#two sillies plus Leo makes three dangerous sillies

[sugarpasteltmnt]

A con artist and a petty thief walk up to you with a scheme...

How do you respond?

Hehehehe what totally trustworthy little fellows 🩵

careful boys— you’re either very brave or very foolish to approach an insane man with a Krang tail >:3c

(but fr Leo would probably be very amused and hear them out. Though he’d be more fond of Mikey than another Leo because of his… complicated feelings towards himself)

[bambiraptorx]

If you don't mind me asking before the vote is over; could I hear about it separated au? Since I'm pretty sure that the draxum raised the turtles au is going to win.

-🔮🕸

Sure! It was originally intended to just be silly and nonsensical, so I picked some characters that the boys don't end up with much. Raph and Leo are the most developed so far.

Raph: ends up with Huginn and Muninn's extended family, and is raised as a gargoyle for the first half of his life. At some point the gargoyle warren decides that he would be better off getting more involved in yokai culture (lots of reasons involved), so they asked Huginn and Muninn to take care of him. They brought him to Draxum's lab to take care of him (may or may not have informed Draxum of this arrangement) and Draxum was like "wha--is that one of my turtles?!" and the goyles are like "uh idk boss" and he's like "that is one of my turtles I am involving myself in raising the kid."

So long story short Raph ends up with three primary caretakers plus a massive extended family that he visits on the weekends. Also he ends up with the name Red, because gargoyles have a collectively strange sense of humor and also they don't get real names until adulthood anyway.

Leo: ends up with Capitan Piel. Piel and his crew didn't realize Leo wasn't just an animal at first (to be fair they don't see that many regular turtles) so for the first year or two they keep him as a pet. Once he starts talking, they kinda collectively go "oh crap this is a child" and the crew has to decide whether they want to keep a kid or not, given their dangerous and less than legal lifestyle. They keep him and raise him as a pirate lol. (They might also name him Leon, I haven't decided yet.)

However, Leo's presence does cause Piel and Hueso to reconcile somewhat, mainly because Piel wants to make sure that his kid has a safe place to go if something happens to the rest of the crew. Leo has ended up at his uncles' several times, the longest being a period of about five months. That was also the first time he stayed at Hueso's.

Donnie: Ends up with the Librarian. Being raised in a library has some interesting effects: he's virtually a walking encyclopedia and never speaks above a whisper. He prefers to communicate using one of the many yokai sign languages he's learned, and always has a hush bat or two following him to keep an eye on him. His ability to build his tech has been somewhat limited by needing to be quiet, but he's found workarounds.

Mikey: Stays with Splinter. Rather than becoming more neglectful, Splinter is immensely overprotective of his remaining child. They still live in the sewers, just not in the same place as in the show--it's too big for the two of them. Mikey knows about the Upper City (He and April explore together because Splinter won't let him go alone) but he doesn't know about the other one. Also, he wears dresses in this au. idk why he just does.

[yourlocalsewerdragon]

Ok this has turned into a full on ask.

Hi. My name is Aura and I like Project Sekai.

PjSekai is a Japanese rhythm game featuring none other than Hatsune Miku herself. The songs are certified bops and I consistently have at least two playing on loop somewhere in the browser tabs of my brain. There’s quite easy modes if you’re not good at rhythm games and/or want to play casually, or you can be stupid and play this game nonstop for three months and now are trying to full combo all of the expert and master difficulties because you already got all the hards. You can probably guess what I did.

The real draw of this game isn’t the music, however. It’s the fantastic, gay, I-will-live-in-your-head-rent-free cast of blorbos. There’s five main bands, each specializing in a vibe of music, plus six Virtual Singers (Miku and friends!!) that join each unit :)

Leo/Need is the one I started with. They’re a group of four childhood best friends who drifted apart during middle school. Now, they’re trying to reconnect and form a band. Epic. All the girls are wonderful and lovely and id kill for each and every one of them. They have Megurine Luka though and let me tell ya. I’m gay. Instant win for the sapphics.

VIVID Bad Squad is a group of street performers aiming to put on the best event ever. It’s also simultaneous wlw and mlm hostility. You could read An and Kohane / Toya and Akito as platonic, but why would you? If they revealed they were canonically dating this entire time I wouldn’t even bat an eye. Oh and they either have the best dads ever or the worst. Toya. I’m stealing you. Get out of that house your dad sucks and I can snap him in half.

Nightcord at 25:00 is a band that communicates exclusively through Discord at 1 am. Never heard of that happening before… oh! And they have a canonically non binary / transfem character. What imaginative content. Jokes aside though they delve into what it means to live and feel and keep going.

MORE! MORE! JUMP! is an idol group!! Minori wants to become an idol more than anything but cannot pass an audition to save her life. She ends up meeting not one, not two, but THREE former idols at school who had given up their dreams. They then form voltron (sorry)

I have saved the best for last. My favorite theater kids. Wonderlands x Showtime. Drags, I love these kids so much. At first they were my least favorite. Tsukasa was arrogant and Emu was annoying. Surely there isn’t anything fun about them? Boy oh boy was I wrong. Tsukasa tries so hard and puts it all on the line and he just really loves his sister (a member of Leo/need!!), Emu is so silly and fun and happy, Nene deserves the world and more, and Rui. I want to study him. He’s a genius roboticist and scientist who’s also really good at creating and directing plays. The talent. Does he sleep? Where did he get so much gender? Why is he a menace to society? He puts such dangerous stunts into his shows but he always puts ten times more effort into making sure they’re safe. Amazing. He just really loves his friends and he has a place he belongs and I AAAIFBSBDHSB. Sorry rui is my favorite. Did you know he accidentally created another world within their sekai because he loves his friends that much. Anyways yeah WxS wants to create shows that make people smile and I think that’s beautiful. They succeed btw. To make me smile at least.

I should probably explain the sekai part, huh? In this world, there are mysterious (and by mysterious I mean if you think about it too hard you will cry) dimensions called SEKAI created by the feelings of people. When the feelings that created the SEKAI are realized, they become a song! Each group has its own sekai with its own theme. Leo/need is a starry classroom, More more jump is a ton of stages, vivid bad squad is a street cafe, wxs is a carnival, and nightcord is the void. The sekai are inhabited by the virtual singers I was talking about!! All of them have Miku , but each Miku is slightly different. For example, n25 has a very quiet, depressed Miku while wxs has the most extroverted catgirl clown you will ever see. They also have at least one other virtual singer! i love them all they’re just silly little guys :)

So yeah download this game it’s the best and worst decision I’ve ever made.

HOLY SHIT. THIS SOUNDS. SO FUCKING COOL. WHAT. WHAT. WOOOAAAAAAH WAIT OMG THIS SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE MY TYPE OF SHIT I LOVE THIS SM. IM SO OBSESSED. IM CRYIGN. OMG

. I NEED THIS. DO U HAVE TO PAY FOR IT. IF NOT GREAT BUT IF YES I'M 90% WILLING TO PAY

[yoiotdfics]

Fic Recs for March 2017

birthday surprise by  suga

Summary:

other than his grandpa, there was only one other person yuri wanted to hear from on his birthday.

Fall Where They May by  flammablehat

Summary:

Viktor has a special talent for magically normalizing every strange thing he does.

all of rome by basilique

Summary:

Right after their wedding, Yuuri and Viktor go on Honeymoon to Rome. They decided to splurge on a visit to an all-male bath house, because why not? And when it turns out to be something of a venue for sexual exhibitionism, why not join the fun? When in Rome…

Kings in Couture by slightlied

Summary:

a devil wears prada au in which victor is the editor-in-chief of a fashion magazine, yuuri’s his new secretary, and instead of talking about his feelings, victor just sends him on a bunch of errands

The Calm Before A Storm by  iamthefacebehindthemask

Summary:

Early mornings had become Victor’s least favorite time of the day.

Emordnilap by  Dawn on ICE (Dawn_Blossom)

Summary:

27-year old, five-time consecutive gold medalist Yuuri Katsuki is planning on retiring after his disgraceful performance at the Sochi Grand Prix FInal.

Victor Nikiforov is a better skater than him (the skating community says otherwise, but what do they know?) and therefore it does NOT make sense for him to show up in the onsen and declare that he’s going to be Yuuri’s student.

Imagery by  Cesare

Summary:

Because Yuuri is never, ever lucky, of course Victor finds his poster stash.

This Tastes Fishy by  otapocalypse

Summary:

Yuuri is comforted by his best friend

Making History by Moonlight: Bishounen Senshi Skater Moon!!! by  virdant

Summary:

Yuuri moves to St. Petersburg, ugly tie in hand, prepared to make history and fight evil.

Do your research by  classicpleistocene

Summary:

After World Championship, Michele and Emil take a week off together to be cuddly boyfriends and discover each others’ secrets.

i’m just going to the store by  bosbie

Summary:

Accidental masked vigilante Victor Nikiforov.

Or: how Victor’s impulsiveness backfires and creates one of the greatest living internet memes to ever come out of Russia.

see myself through someone else by  maydei

Summary:

Victor is a mermaid that washes up on the Atlantic Coast amidst a strong tide. When taking refuge up a small sound, he meets an artist under a bridge.

trust me, he’ll say yes by  JkWriter

Summary:

phichit was used to getting calls all hours of the day from the other skaters. he wanted to get those calls because he loved meddling in the love lives of his friends.

Getting the Words Right by Lazchan

Summary:

Viktor is out of town and Yuuri is left alone with Team Russia

between every breath that makes you whole and mine by incode

Summary:

Yuuri wakes up feeling… not so hot.

Victor will help. Victor really, really wants to help.

(Victor hums thoughtfully, and then he disappears into the closet for a moment. When he returns, he thrusts a bundle of fabric into Yuuri’s chest.

Yuuri’s eyes go wide as he looks it over - his Team Japan jacket.)

crust and sugar over by  ShanaStoryteller

Summary:

Katsuki sits cross-legged, clearly in no hurry to go anywhere. “What’s your name? I’m –”

“I know who you are,” he cuts him off, then blushes, then hates himself for both those things. Katsuki looks surprised, and Yuri can’t think as to why. He’s a nationally ranked figure skater. He’s Yuri’s favorite figure skater.

~

Yuuri and Yuri become friends and Viktor develops a crush.

a pinprick of light by Crollalanza

Summary:

‘It’s as if all the flamboyance and fun has been used up on the ice. And now we become the grey people,’ Victor had warned Mila before her first Grand Prix banquet.

He’d not exaggerated, and the only social skills Mila was learning was how to stifle yawns before she could make a getaway.

Then Katsuki Yuuri drank a vat of champagne, and colour exploded into all their lives.

But it’s up to Mila and Sara to salvage his reputation when the events of the banquet threaten to go viral.

open up your eyes (breathe easy) by ashleypender

Summary:

Viktor loves to touch his Yuuri.

Sweet Spots by  Crazy_Gaze

Summary:

“But don’t get too comfortable. ‘Cause he’ll make you wait for it.” Phichit grumbles. “And if you don’t, next thing you know, you’re tied up, can’t move, and then he’ll laugh at you, Victor.”

Victor looks far from opposed to the idea though. “Oh…” He says, a little starstruck. “I might not be too opposed to that.”

(In which Victor and Phichit don’t really talk about Detroit but about Yuuri instead.)

To what should i compare thee with fine ass?by wepreachelectric

Summary:

a simple, Shakespearien Sonnet about chris giacometti and his fine fine ass

resting pulse by cafecliche

For something all in his head, it can be brutally physical when it wants to be. But he’s an athlete - he knows how to listen to his body, categorize and interpret its signals. It doesn’t really follow that the smallest twinge in his knee could mean a very bad season at the same time full-blown palpitations mean it’s a day that ends in Y. But bodies are weird.

Victor, though. Victor is a stress test brought to life.

(Or: a story in heartbeats.)

Silver, Skype, Seduction by  Laikin394

Summary:

Victor gives a great show. Especially, if Yuuri is the only viewer. or That one time where Victor and Yuuri are separated by different competitions and they make up for the lost time. AKA I wanted Victuuri Skype sex, let’s not pretend there’s plot in this.

a love that refuses to be silenced by wartransmission

Summary:

A year into being officially (and he doesn’t count what happened in Barcelona, because really, Viktor?) engaged and capable of sleeping with Viktor on the same bed without combusting into embarrassed flames, Yuuri learns something about his favorite skater and now-fiancé.

The Five Languages of Viktor Nikiforovby  athoroughlybakedpotato (acommontater)

Summary:

Language is not only how you understand other people, but how you learn to understand yourself.

a new day by  aquamarine_nebula

Summary:

There were three lies Viktor’s mind tried to convince him regarding his relationship with Yuuri.

First: Yuuri understood each and every one of his actions, so he had nothing to explain. Second: Yuuri was too good for him. Third: he loved Yuuri much more than Yuuri loved him.

(He was wrong about this.)

Flip, Sip, or Strip! bycutthroatpixie

Five times Yuuri totally owned at a college drinking game

(the plus one time he didn’t own at something is implied)

Figure Skators vs. Watermelon by Redawilo

Summary:

Two Russians, a Kazakhstani, and a Japanese man decide to spend a hot afternoon on a beach trying to hit a watermelon with a stick. Pure silliness ensues.

Skating Out Your Emotions by Lazchan

Summary:

Yuri is starting to wonder if he’s reading too much into Yuuri when he’s notskating, but the longer he stays in Russia, the more he notices the differences off and on the ice.

Have we got contact? by  Crollalanza

Summary:

Seung-gil hadn’t been at all sure he’d watch the competition. What he’d do instead was practise and look after his dog, catching up on the highlights later because they were the only thing that could possible be useful. But then Sara Crispino texts him, and instead of ignoring her, he finds himself drawn into the excitement of the Grand Prix Final.

And it’s not long before everyone else starts messaging.

Champagne, Vodka, and Other Spirits by  Dawn on ICE (Dawn_Blossom)

Summary:

Victor Nikiforov wouldn’t mind being dead if only the real estate agency would stop trying to sell his house.

the fall of this empire will be loud by  elesssar

Summary:

In 1991, the Soviet Union collapses. In 1989, the Berlin wall falls. In 1987, Viktor Nikiforov, iconic figure skater and darling of the USSR, defects to the United States. In 1986, Yuuri Katsuki falls in love.

Even My Feet Smile For You by ineptshieldmaid

It’s because of this - this tendency of Viktor’s to be all limbs, always moving, even when he’s relaxed - that the thing with the feet happens. Not the thing with Yuri’s feet: that happens a lot, because Viktor is not subtle in his interests and Yuri is not the kind of man to pass up on leverage like that. No, this is the thing with Viktor’s feet. The one that leads to Yuri’s most widely-screencapped and circulated instagram post ever, and also Viktor’s most infamous profile picture.

Maybe He’s Born With It (Maybe It’s Phichit) by  mousapelli

Summary:

Phichit altruistically saves Yuri from the melodramatic makeup tendencies of his fellow Russians.

Yuuri Enchanted by  the__magpie

Summary:

At birth, Yuuri Katsuki was given the gift of obedience, although he quickly learns as he grows up that it is a curse. He has to obey any command given to him, even if it puts him or others in danger. Too afraid to face the terrifying outside world, Yuuri stays in his home town of Hasetsu, until a chance encounter with Prince Victor urges him to venture outside of his safe bubble. Determined to break his curse, Yuuri begins on an adventure involving fairies, ogres, true love, and courage he never knew he had.

The Year of King JJ by  WithBroomBefore

Summary:

Yuri acknowledged, at some point, that JJ wasn’t objectively the worst person who had ever existed.

Friends First by  EternalWhiteRose

Summary:

Otabek tells his coach that he wants to retire, but of course, news travels fast. Specifically, to the other side of the country. More specifically, to America and Canada.

OR; JJ and Leo visit Otabek unannounced.

[freezing-kaiju]

A Party To Die For: Part 1

A Fire Emblem Fates horror AU fic

Rating: Possibly Mature? (Violence that will happen later)

Ships: Charlotte/Peri, Beruka/Camilla, Mozu/Nyx, Leo/Niles

written with help from @pupmon1

Greetings, my honored guests. My name is Xander Sumrak. I’m a billionaire by trade. I’ve decided to organize a party. The location? A supposedly haunted manor owned by myself. The guests? My family, of course, and a few others. Only a few of note: An assassin...a detective...and a mistress of the occult. Now...let’s see what fun these can get into.

Nine cars pulled into the driveway of a palatial but somewhat deserted-looking estate. It looked like it had been once impressive in its grandeur, but now, fallen into disrepair and especially in a night as dark as this, it was impressive in a more sinister sense. It looked almost like...well, a haunted house.

The ten guests exited their vehicles and lingered outside, waiting to be escorted inside. The private detective was the first one to open conversation.

“Well, I suppose we should all get acquainted with each other while we wait for the drinks- I mean the host. I’m Niles Edgeworth, P.I. Not sure why I was invited but I’m not complaining.”

A tall, square-jawed man stuck out his hand and shook Niles’s. “Pleased to meet you! I’m Inspector Arthur Pentagast. I’m...not entirely sure why I was invited, either.”

“You’re here because Xander invited you,” a woman with purple hair spoke up, a teal haired woman shadowing behind her.

“Ah! Miss Camilla.” Arthur smiled and saluted with a tip of his had. “So this arrangement was set by your brother?”

Camilla nodded and smiled, though was interrupted by a question by another. “Do you know what he wants?”

Behind Camilla and her bodyguard stood a blonde haired woman in a revealing dress. “No, Charlotte. I don’t know why he’s asked us all here...least of all you.”

Charlotte scoffed. “Well of course we’re both here. I’m a talented actress...and you’re, well, his sister. But that’s not a surprise...that’s what’s gotten you everywhere, isn’t it?”

Camilla growled and her bodyguard stepped forward. “Watch your tongue,” she said simply, staring at Charlotte.

“Beruka. How pleasant to see you here too,” Charlotte said with a smirk, backing away all the same. “Why exactly are you here? A date, perhaps?”

Beruka tensed. “I-I am just her bodyguard.”

Charlotte smirked. “Are you sure? I saw something last month...you were looking pretty comfortable between that redhead and C-” She was silenced by Beruka clamping her hand over her mouth. Charlotte growled and glared at the tealette.

A somewhat childish-looking woman with multichromatic hair entered the fray, smiling, and said, “Ooo, is there a fight happening? Can I join?”

Before a proper fight could truly break out, the doors to the mansion flew open with a bang, a silver haired man in a suit standing in the doorway. A silence fell over the guests as he walked down the steps and bowed towards them.

“Welcome to our manor! Lord Xander awaits you all inside,” he said with a grin.

A young blonde woman with her hair in drills laughed and smiled. “Hey there Jacob. Did Xander tell you to do that?”

Jacob chuckled and stood up straight. “Indeed, lady Elise, he did.” He nodded to Leo and Camilla, then walked over to the door and held it open. Everyone filed in.

“...we shouldn’t be here…” a small dark haired woman muttered as she entered the door, accompanied by a chubby, shy-looking brunette. “There are spirits here...angry ones…”

Leo paused and glanced back at the woman, sneering a little. “Oh...you must be the ...specialist Xander mentioned. I assure you there are no spirits here. Spirits don’t exist.”

Nyx gritted her teeth. “...that’s what everyone says...but oh, you’ll believe...”

Leo chuckled condescendingly. “Oh, I look forward to it.”

A few minutes later, the party arrived at a spacious dining room, with several dishes set out, an open bar, and a large set of ornate double doors in the back of the room. Jakob and two maids, one with pink hair and the other with blue, directed every guest to their assigned seats but warned everyone not to start eating until the host arrived. Outside, a thunderstorm had begun to gather as the sky darkened.

Three, five, ten minutes passed of absolutely nothing. One of the maids, Flora, appeared to be counting the flashes of lightning.

Suddenly, as a huge thunderclap sounded and Nyx jumped like a scared cat, the double doors crashed open, and Xander strode dramatically into the room. He had a well-kept handlebar moustache and a very finely-tailored black suit, with gold and burgundy around the linings.

“Greetings, my honored guests!” Xander announced with a deep bow. “I am your humble host, Xander Sumrak. And this..well, it isn’t my humble abode, but I do own this place. Make yourselves comfortable...but be cautious. For there are other, more permanent residents of this manor...which I have invited Nyx and her friend to explain.” He inclined his head towards her, and Nyx stood up on her chair, giving herself the appropriate dramatic height.

“I advise that everybody either leave immediately or try your hardest to maintain a pleasant aura,” she began. “There are several spirits here...and they’re dangerous. If we get angry, they will pick up on that...and you do not under any circumstances want to make the spirits angry.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the dining room, broken slightly by Leo scoffing under his breath.

Then Xander clapped his hands together. “An excellent warning. I suggest you all heed it if you want to earn your money.”

“Money?” Charlotte interjected. “There’s money in this?”

“But of course. Ten thousand dollars, for each of you...if you stay in the house until 8 o'clock AM. If any of you should die, their take will be split amongst the rest. If I should die, the money will be paid by my estate. So try to survive.” He chuckled. “Now, i’m sure we’re all hungry, so let’s have dinner before we get ghost-hunting.”

Quite soon, the dishes were out and the liquor was flowing. Charlotte, leaning on the bar and finishing up her fourth Manhattan, felt ready for some conversation and began surveying the room.

On the far end of the table, Arthur and Niles were discussing prior cases of theirs. Dangerous subject, best to avoid it. Camilla was busy persuading her “bodyguard” to have a drink or two; Charlotte had never seen her drunk, this could be very fun.  Leo and Nyx were arguing about the possibility of ghosts, as expected from a man of science and a woman of superstition. Nyx was being backed up by the small woman that shyly introduced herself as Mozu, a friend of Nyx’s. They had just gotten onto the subject of whether ectoplasm was a legitimate thing or a hoax. An interesting topic, but Charlotte wasn’t here to make enemies, so she moved on. Elise and Xander were just exchanging random small talk, nothing interesting.

Then she noticed that girl with the weird multicolored hair...Peri, her name was Peri. She had a kinda lonely look in her eyes...and she was playing with a knife. No, not playing with it, not really, more...practicing. She was making subtle cuts in midair, and Charlotte could almost see the locations. Artery on the right arm. Wrist tendon. Small of the back. This girl had some experience...and excellent muscle memory.

She sat down in the chair next to Peri, making sure to lean away from the whirling knife.

“‘scuse meh?”

Peri turned and paused her practice. “Huh?”

“Yer very good wit’ dat knife.”

Peri grinned. “Aw, thanks! I use it a lot. It’s pretty good for stabbing people.”

Charlotte usually would pretend to be horrified by such a statement, but in her inebriated state she was merely intrigued. “Ah yeah, I don’t re’ly use knives meh’self. Guns ’re cleaner n’ axes ’re mer fun, but I keep un’ ‘round. ‘S a swiss army knife, good fer breakin’ inta...inta... s’uff.”

“Ooo, I like axes too! One big slice and WHAM!” She giggled. “So much blood...it’s wonderful!”

“Yeah...s’good. Ya do guns? Er mer o’ a melee ‘irl?”

“Oh, I hate guns. Never enough blood.”

“Yeah, I getcha on dat un’...kinda pai’ fer na’ a loda blood doh, too bad. Ya get pai’ fer it er da ya just kill fer fun?”

“For fun, silly! If it was my job, I’d have to follow rules, and that’s no fun! Plus, I’ve got enough money already.”

“Ya rish?’

Peri shrugged. “I guess so.”

“Das cool...’splains why yer here...I dunno why i’m here, prob’ly jus’ this rish fuck picked some names outta th’ phone book...”

“Dunno. My daddy said he’s a family friend so I gotta come. I’ve got better things to do but I guess this is fun!”

“Yeah...” Charlotte looked at Peri’s glass and frowned. “How come yer not drinkin’ anythin’? Das jus’...soda?”

“Yup. I don’t drink. It tastes weird.”

“Suit yerself,” Charlotte said, sipping another Manhattan. She was vaguely aware of several of the other partygoers giving her and Peri weird looks and backing away a bit, but she didn’t really give a shit. However, she noticed a certain set of prying eyes missing...

“...where da fuck is Xander?”

The conversation in the room all stopped. Everyone looked to the head of the table. The ornate chair that the host occupied was...empty.

“Lord Xander? Sir? Where are you?”

“Big brother! Where’d you go?”

Jakob and Xander’s siblings were instantly on high alert. They all stood up and started looking around.

“It’s possible he just went to the bathroom or out to get some fresh air...” Leo pointed out.

Camilla chuckled weakly. “Xander? Not without telling us. He’d announce it to the room if he so much as got up to use the bathroom.”

Jakob picked up a candelabra. “It is my duty to ensure his safety. This mansion is a maze, even if he just wandered off he could get lost, or worse. Anyone willing to assist me?”

The siblings immediately stood up, Beruka doing the same, although she was swaying slightly and clinging to Camilla. “He’s family,” Leo said simply.

Niles got to his feet as well. “A case, eh? Might be fun...not doing this pro bono but hey, i suppose that 10k could count as my fee...”

Arthur jumped to his feet as well and boomed, “As a duly appointed officer of the law, it is my sworn duty to protect and serve...so of course I’ll help!”

“...none of you can help him...” Nyx hissed softly. “...they have him now...and soon they’ll have you...”

“Thanks, Morticia...” Charlotte mumbled.

About an hour later, everyone was gathered in the foyer after searching the house. Jakob, the siblings, and Beruka were somewhat out of breath, though Niles and Arthur seemed to still have plenty of energy. Charlotte, Peri, and Mozu were just sort of chatting and lounging, and Nyx appeared to be preparing some sort of ritual, muttering under her breath.

“Well, we couldn’t find sir anywhere.” Jakob announced, hanging his head. “I don’t know where he possibly could have gone...”

Everyone stood around, contemplating the situation.Then Elise had an idea. Jumping up and down with excitement, she exclaimed, “Oh! Oh! I know! What if this spooky place has secret passages? Y’know, like on those Scooby-Doo cartoons we used to watch when we were kids?”

Leo dismissed this with a wave of his hand. “Couldn’t work. That’s a cartoon, Elise. This is real life. Real people don’t build secret passageways unless they’re smuggling narcotics.”

“Aww...” Elise said, dejected.

“The ghosts took him...” Nyx muttered, turning away from the candles she was setting up and toppling one over.

“Yeah, yeah,” Leo responded, “Believe whatever crazy shit you want...”

“It’s real though...the ghosts...I can feel them...like a swarm of wasps...and that’s what I’m trying to do. Placate them before one of us pushes the hive too hard and they all come swarming out...” Nyx gestured to the candles and incenses she was arranging.

“Tch...whatever, I’m going to the library,” Leo said simply before stepping into the next room.

Nyx shook her head and grabbed a circular rug from a corner, carefully straightening it out. “This will do for a marker. Mozu.” Mozu looked up when Nyx pointed at her. “Come help me. Place these four candles at the tip of the cardinal directions, starting at north and moving clockwise.”

Mozu grabbed two of the candles and blinked in confusion. “Ah...what direction are those?”

Nyx sighed and pointed in front of her. “That’s north. Move from there.”

Mozu carefully nodded and put the candles down, making sure everything was straight as Nyx lightly sets the incense alight. She then crossed her legs and started chanting. She started rocking back and forth as she chanted...and the lights even started flickering as she chanted. Charlotte was amazed by what was going on...maybe there was something to what Nyx was saying...or maybe not. Nyx shifted positions, the rug moved from under her...and the couch caught on fire when one of the candles was knocked over.

Mozu and Arthur rushed forward to put out the flames, and Nyx sunk to the ground, expression miserable and hopeless.

“It didn’t work...” she groaned. “Something went wrong...we’re all going to die in here.”

“Now that’s just nonsense,” Niles scoffed, “Right, doc?” He expected Leo to agree and launch into some diatribe about science and chemistry...but there was no reply. He turned around. “Doc? Leo?”

“I saw him go inta th’ library,” Mozu pointed out as she helped Nyx to her feet. To Nyx, she whispered, “It’s okay. Y’all did yer best, right? C’mon. Nobody’s gon’ die here.”

Niles got up and strode over to the library door, Camilla and Elise following him.

The library was a grand, if somewhat gloomy room. The high ceiling let many tall bookshelves be stored here, packed with undoubtedly interesting tomes. But there was one key element missing. Leo. He was nowhere to be seen. And there was no other way out of the great library.

“Doc? Are you in here? ...Leo? LEOOOO!” Niles called out as he searched the library...fruitlessly. Leo, like Xander, had simply...vanished.

“I...think Nyx might be correct.”

[hell-and-pepsi]

what is a tagged can you eat it

I guess I was tagged by @ilwinsgarden ? That was a surprise, people don’t tag me in stuff too often, thank you very much!

Rules: Answer all the questions, then add one of your own, and tag as many people as there are questions

1) Coke or Pepsi? I never drank coke in my life. I tried Pepsi once so I guess Pepsi.

2) Disney or Dreamworks? I’d say Dreamworks, especially since my brother is a huge fan of How to Train your Dragon

3) Coffee or Tea? Tea, in all forms and quantities - from a cheap-arse tea bag put in a bucket of hot water to exquisite brands prepared by the rules of the Chinese traditional tea ceremonies

4) Books or movies? First read the book, then watch the movie based on it. Never vice versa (except if the book is really crappy compared to the movie)

5) Windows or mac? Windows! Also doors. Illuminators. Ceiling lights. Ventilation vents. If you can punch a hole through a wall, that’s nice too.

6) D.C. or Marvel? Not a fan of either.

7) Xbox or PlayStation? Never had neither of them.

8) Dragon age or mass effect? I never played neither of them and I don’t even have friends that played any of these :(

9) Night owl or early riser? Early riser. If you can manage to, which doesn’t happen to often to me unfortunately.

10) Cards or chess? I can barely play any card games, I don’t even know the names of the card suits in Russian (but I know them perfectly in English because Homestuck.) So chess, even though I haven’t played chess either in a very long time.

11) Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate any time.

12) Vans or converse? I don’t care much for fashion so either is fine

13) Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar? Low Sorbian? Volapük? Or are those not weird language names?

14) Fluff or angst? Both. Both is good. 

15) Beach or forest? Um. Have you looked at my username. Well, I guess you should just look at it again

16) Dogs or cats? Cats! Especially my cat, Sebastian. Though dogs are cool as well.

17) Clear skies or rain? Clear sky! I am basically a reverse vampire, I can’t live without a blue sky and a bright sun up above. Also, stars at night *_*

18) Cooking or eating out? I’m broke, so cooking.

19) Spicy or mild food? I like spicy. But honestly, it all depends on the ability of the cook. Mild food can be very tasty too if done right.

20) Halloween/Samhain or solstice/yule/Christmas? @ilwinsgarden while answering this question said that they don’t celebrate Hallowe’en in Czech Republic and I relate - we don’t celebrate it in Russia as well save for the occasional shop sell. 

But here we go even more extreme - we don’t celebrate Christmas either! In the Soviet times the main winter celebration shifted to New Year’s Eve, and that’s what we celebrate mainly up to this day. Christmas is a religious holiday solely, and moreover, because Russia is mainly an Orthodox Christian country and not a Prothestantic/Catholic/Anglican one, we celebrate Christmas two weeks later than Catholics (January the 7th).

Actually, even putting cultural differences aside, I don’t like the themes of both holidays. The modern media has generalized and cheapened them so that Hallowe’en is merely pumpkin spice and costumes instead of being a spiritual day, and Christmas is merely presents and trees instead of an important Christian milestone. I guess I enjoy Christmas a little bit more.

21) Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? Uhhh, that’s a tough one! But I am actually often a little too cold (including today), so if I choose a little too hot perhaps it can cancel it out? :D

22) If you could have a superpower what would it be? There are so many choices! Super intellengence would be helpful. Teleportation would allow me to travel anywhere in the world for free. If I could create plant life or accelerate its speed of growth, I could end famine.

23) Animation or live action? Both have their perks. Currently I’m more invested in animation, but I would really like to explore live action movies and even create ones myself.

24) Paragon or renegade? Okay, so I learnt a new English word today! Paragon, huh. And as much as I love the sound of that word I choose renegade. I’m a rebel by nature.

25) Bath or shower? Showers are cooler and more eco-friendly, but when you’re tired all you want is a nice hot bath. So both once again, depending on your state.

26) Team Cap or team Ironman? Like I said above, I’m not a fan of Marvel.

27) Fantasy or sci-fi? Don’t make me choose like this! But when I was younger I definitely enjoyed sci-fi more, and I know there’s still a lot of classic authors for me to explore.

28) Do you have 3 or 4 favorite quotes if so what are they? Oh boy, you came for a treat. “Fears are caused by a lack of understanding. And in the world we live in, you have unlimited information out there. There’s no reason you should be afraid of anything”  - Ethoslab, my most favourite Youtuber and Minecrafter ever. I don’t remember the exact episode, but I believe it was in his Let’s Play series around 390-410 ish, when he was building Sandy City.

“I mean, I know you want it to stay pleasant around here, but — there are so many things … that are so much better. Like silly, or sexy, or dangerous … or brave. And every one of those things is in you all the time, if you just have the guts to look for them.”  - Bud Parker, from the movie Pleasantville. Go watch it. It’s a true piece of art. I watched it in my English class in detail and it was absolutely delightful and amazing and so, so true.

“I never let school interfere with my education.”  - (incorrect, I think) Mark Twain. Sums my feeling about school perfectly.

“Every moment is the moment, and everything you lose, you lose forever.”  - my teacher. He told us once to remember this saying very carefully, even if we don’t understand it fully, because there may come a time where it will be very, very true for us. It is one of those quotes that you do not memorize, but which memorizes you instead.

29) YouTube or Netflix? I don’t have a Netflix account and I don’t even know whether the site is available in my country. But I spend endless hours on Youtube.

30) Harry Potter or Percy Jackson? Look at my nickname and my avatar yet again... plus I never quite got into Percy Jackson. I think I only read one book. Its fans make cool fanart though, with many different ships.

31) When do you feel accomplished? When I do something that’s supposed to be “in my field” and I do excellent on it. Also, contrariwise, when I have to go through something I’m scared or unexperienced to do and perform well.

32) Star Wars or Star Trek? Okay, please don’t kill me for this, but I never watched a Star Wars movie in my life. I also didn’t watch Star Trek, but I relate to it a little bit more because I’m a fan of Doctor Who which is a show from the same time. Plus Star Trek is responsible for a lot of modern sci-fi tropes, its fans started the modern fanfiction culture (including the concept of shipping), and it’s a historical and innovative piece in general.

33) Paperback books or hardcover books? I don’t have a strong opinion of this, and I read books online mostly nowadays. In my experience, different kinds of books are more prone to being in a hardcover or in paperback. Both of those types can be very enjoyable.

34) Fantastic beasts or Cursed child? Seen/read neither. (I feel so ignorant while answering those... haven’t seen that, haven’t read that...) But from what I saw and heard, especially from my little brother, Cursed Child is a hectic fanfiction piece somehow gone canon (and Rowling had barely to do with it anyway) and Fantastic Beasts is, well, a fantastic piece of work. Also Americans got their own Potter movie. (like A Very Potter musical wasn’t enough)

35) Rock or pop music? My music taste is dictated by artist, not style. That being said, nowadays I have more favourites in pop than rock.

36) What is the most important thing in your life? Keeping close to my principles/morals. Expressing those principles and morals in one way or another, because I find it something important to show to other people. Trying to help the people I call my friends. Trying to make sense in this big mess of things we call the world.

37) Mountains or sea/ocean? Tough question again! But I guess I’ve been to the sea like, thrice in my life, and never been to the mountains, so sea/ocean.

38) How do you express yourself? Mostly in words and sometimes in action. But my ultimate goal is to create content through which I could successfully express my view of the world.

39) What’s the first book/film that really counted to you? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. When I was little I never cried at books at movies. But there was something in chapter 34 (where Harry has learn the truth about himself and goes to the Forbidden Forest to be killed by Voldemort) that made me shed my very first tear. The name of the chapter was The Forest Again, so, well, you can see how big of an impact it was for me.

40) What’s your element (air, water, etc.)? I want to be the Avatar! :D But seriously, I can’t really choose. By my star sign, Leo, it’s fire.

41) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Is “everywhere” an option?

42) If you had any job in the world, what would it be? A teacher in a school that is actually a good school. Not that those exist. Or a cartoon/anime/movie director/screenwriter.

43) If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? I guess all unlimited wishes hacks are banned, so:

1) World piece 2) Unlimited food to end world famine 3) Unlimited eco-friendly power source to end (most of) the world’s ecological problems.

44) If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pizza! Because you can put anything on a pizza.

45) What’s currently the most pressing issue on your mind, and what’s stopping you from fixing it? Is “everything” an option” [2]? But seriously, it’s probably my unpreparement for the uncoming exams and the search for my future career. The first one is caused by just lazyness and the boringness/objective unimportance of the exams, and the second time always takes time, naturally. So they are pressing, but at the same time I don’t worry too much at “failing” them.

46) What is your dream companion animal? A cat! Or a cool bird, like a jay or an oreole.

47) Raptors or songbirds? Raptor songbirds. Just imagine.

48) Do you think there is life on other planets in universe? “Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying. “ Arthur C. Clarke sums my opinion on this pretty welI

Woah, that’s a lot of questions! It also took me a lot of time to answer them, it’s super late for me now. Here’s my question:

49: If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, what would be some of the things that you do?

And I can’t possibly tag 49 people, so here’s just some: @polyglotplatypus, @kuufox, @artisticprotector, @cultureklub, @crap-iccioso,  @glannniglaepur, @stefan-stefansson, @moonpaw17, @klavierr, @antialiasis, @johannesviii and basically anyone else who wants to do this. And if you don’t want to do it, of course you’re not obliged in any way. @ilwinsgarden thank you so much for tagging me once again!

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don't sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here's Komarov's response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It's of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he's on the ice.

Yep, it's the old "forget to take off my skate guards" mistake. We've all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right...Maybe...Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as "chaotic," "crazy," "out of control," and "an old-fashioned dust-up." References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone's talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let's take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there's no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it's fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It's easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you're a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night's worth of NHL action. And it wasn't rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I'm not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here's one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here's Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It's from a brawl that's best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don't have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don't want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there's a very good chance that if this week's Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn't even have made the highlights. You'd have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn't playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you're well aware that you're not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we've got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it's worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we've come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week's obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we'll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He'd play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He'd earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta's hockey career came in 1991. And we'll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here's a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I'm guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league's celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter's @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it's not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn't always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here's Erik Karlsson, who's Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here's Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here's the Sedin twins, who sadly don't turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren't completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL's very first goal—scored by Montreal's Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it's out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he's one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it's not like the guy is perfect. So today, let's head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they'll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it's 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They're the host country for this year's tournament, and are seeking what would be the country's first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who's about to head to the NHL, and they're feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I'd make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can't throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don't want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You've been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We're quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I'll just refer to as "Way Too Enthusiastic Dude." The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it's Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night's induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I'm fine with that, but don't act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it's a matchup with Finland's top rival, Team Sweden. It's a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the "ICE HOCKEY" text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here's my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D'oh! That's hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's bang on, no need to google this any further.

I've got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn't already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don't go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn't any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let's just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he'd be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we're all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they'd get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he's in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn't getting any older.

(That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne’s Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don’t sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here’s Komarov’s response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It’s of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he’s on the ice.

Yep, it’s the old “forget to take off my skate guards” mistake. We’ve all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right…Maybe…Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as “chaotic,” “crazy,” “out of control,” and “an old-fashioned dust-up.” References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone’s talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let’s take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there’s no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it’s fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It’s easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you’re a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night’s worth of NHL action. And it wasn’t rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I’m not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here’s one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here’s Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It’s from a brawl that’s best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don’t have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don’t want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there’s a very good chance that if this week’s Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn’t even have made the highlights. You’d have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn’t playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you’re well aware that you’re not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we’ve got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it’s worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we’ve come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week’s obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we’ll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He’d play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He’d earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta’s hockey career came in 1991. And we’ll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here’s a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I’m guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league’s celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter’s @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it’s not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn’t always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here’s Erik Karlsson, who’s Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here’s Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here’s the Sedin twins, who sadly don’t turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren’t completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL’s very first goal—scored by Montreal’s Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it’s out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he’s one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it’s not like the guy is perfect. So today, let’s head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they’ll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it’s 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They’re the host country for this year’s tournament, and are seeking what would be the country’s first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who’s about to head to the NHL, and they’re feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I’d make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can’t throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don’t want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You’ve been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We’re quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I’ll just refer to as “Way Too Enthusiastic Dude.” The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it’s Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night’s induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I’m fine with that, but don’t act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it’s a matchup with Finland’s top rival, Team Sweden. It’s a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the “ICE HOCKEY” text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here’s my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D’oh! That’s hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s bang on, no need to google this any further.

I’ve got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn’t already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don’t go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn’t any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let’s just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he’d be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we’re all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they’d get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he’s in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn’t getting any older.

(That’s probably a good thing, actually. I’m told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne’s Singing Debut syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don't sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here's Komarov's response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It's of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he's on the ice.

Yep, it's the old "forget to take off my skate guards" mistake. We've all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right...Maybe...Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as "chaotic," "crazy," "out of control," and "an old-fashioned dust-up." References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone's talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let's take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there's no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it's fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It's easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you're a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night's worth of NHL action. And it wasn't rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I'm not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here's one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here's Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It's from a brawl that's best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don't have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don't want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there's a very good chance that if this week's Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn't even have made the highlights. You'd have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn't playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you're well aware that you're not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we've got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it's worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we've come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week's obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we'll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He'd play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He'd earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta's hockey career came in 1991. And we'll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here's a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I'm guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league's celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter's @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it's not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn't always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here's Erik Karlsson, who's Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here's Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here's the Sedin twins, who sadly don't turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren't completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL's very first goal—scored by Montreal's Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it's out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he's one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it's not like the guy is perfect. So today, let's head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they'll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it's 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They're the host country for this year's tournament, and are seeking what would be the country's first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who's about to head to the NHL, and they're feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I'd make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can't throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don't want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You've been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We're quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I'll just refer to as "Way Too Enthusiastic Dude." The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it's Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night's induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I'm fine with that, but don't act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it's a matchup with Finland's top rival, Team Sweden. It's a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the "ICE HOCKEY" text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here's my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D'oh! That's hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's bang on, no need to google this any further.

I've got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn't already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don't go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn't any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let's just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he'd be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we're all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they'd get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he's in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn't getting any older.

(That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don't sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here's Komarov's response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It's of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he's on the ice.

Yep, it's the old "forget to take off my skate guards" mistake. We've all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right...Maybe...Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as "chaotic," "crazy," "out of control," and "an old-fashioned dust-up." References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone's talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let's take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there's no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it's fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It's easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you're a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night's worth of NHL action. And it wasn't rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I'm not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here's one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here's Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It's from a brawl that's best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don't have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don't want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there's a very good chance that if this week's Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn't even have made the highlights. You'd have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn't playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you're well aware that you're not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we've got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it's worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we've come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week's obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we'll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He'd play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He'd earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta's hockey career came in 1991. And we'll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here's a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I'm guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league's celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter's @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it's not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn't always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here's Erik Karlsson, who's Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here's Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here's the Sedin twins, who sadly don't turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren't completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL's very first goal—scored by Montreal's Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it's out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he's one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it's not like the guy is perfect. So today, let's head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they'll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it's 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They're the host country for this year's tournament, and are seeking what would be the country's first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who's about to head to the NHL, and they're feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I'd make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can't throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don't want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You've been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We're quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I'll just refer to as "Way Too Enthusiastic Dude." The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it's Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night's induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I'm fine with that, but don't act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it's a matchup with Finland's top rival, Team Sweden. It's a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the "ICE HOCKEY" text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here's my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D'oh! That's hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's bang on, no need to google this any further.

I've got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn't already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don't go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn't any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let's just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he'd be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we're all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they'd get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he's in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn't getting any older.

(That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don't sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here's Komarov's response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It's of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he's on the ice.

Yep, it's the old "forget to take off my skate guards" mistake. We've all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right...Maybe...Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as "chaotic," "crazy," "out of control," and "an old-fashioned dust-up." References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone's talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let's take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there's no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it's fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It's easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you're a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night's worth of NHL action. And it wasn't rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I'm not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here's one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here's Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It's from a brawl that's best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don't have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don't want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there's a very good chance that if this week's Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn't even have made the highlights. You'd have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn't playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you're well aware that you're not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we've got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it's worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we've come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week's obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we'll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He'd play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He'd earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta's hockey career came in 1991. And we'll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here's a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I'm guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league's celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter's @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it's not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn't always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here's Erik Karlsson, who's Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here's Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here's the Sedin twins, who sadly don't turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren't completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL's very first goal—scored by Montreal's Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it's out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he's one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it's not like the guy is perfect. So today, let's head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they'll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it's 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They're the host country for this year's tournament, and are seeking what would be the country's first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who's about to head to the NHL, and they're feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I'd make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can't throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don't want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You've been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We're quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I'll just refer to as "Way Too Enthusiastic Dude." The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it's Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night's induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I'm fine with that, but don't act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it's a matchup with Finland's top rival, Team Sweden. It's a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the "ICE HOCKEY" text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here's my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D'oh! That's hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's bang on, no need to google this any further.

I've got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn't already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don't go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn't any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let's just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he'd be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we're all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they'd get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he's in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn't getting any older.

(That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don't sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here's Komarov's response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It's of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he's on the ice.

Yep, it's the old "forget to take off my skate guards" mistake. We've all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right...Maybe...Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as "chaotic," "crazy," "out of control," and "an old-fashioned dust-up." References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone's talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let's take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there's no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it's fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It's easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you're a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night's worth of NHL action. And it wasn't rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I'm not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here's one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here's Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It's from a brawl that's best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don't have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don't want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there's a very good chance that if this week's Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn't even have made the highlights. You'd have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn't playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you're well aware that you're not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we've got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it's worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we've come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week's obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we'll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He'd play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He'd earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta's hockey career came in 1991. And we'll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here's a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I'm guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league's celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter's @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it's not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn't always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here's Erik Karlsson, who's Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here's Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here's the Sedin twins, who sadly don't turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren't completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL's very first goal—scored by Montreal's Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it's out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he's one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it's not like the guy is perfect. So today, let's head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they'll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it's 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They're the host country for this year's tournament, and are seeking what would be the country's first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who's about to head to the NHL, and they're feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I'd make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can't throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don't want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You've been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We're quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I'll just refer to as "Way Too Enthusiastic Dude." The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it's Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night's induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I'm fine with that, but don't act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it's a matchup with Finland's top rival, Team Sweden. It's a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the "ICE HOCKEY" text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here's my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D'oh! That's hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's bang on, no need to google this any further.

I've got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn't already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don't go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn't any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let's just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he'd be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we're all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they'd get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he's in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn't getting any older.

(That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don't sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here's Komarov's response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It's of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he's on the ice.

Yep, it's the old "forget to take off my skate guards" mistake. We've all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right...Maybe...Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as "chaotic," "crazy," "out of control," and "an old-fashioned dust-up." References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone's talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let's take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there's no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it's fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It's easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you're a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night's worth of NHL action. And it wasn't rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I'm not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here's one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here's Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It's from a brawl that's best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don't have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don't want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there's a very good chance that if this week's Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn't even have made the highlights. You'd have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn't playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you're well aware that you're not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we've got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it's worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we've come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week's obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we'll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He'd play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He'd earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta's hockey career came in 1991. And we'll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here's a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I'm guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league's celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter's @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it's not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn't always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here's Erik Karlsson, who's Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here's Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here's the Sedin twins, who sadly don't turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren't completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL's very first goal—scored by Montreal's Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it's out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he's one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it's not like the guy is perfect. So today, let's head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they'll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it's 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They're the host country for this year's tournament, and are seeking what would be the country's first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who's about to head to the NHL, and they're feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I'd make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can't throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don't want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You've been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We're quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I'll just refer to as "Way Too Enthusiastic Dude." The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it's Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night's induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I'm fine with that, but don't act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it's a matchup with Finland's top rival, Team Sweden. It's a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the "ICE HOCKEY" text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here's my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D'oh! That's hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's bang on, no need to google this any further.

I've got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn't already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don't go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn't any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let's just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he'd be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we're all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they'd get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he's in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn't getting any older.

(That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut

Three stars of comedy

The third star: Torey Krug and David Pastrnak – The spin is nice, but don't sleep on the synchronized stopping.

Hey, speaking of Bruins pairing off in interesting ways…

The second star: Brad Marchand and Leo Komarov – Look, the heart wants what it wants.

(Here's Komarov's response.)

The first star: Tomas Tatar – The clip is from a few months ago, but Tatar only posted it publicly this week. It's of his first time on the ice at the Red Wings new arena. Literally. He takes on step, and he's on the ice.

Yep, it's the old "forget to take off my skate guards" mistake. We've all been there, Tomas. Good to know if happens to the pros too.

The NHL Actually Got Something Right...Maybe...Depending on Your Perspective

One of the biggest stories of the week was a line brawl that broke out late in a game between the Flames and Red Wings on Wednesday night. The situation began with a fight between Luke Witkowski and Brett Kulak, and it escalated when Calgary pest Matthew Tkachuk tapped Witkowski on the leg on his way to the locker room, causing the Red Wing to return to the ice. That helped lead to another fight that spilled into the tunnel thanks to an open bench door, plus several other scrums and some players getting involved from the benches. At one point it looked like it might include a goalie fight.

Witkowski will probably get ten games for coming back after leaving the playing surface, Tkachuk somehow got a spearing major for that tap, and we can expect plenty of fines and maybe even an additional suspension or two. You can watch the whole thing here.

The brawl has been variously described as "chaotic," "crazy," "out of control," and "an old-fashioned dust-up." References to old-time hockey were plentiful.

So since everyone's talking about the Flames and Red Wings, let's take this as an opportunity for a reminder: Holy crap, has the NHL ever come a long way when it comes to getting fights and brawls out of the game.

I mean, the Wings and Flames thing was bad, there's no doubt, especially when it briefly spilled into the tunnel. Somebody could have got hurt there, and it's fortunate that the officials were able to get things under control before things erupted even further.

But the fact this is headline news in the hockey world right now just shows how much the game has changed. It's easy to forget now—or not to even know, if you're a relatively new fan—but stuff like this used to happen all the time. A line brawl or two used to be standard issue for a night's worth of NHL action. And it wasn't rare to see things get far more out of control.

An old-fashioned dust-up? I'm not so sure it was. I mean, this is what a brawl looked like in the 1960s, featuring a player attacking a linesman and fans throwing punches from the stands.

Here's one from the 1980s, which spans an intermission and includes a career-ending sucker punch.

Heck, here's Dave Manson taking the same 10-game suspension Witkowski will probably get. It's from a brawl that's best remembered for two of the players not fighting. We thought this was funny back then, even though it features a dangerous cheap shot, a linesman getting crushed from behind, two players pummeling one defenseless opponent at the same time, and only stops short of becoming a full bench-clearer because John Kordic of all people pulls Wendel Clark back to the bench.

And of course, I don't have to remind Red Wings fans about this:

Look, I don't want to go all cane-waving grandpa on you kids, but there's a very good chance that if this week's Flames/Wings brawl had happened in, like, 1991, it wouldn't even have made the highlights. You'd have watched your nightly sportscast without ever hearing about it, until it got mentioned in passing when the Wings came to town and they had to explain why Witkowski wasn't playing.

And yes, I realize that your view of whether all of this a good thing or not will vary based on your perspective. Some of you will see this as a clear sign of progress, of a league getting the silly and often dangerous sideshows out of the sport and letting the actual game take center stage for a change. Others will mumble about how the league was better back when this stuff happened from time to time, even though you're well aware that you're not supposed to say that out loud these days.

And maybe others are like me, stuck in the middle between being glad that we've got a far safer and saner league today while also vaguely missing a time when we could enjoy the sideshow stuff without realizing how dangerous it could be.

But whichever group you fall into, it's worthwhile to take a moment every now and then to understand and/or appreciate how much the game has changed, because we've come a million miles on this stuff. The Wings and Flames gave us that chance this week.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

This week's obscure player is Hannu Virta, for reasons we'll get to in a bit.

Virta was a Finnish defenseman who was drafted by the Sabres in the second round of the 1981 draft after coach and GM Scotty Bowman had snuck over to see him play overseas. He was viewed as a bit of a steal at the time, although that was before we realized that the blue-liner the Canadiens grabbed two picks later would turn out to be slightly better. Virta came over to North America and debuted for Buffalo later that season, playing three games before settling into regular NHL duty in 1982-83. That first full season was his best, as he scored 13 goals and had 37 points as a rookie. He'd play three more seasons in Buffalo before heading back home to Finland at the age of 23 to complete his military service. He stayed, and quickly became a star in the Finnish Elite League. He'd earn top defenseman honors four times, and also became a regular on the national team. After retiring, he became a head coach in the league.

But despite all of that, the unquestioned highlight of Virta's hockey career came in 1991. And we'll get to it in the Classic YouTube section. Here's a hint: It involves ice hockey.

New Entries for the Hockey Dictionary

Goal DNA – A neat historical project that I'm guessing readers of this column might appreciate, especially as the league's celebration of its own history kicks into overdrive this weekend. Goal DNA is the work of Twitter's @suicidepass, based on a similar idea used in baseball by Jesse Spector, and has been unfolding over the last month or so.

It works like this: Take any player from any point in league history, and figure out who he scored his very first NHL goal against. Then you take that goaltender, and figure out who he gave up his first goal to. Then you keep going, alternating back and forth between goalies and players, and see how far back into history you can reach.

Sometimes, it's not all that far—if a player and goalie had their first goal against each other, for example, then that kills the thread. And sometimes you can run into problems with the historical record, which isn't always clear about who was in net for a specific goal.

But sometimes you get something really cool. For example, here's Erik Karlsson, who's Goal DNA stretches all the way back to the first game played by the original Ottawa Senators 100 years ago.

Or here's Auston Matthews, whose chain links to Maple Leaf legends Terry Sawchuk and Syl Apps, by way of Hall-of-Fame forwards Paul Kariya, Mike Bossy and Marcel Dionne.

Here's the Sedin twins, who sadly don't turn out to have identical Goal DNA but do converge in the 1960s thanks to Cesare Maniago. (For reasons that aren't completely clear, Cesare Maniago shows up in a lot of these.)

So far, efforts to find a Goal DNA that traces all the way back to the NHL's very first goal—scored by Montreal's Dave Ritchie against Sammy Hebert one minute into the first ever game—have come up empty, but it's out there somewhere. You can follow the fun on Twitter with the #GoalDNA hashtag.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Teemu Selanne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday, and everyone has spent the week saying nice things about him. And rightfully so – he's one of the most talented and popular players of the modern era. But it's not like the guy is perfect. So today, let's head back to 1991 as we remind ourselves that even the greats occasionally do things they'll regret.

(A huge thanks to reader Niklas for sending in the clip. Remember, if you have a clip you think I need to be aware or, email me.)

So it's 1991 and Team Finland is preparing for the World Hockey Championships. They're the host country for this year's tournament, and are seeking what would be the country's first ever medal at the event. The team features plenty of talent, including a certain winger who's about to head to the NHL, and they're feeling confident. But how best to show that to the world?

Yes, by now regular readers know the answer: With a terrible song. Here we go.

As best I can tell, the three wacky characters at the start of the clip are from Kummeli, a Finnish comedy crew. I'd make some sort of crack about the humor being lost in translation, but my country is responsible for The Love Guru, so I can't throw stones.

Last chance to hit mute if you don't want a Finnish hockey song stuck in your head for the next week. You've been warned.

We see some mysterious hands working a sound mixer, and the music begins. We're quickly introduced to our singers: five guys in Team Finland jerseys and a guy I'll just refer to as "Way Too Enthusiastic Dude." The hockey players include national team members Esa Keskinen, Pasi Huura and Sakari Lindfors, plus our old pal form the obscure player section, Hannu Virta.

The final player looks vaguely familiar, in the sense that it's Teemu Selanne and he looks exactly the same as he did at Monday night's induction ceremony. Seriously, he and Paul Kariya were best friends, teammates in Anaheim, followed each other to Colorado when they were free agents, went into the Hall of Fame on the same night and also neither one of them has aged a day since the early 90s. If everyone else wants to just pretend this is OK then I'm fine with that, but don't act surprised when this all turns out to be the plot of some weird Stephen King novel.

As per terrible hockey music video bylaws, shots of our singers are interspersed with clips from one and only one game. In this case, it's a matchup with Finland's top rival, Team Sweden. It's a real mixed bag, featuring genuinely cool highlights of a Swedish player being checked into the bench and a nice Finnish goal, as well as shots of guys winning faceoffs or just falling down. Look, it was 1991—if you wanted highlights of Team Finland in international tournaments, you took what you could get.

We also meet the star of the video: Whoever did the "ICE HOCKEY" text animations. I think that guy burned through all 16 fonts we had back in 1991.

My very favorite moment in the video comes about a minute in, when you can pinpoint the exact moment Selanne realizes this is a bad idea:

Here's my best attempt at transcribing the lyrics:

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

D'oh! That's hockey.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

And teriyaki.

Ice hockey, ice hockey!

Gopher hockey.

Senior homes taste yucky.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's bang on, no need to google this any further.

I've got to be honest, they reeled me in a little with the dramatic bridge. They even feature a clip of Finland scoring a goal, which would be inspiring it they hadn't already used that same goal a minute earlier. Had…had Finland only ever scored one goal against Sweden? I think they may have.

Don't go getting cocky, Team Sweden, this isn't any worse than your song from 1989.

We close out with a few more closeups of our smiling singers and their, let's just say it, absolutely impeccable Finnish hockey hair. We also see a few more shots of those hands working the sound board, but never find out who they belong to. I was so sure the camera was going to pan up at the end and reveal that it was Neil Sheehy all along. Or, as he'd be known in Finland, Neeiil Sheeeehy.

We get one more Kummeli appearance, and we're all done. Finland would go on to fail to medal at the 1991 tournament. But they'd get their first medal the next year, and win gold in 1995, so this song may well have been the turning point.

As for Selanne, he stayed in Finland for one more year and then signed his first NHL contract with…Calgary? Yeah, it was a weird time. He wound up with Winnipeg, and soon he was scoring 76 goals as a rookie to kick off a career that spanned two decades. Now he's in the Hall of Fame. And he still isn't getting any older.

(That's probably a good thing, actually. I'm told that senior homes taste yucky.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com or find him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Line Brawls, Goal DNA, and Teemu Selanne's Singing Debut published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv