#tw postpartum psychosis

[awlimagines]

Pumpkin Psychosis (Marlin/Matthew Angst)

TW: Postpartum Psychosis, Harm to an Infant

Postpartum anything is terrifying. I hope anyone and everyone has an excellent support system to help recognize when something is wrong.

You hadn’t been sleeping. It was the symptom of a new family. Marlin had noticed what he called concerning behaviors. His claims of your instability were outrageous. The mood swings and irritability were just the results of less sleep. After all, it was hard to fall asleep unless you were sure the baby was settled. Marlin helped, but your child’s wails still woke you each time. This was all part of the growing pains of creating a family. Any parents of a newborn would tell you the same. 

The pumpkins had grown in beautifully. You were excited to carve them into fun faces. It would be adorable first fall pictures for your daughter and family. Marlin would be ecstatic when he woke from his nap and saw the jack-o-lanterns. You steadied the rounded squash against the table, raising your knife to cut the lid open. The stab brought a thick, red ooze from where the knife’s tip entered the pumpkin’s flesh. 

“Marlin! Marlin!” you screamed your husband’s name. 

Pumpkins weren’t supposed to bleed! What had happened? It must be one of his hybrid crops! It was a brilliant scare for the season. You wondered how he achieved such a thing. A gasp escaped you as Marlin roughly yanked the knife from your hands and shook you. He was screaming something about the baby. You frowned, confused the baby was sleeping peacefully in the other room. Marlin would wake the baby at this rate, and you needed help with the hybrid pumpkin. 

You took in Marlin cradling your daughter. She was dressed in orange, though you couldn’t tell with all the blood on her. Your baby was bleeding! She didn’t cry, and Marlin flinched from you as you approached. You rushed forward to help and ask what happened, but Takakura held you from them. When did he get here? The older man tried to calm you as Marlin fled the house to Dr. Baddoch. You were left struggling against Takakura beside a bloodstained table. 

Dr. Baddoch had you admitted to a facility that specialized in postpartum psychosis. It was there that you learned that the pumpkin was never a pumpkin. Your daughter was able to toddle and babble now. Her hair grown into a bob long enough to hide the scar from the knife you inserted. 

The doctors assured you the psychosis wasn’t permanent. Your regular visits with Takakura, Marlin, and your daughter were excellent progress. They wanted you to begin holding your daughter when they visited. Marlin insisted things weren’t your fault. You had a medical diagnosis. He wanted to work with you in helping you reacclimate to life on the farm. He felt guilty for having missed the signs that you needed help. You worried about ever touching your daughter and being along with her again.

[ashersbraincell]

So.

ALOT Just happened

Man that whole half-animated segment with the music and everything was epic asf tho

But yeah I was absolutely gobsmacked when she just. Axed his limbs like that. Really, this game is touching on so many adult topics woth such tact and dark realism about it that I completely wasn’t expecting. Postpartum psychosis/depression aint no joke

[ninelivesastrology]

RE: That astrology influencer that committed familicide

In as few words as possible, there's a pipeline from Pop Astrology to New Age spirituality (which started in the 1970s when astrology has been around for thousands of years) that we always need to be aware of. I think other people have said it better than me (tw: child death, familicide, spiritual psychosis).

Astrology doesn't cause, it correlates. Events corresponding to the Eclipse take months to unfold. It is so easy for the complexities of Astrology to be muddled with vague, New Age spiritual keywords (ascension, 3D/4D/7D, collective, twin flame, divine masculine, divine feminine, etc). It is too easy to get lost in this loaded language and to be frank, be subject to spiritual abuse because it does feel like being in a cult. I could actually write essays on this.

Unfortunately, people have always seen Eclipses as the end of days historically. Retrogrades and Eclipses have happened multiple times a year for thousands of years. They're just a part of life, but not the end of the world.

Beyond all this, it is heartbreaking that this happened. Always check in on your mental health before turning to any type of spiritual practice, whether it's Christianity, Astrology, Tarot. Please do so especially if you are pregnant or have had a baby as well, postpartum is tough.

[samd1o1]

Gothic Horror HCs But Using The Penny Dreadful Versions As Well Cus I Like Them

Hello, So recently I have been really obsessed with 1800s gothic horror literature.

My favorite books are (in order);

1. Frankenstein The Modern Prometheus

2. The Picture Of Dorian Gray

3. The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

4. Dracula

So imagine my fucking excitement when I heard there was a show that used THOSE EXACT FOUR BOOKS!!!!

Anyway I thought I'd take the time to talk about my favorite characters from the books/show and hcs I have for them all.

Now massive Trigger Warning for some ableism/sanism from the victorian era but also current day, and also queermisia.

All of these characters are canon ND I believe based off of their canon "madness" and I also believe they were all queer men.

----

Victor Frankenstein

Victor is a trans man you must understand this. He literally has postpartum depression in the book. He is also forced into an arranged marriage with a woman but has so much more chemistry with his best friend Henry Clerval. I think he's gay and his love for both Elizabeth and Lilly are just comphet. (He loves Elizabeth like a sister tho).

Victor is also disabled in the book. In Penny Dreadful he also has asthma! I also hc Victor is autistic. In the book he has a special interest in alchemy and science. He info dumps about poetry and clocks a lot in Penny Dreadful lmao. He's also just awkward like me fr fr. There was also a rlly funny scene in Penny Dreadful where everyone noticed this one character was a trans woman and made a "face" of surprise. Victor never did because honestly I don't think he fucking noticed. Which made me laugh because I didn't either.

Dorian Gray

This man is just me sometimes and I kinda hate it. Definitely has BPD. He treats life as a fantasy and has a hard time applying reality to reality. He also will love you one second and can hate you so passionately the next. Henry Wotton is most definitely his favorite person. There's also an entire chapter in the book dedicated to talking about his hyperfixations. Dorian is also bisexual! He falls in love with a few women in the book and Penny Dreadful. But also many men! Oscar Wilde was gay and put a lot of himself into Dorian lmao.

Henry Jekyll

Look the guy with daddy issues. Seriously out of all the things they chose to adapt for Penny Dreadful this made me laugh the most (in a good way). It's a random throwaway line in the book but I'm glad they kept it because his father leads to Henry's toxic mindset. Henry feels the need to be respectful in high society and not indulge his "indecent" thoughts. These thoughts include things like murder but also homosexual desires. The man is gay, love that for him. Don't let the musical fool you. I think his other violent thoughts come from OCD intrusive thoughts. As a median system I do also relate to the duality he feels. But I also would be careful ever putting a plural reading on Jekyll and Hyde for obvious reasons.

Robert Montague Renfield

Oh Renfield so much to say about you my man. (This is where that TW comes in handy)

Ok so the R.M. of his name standing for "Robert Montague" is ONLY from the new 2023 movie "Renfield". Renfield never had a first name because Bram Stoker was an ableist dick who saw Renfield as less than human for his mental illness. So out of spite of him and love for Renfield I hc his name to be Robert in all versions. This isn't to praise the new movie for its handle on mental illness though. While I absolutely adore the movie and it's camp and message I can't look past the ableism. It constantly demonizes NPD and for the topic of our discussion writes out Robert's mental illness. Robert in the book has psychosis and periods of mania and depression. Honestly I'll have to reread his sections of the book soon and see if I change my opinion because I had a hard time thinking of a label for him. Anyway I think he has Bipolar! But this is why I prefer Penny Dreadful over Renfield 2023 for the character. He gets to be mentally ill and still do a good thing and be just like everyone else in the show (not good or bad, just gray). On the topic of Renfield 2023 again I also think they (Drac and Ren) are ex lovers lmao, I mean it's literally framed like that they just don't have the balls to say it. I now just read every version like this. So yes another Bi king! Wow this ended up mainly being about Renfield whoops.

----

So yeah as you can see I really like the books and Penny Dreadful. I loved that Penny Dreadful wasn't scared to make its characters ND coded like a certain someone *cough* Renfield 2023 *cough* and be faithful to the OGs!

Anyway I'm not a medical professional lmao, I've just researched a lot of stuff trying to figure out my own problems and it's also smth I take an interest in. The queer stuff I am a professional tho /j.

Was this post messy? Oh yeah, wouldn't have it any other way.

[konigsblog]

Partial break from angst

I think after the first little boy gains sentience price tones the domestic violence back. He doesn’t want him to grow up and be violent. Or even worse grow up hating his father and kick his ass when he’s older. And I think at some point when price hears the readers screams trigger the babies to scream he goes “huh. Maybe I shouldn’t do this” obviously you’re still his and he’s not letting you go, but he starts acting like a decent human being… sort of

He moves you from the basement to his bedroom (“why does your mom live in the basement” “dad doesn’t want her upstairs” he has to make sure the kids aren’t tipping anyone off). He starts being sweeter to you when the kids are around, (forcing you into) laying on him, letting him stroke your hair and kiss you gently. Saying how much he loves you and loves the life he’s made with you. How glad he is you stopped putting yourself in harms way just because you wanted to rebel against your parents and prove how strong and independent you are. He’d be sweet and loving, saying how you don’t need to prove yourself because he knows it takes a strong independent woman to have his babies

Omg him coming home after a long day on work, and the kids after a long day of being kids, and they all just get into a big cuddle pile on your bed. If you didn’t know any better you’d think price was a loving father and husband. And maybe he is. Maybe he’s changed and you’re stuck in the past. He doesn’t lock you down stairs anymore, he doesn’t yell, he barely even hits you. Sure you don’t exactly like being here, being stuck, but you’re safe. You’re taken care of. Your kids are happy. Maybe it’s not too bad. So you lay with them, dreams of being a war hero stomped out, replaced with being grateful to just be alive, and safe with your kids.

The next morning price would see you laying there with his babies and absolutely melt. He did it. You’re a sweet little house wife and mother. Sure you have spurts of rebellion, but that’s better than before. He’d pick you up and put you in the bathtub and kiss your face and wash your back. Thanking you for finally seeing how perfect he is for you, for your kids. How good of a husband he is. He’d tell you how good you are with his kids, his babies, how happy he is to be a father. How he wishes you would pay a little more attention to him like his work friends wives do with them. Trim his beard, cut his hair, go on weekend getaways. Stuff normal couples do. And now that your finally his, sweet and submissive and compliant, you can be normal

Cutting myself off because I could write about this for hours

🪤

tw; abuse

i feel like he would manipulate you into thinking it wasn't as bad as what you thought, his constant attempts to downplay what you experienced and endured during your pregnancy and birth, even with the baby he gaslighted you into thinking this was all just one of your delusions.

and he could use the fact that you've been to a mental hospital before, telling you these were parts of your pyschosis and nothing more than a hallucination. if you ever tried to divorce him, he would make it known about your mental state, telling you that you would lose custody over your sons, making you sob and wail, curling into a ball because you feel so lost.

putting on a show when you went out in public. taking you to a bar with his work friends and their wives, seeing the actual and genuine smiles on their faces whilst you lived in dystopia and a state of delusions.

even worse if after your second baby, you endured postpartum psychosis, sending you back to the hospital whilst he built a connection with the new baby.

[assortedsouls]

Bio: Jiāng Zhōngxìn

Birth name: Jiāng Kāng (江康)

Courtesy name: Jiāng Zhōngxìn (江忠信)

Nicknames: Kang'er, A-Kang, A-Xin, Fatty Jiang (江胖子, Jiāng pàngzi), Fatty (胖子, pàngzi), Little Fatty (小胖胖, xiǎopàngpàng)

Age: up to 35+

Birthday: 15 April

Family: Jiāng Sōngliú (江枩流, father, diseased), Grandmother ("nǎinai") (Dài Xièyǒu 戴燮友, diseased)

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Personality: Cheerful and kind-hearted. If he can make someone smile or help them, he will. He's completely loyal to the Jiang Sect. Generally carefree, but not irresponsible, if given a task, he takes it seriously. He's also very curious, both in the way of general knowledge and people, he will indulge in reading as well as gossip. Zhongxin is soft, emotionally and physically, but with a will of iron and he will not stand by and watch injustice happening. He greatly enjoys taking care of others and is definitely a protector. Despite what he might seem, he is not to be underestimated. He might not fully be as good at fighting and cultivating as Jiang Wanyin and Wei Wuxian, but he is good enough to be one of the Jiang top disciples when they were young.

Weapons:Bow and arrows, sword (xǐtuō, 洗脱)

PHYSICAL

Build: Chubby/fat, but muscular & strong.

Height: 182 cm (5'12")

Hair: Black

Eyes: Light brown

Skin: Tanned

Facial features:Round, soft face, plump cheeks, button nose and thick eyebrows. Few would call him handsome, but most would call him cute and he has a pretty smile.

BACKGROUND (tw: mentioning of postpartum psychosis & hurting of a baby)

Jiang Kang was born a healthy, chubby and easy baby, despite that, his mother rejected him and even tried to drown him. Thankfully, he was saved by his grandmother. One day, his mother was just gone. Exactly what happened, no one knows, but the birth of her son changed her (postpartum psychosis). His father, Jiang Songliu, searched for her, but never found her. Except for this, which he of course doesn't remember, his childhood was happy and he got to play with his táng-gē and táng-jiě in Lotus Pier (and later also Wei-shixiong) (his father was first cousin once removed to Jiang Fengmian). Of course, they didn't always play, they had to study and train too, since they were all Jiang Disciples as well.

His life was good. The only hardship being when Yú-fūrén decided to punish him (and the others, which they usually did deserve). And no, she never berated him for being fat, he had always been a chubby kid and continued to be so. To people's surprise, she even defended him once when someone pointed out that it was a bad sight with a fat cultivation disciple, to which Yu-furen declared 'that at least no one could accuse them for not taking care and feed their disciples, unlike some other sects' and Zidian had sparked. Zongxin saw this and was stunned, having never expected her to stand up for him. Fengmian was, as always, very kind to him, having grown up with his father.

Then the Wens decided to change the Cultivation World for all of them. When they arrived at Lotus Pier, he tried his best to defend it, to defend his home, his family and all those he loved, but he failed. Oh, how he failed. Though, he would get a chance for revenge.

Presumed dead, he was thrown into a mass grave with the other killed at the massacre. By some kind of miracle, or rather thanks to his extra padding and a strong golden core, he survived all his injuries and was found by grave robbers. Yes, as despicable as that is, the group of homeless thieves weren't so heartless that they left him for dead. Instead they pulled him away from there (although also taking anything of value he had on him) and eventually managed to find a farmer that let the young disciple stay (he was 15 at the time). (What exactly happens here can change depending on thread and muse interaction)

It took awhile, but eventually, he got reunited with Wanyin, Wuxian and Yanli. Though, the events did change him and he has frequent nightmares and periods of amnesia, but with time, he became more like his old self and he tries to hide the emotional wounds he is still carrying inside him.

He has always stayed loyal to Jiang Wanyin and is helping him training the Jiang disciples and doing other things when needed as well.

Very short and quick timeline

5 yo - Starts cultivation and martial arts training

13 yo - Wanyin and Wuxian go to Gusu. He wants to join them, but he is still too young.

15 yo - Burning of Lotus Pier. He’s assumed to be dead, but survives.

19 yo - Joins the Siege of the Burial Mounds out of loyalty to his Sect, but disagrees with how the situation, and his old friend, is treated.

32 yo - The fall of Jin Guangyao.

[tonopahtestblog]

Name: Isadora “Izzy” Emmeline Santiago Age: 32 Occupation: Part-time barista at Book Basement’s cafe, part-time model Time living in Tonopah: 22 years Neighborhood: Downtown Gang Affiliation: None Face Claim: Priscilla Quintana

Biography: (tw: military, PTSD, postpartum psychosis, child abuse, suicide)

Isadora never really knew her biological parents. Or rather, she doesn’t remember much about them; both of them were out of the picture by the time she was 5 years old.

Her father, Elijah Burk, was in the army, in and out of the house for long periods of time whenever he was deployed. Her mother, Norah, was a former teacher who had never truly recovered from childbirth. Though she tried, Norah was unable to form a strong emotional connection with her daughter. A few weeks after Izzy was born, Norah began experiencing auditory hallucinations, telling her erroneous reasons why she couldn’t connect. Some of the reasons were absurd, such as the child being a demon sent to punish her for past sins. Though she had gone to get help at Elijah’s insistence, when he was sent out on his final deployment, she had stopped taking her medication. Elijah’s last assignment in the Gulf War saw him honorably discharged following an incident that resulted in a major traumatic brain injury. Though he’d gone through rehabilitation efforts, he never fully recovered his capacity to function without assistance and was institutionalized at an assisted living facility.

Stricken by the grief of losing her husband, dealing with untreated mental illness, and the growing resentment towards her daughter for the perceived notion she’d ruined Norah’s life, the formerly loving woman began to act on her delusions, mistreating Izzy by purposefully not feeding her, depriving her of basic necessities like proper hygiene, in an attempt to drive the demon from her daughter. When these tactics didn’t work, she began to beat the young girl. One of the beatings was so bad that Izzy ended up in the hospital after a neighbor overheard the cries and called the police. Izzy lost most of the hearing in her left ear as a result. Norah was charged with child endangerment, abuse and neglect of a child, and a few other charges, but she never saw any time behind bars for what she’d done; she committed suicide before she was given her sentence.

With no family available to take Izzy in, she was put into the foster care system. The transition was difficult for her at first, but her experience with her mother had hardly dulled her shine. She would eventually befriend everyone and show them kindness, so she was often one of the favorites in whatever foster home she went to which caused conflict with some of the other children. She was in three different homes in her short time in the foster system when the Santiago family adopted her at the age of 6. At the time, it was only her and Matias, Reina being adopted about a year later. Although it took a little while for her to warm up to the idea of being in a new family and move past the trauma she had experienced only a year before, she was ecstatic to have two older siblings and loving parents. She followed her brother and sister around all the time growing up, mirroring them like a young duckling.

The family moved to Tonopah Valley when she was 10 years old. The adjustment took a bit, having to leave behind friends she’d made in New Orleans, but she came to view Tonopah as her hometown faster than the others. On a dare from some high school friends, Izzy entered a modeling competition. She didn’t believe she’d win, but she got second place and caught the notice of a talent scout. After a conversation with her parents about the responsibility of managing her time between school and modeling, she began to make her way into the industry there in the Vegas area. She worked significantly more throughout her early and mid-twenties, but she’s since taken a step back from modeling full-time to re-evaluate her career path.

Headcanons:

Izzy has a hearing aid for her left ear. While it doesn’t completely fix her hearing, it does make it easier for her to hear out of that ear.

She’s very much an optimist in spite of what she’s gone through in life. She actively tries to find the silver lining in every situation.

Although she’s generally a very happy and sunshiney person, she’s still Matias’s younger sister, which means she’s been taught how to shoot and handle a knife, among other self-defense tactics. Although she’d prefer to handle things differently, she’s able to kill a man if necessary.

She initially started modeling in the hopes it would help her experience more that life had to offer outside of Tonopah, but now she’s not so sure it’s what she wants to do for the rest of her life.

[usaigi]

please don't let Matt lose to some FRENCH LOSER WITH DEAD FRIENDS.

MATT IS IRISH-AMERICAN LOSER WITH DEAD GIRLFRIENDS

MY BOY HAS BEEN DEPRESSED SINCE HE WAS 9 MARIUS HAS NOTHING ON HIM. Oh boo hoo you're sad because your ADULT friends died and you have fomo??? Try being abandoned by your mom because she had postpartum depression/psychosis and was a threat to you AS A BABY. Grow up poor with a single dad who got beat up for a living. Having to stitch his wounds. Lose your vision. HAVING YOUR DAD GET MURDERED by gangsters and have it be YOUR fault because you wanted him to win the fight. Growing up in an orphanage & getting recruited by someone to be a CHILD SOLDIER. TW suicide // Tried to kill himself two-ish times (one is debatable, the whole "I can't live without you so I'll die with you but the second time is def "there's no point to live but I cant kill myself bc im catholic but if a gangster kills me God will understand)

Round One

Propaganda

Matt: He goes through a lot of trauma in his life and deals with Catholic guilt

Marius: in the book he gets disowned by his grandfather iirc, and joins a revolution group only to get verbally attacked on his first day :( he then goes and helps out at a little rebellion because his girlfriend is moving away and he'd rather die than be without her and then all his friends die :(((((( mans has bad survivor's guilt look at him. he's so silly and victor hugo enjoys traumatising the hell out of him (he also gets dragged through the parisian sewers which is funny to me)

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

LITTLE HANDS, BIG HEARTS

Rating: T

Chapter: 1/5

Pairings: Bechloe

Summary: Childhood friends Chicago and Chloe have been by each others sides for a long time. When an accidental pregnancy leads to the traumatic birth of their daughter Emma, Chicago grows concerned about Chloe's mental state and asks his old army buddy Beca to keep an eye on them whilst he's on his final tour of duty.

A whole new idea courtesy of my excellent exec. producer @chubby-maimaki who I adore very much 💖 it’s a bit of a different one for me this one, a slow burn which I’m hoping pays off in the end skldfhdd although they’ll be plenty of my trademark angst to come.

Trigger warning for the duration of this fic for themes and discussions of postpartum depression and psychosis. More trigger warnings may apply later on, so keep an eye out for those in future chapters.

[powcrhour]

Anonymous said:           △ + where are your children? @ amour

              ❝ 10. Dead or away from me. It’s the only way they’re safe. Either I kill them or someone else does, but none of them last. And if they do, it’s only because I left or they were taken from me. I don’t even remember what happens. I just get so... everything. I feel everything all the time and I see things and I get angry then I just do things... and I should regret it but I don’t. The less of me there is in the world the better. ❞

[excatholicatheistace]

I'm new to tumblr, so bear with me. I just needed a space to rant about things.

TW: Religious Trauma/Spiritual Abuse/Menstrual Cycle/Pregnancy/Childbirth

Growing up Catholic was a mindfuck for me. I thought that if I didn't suffer enough I wouldn't "save souls." Can you imagine being 15 and thinking that people were going to suffer *FOREVER* so you had to do what you could to stop it? I was so afraid to take any pain medication at all. I had to do whatever I could to help people avoid Eternal Damnation.

I came to a breaking point when I started getting debilitating cramps that interfered with my ability to do well in school and at my job (I worked at a Assisted Living Retirement Facility). The pain was intense and all consuming. I've been through child birth now and looking back, it legitimately felt like labor. I started taking Ibuprofen. Not even all the time. Just when I absolutely needed it to make it through.

I was 16 and going to Youth Group at the time and the conversation of "offering things up" (Using your suffering to pray for people) came up. I mentioned that I started taking pain medication at times because it was becoming too hard to focus at school and at work.

A grown ass man (one of the "Core Members" of the Youth Group) turned to me and said, "St. Therese would never do that. You need to step it up. Isn't God more important than a class or two?"

...

I'm 32 now. I left the Church officially 8 months ago. I went through 3 "natural" childbirths and they were hell. Each time I got stuck in transition (the hardest part) for hours, but my last one was the most traumatic. I finally let go and had a beautiful experience with an epidural for my last birth. I was just too afraid before then to give up on suffering.

It sounds so crazy now, but I admit, I still hesitate before grabbing a Tylenol (And sometimes my husband has to go grab it for me because my indoctrination is still so ingrained).

I feel so angry at how the Church romanticizes suffering. It kept me going through 4 awful Hyperemisis Gravadarum pregnancies (They are also against Birth Control, so that conversation could be an entirely separate post). It kept me from accessing medical care for the chronic pain I acquired due to all my pregnancies and childbirths, it caused me to not see legitimate problems in my marraige because I was *supposed* to suffer, be selfless, and offer things up.

Before officially leaving the Church a friend encouraged me to speak to this very popular/famous priest. I always liked him and thought of him as well balanced, so I thought I would give it a shot even though I was pretty sure I was leaving.

I expressed to him my pain of feeling abandoned by the Church as a mom of 4 young children. I shared with him stories from other young mothers; Mothers who went through life threatening situations with themselves or their babies, people who went through postpartum depression/psychosis, how difficult and imperfect NFP can be and how scary that is. I asked him for empathy.

This priest, the priest everyone in this country adores, said, "What do you want me to say? We all need to suffer in this life."

We all need to suffer.....What a perfect excuse to continue to not care about how the Church treats people. You don't have to work hard to be an advocate. You don't have to be challenged at all. You don't have to set up ministries or check on your parishioners. You don't have to work for change on a Church or a political level. You get to sit back and watch the show as people cry out for help all around you.

Suffering isn't "beautiful," like we were taught. It's bad. And we should do whatever we can to help lessen it for people.

[abracadavra]

✨ 🔮 👻 🧙🏼‍♀️

MUN INFO.

name/alias: azu. age: 21+. pronouns: he / him. timezone: ( mst ) gmt -7:00. discord: available upon request ! little trivia fact about yourself: i’ve been a massive pokémon fan since it came out in the usa... and i don’t see that changing anytime soon, to be honest. oh, and i also do drag and am naturally a huge fan of r*paul’s drag race. if you are, too, tell me all ab your fav queens! i’d looove to hear all about that!

CHARACTER INFO.

character name: ( 황미도 ) hwang mido. stage name: ( 루체 ) luce. age: 24, born 1997.02.21. zodiac sign: ☼ pisces, ☾ leo, ↑ gemini. group/band/position: solo_04.

info links or quick points about your character: bio & profile.

001.  when creating hwang mido, i took a lot of inspiration from a girl i once worked with for a winter. though we didn’t know one another for long, i’ve always been really inspired by her, and she’s genuinely one of the coolest people i’ve ever met. aside from that, there’s a dash of luna lovegood personality-wise, and the rest is mostly just me filling in any gaps. she’s a dreamy mystic who loves talking to people, asking weird questions, ignoring boundaries, and living her witchy fantasy. she’s a muse i’m really excited to watch grow during the writing / plotting process!

002.  she grew up in gurye county, south korea, but spent a lot of time in namwon, too, so she considers both of them her hometown. her grandparents are pansori performers, and she was constantly in attendance, so that’s where she first began to admire music and the performing arts in general. today, she utilizes the storytelling of pansori but adds a modern twist—focusing more on heartfelt lyrics and simplicity rather than over-the-top production value / technically strong vocals.

* tw,  parental dealth, mental illness, suicide.

003.  unbeknownst to her at the time, her mother suffered from postpartum psychosis after birth, and only a few months into her newborn’s life, she left this realm and entered the wild, expansive cosmos. her decision obviously devastated family and friends, but it also made them feel shameful due to how she chose to make her exit. mido’s family decided to keep everything a secret for many years.

004.  when a classmate’s mother let it slip that that’s what happened to her, kids at school began to alienate her. they called her cursed, a witch, and a demon—literally believing that being her friend would lead to their deaths, too. middle and high school weren’t easy, and she grew to resent her family after finding out about her mother in the hallways at school, of all places. she still deals with that trauma.

005.  she “ran away” from gurye when she was nineteen; not bothering to finish high school. she’d made friends online via soundcloud after posting some covers there. they convinced her to move to seoul and steep herself in the indie music scene. she heeded their advice. it was hard at first. she gave tarot readings curbside and busked for a long time before finding a lover ( possible connection ! ) who took her under their wing and truly helped her find her footing in the city.

006.  when she’s in love, she dissolves into her partners; often mirroring their interests and changing herself in order to be more desirable to them. she does with friends, too. she likes to consider herself adaptable and interchangeable, but it can definitely read as artificial, or like she’s trying too hard. all the bullying she faced gave her a desperate need to fit in, so she does all she can to do just that.

* tw, infidelity, drug and alcohol use / abuse.

007.  remember the lover from two points up ? yeah, she cheated on them a few different times, and also would get really messy at the clubs in hongdae. she was so new to all of it; having been so sheltered in a small town as a kid. she loves feeling good and having a good time, and she hates confrontation / making people upset, so she’d say yes to everything. she really loves the highs that drugs give her, the buzz alcohol creates, and the pleasure sex brings. she’s indulgent in that way.

008.  she hasn’t spoken to her lover and their mutual friends in ages, and took time away to sorta reflect on the mess she created / the mess she became, and invested time into herself by making a living at a saju café, improving her music-making capabilities, and remaining as sober as possible. however, after a mixtape of hers created ripples online, she’s started live sets in hongdae and is terrified that she’ll run into her old crowd, but is adamant on trying to make her dreams come true.

plots or any development you’d like to see for your character:

001.  the main plot point i’d love to explore is the dynamic between mido and her ex-lover, and if they’re not within this rp, dealing with their mutual friends / people who were aware of the falling out they all had would be dooope ngl. i left the gender of the person flexible as she’s bisexual and loves all people of all identities, so literally anyone can inquire about it! the relationship took shortly after she arrived in seoul and it turned romantic over time, but pretty quickly all things considered. specific years would be ~2016 to ~2018-ish.

002.  branching off from number 001, she cheated on this person towards the mid-to-end of their relationship with a few different people, so those connections are open too. any gender and pretty much any age so long as we’re comfy! infidelity is involved, so only inquire if that is something you’re okay with exploring / writing. totally understand if not! note, they didn’t have to have sex. it could’ve been lots of making out / emotional cheating, too.

003.  as she’s a mess who needs a little “supervision” despite being a grown ass woman, i would looove to have an individual who’s more of a benevolent / good influence on her. as she’s trying really hard to remain sober now that she’s entered the indie scene again, they’d be a shoulder for her to lean on when times get rough. she’d do her best to be there for them, too. she’s flawed, but a good friend.

004.  opposite of above, some bad influences that encourage her to take a shot or smoke some weed or drop some lsd would be pretty cool, too, just to fuck things up a little. it’ll be a lot for her to dip her toes into those waters again, but the temptation’s high and she’s one of those people that’s easily led, so...

005.  general connections like friends, enemies, friends-with-benefits, collaborators, etc. are always encouraged, too. i find that these connections are easier to build in plotting so while i have nothing specific to offer, i’m up for any ideas depending on the muses / their chem! i like the idea of collaborator / fwb blend, or even friends from her past who didn’t like her giving her a second chance, or literally whatever else fits. just gimme, gimme, gimme all of it! ♡♡♡

[harryfeatgaga]

TW: su*cide, ptsd, abortion

Paige & friends I've been absolutely hysterical the past 24 hours with this news. As someone who had an almost fatal pregnancy when I was only 22, NO ONE should be forced to be pregnant against their wishes. I was bedridden for 1/3 of my pregnancy due to complications, have actual diagnosed ptsd from my traumatic and almost deadly birth experience, and had intense postpartum psychosis that almost caused me to take my life. I love my child but I never ever want to be pregnant again and I've had two abortions in the decade since then. Both times my contraceptives failed and both times I've been acutely aware that I wouldn't survive another pregnancy so I made the decision that was best for me and my family. I wouldn't be alive if I wasn't able to make those decisions. I'm so devastated and honestly in shock that yesterday actually happened. This country doesn't care about women and actively wants to punish and control us. I can't believe this is happening in 2022 💔

I am so so sorry babe im so glad you are here today to share your story im so sorry that happened to you this whole thing is so upsetting and frustrating I cant believe its really happening

[kryptkept]

(   ellie thatcher ,   female ,   she/her  )   apparently   that's   𝐋𝐘𝐃𝐈𝐀 𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍   lurking   around   town   for   a year .   the   local   psychic   claims   they're   a   𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄   (   record store clerk   )   who's   𝟐𝟑   /   𝟒𝟓  years    old    but   she's   always   been   a   bit   unhinged .   whispers   around   town   say   they're   intrepid ,   artful   but   mordant .   honestly ,   they   remind   me   of   using pages of the bible as tinder for a fire , getting a stick & poke in your best friend’s basement , & the liberation of forsaking your savior   which   explains   why   i've   seen   them   with   an   aged rosary . 

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄.   lydia emerson  ;  born as  lydia anne morgan  . 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐒.   lydia myers  ,  sawyer augustine  ,  valerie tatum smith  ,  various others  . 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒.   lyd  ,  lydz  ,  deetz  . 𝐀𝐆𝐄.   physically 23  ;  truly 45  . 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑.   female  ;  she/her  . 𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘.   bisexual  . 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐒.   vampire  . 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.   clerk  @  quiet riot records shop  . 𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘.

(   tws for  :  abuse  ,  loss of a child  ,  alcoholism  ,  attempted murder  ,  period typical misogyny  ,  if i’ve forgotten to tag anything or you need something tagged please let me know  !   ) lydia was born in 1960 to a moderately unhappy pair looking to save both face  &  their miserable marriage  .  while they had initially been informed that they were expecting twins  ,  lydia’s sibling died in utero  &  thereafter was absorbed by lydia herself in a case of twin resorption  .  while there was little explanation for this phenomenon at the time  ,  lydia’s mother  ,  theresa  ,  was distraught  ,  under the assumption that lydia must have killed her sibling in the womb if only she had survived  ,  and began to view the child growing inside of her as something akin to the devil  .  this belief was only exacerbated by the difficult pregnancy she endured with lydia  ,  anf further stoked by her strict catholic beliefs  . after her birth  ,  theresa’s feelings remained unchanged  ;  she was a withdrawn  ,  angry mother  ,  forced to keep up the act of a perfectly quaint little family in front of friends  &  family  .  unfortunately  ,  theresa fell victim to severe postpartum depression which would devolve into full blown psychosis  .  given the time period  ,  this went largely unnoticed for the most part  ,  written off as the stress a new mother must endure for the sake of her child  .  meanwhile  ,  lydia’s father  ,  richard  ,  was of little help  .  he was similarly withdrawn but as opposed to theresa  ,  this was less rooted in hatred and more in the general apathy he faced most things with  .  coming from a broken home himself  ,  directionless in life  &  uninspired  ,  he’d long since turned to the drink as a way of coping  &  the arrival of his daughter had done little to change that  . in a hazy memory that haunts lydia to this day  ,  she can recall the day her mother wrapped both hands around her throat a the tender age of three  ,  and attempted to squeeze every last bit of life from her  .  all the while  ,  she was shrieking like a banshee about how lydia was a demon  ,  the antichrist  ,  nothing but a  plague  .  her father found them moments before lydia slipped into unconsciousness  ,  and she has little recollection of what happened between them after that  . the situation itself resulted in theresa’s departure  .  this would eventually lead to lydia being left in the care of her maternal grandparents after three more years spent with her father  ,  who spent more time under the influence than he did sober  .  her grandmother  &  grandfather were strict and very much orthodox  ,  though they  did  love her  ,  but their expectations of her were far too lofty  .  they weren’t the affectionate type  ,  but were more prone to physical rewards than words of praise or hugs  .  her childhood  &  adolescence were pockmarked with various attempts at rebellion  ;  talking back  ,  sneaking out of sunday school  ,  sneaking out at home  ,  meeting up with the outcasts in town despite often being warned to steer clear of them  ,  stealing  ,  etcetera  .  lydia was desperate to feel something and in pursuit of pleasure  ,  she continued to act out and do as she pleased  .  she began to dabble in darker things  :  the supernatural  &  the occult  ,  namely  .  she was kicked out of her home at 18 and spent her time couch surfing  . as the 80′s rolled around  ,  she delved into the world of satanism  , urged on by the need to separate herself from her heavily religious upbringing  &  the ways in which her experiences during childhood had effected her  ;  essentially  ,  a big  fuck you  to the majority of her family  ,  and to god himself  .  at this point she was on the other side of the satanic panic  ,  laughing at those that protested and screeched about unholy corruption in things like music  &  literature  . lydia was well known on the scene .  with her sharp humor and devil may care attitude  ,  she was the life of the parties she frequently attended  .  and it was during the aftermath of one such event that she would come to lose her life  :  taken with a perfect stranger  ,  she’d followed him into the darkened alleyways as the party came to a close  ,  unaware of his intentions to quite literally bleed her dry  . when she woke the following night  ,  she was in a haze  ,  wobbling like a baby deer and overcome with a hunger so intense it almost sent her toppling to the ground  .

𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍.

as opposed to some  ,  lydia accepted her fate with little complaints  .  in fact  ,  you might say she was a little  too  enthusiastic  ...  driven by thirst  ,  she slaughtered a group of college students and left them out in the open air of the park they’d been having a nighttime hangout at  .  she fled town soon after  ,  leaving behind the sunny shores of california for the emptiness of indiana  .  she began going by the name lydia myers meanwhile  . after that  ,  she never really stayed in one place for too long  .  she loved to travel  ,  enjoying her freedom immensely  ,  and found kin with the people she met along the way  .  most of these relationships were fairly fickle  ,  in the grand scheme of things  ;  most people she charmed out of necessity  .  it was nice to have a friend to call on when you needed a place to stay  ,  or a few bucks for bus fare  .  it was a genuine rarity for her to find herself truly attached to another  ,  because she feared commitment more than anything  ;  she still does  ,  in fact  .  letting someone grow close means giving them the chance to hurt you  ,  to leave you  ,  and lydia is  ...  not about that  .

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘.

though she’d initially vowed upon her departure that she’d never return to cali  ,  lydia has come slinking back  .  if you ask her why  ,  she’ll tell you it’s boredom  ,  and that much is true  —  but a pressing matter remains  :  that of her sire  .  she’s been running from him for 22 years since her turning  ,  but recently  ,  she’s felt a sharp tug on the thread that keeps them connected  .  both curious and vexed  ,  and maybe searching for an answer to a question she’s tried not to ask  ,  she’s tracked him back to ambrose  .  to support herself  ,  she’s taken up a job at the record store   (   one of the things she’s always enjoyed has been music  !   )

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘.

hello words are failing me so take some bullet point traits  .  :,) +   creative  ,  adventurous  ,  brave  ,  resourceful  ,  charismatic   (   when necessary   )  . -   manipulative  ,  sardonic  ,  evasive  ,  stubborn  ,  dishonest  ,  hotheaded .

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

hi please bring me her sire  .  i have  ... honestly too many ideas to list here because i don’t want to risk rambling for like  ,  eight paragraphs about everything lmao  .

i think it would be interesting if she ran into someone she hasn’t seen for years  .  maybe they were one of the people she used  ,  and they’re super pissed at her for how she just ghosted  .  or maybe they look back on her fondly  .

she antagonizes people for fun  .  please hate her

she’s also definitely the type to flat out tell people she’s a vampire  .  and like  ,  given her usual sarcastic  ,  jokey nature  ... people probably just take it as her messing around  .  which is even more hilarious to her  .  this could result in  :  1.  someone who constantly goes along with the ‘joke’  ,  who maybe later on finds out and either also thinks it’s funny  ,  is horrified  ,  or feels betrayed   (   to which lydz would respond with  but i told you  ?   )   2.  someone who is very suspicious of her and Does Not think it’s just a funny joke at all

𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑.

she loves going to the beach late at night  .  like  ,  the sand getting everywhere sucks  ,  but she’ll deal with it  .

she can be surprisingly generous when in a good mood  .  when she says don’t mention it  ,  she fuckin means it

loves motorcycles  ,  wants one someday

has an old polaroid camera from the 80′s that she still uses pretty frequently  .  she enjoys photography  !

i need you all to know i literally came up with her because i listened to kiss the go goat by ghost for hours on end over the span of a few days please help i can’t stop

[jonahsadvice]

Postpartum psychosis, that was something Jonah had only heard of in cases. There were reference to mother’s having it when the children were young. He had never seen it himself, but he couldn’t stop feeling guilty. Feeling that if he and Casey didn’t have a baby, she wouldn’t be sick right now. Like part of it was his fault, but at the same time, he didn’t regret their son for even a minute. With it being time for him to go back to work, he needed Casey to be seen by a doctor before he could go. And even then, he wasn’t comfortable leaving her home alone. So they would have to arrange for someone to be there part time, mainly because Jonah didn’t fully understand what was going on. He had told the doctor over the phone that Casey was going to be angry about having to come in. He honestly didn’t know how this was going to go, but he needed Casey on some level to cooperate and no hate him for making an appointment.

Jonah let out a deep breath before walking into their bedroom, knocking on the door lightly. “Case? We have your doctor’s appointment today. Are you ready?” He asked softly, eyes drifting over from the floor to her. “It won’t take long, I promise…I just need us to talk to the doctor before I go back to work.” ( @catchupcasey )

[jackbatchelor3]

"Something's really not right with Liberty." - Damon Kinsella

TW: Postpartum Psychosis