#twitter didnt like my drug joke BUT YALL WILL

[mikey-stardust-way]

This is the guy who sold me chaos trip inducing weed outside of a 7/11 by the docs-

But he took a kiss as payment so that's nice I guess-

[naptis-lucis-caelum]

HAPPY 420 (Noctis x Reader)

welllll it’s officially 420 and I’m stoned so might as well right? based on this photo of Noct, Iggy, and Prompto getting high as fuck floating around, posted by his-shining-tears, and the source says Twitter but the link just goes to the homepage. if anybody knows the original source, kindly send it to my inbox please! idk why it got fluffy in the end, but yall know me i’m a thirsty Noctis hoe and will do just about anything to write about him lmao. AANNNNDDD ENJOY 

p.s. I know they’re in a tent in the photo but wtv

Rating: SFW

Pairing(s): Noctis Lucis Caelum/Reader

Fandom: Final Fantasy XV

Warning(s): Drugs, swearing

Plot Summary: The guys invite you to celebrate the mystical stoner holiday of 4/20 with a little help from Gladio’s not-so-secret stash.

Words: 2,143

As soon as you finished your last lecture for the day, your phone began to vibrate violently in your pocket.

New Message from CHOCOBO BUTT HEAD:

WRU????

“Oh, for the love of–” you hurriedly scrolled down in order to hide that extremely compromising photo of the Crown Prince and his Crownsguard. 

You lowered the brightness of your screen and scrolled back up again, pinching the screen and zooming on their faces. The only thing that gave Prompto’s current state of mind away was the redness in his eyes; Iggy was clearly stoned, with his eyes almost invisible; while Noct’s cheeky grin-and-thumbs-up combination made your heart flutter a little bit. Leaving the classroom, you replied,

omfg whose stash are u smoking?

CHOCOBO BUTT HEAD: irrelevant question

You knew for a fact that Ignis had grabbed Prompto’s phone to send that reply himself. 

CHOCOBO BUTT HEAD: u didnt answer the question

i just finished class

CHOCOBO BUTT HEAD: k cool were at the apartment

The sender’s disregard for mentioning whose apartment they were in specifically only meant that the person currently holding Prompto’s phone was none other than the owner of the apartment himself, Noctis.

...is that an invitation or

CHOCOBO BUTT HEAD: obvs

CHOCOBO BUTT HEAD: hurry

CHOCOBO BUTT HEAD: AND BRING FOOD

With two paper bags filled with chips, candy, and Ebony, you stepped off the elevator and entered the hallway. You could already smell the dank from there, hearing laughter faintly echoing the corridor. The noise gradually got louder as made your way to the apartment, confirming that they were indeed the laughter of your friends.

After a bit of struggling, you finally managed to ring the doorbell. Obvious shuffling from the other side of the door moved closer to you until a blondie opened the door.

“She’s here!” Prompto yelled out. He looked back at you and noticed the bags you were carrying, taking them off your hands and adding, “And she bought the food, guys!”

You closed the door behind you and followed Prompto into the living room. On the floor sat the other two who appeared in the photo; they were missing an additional person. You stared at each of their obviously stoned faces one by one, adding two and two together until it hit you.

“So,” you grinned, joining their circle and taking the space between Noctis and Ignis. “Does Gladio know you’re smoking his weed?”

Noct chuckled lazily, “Nope, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Ignis passed you a freshly rolled joint and a lighter. “Spark it?” he offered with a sluggish smile.

“Why thank you, Iggy.”

You took the joint and placed the filter between your lips, leaning forward as Ignis sparked the lighter. You took a puff, then another, and one more until the burn looked even from your end. A deep exhale with a cloud of smoke escaped your lips, adding to the already low visibility of the room. Psychedelic rock music softly blasted from Noct’s speakers on the table as you passed it over to Prompto who was busy digging in.

He grabbed the joint and took a sip of water. “You guys know what,” he inhaled sharply. “I love eating.”

Prompto took another puff, holding it in for a couple seconds before releasing completely. He passed it to Iggy who just opened a can of Ebony. Careful, he took a quick sip from his fountain of youth and followed it with a deep inhale of his perfect roll.

“And I love Ebony.”

The Prince happily accepted Iggy’s joint offer, moving forward to grab it before leaning back on the couch. He stretched out his right leg and fixed his left knee up. 

Giggling, he took his first drag of the new joint. “And I love–” He turned to you for a second then quickly looked away, shaking his head. “Lucis!” he quickly finished, exhaling the smoke.

“You always get nationalistic when you’re high,” you pointed out, erupting in laughter with Prompto and Iggy. 

Noct joined in and ran a hand through his midnight hair, “It’s because I think the past Kings of Lucis try to speak to me when I’m stoned!”

The roaring got louder with his comment and the joint started another cycle. You took it from Noct and passed it on to Prompto who kept it between his thumb and index fingers. 

“Do you guys think the past Kings see us right now?” he asked.

“If they did,” Noct said. “I just wanna say sorry to my great-great-great-grandfather’s grandfather,” he finished off.

Next thing you knew, Noct was already handing the joint to you. Has it been that long already? Or did I space out? Wow, this is some pretty good shit.

Your eyes began to droop, but from the corner of your eye, you could see the Prince watching you take a hit. Unsure of whether it was the weed or just you, you started to become more conscious of your actions as you handed the half-joint over to the marksman. Prompto let it hang on the corner of his lips for a few moments, fixing the snacks you had bought on the table in the middle of your circle.

“... I’m fairly certain His Majesty’s done his fair share of rule breaking,” Ignis chimed in, snapping you back into reality.

Okay, you were transcending your current realm. 

You shook your head to look at the three men chatting away. You must’ve been quiet for a while now, considering the fact that you weren’t entirely sure what they were on about.

“King Regis toking? Fuck me, that’d make for one hell of a cover!” Noct exclaimed as he entered a fit of laughter. 

Slowly, Iggy exhaled once more and a cloud of smoke appeared above your heads. He tapped Noct’s arm and showed him the remaining of the joint, prompting him to calm down a little bit so he could take his hit.

“Your old man? A stoner?” Prompto reiterated with his thumb under his chin. “I could so picture it, dude!”

“And as it turns out, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Ignis teased.

“Get off my dick, Iggy,” Noct joked in response, making all of you laugh this time. “And stop trying to sneak vegetables in my food all the damn time. If you like them so much, just eat it yourself!” He puffed out and stretched his arm out to you. “You should roach this,” he suggested with a faint smile quirking up his lips. 

“Nah, go ahead,” you offered back. “You’re already holding it.”

“But you just got here!” he retorted, moving his arm up and down to add emphasis to the burning joint. “Those in favor, say I.”

“I!” Prompto and Iggy voted together, raising their right hands in support.

You shrugged, “If you insist.”

You roached what was left of the roll, then killed it on the ashtray on the table. The moment you leaned back on the couch, you felt a tap on your arm and saw Noctis doing the exact same thing he was doing just now.

“Wait, what the fuck?” you said out loud, looking over at the filter of the last joint on the ashtray, then back at the joint Noctis was holding. “Didn’t I just kill one?”

“Dude, that was ages ago,” Prompto answered you as his right hand dove inside a bag of chips.

“No way,” you replied in disbelief. 

On your left, Noct refrained himself from chuckling, in turn making Iggy chuckle too. The two of them looked at each other and, unable to control themselves, burst into a mixture of heavy wheezing and loud ha-has.

Your eyes switched from studying Noct and Iggy’s face, bouncing back and forth as you watched them either slap their thigh or clap their hands. The Prince favored the thigh slap more, while the Royal Advisor preferred to clap his leathered hands.

“Ah, you’re so fucking cute when you’re stoned,” Noct blurted out, turning his head to face your blush-mantled cheeks. 

You rolled your eyes in a response but you could feel the heat on your face rising. Mockingly, you grabbed the not-so-new joint from his fingers and inhaled. “I swear,” you held your breath. “I just roached the other one.”

“If you did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we?” Prompto fired back as he pulled his hand out to take the joint. 

You paused, “But we were having a totally different conversation before this.”

“Indeed,” Iggy nodded. “Prompto and I best be going.”

“Huh?” you responded. “I just got here, Iggy! Come on, stay a while longer?”

“Just got here?” a voice from below you asked.

You looked down and found Noct’s head resting on your lap, his glassy blue eyes looking straight into yours. Once you began to feel the physicality of your body, you found your right hand unconsciously combing through his hair. When did he lie down?

“Yeah, didn’t we just...?” You pointed over at the overflowing ashtray on the table, spotting the countless filters resting on top of each other. The food was completely devoured, and you realized you actually felt pretty full.

“Holy shit, how stoned are you?” Prompto taunted. “It’s almost midnight and I’m fuckin’ sleepy.”

“Again, you guys don’t have to go,” Noct said. “Just sleep here!”

Iggy and Prompto looked at each other, rolling their eyes at that comment he just made. You stared as the two of them conversed with their eyes, obviously making sure you wouldn’t get the hint. 

“Nah, I’d rather sleep on my own bed,” Prompto declined.

“I share the same sentiments,” Iggy nodded, moving his hand up to adjust his glasses. “By the way, Noct, I’m in no mood to drive so I’ll be leaving the Regalia in your hands.”

“Ha,” Noctis scoffed. “I’m a great driver!”

“I meant to say, ‘don’t fuck it up.’” Ignis bit back. “Goodnight, you two.”

"Later!” Prompto called out.

This left you and Noctis’ head on your thighs all alone. You awkwardly continued to play with the softness of his hair, pretending like this was a normal occurrence in your friendship. He attempted to do the same, lightly grazing the thumb on his right hand over your left knee. 

Finally, he cleared his throat and broke the silence. “I don’t... I don’t think you’re in the condition to drive,” he stated.

“I-I–”

Was he seriously asking you to sleep there?

“I think I’ll be fine,” you nodded.

“Please, I insist!” he maintained. “If anything terrible happened to you...” 

Noct’s voice trailed off but he kept his eyes locked on yours.

You took a deep breath, “Alright. Alright, yeah, sure.”

Okay, he gets it, you’re staying the night. Calm down.

“Cool!” he squeaked, getting up and patting the dust from his cargo pants away. “I’ll... I’ll get the couch ready. You can take my bed,” he generously presented.

“Noct,” you titled your head. “Please, I’ll take the couch. I don’t wanna displace you in your home.”

He scratched the back of his head and aired out a laugh, “It’s no big deal, really!”

Your heart began to beat faster as the seconds passed. Finally, you plucked up the courage and proposed,

“I don’t mind sharing the bed.”

His sea blue eyes grew wide for a moment before he quickly bobbed his head up and down in extreme concurrence. You entered the bedroom behind him, and even though you’ve been in there countless times before, being along with Noctis was pushing your mind into overdrive, your heart into arrest, and your primal want into a need. 

As you settled into bed with him, all cleaned up and still quite blazed, you snuggled up to his side and patted his arm in an upward motion. He looked down at you and grinned, lifting his arm up and allowing you to place your head on his shoulder. Tilting your body sideways, you closed your eyes and rested your hand on his chest. 

It was a relief to know that his heart was beating just as fast as yours.

“Happy 420,” he said randomly, causing you both to giggle.

“Happy 420, Noct.”

He planted what seemed like a long, overdue kiss on your forehead. Maybe the next time you smoke together, the two of you will finally be vocal about how you feel for each other.

[dudja]

Homicide Freestyle (Logic/Eminem) by Hemlock Did a freestyle to Logic & Eminem's "Homicide" // Produced by Bregma & Shrooms. Edited a cover made by the highly talented Sam Spratt. Let me know what you think, lyrics below. Available on all streaming platforms linktr.ee/theemattsayers IG: theemattsayers Twitter: hemlocklonewolf LYRICS: All these chicken heads not my concern Sure the early bird gets my worm Feel these balls howd they get so firm Judge n ya jury case adjurned Chikka chikka chikka chikka Dont Stan Chikka chikka whip it out Kick stand All white no clan Drop Logic in quicksand Then tell Em Imma big fan Body slam herbs like Vince McMan Half man half amazing no tran Dam this habit Ive had it so tragic Locked in this cage somebody come pad it No windows nah bitch ill nab it Dont be a square an iPad or a tablet Fuck dabbin sorry little maggot Gas you like a flatuating B Rabbit See I’m not famous least not yet Say what I want beast no regret Hear rap and wonder where the subs went Now its all hugs no drugs or substance Get away you feel that Jaws of life rhymes spit like a steel trap Appear wack lackies they fear Matt Cuz Imma wolf to a pack of some meerkats Bout to blow words are like nitrate How’d all these dickheads learn how to vibrate Cock eyed lookin at me side ways Have you go to sleep chokin on night shade Everything must be in its right place Imma mess for every fucken type A So clean up when I erupt like Pompeii Gentrified hire n fire any white maid Check the altitude Im battle proof Biters cant handle this jaw or my snaggletooth Dont tattle you didnt mean to rattle you But want beef poke n prod ya like cattle dude No contact just nuts still on that Spread my foreskin like a wombat Wonder woman yea where ya mom at Mere mortals aint ready for no combat So pop in a klonapin Not MGK, Token, or Hopsin So whos he? He aint poppin He raps tight but he white so not him This my time best clock in This for labels start knockin So quit talkin While I slay rappers an piss on the outlined bodies they chalked in Blanikan sky walk over Annikan My whole life is rap and dress mannequins No joke might get laid off Hope this rap shit pays off Broke the mold the clay tossed Everyone bout dough thats why they made soft Insane take the loss Yall characters to a main boss So what happen fuck no cappin Blow a load of kids in a Starbucks napkin