#two skulduggerys aren’t enough

[whimsylueur]

Genderbent Skulduggery Pleasant that nobody asked for,

Bonny- beautiful, attractive, one letter away from bony

Legerdemain- in French literally “light of hand”

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Playing with a Coroner and a Detective is not wise - Skulduggery x Male!Reader Universe

Part 9 – The Vault

As they were outside, Ghastly and Skulduggery had their disguises back on and stared at something. M/n looked around quickly, but in a way, no one noticed, while his Sister started to panic. Then he saw the man and he pointed at him for Stephanie.

The man came to them, like he had all the time in the world. Stephanie came closer to her Brother’s side, who, was very close to Skulduggery. He looked at his Sister and gave her a calming smile. She didn’t return it.

“Mr. Pleasant, Mr. Bespoke..”, greeted the man as he reached them.

“Mr. Bliss”, they greeted back.

Stephanie inspected the man. He radiated out power. His pale blue eyes looked at her and M/n seemed to stiffen up slightly. Then his eyes went to M/n.

“And you two must be the siblings, which all the people are suddenly interested in.”

Stephanie couldn’t make a sound. She didn’t know, what she should have said, but she knew, her voice would have sounded high and thin, if she would have tried to speak. This Mr. Bliss had something on him, that awakened in her the wish, to get very small and cry.

M/n felt her unease and stepped in between her and Bliss, shielding her from him.

“Hey, whatever you are doing, stop it, yeah ? My Sister is at unease and that is not funny. If you use some stupid spell like this China, then stop it.”, M/n growled out slightly.

Mr. Bliss chuckled and looked at him.

“It don’t work on me, Sir.”, M/n deadpanned.

“Interesting...”

“I haven’t seen you in a while. I’ve heard, you have withdrawn from business.”, Skulduggery said, distracting all three of them.

M/n hated Mr. Bliss’ eyes. They seemed as empty as a void. No emotion left in them. He looked at Skulduggery.

“The Elders asked me to come back. We live in a time, full of restlessness.”

“Really ?”, Ghastly asked.

“The two men, that were watching Serpine, were reported missing two days ago. He is up to something, that the Elders aren’t supposed to know of.”

Skulduggery thought about that.

“Why didn’t Meritorius tell me anything ?”

“The truce is a card house, Mr. Pleasant. One little disruption, and everything falls into itself. And you are well known to make disruptions. The Elders hoped, that my interference would be enough of a scare, but I fear, they underestimated Serpine’s determination. They refuse to believe, that someone else could benefit from another war. And of course,, do they still believe, the Sceptre of Ancients, as a Fairytale.”

M/n looked at Bliss in confusion and wonder.

“So, you think the Scepter is real too ?”, he asked.

He looked at M/n.

“Oh, I know that it exists. If it can do all the things, that were told in the Legends, I don’t know, but as an object does the Sceptre very well exist. It was discovered in the youngest past, by archaeological excavations. As much as I know, did Gordon Edgley pay a high amount of cash, to get it into his possession, because it was a part of his researches for a book about the Faceless Ones. I think, he was determined to prove its sincerity, and after he succeeded, did he realize, that he can’t keep it, nor give it away. Gordon Edgley was with all his mistakes a good man, and if he had to assume, that the Sceptre had the destructible abilities, from which we’ve heard of, he surely had the feeling, that no one should own it, because it was too powerful.”

Stephanie found her voice now.

“Do you know, what he did with it ?”, she asked.

“No.”

“But you believe that Serpine is ready, to risk another war ?”, Skulduggery asked.

Mr. Bliss nodded.

“I think, in his eyes the truce did serve its purpose, yes. I can only imagine, that he waited for this moment for a while now, to seize the power, to uncover all secrets and get the Faceless Ones back here.”

“YOU believe in the Faceless Ones ?”, Stephanie asked.

“Oh yes. I grew up with that knowledge and I kept my belief in them since. Some of us just abandon the Stories, which are told about the Faceless Ones, others see them as educating fables and again others see them as bedtime stories for children. But I believe in them. I believe, that we were ruled by other entities once, which were so unbelievably evil, that even their shadows fled from them. And I believe, that they waited very long for their return, so they can punish our infraction.”

Skulduggery crooked his head.

“The Elders would listen to you.”

“You have to play by their rules. I found out, what I could, and gave all my knowledge to the only person, that knows, what to do with it. Everything else is up to you.”, Bliss replied.

“With you on our side, everything would be way easier.”, said Ghastly.

A small smile ran over Bliss’ face.

“When I have to step in, I will.”, he replied.

Without a ‘Good day’ he turned around and left. They stayed rooted there for a while until Stephanie spoke.

“He somehow was scary.”

“That’s what happens, when you barely smile. Mr. Bliss is, purely physically speaking, the strongest man on this planet. His strength tops everything.”

“So he is actually really scary ?”, she asked.

“Oh yes, very.”, Skulduggery confirmed.

They went to their cars.

“What do you think ?”, she asked Ghastly and Skulduggery as they arrived at the cars.

Skulduggery shrugged his shoulders, while Ghastly looked in deep thought.

“A lot of smart things.”, the Skeleton answered.

“Do you also think, the Sceptre is real ?”

“It seems so.”, Skulduggery said.

“If Mr. Bliss said it exists and that it was recently found too, then I do believe him. Bliss wouldn’t lie about that.”, Ghastly replied.

“So we have to get going and take a look at your collectibles now, right ?”, M/n asked.

Ghastly nodded.

“Why ?”, Stephanie asked her Brother.

M/n turned to her.

“Get your phone out and call me. We will drive to wherever Ghastly’s collectibles are and I will explain.”

She nodded and they got in. Then his Sister called him and he accepted, then turned on the speaker.

“Turn on the speaker.”

“Already done.”

“Okay, Skul, you drive first, so I just have to follow. Now listen, Sister. As this Bliss guy said, the Elders deny that there is anything wrong. They are too scared to do anything from assumptions and accusations only. They want evidence. We know now that Uncle G had the Sceptre last and that was most definitely the reason he was murdered. We need proof that it exists, so we need to find it and get our hands on it first, for that we need to find the key, which we still don’t know its location of. Last, but not least, we have to destroy it. We have to make the Sceptre nonexistent, and for that to happen, we need to go to Ghastly’s family’s collectibles, look through everything and try and find answers. There must be something that can tell us how to destroy it.”, M/n explained while they drove on the road.

“Okay...why do I have a feeling you are keeping something from me ?”, she asked suspiciously.

“Because I am thinking. Bliss said that two spies, which were on Serpine’s ass, went missing two days ago, just like that. I think I have to pay a visit to my workplace and ask my Boss about recently found corpses. I want to find out, if they accidently came into our hands. I will also have to re – inspect Uncle G’s body. I want to make sure that he was murdered and if yes, what I have to look for and if I can draw the same murderer to all three corpses, if the spies are there. That counts as evidence too, doesn’t it ? But I will need other people as my Team. I can’t work with my old Team on that. If they see anything suspicious, they will report it and I can’t make up so many lies that I will lose sight of my own truths.”

“But wasn’t Uncle embalmed ? That means everything is out, right ? Blood and everything.”, his Sister asked.

“Sis, I forbid them to do that, for this exact reason. The blood and everything is still there, which also means I will have to work with the stench the body will emit, but I have no other choice and it wouldn’t be my first time dealing with that either. Trust me, I know what I am doing.”

“God, Uncle hopefully won’t haunt you as a ghost.”

M/n sighed heavily.

“Like I said, if he decides to curse me, for disturbing him, so be it. I HAVE to figure this out.”

“Do you really think you have to do that, Corrupted ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“Yes, I do. We need all the evidence we can get, to wake those old people up from slumber land, so let me do, what I can. I didn’t study Autopsy for nothing.”

“Very well then.”, Skulduggery gave in.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

“How many people do you need ?”, Skulduggery asked M/n.

“At least three. Why ?”, M/n asked.

“I have someone in mind...”

“Who ?”

“Kenspeckle Grouse. He is a doctor and very smart. He might be able to help you. I would like to join too.”, Skulduggery answered.

“Maybe I should join too then.”, Ghastly mixed in.

“If you all go there, then I will too.”, Stephanie said.

“Sister, you won’t come along. You are twelve years old, for fucks sake. You don’t want to see cut open bodies and how I take out organs and run tests on everything. God, Mom would KILL me if she finds out that I let you even WATCH a series about such things ! You would get nightmares. Forget it.”

“I want to come along, if you won’t let me, I will tell Mom your actual job !”, Stephanie threatened.

M/n froze at that and glared at the road.

“IF you come along, you WILL listen to me, understand ? You disobey me and I will ground you for a long while. You got that ?”, he said darkly.

“Yep !”, she chirped.

“Good.”

“But how are Skulduggery and Ghastly going to hide their faces ?”, she asked.

“Let that be my worry. I have an idea.”, M/n replied with a smile.

Then he hung up and they continued to drive.

“What have you planned ?”, Ghastly asked.

M/n smiled.

“I never tested them on Mages before, so don’t expect it to work without flaws. Maybe I need to adjust a few things, but...I made something that project illusions over your body. The device is small and has a good battery. It can stay alive for over 12 hours, before you have to charge it again. I am unsure of what to call them yet. Maybe ‘cover up devices’ or something. You’ll love them, if they work.”

“Alright...but they won’t explode, right ?”

“They won’t.”, M/n replied, laughing.

“Then I am willing to try them out.”

“Good. Oh ! And please don’t tell my Sister that I am tinkering on stuff like this. It is bad enough that she knows that I am a Coroner. She doesn’t need to know that I am crafting stuff too...”, M/n muttered.

“Because she will blackmail you ?”

“Yep, one of the many things. The other would be her constantly asking me, to make her something she can gloat about... No thank you. As much as I love her, she can’t always expect ME to do everything.”

“Tough love, eh ?”, Ghastly asked with a chuckle.

M/n chuckled too.

“Very tough love.”, he confirmed jokingly.

“What else can you do ? You studied Autopsy, what else ?”, Ghastly asked.

“You will keep it a secret from everyone ?”, M/n asked back.

“Sure will. Now spill the tea.”

M/n chuckled.

“Officially I had three scholarships. One was Autopsy, the other was Mechanic and the last one was Robotics. I wanted to test myself, I suppose. I did all three of them at once and Uncle Gordon supported me. He was the ONLY one who knew. He arranged everything and all my scholarships were scheduled in one day. After I came home late at evening, I studied all three things at once, let Gordon test me and then I got, if I was lucky, at least two hours of sleep. I never really felt stressed or tired, even though I should have. At weekends I studied hard and slept longer, catching up on my sleep, but still, it should have been terrible, yet, it was entirely relaxing to me.”

Ghastly looked at M/n in awe.

“Wow, respect, Corrupted.”, Ghastly complimented.

M/n chuckled.

“What else did you do ? You said these three were ‘Official’. Was there anything that was unofficial ?”

“I mean, my driving license was. I learned sewing a bit too. I learned first aid and how to help in absolute emergencies, like, someone is bleeding out, I know how to slow it down properly. I studied a bit of medicine, I studied chemicals and liquids. I studied a lot in books, used rarely the Internet, and put my knowledge to tests. All of this, Gordon was aware of. He got me the books, he explained things I didn’t fully understand and he helped in a few things. Heck, he even taught me how to fight, stuffed me into boxing classes and another fighting sport, so I can defend myself. I guess, I learned a little bit of everything at this point. Even how to cook and clean properly.”, M/n explained, shrugging his shoulders.

To him it was no big deal, it never stressed him out. He could be put under immense pressure and he wouldn’t feel stressed. Ghastly though, was in utter shock and concern.

“Don’t you think, your Family made you do too much ?”, the tailor asked.

“Not really. Why ?”

“Well, most kids, like you, enjoy their free time a lot and don’t cope well under pressure and tasks all day.”

“Ghastly, I grew up way faster than other kids. And while it is true, that I rarely had free time, I was always asked if I was okay with everything they wanted me to do. I could have denied any time, but refused to. It’s not like they forced me. I always want to put myself under immense pressure, learn more and more interesting things and I want to find out where my limit is. Until now, I haven’t found it.”

Ghastly looked at M/n in worry, but didn’t want to poke around any further. He knew Gordon Edgley and he knew that he would never have put a child under immense pressure, if the child wouldn’t have asked for it.

Soon enough they arrived and M/n parked his car next to Skulduggery’s. They got out and M/n raised an eyebrow.

“It is hidden in the Museum ?”

“Yes, it is.”, Ghastly replied.

“How clever.”, M/n said dryly.

The two men chuckled, while the siblings were not that amused. Then Ghastly led them inside, with Skulduggery. They paid for it and then Ghastly led them away to a certain door. It was opened by Skulduggery and Ghastly entered first, then M/n and Stephanie.

Ghastly let a flame appear in his hand and together they all went down the stairs. Stephanie started to shiver, which M/n noticed. He put his left hand on her back and rubbed it. She looked at him and smiled a thankful smile.

Soon they entered a hallway, with heavy doors on both sides and they continued to walk, until they reached a door with a shield and a bear on it. Ghastly stood there and searched around in his pockets, after he found, what he was looking for, he fumbled around on the door. Soon it made a soft click and the door opened.

“Come on in.”, Ghastly said.

The three of them entered and Ghastly entered lastly. Skulduggery clicked his fingers and suddenly candles were burning on the walls in the chamber.

“Does all of this have something to do with the Sceptre ?”, Stephanie asked.

M/n looked around with wide eyes of awe. The chamber was filled with high stapled, heavy, thick books, artifacts, statues, paintings and wood carvings. He even spotted an armor of a knight on one of the walls, it was leaning on it.

“It all has something to do with the Ancients.”, Skulduggery told Stephanie.

Ghastly only nodded.

“That’s why there has to be something about the Sceptre too. That the chamber was so full, I didn’t expect though.”, Skulduggery added.

M/n snorted, while Ghastly gave Skulduggery a triumphant smirk.

“I had a very studious Family.”, Ghastly said jokingly.

“Won’t anyone hear us down here ?”, Stephanie asked worried.

“No one will. These Chambers are sealed. The sound seal is one of them. The other one is a very complex lock.”, Ghastly answered her.

“In other words, you could even scream bloody murder and no one would hear us.”, M/n deadpanned to his Sister.

“Oh, I knew that !”, she yelled at her Brother.

“You didn’t. You were confused as fuck, what a sound seal was. Even I could see it. And it’s fine, not many know what that is, I mean-”, he got interrupted.

“Well, sorry that I am not as fucking smart as you, asshole !”, she yelled slightly angry.

M/n looked taken aback at that. Ghastly and Skulduggery looked at them and Ghastly seemed worried. M/n’s shock and hurt only flashed for a second in his eyes, then he seemed cold and unbothered again, yet all three of them saw the short show of emotion. Stephanie covered her mouth in shock and regret.

“M...M/n, I’m sorry... I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t, right ?”, she asked softly, reaching out to touch his arm.

He jerked it away and took a few steps away from her. He looked at the floor.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”, he muttered and pulled his hood up.

He hid his face under it and then turned away from her.

“It’s not ! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know you just want me to understand things properly. You just wanted to help.”

“I said it’s fine ! Leave me alone !”, he said violently.

She shut up and took a step back from him. She hurt him badly with her insult. She never snapped at him before, she knew how sensitive he was to insults from Family. God, Stephanie wished she could wash her mouth out with soap right now.

“Let’s start looking around. The faster we are done, the faster we can get back to my home, figure out if the corpses are there, inspect them and then I can mind my own business.”, M/n said with a very soured mood.

Ghastly was worried for him. That was a low blow from his Sister and it hit him right in the heart.

M/n was silent the whole time, they have been down there. They discussed a painting and solved a little puzzle box, in which M/n was very interested in, but as soon as he saw his Sister looking, he looked away and ignored them. In the Puzzle box was an echo stone. Skulduggery activated it and there appeared an older man, they asked him questions, while he also talked a lot about other things.

He answered them their questions. Who made the Sceptre, who made the Crystal in it, if the Sceptre can be destroyed, if the crystal can be destroyed and where it may be now. As he said that if Gordon was a wise man, he would have brought it back to where he found it, or placed it to someplace similar to it, in Skulduggery’s head went up a light bulb and he knew where it was.

The Echo stone then lost all powers and the man, called Oisin, disappeared again. Ghastly was in shock. So the Sceptre really existed and Gordon really had it last.

They left the Vault and then the Museum. M/n just jumped into his car, turned on the engine and waited for Ghastly to get his ass inside the car. He was not bothering to talk with his Sister.

“I think you hit a very sensitive spot.”, Ghastly muttered to Stephanie.

She lowered her head.

“I know that I did so. He...Corrupted doesn’t care if someone calls him bad names outside of Family and friend circles, but if it was someone from inside that...if it was used as an actual insult, he gets really hurt. I was just...I HATE that he is so smart and I am so stupid. He has to explain the simplest things to me, yet...he never gets irritated to do so. I just...I was angry with myself that I can’t catch up as fast as he can and understand everything as well as he does. I snapped and accidently let it out on him...”, she muttered.

“He will be silent with you for a while, if I remember what Gordon told me about him.”, Skulduggery said softly.

“He will be. I might be ignored for a few days...”, she admitted in guilt.

“We’ll see about that. Maybe I can get him to listen to me and then we will see. He likes talking to me.”, Ghastly said with a small smile.

She looked at the tailor.

“You can try your best...”, she muttered and then got into the Bentley.

“See you at Gordon’s.”, Ghastly told Skulduggery.

The Skeleton nodded and then jumped into his car. Ghastly got into M/n’s Firebird and softly closed the door, then put on the seatbelt.

“Are you okay, Corrupted ?”, Ghastly asked calmly, as M/n started to drive.

“Just dandy.”, he said with a sour mood.

“Be honest with me, please.”

“She didn’t mean to. It happens, I also snap like that sometimes. I just need time to sort my emotions out. I’m fine, Ghastly.”, M/n insisted.

“Are they a rollercoaster right now ?”

“They are. I am sad, hurt, angry, and all I want to do, is hide away, right now. I need a bit time and then I am back to normal, no worries.”

Ghastly looked at him with concern and then looked at the radio.

“May I turn on the radio ?”, he asked.

“You won’t like the music. I have a disc inside with my own music. I don’t like the news, nor the music from there. They interrupt it always way before it is done playing.”, M/n answered.

“I think I won’t hate it.”, Ghastly assured.

“Do what you want, I don’t mind.”, M/n said, shrugging his shoulders.

Ghastly turned on the radio and almost instantly did a song play, Ghastly wasn’t familiar with. M/n knew it though.

“NCS and the song is called Ricochet.”, he said.

“NCS ?”

“No Copyrighted Sounds. They make Music that are not copyrighted, helps YouTube content creators to use it as background music or even memes, without getting in trouble.”, M/n shortly explained.

“Huh. But it ain’t bad. I thought you were into heavy Metal.”

“Hah, those times are over. I was into that as I was nine to eleven years of age.”, M/n said with a small smile. Ghastly smiled. At least M/n wasn’t all too soured anymore.

[bubblemoon66]

Thanks to everyone who responded to my poll. Enough people said they were interested for the fix exchange, which means...

Sign-ups for this year’s Skulduggery Pleasant Fic Exchange are now open! 

If you've participated before, feel free to head straight to the sign up page. Sign-ups close at the end of August, so make sure you fill in the sign-up form before then! Please let me know if you’re interested in signing up for a pinch-hit too.

If you're new to the fic exchange or just want a refresher, read on:

What is it?

A fic exchange is an event where you write a fanfiction for someone else and in return you’ll get a fanfiction written just for you. It’s basically a fandom Secret Santa.

For this particular exchange, you get to request 3-5 fanfics. A writer assigned to you will then pick one of these requests to fill. In return, you’ll be expected to write a fic that is at least 1000 words long based on someone else’s requests. As this is a Skulduggery Pleasant fic exchange all requests and fills must be related to the books in some way.

More information is available on the Rules and FAQ pages.

How exactly does it work?

Fill in this sign-up form before August 31st. This is where you list your requests and state what you will and won’t write.

You’ll then be matched with your recipient. You’ll receive 3-5 requests detailing what they’d like you to write. You get to choose which of these requests you fill.

Then it’s time to write! You get three months to finish your fic. Completed fics should be at least 1000 words in length, but can be longer if you wish. It should be based on your recipient’s requests.

Once you’ve written your fic, you need to submit it to the group. More info on how to do this will be given at a later date. All fics must be submitted by December 1st

On December 31st all the fanfics will be revealed. You’ll receive your gifted fic and your recipient will receive the fic you wrote them. 

How do I sign up?

You’ll need an AO3 account to sign up. If you don’t already an account you can request one via this link. You can also message @bubblemoon66​ for an invite code if you don’t want to wait for AO3 to send one out.  

Once you’ve logged into AO3, fill in this form. There are two sections:

The first part is the request section. Requests are the fics you’d like someone else to write for you. You will have to make between 3 and 5 requests. At least one of these must be ship-free. Writers are allowed to choose which of your requests they’ll write.

The second part of the form is the offer section. This is where you say what you are and aren’t willing to write. I encourage participants to include as much information as possible in this section. E.G. It’s worth making a note of whether you’re underage, up to date with the latest books or uncomfortable writing other people’s fan characters.

Further instructions can be found on the form itself but if you need any help filling it in please message @bubblemoon66​.

Is there anything I can do to help?

If you’d like to help, you can sign up to be a “pinch-hitter”. Pitch-hitters are people who agree to fill in for someone who drops out the last moment. It means writing two (or more) fics in exchange for just one. Pinch-hitters will have different deadlines and word limits to everyone else. If you’re interested in becoming one or want to know more please contact @bubblemoon66​.

You can also help be reblogging this post and telling your fandom friends to sign-up for the exchange.

[beigetiger]

Fletcher and Militsa actually play a role in my AU and I want to talk about them because they are incredibly precious to me. Rambling ahead:

Starting off by officiating that Militsa broke up with Valkyrie again on account of the evil god thing, they’re both very sad about it but Militsa is firm in her decision and Fletcher supports her in it.

Fletcher and Militsa aren’t dating (I headcanon Militsa as lesbian), their relationship is very platonic, but they do live together because it’s very crowded in Roarhaven and so it’s hard to get places to stay. It’s also safer because they can protect each other more.

Because really, they’re disaster besties. The world has pretty much ended and their ex is an evil god, they are not having a fun time and are trying to salvage what little of their life they have left. They mutually decided to not go work at the university because while it is safer, it also requires a sacrifice of morals and both of them are very motivated by being good people.

Currently, they both still sort of work as teachers, but they definitely don’t do so officially. Mostly they find empty spots in the city to hold little meetings that students can show up to and learn so that they get some form of education. Some of the other teachers from the school show up as well or hold similar meetings separate from them. The Sanctuary is working on a new education system since the old one kind of got messed up by…everything, but the two of them are doing their best to help people with what little resources they have.

Fletcher is a very jumpy guy who is also very protective of Militsa, and he stays by her side pretty much all the time. If there is ever anything that vaguely resembles danger, he will immediately grab her and teleport. He sometimes does this on a false alarm and Militsa doesn’t really like it, but she also understands that he has had everything stripped away from him and he doesn’t want to risk losing his best friend too.

I haven’t decided how long Valkyrie’s parents survive for in this AU, but if they make it to Roarhaven, than Militsa and Fletcher would absolutely help take care of them until they eventually die of old age. The two of them also took care of Xena until she died too, so really the two of them did a lot of tying of the loose ends that Valkyrie left behind.

Fletcher is eternally an optimist who believes that there does exist a way to fix Valkyrie, but he was absolutely appalled (although sadly not too surprised) at finding out that Skulduggery low-key emotionally blackmailed Valkyrie when she was a teenager. Militsa has more complex feelings but she is also horrified. However, she’s not quite as optimistic as her friend that Valkyrie’s situation is reversible

If the two of them were to survive long enough, they’d probably end up taking some other, likely most sinister job in order to survive (I’m considering bounty hunter) but I haven’t decided on what yet.

Until then, they’re just two sad best friends at the end of the world who’re trying to help those around them. I wanna hug them both.

[chamomileteainabuttercup]

beboots

How about Jangobi, with 4, 16, 36, 37?

Thanks for playing!  This one is a little bit of a challenge because, as I noted before, this is a ship I don’t really think about unless a particular gifset reappears on my dash and then I think about it for like fifteen minutes.  Getting it to work requires changing the plot quite a lot, of course, and I prefer to get the changes going from the very start of their interaction. 

4.  First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Temuera Morrison has noted that at the beginning of the scene, his “hospitable Māori” impulse was to offer Obi-Wan a cup of tea, but since he wasn’t sure they have cups of tea in space he decided to just stick to the script.  

So in my version, he does offer him a cup of tea and Obi-Wan accepts and so they sit down with their tea and it’s all rather disarming.  Obi-Wan is still highly suspicious of Jango (which is only sensible) and Jango is still playing everything very close to the chest, but the mood is slightly softened by the sharing of tea - and if they’re feeling lavish, biscuits too.  Obi-Wan’s head is full of questions, like “What sort of man is this?  Ruthless bastard, or perhaps not totally ruthless, given the little boy?  Was he involved in an assassination attempt on a rather good friend of mine?  What can I find out about all this cloning business from him without letting him know how little I knew in the first place?” while Jango has two main questions, “How much does he know?��� and “Am I going to have to do something about him?”  And he’d rather not have to do something about him, because he likes the look of him and this kind of cagey verbal game-playing is his idea of a bit of light fun.  Then again, he is a Jedi and they generally spell trouble - but there’s no reason not to enjoy being around him while the opportunity lasts. 

Oh, and while this conversation is going on, Boba is sitting on the floor nearby playing with his space Lego and every time Obi-Wan glances that way he’s looking daggers of suspicion at him.  Obi-Wan actually finds it rather amusing to be glared at like that by a cute little kid (he’s like an angry kitten) so he just smiles back and twinkles his eyes at him (Boba looks disgusted), and asks Jango how old his son is, and they agree that eleven’s a very nice age, before all the teen angst begins. 

Jango says calmly, “I’m not expecting to have much trouble with Boba,” and Obi-Wan replies, “Ha!  I wasn’t expecting to have this much trouble with Anakin,” so that gets them onto the difficulties and rewards of bringing up a bright and adventurous boy, whether as his dad or as a sort of older brother figure, and sharing stories about things Boba and Anakin have said and done, and before Obi-Wan knows it they’ve been chatting for an hour and he’s got completely side-tracked from finding out about clone skulduggery and has slipped into flirting with Jango fairly shamelessly.  Which doesn’t necessarily mean anything, Obi-Wan will flirt with more or less anything that can talk back, but he’s realising that there’s an awful lot of charisma about Jango and he’s beginning to feel fascinated. 

So no love at first sight, but in later years (because they do have later years together, Jango doesn’t lose his head) Obi-Wan likes to say, “You had me at ‘cuppa tea?’”

(but he really sealed the deal when he offered him a Tim Tam)

16.  Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?

To start out, Jango is keeping all sorts of secrets and lies freely whenever he considers it necessary, or just convenient.  It’s only gradually, as he grows to like Obi-Wan personally more and more, that he begins to want to be honest with him.  For a while they have one of those “frenemies who encounter one another occasionally and engage in flirtatious banter and/or homoerotic combat” type relationships, but over the course of the Clone Wars as they meet again and again they get into situations where they need to trust and help each other, and Jango has cut ties with the Separatists because he prefers to be a free agent, and Obi-Wan begins to hope that if he had a strong enough personal reason, Jango might want to lay off the shady business and... and there he runs up against the fact that he shouldn’t be thinking in these terms, he can’t have that sort of relationship with Jango any more than he could with Satine, he just really really wants to.  And at least Jango doesn’t have a philosophical or ethical problem with violence. 

Obi-Wan isn’t actually celibate, he squares it with himself that his flirtations and anonymous hook-ups aren’t deep attachments or possessive relationships and therefore they are within the letter if not entirely the spirit of the rules, and the first few times it happens with Jango that justification works, but it starts to wear thin when he realises how much he misses him after he leaves.  When Jango, thinking he’ll surprise Obi-Wan when he unexpectedly sees him in a bar, walks in on one such hook-up, he’s angry and upset and Obi-Wan is rather shocked and thrilled to realise Jango considers this cheating, that he cares  enough to have hurt feelings about it.  He’d been thinking of himself as emotionally compromised without quite realising Jango couldn’t just take or leave him.  That’s really the “Oh” moment for Obi-Wan. 

So after a while they’re not keeping secrets from each other, but Obi-Wan is working very hard to keep the relationship a secret from the other Jedi, including his closest friends, and telling a lot of lies in the process (there is at least one comedy episode wherein Obi-Wan is trying to sneak away to see Jango and Anakin is trying to sneak away to see Padmé and each keeps getting in the other’s way without ever realising there is sneakiness on the other side). 

Not to mention keeping it a secret from all the clones.  Boy, is that a weird situation. 

36.  What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

They have excellent chemistry and both love sparking off each other, verbally and/or more physically.  They always find each other exciting and interesting.  Not so much a weakness as an obstacle is the fact that Boba still really doesn’t like Obi-Wan and doesn’t need a stepdad and thinks he has stupid hair (that part really stings).  He’s always been the apple of his father’s eye and never had to share his attention with anyone else he really cared about, so his dad actually falling in love with someone makes him feel insecure and jealous and grumpy.  Obi-Wan’s attempts to win him over are complicated by the fact that he can’t actually explain to anyone else why he’s trying so hard to be nice to snotty teen bounty hunting prodigy Boba Fett.  Boba really enjoys holding this over his head - but will never actually drop the blade because, as little as he likes his dad’s boyfriend, he is just grown-up enough to realise it would really hurt his dad if he spoiled things for them, and he doesn’t want to go that far.

37.  How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?

That’s the big problem, isn’t it?  Crossing lines.  Obi-Wan has a very strong moral, religious and cultural code, and he can’t sacrifice that without undoing his whole sense of identity.  He can be dangerously complacent about the rightness of the Jedi Order and the Republic it defends and persists in believing that if Jango only understood more about the Jedi he would accept that rightness.  From his perspective it often appears as if Jango doesn’t have a moral code at all. 

From Jango’s point of view, yes he does, but it’s very pragmatic and based more on principles of loyalty and personal integrity than on adherence to any laws or rules.  If he’s true to himself and to the small circle of people he cares about, that’s all that matters.  He cannot and will not compromise on his duty to Boba as a father, and that comes before even all those complicated issues of Mandalorian politics - but those issues will inevitably cause problems for them too, particularly given that even if he’s been able to get over his romantic feelings for Satine as his feelings for Jango grew, she’s still one of Obi-Wan’s oldest and dearest friends and he doesn’t want her to be overthrown.  And of course Jango is far from the only person who might want to overthrow her. 

Somehow all this is going to eventually involve a lightsaber/Darksaber duel between Maul and Jango in the Mandalorian throne room.  Holy shit that would be cool.  Fuck yeah!

uhhhh I don’t know whether or how any of this gets resolved but there’ll be ANGST and STURM UND DRANG and other German words for heavy shit.

[lassieposting]

Any alive! Skulduggery hcs that you haven't shared? I live by your version of him tbh

Hi anon! I think I covered skug's backstory up to when he signs up to fight and then skipped ahead to when he meets his wife, so you can have the Early War Years

- so when we left skug, he'd been on the pirate adventure and essentially moved in with ghastly's family at age 16, and that's where he stays for the next three years. Ghastly's father introduces him to taking pride in his appearance, Ghastly introduces him to Hopeless, and Ghastly's mother Saoirse introduces him to three things: motherly love, household chores, and the back of her hand for swearing in the house. He settles into the family, flirts with the prettiest local girls, develops an allergy to manual labour, and starts Experimenting™ with Ghastly, who's absolutely besotted with him.

- at 19, he has his surge, and it's bad. Ghastly has his a few months earlier, and it wasn't pleasant, but Ghastly was always going to be an elemental. He was sick and achy for a few days and howling in pain for just one or two. Skug expects much the same: he hasn't used necromancy in years, and he's had the best elemental tutors his parents could find.

- But he's inherited an insanely strong necromancy gene from his biological father, and an insanely strong elemental gene from his mother, and his surge ultimately comes down to two branches of magic trying to destroy each other to be the last gene standing. His temperature skyrockets as the elemental gene tries to burn the necromancy out of him. What looks like black blood seeps from his eyes and his nose and the corner of his mouth. His veins go black as the shadows retaliate. It goes on for days. Ghastly's mother is beside herself trying to get water into him so he doesn't die of thirst.

- If he hadn't also inherited the extremely rare genetic abnormality responsible for magical ambidexterity, his surge would've killed him. But he did, so it doesn't, and eventually he comes out of it and spends the next six months or so just recovering.

- at this point, the sanctuary is pushing recruitment. Ghastly doesn't look twice at the posters, but skug does. Ghastly's whole world is his family, their farm, and his father's tailoring business. But skug's father is a diplomat, he's got extended family involved in the war, he was supposed to go to a fancy French university that ended up being burned down during an attack by some pro-Mevolent riots, he's had to field questions from smaller siblings about when - and if - their dad would be coming home. He's highly educated, politically savvy, and emotionally involved. He decides he wants to sign up to fight.

- Saoirse does her best to talk him out of it, but skug is skug, and he digs his heels in and insists this is what he wants to do. He's going to join the war effort.

- Ghastly and Hopeless think it over and decide to join up with him. Hopeless, because he's an idealistic young man looking for glory, and Ghastly because someone has to watch skulduggery's back and keep him out of trouble, or he'll get himself shot long before he gets to set foot on a battlefield.

- honestly, ghastly isn't expecting skug to last long in the army. Skug is a pampered spoiled rich brat, and he's about to be surrounded by people who will scream in his face and make him do drills and expect him to obey orders, and he thinks it will take a few weeks tops before skug wants to desert

- that is. Not what happens

- like. none of them like it very much to begin with. hopeless has never had to do this much exercise in his life, and he hates it. ghastly is lonely and homesick and just wants to go back to dublin. and their first CO decides he hates skug on like, their first day of training, because he's a smart-mouthed arrogant asshole who's never had to be afraid of anything but his own father, and he does not react well to being ridiculed during drills. skug's ego takes a good solid battering because the other enlistees don't appreciate being given extra chores as punishment for him mouthing off, ghastly has to crack some skulls to make sure he won't be bullied for his scars, hopeless doesn't quite fit in and gets some nasty ribbing over it

- but also? they've got untapped talent, all three of them. they end up black ops fighters for a reason. hopeless tops the class for intelligence and undercover operations, because he can become anyone. ghastly is strong and level-headed and does well under pressure. and skulduggery is a natural leader, a ruthless tactician, and has a tendency to pull off insane plans that would go horribly for anyone else.

- they survive basic training. they get sent into the field. and ghastly and hopeless find that they're actually pretty good at this. they earn the respect of the rest of their platoon. and skulduggery? he starts to thrive

- this is the era of wealthy aristocrats buying their way into leadership positions they don't have the experience or common sense to do well in. almost none of the lower-class soldiers have any patience for it, but as a fellow aristo Skug has the social standing to call them out on it, so he still has a habit of making enemies of his commanding officers. he resents being handed orders by men who are less than he is, less clever, less observant, less capable. he goes out of his way to prove that his way of doing things is better.

- and? it works for him, sort of. he gets promoted several times - first he's pulled out of the enlisted ranks to be trained up as an officer, then he makes lieutenant, then captain - partly because he's Challenging to deal with and partly because he's becoming incredibly competent. it's fairly common for skug to get a flogging (for disobeying orders) and a promotion (because it worked out well for him) simultaneously. he has quite a few stripes by the time he meets wifey. when he starts being given command of a squad of his own, he takes ghastly with him as his number two, and hopeless comes along for the ride.

- at some point, skug gets palmed off on then-colonel corrival deuce. it's phrased as "oh here i'll give you some of my best men", but corrival is experienced enough to recognise "god please take this one off my hands im begging you" when he sees it, and sure enough, he butts heads with skug almost as soon as they're introduced.

- by this point skulduggery's men have developed a reputation for being a bit wild, and they're very loyal to him, so corrival has his work cut out. but? he's got a bit of a different approach to a lot of his fellow officers, because he came up through the ranks himself. so instead of locking horns with skug and trying to flog him into compliance, he turns skug into his pet project, his protégé. he gives him a loose rein, defends his decisions to the higher-ups, and doesn't interfere too much with how skug runs his team, but he also doesn't tolerate backtalk, bullshit or cheek. he's the stern-but-fair mentor figure - the Captain Holt/Captain Pellew/Lord Wellington to skug's Peralta/Hornblower/Sharpe. and skug's never had a very involved father figure, because ghastly's father is massively introverted and his own was short-tempered and perpetually disappointed in him, so corrival trips his "kids want boundaries" switch and actually wins him over.

- corrival hangs onto him after that. as he gets promoted and moved around, skug goes with him, and by extension so do his team. corrival learns to use the sensible members of the group - ghastly and hopeless, then erskine - to triangulate skug and stop his temper getting the better of him. he's incredibly proud of his chosen men, and all three of them really come into their own under his guidance. skug turns down promotion a couple times because it would mean a change of CO, and he knows there aren't many people he'd take orders from anymore.

- and then skug meets wifey.

- when skug gets married, neither his mother or father attend. they don't approve of wifey or her pitiful dowry. they assume, as does kenspeckle, that he's marrying her to Do The Decent Thing because he's knocked her up, and his father reassures him that he doesn't have to marry the girl, just send her somewhere far away and send her money to support her brat, and this whole sorry indiscretion can be put behind him. skug is. furious. he was smart enough not to take wifey with him to announce the engagement, and he ends up having a screaming match with his father that ends with him a) walking out and b) getting disinherited. he marries her anyway, and despite mr and mrs pleasant senior snubbing the whole event, he's got a full complement of parents there all the same - ghastly's parents turn up, and so does corrival.

- it's a military thing - skug's in his military dress uniform, they cut the cake with his sword - the parade sword, at least, the one he's never actually used, they walk out of the venue through the sword arch and skug's team do the rifle salute. ghastly's mother drags him to one side, pulls him down by the shirtfront to fuss over his hair and try to make it lay flat, licks her thumb and wipes a smudge off his cheek, embarrasses him in front of all his friends. then corrival snags him while they're waiting for the bride, tells him off for not having perfectly shiny buttons, redoes his collar for him, and tells him, "You'll do" like he isn't about to cry a lil. he offers skug some whiskey from his flask "for courage" and without really thinking skug says he doesn't need it because he's never been so sure about anything in his life and corrival is just. he's fine. he's not choked up at all. stand up straight, boy, for god's sake.

- he also makes a speech ghastly still brings up hundreds of years later, because it's the soppiest the old man ever got with any of them. along the lines of "i never had a son, and if i had, i like to think he would've turned out absolutely nothing like you, because you are single-handedly the reason i am going grey several hundred years ahead of schedule. that being said, i couldn't be prouder of the man you've become; you are at least half as stubborn and annoying now as you were when i met you, and i think i can claim at least some of the credit." and then, to wifey, "as to you, my dear, you have freed me, this monster is yours now. to your health, and my heartiest hopes that your future children turn out like you, because one of him is plenty."

- wifey laughs until her sides hurt and she's wheezing. skug pretends he's offended. ghastly wolf-whistles noisily and gets clipped round the ear by his mama. corrival tears up a little in the middle of his speech and clears his throat to hide it. and when it's all over and they're about to leave, wifey thanks him for coming because she knows it meant a lot to skug, and he promises her he'll do his best to bring skug home safe and sound until this damnable war is over.

(he wishes he'd been able to keep that promise until the day he dies)

[a-funny-little-sunflower]

Playing in the snow with Ghastly Bespoke at Christmas time.

You and Ghastly have been dating for about 9 months and he finally decided to allow the dead men to meet you. You and Ghastly travel up to a resort in the woods for Christmas. Everyone is excited by the snow, so you go out to play and a snowball fight ends up breaking out. You and Ghastly fall asleep in the snow while being cuddled up to each other and you somehow manage to fall asleep.] grá mo chroí – means My beloved in Irish

It was a beautiful December day in Ireland. The snow was fluttering all around the windows of the car and the freshly fallen snow was only broken by the wheels of the black Bentley as it rushed through the snowy forest. You were on your way to a cabin resort that had been rented out for you, Ghastly and the rest of the Dead Men. You were so happy to be celebrating Christmas with Ghastly. It would be your first Christmas together and you couldn’t wait to meet the rest of the dead men. You had only been introduced to one other dead man so far and that was the suave skeleton detective currently driving you to this resort, Skulduggery Pleasant

It was a funny story of how you and Skulduggery had first met. You and Ghastly had just started dating and Skulduggery decided to see what kind of person you were. You had just gotten home from working in your art studio and as you walked in the front door, you spotted a well-dressed skeleton sitting on your favourite chair.

After staring at it for about a minute, you walked over to it and began inspecting it. Especially the suit. As you were about to touch the hat the skeleton wore, the skeleton suddenly spoke.“Don’t touch the hat.” You jumped back in surprise and let out a small squeal.

The skeleton seemed to be unfazed by this and continued. “Skulduggery Pleasant. I’m here to ask you a few questions about your relationship with Ghastly Bespoke.” You nodded dimly and shakily sat down opposite him. It took you a moment to reply, but you managed. “A-ask anything you like.”

After about an hour of talking to Skulduggery, you started warming up to him. He spoke kindly to you and you relaxed as the conversation continued. Eventually, Ghastly arrived for the date you had arranged. As soon as he laid eyes on Skulduggery, he looked like he was about to punch him. “Skulduggery…” Ghastly growled. A beat of silence passed as Skulduggery’s gaze locked with Ghastly’s before he jumped out the window, leaving you and Ghastly to your date.

After this incident, a glorious friendship had blossomed between you and Skulduggery, hence the reason you were sitting in his car. You were pulled from your reminiscing by someone gently touching your shoulder. You turned your head to see your beloved Ghastly staring at you. “Hey, we’re almost there, how are you feeling?” You smiled over at him and squeezed his hand. “I’m fine Ghastly, just a bit nervous about meeting the rest of the dead men I suppose,” you said.“You have no need be nervous, everyone will love you”. Ghastly said. Skulduggery decided to pitch into the conversation with his usual wit.

“Exactly. I like you so that means that you are a woman of a high standard.” You laughed at his comment before once again staring outside to the snow fluttering all around you. “We’re about 20 minutes away from the resort, so it won’t be long until you can stretch your legs. “You nodded in silent confirmation before continuing to stare mindlessly out the window. Your mindless stare became intrigued when the resort came into view. It was large, and its roof was covered in snow. Smoke was billowing out of its chimney and as you got out of the car, you could see the distinct outline of a Christmas tree through the window. You felt Ghastly put his arm around your waist as he led you towards the resort.

As you walked through the door of the resort, the smell of burning Christmas cookies filled your nostrils and a few seconds later the insistent beep of a fire alarm sounded from the kitchen. You and Ghastly shared an amused look before a man with well-toned muscles sprinted out of the kitchen waving a towel over his head like a maniac. “Good God Vex can’t you make one meal at Christmas time without burning it?” Ghastly said in a teasing tone.

The man known as Vex had his back to you as he continued waving the towel and soon enough, the smoke disappeared from the room. After the atmosphere was cleared, Dexter turned to you two. His eyes landed on Ghastly first and he had an annoyed expression on his face. However, when his eyes landed on you, his face had surprise and confusion written all over it. “Who the hell is that?” he asked. A tall man with a knowing look in his eyes entered the room “That is Ghastly girlfriend, so I wouldn’t be too rude to her in case you scare her off.” The man walked towards you and offered his hand. “Sacrean Rue, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said with a smile. Skulduggery voice echoed from behind you. “If Vex isn’t allowed to use rudeness to drive her away, you aren’t to flirt with her, that’ll have her sprinting away in fear.” Sacrean rolled his eyes and said, “I know she’s already spoken for, even if I tried to flirt with her, I’m pretty sure Ghastly here would have my teeth knocked out before I could even finish a decent pick-up line.”

“None of your pickup lines are decent, Sacrean.” Ghastly quipped before turning to you. “Sweetheart you wanna go get settled in now? If you unpack fast enough, I’m fairly sure we could get out to the snow before it gets dark.” That brought a smile to your face and as you turned to retrieve your bags, you saw that Skulduggery was already holding them out for you. You take your bags from him and he says, “You’re upstairs, at the end of the hall, call if you need help. Ghastly and I are going to intimidate the rest of the group into not bugging you with questions about your relationship.”

You look at Ghastly with raised eyebrows, but his only reply is a shrug of his muscular shoulders before walking off, Skulduggery at his heels. Vex lets out a sigh. “The worst thing is that they aren’t even joking about the whole intimidation thing.” He shakes his head. “C’mon Sacrean, you’re gonna help me try to salvage whatever is left of those Christmas cookies.” Sacrean gives him an exasperated look before saying, “The only thing left of those cookies is ash”. Regardless, he still follows Vex into the kitchen.

You turn to your bags. Although you did try to pack light, you know you’re gonna have trouble getting them up the stairs. Against your better judgement, you decide to try and carry everything up the stairs in the one go, and by some Christmas miracle, you managed to get to the top of the staircase without collapsing. You let your bags fall from your shoulders before moaning with pain.

That was difficult.

“Are you alright? You turn your head to the soft voice coming from your left. It’s a tall man with dark hair and you must admit, he looks like a mixture between a funeral director and a vampire. You give him a tired but kind smile. “I’m alright, these bags are just a tad too heavy for me, but I only have to get to the bottom of the hall so no point complaining. The man glances at your luggage before striding toward you and lifting your bags with practised ease. “Allow me to help you.” You are surprised by this sudden act of hospitality but none the less you thank him and begin walking toward your room. “So does the staircase maiden have a name?” He asks. “Oh! Where are my manners, I’m Y/N.” He nods before saying, “Anton Shudder. I believe you are Ghastly’s partner then?”

You give a little nod before arriving at your door. “This is me! Thank you so much for your help, Anton.” You smile at him before taking your bags from him and stepping inside your room, remembering to half-close the door behind you for privacy. The room had a comfy looking king size bed with curtains around it, a desk, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, but the most elegant thing in the room would have to be the fireplace. It was made expertly from marble and it was just begging to be lit. You were too entranced in inspecting the room that you didn’t notice Ghastly stealthily enter. You only noticed him when he wrapped his arms wrapped around your waist and put his face was in the crook of your neck.

“Enjoying yourself darling?” His sudden appearance had made you jump and the bag in your hand dropped to the floor on instinct. “Easy on sweetheart, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said softly. You turned around to face him and couldn’t help smiling when you saw his face and his soft expression. “You could never scare me.” You said as you wrapped your arms lovingly around his neck. This made him laugh before saying, “Well clearly I just did.” You smiled at him as you pressed your foreheads together. You stayed like that for a while. Holding each other. Staring into each other’s eyes. It was as if time had stopped. However, this peacefulness was interrupted by a banging at the door and a voice shouting, “Where’s the lucky lady!?” Ghastly’s reaction to this was to shut his eyes and groan in annoyance. “Go away, Larkin. It’s not the time.” The voice replied, “Why? Are you doing the mattress mambo? If you are, make yourselves decent cause I’m coming in!”

The door burst open and two men burst in. One man had beautiful golden eyes and the other had a large comedic smile on his face. The man with the cheeky grin stepped forward to introduce himself first. He offered his hand, saying “Hello, I’m Larkin!” You decided to take the man’s offer of a handshake and when you did, the sound of a whoopee cushion deflating filled the room, and Larkin's smile grew impossibly wider. “Whoopee cushion in the hand trick never gets old.” The man second man rolled his eyes at Larkin's behaviour, before stepping forward to introduce himself. He took your hand and kissed it. “Erskine Ravel my dear. A pleasure to finally meet you.” He said as he glanced up at you with those gorgeous golden eyes. From behind you, you heard Ghastly growl and you felt him put his arms around you from behind.

“Ravel, I thought we already had a conversation about this behaviour?” Ghastly said through gritted teeth. Ravel’s eyes met Ghastly’s and there was a standoff for a few moments. A standoff that Ghastly won. Ravel shook his head and said, “No need to turn all alpha male on me Ghastly, I’m dating Hopeless remember?” This didn’t convince Ghastly of anything and he pulled you to his chest.

“Hasn’t stopped you from flirting with every living thing to cross your path though has it?” Ghastly said his tone challenging. You sensed a fight coming and it seemed that Larkin did too because he was quick to jump into action. Larkin took hold of Ravel’s shoulder and began leading him out of the room. “It was nice seeing you two. Dinner will be in about an hour.” After Larkin managed to drag Ravel out, he shut the door and all that could be heard was the sound of retreating footsteps.

You turned to look at Ghastly whose muscles were still tense from bracing himself to throw a punch. You took his hand and turned his face to look at you. “Hey there gorgeous, we’ve got an hour to spare before dinner, what do you fancy doing?” He looked at you for a moment before a playful grin appeared on his face. “To be honest, I’m exhausted, and I fancy a nap.” A soft smile appeared on your face before saying, “Fancy some kisses with that? It would be a reward for not punching Ravel in the face.” He pretended to think about your offer for a few seconds before saying “That seems fair enough, and if you were wondering, I would have aimed to break his jaw.” You couldn’t help but laugh at this as you pulled him toward the bed. You kicked off your shoes and got under the covers for cuddles and kisses.

---------------------------

You were roused from sleep by Skulduggery softly shaking your shoulder. You rubbed your eyes and attempted to stretch but couldn’t because of Ghastly’s muscular arms keeping you in an embrace. When you looked up at Skulduggery questioningly it prompted him to say, “Dinner’s ready.” You nodded in confirmation and watched him walk out of the room. You turned to Ghastly to wake him up but hesitated. You longed to just lay here with him all day, but you knew that he would be disappointed if he wasted the day sleeping. To soften the blow of having to end cuddle time, you decided to give him his favourite wake up call. Butterfly kisses. You leaned forward and started placing soft kisses on his eyes. Eventually, he was roused from sleep and when he saw your face, he gave you a soft sleepy smile. He stared into your eyes for a moment before saying, “What did I deserve to get such a wonderful wake-up call?” You couldn’t help but laugh at him, every time you woke up beside him, he looked at you like you could create galaxies with a wave of your hand.

“Dinner’s ready my dear, we have to get up.” Ghastly groaned at this before rolling onto his side and put his arm over his face. “Do we have to? I just wanna stay here and sleep.” You rolled your eyes at him and decided that maybe you could tempt him. “Well if you don’t wanna come down I guess that I’ll have to play in the snow all by myself.” This caused him to take his arm away from his face and turn to you. “You wouldn’t dare…” A small smile appeared on your face. “Oh, but I would my dear.”Ghastly let out a breathy laugh before saying, “Alright, alright, I’m up.” He stretched out fully before pushing himself off the bed. You watched him for a moment before getting up and combing your hands through your hair in an attempt to make it look it presentable. You grabbed Ghastly’s hand and started walking down to the kitchen.

When you got downstairs, you were met with Sacrean eating mince pies in the living room while scrolling on his phone. You give a little knock to the doorframe to let him know about your presence and he looks at you like a deer in the headlights. He gulps down the rest of his pie and lets out a guilty chuckle. “Eh…. Nice nap…?” Ghastly shook his head at him and as he opened his mouth to speak, a snowball hit him right at the back of his head. You both span around to see Skulduggery standing there. There was a silent standoff for a moment before Skulduggery turned on his heel and sprinted out of the front door.

There was a sudden flurry of movement as Ghastly tore outside after Skulduggery and Sacrean let out what sounded like a war cry before darting outside after them. The war cries that Sacrean had uttered had everyone in the house responding to it because, in a matter of moments, every dead man was hastily pulling on coats and darting outside. You stood there in a state of shock and awe at the pure speed at which the dead men had run out of the house. You could hear the sounds of an all-out snowball war being waged. You could see snowballs being launched at fantastic speeds, then you heard it. Ghastly’s voice. “Y/N! Get out here! They’re pairing up out here and I need to have the best-looking partner!” Vex’s voice rang out, “Ghastly I don’t want to be your partner!” A chorus of laughter rang out as you sprinted out of the resort to meet Ghastly.

As soon as you got outside, you saw a scene of utter chaos unfolding. It seemed that people were already starting to form alliances. Larkin, Hopeless and Ravel were all on the one team, Anton, Vex and Sacrean were on another and Skulduggery was standing in the middle of it all. He looked to be on a team that consisted only of himself. But…. Where was Ghastly…? Out of nowhere, you felt someone grab your waist and haul your body backwords. At first, you thrashed and fought out of instinct but when you managed to crane your neck enough to see the face of whoever it was that had grabbed you, you saw a familiar scarred face. You locked eyes and you immediately relaxed in his arms. You allowed him to drag you back as you watched the chaotic scene of the snowball war unfold. Eventually, you felt Ghastly to bring you both to a stop and he pulled you behind a wall of snow that he had created. You both crouched behind it and began to create a game plan.

After a few minutes, you had a plan of attack. Ghastly run out and use his elemental power to manipulate the snow and air around him, and you would use your shield discipline to protect him. You pressed a kiss to his lips for a moment before he sprinted out and raised utter havoc, you kept your shield eyes on him as he caused snowballs to destroy every other dead man. Ravel was the first to get a face full. Probably revenge from earlier. The next two to go were Hopeless and Sacrean. Hopeless’ was thrown onto his back after Ghastly manipulated the snow from underneath him.

Ghastly’s next target was Larkin, who sensed he was next, and shape-shifted into you and begged for mercy. Ghastly took great pleasure in pelting him with snow. The remaining dead men – Anton and Vex- were doing their best to defend themselves but your shield held strong. Ghastly showed an evil grin and made a wave of snowballs appear behind. The look of utter terror on their faces would have you howling with laughter for weeks. You were mentally celebrating Ghastly’s victory before you realised. Someone was missing…. Skulduggery…

“Don’t move an inch.” Said a silky voice from behind you. You shuddered involuntarily. “Take down the shield protecting him…or else.” It was quite scary to hear Skulduggery talk like this, but you refused to show fear. “Never. This is my grá mo chroí we’re talking about.” There was a deadly silence between the pair of you as you stared out across the snowy ground. “If that’s how it is…” Suddenly his voice turned from a silky whisper to a powerful booming tone that could rival thunder. “GHASTLY BESPOKE OF THE DEAD MEN” He spoke as if he were addressing an enemy on the battlefield. “SURRENDER NOW AND I MAY STILL GRANT MERCY UPON THOSE WHO ARE AT MY FEET” Ghastly looked confused, what did he mean, at his feet? He was nowhere near him, then it hit him. You. He caught sight of your hair, just barely in view behind the snow barrier.

“Let her go Skulduggery!” Ghastly seemed to be leaning into this role of heroic knight about attempting to defeat the dark lord, and from how it seemed, you were the unwilling damsel in distress. “NOT UNTIL YOU SURRENDER! THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE BEFORE SHE DIES!” Shouts of “Don’t do it!” and “He’s bluffing!”, were made by the dead men, you even thought you heard Larkin shout “Wouldn’t someone think of the children?” Skulduggery raised a gloved hand threateningly. “Last chance, your love or your life. Decide now.” You and Ghastly shared a look, and you could see in his eyes that he was readying himself for an attack, the last stand of a dead man. In a sudden flurry of movement, Ghastly lunged forward with his elemental discipline flaring and ready to protect you, but in that same moment, Skulduggery pressed down on the back of your neck and hit a pressure point.

This pressure on your neck caused your entire body to feel weak, and for the shield around Ghastly to cave in, leaving him without your protection. You desperately tried to warn him, but your voice had abandoned you, and there was stopping him or warning him of the incoming snowball from the left. You watch, almost in slow motion, as the snowball hit him square in the jaw, with enough force to knock him flat. For a moment, there was a shocked silence from everyone, before a chorus of empathetic groans echoed from the rest of the dead men. In all the excitement, Skulduggery had loosened his grip on you, and you immediately seized the moment and lunged for your fallen protector.

You turned him onto his back, placed your hands on his face, and began to tenderly rub your thumbs across his scarred cheeks. “Ghastly, my darling, are you alright?” You were genuinely concerned as the snowball had hit him with great force, and for a moment, you thought he had been too hard. But you were soon relieved of any worries when his eyelids fluttered open and you were greeted by his loving smile. “I’m just wondering now that you’re here.” You couldn’t help the loving smile from breaking out on your face, you could never stay angry at your love for long.

“Alright fellas let’s get inside and leave these love birds to themselves, I don’t wanna know what they do in their spare time.” There was a trickle of laughter that floated around in the air for a moment as the dead men made their way inside to the warm cabin, but neither you nor Ghastly made a move to join them. Instead, you flopped onto your back beside him and cuddled up against him, closing your eyes as you rest your head on his chest, and to your surprise, it was surprisingly comfortable. So comfortable, that you barely felt the first snowflakes descending from the sky onto your embracing forms as you drifted off to the land of dreams, with Ghastly not far behind. ---------------------- When you awoke once again for the second time that day, the sky was dark, the stars were shining and both you and Ghastly were still in an unmoving embrace, but now you were also enveloped by a thick coating of snow, so thick you could barely move, and the flurrying snowflakes all around made it difficult to see the cabin. As you turned your head, you saw that Ghastly was still sleeping. And from the looks of it, he wasn’t going to budge by his own accord unless you put a stop to this madness.

So, with a herculean effort, you managed to shove away the snow that had previously entrapped you, and although your entire body felt brittle and stiff, still you persevered. You managed to get onto your knees and get some leverage against the cold ground. You allowed yourself a moment to stare lovingly at Ghastly before you placed your freezing hand on his shoulder and started to shake him awake. “Ghastly. Ghastly! Ghastly Bespoke! Wake up! Wake up!”

He awoke with a startled breath and a panicked look on his face. His eyes darted around, look for any sign of danger that could have warranted such a frightening wake-up call. “Wha- What's wrong?” You felt a pang of guilt for waking him so rudely, but it was necessary, there was no time for butterfly kisses now. “Ghastly, we’ve been out in the snow for hours! Just look how dark it is already, we need to get inside!” Your tone must have been urgent enough for Ghastly to take heed because before you knew it, you on your feet and walking towards the cabin.“I can’t believe we slept out there” he chuckled, he seemed to be amazed at the fact that you both managed to ignore the cold in favour of finishing your nap from earlier. “Well to be fair, we were wrapped up in each other’s arms, so that explains how we stayed in the one spot for so long.”

“Hmmm” Ghastly replied, “Well if anybody in that cabin has got any sense, they will have lit a fire for us.” You shivered in anticipation at the thought of sitting by a warm fire, heaven knows you needed it after that little snowy stunt back there. “Oh God, Ghastly don’t get my hopes up.” Ghastly let out his signature sweet laugh at this, it sounded smooth and warm like melted chocolate, and you shuddered at the sound of it.

“Sorry darling, didn’t mean to be cruel.” Ghastly pushed open the cabin door and stood to the side, waiting for you to enter first. “Beauty before bravery, darling” You flushed a tad at his remark and cheeky smile but entered first none the less. He shut the door after you and followed your lead to the bedroom. As you walked, you prayed to every deity you could think of that the fire would be lit, and fortunately for you, your prayers had been answered.

Waiting for you in your bedroom was a crackling fire, as well as some thick woollen blankets that were sitting at bottom of the bed. You quickly lunged for them, alongside some pillows, and brought them to the front of the fireplace, where you began creating a nest that would be large enough for both Ghastly and you. Ghastly managed to coax you to get changed before you settled yourself, and you were sure you had never gotten changed faster because before you knew it, the pair of you were cuddled in front of the fire.

The fire crackled like a sweet melody and you could feel yourself drifting off, but you were fighting it valiantly because you wanted to appreciate this moment with your sweetheart. Ghastly seemed to sense this and cuddled into it, almost as if he were trying to envelop you.

Ghastly gently nuzzled his head into your neck softly, and you could feel his gentle breath fanning your neck, it was a comforting feeling. “Darling close your eyes. Enjoy the fire and relax. I’ll be here when you wake up.” You couldn’t stop your eyelids from starting to slide closed. “There we go sweetheart, shut your eyes and sleep.”Your eyes shut completely and the last thing you remember before drifting off completely was the warmth of the fire and Ghastly pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.

[geckolady]

Skulduggery Pleasant: Raising Cain - Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - First day on the job

Stephanie woke up in the morning to an empty room but the sound of a lot of activity. She groaned, remembering exactly what a blubbering mess she had been the day before, but then she remembered that this was her house and her friends were here and they owed her a lot of hugs, especially now they were her brothers. How dare they be her brothers for – she checked her phone – twelve hours and she only got a hug from anyone but Skulduggery!

She stomped from the room and found them scattered in the hallway with various pieces of furniture and objects.

“Unacceptable!” She shouted at them. They all went silent and looked at her nervously. “How dare you!”

Dexter stepped forwards and put his hands up when she glared. “Stephanie, we thought you wouldn’t mind if we did some changes. We thought you would like it if you didn’t have to move home, you see, and we were moving out things–”

“Unacceptable! You did all this, made plans, and I haven’t even gotten any hugs. It’s not fair!”

She stepped forwards and clutched Dexter in a hug as tight as she could. “I love you!” She shouted into his chest.

He started laughing and hugged her back. “I love you too.”

She moved onto the others, getting better hugs as she went down the maturity scale, leaving her finally with Snake. “I got you a present,” he declared and looked around. His grin was replaced with a frown. “I lost it.”

Stephanie laughed and left to get herself breakfast since all they were doing was moving boxes into the bedrooms next to hers. When her stomach was full, she went back up to find the place clear of almost everything and the big man was carving names into some of the doors expertly. They were really nice – Erskine, Saracen, Ghastly, Anton. “Whose Anton?”

“Me,” he grunted.

She grinned. “I like that name.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ve always called you Bear.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I gave you all nicknames. They’re fun, and I was little when I did it.”

He nodded and got back to his work so she left him and used the bathroom at the end of the hall – there was one on either end, luckily, and the rooms were large enough that they were not actually that close to each other. She’d have to really shout to get someone’s attention if they were at the other end of the hall. When she was ready, she went downstairs to the living room to find her friends sitting in there looking quite at home. It made her smile. They looked like a family.

Her smile faded.

She felt a little excluded with them looking so happy and close. They knew each other from every angle. She couldn’t compete with that type of friendship, couldn’t dominate that type of love. Where would she fit now Gordon wasn’t here to help her?

“Steph!” Dexter said, spotting her first. “What are you doing standing around? Come sit.”

There were no seats so Stephanie dragged the bean bag into the middle of the room and sat in the centre. Gordon said she if she was unsure, get right in the middle. She was probably misunderstanding but she was doing it, right?

“What are we doing today?” She asked them.

“Well,” Skulduggery, Crow, said, “I think a talk is necessary before we do anything.”

Ghastly, Panda, nodded. “Your uncle wanted to wait but this is different.”

Crow nodded. “Usually I would try to respect Gordon’s decisions even when he is not around but in this case our hands are simply being forced. Stephanie, do you believe in magic?”

And that was how she learned about magic. About skeletons and mages and fire and Elementals and Adepts and that her uncle had tried to keep her from such incredible things.

“Why didn’t Gordon want me to know about this?” She asked, feeling a little resentful.

“Your Uncle wanted you to understand the repercussions of making life decisions before you had to make one. I know that it may seem like he held you back from this, but he really just wanted to make you happy.”

Stephanie mulled it over in her mind. She supposed that was possible. It sounded like something he’d said once, so…

“Okay. So what are we doing today?” She asked again.

“Well, there is one more thing we need to tell you,” Panda said, scratching the back of his scared head. “Your uncle…”

“He was murdered,” Stephanie said. The others were incredibly quiet and looked almost guilty. “Yeah… I sort of got the impression when you started talking about that Serpine man, and how angry you are, and how much you all hate him, and how he keeps killing people. It was suspiciously stressed upon. I mean, it feels like you sort of wanted me to work it out. But Gordon told me you guys take down bad guys all the time. So you’re going to track him down, aren’t you?”

There was a long silence. “Fuck, this is going to be fun,” Wolf laughed, standing and pulling Stephanie into his arms. “Come along little brothers, we have a case to solve!”

Stephanie laughed and banged her head against the top of the door frame and laughed even more, falling over Wolf’s shoulder and just sort of hung there laughing. They were followed out to the cars. Panda’s van was there and so was Crow’s beautiful Bentley.

“So,” Wolf said when they were standing in front of their options. “Do you want to go with Skulduggery and visit China for information or do you want to go with Ghastly and help him make you some awesome new protective clothes?”

Stephanie pretended to think about it. “Crow. But I want to help afterwards.”

“That’s my girl,” and she was let down to get in the car. Wolf opened the door and pulled down the front seat for her. “In you get.”

Stephanie looked at the car. She looked at Wolf. “No.”

He hesitated. “Why?”

“I call shotgun.”

He grinned and she almost grinned back. “But I want shotgun.”

“I called it first,” she informed him. “Now get in.”

He sighed but did get in and Stephanie allowed herself to grin. It was a silly victory, but it was so fun to boss Wolf around.

Crow joined them and the three drove into the city to a residential area to park. Stephanie wasn’t worried about the car as she was too busy laughing with Wolf as he showed her his purple electricity magic.

“Aww, come on Crow,” she said, looking over her shoulder. He looked grumpy. “It’s not all that bad.”

He shook his head. “I promised Gordon I’d raise you into a respectable young woman with good prospects and without bias. Dexter is ruining that.”

“Are you saying Wolf is going to ruin me?”

“Yeah, don’t be so mean to my Cub!” Wolf defended her, putting an arm around her shoulder.

“I will not be ruined by anything. I am quite happy here. I’ve wanted to get to know you all since I was a little kid and go on adventures and solve cases and have fun. I’m doing that. Isn’t that exactly what Gordon would have wanted?”

He sighed. “Of course,” Crow admitted. “But not like this.”

Stephanie didn’t have an answer to that. She just asked Wolf if he could electrocute her if he used his magic with his other hand if he was holding her. He laughed but she felt like electricity would flow through him to her – it wasn’t that bad of a question.

Crow went ahead of them into the dingy old building and the two made a ruckus laughing and joking about falling through the stairs. “You two need to quieten down,” Crow told them. “China won’t be happy if you don’t stop.”

“Whose China?” Stephanie asked.

“China is a lady I often go to for information. She is the most beautiful lady in the world and people fall in love with her on sight. She abuses that love and makes them bring her things for her collection. She owns a library, you see.”

“Oh. She doesn’t sound the nicest.”

“She isn’t,” Wolf said, more serious than she’d seen that day. “China isn’t to ever be trusted, but she is a good ally, and very useful for getting information. People talk to her you see. And one more thing before we go in,” he said as they stood in front of a man with a bow tie. “Do not tell anyone your name. If you do they can control you, remember?”

She nodded. “Never.”

“That’s my Cub.”

They went silently through the aisles of the library in search of the beautiful lady. Stephanie had been worried she wouldn’t know it was her but as soon as the woman was in front of her she could do nothing but stare entranced by her. She wanted to fall to her knees, kiss her feet, do anything and everything for her.

“China,” Crow said, “stop it.”

The wonderful creature laughed, making Stephanie think of little crystal bells blowing in the breeze, and the feeling of absolute devotion lessened to a minor obsession. “I’m sorry, I forget what effect I can have on new people, especially the young. Allow me to introduce myself: I am China Sorrows. And you are?”

Stephanie almost told her but Wolf squeezed her shoulder, where his arm still lay, and she shut her mouth again.

Wolf rolled his eye. “She’s too smart to fall for that.”

China grinned, and Stephanie felt she was being mocked. It certainly let her shake off a little more of the overpowering emotions she was feeling.

“Don’t you have anything for me today Dexter? Not even a hug?” China asked.

“Naa, this is my only girl now.”

“I see I’ve been replaced then, and I don’t even get to hear her speak. So, tell me, why are you visiting me today?”

Crow took over. “We have reason to believe Gordon was murdered.”

“By who?”

He was silent.

“Oh, no,” China said with a gentle laugh. “Not Serpine again? Skulduggery, you think Serpine is guilty of every crime you stumble across.”

“That’s because he usually is.”

“Well I still can’t help you. I have heard nothing but nonsense rumours that don’t even deserve to be called rumours,” she said with a smirk. “I imagine it would make you laugh.”

“What is it then?” Stephanie asked, getting annoyed at the back and forth.

China laughed. “The word is that Serpine has begun believing in fairy tales. In the Sceptre of the Ancients.”

Crow was silent for a moment. “Has he found it?”

“Skulduggery, dear, the Sceptre is a legend and nothing more. There is nothing to find no matter how much he searches.”

“If he’s looking it has some value.”

“That doesn’t mean it exists though, only that he has become more insane.”

“He doesn’t sound like a stupid man,” Stephanie said quietly. “If he thinks it’s real, there has to be a reason, and you said he was looking right? So, he has an idea of where it was. Does that mean he killed Gordon for it? Did Gordon have it?”

The adults looked at each other. “I think you found a lead,” Skulduggery said after a moment of consideration.

They left quickly, trotting down the stairs and out to the car. Crow called the others and put it on speaker, letting Stephanie hold the phone up for him while he drove to Panda’s tailor shop.

“What did you find?” Panda asked when he picked up.

“He’s searching for the Sceptre,” Crow said.

“How did you figure that out?” Weasel, who was really Saracen Rue, asked confusedly. “I never would have thought up that.”

“I didn’t need you to,” Crow said. “My partner in crime did.”

There was a short silence. “Why does she get to be yourapprentice? I want a prodigy too.”

Stephanie grinned and tried not to start giggling as all six men started bickering over her. Eventually it was too much, and she started laughing uproariously at them, making them stop. She could feel them get embarrassed and probably defensive, but it just made her laugh more.

“Oh, please, stop!” She choked out between her laughs. “I’m gonna pee.”

“No! Ghastly, she’s yours,” Crow said in a panic.

She snorted. “I’m not really.”

“She’s mine.”

“You never said about what I thought.”

“Ah, yes. Stephanie realised that Gordon must have had it in his possession at some point, or else had information on where it must be. That’s why Serpine killed him,” Crow said, working it through. “Remember the legends. There can only be one owner of the Sceptre. If Gordon found it after centuries of it being lost, then he was the owner. Upon his death, the Sceptre became free for the taking again, making Serpine able to take the Sceptre with no problems.”

“That means it must be in the mansion,” Stephanie said. “There’s so many trap doors and spaces in the walls, and he never let me in the basement or loft or most of the third floor, or the fourth at all. It could be anywhere in there.”

Crow nodded. “Exactly.” He pulled the car to park on a dodgy looking street. Crow told them they were coming to the shop and they hung up, Stephanie letting Wolf out the back at which point his protective arm returned to her shoulders. It was fun having a big brother.

The shop was grey and a little run down, like the rest of the area, but when they entered it was bight, open and nice looking, if a little like a bachelor pad that had clashed badly with silk, chiffon, tweed and every imaginable button, thread, colour and material. It somehow was still masculine, made better by the muscles on Panda as he run a black as night material through his sewing machine with tender care. She couldn’t help but grin.

“Where in the mansion?” Snake, really Erskine, asked when they had locked the door. They were sprawled around the room, leaving Stephanie the only person standing. They had even taken the table space. She sat, instead, on the arm of the sofa next to Anton.

“Under the mansion is a cave system,” Crow admitted. “Gordon said when he was looking for his home that it was the only place with a magic history – he only wanted one steeped in as much magic as possible – that had only a negative history attached to its magic. Of course, he loved the scandal and bought it, and said once that it had a cave system beneath it. He found a journal from the owner a year later and was raving that he got in and there’re magic creatures. I agree he could have decided to hide the Sceptre anywhere, perhaps to trick someone into going into the caves, but it doesn’t seem his style.”

“If Gordon loved magic as much as you say, and he has a magical cave system with magic security, why wouldn’t he hide it there? It sort of makes sense he’d decide that.”

“Precisely. The Sceptre is free for taking so long as you can get into the caves, so long as you can get passed the monsters and whatever other traps have been set up, if you can get out afterwards. It can be done, but can he do it before us?”

“Nope,” Stephanie said. “We have the house, we can get it today.”

“How do we get in?” Bear asked.

“We need a key. I doubt Gordon would have left that around the house,” Crow said, rubbing his bone jaw.

“So the key is to find the key,” Snake said, smirking. “Any ideas.”

They were silent thinking it through.

Crow cleared his non-throat. “Gordon said what I searched for was right in front of me.”

“Oh fuck,” Stephanie said, sagging. She got looks of shock and scandal, and a few winks. “Fergus and Beryl have the key.”

[facelessxchurch]

"staying fridged" what if Serpine took possession of all of his mu version's property, including the castle, and literally found her dissected in a freezer in the basement and just straight up sent her back in Scapegrace's ice cream truck

Unlikely. Neither of the Nef’s has ever been shown to keep trophies, curiously enough. That seems to be Mevolent’s and Serafina’s thing.

The reason(s) for this could be that:

Maybe his kills aren’t important enough to him to keep trophies. His victims are entertaining past times, but that is it, with no emotionale value attached.

Or he doesn’t want to leave evidence behind so he can deny everything to hell and back.

He thinks it’s gross and unhygienic (then again, his red right hand is even more grotesque).

He doesn’t like to live in the past and rest on his accomplishments. He is highly ambitious and has already set his eyes on the next price.

He did that during the war where he planned the assassination of multiple Sanctuary leaders at once but paying special attention to Skulduggery bc of what appears to be a personal grudge. Then he publicly burned their corpses impaled on stakes, destroying the moral of the opposition and swaying the tides of war for Mevolent in their favour.

In book 1 he only killed the people in the Irish Sanctuary. At the end of the book there was a line where it said other followers of the Faceless rose all around the world and attacked but retreated when Nef died which makes no sense bc Nef’s assault on the Sanctuary lasted like a day while the actual attack itself lasting a few hours at most. We didn’t see anyone showing up at the Sanctuary to help Nef once they heard he was attacking why would I believe any other followers around the world would start attacking or would even notice what was happening before it was over, especially with Nef having done a good job of killing all witnesses. Plus them attacking would mean they would no longer be protected by the Truce and in the following books there was no mention of any Faceless followers being arrested for their transgressions.

It would certainly make for a interesting dynamic between Nef and Vies. And Nef now working together with the good guys aka with Skulduggery would probably further enrage Vies and make it easier for him to convince people Skul is evil. Combine that with Vies finding out Skul is Vile and it could very well lead to him turning the general public against Nef and Skul. 

“Nefarian Serpine and Lord Vile, working together yet again. Two of Mevolent’s former general’s, two traitors, two war criminals regardless of what dimension they have originated from. They are too dangerous to be left alive and free.”

[prokopetz]

Hi! Do you know of any systems that would work for playing a game of "Suburbs and SUVS"? I really wanna roleplay a suburban mom named Karen.

Assuming you’re going with the “awful people doing awful things to each other” interpretation of the genre (and with a lead-in like that, I can’t imagine you aren’t!), you could probably knock together a Skulduggery playset easily enough. It has a couple of features that make it well-suited for a game about warring soccer dads and PTA moms:

1. Not only does it have a full-featured social combat sytem (which is, in fact, the primary combat system – actual physical fights are considered an optional rule), it has a literal type matchup grid for different argumentative styles; for example, Glib trumps Pure-Hearted, but is trumped by Obtuse, while Charming trumps Wary, but is trumped by Contrary, and so forth.

2. The game enforces awfulness by having each playset define a set of temptations to which player chartacters are prey, with each player character being ranked according to their resistance to that temptation; whenever the oportunity to indulge it arises, a resistance roll is called for. For example, if the playset defined “Pedantry” as one of its temptations, whenever the opportunity to nitpick arose, player characters would have to make a literal saving throw to resist the urge to go “well, ACTUALLY…”.

In fact, I’m going to go you one better than a recommendation – I’m going to call a brainstorming session. Another of Skulduggery’s key features is its use of taglines for resource management. In a nutshell, each player is randomly assigned a set of 2–3 bits of dialogue at the start of play, and in order to replenish their resources, they need to find excuses to deploy their taglines in situationally appropriate ways. For example, if you’re using a playset about over-intellectual pirates trying to elect a new captain (one of the included examples), you might hand out taglines like these:

“That was brave and magnificent – two qualities I loathe.“

“Rest assured that I betray my friends only after prolonged consideration.“

“On a tangential note, my gleaming cutlass hungers for blood.”

… while if you were using a playset about Congressional representatives trying to get their nominee for Secretary of State confirmed while avoiding mention of that little cannibalism incident (also an included example), you might distribute taglines like these:

“I used to believe that, when I was young and drunk.“

“If Washington is Hollywood for ugly, you’re a superstar.”

“Let me interrupt you right there. I don’t have anything to say, I just want to interrupt.”

So, folks, if y’all are game: let’s help the OP brainstorm suitable taglines for a “Suburbs and SUVS”playset. How ‘bout it?

(Taglines that imply the existence of particular characters and events – e.g., an incident involving the speaker’s alleged soccer prodigy – are fine, but no specific names or places. Gotta keep things flexible!)

[pastel-cryptids]

For the sp wlw prompts, maybe some China/Tanith? I feel like they’re such an underrated ship idea - maybe an au when Tanith is still being forced to be China’s bodyguard ?

Oh, you genius!!!!

(Ao3 link here)

   “You’re joking, right?” 

   Tanith sat beside Valkyrie, slowly sinking into her couch. Valkyrie stared at the woman drowning in her couch and shrugged. “Nope, not at all. China said you owed her and this is the only way to appease her.”

   Tanith groaned and sank deeper into the couch. “It was an accident!” she cried. “It was only one vase!” 

   Valkyrie, Tanith, and Skulduggery were visiting China’s new collection of magical ancient tomes and objects. The woman had dedicated an entire section of the new Sanctuary just for her new collection. Valkyrie and Skulduggery were visiting to question China and give her information on a new case. Tanith joined along because she was bored. China quickly dismissed anything the duo said to her and dragged them through the Sanctuary. She opened a large door that revealed an already large collection of tomes and objects. The woman proudly walked them through each hallway. Tanith had zoned out the entire time. She had little care for historical objects. She’d lived through a lot of it already, what was the point of relearning it? Tanith strayed from the group and stared at a shelf filled with vases and other pottery. They all looked the same. She was saved from her boredom when Valkyrie called her name. Tanith turned quickly and her scabbard slammed into a vase.  It felt as though the moment was in slow motion. Valkyrie ran to try to catch the vase. Tanith grabbed her scabbard tightly. China yelped and stared with wide, horrified eyes. Skulduggery stood there. As the vase shattered on the ground, China screamed. The woman’s piercing blue eyes stared into Tanith’s soul.

   “What did you do!?” The woman screamed.

   Valkyrie began to apologize profusely. China ignored Valkyrie and pushed past her. “That was a five-thousand-year-old vase. Do you know how long it took me to acquire this?”

   The only reason why Tanith survived that encounter was due to Skulduggery diffusing the situation. He shoved some cash at China and dragged Tanith out of the room. Valkyrie was still apologizing as she walked out of the room. Tanith was scolded the entire ride home. It was not fun.

   Valkyrie sighed. “Yeah, sure. But there was also the time where you sneezed some of her faerie dust away or the time you somehow set an entire shelf of her’s on fire. Oh, and the time you threw a genuine crystal staff out of the window. And the time -”

   Tanith waved her arms. “I get it, I get it. I’ve ruined a lot of China’s stuff. She kind of deserves it though…”

   Valkyrie shook her head. “I won’t argue about that.” She grabbed Tanith’s shoulders and pulled the woman up from the couch. She turned Tanith and looked into her eyes.

   “It’s only for three weeks, Tanith. After that, you will never have to interact with her again. Probably.”

   Tanith rested her head on her hand. “You really want me to do this, huh?”

   Valkyrie nodded. Tanith smiled and ruffled Valkyrie’s hair. “You’re lucky I like you, Val.”

   Tanith’s Prometheus level of punishment was being China’s bodyguard for three weeks. China wanted Tanith to do something else, probably something worse, but Valkyrie refused anything other than some form of a simple job. So, there Tanith was, being led by the Sanctuary’s billionth administrator. She was given a black uniform that she was forced to wear. It wasn’t leather, but it was comfortable enough. 

   China sat on her throne with her legs crossed. She towered over Tanith and the administrator like a giant. She stood from her throne and gave a cold, unfeeling smile. “You’ve arrived,”

   Tanith’s hands were behind her back, fiddling with the fabric of her uniform. “Yep,” She said, popping her p.

   The Supreme Mage walked down the steps of her throne. She stepped in front of Tanith. Despite being shorter than Tanith, China still had an aura of power. The woman cocked her head. “You should thank Valkyrie for your fair punishment.”

   “Oh, don’t worry, I did.” Tanith cleared her throat and looked up at the ceiling. Staring at China’s face for too long was a horrible idea. She flipped her hair and tried to act casual. “So, am I supposed to be doing anything important right now?”

   A smile grew across China’s face. “Oh, nothing serious right now. I’m about to access the Whispering, so you just need to stand here.” She gestured to the space beside her throne. China then grabbed Tanith’s scabbard. Tanith tried to protest, but China placed a finger over her lips. “The last time you had this tool of death on you, you destroyed one of my most important artifacts. I refuse to let you have this until I can trust you with it.”

   Tanith groaned in annoyance but allowed China to have it. She would prefer to survive at least one week with China.

   Standing still was pure torture for Tanith. China was currently using the Whispering during a meeting. Her eyes were closed and her body was terrifyingly still. Tanith thought that if a small draft blew into the room, the woman would blow away. It was both a hilarious thought and an odd one.

   It wasn’t a single minute when Tanith gave up on standing still and began to wander. The throne room wasn’t very interesting, so Tanith decided to mess with China’s throne. She climbed up the stairs and studied the intricate design of the throne. The marble was cold against her fingers. Her hand suddenly brushed against China’s and her breath hitched. The woman’s hand barely flinched at her touch. Tanith leaned in and studied the sigils on her hands. 

   Each one was carefully carved to perfection. Tanith’s eyes wandered to her arms. The designs were asymmetrical, yet perfect. Her hand reached out and traced the swirls that ran up China’s arm. Her fingers traced up to China’s chin where the sigils suddenly stopped. Tanith pulled her hand away from China’s lips.

   Tanith began to study China’s face. There was no doubt that China was one of the most beautiful women on Earth. Her bronze skin shown like gold against the sun. The sigils under her eyes complemented her face perfectly. Tanith gently traced her fingernail across the sigils. Bright blue eyes met Tanith’s green and brown eyes. Tanith’s face turned red and she pulled her hand away.

   “What are you doing?” The woman asked.

   Tanith held onto her wrist tightly. “Nothing,” she mumbled. “You were very still and I… was worried.”

   China arched her eyebrow and stood. “Right, well, know that whenever I am accessing the Whispering, I won’t be aware of anything around me. No need to stand in my face.” She walked past Tanith and began to walk down the stairs. She turned and looked at Tanith. “Aren’t you coming?”

   Tanith frowned. “I didn’t know I was supposed to follow you.”

   China burst out laughing and clapped her hands. Her laugh was like a siren’s melody. Tanith liked it. The woman’s wide smile turned small. “You’re my bodyguard, are you not? You’re supposed to follow me.”

   Tanith’s face turned red with embarrassment. “Of course,”

   China turned around again and continued to walk down the stairs. “Come along now, it’s lunch and I prefer not to be late.”

   The two walked through the halls of the Sanctuary. Tanith hadn’t been able to experience its full splendor. She stared in awe as they passed through each hall. Every few minutes, China would turn her head and chuckle at Tanith’s face. After traversing several flights of stairs, they reach a plain door. China taps a sigil on the wall and a soft click is heard. She opens the door and reveals a gorgeous greenhouse. Unlike China’s throne room, the sunlight in the greenhouse felt natural. The simple windows warmed her flesh and was calming. There were no mirrors reflecting the rays of sun into Tanith’s eyes.

   China sat at a black metal table, two plates of food rested on it. A bowl of chocolate-covered strawberries sat in the middle. China grabbed a fork and took a bite of the food on her plate. She swallowed her food and looked at Tanith. “Go on, eat. I didn’t order a second plate for no reason.”

   “You want me to eat with you?”

   “Do you want to starve?” China asked.

   “Well, no. I just thought I would have to eat somewhere else.”

   China smiled and shook her head. “No, most Sanctuary agents eat in their office. Since you don’t have one, I allow you to eat with me. For now, at least.”

   Tanith bit her lip to fight a silly smile. She sat at the chair across from China. They ate in silence. Tanith stared out of the greenhouse window and watched the birds fly by. It was pure luck that it happened to be sunny that day. She was getting tired of all of the rain and clouds.

   “May I admit something to you?”

   Tanith turned to China, who was holding a strawberry with her fingertips. Tanith nodded.

   “It was my idea for you to be my bodyguard. Silly, I know.”

   Tanith frowned. “Really?” Out of all of the things she expected of China, she did not expect the woman to give such a merciful punishment.

   “I was truly angry at you for destroying that vase. But I was more angry at myself for yelling at you. Out of all of the time we’ve spent together this century, we’ve just been bickering. Yes, we have fought together, but other than that? Nothing.”

   “Oh…”

   “What happened to us? We used to be so close.”

   Tanith’s mind wandered to the past. China’s hands running through her wild, coily hair. Lips mingling and eyelashes fluttering. Tanith grabbed a strawberry and bit into it. Despite the sweet taste, she was not distracted.

   “I’m being silly talking about all of this. You probably don’t want to talk about this nonsense, anyway.” China bit into her strawberry.

   “No, no! It’s fine.”

   China gave a sad smile and nodded. She stood and pushed her chair in. “Well, we better get back to work, yes? No need to spend our entire day talking about young love.”

   Tanith smiled and stood beside China. The woman glanced at Tanith. “You can have your sword back soon, by the way. I just need to do something with it first.”

   Tanith was slightly nervous about whatever China was going to do to her sword, but she decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. China tapped a sigil in the room and walked out of the door. She gave one last smile to Tanith before returning to her calm yet serious state. Tanith walked confidently. Maybe this bodyguard job wasn’t as awful as she thought it was going to be.

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Playing with a Coroner and a Detective is not wise - Skulduggery x Male!Reader Universe

WARNING!: Cursing, mention of murder, threatening AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

Part 8 – The Coroner is ticked off

Everyone was silent for a little bit at M/n’s outburst. Stephanie turned to the Skeleton.

“I told you not that long ago that he HATES meeting new people that quickly. He is on edge and you really provoke it. Do you WANT him to snap ? That side is ugly.”, she asked Skulduggery.

“I apologize, Corrupted.”, Skulduggery said softly.

“Shove it up your boney ass, Skulkin. You better explain why you dragged us here, because they obviously don’t understand anything. Nor do they know anything. I don’t like them, I want to get out of here and never see them again. Mostly this Meritorius guy.”, M/n growled.

“He didn’t hurt you, Corrupted.”, Ghastly said softly.

“I don’t care if he hurt us or not, Ghastly ! The fact that he thinks everything is fucking easy ticks me off ! Who is HE to tell US if we join this world or not ?! He ain’t my Dad ! My Father died YEARS ago ! Nor is he my fucking Mom ! She is dead too ! I don’t give a flying what he wants !”, M/n yelled angered.

“Corrupted...”, Ghastly tried again.

“Remember what I told you in your shop, Ghastly ?! You understood ! This man obviously doesn’t ! He rather sends us to our fucking graves ! Hell no ! No way in hell am I going back to my old life, only to be murdered, by one of his out of control, freak accident mages ! He can fucking SHOVE it ! I ain’t fucking crazy !”

The Elders stared at M/n in shock. He was pissed.

“Before he losses the last bit of control he has, let me ask Skulduggery something.”, Crow said carefully, to not piss M/n off further.

Skulduggery perked up and looked at her, while M/n stayed silent, his glare never leaving Meritorius and the other two Elders. Then they started to ask him about any evidence about the truce being in danger, as he reported. He said that M/n and his Sister were the evidence, which made the Coroner even angrier. He explained that they got attacked twice by the same mage at the same night and he was after some key.

They asked about the key, but Skulduggery was avoiding the question and accused Serpine. They kept pressing for the key and he let out that they believe it might be for the Sceptre of Ancients, which didn’t make them believe him. They started to argue about it that Serpine was innocent and Gordon wasn’t murdered, nor the Sceptre exists. Skulduggery lost that argument obviously and M/n was very close to snap.

“As for these two, we hoped that they were very much on the edge of our world.”, Meritorius said.

“They won’t tell anyone.”, Skulduggery said quietly.

“That may be, but if they take one more step into our world, they might never go back. We wish that you think clearly about this, Skulduggery Pleasant. Think about, what that will mean.”

“Okay, I’ve had enough in this stupid shit. Talking about us like we aren’t even here ! Now listen here ‘Grand Mage plus extra luggage’ !”, M/n started outraged.

They stared at the boy, who pushed his Sister to Ghastly, who held her softly by the shoulders. M/n got closer to Meritorius and pointed a finger at him.

“YOU nor Pleasant have a say in what me and MY Sister choose to do. I think you were deaf a second ago. WE got ATTACKED and almost KILLED TWICE by one of YOUR dumb MAGES ! He was sent by someone he called his MASTER, that little kinky shithole ! He was ready to KILL us and I LIVE in that DAMNED house ! If I go back NOW, that Pisshead, whoever it is, will pay me a visit one day and KILL me SUCCESSFULLY ! YOU can’t keep your own fucking MAGES in check and expect US to go back, forget about everything AND DIE ?! What in the ever loving fucking hell is WRONG with you, man ?! Either you are too old to give a shit about this, or you are just plain stupid ! Sure we go back to our lives and get fucking KILLED thanks to YOU ! How about you fucking shove it ?!”

Everyone stared at him in shock and silence.

“How about YOU go back to YOUR normal life, without Magic and forget about everything, huh ?! See how you like it ! I don’t care if you are a Grand Mage, someone who is that stupid, doesn’t deserve MY respect ! You have to earn that, old man, and obviously you have a VERY long way to go ! You want us to go back ?! THEN FIND THAT FUCKING MASTER AND GET THEM KILLED ! Otherwise, I will NEVER go back ! You have three hours to find him, if you don’t, I AM FUCKING STAYING, MOTHERFUCKER !”

Ghastly went pale and Stephanie did too. Tome and Crow were in absolute shock and Meritorius looked beyond taken aback.

“YOU HEAR ME ?! YOU FINALLY HEAR ME, BITCH ?! THREE HOURS ! YOU DON’T FIND THE MASTER UNTIL THEN, I WILL STAY IN THIS FUCKING WORLD ! NOT MY FAULT, YOU ARE INCOMPETENT, TO KEEP YOUR MAGES IN CHECK ! I RATHER STAY ALIVE, THANK YOU FOR ASKING AND CARING !!!”, M/n screamed in his face, outraged.

Then he took heavy, fast breaths.

“To tell ME and MY SISTER what to do...WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ?! You heard that we were threatened TWICE already and you insist that we go back and DIE while that PISSHEAD it still out there and walking FREE ! You say MY UNCLE WASN’T MURDERED ! Yet you never saw human doctors do their sloppy work ! They could have been paid to lie and you DARE to CLAIM that there is NO EVIDENCE ?! How about you FUCKING SHOVE IT, OLD MAN ?! YOU KNOW JACKSHIT ! We aren’t in the 18th Century anymore, where everyone did their job without any errors ! Wake up from that belief and that fast ! Get a reality check, you hear ?!”

“Let me to him...he is gone. He will say something he will feel bad about for a while...”, Stephanie told Ghastly.

“You let my Sister close to me and you are the next person I will scream at, Ghastly !”, M/n threatened.

Ghastly kept a firm grip on Stephanie.

“I am not gone, Sister, I am just rightfully pissed off with this ignorant Mage in front of my fucking face ! If I would be gone, I would have beaten the crap out of him ! Like that fucking psycho mage that DARED to lay his NASTY PAWS on you !”, M/n snarled.

His glare never left the Grand Mage.

“I went apeshit as that fucker hurt my Sister. The Pisshead broke in and tried to KILL us. I was ready to murder him and he didn’t see that one coming, you hear me ? I don’t care if that Serpine twat is the Master or not, all I care about is that the Master is getting killed. And if you won’t do anything about it, then I fucking will. NO ONE attacks my Sister and gets away ALIVE. YOU don’t believe in the Sceptre, I say, we at least follow any lead we fucking HAVE. It is better than nothing. The rumor is going around that Serpine looks for the Sceptre and if that is true, you should take it at least a bit into consideration, if you are the fools with a painted smile or if he is. Rumors are also a lead and I better follow it, otherwise we just sit around, twiddle our thumbs and unexpectedly DIE. Who cares if it is the Sceptre, maybe it is a cover up and you honestly sit on your asses and WAIT for something bad to happen ?! How many Humans and Mages will you let perish, until you wake up ?! How many human deaths will you put under a rug and claim, died of natural causes, to make yourself feel better about and so you can sleep at night ?! Look me in my fucking eyes and tell me if I am joking ! Tell me if I am taking your Bullshit ! Tell me what you see, ‘Grand Mage’ ! Go on !”, M/n dared Meritorius.

The Elders saw a fire in M/n’s eyes that told them that he is more than pissed off. But that fire said more than that. He was determined, protective and he doesn’t hate them. He fears for everyone’s safety. This boy, saw more than they can imagine. Then M/n looked at Tome.

“And YOU give me a VERY bad gut feeling. I better not figure out that you are involved with anything bad, otherwise I will go batshit on your Bitchass. Capiche ?”

Tome nodded quickly.

“Good.”, M/n said in a brat mood.

He looked at Eachan again.

“How come Ghastly understands me and you, someone who is way older than him, doesn’t ? Is it your pride or your stupidity ? My Uncle didn’t die of natural causes. I know so, but if you want evidence, I will inspect the body myself. I ain’t a pussy. But then you have the right to shut your mouth, about us and joining your world, and you better think of a damn good apology, for claiming that my Uncle died of natural causes at his young age. He wasn’t eighty for fucks sake.”

At that he turned around and went to his Sister. He stood two feet away from her and then opened his arms.

“Hug. Now. I’m pissed off.”, M/n said with a pout.

Stephanie smiled softly, shook her head and Ghastly let her go. She instantly pulled him into a tight hug and he hugged her back.

“One day you will get in trouble with all these insults you throw when you are angry or stressed.”, she muttered.

“I will have it in control soon, but he pissed me off beyond reason. Like honestly, who is the Crack head here ? Me or him and his extra luggage ?”, M/n asked with a huff, feeling his blood cooling down and his anger rapidly dropping.

Skulduggery looked at M/n and the boy knew the Detective wanted to give his mustard to this.

“Go on, you bag of bones. I don’t give a fuck.”, M/n said.

Skulduggery turned to the Elders and opened his jaw.

“And that was a pissed off Corrupted. I hope you learned to not piss him off again, cause that was actually scarring to witness. He was not joking around.”

“He sure wasn’t...”, Morwenna agreed.

“Noted.”, Sagacious answered quickly.

Meritorius stayed silent. Then he sighed and looked at M/n. Stephanie knew he wanted to tell M/n something, so she parted from him and turned him around, to face the Mage.

“I...deeply apologize, that I offended you, Corrupted. I just thought it was better for you two to return to your normal lives.”

“Meritorius, with all due respect, even though you don’t deserve it from me yet, my ‘Normal’ life is more fucked over than this world could be. Murder plots and Magic ? Is that all you can offer as threats ? What about crazy, psychopathic Scientists ? What about people that snatch children away and use them for their own experiments or pleasure and later on you find their corpses somewhere, mangled beyond recognition ? What about psychos that would love to use you for their own gains ? Ever thought about that shit ? The normal life, is just as fucked up as this one probably is. Maybe even worse.”

The Elders stared at M/n in shock. The Teenage boy gave a sad smile.

“Has its perks when you’ve already seen it all and heard it all.”

“Oh my...”, Morwenna said softly.

M/n shrugged his shoulders.

“Humans are just as much Monsters, as Mages with bad intentions are. The only difference ? Mages have Magic at their disposal. Humans have everything, but that.”

Stephanie hugged her Brother from behind, worried for him.

“Now I would like to leave and follow any lead Skulduggery has, so we can start to rule out stuff and make theories what the key is supposed to do, where it is and what it is supposed to unlock.”

“Of course. Thank you for coming and be careful, yes ? Please think about this very clearly if you want to stay after this is over.”, Meritorius replied.

“I already decided. What my Sister wants, is up to her. I will not influence her to follow my lead or to listen to me. She can choose her own path. I am not her Mother, nor her Father.”

With that M/n left the room, Stephanie said her bye and followed after her Brother quickly. Ghastly and Skulduggery followed quickly after them.

“Can we now go to the vault ? And next time you pull shit like this, Skulduggery Pleasant, I will have your skull and lock it away. Let’s see how you will talk with no head and jaw.”, M/n said with a sour mood.

“Of course, let’s go.”, Ghastly replied.

“I understood, Corrupted...”, Skulduggery muttered.

[mittensmorgul]

I’m rewatching 13.15, A Most Holy Man, right now, and... and I remember when it first aired. The reaction was largely “meh,” or “the noir format doesn’t really do it for me and the episode was kinda boring overall.” It’s possibly the s13 episode I have the least amount of posts for on my blog. It was largely skimmed over as mostly irrelevant, with the only takeaway being:

A. They got the macguffin they needed to progress the A plot by the end of the episode

and

2. They really should’ve cut that scene of Dean going on about how he’d kill everyone who tried to steal his car...

But... this was a Dabb episode. I wrote this post back in May, but I think it merits an additional look now:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184946657745/so-im-still-out-ahead-of-the-tnt-loop-but-i

Because this single episode functions as a microcosm of their entire lives, at least thematically, if not in a 1:1 fashion. I mean, it is just a 42 minute episode. There were only so many twists and layers they could reasonably shove in, and the Rule Of Three is a convenient metric for demonstrating the pattern in narrative shorthand that invites us to consider the unspoken “etc. etc. ad nauseum” ourselves.

I’d go into the entire structure of the episode, but I’m hoping that just explaining the outcome-- after reading the post I linked above-- everyone will be able to see the parallel itself without me having to write 5k words on the subject today. :P

Let’s start with the exchange at the end of the episode that prompted this realization. Because it’s a bit of chicanery:

FATHER LUCCA: I think I got shot. [DEAN lifts up FATHER LUCCA’s shirt to see only a little blood.] DEAN: Looks like he just grazed you. A few more inches to the left and, uh... FATHER LUCCA: It’s a miracle. [SAM and DEAN, with FATHER LUCCA behind them, search the warehouse and find GREENSTREET still hiding.] GREENSTREET: I didn’t know this would happen. I… I’ll give you anything you want, huh? DEAN: The blood, where is it? GREENSTREET: It, uh… doesn’t exist. SAM: You… what? Wait a second. You told us– GREENSTREET: Exactly what you wanted to hear. It was just a bit of… DEAN: Chicanery? GREENSTREET: Exactly. DEAN: Well… chicane this. [DEAN punches GREENSTREET to the ground.] ACT FIVE EXTERIOR – WAREHOUSE – NIGHT [There are police cars outside the warehouse. A policeman leads GREENSTREET to a car and sits him inside.] GREENSTREET: No, no, no, no. Wait. Don’t – you – you – you’ve made a mistake.

For a refresher, Greenstreet was the author of this entire bit of chicanery. For a while, it appeared as if it was actually each of the other people involved:

Margaret Astor, the first person we meet, and also the one APPARENTLY holding all the cards when they walk into the final deal, who ends up backstabbed (well shot in the back anyway, close enough) by her own assistant

she sent them to Greenstreet, who introduced the term “chicanery” to the narrative, which I’m gonna focus on next, because despite all his plotting, his narrative didn’t end the way he wanted (he’s getting hauled off to jail, but heck, at least he didn’t end up dead like most of the rest of these conspirators...)

Greenstreet sent them to Scarpatti, with the partially true information that he’d been the one to have the artifact stolen in the first place, only to learn that it had been stolen from his man in turn...

(and remember, the skull isn’t actually what Sam and Dean need... it’s the currency they believed they needed in order to trade for what they DO actually need... it’s a bit of a chicane... which I’ll get to... sorry for this meandering on the way to the conclusion, but this little side journey is 100% relevant... you’ll see what I mean in a minute)

While investigating Scarpatti’s side-detour, they end up having to investigate a murder, and inadvertently stumble over Father Lucca Camilleri... but Sam and Dean have no idea that they’re now traveling through this episode with the thing THEY actually need. But rather than just... take what they need because that fact hasn’t been revealed to them yet, or even continue to pursue the currency they believe they need to trade for the elusive thing they need, they selflessly choose to do the morally right thing despite believing that in doing so they are forfeiting their chance to get the macguffin they need.

Ain’t it just Winchesters vs The Cosmos on a microscopic level?

Because one thing I’ve learned about Dabb as showrunner is that his absolute favorite thing is gleefully pointing back at canon and explicitly clarifying things. It’s not always obvious, he tends to be incredibly subtle, but if you’re looking for it, it’s impossible not to see in pretty much all of his writing. He LOVES messing with prior perception, and making us work for the satisfying moment where all the pieces fall into place.

Chicanery and the chicane. THAT ITSELF IS A CLARIFICATION. From vague to specific. Because “a chicane” is a very different thing than “chicanery.” And it’s all a bit of a winding deception.

For reference, the definitions of these two very different words:

chi·can·er·y /SHəˈkān(ə)rē/ noun, the use of trickery to achieve a political, financial, or legal purpose. "an underhanded person who schemes corruption and political chicanery behind closed doors" synonyms: trickery, deception, deceit, deceitfulness, duplicity, dishonesty, unscrupulousness, underhandedness, subterfuge, fraud, fraudulence, legerdemain, sophistry, sharp practice, skulduggery, swindling, cheating, duping, hoodwinking

and

chicane (/ʃɪˈkeɪn/) noun, a serpentine curve in a road, added by design rather than dictated by geography. Chicanes add extra turns and are used both in motor racing and on roads and streets to slow traffic for safety.

What the definition of “chicane” doesn’t provide is that in auto racing, a chicane isn’t seen as a “safety” measure, but an obstacle. If you’ve ever watched road racing, the chicane is where a lot of drivers wipe out. It’s a choke point where everyone HAS to slow down, but when you’re RACING each other, the objective is to remain out in front, you know? Jockeying for position, trying to get through the obstacle as quickly as possible to get back to direct racing toward the finish line. So while a chicane literally slows the racing by design, forcing drivers to adapt to the physical reality of safely navigate through the pinch point while not wrecking themselves, they need to maintain absolute focus to retain their position, as well. It’s not about slowing down for safety but about finding the balance point between “safely navigating through without wrecking myself or being wrecked by the other cars trying to achieve the same objective I am” and “but we’re still racing and I can’t let anyone pass me so I’m still gonna push it as fast as I can while still conforming to the laws of known physics.” It’s... difficult.

THREE TIMES in this episode, they use the word “chicanery” before Dean clarifies it to “chicane.” For reference, out of the other 306 episodes of this show that exist at the time of writing this post, they’ve used “chicanery” a grand total of ZERO other times. Seems significant, yes?

In the same way the show has frequently used Wizard Of Oz imagery to convey these same points, with the reminder in the end of the “you had the power inside you all along” sort of themes, this episode takes it one step further. Which... logical considering the nature of the spiral narrative, that when it comes around again, the circumstances aren’t exactly the same. Think of it in terms of that racetrack with the chicane.

In the case of the plot of this episode, a similar comparison can be drawn to The DaVinci Code, since through most of the wild goose chase running through all the games and puzzles, the guy is literally traveling with the object he seeks. It just doesn’t become obvious, like with Dorothy and her Ruby Slippers, until they’ve worked their way through all the puzzles and subterfuge along the way. As Dean says in Scoobynatural when Sam points out that if he knows how the episode ends, why don’t they just get to the point already, and Dean replies “Because sometimes it’s about the journey.” Rather intuitive meta observation about the point of the narrative structure, yes?

Back to our road race analogy now, after passing through the chicane chicane. Every lap, the drivers are driving through the same essential course. The shape of the road doesn’t change in the most fundamental way. The same parts are still paved, the walls around the edges don’t move, etc. But each time they drive around, other conditions vary. Their tires wear down so their traction changes. Heck, the drivers themselves are wearing out physically and mentally. Maybe a dude’s just thirsty or has an itch on his nose or just has to pee real bad. Maybe the wind speed or direction has changed. Maybe the sun has moved so different turns become more tricky with a glare in their eyes. Their engines are slowly shifting as wear and tear of operating at a high performance level alters performance. Their brakes might be wearing down. They may be in need of more fuel and are driving more conservatively, or may have just gotten new fuel or new tires or made some other alteration to their car that shifts not only their ability to go faster, but changes how they handle corners, etc. But there’s also the factor of all the OTHER cars driving around them. Maybe they’ve hit the chicane all by themselves because they’re out ahead of the pack (or trailing far behind it). Maybe they’re clustered tightly together with other drivers. Maybe there was a wreck that altered the road surface... cleaning up fuel/oil spills, sand or dirt having “spilled” out onto the road surface, maybe a slight drizzle started making it more slippery, or even random trash has blown from the stands into the road, or debris from a wreck-in-progress hampers their progress. There are SO MANY FACTORS at play that make each lap around the course an entirely different experience, you know?

Same with the spiral narrative. The major landmarks might be similar, but everything else is new.

And the moment Dean says “chicane this” and punches the author of this series of events in the face, that’s basically 14.20, yes?

They’re tired, and they’re on the last lap, and they’ve been through this chicane so many times now. And they’ve just been told that after every lap, Chuck refused to wave the checkered flag. They kept reaching the finish line over and over, only to discover it was also the starting line and the race was still going. And each time through Chuck’s big chicane, he’d deliberately change those variables, so the more experience they gained on the track, there’d always be a bit of new debris to navigate, a new difficulty level added.

And now in 14.20, it’s like they finally caught him in the act of throwing thumbtacks down on the road, you know? They caught him at his tricks.

And like, to use a favorite metaphor of Dabb’s, it’s like the roadrunner and the coyote. Only the roadrunner had always known all along that the coyote was laying traps for him and always found the most hilarious ways to foil the coyote’s plans and turn it back around on him. It took them 14 seasons for TFW to finally pull a roadrunner.

This has always been Dabb’s ending, because it’s actually the story he has been telling all along. The spiral’s broken, and instead of continuing lap after lap with no end in sight, they’ve finally realized they can just... stop driving in carefully paved loops and drive in a direct line to the finish.

(and maybe the only way to make it to the finish is to pave their own road around all of Chuck’s chicanery... it’s gonna be some heavy lifting and some rough off-roading, but it’s the only way to get off the track to victory lane)

(apologies, this is the sort of place my brain goes when Mr. Mittens is watching nascar at Road America in the background... but it’s super apt, and full disclosure, I started writing this about an hour before he turned the tv on. I was already on this road course >.>)

[constanzemachiavelli]

The Ritual Complete (Lord of War, Part III)

Zhango was working relentlessly over the last 5 days. As soon as the blood touched the altar for the orb, it started glowing. Zhango restrained the 2 other researchers that happened to follow the academic Maxime and tended to the orb. Some words illuminated on it, that said “God” and “Struggle”, and “Knowledge” and so on. He couldn't make sense of it, but assumed it said something about divine knowledge. Something, that the Master would require once it appears. He kept working diligently, tending to the orb, providing it more blood over the days, and once Maxime was dry, he sliced wrists of the two boys and bled them for their blood, keeping them alive while chained to the walls of the temple.

But on the sixth day, the orb started to gradually shiner brighter, as if something was approaching. Zhango made all the preparations once he noticed it. He tidied the temple and made sure his two prisoners... no, on remaining one... didn't spill any blood on the ground. That would make a mess Zhango didn't want!

He stayed up over the night, expecting the arrival soon. He was ready, very, very, very ready to meet the one being he worked his entire life to bring to him and... he never really thought about what would he want out of it. All he knew is that he has devoted his life in this struggle and he will make sure it follows through.

And on the seventh day, in the afternoon he heard a horse galloping closer and closer... that isn't something he had expected. He had expected a divine arrival, from the skies or... or... or some kind of a portal! This was surely some enemy coming closer... so he hid behind one of the pillars and prepared his hook.

He heard the horses coming to a halt and 2 people talking... one of them said “I sense... something.”

Tanef entered the building.

Upon enter, she was welcomed to a... sight. There were cndles litting up the walls and it looked well maintained, as if someone was still here, living here and taking care of this place. To her right she saw a horrifying sight – two men, chained to a wall half naked. Upon closer inspection, one of them seemed to be deceased. Both of them had terrible scars along their bare arms. One of them seem to have noticed Tanef and silently, through a whisper, said “please, help us!”.

She resisted the impulse to immediately go and help and kept looking around. She noticed that the temple was divided in two parts – a central circle and an outer circle, separated by another circle of pillars. Thurn entered behind her and also noticed the two chained up men and went immediately to help them, while Tanef started circling around the pillars, looking if there is anyone here ready to cause harm.

But through the pillars, she caught a sight of something that threw off her attention. An altar with a shining orb. She was completely enthralled by the sight and entered the circle. She lowered her swords and touched the orb. The light coming out from the contact blinded everyone in the temple.

Zhango saw what had happened. The strange intruder came and touched the orb... then everything went white and the orb was gone, and the stranger was lying on the ground. The orb was nowhere seen! Its light should be penetrating whatever cloth there would be! That only meant that... the stranger! It's Master! It did come!

He ran to the centre and went to help the stranger.

“Master, are you OK?” he called, shaking them.

“Hnnrg... ” the stranger murmured.

“Who are you! Get away from captain Tanef!” a booming voice sounded the entire temple.

A large warrior, almost as tall as the entire temple, wielding a massive great sword, had come into the middle, threatening with his sword Zhango.

“Are... are you with Master? Are you their servant?”

“What master are you talking about, cultist!” the warrior boomed. “Get away from her, or I will slice you in half!”

“I... I was only performing a ritual... to call Master here. And she had come!” Zhango stuttered, knowing full well he would never be able to defeat the large man.

“Are you the one responsible for dragging Tanef all the way here? Explain your actions, and stop calling her master!”

“I... I... conducted a ritual to call Master here and... and then she came and... combined with the orb. It's.... it's an orb of knowledge. Y...you will see. She will know what I am talking about!”

Tanef was finally rising up, still quite unconscious from the connection with the orb. She looked to the left and saw Thurn.

“Thurn, what am I doning on the ground? Did someone attack me?” she said

The warrior, Thurn, answered: “Probably. There is this strange man that claims he had... called you here.”

“Call me...? Right... I came here with a pull, some kind of call. I... I was bedridden for 5 days and then I came here...” she looked to the right. “Are you... Zhango? Why do I know you...?”

Zhango knelt down with his head down. “Yes, my name is Zhango! As I guessed, it's an orb of knowledge. Master, you will know the secrets of the universe if you let yourself be connected with the orb!”

“The orb! Where did it go! I need to find that orb! Damn Erchidnei... he stole the orb from us!” she jumped up and rose her swords towards Zhango.

“Do you work with Erchidnei! Answer me!” she yelled.

“I don't know anyone by the name of Erchidnei! Please, you connected with the orb, it didn't vanish!” Zhango explained, scared for his life.

“Tanef, please calm down. Erhcidnei isn't here. You haven't seen him in almost 3 years.” Thurn pleaded, lowering his sword.

Tanef fell unto Thurn in a hug, nearly crying. “I don't want to go back to the cell. He stole everything from me. Please don't let Erchidnei take me again.”

“It will be alright... it was just a nightmare, like always.” Thurn hugged her back.

“Is... Erchidnei a demon? A rival of Master?” Zhango said.

“Leave captain alone. She has suffered enough by your antics!” Thurn said. “We are going back to the fort, don't worry Tanef.”

Tanef nodded her head and followed Thurn out of the temple. They talked to another person outside, about preparing horses and heading back to... Havyn... whatever that place is... They said something about a fort? Fort Havyn it must be then. Zhango will seek it out and follow his Master and learn everything there is to know about the universe and his beliefs.

                                                           ***

Shirra was standing atop the tower keep, looking around in the distance with her arbalest. She didn't really like being in a position of command as one of the officers in the mercenary band, especially because it was so unearned, she got the positions only because she was a friend of Tanef, came there and founded the band with her. The many recruits came later. She believed some of them earned the position more than her. She probably should have followed Hornhrug rather than stay here, she didn't enjoy at all having this sort of responsibilty. But where else she would go? She was a freak like the rest of them stuck in this place. The only person resembling her was Tanef herself, but she had a different skin so it made her quite uncomfortable. She came from a land inhabited by wide variety of races – humans (Bengirs in her language), her own Mountehrs (known as elves in the common tongues as Tanef explained) and many more. This land had none of it! Only humans, like Thurn.

This land was horrendous and she didn't like it. Bland, colourless, full of treachery and skulduggery. Just atrocious!  She wanted to leave this land as soon as possible, but they couldn't find the portal Thurn left this land and met up with the rest of them. And when he returned, it was 300 years in the future and the land had changed beyond recognition, so finding the place was basically impossible!

She kept looking to the north, looking for any sign of movements that could show an act of war from the northern Reval realm. She lost herself in thought so much, she didn't notice the army coming from her other side! When she finally looked over, the army was already here! It was clearly the Amelgalian army, marching in a collumn that spanned for a few miles. She ran down to meet up with commanders, because they would be clearly called to arms.

Greeting her was General Maximillian and head councilman Roge. They exchanged formalities and gave a scroll of orders to give to the band's captain. Shirra hailed the commander and left to fetch her Falcon and send out a message beginning with words: “War has come.”

                                                        ***

Evening had come and Thurn was riding south along the path with Loth following. Tanef was in his arms, asleep, but murmuring in her dreams.. or nightmares. He was thinking through about what had happened, about the mad man that had supposedly conducted a ritual to call her here. Could he be a reason for Tanef's growing power? What did he do to her? Hre memories usually didn't come up while she was awake, and they definitely haven't caused her to act like this before.

A falcon came from the east. Thurn caught it, clearly Shirra's. He took the message from the bird's leg. He read the contents.

“Tanef, we aren't heading for the fort. We are going for Reval.” he said.

[the-foxes-fangs]

I Wish I Was the Moon: An Interlude

Requested by the wonderful @otomediary, a complementary ficlet set in the same story line as this fic with Sasuke and Mitsuhide discussing MC and modern culture while she’s away in the present <3 

Warnings: Mitsuhide doing his Mitsuhide threats

                                    •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

They were, as had become their custom over the weeks, seated across from each other over a low fire in a cold musty hut with the early spring wind coming in through the cracks in the wall and alternately blowing the smoke first one way and then another. 

“It’s not for me to repeat what was told to me in the spirit, if not the strictest promise, of confidence.” Sasuke said with what passed for a moody expression on his face. His eyes had a defiant glitter behind the glasses he had only recently reacquired after giving his word to faithfully assist in the effort to alter history enough to bring her back. 

Mitsuhide sat loosely, elbows resting on his knees, fingers locked together thoughtfully and narrowed his eyes as he watched the sparks dance off of the damp firewood. “You’ve already agreed to change history, and yet casual information is where you draw the line? Why, I hate to insinuate that your priorities are wildly misplaced, but it certainly looks that way from where I’m sitting.” 

Sasuke pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose peevishly, and studied Mitsuhide intently. “Call it calculated self-interest, a posture which you, of all people, should understand. If your plan--” 

“Our plan.” 

“The plan in which I have become an unwilling participant, then.” Sasuke answered wryly, adding, “regardless-- If it succeeds, then you can ask her yourself. If it fails, then I won’t have betrayed the trust of a friend.” 

“A noble sentiment, but you’re forgetting the circumstances,” Mitsuhide countered lightly. “Had I known her secret before you failed to persuade her to stay, I might have asked many questions to better secure her happiness.” 

“Before I failed--” Sasuke sputtered indignantly, “I miss the worst part of my day being a drawn sword in my face.” He finished moodily. 

“You have only yourself to blame, you know. If you had persuaded her to stay until I was conscious, you wouldn’t be a hostage now. Curse your own lack of forethought, not me.” Mitsuhide replied with a fond smile. 

Sasuke had an almost expressionless face, but his body, particularly his hands, spoke quite clearly. Trained ninja or not, his gestures were unique enough to be obvious after a day or two.

“You’re relentless, aren’t you?” Sasuke asked with an irascible gesture. 

“Me? Why, I’m as diffident as a shikimi flower.” 

“How is it that an insinuated threat is so much more threatening than an overt one?” Sasuke muttered to himself. 

“Was someone making threats? How terribly impolite!” Mitsuhide said with a sardonic grin. 

“Omfg. Ask what you want. I make no promises that I’ll answer, though.” Sasuke said, sharply. 

“Oh-Em-Eff-Gee?” Mitsuhide asked curiously. 

“That’s one I most certainly will not be answering, so move along.” Sasuke answered, waving smoke out of his face as it changed directions with the breeze. 

“Finally, you’re talking sense,” Mitsuhide said pleasantly, adding, “did you actually come from the same town as her?” 

“Not... exactly. Yes, in that we both traveled from the same location, but also no in that we aren’t originally from the same town.” Sasuke answered, hands resting loosely on his lap in a way that indicated honesty. 

Mitsuhide looked at him curiously, considering which line of inquiry to pursue-- it was obvious enough why Sasuke would’ve sought her out, and even why they might have become such fast friends, but not why he would’ve chosen to stay when she left. He rose and banked the fire, and then resettled himself, deciding to leave that issue where it lay. 

“Then where is she from?” He asked. 

“Pass, that information is of no use to you.” Sasuke responded, flatly. 

“Of course it is, all information is of use to me.” He shot back. 

“I’ll give you non-specific answers only.” 

“Alright, without specifics if it makes you feel better, what was her life like?” 

“Well, it would’ve been unrecognizable to you. She’d have focused on education almost from birth, and she would have been in school longer than anything else.” 

“Temple school?” Mitsuhide asked with surprise. “I knew she was well educated, but given her awful calligraphy, I didn’t think it was formal.”

“Not exactly temple school but something just as formal, and you shouldn’t base your assessment on calligraphy, that’s a secondary subject at best in our time.” 

Mitsuhide tried to picture her in the classroom of a school as he knew it, but there was clearly a frustratingly vast gulf between his imagination and the actuality. He pushed aside the dull ache in his heart at the thought of all that he might never hear about it from her, and pressed on as the tapping of rain punctuated his reverie. 

“Then what kinds of things would be primary subjects?” He asked thoughtfully. 

“Mathematics, reading, foreign language, history-- clearly not her best subject-- geography...” Sasuke listed, before Mitsuhide interrupted him with an exclamation of surprise. 

“Is that typical for a woman in your time?” He asked with intense curiosity. 

“Women occupy a different place in society from what you’re used to, so yes.” Sasuke settled his glasses firmly on the bridge of his nose, drawing himself up slightly, and continued.

“Which is another reason that I, for the record, encouraged her not to get too attached to anyone in this time. She’s used to, and deserves, a level of respect and autonomy that’s unheard in this era. She’d never be content to be relegated to the domestic sphere and left trapped there, and would certainly not tolerate the life of a concubine.” Sasuke said, speaking more forcefully than usual. 

“Do give me some credit, squirrel, her eccentricity is one of her finest points as far as I’m concerned.” Mitsuhide answered with an impatient gesture. 

“Stop calling me squirrel! I’m going to start calling you moose!” Sasuke snapped at him, arms folded across his chest. “I’d have thought that if your ambition was to take the Shogunate, you would be in need of a powerful alliance with a politically useful wife.” 

“You do know so many absolutely fascinating foreign words. Anyway, ambitions change. Besides, she can always be adopted and given a rank conducive to marriage.” 

“I won’t even ask what skulduggery you intend to use to make that happen. If she comes back, I fully intend to use the fact that we both speak the same extremely foreign language against you. Mark my words. And don’t take it for granted that you’re just going to marry her if she returns. You have to ask first.” Sasuke said tartly. 

Mitsuhide raised an eyebrow at him. “Ask who? It’s not as if I can seek an audience with her father.” 

“Her, of course!” 

“Well of course, but I can’t see why she wouldn’t--” Mitsuhide said, and stopped when Sasuke held up his finger, eyes gleaming as he folded his arms and took the posture of a lecturing teacher. 

“I’m only telling you this because she’s my friend. The proposal of marriage in our time is firstly between the two parties in question, and the one doing said proposing is expected to go to considerable lengths to demonstrate their love and devotion to the proposee, as it were.” Sasuke interjected, fixing him with the critical eye of a disapproving brother. 

“How considerable, exactly?” Mitsuhide asked, with a great deal of curiousity. 

“It varies, but generally it should involve some place especially romantic and significant to the couple, and, in case the person being proposed to wishes to decline, should not be done in a way that draws too much public attention, rings must be selected with special care--” Sasuke said, ticking off each point on his fingers as he spoke. 

“Rings?” 

“Yes it’s a modern custom. The couple exchange rings and wear them as a public expression of their commitment to each other, generally gold, often with a gem of some sort, or an inscription.” 

Mitsuhide stroked his chin thoughtfully, mind already racing with plans. 

Sasuke stared at him and shook his head. “You get this terrifying glitter in your eye when you stop talking and start thinking, and somehow it’s even worse that it’s faintly romantic. I never could imagine Caesar looking at Cleopatra until I met you, and frankly I still wish I couldn’t.” 

“Only heaven knows what gibberish you were just speaking, I certainly don’t.” Mitsuhide answered offhandedly. “I do wonder how she’ll explain her absence to her household.” 

“By my calculation, she should have returned to almost the same moment plus or minus no more than a few hours. Either way, she lives alone, so nobody will have noticed.” 

“Alone? Is that unusual?” Mitsuhide asked, surprised again. 

“Only insofar as her having the economic wherewithal to do so. Running a household isn’t anywhere near as labor intensive in our time as it is now.” 

The rain came down in earnest, fat drops splashing through the ragged roof and pooling on the floor around them as he tried to picture her going about her life, alien as it might be to his imagination, alone. 

“Well, she used to live alone. She might have a boyfriend by now, it has been a few months, perhaps a dose of city air and the joy of indoor plumbing has brought her to her senses.” Sasuke added. 

“I take it from the construction of the word that a ‘boyfriend’ is roughly the same as a lover?” Mitsuhide said, ignoring the rest but making a mental note to return to it later.

“It’s a broad term. It can be more casual than a lover, or it might be as intense as a husband.” Sasuke replied flippantly. 

He was aware of his own inclination to jealousy in those rare instances where he allowed any kind of attachment to linger, and had already chosen to simply dismiss the idea that she could simply forget him in favor of taking action to prevent it, but he felt the bitter heat of it in the pit of his stomach all the same. 

“Did she not have someone like that when she came here?” Mitsuhide asked, less concerned by her previous attachments than by the possibility that they might persist. 

“I don’t know, to tell you the truth. Of course you can’t be certain of my honesty, given the appalling conditions of my involuntary employment. ” Sasuke answered, as a raindrop rolled down his forehead and over one lens of his glasses, which he yanked off irritably and cleaned. 

“Why, you can leave at any time, should conditions prove unsatisfactory.” Mitsuhide answered, as he swept a stray raindrop out of his hair. 

“Sure, I can leave, but you know I won’t and you also didn’t specify that I could leave alive.” Sasuke countered with a sigh. 

“My but you learn quickly. It’s really no wonder Kenshin grew so attached to you. He must be absolutely furious at your sudden absence, and the man does have a habit of communicating with his sword.” Mitsuhide said with amusement. 

“Why couldn’t she have fallen madly in love with Ieyasu?” Sasuke muttered to himself. “That would’ve been wonderful. A bad temper, yes, but at least a direct one.” 

“Oh I don’t know, at least I’m a charming conversationalist. Anyway, tell me all about indoor plumbing.” Mitsuhide replied, as he warmed his hands at the fire. It would be a long hard road to reach a goal less likely than any he had ever set himself before, but the future seemed slightly less distant when he bickered with Sasuke. 

***

/Shikimi is a poisonous plant that grows wild in Japan and has neurotoxic effects when ingested. It resembles a common wild food plant. 

[lassieposting]

if Valkyrie died, would it be possible for Lord Vile to resurrect her?

I mean? I think so, personally?

So. Necromancers in general seem very big on the "life and death are two sides of the same coin", "life flows into death flows back into life", "death is just a doorway" sort of rhetoric. Val gets a lot of it from Solomon.

But. They're also very close-minded. The temple has a certain way of doing things, and that's how they've done things for hundreds of years, and they raise all their students from a young age inside the temple so that it will never occur to them to stray from that path and their only loyalty will be to the temple and the cause.

A prime example of the rules they give their students that aren't necessarily true: You Have To Have A Channelling Object.

And then we have Lord Vile. He is, essentially, a neoteric. Yes, he did two years in the temple as an adult, but he says he rediscovered necromancy, meaning he already knew he was able to do it. He had no childhood training, and yet his raw, untapped necromancy was strong enough to duke it out with his elemental magic - which he'd been diligently working on for years - and have him come out of his surge magically ambidextrous instead of locked into one or the other. He is a natural born necromancer. And, just like Kitana and her group, because he's had no training, his magic has woven in with his instincts and emotions. Necromancy isn't a discipline to Vile, it's more innate than breathing. He doesn't need a channelling object. When he changes from Skug to Vile for a fight, most of the time he doesn't physically put on the armor: the shadows come from inside him and form the armor around him. We never see any other necromancer do that. Wreath doesn't materialise his cane when he needs it - he has to carry it around. Val doesn't materialise her ring - she has to physically wear it, and when it's taken from her she loses her power. Vile only ever physically puts on the armor in Abyssinia's flashback. The rest of the time it's armor made from shadows that came from inside him.

And. Vile is also, ultimately, Skulduggery. He's still got Skug's brain. And if someone says to him, "death is just a doorway," he's going to be the one who just. Instinctively realises you can walk through a door in both directions; if death is simply the other face of the coin to life, then death magic is just the other face of life magic. He hasn't been indoctrinated to the temple way of doing things, he thinks for himself. He's not going to listen to anyone telling him he can't do something just because the temple says so.

(This is why I give Vile a body. It's a handy way to burn off excess magic so he doesn't implode or go insane. His body is technically dead. He controls dead things. All he has to do, really, is reverse the state change and make himself look alive again. Just another thing he gives up when he goes back to being Skug.)

Now, I don't think Vile would know how to bring Val back if she was killed, like if he stopped to think about it. He doesn't know how he does most of what he can do, he never learned the theory really, he just does it. It would be an emotional reaction. The part of him that's Skulduggery, the part of him that's lost everyone he ever cared about and he can't lose anyone else, he can't, it'll kill him, he can't lose the only person who ever understood, who ever knew what he was and liked him anyway, just going NO and brute-forcing the stream of life to give her back.

Could he, physically, do it? Yes. He's hands down the strongest necromancer in known history. There's probably very little he couldn't do, and bringing someone back from the dead is canonically possible.

Would it be worth it? Now that's the real question. What kind of life would she have? Would she be, essentially, a zombie? Would she be like the white cleaver? Would she come back whole and healthy or would dragging someone back over the threshold of death have side effects, like amnesia or going insane? Would she still be Val Cain, or would she really be more of an imitation Val Cain created by Vile's magic and Skulduggery's memories?

Would she thank him? Would she be able to forgive him? These are the questions he should probably be asking.

(But he wouldn't. He'd go ahead and do it anyway because he wouldn't want to be without her. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. He's always been selfish like that.)