#ty to kallmekris for giving me this idea no matter how indirect it was

[fishyupmywishy]

A Night Out (Part 1?)

“I can’t believe I’m single! I really thought he was the one,” Chelsea whined, stretching herself over the armrest of the couch.

Amari sighed. “Alright look. Lemme give you some advice.”

Chelsea quickly sat up and nodded eagerly. 

“Men are like refrigerators. It’s not about what they look on the outside, it’s what they got to offer from the inside.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah,” Amari said, taking a sip of whatever it is in her cup.

“Mark had a nice fridge. Are you saying I should get back with him?”

Amari nearly spat out her drink. “No, no. That is not at all what I’m saying.”

“But you just said-“ Chelsea started.

“No, no. Okay, look, you’re missing the point. Mark is the fridge in this scenario,” Amari said, uncrossing her legs.

“Okay, I get that he wasn’t exactly a male model but you don’t have to insult him like that!” Chelsea pouted.

“No, see Mark is a nice, expensive, Kitchenaid fridge with no fingerprints on the outside, got it?”

Not waiting for a response, Amari continued.

“But when you open it,” she motioned, “When you open it, all you see is some expired milk, week old sushi, and baking soda, and vegetables that haven’t been touched since the decade started. You get what I’m saying?”

Chelsea looked as if she was paying attention to every word Amari was saying. 

“I’m pretty sure Mark had a whirlpool fridge.”

Amari pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation and sat down her cup on the coffee table. “Oh my, no sweetheart. I’m saying that while he may be pretty on the outside, he’s all rot and mold on the inside.”

“Oh!” Chelsea nodded in understanding. “Okay but what if you have company? It’s always good to have a nice fridge on display.”

“Yeah! Until they open it and realize there’s zero substance on the inside!”

“This is a simple fix. Just close it, forget about it, order food.” Chelsea looked so proud of herself for saying that, as if she had just solved world hunger.

“You can’t keep ordering food, Chelsea!” Amari slammed her fist into her open hand on each word. 

Chelsea furrowed her eyebrows and bit her lip. “But what if-“

Amari stood up as she realized her dumbass friend wasn’t getting it. 

“Hey, where are you going!”

“You’re clearly not getting it so here is what I’m going to do and you’re gonna listen. Is that understood?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Amari sighed. “Saturday night. You’re going to be dressed all nice in that outfit I picked out for you to wear for Mark which you never wore for some reason even though you were so excited to wear it.”

“Mark didn’t like it,” Chelsea said softly, looking down at the floor.

Amari pretended not to hear that while she plotted that stupid man’s murder in her head. “I am going to take you out on a date,” she said matter of factly.

“A date? Why?” Chelsea was utterly confused.

“I am going to give you some real expectations and standards,” Amari took a step closer to Chelsea.

“I am going to make sure you have the best time of your life.” Another step.

“And I am going to hope that you finally understand that someone taking you out to a shitty diner where all his friends are giving him pats on the back is not a good thing.” Step.

Now directly in front of her best friend, Amari kneeled to be level with Chelsea and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Is that okay?” Amari softened her voice.

“Y-yeah,” Chelsea said, letting go over her tortured lip. “That’s really okay.”

Amari smiled in satisfaction and stood up. “Good. I’ll see you on Saturday then,” she shouts behind her as she saunters off to the front door.

Chelsea tried to get up from the weird angle she was sitting and ended up tripping.“W-wait! You didn’t tell me where!” She called from the floor.

Amari giggled as she stepped out. “You’ll find out on Saturday!”

And with that she left, leaving a very confused Chelsea on the floor.