#tw: kylo sleeps with another woman

[maybe-your-left]

what goes up must come down - chapter seven

Summary: “Who the fuck-”

“Surprise-Dude!”

“Mommy, why is Kylo naked?”

A link to my Mega Masterlist, Kylo Ren Masterlist, and my Random Ren Masterlist, and what goes up must come down Masterlist for all your stalking needs.

“Mommy,” Nyx parroted for the twelfth time in a row, “Are we there yet?”

“Jesus,” you rolled your eyes, not really looking as you merged on the packed New York highway. It was a mistake to drive to Manhattan, but flights were getting too expensive and you were just making a quick stop to see someone…

It was kind of a surprise…

On a drunken evening a few weeks ago, you and Kylo had facetimed, after sparsely texting since he left Montreal. He was drinking alone in his apartment in ‘celebration’ for some business deal he’s been working hard to close.

So, you called him and took shots over the phone even though you had to be awake the next morning with your child. But, it was wonderful, he was sweet and flirty and told you that he missed you.

But didn’t have time to fly out again, and then it turned out you had to come to Brooklyn for work. Giving you a reason to come down here with your daughter, to surprise him with a visit before dropping her off with Rose and Vic for a few days.

It wasn’t a great plan, you weren’t sure if he would be thrilled about it but he had never said no to the idea of you visiting… only fair since he saw where you lived. So, you strong-armed his secretary, Melanie, into giving you his address and pin code to access the penthouse.

Just a quick visit.

————

“Yes, Daddy! Fuck me with your huge c-“

“Nope,” Kylo grunted, stepping away from her in a disgusted huff. Running his non-sticky hand through his hair as he stormed to the bathroom, he couldn’t look at her. It was hard enough realizing he needed physical company, and even harder to settle for someone not you after you rebuffed his plan for another trip.

He leaned over his sink, palms flat on the black marble. A smear was left behind as he tried to take calming breaths, the door to his bathroom creaked open. Revealed Katie, the blonde girl from the coffee shop he had met months ago.

She was cute, flirted with him endlessly while she made his black coffee, and even kissed his mug which seemed unsanitary. But, he was desperate for human interaction after seeing you and Nyx at the falls and he thought it would make him feel better.

Well, this was the third time she’d been to his apartment since then and she was growing attached. And… kept calling him that.

Daddy.

“What’s wrong? I thought-“ she stared at him with sad eyes, completely naked save for her overdone eye makeup that he smeared.

Kylo said nothing, just began to wash his hands to get rid of any remnant of him touching her. It was tainting his skin the more he allowed it, a glance in the mirror made him cringe, she had sunk her artificial nails into his chest. Scratching the skin with marks from her overzealous declarations of love.

“Daddy, I,” she reached out to touch him.

“Stop fucking calling me that,” he snapped, hands slamming back down on the counter, “It’s disgusting.”

She stayed quiet, thank god, he pushed off and shouldered past her to his bedroom. Wrinkling his nose at the disarray of his sheets, pillows thrown around, her once tantalizing underwear strewn about.

Had he taken those off her? It’s almost like he blacked out once she came to his apartment, not even registering who she was, just desperate to claw for another human body. But there was evidence everywhere, from the glasses of wine that were smudged with lipstick to the Adidas bag in the corner…

“What's this?” he pointed at the bag, placed on the floor between the hallway and his bedroom. Innocently leaning on the wall, “Did you think you were spending the night?”

Katie came out of the bedroom, playing with the ends of her hair while she looked sheepishly at the floor. A nod, “I thought that-”

“You thought what?”

“Well-I’ve been here a few times…”

The doorbell rang, and Kylos head snapped to the left towards it. Followed by incessant knocking that shouldn’t be happening in the first place, his apartment was key-coded. No one but him and his ‘guests’ knew the combination to get out of the elevator.

He stormed over carelessly enough to not have the decency to pull-on pants, whoever was on the other side needed to see they were ruining his evening plans. Even though Katie ruined it already with that word…

“Who the fuck-”

“Surprise-Dude!”

“Mommy, why is Kylo naked?”

------

Okay, this is not at all how you envisioned tonight going.

In your mind, it played out like this… You and Nyx would knock on Kylos's door to be greeted by his grumpy fucking face. Fully clothed, and Nyx would jump in his arms, he would then usher you into his nice penthouse apartment. Maybe pour you a glass of wine, before insisting on you and her spending the night after a long day of driving.

You and he would sit with Nyx on the couch, cuddled into one another while she showed him her homework or something she drew just for him to hang up. Kylo would blush and thank her in his weird way, before helping you get her ready for bed.

Once the two of you said goodnight, you and he would be on each other like animals. Stripped bare, Kylo would kiss and bite every inch of your skin, until you were a trembling mess trying to not scream out and wake your daughter.

Then he would pin you to his king-size mattress, and make you beg for mercy while he hammered his cock into every single one of your holes.

But that isn’t how it was going… Instead, you were greeted by an angry Kylo.

Sans clothing, dick swinging free for any onlooker. Smeared with some girl's cum, who was now staring daggers at you while you sat at his kitchen island. Hugging Nyx to your side while you sipped on a glass of water.

The man himself emerged from his long, dark hallway with clothing on, finally. He set down a bag by the front door before turning to the three of you.

Kylo cleared his throat, “Um,” he briefly held eye contact with you before looking at the girl. “Katie, this is uh…”

You glared at him, turning towards her yourself since he was stuttering. “I’m Kylos...” you stalled too, looking down at your glass of water. Nyx shifted next to you, looking tired and confused about the whole situation.

Katie cleared her throat, “Well, I’m Katie, Kylos girlfriend.”

“No-no-no no-no,” he hurriedly shushed her, “No.” Kylo placed his hands on his hips, “That's never been discussed, and I think it’s time for you to leave…” You watched as he rushed to her, pushing her in a not so gentle way towards the front door while she whined.

Mumbling about her and him being together, which he continued shushing her. Taking out his wallet and speaking under his breath, “Here’s money for a cab, and given the conversation from earlier… I think it’s best if you delete my phone number.”

“But,” her voice quivered, while you fought back a smug grin by sipping your water.

“I’ll be blocking you after this, and letting the guards know you’re no longer welcome on the grounds. Good luck with school, it’s been…” Kylo glanced back at you, a small smirk on his own face before shaking her hand rather aggressively, “It’s been interesting.”

Kylo pushed her out his doorway without another thought, spinning on his heel and stopping at the sight of you and Nyx at his table.

You tapped your glass a few times, unsure of how the rest of the evening would go. “Look, I didn’t mean to ruin your evening…”

“You didn’t ruin anything.”

You shot him a look, not convinced, “I just wanted to stop by and say hi.”

“Why didn’t you call? I would’ve had food ready for you guys,” he walked over calmly, placing a palm on the counter before looking down at Nyx who was fighting hard to stay awake. “How long are you staying? We can have something sent up-or, I can take you guys to dinner?”

“Oh,” you shook your head, “No, Kylo, you don’t need to do that. We weren’t going to stay-“

He held a hand up, “That’s ridiculous, you drove all day. Of course, you’re staying, I can have one of the guest rooms made for Nyx. I’ll have them do that while we are out to eat,” Kylo paced away from you. Grabbing his phone from the kitchen and scrolling through his contacts. You got off your chair in a hurry, walking to him, “Kylo, it’s late, Nyx is tired and we have a hotel to check into.”

“Cancel it,” he shrugged, not looking up from his texting. Typing and typing away while you poked at his chest, there was no way. You just came to say hi. If it weren’t for his guest, you would’ve been more inclined to stay longer but…

“There, I got us a table, do you have a dress or something? Are your bags in the car? I’ll send for them, do you want to shower before changing?”

“Changing?” you stammered, watching Kylo round the table to pick up Nyx. Who gladly let him, slinging her arms around his neck and yawning. “Kylo, she’s so tired and she can’t sit in a restaurant that requires a dress code…”

“She’ll be good,” he blinked, angling his face down to look at Nyx, “Right? You’ll be a good girl at dinner? If you get sleepy, I can carry you, okay?”

“Okay,” Nyx sighed, “I’ll be good.”

You were led back to a guest bathroom where Kylo had your things brought up so you could get ready. Promising to take a shower quickly and then be ready to go out, you were a little nervous…

A lot nervous.

This was a date, a date you were going on with your daughter and baby daddy. In the visits you’d had with him in the past, you’d never gone out for food. This was the first time for the both of you that didn’t require you cooking or preparing something, you made quick work of getting Nyx cleaned and ready. She whined a small amount, she was more interested in eating than anything else. You brushed her long hair back into a ponytail, being sure to pull out little curls to frame her face.

Putting her in a cute black turtleneck and a plum dress with some warm leggings, it was cold out in Manhattan. You’d only packed boots for her, but she didn’t seem to care. She sat on the floor of the bathroom on your phone while you dressed.

Trying your best to look high class, you didn’t pack for a gourmet dinner. You packed for a conference, doing your hair as quickly as you could, you slipped on a turtleneck dress.

Just as you were inspecting yourself, Kylo burst through the door. Hair waved across his face, freshly shaven judging by the smell of his aftershave, and in a black suit. He cringed at your choice, “What is that? You look like a sock puppet.”

“This is the nicest thing I brought!”

His nose wrinkled in disgust, glancing down at Nyx for a brief moment. “Her, I can excuse because she’s five, but this isn’t going to cut it. Come with me,” he rushed out of the bathroom.

Grabbing Nyx quickly before he disappeared forever in his dark hallways, Kylo led you to his closet. Humming to himself as he grabbed boxes from the top shelf.

“What are you now,” he glanced at your figure, “A seven?”

“Seven?”

“Well, I know you’re not a double zero,” he snorted, snatching down a black department store box. Opening the lid and ripping through the tissue, “This is fine.”

You barely caught the box, eying him suspiciously. “Do you just have an entire shelf dedicated to women’s clothing?”

Kylo fixed his collar, clearing his throat, “Actually, yes. When I used to entertain guests, I would give them a thank you for their services. It was easier to just have them in bulk than buying new things each time.”

“Guests?” you stretched the word, amused by his flushed cheeks.

“Yes, guests, now get changed, I don't want to be late.”

———

Kylo sat in the living room waiting, glancing at his watch. The dress he grabbed wasn’t complicated, but it was probably the most expensive one he had purchased years ago. Never having someone worth gifting it to, it was perfect for you.

Along with the earrings he grabbed from another bag, he even helped you change Nyx's since he had a pair of silver-studded stars that would be beautiful for her.

He had accepted that he was ready to spoil Nyx, even if she didn’t understand why he spent the money on her. She was going to receive whatever she wanted from her dad, no questions asked.

Kylo looked down the hallway at the sound of heels on the hardwood. Getting off the couch and grabbing Nyx's hand, tugging her gently since she was sleepy. Blinking hard and yawning, barely making a fuss about moving around and changing. It was better than a meltdown, but he was counting on that happening later.

Hopefully, not at the restaurant.

You emerged from the darkness, clasping the earrings before stopping in front of him. A coat and purse on your arm before you spun, Kylo was stunned. You looked… enchanting.

All wrapped up in a tight black dress, a split showing off your smooth, muscular legs. The heels were shining and polished, even the top was perfect. Snug over your cleavage, he could stare at it for days.

“Ahem,” you smirked, “My eyes are up here.”

Kylo blinked, “You look beautiful.”

You both froze at the compliment, he hadn’t meant to let that slip out. But the color that flooded your cheeks was enough to make it worth it, and the soft thank you before you moved to put on your coat.

He stopped you, “What is that?”

You were pulling on a godawful winter coat, puffy and red. There was no way, Kylo snatched it from you, despite your whines, “Wait no that’s mine!”

“You aren’t wearing this garbage over that dress,” he threw it on the table before emerging with a sashed black trench coat. “We aren’t going on a hike, we are going to dinner,” he tied it tightly around your waist.

“That was Columbia,” you mumbled, fighting with the buttons before Kylo smacked your hand away.

You nodded towards your baby, “What about Nyx?”

You and Kylo both looked down at her, curled into a pillow playing on your phone. Shrugging, “I doubt you have a children’s department store shelf?”

“No, but I’ll buy her one tomorrow. Let’s go, we will be late.”

“She doesn’t need a new one,” you stomped your foot, trailing after him as he shrugged on his own matching black coat and picked Nyx back up like she was a doll.

He grabbed your wrist, tugging you out the front door and soon you were shut in the elevator. Listening to the singing floors whizzing past you to the ground.

Following after him with your arms crossed in a huff, to a black Porsche that wasn’t at all kid-proofed. “Kylo,” you mused, smirking a little as he whipped open the side door and started moving the chair forward.

“Mhm?”

You looked between him and Nyx, “She’s five, Kylo. She still has to sit in a car seat.”

He snorted, pushing Nyx in any way while you closed in. Ready to snatch her out of there and move to your much safer car-

“Hey! Did you have someone steal that from me?” You pointed to the lavender and black seat that Nyx was strapped into before Kylo moved your seat back. Leaving her in the center to stare at the two of you.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he motioned for you to sit, “Do I need to buckle you in too?”

————

Porsche = Sports Car.

Sports Cars are supposed to be driven fast. With little to no regard for the rules and regulations of the road, especially in downtown Manhattan.

Bob and weave down the road with no signals, feel the wind in your face, and ruin whoever’s hair you’re with. The pure freedom it gives the driver, that’s why people own them!

But after a lecture when running a red light at a busy intersection, with a chorus of tears from Nyx before promptly passing out in her car seat. Kylo was resigned to driving the speed limit.

Who knew this car had a blinker?

“Watch out for people,” she mumbled, looking around like a deer on a busy highway at another stop. The streets were bustling with other people out for dinner and drinks, maybe he could coax her into having a glass of wine at dinner.

He hadn’t seen her drink since Niagara, and it never was at the table. Only when Nyx was away, but he wanted her to relax. Slipping his right palm to smooth over the skin of her exposed thigh, squeezing a few times before moving back to shift.

“It’s fine,” he bit his tongue, almost blurting out a nickname he hadn’t used in years. “Valet parking is just up here and then we will go inside.”

“These restaurants are really fancy,” she looked back at Nyx, Kylo glanced back too.

Her baby fat cheeks were still glimmering with tears from his stellar driving earlier, making his chest hurt. He had to fight off the urge to pull over and drag her into his chest, telling her he didn’t mean to, he just forgot.

“She’ll be fine,” he assured, pulling up to the valet stand outside their designation.

She swallowed loudly, unbuckling as he shifted into gear. Kylo moved without thinking, gripping her chin in his thumb and forefinger. Bringing her lips close enough to touch his own before whispering.

“Everything will be fine, we will have a nice dinner and then go put her to bed.”

She blinked slowly, trying to tug away but his grip wouldn’t let her. “Stop, you’re gonna ruin my makeup-“

He smirked a little, words tumbling out, “You don’t need it anyway, I told you that you looked beautiful.”

“Oh.”

Kylo brought her face closer, pressing his lips to her left cheek. Repeating it over her nose and to the right apple before pulling away, noticing a glassy haze over her eyes as he let go.

“Get her while I get the car checked in.”

———

You were embarrassed, to say the least.

Thinking he would kiss you when he hadn’t time and time again.

You thought it would happen when he visited you weeks ago, during your passionate reconnection. Or even in the few short glances that felt like you were the center of his world, but he always shook himself out of it. Or there was even a possibility of a stolen steamy kiss during your first encounter together, god knows the tension was ripe for the picking.

So when he pulled away after kissing so delicately to the tip of your nose, you felt like a fool.

A fool in l-

“Nope,” you muttered to yourself, tugging Nyx's hand as you stood next to Kylo at the front doors of the restaurant. Too fancy for a child to be there, but he insisted it would be fine.

He knew the owner, apparently.

After chatting with the hostess in his smooth and ever charming voice, you sensed he’d dropped it an octave to glaze over the fact he brought a child with him. Kylo extended his elbow, looking down at your hand and his arm.

“I’m fine,” you whispered, squeezing Nyxs in your left and moving to follow the host.

But Kylo caught you, snatching your upper arm and threading it through his much larger one. Holding onto your hand like it would slip away at any moment. His voice caught you by surprise in your ear, “Do you want me to carry her?”

You shook your head, “No, she will be fine. Maybe after dinner.”

The host led you to a secluded enough table, by a waterfall someone thought was genius enough to add to a luxury restaurant. Dimmed lights and smooth jazz playing over the murmuring of other guests.

While you walked you saw the level of celebrity there, making you feel even more out of place…

You could’ve sworn you saw Channing Tatum even!

Kylo pulled out yours and Nyx's chairs, grabbing coats and handing them to the hostess to be checked in. He motioned for your purse, and you quickly snatched out your phone.

“For her,” you looked guilty, the host even rolled her eyes. But Kylo allowed you to keep it, even though it was frowned upon.

“Okay baby,” you set Nyx between the two of you, which Kylo grumbled about. “Do you want some water? Or food?”

You glanced at the menu, eyes popping out at the names of the items. All in french!

“Kylo!” you hissed, “She can’t eat any of this! I can't even read it?”

He chuckled, motioning a waiter to the table before ordering and ignoring you, “We will have a bottle of Louis Latour Montrachet Grand Cru, along with the Tartare de boeuf, and Thon à la portugaise.”

“Very good, sir.”

Kylo closed the menu, meeting your confused gaze. A waved hand to brush you off, “I got the filet and some tuna, easiest things for her to snack on. There are even raisins.”

“I don’t like raisins, Kylo…” Nyx's voice whined louder than you wanted hers too.

He smirked a bit, reaching to pinch her cheek. “Be quiet, you’ll like them. Now, be a good girl and play on your mom's phone.”

“Okay, daddy.”

It just fell out of her mouth, you and Kylo both froze, waiting to see if she would say anything else. But she just moved along, like she didn’t say something to move both you and Kylo to tears.

You were trembling, ready to break down, “Kylo?”

He couldn’t look at you, still staring at Nyx with his hand in midair from her cheek. Her little fingers playing on the screen, you cleared your throat again.

“Ky-“

“Your wine sir,” the waiter appeared out of thin air, a second in tow with plates of mouth-watering food. He presented it to Kylo, he barely pulled away from Nyx to glance at the label.

Voice heartachingly small, “That’s fine.”

Popping loudly, pouring into two twin glasses. He smiled at you, “Your wine, miss.”

“Thank you.”

You sipped slowly, the wine was good. Buttery and a little sweet, mixing well with the foods he ordered. You took each small portion and cut it up so Nyx wouldn’t recognize it as something she didn’t like. You couldn't risk another d-word to fall from her mouth.

She chewed slowly, multiple times you had to ask her to be a lady and close her mouth. Which Kylo echoed when she almost spilled some on her dress, he skillfully caught it with a napkin when she spits out a raisin.

You were feeling relaxed the longer you were there, the wine was working. Making you forget your worries and just focus on Kylo and Nyx.

How it should’ve been from the beginning.

“I have to use the restroom,” you whispered.

Standing swiftly before he could protest, Kylo just nodded. You kissed Nyx on the top of the head, whispering for her to be good before stepping away.

Your heels clicked over the sounds of other couples enjoying their time together. Not at all having a crisis of morals and stubborn old grudges, what was wrong with you?

Why couldn’t you forgive him for all those years ago?

Why was the wound still raw?

Was seeing him with another woman bringing it all back? You both never spoke about being exclusive, it was really just sex… No reason to establish a relationship if you weren’t able to reconcile.

Or even kiss one another…

“Are you here with Kylo Ren?”

You turned towards the voice, light and airy, zeroing in on a small blonde woman seated at the bar. Drinking a martini in slow sips while eyeing you.

“Are you talking to me?” you pointed at your chest.

She cocked a brow, moving from her seat, “Yes, who else would I be? Are you here with Kylo Ren?”

You nodded slowly, who was this chick? Staring out at the table, you looked along with her. Seeing Kylo spoon feed Nyx some of his food, smiling and chuckling while he did.

“Yeah, I am, he's…” you paused, “An old friend.”

“Kylo doesn’t give designer dresses to old friends,” she squinted.

That sent your blood skyrocketing, how would she know? Was she one of his old flames? Maybe, she looked young, and mean. Just his type, “Who are you?”

She grinned, sipping more from her drink and moving closer.

“I was his favorite sugar baby,” she side-eyed the table before drinking, “For a long time.”

“Sugar baby, huh?” you clicked your tongue, ready to leave the conversation. She just kept eying you like competition, when you had a literal child with him.

Even though you would've guessed that was his choice of company, it still hurt to hear the confirmation.

“I see he’s into older women again,” she cocked a brow, “He’s really settled.”

“Look, lady-“

“What’s going on over here,” Kylos's voice boomed over the roar in your ears, “I thought you were going to the bathroom?”

His brows raised, looking at you confused, holding Nyx on his hip like a good husband and father. She had her arms slung over his neck, nuzzling into his warm skin.

“Hello, Kylo,” your rude guest cooed, scooting in uncomfortably close. Kylos's eyes snapped towards her, instantly souring his look to one of pure disgust and panic.

“Kaydel.”

“Yes,” she sang, “God you look so handsome tonight, I haven’t seen you in so long…”

You cleared your throat, Kylo immediately coming to your side. He leaned towards you, “How long has she kept you trapped?”

“Too long,” your voice was clipped, glaring at her as she swooned over your man.

“I was just saying hello, Kylo, nothing wrong with that.”

“What’s wrong is you’re here in the same restaurant as me and I believe you are court-ordered to be 100 feet away.”

She shrunk away at that, draining her martini before setting it on the counter. “Well, you weren’t over here until now. Plus, I’m not doing anything to hurt you.”

You moved towards Nyx, no longer jealous but afraid of this woman. She didn’t need to be near your daughter if Kylo had a restraining order against her. She spied your reaching hands, seeming to just register there was a child.

“Who’s this?”

Kylo hiked her in his arms, almost leaning her away from Kaydel in the process before snatching your hand to pull you closer. He looked down at you with concern, lacing his brow, “Are you alright, Angel?”

You shook your head, “It’s fine-can we go? She’s so tired and I’m tired.”

“Kylooo,” Kaydel sang again, “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

She held out her hand for you to shake like she was a duchess with her duke. You blinked a few times, just wanting to go the fuck home.

Kylos voice was strong and firm, holding Nyxs sleeping head away from Kaydel's gaze with his palm.

“If you must know, this is my daughter and her mother. And we will be leaving since they seem to let any manner of filth in this establishment.”

He grabbed your hand, yanking you away from the scene. Shoving the coat tickets into the hostess's hand, signing a check for the uneaten dinner. You helped him keep Nyx calm while you wrangled her little arms into the sleeves

Picking her up and holding her tight while she drifted off to sleep once more.

--------

ALMOST TO THE LOVE FRONT

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[quiteanabyss]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Can you share your most memorable holidays with Kylo, Charlie and Sackler? Thank you

How would Kylo or Charlie handle Christmas in isolation with just you. - Anon

Merry Christmas!  I hope you’re having as lovely a day as is possible in the current circumstances!

Thank you for this Ask.  After some thought, I combined it with another, which I hope is okay for the both of you.

This features HC’s of a socially distanced Christmas with Kylo, some sweet Charlie and Henry, and ... the “Touch” series holiday special.

TW: The second story has a reference to an age gap, and the third contains some smut (because Sackler).

Kylo - A very social(ly distanced) Christmas

This is your third Christmas with Kylo.

Your first was spent with your family.  It had still been early days in your relationship, but in spite of some worries, they had easily welcomed him into the fold.  (Your parents were probably just glad you were finally dating someone.)

Your second was spent with his family, after many months spent encouraging him to reach out and reconcile with them like you knew he wanted to, but would never admit.  You had begged, bargained and blackmailed your boss for the time off over the holidays, and travelled all the way to the States with him to witness a family reunion that was twenty years in the making.  It was worth it.

Your third Christmas is different.  Thanks to the pandemic, travel to the States is out of the question.  Even driving a couple of hours up the road to see your parents is forbidden, thanks to the government’s last-minute decision the weekend before Christmas.  So the two of you are spending Christmas alone together.

But between phone calls and Zoom calls with family and friends, you don’t actually manage to have a minute to yourselves until the evening, once “dinner with the family” (a very strange setup using both of your laptops) is done, and the pans and dishes have been washed or abandoned in the sink to soak until either of you can be bothered to deal with them.

Even though it’s just been the two of you in the apartment all day, the space has been filled with voices and laughter of friends and loved ones almost the entire time.  Only now that the calls are done do you actually have space to appreciate the silence that falls between you as you flop down on the couch next to him, and he throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close.

“Thank fuck that’s over,” he grumbles eventually, his deep voice breaking the stillness of the room.  “And to think you were worried today was going to be too quiet.  Jesus, I’m exhausted.”

He enjoyed it, really.  You know this.  He knows you know this.  But he’ll never admit it.  And that’s okay.  You love your grumpy man just as he is.

“Poor baby,” you murmur, causing him to glare at you.  “You’re probably much too tired for one more present.”

"What present?” he asks, in a would-be casual voice.  Trying to sound as disinterested as possible.

Smiling, you toy with the top button on your blouse.  That gets his attention.  “You’ll have to unwrap it to find out,” you say.  “But that’s probably too much for you seeing as you’ve had such a hard day.”

But it turns out he isn’t at all as exhausted as he’d claimed.

And he loves his final present.

Charlie - A family Christmas

Charlie was upfront about it right from the start.  He and Henry were a package deal.  Love me, love my son.

That’s why it took so long for things to really get going between the two of you.  He didn’t want to introduce you to Henry, only to have you fade out of his life a few months later when you inevitably got fed up of the tedious responsibility of, effectively, parenting another woman’s kid.

The age gap didn’t help, either.  You were at a stage in your life where you should be figuring out what you want to do with your life, partying with friends, without a care in the world.  Not settling down with someone who has already quite thoroughly fucked his life up, and has the baggage to prove it.

It took you a good six months to convince him that you understood all his worries and concerns, and you simply didn’t care.  There were heated discussions, tears from both of you, and a breakup that lasted all of a week ... until Charlie finally came to his senses and realized that he could trust you.

So it means a lot that you’re finally here.  Your first Christmas together with Charlie and Henry.

You and Charlie are exhausted.  Henry woke you up at the ungodly hour of half past four to open his presents, and is showing no sign of flagging.  Meanwhile, the two of you are on your third cup of coffee each, and it isn’t even time to have lunch yet.  But Henry is having a great time with his new toys, and Charlie’s arm is warm and reassuring around you as you both stand in the doorway to the living room, looking at the mess of wrapping paper with a mixture of despair and amusement.

Charlie leans in, nuzzles his nose against the side of your face, before kissing your cheek.  “You still sure about this?” he asks, gesturing at the chaos before you both.  “This is what it’s like.”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life,” you tell him.  There’s more you want to say, but at that moment Henry calls for both of you, demanding you come and help him begin assembling one of his new Lego sets.  

You’ll tell Charlie later, you decide, as you settle down on the floor and pull the instructions out of the box.  You’ll tell him how happy you are.  How lucky you feel to have been invited into their lives.  

He and Henry are a package deal, and you love them both.

Sackler - July in Christmas

“Why the fuck is the apartment so warm?” you demand, when you arrive home after your shift on Christmas Eve.  Some jackass in a ten grand coat told you that you ruined Christmas for his entire family because the product his wife wanted was out of stock, so you might be feeling a little bit Grinchy this evening.

Adam doesn’t have a straight answer for you.  He also insists that you stay out of the living room, so after your shower he makes you eat dinner in the bedroom.  It’s all very suspicious.

“I feel like I’m a prisoner,” you comment, after he accompanies you to the bathroom in case you look in the living room.  “I didn’t do it, officer, I swear!” you call through the door, while you pee.  Then you brush your teeth, remove your contacts, and run through your skincare routine.  If you take much longer than usual, it’s just because you’re being thorough.  Not because you’re trying to annoy him.

You emerge from the bathroom a good fifteen minutes later, to find him still standing there, looking pissed off.  You give him a shit-eating grin.  He grabs you, turns you around, and pushes you against the wall.  “You’re under arrest for taking too long in the bathroom,” he says, his breath hot in your ear as he grinds against you.  “Spread ‘em.”

You sleep very well that night.

Christmas morning dawns.  Outside it’s snowing, but inside your apartment it feels hotter than the summer your family went to Vegas.  You wake up from a very pleasant dream to find that it was not, in fact, a dream.  Adam’s face is buried between your legs, his nose nudging at your clit as his tongue works its way inside you.  You curl your fingers in his hair, and he hums in response, sending a pleasant shockwave of shivers through you, but he only looks up once you’ve cum for the third time.  “I need you to stay in here for, like, one more hour,” he says, by way of a greeting.

“Is that why you woke me up like this?” you ask, covering your face with your hands.  “To ensure my compliance?”

“It’ll be worth it, I promise,” he says, rolling off the bed, and stretching.  “You’re going to love it.”

“Ugh,” you say.  And then you roll over, and go back to sleep.

When you wake up again, it’s because Adam is basically sitting on top of you.  “It’s ready,” he says.  “You just need to put this on first.”  And he hands you -

“A bikini?” you say, bewildered, when you unroll the bundle he handed you.  “What the - why?”  Then, you notice that he’s wearing what are possibly the ugliest pair of floral swimming shorts you’ve ever seen in your life.  “Seriously Adam, what the fuck is going on?  It’s Christmas Day, it’s blizzarding outside, and you’re handing me swimwear?”

“Yeah,” he says, like it’s a no-brainer.  “Put it on.”

Grumbling, you crawl out of bed, and get dressed as requested.  It fits, but coverage is minimal, and you guess that’ s probably the point.  He stares at you with a huge grin on his face the entire time, like the massive perv he is.  And as soon as you’re ready, he drags you out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

Outside of the living room, he pauses and turns to you.  “I know we’re not doing gifts this year because we’re trying to save money,” he says.  Which is true.  This apartment is too small for the two of you.  You’ve both mentioned that it would be nice to move somewhere with a second bedroom, although neither of you have yet mentioned why you feel that way.  “And I know we’re both kind of like fuck Christmas.  But you’ve been working so hard these past few months.  And I thought ... you deserve a holiday.  So, I did a thing.”

Without further ado, he opens the door into your living room, and pushes you inside.

Your mouth falls open.  The room has been transformed.  The sofa has been pushed back against the wall and the armchairs and coffee table have completely disappeared.  In their place are a couple of sunloungers with beach towels on them, a little table between them covered in your favourite drinks and snacks, and even a couple of mini palm trees in pots.

But most incredible of all ... there’s a freaking paddling pool, which looks big enough for the both of you to fit in it.

You know he’s looking at you, waiting for your reaction.  But you don’t know what to think, or do, or say.  So you just stand there like a moron, staring at the scene, and opening and closing your mouth like a fish.

“Is it ok?” he asks, eventually.  “You aren’t mad that I fucked up our living room, are you?”

All you can do is shake your head.

“Do you like it?”

You nod.  And because you can’t say anything, you throw your arms around his middle.  Hopefully that’s enough of an answer, because it’s all you can manage right now.

How the fuck did you manage to get so lucky?  Adam gets it.  He just gets you.  He’s the first person who’s ever bothered to take the time to try to figure you out, so he’s the first person you’ve ever begun to open up to.  And this right here?  Is the most thoughtful, ridiculous, best gift you’ve ever been given.

Adam wraps his arms around you too, and squeezes you so tightly you can feel your ribs creaking.  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he says, and he begins to rock you gently as you start to cry big, fat, happy tears.  “You’re perfect, you know that?  And I really fucking love you.”

You’re not perfect.  Just like he’s not perfect, and this setup isn’t perfect.  (How the hell are you going to get all that water out of the pool when you’re done?)

But this moment is perfect.  

And god.  God.  You really fucking love him, too.

[victoriareyloficlists]

Single Parents

Updated 10 November 2021

Rest of the Masterlist.

A Beautiful Mess by MizuPhoenix (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben/Kylo is a new dad, left with a baby and note from a one night stand. Rey is his flighty loud neighbor, who always has way too many friends at her house and doesn't make things easy on his new lifestyle. They argue relentlessly, until one day an emergency calls for her help with the baby and spawns them into the path to something heated in a different way. ) Baby Fever by HerSistersKeeper (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single dad Ben Solo is fine staying single, even if he does find Rey, the teacher who lives a floor up from him and his son, attractive and charming. His toddler, Matt, has other ideas.) Baby Shark by Melusine11 (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo, kindergarten teacher extraordinaire can handle a lot. Fights over who is the leader in line for the day, crying over not getting the right color crayon they want, puke after gym time, but the one thing that consistently raises his blood pressure is one damnable song.) Bearers and Builders by AverageEpaulet (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, 10 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey needs a nanny for her daughter Hazel and Ben happens to be the just right for the job. TW: previous infant death.) Butter Crisp Sandwich by DarkMage13 (AO3 2021  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “Mr, I insist you join me for a tea party today, at precisely noon. My teddy will be there.” Ben glanced at the boring clock on the wall. Ten minutes until noon. He swallowed in fear. There was no escape.  Or: Ben Solo cannot say no to an adorable hazel-eyed little girl's request for tea.) Choreae Lucis by Shestoolazytologin (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo takes his daughter to her ballet classes and forgets his heart there.) chosen dreams by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single dad Ben Solo is struggling with a fussy baby that won't stop crying. Ben's new neighbor Rey hears the crying and knocks on the door to see if she can help.) Close Enough to Kiss by Somewhere_overthe_Reylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's daughter comes with her to take a final exam. Dr.Solo ends up being soft for babies.) Expanding The Family Tree by WaterlilyRose (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 9 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Life didn't turn out exactly the way Rey imagined but she never imagined she could be this happy. Ben and herself were a good team with their daughter and proved themselves to be good parents.So if it worked once... why not again?) Father Knows Best by American_Punk_1990 (AO3 2016  Rated M Complete, 20 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo is doing all he can to be the best single father that he can but he is in desperate need for a good baby sitter. Rey needs a new job and the absurdly tall, kind of goofy looking guy with the world's cutest baby seems to have a perfect solution.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 17 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: As a child, Rey is mesmerized by ballerina Leia and grows up to become one. Single dad Ben and his daughter Stella fall for Rey.) Goodnight Moon by LittleAndikin (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's 3 year old daughter Lily won't go to sleep without listening to the library's podcast reading of Goodnight Moon. When she's in the elevator with her father & a neighbour, she recognises Rey from her voice as the person who reads to her every night.) Halloween Wishes by danceinmystorm (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo tries his best to make sure that his daughter gets to trick or treat and get candy for Halloween. Just as the night feels like a bust, their next door neighbor invites them in for a fun surprise.) Have My Everything by MotherofScavengers (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After months of convincing, teacher Rey is at last dragged by her friends to a strip club and gets gifted with a lap dance. When she's alone and waiting, she finally meets the dancer: Usually shy Ben, the single father of her favourite student. ) Hot Cocoa and Cinnamon by ABeautifulBreakdown (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When a trip the the park leads to her child wandering off Rey is left in a state of panic. Distraught and over run with emotions she hunts down her little boy only to find him standing with a strange man who upon closer inspection doesn't actually seem so strange.) i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be, right in front of me by Lutrosis (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben’s the sweetheart nanny to Rey’s twin daughters. When her new boyfriend is frustrated that he’s lower on her list of priorities than her children, he dumps her. Rey texts Ben and comes home early to find her kids tucked in, and Ben, ready with ice cream.) I need a teacher by kyoloren (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single dad and photographer Ben Solo sets up to take photos of fashion model Rey at her place and accidentally stumbles upon her massive dildo collection. Rey, forever sexually unsatisfied, decides that maybe she should try the real thing…) I Was Lost (For You To Find) by LadyReylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 19 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “On Friday we received a visit from a man and his lawyer.” Mr Kenobi opened the folder on his desk. Rey instantly recognised it, her eyes widening, dread filling her. “What... what do you mean? What is going on?” She said, her tone firm. Whatever this was, if it involved her son, she needed to know the truth now. “His name is Benjamin Solo. And he claims his son was illegally put up for adoption eleven years ago without his consent.”) In Full Bloom by deedreamer (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When high school teacher Rey Kanata gets flowers with a cryptic message, she freaks out, thinking she's being hit on by one of her students. On a mission to find out who sent the flowers, she meets Ben Solo -- single dad and owner of the little florist down on Main Street. When the flowers turn out to be a delivery error, Rey knows her job's no longer at risk. But what she doesn't know is that she's about to fall head over heels for the man who keeps sending her flowers day after day because he's a goner for her, too...) In the Bleak Midwinter Came a Rey of Light by Reylo_of_light (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's luck had run out. No purse. No phone. And now her car had broken down and her toddler is crying. Lucky for her, her knight in a shining Tesla is about to pull up. Perhaps there are miracles at Christmas.) Island Holiday: A Reylo Christmas Story by Rey_KnightofRen (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Violinist Rey Niima is traveling to Hawai‘i to perform in her best friend Finn’s destination wedding the week before Christmas. She’s supposed to be playing a duet with cellist Ben Solo. Although Rey and Ben were rivals back in college, several years have passed since then and Rey discovers that Ben is now a VERY attractive and VERY eligible single dad. She starts to hope that her suitcase isn’t the only thing she’ll be bringing back with her from Hawai‘i…) Liam's Friend by Lady_of_Haven (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Neighbor Maz watches Rey’s son Liam while she works and goes to school. Maz pushes him in his pram at the park everyday at 12, which is when Ben walks his dog Kylo. Little Liam loves Kylo and Ben. One day, Rey is out with Liam at a coffee shop when he recognizes and reaches out for Ben.) Lizzy Solo by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Its bring your kids to work day and little Lizzy Solo meets Rey for the first time. "Are you the same Rey that my dad told Uncle Hux he was half in love with?") Locked Out by INTPSlytherin_reylove97 (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single mom Rey has never accepted help from her neighbor Ben. But when she gets locked out of her apartment with a crying toddler, Ben is there. And Ben wants to continue to be there for them.) Love is Strange by SpaceWaffleHouseTM (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Or the one where Rey lies and tells her coworkers she has a loving husband and a son. Now the annual picnic is coming up and she needs a fake picture-perfect family. Fortunately, her friend Ben fits all the requirements.) Love's Mystery by Hartmannclan (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, 14 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo only needs one lady in his life; his daughter, Hope. So he is surprised to find himself intrigued by the masked woman who just spilled a drink down the front of his costume. Maybe this year the company Valentine's day dance won't be so boring after all? And what happens when he has to leave suddenly.....) lunch thief by thisismelodrama (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 34 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey’s son steals Ben’s daughter’s lunch and chaos ensues.) maybe we're from the same star Chapter 4 by INTPSlytherin_reylove97 (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Living together was supposed to be easy. Another person to help with the kids, they already spent most of their free time together anyways.) My Dad Will Not Date Miss Palpatine (But Maybe He Can Marry Her) by AnneAnna (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Annie Solo is perfectly happy with her Dad and brother and the last thing she needs is her dad's high school sweetheart coming to town and ruining everything. But maybe just maybe Miss Palpatine will be far better than she expected.) Neighborly by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and her son move into a new apartment and meets her new neighbor Ben and his cute dog.) Now I'm In It by crystanagahori (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: So Rey might have accidentally told her boss that she was bringing her loving husband and sweet two year old son to the fundraiser. She does not, in fact, have either. She does, however, have her neighbor Ben and his two year old son Noah.) Off guard by TheReadingNook (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The last thing Rey is looking for is love. As a single mom, her plate is as full as she wants it to be, but her son seems to think otherwise. And when he sets out to fill that void, they learn some interesting things about life, love, and the bonds of family and friendship.) Our Karate Kids by Theyna_Shipper (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey drops in on her daughter's karate class for Halloween, she meets Ben Solo, another single parent, and watch their children spar.) Overboard by Biekewieke (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 10 Chapters, Overboard AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Organa-Skywalker is a rich snob who hires her to clean his party barge, making her life difficult and fouls her mood. After a freak accident throws him overboard and Rey ends up saving his life. When he wakes up, it turns out he has amnesia. Rey sees it as the ultimate answer to all her prayers. She gets to take his arrogant ass down a peg or two AND she has someone to help around the house and with the kids for a while.) Please be my Daddy! by erney007 (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Raising a child while having to do such demanding job is hard. Rey, an ICU nurse, accidentally finds out that her asshole neighbor, Ben Solo, is quite good at babysitting. After plaguing her child with Elsa obsession, Obiwan starting to call him “Papa”. And Ben kind of likes it.) Raincheck by Hormonal_Trashbag (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's 7 year old son tries to ask out his teacher Miss Rey on behalf of his father.) Rey's Braids by Magdalane (AO3 2021  Rated M Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's little girl falls in love with braided hairstyles. He watches video from the popular YouTube channel in which Rey teaches different braiding techniques. After weeks of failure, he DMs her on Instagram, desperate...) Say It With Feeling by amybeegood (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 18 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Meet Rey, the Maid/Escort who really needs a solid day job and Ben, the reclusive, virgin billionaire who doesn't have a clue about real life or how to hire household help.) Something About November Chapter 18 by SpaceWaffleHouseTM (AO3 2019  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Ben's adopted daughter finds a box of love letters he wrote and never sent, she decides she wants him happy for Christmas. With help from her Aunt Gwen, she sends her the letters.) Something Missing by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An angst-free AU where Ben takes his kid to work and loses track of him only to find him eating contraband candy with Rey from IT.) Take Me Out To The Ball Game by empirestrikesben (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is sitting with her daughter next to Prince Ben at a baseball game. Her daughter sneaks popcorn while her mom's distracted. The video goes viral and Queen Leia invites Rey and her daughter to the palace.) that's where you take me by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single dad Ben asks his daughters nanny Rey to live with them during quarantine so she can help take care of her while he works remote. Lots of domestic proximity and mutual pining ensues.) The Ties That Bind by Telcontarian (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Professor Ben Solo rules the classroom with an iron fist and he is not generally known for his kindness or for his understanding. However, when Rey approaches him to ask for help with her daughter, Kira, Rey finds that Ben is more gentle and caring than she originally thought.) To Play Pretend by SuchaPrettyPoison (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Single dad Ben Solo is tired of being hit on by some of the mums from his daughter's kindergarten class. He asks his friend Rey to come with him to pick up his daughter as his pretend fiancée.) To Say Good Night to You by dawninthemtn (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is living a lonely quarantine when he gets a FaceTime call from a random toddler. He makes friends with the child, and eventually, her mother.) Violet Solo Turns 5 by hellocienne (AO3 2021  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Little Violet Solo is Ben’s entire world. His daughter is the most precious person in his life, and he is adamant about doing anything it takes to keep his little girl smiling. Despite Violet’s obvious charm and charisma, not even one of her invited classmates went to her 5th birthday party, and she is about to get an intense meltdown that not even Ben—super dad extraordinaire—could keep under control. Enter Rey Niima—Ben’s coworker who he might or might not be in love with for the last three years. She’s Violet’s (other) favorite person in the whole wide world, and this woman will truly do anything for Ben’s precious little girl. Even if it means sending a group text to her friends who all live in different parts of the city, and inviting their children to attend a spontaneous birthday party.)

[blondeblackwidow]

surefire ( poe x original female character x kylo ren ) AO3

summary:  

He took a shower, shaved, and stared out over the stars that were befalling the Hosnian System. He prayed to whoever was listening that one day she would change her mind, but Poe Dameron stopped believing in miracles a long time ago. = Amicea is been a Queen since her 11th day. In a Galaxy full of turmoil, she struck a deal with the First Order to keep her people safe. The First Order has found hidden documents regarding the Royal Family of Adrora, and has their own motivations to marry their Commander Ren to the young Queen.

a/n: I’m picking this idea back up and I reworked it tons. I am so excited to bring yall my oc fic. It’ll go through the Sequel Trilogy with some timeline changes. First chapter is Poe’s POV, then Kylo, then my oc. Requests for x Reader fics are still open!

wc: 1,110

tw: none

“You’ve changed.” Poe said, standing at the other end of her chambers.

“You can’t be here.” Amicea turned away from him. “Kylo and his men will have you slaughtered.”

“They’re only here because you invited them.” He walked towards her. “Because your going to marry him.”

“It’s more complicated than that.” She sighed, silver hair blowing in the draft. “If I don’t, Adrora will be ripped apart, our people used as troopers, our culture destroyed.” 

“He’s trying to be Vader, a man who nearly lead our galaxy to destruction. How can you stand by and tell him you’ll marry him.” Poe reached out and grabbed her wrist. “You’re stronger than that. The Queen I know, the woman I fell in love with all those years ago, would never allow this to happen.”

“She’s dead.” She ripped her hand out of his. “That woman you knew is dead, I don’t think of love anymore, I only think of what’s best for my people.” She turned back toward her windows. “You should leave before they get back.” 

Poe moved for the door, and just before the handle, he paused. “I know she’s not. I still love you. When you wake up from this daze, you’ll know where to find me.”

=  Poe =

Poe tore through the New Republic hanger. He had met with Leia Organa a few weeks prior about joining the resistance and now, he felt like he had no reason to stay in the Hosnian System. He marched into the office he had met her in, and there she sat, pouring over documents.

“Poe Dameron, what a surprise.” She smiled. “What can I do for you?” 

“I want to join the resistance.” His chest pumped up and down, heaving from adrenaline and grief. 

“What happened to your contact on Adrora?” Leia’s brows furrowed.

“She’s chosen the Order.” He said, and leaned against the wall. And what he didn’t know would become the first of many times, Poe Dameron cried in front of Leia Organa. 

“I can get you off in the next rotation.” Leia didn’t say anything. She just watched as the strong, confident, and sometimes cocky leader of Rapier Squadron started to break. Poe pulled it together as best he could.

“Yes Ma’am, I’ll get packing.” He made his best effort to stand at attention. She waved her hand, and he made for the door.

“Poe?” He turned.

“Yes Ma’am?”

“No one is ever really gone.” She gave her best motherly smile, and in that moment, Poe wished his own mother was still here. He nodded his head and took off for his quarters, throwing what he had into bags and doing his best to make a little noise as possible. He took a shower, shaved, and stared out over the stars that were befalling the Hosnian System. He prayed to whoever was listening that one day she would change her mind, but Poe stopped believing in miracles a long time ago.

When the sun came, he had yet to sleep. He walked out and got on the next transport to D’Qar. Leia met him upon arrival and helped him find some empty quarters.

“Unpack then meet me at my office.” She smiled, and Poe got to work. He pulled out pressed uniform shirts, he didn’t know if the Resistance used the same uniforms as the New Republic but it wasn’t a far off bet. He hung his favorite leather jacket across the desk chair, and began unloaded his personal belongings. There was a photo of his mom, proudly sitting in her ship after the Battle of Endor, his father staring at her like she painted the moon and skies in the bottom corner. Another photo of him and his friends on Yavin hanging in the tree gifted to his mother by Luke Skywalker. And at the very bottom, it was a photo he took of her.

They had snuck away to Naboo, Amicea had always said she wanted more sun than Adrora would ever give her. So there she was, in a lightweight white gown, her silver hair taking on a gold tone in the sunset, braided out of her face. She was turned around, looking over her shoulder at him. The smile on her face was for him. 

It’s more complicated than that. Her voice rang in his head. It wasn’t to him. It was clear cut and simple. He just couldn’t understand how a woman who had been the personification of light in his life had chosen the dark. He shook his head and headed for the General’s office, photo still in the bottom of his bag.

“I read up on your contact on Adrora.” Leia gave him a pointed glance. “And I can’t find anything that connects her to the First Order.”

  “She’s marrying one of their Commanders.” He ran a hand over his face. It disgusted him to even say. “He goes by Kylo Ren, no one knows his real name.” He sighed. “He’s supposed to be the next Vader, or at least he’s trying to be.” He paused, glancing at his new General who had gone pale, and looked as if she stopped listening. “Do you know who he is, General?” He asked.

“A story for another day, Commander.” His chest swelled with pride at the fact he was allowed to keep his old title. “For now we need to get you an assignment. I need someone to lead both Red and Blue squadrons when they go out on missions. With this assignment, you can pick four pilots and a tech to be your speciality squadron for covert missions.” He nodded. “Do you have a naming suggestions?” 

“How about Black Squadron?” Poe smiled. It was an old joke with him and his dad, how every squadron had a vibrant color, but there was no black squadron in the old Rebellion.

“You are your father’s son.” Leia laughed, and it pulled him from his thoughts. “Kes and Han would always make jokes about the colors of flight squads.” Poe realized he hadn’t even told his father he left. Not like his dad would mind, but he thought he should at least update him

“Will that be all, General?” 

“That will be all.” She smiled. “Dismissed, Black Leader.” Poe left the office with a swell of pride, maybe he was finally doing the right thing. 

But then he passed the command center, where he saw a young lieutenant change Adrora from under the New Republic side of the hologram, to red with the First Order. 

And Poe felt the loss all over again.

[intergalacticwartimespace]

Scorpio Rising Chapter 2

Author: @intergalacticwartimespace  (somelikeithoth on a03!)

Title: Scorpio Rising

Pairings: Poe/Finn, Rey/Rose, minor Finn/Rose

Summary:  Poe has a panic attack after an unpleasant conversation with Finn triggers a wave of emotion he hadn't realized he hadn't been feeling. Afterward, General Leia asks Poe to lead a memorial service for those killed by the Dreadnought and on Crait. Leia can see Poe is struggling but she struggles herself how to connect with him when she and her son are partly responsible for his pain.

TW:  Panic Attacks, nightmares, memorial services/funerals.

A/N: I have a busy day tomorrow so I am posting chapter 2 early so that I don't forget. Ahhh more angst. I really need to write a fluffy fic for how angsty this is going to be. It's gonna get worse before it gets better, but I promise a happy ending. There is a nice dose of Damerey friendship solidarity. Enjoy & leave a comment if you have anything to say! I am looking for a beta for this fic, so if you or someone you know is interested, let me know.

The emotions came quicker than Poe could possibly feel them. Poe walked quickly through the halls of the base, each step becoming harder to calculate. The lights seemed too bright and everything in his vision field distorted like a fish eye lense. His feet felt out of step and his whole body tingled. Finally Poe made it to the cool outside night air. Poe staggered off base and sat beside a large durasteel supply crate in the grass. Poe’s heart raced and his veins flowed with ice. The tears just kept coming.

I’m dreaming, I must be dreaming. Poe pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head in his knees, squeezing his eyes shut. Kylo Ren was in his brain, right there. He remembered the moment Kylo got it out of him. He hadn’t been strong enough. Shame threatened to swallow him whole right then. It’s my fault, it was all my fault. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t given up the base.

“Fuck,” Poe sobbed. “ Fuck , it’s my fault.” His chest heaved. I shouldn’t even be feeling this way, he thought. I can handle rejection and this has nothing to do with Finn-

Finn. He remembered with a certain clarity the moment Finn removed his stormtrooper helmet. “ This is a rescue. ” He remembered Finn wearing his jacket, and the careful way that he had tucked the blanket under Rose’s chin. Finn was so good . But for a split second, Poe thought it might have been better if he had never been rescued at all. So many less people would have died at his hand. Rose’s sister would still be here.

Poe Dameron did not want to be Poe Dameron anymore. It turns out that being the best pilot in the galaxy weighed heavy on one’s shoulders. All he wanted was to sleep, to just sleep and forget and not wake up.

Distantly he heard BB-8’s trademark warble calling out for him. [ Poe, Master-Poe; where are you? Don’t make me alert the general. ]

Poe huffed and stood up. He quickly wiped snotty tears on his shirt and wrung out his hands. He couldn’t let BB-8 see him like this. Slowly he walked to his droid.

“I’m over here buddy,” Poe knelt down and hugged his droid.

[ Poe… ]

“I’m fine, buddy. Let’s go to bed.”

[ Poe does not seem ‘fine.’ ] His eyes were red and his hair was a mess. His hands trembled and his voice quaked. [ Was Master-Poe having a panic attack? ]

“I’ll postpone your matienience if you keep this you yourself,” Poe offered.

After some careful consideration, the droid beeped, [ Deal. ] BB-8 happily rolled back to base.

Poe fell asleep quickly once back in his quarters, exhausted from his crying fit. He slept peacefully for a few hours when he was awoken by the sound of his door sliding open.

He tried to lift his head and call out but no words came. A tall black figure stood in the doorway. For several minutes the figure stood, unmoving, and Poe could not break his stare. He tried to move, to do anything, but his body wasn’t responding. The black figure took several slow steps towards him. He was at his bedside now, but Poe still could not see his face. He heard a click. Kylo Ren’s lightsaber roared to life. Leia Organa's son raised his arm ready to strike.

Poe was awoken by his own tongue-tied shout. It took a few moments for his eyes to focus. He was facing the wall of his bunk but he could sense something standing beside him. He was afraid of what he might find if he turned his head.

[ General-Leia wants to see you right away, Master-Poe. ] BB-8 beeped helpfully. Poe groaned and flopped onto his back. He did not want to fight with Leia.

“General,” Poe stood at attention. “You wanted to see me?”

“At ease, Captain.” Leia smiled at him, and though Poe had relaxed, there was an uneasy tension. He could not meet her eyes more than a few seconds at a time. “Please sit. There is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Poe obeyed, taking a seat at across from Leia at her desk. Poe looked past her at the Rebel flag hanging on the duracrete wall behind her.

“Now that we have settled into the new base, I was thinking it was time we honored our dead.” Poe nodded. “I was hoping you would say a few words.”

Poe didn’t respond.

“Poe?”

“I don’t want to.”

She sighed. “Poe, Crait happened. The Dreadnaught happened. It’s time to cut our losses and move on.” Leia said.

“All due respect,” Poe said bitterly, “But if I recall you criticized my choices, and now you want me to memorialize them?”

“Poe.” Leia said sternly. His jaw tightened. He did not want to fight with Princess Leia, his mothers oldest friend.

“Fine.” Poe said. “May I leave?”

Leia inhaled. There was still so much more to say. So much she still needed to apologize for. But this was so much bigger than one fight. War, was complicated and messy, and she needed to find words that were enough for that. “Poe. I,” she paused.

Poe would rather be anywhere else but here. Leia knew this. It was easy to talk through the most logical action when you weren’t holding up the roof and knee-deep in it, like Poe had done on her behalf so many times. It was easy to call off an attack from the safety of the bridge when your best friends weren’t dying in real time around you.

“You may.” As Poe got up to leave, Leia shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Surrogate sons were no easier than biological sons, Leia had discovered.

Later in the day, Poe contemplated his new task while he repaired old equipment on the previously abandoned rebel base. He was laying on his back underneath inside a dusty durastele cabinet, rewiring colorful circuits. It was not unusual for the general to ask the impossible of him. It’s just that if you do the impossible once, he had found, they don’t stop asking. Poe was tired. Broken like a scratched holovid, replaying the same scenes over, and over, and over again, ad nauseum. His conversation with Leia skipped in his head, superimposed on images of that week.

Kylo Ren, her son, had tortured him; an abuse that had left him on his side. And she protected him. Of course, she had. It was a bitter reminder who was Leia’s true son. She had slapped him, humiliated him, and finally shot him. Maybe he half deserved it, he wondered.

He zapped himself on one of the wires. An expletive escaped his mouth. He couldn’t say he was surprised that had happened. It seemed the Force’s way of reminding him of his place. He hadn’t forgotten; it was so shameful to say that Leia had in any way been inadequate. War was a profound sacrifice. Parenthood was a profound sacrifice.

But goddamn his mother and his father, this life that they had set him up for. He half loathed them, and fully loved them for it. He wanted to so badly to be able to blame someone, blame his mother for leaving him behind, for leaving him looking for mothers in inappropriate, authoritative positions. But he couldn’t blame her. Whether she lived or died, Poe would have likely still found his way to the resistance; that’s just the kind of person he was. He probably would have loved Leia just as fiercely because that’s just the kind of woman she was.

Poe swore again, and this time not because the wires had shocked him. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, after all.

The next afternoon, Poe had tasked Rey with helping him search the basement of the old Rebel base for supplies for the memorial. Lights flickered in damp tunnels underneath the base. BB-8 quietly rolled alongside them, projecting a shining light. “So do you know where this supply closet is?” Rey asked. She idly kicked a pebble as Poe ducked his head into a room, he and BB-8 giving it a once over.

“Leia said it would be somewhere in one of these rooms,” Poe called from inside the room.

“Right. How is that, by the way, you and Leia? Finn told me what happened on the bridge.” Poe stepped out into the hallway again and gave her a dead-eye stare. “Oookay, forget I asked.”

Rey brushed her fingers over cobwebbed walls. These halls bore too much resemblance to the one she had found Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber in.

“Have you ever held a memorial before?” Rey changed the subject.  Poe shook his head. “I spoke at my mothers funeral.”

Blast, she thought. “ Oh, Poe. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you had…” It suddenly made sense, his relationship with Leia. She was clearly more to him than a commanding officer.

“S’okay Rey, you didn’t know.” He said with a weakly reassuring smile. He clapped her on the shoulder. “We’re at war. Everybody’s lost somebody.”

Rey pressed her lips together. “I know. I mean- My parents, they left me on Jakku.” Rey said.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Rey.” he said.

“Were you close with your mother?” Rey asked as she ducked her head into another room. Then, “Poe, I think this is it.” Her hands fumbled in the dark and found an exposed lightswitch. The fluorescent lights flickered over head. They were in a medium sized room with aluminum shelves lining the walls. On the largest shelf on the far wall, a stack of Rebel flags sat folded. On the shelf above them, several scraped up helmets left over from the Rebel Alliance sat covered in dust. Poe stepped forward and picked one up, dusting it off.

“I learned how to fly on my mother's knee.” He said, placing the helmet on Rey’s head. It was too large for her and fell to one side. Poe bopped her on the head, which only exaggerated the tilt. “There. Fits like a glove.” Poe grinned, and Rey grinned back. Rey didn’t know what a brother, or a friend, for that matter was supposed to feel like, but she thought that Poe must be pretty close to the real thing.

Rey and Poe had, with the help of BB-8, dragged crates of helmets and flags to the main hall of the base. At the front of the large room, Poe arranged the crates in a horizontal line, one for each of the transports and main fleets that had been taken out by the First Order.  Traditionally, Poe had said, that a kind of battlefield cross would have been made for each fallen member of the resistance. However, it was glaringly obvious that they didn't have nearly enough resources for the kind of large-scale loss they had suffered. Rey was unsure of what to expect for a Resistance memorial service. But as she helped Poe set up for it the afternoon of, she couldn't shake the weighty feeling of tradition and ritual. Rey watched as with great reverence Poe draped the Rebel flag over each crate, the Rebel insignia hanging in front. Then, Poe took a helmet and placed one atop each draped crate.

With the stage set for the memorial, Poe left for his barracks to go over once more what he had planned to say. This was not to say that he something planned at all. What could he possibly say?

The thing about war in intergalactic space is that while there were often casualties, there were not often bodies. In his more halcyon, hopeful days, Poe liked to believe that if we were vaporized in war, then whatever weird, vague, nebulous shit we were made of would join with the Force or some Luke Skywalker shit like that.

Now, however, Poe questions what an “instant” death really means. He wonders about the nature of matter and if we really are greater than the sum of our parts. Nihilism never looked good on him, but he isn’t quite sure this whole Force thing means anything. Maybe we are all fighting for nothing, delaying nothing, he thinks. But he has to believe anyway because if it really is all for nothing, if Rose’s sister died for nothing, that might be worse than not knowing.

After setting up the display, Poe returned to his room on base to prepare for the service. When he entered the room Poe didn't bother flicking on the lights; he knew just what he would see. Bed sheets hung halfway off the bed in a tangled mess, a small pile of dirty clothes at the foot of the bed. Poe's usually fairly neat desk was strewn with loose papers, garbage, and spare parts for BB-8. The trash overflowed. Poe's holo-communicator blinked on the nightstand next to his bed. In the dim light of the early evening, Poe went to his closet and rifled through a basket of clothes. Poe picked up a grey button up shirt and sniffed it. Deciding that it met the bare minimum requirements, he swapped it with his other shirt. Poe quickly ducked into the bathroom, raking his fingers through his curly dark hair, but he couldn’t be bothered to do much more than that. It was good enough; appearances hardly mattered when everyone else feels like shit. Poe yanked on his jacket and went out the door.

Quietly the Resistance filed into the hall that evening. Rey and BB-8 had made quick work of setting up enough chairs for everyone in two columns. Poe paced about nervously greeting members of the Resistance. He played the part of ‘fearless leader,’ but inside he felt sheepish.  Leia wore one of her glorious robes. She graciously walked from person to person, shaking the hands of low-level Resistance members, offering condolences, sharing memories. ‘ She truly is royalty,’ Poe thought. It occurred to Poe then that Leia had lost someone dear to her too.

The ceremony started on time, though Poe wished he could have delayed it just another moment. Quietly Leia took a seat behind the small tribute Rey and Poe had arranged.  Rey sat in the first row, BB-8 seated next to her on the inner edge of the aisle. Beside her sat Finn. Rose cast her eyes downward as she walked into the room. She sat beside Finn. Finn gently placed an arm around her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. Finn placed his hands in his lap, fidgeting.  There was a chasm between them.

Leia climbed to the podium to give an outline of the evening's plans. "We are gathered here to mourn our dead. After a few remarks from Captain Dameron, we will leave time for those who wish to spend a moment. Afterwards, there will be refreshments. We also invite anyone who is struggling at this time to visit the medbay for counseling." Someone in the audience scoffed. "Captain Dameron, the time is yours." Though Poe was a few steps from the podium, the journey seemed to take an eternity. Perhaps for those who did not know him well, Poe seemed to be coping, but the way he carried himself was louder than silence.

Grimly, Poe looked over the audience. Leia and Admiral Holdo were in the back of his mind. He is dangerous. He is volatile. And goddamn he has no right to be here. Finn looked to Rey. Rey merely shrugged. Poe had not told her what he had planned for the memorial, but something told her this was not it. In the silence, one could hear three things: BB-8 quietly whirring, a few idle coughs, and several sniffles and choked sobs. Rey silently communicated with Poe the best she could. She wasn't exactly sure how the Force worked in a lot of ways, especially regarding mind reading and such, but she hoped and prayed that her thoughts were loud enough for Poe to hear. 'You can do this.'

Finally, Poe lifted his head and cleared his throat.

'Reckless flyboy.'

“I know that this has been a hard few days, hell, it's been a hard few months... There has been more than enough to go around lately." then Poe laughed uncomfortably. Rose did not look up when Poe began speaking.  

"There will be more to come. But listen to me,” Poe raised a finger, and nervously licked his lips. “I was aboard the ship of the First Order. These bastards don't care about anything. They will do what they must to get what they want. They are cynical and calculating. I know the odds are stacked against us…” Poe clasped his hands, he started and stopped again. Finally, he said, “This loss hurts. It hurts because it matters."

Rose finally raised her head, but Poe could not hold her gaze for more than a few seconds. He looked to Finn. Finn’s gaze held steady. "Don’t let the First Order take that away from you. If we are to have a fighting chance, you cannot become like them. You must refuse to join them. This hurt is the difference between us and them. On the memory of those taken from us, every night we survive, even if it is just one more day, it is total victory again and again. If you make it to midnight tonight, you can make it tomorrow.” Poe said the words with shaky confidence. He believed them, yeah, he had to believe his own words because the survival of the resistance depended on it, but even they could not fix the bottom line: He can’t look Rose in the eye because he got her sister killed and he’s in love with her boyfriend.

Poe returned to his seat at the front next to the general. Leia stood and dismissed the mourners. Poe sat hands clasped in his lap, head down low. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You did good, Poe,” Leia said. Poe said nothing. She seemed so much older than she had weeks ago. Poe looked past her and saw Rey smiling gently at him; Finn comforted Rose. Poe could hardly be mad at him, Finn was a good man.  A tear missed his cheek and hit the floor.

Poe felt like a walking wound.

After the memorial service, the majority of the rebels shuffle to the mess hall for supper. Leia watched as Poe slunk away from the group and walked lonely down the hall to his quarters. Not even his faithful droid was with him.

The walls seemed to close around him as he walked. Leia felt an ocean of distance from where he needed her to be. From the back of his head, Poe looks so much like her, Leia thinks. She knows this is hardly the life Shara Bey would have chosen for her son, after all, she sacrificed for a better world for him.

But watching Poe walk down the back of the hall, his head of dark curls and the way he carried himself each gifts from his mother, Leia can’t help but feel that Poe is so himself that in past lives and future lives, it would always end the same: He would get himself killed fighting for a cause that he believed in.

Leia wondered now if her old friend could see her son now. Shara do you know you have a beautiful son? She wondered.

[maybe-your-left]

i wholly believe odin ren is 100000% a mamas boy the wee thing

lets talk about the clingers baby-which means the Ren boys are in competition for affection

SPOILER: Daddy Ren always wins.

TW/CW: NSFW, Odin is a crybaby, Kylo is a crybaby, attention whores, we coddle the boys, oddly sentimental, who is this woman

-------

You were having the most wonderful dream, you were on a beach, bikini-clad. Drinking out of a coconut, basking in the warm sun as it kissed your skin in a delicious tan. When you were awoken by a loud cry, emanating from the door of the master suite.

Behind you, Ren groaned in his slumber. Throwing his beefy arm across your waist as he stirred to life. You opened an eye, seeing the outline of your baby, illuminated by the lights he had turned on downstairs. His blanket in his hand, harsh sniffles between his hiccuping sobs.

"M-mom-m-y," he choked.

Rushing to your bedside, you cringed when he came closer. His face was beet red, stained with tears and snot. Odin was gasping for air, his little hands scrambling under the sheets to find you. He hoisted his body onto the bed, pinning you down. You groaned at the weight, he was getting bigger, and bigger by Ren standards meant he was too heavy for you to cradle.

"What's wrong, baby," you whispered, letting Odin burrow into your chest. His wet cheeks smearing across your bare collarbone, you decided to sleep in the silk pajamas you received for Mother's day, exposing a little too much of your chest.

"Nothing," Ren murmured into your hair, "Other than you're wearing too many clothes."

You threw an elbow into his ribs, causing him to wheeze awake. Mistaking your soothing words for Odin, as words for him. Who was still sobbing into your chest, breathing picking up at the sound of his father waking. "Kylo," you hissed, one look over your shoulder revealed a confused husband. Brow furrowed as he blinked awake, he rolled onto his back. Propping up on his forearms to peer over at the sobbing child, "Odin had a nightmare."

"Hm," he rumbled, "Bubba," Ren whispered to Odin, who was still trembling in your embrace, "What's wrong, why are you up so late?"

Odin sobbed at that, you shot Ren a glare. "I just said he had a nightmare," rolling your eyes you tried to pry Odin off of you. Sitting up in the process, Odin dug his fingernails into your skin, causing you to yelp.

"Baby! Stoppit, let go. It's okay, you're with mommy and daddy now."

Ren sat up with you, latching his hands around Odin's ribs. He tugged on the boy a few times, whispering softly, "Come on, you're hurting your mother."

Odin wouldn't budge, understandable given his attachment to you over his father. But Ren wouldn't let go of him, "Odin, it's okay, let's just lay down."

"I don't wanna lay down," Odin whined, finally releasing you enough to sit in your lap. Wiping his running nose on his blanket, you'd have to clean that in the morning. Ren winced at that, ever the germophobe.

"Do you wanna lay with mommy and daddy," you cooed, running your fingers through his hair like you do for Ren. Odin nodded his head swiftly, jumping between you and his father.

Ren glared at you, hissing through his teeth, "(Y/N), he can't keep sleeping in bed with us."

"He had a nightmare," you laid down next to him. Continuing to pet his hair, you nuzzled his head with your nose. Smelling his sweet shampoo, still a hint of baby left on him. You hated the thought of his growing up, mainly for the loss of your baby boy.

And the reality of having a carbon copy of Ren around, ready to fight his dad for attention.

Ren huffed loudly, falling down on his back. He stroked a hand against Odin's tufts of black hair. He has stopped crying the moment you let him stay, back into a slumbering child with no nightmares. Ren watched him closely, listening to his breathing like you were.

------

That morning, you woke with Odin attached to your chest. Snoring loudly against your skin, a small puddle of drool had collected. You gagged a small bit, maneuvering so he could roll off you.

Ren wasn't in bed, a glance at the clock said it was nine, Odin never sleeps this late. You tapped on his shoulder, softly waking him up so you could eat breakfast.

Odin walked with you hand in hand to the kitchen, where Ren was seated at the table. Drinking coffee and reading the paper, you yawned as you sat Odin down. Even though he whined when you walked away, leaving Ren and him alone.

You watched the two of them from the counter, seeing Ren try to keep Odin calm. Holding his little hand across the table, even though he hated how much you coddled him. He was just as guilty, speaking to his son in soft tones. Telling him how his room was safe to sleep in once again, 'Daddy made sure of it.'

Odin smiled when you came back, sitting between your two boys. Where Ren could touch your leg under the table, and Odin could hold your hand while all of you ate.

The rest of the morning was slow, Belle was out at the friends' house for a sleepover. So it was the three of you, until it was time for Odin's nap. He reluctantly went to his room, even though he tried to guilt you into napping with him.

But Ren said no, he had to be a big boy and face his fears.

Once Odin was pacified and snoring, Ren dragged you to the bedroom. The two of you locking lips for the first time today, Rens hands were all over you. Mumbling against your mouth, "You're coddling him too much."

"Mhm," you mused, pushing Ren flat on his back on the bed. You swung a leg over his hip, straddling him as you fisted the black henly he wore, "I do the same to you."

"Thats because," he paused, ripping off your camisole that you handed changed out of this morning, "I'm the baby you're supposed to coddle."

You giggled at that, letting Ren tug your clothes off until you both were naked. Straddling his cock, you rocked your hips back and forth, moaning as softly as you could.

Ren laid kisses along your collar, moving towards your breasts that were swinging in rhythm with your hips. Ren placed a hand at the small of your back, propping the two of you up with another behind him.

"Am I not giving you enough attention, Kylo?"

He shook his head, panting through an open mouth as he stared up at you. Ren groaned loudly, thrusting into you in quick succession. "No-never enough," he latched onto your nipple, sucking harshly before nibbling it between his teeth.

You gasped at that, walls clenching around his cock. Seated completely inside you for a brief moment, "I can't always pay attention to you." Your breath hitched an octave higher, the head of his cock was nudging delightfully at your cervix. Ren's hips pistoned into you, forcing you to bounce like a ragdoll in his lap.

Blissed out smile stretching across your face, loving the feeling of him inside you. Cock stretching your walls with each slick thrust, you would never get enough of it.

Ren's hand slid down to cup a cheek, the tip of his middle finger lightly prodding your tight back entrance. You jolted in his hold, earning a loud chuckle in your ear, "You like me inside you, huh?"

"Uh-huh," you moaned, "I fucking love you're big cock."

"Fuck," he stilled for a moment, leaning forward to capture your lips in a kiss. Ren wrapped both arms around you, careful to not break apart as he scooted to the center of the mattress. Laying down fully on his back, Ren placed a steady palm squarely on your chest.

Pushing you to be upright on his cock, you bit your bottom lip at the sight. Ren's cheeks pink from fucking, slicked with a sheen of sweat, dark hair mussed up. You raked your nails along his chest, his breath hitched as you scraped his nipples.

"You know," he croaked, latching his hands on your waist now. You felt him readjust, planting both feet on the mattress. Elevating you from the bed, "If you gave me attention-you'd get my big cock all the time."

Before you could rebut, Ren slammed his hips up. Jostling you so hard you yelped, he chuckled below you. Thrusting with all his strength, you clutched to his shoulders. Digging into the skin as he fucked and fucked and fucked.

"Ky-y-ylo," you cried, cunt fluttering around his length. Ren groaned at that, eyes rolling back just as yours were, "You're gonna cum on my cock-all for me."

"Yes," the 's' hissing through your clenched teeth, rocking back and forth as he continued to thrust. You both were right on the edge, the only thing you needed was...

"Mommy!" came from upstairs.

Ren and you both halted, frozen in fear of Odin coming to see you both naked. Still lodged inside you, Ren rolled the two of your bodies. Making sure your faces were looking at the doorway you had stupidly left open. Ren tugged a blanket over the two of you, rolling his hips a little as you waited.

"Mommy!"

"What's wrong, Odin?" Ren boomed through the doorway. He clasped a hand over your mouth, "Mommy's busy!"

"But-but-but," and tears.

Odin must be screaming at the top of his lungs, you could practically see his little face turning bright red from the exertion. You thrashed in Rens hold, trying to be free so you could at least talk to your son.

Ren kept you pinned, waiting a little more before he continued fucking you. Letting yourself briefly moan from the sensation of him dragging against your walls, "Be quiet baby-want you to cum with me."

Not the best plan, but fuck you were so close and it sounded like Odin was tiring himself out. You could give Ren a little bit more of your attention... he was begging for it.

You opened your legs a little wider, making Ren groan in satisfaction. He placed a hand on the back of your knee, keeping you still as he fucked in fast strokes. A glob of spit falling from his pursed lips to the top of your pussy, clit now glistening with it.

Ren nodded towards it, "Rub it-right now and cum on me."

Obeying like the good girl you were, you rubbed tight circles along yourself. Moaning at the feeling of clenching his length. Ren stilled for a moment. Closing his eyes tights before groaning, both of you cumming in a slow fall of ecstasy.

Ren's cock painted your pussy, filling you deliciously while you creamed him. Both of you smiling like horny teenagers as he pulled out, your still pulsing cunt pushed out a glob of cum. Which he swiped with the tip of his finger.

Gingerly pushing it back inside, "Where it belongs."

------

You swung out of bed after that, despite Ren making a noise that could only be described as complete despair. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, you probably looked like a mess but he was five, he wouldn't know.

Running up the stairs to your baby, who was indeed red-faced and still crying. Babbling about where you were, and why he was scared, this, and that. You kept him cradled to your chest, rocking him back and forth.

Footsteps brought your attention to the door, your husband stood in the frame. Hands-on his hips, a little out of breath, dressed like you were.

He walked into Odin's room, plopping down on the carpeted floor by you both. Ren said nothing, he just scooped Odin from your arms. Letting him cry into his chest for a few moments, you stared at the two, your attention hogs.

Desperate for you in every way, but you wouldn't want it any different.

--------

wow okay-so sentimental is apparently an emotion I can have? big shocker.

yes Odin has nightmares, like young Kylo

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[maybe-your-left]

Window Panes - Forever

We made it! 

Here is the Window Panes Masterlist and my Masterlist for all my other fics. 

Summary: A cool breeze nipped at your exposed legs, causing goosebumps to erupt over your skin. You were curled into your comforter, comfy and safe, your cheek pressed against your pillow. Lips pursed and a small amount of drool seeping into the fabric. A creak came from the corner of your room, slightly rousing you from your slumber. You glanced around, your drooping eyelids barely taking in the scene. In your sleep riddled state, you didn't see him, his large figure stalking towards you. The whites of his eyes shining in the moonlight, it wasn't until you felt a palm slide up your side. Following the natural contours of your body, the warmth emanating from it lulling you to sleep once again. A dip in the mattress, the springs creaking under the weight. 

Hot breath fanned over your neck, soft lips pressing onto the back of your ear. A deep hum filling your senses, you sighed. Cuddling back into the figure, wanting to get closer to the warm entity. A low chuckle sounded behind you, and then... 

Nothing. 

TW/CW: This is dark shit, like explicitly horrible shit happens in this. However, I enjoy reading dark fics, and I super loved Stalker Clyde by @clumsycopy​ & was inspired by the oneshot EOS by @thetorturerwrites and I wanted to write something with the sameish tone for Halloween. NSFW, Violence, Murder, Non-con elements, Domestic Violence, Surgery, Explicit sex, oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, miscarriage, mental manipulation, stockholm syndrome, waterboarding, forced feeding, Animal abuse (just a brief mention, I do not go into any detail). 

“Is it-Are we rolling?” 

“Yeah, we’re rolling.” 

“Okay, great,” a sigh of relief. 

You shifted in your chair, smoothing back your hair and itching the microphone that was attached to your shirt collar. Crossing and recrossing your legs, you should’ve worn pants, a skirt was a stupid idea with these boots. You gave a weak smile to the woman across from you, her white teeth flashing the cameras all around the sound stage. 

“Okay,” she looked into the lens, “We are here tonight with one of the victims of the famous 2020 murder trial from New York. She went through over five years of repeated abuse at the hands of her kidnapper, all while he was out killing people around the city.” She turned to you, nodding her head as a show for you to react to the TV. “It’s so nice to have you here, Miss (Y/N).” 

You cleared your throat, shifting once more, “Thank you, it’s a pleasure to be here.” 

“How are you doing?” 

You bit back a scoff, what a stupid thing to ask. After that introduction, what was she expecting you to say, ‘oh I’m fucking fantastic, I’ve been running since the day he was sent to prison and going through intense psycho-therapy to rid myself of Stockholm syndrome.’. 

“I’m great,” you faked a smile, “Always nice to visit New York again.” 

“I’m sure,” she smiled once more, all you could think about were the wrinkles on her face, the crows feet on the corner of her eyes. She must get botox for working at a news station, there’s no way her skin is on with just natural confidence. 

“When was the last time you visited?” 

You had to stop yourself from blurting out an answer, knowing that this would be on national television. Which you knew federal prisons watched, you wouldn’t want to give away any of your whereabouts since the incident. “Uh-it’s been a few years, I haven’t had much reason to be back. My life has shifted to another part of the world.” 

“That’s fantastic! So you’ve been doing well for yourself the past six years?” 

“Yeah,” you gave a genuine smile, “It’s been tough, no off days really. Trying to gain some normalcy from it all, but I’ve done well. I live relatively fearless, of everything.” 

“We have you here because of a break in your case, as I’m sure you know.” 

You gave a grim nod. 

It’s all anyone wanted to talk about since the story flashed on the news last week. Leaving your once quiet home filled with reporters. You weren’t even home when it happened, out getting groceries, gripping your sons’ hands firmly as you walked the aisles. Letting him pick out some snacks for his lunchbox, like any mother would, when your phone blew up. 

Dozens of messages, calls, articles, you name it. 

All with his face plastered on it. 

Convicted murderer and kidnapper, Kylo Ren, has requested the death penalty. After being found attempting to escape federal prison for the 6th time in the past five years. The convict claims that he ‘would rather die than live another day rotting in his cell’. Dropping all the appeals cases that his lawyers have been pushing since his initial sentencing. 

The former New York state governor was on trial for murderering and disemboweling 9 separate victims and kidnapping an 18-year-old girl. He kept her in his basement as his sex slave for close to 3 years before he married her, the young girl escaping into the streets when she was just 22 years old. Covered from head to toe in gashes, blood, and bruises. Claiming that her husband had beaten her within an inch of her life. 

The subsequent trial lasted three months after his arrest. Leading to him being convicted of first-degree murder, rape, and domestic assault. He was sentenced to life in prison, his then-wife was placed under medical care for an undetermined time. 

Mr. Ren has tried to get his charges appealed since the initial sentencing, claiming that his wife was mentally insane and an unfit witness. Along with other claims that include bribing members of the jury to change their verdicts. The whereabouts of Mr. Ren’s ex-wife is unknown, but he claims that he has kept tabs on her even from ‘the inside’. 

“Your kidnapper is being put on death row, which isn’t allowed in the state of New York. Which means he is being transferred over state lines to another prison. However, it hasn’t been revealed where he is being brought because of people interfering with the swap. How do you feel about that?” 

You chewed your cheek, thinking for a moment. There was no way he did this willingly, Ren was never someone to take the easy way out. The last time you heard from him was three years ago, on your son’s birthday. 

Receiving a call from the prison, the only one you had gotten since the sentencing. 

You remember picking up the phone, throat going dry as you whispered that you accepted the charges. Waiting for the operator to connect you to him, after three long years without his voice. 

“Hello, love.” 

“What,” you whispered, stepping away from the living room of screaming toddlers. Your boyfriend gave you a weird look when your face went white as a ghost. “What do you want, Ren?” 

“How are you? Doing well I hope?” 

You huffed, moving into your kitchen and ripping a bottle of wine out of the fridge. Taking a drink as you snarled, “Just tell me what shitty thing you have to say so I can go back to my family.” 

“Oh, yes. Your family.” he sighed, “And what a sweet family it is… little Luke is how old now? I would think he would be about… three.” 

“How do you know about my son?” 

“Hm.” 

“I don’t think he’s just yours.” 

“You shut your mouth, Luke is not your son. I’m going to hang up if you don’t get to the point.” 

“He’s growing up so well. Hairs getting longer, but I know you like to keep it short. But he complained about his ears last time-so big.” 

You took a deep breath, peaking into the living room. Just in time to see your baby boy, smiling and laughing with his friends. Sitting in your boyfriends’ lap, tearing into presents. His big eyes shone with tears of joy when he ripped through a gift that was his favorite color, red. A squeal so loud it could’ve shattered a window, pulling out a giant plush toy. It was like a penguin-mixed with a little dog, no nose, and some sharp fangs. From one of his favorite TV shows, along with a card and some other little toys. 

“Tell me, love,” he chuckled, “Does he like his present? He sounds over the moon about it through the speaker. What I wouldn’t give to be there to run my fingers through his dark hair, look him in the eyes and tell him how much his father loves him.” 

You made Luke sleep in bed with you that night, holding his small body flush with yours. Running your fingers through his curls as he snored into your chest, small tracks of drool seeping into your nightshirt. Trembling as you stared at the shadows, dancing across the bedroom from the window. Full moon shining, you could’ve sworn the floor was creaking downstairs, the sound of footsteps climbing towards your room rang in your ears. 

You didn’t sleep that night, staring into your son’s face as he woke. Blinking awake to smile as you, his grin reaching across his face. All the way to his ears, large ears, covered by his almost black waves. His long lashes fluttering as he greeted you, “Hi mama.” 

His eyes. 

Fuck. 

One of them your eye color, shining back at you. But the other, it was his. 

Deep auburn, shining in the sunlight. Daring you to challenge him, defy him, prove him wrong, anything that would allow him to unleash whatever hell lived under his skin. Flowed through his blood, tainting every corner of your psyche. His child, the one you hid from the world. Moving as far away as you could, claiming it was your boyfriends’ child. 

But he knew. 

And Luke was starting to notice. 

“I feel,” you looked at your hands, forcing them into fists to stop them from shaking, “Just fine, he’s not in my life anymore. Just a small chapter in the book of my story, I hope that he finds peace. Wherever he goes.” 

“Peace? For a man that almost killed you multiple times?” 

You nodded, “Yeah, I do. I can’t change who he is, or what he’s done. I can just try as hard as I can to move on. And if being on death row will help him find what he’s looking for then I wish him the best of luck.” 

She gave you a weird look, shifting in her seat, “Do you think it says anything about his guilt?” 

“Guilt?” 

“Yes, for the past six years he has never acknowledged that he was guilty. Claiming that the jury and witnesses were bought and that you were mentally unstable-making up half the accusations against him. Do you think that him asking for the death penalty is a way of admitting that he was guilty?” 

“Hell no,” you blurted out, eyes going wide at the camera, “Oh-can I swear? I’m so sorry.” 

She laughed you off, “You’re fine, we can blur it out. But you sound so confident? Do you think he believes that he’s done nothing wrong?” 

Now it was your turn to laugh, “Not to repeat myself but, hell no. That man knows, he’s very conscious of his decisions. Everything has a purpose, everything is done for a reason, Ren doesn’t waste his energy on doing something for no benefit.” 

“What would be the benefit of being put on death row?” 

You sighed, thinking about Ren, trying to get into his mindset to see how he could angle the sentencing changing. Letting out a sharp laugh as you rubbed your eyes, “Well-you said it earlier.” 

She looked at you confused. 

“New York doesn’t have the death penalty.” 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

“Oh my god,” you whispered, looking around the room frantically. “Oh my god-oh my god-oh my GOD-New York doesn’t have the death penalty!” you screamed, shooting out of the chair. Grasping the reporter by her shoulders and shaking her violently, “He knew! He knew I was coming here! He’s gonna take him!” 

“Miss (Y/N),” the reporters and security officers yelled. Trying to calm you down, but no, she had said it. 

New York doesn’t have the death penalty. 

You ran from the TV station, hailing a cab on the packed streets. Frantically calling your boyfriend over and over, he was at home. Back in Nevada… where the death penalty is legal, with Luke. He wouldn’t pick up, the dial tone ringing three times before his voice sang through the speaker. 

You wailed in the back of the cab, calling everyone you knew back at home. Asking if they could go get Luke from school, if they had seen him that day. Anything to try prove false the sick feeling in your stomach you knew was true. 

Running through airport security as fast as you could, taking the first flight back home. You prayed on the way that your boyfriend had Luke, safe and sound, back at home. Hopefully, curled in his red blanket, snuggling the stuffed animal he got that faithful birthday. 

Even though no one knew where it came from. 

Luke wouldn’t let you get rid of it. 

Claiming his daddy gave it to him. 

You just let him have it, he was three there was no way he would let you take his toy away once he had held it to his chest. Kissing it with his full lips, dragging it around the house every fucking day. It was his best friend, from the moment he saw it. 

You cried on the plane, realizing too late that the gift was from him. 

His real father. 

Watching after his miracle child. 

When you touched down in Las Vegas, your phone blew up. Your stomach flipping as you read through the messages from your boyfriend, explaining that he let your friend pick Luke up from school. The same friend claimed that your boyfriend had picked him up, Luke’s teacher calling to let you know someone in a black Porsche picked him up. 

Whisking away his child from under your nose. 

You choked on your tears as you read the message from his teacher, telling you how happy Luke was when he left. How he ran into your new boyfriend's arms, like he had known him for his entire life. She told you that he had introduced himself, Ben was just the most amazing father figure she had ever met. Stowing away Luke, surrounded by toys and chocolate when she waved them off. 

After you gathered your luggage you walked towards the cabs out front. Stopping cold in your tracks when you saw a chauffeur holding a sign that said your old name. 

Mrs. Ren. 

You climbed in, body feeling numb. 

Your phone dinged, a picture being sent to you from an unknown number. 

A picture of Luke, held tightly against his real father’s chest. Drifting off to sleep in his strong arms that once choked you to death. 

See you at home love, we miss you. 

-----

I wanted baby luke to say something like ‘my daddy visits me at night’ but it was too on the nose. 

TAGLIST: @finn-ray-nal-beads @millenialcatlady @ohdamnadamm  @daydreamsofren @candycanes19 @caelum-phyriina-vermillon @millenialcatlady @safarigirlsp  @caillea @roanniom @insufferablelust @mrs-zimmerman​ 

[blondeblackwidow]

Surefire ( Poe x Queen!OFC x Kylo Ren ) AO3

V. Poe

a/n: chapter five already! next is kylo or amicea, haven’t decided. poe makes some friends and i really throw some canon away because it’s easier for me ok? Bottom quote is from Before the Awakening, and i highly recommend it. I just vaguely reference that part so i decided to include. the damerons speak spanish because i said so and there’s no canon yavin language ok

wc: 1579!

tw: none. poe cries some more bc tbh he needs it

Tags: @treestarrrrrrrr @simonsbluee

Poe Dameron liked to think he was simple. He liked flying, and his ship. His best friends were the pilots in Black Squadron. He liked doing repairs at night, it was more peaceful. It was currently three am and he’s currently burning his hand on his X Wings hot oil.

“Shit!” He yelled and pulled his hand away. He shook it, and BeeBee cooed at his feet in concern. “I’m fine buddy.” 

“You should listen to your droid, commander.” Leia stood a few feet from his X Wing. 

“General.” He ducked under the wing, meeting the elder woman in the clear.

“When is the last time you slept?” The truth was, Poe hadn’t slept since Hosnian, weeks of rumors and whispers and a pair of blue eyes that he saw every time he tried. 

“I’ll sleep when the wars over.” Leia laughed, she saw so much of Shara in him. Shara Bey was a woman who would fix the galaxy with her bare hands if she had too. She would do it on her own, and always had a hard time accepting she didn’t have to. 

A trait that seemed to pass to her son. “War hasn’t officially started, Dameron, get some rest.” He sighed, and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Has there been any word from the Republic.. From Hosnian?” He asked, dancing around the question that he didn’t want the answers to.

“Queen Amicea had her official coronation two weeks ago, and has sent out wedding invitations to all major senators.” Poe’s chest sunk. He wanted to swoop in and save her, to protect her from this monstrous situation she was in, but she was a grown woman, a queen who didn’t need his protection. Or his help, she had made that very clear. “I’m sorry, I know you loved her.” 

He inhaled to protest. They were never officially something, and the mere idea of them could ruin Amicea’s life. 

“There’s no need to defend it, Commander.” She offered a sad smile. “your secret is safe with me.” 

“We were kids, practically.” He sighed. “I don’t know why I’m so shocked, guess I always knew this was coming.”

“I don’t think anyone expects to stare down the person they loved on opposite sides of a battlefield.” Her eyes were so sad, as if she knew the feeling. 

Poe rubbed the back of his neck and stared at his boots. “Get some sleep.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him an apologetic smile, turning and making her exit.

He pulled his comm from his pocket. His hands were shaking, he didn’t know why, it’s not like the call was going to kill him, but here he was, hovering above the communicator buttons. 

He hadn't realized he pressed it when he heard the ringing. 

“Hello?” The gruffy voice on the other line answered.

“Hey pop, it’s me.”

“Poe, I was so worried, I tried to contact you but they said you left Hosnian.” His dad sounded frantic, worried.

“Sorry pop, I, uh .. I don’t know how to say this.” He sighed. “I left Hosnian to join Leia Organa’s resistance.” There was a dead silence for a solid moment, and Poe was expecting the worst, like a child who just got caught sneaking sweets before dinner.

“As soon as I heard about her resistance, I knew it wasn’t long before you joined up.” Kes Dameron considered him a simple man as well, and all he wanted was his son to be safe, and away from the firefight. But Poe was more Bey than Dameron most days. “I don’t like it, but that’s because I don’t want to lose you too.” 

Too. Poe bit his lip, they weren’t the closest father-son set in the galaxy, but they were all each other had left. 

“You won’t pop, the general is trying to keep this away from another great war.” Poe didn’t believe that this would end peacefully and neither did Kes, but it was better to lie for now than face what was coming.

“I hope so, it’s always been my greatest fear, you having to fight the wars we did.” His dad sounded exhausted, not just in a sleep deprived way, but in the way of someone who was running on a short supply of hope. “But you know that.”

“Yeah, I do.” He nodded, even though Kes couldn’t see.

“Get some sleep, Poe.” 

“I don’t need  -” 

“I can hear it in your voice, get some rest mijo.” Poe smiled, the old nickname felt like a warm blanket on a cool Yavin summer night. 

“You too Pop, I’ll call soon.”

“I love you, Poe.”

“Love you too, pop.” 

Poe Dameron had cried more in these past few weeks than he had in his whole life. But when he was done, he finally got some sleep.

He was also a man of routine, so when he finally did wake up from his much needed rest, he walked through his autopilot of a morning. He showered, dressed, and headed for the command center. It was always bustling with life and work to do, it was relaxing, kept his head out of the clouds.

“You’re Poe, right?” He turned, and saw a taller, older man standing next to him. 

“Yeah, and you are?” Poe extended his hand, his face was weary with caution, but he needed friends.

“Friends call me Snap.” He smiled. “I’m gonna be flying under you in Blue Squadron.” 

“Snap Wexley?!” He exclaimed. “Was your mom Norra Wexley?” 

“Yeah.” Snap nodded. “Why’s that?”

“My mom was Shara Bey, they flew together!” Snap’s face lit up, and the command center came to a screeching halt. Those who didn’t know that Poe was Rebellion Royalty, they did now.

“No way, that’s crazy.” Snap’s eyes were happy, and carefree. Poe was laughing and exchanging stories of times their mothers would fly around them as kids, leaving them awestruck. 

Poe left out that he was eight the last time he saw Shara fly, but he was so happy to finally have a friend. 

“Blue Squad is having a bonfire tonight, you should stop by.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

-

“So what’s your full story, why is the son of two legendary rebel fighters just now joining the cause?” The little brunette spoke up from her side of the fire, she was still in her flight suit, just pulled down and tied around the waist. Pava, she said her name was, goes by Jess, he was trying to learn names, but he was always terrible at remembering them.

“I was with the New Republic Starfighter Corps, flew a couple missions, nothing crazy. Didn’t even know this was a thing till like two months ago if I’m honest.” He chuckled and took a drink of the shitty rum floating around the group.

“I heard that you got a diplomatic assignment to pilot some King.” Poe’s eyebrows went to his forehead. So much for confidential. 

“It was a Queen, and yes, I was in charge of transporting her from her planet to Hosnian Prime. I got into a dogfight and was pulled out of my squad for a month.” 

“What planet?” Snap asked, he was sitting on a crate, leaned forward, interested in whatever he was about to say. 

“Adrora.” He shrugged as if talking about it wasn’t ripping him to pieces.

“I heard she’s hot. Did you lay her?” Pava questioned, and all eyes were on him.

His throat felt like it was covered in cement as he swallowed. “Excuse me?”

“Oh please tell me you’ve had the talk, Dameron.” 

“I’ve had the talk I just don’t like the nature of the question.” He defended himself. The answer was yes, but he didn’t need that piece of information floating around a rebel base.

“Before or after she got engaged to the General’s son?” Pava leaned back onto a tree. Poe’s face drained of color.

“To who?” 

“Pava…” Snap began. “Crossing a line.”

“It’s common knowledge in command.” She shrugged. Poe’s world was spinning so fast he felt like he couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

“Because we heard it from her!” Pava rolled her eyes and stood. 

“Well now he knows, save the general one more heartache.” She walked off. 

“I don’t think anyone expects to stare down the person they loved on opposite sides of a battlefield.”

“Don’t worry about it Dameron, she’ll calm down.” 

“Y-yeah, It’s alright.” He looked at Snap, he couldn’t breathe. It explained so much. “I have to make a call.” He stood, setting his bottle down.

“If it’s to that Queen, drop it.” Snap grabbed his arm. “She made her choice.” 

“What choices did she have?” He ran a hand through his hair. “What choices do any of us have..” He mumbled and walked off to his quarters. 

His fingers shook above the button once more, but this time he pressed the power button and put it away.

-

“So you were never scared?”

His father laughed softly. “I didn’t say that. I’m saying that what I was afraid of then isn’t what scares me now.”

“What’re you afraid of now?”

Poe watched his father raise his eyes from the fence and stare up into the dusk sky. The sun had almost slipped behind the gas giant, and in the last moments of daylight everything seemed oddly brighter, more sharply in focus.

“That it was all for nothing,” his father said.

Excerpt From

Star Wars: Before the Awakening

Greg Rucka