#tw: mentions of infidelity

[hanasnx]

MINORS DNI 18+

Your current boyfriend used to be the jock that shoved emo-freak SAM MONROE into lockers. And now Sam’s got you moaning his name while his skinny boy cock rearranges your insides. Who needs all that muscle when you’ve got a sleep-deprived pill-popping grunge cunt destroyer filling up the empty space in your bed? Is he doing this to get back at your soon-to-be-ex? No. He’s always loved you. Always wanted you. Looked after you in envy while you were with that air-headed football player. He’s only got the confidence to fuck you now though. He’ll worry about his future broken nose later. Currently, all that matters is getting you to squirt all over the mattress so his old bully comes home to soaked sheets that smell of sweet betrayal.

[hauntedhowlett-writes]

Title: No Closer Could I Be To God

Pairing: Post-outbreak!Joel Miller x Female Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary:

The closest he’s been to a god in these last few miserable years has been between your thighs.

Dear Reader:

This one is for the homies with religious trauma. If you enjoy this little fic, please comment or reblog! Title art is "Through Cataclysm" by Andreas Birath (b. 1974).

Warnings:

explicit sexual content (18+ MDNI), infidelity, no use of y/n, no reader description or age, single POV - Joel, post-outbreak Jackson, heavy religious themes and imagery, unprotected p in v, oral sex - f receiving, dirty talk, pet names, begging.

Joel Miller gave up on the notion of a benevolent god around the time the light faded from his daughter’s eyes and he was left to hold her lifeless body. Since then, he’s only seen glimpses of that former goodness in the world — in Tess and the way she fought tooth and nail for their survival and in Ellie, once she quit being such a pain in the ass.

But perhaps the closest he’s been to a god in these last few miserable years has been between your thighs.

“Joel!” You cry out, squirming beneath his tight grip. He’s got you laid out on the work bench, thighs hugging his head as he licks and sucks your clit until you’re singing his praises. The storage shed is hot, sweat gathering at his neck and beading at his temple and making his fingers slip against your damp skin.

“Shhh, baby,” he murmurs, dragging his mouth away from your center and licking his lips to gather every drop of you from his flesh. “You’re fuckin’ loud today.”

“Sorry,” you whisper, voice breathy as your chest heaves with desperate breaths. “It’s been too long.”

“I know,” Joel agrees, standing up and leaning forward to steal a kiss, your hot mouth opening immediately for his tongue to explore. You taste like shitty instant coffee and mint, his favorite flavor as long as you're the source. “‘M sorry.”

Your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck, nails scratching against his scalp. He drags his lips across your jaw, down your neck, sinking his teeth briefly against your pulse point to make you shiver.

The modest dress you’re wearing is rucked up around your waist and Joel reaches down to slip his fingers past the elastic of your underwear, sinking two digits inside of you and groaning at how tight you are, how warm and wet you get for him. Your quiet whimper reaches his ears and he wishes he could hear you without restraint, wishes he knew how loud you could be. He’s fairly certain it’s as close to a choir of angels he could ever get.

Especially since he’s destined for hell. But that’s neither here nor there. Right now, he’s in heaven.

He removes his fingers, reaching up to slip them past your lips for a quick clean. Your tongue glides across his fingertips and your eyelids flutter shut as he uses his free hand to work his belt open with clumsy movements. He shoves his jeans and boxers down his hips, just enough to expose the hard length of his cock.

Joel pulls his hand away from your face, using his spit slick fingers to pump himself. With his other hand, he reaches into the chest pocket of his flannel shirt for his knife.

Your eyes go wide as he pops the blade open, slipping the cold steel beneath the elastic of your panties and tugging sharply. The fabric snaps, echoing your gasp, your mouth dropped open in surprise. He doesn’t give you long to recover, sliding his cock through your wet folds and smiling in satisfaction as your expression shifts from incredulity to pleasure.

“You ready?” Joel grunts, his tip catching at your entrance. You nod your head rapidly, but he’s in the mood to hear you beg. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Please, Joel,” you murmur. Your lashes glisten with captured tears and the sight makes his blood run hot. “Please, please, please!”

Joel presses forward, sinking into your body with ease. You have one hand on the workbench behind you to support yourself but the other grips his shoulder tightly, fingernails sure to leave little indents in his skin even through the fabric of his shirt.

“Christ,” he hisses, dropping his head into the crook of your neck. “Always feel so fuckin’ good. How is it always so fuckin’ good?”

“Need you to move,” you reply. “Please, Joel.”

And what is he if not your good and faithful servant?

Joel draws his hips back and thrusts sharply, lifting his head to watch your face as he does. This is his favorite part, staring into the Garden of Eden, enjoying his forbidden fruit. You whimper and moan, teeth digging into your bottom lip to keep quiet.

When he feels that knot of pleasure coiling tight in his belly, he curses and chases it all at once. It’s always over too soon when all he wants is to worship at your altar for eternity.

“Angel,” he murmurs, wrapping an arm around your low back as your own circle his shoulders. “Need you to come for me, baby.”

You whine, high and petulant. “No, no, no,” you chant, “Not yet.”

Joel leans forward to capture your lips with his, the action more of a sharing of breath that lacks any coordination of a proper kiss. He slips his hand between your bodies to circle your clit, the responding moan swallowed by his greedy mouth.

“Good thing you don’t make the rules,” he grunts, hips stuttering as you begin to squeeze around him. He may not inherit the kingdom of god, but he at least got a glimpse of heaven today.

Your legs drop from around his waist and he lifts his head to find your gaze. He always worries what he’ll see — disgust, guilt, and shame have all been reflected back at him before. But today…today you just smile softly, your skin damp with sweat and your lips swollen from his kisses and your teeth.

“Joel,” you murmur, pressing a palm to his cheek. “I have to go.”

Joel nods, knowing you’re right. He’s kept you long enough. Gray light filters through the dirt caked window of the little shed and you should get back to your home to get ready for Sunday service.

“I’ll see you around,” he replies, wrapping a hand behind your neck to pull you forward and give you one last hungry kiss before stepping away to right his pants. He holds a hand out to you to help you down from the work bench and watches as you fix your dress.

You give him one last watery smile before leaving through the flimsy wooden door. It slams back against the frame, the sound sharp to Joel’s ears. He sighs, counting to himself as he catalogs the spiderwebs and rusted tools in the shed.

There’s a flash of white in the corner of his eye. The mangled fabric of your panties sits discarded on the ground, and he leans forward to pick them up, pocketing them. For what, he’s not sure, but he’ll take any piece of you he can get.

Even if it’s just the part you’ve carelessly left behind.

________

Later, your husband stands at the dented podium to deliver his Sunday morning sermon to the good people of Jackson who still turn to religion for comfort and guidance. Joel isn’t one of those people, but he sits on a rough wooden bench across the aisle from you. Your panties are still tucked away in his pocket and he wonders if you’ve cleaned up already, or if you’re still full of him even as you sit there watching your husband.

“…And we see this spoken of in Proverbs 7:25 — ‘Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death’.”

Joel looks towards you as the words settle among the crowd. Your gaze remains steadfastly on your husband, but your hands move restlessly in your lap. When Joel looks up at the podium, he finds your husband’s righteous glare trained on him.

Maybe Joel was wrong. He hasn’t found heaven in you.

He’s just found a deeper hell.

Joel Miller masterlist

All masterlists

[frownyalfred]

Clark will cheat on Lois and get bruce pregnant, but when bruce realizes how the breakup of Lois and clark might break clark, he just keeps it a secret and almost dies multiple times

Oh wow, anon. I was going for like a 9/10 on angst. This is all the way past 11. Oh the possibilities!

[vixenihy]

Reunion: A Flash Fiction

Summary: October 17, 1963. Mrs. Kennedy finally returns from her trip to Greece, and her husband is waiting for her and ready to welcome her home.

Tags/Notes + Pairing: jfk x jackie kennedy, mentions of past infidelity, improved relationship, loss of child mention, caroline and john jr. are in it too lol.

Word Count: 897 words

A/N: this one is shorter and a bit messier than my last fic :,( i’ve been having quite a bit of brain fog so unfortunately some things may be a little off. sorry guys!! i hope you enjoy it <3 divider was made by @/ aquazero. hope you guys caught the jackie 2016 reference ;)

Jack sits in the backseat of the car, nervously playing with his hands in the darkness. Every so often, he looks out onto the empty runway only illuminated by blinking lights. Jackie will be here any minute now, but why do those minutes have to pass so slowly?

The past few weeks had been awfully rough without Jackie; The depression and headaches he acquired from his withdrawals after finally being able to stay abstinent and cut himself away from the rest of his ‘women’ was rough. He’d been so used to that lifestyle, he never realized how addicted he was until he found himself desperately writing a letter at midnight to a woman he had ended his affair with over a year prior. When he read the letter the next morning, he embarrassingly shoved it in the bottom of his desk with the intention of discarding it.

Having to continue to mourn the loss of Patrick on his own after Jackie left was even worse. Sure, he had dealt with plenty of things on his own before, and Jackie had been there for him up until the day she left; but there were times at work where he felt so alone. He didn’t dare bother his wife about it when she was recuperating from the loss. So when he got off the phone with Jackie, there was no one to call, no one to talk to, and no one to see. Just cabinet members and paperwork. When he cried in his wife’s arms that day, he felt as if his eyes were opened to a new world. To be comforted by someone he loved dearly and not shunned for crying made him feel…loved… Though this was an incredible realization for him, he didn’t feel comfortable opening himself up like that with anyone else; at least not yet. Joan was there for him when he secluded himself in his room and didn’t come out, and he’d gotten a few sympathy calls here and there; but it just wasn’t the same as that morning when he felt Jackie lovingly wrap her arms around him as he let his emotions run like a river.

“Daddy, look!” Caroline exclaims, pointing out the window with that innocent smile she shares with her father. “I think I see mommy!” She continues, climbing over her dad and brother to see the plane landing in the once empty runway. Jack can’t help but smile at her excitement and

“I think you’re right, Buttons! Lets go out there and meet her. But stay close to me okay? Don’t run out in front of the plane before they put the stairs down.” He instructs, opening the car door and stepping out before taking Caroline and John’s hands into his.

“I wanna go on the plane!!” John shouts, pulling against his fathers hand as they approach the runway. Jack does his best to hide his own excitement as the stairs are placed in front of the door. And as soon as the door opens, Jack bends down as best he can.

“Go on, go give mommy a hug.” He tells them before rising and letting them rush off ahead of him and climb the stairs.

As Jack follows his children, he finally comes face to face with the woman he missed so dearly.

Jackie looks just as beautiful as she did when she left, and as she rises from greeting Caroline and John to look him in the eyes, she looks just as happy to see him as he does for her.

Without a word, Jack leans over and takes Jackie in his arms. His back issues and lack of experience in physical contact makes his hugs quite stiff, but Jackie doesn’t mind one bit.

Jackie pulls back slightly and wraps her arm around her husbands neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

“I missed you, Jack.” She sighs, shuffling the two of them away from the open door so that they can’t be photographed by the swarm of paparazzi outside and holding him close.

“I missed you too, Jackie…” Jack smiles, letting go of his wife and glancing at the open door leading out the crowds of photographers awaiting the First Lady’s return.

“You’ve got quite an audience out there…Are you ready?” He asks teasingly, brushing a lock of hair out of Jackie’s eyes.

“Of course, I love crowds.” She replies, her voice laced with sarcasm. She pulls away from her husband and reveals herself to the sea of cameras. They run their films and snap their flashbulbs at the family as they descend the stairs and make their way to the car waiting for them. Jackie is the first to enter the car, then the children, and finally Jack.

“It’s good to have you home, Mrs. Kennedy. Now, why don’t you tell me about Greece. I take it that you had a good time?” Jack teases, reaching his arm over their children clinging to their mother so that he can put his arm over her shoulder.

“You’ll know when we get home….” Jackie smiles back, giving her husband a discreet wink before looking down at Caroline and John, who had managed to fall asleep in their mothers lap. “But first, I think it’s time for bed.” She finishes quietly just as the car comes to a stop in front of the White House…

[eddiestightywhities]

food for thought | M | 1,950

[check the link above for tags]

warning: passive suicidality

.

SUMMARY:

Maybe he just finds this kind of shit hard to gauge or something. Maybe he's just a freak, lol.

OR

Buck thinks about death, kind of a lot. He also thinks about everything else under the sun—including doing things with his best friend that best friends don't usually do together.

.

pls check the tags and read on ao3 HERE

[n0va-daamnn]

mentally unstable trio.

//tw

a bit of gore and suicide mention

↓

Og pic.

[inlovewithpandora]

- Forever Doesn’t Last -

Pairing: Neteyam (20) x Omatikaya fem! reader (19)

Request: Yes || No

Based on this request

Synopsis: You caught your boyfriend cheating on you and the next day he dumped you for her. Your heart was shattered and your best friend Neteyam was there to help pick up the pieces. Neteyam was hoping this would be his opportunity to make you see him as more than a friend.

Content: childhood bestfriends to lovers, angst, comfort, fluff, infidelity, mentions of sex, arguing, mentions of STD’s (you’ll see why) mild swearing

Author’s Note:

- idk if Na’vi are actually able to get STD’s or have a form of their own but for the sake of this story let’s pretend they can😭

- italicized words indicate a flashback

- if you see mistakes please excuse them

Word Count: 4.1k

Extra: Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are highly appreciated🩷!

Links: Navigation || Avatar Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Taglist

Darkness.

That's all you felt, all you could see.

You haven't left your pod in days, the way you felt currently was like someone came and stomped on your heart. As you sat in the darkness of your pod the past events that caused you to be in this condition played through your head.

You and your boyfriend Tawal haven't been spending that much time together because he told you he's been busy with warrior training which you understood. You decided to make his favorite meal and bring it to him as a surprise so the both of you could spend quality time together.

As you walked closer to his pod you could hear faint noises, 'what is that?' you thought to yourself. As you got closer walking ever so quietly you begin to hear a woman's voice, "Yes! T-Tawal j-just like that" You heard the unknown woman moan out in pleasure.

The curtain to his pod was slightly open so you could see Tawal rutting into her as lewd noises evaded the woman and Tawal's mouth. As you watched them your eyes began to water. You couldn't believe the man you loved decided to cheat on you and screw this woman. You wanted to barge in there and rip his head off but you didn't instead, you went home and cried yourself to sleep.

The next day as you clean around your pod, you heard someone's footsteps enter "Good morning" you heard Tawal say as he sat down at your table "Where is my breakfast? You usually have breakfast prepared for me when I come over" He looked at you confused as to why this routine changed all of a sudden.

You let out a dark chuckle while shaking your head, "Why don't you have that woman you were fucking yesterday do it for you" You scowled at him as his eyebrows raised "What are you talking about Y/N? I wasn't with a woman yesterday " He said as he began walking up to you and tried to kiss your lips.

You backed up from him and began raising your voice, "Stop playing stupid Tawal I HEARD her moaning your name I SAW you thrusting into her like a wild animal!"

"How did you even hear and see us? What were you do—"

"It doesn't matter what I was doing, the point is that I caught you and I can't believe you just tried to act like it wasn't true! How could you cheat on me Tawal?! How could you just decide to go sleep with some random girl!?" As you yelled he didn’t even say anything and you hated how he looked so serene.

"SAY SOMETHING YOU ASSHOLE!"

Tawal's once calm demeanor changed to an angry one, you calling him an 'asshole' flickered something in him. "You want to know why I did it?! Fine, I'll tell you! We've been together for almost a year and we haven't even had sex one time! all we do is kiss and touch and that shit is boring"

"I told you before we started dating I didn't want to have sex until we mated and you said you were okay with that!" You were always a little insecure about wanting to wait. Deep down you felt like Tawal would do something like this because you weren't giving him the full package.

"Well, clearly I'm not! I can't be with a woman who can't fully gratify me, that's why I'm breaking up with you and I'm going to mate with Zora. She is a woman who can FULLY tend to my needs" As you heard him say that your heart felt like it broke in half. You couldn't believe the man you loved just said another woman could satisfy him.

"Zora?! You wanna mate with Zora?! That's the woman you want instead of me?!" you say as hot tears began to stain your cheeks "Someone who has fucked every man in the clan?! that's someone you want to mate with?!"

Zora is a promiscuous woman who is well known by any and every man in the clan. She sleeps with anyone that gives her the slightest attention. If a man even made eye contact with her she was ready to spread her legs wide open for him.

"Yes, it is! She is— you know what?! Why am I even explaining myself to you? It doesn't even matter just listen to my words I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE!" He yelled so loud that you are sure that the whole clan heard.

Hearing him say he didn't want you made your heartache, "W-We were suppose to be together forever Tawal! Y-you promised me we would always be together forever! How could you do this to us?!"

It was like everything changed between the two of you in a blink of an eye. Like he just changed into this monster overnight.

"Forever doesn't last when there isn't anything there anymore Y/N! Do you not get that?!" As he watched you cry he didn't even feel an ounce of guilt for the pain he caused you, he felt like you brought this upon yourself. "I stopped loving you a while ago, maybe if you would've been putting out like a real woman should this wouldn't have happened!"

The sadness you felt was soon replaced with a feeling of fierce anger

"YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU TAWAL! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! LEAVE! NOW!" You shouted with venom falling off your lips as you hit him in the chest and pushed him toward the entryway of your pod. You couldn't stand to look at him anymore, looking at the cold expression on his face made your stomach churn. His words lingering in the air made you feel physical pain.

"DON'T COME BACK!" You shoved him out of your pod and tied your curtain closed so no one could come in.

That was the last time you saw him and the first day you felt gloom grow inside you.

Ever since that day, you haven't stepped foot out of your pod. You didn't want to see anyone, you didn't want to hear people whispering about you and Tawal, and you just couldn't handle the discomfiture right now. You didn't even want to see your best friend Neteyam, you didn't want him to see you so broken and distraught.

The past few days you haven't been taking care of yourself or your home properly. Your pod was a mess and you haven't been eating. You didn't have the strength to do anything except cry. Every time someone would come to make sure you were okay you would just snarl at them and tell them to leave and everyone would do what you asked.

At this time you were laying down in your makeshift bed balling your eyes out. Your emotions were still raw from the fight and breakup with Tawal and it was hitting you like a brick wall. You didn't want to do anything except weep into your pillow, you were crying so much that your head was throbbing. You just felt so lost and broken and you loathed Tawal for making you feel like this.

As you continued feeling melancholic you heard a voice, "Y/N let me come in, I want to make sure you're okay" Neteyam said as he stood outside your pod. He has been so worried about you ever since he heard you and Tawal argue. He didn't know what the origin was but he knew it must've been bad.

"Neteyam leave me be! Go away!" You yell out hoping he would leave. He's been coming by every day and every time you sent him away, he usually listened and left but today he wasn't going to leave.

"No, I'm not leaving until I know you're okay. You're my best friend and I haven't seen you in days."

"Neteyam please leave! I-I don't want to see you! I don't want you to see me like this!" You say as your voice began to crack. You hated that you kept turning him away but you just couldn't face him in this state.

When Neteyam heard your voice crack he felt a twinge in his heart, "Y/N please let me in, let me be there for you" You could hear slight desperation in his voice, you knew that he wanted to see you.

You knew that Neteyam was going to keep persisting so you let out a sigh and sluggishly made your way to the curtain so you could untie it for him to come in. Once you untied it you walked back into your bed and pulled your blanket around your body. "Come in Neteyam" you say just loud enough for him to hear you from outside.

Neteyam pulled the curtain back and walked in. His eyes widened when he saw the condition of your pod. He knew you were a very clean and tidy person so for you to have a messy pod he knew something was definitely bothering you.

Neteyam walks over to you and sits down at the end of the bed, "Y/N please talk to me what's wrong? What’s going on with you and Tawal?"

Hearing his name made your ears pin to the side of your head and made you sit up with an angry glare, "Do not speak of him in my house. I do not want to hear his name" you tell him as more tears flow down your face.

This was the first time Neteyam has seen you in days and he began to take in your appearance. You had puffy eyes with dark circles, your hair was all over the place and you just didn't look anything like your normal self. "Y/N what happened? Did he do something to you?" He put his hands on your arms and began to rub them softly.

You haven't had contact with anyone in days, feeling Neteyam's warmth radiating towards you as his fingertips glided against your skin and his concern-filled eyes made you cry even harder, "I- was walking *sniffle* to his pod and I saw him w-with—he was—" you couldn't even finish your sentence without breaking out into a sob. "Shhh it's okay Y/N you don't have to tell me right now" He brought you into his embrace and began rubbing your back to comfort you as your head was on his shoulder. He could gather what you were trying to say and he saw Tawal and Zora sneaking off together earlier today so he connected the dots.

"I'm here for you Y/N, I'm going to help you get through this. You won't feel like this forever, the pain you feel will soon subside. I'll be by your side no matter what" Neteyam could see how broken you were and he was going to help you pick up the pieces.

That day Neteyam stayed and comforted you. After a while, Neteyam was able to get you to calm down and you began to drift off to sleep on his shoulder. "Y/N?" He whispered, he didn't hear you respond so he assumed you fell asleep. He laid your body gently back onto the bed and pulled the cover over you so that you wouldn't be cold.

He then turned around and began walking into the open area of your pod. He began to clean up your pod for you as you slept peacefully. He wanted to start helping you get into a better head space and by being in a clean environment he felt like that would help.

You and Neteyam have been best friends ever since the two of you were children. One day you were playing with your toy hexapede in a patch of moss and a group of little kids began to tease you. Neteyam watched the interaction from afar and marched over to where you were and ran the children away. You thanked Neteyam for helping you and from that day forward the two of you were inseparable.

As both of you got older Neteyam started to grow feelings for you. He never expressed his feelings because he didn't know how you would react and he didn't want to ruin your friendship so he hid his feelings from you. Anytime the two of you were together and you weren't paying attention he would give you loving glances and would admire your beautiful smile. He always loved seeing your usual joyful spirit so seeing you so in such a broken state pained him.

Hours went by and he finally finished cleaning your pod from top to bottom. As he was admiring his work you began to wake up. You began hearing movement in your pod and you assumed it was your best friend, "Teyam?"

When Neteyam heard your voice he immediately came to where you were, "Yes?"

"What are you still doing here? I thought you would've left by now..." you say as you rubbed your eyes with sleep still lingering in your voice.

"I stayed and did a little something for you" he said with a soft smile which made you fur your eyebrows, "what do you mean? What did you do?"

Without saying a word he put out his hand for you to grab. You moved your hand toward him and he helped you up and intertwined his hand with yours and began walking to the open area of your pod. As you followed him you looked around and saw that all the things you had sprawled out and the piles of mess you had were cleaned up.

As you walked deeper into the open area and saw how spotless everything was your eyes widened, "Neteyam did you clean all of this for me?"

"Yes of course I did, I wanted to help you so I did one of the things I'm good at which it's cleaning"

When you looked at Neteyam you could see a warm smile on his face. You knew that Neteyam always loved to help people but for him to help you brought out a feeling you haven't felt in the past few days which was happiness.

A soft smile spread across your face as you wrapped your arms around Neteyam's neck and pulled him for a hug, "Thank you Neteyam, you didn't have to do this for me"

At first, Neteyam was surprised by your sudden contact but he was glad to see your smile again. He wrapped his arms around your waist and hugged you back, "Your welcome, I know I didn't have to but I wanted to"

As both of you hugged it felt like butterflies swarmed your stomach, you've never felt this sensation with Neteyam before so it was new to you. You unwrapped your arms from around his neck and pulled back and began looking into his golden eyes. His eyes were piercing your soul, it was almost like he was trying to tell you something.

This is the moment you realized that you and Neteyam's friendship was going to slowly change. You didn't know what direction it would go but you were interested in finding out.

—

Over this past month, Neteyam has been helping and caring for you vastly. In the beginning, you were nervous about being around the clan again, scared that you would overhear them gossiping about you. You told Neteyam about how you felt and from that point on every time you had to walk around the village he was right by your side. When he would hear someone whispering your name or even look at you the wrong way he would bare his teeth and their actions would come to a halt.

In the beginning, you were starting to get back to your normal self being happy and bright but sometimes the gloom you once felt consumed you and took you back to the emotions you felt the day you found Tawal with Zora.

Neteyam would find you crying or throwing things angrily around your pod. He would quickly come to you and wipe your tears and tell you everything would be okay or he would grab whatever was in your hand and calm you down.

Some nights he even stayed over with you just to make sure you were okay throughout the night. Some of those nights you would peacefully sleep and some nights you went on full rants about how much of an asshole Tawal was and sat there Neteyam and listened to your every word, saying little things every few seconds to let you know he was actively listening.

As the weeks progressed you were finally getting over Tawal. Seeing him in the village with Zora didn't affect you anymore, at first when the wound he created on your heart was fresh you wanted to break their unholy union. But after a while, you realized that it was only a matter of time before Eywa gave him the karma he deserves.

Over this month your friendship with Neteyam has changed, you were now seeing him in a new light.

You were now seeing him romantically.

Whenever you saw him you paid more attention to his physique. The way his body was sculpted so beautifully and how his cummerbund was wrapped around his small waist.

Every time Neteyam would grab your hand and walk beside you through the forest you felt sparks of electricity go through you, you felt blissful with him. Now when you were around him you never wanted him to leave, you wanted him to be glued to your side.

These feelings you felt with Neteyam you've never felt before not even with Tawal. The way Neteyam was making you feel was something truly unique.

Over this month Neteyam's feelings for you have grown and he felt them immensely. He felt like his heart was going to explode at the sight of you, every time he walked and talked with you he felt a overwhelming amount of serotonin rush through his veins.

It has now gotten to the point where he couldn't hide his feelings from you anymore, he had to tell you in the hope that you felt the same.

You and Neteyam were currently sitting next to each other carving and painting wooden beads. As he watched you paint your beads he could see a joyous smile plastered onto your face, "Teyam this is fun!" you tell him with child like excitement as you dip your fingers into the bowl of green paint. "Yeah this is fun" he chuckled as he continued carving beads for you to paint.

Since you were in a happy mood he felt like this was the best time to confess his feelings for you, "Y/N I've been wanting to tell you something for a while..."

You looked up from what you were doing and faced him, "Okay what is it?"

Neteyam took in a deep breath and mentally said a prayer to Eywa that this would go the way he hopes, "Every since we were young I've liked you romantically. For years I have yearned for you, in secrecy and silence and I just can't dismiss my feelings for you anymore" As Neteyam notices your gaze on the ground he grabs your chin lightly and looks at you with a loving gaze "I can't pretend that I don't love you anymore because I do".

As you sat there and listened to Neteyam's words and looked into his golden eyes you felt a deep affection for him. Over the past month, your feelings have grown for him too. "I'm infatuated with you Neteyam, I've been for a while I was just waiting for you" you say brightly as your eye’s begin to glisten with happiness

"I see you Teyam"

"I see you too Y/N, I will always see you" Neteyam pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around your waist. You laid back on his chest with your head in the crook of his neck while he leaned up against the tree behind him. From being so close together you could feel his warmth mixing with yours.

The two of you sat together watching the sun set on the forest as both of you just embraced each other and soaked up the loving aura in the air.

—

As you and Neteyam were walking through the forest you heard Lo'ak calling out for both of you, "Y/N! Neteyam!" Both of you turned around and saw Lo'ak walking toward the two of you.

"What is it baby bro?" Neteyam asked with a confused look, wondering why he was calling them

"Did you two hear about Tawal and Zora?" Lo'ak said while trying to hold back a laugh

"No what happened?" You asked him

"There's is a rumor going around the clan that since they mated Zora has still been sleeping with other men and she gave Tawal an STD" Lo'ak said while laughing

Your eyes widen as you heard Lo'ak tell you this information, "Really?!"

"Yes I even heard him ask one of the elders if there was anything to get rid of his 'burning and itching' problem"

You and Neteyam began to laugh as you heard of Tawal's issue. You knew that Eywa was going to give him some sort of karma and this was it.

"He brought it on himself by knowingly sleeping with a woman who has slept with every man in the twice. He knew what he was getting himself into" you said while shrugging your shoulders. You didn't feel any remorse for him but how could you after what he did to you?

As you, Neteyam, and Lo'ak continued laughing you could see Tawal walking past the three of you. Tawal walked past trying not to be seen but it didn't work out in his favor, "Hey Tawal! Are you still itching and burning from Zora?!" Lo'ak yelled out which made you and Neteyam break out into laughter.

"Lo'ak!" you were beginning to grow breathless as laughs erupted from your throat. You tried to seize your laughter but you couldn't. The situation was just too hilarious not to laugh.

As Tawal heard all of you laughing he grew so embarrassed that his tail tucked in between his legs. He began to speed walk away, trying to get away from the three of you as quick as he could.

As Tawal walked away he could see you and Neteyam holding hands. It sickened him to see you with him but he knew that he messed up all his chances with you. Tawal knew you deserved someone better and that Neteyam was better deserving of your love and affection.

Tawal looks back at you one more time before walking away. As he thought about the good times both of you had and how you use to make him laugh, a single tear fell down his cheek. He felt so stupid for messing this up with you for Zora. After he and Zora mated he realized everything he felt for her was lust, they didn't have any real connection like the one both of you shared. He didn't know why his past self broke up with you for a bottom-of-the-barrel woman.

As he walked away he saw Zora walk up to him, "Tawal why are crying? What is wrong?" She asked him as she went to reach out for his hand. Tawal scoffed and backed away from her, "Get away from Zora, you're what's wrong with me. You ruined the best relationship I had and you gave me a disease for Eywa's sake! I mated with you and you continued to sleep around, you told me you would stop but you didn't. You've made me look like a fool in front of the whole clan!" They began to have a loud argument which drew your attention.

As you look at him you were glad that he ended things off with you because if he hadn't you wouldn't have been able to have Neteyam as a lover. You were thankful to Eywa that she destined this path for you, that she made you and Neteyam's stars aligned. You were thankful that your best friend turn into your lover.

You move closer to Neteyam and lean in to kiss his cheek. Neteyam turns and looked down at you with his loving eyes, "What was that for?"

"It was because I love you" you say as warmth spreads across your cheeks and they begin to turn a light shade of purple.

You begin to see his lips curl up into a smile. He grabs your chin lightly and pulls you in for a soft yet loving kiss, "I love you too, I'll always love you forever"

I hope you enjoyed🩷!

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[loomingxsonder]

“WHAT'S IN YOUR HEAD?”

INTRODUCING…

NAME: Lydia Miranda Sullivan

GENDER & PREFERRED PRONOUNS: Cis woman {She/Her}

AGE: 25

BIRTHDAY: October 31, 1999

ZODIAC: Scorpio Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising

SEXUALITY: Bisexual

FACE CLAIM: Sophie Thatcher

LABEL: The Sleuth

OCCUPATION: Paranormal Investigator/Podcast Host/Writer/Student

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Kilmer's Cove, RI

CHARACTER PLAYLIST: HERE.

UP NEXT: “ZOMBIE” BY THE CRANBERRIES

BIOGRAPHY: TW POLICE MENTION

Lydia was born in Kilmer's Cove to a respected detective and a well-loved pre-k teacher. The young girl grew up with a fascination for the strange and unusual that only strengthened as she grew older. This fascination stemmed from her uncle - a self-proclaimed cryptozoologist and occult specialist, who spoke of Kilmer's Cove and all of the lore surrounding the place as though it were straight from a Stephen King novel. One thing that Lydia always told herself was that she was going to be the one to solve all the mysteries in town.

She didn't quite start to meddle in with police and town business until she was in middle school. Jokingly being penned the 'Nancy Drew' of the town by the other residents. Though, her sleuthing only became worse the older she got, and she also had some friends to tag along. Her father attempted to contain her, but no threats of grounding or things being taken away could really keep her at a distance. He blamed himself, always shaking his head and stating that it was in her blood.

Besides the paranormal/mystery group she has with her friends - Lydia runs her own podcast that surrounds the lore of haunted towns around the world; she debunks some, whilst questioning the validity of the evidence in others. Lydia is also taking online courses, working towards her parapsychology PhD. All whilst juggling her horror writing career.

EXTRA-EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT HER!

Lydia is a passionate individual. Anything she is interested in, she pursues with her whole heart. This can also be seen in her activism for the planet and other people. She is very witty and has quite a sharp tongue if others step on her toes or even in intellectual debates. She received straight A's her whole life, and looking at her current GPA of a 4.0 - there's no sign of that changing in her doctorate career. Lydia is comical in a way that she doesn't mean to be. She loves to watch and digest film - she's known to figure out the twists and turns within the first 10 minutes of the movie or show that's on. Lydia is always looking for new hobbies. Recently, she took up painting and she could easily be found out in nature painting some landscapes. She's like an encyclopedia of facts in the realm of cryptozoology and the paranormal - making her an excellent person to bounce around conspiracies in your smoke circle. Lydia doesn't necessarily trust love. She sees it as a transaction that she isn't interested in at the moment. This could be blamed on her father's infidelity. She's always 5 minutes late to everything. She loves to collect crystals and partake in tarot readings. Overall, she's like a mix of Velma Dinkley, Stiles Stilinski, Randy Meeks, and Kat Stratford.

PERSONALITY:

+ Adroit, Charismatic, and Dauntless

- Sarcastic, Intangible, and Superstitious

[luciferfemme]

The Poolboy Butch

Author's Note:

I'm including some content warnings right off the bat for implied/mentions of eating disorders, abuse, and cheating. This is also smutty so 18+ only. no men.

“I’ve hired someone new to take care of the pool,” Artemis looked up from the meager breakfast she had been staring blankly at, in the hopes of avoiding having to hear yet another criticism about her weight from her husband. Not that he spoke much to her these days anyway. The rare times she saw him at all, his nose was buried in a newspaper. In the event he did deign to speak with her, it was never for anything as trivial as pool maintenance, so this announcement caught her off guard. Her husband didn’t bother to look up from his paper. She supposed she preferred it to his criticizing her appearance. “They’ll be here in a few hours. I trust you can show them where the pool is?” 

“Yes,” Artemis said quietly, not bothering to even finish the slice of grapefruit before her. She left the table before her husband, opting to spend the rest of the morning on the treadmill. She was by no means heavy, but the last five years of hearing constantly how disgusting he was to look at had taken a toll and had caused Artemis to develop habits that worried her friends. She smoked now for one thing, as an appetite suppressant, but really, a part of her rather hoped it really would shave a few years off her life. Better to die young than have to stay married and miserable. 

“Why don’t you just divorce him?” Her friends had all but begged. Artemis’ reply was always the same. It wasn’t that simple. Everything was in her husband’s name. If they divorced, Artemis would have nothing. No home, no car, no family to speak of, she hadn’t a proper job in all this time and she wasn’t smart enough to do anything. Or at least, that’s what her husband always said.

Artemis shook her head, running harder on the treadmill, hoping to silence her thoughts. She was lightheaded, and a little dizzy, but she refused to stop. It wouldn’t be the first time she blacked out on the treadmill. If anything, it could only silence the screaming voice in her head that could only be her husband reminding her how repulsive she was.

The doorbell rang; the smart doorbell connected to her phone alerted her to the presence of someone waiting for her. She blinked, looking around the room, not quite remembering what had happened. Her body ached and the treadmill was still going several feet from her head. She groaned. The doorbell rang again. Artemis sighed, pulling her phone out of her back pocket and pulled up the doorbell app. There standing in front of the door was a handsome, dark-haired stranger. 

“Hello?” Artemis asked, though it pained her to do so. She hoped she hadn’t cracked a rib again. 

“Mrs. Bradley? I’m Ash, the pool person,” the voice on the other end said. Artemis sat up fast, then hissed in pain. 

“Fuck.”

“Are you okay?” 

“I’ve been better,” Artemis replied with a grunt. “Sorry please come in. I’ll be down in a moment,” she tapped a button on her phone to unlock the door, and stared up at the ceiling, trying to muster up enough strength to get up off the floor. 

“Mrs. Bradley?” She heard Ash say from downstairs. 

“Up here,” she said. In a mater of moments she heard footsteps on the stairs. 

“Oh my god, are you alright?” Ash ran over to her the moment they saw her, dropping everything as they kneeled down at her side. Artemis looked up at them. Up close, she realized for the first time that the pool cleaner was not a man as she had expected. But instead a very handsome woman. She was wearing a baseball cap, and a Hawaiian shirt that was open, and a black tank top on top of that. Artemis smiled weakly. 

“I’m fi…” she said attempting to sit up. But she had barely managed to sit up when a sharp pain cut through her ribs again. 

“I think I should get you to a hospital,” Ash said, supporting the back of her head in her arms. Artemis inhaled the scent of the other woman. A pungent smell of something spicy and a little masculine, a cologne of some kind filled her nostrils, but she couldn't place it. She resisted the urge to tell Ash she smelled nice, but only just.

“I’ll be fine,” Artemis lied. “I just lost my footing I guess.” Ash looked down at her suspiciously and helped her sit up with some amount of effort. 

“Well at least let me get you to the sofa over there. And then I’ll get you some ice.” Ash got up easily, giving Artemis a better view of her. She was muscled in a way that Artemis had never seen before in another woman, and it was making her feel heady in a different sort of way than she had before. Ash leaned down and scooped her up into her arms easily and carried her over to the sofa, placing her gently down upon it.

Artemis blushed. Before she could say another word, Ash made her way back down the stairs and into the kitchen, moving as if she knew her way around the place. Artemis closed her eyes for just a moment; when she opened them again, Ash was standing there with a baggie of ice and a glass of orange juice. 

Ash handed her the orange juice first, then pulled off her Hawaiian shirt and wrapped it around the ice, and handed it over to Artemis who placed it against her ribs. She stared at the orange juice for a long moment, debating if it was really worth the empty calories. But Ash had folded her arms over her chest in a way that said she expected her to drink it. So she did. 

She felt almost instantly better. 

It was then, as her mind began to clear that she was able to take in more about Ash’s appearance. For instance, there were multiple tattoos all over her body. Then there was the fact that she could now see without the shirt that Ash had very hairy underarms, and hairy legs, and why was that doing something for Artemis? She had never been interested in women before. But then, she had never seen a woman like Ash before. Ash kneeled across from her. “Do you mind if I check your ribs?” She asked. Artemis blushed. “Don’t worry, I went to nursing school.” 

“How did you end up a pool cleaner?” Artemis asked. She groaned to herself feeling instantly like a jackass for the question. "Sorry, that was so rude."

“Family business,” Ash said carefully removing the ice. Artemis hissed but there was something so gentle in her movements that she couldn’t help but let her do whatever she needed. Ash examined her stomach carefully, she didn’t comment on anything other than to say that her stomach looked badly bruised, but she could not say if it was broken. “You’ll be okay.” 

“T-thanks.” Artemis said. 

Ash smiled. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Artemis grinned bracing herself for the worst. “Sure.” 

“Is your husband always such a dick, or was I just very unlucky?” 

At this, Artemis laughed, it was painful, but it managed to make her smile all the same. 

Ash smiled too, a bright smile that felt as though it was warming up every part of Artemis. It was a smile that felt like the sun. Radiant, effervescent, and almost addictive too. She realized then and there that she desperately wanted to kiss this other woman, though she knew that she couldn’t. Ash seemed to be thinking much the same thing, her eyes darted down to Artemis’s lips, then back up to meet her eyes. 

Artemis swallowed, staring into the warm dark brown pools that were Ash’s eyes. 

“I should really get to cleaning your pool,” Ash said, not moving from her spot at Artemis’ side, never letting their eyes tear away from one another for even a moment. 

“Must you?” 

Ash swallowed, it was clear she was only just resisting the urge to kiss her. “Can I…”

“Whatever it is, yes,” Artemis replied. Before she knew what was happening, Ash closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together. All at once Artemis felt as though she were flying. She felt weightless and tingly, and were it not for the fact that she could feel Ash’s lips against her own, her tongue sliding into her mouth and her strong hands now cupping the back of her head Artemis might have thought she had passed out again. It was easily the best kiss she had ever experienced in all her life. In that kiss, Ash managed to convey entire paragraphs of information just with her tongue. Artemis shivered, heart racing. It felt almost too good to be true, and she was terrified that when at last they pulled away it would all have been a dream. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Ash whispered against her lips. 

Artemis curled in on herself at that. She didn’t feel beautiful. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt beautiful, or even been told it. But somehow coming from Ash, she wanted to believe it. 

Ash kissed down her jaw, towards her throat, and the column of flesh there, sucking a mark onto her neck. Artemis gasped, arching towards Ash’s lips. “So so beautiful.” 

Artemis winced again despite herself. Ash paused, pulling away at that. “Did I hurt you?” 

“No,” Artemis said trying to sound more sure of herself. 

“I’m sorry, I… I got too carried away didn’t I? God you just passed out I never should have,” Ash said pulling away, but Artemis pulled her in for another kiss, stopping Ash’s worry in mid-sentence. Ash smiled against her lips. 

A moment later, it was Artemis that pulled away feeling unsure. “Sorry, I… it’s just been such a long time since someone touched me and complimented me I…” she felt as though she were on the verge of tears. 

“What?” Ash asked, looking horrified. 

Artemis looked away ashamed then. Ash placed her finger under Artemis’s chin lifting her face towards her. “You can’t tell me that husband of yours isn’t obsessed with you. Please, say it isn’t so.” Artemis blushed crimson, feeling a deep sense of shame somehow. “If you were my wife I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you,” Ash said, her hand on Artemis’ thigh. Artemis gasped, looking into Ash’s eyes fully then. 

“Really?” 

“Damn straight.” Artemis smiled, feeling adored for the first time in what felt like forever. It was almost overwhelming, she had to admit. “He’s a damn fool not to worship you as the goddess you are.” Artemis kissed the other woman again, feeling a newfound sense of hope and comfort that she hadn’t imagined possible. Ash kissed down her neck, each time looking up at her to request permission. Artemis nodded as Ash took off her top, and kissed slowly over her breasts, eliciting a moan from the other woman as she did so. She moved down her body, carefully kissing each rib making sure to be gentle with Artemis all the while.

When at last she was between her legs, she gave her a look, and Artemis bit her lip as she stared down at her. She nodded, and Ash slid her hand up Artemis’ thigh, beneath her skirt and slid her panties down past her ankles. She turned her hat backwards and out of her way.

It had felt like an eternity since anyone had the desire to give her any sort of pleasure, so much so that the moment Ash’s tongue touched her skin it was all Artemis could do not to scream. Before she knew what was happening, her fingers had curled their way into Ash’s hair. She felt rather than heard Ash hum in appreciation, her fingers digging into Artemis' thighs as she teased her with her tongue. Moving achingly slowly, little teasing flicks that made Artemis want to beg for more. Please. More. “Ash,” she moaned. Ash grinned against her, pressing a kiss to her thigh, and curled their fingers together. She pressed her face in closer so her tongue would slide in deeper, causing Artemis to let out a loud guttural moan. Ash’s lips and tongue moved in tandem, moving swiftly and with such ferocious intensity that Artemis was certain she would cum in an instant. She felt herself bucking against Ash’s tongue. Ash growled appreciatively a sound that only served to turn Artemis on more. She moaned, her fingers tightly laced against Ash’s. 

Ash moved faster, clearly determined to make her cum. Artemis whimpered, she had been trying to stop herself when Ash pulled away just long enough to whisper against her flesh. “Give it to me baby. Cum for me,” Artemis let out a loud cry, as she came hard from Ash’s words. 

Ash ate her through it, not letting up for a moment, as Artemis shivered. It was the single best orgasm she’d ever had, unsurprisingly. It was after all the first one in recent memory where the focus had actually been on her pleasure alone. 

“You’re so delicious,” Ash said, licking her shiny lips. 

“You’re very good at that,” Artemis said. 

“Just wait till I get my strap in you.” Ash grinned and winked. 

Artemis’ eyes widened at that. 

“That’s for another time when your rib isn’t bruised. I’ll go down and get you something to eat and some water. Gotta keep your strength up.” 

Artemis blushed at that, but she didn’t argue. Her body felt like jelly, and a wave of serotonin was coursing through her veins at this very moment. It was then that she knew, she had to leave her husband, one way or another.

[sinnohstruggles]

[Chat Log, dated 16/07/04

[Venus, I fear he may discover this]

[Cyrus, dear, that doesn't matter]

[...what do you mean?]

[That stupid boy wouldn't dare say anything about it if he found it]

[How can you be so sure, Venus?]

[Because even my husband has one, he knows its there but he hasn't said a word to me about it]

[You told me you would divorce the old prick]

[Have patience, my dear, I'm waiting it out]

[...waiting what out?]

[Remember how I'd told you that he'd found an ancient strain of pokérus contained in a fossil?]

[I do]

[Turns out, it used to be lethal for pokémon...]

[Go on...]

[This ancient strain can be transmitted to humans]

[How- no...]

[It'll take years, perhaps even over a decade, but it will kill him]

[localplaguenurse]

Zhongli gets wifey pregnant for a sixth time, how is the main 5 reaction to their being unable to leave their mother's body alone? (Did I word that weird)

Also can I be Mistress/Lady Anon to make things easier?

100% honesty that was gonna be the original ending of the fic. Instead of them getting married again it was gonna be wifey telling Zhongli they're pregnant.

Depends on the ages I guess. If they were still relatively young (like the twins were still kids/teens) they'd be like "you don't have enough on your plate?" but obvs still very supportive because oh shit new sibling! (And also the oldest three would've been out of the house o y'know that does make things simpler.)

But if it's current genshin timeline oh god they would clown on the two so hard. Not even just that they waited like 1900+ years to pop out another (about 1983 to be hyperspecific, they had Yan two years after the end of the archon war and he was 15 when the twins arrived), but also that their literally newborn great grandchild is older than their sixth kid-

"You lot act like I'm some sort of baby factory. I was only pregnant four times, it's not as if we planned on having twins."

"Lmao are you saying this one's an accident?"

"This one's about to become my favourite child if you don't knock it off."

[civicmuses]

anonymous asked:

Marsha what's your opinion on emorty's previous relationship with emeg?

"Honestly, I don't know much about it besides what emorty was saying. About how he pampered and spoiled her...made me think about Jason. In between all of the times he cheated on me and hurt me both physically and emotionally...he would treat me like a princess." She paused as she looked down. "...I found out afterward that it was love bombing...just another one of his tricks to keep me around." She looks back up. "I don't know what emeg was thinking so I can only assume. And I know I'm sounding kind of biased right now."

@mcltiples / @evilmcg (mentioned)

ask my character questions | open & accepting

[helldustedstories]

As mentioned earlier, the anon I got, while offering "critique" of the way I write Stolas, also veered into victim-blaming territory, saying that he's 'abusive and a cheater and he ruined his family.' Most of it will be under the cut, as this got very long.

So first of all, if you don't like Stolas as a character, that's fine; that's your prerogative, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but what are you doing on my page? As I'm sure you've noticed if you've been around my blog any time at all, Stolas is my main muse here. He's very important to me as a character, and as part of my fave ship, so YEAH, there's gonna be a lot of Stolas on my blog. And if that's something that bothers you...., the unfollow / block button is right there. I very much encourage you to use it to curate your own experience.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's take this "critique" apart piece-by-piece, shall we? The thesis statement with which I was presented was, to paraphrase, that Stolas is abusive, a cheater, and that he ruined his family. Since the anon seemed focused on the fact that Stolas “is a cheater who ruined his family,” that is also the lens through which I will be basing my analysis.

Starting off with my favourite: Stolas is abusive. I'm honestly not sure we've been watching the same show, if you think that. I cannot think of a single instance in the course of the fifteen episodes we currently have where he raised a hand to someone else. Yes, he raised his voice a couple of times, in response to an argument, where both parties were heated. Is that abuse? No, because it was an argument, with emotions running high on either side. People in all kinds of relationships have arguments, which are not inherently abusive. However, we cannot ignore the history that has been presented to us in the show itself, as the text we’re examining. While victims of abuse are not exempt from becoming abusers themselves, in the case of Stolas, this is not what happened.

Let's look at the definition of verbal abuse, pulled from the wiki: "Verbal abuse can include the act of harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, or excessive yelling towards an individual. It can also include the use of derogatory terms, the delivery of statements intended to frighten, humiliate, denigrate, or belittle a person” (“Verbal Abuse.” Wikipedia, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_abuse. Accessed 12 May 2024).

While Stolas makes a snide remark to Stella, "How was I supposed to know you could spell? I've never seen you read!" that is not abuse. That is a one-off statement meant to get a rise out of her. However, something that does qualify as verbal abuse? The way that Stella talks to and about Stolas. "It's no picnic being married to a boring stiff like Stolas," "Stolas is terrible in bed! I swear to fuck, he just lays there staring at the wall, and I have to do everything! It's embarrassing! I'm glad one egg fell out of me so I could stop pretending to want to fuck his scrawny twig ass," "what a pathetic fucking man" are all examples of Stella harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, using excessive yelling, and derogatory terms intended to humiliate or belittle Stolas in the span of a single episode. Not only in the span of a single episode, but within the span of a single day within that episode (“Helluva Boss/The Circus.” Season 2, episode 1).

We can infer from this, and from the other times we have seen similar situations (which also included threats of physical violence, with Stella throwing Stolas' plants, items she knows he cares about and treats well, specifically to terrorize him), that this is a regular occurrence between them. Stolas doesn't usually speak up or say anything, let alone yell back. One of the few times he says anything in response to her shouting is in the second episode of the first season: Loo Loo Land. But even then, Stella is shouting, and Stolas is replying to her as calmly as he can, his voice much quieter than hers, even in the context of what can be heard as a character in the show, not only for the audience’s perspective.

An important thing to note, as well: while the instance with Stolas responding to Stella’s verbal abuse in Loo Loo Land takes place in an earlier episode, it takes place later within the chronology of the show, as almost all of the scenes in The Circus appear as a flashback. This is an important distinction because The Circus establishes a pattern of behaviour that is continued and escalated in Loo Loo Land. It is understandable for a spouse to be upset that they’d been cheated on, but the level of the reaction, the fact that it is ongoing mistreatment, makes it unacceptable.

There are many different types of abuse, and Stolas does not display any of them. He actively works to dismantle the cycle of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse he has gone through. While he does make mistakes, he tries to be as supportive of his daughter as possible, showing interest in the things she likes even if he doesn’t always understand. He shows physical affection, makes sure she knows that he loves her, that he’s going to be there for her, both when she���s a child, and later when they go to Loo Loo Land. It had been his insistence that they go to the park, but the moment he realized that Octavia wasn’t having fun, they had a heartfelt talk that was emotional, but also an actual conversation as opposed to one party hurling insults at the other.

I would go so far as to say that Stolas displays both freeze and fawn responses to these situations with Stella. We hear her say that “Stolas is terrible in bed! I swear to fuck, he just lays there staring at the wall, and I have to do everything!” which is a classic sign of dissociation, and can also be attributed to the freeze response to trauma. While both Stolas and Stella were put in a situation that they did not want to be in, the fact that Stella went through with sex while Stolas was actively dissociating makes that assault. Not only that, but she continues to laugh and joke about what happened with her friends, knowing that Stolas is within earshot of her; she deliberately uses her words to hurt him, to bring up his trauma, to belittle him. Stella is very good at choosing some of the most hurtful words she could because it’s meant to show that Stolas is unsatisfactory as a man because he cannot please her in bed, and she ‘had to do all the work.’

Let’s reverse the roles for a moment, shall we? A man says that his wife just lies there while he has to do all the work during sex, he ignores that she’s dissociating and continues regardless of her feelings. Cut and dry assault, right? But because the victim in this case is a man, it’s not seen as abuse, which is hypocritical and dangerous.

While I could continue at length about this single point, let’s move on. We’re going to be tackling both “Stolas is a cheater” and “he ruined his family” at the same time, because I think they’re very much tied to one another. Yes, he had an affair while he was married. On the surface, he is absolutely a cheater, an adulterer, whatever you want to call him. Not even he would deny that. However, this is something that also has a lot more nuance than just the surface level viewing.

Stolas is a gay man who has been trapped in a heterosexual marriage for almost twenty years. He himself states that he “tried so many years to make it comfortable for us; to have this family, but it was never enough” (HB, S2E01). And while we don’t fully know what that entailed, considering the way that Stella reacted to his infidelity with Blitz, it can be inferred that that was the first time he’d strayed. He chose to stay in a loveless marriage, with a spouse who continually insulted and belittled him, destroyed his property, and was physically abusive, all to attempt to give their daughter some semblance of a normal childhood. Stolas insulated Octavia from much of her mother’s cruelty, but it escalated to the point that he could not keep all of it from her any longer.

It’s also clear through Stella’s dialogue that it’s not necessarily the infidelity that bothers her; it’s the fact that Stolas chose to sleep with an imp, someone who is seen as lesser in Hell’s hierarchy. Every time she brings up his affair, it’s in conjunction with the fact that his affair partner is an imp, not that he betrayed her, or that she’s hurt by his actions. Stella says that she likes tormenting Stolas, that the reason she stays around the house even though she takes Via away on weekends is to remind him of what he did, specifically to try to make him feel guilty for his actions. She cares about how everything reflects on her, not how it might affect their daughter.

And Stolas is the first person to acknowledge that if he had genuinely hurt Stella, he would feel bad about that. But there was never anything between them; their marriage was arranged in order to add a ‘precautionary heir’ to the family, a duty that they fulfilled.  From their conversation before the Not Divorced party, it’s clear that they had at the very least discussed divorce previously, but it came down to how it would look yet again, rather than what would be best for either of them or Octavia. Which is made clear when Stella’s first response to Stolas’ insistence that they are getting The Divorce is “what would the rest of the Goetia family think?”

Her next response is even more telling: she tries to hit Stolas, to backhand him across the face. The only reason she doesn’t make contact is that Stolas stopped her, catching her hand before she could hit him. He was ready for that blow, knew that it was coming, which means that it was not the first time she had hit him. It had happened before, and he knew there was the possibility of it happening again, especially when he finally stood up for himself instead of freezing or fawning to try to keep the peace.

The affair changed the status quo in the family; Stolas made a choice for himself instead of trying to placate Stella and do what would cause the least amount of ripples. That choice exposed what was already broken and festering; it didn’t cause the broken marriage or family. The perfect image that they presented to the outside world never really existed, and it finally became impossible to hide when Stolas actually made a decision for his own wellbeing instead of basing all of his decisions on what would be best for Octavia.

It also cannot be understated that Stella hired an assassin to torture and kill Stolas, who is still the father of her child, because he embarrassed her. There were so many other options available to her, ways she could have gotten revenge on Stolas without killing him, but she went right to assassination and torture. Which would also negatively affect her daughter, especially if she ever found that her father had been killed on her mother’s orders.

The fact that all of this is ascribed to Stolas is nothing short of victim-blaming. When someone is blamed for their own abuse, it blurs the lines between fiction and reality because that is something that happens to real people all the time, myself included. It’s especially important in this case because Stolas is a male victim of domestic violence, who are already far less likely to come forward or to be believed even if they do. Especially if they are also queer.

In conclusion, I am going to continue to sympathize with Stolas. I am going to continue to analyze him through the lens of the trauma he’s been through, and I am going to keep examining and thoughtfully, respectfully exploring his thought process as he deals with the fact that he was a victim of abuse, as he gets away from that and begins to heal.

[canis-or-cannotis-lycaon]

TIMING: A Few weeks ago LOCATION: About the Town PARTIES: Alan @alan-duarte & Gael @lithium-argon-wo-l-f SUMMARY: Gael and Alan chance into each other at a bookstore and they explore what similarities they have that connect them. CONTENT WARNINGS: cheating mentions, drugs mentions

“I just … It never quite looks realistic enough. You have no idea how much supplies I have thrown away out of sheer disappointment,” the clerk didn’t seem to know a whole lot about modelism and Alan was submerged with regrets while the other attempted to come up with a solution Alan already had tried. The answer, unsurprisingly, didn't come from that guy, but from a voice behind. “Anyway…” He didn’t like when people were so nosy they interrupted someone’s personal conversation. He frankly hated that. Turning toward the intruder, the realtor frowned, and the more he thought about it, the more his eyebrows furrowed. That could work, actually. 

“That’s… smart,” a bit more technical than what he was used to coming up with, quite frankly. “Are you also into dioramas and model making ?”  ______________ Why were all these books derivative? Gael was looking for a hobby, not a lullaby, which was all most of these books had to offer him. He rolled his eyes, already having wasted too much time in one area when he could be anywhere else actually reading and just picked one up - it seemed to be about crocheting, of all things. Whatever, maybe he could donate it to the school library. He made his way to wherever the line was and as he approached, he found a man in an active, if one-sided discussion with the beleaguered clerk, though Gael’s unusual hearing could pick up the conversation before he saw them. From what he gathered, there was an attempt to make a simulated fire for a… model or something, he was just guessing and he had half a mind to leave himself out of it but he felt for the clueless employee and he gave a noncommittal shrug, speaking loudly enough to make himself heard behind the duo. “I, uh… recommend a silicon bi-pin lamp with a dominant wavelength of 605nm,” He suggested, leaning slightly and keeping his dark eyes on the back of the stranger who at first seemed to shrug him off before acknowledging what he said. Gael straightened back up as the man turned and asked him about the subject material - so he was right. “I hadn’t really thought about it before,” He admitted casually. “I constructed a model RBMK-1000 Reactor for a presentation on Chernobyl once but I don’t know if that would qualify.” ______________

“Oh you just came up with a solution on the spot then,” there wouldn’t be any awards held for being incredibly responsive, Alan hoped the other was aware of that. His gratitude and respect were, however, worth more than an Oscar. They were rare. “Haven’t meddled with electricity in a bit, though I suppose I’ll have to bring the soldering iron out of the closet again,” the clerk was standing right next to them, and Alan could tell from the held up, weak index , that he was wishing he could vanish or be just anywhere else. “I think I’m good, thank you so much,” for nothing. With a warm smile, he watched the younger man walk off. The werewolf wondered what this guy specialized in, before deciding he didn’t really care. Some people just were useless from start to finish.

“So you do know a thing or two about model making,” this man, however, seemed to know things. That was a lot more valuable. “It wouldn’t be my first pick, but you know, to each their own, right?” A nuclear reactor really wasn’t his idea of a good subject, but the same could have been said about the many planes he had sitting on shelves in his basement. He started out with those, but they were now all in cardboard boxes, getting forgotten. “You said a lamp with… That wavelength, is it a color thing, or …” High school was far away, but he remembered a thing or two from his physics classes. You had to be good at it to be in the air force, although mechanical sciences were more deeply anchored than optical ones. “I’ll need it to flicker. Maybe a transistor could do the job, what do you think?” A pause. “I don’t want to hoard your time, of course. If you have better things to do…” He trailed off. “Yeah, I really don’t want to hold your leg man, you’ve already done your good deed,” he smiled, yet something about his eyes seemed to carry hope and was silently begging him to have no life outside of helping him out.  ______________ The stranger was blunt in his response and opinionated to boot but he hadn’t dismissed Gael yet so the latter figured he must’ve done something right. Or at least not wrong. “A transistor might work but I think you’d be better with, like, a diode to give it that flicker effect,” He replied, setting the book down and placing his hands in his pockets and keeping his gaze on the model-maker. He quirked an eyebrow as the other man seemed to give him an impression of wanting to continue this conversation - either that or Gael had gotten worse at reading people. Either way, he got some hint (though whether or not it was the right one was to be determined) and he gave another small half-shrug. “I literally have nothing better to do,” He removed a hand and gestured to the crochet book he picked up out of boredom. “Gael, by the way,” That same hand reached out in an initiation for a handshake from the stranger.  ______________ “Mmm, maybe,” crossing his arms over his chest, Alan reflected on his options. There wasn’t much he could do now other than try it out now. His gaze went toward the book in the other man’s hands. Crocheting. Not the most common hobby, but who was he to judge? “Crocheting and electronics isn’t a combo you often see,” he commented with a light smile. Holding out his hand to shake, Alan introduced himself as well. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Alan.” 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around before,” not that he knew everyone, but having been born here, raised here, and having lived here most of his life gave him the sizable advantage when it came to knowing folks : 6 degrees of separation and whatnot. “Anyhow, I’m… have you played Dark Souls?” He paused, “I’m doing the campfire, hence the need for a flickering fire,” he explained. “I haven’t played in ages, I probably couldn’t beat the first boss these days,” he scoffed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Anyhow, you wanna help me find that diode ? That clerk seemed a bit lost…”  ______________ Alan. Gael wondered as he ran the name through in his head a few times if he knew who this guy was in passing but ultimately concluded that he most likely hadn’t, at least not consciously. “Oh yeah, I moved here a few months ago at the start of the semester,” He explained, putting his hand back in his pocket. There was a pause as the model-maker named Alan asked him about Dark Souls and he had to rack his brain for a moment. “I have not played Dark Souls,” He admitted. “BUT I can help you find that diode; that shouldn’t be a problem.” Regardless of the reason, he wasn’t one to turn down a challenge. “You haven’t, like, checked online for it, though, right? There’s a lot of kits that might have what you’re looking for without the hassle of running around trying to find it.” He suggested.  ______________ “Semester?” Only two categories of people spoke in semesters: professors and students. If people could go back to college at any moment of their life, he doubted this guy was a student. “You teach at the University? I did a conference there last semester,” a pause. “For the business students. I’m a local business owner,” Alan scratched a spot behind his ear absent-mindedly, feigning humility. He had none, but that was apparently unbecoming. 

“Aw, you’re missing out. It’s hard, I’m not gonna lie, but…” He trailed off. He used to play those games with his first husband, though Rafael was always a lot better at them than Alan ever was.

“You’re in electronics? Engineering?” He tried to guess, as he tagged along down the aisle. “I suppose so. I’m not huge on Amazon, but there’s also the hardware store if…” He trailed off. “Yeah, Whitlocks might have it. It’s a 5 minute walk though,” he pursed his lips. “I can offer payment in drinks at the bar, or guided tours of the town,” both would be an introvert’s nightmare, he supposed, but there was a chance the guy was sociable enough if he had the nerve to interrupt a conversation to offer help.  ______________ “Oh, yeah. I teach chemistry.” Gael replied, keeping his gaze on Alan with a sense of curiosity in his tired, yet energetic eyes. He put a pin in the part where the other man said that he owned a business; he was sure to mention it later. “And I do suppose there’s no better teacher of business than someone who owns one,” he added. He paused, noting that Alan trailed off and he wondered if the latter had some memory that kept him from finishing what apparently made Dark Souls so great because if they were going off that brief explanation, Gael wasn’t really sold on “you’re missing out, this game is hard”. As far as he was concerned though, it was small talk that sprung from the model thing so he didn’t think too much about it. “I’ll pass on the game and take your word for it but I certainly won’t say no to a drink,” He agreed. “I’m guessing you’re from around here if you’re willing to offer a tour in exchange for a diode.” ______________ A chemistry teacher at UMWC named Gael. Monty’s words echoed in Alan’s memory then. It couldn’t possibly have been anyone else but this guy. He had promised he’d be discreet about it, and Alan liked to think that he was good with people, when he wanted to be. “Pardon me, but I think I might have heard of you through a common friend,” he pointed out. He lowered his voice. “The man from the farm?” It wasn’t the most comfortable conversation to have. Alan had been through this too, and he didn’t like it then. He sure didn’t like it now. 

“I’m from around here, yeah,” he nodded along, motioning the other to tag along. “My family has been in the region for three generations already, so I suppose you can say I know the area like the back of my hand,” mostly the real estate market, mostly the woods. He avoided certain areas religiously. Yeah, you could say he knew the town well. “Since you won’t say no, I’ll take this as a yes.” ______________ Alan motioned for Gael to follow so he did, but not before his brain seemed to bounce the words the other man had said around in his head longer than he’d have liked. Common friend, ‘man from the farm’? His mind put two and two together rather quickly; this must’ve been the aforementioned princesa that Monty told him about, the snooty friend who Monty spoke fondly of! His mind buzzed with questions but he didn’t want to make it seem like he wasn’t listening to the rest of what Alan had said. So, he instead brought up the second part of the new conversation first. “Three generations?” Gael repeated. “So you’re part of the old blood of the town.” He wondered why he’d never heard the name before but then again, he didn’t know Alan’s last name so for all he knew he might’ve, just in passing. “That means you have insider knowledge on where to get the best coffee and you won’t take me somewhere soul-crushingly disappointing.” He laughed as the duo walked though it didn’t last long and it tapered into Gael turning his head to look curiously, if a little mournfully, at Alan. “You’re… the one Monty told me about, aren’t you?” It was Gael’s turn to lower his voice. “The uh… the other one who sleepwalks.” The professor knew that sleepwalking wasn’t a new concept but he hadn’t had anyone to talk to about it before aside from Monty, and even then, he couldn’t help but get the idea that Monty had something possibly even worse than him. Possibly. His wasn’t–  ______________

“Oh, I suppose you could say that,” there were a lot of families who had been here longer, but the Duartes could pride themselves on being true locals, if that was even something to be proud of. They should have prided themselves on having no one in the family disappear mysteriously, after living in this town for a whole century now. Alan would have been the first to fall this way, he realized. Somehow, he survived. Perhaps he shouldn’t have. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to. “Oh you bet, I won’t be taking you to Starbucks, that’s for sure,” he assured him with a pat on his back. 

“Well, yes,” he set his hand back in his pocket, offering the other a slight smile at the mention of sleepwalking. Yeah, he had once thought about that too. It made a lot more sense than oh, maybe I turn into a wolf at night and wander off into the forest to meet my people. “I’ve been sleepwalking for about ten years now,” his smile grew, and his expression changed. There was no need to get sappy about this. Alan knew, however, that the wolf attack needed to be mentioned. “It started after I got into the woods, one evening. I was heading back home, figured it would be shorter…” He trailed off. This was, all things considered, quite the intimate thing to share, but maybe it would make things easier in the long term. And maybe he’d make friends with another member of his species too? It had been a while, and he missed having someone around who could properly relate. “Anyhow, I couldn’t see much of a thing, but a wolf attacked me that night,” he paused. “Call it trauma, or… I don’t know,” lycanthropy, “but I’ve had those sleepwalking issues ever since…” ______________ Gael listened intently, keeping his eyes on the businessman as the latter spoke about his experience. He found himself comparing what Alan was saying to his own memories or lack thereof… the night, the woods, the attack, the hospital. The way the other man spoke made it seem like– well, he had been dealing with it for ten years so surely he had a much better grasp on what it was, right? A wolf attacked Alan, but Gael couldn’t remember what had happened to him; he just assumed he was mauled by a bear that night in the woods - the scar that screwed up some of the nerves in his lower back was certainly big enough to feel like a bear. “That’s… interesting,” Gael said slowly, keeping his voice from becoming mournful as Alan didn’t speak of it as something he was still… well, not struggling but it was something he was dealing with. He had a few questions he wanted to ask, suddenly feeling as though maybe he didn’t sound quite so ridiculous to someone who had similar sleepwalking issues and Alan was surely a master of coping mechanisms by now, right? He didn’t seem so alone, and yet… The thoughts got mixed up in the chemist’s head and he frowned to himself for a moment. “Ten years?” He repeated softly. “Have you ever, I don’t know, gone to see someone about it?” He hastily added “Not that there’s anything wrong with– I mean that–” He stuttered and cleared his throat, suddenly gripped by some unfamiliar emotion. “Sorry, I didn’t think… I didn’t mean to be nosey,” He concluded awkwardly. “Uhm… Monty told me about you though,” Gael smothered the unfamiliar emotion with a grin; he wasn’t sure if this was what Alan wanted but then again, he also wasn’t sure if Alan wanted to discuss their shared condition. He wanted to ask about the blood, the bodies, the nightmares but he also didn’t want to turn their pleasant conversation into one of either discomfort or begrudging formalities. Or something. Maybe if Alan wanted to discuss it further, he could bring it up on his own terms, in his own time. But until then… “He speaks highly of you.” ______________

“Is it?” Alan’s eyebrows raised in inquiry. It was uncommon, for certain. People didn’t usually have surviving a wolf attack crossed out on their bucket list. He would have rather it never happened. His life was better when he didn’t know about all this, and yet… Would he have walked this road, met these people, if he hadn’t crossed paths with a werewolf? “Nah,” he shook his head. He had, once, but there wasn’t much the therapist could do other than try to rationalize what happened, and ask Alan all sorts of questions he wasn’t willing to tackle. 

Part of him wondered whether the therapist knew. Not once was PTSD mentioned as a cause for his blackouts, and that always seemed weird to him. He didn’t particularly want to find out if the guy knew though. He didn’t want to delve back into that part of his life. This was why he had been hesitant to help Gael out, when Monty asked him, but now that the man stood before him, Alan wondered how he could possibly do anything but that. Still, he didn’t care to elaborate about this, not now. 

Sticking his hands in his pockets, Alan’s eyebrows raised. He knew Monty had spoken to Gael about him, and he didn’t really mind it, considering the circumstances. “You’ve barely asked me any questions,” he pointed out. This much was not entirely true, but Alan figured that this was how he would get the other to ask all his questions. “C’mon, you must have questions that need answering, more important than whether I saw someone to cope with it,” he pointed out with a sympathetic smile. It was easier, pushing the attention away from oneself, in vulnerable times, but Alan was one to do that too, and he could easily spot it. 

“Monty? Of course he does, and I’ll speak highly of him too,” as it usually did at the mention of the zombie, his face lit up. “He’s a great man, and I doubt you’ll meet someone more selfless than him around town,” he affirmed. He hadn’t met everyone, but he’d stand by that statement either way.  ______________ “Yeah, he’s… there’s something about him for sure,” Gael agreed first, his expression softening as he remembered that morning. “He’s…” The man fell silent and simply caught the expression on Alan’s face - the latter, until recently, had this look that wasn’t stern but it was professional but when he brought up the cowboy, sure enough he could tell that the man was affectionate towards Monty. He was starting to wonder who wouldn’t be. Gael also wondered what questions Alan could’ve been referring to. “About… the sleepwalking,” He muttered, glancing down for a moment before his eyes regarded the businessman once more. “I think the questions I have aren’t… I don’t know, it’s–” What, hard to explain? If there was one person he could maybe explain it to, it would be Alan, another man who was found in the woods with nothing but a sleeping bag to protect his manhood. “I guess the biggest one I have is ‘how do I fix it’,” He surmised. “Though I suppose the biggest one should be ‘what’s wrong with me’.” His eyes danced on nothing in particular, as though he were reading something but it was in his head. “But that’s… I don’t know, sometimes people just sleepwalk.” He shrugged. “I got mauled by a bear one night; I remember NONE of it but I assume it just jostled something in my brain.” He glanced down again. “I’m sure I’m just overreacting. I’ve been known to do that,” Gael cast his gaze back to Alan. “You ever think that? That maybe it’s really not a big deal but something in your mind makes you think it might be?” ______________

“How do you fix it?” Yeah, that was precisely why he didn’t want to do this in the first place. He had been there, in denial, trying to figure out what was making him wake up far from his bed, exhausted and lost, wishing it to fucking stop. “You need to learn to control it, those moments where your mind slips,” he eyed him. It was all Alan could do about this : help Gael control it. This was perhaps how he’d make him aware of what he was. What’s wrong with me was a trickier question, somehow. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t be a lie to some extent. “Same thing that’s wrong with me. We got attacked by a wild animal and it changed us,” that wasn’t really the full truth, but it was all he could do right then. 

“A bear heh?” That didn’t track. It didn’t track with what Monty told him. “You remember being attacked by a bear though, I assume?” Another day, he would have to show him his scar, and perhaps that would help Gael with coming to terms with it all, but that wouldn’t be today. Alan was unable to do that today. He wasn’t sure he would be able to do that at all, and just thinking about it made his expression tarnish.

“I think it’s as big a deal as you want it to be, like everything,” you could care or choose not to give a shit, but the reality would catch up on you and bite you in the ass. “I think you should deal with it sooner than later. You don’t want someone catching you wandering around like that, huh? Not everyone’s going to react like Monty,” no, someone would try to put a bullet in him. “If you want, I can help you with that, but it’s not going to be easy,” a tiny part of him hoped he would refuse, but the guy seemed like a good man, and with werewolves being a rarity, Alan could have used someone extra to share his struggles with.  ______________ Gael paused for a long moment, listening intently to everything Alan was saying though the more he spoke, the more something started to knot up in his throat, making it hard to swallow, literally. He didn’t remember being attacked by a bear - how could he? People told him it was a dog but he wasn’t about to consider that it was a dog. What had to have happened is that the way he and Alan were attacked just… created some neurological damage to them. Short-circuiting in their brain, a psychotic defect that caused them to sleepwalk and kill things in that state. Animals, right? Just animals. He thought he liked it better before this topic of conversation came up. Control it. Control what, the parts where he falls asleep, has terrible nightmares where he prowls through the woods as some… demon, then wakes up God-knew-where, in pain, with no idea where he was. “Those are just dreams,” Gael muttered to himself. Maybe they weren’t as alike as they thought, which was fine but the thought that whatever was happening was something that he could change, something that affected him so deeply, it writhed around inside him like snakes. And then there was the part about someone else finding him and Gael realized that… Monty was the only one who had so far. Every other time this defect flared up, he’d woken up lost, hurt, as though he got pulled apart and put back together but he had also been alone. There HADN’T been a Monty or someone else. The professor, uncharacteristically, remained silent during most of this and he pulled his arms close to his stomach, folding them over each other in thought as his brow knitted. Alan offered to help but he found the connection between the help and what it was for nonexistent. “I wouldn’t want to impose,” was what Gael said first, now avoiding eye contact with the other man. “And it– it sounds like how to fix it is that I check myself into a mental ward.” He added before he could stop himself. “Alan, the way you’re talking makes it seem like we’re… I don’t know, werewolves or something.” He scoffed though he said the word itself almost completely silently. “I can’t tell you how to think or what to feel but this sounds like an issue I need medication for.” He clenched his jaw for a moment before glancing back up at Alan, his expression softening. “Sorry, I’m– sorry. I didn’t mean to… I appreciate the offer for help but…” He faltered. ______________

Alan fell silent. He didn’t really have that sort of patience in him, the sort that would allow him to just smile, shake his head gently and explain once again what he meant. He was terrible at this. Talking people into buying or selling was effortless, but things that directly concerned him? Heh. Pass. 

The realtor looked away, hands in his pockets. His gaze fell to the floor. “Just dreams, yeah.” He scoffed. This was fucked up. 

How was he supposed to let this guy know that he was never going to have a normal life ever again, that he’d never be normal? How was he supposed to tell someone that they’d been bit by a supernatural creature, and that they were now one too. 

He’d been through this before, all by himself, and he remembered just how unpleasant it had all been. Alan would force himself to shift until he could begin to control it, even if that meant forcing his bones to grow and shrink, his guts to shift in his stomach in a matter of seconds. At the same time, because he worried himself to death, wondering if one day he’d not accidentally end up mauling his husband, he’d grown further and further away from him. He’d disappear around full moons on business trips, reappear a few days later, feeling tired, filled with guilt, one that Rafael, all too human, could only associate with the worst kind of treason. 

Alan felt like crying. Though he tried not to let it show, and fought the urge to let it pour down, his lip quivered, and as he nibbled on it, he had no other choice but to look away. It was a damn good thing Gael was too damn embarrassed to even look at him. “You’re right,” he snapped. “Maybe we’re both fucking mental,” if his words came from a place of hurt, it certainly didn’t make them fair. “I’m not a damn psychiatrist. I don’t know why Monty thought I’d be able to help you with that.” This was no longer about his failed marriage then, but this creeping feeling that had been steadily rotting inside of him : how much of him had died that night? Was he the same person as before or pretending, like a kid playing house ? He was a monster now, this, he knew for a fact. He could try and save face, claim that nature didn’t build monsters, that nature didn’t care for good or bad, he didn’t feel much like a good person. “But you think I’m batshit for suggesting you could learn to live with it. Maybe you’re right.”  ______________ The two were silent, Gael trying to find the right words to smoothly transition out of whatever was happening right now to more pleasant things - ‘how is that game?’ ‘what kind of coffee do you like?’ and ‘what do you do aside from make models’ were all questions that absently floated in his brain space. However, he wasn’t anticipating when Alan suddenly reacted the way he did. Almost immediately, surprise painted Gael’s face, shortly followed by a cocktail of emotions, mixing being taken aback, a measure of anxiety and more guilt than he wanted - he had a feeling that by saying what he said, he was risking implying that Alan was the same, even if Gael didn’t think they were. “N-no, that’s not what I meant,” Gael tried to explain, his tone shifting. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that– I just…” He sighed, his pride taking a backseat. “I’m sorry. Of course you’re not mental. You’ve been dealing with this a hell of a lot longer than I have and it was wrong of me to think or assume that…” He fell silent again before giving a tired shrug. “That I would know anything about anything.” He had to think about what the best course of action would be going forward - Gael had unintentionally created a minefield, he felt, and the last thing he wanted to do was ruin this potential connection with Alan or possibly even Monty for insinuating that he was wrong. “I… I don’t understand,” He said slowly, his eyes dancing on his hands that were clenching and unclenching in front of him, trying to work out the stress that suddenly accumulated inside him - a fight or flight response to the animal knowledge that he WOULD be left alone with whatever this was that Alan said. “But…” Lie. “I believe you.” Lie. “I’d like to take you on that offer for help.” He gulped. “I trust your insight.” His gaze rose and he looked at Alan, searching for that connection, the wires he unintentionally frayed in an attempt to gather them back up to salvage this. ______________ “Eleven years. I’ve been dealing with this bullshit, this fucking insane bullshit for eleven years,” he might have not been in his other form then, Alan’s eyes glimmered with a light, with a wrath akin to a dog’s. “But sure, go to the doctor, see what they have to say,” he fell quiet then. Rubbing at his face, if only to rid himself, to wash himself of his annoyance, Alan strode a few steps ahead of Gael. He wouldn’t have faulted him for walking the other way while he could. Most people didn’t particularly stand for this sort of behavior, and they were right not to. 

He walked past a bench. He turned around and went to sit there. Where was he even going, striding like that. “I wanted it to go away,” he knew the other could hear him. They had good ears, their kind. Even if he stood meters away now, of course he could hear him. “I thought it would go away, but it won’t go away,” though his words still were spoiled with angered notes, his shoulders no longer seemed so tense, and his eyes didn’t seem to be filled with thunder anymore. “You don’t believe me,” who knew? Maybe he did believe Alan. The wolf sighed, still he turned around to look Gael straight in the eye. “You will have to trust the process. It won’t be an immediate answer to your problems,” but perhaps he’d manage, and maybe through helping Gael how to get a hold of his other self, Alan would finally learn not to detest a whole side of him. ______________ Alan spoke and Gael’s gaze filled with sympathy, knitting in the middle. Eleven years. Gael hadn’t even reached one yet and he didn’t want to anymore but eleven years was sitting on the surface of his mind, simmering, taking its time to sink in and he wasn’t sure when or even if it would. Maybe they were different, maybe Alan really was a… werewolf or whatever but maybe Gael’s problem was something else…? When the other man stormed past him and went to sit on a bench, Gael turned and his gaze followed him though he himself didn’t move at first. Would it be better for him to just… leave? Leave Alan without having to entertain the chemist’s foolish notions anymore? Walk away, tell Monty that he made a mistake, that Alan wasn’t what he needed. Eleven years of sleepwalking, waking up alone, lost, wounded. Was that going to be Gael’s fate? What could Gael possibly do about this, about Alan, about anything? He should turn and walk off as Alan did, return the resentment and the bitterness. Maybe they couldn’t connect. And yet… ‘I wanted it to go away.’ More words in his head. ‘I thought it would go away.’ Alan spoke as though Gael was beside him and yet the other man remained where he was, able to hear him as though they were sitting across from each other at a table. ‘You will have to learn to trust the process’. He clenched one of his fists again, looking down at it. He noted earlier that when Alan spoke about the length of time that he’d suffered, there was this look in his eye, something that reminded Gael of himself. He exhaled and slowly, letting his shoulders droop slightly to make himself seem a little smaller, he made his way to Alan where he turned on the spot once before sitting down next to him, next to the man he didn’t know aside from the things that he felt other people didn’t know. A diode was two parts, sending the flow of energy in the same direction. “Okay.” Gael breathed, somehow knowing that at his lowest that Alan could probably hear him too. Just another side effect of the brain damage, he assumed. “Okay.” He repeated. “If you’re willing to help me then I’m with you.”  ______________ There was silence for a moment, and Alan figured Gael was going to do the only sensible thing then and leave his side. He’d tell Monty things didn’t work out, that perhaps Gael wasn’t ready yet. But the professor seemed like a genuinely good guy, and he felt bad, letting him leave without warning him about what could happen if he didn’t manage to get some sort of self control. He wasn’t sure what it was that convinced the other to trust him. Perhaps it was best not to know. 

He didn’t look at him, still he nodded. “I think it would be good for you,” a pause. “I think it might do me good too,” having someone like him to talk to would be nice, and it would give him a purpose a bit more noble than what he did for his job (not that he saw himself doing anything else). At last, he tilted his head toward Gael, and though he still bore the traces of his outburst of anger, Alan’s face seemed to have softened, and he uttered an apology he knew the other would be able to hear. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so bad at this,”  ______________ Alan chose to look at him again and Gael saw a new, if somewhat hidden, emotion under the latent anger that creased his features. While the aspect of it benefiting the chemist seemed to lighten part of the weight he felt on his shoulders nowadays, he wasn’t going to admit that the thought that it would help Alan made him much more accepting of the idea; he truly found it easier to do things for other people and as far as he was concerned, this was an issue that Alan had for much longer and it didn’t seem like he had anyone to really talk to these problems about. Then again, maybe the professor was just projecting. “You don’t need to apologize,” Gael assured just as quietly. “I shouldn’t have just… sprang any of this on you, especially when you were just out and about looking for a diode for your model.” He couldn’t help but give a half-laugh that came out as a scoff, as though highlighting the ridiculousness of how they got to be talking about what they were talking about. He cleared his throat. “But, uhm… I really appreciate your willingness to help.” ______________ “You’re still helping me out with that diode,” he gave the other a small smile, unlike his usual near-arrogant one. “No copping out,” with a scoff to match Gael’s, Alan gave the other werewolf a pat on the shoulder as he stood back up. “C’mon, let’s go get that drink, then we can figure out when to start working on that sleep walking nonsense,” he’d never been one for beating around the bush, he didn’t have the patience for that. In the end, all that mattered was that Gael agreed to get some help. Alan was both excited and anxious with the perspective of helping him find out what he was. It would be nice to have someone like him to be around, it would be devastating to see Gael lose his mind as he realized what his life would now be like now. Alan could only hope the latter would never come to be, but in the end, it was yet another aspect of life that he would have no grasp on. 

[cloudbells]

There's this one Stucky infidelity fic that I really like. I re-read it every so often as well because it's really well done. But I was thinking about how...I don't think I'd be as open to reading that same fic if it were Stony. There's just something about that kind of betrayal in my OTP that I can't forgive (and I had a hard enough time forgiving Bucky along with Steve in the fic I read). Like, for Stucky, it's a ship I like, but it's not my main, so I'm able to enjoy it for what it is, but for Stony, I'd be genuinely and wholeheartedly invested. And it would probably just tear me up inside.

[sunlightswallowed]

Important information re: Arianna's GOT/HOTD/ASOIAF verse: Arianna's only child was conceived via a love affair she had shortly before her marriage, with her betrothed's younger brother, Frederic Hightower. When the affair was discovered by Arianna's father and Lord Hightower, Frederic was sent to study as a maester, and Arianna was hastily married to her betrothed, the lord's eldest son, Trevor Hightower. When it was discovered that she was pregnant, she was isolated (quite ironically) in a high tower, away from the rest of the household, supposedly because her health was fragile.

When the child was born, Arianna was told by the midwife that it was a girl, and managed to get a momentary glimpse of her, before the baby was whisked away despite Arianna's protests. Arianna, as well as the rest of Westeros, were told that the child had been born early (She hadn't been, but since she was married after she became pregnant, the lie of the child being premature would save face), and that she had been stillborn. Arianna knows that her child wasn't stillborn, as she heard the baby cry and saw her move, but those around her --- Her father, father-in-law and husband --- were so insistent that Arianna gradually began to doubt herself and what she knew. At first, she tried to insist that she knew her child had been born alive, but Lord Hightower and Trevor told everyone that the grief of losing her child had addled her mind, and that her "fancies" were not to be indulged.

Since then, Arianna has remained mostly isolated in the Hightower family castle, rarely allowed to see anyone who wasn't family, with the excuse given being that Arianna was physically and mentally fragile. She's sometimes allowed to join in family dinners and public events where it would be unseemly for her not to appear, but she spends most of her time in her private chambers.

TLDR IMPORTANT NOTES: NO ONE knows about Arianna and Frederic's affair other than Arianna and Frederic themselves, Trevor, Lord Hightower, and Arianna's father (and maybe Otto, depending on how much you think Hobart trusts him). Everyone was told that baby Rapunzel was premature and stillborn, and Arianna's protests that she saw her alive were brushed aside as ""madness"", and that supposed mental illness was used as an excuse to keep her isolated.