#typical vain girl stuff

[modernsuperhero]

Who are these fun characters and why are they taking over my dash? /pos /please tell me abt your blorbos

i'm assuming you mean these little guys:

These guys are my newest silliest dudes from the webcomic School Bus Graveyard! It's free to read on webtoons here and is currently in talks to get a TV adaptation soon so now is 1000% the time to be getting into it!! It's basically a supernatural mystery about six high school freshmen from Georgia who go on a field trip and end up sucked into a demon dimension every time it hits midnight! It's super cool - the pacing is very good imo, a good balance of the Main Plot (oh no we need to survive the Demon Dimension again, also Why Are We In A Demon Dimension) with character development and backstory stuff!

The characters are badass but in a way I feel is very realistic? Like, not just "oh i'm the protagonist suddenly i know how to judo flip armies the moment i'm in danger" but more like "i'm going to train for months in self defense classes to build up some basic muscles" kinda way. The characters themselves are also pretty well fleshed out - they're not just the typical archetypes. Like, the "weak bullied nerd kid" isn't JUST a weak bullied nerd kid, he has well developed motivations and backstory and simultaneously realistic and satisfying character growth.

There are implied potential/future romances but it is so NOT the core point of the story, so whether or not that's your thing you can either ignore it or get excited about it in equal measure. The characters also aren't just edgy and gritty "we must deal with this alone... augh misery woe is us..." they actively do what they can to use all the resources available to them (including trying to get help from their parents, which is an ick for me in other media when the kid protagonists just refuse to ask for help? or assume they can't without trying? anyway).

I would say to be careful about any warnings at the beginning of specific chapters, because some can get quite violent.

The six main characters, without giving to many spoilers, are as follows under the cut (cuz this got long):

The protagonist Ashlyn, an asocial ballerina with her loving ex-military parents, who has a condition that gives her incredibly sensitive/enhanced hearing (she ends up using this to help detect the monsters after them, since they're otherwise silent to the other protagonists!)

Aiden, a creepily-smiley ex-homeschooled rich kid who has no concept of social convention or personal space. Has forcibly chosen Ashlyn to be his friend during his first year in school against her will and ends up accidentally setting off the chain of events leading to the Plot. (I love him. He definitely has Every Mental Illness <3)

Ben, Aiden's incredibly physically intimidating cousin, who is mute and so, so sweet and gentle and follows Aiden like his shadow, in part to take care of him when Aiden's antics get him injured and in part because Ben's muteness makes it incredibly difficult for people to understand him. Aiden, however, can understand his nonverbal communications with ease

Taylor, a friendly girl's girl who tries (often in vain) to befriend Ashlyn. Is also a talented mechanic who ends up putting googly eyes on her weapon once they end up in the Demon Dimension. She's the most Emotionally Aware Person Here but also she's like, 15, so, the bar is on the floor

Tyler, Taylor's twin brother, a somewhat aggressive and rude baseball jock who mostly Minds His Own Damn Business aside from his clinginess to Taylor. In fact they wear matching outfits in almost every episode of the comic it's so funny and cute. Is often found fighting bullies to defend their victims so i forgive him for all his own asshole crimes he's just a dude. he's one of my little guys

Logan, who is canonically compared to a puppy. Shy, intelligent, and incredibly empathetic! My partner's favorite character who has one of the best character arcs so far imo. Likes photography, astrology, and gardening. I think they should give him more guns, as a treat. He can never have enough

anyways thank you for the ask! overall i highly recommend - it's still ongoing, we're currently in the middle of season two!! the mystery is unfolding, there's funny and sweet moments along with the intense ones, and i am INVESTED. :DDDDDD

[heavenlymorals]

Susan Grimshaw - A Small Deep dive Into A Complicated Woman

(Warning: This post contains mentions of period typical sexism and gender roles, as well as spoilers for RDR2)

Susan Grimshaw is one of the most interesting characters in the Van Der Linde gang and perhaps one of the most mischaracterized as well. She is either this beloved tough mother caricature or a deplorable hag more reminiscent of Cinderella's step mother than any true matriarch.

Today, though, I want to go into a little cultural deep dive regarding Miss Grimshaw. I want to explore the cultural significance of her character and how she's sadly a representation of the affects of misogyny and how it could affect a woman.

And for context, I come from a culture that still operates under many of the gender roles that 1899 America followed so all the stuff I'm gonna talk about are all things I've seen and/or experienced in my life time.

Grimshaw seems to me like a woman who is trying to compensate. What do I mean by this? Simple. What I mean is that in such a male dominated society that expected women to adhere to their standards, the fact that Susan Grimshaw wasn't able to is a source of insecurity for her, which then makes her lash out on the other girls of the camp.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, she heavily values male praise and authority. She is generally sweet and playful with Arthur, giving the vibe of that mother that we all seem to love so much, but with the girls, she's hell incarnate.

The second we get into Horseshoe Overlook, she talks to Arthur on how they got his tent ready and then tells Dutch and Hosea they would be ready shortly. The second we get into Horseshoe Overlook, she tells Tilly: "Miss Jackson, I've seen shit with more common sense than you, do it properly!". That one scene shows or gives an idea of how she is with the men vs how she is with the women.

She is awful to the girls. She reminds me a lot of mothers who are sweet and even servant-like to their sons and who view their daughters as competition, thus are harder and horrible to them (to my fellow Arab girlies, you know how it is. It sucks).

She never lets them rest and always gets on them for working the "wrong" way. That's pretty damn demoralizing. She berates them, calls them whores, and even physically assaults them. She even complains that she hates how Dutch won't allow her to whip them. And here's the thing, you can't even cite historical attitude with her behavior because even back then, abusive mistresses were criticised and seen in a bad light.

One of the most vile things she's ever done is try to pressure Abigail into prostitution again, even though she knows that Abigail is a mother and never wants to do that again, threatening her by telling her that she'd bring the matter up to Dutch even if Dutch himself never wanted her to do any of that.

But that behavior stems from her own insecurity of not hitting the milestones that women were expected to reach at that point.

She isn't married, nor was married, and a woman's identity of marriage was such a big thing back then that Grimshaw tries to cope with it by being decent with the men or accepting their flattery. She gets interested in Micah before he makes fun of her for being an older woman. She was willing to go out with Uncle before he asks her for money. She is fond of Dutch and still talks about when they were together sometimes and doesn't dare berate Molly because she's Dutch's girl. She even ignores the girls when they are doing something not work wise with the men- probably to please the man.

Tilly mentions this. "If I'm playing with you, she'll leave me alone."

But no one wants her and that then makes her lash out. She bullies Mary Beth on how she's too vain and that her beauty will go away, just like it "went away for her" and that what's left is awful. Like that such a sad mindset but in the time period she lived in, it makes sense. Women were usually married off by their early twenties due to their youth and vigor and beauty was perhaps the most important part of a woman because it's the only area where she is respected and that fucking sucks (note how many myth/historical women are praised almost only for their beauty). As women grew older, they'd become less desirable to the male dominant society, thus they would be shamed and humiliated. This even happens to Bonnie McFarlane in RDR1 in the newspapers when she's only in her late twenties, but because she isn't married, she gets shamed.

Grimshaw feels insecure about these aspects of her, of her looks, of her age, and that makes her lash out on the other women of the camp because they are young and beautiful. It makes her feel like she has a power that she lost by being a 50+ year old woman with nothing to her name.

So to compensate and to show her "value" as a woman, she works and works and works to dignify Dutch's camp because in that aspect of her life, she doesn't need to worry about her insecurities.

Yes. Grimshaw cares for the girls, and she'll scrap for all of them, but that doesn't mean she isn't a problematic and toxic person. It's sad that she feels like she needs to do all that for male approval in a male dominant society but good God, man. Again, she's literally that mother who feels threatened by her daughter and competes with her but treats her son like a prince, even if she still loves her daughter.

Yea, she helped save Tilly and pointed her gun at Micah in the end, but that doesn't mean she's just this "tough" mother figure. No. She's mean and toxic and awful and all of that is because of misogyny and how it feeds into her own insecurities as an older woman.

It's fucking sad.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

EVE (PARADISE LOST)

1.) I recognise how insane this submission is because this was written in 1667 and so attitudes towards women were obviously very different. But misogyny has always existed, no matter the time period, and so I think it’s fair to pick up on it. Although Milton somewhat avoids painting Eve as the wicked seductress, she is nevertheless presented as inherently inferior to Adam - her ‘virtue’ and 'passion’ are supposed to be an equal counterpart to Adam’s intellect but Milton’s clear resentment of Eve shines through. She is vain from the beginning - enamoured with her own reflection until she meets Adam. She is Adam’s subordinate and readily accepts her place in the hierarchy below him, until she meets Satan. Women seeking power and knowledge is therefore inextricably tied to the fall of mankind. Her attempt for some kind of independence away from Adam (going to tend the garden away from him) is also presented as the primary reason she succumbed to Satan because Adam is needed to protect her. Eve (the mother of all women) therefore creates the assumption that women are weak and easily misled away from men. The description of her eating the apple is very sexual - perhaps reflecting the anxieties of men at the time of being cuckolded and therefore dishonoured by their wives. She is the ultimate disobedient, dangerous wife. Her reason for sharing the forbidden knowledge with Adam, rather than keeping it for herself, is because she is worried she will face the wrath of God and be replaced with another Eve. So it is her jealousy that brings them both down. (It is all a lot more complicated than this so Eng lit people don’t kill me) but yeah poor Eve.

CORDELIA CHASE (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/ANGEL THE SERIES) (CW: Pregnancy)

1.) (downs an entire bottle of vodka and slams it back on the table) SO. CORDY. Cordy started off as a supporting character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At the start she was your typical high school mean girl character, but as the show went on we got to see more depth to her character: her insecurities, her courage, her capacity for incredible acts of kindness. Then after the third season she moved into the show’s spin off, Angel, where from the beginning she was basically the show’s secondary protagonist. Her and Angel were the two mainstays of the show’s main cast, she gets the most episodes centered on her out of all the characters aside from Angel (and yes, I’ve checked), and we really got to see her grow from a very shallow and self-centered and kind of mean person to a true hero who was prepared to give up any chance at a normal life to fight the good fight while still never losing the basic core of her character. There were some… questionable moments like the episode where she gets mystically pregnant with demon babies and things got a bit iffy like halfway through season 3 where the writers seemed to run out of ideas for what to do with her outside of sticking her in this romance drama/love triangle situation with the main character but overall, pretty good stuff right? THEN SEASON 4 HAPPENED. In season 4 she gets stripped of literally all agency and spends pretty much the entire season possessed by an evil higher power, and while possessed she sleeps with Angel’s teenage son (who BY THE WAY she had helped raise as a baby before he got speed-grown-up into a teenager it was a whole thing don’t worry about it) and gets pregnant with like. the physical manifestation of the higher power that’s possessing her. it’s about as bad and stupid as it sounds and also is like the third time cordy’s got mystically pregnant in this show and like the fourth mystical pregnancy storyline overall (you will be hearing more on that note in other submissions I’m so sorry). after giving birth she goes into a coma, in which she remains for the rest of season 4 and the first half of season 5. SPEAKING OF WHICH DON’T THINK SEASON 5 IS GETTING OFF SCOT FREE HERE. yeah so in season 5 the show just FULLY starts trying to erase cordy’s existence. she gets mentioned ONCE in the first episode and then never again until halfway through the season where she wakes up, helps out Angel for a bit and encourages him in his fight against evil, and then goes quietly into that good night and dies so it can be all sad and tragic. I’d call it the worst fridging of all time but even THAT feels generous because the whole point of fridging is killing off a female character so a man can be sad, and after Cordy dies basically no one’s even sad about it because the show immediately goes back to pretending she never existed. she is not mentioned ONCE in the two episodes after she dies. in the whole stretch of time between her death and the end of the season she gets mentioned exactly four times. again, I counted. anyway the fun twist to all of this is that all of this happened because the actress who played cordy got pregnant before season 4 and joss whedon was so pissed off about this affecting his plans for the show that he decided to completely fuck over her character and then fire her and write her out of the show. so cordy’s a victim of both writing AND real life misogyny!! good times!!

2.) OH SO MANY THINGS they menaced by giving her terrible hair cuts, making her seem like she’d get together with the guy she loves (and who loves her back) but instead she was killed and when she was brought back, she got possessed by an evil entity who used her body to give birth to itself. afterwards she was in a long coma and died. her character was so throughoutly assassinated

3.) She got demonically pregnant TWICE - there was this real sense of a womb/ability to get pregnant as like, a place for evil to get in. She got positioned as femme fatale and evil mother. The actress basically got fired for being pregnant, and when she agreed to come back for a single final episode she specifically said they could do anything but kill off the character. Guess what happened

[ramonahblog]

Fighting the urge to write an Epic Winter rewrite because damn, they had an opportunity and flubbed it by making Daring the beast instead of Rosabella but I don't want to deal with the whole...Epic Winter thing.

Wait, hear me out.

Rosabella gives me big "I know best" energy which is typical for teenage activists but easily leads to talking over and ignoring the people one claims to fight for as well prioritising stuff that...doesn't matter or is very minor.

First off, let's get rid of the aura-thing. Or rather, Rosabella can still see auras but she's mistaken in that it reveals the true character. I'm thinking it's really more of a reliable mood ring but not to fuss on what it actually is. Only that it can't be true-character-reveal thing. I get where it was getting at but no. Unless it does but Rosabella is misinterpreting the meanings? IDK, I just dislike the whole aura-thing as it is with her.

Rosabella, in her attempt to fulfill her mother's destiny, assumes Daring will become a beast because she hyper-focuses on Daring's self-absorbed traits to the point she ignores the times Daring is sincere and caring. She also ignores the fact she isn't close to Daring so she doesn't really know him.

In her attempts to "fix" Daring before he turns into a Beast, she (accidentally!) keeps interfering with his genuine kind moments because he's still Daring about it so she doesn't see them for what they are. He doesn't do them like she does. She's a teenager who has been told she'd be the next Beauty of Beauty and the Beast in an universe that is very There is Only One Right Way To Do Things.

And she's the next Beauty, so she can't be wrong about Daring being beastly, can she? She's the next Beauty, so she's helping, isn't she? She's helping and she's right and she helped keep Rugsy in school and made sure people know ogres just wanted to live their life so she can't be wrong, she can't be.

After all, she's the next Beauty and Daring is obviously her beast so she's helping him. She can't be wrong.

Wakes up one day and oh oops, she's now a beast?

This also fixes the fact that Daring had arcs in Lizzie's Date (deliberately humiliating himself to keep his promise to Lizzie) and Thronecoming that Epic Winter backpedals in a way that doesn't make sense.

This leaves a few possibility in regards to Rosabella's "Beauty".

Daring, who has also recently discovered the destiny he was raised and groomed for isn't his, could be someone that empathises with how Rosabella would feel being blindsided. This would show her that just because Daring's method of kindness isn't the same as hers doesn't mean it's no longer kind. And that it's normal for people to have flaws.

Plus the fact the Daring wait from cowering from his Beastly form to checking himself out in just a matter of words...I'm just saying, no one does that unless a part of them already was, you know?

Whether this is platonic or Daring is her beauty (which part of me is tickled at the idea of a kindhearted but vain beauty) or he is her Beauty but platonically is whatever to me.

There's few downsides to making Daring be this character.

First is Daring's been raised from birth to rescue damsels-in-distress. Granted, Epic Winter is set right after Dragon Games so a Daring choosing to comfort Rosabella is still a choice he would have to make. And have to make at his lowest, (and possibly most humiliated) point.

He's also now aimless, his entire purpose was not his purpose. So the whole thing of what had turned Rosabella into a beast could easily get lost.

I suppose this could be upsides depending on the writer but, for me, this is a downside.

The other downside is that Beauty and the Beast seems to be one of the (or only?) few fairytales in EAH where the girl has to rescue the guy has an expected role to play. By having Daring become "beauty", it kinda flips that to an unexpected but still expected role.

The other possibility:

Cerise.

Hear me out (again).

What better way to say Grimm (and EA in general) insistence of by-the-book follow is wrong than have the character The Rules insistent shouldn't exist and is an abomination for existing be Beauty? Someone whose existence has Hood Hollow vying for her banishment to the point they loophole the whole "banishment has to be unanimous" rule they apparently had.

Which gives me so many questions but is irrelevant to this particular post right now.

Having Cerise, who entire existence is pretty much summed up to "You Should Not Exist" and shies away from people because of it, because she's not meant to exist be the one to comfort and help Rosabella is great.

There's also the fact that it would be more of...a difficult* choice for Cerise to be search out Rosabella and help her than Daring as Daring would at least have his hero training to fall back on even while he's at his lowest point.

That and Epic Winter did have Cerise be the only one to react positively** to Daring's beast form during his Daring Walk. So you know, there's that.

If I do write this, I'm probably going to go with Cerise as Beauty simply because I adore how much of a "screw you" it would be to the whole Destiny&Legacy thing that EAH (in-universe) pushes.

IDK if I will write it. I just wanted to put this out here in case it tickles anyone else's brain and they want to write it or whatever creative form they like.

**Epic Winter AU where Daring turns around and sees Cerise checking him out. I have no further thoughts.

[cherienymphe]

https://www.tumblr.com/cherienymphe/751865206053945344/what-happened-girl

I’m so sorry the universe is making you have these thoughts 💔 Suicidal ideation is one of the toughest feelings a person can possibly undergo, and I’m speaking from experience. I know it probably doesn’t help, but just know that there are people out there who care about you and would be devastated if something happened to you. I don’t even know you personally, but I simply take joy in sending asks back and forth with you, like last night when we were talking about TV shows that make us happy. I typically try and think about what my future may look like and the things I would be missing out on if I made the decision to leave this world, but I know thoughts like the ones you’re having can be so loud that nothing really helps. Would you mind me asking what specific occurrences are giving you such feelings of hopelessness?

I've been applying for a different job for literal months (since 2023) because I'm sick of just barely scraping by every month if I'm lucky and I'm at my wits end because it just seems like it's not in the cards for me and I'm just supposed to be fucking miserable all the time. Like there are important things I'm trying to do and handle and it's like all my efforts are in vain like someone is laughing at me even attempting to get my life together. I'm really tired of companies claiming they're hiring when they're clearly not and I'm having personal issues with my family where I'm wondering why I'm even offering myself to help people who evidently just enjoy thinking the worst of me and there's other stuff today that I'd rather not get into but everything is just hitting me back to back to back and I'm so sick of it and wondering what the point is. If I'm just meant to be stuck in this position for God knows how long I could just not even be here and not put up with any of it

[wrishwrosh]

the vaster wilds has the typical goodreads problem of all the negative reviews just being “this book was gross and sad and nothing happened :((“ “the prose was stylized and hard to understand”” but as a gross sad stylized prose enjoyer these critiques do not get to the MEAT of all the evils herein present

- the problem of the enlightened protagonist, where a character who has nominally lived in the real historical past until the book begins and yet somehow manages to individually develop a 21st century twitter-educated perspective on colonialism, god, and nature. classic groffism nothing new

- remember that tweet about how hiking is a bourgeois affectation and indigenous people never hiked before colonization. imagine if that was the premise of an entire novel. written by somebody who went to amherst

- another classic groffism is taking a real historical figure about whom almost nothing is known and constructing a history for them that can’t technically be ruled out as impossible given the dearth of records but IS ahistorical, implausible, and kind of stupid while also making sure that the one thing that is concretely known about this person is weirdly and smugly deemphasized in the narrative. in this case the historical figure is “jane” the anonymous teenage girl whose remains were found at jamestown exhibiting signs of butchering. the cannibalism is treated as a twist ending which is dumb as hell and made the pacing insanely frustrating as this was obvious from the beginning to any true jamestownheads in the audience. also the cannibalism of a young woman seems like an obvious place of exploration for a novel nominally about the exigencies of subsistence survival and how hard it was to be a girl in the dark ages before second wave feminism but what do i know. obviously you should just kind of shoehorn it in as a gotcha in the last 20 pages serving as the millionth indication that the bad guys in this narrative are bad and do bad things

- speaking of the bad guys every single character aside from the narrator is a one dimensional paper doll present to essentially speak one of groffs points directly into camera and then vanish in a way that literally made me laugh out loud several times. Some Women Are Vain, Which Is Bad. Some Men Hurt Women And Native People For Fun, Which Is Evil.

- there was a stylistic decision made to not capitalize proper nouns which sure. it makes sense with what the book is trying to do to not capitalize god or english or powhatan. but then it was so inconsistently applied like why is atlantic (ocean) not capitalized but James (river) is. why is god lowercase but Sunday is uppercase. why are all the names capitalized but titles that function as names arent. stop the madness

- a personal nitpick now but i have spent a lot of time kicking around in the area where the book is set and was hoping at least there would be some evocative descriptions of this place that i love. and yet in this book nominally about wilderness there was so little specificity in the depiction of it! this could have been any forest! the specific natural setting did not feel like a tidewater forest! feels like groff wrote it based on a google search of pamunkey traditional lifestyles and a glance at a topographic map

- cant even get into all the reductive and underresearched gender stuff but know it’s there. classic groffism

- finally and most minimally yet perhaps most egregiously groff has yet again failed to internalize a religious worldview in order to write a religious character. this narrator is a change from marie in matrix as we are sternly informed on page 4 that she believes what she has been told about christianity. like once every 20 pages groff remembers that and has her pray or something and then once she has been away from her culture for about 200 pages she realizes god is a lie and that’s the arc. cool!

- why bother! why bother with this setting, this character, this real place and real historical event and real belief system, if you arent going to USE any of it. this should have been a zine about climate change. it should have been like six tweets. if it needed to be fiction (and im not convinced it did) it should have been a contemporary novel and like three things could have been changed. why! bother!

in summary, i went so insane that i googled every single person mentioned in the acknowledgements to see how many were historians or archaeologists or librarians or ecologists or associates of the pamunkey tribe or anyone else who might be assumed to have expertise here and there was: one. illustrative i think!!!!

[bittersweet-folder]

☆Bewitched~

REWRITING IS CONSIDERED!! AND THE FULL FIC WILL BE LONGER !!

The wizard Kwon Soonyoung x the love witch reader

Tw: Supernatural au, both reader and Soonyoung are aged up and in their twenties, Reader and Soonyoung's families are close friends. Reader has daddy issues and reader's father has left their family for years.

| word count: 1440 | main masterlist | witchy "ber" masterlist | taglist: @hongmingoo @shuabby1994 , @nishloves , @unlikelysublimekryptonite , @asyre , @yumiyumis-blog |

Ps: this is not very historically accurate.

Chapter 1 -

Song rec: from the start by laufey/ must be love by laufey.

from the start/must be love

Kwon Soonyoung, a family friend's,more accurately your mom's friend's son, the infamous wizard and exorcist (not really but he knew how to perform an exorcism so yeah) was the man who never really tried to get close to you as friends or maybe he did, it was quite complicated. He always has had, what we say in typical terms, called professionalism and a stern character while he's around any of his co-workers or other fellow wizards and witches. He never let his guard down around you despite you both knowing each other since you guys were ten years old. Not that he was like that from the start. He was bubbly and you both were friends which got substituted with this professional aura. You weren't used to it. Things with your family weren't going too right as well. With your mother and father going through separation since your father had another woman in his life, you were left with your mother. "It wasn't as bad anyways" you thought but there was an after effect. But one way or another, things just find their way to be okay, to be happy somehow and you were. Living in your own house, you made more or less good earnings with any medicines, potions, handicraft stuff. Of course at first glance people might think you live in vain and poverty but no your family had a good reputation in the town you lived, especially your mother's side was more or less wealthy. So a simple life with your two cats was an everyday thing for you.

~~~~~~~~~☆

"Soo who do we have here? Mr Kwon Soonyoung huh?" You raised your eyebrows with your lips having a tight lipped smile laced on them. "Okay enough for my dramatic talk, why are you here? You never come to my house until it's 'business' or 'work' stuff. A tarot read? Do you want that?" You asked as you crossed your leg, leaned back on your couch with your hot coffee waiting on the center table in front of you.

"Well you aren't exactly wrong but i need help with something else this time?" He said really calmly looking straight into your eyes.

'Yeah always a calm and reserved look in things like these' you thought.

"So basically it's just you gotta help me with an exorcism. Basically it's a girl this time and as you know I do not prefer dealing with women or girls who have been possessed" Soonyoung said, very calmly.

"Well yeah I remember the last time the woman who was possessed, after coming back to his senses very quickly found herself in your arms, you holding her and then accused you of harassing her. It was fucking weird" You stated, deadpan, now taking a sip of your coffee.

"Yeah and then you slapped her and she fainted and fed her a potion. So later on when she wakes up she forgets what happened before. I still don't understand. Why did you slapped her- that was so outta the blue" he said, staring at you with an awkward smile like a deer caught in headlights.

"I needed time to make the potion and I had the urge to slap her after witnessing her show of unnecessary drama where she thinks she's a damsel in distress trying to get of "a little too dangerous spirit" off of her "beautiful body" and coming up with those accusations. Just quote unquote speaking of what she said." You sipped on your coffee. "Be glad I didn't bash her head with a damn chair" And then flashed a warm smile towards him.

Soonyoung would be lying if he didn't feel chills running down his spine.

"Anyways when are we meeting this new one you're talking about? Also how old is she?"

Soonyoung sat on the sofa beside you and crossed his arms. You looked at him.

"Well, the day after tomorrow. She's around twelve years old."

"AROUND TWELVE!? Are you kidding me right now!?" You exclaimed being surprised at the fact that it's a child.

"Calm down, you'll make me go deaf. Don't scream like that" Soonyoung said outta annoyance.

"Excuse me sir, she's a kid. You can most definitely handle her, you won't even need my help then" You said stating a matter of fact.

"It's her father. Her mother left her father. And you know fathers are protective towards their daughters, so you automatically get it why. right?"

"I see. Alright then" you said, your voice almost dropping in the end to a whisper.

Yeah you got it even if you didn't experience it. You wondered though, how it might feel. But at the same time being in your twenties made you feel like you should automatically get a grip on yourself and let it be the way it is. Telling your younger self you'll someday be old enough to understand, is, what you wished for though sometimes. You were always a bit lost in thoughts though every time someone would talk about their father like now.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" Soonyoung looked at you with a worried look on his face.

"No I'm not because you're sitting beside me" You said with an annoyed look on your face. He let out a chuckle and stood up.

"Okay I'll get going now" He stepped ahead towards the door across the hall room but stopped halfway and turned around. You raised an eyebrow and looked at him.

"What?"

"Don't you think you should show some courtesy to at least walk me to the door and open it for me?"

"Oh I see" You stood up, walked towards him and stopped beside him.

"Happy now? Mr. Always professional." You said with a smile on your face.

He smirked and leaned closer to your face.

"Okay Y/n seriously stop calling me that and what about the door" He said in a lower voice.

"And what if I don't, what will you do?"

He was now stepping closer to you. You were now, the one stepping back almost about to knock over the table on which the lamp was kept. Soonyoung quickly slide his around your waist and pulled your closer with your hands instinctively placing on his chest to stop before you got any closer than you already were.

"So tell me, is this very professional of me? No, right? So drop that name honey. Just call me Soonyoung okay?"

"Oh. Say please" you smirked.

He pulled away and started walking towards the door hiding his slightly flushed face. And to his horror you did notice that.

He cleared his throat and then said "Okay I'll get going. See you day after tomorrow then"

"Absolutely Mr. Kwon Soonyoung" you said like you're pronouncing each and every letter of his name just to tease him more.

You got back to the sofa and sat finishing off your leftover coffee and smiled at the thought of him getting all flushed up because of your words.

Just then you saw a small piece of paper flowing in your room towards you and then falling on your center table. You took the paper in your hand. It was a small note which read.

“Well thanks for always helping out Y/n. And if being unprofessional, might as well be complimenting your 'just woke up an hour ago' look. You look pretty in that black nightdress and mismatched socks make you look cute”

From 'Mr. Always professional'

"Soonyoung you freaking idiot who writes all this" you cursed and whined. You took the cushion beside you and hugged it. 'He's again making his so-called advances in a flirtatious way' you thought.

~~~~~~~~~~☆

Kwon Soonyoung, who was your friend from the start but now makes you wonder otherwise about your feelings towards him. Making you feel like a lovesick fool who gives your heart a fluttering feeling everytime you see him. You wonder "it must be love" but you don't really know if all his advances, as in his flirting, are just for fun or have some intentions behind it. But a part of you thought you might as well should do something about it.

And well you did.

~~~~~~~~~~☆

A/n: finally I posted this. Sorry for keeping y'all wait. I did proofread twice. But if there's any grammatical errors please lemme know.

Thought of giving an orange theme for the first chapter despite the reader being a love witch.

Love y'all! Gonna post part two after sometime, haven't started it yet so yeah.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

[socius-animae]

‌

You know, I haven't slept since I started thinking about this pathetic man.

This ramble has two topics, 1.3k. So done with life, please go to the section below the cut if you are interested in my views on Zahard actually trying to perpetuate his love for Arlen rather than loving her and Zahard's love and behavior is the result of an unavoidable situation. By the way there is a little bit of my reader insert concept if you curious in how I would create a Zahard x reader relationship.

"Zahard was in love with Arlen Grace, noting that he loved her more than anything."

Okay, that's a statement I took from Zahard's wiki about Arlen. I'm going to describe a few things I still remember about their relationship.

Imagine you are Zahard and now you have someone that you love so much:

That person you love, first over, is reject you feelings no matter how many times you confess.

She reject you, she also fights you, opposes you, has a child with her fiancé, and then you kill her child repeatedly—each time personally using your own hands. (You sound alike to a maniac hh)

you refuse to marry any woman than her

Then making difficult for all the strong women (aka Zahard's Princess) in your kingdom to marry because they must collect something first which might cost their own life.

You also use them as soldiers, and

after more than ten thousand years, despite the many rebellions still remaining in your kingdom, all because of that woman, you continue to love her.

So, Does Zahard actually love Arlen or rather just trying to perpetuate his love and objectificate her?

Before we start, we must know that, Zahard in fact, is practically engaging in violent acts, such as killing Bam and using women as soldiers, meaning his daughters, along with all the troublesome complications of needing to put together a 13-month series. That would also be strange, considering the princesses call him "father" (if I remember correctly). And many more severe problems and wrong doings he do, but this time we will only talk about his feelings towards Arlen and what that emotions caused. It might not covering all stuff.

To me, this seems more like an obsessive attachment rather than genuine, healthy love. True love typically respects the autonomy and well-being of the other person, whereas Zahard’s actions suggest a desire to control and preserve his emotions at any cost.

I also want to discuss how Zahard objectifies Arlen and disregards her wishes as the love of someone who loves her more than anything. Would you really do that to someone you care about and love so much? Well because it's either such as yandere, or there's something wrong with you. Whether it's the definition of love, the way it's expressed, the cause and effect of it, and all of the above.

Right now, I'm doubting Zahard's love for Arlene. Zahard didn't try to kill Arlen or hit her, hurt her psychically or anything like that, if I remember correctly. Which is to say that Zahard might have wanted something sincere? Wouldn't his love be more tender? Also, what was the reason for Zahard's feelings for Arlen?

Arlen is said to be a kind-hearted person and almost no one wants to quarrel with her, wouldn't a person like Arlen tend to bring up something like "Ah, I'm not good enough for her.", which leads to the journey of being more value to add to oneself to be good enough in front of her. It makes sense that Zahard ran out of time wooing Arlen and the rest is resentment that all the effort was in vain.

This guy is so mysterious, it's annoying. So please give me more of those crumbs 😭😭 However, does it make sense to treat the girl you love like that? Hello? Even if it belongs to another man, it's still the child of the girl you like.

Zahard didn't think about Arlen's feelings, he even found pleasure in killing her child. Doesn't that sound like resentment rather than jealousy? It could have been extreme jealousy, either because Zahard was already like that or there were other factors.

This guy's actions make it hard for me to define love. In the traditional sense that knows its limits and doesn't sound like an endless obsession. I also have a feeling, is Zahard's love gradually dying out?

During his meeting with Bam on the hidden floor, you know, where there's data Eduan (hehe, he's so handsome), it says in the wiki, Zahard no longer wants to kill Bam out of hatred.

Zahard once continuously declared his love for Arlene, so isn't this a decline? I assume Zahard also has the power to lock Arlen up somewhere or just force himself on Arlene. That sounds pretty normal, then again so what? You failed to move on😭

should I just reconcile myself with "Zahard loves Arlen more than anything." Please, what are these parameters of anything? Is it okay if Zahard doesn't respect Arlen's wishes. Was Zahard there trying to snatch Arlen away from V? Other than the constant confession?

If Zahard really loves Arlen "more than anything" then he will let V and Arlen be happy, because Arlen is more important than his own happiness, more important than the desire and lust to be loved by Arlen.

You know, it's different when you say "more than anything". That's very selfless (so demure). You love her more than yourself. More than your own personal interests and desires. That's really sweet, but this is how you treat her. And you still call it love and not something that's kind of an identity that you've forced yourself into?

Is loving Arlene an extension of the ego? We can't say because we don't know why Zahard fell in love with Arlen. Or is it just me who forgot, if it's a matter of personality then it would be back to the paragraph above.

We also don't know anything about Arlen other than things related to Bam, grudges, anger, but Arlen has a gentle girl's atmosphere, then if she's that desperate, on the verge of madness because of Zahard, then what is love for Zahard if it's so brave as to be defined as above everything else.

I refuse to call that love. And we continue to wonder many things such as the truth of Zahard's love, is it all just a justification for the emotion rooted in love, why is this topic so difficult? I had a hard time figuring it out.

Although Arlen is lovable, she deserves to be treated with dignity. And Zahard didn't do that. Maybe Zahard just loved Arlen, that love was twisted because things changed Zahard, and didn't love her more than anything else.

Maybe, how SIU presented how Zahard love Arlen, just a traditional thing to add a lot of drama and mystery, avoiding unimportant plot holes like relationships and questionable motivations. Zahard's actions were either obsession, love out of normality, bent, or feelings that Zahard labeled, directed only towards Arlen it was more like symbolism.

So, my conclusion should I call it love? Obsession? Something that defines a person? Something you need to guard for your own sake? Something blinding you to everything? Something that changes you? Maybe it's love but you don't care about its autonomy. Well this can be seen from many angles, but I will use a certain angle for the sake of my concept haha.

--

Now, onto the discussion of my reader-insert concept. If we're discussing canon, then yes, it would ultimately be up to SIU, the creator of TOG, since we, as readers, can only assume things. But this also opens up the opportunity for us to have fun with the fiction.

my concept is: what if there is someone Zahard truly loves? This person is the one who triggered Zahard’s obsession with Arlen. Oh, not that he’s taking it out on Arlen—maybe that’s possible, but I feel like that’s not quite right.

This "someone" (or you) is actually one of the warriors climbing the tower. So, where were you? Nowhere, really. There was something, but you needs to be removed from the picture because you’ve done too many things wrong by changing things that were supposed to happen but didn’t because of your actions.

For example, Zahard’s love that was meant for Arlen is now directed toward you. That love is still delicate and pure—really akin to naive love—but if you continue this, the future of the TOG story will never happen. And that’s bad, okay?

Why is it bad? Let’s just say you climbed the tower with the agreement that you wouldn’t interfere or significantly influence things. So, accepting Zahard’s love would be a violation of that agreement. That love must either be redirected or terminated, and he must grow a new love specifically for Arlen.

You must take responsibility for your actions. So, you repeatedly erase Zahard’s memories and the memories of your friends who might share the same "seed." You do this often enough for Zahard himself to start feeling the strangeness of this "love" directed at Arlen.

It’s like trying to carry water in a bucket with a hole in it—except Zahard can’t describe where he went wrong, so he continues to cling to his feelings directed at Arlen and calls them his form of love. Yet, it’s all just an act to preserve the existence of that love, and so many of his impulses are misdirected toward Arlen.

--

Now let's lean towards canon knowledge, we can compared to that, Zahard was still said to love Arlen more than anything. I have another perspective. Now the question is why does Zahard express his love like that? Why does he need to go to such lengths for Arlen's affection which is obviously impossible to get with those maniacal things? As per usual we can only speculate.

We could say that it was a snowball effect from the tower climb. Remember, when all the warriors except V, started turning to things that made them get strayed far from humanity as they climbed higher in the tower, I guess that's an acceptable reason considering there's still a lot we don't know about Zahard. But is there a probability that the 12 head families and Zahard didn't take that path on their journey? Can they maintain their power without destroying their empathy?

In one of the flashbacks in Gustang and Traumerei's past arc where Traumerei kills for the first time, I think it's impossible to avoid the degeneration of their compassion for those outside their own main circle or friends. It's like they were forced and the trials and tribulations, the life-threatening tests changed their perception of things.

If we harmonize these reasons, can we consider it plausible that the way Zahard treats his incomparable love is in such an antagonistic way? I mean, dude, come on. You can choose not to move on, keep her name in your soul or whatever, but it's already wrong when you reject her choice to love someone other than yourself.

Like where have you been? You busy trying to be king? Locking up the tower floor? Making complicated deals with administrators? Becoming more powerful? You tried to pursue her and you were too late, she was already engaged to someone. Someone who was also once your comrade-in-arms, which means you had plenty of time to pursue Arlen properly, but why are you like this now. Geez, Zahard is really pathetic.

Of course Zahard still has a hard time accepting this rejection and is single until now, the only thing wrong is how he responds to her rejection. I still don't condone what he did regardless if it's just the way the world works, an unavoidable fate, forced with no way out, absolute law make him twisted, something like that. In terms of concept and character design, I love it, so yeah, it's tough man.

The conclusion this time was that Zahard had been molded in such a way that his love was bent and that caused all sorts of chaos in the tower.

---

The second explanation is what everyone would have expected, it was practically teased to the other head of the family. And it does lean towards canon. But oh don't worry dear reader, even still, we can be delusional and think whatever we want about this guy. That's why the fandom exists after all.

And we all love this desperate golden head. So yeah, this is the end of my ramble, although I have a lot to say, but I need to sleep and hope I can actually get beyond the Prologue chapter.

I find it kind of funny that I write for various fandoms but never get past the Prologue chapter or chapter 1. So pray for me, so I can write more and pass my exam.

[winxbutbetterimo-ovo]

Stella long ver 1

(some stuff is from the fan wiki i just tweaked)

Name: Stella Elinor Lucero

Looks: Stella is a sun kissed THICCC queen. Amazing long type 2a blonde hair that stops below her waist and golden amber eyes. Wears prescription glasses, her fav is rose tinted ones (Girlypop aesthetic)

Relationships: Her favourite earth animal are rabbits, those are her mother's favourite animals too. she loves both her parents a lot. she LOVES Brandon, her soulmate. Her bestie is Bloom.

She shines in her normal, charmix, Enchantix and Cosmix forms the most.

Personality: Prideful, spoiled, obnoxious and self centred had an ed but she is healed so she swears to love herself more (sometimes that comes off as selfish or vain) really wants to be a good queen someday. She is very loyal to the people she loves and she is great at reading people, which is why she was immediately friendly with bloom the moment they met. Additionally, like the moon, she can be mysterious (even wise) at times, and her emotional state waxes and wanes like the moon, the person who experiences this the most is Brandon, and he learns how to come to peace with it.

She cares deeply about her friends and family, not just herself. She will stick to the people she loves and do anything to keep them safe. Stella has a cheerful and optimistic personality. Besides that, she is totally obsessed with fashion. She would rather flirt with Brandon than study. 

The most intuitive of all the members. However, she can still be rather oblivious at times. She uses her magic for everything, but she mostly wants to help her friends as she is generous and helpful. Although she might disagree with her friends, Stella is very supportive and protective and will not hesitate to help them. She learns to accept that love and friendship are far more important than royalty, fashion, and shopping.

History: Stella was born to King Radius and former Queen Luna. She has a typical royal childhood with a shit ton of expectations and materialistic presents. Her parents had a pretty ok relationship when she was a kid but everything went downhill when she was about 10, culminating in their divorce the year before the story starts (so basically her first year at alphea which is why she lashed out in her classes and was kicked out and had to be re-admitted with the rest of the girls) Her dad taught her that a good ruler presents a strong front to their people, which is why she is so cheery on the outside, From her mother she learned to be more in touch with her feelings so she doesnt bottle everything up inside and explode like her father does, so when she is alone (or with Bloom or Brandon) she allows herself to cry and feel. when she turned 15, her father passed down the ring/sceptre of Solaria to her, promising that it will always keep her safe. and explaining how important it is to the royal family of Solaria.

Powers: Stella, as the Fairy of the Shining Sun, Moon and Stars, she has Sun/Star-based and Moon-based powers. Stella can mainly control light and heat. She can throw blasts of light energy and can make balls of solar heat. She can concentrate her energy to make herself glow brightly in dark places along with producing an orbiting light sphere to illuminate dark areas or even producing "spotlights". she is also able to create explosions of sunlight that can leave the opponent temporarily blind. She can shape light into barriers and shields producing bright flashes when making contact with a physical force.

She gains her energy from the sun and is heavily weakened when in very dark places or underground. Her moon magic is shown in the form of magic mirror spells, conjuring crystal shards, and shifting the reflections of her own and others to make their appearance similar to others. Stella has the ultimate ability to manipulate solar or lunar light, and the power stars. Her element of light, specializes in sight and clarity, giving others the ability to see both the path and truth in front of them. Stella has also shown abilities of generating weather phenomena such as creating solar flares to melt ice and grow plants. She can also create stellar orbs

She also has the Ring of Solaria which allows for her focus on her energy allowing it to be used as a light source. Stella is capable of teleporting herself and others in a flash of light. She is also a very talented fashion designer as she is often seen conjuring various fabrics as well as complete outfits.

[likesaly]

!!24 25 14 12 5 7 For Sagara, Yukinaga, Sataka and uhhhhh Eruno

Sagara

5 - I've already said the My Melody Anime OP so I'll give a different song for her, bc I've been thinking abt Winx Club again recently probably just any of the transformation songs, Sagara would love them fr

7 - I love how everyone draws her as cringefail as possible, her silliness cannot be contained /pos

12 - Sagara has a local weird girl status but it's not in a derogatory way it's a positive way because she's a good worker at Little Berry. She throws freebie sweets in her customers' orders.

14 - Yume Kawaii!!

24 - Asriel from Undertale (like in a way before he died and stuff like in 201X way)

25 - I thought she was silly, she was one of my favorites upon first playing the game

Yukinaga

5 - E.T by Katy Perry!! 4 Obvious reasons

7 - I'd say the same thing as above for Sagara bc they're vv similar

12 - He probably has a space themed bed room and I want to think has a rocketship shaped bed

14 - Typical teen 80s boy fashion

24 - Adam from Roblox Flicker (okay hi to my flicker moots if you're reading this but Yeah I know the lore has been removed/isn't canon anymore but I mean this in a reverse way for Yukinaga bc if I remember correctly Adam was an alien that pretended to be human and such so like ygs see my vision??)

25 - I never had strong opinions abt him but I did (and still do) like him!

Sataka

5 - For a second one (bc I added going down from the last ask game) I'd say Be quiet and Drive (specifically the acoustic version) by Deftones, not sure why but I just think Sataka on that one

7 - N/A (sorry man the majority of the talk for 1beat is literally it's main cast you can't even rlly find content for anyone else /lh)

12 - Sataka definitely took a shower after going into the public footbath, I'm sorry I'm not letting him live that one down /lh

14 - Ouji or Military Boystyle(?)/Lolita (I'm not sure what the masc name for the second one is)

24 - N/A - I don't think see anyone from fandoms I'm into bc I thought Abt this for a good while now

25 - I didn't have any at first but at the end of first playing File 02, I was like this man really went "Fuck you I am drunk and dying, you will not get the satisfaction of my death looking like an accident and have me die in vain" /POS

Eruno

5 - I read this and my brain instantly went Alone by Marshmallow (I have not listened to this song since second or third grade in my gacha phase I don't know why I thought that but take it ig /lh)

7 - I like how she's always drawn w Potete and Aira like her relationship w them is so important,,

12 - Upon being body switched (the og dog potete), Izuchi gave her candy and Izuchi regrets that very much bc she probably got on a sugar rush reaking havoc /lh

14 - Boystyle I don't think I have to explain myself for this

24 - Cat the cat from HELLO, HELLO WOLRD! (They have the same energy, like Cat got into Kotobukis house just to get food and got chased out like Lowkey Eruno vibes)

25 - Love at first sight (/p), she's so important

[vortship]

���

I'll let you pick who gets to see it. 👁 @the-haunted-office

Send 🔮 and I will write a drabble of a memory that your muse gets to see into.

Hal wasn't exactly a dress-wearer.

Her academy uniform aside, being adorned in fabric of any kind of expense or fanciness had a certain novelty factor to it. If it's what the heist required, she supposed. In this case, top secret files on some new super-ship only governor Julip Litch was allowed to see. From his personal laptop.

Easy enough.

She was able to get herself on the guest list under an alias she realized now she didn't remember, standing at the gate with her hands jammed in the pockets of her dress; teal and cut just above the ankles with an embroidered circuit pattern cascading up from the bottom seam. It even came with custom arm décor, Vortian-style as ever.

Hoards of important looking Vortians gathered, a sea of expensive cyber-enhancements as far as the eye could see, typical of those higher class on her planet. They chatted about things she didn't understand or care about as she made her way in, a broad, sharp-toothed grin hitting her face as soon as she realized just how much free food she was in for.

"I can't recall us inviting such a mischievous creature."

From behind her, the voice of a young woman spoke, a short glimmering dress, horns adorned in gold cuffs. She folded her arms across her chest as she regarded Hal, who looked up at her, bewildered.

"Yeah? And I can't recall asking you for your-"

"Halinor Nima." she spoke her name like a swear, "Don't pretend like everyone doesn't know who you are, girl. Eni told me she saw you."

...stupid, idiot Eni. She would be here.

Time to recoup. And by that she meant flee from the slowly approaching guards who'd been observing the entire scene. She glanced around, prepared to dodge between them, to get out of there and return at a later time. Ugh, she knew she should have gone the sneakier route instead of trying to pass herself off as one of these snobby, low-tech, shoelaces.

"Miki, stop. I invited her."

From the corner of her eye, another figure approached, a girl she recognized. The pride of Region 9 Academy, dressed all in white and gold. She'd never spoken to her, or acknowledged her in any way at school. As far as Hal knew her only friend was that slippery Eni.

"You invited her?" the young woman, 'Miki' challenged, "And I'm guessing Dad knows this trouble-maker is here?"

"Not anymore than he knows how you're texting that low-tech Prux Bentley right in front of your fiance." the girl said flatly, blank expression turning to a glare.

"What!? You- how did you even-?" Miki protested in vain, then sighed, "Fine. Whatever. I don't know what your problem is, Niri, but if that... girl causes any trouble it's gonna be your head. Not mine."

Hal took the opportunity to stick her tongue out and blow a raspberry as the young woman stomped away, muttering to herself. She then turned back to her unlikely savior, the girl in white, Miss Perfect herself.

"Niri Litch." the girl introduced after a brief pause,

"Yeah. I know." Hal let out a bitter laugh, "Top of the class since like, primary. I just didn't know you were hardcore like that."

Niri responded to the teasing with just the slightest hint of a smile before shaking her gold-clad, horned, head.

"Well, we've never actually met so... I just figured..." she trailed off, suddenly seeming nervous, "That was my sister, Miki. She's got her socialite pants on today I guess."

"Ha! Socialite pants! That's funny." Hal offered her a much-too-hard pat on the back, resulting in an audible 'Oof' from her companion.

"I know what people say but... I always found you to be- interesting. You're funny sometimes in class, you say stuff I don't think most people have the courage to-"

"Welp! You know! I just say what comes to my-" Hal interrupted, before something seemed to catch her attention in the distance, "Oho! Guys with trays of stuff! Lets get some! Oh and thanks... probably should have said that before but-"

"Don't worry about it. Let's- do that."

[fanthropology]

I don’t want to call it to the attention of anyone who knows me, because I don’t want to deal with the attention, but this is definitely what’s happening to me.

And it’s extra bad because I’m supposed to be on a month long sabbatical after ten years of drowning at work and having the bare minimum of emotional energy for my family and friends and anyone I care about.

What the sabbatical has instead done, after I discovered that my lowest level of stress was actually extremely high stress, and what I thought was high stress was incapacitating stress….

Well, it looks like a midlife crisis? I’ve spent a lot of time asking myself if it’s a midlife crisis. I suspect the answer is yes, even though the cause to effect takes a long and winding road around my brain.

But it’s a weeeeird one. Let me walk you through it.

On the surface it looks pretty typical. I lost twenty pounds (leading up to the sabbatical), revamped my wardrobe, got a haircut, changed my jewelry tone from silver to gold, got lip blush, got a bunch of new anti-wrinkle skincare products (I’m not going to advertise for them on tumblr, no), and I’ve got an appointment to touchup my microblading from a couple years ago. I also did all the drs appointments/bloodwork I needed to, upped my daily exercise, and I have plans for an actual girls day with my best friend, in which we go to a spa without the kids for a day.

It looks from the outside that I’ve gotten weirdly vain, I think. My husband is politely saying nothing but I can tell he’s monitoring the situation in order to determine if he needs to step in.

But what I think might have actually happened is that, once the stress chemicals receded, my brain had a chance to look around and think “actually, I think lots of people dumber than you are working fewer hours for more money.”

Now I make good money. I’m our breadwinner and I’d put us in upper class. The lower end of it, but definitely out of the middle class. But the jobs I’d always aspired to - jobs I thought I couldn’t do because I’m on the spectrum and a lot of social stuff is taxing for me…. Without the crushing pace of work, it turns out I’ve actually put together enough mental rubrics that actually, I can do all of the social stuff - I just never had the capacity to do it before.

All the jobs where I’d really be able to innovate and shift my industry - actually doable. Not impossible. Not something I’m inexplicably not considerable for. Something I could be really great at.

Ok, so to walk back around to the thing I’m considering whether it’s a midlife crisis - sometimes it feels like maybe it isn’t one it just looks like one…. Anyways, my brain has looked around, and reached an assessment that most people in the world are stupid, people who are more attractive measurably do better, and the conclusion I’ve come to is that it would be incredibly childish to not, as I put it to a friend over coffee….

Visually optimize for capitalism.

If he wasn’t in such a nebulous mental place himself, he would have flagged that with concern, I think.

I’m trying not to judge myself. Ultimately, I think I’ll end up looking fairly normal for other people, but very very different for me. Probably something I should have considered doing slowly over time in my career.

It’s the mental swirl around it I know I’m eventually going to have to call my therapist over.

If you know anyone who seems really chill to the point of being virtually indestructible, like nothing could ever bother them in any way, could get hit by a train and just shake it off and be totally fine, laughing it off as soon as they've dusted themselves off and stopped bleeding, but who occasionally just randomly falls apart to complete fucking smithereens with seemingly no cause nor warning, only to get back up again a few minutes/hours/days later like "ok yeah I'm fine again that was weird lmao", and you've ever wondered what the fuck is up with that:

They are actually not ok and most likely are not ok at any point. The whole "hardiest person you know who just collapses randomly sometimes" thing isn't a deliberately constructed façade, as a matter of fact it might be something that they actually personally believe themselves to be. But in reality this is somebody who's either unintentionally learned or has been deliberately trained to hide negative emotions and mask symptoms at all costs, as the #1 priority that goes over any other survival needs.

So even though it may look like they go from 1 to 100 completely at random and unpredictably, and then swing right back again to being totally fine, you have no way of knowing how long they've been at 95% before the last line of defense broke down and the system collapsed. And once they flip back up, odds are that they just managed to scrape their shit back together again just enough to get their backup masking systems running. The "check engine" light never turned on because the wire was clipped years ago.

If this is you, this is your callout to seek some sort of help. I'm telling on everyone in this room including myself.

[worldsapartof]

Not up for making our paracosm/parame masterpost right now, but since Alagaesia is our current hyperfixation, we wanted to share some stuff about some of our presence there.

The first we became aware of was Kaethirin (also goes by Kaethiri). They are a half-elf born during the war against Galbatorix. Growing up, they showed an affinity for magic typically only seen that strong in Riders, and eventually agreed to go to Ellesmera to receive training. At 16, his tutors realized that while they could continue to teach more and more advanced concepts, at this point Kaethiri would benefit from learning control and management of her power from Eragon. They sent her to train with him, but along the way, she got separated from her traveling party and lost deep in the east, well beyond Eragon's stronghold.

There, she stumbled upon a wild dragon egg, which appeared to be abandoned in the middle of a plain so vast it seemed to encompass the whole world. After carefully magically checking it, they found it appeared to be a wild egg, and they took it with them to ensure its safety. To their surprise, it hatched a few days later. They were truly shocked and astonished, though, when shortly after hatching, it formed a rider bond with them despite not seeming to have had the spell done to make it able to make the bond.

She named the iridescent purple-blue dragon Kavrinder, with hir help picking it out. The two of them were eventually able to escape the seeming invisible labyrinth of the vast plains and make their way towards Eragon's stronghold. They were first encountered by a very worried and somewhat crabby Saphira, who carried them the rest of the way to the stronghold.

At the stronghold there are already a few dozen riders and dragons, as well as a very few young wild dragons.

Some notable figures/names:

Azure, a dragon as blue as the sky, and his elven rider Evarína (meaning Star in the ancient language), a strange-looking elf with blue-black skin patterned with constellations that softly glow in dark spaces and eyes that are like lapis lazuli across both pupil and iris.

The urgal warrior ____ and her nearly-black-indigo dragon Ithrö, which in urgal means rebel. Her horns are as large as anyone's. She held a position of respect in her old village being what in human terms we would consider a trans woman (Urgals have their own terminology for and system of gender, to be explained later).

The deep pine-green dragon Hemlock and her rider, the dwarf Kefk. Kefk is a rather closed off, secretive individual, and Hemlock is very vain. Their bond, however, is among the strongest of anyone there.

The young human girl Ella, who mostly doesn't speak to the bonded dragons and riders, but cares for the wild dragons and is close with many of them in a way rarely seen with wild dragons.

Worth noting, most of them are queer in some way or another - there are very few characters that are allo, cis, and het, and it's not common to even be most of those. This just seems to happen with our multiversal selves and parames alike, as a pluralqueer system. Not all will immediately be revealed as such, however. Some may themselves be plural outside of potentially becoming part of our system and the inherent plural-adjacency of riderhood.

Yes, some of them are somewhat "indulgent" or may in some ways come off like Mary Sues. This is partly because we are exceptional in some ways ourselves, but also if you don't like it, just go away instead of making it our problem, thanks.

Feel free to ask questions about them.

[seraphtrevs]

I think the one of the reasons BCS appeals so much to women and queer people is that it isn't binary about gender roles and masculinity/femininity the way most media is.

Like, a bad approach to making a Stong Female Character is to give her stereotypical masculine traits - she burps and scratches her butt; she hates dresses and the color pink; she talks a lot about how her dad and older brothers taught her how to be tough. Which - fine, but that's still a very binary approach to gender - it's obviously giving Boy traits to a girl, and that it's supposed to be weird and cool that she's acting Like a Boy.

On the other end of the spectrum, making a male character vain and catty is supposed to be hilarious because he's acting Like a Girl, and it's something done on purpose to be funny because everyone knows that girls are the vain and catty ones, not boys.

Kim is very much a female character, but she's also reserved rather than emotional, ambitious in a working-hard way not a clawing-her-way-to-the-top way, and protective in a way that isn't at all maternal. These are all traits usually given to male characters, but the idea that these are male-only traits is very binary. They are traits people of all genders can have. But it throws people, because boys are supposed to be logical and girls are supposed to be emotional, which is so baked in to many straight people's ideas of gender that it doesn't even occur to them that it's a gendered way to think of characters. I'm sure the writers didn't sit around and think, "hmm how can we make Kim more masculine and therefore a Strong Female Character?" They just wrote her like...a person.

And I don't think Jimmy is an especially effeminate character, but he's overly emotional, obsessed with clothes/appearance, and is very social and good at reading people - again, traits that are more often given to female characters, but plenty of men in real life have these traits and it doesn't mean they aren't men.

Nacho is also interesting in a more subtle way because the writers give him a lot of stuff that's more typically given to female characters - poisoning is historically seen as a female crime, and his particular brand of treachery is also more traditionally feminine - using stealth and deceit instead of confrontation and aggression, being more reactive than proactive, etc. But again, he's just a person with traits that people have! I don't think it's a deliberate subversion, just a reflection that most people have a blend of "masculine" and "feminine" traits.

[fabraies-archive]

good, bad, ugly

original ask: hii! 💒 anon here <3 can u do kazuha x flreader? :3 college au, reader is his roommate hehe, kazuha x fem!reader, fluff, angst repost from @ningningification

“What !?”

“We’re very sorry. If it makes you feel better, he’s a very quiet person, and knows how to cook. We don’t typically allow mixed gender dorms but we don’t have any other left.” The assistant at the desk desperately tries to calm you down. Her attempts are only in vain however, as you continue to rant about this whole situation.

“I applied for a room for myself 3 months in advance, as soon as I got my acceptance letter! I can even show you the confirmation e-mail I got! This has to be some sort of mistake, I—“ your cheeks feel hot and you feel like crying from all the frustration. You did not spend months on constant lookout for an available solo room just for it to snooped from under your nose the moment you were about to move in.

The poor assistant repeats what she’s been repeating for the past 10 minutes, that the boy you’re supposed to room with isn’t all that bad, and is actually a very smart and educated student, with whom she is sure you will be “excellent friends” with.

Yeah, right. As if. Except you don’t care if he’s nice and well-behaved, you just want a room for yourself. Specifically the one you have booked. You’ve tried asking her a million times why on earth the room you’ve been assigned to wasn’t available anymore, but her only answers seem to be that “all the rooms are full until the following year”. Realising that telling her this just isn’t possible won’t solve anything,

“I’ll call my father real quick, I need to sort some things out” you inform the woman at the desk and step away. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice that she seems rather happy to finally catch a break from this whole ordeal. As mad as you are, you can’t blame her. Your phone rings, and you can hear your dad picking up. “Oh, hey y/n. Already moved everything in?”

“No. Actually, I didn’t even move anything at all since you left. I have a huge problem. I’m not kidding. I feel like suing the school. I wholeheartedly cannot believe how a school with this kind of reputation could ever fuck up this—“

“Woah, woah. Rewind. First of all, we’re not suing anybody. Your tuition is already costing me and your mother enough. Second of all, not moved anything? Huge problem? Just go through everything calmly before going on a rampage honey.”

You take a deep breath, and start again.

“The lady at the desk told me there was some problem and my room isn’t available anymore. The only dorm left is one for two people; which, no, I wouldn’t mind, but they want me to room with a boy, dad! Please just, help me out!”

On the other end, you can hear your father sigh, “Look, if it’s not there anymore, there’s not much we can do. I understand this looks sketchy sweetheart but, tell you what, you suck it up for one semester and we’ll try to do something about it for the second. How’s that sound?”

You huff. It’s better than nothing, but a whole semester? This roommate of yours better be just as quiet as the lady promised you. “Ugh. ‘S not the best but.. I guess that’ll do. But promise me you’ll do your best for second semester. Please.”

“C’mon [y/n]! Of course we will! Just put on your big girl pants for now and this’ll be over before you can even say ‘roommate’. Okay?”

You thank him, and hang up. As you walk back to the front desk, the lady looks up at you in slight fear of another soap-opera-worthy scene. Luckily for her, you’ve had just about enough this afternoon, and you just want to move in your damned stuff.

“I’ll take it. The room, I mean.” The lady, whose name tag reads ‘Ningguang’ lets out a sigh of relief and beams at your simultaneously as she leaves to go get your key. She hands it to you all the while giving out instructions and what to expect during your on campus experience. Once she’s done, you apologise for the mess and thank her.

Well, I’m alone now. Ningguang left for a coffee a few moments earlier and you’ve been trying to find the most efficient way to move your belongings up to your dorm for the past 10 minutes. Not that anything had come to you during this time.

“I’m sorry, but uh.. You’ve been standing here for a very long time and I was just wondering if perhaps you.. might need any help? It’s just, you’ve kind of been staring off into space and there’s a lot of stuff around you -which I’m assuming is yours- so I couldn’t help but wonder if you’re moving into the dorms as well, so I thought that you might want a few helping hands to get all that up and also because first years gotta stick together, right?”

The girl in question is quite an eyesore. She’s got two spikey pigtails at the side of her head with random streaks of color, and her clothes suggest that she’s heading out to a metal festival. She’s looking up at you, awaiting your answer.

“Uh.. yeah, sure. I guess some help would be nice.” You let out and awkward laugh, uncharacteristically so. You’ve never had a hard time making friends, but for some reason, you’ve struggled a lot over the course of the last few days.

“Awesome! I’m Xinyan by the way. With an x. Room 416. You?”

“[y/n]. I’m uh..” you fumble your bag, get a hold of your keys and squint your eyes “uh.. right next to you I think. 415.”

“Really? That’s great! That means we can use the shortcut!”

“Shortcut?”

“Yeah, follow me, it’s a game-changer. Will get all your things up in 20 minutes, tops. Also, we can get to meet your roommate together!”

“How did you know I had a roommate?” You quirk an eyebrow.

“Got a sneak peak of your room while I was walking past. I saw two beds, so I figured it out.”

—

A few minutes later, you could confirm that the mysterious shortcut most definitely was a game-changer. Xinyan had left some time ago, something about books, and you were left to wonder alone on your dorms inviting flooring. You look over to the other bed and think, this’ll all be over in one semester. In just 15 weeks’ time, you’ll be out and ready to move in into your new dorm, alone. Sure, Xinyan won't be your neighbour anymore, but it's not like you know for sure you two'll grow close. For now, as bitchy as it might sound, she's just a distraction fr the fact that your new roommate is a man.

Just as you were getting done with your inner monologue, the door creaks open, and the first thing you see is blonde hair, and a fair-skinned hand moving the handle. His head finally peaks through the crack of the door and begins speaking.

"You're the roommate I presume? The front desk lady told me there were some changes and my roommate would end up being a girl.."

He doesn't sound very thrilled at the idea of rooming with a girl. Good! At least we're on the same page, because i don't wanna room with the opposite gender either, you internally huff.

"Good afternoon to you, too. And yes, I am your roommate."

"Sorry. Good afternoon to you, too. I'm Kazuha Kaedera. It's nice to meet you. I'm sure rooming with a boy must be a let down for your first year, so I'll try to make myself as discreet as possible."

His way of speaking is.. strange. He’s either rich, or incredibly stuck up.

"Jeez, relax, you can talk like a normal person. Also, do what you want as long as it doesn't involve me or my side of the room."

You feel sorry for him, really, you do. After all, being the recipient of somebody’s anger and frustration must suck. But you’re bitchy in general, and even worse now. If you have to put up with a male roommate, he has to put up with your attitude.

"Noted." He nods, and quietly leaves the room. Nothing more, nothing less. At this point, you think that he might be less of a bother than you initially thought.

--

"So, how did your first days go ?"

After moving into the dorms, Xinyan had dragged you out to meet the people she had conversed with in the mere 15 minutes you had spent talking to one person. This had gone more or less well, and you now already had a group of people you could in some way call your friend group, for which you had Xinyan and her incredible socializing skills to thank. The 5 of you had sat down in the dining hall at a long rectangle table on the far-right corner, rearranging the seats to take up the entire space and deter unwanted to sit at your table.

"Good" You say while munching on your dry sandwich

"Went awesome. Bunch of hot guys in this college, it's crazy." Lisa answers.

The rest unanimously agrees, while Hu Tao speaks up.

"Talking about guys, did you guys hear about this one girl that got to room with a guy? They don't usually allow it, but from what I heard, the guy's super cute, so kudos to the girl, she totally hit the jackpot."

"Yeah! I heard about it in my Communications class. Isn't his name something like.. Ka.. Ke... Ugh, I don't know. Something that starts with K, for sure." Yanfei adds.

"Kazuha ?"

Suddenly, all eyes are on you, and Yanfei snaps her fingers in recognition.

"Kazuha! Yeah, that was it! How'd you guess? You know him, [y/n]?"

"Not personally or anything, no! It's just.. uhh..." You suppose there's no point in hiding it anymore. They’re the people you’ll be stuck with the entire year, so it’s not like they won’t find out soon enough anyways, "We're roommates. I'm the girl that had to room with him, so.."

"Are you kidding? What is it like? What's he like?" Hu Tao, asks, her eyes as wide as saucers.

Suddenly, she bombards you with questions about him. Why was she so interested in Kazuha? Was he famous or something? The year had barely started, there was no way he'd already achieved such a reputation already.

"W-- I'm not sure, we haven't even had a proper conversation yet. Why are so invested anyways ?" You ask her. It's not like you're jealous or anything, but this girl is seriously getting on your nerves.

"No reason. It's just, the sooner i get cuffed, the better. I haven't been in a single relationship since my day of birth, and I cannot let this go on any longer. This year is totally gonna be my year!" She punches the air while standing up, and the rest of you can't help but feel the second hand embarrassment as the rest of the hall looks over at the five of you.

Her year, huh? Too bad for her, it just so seemed she'd have some competition, because you weren't about to let some mishap get into the way of making this your year, as well.

--

"Hey! I told you this like, a million times, either you put your laundry in your laundry basket, or you leave them on your side of the room! God, you are so annoying!"

For the past few months, things have actually been okay. Well, actually more okay than you let on, because you even refused to change dorms when the end of the first semester arrived. You didn't have anybody you knew in any of your classes, with only Kazuha being in two of them. In desperate need of a seatmate, you reluctantly sat next to him. He didn't seem phased by your attitude though, as he ended up asking you if you wanted to go home with him, considering you lived together. After that, you ended up easing up a little around him so Kazuha and you ended up becoming really good friends. There were some side effects to this friendship, however. His organisation skills, which had seriously affected your dorm life, and even worse, his popularity among girls.

Despite your attitude at the beginning of the year, your initial friendgroup had taught you to let loose a little, and

"I'll pick it up later, hold on."

You let out a groan. How could he possibly be the same person as the one you had met at the beginning of the year? Where'd all the politeness go? Sure, it looked like a little stuck up, but it he was somewhat sweet, in his own way. Well, maybe you could assume it's sort of a good thing, because if he's gotten so comfortable, it can only mean he's warmed up to you, right?

"Just make sure I don't see any of this by the time I come back in here." You huff, while gathering your tiny backpack.

You had made plans with Hu Tao, Lisa and Yanfei to go to the gym on campus. Xinyan had excused herself, saying she had a bunch of readings to do, and wasn't available to go this time. You weren't so keen to go at first either, considering the snowstorm, as you were in the middle of January, and the walk you had to endure from your dorm to the gym.

However, you decided last minute that after spending so luch time hunched over your desk, a little gym session didn't sound too bad.

You closed the door on your way out, ready to face the insane amount of snow that was awaiting you outside. With a little huff, you push another door open, and start walking, a tight grip on your coat.

You soon enter the place, and realise the amount of people. Now you understand why your friends insisted on going despite such a weather.

"[y/n]! You made it!" Hu Tao calls out first. The rest waves, with smiles adorning their faces.

After all the hello's and how are you's are exchanged, you all leave to your own prefered machines. You weren't looking forward to going on the treadmill alone, but luckily for you, Yanfei ended up keeping you company by stepping on the other machine on your left. Unlike other people, you liked making conversation while going to the gym.

"So," Your pink haired friend clears her throat, "Any progress with Kazuha ?"

"No, and I don't plan on making any. We're just friends, and that's all there is to it." You deny through and through, just like you have been for the past 4 months.

Ever since you'd announced to your friends that you were rooming with Kazuha, they had instantly started to try and convince you that you were both meant to be. Ironically, Hu Tao was the first one to jump to this absurd conclusion, as she was one of the first students to start fawning over him.

Yanfei only sighs at your stubborness, and continues, "I've seen the way you look at him. I've seen the way he looks at you. It's been 4 months. You're not even concious of it, but you talk about him all the time. Even Hu Tao's complained, so that's saying something. Either way, I'm not going to push you to do something you don't want to, but, I just want you to at least realize that there is something going on, and he does make you feel things. We don't just think you'd be a nice couple just because the whole roommates thing sounds like a fanfiction trope, but because we genuinely think there is something going on. Just consider it, at least."

You outwardly groan, but what she says makes you think. A lot. You run on the treadmill, but your mind isn't really all into it. You keep replaying what Yanfei said in your head over and over again, and you can't seem to be able to get rid of it. She's right. You know she is. but it's just so.. embarrassing. His looks alone granted him an instant reputation at the start of the year, and he got all the girls on his knees in a measly week. There was no way in hell you'd ever be one of those girls.. right?

"Whatever. He sucks. His politeness act literally lasted a grand total of 2 seconds, he's a two faced jerk! And he leaves all his stuff on my floor. Also, his notes are super messy. How does he even manage to re-read all of them ?"

"[y/n]... You know what I think. Go get him before some other chick gets to him. You out of all people should know that"

"What are insinuating ?" You narrow your eyes at her

"I'm insinuating that I've seen Kazuha hanging out with some girl from my Law 101 class. A lot. And I'm insinuating that the exact reaction you're having right now is due to the fact that you have feelings you just won't own up to! God, just do something about it!"

You need to think.

--

“I’m back home.”

You close the door rather harshly and sigh, sitting down on your bed. You’re thinking of watching a move tonight, so you grab your laptop, and begin browsing Netflix for some good comedy show that could cheer you up.

“You don’t sound very happy.” Kazuha notes, sitting in front of his desk, highlighting sentences in his textbook.

“I’ve spent almost the entire day at the gym. I’m exhausted.” You huff.

“Whatever you say.”

“Huh ?” Your head snaps towards him.

“I said ‘whatever you say’. Is that problem ?”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. You’re ready to collapse on the bed, pull a Snow White and sleep forever. You don’t have time for his stupid games.

“Stop acting dumb. There’s obviously a double meaning here. So what is it?”

“There’s obviously more to it than just exhaustion. I want to know what’s going on inside your head, is all.”

You feel like you’re fuming.

“What is it with all of you playing the therapists !? There is nothing wrong with me. I don’t need to talk to anybody. All I need is for you all to leave me alone!”

You make your way to the communal bathrooms, hoping to freshen yourself up, and get some time to yourself. You gather your stuff, and make sure to slam the door on your way out to signal your anger.

You're relieved to find an empty bathroom. The last thing you need is another person asking you if you're doing okay. The truth is, you're not. Of course you aren't, how could you? You were awfully aware of your personality problems, and your feelings for Kazuha simultaneously. Yanfei informing you he might have been seeing someone just made you feel even worse. You were just getting to a stable point in your life. Knowing Kazuha had found someone made you feel like you were falling. Falling into a big black hole, engulfing you, where you had no choice but go back to your old, insecure, angry self. Of course you knew of the possiblities that Kazuha might even not be seeing someone, and that it was simply a friend. But you felt so scared and alone, you couldn't help but see the worst in things.

You feel so stupid. You've never told him anything regarding your feelings ever, so how would you know if he likes you back or not? Unfortunately, there's only one way to find out.

You hide your face in your hands and slide down the wall next to the entrance.

--

When you wake up, you're stunned to find yourself back in your bed, under your covers. As far as you remember, you were back in the bathrooms, on the floor. Did I go back and just not remember? What if-

"You're up already?" Kazuha enters your field of view.

"I woke up just a minute ago. Do you happen to know how I got back here ?"

"Oh, that. You took your bathroom stuff with you when you stormed out, so I figured you went to the girls' bathroom. When you didn't come back, I got worried so I went there just to check. Sure enough, you were asleep on the floor. You're a heavy sleeper, you know that ? I carried you all the way over here, and you didn't budge." He finishes his story with a chuckle, and continues. "Seriously though. You scared me. I care about you, a lot. I kind of always think about you, so.. This wasn't the way I wanted it to go down but-"

Your brain can't seem to process all the information at once, and all you can do is deny. Everything is going too fast. Your brain repeats it like a mantra. You don't deserve him, you don't deserve him, you don't deserve him. Just yesterday you were starting to realize your faults. You had to fix yourself before he could have a chance to take a look at your ugly side.

But suddenly, you feel like you're gasping for air, and you let everything loose. You can't let this go on any longer. Your facade is breaking and there's nothing you cand do about it. "No. No you don't. You can't. You're seeing that, other girl. Besides, I don't deserve you. I was awful to you. I was awful to practiaclly everyone on campus. I'd ruin your repuation. I'm constantly upset about something- anything. We're like polar opposites, and any other girl would be better for you. I don't want to drag you down, and I just want you to stop giving me hope, so I can move on and you can just-"

Without any time to finish your rant, he kisses you. It’s not a simple liplock, or a peck. It’s a real kiss, with all the emotions and and the butterflies that come with it. It made your head spin, and you feel the sensations surging through your entire body. You don’t find it in yourself to pull away. Instead you pull him closer.

After a few seconds, Kazuha pulls away, and holds your chin to get you to look up at him, and opens his mouth.

“For the record, you can be pretty awful. But if anyone saw you the way I do, they’d be a fool to not love you.”

Your eyes crinkle as you smile, and you feel like crying. You've never felt this before, and suddenly you understand why some people are so crazy about love. You have to feel it to understand it.

Kazuha loves you. All of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly you.

an: another repost because I got so lazy I couldn’t get myself to post everything at once. 💒 anon I miss you I hope you find your way back to me😭😭 + if you see this I did see the tutor cyno ask I will get to it even if it’s not on the old blog I PROMISE. the “original —“ thing is just here to help me cope with the fact that I lost everything from my last blog so don’t mind LOL

0234423zip ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Don't copy, modify or translate my work/theme

originally posted on: 11/09/2022

original number of notes: 176

[c3llybaby]

𝐯𝐢𝐢. ✭ 𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑

JUNE, 1979; CHANCE

(Excerpt)

"So you used him? For money?" Wracking my brain, I tried to think of reasons why Grandma wouldn't do such a thing. I tried in vain to prove to myself how good she was. She wouldn't. She couldn't. She did.

"Hell yeah, I did, and do you know why?"

"Why?"

"He used me just as much as I used him. That's a relationship, Chancie. Even the ones that are about love and fairytales and glitter. All that shit is just a cover-up for the truth." Her cigarette had found its end. Grandma flicked it out of her mouth and extinguished it against Ben's bedside table. "It's all a game. A give and take kind of thing, Kid. Men, like this shitbird right here, see ladies as trophies and shiny toys. They show us off to their friends and then put us back on the shelf to hide away. I use that to my advantage and I trick 'em. I use the system to get what I want."

"But what about love?" I wondered out loud, combing through the countless passionate love stories Grandma and I had seen on the television screen.

"What about it?"

"Well doesn't it matter?"

"Baby, that stuffs like fantasy. It's fiction. It's all made up. Real love is family love." Grandma's face softened—it rarely did—and she stroked the side of my hair. "They're the only people who are ever gonna have your back when shit goes down. Don't ever fall in love, Chancie. It's like a train waiting to wreck. Make the boy fall in love with you and you got all the power. So even if you're hurtling towards chaos you'll be rich while doing it."

"What if the boy's poor like how I was?" I hadn't always lived in a house. Before Grandma's, I was living in the trailer park with dad. What if someone had chosen not to love me when I was poor?

"Then you'll be hurtling toward chaos and you'll be broke." Grandma held my chin up, flicking her gaze across my face. "You're a pretty girl, Chancie. Go for the guy who's got security then you can split and take half. Then you can buy yourself a nice island." She ruffled the top of my hair before taking my hand to lead me out of the room. "Come on, Honey, let's go tell the nurse that Benny's kicked the bucket."

"Okay, Grandma."

SEPTEMBER, 1985; CHANCE

(Excerpt)

"That- That isn't the point." He stammered, struggling to force out a string of comprehensible sentences. The boy with eyes the color of buttered chocolate seemed to be speaking faster than he could think. "The point is that your face."

"What about my face?" I asked, humored by the blushing boy. We had stopped walking, now directly looking into each other's eyes.

"I- Ohhh, I like it." Nash licked his lips, swallowing his shameless awkwardness. "I like it a lot." Dropping my gaze further, I noticed his white hight-top converse fidgeting around to expend his nervousness. "And you were really great back there."

"Really great?"

"Spectacular." Cracking his voice made a grin split across my face. Who was this boy? This geeky boy who dressed in a light yellow button up and slacks? "And I'd like to get to know you and I think that we should go out."

"That all?" I pondered, shifting my backpack around on my shoulders. He nodded, fiddling with the end of his shirt. "Alright, then. See you later, Nash." With my goodbye, I turned away from him to walk down the hall of the empty school and out the main entrance.

Ever since the audition he had been persuing me, asking me out habitually at least three times a day. Each time he did I would tell him that I didn't have the time to go out and that I thought boys were a waste of time. He would then follow my statement with his own argument that I would typically walk away from.

This time though, the day after the napkin holder fiasco, when he sidled up beside me to walk me to class, and asked me that magic question. I said yes.

Background Music ————————————— -Gold Digger by Kanye West, Jamie Foxx- ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

"Sure."

"Okay, I knew you were gonna say no but lemme tell you why- Wait. Did you just say-?"

"Sure." Repeating my answer, I added. "I'll go out with you if you pay me."

"What? Pay you?" His face scrunched up and Nash cocked his head to understand me. "Pay you like..."

"You'll need to pay me fifty dollars to go on a date with me, Nash. That's about the same amount I'd make at Queenie's off of tips and I can't afford to skip a shift." I stopped to press my back against a locker, continuing on. "And you'll have to come up with the date idea and you'll need to pay my way for it and you'll have to pick me up at seven and have me home by nine-thirty and you'll need to meet my daddy on the day you take me out."

"Done." Nash said without a hint of hesitation. He pulled out his wallet at that very moment and counted out fifty dollars before placing the money in my hand. His face had an erratic sparky glow to it, beaming at me. "I'll see you Friday then?"

"It's a date,"  I replied, the weight of green in my hand releasing great big weights off of my shoulders. Holy shit, it was working. Fifty entire dollars had been given to me just for the price of having a date with him. I felt as if I had struck gold. Pure fucking gold.

BOYISH//EDDIEMUNSONXOC FANFICTION

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄 ᴏꜰ ᴇʟ ᴘᴀꜱᴏ, ᴛᴇxᴀꜱ ɪꜱ ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴡᴋɪɴꜱ, ɪɴᴅɪᴀɴᴀ. ɪᴛ'ꜱ ʙᴇᴇɴ ꜱᴇᴠᴇɴ ʏᴇᴀʀꜱ ʙᴜᴛ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ꜰɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʜᴇʀ ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴ. ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴀ ꜱᴇɴɪᴏʀ ɪɴ ʜɪɢʜꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴏɴᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ ᴛʜᴇɴ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ꜰɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴏʟʟʏᴡᴏᴏᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴜʀꜱᴜᴇ ʜᴇʀ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴅᴏᴍ. ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴏɴᴇ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍ. ᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴍᴜɴꜱᴏɴ.

𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍 ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ ꜱᴛᴀʀɢʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴋɪᴅꜱ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ʙʟᴇᴅ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄʀɪᴇᴅ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ. ꜱᴏ ᴡʜʏ ɪꜱ ɪᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ꜱᴛᴀʀɢʀᴏᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇʟʏ ꜰᴏʀɢᴏᴛ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴇᴅᴅɪᴇ. ɴᴏᴛ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ꜱʜᴇ ꜰɪɴᴅꜱ ᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴇ'ꜱ ʜᴇʀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʜᴏᴏᴅ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ꜱʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴇᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ʟᴇꜱꜱ, ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴜᴅᴀᴄɪᴛʏ ᴛᴏ ᴀᴄᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴇꜱɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴇxɪꜱᴛ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ʙɪᴛᴄʜ.

Go to my Wattpad to find the full story! : C3llybaby

The work is the same title of this post, I'm mainly using Tumblr to post short excerpts from each chapter in order to advertise!

★☆ ────── 𝕭𝖔𝖞𝖎𝖘𝖍 ────── 𝐛𝐲 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞

❝ 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭, ❞

❝ 𝘚𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 ❞

── 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐢𝐬𝐡 • 𝐣𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭

｡･ﾟﾟ･　TROPES　･ﾟﾟ･｡

◦ Childhood friends to strangers ◦ Strangers to enemies ◦ Enemies to friends ◦ Friends to lovers ◦ Love triangle ◦ Lust for fame ◦ Parental Issues ◦ Freak + Freak

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒ TRIGGER WARNING Contains themes of... ┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚ ◦ Blood ◦ Gore ◦ Fear ◦ Swearing ◦ Death ◦ Mention of suicide ◦ Drugs ◦ Rare use of gay slurs

*＊✿❀ DO NOT READ IF ❀✿＊*

You're xenophobic, racist, colorist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic. Kindly, suck my dick.

ﾟ+*:;;:*　SOCIALS　*:;;:*+ﾟ ◦ TikTok: C3llybaby.wp ◦ Snapchat: Celestethat1kid ◦ Spotify: Notsoquirkykid

Wattpad: C3llybaby

╔═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗ AUTHOR'S NOTE! ╚═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝

• Hello, my name is Celeste and I'm so happy that you chose to click on my book! I hope you'll enjoy what you read and know that I love interacting with my readers, whether by DM's, Posting on my message board, or sending me art/edits of my stories. I love each and every one of you dearly. Happy reading, Love!

Yours truly, Celeste

• Disclaimer: I'm aware that in canon Eddie was held back a couple years and he's a super senior. However I changed it so that he was never held back and that he is a seventeen year old teenage boy.

★☆

MY BOUNDARIES (AKA THE SIN LIST) - Please do not advertise your Eddie Munson fan fiction. Someone did this in like the first chapter and said something like "If anyone gets bored this is my Eddie fanfic...blah blah blah" and it really rubbbed me the wrong way. Other characters are completely fine! -Please do not use slurs if you are not from the group that the slur has been used against -Please do not comment that my characters are cringy/embarrassing. This has been happening in the first chapters of BOYISH because Chance is not nice to Eddie when they first meet. It's an enemies-to-lovers story, Babe, what did you expect? Saying that my characters are cringy/ embarrassing makes me feel like you are saying that my writing is cringy/embarrassing. If you have a thought or problem with how I write, please by all means channel it into constructive criticism. I put a lot of time and effort into this story and I do not want to be made to feel bad about it.