#two pretty mets ways to lose the world series (i mean '15 was definitely a more mets way by a ton but '00 still looks pretty mets to me)

[sortanonymous]

*Sees it's May, when we literally couldn't be more separated from playoff baseball and everyone's focused on two completely different sports' postseasons* "How about a World Series video, guys!"

Every World Series-Winning Run of the Wild Card Era (1995-2023)

aka the run that makes it a number the opposing team never reaches in the deciding game; for example, the 2nd run in a 5-1 final. (oops, sorry Dodgers fans!) If you're familiar with hockey and its rules on "game-winning goals", then it's like that.

[swinterr]

fic rec vii ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

kpop oc/s

1. jane by @baejiyeonz

2. bee by @purpleyellow

3. lian by @nct-lian

4. taehui by @jeontaehui

nct

sungchan

1. [10:47 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

haechan

1. [5:21] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. you’re warm by @dreamystuffers | f

- a drunk hyuck can only mean a clingy hyuck.

3. you’re short too by @pastelsicheng | f

- 5 times hyuck teases u for ur height.

4. no title by @heychan | s 

- dirty thought cockwarming haechan and johnny comes in to the room while you are trying to hide it but haechan doesn’t care.

5. wishes by @lucaswithnoshirt | a f

- standing on stage is everything you’ve dreamed of. except in the time it’s taken you to get there, you’ve been dreaming about other things, too.

jaehyun

1. moving in: the series by @jaehyun-ified | f

- after agreeing to move-in with jaehyun, you decided to curate a little series on your channel to both give in to your viewer’s request to have jaehyun frequently on your contents and to document your moving in process with the love of you life.

2. [8:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam. 

3. boyfriend by @simpsiren | a 

- a relationship with jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. there wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

4. best part by @okayoongii | f

- don’t know how to describe this tho, just read it. also 10/10

5. can i help you? by @sugarjaee | f s

- when working an extra long shift at work, your boyfriend surprises you with a visit.

6. stages of love by @biletdoux | a f s

- a playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart. 

7. [9:04 am] by @jeongvision | // f

- domestic fluffy blurb. 10/10!!

8. suds by @kim-taehung | s

- first person to move does the dishes for a week. nothing is off-limits.

9. promise by @bvbyxuxi | f a

- jaehyun has loved you since you were both kids, things were going well until he messed everything up; meeting again as young adults, he refuses to let you go again but would you give him another chance?

mark

1. one minus on plus one by @wonjaekook | f a 

- in all of the years you’ve known jungwoo, you should have figured out to not take his words at face value because, though you haven’t even met, mark lee seems to hate your guts. 

2. [12:03] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. pretty boy by @epinebleue | f a

- fluff, the tiniest bit of angst, the reader is two years older than mark, jaehyun makes an appearance as the reader’s fuck buddy, use of alcohol and drugs (marijuana), mentions of violence (mark punches someone), smut (protected sex, inexperienced!mark, dry humping).

4. camera flash by @morkleemelon | f

- mark taking a picture but forgot to remove flash waking up oc, pretty fluffy and cute! 10/10!!!

5. retrouvailles by @kireimarkeu | f

- counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

jungwoo

1. [1:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

johnny

1. man-icure by @haejunehui | f

- based on jcc ep. 26

taeyong

1. reverb by @lovingonrepeat | s

- taeyong + studio sex. 

2. unspoken by @bvbyxuxi | f s 

- you had never thought to see taeyong again after your one night stand with him until this year where he takes you by surprise; turns out he wasn’t the guy you sought him out to be after all.

ten

1. [2:32 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

lucas

1. [4:31 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. king of hearts by @raibebe | f s a

- a little bit of everything, a chef’s kiss. 

yuta

1. [5:51 pm ] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

doyoung 

1. redamancy by @heavenlyhaechan | f

- this is just so fluffy! i wished to be doyong gf please. 

2. fools together by @yongiefilms | f

- two fools in love with each other? 

3. acedia by @jaeminscoffee | f

- a day in the life of yours and doyoung's love life.

4. our little secret by @haejunehui | f

- read to know their little secret. hehe.

5. caught red handed by @hannie-dul-set | f

- all you wanted to do was take a picture of the handsome law student during your train ride home. you did not expect things to end up like this.

jeno

1. i see red by @0097linersb | s

- pure filth 🥵10/10 tho.

2. addiction by @love-mi | s f

- you and jeno keep your relationship a secret to avoid backlash from your companies and fans; but keeping himself away only makes him want you more.

3. surprise visit by @nakamotonudes | f s

- you hadn’t seen your boyfriend for over a month because of his hectic schedule so when he suddenly shows up at your place one night for a surprise visit, you both have to make every second worth it.

bts

jungkook

1. the pitter-patter of the heart by @koorara | f s a //

- pieces of newlywed domestic moments with jungkook, your husband. the young film and literature lecturer and his wife, you, who works as a journalist of a web magazine. both of you managing the career, the time for each other and the new house. not to forget, chip, the cat that has been with you for years. 

2. please love me by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a 

- as the only unmarried jeon and kim children, your families propose a union to symbolize your unbreakable bond that spans generations. but despite developing an affection for jungkook growing up, he never returned it; he never seemed to like you, actually. you’re okay with the proposal, but surprise surprise, he isn’t.

3. first love, last love by @floralseokjin | f s //

- a collection of drabbles following the longterm relationship between jungkook and you... 

4. second chances by @parkhabits | a s

- work. one of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. his work had become the mistress within your marriage. years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. get him to sign the damn divorce papers. yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily. 

5. crush by @jungxk | f s 

- jungkook woke up with amnesia (?) he totally forgets that he has a wife and child. and he totally has a huge crush on his wife. 

6. bare necessities by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- when you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to disneyland out of all places. luckily, jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. or is it…

7. krampus for christmas by @ddaenysus | f

- when your daughter overhears your nightly activities close to christmas, jungkook takes it upon himself to convince her it was the sounds of the legendary demon goat.

8. a date with destiny by @imjustfanfictrash | f s

- you are a boss lady in the tech industry traveling to world for work. he is a chart-topping artist touring the globe to perform in front of millions of fans. In the cosmos of life, you are not likely to cross paths. luckily, fate has a different plan for you two.

9. stranded by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- jungkook’s offer to help you study for your exam is unwelcome. his entire presence is unwelcome. you don’t want help from the guy who passes all his classes without even trying. it’s annoying — he is annoying. from the way he grins whenever he catches you staring at him, to the way his eyes shine whenever he smiles at you. oh, and let’s not forget the way his tattoos shift when he stretches or the way his jawline sharpens when he’s focused. nope, you definitely can’t stand him.

10. sprout by @v-hope | f

- after a nice evening out with your friends, you find yourself coming home to your sleeping toddler and the new hairstyle she had tried on your husband.

11. friday nights and take-out by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- you meet pop star/idol jeon jungkook at the café, you get close, and as hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. but you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

12. jealousy by @ephemeralkookie | f s a

- jungkook’s closest friend, namjoon is getting married and he invited you three to his wedding. the only unexpected thing was jisoo, his ex, and we’ll just say that you were not too happy to see her flirting with your boyfriend right under your nose

13. a quarter past us by @jjiimin | f a

- when you break up with him out of fear of losing your freedom in university, he finds himself showing you why leaving him isn’t the answer. 

14. pretty boy by @angelguk | // f s a

- alternatively known as the jock!jk universe drabbles in vague chronological order. 

15. summer solstice by @boulevardk | s

- down on your luck and desperate for a successful harvest, you pray to the gods. you figure no one in heaven was listening to your prayers when nothing happens immediately. but one fateful night, your prayers are answered. are you willing to pay the price? the sacrifice might not be what you were expecting….

16. lilac wisteria by @blushoseoks | f a 

- over the years, things change - but the one constant is your love for lilac wisterias.…okay, maybe jungkook’s been there too.or, alternatively:the first time jeon jungkook says that he is going to marry you, you are five years old sitting underneath a large wisteria tree.

17. obsessed with your ass by @kooklovesu | f s 

- jungkook has an obsession with your body he cant get enough of praising you. he wasn’t comfy showing the world his affection towards you in public because he’s a private guy, but when he finally did, good luck.

18. from home by @gyukult | // f s a

- jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class?

19. black card by @minsprings | // f s

- black card fic and drabbles, also a chef’s kiss.

20. oh my god, they were (quarantined) roommates by @ot7always | f s

- what do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with jeon jungkook - s tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? fuck him, you guess.

21. let the games begin by @venusiangguk | s

- just another fic where oc rides jk in his gaming chair pls still read it tho lmao its hot i promise

22. the probability of us by @jiminrings | f s

- jungkook’s the son of the university’s president, y/n’s cardigan is everyone’s favorite, and adjacent walls mean shared victories. 

23. open when by @iluv-hobi | f

- jungkook likes to write letters to you, especially ones with purposes, like “open when ___”. one day, on a particularly bad day, you open, “open when you’ve had a shitty day”. 

24. good day by @ilikemesometaetaes | f s

- his motive was made quite clear once he called you out of work. he just wanted to spend a nice day with his girlfriend. is that too much to ask for?

25. calculated by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // s 

- some people would call you far too serious. some would call you stuck-up. and some would call you a bitch. but to freshman jeon jungkook, you’re the head calculus I TA noona  – and he’s determined to fuck you.

26. brat taming by @sugasbabiie | s a f

- jungkook has been your roommate for almost a year. since the day he moved in he has acted like nothing but a spoiled little brat who is used to getting anything and anyone he wants. he eats your food, he doesn’t clean, he’s loud, oh and now he has colored his hair the exact shade of blonde as you. He’ll do anything to get under your skin. you’ve had enough of his filthy mouth and his fuckboy ways. it’s time to tame that bratty little roommate of yours. think you can handle it?

27. sugarplum energy by @bymoonchild | f s a

- you know no bounds nor depth with jungkook. while your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on soundcloud. all’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while. or, jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

28. ancient history by @moononthejoon | a s f

- there is no way to deny that you and jungkook have chemistry. the two of you used to be a couple, after all. what happens when after a not-so-amicable breakup the two of you are cast as opposite leads of a movie?

29. that’s not daddy by @nochuobsessed | f

- jungkook comes home with a new hair color and his sons can’t tell if he’s appa or not. pretty cute! 10/10

30. no title by @himbojk | s

- jk got a blowie from his oc while on a zoom class meeting, like cam on with a whole set up but his oc under the table sucking the life out of him while he sits and tries to take notes .

31. dilf jk by @himbojk | // s f

- dilf jk drabbles.

32. no title by @himbojk | s

- blond jk with full tattoo sleeve who looks like the baddest boy but is actually baby and just wants a handie in the library while studying with his oc because she aspires to have those high grades. 

33. no title by @noteguk | s

- bf!jungkook going down on the reader while they watch anime.

34. silent treatment by @blu-joons | f

- baby kook asking daddy kook to say sorry to mommy. 10/10 too!

35. getting railed by @dearlytea | s

- getting dicked by your boyfriend during a train ride.

36. the view by @koyamuses | s

- jungkook knows exactly what turns you on; every kink, every dirty fantasy that’s buried deep within your mind. he knows exactly how to make you beg for it.

37. let’s play: dirty by @jungkxook | f s

- on today’s stream, watch as the king of gaming jeon jungkook gets totally pwned by some newbie player on overwatch (he swears he was stream sniped)! to make matters worse, he can’t seem to focus anymore when you’re in the room but he promises that’s not because he’s in love with you or anything. use code ‘jungkook’ on any game purchase through steam at checkout for 25% off so that jungkook has something to feel better about! iloveyou btw!

38. more dilf!jk by @cutechim | s

- oc thirsting over jk, talk about finances, jungwoo is an innocent cock-block as infants are, disrespect towards a major film franchise. 

39. you are inherently beautiful by @ggukachuwu | f a

- when y/n and jungkook accidentally reveal their relationship to the public because she walked in on him doing a vlive and now netizens and kmedia are tearing apart her appearance because y/n is chubby from struggling with pcos. jungkook takes it upon himself to cheer her up because he absolutely adores her.

40. morning with jk by @min-arya | f

- jungkook drabble of him catching his s/o admiring him in the morning with soft sleepy cuddles.

41. even a forest fire dies out by @9uk | a s

- it became from “grab a coffee with me?” to “why should I grab a coffee with you?” too fast for your liking. you had thought the both of you were so in love with each other—only to realise it was only you who had fallen into this trap of feelings. and as for jungkook, he might have just been as confused as you are.

42. all that we had by @starlightauroras-writes | a s

- four years, two months and five days ago, you lost the love of your life with no explanation. living with a failed marriage at such a young age without knowing why was impossibly hard, and when you’re invited to your high school reunion, knowing he would be there, you really don’t want to go. what happens when you do leaves you questioning fate. 

43. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

44. contentment by @btsqualityy | f s 

- oc’s using jk’s card to buy rug and the rest is history. 10/10!!

45. heartbreaker with a heart of gold by  @filmflowersbangtan | a s

- love this!!! you know i love me some angst! 10/10!!!!!

46. the ikea test by @mercurygguk | f

- you and jeongguk face the IKEA test. successfully? sure!

47. before you universe by @ephemeralkookie | // a f s

- jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you can’t even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out you’re pregnant?  

48. christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks | s f

-  a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend’s parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

49. last minute by @moononthejoon | f s

- christmas day had gone by, and now you were back home after holidays with your family. your friends had agreed to have a late christmas party, but as always, you and jungkook procrastinated gift buying.

50. you go in knowing bros together by @blu-joons | f

- a cute fluffy knowing at knowing bros moment. 

51. no title by @v-hope | f

- the way y/n would react when someone else flirts with jk and how he’d handle the situation.

52. hair dye by @mercurygguk | f s

- jungkook got his hair dyed while at work. you lose your mind the moment he steps through the door.

53. stay gold by @yeojaa | s

- blond!jk being a good boy?

54. crystal snow by @honeyj00ns | f

- when you join Jungkook and the rest of the guys for some fun in the snow, he can’t help but feel jealous.

55. 6:21 am by @sincerelyourfangirl | f

- in which he makes your morning extra special.

56. plan b by @btsracket | s

- dressing room quickie, unprotected sex request, use of Plan b pill

57. possession by @bngtanah | s

- jungkook is your boyfriend, sometimes you have to remind him what that means.

58. puffs and touches by @mintseesaw | f s

- “Stop doing that with your face, someone else is going to snatch you up”

59. the quiet things by @btsracket | s

- sleeping bag sex.

60. good boy by @ephemeralkookie | s

- secret, read to find out AHAHAHHA.

61. make it right by @jungkxook | a s

- you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

62. it takes two by @junghelioseok | s

- struggling with the idea of your ex-boyfriend moving on, you enlist the help of your quiet roommate in a scheme that quickly spirals out of control.

jimin

1. picking petals by @cutechim | s 

- you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get. 

taehyung

1. daddy by @btsracket | f s 

- there’s only one choice when this happens on a date out.

2. love me or we both go down by @gukyi | f s a

- after going through with an arranged marriage to please his parents and secure his inheritance of the family business, kim taehyung thinks he’s got it all figured out. he doesn’t. apparently just being married to you isn’t enough, not when everybody and their mother can pick up on the fact that the two of you absolutely loathe each other. but taehyung wants his inheritance one way or another, so he decides that desperate times call for desperate measures: the two of you need to fall in love, and you need to fall in love fast.

3. saudade by @jiminssthetic | a s f

- a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it’s time to find out why.

4. ineffable by @99liners | f

- boyfriend taehyung takes care of his sick s/o.

5. tease by @caiuscassiuss | s

- you knew you were hot. you saw how the guys looked at you, how their eyes were drawn to a tight t-shirt or short skirt. and maybe this would fail epically—crash and burn like a failed experiment—but you wanted to get under kim taehyung’s skin the only way you knew how.

6. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

got7

yugyeom

1. yugyeom as you boyfriend by @sunshinekookie | f

- i need more yugyeom fics in my life.

astro

eunwoo

1. rainy say saviour by @imsarahbum | f a

- upon seeing you getting bullied after school for being short, dongmin can’t help but step in and defend you - despite both of you not really knowing anything about each other.

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

[eurydicees]

top 10 ouran manga-only arcs

this is going to be such a long post i apologize in advance. the ranking system has absolutely no criteria other than "does this pass my vibe check.” bonus points were awarded if i could think about tamakyo while reading it; points were also awarded every time tamaki did something cool. this was a delight to make. anyways, without further ado, here are my personal top ten favorites, and no i will not be taking criticism.

1. THE TAMAKI EXTRAVAGANZA

(vol 16 chp 73 - vol 18 chp 80)

PLOT:

So much happens here that I couldn’t think of an actual name, and uh does it count as a single arc? Probably not, but I’m counting it as one because it has a single thread: Tamaki. My beloved. So. First, Tamaki finally, finally, finally moves into Suoh mansion #1, but when he gets there, he gets told that he’s only allowed to study the Suoh business and go to school and nothing else— meaning he has to quit the host club. Shizue threatens to out Haruhi as a girl and ruin her reputation— possibly losing her the scholarship— if Tamaki doesn’t break off all ties with her.

The Host Club disbands. Kyoya begins an Investigation™ into Tamaki’s mother— she had been incredibly weak and unhealthy when Tamaki was a child, but when Kyoya met her, she was pretty healthy. After some sleuthing, the hosts minus Tamaki discover that she probably had Bisco Hatori’s fictional version of lupus, which was cured by a mysterious foundation— which they discover was run by the Grantaine family, funded by the Suoh corporation, and actually researched by the Ootori conglomerate. Literally everyone is in on it. It’s fucking wild. Like. Huge “holy fucking shit I need to stop and take a breath” moment.

This information is suddenly released to the public, and then the Suoh corporation all vote Shizue out of her position, saying that she’s no longer fit for the job. She locks herself in her room and refuses to speak to anyone, breaking Tamaki’s heart. But now that she’s no longer top dog, Anne-Sophie can come to Japan— Yuzuru is super hyped and expects Tamaki to be as well, not understanding that Tamaki’s family fantasy includes his grandmother. Tamaki stops going to school and plays piano every day in order to cheer up the house, eventually luring Shizue out to listen to him play their shared favorite songs from J-dramas.

They begin to bond and Shizue sees that he’s not a failure because of his parentage, but it’s too late because Anne-Sophie is about to fly back to France. All is hopeless.

EXCEPT THEN. All of the hosts and all of the clients realize what’s happening and rush to help him get to his mother. They all adore him so much, and give their all into getting Tamaki to the airport. Shizue finally encourages him to go, realizing— with the help of Haruhi— that she has been bitter and selfish and Tamaki deserves better. They rush to the airport, and through a series of shenanigans that are no match for the combined power of the hosts and every single girl at Ouran, Tamaki makes it to the airport. They make it there JUST in time, and Tamaki gets a five minute reunion with his mother. Haruhi finally confesses to Tamaki that she loves him.

WHY I LOVE IT:

oh my God oh my God oh my GOD. Like. This is just. So much. So Much. We all know that I’m like. The #1 Fan of Tamaki Suoh. Like. President, vice president, treasurer, and secretary of the fan club, all at once. I love him so much, and this just gives him so much development. There is so much opportunity for him to grow and you not only really see who he is as a character, but you also see how much he’s grown as a person from his first introduction. You also get more of a glimpse into the world of Rich People, and the way that all of their families interact with each other, and then also with the way that they interact within their families. It’s just such an intense arc and it’s so beautiful and I love it so much.

2. THE SPORTS COMPETITION

(vol 10 chp 46 - vol 11 chp 49)

PLOT:

This one is HARD to rank, because I love it, but it also Hurts. Like. I genuinely cried over this one, though that’s not actually saying much because I cry at everything. So. Here’s what’s up. Tamaki gets into this idea of a sports festival, and then Kuze wanders in to fight Kyoya again, so Tamaki suggests a competition between the two of them. This is a very Tamaki thing to do, but Kyoya gets fed up with it and refuses to participate— until Kuze accuses him of being “Suoh’s pet” and that he’ll always let Tamaki win, and then Kyoya gets fired the fuck up.

But he’s still bitter at Tamaki for starting this, so the two of them stop talking and my heart breaks. This does not stop Tamaki from having heart eyes for Kyoya 24/7. Hikaru and Kaoru are assigned to competing teams, and begin their Very Long Journey into not being so codependent— Hikaru is on the red team with Tamaki, Haruhi, and Kuze; Kaoru is on the white team with Kyoya and Honey.

Essentially, each team goes through rounds of races in different areas that are like. Complete bullshit games, but whatever. It’s Rich People World. The white team gets ahead; the red team performs a scene from a Shakespeare show to rally their losing team together and begins to win, until they’re on even footing. The final race is between Kyoya and Tamaki.

There’s a heartbreaking series of panels of Tamaki just… thinking about Kyoya. I cannot get enough of it. Then there’s an even more heartbreaking series of panels of Kyoya just… thinking about Tamaki. You realize, alongside the other hosts, that Tamaki pushed for this race not really for benefit or fun, but to give Kyoya a chance to compete in something for real, without having to set it up so that Tamaki wins (as we see in the race for the central salon). It’s a chance for him to win and not put his family first. Tamaki still tried his best, because Kyoya would hate him if he threw the race, but he lost because Kyoya fought with the intention of winning for HIMSELF, and not just playing support to Tamaki or impressing his father.

Finally, in the last panel, it’s revealed that the class trip will be to France.

WHY I LOVE IT:

God it burns so good. So Good. The Tamakyo, the Hikaru & Kaoru character growth, the Kyoya development, the Tamaki being so so so good, the Kyoya being so brilliant, everything oh my lord. This is really one of the biggest points of Kyoya’s character development, and it’s the first place I’m going to point to when thinking accurately about who he is as a person. It shows who he is, and who he believes he is, and who he wants to be, and who other people see him as. It’s also just a Tamakyo goldmine, even though they don’t ever actually talk. It’s so beautiful and it makes me cry.

3. THE ORIENTEERING RACE

(vol 14 chp 66 - vol 15 chp 68)

PLOT:

In an attempt to make Tamaki realize that the hosts all love him just as much as he loves them, the hosts sans Tamaki put together an orienteering race. There are six checkpoints, each one with a task to be completed in order to get an ingredient that will make the best meal at the end of the race.

Hikaru and Kaoru play the return of the “Which one is Hikaru?” game, knowing that Tamaki has been able to tell them apart for a while by now; Nekozawa’s checkpoint is a quiz on cursed items, knowing that Tamaki is familiar with Beelzenef; Honey’s checkpoint is a game of whack-a-mole with little mini Usa-chans, knowing that Tamaki isn’t afraid of making him upset over a game, though all the girls are; Mori’s is a sword slicing thing to show that Tamaki will never give up on something; Haruhi’s is a “tell the truth or never pass” kind of thing; and Kyoya’s is a crossword puzzle of all the answers made up of things from previous club themes.

Tamaki pairs up with Konoya— who is in love with him and is the “perfect Haruhi” trope— and realizes that she’s incredibly different from Haruhi, and that he loves Haruhi for who she is and not who he thought he wanted her to be. He also realizes that— because the hosts have gone through all of this for him— they do love him for who he is, no matter what, no matter the bad parts of his personality, and they’re never leaving him.

WHY I LOVE IT:

Look. We know that anything about Tamaki is gonna make me happy. I am a simple woman and so easy to please. This is literally just three chapters about how much all of the hosts love Tamaki and want him to be happy. I cannot express in words how rewarding it is to watch Tamaki realize how important he is and how much he’s loved— because he is loved, he’s so loved, he’s so so so loved. This is also the arc with the building block / building a home metaphor, and it destroyed me both physically and emotionally (vol 14 chp 66). This is where the found family is really solidified, and we all love a good dosage of found family.

4. RACE FOR THE CENTRAL SALON / THE SCHOOL FAIR

(vol 6 chp 22 - vol 6 chp 26)

PLOT:

This is where the anime diverges from the manga, and I have to say that this version of the school fair is just so much better than the anime version. Like. Just So Much Better. Basically, the club is setting up for the school fair, and the best spot to set up— essentially, the spot that will get the most foot traffic form the parents— is in the central salon. To figure out which club is going to get the spot, they all compete in a literal race, both mind games and physical games and it just slaps overall.

The b-plot is that the Host Club is getting threatening letters telling them to drop out of the race, alongside blank papers that are sent with the notes; the hosts have to figure out who is sending the notes and confront it. This is the arc that introduces both Kuze and Yuzuru Suoh for the first time. Kuze is captain of the football team and Kyoya’s rival and also definitely his secret ex-boyfriend. Chairman Suoh is… just. A lot. Just. That’s it. A Lot. He’s A Lot.

Anyways, part of the winning race is capturing this crown that’s hidden on campus, which turns out to be at a swimming pool. The football team gets there at the same time as Haruhi, and Kuze pushes her into the pool and goes for the crown. Kyoya and Tamaki reach her at the same time— Tamaki’s instinct is to go for Haruhi, but Kyoya tells him to get the crown and thus the glory of winning, while Kyoya rescues Haruhi.

Later, it turns out that Yuzuru was sending the blank papers with harmless messages written in invisible ink as a prank to emphasize the literal hate mail that the hosts were getting. The follow up to the race is the actual school fair, where we meet Yoshio and Shizue. Fuck Shizue, not even going to get into that right now because I WILL cry, but just know that it’s even worse than it is in the anime. Yoshio, though, is eons better in the manga than in the anime— he is genuinely proud of Kyoya and says that he actually wouldn’t mind appointing Kyoya as heir.

WHY I LOVE IT:

Volume 6 does SO MUCH for Kyoya and Tamaki and we all know that I’m ride or die for the two of them. Kyoya finally gets a chance to shine as team leader and it’s what he deserves! Tamaki takes a little more of a backseat, which I don’t even mind, because Kyoya does such a good job of pulling attention here. The scene at the swimming pool is just so good— it really shows the huge amount of trust between Tamaki and Kyoya, and does a good job of setting up the relationship they need to have as Rich People, outside of their friendship, which is something that we don’t see a lot of. Overall, it’s a very Kyoya-centric arc, and it does amazing things for the development of his character and personality. It’s one of the biggest insights into how he functions as a kind of mastermind for the club. We also finally get Tamaki’s full-ish backstory, which genuinely makes me cry every time.

5. THE HITACHIIN FAMILY

(vol 10 chp 45 / vol 11 chp 51 - vol 12 chp 53)

PLOT:

So this is technically two plot lines, but I’m going to count it as one because it’s all about the twins, my loves. In vol 10 chp 45, we get a little insight into the life of the Hitachiin family and why the twins are as fucked up as they are. Quick rundown— their parents can tell them apart but pretend not to for whatever godforsaken reason; Kaoru admits he’s in love with Haruhi for the first time and Hikaru remains oblivious; Kaoru begins to realize how unhealthy he and Hikaru’s relationship is and how, one day, they aren’t going to be able to have all of the same things; there’s a cookie metaphor; Tamaki gets lost in the Hitachiin manion; it’s all a good time.

In volumes 11 and 12, we begin the actual split between the twins, where they realize that they can’t stay the way that they are forever. They can’t be one person forever. They realize this in a fight over Haruhi, where Hikaru suggests they “share” her as a sister, and Kaoru rightfully thinks this is bullshit. They get in their first— and only— genuinely real argument. Hikaru breaks down in Mori’s house, Kaoru breaks down at Honey’s place, literally no one is happy and I am crying.

Kaoru asks Haruhi out on a date, and then ends the date by explaining that he could never date her knowing that it would be hurting Hikaru. Haruhi is, understandably, very confused by this whole thing, and no one is telling her anything.

Kaoru then makes up with Hikaru, saying that he’ll give up on trying to pursue Haruhi, but tells him that they actually do need to live separate lives at some point— and that point might as well be now. He wants to break apart entirely, but Hikaru explains that while they need to break apart in a lot of ways and find their own identities, they can never fully forget each other. They agree that they can influence and love each other without depending on each other for a personality.

They keep up the incest ACT at the club, though. Bisco Hatori couldn’t manage to write her way out of that one.

WHY I LOVE IT:

So this one just. Really hits home for me. It’s a genuinely heart wrenching arc, and the progression of the whole thing was just so slow and so steady and it was so well done. The twins are two of my favorite characters in the show/manga, and their relationship is something that I can analyze for days, and this arc is a huge part of why it’s so interesting. It does amazing things for both of them as developing characters, but it does even more amazing things for their character growth as people. It also provides a nice catalyst for the Hikaru/Tamaki/Haruhi love triangle. Anyways, it made me cry and apparently that’s my only criteria.

6. THE FRANCE ARC

(vol 10 chp 46 - vol 12 chp 56)

PLOT:

On the Ouran 2nd year school trip to France, Kyoya decides he’s going to spend the trip searching for Tamaki’s mother, rather than spending it with the other students. He works himself to death trying to find her— he ends up literally falling asleep on the ground because he’s so exhausted from searching and taking literally no breaks. Kyoya finds her eventually, and has a really nice conversation with her— she has a bunch of photos of Tamaki, and clearly is constantly thinking about him. When he gets back to Japan, he tells Tamaki about her— about how beautiful she is, about how she smiles, about how she thinks of her son every day.

We get more of Tamaki’s backstory, and his close relationship from his mother and how his mantra— living life in Japan to the fullest and being as happy as he can be every day— all comes from his mother. She told him that she’s happiest when he’s smiling, and so when he leaves her behind in France, he decides to be smiling every day and make everyone around him smile as well.

While Kyoya is in France, Tamaki stays behind in Japan— he gets closer to his father, who offers to begin to train him to take over the Suoh business. He visits Haruhi, and tells her a little bit about his life in France, and Haruhi’s love for Tamaki begins to make an appearance for the first time.

WHY I LOVE IT:

So I went into this list thinking that this would be my favorite plot, so it’s wild to me that it didn’t even make the top five. It’s kind of weird and I didn’t expect it, but I’m still satisfied with this list. Anyways, I really love this one, even if it’s not the top five. It’s like. The ultimate Tamakyo story, and there’s just. There’s just so much to unpack there. Like. We don’t have time for me to go through the whole thing and analyze every part of it because there’s just so much of it. It’s so good, and it makes my heart grow three sizes. It’s another brilliant development piece for Kyoya, and shows his softer side, as well as just how much he loves Tamaki.

7. MORI AND HONEY GRADUATE

(vol 15 chp 71 - vol 16 chp 72)

PLOT:

Honey and Mori announce that, after graduation, they’ll be splitting up and going to different universities. This proceeds to emotionally destroy literally everyone except for them. Mori is challenged to a series of duels at the Kendo club in which he has to fight every underclassman who wants the honor of fighting him before he graduates. He’s exhausted and worn down, and he loses to a second year, which is bad for like. Honor reasons. RIP. Anyways. He reveals that he’s just been really worried about something but before he can tell anyone, he has to duel Honey. It hurts.

They start preparing for the fight— which Kyoya is capitalizing off of via movie rights and betting rings— and scare everyone that they’re going to never speak again. When the fight comes, they fight on the Windswept Hill™ at Ouran (the same place that Chika and Honey fight on way back when). They go for it and pull no punches, until Honey tries to do a flying kick and Mori catches him and gently places him outside of the boundaries of the fighting ring, thus winning the duel.

Because he won, he pulls out a sheet of paper in which he’s written down all of the things that Honey needs to do in university because Mori isn’t going to be there to take care of him: brush his teeth, cut down the cake by 90%, and stop bringing Usa-chan to classes. Mori felt that he didn’t have the right to tell him these things until they were on equal level because he had won the duel.

They make up and everything is okay— they graduate, everyone cries, including me. Kasanoda gives Mori flowers, it’s all very cute. Haruhi makes cookies, and when Tamaki goes running down the hallway to find her, they bump into each other and drop all of the cookies. While they’re picking them up, they share the classic ~accidental kiss~.

WHY I LOVE IT:

This is one of the only Honey & Mori-centric plotlines that gets fully fleshed out and like. More than a chapter. It really does lovely things for their relationship, and it’s the end of an era. Even though it’s the end of an era, though, the resolution is incredibly satisfying— Honey and Mori’s stories are wrapping up, but it’s really well done. It’s sad, but it’s a really rewarding ending. They’re such sweet boys. Also, it’s not like they’re gone forever, so it’s all okay.

8. REIKO x HONEY

(vol 10 chp 41)

PLOT:

Reiko is part of the Black Magic Club, and falls in love with Honey when he gives her a hand in getting up after she trips over Usa-chan. However, she believes that falling in love with Honey is equivalent to him “stealing her soul,” and so she uses “curses” to steal his soul back. These curses are basically just love spells. 

In the end, Honey tells her to just, like, be herself. Talk about her interests. Get to know him. Be honest. Then she won’t need love spells to make him like her. Even if she messes up or is awkward or says something weird, he’ll still like her because she’s being true to herself. This is one of the only Honey-centric chapters, and Reiko is one of my favorite side characters.

WHY I LOVE IT:

They’re the OG goth x pastel couple. The blueprint for all other couples. Icons. I love them so much. This makes it on the list just because I love their relationships. I also love the whole Moral Of The Story, in that it’s important to be true to yourself. It’s so sweet it hurts.

9. HARUHI AND TAMAKI’S FIRST DATE

(vol 18 chp 81 - vol 18 chp 82)

PLOT:

So. Right after the two of them confess their love to each other, everyone expects them to get together and be a couple right away, but Haruhi is just kinda chilling. She’s not super stressed about dating, it’s just a relief to have said it out loud. Meanwhile, Tamaki is kind of a mess, stressing out over their first date and trying to make it as perfect as he possibly can. Seeing him so stressed, all of the hosts band together to help him out in planning a date. When Tamaki finally gets up the nerve to ask her out, he falls in the fountain and Haruhi has to fish him out. She’s then the one to ask him out to the amusement park.

In true Tamaki fashion, he gets incredibly stressed out again. He gets fashion advice from a series of unfashionable people. The hosts sneak around the amusement park and follow them around, finding out that it’s actually going really well, as long as they’re not interfering. After the Lobelia girls show up and try to sabotage the date, Tamaki and Haruhi run away— while Kyoya Handles™ the situation— and they go to her mother’s grave. There, it’s revealed that Haruhi will be going on an exchange program to America.

WHY I LOVE IT:

It’s just. So cute. Like. I’m Tamakyo for life, but I do adore them so much. It’s lower on the list because of the sheer amount of second hand embarrassment, but overall, I loved reading this one. Tamaki is just so genuine and earnest about everything he does, and I think these chapters do a lot to show why the two of them work as a couple. It also does lovely characterization points for Haruhi, and begins to wrap up the ending. Bonus points for a jealous and heartbroken Kyoya.

10. PRINCESS MICHELLE

(vol 9 chp 38 - vol 9 chp 39)

PLOT:

Princess Michelle comes to Ouran to do a week of school in Japan. After meeting her, Tamaki essentially puts him and the Host Club at her beck and call, doing anything that he can to make her happy, no matter how insanely extravagant her demands are. Everyone else finds this infuriating, until Kyoya points out that Michelle looks similar to Tamaki’s mother, saying that the last time Tamaki saw his mother, she was crying— and if he sees Michelle smile for real, it might help him picture his mother smiling again.

Overall, it’s just a very soft arc that begins to unfold Tamaki’s family-related trauma. It also kickstarts Tamaki’s realization that he’s in love with Haruhi and doesn’t actually have paternal feelings for her (that’s the whole next chapter, but make it funny rather than introspective); and it’s one of the moments that Haruhi realizes that Tamaki is genuinely just a good person.

WHY I LOVE IT:

I wasn’t sure that this one would make the list at all, but I do really love this story. It’s pretty short, just two chapters, but it’s overall really sweet. I like Michelle as a character a lot— she seems a bit like a bitch at the beginning, but she gets fleshed out and given an actual personality as the chapter goes on. It’s a really good example of Bisco Hatori’s writing.

HONORARY MENTIONS:

Mei (character): probably the most significant character in the manga that doesn’t appear at all in the anime, which is pretty tragic, but I think that the anime really wanted to emphasize that Haruhi doesn’t really have any female friends / friends outside of the hosts. But anyways, she’s Misuzu’s daughter and Haruhi’s friend; she’s lowkey transphobic but she’s getting better! Had a brief crush on Tamaki but she ends with being the #1 Tamaharu stan. Great friend to Haruhi.

The masquerade ball: Haruhi's going away party, and the reveal that she's a girl.

Haruhi gets kidnapped: Haruhi is kidnapped and held for ransom, the hosts find her and break down doors to get there.

[mangadumpingground]

Now some background information on our two favorite girls:

Kurosawa Yurine

In the same class as Ayaka, she is a "genius" in a nutshell. Nobody can beat her and she usually spends her time sleeping. Yet one day, after Ayaka has helped her open herself a tiny bit, she falls in love and becomes obsessed with her, thinking she has found the one person who can best her.

The Ace: She is good at everything she does, be it in studies, sports, or even art. But since she succeeds at everything without even trying, she can't get invested in anything.

Animal Motifs: During her more excitable moments, she's drawn with dog ears.

Asleep in Class: Her default mode. If she's ever seen awake during class, it's because the teacher woke her up.

Caring Gardener: Her increasingly genuine interest in gardening parallels her growing sociability as the series progresses. She starts as an isolated girl who joined the gardening club more or less out of obligation, to a caring senpai who's willing to make friends and tries to make the gardening club prosper again. By the end of the series, she decides that she wants to become a florist.

Character Development: She has gained quite a few social skill points since the beginning of the series, and has become slightly less fixated on Ayaka alone (although she's still her main motivation). She even decides to join a club eventually. Chapter 22-23 is an important step, as for the first time, Yurine tries to interact with Ayaka not as a "rival" or a one-sided crush, but as someone she genuinely cares and worries for, giving her words of comfort that would have been unthinkable at the start of the series. Volume 7, being mostly from her point of view, emphasizes how much more fulfilling her life has become since she met Ayaka… and how much Ayaka, on the other hand, is still stuck in a state of mind not unlike that of the early Yurine.

Cool Big Sis: Sumire sees her as this, and well, she has reasons to.

Covert Pervert: She may not show it all the time, but in addition to their competition, she's also definitely curious of Ayaka's body.

Deuteragonist: She's as much of a protagonist as Ayaka, as a good chunk of the chapters about their relationship are from her own point of view. Her Character Development is also somewhat more noticeable than Ayaka's.

Ditzy Genius: Sure she can ace any test and learn at the speed of light, but that doesn't prevent her from occasionally being strangely clueless or taking odd actions − like trying to catch a paper stuck in a tree, even though it's obviously out of her reach and she's sitting on the second floor window.

Friendless Background: According to herself. In the first chapter, Chiharu notes that her excess of ability makes her hard to approach, and she is pretty distant herself. Though meeting Ayaka, Mizuki and Ai helped her open up it seems.

Green-Eyed Monster: Downplayed but clearly played straight. Yurine envies/admires Ayaka because she has a "role" in their school (see I Just Want to Have Friends below), and participates in life to a degree that Yurine can't.

Heavy Sleeper: Because she feels like she has nothing better to do than sleep, as she considers herself a bother for other people.

I Just Want to Be Normal: She's sick of people praising, relying on or being jealous of her because of her talent. All she wants is to find someone who will make her feel like an ordinary girl, and Ayaka is that person.

I Just Want to Have Friends: Played with. She wants to belong somewhere, but is too dismissive of (or possibly disillusioned from past experiences with) people to engage with them.

Innocently Insensitive: She's so apathetic about talking to anyone, for any reason, that she comes off as rude. By the end of volume 7, she has thankfully improved quite a bit in this department.

Insufferable Genius: Has shades of this when she rubs Ayaka's "no.2" ranking in her face just to piss her off.

Lonely at the Top: And one reason she falls in love with Ayaka is that, finally, someone seems to be able to (eventually) best her.

Luminescent Blush: In chapter 35, she sports this when Ayaka holds her hand (because Yurine forgot her gloves); and later, for the first time her teasing backfires as Ayaka's (supposedly reluctant) kiss completely makes her lose her composure.

Mood-Swinger: Usually aloof and bored, but whenever she is with Ayaka, she can go from euphoric to teasing to pouty to Cloud Cuckoolander, all in an instant. In any case, she is clearly in heaven just by being with her.

No Social Skills: Generally ignores people, doesn't censor her speech, often intrudes on Ayaka's personal space, etc. As of chapter 22, she's improved with regard to the latter.

Photographic Memory: Implied, as she can memorize an entire textbook page with one casual reading.

Too Much Information: She ogles Ayaka. We know this because she tells her.

The Gadfly: An expert at rubbing Ayaka the wrong way.

The Tease: She takes an intense delight in playing with Ayaka, often physically. It can go quite far, yet the latter shows surprisingly little resistance to it.

Single-Target Sexuality: She has eyes only for Ayaka and only seems to feel any kind of satisfaction when she is at her side. Though chapter 11 subverts this when Ayaka tells her that in the end, she would just love anyone who can beat her. Yurine's answer is that it might be true, to Ayaka's shock. Afterwards she herself starts to worry that her feelings for Ayaka may not go further than that.

"Shut Up" Kiss: Gives one to Ayaka in chapter 12, when the latter warns her that her club activities might detract her from the tests.

Supreme Chef: Par for the course. So supreme that she can cook while sleeping.

Took a Level in Kindness: Through her interactions with Ayaka, Ai, and the gardening club, she becomes considerably less of a jerk over time, although she still has her occasional bouts of teasing.

Shiramine Ayaka

A self-proclaimed "model student", she is obsessed with being the first at everything and thus sees her world turned upside-down when Yurine appears in high school.

Aggressive Submissive: Kind of. For all her defiance, Yurine can play her like a harp when she's in a flirtatious mood.

Armor-Piercing Question: She gives one to Yurine in chapter 11, but she's the one hit hard by Yurine's laconic answer.Ayaka: You say I'm special to you but… in the end, you would like anyone able to beat you, wouldn't you?" Yurine: *Beat*… You may be right.

Belligerent Sexual Tension: Not belligerent on Yurine's side, but on hers, definitely.

Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Subverted. When she's alone with people close to her like Mizuki or (though she hates to admit it) Yurine, she's quite aggressive and stubborn. But that doesn't mean the kindness and helpfulness she shows towards her classmates isn't genuine. The few times she has a supporting role in another girl's arc (mostly in volume 8 with Hikari and 9 with Mikaze), she appears much friendlier than when she's the focus.

Character Development: Chapter 15 shows that she has largely gotten used to Yurine's presence and has become somewhat more conscious and accepting of her sweet side. In any case she doesn't reject her as strongly as early on. Continued in chapter 23 where she lets Yurine spend the night with her on the beach, whispering what seems to be a "thank you" and kissing her forehead. At that point, while she still wants to defeat her, she no longer shows any desperation or anger about it. By chapter 40, her motivation has shifted from wanting to defeat Yurine so that she can forget about her to wanting to defeat her so that she can admit her own feelings to her.

Class Representative: Unsurprisingly, she seems to be this (at least in role).

Determinator: She will not give up until she has gotten her first place back from Yurine, and won't allow Yurine to give up either. By chapter 35 it actually has become a double-edge sword in their relationship: she refuses to bond with Yurine further as long as she hasn't defeated her, but at the same time she won't acknowledge any bond with her beyond their competition (despite obviously showing that she cares for her). This is the opposite situation from chapter 11 mentioned above, in a way.

Expressive Hair: Mostly in the early chapters, where they tended to float around a lot. It became more straight and static as the art got somewhat cleaner around volume 5.

Go-Getter Girl: Ayaka sees it as absolutely imperative to be the best at absolutely everything.

Good Angel, Bad Angel: Subverted, as their roles are reversed. The good angel tells her to focus on being the best and reject Yurine at all costs; the bad angel tells her that Yurine isn't a bad person and that there's nothing wrong with being friends with her.

Hidden Buxom: She turns out to be far more busty than she seems in her uniform. She's apparently a D-cup according to Yurine.

Not So Different: It's not as immediately obvious as with Yurine, being the School Idol and helping various people around at school, but as we go on it's increasingly clear that she doesn't have any actual friends either. Mizuki even sarcastically points it out in chapter 18.In another sense, during Ayaka's Heroic BSoD she acts antisocial and listless, much like Yurine's default state. Again, this is pointed out by Yurine herself (who had some Character Development in the meantime) in chapter 35.

Out of Focus: Despite technically being a protagonist, there are actually very few chapters from her point of view (if you don't count the extras). Chapter 1 and 2, chapter 11, half of chapter 15, chapter 22-23, chapter 40 and that's pretty much it; in other chapters she only appears for a few pages, if at all, and volume 7 is primarily centered on Yurine with Ayaka in a supporting role. It doesn't help that, rather ironically, Ayaka almost only interacts with Yurine (and sometimes Mizuki) while Yurine herself intervenes in other characters' arcs. This only changes in the last two volumes, where she briefly gives advice to Mikaze in volume 9 and finally gets full focus in volume 10.

School Idol: And that's her pride, even if Yurine is no.1 in grades.

Second Place Is for Losers: She does not take losing to Yurine by three points lightly.Mizuki: Why does it bother you so much to be second? It's awesome. Ayaka: Yeah, for someone like you who is around the 150th place, being first or second probably doesn't make much of a difference!

Smart People Wear Glasses: She occasionally sports these when studying.

Tareme Eyes: Art Evolution made her distinctively drooping eyes more prominent, making her look somewhat less aggressive in later volumes. It might also serve to outline her bad eyesight.

Tsundere: While she usually shows an admirable façade at school, she shows a more aggressive side when alone with Mizuki, and completely loses her composure when it comes to Yurine. She can admit she is awesome and can't help but look at her constantly, but refuses to acknowledge that she's attracted to her. Made more amusing by the fact that even Yurine herself can see it. Interestingly though, that dynamic starts to be reversed in volume 7-8, where Yurine is now the one losing her composure while Ayaka calmly listens to her worries.

Well Done Daughter Girl: Implied in a flash-back, where her mother scolds her because she got "only" 95/100 at a test, while Mizuki's mother praises her for getting an 88. And confirmed in chapter 22 where Ayaka breaks down under the pressure and decides to say "screw that, I no longer care if I'm not the best".

Workaholic: She will study to death and work harder than any student, but she admits than she doesn't really have a precise goal beyond "being no. 1". This seems to come at least partly from her mother's overly high expectations.

[stusbunker]

Dr. Emery Simmons-Winchester

Hey guys! An ask post got me thinking about my girl Emery from my Sam series For Better or Worst.

So I decided to fill out the questions about her, in case you’re interested since a lot of her background has been kept as only small glimpses due to the plot so far. Here are those questions from the ASK POST. (Since I know no one would actually send me asks, especially about OCs.)

Basics:

1. What is their gender?

Female

2. What is their sexuality?

Heterosexual

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

Meaning: Derived from Emmerich, which can mean brave and powerful. Also a hard, dark substance (i.e. emery boards)

Sam calls her ‘Em’ and ‘Baby’

Georgie used to call her Mama E

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with?

She has an older half brother that she isn’t close with, but that’s just because he lived across the country from her and her son.

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

Emery loved her parents to the ends of the earth. Though her dad wasn’t always around, his parents helped raise her. She was by her mother’s side when she died from cancer.

6. What would they give their life for?

Georgie. And redemption. Though there are others that she cares for and her dedication to them will be tested deeply soon.

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

Is an arranged marriage romantic? I guess it depends on who you ask. She is currently married to Sam Winchester. They met via some shady dealings from one Naomi, Angel of the Lord.

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Can I laugh at how deep we are getting in the “Basics” section of this?! Like, damn and then the next question is like a Teen Bop quiz.

Emery believes in Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. She grew as a psychic, knowing the world as it exists on the show. She still believes the angels are on humanity’s side and are her path to forgiveness, if not salvation.

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?

Emery likes rich earth tones with some gold in for accents. She looks good in just about anything though.

10. What are some of their talents/skills?

She is a medieval history professor, and an outstanding lecturer. She reads people really well, even after losing her psychic powers. She has a decent singing voice. Is an amazing mom. And when she makes up her mind to do something, she follows through. Very hard to change her mind or challenge her moral compass.

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

Just that the world was better, in any small way, from her influence.

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?

She is 39, born January 16, 1981.

13. What do they do for fun?

Read. Play with her dog Bandit. Go for walks. Listen to music. She used to mess with people who didn’t know she was psychic, but nothing malicious just little things that would stump strangers. She also used to play video games with Georgie.

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?

Potatoes in all of their glorious forms. She also love Cajun cuisine. She isn’t much of a cook, because she never had time to go all out. But french fries are easy enough to come by!

15. What was something their parents taught them?

That no matter who you are, you have a place in this world and a job to do.

Family always comes first.

16. Are they religious?

Yes, but most of the strict devotion rose from the death of her son.

17. Where were they born?

Gary, Indiana

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?

Different dialects of American English. She can read Old English and Middle English from her years of study.

Latin, from high school and some college.

19. What is their occupation?

Currently a professor, formerly a part-time psychic.

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?

She has a PHD in History and a Masters in Education. Dr. Simmons-Winchester if you’d like. ;)

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?

She appreciates her own snark, when it comes out.

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality?

Her psychic upbringing game her a lot of empathy for others. She hates how weak that makes her seem.

23. Do they get lonely easily?

No, she keeps too busy to feel lonely. Her son was always enough for her... until she found Sam.

24. Do you know their MBTI type?

No because those tests are way too fucking long.

25. What is their biggest flaw?

Self-assigned guilt.

26. Are they aware of their flaws?

Not all of them, who is?

27. What is their biggest strength?

Her dedication.

28. Are they aware of their strengths?

Yes, she isn’t one to sell herself short.

29. How would they describe their own personality?

She would say she is smart, kind and generally tough.

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?

She isn’t one for physical violence, but she will stand up vocally. She has had to defend herself physically in the past and that cost her her son.

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

Constantly, in the past it was mostly her son, but now also her husband.

32. What is their self esteem like?

Good. She owns her strengths and is aware of her shortcomings. Though she is slightly shaken from a recent rejection, but she knows better than to get too attached when there are other factors in play.

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

Failure to protect her son. She would go to the ends of possibility to save him.

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?

It took almost five months of an arranged marriage for her to tell Sam about her son, his death and her side of their deal with Heaven. Though she trusts Sam, she didn’t reveal much about her past.

We’re going to have to wait and see if she can trust Sam or Cas with her life.

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?

Talk cruelly about other people on end. Chew with your mouth open.

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous.

She has a pretty decent sense of humor. Not too dark, but definitely has a sarcastic streak. I think she would love memes, especially living with a preteen gamer, she would have seen her share. But she’s still a dorky mom, so she only shares the obvious ones with her TAs.

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

Fairly easy, especially with family. Never.

38. What do others admire most about their personality?

Her strength of character and her determination to DO GOOD.

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

She hasn’t really thought about it beyond the task at hand. Keeping up her charade with Sam in order to save Georgie’s soul and Dean. They have quiet the dream life from the outside: great jobs, nice house in a good neighborhood. But none of that can last, not for them. Right?

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual?

Her mother, but she passed about two years ago. Yes.

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?

Her voice is smoky, much like her faceclaim Rashida Jones. Her laugh can get breathy or silent if it is a really deep one. She laughs in little spells, but nothing like she used to.

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?

Her sparkling hazel eyes.

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?

She thinks she has a big nose. But her complex is so good, she doesn’t dwell.

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?

Yes, she had a total hysterectomy after her mother died so she has laparoscopic scaring. She also has stretch marks from pregnancy. The biggest scars are on her left upper arm, where her son scratched her when he first shifted into a werewolf.

45. How would they describe their own appearance?

Just a 30-someting mixed girl rocking what she’s got.

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

She is tempered first and foremost. Being vulnerable is not something she does regularly, but she doesn’t hide the big things. They’re too much for a reason.

47.    What’s their pain tolerance like? 

She is a women of color and a single mother, her pain tolerance is insanely high because people don’t listen anyway. (yes, that’s shade)

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos?

She doesn’t. (Desperately trying to remember if she does now... oops?)

49. Do they have any piercings?

Just a single on both ears.

51. What is their height? Weight?

5′4″ 130lbs ish

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?

She thin, not overly fit.

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?

Dark brown/ Hazel/ Dark Beige

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?

She has a fairly low tolerance for alcohol, but that’s generally because she doesn’t drink often. When she gets wine drunk she gets affectionate. The few times she has been hungover have been exhausting because she doesn’t give her self time to recover.

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?)

Her natural scent is warm spices, with almost a vanilla finish. She has a jasmine perfume that makes her slightly more feminine and floral.

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?

She hasn’t had an active sex life until she married Sam. Before that it had been a few years. No, she isn’t a virgin and this is a dumb question because it is an outdated misogynistic construct.

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?

Her big, bright, multicolored eyes. Then her smile.

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?

Not exactly resting, but you get the point. Yes.

60. Describe the way they sleep.

She sleeps curled on her side, in the middle of the bed. If Sam’s already up, she is stealing his pillow to cuddle. If Sam is sleeping elsewhere, she stays to her side.

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

Summer, though she was born in the winter, she prefers it if she can function outside or at least read by the lake.

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

Okay, yes, everyone has been betrayed. She is currently dealing with the ramifications of an unjust deal with Heaven. It’s not easy for her.

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

Her dog Bandit.

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

Yes, she is a slight woman, she gets cold easily.

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

She has a solid immune system, even when she gets sick she powers through. Bad mental health days knock her down a few pegs though.

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?

Currently living in Denver, CO with Sam and Bandit. She lived in Chicago with her son and dog previously.

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

No, she keeps her bedroom clean because she shares it (for the most part) now. The bathroom and kitchen are always spotless. The living room is a little cluttered, but that’s generally Bandit’s toys and research she leaves out when she’s not grading in the dining room.

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

She was surrounded by love. Her mom was a waitress at a diner and her paternal granddad and big mama helped raised her. She knew she had to work hard for anything to come to her and she also was psychic so she was able to sense how her family was “odd” or “wrong” depending on whose thoughts she heard. She grew up learning to respect people and kill them with kindness, or wit if she had to.

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

See above.

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?

She loves animals, but is very much a dog person. Yes, Bandit, the best boy ever.

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

She is amazing with kids, especially one on one. She has a son George, who would have been 13 last spring. She is unable to have more.

72.   Would they rather have stability or comfort? 

Stability. Knowing what to expect is its own level of comfort.

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

She is generally indoors, but generally all of her active free time is spent outside.

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

To be in, sunny and clear. She likes storms from the safety of inside and thunder more than the lightning.

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

She would probably doodle old geometric patterns found on ancient manuscripts as a border. Possibly make a list of things that need doing or write the same word over and over again in different fonts.

76. How organized are they?

Fairly, not obsessively so.

77. What is their most prized possession?

Her PhD.

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?

She was close with a few colleagues at her last job, a small college just outside of Chicago. But her mother was her best friend so it is hard to put that title on someone else since she lost her.

79. What is their economic situation? 

Currently upper-middle class. Previously working class struggling with medical bills.

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?

She is not a morning person, but doesn’t stay up too late unless she has too.

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

No. Unless someone is severely hurt.

82. What is their handwriting like?

Not too neat, but generally a combination of print and cursive.

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

Yes, well enough to not die, she doesn’t know all the strokes or anything. Sure, but not as much as she likes sunbathing.

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?

Oh, this is a tough one! I am going to say Envy, because though she had a great family growing up, she was still very much aware of what other people had. And their problems always seemed so frivolous.

85. Do they believe in ghosts?

Yes, she was a psychic, she spoken to spirits before.

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?

She has her great-grandmother’s china that she keeps for the big holidays, Christmas, Easter, etc. She would host the cousins and aunties with her grandma and once her mom got too sick, it was harder to get everyone together. She and George would go to her Aunt Janice’s house when they could for Sunday dinner, but traffic in and out of the city was a pain during the school year.

87. What is something they regret?

Killing her son in self-defense.

88. Do they have an accent?

Not usually, she was in an academic setting for so long she doesn’t let it slip out often.

89. What is their D&D alignment?

Neutral Good, laws and those who enforce them should evolve quicker than they do.

90. Are they right or left handed?

Right.

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?

She groaned, grabbing his face in both her hands. “Fine! Asshole. But you better make it worth it.”

She was pointing a finger at his agreeing puppy dog face now.

[antiquatedfuture]

Zine Care Packages (Antiquated Future Spring Newsletter)

What a challenging time. Things have felt pretty bleak and I debated about whether to send this spring newsletter a lot, but friends convinced me we're all in need of good news. If nothing else, I want to say two things: 1) We'll still be shipping orders (with plenty of hand-washing and sanitizing) several times a week. 2) While we always appreciate and need your financial support, we'd also like to offer the resources we have to any of you who are having a hard time. 

In short: We're offering free zines (and tapes and books) to anyone who's currently struggling financially, mentally, or physically right now. No need to tell us details, just email and say "I'd like a package," and we'll send one your way. Let it be a surprise or make a list of what you'd like and we'll send you what we can. Feel free to spread the word to your friends and community through our Facebook or Twitter posts. It's not much, admittedly, but hopefully it's something.

In more general distro news: we have a few more calendars & planners in stock (and very very on sale), we’ve been restocking things as much as we can, and we accidentally left up our temporary store-wide cassette sale (that also includes a decent handful of LPs and CDs) as well as our zine sale on select titles. We also just posted a newsletter from the record label side of Antiquated Future. We're currently lending some small financial assistance to Portland writer Martha Grover as she recovers from a brain surgery by selling a fundraiser pack of her Somnambulist zine. And if you're in the Portland area, we're helping do porch deliveries of food, baby supplies, and various resources. Please reach out if you'd like one or you know someone in need.

NEW ZINES Antonia- A rare, almost-sublime zine about place, memory, and lost history. About the ways things change and stay the same. About how the place you're from shapes who you become. About growing up in a small Midwestern town without a zip code, a place not on most maps. ($5) Behind the Zines #9: A Zine About Zines- The latest issue of newest best zine about zines around. Within: the evolution of DIY comics culture, zine-fest history, imagined zines, One Punk's Guide to collaborative zines, a history of that one Crimethinc poster, The Most Unwanted Zine, confessions of a sex-zine zinester. Contributions from our own Gina Sarti, as well as John Porcellino and so many others. ($3) Brainscan #34: A Dabbler's Week of DIY Witchery- In the wake of the controversy surrounding a recent viral article about spending a week "becoming a witch," Alex considers what her guide to a witchcraft practice would look like. The results are a day-by-day guide to trying out her particular variety of secular witchcraft (that she lovingly refers to as "DIY witchery"). ($4)

Caboose #12: Jury Duty- A personal story of serving as a juror on a medical malpractice suit. As usual, Liz Mason's playful, endlessly curious take on the world makes this a ride worth taking. A peek into the court system through the eyes of this long-running zine-star. ($4) Clock Tower Nine #15- One of our favorite Seattle zines is back with tales from the record store counter, long walks in various locales, dangerous doppelgängers, and 8-track tapes. As Clock Tower Nine ringleader Danny Noonan describes it in the introduction: "This fanzine is like a bunch of people sitting around a fire in late fall, all taking turns telling a story." ($3) Cometbus #59: Post-Mortem- How does Cometbus, after 38 years as a zine, just get better and better? It's a mystery, but it does. Issue 59 is a deep dive into both death and longevity in the underground. In short: what does sustainability look like in counterculture? This question takes Aaron on a journey from the Epitaph Records and Thrasher magazine offices to hanging out at a punk-owned vegan donut shop and a tamale stand at the farmer's market with Allison Wolfe (of Bratmobile). ($5)

Doris #23- A back-issue fave from one of the best zines ever. Long personal stories that look both outward and inward in surprising ways. ($2) Doris #26- Shy-punk-girl comics, social ecology, the cynical hour, a grandpa who built malls, hammer and nail history, and more. ($2) Eulalia #3- Two issues of the art zine Eulalia in one. Grief and romance, hand-in-hand. Gorgeously designed! Letterpress-printed covers. Each issue is bound with a special do-si-do binding, so each half can be read separately. ($10) Fluke Fanzine #17- Since 1991, Fluke has been creating great variety zines covering all realms of punk and underground culture. Graphic novelist Nate Powell, skateboard magazine historians, Maximum Rocknroll, R.E.M., '90s women-led punk, the Soophie Nun Squad family tree, more. ($3)

Forever & Everything #5- Comics on parenting, depression, coffee, therapy, alcohol, Willie Nelson, Charlie Brown, and living in New Orleans. ($5) Good Days Gone Cold Days- A photography zine/art zine made while living and working in "a house without heat, without doorknobs, and without much insulation or electricity to speak of" for a late fall in western Pennsylvania. Comes with homemade bookmark, building permit, and banjo tab. ($12) Keep Loving, Keep Fighting #8- A reprint of this 2008 issue of Keep Loving, Keep Fighting. Forty pages of feeling at home in New Orleans, communication between friends, death, visiting Montreal, and moving away. ($5)

Learning Good Consent- An essential compilation zine about consent. From personal stories to worksheets, approaches, definitions, resources, and beyond, Learning Good Consent is here to help us all feel more comfortable and be more respectful. ($4)

Little Leagues #1- The companion comics scrapbook to Simon Moreton's epic Minor Leagues series. Prose, comics and photos about being in Japan, making chutney, experiencing autumn. ($3) Little Leagues #2- Comics about being in the snow. Drawings and photos of spring. A fold-out cover with facts about lesser-spotted dogfish. ($3) Our Lady of Near Death Experiences- Jodi Darby writes about becoming a cross-country truck driver as a 23-year-old woman in the mid 1990s. A mini-memoir told in vignettes, Our Lady is a twisted love song to the road in all its complexities. A gorgeous reprint of this zine classic from 1998. (And we have the last few copies before it goes out of print!) ($10)

The Paruretic #1: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy- The first issue of one of our favorite new zine series. The Paruretic tells what the intricacies and complexities of life with parusesis, the social phobia of being pee shy. Illuminating, accessible, and worth reading every issue. ($2)

The Paruretic #2: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (College)- In this issue, Mark recalls figuring out the debilitating effects of his bladder issues when he goes to college and, for the first time, navigates living in dorms, drinking at college-town bars, and hooking-up. ($3)

The Paruretic #3: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (Vacation)- In this issue: searching out acceptable bathrooms while on the road, not urinating for ten hours while in the air, and a bathroom-by-bathroom diary of experiences. ($3) The Paruretic #4: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (The Search for Help)- In this issue, Mark reaches out, looking for help, and is met with a less-than-sympathetic medical system. Within: clueless medical professionals, almost losing a job over a urinalysis, and finally finding someone who understands. ($3) The Paruretic #5: The Story of a Guy Who's Pee Shy (Dating)- The dating issue covers how Mark handled (or avoided handling) dating in high school and college. It's a chronicle of, as Mark says, "how my shy bladder has driven every part of my love life." ($3)

Somnambulist Zine Pack Fundraiser- For the past 17 years, Portland memoirist and illustrator Martha Grover has been publishing Somnambulist zine, an expansive and playful look at the world at large (and easily one of the best zines running today). This pack includes all nine in-print issues of Somnambulist (a $40 value for $25!). All proceeds go straight to Martha's brain surgery recovery fund. Help a great writer, get nine amazing zines. ($25) Somnambulist #33: How to Survive the Portland Winter- A fun how-to guide from Portland-born writer Martha Grover. Within: dealing with all the rain, taking care of your mental health, venturing out, staying in, eating soup (with recipes!), and the truth about umbrellas. Illustrated by Liz Yerby. ($5)

Somnambulist #34: The Starfish- A single, long-form essay about Martha's journey through Cushing's disease and Addison's disease, and the lingering tumor she's chosen to not demonize or see as something separate. The Starfish is a surprising and exciting meditation on what it means to be in a body. ($3) Surely, They'll Tear it Down- A short zine letter about gender, race, identity, and not-knowing from the author of Fixer Eraser and We, the Drowned. ($2) Tattoo Punk Fanzine, Issue 3- A jam-packed new issue of Tattoo Punk, the fanzine about tattoos, punks, and tattooed punks. Edited by Ben Trogdon of everyone's favorite artsy punk paper, Nuts! ($15) Valentines Every Day- Weirdo anytime-valentines from zine-seller extraordinaire, Julie Wade. Funny, bizarre, off-kilter, occasionally unsettling. The perfect gift for that especially-odd someone. ($6) What Happened- A dreamy comic from UK artist Simon Moreton. Set in a '90s boyhood of meadows, sci-fi VHS tapes, MTV, crushes, first kisses. ($5) 

NEW BOOKS & MISCELLANY The Collected Plays by Portland Preschoolers- In short: One of our favorite little books around! A modern classic, even. Five years of collected plays written by Portland, Oregon preschoolers. Hilarious, invariably bizarre, oddly brilliant, sometimes surprisingly profound. Perfect for putting out on the coffee table, reading aloud to friends, impromptu group performances. ($10) Four-Year Depression- A book about figuring out how to love your family in the Trump era. From Billy McCall of Proof I Exist and Behind the Zines. ($10) Zine Game- A long-time favorite in the zine community, now in a fancy, professionally-made version accessible to all game lovers. Playing like a cross between canasta and Magic: The Gathering, Zine Game is all about building your own zines. A really fun time with tons of possibilities. ($16)

NEW MUSIC & SPOKEN WORD Alice Notley "Live in Seattle"- An LP of one of the most adored living poets. Alice Notley pushes boundaries, and it's an absolute joy to hear her reading her work. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Annelyse Gelman & Jason Grier "About Repulsion"- A collaboration between poet Annelyse Gelman and sound artist Jason Grier. About Repulsion mixes songs, sampled poems, textural walls, beats, noise, to create this EP of one-of-a-kind soundscapes. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Eileen Myles "Aloha / Irish Trees"- The legendary poet Eileen Myles, on vinyl for the first time. Aloha/Irish Trees features nearly an hour of Myles live in the studio, reading past and present poems. Intimate, playful, raw. (LP + digital download) ($16.95)

Harmony Holiday "The Black Saint and the Sinnerman"- Harmony Holiday's record of poems and sound collage. Adventurous and accessible, twisting cultural images into something surprising, political, socially aware. In conversation with Charles Mingus’ classic 1963 album The Black Saint and the Sinner Lady. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Rae Armantrout "Conflation"- Fifty-four surprising and gloriously unique poems from Rae Armantrout, a Pulitzer-winning poet of great gifts. (LP + digital download) ($16.95) Susan Howe & Nathaniel Mackey  "Stray: A Graphic Tone"- Made in collaboration with Shannon Ebner, Stray: A Graphic Tone juxtaposes historic and recent material from poets Susan Howe and Nathaniel Mackey. An adventurous LP of spoken word delights. (LP + digital download) ($16.95)

Stay well, take care of each other as much as possible. Xo, Antiquated Future

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Life | 2019

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Had abdominal surgery! I spent most of April either doped up or unconscious. Long story short, I had an ovarian cyst that they thought was twice as big as my fist. So they fast-tracked me to surgery, and discovered that while I did have an ovarian cyst that was pretty large, most of the issue was that my bowel had fused to my uterine wall. Or was it abdominal wall? Either way, my bowel was glued to where it shouldn’t be and very angry because it had a fairly large pre-cancerous polyp in it. Which I found out a week after the abdominal surgery, when I had to have a colonoscopy. Which leads me to...

Had to do three different bowel preps in less than a month! It’s really not fun, guys. But, I got a cyst removed, a polyp removed, a metric fuckton of endo removed, and got my bowel back where it should be. Also, they confirmed that I can have babies! Which I didn’t know I was so fucked up about until I started crying about it post surgery.

Oh, also I peed in a bedpan. That’s also something I’ve never done before. And and and, been sick on Christmas! - Adding Tanya later in this post means I remembered something else I’d never done before - jumped into a pool fully dressed. Then became... no longer dressed.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Still don’t remember what my resolution was which- hey, 2020 Heather! Your 2019 resolution is to legitimately lose weight (she says while eating cotton candy ice cream out of the tub) and quit smoking again. Also, maybe be engaged. But mostly, the weight and the smoking thing. 

As for 2019 resolutions- I can guess what they were, which probably boiled down to losing weight. I put on about 20 pounds after surgery and haven’t lost it, because shocker, abdominal surgery really fucks with your core strength. Pretty sure there was something in there about reading 100 books (done), beating 4 games (done), and write something original (done? technically?) and/or novel-length (negative). 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? High school people and a few old coworkers. Nick’s cousin and his wife just had their third kid though. I think it may have actually happened on Christmas. 4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries. Went to North Carolina for our possible last beach vacation. In January we’re going to Vegas for our friend’s wedding, which will be interesting. They’re getting married on a ferris wheel by an Elvis impersonator. May also go to Maine this year, but not sure yet because I only have a certain amount of vacation time. 

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Didn’t get a ring, yet. But we’ll see. We also didn’t get the house yet, so lets recycle those wants! Also, while we’re shooting big here, how about a better goddamn president?

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Started my second big girl job on November 18th. Had surgery on April 12th. Not a whole lot else stands out. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got a new job! With more money and more responsibility and will look really good on a resume! Didn’t kill myself? Which sounds pretty morbid, but I had a lot of pain in my life earlier in the year. 

9. What was your biggest failure? Not... losing... weight? Because I really need to do that. The heartburn bullshit will likely go away. The sleep apnea thing will likely go away. Your health in general will improve. And you don’t even like food that much anyway!  10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I think I’ve had the flu twice this year and again, abdominal surgery, so yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got nice clothes? Most of the other shit has been knick-knacks. I got more books. A new bookshelf!  12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Mine, I guess. I mean, 2019 wasn’t the worst, but it definitely has not been great.  13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I have a friend. Let’s call her Amanda. Yeah, her. She’s blown us off a lot this year, which really sucks. The rest of it is her own decisions that only affect us because it’s inevitably going to affect her in a terrible way, but the blowing us off and only using us as passes for free food and ways to do her laundry really sucks.

14. Where did most of your money go? Surgery! My OOP may have been met in April, but the surgery itself was $48,000. I’ve only had to pay about $6,000 because my OOP was 5k, but that still hurts. And my dental sucks, which means I paid out of my ass to fix my teeth. Also, I bought way too many clothes and books. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I do still appreciate having a job with decent money. The new job will have insurance after my 90 day probation period (yeah, because you can’t have health care for 3 months even if you work in health care because you’re new). I’m glad that I caught the polyp before it became cancerous. I was happy I could have babies. I got excited about the new His Dark Materials series and The Witcher series and Kingdom Hearts 3 and God of War, and probably at least a couple other fandom things.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Face My Fears. Curse of the I-5 Corridor. Hadestown soundtrack. Transistor soundtrack. Wasteland, Baby! album. Billie Eilish in general. Lark of My Heart. But mostly, Face My Fears and Don’t Think Twice. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Sadder, probably? 2019 wasn’t great. ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter.  iii. richer or poorer? Technically probably on par with where I was last year? I didn’t save quite as much as I wanted to with the surgery happening. Also, my car needed some pricey repairs this year. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I do wish I’d written more this year, but I wrote a lot in October. Possibly more than the last two years combined, which was nice. And I read a lot. I kind of wish I slept more. Or ate better. Or worked out more. I’m just really tired this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spent less time with doctors? But I mean, taking care of myself is good and I’ve never had that option before.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it mostly sleeping. We got a bug that was either a really bad cold or a flu, so I’ve spent the last week generally shitty and sweaty and tired. First year that we haven’t been able to do Christmas basically at all. But we spent the hours between 6pm on Christmas Eve and 10am Christmas morning have the most restless goddamn sleep in the world and then opened presents and watched Love Actually and some television (the last two episodes of the Witcher!) while kind of napping on the couch, and ordered Chinese because it was hungry and the only thing open. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Think I’m going to make the pirozki on Sunday, and then we’re doing a gift exchange with some of our friends at his mom’s house. 22. Did you fall in love in 2019? Eh. Still love him.  23. Best month for you this year? Clearly me having a good 2018 while everyone else had a shitty one guaranteed 2019 to be shit, because I honestly don’t fucking know. October was nice. So was August. But fuck most of the rest of it.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2019? Russian Doll, Glow, The Dragon Prince, Good Omens, Schitt’s Creek, The Terror, Chernobyl, Buzzfeed Unsolved, She-Ra, His Dark Materials, The Witcher... 2019 may have been a meh year, but it had some good shows. Of those, I think my favorite was probably either The Witcher or Good Omens, with His Dark Materials, Russian Doll, and The Terror tying for third. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Red, White, & Royal Blue was probably my favorite. I also read Sanderson’s books this year though, which were also absolutely amazing. Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive were wonderful. It was a pretty great year for books too. Books and TV, well done 2019. Middlegame, The Ninth Gate, a lot of rereads. Best one was still Red, White, & Royal Blue though. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Do Utada Hikaru’s new Kingdom Hearts anthems count? Because Spanish Sahara by Foals, Obstacles by Syd Matters, the new Hozier album, and the Hadestown soundtrack were all wonderful musical discoveries. 28. What did you want and got? I don’t know. New clothes? A laptop? Confirmation that my ovaries work?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? Well, I lost the bet with Brandon. No ring by the end of 2019. No kids, either, but we aren’t quite there yet. No house. No perfect health? Is that a thing?

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Into the Spiderverse a lot. Detective Pikachu. Rocketman.Frozen 2. Endgame was all right. I didn’t hate the new Star Wars. Toy Story 4. IT. It wasn’t a super great movie year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? The big 3-0. It was all right. The night before we went to Fujiyamas with a couple of our friends, then on my birthday we had breakfast at First Watch, did some Christmas shopping, and went to the Zoo Lights a little after 5. Froze to death because it was snowing and shocker, when snow melts you get wet, but it was nice. Then had a late dinner at Mackenzie River, because it was one of the only places still open and close to our place.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. ----Hmmmmm 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? I did not give up and buys Scrubs. Instead I have a perhaps slightly oversized work appropriate selection of jeans (for Fridays), work slacks, blouses/sweaters, dresses, and skirts. I spent a little too much on clothes this year. I blame discovering Torrid. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer, three years running! 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? David Tenant made a shocking comeback after Good Omens aired. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Myself. Also, my brother, who is still in jail almost a year later and still no fucking trial. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t know. Oh! I do know! I really like Tanya. 

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Tanya is awesome and pretty and fun and possibly at least a little bit crazy, but we all fucking are, come on. She got to come with us on vacation this year and it really made it interesting. Also, Shay and Alicia. I knew them last year, but got to know them pretty well this year.

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one about 20 minutes after midnight on January 1st, 2019 after my first successful round of Battleshots. The hat went to the winner. It is not the most flattering picture, because I had been drinking already before I had to take four shots of Satan’s cinnamon liquor.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, at the zoo. Again, snow melts.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Not sure? There’s not a whole lot of new food we haven’t tried. One of the pharmacists brought in some authentic Indian food for one of the potlucks we had and I don’t remember what it was called but it had rice and eggs and was amazing.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. We saw both Hamilton and Les Mis this year and they both reduced me to tears. I also had some good moments with books and tv shows I watched with Nick.

44. What are you excited for next year? There’s a couple new books. The election. Some tv shows, I think? Games? I don’t know, man. I’m trying not to come off as horribly depressed but I am kind of pretty depressed and nobody will ever know because the only person who ever gets this far into reading these things is me, so- hello 2020 me, you were really sad on December 26th 2019 and honestly for most of the year, so I sure hope 2020 is the year that we fucking seize life by the horns or however that saying goes.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have! 

I guess my message from last year (it gets better) is in almost direct opposition of this year, which is basically: it could always be worse. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer

(seriously, deliriously happy 2018 me quoting singin’ in the rain is taunting me wtf)

First Fandom of 2019: January of 2019 was pretty solidly Detroit Become Human. It hit me hard. Favorite Main Character of 2019: Jonathan Sims. I was a slut for the Archivist in 2019. Favorite Villain of 2019: Elias from The Magnus Archives, maybe? My only other response would be.. dun dun dun, Ben Solo aka Kylo Ron or whatever Favorite M/F Couple of 2019: I... am back on my Reylo bullshit. Favorite F/F Couple of 2019: Can I say Villanelle and Eve even if I didn’t really dip into the fandom? No? Okay, Catra and Adora. Favorite M/M Couple of 2019: Okay, so the three that got me this year was Hank/Connor, Jon/Martin, and Ryan/Shane.  Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Um, Buzzfeed Unsolved. Never would have guessed that one. Also like, while I would have expected Detroit Become Human I never would have guessed my favorite ship. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Sigh. Twas that Reylo smacking me in the face at the tail end of 2019. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Insert shrug? I read a weird Buzzfeed Unsolved fic above Mothman giving the guys sharable dreams (that were sometimes weird and sometimes sexy) until they boned. Last Fandom of 2019: Sighing again. Reylo. Though Yuletide has made it so I’ve read a lot of Queen’s Thief stuff. Favorite Fandom of 2019: I think that Buzzfeed Unsolved was my favorite purely from a fic standpoint, but Detroit Become Human and The Magnus Archives were both really great too.

[thisvaryingexistence]

My thoughts on Code Geass: Lelouch of the Re;surrection

So I finally saw the Code Geass movie last night and OH MAN DO I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS.

First of all I think I should start this out by saying this series came into my life at a very weird time I’d say. I first watched the show when I was in 7th grade (13 years old) and I don’t know why but it stuck with me. As soon as the last episode finished I immediately hit start on episode 1 (ah the good old days when Bandai had all the episodes on Youtube) to see what I was missing my first viewing. Since then I have easily watched the series over 10 times over both in English and Japanese. The show (and the fanfiction let’s be real here) got me through a lot of tough times. In my freshmen year of high school, I really took a turn for the worst and seriously thought I would die before I turned 15. That was when I met @projectcluclu and she (along with the show) became a really key part of my life. Her fics really made me fall in love with the pairing Lelouch and CC even more than I already had been with before. The pairing itself became a real comfort for me and just. TLDR: Code Geass is really important to me.

Writing now as a junior in college (20 years old), I could still say this series has my heart. Have I grown older now and seen many other things (mostly not anime related things)? Yes. Do I notice the endless plotholes in the story and how certain characters I once hated are actually okay and the characters I thought were flawless could actually be rather despicable? Yes again. But this story as a whole still makes my heart go BOOM. 

NOW TO THE MOVIE!

So when I first heard they were making a movie I rolled my eyes. I get it was an anniversary and the show had had many other specials before such as Lelouch’s Birthday, Nunnally in Wonderland, etc. However, this one was going to make or break this show. The creators seemed to know this and pulled something I laugh so hard at but at the same time THEY KNOW THEY GET TO MAKE THE CAKE AND EAT IT TOO. After realizing that “oh shit. We really did have the perfect ending. Legit half the viewers are going to be upset no matter what we do” they decided. “YOU ALL CAN THINK WHATEVER YOU WANT. This is an alternate reality.” Now, to me this was a cop out for sure. They knew no matter what they did, someone would be upset. Even I joked around with my sister and said if Lelouch got with anyone else but CC in the movie I would burn all my Code Geass merch. Still, the war still goes on from the original show whether he is dead or not. The creators wanted the ending to be ambiguous, but couldn’t even handle the inner-fandom war when the ending first happened over 10 years ago that they were like HE IS DEAD STOP FIGHTING. 

All that being said, I obviously knew I had to see this movie. I’ll admit the spoilers that it was a CluClu ending did give me a slight push to hit buy tickets on my online order, but I knew it was important to my sister and I. We drove an hour away to go see it and the theater was actually pretty damn packed. We anticipated being 2 of like 7 people there but it was FILLED. It was pretty cool to here people talking about the timeline under their breath and getting excited about the movie. So the movie. My God I laughed so hard. Like tears were streaming from my face. First, I saw it in English. I love my Johnny Young Lelouch so much and Kate Higgins as CC is great. Everyone else had the same voices as well but. It literally appeared everyone but CC forgot how to say Suzaku’s name and called him “Sooz-a-koo.” Legit sounded like fucking Shinjuki. The first time LELOUCH said it I was like who he is talking ab- OMFG ARE YOU KIDDING ME. My sister and I were in tears and I was shaking so bad. The new characters got me confused. Where the fuck was this big ass nation in the show? (Obviously non-existent as this is an alternate universe”) But I was like what is geass did anyone at the studio actually figure it out? In the show they got nowhere close to explaining it, but we got a very good understanding on what it does, it’s limitations, who had it and why, etc. This movie was like oh you have geass?! CHECK MINE OUT! The princess (at least I think she was a princess) was weird? That scene with her and her brother in the bath after she saw her prophecy was fucked. I laughed so hard again as everyone around me was saying WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? With these new characters, why is Cornelia now the head of them? 

My brain did not take it seriously and just laughed at how crack-fic this movie was. They showed almost every character and it was beautiful and almost bought me to actually cry no matter how weirdly they were placed and who they were placed with. Like why was Schneizel with Rakshata?? In a daycare place?? Why?? Ohgi and Viletta’s wedding though. My heart exploded Lloyd and Rakshata dancing? I approve. THE BABY? I approve. 

The main characters. I know it has been ten years and it could be seen, and there were definitely moments where they were, out of character. One thing I saw a lot of before I saw it was that CC was out of character because she cared so much for Lelouch but to me? I think she was pretty in character. It had been a long time for her and Lelouch. As soon as Lelouch died, Shirley bought his body to CC and she had to take care of him as they looked for his lost consciousness. I imagine she was a bitch in the beginning to him but quickly realized she did this. 

She did this.

She is the reason Lelouch is alive at all.

This is why I believe she was in character. It shows how she is not a stagnant character from the beginning of the story. When first knowing about her in episode five of the series, it was clear she was a stone cold bitch who made her own rules for her life (which makes her CC my favorite character so I’m not saying this as a bad thing). As the show moved forward, we saw her at her most vulnerable and how as a child she was desperate for someone to love her. After her own geass story and her immortality, she saw quickly it must have not been in the cards for her and how she was “utterly alone.” Even as she and Lelouch started to become closer to each other, she was rather distant. I don’t think she really let it show how important he had become to her until her backstory episode 15 of R2 when she would not let him take her immortality. Even when she was dying, mind you the only reason she went after Lelouch in the first place, she was crying at the thought of leaving. In the penultimate episode of the series, she and Lelouch had a very touching scene that Kallen had to ruin, but she voiced her care for him. Therefore, in the movie when it shows her caring so much for him, I do not find it out of character for her. It was already shown in the show and sound episodes that she was not sure what she thought her feelings for Lelouch were and she was confused and frightened by them. She was afraid she ruined his life by giving him the power in the first place, and she was selfish enough to do it again by reviving him knowing full well he intended to die for all the things he did in the rebellion. 

I teared up at the trailer watching CC cry trying to find Lelouch in C’s world. You could tell that man is her new “meaning for living” so to say and she realized how close she was to losing him again. I teared up when they were in the knightmare and Lelouch was about to issue a surrender. She pulled her gun on him similar to episode 7 of the show and told him this was not the Lelouch she knew and bought back. That moment of shaky tears and words made Lelouch into his self again. They are the missing pieces the other has always lacked. They are better off together and they know it. Another reason why the scene at the end hit so strong when he told her he would follow LL and abandon the name Lelouch. He was stating how he was ready to let go of his past and begin a new life with her. Her face welling up and crying. Those scenes of them together were my favorite parts of the movie for the obvious ship reason but also for the fact that I felt more connections to the original story and the characters seemed to be staying true to their old selves. 

Lelouch. He was pretty much in character. I do believe leaving Nunnally to make her own choices and let her grow up is something he would do. After all the lessons CC told him about keeping people you love at a distance. He was a little more flirty than usual but again? The scenes that mattered the most, he was Lelouch. 

Suzaku. Excuse me Soozakoo was a pretty much his character from R2. Kind of a douchebag with a heart of gold. His scenes with Lelouch were very very in character and really touching.

Kallen was a little out of character. The one scene that touched my heart is when she cried (which by the way was fucking hilarious because the English cry was so bad) when Lelouch kept staring at her with his dead eyes. That was a really beautiful scene and I could admit that even though I despise the two of them together.

Everyone else was pretty much thrown in with no explanation. Ohgi apologizing to Lelouch made 0, no pun intended, sense. Cornelia leading this new nation? This new nation of a whole? How did Lelouch know where everything was and how to work this foreign computer network and equipment? Why was mostly everyone else not phased by the fact that Lelouch was alive? So many things were not explained in this movie.

THE ANIMATION. The characters were beautiful as ever but damn. Sometimes they left blobs and mouths moving and it was so funny. The close up shot of the camels had me laughing in my seat.

THE ENDING. And I mean the post-credit ending. I feel like the creators found this famous fanart of Lelouch and CC:

And were like LET’S GO WITH THAT! They were pretty much dressed like this and looked like they were having a wedding type thing? But they gave a weird vampire feel which was hm. Okay? 

Overall, this movie was what it was. An anniversary movie to give the fans and give some more spotlight on Lelouch and CC’s relationship. In the moments it had its key characters, it was beautiful. Hell, it was all beautiful. However, it really did feel I was watching a crack-fic fanfiction in HD. That being said, I would not change anything about this movie. My heart is so full and I was smiling the entire time. So glad I got to go see it! 

[langernameohnebedeutung]

I always thought Erik switched to English because he didn’t want anything to do with Germany, including speaking the language. I took it as him not wanting to speak more German than was strictly necessary because it was kind of triggering for him. He also went to America in the comics right after the war, when he was still a teen, so English would feel pretty natural to him.

tbh that’s also an explanation for his not speaking German when it would make sense to do so I always favoured as well bc on a character-level it makes total sense (and also one of the organisations I work with has an old lady we take care of who survived the Holocaust and did the same thing, she moved to Israel and neither wants to hear or speak German so it’s definitely something that people did and do.)(that said, German isn’t her native language so I think it’s less of a sacrifice in regards of it being the language of her parents or anything, but I can’t really comment on that because I’ve never spoken to her in person, I just know what the people who met her and talked to her told us.) 

It’s the story-telling level where it doesn’t make sense. For example he had no reason to speak German with them in the first place. He didn’t even try to get any information about Schmidt out of anyone in the bar (this whole…photo of a ship thing is the weirdest piece of detective work I’ve ever seen but ok I guess it worked) so he doesn’t have to gain their trust or anything. He could have spoken Spanish with them if he wanted to or English to begin with. (He knew they were Nazis right away, they were in a photo with Schmidt and one of them carried a (metal so he must have known) fucking Ehrendolch 15 (fucking) years after the war. 

From a story-telling point of view, the scene exists to show how Erik has spent the years since the flashback and how he feels about his experiences (and in this regard it’s an important scene that definitely has to be in the film). The English sequence at the end exists for the audience to make it more dramatic. Same with Kevin Bacon speaking English all the time when Schmidt/Shaw definitely has no reason to have any trauma associated with German and also doesn’t need to hide being German around his fellow ‘let’s blow up the world’ squad. But you could easily accomplish the same by making the entire film in English. And if he doesn’t want to speak English, that could very easily be illustrated in a show don’t tell way in many scenes of the film. (that could for example easily have fit into the scene with the Swiss banker. Imagine the banker picks up on his accent, switches to German which he would probably speak as a wealthy Swiss person and Erik either refuses or pretends not to understand)

But! just saying: in the comics, he doesn’t go to the US right away and that’s one major difference between the original films (where Mags says he saw the Statue of Liberty when he came there after the war) and the comics. (It’s actually really annoying because it erases a few fundamental aspects of his story and especially it erases his history with Magda)(You know his first wife and first love, the woman of colour who has been white-washed AND turned into a one night stand by the studio and the fandom :)))))    )

In the comics, he falls in love with Magda Maximoff when he’s a young kid in school, she’s his first love. Now, after the November Pogromes, his family flees to Poland, but when Germany invades Poland they are no longer safe there either and are deported to the Warsaw Ghetto (which is honestly something I’m also sad I never see addressed anywhere, because his experiences in the Ghetto definitely shaped him a lot and in the comics he often talks about it and in the solo series he even talks about one experience that is really at the core of his survivor’s guilt and why he feels responsible to keep fighting. We even see him return there on Hanukkah one time.) 

Eventually he’s brought to Auschwitz and gets forced into the Sonderkommando (at this point, his family has been murdered). After a while, he can no longer bear the horrors of the camp and walks away from the other prisoners in the hope that the guards will shoot him. But when he does, he’s coincidentally walking in the direction of the camp where the Roma people are kept - he sees Magda there after all those years. He decides in that moment that he will stay alive for her, to do anything to protect her and keep her alive somehow and starts making plans to help her. 

When he finds out that the camp where the Romani people are kept is supposed to be ‘liquidated’, he manages to sneak her out and bring her to the barrack of the Sonderkommando and they manage to escape together during the Auschwitz riots. 

So in the comics, he’s with Magda after the war and the two of them flee to Ukraine where they eventually get married and have a daughter named Anya. Now, when Anya is 6, she gets trapped in a fire (probably laid on purpose after Erik/Max got into an argument with his boss and revealed his powers but there are a few versions of this story at this point). 

When people stop him from going into the house, Erik’s/Max’s powers manifest uncontrollably and he kills everyone around him. Magda sees this and runs away. (What they don’t know is that at this point, she’s pregnant with twins, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff).

After losing his family again, Erik goes to Israel (again, not to America) and starts working in a mental health clinic for Holocaust survivors where he finally meets another mutant, Charles Xavier. After that, he works for the CIA for a while, using his powers to kill former Nazi criminals but eventually, the CIA turns on him because he kills a Nazi on their pay roll and that’s when he starts his solo career as Magneto - and while he often is in the US, where the X-Men are based and does have a lair in New York for a while, his first attack for example is in Europe and his hide-outs are also rarely in America (he had an island, an asteroid, he’s doing his thing)

When I say that the US is important to Erik I mean that mostly in the terms of the idea of a nation that is supposed to give shelter to refugees and where anyone can become anything. Erik often mentions how important that idea of America is to him but is also disappointed when it doesn’t hold true. 

[slashersteve]

Can’t Cheat Fate [8]

pairing: Steve Harrington/Female Reader, slight Jonathan Byers/Female Reader || Fake Dating! Au

series summary: It started with an innocent kiss shared with Steve Harrington at an 8th grade party, then years later you’re in a fight with your best friend and long time crush and in a fake relationship with the King of Hawkins High himself. What was it about that party that has your junior year this insane?

warnings: cursing perhaps?? || word count: 3.2k+

<- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter -> *

***

It was already nerve-wrecking enough when Monday morning came along, especially when Steve showed up earlier than expected. You were trying to calm that nauseous feeling in your stomach by eating some plain toast. You weren't even dressed yet, just standing there in some socks and your hot pink pajama set.

The doorbell rang right when your mom was coming into the kitchen, your younger brothers in tow. She looked at the door, probably wondering who could be here so early, and sent your brother's to the table that already had two plates full of scrambled eggs and a strip of bacon. One of your brothers happily sang Good Morning to you, while the other ignored your presence and began to eagerly eat his bacon. You grimaced.

The doorbell rang again, and your mom muttered something about how Mrs. Thomas better be carpooling today. Of course, instead of your neighbor she was met with a teenage boy with very impressive hair. Obviously it was Steve, standing there with his hands dug into his zipped up, member's only jacket and very blue jeans. You nearly choked on your toast when you heard his voice.  

"Hi! Is (y/n) ready? Or?"

You had to lean over, coughing rapidly and your brothers looked at you very confused.

"Oh- oh you're the friend who's picking her up today," your mother said, pointing at him, Steve smiled cheekily.

"Bingo! Did she call me a friend or-" Steve titled his head, before shaking off his own question, "I'm Steve Harrington by the way, I don't know if you remember me from when your daughter was in middle school, we were pretty good friends" Steve said, your mom had to stop and think for a moment before she remembered him. He'd been over once for your birthday party, suppose he left much of an impression if your mom did remember him.

"Oh yeah! (y/n)! You didn't tell me your uh...friend was Steve!" she called back to you, Steve looked into the house and it wasn't hard to spot you standing there downing a glass of orange juice while one of your brothers cried for you to please stop drinking his juice. Steve chuckled at the sight of you, and you quickly stomped on over there.

"Good morning- are you wearing that to school or..." he pointed to your pajamas, you straightened out your jaw and crossed your arms. Steve winced, sensing right away you weren't happy. You shot an awkward smile to your mother before pushing Steve out and shutting the door behind you, "Oh- did I do something wrong?" he asked. You sighed.

"I thought this would just be a school thing- I don't...I don't need my parents thinking I'm dating someone," you said in a hushed tone on the porch of your house. Steve frowned, and shrugged weakly.

"I don't really see the harm in it...seeing as it isn't real, but...what was I supposed to do? I was waiting out here for 15 minutes and you never came," Steve said, you raised a brow.

"Steve- school doesn't start for another hour! Who picks someone up this early?" you exclaimed. He cringed softly and replied, "Me apparently. I just wasn't sure what you were used to- you didn't give me your number so I couldn't call you. Just- whatever! We'll work out more details on the way there, I'll wait out here for you, just...hurry up. We have a lot to talk about." You nodded.

"Fine, okay- I just need to get dressed. I won't be long." Steve nodded as well.

"Alright- go hurry up." He shooed you inside, and you shot him a look before opening your front door and getting inside while he jogged back to his car.

You zoomed past your mom who was nosily trying to hear your conversation through the door, not sparing her an explanation to your bedroom. Your mom blinked, then looked through the little side window seeing Steve leaning on the side of his car, hands back in his pocket. He saw her and gave a friendly waved.

***

You were once again sitting in the passenger seat of Steve's car, a place you were going to have to get used to. There was no music playing, just Steve blabbering off. You noticed the guy moved his hands a lot when he spoke, it was as if he always had to be doing something with them.

"Also- I think you should also come to my swim-meets, and some parties, not all of them though, I don't even want to go to all of them sometimes, but you know when you have a reputation to keep up- are you listening?" Steve asked, you looked at him now.

"Yeah. Something about...uh holding hands and stuff?" you said, Steve groaned. Oh yeah he said that first and you already responded to that. You smiled sheepishly.

"Byers must really be affecting you huh?"

That made you shoot him a look, "What does that mean?" He shrugged, keeping one hand on the wheel as he stopped at a stop sign. You were inching closer to the school.

"You've been so- distant. Not listening- are your grades slipping?" he asked curiously.

"Oh please," you said, as if you'd let your grades slip because of some dumb boy, "I admit I've been out of it, but not that out of it." You looked away from him and out the window, seeing your school in the distance.

Steve suddenly chirped, "Okay! I also did my entire essay over the weekend, I was so excited I couldn't sleep and then I thought of you which led me to think of my essay. I think it's pretty good." You couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay~ we will look at it tomorrow then." Steve nodded, and pulled into the school parking lot. You were nervous looking out the window, people were already turning their heads and his windows weren't exactly tinted. Of course everyone recognized his car. Steve looked over to you, smiling at you looking quite scared. He parked in you suppose a usual parking spot, since it was the same one you've seen every time he took you home. It wasn't very far from Jonathan's usual parking, so you couldn't help but look over there. It was empty.

You didn't know if you were relieved or upset.

It was a bit chilly outside, so you were glad you decided to bring a light jacket that you stuffed into your bag. Steve stopped you as you began to put it on, something he tended to just do now, and said, "Wait- you're not going to wear that right?" You scrunched up your nose, asking what the was wrong with your jacket. He shook his head, "Nothing. I just have something better for you to wear." And he began to zip down his jacket, and shrug it off his shoulders.

You sat there, with one arm still in your one sleeve of your jacket as Steve held his up for you to grab. It was the infamous Steve Harrington jacket, sure others had one just like it, but none were like his. None could rock it like he could. You should feel honored to wear it actually, if you cared about high school hierarchy. You removed your jacket, tossing it into his back seat, it falling over your bike and taking Steve's jacket from him. You looked down at it, feeling it between your fingertips.

"Won't you be cold?" you asked suddenly, watching as he rolled the sleeves of his dark blue shirt down and he shook his head.

"No, even if I'm cold, it doesn't matter. It only matters if my girlfriend- you," he poked you, "is warm or not. Boyfriend 101. Actually, add that to your list of rules. Now- remember rule #1." He clicked his tongue and got out of the car. You were going to say something like 'But I have my own jacket so you'll be cold for no reason' but him slamming his door shut ate up your words.

When you got out after he opened your door, eyes were already all on the both of you. You could feel it- you were getting uncomfortable already but Steve was just going about as if nobody were looking. You imagined he was used to getting all this kind of attention. Regardless, you put the jacket on, making Steve smile contently. It fell lose over your shoulders, the sleeves going just a little bit past your fingers. It was a little warm from Steve wearing it, kind of comforting in a way.

"There, happy?" you asked quietly as you looked up at him. He was standing close enough to hear you.

"Yes, and don't worry- you look cute," he complimented casually. You blushed, and Steve wrapped his arm around you now, holding you close to him. He was aware of your worries, about people staring and talking. He meant it that you just need to stick close to him, and that meant psychically. You hugged your books to your chest nervously, not feeling quite right with Steve's arm around you. You've never been this close to Steve, at least not close enough to inhale whatever cologne he was wearing, but you weren't complaining. It was quite a pleasant smell, most likely an expensive brand of sorts that didn't hurt the nostrils quite like others did.

"It's showtime- come on..." he said in your ear. You didn't respond, just putting your head up high and trying to make it seem like you weren't terrified.

Outside was okay, there wasn't much people- but once you got inside it's as if everyone just stopped talking and looked over to you. Your facade almost faltered, especially when the faces looked less curious and more...well you could say annoyed. Especially Tina Cline's, she actually rolled her eyes and looked away the moment your eyes met. You really could care less about her though.

There were definitely talking when it seemed like you were out of earshot, and snickers.

Steve simply grinned, and leaned in to tell you you were doing great. You nodded softly, sucking in a breath and continuing to walk with your fake-boyfriend. The hall seemed to part as you walked and Steve walked with you in his arm without a care in the world while you quite literally felt like you'd much rather die than have all these people looking at you and judging you horribly.

You decided to forgo the library, even though you both knew Nancy would be there, you both agreed that it would've made this whole fake relationship too obvious if he paraded you in front of her the first day. You had to make it as casual as possible, act like he forgot about her or something. So instead, you went this locker first to officially talk with his friends, Tommy H. and Carol. Truly, you hated them. If you hadn't known Steve personally, you'd probably have an extreme dislike for him just because he hung around those two assholes.

"Oh- so this...this is really happening here," Carol said in a surprise tone. Tommy H looked at you up and down and laughed softly, "Okay then."

"Yeah I thought it was some kind of prank," Tommy replied, you gave him a look and Steve raised his hand.

"Both you just be quiet- this is (y/n) and she is my girlfriend, so...play nice," Steve said, they stifled their smiles, which really ended up just being smirks. You forced a tight smile, and just waved awkwardly. Steve glanced at you and said, "See you guys later, come on..." you guys continued on your way, you were hoping towards your own locker, "Sorry about them- they could be like that sometimes." He apologized.

"I just need to get to their level, don't worry about it," you replied, because truthfully that's how you're going to get to them and because they were Steve's friends, you were going to be around them quite frequently, so you felt obligated to at least hold your own against them as Steve's "girlfriend." You were surprised how quickly adapted you were becoming to this whole thing.

Steve hummed as a response, and gave a simple nod of the head. He pulled you closer to him as you walked, the closer you got the less afraid you were becoming.

The day went on, and when you finally did see Jonathan it was during lunch of course. People were talking to you now, people you'd never even talked to before such as Timothy Hale, the quarterback, Lucy Thompson, hell even Tina and her wicked friend Rhonda were talking to you even if it was throwing slight shade. You were practically surrounded by these new people at the lunch table, Steve had you sitting between his legs, hands resting at your waist and occasionally resting his chin on your shoulder as they all seemed eager to speak with Steve Harrington's new girlfriend.

It was in the midst of their questions, and their random topics of conversation when your eyes and minded wandered away, and your eyes met Jonathan's brown ones from the across the cafeteria. You might've subconsciously looked over there because of he was in your old spot, Marlene's back had been to you, her dark hair falling down her back. From how ever far you were, which just quite a few tables, you could see he was practically glaring over at you, clearly annoyed and not happy. You had to scoff.

It was Steve asking you if you were listening to whatever Timothy was going on about that made you pull your gaze away, and you turned to Steve, almost pulling away from how close your faces were. Thankfully Steve leaned away a bit to give you space as you said, "Yeah! Sorry! I just need to use the restroom!" You even put in a very awkward kiss on Steve's cheek before pulling out of his arms and making your retreat. People watched you curiously, and Timothy slapped Steve's shoulder, starting to ask the real question as to how this relationship started. Steve's eyes lingered on you before turning away to answer.

Eyes were looking up at you, and you only walked faster, purposely avoiding Jonathan and Marlene before exiting the cafeteria and making an escape to the bathroom.

Luckily, it was empty, some girls barely leaving and you had half the mind to throw water on your face. You thought you could handle it, you really could- but the suddenly beating of your heart and your breaths coming quick you started to think you weren't cut out for it. You were suddenly very hot, and had to tear Steve's jacket off. You looked down at it in your hands, his lingering scent on it.

The door opened suddenly, you quickly swung the jacket over your arms to make it look like you were washing your hands.

"Hey (y/n)," you looked up quickly, seeing it was Nancy. You almost gagged at the weird coincidence of this all.

"Oh- hi," you said too timidly, Nancy smiled as she went to the sink next to you, setting her bag down to wash her own hands. You looked at yourself in the mirror for a second, then looked down to continue washing your hand.

"So...you and Steve Harrington huh?" she asked suddenly, giving you a small smirk. You tried to look for any kind of hurt, or you don't know- you didn't exactly know what you were supposed to be looking for. Jealousy? Envy? Sadness? But you just saw Nancy, just a girl interested in Steve's new girlfriend. She looked down at the jacket, recognizing it.

"Yeah- it was crazy," you said as steady as you could, "He asked me during lunch last Friday, and to be honest- I thought it was a joke. But- we talked more, and you know...it happened. It's a bit overwhelming, I've never exactly dated...especially someone that popular." You were surprised, you were almost having a mental breakdown and was properly speaking without dying. Nancy nodded, listening to you, "But you know...so far I don't regret saying yes. He's actually..."

"He's nice," Nancy finished your sentence, you looked at her. If you hadn't known their history you might've looked over that comment, but you did and clearly it meant more.

"Yeah, very nice..." you looked away, the atmosphere starting to feel weird. Thankfully, Nancy dried her hands quickly and smiled at you, telling you to have a good day. You nodded, waving good-bye and then you were alone again, that overwhelming feeling going over her once more, that conversation didn't do anything to make you feel better, you just felt weirder. And you didn't like it.

***

Steve noticed it, how you were pulling away from him again. When you came back from the restroom, you looked very uncomfortable that Steve had to get up. He met you half way, and asked, "Hey everything alright?"

You looked up at him, face almost in a pout. You looked like you were going to talk, going to tell him what was wrong with you but of course the bell rings. That bell always ruins everything doesn't it. You shut your mouth, and shrugged.

"I'm great- I'm fine!" you said, your demeanor changing. Steve gave you a suspicious look, and you winced softly, "Let's just get go and this day will be over okay?" Your fake-boyfriend was still giving you that look, you hoped he'd let it go but you knew he wouldn't. He also noticed you weren't wearing his jacket anymore, just holding it. He frowned.

It was in his right to know if you wanted to stop, he told you last Friday in the pool that you could stop at any point you wanted if you didn't want to do it anymore. He'd understand, after one day, because it was too much, the staring, the talking, these people were all suddenly interested in your life and knew who you were. You hated it, it was as if you were having a constant panic attack with all these people breathing down your neck.

And that conversation with Nancy didn't hit you right, like she knew or something and it bothered you. You got through your classes, putting on a smile and talking with these new people, you even got asked to hang out a few times by the girls who were literally snickering at you when you walked in. You fake accepted the invitation, knowing you weren't about to go bowling with them or some shit.

When the school day ended, you knew you had to tell Steve. He'd already taken your bike out, and set it nicely next to his car, but you ignored that for now and went in search of him, knowing he would be at practice by now.

You entered through the same doors as the last time you were here with Steve, instantly hearing the sound of a whistle and splashing and people just overall talking very loud. All you saw as you inched closer was the coach standing on the edge of the pool, a whistle hanging out of his mouth and a bunch of teenagers in speedos and swimming caps just standing around watching you assumed the varsity swim team doing rounds in the pool.

You couldn't find Steve, not sure because everyone suddenly looked the same. Some of the freshmen noticed you standing there awkwardly, hitting each other and pointing at you. You pursed your lips together, and walked closer especially when the swimmers in the pool were all on one side now. The coach blew a whistle, he seemed to not have seen you just yet.

"Harrington!" he called, your eyes widened and you looked in the pool to see Steve raise up his hand, "Do another round of backstrokes, watch closely boys." he pointed, and Steve put a thumbs up. He started, and you just watched now knowing which person Steve was. You weren't an expert on swim lingo, couldn't even tell if he was actually good or not, just taking his and many others words for it. It looked good from where you were standing. You never seen Steve without his hair though, a black swimmers cap covering most of his hair. You could spot a few strands sticking out.

Now the members of the varsity team, good friends of Steve were looking over at you and when the coach told Steve to stop- they told him you were there. He looked over to you, and you waved. He looked over to his coach, seeing he was about to get the freshman into the pool this time, so he climbed out.

And honestly, that was much more of Steve Harrington than you were willing to see. He walked towards you dripping wet, wearing nothing but a little black speedo. You couldn't stop the heat rising to your cheeks, and had a hard time keeping your eyes up north and not at his chest or any lower. He removed the little goggles, then even the swimmer's cap, his dry hair really standing in every direction possible.

"What's up?" he asked, you opened your mouth but no words came out, he looked over to see his team staring at him and he took your hand to see you a little bit farther away so whatever you needed to talk about couldn't be overheard. You took a deep breath.

"I don't know if I can do this," you admitted quietly, Steve grinned to your surprise and for a moment you thought he was going to say 'oh thank god me either'.

"You mean the whole...dating thing...or talking to me dressed like this," he asked instead. Your eyes widened and you blushed. He through his head back and laughed, "I mean it- I saw you struggling not to look when I was walking over here." He gave you a teasing look. You wanted to flick him like you always do but stopped yourself.

"No! I mean- yeah this too, put a towel on or something- but...the dating thing..."

Steve frowned now, and looked down, "Yeah I thought you were going to say that...I know I told you we could stop whenever you wanted but...after the first day? Come on at least it give it a shot? That's like me giving up on swimming after one loss."

"It's just weird okay! People are talking to me and I'm just not used to it-"

"Wait wait- you want to back out because...people are talking to you, noticing you?" Steve gawked at you, as if it wasn't good enough a reason to stop, "That's what happens! People talk, people want to get to know you, it's ...I don't know - just how it is. And yeah people talk- but that's just apart of life. Just ignore it." You bit your lip and glared.

"Well I'm not used to it like you are Steve, and it's...weird as hell!" you were raising your voice slightly, enough for the swimmers to glance over and Steve quickly lifted his hand and gestured for you to keep it down. You listened and in a quieter voice said, "And- I talked to Nancy okay? And it just felt weird to be lying to her...and like everyone?" Steve eyes shined at the mention of Nancy.

"You did, what did she say?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, I feel like she knows actually?"

"There's no way she knows," Steve waved you off, "When did you talk to her? I want to know." You rolled your eyes, getting off topic of how you wanted to end it already, Steve caught your look and scoffed, "Okay- sorry. But (y/n)...you seriously want to back out...after a day."

"You said I could back out whenever!"

"I didn't think you would back out in just a day!" The other swimmers were looking, and it was clear they were in an argument, something that definitly would get around that Steve and his new girlfriend were aruging. One of even said 'First fight?' and people snickered. Steve glared over there, and then looked back to you with these sudden puppy dog eyes, "(y/n) don't back out, give it more of a chance okay? Like...a month? It wouldn't make sense if we break up after one day- Just give it a chance okay? Please."

You stared at him, and you started to slightly agree with him. That wouldn't make any sense, and you did already agree to this. It was just one day, but you couldn't imagine a month, so you made another offer, "2 weeks." Steve thought for a second.

"Deal. But you have to try to give it an actual chance," Steve pointed at you, you groaned.

"Okay, okay," you agreed.

"Also- if you ever feel uncomfortable, just hold my hand or something and I'll find a way to like...get you out of the uncomfortable-ness," he said, you nodded again.

"Sounds good....should I like kiss you on the cheek to show we've made up?" Steve hummed and nodded.

"See! You're getting it, right here," he patted the corner of his mouth, and you leaned up to peck him lightly there. His teammates coo'ed, and you blushed as you leaned back down. Steve ignored them this time, giving you a satisfied smile.

"So- what did Nancy say?" You rolled your eyes, but smiled regardless.

"We'll talk about it after it school tomorrow, after I've read your essay." Steve pouted, then smirked.

"Fine, fine...see you tomorrow, I'll be there at the right time then, be ready this time," he said, you nodded.

"You got it, bye." You turned away now, but stopped with the door still open and said, "Wait! Do you want this back or?" you held up the jacket, Steve shook his head almost immediately.

"No it's yours for now." You blinked, looking down at it and just hummed. Alright then, you guess it's yours. You waved and finally left. Steve watched you go. When you were out the door, Steve turned around and blushed when his teammates were going 'Awwwwww' and making kissy faces.

You were quick to hop back to your bike, feeling slightly more better about everything. It was two weeks, only two weeks. That would go by fast, faster than you thought actually. When you got to your bike, you noticed there was a stack of stapled paper taped to your bike seat. You raised a brow and took it off, reading the note first and laughing. Almost as if he knew you were going to have that conversation ahead of time.

'(y/n)- I couldn't wait for tomorrow, here's my essay. I'm really proud of it. Also, don't lose my jacket! - Steve H.' and there was a poorly drawn heart.

You flipped the paper to scan through his writing, so far it didn't look as bad as you thought. You were definitely going to read this tonight. From where you stood, you couldn't see Jonathan going to his car, Marlene behind him talking about the pictures he developed of her. Jonathan wasn't really responding, not when he saw you standing by your bike next to Steve's car and grinning at the piece of paper.

"Jonathan, I said these came out really good," Marlene repeated for the third time, trying to gain his attention. He simply nodded.

"Yeah, I guess." Marlene frowned and Jonathan forced himself to look away from you.

Back to where you stood next to your bike, you re-read the note, and the stupid little heart, and thought that yeah...maybe you could do this

[pastelbatfandoms]

Get to know My Character

Taking this for My AHS Apocalypse Character. 

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? Her name is Helena and yeah I suppose I picked it for the symbolism. Her name does have the word HEL in it after all.  02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness? Her Boyfriend/Future Husband Michael Langdon would definitely be a weakness other’s could use against her.  Also Michael unintentionally does use her love for him to his advantage. Also fear of dying and becoming a Spirit again,to Haunt and nothing more.  03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? Her Red hair,her figure that she definitely uses to her advantage.   04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical) Just ONE?! ok...

Mentally Helena loves not only Michael’s Deviousness but his Innocence as well that few people,save for herself and Ms Mead,get to see or even understand.

Physically? I mean he is The Anti Christ he’s meant to be Beautiful. While he was younger he had an almost Angelic Beauty to him as he got older he exuded Charm and Sexuality. 

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type? Helena has never been particularly Shy,though she used to let Michael take the lead,once he was comfortable,often until she came back from Hell.  06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying? lol No hobbies but,I suppose being Bratty or Obstinate when he’s trying to be Authoritative to others in The Santaury,or in general,peeves him a bit. And does not go unnoticed,usually resulting in a Punishment once they are alone.  07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)? Not that she knows.  08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it? Is falling for The Anti Christ a flaw? I suppose that’s a matter of opinion. Falling for Serial Killers on the other hand... 09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? Christmas? lol probably Samhain tbh. But they don’t Celebrate in Traditional ways. Being a Spirit for so long Helena doesn’t really notice the changing of the seasons until she becomes Human again and even then she doesn’t care to notice it much,though she does like The Sun,something She misses after The Apocalypse. 

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine? Feminine all the way but she can still kick your ass or kill you. 11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage? Losing Michael,Michael being hurt,also she is the Jealous type,as is Michael,so him flirting with someone else,whether it’s to Manipulate them or not,does rub her the wrong way. Usually resulting in Angry late night Sex. Which isn’t always a bad thing...

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up? I mean being able to talk to the living and have them see her while a Ghost was a perk. (and vice versa) As well as Generally being a Witch and The Demonic Powers she received while in Hell. 

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? They are both Light sleepers. Helena is not used to sleeping much since she didn’t have to while dead. Also who can sleep with all those Do Gooders and White Witches trying to kill you. 14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates? Helena lived in The “Murder House” as it was coined years ago,so she’s always been around a lot of people,though I suppose LIVING isn’t the right word. When Michael brought her back Helena moved in with him and Ms Mead.  15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear. Her Ex,Dandy Mott. But when that someone is responsible for your Murder you tend to hold a grudge. Helena used to be scared off him especially when she descended into Hell,the first time,and had to relive her Murder over and over again. Until Michael came to get her and Disintegrated Dandy for good. 

16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like? lol Neither. She keeps fit on The Hearts of her Enemies ;) 17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children? Yes and Maybe. Though I think Michael is more keen on Adopting. We’ll name her Sabrina... 18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode? Somewhere Regal like a Mansion,A Castle or a Sanctuary.  19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily? Only if she were standing up for Michael,Lucifer ect.. or if someone said something she didn’t like and she was in a mood. Helena is an excellent Fighter now. 

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures? Not be stereotypical but she really likes Snakes and Crows,as well as Raven’s. Her favorite Mythological Creature is The Cerberus. 

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear? Helena has pretty much faced her fears. They’ve both Loved and Lost and Loved and Lost again. 

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have? Helena’s features are quite normal,though she does have an Otherwordly Aura around her that only Magnifies once she Descends into Hell the last time. Also The powers that Lucifer Bestows on her can make her eyes glow and turn more Demonic.  Helena is also more seductive and alluring once her and Michael reach adult hood,or Michael does anyway.

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved? lol School they are well past that. She was very good in school and well behaved until she met Dandy,though she was still Book Smart. Dandy wouldn’t have it any other way.  24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? What isn’t he like?... I will be making a A-Z Head-canons for what Michael is like Sexually,so stay tuned for that! 25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day? Her Death (Both when Dandy killed her and when The Coven did) The things that happened to her in Hell.  26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc? ^^ See above. 27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it? Killing Someone.... 28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for? A Model or a Famous Psychic/Tarot Reader.  29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one? Died for them.  30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like? Anything Retro or Vintage (like from The 1920′s to 80′s) Classical Music or anything with a Dark Ambiance. After discovering TV again Helena recently fell in love with The Craft,Interview With a Vampire, (because Lestat reminds her of Michael),Dusk Till Dawn and AMC’s Freakshow (it reminds her of simpler times) She also has a weakness for Slasher Films.  31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what? Yes and Both.  32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do? Just alone in there room,the two of them,or taking a stroll talking about anything & everything,including The end of the world. Michael is very curious. Followed by Ritualistic Sex that evening.  33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go? Helena rarely likes being alone as she was alone for far too long as a Ghost. But when she does need her down time she prefers practicing her Spells in The Woods alone at night or in her Darkened room with a glass of Wine while reading an Erotic or Historical Romance Series.  34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc) Not really. She prefers a good Home cooked Meal like Ms Mead or Constance used to make but she isn’t picky.  35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go? pffft been there,done that. Twice.  36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? No

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them? Being Disrespected,being made Jealous. 

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc? Again no Preference. 

39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct? Anything anyone assumes about her now is absolutely Correct. Except she is not being coerced into anything she says or does. 

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others? Already kind of answered this one. read Question 30. 41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way? Her real Family are all dead. Her Surrogate Family mean the world to her though. Dead and Living.  42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change? being taken advantage of by Dandy. Killing without a purpose or end game.  43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self? Michael,Constance and even Lucifer always get to see her True Self. Though she can be a bit more on around Lucifer.  44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? Having Michael die in her arms would be traumatic,the way she died in his.  45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve? Depends on who it is.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover? They are not one’s for PDA but if Helena can tell Michael is getting worked up she’ll go over and gently squeeze his hand or put a hand on his shoulder,calming him with Magic.  47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along? Outgoing now for sure. Helena’s done being told what to do. Which doesn’t go over very well with Cordelia or Lucifer. She’s very much a leader,but will share the spotlight.  48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? Um Obviously Michael being Flirty with someone else,especially a Follower.  49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood? ^See Dandy.  50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? She has or rather Michael just sensed it and told her he loved her too. Followed by a Passionate Kiss. It didn’t take long,they are destined after all. And have always been together in one form or another.

[mochakawa]

While I’m at it, carrying on my gray screeching, I wanna talk about something.

Riku’s jealousy.

I think it’s something we tend to gloss over a lot when we’re talking about Kingdom Hearts and the characters within, especially since it’s such a relief to watch Riku grow from what appears to be a spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum to a mature young man sacrificing his life for his best friend (and crush, if you’re taking a queer reading like I do, but that’s besides the point). 

But like... is he though? Is he just a spoiled brat that Maleficent manipulated into thinking Sora was replacing him with a talking dog and duck? I posit that Riku’s been afraid of being replaced for a very long time, and Maleficent saw that and honed in on it really quick.

I know we can take the fact that Square hasn’t given us any meaningful Riku and Kairi friendship moments as “Square has a shit time writing male/female friendships”, but for a moment, let’s take it as intentional.

The narrative we’re given through the main series is that Sora has two best friends, Riku and Kairi. And yeah, I think we can safely say that Riku and Kairi are friends. Friendly, at the very least, but...

Well.

Remember that we’re seeing these two through Sora’s eyes. Through Sora’s eyes, they must be best friends. They’re both his best friends, after all, so therefore they must be best friends too. But Kairi sure was willing to joke about leaving Riku behind in KH1 just because she felt like “he’d changed”. Sora responds to the line with an incredulous “what?!”, to which Kairi is quick to say “just kidding!” 

But you know, after being around for awhile, whenever you hear people say something they think won’t be received well and they follow it up with a “just kidding”, it makes you think: they weren’t kidding, and they’re only saying “jk lol” now because they don’t want to deal with the negative repercussions.

I’m gonna be charitable and say that Kairi picked up on something dark brewing in Riku that she didn’t know how to handle, and the prospect of being trapped on a tiny raft with that frightened her. That seems fair enough. But we don’t really see any indication that she ever mentioned her concerns to the person that could actually reassure her, or try to figure out how to fix the behavior she noticed.

We don’t see her talk to Riku about it.

She brings it up to Sora, who is his best friend, who might be able to do something about it, or at least who might feel confident enough to say something. Obviously Sora hasn’t noticed anything, and he’s confused by the whole thing, but the important thing here is that Kairi noticed something changing in Riku, possibly becoming progressively worse, and didn’t try to talk to him about it. Or at least, we aren’t shown it, so it’s safe enough to assume she probably didn’t.

I mean, she’s 14, that’s a difficult topic to broach.

But I’d think that someone that she considers her best friend would be someone she could talk to. Or at the very least, when she was talking to Sora, she might suggest that they both talk to Riku about it. 

Instead, she tries to play it off, and suggests taking the raft and leaving, just the two of them. 

And... well, we’re not really shown that Riku didn’t hear this. 

Here’s the thing. And I thought about it the last time I was playing the first game, and the added cutscene with Sora and Riku looking into the Secret Place as children came up. And something Riku says stuck out to me:

“Hey, Sora. When we grow up, let’s get off this island. We’ll go on real adventures, not this kid stuff!”

At this point, the boys hadn’t actually met Kairi yet. They’d heard about her showing up at the mayor’s place, but they hadn’t met her. This is one best friend asking another to go off into the wilds with him. Sora agrees-- but when they’re finally making those preparations to leave, it’s not just them anymore.

It’s Kairi, too.

Riku’s gone from being the center of Sora’s attention, from being his only best friend, to being one of two. And again, to reiterate, it’s not like Riku wasn’t friends with Kairi. But it’s not unlikely that it’s here, as children, were Riku first started to feel like maybe things wouldn’t always be the same. That there was a chance he might lose his precious person, even if he hadn’t conceptualized that yet. 

It’s really hard to battle that kind of resentment. You feel guilty because you know you shouldn’t be resentful, that it’s good that your friend is making more friends, that it’s good that you have the chance to make another friend, too. But you can’t help but look back and go “but look at what it was like before.”

It’s a small thing that can grow with the right push.

When we start KH1, they’re almost done with the raft. That is to say, Riku’s already been persuaded to let Kairi in on their adventure promise, and not only has this promise had another person shoehorned in, but the goal is different now, too. It’s no long about going on adventures with his best friend, it’s about finding out where Kairi’s from, seeing what Kairi’s birthplace was like.

It might’ve felt like it had gone from being about “Sora and Riku” to being all about Kairi, and I can see how a kid going through puberty, especially if he’s finding he’s not as straight as he once thought, can feel resentful over that. And I can definitely see how the firmly anchored facade of everything being fine could start to crack and lift.

It’s possible Kairi caught a glimpse of that resentment towards the end of their preparations. Or maybe she always had the idea that she wasn’t really 100% welcome. That doesn’t really matter; what matters is that when Kairi and Sora are sitting on the pier, Kairi seeming to hint at Riku’s carefully squashed deepest fear, and then proposing they run away from him for it--

Well. I’m not saying that is what happened, but why would Riku open the door the night before they were going to set sail on that raft if he thought it was the more sure way to do what he wanted? Unless he already thought he was being abandoned, and he had nothing to lose.

“The door is open, Sora! Now we can go to the outside world!”

Riku doesn’t say anything about Kairi until Sora brings her up, and then he’s almost angry about it. He’s defiant-- of course Kairi’s coming with us. She wanted to go so badly, and she wanted to tag along, so duh. Of course she has to come now.

But... Riku’s already being taken by the darkness before Sora ever finds Kairi. He lets it take him, even. How are they supposed to collect Kairi if they’re already gone?

TL;DR: Riku’s jealousy is well established as having some very real, very grounded basis, and I think it’s a shame to ignore it. It’s fun to joke about how Riku’s gay awakening caused the events of KH1, but I think that ignores the deeper, very real, very human reasons why Maleficent was able to drive a wedge between Riku and Sora so quickly. It’d be pretty obvious to someone well versed in manipulating people exactly how to manipulate a 15 year old boy who’s constantly talking about his best friend Sora. And sometimes Kairi, too. 

I think Riku’s big lesson in KH1 is that he needs to trust in his friends, which is why Sora’s tagline of “my friends are my power!” is so powerful. And why Riku’s keyblade would’ve ditched him for Sora, too. Riku’s heart always knew that he was precious to his friends, even if his deep fears lead him to think otherwise.

(And I think Aqua needed to learn that lesson too, but her story was handled SO MUCH LESS GOODLY than Riku’s, but that’s a rant for another time.)

[farklelucas]

all about the lesbian sea pirate

ahsjdkflg okay im gonna do the first section above the cut and the rest under

send me an oc and some numbers pls!! | here are my ocs!

Section 1 - About:

1. Briefly Describe your OC: Appearance, personality, role in a story, etc..

okay so!! hana is half-japanese, half-german, she’s got short/spiky black hair and fucking Huge brown eyes. she’s the protagonist of a thus-unwritten pirate love story and i fucking love her. she’s superbly socially awkward (doesn’t get customs like politeness or like asking before doing things asdjkfl), she’s a Romantic romantic, she loves sword-fighting, she was raised by her father (alongside three older half-brothers, though she was chosen as the heir to his ship which hmm pissed two of them off), she’s very much butch/tomboy, she loves adventure and sailing so fucking much, uhhh yeah her.

2. Briefly describe their backstory/childhood

like i said, she was raised by her dad, who she idolizes, along with her three brothers on the sea; she never knew her mother, because her father told her that she died giving birth to hana (or did she….? hm. maybe hana’s dad is just shitty?). she was always super excited to play and go on adventures and fight, especially with her three older brothers (only one of whom actually like. liked her.), and by the time she was old enough to hold a sword, her dad taught her how to. eventually, her dad became ill, and named hana, who was only 16, his successor. her two eldest brothers planned a mutiny to overthrow her, killing the other brother who protested. hana fought them but they escaped with half her treasure, promising to come back and kill her, and she’s spent the past six years seeking them out to defeat them.

3. Describe their family life and friends.

i mean i pretty much nailed her family, but she’s very close to all the crew. i’ll give you a quick rundown: there’s caspian, her first mate/quartermaster (grew up on the ship with her, an orphan who was stolen in one of the raids, searching out his lost family but is also a big time goof), dover, her “advisor”/sailing master (wise, lazy, arrogant, bitchy, basically her pseudo-father because her father was usually off being captain), darya, her gunner (slutty bisexual aromantic queen, runs the artillery AND the under deck gambling ring, always drunk, loyal to a fault especially to hana), and zarya (we’ll get to her later ;)) and the other lower-ranking crew members.

4. What is the world they come from like?

hmmm very mystical and mysterious, very “pirates are bad and suck and we dont like them even though they’re not usually bad” but. you know. hana is still an outlaw of the land. there are mermaids and sirens and cracken and curses so it’s better to assume that if its magical it exists.

5. Are they original or exist in a certain fandom?

original!!

6. Are they an introvert or extrovert?

extroverted babey

7. Greatest fear?

being unable to sail but also, later on, (SPOILERS) being arrogant and greedy and malicious like her father

8. What’s their sense of humor like?

honestly just fucking. stupid. she probably likes puns and like dirty jokes.

9. Favorite pieces of fiction or genres they enjoy?

i dont think she can read???? but her third eldest brother bourne would usually tell her princess stories and she liked those

10. Favorite music genres?

folk ig

11. Describe their vision of a perfect spouse, if applicable.

a tall, beautiful, kindhearted woman, who sees past the pirate savagery and sees her heart beneath; a woman who can rule the sea alongside her and knows how to handle her and keep her in check. (looks at zarya meaningfully)

12. Largest regret?

not being able to save bourne

13. Something your OC would say?

my quote for her in her bio is “what am i without adventure?” but i also imagine her saying to zarya, “you are more celestial than the stars, my love, and twice as beautiful to behold.”

14. Whats their morality like?

technically lawful good but could be a roulette wheel depending on the day

15. Would they live in a city, rural area, or suburb?

oof none but if she had to probably rural

16. Which actor would you like to portray your OC? (Or a voice actor)

sjskdldldl my face claim is jen ruggirello

17. Sexuality? Gender Identity?

lesbian baby!!!!!

18. What inspired you to make this character?

honestly?? probably a lack of rep in romance and adventure novels. i just love her!!!

Section 2 - If…

1. If they existed in another decade, what would they wear? (Asker can choose what decade) (Bonus points if you draw them!)

hmmm ill pick… current day tbh, and i imagine lots of overalls and baggy sweaters!

2. If they were in a RPG, what would be their class?

i have to imagine somewhere between paladin and a fighter, im not sure which.

3. If they received a large amount of money no strings attached, what would they use it for?

i honestly think she would just. go into the nearest village and buy all the local hungry children bread. like she wouldn’t horde it or spend it on herself. she has everything she needs.

4. If they competed on a competitive TV show, how would they approach to winning? (the “mean” one, the one who makes friends, the one who’s there for fun)

hm… i honestly dont even think she would think about it like that dkdkflfl. probably the charming one, the leader, the adorkable one.

5. If they could change one thing about their past, what would it be?

i think she would choose to keep in contact with her mother. not necessarily live with her, because then she wouldnt have her first love which is the sea, but just like. talk to her. know her better. go see her every few months. write her from different ports about their adventures.

6. If you met them, what would they do?

i would honestly probably be so fucking charmed by her. shes got that way about her, a leadership quality you can’t shake, even if shes really incredibly awkward too.

7. If your character exists in another series’ world, what would they be doing/look like?

i kind of imagine her in harry potter as like. this half blood gryffindor who’s So Gryffindor it hurts. on the quidditch team, always screaming about house pride, everyone loves her. and then she goes and falls in love with this muggle born slytherin and shakes the whole school dkdkkrklr

Section 3 - Other:

1. What other OCs would they get along with?

oh… i think it’s kind of cheap to say jack, because they’re both pirates, but honestly i think they’d get on like a house on fire. other than that… definitely michael minkus, who would make an epic first mate, and lucy stilinksi-hale, who she would probably wanna smash.

2. What’s their singing voice like?

bad. comically bad. she tries to sing to zarya sometimes and zarya locks her out of their room.

3. Take a personality test as the character. Post results.

okay so ive already taken a couple for her in the past (ex: gryffindor, entj, the motivator, etc.) so im gonna take a completely benign one off buzzfeed and post the results. so if she were a song off of thank you next she would be “bad idea” skskkdkd

4. What would be their fighting style in a fighting game like Mortal Kombat, Super Smash Brothers, or Street Fighter?

to outsmart her opponent, think two moves ahead of theirs just like in real life. jokes on her no one else is ever thinking skdkkfkfl

5. What are some mannerisms/quirks?

putting her feet up on tables, walking into rooms without invitation, holing up in her cabin for days working, smirking instead of smiling, smoking, docking in random cities for the thrill of adventure, wearing her blouses nearly completely unbuttoned, just taking things and enforcing sharing bc. she’s always shared everything with everyone naturally and she doesnt know to ask djdkfkfk

6. Describe their favorite meal.

honestly she’ll eat anything but just like. a Nice leg of mutton and a glass of beer. that’s it. that’s the dream.

7. What do they do when they’re bored?

her favorite activity is to randomly attack caspian and have impromptu sword fights with him, but she also loves stargazing and telling stories to the town children.

8. How do they express love/affection for someone?

honestly she’s very. nuzzley. soft. like a little kitten. also waxes poetic. at least romantically. platonically, shes usually like a dad friend sjdkkrlr. like im talking “attaboy” and punches on the arm. pep talks. dad voice. the whole nine yards.

9. Most embarrassing thing that could/has happened to them?

honestly, she’s not easily embarrassed ever. i think she’s kind of just like meh over most things. the most embarrassing thing that could happen would be losing the respect of her crew. she would hate that so much.

10. Make a portrait sketch of them!

[wrestlingisfake]

Best of the Super Jr. preview

This is New Japan’s annual junior heavyweight tournament--if you’ve heard of the G1 Climax, it’s basically like that, but ony for wrestlers under 100 kilograms (220 pounds).  The tour runs through fifteen dates from May 13 to June 5.

BOSJ is a round-robin tournament with two blocks of wrestlers.  Each wrestler will face every other wrestler in his block in a one-on-one match.  For each match, 2 points are awarded for a win, 1 point for a time limit draw, and 0 points for a loss.  (Double disqualifications and double count-outs are rare, but I believe both participants get 0 points in those outcomes as well.)  The wrestlers with the highest scores in each block then face one another to determine the winner of the tournament.  The tournament winner earns a trophy and the right to challenge Dragon Lee for the IWGP junior heavyweight champion at the Dominion show on June 9.  (If Lee wins the tournament, he gets to select his challenger.)

This year’s tournament is expanded from 16 men to 20, and for the first time every show will be streamed live on New Japan World with full English commentary.  Most shows will feature five matches from one block with filler in the undercard, but the ones on May 22, 23, 24, and 26 will feature ten block matches, and should be pretty action-packed.

We’ll take a look at the participants and some highlights after the cut.

A Block

Dragon Lee [CMLL] - The current IWGP junior heavyweight champion, who won the title at G1 Supercard in Madison Square Garden.  Lee specifically wants to hold the title until he can defend it against Hiromu Takahashi, who was injured in a successful title defense against Lee last year.

Jonathan Gresham [ROH] - A submission specialist, this is Gresham’s first BOSJ.  Like all the first-timers from outside New Japan, he’ll be looking to make a good impression to earn a spot on future tours.

Marty Scurll [ROH] - One of the ROH trios champions.  Over the past 18 months Scurll went from being Bullet Club’s key junior heavyweight, to breaking away with the Elite, to remaining in ROH while the rest of the Elite left to found AEW.  I get the feeling he’s waiting out his contract to leave, and I suspect that will cause him to be booked with a lower score this year.

Shingo Takagi [Los Ingobernables de Japon] - The absolute unit of the junior division, Takagi gets people wondering if he’s really making weight.  He jumped from Dragon Gate to New Japan last year to help fill in with LIJ after Hiromu Takahasi was sidelined.  Since then he has never been pinned or submitted, which makes him a favorite on paper to win this thing.  If someone can beat him in this tournament, it’ll be big news.  If he can go undefeated, it’ll be even bigger news.

SHO [CHAOS] - One half of Roppongi 3K, the IWGP junior heavyweight tag team champions.  Sho is the shy quiet one who wears gold.  After the Young Bucks left the junior tag division, R3K kind of got stuck wrestling the same two teams endlessly, so I’m looking forward to them in singles action.

Taiji Ishimori [Bullet Club] - He’s been BC’s main junior since the Elite exodus, and a dominant force as Kushida, Scurll, Ospreay, and Takahashi have fallen by the wayside.  A strong pick to go all the way.

TAKA Michinoku [Suzuki-gun] - He's one of the “Indeed!” guys from the WWF 20 years ago.  Taka mainly seconds Zack Sabre, Jr. these days, so I expect him to pick up a few wins but mainly put over the rising stars.

Tiger Mask [Hontai] - The fourth and longest-running performer of the role based on the Tiger Mask manga.  Tiger is the veteran of this field, having debuted in 1995.  It’s hard to imagine him scoring many wins in this block.

Titán [CMLL] - One of a handful of CMLL guys who regularly come in for New Japan tours.  This is Titán‘s first BOSJ since 2013.  He hasn’t had much of an impact in New Japan yet, and I don’t follow CMLL so we’ll have to see what he’s got.

Yoshinobu Kanemaru [Suzuki-gun] - I mean, he’s pretty much just the guy with the whisky bottle from Suzuki-gun and that’s about it.

B Block

Bandio [ROH] - A rising star from the Mexican indie scene, who was plucked from obscurity to headline last year’s All In show.  Bandido was a lock to go to AEW, but he chose to sign with ROH instead because of the opportunity to go to New Japan, so you have to figure BOSJ is a dream come true for him.  Another newcomer with a lot to prove.

BUSHI [Los Ingobernables de Japon] - He was LIJ’s resident junior until Hiromu Takahashi joined, and then he spent most of the past year being Robin to Shingo Takagi’s Batman.  My main interest in Bushi is that he sprays poison mist and Rocky Romero hates on him in color commentary.

DOUKI [Suzuki-gun] - A last-minute replacement for El Desperado, who broke his jaw in a match on May 7, Douki works for small promotions mainly in Japan and Mexico.  The story is that Suzuki-gun’s Taichi hand-picked Douki as a hired gun for the group.  There’s very little info on him, which makes him a pretty cool wild card for the tournament.

El Phantasmo [Bullet Club] - A Canadian wrestler who just came in from Rev Pro in the UK.  ELP got a hot start with a series of “coming soon” videos throughout the New Japan Cup and a flashy debut at Wrestling Dontaku.  He should do very well.  He might even win.

Ren Narita [Hontai] - One of the Young Lions, the rookies in black trunks who pull double duty as the ring crew and opening match jobbers.  Narita is a late substitute for ROH star Flip Gordon, who ran into work visa issues.  Here’s the interesting bit: In theory a young boy should lose every single block match, but Flip was probably supposed to get several key wins, which can’t be re-booked without altering the layout of the entire tournament.  So if there was ever a time for Ren Narita to score an upset, it’s gotta be now.

Robbie Eagles [Bullet Club] - An Australian, Eagles has been brought in for a couple of tours, particularly when Taiji Ishimori needs a tag team partner.  It’s not clear yet where his level is in the pecking order, but we’ll soon find out.

Rocky Romero [CHAOS] - The coach of Roppongi 3K and my pick for the best guy on the English announce team.  Rocky’s great, but as a wrestler he’s been largely a comedy prelim guy since the original Roppongi Vice broke up.  I’d love to see him get a big run, but I’m not counting on it.  Rocky’s dream scenario for this tournament is a three-way tie between Yoh, Sho, and himself.

Ryusuke Taguchi [Hontai] - ONe of the NEVER trios champions, and the coach of “Taguchi Japan,” which is basically “anybody teaming with Taguchi that wants to pretend he’s their coach.”  His ass is both an indestructible weapon and his secret weak spot somehow.  Taguchi kinda drops the comedy bullshit for BOSJ, but even 50% serious Taguchi is still pretty wacky.

Will Ospreay [CHAOS] - Ospreay recently had a run as the NEVER openweight champion, and was starting to move up into the heavyweight division before he lost the title at Madison Square Garden.  As long as he can still make weight, it makes sense for him to pursue this opportunity for junior gold, but it’s not clear yet if this is a retreat from the heavyweights or an attempt to do both at the same time.  Ospreay’s great but he runs himself too hard, too fast, and this would be a bad time for it to catch up to him...

YOH [CHAOS] - Sho’s partner in Roppongi 3K, the IWGP junior tag team champions.  Yoh is the pretty one who looks like a male model and wears silver.  He feels like the star of the team, and this could be an opportunity to make it official.

All right, let’s quickly run down some key matches I’m looking forward to...

May 13

SHO vs. Shingo Takagi - After months of their respective tag teams feuding, the Dontaku tour really played up the idea that Sho is obsessed with beating Shingo.  Now they’re going to get a chance to go at it one-on-one.

Dragon Lee vs. Taiji Ishimori - A rematch of their great title bout from Dontaku.  It’s time for Ishimori to get a win in this series, unless they just want to close the book on him chasing the title this year.

May 14

Ren Narita vs. DOUKI - As luck would have it, I guess Flip Gordon and El Desperado were slated to be each other’s first opponent, so now we get to see their replacements go at it right away.  This will be my first look at Douki, so I’m real curious what he’s got.

May 15

Marty Scurll vs. Taiji Ishimori - The Bullet Club vs. Bullet Club match I didn’t get to see last year, when these were the two juniors in the group, and the group was embroiled in civil war.  I guess that issue doesn’t matter anymore, but I still want to see the match.

May 16

Will Ospreay vs. Rocky Romero - A Chaos vs. Chaos match.  These guys have been the foundation of Chaos’s junior roster for years, but Ospreay came up just as Rocky was drifting down, and they’ve never met in BOSJ before.  I dig the idea of Rocky pulling his “sneaky style” on a guy from his own faction that ain’t got time for that shit--it’s basically the junior equivalent to Kazuchika Okada vs. Toru Yano.

Robbie Eagles vs. Ren Narita - If Ren is gonna score a win in this block, it’d probably be here, against an expendable prelim guy that would never have been booked to pin Flip Gordon in the original plans.  I don’t have my heart set on it happening, but it will be interesting to see if they can work around not doing it.

May 19

El Phantasmo vs. Robbie Eagles - The real Bullet Club vs. Bullet Club match of the tournament.  Both of these guys are just holding Ishimori’s water until they step up.  Phantasmo needs to squash Eagles hard if he’s gonna be a title contender, but Eagles can’t just lay down for that.

May 22

YOH vs. Rocky Romero - Will Yoh be able to stay a step ahead of his coach?  Will Rocky be able to bring himself to cost Yoh 2 points in the tournament?  I expect some big drama in this one.

Will Ospreay vs. El Phantasmo - I don’t follow the British scene so I’m not clear on the backstory between these two, but it’s definitely there.  I’m counting on some intense flippy violence here.

May 23

Rocky Romero vs. Ryusuke Taguchi - It’s coach vs. coach.  The alliance between Chaos and Hontai has led to some overlap in the roles of these two--in eight-man tags they often call “plays” for their teammates.  There was some talk a while back that they agreed the winner of this match would be the one and only coach going forward, but I’m not sure if they’ll follow through with it.  This should be some quality comedy nonsense.

Dragon Lee vs. Shingo Takagi - One’s champion and the other is (so far) undefeated.  One put Hiromu Takahashi on the shelf, the other took his spot.  This could get real interesting, especially if Shingo has managed to avoid a loss up to this point.

May 30

Rocky Romero vs. BUSHI - Listen, I’m a Rocky Romero mark, okay?  He is furious that Bushi even exists, and complains about him constantly on commentary.  It’s like Corey Graves and Elias!  Or Corey Graves and Booker T!  Or Corey Graves and Bayley!  Or Corey Graves and Renee Young!  Except it’s actually going to culminate in a match!  This match!

May 31

Shingo Takagi vs. Taiji Ishimori - I have a pretty good feeling that this one match is going to end up deciding the A Block--it’s a pick-’em and it would make sense as the main event.

June 3

Will Ospreay vs. Ryusuke Taguchi - The last day of B Block doesn’t have any super obvious feature match but I could see Ospreay needing these last two points to win the block over Phantasmo.

El Phantasmo vs. DOUKI - Likewise, I don’t see this as a top attraction--ELP is a clear favorite to win--but it could be more important in determining who gets mathematically eliminated.

June 5

I’ll come back around later to preview the finals.  At this point, though, it’s real hard to predict who will make it to the end.  The logical favorites are Shingo, Ospreay, Phantasmo, Dragon Lee, and Ishimori.  But it’s not like the main event of a stadium show is riding on this, so they could surprise everyone with a big run from Sho, Yoh, Taguchi, or Bushi.  Hell, Douki could unmask and turn out to be Michael Nakazawa or something, and go 10-0, and it wouldn’t knock the earth out of its orbit or anything.  Anything could happen, which should make this a fun time.

[awesome-power-cat]

Doki Doki Literature Club: Character files Decoded.

(Possible Spoilers) CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK.

     My sister Lilly and I, decoded everthing below after I noticed that the text within Yuri's ".chr" file resembled (that of) Base64. We then searched and decoded the other character files.

DISCLAIMER: I have yet to fully complete the game, therefore I haven’t fully read the following data (text) to it’s fullest. (That’s why I’m unsure if it contains spoilers)

Monika’s “.chr” file Decoded:

After opening Monika's ".chr" file, I noticed it looked like an image file. So I renamed the file extension to ".png" and got the image below.

     The image resembles a ring of fire with some form of QR code in the middle, however this was not a QR code. I cropped out the ring of fire so I was left with the code in the middle. After examining the code I tried a few ideas we had, and they all failed. I then thought what if this is binary, the white pixels represent ones, while the black pixels represent zeros instead of typing each zero and one out by myself, I programmed a simple java program that would scan the pixels left to right, and output the corresponding value (Zero or One ), based on the pixel color (Black or White). The end result is a binary code. We used an online tool to decode the binary and the result was a bunch of letters and numbers. These "letters and numbers" looked like Base64 so, we used another online tool to converter those "letters and numbers" to text. That's how we got the message below.

"Can you hear me? ...Who are you? I can't...I can't see you. But I know you're there. Yeah...you can definitely hear me. You've been watching for a while now, right? I guess I should...introduce myself, or something. Um...my name is...actually, that's stupid. You obviously already know my name. Sorry. Anyway...I'm guessing if you were able to put a stop to this, you would have done it by now. I mean, I know you're not, like...evil, or anything...because you've already helped me so much. I should really thank you for that. For everything you've done. You're really like a friend to me. So...thank you. So much. I think...more than anything else...I really don't want it to all be for nothing. ... Everyone else is dead. Maybe you already know that. I'm sure you do, actually. But...it doesn't have to be that way, right? Well...there's a lot of stuff I don't understand. I don't know if it's even possible for me to understand it. But I know that this isn't my only story. I can see that now. Really clearly. And I think everyone else has had the same kind of experience. Some kind of deja vu. It's the Third Eye, right? Anyway...I could be totally wrong about this. But I really think you might be able to do something. I think you might be able to go back...or however you want to put it... ...To go back and tell them what's going to happen. If they know ahead of time, then they should be able to avoid it. They should...if they remember their time with me in the other worlds...they should remember what I tell them. Yeah. I really think this might be possible. But it's up to you. I'm sorry for always being...you know... ... Never mind. I know that's wrong. This is my story. It's time to be a fucking hero. Both of us. 2018"

Yuri’s “.chr” file Decoded:

Upon opening Yuri's ".chr" file. I instantly noticed text that looked like Base64. I used an online tool to convert the Base64 text to the message below.

Warning: The following text is... uh.. intense. You've been warned!

"If you found this note in a small wooden box with a heart on it, then *congratulations!* You are probably the first person to read this. I didn’t really plan on sharing this with anybody, but for some reason I think it’s exciting that somebody out there, a complete stranger, will come across this note and read my story. Someone I will never meet, sharing such a personal bond with me. I’m fascinated that either one of us could die - even as soon as tomorrow - with the other being completely clueless to the fact. To you, my entire life is within this note, and so I will live for as long as your memory can carry me. Writing this, I’m wondering if that makes you feel fascinated or violated. It’s so exciting. I’m sorry if my story is a bit disorganized, but I’d like to get it down while it’s still fresh on my mind. First, I’ll tell you a little bit about myself. I’m a first-year college girl and have led, by most standards, a pretty unspectacular life up to this point. I grew up in an upper-middle class school district with decent teachers. I did track in middle school and some of high school, and I’ve had two boyfriends. Now, I’m studying for a career in occupational therapy, because I feel the field is undervalued and provides tremendous help to people. I’m giving you this background because there’s this strange misconception that if you want to kill someone then you’re either sick in the head or you have anger management issues. But, it’s very apparent that I don’t fall into either of those categories. It’s true that most murder cases are in a domestic setting where someone loses control of their anger or something. But the thing is that those people kill under provocation, whether by a singular outburst or by a slow-burning series of misfortunes. Those people kill because in that brief moment, they want a specific someone, for a specific reason, to be hurt or killed. What I’m talking about is wanting to kill someone for no specific reason, maybe just to see what it’s like. Do you ever get that? I wouldn’t know how others feel, because it’s not something I ever talked about. But I’ve been curious about what it’s like to kill someone ever since I was a child. Not killing anyone in particular, just a random person. It’s always just fascinated me that if I put my mind to it, I can approach anyone, and in five minutes they would be completely gone from this Earth. But I’ve never done so for a couple of reasons. First of all, for most of my life it was logistically impossible for me to do it without getting caught. I only got my driver’s license a couple years ago, and even then, the preparations would take too much time, definitely stirring suspicion. It was only once I started college that I realized this was no longer an obstacle. Another reason is that I was afraid of causing harm to too many people. You might laugh reading that, at how hypocritical it sounds. But, let me explain: Why should I feel bad about killing someone if they’re too dead to care? Who would I be feeling bad for? Contrarily, it’s the grief of the living that I’d rather not be responsible for. Because of this, I knew it would take a good deal of research before finding a suitable person to kill, and I’ve never had the means to do so - again, until I started college. And now, having just experienced it, I’d say it was pretty satisfying in the end. Something I would try again? Probably not, since my curiosity has already been satisfied. It really wouldn’t be the same a second time. But anyway, if by any chance you’re also curious to kill someone, then you’re welcome to take notes. :) *** I started a hobby of people-watching soon after I entered college. People-watching is interesting to me because it’s taking one of the infinite extras in your life and turning them into a main character - without them knowing, of course. It’s so easy to forget that every single one of the hundreds of strangers you pass every day has a life story as deep and complex as your own. One thing I noticed about people-watching, and wanting to kill someone, is that you are in more constant awareness of this. When I find a person to observe, their story slowly becomes more clear to me over time, gaps being filled - it really is amazing. I usually went to grocery stores on weekends and looked around in people’s shopping carts. If I saw something that interested me, I decided to observe the person for a little bit. Of course, since my goal was to find someone to kill, I ruled out anyone who had children or a partner with them. Wedding rings were another tell-tale sign. So maybe once a weekend, I would find someone who fit my criteria, at which point I would follow them home and note their address. From there, it became incredibly easy to investigate a little bit more; most people have normal work hours, meaning I could spend afternoons going through their mail or looking around in their house. I repeated this with several people (and had one close call), but for varying reasons I didn’t really feel satisfied enough with them to kill any of them. I started getting a bit impatient and thought that I might just settle for killing the man named Devon, even though I didn’t really want to kill someone wealthy. But then, I came across someone new - someone who just, felt perfect. The feeling only strengthened as I investigated her further, and I knew that she would be the one for me to kill. A young-looking woman I met at the grocery store, as per usual. She was doing some light shopping with a basket. Her hair was wavy and dark brown, sitting inelegantly on her slumped shoulders and surrounding her tired-looking face. Her bare fingers told me she might be single, but beyond that, my gut was almost certain of it. This woman just seemed so…plain, really. I guess I felt a greater acuity for the personal lives of strangers ever since I started my people-watching. But the way she carried herself, I just got the feeling that if she suddenly died, nobody would be around to miss her. Of course, I still wanted to investigate her a bit. I followed my usual routine of checking out her place during her work hours. I learned immediately from her mail that her name is Linda Watson. Linda lived in a quiet apartment complex, her mailbox easily accessible right outside her door. Instead of quickly shuffling through it, I decided I could take her mail back to my dorm and return it before she was finished with work (she only lived about 15 minutes from me). I did some research and learned how to open and reseal the envelopes without damaging them, which took some technique along with a hair dryer, rubbing alcohol, and Q-tips. This made it easy for me to learn a little more about her. Linda was a 33-year-old woman who worked for a small accounting firm - I’d rather not name the place outright. Her birthday was December 11th which, coincidentally, was approaching in a couple weeks. I also managed to find a bank statement that gave me a nice look into how she’s been spending her past month. It was at this point I realized that my assessment of Linda Watson as an extremely plain woman was pretty spot-on, because there was absolutely nothing interesting on the list. A trip to Old Navy, a bunch of Starbucks, something about $40 from Amazon - no restaurants, no movies, nothing that would really imply she was spending any time socializing. That aside, I also found a cooking magazine, so I guess she was into cooking. Apartments are harder to break into than suburban homes, because there are fewer doors and windows. Every time I got Linda’s mail, I would check the front door and the windows in the back, but they were always locked. This was a bit frustrating because I was really interested in getting into her house. So, I came up with a sort of plan that I thought would be fun, even if it didn’t work. Last Saturday, I visited Linda Watson’s apartment complex as I would on weekdays. The difference is that this time, I wanted her to be home. I thought it would be interesting to have a conversation with her. If I got lucky, I could take advantage of the situation to discreetly unlock a window from the inside. So, I walked up to her door wearing nothing warmer than a light sweatshirt, and knocked. The adrenaline rush was crazy. I was afraid I might screw something up. The door opened, and in front of me stood Linda Watson, exactly as I remembered her from the grocery store. It was at that moment, making eye contact for the first time, that I realized I was running the risk of beginning to care about this person. As selfish as it is, I couldn’t kill a person I cared about, even if it’s a 33-year-old woman standing in a doorway with a slightly perplexed look on her face, giving me a reserved “Hello.” Arms crossed from the cold, I shyly returned Linda’s greeting. I explained that I was walking my dog near the woodsy area behind the back of her apartment, and that he had gotten away. I had been looking for my dog for an hour and was wondering if Linda may have seen him roaming about. Of course, Linda sympathetically apologized for the situation and that she couldn’t be of use to me, but that she would keep an eye out. I wore a defeated expression in response, apologizing in return for troubling her. It somehow went exactly as I had hoped - Linda invited me inside to warm up a bit with some coffee. I outwardly hesitated before accepting her offer, although on the inside I wanted to jump through the door and hug her for cooperating so well. And that’s how Linda Watson ended up with a 19-year-old girl next to her on the couch - who knows if it was just a nice gesture or if she really has no better way to spend her Saturdays than talking to some kid she just met (who happens to be interested in killing her). Linda soon learned that my name is Maria (it’s not) and that I attend the nearby community college (I don’t). I was a little bit nervous that she would ask me too many questions because I didn’t have many answers prepared. I was able to steer the conversation toward her, and she was pretty happy to talk. I asked what she does, and she told me that she works for the accounting firm I already knew about, communicating with outside clients and keeping records. I told her I was pretty nervous about growing up. She told me to enjoy college and to make lots of friends because there’s less opportunity once you start working. When I asked if she was married or anything, she laughed. Of course I knew she wasn’t married, but I wanted to hear more about her love life. She said that she doesn’t currently have a boyfriend (I guess she’s at least had boyfriends, but who knows how long ago). When I asked her about kids, she said she doesn’t want them until she gets a better job. On top of that, she told me that her family has a history of some genetic diseases such as arthritis and depression, which she is afraid to give to her kids. It’s funny that she mentioned that because when I asked to use her bathroom, I noticed a tube of prescription pills on the sink. It was labelled duloxetine, which I looked up later and discovered that it is in fact an antidepressant. I had a joking thought that maybe by killing her I’d be doing her a favor, but quickly decided I was a terrible person for coming up with that. The rest of the visit was pretty dull. We talked about food and some other mundane stuff before I eventually made an excuse to leave. I didn’t get the chance to unlock a window or anything like that, but I didn’t really feel the need to go through her apartment anymore. As early as the drive back to my dorm, I was already thinking about how I would best like to kill Linda Watson. The choice was between effectiveness and fun. I decided to go with fun, because it would be way more satisfying to kind of dissect her as I killed her, rather than just getting it done and calling it a day. Fast-forward one week to December 13th - today, actually. Linda Watson turned 34 two days ago. I made a fun little wager with myself where if Linda was spending her birthday weekend alone, I would pay her a visit and kill her. If she was out or had company, I would stop by next week or something instead. So this morning, I drove over to Lowe’s and bought an axe. Again, I expect you’re laughing, but that’s also kind of the point. An axe is so kind of cliche and a “movies” thing that I actually thought it would be the most fun. Swinging it at someone and everything, it’s a really entertaining image. They actually had a bunch of different axes, so I picked one that had a good weight but was still light enough for me to swing quickly. The drive after getting the axe was when the adrenaline really picked up. All that kept going through my mind on the way over was “Wow, I’m really doing this.” Not in a bad way, just like a surprised this is real life sort of thing. I also got this strange rush of recollections of the time I spent with Linda. It was like my life was flashing before my eyes, except it was just the rather mundane hour I spent with Linda - like snippets of our conversations, the sound of her laugh, her facial expressions and stuff. I also wondered to myself what the crazy serial killers would be feeling at a time like this - schizophrenic delusions? Sexual buildup? I have no idea, but what I felt was kind of like ridiculously alert and numb in the senses at the same time, however that’s possible. Before getting out of the car, I had the sense to stuff the axe into my backpack to look a little less ridiculous walking across the parking lot. The handle was sticking out, but that didn’t really matter. At that point my heart was pounding so hard I could feel my throat throbbing. I tried controlling my breath, but it’s really hard to not breathe fast when your heart is pounding like that. I reached Linda Watson’s door and quietly put my ear to it after setting down my backpack. I heard a voice that wasn’t hers - company? No, it was just the TV, mixed with her occasional tapping footsteps behind the door. I actually kept my ear there for a really freaking long time, because I wanted to make absolutely sure nobody was over. Probably 10 minutes of that and a lot of reassuring myself convinced me. I quietly opened my backpack zipper and held the axe in my hands. My fiercely shaking hands. What the hell was this kind of reaction that my body was making? I told my body to shut up, that it’s no big deal, but of course it wouldn’t listen. It was actually bizarre how much my hands were shaking. It must be the adrenaline buildup. I rolled my eyes at myself and got my hand to rest on the doorknob. If it’s locked, I’ll knock, it’ll be basically the same. I took a deep breath and forced my muscles into action. I swiftly turned the doorknob. Not locked. In one movement, I opened up the door and slipped inside. Linda Watson, just a few steps away into the kitchen. I see - she was in the middle of cooking. She immediately jumped and turned around, startled. I expected that. Quickly, I let go of the doorknob and adjusted the axe into both hands. In the following split second, I realized that she would probably start to make a lot of noise. Looking back, I’m an idiot for not considering that. Just as Linda’s mouth opened to speak - maybe even started speaking - I forcefully swung my axe into the side of her head. But, my axe was facing backwards. I hit her with the blunt end of the blade. I actually did this on purpose, because in that split second I somehow decided that it would be the way to keep her noise to a minimum. It actually worked. I felt barely any resistance in the swing as I collided with her head, knocking it clean aside. Linda’s half-formed syllable came out as a kind of weird grunt - a noisy exhalation is probably the best I could describe it. That happened at the same time as her head smacked into the cabinet from the force, and she fell backwards without any ability to keep her balance. I didn’t hesitate at all to keep swinging at her while she was half lying down on the ground, this time my axe facing the right way. I didn’t really know where to swing, so I kind of just started hacking at her collarbone area and chest. It didn’t feel like the axe was going too deep, but there was a nice “thunk” sort of sound every time the axe embedded into her. I even felt the soft sinking sensation ripple into my hands, like the axe was a kind of physical extension of my sense of touch. On a whim, I swung once at her throat, but most of the swing actually missed and I hit the floor by accident, causing a loud, dull whack to resonate through the apartment. I didn’t have time to think about it. I swung again with better aim and got a more centered hit, feeling the bone or cartilage or whatever is in there, so I must have split it open. Right after that, I decided to swing at her face, and I got this diagonal cut along her nose and mouth, which felt pretty good so I did it once more. I finally briefly stopped to survey the damage. Linda was bleeding ridiculously. The blood was kind of coming out in waves, in sync with her beating heart, probably. It was pooling all around her and riding along the cracks between the tiles. Her light blue shirt was all torn up and stained dark, kind of mixed with a fleshy mess around her chest. It was all just glistening red. Her face wasn’t much better, covered in dripping red at this point, and her lip was kind of hanging off, revealing red-stained teeth in a really weird way, like a zombie or something. Linda wasn’t dead, though. Her limbs were kind of weakly, aimlessly trying to move while she was stuck on her back. More than anything, she reminded me of a bug that you crush but it still pitifully moves its legs around before it dies completely. That’s basically what she was doing. But I didn’t know how long it would take for her to die, or what kind of condition she was in. I ended up grabbing a big knife that was on the counter that she was using to cut up meat. Trying to step around the blood, I reached down and carved into the upper half of her neck, trying to sort of saw it from the left side to the right. It was a little awkward because the area was so soft and squished around the knife as I was cutting. But the sensation was completely different from the axe. It actually felt like I was cutting a tough piece of raw meat (which I guess technically, I was). The blood started pouring out, and I hoped that I severed the most major arteries in there. It must have worked, because after a moment Linda’s limb movements kind of just had the strength drained from them, soon resting still on the floor. I took a few seconds to catch my breath. No time to stick around and think about the experience. I shook the knife blade through a dirty pan in the sink to clean off the blood, then threw the knife into my backpack. I did the same with the axe. I also took her laptop that was sitting on the counter. It had some recipe open for veal and mushrooms. I didn’t really take the laptop to use it, since I have a perfectly good one myself that I got for college. I just wanted to look through it for fun. I finally went outside and closed the door behind me. I got some blood on my sweater and jeans. But funnily enough, I actually anticipated that so I wore dark colors. The drive back to my dorm was just a constant replaying of the experience in my head. I guess that’s still kind of happening even now, actually. But it felt pretty nice. Linda Watson is dead. I kind of let the weight of that sink in. The sensation of having completely removed a human life from existence. It’s crazy. I don’t know how else to describe it. Anyway, I threw the axe and knife into a dumpster on campus, which I think is picked up every Monday, so they’ll be gone by then. My roommate goes home on the weekends, so I have the dorm to myself today. It gave me the chance to go through Linda’s website history. I was right in thinking that’s where her deepest secrets would lie. There was actually a lot of dirty stuff, like the names of websites for porn videos and stories and things like that. Same with her searches. A lot of the websites were boring, like cooking websites and recipes, and game websites like Bejeweled and stuff. I eventually got to the “one week ago” section of her history, and it gave me a chill. There were a whole bunch of searches like “methods of suicide”, “how to tie a noose”, “dangerous household chemicals”, “carbon monoxide poisoning” - like a lot of them. She was probably ready to write a book on suicide after all the research she did. So I guess Linda was contemplating suicide. I wonder if it was influenced by her depression. The irony is actually striking. Maybe Linda was going to die anyway. Or maybe she couldn’t find the courage to do it. If that were the case, I almost literally gave her a birthday present by killing her. That’s actually really comical in a messed-up way, and it leaves a weird taste in my mouth. The part I don’t get is that I didn’t see any of those searches up until the “one week ago” section, nothing more recent than that. I ended up throwing the laptop in the dumpster with the other stuff. It’s been a few hours since then, so I’ve had some time to calmly think about everything. Like I said, it was pretty satisfying and I’m glad I finally got around to it. I feel like I can finally cross it off my bucket list, or like I’m tying loose ends with myself. This is probably the first and last time I’ll write the name Linda Watson - it’s back to living a normal college life, except I might do some people-watching every now and then because it’s definitely fun and interesting. But I’ll always wonder how many people there are like me. I’m sure there has to be a lot, because there is just nothing strange about it to me, being curious about killing someone. Sadly, it’s something that people can’t exactly just talk about, so I guess I’ll never know. I’m sure that anyone would just lie about it even if you asked them. But you can’t help but wonder if that person in the grocery store, who stares at you as you pass by, might be considering what it would be like to kill you. If I could, I would tell them all about it, so they could decide for themselves. But who knows, maybe I got lucky, and that person is you. I actually really, really hope so. ~♥"

Natsuki's ".chr" file Decoded:

We haven't figured this one out yet, but we have a few ideas. Note the image is seamless horizontally.

When we opened Natsuki's ".chr" file we again noticed it looked like an image file. We simply renamed the file extension to ".png" or ".jfif" to get the image below.

     The above may have already been documented/decoded. I would like to note that not all of the character files were encoded with Base64.

Thank you for reading, even though it may have already been done.

[stereogeekspodcast]

[Transcript] Season 1, Episode 2. Flashback Favourite – Supernatural

Supernatural came to an end in 2020. We look back at 15 years of the show and discuss why we loved it. Spoilers ahead for the finale of the show.

Listen to the episode on Anchor.

Read more about Supernatural here: Best Supernatural episodes Best Dean moments Best Sam moments The food of Supernatural Revisiting the Destiel scene on Supernatural

[Continuum by Audionautix plays]

Ron: Welcome to the second episode of Stereo Geeks! Today, we'll be talking about Supernatural. I'm Ron.

Mon: I'm Mon. In 2005, the world was introduced to Sam and Dean Winchester and their family business—hunting monsters. This year, in 2020, we said goodbye to the Winchester brothers and their lasting legacy. In this Flashback Favorite, we talk about Supernatural.

Mon: We’ll be discussing the entire series, including its finale, so there will be spoilers ahead.

Ron: We didn't we didn't start watching Supernatural in 2005.

Mon: No, I was too scared of horror stuff, so I refused to watch Supernatural

Ron: But I do remember us seeing the ads. I was quite intrigued. We eventually started watching it around the third or fourth season?

Mon: Yeah. I think it was after Mark Shepard attended the first Comic Con in Dubai.

Ron: That was in 2012.

Mon: He talked about it. And then we started following the show in earnest.

Ron: And then we went back to the first season and started watching it again. And yeah, it was quite the experience!

Mon: It's draws you in, especially with the dynamic between Sam and Dean Winchester.

Ron: Yes, the two brothers are similar in many ways to us.

Mon: Yes, I think so.

Ron: They're sweet. They're funny. They're sarcastic. They get into trouble a lot. But they always come back for each other.

Mon: And I like how it's always the little moments, which I like the most about their character dynamic. And the way they fight with each other. They get angry but then they have their backs, supporting each other at every turn.

Ron: That's exactly how you and I are. We fight. We get angry with each other. And then there's just a reason for us to come back together.

Mon: Absolutely. The show has been problematic at times and has a lot of issues. And we will touch on some of that in this episode. But honestly, it's really that central dynamic that keeps us coming back.

Ron: It's not just Dean and Sam that carry the show. We also see them grow their family. In the sense that they bring in Crowley, who is, for a long time, the King of Hell. Castiel joins them in season four, and he becomes an integral part of the show. He also becomes their family.

Mon: He's like a third brother.

Ron: He is a third brother. But, as we learn, he feels a lot more than that.

Mon: What do we enjoy about Supernatural the most?

Ron: Sam and Dean! Well, I like the fact that when we first started watching the ads for the show, we had very clear divide. I very much liked Sam, and you were very drawn to Dean.

Mon: I liked Dean because he’s snarky.

Ron: I liked Sam's sweetness. He was very sweet. He still is very sweet. He's also very much a younger brother.

Mon: He always needs to be protected and taken care of. But he's always very earnest. He's more responsible.

Ron: And he has a particular way of doing things. Whereas Dean is very much ‘let's just go and do something’. And sometimes, he doesn't plan. But Sam is very booksmart.

Mon: He's very meticulous. He's very organized. Dean is much more of the doer.

Ron: Sam is the researcher. And I am the researcher.

Mon: Yeah, I do.

Ron: You do things, I research things. So, that's definitely one of the biggest draws, that we saw parts of our personality in these two characters. But it was also the stories.

Mon: Yeah, it was very entertaining. We had so many different kinds of creatures from myths and legends. I would say I preferred when there were mostly vampires and werewolves. When the show really went into the biblical stuff? I've always struggled with it.

Ron: I guess I agree with that, as well. I do like how they handled the biblical elements. Angels are dicks. Demons can be friends. Those are unexpected ways of handling these elements. I really enjoyed that.

Mon: I think they worked really hard to subvert some of the expectations of it being seen as a religious show. I remember seeing an interview or something a long time ago, where Jared Padalecki was saying, when he saw the script, it was talking about angels and demons. He said, Oh, my God, is this becoming a religious show. But it wasn't. It was still the same show, just different characters and creatures being added to it.

Ron: And they really expanded their roster. Initially, the main antagonists were demons, and I enjoyed the way they were bringing in that kind of mythos. But I like the other kinds of creatures that they brought in from around the world.

Mon: I think we learned more about their interpretation of djinns and other creatures who, you know, you really had research!

Ron: Yes, we don't know that much about all the other places outside of India. We do know some of the legends from the United States and from the UK. But it is good to see some elements from South America.

Mon: There was that episode with the Japanese ghost, remember? Who's tied to that beer or wine? That was a funny episode.

Ron: Ma Kali ends up in one episode, played by Rakesh Sharma, who is very cool. So yeah, that was fun. Not many Indian elements in the show, but still enough to for us to enjoy.

Ron: But we need to talk about the fact that the show was supposed to end in season five.

Mon: You can clearly tell the demarcation between when they had a full plan and when they went off the rails. Eric Kripke, the creator of the Supernatural, he had a five year plan, and it was supposed to end with Sam making a sacrifice and taking Lucifer down with him to hell, and essentially saving the world. However, the show was renewed for another season.

Ron: Which is usually good news!

Mon: Unfortunately, that means that Sammy came back and they had to come up with a whole new plan. And you can see how varied and inconsistent the stories and seasons are from that point on.

Ron: I think season six still works. They had soulless-Sam, which was a very interesting interpretation of the character. But season seven, you can that it was laboured.

Mon: I don't think anybody thought the Leviathan were interesting or scary creatures. And it was probably the most forgettable season, aside from maybe a few episodes here and there.

Ron: True. Dick Roman as a villain would have worked in 2020. The corporate douchebag definitely is a villain right now. In season seven? Not so much.

Mon: You're right. And he didn't have that kind of charisma. They didn't pad up that mythos. It really did that season a great disservice.

Ron: And remember, this is the season where Bobby died.

Mon: Oh, really?

Ron: Yes. He died at the hands of Dick Roman. When we look back at it now, Bobby, who was basically Sam and Dean's adoptive father, going down to somebody like Dick Roman is so unfair.

Mon: Oh, wow, that is unfair. And then we move on to other seasons, which honestly, they're a blur from eight to 15. They really are a blur. We had purgatory, that was an interesting the concept. I loved it. Dean being stuck in purgatory, fantastic concept, and him befriending a vampire, Benny? Dean, of all people, who hates anything which is not human, almost sacrificed himself to bring a vampire back to Earth. That was quite an arc for him.

Ron: It was a great way of changing the character. And it cemented Dean and Cas' relationship while they were in purgatory. Despite the fact that they were separated for a very long time, Cas comes back to him when Dean prays to him. It is a very beautiful moment. And now that we know how Cas felt. A lot of people have been pointing to that moment saying, this was one of the one of the earliest indications about how Cas really felt about him.

Mon: Actually, that does make sense. Because Cas bends every possible rule in the angel-rulebook to save Dean and Sam and the rest of the Winchester family.

Ron: Yes. Cas was obviously a rule follower for a very long time until he met Dean. And then his entire concept of what was good and bad completely changed and it's quite touching.

Ron: Of course, the show wasn't without its problematic moments.

Mon: In the early seasons of Supernatural, I have to argue that Dean may have come across as a creepy dude. Just because he has that sweet face and general charisma, and of course, he has a good heart. He would lie to a lot of the people he would meet to get his way.

Ron: I actually don't remember that. I'm kind of relieved that I don't.

Mon: He used to go around telling ladies that he was a producer or something. That is textbook, 101, creepy guy behavior.

Ron: The problematic elements that I was thinking about was the fact that they do not have enough people of color on the show.

Mon: Okay, we are talking about systemic problems.

Ron: And also, the ladies on the show almost always ended up dead.

Mon: They're all dead. We don't have any in the finale.

Ron: If you go back to the very first episode, not only did we lose Mary Winchester in the past, we also lose Jessica, Sam's girlfriend. Later, we lose Jo, and her mom, Ellen

Mon: They are fellow hunters and were series regulars for a while, but they died in a blaze of glory.

Ron: Later on, Charlie joined the show, played by Felicia Day. She was pretty much a little sister for them

Mon: Charlie was the first queer character of note on the show and she was a regular for several seasons

Ron: She was a great character. She brought out such a wonderful side to them. Made the brothers very protective. They were very friendly. They enjoyed having her around. She's so smart. so helpful and Then she died.

Mon: She got killed by the least-memorable characters on the show ever! It was an ignominious death because she was killed by Frankenstein's descendants. Let's not even go there.

Ron: Very unfortunate.

Mon: Apart from Charlie, there were very few queer characters on the show, in latter seasons. We did see a few more but they were never there for more than an episode.

Ron: Dean did pair up with a couple of hunters, who we learned during the duration of the episode, that they were a married couple. They were also two men of color. So, it was a bit surprising considering the show had been not very friendly with queer characters before.

Mon: They were downright homophobic time to time.

Ron: I have to agree with that. If you remember the Supernatural convention episode, where a pair of Sam and Dean cosplayers turn out to be a couple. Dean did not look happy.

Mon: Yeah, Dean was very homophobic in the earlier seasons. But I think he got over it.

Ron: I hope that that was a criticism from the fans that the show actually understood and they worked towards overcoming. But I feel like now, when we rewatch older seasons, there will be elements that will be a bit more jarring than when we first saw them.

Mon: I worry about watching a lot of stuff from a few years ago, simply because there are so many elements which may have been considered the norm, but right now would be horrible to watch.

Ron: The show tended to focus mostly on white, male characters.

Ron: If you look at the posters for last maybe seven or eight seasons, there were only white men.

Mon: There was Sam, Dean, Cas, and Crowley and then it changed to Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack.

Ron: There was room to change that. But the show never seemed to take it.

Mon: I don't know if it was because they were just blinkered or they just didn't care. But they didn't try hard enough. We started seeing more characters of color among the extras, among the episode regulars but even then, we could probably count them on one hand.

Ron: Unfortunately, that's been a problem with not just Supernatural. A lot of the CW shows, and a lot of shows in general.

Mon: Especially genre shows.

Ron: They do skew very white and male.

Mon: All that being said, I think a lot of Supernatural fans love the dynamics and the character arcs. Which is why it's lasted 15 seasons. It has attracted fans from all over the world, across races and orientations, which is a testament to how hard they've tried to make it an entertaining show.

Ron: It's definitely entertaining. Mainly because Sam and Dean find new ways to get out of situations.

Mon: There's action, there's drama.

Ron: There's a lot of heart. And I think that's why people like the show so much. That's why we like the show.

Ron: A great story can attract people, but great characters keep them watching.

Ron: What are some of your favorite episodes?

Mon: I started with ‘Mystery Spot’. That was the first full fledged Supernatural episode that I watched. It was probably not the best introduction because it was hilarious. But it was a great introduction to the two characters, and the differences between Sam and Dean. Dean's antics and his many, many deaths in that episode were just too good. Sam's reaction to having to relive that particular day. Brilliant. Also, the final arc of the episode is Sam desperately trying to figure out a way to save Dean, which gave me an inkling into how interconnected and dependent there relationship was. And also that it was the first of many, many resurrections after.

Ron: ‘Mystery Spot’ is also one of my favorite episodes, it is absolutely hilarious. But another episode that was also very funny was ‘Yellow Fever’.

Mon: That episode, it's just too good.

Ron: Jensen Ackles kills that episode. He is so good.

Mon: That guy has so much range. He can be so emotional, so dramatic. And yet, so funny.

Ron: He has excellent comedic timing. My favorite moment is always going to be him finding that cat, and losing his mind screaming.

Mon: I cannot not laugh at that. Even now, just thinking about it is making me laugh. And he makes it work. He really makes those silly moments, that slapstick humor work.

Ron: What are the other ones that you like?

Mon: Something that I have always found interesting, especially in the latter half of the series, they've tried to shake things up a bit, do things which are unconventional.

Ron: One of the bolder and probably more successful choices they made was the ‘French Mistake’.

Mon: It’s the first time they went meta.

Ron: Apparently, they were quite concerned about how people would react to it. I have read some pieces about how ‘French Mistake’ doesn't work. But as fans of the show, ‘French Mistake’ definitely works!

Mon: Yes, I recall reading about Jared Padalecki talking about how when he and Jensen Ackles were called into the writers’ room, they were quite worried. And then they found out that this episode was going to be transporting Sam and Dean into the real world, where they will become Jensen and Jared. And it was basically a caricature of all these actors, they loved it, how the episode turned out, it was hilarious. It was funny. It was a joke-a minute. And it worked.

Ron: Everybody plays these really odd versions of themselves. Misha, is so good as this mousy outsider who doesn't quite fit in. It's brilliant. I definitely love that episode.

Mon: We have seen it so many times.

Ron: It's actually embarrassing, the amount of times we’ve seen it but I don't care because it makes me happy.

Mon: Two of the more unconventional episodes, which really shouldn't have worked, but are brilliant, and I would say the top two episodes in the entire series, and they are ‘Baby’ and ‘ScoobyNatural’.

Ron: ‘Baby’ is an episode where the entire story is told through the car's eyes. It's amazing.

Mon: The camerawork, the story itself. It's everything and they don't miss a beat. There's action in there, there's drama, there's bonding between the brothers. It's so beautifully played out because baby has been a character in the show for a very, very long time.

Ron: The season five finale did something similar. It made the story about how baby had seen Sam and Dean grow up. But this episode took it one step further by showing it from her point of view. And it was just so engaging. It is beautiful.

Mon: It was really beautiful, especially because sometimes a gimmick is just a gimmick. But this is not. This was a story seen from the point of view of an unconventional character but a very important character in the show.

Ron: And anybody who's watched the show from the very beginning will love this episode, because we love the car.

Mon: Yeah, that's for sure. And what about ‘ScoobyNatural’? When I heard about it. I was so scared.

Ron: I didn't want to watch this episode. We grew up watching Scooby Doo. We enjoyed the show, but it was very much a child’s show. We didn't think that we would actually engage with it as adults. And then ScoobyNatural came along, and we completely changed our mind.

Mon: I don't know how they made it work. It is so good. It has the ethos of Supernatural, but it maintains the tone and style of the original Scooby Doo cartoons. I think it's a testament to the fact that it's just entertainment. That's all that it is. And it still got those character moments, not just for Supernatural fans but for Scooby Doo fans. It was so good.

I love the fact that they were still able to include those silly little Scooby moments, like them running through the doors in the corridor, them getting scared by a ghost which is actually a human being. And the main story itself is in line with how Scooby Doo episodes used to be structured, but it still has the ethos of Supernatural.

Ron: The way they marry these two completely different shows, which are intended for different audiences, is just so incredible. And it's one of our favorites.

Mon: I can't imagine anyone who’s a fan of both the shows to go into that particular episode and not come out loving it. I was definitely worried about this very odd marriage of concepts. But while it was that, it was so entertaining.

Ron: I think our top five favorites from Supernatural are always going to be the most entertaining episodes and ‘ScoobyNatural’ has to be on that list because of that reason.

Mon: Well, let's talk about how confusing that finale was.

Mon: Well, a lot of people were confused by the ending of season 15, episode 19, because they had a little montage saying goodbye to all the characters who had appeared on the show. And Sam and Dean were basically riding off into the sunset.

Ron: It felt very much like a finale.

Mon: The boss fight had happened. Chuck was gone. Jack was God. What else did you need? But there was still one more episode. We were all confused. A lot of people on the internet were confused. You and I definitely were.

Ron: We actually had to Google it.

Mon: We were certain that we had got it wrong. Anyway, the next week, there was the actual finale, which started off as any other Supernatural episode. It began with the boys in the bunker, going through their daily routine, eating food, being silly, Dean finding a pie fest to enjoy some pie. And then they ran off to hunt some vampires. Everything was going just like the old days. And then Dean got impaled!

Ron: And you and I held hands and cried silently, because we could not believe it was happening.

Mon: So, this is how they set up the shot. You saw that giant nail sticking out of the pylon. And I was convinced, like most people, that yes, Dean is going to use that to impale the vampire so that Sam can cut off his head. And then when somebody did get impaled, I was like, yes, they caught the vampire. No, I was wrong. It was Dean who was impaled. And there was no getting out of it. It was such a shocking moment.

Ron: And we realized what had happened before Sam.

Ron: Because Sam didn't see that nail. So, he cuts off the last vampire's head, and he's just asking Dean to come along. And Dean can't, he's literally stuck.

Mon: Okay. I found that scene overlong, but it was literally made so that it would eke out our emotions along with the characters’ emotions.

Ron: I agree, because Dean's death speech would make a Bollywood film proud.

Mon: It lasted 15 minutes.

Ron: I think it was a very, very long scene. I was literally thinking to myself, how are you not dead yet?

Mon: He hasn't bled out. He hasn't gone ashen. That being said… the tears! It is a tearjerker.

Ron: There's a lot of emotion, on screen and off screen.

Mon: The restraint that the two actors showed as they delivered their lines was brilliant. But then when they finally… we're coming to the close of the scene, and the two of them, they touch heads, they hug each other, and then they really just let it go, let go of their emotions. Fantastic. It was a roller coaster ride.

Ron: Can I just say that Jared Padalecki has been astounding this season. From the very first episode of season 15, it feels like he's not actually acting, he's just there.

Mon: He's so natural. That scene where he’s half-sad, half-angry at Dean? That scene in the car when he's so furious at Dean for lying to him about Jack. Amazing. He should be given an Emmy just for that scene.

Ron: Because that kind of scene can be easily overacted. We have seen that kind of scene being overacted even on Supernatural. But everything is much more restrained. Much more organic this season. And especially the second half, which obviously had to be shot during the pandemic. You could see that they didn't have the kind of time or the luxury of reshooting sections. So they did their best when they had the opportunity.

Mon: I wonder if the break because of the pandemic also helped them reconnect with the characters and reconnect with their own talents, which is why the latter half just felt more natural?

Ron: I have to agree with that. In fact, I read that Jensen and Jared didn't actually get holidays for most of their run on Supernatural. So, the enforced break from the pandemic would have given them an opportunity to just reconnect with themselves.

Mon: I'm not surprised, actually. The schedules they have are insane on The CW.

Ron: So how did you feel seeing Dean die for good? Since Dean is your favorite?

Mon: Shocked! I couldn't believe it. No, seriously. You remember when the ads came on? And I was like, ‘no way did they kill Dean. No way!’ And I went on and on, because I was sure that this can't be happening.

Mon: My one argument would be that at one point, Sam says, ‘okay, we'll figure it out. We'll find a way to resurrect you’. And Dean says, ‘no, no more resurrections’. I feel like they needed a stronger line over there. Perhaps one that says there are no more resurrections anymore. Something to say that the world has reset. Because when you leave an opening, it seems really sad. And we'll get into why it seems even sadder that that if Sam had the option to go and resurrect him, why wouldn't he? So, I would argue that that's the only point where I really needed a stronger hand in the script.

Mon: But it still didn’t diminish the impact of what happened to Dean. He goes out exactly the way he thought he always would. In a fight, dead at a young age.

Ron: That is actually even sadder when you say it.

Mon: That's precisely what he says to Sammy, that this is how I was always meant to go.

Ron: Dean's trajectory was always going to be a young death. But it doesn't mean that that it doesn't hurt.

Mon: For sure, for sure. And I think because we were all expecting a happy ending and we will talk about the happy ending soon. We were all expecting a happy ending for these two brothers who have fought so hard for each other and for the world, that it comes as a real shock that the creators went for it. The world is cruel.

Ron: This is true. The world also goes on, no matter who you lose. I feel like this episode hits different because of the pandemic.

Ron: People have lost a lot of people. I don't think there's anybody who doesn't know somebody they've lost. We people who are gone now because of COVID. And everybody else is left behind. I think the finale was trying to tell us that people die. And the people who are left behind are grieving in their own way. But they don't have a choice.

Mon: And they go on with life, which is what we see Sam do. From the montage that we see, it seems obvious that Sam has lived a very full life. We can't know for sure whether it is a very happy life. We can just hope.

Ron: From what we see, Sam does have a happy life. It just has a Dean-shaped hole in it.

Mon: Well said. Who do you suppose Sam's wife is?

Ron: I don't know. I really, I really wanted to see who it was. You see a shape in the back when he's playing with baby Dean. But I couldn't tell who it was.

Mon: I feel like because they cast an extra with long dark hair, she has to be Eileen. I'll tell you why. When Sam gets a call on Dean's phone for another case, the person specifically says Donna mentioned that you can help. Which means that Donna is back alive, which means Eileen is alive. And we know that Eileen and Sam were together before she disappeared, thanks to Chuck. So, I think Sam and Eileen had a happy life together, had baby who becomes grown up Dean. But as you said, there's always going to be that Dean-shaped hole.

Ron:  And we know that Sam still misses Dean, because, well, he calls his son Dean. But he keeps the Impala. He does not drive the Impala. He leaves the bunker. And we see a much older Sam rip of the cover from the Impala. And when he sits inside, he is so full of sorrow and anger. And it's a great scene. It's so moving and all I could think was so many years have gone by and he still misses Dean. That is never going to change.

And I also like the fact that obviously, young Dean has been told stories about his lovely uncle. Because when Sam is on his deathbed, he is still holding on like Dean did. And young Dean then tells Sam the same thing that Sam told Dean so that he could go.

Mon: I think the episode was actually really good.

Ron: It's been very frustrating seeing what's been written on the internet about it.

Ron: I know people have different points of view about the show. The fandom is varied. The fandom has different reactions to it. There are a lot of people who stopped watching the show, understandably, after season five. It was a bit of a slog at times, but we hung on and this season finale, it rewards people who stayed throughout. Because there are a lot of moments in the last two episodes that call back to moments after season five.

Mon: One of the things that really worked for me with the finale, especially with Sam and Dean, their history really comes to the fore. The finale was a celebration of the central love story of this show, which is Sam and Dean and them being brothers for life, irrespective of how their lives actually turned out. The fact that Sam spent probably half his life without his brother, it is still a celebration of how much they loved each other, how much people in reality continue to love the people that they've lost.

We also have to remember that this finale was shot in the middle of a pandemic. There are going to be constraints, and you can see it. There is no way that the original finale, whatever storyline that they planned to go with, would have had such a limited cast of original characters.

Ron: Very true. There were also a few makeup moments that were very strange.

Mon: Let's be honest, Sam's old wigs were terrible.

Ron: And there was absolutely no makeup on his face.

Mon: It's like he grew old, but he didn't. Where can we get that superpower? That being said, Jared Padalecki, the way he held himself as an old man? Brilliant. He was trying so hard to make the lack of makeup work and the lack of a good wig really work for him, to show how many years had passed.

Ron: That scene in the Impala is the one with the bad wig and the no-makeup, but it still hurts when you see him so upset and still missing his brother.

Mon: What I feel is sometimes some people get so stuck in the technicalities of moments and scenes that they lose the bigger picture. We all want everything to be perfect. But if you're going to lose the essential message, the essential feeling, then maybe you’re missing the whole point of why this finale exists?

Ron: There were way too many people weighing in on the finale, making memes about the Impala going to heaven and not Cas. And I can't help but think, did you watch the finale?

Mon: I did not know people were doing that. They literally talk about Cas being Jack's right-hand man. He helped shape the new version of heaven. How are people not seeing that? And I understand some people's grievances. Let's briefly mention the Destiel moment from Episode 18 of this season. Cas and Dean are running away from Death. And the only way for them to survive is for Cas to sacrifice himself to the Empty.

Cas knows that the only way to successfully call the Empty, he has to be at his happiest moment. And he is the most happy when he confesses his true feelings for Dean. He says he loves him. So finally, after several seasons of the two of them making goo-goo eyes at each other, we know that Cas actually does romantically love Dean. And then he dies. And Dean doesn't react. Dean’s only reaction is that he starts crying, and he's alone, and he's despondent.

Ron: In my reading of the scene, Dean did react. He didn't tell Cas that he loved him. But his reaction when he lost Cas was unlike anything that we had seen Dean do before.

Mon: I couldn't agree more. If people want him to say, ‘I love you’, then, Dean has to accept that he's going to lose Cas forever, and he wasn't in the mood to do that at that time. But he does lose Cas. So, when we go back to the finale, and Bobby tells Dean that Cas has helped create a version of heaven which is actually heaven. Then, Dean makes this characteristic Dean-smirk because he's kind of saying to himself, yes, okay, Cas is alive, Cas is around, so yeah I get to meet him again. That's how it is. We don't get to see Cas in heaven, but no, Cas is there in heaven. I don't know what people are reading into the scene for them to think that Cas didn't make it there.

Ron: It was very, very frustrating.

Mon: I understand the frustration that they would have wanted to see more of the guys in heaven. Dean and Sam meeting these people who are their family, including Cas, Jack, their mom, their dad, I get it. But it was shot in the pandemic. We got a full-fledged season, a beautiful finale, which dragged a little bit, fine, but we got a finale, which does justice to the characters. And it hinted at what more we could expect for their lives in the future.

Ron: One of the things that I've been reading is that Andrew Dabb, who has been the showrunner since Eric Kripke left, he has been working very hard towards resolving some of the storylines from earlier seasons.

Mon: That makes sense. Because we do see a lot of characters returning in latter seasons. I guess that makes sense then.

Ron: Yes, that's what he's been doing. His idea for the finale seems to have been, we started Supernatural with the two brothers, we end it with the two brothers.

Mon: That moment when Dean has had a great ride in baby and she's on the bridge, he's just enjoying this beautiful scenery, and he just knows when his brother's behind him, and the look on Sam's face, and the body language that finally he’s got to be with Dean?

Ron: It's been what we’ve been waiting for, not just in the finale but the entire show, for the two of them to get their ending. The thing is that the two of them have been to heaven before. And it is very different. Heaven under Chuck was you reliving your favorite moment, which as we saw in 12 Monkeys recently, that’s not really anybody's idea of heaven. Tasting sushi for the first time is amazing, but tasting sushi for the first time for the hundredth time? That's not so great.

Mon: Everything loses its charm. With Jack's version of heaven, they're making new experiences for eternity. That's the best kind of happy ending that we could have thought of for the Winchester brothers. That is absolutely why this finale was good. Could the finale have been better? Of course, everything could be better! The whole show could be better! But this is what we got. And in a way, it's so sadly realistic. It's tragic. But they always intended it to be a happy ending.

Ron: Absolutely. And it has to be said, this is what happens to real people. Sam and Dean were able to continue living, despite going to hell, going to heaven, despite going to purgatory. The amount of times that they died and came back.

Mon: It was a joke by the end. It was rightfully a joke because there was no ending for them.

Ron: But we know why, it's because they were Chuck's favorite characters. But that also meant that they were Chuck's favorite marionettes. Freedom meant freedom to die, as well. And as difficult as that was for Sam to process, I think it is also a realistic approach that we probably needed in 2020. That was the best way to do it in 2020. Had it been the two of them growing old together, I think that's what the fans would have wanted, that would have been great to see.

Mon: We don't have to like it but I would just say it is a choice made by the creators. Ron: I think it was the right choice.

Mon: Let us know what you thought about the Supernatural finale and how you would have written, Sam and Dean's ending differently.

Ron: You can find us on Twitter @Stereo_Geeks. Or send us an email stereogeekspodcast@gmail.com

Ron: We hope you enjoyed this episode. And see you next week!

Mon: The Stereo Geeks logo was created using Canva. The music for our podcast comes courtesy Audionautix.

[Continuum by Audionautix plays]

Transcription by Otter.ai and Ron.