#u taught me to not make myself small for others comfortability

[triggeringtommy]

thinking of u today angel i hope u know how loved u were / are

[tetskuro]

𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇

content: when kita falls ill, a very rare occurrence, you nurse him back to health.

warnings: fluff, timeskip!kita, gn!reader, established relationship

character(s): kita shinsuke

word count: 748

a/n: i started writing this back in july and took a break from it but it's finally finished! kita shinsuke i love u

Illness avoided Kita like the plague. Forget the legendary Iron Wall of Date Tech; when it came to blocking unwanted attacks from invaders, Kita's immune system stood undefeated. Sure, in his childhood years, he'd fallen sick a couple of times—maybe a mild cough here and a common cold there. But nothing ever lasted more than a few days. He was taught to always prioritize his health and maintain a steady pace, never pushing himself to the point of foolishly overworking.

But alas, Kita was human too, and even he couldn't evade the mortal travails of falling ill.

"Shin, you're burning up!" you exclaimed one evening, pressing the back of your hand to his clammy forehead and cheeks. When he had returned home after tending to his crops all day, you immediately noticed that his face was oddly flushed. And you weren't the cause—not this time at least.

"Felt an oncomin' fever late last night 'n I thought I could sleep it off," Kita admitted. "But it got worse today. I was just about ta make myself some tea 'n go rest." He sluggishly stepped towards the kitchen, his feet leaden with weariness.

"No," you stated, stopping him in his tracks. "You go get ready for bed, and I'll bring you tea. Chamomile, right?"

Kita looked like he was about to protest but wisely decided against it when he saw the resolute expression fixed on your features. Instead, he nodded wordlessly and headed to your shared bedroom. He peeled off his work clothes slowly, the aching sensation from the raging fever and toil of labor finally settling deep in his muscles and bones.

A few moments later once Kita had tucked himself under the covers, you entered the room with the promised tea in one hand and a damp washcloth in the other. His heart stuttered in his chest. In his feverish haze, you appeared as an angel to him—an otherworldly being sent from above whom he was honored to even lay eyes upon. The soft lamplight gave your figure a heavenly glow. Your movements were light, and your beauty was breathtaking. Kita wasn't an overly sappy person, but he thought he could be cured just by looking at you.

You sat down at the edge of the bed, and he gratefully accepted the mug of chamomile tea. He cradled the warmth in his hands and observed you over the rim of the mug.

"Thank ya, dear." Kita took small sips, careful not to burn his tongue.

Once you confirmed that Kita was as comfortable as he could be despite his fever, your mouth set into a thin, disapproving line. "You should've told me you weren't feeling well earlier. What if you had passed out in the middle of the field?" Concern was etched on your face, and Kita felt a wave of guilt wash over him. It wasn't fair to you, and the last thing he wanted to do was to make you worry.

"'m sorry," he expressed, sincerity evident in his eyes. "I didn't think it'd get this bad. It won't happen again."

Your features softened at his apology. "You always take care of me when I'm sick, so let me return the favor."

Brushing his hair back, you placed the damp cloth on his forehead. The cool water—and your gentle touch—did wonders for his pounding headache, a soothing feeling traveling throughout his entire body.

Apparently, sickness and drowsiness caused Kita's sentimentality to overflow. You knew he expressed affection in his own ways, typically through thoughtful gestures and everyday acts of service, but his current ailment made his words more unfiltered. Kita mumbled, "Darlin', yer too sweet to me. Yer an angel, y'know? What did I ever do ta deserve ya?"

Heat rose to your face at Kita's straightforwardness. "I could say the same for you," you replied and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Don't do that, yer gonna get sick too," he chastised, frowning at your impulsivity though his cheeks turned imperceptibly redder. Who knew Kita could be so adorable when he was sick?

"Get some rest," you whispered while fighting to hide a smile. Empty mug and washcloth in hand, you made sure Kita was snugly tucked in one last time before turning off the lights. "Goodnight, Shin."

The last thing Kita heard before falling asleep was your voice sweetly calling out to him. Mentally, he vowed to always take care of you in sickness and in health.

for more works, check out my masterlist

© tetskuro 2024. please do not repost or modify my work.

[saikoavd]

MY INTRO

Hellaww~ Please allow me to introduce myself. (Since I never introduce myself properly anywhere nsxjan)

I'm Sai, a self-taught artist, with the FACELESS/EYELESS art style. Yes, I didn't draw eyes because of something. Sometimes I didn't draw faces either. I hope you can respect my decision.

Kindly reminder, please DO NOT add eyes into my artworks nor edit it. Because it feels like somewhat you're disrespecting me😅 (it happened sometimes, pls don't do that). Even without eyes, I still tried to improve my skills so that my artworks still looks appealing and acceptable!

This is my safe space, I want to make a comfortable place here where I can shared my rkgk or unimportant stuff. So please consider it twice when you want to follow me.

Currently twst took my heart, but sometimes I'll talk and draw about other fandoms too, such as hololive, boboiboy, tasokare hotel (SEEC games), or even my OCs.

Ohh and one more thing, my English isn't pretty fluent, so I'm sorry if there's a grammatical error. My brain isn't braining sometimes 🤣

Here's my social media:

Twitter:

Instagram:

https://instagram.com/saikoavd

Thank you for always supporting me mwahhh🫶💜

(here I give u small Malmal clinging in the wall)

[hiperacid2]

A letter from one's aching heart.

╰┈➤ nanami kento x reader ･ﾟﾟ･｡ wc: ~600

╰┈➤ post shibuya 2018 incident, spoilers for the recent s2 ep (18), gender neutral!reader, angst, mostly hurt/small amounts of comfort, grief, unedited . ･ﾟﾟ･｡posted on ao3!! ･ﾟﾟ･｡ @bitchcraftinc ੈ♡˳

"I've lived and I've loved, I've drank bitter and cold coffee, and I've drunk it warm and sweet too. Lately the world lost its color, and with it the respite of love went away. Maybe it's still there, in the way I still cook, make coffee, load the laundry, buy takeout, and more; everything for two. I keep forgetting I'm going to wake up in an empty, cold bed, that my towels won't ever be warm again when I get out of the shower; sometimes I speak waiting for a response, but what answers me is the silence of a hollow house. I keep saying 'I'm home!' with a smile every once in a while, but then again, hollowness is all I get back. Sometimes I wonder if things could be different, if we could have had an eternity of warm embraces and late sunday mornings. Wondering is futile, you taught me that, what matters is the present, the now. There's days where I buy myself a flower bouquet and put it in your favorite vase, the one that I think is boring and dull, and other days I treat myself to a dinner date, always pouring something for you too; I hope you're enjoying that. Don't worry about me, I'm doing good, it seems I was prepared to live without you, it's so hard, but I'm doing good. Though I loathe the day your clothes stop having your smell, I keep spraying your cologne in your pillow, hoping that the smell brands itself in my brain. I've had no luck yet, maybe if I try harder I will achieve it. I hope you forgive me, but I made one of your ties my lucky charm that I tied to my bag, and I had to cut it in half, with the rest I made a bracelet which I use almost every day, hoping to have a piece of you with me always, at least physically. Maybe I will adopt that little kitten, the one you insisted I should stop feeding. His mama vanished, and he's doing relatively good by itself. But I have all this love inside me that is for you, overflowing and drowning me; it seems to like the charm made out of your tie because they always play with it when I put my bag down. Even when you're not around you still are a magnet of strays. …I am making this longer than I planned, maybe I will write you another letter next week, or when I feel ready. I hope you don't mind the ink a little smudged because I'm crying. With love, always and forever, until we meet in another life, Kento."

You carefully folded the letter, chest full of sobs and tears completely clouding your vision. Nestling the pen you just used against your chest carefully, it's weight heavy in your hands, is Nanami's favorite.

After calming down enough to move, you take the folded paper and move it next to the plain cream vase that now holds half wilted flowers, leaving it there, with the pen over it as a weight.

Grabbing your bag as you take a tissue from beside the door, you put on your shoes. The keys on the door jingle, a solitary keychain with now no pair dances. Closing the door, your next destination is the pet store, the kitten is going to need a lot of new things… absentmindedly you wonder what name would suit them as the sounds of the city engulf you.

╰┈➤ a/n: this has been rotting in my docs since SEPTEMBER !! i'm so happy to finally release it here into the wild, it's not much but im thinking about grief and him allllllll the time. thank u for reading!! ♡

reblogs are greatly appreciated

[faunabel]

anyway. vulnerable hours with faun again!! have fun being my public journal. below cut cause i ramble for a while but its not a vent really i'm just thinking thoughts that have been stuck in my brains. i hope maybe people who relate may read this and gain some insight from it.

so. a thing i've been healing from lately is my relationships with others. i'd always end up getting close to people who gave very little in return. and i'm very giving if u couldn't tell so i'd start to feel so drained and unloved. but i was naive, and i thought people saying they loved you meant it was true. and i've never been properly loved, so i had nothing healthy to base it off of.

i thought love was self destruction. i thought if i wasn't content with wearing myself down to nothing, i was selfish and not capable of loving others.

i also thought love was desperation. i thought being needed meant i was loved. so i'd attract people who were desperate, not for me but for the affection i provided, and when they inevitably left once i started to let my walls down (and stopped being this endlessly giving person with no flaws), i thought it meant i was unloveable. that i was the problem and needed to fix myself. so i'd break myself into even smaller pieces, trying to find out what was making me so unloveable so i could eradicate it.

but the reality is that those people never loved me. they loved the idea of me. they loved the void i filled in their hearts. but it was never me. never once an interest in who i was and what i stood for. it's the kind of thing where you feel like a god, and god's are worshipped, not loved. gods are given offerings for what they can provide, then cursed once those offerings are proven to be in vain.

i think having developed feelings for someone as i have now has helped me see this. because i'm so so fond of them. everything about them. the words they use. the way they speak. how they respond to things. the things they like and dislike. how they view the world through the lens of their own upbringing.

i just want to know everything. understand them better. and i think that's what love is. i've always thought and hoped and prayed that's what love is, but this has confirmed it for me. love is not what you can get out of someone. love is seeing someone for who they are, not who they Could Be, and wanting to celebrate that. they don't have to do anything for me to adore them.

and that's all i want for myself, too. i want to love and be loved. i want someone to care about me and the things i care about. to comfort me. to think fondly of me. to like my name and my favorite song and favorite color just because i like them. to, for once, not be the one who's taking care of everyone else and receiving nothing in return.

it's still hard to fully accept. i feel selfish. i fear being abandoned if i have nothing to offer, so i feel guilty for wanting to be loved back. like i'm contradicting my own desire and therefore don't deserve it. i've mostly processed this area, and i handle it much better than i used to, but it's still a sore subject.

i'm also trying to learn how to stop shutting down when people give me what i want. someone shows me affection and i just panic. my worry is when, when will it stop? what are their limits? when will they let me down like everyone else? and i frankly dont feel deserving of it. it forces me to look at the years of trauma and abuse i endured. if someone loves me, that contradicts everything i've been taught up until now. with my mother in particular, she'd claim she loves me then abuse me. she'd claim it as she was abusing me. i have to go against all of my instincts to run away and just... relax.

yet part of me wants to run away to see how much they really love me. do they mean it? or is it a false claim like it's always been? a small part of me has given up on love entirely. it's convinced we'll never actually be loved and should just accept a life of giving without receiving. i think that part is a small and very tired child who never got to be a child. after all, how can a child be a child when the world around them is chaos?

i still question my ability to be loved. but i'm trying very hard. there's nothing i want more than to love and be loved. and maybe it's ok for me to want to be loved. maybe it's ok for me to assert myself and not always cater to everyone else. it's something that has occured to me recently... how i read others' needs so easily and rush to fulfill them by instinct. but i don't have to do that? i can actually figure out a way to get both our needs met, and that's not selfish of me. there can be silence in the air. i don't have to be providing 24/7 just because i Can. and if someone really loves me... they'd want to compromise. they'd want to make me happy and accomodate. they'd go out of their way to please me, too. they'd want to give and not just receive. i wouldn't have to sit like a dog at the end of the dinner table waiting for scraps to drop.

but it's still weird. i can't imagine someone thinking of me fondly. caring about how i feel. taking interest in things i like. thinking of me when i'm not around. doing things for me out of love and not because they Want something from me. remembering details about me. accomodating for my needs. caring about my opinions. wanting to understand me and my world. wanting to be around me. especially when i'm sad or mad or anything not cheerful. not providing.

but it is something i want. and also... if someone loves me, it'd be doing them a disservice to keep them from loving me. even if that sounds insane to me. self absorbed, even. but then i also think about the person i have feelings for, and how i genuinely was crying one night because i wanted to show them affection but felt like i wasn't allowed to or supposed to. and it's like oh. it hurt me to not be able to love them so maybe there's something to this after all. maybe love is real. maybe even for me.

[gibblyxnoface]

Pt1. (The Villainess will prevail)

(Internal dialogue) My life is shit. By the age of 7 my mom died in a tragic car and truck accident. The doctors said it was because she had sustained to many injuries like broken bones, ligaments, cracked skull along with her eye knocked out of her skull and other internal injuries. But since that day my dad think otherwise that the accident was intentional. It was so traumatic to me as a child that my whole body was shaking from the anxiety and adrenaline, she was so unrecognizable and cold when I clung on to her deathbed at the hospital and cried to her hoping it was just a cruel joke and that she would wake up to comfort me and dad. Yet I never seen my father cry that hard that day as we cling on to each other. It broke my heart and my spirit and change my perspective on things. After that fateful day we both were pretty depressed for a very for years in elementary until high school I would start fights at school from people making fun or judging me let along look at me kids would say things what would make me see red “Nymeria mom died in an accident she had what was coming to her she’s nothing but a S L U T and now her dad is nothing but a widowed loser and a pathetic excuse of a dad” children like to twist up words therefore I correct what they say by making them not speak again which is how I had an infamous name at school “There is Nymeria the Mad dog” sometimes I would be called “Vixon” whenever I hear that name or anybody insulting my family I would beat them until my hands were bloody and would get suspended from school weeks at a time the teachers didn’t know what to do with me they would call me a delinquent and they would have parent conferences with my father which in his defense he would say that I was a good child at heart and that I was taught to always stick up for myself. My father on the other hand were gaining and losing jobs every month and on his off days he would drink away his sorrows and would be hungover the next day not able to show up to his job. Still affected by the lost of his beloved wife and my dear mother. Even when dad was struggling internally he would never like to show it as it was a sign of weakness in his eyes. He would still always be there for me as we work together through this trauma bond. In High-school things became a bit better for the both of us father father has a decent job but he never told me about what job it was and he wouldn’t say much but he would still support me in the best way he can, The only thing that is different is that every week he would make food and place it at mothers shrine as if she was still here and every month dad would still look at her photos in their family photo book. Me on the other hand love my mother but years have passed along with my grief and my slowly fading memories. Most of the few moments with my mother are all blurry except for the vivid memory of her in her deathbed. Currently, High-School is the same as always, boring. But I get the work done, not many people bothered me and a have a small group of friends that cares for me deeply. Knowing that they care make my heart feel light. Every once in awhile people would test my patience only for them to get beat up and me getting in trouble for it sometimes they would get payback and jump me. My delinquent side still hasn’t changed one bit since Elementary. I had a boyfriend at some point but I had to drop-kick his ass he only wanted me for my body and his attentiveness was short and never seemed to care about my presence or what I had to say so I kick his ass to the curve. I don’t have time for people who only want to waste my time. I won’t be doing relationships any time soon. One day I was Walking home from school and I received a phone call. It was a random unknown number me not thinking much I didn’t answer but then I would receive the same call from the same number and I gave in and decided to answer the phone to ease the mind of the other person that’s calling only to be in dread and disbelief. “Hello is this Amy from the hospital of human services I have bad news” (End)

[24hrfrog]

Thats it imma take all the tgm asian characters and adopt them

some headcanons for my kids (+ I’m basically just channeling my own family/friends/myself onto them <3)

They all have ethnic names period even if theyre not listed in the movie, they have them. (most of the time growing up asian american you will 100% have a name given to u by ur parents/family member/close family friend/grandparents, the only bad that comes out of that is only members of ur family use the name and are the only ones who can pronounce it most of the time and when it comes to papers u sign, u dont rlly include ur asian name bc its like a middle name and isint always necessarily which is p shit, we are given such American first names because they’re easy to pronounce when coming over :/)

Yale has a tradition of inviting flying friends over to his place for New Years for a Korean celebration and makes a seaweed soup thats always eaten for the new year! (something my own family does)

Yale taught Harvard Korean and always has Harvard tag along on Korean trips to visit family! They love Harvard and Harvard loves the food lolol!!! and them ofc!!!

Halo met Fritz first and they stuck together like glue being two of the few asians, when they met Yale they made their own little friend group (i think other pocs can relate, when being in a place where there are ppl who make u feel alienated, finding people who are the same as u is comfortable and its easier to relate to each other, at least in my experience)

Fritz has a small lil “asian glow” when drunk LOL meanwhile Yale is head to toe bright red 💀

Yale bought Halo (and later on Phoenix!!) a hanbok as a birthday present (she would look so pretty in one omg, a hanbok is a traditional korean clothing, they are rlly pretty, its like a flowy dress)

Halo incorporates Mandarin in her english

Yale has no siblings so he basically adopted Halo and Fritz to be like his family, he act like a big ol older brother to them, a lot of his own family is in S. Korea

When Fritz’s grandparents immigrated over, the ones taking down peoples names wrote his last name incorrectly as Avalone (this is a true story from my family, my last name is incorrectly spelled and hence its pronounced incorrectly as well honestly this hc can also go with Halo)

Fritz is the youngest of the three, Yale is the oldest

They all taught each other swear words in their language AHAH

Fritz has a younger sister who got him into kpop (lol my own sister) and he has a lot of photocards, Halo teases him about it even tho she herself is into a lot of jpop and cpop groups

Yale always picks up a kpop album for Fritz and his sister on his Korea trips! 💚

When Yale gets angry he rants in Korean (when someone talks super fast in korean its so entertaining, like speak ur truth bro hell yeah but also dont yell at me or ill cry MCNDJD)

Yale’s guilty pleasure is watching Chinese dramas, he and Halo’s mom get together and break down the latest episodes of their shows they bringe whenever he’s in town HAHA (i think Yale would be a hit with Fritz and Halo’s parents)

Fritz is re-learning some of his Mandarin from Halo since as a kid his parents didn’t enforce their languages onto him but he does know more Filipino!! (me shaking my fist at my own parents, i couldve been a fluent bilingual lol)

Sometimes on comms Yale and Harvard will switch to Korean and annoy their flying partner for fun AHAHA

[weaselbrownie]

U open for a req? Can you do Notice by Little Mix for a Draco smut? Really love your writing aaaaaaa 🙈🙈🙈

notice | d.m

draco malfoy x fem!reader

summary : it’s been a while since you’ve been intimate with draco and you are determine to change that

warning : NSFW! smut, swearing, degradation, praising, overstimulation, breeding kink (?) (lemme know if i missed any)

word count : 3.3k

a/n : feels like i’ve been dead but hopefully i’ll be consistent again :) also thank you for requesting and hopefully i didn’t mess this up 

MASTERLIST

You twist and turn in front of a big mirror that sits on the floor, smiling as your fingertips graze over your figure. Looking back through the mirror to see just the ends of your bed in the dimly lit room. You began to fix your hair into a low ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way of your robe. You looked over the mirror one final time to make sure everything is in place before marching to your boyfriend's dorm. Your reflection was a true beauty, standing so still in the cold atmosphere as the delicate white lace decorates your body, covering only the necessary bits.

Oh, he's gonna love this, or maybe not?

Lately, your relationship with Draco has taken a toll, nothing terrible but it's definitely something, an inconvenience if you will. Since the exams are coming up he has not been able to put down his book, perfecting his skills to come out on top of everyone else. Not that there's anything wrong with being ambitious– he is a Slytherin after all. It's just– he's been benching you to the sidelines, though he still gives you attention he's not giving you the attention that you need. Specific attention that only he can give to you.

The throbbing ache in between your legs has been kicking you in the guts for days and you have been so patient but tonight is the night you change things.

You quietly hum as you pick up your house robe to put on over your lingerie, walking delicately across your dorm as you opened your door, heading straight to the blonde's room. It wasn't a long walk and as you approach the door at the end of the corridor you didn't even bother to knock, slowly twisting the doorknob as you let yourself in.

Just as you predicted Draco is sitting by his desk, drowning in hundreds of parchments and textbooks. Like your dorm, his is also dark, only a little desk lamp to unveil his pale face. You were so quiet he didn't even notice you come in, and so you walk closer and closer to his sitting figure.

With every step, a new feature of his is brighter– clearer. How the top of his head is messy– probably from running his hands over it again and again. How his brows knit together as his eyes wander over the page of the book he's reading. How he bites his lips in between those perfect rows of teeth. Or how his long slender fingers toy with the edge of the paper– the veins running down his flexed arms– oh how much you've missed those fingers.

Right as you revealed yourself from the dark he looked up, his bright orbs meeting yours in the dark. He was happy you've come, you could tell by the way the corner of his lips twitches into a tiny smile he likes to hide– thinking you wouldn't notice them.

"I didn't hear you come in" He whispered as he extended his arms out to reach your hips– slowly pulling you closer to him.

"Well, you had your nose buried deep in those books" You replied with an identical tone, hushing to him in the dark.

Draco was about to set you on his lap before you stopped him, picking up your hand as your fingers grazed over his, grabbing onto it softly as you guided his hand onto your chest. You were halfway there before his hand froze,

"Not tonight darling, I've got a lot t–"

"When is it then Draco?" You snapped at him before he even got the chance to finish his sentence. Shocked at your reaction Draco's brows shot up, looking up at you as if you were an unsolved puzzle with a missing piece. "You're always busy studying! I put in all this effort into myself and– "

"Effort? Not to burst your bubble darling but you came exactly in a school robe, what effort?" He cut you off as you did with him seconds ago.

"You haven't even tried taking it off– oh for merlin's sake–" You continued to raise your voice as frustration takes over you, in which you ended up ripping off your robe– showing Draco everything that sits underneath.

From the way his eyes shot open to analyze every aspect of your body, you really thought he was going to put down his book for a second but everything comes crashing down as he parts his lips. "I'm still busy Y/N," He said as if you didn't just strip yourself in front of him.

He sighs as he continued to speak "Maybe if you go and sit down and be quiet like a good girl, I might just consider your little offer" He finished off his sentence.

"Consider? Oh, you've got to be fucking with me" You started again as the palm of your hands flew to your hips, right when you were about to open your mouth again an idea struck you. Maybe if– yeah that might just work.

"Dray please" Your figure softened as you pouted to him, showing him your big shiny eyes. "I miss you" You continued as you lowered yourself to his lap, your hands slithering around to the back of his neck as you move around in the spot.

"Later okay?" He replied as he kissed your nose.

Frustrated with him you shot out of his lap to stand straight. "Fine, I'll do it myself" You hissed at him as you stomped down to his neatly made bed. You continued your way to the bed as you heard Draco chuckle from behind. You knew he was enjoying this, toying you around on a string knowing he's the only one who could really get you there.

You sat right in the middle of his bed as you got comfortable on top of the heavy sheets. You had a few ideas and one of them has got to work, right?

You began to gently trace your hand from the top of your neck, slowly bringing it down to your collar bone and to the valley of your breast where each sat so beautifully on the cup of your lingerie. You squeezed your breasts ever so gently, drawing out the pleasure that comes with it.

You looked up to see Draco still reading his stupid books. You casually rolled your eyes as you continued your actions. With every movement, you imagined it to not be your own but rather the touch of the boy in front of you. How he would run his hands all over your body before ripping each piece of clothing off.

Your hand left your breasts to continue down to the heat in between your legs. Keeping all eyes on him, you slowly drew your legs apart, touching everything that could be reached before placing your cold fingers directly on top of your cunt.

You were soaked– your juices staining the outside of your underwear. Just then you began to put pressure into your fingers, slowly rubbing your clit through your underwear as you let the little moans slip out.

Draco tensed immediately upon hearing your voice, yet he continued to face the other way, keeping his eyes on the long pages of the book. You resumed your actions and moved your underwear to the side, goosebumps start to form on your arms as the cold wind hit your sopping cunt.

"It's not gonna work princess" Draco called out as he flipped a page. You knew that if you answered he was gonna win, and so you push and push until you could get to him.

Your moans and whimpers grew louder by the second as you worked your fingers faster on your clit, you knew it was starting to bother him, but you needed that one last push to really rail him.

"Oh– fuck" Your moans cut in parts as you found a sweet spot,

"Yes– Oh god Theo–"

The second his name slip past your lips Draco immediately stood up, throwing the book that was in his hand across the room, and sprinted towards you just to rip your fingers away. Right when he touched you, you could see flames behind his cold eyes, anger as you moaned out his best mate's name instead of his.

Draco didn't say anything at first, all you could see was his eyes, roughly as he took both your hands and pinned them right on top of your head on the headboard. "So this is how you're gonna play hm?" He asked as his face neared your own. He was so close that all you could smell was him, how his toxic scent of mint and citrus circles around the air as you inhale it.

You looked deep into his eyes, and you knew he would give you what you wanted all along. The air was thick around you as you didn't answer his previous question. All you could do was wait for him as he trapped you under his body and his strong gaze.

"I asked you a question Y/N, now where are the manners I taught you?" He asked as he slurred his words.

"Y-yes! I mean no or I–" You opened your mouth to answer him yet all that came out was blabber.

"Pathetic" Draco basically spat at you as he pinned your hands higher, making you sit straight rather than slouched down like you were earlier. "Open your fucking legs" He continues as you obeyed every order coming out of his mouth.

You slowly opened your legs as your wet cunt revealed itself, your underwear going to its original position to cover your heat. You could see your juices leaking down the side. You switched your gaze back to your boyfriend on top of you, a small smirk formed on the edge of his lips as he looked into your heat.

You stayed silent as Draco carefully picked out his next moves. Slowly he stroked your thighs higher and higher until he rested his palm right on top of where you needed him, he was so close yet so far away, and so it surprised you when all of sudden he delivered a hard smack onto your cunt, jolting your body awake as your back arches.

He didn't stop there, giving you exactly two more slaps before soothing the covered skin. Tears pooled on your bottom lashes as you looked at him, his eyes still bore into your sopping cunt and his hand strong as he kept both your hands in place.

Draco kept quiet as he slowly moved your panties to the side– exposing your burning cunt to him. Your hole clenches as the cold air swoops over it, the mixture of pain and pleasure clung onto you. Your body jolts once more as Draco gave your cunt another slap, right on your clit where you're most sensitive.

"Fucking Theo" Draco said, breaking the silence. His fingers slither around your cunt as he gathered all the widespread juices. Massaging your clit gently as you threw your head back. "You wanna go down to his dorm now? Show him how much of a cockwhore you are?" He said as each word went straight to your core.

You quickly shook your head but that wasn't good enough for him "Use your words" He spat as his hand broke away from your cunt to grab your face.

"N-no" You quickly said as he tightens his hand around your jaw,

"No who?" He asked once more

"N-no D-Draco," You said as you mentally cursed yourself for stuttering so much.

Draco stayed still for a second, looking deep into your eyes before letting go of your face just to shove his fingers up inside you. He didn't give you time to adjust as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

A loud moan escaped your mouth as you threw your head back and your eyes roll to the back of your head. The continued feeling of pain and pleasure didn't leave you as it got more intense from Draco's actions. His long and slender fingers worked themselves deep inside you, turning you into a puddle under his touch.

"Can Theo do this?" He asked through gritted teeth as he kept pumping his fingers in and out of your sopping cunt "Fucking answer me Y/N! Can Theo do this to you?" He snapped as you failed to answer his question once more.

"N-No he can't" You finally screamed out as he speeds up.

His fingers continued to assault your throbbing cunt as he felt every inch of you. How your walls tighten around him every few seconds due to how good he made you feel. The fact that it's been a while since you've done this adds to the pleasure, it feels exactly or even better than the first time he went down on you.

It wasn't long until you feel like you were about to burst. The tight coil starts to form at the pit of your stomach as Draco moved to kiss you down your neck. "This is what you wanted right?" Draco mumbled against your collar bone.

"Yes– please I'm so close" You moaned out loud once again.

You were right on the edge, screaming his name as the once silent room was now filled with the sound of your filthy moans and slick heat. Draco didn't have to do much to get you there and so he continues as you felt your walls tighten and your breath hitched. "Oh, I'm gonna cum– Draco fuck.."

Suddenly he stopped his actions, pulling his fingers out of you as you whined at the loss. "But as I remembered you wanted Theo, not me," He said as a smirk grew on the corner of his lips.

A feeling of panic grew within you as Draco started to get up, without thinking twice you grabbed onto his wrist keeping him from standing up, you got up on your knees as your face met his. "N-no no please, I only want you" You brought your hands up to cup his face as you peck his soft lips. "I'm sorry please–". The room fell into silence as you tremble in front of Draco. Just as you were about to speak again, he opened his mouth.

"Get on your hands and knees"

Your eyes widened as you slowly let go of his face, scrambling back onto the bed to get into position. You settled down as you faced the headboard, arching your back just like he taught you. You couldn't see him but you could hear the light shuffling behind you and soon the warmth of his hands on your hips.

"My poor baby, you want to come don't you?" Said Draco as his fingers work to slide your underwear down– the cold air meeting your open cunt once more. "Let's see if you deserve it" You jumped as you felt a tongue flat on your cunt, slithering around as it works down on you. It didn't take long for that one familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach to return.

You arched your back further, shoving yourself to him to finally reach orgasm yet he surprises you once more. You knew you were close but as soon as that feeling came you felt the loss of his tongue on you as the air filled his spot.

"Draco please– I'm sorry" You choked out as another orgasm was robbed from you. He didn't reply as he simply taps your lower back. Before you know it you felt the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance.

"Are you sorry though?" He said as the tip of his cock slips into you "For all, I know you're just a cock hungry whore" He continued as he pushed more of himself into you "Willing to take anyone to fuck you" His hands made way to your hips, gabbing onto them as he rammed the remaining of himself into you, forcing his way in– taking your breath away.

You felt every inch of him, ripping his way through you as the pain and pleasure continued to linger. Just as you were about to answer him, he abruptly pulled back and slammed into you, giving you merely seconds to adjust before repeating his actions.

Then and there he started to pound into you, taking all the air from your lungs. You felt him- his hand as one left your hips to grip your throat, slowly lifting you up so that your back meets his chest.

"You're mine..." He said as the grip on your throat tightens "...And I'm not sharing you with anyone" The feeling that was robbed from you twice started to come back. Your walls tighten as Draco's other hand snuck down to your clit, rubbing in fast motion as you struggled to keep still. "Did I make myself clear?"

You had a hard time processing his words as his cock and his fingers work on you "Y-Yes– Clear Draco" You spat out as the feeling becomes too overwhelming. You couldn't think straight but you knew you were close. Your moans became louder as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, the darkroom making you dizzy.

You could hear Draco talk and groan behind you but you couldn't register what he was saying. "I'm c-coming– Please can I cum?" You started to stutter as the feeling sits on the edge of your body. "Please Draco please can I– fuck" You lost your breath as he didn't slow down his movements.

"Go on then, show me how good you can be coming on my cock" He whispers into your ear as you let go. Your hands grabbing onto him as he helps you through your high, continuing the motion on your clit and pounding into you as the feeling grew stronger and stronger. His hand slowly unclasped your throat– letting the air flow through you again. He guided you through it all just like he always does but he doesn't stop there.

"D-Dray too much -p-please" You whined pathetically as he continued to rut into you, overstimulation started to take over you. Black spots started to appear at the edge of your vision and your consciousness started to slip.

"I'm not done darling– you wanted this so be a good girl and take it," He said in between groans as he speeds up once more. You continued to moan and whine as he reached his high.

Finally, his hips began to stutter, his thrusts becoming uneven as his breath hitched behind you. Draco held onto you as he was approaching, making you feel the warmest of love at the pit of your stomach. "Fuck Y/N" Draco groaned as one of his hands reached out to grip the headboard.

Soon you felt him come inside you, shooting white ropes of cum deep into you as he finally stops his movements completely.

His deep breathing could be heard from behind you as he slowly pulls out from behind you and guides you back down onto the mattress. "Hold it in" He whispered as he turned you to lay on your back.

You could feel your eyes stutter and Draco moving from somewhere above you. The warmth of his palm made contact with your skin as he glides them up and down the side of your legs. "Dray–" You whined as you could feel yourself returning from the fizzy headspace, moving around as you slowly sat upright before you were stopped by him once more.

"Oh no we're not done here," He said as a small smirk formed the edge of his lips. You wanted this, and now you will have to sit in for the whole night as you two caught up on what you've missed.

TAGLIST : @microwavedhampster @o-rion-sta-r @willowmores @whenuwereyoung

[clairecrive]

can u make a nikolai x reader based on the song mr perfectly fine by taylor swift?

Mr Perfectly fine

A/n: Ahh, thank to you friend, I've been jamming to this song every day lmao Hope I've done it justice x Also, I've left out some parts of the lyrics to make it better fit the story.

(if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist here)

for my other masterlists, you can find them on my navigation page

Word count: more than 7K (ikik it took a life of his own, what can I say)

Warnings: bit of fluff, angst (like a lot), character's death, spoiler if you haven't read Siege and Storm

Tagging: @jupiterandbutterflies (Thank you so much for your comment! I saw it and it made my day✨)

(I don't remember where I took this from so if you know pls lmk)

Most people knew of Nikolai Lanstov. He was a prince, the second born and the most charming. Most people knew him thanks to the countless rumours that went around at court: supposedly he was not of royal blood. "Sobachka" was what they called him.

No matter how though, everyone knew of the last Lanstov prince. But very little knew him.

Meeting him wasn't difficult. Since he had been of age, Nikolai had always been out of the Grand Palace and among people. He’d also volunteered to enlist in the first army, refusing any kind of special treatment and fought beside his brothers in arms in the infantry. That was part of the reason why everyone outside the court loved him so much.

Being Grisha meant that fighting in the Second Army was mandatory. Not that you minded. There was nothing you wanted more for your people than to finally be free. Also, that Shadow Fold needed to go and as the Darkling has always said, all efforts are necessary.

That’s how you met Nikolai the first time. Generally, the First and the Second Army were stationed in different parts of the campsite. Numerous quarrels between oprichniki and Grisha had rendered the separation necessary. However, you never liked crowds much and living in the Little Palace meant that you were always surrounded by people. So, every chance you had to draw away and be by yourself for a while, you took it. Also, being a Healer meant that you’d spent more time in your assigned tent taking care of soldiers than among them.

Word had gone around that everyone in need could come to you. Usually, you had been instructed by the Darkling that your powers were reserved for Grisha. However, what good was it to have the ability to cure people and only take care of a selected few that very rarely got seriously injured? Meanwhile, soldiers of the First Army often suffered from severe injuries, fatal gunshots or knife wounds. You could help them and possibly save their lives so why shouldn’t you?

That was why Nikolai found you one night. Sure at that point it was just another nameless soldier to you. He had never been in your tent before so you had never seen his face before. The boy whose arm he had draped on his shoulders though, was a usual visitor of yours.

“Oh, Petyr, what happened this time?” gesturing to his blond friend to lay him down on the table, you started gathering everything you needed. Not that you needed much but you had found out that Petyr was absolutely incapable of bearing having his bones or injuries in general repaired without having some kind of pain reliever before.

After a few tries, you came up with a herbal composition that dulled the pain but didn’t make him unconscious. Using kvas would mean that Petyr would be knocked out for a couple of hours. That would put him in trouble with his superiors.

“He’s a fool, that’s what happened.” The explanation came from his friend after he put him down gently. Despite his words, you could hear in his tone worry and guilt?

“If saving your life makes me a fool then go ahead and call me one,” Petyr huffed in pain.

“Who knew you were so brave, uh?” After quickly shredding the herbs you needed, you poured hot water on it and brought the cup to Petyr’s lips while helping him keep his head up.

“He’s the bravest of us all,”

“If I knew it took a bullet wound to make you hand out compliments so easily, I would have done it sooner.” Scoffed Petyr after sending you a thankful look.

“See? What did I tell you? A fool,” his friend said dramatically and you smiled amused at their playful banter.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with, shall we?” You said out loud to warn both Petyr and his friend. Letting them know what was about to happen was best, your experience taught you. Both for the person on the table that could brace themselves for what was about to happen and for the person with him that was filled with worry and cautiousness. Oprichniki didn’t trust Grisha that much.

After assessing the damage, you let out a relieved sigh as the bullet had gotten through and it had not hit any major artery. It had already got infected though, so you knew it would be a painful one to treat.

“So, did you receive any letters lately, Pety?” You ask, suggestively wiggling your eyebrows while your hands cover the wound. You had your eyes closed to better focus but you were sure that he had rolled his eyes.

“Only from my mum.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t write her back,” you said, opening your eye just in time to send him a glare.

“Ugh, not this again, y/n, please. Have mercy on me, I’m bleeding all over the table.” Petyr moaned making his friend snicker.

“You’re not bleeding all over the table and if you didn’t notice, I’m already taking care of you, am I not? That doesn’t excuse you for being an idiot, though.”

“Are you two in cahoots or something? It’s not fair. Wounded man over here.”

“Oh shut up.” Both you and his blond friend said at the same time. Petyr moaned once again and you sent a little amused smile to the blondie.

“Should I leave you with a cool battle scar? Maybe acting like a war hero will give you the balls to write to her.” You harmlessly threatened him but your hands were already reconnecting the tissue of his skin without letting it scar.

“I’ve told you, y/n. She deserves better than what I can give her. I am, who knows if I even make it home? I’d be only stringing her along.” Now Petyr was dead serious. It was true, you had talked about this often since he was a regular you got to know him better and he had soon told you about his sweet Katia.

While his friend chanted “fool” like a mantra in the background, you took his bloodied hand in yours, his wound fully healed.

“Petyr, how do you think she’s gonna react when she learns that there hasn’t been any delay to her letters but you’re just ignoring her? Besides, you should let her make this decision too. Who knows, she’ll surprise you.” Squeezing his hand you turned to let your words settle and to put away your utensils. You knew you had given him so much food for thought so you didn’t address the subject anymore. His friend helped him off the table and that’s when you noticed that he was injured too. He had a pretty nasty cut on his lower lip and there was already a bruise forming on his temple.

“Petyr, you can sit on my chair while I take care of your friend. You should be fine but for at least a while don’t stress your body.”

Mentally making a list of the things you need to tend to this kind of wound and where you kept them, you started collecting before heading back to them.

Petyr had sat down but his friend was still standing.

“You don’t have to lie down if you don’t want to, but unless you don’t want me to go take a ladder or something, it would be best if you sat on the table.” You gave him your best reassuring smile as you mixed the healing paste. Sometimes, men didn’t like to put themselves in a vulnerable position with someone they didn’t know and had learned to fear. He wasn’t that badly hurt and it would only take a couple of seconds to fix but not every oprichniki was comfortable with being healed by Grisha power. So the paste would do your job for you. It would take longer, sure and it would also sting a lot more but at least he’d be healed at last.

After looking at you for a little while, the blond man did as you instructed, giving you a dazzling smile in return when you settled between his legs to fix his cut.

“The name is Nikolai or handsome if you prefer.” It was not the first time a wounded soldier tried to flirt with you. IT didn’t bother you, you found them amusing more than anything and you knew it was the allure of someone taking care of them speaking more than any real interest.

“Let’s hope you won’t be around here much for me to learn your name.”

“I’ll have to find another way to make myself unforgettable then.” He winked at you before hopping off the table.

You didn’t address his words, only gave them the paste you had prepared. It would prevent any wound from being infected and would be able to cure small cuts and bruises if applied for a couple of days. With that, you sent them both on their way. Petyr waving you goodbye while Nikolai sent you another wink.

And so this was how it all started.

Mr. "Perfect face"

Mr. "Here to stay"

Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away"

Everything was right

Despite your fellow Grisha, military life could be a bit alienating. Which sounded like a paradox, sure, but everyone had their own way of processing trauma and emotions and of course there were plenty of those during the war. If the best way to come to terms with everything that happened was to distance yourself from others and try to find the solution in solitude, it could get to the point where you’d feel alone in a room full of people.

To get a little respite, you’d usually go on a long walk or resort to stargaze. Sometimes, depending on where you were posted, it wasn’t safe to leave the campsite. So, that’s how Nikolai found you one night. Even he had to take a breather once in a while. Being a different version of yourself based on who you’re interlocutor was must be exhausting. Of course, you didn’t know this. You knew nothing about Nikolai at that point if not that he was Petyr’s friend and a socialite, according to other soldiers.

He seemed to be at the centre of gossip no matter what group of people you found yourself with and there also seemed to be a consensus about him. Everyone liked him. Even if it was rare for some Grisha to appreciate oprichniki, you knew they somewhat respected him because if they didn’t praise him out loud, they didn’t speak ill of him either.

“Not a fan of crowds, are you?” he announced his presence before sitting down beside you.

“I love them, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel.”

“You do? Everyone seems to think you’re a socialite.”

“It’s what I want them to think but alas, I enjoy being more complex and multifaceted than that.” He lightly bumped your shoulder with his, eyes aflame with mischief.

“I bet.” you simply smirked. Despite how everyone seemed to think they knew him, you got the peculiar vibe from him, like there was a lot more to him than what he let everyone see.

“No one seems to know much about you.”

“Maybe you’ve talked to the wrong people.”

“Well, then I guess it’s better if I got straight to the source, don’t you think?”

“That will surely be a better start. Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for though.”

“We’ll see.”

That night had been the first of many. It had become a sort of an unspoken arrangement between the two of you. While it didn’t last long, you sensed that you got to know him better than everyone. There was something about late nights meetings under the stars that prompted deep and meaningful conversations. It wasn’t hard to form a solid bond with him after a few nights.

The conversations weren’t always personal in the conventional sense. You’d often stray and talk about the most bizarre things. Like why something had the name it had or how cool it’d be if it was possible to pass through surfaces, which led to imagine all the uncomfortable situations one could find themselves in if they were to simply go into a room through its wall.

Nikolai was witty, overly confident and ambitious and he knew a lot of things. You always wondered how he had learned them since he was so young and been in the army for a couple of years already. But Nikolai was never too forward on certain topics, his family and childhood being some of those. You understood, those were sore subjects for you too. So you never insisted. It was much more interesting to listen to him rumble about impossible future projects of his, like a flying ship.

"When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable." He’d say whenever you’d point it out to him. Somehow, despite the absolute absurdity of them, the sheer confidence that he seemed to constantly exude, made you consider the possibility of his success.

You got the distinct feeling that there was nothing this man couldn’t do.

But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart"

Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

But it's wonderful to see that you're okay

But, alas, as all things do, these encounters of yours also got to an end. You knew it would happen, you were both soldiers so your lives were both heavily characterised by uncertainty after all. However, you were not prepared for it to end so abruptly though. And without an apparent reason. Because Nikolai’s unit hadn’t been posted elsewhere and he hadn’t been fatally wounded. You would have heard of it were that the case. But it wasn’t.

You thought that he had come to cherish your nightly encounters too. Some of those had been full of his promises. How he’d love for you to be around when he’d eventually find the time to work on his ideas. How you had been a nice surprise, a most interesting person among so many dull idiots you were surrounded by every day. How he’d come to value your opinions and presence in his life and that he was going to find a way to make sure that that would never change. Promises that turned to be empty.

You had never allowed yourself to fully believe him. It wasn’t the first time that a boy had made the same kind of promises but Nikolai looked sincere. Honest enough to be believable. But, of course, you had been wrong.

You didn’t realise just how much you had come to rely on him until he was gone. You tried to keep your mind off him and luckily the perfect distraction came your way. The Darkling had scheduled an attack on the enemy’s army and had posted you to be on the field to take care of everyone promptly. You had never been more grateful to the man, even after he had given her a home and a purpose.

Ever since your first encounter with Nikolai, you had thought it had been a blessing. However, you had soon changed your mind and now considered a curse more than anything. Why? Because as soon as you got to the field you couldn’t help but scour the troops for a familiar mop of blond hair. Many looked like him and being this far you couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t one of them but you certainly despised the leap your heart made every time though. That was a distraction you couldn’t afford. Besides, it wasn’t smart to let your heart get involved in times of war.

The battle began, Inferni and Squallers were working together to impair the enemy’s visual so they couldn’t shoot or use their cannons while the First Army marched after them to swap in as soon as the air cleared to catch the enemy by surprise. While your role wasn’t active per se, you were a Corporalki after all, and even if you had been specifically trained as Healer, you had also got one of your friends to teach you the basics of an Heartrender’s work. You weren’t a powerful one but you could hold your ground in a fight. Especially since they weren’t expecting you. And you were still far from any real threat.

The battle dragged on and soon there were wounded soldiers that needed your attention. You hated this kind of work, it was messy and dirty and had to be quick because spending too much time on one soldier could mean dooming another to death. You were accustomed to it by now and soon found a rhythm focusing on ensuring everyone’s survival and not bothering with the aesthetic side of healing. That could be taken care of later if they wanted to.

As soon as your eyes fell onto a crouched figure you sprinted towards them. It was dirty and you didn’t recognize them but you got the feeling it was a life or death situation. Oh, how you wanted to be wrong.

The person crouching turned out to be Nikolai and he wasn’t alone. He was kneeling beside someone, Petyr.

“Where are you hurt?” you hurriedly asked as you tried to assess the damage. His uniform was dirty and full of blood but you couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Trying to answer you, Petyr opened his mouth only to let out the most gruesome gurgling sound as his respiratory tract was flooded by blood.

“He got shot in the gut.” Nikolai offered.

“Is the bullet still inside?” Opening his uniform jacket you tore a piece from his shirt to use it to put pressure on the wound.

“It’s too late,” Nikolai uttered.

“No.” You strongly refused as you removed the cloth and focused on the wound. His heart was straightening and he had already lost a lot of blood. If the bullet was still inside that it was going to be a problem, if it wasn’t then you still had a fighting chance.

“I removed it earlier.” So that was why he had lost so much blood. Nodding your head to show that you had heard him, you set out to stop the internal bleeding. Slowing his heartbeat so that it was pumping less blood and thus eased your endeavour. You were still in the middle of the field and while you were keeping up with the warfare but in the back of your mind, you registered the sounds of screaming and of gunshots getting closer. A bullet hit you in the shoulder propelling you forward over Petyr’s body. Grisha’s kefta were bulletproof so you weren’t worried for your incolumity but for the harsh movement you had made.

Leaning back, you heard Nikolai calling for you but your eyes were trained on Petyr. You tried to listen for his heartbeat but could only hear two instead of three. Nikolai, who had never left your side, immediately understood what had happened by the fall of your shoulders and the tensing of your hands.

He kept calling for you but the only thing you could focus on was that you had let your friend down. Now there will be one more family crying for a loss, another girl mourning a lost loved one. And it was all your fault. It was because of you that Petyr wouldn’t live to see another day, to write another letter or to fight another battle. It was on you.

The details of what happened next were a bit blurred. Someway you must have found your way back to the campsite. Whether you did on your own after tending to everyone else, you didn’t know. Your memories picked up after you woke up in your tent. Someone was calling your name, saying that the Darkling wanted to see you.

Mechanically you raised and made your way to the Darkling’s tent but your mind was elsewhere. Your thoughts were plagued by Petyr’s face, by that godforsaken sound he made when he tried to speak. The realisation that he was gone hit you like a wall of brick that would have made you stumble if you weren't’ sat in front of the Darkling’s desk. Whether he was speaking and stopped after seeing the forlorn look in your eyes or he hadn’t been speaking at all, you didn’t realize. You did hear him say that you were going to be posted somewhere. Under different circumstances you have said something, anything to not let him send you away. Your mind immediately went to Nikolai. You’d be leaving him behind along with the campsite.

However, you now realised that you had already lost him. Losing Petyr had been the last thing that had completely severed your bond. There was no turning back now and part of you was grateful.

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"

How's your heart after breaking mine?

I've been Miss "Misery" since your goodbye

And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine"

You couldn’t know, of course, but Nikolai had left not long after you did. Albeit for a different reason. He had finally earned the Major rank and as such, he took a step back from military life deciding that his skill would be better suited for a life on the sea. Assuring Ravka the supply she needed but in ways that weren’t exactly suitable for a prince but worked just fine for a privateer. And thus Sturmhond came to life.

As for you, you kept doing your job at your new post but were relieved when a letter came from the Darkling instructing that you were needed at the Little Palace. Part of you had relegated Nikolai to that part of your mind where the unmentionable was, however, a traitor thought whispered that maybe there was a chance that you could see him at the royal grounds. Sure, the possibilities were close to zero but it was still possible, right?

No.

You already were ashamed of the fact that you’re still suffering because of him. And yes, you missed him but you weren’t going to indulge the pathetic hope of seeing him again.

He doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he would have already found you. Or write you a letter if he couldn’t, but he didn’t.

You were right. You knew you were, nonetheless, the thought only brought you a bittersweet feeling.

You found the Little Palace just how you’d left it and yet it seemed changed in a way. The insane amount of work you found there waiting for you helped you drown the feeling that it was you that had changed.

Months passed this way, sometimes the Darkling would post you with him or outside the Little Palace. All in all, you’ve kept busy. When news of the little prince leaving the Palace reached you, you let it wash over you. It wasn’t like it mattered much, whether he was a few feet away or in another nation, Nikolai wasn’t part of your life either way.

When the whole expansion of the Fold happened, you were stationed at the Little Palace. Chaos and terror ensued as soon as the news reached the capital making most of the Grisha flee. Most of them went looking for the Darkling while others simply ran away and hid. You were amongst the first group.

Soon, your life was radically changed. The shift in the Darkling was palpable and it didn’t have anything to do with the scars on his face. You had tried your best to heal them and Genya to tailor them away but somehow, they could not be removed. It was an unsettling thing to realize that they didn’t take away his beauty. One could even say that they enhanced his attractiveness.

He was certainly more powerful. None of you knew what had happened in the Fold that day, just that the Sun Summoner had fled and that there were no survivors apart from him. However, as your journey in pursuit of Alina dragged on, you were soon witnesses of his newfound power.

The nichevo’ya, he called them.

He had always been immensely powerful. One of a kind. But this- this was different. And as dread settled among your group as you watched them in action, realisation sat heavily on your shoulders.

He soon found a trail and traced Alina in Novyi Zem and set out to reach the island by hiring Sturmhond’s crew. He was a famous pirate after all and despite his unreliability, the Darkling was sure that as long as he got his money, he wouldn't be a problem.

In the round trip, you didn’t see much of the captain anyway. Some members of his crew were amiable enough, particularly the Yul-Baatar twins. You had even asked Tamar to spar with you from time to time. Your lessons with Botnik were a distant memory and you knew that mastering combat training skills could increase your chance at survival.

When Alina and Mal were held captive though, that’s when Sturmhond made an appearance. He looked younger than you’d thought and there was something oddly familiar in the way he held himself. Still, you didn't talk with him much. Your job was to take care of Alina and so you spent most of your time in her room.

It wasn’t until the Darkling asked Mal to track Rusalye and consequently spent more time with Alina that you had a chance to talk with him. It was during one of your night shifts when he approached you, the Darkling had wanted some of his to always be patrolling the ship.

“What could possibly make a little thing like you be amidst this wretched company?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.”

“The thrill of adventure?”

“There’s plenty of it everywhere you go if you’re Grisha, even if you just go on a stroll.”

“Is that why you follow him?”

“I owe everything to him.”

“I’m sure you realize your role in this.”

“Of course I do. I’m not some naive girl who has a crush on her general.”

“Ah, so who, pray tell, do you have a crush on then, beautiful lady?”

“You’re certainly noisy for a pirate.”

“Privateer,” he corrected you, “there’s not much to do around here is it?”

“Not if you have everyone taking care of it, no.”

“Amuse me.”

“It isn’t wise to let the heart get involved in times of war.” That was all you were willing to share. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, the twinkle in his eyes was oddly familiar but he was a stranger. A dangerous one.

“Those sound like words spoken from experience.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, I’d say it’s no fun to only think about war. Life is so much more.”

“Believe me, if I could, it’d be the last thing on my mind. But, alas, l don’t have the privilege to do so.”

You had already lost too much time speaking with him. If someone were to see you or tell the Darkling you’d be in trouble. And you had made it your goal to never put yourself on the path of the Darkling’s anger. So you excused yourself and went back to your rounds.

If only you had stayed and talked to him more maybe you would have understood what was about to happen. Maybe you would have had an enkindling of Sturmhond’s plans. Instead, you were taken by surprise, just like everyone in your group, when Rusalye was spot and a shot was fired. You had found yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to fight against people you had grown to like.

“I don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” Tamar warned you as you stood face to face on the sinking ship dock. Her trusted axes in her hands while your hands were raised ready to attack.

“I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Then you don’t have to. Come with us.” Her proposition made you gasp.

“That would be treason,” you whispered hoping that the Darkling wasn’t around to hear you. A shiver ran through you as you thought of the punishment he’d give you for even thinking about leaving his side.

“Then you leave me no choice.” She said lowering her arms. Was that guilt you heard in her voice?

Before you could voice your question though, she shouted for her brother and not even a second later, you felt your body grow still. Your eyebrows faltered as you felt your heartbeat slow down.

They were Grisha.

They must have seen you realise because you heard Tamar apologize before everything went black.

Mr. "Never told me why"

He goes about his day

Forgets he ever even heard my name

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

You didn’t stay out for long though. As soon as Sturmhond’s crew had left the Darkling’s ship and had safely made it onto the Volkvolny, the privateer had asked for you to be awakened.

There wasn’t enough light for you to realize you were on another ship, what alerted you of your new situation were your hands. They had bound them behind your back. Immediately you started to struggle, hoping to wiggle out of the restraints. To no avail though. Huffing out in frustration, you settled for looking around you and see if there was something you could use. That’s when you noticed him.

“Release me- this instant, or else-”

“Or what? You’re a Healer. Not exactly a violent job, is it?” Sturmhond interrupted you, a smirk on his face since he had the upper hand.

“I don’t need my powers to kick you in the ass, do I?” He laughed but didn’t look remotely threatened. Rather amused, actually.

“Please, you have to let me go. He’ll kill me if-” Panic started to build as you realized that there was no way you could successfully escape.

“He won’t touch you.” A solemn glow took over his eyes. “He won’t ever hurt you again, you have my word.” He promised, looking subtly at your left shoulder. You winced as you realized that he must have seen your scars. The ones left by the Darkling’s niche’voya.

“How can I know if you’re trustworthy? You don’t exactly have a good score, you know?”

“You’re going to find out soon enough. Don’t worry.”

Of course, he didn’t bother offering further explanations. He’d left it at that. You weren’t a captive per se but he left your hands bound, only freeing them when you needed to eat or relieve yourself.

Fruitless were your efforts in making you tell more. He often ate with you and would check in at least twice a day but that was it.

It wasn’t until after you had landed after that forsaken vehicle of his had gotten you through the Fold that you understood. His coming out as Nikolai Lanstov, prince and second in line for the Ravkan throne, had shaken you all to your core. However, you doubted that it had sent a pang to the others’ hearts as it did with yours.

Nikolai Lantsov. The man you had been dreaming about, the one that had left you behind without any sort of explanations, the one you missed so dearly, had been by your side all this time.

You weren’t sure how you felt. It made sense now why his eyes looked familiar and his posture. You then connected that the vehicle you had used in the Fold had been one of the many projects he used to geek about with you. It tasted a lot like betrayal. Not because he had lied to you about his name but because he had tried to get close to you again and had managed to somehow break that growing bond again.

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

So dignified in your well-pressed suit

So strategized, all the eyes on you

Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"

So far above me in every sense

So far above feeling anything

Even if his secret had been outed thus causing some shift in the dynamics between Nikolai and the two new members of his crew - you suspected Mal was closer to punching him every second that passed- not much had changed for you.

On the outside, you pretty much looked like a prisoner. Albeit a very clean one. You rode with them, hands still bound, scowl ever-present on your face.

Nikolai had not come to see you ever since that night after the Fold. And now it had been almost a week since you had started your journey back to the capital. Whether this was all part of his plan to make you look the part of the captive even more or he was just gutless, you didn't know. It was working either way though.

You liked to think that his reason was simply that he didn't care. He had far too much on his plate right now as it was. Going back to court after years of absence while also making claims to the throne and trying to sway the Sun Summoner your way. It was no easy feat. But hadn't he always liked to say that impossible often meant improbable? A lot of things had changed since that night but even so, you'd still pose your bet on him that he'd be able to achieve anything he set his mind to.

It wasn't exactly that thinking this way brought you actual comfort. Of course, not. But it was better than foolishly hoping for him to still care about you the way you did for him. After all, he had sent plenty of signals that pointed in the other direction.

But then why did he kidnap you? Why take you with him? You weren't that close to the Darkling to be of any use to Nikolai in that way. And, as a matter of fact, no one had come to interrogate you regarding his plans or whereabouts. Then why?

You still couldn't figure it out.

Some days your anger shifted more to frustration and you were ounces away from asking for him yourself. Almost as if he had heard you though, he gave you the final push.

It was the usual day, Nikolai and Alina were riding in the carriage, stopping in every village we passed to meet with the locals. However, this time, before climbing back into the carriage, they kissed.

You were too far to figure out who started it and the details. The gist of it was enough though.

You most certainly were a fool. Still thinking about a guy who didn't give two shits about you, who had kidnapped you putting you in a dangerous situation and you were still wondering whether he felt something for you or not? Pathetic.

You had to do something about your situation and quickly too. Officially, you were a traitor. You had fled and joined the Darkling, that wouldn't make you look good in front of the king. He was a lousy bastard anyway and will probably sentence you to death to set an example. You hadn't survived so much shit to end up at the end of a rope.

So, even though you had initially thought against it since you were so close to home, you decided to escape. You were already headed towards certain death so what was the worst that could happen?

Your hands were left unbound when you were in your tent. One less problem to solve. Closing your eyes, you focused on listening for any nearby heartbeats. You heard two, those of the guards posted outside your tent. Maybe you could find an excuse to call them inside, put them to sleep and then slip away.

That was not exactly what your powers were for but you were desperate. You had to at least try.

And so you did. You called them in and immediately set out to slow their heartbeats. You had almost succeeded in putting them under when someone else slipped in. The last person you wanted to see.

"Am I that bad of a host?"

You didn't meet his ruse though, you knew it would make you lose focus.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to release my soldiers." As soon as he said it though, they fell unconscious at last. Your chest was heaving by now, using so much power in such a different way was costing you. But you couldn't back down now. It was one on one and you were Grisha and a woman scorned. He stood no chance.

"Move out of my way, your highness."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"You can or I can make you. Your choice." The venom in your voice was unmistakable and it took him by surprise. He gave you a curious look tilting his head to the side like he was seeing you for the first time over again.

"I didn't realize ruthlessness was one of your personality traits."

"You know nothing about me," you seethed. The tip of your fingers flexed, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and you were already weary.

"It may have been a while y/n, but I like to think I know a good deal about you."

"And I would like to completely erase this last year but you don't hear me yap about how shitty it has been, do you?"

"You never did like opening up much."

"I'm well past the point of sentimentalism, Nikolai. It is coming far too late anyway. And whatever my feelings for you may be, I won't let you put my life on the line." Your posture straightened, stance ready for battle.

His eyes flashed, jaw clenched. His hands closed in fists and he almost looked hurt. But why would he?

"Is that what you think all of this is?" Nikolai always acted aloof. He was always composed and dignified. You had thought it was for his insane amount of self-confidence but now you understood it was for how he was raised. But you recognised the pout on his lips. It was the expression he’d always have whenever he tried to get something from getting to him. To prevent himself from showing emotions.

"You're holding me captive while you go around Ravka parading your latest conquest, flashing your return everywhere. I don't know why you're doing this but I don't care. I've stopped waiting around for you and I certainly won't let your father put me to death."

"You think I'd let him?"

"So you want to do this?" you threw your hands up in exasperation, "Fine. You really want to know what I think?"

"Be my guest."

"I think that the Nikolai I knew would have left out of the blue without so much as a letter. I think that the Nikolai I knew was ready to go to any length to achieve what he believed in. However, I thought that the Nikolai I knew cared about me and what we had but look at me now. So maybe, I know nothing at all."

"You certainly do seem to know a lot of things. But you’re not wrong."

"If this is the way you care about me," I gesture to my tent, "then I'm not sure I want this Nikolai to care for me."

“This,” he said, emulating your gesture, “is to keep you safe. This is my way to ensure that if the Darkling got news of your whereabouts, he’d be sure not to think you willingly left his side and betrayed him.”

“That’s because I didn’t!” You raised your voice in outrage. The nerve of this man.

“Spare me your indignation. I know you hate being at his beck and call, to do his dirty work and be constantly surrounded by warfare.”

“Do not presume to speak for me.” You snapped. You knew it was best to keep a cool head but his cockiness was getting on your nerves.

“Didn’t you? Hate it, I mean.”

“We’re at war, Nikolai. Being away or close to the Darkling won’t change that. At least with him, I was safe.”

“You can’t be that delusional to think that he was protecting you.” He scoffed at your words as if they were the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

“And you can’t be that delusional to think that bringing me back won’t result in your father killing me.” You fired back shifting on your feet. He winced as if you had physically hurt him.

“You have so little faith in me?” His voice was just above a whisper and you knew that your words had struck a chord.

“How can I have any, Nikolai?” your voice softened a bit. “One day you’re telling me how much you value my opinion, you promise me a future where I’d be the first to see your project come to life and then you left. You just left, Nikolai.” And when I was starting to make my peace with it that’s when you come back? Also, let’s not forget about my abduction and your flirting with Alina.”

“So yes, I don’t trust you.” You concluded, crossing your arms on your chest with finality. He just stared at you for the longest time. If someone would come in now, they’d think you were in the middle of a staring contest. Then he sighed and started talking.

“I had to go away. I had already pushed my parents’ limits when I said I wanted to be part of the infantry. So, one day I got a letter written by my father personally and I knew that my time was up. I had been Nikolai for too long, now I had to start being a Lantsov prince.” His eyes were on the ground now, shame making her way in his words.

“So that’s what I did,” he went as he started pacing,”I went to Kerch to study, just like my father wanted. I did what he asked, he couldn’t reproach me anything now. I could never stay too still though, a life of adventure was calling me and I could not ignore it. It was only then that I realized that I could do so much more than sitting in a class, to realistically help Ravka.”

“I couldn’t take you with me. You had such a larger role to play in the army and besides, there wasn’t much I could offer you. So yes, I left. I left thinking that I would find my way back to you eventually.” He had stopped by now, regret was swirling in his shining orbs as he looked at you.

“You could have told me.” You contestated, taken back by all the information he gave you. “I would have waited for you.” A whispered promise for something that would never be now.

“I was afraid, y/n. That’s not my best moment, I know and no number of apologies could ever make it right. But I was afraid of your answer. I knew I’d be asking for a lot and let’s be honest-” the desperation in his tone was evident now, he had unconsciously started to lean towards you but you knew what he was about to say.

“You weren’t sure if the future you were offering me would just end up with me being your mistress, am I right?” Your tone hardened but despite the insulting implication of what you said, you weren’t made at him.

“I’m a prince, y/n. We do not marry for love and this country cannot afford to disregard the advantages that a political union could bring.”

His honesty was as refreshing as it was unsettling. He was right. As soon as you had learned he was a prince, you realized just what kind of future you could have with him. But then he left and that problem did not exist anymore. Neither of you spoke, both of you were seizing the other. You had laid it all out, defences were down putting you both in a vulnerable position.

And someday maybe you'll miss me

“You should have talked to me, Nikolai. We could have figured it out together. If it came to being your mistress to stay with you, then that was my decision to make.” You said softly after a while. It pained for you to say this, you would have never thought that getting closure would hurt this much.

Tears streamed on both of your faces, in front of you had been laid what your future could have looked like. It was everything you had wanted, you could still do your job and have the man of your dreams. You were surprised to find that you wouldn’t mind sharing him with his supposed wife. You had been at court for enough time to know how most marriages went. If he assured you it was only a diplomatic affair but that his heart was yours, that would have been enough. Who knows, maybe she’ll get a lover too.

But now… now you didn’t know if you could ignore everything that happened. You did not trust him nor could you ignore how hurt you were by his lack of communication and thus of trust in you.

But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons

| requested by anon: “uhhh kinda weird lmao but how would the moriarty bros react to an s/o from the future? (Headcanons) thanks! OwO” |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader

word count: 1355

tw: a few swears, if i’m missing any please let me know!

a/n: i’m so sorry that these are coming out so slow please enjoy!

william: 317 words

please

as soon as you wake up he’ll be staring at you intently

“where am i?”

“durham, england, 1880… and in my room”

it takes you like ten minutes to process everything that’s going on because: “i’m dreaming right??? or did i actually shift???

after finally accepting the fact you indeed did not shift and are not dreaming, you finally looked at the man who had stayed silent during your incoherent ramblings

“you seem more awake now, is it alright if i ask a few questions?”

hhh he’s such a gentleman

you both honestly take this whole time shift thing really well

louis definitely walks in on you two and he’s like,,

“who tf are you and how did you get in”

sdjkfhd pls its so funny when you guys converse

his speaking manner is so refined and yours is just,, yours

but he loves it

he thinks its cute

he comes up with a story for you because there were people who were no doubt going to question how you came into his life

and from there you two hit it off really well

accidentally said you two were to be wed during a conversation and the nobles went insane

when you are on the carriage ride back from the party he apologizes for saying something so out of line

“i wouldn’t mind being married to you, william.”

this man always has something to say but THIS

YOU

he wanted to respond with something witty but you just,, existed and made him melt

“let’s go buy a ring tomorrow then.”

asks you questions about the future

only trivial things, never if his plan works in the long term

but judging by the way you talk about your previous life he can tell that everyone is somewhat equal, except for “the dumbass politicians” you speak about

oh did i mention he picks up your swears too LMAO

louis: 459 words

 he’s heading back to his room when you come OUT of his room

“who tf are you, how did you get into this house, and why are you here”

instant kill mode

you think you’re dreaming so you’re like,, ok cool and you tell him most of your life story and he’s like

??????

has never been more dumbfounded in his life

who is this person and what are they wearing and why are they telling me their life story

eventually the rest of the moriarty team gets involved and matters are settled lmao

you all agree that staying in the manor is the best course of action at the moment

louis thinks you’re taking this a little too well so he’s still a little sus of you

like seriously,, the future?? cmon now

the people you’re working for probably made those weird clothes for you

but anyways

you’re helping him clean the house and cook

“this is fun,,, but honestly?? if i have to do this by myself everyday i would cry”

you keep saying this and you know it’s getting annoying for louis but he ISNT TALKING

if you can’t beat em, annoy em

finally gives in

“how did you used to wash clothes in the future?”

and you get this big smile on your face and you start TALKING

you’re so excited that he finally spoke to you

even tho you know you lowkey annoyed him

but you’re talking and louis is like,, huh

you’re talkative, but not annoying at all

you have little stories that make him laugh sometimes

needless to say you both get closer

but it isn’t until one night louis is making rounds around the manor that he passes by your room and hears crying

so he’s worried and he goes into your room

bruh you try pulling that shit where you wipe away your tears and be like “oh i’m okay!”

like,, no u aren’t

louis makes you spill what’s bothering you

“my friends, my family… are they okay? are they looking for me?? they must be so worried”

note that you’ve already been at the moriarty estate for about two months without any word that you can return to your own time

and louis holds you

he teaches you more about the year that you’re currently stuck in and he tries to take your mind off of the bad things

asks william to buy more books to indulge you bc you have some book withdrawals bc “WHAT DO YOU MEAN A TALE FOR THE TIME BEING HASNT BEEN PRINTED YET” followed by a short crying session

he’s a really good boyfriend

you taught him what a boyfriend was and he couldn’t stop thinking about how much society’s view on relationships changed

albert: 579 words

is walking down the streets at night when he sees you barreling down the road in your clothes

you look pretty scathed when you run right into him

“are you alright?”

you’re scared and out of breath but he’s wearing what you can only assume is a uniform of england

he takes you to his place and tries to calm you down

he asks you questions and you tell him everything straight out

you know you look crazy but you couldn’t bring yourself to care

you were just walking back from a friend’s place IN BROAD DAYLIGHT and you felt dizzy and you woke up alone in a dark alleyway

“where are you from?”

you obviously give him your city but he corrects himself

“what year are you from?”

“2019”

doesn’t want to believe you bc you’re all frantic and maybe insane

but your clothes just seem to different for him to brush off the possibility

tells you to sleep it off and gives you his bed

he’s already writing a letter to his brothers that he’s possibly coming back with someone

“ohoho brother albert has a suitor now?”

anyways, albert asks you more questions about your other life as you’re both on the train to durham

albert went out to buy you more fitting clothes before leaving and you couldn’t even repay him

but he tries to get you in a comfortable position so you don’t spiral again

but he’s genuinely nice about it when he finally accepts the fact that you are in fact from the future

funny enough, you both don’t get each others names until you get onto the train

“oh, my name is albert james moriarty”

and you’re briefly like “oh like sherlock’s nemesis” but then you remember that this is only the victorian era

sherlock holmes doesn’t exist, it’s just a coincidence

so you both get to the manor and he introduces you to the moriarty team and this is where you’re like,,

oh my God

this is real and i know the ending

you suddenly want to travel back further in time and never meet them bc they’re all really sweet towards you

and you got attached to them more than you should have

albert notices you’re a little tense so he makes small conversation to get your mind off of things

“i do like to play the piano”

bro

they have a piano delivered to the house to make you feel more comfortable and hopefully keep you occupied

itching and nostalgic (ironic), you play songs from rachmaninoff and joe hisaishi, despite it being from the future

everyone knows chopin so shhh

“that’s beautiful, did you compose that?”

“no, but another composer did, i don’t even think he exists yet”

you’re very adamant on keeping things the same

like,, no i’m not going to tell you how to create a washing machine because i don’t want to mess up the timeline if i do go back to the future

you do get very sad occasionally because you are homesick and being placed in a world where you have only heard stories of is very disorienting

but albert and the boys make up for it

albert always tries to be by your side and if he can get his hands on a piano sheet he’ll buy one for you and see if you already know it

it’s always nice to have them around, but you know the troubles you’ll eventually have to face

moriarty the patriot taglist: @zoehanji

[bbiemochi]

Hey love, if I may request..

Since I feel like hell right now, may I request for Diluc comforting his Fem!S/O when she completely breaks down after months of shouldering everything by herself? She's the kind to hide everything to herself and she always says "I'm alright." She pushes Diluc away but this time, he's had it. He's firm, yet gentle. Since young, she has been taught that her problems don't matter and this has been ingrained in her, that's why she doesn't ask for help, but instead is incredibly selfless when it comes to other people needing help.

This is very personal I'm sorry.. I just need some angst/comfort/fluff(?) right now. Thank you bby, you're the best. ❤

𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚠 | diluc ragnvindr x reader

[an]: hi el, have u eaten yet? if you haven’t pls do and drink lots of water <3 sorry for posting this late and pls remember that ily

summary: everyone can’t hold in forever, even for someone like you, and diluc always knew that.

pairing: diluc ragnvindr x reader

genre: angst, fluff at the end

warning: slight tw for reader’s parents

music to listen while reading:

***

you hated it.

you hated how much you needed help, even though you refused everyone’s concern towards you to avoid any trouble for them.

you hated how when you wanted to cry, you couldn’t find a reason to. you were raised in a strict yet wealthy household. your clan was a definition of a life of a wealthy tiger. full of buck in their eyes but strict. everything you do, they often praise you for your hardwork, yet you didn’t even wanted to do it. it was only for the sake of your parents, who rarely even care about you at all. so what was their sake for?

a prize with no use.

it was like winning a race yet they said that everyone’s a winner. it made you feel…disappointed of yourself. the things that you’ve been doing for the sake of others however for yourself, they weren’t justified. it had always been like this since you were a child.

“sharing your problems to others won’t fix the situation you are in,” your mother once told you while she was finishing up her pile of workload on her desk. you frowned, hugging your stuffed bunny close. “if you want to truly fix it, then think about it and keep it to yourself. they don’t matter much anyways to anyone. it will only cause the person you are sharing with more trouble. don’t make me repeat myself, y/n l/n of the l/n clan.”

your eyes were droopy from sobbing so much in your household bathroom earlier. you still had few more private lessons left to do by your tutor to truly extinguish the true meaning of what it’s like being a l/n member. it sucked for real, but you had no choice but to oblige. “lady y/n..” a knock at the bathroom door arrived, “your tutor is waiting for you downstairs. they said to please hurry it up in the bathroom.”

‘speak of the devil…’

“uhhh, tell them yeah i’ll be right downstairs, real quick…!” you answered back, wiping the small bits of tears off your face. there was silence before the maid outside the door questions once more; “milady are you alright in there?”

‘well fuck, what do you think?’

“i-i’m fine! don’t worry, just tell them that i’ll be there…!” you chimed, nervousness almost cracking over your voice while shouting those words without handing hints that you indeed not ok. “understood, lady y/n. i’ll make sure to inform your tutor,” and for a few seconds, you heard the maid’s footstep head off, and you let out a sigh of relief.

this…was getting really tiring. despite your knowledge stacked up like a bookshelf waiting the books to be read, your parents think that your potential to become the next head of the l/n family wasn’t ready just yet, and you were already in your 20’s. make this tutoring nonsense stop already, you were tired. you wanted to run away forever. well—this was the last lesson after all. and then maybe later you could relax near the fireplace. not worrying about anything else.

wiping your face off with a towel, you gently opened the door to head off downstairs. the vague scent of fresh baked pastries headed through your nostrils when you walked out, and you were wondering if your tutor had brought some baked-goods on their way here. you stumbled a bit down the stairs while taking a small peak from the tiny bit of holes the stair railways had.

on the table near the kitchen, there was seated a basket full of the pastries you were smelling. the scent was strong, and your mouth was watering from the delicious sight. did a guest from outside send those to your home?

“ah, lady y/n—just in time. a young man from the dawn winery left these bake goods earlier while you were in the bathroom,” the maid that was washing the dishes from the kitchen says, her eyes spotting you right at the staircase. “he says it’s a thank you gift for helping him out at angel’s share yesterday.”

‘diluc?’

“ah, that’s great to here…” you murmured heading downstairs in a hurry to look what was inside the basket. “they’re from the nearby bakery, milady. we could always fetch some there if you’d like.” the maid insisted. you waved your hand as a decline, “oh no it’s alright, no need to trouble you i’ll…” a sudden pause came to your throat…

‘i’ll thank diluc later.’

“i’ll head off to my lesson then…” you said, before heading off to the living room.

***

how in the hell did balancing became a matter to your family? was it really that important to become perfect? idiotic…

after almost a whole day of those nonsense lessons just to be perfect for your family, you were making your way down through the rain towards the dawn winery—feeling nothing while the rain pours down on your shivering figure, yet you paid no mind to it. it was always like this. you wanted to at least take a break for once.

your eyes traveled over the huge house in front of a large grape orchard, it smelled nice, you liked it a lot. you’ve always wished to have free time to travel around in mondstadt like this however of course…you can’t.

once you had made it to the winery, you knocked on the door, a little loudly over the pouring thunder behind.

no answer.

you knocked again.

and this time someone opened the door.

“yes?—oh! dear me! miss y/n you’re dripping cold!” the one who answered the door was adelinde, one of diluc’s maids. “what happened? hold on come inside i’ll let master diluc know you’re here, b-but please do dry yourself up before you watch a cold…!” she adds, you smiled at her. “it’s alright, adelinde. i just came here to thank diluc—

“of course, but miss y/n please come inside even for a while. the rain is hard right now and you’re going to catch a cold,” adelinde cuts you right off, grabbing a hold of your arms gently whilst pulling you inside.

“hillie grab a dry towel for our guest! moco, inform to master diluc that miss y/n is here…!”

“yes, miss adelinde!”

adelinde guided you to a comfortable chair, slowly and gently. the maid also knew who you are and were, after all a close friend of diluc’s is well-known to adelinde’s perspective, and one of them is including you. the older woman grabbed the towel that hillie handed over to her and then gave it to you, assuring you to wipe yourself dry. “thank you, adelinde…”

“miss y/n would you like me to prepare a warm bath for you?”

“oh no need to its ok…! i’ll just have a small talk with diluc then i’ll be on my way..!” you replied, a sheepish smile over your face. adelinde frowned, yet bowed and leaved you be to go and fetch you some snacks and some hot tea. while waiting, your eyes scanned down over to the pictures hanging over the winery’s walls—they were…very fancy? almost reminding you of the paintings in your home. just almost a little…dry. you had no idea how to describe it, thinking about it…you don’t know how to describe your emotions right now as well.

“y/n??”

your head turned to where the voice came from, and expectedly, you saw diluc standing from the top of the stairs, his face a bit surprised from your ‘wet’ arrival. the young male hurriedly rushed down the stairs, moco following by while his steps puddled over your drying figure. “hey, diluc,” you greeted, nonchalantly.

“y/n what the heck are you doing here? did you get caught up under the rain?” he questions, and you shyly nodded your head—thanking adelinde for the small meal she had brought over. “sorry for being here without notice. but i’m only here to thank you for the pastries you delivered over earlier.” you had spoken. diluc sighs, a hand over his face, “ah, it was only about that. y-you didn’t had to walk all the way here, you know? now look at you…” he sighs again, before looking over at his maids. “prepare her a warm bath, and please try to look for some extra clothes that may fit her.”

“yes, master diluc.”

“what?? no diluc it’s ok..! i’ll be heading off soon anyways…!”

“nonsense. with a look that says dripping wet, there’s no doubt you’ll get a heavy cold because of that…” diluc declines, crossing his arms. “besides, i wanted to ask you something as well…”

“oh…” you gently gripped the teacup in your palm, a small red dusting over your cheeks. same goes for diluc. the maids seem to also notice this. “is master diluc blushing…?”

“i think he is…!”

“ehem, you two.” adelinde stares sternly at moco and hillie who were gossiping once again. “i believe master diluc asked the both of you to prepare a warm bath and some clothes for miss y/n now did he?” the two maids shrieked. “s-sorry, miss adelinde…!!”

***

“you’re done?”

the towel that was wrapped behind your neck started to slide off when you saw diluc out of his usual black jacket, yet instead was wearing a white sleeved shirt and his fluffy red hair still tied into a ponytail. what a view. bashfully, you looked away, covering half of your face with the towel and your eyes scanning down on the floor. “uhh…y-yeah i am…”

“do the clothes fit? apologies i don’t have much fitted attire for you here…” the red head says, his hands tidying up the pile of papers he was filing. you shook your head, “oh no it’s quite alright…! the clothes are a fit for me anyways.”

“oh archons that’s good to hear…” the man reassuringly sighs, and on forward with cleaning his desk. with small steps, you walked over to sit down on his (surprisingly) huge bed—your hands still rubbing your wet dripping hair from the bath. “i’m a bit busy today, i apologize…”

“what are you apologizing for, idiot?” you laughed. “anyways, you didn’t had to go walk over to a bakery and buy me some pastries as a ‘thank you’ reward. it’s too sweet of you, diluc. really rare to see. no need for such formalities,” you told the lad, showing him a sweet smile over your face. diluc rolls his eyes before shoving in the last file in his shelf. “of course i need to show it. you were a big help yesterday while charles was on break. i don’t know what kind of proper ‘thank you’ i should propose but i guess that’s enough now is it?”

he stops for a moment, walking closer to your side. “besides, how can i just say a simple ‘thank you’ while you were busy with your lessons? that would be very improper of me to just bulge in if i may say.” your fists curled a little when he mentioned the lessons your parents forced you to take. yeah, memories were popping right back up. and you didn’t liked it one bit. you were here for some peace and quiet with someone you adored. why did he have to mention it at this state youre in?

“the maid also mentioned…” diluc began, and your eyes glued to the ground. “that she noticed that you don’t frequently enjoy your practices or lessons one bit. she’s worried, you know? if it isn’t my business to intrude then—

you cut diluc’s sentence short with a lively laugh. “i-it’s nothing really…! i didn’t notice that one of my maids would become worried of me because of that ahaha…” avoiding eye contact with the man in front of you, you fiddled playfully with your fingers. “it isn’t that much of a big deal i’m honest. it’s just that sometimes the lessons payed for me can get a bit…” you choked a little on your sentence, “…harsh…i guess i can see why the maids tend to worry about me. h-however it’s fine…!”

“are your tutors hurting you or anything?” diluc interrogated. you shook your head again with the sheepish in grin. “no, no, no…! not like that, diluc…! i mean like you know, strict perhaps? the amount of things i needed to do to perfect a simple lesson like i’m sort of princess…” diluc spots you balling your fists in frustration, and the man understands. to peek with someone like you, diluc notices how much your lively attitude had been starting to change ever since your parents planned you to become their next heir of your clan. it’s normal for you to feel irritated like this when your parents were the one who brought you to continue your family’s legacy.

he understands that quite well…but when you’re breaking down like this, there’s something that didn’t fit well with him there. “y/n, are…” he began to whisper, looking over at you with wide eyes.

“…are you crying?”

you snapped back to reality when you felt small teardrops begin to fall out of your eyes. what the hell…? and here you thought you could be able to make it without anyone noticing. yeah, why are you crying? your parents are providing everything for you after all! a huge house, food, things you need, even tutors to help you become the professional they needed, so why are you upset…?

there was no need to drag diluc into this mess you’re in. this was yours and yours alone. no need for others to intervene because of your problem. you were supposed to be raised perfectly as the next head of your clan. there was no time for damages like this to happen. “ah i’m sorry..!” you popped, and diluc shakes his head—his hand reaching out to hold yours. but you quickly pulled away. “y/n, what’s wrong?”

“nothing’s wrong i’m sorry i-uhh…just a little sensitive over these types of matters,” you replied with a cherry chuckle. the red head frowns even more. “i’m not believing that, y/n. what’s bothering you? is it something y-

“i said nothing’s wrong,” you cut him off—sternly this time. the young man was astonished by your sudden change of place in your actions as he watched you stand up. “i’ll head home now, i just wanna say thank you for the pastries and uhhh…lending me extra clothes…i’ll be on my way…” says you—walking towards the door. the silence felt like a a heavy soul pounding in your chests while you reached for the door’s handle. “is it something you don’t feel like telling me?”

“my problems don’t matter. it’ll be best if you stay out of it so you won’t get involved.”

“i don’t care if i’m involved with this matter you’re in. i care about how you’re going through this matter, y/n. so please…” diluc begs, holding your wrists to stop you from exiting his room, “tell me what’s the matter…”

archons, how you hated how diluc was able to crawl through your heart and mind. your feelings for the rich tycoon of the dawn winery were a big package—it hurts you to the bone. as more tears fell from your e/c eyes, you can feel diluc pulling you close to him from behind, his head laying on your shoulder while he listens to your small sobs that you desperately tried to hide from him. “i-i’m…” you were stammering. more drops begin to fall more…

you hated it.

you hated everything.

but you can’t just bring yourself to hate him.

slowly sinking down on your knees, diluc follows along your shaking and weak figure, still hugging you tight behind you—making sure you weren’t feeling alone. “shh…shh…” he hushes, hands now intertwining with yours from the hug. “it’s alright…it’s going to be alright…”

“how is it going to be alright? when everything’s just becoming worse and worse…?!!” you sobbed, and you feel him nod his head. “maybe not now but…it’s still going to be ahead of you…and this time…you’re not alone.” diluc was reassuring you that he was there…he was always there. when you tears are slowly disappearing from your eyes, you took a moment to hold tight onto his arms as he never stopped himself from hugging you nor letting you go. “stay strong, y/n…i know it’s going to be a tough road and you’ve been on it since forever probably but…it’s not over yet—this time i will be with you, and that’s a promise.”

you looked at diluc from behind, “a promise…? to what?”

and this time, the answer was a response that was made by the archons and celestia themselves when diluc smiled softly, pressing his forehead against yours. “a promise to cherish you and love you forever. do not fear about what’s going to be ahead, i promise that i will be there for you.” he hugs you close, breath fanning over your cheeks stained with tears, “and i’ll be there forever.”

you hope so. fighting alone was hard. but this time he was standing by your side.

there was nothing to hide anymore.

nothing.

***

a/n: HOLY SHIT THIS WAS POSTED SO LATE IM SO SO SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME I HATE SCHOOL TOO I HOPE U LOVE IT BB ILY

request are currently: closed :(

[everythingharrypotterblog]

charmed [7]: ‘night changes’ (remus lupin x reader)

a/n: i got rejected from my top choice university program today so if im gonna be unhappy, might as well make u guys happy and release parts 5 and 7

brief summary: y/n and remus are both teachers at hogwarts and this is his first transformation where he is under wolfsbane. y/n remains in human form as he transforms. werewolf or not, all y/n ever feels is him.

series summary: set in the prisoner of azkaban, including its major plot points. remus and y/n get hired by dumbledore last minute to teach at hogwarts, defense against the dark arts and charms respectively. not wanting the students to know they are married, they navigate the challenging year through hidden glances, hand holds underneath the table and loving moments in their offices. even with all their efforts to conceal their relationship, their chemistry does not go unnoticed by the student population of hogwarts, who grow fond of the pair as they offer them some of the best classes they’ve had in a while. their relationship as newlyweds is strengthened as teaching the next generation of wizards unlocks a sea of memories of their love story. for the second time in his life, remus holds hogwarts responsible for some of his happiest memories. he’s given the chance to create them with the love of his life, y/n, who has taught and continues to teach him that every part of him is lovable, remaining forever under her charm.

series masterlist here

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7.

previously, in part 1:

“No, you don’t understand, it’s incredibly, extremely dangerous for a human to be around a were-“ Remus had tried to say, before Y/N had stood up and with a crack, disappeared. A single white dove hovered where she had stood, its wings flapping slowly to stay afloat.

“Y/N?”

With a crack, Y/N had appeared again.

“I didn’t know you were an Animagus.”

Y/N grinned. 

“What, you thought James, Sirius and Peter were the only ones to ever succeed at it?”

Remus still grimaced, shaking his head and looking down.

“It’s still too dangerous, I won’t risk it. I couldn’t possibly think of hurting you, I’m too dangerous-“

“Remus, stop it. You didn’t hurt Peter as a rat back in the day, you wouldn’t hurt a flinging bird either. Plus, I got a serious height advantage on you anyway.” Y/N raised her eyebrows at him teasingly, transforming back again into the dove and flying up to the ceiling. Lupin wasn’t convinced.

“Y/N, you shouldn’t-“

The dove reappeared as Y/N and kneeled between Lupin’s legs, taking his face into her hands carefully. 

“Please? Let me be there for you. Let me try-“

“I-“ Remus winced in his crippling self-doubt.

“I promise, if I ever feel unsafe, I’ll fly away. I promise.”

Remus nodded. “I love you.”

Y/N was taken aback, but surged forward to press her lips against his.

“I love you too.”

It was the first time they had said that to each other.

+

The first full moon of the Hogwarts term was now but a day away. As it drew nearer, Remus got paler and grew more irritable, as it always was. 

The students never noticed, as he remained their kind Professor Lupin to them. Remus valued the staff and Dumbledore in extremely high regard, so he mainly kept to himself to avoid conflict.

However, his short temper was not 100% appeasable. 

He was presently in his office, leg anxiously bouncing. He couldn’t help but jitter as restless energy coursed through him. The door opened, and he  jerked his head in its direction, to see Y/N walk in, slightly anxious as well.

“Hi, love.” She said, making her way to him.

“He’s late.” Remus muttered.

“It’s Albus Dumbledore, what do you expect- maybe he had a Wizarding War in Luxembourg to stop before this or something.” Y/N joked, dragging a chair beside her and taking Remus’ hand.

His leg stopped bouncing. 

+

1980.

Remus sat in an armchair in the House of Black’s library, attempting to distract himself before the night would come, a transformation night.

Loud voices reverberated across the walls, and he usually wouldn’t have minded, but the full moon made him more irritable.

“Will you guys stop yelling!” He called out across the hallway to the room where James, Sirius and a couple other Order members were talking over each other.

Sirius shared a look with James and they shrugged, making a motion with their hand asking the others to lower their voices.

“Hi, guys!” In came Y/N’s voice, as she walked through the door after a day of work, setting down her jacket. She joined the table for a few snacks, before inquiring, “Where’s Remus?”

“Ah, in the library.” James said mindlessly, shuffling the pack of cards they were playing with. He spotted Y/N head for that direction, and attempted to add, “But I wouldn’t disturb him if I were-“

But Y/N already walked in the library, wanting to see her boyfriend. She found him buried in a book, sitting slightly uncomfortably in his clothes, as if his body was having pre-transformation aches.

“Hi, love.” She said gently.

Remus peered up from his book and instantly smiled, uncrossing his legs and patting at his lap. Y/N took a seat on him, and he wrapped his arms around her comfortably.

“How was work?” He grumbled, mouth kissing up her arm and shoulder.

“Oh, just the usual.”

He listened to her talk about her day, hugging her as she sat in his lap.

James heard faint sounds of their light voices from the other room, and laughed. Sirius shook his head, both of them amused by their friend’s drastic change in demeanor.

“Little fucker.”

+

Dumbledore appeared in Remus’ office not long after Y/N joined, with a goblet of familiar-looking blue smoke.

“Remus, Y/N. I took the liberty of bringing you your last dose myself, Severus has already done so much. So, you wanted to talk about the logistics of your upcoming transformation.”

Remus nodded, leaning forward and taking the potion.

“This is your first time with Wolfsbane, so we cannot be sure on how it will affect you. However, I trust that it has been brewed properly, so it should do its function, which is to maintain your mental state when you transform.”

“So technically, he could just stay and hide here in his office and wait for the night to be over?” Y/N asked Dumbledore, thumb rubbing over Remus’ hand.

“Yes. If the potion has been brewed correctly, which I am sure it has, Remus should transform into nothing but a harmless wolf. Of course, because this is your first time, if you still wish to go outside and-“

“Yes.” Remus interjected, once he finished the last of the potion. “I wish to still use the Whomping Willow, just to avoid all potential risk.”

“Very well.” Dumbledore smiled, bowing his head. “I have complete trust in you, so you do as you please.”

“And I should… I won’t forget who I am, I won’t lose my mind?” Remus asked.

“No.” Dumbledore confirmed. “Your mental state will stay intact.”

“Then, I can technically be in human form with him.” Y/N gasped as the idea jumped into her head. She was immediately met with startled looks from both Dumbledore and Remus, Dumbledore merely intrigued and Remus looking downright terrified. “I mean, I could be with him. Me, a human.” She added hastily.

Glancing at Remus’ fervently opposed look, Dumbledore merely stood up.

“I will leave that between you two to discuss. Goodnight, and good luck.” He said. “Oh! And one more thing.”

His eyes twinkled. “I hear talk amongst the students since the start of term. About you two.”

Remus and Y/N looked at each other nervously.

“Something about spotting their Charms and Defence teachers always being present in each other’s offices…”

Y/N mouth dropped in shock, trying to figure out how students could even know where they spent their nights, before Dumbledore laughed heartily, shaking his head.

“I kid, I kid, I have heard nothing of the sort. All that has reached my ears are the raving comments about your classes and subjects. Keep up the good work, Professors.” Dumbledore chuckled, and vanished into the fireplace.

Y/N stared dumbfounded at the spot he disappeared, before letting out a laugh.

“I-“ She blinked. “He is so weird, and can you believe, I almost let slip that I’m an Animagus-“

She stopped once she looked at her husband, whose expression was grave.

“Wha-“

“You cannot stay in human form with me.” He shook his head.

Y/N stayed silent for a second. “Why not? If this potion works, and we know it will, your-“

“We can’t be too sure!” Remus sighed. “Werewolves, we hunt for humans. We look for victims to bite, to… to-“

“If the potion doesn’t work, then I’ll just transform into a dove, like always.”

Remus met her eyes in a worried gaze.

“I’ve been a bird countless of times on your transformations, you’re still gonna let me do that, are you?” Y/N raised her eyebrows. “You even said, werewolves look for humans, animal companions are harmless-“

“Which is exactly why you can’t be in human form, darling! The extreme danger that would put you in, you have no idea.”

“I have no idea?” Y/N pursed her lips, instinctively reaching out to her bicep, on which lay a tiny white scar.

Remus glanced at it too, with almost hatred and remorse in his eyes, as he sighed, hand tracing over it and kissing it.

+

“Maybe you should transform right now, my love.” Remus said anxiously as he, Y/N, James, Sirius and Peter walked through an abandoned part of the woods.

The sky was dark, and the clouds radiated a faint shimmer indicating the full moon would appear soon.

“I won’t transform until I absolutely need to.” Y/N said firmly, hand holding onto Remus’ tightly.

“She’ll follow our lead, Moony, don’t worry.” Sirius said.

Unintentionally, they stopped at a small hill, deeming the timing to be right.

“Y/N, it’s not too late, you could just Disapparate away, I-“ Remus said to Y/N.

“Remus. Stop. I’m not scared.” Y/N smiled at him, cupping his cheek. “You’re still you. And I love you, all parts of you. Nothing will change that, or you and me.”

Remus nodded, breathing quickly and pulled her in for a kiss, before the other Marauders beckoned Y/N to back away slightly as the moon started to peak.

The night changed in an instant.

The opal orb shone in the sky and in the moonlight, Y/N watched as Remus’ tall silhouette trembled, his body morphing into a werewolf.

Y/N was in awe. His body lengthened. His shoulders were hunching. Hair sprouted visibly from his head and neck and his hands curled into clawed paws. Straightening up, he howled to the sky, the sound echoing into the rest of the night.

Y/N’s mind went blank. The Marauders had transformed as she kept her eye on Remus. For a second, the werewolf’s eyes met hers, but before she could do anything, he lunged for her.

Adrenaline shot through her body as the werewolf made a swipe towards her, a big black dog jumping in between them just in time for Remus’ sharp claw to slightly graze her shoulder before she transformed with a crack, into a dove and flew up, batting her wings.

+

“I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.” Remus whispered painfully, finger tracing over the small permanent scratch near Y/N’s shoulder.

“But I’m fine.” Y/N pursed her lips, eyes looking into Remus’ face imploringly. “Because I knew that it wasn’t you. And after the night ended, you cared for me so tenderly and lovingly. Gently. Because that is the real you.”

+

Remus soaked a warm towel for the millionth time as he sat Y/N on the toilet next to the sink to tend the small scratch she had acquired from him.

“Rem, it’s okay, do you realize that I’ve broken literal bones before! This is nothing.” Y/N said, letting him clean the patch of skin before taking both of his hands in hers. He kneeled in between her legs.

“I could never forgive myself for this, I’m so sorry-“

“Please. In the best way possible, shut up.” Y/N smiled, eyes welling up at the unnecessary look of remorse plaguing Remus’ face. “That wasn’t you. And nothing that I saw or felt last night changes who you are to me now.”

“You don’t…see me as a monster? You don’t even feel a tiny bit scared being with me right now?” Remus teared up.

Y/N smiled, eyes crinkling and letting tears fall down her cheeks. “I just feel you.”

+

Y/N woke up from her nap the night of the full moon to find Remus’ side of the bed empty. Eventually, she had gotten Remus to agree to let her accompany him as she always did, but in human form this time.

Getting up, she spotted Remus already at the door. She crossed her arms.

“Are you running away?” Y/N frowned, her husband jumping at getting caught.

“No, I-I figured I’d head out earlier.”

Y/N walked towards him, squeezing his shoulders.

“We talked about this. It’ll be okay.” Y/N reassured him. She saw the fear still in his eyes but he nodded, blinking some away and reaching to get Y/N’s coat for her.

They walked in the chilly night air, making their way to the Forest. Although this felt completely new, they had never done this at Hogwarts and they were expecting new results tonight, there was also a sense of déjà-vu present in the air.

Y/N had been helping Remus with every one of his transformations during their entire marriage and before, ever since she was 18. It’s been almost 13 years that they were in this together.

We're only gettin' older, baby

And I've been thinkin' about it lately

“Thank you for being here.” Remus said, squeezing her hand. “And I don’t just mean tonight.”

Y/N squeezed it back tightly, beaming at him. The moon was close to being fully out, and they stopped on a small hill overlooking Hagrid’s Hut where it would appear in full view.

Does it ever drive you crazy

Just how fast the night changes?

“Remember, if I make any sudden moves, you transform on the spot, okay?” Remus looked down at her, eyes full of conviction. Y/N nodded.

They both stood there, waiting, anticipation through the roof. They felt nauseous, from nervousness. The clouds began to fade, and more moonlight shined onto them. Slowly, they let go of each other’s hands and took a couple steps back from each other.

Everything that you've ever dreamed of

Disappearing when you wake up

The first beam of light hit Remus as the full moon emerged.

But there's nothing to be afraid of

Even when the night changes

His neck began elongating, thick hair growing from his head and covering his back. His shoulders hunched as he grew taller, breaking through the material of his clothes. 

It will never change, baby

Y/N watched from a short distance as Remus morphed into a towering creature. Her incantation was ready in her head, just in case she had to transform into the dove.

It will never change, baby

Slowly, the full-fledge werewolf straightened up from its hunched over position. His eyes met Y/N’s and her body tensed, remembering. Instead of lunging at her, he sat down, his human-like eyes expressing gentleness. Y/N took a tiny step towards him.

“Remus?” She said, voice trembling.

The werewolf nodded.

Taking steps closer, she shakily got down onto her knees to join him on the ground. She lifted a hand, tentatively, and inch by inch, approached it to cup his cheek. At the contact, they both breathed out in relief.

“I just feel you.” Y/N smiled, tears flowing from her eyes.

It will never change me and you.

to be continued

a/n: as always i’d love to hear what u thought or what ud like to see of the series:)

tags @bicyhot1  @pink-hufflepuff  @legitlaughingflamingo @brod16  @gerardonmyway  @blueleonor  @suranne-doesstuff  @rxmusblxck  @spxllcxstxr  @littleemo477  @just12randomfandoms  @svnkissdd  @norrreee  @m4r13l3y  @jess6578  @rorysreallyrandom  @the-nightingale-not-the-lark  @archeve19  @wolfstarslovechild  @pan-pride-12  @x4kai4x  @chrrybmb-mp3  @reggieluna  @happyslittlekitten  @missemilygilmore  @all-things-fictional @strangefirething  @abitofeverythinggg  @yeahshewayout  @imfreeeeeee123  @harold-pothead  @lunnybunny12  @ellieblack11  @tugabooos  @joyfulbiscuit  @justonemorechapter07 @wonderwoman292  @skateb0red  @secretsthathauntus  @siriusblackswhoree  @sabonbonn  @untraveled-road  @annabeljareau  @valiantobservationkitty @diffbeanofbrand  @theeicedamericano​  @spencerreidlove  @flannellover67  @wishiwasdeadric  @becks7401​  @katsav17  @emmy-kitty13  @purritoqueen  @girl22334  @monicafebyana​  @talsiaa​  @sierrax023​  @axva03  @uhh-dk  @nataliahgrace​  

[crowfootwrites]

Safety [Nestor Oceteva x Reader]

Get ready for some danger and comfort, because I couldn't help myself! This one is longer than what I've been posting, because I'm a wordy bitch.

Warnings: graphic depictions of guns, violence, and blood (sorry 'bout it!); language

Words: 2,210

You tried to keep your expression unreadable as you clenched your hands in your lap below the table. The man sitting across from you glowered, his anger rolling off of him in waves, a steely grey pistol resting on the table just within his reach. The late afternoon sun pouring into your breakfast nook glinted off the barrel threateningly. Your heart thudded in your chest, blood pumping thunderously in your ears. You bit the inside of your bottom lip to keep it from trembling and giving you away. If there was one thing you had learned from Nestor, it was to show no fear.

But you were afraid. Very much so. This man had somehow managed to get into your house without you noticing, sneaking up on you as folded laundry, that same pistol pressed between your shoulder blades. He had commanded you to sit at the table across from him, not allowing you to ask questions. So, you still had no idea who he was or what he wanted. He seemed to be waiting for something. As you sat quietly across from him, you fervently memorized his features. His dark hair and at least a couple of days’ worth of stubble. The fresh scar, the healed skin still shiny, that traced across his temple, from eyebrow to ear. The murderous look flashing in his brown eyes. His burner flip phone buzzed briefly on the table and he answered it, never taking his eyes off you. You silently berated yourself as he growled Spanish commands into the phone. Nestor had been so adamant about your safety; the two of you had installed a high-tech security system on your shared home, he had taught you how to shoot, and there were various weapons scattered throughout the house. But since you had been caught unsuspectingly, you never got the chance to get your hands on one.

Your knuckles were starting to hurt from clenching your hands, so you took a calming breath and placed your sweating palms on your thighs, staring gravely back at the man across from you. After a few minutes, he snapped his phone shut and grabbed yours off the kitchen counter just behind him. He picked up the firearm and aimed it at you and you shifted in your seat, desperately wishing to put some distance between you and the dark heart of the barrel. He slid your phone across the table, and it came to rest in front of you. At his touch, the screen had lit up, displaying a smiling selfie of you and Nestor at your birthday last year. Your sinuses throbbed as you tried to keep your tears back. No fear, Nestor’s voice rang in your ears.

“Llámalo (call him),” the man spat, his voice gravelly.

You picked up the phone quickly, trying to disguise the trembling in your fingers. You swiped the phone open and clicked on Nestor’s speed-dial icon.

He answered on the second ring.

“¿Qué pasa, abejita (What’s up, little bee?)?” he greeted you, unsuspecting.

“Nes?” You tried to tame the panic in your voice, and thought you had done a pretty good job, but Nestor had always been incredibly perceptive.

“What’s wrong, baby? What’s going on?” His tone had changed from your one word and you could practically see the furrowing of his brows on the other end of the line.

You took a quick breath to quell the panic climbing up your throat. “Hay un hombre aquí. Tiene u– una arma. No sé lo que quiere. (There’s a man here. He has a – a gun. I don’t know what he wants.)”

You heard Nestor’s furious growl just as your captor held out his hand. “Dámelo (Give it to me),” he commanded, and Nestor heard it too. Before you could pull the phone from your ear, Nestor was murmuring, “No te preocupes, mi amor (Don’t worry, my love.). I’ve got you.”

You handed your phone over and waited as the man across from you discussed something with Nestor in low, ferocious tones. Before you could wrap your head around what was happening, the man had hung up the phone and lowered his weapon back to the table.

“Now we wait,” he announced, and you leaned back slightly in your chair, praying that Nestor could get here quickly. You didn’t know exactly what this was about, but you would have bet money that it was cartel business, and that this pendejo was using you to get to Nestor, to get to Miguel. It was an approach that Nestor had obviously thought of, considering how much he tried to secure you and your home. As you waited, you tried to remind yourself that this wasn’t your fault. That you could never anticipate all the ways someone could get in and harm you. But you were both terrified and fuming, pissed that someone had gotten the upper hand on you.

The man across from you had to keep eyes on you, and his gaze was incredibly unnerving, so you kept your head down, examining the wood grain on the table in front of you. The house was still, but the inside of your head was pulsing. You had no way of knowing how much time had passed when the smallest noise caught your attention. Except for a quirk of your eyebrow, you stayed completely still, not wanting to give anything away. The noise had come from the very back of the house, the smallest creak on the hardwood floor. The man made no moves and you hoped that meant he hadn’t heard it.

Moments later, you heard keys in the lock on the front door. Your captor grabbed his gun and aimed it at you again.

“Levántate (Stand up),” he growled, and you quickly rose to your feet as he surged around the table to stand behind you, grabbing you roughly around your waist. He pressed the muzzle of the pistol snug against your temple, the cold metal biting, and held you in front of him like a shield. You couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped your lips. In that moment, Nestor came around the corner of the hallway and into the room, his .45 dangling from one finger in the trigger ring, his hands up in a surrender position. His suit jacket was gone, and you could see that both sides of his shoulder holster were empty. In his other hand was a thick manila envelope.

The look on his face was one you had never seen before, outrage etched into every line and plane of his countenance.

The man behind you barked, “Stop!” and Nestor halted in the doorway. His eyes met yours briefly, before he brought his attention back to the situation at hand.

“I have your money,” Nestor announced, his jaw clenched, and you could hear in his voice the effort he was making to placate the man holding his girlfriend hostage. “You don’t have any need for her now,” Nestor rationalized. “Let her go.”

“Gun on the ground,” the man demanded, and Nestor complied, slowly lowering his weapon to the floor and nudging it away from him with the toe of his dress shoe.

As he rose back to standing, the man motioned to the table with his chin. “Money on the table, ahora (now),” he ground out, much too close to your ear.

Somewhere, behind the blood pounding in your eardrums, you heard another small creak behind you. Your captor had positioned both of you with your backs to the hallway that lead to the back of your house, to a guest bedroom and the backyard. Wanting to make sure no one else heard it, you whimpered again, keeping their focus on you. Nestor glanced your way, worry in his eyes, as he slowly tossed the manila envelope onto your kitchen table. His gaze shifted back to the man behind you, every muscle in his body tensed, waiting for what would happen next.

What happened next happened in a matter of seconds. The man did not, in fact, let you go, but in order to grab the envelope, he pulled the muzzle away from your head. Perhaps because Nestor was unarmed, and you hadn’t put up a fight thus far, he figured he was secure.

He was not.

As he pulled his weapon away from your head and leaned slightly away from you to grab the envelope, a deafening shot rang out. Your eyes slammed shut in response, just as you felt the hot splatter of blood against your check and neck. The world went silent and when you opened your eyes again, just moments later, Nestor was already beside you, pulling you into his arms. You could see his lips moving, speaking to you, but the only thing you could hear now was a resounding, high-pitched ringing. You shook your head slightly at Nestor, not understanding, and he grasped your face in his hands, keeping you turned towards him, not letting you look around at the carnage you imagined laid around you.

As your brain struggled to piece together what happened, you felt your knees start to weaken under you. All of the adrenaline that had kept you going through this ordeal was rapidly fading, and you could feel a collapse coming. You threw your arms around Nestor’s neck, and he grabbed you before you fell, lifting you and carrying you gently to the couch. He sat down heavily, and you draped yourself over his lap, finally allowing the tears to slip down your cheeks and onto his patterned dress shirt. He ran his fingers slowly through your hair soothingly, his forehead pressed against the same temple that a gun had been pressed to just minutes ago. The significance of that was not lost on you.

You slid a hand up to cup Nestor’s cheek, running a thumb along his jaw for a moment before wrapping your fingers around one of his braids, tugging it gently to keep him close. You weren’t sure how long the two of you stayed like that, Nestor’s warm hands trailing up and down your back as you calmed yourself. The ringing in your ear quieted gradually and you could hear a few things, primarily, the sounds of someone in the other room.

You shifted in Nestor’s lap and he glanced up at you, a heartbreaking look in his brown eyes.

“What happened? ¿Le disparaste (Did you shoot him?)?” you asked, your throat scratchy.

Nestor shook his head and his arms tightened around you slightly. “That was Eddie, one of my guys. I had him come in through the back.” His voice came out a little garbled, like you were underwater.

You nodded numbly. “What did that guy want?”

“Galindo money,” Nestor growled, fury distorting his face. “He was going to kill you over some pinche dinero (fucking money).” He sounded like he almost couldn’t believe it. But you did. After all, their whole livelihoods revolved around money.

“I’m ok, Nestor,” you promised. “Just a little shaken up. Mostly I’m mad at myself.”

Nestor blinked at you in surprise. “Mad at yourself? For what?”

“I don’t know how he got in without me noticing, and I’m mad that I didn’t get a chance to grab my Glock. I’m mad that I didn’t fight back.”

Nestor sighed heavily, that heartbroken look returning to his eyes. “Abejita (little bee), you survived, that’s all that matters. He didn’t want you, he wanted Mikey’s money. Keeping your head down was the right choice. You did good, mi amor (my love).”

You sighed, exhaling the air you’d been holding in your chest. You studied his face seriously, the set of his jaw, the furrowing of his brow. He glanced towards the kitchen where Eddie was still hustling around, then back to you. He shook his head slowly, one of his thumbs brushing against your bottom lip.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N),” he whispered, his head hung in shame. “I should have been able to protect you. I – ”

“Hey,” you interjected, tilting his head to look at you with his chin between your fingers. “This is not on you,” you told him firmly, needing to hear the words yourself. “There is no way to stop everyone. We do what we can to protect ourselves, but our life… it’s dangerous. It just is. And even with all of that,” you motioned vaguely towards the kitchen, “you did protect me, Nestor. Te necesite y estuviste aquí (I needed you and you were here). That’s all I can ever ask of you.” Nestor gazed back at you wordlessly, looking a little mystified.

“¿Me entiendes (Do you understand me?)?” you asked him firmly. You refused to let the man you loved beat himself up over this. Nestor was always the strong protector. But unlike most people in his life, you understood that sometimes he needed protecting. Usually from himself. And you would happily play bodyguard for Nestor’s heart.

He nodded and you watched as, finally, his eyes softened and his shoulders relaxed. He pulled you tighter into his embrace and placed a kiss on the crown of your head. His arms and chest were strong around you and for the first time in hours, you knew that you were safe.

[everafterkeiji]

ah! ok, um, is it ok if i request a hc with any of the hq and bnha boys ur comfortable writing for (u can do however many u feel like :)) with an s/o who’s scared of the dark? maybe add a little something about one of them getting glow in the dark stars for y/n’s room and saying that the stars are there in the dark to protect them? idk if that’s cheesy or not lol but yeah, i’m afraid i’m a bit of a scaredy-cat myself so i rush into my room as fast as i can when turning off the lights hehe. anyways, take ur time and take care of yourself ily <33

A/N: and I'm back- im v sorry for taking so long but I'll be posting the haikyuu one in another part but thank you so much for requesting kate love u v much mwah ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ

BNHA Boys Reacting to Y/N being afraid of the dark!

𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐊𝐔 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐘𝐀 will not hesitate to visit your room often as he could and provides light in the best of ways.

When he first found out, he deeply understood and offered to walk you on your way home when it was getting a little too late from training then he soon found himself nervously knocking your door in the middle of the night to see how you're doing.

"Hey- it's very late but are you o-okay?" He asks, a hand to the back of his neck with worried eyes as you stare at him with a smile- a little embarrassed that you were face to face with him in your sleep wear.

"Honestly, I couldn't sleep properly." You answered while he frowns, upset that you were probably up all night. With an idea lighting up in his mind, he speaks.

"I'll be back okay? Leave the door open for me. I'm just going to get something." He says with a smile while you nodded while he dashes off looking excited. You proceeded to your bed waiting for him, enjoying the light that the open door gave you. A few minutes pass and a panting Deku with multiple objects in hand. You chuckled at the sight while you let him in as he closes the door before letting a flashlight lit the room.

"What's all this?" You asked, pointing to the materials laid out on your bed while a blush creeps up on the boys cheek.

"I thought that I could make more of those light up stars to help you sleep better." Izuku says while your heart flutters at his comment.

"Let's do it then."

𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐆𝐎 will be your night light and he'll also be the type to wait until you were asleep so he can make sure you're safe with him.

"What is it- oi stop moving around." Bakugo says while you shuffle in your sheets as your boyfriend questions your nervousness. Was it because it was your first night together? Fair enough, he hasn't known about that fear of yours but he's beginning to put the pieces all at once when he feels your grip on him tighten.

"Sheesh, it's just darkness." He says scoffing before you roll your eyes, pushing him off jokingly while you let your eyes close trying to ease the anxiety.

Seeing that you turned away from him, he sighs before pulling you to him, nudging you with his elbow.

"Look at this." He says while he sits up and you following his actions. The palm of his emits light, surprising you with the sound of a tiny explosion. He continues to hold it out in front of you, seeing the darkness of your room fade being replaced in orange tinted shadows.

"Bakugo- you don't have to do this. I'll be fine." You assured him so he doesn't overuse his quirk before classes. Although it was a small spark, you knew better than to keep him from resting.

"Stop lying. Just.. sleep. I'll be here anyways." The last bit of his sentence trailed off as if he was nervous to show his concern but sighing in defeat, you laid down slinging an arm over his waist, cuddling up on his side enjoying his warmth. You smile at him before speaking.

"Thank you, Katsuki." You bid him before closing your eyes while he sighs as well, wrapping his free arm around your shoulder watching you fall quietly.

He stares at the dirty light up stars on your room while he takes a mental note to remove them since he was always up to help you.

Once he feels how deep in slumber you were, the explosions from his hands die down while he lies with you slowly, careful to not wake you.

He looks at your sleeping state before sighing remembering that you feared this dark room. He then plants a swift kiss on your hair, looking at you once again.

"I'll be right here every day."

𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀 would simply let you fall asleep to his nightly stories to make sure your mind doesn't fall on the hands of fear.

"Then Bakugo taught me how to dodge the attack without using my quirk then use my agility instead!" Kirishima rants following some hand movements as you chuckle with you on his chest as he carries on. He feels how your grip has loosened compared to how it was when he first got in bed with you.

With his endless stories, he too notices how your eyes grew heavy.

"Too tired from today?" He asks softly, his hands lost in your hair making it harder to stay awake.

"Not really. I just stayed up too long cause I- got scared." He looks at you with concern, while he intertwines your hands with his.

"Scared of what babe?"

"Is it silly if I say the dark?" He blinks for a second but then he shakes his head before pulling you closer to him before landing a loving kiss to your temple.

"It's never silly, bub. Your savior is here!" He says proudly, a cheeky grin making you laugh as you hold onto him more, closing your eyes as he smiles at the sight of you. From this day onwards, it seems like he's got a new mission but this mission was way easier and more important than the rest because he'd save you thousands of times before seeing you scared to wits.

"You sure are a hero, Eiji."

𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈 would mindlessly offer his embrace.

After seeing how quick you were to run to your room on heavy hours of training when the sun got down, he wondered too much about you. It was either you had your own plans or maybe a certain villain was out to capture you. Both options still got him curious.

So the next day of training and learning about which weaknesses of yours could be encountered in a fight, he hears an answer from you that might have gained his interest on you more.

"I prefer to avoid fights when it's dark." You said to Momo, Shoto looks at you with raised eyebrows but he understood either way. If he had his own fears that got in his way, he's sure that yours can get in your way too. Knowing you two share the same liking to each other, he decided to step up and find a solution to lessen your fear.

So when he was right at your door, knocking lightly, he thinks if his phone provided him with the correct answers.

"Todoroki? Hi, what are you doing here?" You asked him, pulling him softly inside your room while he looks around seeing stars decorating the place. He mentally checks off one of the options seeing that you already bought some of them to ease the fear a bit.

"I overheard you with Yaoyorozu and I'm here to help with this. "

"With—"

You were cut off by the tall boy engulfing you in a sweet embrace with his chin on the crown of your head as his hands were placed on your waist as he disregards his racing heartbeat seeing that he put zero hesitation in doing the top option in his research.

"It's okay to be scared of the dark." he assures you, but your focus wasn't on his words— it was on the fact that held you this close and that he knew about your fear. You were thankful that he didn't think it was childish or pathetic but you were too busy thinking about how his first way of showing his concern was like this.

With that, you hugged him back and with his closed eyes, you two had smiles tugged on your lips.

"Thank you, Shoto."

𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐊𝐈 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈 lets your laugh echo through the room making you forget about all your worries.

Denki has always been charismatic when it comes to you. No matter how many jokes he threw, funny or not, you'd always smile or give him a reaction that he loves to receive but all jokes were sent aside when you mentioned your fear of darkness.

You brought up the topic when Sero had sparked up the conversation of what you hated the most and when you said yours, Kaminari was all ears and his mind began running on how to make things a little better for you. It must've been hard, he thinks. Darkness was everywhere so he had to help.

After some exhaustion from training and frustration from battling with Bakugo, he can tell how you were on edge as you went straight to your room after dinner. He knew sleeping peacefully wasn't going to be easy to accomplish today so he let his feet guide him to your room right when he finished his meal.

"Denki here!" He says while knocking. You open the door and he sees how you've wrapped yourself in a blanket, but your eyes bared no sign that you slept.

"Hey Kami, what're you doing here?" You asked him while he enters your room, pouting at how your lamp had flickering lights meaning it's energy was about to fail you. So, he walks right over to the lamp and places his hand on top of it and uses his quirk to make sure the light doesn't flicker anymore. Seeing that it was working properly again, he realizes he didn't want to leave yet.

"Oh thanks, Denki." You said smiling at him while he sits on your bed with an idea coming to his mind.

"I've got a story to tell!"

And a few minutes later, you've got yourself beside him with his arm draped on your shoulder while your laugh became too loud mixed with his making your sleepiness fade.

"Okay okay but you've got to sleep, Y/N. Don't overwork yourself tomorrow or else." He says with a chuckle while you laid down as he gets off your bed.

"Or else what Denki?"

"You'll find out tomorrow." he says, while you bid him goodnight. He comes closer to you just when you close your eyes as he gives a peck to your cheek while blushing furiously when your eyes opened at his actions. He immediately walks away muttering a quick good night as you chuckled when he sprints to the door making you turn off your lamp with a smile.

"Goodnight, Y/N."

[ginazmemeoir]

for @gopikanyari - i couldn't draw them but i did write this fic.

tagging @taareginn @momo-all-the-way @dragonfairy1231 @aadyeah @weird-u @holding-infinity-and-a-book @aloomu @carmen-riddle @mango-pickle

Everything slows down. All I feel is my breath, the sweat trickling down my face, and the tension in my hand dissipating as I release the knife and let it fly. It strikes the dummy with a ‘thwack’, and I keep staring at it. Miss. Again.

My father didn’t consider educating his youngest child, a girl, in the art of warfare. So after getting married to five men, all brothers, in a strange twist of fate, having near death experiences in the forest and at my husbands’ home in Hastinapur, I decided to instruct myself. Swords made me feel confident, bows and arrows made me feel like a hero in an epic, but knives? They made me feel like a toddler playing pretend. And yet, Drona, my husbands’ mentor and father’s sworn enemy, insisted on teaching me in “the art of the blade”.

I lean against the wall, wiping the sweat off using a cloth, and head for a bath. As I exit, my maid Malti approaches me, her face writ with worry. “Um… uh… Your Majesty…” she stutters. I place my hand on her shoulder and calm her down, “What happened Malti? Something in your family?” I ask. Instead, Malti hands me a card. I take it from her, beaming at the seal – a dolphin encircled by a peacock feather – Krishna’s emblem. I greedily tear the elaborate wrapping, desperate for the kind of raucous and “unladylike” interaction that I only got with Krishna. My eyes skim over the letter’s contents, and my heart sinks. “Impossible,” I mutter, clutching the letter in my hand, “my husbands promised me complete fidelity. They cannot remarry again.” Malti, her voice trembling, then uttered the words which my feeble brain couldn’t read, “Your Highness, the invite was delivered by a member of the Dwaraka council. Prince Arjuna is getting married to Subhadra, Lord Govinda’s sister.”

The streets of Hastinapur are jubilant with celebrations, as their prince returns with his new bride. All over the city, repairs were done, and frivolous, expensive structures were erected, all in an effort to show the audacious wealth of the Kuru empire. The cheerful, flower and gold bedecked exterior hid the internal deformities. Suyodhana’s maternal uncle, Shakuni, or as everybody called him in the land – the snake – fumed at what had transpired (from what I gathered Suyodhana was to be wed to Subhadra, who had eloped with my husband); King Dhritarashtra boiled in silent anger, while Queen Gandhari taunted and cried out her distress every now and then.

Arjuna arrived on the gates of the palace, his new bride at his side, followed by my other husbands (his brothers) and Krishna. Both bride and groom were bedecked in the finest of clothes and jewels, looking like overstuffed dummies. Even from here in my balcony, I could clearly see the bride’s discomfort in wearing the heavy jewellery and silks preferred by the Hastinapur royalty even in the scorching summer. All the ceremonies and rituals were performed with due tradition, thus amounting to an hour or two, and then only did the entourage enter the palace. I hurry down to meet the party, when I see the newlyweds walking towards me. Anger floods every pore of my body. Had I had my way, I would have scorched the palace with the same fire from which I was born. What kind of man is this cruel, taking his second wife to meet his first? Disgusted I slam the door on their stricken faces, and bury myself in my misery. Was I never destined to be happy?

The years pass by, and an unlikely bond forms between Subhadra and I – the kind of bond shared by mothers. It took six pregnancies to break the barrier between us, and she had approached first. That would always be a guilt I would carry – that I hadn’t extended my hand earlier, blinded by pride and anger. Soon, awkwardness gives place to an unlikely friendship, with her teaching me the various wonders of the world she had seen on her various trips; Greece, China, the Golden Isand of Lanka, she had seen it all. Meanwhile I taught her how to wield a sword , and helped her navigate the tricky waters of politics and party throwing. It was a rare, pure friendship – one spent wearing a cotton sari under a scorching sun, eating mangoes with sticky hands and giggling, one I had never experienced before.

I walk towards my palace. Or, not my palace, since Duryodhana owns it now. Nothing is left, not even my pride and dignity. My dishevelled appearance, torn sari, entangled hair and bruises make for a frightening appearance apparently, stunning everybody into silence. I don’t feel human anymore, just a husk slowly inching its way before it collapses, for my soul was stripped along with my clothes in that den of gamblers and cowards. I seethe with a burning hatred against my husbands, pretentious motherfuckers cowering behind their false dharma and “code of chivalry”, which conveniently vanished when they took multiple wives and yet made me marry all five of them against my will. I want to rage and burn and destroy and drink the blood of Dushasana and use Duryodhana’s skull as the cup. I thought my city, this magnificent city of Indraprastha, loved me the same way I loved it. And yet, in my darkest hours, none came to stop what followed, except perhaps Vikarna, a brother of the man whom I didn’t consider human. Subhadra was in the guava orchards with Abhimanyu, when she saw me. She quickly put him down, and rushed towards me, trying to cover me with a scarf, as if I cared anymore. She took me inside, and drew a bath for me. That day, I scrubbed my skin raw till it turned red and almost tore my hair from my scalp, trying to rid myself of Dushasana’s filthy touch. She then gives me some khus, which I drink gingerly, my tears mixing with the sweet green concoction. At first, she looks stricken, unable to believe what had transpired. Disbelief gave way to pity, which gave way to anger. “It’s useless Subhadra. Nothing is left. And I will make sure, that nothing will be.” I console her. I see the fear in her eyes then. Good. People had forgotten who I was, but I’d make sure I’d remind them in the years to follow. They blamed me for what had happened right, that I was too weak or too proud? Well then I’d like to prove them right. I am Draupadi. Paanchali. Yajnaseni. Born from fire, born to wreak havoc, born to change the fate of this cursed land of Jambudweep, where the roll of a dice values more than a person.

The 13 years that follow are spent in agony. Twelve years of wandering in the forest, facing arrogant saints and malevolent creatures. I keep wondering of Subhadra and my kids. When she had heard the news, she had slapped an unsuspecting Arjuna, and taken Abhimanyu and my kids with her to Dwarka, safe and secure, forbidding him to show her his face until he proved himself worthy. Arjuna soon parted ways with us in the forest, going off on some adventure, finding new beauties to marry and accumulating more powers for the war to follow. I meet Hidimba in the forest as well, Bhima’s first wife. I envy her freedom and her life. And then comes the dreaded year of agyaatvasa – living in the shadows, for fear of recognition. Yudhishthira becomes advisor to King Virata of Matsya, Bhima a cook, Nakula the master of stables, Sahadev a shepherd and I, the mighty Draupadi? A hairdresser. How cruel life was, making the woman who kept her hair unkempt and open as a reminder of her revenge, a hairdresser to a queen. Arjuna also returned, but as the eunuch dancer Brihannala. Even here, peace eluded me as the queen’s brother Keechaka turned his perverted gaze towards me. But this time, I had enough. And so I invite him to a secluded spot and then have his skull crushed by Bhima.

It’s the time of war. Vultures and hyenas gather in the fields of Kurukshetra in anticipation of the feast to follow. I reside in the camp with the other ladies and children of the house. I am unable to recognize my own kids at first, how quickly they’ve grown and how much they have changed. They greet me with the same love and respect, but something has changed fundamentally in our relationship, a cherished bond that would never be the same. Subhadra is there by my side, making me live their childhood through their mischievous stories and their life at Dwarka, and yet my mind wanders to our six sons – wearing their armour and lifting their weapons, barely on the cusp of manhood and yet already thrust into a war that isn’t their own. I stopped believing in gods long since, and yet I pray to any that might exist with a shred of mercy in their heart towards me – let my children live.

Abhimanyu’s mutilated corpse greets us on the thirteenth day of war. His body looked so gruesome, even Yamraj would have shuddered. Subhadra’s wails pierce through the sky, reverberating more than the clang of metal and steel. She reaches for Abhimanyu’s body, hugging him close, with his head on her lap, embracing her son for a final time before the fires engulfed him. I am too shocked, and Subhadra too bereaved, to either comfort or be comforted. There is no sermon, no balm, no magic for this loss. His loss permeates into every single cell of our being, and stays there. Subhadra cries the entire night, her eyes red from crying, consuming neither food nor water. I stay by her side all along. The other ladies comfort his wife Uttara, in the final month of her pregnancy, devastated by the destruction of her own small world before it could begin. Finally, when dawn breaks, and her body is devoid of tears, does Subhadra arise, but she’s not the same. She goes with the Pandavas to cremate her only child, and returns back. She utters not a single word, conveys not a single emotion. She doesn’t rage like fire – she is instead like the oceans near her home. A turbulent storm rages within, which the calm face doesn’t give away.

I come back to my tent having exacted my revenge. The sound of Dushasana’s arms being ripped off, his skull cracking open echo in my ears. My hair drip with his blood, my face smeared with sweat. I thought I would feel victorious, at peace now that I had avenged myself, avenged Abhimanyu’s death. But then Subhadra gazes at me, and a single gaze is enough to communicate everything in my heart. Is this who I am now? What more atrocities would be committed in this war?

The war has come at an end, as Duryodhana lies dying in agony, his thighs shattered. I go with everybody to cremate the fallen and pay my respects to Grandsire Bhishma, as he too draws his last breath upon his bed of arrows and leaves this world. All the bodies are collected in a massive mountain of rotting half eaten flesh, and cremated. The fire blazes high, an inferno reaching for the skies, taking the souls of everybody within it towards Indra’s court, which receives anybody who dies fighting. The flame reminds me of my own birth, which seems like a lifetime away. I return back to camp, weary from all the death that surrounded me, and am instead greeted by a fresh nightmare. My brother Dhrishtadyumna’s head hangs at the gate, his decapitated body beneath him, hands closed around his sword even in death. I rush in to find everybody dead – physicians, maids, cooks, attendants, charioteers, guards, everybody. I enter my sons’ tent, fearing the worst and that is when I see their corpses. They were still in bed. Sleeping. They were supposed to ride out tomorrow to Indraprastha, their true home. They were supposed to grow up and live their life far away from court or war. They were planning to finally visit the fabled Palace of Illusions, swimming in the Mirror Lake, plucking fresh fruits from the orchards. Sutasoma intended to devour all the books he could lay his hands on. Prativindhya wanted to try wine. Srutakarma wanted to learn pottery and sculpting. Shatanika wanted to try make up, while Shrutasena wanted to learn music and painting. My children were robbed of their lives and their futures in their sleep. Now I truly knew the meaning of loss. I would rather die a thousand times over just so I could bring them back. I collapse, the last thing I hear is Subhadra shouting my name. I don’t feel the ground as I fall.

It is in this hell on earth does Subhadra’s daughter in law Uttara give birth. She screams in pain as she tries to push her child out of her womb, the last child of a massacred dynasty, when the room suddenly fills with a scorching white light. It disappears as suddenly as it arrived, and everybody immediately figures out what happened. The Brahmastra, the strongest weapon in the universe. Aimed directly at Uttara’s womb and her unborn child. It is an unspeakable crime. The death of his grandnephew makes Krishna goes insane, and for the first time in my life, I see him become the angel of death. He picks up the babe, and proclaims, “If I have been a truly righteous human, let this child come to life.” The child, a boy, gasps and cries, strong and powerful. I have stopped believing in miracles, but this is one I admit. Subhadra reached for her grandson, and cradles him in her arms. Her tears drop on his forehead, as she smiles at him. As she hands the baby to me, there’s an understanding in our eyes. An agreement. A promise. Never shall this child know suffering. Never shall this child know pain. He will have what we could not. He will have a childhood, a future, a life.

We make this oath to ourselves. Sisters, united by pain, suffering and hope.

[thisaccisdead]

montreal - roman hurt/comfort

pairing: this was written to all be platonic prinxiety, but can definitely be interpreted romantically !

warnings: unconventional self harm, non-graphic descriptions of wounds/injury

summary: a post-POF roman hurt/comfort fic in january 2021? yes <3

word count: 3.2k

notes: large portions of this were salvaged from one (1) night last summer at 4am when i was having a . time. the rest has been mainly recently written before i go to bed, with some extra bits added during my history classes B)) also shout out to [REDACTED]. u may not read this but if u do, i hope u know who u are & ilu

Virgil had been trying to calm himself down for the better part of an hour, as soon as they got back from the wedding fiasco; and he was doing a relatively okay job. Considering the circumstances, at least. Or so he thought, when he registered a spike in Thomas’s anxiety. This only served to make Virgil more anxious, because he had thought he had been doing well—until, he realized it wasn’t anxiety, not exactly, not fully—and it wasn’t coming from him.

Once he'd figured that out, it wasn't hard to trace the feeling to the imagination. He paused at the door. If this was where the strongest negative emotions were coming from, he already knew which side this was about. And could he really be surprised? Roman had wanted that callback for so long. Even at the court case, even when Roman gave Thomas his sentence, Virgil knew it killed him. And Virgil didn't do anything. Because he was so fucking scared of Thomas being bad, or of Janus winning, or something, and now whatever was going on was his fault, and--

And now was not the time for these thoughts. He breathed in. He opened the door.

Immediately, he was coughing out soot, heat burned his cheeks, his eyes blurred with protective tears forming against the smoke. It was hard to see, let alone process, what was happening. Then, he caught sight of the Dragon Witch. And he caught sight of—

“Roman!” Virgil choked on the yell, coughing again.

Obviously Roman couldn’t hear him from the distance, especially considering the brutal roar of the creature. Adrenaline kicked in, and as Virgil began to sprint towards the prince, he took in the entirety of the scene with alarm. Roman was...fighting, sure, except that Virgil had seen him fight before, and this... wasn’t right. Roman bested manticore-chimeras like it was a breeze, he HAD bested the Dragon Witch herself in every form she took, “just for training.” He always moved like he was in a ballet, not a battle, like it was more for show than challenge, and now...

Virgil watched Roman fall to a hard swish of the creature’s tail, and stay there. He almost expected the Dragon Witch to take mercy, or at least, to accept an early victory. But he watched her rear back, raise a taloned hand, the magma-red in her throat glowing brighter and brighter—just as Virgil got close enough to let fight win over flight.

Virgil crashed into Roman; they rolled just far enough that the swipe of claws only ripped the edge of Virgil’s jacket.

Immediate danger out of the way, Virgil clenched his eyes tight, trying to do it how Logan taught him. He found something that didn’t make sense--the grass. The grass was dry, therefore it should have been burning, but it wasn’t. He took that foothold to dispel all the fantastical elements of the scene, Dragon Witch and all her carnage blinking from existence. The new calm of the scene was jarring.

That just left a great big field, Virgil, and one absolute dumbass.

"What the fuck, Princey?!"

Virgil’s voice was distorted with stress, and Roman stared up at him wide-eyed, unsure—even terrified in a way that hurt. Virgil quickly pushed himself up so he wasn't pinning the other. Roman tried to copy this movement, only to groan, start coughing, and fall back again.

“Shit, I—“ Virgil looked at his hands and found red on them, looked at Roman and saw the color painting his chest. “I thought I dispelled all the imaginary stuff, why—?“

“Left brain sides can only dispel so much of what right brain sides feel,” Roman said, voice rough and thin and upsettingly casual, “Since they feel so real to me, you can’t get rid of them.”

“They feel…? Christ, ok, you need a medical kit, uhm—“ Virgil closed his eyes again; he was notoriously shitty at summoning things, and he had to concentrate for this—

“That’s ok; I’ve got it,” Roman said, letting out a quiet hiss as he propped himself up on one arm, and summoned the medical kit with the other, “You can go now.”

Virgil gaped at him in disbelief. When Roman attempted to stand up, and Virgil could no longer deny he wasn’t joking, he exclaimed, “Like Hell am I going, idiot!”

Roman just stared at him, and Virgil cursed under his breath. “Ok ok, let’s just... we should do this in the bathroom, uhm—“

Virgil awkwardly clambered over to Roman again, taking his hand, so he could blink them over together. He knew it would probably be more comfortable for Roman to sink in and out, but considering Virgil wasn’t practiced at that, he wasn’t going to risk screwing it up.

They apparated into the bathtub, and Virgil scrambled up, taking the med kit from Roman's hands.

Ok, ok, now Virgil just had to remember that one time Logan lectured them all on “Side Safety.” He took a shaky breath and washed his hands quickly, before turning back to Roman. He allowed himself to fully assess the prince this time and… Jesus. He was slumped against the back of the tub, having given up his attempts at composure while he thought Virgil wasn’t looking. His litany of scrapes, cuts, bruising, his shallow breathing, and--most of all--the wet, red patch slowly growing on his shirt, sparked renewed panic in Virgil.

“Ok, fuck, ok--let’s do this,” Virgil said, mostly to himself, as he knelt down by Roman to undo his already tattered shirt and take a wet towel to his chest. He had to suck in a breath at the sight of the jagged wound, a nauseous feeling catching up to him.

“You’ve already done a lot, you know,” Roman insisted. “You can--”

“If you tell me to go, Princey, I swear I’ll make these wounds worse myself,” he said, not meaning it in the slightest, which he would assume Roman knew--but the way Roman flinched and shut his mouth told a different story. “Shit, I didn’t mean that. Of course I didn’t mean that!”

Roman glanced away, and Virgil reached to cup his cheek, an instinct he didn’t know he had. Luckily, he caught himself in time to retract his hand. They both avoided eye contact for a second; Virgil cleared his throat; and he reached for the bottle of hydrogen peroxide before pausing. He vaguely recalled Logan mentioning how strong alcohols would only cause more harm, and they should just stick to mild soap instead. He gave the cut a longer look-over—it was certainly not a pretty sight, but probably not as bad as it looked. It was large, but not too deep. Plus, as sides, it would heal itself without needing anything like stitches or professional medical work. The past scars littering Roman’s body were proof of that. Actually--had he always had this many scars? Virgil squinted. How often did he do this?

Virgil finished cleansing and bandaging the wound to the best of his ability, with little talk beyond the occasional, soft “sorry” at Roman’s winces. When he had finished, he gave Roman his hoodie (an action the Prince was too tired to take much notice of), since summoning a new shirt seemed like a waste of whatever energy he had left.

“Ok, Princey, all done. Uhm, are you—how, how are you?” Virgil mentally kicked himself.

A small, bitter smile tugged at Roman’s lips for just a moment. He opened his mouth and then closed it, and finally shrugged. “Thank you for your help.”

It hurt, Virgil realized. Roman’s quiet voice, where near-shouting was his usual speech. His unkempt hair sticking to his forehead, where it was usually styled to be very lightly and intentionally ruffled. The bags beneath his eyes where there was usually concealer. All of it hurt.

Virgil sucked in a breath. “Look, I’m sorry if I’m being annoying, but I hope you know there’s absolutely no way I’m leaving yet.”

“Virgil,” Roman almost said it as a whine, which was closer to his usual style, so Virgil considered it progress.

“Roman,” Virgil deadpanned back.

Roman huffed. “Maybe I need space to really explore my feelings, and you’re actually being a terrible friend right now,” he argued.

“Uh-huh, well being a terrible friend is always my favorite, so,” Virgil leaned down, fumbling slightly as he picked Roman up bridal style, “We’re gonna get you to bed, and you can explore your feelings by sleeping.”

“Great, now you’re damsel-in-distressing me,” Roman said sarcastically, but he leaned his head into Virgil’s chest as he did so, which kind of ruined his point.

“Yeah, yeah. Act more like Megara next time, and maybe it’ll be different.”

•••

Roman groaned upon waking up. His whole body ached, but mainly it was focused around a sharper pain in his chest. He let his eyes flutter open, only to find Virgil staring at him from his desk.

“Ah,” Roman uttered, a jumble of memories from the past few hours returning. They felt foggy and mildly icky, but mainly the pain in them was the numb kind of pain, the tired kind. Really, it was indistinguishable from the dull ache of his bruises and cuts.

“Yeah,” Virgil said, as though he understood, even though he couldn’t possibly. “Uh, wanna talk about it?”

It was clear Virgil felt awkward asking the question. It was unclear whether that was due to his tendency to be embarrassed by everything he said, or—far more likely—that he wanted to stop babying a stupid prince, and just go about his business.

Roman sat up, suppressing a wince as best he could. “Do you want to hear about it?”

“Of course I do.” Virgil said it without an ounce of hesitation. Roman’s breath caught.

“Oh.” Roman shifted slightly over, and Virgil took a seat by him on the bed. “Okay. Uhm. I don’t know, I just—I messed up.” What else was new?

“...What did you mess up?” Virgil asked, with an inkling of suspicion, like he knew what this was about. But it wasn’t that; it wasn’t the callback—that was over and done and dead. Roman had created so many fantasies, so many crazy scenarios where they could somehow still make it in that stupid movie, and it had always filled him with hope or crushing pain or something, but as of this afternoon? He didn’t even care. It didn’t matter.

So, Roman ignored the question, and instead commented, “Janus got accepted.”

“What the fuck.”

Roman observed Virgil’s stricken expression like an unsettling kind of mirror of himself when—

My name is Janus.

“Yeah,” Roman sighed, “I didn’t take it so well either.”

Virgil looked at him for a long moment, seeming to go through several series of emotions, before he was able to ask, “...What happened?”

Roman inhaled sharply. “I was wrong about being wrong about the wedding. Patton was also wrong; Janus was right, and then Patton was right because he wasn’t a total asshole to Janus, and I’m evil; Thomas hates me; whatever, you get it.”

He thought he would break down, saying it, but he felt oddly… fine. He sat, staring at the same spot as he was before, absentmindedly annoyed at the way his bandages itched. The normalcy of the situation almost made it worse. This sucked. This wasn’t even bad.This was the worst he had ever felt.

“Oook,” Virgil said, clearly not knowing where to start, “I—you—what do you mean: Thomas hates you?”

“Thought that one was self-explanatory.”

“He can’t hate you,” Virgil said with a laughable amount of conviction. “You’re still his… y’know.. goals. Desires. Hopes. Whatever. Just because this one didn’t go… perfectly, doesn’t mean you won’t keep—“ he struggled to find the phrasing for a moment— “...fighting, uh, valiantly for Thomas’s dreams!” he attempted at the encouragement with a weak smile.

Roman just shook his head. “No. I don’t know what he wants.”

Virgil’s smile dropped into confusion. “But… you are his wants.”

“That’s kind of the problem.”

Virgil seemed at a loss, and Roman felt like an asshole. Here he was trying to help him, and Roman couldn’t even be bothered to put on a smile to dismiss him from the duty.

“Please go,” Roman attempted weakly when he couldn’t find a more convincing argument in himself. He was meant to be an actor, but he knew he couldn’t hide the fact that he wanted him to stay, of course he did, so badly. He hoped Virgil would just quit with the chivalry and go despite that.

Virgil sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit, I'm going about this all wrong.”

Roman knew it probably wasn’t really him Virgil was mad at, but it was hard not to shrink away anyway.

“Look, Roman—“ Virgil turned to him, looked at him seriously, took his hands in his— “To be honest? I don’t care what happened. I don’t care who was right or wrong—I mean, we all know I’ve been in the wrong more than my fair share. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Roman didn’t miss the ambiguity of the end statement. “But… look, you don’t get it. When you mess up, you’re still you. You’re still...,” Roman gestured vaguely, which upset his bandages, and when he looked down at himself, he took note of the black/purple hoodie he was wearing. He melted slightly. This was exactly the point he was trying to make, “You’re still... y’know. Important.”

“Wh—? Of course you’re important, Ro. You’re creativity—“

“Thomas has two of those.”

Virgil looked at him like he was stupid. “Right, as if you’re anything like Remus.”

Roman’s lip quivered at that, and he had to look away, which was so stupid. And suddenly he felt all of the embarrassment at once—of this situation, of everything that had happened before, of the way he was about to cry, in front of Virgil, after he said that, which must look so—

“Roman?”

A hand was on his cheek, softly turning his face towards Virgil’s, though Roman still refused to meet his eyes.

Virgil cursed to himself under his breath. “Shit, this is exactly what I was trying not to say.” He sighed, and Roman hesitantly looked up at him. “Look. Even if you weren’t creativity, if you weren’t hopes or dreams or any of it—if you were a completely pointless side, which you aren’t, but if you were—I wouldn’t care. What I care about is that you’re... Roman. That you bother me until I sing Disney with you, that when you put your heart into something, you do it to a stupid amount, that you make Thomas take trashy buzzfeed soulmate quizzes when he’s stressed, and that you fucking try so hard for everything, even when I’m being a little bitch about it,” he paused. With the hand on Roman’s cheek, he traced the line of a scar down his jaw. It was one of the ones Roman usually made sure to put an illusion over, he noted offhandedly. “I care, because you’re my best friend.”

“Don’t say that,” Roman choked out. He couldn’t handle it if it was a lie, and part of him couldn’t manage hearing it as anything but exactly that. “Just—just—“

“Oh, Princey..”

Virgil held him as he broke. Roman didn’t know how long they sat like that as he let everything wash over him for a final time, let it all truly sink in at long last. He took heaving, messy sobs, no doubt ruining Virgil’s shirt in the process—he was quiet, though. He shook silently, save a couple choked breaths, in the other’s arms--that was a habit he had taught himself long ago.

When Roman had tired himself out, when all that was left was the pain in chest, (which was also suddenly duller—he was healing fast, even for a side—) he pulled back from the embrace. Virgil didn’t move by much, kept them so their fingers were laced together, as they sat staring at each other.

“Uhm. Thanks,” Roman gave a shaky smile, “You really—uh... I... I said some stupid stuff, huh?”

Virgil hesitated before he spoke, as if he knew he shouldn’t ask this right now, but needed to anyway. “...Roman, why’d you go to the Imagination?”

Roman felt ice stab at his chest upon the question. He didn’t want to do this. They had already talked about so much that he shouldn’t have gotten into; this was meant to be the part where they either parted or watched a stupid movie. And this, out of everything, was the conversation he most needed to avoid.

“Uh—I mean, to let off steam?” Roman gave a laugh as best he could. “Obviously, it didn’t go to plan—“

“Didn’t it?”

Roman’s face fell immediately. He struggled to come up with an answer, and even if he had had one, he didn’t think the sound would come out. This was enough of an answer in itself

“Shit,” Virgil breathed. Roman couldn’t help but be mildly annoyed by his surprise—clearly he had already known, he didn’t have to make it a big deal now.

“I… Princey—Roman…” Virgil looked him up and down, and Roman wanted to curl up and hide. “...how many times?”

“Not many,” Roman mumbled. Virgil must have known he was pushing the subject too far, because he just frowned and said,

“OK. I mean...it’s not OK, obviously, but you already know that, I just—“ he sighed. “Just… can you talk to me? Instead? Please? When you feel like… that.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Roman responded hastily, wanting an out from this topic.

Virgil gave him a look. “I’m serious. I mean—look, you don’t even have to talk about it if you don’t want. Just, come to me first, yeah?”

Roman’s face burned; he was embarrassed; he wanted to shrug this whole thing off, or roll his eyes, or maybe scream in annoyance. But the rational part of him knew Virgil was right. “OK,” he agreed softly, “...Thanks. For everything.”

Virgil looked surprised, and then flustered, and then waved off the earnest reply. “I mean, it wasn’t--I didn’t--it’s not like I did anything really--”

“You did.”

Virgil’s face softened. “Yeah, well... you’d’ve done the same for me. You... have done the same for me.”

Roman smiled gently at him. “By the way, Virge--” He hesitated. He was about to sound like a real dumbass if Virgil had only been saying this stuff for comfort’s sake. But making a fool of himself was becoming a theme for him anyway, so he continued, “You’re my best friend too.”

I love you.

In the same beats Roman thought it, Virgil squeezed his hand lightly 3 times. A breath passed between them. An understanding. That Roman couldn’t say it out loud, and Virgil wouldn’t.

Instead, Virgil fell back across the bed, bringing Roman with him in the motion. Roman let out a startled gasp and elbowed him lightly. “Hey! I’m injured, that could have been a fatal impact for me!” he whined.

Virgil snorted. “Yeah, yeah, OK. So, do you wanna watch a stupid movie, or what?”