#tw traumatic childbirth

[elementclangen]

Moon 124-Greenleaf

The Clan has been hit hard this moon.  First, a ChaffinchClan attack on Brightfalcon (167) cost the beloved elder her life, starting a war with ChaffinchClan.  Then, in what should have been a joyous moment with Airclaw (66) announcing that she was expecting kits and picking out a nest in the nursery next to Yellowcreek’s (51), with Cressfreckle (40) and Graysong (37) right beside her, Yellowcreek started kitting.  Early.  Too early.  He had two kits but had lost too much blood.  Nothing Graysong, Caterpillarmallow (74), or Needlepelt (27) could do could save him.  Maybe he could have saved himself if he hadn’t been so afraid of his magic.  In the end, the prejudice he faced because of his magic was what cost him his life.   Yellowcreek lived just long enough to meet his kits surrounded by the cats he loved before he passed.  And was surprised to find himself in StarClan, not the dark forest, being greeted by the dark-cursed cats who came before him:  Shadestar and Skydawn.  They welcomed him with open arms, but he still wishes he could be there for his family.  Airclaw, Cressfreckle, and Graysong all spend the vigil curled up next to Yellowcreek’s body.  Cressfreckle and Airclaw never officially became mates with Yellowcreek, but they hope that he knows they loved him.  Romantically.  Airclaw manages to hold it together for the vigil, but breaks down once she’s alone.  She curses the world that took Yellowcreek instead of her.  Cressfreckle sobs the whole night long.  He wishes he would just wake up from this nightmare and his best friend and love would be next to him.  When the sun rises after a sleepless night, he dwells on how this is the first morning of his life that he and Yellowcreek have not shared.  Graysong grabs some foliage from Yellowcreek’s nest, comforted by the scent of his mate.  It comforts him as he curls around their kits and manages to drift off into sleep.  The Clan is also hit hard by the loss of Brightfalcon.  She was the oldest cat in the Clan and beloved by many.   Bushmask (134) doesn’t know what to do with the loss of his mate.  He can’t believe that she and so many of their kits are gone.  At least she, Stormrush, Antlersky, and Rosemaryquake are all reunited in StarClan.  Yellowcreek’s kits survive the kitting and are named Fumblekit (0) and Gladekit (0).  Gladekit got Graysong’s earth-blessing and is already making the plants around him grow to hide him so he can sneak up on the older kits.  Fumblekit on the other paw. . .well, the plants seem to grow towards him as well.  But Caterpillarmallow is surprised when she checks in on him to see steam rising from his pelt as well.  And he’s not glowing. . .she looks at Graysong, who curls his tail protectively around his son.  He knows.  She immediately goes and tells Yuccastar (103) that one of Yellowcreek’s kits is dark-cursed.  Yuccastar, so much less sure of herself than they used to be, decides that, as is tradition, the Clan will vote on what to do with the kit.  Graysong is not allowed to vote, as the kit is his own, biologically, and nor are the other kits.  But no other cats are excluded from the voting.  Despite the support of Yellowcreek’s other friends and loves, the Clan votes to get rid of the kit, leaving the final decision of how to do so up to Yuccastar.  She says she’s going to exile him, and takes him away from the warmth of Graysong’s nest and his brother.  But once she’s far from camp, she breaks the newborn kit’s neck.  Cressfreckle, who had followed to see if he could find a place to shelter the kit, watches.  Later, in a dream Yellowcreek tells him about what really happened to Judaschaser and Rindlefish. Yuccastar is a murderer.

Meta: So. . .this is a heavy moon. I almost cried when I saw that Yellowcreek had died. And then Fumblekit. . .Per the game's rules, an insecure leader will let the Clan vote on whether to keep or get rid of the kit. I went through and decided which cat would vote what, and, based on that, getting rid of the kit won. For the sake of the story, I had Yuccastar initially decide to exile Fumblekit (which is a death senetence for a newborn kit in and of itself), but, once she thought she was out of sight of the Clan, I decided that she would most likely kill the kit. And Cressfreckle took Yellowcreek's place as a witness. This moon was hard to write and I did my best to include any trigger warnings I could think of in the tags. Let me know if I missed anything.

[glow-worms-are-believers]

Danny had majorly underestimated the security around here. Sure, Team Phantom had confirmed the assassin base they were infiltrating didn’t have anti-ghost tech beforehand, which in retrospective was probably the only reason he had made it this far.

Though Danny had thought the lack of tech meant he would just go through walls until he got to the ectoplasm-like substance it seemed that these assassins were paranoid enough to have freaking emf sensors in every single room. And that had completely thrown the plan off-rails which was why he was now walking through some hallways, trying his best to look like he belonged there.

“Wait!” Danny tensed, hoping against hope he had not been made. He slowly turned around to face a woman dressed head to toe in black clothes.

“Yes?” The halfa said as he straightened up, trying to look less like a fourteen-year-old in a balaclava ski mask and more like an assassin.

The woman approached him before asking impatiently, “What are you doing here?”

“I got lost,” Danny said, doing his best not to make it sound like a question.

“No matter,” she said sharply before grabbing Danny’s arm. “Lady Nahla called for her assistant to come back, the prince is crowning.”

With those mysterious words (was there a coronation going on?), she started dragging him down the hallways almost into a run. As they turned the corner to yet another corner, Danny could hear faint screams resonating in the distance and to his mounting dread, he realized the woman was dragging him towards the sounds. Oh Ancients. Was “crowning prince” code for torture or something? Because if so, he was 100% going to faint.

“Come,” the woman said impatiently when she noticed him slowing down. “Lady Nahla is waiting for you.”

With that the woman pushed the door and pulled Danny inside. He looked up and almost fainted right there. Not because someone was getting tortured, no. It was somehow much worse.

“You’re here,” said the woman sitting on her knees between the legs of a very pregnant, screaming lady. She did not look up from whatever she was doing as she continued, “The prince’s head is engaged. Come here so I can prepare the equipment for resuscitation.” Then, she looked towards the face of the still screaming woman, “though it is only a precaution, My Lady.” The pregnant lady didn’t show a sign of having heard but Lady Nahla only patted her thigh in a conciliatory manner.

Danny was rooted on the spot, and it was only the guard’s push that got him moving. Without quite knowing how he got there, he was down on his knees with his hands splayed open as if ready to catch a football. Through his all-consuming panic, Danny wondered how big babies were supposed to be compared to footballs but all that vanished like smoke as the baby started getting out. The next few minutes felt like a blur of a scream-filled, stress-fueled nightmare. His knowledge of baby-caring was limited to ‘keep away from ectoplasm’ and ‘support the head’ so he focused on the latter. As Danny held onto the last thread of his self-possession as he blocked out any sensory input that wasn’t the baby’s head in his hands until finally, he was left with a small wrinkly baby held awkwardly in his arms.

“Congratulations My Lady,” said Lady Nahla from above Danny’s shoulder. “It’s a boy.”

Danny fell into a daze as the midwife took the baby to clean him up and swaddle him before giving him back to his mom.

“Go fetch that hot water, now,” the midwife said to Danny.

Danny nodded, walked out of the room and started speed-walking away from the room. On the way he crossed path with a girl about Danny’s height wearing all black who nodded to him, which he copied. Danny waited until he turned out of sight into an empty hallway to finally start running full speed as he tried to repress any memory of what had just happened.

He patted his jacket pocket for the vial of green stuff and promised himself that he would never speak to anyone about this.

DP x DC prompt #119

Danny sneaks in and infiltrates the League of Assassins. Apparently, he chose a great time to infiltrate the League of Assassins since the leader's daughter is currently in labor.

[a-hazbin-reader]

Can I request how Alastor would be when wifey was giving birth to any of the kids??

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Childbirth?

Description: 👆⬆️

When you go into labor, Alastor is probably in an overlord meeting or something when he gets the news

On the outside he's very calm, simply nodding and standing up while dusting himself off

"Ah, my most sincere apologies but I really must be going! Carmilla, your assistance would be deeply appreciated!"

Carmilla immediately gets the hint and ends the meeting early, Zestial and her daughters trailing behind her

Of course all the other overlords are curious af but Alastor doesn't give them the satisfaction of an answer

"Is it your pretty wife, radioman? She having the baby already?!"

Velvette is shoving her phone in his face and already opening up all her social media apps, Alastor simply walking around her

"Another time, my dear Velvette~"

In fact, he's all laid back smiles and effortless charm just like always, despite everyone else around him panicking

Charlie

"Charlie~ My dear, you must calm down! My wife is the strongest woman I know! She will be fine..!"

He instills confidence in everyone else around him until he's actually alone with you

Husk is the only one who sees through his facade but doesn't comment on it, simply sliding Alastor a single shot to knock back

He refuses to let anybody in that isn't strictly necessary, so Charlie is booted out, and Niffty has to be escorted out like five times

He tries to convince Zestial to leave, but at that point, he's much too focused on you

His grip on your hand is just as tight as your own and his smile is strained with worry, his usual air of confidence has now turned into quiet anxiety

Alastor's lips are nearly pressed against your temple as he whispers soft words of encouragement and apologies to you, rubbing your hip soothingly

If you're in a lot of pain or the birth is extremely traumatic for you then he'll feel guilty and give Lucifer a few dirty looks because it's partly his fault too

He is very soft and gentle with you throughout the entire labor process no matter how you treat him, he's only worried about you and the pain you're in

"This is all your fault! You did this to me!You terrible man!!"

"I know, darling... I'm sorry, please forgive me."

Once you've given birth then he's wiping sweat from your forehead and telling you how proud he is of you, cooing at you and trying to make you smile even though you're exhausted

"Even when you've been through such an ordeal, you're just as beautiful as ever, darling~"

Of course he's super interested in the baby too, checking them over and just watching you hold them with a lovesick expression

Your husband is also eager to hold his child, singing you to sleep while rocking the baby in his arms

He dotes on you and the baby, making sure every need is taken care of and crawling into bed to join the snuggles if you let him

He absolutely doesn't leave your side until you're practically begging him to give you space, and even then, he's reluctant to leave

"Darling, surely an hour is too long? Can't we shave it down to thirty minutes and I'll bring you back some jambalaya?"

He has the biggest, sweetest, most earnest look on his face. You almost forget he's a cold-blooded killer and a demonic overlord

"Make it forty minutes and bring me an extra pillow, please?"

"It's a deal~"

It's so sweet and domestic that it makes his teeth hurt, but he wouldn't trade it for the world

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Bangchan x F!Reader ft. Hongjoong TW : angst ; childbirth ; reader has to have a c-section ; very traumatic labor experience ; Chan turning point moment ; fluffy at the end ; Word Count : 4.9k Request : I'm sure that in my 98 requests there are some regarding this so I'm gonna say yes, it is a request A/N : Back on that good shit, HELLO!!!

It had been four months since you left, riding off into the sunset with Hongjoong, at least that’s the way that Chan looked at it. In reality, you sat in the passenger seat crying your eyes out in the parking lot of the McDonalds while Hongjoong worked tirelessly to console you to no avail. 

Four months since the last time you had even heard from Chan, too busy with work still to even realize what he had lost… At least that’s the way you looked at it. Back at home, he couldn’t even get his brain to focus on anything but you, the words you had said before he had pushed you away. Work always came first in his life, it had always been that way, but you had needed his attention too, more then than ever before. He had screwed up, and now he was too scared, too ashamed to even try to get in touch with you. The fear that you had finally moved on to someone who would treat you and the baby better, it ate away at him like a parasite and it was killing him to not know how you were doing, but he felt that he deserved it. 

Even Hongjoong, who felt that his acts of kindness were purely innocent, was filled with a sense of guilt, feeling like he was the reason for what was going on right now. No matter how much you told him that he wasn’t to blame, that you would never blame him for it, he couldn’t let himself get rid of the shame. It turned into you consoling him for the better part of two months, and when it seemed like he was finally getting better and coming to terms with that fact that this wasn’t his fault, he would run into Chan somewhere and those feelings would come rushing back full force. 

All in all, the last four months have been absolute hell for everyone involved, but no one really talked to one another anymore, so that only worsened the feelings that everyone had. You were lonely, trying to get through the remainder of your pregnancy without thinking too hard about the fact that you’d be a single mother basically, that the father of the little girl that you were carrying had angrily kicked you out and wouldn’t even call to check up on you. Chan was depressed, not knowing anything that was going on with his daughter, not even knowing if you had delivered the baby yet, not knowing how you were doing, and being away from the love of his life and the mother of his child was essentially destroying him. Even those that weren’t directly involved in what was going on, they were being affected too. Members of both groups had to deal with the negative moods of both men and no one knew what to do. 

It seemed like the four months would never end, each passing day felt more like deja vu, waking up and reliving those moments over and over again, wondering what could have been done differently, what could have been said to try to change the outcome. It was a never ending nightmare it felt, but no one could have guessed how bad the nightmare would get. 

You flipped the page on the calendar, the small box that read “due date” with little pink balloons surrounding it was fastly approaching now. For the first time, it felt like a new day, like you could finally breathe even though your daughter felt like she was kicking at your lungs constantly, you could take a deep breath. You were beginning to feel like maybe, just maybe, with the birth of your daughter, you’d be able to leave the door to your past behind you and start a new journey in life, a new chapter. 

“How are you feeling today?” Hongjoong asked, meeting you in the kitchen with the world's best/worst case of bedhead. You felt awful that he had demoted himself to sleeping on the living room couch just so you could comfortably sleep in his bed, but he had insisted, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Is she ready to come out yet?” He smiled tiredly at your stomach which felt like it was about to burst any minute now, but your daughter had no plan on leaving yet. 

“I’m feeling good… It’s a good day today.” You murmured, giving him a genuine smile, something that you hadn’t done in a while. The sight of it had Hongjoongs eyes lighting up, and you were hoping that maybe he was feeling the same way. “She definitely isn’t ready though. I think she’s actually comfortable being all cramped up in here.” You joked, running your hand over your stomach, and you felt your daughter move beneath your skin, just slightly, but enough for it to feel like she was agreeing with you. 

“What if you’re overdue? What if she never leaves?” He teased, and you rolled your eyes at the questions. There was no way in hell that you’d let that happen. As much as you loved being pregnant with your daughter, your back and your legs were killing you, your stomach was covered in stretch marks that only seemed to be getting bigger and darker every single day, and you’d love to be able to go at least an hour and a half without having to run to the bathroom. 

“Don’t jinx me.” You huffed, running a hand through your hair before turning to the fridge and grabbing a drink. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I cannot wait to get my period again.” As if on queue, and maybe even being slightly insulted by your words, your daughter kicked quite hard, hard enough that it had you choking on and coughing out the water that you had just taken a sip of. 

“She mad at you.” Hongjoong continued to tease all while rubbing your back and intermittently asking you if you were okay, to which you nodded your head and told him you were. And it was the truth, you were okay. It seemed like forever since you were able to just be okay with everything that happened. Maybe it wasn’t that you were actually okay with it, more like you had just come to terms with the fact that you’d probably never hear from Chan again, that he’d never want anything to do with you. It hurt more than anything to come to that realization, to really let it settle in that the two of you were no more, but you also knew that holding onto a false sense of hope for that relationship to come back would only cause more damage to yourself emotionally. 

“You wanna go out for lunch or something?” You asked once you had finally got the air back into your lungs and the tears wiped from your eyes. The last time you had gone out for lunch with Hongjoong was when you were still living with Chan. It had been guilt keeping the both of you from doing something like that again, but you were turning over a new leaf, it was time for you to live your life and let go of the anchor that was holding you back, keeping you emotionally docked to a man that clearly didn’t want anything to do with you or his child. 

Hongjoongs eyes widened for only a second before he nodded his head. Maybe he was beginning to feel the same way. To him, it was clear that Chan wasn’t coming back, and the guilt that had previously kept him from doing anything even remotely close to the likes of dating was beginning to fade away. “Of course, anything you want.” He said, a smile creeping up onto his face as he said it. This was normal, or at least the new normal for you, and maybe in the process there would come new love along with the new life that you were bringing into the world. You could only hope that that was the case. 

“And then Wooyoung and San-” Hongjoong was continuing his story from across the table when you felt it. The sharp pain that you knew wasn’t a kick or a punch from your little girl. It had you momentarily blacking out and seeing stars as a sharp gasp replaced the scream that threatened to pour from your lips. “Y/N?” Your name rushed out of Hongjoongs mouth as he got up from his chair, so fast that it tipped back, but he was by your side before it had even hit the floor. 

The wetness that pooled between your legs was sign enough that not only was your body, but she was ready to come out. “Hospital…” You breathlessly said the word, your eyes prickling with tears as you looked up at Hongjoong, trying to remember all of the breathing exercises that you had learned in the lamaze class that he went to with you. It was harder than you thought when so much seemed to be happening at once, you could barely even focus on your breathing, let alone the breathing that someone else had taught you to do. 

“Right… Yeah… Of course… Oh shit.” Hongjoong stammered out the words, looking around the small restaurant in a state of panic, as if one of the unfortunate people who were now watching you would know what to do. It didn’t take long for a couple other women to come over and try to help you, some of them were on their phones already asking for an ambulance. “Thank you…” Hongjoong whispered to the women, thankful that he could now turn his attention solely back to you while you both waited for the ambulance. 

By the time the ambulance did come, there were so many people surrounding you and Hongjoong, trying to comfort you, console you, calm you, literally anything as the pains got worse and worse. Contractions, as you were told, were painful, and the only thing you could really do was try to breathe through them until they stopped. The only problem was that they came so frequently that you didn’t have time to catch your breath before another one had you doubling over and gripping onto Hongjoongs hand even tighter. 

It wasn’t just the contractions though, there was something else, something that you couldn’t even fully understand, but you just knew… Something was wrong. You could feel it, or moreso, you couldn’t feel anything. You thought that with the amount of contractions and everything that was going on that your daughter would be moving around just as frantically as everyone else in the room right now, but you couldn’t feel anything. “Please… hurry… There’s something wrong… Please…” Was all you managed to say to the paramedics as they helped get you out of your chair and onto a gurney. 

“Everything is alright.” One of the paramedics said, but they didn’t know, they weren’t you, they weren’t going through this right now. You hated how they tried to make everything seem okay when it wasn’t. You weren’t stupid, and you knew your body better than anyone else. There was something wrong, and they needed to get you to the hospital as fast as possible instead of trying to fill your head with false hope. “We’ll be there soon, just keep breathing.” As if you had any other choice… It was all you could do. Just breathe until you get to the hospital, and hope and pray that your feeling was wrong. 

The baby is in distress. We have to get her out quickly. Set up the room. Get her ready. 

Hongjoong stood off to the side watching as doctors and nurses circled around you like vultures. He couldn’t watch as they poked you and prodded at you like some kind of lab experiment, and the only thing he felt was anxiety at the pure chaos that seemed to be unfolding around him. Your eyes were bloodshot and puffy with tears and while he wanted to stand next to you and be there for you and hold your hand, every time he even got remotely close he’d be pushed back and replaced by another doctor that needed to check you over. 

“Call him…” You said loud enough for Hongjoong to hear, and while the doctors didn’t even pause to let you talk to him, he had heard you through the noise and the commotion. He knew what you meant, and he knew exactly who you were talking about. He wasn’t sure why you’d want him to be there, unless you truly thought that something bad was going to happen to yourself, the baby, or the both of you, but he knew that, out of respect for Chan, he had to do it. 

He nodded slowly, hesitant to step out of the room, but he knew that there wasn’t much that he could really do from inside the room either, and it’s not like he could make a phone call with all the noise, so he silently slipped out into the hallway and leaned against the wall. Would Chan even answer his phone? Even if he didn’t, it’s not like you’d be alone, and if something horrible did happen, that would be something that Chan would have to live with for the rest of his life. 

The ringing lasted for a good bit, or maybe it was just the fact that time didn’t seem relative in this situation and a second seemed to last for an hour for Hongjoong, but when the ringing finally came to a stop and he heard a soft sigh through the speaker on his phone, he knew that Chan had finally picked up. “Y/N is in labor… She wanted me to call you. It’s not… going well… She wants you here.” 

It was vague, but it got the point across. To be honest, Hongjoong didn’t have the slightest idea of what was truly going on back in the room, he heard the words, but he couldn’t fully comprehend them, they made no sense to him. “Is she okay? Is the baby okay?” Chan shakily asked, and while everything around Hongjoong seemed to be moving in slow motion, the sounds coming through his phone made it seem like Chan was in a world in double speed. 

“I don’t know… I don’t know anything. She just wants you here. She wanted me to call you. She’s scared, I’m scared… I’m sorry, hyung.” He whimpered, tear drops spilling over his lashes and trickling down his cheeks. “Please come fast… I think they’re moving her…” They were both crying, that much was obvious, the sound of choked off sobs only slightly muffled by the car engine that rumbled through the speaker. 

This felt a great deal like karma, although neither of the guys knew who it was coming after. Was it Hongjoong for unintentionally stealing away the family of another man, or was it Chan for being so oblivious to the blessings that he had been given that he let them be taken from him? Why would it go after you though? You and the innocent baby that didn’t know anything about what was going on around her? None of it made sense. 

Silence filled the call, neither men speaking, but soon that silence was interrupted by the door being pulled open and the commotion that Hongjoong had temporarily removed himself from now flooded into the hallway. “These are your scrubs, follow us.” A doctor hurriedly handed Hongjoong the blue suit and then turned their attention back to the hospital bed that was being wheeled out of the room. Nurses followed behind, carrying the IV bag that you were still attached to, but now there was an oxygen mask over your face, although it wasn’t connected to anything, not yet at least. “There isn’t much time, hurry.” The doctor said, looking back at Hongjoong who was in a state of shock seeing you like this. 

“What’s going on? I’m almost there… Hongjoong?” Chan finally spoke up, but there was nothing that Hongjoong could say. He still didn’t know what was going on, but now it felt like he was on limited time, and the last thing he wanted to do was be on the phone with Chan when he could be spending this time with you, or beside you… He should be there for you, and maybe Chan knew this, or maybe he just didn’t want you to go through this alone. “Go… I’ll get there soon… Don’t leave her…” 

Sitting in the waiting room was Chan who had run through the hospital doors like a bat out of hell, pushing through people just to get to the front desk only to be told that he couldn’t even go back and see you. He was left with so many questions and no answers, fears that clouded his mind and made the sound of the television right above his head seem like nothing more than a low drone that was everything but calming. 

There was no comfort found in the pristine white walls or the nose burning bleach smell from the overly sanitized floors. There was no solace felt when looking at the scenic paintings that hung along the walls. There was only a sense of looming dread that hung over him. To lose everything before he had even gotten it, to not even have had the chance to enjoy the time with you and his unborn daughter because he had so carelessly given it away just to chase his career.

“Sir…” Pulled from his thoughts by the low, almost mousy voice of the receptionist, he finally looked up at her. “You can go back now.” Was this a light at the end of the tunnel, or was it just the high beams of a car racing through only meant to give him some sense of false hope before he was crashed into? 

Every step was slow, giving him time to prepare himself for whatever it was that he’d walk in on. Would you be okay or had he lost you? Had he lost his daughter? Were you both gone? Was he only allowed to come in just to say goodbye? Wouldn’t that be sick? To be led into a room where everything that he truly loved lay lifeless and cold… He wouldn’t be able to handle that, he wasn’t even able to handle the thought of that. 

Hongjoong stood outside a door, his hair disheveled and his eyes reddened from crying. His cheeks and his nose looked raw, and his lips were chapped… But he was smiling. There was no sadness in his eyes, he wasn’t wearing the look of someone that he just witnessed something so horrifyingly devastating that Chan couldn’t even think of it. “They’re sleeping…” Hongjoong whispered, letting out an exasperated chuckle as he ran his hand through his hair for presumably the thousandth time today. “But they’re okay… They’re okay.” He repeated the words as if he himself needed the reassurance. 

“Wh-... What happened?” Chan stammered, still left with a whirlwind of questions, but did it even matter what had happened? As long as you and his daughter were alright, that’s all that was important to him. “Is the baby in there? Can I see her?” Hongjoong shook his head no, and for a moment Chan thought that he was saying that he couldn’t see his daughter, but Hongjoong quickly motioned down the hall with his head. 

“They have her in the nursery right now… They still want to check her over, make sure that there’s no issues. I… I wish I could tell you what all happened but… I couldn’t even ask questions and… I was so scared. I think it’s a good thing you didn’t make it in time to see it… I never want to see something like that ever again…” Hongjoong rambled, his head shaking so fast like he was trying to rid his mind of whatever images now plagued it. How bad had it been? 

“Can I go in the room?” Chan asked, and Hongjoong paused, looking between Chan and the door before nodding his head. “Thank you… Thank you for taking care of her, and being there for her… And giving her everything that I failed to give.” Chan murmured, his hand freezing on the doorknob, eyes welling up with tears as he dropped his head. “You’re a better man than I am… And she deserves better… So does my daughter…” 

He didn’t give Hongjoong time to respond, he wanted to get in the room and see you, make sure you were okay, and then go see his daughter to make sure she was okay as well before heading back home. He didn’t intend on staying, not because he didn’t want to, but he was sure that you wouldn’t truly want him around now that the nightmare was over. He had hurt you and pushed you away, he didn’t even feel like he should be there. 

“Hey…” Your voice was soft, not intentionally, but you were groggy and tired, as he expected you to be after going through this. “You finally made it… Took long enough.” You scoffed, and Chan could only sigh. If only you knew the amount of accidents that he had dodged, the amount of tears he had shed just to get here, just to wait for the clearance to come into the room and see you. He would have argued it, but he found no point in fighting against you, not right now. “Did you get to see her yet?” You asked, and he shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets as his top teeth sank down into his bottom lip. “Did I interrupt your work?” 

Were you truly questioning it or was it just a jab at the fact that he had chosen work over you and the baby in the beginning? He wasn’t sure considering your voice didn’t really give way to any emotion other than exhaustion. “No… You didn’t interrupt anything. I was at home.” He said softly, and it felt like he was walking on a thin layer of ice. Any wrong move and he’d fall through. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I didn’t make it in time. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here.” 

“You’re a busy person… I understand that you can’t make it.” You said as nonchalantly as ever, as if you were just talking about the weather. “You should go see her before you have to go again. I’m not sure when your schedule will free up so… If you want me to send pictures of her to you I will…” You weren’t even looking at him, your eyes gazing far off into the distance, out the window of your little room. Was it because you’d get sad if you looked at him? Or would you just get really angry? How was it so easy for Hongjoong to juggle both his work and his life? Why was it so hard for Chan to do the same thing? Did he even have a chance to try to prove to you that he was sorry or had Hongjoong already made his way into the space in your heart that Chan thought was reserved for him? 

“I never stopped thinking about you… About the baby… I never stopped thinking about how much of an idiot I was for leaving you… For letting you leave.” Chan began, and he saw your tongue push against the inside of your cheek, something that you did when you were thinking just a little bit too hard. What were you thinking about? “And I know that right now isn’t the best time to be coming to you and telling you this. I should have come to you the day after you left… I shouldn’t have even let you walk out that door. But I love you, and I love our baby… And that dream that we created together… I still want that with you. I want to be with you, I want to have a family with you… I want so much for you to just be home again.” He shook his head, his eyes squeezed shut to try to hide the fact that he was getting teared up. “I want our home to be the home that you bring our daughter to when you both get discharged… But I know that I’m too late…” 

For the first time since he had walked into the room, you looked at him. Your head turned slowly to let your eyes, filled with confusion, fall upon him. “What do you mean you’re too late? I’m not dead, Chan. I had a c-section… and while it still feels sore and I know it’s gonna hurt like a bitch later… I’m still alive.” You said it as if that were the only thing he should be worried about, but he knew that Hongjoong was just outside the door, and maybe you were just trying to play dumb to protect Chans feelings, although he wasn’t sure why you’d do something like that considering the hell that he put you through. 

“I know that you and Hongjoong are together… You don’t have to hide it or pretend…” Chan mumbled, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth before letting out a loud, heavy sigh. “He’s better for you anyway. He was always there for you… He was there for the baby before she was even born… There’s no way that I can compete with him. I understand that he took my place… But I do love you, and… if it’s okay with him… I would like to still be in her life… I want to watch her… grow up… I want to be there for birthdays and holidays and-” 

“What the fuck are you on about?” You cut him off with the question, your eyebrows arched and your face had shock written across it. “Hongjoong and I aren’t together. Holy shit, Chan.” You let out a scoff that sounded more like you were trying to hold in your laughter. “Is that why you didn’t try to get in touch with me? Because you thought that he and I were… together?” You quizzed, and Chan mumbled out a sheepish yes in response. “So you’re telling me… We could have been together… through the better half of the last portion of my pregnancy… But we weren’t because you thought I started dating Hongjoong?” 

Chans hands flew to his face and his head fell back as he let out a loud groan. “Yes. Yes! I was stupid! I let my assumptions get the best of me and I missed out on the birth of my daughter because of that. Is that what you want to hear? I’m stupid!” His head shook before he let it drop down, his eyes lingering on the lines between the floor tiles. “Why didn’t you message me though? What was keeping you from reaching out… Not that it was your job to, considering what had happened… but… If you missed me and wanted me there for all of that… Why didn’t you text me or call me?” 

Now it was you who grew quiet, your hand that was free of the IV running through your hair as your eyes bore into him, and even though he wasn’t looking, he could feel the heat of your gaze from across the room. “Because you told me to leave… I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I was devastated that you just let me walk out, and it made me feel like you wouldn’t care if I tried to get in contact with you anyway. I was pregnant, and I never felt so alone in my life, even with Hongjoong there to help me. All I wanted was you. But I was scared that you’d tell me to leave you alone and… I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of rejection, not from you.” 

His heart sank at the revelation of how you truly felt, and he couldn’t believe how far it was from the truth. He still had one more question though, one that seemed to be burning brighter now that he knew how you felt. “Why did you call me today? Not that I’m mad about it but… what made you want to see me now?” 

The sudden sound of you sniffling filled the room, and you fumbled with the edge of your blankets as you took a few shaky breaths. “Because… I thought something was wrong… That something would go wrong and… Even if you hated me, I needed you here. I was scared that I would die… That she… You know… And I just needed you.” Your voice broke at the end and the sniffles turned to full sobs as your head dropped and your hair curtained your face. 

He ran over to your bedside, grabbing your hand, for the moment completely forgetting that he hadn’t been around at all, the only thing he wanted now was to be there for you, to show you that he loved you. “I’m here now… You’re okay, she’s okay… I don’t want you to think of those things anymore… okay?” He whispered, petting his fingers over your hair and tucking it behind your ears before tilting your head up to look at him. “I love you… And I’m sorry… I’m sorry for everything that I’ve put you through… But I want to be here now, if you’ll give me that chance. Just one more chance… Please…” 

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[thedeviltohisangel]

All The Things I Did (Interlude): I'd Give Up Forever To Touch You

a/n: WE DID IT JOE! this interlude is close to 9k words and is almost 16 pages in my google drive. we thought my 10 page interludes were a labor of love? if only we knew. this interlude if the full story on the birth of the twins and i hope you all cherish it the way i have. i apologize it took me a minute to get this written and ready for you but it is here and i am not ready to let go of cass and john quite yet as long as you all are still wanting to read about them. please let me know your thoughts and i look forward to explore all the nooks and crannies in this one with you all! love you all so very much xoxo

TW: descriptions of pregnancy and childbirth (traumatic)

Something felt different from the moment Cass woke up that morning. She felt it deep within her bones. Like the way you felt it in the air when a storm was brewing or the electricity that rippled throughout a room before two people came to blows. It was deep and settled and urged her to take action. It was the sense that she was no longer just a daughter or a sister or a wife. Today, she was going to become a mother.

The other half of her bed was empty when she rolled over. The sheets were rumpled and the comforter thrown back as if John had expected to come right back. She listened closely for the sounds of Butter but even his presence was not felt. That caused a spark of worry to rip through her veins.

“John? Butter?” she called, struggling around her full uterus to sit up against the headboard. They never worked together. If they were downstairs conspiring, she had no clue what it could possibly be in the name of. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” A smile spread across her face and a warmth blossomed in her cheeks and John came back into their room, a tray of everything she had been craving held between his hands and Butter trotted beside him happily with a rose between his teeth. 

“Oh, my baby!” Cass cooed as the dog bounded onto the bed happily and dropped the flower in her lap. Butter curled himself under her arm perfectly and rested his head on her belly, looking up at her like she hung the stars in the sky just for him. “You’re just so handsome and perfect, aren’t you?” she murmured as she puckered her lips and he kissed her before kissing the taunt skin that protected her fast approaching child. 

“What about me?” John clutched at his chest as he rested the plates of chocolate chips, Cheerios, shredded chicken and slices of cheese at the foot of the bed. 

“Butter asked to be my Valentine first. I’m sorry, John.” She closed her eyes as the warmth of her companion began to lull her back to sleep. “Besides, I’m not feeling mouthwateringly sexy this year.” Their Valentine’s normally looked like something out of a pleasure den. Red lace and rose petals and long soaks in the tub. Empty bottles of wine and whipped cream on skin. The day before or the day after was when they planned a nice dinner and exchanged a silly, little gift to commemorate the day of love. But the actual day was spent exploring all the new ways to come together and fall apart. Over and over and over again. 

This year, Cass barely had the energy to wake up and roll over. The strain of caring for another life was wearing on her as she neared the seventh month of her pregnancy. She was always hot and her muscles ached and her ankles were swollen. She had bouts of uncontrollable sobbing with no idea how it started or how to fix it. Horrendously inconvenient cravings that had John running around town at all hours of the night trying to satiate her. 

John was taking it all in stride. Was happy to rub her feet for as long as it took for her to gain any sense of relief. Jumped at the chance to run her a bath, rub lotion on her belly or shave her legs. Pampering her was the least he could do when she was carrying their child. Going on this journey with him, the journey they had talked about all the way back in Thorpe Abbotts. The journey that brought them back together after the trials of Germany and the breaking point of Wisconsin. All of it made sense every time he held her. All of it would seem trivial when he first held their baby.

“Spook, I took so long to come back up here because I was drooling over how sexy you are.” He wiggled his eyebrows for emphasis and she laughed.

“I’m not fitting into any red lace this year,” she replied. 

“My undershirt looks mighty fine on you, don’t worry.” Her eyes lit up with a spark of energy, John taking the opportunity to kiss her lightly. “Today a relax in bed day?” There were days she was restless, needing to fiddle in the nursery or take laps around the neighborhood. Other days when she would rather sink into the couch and become a part of it. 

“Maybe. I don’t know. Something is different today.” His eyebrows rose as he lounged on the bed with Butter snuggled between them.

“Good different or bad different?” 

“Good different. I think my maternal instinct is really kicking in.” Her hospital bag had been packed for days, after one of her latest rounds of furious nesting, and John had practiced the route to the hospital at every hour of the day to make sure he was aware of all possible ways to get there.

“Should we go? It is time?” Cass could feel his excitement, and worry, ramping up. Sensed the way his muscles were tightening and his heartbeat was increasing just as it would before he went up for a mission. Her husband was now singularly focused on the task at hand. Get his wife to somewhere safe where they could welcome their baby into this world. The idea of becoming a father was daunting but it was everything they had ever wanted. The reason he had joined even before Pearl Harbor, to make sure the future generation would have a world as beautiful as this one to be a part of. The reason he had survived those nights in a German POW camp, to fulfill these dreams with the woman lying across from him. The reason he had spilled all of the darkness out of his soul that night in Wisconsin, so he could be sure that he was the right man to be her husband and the father of her children. 

“Not quite yet. Let’s enjoy the last little bit of time, just us.” He leaned over the dog to kiss the top of her head and his hand went to her belly on instinct, his thumb tracing little circles.

“I can’t believe we get to meet them soon,” he whispered. Tears welled in her eyes as she felt the happiness rolling off of him in waves and she knew she was giving him the same emotion right back.

“It kind of makes sense when you think about it. That our baby could be born on the day we celebrate love.” Cass had always fantasized about the notion that her children would be the tangible representation of the love she had for their father. Had let that fantasy shrivel away during the time she was set to marry Sidney Landry. With him, the thoughts of her children had turned into nightmares, bringing an innocent being into the world with someone like him as their father. She had lost sleep over the agony of doing that to her children. 

But with John, a man she loved more than anything else in this world. A man she had risked her life for and would a hundred times over. A man that valued her and respected her and allowed her to be herself and experience everything life had to offer. A man that encouraged her work and loved her more than any words in the English language could allow him to express. This was a man she was thankful her children would have as their father. Thankful that she could give them the joy of being loved by this man in the unconditional way only John Egan knew how to love. 

“Don’t go getting all sappy on me, Spook, or I won’t be able to control myself.” He prided himself on keeping his emotions in check unless they were anger or something rooted in the masculinity instilled in him by his father. Except for when it came to his wife. His heart on his sleeve and his mind an open book. There was nothing he would hide from her or shy away from her. Not after everything they had been through. 

“You’ll have to forgive everything I yell at you during labor. I promise that most of it won’t be true.”

“Most of it?” he asked.

“What if I decide to take the chance and just be honest? Maybe I’ve been hiding some pent up thoughts about you.” Cass said it like it was nothing and smoothed Butter’s ear, kissing between his eyes as he began to snore. 

“I see. Lull me into complacency before you strike. Is that what the CIA is instilling in you these days?” She giggled.

“No. I’ve been helping the new officers overthrow small nations.” John didn’t doubt the veracity of that statement for a minute. 

----

The relentless pulling of the muscles across her stomach turned into pain a few hours later. They’d enjoyed their snack in bed, taken Butter on an extra long walk and Cass had even indulged in an afternoon nap with him as John put the final touches on the nursery.

He had called Gale and Marge to let them know Cass thought it was time, the former promising to keep close to a phone as long as it took. Cleven had already promised his friend he’d keep him company in the waiting room for the entirety of the experience. It was a promise they had made each other before Cass’ arrival in the Stalag. John would stand by Gale’s side on his wedding day as his best man and Gale would stand by John’s side on the day he became a father. It had been dangerous to think of the future like that and make promises about what those days might entail but they had done so without a second of hesitation in their hearts. 

John smiled as he held a stuffed bear in his hands, one of many that was filling the room that would soon hold his child. Baskets and baskets of toys, books crammed onto a shelf, a closet overflowing with blankets and other comfy, cozy items. The love for this baby, the baby he had been dreaming of, was already present. He didn’t have to look too hard to know they were going on this journey with more of a family than they could have ever imagined. 

The sound of nails on the floorboard interrupted his thoughts as Butter came running to the room, barking at John and tugging on his pants until he stood up from the rocking chair. 

“What is it? I’m coming, I’m coming!” Butter stood in the doorway to make sure John was following, barking once and jumping to demonstrate the urgency before running back to the master bedroom he had emerged from. “Spook? Are you okay?” Cass was curled up in a tight ball on her side of the bed, teeth gritted and features pinched. Butter barked at John, asking him to fix it, before jumping onto the bed and licking at her cheeks and nuzzling at her stomach to try and soothe her however he knew best.

“I think it might be time to go to the hospital,” she groaned. John sat next to her and peeled her hand from its grip on the blanket she had been wrapped in, twining his fingers through hers and absorbing all the pain that she could give him. “Are we ready for this?” she gasped as the pain ebbed away to give her a moment to breathe.

“I don't think that anyone is ever ready to become a parent. But our little baby is ready for us to be their parents.”

“We should get used to being on their timeline,” she laughed, John’s thumb swiping at the remnants of a tear on her cheek. 

“Who allowed two chaotic individuals to procreate?” he teased to keep that smile on her face. It worked as she took his hand and kissed his palm. 

“I love you. Couldn’t be happier to share these moments with you.” Hidden behind her words but known clearly to him was the memories of their time in Germany. When they thought a moment like this would never be possible for people like them. When she even let herself begin to believe that she didn’t deserve it. 

“I love you,” he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her skin over and over again and she could feel a tear of happiness on her fingers, “more than I could ever fucking say, Cass. You’ve made me the happiest man in the entire world by sharing life with me.” John had always believed in God and hadn’t removed the cross from around his neck since the day he’d put it there. He had gone through phases of his life where he prayed, phases where he went to confession, phases where his faith had been tested. His wife was an answer to all those prayers. A blessing to counteract every sin he had committed. An angel descended to remind him absolution was possible. 

“Kiss me. Please,” she whimpered. He leaned down to meet her lips, one palm rested on her tight belly and the other on her flushed cheek. His nose knocked against hers once, twice before he kissed her again and pulled her up so her back could rest comfortably against her pillows. She grimaced as another wave of pain rippled through her muscles. Her fingers squeezed tight around his, Butter whimpering in shared pain as his nose pressed into the knots of her muscles. “They’re getting closer together.” John pressed a kiss to her forehead with an excited laugh. 

“Let’s go meet our baby.”

----

Cass was heartbroken to say goodbye to Butter. She cried as Alice, their housekeeper, watched from the kitchen doorway. 

“I promise Sir Butter will be pampered to his standards while you are gone, Mrs. Egan.” Cass sniffled around her tears as she pulled away from burying her nose in his fur. His paw landed on her shoulder as he whined. His own attempt to keep her close. 

“What if we just take him with us?” she asked as she looked up at John with glassy eyes. Her bag was in the car and it was running in the driveway, John ready to take off as quickly as a modern automobile would let him. 

“We can do whatever will make you most comfortable, my love.” Both of them had heard a wide range of birthing stories from their friends and family. The thought of being alone in the room was the most haunting thought to her. She wanted John with her the entire time. Wanted to hold his hand through the pain and see the look on his face as he met his child for the first time. Her doctor had told her that husbands were not allowed in the room. But she hadn’t said anything about dogs.

“Butter, baby, if you come and they won’t let you in the room, you have to stay in the waiting room with your dad and uncle.” He titled his head. Who was this dad she spoke of? “You have to promise me you’ll behave for them.” Butter had no problem behaving for Cass. He thrived off doing exactly as she told him because it ended in scratches and snuggles and special treats. That man standing behind her however…he could find it within himself to behave for him. But only because his mother was asking and it meant he wouldn’t have to be without her for too long. 

Butter huffed a bark in agreeance. 

“Sorry, Alice,” John announced as he held the door open for Butter and grabbed Cass’ hand to help her down the front steps, “looks like this one is coming with us.”

----

John looked around the hospital room they’d settled Cass in as the nurse helped her change into a gown. He didn’t like that it felt impersonal, sterile in a disturbing way and not at all like the cocoon of warmth that existed in their home. Maybe they could have their next baby at home. Welcome them in a place that felt more familiar. He thinks Cass would like that. 

“Mrs. Egan, we’ll need you to shave yourself as well.” The nurse handed her a razor and a  mirror. “I’ll check in on you in a little bit.” 

“It never ends,” Cass sighed as she sat down gingerly on the toilet. Butter stood like a sentry by the doorway of the bathroom.

“Let me help, Spook,” John offered as he moved towards her. Soon they would be kicking him out and he would feel beyond useless and helpless. He wanted to share these moments with her. Never forget a single second of one of the happiest days of their lives.

“I haven’t shaved down there in ages. Do you even remember what it looks like bare?” she asked with a breathless laugh as he dropped to his knees in front of her and she lifted her heels to the lid of the toilet.

“Cassandra Ann Egan, I know the prettiest, sweetest pussy in the world better than the back of my hand.”

“What about the palm of your hand?” she teased. She smiled at the way his features were pinched in focus, his touch light as a feather and as precise as he handled his planes. 

“Luckily, my wife’s hornier than I am. Don’t even have to worry about the palm of my hand.” He kissed the inside of her knee as he tossed the razor into the trash can and stood up, offering her his hand. His other arm wrapped around the small of her waist as she groaned and clenched her eyes shut through the oncoming pain of a contraction. “Breathe through it. I got you.” 

“This is awful,” Cass cried as her head dropped to his shoulder in defeat. John held her tightly as silent sobs shook her shoulders. His thumbs pressed deliberately into the muscles at the base of her spine, offering a gentle massage as the pain ebbed away. They were still occurring closer and closer together, lasting longer and longer as her body worked to prepare itself for the birth of their child. 

“You’re so beautiful. And strong. And I love you more than anything in this world,” he murmured into her hair as her muscles relaxed and her weight rested against him completely. “Let’s get you into bed.” Her fingers had an iron grip around his as they moved slowly to the bed, Butter walking steadily behind to make sure his mother wouldn’t fall. As soon as she sat down on the edge, that painful grimace was back on her face. 

“Fuck.” It was the only sound she could get out around the breathless echo of her contraction. 

“Breathe with me, Cass.” They held each other’s gaze as he exaggerated the in and out of his breaths so she could attempt to match them. All of her friends and her sister had told her it would hurt more if she held her breath through it the way she would instinctively want to.”In and out. Slow and steady.” The pain ebbed away and he helped her lie down in a comfortable position. 

“I’m never doing this again,” she whispered as John dabbed at her forehead with a washcloth. “If you ever come near me with your dick ever again, I will hack it off.”

“I promise me and my dick will stay far away.” His tone was nothing but earnest as he took in the pure truth behind her eyes. She had meant every word. 

Cass collapsed back against the bed as her chest heaved with the effort to try and steady to her breath. To not completely let go and unleash a scream of pain to fill the room.  Butter nuzzled at her hand at the side of her bed. She offered him a tired smile and scratched at his snout as best as he could. 

“Mr. Egan? Mr. Butter?” The nurse from before stood back in the doorway. “It’s time for you both to transition to the waiting area.” Cass looked up at John to see tears beginning to form in his eyes. She whimpered at the thought of being separated. 

“I’m going to be right down the hall,” he murmured as he brought their combined hands to his lips. “And you,” his voice broke, “you are the most beautiful and bravest person I have ever met. I love being yours, Cass.” His lips peppered kisses down her arm as she leaned forward to embrace him. John could feel her own tears as her cheeks found the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

“I would do it all over again knowing we end up here. A thousand times over.”

“The first time I saw you was on an airfield in England. I was all bluster and bravado. The next time I see you, you’ll have our baby in your arms.” He knows for certain there would be no bluster and bravado about him then. 

“Thank you for not letting my stubbornness deter you back then,” she laughed as she pulled away and they each wiped at the other’s tears. 

“Thank you for not letting my stubbornness deter you once we made it out of there.” Oh how close Germany and the after had come to breaking them. But she did notice his choice of words. His choice to not say when we made it home. Because they had been each other’s home since the moment they held each other in a silent dance under the stars and the wing of a B-17. 

“I love you, John.”

“I love you, Cass.” 

To them, it was the simplest thing in the world.

----

Buck Cleven was going to run out of cash if John kept smoking the way he was. As he held the fresh pack of cigarettes out to his friend, he kept the grip tight around the box until John looked him in the eye.

“You might want to slow it down, Bucky. Don’t want your breath to light your baby’s hair on fire.” It earned him a scoff of a laugh but the lighter was flickering against the end of the paper regardless. 

“I need to do something. Can’t just be idle while my wife is down the hall having our baby.” The more he paced and the more he sipped at whiskey, the more his accent was shifting towards his beloved Yankees. Buck couldn’t help the smile on his face. Butter perked up where he was resting on one of the couches at the mention of his mother.

“You’ll see her soon, buddy,” Buck offered as he sat next to the hound and gave him belly rubs. 

“Having all the women at my wedding fawning all over you wasn’t enough. Now you’re getting Butter to go all googly eyed?” Butter was thoroughly enjoying the belly rubs. No matter who it was giving them.

“Keep wearing a hole in the carpet and leave us alone,” Buck chirped back. John smirked, the trademark tilt to his lips that insinuated a devilish authenticity to his oncoming words, but Buck noted the small tremor to his hands as they lit his next cigarette.

“Should it be taking this long?” he inquired to no one in particular. “The nurse hasn’t come by with an update in,” he checked his watch, “almost forty-five minutes.”

“I’m not an expert. I’m sure they’re just in the thick of it,” Buck mused as Butter rolled over and put his head under his hand. A silent request for scratches there.

“Mr. Egan?” His head whipped fast enough to make him dizzy, a nurse standing in scrubs. There was blood on them but John had been told it was to be expected. “Would you like to meet your daughter?” Daughter. The word focused his wandering brain and restless feet as he let it burrow directly to his heart. 

“Daughter? I’ve…a baby girl?” His lips were numb as he tried to form the words. Tried to form a coherent thought. Buck stood and grabbed his shoulder with a loving squeeze. 

“You’re a father,” he smiled, “you got a beautiful baby girl with your beautiful wife.” 

“I can meet her now?” John asked as he pressed his cigarette into the ashtray. 

“Let me show you to the nursery.” The two friends embraced with a laugh, Butter jumping and dancing between them as he sensed the joy in the room. 

“I’m so happy for you, Bucky. No one deserves to be happy more than you and Cass,” Buck said sincerely as he looked his friend in the eye. 

“I gotta go meet my little princess.” John turned to follow the nurse down the hall, “Stay there, Buck! You need to meet your niece!” Butter whimpered. 

“Don’t worry,” Buck bent down and pressed a kiss to his snout, “He’s just going to get your sister.” 

John stopped right in front of the big glass window that looked into the nursery. There were plenty of babies nestled into their little beds, some squirming and screaming. Some sleeping. Some looking around to try and figure out their new surroundings. His eyes scanned the names written on a piece of paper in front until he found it.

Penelope Frances Egan. 

Her head was covered in a little pink hat, her eyes open as she wailed into the air. She was clearly not happy to have been removed from the comfort of her mother’s womb and seemed to be demanding that she was brought back there immediately. He didn’t even have to look at the name tag to really confirm it was his daughter. Already the perfect blend of him and his wife. 

“Can I hold her? Bring her back to my wife?” A piece of John was gnawing at him. There was no way his wife would have let their daughter be taken from her this quickly. Not unless something was wrong. 

“You can hold your daughter in a recovery room but Mr. Egan…at this time I cannot let you see your wife.” It was the one thing that could have possibly tore his gaze from the bundle of pure love and innocence that he was already devoted to. “After your daughter was born, the doctor noticed another baby. Your wife was pregnant with twins.” Even his breathing stopped at the admission. Twins. Two little Egans were making their way into the world today. He was a father and Cass was a mother, twice over. 

There was a sense of panic that rose in his throat as he remembered they only had one crib and one rocking chair and one dresser but it was soothed by a sense of joy that came immediately after. They would find a way to make it work. To thrive in the chaos as they always had and always will. John had more than enough love in his heart to become a father of two today. More than enough. 

And then a scream ripped through the halls of the maternity ward. A blood curdling scream that locked his joints into place. Had his head turning towards the direction of the sound, the same direction of the room he had last seen his wife in. And it was then he knew. 

John began marching towards Cass’ room and paid no mind to the frantic calls of the nurse that began to follow after him. He would not allow his wife, his heart, his everything to face this battle alone. They had never done so before and they would not start now. 

----

Cass was having trouble catching her breath. Her hair was matted to her forehead and sweat was pooling in every dip and curve of her body. She remembers the elation at the sound of her daughter’s cries. Penelope. That was the name her and John had decided on in the event they had a baby girl. And Cass had smiled and cried and wished to hold her. She hadn’t even had the chance to get a good look at her when a sharp pain had pierced through the lower half of her body. 

“Mrs. Egan, Cassandra, I need you to stay with me.” 

“Penelope,” she groaned, her only focus being her daughter. Where was she? Was she okay? Why weren’t they allowing her to hold her daughter?

“You’ve been blessed with twins, Mrs. Egan,” a nurse said as the room began to spin for Cass. “Your second baby just isn’t in the right position.” But the doctors could already tell the baby, a boy, was smaller than his sister. That his coloring looked a little off. 

“My husband. I need my husband,” she cried as panic began to root itself in her chest. The doctor disappeared under her gown and before he had time to explain what he was doing, a scream ripped out of her mouth and made her throat ache once it was finished. Cass felt like she was about to throw up. The pushing and pulling between her legs coupled with the dizziness in her eyes was a sensation she hadn’t felt before. Not even at the hands of her German interrogators. 

“You need to keep your eyes open, Mrs. Egan,” the nurse ordered. She could hear someone yelling out in the hall. John. It sounded like John. 

“My fucking wife is in there!” He wasn’t just angry, he was furious. She focused on the sound of his voice as black was spotting across her vision. 

“John,” she whispered, barely, weakly, as blood continued to flow from her body. The door crashed open and bounced off the wall as John Egan stood in the doorway. He took up the whole space and white hot rage was radiating off of him until his eyes landed on her. His beautiful, precious wife. His reason for being. 

“Oh, Cass, baby,” he whimpered as he fell to his knees at her side. She sobbed at the sight of him, at the feeling of his lips on her face and his hands pushing her hair off her forehead.

“Penelope…is she…” 

“She’s good. She’s safe and healthy and wants to see you so bad.” Cass smiled as best she could and her head lolled to the side. She no longer possessed the strength to keep it steady. “Hey, Spook, come on. Keep those pretty eyes open for me, okay?” John cupped her cheek and used his thumb to stroke across her eyelids in an effort to get her to open them again. 

“So tired,” she mumbled, her eyes vacantly staring at the wall behind him. He tightened his grip on her hand and shook her face in his hand. 

“I’m right here with you, Cass. And we’ve got a baby daughter down the hall and another baby-”

“Boy,” she whispered as she tried to keep her eyes focused on the blues of his. John laughed around his tears.

“We got a baby girl and a baby boy to bring home with us. Everything we’ve ever wanted, Cass. Everything we’ve been dreaming about.” Her blinking was slowing and so was her breathing as a hush fell over the room. The doctor pulled the baby boy from between her legs and…he was silent. John felt sick as the small, pale little boy was rushed to the corner where doctors and nurses descended upon him. His son. That was his son. And something was wrong. 

“Gale,” she whispered before her head dropped and her grip in his hand went lax. 

“Cass? Cass!” It was John’s turn to scream as she lay lifeless in front of him, pressing to his feet and bringing his hands to her chest to begin compressions. “Come on, Cass, come on baby. Come back to me.” He heard a dog barking and then an arm wrapped around his chest and pulled. His elbows flew back and connected with the stomach of the security guard, John stumbling forward to try and resume his efforts. 

“Get this dog off of me!” If he looked back, he would have seen Butter growling with the arm of another guard clamped between his teeth. They were trying to stop John from saving his mom. He would not tolerate it. 

Before John could get his hands back on her, maybe for the last time, six arms wrapped around him to pull him back. 

“Get your fucking hands off of me! My wife…Cass! Cass, I love you. I love you. I love you,” he wept as they dragged him from the room. He was warped right back to that German forest. Watching her disappear as he was dragged into the enemies hands. Convinced that would be his last image of her. And now he was convinced of the same. That his last conversation with Cass would be about their children. The beacons of light and hope they had fought for every day. That the last pieces of their love would live on in those two babies. And-

A shrill cry echoed. His son. His baby boy. Gale Clarence Egan. 

John collapsed into a heap once they reached the waiting room, Buck held back from joining the fray by two security guards who released him. 

“Where’s Butter?” Buck questioned the guards as he landed on his knees by his friend. “Where’s their dog?” 

“He bit one of us,” the guard sneered. Buck stood and made sure he was chest to chest with the man who had spoken.

“You bring that dog to this room right now or I swear to God,” he threatened. Right now they all needed to be with family. Butter was family. And Cass would want them all to stay together and take care of each other. The guard held his stare for a heartbeat before relenting and disappearing down the hall. 

“Twins, Buck. I’ve got two babies,” John murmured as his friend helped him sit his back against the wall. “Gale and Penelope.” Buck’s heart skipped a beat at the sentiment but he didn’t dare ask about it. 

“I bet they’re the most beautiful babies in the world,” he whispered. A sob choked in John’s throat. 

“Cass…She…They wouldn’t let me hold her.” Tears flowed down his cheeks. “I didn’t get to say…” Goodbye. That was the word on the tip of his tongue. But saying it would mean it was real. That it was really the end of their story. At least he had the chance to tell her he loved her. And if those were the last words he ever got to say to his wife, his light, the breath in his lungs and the blood in his veins, he could be at peace with that. 

“She’s going to keep fighting, John. She’s got you and your two babies to fight for. Hell, she’s not going to leave Butter to suffer as the only sane one in your household.” 

“Where is Butter?” John asked, sitting up straighter and looking around for the bloodhound. “I need to make sure he’s okay-” He swears Butter was crying as he came bounding around the corner to the waiting room. The dog was whimpering and shivering as he collapsed onto John’s chest. John wrapped him in his arms and held him tight as his own tears fell onto his fur. “We’ll be okay, buddy. We’ll be okay.” 

“Gale? John? What’s going on?” Marge came running into the room, having expected happiness and cheering and celebration. Not her husband, his best friend and Butter to be crying on the floor. “Where’s Cass? Where’s the baby?” 

“Twins,” Buck answered, “Gale and Penelope.” Marge softened ever so slightly and squeezed his hand. She knew how much of an honor it was to him. “Cass had some complications. The doctors are working on her now.” The look in his eyes told her how serious it was. Told her it was something they could discuss later when they were alone. 

“Mr. Egan?” It wasn’t a nurse this time. They had sent a doctor. His scrubs were covered in blood, Cass’ blood, and he looked like he could pass out at any moment. “We managed to stop your wife’s bleeding. We put her to sleep to ease her pain but she’s going to make a full recovery.” John wanted to feel elation. To release the breath that he was holding in. But he couldn’t yet.

“And my son?” he asked tentatively. 

“He’s not as healthy as his sister, as we would like him to be. I can’t make any promises until we see how he does overnight.” 

“I need to see my daughter,” John answered resolutely. He stood and Butter sat at his feet loyally. When Cass woke up, he would need to be strong for her. Especially if their son’s health was in question. 

“Of course. I’ll have a nurse get you settled in a recovery room.” 

----

John sat in a chair by the window of the sterile, beige recovery room. He was trying not to hold his breath as he waited with Buck, Marge and Butter for the nurse to retrieve Penelope from the nursery. 

Even though the news about Cass had been positive, the lack of clarity on their son was causing an unsettling feeling to take root deeply inside of him. John knows he was not going to feel stable until every piece of his family was back in his arms where he could protect them. 

It was Marge’s gasp that shocked him from staring out the window.

“I’ve got a very special little delivery for you, Mr. Egan.” The nurse smiled as best she could with the melancholia that was sitting like a haze in the room. 

“Oh, John, look at her,” Marge whispered as Penelope was placed into his arms, Butter sniffing her gently with approval. He looked down at the sleeping bundle and couldn’t help the smile that cracked across his face. The tears that began to fill his eyes and trickle down his cheeks.

“Cass should be here. She should be the one holding her.” His lips pressed a gentle, tender kiss to the sliver of forehead that peaked out from under her pink hat. 

“Soon, John. Your whole little family will be together soon,” Buck murmured as he reached over to give Penelope’s foot a little shake.

“I love you so much, my little love,” John whispered to his daughter. “Your mommy does too. I promise we will love you every day. I promise.” Penelope scrunched her nose in her sleep before her eyes slowly opened, like it was a struggle for her to be roused from her slumber. John couldn’t blame her. He also hated when someone woke him up. 

“Hi, princess,” Marge cooed as the little girl blinked up at her father. “Are those some baby blues we are looking at, Lieutenant Colonel Egan?”

“Yeah. I think they are,” he laughed. Cass was going to be so happy when she found out. She had told John over and over again that she hoped their children had his eyes. It looks like she was going to get resolution for at least one of their kids. 

“They better be. I didn’t go through all that just to have my wish go unanswered.” Three heads snapped to the doorway and one furry body came running over but stopped right in front of his mother. As if he knew why she was in a wheelchair. Why there were circles under her eyes and an IV taped to her arm and wheeled next to her. 

“Cass?” John asked as if he didn’t believe she was really right there in front of him. His lip wobbled as he stood and walked towards her, Cass’ choking back a sob behind the palm of her hand as he bent down to put their baby in her arms. “You scared me, Spook,” he admitted as Cass held Penelope close to her chest and traced her nose across her baby soft cheek. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I-” John kissed her temple and wrapped his arm under Penelope so he could hold both of them as best he could. “Where’s Gale? Where’s our son?” Cass’ head whipped around as she looked for her baby boy. She had lost consciousness before even hearing his cry. She needed to know he was okay. She needed her baby boy safe and in her arms.

“The doctors said we can’t see him yet. That he is going to need to spend the night with some special attention and we will know more in the morning.” He noticed the slight tremor to her hand as she kissed Penelope's forehead three times. 

“I failed him. I should have known I had two babies, John. How did I not know they were both there? How did I not know that something was wrong and he needed me?” Cass held her tears in as best as she could, John pressing kisses to her shoulder.

“You did not fail him. You provided for him these past months and you fought to get him here. You almost…” he paused to steady his voice. “You almost gave your life to make sure he got to experience all this world has to offer. How could that ever be considered a failure, my love?” Penelope stirred gently and opened her eyes, Cass making eye contact with her daughter for the first time. 

“Hi, my princess. You’re so beautiful and perfect,” she cooed at the little baby. She felt a soft hand on her shoulder and looked to see Marge, the woman who had practically become her sister.

“She is perfect, Cass. And so is little Gale, I just know it.” Cass nodded with a thankful smile, Butter licking at her knee and John standing up to help wheel her towards the bed. 

“Sorry for the surprise on the name. If it makes you uncomfortable, Buck, we can change  it.” 

“Nothing could make me happier,” he promised with a gentle hand on her knee. “I love you both like you’re my blood. I love all four of you like you’re my blood.”

“Thank you for being here. It means everything to us.” Cass leaned forward so Buck could plant a kiss to the top of her head before he rose to stand next to his wife. 

“We’ll come by with a change of clothes and some food for you in the morning,” Marge said. John lifted Penelope from his wife’s arms and Marge held her as he and Buck helped Cass into the bed. John fluffed the pillows behind her back the way he knew she liked, or as best he could with the quality. 

“How’s that, Spook?” he asked.

“As good as it will get. Just need some baby and husband cuddles.”

“I’ll be back in just a second, okay?” She nodded, John pecking her lips before he guided Buck out of the room by the elbow. “I need a favor from you if I’m allowed to ask for one after all you’ve already done for us today.”

“Anything, Bucky, you know that.” John took out his wallet and began to count through the bills. 

“We only got one cradle. They can probably both fit in it but-”

“I’ll make sure a fully built cradle finds its way into your house, Bucky. Promise.” He breathed a sigh of relief at his best friend’s words. He already felt like some kind of deadbeat for only buying one of everything. He wasn’t starting on the best foot. 

“When we agreed to be by each other’s side back in those bunk beds…Is this how you pictured it?”

“The details might be a little different, John, but we made it through the worst to be right where we are. We’re married to women so out of our leagues it's not even funny. You’ve got two little babies you are going to take home and care for and cherish the way people write novels about. And the journey to get here is not as easy as we deserve but we are here. And we have to be thankful for that, yeah?”

“I’ll feel better when my son is in my arms,” John answered, his swallow snagging on the lump in his throat. “I can be thankful that my wife is okay and my daughter is healthy but I can’t…can’t truly be thankful for it all until he’s with us.” He didn’t quite know the words to describe the feeling. The gaping hole in his chest that could only be filled by his son. 

John’s capacity for love had grown when he’d first met Cass. And had grown steadily every day that she had been in his life. Had skyrocketed at the revelation she was expecting and then expanded further until he thought he was going to burst if their child didn’t arrive soon. For just that one split second of seeing his daughter, he thought the final puzzle piece of his life was being placed. But then he had learned of Gale Egan and the hole in his chest was ripped wide open. Vacant and depthless all over again. Only one would be able to fill it. 

----

Neither of them slept that night. They had refused to let the nurses bring Penelope to another room, not wanting to let the little princess out of their sight. They were both assured that no news was good news when it came to Gale and that a doctor would be by first thing in the morning to let them know how the night went. It was pure agony to be left in the ether of not knowing. 

Penelope distracted them well enough through the night. The little girl was of course tired from the ordeal she had experienced but it hadn’t stopped her from testing her lungs throughout the night. She was easily soothed in the arms of her parents and for that they were endlessly grateful. They had heard horror stories of nighttime with a newborn. They hadn’t even let themselves think about the fact that they would be bringing home two. 

Butter had been ever vigilant at Cass’ side. His eyes never left her as if he was afraid she would disappear again. As if he would have to endure the sounds of her agony and the smell of her blood again. He had given Penelope an approving sniff and licked her cheek at some point in the night to calm her cries. It had worked. 

“Why don’t you close your eyes for a little bit, baby?” John whispered as the sun began to poke over the horizon and Penelope was contentedly rocking in his arms. 

“I can’t. What if something happens?” she asked even as her eyes were fluttering closed and staying that way for longer and longer periods of time. But she was so afraid she would miss news, any news, of her son if she allowed herself to drift to sleep. Butter was attempting to use his snout to tuck the blankets closer into her body. Even he could tell that she was in desperate need of some sleep. 

“I’ll wake you. Promise.” Penelope yawned gently in his arms before snuggling back into her peaceful sleep. A gentle snore answered him back. 

Cass managed to sneak in a couple hours of sleep before the sounds of footsteps approaching the room roused her. John was still holding their daughter but had found some comfort in the armchair at the foot of her bed. She took the moment before the doctors entered to just admire him. The way his curls were pulled in every direction and were as unruly as she had ever seen them. The tired droop of his eyes that were looking at the little, pink bundle like she was the only thing that had ever existed. His hands, that had always brought her such comfort, were now doing the same for their daughter. 

The best gift she could ever give her children was John Egan as their father. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Egan? This is Dr. Light, he’s in charge of the special unit where your son has been resting.” Cass sat up straighter in bed, John gently placing Penelope in her cradle. He reached for his wife’s hand and Butter went to sit by Penelope to make sure she would be protected. 

“Gale,” Cass said confidently, “Our son’s name is Gale.” John looked down at her with a smile on his face. She had that spark back in her eyes that had been missing after the turmoil of yesterday. It said she was ready to fight, to go to the mat for her children and use whatever she could at her disposal to ensure her family would be together and happy and healthy. It was the Cass he had first rested his eyes on back in England. The one he had fallen in love with almost instantaneously. A fire in her soul that had spurned him into unlocking a piece of his own that he hadn’t realized he was missing. 

“We had Gale under close observation all night and he made it through.” Her hand still tightened around John’s. It was a step in the right direction but there were still many more to take. “I am confident that you will be able to bring your baby boy home with you tomorrow.” Cass let out a whimper and John leaned down to kiss her forehead. 

“Can he…Is he…Is it safe for him to come and be with us?” John asked carefully. 

“Or we’ll go to him,” Cass chimed in quickly, “Please. We just want to be together as a family.” There was hope blazing in her eyes. John felt his own fire licking up his spine. The urge to protect and defend his wife and his family. He focused on the feeling of her hands in his; strong and sure and warm and present. She was here. They both were. They were going to get to the other side of this. 

Butter, himself, gave a little whine as if he was pleading for the group to be together. 

“I thought you might ask that,” Dr. Light smiled and stepped to the side as the nurse wheeled in a cradle similar to the one Penelope was currently resting in, a blue banket snugly wrapped around their son. 

Cass let go of John’s hand with a gasp and swung her legs over the bed, meeting the cradle with a sob and bringing a shaking hand to the cheek of her baby boy. 

“Oh, my sweet, baby boy,” she cried, “I’m so happy to see you. I love you so much and I am so sorry I didn’t take better care of you.” She knows John had said it wasn’t her fault and a piece of her knew there was nothing more that could be done but she would never be able to shake the blame. At least not for a long while. 

She lifted Gale to her chest and rocked him gently as tears streamed down her face. He was here and he was perfect. Just like his sister. “He’s a fighter,” John mused with his own tears in his eyes as he stood behind Cass and rested his arm underneath hers to cradle their baby boy together. “Everyday he will get stronger.” Maybe his coloring was still slightly off and his cheeks weren’t as round as the little girl that was sleeping to their side but they were going to be able to bring him home. They wouldn’t have left here without him.

“Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We always will,” she cooed before sitting back down on the bed with Gale. Butter trotted over, his front paws on the bed as he stood to get a better look at the new creature that had entered the room. “Say hello to the little prince, baby.” Cass shifted so Butter could view him fully. His nose ran up and down the tiny body before pressing against his cheek for a bop of extra love. Butter dropped back down to the floor and situated himself perfectly in the center of the two babies. Their loyal guardian. 

John lifted Penelope to his chest and settled on the bed next to Cass. Something locked into place. Something perfect and pristine and right. Something final. 

“How’s it feel, Spook?” She looked up at him with a smile. Fulfillment. Victory. Actualization. A tease of the happily ever after she had fought a war for. 

“It feels like All The Things I Did were to get me here. Get us here. Right to this moment.”

“All the things we did, Cass, I’d do them all over again.” Those things flitted around their minds like a movie. 

“You’d fall in love with a spook on an airfield in England?” Knowing the push and the pull and the give and the take and the endless tug on his heart? John kissed the top of her head.

“My only regret is I didn’t do it sooner.”

[singxfus]

@call-2-arms

It is the ache that persists between her thighs that wakes her. As she struggles to sit up, she feels a hand upon her shoulder, gently easing her back against the pillows. Opening her eyes, it is the face of the kindly old maester that she sees. In an instant, the memories somewhat return to her.

The agony had came to her in the dead of night. It had been like nothing she had ever felt before- she would have gladly relived Biter shattering her arm over and over if it meant she could escape the pains that ripped through her then.

The maester tells her she had laboured for near three days, almost meeting the Stranger more than once before the squalling babe had finally arrived. Brienne’s consciousness had been so addled by milk of the poppy that she scarcely recalled much of the actual birth. And the last thing she could recall before giving in to blackness was the warmth of the child as it was laid upon her chest.

It is then that the door opens and sapphires land upon her husband. Instantly, tears fill her eyes. The babe was not in his arms.

“Jaime…”

@call-2-arms

Sapphires search emeralds for any sign of rage, almost desperately, as he steps closer to her. The babe seemed to have sucked all resilience from her, leaving her fearful of near everything- was this how a woman ought to feel? She did not know.

Heart pounds in her chest, but it eases the moment his hand rests upon her cheek, as though restoring at least some of her strength. And there was a smile upon his lips, one which eased her discomfort even more so.

“I…I’ve known for two moons…” she answers, hoping her confession does not provoke him to anger. “The maester believes me to be five moons now…”

She feels the babe shift within her belly, a sensation that had frightened her when she first felt it a moon ago, but one which brings her comfort now. Slowly, she takes Jaime’s hand, presses it to the swell where the babe is nudging.

“I could not bring myself to tell you…” she whispers and in that moment, the tears return unbidden. “I feared you would flee…and I fear I will not survive this…just like my mother before me…”

[mortalfaerie]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡

Chapter Two: Draw No Blade, Spill No Blood

Cregan Stark x (Strong)Velaryon! OC

Celaena Velaryon is the younger twin of Jacaerys by minutes. When war comes, she is sent to Winterfell to ensure House Stark's loyalty. In return, Cregan Stark only wants one thing: Celaena to be his wife.

tw: graphic depictions of traumatic childbirth/miscarriage, stillbirth (visenya)

Celaena was predictable. Each day in the afternoon, she took to the skies to fly with Seasmoke alone - for hours even, if the weather allowed for it. On that fateful day, the clouds had finally parted after days to allow her to soar as long and as far as she desired, and she wasted not a minute of daylight. Returning to the cliffside by the castle, her hair was windswept from its braid and her cheeks were whipped red from the breeze. She stood, smoothing her hand over her dragon’s scaled flank and telling him praises in High Valyrian, when her younger brother ran to her, his face as grim as she had ever seen him.

“Lucerys,” she greeted, her stomach twisting as she saw his expression. “What is it? What’s happened?”

“Our grandsire, the king, is dead,” he said, panting. “Mother went into labor when she learned the news,” he managed to get out.

“No.” Was all she could say in response. It was too soon, much too soon - and grabbing the lengths of her riding cloak in hand, she tore off down the expanse to the keep.

She skidded into the great hall on the stone floors, where her stepfather was hearing reports from the kingsguard who had brought the news. From her chamber, her mother screamed in pain and called out for her husband. He was heedless to her pleas, and with gritted teeth, Celaena climbed the stairs two at a time until she reached the landing before her mother’s chamber. A guard tried to deny her entry but she shoved past him and through the doors.

Inside, her mother wailed, clutching at the postbeam of her bed. Her ladies and midwives pleaded with her to let them help, but she swatted each of them off of her as they tried.

“Mother!” Celaena cried out, sounding choked. Her mother looked at her for just a moment before crying out again in pain.

“Princess,” Elinda Massey came to Celaena’s side, pleading. “She won’t allow anyone to touch her, but she needs help. The babe is coming too soon, she must submit to care.”

The plea was implicit, and Celaena nodded. Slowly, as though approaching a wild animal, she walked towards her mother.

“Lady mother - your grace,” she said softly, coming to stand several feet away from her at the other postbeam. She grasped it, just as her mother did, and tried to speak gently to her.

“Please, please, mother,” she said, her heart in her throat as she watched her mother strain and gasp. “Let us help. Let me help. Please,” she asked.

“No!” Rhaenyra ground out, her knees buckling beneath her. Celaena went to her side, shouldering her weight.

“Don’t touch me,” the princess-turned-queen wailed brokenly, but she could not remove her weight from her daughter’s support, she had not enough strength.

“Mother, please,” Celaena croaked. “Please, please, you know I will not leave you. Beseech me not to, please, and let these ladies help you.”

“They will kill me,” Rhaenyra insisted, “They will have me dead, just as my father.”

“Nobody!” Celaena insisted. “Nobody will hurt you, this is Dragonstone, you are safe!”

“I am alone,” Her mother sobbed. Celaena met the eyes of Elinda Massey and her other ladies and conveyed with a jerk of her head to approach slowly.

“Mother,” she said gently, “Please, we must get you into bed. Let me help,” she persisted.

Rhaenyra cried but nodded weakly, and the other ladies came to her side. With much effort, they got her into the bed. The midwives said that it wouldn’t be long, and did what they could to calm her. They offered her milk of the poppy but she bitterly refused, and only clutched at Celaena’s hand as the pains came more and more frequently.

At last, the babe came free into the midwife’s arms, but no cry of life came from her. The queen turned her face and wept into the pillow, and Celaena clutched her close. Gently, Elinda came to her lady’s side.

“It was a girl, your grace.” She said, smoothing back Rhaenyra’s hair. Celaena could feel her tears spill over - a sister. She would have had a sister. Her mother had told her before, sitting before the fire at night, that they wanted to call her Visenya.

Rhaenyra wept. Elinda spoke gently to her, assuring her that they did all they could, that it couldn’t have been helped, as Celaena climbed into the bed beside her, clutching her mother like a child. The midwives moved quietly, taking away the bloodied sheets and swaddling the silent child. They placed her on a pillow at the side table, as the new queen began to quiet in her sobs. When the midwives left the room out of respect, only Elinda and Celaena flanked her.

Elinda had been the most recent lady-in-waiting Rhaenyra had taken on and had joined them on Dragonstone after she wed Daemon. She was a loyal and dedicated supporter of her queen and wept along with her and the queen’s eldest daughter at the sudden turn of events. They sat in silence together, huddled like children, until at last, Rhaenyra’s breathing levelled into an exhausted sleep.

Gradually, Celaena shifted her mother’s frame to her lady. “I must tell the family,” she said quietly, and Elinda nodded.

“I will be with her if she wakes.” The older woman assured her.

Celaena left the room in silence and proceeded down the hall. At the upper landing of the stairs, Lucerys sat and Jacaerys paced. When they saw her, she made to speak but felt her face fall. Her twin caught her in an embrace before she could cry again, and held her close.

“The baby didn’t survive.” He stated more than asked. Celaena shook her head against his shoulder, and he smoothed her hair back. “It’s alright. It’s alright. You did what you could, Celaena.” he insisted. She heard Luke stand and felt him hug her too, and the three of them - the un-innocent three of them, the three bastards guilty of maiming their uncle, the three who bore the weight of their existence - clutched each other.

When finally Celaena pulled back, she said, “Let’s go down. They need to know.”

In silence, they went down the staircase together and into the great hall, where Daemon stood pouring over maps. He nodded for the soldiers to leave the room upon seeing them. Jacaerys squeezed Celaena’s hand, and she spoke.

“Mother is asleep now. The babe didn’t make it,” she drew in a sharp breath. “A girl.”

Stoicly, Daemon nodded. He was a man not prone to outward shows of emotion, but his anguish was evident in the way he looked away from them for a moment, composing himself. When he faced them again, he said, “She should sleep for now. She will need her strength for what comes next.”

It was dawn when they took the bundled and silent body of their would-be sister to the courtyard of the keep, where Syrax waited for her rider. Anxiously, the golden dragon shifted her weight from clawed foot to clawed foot, until she saw Rhaenyra approach leaning on her husband’s arm. The beast nosed at Rhaenyra, mussing her hair and whining her high-pitched noise, until Rhaenyra looked up at her and spoke a few words in High Valyrian. They committed Visenya to a dragon rider’s burial and mixed her ashes with those that came before her, and then they went inside to plan their war.

At noon, Rhaenyra summoned her eldest three children to the cliffside. Dressed formally in the colors of House Targaryen and prepared for flight, they stood before her with bowed heads, as befit vassals to their queen. With a slight smile and reminder of that though she had come into her crown, she was still their mother, she spoke.

“It is imperative, at this stage, to ensure the alliances we count on. But, know that in sending you to carry out these tasks, I am sending you as emissaries only.” She said meaningfully.

Luke looked up, seeming to want to argue but thought better of it. Rhaenyra nodded and produced a copy of the Seven Pointed Star from her pockets, and held it out before her.

“Before I give you your work, swear upon this holy book that you will draw no blade in carrying this out, and you will spill no blood in my name.” She instructed.

The three exchanged looks and then stepped forward, one after the other, and uttered statements of “I swear to the Seven-who-are-one, that I will draw no blade and spill no blood in the name of Queen Rhaenyra.”

Satisfied and setting aside the tome, she produced two scrolls. Placing the first one in Luke’s hands, she explained, “Lucerys. I entrust you with this message to deliver to Borros Baratheon. You may remind him of our kinship, as he is kinsman to your grandmother, Rhaenys.”

Lucerys nodded, and Rhaenyra turned to Celaena. “Celaena. I am sending you to the north, to Winterfell, to speak with Cregan Stark and deliver this message. He is closer in age to you than I and is said to be an honorable man. I have never known of a Stark who did not uphold a vow, but nevertheless, House Stark is a crucial ally.”

Celaena accepted the scroll and nodded deferentially to her mother. To Jacaerys, Rhaenyra spoke next.

“Jacaerys. As I am now Queen, you have become in my stead the Prince of Dragonstone, my heir.” She said and took his hands in a motherly gesture. “To you, I give the all-important task of managing this domain. Go to the towns, and speak to the people. Gain their favor. It will be crucial if we ever need, gods forbid, to defend this island.” Though evidently he would have preferred adventure, he nodded his assent to her. “As you wish, your grace,” he replied.

They walked to their dragons, a family unit, as Rhaenyra saw them mount and prepare to leave. Lucerys, and then Jacaerys took to the skies before Celaena mounted Seasmoke. Rhaenyra rested her palm on Seasmoke’s flank and spoke to her daughter again.

“Celaena, my dear. The north holds a significant army, which would be an asset to our cause. If you are confronted with a request that is in your power to grant, I discharge you to do it. Even betrothals are allowed to this end.” She said.

Celaena nodded slowly. “Including my own?” she asked.

Rhaenyra nodded. “Including your own,” she answered. They regarded eachother for a moment before Rhaenyra added, “Be safe, my daughter.”

They parted like that, and for the second time in two days, Celaena took to the skies atop Seasmoke, disappearing into the gathering storm.

[imaginaryberries]

TW childbirth - not detailed and most importantly not traumatic!!!

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.

.

I had an elective section under general anaesthetic and it could not have been more different from Leo's birth. I did feel quite grim for a few hours after coming round but I've managed to get up and walk over to the chair and into the bathroom and stuff now so I'm super chuffed about that. Haven't cracked breastfeeding yet but wasn't really feeling well enough anyway for most of the day and I feel pretty optimistic about it. Gave it another go just there but bebe is too sleepy at the moment. I didn't feel a wild rush of emotion when I met him, but I didn't expect to, and I definitely feel more of an immediate connection this time (sorry Leo, I adore you and it wasn't your fault lol). I'm tired but not 40+ hours of excruciating contractions every two minutes tired. I was holding him for a while there and didn't feel a visceral need to put him down. I feel..... good?? 🥰

[qceensofkings]

Isabelle can just barely make out the whispers of the crowd around her and she feels an odd sensation in her abdomen. She winces as she tries to shift, attempting to get just a little more comfortable when a jolt of pain rushes her and she gasps. She wants to tell them that it's not the King's child she carries but she can't. If anyone knew that she had carried another man's child, there would be people calling for her to be put to the sword and her child too if either of them survived childbirth.

She's not even remotely aware of the terror that's taken to the skies of the kingdom. She thinks that she must be out of her senses whenever someone mentions a dragon. As if they could be real, let alone one randomly using the kingdom as its hunting grounds.

She's not sure what triggers the labor but it is easily one of the worst pains she's ever felt. Worse than any period she's ever had as her body adjusts to birth a mini human. She can't remember ever wishing for death so terribly in her life, surrounded by people who want to kill her child and who have abducted her from her own bed chambers.

She's in and out of consciousness shortly after delivery, dehydrated and weak. She looks sickly - pale and sweaty. Her body aches as she fights to stay awake but she does not hear her child's cries, doesn't feel the weight of him in her arms and she just barely makes out the words of someone trying to explain to her that her child did not make it.

Her eyes struggle to stay open and for a moment she thinks she must be delusional because she suddenly hears her husband's voice. "Mav..." She breathes, wanting someone she's familiar with near her, even if it has to be him.

Isabelle does everything in her power to remain away from her husband outside of social functions. In public, she puts on her meager and innocent act of a wife subservient to her husband but when no one is watching them, she makes it clear she wants nothing to do with him. No point in attempting to mend a relationship with a heartless man who has no other purpose for her than to taunt and torment her.

As her belly grows, she starts to dread the idea of what will happen when she gives birth. She doesn’t doubt for a moment that he won’t stay true to his word and strip her of her child once it is born. It puts her in a rather depressive state whenever she thinks about it too much.

Late one night, she’s startled awake by something. And all hell breaks loose shortly after. She’s hardly a match for anyone in such a vulnerable state, in her nightgown and still progressively becoming heavily pregnant.

When she comes to, she’s met with the sight of someone looming over her but she’s hardly conscious enough to even begin processing anything that’s happening.

[elementclangen]

Moon 330-Leaf-fall

Aries (96) and Sofanthiel (119) have had their kits!  Sofanthiel felt the need to go away from the Clan to have her kits and did so secretly.  The birth was stressful and she lost a lot of blood. Sofanthiel had two kits and their other parent is unknown, although there are rumors that they’re half-Clan.  One of the kits, Gravelkit (0), is powerless like her mom.  The other, Ryekit (0), is dark-cursed.  Maybe Sofanthiel suspected that one of her kits would be dark-cursed and that’s why she felt the need to have them in secret.  She knows that Dawnstar (114) would accept Ryekit, but she’s worried about the rest of the Clan.  She’s heard stories about the struggles that Dawnstar and Bluestripe (105) faced as kits and doesn’t want her kit to have to go through that.  She decides to keep his powers a secret.  With hiding a dark-cursed kit, Sofanthiel is stressed.  Dapplemuzzle brought up how glad she is to be proven, and Sofanthiel worried that it was a jab at her keeping Ryekit’s magic a secret.  She snaps at Dapplemuzzle (27).  Hopcurl (48) is also feeling a little suspicious of Ryekit, who Sofanthiel is trying to pass off as powerless.  Xey think  that he’s been messing up the bedding in the nursery.  In reality, his magic has been draining the fresh stalks and Sofanthiel has been hiding it.  Hopcurl tries to bring his behavior up to him, but Sofanthiel distracts xem with something else. Aries had three kits and Hopcurl bets that they’re half-Clan.  Xey know that Aries has been spending a lot of time around StumpyClan, lately.  Two of the kits are earth-blessed, which Bumble (107) is grateful for; he needs some help around the healer’s den.  The noisy Tansykit (0) inherited Aries’ weakness in her earth-blessing, but Blizzardkit’s (0) earth-blessing is surprisingly powerful.  He’s already making a wall of thorns around the nest to keep other cats out.  The third kit, Aspenkit (0), inherited his mother’s water-blessing, although it’s much stronger than hers. Still not super powerful, but powerful enough that the nursery is damp.  Kestrelcreek (119) has been feeling her age lately, and has decided to join the Elder’s den.  She’s seen a lot in her life and is ready to retire.  In other news, Longpelt (44) has come out as a trans tom!  Go him!  Kestrelcreek shares some stories about her brother, Tumbleswoop, who was also trans.  It’s nice to talk about him.  Hatchswipe (75) has noticed that Flailvalley (22) is stressed and chats quietly with him while they’re on camp guard duty.

Healer’s den: Flailvalley (mangled tail), Aries (recovering from birth), Sofanthiel (recovering from birth, blood loss, shock)

[fortisxo]

The Calm Before The Storm - 1319

TW: Traumatic Birth and Child Death

The Winter wind seeped through the windows in the quiet cottage, nestled in the East of Hanford-On-Bagley. Annota, heavily pregnant, kneeling on the floor of her master bedroom clinging onto the tattered duvet that laid across her bed. Trying to contain her bloodcurdling scream as labour pains wracked her body. Annota’s stepdaughter, Celestina, rushed in to check on her.

“Mama, are you alright?” Celestina muttered with a soft voice.

“GET OUT! YOU ARE TOO YOUNG CHILD!” Annotas voice breaks as she sends the 13-year-old away.

“Me and Soren will fetch pa, he is at the market not too far from here. I’ll be quick!” Her voice becomes distant as she runs through the cottage dashing towards the front door.

Clutching her stomach, Annota’s breaths came in ragged gasps. Her husband, Ryden, hasn’t been home for a few hours. She has been through this before, how hard could it be? With no midwife to assist her and no family nearby, Annota was left to face the trials of childbirth alone. The fire in the hearth became weak, casting shadows within the bedroom which were more accentuated than before.

At this moment in time Annota found the pain relentless, each contraction getting harder to breathe through. She thought back to the last time she went through childbirth, which ended in tragedy, those same thoughts raced through her mind. What if she doesn’t make it? What if the babe doesn’t make it?

Hours have passed, with no sign of Ryden, Celestina or Soren, her cries echoed through the empty cottage unheard by any but the farm animals in the yard. She felt the first babe’s head, slippery as a freshly caught fish, trying to carefully hold the infant while pushing it out of the birth canal. Struggling with the last push, Annota tries to adjust herself to a more comfortable position and suddenly loses grip of the babe’s head. The infant falls to the floor, hitting the cracked wooden floor with its head.

“No… NO!” Annota screams in agony.

She picks up the limp, lifeless infant from the planks. No cry was heard and no sign of life was seen. The mother shakes the infant to try and wake it, but to no avail. She cradles the infant, a boy, in her trembling arms.

“Vermithor…” Annota sobbed, with tears running down her hot and rosey cheeks.

The mother barely had time to grieve her newborn before a rush of another contraction swept her body. Exhausted and weak, Annota gathered the strength she had left to deliver the second child. She carefully placed Vermithor’s cold body onto the bed and began to push again.

Second birth was even more exhausting than the first. In and out of consciousness, vision blurred, Annota let out yet another screech. The same routine as before, she opened her palms below her pelvis to catch the second babe. However, the infant was positioned wrong and was exiting feet first. The mother’s thoughts became dark, exhausted and without knowing what to do. She tugged and pulled on the child’s legs gently, trying to help the infant escape. With one final push, she grabbed the babe and gently raised it towards her chest. Again, no cry was heard and the body limp, Annota noticed the umbilical cord wrapped around the child’s neck.

“Please, cry. Please” she whispered while untying the cord to yet another boy.

Annota sat there for a second, before lowering the newborn to her thighs. The room was silent, except for the crackling coals in the hearth. The only sound that Annota could produce was a painful scream as she looked upon her lifeless infants.

“Valarys & Vermithor” She pleaded softly.

Sorrow mingled in Annota’s heart, she laid both of the boys down on the tattered duvet to admire them. Kneeling, she places both hands on their tiny bodies praying for them to have a better afterlife. The slam of the front door echoed across the silent cottage, with thudding footsteps to follow. Ryden, Celestina and Soren finally came back in haste.

“You two, stay here, do not come in” Ryden commanded with a hoarse voice, while simultaneously walking into the master bedroom.

His face turned from smile to shock as he took in the scene of his wife and his two infant sons, who were both completely pale and still. The atmosphere felt heavy, even hard to breathe. Annota turned to her husband with tears running across her face.

“They didn’t make it… your boys didn’t make it, I tried so hard” she whales in desperation still holding onto hope that one of them would let out a cry.

Ryden walks over to his wife, kneeling to the floor where she was, shushing her. He moved closer, moving her blonde strands of her out of her face and brushed his fingers across her back.

“It’s okay, I’m here for you. Let’s give them the proper burial that they deserve. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you.” Ryden whispers in her ear, while caressing her hair.

“Okay, let me gather myself and we can go.” She whimpered back to him.

[berryflavouredkoolaid]

Dr. Vivienne Carlisle - Greys Anatomy OC

TW: death of a family member, child abuse

Face Claim: Anne Hathaway

Born: June 2nd, 1979 in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Personality: open, friendly, resilient, determined, vulnerable, loyal, independent, forgiving, she often chooses to see the best in people, tends to overthink, compassionate, understanding and she tends to bottle up her negative emotions and suppress them.

Family:

Julia Carlisle (neé Stewart) (D. 1979) (Mother)

James Carlisle (D. 2014) (Father)

Nicholas ‘Nicky’ Carlisle (D. 1990) (Brother)

Maura Stewart (Aunt)

Natalia Carlisle-Karev (Daughter)

Associates:

Alex Karev (Husband)

Meredith Grey (Close Friend)

Isabel Stevens (Best Friend)

Cristina Yang (Close Friend)

Addison Montgomery (Mentor/Friend)

Backstory:

Born June 2nd, 1979, when Vivienne was only hours old, her mother passed of severe uterine hemorrhaging as a result of traumatic childbirth.

Vivienne’s father, a well-known mystery novelist was left to care for baby Vivienne and her elder brother. James struggled to care for or even look at Vivienne, seeing her as a constant reminder of his beloved wife’s death. He remained close with his son, however.

When Vivienne was 11, her brother, Nicky, suffered from septic shock following an appendectomy. He passes away soon after, leaving vivienne and her father the only ones remaining. The death of his son broke James. He became volatile and abusive, belittling or ignoring Vivienne often.

Following her graduation, Vivienne was able to leave her father’s house, moving to Boston to attend Harvard. She lived with her Aunt, who she is close to and studied Biochemistry. She then completed medical school at Harvard.

At 26, she entered Seattle Grace’s internship program. She was placed alongside Meredith Grey, Cristina Yang, George O’Malley and, later, Alex Karev.

Likes:

kids and babies

dogs

sour candies

skiing and winter sports

winter in general

fountain pens

the colour red

thai food

romantic comedies

slasher movies

Dislikes:

hot weather

white chocolate

black coffee

smokers

mystery novels

psychological horrors

citrus fruit

soda

Quotes:

“I’m gonna steal Shepherd’s wife. I’m deeply in love with her. it’s a passionate love affair.”

“Life is a series of moments, some beautiful, some painful. It’s how we navigate them that defines who we are.”

“Medicine isn’t just a career; it’s a calling. It’s about making a difference, one life at a time.”

“Scars are just reminders of where we’ve been, not where we’re going.”

“I left because I needed to heal, but I came back because I realized I belong here, with you.”

{i know the greys anatomy fandom is so dead but i wanted to put my girl viv out there!}

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

parent neil au

tw for rape/non con, violence, physical and sexual abuse, referenced character death (mary), blood, slight transphobia, childbirth, angst ig

none of it is graphic though, like this is just a rough idea of something I'd love to write but dont have time to, so i might as well write this down and who knows maybe someone likes it as unpolished as it is lol

with trans neil, where it goes roughly the same timeline as precanon, with mary dying roughly a year before neil is scouted by wymack

but this time, millport isn't as kind, bc neil isn't traumatized enough for me lol

instead, neil, afab who begins presenting as a guy after mary dies, thinks he's safe in millport until he gets hurt during a game and has to visit the school nurse to get his knee checked out

as it turns out the school nurse is nothing but a predator pos who takes what he wants from young teenagers whom he takes consent away from by drugging them

neil is one of those unfortunate kids

but he's neil, so he just pretends that he wasn't raped, pretends that he doesn't feel humiliated and violated, pretends that it didn't hurt, pretends that the panic didn't happen, pretends that it isn’t a big deal and pretends that he doesn't care that the nurse knows he's trans either and simply avoids the man at all costs

(bc that might have happened, but millport is safe, he has access to education and exy, and he mostly has a warm bed place to stay most nights, and a place to shower every day, and fucking hell he has hernandez, who has no idea of what kind of shit neil is in but he's there to support him and it means more to neil than he wants to admit it does)

so he pretends nothing is wrong, bc nothing is wrong

he doesn't face that damned nurse again for the rest of the school year

he gets scouted by the foxes

as much as his future seems short, it doesn't seem horrible

up to the day of his graduation, he gets too comfortable, too soft, too hopeful

he doesn't notice the nurse following him to the house he's squatting in for him to stay one last night

mary would beat him, when she found out his son got raped again, in a dark and dirty alley bc he didn't take notice of his surroundings enough to realize he was being followed

he gets raped and he gets told its a parting gift and he despises him and he despises men and he despises everything

(most of all he despises himself, for not paying attention, for not being able to fight back before he's drugged, for not being able to fight back being drugged)

he's left alone in the dark and the dirt and as soon as he can move he goes to the place he called home, packs his duffel and stays the night in a motel

(more bc so he can shower is a motel, he can wash away the blood and the evidence that anything happened, bc for him to survive and move on he has to pretend nothing happened, and if he loses track of time while hes showering well there's no one left to care for him.

and if he thinks just for a moment that filling up the tub and lying underwater for too long would just be easier, well there's no one who has to know.

and if he doesn't get a second of sleep that night either well... no one has to know)

he packs it up in a box and he shoves it as far as he can inside his mind and makes himself forget that nothing every happened

even if he has nightmares about hands and unwanted touches and pain

even if he can't stand living in the same appartment as wymack and he can't fucking sleep bc he doesn't feel safe

even if he can't fucking trust abby without fearing for the worst

even if this time being drugged at edens is a million times worse, and he panics so bad he passes out before he has time to find someone to knock him out, bc he's been drugges twice, and both times the pain and humiliation were worse than death and he can't bear to go through it again, and being kissed by nicky just makes everything worse so much fucking worse and he panics and he has no idea of what he says, but somehow andrew understands

(maybe smth like, "please not again, please dont hurt me, I'll do whatever you want just dont f- don't do it, please dont")

the rest of the story goes pretty much the same,

with the twist that neil is pregnant, he just doesn't know that

some people have what is called a cryptic pregnancy, in which mostly bc the uterus is tipped backwards, they dont develop much of a baby bump in the entirety of the pregnancy, and some people may or may not present pregnancy symptoms, or they may have spotting that lets them believe they still get their period, and yeah they never really find out they're pregnant right until very late in the pregnancy or until childbirth

well... the opportunities here are endless lmao

just imagine a pregnant neil, with his body going through a pregnancy he doesn't know or want, and even though he can feel his body feels odd sometimes, the thought never really crosses his fucking mind

tbf it's a miracle the fetus makes it with how crazy and moving and stressful neil's life goes, and lets not even talk about the violence of exy

drake still happens, with the difference that this time neil is hit a bit harder, bc he can remember, faintly through the haze of being drugged, what that pain is like, and maybe he drops a hint andrews way about that that has andrews eyes sharpening bc he had his suspicions since edens

but he still leaves for easthaven

and when the time comes, neil still goes to the nest

but this time, he doesn't stay the two weeks (three weeks in raven days) he was supposed to, bc theres such a thing called trauma induced labor

neil has no idea of what the fuck is going on, all he knows is that during that first week, he's in so much pain from riko and tetsujis abuse already, that he doesn't even feel the cramps at first

he's woken up in the middle of the night bc of how intense the pain is, and he's horrified to find he's bleeding a lot more than he's used to

jean wakes up bc of the sound of pain he lets out, and he's equally if not more horrified than neil bc he has no fucking idea of what to do and neil seems to be in tremendous pain and bleeding that fucking much cannot be normal

so against all fucking judgement, despite the fucking punishment he's going to get afterwards, he gets riko immediately

riko is so fucking lost about what to do with neil that he sends jean to drop him off at some hospital, bc he might have been torturing him but if neil fucking dies in that place its going to be more trouble than he's worth with both legal authorities and the main family as well

so jean does that, neil is terrified, dazed, in so much fucking pain and he has lost so much blood already and he has no idea of what the fuck is going on and despite hating it he just holds on to jean as he opens the door to the closest emergency room, being rushed by nurses to lie down on a stretcher

its mortifying to be called a girl, and if jean wasn't there with him, he probably would be called a girl for the entirety of his visit

it's mortifying to get checked out by a gynecologist and to have his entire situation questioned and all he can do is fight the dizziness and the nausea and the pain to stay awake bc he's so fucking scared and so fucking confused

("i just found him in the street, i dont know him, he just seemed in a terrible condition and i had to bring him," jean lies, horribly might i add)

they dont even need to bring out an ultrasound machine for the gyno to realize that neil is pregnant, and what the fuck does she mean, no neil cant be fucking pregnant, he doesn't- he hasn't-

he tells them he can't be pregnant, he's not attracted to people that way, he hasn't had-

and it all comes crashing around him, and to his anger he starts fucking crying, out of grief and pain and shame and fear

the truth of what happened all those months ago pours out of him in words he cant remember and he doesn't even feel ashamed that jean is still there, still hearing him, he doesn't have time to

bc the doctors are telling him that due to the signs of physical trauma, his body is inducing an early labor (they tell him he should only be on his seventh month, they tell him premature births are a risk, they tell him trauma births are a risk, they tell him he's bleeding too much and that he could have a placental disruption and thats a fucking risk, but there’s nothing for him to do but live through the pain)

and he's in so much pain, different than anything he's ever been through, and he's being told to push, and he feels so weak, so faint he doesn't know if he can do it

but at some point he hears a baby crying, and through exhausted eyes he just sees that tiny, too tiny human in the doctor's hands and he's just filled with the need to hold them, to have them in his arms

"congratulations sir, you had a beautiful baby daughter"

and all he can do is fucking cry, bc he cant hold that baby, his baby, bc she's premature, and they need to make sure she's okay, and they need to keep her under observation for a little longer, same as him bc he lost a lot of blood and he has so many injuries anyway, but he cant think about himself

all he can think about now is that small baby, alive, alive, alive, somehow, alive and his and okay and- and he needs to think of a fucking name

by the time they give him a room, and have him hooked up on antibiotics and painkillers and a fucking blood transfusion, jeans says his goodbye

he hesitates by the door, and he turns to neil and says, "i wont tell him you gave birth"

hes too tired and the meds are making him drowsy, but he's still afraid, "what are you going to tell him then?"

"that you had to be taken to surgery for internal damage, that you wont rejoining us"

neil knows jean can face punishment for lying, he knows jean knows that too

"why would you lie for me"

"i cant presume to know what the pain of pregnancy or childbirth is like, but i know what having men taking whats not theirs to take is like, you've had enough taken away from you, i wont let them take this too"

neil is speechless for a moment, processing, understanding, and by the time he speaks its just a whisper, "thank you"

jean turns to leave, and neil speaks up as much as he can, "jean, I'll find a way to get you out, i promise"

"dont promise things you can't achieve, wesninski"

neil is too tired to wince at the obvious jab, "I don't promise things i won't do"

jean looks at him with something too close to hope for a moment, before scoffing and leaving

before he passes out, neil calls a nurse, and asks him if he call someone for him, bc he cant reach his bag thrown in a chair too far from the hospital bed

(it all goes down from there, neil with a newborn for the next couple of months, wymack losing his absolute fucking mind bc he never expected one of his own damn foxes to have a child, much less neil out of everyone, and abby is losing her mind bc she can't believe she let neil play all those months while pregnant and the foxss are losing their minds but bc they can't believe they have a baby and they're genuinely happy for her little existence

and the baby turns out to be incredibly healthy for a premature baby, and for a traumatic birth, even if shes on the small side

i cant think of a name, bc all my brain comes up with is anna and josephine after reading too many stories, but hope could also work

and things change from here on

neils recovery period is obviamente longer than in canon, he stays with abby for the first month, more for the babys sake than his, and he gets incredibly close to abby in that time (i believe in abby as neil's mother figure supremacy)

things with andrew go slower in this timeline, bc neil is recovering partly, but also bc neil has more feelings to work through and different priorities what with a newborn fucking baby, but they still start something, maybe its softer, maybe its slower, but its something

and things seem to be going well, neil is going well, he starts playing lightly again (after telling the press he had a car accident during the break in which he had internal injuries that needed more time to heal), the baby is growing steadily, healthy and cute as hell, and the foxes are thriving despite having to accommodate to a lack of neil and having neil playing shorter periods of time

at least until baltimore happens)

[burningtheroots]

(TW!!!) On Female Genital Mutilation and why it‘s incomparable

We need to raise more awareness to this topic. Female genital mutilation (FGM) is a serious and massive crime against young girls and women, and their humanity.

There are a lot of men comparing male genital mutilation to female genital mutilation, asking questions and making discussions about why it’s not treated equally by society and especially feminists, but it honestly CANNOT be compared.

To make this clear, most people are against the circumcision of young boys. And as far as I know, every single feminist, whether liberal or radical, doesn’t condone it. It‘s inhumane, should be forbidden and has to be punished.

Nevertheless, circumcision and FGM are not on the same page — not even in the same book!

The "simplest" form of FGM is the removal of the clitoris, to which the male equivalent would be the removal of the glans.

But now let‘s dig deeper: FGM can go even further in many (most) cases. It includes the removal of the inner and outer labia. It includes sewing the open wounds together until the entire vulva is practically gone, and only a tiny hole for peeing, menstruating, intercourse and childbirth remains.

As a result, young girls and women are in constant pain for the rest of their lives and struggle with severe health issues. They have to pass blood through their mutilated body parts monthly, have to urinate painfully and can‘t sit or walk without repercussions.

Furthermore, when they‘re married to a man, the penetration tears the hole apart and "widens" it. So not only any form of sexual pleasure is taken from them, but intercourse (and let‘s be honest, these girls and women are RAPED) is incredibly painful. Every. Single. Time.

Then, they get impregnated and have to birth a child through their horrifyingly mutilated body parts. Pregnancy and childbirth are already terrifying for women who didn’t suffer FGM, so imagine how it must be for these girls and women.

And I need to add that the procedure itself is already life-threatening. It‘s oftenly done without anesthesia, and in an unhygienic environment with amateur tools. Many girls DIE because they get infected etc. and none of this is an exaggeration.

So, instead of drowning in comparison and whataboutism, we should be able to focus on prevention, intervention and HELP for these girls and women without someone throwing in boys‘ circumcision (which, again, is also cruel and shouldn’t happen).

There are resources and methods to un-do some of the FGM done to these women, and they should be explored and advanced as much as possible and we should fight for these girls and women as much as possible. It‘s treated like a non-issue although chances are disgustingly high that right now, in the very moment you read this, several girls are tortured and traumatized.

The psychological harm is immense. The physical harm is immense. And the awareness and solidarity is so small, don‘t you see?

These girls and women are worth fighting for. Their health and safety have to be a priority. It‘s a long way but it doesn’t get shorter when we choose to wait and refuse to take action.

[hussyknee]

Can't imagine ever feeling bad about being single when Reddit exists. Today in cis het men are hot garbage.

Tw for traumatic childbirth, medical trauma, coercion, gaslighting and medical abuse and fucking troglodyte manchild of a husband. Jesus fucking Christ.

[cecexwrites]

Sending hugs always!

🌹🌹🌹

Please and thank you!

Again, tw for traumatic birth stuff (This is continued from the Wasting time with Rabbits ask)

She looked back at the door and with the wave of her fingers, the door- which did not have a lock on it- locked shut. With one hand she gripped Amber's, the other hand rested on the woman's stomach.

“This is going to hurt.” She warned again. “Even magic can't stop the pain of childbirth. Amber nodded, understanding and detirmination in her eyes. She squeezed the fairy's hand and Oonagh closed her eyes. There was a pounding on the door, but she shut it out of her mind, focusing on the baby, on the movement, on getting the baby boy turned the right way, on healing the damage in both mother and son already caused by the labor.

Amber screamed out in pain, her hand gripping Oonagh's tighter and tighter- but she thought of it as a good thing, if she had the strength to crush the bone's in Oonagh's hand then she had the strength to survive this.