#ty again for the advice :((( 💜💜💜

[dreastmilk]

So for starting a fic, I'm very chaotic when I write so maybe this isn't the most helpful but hey you never know

So, as a person who's pretty AU heavy it usually starts with a concept. Then it's putting together my base world. What are the laws/norms of this au, who's what who is who etc etc

Then I go into my beginning and my end. I very thoroughly flesh out my first scene, bits of prose dialogue and thinking to my "inciting incident" to use proper terminology etc while also developing my ending. What's the big thing I'm going to build up too. What's the shift, where do I let all the tension go.

From there I literally start my writing that first scene and trusting in my process to keep going. As I write, I develop these other plot points that will all keep building up to the ending scene while also letting my character dictate the story.

So many things have had to be altered or added or cut out entirely cause one of my characters decided to take the story off the rails

And lastly, write for yourself. I totally get it, getting hits and kudos and especially comments are nice. But your target audience for anything you write, should be yourself. If you write something that you think someone else will enjoy, well, maybe. But if it's not something you would really wanna read, why would anyone else. But if you write something for yourself, well you have someone excited to read it. Don't care if other people wanna read it, if it makes you excited and happy, do it!

Sorry if this was the least helpful thing lmao

aah thank you for the advice! its way more thought out than I expected, but you have some really good points and ideas. I suck at taking advice but I'll try it thank you :( 💜💜💜

[consistentlyamess]

Wild Sweetness ⎮ Prologue

[1.4K]

pairing(s): luca x fem!oc MJ

summary: MJ has just settled in after opening back up a bakery in Chicago when some unexpected news

warnings: not much so far, takes place after season 3, 18+ , MDNI, swearing, eventual smut, second chance romance, pining, slowburn, flashbacks in italics, lmk if i missed anything!!

A/N: heeelloo!! this idea has been sloshing around in my head since i watched season 2 and started working on it while waiting for season 3. comments, likes, reblogs are appriciated as always or just come chat at me! And as always 💜💜💜 TY for reading!!!!💜💜💜

Fic Masterlist I Previous Chapter I Next Chapter

‘Well, well, well, look what rhubarb season dragged in!’ 

‘Morning, MJ’ Marcus greeted with a big, bright smile.

‘Please, say, you have some coffee for me!’ 

‘Not even a ‘good morning’, damn, you must really be tired.’ 

‘I’m sorry, I stayed up reading again and drank two glasses of wine, so now I’m tired and also a little hungover because somewhere between re-opening the shop and last night I also became an old lady.’ Marcus laughed and shook his head. 

‘You’re not an old lady, but you do need to get out more.’

‘Weird, I don’t remember asking that coffee with a side of unsolicited advice.’ 

‘Careful, chef, you might not get the coffee either if you keep being a smartass.’ Marcus quipped back with a cheeky smile but also handing her the takeaway cup.

‘Oh, you’re a godsend, my friend.’ She took a sip and sank deeper into her place behind the counter for a second. ‘So, what's the agenda today?’ 

‘You said it: it’s rhubarb season. And we’re changing the menu.’ 

‘Excellent! Let me grab my jacket and we can go! Lucy’s is already on the fresh croissants.’

‘Hi Lucy!’ Marcus bellowed so she can hear him in the back.

‘Morning Brooks!’

‘Still no first name, huh?’ 

‘Told ya’, you gotta earn it!’

‘Be nice Lucy, I’ll be back in the afternoon!’ 

‘Got it, chef!’  

Marcus and Marjolaine (just MJ for him and most) have been doing this routine for almost a year now. With a changing of seasons came the changes of the menus and so they went out looking for inspiration. And that looking always started at the fresh, seasonal ingredients. Rhubarb was one of MJ’s personal favourites and she couldn’t wait to indoctrinate the young pastry chef. Managing a bakery could become a nightmare sometimes but having someone like Marcus, a soothing, calming presence was something she couldn’t have imagined her life without at this point. The first time Marcus wandered into the shop, they were barely open. Chairs were missing and wires were hanging from the walls but MJ set up a little stand outside. First he thought it was a little weird, operating on half-capacity, if that, but while he was drinking his coffee he asked her and it turned out to be quite the trick. 

‘Look, we've been at this for months now, right? Renovating, drilling, sawing, equipment coming in, equipment breaking, equipment coming in again. We tore down a fucking wall for crying out loud!’ She threw her hands, for emphasis and Marcus started to suspect that maybe this flare for the dramatic was some kind of common theme with people who were brave - or crazy, jury’s still out - to open a restaurant. 

‘Tell me about it.’ He said, reminiscing about Fak and Richie screaming at eachother. 

‘Right, and they know nothing about who I am, what we’re gonna do here, we’re just annoying and inconvenient as fuck. So, I thought, let’s just show them! The kitchen is almost up and running, I can also do some of it at home, some french press, some fresh pastry, bamm, nice neighbourhood bakery girl!’

‘Allright, I see you, nice bakery girl! That’s actually pretty fire.’ 

‘Well, why thank you! And while we’re at it, can I ask, where this inquiry is coming from.’ 

‘Oh, shit yeah, sorry! Hi, I’m Marcus, I work at The Bear, just down the block and I’m the pastry chef there.’

‘Sussing out the competition. Clever. Hi, Marcus, I’m Marjolaine. Yes, it’s a french name, no you don’t have to say all of that every single time. Some people call me Margie, some call me Margot, anything goes. And this place here’ she said, gesturing behind her like a circus presenter ‘is going to be the Wild Sweetness, bakery and breakfast place.’ 

‘Wow, that’s a lot of info in one breath chef.’ 

‘You don’t have to call me chef.’

‘I have to call you something, till I figure out my name for you.’ 

‘I just gave you like 4 options.’ 

‘Yeah, I know, but I want something original, welcome you to the hood properly.’ 

‘Yo, boss!’ 

‘One sec Tony! Duty calls Marcus but thanks for the chat, I hope I’ll see you around!’ 

‘Bet! Come check out The Bear sometime!’ 

‘Will do!’ 

And from then on it became a habit. Even after the Wild Sweetness opened properly, Marcus almost always started his day there. It took him about 3 weeks to come up with MJ. ‘The hair and the whole vibe. There’s something very MJ-ish about you. Comic book MJ, not movie MJ.’ 

She took it as a compliment and got to be known around The Bear as just that, MJ from the bakery. 

‘Do you have any ideas yet?’ she asked as they were walking to the market. Well, the first market that is. There was a whole routine now to the whole operation. Start at the Sweetness, since MJ was renting the flat above the bakery, but Marcus insisting that no, you’re absolutely not firing the coffee machine just for this, i’ll grab it on my way, check Frank’s, two streets down, he usually had one or two rare fruits or a new guy bringing homemade jam, so it was always worth a try. Also Frank was a staple of these mornings, in and of himself. Without fail, without a hitch greeting with a gravelly and grouchy ‘You kids are goin’ to be the death of me I swear, who wakes up like this, ass crack of dawn on a Saturday, unbelievable! Now, come on in, I got somethin’ to show you.’ Rough cut man with a thick Chicago accent, who was a real fiend when it came to very niche, hearty jams. After Frank they usually headed for the markets, browsing for hours, trying some things then getting some lunch. 

‘I’m not sure yet. A compote feels too on the nose. Rhubarb and strawberry, while a classic for a reason also feels played out. Something about, like. a deconstructed rhubarb crumble keeps popping up in my head but nothing else.’

‘Ouh, I like the sound of that. Have you talked to Carm about it?’ 

‘Not really, he’s been in a mood lately.’ 

‘Lately? I feel like he’s always in a mood.’ 

‘Yeah, fair enough.’ 

‘What’s been going on? He’s still in over his head?’ 

‘Yeah, I don’t know, I feel like he’s just, I don’t know, like he’s just stuck. He thinks that pushing himself harder is always the answer, you know?’ 

‘Yeah, I know people like that.’ 

‘Yeah, and you just can see that he’s not getting enough sleep, not talking to his people, meanwhile Nat is home with the baby, and I get it, failing is not an option but he just doesn’t need to throw a fit over how tape is cut, you know?’ 

MJ snorted a laugh. ‘Yeah, I get you. And yeah, if being hard on yourself worked, it would”ve worked by now, right?’

‘Fuck, yeah, exactly.’  

This morning in particular has been a little slower, a little quieter than usual. Marcus talking about Syd in a hushed tone while they walked from stand to stand, one she recognized immediately. She wasn’t going to meddle. Not in this anyway, but she felt for the young chef. A crush that was going nowhere. There was something so brave and defiant about the whole thing though. Holding those feelings, stepping back and still trying, still keeping an eye out for when maybe his number gets called. But it was also noticeable how he got a little quieter, a little more soft-spoken since his mother passed. 

‘You guys had that tiramisu on the menu a while back, right?’ MJ asked while looking for some peaches. 

‘Yeah, we did.’ 

‘Well, how about something in that direction? Maybe not mascarpone but something with heavy cream, make it light, little lemony, infuse it with rhubarb, ladyfingers soaked in strawberry liquor, something like that.’

‘Okay, throwing this out like it’s not a big deal. That sounds pretty fire actually.’ 

‘You give me too much credit, it might not work.’ 

‘Maybe, but you always set me on a good path, even if it’s not, like, perfect.’  

‘Allright, now you’re just sucking up.’ MJ said with a small laugh. 

They keep browsing and first she doesn’t even notice that Marcus gets lost in his phone for a minute.

‘Oh, shit!’ he exclaims, so suddenly startles her. 

‘What’s up?’ 

‘Yo, this is so cool! You remember that pastry chef I staged with in Copenhagen?’

‘Luca, right?’ 

‘That’s him! He’s coming to town! He’s taking a sabbatical and he’s coming here, to check out the restaurant and shit, yo, this is so cool, you guys can finally meet!’ 

‘Well, how about that.’ 

[noctivague]

Hi, I’m a 29 year old woman who’s in the medicine field. I’m currently at a crossroads in life because I’ve failed my licensing exam 3x and only have one more chance in May to pass.

I guess my question is: will I pass? If not should I switch careers and go into health IT?

Thank you again!

Hello :) I broke down the reading in a few sections to help me understand the situation better. First is a ''current situation'' section to make sure I'm connecting well to your problem. Then I tackled your questions, and also added further advice regarding the situation.

Also remember you are the one with the full knowledge and control over your life so take what resonates but in the end follow your gut!

Tell me if it resonates and I wish you all the best on your path!! 💜

Your Current Situation

Cards: 8 of swords; 10 of swords; Solitude: "In Silence, Peace Prevails"

It is very clear that the way you perceive this situation is feeling stuck and defeated. You feel like, after all your setbacks, you can't see what lies ahead and you are worrying about failing again, which puts you in a state of despair and makes you think there is no way out for you. Your fears are tying you down and you can't see the solutions that are around you.

It also tells me that you are so focused on your goal and a specific outcome that you lost touch with yourself. The Solitude card speaks your current need of stepping back from the situation to gain a new perspective.

It could also literally mean that you feel alone in your struggle, which we will see in future cards.

Will you pass your exam in May?

Card: High Priestess (reversed)

This is a conditional no, as in, for the time being, it is not likely, but there are ways you could shift the situation. It seems there are hidden aspects to your situation (the high priestess is all about hidden knowledge) that you are not seeing.

It’s also interesting because it talks about the necessity to trust your intuition, which ties into the Solitude oracle card I drew in the current situation and the fact that you are so tied to your fears that you can’t see the situation clearly and are isolating yourself as a result.

What is that hidden thing you are not seeing?

Card: 3 of pentacles (reversed)

You lack a clear sense of direction, I think, again, that your fears are so strong that they are freezing you in place, making your confused and aimless. You lack self-confidence and your motivation is crumbling.

There is also a message of lack of collaboration, as in, you try to do everything on your own and feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and that it's your job alone to carry it. You might benefit from reaching out to someone to help you through this, be it classmates or mentors, or loved ones. Basically you need support.

The card shows people building a cathedral, and in a sense, what you are trying to establish in your life is big work, and just like a cathedral, you can't make that happen alone.

What needs to shift so that the no becomes a yes?

Card: The Sun (reversed)

The Sun is all about undiluted joy and childlike wonder, and the fact that it appears reversed is a sign to connect back into that.

So I think the most important thing you can do to shift the situation is not to keep forcing through, feeling pressured and in that blind spot I talked to earlier, but rather, change your outlook and perspective on your current situation.

It’s all about finding that sense of optimism back, and trust that things will change for the better. I think it’s also the perspective that, no matter the outcome of this situation, there are always other opportunities that will arise for you, and that by understanding that and letting go of the need to control this situation, you will release fear which will put you in a better spot to achieve your ultimate goal, which is to find your path and flourish in it, because you will be free of this fear that clouds your intuition.

I think that it is important for you to not focus solely on your goal to the point that you are stressing yourself out, but also to do things that bring you joy and sooth your heart. It will bring you clarity and a renewed sense of optimism that will allow you to navigate the situation with enthusiasm and a refreshed perspective.

Should you change your trajectory to go into health IT?

Card: The Hierophant

Yes, with the advice to follow established structures and paths, and also to seek the advice from people who have a position of authority in the field, such as teachers, career advisors, or professionals that could give you a good understanding of this path and help you make a well-informed choice.

Basically, if you chose to go that route, you need to gather information and follow a structure. Perhaps meaning a new training or whatever you need to embrace this field.

I think it ties to the previous message of not trying to do everything on your own but seeking help and support. We are social being and there is knowledge and wisdom out there that you can make your own by communicating with people who hold it. You really don't have to go through this alone.

What other things should you know about this situation?

Cards: Watching Clouds: “lie back, rest, relax”; Stepping into Power: “you are strong beyond measure”; Overcoming Obstacles: “You can overcome anything”; XXXIX The Temple; XX The Pilgrim; 6 of Cups

There is again an advice to try to find calm and stillness and not get caught up in your fears. You probably also deeply need to recharge and find your balance back. This will allow you to find your confidence again and move towards whatever path you wish to pursue.

You are full of resources but it seems you lost sight of that and the first thing you should do is get back into that place. Don’t let the past setbacks make you believe that there are no opportunities for you because it is not true. Really, this shift in perspective will allow to not only overcome this situation, but also, to come out stronger out of it because you will have learned a lot about yourself.

The Temple and the Pilgrim cards also urges you to reexamine what you are overly-focused on and what you are pushing away. It seems you are so focused on outward success that you are neglecting your inner well-being. Find back that sense of optimism, adventure, trust and reverence of life, and know that once you find that sense of movement within you, things will get unstuck outside as well.

I’ll just quote the guidebook because this is super interesting: “We all have a deep longing to answer the call, to get “unstuck”. What are the obstacles between you and the door?”

I don't know if you practice journaling, but if not, that could be a really cool thing to start doing as a way to self reflect on your motivations and what you are cutting yourself from.

I already talked about relying more on people around you so I won't repeat myself, but I also feel like the fact that you got super spiritual Major Arcana and oracle cards is a nudge for you to rely more on the help of those who love you from the other side (I'm talking spiritual entities, cannot describe further because I don't know what your religious or spiritual beliefs are) and wish to see you succeed. There is spiritual help available and it could be a good idea to reconnect with that through prayer or meditation, or simply by, again, shifting your focus and allow their help into your life.

[livums]

Hello!! Mystery 🔎 for the ask game, please!!

Hello! Thank you for the ask! 💜💜

Mystery 🔎: something in your wip/s that you haven't figured out yet

There's a LOT I haven't figured out yet.... but it's a little hard to discuss without spoilers so forgive me if this all sounds as vague as possible LOL it took me like thirty minutes to figure out how to phrase it.

For The Romance of the Demigods I'm not entirely certain about... some of the major cosmology in the world. I know who the gods are, but figuring out how they all tie together is the trickier part...

I will probably talk about them more sometime (at least the Fae-gods, they're the easy ones...)

BUT there's a lot that I'm really prepared to just stumble into as I write, yknow? I'm actually very excited to see where the story takes me! It definitely has the vibes of something that'll come alive on its own.

There are also some arcs I'm trying to figure out as well... I am hitting up the advice writeblrs like crazy 😵😵😵

It does really help to talk it through with people though LOL. ty again for the ask!

[youngpettyqueen]

1, 5, 17! 💜💜💜

ty Ally!! <3

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

generally I prefer to write one shots when it comes to fic! one shots can be so varied in terms of length and what they convey- you can do a scene, a whole story, 1k, 10k, I find the freedom of one shots really appealing. ive only ever written I think two multi-chapter fics, and while I do enjoy writing them, they are limited to being longer-form stories and theyre definitely more of a commitment to yourself and to your reading audience with having to update multiple chapters. its why I havent written another multi-chapter fic since 'and miles to go before i sleep'- I love that fic, I loved writing it, but if im going to write a multi-chapter fic it needs to be a story I really, really want to write and be able to hold my motivation so that I can keep writing it for however long it takes. a one shot can take me months to complete and thats fine cause nobody sees it till its done. if a multi-chapter fic takes me months I might be leaving people hanging, which I never want

(I dont think there's anything wrong with that, to be clear, making people wait- we write and provide this stuff for free and we can take as long as we want, I personally just struggle with some guilt over it because I cant help it lgdkjghd)

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

I dont mind it! I dont seek it out with fic, really, but I actively seek it out with my original writing. if I ever wanted constructive criticism on fic I would ask about it from people I know better within fic communities and fandoms, because I would know and trust that they'd be able to give me actual solid advice. I really dont feel the need for it, though, and thats not like. out of arrogance or anything. I dont think im above it. its just that fic is something I do for fun!

with my original writing I actively seek out constructive criticism and feedback. I think its essential to the process and I eat it up. something im excited for with the novel im working on is getting to send it to a literary agent, to editors, to sensitivity readers all so I can get that constructive criticism and that feedback on it

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

I usually try to force my way through it while chanting "its a rough draft it doesnt need to be good its a rough draft it doesnt need to be good its a-" until I can get something down that can be edited later. when this doesnt work, I turn away from the project im currently working on and I go to something else

one such example is when I had really bad block while writing 'and miles to go before i sleep' I turned to writing a few other one shots so that I could get the words flowing again. im a firm believer in writing every day, even if its just a few words, so working on other things really really helps me work through a block and not get stuck for months on end. im currently working through other WIPs while a specific one gives me a lot of trouble, and taking prompt requests the other day has really helped me get back on my groove! im working through the last request now which is a combo of the request itself and an older WIP I'd been struggling with, and its been nice to post writing again

[meowzfordayz]

T !!! 🗣️ HII !!! 🗣️

I’m finally stopping by again after being dead for such a lonnngggg time 😭🥹

I started off by rereading your last response to me, which was super heartwarming (very much older sibling vibes 🥹💜), and I can now say I did end up passing the AP Chem exam!! I got a 3, which I was SO relieved to see that I passed 😅😅

I’m now taking AP Bio tho, along with 3 other APs, so I’m back to square one again… And our first unit is covering chem, which ASDJFJSJS *war flashbacks* 😔

Prom was alrighttt; the boy drama didn’t turn out the best for one of my friends during the middle of the event 😬 (very complicated, as most teen drama often is LMAO), but it’s fine now for the most part. I’m happy we at least had fun dressing up and dancing together ☺️

Aside from that, ty for all the lovely advice/support and positive vibes you gave (it means a lot)!! 💜💜

I also want to say that I’m so sorry I was inactive all summer! 😔 Imma be honest, mine didn’t go the best.. Nothing bad happened thankfully, but my mental state took a pretty steep nosedive, mostly due to the looming knowledge of this being the last year of my childhood (legally), time flying by way too fast, and the upcoming stress of college apps 😓

However, near the end of the summer I watched the movie Soul for the first time (just by chance), which actually resonated so deeply with me?? I’m so grateful I watched it because it genuinely helped pull me out of the state of limbo I was in, and I’ve can honestly say I’ve been doing much better since then (it definitely hammered home a lot of the advice you gave as well 🫶). A bit cheesy, but nonetheless ironically fitting for what it was lmao 😅

Now, how have you been??? I scrolled down a little to see that you injured your knee?! 😰

Super glad it wasn’t a torn ACL, but a sprain it still quite inconvenient and painful (been there 😔). Remember to take it easy and rest, and I hope it heals soon 😤

Other than that, hope you’ve been well overall? 🥹

- 💜

Hii bby !!!!! 🤯😍 I'm so glad you weren't actually dead, and am thrilled to see you in my inbox again !!!!! 😂🫶🏽 You've nothing to apologize for inactivity wise; you had a lot going on, which is 100% understandable! 😵‍💫 I haven't watched Soul, but I liked its trailers, and am happy it accomplished what I (personally) feel art should — made you feel something !! 🥺

Congratulations on passing AP Chem !! 🥳🤓 I only took 2 AP classes in high school (Language & Composition + Government), and didn't take any of the official exams (I did get A's in the classes themselves tho), and I purposely avoided the STEM AP classes lmao — props to you !! 😤😎

Prom and drama seems like an appropriate (albeit unfortunate) combo 🥴, but I'm relieved that everything's generally ~okay! 😮‍💨 I hope you yourself had a drama free and enjoyable night? 😅 What color was your outfit? 👀

My knee's doing well, albeit still a bit stiff, and I can def tell when I've accidentally pushed it too much throughout the day (i.e. walking too fast + standing for too long). 🤪 Besides that, I'm basically just on the semester grind: classes, work, hw, writing, exercising, and hanging out w/ my bf + friends. 🫨

Sending you fabulous Friday vibes, and a bonus bowl of pho! 🍜💝

[symptoms-syndrome]

hihi its the asian anon here. ty for ur response it made me feel very safe that someone idk validated my feelings?? not sure!! but i want to try to confront him about it respectfully, do u have any advice how to go about it ? i feel like going “change ur name Now” to his alter is a little forward

Hi Asian anon! 💜 I'm glad I can make you feel validated and supported!

I hope this doesn't sound too clinical, but I really like to use a DBT skill called DEAR MAN when asking for things like this.

This usually gets a standard template something like this:

When you [describe the action, with as little bias/opinions as you can] it makes me feel [emotion.] I would really appreciate if you [possible solution,] because if you did [something good for both of you.]

The way I would personally adapt this, and if course once you have the basic template you can/should adjust it to feel more natural/less fill in the blank, would be something like this:

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that when you/your part/alter (whatever languages they use for themselves) use [name], it makes me feel really weird and uncomfortable because as an Asian person, a lot of us have faced a lot of discrimination specifically because of our names. I would really appreciate it if [name] could go by a nickname when you're around me, because then I'd feel more comfortable hanging out with you and we could spend more time together where we both feel supported."

Of course, these are my reasons, emotions, etc. You should use however you feel, and your experiences/reasons.

I can feel really intimidated by setting boundaries like this, but it's important to remember that good friendships rely on boundary setting and communication. Your friends should want to make you feel safe and supported!

Then again, not all people's desires are compatible. I would decide before the confrontation what your "wiggle room" is. What are you willing to compromise, and what are you not willing to compromise? There's no wrong answers, but know what you're willing to put up with and what you aren't. If you both can't come to an agreement within your comfort level, it may be a sign you'll need to reevaluate what sort of relationship you want to have with them. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever, and that's okay. You should surround yourself with people for whom you're able to respect their boundaries, and they respect yours. Not being able or willing to meet every person's need doesn't necessarily mean they or you are a bad person, nor does it necessarily mean someone's boundaries are "wrong." Some people just aren't compatible.

He may be at a point where it feels extremely important to him to use that name, in which case he's going to have to come to terms with the fact that many people around him, especially Asian folks, will be uncomfortable with that. Maybe that will make him reconsider his priorities, but maybe he won't be ready for that.

A really hard part of my work with antiracism education and queer education is coming to terms with the fact that not everyone is in a place to listen. This isn't necessarily out of malice, some folks just aren't in a place where they feel they can admit that they're wrong, or things they learned were wrong. A lot of people have a strong gut reaction of pushing back when something they feel connected to (a sports team logo, a word they use, a value they hold) is perceived to be under attack, and it can feel to them like the attack is towards them as a person. It can be helpful to remind someone in this case that having had that feeling, enjoying that thing, etc doesn't necessarily make them bad as a person, while also pressing that listening to folks who are hurt by it is important, and sometimes change is necessary. Ignorance is only a bad thing if someone chooses to hold onto it.

Disclaimer, though, that I would not pressure him into needing to change his name "internally." What he does within the confines of his own brain is his (and his therapist's) business, and while that can oftentimes be a reflection of real-world harmful things, it can be a lot of work to unpack within oneself. "I need you to use a different name when you're with me"/"please use a non-asian pseudonym online" is different from "you need to change your name entirely." The former are easy for 99.99% of people (once the hurdle of pride/white fragility etc is overcome) but the former not only effects no one but him, but can be (but isn't always, everyone with DID is different) really difficult.

I wish you luck! Feel free to reach out again if you'd like 💜 I'm glad I can be helpful for you!

[daddys-chaton-noir]

First of all, thank you for being such a wonderful person. (I asked about advice) Soo! There's this guy that I have known for about a year now, we met on OkCupid while I was in his city, visiting friends lol. We were going to go on a date when I was there, but timing never worked out, he ended up in the hospital because he has chronic pancreatitis and is pretty much in/out of the hospital always. Well we have kept in contact for the most part, and both have dated other people. But a few (1/?)

Months ago he got back in contact with me like more frequently than he had been bc he and his then gf broke up after like a week or so. And anyway, he has pretty much asked me to move there - has offered to pay to transport me and my little girl there (yep, I have a baby that isn’t his, she’s three months old) and this is a 22 hour drive. Something i def don’t want to do with a small baby. I made the drive by myself once just fine bc it was just me but this is a whole other person and (2/?)

I am just not super excited about ever making a drive like that especially since it’s still winter where I live rn. And tbh I’m not even sure if I want to do that because we have never met in person or even talked on the phone etc. I know he’s not a catfish, but I feel like he’s tryin to fill a void or something since he’s sick. But he told me he loved me??? And I’m just like attention yes please??? (Why am I so needy and fucked up) but ANYWAY I’m rambling. I don’t know what to do. We (3/?)

Don’t really have that much in common that I know of, bc he doesn’t really talk a lot but I prob wouldn’t if I was in a hospital bed a lot under pain meds. I’m just super concerned. Like omg. I have family where he lives that want me there too, but I have my mom here and she’s the biggest helper with my little baby, since I’m living with her and my dad and sister again. I just don’t Know what to do. I wanted to move there before I got pregnant but again, timing. Ughhh help? Thank you for everything

No, thank you for the compliment & thank you for being wonderful.💗

That is a really tough situation! I guess you have to ask yourself what would benefit you & kiddo the most?

Your mom is your biggest helper & you’d be leaving that support behind, but if there’s family that lives in the same area as this guy, maybe they would help out? That’s something to consider.

& it sounds like you guys don’t quite have fireworks & I don’t know if I personally would move for anyone unless we had fireworks going on.

Plus, since you guys don’t know each other very well, I’d be careful of moving out to/in with someone, b/c you don’t know if they’re suddenly going to decide that what you guys have, your relationship or arrangement isn’t working, leaving you kinda stranded somewhere alien.

I certainly wouldn’t recommend moving without having spoken with him extensively, including but not limited to on the phone & some form of video calling. You need to learn who this person is before any big decisions are made tying you together.

Also, it sounds like you’re making that drive by yourself with a baby in the winter? You don’t sound confident about it, so honestly I’m leaning toward you don’t want to do it.

I assume one of the pros for moving out there was him offering you your own space, instead of living with your parents. But in the event, he ends up deciding you can’t stay there, would you be able to take care of yourself & baby?

The only advice I can really give is to ask yourself what you want & if it’s achievable & how that looks & does moving give you that, with the consideration that the offer comes from someone you don’t know well or even particularly enjoy.  

Also, whenever I have to make a decision, I try to think of what would be the most beneficial, what would make me the happiest, what decision would I be happy with in the long run.

I hope this helped. I’m sorry I can’t give you a concrete answer, but hopefully this will help give you something to think on that’ll help you find your way to what will work best for you.

Which of course is much easier said than done.

Feel free to message me directly if you’d like. I hope some clarity is on its way. 💜