#tw recurrent pregnancy loss

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

Ectoberhaunt 2023. Day 17. Blood and Flesh.

CW: TW! Recurrent pregnancy loss. TW!Abortion. TW!Bleeding

Maddie: Jack, we need to talk. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I think Phantom, the ghost boy, is actually our son. And I’m sure Danny and Jazz know about it too.

What if we bring down on the Fentons the knowledge that they have ghost children without revealing Phantom’s identity?

Text+Chat+Memes=Prompt:

Of course Maddie wanted to have children. But…Not in college. She felt it was too soon. The lack of stable earnings and time were not conditions for growing a new person. She had nothing to give this potential child. Maddie did not hesitate long before deciding to have an abortion.

And for years, neither Jack nor Maddie have thought about this unplanned pregnancy.

Ectoplasm is toxic, obviously. But since ectology was only recently recognized by the scientific community, no one has ever fully analysed the effects of ectoplasm on the body.

When Maddie and Jack had the misfortune to become one of those couples experiencing recurrent pregnancy loss, they immediately suspected that the ectoplasm in their lab contributed to their reproductive difficulty. Put simply, death didn’t go with life.

They may not always have followed the lab’s safety rules perfectly, but is that why one of their first works will be exposing a teratogenic effect of ectoplasm? What if they’ve lost their only chance to be biological parents?

What a cruel price to pay for the work of life. Jack and Maddie so dreamed of their little happiness. Do they have to forget about it?

No, the Fentons don’t give up that easily!

They may have to spend a few years doing only theoretical work, but they’ll try again.

~~~~~

Ectoplasm is toxic. Tests, hopes…and a few miscarriages too.

Jazz was a miracle. Fenton family literally didn’t get out of hospitals to look after her health.

Danny was an even bigger miracle, because they didn’t have any hope of having a second child. Maddie and Jack didn’t even plan this pregnancy. Danny was born premature, with signs of hypoxia... but alive. His potential twin was not so lucky. Single intrauterine fetal death (sIUFD).

Right. Death still followed them. Of course, parents didn’t tell Jazz and Danny that they might have had another brother. It was their grief. Children had no reason to know about it.

~~~~~

"You filthy ghost!" Maddie stopped to rest after a chase for elder Phantom.

"Exhausted?" Dan was flying at a safe distance from her. "Maybe it’s time to retire, Maddie? A little exercise never stopped you before." The ghost was clearly making fun of her.

"Not going to happen, I’ll do it until I die if Amity Park need it. And my son will be here to stop you instead of me after me or Jack."

The smile on Ghost’s face faded immediately. "I hope he die first." The ghost whispered in a hoarse voice."It's best for everyone."

"What did you say?" Maddie rose up in anger, pointing her weapon at it.

"Has any thought crossed your mind about what happens to your children if anything happens to you? Go out every day and yell like idiots, attracting all the ghosts around." An ectoblast is blowing right up against her temple and crashing into the wall. The ghost frowned and turned away. "Did you ever think that Danny wouldn’t want to live without you? Did you think that he would be hurt if he had to lose you? No! Is it always about your stupid desires and ambitions, Mom."

For a moment Maddie thought he it was looking at her like it had seen a ghost, which was obviously just ridiculous. Maddie wanted to laugh about it, but somehow she couldn’t. Why would the ghost trying to fake human emotion care to hide the tears that gather in the corners of its eyes?

Maddie tried to get it out of her head. Anyway, it’s not that important. Phantoms have always been atypical. She’ll come home, take a warm shower, and tell Danny how much she loves him.

~~~~~

Maddie: My son is a strong boy and Dan: He’s weak! He’s a freak! He can’t handle it, Mom!

Maddie had long pondered this theory since the day Jack admitted that Phantom had misspoke during the fight and called him his father but she had never experienced it before. Or maybe she wasn’t paying attention.

Maddie: Hey, Phantom, just a question, how old are you? Dan: Why are you changing the subject? Twenty-four, twenty-five… Hell, I don’t remember. Stopped counting after 17, nobody cares anyway. And her first months dating Jack were 24 years ago. Right. The eyebrows, the shape of eyes and the height is all from Jack. The waist and the side eye from her. Theoretically. Still need more proof.

~~~~~~

Dan: Is this all your frail human form can do?

Maddie walked past the Casper High playground when she saw a ghost flying around. It was one of the new ones. The Phantom’s full-grown specimen. More dangerous. And totally unpredictable. Maddie squeezed the gun harder. Her theories are just theories and she can’t have such a dangerous spirit near the school, near her children.

Danny: Shut up and give me my bottle of water, asshole.

This voice. Maddie stopped in shock. What’s her boy doing so close to a ghost? He’s always so terrified of them.

Dan: No pull-ups, no water. You need muscles. Without them you’re gonna look like a worm if you’re gonna grow up to be taller than Jack as I am.

Danny: Just so you know, you’re a terrible big brother and I hate you.

Dan: Well, that just means I’m doing a good job.

Danny: When Mom asks who destroyed the furniture in Vlad’s house I’m pointing at you. A little run around town will be good for you. And as they say, Older siblings are like your parents' personal science fair. They're a bunch of experiments.

Dan: ...Just so you know, it sounded completely insane. Terrible. Good job, but don’t go near Dani with those jokes. Jazz will kill us both for setting a bad example. Danny: Bad example? Since when has a good sense of humor become a bad example? Dan: Shut up. Drink water and go to the shower. Jazz is gonna kick my ass if you die of overheating.

Danny: Huh, afraid of one know-it-all? When dad chased you with a bazooka, you didn’t seem scared.

Dan: Сome on, dad has a lot of strengths, yeah, but the ability to aim isn't one of them. And not

Dani: driving a car?

Danny: Right. Wait, how long have you been eavesdropping? Dani: Long enough to blackmail you both. Сomputer’s mine for the rest of the week. Dan and Danny: Shit.

~~~~~

The Invisobill. or Phantom. Ha. Danny Fenton…Danny Phantom. Weston boy said crazy things. Yeah. But what if he was only partially wrong? Everything except the color of its eyes and hair is so much like Danny's. If this were typical manipulation from a ghost hoping to shake the desire of ghost hunters to chase a creature similar to their child, he would have had to give it up months ago. But phantom did not change his disguise. This is his true form. What about ghost girl and older ghost? They are also so young.

Maddie could not sleep. In her head struggled scientist and woman weighed down by feelings of guilt and shame. She was tormented by philosophical problems and religious issues. No, Maddie, not even a neural tube is formed at that time. It was just a collection of cells. It’s not a person. It doesn’t feel pain. And ghosts do not too. Right? Is it even acceptable to compare such things? Is it possible that a ghost is not the remnant of negative human emotions and memories? What is responsible for its formation then? What is the purpose of such a ghost? And more importantly, how long have these ghosts been near and they did not notice? Has the portal become a source of energy necessary for their existence in the physical plane? Or is it only they who have not seen them?

So painful. It’s so unpleasant to think about what monsters they look like to their dear Danny and Jazz. Ghosts or not, she threatened creatures who might have been part of their family in front of her babies. God, naive teens must think that three Phantoms are their siblings or something. Of course! That explains the disappearance of fenton thermos and the way the Phantoms sneak into the portal and Danny’s always somewhere in trouble and…Oh my God, they could be in so much danger! How long has this been going on? No, the real question is..Hm, if this is going on for so long, why haven’t the ghosts done anything…evil? If their nature is in the destruction then why didn’t anything happen? Jack and she would never have missed something that would hurt their children.

~~~~~~

The fight between the Skulker and Invisobill was particularly fierce this time. Maddie was unlucky to be in one of the damaged buildings. But who is she if not a scientist? She will find a way to benefit in such a situation.

Unnecessary risk, completely unprofessional. But… The debris of the wall does not lie on her very tightly and the weapon still with Maddie. Yeah. She has to test her theory. She has to. She can get up and leave if she needs to. Right? A little dizziness never killed anyone. She just feels cold and sounds are strange. Maddie: Help. Help! Someone! M-Maddie? An insecure voice with an echo sounds. Yes, it's near. Maddie: Help! I can’t.. I can’t get up. T-Hard to breathe. Danny: Mum! Mama, hold on, I’m coming.

Phantom checks her pupillary reflex. Who taught him that? Jazz? The touch of his hand, so cold and shaky. Now Maddie really doesn't feel so good. It’s good that the ghost is her boy. She doesn’t have to worry about anything happening to people around. Neither he nor Danny know how to lie. She can breathe. Just cover her eyes for a moment and… Just a few seconds. Phantom:Jazz, Jazz! Call an ambulance. I don’t know what to do. I..I can’t just make mum intangible. What if she has a crush syndrome and I make it worse or… Her boy. Why is Danny so scared? Danny: Tucker, she is bleeding and she’s not responding to me and… Sshh, my little star, is all right. Mom just needs to lie down and rest a little.

~~~~~~

Maddie could not believe that she had actually passed out. But the time spent in the hospital gave her enough time to think about everything.

Maddie: Jack, we need to talk. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I think Phantom, the ghost boy, is actually our son. And I’m sure Danny and Jazz know about it too.

Jack: Honey, are you sure we don’t need to double-check if you have a concussion?

~~~~~~

Maddie and Jack decide to watch surveillance videos for the first time. After all, it concerns the safety of their children, they have the right to know what happens in the house in their absence. Especially when the ghosts are nearby. Children *live in their own sitcom*:

They have seen enough. Maddie decides to check chats on Jazz’s phone. It’s for their safety, only. She’s a good mother but what if the ghosts are up to something?

The chat was so..Teenage? And Chaotic. Normal? No, definitely not. How many times have they punished Danny unfairly? Did Jazz learn to lie and they didn’t even notice? And what the hell, why were they joking about dissection. It’s just awful. They need to talk immediately. No, it will look suspicious. They need to try to make contact with ghosts. And then they’ll all be grounded. All five.

Oh, and she thought two kids were a lot of work. How are they gonna handle three more with the bizarre biology ectology? Do they have hobbies, interests? They are definitely more complicated than theblob-ghosts. Was she wrong? Do they have emotions, a need for socialization? Can she trust her emotions in this matter?

~~~~Bonus~~~~

"What the hell happened to freak’s neck?!"

Danny: Um, excuse me, ma'am, he’s been doing Hatha yoga in India for years. Practice opens up amazing flexibility in the joints! Right, brother?

Dan: Fuck off.

Ma'am: Don’t take me for an idiot! What about his skin color then? Jack: You have something against my son’s tan? Dan: I told you going shopping with me was a bad idea. Dani: If you didn’t scare everyone around, it wouldn’t be so bad.

Dan:...I didn’t even try to do it this time. Why is she meddling?!

~~~Bonus~~~~

Dan: Why am I only third? Dani: Because I have successfully stabbed Danny in the back when he did not expect it. With you he is always waiting for a trick. This makes me much more successful than you :)

[remoteangel]

I never seen an anime talk about miscarriage before. I’m glad to see us have representation in an anime. 🥺

[yennie-fer]

Happy International Women’s Day

1 out of 4 women experience pregnancy loss.

1% experience recurrent miscarriages.

I fall under these. I’ve made artworks for each losses.

Many women suffer in silence from such a traumatic event.

You are not alone. Break the stigma.

Spread the word.

Remember us.

Pregnancy loss isn’t “oversharing”. We’ve lost a part of us and family. Such a traumatic event in our lives that other people could share about their loved ones dying.

Our babies died, too. They’re valid to us. 💖💖

Let’s stop shaming women for sharing their stories.

[santos-emilia]

Task 004 - Sweet Dreams

Emilia doesn't sleep regularly, or at least she didn't until she became pregnant. Growing one infant is draining enough, but two? Exhausting. She rarely slept as a means to avoid recurrent dreams, nightmares really. She avoided sleep until she just couldn't any longer to also avoid the nightmares that haunted her dreams, that dragged her so deep into them that she fought to escape. On the nights that sleep couldn't be avoided, she often woke drenched in her own sweat, held close to her husband's chest as he tied to soothe her out of whatever was tormenting her subconscious. In the most recent months, weeks and days those few recurrent dreams have broadened to include new nightmares, her anxiety flaring to life in the form of subconscious torture.

{TW: blood, miscarriage}

Her father often comes to her in her sleep, sometimes in a good capacity and sometimes not. Sometimes he comes to offer words of wisdom, to just talk. But there are times when she is fourteen years old again and she walks into his room to find him sleeping peacefully only to realize that his body is far too cold, far too stiff. Sometimes her subconscious alters the memory of that day and her father is decomposing when she finds him, bloated and full of maggots. Others show her father as the living dead, decomposing even as he reaches for her.

Just as with her father sometimes dreams of her husband come with good intentions

Seventeen and young again, they lay in bed or under the stars or out by the pool as they talk about dreams of the future, of children running around the house they now owned.

Dressed in her wedding gown, she moves down the aisle towards a future she’d dreamed of for years. Tony is smiling and tears well in his eyes, tears she kisses away, laughing softly as she leaves lipstick behind on his cheeks

Watching him lift a raven haired toddler up in his arms, raising her towards the sky and the bright shining sun as her curls tumble in the breeze.

But more often then not they come to drag her into darkness.

Her hands will be shaking and covered in blood as she tries oh so desperately to save his life.

He will be screaming for her, his voice echoing as she wanders endless darkened corridors in search of a voice she won’t find until it is too late and it’s cut off with the sound of a peacekeepers gun.

His joining another rebellion, his being caught, and his dying as she is forced to watch.

For the first two trimesters of her pregnancy with the twins, fueled by the fear the resulted from several miscarriages over the years, Emilia was plagued with dreams of loosing yet another pregnancy.

She had done everything right and yet she’d wake in a pool of her own blood.

She’d done everything right and yet she’d go into labor at twenty-some weeks.

She’d done everything right and yet she was diagnosed with eclampsia far before the lives she was growing would be viable.

She would go to the doctor and the doctor wouldn’t be able to find one or both heartbeats.

Her mind and subconscious spun the story several different ways, but it always ended in the loss of one or both of the babies she so desperately wanted.

At nearly twenty-eight weeks those dreams don’t come near as often anymore. The babies are healthy. She is healthy. And they have over a ninety percent chance of survival at this point. But every so often they do pop up, her subconscious refusing to let go of that fear.

The fear and nightmare that she most wishes to never come true and yet is blooming to fruition right now. Her beloved, the first of many children she had dreamed of having, the one she was so joyed at finding out she was pregnant with at seventeen. Her name is pulled from the reaping bowl and no one volunteers. No matter what Emilia does to save her life, no matter what she is willing to do to get sponsors to bet on her beloved daughter, Emilia has to sit aside as her daughter fights to live or die and ultimately succumbs to that fight. A single white rose is waiting for Emilia as the canon sounds.

[futurewhnp-atyourcervix]

Officially going to start talking about our TTC journey on here

Spoiler: it’s not a happy story.

TW: miscarriage, D&E, D&C, recurrent losses

Fiancé and I started NTNP a few month before we got engaged in May. Found out we were pregnant a month after our engagement. We were over the moon!! But also super nervous, because it happened way faster than we had anticipated. See, doctors had been telling me for years that because of the way my cycles are (very far apart and irregular), it would be a difficult journey to actually get pregnant. We were so shocked when that wasn’t the case! But two weeks later, I went to the doctor for some mild spotting, and when they did an ultrasound they didnt see anything. Not even a sac or a fetal pole. I should have been almost 6 weeks at that point. We were diagnosed with a MMC and told that “on the bright side, at least you can get pregnant” and “it was so early, your pregnancy never really got off the ground”. Needless to say, I never went back to that OB.

We moved to a new city, I started a new job (ironically I’m a labor and delivery nurse) and began recovering emotionally from our loss. Then, in September, we found out we were pregnant again. This time, we were unbelievably excited, but terrified of another loss. I think I peed on about 20 different pregnancy tests over the course of two weeks, just to watch them get darker. I didn’t even tell my fiancé for a week or so after I first found out, because if it was going to be another early loss I didn’t think I could stand to watch him suffer again. Finally called a doctor at about 6 weeks, got an ultrasound scheduled for 7 weeks. At the ultrasound, we heard our beautiful little rainbow baby’s heartbeat, and we felt so much better. We actually started planning for a baby, picking out names, talking about our future with him or her in it. We had a second appointment at 11 weeks, and heard the heartbeat again on a Doppler. It was just as beautiful a sound as it had been the first time. We felt like we were in the clear, finally. We started telling friends and family, and everyone was ecstatic.

Then, earlier this week, at 13 weeks exactly, I woke up to some light spotting. I made an appointment to see my midwife, and she wasn’t super worried. She said “brown blood is old blood” and that I probably just had a UTI or something. Anyway, I went in and laid down on the table. She tried to use the Doppler to find our baby, but she couldn’t hear a thing. She still didn’t seem worried, said that babies are super active at this stage and hard to catch on Doppler and my uterus is tilted back anyway so I’m even harder to find on a Doppler. So she sent us back for an ultrasound. As soon as the tech turned on the screen, i knew something was wrong. Our baby was too small. She wasn’t moving. There was no heartbeat.

We were immediately taken to a quiet office in the back, close to a back exit, and they told us about the next steps. Planned a D&E for Monday. NPO after midnight Sunday. So sorry for your loss. This happens more than we like to see. Let’s talk genetic testing since this is your second MC in 6 months. Pricked my finger for iron levels. I signed consents. Was given prescriptions for just about everything, including Ativan to help me “get through this weekend”. Then they snuck us through the back door and sent us on our way. “See you Monday”.

I called my mom, and told her we needed her here with me this weekend and on Monday. Last time, we didn’t tell anyone until after the fact, and my fiancé spent so much time taking care of me that he wasn’t able to grieve. This time, I knew if he felt like I was being cared for, he would be able to be sad with me. His parents are coming on Monday for the procedure, to support him while I’m in surgery.

So now we wait. And we mourn the loss of our much-wanted and very, very, very loved rainbow baby. And we talk about what this means for us, for our TTC journey. How many more times can we do this? What if I can never carry a baby to term? It’s so unfair, but I’ trying not to dwell on comparing myself to others and their fertility because it honestly hurts even more and it makes me bitter and angry. But I am angry. Angry that the universe won’t allow me to have this one thing. That I’m not capable of being the one thing I’ve only ever wanted to be: a mom. I’m angry that others (including people close to me), who don’t even want or need to be parents, can pop babies out left and right but my body doesn’t seem to be able to. That I’m doomed to spend my career and my personal life helping these women give birth, supporting them through labor and cuddling with their fresh new babies afterwards as they ask me “how come you don’t have any kids yet?” For the millionth time.

So anyway, I’m reaching out to the void. I don’t expect any answers, but I’m always willing to talk.

[thementalhealthblog]

MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER (DEPRESSION)

tw: may mention suicide, self harm etc.

depression is a mental illness characterized by a persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in ones daily life. it requires a medical diagnosis and is therefore not self diagnosable.

causes:

there is no single cause for depression. it depends on a unique combination of an individuals genetic makeup and environmental conditions. there are many factors to take into account:

- genetic: your family may have a history with depression that is in your genetic makeup

- brain structure: the brain’s physical structure or chemistry can cause depression

- history of other disorders

- stressful and/or traumatic events such as (but not limited to) abuse, loss of a loved one or financial issues

- certain medications such as sleeping aids, and blood pressure medication

- hormone changes (menstrual cycles, pregnancy)

different types of depression:

just like there is no one cause of depression, there is more than one tyoe of depression. the fifth edition of the Diagnostic wnd Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders lists nine distinct types:

- major depression: the most common type. people with this kind of depression experience recurrent episodes throughout their lives

- dysthymia: a persistent low mood over a long period of time, even a year or more

- seasonal affective disorder: a type of depression brought on by a lack of natural sunlight

- atypical depression: people suffering from this kind of depression report feeling a heaviness in their limbs. they may suffer from irritability and relationship problems

- manic depressive disorder: more commonly known as bipolar disorder. this is because it involves alternating between mania and depressive episodes.

- psychotic depression: when depressive episodes get so severe that delusions or hallucinations are present. the person can become catatonic or the feel stuck in bed.

- postpartum depression: occurs after giving birth. mothers may feel that they will hurt their child or feel disconnected from their baby.

- premenstrual dysphoric disorder: severe depression that comes about in the second half of the menstrual cycle. affects the individuals ability to function normally.

- situational depression: triggered by a life-changing event. could be anything feom losing your job to the death of an immediate family member or loved one.

signs & symptoms:

despite there being many types of depression, many have similar recognizable symptoms. this list only scratches the surface, but gives a general idea of depression symptoms:

- persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness or emptiness

- irritability, frustration, or restlessness

- loss of interest in activities or hobbies that used to be enjoyable

- difficulty sleeping, sleep disturbances, or sleeping too much

- fatigue and lack of energy

- difficulty thinking clearly, remembering, concentrating, or making decisions

- appetite or weight changes

- reoccurring thoughts of death or suicide

- physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, or back pain

experiencing some combination of these symptoms for a period of at least two weeks likely signifies that you are in the midst of a depressive episode.