#u know how nicki says ''all these bitches is my sons''

[parkerslatte]

Songbird || FIFTEEN

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader

Warnings: drug use

Word Count: 2.9k

Part Summary: The band begin their tour.

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•••

TRACK FIFTEEN;

SIP THE GOSSIP

…

: FOOTAGE FROM CAMILA DUNNE’S VIDEO CAMERA:

Camila: [gasps] Look, Jules, it’s Daddy. That’s so exciting. “Coming to a city near you this winter.”

…

KAREN SIRKO: Except it wasn’t true.

GRAHAM DUNNE: I mean, there was still no trace of her anywhere.

KAREN SIRKO: Didn’t show up for mixing, rehearsals…

Y/N L/N: I didn’t exactly know her really well at that point, but I tried to contact her, called around everywhere she had ever been, basically. I wanted to make sure she was okay.

WARREN ROJAS: Well, some of u couldn’t help but wonder if she was gone for good. 

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: And I think one of us was…probably hoping for that. 

…

The band were all sat together in the studio. Y/N sat with Karen, her guitar resting next to her. Eddie sat on the other side of Karen though he made no effort to be a part of the conversation. Y/N tried to convince herself that she didn’t care, but she was lying to herself. She was indeed a little happier; having some space from him to figure things out did her a lot of good. 

Eddie ignored her hurt in more ways than one, but what hurt her the most was Camila ignoring her. Every time she would try and talk, even now, she wouldn’t stick around the conversation long. Y/N missed her friend a lot. She missed the late-night talks they would have; she missed looking after Julia. Y/N just missed her best friend a lot. Warren did his best to keep her spirits up, but he wasn’t Camila; she couldn’t have the same conversations she had with Camila with Warren. But Y/N appreciated his efforts anyways. 

To the surprise of everyone, however, Daisy walked in the door. After disappearing off the face of the Earth for three weeks, everyone was surprised to see her. 

They all sat around together, laughing and enjoying their time until the laughter slowly died down as soon as Billy entered the room, his gaze locked on Daisy. Y/N looked between the two; you could cut the tension with a knife. Gently plucking at her guitar, Y/N looked down, not wanting to witness the argument that would surely break out. 

Billy stood by the microphone, “Let’s just run Aurora with that new intro we were kicking around.”

“So you want to start the set with ‘Aurora’?” Daisy questioned, looking at the setlist. 

“That’s what we decided, yeah.” Billy says.

“Interesting.” Daisy said. 

“Warren, when you’re ready.” Billy says, turning around.

“And these are the songs that you want to sing?” Daisy interrupted. 

“That’s right.” Billy says, annoyance lacing his tone.

“No ‘Regret Me’? No ‘Look at Us Now’?” 

“Well, if you wanted to weigh in the time for that was weeks ago, when we first stared rehearsing.” 

“Do you guys need a minute?” Karen asked.

“No,” Billy says forcefully, “Warren, count us in.”

“Yes, actually, we do.” Daisy says, spitting her gum onto the paper before walking out of the studio, Billy storming after her.

“You know what,” Y/N says, “I didn’t miss this.”

It wasn’t long before Billy stormed back into the studio, with Daisy following slowly behind him.

“It’s gonna be a long tour so if you’d prefer to sit this one out, please be my guest.” Billy says.

“There’s no tour without me, you dumb son of a bitch.” Daisy retorts before turning to the rest of the band, “We’re playing ‘Regret Me’.”

“Fine.” Billy says.

“And ‘Look at Us Now’.”

“No.” 

“Yes.”

“I said no, Daisy!” Billy exclaimed, “Warren, count us in, for the love of fucking God.”

Another person entered the studio before anyone had the chance to play. Y/N knew she didn’t like him immediately with how he presented himself, and everything about him was off.

“What’d I miss?” He asked. 

“Who the fuck is this guy?” Eddie asks on behalf of everyone.

“Everybody, this is Nicky,” Daisy introduces, “My husband.”

“Hi.” Nicky says.

“What the fuck?” Y/N exclaims. 

…

ROD REYES (tour manager): Managing The Six had somehow become the hottest gig in town. Billy never forgot what I’d done for him back in ‘71, so when he called me up, I jumped at the chance. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Y/N L/N: Then we began the tour.

…

Y/N looked at the buses as she began walking to the front one. This was all she ever wanted; sure, her name wasn’t on the side of it, but she was still performing to thousands of people. Initially, Billy didn’t want Y/N’s song in the setlist, but after she fought him on it for weeks, the band pitching in to back her up, he finally caved. It was one song; it was never her favourite, but she still got to sing in front of a huge crowd. 

Camila stood, giving Warren a hug goodbye. Y/N slowed down her walking as she lingered around Camila. As Camila turned around, she looked at Y/N, and she smiled. That was all, she smiled. But Y/N wasn’t going to take that.

“Hey, Camila,” Y/N says, “What’s going on with you?”

“What?” Camia questions, “Nothing, I’ve just been tired with Julia and-”

“Camila, we haven’t spoken in weeks, I miss you.” Y/N says.

Camila looks down and pauses, “I’m sorry I’ve been distant but I’ve been dealing with some things.”

“You could have talked to me about it, Camila,” Y/N says, “You know I’m always here for you.”

Camila gripped Y/N’s hand, “I know.” Camila pulled Y/N into a hug, and Y/N gripped onto Camila. 

“I’ll see you soon, Y/N.” Camila says, pulling away from the hug. 

Y/N watched her walk away; nothing was really resolved between the two. As Y/N began to step up to the bus, she noticed Camila walk past Eddie with nothing more than a wave. Eddie’s eyes followed Camila as she walked away, and Y/N felt her heart drop. 

She continued the final steps on the bus, found a seat next to Warren, and rested her head on his shoulder. 

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine.” Y/N says. Warren didn’t believe her, but he didn’t push as Eddie stepped onto the bus taking a seat near Karen. 

Y/N didn’t notice, but his eyes were fixated on her the whole time before the bus pulled away, and his attention was drawn away.

…

WARREN ROJAS: Night one was in Albuquerque.

ROD REYES: See, you don’t start in New Your or LA, where the crowd is nothing but critics and suits. You want to start small, off-market, where you can get your sea legs under you, work out the kinks.

KAREN SIRKO: If I’m being honest, we were pretty sure Albuquerque would be a disaster…but it was fantastic.

Y/N L/N: That crowd was incredible; I was scared when I sang my song because it wasn’t the most popular on the album, but the crowd sang back with me; they sang to me. It was a feeling that I’d never experienced before, and it really made me forget about everything else.

…

Y/N slumped back after snorting a line from the table, and another drink was thrust into her hand. She laughed along with Graham as Daisy took the sunglasses from his face. Y/N never felt happier than she did at that moment. She danced as much as she could in the cramped tour bus, took many drugs, and drank more than she probably should have. Despite everything troubling her, Y/N felt happy and on top of the world. 

…

Y/N L/N: I don’t remember much from that night [laughs]. I just remember that it was a good night. 

ROD REYES: By Christmas, they had the number three song in the country and the number nine son in the country. We booked them on Bandstand, Midnight Special. There were rumours about Saturday Night Live. All the shows were selling out, new dates being added all the time.

…

As the bus began to come to a stop, Y/N looked out the window. People were crowing around the bus, holding up signs and yelling. Y/N even saw people holding signs dedicated to her, and her heart couldn’t feel fuller. The doors opened, and each member of the band walked out one by one. 

“All right, all right, take it easy,” Rod yells in the crowd, “Don’t make me bring out the big guns.”

“Y/N!” A girl yelled, holding out a piece of paper for her to sign. 

Taking the pen out of her hand, Y/N sighed the paper before moving on to the next person, then the next, then the next before her hand started to cramp. From around her, Y/N could hear many people trying to get her attention, and she was finding it hard to keep up. 

“She’s so pretty!” One voice shouted.

“I wouldn’t mind a piece of that.” A much deeper voice shouted, causing Y/N to grimace. 

“Y/N!” Another voice shouted, a much younger voice than the rest, and Y/N turned. 

A girl stood, and she couldn’t have been more than eleven. Y/N walked over to the girl. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Y/N says, “What’s your name?”

“Sierra.” The girl says, obviously starstruck by her.

“Sierra,” Y/N repeated, “That’s a beautiful name.”

“Thank you.” The girl said shyly. 

“Do you have anything you want me to sign?” Y/N says.

The girl shook her head, “No I just wanted to tell you that I look up to you and that I love your song In The Morning.”

Y/N smiled wide. No one had mentioned her music yet, which didn’t bother Y/N; she was on tour as a member of Daisy Jones and The Six, not a solo artist. But hearing the girl tell her that she loved her music made Y/N want to take over the stage at the next concert and perform alone. 

“That’s really kind of you to say,” Y/N says. 

“I want to be like you one day, I want to be a singer.” Sierra says.

“Really?” Y/N says, “Well, for starters the only thing you need to be is yourself and secondly, when you do make it, and that’s not an if, it’s a when, give me a call.”

Sierra smiled wide before she hugged Y/N. Security began to move forward, but Y/N shook her head. When Sierra pulled away, her smile bright, she stepped back into eh crowd, giving Y/N a wave. Y/N smiled as she watched the girl go. 

As Y/N turned back around, her heart stopped. Eddie was locking lips with a girl, and he looked like he had no intention of pulling away. Every happy emotion Y/N felt suddenly drained from her body.

“Eddie, come on get out of here.” Warren says, pulling Eddie away from the girl. 

As Eddie pulled away, he made eye contact with Y/N and looked away. The heartbreak on her face was something he would never get out of his mind. 

***

After the show that night, Y/N lounged on the bus with the band, minus Billy and Nicky and with every word that came out of his mouth, Y/N liked him less and less. 

“So, your face is like on money and shit?” Warren questioned.

Nicky chucked, “No, no, no.”

“So you’re not really a prince.” Eddie spoke. 

“It’s complicated.” Nicky says. 

“Well, do you have land or power?” Graham asked.

“Do you have a job?” Warren asked.

“I’m a student of life.” Nicky announces. 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Y/N laughed. 

Everyone mocks Nicky, and Y/N can’t help but cackle as Nicky gets up and walks away.

“Bye professor.” Eddie calls out. 

“Fuck off.” Daisy says playfully.

“Do you have a degree?” Warren calls after him.

Once Nicky and Daisy were out of sight, Y/N’s laughter died down a little, “Okay it can’t only be me who hates him, right?”

“Nope, I agree.” Graham says, and everyone else begins to chime in with reasons why they don’t like Daisy’s husband.

…

ROD REYES: Let me tell you what it’s like to manage a rock band. We’re driving all over hell and creation, city to city, roadies and crew, the whole nine, and not one person -not one - ever asks how we’re always stocked up on gas. Or beery. Or the special tea Daisy likes that you can only get shipped in from Thailand. No one says ‘thank you’; no one notices a goddamn thing until something goes wrong.

…

The next night Y/N couldn’t sleep; she had been tossing and turning all night, and nothing would send her to sleep. Getting out of the cramped bunk, she tiptoed through the bus and opened the doors letting the cold air fill the bus. 

She stepped outside, the gravel digging into her feet. She lit a cigarette and took a long drag, sighing. The tour life had been a lot more tiring than she originally anticipated. Show to show, journey to journey, there was always something happening to distract Y/N from her feelings and thoughts plaguing her brain. 

As she stood alone in the dark, Y/N had a chance to think about everything she wished she could stop thinking about. She wanted the thoughts to disappear from her head completely. 

When Y/N was young, she swore to herself that she would never get caught up over a guy. She always believed that if she got caught up over a guy, she would realise that they just weren’t worth her time. But with Eddie, it was different. Eddie got her in a way no one else did. 

She missed his smile, she missed his laugh, she missed his touch. Everything about him, she missed. 

When Eddie tried to kiss her that night, Y/N’s emotions went into overdrive. She was drunk, high and full of adrenaline. While she was in that state, there was no way she could believe that Eddie liked her; there was no possible way he could have any woman he wanted with a flash of his smile. 

When Y/N suggested they just break off their friendship completely, she believed it would do her some good. She thought she could finally move on; if anything, it made her feel worse, especially when he was avoiding her. 

When she finally had this time to herself, Y/N began to put things into perspective and see the bigger picture. Everything with Eddie and Camila avoiding her couldn’t be a coincidence, but Y/N didn’t want to admit it to herself; it would only make her spiral more. 

As Y/N threw the butt of the cigarette to the floor, she let out a yawn. Climbing back aboard the bus and shutting the door, she silently returned to her bunk - directly above Eddie’s. As she lay down and shut her eyes, Y/N drifted into a dreamless sleep. 

***

The performance the following day, Y/N was highly ready for. She had taken more drugs before the show than usual and was excited to get out there. Her song was third in the setlist, and when the intro started, Y/N walked up to her microphone at the front of the stage. 

As she opened her mouth to begin singing, Billy’s voice echoed through the stadium. Y/N’s head snapped in his direction, shock clearly shown on her face. What the fuck? She thought. 

…

Y/N L/N: He sang my fucking song. The prick. 

GRAHAM DUNNE: None of us knew what to do, so we continued to play. I mean, the show must go on.

KAREN SIRKO: Y/N left the stage and didn’t return for the following few songs. 

Y/N L/N: Billy was angry at me for not performing two songs. He had nothing to be fucking angry about; he sang my song. 

…

“Y/N you have to get back out there.” Rod says to Y/N as she seethes in anger. 

“I’m not fucking sharing the stage with him.” Y/N yelled, “That’s my song, Rod! I am meant to be singing it with Daisy, not him. The entire show is basically about him.”

Rod sighed, “You have to go back out there.”

…

DAISY JONES: I don’t know what Billy was doing that night, but he sang Y/N’s song, and she was heartbroken about it. So I did all I could to fix the problem. 

…

The band walked off the stage, having their moment to breathe before Daisy and Eddie walked back on for ‘Two Against Three’. Y/N’s arms were folded as she glared daggers into the side of Billy’s head; she was beyond angry. 

“Y/N…” Karen says, trying to get her attention, but she ignores her; she ignores everything happening around her. 

“This song is usually a solo,” Daisy announced to the crowd, the crowd continuing to cheer, “And it still is, but it won’t be sang by me.”

The crowd silenced and waited in anticipation. 

“Please give a huge round of applause to our very own rhythm guitarist, Y/N L/N.” Daisy announced, and the crowd cheered. 

Y/N was stunned and didn’t start walking onto the stage until Karen gave her a slight push. 

“What are you doing?” Y/N mumbled into Daisy’s ear.

“Sing.” Was all Daisy said before leaving the stage.

Y/N stood up to the microphone as Eddie began to play the guitar. Y/N looked out to the crowd; usually, she was in the back. All the attention was mainly focused on Daisy and Billy, but now all the attention was focused on her. Closing her eyes, Y/N began to sing. 

Eddie watched Y/N the whole time, a smile pulling at his lips. She was in her element, and he couldn’t look away. Everything about Y/N was addicting. The sound of her voice was something he had always loved since the moment he had first heard her sing. 

Sensing that Eddie was looking at her, Y/N turned to face him, and she was surprised to find him smiling. Taking the microphone from the stand, Y/N fully turned her body to face him and continued to sing. The crowd faded away; it was only Y/N and Eddie. 

As the song ended, the arena erupted into cheers and shouts. Tearing her eyes away from Eddie, Y/N turned and faced the crowd, all sorts of emotions filling her body. The two walked to the centre of the stage; Eddie gripped Y/N’s hand, entwining their fingers as they bowed. His thumb gently brushed across the back of her hand. It was a small reassurance. You did it. Y/N looked at Eddie and smiled as they bowed once more.

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[nutria--oscura]

Y'ALL HAVE ME SO SCARED FOR THIS (@cookies-over-yonder @officialgleamstar y'all's posts have slain me) HERE WE GO

like, i'm crting and i haven't even stareted the ep yet wtf-

~spoilers for S2 ep35 under the cut~

preface: I AM SCARED I AM CLUTCHING NICK JR (mouse/rat soft toy) ON THE VERGE OF TEARS

THE PASTA PUNS IN THE INTRO

the sound effects low-key make me wanna throw up-

update: the sound effects make me high-key wanna throw up-

the intro is the high before the storm right? oh dear~

yesss, link is a spouse to his best friends <3

gosh I missed their voices so much <333 <- literally have 100+ episodes it can listen to whenever they want

freddie correcting beth's fact is literally my best friend and i on a daily basis (whos who? we take turns)

i could listen to an entire podcast of just freddie saying facts. like genuinly

HERMIE FACT??? SCAM CONJURED HIM INTO EXISTENCE AS A HIGHSCHOOLER??? MY POOR BOI-

TJ SHOT NICK'S ARM OFF WHAAAAAAA-

TERRY :) WHAT:)?

"your time studying the blade has served you well" what is hapening?

whAT IS HAPPENING????

Terry Jr's back <333

"i did not think that's how this fight was gonna go" same will- same

hey imps? what the fu-

NORMAL'S BACK BOIIIIIIII

ROLL ROLL ROLL ROLL NAT 1 HAH

SCARY AND TERRY JR <3

MEMORY TIME OH DEARRR

"in going from enemies to lovers so to speak"

all the fanfics were right- (nicky's reasoning, him attempting to reason with the others)

ron and nicky are such a vibe together honestly

OH NO- NICKY WAS SO REASONABLE TOO AND YET-

LARK AND SPARROW WITH CROSSBOWS TERRY WITH A SHOTGUN WHERE'S GRANT???

"and a badass fight ensues, but also sad"

oh there's grant

OH WE GOT THE WHOLE ASS SCENE OH SHIT-

TERRY SHOT NICKY, NICKY STABBED TERRY-

TERRY JR AND RON <33

terry's memory being ron forgiving him- (henry voice) oh gosh. oh geez-

"did you see what i did to like, my best friend" BEST F R I E N D

"you showed up, y'know?" what if i just combust?

Scary hugging Terry<333

THEY'RE ALL HUGGING

oh my heart

hey glenn, respectfully, fuck offffff

nicky having more emotional intelligence than glenn is so true-

OH HERE COMES THE GLENN AND NICKY AND TAYLOR SHIT-

"i have a memory that you weren't around for. which was the birth of your grandson" AHHHHHHH

"i always thought taylor came out real quiet. like a real stoic ninja." "nope. came out crying like a baby dude"

glenn... glENN. GLENN! NO. NOT INFRONT OF YOUR 3 DAY OLD GRANDSON

THE FANFICTIONS WERE SO RIGHT- (GLENN IN NICKY'S LIFE BEFORE THE FAITHFULL SOCCER TRIP)

brb cause im like actually crying cause of that scene-

ok... lets go... (screaming crying sobbing sliding down a wall)

JODIE VISITEDDDD

FUCKING TELL HIM NICKYYYY FUCKING TELL HIMMMM

"i remember when... was that you? yea, i remember when you were born." WHAT DO YOU MEAN WAS THAT YOU???? THAT WAS YOUR FUCKING SON

YES GLENN. REFLECT BITCH-

"i didn't see a lot of taylor's growing up, and that was- that was- we're cool now, right taylor?" "fuck yea dawgggg. well-" HERE IT COMES

I AM HEEDING THE WARNINGS

"if i'm gonna be honest dad, i've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time and you could be there for me" imma go ahead an roll a d20 of psychic damage- ah, a nat20 damage, yea that seems about righ- HIS VOICE HOW IT WENT ALL SOFT AND QUIET AND SHY AND THE COMPLETE FUCKING OPPOSITE OF HOW HE IS USUALLY OH SHIT OH FUCK

NICKY ROLL PSYCHIC DAMAGE BOI-

"as a result i have developed a number of very bad habits, that i am told are very hard to break"

"it's too late"

"but you know if there is time travel magic, then y'know maybe- or if you find it, you can maybe, pick me up on the way back to the past" HIS VOICE, THE MAYBES-

"we're just 3 cool guys" "well-"

"i didn't even know where you were"

I'M SORRY- THREE (3) YEARS????

NICKY NO- DON'T-

more memories??? MORE MEMORIES??? OH NO-

OUCH OUCH OUCH O U C H-

HE'S DONE WITH KARATE- NO- NO NO NO N O

FUCKING HELL FUCK ME-

sorry, i have strong feeling w/ regards to parents not showing up to (sprots) stuff

~a pattern~

YES LINK, STARE DAGGERS INTO HIM, DEFEND YOUR QPR BESTIE

the- the fanfics were right (glenn keeping his distance not wanting to fuck nicky up but consequentially fucking nicky up)

"as you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks. And in that moment, you and Taylor and Nick, all realise that there is no fixing this, that this is as good as it's going to get. That you are stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddymagic, that same daddymagic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate for their bodies like a fine mist coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more, cause that's what your relationship is..." what if i- what if i lost it? right here right now?

gosh i DID NOT heed the warnings oh noooooooo

i'm sorry- the US MILITARY? oh fbi too

hahahahahahahah ha hah h a what? JODIE AND MORGAN ARE IN CUFFS-

GLENN LISTEN TO JODIE FFS

"i'd like to see you try" "hey is glenn immune to bullets?"

LINK KING OF HELLL HEYYYYYYYYYY-

NORMAL NO. BESTIE I LOVE YOU HECK I AM YOU BUT FUCK NO-

"dude- both of us look at each other - fear, fear in taylor's eyes. like, what the fuck are we getting into? why did i open my mouth?" FEAR IN TAYLOR'S EYES??? FEAR????

I'M SORRY? THE CAGE????

FIGHT TO THE DEATH??? NOOOOOOOOOOO

In conclusion:

I am now obsessed with Taylor Swift (Freddie's version)

[sergeifyodorov]

13, 14, 18, & 26 for the asks thing please?

sorry it took so long to get to this omg ok

13. a player you know you wouldn’t vibe with

most of them let's be real. i am going to pick an out of left field option and say mitchie marns. look i love the guy. worlds sweetest sweetheart. best hockey player in the world WHO is connor mcdavid. but he is so LOUD im sorry i have sensory issues T_T

14. a player you would get along with

i could stitch n bitch with igor shesterkin all day . also ken dryden but he is an old man (literally not hockeywise) so i feel as if he doesn't count.

18. who would be on your dream hockey team

SERGEI FEDOROV!!! ok my dream hockey team can resurrect everyone from the dead and plunk them back into hockey at peak form. forward positions only kind of nebulously count. salary cap means nothing. i am trying to win obviously but also not including some guys because we can't have everything. for our 12 forwards we are going:

slava kozlov/igor larionov/sergei fedorov (larionov and sons)

paul kariya/steve yzerman/mitch marner (babygirl line)

connor mcdavid/auston matthews/elias pettersson (gay centres line)

alexander ovechkin/gordie howe/jaromir jagr (indestructible line)

for our 6 defencemen let's have

quinn hughes/luke hughes (i think the connection here is obvious)

morgan rielly/erik karlsson (get sillay with it)

slava fetisov/vladdy konstantinov (complete the russian 5)

and now GOALIES.

vladdy tretiak (we dont talk enough about him.)

ken dryden (come back from law school we need u)

juuse saros (i am allowed to pick 3 goalies. in fact)

26. if you were gm of your favourite team for a day what would you do?

unfortunately a day is not a lot of time but we are OVER the cap and i need to get us UNDER THE CAP. let's make use of those ELCs folks! i am getting rid of lafferty and reaves (sorry ryan...), seeing if i can get picks back for them. probably not much for reavo he's ancient and has a terrible contract (might have to do a pick exchange. heyyyy chicago you can have our third AND this mentor/protector for your sacred child if you give us a fifth or something in return.) but lafferty is oooh speedy and a leaf i could probably squeeze a second out of him if i threw in a fringe marlie or something. icing connor timmins as a forward. bringing up holmberg and nicky bobby. We Ride.

[quensty]

rules: answer 20 questions then tag 20 ppl you want to get to know better! i was tagged by @nightquills who is an absolute angel & the only person here i respect 

i should mention that i’ve changed all the “favorite __” questions to be plural bc i hate picking one of anything. the bisexuality jumped out. 

name: most ppl here call me vivian!! but my legal name is pinche tonta

nickname(s): my friends who knew me in elementary school still call me rocky. pls dont ask me to explain while i still have a shred of dignity left

zodiac: this is the third time someone has said their moon and sun sign when tagging me in these things and i still have no fuckin clue what that means. i’m a pisces and i know nothing beyond that 

height: tall

languages: spanish and english! and an update on the last time i answered this question: i now know five words in sign language lets go! my moms big brain is working overtime to accomplish this

nationality: estadounidense and mexican 

favorite seasons: will i ever not love summer? no. i love the heat and the sun baby! but the fall time really puts me in the perfect balance between wearing nice clothes and not having to shave 

favorite flowers: do i know anything about flowers? absolutely not. cempasuchitl? it’s the only one i know and frankly i can live w that 

favorite scents: mint! fresh linens! tea! freshly brewed coffee! i can go on & thats a threat 

favorite colors: i LOVE olive green! and the soft lighter shades of blue and yellow! oh and pink? i’m her number one bitch. 

favorite animals: i read ahead for once in my life so i will not go off about how much i love dogs. yet. so i should say that ever since i wrote that thing for v for her bday i haven’t gone a single day not thinking about horses. oh! turtles! those dudes just float around. the dream tbh. 

favorite fictional character: u don’t understand. u cannot comprehend how long i’ve been waiting for someone to write the perfect neurotic, too loud, too talkative, indiscreet, bisexual mexican kid who lacks all sense of self-perseverance and has an emotional intelligence of zero. that person being alex claremont-diaz from rwrb. we all need someone to project on and i have dibs on this one. him and nicky hemmick. 

coffee, hot tea, or hot chocolate: coffee is okay but if i drink too much it makes me want to throw myself off a cliff. i only drink hot chocolate if my grandma makes it. i swear to god no person in the us knows how to make a good fuckin cup. so that leaves tea! she’s valid 

average sleep: maybe 4 hours for the last two weeks and yes i do hate it

dog or cat person: dogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dogs!!!!!!!!!!! DOG. i love those sons of bitches!!!!!!!! the fuck!!!!!!! they just live their life like i love this one person and i run and jump when i’m excited, just living life baby! and thats the energy i want! but i respect cats

number of blankets: i usually sleep w two blankets? do not ask me how many i own

dream trip: i want to go to a beach! i’m DYING to go to a fuckin beach bro! i want to live my turtle dream 

blog established: i have no damn clue and have no idea how to check and honestly i’m fine w that 

followers: another thing i’ve never checked and am perfectly fine never checking. my best guess is 5 

random fact: i have a cut on my finger bc i went too hard with the lotion this morning 

i’m tagging @somewhereoverthebifrost, @minnute, @enbyofdionysos, @kaikamahine, @sillsif, @pistengyawa, and @hellcyeon! first of all, i’m surprised if any of u actually read to the end of this. second of all, if ur tagged but are looking at this like “ew” thats completely valid and u shouldn’t feel pressured! if ur not tagged but thinking “oo” u should completely fuckin do it and tag me! 

[duchessanon]

For the Love of Henri: Tome 5 - Kiss From A Rose

Here's what you missed: https://royalfandombible.blogspot.com/2019/01/for-love-of-henri-my-fanfiction.html

What you missed in summary: Prince Henri married a beautiful pauper girl named Philanthropina (Phily). Together they had baby Libby and adopted Prince George. His evil brother and sister in law were banished from the kingdom for their evil deeds. All was well until Henri decided to bid on Meghan Markle at a charity function. She then bid on the outcast Cambridges. Kate and Meg decided to come together to overthrow Phily.

---

At the footstep of the not £4 million cottage, Henri, Meghan Markle, Willy, Kate and Charlotte stood in anticipation.

Henri put his best stern face on. 'Now I must set some ground rules before we go in. My darling Phily will not be expecting any houseguests. You MUST behave, wear undergarments at all times and not use curse words. All that agree say "aye"'.

Everyone said aye apart from Charlotte who said 'aye aye me bastard'.

Henri gasped in dismay. But Kate, who was keen to impress Henri did the unexpected and disciplined her child.

'Charlotte, wash your mouth out! No Game of Thrones for you tonight'.

'BUSYBODY!!!' Charlotte screamed.

Just then the door of the humble cottage opened and a light so bright emerged. It was so heavenly that it took a moment to notice it was coming from Phily and her cherub of her baby daughter, Libby.

'Speak of the devil and she will come' Willy snickered, and Kate elbowed him in the nethers.

'Henri my love, is everything ok?' she asked sweetly. 'I heard a commotion'.

Phily was dressed the same haggard, brown ensemble she was wearing the day they met. She was not ashamed of her roots as a pauper girl.

'Yes my dear' Henri stuttered, kissing her soiled, hardworking feet. 'We have some visitors'.

Phily was no doubt surprised to see the Cambridges and a random beautiful woman on her door step. But she would never turn anyone away from her door.

'Come in brother, sister and unknown woman', she said selflessly.

During this interaction, Meg had been quietly observing. She needed to be smart if she was going to win over Henri's heart. But every one knew a way to a man's heart is through his nethers, so she touched him on the place she knew to be every man's weak spot - his back.

Henri was startled at the feel someone's hand on his back. No-one did that apart from Phily. But not in a domineering way, in a gentle, supportive way that never implied he was a cuckhold. He knew it could be no one but Meghan Markle. But instead of disgust, Henri felt that uncontrolable nether shudder.

As Phily welcomed the Cambridges, Charlotte greeted her brother George and Libby by rapping Nicki Minaj's 'Monster' while standing on Phily's self made, recycled, environmentally friendly dinner table.

"OK first things first I'll eat your brains Then I'm a start rocking gold teeth and fangs 'cause that's what a motherfucking monster do Hair dresser from Milan that's the monster do

Monster Giuseppe heel, that's the monster shoe

Big Lizzie is the roster and a monster crew

But really, really I don't give a F-U-C-K Forget Georgie, fuck Libby 'cause she's fake She's on a diet but her pockets eating cheese cake And I'll say bride of Chucky is Child's play Just killed another career it's a mild day

Now look at what you just saw This is what you live for Aaaahhh, I'm a motherfucking monster!"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTkEpkGKgoY

The next morning Henri explained that their visitors were only there for 5 days as per the rules of the auction. Phily cooked up a sustainable breakfast and to her shock Kate offered to wash everything up.

'They really have changed' Phily said to Henri, who was weaving baskets for the poor with Libby. 'Even William is taking an interest in his son', she smiled in a motherly way.

Willy and George were weaving baskets next to the window, out of earshot.

'I hate this place!' George said sulkily 'they make me go to a pauper school that they dont have to pay for'.

'You dont say', Willy said smirking, his limited cogs turning in his brain. 'They took a school place from a pauper child, did they?'

'Don't even try it Pops. They offset it by building a new wing of the school with their bare hands and that stupid Phily volunteers as a music teacher too.'

'Ass lickers' Willy scowled. He really hoped he could get in touch with all the tabloids and plant negative stories.

Despite this setback, Willy was happy to see that nature had won over nurture and George had demanded to change his name back from Philip, and had not given in to doing any philanthropy.

Over at the kitchen sink, Kate had enlisted help from Meg with the dishes.

'Right bitch, how we gonna get rid that busybody Phily?' Kate said licking a plate clean and handing it to Meg to dry with Phily's wedding dress, which she had mistaken for a dishcloth.

'Well H will be a breeze, when I passed him after I'd taken a dump this morning, I saw him slap his nethers', Meg said sneakily.

Kate cackled, 'today's the day you make your move, I'll distract Phily, you get him to kiss you, George will take a photo and tweet it to Piers Morgan and we're done!'

'How you gonna distract her?' Meg asked.

Kate winked at Meg. At least she tried, but she couldnt wink so she just blinked instead. 'Watch and learn from the master'.

Kate stumbled into the basket weaving area, clutching her stomach, 'oooh ouch owwww ooooh'.

Phily ran over immediately. With her medical degree, she could solve any problem, 'sister, whatever is the matter?'

Just then, Kate pulled up her skirt, revealing a small head. 'I-i-i-i'm giving birth!'

'WHAT THE FUCK!' Charlotte screamed.

Willy stayed where he was and said nonchlantly, 'you're preggers again?'

'What does it look like dipshit! Sorry Phily I dont mean to curse, it's just painful you know?'

Phily tried to understand, but in reality pain during childbirth is the one thing on earth she couldnt relate to, for hers was pain free.

Ushering Kate onto the handmade couch, Phily went into full midwife mode, sending Henri to get warm towels.

Kate blinked as a signal to Meg and she followed him up the ricketty staircase.

At the towel cupboard upstairs, Meg began to sob.

'Oh dear, Meghan, what be the matter?!' Henri asked with a genuine concern that his brother could never muster.

Meg sniffed, pulling out her best acting skills, 'oh it's just so emotional seeing new life coming into the world'

'There there' said Henri, patting her on the arm.

'Oh H!' she wailed, falling into his arms. She puckered up her lips and launched at his mouth. But before she could land the kiss, Henri turned his cheek.

Around the corner, George snapped the photo using a camera he'd stolen from 'that cry baby' photographer Garther Tedwards.

Although Henri's nethers were now beating like the Beychella marching band, his love for Phily overwhelmed him.

'Stop Meghan Markle! I beg of you', he hollered .

Meg was taken aback by his rejection, 'I'm so sorry H! Please forgive me'. She fled down the ricketty staircase.

Kate was on the couch legs akimbo screaming expletives at Willy, who was now reluctantly sitting next to his wife to assist with the birth.

"FUCK YOU!!!! DID I ASK YOU TO SIT NEXT TO ME YOU BASTARD/BITCH???? FUCK YOU CUNTHOLE!!! FUCK YOU!!!"

Willy chuckled to himslef as he remembered Henri's ex girlfriend, the beautiful Jimmu, who had now somehow possessed Kate.

"IF THIS FUNNY TO YOU NOW??? BLOODY CUNTING BITCH!!! FUCK YOU CUNT!!! FUCK OFF & SHOWVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS YOU CUNT!!! FUCKING WHORE!!! NOW YOUR OFF MY NICE LIST YOU CUNT!!!"

Meghan held up an X sign to show Kate the plan had failed, which didn't help the situation.

Shortly after, Henri emerged with George and Garthur's camera, trying to explain why stealing was wrong. Curiously, the Cambridge children were the only children in the entire world Henri could not make like him.

After a few long minutes, the baby was ready to come out. Kate pushed one more time and felt something drop onto the couch.

'Is it out?!!!' she yelled.

Phily checked, 'no sister, you've just passed your bowels. Not to worry, keep trying'.

Kate was enraged that Phily would suggest this. 'All I'm good for is making babies, you think I dont know the difference bitch! YOUR BORN A PAUPER & YET YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU EWITH YOUR SHIT COMMENT??? FUCK OFF MOTHER FUCKER I DIDN’T ASK YOU"'

Phily, remaining calm, picked up the brown item with her bare hands, noting in her head that Kate should eat more fruit, and showed it to her.

Kate grabbed the excrement at once and threw it in Willy's face. This delighted Charlotte who danced around him in a circle chanting 'shit face, shit face'.

Finally, sick of being inside such a woman, the baby pushed itself out and landed in Phily's arms. 'William, Catherine - it's a boy', she beamed.

The Camridges faked happiness, but Henri and Phily were genuinely delighted.

'What will you call him?' Phily said, cradling the baby as Kate wanted to watch Real Housewives rather than hold him.

'Shit baby!' Charlotte suggested, but no one agreed.

'Well actually he could have a name related to his arrival' Willy said. 'How about Loo?'

'Loo is the British slang term for toilet' Henri explained to Meg.

'I have an idea!' Meg said. 'Louis - but like Loo - wee'. Kate shrugged in agreeement. 

'You want to name this cherub after a toilet and urine?' Phily asked, feeling sorry for the baby despite the fact he was biting her finger with his gummy mouth.

'You have a problem with my parenting decisions Phily?' Kate asked, almost threateningly.

'Never!' Phily gasped in horror. She would never dream of being so stupid as to judge a woman on what she named, or how she held her baby.

'Charlotte darling, why dont you sing a little song to celebrate Loowee's arrival' Willy said.

Charlotte immediately began a rendition of Lily Allen's 'Fuck you'.

"Fuck you Fuck you very, very much 'Cause your words don't translate And it's getting quite late So please don't stay in touch Do you get Do you get a little kick out of being slow-minded? You want to be like your father It's approval you're after Well that's not how you find it"

 ***Musical interlude***  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK4fJhbRL1g

---

Two days later, while Phily, Henri and Libby were on an engagement, Meghan finally got a chance to speak to Kate again. She had been busy watching the Real Housewives marathon and telling Loowee to pipe down.

'What we gonna do about H?' Meg asked. 'He's been avoiding me since Loowee's birth'

'It's obvious he's not gonna ditch that halfwit willingly. We gotta get rid of her - for good! It's time for drastic action'. Kate pressed her engagement ring, she had a button installed in it so it would send a shock up Willy's ass when she needed him.

Willy came running, 'yes babykins?'

'Gimme your phone'.

Willy handed it over relutantly. Kate opened his messages and found his conversation with someone only identified by a Rose emoji. She texted quickly - 'get 2 Nott Cott now'.

Five minutes later there was a knock at the door. When Meg opened it, a woman who could have been a Kate impersonator stood before her. 

'Meg, Rose, Rose, Meg' Kate said, not bothering with formal introductions. Willy looked sheepish in the corner (allegedly).

Meg didnt know who Rose allegedly was but she didn't care. She just wanted to know how she could help her ensnare H.

Kate explained the plan. 'As soon as Phily gets home, we're gonna feed her an apple dosed with botox. Phily is allergic to anything superficial so she'll become drowsy. That's where Rose comes in. She's a witch and with one kiss, Phily will be gone.'

Meg considered the implications of killing the future queen, but came to the conclusion it was worth it.

And so the plan was set. Meg wrote 'you are so loved Phily' on an apple and Kate injected it with the botox she always kept in her bra.

When Phily got home, she was full of the joys of spring. 'We met the most wonderful disadvantaged people today', she beamed. 'I just love saving people'.

Henri smiled lovingly at his wife, 'and they love you, belle'.

'Speaking of love!' Meg said. 'You must take this gift'. She handed her the apple and Phily was touched.

'How wonderful! I will eat it later' she said.

'No you must eat it now sister' Kate said, wearing a full hooded cloak.

'But it's time for dinner' said Phily.

'So what, eat it!' George said impatiently.

'Yeh Phily, why you gotta be so busybody?' Charlotte added.

'Oh no I really shouldnt' Phily said innocently.

'Just eat the fucking apple!' said a voice from the window. They all turned around and Philpot was riding past on his horse and cart.

'Well if grandfather says so' Phily said. She bit into the apple and immediately felt a little faint as the botox hit her pure blood.

Elegantly, she fell into Henri's big, strong arms.

'Mon amour!' Henri yelled, carrying her up the ricketty stairs swiftly.

'Oh no, what has happened?' Meg said. Her acting ability really was wasted on Suits.

'There must've been something artificial in the apple' Henri said, laying her on their handmade bed.

'How could there be?' said Kate. 'It's from your very own Orchard For the Hungry'.

Phily was still breathing but was confused.

Henri was devestated at the thought that his orchard might be to blame.

'It's ok Henners, I know a great doctor that is THE expert on allergies'. Meg said.

Just then there was a knock at the bedroom door and Rose allegedly entered wearing a white doctor's coat.

'Here she is now, this is Dr Rose, allegedly', Meg said.

Henri didnt have time to question how she got there so fast, so just said in a panicked voice, 'Dr Allegedly, please help my wife!'

'Everyone who is male and under 2 years of age must leave the room' said Rose.

'No I can not leave her!' Henri wailed, falling at Phily's bedside.

George at once knew it was his time to shine because his father was too dimwitted to defuse this situation.

'Uncle Henri, please could you tell me again why one should never dress as a member of a fascist, murdering political party? I just dont understand why it's so bad' George said sweetly.

Henri knew at once that his greater calling was to teach George right from wrong. It is what Phily would want.

He left the room with one last glance at Phily who was humming 'Once upon a dream'.

That left Kate, Meg, Rose, Charlotte and Phily.

'Get it done Rose!' whispered Kate.

'In order for the enchantment to work, you must all join hands and sing the death kiss soundtrack, the underrated classic 'Kiss from a rose' by Seal'.

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMD2TwRvuoU

Rose kissed Phily on the lips, as the others encircled them singing hypnotically.

A pink mist left Phily's mouth and was inhaled by Rose. 'It is done'.

There was a moment of silence before Kate fell at Rose's feet and looked deeply in her eyes as she sang.

"You remain

My power, my pleasure, my pain.

To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah

Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.

But did you know, That when it snows,

My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."

Meg gasped. She had been foolish. It was Kate who was allegedly having an affair with Rose, not allegedly Willy!

She didnt have time for that revelation now. She needed to check Phily was really gone.

Checking her pulse, she waited for a few moments until suddenly she felt it beat.

'Damn it Rose, she's alive!' Meg said, losing her temper.

'ARE YOU DUMB, BITCH??!' screamed Charlotte.

Rose rushed over from her alleged embrace with Kate, who had shed her cloak and was now in a real snake skin body suit.

She checked her pulse, and discovered Meg was correct. Her pulse was beating every 19.84 seconds - the year of Henri's birth.

'Oh fuck' Rose allegedly said. 'I've only heard about this happening in fairytales. When the love between husband and wife is pure, the kiss will not work to its full effect'.

Meg screamed into her hands. 'How can it be pure when H's nethers react to me?'

'That is simply a test from Jesu. The point is, Henri has resisted your advances, thus proving the purity of his love'. Rose explained to the room.

At this point, Charlotte lost it. She wanted to be back in her £4 million apartment, not this shitty dive.

'I don’t need a damn explanation about what she asked. Seriously do not act too smart about teaching me things. Asshole answer the question do not even try to be a bloody smart ass. Seriously pisses me off!!!' she yelled.

Rose looked at Kate quizically.

'A bout of Jimmutitus' Kate shrugged.

'What do we do?!' Meg said desperately.

'As long as Henri doesnt suck Phily's toe, the curse will remain in place and the princess will remain in a slumber forever' said Rose.

Kate stroked her chin, 'so technically, we could just SAY Phily's dead? As long as we keep any qualified medical staff away from her?'.

'I guess' Rose said. 'Can I go now?'.

'Yeah, bye', Kate said.

'How are we gonna keep everyone away from Phily?' Meg asked. 

By this point Kate was running out of patience with her co-conspirator and her incessant questions.

'HEY FUCKER, DID I ASK YOU ANYTHING???? DID I??? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!' Kate screamed.

'Uh oh you've done it now' Charlotte sniggered.

Meghan was stunned, 'but I-i-i-i was just asking, we're running out of time'

'WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU BITCH FOR YOUR SHIT OPINION??? BLOODY FUCKING BITCH!!! GET A LIFE!!!'

'Ok ok I'm sorry Kate!'

'MAYBE IF YOU HAD SHUT THE FUCK UP I WOULDN'T BE SCOLDING YOU NOW!!! FUCKER!!! Just shut up and let me think'.

Kate closed her eyes and thought for approximately 10 seconds. In the meantime, Charlotte took off her sock and stuffed it in Meg's mouth to stop any more questions.

When Kate was done thinking, she strode over to the window and flung it open. Beneath her was the sprawling gardens of Kensington Palace.

She took a deep breath and yodelled out of the window 'EUUUUUUGBEEEEEEEEEEEEEA!!!!!!'

Meghan wanted to ask who Eugbea was but she didnt dare.

Within 5 seconds, a figure came running up the lawn. Charlotte leant on the window frame watching the woman run 'urgh her dress is SO tragic'.

'Meg get over here, lean your head back like this', Kate said.

Both woman stuck their heads out of the window and their hair tumbled to the ground.

When Eugbea reached the bottom of the window, she said 'I think I should go up the stairs'

'SHOVE WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!!! Get up here!' Kate hollered.

Eugbea knew better than to argue and began climbing up the wall using the hair as ropes. Finally she made it to the top and clambered into the bedroom.

As soon as she saw Phily lying unconscious on the bed, she let out an inhumane wail. Phily was like the sister Eugbea never had.

'There there, let it out' Kate said, patting her back, suddenly kind. Charlotte stood underneath her catching her tears in her hands.

As usual, Meghan was perplexed so Charlotte filled her in whispering 'this is Eugbea, a blood princess. Blood princesses cry diamond tears so I'm collecting them to make a cage for Phily.'

Meg didnt understand how Charlotte had worked all of this out in the minute that had gone past, but she wanted it to work so bad that she too patted Eugbea's back.

Eugbea turned around nervously at the touch, 'w-w-who are you?'

'No time for that' Kate said, poking her in the eye.

Eugbea cried even more until there were enough diamonds to build the cage.

At once, Charlotte threw the diamonds in the air and they cascaded down in the shape of a dome around Phily, creating a solid diamond barrier.

Once they had ensured nobody could get through it by repeatedly shoving Eugbea against it, Kate pushed her back out of the window and slammed it shut.

'We ready girls? Put on your best sad faces'. They all turned their smiles upside down and Kate pressed her engagement ring.

Willy came flying up the stairs with the boys and Libby. Henri stormed towards his love.

'What is this!' he asked in dismay, looking at Phily through the dome.

Meg began to cry dramatically, 'Dr Rose did everything she could but it wasnt enough, she's gone!!!'

Henri fell flat on his back like a plank, 'NoOoOoOoOoOoOoooooooOOOO!'

Libby ran over and began to sing 'Memory' from Cats in a beautiful operatic voice (the musical version, not the movie one because Libby had refined tastes).

"Touch meeeeee,

It is so easy to leave meeeeee

All alone with the memoryyyyyyyy

Of my days in the suuun

If you touch me,

You'll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day has beguuuuuuuuun"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm5w7gHEtJI

----

No public outcry was big enough for Phily. So the royal family decided to send her diamond tomb around the commonwealth via boat (not environmentally unfriendly jet) so her people could say goodbye personally. She was pulled over dying land on a horse and cart, and people threw seeds at her tomb instead of flowers. This meant that the land would become nourished once more.

Even when dead, Phily was working.

After 6 months of travelling, she returned to the UK and was placed in the Windsor Castle tomb with all the greatest kings and queens of England. Luckily for Meg, no one had noticed that Phily was indeed alive.

Henri was devestated but continued to work, alongside Libby.

The public love for Phily had meant that the Cambridges were provisionally forgiven and they moved back into KP on the condition that they undertook at least one engagement a year.

Meghan Markle had remained in Nottingham Cottage to support Henri while flying (not boating) back and forth to Canada to film her show Suits.

Meg had not tried to seduce Henri's nethers as she knew she must gain the public's trust first and act as a good friend.

But she couldnt wait any longer. Since Kate had moved home, she wanted nothing more to do with Meg, so she had concocted a new plan all by herself.

One evening, Henri was carving scultptures for the PPPCT - Princess Philanthropina Pauper Conservation Trust. Meg was in the kitchen roasting a chicken and wafting the smell towards Henri to replicate the cozy vibes Phily always managed to make.

'H, I was thinking for the 6 months anniversary of Phily's passing, we should have an event, the public need to be cheered up' she said, sounding philanthropic.

'A wonderful idea to think of the people of Britain and the commomwealth Meghan, what shall we do?'

'Mmmmmm, well what cheers the British more than anything?' she asked innocently.

'There are only 2 things that cheer Brits. Winning a sport and a royal wedding for a SENIOR member of the family', Henri said.

Meg smirked to herself, he'd bought it hook, line and sinker. 'We cant cheat in sport so maybe a royal wedding is our only option!'

'But we have no single members left that are loved enough' H said dumbly.

Meg rolled her eyes behind his back. 'Well you are single H, and no one is more loved than you!'

H gasped. 'I couldn't!'

Meg, wearing a British flag dress batted her eyelashes. 'Phily is gone and she'd want you to be happy. But she'd want you to make the British people happier'.

H thought for 1.5 seconds and decided she was right. He scolded himself for being selfish, Phily WOULD want him to serve the people above anything else.

'You're right Meghan, but who would I marry?'

'It's funny you asked because I found this in between Phily's reuable sanitary pads' she pulled out a ring box and opened it. Inside was a diamond engagement ring. 'Phily must have had it made, just in case this happened'.

H wept, 'oh my love was so kind!'.

Meg accidently on purpose dropped it on the floor and when Henri gallantly bent on one knee to pick it up, she yelled 'YES!'

'Um what?'

'YES I'LL MARRY YOU!' she grabbed Henri by the collar and pulled him into a hug, planting a big kiss on his perfect lips.

Henri was speechless. It seemed he had just proposed.

And just like that, Meghan Markle and Henri, the Prince of the People, were engaged to be married!

[agron-rps]

Current Lip Sync Songs Masterlist

Listed in alphabetical order by song title.

A.

Aaron’s Party - Aaron Carter   (Richard Harmon, Pink: Round 1)

Africa-Toto   (Camila Mendes, Pink: Round 1)

Ain’t My Fault- Zara Larsson  (Nina Dobrev, Green: Round 2)

Ain’t No Other Man- Christina Aguilera  (Tyler Seguin, Orange: Round 2)

Ain’t Your Mama- Jennifer Lopez   (Perrie Edwards, Gold: Round 2)

All Eyez On Me- 2Pac   (Stephen James Hendry, Red: Round 2)

All I Do Is Win- DJ Khaled  (Sophia Bush, Pink: Round 1)

All The Small Things- Blink 182  (KJ Apa, Blue: Round 1)

Alpha Omega- MGK   (Dylan O’Brien, Orange: Round 2)

American Girl- Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers  (Elizabeth Olsen, White: Round 1)

Applause- Lady Gaga   (Courtney Act, Gold: Round 1)

Auston Matthews- SVDVM  (Auston Matthews, Red: Round 2)

B.

Baby One More Time- Britney Spears   (Ashley Benson, Purple: Round 2)

Back To Black- Amy Winehouse   (KJ Apa, Blue: Round 2)

Bad At Love- Halsey  (Hailey Baldwin, Red: Round 1)

Bad Blood- Taylor Swift  (Matt Daddario, Gold: Round 2)

Bad Medicine- Bon Jovi   (Sharon Needles, Blue: Round 2)

Barbie Girl- Aqua   (Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Turquoise: Round 2)

Beauty and The Beat- Justin Bieber   (Sarah Drew, Blue: Round 1)

Believer - Imagine Dragons  (Lili Reinhart, Red: Round 2)

Best of Both Worlds- Hannah Montana   (Alfie Deyes, Pink: Round 2)

Bet On It- Zac Efron   (Zac Efron, Orange: Round 2)

Bitch- Meredith Brooks   (Lily James, Pink: Round 2)

Black Widow- Iggy Azalea feat. Rita Ora  (Jennifer Morrison Blue: Round 1)

Blow Your Mind (Mwah)- Dua Lipa   (Adelaide Kane, Yellow: Round 2)

Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen  (Taylor Swift, Green: Round 1)

Born To Run- Bruce Springsteen  (Troian Bellisario, Blue Round 1)

Bottoms Up - Trey Songz feat. Nicki Minaj  (Eliza Taylor, Green: Round 2)

Bye Bye Bye- NSYNC  (Darren Criss, White: Round 1)

C.

Cake By The Ocean- DNCE   (Olivia Holt, Green: Round 1)

Can’t Stop The Feeling- Justin Timberlake   (Chris Wood, Blue: Round 2)

Careless Whisper - George Michael  (Karlie Kloss, Pink: Round 1)

Caught Up - Usher  (Richard Harmon, Pink: Round 2)

Celebrity Status- Mariana’s Trench  (Marie Avgeropoulos, Yellow: Round 1)

Chandelier- Sia   (Marzia Bigonin, Yellow: Round 2)

Chantaje- Shakira   (Paulo Dybala, Orange: Round 1)

Chunky - Bruno Mars  (Joe Jonas, Green: Round 1)

Come To My Window- Melissa Etheridge   (Elizabeth Olsen, White: Round 2)

Confident- Demi Lovato  (Nina Dobrev, Green: Round 1)

Cool Girl- Tove Lo   (Adelaide Kane, Yellow: Round 1)

Cruella De Vil- Selena Gomez   (Genevieve Gaunt, Gold: Round 2)

D.

Daddy Lessons - Beyonce (Zendaya, Yellow: Round 1)

Dance Dance- Fall Out Boy  (Rose McIver, White: Round 1) 

Despacito-Luis Fonsi feat. Daddy Yankee  (Auston Matthews, Red: Round 1)

Dick In A Box- Justin Timberlake   (Katie Cassidy, White: Round 2)

Dirrty- Christina Aguilera  (Marie Avgeropoulos, Yellow: Round 2)

Diva- Beyonce   (Saoirse Ronan, Pink: Round 1)

Dog Days Are Over- Florence and The Machine   (Toby Regbo, Orange: Round 1)

Don’t Blame Me- Taylor Swift   (Keegan Allen, Red: Round 2)

Don’t Cry For Me Argentina- Madonna   (Bianca Del Rio, Gold: Round 2)

Drop It Like It’s Hot- Snoop feat. Pharrell  (Tom Holland, Gold: Round 1)

Dream On- Aerosmith   (Delta Goodrem, Orange: Round 1)

Drummer Boy - Misterwives (Sarah Hyland, Purple: Round 1)

E.

Emperor’s New Clothes- Panic! At The Disco  (Charlie Heaton, Turquoise: Round 2)

Encore/Numb mashup- Jay Z and Linkin Park   (Katie Cassidy, White: Round 1)

Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)-Backstreet Boys   (Dominic Sherwood, Turquoise: Round 1)

Everybody Wants To Rule The World- Tears For Fears   (Danielle Panabaker, Green: Round 1)

Ex Factor- Lauryn Hill  (Tori Kelly, Orange: Round 1)

Express- Christina Aguilera from Burlesque   (Olivia Holt, Green: Round 2)

Eye To Eye- From The Goofy Movie   (Brendan Urie, Green: Round 2)

F.

Felices Los 4- Maluma   (Paulo Dybala, Orange: Round 2)

Fight Song- Rachel Platten  (Madelaine Petsch, Pink: Round 1)

Filthy- Justin Timberlake   (Justin Bieber, Gold: Round 1)

Finesse- Bruno Mars feat. Cardi B.  (Dianna Agron, Blue: Round 2)

Flawless- Beyonce   (Amber Heard, White: Round 2)

Footloose- Kenny Loggins   (Jack Lowden, Turquoise: Round 2)

Forgot About Dre- Dr. Dre feat. Eminem  (Stephen Amell, Turquoise: Round 2)

Free Your Mind- En Vogue  (Tori Kelly, Orange: Round 2)

Fuck You- Lily Allen   (Selena Gomez, Purple: Round 1)

G.

Galway Girl- Ed Sheeran  (Domhnall Gleeson, Yellow: Round 2)

Gangsta’s Paradise- Coolio feat L.V.   (Lily Collins, Blue: Round 1)

Gas Pedal (cover)- Mike Stud  (Tyler Seguin, Orange: Round 1)

Girl I Know- Avenged Sevenfold   (Hailey Baldwin, Red: Round 2)

Girl Next Door - Saving Jane  (Eliza Taylor, Green: Round 1)

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper  (Zac Efron, Orange: Round 1)

Give Your Heart A Break- Demi Lovato   (Adore Delano, Yellow: Round 1)

Gold Digger- Kanye West   (Phoebe Tonkin, Green: Round 2)

Gotta Tell You - Samantha Mumba  (Caity Lotz, Yellow: Round 1)

Green Light- Lorde   (Lily Collins, Blue: Round 2)

Gucci Gang- Lil Pump  (Henry Cavill, Orange: Round 1)

Gust Of Wind- Pharrell feat. Daft Punk  (Bill Skarsgard, White: Round 1)

H.

Hallelujah- Rufus Weinwright  (Blake Lively, Turquoise: Round 1)

Happy- Pharrell   (Witney Carson, Yelllow: Round 1)

Harder To Breathe- Maroon 5.  (Chris Evans, White: Round 1)

Havana- Camila Cabello  (Bella Hadid, Yellow: Round 1)

Heartbreaker- Pat Benatar   (Willa Holland, Yellow: Round 1)

Hello-Adele   (Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Turquoise: Round 1)

Here I Go Again- Whitesnake   (Skeet Ulrich, Purple: Round 2)

Hips Don’t Lie- Shakira  (Gal Gadot, Red: Round 2)

Holding Out For A Hero- Bonnie Tyler   (Benedict Cumberbatch, Red: Round 1)

Hold Me Tight Or Don’t - Fall Out Boy  

Hold On We’re Going Home-Drake feat. Majid Jordan  (Alycia Debnam-Carey, Blue: Round 1)

Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes. (Zoe Sugg, Orange: Round 1)

Honey, I’m Good - Andy Grammar  (Grant Gustin, Red: Round 1)

Hook-Blue’s Traveler   (Roman Josi, Green: Round 1)

Hopeless Wanderer- Mumford and Sons  (Alex Galchenyuk, Orange: Round 2)

Hound Dog- Elvis Presley   (Bob Morley, Blue: Round 1)

Hot In Herre- Nelly  (Bob Morley, Blue: Round 2)

Hotline Bling - Drake (Zendaya, Yellow: Round 2)

Hot ‘N Cold- Katy Perry  (Kendall Jenner, White: Round 1)

How Long - Charlie Puth

Humble- Kendrick Lamar   (Taylor Hill, Gold: Round 1)

I.

I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith   (Chris Wood, Blue: Round 1)

I Get Off-Halestorm   (Alexandra Park, Blue: Round 2)

I Just Had Sex-  The Lonely Island feat. Akon  (Sophia Bush, Pink: Round 2)

I Like it - Enrique Iglesias (Crystal Reed, Yellow: Round 1)

I’m Real- Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule   (Emily Bett Rickards, Purple: Round 2)

I Wanna Dance With Somebody- Whitney Houston   (Ashleigh Murray, Blue: Round 1)

I Want It That Way-Backstreet Boys   (Taissa Farmiga, Turquoise: Round 1)

I Want To Break Free- Queen   (Adam Devine, Blue: Round 2)

I Was Made For Loving You- KISS  (Adam Devine, Blue: Round 1)

I Write Sins Not Tragedies- Panic! At The Disco  (Rose McIver, White: Round 2)

Ice, Ice, Baby - Vanilla Ice  (Melissa Benoist, Turquoise: Round 2)

Idiot Boyfriend- Jimmy Fallon   (Margot Robbie, Pink: Round 2)

IDGAF- Dua Lipa   (Harry Styles, Pink: Round 1)

If I Had You- Adam Lambert   (Bill Skarsgard, White: Round 2)

If U Seek Amy- Britney Spears  (Natalie Dormer, Orange: Round 1)

Instruction- Jax Jonest feat. Demi Lovato, Stefflon Don  (Kat McNamara, Orange: Round 2)

In The Navy- Village People   (Alexander Skarsgard, White: Round 2)

It Must Have Been Love- Roxette   (Emmy Rossum, Red: Round 1)

It’s All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion (Aaron Rodgers, Purple: Round 2)

It’s Gonna Be Me- NSYNC   (Darce Montgomery, Purple: Round 2)

It’s My Life- Bon Jovi   (Darce Montgomery, Purple: Round 1)

It’s The End of The World- R.E.M.  (Stephen Amell, Turquoise: Round 1)

J.

Just Like Fire- P!nk  (Jennifer Morrison Blue: Round 2)

K.

L.

Ladies Choice- Zac Efron   (Alexandra Daddario, Green: Round 1)

Let It Go- Idina Menzel from Frozen  (Blake Lively, Turquoise: Round 2)

Let You Go- Machine Gun Kelly   (Justin Bieber, Gold: Round 2)

Lights Down Low - MAX feat. gnash (Jordan Fisher, Blue: Round 1)

Like A Prayer- Madonna   (Danielle Panabaker, Green: Round 2)

Like A Virgin- Madonna  (Ashley Benson, Purple: Round 1)

Living La Vida Loca- Ricky Martin   (Delta Goodrem, Orange: Round 2)

Livin’ On A Prayer- Bon Jovi   (Skeet Ulrich, Purple: Round 1)

Look What You Made Me Do- Taylor Swift   (Domhnall Gleeson, Yellow: Round 1)

Lose Yourself- Eminem  (Daisy Ridley, Orange: Round 2)

Love Doesn’t Stand A Chance- From Once Upon A Time  (Zayn Malik, Green: Round 2)

Love on the Brain - Rihanna (Nick Jonas, Red: Round 1)

Love You To Death- Type O Negative  (Henrik Lundqvist, Pink: Round 1)

M.

Mama Don’t Make Me Put On The Dress Again- Trixie Mattel   (Katya Zamaolodchikova, Purple: Round 2)

Mama Say- Betty Who   (Gigi Hadid, Gold: Round 1)

Mamma Mia-Abba  (Emilia Clarke, Turquoise: Round 2)

Man! I Feel Like A Woman- Shania Twain   (Harry Styles, Pink: Round 2)

Mi Gente - J Balvin, Willy William

Milkshake- Kelis  (Henry Cavill, Orange: Round 2)

Miss You - Louis Tomlinson (Natalia Dyer, Yellow: Round 2)

Monster- Nicki Minaj   (Vanessa Hudgens, Gold: Round 1)

My Heart Will Go On- Celine Dion   (Cole Sprouse, Green: Round 2)

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light ‘Em Up) - Fall Out Boy (Nick Jonas, Red: Round 2)

N.

New Rules- Dua Lipa   (Bella Hadid, Yellow: Round 2)

Never Gonna Give You Up- Rick Astley   (Alfie Deyes, Pink: Round 1)

Nothing Compares To Uou - Sinead O'Connor  (Trixie Mattel, Turquoise: Round 2)

No Rain - One Blind Melon   (Stephen James Hendry, Red: Round 1)

O.

Often-The Weeknd   (Selena Gomez, Purple: Round 2)

One Dance- Drake   (Amber Heard, White: Round 1)

Only Girl (In The World)- Rihanna   (Gigi Hadid, Gold: Round 2)

On Top of You - Enrique Iglesias  (Jordan Fisher, Blue: Round 2)

Oops... I Did It Again- Britney Spears  (Saoirse Ronan, Pink: Round 2)

Out of Your Mind - True Steppers, Dane Bowers feat. Victoria Beckham   (Willa Holland, Yellow: Round 2)

P.

Paper Planes- M.I.A.   (Perrie Edwards, Gold: Round 1)

Paris in the Rain - LAUV

Part of Your World-  From the Little Mermaid   (Lindsay Arnold, Turquoise: Round 1)

Perfect-Ed Sheeran   (Emilia Clarke, Turquoise: Round 1)

Play That Funky Music- Wild Cherry   (Tom Hiddleston, Gold: Round 2)

Poker Face- Lady Gaga  (Natalie Dormer, Orange: Round 2)

Pony- Ginuwine  (Jason Momoa, White: Round 2)

Pour Some Sugar On Me- Def Leppard   (Danneel Harris, Yellow: Round 2)

Power- Little Mix   (Kat McNamara, Orange: Round 1)

Praying- Ke$ha  (Lea Michele, Yellow: Round 1)

Pretty Fly For A White Guy - Offspring  (Aaron Rodgers, Purple: Round 1)

Prince Ali- Robin Williams from Aladdin   (Camila Mendes, Pink: Round 2)

Purple Rain- Prince   (Toby Regbo, Orange: Round 2)

Q.

R.

Rap God-Eminem  (Alex Galchenyuk, Orange: Round 1)

Rebel Yell- Billy Idol   (Andy Biersack, White: Round 1)

Redneck Woman- Gretchen Wilson   (Danneel Harris, Yellow: Round 1)

Reet Petite- Jackie Wilson   (Jack Lowden, Turquoise: Round 1)

Reggaeton Lento (Bailemos)- CNCO   (Emeraude Toubia, Purple: Round 1)

Repeat Stuff- Bo Burnham  (Dylan Sprouse, White: Round 1)

Replay- Zendaya   (Tom Holland, Gold: Round 2)

Rockin’ Robin- The Jackson 5   (Ian Harding, Gold: Round 1)

Rhythm Nation- Janet Jackson (Sarah Drew, Blue: Round 2)

River - Eminem feat. Ed Sheeran (Sarah Hyland, Purple: Round 2)

Roar- Katy Perry  (Marzia Bigonin, Yellow: Round 1)

Roses- Outkast   (Lindsey Morgan, Red: Round 1)

Run The World (Girls)- Beyonce  (Troian Bellisario, Blue Round 2)

S.

S&M-Rihanna   (Alexandra Park, Blue: Round 1)

School’s Out- Alice Cooper  (Zayn Malik, Green: Round 1)

Sex Addiction- L.A Guns   (Henrik Lundqvist, Pink: Round 2)

Sex On Fire- Kings of Leon   (Zoey Deutch, Green: Round 2)

Sexy Back-Justin Timberlake   (Chris Evans, White: Round 2)

Shake It Off- Taylor Swift   (Lucy Hale, Purple: Round 2)

Shape Of You- Ed Sheeran (Madelaine Petsch, Pink: Round 2)

She’s Country- Jason Aldean   (Jensen Ackles, White: Round 1)

She’s In Love With The Boy- Trisha Yearwood  (Carrie Underwood, Red: Round 1)

She’s So High - Tal Bachman. (Zoe Sugg, Orange: Round 2)

She Thinks My Tractor Is Sexy- Kenny Chesney  (Roman Josi, Green: Round 2)

Should’ve Said No- Taylor Swift   (Lea Michele, Yellow: Round 2)

Shout- Lulu & the Luvvers   (Benedict Cumberbatch, Red: Round 2)

Sign of the Times - Harry Styles   (Louis Tomlinson, Pink: Round 2)

Sister Christian- Night Ranger  (Justin Baldoni, Pink: Round 1)

Sk8ter Boy - Avril Lavigne   (Trixie Mattel, Turquoise: Round 1)

Slow Hands - Niall Horan   (Louis Tomlinson, Pink: Round 1)

Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson  (Grant Gustin, Red: Round 2)

Somebody Told Me- The Killers  (Dianna Agron, Blue: Round 1)

Something Bad - Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert  (Natalia Dyer, Yellow: Round 1)

Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwoʻole  (Jason Momoa, White: Round 1)

Sorry- Justin Bieber   (Emeraude Toubia, Purple: Round 2)

Sorry Not Sorry- Demi Lovato   (Niall Horan, Orange: Round 2)

Spice Up Your Life- Spice Girls   (Courtney Act, Gold: Round 2)

Starman- David Bowie   (Daisy Ridley, Orange: Round 1)

Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne  (Joe Jonas, Green: Round 2)

Stay The Night- James Blunt  (Keegan Allen, Red: Round 1)

Step In Time- Dick Van Dyke from Marry Poppins   (Emmy Rossum, Red: Round 2)

Stronger (What Doesn’t Make You Stronger)- Kelly Clarkson  (Carrie Underwood, Red: Round 2)

Sucker for Pain - Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons  (Cara Delevingne, Turquoise: Round 2)

Superbass- Nicki Minaj   (Kendall Jenner, White: Round 2)

Swalla - Jason Derulo feat. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign   (Sebastian Stan, Turquoise: Round 2)

Swish Swish- Katy Perry  (Matt Daddario, Gold: Round 1)

T.

Talk Dirty- Jason Derulo feat. 2 Chainz  (Justin Baldoni, Pink: Round 2)

Talk that Talk by Rihanna feat. Jay Z (Alycia Debnam-Carey, Blue: Round 2)

Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge  (Dylan O’Brien, Orange: Round 1)

Telephone- Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce  (Darren Criss, White: Round 2)

That’s My Girl- Fifth Harmony  (Lucy Hale, Purple: Round 1)

That’s What I Like- Bruno Mars   (Alberto Rosende, White: Round 1)

The Bare Necessities- Phil Harris   (Tom Hiddleston, Gold: Round 1)

The Best Damn Thing - Avril Lavinge  (Chyler Leigh, Green: Round 2)

The Boys (English Ver.) - Girls’ Generation  (Crystal Reed, Yellow: Round 2)

The Champion- Carrie Underwood   (Brie Bella, Pink: Round 2)

The Creep- The Lonely Island   (Dylan Sprouse, White: Round 2)

The Greatest- Sia   (Taylor Hill, Gold: Round 2)

The Look- Roxette   (Phoebe Tonkin, Green: Round 1)

This Ain’t A Scene It’s An Arm’s Race- Fall Out Boy   (Brendan Urie, Green: Round 1)

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things - Taylor Swift   (Karlie Kloss, Pink: Round 2)

Thong Song- Sisqo   (Sebastian Stan, Turquoise: Round 1)

Thrift Shop-Macklemore   (Taissa Farmiga, Turquoise: Round 2)

Tightrope - Janelle Monae  (Melissa Benoist, Turquoise: Round 1)

Tough Lover- Christina Aguilera from Burlesque   (Alexandra Daddario, Green: Round 2)

U.

Under A Paper Moon- All Time Low  (Charlie Heaton, Turquoise: Round 1)

Unwritten -  Natasha Bedingfield (Chyler Leigh, Green: Round 1)

Uptown Funk- Mark Ronon feat. Bruno Mars.  (Lindsey Morgan, Red: Round 2)

V.

Valentina- Alaska Thunderfuck 5000   (Sharon Needles, Blue: Round 1)

Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun (Cole Sprouse, Green: Round 1)

W.

Wait (The Whisper Song)- The Ying Yang Twins  (Margot Robbie, Pink: Round 1)

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go-Wham!   (Ashleigh Murray, Blue: Round 2)

Welcome To The Black Parade- My Chemical Romance  (Zoey Deutch, Green: Round 1)

What About Us- P!nk  (Gal Gadot, Red: Round 1)

What Dreams Are Made Of - Hilary Duff.  (Lili Reinhart, Red: Round 1)

What Lovers Do- Maroon 5 feat SZA   (Emily Bett Rickards, Purple: Round 1)

What Makes You Country- Luke Bryan  (Brie Bella, Pink: Round 1)

Whatever It Takes - Imagine Dragons  (Cara Delevingne, Turquoise: Round 1)

White and Nerdy- Weird Al Yankovic   (Ian Harding, Gold: Round 2)

Work It - Missy Elliott  (Caity Lotz, Yellow: Round 2)

Worth It - Fifth Harmony  (Lindsay Arnold, Turquoise: Round 2)

Wrecking Ball- Miley Cyrus  (Taylor Swift, Green: Round 2)

X.

Y.

Yonce/Partition-Beyonce   (Vanessa Hudgens, Gold: Round 2)

You & I- One Direction   (Alberto Rosende, White: Round 2)

You Don’t Know Me- Jax Jones feat Ray-Z   (Genevieve Gaunt, Gold: Round 1)

You Gotta Be- Des’ree   (Lily James, Pink: Round 1)

You Got The Right Stuff- New Kids On The Block   (Alexander Skarsgard, White: Round 1)

Young, Dumb and Broke- Khalid   (Niall Horan, Orange: Round 1)

You’re The One That I Want- From Grease   (Witney Carson, Yelllow: Round 2)

You Shook Me All Night Long- AC/DC   (Andy Biersack, White: Round 2)

You’ll Be Back - Jonathan Groff from Hamilton   (Bianca Del Rio, Gold: Round 1)

Z.

Zombie- The Cranberries   (Adore Delano, Yellow: Round 2)

#s.

7th Element- Vitas   (Katya Zamaolodchikova, Purple: Round 1)

[fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression]

NSFW Alphabet-Nick Amaro

IF YOU READ MY WORK, THEN REBLOG THAT SHIT AS WELL! IF YOU THINK THIS MESSAGE IS ABOUT YOU THEN YES TF IT IS!

A for Aftercare: Nick is normally tired when he comes home from work and after sex he is exhausted! But because being the person that Nick is he always makes sure that he satisfies you and your need first before he goes to sleep. Normally that means making sure your clean and comfortable. After he hears your soft snores, and looks down at his chest to make sure your sound asleep he wraps his arms around you and falls asleep himself.

B for Body Part: Nick’s favorite body part of his would have to be his abs, hands down. He loves his abs because he thinks they make him look more manly and muscular. He also loves them because you just love running your hands down them anytime you catch him with no shirt on or if his shirt is open, because that’s your favorite part of his body as well.

Nick’s favorite body part(s) of yours would be your ass, thighs, hips, and neck. He’s in love with your ass because of how big, round, and soft it is. He loves how he can just get you turned on when squeezes it or how it jiggles when he smacks it. He loves your thighs because of how thick they are and how tightly they squeeze around his head when he’s eating you out. And he loves your neck because he loves seeing you practically becoming putty in his very large hands when he kisses all over your neck and finding your sweet spot very quickly and sucking on it, leaving huge hickies over your neck that your co-workers always ask you about when you show up to work the next day.

C for Cum: Nick always lets you cum before he does, it’s only rare where he comes before you and that’s when he’s extremely stressed out because of the job. Nick always likes to see you squirm around after an orgasm, whether it’s with his fingers, his mouth, his cock,or all, Nick is always gonna find some way to have you squirming around afterwards. Normally the orgasm ratio is 3:1 but when Nick is extremely pumped up it changes to 5:2.

D for Dirty Secret: I don’t know if you guys could tell or not but, Ol’ Saint Nick is pretty dominating in the bedroom. He absolutely loves, loves, loves hearing you beg for him. He has a enormous papi kink and loves hearing you scream it to him, even so loud the neighbors can hear but he loves it because he gets to be in control. He’ll let you have control occasionally from time to time, but 9/10 he’s in control.

E for Experience: When I say Nick Amaro is experienced, you better buy it because that boy be doing miracles. He knows how to turn you on easily. He knows what you do and don’t like. He knows how to put you in the mood, and he knows how to hit that right spot. He most definitely knows how to overstimulate you so he can have you squirming all over the bed.

F for Favorite Position: Nick’s favorite position would be when you get on top of him and ride him. He loves when you’re riding him. He loves holding down your hips and thrusting into you because once again he loves being in control. You on the other hand, love the doggystyle position with a strong passion. You love how Nick tightly pulls on your hair as he thrusts fastly and roughly into you. Or when he wraps one of his large hands around your throat and thrusts into fastly and demands you call him Papi. Or when he whispers spanish little nothings into your ear while purposely thrusting slowly into you while hitting your g-spot. G for Goofy: You and Nick were more of the serious type during sex. But while you two are warming up and having a small, okay maybe huge makeout session you two would share a giggle or two. But normally the sounds while y’all were fucking was skin slapping against skin, your moans and screams, and some of the neighbors telling y’all both to keep it down. But y’all never listen to what they said.

H for Hair: Nick is a pretty well groomed man. His chest was bare all of the time and as far as the pubic hairs go, he keeps them pretty light so you won’t have any trouble when you’re giving him a blowjob. However, you love when he grows a little scruff on his face and sometimes he’ll grow a full beard for you because he knows him with a beard turns you on even more.

I for Intimacy: You and Nick both love when he’s dominate and rough with you, but you both also love when you guys are intimate with each other. Yes, Nick loves being in control over you during sex, but when he’s seen some extremely graphic stuff at work, he loves telling you how much he loves you and being sweet and gentle with you.

J for Jack Off: Normally, Nick doesn’t really masturbate, but when he does it’s probably just one of his ways to rile you up and get you in the mood. You love hearing, seeing, or catching him in the act of masturbating. You love hearing his moans and grunts come out of his mouth. You loved hearing him moan your name and you absolutely love seeing his faces when he has an orgasm.

K for Kink: Nick was a kinky son of a bitch, he and you both knew that. He most definitely has a Papi kink. He has a major overstimulation kink. He loves making you have multiple orgasms, just over, and over, and over again. He also has a major hair pulling kink. He loves pulling your hair while he’s beating it up from the back. And last but not least, he has a huge choking kink. He loves wrapping his large, muscular hands around your throat. And he loves putting you in handcuffs along with cop roleplay.

L for Location: Nick loves having sex anywhere and everywhere. It doesn’t matter where, what time of day, who’s watching, Nick will fuck you anywhere. But he really loves fucking you against the kitchen counter and island. And Nicky most definitely loves eating his “favorite meal on the counter, table and island. He also likes fucking you against walls and he loves having office sex, of course when the squad isn’t there.

M for Motivation: Honestly, it doesn’t take much to get Nick’s motor running. You could do the simplest thing, like bending over in front of him because you dropped something and he automatically gets turned on. He’ll then sit you down in his lap, start to kiss on your neck and then talk dirty in your ear. And then you know how the rest of the night is looking.

N for No: Just because of his past anything that involves pain(outside from spankings) it’s an automatic no for Nick. Whether you would be the one receiving pain or him, Nick would not do it and  neither would you.

O for Oral: Nick absolutely loves eating you out, he could do it all day because you know, you were his favorite meal. And you absolutely returning the favor and giving him blowjobs. So it’s about 50/50 between the two of you because you both like pleasuring each other.

P for Pace: 9/10, the pace was fast and very rough but that’s when he’s being dominating. But when it’s a special occasion or he wants to show you that he loves you and how much he appreciates you, he’ll slow down the pace and is gentle and passionate with you.

Q for Quickies: Like I said, Nick likes to have sex literally any and everywhere so he loves quickies. He likes to have them in the morning when he’s running semi-late for work, or when he’s at the precinct and he gets jealous because he sees you talking to one of his co-workers ex; Sonny or Barba.

R for Risk: Nick is always eager to try something new. He always lets you know that you can suggest your fantasies and dreams to him and 9/10 he is ready to oblige to them. He likes to suggest things to you as well because of something he saw in a porno or something and you happy to oblige to them as well.

S for Stamina: Nick is a beast in the bedroom, so he can most definitely go on for hours. He loves wearing you out and often times throwing your back out. But you can’t complain because he’s like a sex god, I mean just look at him. After round one, he’ll let you take a break but best believe he’s coming back for seconds.

T for Toys: Handcuffs,vibrators,blindfolds,mouth gags, you name it, you and Nick have it. He loves seeing you handcuffed to the headboard while he’s teasing every inch of your body. Or he loves making you wear a vibrator all day because you had been a bad girl earlier. But trust and believe being the kinky son of a bitch that Amaro is, he has plenty of toys to go around.

U for Unfair: Nick is one of the most biggest teasers on earth. He loves it when you beg for him. He often teasingly repeats the question back to you while teasing your whole body. Like “you like that, bebita” while rubbing your clit. Or asking “you wanna cum” while repeatedly hitting your g-spot.

V for Volume: Nick normally isn’t the “loud” type of guy during sex. From time to time you’ll hear his soft growls and grunts throughout the session, but he isn’t loud with them. But he loves hearing you moan and scream for him. It’s like music to his ears to be quite honest. But when you take control, his grunts and moans do tend to escalate a little more louder.

W for Wild Card: When Nick isn’t working or spending time with you and Zara, he’s at the gym getting on a big workout. And he has the muscles to back up that statement. And in the bedroom, Nick loves to show off those muscles by constantly lifting you up and fucking you against things like the wall or dresser. But hey, you don’t complain so he keeps on doing it.

X for X-Ray: You know what they say, size does matter. And Nick’s size is huge! You had never seen one that huge before up until you met Nick and trust me when I say, he always hits them right spots. Between his dick and his abs those where your favorite body parts on him.

Y for Yearning: Nick has an extremely high sex drive and so do you. So there probably isn’t one day in the week where you guys aren’t fucking.Whether it’s 15 minute quickies or 1 hour sessions, it’s no way in hell that you guys are sexually frustrated.

Z for ZZZ: Nick is always tired after you two get finished your sessions because he uses up all of his stamina plus of those long hours he has on the job. But Nick cannot go to sleep without making sure you’re satisfied and comfortable. But once he closes them eyes, he is gone.

I'm making a Quavo one next so be on the look out😉✌🏾

Tagging: @queenreignsempire @jacqueeswifeey @kayah16 @cute-face-chubby-waist @roman-reigns-empire-1996 @jamyaa @jacqueesisbigdaddy @fivefootxo

[qorillas]

tagged by @latinsimonez! this was really fun to do lmao thank u for taggin me

answer 30 questions + tag 10 people you’d like to know better

-nicknames: ......i hesitate to inform you all of this but my uncle started calling me ‘the squish’ when i was a baby because i was so fat and now everyone on my mom’s side of the family calls me that more than they call me by my actual name. also sometimes people call me ari but not that often and my dad’s side of the family calls me arielita

-star sign: sad pisces binch

-gender: i’m a girl but. idk i’ve kinda been very slightly questioning it a little just to make sure? i’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that yup i’m a girl tho so 

-MBTI type: mainly infp, probably like 15% enfp because i get really excited when i’m around groups of people i love and Lose All Sense Of Boundaries. does that qualify me as enfp? i get tired being around most people tho so idk

-height: 5′5.5″ and yes the half inch COUNTS

-time: 10:41pm

-birthday: march 1. when i was little i couldn’t pronounce 1 correctly like i said “much fust” so everyone thought i was saying march 4 tho lmao 

-favorite bands: there’s this band called gorillaz i really like idk if anyone following me has heard of it tho :/// also phoenix, vampire weekend, the lumineers, glass animals, purity ring, young the giant, maroon 5, the beatles. i would die for ezra koenig and one time he liked something i tweeted at him and i cried for 10 minutes and my roommate took a video and made fun of me

-favorite solo artists: stromae, damon albarn, shawn wasabi, ingrid michaelson, childish gambino, nicki minaj, sohn, kanye west, lil wayne. gorillaz should collaborate with stromae also like i think they’d be good together

-song stuck in my head: ......the mii channel song but where each pause is uncomfortably long. yes i hate myself 

-last movie I watched: wonder woman like three months ago?? ? i like never go to the movies which is actually kind of a shame because going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do ever i know it’s like not that wild but i always get so excited wow i love movies

-last show I watched: rick and morty like the pickle rick episode. someone save morty and summer please i fucking hate beth

-other blogs: @ratqueenofficial is my main! also i have an art blog @ratqueenarts but i like never actually post there so. and i have multiple urls about antigone and about half mexican murdoc hoarded lmao

-when I created my blog: april 6 of this year but i made my main on new year’s eve because my friend came over so we could relaunch.......a semi-popular meme archiving blog whose name i’m not allowed to actually say because mods are a secret.........but anyway my old main had been around since 2013 and i wanted to start fresh so yeah

-what I post about: that son of a gun sure do love those gorillaz. also i post my own mediocre art and make shitposts and memes because i find myself hilarious and i write headcanons and am starting to do fics. but yeah it’s all centered around grillz, and sometimes like 1% damo but never hewll because. i don’t really like him lmao. i think my most common tag is murdoc and i know he sucks but i would fucking die for him in a heartbeat

-last thing I googled: ..........mii channel hip hop remix on youtube and i’ve had it on loop and my roommate hates me but. it’s a fucking bop okay don’t judge me

-following: 939

-followers: 1,233

-favorite color: yellow but like a Very Specific Yellow like strong golden yellow that one might be able to argue is actually orange but Bitch It Is Fucking Yellow (here it is) like half of everything i own is this color which was fun at first but one day i walked out of the house when it was raining and realized i was wearing yellow boots, a yellow raincoat, a yellow beanie, a yellow backpack and was holding a yellow umbrella and it was at that point that i realized that i had a Problem. my friends make fun of me for it rip

-average hours of sleep: half of the week it’s like 4 and half of the week it’s like 14 because of the ol’ depresh so i’m not actually sure at all. probably like 7 if i absolutely had to pick a number

-lucky number: 3

-instruments: classical piano (and i guess keyboard by extension) but i can’t sightread for shit (i’m good at playing by ear tho!), general percussion like bells and xylophone and marimba, i did tenor drum in marching band for like one year but i’m pretty horrible at non-mallet percussion lmao. also i had a vuvuzela for like two years but my roommate confiscated it because “vuvuzelas are not to be played at 3 in the morning, ariel” and anyway i don’t think it really counts

-what I’m wearing: glasses, black skinny jeans, my black x men sweatshirt that has like pictures of the vintage comic panels on it and yes i got it from hot topic don’t judge me for that i was like 14, dark blue baseball cap that says “best dad ever” across the front but i’m wearing it backwards because i’m cool. i got it for father’s day so that i could match with my grandpa

-how many blankets i sleep with: generally like 2 or 3 but at this point they’re all crumpled up at the bottom of the bed anyway so mainly just the big comforter and a throw blanket over that if it’s really cold

-dream jobs: oh man uhh. i used to think i wanted to be like a genetics/evolutionary biology professor and do research on evolution or cancer or hiv/aids and teach at like ucsf or something. or like work for nasa as an astrobiologist, or maybe work as a vet for a zoo. but now i don’t think i wanna do that anymore? to be quite honest if i could be 100% guaranteed whatever job i wanted i think i’d want to be a showrunner for an animated show on cartoon network or adult swim, like not something just with storyboards or animation, but like actually involved in the writing of the show. i’d love to write for a tv show on cartoon network or something like the office or brooklyn 99 or even a story-based video game, or maybe like do something where i get to just joke around and be funny all the time like what the mcelroys or game grumps do but. i have No Idea how to go about doing that and honestly i think jobs like that just happen to people randomly so it’s not really like, a Secure Job Option To Pursue. but i really hope somehow i end up doing something like that. i just wanna do something where i can create something meaningful that i’m proud of and see people connecting with it and feeling happy and inspired and less alone because of it, and maybe liking it so much a fandom or something grows around it. i’d be so fucking happy if that happened. 

-dream trip: i really want to go to new york with my jewish grandparents and see where they grew up and all the places they lived so i can finally experience all the places i’ve heard so many stories about? same thing with my abuelitos like i wanna go to mexicali with them or mérida in the yucatán and just see where they came from and where all their stories happened and meet all the relatives that they left behind when they came to the united states. also i think going to like, denmark or england or germany would be really cool? my friend studied abroad in england this summer and her snapchat story was full of dogs and random cows and those are some good things. i would very much like to softly caress a gentle english cow they have beautiful eyes

-favourite food: kbbq? ? ?? Bitch I Love KBBQ. fuck now i want kbbq. also mangoes, and deli sandwiches from the deli by my temple, and jazz apples, and sugary coffee, and sweet corn tamales, and high mountain milk tea with taro qq but sharetea stopped selling taro qq and i’m still salty because of that. and raw lemons because i’m an inhuman monster. can you tell i’m hungry rip

-nationality: american (specifically born and raised californian even though i know that’s not really a nationality but i love california so much you guys im so glad it’s my home) edit: apparently people are puttin in their ethnicities too on this?? ? i’m half american jewish which is. basically white lmao and half mexican idk i look super white tho im so pale rip

i tag @two-chi @drugstore-soulboy @murdoctrinated @murdochub @ephemeralprince @funeralshawls @astronomutual @maccamc @loboluchia @helloitsbees @grimdarkmatt @gorillahz @hewlll and i know that’s more than 10 but this is my house also like. if i tagged u and we Don’t Actually Talk it’s because i see u on my dash a lot and we’re mutuals and i think you’re Super Cool But I Am Too Shy To Actually Talk To You But Yeah I Think You’re Really Cool 

[jordandesta]

3 / 27 / 19 ━ your character’s mood for the day. 

01. pure water by mustard, migos. “give me the beat, i ride it like a jetski, so many bad bitches they harassin' me, they like me 'cause i rap and be with the athletes.”

02. fall threw by rich the kid, young thug, gunna. “pull off in that lambo quick, hundred racks and a tec in this bitch, quarter mil' on my necklaces, tell your bitch to stop texting me, i've been living so reckless.”

03. splashin by rich the kid. “i flip the money, got my check up, i'm flexing up, but i'm no wrestler, blue cheese pockets got the extras, i stack the money up like tetris, how I got two-fifty from my neck up? how I made it from the hood to a bent truck?”

04. pure cocaine by lil baby. “when your wrist like this, you don't check the forecast, every day it's gon' rain, made a brick through a brick, i ain't whip up shit, this pure cocaine, yeah.”

05. west coast by g eazy, blueface, allblack, yg. “you can't imagine the way that this cash feelin', don't know what's harder, the first or the last million, my last album took care of my grand children, you try to win, cracked you head on the glass ceiling.”

06. middle child by j. cole. “i just poured somethin' in my cup, i've been wantin' somethin' I can feel, promise I am never lettin' up, money in your palm don't make you real.”

07. legacy by off set, travis scott, 21 savage. “i can't hold nothing back, i won't hold you up, i can't fit all my pain in this styro' cup, always talk to myself 'cause it's only us, always deep in my mind, don't know who to trust.”

08. envy me by calboy. “i was fighting some demons, in the field, bitch, i'm deep in, i was raised in the deep end, i know ****** be sinking.”

3 / 28 / 19 ━ songs that remind your character of their children/child.

for jasmine isabelle desta;

01. violent crimes by kanye west. “father forgive me, i'm scared of the karma, 'cause now i see women as somethin' to nurture, not somethin' to conquer, i hope she like nicki, i'll make her a monster, not havin' menages, i'm just being silly.”

02. when i’m gone by eminem. “have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for not the expression, no, literally give an arm for, when they know they're your heart, and you know you are their armor, and you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her.”

03. may i have this dance by francis and the light, chance the rapper. “you've got your, your mother's eyes, you've got your, your grandmother's ring, you've got your daddy's discernment, giirl, you did your thing, oh, give me one more, one, two, one, two, always on beat.”

04. right by you by john legend. “and even when it all becomes too much, when you're growing old and feeling out of touch, listen to this song and just take care, and know that i will be there...yeah, i promise i will, little girl, i'm cryin'.”

for legend magesty desta;

05. i love you so much by dj khaled, chance the rapper. “whatever you want to do, i will support you forever, one thing i can promise you, i love you forever, you're my son, i love you so much, i love you, son, you're my biggest blessing, mommy, daddy, we love you, we love you forever, son, you're the greatest that ever did it.”

06. only one by kanye west.  “hello my only one, remember who you are, you got the world 'cause you got love in your hands, and you're still my chosen one, so can you understand? one day you'll understand, so hear me out, i won't go, no goodbyes, just hello.”

07. new day by jay z. “sins of a father make yo' life ten times harder, i just wanna take ya to a barber, bondin' on charters, all the shit that i never did, teach ya good values, so you cherish it, took me twenty six years to find my path, my only job is cuttin' the time in half.”

08. mockingbird by eminem. “i know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now, but hey, what daddy always tell you? straighten up little soldier, stiffen up that upper lip, what you crying about? you got me.”

3 / 29 / 19 ━ a playlist for your lover or ex lover.

01. worth it by yk osiris. “time is precious, baby girl, let's not let it go by, i just really wanna know, do you love me? don't lie, i know you felt alone, 'cause i been on the road, but i been doin' shows, i swear i ain't doin' you wrong”

02. swervin’ by a boogie wit da hoodie, 6ix9ine. “how you look so perfect on your worst days? double c your purses, you deserve it, ****** in your dm, they be thirsty, and in person, but you're curvin’, curvy little body, love your surface, i’m all on your body, make you nervous”

03. caramel by lloyd. “caramel, drippin' in my bed, yeah you know, what's going through my head, i'm thinking 'bout, getting with you tonight, i'm thinking 'bout, wifing you up for life”

04. kevin’s heart by j. cole. “she my number one, i don't need nothing on the side, said that i was done for good and don't want no more lies, but my phone be blowing up, temptations on my line, i stare at the screen a while before i press decline”

05. more/diamond ring by benny blanco, ty dolla $ign, 6lack. “you know your future brighter than a diamond ring, god damn, i put you on different things, god damn, you gon' make me break the bank, god damn...you're all I ever need, god damn, you mean so much to me”

06. ivy by frank ocean. “in the halls of your hotel, arm around my shoulder so i could tell, how much i meant to meant it sincere back then, we had time to kill back then, you ain't a kid no more, we'll never be those kids again”

07. mrs. variety by leon thoma, tayla parx. “mrs. variety, feels like i'm dating someone different every single week, it's like you know just how to play to every part of me, it's like you know just how to cater to my every need, mrs. variety”

08. cinderella by mac miller, ty dolla $ign. “you in my dreams that's why i sleep all the time, just to hear you say i love you, just to touch you, just to leave you behind, i told you, you don't have to worry, you'll be fine, this the type of thing i heard it happen all the time, yeah, I just wanna see you fly, because your fragrance got me faded, you be keepin' me high”

3 / 30 / 19 ━  songs that hit your character in the feels

01. power trip by j. cole, miguel. “got me up all night, all i'm singing is love songs, she got me up all night, constant drinking and love songs, she got me up all night, down and out with these love songs, she got me up all night, drown it out with these love songs, she got me up all night.”

02. practice by drake. “i can tell that money's got you working, got your body so wet, now we're finally here in person, i taste pain and regret, in your sweat, you've been waiting for me, i can tell that you been practicing.”

03. angel by the weeknd. “cause all I see are wings, i can see your wings, but i know what i am and the life i live, yeah, the life i live, and even though i sin, maybe we are born to live, but i know time will tell if we're meant for this, yeah, if we're meant for this.”

04. don’t by bryson tiller. “get in the ride, left hand is steering the other is gripping your thigh light up a spliff and get high, shawty you deserve what you been missing, looking at you i’m thinking he must be tripping, play this song for him tell him just listen.”

05. best mistake by layla russo, big sean. “hold up, i know love could be a beach with no shore, i done count to ten, lost my temper, and went back to four, i know sometimes it's hard to realize i'm the man that you need, i had a dream we branched out started a family tree.”

06. own it by drake. “next time we fuck, i don't want to fuck, i want to make love, next time we talk, i don't want to just talk, i want to trust, next time I stand tall I want to be standing for you.”

07. thinkin bout you by frank ocean. “yes, of course i remember, how could I forget? how you feel? and though you were my first time, a new feel, it won't ever get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive.”

08. come and see me by partynextdoor, drake. “i'll admit i'm sorry when i feel i'm truly sorry, things change, people change, feelings change too, never thought the circumstances woulda changed you.”

3 / 31 / 19 ━  a playlist for your character’s best friend. ( squad )

01. ni**as in paris by jay z, kanye west.

02. look at me now by chris brown, lil wayne, busta rhymes. 

03. rack city by tyga. 

04. swimming pools (drank) by kendrick lamar. 

05. gold digger by kanye west, jamie foxx. 

06. v.3005 by childish gambino.

07. the motto by drake, lil wayne.

08. bedrock by young money, lloyd.

4 / 01 / 19 ━ road trip playlist

01. hey jude by the beatles.

02. mr. jones by counting crows.

03. wonderwall by oasis.

04. hurricane by bob dylan.

05. mr. brightside by the killers. 

06. scar tissue by the red hot chili peppers.

07. all star by smashmouth.

08. stacy’s mom by fountains of wayne.

4 / 02 / 19 ━ three songs that make your character cry… every. single. time.

01. acid rain by chance the rapper. “my big homie died young; just turned older than him, i seen it happen, i seen it happen, i see it always, he still be screaming, i see his demons in empty hallways, i trip to make the fall shorter.”

02. perkys calling by future. “Iineed better thoughts, i need better vibes, focus on the top and let my ***** slide, i need more advice and ain't got no time, hustlin' do it right, feel like i waited a life time.”

03. u by kendrick lamar. “you shoulda filled that black revolver blast a long time ago, and if those mirrors could talk it would say "you gotta go", and if i told your secrets, the world'll know money can't stop a suicidal weakness.”

4 / 03 / 19 ━ free day, we just wanna see you be creative. ( throwbacks )

01. ambitonz az a ridah by 2pac. 

02. gin and juice by snoop dog, daz dillinger  

03. all falls down by kanye west, syleena johnston.

04. mrs. officer by lil wayne, bobby v, kidd kidd.

05. i’m n luv (wit a stripper) by t-pain, mike jones.

06. ms. jackson by outkast.

07. smack that by akon, eminem.

08. laffy taffy by d4l.

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 2 - Twinyards!

In which we reveal Exy’s origin story, my namesake appears, Andrew has some Serious Issues™ and the Twinyards pull off the oldest twin trick in the book of twin tricks, however their punny name totally redeems them.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Not gonna lie – I’ve been dying to read on since the last chapter. God, I just wanna sit down and burn through the entire book in two days. No. Patience, Nicki.

We start off the second chapter with yet another new character – Aaron Minyard, who is an all-black unfriendly fucker like his twin, minus the murder tendencies.

              “Neil,” Aaron said in lieu of hello, and he pointed. “Baggage claim.”

            “Just this.” Neil tapped the strap of the duffel bag hanging off his shoulder. The bag was small enough to be a carry-on and large enough to carry everything Neil owned.

What the fuck, this is the saddest thing I’ve read all day.

Aaron proves to be exactly the same shade of Extra and Dramatic as everyone else so far as he doesn’t give a flying hoot about lung cancer, polite conversation, or basic traffic regulations.

            “It’s too nice of a car to wreck,” [Neil] said pointedly.

            “Don’t be so afraid to die,” Aaron said as the car kept gliding across the four-lane road to an exit ramp. “If you are, you have no place on our court.”

Literally chill out, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.

Neil, unbothered by the waves of Extra currently rolling around, takes this car ride as an opportunity to talk about his favourite subject: Kevin.

            “Kevin stays on campus?” he asked.

            “Where the court is, Kevin is. He can’t exist without it,” Aaron said derisively.

What a nerd. I love it.

However, Kevin’s immense nerd-love for Exy is actually explained shortly after and answers my most burning question from last chapter: WHAT THE FUCK IS EXY IT MAKES NO SENSE SPORTS DON’T GET FAMOUS THAT FAST BLA BLA BLA.

Shut up, past!me. Nora Sakavic is gonna learn you a thing.

            Kevin’s mother Kayleigh Day and Riko’s uncle Tetsuji Moriyama created the sport roughly thirty years ago while Kayleigh was studying abroad in Fukui, Japan. What started as an experiment spread from their campus to local street teams, then across the ocean to the rest of the world. Kayleigh brought it home with her to Ireland after completing her degree and the United Stated picked it up soon after.

OKAY. First of all, thirty years is a long time and it’s fully plausible for a sport to develop this kind of following and news’ coverage in that time. For example, snowboarding was only developed in the late 70s/early 80s, yet today it’s even a Olympic discipline.

(Also, my comparison with competitive cheerleading from last chapter might have been unfair. Cheer counts as a minority sport in the US as well, yet fangirl/boy-level stalking is fully possible with American teams. Soz.)

Second of all, KEVIN AND RIKO’S PARENTS INVENTED EXY??? WHAT?!?!?

I’d be an arrogant son of a bitch too if that had happened to me. Holy fucking what.

            Riko and Kevin were the face of the Ravens. To many, they were considered the future of Exy. (…) Except Kevin Day signed with the Foxes in March – not as a coach, but as a striker.

[fergie’s ‘london bridge’ voice] OH SHIT.

            His fans went from feeling heartbroken to feeling betrayed. Palmetto State hat borne the brunt of that rage since. The university and stadium had been vandalized upwards of a dozen times and there’d been numerous fights on campus. It would only get worse when the season started and people saw Kevin wearing the Foxes’ colours.

Fictional Sports World gets Actual Sports World’s obsessive fan violence spot on.

Also, I feel sorry for the students going to Palmetto State Uni who don’t give a fuck about Exy. Like, can y’all crazy sportsballheads stop vandalizing our campus like some people are trying to get an education here thank you. It’s like going to Hogwarts and just trying to live a chill regular life. Not happening.

As they arrive at Wymack’s house, a much-needed ray of sunshine appears: Nicky Hemmick.

            Nicholas Hemmick was the only one who looked genuinely happy to see Neil. (…) “I’m Nicky.” Nicky gave Neil’s hand another hard squeeze before letting go. “Andrew and Aaron’s cousin, backliner extraordinaire.”

            (…) “By blood?”

            Nicky laughed. “Don’t look it, right?”

I would like to point out that this is the first time a character genuinely laughs in this entire book. And we’re on page 22.

What a guy. I’m honoured to be his namesake (with minor spelling differences). Please don’t turn out to be an aggressive fuckwit as well please.

Some predictions on Nicky’s character:

- his kink is bein’ friendly and havin’ a good time

- drama kid

- g l i t t e r

- super open abt his sexuality, just loves love, essentially pansexual

- can fuck u up but does it nicely because he wants to support you and help you grow as a person

- would die for his friends (and dogs)

- essentially my headcanon courfeyrac from les mis okay shut up

Ahem. Moving on.

            “You have a nice car for someone who thinks he’s poor,” Neil said. (…)

            “Aaron’s mother bought it for us with her life insurance money,” Andrew explained.

Okay but - Aaron’s mother? What? Surely Aaron’s mother is Andrew’s mother as well if they’re twins?

I don’t believe this is lazy writing. What is going on there.

            “It’s not the world that’s cruel,” Neil said. “It’s the people in it.”

I don’t even want to know how many fangirls use this as their blog headline/Facebook status/moodboard caption/wrist tattoo.

            [Neil] was too busy staring at Aaron’s pants pockets. They were much too flat to be hiding a pack of cigarettes, but Neil had seen Aaron put the pack away before crossing the street at the airport.

Are you telling me Neil is too busy staring at Aaron’s ass (which is actually Andrew’s ass, spoiler alert) to notice when to walk into Wymack’s apartment because that might be the best thing that’s happened so far.

(Unless we’re talking about front pockets, in which case, nevermind).

And then this happens:

            “What was that all about?“

            Neil’s blood turned to slush. It wasn’t the words that got him but the language Nicky used. German was Neil’s second language thanks to three years spent living in Austria, Germany, and Switzerland.

GERMANY! The mothercountry! Land of beer, sausage, and superfluously-stocked hardware stores!

Now the only thing I can imagine is Aaron and Andrew as coldmirror’s Torsten und Torben. I’m not even sorry.

            “Team’s still split fifty-fifty on whether or not [Coach Wymack and Abby] are boning. Andrew refuses to vote, which means you’re the tiebreaker. Let us know ASAP. I’ve got money riding on it.”

To no one’s surprise, Nicky is Ultimate Shipping King. I love him more by the minute.

However, these short moments of glee are immediately overridden because this happens:

          Too late, Neil remembered Nicky’s exasperated accusion in the living room: “What the hell did you say to him, Andrew?” Neil had assumed Nicky was referring to their first meeting in Millport, but Nicky had been talking about the car ride from the airport. It wasn’t Aaron who picked Neil up from the airport after all.

WHAAAAAT.

I mean… this is the oldest twin trick in the book, really. What is this, the Parent Trap?

No kidding, I’d pay to see the Twinyards with ginger pigtails dressed in early 20s fashion.

Also, Twinyards!! How did I not see that before!! Thank you, fandom, for finding the punniest names for everything ever.

(If you’re wondering whether I’m still laughing over this name as I type this: I am.)

Apparently, Andrew has some serious anger management issues and enough court-regulated drugs in his system to kill a small child, effectively making him a hardcore drug addict against his will.

WHAAAAAAAAAAT. No, seriously, WHAT.

The angst just does not stop, you guys.

Also, Wymack is back!

#dicksoutforwymack

          Neil looked down at the key in his palm, at the security Wymack so easily and unquestioningly gave him. Maybe Neil wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, and amybe he’d spend the next couple weeks waking up every time Wymack snored a little too loud, but maybe Neil really was okay here for now.

Oh don’t mind me I’m just crying in the corner whilst stabbing myself with my own materialized emotions.

What. A. Dude.

On a last note: How sexual was the elevator scene. I can’t even quote anything or I’d need to just slap the entire thing here because dear god, the gay is not even subtle at all.

          Neil couldn’t anticipate Kevin. (…) But Andrew was just a psychotic midget, and Neil had grown up around violence. Handling him would be easy.

Two things:

1. 20 bucks says it’s not gonna be fucking easy ho boy

2. Maybe chill on the m word, my dude.

Ughhhh. Is it Sunday already?

[ravenvsfox]

Could you do Nicky and Erik for the ship post pretty please

u got it hot stuff let’s do this

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

who is more likely to hurt the other?

god they’re so wholesome but nicky can be a lil..... thoughtless? so like. he can talk about boys & good times at palmetto and erik might just. get bummed. alone in germany, you know? 

who is emotionally stronger?

i think erik is a gd rock tbh like he pulled nicky back from the brink and he’ll do it again

who is physically stronger?

Nicky’s so hot for men who can hold him up so tbh erik could toss nicky into the air and catch him np

who is more likely to break a bone? 

they’re both thrill seekers hey like they do the outdoor thing so either of them are pretty much equally likely to fall down a fuckin cliff or smth. Although nicky is SO hyper and he talks w his hands and his whole body so catch him walking backwards and gesticulating and falling into the ocean

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

nicky has a moutH and he’ll definitely lash out and say dumb things he doesn’t mean (which he does in canon.... a lot) but he’s so kindhearted that I doubt he’d ever really TRY to upset someone??? anyway erik is so bad at even fazing nicky he ends up roasting himself instead

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

this is tricky?? My instinct was Erik bc imagine nicky’s sad face. don’t want that. can’t do it. but also nicky is so grateful for erik and so absurdly in love w him and also just. a talker, so he might apologize first? idk they probably dramatically reunite in the rain and apologize to each other simultaneously

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

they’re always patching up each other’s scrapes and kissing things better they’re so obnoxious,, but also I feel like nicky has this sort of brotherly instinct that never finds an outlet with the twins so he channels it into his bf? like he just wants to take care of someone the right way for once

who is in constant need of comfort? 

tbh Nicky’s had a really. tough time. And erik eclipses the bad shit. Nicky has a lot of days where he hates himself because he wasn’t good enough for his parents or his cousins, he wasn’t good enough at exy or at being a friend. He feels like the weak link in a broken chain a lot

who gets more jealous? 

ERIK holy shit do you know how fuckin flirty nicky is?? like they’re pretty open and understanding but nicky will send pics of himself actively getting kissed on the cheek by some sloppy dude at eden’s twilight and 8000km away erik’s fist clenches

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

they’re forever babe, sorry

who will propose? 

erik definitely tries but who knows if he can get a word in edgewise I feel like erik would plan a proposal for a year and then nicky would blurt ‘marry me’ while they’re having sex and erik would have to pull out and have a crisis in the bathroom

who has the most difficult parents?

lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

niiiicky because he’s clingy and he wants to show erik off tbh. erik is so game at all times to be held but Nicky does the reaching

who comes up for the other all the time? 

did u read the books 80% of nicky’s dialogue is ‘anyway my boyfriend erik.......’

who hogs the blankets? 

not to say nicky for everything but.. bitch.... it’s nicky. He’s cold all the time my guy he wants A) cuddles and B) 16 duvets and he will take both directly from erik’s flesh

who gets more sad? 

:( nicky probs, we don’t know like. a lot about erik?? but he seems so well adjusted w religion meeting sexuality meeting his inner peace or w/e, and his family sponsored lil american nicky so i think he’s good. But nicky has a lifetime of injustice baked right into him and he’s all skin deep sunshine but you’d be surprised how many bad days he has

who is better at cheering the other up? 

two way street honestly. Erik just holds nicky, and the problems can’t get to him, like. He just gathers him in and listens and it’s a lot like wringing water from a dish cloth tbh. But nicky is a song and dance routine waiting to happen so if erik’s sick or upset or struggling, nicky’s so there and he’s so sweetly engaged and good to you wtf. what a mom

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

lmao finally this actually applies to a couple I bet you erik does a lot of eye-rolling at whatever nicky says but I also bet you that nicky will slap a boy if he makes a pun

who is more streetwise?

uhhhh gotta go nicky I think?? just bc he’s seen some shit. I think erik knows the ins and outs of german backstreets in a way nicky doesn’t but when it comes right down to it nicky is a fox ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

who is more wise?

I think erik is a machine and he knows all. of. his. shit!! I think nicky finds him super hot bc he’s smart and capable like that’s his number one kink 

who’s the shyest? 

erik holy shit he’s just a moderate english speaker with a big heart and fear in his eyes. Nicky is the loudest mouthed most excitable sweetie and erik is his balance. Like he’s calm and quiet but funny and they work

who boasts about the other more? 

again.. nicky spends the whole series sighing dreamily about erik, he ! loves ! him !

who sits on who’s lap?

tbh if erik’s lap is available and even sometimes when it isn’t nicky will be IN IT. he’ll move erik’s laptop and climb aboard son, if erik is standing and nicky wants to sit, surprise honey we’re both sitting now

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 4.1.2017, 3.31.2007

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and ten years ago this week.

3.31.2007

42) "With Love," Hilary Duff

This was thoroughly unpleasant. Hold up, before I check Wikipedia, I'ma guess Kara DioGuardi was in on this one? I think I've listened to enough 2007 at this point that I can recognize Kara DioGuardi's trademark blechery in here. /checks the credits/ OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY IS SHE SO TRASH. Kara DioGuardi has written plenty of bad songs, including the two most disappointing songs I've heard as part of this project. She's given a credit on "Be Good to Me," which you'll recall was a travesty, and she's given a credit here, on this bad imitation of a Timbaland song. I won't do a Worst 10 or anything like that, because why would I think about things I don't like any longer than I have to, but I guarantee, there’d be multiple Kara DioGuardi joints on a Worst 10. I'm not going to look at her Wikipedia page, for the same reason other people find it difficult to watch Hannibal, but also to keep life full of surprises.

68) "Survivalism," Nine Inch Nails

a fun thing about listening to political songs from 2007 is how quaint they seem now. remember when the problems we have today were still problems but like 1% as bad as they are now? say what you will about dubya, he never flew into a rage on a saturday morning and accused bill clinton of wiretapping the texas rangers. there was some shit being pulled in 2007, like f’rinstance remember that one time the president suspended habeas corpus for undocumented immigrants? that was pretty unchill. but at least he wasn't gleefully racist. at least he didn't propose we spend billions of dollars to build a monument to racism.

76) "Get It Shawty," Lloyd

I didn't hate this! This song is incredibly 2007, but it's 2007 in a way that's somewhat timeless, if that makes any sense. Like, in 2014, I wrote about Nico & Vinz's "Am I Wrong?" that, yeah, there's a few things in there that will mark it as being from 2014, but if you wrote this song in any era, it could have blended in with that era's trends and styles with aplomb, and we would have loved it all the same. There's a lot here that's very 2007, but at its core, this song is kind of perfect, could have been released today and sound like a hit from today and still occupy the same space in my heart. It's like "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)," or Amerie's "One Thing," just a solid song which'll make you go "Oh yeah! This! I loved this!" when it comes on.

90) "You Know I'm No Good," Amy Winehouse ft./Ghostface Killah 91) "Rehab," Amy Winehouse

It is uncouth to speak ill of the dead. It is also uncouth to write that sentence in this context, prolly, but let us be known for what we are. I hope she's doing better. (That bass on "You Know I'm No Good," tho.)

94) "Beautiful Liar," Beyonce & Shakira

Listen, team, we need to talk about restraint for a second, because there are a thousand ways this project could have gone wrong. You get two superstars on the track together, there's absolutely the risk of putting something completely overcooked on the market, some showy vocal battle, but everything here is so understated. The Middle Eastern-y sound could have been laid on too thick, but it's doled out in this tiny, almost imperceptible dose, and that sets the tone for the rest of the track. No one belts anything, because it's understood that there's nothing to belt about, just a dumb boy that isn't worth the effort, and Beyonce and Shakira are compelling singers who don't NEED to be belting all the time to get the point across. This is such a fascinating song! You would expect a song from two titans to attempt to set fire to the world, but this merely simmers, doesn't even boil, just simmers, and it's an agreeable choice.

96) "Like This," Kelly Rowland ft./Eve

The synth track on this song kind of, kind of sounds like the main menu theme of Yoshi's Island, at least sounds close enough to Yoshi's Island that I can completely fuck with this, even if I think the drum track is kind of illogical. (Bob! you should be making jokes, what is this music criticism thing.) UGH FINE oh wow kelly rowland follow beyonce much. you know how like you two used to be in destiny's child but beyonce had a much more successful solo career. hey where's the michelle williams one. um, michelle williams much? that's a person also who was in destiny's child as well, also. she's very less successful! how about that! having fun living a full life and hopefully retiring early after having made smart investments with the money you made from your time in a popular music group? what a putz!

2007 Top 20 In Progress, Except Not Really, Because 2007 Is Kinda Over if You Haven’t Noticed? But I’m Still Ranking These Songs as I Go Because I Don’t Know What Else to Do. 20) "Outside Looking In," by Jordan Pruitt (2.24.2007) 19) "Like a Boy," by Ciara (3.17.2007) 18) "Grace Kelly," by MIKA (2.17.2007) 17) "Get it Shawty," by Lloyd (3.31.2007) 16) "Break 'Em Off," by Paul Wall ft./Lil' KeKe (3.10.2007) 15) "My Oh My," by The Wreckers (1.27.2007) 14) "Mr. Jones," by Mike Jones (1.27.2007) 13) "Settlin'," by Sugarland (2.17.2007) 12) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 11) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 10) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 9) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 8) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 7) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 6) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 5) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 4) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 3) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 2) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 1) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) Jordan Pruitt, hanging on for one more week! Can she keep the miracle run near the bottom of the chart going? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH I ENJOY “WHO KNEW.”

4.1.2017

14) "No Frauds," by Nicki Minaj, Drake, & Lil Wayne

This was a very boring song, most of which concerns a topic in which I'm not particularly invested? Like I guess it's kind of interesting to drop a diss track where you sound completely disinterested in the beef, the response is perfunctory and you're only responding because your opponent's name carries some weight and people'll give you shit if you completely ignore it. I’m down for a diss track where the participant is hella bored by this nonsense, but that probably wasn't the intended interpretation. I dunno. If there's one thing I learned from digging through just three months' worth of 2007 hits, it's that there are songs meant to be forgotten, and I have a feeling, if there is a 2027 and we're all still free, there's gonna be another obsessive white dude who's made poor life choices and poorer facial hair choices digging through the 2017 vaults, coming across this song, and realizing sometimes things are forgotten because they're forgettable.

61) "Regret in Your Tears," by Nicki Minaj

I'm of two minds on this. The first one doesn't think we put Nicki Minaj on this earth to make Drake songs. But also, I had a good time! It sounded inspiring, and the idea of a Nicki Minaj break-up song is so inherently interesting to me that I'd almost put it in the "down for this no matter what" category. I just think it could've been a touch more creative than "here's Nicki doing a sad song."

71) "Changed It," by Nicki Minaj & Lil' Wayne

That thing Nicki does at 1:45, "I am Billie Jean and the bitch is my SON," that's why we never stop believing. That's why we listen to this nonsense with entirely too much modern-day Lil' Wayne, because Nicki Minaj will ocassionally do things like that with her voice.

72) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky

I DON'T KNOW WHY FRANK DECIDED TO START BEING BREEZY AND MAKE SONGS THAT ARE FUN TO LISTEN TO BUT I APPRECIATE THAT HE'S ZAGGIN' ON 'EM. It feels shitty to give this song a couple of spins and then form a loud all-capsable opinion about it, because that feels like giving the intricacy and depth of Frank Ocean's songs short shrift. But it's his own damn fault for making this song so breezy! It's not necessarily lighthearted, it's not like Frank Ocean is ever gonna take us to his happy place, but it's airy and soft (you know, soft, like air sometimes is), it feels good to just let these sounds envelop you, and I haven't quite yet figured out how to express what I love about the transition to Rocky's verse, but trust that I loved it. (Maybe this doesn't need to go up the date the chart drops?) nah, we’re good

78) "Liability," by Lorde

This feels like a song that's probably going to be really dope in the context of the album, where it can play the supporting role it is clearly meant to play, but as a standalone track, I dunno. It's definitely more interesting than the average piano-'n-strings song, you can really hear that Fun. sound clear as day. It's just not particularly substantive on its own. Though, I suppose if it's being released as a teaser, it performs the job admirably, giving just a hint of what the album could sound like. I'm stoked.

95) "Prblms," by 6LACK

sadness is not the only valid emotion. darkness cannot exist without light. fucking christ, you people won't listen to "Run Up," but you'll listen to a parade of fucking dudes bleat about how shitty their relationships are. i don't get it.

The 2017 Top 20, Which Actually Is in Progress! 20) "Regret in Your Tears," by Nicki Minaj (4.1) 19) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo (1.14) 18) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4) 17) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 16) "Draco," by Future (3.11) 15) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 14) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 13) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 12) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 11) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 10) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 9) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 8) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 7) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 6) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 5) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 4) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) “iSpy” is a freshly-minted Top 10 hit, and I’m so excited for that. Light the way forward, KYLE. Show the world it’s okay to be happy and make fun songs.

Who won the week?

Frank Ocean had the best individual song, and that is to be commended, but oh my stars does 2007 ever take it. “With Love” would sink weaker ships, but we had “Beautiful Liar” and “Get it Shawty” on this one, along with the Yoshi’s Island sounds and the bass line in an Amy Winehouse song. “Chanel” took to the seas with one pretty cool Nicki song, two bleh Nicki songs, fucking 6LACK, and a Lorde song not meant to live on its own. It falls to the bottom of the ocean, and future underwater anthropologists (prolly a thing?) will find it in the wreckage and ask how..

Official Standings 2007: 1 2017: 0 (it kinda won last week, but I’m not counting that as a win, because honestly that was more scouting report than battle.)

Rough week for 2017, but hey: Drake made a new thing! If nothing else, at least this week wasn’t that.

[sashayed]

thesuperfeyneednoshoes replied to your photoset “i put on Powerful Lipstick this morning to try to hide the fact that i...”

You remind me of my aunt, wow.

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