#types of stents

[platinumforheart]

The following article aims to discuss the newest developments in heart stent technologies, understand the types of stents, and explain why they might be considered the best option for heart patients. 

[healthstack]

This guide provides clear guidelines as to how one can avoid developing these blockages and therefore maintain good circulation of blood in the heart.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

A disgustingly economic discussion that is far more clear about the realities of covid than what our governments are telling us

“There is a huge delusion at the moment that COVID is over and when we talk about it, we say ‘when the pandemic happened’ but actually it is still happening,” he said. “So, insurance companies need to be very conscious of that and to be thinking ahead. Swiss Re has a powerful role across the market to make sure that this is being thought about. “In our view, there are a range of scenarios, but most of them anticipate a return to normality in five to 10 years, depending on your level of optimism. And we think that because of the other more fundamental movements happening around cancer, lifestyle risk and eventually Alzheimer's, to name the three biggest ones, that mortality improvements will also return over the longer term.”

By Mia Wallace

“COVID-19 is far from over.”

A recent Swiss Re report suggested potential excess mortality in the general population of up to 3% in the US and 2.5% in the UK by 2033 in a pessimistic scenario, highlighting the lingering impact of COVID-19 – both as a direct cause of death and as a contributor to cardiovascular mortality.

Discussing the report with Re-Insurance Business, Paul Murray (pictured), CEO of L&H Reinsurance at Swiss Re, outlined some of the key ageing and mortality trends shaping the life and health reinsurance market today. “Of course, we saw excess mortality when we were locked down and experiencing the pandemic but now we’ve returned to normal life, we think it’s over and it’s not. People are still getting ill with the COVID infection and they’re still dying.”

The debate for the market now is how long that trend is likely to continue, and whether its impact will fade over time – with Swiss Re’s recent report offering multiple scenarios into the reinsurance giant’s viewpoint on that question. Top of mind is understanding the key factors driving future mortality trends and changing life expectancy statistics – and how these influencing factors may change going forward.

What are the top trends driving future mortality trends? Pinpointing some of the key considerations driving future mortality trends, Murray underscored the need to look at historical data. “The headline for me is always that there has been a phenomenal period of mortality improvements, of life expectancy extending. This is probably one of the biggest social transformations that the human race has been through.

“One of the main drivers of that has been cardiovascular improvements. Smoking cessation helped a lot towards that in the 20th century and is continuing now as well. There’s also new technology that enables low-intervention cardiovascular surgery, like stents. We’ve shifted from a lot of surgery having to be open-heart and high-risk in an operating theatre to in-and-out in a day with injected stents. It has been completely transformational.”

Where do medical advances go next? The ”plumbing” of the human body and the way it’s protected and healed by modern medicine has been largely optimised, he said, but now some of the benefits of that is starting to level off. Looking to the future, he sees that there is still the potential for some further improvements as a factor driving increased life expectancy, particularly amid improving access to information and education about healthy living choices – and improving intervention techniques.

“When we look forward, I anticipate the area where we have the best chance of improvements is on the cancer side,” he said. “Comparatively to cardiovascular risk, improvements to cancer treatments have been relatively low in the past. Of course, it’s very complex as 'cancer' is a bucket term which combines 200-plus types, but we are seeing some very promising technologies emerging here that will help address that.

“Take mRNA vaccines, for instance, which are not new but became very prominent in the pandemic, specifically as it helped us develop vaccines very quickly. mRNA capabilities, combined with immunotherapy, are currently in trials, and showing very significant improvements in outcomes for cancer patients in specific causes. And we've only really started scratching the surface of that. Looking 10-to-30 years out, which is the duration we have to think about as life insurers, we think that’s a prominent contributor to future improvement.”

Alzheimer's is another pressing area for consideration, he said, as, with people generally living longer, this is becoming a much more significant risk. Due to a myriad of reasons, more people than ever are living with Alzheimer’s today and society is being increasingly challenged to deal with it and to support those living with the disease. “Again, improvements in dealing with Alzheimer's historically have not been that great, and I think this is one area where there's the potential for a meaningful breakthrough, and we're starting to see some signs of that in scientific research.”

Understanding the impact of lifestyle factors on future mortality trends An interesting element shaping discourse in the life and health reinsurance market is the question of the impact of lifestyle factors on future mortality trends. Murray noted that if you characterize overall mortality rates into lifestyle or non-communicable diseases, between 30-40% of mortality is driven by lifestyle choices – including such factors as what you eat, whether you smoke, whether you exercise, how much sugar you eat, and how you manage your stress.

The insured population are typically quite happy to engage with that, he said, and Swiss Re is seeing improvement on those metrics, but there remain large swathes of the overall population who don’t engage in that conversation. As more data emerges over time, he believes the market will start to see stronger connections between activity and outcomes which, in turn, will help it to drive better results.

“An interesting area here is diabetes and Swiss Re is taking a leadership position on this globally,” he said. “We regularly engage with policymakers around the world – with doctors and thinkers on nutrition and food policy in particular – to [highlight] how your diet has a big impact on your health, but also to assess whether the current advice is appropriate for the future.

“Obesity and diabetes continue to increase. That debate has a long way to go, but if it continues to evolve positively, it will have a positive impact on mortality.”

Poor metabolic health drives obesity and diabetes, which are offsetting previous advances made by treating cardiovascular diseases and smoking cessation. The emergence of GLP-1/GIP weight loss injectables has shown early promise in reducing weight and improving baseline clinical risk factors, when combined with long-term lifestyle alterations. Although long-term data doesn’t yet exist on the impact of GLP-1 drugs, in the short term these medications are showing positive results in reducing all-causes, and specifically cardiovascular mortality. In addition, the drugs appear to positively affect a range of other conditions such as cancer, liver and kidney diseases, and even neurodegenerative diseases.

When will excess mortality return to pre-pandemic levels? Underpinning the broader conversation is the big question on the minds of many across the life and health reinsurance market – when, or if, excess mortality will return to pre-pandemic levels. Swiss Re’s recent paper posited both a pessimistic and an optimistic scenario because its role is not to say what will happen, but rather to encourage people to think about the tail risk of the COVID crisis and how it might play out.

“There is a huge delusion at the moment that COVID is over and when we talk about it, we say ‘when the pandemic happened’ but actually it is still happening,” he said. “So, insurance companies need to be very conscious of that and to be thinking ahead. Swiss Re has a powerful role across the market to make sure that this is being thought about.

“In our view, there are a range of scenarios, but most of them anticipate a return to normality in five to 10 years, depending on your level of optimism. And we think that because of the other more fundamental movements happening around cancer, lifestyle risk and eventually Alzheimer's, to name the three biggest ones, that mortality improvements will also return over the longer term.”

Study link: www.swissre.com/institute/research/topics-and-risk-dialogues/health-and-longevity/covid-19-pandemic-synonymous-excess-mortality.html

[materialsscienceandengineering]

Researchers use tin to toughen bioimplant titanium alloys through the cocktail effect

Beta(β)-type titanium (Ti) alloys are renowned for their strength, formability and resistance to harsh environments. This, along with their excellent biocompatibility, has made them adequately suited for implants and prosthetics, from joint replacement to stents. However, under certain conditions, a brittle omega phase can form, making the material prone to breaking. While it is known that adding tin (Sn) negates this, and makes β-type Ti alloys stronger, the exact mechanics behind this has continued to puzzle scientists. That is until now. A research team led by Norihiko Okamoto and Tetsu Ichitsubo from Tohoku University's Institute for Materials Research (IMR) has revealed how this occurs. Their revelation came via a systematic investigation using model titanium–vanadium (Ti–V) alloys, which included a combination of experiments and theoretical analyses.

Read more.

[glazedsnail]

Fanficcy

We're closing in to the end (not yet there's like at least 4 parts left lmao)

Misery Loved Company

ShanexOCFarmer (♀️) 18+ / swear words/substance misuse/explicit/suicide ideation/mention of abuse/Blood/injury

I know a good fanfic writer links her parts but I don't feel like it tonight I dribbled tea on my chest and that's tea that'll never end up in my belly.

Look at my family waiting for the jellyfishes. I'm taking Jas with me and there's nothing you can do about it.

Look at us all purple fresh and then there's goober with brown hair smh.

(I have a full folder of screenshots that can last me until I actually play the game again) (I had purple hair/green eyes combo before even knowing the existence of Shane this was truly meant to be)

‘Ok she’s back. Thank you Maru.’

‘I’m back?’

‘The hematoma isn’t new, do you recall when it might have happened?’

‘What do you mean I’m back?’

‘You dozed off a little, Maru got the blood needed. Fern, do you remember anything?’

‘Yes, I mean, yes. I fell face first. What’s this? How do you know my blood type?’

Harvey sighs, I’m obviously being difficult. Maru is softly laughing, removing the empty perfusion bag from the stent in my arm.

‘We have your medical records, on top of having a bank of universal donors if you want to know everything. Now can you answer MY questions? Fern?’

‘My medical records?’

‘When did you fall? Was that before the cut? Do you feel nauseous?’

‘Last night, or early this morning I’m not sure. I’m sorry.’

‘You are in a safe space, alright? Maru thank you again for the stitches. If anyone’s still outside let them know she’s fine.’

The young nurse starts walking towards the door.

‘But no one is allowed in until I say so, is that clear?’

She nods, getting herself ready. 

‘Ok Fern’ Harvey starts ‘I’ll keep you in tonight for observation. But tomorrow we’ll have to send you to Zuzu city for an MRI, alright?’

‘What about my arm?’

‘It was deep, but the shards missed any major arteries or tendons. You’ll get some blisters from the boiling water but’

‘Wait a minute, how do you know?’

He chuckles.

‘Wow you were really out weren’t you? You told us about the glasses and the tea and all.’

‘And all?’

‘Actually that was pretty much it. Do you want to keep the pieces of glass Maru extracted?’

He casually hands me a porcelain bowl with glistening small bits of glass, bloodied gauze, and a pair of tweezers. 

‘I, huh.’

‘I’m joking’ he adds, replacing the bowl on its tray. ‘There’s a bell if you need anything during the night. Anything urgent that is. I’ll phone Gus, see if Emily can deliver you some dinner. Craving anything in particular?’

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘The fusspot special then. Fern you’ve lost a lot of blood, you need to eat. I’ll be upstairs, ok?’

He disappears behind the curtains and I hear the door closing. It’s odd to have a friend turn on their bedside manners…

I feel so silly. Everything hurts so much. And I’m terrified of the town speculations.

Marnie did see it happen, she’d be able to help me dismiss any rumours. Then again, this is the perfect opportunity for her to confirm her narrative. That I’m way too unstable for Shane. 

What a thing to say. Coming to my house, waste my tea, drink my juice. Question my sanity. Forbid me to see her nephew. Nephew who made it clear he didn’t want to see me anyway.

I fall back on the large pillow with a sigh. The stitches are already itchy. The hospital gown is thin like toilet paper. The duvet is too thick. The perfusion stent is uncomfortable. Wait, hospital gown? How long was I out? Where are my clothes?

I’m too upset.

And hungry.

I pass my hand on my tired face. I try to remember what happened and what was said during the panic. I think about Vincent and Jas. Way to traumatise a generation. I carefully touch the bump on my forehead. “I’ll take you to Harvey’s in the morning.” He said. I scoff. Right. I didn’t believe a word he said anyway. That whole date was an absolute disaster. I had no fun, no laugh. Nothing. I faked through the whole ordeal. Comfortable arms? Soft lips? Warm smile? Kind eyes? … I slap myself. Left hand against my forehead.

‘Ow, ouch, oh what a fucking idiot’ I wince, folding myself over in pain. I never want to see him ever again.

Someone knocks on the door and doesn’t even wait for an answer to open. I assume it’s Emily with my food. ‘Ugh Emily I’m so happy to see you. I hope you brought something good, I’m starving. I have so much to tell you, you’re… Oh. It’s you.’

The curtain opened and out appeared Shane, holding a box.

‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, crawling back under the duvet.

‘Emily told me she had to deliver this to the hospital. I knew it was for you, so…’

‘Very professional of Emily I see…’

He puts the box on the bedside table and grabs a chair.

‘I’m not going to beat around the bush, Fern. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left so abruptly last night.’

‘It’s ok, no sweat.’ I lie.

‘It’s absolutely not ok. It’s never ok. Especially after… the time we spent together.’

My thighs tense up at the reminder. I try really hard not to look at him, lest I see his lustful eyes and sleazy smile on top of me, his sweaty body all over my naked skin.

I shiver.

Well that was an exercise in futility.

‘What do you want.’ I say in the coldest tone I can while my brain showers me with millions of images of me and Shane completely naked. 

Hardly appropriate. ‘I mainly came to see how you’re doing.’

‘I’m fine.’ I cut short

‘Do you mind telling me what happened?’

‘Ask your aunt.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You heard me.’ I’m bitter. Who wouldn’t? ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, Fern. Did Marnie come to visit you?’

I scoff. How dare he?

‘Shane, please, don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining, ok?

‘At least look at me.’

‘No.’

‘Fern, I’m sorry I hurt you. Leaving you there, in the chicken coop I… Well I panicked. I simply panicked. I don’t have any excuses other than I fucking panicked. Remembered how and why I was being so… rude to you in the first place, and seeing how we were now, it just…What if in the end I’m just… reverting back to that jerk… Fern, look at me!’

‘You know there’s a bell I can tug at to get Harvey down.’ 

‘You wouldn’t do that.’

‘Try me’

‘You wouldn’t bother anyone to get rid of me, one, you’re too polite, and self conscious. And two, for some reason I can’t understand you.. Like me? Still?’

‘So you came here to insult me, I see.’

He carefully grabs my heavily bandaged arm.

‘Did you… do that yourself?’

‘I said ask your aunt.’

‘Did SHE do that?’

I chuckle, what an idiot.

‘Yes, actually. She came in and said “if you touch my nephew again I’ll cut your arm, worthless farmer!” and did this to show me she wasn’t kidding.’

He laughs, the bastard.

‘Fern’

‘It’s not that far from the truth, you know.’

He stays silent, dumbfounded.

‘W-what?’ He stutters after a moment. I finally look at him. He’s out of his Joja uniform, making me realise how long I did pass out. He looks even more tired than usual. And worried. His cold hands are cradling mine, softly rubbing it with his thumbs. He brings it to his lips and kisses it. His other hand reaches my hair he tucks behind my ear.

‘Nasty bump there.’

‘See, I ended up at Harvey’s without your help’

He bites into his lip and looks down. We stay silent for a while, his hand rubbing mine, and I feel terrible to play with him like that. I, probably, didn’t need to bring Marnie in the conversation, when he’s already confused. ‘I broke a glass, in…Hum, in anger. And instead of, you know, doing the sensible thing like going to the hospital, I spend too long trying to fix it myself…’’ 

He softly kisses the bandages. I remember him seeing the wound and asking what I did, in the panic of it all. I kinda see where he’s coming from. But I’ll never admit it.

‘So’ I start ‘ What did Gus prepare for me?’

‘I actually don’t know, I just grabbed the box and left.’ He hands me the warm lunch box.

‘No notes this time?’ He dares say, in a laugh.

‘Like you’re in a position to make jokes. Aw! Some fried mushrooms and eggplant parmesan. Nice.’

‘So, does he know your favourite too then?’

‘Only one of them is my favourite’ I say, biting into a mushroom. ‘I’ll let you guess which one.’

‘I’m a terrible cook but I’m willing to try.’

I almost choke on my mushroom bite. Who said anything about cooking what for who now. I sigh.

‘He also packed some cookies. Do you, erm. Do you want to join me and grab some?’

‘You don’t want me to leave you alone? You won’t ring on Harvey?’

I laugh.

‘If anything happens, know that I have the power to make him come down in an instant!’

‘What pyjamas do you think he wears?’

‘I can ring to find out.’ I joke, extending my arm to the chord.

He laughs, timidly, and smiles at me. I smile back. I can’t fight it. I shuffle slowly to the side and pat the bed.

‘Come on. Let’s have a cookie sleepover.’

He chuckles and joins me.

‘Aren’t you cold in that gown?’ He asks, looking at me out of the cover, before lifting it for himself. ‘Oh shit that’s heavy duty stuff.’

‘Yeah I barely need the gown at all, it’ll make me sweaty.’

He laughs, locking his eyes into mine. I feel myself breathing heavily, looking back at him. He softly caresses my cheek, my neck, reaches my shoulder and undo the first knot of the hospital  gown. He sighs, breathing heavily too.

‘Harvey could hear us’ I say in one whisper, helping him put the box of food aside and get rid of his belt.

‘I’ll have to keep you quiet’ he says in my ear. I shiver, let him devour my neck, climb slowly, delicately, on top of me.

‘Watch for the stent.’

‘I’ll be very careful, the softest.’ He slowly inserts himself inside of me with incredible ease. He tries to conceal a groan as he feels my wet inside surrounding him, ready for him.

He breathes heavily against my neck. I grab him, letting him fall completely into me. He moves ever so slowly, making me taste every inch of him in a delicious soft dance, punctuated by his breathing and low growl.

‘You ok baby? I’m not hurting you?’

I shiver.

‘N-no’ I whisper back ‘This feels..Ah..Great.’

I fail at concealing a moan. Shane softly covers my mouth with his hand.

‘Shh. You’re gonna get us caught.’ he whispers directly in my ear, moving with the only goal of making me explicitly squeal.

He’s enjoying it. This is outrageous. I’ve never been so turned on in my life. 

‘That’s my good girl.’ He looks at me, still covering my mouth, moving his hips to overwhelm me, forcing me to stay silent. I try to keep my muffled whimpers as down as possible.

‘Shane…’

He kisses me with such intense softness. I grab the back of his head, kissing him back. My eyes are getting wet from the multiple sensations, the edges of pleasures Shane is balancing me on. The risk of getting caught, the self-inflicted restriction of making any kind of noise, while subjected to the creaking of the bed, the wet sound of our bodies merging, and his slow breathing against my skin. 

I lift my bandaged arm to him.

‘Ha shit.’

‘Are you ok?’

‘Yeah I’m sorry ah.. No, don’t stop… It’s only my arm. I almost forgot why I was there.’

‘Almost?’ He replies, kissing all the free skin he can find. ‘Then I’m not doing a good job.’ he laughs, moving inside me, making me yelp.

‘Shane!’

‘Shh.’

‘You certainly are enjoying yourself’ I say between gasps and heavy breathings. ‘Are you not?’ He asks, attacking me with a stronger thrust.

‘Fuck, Shane!’

‘I said: “are you not?”’ I yield, like I’m able to do anything else. ‘I am…’ I grab him by the back of his head, locking him with my legs. ‘ I love feeling your hard cock inside my warm pussy.’ I feel him try to conceal a spasm. Despite it all, it seems I know how to get the upper hand.

‘Fern…’ 

I’m overstimulated by his slow passionate fuck, the low sound of his whispering voice.

‘F-Fern.’ he repeats, slowly moving between my legs.

He buries his head in my neck. I bite into his shoulder. Tears fall down my temples as I conceal a scream, barely. I hear him growl, feel him tremble, feel his warmth covering my walls. 

‘Fuck Fern I’m sorry.’

‘It’s ok… It’s ok, don’t worry. No please stay… stay inside of me…’ 

‘I couldn’t…Control anything I’

I laugh

‘Shane it’s fine. Come don’t worry.’ I grab him back to let him fall on me, give him some rest. He works on getting his breathing back to normal, I play with his hair, feeling my heart pumping in my chest. I try to process how we came at the same time, like two stupid romance protagonists. I laugh to myself. After a while, disappointingly, he slips down next to me.

‘Are you gonna leave?’ I try to sound completely disinterested whatever he chooses. After all, about an hour ago I said I didn’t want to see him ever again. Then I saw him again, and invited him on my hospital bed, made him comfortable in between my legs, cried at the overwhelming pleasure he inflicted on me I… I need to stop and reevaluate my convictions. ‘No, unless you want me to.’

‘I guess you got what you came for.’

‘Fern’ He shuffles against me, moving his fingers delicately on my tender skin. ‘I know you don’t believe that of me.’

‘There’s been precedent.’

‘I had no clue this would happen’ he simply says, now kissing my chest ‘It’s certainly not why I came here.’

‘Then why?’

‘I still haven’t had any of those cookies for starters’

I slap his shoulder, failing to push him off the bed. He has no right to make me laugh.

He gains back his composure and sits up. ‘First of all, I wanted to check on you.’ He grabs me in his arms, making himself more comfortable on the hospital bed. He accidentally pushes his shorts, all with belt and set of keys, off the mattress. It all falls in a loud repeating clink of noises. We both brace ourselves, keeping an ear out for “old man Harv’” running down the stairs. Nothing. Fortunately. We both sigh and he continues. ‘When Caroline ran into Joja she was white as a sheet. She was shouting for Harvey. I was trying to calm her down and help her find the doc but then she said your name.  I let her there, and took off. As stupid as it was of me. She was panic stricken, about something that happened to you. I was so scared.’ I see his eyes shifting left and right. The memories of this afternoon are mixing with distant ones. Distant memories of hurt loved ones he’ll never be able to process. He wasn’t there. He couldn’t be there. It haunts him. I grab his shaking hand.

‘And then I saw everyone outside the clinic. Jas ran to me, crying. Penny’s hands covered in blood. I tried to ask what happened, Jas was crying on my shoulder. I got no answers. I had to run in. This.. rush overrode every sense in me, telling me I had to see you now, just in case.’  He’s trembling. I realise he’s having some sort of PTSD episode. I catch him, pulling him towards me.

‘Take a deep breath, Shane. You’re fine. I’m fine. It’s ok.’ I cradle him in my arms, swaying side to side, softly humming. ‘I did tell you about Jas’ parents.’

I nod, feeling the tears gathering in my eyes.

‘And you did the best you could. For her, and for yourself.’

I tightens my arms around him as much as my injury and this stupid stent allow me. ‘I’m fine, Shane. Look at me. All I’ll get is a stupid scar. We’re all fine, ok?’

He removes himself from my arms.

‘I’m sorry, I…I’m not sure what happened.’ He says, wiping his wet eyes.

‘You’ve had to process so much on your own, to keep strong for others, on your own.’ I recall Marnie’s words from this afternoon, asking me to leave Shane alone, for his own sake. Is she right? Would I bring him down? I’m in such a better place than ever before, that’s got to count for something, right? I don’t want to die anymore.

‘Fern?’

‘What?’

‘I said “how’s your arm?” You’re rubbing it.’ I didn’t even realise I’ve been doing that.

‘It’s ok. Harvey said it looked fine. He even asked if I wanted to keep the shards but he was joking.’

He laughs ‘That’d be kinda cool.’

‘Right? And he just threw them away.’

‘What if he actually keeps everything and has a collection box or something.’

‘Shane that’s so gross’

‘I know but imagine, everything that’s been inside someone’s body! A Pelican Town time capsule, a keepsake of some sort.’

‘So, he’s got shards of glass from me, what else?’

‘Well, I’m not sure how well pumped stomach content would keep.’

‘Oh of course, that night…’ 

I look to the side, to the empty bed in the corner Shane was occupying that night I stumbled upon him on the cliff. Harvey had done a great job preventing Shane from falling to alcohol poisoning. I shudder at the idea of what could’ve happened.

Shane grabs my chin, turning my head to him instead of the empty bed full of bad memories.

‘I’m fine.’ he says, knowing exactly what I was thinking about. ‘I mean, not…”fine”, but, I’m ok.’ he quickly adds, laughing. 

‘Can you stay with me a little longer?’ I ask, nuzzling into his chest. ‘I don’t want to be alone in this room.’

‘You can always ring for Harvey to come down’ he answers with a grin. ‘Yeah, you know what. I might. He seems like a good cuddler. Good night, Shane.’ I reply, turning my back on him and covering myself with the heavy blanket. ‘Don’t forget your pants on the way out.’

He laughs, I feel him shuffling down, lying next to me. He passes his arm under my neck and intertwines his fingers with mine. I’m too stunned to say anything. His other arm is resting on my waist, his hand on my chest. His leg pushes mines to insert himself in between.  I hear him sigh, and he kisses the top of my head.

‘G’night, baby’ he says in a soft whisper.

I’m, err, surprised? Pleasantly surprised that is.

I can’t help but feel bitter. I should have told about Marnie, about what she wants, what she knows, from his own mouth.

I didn’t say anything, I let him make love to me. Ha! Let him. Like I didn’t want it as much, if not more. I let him weaken me, make me laugh, remind me that I fell in love with him. He genuinely seems to not know about Marnie’s little visit. It wouldn’t be his choice. If he didn’t want me around he wouldn’t be spooning me right now.

But perhaps Marnie’s right. I can be a bad influence on him. All my talks about trying to be together and see, were they just to serve me? I don’t know properly why I fell for him. The only certain thing is that I want him happy. Do I want it enough to let him be happy without me? What if his happiness is kept at bay because of me? Every day he’d look at me and know that I tried to kill myself once. I can’t possibly bring him any good.

I can’t choose for him.

He holds me closer, as if to calm my troubled thoughts.

‘Good night, Shane.’ I finally whisper back.

[tzpscuckchair]

.

truly i just need a little rant break right now so im taking it. my mother is not well and hasn’t been for months. its been exhausting, not really the caretaking as much as the worrying. we found out recently that shes in stage 5 kidney failure and while that is somehow more terrifying than the unknown was, she’ll start dialysis later this month and i’ll calm down. until then i will be in constant worry. i don’t have a particularly smooth or easy relationship with my mother, but she’s still my mother. i have so many conflicting and confusing emotions about obligation and fear that it’s driving me insane.

this morning my dad was admitted to the ER and is being tested for heart attack/stroke symptoms, they’re keeping him overnight to see if he needs to have a stent put in. but he’s otherwise in good health so i’m being positive.

i’ve cancelled all my appointments for work until friday to be available incase worst comes to worst, also to take care of my mother. and now i feel extremely guilty about rescheduling my clients, some of which will come in with other stylists on days ill be working and see me doing other clients that i didnt have to reschedule. and they’re being very kind and understanding with me but fuck i feel so bad. it’s so hard to not feel guilty that everyone around me is helping me as much as they can- because i am grateful but it is doing so little for my mental state.

i’m just tired and crying and about to drive to the hospital. i don’t even want anyone to read this because i feel whiny and weak and ashamed. i just needed to type it out.

[number-one-kallamar-lover]

My own CoTL characters

For anyone who decides to read through all this, feel free to send asks about or to them, it would be nice and fun for me :>

I have quite a few of them, figured I might as well share them, and some brief details

Rangoon - A foreigner from outside the realms of The Old Faith and Second ever vessel of The One Who Waits. Very muscular but my artstyle can’t convey that super well. Survived being discarded via his heart being blown up. Rather extreme in his mannerisms and has all the power and more to be so confident. He is excited to ruin the realms to take back what is his. Despite the readiness to destroy what gets in his way, he is still careful and smart - He didn't stay out of godly eyes for almost 2000 years by being obvious.

Yarnay - One of the finest mortal warriors The Cult of The Lamb has to offer. Yarnay is rather naive and cheery, an almost complete opposite to Aym, but they are married regardless. He was born in a breeding camp in Anura and was saved. He cried at his first meal. Yarnay is excited to help clean up the lands.

Anatre - Another gifted warrior for The Cult, Anatre is a terrible person and loves to pull pranks that range from annoying to dangerous just so he can get a laugh. His rather loud personality have caused a lot of The Lamb's followers to grow rather fond of him, and those smart enough to dislike him can't do anything about it because unfortunately he's a bright bastion that improves Cult morale just by existing. Worst part is that Anatre has all the talent he needs to back it up, unlike Yarnay, Anatre prefers the magical arts, and even with his naturally gifted talents, he still worked hard to get to where he is. He secretly desires to be a hero.

Stent - Vessel before Ratau and Grandfather of The Lamb. Stent was a strong willed and straight-to-the-punch type of man, he did everything he could to protect his only living kin from the ongoing culling. He was unfortunately killed by Ratau in self-defense during one of his bloody crusades... yet despite losing the crown, his story does not end at his death, as he was survived by his infant grandchild, who would go on to be raised by Ratau. But even there, his story does not end.

[brokenlibrarygirl]

In my ongoing series of posts from the car dealership…

1. Hearing one of the office workers talk about the three stents she had put in like earlier in the week and how she wasn’t supposed to be here.

2. One remote worker having a 15 minute phone convo about a slide show. Individual slides and don’t type that much. My god corporate work should not be that intense about power-point.

3. Older gentleman falling asleep.

4. Four of us are clustered around the single soft chairs. All avoiding eye contact, and not talking. An amazing 1st.

5. I’m close to having an anxiety attack because I have to shell out $600 + to service my car. Basic shit like replacing the battery should not add on as much as it has.

[weirdrtvscomments]

It takes a lot to write this type of message, knowing fully well it most likely gets ignored, but for taking your time right read- THANK YOU.  And if you’re part of the few percentage of people who will interact— THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THAT SOMEONE LISTENS: 

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I apologize for reaching out like this, but my family is in an incredibly tough spot, and we need help. My mom, who has been battling cancer, recently had a surgery to remove cervical cancer. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the end of her fight. We just found out that the cancer has spread to her kidneys, causing severe complications, and now we urgently need to raise funds for her next surgery to place a ureteral stent.

She’s been a fighter all her life, and even more so since we lost my dad years ago. But this time, we’re struggling with the mounting medical bills, and we need help to save her. Her surgery costs $5,000, and though we’ve raised some money, we’re still short by $1,300 to start the process.

Her birthday just passed, and seeing the outpouring of love from people has given her hope again. She wants to fight, but we can’t do it alone. If you’re able to contribute or even share our story(not this ask but my pinned post), it would mean the world to us. Every bit counts, and your support could be what keeps her going. 

Thank you for reading this, and for any help you can give, whether it’s a donation, a signal boost on my pinned post, or just sending love and prayers our way.

Warm regards,

Bee

^

[rosetyler42]

It takes a lot to write this type of message, knowing fully well it most likely gets ignored, but for taking your time right read- THANK YOU.  And if you’re part of the few percentage of people who will interact— THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THAT SOMEONE LISTENS: 

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I apologize for reaching out like this, but my family is in an incredibly tough spot, and we need help. My mom, who has been battling cancer, recently had a surgery to remove cervical cancer. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the end of her fight. We just found out that the cancer has spread to her kidneys, causing severe complications, and now we urgently need to raise funds for her next surgery to place a ureteral stent.

She’s been a fighter all her life, and even more so since we lost my dad years ago. But this time, we’re struggling with the mounting medical bills, and we need help to save her. Her surgery costs $5,000, and though we’ve raised some money, we’re still short by $1,300 to start the process.

Her birthday just passed, and seeing the outpouring of love from people has given her hope again. She wants to fight, but we can’t do it alone. If you’re able to contribute or even share our story(not this ask but my pinned post), it would mean the world to us. Every bit counts, and your support could be what keeps her going. 

Thank you for reading this, and for any help you can give, whether it’s a donation, a signal boost on my pinned post, or just sending love and prayers our way.

Warm regards,

Bee

Hoping this one's not as scam

[cinnamons1999]

It takes a lot to write this type of message, knowing fully well it most likely gets ignored, but for taking your time right read- THANK YOU.  And if you’re part of the few percentage of people who will interact— THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THAT SOMEONE LISTENS: 

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I apologize for reaching out like this, but my family is in an incredibly tough spot, and we need help. My mom, who has been battling cancer, recently had a surgery to remove cervical cancer. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the end of her fight. We just found out that the cancer has spread to her kidneys, causing severe complications, and now we urgently need to raise funds for her next surgery to place a ureteral stent.

She’s been a fighter all her life, and even more so since we lost my dad years ago. But this time, we’re struggling with the mounting medical bills, and we need help to save her. Her surgery costs $5,000, and though we’ve raised some money, we’re still short by $1,300 to start the process.

Her birthday just passed, and seeing the outpouring of love from people has given her hope again. She wants to fight, but we can’t do it alone. If you’re able to contribute or even share our story(not this ask but my pinned post), it would mean the world to us. Every bit counts, and your support could be what keeps her going. 

Thank you for reading this, and for any help you can give, whether it’s a donation, a signal boost on my pinned post, or just sending love and prayers our way.

Warm regards,

Bee

this one seems legit, imma boost the pinned post since thats all i can do

[healthstack]

Coronary stents have evolved the treatment of coronary artery disease, with life-saving support from keeping blocked arteries open. 

[domjaehyun]

what do you typically write on? ik alot of writers write on their phones but i was wondering what ur like <<method>> is

hiiiiiiiiiii okay so here we go !!!!!!

i have like 3-4, occasionally 5 diff writing set ups and it depends on my mood and the circumstances but i’ll rank them by my favorite to least favorite :3 it’s under a cut bc i wrote a lot i blame the adderall :p lmk if you want links / pics of the stuff i use / my whole set up w notebooks and other equipment n stuffs :3

(1) ipad (on a stand) and my typewriter keyboard

(notes: THIS IS MY IDEAL SET UP BECAUSE I ADORE THIS KEYBOARD. it used to have a metal stent to hold my ipad but . alas . it broke. but sensory wise the clicky key switch sounds are sooooo satisfying it feels good and sounds good to type so i get so much more done when i use it :3 the only con is that the keyboard is bulky and too loud to use at the library, so i have to use it at home or in louder public places only. also the keys are kind of indented to fit the groove of your finger and it makes it easier to type with long nails bc instead of hitting a slippery flat/rounded target, i’m hitting a shallow bowl that kind of is designed to catch your finger, essentially)

(2) ipad (on a stand) and my logitech keyboard

(notes: this is my main set up for outside of the house because the keyboard is light and easy to work with and not too loud. it’s not as fun to type on as my typewriter keyboard, though, and the keys are smoother with no grip so it’s harder to type with long nails :p)

(3) my portable word processor

(notes: i love the keyboard actually i just wish the device didn’t feel so archaic to me i’ve had it since i was in like . fourth grade. and i just now picked it back up this month. there’s a way nicer cooler word processor i really really really want but it’s crazy expensive so i have to save up for it which is prob gonna take, like, at least a year :( unless i randomly come into a lot of money which would obviously be the ideal scenario but highly unlikely.) (the one i have is a pretty great processor though i just wish: (1) the display was brighter & didn’t time out so quickly (2) the system had a neater file organization system/some type of cloud back up (3) that it was easier to connect to a computer or tablet to transfer text; this one has a cord that i need two separate adapters for depending on the device i want to connect to it :( (4) ALSO it’d be great if like it supported standard keyboard shortcut formatting: like as it is rn i have to format it kinda like markdown formatting and then when i send the document from my processor to a device, i have to make sure the document im transferring to supports markdown formatting :P kind of a hassle)

(4) my laptop

(notes: some of my keyboard keys are starting to fade so i have a keyboard cover on it that is a lil …sticky? like if i were to drag my fingers/nails against the keyboard cover, it feels like im dragging my nails against rubber/silicone so there’s a bit of traction/grip that im not crazy abt i feel like it impedes my progress)

(5) my phone

(notes: this is exclusively for when i’m at work on the floor or on the move trying to put my ideas on the page before i forget. i haaaaaaate writing on my phone so much the keyboard is too tiny and i need to Feel And Hear The Clicks to feel productive)

[seyvetch]

It takes a lot to write this type of message, knowing fully well it most likely gets ignored, but for taking your time right read- THANK YOU.  And if you’re part of the few percentage of people who will interact— THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THAT SOMEONE LISTENS: 

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I apologize for reaching out like this, but my family is in an incredibly tough spot, and we need help. My mom, who has been battling cancer, recently had a surgery to remove cervical cancer. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the end of her fight. We just found out that the cancer has spread to her kidneys, causing severe complications, and now we urgently need to raise funds for her next surgery to place a ureteral stent.

She’s been a fighter all her life, and even more so since we lost my dad years ago. But this time, we’re struggling with the mounting medical bills, and we need help to save her. Her surgery costs $5,000, and though we’ve raised some money, we’re still short by $1,300 to start the process.

Her birthday just passed, and seeing the outpouring of love from people has given her hope again. She wants to fight, but we can’t do it alone. If you’re able to contribute or even share our story(not this ask but my pinned post), it would mean the world to us. Every bit counts, and your support could be what keeps her going. 

Thank you for reading this, and for any help you can give, whether it’s a donation, a signal boost on my pinned post, or just sending love and prayers our way.

Warm regards,

Bee

.

[dollsonmain]

So, since getting antibiotics, I have a normal body temp. I've been consistently hypothermic (94.7) for years but now I'm regularly temping around 98.

But also at the moment I am feeling less than awesome so I'm monitoring myself.

Woke up kind of shaky and wobbly, no appetite, hard time typing, and now I'm uncomfortably warm. Both kidneys hurt when I used the restroom.

tmi:

My stent string ended up in my butt and I discovered that when I had pooped and wiped and felt a tug and now I'm like ewewewewew...... I didn't know what to do so I got some alcohol in a little spray bottle and sprayed it down.

Looking forward to removing that.

[athena-cat-wizard-official]

Favorite technologies or coolest concepts in medicine?

stents. funky little guys with some really cool tech in getting them to fold into the surgical equipment and then unfold properly to prop open the vessel.

honestly though the entire concept of biologics (custom monoclonal antibodies) is cool as fuck. you can create an active drug ingredient that is designed from the ground up to target a specific receptor or hormone or whatever, and completely inactivate it or even mark it for immune destruction. it's a super customisable type of medical therapy that should have way less side effects and im really excited to see it become more mainstream