as I had some exams. They were pretty easy (apart of Latin 🤮) and now I have a bit more free time. I still have to write a 15 page long work about Spartan Women for my seminar though and I'm as motivated as Kit is, I just need to read way more...

But that's not what I wanted to tell you, actually I just wanted to let you know that I never went to a therapist and also don't study anything psychology related, so I don't know what a therapy session is supposed to look like. I'm just guessing what might happen. If you notice that I describe something, that wouldn't happen in an actual therapy session, please feel welcome to correct me. Thank you 😁

[disizletzi]

Day 1 of my journaling year!  Happy New Year everyone!  I don’t want to clog everyone’s dash so I’ll put everything under a cut: 

I wasn’t in a great mood yesterday, and so I ended the year on a somewhat depressing note, because, as usual, I was alone for NYE, and as usual, I was thinking it was going to be cosy and nice and it ended up feeling pretty lonely.  This prompted me to go search google for an hour, to see what dating app was the best lol, but yeah, I didn’t register on any of them. I’m still scared of men who  jump on you with a sexual come on, and this is something that can be bordeline triggering for me. I guess I need to build a bit of confidence still, but it would be nice to spend the end of 2023 with someone. Here’s hoping!  I have been single for... ugh... 13 years? So it’s kind of difficult to imagine myself with someone. Giving my trust to a significant other is the toughest thing ever for me, so I think that’s why I’ve been alone for so long. Plus, I’ve been sleeping alone for a long while, I’m used to having my space!!  In other news, my car “broke down” on friday, which sucks, although the timing was good because I have a trip coming next week and I’m glad it won’t happen then because it would’ve been a huge problem. As it is, I was out with my aunts and some cousins, we went to see a play and on the way home my car started making the weirdest noises. Turns out it’s just usual wear and tear and I need to change the clutch system, because it’s old.  So I am carless for now, but I need to check with my mom’s boyfriend, who knows a lot about car, and I don’t think it should be that expensive. It just that the money I had set aside was for fixing my teeth, but, well... I guess it’ll have to wait a couple of months.  I also have been studying remotely for 3 years, to get a degree in English Lit (here in France the undergrad degree is 3 years), and the trip I was talking about that I need to be taking is to go the city where my university is and take the end of semester exams. Which means I had to take two weeks off from work. It’s been a pretty busy 3-year period tbh! I work 40hours a week, and I don’t know how but I managed to do this at the same time so I guess I can say I’m pretty proud of that. I’m also pretty excited about being done. I have to take these final exams and then the ones in May and I’ll be done.  I don’t think i’ll try for a graduate degree because the remote program doesn’t have a lot of options, and also, I’m tired lol.  So, I don’t like NY resolutions, but I do have a “year’s program” every year (because resolutions make me anxious, I feel like i /have/ to do them and when I don’t I feel guilty. A “program” is less guilt-ridden!): - I have to finish and get my degree (not worried about this one).  - I have to go to the gym more often: the goal is once a week for starters, to get used to it and find real pleasure in going there.  - I really have to finish my WIP that’s been on hold since august, I’m sorry to those of you who are reading it and waiting. Classes and work take all of my free time! - I want to write an original novel. The goal is to at least start it this year lmao! And this is it for today! I guess the 1st day of the year always brings a mood where I’m just reflecting on myself and making lists of stuff I would like to achieve (and not even half of them happen but if a few do it’s a good thing!).  I do wish you all who have read until now a very happy 2023. Let me know about your “program” if you have one! And see you tomorrow :D 

[alphabetblock]

ugh ugh i can already feel myself now wanting to do schoolwork later…. i got hella notes to finish and an essay due friday(which i have not started….) also i need to study for an exam friday as well. i work late today so maybe i’ll get smthn done. i accidentally stayed up way too late last night so i know i’ll regret it today. worried i’ll crash halfway thru the day so maybe i should wait to take my vyvanse until part way thru the day…. or would that just keep me up all night again

[bluesideism]

someone save him. 01 | jjk/kth

Jungkook is a procrastinator straight A student—rushing around to print his essay minutes before taking a test. Basically, he bumps into Taehyung and gets their essays swapped on accident, Taehyung getting a really good grade and Jungkook getting an awful one.

Namjoon sees Jungkook fly past the window. Ugh. Not again.

Namjoon turns to Yoongi and asks, “Don’t the second years have an essay due today?”

“Yeah, Yoongi says. “And a test too.”

Namjoon sighs. “When will he learn?”

Meanwhile, Jungkook is busy. He’s got an essay and an exam on the same day, and nothing could be worse for an unorganized try-hard. As soon as the teacher left for the restroom in the teacher’s lounge, he knew he was safe to go finish his work, bolting through the hallways.

Jungkook spots Namjoon outside the window of the library. He’s probably taking a walk before the third-years’ exam.

“Hyung!” Jungkook pants and calls out to Namjoon.

Namjoon just turns to him with a knowing look of annoyance, “I’m not printing anything for you while you prepare for your test. I’ll have you know that I also go to this school and I also have a test today.” Namjoon is satisfied with the nose scrunch and semi-defeated look on his friend’s face. He adds, “And I saw you writing that essay in class just now. 15 mins before this test you’re about to take, so this is really just your lowpoint kid. Maybe you should take this chance to start, I don’t know, preparing ahead of time?”

"Never." Jungkook gives a tight and slightly spiteful smile.

Namjoon turns on his heel, laughing softly to himself and shaking his head, “Oh, Jungkook. What are we going to do with you.”

Jungkook lets out a loud sigh and continues running towards the library.

Does this school have to have this many long hallways? And one too many unhelpful Namjoons?

The printer takes a horribly long time to print, seems slower than usual. He curses himself for staying up to study and yet forgetting to print or finish the many citations for his essay. But he’s confident about it. When has he not done well anyway?

He bolts out of the library as soon as the last page is stapled, his strides lengthening. It’s almost fun how fast he has to run to make this work. It’s like time is being pressed or condensed by his pure unorganized nature. But he’s actually enjoying the push and pull, the running towards his goals, turning the corner swiftly until-

Bam.

Until he was met with this. Slammed right into it, actually.

Ouch… Jungkook’s head hurts. And the right side of his body mostly does, too.

The other boy was also sprawled out on the floor, rubbing his head.

“I’m so sorry,” Jungkook starts. Flustered, he doesn’t meet the boy’s gaze.

“No, it’s fine,” the other boy says, voice deeper than Jungkook had imagined for a highschooler. The boy’s stuff was flung all over the place.

“Here, let me help you with that.” Jungkook starts to hurriedly help the boy pick up what he was carrying, and then finds, in the mix of papers, his essay sprawled out on the floor as well.

My essay. The test.

Jungkook picks it up with such force and vigor, he momentarily forgets about the pain of the impact. “Sorry again, but I have a test to ace,” Jungkook shouts behind him as he rushes forward.

When he makes it back to class, he’s met with a bit of awkward air as he’s pretty late. 10 minutes isn't his worst, but definitely not his best. The teacher clears her throat, “Mr. Jeon, I have asked you not to repeat this kind of behavior.”

“I am sorry,” he says bowing his head down and quickly brings the essay up to her desk.

“Name?” she raises an eyebrow.

He takes a pencil from the teacher's little cup of writing utensils. Hastily writing his name at the top of the essay in the neatest handwriting he can while writing this quickly, he thanks the teacher in his head for not being strict about MLA. She might be acting a little cold now, but this teacher definitely lets a handwritten name slide.

Her stern look softens when he gives her a small smile. She knows he tries hard.

Just in time. The test hasn’t started yet.

Jungkook plops down at a desk, pretty satisfied. One more minute of the teacher talking about test strategies, and she starts to hand out the tests.

That’s when someone opens the door to the classroom.

Who could be later than I was?

The intruder is a tall boy who looks sleepy behind his glasses and has his hood halfway up. He is the epitome of nonchalance.

“Mr. Kim Taehyung…” the teacher scolds. “You are…” she checks her watch, “almost 15 minutes late for class on the day of a test. What excuse do you have for yourself this time?”

Kim Taehyung? Jungkook thought. He had never met him, but he must be a second year too because he was obviously in the same class. He seemed to be a complete and utter disgrace already (not like he could really claim he was any more punctual).

Kim Taehyung stretches his neck and looks up at the teacher. “I’m sorry, Ms. Park. I just got caught in a little collision in the hallway.” His eyes glide over to where Jungkook is watching him intently.

The realization hits Jungkook and then a slight bit of annoyance. This is totally not my fault, I ran here and got in just fine.

Taehyung continues, “And the other person wouldn’t even help me pick up my stuff.”

Jungkook narrows his eyes immediately. Bitch.

“Anyway, my sincerest apologies for my failure to be punctual,” Taehyung finishes and takes a seat by the window. He sounds sarcastic and sleepy, yet a bit soft and—Jungkook hates to say it—cute.

The class proceeds with the test, and in an hour and 30 minutes, everyone piles out of the classroom. Another day, another A for Jeon Jungkook. If not for his extra cramming last night, he wouldn’t have known half the material on it, though.

“Yoongi-hyung!” He calls out across the hallway, running toward the figure slumped against the senior lockerbay.

“Jungkookie, what’s up?” Yoongi smiles at him.

“Just finished a test that all the second years took together. Stuffy room,” Jungkook says. “Ah, and I turned in that stupid essay. Thank god I’m done with that.”

“Namjoon and I both saw you running around and he told me he refused to help you.”

Jungkook raises both eyebrows to channel his inner innocence. “Isn’t he so mean?”

“Nah.” Yoongi ruffles his hair. “Serves you right for being such a procrastinator yet still ranking at the top of your class.”

Jungkook huffs, but smiles. He could never get tired of being told he was doing well in school. “Goodluck on your exams. They’re next week, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll need the luck."

Yoongi and Jungkook part, and as Jungkook heads to his next class, he sees Taehyung, the boy from before. Jungkook avoids him and goes the other way.

I got a WHAT.

“What the fuck.”

The little numbers flash back at him on the computer screen as if to say, yep. that’s right. look at us. They read: 64%.

Namjoon peers over his shoulder at the device in Jungkook’s hands, logged onto the school website. “What?”

Namjoon’s mouth flies open and he grins. “Damn! Finally! You’re learning to live.”

“Hyung no,” Jungkook groans, “This is serious.”

The commotion peaks Jimin and Yoongi’s interests, so they perk up in their current position—Jimin sitting on Yoongi’s lap—and stare at Jungkook like two cats.

Namjoon reads their minds and tells them, “Jungkook just got a god awful mark on his essay he turned in last week. It’s amazing. A phenomenon.”

“Shhh, hyung,” Jungkook speaks softly, “You don’t have to tell the entire cafeteria."

For the rest of lunch, Jungkook racks his brain thinking of what he could have done to deserve such a bad score. He had never gotten anything like this.

In the small break before his last class, he stops by Ms. Park’s room and asks if he can see his essay. She is about to take a phone call, but she’s nice enough to hand a straight-A student his paper back with a warm smile, then does a double take at the score.

She puts down the cell phone and says, “Mr. Jeon. This is exceptionally bad. I knew one day would come when your tardiness would affect your scores.” Her eyes soften. “Although I am a bit disappointed, I will allow you to revise it for partial credit.”

Jungkook is alarmed. That bad? he thinks. Even though it was done in a rush, he didn’t think it was that far off from his normal writing, which was all done in a rush anyway.

He nods curtly and thanks her before her phone rings, and she takes the call.

But as soon as he reads the first line, he knows something is very off. These aren’t his words. And in his chest he’s almost growling, Kim Taehyung.

[the---hermit]

Can you tell that I took these in two different day? Cause it's raining again today ugh. As a gardener very happy about it, as a human who should be productive not that happy at all.

31|05|2023

24/50 days of productivity

You've guessed it, it's another complain about the book I have to study day. I swear I am not this whiny usually, but this book is turning me into a monster. I did finish reading it, but now having to go through all the stuff I have highlighted to write notes seems like an even bigger struggle. I gave up when I wasn't even halfway into everything this afternoon. I will be working on it tomorrow morning, with hopefully a bit more energy, but it's really a struggle, and it's making me so mad? I haven't got this angry at something I had to do in a while. I can't believe this is happening, especially regarding a course on topics I like? I hate how this book is making me feel about my skills, I hate how hard I have to work on it and how much I am struggling with it. I have zero motivation, and my focus is non-existent. Even when back in March I had to read those two terrible books for another exam I didn't struggle this much. I know that tomorrow morning I'll be pissed at myself for not having done that much this afternoon but I really couldn't take it anymore.

Productivity:

read and highlighted the sixth chapter of the book I am studying

read and highlighted the last chapter of this behated book

started writing down notes for these last two chapters (the goal is to be done with everything tomorrow morning, and then to move on studying protohistory of the rest of this week)

updated my reading journal

listened to the latest episode of re:dracula

bare minimum practice of Irish on duolingo (and i got the monthly badge at the last minute, didn't i'd make it this month and yet)

Self care:

read first thing in the morning

tonight I'll go out for dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a while

📖: She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan (It is a crime that I have to study and I cannot binge read this because it's so addictive, and I am regretting not picking this up in the reset weekend I just did. I am loving everything about it so far and I cannot wait to continue reading it)