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demondeanismybaby · 8 years

Text

I Just Need a Break Part 11

pairing: Sam x reader, Dean

word count: 1611

Summary: Finally you are forced to grapple with the idea of what is going on with Dean, and what could have made him do this. Now you had to find the courage to deal with him.

Warnings: some language, TW: PTSD, TW:Past abuse, TW:Past non/con mentions of nudity

A/N: Ugh so finally actually wrote something, this series had some kinks that I was trying to work out and I think I am back on track. Some past parts have been edited which I will update on here later.

Series Masterpost

Your heart skipped a beat, this moment created a home you never had, not even before the pain with Dean. It was something you were making with Sam and even though it was only two of you, you knew this was your own family.

Sam always knew how to sleep better than you, and even though you had enjoyed your first night sans nightmares since the incident with Dean, you managed to rise before him. He was huge, legs thrown out and arms spread meant that you had curled up in the farthermost reaches of the bed to give him room, it was too early on to feel any kind of frustration about it. The sky was dim, but it was just the heavy clouds looming, when you glanced at the clock it told you firmly that it was 1:23pm which meant that the entire day was shot. The weather, the time, none of it could dampen your mood. Things with Sam had finally settled they felt right, there was only one problem that nagged at the back of your mind.

Crawling out of the covers, you went to the window, and looked out onto the front lawn. There was the increasingly familiar landscape, the thick woods that encircled the front lawn which looked deep green and obviously unkempt, the gravel driveway and then you felt your stomach drop. That problem floating up to pop like a soap bubble in your mind, Dean. There was a empty space in front of the house where the impala had sat immobile ever since you and Sam had moved in, and now with him in bed you knew only one person who would have taken it.

Not that you were exactly surprised, after the fight yesterday, there wasn't a large part of your mind that was focusing on the fact that you and Sam had essentially stolen his precious wheels. He was probably searching for the keys when he knocked over the book that alerted you to his presence initially and decided to at least leave the two of you stranded as a parting gift. Still, it wasn't so much of Dean being pissed and horrible or losing the impala that was tugging at you.

This man wasn't Dean, he could be annoying, superior, and hell bent on keeping him and Sam together at all costs. Rape, torture, and if not for you and Sam possibly even murder. So the question was what was going on with him. A part of you resisted trying to potentially force yourself to face your attacker but now, to really be sure you could move on with this chance at a non hunting future, you knew the only option was trying to figure it out.

"Whatcha looking at?"

You felt your body jump at the words, but relaxed almost completely a second later.

"Did you know that Dean took the impala?" You tried your best to both rush the words and sound casual because there was no doubting what Sam's reaction would be one way or the other.

All he did was groan, and in it you could tell that he had, "He got into it after the fight, I was too out of it to think about the fact we have no way to drive out of here."

Your turned to him and although your smile was a little mechanical you didn't let any concern show though, "It's not a big deal, we have some papers, we will find something and maybe some nice country folk will even drive it out here for us."

"Or it could become something from Deliverence."

You rubbed a hand across your forehead and paused to pinch the bridge of your nose. You were starting to get to a better place about what Dean had done but, at the thought of hillbillies tormenting people, an image of his face twisted in rage floated in front of your closed eyes. "Stop." Although you tried to sound firm, your voice trembled a little at the last syllable. You didn't open your eyes.

The rustling of blankets indicated that he was getting out of bed, but you weren't sure if he was just fed up of your mood swings or if he was just getting dressed because he didn't want to fight with you naked. When you felt his large palms tilt up your chin, you let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding, and you let yourself look up. His face was calm and any annoyance you had felt in the conversation earlier melted away when he stared at you. You let yourself remember that for every terrible moment you had experienced in your life, that in some ways you were too lucky, because you were able to enjoy times like this.

And then you went and shattered it all.

"Sammy, we need to talk about Dean."

You could tell, because he was standing so close, he wouldn't have been able to hide if he was angry. Even though it was clear that he was not ready to have this conversation. Which you found a little humorous, after all, it was you who had been brutalized. He had shifted a step backwards, his shoulders drooped, and his forehead was creased. All signs that you knew meant, stop,don't,no, but you pressed forward.

"Look, it isn't something I want to deal with either, but honestly we need to or we are both going to be stuck here," and when you noticed reason hadn't persuaded him, "and if he is still like this he could come back and hurt me again."

"Fine, but really y/n, what is there to say?"

"Are you kidding me, he's your brother, are we not going to talk about how weird all of this is?"

"He's always been like this."

"No he hasn't, Sam he raped me. I get that he can be an ass and other stuff but this?"

His gaze locked onto you, at first he was casually listening, but it was as if the words finally sunk in deeper. It was right then it struck you. Until now you had both been in a kind of shock, purely responding to this traumatic event, but as the pieces started to settle the oddness of everything that was going on landed. And it wasn't just what Dean had done to you. Gears were turning in the mind of the man standing in front of you, his sharp logic fitting together other instances that had seemed out-of-odds to the brother he had known, trying to pinpoint the moment that a man both of you knew so well had tipped into the realm of the unreasonable.

"A shifter?"

You paused, genuinely considering it, but you knew there was something off about it. It wasn't like someone was trying to play at being Dean, more like everything about him was taken further pushed to an extreme. Hence the declaration of love that had proceeded the outburst of violence. "No, it is like a spell or something," you knew it was more the something because you had never heard of any magic that did this.

His expression told you, he agreed.

You cast your own thoughts back to all of your interactions with Dean, searching for any detail that might be meaningful, then you grasped it. "His arm."

"What?"

You ignored him, lost in your own train of thought but you spoke out loud for his benefit, "when he came in here he kept glancing down at it, there was something he could see, it meant something to him."

Neither of you had any answers, it wasn't much but you hoped that it would at least be a place to start. You knew it wasn't so much about trying to save Dean, whatever he had done he had kept from both you and Sam for a reason. Though you knew, a part of you was certain, he would just keep coming. If you picked up and moved on to a new city or even stayed on the road sleeping in some camper that he would find you. This was a necessary evil, there was also a more worried piece of you that thought if you couldn't find some mystical reasoning you might have to face the other reality. That Dean had finally drifted over the edge that all the years he had spent chasing monsters had turned him into one, you thought of people like Gordon or other nameless hunters ranting away in the loony bins because the life had finally caught up to them. That idea had you stuck, worrying that maybe that Dean would have to be put down for mundane reasons and your blood grew cold at the thought.

"I'll hit the web see if I can shake anything loose."

"Uh-huh."

You churned over the pieces trying to reassure yourself that the moment of security and comfort you had with Sam in the early hours of dawn wouldn't be your last. It seemed unlikely though that things were going to ever go back to normal, if this was some mystical force of nature, part of you still grappled with the image of Sam and Dean in a brotherly embrace, able to erase everything he had done to you and sailing off back to the bunker. You knew that you might be able to have a life without Dean but with him, all of you together again. It didn't matter if he had been out of his mind, the smell of motor-oil choking you and his fingers clutching at your flesh would be all you would ever see when you looked into those eyes.

You glanced at the bed and wished desperately that you could curl up and go back to sleep but you willed yourself to follow Sam and get started on the project from Hell.

#sam x reader #sam x you #spn #spn reader insert #spn fanficiton #spn angst #spn fluff #tw on post #my writing #past dean x reader

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