#two musical theater references in one recap

[starberry-cupcake]

Here we are again!! Let's get to it!!

previously, in noni del 9:

this happened

this is the tag for all tlt recaps

I'm loving that many of you are adopting the "está en un cumple" phrase, living for that

CHAPTER 4 (seventh house skull 👀)

it's another day in this planet and everyone's up for their routines

they all travel together, then pyrrha goes on her way to work

camolive go on their way to do what they do

undetermined what it is they do, to nona's pov

camilla can do whatever she wants, though

you go queen

and nona goes to school for her unpaid job of assistant

when she gets there, kevin is playing with plushies

we love kevin

and hot sauce is staring out the window in suspicion like this

how many cartoons with eccentric kids in school can I use to illustrate? we'll see, I have a lot to pick from

anyway, apparently there's people watching from another building

0 discreet, if kids are spotting them

this, coupled with the seventh skull, gives me ideas

so nona asks if they're watching her, to which hot sauce goes "why would they?"

nona says she doesn't know

not sure if she says this because she's in a cumple, as previously established, or because she doesn't want to give too much away to hot sauce

who seems to have all the brain cells of the school

hot sauce is on the case, though, and says she'll investigate

but has to delegate that to nona during science class, because nona has dog privileges and can go outside to the blasting heat to see if something happens

today was the first pool day of the summer for me, so I feel that and thank her for her service, because heat is terrible

also, the science teacher, aka the angel, comes in looking as worse for wear as daniel craig in the majority of the movie queer

here everyone has weird names

except for kevin

we love kevin

you know, that might be why I'm having trouble with this one, I feel like I'm not in my element enough in these recaps

because everyone has weird names already and I can't do my bit

I'm failing you, I'm sorry

my power is wasting away

so, anyway, the teacher is not looking good and nona thinks maybe it's a hangover but hot sauce says the teacher doesn't drink

nobody questions her knowledge

ever

are they torturing the teacher for information on nona????

have they been spotted????

also, everyone says nona isn't pretty and nona insists on her being pretty, which makes me feel like this is gideon in harrow's body, but who knows

it'd definitely be fun if she is and has to own up on all the times she's said she's beautiful and kissed her in the mirror and whatnot

camilla wrote like 6 pages about that, which harrow should read, if that's the case

the only thing nona sees on her stakeout is a person who she thinks might be a dead body, because they're very still

but decides they aren't, because their nice clothes weren't stolen from them

I'd think the exact same thing, that's sound judgment imo

and the person isn't there when they leave, so that's disquieting

a worse thing than a sus person is not knowing where the sus person went

CHAPTER 5 (nine house skull!!! everyone stay calm!!!!)

nona and camolive go back to their apartment

I'm picturing something between the infinity fortress from getbackers or the heaven's arena from hunterxhunter

(camilla would kick absolute ass in both of these)

anyway, nona is instructed to try doing bone stuff

she asks what camolive were doing and when they said talking with friends, nona asks about "crown", who she says she loves

I assume "crown" is coronabeer because corona is crown in spanish and nona knows multiple languages

she describes her as: smelling like cinnamon, having nice hair, having nice breasts and being big and pretty

that could very well be coronabeer, so I'm sticking to my hypothesis here

palmolive says that they're not friends with coronabeer right now, which ok?????

I think coronabeer was going full BOE last time we saw her? but judith was not, so idk what's happening over there

ALSO

this is the first time I remember hearing coronabeer described as "big"

I think I, of all people, would remember that

I'm immediately giving her extra points for that

I'm not looking into fanart yet for spoiler reasons but I'm gonna take this one adjective and run with it because I'm starved for representation, ok? ok

palmolive writes down about the "breasts" comment, which I'd also write down, because that's such a gideon thing to say and focus on

I don't think harrowbean has been preoccupied with boobs quite as much as gideon has

also, nona doesn't remember why she knows what cinnamon smells like

in my top 3 smells (I have such a list), cinnamon is my nr 1, so coronabeer is winning a lot of points with me on this day

who would have thought????

making a new version of this meme I dropped on this recap with her new name

they also talk about "the captain" and palmolive says he doesn't like her too much

so that's judith

I stopped being super hard on judith when I found out she was as much of a gay disaster as most people in these books

in other news, palmolive can do some necro stuff still and it doesn't hurt camilla when he does it

which is what's really important here and what really matters

they have the timer so that palmolive doesn't hurt camilla by overstaying his welcome in the temple of perfection that is her body

apparently, the blue light in the sky doesn't hurt camolive either

nona says she loves camilla and how she moves

also gideon behavior

the first time gideon saw camilla fight, she thought she was friend-shaped

I mentioned it on this recap

palmolive agrees about camilla's moves and says he misses seeing her

now you know how I felt during half of harrow, palmolive, it was painful

you were in a man cave in the river at the time, but still

ANYWAY, IT'S LOVING CAMILLA TIME

EVERYONE, GET IN LINE

pyrrha is immune to the light in the sky because she's a lyctor

(they don't use that word)

but she has "the wrong soul"

because og!gideon and her switched and he died

(they don't say that explicitly but I'm filling in the gaps)

nona asks if she has the wrong kind of soul or the wrong kind of body

which we don't know, neither palmolive nor me

she also asks if that's why BOE doesn't want her and palmolive says that they do

and nona adds that she likes commander we suffer

who was named in the dramatis personae aka guest list at the start

and she's part of something palmolive calls "ctesiphon wing"

palmolive has mixed feelings about all of these people which, I guess, in this social context, being a necro narc undercover would do that

not that palmolive would be fighting for emperor asshat anymore, but I assume there's tension between the sides still, being the oppressors and all

which might make things somewhat easier for coronabeer, since she wasn't really a necro to begin with?

judith is probably fucked, though

rip judith

nona says that palmolive doing necro stuff makes her sad, which is kind of what I'm saying

I'm guessing regular folks here would hunt necros for sport if they could, as evidenced by the kids

palmolive tells nona to give camilla a kiss in the second right-hand knuckle

and, apparently, this falls into the "nona can read, understand and replicate body language to perfection in an instant" category

because she apparently did this the first time and camilla had a bit of a breakdown about it

they give me qpr vibes, camolive

I'd marry them as a package if they'd have me anyway, I'm not backing out because palmolive is suddenly an addition

I passed the sixth house audition, maybe I can pass this one, who knows

I can write a detailed CV with color coded references to what I can provide to this association

ANYWAY

under the "nona can read people's bodies and replicate things" umbrella, gestures fall right in

she's in a cumple and she can read people's bodies and gestures and replicate them as well as tell if someone's full of crap and lying their asses out

and she likes coronabeer's boobs

all important details to think about

and that's it for now!!!! see you on the next one!!

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

Bonus Features: (Dorky) Villain’s music tastes

It all began in a dark stormy night (spring rain and all that) when I saw a reader commentating that Villain seems like the type to listen to MRC. While that’s a good guess, I thought that they were a little too snob for that, maybe more into prog metal. So I did extensive research on the subject.

Meaning, I asked one person.

Let me reenact the scene:

Me, internally scheming: Hm, I’m too lazy to make an Internet search, let’s go ask someone with a Specific Interest™ instead, it’s gonna be faster and easier! I’m sure that there's no flaw whatsoever in this plan.

Me, to said expert: “Hey, give me the names of two or three prog metal groups :)”

*A 70-minute monologue later *

Me, emerging covered in blood: I know the name of a dozen groups. I know how often they release an album. I know what the prog metal fan wants what they like the taste of their souls the musical patterns they crave. I know things man was not meant to know.

So, anyway.

To recap, Villain listens to whatever equivalent there is in their universe of Dream Theater, Tool and Opeth. As Tool seems to have a lot of mathematics references, it might be Villain’s favorite. Let’s also mention the prog rock group King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard that I’ve never listened to but I love the name, so it’s also a favorite.

Hero listens to things like Imagine Dragons and Avicii. They both hate each other’s music most of the time, but they both like Pink Floyd-Expy and They might be giants-Similar Substitute.

[365days365movies]

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004) (Part 1)

I love musicals.

Hands down, when talking cinematic adaptations of musicals, my favorite is Little Shop of Horrors. I’ve seen it MANY times, and will see it many, MANY more. And I’m not the only one. I mean, obviously, but in this case, I’m referring to my girlfriend. She’s chosen to represent herself with a GIF from her favorite musical, Hairspray. So, here she is:

Ravishing. Now, because it’s currently our anniversary, I let her pick today’s movie from my list. And so, she chose a musical that neither she nor I have seen: 2004′s The Phantom of the Opera. And some of you may now be saying, “What, this guy said he liked movie musicals, and he hasn’t seen TPotS? That’s like saying you haven’t seen Grease, or Singin’’ in the Rain, or, PFFT, West Side Story!”

...About that...

Yeah, yeah, I know! It’s insane, and I’m a hypocrite. I’ll be getting to the rest of those eventually, and one of them’ll be coming in the next couple of days, I promise. You can probably guess which one. Anyway, fact of the matter is that we’re gonna watch it tonight, and I’m looking forward to it. 

However, there’s another factor to this, and that’s the fact that this film...doesn’t have the best reputation amongst fans of the original musical. And, yeah, this should ideally be the Michael Crawford version, but the Butler version is the one I have access to, so we’re going for it. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

Paris, 1919, back when the whole city was in black-and-white for a year. They lost the budget for color after World War I. Anyway, at an old opera house, an auction is taking place, and items found within the theater are for sale. One of these is a music box with a monkey on it, an item which sponsors a bidding war between an older woman, and an older man in a wheelchair. I’m sure we’ll find out who they are eventually.

Anyway, a broken chandelier is also up for option, and was involved in the mysterious disaster of the “Phantom of the Opera” fiasco. They turn it on with electric light, and as they raise it to the ceiling, the organist goes fuckin’ NUTS. The song’s so loud that it REVERSES TIME, and we’re now in color, in the year 1870 at the same opera house.

The theatre, managed by the soon-to-retire Monsieur Lefèvre (James Fleet), has just been purchased by Richard Firmin (Ciaran Hinds) and Gilles André (Simon Callow), who are there to observe. On stage, a rehearsal for the opera Hannibal is taking place, and the costume’s are already...like, a LOT, not gonna lie. The headliner for the show is soprano (and drama queen supreme) Carlotta Giudicelli (Minnie Driver), and is being funded by patron Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny (Patrick Wilson). 

The background dancers are instructed by Madame Giry (Miranda Richardson), and include her daughter, Meg (Jennifer Ellison), and her adopted daughter, Christine Daaé (Emmy Rossum). As the rehearsal takes place, an accident happens on stage, almost injuring Carlotta. Enraged, she leaves, and refuses to perform.

Meanwhile, Madame Giry finds a letter from the Phantom, who demands his normal monthly salary of 20,000 francs, as for Box 5 to be left open. While the new owners think that this is ridiculous, they also note that it’s pointless without a lead singer for their show. 

However, Christine is volunteered, and shows that she is indeed a talented singer. The show goes on, and Christine is a smash, much to Carlotta’s dismay. At this point, Raoul also discovers that this is his long lost childhood friend (and possibly long lost love) Christine, which she also noticed earlier.

But this is because of a mysterious teacher, who sings to her from the walls of the theatre. Meg comes in to congratulate her (through song), and asks who her tutor is. Meg responds...in song (”Angel of Music”).

Afterwards, Madame Giry also congratulates her, and tells her that the Phantom is pleased with her. Right after, Raoul also pays her a visit, and the two reconnect on shared memories of times in an attic in the summer. She tells Raoul that she is visited by an Angel of Music, and cannot go to the dinner that night with him. And the Phantom agrees, as he locks Christine in her room. YIKES. 

And as literally every person in the theatre except Christine leaves, the Phantom serenades her, angered by Raoul’s presence, and Christine’s potential dalliance with him (”Mirror”). And through the mirror, he takes her to a mysterious crypt beneath the theatre. And as they sing their strange duet in the form of the title song (”The Phantom of the Opera”)...I try to resist talking about Gerard Butler until later. And it’s hard. It’s SO hard, guys.

But, OK, he takes her away on a...sewer horse...how the FUCK did he get that horse down there? And wait, WAIT, does he put her on that horse to walk her, like, 20 feet to the gondola? Like...WHY DO YOU HAVE THE HORSE? That is...monumentally wasteful. Where do you keep the horse? Does he feed the horse? How much? How often? With what? Does the horse eat the sewer rats? Is there naturally growing sewer hay? Does the Phantom’s salary go towards buying food for the horse, or buying new horses when the original ones DIE OF STARVATION - WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS HORSE?!?!? WHOMSTVE THE FUCK

And yes, I love this fuckin’ song (not the singers, but we’ll get there), but this is distracting me alongside the statues of naked men in the sewer, because...well, Joel Schumacher. What can I say, it’s kind of his aesthetic. Anyway, we get officially introduced to the Phantom of the Opera (Gerard Butler), a very handsome-looking man who likes wearing a half-mask.

I say handsome, because the Phantom in this movie, looks...fine. HE LOOKS OK. HE LOOKS LIKE A DUDE WEARING A MASK. What, did somebody throw a hot candle at his face once, and he freaked out over it and ran into the sewers forever...WITH A HORSE? NOT OVER THE HORSE SHIT.

Look, the Phantom is supposed to be HIDEOUSLY scarred. Famously, in one of the film adaptations of Phantom, actor Lon Chaney Jr. purposely distorted his own face using adhesive face in order to play the role of the hideously disfigured character. Now, other versions have just given him severe, and I mean SEVERE burn scars. But behind the mask, Butler looks...fine. HE LOOKS FINE GODDAMMIT. He looks like he’s wearing the mask because it looks edgy and shit.

But OK, what’s happening in the movie? Oh, right, more serenading (”Music of the Night”), with another song that I like quite a bit. This and the previous song were songs Id heard before, and that I’d already had on my playlist. They’re great, what can I say? Now is Butler doing it justice? Ehhhhhhh, we’ll talk about that in the Review.

During this song he kinda seduces her, or attempts to, and also shows her a wedding dress. She sees herself in it and IMMEDIATELY faints, Jesus!  Curtain falls on Christine while she’s in a bed, and we go back to her room, where Meg is looking for her. She finds the mirror, and is about to go back there, but her mother finds and stops her.

Meanwhile, stagehand Joseph Buquet (Kevin McNally) tells the chorus girls of the legend of the Phantom, and describes a physical description that doesn’t match him...even a little. We cut back to Christine, who wakes up in what my girlfriend refers to as a “bomb-ass HQ.” Which is fair, let’s be honest. Anyway, she heads over and tries to unmask her new masked lover (?).

He’s not the biggest fan of this, and he emos all over the screen (”Stranger Than You Dreamt It”). And then, as he puts his mask on, we suddenly (and I mean suddenly) jump to 1919, where the old woman, Madame Giry, bids farewell to...wait, that’s Raoul? HOW DOES HE LOOK SO MUCH OLDER THAN HER, WHAT???

Back in the past, inexplicably, the theatre owners and manager sing about the theatre and the Phantom’s demands ("Notes..."), and are soon joined by Raoul, who brings them a separate note, saying not to look for Christina any further. THEN, Carlotta joins them, delivering a letter of her own from the Phantom, warning her not to return to the theatre.

In his letters, he details how his theatre is to be run, threatening a disaster if Christine is not cast in the lead role, and if Carlotta is not cast in a silent role. However, the theatre owners and Carlotta refuse to obey, and Carlotta is cast in the role, as the owners try to appease her (”Prima Donna”).

That night, during a performance of Il Muto, Carlotta’s singing the lead role. Additionally, Box Five is full, and the Phantom is PISSED. So, like a Phantom do, it’s time for some good old fashioned petty revenge! He switches her throat spray, causing her to lose her voice on stage, and causing the audience to laugh when the show ends abruptly. They quickly and publicly recast the role, giving it to Christine instead. Well, mission accomplished by the Phantom! Guess we’re good without retribution. And then he hangs the stagehand.

Well...fuck, man. Realizing that the Phantom is EXTREMELY dangerous, Christine goes to save Raoul, who she...is in a relationship with now? Wait...wait, hold up, the fuck did I miss? I mean, yeah, he probably is gonna kill Raoul, but there is, like, NO lead-up to their connection before this point.

Anyway, as Christine explains that there is a Phantom when Raoul says he doesn’t exist...wait, WHAT? MOTHER FUCKER BUQUET JUST NOT MURDERED IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN????? YOU LITERALLY HEARD THE...you know what? Break. BREAK. This is...this one’s tough.

See you in Part 2!

[into-control]

🌹 camren recap of 2019: part 2 (april - june)

(1) (2) (3) (4) 

april 4th:

only lesbians listen to king princess:

musical gfs:

april 5th:

tyren breakup rumours (finally):

april 7th:

camila danced to worth it!

april 10th:

alejandro sanz liked a camren post:

you got a little something in your up next queue, chris:

april 11th:

dinah reposted an OT5 performance on her story:

april 13th:

MTV said prince lauren rights:

april 15th:

lauren and ty tweeted these things and lauren unfollowed ty on instagram:

dinah maybe made a reference to trials and tribulations

she also made a reference to cinderella where it was irrelevant, not long after it was announced that camila would be playing said character:

april 17th:

lauren and ty officially split up two days off from exactly 2 years since the rumours started in 2017:

april 18th:

camila posted a picture that happened to be used for an audio of more than that posted only two days earlier on her story:

camila also tweeted about the 1975 two days after the five year anniversary of her attending their concert with lauren in LA:

april 19th:

camila liked an instagram post about her then-recent IG stories where both her and lauren were tagged:

april 21st:

lauren went to coachella and posted a video of H.E.R. on her story. 

the next day, camila followed her on IG:

april 29th:

peculiar song choice, lauren:

may 1st:

on this day, camila was in the studio with frank dukes.

as of then, frank’s most recent post on instagram was this:

two hours after the initial story with camila in it, lauren posted this on her story:

may 2nd:

 clara and dinah liked carlene’s OT5 post: 

may 6th:

havana played before ally’s set in brazil:

may 9th:

lauren paid the havana palace theater a visit:

may 10th:

orange gfs:

additionally, camila has a bag most commonly recognized as an item from bali, a place lauren and dinah had just recently returned from.

may 21st:

lauren and camila went to the gym on the same day and made it known:

may 22nd:

camila followed rosalia at the same time lauren liked one of her posts:

may 23rd:

lauren liked a post with a camren caption:

may 26th:

dinah with the camren refernces:

may 27th (and so it begins):

camila and shawn were oh so candidly captured having lunch together:

the next day, lauren followed camila mendes, a combination of camila’s first middle name and shawn’s last name.

may 30th:

mark ronson released find u again featuring camila, and it included lyrics from an old unreleased song (U shaped space) and something else eye catching:

la cienega is a boulevard in los angeles that is likely very important to camila because she spent a lot of time around there when she was in fifth harmony. la cienaga blvd is very close to CBS television city, where 5H’s season of the x factor was filmed:

la cienaga is also nearby la parc suite, a hotel the girls often stayed at before and after camila’s departure:

may 31st:

normani referenced the party her and the girls had in the me & my girls music video as how she celebrates her birthday:

june 2nd:

lauren and camila posted corresponding bed videos on their stories:

june 2nd:

one of camila’s co-writers called her a gay icon under her pride month post:

june 3rd:

camila posted a piece of art by frank moth. from the caption of his post:

“we used to live there”

remember?

that world is still waiting for us.

this could be referencing the world lauren and camila used to live in when camila was still in fifth harmony, how they were still allowed to interact.

june 4th:

camila liked a picture of her with #laurenjaregui in the caption:

june 12th:

on june 4th, camila was announced to be performing at iheartradio’s music festival in las vegas, however she didn’t announce it herself right away. when she finally did, it was the day lauren arrived in las vegas.

june 14th:

lauren liked a post about pisces:

june 15th:

right after camila’s performance with alejandro, lauren posted a plain screenshot of her lock screen, which looked a little similar to camila’s dress:

june 17th:

lauren and camila missed performing. the picture lauren posted was from the 7/27 tour:

june 19th:

maybe a coincidence but interesting nonetheless:

june 20th:

alejandro said fuck shawmila rights:

june 21st:

shawn the pathological liar:

two instances where the past proves otherwise: (x) (x)

shawn was also quite close with ally while on tour.

june 22nd:

chance the rapper followed camila on instagram, and then lauren praised him on her story:

june 23rd:

camila only smokes girl blunts:

lauren posted a video of herself in the car listening to suge by dababy. on july 16th, camila did the same thing. on november 29th, it was confirmed that dababy is a feature on romance. link

june 25/26th:

camila and matthew’s breakup was announced 18 months after the beach pictures circulated at the beginning of 2018 and shawn was widely blamed:

june 27th:

camila liked ariana’s post, which included a picture of normani:

june 28th:

a day after lauren’s birthday, camila posted a video of her listening to venice bitch by lana del rey while petting thunder. lana is lauren’s favourite artist and thunder was likely a gift from lauren to camila at the beginning of 2018. link

another coincidence? (probably)

june 30th:

goddess is an understatement:

part 3

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Q & A with Ghost's Tobias Forge

Depending on who you ask, Ghost has been on the hard rock scene since 2006, or for more than half a century, with occult roots stretching back even further. The current frontman, known as Cardinal Copia, is the fourth embodiment of the band to lead the charge at the front of the stage as well as vocally. The band itself has grown, also, with the ranks of the Nameless Ghouls – the masked, black-clad musicians playing and singing behind the Cardinal, has swelled to include new members, including the Ghoulettes, and has occasional appearances by the original band leader, Papa Nihil. No one is quite certain who any of these musicians are, or even if they're the same from show to show, but they put out incredible music and assemble to bring amazing live shows to the stage.

The answer to the questions surrounding the Swedish rockers may be hard to nail down, but the music they make is easy to find. Just in the past year, Ghost's fourth album, “Prequelle,” landed in the number 3 spot on Billboard, has spawned two number one singles, two Grammy nominations, and a live show that's only gotten bigger. Their online following includes over a million fans following them on Facebook, and over 200 million streams of this latest album.

Following last year's “A Pale Tour Named Death” run, primarily in theatres throughout the US, Ghost joined Metallica in the opening slot for that band's WorldWired European run, playing stadiums all across Europe. After captivating audiences across the pond over the last four months, Ghost is ready to invade the US and Canada once again, this time bringing their entire, full-scale production to arenas in every corner of the continent.

Last week, the creative force behind the band, Tobias Forge, took a few minutes out of his schedule to talk about the personas on stage, the new tour, and the future of Ghost.

---------

Mike Sorensen: I know in the past, you've talked about your influences, and anybody can see influences like KISS and Alice Cooper if they just look at the band. But with Ghost, you've taken the mythology side, and taken it to an entirely different level than any of those bands have that I've seen. Was that something that you've done consciously, or has that just felt like something natural as you've continued to build the band?

Tobias Forge: A little bit of both. I mean, it was always intended to be theatrical and have some sort of...I guess, in the beginning, you could call it some sort of vague narrative, because it was supposed to be more clandestine. And then as the public interest seemed to be a little bigger than I had anticipated, it ended up being a little more outlined than I had probably predicted ten years ago. So, you know, you continue working with it as it's grown. But you sort of build where you stand, as well. Fortunately, it sort of grows quite organically, and it sort of ties in. I guess the biggest steps of the narrative is just to be seen, which is kind of exciting, I think!

MS: I know you've been building the stories with the video shots, the rise of Cardinal Copia, or maybe the fall of Papa, depending on how you look at it. Have you, or are you, if you want to tell, considering something closer to a more traditional film? Maybe your “Ghost Meets the Phantom of the Park?”

TF: I hope that what we're doing is slightly better! But I guess in the context of a rock band trying to tell a story, you can't have too high of hopes of it being a blockbuster success! Hahaha! We're still a rock band, and it's there for fun. But yeah, the intention is to, in one way or form, tell that story, and if it becomes a film one day, potentially...but there is definitely other ways to tell the story, as well. And it might come out in paper form.

MS: That's a nice tease, and from a fan point of view, now I'm really excited to see where you're going to go with it!

TF: Good!

MS: Sticking for just one more moment with the mythology part of it, in past interviews, you've said that introducing the Cardinal, you've referred to him as an underdog character that some people may not like. Do you think that's proven to be the case, and do have –  it may be like picking a favorite child if you have more than one child – do you have a particular Papa that you've enjoyed more than the others?

TF: No, not really. That would be Cardinal in this case, actually. I think he's the most accomplished so far, also because I see the potential. This album cycle was always meant as a...a sort of a cleansing of the palette, in a way? The Cardinal was meant to be a little bit uphill, and he has been for me, as well, but I definitely see the potential of him, potentially rise to an exalted place where he gets all the attributes of the previous Papas. That is, IF he gets to be Papa!

MS: It's a fun journey, and I'm grateful that you're taking us all along for the ride!

TF: I'm very happy that you guys want to be on the ride!

MS: With the tour just kicking off, you've just wrapped up the stadium run in Europe with Metallica, you've done other headlining tours in the US before, but this is the first full headlining run for arenas in the US. You've had a handful of shows that have started off the tour now, how does feel being out there doing these headlining shows in arenas now?

TF: My main focus has always been that I wanted to take the same production to anyone, regardless if you live in big, metropolitan, hipster cities, or if you live in a slightly more rural town. I didn't want to segregate anyone, and that has taken a long time. Usually bands don't do that because of spite or out of malice, it's just that economically most bands do not have the means to take the same show to everyone. So there's always a little bit of weeding out, which I've always been uncomfortable partaking in! And finally, now, we've come to a point where the opportunity was to take the same full production to everyone, and that's the main focus of this tour. What it meant was that we needed to go into venues that could house our production. And that is predominately arenas, or smaller arenas, that can swallow a full-production show. My main focus now, I'm not trying to think so much about it being arenas, because it's our first steps into it, and the point that I want to prove is for, in this case, the American and the Canadian people, if you go to see a Ghost show, you can count on us giving you the same thing you saw from that clip in New York.

TF: For me that's a great accomplishment, to even be able to try to prove that to people! If we manage to prove that? We'll see, but it feels good, and there's people coming out, the tour just started, it's been going very good so far! We're three shows into it, so we're still getting there, a few kinks, mechanically and technically, you always sort of end up with a little bit of push-and-pull in the beginning. But throughout the tour, we get into a vibe pretty quickly.

MS: Speaking from one of the more rural areas that you spoke about, I can say that I'm glad you're looking at it that way, because that means we get to have those shows where we might normally get a more scaled-down version, so I appreciate that as well.

TF: That's what I was thinking!

MS: With your shows, and with Ghost's music overall, you walk a really fine tight-rope between the darker imagery and the lyrics, but you have a lot of fun and humour in the shows that I think would surprise a lot of people that haven't seen it before. How do you manage to keep that balance without tipping into too dark, or being a parody?

TF: That's hard to answer. I can't exactly tell you how that...you know, you have a hunch, right? You just have to have timing, and I think so far, we've had that. That's also a little bit of trial and error. I think the tour that we did a year ago? [2018's “A Pale Tour Named Death” US Tour] that covered a big portion of America, from a technical standpoint, it was a little annoying, because – since we were doing theaters and arenas – we had to do a little bit of that segregation thing that I told you about before, that we're trying to avoid now. But it was also “An Evening With...” so we did a two-and-a-half-hour long show, out of which a great deal of that was sort of talking! And that was fun, I don't think that did us any harm, but I definitely wanted to do a different show this time around.

So it's way more to the point. We have a support act, which is different, and I wanted it to be more to the point. Scale off a bit of that talking, scale off a few songs that weren't really...I wouldn't say up to snuff, but that took a little more patience, if you want. Where this set is constructed to be a little more overwhelming, a little more for getting, and I like that, as well. I mean, I like the drawn out stuff as well, but I like the quick stuff. This tour is definitely way more to the point.  

And also thinking that, when you're playing small clubs, playing to 300-500 people, you're most likely playing to...you're selling Bibles to preachers, because everyone already knows all your songs, and people are really, really into it. You get so many diehards at shows like that. As soon as you, sort of, grow out of the clubs, you will have a lot of people coming that are fans, but that might not know every song that you have, and they're not diehard, know every detail of your band...they're there for the spectacle, to be entertained. And there's nothing wrong with that sort of fandom, it's just that you have to take that into consideration when you're playing. So there is a certain amount of recapping that you have to do, in order to kind of explain to people what you're about. I think that's even more true when you're coming up to arenas or even more so when you're playing stadiums.

We've just done a four-month tour with Metallica, doing stadiums in Europe. You could tell that most people, maybe 25,000 of the 50,000 that was average [show attendance], they knew all the Metallica songs. But 50,000 knew “Enter Sandman.” The people come for the spectacle. They don't know every song! The might have heard them, but they don't know every song. You have to treat it, not like a showcase, but a little. You have to stick with the best thing that you have, and get people to understand. You have to win everyone over every night. You cannot think that all of these people are already 100% sold, you have to win them over.

I think that is very important also in trying to figure out the measurement of slapstick and humour. And in this case, you were talking about the episodes. We cannot assume that 100% of everyone in the hall has seen the episodes. Some people are there because their friend at work told them this is a kick-ass rock show and you should come because you like KISS or whatever, and they haven't seen the episodes. So we cannot assume that everyone has seen it. So the bigger you get, the more you have to be attentive to things like that, I believe.

MS: With the new tour, you've also had the new songs that have just been released, and I've noticed a lot of talk going on with those. Did you have a particular inspiration for those new songs, or a particular sound that you were going for with those new tracks? TF: What? No, those are 50 years old! MS: The newly released tracks!

TF: The newly released tracks, yeah, yeah! Well, I mean, they were written 50 years ago, and I'm only 38, so I can't really say!

MS: So, they were the Ghost of the time, their attempt to try to get on the stage at Woodstock.

TF: I guess, right! They were trying to do the most exciting rock you could do at the time. A little bit like if Phil Spector had produced The Stooges. Something like that.

MS: For this year, you have this tour that's just getting started in the US, and then back to Europe. Do you have plans for what's going to happen next year already?

TF: Yes. There will be very little touring. To be specific, it's going to be absolutely zero touring in 2020. We have one show in February, and that's going be in a country that to the south of the US, and that will be it, that's the only show we're doing, and that's going to be the wrap-up of this tour cycle. The year is going to be spent making a new record, a new record that will come out in 2021, the beginning of 2021, and then we're looking at eighteen months of touring again. Next year is going to be, at least from a touring point of view, off. But there's going to be a lot of other things happening, so be sure that you're going to see plenty from Ghost next year.

MS: Definitely no rest for the wicked!

TF: No rest for the wicked!

MS: Was there anything else you wanted to add before I let you go to get ready for tonight's show?

TF: We're really looking forward to coming to Moline, and I'm very, very happy to be able to tell people that we're coming with all the bells and whistles.

---------

Ghost is one of the most dynamic bands performing around the world right now. From their heavy-grooved, melodic music to their engaging, bombastic live shows, to the mystique surrounding who's under the masks and make-up, they continue to build up steam on the way to complete world domination. If you aren't sure, see for yourself. You can go to ghost-official.com to get your own tickets, then slip up the road a little ways on October the 8th to Moline and join the party.

HERALD-WHIG

[mikarashis]

Ensemble Stars Episode 2 Analysis

Alright, now things are starting to get good

We start with Anzu giving a recap of the school again, and then...

Hey Enstars? That ripped Valkyrie poster outside the school gates?  Can we not do that?  I was not prepared...

Okay, I was spoiled for this so I knew Natsume was in this episode, but I still might have squeaked a little when I heard his voice.  

Also I can’t believe he’s just doing some sort of spell on the front walkway to the school (someone on twitter was trying to figure out what it was and the best guess so far seems to be some sort of love potion in hex form which...this is Natsume, so I believe it)

Hello, sir

This is actually good advice because Anzu really is being pulled in a lot of directions but while her character development has been...minimal at best, she actually is very perceptive and comes from a school that might be even wilder than Yumenosaki so she’s fully capable of figuring out what’s going on.

A wild puka-puka appears

‘Two to about five people’  *looks at Mama* ...yep

Okay I laughed at this, it came out of nowhere but this is the kind of humor I appreciate and I found that overall the kind of...extreme exaggerated style of the first episode was tempered a bit.  Enstars has a lot of very ridiculous humor but it’s never so over-the-top that it feels out of place and I’m guessing that’s a harder balance to strike in animation form than just written words in the game stories.  

I actually forgot this is foreshadowing because they use rabbit metaphors so much in this series even when it’s not related to, well, Ra*bits.  Though this one definitely is.

Hi Yuzuru

Happy Birthday Shinonon, you deserve better than to have this episode aired right before your birthday started

HONESTLY Subaru and Hajime have the purest relationship and I’m so glad it gets focus here 

We don’t get to hear much of this song but I still really like how they’re using all the music in ways that aren’t just ‘performances’ so far.  (Also I just noticed Subaru clapping in the background, amazing)

I can’t believe Rei can be woken up by flute music

I’m laughing so much at the shadowy figures in the back because we’ve already seen Kanata like.  Hanging into the fountain.  Super intimidating.  I’m also surprised that they’re sticking with the ‘three oddballs’ thing from the main story because at the time it made sense since Shu and Natsume weren’t in the game yet, but we literally saw Natsume *this episode* so it’s....I get it from a story perspective since Shu and Natsume don’t really help out with the whole ‘revolution’ thing, but it will be weird if they suddenly are all ‘jk nevermind there were five oddballs all along!’ at a later point.  

Oh good bondage!Koga got included after all 

I was expecting them to go all-out on making Rei this sexy/dark/mysterious presence and they certainly did, I mean we all know he’s just a weird vampire grandpa but he’s good at fooling people at first…

He blush

They really only have two songs at the moment, huh

Subaru please be gentle with her.  I realized watching this that Rei’s whole ‘oh I have good hearing so I know everything about all of you’ thing suddenly becomes a lot deeper when you find out his past and learn just how he knows so much about the schol in general...

This isn’t nearly as dramatic as the CG from Rei’s game card with the same scene but we do still get the...vampire reference…

Look at these children

I think we eventually decided that Arashi was responsible for Ra*bits’ outfits because of some things Mitsuru said in Marionette but they certainly make a statement.

Hokke you’re in theater club with *Wataru*, of all people, I refuse to believe this is your first time doing improv comedy

I’m so happy they found a way to get the way Nazuna talks when he gets flustered into the subtitles

Souma doesn’t actually get an introduction screen here so I hope he gets one later on

They reeeeeallly went all-out for this performance, but even though CG in idol series is normally shaky at best I was expecting a lot considering how good the models for the 3D Dream Live shows are and it does look relatively the same so I’m happy with that! 

Everything with the backdrops and the effects is so good too, I was slightly worried how they would pull off the whole ‘idol group hierarchy’ thing but like...Akatsuki’s music has always been some of the best in the series so even though things are definitely ‘rigged’, they’re still top-tier of their own merit and I think they showed that well.  

I feel like this was done better in the stage version where Subaru was actively trying to get people to stay and watch instead of just...sitting there…

THEY’RE SO CUTE THOUGH please support these kids.  I do have to wonder since Nazuna...Nazuna at least would know how things work, and he would know that they had no chance since he used to be part of one of the top units of the school, but he believes in these kids and would want to give them any chance to succeed even if the whole system is against them.

We also get a lot less of Hajime crying here than in other versions of the main story but maybe that’s okay because he should never have to cry at all ;;;;;

I think this part with Subaru finally having his revelation and discovering a reason to fight was really nicely done too; Subaru was...a bit overwhelming in the first episode but again his character was balanced out much more evenly here.  

And with that we’ve already zoomed through about 30 chapters of the main story in forty-ish minutes, which is kind of wild.  Obviously they’re trying to move through it quickly to get to other things, and in some ways I think it works?  They’re hitting all the important parts and if people want the more fleshed-out version it’s a way to entice them to the game itself to read it, but overall I think this episode was a lot more solid in terms of all the elements coming together.  

Next week we apparently get...one single small Sena Izumi…

This will be...fun...

[shirtlesssammy]

14x13 Bullet Point Rambles

Precious Pawn - I love that name. The Winchesters are in there looking for the skull of Sarah Good, executed during the Salem Witch trials. Okay, I’m officially…confused.

Ooooh they’re hunting someone who robbed and killed a hunter they know. Dean shoots the bad guy while he’s threatening Sam. “They always talk too much,” he says with disdain. GLORIOUS

“That’s them.” Local Lebanon teens stare at the Winchesters as they roll up outside of the movie theater. They also wonder where’s their “weird sidekick with the trench coat.”

Sam’s going through the pawn shop’s ledger and finds a pearl that grants wishes.

OMG the blonde teen stole Baby! I did not see that coming.

Sam asks the postal employee where the girl lives. “So you want me to give you an underage girl’s address?” And then DEAN comes in and schmoozes her. He just gives her puppy dog eyes and some gentle pats on the hand and she’s putty in his hands. I mean…same, lady.

All the teens are partying….with the boxes of stuff from the pawn shop that they took out of Baby. Wherps.

(Side note: I love that the speak-and-talk bear’s mouth is sewn shut. Oh, what a story that must’ve been.)

Oh lord, there’s a creepy clown on the loose at this house party. Nooooooooo

Sam and Dean pull their FBI badge on the local teens. LOL nice try.

Turns out that “John Wayne Gacy’s cigar box” held the creepy clown. “A serial killer clown,” Dean observes. “This is like the best / worst thing to ever happen to you. Because you know you love serial killers, but you hate clowns.”

Oh. My. God. Dean and Sam get to explain themselves to those young, wee teens. It’s awkward. I love it.

Back at the bunker, they examine the pearl. Dean makes a wish…the lights flicker…the music swells. And someone’s trying to attack them? It’s John!

John is…eight flavors of confused. Sam’s supposed to be in Palo Alto. John thinks it’s 2003.

The boys give John a recap of their lives and HEY everyone’s crack memes for that recap came true.

Enter: Mary Winchester. I have so many mixed feelings about this. Just…a stew of feelings. They kiss and you can see on Dean’s face that it’s his dream come true. (We have trouble believing that Mary would go from zero to making out buuuuuuuut fine.)

John wanders around the bunker and Sam chats awkwardly with him. Oh, Sammy-bear.

“I screwed up with you a lot, didn’t I?” John asks. I hand him the Understatement of the year award.

“When I think about you,” Sam tells him (and I’m not crying you’re crying) he thinks about losing him…and not all the bad memories. It’s a good, soft moment with more of what Sam needs than what I need so…I’ll allow it.

Sam and Dean head out to get some groceries for family dinner. Dean “Campbell” heads in to his usual bar for drinks but the bartender doesn’t remember him.

After that, Dean does some research. Sam’s a hot shot lawyer who loves kale. Dean has a wanted poster up in the window.

Sam realizes they’re in a temporal paradox thanks to pulling John Winchester forward in time.

What else has changed? Castiel has his wings! HELP US. (Boris: I’m gonna eat some more cheese and feel better while I lament about not being able to gif “wing sounds”)

“Come on, Constantine,” Zachariah says to Castiel who does not “understand that reference.” GLORY BE

Anyway, Castiel does a threatening wing display to the local kids and I’m totally fine about it.

Boris: Man, that scowl reminds me strongly of Scoobynatural Cas

Dean fights Castiel and OUR FEELINGS ARE TOO GREAT

But hey Sam gets to kill Zachariah. Big win there.

Sam sends Castiel away with an angel banishing sigil. I’m really glad that they didn’t have to kill Cas here. That would have been a MAJOR BUMMER

Dean explains the time travel deal to John. Sam thinks Mary will just fade away if John stays. Once they destroy the pearl it all unspools again and John goes back in time with no memories.

John tells Dean that he’s proud of who he is…but he’d hoped Dean would find himself a normal life and a family. “I have a family,” Dean responds. DAMN STRAIGHT

They enjoy a nice family dinner. <3

“I’m good with who I am,” Dean tells Sam. (Boris: are you?) Whatever it is, Dean’s “too damn old” to want anything different. There’s a certain kind of beauty in that.

Dean just told his dad he loves him (Boris: throwing that word out like its candy these days.)

Sam crushes the pearl and it’s like Dean’s been SHOT he flinches so hard. It’s fine. I’m made of stone. All three Winchesters are left full of tears.

Around the town, the changes fade away…the kids remember that the Winchesters are hunters and the two girls hold hands. <3

Cas enters the bunker. “What happened?” “Well there’s a story,” Dean tells him. 

Cut back to 2003. John wakes up in Baby to a call from Dean…the future is just a dream-memory to him…but it IS a happy memory.

Phew! Good one, friends.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: STRANGER THINGS 3

Stranger Things season 3 is here!!!!! Bust out your 80s nostalgia and demogorgon attitude because I fully don’t remember where we left off but Netflix kind of reminded me in a very extended recap that was definitely too long? Whatever, let’s just discuss the wigs! (AND MUCH MORE).

As with last season (and any season of TV I review) I will be adding each episode to this post and then changing my wig verdict as the season progresses. 

CHAPTER ONE: SUZIE DO YOU COPY?

We begin with two tweens making out and YUCK I really don’t want to live through this! I share this opinion with Sheriff Hopper who has to live through these make out sessions that are scored by 80s soft rock music. Even more insulting: THESE HAIRCUTS. I don’t know at what point these kids are gonna outgrow their bowlcuts but the answer seems to be a resounding: NEVER. Also Elle’s hair has finally grown out! TO THIS?!?!?! What overprocessed curly nightmare is this?! I feel like they were going for a Jennifer Grey situation but if that’s the case, I’ll be needing like 110% more hairspray and like 200% more dancing ability, please.

Anyway, the real news in town is: THERE’S A MALL NOW! It’s called Starcourt which is the most 80s sounding name ever and it is home to SCOOPS AHOY ice cream shoppe where Steve and Uma Thurman/Ethan Hawke’s daughter works. This whole storyline is incredibly Fast Times at Ridgemont High themed but Steve’s hair is still very wonderful. Also he can get all the tweens into the movie theater which is showing Day of the Dead and I get it Stranger Things: YOU ARE MAKING ALL THE 80S MALL REFERENCES. 

Also: Dustin is back from camp! It was a science camp called Camp KNOW where and I am definitely gonna see some assholes in this shirt this summer. Anyway, this storyline was all about Dustin forcing his friends into helping him with a radio tower to talk to his possibly fake girlfriend named Suzie and truly: meh.

Meanwhile: WINONA’S SEASON 3 WIG! I’ve gotta say, this season is the best season of wig for Winona. Sure, it is still very much a mess (as is she after the untimely death of her boyfriend Rudy Reuttiger!) but it’s the best wig she’s had so far so MAZEL!

Elsewhere, the most boring teen couple in America (aka Nancy and Will’s brother whose name I won’t learn) are working at the local newspaper and Nancy’s whole job seems to be fetching hamburgers for an entire room of #MeToo examples. Her hair is business chick 80s which is to say: on brand but I could use about 90% more Working Girl, please. 

And now let’s get to the only storyline I truly cared about: Nancy’s mom Karen Wheeler (aka Carla Buono). Every season, her wig brings the drama and glamour I crave in an 80s-based TV show. The arc of her wig story is truly the story of America - from 70s disco queen to bored early 80s housewife to the wig we see today - 80s mall glamour queen. AND I AM HERE FOR IT. She and the other ladies of the Hawkins Town Pool are unfortunately here for the worst character on this show: BILLY.

UGH BILLY. I will give this show major props for having his entrance to the same music playing when Phoebe Cates gets out of the pool in Fast Times (second Fast Times reference in this episode tho) but it’s a gender reversal I can definitely get behind. HOWEVER BILLY IS THE WORST. Within 2 seconds of his entrance, he fat shames a tweenager and also HAS THE WORST WIG.

Nothing has changed much from last season on this wig front. It is still very much a curly dried out MESS which is very much trying to reference Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire yet this bish has yet to wail on a saxophone or talk about granny panties so truly: no redeeming qualities here. 

This does not dissuade Carla Buono from falling under the spell of Billy’s terrible wig. To be fair, her husband is a constantly napping Reagan supporter of indeterminate middle age. Anyway, the episode ends with her getting 80s GLAMOUROUS for a latenight rendezvous with Billy at a fleabag hotel. Billy, however, is run off the road by falling/exploding rats (?) and then dragged into a dirty warehouse full of said exploding rats which truly is the fate I wanted for him and his bad rattail so: COSIGN.

CHAPTER TWO: MALL RATS

We begin with Billy in the rat-infested warehouse being very much alive, so already: I’M ANGRY WITH THIS EPISODE. However, Billy and his awful wig have definitely been through the ringer and he’s about to high-tail it out of there when he comes face to face with: HIMSELF?!?! I don’t know what sort of US crossover this is supposed to be...can we get Jordan Peele on the horn about this? Anyway, he drives out of there in his now somehow completely fine car that didn’t work about 5 minutes ago and then stops at the most bizarrely situated telephone booth literally in the middle of nowhere. I thought this might be a Bill & Ted crossover but nope: he just tries to call 911 before all the electricity bails on that plan.

In other telephone news, Mike has been shook to his core by Sheriff Hopper and tells Elle that he can’t see her and makes up some lies about his grandma. Queen on the scene/his mom Karen and her GLAMOROUS PERFECTION WIG are somehow listening in (KAREN!!!!) and she’s concerned about grandma now too. Everyone back at the pool is concerned about Billy/”Billy” (not sure if he’s the real thing or a mole person version or a possessed alien version - probably the latter) and he is straight up RUDE to Karen so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY ALWAYS. There are also a bunch of shots of the back of his nightmare wig that gave me the shivers. Oh, and he fully kidnaps the other lifeguard as a human sacrifice to a demogorgon blob so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY x100000.

This episode also introduced MAYOR CARY ELWES! This is very good casting and this whole storyline seems like an homage to Jaws so: OK! Also Sheriff Hopper asked Winona’s season 3 wig (which is still good!) on a date/nondate which she definitely didn’t attend because she had far more important lessons to learn about magnets and that’s probably the best reason to stand up a dude ever.

Elsewhere, boring couple is investigating some weird rat/fertilizer situation at an old lady’s house and basically I didn’t pay attention to this part because it was boring and it involved exploding rats so: hard pass. Nancy’s hair looked fine. Jonathan’s hair is a mess. The end.

The rest of the episode was devoted to the only kind of rats I like: MALL RATS! Over at Scoops Ahoy, my favorite bromance between Steve and Dustin was rekindled and truly it is a beautiful thing. 

However, Maya Hawke and her language skills (which are romance based, not Russian but whatever!) come into play to translate the Soviet message Dustin intercepted. They somehow translate it (SURE?) and also Maya’s hair is about as 80s as John Travolta’s 70s costumes were in 50s-set Grease. This hair is pure 2019 and you do you Stranger Things. THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS. 

Meanwhile, Mike is BUMMED about having to lie to Elle so he brings Lucas and Will along with him to the mall to...buy something for Elle to erase the lie he told her? The whole time Will kept asking when they could leave and play D&D and the whole time I wanted these boys to not have bowl cuts anymore.

In the most important storyline, Elle teamed up with Max to have a LADIES DAY AT THE MALL AND I WAS HERE FOR IT! Max does not seem like the kind of chick who is into fashion or commercialism but her overriding guidance of finding yourself through consumerism and forsaking any sad feelings about boys is just good TV. Retail therapy is great!

And I’m sorry but there is absolutely no better cinema than an 80s makeover montage to effing MATERIAL GIRL. YES PLEASE.

Elle also used her powers to prank some asshole chicks at the Orange Julius and this whole part of the show felt very Girls Just Want To Have Fun (the movie but I guess also the song) so VERY YES PLEASE.

THEY EVEN TOOK EFFING GLAMOUR SHOTS. CAN YOU EVEN?! THIS IS EVERYTHING! I don’t know who funded this amazing afternoon at the mall since Max’s parents seem like pretty absentee wrong-side-of-the-tracks types and clearly this whole mall fiasco goes against everything Sheriff Hopper stands for but whatever logic: YAY MALL!

In the end, Elle calls out Mike on his lie and DUMPS HIS ASS! GIRL POWER! MALL POWER! ICE CREAM POWER 4EVER!

CHAPTER THREE: THE CASE OF THE MISSING LIFEGUARD

My favorite bromance, Dustin and Steve, are on the hunt for Russians in the mall! This whole plot is ridiculous and wonderful. They think they’re really onto something here (and maybe they are?) and just need to find some guy with blonde hair and a duffle bag (like all Russians!) When they find someone who fits that description, he turns out to be a FABULOUS aerobics instructor and I like what everyone has done here with the gay or European? trope.

Meanwhile, Hopper comes home from being stood up with bottle of Chianti and general sense of hopelessness when everything takes a turn for the GREAT because Elle isn’t making out with Mike - she’s found a great galpal and they’re having a sleepover. Halleluj all over the place! Elle deserves a great galpal and Max is pretty awesome and can ALMOST land an ollie so I say amen. Winona’s season 3 wig (still great!) shows up and explains about magnets and then they go back to the lab and find an actual Russian (not an aerobics instructor!) but then he hightails it out of there with no other explanation other than the fact that he might be the Terminator and/or just a motorcycle enthusiast.

Anyway, Elle and Max have the best sleepover EVER by using Elle’s sensory deprivation skills to spy on the boys and truly this is the What Men Want crossover no one wanted but sure! (PS the answer is Doritos belches and farts UGH BOYS). 

Beyond that, what Will wants is to just play D&D IN THIS GODDAMNED ELEGANT CAPE, OK?! Mike and Lucas go along with it for a bit, but they are just too girl crazy to concentrate on being a nerd for long. Mike yells at Will, “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” which is interesting phraseology since the internet really wants Will to be gay and only time will tell but honey: the cape eleganza story you’re serving is pretty fabulous, just sayin! (THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS). 

Anyway, after some fun sensory deprivation visions of the guys doing stupid stuff, Elle and Max decide to invent a whole spin-the-bottle inspired game to see what other dudes in Hawkins are up to and dammit if the bottle didn’t land on my wig nemesis BILLY. Elle sees that he’s up to some pretty effed up nonsense involving kidnapping that other lifeguard so they decide to investigate IN THE RAIN.

The rest of the episode is mainly devoted to fabulous 80s raincoat fashion and I WAS HERE FOR IT. Beyond these great raincoat lewks, most of the rest of the cast also rocked some fab 80s raincoats (excepting Will who got soaked destroying his childhood fort and Steve who OF COURSE was wearing a members only jacket but jokes on him bc that rain totally dented his ‘do). 

Anyway, Elle and Max go over to the missing lifeguard’s house and OF COURSE her dad is the #1 asshole that boring couple works with (oh also they did more boring investigating which resulted in an old lady eating fertilizer. Meh). But shocker: BILLY AND HIS AWFUL WIG WERE THERE TOO.

LOOK AT THE SIDE OF THIS DAMN WIG. Truly, this wig IS the demogorgon of this season.

Anyway, double shocker: THE LIFEGUARD ALSO WAS THERE! Or I guess a possessed version of her since this plotline is getting less US and more Invasion of the Body Snatchers (no need to return my call anymore, Jordan Peele). Also possession or not, this chick’s side pony and wispy bangs are the true terrors (second only to Billy’s wig). 

Also can we talk about Billy’s mustache for a second? IT IS SO DISGUSTING. That’s all I have to say. I don’t want to look at it any further.  Also look at how dried out this wig is and this whole episode involves torrential rain. I DEMAND MORE WIG HUMIDITY DAMMIT.

Anyway, Max and Elle (smartly) hightail it out of there right before Billy and the lifeguard attack her parents for further demogorgon possessions and we get one last terrifying view of Billy’s wig. HORRIFYING.

CHAPTER FOUR: THE SAUNA TEST

So I’m really liking the whole Elle and Max vibe going along here. I also like that they weren’t dissuaded by the whole Billy being a possessed demogorgon thing to spoil their sleepover. IT CONTINUES! And not only that, Max is literally introducing  WONDER WOMAN TO ELLE. I could watch an entire episode of this also because both of their hair isn’t too offensive and they’ve both discovered scrunchies. Mazel! But of course, the guys call in a code red and they have to hightail it over there to fix everything. Ain’t it always the way, ladies?

I would like to take a moment to talk about bowl cuts. So far, I have just lumped both Will and Mike’s bowl cuts into “awful” territory as all bowl cuts are awful. However, this episode gets a lot of shots of the back of Will’s head (because the back of his neck is always sensing those goddamned demogorgons). Anyway, it became very clear in this episode just how terrible this wig is as opposed to Mike’s terrible bowl cut actual hair. I consulted the internet, and apparently the kid who plays Will CUT HIS HAIR (which he was contractually obligated NOT to do) days before shooting began and the wigmaster had to scramble and make a wig literally out of the childhood cut hair of one of her assistants. READ IT ALL HERE. Despite her hustle, this wig sucks in the way that all man wigs suck: the back taper is just all off!! And with all those closeups of Will’s neck it is VERY DISTRACTING!! Billy officially is not the only one with a terrible man wig this season. But his is still the worst!

It did hide a bit under this sweet NIAGARA FALLS hat this episode. And his oily bohunk body was hidden under this sweatshirt which was a dead giveaway to all the kids that SOMETHING WAS AMISS HERE since Billy can barely keep a shirt on at school let alone the pool. Since Will knows that demogorgons (specifically the mind flayer?) like it CHILL, everyone was all: THIS DUDE IS STRAIGHT UP POSSESSED. Great work, kids! Also honestly, this whole lewk was giving me Weekend At Bernies realness and I was here for it (since it implies that Billy is dead which I would like very much please). 

Meanwhile, Hopper’s anger management issues get PEAK BLOODY when he just beats the shit out of Cary Elwes (who is technically kind of his boss?) in demanding answers about that Terminator/motorcycle enthusiast who beat the shit out of HIM last episode. Oh, and just an FYI: Winona’s season 3 wig was along for the ride and was still looking great! I cannot say the same for Cary Elwes’s face!

Over at Scoops Ahoy, Steve and his superior wigless mane are doing some serious air duct work with the help of Lucas’s precocious sister. This whole plotline begs the question: do any of the parents of Hawkins ever know where their kids are?

Meanwhile, boring couple is on the rocks after having a really boring fight about whether it’s worse to be a woman or poor and they called it a draw I guess? Anyway, I haven’t spent much time talking about Nancy’s hair which is starting to look a little lumpy honestly and the article I read (link above) told me the bizarre fun fact that most of this hair is real and permed (duh) but that part of the undercarriage is remnants from Winona’s season 1 wig which is obviously why it looks so shitty. The more you know!

Anyway, after being fired by the #metoo boss (who is now also demogorgon possessed) for wanting to investigate why that old lady with the fertilizer eating rats is now also eating fertilizer, she turned to her mom - the one and only queen of Hawkins glamour - KAREN WHEELER. LOOK AT THIS GODDAMNED PERFECT LEWK. Mama Karen ended up giving her a very great motivational pep talk that legit made me cry (SERIOUSLY) about how she had to keep fighting and get the world out about this effed up fertilizer situation. She also delivered a sick burn about her constantly napping husband. I LOVE YOU KAREN.

Back at the town pool, all the kids concocted a Home Alone-style booby trap to get Billy into the sauna, crank up the heat, and prove that there is a heat-hating demogorgon inside him. It kind of worked except they also almost died during the battle royale between Billy’s inner demon (literal this time) and Elle. 

Also I know that I demanded wig humidity last time but this is NOT WHAT I MEANT OMG THIS WIG IS A GHOSTMARE. Anyway, Elle saved the day (duh) for now by throwing Billy through a brick wall like he was the Kool-Aid man but seems like he’s forming a demogorgon army of possessed mole people so seems like it’s gonna be one crazy summer, you guys!

CHAPTER FIVE: THE FLAYER

Straight off the bat: this was a weird episode because it included neither my least favorite wigwearer, Billy, nor (SOB) my favorite wig wearer, KAREN WHEELER. So we were left with a bunch of other randos, mainly Soviets. We begin with Winona’s season 3 wig (looking a little rough around the edges in this episode, I am sad to report) and Hopper, fresh off the info he beat out of Mayor Cary Elwes, high tailing it to some farm owned by The Terminator dude. Under his bed, they find a bunker with these two dudes in it. Good morning!

Terminator dude, obvs shows up fairly immediately and lots of yelling, guns, and machismo ensue. In the end, the Terminator is briefly subdued by a fallen bookshelf and Winona’s season 3 wig, Hopper, and one of the rando Soviets escape but not without car troubles because: of course?

After Hopper’s truck explodes, they are all forced to walk through the woods while Winona’s season 3 wig hilariously tries to ask the non-English-speaking Soviet dude about magnets. It’s all pretty silly stuff but I’m here for Winona’s season 3 wig to get some comedic scenes instead of long suffering Christmas light crying scenes.

Anyway, they find a 7-11 where a lot of product placement and caffeine takes place, as well as Hooper yelling a lot for no reason which is essentially his entire character this season. Get some anger management classes, dude! Also the rando Soviet gets a slushie so between that and Billy’s icee last episode: WHAT A TIME FOR FLAVORED ICE WATER!

My absolute favorite part of the episode came next when Hooper commandeered a sweet convertible from this yuppie asshole. I’m not sure how often police commandeer vehicles in real life but I love it when they do it in movies because it’s always taking a car from some pompous idiot who clearly doesn’t deserve to drive (see: Speed, So I Married An Axe Murderer, etc). You can’t get more pompous or idiotic than this yuppie (named Todd, of course?!) with both a popped Polo shirt AND a blazer with zhuzhed sleeves AND white pants. THE NERVE OF THIS GUY FOR EVEN EXISTING! PLEASE TAKE HIS CAR! OMG HIS LICENSE PLATE IS TDFTHR! EVERYTHING IS JUSTIFIED!

Then Hopper, Winona’s season 3 wig, and the rando Soviet drive directly to Murray’s compound in Illinois. I’m bummed we have to suffer through Murray and his existence again since I’ll never forgive him for the gross pull-out couch jokes he made about #boringcouple’s sex romp at his house but here we are. He DOES speak Russian so let’s just get through this translation. Oh and obviously the Terminator dude questioned the 7-11 clerk so he’s probably on his way to Murray’s house now, hopefully to kill him so I don’t have to suffer through any more of his gross sex jokes. 

Meanwhile, the Scoops Ahoy spy crew are still locked in that elevator they took way into the bedrock of earth/logic but somehow manage to escape when some (more!) rando Soviets come to unlock some deliveries. Then they discover the whole Soviet plan to reopen the Upside Down while also not being noticed by one single Soviet (great security, dudes!) except for this one Soviet who Steve beats up (GO STEVE!) I’d also like to say that Steve’s superior wigless mane is truly wonderful in this episode. The lights from the underground labs really bring out his summer highlights and it’s truly a thing of beauty. Uma Thurman’s daughter continues to have a 2019 beach wave blunt instagram cut not welcome in this 80s narrative please but otherwise she’s fine. 

Over with #boringcouple, they got back together I guess? Remember at the end of season 1 when we were all deeply offended that Nancy was still with Steve and NOT Will’s brother (I refuse to believe he has an actual name). How things have changed! If Steve ever took back Nancy, I would be personally DEEPLY OFFENDED so I guess it’s fine she’s just still a #boringcouple but it’s still boring you guys. Even more boring: the actors are a couple in real life and have been for years! I just found this out this week and found it DEEPLY BORING.

Anyway, #boringcouple teams up with the tween gang to solve this whole fertilizer eating mystery and Nancy totally mommed it up when she put her shitty perm back in a banana clip and told all the kids to buckle up so she could drive her parents’ wood-paneled station wagon and honestly this section felt very Adventures in Babysitting so I’ll allow it. Also Will’s bro’s hair always looks like it was cut by a weed wacker and I’m not sure if this is a comment on his socioeconomic plight but truly Winona’s season 3 wig should get her kids better haircuts please. If her wig can improve so can theirs. In any case, at the missing lifeguard’s house, they vaguely put together some blood-related clues and then decide to visit the fertilizer eating grandma in the hospital.

Only fertilizer eating grandma ain’t there, hunties! Also please return all those flowers to their vase, please. Instead, #boringcouple apologized to each other for their boring fight in an elevator and then had to fight two possessed #metoo bros from the newspaper (which was very satisfying) while Elle and Mike basically starred in an M&Ms commercial in the waiting room. I honestly was hoping that #boringcouple would get possessed too but they ended up being ok (SIGH) and the back of Will’s bowl cut wig sensed danger so I guess Elle is just gonna have to fix everything in the next episode or 3. 

CHAPTER SIX: E PLURIBUS UNUM

We begin, UGH, with #boringcouple who are still battling with (part of?) the mind flayer in the hospital and Nancy gets very Sigourney Weaver in Alien and I thought she was about to get flayed but sadly Elle saved her ass. Back at Hooper’s bunker, the whole gang is still basically relying Elle for both protection and sensory deprivation recon. Nancy gels her hair up for some reason (I hope she used DEP!) and Will keeps getting the tingles on the back of his terrible bowl cut wig. Max and Mike have a battle royale about who cares about Elle more and whether women can make their own decisions about their own telepathic powers which Nancy rightfully weighs in on (you go gurl?) But honestly, no one was protecting Elle from the real catastrophe here: WEARING CRISS CROSS SUSPENDERS THE WHOLE GODDAMNED EPISODE. Suspenders are fine and I’m glad Elle has found fashion, but maybe the kids can elect one of them as Elle’s suspenders advocate to avoid this in the future?

Meanwhile, Terminator dude still hasn’t caught up with Murray (sadly) and everyone in his bunker is still very much alive, at least until they die of lung cancer (ZING!) Anyway, Murray does a lot of Russian translation, rando Soviet dude throws a diva fit about slurpee flavors, Hopper continues his reign of anger management/alcoholism problems, and Winona’s season 3 wig is honestly not looking great. They do somehow figure out what the Russians are doing under Starcourt (they even make diagrams and use a lot of Burger King product placement to reenact nuclear scanarios!) And Hopper calls a secure line to demand backup back in Hawkins. Okay?

Back in Hawkins, Bloody Bloody Cary Elwes seems to have recovered from Hopper’s beating pretty nicely (as long as he keeps those shades on) and is very much invested in the 4th of July county fair he is PRODUCING (he even made signs crediting himself!) The Terminator dude demands answers about Hooper but no matter: JUST ENJOY THIS FAIR RIDE!

Speaking of people getting face beatings, Steve is getting absolutely SAVAGED by the Soviets. It was honestly very heartbreaking because he has somehow become the male MVP of this show, partially to do with his hair god status (EVEN WITH A BLOODY FACE HIS HAIR LOOKS SO GREAT!) but also because he’s become a really sweet guy and I just want him to catch a damn break! (Tho please continue to be broken up with Nancy - dear god!) 

We shouldn’t be too worried about him getting back together with Nancy, though, because if it wasn’t clear from the moment Uma Thurman’s daughter was introduced: THESE TWO ARE OBVS GETTING TOGETHER. Her hair is still a very 2019 distraction but she’s def an upgrade from Nancy. However, after taking some weird Soviet truth serum (probably just LSD, right?) she admits that she harbored a crush on him way back in the 10th grade and also totally undermines her cool outsider status by admitting that all losers want to be popular (I DON’T KNOW IF ALL LOSERS STAND BY THIS GURL I HOPE THIS IS JUST THE LSD TALKING!) This whole section gives a lot of Some Kind of Wonderful realness and honestly that is a lesser John Hughes work so I’m not sure I can give any of this a passing grade. However, Dustin and my new favorite sass machine, Erica save the day with a nuclear cow prod! GREAT WORK KIDS! ALSO YOUR PARENTS DEFINITELY DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE! Speaking of parents, yet again the glamour of KAREN WHEELER did not grace itself in this episode and we were all worse for it.

Back at Hopper’s cabin, Elle decides to go nuclear with her sensory deprivation recon and we all have to welcome BILLY (UGH BILLY) and his terrible wig back. Anyway, he pushes her further into the recesses of his memory/all logic on an astral plane that can only be described as the place where Michelle Pfeiffer was in the Ant-Man sequel (IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT HOW VERY DARE YOU). So we get a lot of terrible childhood flashbacks which try to show Billy’s abusive tendencies to be learned from his horrible upbringing and truly: DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT BILLY.

JUST LOOK AT THIS IDIOT. NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Despite the humidity of his entire body, his wig remains a dried out hellscape that I would love to never see again for the rest of my days. Also he almost traps Elle in the astral plane they’re on JUST LIKE MICHELLE PFEIFFER IN THAT ANT-MAN MOVIE) but she escapes into the arms of Mike (fine sure) and then Billy explains that he and and his army of mole people have been waiting for Elle this whole time and: REALLY? That seems very specific but you do you, mole people. Oh also all those mole people (grandma fertilizer included!) all file into the rat warehouse and shapeshift into a disgusting mind flayer/demogorgon/blob nightmare. YAY!

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE BITE

Welcome to the Fun Fair (a Mayor Cary Elwes production!) Somehow he recovered from his terrible face beating to show some FACE at this thing. The whole town is there and ready for some 4th of July FUN that will definitely not be ruined by Russians or demogorgons. 

Most importantly, this episode gave us the triumphant return of KAREN WHEELER! HER HAIR LOOKS AMAZING! She is bringing full out bouffant glamour to the Fun Fair and damn if she didn’t have this lewk done at Dolly Parton’s salon in Steel Magnolias. IT IS THAT GOOD.  Clearly employing the “higher the hair the closer to god” theory - and not just hair-wise actually because this bish bribed some carnie to stop the ferris wheel at its highest point so that she and her family (at least the part of her family whose whereabouts she knows about) can enjoy some FIREWORKS. KAREN YOU MINX I LOVE YOU! HOW ARE YOU STILL MARRIED TO THIS DUDE IN GOLF PANTS?!

The top of the ferris wheel is also a perfect place to see the incoming demogorgon!! The back of Will’s bowl cut is getting the tingles too. And before Elle can fully explain her trip into Billy’s beach memories, the mind flayer is THERE, y’all, busting through the roof of Hopper’s cabin like it’s straight out of a 50s b-movie. I would like to note that for ONCE Winona’s house isn’t about to get trashed so mazel! #Boringcouple armed themselves with guns and axes but obvs they prove completely useless and the flayer is about to steal Elle away when they make a human chain and are victorious...FOR NOW.

Meanwhile, Dustin and Erica are dealing with a very drugged up Steve and Uma Thurman’s daughter and decide to lay low in a showing of (WHAT ELSE?): Back to the Future! They actually show so much of this movie that I’m assuming the entire wig budget went straight to Robert Zemeckis. 

Over in the TDFTHER convertible, Winona’s season 3 wig is looking a damn MESS as is all the side projection of them getting back to Indiana. There’s a lot of bickering between Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper and finally my beloathed Murray has to meet his gross sex talk quota for the season and tells both of them to just have sex already and then he and the Soviet dude laugh a lot and OMG GET ME OUT OF THIS CONVERTIBLE.

#Boringcouple and the kids smash into a supermarket to get Elle some medical help for the leg that the flayer effed up. I’m not sure why a hospital wasn’t an option but it’s probably so there could be more 80s product placement like Mr. T cereal and a whole actual conversation about New Coke. Nancy’s hair is still VERY depped up. Max seems to have the most medical training from skateboard injuries and fixes Elle up pretty well while the dudes prove completely useless other than finding a treasure trove of fireworks. I guess most importantly, Elle was reunited with her ain’ true love: EGGOS. They hightail it out of there with a ton of fireworks that they definitely won’t (lol jk) use later. Oh and Elle’s blood kind of comes alive and Billy and his shitty wig come back to sniff her out. Gross. 

Speaking of gross, Steve and Uma’s daughter left the very confusing (for them) screening of Back to the Future to go stare at the Starcourt ceiling to the point of barfing (which I honestly did not need to see TWICE or at all!) The barf did get the LSD out of their systems so now it’s time for truth talk and LURVE TALK! I really have to hand it to Steve for being completely face beaten and bloody and covered in barf and still having enough swagger to admit to Uma’s daughter that he has feelings for her (despite her 2019 hair) and just when I thought this show was so predictable, Uma’s daughter comes out as a LESBIAN!! What? Okay! To his credit, Steve pivots pretty easily to ally/friend and truly: HE IS THE BEST AND WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM. ALSO PLEASE GET HELP ON YOUR FACE WOUNDS AND YOUR HAIR STILL LOOKS GREAT. 

NOR DO WE DESERVE THIS MUCH GLAMOUR TWICE IN ONE EPISODE. Karen Wheeler may look great but damn if she knows where her (or Winona’s season 3 wig’s) kids are. But let’s just enjoy this space ship ride! Also a rando carnie calls Hopper “Magnum” and: sick burn. Also there is a woman dressed up as Uncle Sam at the fun fair and between this drag king realness, Uma’s daughter, that one Jazzercise instructor, and (maybe/probably) Will, I’m so ready to throw a Hawkins Pride Parade. Karen is already wearing rainbow stripes!

Elsewhere at the fun fair, Alexei is having the time of his damn life winning a Woody Woodpecker with the support of 10000 children. Sadly, his joy is cut short when the Terminator dude kills him in cold blood. HARSH. Also Murray chooses to blame himself for not guarding him like he was supposed to and instead buying a corn dog. I AGREE, MURRAY: THIS IS YOUR FAULT PLEASE LEAVE. Then Hopper has a whole sequence with the Terminator dude (and some other rando Soviet baddies) in the funhouse which is the second time this season which felt like a weird homage to US and I guess I need to get Jordan Peele on the horn again about this. Anyway, Hopper gets ANOTHER face beating and so does Cary Elwes from Winona’s (also beat) season 3 wig. 

Back at the mall, Steve and company are trying to just slip out with the rest of the movie crowd from Back to the Future but the Soviets are totally onto them and it looks like they’re about to be killed when (AGAIN) Elle saves the day by throwing a Chrysler LeBaron on them. GREAT WORK! Unfortunately, Elle is also receiving a threatening phonecall from a mini demogorgon and the call is coming from: INSIDE HER LEG. 

CHAPTER EIGHT: THE BATTLE OF STARCOURT

So this demogorgon situation with Elle’s leg is pretty severe so Will’s brother (again name NOT NECESSARY) prepares for mall surgery based on stuff found at the Panda Express and literally gave her a wooden spoon to bite on as if this was happening during the Revolutionary War. The demogorgon leg removal is not working so as always, Elle just DID IT HERSELF because she may be the only capable person in this mall/town. 

Hopper and Winona’s season 3 wig (not looking great) and (UGH) Murray show up and everyone compares notes on how to fix this whole mindflayer situation. Most importantly, Erica outsasses Murray and wins. Steve (rightly) gets the keys to the TDFTHER convertible to take him, Uma’s daughter, Dustin and Erica (now known as Scoops Troop) to Dustin’s radio tower. The rest of the tweens plus #boringcouple (now known as The Griswold Family because sure) are getting sent to Murray’s bunker and can’t they maybe stop and get Elle some medical attention on the way? No matter: they’re not going anywhere because Billy, possessed or not, still knows way too much about cars and stole their damn ignition cable. DAMMIT BILLY. 

Steve is driving the Scoops Troop up a damn hill to the radio tower while listening to Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher which I’m sure is a Ghostbusters 2 reference and also Uma’s daughter looks exactly like her in the convertible driving part of Kill Bill and honestly all of these pop cultural references are getting tiring. Anyway, from the top of the radio tower, they can see the demogorgon closing in on the mall and Steve and Uma’s daughter hightail it back there. 

At the mall, Elle is having some trouble moving that LeBaron to get the ignition cable - she can’t even move a damn coke can. WHAT GIVES? This does beg the question: since she has literally done all the heavy lifting this season, could she maybe call in a favor from her telepathic sister in Chicago? Why did this show even introduce that character - just to check off “punks” on their 80s pop culture list (note: DEFINITELY) But seriously, it’s like when Marvel makes a stand-alone superhero movie after an Avengers movie. SOMEONE GET THAT PUNK CHICK ON THE HORN!!! Anyway, Will gets some back of bowl cut tingles and the damn demogorgon smashes through the roof. Elle, Mike, and Max make a run for it through the gap, where the demogorgon confuses a mannequin wearing Elle’s same clothing and truly: the gap would NEVER sell this graphic eleganza! Did Esprit just not want to be involved in this whole mess because that is where she would have bought that. The rest of the tense gap scene plays out basically exactly like the kitchen scene in Jurassic Park. Meanwhile, #boringcouple is doing boring auto work while Billy just endlessly stalls in his evilmobile but is about to hit them when MVP hair god Steve saves the day and everyone piles into the station wagon. YAY!

Elsewhere, the Terminator dude has made it to the Soviet subbasement where Hooper, Winona’s season 3 wig and (UGH) Murray are now in Soviet apparel. Winona’s season 3 wig (looking great hidden under that hat) and Hopper have a nice talk and make plans for a legit date which definitely won’t be derailed by a demogorgon (lol jk jk). Murray manages to infiltrate the room where all the wires control the nuclear weapon the Soviets are using to open up the Upside Down and why wasn’t this room better guarded? Oh well. Much like sucking at guarding Soviets and not buying corndogs, Murray sucks at remembering important numbers which are the combination for the nuclear keys. 

Of course the code is some nerdy equation that requires Dustin to ask fellow nerd (and girlfriend Suzie who exists!) for help. But not before Suzie demands that Dustin sing....The Neverending Story theme song. This is peak 80s cultural reference and we can all go home now. Also it is mainly an excuse for Galen Matarazzo to sing and sure: he and this chick sound great! Now please get those damn keys! 

Elle,  Max and Mike are confronted with (unfortunately still alive) Billy who beats the shit out of all of them and takes Elle. She’s about to get flayed when Lucas and Will throw all those damn fireworks on the demogorgon. Sure!  Elle uses Billy’s memories to reason with him. This show definitely wants us to root for Billy all of a sudden because he turns on the demogorgon but I REFUSE TO LIKE BILLY WITH THAT DRIED OUT WIG IN THIS SWEATY MALL. 

   Back in the subbasement, Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper are ready to end this but the Terminator dude shows up. They duke it out very close to a nuclear warhead while Winona’s season 3 wig turns into MacGuyver and uses a belt to try to disarm both keys and bless her. Hopper throws the Terminator into nuclear generator thingie. Byeeeeee. Then Hopper looks back at Winona’s season 3 wig for long enough to definitely make it back into the safe glass room where she is but instead just gives a really long nod, signalling her to disarm the nuclear whatever thing and he definitely (absolutely does not) die. 

However, all my hopes and dreams for Billy’s death finally came true! YAY FOR ME AND MY HATRED OF HIS TERRIBLE WIG AND HIS CHARACTER WHICH HAD NO REDEEMING QUALITIES NO MATTER HOW MANY BEACH FLASHBACKS TRIED TO PROVE OTHERWISE. I will say that his exit is VERY METAL so in some ways, this was the only appropriate death for his Metallica and Tank loving character. FINE. Two seconds after he and the demogorgon die, the feds show up with Paul Reiser! I am honestly very mad at this show for not blasting Pat Benatar’s Little Too Late during this entire sequence. OH WELL. Outside the mall Winona’s season 3 wig and Will’s terrible bowl cut wig are reunited in a bad wig hug. Then Winona’s season 3 wig catches sight of Elle and gives her a look that says: I am definitely adopting you.

Three months later, a fake Inside Edition show gets us up to date on the burning of the mall, government coverups, and comeuppance of terrible mayor Cary Elwes. Also Uma’s daughter (now with 80s appropriate updo!) and Steve are trying to get jobs at the video store! Uma’s daughter and her love of Billy Wilder movies make her a shoe-in for the job but Steve's taste in the Ewok Star Wars movie and the 5 minutes he saw of Back To the Future whilst on LSD don’t make him the best candidate. Also he trips over a Phoebe Cates cut-out and truly Phoebe Cates: thank you for your service in being name-checked constantly this season. In the end, Steve’s awesome hair gets him the job. Maybe? 

Meanwhile, Winona’s season 3 wig is moving just like she said she was going to this whole season and no one believed her. Also she put her wig back in a ponytail and: good move it looks ok! Elle still doesn’t have her powers back but eh? She does get a heart-tugging letter from beyond the grave (he’s totally still alive) and all the kids/tweens/#boringcouple sob that they are being separated. It isn’t clear where Winona’s season 3 wig is going or how she could have sold her shitty house in the town that fake Inside Edition show called haunted. And yes, separating her now 3 PTSD kids from their only support group is also shitty but what has this goddamned town ever done for Winona and any of her seasons’ wigs other than stealing her children and killing her love interests and trashing that shitty house at least twice?! I SAY GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE (they will fully be back next season). 

After collectively sobbing all their faces off, the tweens of Hawkins are left only with the ELEGANZA OF KAREN WHEELER and whatever healthy dinner she’s preparing with the help of some white wine. YOU KIDS ARE STILL LUCKY WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE KAREN WHEELER! Oh and back in Russia, Hopper is like 110% definitely still alive. See y’all next season!

FINAL VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (YOU KNOW IT WAS BILLY’S FAULT)

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 15 Review: Diegesis in a Strange Paradise

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

Introducing Vangie’s father, the Conjure Man.

We open to the sound of some funky drums as a mysterious old man in a toga-like garment conducts a religious ritual, swaying his stiff limbs as strange lamps burn on an altar in the background. He lays down exhausted on a straw mat as Vangie enters.

“Good,“ says the old man, “you’re just in time.” In the background, the drums continue beating, which makes me wonder: can he hear the drums and, if so, where is the music coming from? If you’ve read my reviews of previous episodes, you’ll know that I like to analyze which elements on this show are diegetic and which are not--which, most of the time, is surprisingly hard to determine.

For those who don’t already know or who want a more in-depth explanation than I’ve previously given, diegesis is a mode of storytelling that shows the actions of a story from the characters’ point of view (the diegetic or intradiegetic level), as opposed to that of an outside narrator (the extradiegetic level). The narrator writes about what the character sees, hears, thinks, and feels, without stylizing it or filtering it through an outside perspective. In literature, this kind of narrative is easy to spot and usually takes either a first-person or third-person limited perspective--or, more rarely, a second-person perspective. A third-person omniscient narrative can be purely diegetic, but only if the narrator doesn’t add their personal opinions or interpretations of the characters to the story.

In theater, film, and TV, determining what elements of a narrative are diegetic is more difficult, because the dramatic arts all rely on extradiegetic storytelling to some degree. The writer(s) and director(s) take on the role of narrator and have to communicate the characters’ experience to the audience in a way that they will understand, often relying on theatrical conventions that aren’t realistic but help them communicate the characters’ thoughts and feelings better.* One example relevant to soap operas like this one is backacting**, which “is to stage a scene so both actors are facing the camera...The idea is that it has the benefit of getting both character’s [sic] faces full on in the shot, so you get the full impact of their acting and/or emoting.” Obviously, most people don’t turn away from the people they’re talking to in real life, and most soap characters probably wouldn’t, either, if they were real people. This makes backacting non-diegetic.

My favorite example of backacting on this show, from Episode 5.

So far under my diegesis tag, I’ve examined Jacques Eloi des Mondes’ vanishing portrait and his ring to determine whether or not those were diegetic. The portrait vanishing is diegetic in the Paperback Library novels based on the show, and we know this because multiple characters reference it. Take, for example, this scene from the first book:

They started to leave the room, but Diana stopped short to stare at the frame where the portrait of Jacques Eloi des Mondes was plainly revealed when she entered the hall. "That's strange," she said, frowning. "I'd have sworn there was a portrait in that frame." A hand took her elbow gently and words were spoken so close to her ear that warm breath touched her earlobe. "But no. It was taken out to be cleaned and will be restored shortly. How attractive you are when you look perplexed, my dear." ***

On the show, however, it’s non-diegetic. No one ever mentions the portrait disappearing and as early as Episode 6, the crew stop removing it when Jacques possesses Jean Paul. Less than two weeks later, his handsome face stays smirking inside the frame whether or not his spirit is inside Jean Paul’s body. When he possesses him, the camera still cuts to the shot of the blank portrait, but the portrait itself is still visible on the set and to the characters. In Episode 12 where Jacques controls Jean Paul for the entire episode, Holly has a short scene where she discusses how much he resembles his descendant, and the portrait is visible--and that’s just one example of many.

The ring, in contrast, is diegetic, which we know because Elizabeth mentions it in Episode 13. It later appears in Episode 68 where Raxl tries to sacrifice it to the Great Serpent. But it also appears for a short time on another character’s hand in Episode 59 before disappearing again, and I’m not sure if that part was intended to be diegetic or merely symbolic of Jacques’ alliance with said character. (I think that, in that instance, it’s supposed to be the latter.)

And now we return to the Conjure Man and the unseen drums in the background of his introduction scene. We know from Episode 12 that Raxl and Quito have tried contacting him through voodoo rituals, which involved (among other things) Quito beating a drum. While I doubt that a hypothetical ordinary human would hear the drums if they were to spy on him, it is possible that he can hear them (either literally or telepathically) thanks to his supernatural powers. If this is true, then the music is diegetic whether or not any other characters could hear it, because at least one character does.

Alternatively, the Conjure Man could have the power to make drums beat on his own, or create music out of thin air like the ghosts in this fun Dark Shadows episode. Kind of a stretch, but it is a fantasy show, and I’m willing to suspend my disbelief in any fantasy elements as long as I think they’re cool. I don’t understand why some other fantasy fans need a pseudo-scientific explanation for fantastic elements in stories; just tell me “this man, who is over 300 years old, has the power to summon drum noises at will” and I’ll gladly accept it, no questions asked. It’s a fantasy story; we don’t need to know the pseudo-physics involved.

Or maybe the music is just regular, incidental, non-diegetic music and I’m just overanalyzing again (which is probably the truth). Whatever. I’d rather spend my free time writing about Strange Paradise than have a social life. ;)

Vangie and the Conjure Man.

Anyway, the Conjure Man tells Vangie that he foresees that he will die soon and therefore she, his sole heir, must become the Conjure Woman. Vangie doesn’t want to, saying “I don’t believe.” However, her father insists that she is best because she “know[s] this modern world” and is “trained for the future when man will wake up to the network of his own mysticism.” (A possible reference to the idea of the Age of Aquarius or the New Age movement in general?) Vangie replies that, although she believes in telepathy and ESP, she does not believe in witchcraft because “its roots are in the past.”

“Where could you find roots, but in the past?” asks the Conjure Man, chewing the scenery. “How can a tree grow without roots? How can you deny your own destiny? Yours is a gift of giving, Vangie. Don’t deny that.”

“I don’t want it!”

“You can’t escape it!” He tries to stand up, but can’t, and tells Vangie the messages or “truths” that he has received. “On Maljardin, the Devil is loose again.” The drums intensify. “Your minister will be sent for. The forces of evil have drawn a battle line between God and the Devil!”

I like this screencap. Taken out of context, it looks like Alison is doing a Raxl impression.

On the cursed isle of Maljardin, Jean Paul and Alison meet in the Great Hall for some recap. Alison repeats her intention to stay, but insists that Jean Paul promise her some things. This pisses off THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES, who decides to take over and listen to the conditions instead, making Jean Paul look like a fool in the process:

Condition #1: Jean Paul informs Erica’s and her father of Erica’s death.

Jacques’ response:

Trolling Alison by suggesting her father might help with his insane cryonics scheme.

Alison objects, saying that her father knows that cryonics is a pseudoscience. “There’s always a beginning,” Jacques replies, mocking her. “Aren’t you proud that your sister is one of its pioneers?”

This pisses her off, understandably. “I was a fool to stay here,” she remarks. But he just keeps talking, first about how no word of the cryonics experiment must leak out (again) and then about transplants (also again). They discuss a brain transplant experiment involving bird embryos by a Yugoslavian scientist named Pavlovic, which actually happened, but with a low survival rate. Clearly Ian Martin did some research on organ transplants, and one has to wonder if he knew of the failures and deliberately used them to foreshadow problems with Erica’s resurrection.

Condition #2: That he bring a minister to Maljardin to conduct a funeral service for Erica.

Jacques’ response: More denial that Erica is dead, plus this argument:

Insane troll logic: “If a man landed on the moon, that means we have achieved the impossible, which in turn means that nothing is impossible. If nothing is impossible, then Erica can come back to life.”

Alison accuses him of denying God, to which he responds that “He and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms.” (Gotta love Jacques dropping hints about his identity.) Cut back to the Conjure Man:

Any idea what any of this means?

The Conjure Man is busy serving Vangie a nice nutritious plate of word salad as he slowly passes over to the spirit world and YouTube’s automatic captions gleefully obscure the meaning of his words even more. The actual line doesn’t make much more sense than this, speaking of a “conqueror of mist” and other mystical-sounding stuff that is most likely nonsense. And he doesn’t deliver it well, because...well...he’s just not a very good actor.

Jacques: “We are not amused. No...wait...” *snickers* “...Actually, we are.” (Note: He doesn’t actually say this, but he should have.)

Jean Paul recovers and promises to bring Matt to the island, while the Conjure Man continues giving Vangie instructions. He tells her to bring the Knight of Pentacles--which Vangie identifies with Dan Forrest--to Maljardin. I need to remember to write a post analyzing all the Tarot symbolism used sometime in the near future, which I keep putting off doing, but I will say that the description of the card at the randomly-selected Tarot website I linked to does indeed sound like a description of Dan.

At the French Leave Café--otherwise completely deserted save for Quito and the bartender--Jean Paul meets up with Matt. He orders a gin and tonic, which suggests that he was already a heavy drinker before Jacques started quaffing brandy all the time while in his body. (Speaking of which, why do the characters on this show and Dark Shadows just leave decanters of brandy sitting out where anyone can slip poison, drugs, or magical potions in them? I can understand why Roger Collins on DS does it because he doesn’t have a brain, but Jean Paul allegedly has an IQ of 187, so he has no excuse.) During their otherwise rather dull conversation, Jean Paul explains that he retreated to Maljardin six months earlier because he had been stalked by the news media his entire life and wanted some privacy.

He asks Matt to come to Maljardin, which he assumes has to do with Holly and probably gets a little too excited (if you know what I mean) before Jean Paul disappoints him by refusing to tell until he promises to keep the real reason a secret. But Matt insists on knowing beforehand and is shocked when Jean Paul reveals that he wants him to hold a funeral for Erica “until the day she rises again and returns to me.” The Reverend decides to humor him, most likely because sailing to the island means seeing Holly again, and he leaves to pack.

Jean Paul is reminded once again that Jacques is slowly ruining his life. He may sit on the big, fancy wicker throne now, but soon enough, the handsome devil is bound to kick the throne out from under him.

After he’s gone, Vangie shows up and so does Dan, which pisses off Jean Paul. Dan confronts his boss about the signature that he left on those business documents back in Episode 4, and Jean Paul lies and claims that he signed Jacques’ name because he “didn’t like the deal.” Dan expresses his worries about both Alison (his fiancée, in case you have forgotten) and the warnings that Vangie gave him about Jacques’ return, which I think is when Jean Paul must realize that Jacques did something with the letter that Alison wrote to Dan that made Vangie concerned (although I doubt he knows what).

We cut to the Conjure Man chanting a spell about a “mild zephyr [that] shall conquer the mist” and a “cooling breeze.” But the spell is not effective, because look who just arrived at the party:

Jacques: “You’ve overstepped yourself, Dan. Go home; you’re not needed here.” *sips gin and tonic with affectedly bored expression*

Dan demands information about what is happening to Alison. Jacques refuses, saying, “That’s none of your business.”

"I am your business!” Dan shouts. “I thought you were mine."

"You presumed wrong!"

"Then let us end this business relationship.” (I see what you did there, Mr. Martin.) “What about Alison?"

“Alison is also no longer any of your business, either.”

“What do you mean?”

Jacques stands up, as though trying to intimidate him. “Get out of my life. And hers.” And he turns and begins to walk out.

“Take your job,” Dan shouts, “and I’ll take Alison!” Good luck taking her back while she’s Jacques’ prisoner detained guest.

“Don’t be a fool, Dan! You’ve worn out your welcome on Maljardin.” I didn’t know you could wear out your welcome before you even arrived.

“You won’t get rid of me that easily. I’m coming, too!” Quito stops him by holding stiff zombie fingers in his face.

Jacques grinning smugly while Quito keeps Dan from following them.

“It could be your last trip, Dan,” Jacques sneers and leaves Alison’s estranged and far less attractive fiancé behind to rant to Vangie about how he intends to find out WTF Jean Paul is hiding “even if [he has] to blow up his lousy island.” Meanwhile, Vangie reads her Tarot cards and reveals that the King of Coins is endangering Alison’s life.

“But who is he?”

What does this have to do with diegesis, you ask? Well, not much at this point, save that, if Dan could only hear Jacques’ minor-key leitmotif playing in the background right at this moment--that is to say, if the non-diegetic music were only diegetic--he would know exactly whom Vangie means.

Jacques cheerfully tearing up a letter after slicing it open with the world’s biggest letter opener.

Join us again on Friday for the funniest of this week’s bad subtitles, and then again next week for my review of Episode 16.

Coming up: Reverend Matt Dawson’s arrival on Maljardin makes shock-waves and Raxl receives an important message.

Notes

* For more information about diegesis (and where I first learned of the concept), see also Joel Schumacher’s Phantom of the Opera: A Video Essay by Lindsay Ellis. The video deals in part with diegetic vs. non-diegetic songs in musicals and why this doesn’t always translate well to live-action film. The segment on diegesis starts at 5:55.

** The author of the blog post I linked to cites Danny Horn of Dark Shadows Every Day (the direct inspiration for this blog) as their source for the origin of the term “backacting.” I can’t verify that Danny invented the term, but most of the few relevant results I was able to find on Google were from his blog, so it’s likely he did. On a random note, when you search “backacting ‘soap operas,’” one of the suggested searches is “dark shadows cat,” which I absolutely adore.

*** Dorothy Daniels, Strange Paradise (New York: Paperback Library, 1969), 66.

{ <-- Previous: Episode 14   ||    Next: Episode 16 --> }

[keepingupwithlinmanuel]

The Complete List of Lin-Manuel Miranda Projects

Where possible I have noted availability for purchase/viewing/listening. For future projects I’ve included as much detail as we have and I’ll keep updating the post when we have more. Cameos are listed separately at the end. If you think I’m missing anything, drop me a message/ask. 

This is a very long post because Lin works a lot, so I have saved your dashes and put the content behind a read more. Let’s go.

Freestyle Love Supreme (2003-)

What is it? Freestyle Love Supreme is an improv hip-hop comedy troupe started by Lin, Anthony Veneziale and Tommy Kail. It has had a long life playing clubs and comedy festivals all around the world and spawned a TV show in 2014. 

What did Lin do in it? Lin is one of the main MCs in the group.

How do I find it? For answers to all the FLS questions you’ve ever had, please see my incredibly comprehensive masterpost. The TV series is available for streaming if you have a Seeso subscription and can be purchased from iTunes/Amazon if you have US accounts.

In the Heights (2000, 2007, 2008, 2010)

What is it? In the Heights is a musical originally conceived, written and directed by Lin while a college sophomore. It was eventually developed into an Broadway show.

When was it on? Off-Broadway at the now defunct 37 Arts in 2007, on Broadway from 2008 to 2011. It had a US touring production from 2009 to 2011 and numerous authorized international productions since.

What did Lin do in it? He wrote the music and lyrics. He also starred as Usnavi in the entire off-Broadway production, the first year of the Broadway production and for the LA and Puerto Rico stops of the touring production.  

How do I find it? You can purchase the cast album wherever you buy music. It is also available on Spotify. If you want to see a production, there are plenty of regional/local productions running in the US, including the first authorized all-Spanish version in DC. Here are some clips from the Broadway production.

In the Heights: Chasing Broadway Dreams (2008)

What is it? Chasing Broadway Dreams is a fantastic documentary by PBS on the making of In the Heights. Handily it also contains performance excerpts from the show. 

How do I find it? Right here on Youtube.

Working (2008)

What is it? Working is a musical with a book by Nina Faso and Stephen Schwartz and music by a small group of composers that originally ran on Broadway in 1978. In the late 00s Schwartz put together a new version (known as the 2012 revised version), adding new songs and trimming characters. 

When was it on? The new version has had a bunch of regional productions and is about to debut in the UK (as at May 2017).

What did Lin do in it? He contributed two new songs, Delivery and A Very Good Day. The first is about his own experiences as a McDonalds delivery boy, and the second about an immigrant nanny and an elderly care worker.

How do I find it? You can go here to see Lin talk about writing the songs and there are some videos floating around Youtube from regional/local productions. The London production produced a cast recording which includes Lin’s new songs.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (with Karen Olivo) (2008)

What is it? A Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Junot Diaz about a nerdy Dominican boy growing up in New Jersey

What did Lin do in it? He read the UK version of the audiobook with Karen Olivo.

How do I find it? Amazon, Audiobook.com and an excerpt here.

West Side Story (2009)

What is it? The classic 1957 musical by Arthur Laurents, Leonard Bernstein, Stephen Sondheim and Jerome Robbins, recently revived by the surviving members of the original creative team (Sondheim and Laurents).

When was it on? The most recent Broadway revival opened in 2009 and closed in 2011.

What did Lin do in it? Lin was hired by the creative team to translate the dialogue spoken and lyrics sung by the Puerto Rican characters into Spanish. This included translating iconic songs such as I Feel Pretty, Tonight and A Boy Like That.

How do I find it? There’s a cast recording which is available for purchase and on Spotify. Here’s a sizzle reel of performance clips.

Sesame Street (2009-2013)

What is it? You know.

What did Lin do in it? Lin made his first appearance as the villainous Freddy Flapman in season 40 and also voiced a lamb (Lamb-Manuel, ahem) and performed the theme song of the Murray Has A Little Lamb segment. He composed the music for 5 songs in seasons 42-45, including “Rhymes with Mando”, which was nominated for a Day Time Emmy.

How do I find it? Should you wish to explore this aspect of Lin’s career, here is the segment with Freddy Flapman. Here is Lin as Lamb-Manuel. Here is the Emmy-nominated Rhymes With Mando and here’s a very familiar voice singing the Murray Has A Little Lamb theme.

The Electric Company (2009-2010)

What is it? Classic 1970s children’s TV series from PBS, revived in 2009 for 3 seasons.

When was it on? The revival produced 3 seasons which ran on PBS from 2009 to 2013. Members of Lin’s hip-hop comedy troupe Freestyle Love Supreme were heavily involved in the production as musical directors, cast members, composer/lyricists and guest stars.

What did Lin do in it? Lin wrote a number of songs and appeared on the show to perform them. He also appeared briefly as a character in season 2.

How do I find it? Here are all the songs and clips I can find:

Hard/soft 'c' Silent 'e' is a ninja Hard/soft 'g' Bossy 'r'

Here’s One Bad Apple parts 1 and 2. (A rap battle between an apple and Lin as a hot dog. Yep.)

Here’s a cute BTS segment with Shockwave and Lin.

House (2009-2010)

What is it? A medical drama that ran on Fox from 2004-2012.

What did Lin do in it? Lin guest-starred in season 6 episodes 1 and 21 as Juan “Alvie” Alvarez. 

How do I find it? On DVD, Bluray and streaming, if you are that way inclined. Here is a BTS interview about Lin’s return in which he refers to Alvie as “the other woman” who comes between House and Wilson.

Sad Sad Conversation (2010)

What is it? Hard to explain. Lemme quote from my own masterpost:  Sadsadconversation was an experimental Youtube vlog series started by the comedian Michael Ian Black and the actor Josh Malina in which a bunch of semi-famous people trying to make it in the entertainment industry posted videos of themselves, in MIB’s words, “bitching about our careers and how badly everything was going”. The videos gained an interactive element as the “cast” grew - the participants responding to each other’s videos and to comments below the line. It became a bit of a group therapy session between internet buddies.

When was it on? 2011-ish.

What did Lin do in it? Lin was invited by Josh Malina to join and participated enthusiastically for a while, although as the other founder Michael Ian Black later said, “you never really fit in because you’re never sad.“

How do I find it? I have helpfully compiled a masterpost of all Lin’s appearances for your viewing pleasure.

Vivo (2011-)

What is it? An animated movie musical about a “capuchin monkey with a thirst for adventure – and a passion for music – that makes a treacherous passage from Havana to Miami to fulfill his destiny”, originally developed by Dreamworks Animation.

When was it on? Good question. Lin started working on Vivo around 2010, only for the project to flounder in pre-production. It was picked up again by Sony in 2016 and is now slated for a 2020 release, with a script written by Lin’s good friend and frequent collaborator Quiara Alegria Hudes.

What did Lin do in it? He wrote all 11 of the songs.

How do I find it? In movie theaters in late 2020, if all goes well.

Tonys Awards Closing Number (2011)

What is it? The closing number of the 2011 Tony Awards, a patter verse written by Lin with the help of Tommy Kail which recapped the events of the ceremony itself.

What did Lin do in it? You can see Lin and Tommy writing the thing during the Tonys in this BTS video.

Modern Family (2011)

What is it? A comedy that’s been running on ABC since 2009.

What did Lin do in it? He guest-starred in episode 22 of season 2 as a dodgy salesman named Guillermo. My favourite thing about this whole deal is that he looked way too respectable so they had to give him a dodgy haircut and weird glasses.

How do I find it? On DVD, Bluray and streaming, if you are that way inclined.

Bring It On (2011-2012)

What is it? A musical very very loosely based on the movie of the same name, directed by In the Heights and Hamilton choreographer Andy Blankenbuehler, with a libretto by Jeff Whitty and music and lyrics by Tom Kitt and Amanda Green.

When was it on? Bring It On premiered in Atlanta in 2011 and toured the US before playing a limited engagement on Broadway in 2012.

What did Lin do in it? Lin wrote about half the music and lyrics in collaboration with Tom Kitt and Amanda Green.

How do I find it? There’s a cast recording which is available for purchase and on Spotify. Here is a sizzle reel of clips from the Broadway production. Here is Lin and a few cast alumni doing selections from It’s All Happening at Ham4Ham.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012)

What is it? A Disney fantasy comedy drama film starring Jennifer Garner.

What did Lin do in it? Lin played Reggie, a botanist who was old friends with Jennifer Garner’s character.

How do I find it? On DVD, Bluray and streaming, if you are that way inclined.

Merrily We Roll Along (2012)

What is it? A musical with music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim that was directed by Hal Prince. It opened in 1981 to disastrous reviews and closed after 16 performances.

When was it on? In 2012 Encores mounted a limited concert production incorporating significant revisions which ran in February of that year.

What did Lin do in it? Lin played one of the main characters, lyricist Charley, at the request of Stephen Sondheim.   

How do I find it? Miraculously, there’s a cast recording which is available for purchase and on Spotify. You can see some clips from this production here and here.

Tony Awards Opening/Closing Number (2013)

What is it? Lin teamed up with Tom Kitt to write “Bigger”, the opening number of the 2013 Tony Awards. He also repeated his 2011 trick with the closing number, but this time with a twist - he and Tommy rewrote Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys to fit the events of the evening as they happened. (“Bigger” was an enormous success and won Lin his Emmy.)

How do I find it? Here’s the opening and here’s the closing.

How I Met Your Mother (2013)

What is it? A sitcom that ran from 2005 to 2014 on CBS.

What did Lin do in it? He guest-starred in episode 11 of the final season as Gus, a fellow passenger on the bus with Marshall. (Fittingly, an episode written entirely in rhyme.)

How do I find it? On DVD, Bluray and streaming, if you are that way inclined. Here’s a small clip from Lin’s appearance.

Do No Harm (2013) 

[Don’t ask me why this photo is the way it is. Let’s just say it made the series look a lot more interesting than it actually was.]

What is it? A very short-lived medical drama that was cancelled by NBC after airing only two episodes due to horrific ratings. There were 13 episodes filmed.

What did Lin do in it? Lin played Dr. Ruben Marcado, a pharmacologist who is friends with the main character (played by Steve Pasquale). In his own words:

Do No Harm was like a writing residency for me. It was a bad NBC show and I was sixth on the call sheet and I took the job because I was like, it shoots in Philly and you’re going to be killed off in the 11th episode. So it was like signing a potential seven-year contract, which I was not interested in doing or going to L.A. I wanted to have time to write. I would have days free in Philly to write.

How do I find it? Should you wish to watch it, the show is available on NBC.com, Hulu and Amazon. Here’s a clip of Lin doing technobabble like he’s been in sci-fi all his life.

200 Cartas / Looking for Maria Sanchez (2013)

What is it? An indie romcom about a struggling Nuyorican comic book writer who falls in love at first sight with a woman named Maria Sanchez and goes on a journey to Puerto Rico to find her. Also starring former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres, and Jaime Camil.

When was it on? Limited release in 2013 in New York, Puerto Rico and the Philippines. The film also played a bunch of festivals.

What did Lin do in it? He played the main character, Raul.

How do I find it? It is available on DVD, although you will have trouble finding it. I have also heard that it is available on HBO Go and would appreciate confirmation. Here’s the trailer with English subtitles.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (2013)

What is it? An award-winning coming-of-age YA novel about queer Latinos set in Texas.

What did Lin do in it? He read the audiobook.

How do I find it? Here it is on Amazon, Audible and Audiobooks.com. Here is an excerpt of Lin reading it.

21 Chump Street (2014)

What is it? A 15-minute musical based on a true story reported by This American Life, starring Hamilton’s Anthony Ramos.

When was it on? One night only in 2014.

What did Lin do in it? He wrote the musical.

How do I find it? There’s a cast recording which is available for purchase. You can also buy the video of the live performance here. Here’s a taster of the first song. Warning: incredibly catchy.

…tick tick BOOM! (2014)

What is it? An autobiographical one-man musical by Jonathan Larson, adapted into a 3-actor piece after his death.

When was it on? Encores mounted a production starring Lin as Jon in June 2014 with the other parts played by Leslie Odom Jr and (at Lin’s invitation) Karen Olivo.

How do I find it? Unfortunately there is no cast recording. There are a bunch of clips on Youtube from the production though: here and here. And you want to watch this dress rehearsal video.

Hamilton (2015)

What is it? Hamilton: An American Musical began its off-Broadway run at the Public Theater in 2015 and moved to Broadway - you know what, if you’re here, I assume you know.

When was it on? On Broadway at the Richard Rodgers since 2015, in Chicago at the PrivateBank Theater since 2016, on tour in the US since 2017, and at the Victoria Palace Theatre in London starting in November 2017.

What did Lin do in it? He wrote the book, the music and the lyrics and co-arranged the music with Alex Lacamoire. He also starred as Hamilton during the off-Broadway production and the first year of the Broadway run, and in the #andpeggy company for the Puerto Rican stops on their tour.

How do I find it? See above. The cast album is available to purchase everywhere and on Spotify. Here are some clips from the off-Broadway and Broadway productions and from Chicago.

Ham4Ham (2015-2016)

What is it? In hindsight, difficult to explain. Ham4Ham was originally the name for the live Hamilton lottery outside the Richard Rodgers. Due to the number of people who showed up to the first one, Lin and Tommy Kail decided to do a little something for the waiting crowd. The frequency and medium of the performances varied over time and they’ve now stopped being a regularly scheduled thing but there are over 130 for you to enjoy in clip form. 

When was it on? The very first Ham4Ham took place before the first preview performance of Hamilton on Broadway. The very last featuring Lin was on the day of his last performance.

What did Lin do in it? He organised and hosted the majority of the Ham4Hams and performed in quite a lot of them.

How do I find it? I’m glad you asked. Here is a comprehensive masterpost for your viewing pleasure.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

What is it? Lin jokingly offered to write the cantina music for Force Awakens when he met JJ Abrams in 2015 and JJ Abrams took him up on it. (He did not tell the Moana people that he’d taken on yet another gig while he was starring in Hamilton and writing songs for Moana.) The song, as described by the Star Wars Wiki:

A lyrical song performed in Huttese, "Jabba Flow" was named after Jabba Desilijic Tiure, a Hutt crime lord. It's opening verse began by repeating "Oh, Jabba," followed by a repeated "No bata tu tu, muni, muni," which roughly translated as "No, lover, lover. It wasn't me," in Galactic Basic. The song featured mellow instrumentals, which included a hypolliope horn cluster, a seven-string hallikset, and a xyloxan.

What did Lin do in it? Lin co-wrote the song and sings on it.

How do I find it? The track is available for purchase and on Spotify. There’s also a Rick Rubin remix. Here’s Lin and JJ performing it on Star Wars Day.

Hamilton: the Revolution (2016)

What is it? Hamilton: The Revolution (aka the Hamiltome) contains both an annotated libretto of Hamilton and a moving, engaging account of the making of the show written by Lin’s good friend Jeremy McCarter.

What did Lin do in it? He contributed the annotations (which are not the same as the ones on Genius) and read them in the audiobook.

How do I find it? There is an ebook but I don’t recommend it. (This is a gorgeous book and the ebook doesn’t do it justice at all.) The actual book can be bought wherever you buy books. Here’s the audiobook.

Drunk History (2016)

What is it? A comedy series produced by Comedy Central which features comedians getting sloshed and retelling historical events, and having that retelling simultaneously re-enacted by other famous people.

What did Lin do in it? Unusually, the show devoted the entirety of season 4 episode 9 to Lin telling the story of Alexander Hamilton, being hyperverbal and giggly, singing loudly and drunk dialing people.

How do I find it? You can find the episode on DVD and via various streaming sites. Here are some clips from the episode.

Saturday Night Live (2016)

What is it? An American institution. For fellow non-US people, SNL is a late night TV sketch comedy/variety show which features a different celebrity guest host every episode.

When was it on? Lin hosted the second episode of season 42 which aired in October 2016. His opening monologue, which was built off My Shot from Hamilton and written the night before the show by him with the help of some of the SNL writers, went viral both because of its virtuosity and because it directly attacked one of the presidential candidates. Other notable sketches included one about Stranger Things, a sketch about a Latino immigrant which was almost entirely in Spanish, and an ode to high school cast parties.

How do I find it? If you are in the US you can watch the sketches and opening on NBC’s Youtube channel. I believe the episodes themselves are available for purchase on iTunes. The ode to high school cast parties is also available for purchase as a single.

Hamilton’s America (2016)

What is it? A movie-length documentary about the making of Hamilton and about Hamilton the man, featuring performance footage and interviews with everyone from Obama to Nas.

When was it on? Hamilton’s America premiered at the New York Film Festival and then on PBS in October 2016.

What did Lin do in it? He was one of the producers, featured heavily in the documentary as a performer and interview subject, and conducted some of the interviews in the film. 

How do I find it? If you are in the US you can stream it on PBS’ website. Otherwise here are a bunch of clips on YT.

Moana (2016)

What is it? A Disney animated movie musical set in the South Pacific and starring Pasifika/Maori actors in all the speaking roles.

What did Lin do in it? He co-wrote the music with Mark Mancina and Opetaia Foa’i and performs on the track We Know the Way.

How do I find it? The movie’s out on DVD, Bluray and streaming and as someone from that region I really do wholeheartedly recommend it. The soundtrack can be purchased wherever you buy music and it’s also on Spotify.

The Hamilton Mixtape (2016)/#hamildrops (2018)

What is it? A collection of demos, remixes and songs inspired by Hamilton, some with music videos.

What did Lin do in it? He co-produced the album, organised artists and basically oversaw the whole operation. He also contributed some unpublished Hamilton demos and a deeply personal verse to the track Wrote My Way Out. He performs on Found/Tonight and Cheering For Me Now.

How do I find it? The album can be purchased wherever you buy music and it’s also on Spotify. Here is a link to the Hamildrops.

Ducktales (2017-)

What is it? Reboot of the 80s animated series with an all-star voice cast.

What does Lin do in it? Lin plays Gizmoduck, aka Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera — a superhero who protects Duckburg, but also spends his days as an intern for Scrooge McDuck’s personal mad scientist, Gyro Gearloose.

How do I find it? It airs on Disney XD/Disney channel.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2017)

What is it? HBO comedy starring Larry David.

What did Lin do in it? He guest-starred in 2 episodes of season 9 as an AU mean version of himself, complete with America Ferrera playing Vanessa.

How do I find it? On DVD, Bluray and streaming, if you are that way inclined. 

Gmorning, Gnight! (2018)

What is it? Collection of Lin’s good morning / good night tweets, illustrated by Jonny Sun.

How do I find it? Available in all the usual places books are sold. Also available as an audiobook read by Lin. 

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

What is it? A Disney musical fantasy comedy film directed by Rob Marshall adapting more of P L Travers’ Mary Poppins books. (So it’s a sequel to the 1964 classic, not a remake.) The film stars Emily Blunt, Meryl Streep, Ben Whishaw, Emily Mortimer, Angela Lansbury and Colin Firth.

When does it come out? It is schedule for release on 25 December 2018.

What does Lin do in it? Lin plays Jack the lamplighter, a friend of Mary’s. He’s doing a lot of singing and dancing.

His Dark Materials (2019)

What is it? BBC/HBO adaption of the beloved Phillip Pullman trilogy with an all star cast and crew. Already renewed for a second season.

When does it come out? No idea at this stage. Season 1 was filmed in Wales in 2018.

What does Lin do in it? Lin plays the balloonist Lee Scoresby.

Fosse/Verdon (2019)

What is it? Limited series about the famous choreographer and his muse.

When does it come out? No idea at this stage.

What does Lin do in it? He is executive producer. The rest of the Hamilton Cabinet are also heavily involved.

In the Heights (2020)

What is it? The long-awaited movie adaption of Lin and Quiara’s show, directed by Jon M Chu.

When does it come out? June 26, 2020!!!

What does Lin do in it? Lin is co-producing and might possibly write a few new songs. (I say this because he wrote extra music the last time the movie was in development back in 2010.) He has the last word on casting.

Kingkiller Chronicle (?)

What is it? A series of fantasy novels by Pat Rothfuss which are being adapted into films and a TV series. John Rogers has been announced as showrunner for the latter.

When does it come out? No idea at this stage.

What does Lin do in it? Lin is the “creative producer” of the whole enterprise alongside Pat Rothfuss and will be in charge of writing all the music. Rothfuss has expressed a desire for Lin to also be involved as an actor. 

The Little Mermaid (?)

What is it? Disney’s live-action remake of the classic animated film. 

When does it come out? No idea at this stage.

What does Lin do in it? He’s not quite sure himself, although Alan Menken is going around telling everyone that he and Lin will be writing new songs for the movie. The rest is all rumour-mill stuff.

Tick Tick...Boom (?)

What is it? A film adaption of the musical by Jonathan Larson (the one Lin starred in a production of in 2014).

When does it come out? No idea. Filming hasn’t even started yet.

What does Lin do in it? This will be his directing debut!

Cameos and guest appearances:

The Sopranos (2007)

Legally Brown: the Search for the Next Piragua Guy (2008)

The Polar Bears (2012)

Submissions Only (2012)

Smash (2013)

Studio Heads (2014)

Inside Amy Schumer (2016)

Difficult People (2016)

Love Make The World Go Around (2016) (and video)

Speech & Debate (2017)

My Brother My Brother & Me (2017)

Residente (2017)

BoJack Horseman (2017) 

Bartlett (2018)

[365days365movies]

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (2015) (Part 1)

The list of movies I’ve seen is a little...limited.

And I mean in general, not just this month. Now, don’t get me wrong: I’ve seen a FUCKTON of movies, to say it lightly. But in terms of the diversity of films I’ve seen...it could use some updating, I’m not gonna lie. So, because of that, I haven’t seen too many LGBT focused films, which is one of the reasons I wanted to add them this month. 

So I REALLY haven’t seen films that prominently feature transgender people, and Ace Ventura pretty obviously shouldn’t count for various reasons. But I have seen one major one, which I think has been recently somewhat forgotten. Which is a shame, because I actually really liked it!

Tangerine, directed by Sean Baker, is a comedy drama film about two transgender women who are sex workers on the Hollywood strip, and it’s a look at a few days in their lives. It’s all shot on an iPhone camera (yes, really), and yeah, I really did like this movie! Saw it in theaters in early 2015, when it came out, and around the time I was starting to diversify my tastes, movie-wise.

Look, all of this is me saying that this project of mine is an attempt to watch more films, and to expose myself to new and different perspectives. So, even though this is the only transgender-related film on my list (yeah, sorry about that), there will be more in the future, I promise. If you have any good ones that fit into other genres, and that I should’ve seen by now, let me know! I’m definitely interested. Anyway, with that said: The Danish Girl.

Directed by Tom Hooper, who...wait. Tom Hooper? Like, this guy?

Neat! That movie wasn’t bad, as musical adaptations go. Had its issues, but for Hooper’s biggest and most recent musical, that’s a good staAAAAAAAAH

OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT CATS

...Ahem. Well, other than that movie that I saw in theaters NOT A JOKE I SWEAR TO GOD, Hooper’s 2015 biographical film about real-life transgender person Lili Elbe made quite the critical smash when it came out, and was considered (and won) several awards, including some Oscars. So, I’m looking forward to seeing this one! As long as there’s no James Corden and Rebel Wilson in it...or the mice...

...

...SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Einar Wegener (Eddie Redmayne) is a newly successful landscape artist in Copenhagen, in 1926. His wife, Gerda Wegener (Alicia Wegener), is a portrait painter, although obviously a bit stifled by gender politics of the time. The two are pretty obviously very much in love.

Einar goes to visit Ulla Paulson (Amber Heard, and we’re not gonna get into THAT massive-ass controversy, NO SIIIIIIIIR), a ballerina and a prospective godmother to any future children. 

At a portrait painting with a seemingly VERY uncomfortable gentleman, Gerda does some musing on the female gaze vs. the male gaze, and dude is FRAZZLED. Also some talk about submission going on there, so THAT’S interesting. These portraits are viewed by a gallery owner, Rasmussen (Adrian Schiller), who believes that portraits aren’t her forte, and she needs to find another subject matter.

That makes her understandably upset, and she takes it out on Einar when she comes home. This is made far worse by the fact that the two are trying to get pregnant, but that doesn’t seem to be working either. Despite this, she asks for Einar’s help with a portrait of Ulla, and needs him to put on her stockings, shoes, and dress in order to pose for the painting. And that’s when the first realization hits.

As he starts to realize something (which he obviously can’t quite place), Ulla arrives and hands him a bouquet of flowers, joking that they’ll call her “Lily.” He brushes this aside...mostly, I assume. That night, Einar comments on Ulla’s new night garments, and the two embrace lovingly. Still, though, you can tell that Einar’s percolating.

At a party that Ulla’s throwing, there’s a mostly ironic discussion about Gerda dressing provocatively by showing off her ankles. And yeah, it’s meant to be a joke, but the fact that they’re making a joke in this movie that I would 100% make in real life is so delightfully meta to me, and I love it.

That night, after some more sexy, sexy ankle talk, and THAT leads to the revelation that Einar is wearing the new undergarments of Gerda’s. And, to my EVERLASTING surprise and delight, Gerda’s TOTALLY COOL with this, and the two make love. Afterwards, Gerda draws Einar in a more feminine state, which Einar quite likes.

Two two speak about another upcoming party, Ulla’s Artist’s Ball, to which Einar doesn’t want to attend, as...they...feel like they’re forced to perform as themselves. Gerda half-jokes about going as someone else, and while that’s not really an option they’re considering, the two do begin to craft a separate female identity for Einar, with makeup and clothes, as well as lessons on more feminine behaviors.

Einar, as Lili, accompanies Gerda to the Artist’s Ball. It’s very awkward at first, but that changes with the introduction of Henrik Sandahl (Ben Whishaw), who’s immediately attracted to...well, “Lili.” I’ll explain the quotes in a minute, I PROMISE. “Lili” first rejects his advances, but then...HOLY SHIT, they kiss. And Gerda sees this, and it understandably goddamn upset.

The next day, the fallout comes, and Gerda and Einar have a discussion about the kiss, and Gerda says that Lili shouldn’t “visit” anymore. However, Einar’s not as certain of that even being a possibility.

That seems to be further confirmed by the obvious strain Einar is feeling afterwards, and in a frantic rush, he heads to a studio that they use and looks at himself in the mirror. And as Einar examines himself in the mirror...I think this is the right time to explain the quotes from earlier.

See, here’s the thing: up until this point, both Gerda and Einar thought of this as a lark and a curiosity, respectively. But now, in the mirror, Einar’s realized that it’s something far more than that, as has Gerda. And it’s at this point that it’s time to switch names and pronouns, at least to they/them. Because up until now, I don’t believe that they truly understood themselves.

And now they’re starting to. Hasn’t outright said it, yet, but the mirror scene seems to cement it for me. In the meantime, Gerda also seems to realize it, subconsciously at least, as she completes one of the portraits that she drew of Lili. She brings this to the art dealer from earlier, and he surprisingly takes it!

But Lili’s doing something...less than totally OK, as she goes to meet Henrik, who continues to show attraction towards her. A self-confessed romantic, he happily lets her into his place, but I’m not certain whether or not he’s aware of the full situation.

Whether he is or isn’t, it doesn’t quite matter, as he wants to go further in their relationship physically, with Lili is NOT ready for. She goes home, where Gerda finds her, surprised. Lily admits everything, and while knowledge of the affair hurts Gerda significantly (GODDAMN IT MOVIES STOP THE INFIDELITY), another revelation emerges which is more important.

See, Lili and Einar seem to be dissociating, as Einar is now assigning Lili’s feelings to a separate person, and is essentially dissociating. These feelings include a past childhood kiss shared with a boy names Hans, which are now associated with Lili. But as all of this is coming to light, Einar suddenly collapses.

Einar goes to see a doctor, Jens Hexler (Pip Torrens), who believes that it’s all caused by a chemical imbalance, and decides to treat it with...radiation. That...that can’t have actually been a treatment for “chemical imbalance”, right? I mean, it’s certainly fitting with the time, but this would DEFINITELY make hormone problems and infertility WORSE, not better.

But despite this, Einar and Gerda go through with this (almost certainly didn’t happen) treatment, after which Einar says that the doctor “hurt Lili.” Deemed unsuccessful, the doctor calls Einar insane, and leaves them and Gerda, who are both upset. And that’s not made better by the fact that the doctor has reported them, and someone will take Einar to the asylum...unless they leave.

Good thing, then, that Gerda’s been asked to exhibit the paintings of Lili in Paris! They get the FUCK out of Copenhagen, and head to Paris. But with all of this, Einar’s beginning to unravel, losing even the painting side of themselves, as their relationship with Gerda also begins to change.

And I think that it’s at a Paris peepshow that Einar officially assumes the role of Lili in her own mind. So, I’m going to end the first part with the following statement:

Her name is Lili, and I’ll be referring to her as she/her from here on out. See you in Part 2!

[onlyfools-fall-foryou]

Same thing, wrote for magazine but never got published. The Luhrmann article.

BAZ LUHRMANNNNNNNNN.

Just a lil background: I discovered /Romeo + Juliet (1996)/ when I was going through my Leonardo DiCaprio phase in 2012 or 2013. Wee little I, who had yet to discover how to t*rr*nt movies, would desperately look up clips from his movies on Youtube. The few actual clips that I found (most of the /R+J/ related videos on Youtube are edits with the central love theme or some other artsy love song playing in the background) were of the bathroom/elevator scene or the last scene in the chapel. (Unrelated: a couple days ago I saw something related to the chapel scene and had a dream of marrying Rose Byrne. It was wild. Moving on.) 12 year old me couldn’t stop watching the chapel scene over and over and over again. This may have something to do with Leonardo DiCaprio’s breathtakingly smoldering gaze and delicate jaw structure as he’s slowly walking up, but it also had to do with everything else. Anyone who’s seen the chapel scene knows what I’m talking about. The music that is desperate and calmy tragic but not forcefully building up, the warm yellow candlelight around them a contrast to the harsh blue neon lights, the moment we see Juliet’s eyes open and we’re like ‘Yes!! Now all you have to do is nudge him! Just!! One!! Nudge!!!’ (My heartbeat just sped up a little writing that. Whoo that scene gets my sympathetic nervous system going.) Of course, not to mention the brilliant acting but this isn’t the time or place to discuss that. We know Juliet isn’t going to stop Romeo in time, but the movie still makes us scream in frustration. (Just!!!! One!!!! Nudge!!!)

At the time, I didn’t know anything about directors and frankly, how they could ever considering putting their names in front of the actors’ names in the roll credits when clearly the actors were the ones who did all the work. (I was 12.) Later on, I realized there was so much a director does other than tell the actors when to start and end.

Just going to put this out there, Baz Luhrman’s life is art. His Wikipedia page makes me emotional. His parents were involved in dance and film and he performed theater in school. In college, he met his wife (Catherine Martin, who is also amazing. She has like five Oscars just from costume and set designing!!) whom he works together with on every single project. (They’re the ultimate power couple.) Everything he’s directed (and she’s costume-designed) has like at least 5 awards.

/But why haven’t I ever heard of him?/ The reasons for that are: He’s Australian. He does stage more than screen. He’s only made five movies in total (all of them very well-known), from 1992~2001, 2008, and 2013, which is why wee young millennials don’t really know about him. (I’m not making a generalization here, just that most of my millennial peers don’t really know about movies made prior to 2000 excluding Star Wars and Indiana Jones.) He doesn’t make movies to target the general mass. By general mass, I mean little kids and little kids’ parents. And by little kids I also mean teenagers. I need more peers to talk to about his brilliance, which is why I am roping all y’all in with me.

When Baz uses these well-known stories with famous, obvious endings, he has this amazing ability to make you forget what the whole story was about, like /Romeo + Juliet/ and /The Great Gatsby/. In movies that don’t have a highly publicized ending, like /Moulin Rouge!/, he gives you the ending. The opening scene is literally the main character typing away at his typewriter as he declares: ‘My lover, Satine, is dead.’ It’s not even a spoiler. That’s the opening scene. That leaves you sort of shocked and frankly, offended. What movie starts off by telling you one half of the two main characters are going to die? You scoff at the director for being so stupid and continue to watch. As you watch a narcoleptic Argentinian fall through the ceiling and the cast made up of said Argentinian, a dwarf dressed as a nun, a heavily made-up Faramir, two musicians dressed like pilgrims, and the main character perform a wildly disorganized version of “The Sound of Music,” your mind has shifted to ‘Hah, what was the director thinking’ to ‘This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in my life. How did they even get the copyright?’ and when Satine, the goddess, is introduced in an also wild and ridiculous rendition of “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend,’ you have completely forgotten the fact that she will have to meet a tragic demise.

Got a little carried away there, /Moulin Rouge/ is one of my favorite movies and talking about the hectic opening scene gets me hyped up.

I could go on for days about Baz and his comical intros and his transitions and how all his films are similar to each other and how all the characters have archetypes and how he uses symbolism and foreshadowing and the parallels (the Parallels!) but I’ll keep that to myself and Tumblr. (I have a document on my laptop titled “Baz Luhrmann: The Ultimate Sadist.” Come talk to me if you wanna see it.) The second portion of this article will be about /The Get Down./

I was actually writing about /The Get Down/ and a couple Luhrmann movies on my summer to-do list article, but I accidentally wrote like a page’s worth of Luhrmann praise and decided to make it a separate article.

Baz Luhrmann and Pulitzer Award-winning Stephen Adly Guirgis (his twitter gives me life) teamed up with some rappers who were active during the creation of hip hop to create /The Get Down./

The first thought you may have is, what is the get down? What is a get down? It’s not properly explained until a couple episodes in, but apparently it’s the part of a song in between verses where there’s a good, strong beat. Think of a non-rap song with a good, strong beat. I’m gonna think of “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees, the one used in Sherlock, and around the 3 minute mark, there’s a short drum solo bit. DJs in the 70s would take two records of a song, find that spot, and play just that part alternating the records on a turntable. The beat would be infinite and an MC would rhyme over it. Grandmaster Flash coined the term ‘the get down’ and now there’s a show named after it.

In 1977, DJs, dancers, wordsmiths (rappers), and graffiti artists were putting together the urban subculture of hip hop. The show is placed right in the middle of all of it, in Bronx, NY. The story is centered around Zeke and his friends, his struggle to become someone in a white world, keep his music going, and get his girl. We also alternately get a present-day Zeke performing to a crowd, played by a Nas-dubbed Daveed Diggs, occasionally doing recaps and foreshadowings. There’s minimal death considering this is Baz Luhrmann-made. Ezekiel “Zeke” “Mr. Books” Figuero: The Wordsmith. Lil pouty fluffy boy with questionable sideburns and the world’s worst pencil grip, that boy’s gonna get carpal tunnel like yesterday. In love with the pastor’s daughter, Mylene. Is a genius with words. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Mylene Cruz: the butterscotch princess with the big disco dream and the voice of an angel. Her father doesn’t let her sing the “devil’s music.” Has two great girlfriends, Yolanda and Regina, who sing backup. Shaolin Fantastic: Not Asian. Drug dealer/graffiti artist/DJ whose true passion is to DJ like his idol, Grandmaster Flash. Super extra. His red pumas are always spotless. Problematic. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Marcus “Dizzee” Kipling: Graffiti artist who goes by the name of Rumi 411, who also happens to be Dizzee’s top hat wearing alien alter ego. The most artistic out of all of them, often misunderstood. Has a preference to people named “Thor.” Has the fluffiest hair of them all. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Ronald “Ra-Ra” Kipling: The oracle, the guru, the all seeing eye. Has the most morality and voice of reason out of all of them. Constantly makes Star Wars references. Can rap really fast. Looks out for all his brothers, including Zeke and Shao. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Miles “Boo-Boo” Kipling: Sings like the Jackson 5. Breaks out into dance whenever he can. Also problematic. Always sings that he gets all the ladies but can’t actually. Youngest but loudest. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Francisco “Papa Fuerte” Cruz: Mylene’s uncle. Also sort of everyone’s uncle. Has all the power and genuinely cares about his people in the Bronx, trying to get them homes and opportunities.

Part 2 gets a little trippier with the introduction of angel dust, aka PCP. Kids, don’t ever do hard drugs. If you’re interested in hip hop, music, poetry, bromance, sweet teen romance, vibrant cinematography, and beautiful brown babies, (*whispers*) you should watch.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #144 - Coraline

Spoilers below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) Director Henry Selick is probably best known for his work as director on The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I personally think (and this may be considered blasphemy) that Coraline is his magnum opus. More on that coming up.

2) In both horror and animation, a well done score can boost the tone of the film remarkably. And composer Bruno Coulais is able to turn in a score notable for its subtlety and tone boosting. It is able to be ominous, child like, fantastical, and creepy all at the same time. That is actually a perfect way of describing this film.

3) Animation fans with eagle eyes will notice that the movers in the beginning in the film are the “Ranft Brothers”. Joe Ranft was a legendary animator, known mostly for his work at Pixar until his tragic death. His brother is a noteworthy animator too, Jerome Ranft. The movers are animated in the likenesses of the brothers (you even get a glance at a name tag reading “Jerome”), with Joe being the mover who gets the crummy tip and Jerome Ranft voicing his counterpart.

4) Dakota Fanning as Coraline Jones.

Coraline is not your typical animated heroine, which is exactly why she is such an amazing character. She’s a bit of a snot actually. She’s bratty, shown to be mean, overdramatic, sarcastic, winey, and it is all amazing! Because she’s not ONLY those things! She’s also fun, intelligent, clever, imaginative and adventurous. For most of the film she is at odds with her parents but she risks her film for them because, well, they’re her parents! The best way to describe Coraline is as a kid. An honest portrayal of a kid! Not totally one thing or another and not nearly as oblivious as some people may expect. Dakota Fanning (who was attached to the role when the film was meant to be live action even) is perfect in the part, able to portray all of Coraline’s qualities with wonderful ease while totally losing herself in the role. Coraline is the title character which means we - as the audience - NEED to be invested in her for this film to be any good. And the filmmakers did an excellent job making sure we were just that: invested.

5)

Coraline [after seeing The Cat]: “Not talking, huh?”

6) This film is a little more adult than your typical animated fare, something which is established pretty early when Coraline refers to Wybie as her stalker. It is a decision in tone and content which works wonderfully for the film.

7) Wybie.

We don’t get to see much of Wybie in the film. Well, that’s not entirely true. We don’t get to see much of Wybie compared to CORALINE, who is the lead and is therefore in every scene except for the one that plays during the opening credits. But in the time we see him it is very clear that this is the neighborhood weird kid. And it’s done accurately too! He’s not the butt of any joke, he’s not someone who’s supposed to be a creep or a plot device. Just like Coraline, he’s an honest representation of the kids out in the world who are sort of strange.

8) Dang, Coraline can be mean!

Coraline [after someone calls for Wyborne ‘Wybie’s’ name]: “Oh I definitely heard someone, Why Were You Born.”

Like, sure the dude is sorta weird, but he’s been pretty nice so far. But that’s part of Coraline’s character, and we see that side of her go on a bit of a transformation throughout the film.

9) Film is first and foremost a visual way of storytelling and animation can do that better than live action can if done right. Through animation you are able to portray the character of things (not just your characters but places and items) through design. Through your visuals. Take this film for example: the real world is marked by a more subdued color palette and look. Everything - including Coraline’s parents - look grey, tired, and worn down. Something which creates an immediate visual conflict through Coraline, who from the very start gives off these incredible vibrant and lively colors. It is a visual conflict which is reflective of a textual one that works wonders for the film.

10) It would have been easy to make Coraline a total brat and her parents good parents who try their hardest, but Mom and Dad aren’t perfect either. Mom particularly shows us where Coraline got her attitude, sarcasm, and occasional brattiness from (and I know “brat” has negative connotations to it but I love Coraline so when I call her a “brat” I’m doing so with love because that trait is something I think is a great writing decision for her character). It also gets to the idea that a friend of mine told me once: parents are just kids who have kids. Parents don’t know what they’re doing when they have kids, they’re making it up as they go along. Which means they’re not perfect. They can get tired and impatient and mean too, and showing that in this film continues its honesty streak. That honesty - in relationships in characters - is what helps make it so great.

11) I can’t IMAGINE what animating the tunnel sequence was like.

I mean stop motion animation is moving something a tiny bit, then taking a picture. And you repeat that process over and over again with puppets until you have a moving image like this one. So the tunnel on its own - with the lighting and the fabric - must have been a pain to animate. But then Coraline walking through it? And jostling it around, but the animators have to make sure that jostling is perfect in every frame? I do NOT have the patience for stop motion animation, I tell you. Or the fingers. I don’t have delicate fingers.

12) The Other World.

Going with the idea of visual conflict, there is immediately more of a peace between Coraline’s vibrant colors and the creative rainbow like Other World she finds herself in. This resolves most of the visual conflict ON THE SURFACE, but everywhere there are these black buttons. These little dark specs that just liter the world in hard to see places, things which can easily get lost in the magic of it all but are always there. Hiding in plain sight.

The Other World - both in its dream and nightmare phases - show off Selick’s wild imagination. The best animation directors have a penchant for imaginative visuals, using the medium to do things live action couldn’t (something I observed in my The Book of Life post back in November). Selick as not only animator but production designer on this film is able to create some wonderful and memorable images of dream like fantasy which makes the transition to nightmarish scenes in the back half of the film all the more powerful. It is truly wonderful.

13) According to IMDb:

The band They Might Be Giants wrote 10 songs for the movie, but a change in tone from a musical to a darker production meant that all but one was cut; a scene in which Coraline's other father sings along with a piano features John Linnell's voice. The band has said they will release the other songs created for the movie in other projects, including albums.

14) It is worth noting that the initial dinner Coraline has with her Other Parents is more of a Norman Rockwell, classic/idyllic image than her dinner at home (in both the food served and the look of the place). This relates to the film’s almost critique (I say almost because I do not know if it was intended, but it very well could have been) on expectations vs reality. How we have let certain fantasies shape our expectations in the real world and if we find something that fits those expectations perfectly it’s probably a lie.

15) Teri Hatcher shines in this film, particularly as Other Mother. There are three sort of phases to her performance as Other Mother which I will discuss individually as they occur. The first of these is the initial encounter with Other Mother. The sweet sing-song tones filled with love and warmth which can trick someone into thinking its honesty but when you listen there is DEFINITELY something false about it. A faux kindness which can catch you off guard. No one is really that kind, that nice. That’s the face you put on for company when it’s over and not one you can sustain forever.

16) Ian McShane as Mr. Bobinsky.

I observed in my recap for the Selick directed The Nightmare Before Christmas that the film was able to create unique characterizations within seconds of introducing us to said characters which lasted consistently throughout the rest of the film. In this film - especially with Coraline’s neighbors - the same holds true. We are able to get a sense of what kind of fun weirdo Mr. Bobinsky is within seconds of meeting him, someone who’s a bit of a nut but also a generally nice guy, and that lasts through the end of the film. Ian McShane does a wonderful job as Bobinsky and out of the three neighbors (Bobinksy and the two actresses), Bobinsky is my personal favorite.

It is also worth observing Bobinsky’s character design here. As I said before, animation tells you a lot through its visuals about a character. Small elements in Bobinsky’s design make him a bit more human than say your average Prince Charming or seven dwarfs. The ratty shirt, the unkempt body hair, the big gut. All of it gives Bobinsky not only a sense of character but a sense of realism, as life is not always as pretty as we expect. This plays DIRECTLY into Other Bobinsky’s appearances, notably how he is better dressed AND his torso is upside down. Instead of having a large stomach, he has a large chest suggesting strength. THAT is your fairytale version of Bobinsky right there and - like everything else in the Other World - it’s a lie.

17) Similarly, the two actress neighbors of Miriam Forcible and April Spink are established as weird but lovable dog ladies as soon as we meet them.

I mentioned before how this film plays with the ideas of expectations vs reality, and that becomes pretty clear after we meet Coraline’s neighbors. This is not some fairytale for Coraline. In a fairytale Mr. Bobinsky would run an incredible jumping mouse circus, not be a vaguely crazy man trying to create a jumping mouse circus (I say with love). And the pair of Miriam and April would be elegant world famous actresses, not two washed up has-beens (I say with love). But you know what? This is EXACTLY what they are in the Other World! The fairytale versions of themselves that is meant to be exactly what Coraline wants. And just like the change in design for Bobinsky in the Other World, Miriam and April get similar beautifications.

Now they’re as pretty as any fairytale princess with a waistline to match, because that’s the “better” version of this isn’t it? Except it’s not real. It’s a lie, meant to entrap you and keep you from having a good REAL life. I sort of love that about this film.

18)

Coraline [after Other Mother asks her to get her father]: “You mean my other father?”

Other Mother: “You’re better father, dear.”

Red flag! Red flag! That’s a creepy thing to say Other Mother! (It is also here when we start noticing the fakeness of Other Mother’s nice voice.)

19) I keep mentioning how you can detect a slight hint of fakeness in Other Mother’s face. The hint is not so slight in Other Father’s voice. There’s nothing real there, nothing honest. Just fake honey that’s meant to entice Coraline. And I think that’s because Other Mother is the mastermind and she’s making Other Father BE like that. It’s a nice choice on the part of the filmmakers and actor John Hodgman I think.

20)

Other Mother [about Other ‘Silent’ Wybie]: “I thought you’d like him more if he spoke a little less. So I fixed him.”

If anyone says they “fixed” a person, turn around and run like crazy away. That’s creepy.

21) Hmm, wonder which of her parents Coraline takes after...

Mom: “I did not call [Mr. Bobinsky] crazy, Coraline. He’s drunk.”

22) The. Freaking. CAT!!!!

Can I just say first and foremost: I love Keith David. Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog is my favorite Disney villain of all time in no small part because of Keith David’s voice over work as the character. And his role as The Cat is just as good. I love The Cat, which is saying a lot because I’m a dog person. David is able to work with the writing and make the character both wise and mischievous but in a unique, dark, sarcastic way. He’s also the first hint of trouble and the only character other than Coraline to travel between worlds. The animators do an excellent job making sure The Cat’s characterization is clear and consistent, even when he can’t speak in the real world. He’s an excellent addition to the film and a wonderful companion to our hero.

23) Everything gets real freaky real fast.

Right after Other Mother asks to put buttons in Coraline’s eyes (or, more accurately, REPLACE her eyes with buttons) this film turns into a horror film. Full on Stephen King, Poltergeist, “Stranger Things” horror! (Not that I’ve seen or read any of those things because I scare too easily.) And it is born not from jump scares or gore but from tone. The atmosphere becomes notably chilly and ominous and everything just becomes so FREAKY. THAT is why I think this is Henry Selick’s magnum opus. Because he can be as scary as he want to be!

24) For me, one of the most powerful scenes in the movie is when Coraline walks around Other World.

The simple decision to have her walk through a white abyss then find herself back in the Other World the Other Mother created just really works for me. It’s a simple yet elegant concept.

25) Other Mother’s truer form (her true form comes later).

This is when Teri Hatcher and Other Mother start really shining as villains. There is still an attempt to be motherly, to be warm, but the creepy factor is turned up. There’s a sick playfulness there at times as well as terrifying anger. But this form is most marked by the cold reservedness. The chilling tones the Other Mother uses when taking to Coraline about the game they’re going to play. It’s crazy freaky and I love it for that!

26) There is no scene quite as haunting or quite as sad as when Coraline talks with the ghost kids.

Through its use of haunting visuals, eerie sound design, excellent writing, and top notch voice acting from the child actors, this one scene tells you perfectly what exactly the stakes are for this film. What exactly will happen to Coraline if she can’t succeed. And it’s terrifying.

27) I did not remember this line from before and the way Coraline describes the ghost kids to Wybie had me laughing my butt off.

Coraline [about the doll]: “It used to look like this pioneer girl, then Huck Finn Junior, then this ‘Little Rascals’ chick with hair ribbons...”

I don’t know why, but something about hearing her call the kid, “Huck Finn Junior,” is just wildly funny to me.

28) The entire idea of the eyes of the dead children being hidden in the “three wonders” Other Mother crafted for Coraline is not only an excellent way of juxtaposing some of the dream like imagery from earlier with its now nightmarish quality, but it also gives plot relevance to scenes which could have easily just been entertaining and excellent eye candy (Bobinsky’s circus, the garden, and the theater scene). It helps push the writing of this film from good to great.

29) So Coraline thinks she has lost her game with Other Mother and she’s going to end up like the ghost children, when a dead rat with the last eye falls in front of her and The Cat shows up.

The Cat: “I think I’ve mentioned that I don’t like rats at the best of times.”

Coraline: “You may have mentioned it.”

I love these guys.

30) Can we just take a second to appreciate how incredibly frightening Other Mother’s true form is?

Teri Hatcher gets to totally let lose as an actress with this final form of the Other Mother. There’s no more fake niceness, no more hiding, no more tricks. Just sheer, terrifying villainy in all its glory. It’s so creepy and evil and I love it!

31) If you’re ever in a jam with a homicidal maniac, just do what Coraline did:

Throw a cat at the homicidal maniac.

32) I find the web that Coraline falls into with Other Mother perhaps the most frightening visual of the whole film. I love it.

But the way Other Mother shouts after Coraline makes her way through the door is almost equally as terrifying to me. Just the desperation and madness in her voice gives me chills.

Other Mother: “Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! I’ll die without you!”

33) It is a classic rule of suspense, an almost Hitchcockian rule (although I don’t think he invented it), that the story is never over when you think it is.

The entire final “battle” with Other Mother’s disembodied hand, how it drags Coraline away, how Wybie has to come and save the day but it still keeps going, is all a great final horror movie moment. Just the creeping crawly uncatchable-ness of a spider and how you have to work really hard to squash it. I love that.

34) The final scene of the film resolves the visual conflict Coraline was having with the real world. Everything - hear parents, the neighbors, the flowers - is a bit brighter. A bit closer to her but not so perfectly as the Other World. Things are resolved, but everything is still in the real world. Everything is still honest and it may not be perfect, but it is a happy ending.

It has been a while since I’ve watched Coraline so in all honesty I forgot how good it was. It is an excellent piece of not only animated filmmaking but filmmaking period. The visuals and imagination is incredible, it is truly frightening at times through its use of atmosphere and (again) the visuals at hand, the writing is top notch - ESPECIALLY when it comes to our titular lead - and the voice acting is there to match (Hatcher and Fanning being the clear standouts). It is an incredible film I think everyone should see. It’s just that good.

[shirtlesssammy]

Monster Movie: 4x05 Recap

Natasha would like to preface this recap by falling to the floor like a fainting Elizabeth Taylor and wailing, “You TOLD me I would love doing a Ben Edlund recap this summer. You TOLD me and you were right. DAMN you, you were right!”

Welcome to season four, and welcome to where we really start to see Ben Edlund shine and push the boundaries of this show!

With the cacophony of classic monster movie string music and the black and white fog setting the tone, we open to find Sam and Dean driving down the road in the Impala. Lightning flashes and thunder crashes just as they drive by a sign indicating their latest destination:

Dean hates the music in the area (that joke never gets old). Sam’s reviewing the case they came to investigate: Vic with a gnawed on neck, body drained of blood, and a witness who swears it was a vampire! Case closed? Sam’s thinking about the end of the world but Dean’s thinking about just today, and today they can chop off vamp heads. “It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black and white case.” Lolz.

Sam and Dean make it to the town, which happens to be celebrating Oktoberfest. Dean tells Sam that they have to go see the new Indiana Jones movie, but Sam already saw it; Dean was in hell. Boris wonders who got the better deal. (Ouch, I just hurt myself. Dean’s been out of hell 10 years but it’s still too soon to joke.) Dean’s easily distracted with a big pretzel so no hard feelings.

While Dean spots a friendly waitress, Sam spots the local sheriff, and they head to get the lowdown on the case. They head to the morgue to view the victim, and the giant fang marks on her neck. Dean also asks about the witness, Ed Brewer. The sheriff admits he’s not what one would call “reliable”.

The boys then head to the local pub to locate Ed. They find Jamie, the waitress Dean made eyes with earlier. Jamie admits that they don’t come off like feds. Dean reassures her that he’s a rebel.

Cut to the boys interviewing Ed, who’s indulging in a very large stein of beer. He’s the town joke; no one believes him. Sam and Dean reassure him that they know crazy, and want to hear his story. So he spills. Walking home from the bar, he noticed the assailant attacking the victim. He was a vampire: fangs, slicked back hair, and cape..and accent. Dracula through and through. (Can the music be any more spot on?)

Jamie and her fellow waitress, Lucy, talk about crazy Ed. Lucy blots her lipstick on a napkin. After interviewing Ed, Dean heads to ask Jamie for a beer, and Sam notices Lucy’s cast off napkin. The brothers agree that it’s not really their case, but Dean insists they enjoy Oktoberfest anyway.

They settle into a booth and Dean requests a beer from the bar wench. Jamie complies but doesn’t bite when Dean asks when she gets off (she’s no Mandy!) Dean admits to Sam that “it’s time to right some wrongs.” He came back from hell with no old scars. He’s been re-hymenated! With an eye roll, Sam calls it a night and Dean asks Jamie what her plans are, but she declines. Dean lets her know that they’re probably not staying on the case --it’s not weird enough.

Cut to a full moon and two younguns swapping spit in a car. The guy is being a dick, so he’s thankfully sucked from the car by a hairy armed werewolf.

Later, the brothers interview the girl, Anna-Marie, about what happened in that car.

Dean asks for a description of the creature. She’s adamant that it was a werewolf. Between sips of her Mega Big Gulp, she describes in detail what that werewolf looked like.

In the morgue, Dean wonders what the hell’s going on in this town. It seems like it was a werewolf, but the heart was left in the vic.

Back at the pub, the brothers discuss the odd turn the case has taken. It’s like a monster movie mash-up. Jamie brings the boys another round of drinks and makes plans to meet up with Dean later that night.

LOOK AT THIS BEAN! Is there meta for just this episode? I mean, we’ve got all his coping sublimations: alcohol, food, and sex. He’s fresh from hell, and NOT DEALING.

At the Canonsburg Museum of American History, a guard is on the phone inquiring about an odd delivery. Suddenly the sarcophagus opens and a mummy emerges! The guard starts shooting the monster, but ends up on the strangled end of that monstrous roll of toilet paper.

Later, while the sheriff’s department takes care of the deceased, Sam and Dean analyze the sarcophagus. It was from a prop house in Philly, and it had prop dry ice in it. They’re dealing with a monster with a good sense of showmanship. Sam finds the whole case stupid, and Dean realizes he’s late for his date with Jamie.

Having waited too long for Dean, Jamie takes off walking through the foggy late-night streets. A flutter of wings (different from angel wings), Jamie turns to find Dracula. “Good evening.” Jamie takes off running (or slow movie running at least), until she’s cornered. Dracule insists he must have her, but she sprays him with pepper spray and makes her getaway. “Son of a …”

Jamie runs into Dean, and he sees Dracula in hot pursuit. “Son of a bitch.” Dracula is offended by Dean’s language. “Okay,” Dean responds, and promptly punches him. Dracula gets the upper hand in the fight though, and just when all looks lost for Dean, he rips at Dracula’s ear, and it comes off. Dracula runs away, with Dean in hot pursuit.

Dracula jumps a fence that Dean can’t make, and makes his getaway on a scooter.

(Boris may be going a bit overboard with the gifs)

Sam finds Dean and Jamie in the closed bar and Dean greets him by asking Sam to touch the ear he ripped off of Dracula. Nice to see you too, Dean. There's a reason though. Our beautiful, tactile-oriented Dean realized they were hunting a shapeshifter by the feel of the ripped off appendage. Furthermore, he managed to nab Dracula's medallion and discovered that it was also from the same prop shop as the mummy's casket.

“You guys are like Mulder and Scully or something? The X-Files are real?” Jamie asks after watching the exchange. Yep. Pretty much.

Sam uses his giant brain to deftly figure out the mode and motive behind their beast. The shapeshifter seems to be morphing into his favorite horror characters to act out fantasies, and the shifter calling Jamie 'Mina' and Dean 'Mr. Harker' are clear references to Dracula's love interest and competition.

Dean asks if anyone strange has come to town and Jamie scoffs at the question. Dudes. It's Oktoberfest. Who isn't here and being weird? Jamie does recall Ed, however. He moved to town just a month ago and Lucy swears he's sweet on her. He's the projectionist at the old movie theater in town. Dun dun DUN! Sam heads off to scope it out while Dean stays behind and guards (or “guards”) Jamie at the bar.

Jamie wades her way through the OMG-monsters-are-real-what-is-life-even victim arc. Also, Dean's not really FBI, right? “Not so much,” Dean admits. He does, in fact, drive around the country killing monsters.

“Wow!” Jamie exclaims. “That must suck.” (Cue record scratch.)

“The last few years it started weighing on me. Of course that was before...” He tells her he had a near death experience but now life's been different. He realizes he helps people. He saves them. “It's awesome,” he says – not convincing me AT ALL. “Like a mission from god,” he says with tones of distaste. However, while he's starting to spiral down the manpain drain, Jamie cagily asks if that means he's celibate because otherwise...wink wink nudge nudge say no more. Dean snaps out of his introspection quagmire and leans in for the kiss...

...Which is rudely interrupted by Lucy switching on the lights and rummaging around at the bar for a bottle of booze. Omigod did she interrupt? She falls over herself, embarrassed, but Jamie invites her to join herself and Dean for a drink. Dean is thrilled at the prospect of hanging out with two best gal pals. Platonically.

Sam heads into the heavily retro movie theater. Old horror movie posters line the halls and Sam advances into the theater as gruesome horror music swells. Look out, Sam! Your hair is too long! You're now the delicate maiden in this horror plot.

The organist plays on, nothing but a terrible shadow projected behind the silver screen. And then Sam bursts in on him just as he switches to a light Calypso tune. Ed, our mysterious organist, cowers under Sam's gun. Sam tries to rip off his ear and fails. Wow. That’s a test for shapeshifter he's never tried out again. Once burned, right Sam?

Sam: It's supposed to come off.

Ed: No, it's not.

Back at the bar Jamie and Dean are getting wasted while Lucy looks on, amused.

Dean realizes he’s been roofied, stands up, and punches Lucy. She looks up from the floor and shoves her jaw back into place while Dean demands to know what she put in their drinks. And then he collapses to the floor unconscious, the precious angel.

When Dean wakes he's dressed a loose white shirt and lederhosen, and strapped to a wooden slab with metal bars. Très Frankenstein chic! (Side note: don’t think about how creepy it is that our shifty shifter likes to use people as dress up dolls. DON’T think about it.)

Dracula swans in. It turns out that “Lucy” was modeled after “bride number 3 from the first film.” Dean laughs, utterly captivated by the utter weirdo monster case they've managed to land. Dracula swans across the floor to argue with Dean about movies. “I am ALL monsters,” Dracula announces. And in his movie, the monster gets the girl and Jonathan Harker gets zapped with a gazillion volts of electricity.

Dracula slowly and dramatically reaches for the switch while Dean struggles. The music builds and builds and...the doorbell rings. “Ah! Zat is zee doorbell!” he might has well have said, lifting his cape over his nose and flying away upstairs. Well, he does actually do the latter and Dean's life is spared for another few minutes.

Dracula throws open the door theatrically. It's the pizza guy! “Tell me,” he asks. “is there GARLIC on this pizza?”

“Fuck my life,” mutters the pizza guy and drives off into the sunset in search of better fates.

Sam finds his way back to the bar where he discovers the broken bottle. He's also unable to reach Dean on his cell and notices Lucy's lipsticked napkin. “Lucy,” he mutters, eyes alight with revelation.

Dracula invites Jamie to put on a Mina-like gown and then join him for...PIZZA. Jamie doesn't want to play his game though, and begs to go home. Dracula snaps and shouts in a deranged and very un-movie-like manner for her to “put on the gown.”

Sam breaks into Lucy's house cat-silently because he's Sam Fucking Winchester and stalks through the house. Jamie has donned the gown and Dracula/Lucy apologizes for scaring her. Life is too real, too brutal, without the veneer of the movies. Dracula/Lucy’s father called them a monster and tried to beat them to death with a shovel, and so they escaped into the fantasy worlds offered by movies. It's sad but Jamie, quite rightly, asks how killing people works with Dracula/Lucy’s general victim narrative. There's a noise from within the house and Jamie screams for Dean. Dracula/Lucy knocks her out and heads off to head off the hunters.

Sam finds Dean and unlocks him (though there is much merriment) and they kick their way out of the prop dungeon. They fly through weak facade walls and fight Dracula/Lucy. Things are looking bad for our heroes when the shifter is suddenly shot several times in the chest. Dracula/Lucy turns, shocked, to find that they were shot to death by Jamie's steady hand. (I mean, if you're going to subvert movie tropes HELL YEAH the heroine is gonna save herself. Dracula/Lucy dies.

And so the case is concluded. Still filmed in gorgeous black and white, Dean kisses Jamie a fond farewell. She thanks them for saving her life before disappearing back into the wilds of Oktoberfest.

I Want to Quote Your Blood:

It's time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black and white case.

Yeah, you got me -- I mean this killer's some kind of grade-A wacko, right? I mean, some Satan worshipping, Anne Rice-reading, gothic, psycho vampire wannabe.

I'm a maverick, ma'am. A rebel with a badge. One thing I don’t play by: the rules.

I have been re-hymenated.

Hey, you think this Dracula could turn into a bat? That would be cool.

And...scene.

I can't get over what a pumpkin-pie-eyed, crazy son of a bitch you really are.

You've brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.

'Twas beauty that killed the beast.

The hero gets the girl, monster gets the gank. All in all, happy ending -- with a happy ending, no less.

[vi0lentquiche]

RDC3

I don’t think I fully admitted to myself that this con was a different beast long after it was over. After swanning through BTRDC last October, chatting to tons of people and getting to all the photo and autog sessions and Q&As on time and having time to chill and people-watch, I did expect this one to be less relaxed, but I didn’t expect a 3-day endurance catharsis. 

Friday

Every guest who walked onto the stage at the opening ceremony appeared momentarily stunned, all wide eyes and “woahh” expressions. Except Bryan, of course, who clearly wanted to crowdsurf but had to settle for high-five running through the crowd instead. For the rest of them, I guess they genuinely hadn’t expected quite so many people or quite so much noise and enthusiasm. 

Met my hero @bansheegrahamtao during registration, cracked up at her bag: 

As for the M&G, well, as @existingcharactersdiehorribly remarked midway through our suffering, it’s a tough tough thing, having to sit around drinking whiskey and wine, waiting for Bryan Fuller to come talk to you. Especially tough when Ellen, Hugh, Aaron and Scott all stop by for a brief chat at some point as well. I remember realizing around midnight that we’d be there for three more hours at least and wondering if I should go to my room for a quick nap, but that’s just not how it’s done, so I napped right at the table instead. When Bryan did get there he was greeted by a sight unlike any other, leading him to grab one of the straws and wave it about and tell us an AG production story about the sex scene between Salim and the jinn. The size and shape of the VFX jinn penis had to be juuust right because they couldn’t have a goofy-looking penis in a sexy scene, but production was hellbent on 12 inches because they had made some odd assumptions. Mousa Kraish the jinn actor was also more than fine with 12′, which is when Bryan stepped in and firmly said no that’s ridiculous, we’ll go with 9′. He then showed us a picture of the flame-eyed ifrit with the vetoed penis on his phone. We wrapped up around 3:30 am on a sobering SOTL vs Will note that sent everyone into black despair, but All Seems Well Now after some panicking and course correction. He wants to write for them forever and ever, gotcha, we’re good, whew. 

Saturday

What even are alarms and wake up calls, we don’t hear them and sleep straight through breakfast and the first photo op like real men. Shrugged it off assuming they’d let me do Aaron and Scott on Sunday and queued for Bryan instead, got a nice hug and a concerned “did you get any rest?” from this miracle of a man, who apparently made a point of inquiring this of everyone he remembered from the night before, which if you’re Bryan is probably easily all 200 of us. 

Demore turned out to be the breakout guest of the weekend. I say this as someone who is so hypersensitive to the quality of public speaking/presenting/live performance/showmanship that I’ll walk out if something is so off it starts bothering me. Case in point: the crowd fluffer later that night; literally 45 seconds into his routine I noped out of the room and didn’t return until he was done. With Demore, it was immediately apparent it would be a smooth sailing throughout. I don’t know if he came prepared or if he is just that good, but there was a friendly and warm quality to his command of the audience that I’ve never experienced before. I wish someone *glares at self* had recorded the Q&A, because I’ve since forgotten most of the specifics. He made a very #relatable point about how both Hannibal and Tobias prize authentic expression above all else. Overall I am left with an impression of a nice balance between thoughtful and playful, funny and profound. Bonus: amazing moment that was more than the sum of its goofy parts. I got goosebumps. 

Another thing that stands out from the afternoon is Hugh freaking Dancy with his freaking word choice poetry. I don’t know if it only seemed this way to my ESL brain but he did that thing where he paused for a moment while appearing to pick a word and then the word he went for was on point, and not in a suffocatingly completist way but rather in a fresh and elegant way. So basically he’s a terrible man and I’ve been very distracted. I’ll even give Sabbath’s Theater a go, that’s how bamboozled I am by the whole thing. 

I won’t recap Bryan and Hugh’s Q&As since you can actually listen to them thanks to the brilliant @pka42. The highlight for me was Bryan talking about how he would have revisited Miriam Lass given the chance: as a law enforcement officer too traumatized to continue active duty, she would have been hidden away in some FBI basement doing clerical work so the sight of her wouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable, and the rhetorical question here would be whether Hannibal made a better family for her than the FBI *cue instant anguished Will and Abigail feels, oof* 

Another highlight was Bryan referring to Sean’s “time to wrap this up” gesture as a “sexy dancing fingers thing”, which evolved into “the nipple thing” by Sunday. Bless. 

Was seated too far back to actually watch the Fannibal musical so buried myself in the booklet instead, pausing every now and again to loudly exclaim “NO BUT ACTUAL HUGH DANCY IS WATCHING THIS”. Loved the firefly from the costume competition, shame it got no mention. 

Sunday 

Things I learned Sunday morning: a Bryan&Hugh sandwich grips you like a vice, whereas being in the middle of an Aaron&Scott sandwich is a much squishier experience. 

The rest of the day is kind of a blur. Started seriously flagging so skipped the first two Q&As in favor of sitting on a bench staring dazedly into middle distance, which is when @louiselux and @emungere materialized next to said bench in a fine example of just how surreal things can get at a Hannibal con, <3. 

At the Q&A, most of which I spent in the question line, Bryan went on being highly #relatable telling us about how he lives his life in constant fear of mediocrity, Hugh cracked jokes about Will possibly being into Austrian chamber music (or was this Saturday, who even remembers anymore). Bryan was honest about the things he would have done differently in S1-S2 but didn’t venture into S3 territory at all. Still too soon and too fresh, I suppose. 

Glad I had a quiet moment sitting down with @byronicwoman before that brutal autog session started, or was that Saturday? *cries* I have no idea. 

Two things I have to say before I bring this meandering report to a close: 

1. Since I listed all of the low points of this con in the Gothic post I feel like I have to point out that there are highs that balance all of them out xD Aside from the obvious thrill of meeting Bryan and co, there’s really nothing quite like The Second Wave of Fannibal Recognition where you’ve exchanged real names with someone to no effect and then you exchange Twitter/Tumblr handles and a lot of AAAAAAHHHHhshfsflskdfjhsdf ensues. It’s fascinating to see the people behind the writing and the art. It’s fun when previously two-dimensional things come alive in the real world. It’s a real trip to get drunk on something pink and sit in a cloud of Bigarade xD  

2. Those of you I got very little or no quality time with besides hurried hellos, hugs, snippets of conversation and trying to survive the con right alongside you, and I won’t tag you all - firstly wtf, secondly how frustrating, thirdly ilu anyway and will talk to you anyway so whateva, we’ll make it up next Feb, unless of course Mads is there in which case we’ll all just huddle together and cry, <3. 

Finally, a helpful tip: the only way to avoid PCD is to actively preempt it in any way you can. What I did was get together with @lactobacille, @meres-argias, @rav3nsta9 and @fourth-axis for some ~thematic entertainment: 

REPRESENT. We sure survived that killer good \m/

Went wandering around Sir John Soane’s, well, mind palace, complete with oubliettes, weird little recesses, moveable planes, holes in the floor and a slightly demented-looking collection of antiquities and paintings. 

Naturally could not walk past a museum of anatomy and surgery. Check out the light and air and color on these nervous and circulatory systems! 

All in all, some seriously good, funny times <3.  

P. S. The context for Hugh uttering the words “Pacman uncontrollably guzzling cum” is Cards Against Humanity.  

[movieiwatchedtonight]

Monthly Movie Recap: March 2017

Monthly Movie Recap: March 2017 

March was slow for movies for me, I had was out of town for two weeks and was super busy at school so I didn't get to the theater as much as I would have liked. This month I was able to see Logan, Beauty and the Beast, and Power Rangers. I saw Power Rangers twice but the other two I only saw once. 

 Did anyone else feel like March was the month of nostalgia movies? Especially with Beauty and the Beast and Power Rangers. To some extent you could argue for Logan as well. 

Ranked favorite to least; I would go with Logan first, Power Rangers second, and Beauty and the Beast third. 

Logan: It did not come to a shock for me that that Logan was my favorite movie this month. 

(This is a copy of my post from right after I saw it, and since I haven't seen it again, I can't add anything new until I see it again)

I had been anticipating this movie since I first saw the trailer. I had recently really invested myself in the Marvel universe and was very excited for this movie. I saw it opening night (technically the Thursday before since my local theater allows Thursday night showings) with my dad and my brother. They liked it as well. I was interested in the R rating.I thought that it was a good amount of like blood and gore, but I also don’t get shifty around that kind of stuff in movies. I just recently started to get into the whole marvel and XMen world but honestly this movie was so good and I didn’t necessarily feel like I had to watch anything else to understand what was happening. Having the basic understanding of who Logan and Charles are would probably be helpful though. I loved the tone of the trailers, how I got kind of a western vibe from it and I thought it carried over into the movie too which I was really impressed by because lately I feel like trailers are not matching up to their movies. Also you know how in some movies, all the fight scenes are shown in the trailers and nothing is really a surprise? Yeah, not here. I felt like I got so much more from it. Yes it was an action movie but I also didn’t really feel like it was because it had a pretty solid story that I wanted to follow as well, not just watch the fight scenes. It was also a two and a half hour (about) movie but it did not feel like it at all, I think because it help my interest the whole time, it made the movie seem shorter because I was so engrossed in it. There was always something going on but it never felt like overwhelming or too busy or rushed. Timing was great. I’m so happy it was rated r because I feel like if it was pg-13 than it would have lost a lot of important moments. Plus there wouldn’t be as much use of the f word. Which by the way I did not feel was overused or used inappropriately, it always felt like it was well placed, whether in frustration, rage, or comedic. Dafne was absolutely amazing was Laura. She’s what, eleven years old? She was just so good and caused me to die like a dozen times. She’s eleven and did such a good job with how violent and gory this movie is. Laura was ruthless at times, if she got upset that was it and she was going full force, decapitating people, ripping them up and all. I was so intrigued by her because I never knew what she was going to do next, and if I thought I did, I was wrong and she did something completely different. When she first spoke, I don’t know why but I just assumed she would speak English, but when she spoke I was so impressed because that’s how it should be and I don’t know why I thought any differently. I love how yes she was ruthless and violent but you also saw that she was still a little girl. Playing with the buttons on the elevator, messing with the car window switch, riding the horse outside the gas station, and finally at the end when she calls him Daddy just broke me because she’s so young and even though she’s see so much, done so much, she’s still a little girl somewhere in there. Some of my favorite moments from her include when she decided to drive the car to get Logan to urgent care, her clinging to the picture of her and the other kids, when she called Logan daddy, her speech at his makeshift funeral, and I think the best moment of all: when she turned Logan’s cross into an X. An odd phrase that I can’t completely remember but something along the lines of that people can be considered weapons of mass destruction and that really stuck out for me. Emotions. Emotions. Emotions Just all over the place but that’s what makes it so good, the emotions are just so fitting. It was almost hard for me to see this is a superhero movie because it wasn’t. And it’s not just like “oh well yeah this is a good superhero movie” no like this is just a great movie, regardless of superhero context. Overall, I can’t say enough good things about this movie. I’m not-so-patiently waiting for the next time I have a chance to watch it. It was a road trip, literally and figuratively, in the way that it was about the journey. 

Watch Again?: I’m trying to see it again as soon as possible. Like trying to skip my gym class to see it 

Will I watch the sequel?: I don’t know if sequel is the right word to use here but the answer is still (and always will be) YES 

Power Rangers: I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie. I knew that I would see this movie after seeing the trailer, I've been into the whole superhero/action movies lately and this seemed up that ally. But I did not expect to like it as much as I did. Now when I say that I know nothing about Power Rangers, I mean it. Not like when I say I don't know much about superheroes but I really kinda do, no like I really don't know anything about Power Rangers aside from the toys my brother played with as a kid. I went to see it with my mom, dad, and brother the first time; they do not share my opinion. I personally really liked it, some aspects felt childish but then I had to remind myself that I was literally watching a Power Rangers movie. I felt like the first two thirds of the movie was great, beyond my expectations, but fell in the third act. Here were some thoughts I wrote down while watching the movie the second time: 

 Did I walk into the remake of The Breakfast Club? 

soundtrack was excellent; especially the song they ended on. Not the song in the credits but right before that 

besides HandClap in the training scene, that could have been better  

Kimberly cutting her hair in the bathroom was a little too on the dot 

No one is as mean and blunt as those girls who literally cut Kimberly out of the picture 

Jason Scott looks like a mix between a young Zac Effron and Chris Pine 

Billy directly says he's on the spectrum so there o tip-toeing around it 

I love Jason and Billy's friendship 

When Jason reminds Billy to keep breathing

"I got you buddy," 

Kimberley made a horrible mistake, horrible choice, but someone reminds her that it doesn't make her a horrible person and I love that  

Bill Hader for Alpha 5 was such a good choice. He was funny and cute. Reminds me of BB8 in a way 

“Different color coins. Different Kids, different color kids!” 

The scene of Billy in the water when the first find Zordon's ship, that was beautiful  

The way Zordon was able to move around to talk to the different Rangers was pretty neat 

Trini isn't straight and it was just insinuated, it was addressed 

Jason's graphic tees are awesome and I want to know where I can get them 

My favorite is "Cash Only" 

I like how it's questioned if they'll still be friends when it's all over 

Rita's colors and costume remind me of Loki from the avengers but it still looked awesome 

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours" 

There's not really a romance and I love it 

I love them passing notes to each other, especially the lighting bolt at the end 

"We should start a band" 

How the hell do they know how to work the megazord right away? 

 There's no way they could even know how to work their own, let alone the mega where each person controls a different limb 

But making it dance at the end was pretty cool 

Does Jason have a little sister? There's a pink bike in his yard and a little girl holding his hand at the fishermen's funeral 

The way they carried Billy all the way back after he died, and the song was perfectly paired with it 

"No one dies alone" 

 Jason's sword (I guess that's what you would call it) is very Psylocke from XM:A but I'm still into it 

Is "Hold the line" a reference I don't understand because I don't get football? 

I can't tell if I love the use of the 90's power rangers song or hate it 

Not a single person woke up when Rita visited Trini? Nor did anyone question the holes in the wall? 

"Sorry Bumblebee!" 

The Krispy Kreme product placement was done well, I didn't feel slapped in the face with it 

Speaking of being slapped in the face, that's how they defeat Rita? 

Ok but like Angel Grove is still in ruins after all of that right? 

Tommy Oliver or Tomi Oliver? Either way I'm in  

Watch again?: Yes, probably not in theaters again but will for sure rent it and buy the DVD 

Will I watch the sequel?: Yes 

Beauty and the Beast: I honestly thought I would like this movie more than I did. I'm a huge Disney fan but honestly I just wasn't feeling this movie. It's been a long time since I've watched the original but I decided not re-watch the original going into this because I didn't want to just be comparing the two the whole time. The technical aspects were amazing and really well done. What I did love about this movie (I feel like I should start with the good stuff) was the music! It was excellent! My favorite was Be Our Guest, that is also my favorite from the original though. I loved the scene where she is teaching a little girl how to read and when she told Gaston that she didn't want to have dinner and it wasn't because she was busy, just didn't want to, that was awesome. The costumes, where Disney excelled with Cinderella, I thought was a little short here. I did really like the opening scene where everyone was in elaborate white outfits. I wasn't really a fan of the jacket type things Belle wore a few times. But I did like her 'blue dress'. Now the yellow dress. I just didn't like it, I didn't like the necklace choice but I did enjoy the hairstyling. I felt like I was looking at Emma Watson in a Belle inspired costume, not looking at Belle. The last dress, the while floral one, it was alright. I was indifferent about it, didn't love it but didn't hate it. I loved the castle though, I thought it was beautiful. Ugh I would love to have a library like that and those chandeliers were gorgeous!

I was actually frustrated with myself because everything technically about this movie was great, I just didn't really enjoy it. It was fine, good, but not outstanding for me. Maybe I had too high of expectations from how much I loved Cinderella. But it was like when you try on a shirt and it fits well, it's made well, good price, everything's technically great about it but you just don't like it. You don't know why, there's no real logical reason, you just don't like it. That's kind of what this movie felt like for me. 

Watch Again?: yes, I feel like I should

Will I watch the sequel?: I don't think think that's the right word, but I will always watch any Disney movie so yes 

Overall: March was a pretty solid month for movies. There's a couple that came out this month I wasn't able to see this month but will get to in April. Also tons of trailers started to be released towards the end of the month, which is getting me excited for the summer movie season. I wish I could have gone to the theater more this month, just didn't work out, but I am extremely happy with the movies I was able to see. 

Next month: I'm most looking forward to Gifted released in April. Will also probably see Smurfs: The Lost Village with my best friend because she loves kid movies and I take any excuse to go to the movies. Also I never got around to seeing Before I Fall this month because it left my local theater so quickly so hopefully next month I will.