#twd shows do crap views

[frangipanilove]

Got some grit in the gearbox, Daryl?

Kudos to Sylvie for cutting through the crap and getting straight to the important stuff:

Back in TWD 6x14 Twice As Far, we were all baffled to learn that Daryl, our favorite southern redneck, for some inexplicable reason didn’t know how to drive a manual car. Yeah. Super weird.

In fact, it was so utterly incomprehensible, that the only possible logic behind including that bizarre scene in the episode would be for symbolism purposes.

Because in fact, in TWDDD 1x6 Coming Home, Daryl's response to Sylvie’s question “have you ever been in love”….

...was to change gears. Very demonstratively.

So clearly the man knows how to do it. Why did tptb so badly need us to know that Daryl didn’t know how to drive a manual car back in 6x14 Twice As Far?

This was Denise’s death episode, and she spent a considerable amount of her last minutes on the show explaining to Daryl how to change gears. It all seemed a bit odd. Why?

I’ve answered that question already. They did it for symbolism reasons.

When Denise joined the show in season six, TD immediately recognized her as a Beth proxy. She was also ultimately killed off by taking an arrow through the eye (Sirius symbolism). Daryl was very distraught from her death.

It’s not for nothing that she, the Beth proxy, was the one who (for symbolism reasons) had to teach Daryl Dixon how to change gears properly. Because not only would Daryl on a normal day obviously be perfectly able to drive stick (he literally built a motorcycle from spare parts! Come on! The man clearly knows his way around gears), he was also the one who fixed the music box back in 5x11 Them (yes the one that totally symbolizes Beth).

His diagnosis? Grit in the gearbox.

(I wish I could remember who first made me aware of the link between Daryl’s inability to properly change gears and the grit in the gearbox. It was likely @wdway or @angelthefirst1, as they’re both experts on catching parallels like these)

I want to take some time here to remind everyone about the meaning of the numbers 11, or “one one”. I’ve written extensively about it, both in the past and more recently. 5x11 “Them” was the eleventh episode of season 5. Remember this post about the connection between the words “record” and “heart”? A music box is part of the “recording studio” symbolism. A record player is a music box, illustrated below by the record player Daryl got for Judith in season 11, a record player in a box, a literal music box. The music box from “Them” is part of the “one one recording studio” symbolism I’ve talked about so much recently.

And the music box that symbolized Beth had “some grit in the gearbox” according to Daryl.

Let’s move on to the clock for a minute. After escaping from Madame Genet’s Maison Mere, they find a police car (Police = blue). Before they start driving, Laurent gives Daryl the clock, and Daryl attaches it to the rear view mirror. Remember there are strong navigational themes around the clock.

Remember Morgan’s rabbit’s foot from 5x8 Coda? It was literally one of the first things we saw on the show after Beth had "died".

We later learned in a flashback (in 6x4 Here’s Not Here) that it originally belonged to Eastman, who in turn had gotten it from his daughter. He told the story of how it gave him hope and a will to survive, it was truly a good luck charm.

We also saw in in 5x16 Conquer, hanging from the rear view mirror of a car, much like we saw Laurent's clock hanging from the rear view mirror in 1x6 “Coming Home”.

I talked about the symbolism around the rabbit's foot and rear view mirrors in my Sirius/North Star master post. Back then I interpreted it as something that was about "looking back", like "back in time", plus the obvious "back" = "coming back" = "return". In fact, we also saw a walker that appeared to have her head twisted around so that she was facing backwards, something which in my opinion further indicated a theme of "looking back". Again, this was directly after Beth had "died", and symbolically speaking, looking back would mean looking back at Beth's "death". Like, "Reverse! Everything is not quite what it seems".

The link between Sylvie's question about Daryl's love life, the clock and the music box from 5x11 Them is the grit in the gearbox. The gears. Immediately after Sylvie has asked her question, and Daryl has successfully changed gears, the car starts malfunctioning. Could it be grit in the gearbox perhaps?

The music box had grit in the gearbox, but he fixed it...

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

Let me set this straight. That spoiler disgusts me, and I'm NOT looking forward to see it. But from a “redemption arc” point of view where everything is coming back to him in some way or another (Brandon whistling and yelling”I'm Negan") it's not unreasonable they'd adress the “sex as a reward/bargaining chip” thing. I repeat, it's disgusting and I hate it, but at least there's some space for character development there.

Yeah I mean what Negan did in the past was all consensual...I’m just mad that they decided to take that path, the comics showed that this isn’t necessary to do so I don’t know why the writers think this is a good idea and not something else that would let him redeem himself more...

But yeah, I hate it too (can’t say how much) and I’m so fucking disgusted and as a twd fan who’s pretty used to gore and all other disgusting crap that really means something

[twdmusicboxmystery]

9x10: Music References and Ties to Beth

Okay, here goes. One of the things I really loved about this episode was how much of it revolved around music. The biggest things that jumped out to me were, of course, Lydia and the fact that her dad sings to her in flashbacks. There are some major Beth parallels going on here.

Because Beth was the song bird, we automatically tie any and all musical references to her. And there were TONS in this episode! We also saw the songbird pull the worm from the walker’s ear when this arc began (after Rick left) which gives us a lot of hope that Beth will show up somewhere in this arc. Keep in mind that doesn’t mean she has to show up this season, but we hope she will.

Alpha sang to Lydia and calling her “Bug.” Later, we find out it was actually her father who sang to her. That's significant because, back in S2, we saw Herschel not exactly singing to Beth but sort of chanting the rhyme to her about the doodlebug. It was their thing that they did together to bond and it brought her comfort when she got sick (emotionally/psychologically) after the walkers came out of the barn.

So anyway, Beth’s father called her Doodlebug and sang to her. There have been many theories by me and various members of TD about the doodlebug rhyme and the closely connected ladybug symbol, which we know is a major symbol for Beth. (Remember, she was associated with ladybugs in Still when she picked up ladybug off the leaf.)

We didn’t actually see Daryl watching Hershel sing to Beth, but he was probably aware of it, and he knew how close Beth was to her dad. We also know he watched her sing to Judith as a baby to comfort her, so he’s definitely seen people sing to their children before, specifically to keep them from being afraid. So, I really loved that when Lydia told the truth about her father singing to her when she was afraid, Daryl immediately recognized it as true and used it to differentiate Lydia’s truths from her lies. I think that’s super significant and can be tied directly back to Beth and Daryl’s memories of her.

On TTD, they said that the person who wrote the lyrics for the song Lydia’s father sang her (Lydia, the Tattooed Lady) is the same person who wrote all the songs for the Wizard of Oz (TWOO).

That's super important for several reasons. They went out of their way to point it out on TTD, which means they really want us to know about it. Obviously, knowing who the lyricist is, isn’t something we need to know in order to understand the show. They also reminded us that we'd seen Rick reading the Wizard of Oz book to Judith in 9A, before the bridge blew.

Now, I really need to update my Wizard of Oz theory, but remember the first place we saw the Wizard of Oz template was at Grady with Beth. Seeing it with Rick just reinforced that she's as much alive as Rick is. Both of them were injured and woke up in a faraway, strange land, separated from their friends and family. So, because we know Rick is alive, and they associated him with the TWOO template (Dorothy survives at the end of the story makes it back to her family; she doesn't die.) we can use that as evidence that Beth, too, is alive and well somewhere.

I also find it to be entirely too coincidental that they mentioned TWOO on TTD and in this episode, Daryl said to Lydia, “You don’t know shit about me.” Noah said that to Beth at Grady and he was also the one had the “of the Lollipop Guild” line. See the subtle ties? Tptb went out of their way to tie this episode heavily to TWOO and, by extension, to Grady.

Let's talk about the Tattooed Lady song. I looked at the lyrics and let's just say that there are a lot of extremely random references included in the song. 

Here they are:

Lydia, oh! Lydia, say have you met Lydia Oh! Lydia, the tattooed lady She has eyes that folks adore so And a torso even more so Lydia, oh! Lydia, that "Encyclopedia" Oh! Lydia, the Queen of tattoo On her back is the Battle of Waterloo Beside it the Wreck of the Hesperus too And proudly above the waves The Red, White and Blue You can learn a lot from Lydia She can give you a view of the world In tattoo if you step up and tell her where For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree Or Washington crossing the Delaware Oh! Lydia, oh! Lydia, say have you met Lydia Oh! Lydia, the tattooed lady When her muscles start relaxin' Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson Lydia, oh! Lydia, that "Encyclopedia" Oh! Lydia, the champ of them all For two bits she will do a Mazurka in Jazz With a view of Niag'ra that no artist has And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz You can learn a lot from Lydia. La la la La la la La la la La la la Come along and see Buff'lo Bill with his lasso Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon And Godiva, but with her pajamas on La la la La la la La la la La la la Here is Grover Whalen unveilin' the Trylon Over on the west coast we have Treasure Islan' Here's Nijinsky a doin' the Rhumba Here's her Social Security numba La la la La la la La la la La la la Lydia, oh! Lydia, say have you met Lydia Oh! Lydia, the champ of them all She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat And now the old boy's in command of the fleet

The song is about a woman who has tattoos all over her body. Most of them have to do with real people or historical events. So, the idea is that you can learn a lot from looking at her tattoos. Not all the references jump out at me as meaning something significant, but a lot of them do.

First, a LOT of them are water references. (Remember water =s Beth). It mentions the Battle of Waterloo, which I think is a dual symbol for the coming war with the Whisperers and also the fact that it includes “water” in the title.

It mentions The Wreck of Hesperus, which is a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow about a shipwreck. This one is super interesting to me because the captain of the boat wrecks his ship due to his arrogance. His little daughter is on board. I just couldn't help but think of this shot where we see this boat in the storm, talking about a sailor behind Hershel. 

I feel like we could substitute Herschel and Beth into this poem as the captain and his daughter.

The song mentions Treasure Island, which is an artificial island in San Francisco Bay. So again, more water references.

It also makes mention of different waves of the sea, Niagara, and the Crossing of the Delaware, which was when George Washington crossed the Delaware River in the dead of night to attack his enemies. For the record, that story is considered a modern-day miracle. It also mentions a fleet of ships tattooed across Lydia’s hips. There are probably a few other water references. Go through the lyrics and see for yourself.

Other references that jumped out at me include Buffalo Bill. I wondered if he, being a great hunter, could perhaps be a symbol of Daryl. One thing that caught my interest when I read about him was that he compared his strategy for hunting buffalo to a game of billiards. Obviously, we’ve see that in association with Beth and Daryl.

It talks about Capt. Jeffrey T. Spalding, who is a fictional character, but he was a great world explorer and went on many long journeys. Again, that reminds me of both Beth and Rick's long journeys.

It mentions the Trylon and Perisphere, which were central themes of the World's Fair in 1939. I wondered if perhaps that could point to the fair that's going to be at the Kingdom that they keep foreshadowing.

Finally, it also mentions a man named Vaslav Nijinsky who was a great ballet dancer. Music box anyone?

So I don't know if they mean for us to read into the references in Lydia, the Tattooed Lady. I think the a big part of the point of mentioning it on TTD was to point out it's ties to TWOO, which is clearly tied to Beth.

But we also did hear much of the song in the show, so I think that means the lyrics themselves are very important as well. I reserve the right to analyze the crap out of them. ;D

This is slightly off topic, but me, @frangipanilove and @wdway have also talked about the song, Somewhere Over the Rainbow from TWOO. The lyricist who wrote Lydia, the Tattooed Lady, Yip Harburg, also wrote all the TWOO songs, including the famous Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

We’ve talked about how a lot of the symbols in that song can easily tie to Beth. I’ve never talked about the song in my TWOO posts before, but obviously I should. The mural on the prison wall back in S4 included a rainbow, which is further proof that Beth’s arc and these symbols were planned back then, when Beth first came front and center.

@frangipanilove also pointed out that the shirt Sophia wore when she came out of the barn in S2 had a rainbow on it. That’s a great way to associate Beth with the Missing Girl theme. The song talks about wishing on stars (North Star Theory, Sirius/Dog Star Theory) and songbirds (Beth and the songbirds with Daryl and the tree walker in 5x06). And of course there’s the fact that Dorothy has a dog named Toto.

And keep in mind the basic plot of TWOO. Dorothy, who wore a lot of blue 

hits her head (obvious head injury) and passes out. She wakes up in a far away land, away from her friends and family and spends the entire episode trying to get home.

This is why I can totally see them first bringing Beth back somewhere other than TWD (perhaps in Fear or another spinoff) so they can tell her story without completely taking over the main story line. But we’ll just have to wait and see.

I also noticed that we see a rainbow on the wall near Lydia that mirrors the one at the prison. Hmm. Especially given all the water references, could Alpha function as the Wicked Witch? Really no idea. Just conjecturing. But remember that in TWOO, it’s water that defeats the villain. (I’m melting!) Just saying. ;D

So, this is been kind of a rambling post, but there's a lot of music floating around this episode, and I can't help but tie it to Beth and feel like she's very close. Thoughts?

[weapon13whitefang]

in the talking dead for the quiz they say that the box Michonne had, the things inside was inspired by To Kill a Mockingbird.If you've read the book the the Mockingbird represents someone innocent that has been injured or destroyed by evil(in the book Boo Radley,Tom Robinson,etc.) ( in the show I guess Rick can be a representation but mostly Beth in my eyes) considering the comparison of beth and birds lately, I would love to hear your opinion

Sorry it’s taken me awhile to answer you! I wasn’t ignoring you, I just had to find a way to really think about what you were asking and about the source material.

First off, I don’t watch Talking Dead anymore. I don’t have much like for Chris Hardwick after all the stuff I’ve learned about him and all the stuff that’s been proven… Yeah I just can not watch Talking Dead without wanting to throw something at Hardwick… You know I don’t much trust ya when I won’t even watch for my favorite actors on the show… I don’t know, maybe he really didn’t do the crap that was said but… I’m not seeing any evidence against it… So I don’t watch Talking Dead.

That said, I have gotten a break down of stuff that was talked about. And I gritted through a few scenes of it to listen to my favorite actors talk… And let me just say that, yes. I know the book To Kill A Mockingbird. I don’t know if it’s just a Midwestern school thing, but for most Missouri kids I know, To Kill A Mockingbird was one of those books you read every year until senior year. The first time I read the book was in fifth grade, over fifteen years ago… I can still recall how I felt after reading it to… It’s just one of those books that sticks with you like Lord of the Flies or Romeo and Juliet or The Great Gatsby – those books teachers shove down your throat because they have such important life topics.

You mentioned how the Mockingbird represents “someone innocent that has been injured or destroyed by evil (in the book Boo Radley, Tom Robinson, etc.)”. And you’re right in that, this is the main theme of the book that most people will point out… Interesting to note, though, that Harper Lee was never forthcoming with the symbolism and themes. But she was famous for saying that the story spells out the meaning of a code of honor and the conduct in the heritage of the Southerners. Which makes sense if you look at in a simplistic term, sure. Honor is the high respect you have for someone or something. Conduct is the manner in which a person behaves, especially on a particular occasion or in a particular context.

An example of this is basically the whole thing with Tom and Boo. Bob Ewell is the town drunk and known to be one mean and cruel man. But because Bob is white, because Mayella is white, and because poor Tom is a man of color, the view of what they know is right vs what they see as right is truly shown. It’s very very obvious in the book that Tom Robinson is innocent and that the stuff he’s being accused of, are things he couldn’t and wouldn’t do. People of the town know what kind of man Bob Ewell is… But because Bob and Mayella are white that’s enough for people to turn a blind eye to it and sentence poor Tom to be hanged. It doesn’t matter all the proof that Atticus had. It didn’t matter if Bob Ewell had been caught red handed, even. Because Tom was a black man, he was doomed. Ignorance, racism, and hatred play a big role in the undertone of the book and it is those key elements that lead to an innocent being killed. It’s what leads to people like Boo and Tom being hurt. Bob Ewell was a symbol of evil in that he was a cruel, racists,and unbearable man. But because he was white, Tom – a black man that was the symbol of innocence with Boo – was screwed.

There’s so much you can talk about when it comes to this book. There’s themes and undertones that you can pick at and everyone would have a different opinion. For me, this is a book of studying the moral nature of a person; are people good or evil? It’s highly noted that a single person can be good or evil, while people as a whole can be evil or do good. As individuals, the jury would probably have agreed with Atticus and Tom would’ve lived. But as a whole – to uphold an image of “pureness” – they made an evil choice because of an evil man… Yet it’s more than that. Scout and Jem in the beginning of the book believe that all people are good and innocent because the two have never been exposed to evil and they believe people have never been around evil so that makes them good and innocent. By the end of the book, they both have experienced what evil is and have to come to understanding with it and their view of the world. It’s through Atticus – who is an example of being able to see evil but not letting it change him to evil but instead also see the good and learn to see people as a whole in that they have good and bad in them,that nobody is truly evil to the core, but that things in life lead them down these paths that aren’t always just good and evil. That the world isn’t black and white, heroes and villains. It’s gray. That’s how I always saw the book,anyway.

So taking into account that this book has many themes, how do they apply to the show? First off, letting me know that was kind of interesting for me. Thanks for sharing that because it got me thinking a lot… In the box, Michonne specifically pulls out three things. A preserved four-leaf clover, what appears to be baseball cards, and the little sheriff figure with the gun. Lets focus on these things fora bit before I get to the mockingbird (And I will, just hold on for a second!)

Coming from an Irish and German background, I always loved trying to find four-leaf clovers at my grandma’s house. First off, the four-leaf clover is a very rare plant to find because they just generally do not grow with four leaves. They’re kind of a mutation of sort, basically…Anyway, each leaf on the four-leaf clover has a meaning according to my grandma. Faith, Hope, Love, and Luck. The regular three leaf I learned in bible school that it represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit and if you found a four-leaf, the fourth leaf was God’s Grace. So, finding a four-leaf clover was basically really good fortune for you, as in the holy trinity is watching over you and giving you grace.

There’s a lot of symbolism around the four-leaf clover really. After doing some digging, I learned that apparently in some biblical background stories about the Garden of Eden, Eve took a four-leaf clover with her to remember the place she and Adam were cast from (that’s kinda depressing but I get it). I also learned that apparently Druid priest used the four-leaf clover to ward off evil spirits in worship rituals. Also, in some cases,children and adults would hang a four-leaf clover over their doors to ward off bad omens, witchcraft, and evil spirits. In the Middle ages, they believed that those that carried a four leaf clover could see the fae folk. It was also believed to help ward off and give protection from The Evil Eye – which is basically a legend about a malevolent spirit of evil casting misfortune to someone; cause them to harm themselves by casting eyes on them. So the clover was like a “shield” against this gaze.

If there’s one thing that has happened to TF, it’s the cast of the evil eye upon them. Rick is “dead” (so they think) and their world has been cast astray of what they all know – which is following Rick’s leadership. Even with Michonne taking over (she doesn’t let them call her the leader but she basically is) everything is still not together – they’re all scattered away from one another and all lost with Rick gone, even after all this time. Finding a four-leaf clover – one basically buried away in a tomb van – shows a prospering future for Michonne and TF. Something they could all use… The clover is linked to the box, which means it’s basically a box of memories for someone…Just as the clover was a memory for Eve, that clover was for someone else…

I find it fascinating the Morgan and Michonne both found“lucky” items in abandoned vehicles.

Next up is the baseball cards – or at least that’s what they look like – and I’m wondering if that’s supposed to represent Negan. Finding the clover then the baseball cards in order… I’m thinking Negan is going to have a big hand in the future. Now obviously I could be wrong and maybe they’re just school photos or something like that and maybe they have nothing to do with good for Negan. But you say baseball and I automatically think of baseball bat and then I think of Negan. Plus the cards were wrapped up – imprisonment symbolism? Michonne would be the only one who could truly let Negan free… I’m not to sure about these cards but I do feel Negan with them.

Finally the little sheriff figure. Obviously, it’s for Rick. But what does a Sheriff represent in general? Well first off the Sheriff is supposed to represent keeping the peace. A sheriff protects the peace, enforces law, provides traffic control, investigates accidents, transports prisoners,and leads a community. I work for a Sheriff department, as luck would have it(for me, anyway) and I can tell you something neat. The badge we all know – the star badge – was taken because it was cheaper and easier to make than the original badge – which was an eagle shaped/themed badge. Plus the star is a symbol of all fifty states and the Sheriff wears the star with his state and his county name printed on it. So it’s his American shield/symbol of bringing peace.

Rick being a Sheriff is really interesting for me since I started working with the Sheriff of my county. Throughout the last eight years of TWD, I have seen Rick do basically everything I just described above… But he’s also been very much the complete opposite of what a Sheriff is supposed to stand for. I mean Rick has murdered before. He stabs Shane after luring him into a false sense of peace, straight up put a machete through Thomas’s head at the prison, strangles a Claimer to death and rips the throat of another open…Like Rick has done a lot of shit a Sheriff shouldn’t do… But he is still a symbol of peace and future, which is what a Sheriff is.

So with those items aside, lets talk about a Mockingbird. In the book, there’s a quote about the Mockingbird, which is supposed to be part of the symbolism we talked about above. The line is said by Atticus and later affirmed by Miss Maudie, I believe. It goes as followed:

“Rememberit’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it.

“Your father’s right,” she said. “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy . They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corn cribs,they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”

This line is the main line for the title of the book and is basically the key metaphor explored by people. It’s true that Boo and Tom are indeed part of this symbolism. The mockingbird is a symbol that good, innocent people are destroyed by evil. Tom is destroyed by evil and I believe he’s even likened to a songbird that was slaughtered by children (or something like that, I’d have to dig my copy out and really read it again… Which I just might…). For Boo, he was destroyed by the evil that is his abusive father long ago, but he was still just good and gentle and didn’t cause no harm and saved Jem and Scout. Scout even makes a wise comment that hurting poor Boo would be like shooting a Mockingbird – it would be a sin to punish something/someone who has done nothing but try to be a good soul.

I believe the reason they decided to use To Kill A Mockingbird for this episode is because of Magna, Yumiko, Connie, Kelly, and Luke… And for Michonne. Think about it. There’s a trial scene. At this point,Judith would be Scout and even a bit of Boo. Michonne is being a Bob Ewell (funny how that works) and Magna and her group are Tom Robinson.

Michonne bases Magna and the whole group on one simple thing– Magna was a convict. She basically riled up a lynch mob with everyone and made the group out as these monsters that would stab them all in their sleep…Just as Bob painted Tom as some kind of big violent rapist. Judith was basically Scout and Boo. Judith saved them and brought them in, but she also killed to protect them (sure they were just walkers but yeah). Think about the character Scout and the Character Boo and then think about Judith. Judith can basically be considered “innocent” (I use that lightly because the girl isn’t completely innocent, she knows things, but she’s not grown enough to experience what true evil is). Judith is Scout in that she sees these people and assumes “good” because it’s something she just sees. Now obviously Magna and them are good, but what if they weren’t? Judith wouldn’t be able to see it. It wouldn’t take much to pull the cloak over a child’s eye, even one as quick witted and smart as Judith.

I believe that’s part of the reason we had her speaking against Negan. What Negan says is true about people. They can look real nice and seem real nice, but they can turn on you real quick and do damage. Funny enough, Negan is basically an anti-Atticus in his own right. He knows what is real good and what is real evil, but he lets himself make his own choices and runs an evil path. Atticus knew the difference between evil and good but stayed good and kind. Which, yeah, Rick fits this mold with a little push… But it’s also Daryl who fits this role the most and that’s something as well.

Anyway, Michonne was basically going to get Mockingbirds killed. Magna and them haven’t done anything evil that we know of so they’re not far from sin, but they are people that have done no wrong to the people that have helped them and have shown to be good and even democratic (the whole voting scene) and that’s our evidence that they’re good people just trying to survive. Michonne would basically be doing what Scout told Atticus about Boo –it would be like shooting a mockingbird to send them off. And I agree that Rick would have helped them too… He would’ve been wary and he would’ve been watching the new people, but Rick would’ve given them a chance to prove themselves as good. Michonne wasn’t doing that. She was stone walling them out – being a child throwing rocks at the mockingbirds.

Now… I know you asked about Beth. The more I think about it, Beth was an Atticus. She knew the world was full of evil… But she knew there were good people and knew that you had to see people for their strengths and weaknesses to see their whole and see them for who they were as a whole. Beth was like Jem and Scout too. She hadn’t experienced real evil until watching her father be beheaded… But she wavered in her belief of good people with Dawn and that put her at how Jem was towards the end of the book. But if she were around now, Beth could’ve been an Atticus…

Which leads me back to Daryl. If there’s anyone that fits the mold of Atticus, it’s Daryl… At least he did. Right now I’d say he’s more of a Jem. Lost his faith in systems and his beliefs of there being anymore good people… By the end of the book, Jem becomes distant in his belief of good people and justice. Daryl was an Atticus but now he’s a Jem… But he can become an Atticus again, which I believe will happen as the season goes on.

To be honest with you, the only thing bird related I’ve seenwith Beth was the bird cage in her cell room back in season 4. The birdcage in media – art or otherwise – is generally a symbol of lost freedom for a bird but also a frame of appreciation for their natural wonder. The birdcage is a symbol as much as the actual bird encased. For example, when I hear someone speak of a caged bird I always think of Sweeny Todd and the song “Green Finch and LinnetBird” that Johanna sings. In the song, Johanna compares herself to the caged bird and how she is trapped in the judges house, how her dream is to be free of her imprisonment and also talks of her inability to cope with the fact she will probably never escape. It’s always that song that comes to mind when I think of a bird cage and honestly it’s probably the most symbolic image and song I can think of. A bird that sings jubilantly and carefree while trapped in a cage…Yeah. That sounds like Beth. She still sings and still shows peace and acceptance even when she is basically in a giant bird cage in season 4 – the prison.Later – in season 5 at Grady – Beth still sings and is still an imprisoned bird, but she’s not as jubilant as she was. Rather she is like Johanna – she is trapped and isn’t sure how she’s to get free. But unlike Johanna, Beth isn’t disillusioned to her captivity and knows she’ll get free.

Now what about a Mockingbird? Well let’s talk about the bird itself. I know some people like @twdmusicboxmystery believe that the bird Daryl sees in 9x06 is an Osciner bird – the Songbird. But I believe it really is supposed to be a Bluebird or a Mockingbird, which IS a type of Songbird. I’m leaning more towards it being a Mockingbird since that’s part of the story in9x06. So Mystery isn’t wrong, I just believe it’s a different type of songbird than what they think it is.

And if it is the Mockingbird – which I believe it is – then that’s also a symbol for Daryl in that he doesn’t kill the bird and he doesn’t destroy it’s food source with the walker. He doesn’t commit a sin. He lets it live. And seeing a bird feeding it’s young and letting it live is definitely Daryl as a Boo Radley. Boo Radley was horribly hurt by his own father – like Daryl– and shut himself from the world because he wanted to be away from all the pain and horribleness the outside world can offer. That is what Daryl has basically done – shut himself way from people and their societies to “protect” himself from their troubles and pain. Loosing Rick put Daryl there but since Tyreese’s death – yes even with Beth’s death – Daryl has been pulling away and it’s no surprise he reached that point with Rick’s departure.

I know I’m not giving some deep meaning into the whole “Here’s all this that shows that Beth could be alive” and for that I’m sorry. I know that’s what you wanted me to answer, was probably hoping for… But I don’t see much symbolism around this bird and Beth and Daryl. I believe the bird is representing the To Kill A Mockingbird theme and that Daryl has his place as Boo at the moment, but is also an Atticus in his own right but needs to find his balance again. Which Daryl has a balance, he’s just off kilter right now.Understandably so.

This isn’t me shitting on anyone. I believe too many people are putting TOO MUCH emphases on all these things being related to Beth. I don’t have any connection for birds and Beth except for one thing and that’s Beth back at the prison and while she was in Grady because of that birdcage. People want to point out Carl seeing a bird cage back in season 4 with a dead bird on the ground and I think that was to symbolize how Carl was feeling and what he was going through – that he was a bird that escaped a cage but he has a chance of dying like the bird, who was probably caged it’s whole life and once free it didn’t know how to care for itself. But Carl wasn’t going to be the bird. He was going to survive and carry his dad along. Which he did. Sure he dies later,but for that scene and for that moment, Carl didn’t let himself become the dead bird.

So… I guess – posting all of this – I don’t really have anything to add to Beth and Birds and symbolism besides to say that sorry I don’t have anything but maybe reading what I’ve posted will give you a thought to go with your connections for Beth?

Thanks for asking me, by the way. This was pleasantly stimulating.

[sienna27]

TWD Spoilers - Dead Or Alive Or (8x11)

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This is not a cheery post so unless you’re in the mood for grumbling, look away!

First, that’s awesome how they made Tara a fucking moron.  I mean, could we go one story arc without someone either playing the Raging Avenger (Carl/Rick/Morgan/Michonne/Daryl/Rosita/Tara) or a Complete Pacifist (Morgan/Jesus/Carol/Gabriel/Eugene/Ezekiel)?  I get it, feelings are hard, and they’re a little bit harder in the Apocalypse, but Christ, they play these same storylines over and over, year after year,and it really kind of feels like there are OTHER stories to tell.  You know.  And we finally get to a moment where Rosita and Daryl are working a hundred percent off intellect and not emotion, and here comes freaking Tara to play Bonehead of the Week!  Yes Tara, we know you want Dwight dead.  We all want Dwight dead.  It’s not the time!  He had just proven himself to be INCREDIBLY ‘helpful’ with the swamp escape route, and then you go run him off like an asshole.  Oh but wait, that finally presented an opportunity for him to truly prove to her that he’s on their side.  Who gives a shit!?  She and Daryl still plan on killing him at the end, so *shrug* to that big revelation.   It just raised another moment of making me actively dislike a character that I was previously fond of.   I honestly felt this sickening turn in my stomach seeing her pull out her gun, and all I could think was, ‘nope, you do this, I’m done here.’   This might have been another thing coming out of the comics, but either way, they keep ruining people.   Eugene used to be Amusing/Annoying but basically likable, if not frustrating.  Now tonight he’s a Full On Piece of Shit Douchebag and I am fine with him getting tossed in the oven because I don’t even have a general level of ‘fondness’ for him anymore.  Like if he’d died last year at least I’d think, ‘oh that sucks.’  Now he deserves whatever he gets.  Fuck him.  And Rosita, even if she’s using her brains again she’s still not redeemed from the Raving Bitch cycle she went through all of last year.  I don’t blame her for Olivia, that was Glenn all over again, but I do blame her for Sasha.  She got her captured and killed, and she was hateful to her all the way to the end.  So again, don’t really care what happens to her anymore.  King E was a fun likable dude, but then his little pity party he threw himself when he refused to help his people deal after the massacre.  Not a fan at all, of grown men throwing themselves pity parties. Don’t care if he had borrowed a vagina by the time Gavin died.  I just see him now as weak willed and I have no vested interest in his survival.  Perhaps some people might think I’m being a little harsh writing so many of them off for having ‘foibles,’ but you can’t build a show around people who are already Anti-Heroes (having to kill just to get by in the world) and then then make the ‘good people’ lack basic moral fiber outside of the killing.  What the hell am I rooting for?    Assholes and idiots.  Super.  Basically, they’re kind of burning me out on Team Family.   

And back along the lines of stupid, oh, oops, we killed another doctor.  Because doctors are Red Shirts in the Apocalypse.  I get that at this point it has to kind of be an inside joke for production that they kill ALL the doctors, but as a viewer it kind of takes you out of the moment watching them CONSTANTLY murder every doctor, always KNOWING that they’re mother f’ing doctors.  There are no more schools!  The doctors you have now.... that’s all the doctors.  Ever.  But yeah, kill them all.  I was kind of cranky already when I watched tonight but this is one type of stupidity that has genuinely angered me since the pattern emerged.  This is TWO doctors now that the Saviors have put down like there’s a frigging Doctor Tree and they’ll just go pluck another one.  But wait, there is no Doctor Tree.  And now there are no doctors.  😑

Also along with that scene, so Gabriel’s the blind one, yet Carson couldn’t keep track of the whole TWO people standing around him, and that’s why he gets shot.  Totally believable.  

Maggie. The LC crap tainted her.  I was afraid it would happen, and it did.  I tried to watch her but then the character was being obnoxious too, (let’s give rations we don’t have, and fun prison perks to the people who will slit your throat the second they’re given a chance, super great leadership) so I ended up muting her because I don’t care to listen to her talk anymore either.  And I absolutely think that the Savior dude (don’t even know his name) who tries so hard to play nice with her, is going to end up being the first one to turn on them and kill someone in the camp.  Fingers crossed for the J-man...but I know that’s not going to happen.

Anyway, I know this was kind of a bummer review but I really wasn’t in a great mood while I was watching so I was already viewing with a negative slant, and honestly I thought the show would make that better but it really just made it worse.   I think I would have been okay with the episode up to the halfway point, because that’s when all the stupid/obnoxious shit started happening.   Also the caryl reunion didn’t help because AGAIN, they showed the whole thing in the teaser!  WHY?!  I mean, why?  Why?  

Why.   

At this point, they have literally shown us every single moment they’ve either shared together, or has been ‘intimated’ about the ship, in a teaser.  Every moment.  And every time I think, ‘they’re not going to blow their whole wad, they’ve got more on the reel.’  Except they don’t.  They just keep blowing their wad.  So if that’s the plan of the Einstein Monkeys working in marketing, I don’t feel the need to watch any longer for them.  Seriously.   Because eleven episodes into the season, I am one hundred percent positive that if they’re going to have them screwing by season’s end, that we’ll just see that on an official website release plastered all over YouTube.  So why waste my time continuing to watch all this other stuff that’s bugging me?  Again, I know I’m grumpy tonight but it feels like the right thing to step away now before I genuinely sour on the show.  Right now it’s still individual characters that are fading to black for me.  I still love Daryl and Carol, Rick and Michonne.  Not much more, admittedly, (Aaron/Morgan) but I don’t think outside of Morgan, those other five will be going anywhere anytime soon so I’d like to come back to their world when I feel like I'll enjoy being there.  That’s not happening on our current path.

And Carylers, I’ll still be writing (I really do have an update for this week) and I’ll be here doing my little photosets and if anything happens, please do let me know.  It’s not frustration about the ship driving me away so don’t add me to the Debbie Downer negativity list, because that’s not it.  It’s the larger arc that’s pushing me off.  I just need Negan, et al, to be gone, and take whatever collateral damage is going with them, away, and we can all start fresh with something new in season nine.  So, adieu for now.  And anyone sticking with them, I honestly hope you enjoy the rest of the season :)

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[keagan-ashleigh]

I finally caught up on The Walking Dead s6 and started s7. Ok now I’m gonna cry all night in foetal position.

Ahem mofftiss, you think you got something big and groundbreaking in TFP? You don’t. Take notes. What I just saw, that was something that held my breath for two hours top, and the gore don’t play much on that (  [big spoiler in the four following lines] ) the moment I lost it and burst out crying was just when it was over, when Maggie looked at her husband’s lifeless body and decided to keep fighting while each piece of herself was breaking inside of her, that’s when I lost it, and all what I saw before in that ep came in at once and I realised what actually happened). I’m not saying that’s something to copy or that TWD is better than Sherlock overall, but if your point is to psychology exhaust your audience to the point they just stop moving, just because they’re nailed to their chair by what is happening, that’s how you do it. That thing with Euros, playing with people, that was not well done, but it could have. Proof is, others did it before, they’re doing it currently, and will do it again. This could have been a fucking good story, this could have been breathtaking, because in itself the idea wasn’t bad - in a rather different way, the idea in the ep of The Walking Dead is the same, that’s a matter of psychological manipulation and leverage used to bend people’s mind to fit a point of view, an ideal, put like that you see how similar that is. But on one hand you have a crap episode and on the other you have something really good, and by comparing the two you see very clearly what is missing in the crap one. What was bad in TFP is the fact all characters development and connections between the characters were erased in favour of the spectacular, so it turns out to be pompous and a lot of showing off. Which TWD did not, they took it and made it a fucking masterpiece, because from A to Z, the people and their stories, their journeys, their development and connections, so who they are, are fully respected and that makes a whole damn difference. “Who you are matters” is also something to take in account when you write a story, without it, well you can make something entertaining but it will never be really good. TFP was bad for a lot of reasons, but this one, this utter disrespect of who the characters are, is what makes it shit. Sorry, I wasn’t gonna talk about Sherlock at first, but then I just couldn’t not see the link between the two, and how easy it would’ve been to make TFP brilliant even with the idea of Euros being a mind manipulator playing a game à la Saw. It could have worked. It didn’t. But the ep I just saw, it wrecked my mind and I feel like a big trunk hit me at full speed. This is how TFP could have made me feel. What a wasted opportunity...

[theopenroadbeforeme-blog]

It’s been an adventure-less summer.  Breaking my leg at the end of April meant that I spent most of the season getting to the point where I could walk again.  While I’m still not 100%, I am finally able to be active, so I was eagerly awaiting my trip to Taiwan to meet up with my friends Grizz and Tam.  We’d planned it out: we were going to road trip on scooters down to Hualien, check out the epic Taroko National Park for a few days, then make our way back to Taipei.  I couldn’t wait, so when Grizz and Tam unexpectedly had to make a trip back Stateside, I decided to carry on and do the trip myself.

Day 1: Taipei to Hualien

I’d made arrangements to book the bike through Bike Farm.  Jeremy, the owner, is well-known among the expats and travelers who ride scooters around the island, and his service has gotten great reviews.  So, to start off the journey, I met him in southern Taipei and we took the bike to get the fuel gauge fixed.

When that was done, I headed off down Highway 9, only making it a short way before the bike died on me.  Deciding one occurrence might just be a fluke, I carried on, only to have it die again mere minutes later.  Deciding it was better to be safe than sorry, I turned around and took it back to Jeremy.  We managed to replicate the problem, and he ordered a new carburetor to fix the issue.  After an inconvenient but pleasant enough wait (listening to Taiwanese pop and Linkin Park while eating some sort of bao) I headed off again, this time with no bike troubles.  Or so it seemed…

The drive to Hualien starts off through city streets, but the road swiftly narrowed and I found myself switch-backing through a thickly forested range of foothills.  Small clusters of buildings lined the roadside, with temples and rice paddies making the occasional appearance.

It was a beautiful day — stunning blue skies with puffy white clouds scooting across them, the damp, earthy smell of Nature, and — most worryingly — the slow warmth of the sun slowly turning my skin into leather.  It was a day for multiple applications of sunscreen, which I was diligent about!

When the road finally reached the coast, the views were amazing.  Taiwan’s coastline (at least that part of it) isn’t a beaches and piña coladas type of affair.  It’s epic cliffs, mountains rising out of the ocean, hairpin turns on roads with sheer plunges over the edge if you happen to miss one.

It was a fantastic route, but the delay of earlier had cost me, and darkness fell when I was still far away from Hualien.  The last two hours were a scary slog, along winding roads with trucks and other traffic coming from both directions.  To top it all off, the problem we thought had been fixed resurfaced during the last 25 kilometers.  By the time I got to Hualien, I was in a foul mood and ready for the day to be over.  ‘It was 90% awesome,’ I told myself, over and over again.

Luckily, my AirBnB turned out to be a wee gem, and I immediately felt comfortable there.  Which was good, because it was time for a shower.  I was an absolute mess — I had dirt caking my face and arms.  No wonder I’d been getting strange looks!

Hey! Want to help me travel more?  If you haven’t signed up for AirBnB yet, do it by CLICKING HERE, and we’ll each get a credit with AirBnB.  How’s that for awesome?

Hualien was a great little town, which I’ll write more about HERE.  I stayed for three nights, which was a pretty good amount of time to get a feel for the city and do what I wanted there.  Want to know what that was?  Read the post linked above 😉

Day 2: Hualien to Sqoyaw via Taroko National Park

Thursday came quickly, and I left my AirBnB and headed for my keynote destination: Taroko Gorge.  I was nervous, unsure if I could trust the bike to get me through the difficult terrain.  Luckily (kinda), it decided to act up before I even entered the national park, so I was able to stop at a mechanic who tinkered with it, fixed it, and sent me on my way with a wave, only accepting my ‘thank you’ as payment.  He was the first of many that day who would show me kindness.

Taroko Gorge is Taiwan’s premier natural tourist attraction, and for good reason.  Even its name gives a clue.  Taroko means ‘magnificent and splendid’ in the native tribe’s language, and it is an entirely apt description.  Huge mountains tower around as the access road hugs their sides and winds its way above the river bed.  Taroko is the deepest marble canyon in the world, and when you’re down inside it’s not too hard to believe.  The place is jaw-dropping.

Even after the main part of the gorge, the views in Taroko are phenomenal.  Sure, things widen up a bit and it’s not so looming and in-your-face, but the scenery is awe-inspiring nonetheless.  I stopped more times than I can remember, checking out waterfalls, pagodas, and anything that caught my fancy.  Nathan was in paradise.

Further on, a sign caught my eye, indicating the road would soon climb to over 2500 m.  Another one past that marked 3000 m!  A trio of motorcyclists had stopped on the roadside ahead to take pictures of the vista, so I joined them.  It was like watching a painting come to life.  The clouds rolled like waves over the peaks and gorge, blanketing the landscape.  Minutes after taking the picture below, the clouds were pulled like a shroud over our eyes and all we could see was white.  The stress of the morning and its scooter problems disappeared, and I felt absolutely ecstatic.  This… this was the grand adventure I’d come seeking…

I mean, c’mon… How can views like this be legal?

I carried on and went from looking out over a sea of clouds to being in the sea of clouds.  Mist enveloped the road, limiting visibility to mere meters ahead.  I went slowly, as the steep drops on my left and cliff face on my right both promised uncomfortable outcomes if I made a mistake.

I realized something, as I drove those roads.  I was cold.  At those elevations, the cloud forest of Taroko National Park is not a balmy place, and I began seriously having doubts about my plan to sleep in a hammock outside.  Maybe not such a good idea.  I decided to back-burner that decision and see how the temperature and weather were closer to evening.

That time drew near, and I was still high (altitude, Mom) and cold.  It was time to look for a hotel.

I finally made it to Lishan — my way-point of choice — and was immediately repulsed by the place.  I’m not sure why; maybe it was just a little too touristy, dirty, and hectic for me in my road-weary state.  Whatever the reason, I didn’t even stop on my way through and decided to look for accommodation further along the road….

…which led me to the tiny village of Sqoyaw, shown on Google Maps as Pingdeng Village.  Home to the Huanshan tribe of Atayal natives, Sqoyaw is a tiny little place nestled among the surrounding hills.  The thing which had initially attracted my attention there was a small cafe by the name of Sqoyaw, which has a perfect rating on Google Maps.  I was intrigued.  We were in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by farms and tribal land.  What would the cafe be like?

Turns out, freakin’ awesome.  Not only was it awesome, it might just be my favorite cafe in Taiwan!  Great interior design, fresh-baked goods, fantastic coffee, and a super friendly barista hooked me immediately.  In case you don’t realize how much I appreciate coffee and cafes, here’s some perspective.  I actually entertained the idea of moving to Sqoyaw.  Just for a moment or three.  But still, I did.  Because of the cafe.  It only helped things when the barista gave me my berry roll for free. How wonderful…

Warmed both inside and out, I said my goodbyes and made my way to the village proper.

The access road to Sqoyaw is small and steep, and the rain had just started as I made my way down.  Finding a hotel was tricky, as there were no signs in English, and I hadn’t done any research whatsoever.  Luckily, a man who noticed me driving in confused circles flagged me down and led me to a building when I signed that I wanted a place to sleep.

An older woman came out, shooing me inside as the rain began to dump in earnest.  My room was a small one, with a comfortable double mattress and sliding rice-paper and wood doors.  It linked to a huge living room area and shared a bathroom with a similar room, which was unoccupied.  It was perfect.  I pulled out my wallet to pay and realized I might have a problem.

“How much?” I asked, making the universal sign for money.

“Ee chun,” she replied, which I was actually able to understand (1000 TWD).

Crap.

I had exactly 735 TWD to my name, as well as a bank card which — I had a feeling — was going to do me very little good.

“Card?” I asked, pulling it out.

She laughed and reached for my 700 TWD in bills.

“Okay, okay.”  She communicated through sign language that she wouldn’t be able to include food in the rate, but I hadn’t expected her to, so that was fine.

I fell asleep that night in a wonderful bed, with the sound of rain drumming the tin roofs of the village around me.

Day 3: Sqoyaw to Taipei

Morning came, and with it came hunger.  See, my money problems extended to food as well.  I didn’t have enough cash for food, no places took credit or debit cards, and there were no ATMs for an hour in either direction.  Getting the hotel had depleted my cash reserves, and I was in a pinch.  I’d eaten a bag of dried nuts for dinner, which hadn’t done much for my 80 kg frame, and my stomach was scolding me for it.  But when I left my room and made to leave on my bike, the hotel owner waved me into her restaurant and fed me rice and pumpkin porridge and a roll.  The rest of the spread looked fantastic, but that was for people who had paid the full rate.

I scarfed my free meal, thanked the owner for all that she’d done for me, posed for a photo in front of the hotel, and left the tiny town of Sqoyaw behind.  “Welcome to Sqoyaw!” a worker shouted at me as I left.

Close enough.

The Ayatal village of Sqoyaw

I had three very pressing concerns as I started my final stretch of the road trip.  One: I was ravenously hungry.  The rice porridge had been a drop in the abyss that is my belly and merely served to waken the demon inside me.  Two: I was running a little low on gas.  I had enough to get me another hour or so down the road.  And three: I had almost no cash, only 35 TWD to my name.  That’s just over $1 USD.

So when I made it to Nashan and found out the petrol station there accepted cards, that was an immense relief.  When I found a Family Mart down the road, I just about squealed. Family Marts (for those of you back home) are little convenience stores which happen to take cards AND have ATMs.  I was able to withdraw some money, get a real meal, and carry on with all three of my concerns dealt with.  All within a couple hundred meters of each other!  Way to use up all your good karma in one go, Nathan.

The road wound down through fields and along a huge river basin before joining Highway 7.  I went west on the Cross-Island route, which rose quickly to high elevations — leaving the riverbed behind and working its way into a thick pine forest dripping with mist.  The area was gorgeous and almost felt like Olympic National Park back home.

I wanted to stop and stay in those hills, to pitch a tent and just chill for a few more days, but one-week vacations don’t allow for that type of crazy, and I had to keep moving.  I was meeting Jeremy from Bike Farm at 4:00 in Taipei, so I kept a good pace throughout the day and didn’t linger too long at any one spot.

That said, a definite must for those with time is the Mingchi National Forest Recreation Area.  The forest there is amazing, and waterfalls can be seen along the side of the road.  Honestly, parts of it reminded me of Fiordland in New Zealand, but with slightly smaller trees.

By the time I hit Daxi, I was ready to be done.  It had been an amazing journey, but the road was getting more and more urban and my bum was sore.  So when the rain started to fall, I gritted my teeth and pushed on, only stopping for a little more gas and a fantastic pee on the way.  I even managed to get to the meeting point 30 minutes early!  Scooter problems aside, it was a fantastic trip, and I was buzzing with excitement for the rest of the day.

Feel like doing the same trip?  Well, you’re in luck! I’ve gone ahead and made a Google Map of the route.  Each day is its own section, and I marked several key points (the hotel in Sqoyaw and Sqoyaw Cafe, specifically!).  I HIGHLY recommend taking Highway 7 up through the center of the island.  Cheese and crackers, that’s a beautiful drive!

Ever been to Taroko National Park? How was your experience? Any recommendations? Fill me in down below in the comments! Riding a Scooter from Taipei to Taroko and Back Again It's been an adventure-less summer.  Breaking my leg at the end of April meant that I spent most of the season getting to the point where I could walk again. 

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

TWD ~ Negan Imagine - “The Key”

An imagine about the 12th episode of season 8

After the Reader and Negan grow even closer, Rick’s attack on him forces her to face a bunch of emotional challenges in order to save Negan

the last part /all other previous parts (You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

The warm sun rays danced over your skin as you stood on one of the Sanctuary’s platforms by the fences, seeing Negan walking around and checking if his men were gutting all of the walkers. The sounds of the splashing organs could be heard till the platform and you were more than thankful that the wind was in your favor and carried their rotting reek into another direction as you leaned against the metallic railing and hoped that all these guts wouldn’t even find a use.  Even more, that you could try to find a deal with your friends before worse could happen, just like Negan had promised you. Your glance wandered back to him as you saw him walking up to Simon who was kneeling in front of an already heavily putrid walker and was burying his weapons deeply inside the dark red mass. You could hear their voices talking but couldn’t hear what they said until Negan’s laugh sounded through the air while he walked further along the fence. As soon as he had his back turned, the big smile that had laid on Simon’s face hushed and turned into a frown, his brows puckered while a heavy huff seemed to rumble through his body that let tension in you grow. You had already noticed that Simon and Negan had their disputes over the last time but something about the way Simon looked right now gave you a very odd feeling. For moments, your gaze was stuck on Simon and his cold stare before he got back to work and your glance darted instead at Negan who turned around and looked up at you. A mix between a wide smirk and a smile was plastered over his face as his eyes were glued on you while a bit of the familiar warmth grew in your body with each more second he looked at you. Negan let out a throaty chuckle as he gave you a teasing wink, before he made his way back to the fences, swinging Lucille joyfully in his hands.

The wind began to turn as you felt the awful reek beginning to travel up your nose that made you realize that you should find some other platform if you didn't want to have the smell of walker guts and blood stuck up your nose for the rest of the day. You wandered back inside the dark hallways, trying to avoid the dark thoughts of the grief about Carl that was still stuck in your bones from welling up in you again before you found your way to a smaller platform that darted at the woods and gave you a peaceful view onto the trees that were swinging softly in the wind. Letting yourself fall onto a rusty chair at the platform’s end you let out a strained breath as you felt your muscles aching slightly before your thoughts drifted off. The warmth in you body grew some more as your mind drifted back to your morning with Negan, his breath that had ghosted over your skin and the small kiss he had placed on your lips as soon as your eyes had fluttered open. You both had different reasons why you were toddling into this all a bit slower and carefully but still, there was next to the new feeling you had when kissing him something that already felt oddly familiar and intimate as well. The day passed by and more often than you had thought Negan left his people to go spend his breaks with you, while you could still feel how much he was trying to show you that he was willing to do his very best to make up the things that had happened in the truck after your first kiss. By now, the sun was already gone for hours from the sky as you laid back into the pillows of the large bed and sunk into their soft fabric as Negan let himself fall next to you. “Simon’s still out, getting the last guts done. He’s full on board again”, Negan mumbled as he shifted back into the pillows and propped one of his arms behind his head. “You sure?”, you asked, the scene from before shooting back into your mind as Negan’s brows perked interested up. “Why?” “He just...I saw you talking to him earlier...he changed his mood from stoked to keyed up a bit too quick for my taste after that”, you said as Negan let out a sigh before a small chuckle left his lips. “Probably still got his nuts twisted”, he mumbled as he ran a hand over his jaw and gave you a small smirk before he rose his voice again. “I know he’s got his problems with the way I handle shit but as long as he keeps his goddamn grudge in line and does his fucking job, crap will work out and he’s gonna get that it’s the right fucking way”, he added, before some tension sneaked up in him as he let out a sigh, his brows puckering for a small moment. “We save people, we don’t fucking slaughter them”, Negan grumbled and before you could say anything else a small wince shook through your body while a small groan left your lips as you felt the aching of your muscles once again. “Knotted up?”, Negan asked as he watched your face twisting in response to your hurting muscles. “Hmm...yeah”, you mumbled, reaching over your shoulder to soothe the painful spot with your fingers. “Get out of that top”, you suddenly heard Negan say, your head snapped up as you looked into his grinning face as your brows perked in confusion up. “What? Don’t want a massage from these magic fingers”, he asked, his tongue sliding over his lips as his hand slid slightly up, his fingers moving in a teasing rhythm. It didn’t need much persuasion considering the growing aching of your back, so  you found yourself just a few minutes later laying on your stomach in the bed, the top pulled down to your hips while Negan was in the bathroom, searching for some body lotion or oil. “Ready?”, you heard him call from the bathroom as he seemed to close some cabinet with a small thud.  “Yep”, you called back, shifting a little bit on the sheets before you heard his heavy footsteps coming closer, the mattress slightly bending beneath his weight as he crawled towards you and eventually placed himself on top of your body. “Here we go”, you heard him mumble, swirling the top off of something before you felt some oil trickling down onto your skin. You closed your eyes as soon as you felt his warm hands placing on your back, a small shiver running through your body as soon as you felt his touch. Slowly, he let his palms slide over your skin, spreading the oil as his thumbs began to draw circles as soon as his hands reached your aching shoulder blades. You began to relax beneath his fingers that kept working on your skin as his hands ran over your back, soothing the pain that was stuck in your muscles. “You’re doing a great job at making up”, you mumbled teasingly with a small grin as you let your head sink deeper into the soft pillow. “Oh I’d do that also without having to make some shit up...but anyway, feels damn good, huh?”, he mumbled, the smirk on his lips clearly audible through his words as his fingers slid along your spine. “Yeah”, you mumbled, as you felt him continuing his soothing movements, his hands cupping your waist to let his thumbs circle over your skin, building a little pressure up with every moment to soothe your muscles.

Gradually, he found the spots that were bothering you as the circles and slides of his fingers let you hum contently in response. “Fuck, stop with those moans or my eleventh finger’s gonna do some work on you”, he chuckled as you let out a small laugh and suddenly felt his fingers brushing over your ticklish spot. “Hey! Negan, no”, you laughed, squirming beneath him as you reached back with your arm, trying to stop him from turning this massage into a tickle torture. His throaty chuckle sounded through the room as he brushed one last time over the spot, just to tease you, before he thankfully got back to letting his hands work on your skin. His palms slid down to the small of your back, his large hands letting that warmth grow in your body while his fingers trailed back up to let them do their magic on the back of your neck. The massage began to let you swing in a comfortable trance, his touch feeling better with each moment as his palms and fingers took care of each aching spot. “You’re asleep, Baby?”, you heard Negan ask quietly as his hands stopped for a moment and rested on your back. “Almost”, you mumbled, a small yawn leaving your lips as they curled into content smile. Your yawn must have acted contagiously on Negan since you heard him letting out a deep yawn before he his throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest. His hands slid a couple more times over your shoulders and back, before you felt him placing a small kiss on your shoulder, the touch of his warm lips sending warm and comfortable shivers through your body. Without even thinking a small hum left your lips and without being able to see Negan, you knew how his lips formed into a big smirk in these moments. ”Now you wanna keep that top off of you for the whole night? I’d have no damn problem with that”, he chuckled as you let out a small snort. ”No”, you mumbled with a chuckle just before felt him giving your waist a small, teasing squeeze. “I’ll turn around, no problem. Gotta get the oil back to the bathroom anyway”, he chuckled as you felt him climbing off of you, your eyes following him as he moved off the bed and gave you a wide grin and a quick wink before he vanished in the bathroom.

Back in your top and already tucked in beneath the sheets you watched Negan strolling back over to the bed. ”Come here”, Negan mumbled as soon as he let himself fall back into the pillows and spread his arms out for you as soon as the blanket covered his body. You moved in closer, huddled up to his side as soon as his arms wrapped around you before you felt one if his hands reaching up to cup your cheek. ”Good night”, he mumbled as you looked up at him, his hazel eyes glued on you as he leaned in until his warm lips captured yours, caressing them with his own as warmth filled up your body. But different to last night and this morning he didn’t pull you into his embrace as soon as your lips let go of one another, right now he kept resting his forehead against yours, your lips still almost touching while you could feel the hunger and longing in you grow again. And he seemed to feel just the same as his lips met yours again in a deeper kiss, his fingers slid into your hair as his thumb still rested on your jaw, holding you close to him. “Shit...you’re doing some fucking things to me”, Negan purred against your lips in between your kisses before he pulled you back in as his words and his touch made you heat up. You got more and more lost in him as your hands slid over his shirt, feeling his chest hair beneath it until your palms rested on the soft fabric of his shirts as deep and content growls rumbled through his chest until you let breathless go of each other. A big smile planted on his lips as he pulled you closer against him, the warmth still stuck in your body as you buried your face into the curve of his neck and let out a content sigh, as you felt how happiness washed over you and stayed in your body until you slowly began to fall asleep in his strong arms. As you slowly woke up, the room was still dark, only enlightened by the faint moonlight while the sudden and abrupt loss of Negan’s arm’s around you made you shift uncomfortably on the sheets, irritated by the lack of his warmth. An uneasy and deep breath coming from somewhere next to you made you open your eyes, finding Negan laying propped onto his elbows on the bed, his ribcage moving and falling at a fast pace while shivers ran through his in goosebumps covered body. ”Negan?”, you quietly asked, your mind still halfway stuck in sleep as your voice made his head turn around to you. In the faint light you could see tears glistening in his eyes, uneasy breaths of air leaving his lips as he gulped heavily. ”What’s wrong?”, you asked concerned but still quiet as you slowly rolled onto your side and looked worried at him as he let out a deep sigh and shifted up into the pillows. ”Nightmare, huh?”, you asked softly, knowing way too well how those tortures in your sleep felt as Negan let out a another sigh and slowly nodded. ”Yeah...but you need to go back to sleep, Sweetheart. You still gotta catch up on some of that shit”, he mumbled, trembles still erupting his body before he turned his head slightly back to you ,”I’ll be fucking fine, just need some moments to set my head straight.” ”When I told you I’d be fine after my nightmares you called me out on my bullshit”, you said, with a small and soft chuckle, trying to loose him a little up as for a small moment a tiny grin grew on his lips before it quickly hushed again. He gulped harshly, before he finally looked back at you with his still clouded eyes as he shifted slightly and moved onto his side. “But you shouldn’t fucking have to be strong for me now, you got enough shit and-”, he said, stopping as his jaw clenched tightly, his eyes leaving yours as they roamed through the dark room, “I don’t fucking deserve that, not yet. Fuck I still gotta make this shit up...” “Stop, you’ve already busted a gut for me”, you quickly said, your words directing his glance back to him as you looked into his eyes. “Don’t make yourself reproaches right now”, you continued, slightly gulping as he bit his lip and began to slowly nod. “Alright...” Your hand reached up to him to softly cup his cheek before you felt him leaning into your touch as soon as your palm met his skin, while his eyes closed for a few moments. And within those few moments you saw him beginning to let loose until you wrapped your arms around him and sunk back into the pillows. His body was still trembling as you held him, remembering all those nights he had held and cradled you tightly against his chest to calm you down as well as you remembered the time you had comforted and hugged him that tightly after he had opened up about Lucille to you. He was beginning to let himself more and more fall as he buried his face into the curve of your neck, his hot and still uneasy breath hitting your skin as he held you just as tightly against him while a few tears met your skin. “I fucking failed her, now I’ve fucking failed you-”, he grumbled shivering as you knew now for sure that his nightmare had mixed up old regrets and fears with new ones. “You haven't, people do shitty things in panic...matters what they do to make it up and make it better and you’re doing more than I could ask for”, you mumbled as you tried to hold the big man tighter in your arms, “It’s not even about a damn massage...it’s your will to do better...and the proof that you’re working for it and making it better...just like you let me this close right now.” ”Fuck, I’m so goddamn sorry”, he mumbled against your skin, holding you even closer, before your words from before seemed to slowly soothe him a bit. ”I know...it’s okay”, you quietly mumbled back as you first reluctantly and a little insecurely let your fingers run through his hair, hoping it would comfort him a bit before a small smile grew on your lips as soon as you heard him humming contently. You leaned your head against his, closing your eyes again as your fingers kept massaging his scalp and caressing his neck as you felt him relaxing beneath your touch. Slowly, the tension began to leave his body as you felt his breath becoming calm and steady while you kept going with your soothing movements to make sure he was falling into a deep sleep. You had no idea how long you laid there with the big bad wolf in your arms until you were sure he was fine and asleep. Only then you allowed yourself to sink more into the depths until the sleep finally conquered you again.

The sun stood already high at the sky as you found yourself outside of the Sanctuary, the taste of your last coffee still lingering on your lips as Negan strutted past the gutted walkers, calling out some stuff to his men while gladly nothing of last night’s sorrow seemed to be left in him. From the other side of the fences you could hear Simon in the middle of a bunch of Saviors, swinging some kind of motivation speech that was mixed with a bunch of orders before the men and women slipped into their trucks. Your glance fell back on Negan as he walked towards you, his signature smirk on his lips as he eventually slipped an arm around your waist. ”We’ll drive in the car behind them, let them get their asses out of here first”, he said, running a hand over his beard stubble while the engines of the cars started and began to roll off the Sanctuary’s compound. Moments later you slipped onto the passenger’s seat of the black car, a biting smell coming from the backseats as you saw Negan digging Lucille’s end into a bucket filled with rotting walker guts. Your nose wrinkled by the reek as Negan closed the door in the back and let himself fall in front of the driving wheel. “I know, that’s some fucking awful, putrid shit”, Negan chuckled as he closed the door and started the engine and let down the windows next to the backseats. ”Lets go”, Negan mumbled as the car began to drive off the compound, your eyes still glued to Lucille while the thought of what would happen if no deal could be found and those guts would get a use. Suddenly you felt Negan’s hand on your thigh, squeezing it lightly as he stroke with his thumb over the fabric of your pants. “Nothing’s lost yet. If those fuckers play along, no one’s gonna get close to this smelly crap”, Negan said, giving your thigh another small squeeze as he gave you a small smile as soon as you looked at him. “I’d just gonna have to apologize to Lucille for covering her in that shit”, he chuckled, trying to loose you a little up before you gave him a small nod as you forced yourself to simply believe his words. For the next time, Negan kept talking to you to keep you distracted. Uncountable of dirty jokes he had recently heard left his mouth as he tried to fight the urge to laugh while he was trying to get them properly together to make you laugh in the process. And he had actually success, you found yourself in a mix between snorting  with laughter, blushing, chuckling, cringing and shaking your head in response to the colorful and way too detailed ways Negan amplified the dirtiest parts of his jokes, letting you end up curled on your seat, holding your stomach as you tried to calm yourself down from laughing. “That one was fucking great, right? C’mon you really gotta admit that”, Negan chuckled, the aftershocks of his booming laughter still rumbling through his chest as you nodded, another laugh leaving your lips. “Yeah, it was”, you mumbled chuckling, adjusting yourself in your seat as Negan’s walkie beeped. “Yeah?”, Negan asked, a bit of annoyance laying in his voice as he heard Simon’s voice responding, asking him to make a stop for a moment to check that everyone was in their assigned trucks and got the message before moving on. Not even two minutes later you watched Negan walking toward the other cars and trucks, vanishing behind some of them while you had decided to stay behind in the car. You heard his and Simon’s voice sounding through the air, saw a few of Negan’s men walking around before they hopped into their trucks again and you finally caught Negan coming back towards the car. He slipped back on his seat before he let out a small sigh and looked over at you. “Thought about it, I got a better feeling when you’re driving the rest in the truck with Dwight and Simon”, he said as he shifted on his seat, his voice rising again as he saw your brows furrowing in confusion. ”As soon as we’re there, my car’s the first thing they’d aim at in the worst fucking case scenario”, he muttered, as he ran a hand over his jaw, ”Shit doesn’t have to go down, of course. I just don't wanna take chances there, hell, I don’t want you to get hurt.” He looked at you as you slowly, nodded, realizing that he was right even though you deeply hoped that this scenario wouldn’t come in any way true. “I’m out of dirty jokes anyway”, he said with a small chuckle as he gave you a wink while you got out of your seat. ”Liar”, you said grinning as you heard his throaty chuckle, before you shut the door and walked towards the truck right before Negan’s car, already knowing that the drive with them would be pretty much the opposite to the one you had till now with Negan. “Hey”, you just mumbled before you climbed to them into the truck and let yourself fall onto the seat next to Dwight. “Well, then lets go again”, Simon grumbled as he started the engine of the car and began to roll towards the town in front of the row of trucks and cars. Your glance went out of the window, watching the fields and trees pass by while  your eyes went here and there to the side mirror that showed the side of the black car behind you, just to keep yourself a little distracted. The fields and streets began to change to houses and smaller buildings as you drove into the town. The streets seemed empty, just some lonely walkers here and there as you leaned deeper into your seat right before the sudden loud bang of a collusion behind you let you jolt up. Your heart pounded, realizing that something had drove into Negan’s car as your eyes darted at the side mirror, catching the car that had shoved Negan’s as it tilted out for a moment and for the fraction of a second, you could see who was sitting behind its wheel. Rick. A gasp left your lips as you stared into the side mirror, Rick and Negan’s cars long gone as you heard the crackling of a walkie. “The hell was that?”, you heard Arat’s voice sound through the walkie next to Simon as it ripped you out of the shock trance you had been stuck in for seconds. “That was Negan's car”, Dwight said as the the truck stopped, just like the ones in front of you while the tension in your body rose to an unbearable level. “Jesus, it was”, Simon scoffed out before you heard Dwight’s voice again. “You see it?" “Yeah, someone pegged him pegged him good. Looked like just one guy, from what I could tell”, Simon huffed, moving and rotating the truck. "Anyone see which way he went?” Arat asked as the sound of squealing brakes sounded through the air as Dwight grabbed the walkie while Negan and Rick were still whirling through your thoughts. “Just tell them to pipe down! Stay icy. Maybe there are more of them out there”, Simon’s tensed voice called at Dwight. “Keep guards up, scan your lane. We could have company”, Dwight said into the walkie as Simon rotated the truck some more before you could finally open the door. “You come with us. if you take off all lonesome and a dead takes a good bite off of you, Negan’s gonna end us both”, Simon called out before you could do anything, just as he walked over to your side of the truck. “Think you can wait two minutes”, he grumbled before he made his way into the back, followed by Dwight. You had the urge to run, to try to find Negan and even though you had your suspicions about Simon, deep down you knew that you were, at least for now, safer when you had them behind you. After all, there still could be large groups of walkers roaming through the town and if you’d have a problem with those dead assholes, your chances to find Negan would lower even more. Simon kept yelling orders as you leaned against the truck until you finally saw him and Dwight walking towards you, the tension that had build up left your body a tiny bit as you could finally begin to walk. “Sweetie, you planning on slowing your ass a bit down?”, you heard Simon call out minutes later as you walked a good bit in front of them with fast steps while nothing in you even thought about stopping. Right now, minutes, even seconds could count and you weren’t about to waste any time you didn’t have.  “That’s a ‘no’, huh?”, you heard him call out again, a huff leaving his lips before he toned his voice a bit down but now, you paid more attention as he talked to Dwight again. “Back to it Dwight. Can’t be just one, like the big man says, sometimes you have to take the next step...those garbage people, they had to be expunged”, you heard him say, your legs still walking at a fast pace even though what he had just said had almost made you stop. Your feeling had been right. But he wasn’t only holding a grudge, he wasn’t doing his job like Negan had falsely thought. “Does Negan know?”, Dwight asked and before you even heard Simon’s voice you knew  that it would be a ‘No’. “No, but it’s for the better. For the greater good. It’s for us”, you heard Simon add and just as his voice hushed, your breath stopped for a moment at the sight in front of you. A large parking area and in it’s middle a black turned over car, gasoline flowing out of it as it created a puddle beneath it. “Shit”, slipped out of your lips, your heart beat increasing while your stomach felt like turning just by the thought what would await you as soon as you’d reach the car. Your began to pace towards the car, already small strained breaths leaving your lips as you got closer and closer. Shivers ran through your body as you eventually walked around the car and saw it’s bloody windshield that made panic burst through your veins. “Negan”, you just mumbled as you got closer, a lump forming in your throat as you didn’t spot the man you were searching for but instead the white, now empty bucket that had catapulted itself into the front. Relief washed over you as you realized that all this blood couldn’t be his but there was still the question where he was and if he was injured. “He could be anywhere, alive or dead. Somewhere in between. Just 'cause he walked away doesn't mean he's breathing”, you heard Simon’s voice say, his words sending shivers through your spine before an idea rushed through your brain. With quick steps you walked closer to the car, climbing a bit up to look into its inside, your glance searching for Negan’s most favored weapon. But nothing. Your eyes searched over every spot several times, to make sure but still, nothing. She was gone and with that you knew that Negan had been alive when he had left this car. “He took Lucille”, you said, Dwight and Simon first looking up to you as your voice caught their attention before you repeated yourself ,“Negan took Lucille with him. Walker’s don’t take stuff with them.” “Well, we can keep looking and maybe find him more alive than dead, but then what?”, Simon asked, your brows puckering in confusion before he turned to Dwight, “we could face a distasteful moment.” A heavy breath rumbled through your chest as you got down onto the ground again, realizing by his words, the tone in his voice and the way he looked right now, that he wasn’t going to keep looking for Negan. “Or we could walk away. Get back to our people and make things even better”, he continued to Dwight, just confirming your suspicion as the tension in your body grew with every passing second and with every word he continued to say to Dwight. “This is a critical point in our history, Dwight. This is something we could tell our grandkids about.” His glance was fixed on him, his tone persuasive and urging while incomprehension grew in you and the certainty that things would get worse for the Hilltop as soon as Simon would take the leading role. “Sorry, you’re gonna have your heart broken. Took a lot this last time, didn’t it? Time to stop”, Simon suddenly said as he looked up at you and slowly walked closer as an unbelieving huff left your lips. “I’ll search for him”, you said as he came closer, his brows furrowing in his overacted manner. “All alone?”, he asked as he stood right in front of you and stared into your eyes. “Yes”, you just said back, not even planning to let him talk you out of continuing your search for Negan. “I’d overthink that”, he grumbled, leaning in closer as a threatening tone mixed into his voice. “Without him,...you’re just one of them”, he added as your glance narrowed, determined to not show him any of the fear he wanted to see. “Think about your next step, Sweetie. Think closely”, he mumbled, leaning in some more before you shook your head, let a huff leave your lips and turned around just until you felt Simon’s hand wrapping around your wrist, turning you harshly back around. “I said, think closely. You don’t wanna do anything dumb, do you?”, he growled, his glance narrowing as a tight breath left your lips. “No, but I’ll go now”, you said, a firm tone in your voice as you wriggled your wrist out of his grab and turned around, even though turning your back on Simon right now made tension fill up your body. He was capable of unbelievable things and now that you knew what he was actually thinking and could potentially find Negan, you could let his cover blow. The chance that you had heard him talking about the garbage people wasn’t small, probably he was already regretting talking to Dwight about them while you were near and after all there was the simple fact that you had witnessed how he wouldn’t even properly try to search for Negan just for his own advantage. You were a threat. “You should be scared, Darling...the thought of walking all lonely around, dead ones everywhere, trying to tear you up while you try to find Negan...”, you heard him call out as you walked towards the next street, the tension growing as you already saw some walkers stumbling over the roads ,”you should be so damn scared.” Simon seemed to still hope for you to stop, knowing way too well that in case Negan would still show up again and find out you’re dead while being with him the last time he had seen you, the living hell would break out. But you didn’t stop, even as you reached the corner of the building surrounding the parking area you kept walking until a shot let you flinch up, your body turning in shock for a moment as you saw the stones splattering out of the house’s edge just a foot next to you. Your glance met Simon’s for a second, while you couldn’t tell if he had aimed  for your body or the house to simply warn you. The jolt rushed through your body as you began to run, your heart pounding against your chest as you heard his voice again. “One last chance, Sweetie. One very last chance to do the smart thing”, he shouted as you kept running, a rotting walker stumbling into your direction as you tightly grabbed your knife and ran past it. And then, Simon seemed to have lost his patience with you as several shots into the air followed. “Have fun with the dead”, you heard him yell, some more walkers already spilling out of the surrounding buildings as your eyes captured some rusty stairs winding up a building. Panting you made your way up the stairs, along the boxes that tried to hinder you until you made your way up to the roof and let yourself fall onto the cement. For moments you just sat there, trying to catch your breath before your got up to your feet again and slowly walked towards the edge of the roof. Simon and Dwight just made their ways around the corner again, leaving the parking area while Negan’s destroyed car was now lightening up in high flames, the smell of burning gasoline filling the air while some walkers stumbled over the ground. You knew you had to wait a few moments until they were gone to be able to properly search for Negan and all while these endless seeming moments passed, you tried to black out the scenarios of his bleeding body and instead forced yourself to focus on imagining where he could be - or where Rick could have urged him. The only good thing about the roof was that you could overview the streets, after all Negan couldn’t have made it too far. But there was no Negan anywhere on the streets, no sign of him at any part of that, so there were just the buildings left. If he was injured, he had probably saved himself into one of these, who knew if Rick was with him, hunting him, or not. You had experienced him after Lori’s death and if he was just half as rattled now as he had been back then, you had a problem. And then you made your way back down the stairs, your heart pounding as your eyes found an open door at the other end of the parking area. The smell of the burning car got worse as you made your way past it, your knife tightly in your hand as you ran towards the building, just hoping that you’d find him alive. Your pulse pounded in your ears as you finally got to the entrance, darkness awaiting you inside as you slowly stepped in, carefully, to avoid any walker attacks. You gulped harshly as the wooden floor squeaked beneath your shoes as you made it further into the building that was just faintly enlightened by the sun rays that made it through the destroyed windows. “Negan? Negan, you here?”, you finally asked, your body shivering as you got into a room with a staircase, half of the floor next to it broken, leading a way to dark floors beneath it. ”Baby, you need to go”, you suddenly heard Negan’s tensed voice say, relief washing over you before it got accompanied by confusion as his voice echoed through to you from somewhere beneath your feet. ”What?”, slipped out of your lips, your brows puckering as you made your way further over the floor, trying to find out where he was. ”Get yourself to somewhere safe. Please”, you heard his voice again, pleading and stressed as a strained breath left your lips. ”Negan, what’s happening here?”, you asked, tightening the hold on your knife as you tried to stay as calm as you could. ”He’s gonna die, that’s what’s gonna happen”, you suddenly heard Rick’s voice spat from some other corner beneath the floor as you froze for a moment, the pace of your heartbeat shooting up once again. ”You’re with him now, (Y/N)? After all, you want him? What-...Why did you help Carl escape, why did you do that if-”, he asked but before you could say anything back, his voice sounded through the floor again. “You know what? This all isn’t gonna change anything now, he’s gonna die. I’ll end this, here and now”, he called out, the aggression in his voice letting shiver run up and down your spine. “Rick, this is insane”, you finally brought out, your ribcage rising and falling in a trembling manner. “We need to stop this. We should fight the dead not the goddamn living”, you added, trying to keep your voice firm as you slowly walked over the floor hoping to get closer to either one of them. “What the hell happened to you, (Y/N)? You were there, you saw what he did. You’re gonna tell me now to stop?”, Rick asked, the frustration clearly audible as you gulped heavily, the tension in your body rising as you heard the blame in his voice. “Yes”, you said, taking a deep breath, “By now we’re so deep in it that it’s bullshit to find the one guilty side. it won’t make it better, it’ll just get worse.” For a moment it stayed quiet, only the sound of the squeaking wood beneath your shoe soles hearable. “Rick, more people will die and I don’t want that. I don’t wanna lose anybody else, and especially not to this damn crap”, you said, your stirred up emotions mixing into your voice before you rallied yourself again and let out a deep sigh. “I’m not the only one who wants you to stop...I don’t think Carl wrote these letters just for fun”, you said, your body filling with more tension as soon as you spoke out these words. You weren’t sure if bringing Carl into this was a low blow, but after all, he had asked them to stop before he died, he wouldn’t want Rick to do this here, this way. “You won’t stop me”, you heard Rick call out, your heart hammering against your chest as is voice rose up again.  “Negan, I’ll make you a deal. I let you kiss her goodbye..so come get your bat...come get her”, you heard Rick call out, before loud and dull thuds sounded through the air. “Don’t you touch her!”, you heard Negan call out, more dull thuds sounding through the air before their combined screams and another loud cracking of wood ripped you out of your in shock frozen trance. “Fuck”, you breathed out, fear spreading out in your body as you knew that you had to do something if you didn’t want to lose Negan. Your glance fell onto the hole in the floor, your only way to get to them and with that you walked towards it, your breath quickening as soon as you stared into the only faintly enlightened bunch of woods at the end of the hole. Cursing you sat down on its edge, pushing your knife into its holster to not end up stabbing yourself before you gave yourself a mental and physical hard push and made yourself drop into the depths. A groan left your lips as you landed in the hard wood, your skin aching beneath your clothes as the screams and yells continued and motivated you to quickly heft yourself back on your feet. Grabbing your knife you made your way into the darkness, only the tiny spaces between the wood of the floor above you enlightening you the way as you began to ran towards the source of their screams. Suddenly your eyes caught an with fire enlightened room, your heart pounding as you heard Negan’s scream coming from its inside, burning walkers wandering growling through the dark as your glance fell onto the damaged door Negan and Rick must’ve fallen through.  “What the hell am I doing?”, you mumbled to yourself as you leaned down to grab the remains of the wooden door, trying to keep it uo to let it shield you as you let your fist pound against the wall. “Come over here, assholes”, you screamed at the top of your lungs, trying to get the dead and their wrenching mouths away from Negan and Rick. “Come over here”, you screamed out again, your voice breaking at its end as you saw the first dead stumbling towards you, your fist still pounding harshly against the wood with loud and dull sounds. Your throat felt as if your strained breath was burning crannies into your skin as the heat of the fire began to hit you, the growls of the walkers got louder as they began to stumble out of the room, past you as you kept the door as well as you could in front of your body.  You kept it up until it began to catch fire and more screams from inside the room urged you to rush inside, no matter how many walkers were left in there and even though you were scared and full of fear. Tossing the wood against the walkers you finally stormed into room, the adrenaline in your body keeping you working as you panting made your way closer to them. You clasped your knife tightly as you tried to avoid any of the walkers while you had no idea what to do once you got to the both fighting men. This was a dumb idea. A fucking dumb idea. sounded through your head as you eluded a burning walker that stretched its rotting arms out to you, its cold fingertips brushing over you as you shoved yourself into the next room. You couldn’t let the both get themselves killed in this hellhole nor let Rick kill Negan.  You couldn’t lose him, you just couldn’t. And that was the one thing that kept you going on your insane mission, your knife beginning to dive into walker skulls as you reached ones that weren’t surrounded by flames, every single time your own skin just centimeters away from their wrenching mouths. And then, you saw him. Walker blood all over him, his face a mix between shock, aggression and tension as you fought your way closer just as Rick stormed through the walkers, pushing Negan against a window which glass began to break, threatening to burst any second. The fear in you rose as you paced towards him, his glance first falling onto you as Rick pushed a walker off of himself. “Baby”, you just heard him say, his mouth falling open in shock as your eyes widened as another walker stumbled towards you. With trembling hands you buried your knife into its skull, your glance meeting Rick’s for the matter of a second as the body in front of you fell to the ground. Confusion and shock laid in his eyes, as if he was thinking he was seeing a hallucination. All this was happening in nothing more than a few seconds, before you got urged closer to Negan, the window still threatening to break behind him as he winced in pain and pulled you tightly against him as soon as you stood next to him, aiming to keep walkers off of you. Rick pushed another walker away, his hatched burying into its dome as his eyes fell for one last time on you and Negan, before he rushed into another enlightened hallway. And then, you fell. The glass shattered beneath you with loud clashing sounds, Negan’s arms tried panically to keep you close and shield you from the awaiting hard ground. You felt how the fall ripped you further away from him until your body hit the ground, pain shooting through your whole body before everything around you turned black.

Your head pounded harshly as you slowly drifted back to consciousness, your eyes still closed as every muscle in your body seemed to work against you. A groan left your lips before your mind rushed to what had happened before the fall and even more, to who had fallen with you through the window. Your eyes snapped open by the thought of Negan, your glance slowly turning from painfully blurry to clear as your eyes caught his tall figure a few feet next to you on the ground. Panic shot through your veins as the adrenaline in your body made you heft yourself up, dragging your weak body towards him through the alley you had fallen into as you already felt tears burning in your eyes, as he didn’t move. “Negan?”, you mumbled whimpering as you got closer, your voice drowned out by the lump that was forming in your throat as you finally got to him, a wound boasting on his temple while blood trickles down his cheek. “God no...”, you muttered as your hands cupped his cheeks, the sight of his lifeless body pressing all air out of your lungs and instead filled them up with pain as your fingers panically slid to his neck, searching for a pulse. “Negan please...”, you plead, the lump growing bigger as the fear of losing him spread out in your whole body and formed into an unbearable pain that increased with every second. Your trembling fingers trailed along his neck, your breath quickening in panic until you finally felt the faint, but existing pulse. “You’ll be fine...”, you mumbled, trying to calm yourself down as you let your thumb stroke softly over his cheek, while the fingers of your other hand refused to leave his pulse as persistent control that he was staying with you. Your mind was still filled with utter concern and panic as you tried to find a way through that mess you were, trying to make your head work so you could get him to safety. And just as the first tear fell from your eyes down to his cheek, mixing with the red blood that was still trickling from the wound, a harsh kick against your ribcage shoved you away from him, onto the hard ground. A groan left your lips as your back hit the cement, your mind trying to figure out what was happening before your eyes captured a figure right above Negan. Your glance wandered in the pace of a lightning over the person, until they turned around and you saw into the face of the woman you had seen the last time when the war broke out. And for the fraction of a second, you remembered what Simon had said, how all her people were dead, how Negan had no idea of the massacre that had happened against his will there and with that you knew that this woman would want revenge. And she would do something to Negan. Her hands reached down to him, grabbing his shoulders as your instincts kicked through, your mind only wanting to protect him as you raised your leg and swung it with the last strength you had against her groin. “Don’t you touch him!”, you growled, your voice coming strained out as she stumbled groaning back, holding her stomach as your glance fell for the first time at Lucille, laying on the cement not too far away, her surface coal black while your knife was gone from your hand, thrown somewhere through your fall. In trance you crawled towards her, until you felt another kick into your side that brought you groaning back to the ground. “Get out the way”, you suddenly heard her growl again, as you saw from the corner of your eyes Lucille, now finally close enough to grab. Your hands reached out to her until you could finally wrap your fingers around her handle while you already saw the woman coming closer again, ready to fight you again. With all strength you could bring up you swung Lucille up, aiming for the woman as you hit her legs, a cry leaving her mouth as her knees let her sink for a moment. And you took this moment to seat your weak body up, a strained breath leaving your lips as you lunged out to give her another hit. Lucille crushed down against her side, letting her stumble back while the adrenaline in your body kept you going even though you felt like your hurting body would slump to the ground any second, not strong enough to move anymore. Panting you crawled towards Negan, Lucille still in your hands while your mind just told you to shield him and protect him from another attack. But before you got to him, a set of hands placed roughly on your shoulders, plucking you off of Lucille and away from Negan before you landed on the ground once again, the sole of a shoe pressing against your cheek to keep your pounding head on the floor. You panted, tried to get yourself up and gather up your last strength as you caught her glance for the first time, staring coldly down at you. “It wasn’t him...your people-”, you panted, trying to get her this way and lead her revenge thoughts away from Negan  “Shut up”, she growled, her glance wandering from you to Negan as you took your last chance and grabbed her ankle, digging your fingertips and nails into her flesh, trying to push her off of you before her glance darted back at you and the last thing you saw was her fist that rushed down at you. Wincing you got back to consciousness, your whole body trembling as you heard a starting engine that made your eyes snap up. Groaning you rolled yourself onto your side, the pain beginning to eat you up as you found Negan and Lucille gone and instead saw the woman in the car right next to a figure that could be no one else than the man you had tried to save. Whimpers left your lips while the desperation in you grew as you tried to get yourself on your feet and do something. The car began to move and with every foot it drove, more pain spread through your body as tears began to trickle down your cheeks. “No..Negan-”, your breaking voice brought out as you heft yourself onto your knees, your body not letting you to do any more as you had to helplessly see how this woman took him. Panic shot through your body as your mind began to play different scenarios of what could happen, of what she could do to him as it urged you on your unwilling feet. Your whole body shivered as you did a few weak steps, your glance getting blurry from the tears as you saw the car driving further away with every single second. And while you stumbled even slower than a walker over the ground, the only thing you knew was that you had to find him, no matter what it took.

part 29 / 8x14 “Still Gotta Mean Something”

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty) tagging: @agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink @Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd @thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288 @magical-spit @straightestgay-voice @xsnak-3x @myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai @negan–is–god @harry-titss @traumbruch @negans-network @theblankestostares @amysuemc @ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog @jeffreydeanneganstrash @sweetwittlebosco @futureofdestiel @bananakid42 @dragongirl420 @kalliewinchester-queenofhell @futureofdestiel @timeladyrikaofgallifrey @osakamilk @kattyshea20 @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23 @xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic @starwarsandstufff @bdohe21  @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159 @mamarhee @the-writingdead @traumbruch @bellawindixon @dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04 @ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof @adixon13 @botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks @jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp @readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy @marauderspads @humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion @warriorqueen1991 @unholyjs @kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion  @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx (In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)