#ugh I hate living here
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i hope this sends 😦 i'm at a horse show rn so my data is fucking up!
since you like masked and anonymous bands, i'd totally recommend insane clown posse and ghost to you!! ghost is anonymous, icp is not
i'm also literally giggling at the build-a-bear idea, with the recordings... maybe it's just because of how rabid i am for a scottish accent. what kinds of messages do you think the boys would record for reader?
anyways, hope you're alright pookie!! newest chapter was beautiful as always, you keep my johnny obsession well and truly fed 💞
- 🪐
It sent!!! I did get it but I was half asleep when I saw it so I saved it for this morning. Still half asleep, but more awake than I was.
I love Ghost omg I just discovered them recently too but I am obsessed (hello religious trauma 🙃). I've never really been able to get into ICP, mostly because there's a juggalo gang where I live that is notoriously awful (which I know, not all juggalos are) but it just kind of gives me the ick. Which sucks because if there's one thing I love in this world, it's a clown.
I feel like all of them would leave some sweet messages, but I just know Johnny is slipping something lewd in there 😂 somehow, he'll make it happen. Price probably throws in reminders to take care of yourself too.
I'm alright. Dealing with landlord bullshit which is always fun 🙃 somehow it's my fault the neighbor purposefully left one of his puppies outside and it cried and barked and howled until 2 am and kept me awake.
#“at least you have the day off and can nap”#kindly go fuck yourself landlord#actually don't do it kindly#ugh I hate living here#answered
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dear ea stop making all ur worlds so american like even the ones that are meant to be inspired by other parts of the world are so so american. bring us attached houses. cramped neighbourhoods. or just houses that dont have an entire football fields worth of space around it. awkward flats above shops and houses that are seperated by alleyways. no matter what my sims feel so fortunate to have such a huge plot of land even if their house is small like its so isolating
#here in england at least having a house thats seperated /detached is SUPER rare like ur either very fortunate or u live in the country#like a cute scottish cottage ugh i love those#but aside from those old buildings u will not find detached housing and thats what i hate abt the sims 4 worlds so much.i miss ts2 apartment
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Me realising I have to actually write my whole fic and not just little paragraphs in between with no context: Fuck
#I have everything planned out#but the first part is SO BORING UGH#i just want to dissect their relationship and professional lives#and write about their parallels and how they grow and change over the span of their time together#but I have to sit here and write about the fourth of July#i say this like i didnt plan out that scene and CHOOSE to write it#still#not liking it#However this is my attempt at starting a fic and actually finishing it#said fic just so happens to be long as shit and spans roughly 30-ish years#I do this to myself#and then have to audacity to complain#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun 1986#yes I know I'm writing fic for a military propaganda movie when I hate the military#and America#*sigh*#the things you give up for a hyperfixation#fanfiction#fanfic
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Kidnapped (picked up by my mom) and being held against my will at the family function send help
#😭 I absolutely and wholeheartedly hate holidays I just wanna be home#Like home home where I have a room not my mom's house that I haven't lived in in years#😔 My cousins have all left and ugh 🙄 she (my mom) has this friend over and she's nice enough-#but her husband is here too and he was saying some sexist shit belittling women's soccer like GET OUT OF HERE YOU LOSER#😔 I would dip but transit to my dad's from here is 2 hours in the best case and it's cold out#Siiiiiggh#If anyone wants to ramble about absolutely anything on their mind in the tags take this as your cuuue
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Vent post
#ignore me lol#vent post#I am feeling extremely angry and frustrated and alienated#like of course I'm demotivated when I point out injustice and literally everyone just shrugs at me and tells me to get over it#“what are we gonna do about it”#put any thought into it whatsoever for starters#idk I want to give up#the same bitches that tell me not to kill myself are the same ones to vote my rights away#I hate living#I don't even get validation from participating in fan content anymore#im just anxious and feeling rejected all the time#except for like five very specific moots on here#but then I feel like a fucking failure for not knowing how to socialize or show them that I care without being weird and ugh#idk i'm tired#I feel like I put all this energy into making myself acceptable for everyone else and I go out of my way to be positive and compassionate#and then I get fuckall in return#post election blues ig#here's hoping I don't end up under a bridge#I think I would be a vastly different (better) person if everyone around me wasn't a bunch of complacent#selfish#wet blankets.#I'm getting really tired of being treated like I'm crazy for expecting better.#I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to hear that I need to get over it or that everything will be fine#it doesn't help or mean anything#things just get harder and harder and I'm just waiting around#I'm so srs if you read this far don't try to tell me nice things#im in an evil caustic mood and I will just continue pouring negativity in return
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I think I'm gonna try learning how to drive again, but I'm very anxious about it
#my dad is an excellent driver but he hates driving bc he thinks everyone else on the road is an idiot asshole#my mom is a very anxious driver and didnt learn until she was in her thirties#i want to try to get my license before i turn 30#bc not having a license has been severely limiting my life#i had my learners permit three years ago and i was like. im gonna learn. but then i drove on the actual road before i felt ready#and never drove again after that lol#and idk i work a $14/hr job bc i dont have any other opportunities within walking distance of my home#and if i want to go down a different career path ill need to drive - both to expand job opportunities and as part of the job requirements#and. ugh i wish i lived somewhere with public transportation so i wouldnt have to drive#but i dont and i think im stuck here for the foreseeable future. so i just gotta start learning again and this time stick with it
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HAUAIAIAIIAIA
I might just be in the throes of a sleep deprivation induced panic but… are u even saying baby
I am being so fr when I say what. is going on
#moots#i love my moots#asks#tysm for the ask!#ugh i hate it here#not with u guys#irl stuff#whatever I’ll live I think
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i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them
#also my mom told me some time ago that i'm really brave & i shouldn't give up#but i don't feel brave i feel tired#so basically i had three different jobs this year#first one i quit because i hated it & it was too chaotic#i got fired from the second one after over a month because apparently i was too nice#now the third one i know is just temporary because it's similar to the one i quit last year#and it's only because i need money so i can't stay jobless#my situation is kinda fucked up because i live here alone so i have to pay rent#and i really don't want to go back to my parents#i know i can but i wanna stay here#i've been working so hard to move to my favourite city and i want to start studies here this year i just can't give up#so i just took the job i didn't want#and i keep looking for something i might actually like#but god i'm tired#i feel like the biggest fucking failure#i just need a normal fucking job jesus why is it so hard#i don't want to work with customers anymore i hate people#and i also want to earn a little more money because trust me it's not that easy to live fucking alone#i mostly spend my money on food cause unfortunately i have to eat#but i'm not interested in just surviving i really want to start feeling alive again#ugh#talking shit for the hell of it*
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mm I feel the usual summer depression and anxiety coming to meee
#yeah it’s nearly summer here#yeah I get really dark thoughts#I think it’s because I have nothing to do and I get lonely#yeah I hang out with friends but imagine all year I’m HELLA busy and now I have nothing to do#and people don’t text me and I get anxious and then depressed#ugh I hate seasonal depression#hard af to move to live to enjoy#sasa rambles
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...
#hm. some choices to make tomorrow#bc i could ask my advisor if thr lab needs a tech this summer so i could get paid to make media and do transfers#but then im at risk of getting sucked back into school stuff#but if i dont then i have to find a different job which is scary. i mean im sure i could find something but ya kno#but i would be getting a job i could just not think abt it when i leave. which ive never had before#and im feeling a bit better now so im like fuck u give me challanges. ya kno?#my counselor thinks i should just go back to ohio for the summer and i could but i dunno#i feel like it would b harder to live with my dad all summer. i dunno. maybe i should. maybe not. i feel like i could do more here#im just sorta lacking purpose rn. ugh.#i mean here i can just walk more places so i could potentially get out more than i could in rural ohio#but that assumes i would actually go out. bleh. i hate this. gotta make annoying choices#but whatever. im just lucky that ive got enough saved up that im not gonna b in trouble not getting paid much over yhe summer#so. could be worse. just wish it was better#unrelated
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Something about Billy still running to that phonebooth and calling for help, even after being let down so many times...
He still had hope. The world turned its back on him long ago and he ended up dying to save it.
#HE WANTED HELP AND NO ONE HELPED HIM#except heather#my underrated queen ily#and el ofc#for him to STILL HAVE HOPE#UGH I HATE IT HERE#billy hargrove#late night posting#ch: billy hargrove#it is my personal opinion that#he did not want to die#he was tired of the life he was given#and he wanted out of that life#i know that feeling very well#you just want to kill off your personal hell so you can live in the heaven you were owed since birth
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apparently we're not out of the woods on holiday trauma responses just yet - i'm hoping we're on the tail end of it but like. good lord.
#this post brought to you by#dissociating so hard i had to quit playing magic#it wasn't that far into the game and i don't know wtf is going on with this but like. christ.#i'm so tired of having to come down from huge crying jags and panic and the fear of my mother coming to Get Me for not being Good Enough#like#what the fuck man#i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this#i thought i was DONE with the goo stage what do you MEAN there's more#cofronting has at least been less chaotic with only a couple people manning the helm at any given time#but like....christ alive can i just like. i don't know#how do you ask for vacation days off from your own brain? cause i'm exhausted man#i'm exhausted with this shit how is this the way i gotta go through life every day#like i could quit food service when i felt like this - and i did#but like. you can't opt out of your shifts in brain because that's where you live y'know?#ugh. i'm...something is wrong and i don't know what i did to fuck up this time but i don't like this#phrasing intentional to mean ''i have done an activity or action that has caused some sort of disruption in my brain that has made things#more difficult for myself due to brain chemistry and it has been relatively recently''#i don't think it's the meds i'm fairly certain it's the mental illness i already know about and am aware of it's just kicking up a fuss#because i don't enjoy this time of year and i won't start being Cool about things until january starts up properly#and there's always the risk it'll continue on through that due to other circumstances but i'm really hoping it'll just calm down#because the Threat of Christmas Celebration isn't imminent#(we *very* rarely celebrated past couchweek and that was usually involving a lot of travel so once january is here and Festivities die down#i'll start hopefully feeling more like a coherent person and not just a miserable ball of trauma)#anyway. i'm...gonna wait for dinner to be done and i can eat that and then maybe i schedule some i do not exist time to myself where#i just am in my room making no noise and pretending i don't exist but like it's a positive thing and not a negative one#because if i don't exist my ribs can't hurt and also the trauma can't gets me#(this is mostly a joke don't worry about it too much i rarely actually request Quiet Alone Time)#normally i just sorta Acquire it and vibe#until i am reminded i have a physical form and the world can inflict forces upon me
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Just caught up to bnha. What the FUCK
#so deku being optimistic and believing all people are redeemable. his one good trait. lead to shigaraki's soul being fully lost#and taken over by afo. who katsuki just died to supress.#so in being sympathetic to villains he not only a) failed to redeem the villain and b) killed the villain#but also c) revived a worse guy and d) made his best friend's sacrifice pointless#but also instead of fixing any of those things with rewind he gets his arms back or whatever. cool. nice#what is the message here I wonder#UGH I HATE IT HERE. BNHA IN REALITY WILL NEVER LIVE UP TO ITS POTENTIAL#BECAUSE WHAT GENUINELY READS AS A STRUCTURE FOR A CRITIQUE ON POLICE VIOLENCE IS TO HORIKOSHI JUST AN EXCUSE FOR COOL FIGHTS#COOL. C O O L#WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A COMMENTARY ON THE GLORIFICATION OF STATE VIOLENCE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES. IS INSTEAD#JUST A SHOW WHERE SOME KID GETS SCHOOLED ON THE FACT THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST EVIL I GUESS. AND ITS UP TO THE STATE™️ TO KILL THEM FOR IT#ALRIGHT. OKAY#bnha#tomura shigaraki#whatever. whatever#bnha spoilers
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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao
#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now#because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now#and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day#we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off#but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up#and this is also something that happens multiple times a day#like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god#but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach#'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit#and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good#his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before#also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career#opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc#and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now#i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma#and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own#it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down#about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life#and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done#and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this#that has been made PAINFULLY clear#ugh this is so fucking horrendous#what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person#who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life#like explain it to me jfc
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these guys aren't even paying rent to live in my head rn. rude ‼️
#i know i'm not drawing them 24/7 but i'm THINKING about them 24/7. that's what matters#ugh i hate them they're everything to me#limbus company#emil sinclair#emil sinclair lcb#yi sang#yi sang lcb#sangclair#lcb1101#idk if that tag lives on here. whatever#ship art#art tag
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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