#ty for the ask anon i love talking about my schmoopy pookie little brother van palmer ^_^

[krookodyke]

Also the concept of how alive Van is in the wilderness as compared to home. She has people who actively care about her and openly protect her, she can kiss her girlfriend in public. She fights so much for her life because this is the first time part of her is truly living

literally… and it’s like. in wiskayok van always has to be alert 24/7, mostly of herself and making sure the way she exists is Digestible for others. then in the wilderness she can fully be Van no holds barred. but when she begs tai to leave her after the wolf attack, it’s a plea. people talk that jackie was likely suicidal to some extent because yeah she literally could’ve just knocked on the door or whatever like she voluntarily Chose to stay out there in the cold, but i also think van was suicidal in some way as well because that was the moment where she wanted to fully give up fighting. she’s been fighting her entire life, she’s fucking tired, she wants it to be Over. but then it sinks in for van, that her curse given by the wilderness isn’t a shadow self or communing with french attic ghosts but to be killed, over and over again, and be reanimated just as much, never to die. the wilderness keeps her alive because she needs to be alive. it’s the only place where she’s been truly alive, anyway.