#tw hiltz

[derangedhyena-zoids]

1 of 2.  (Next>)

[finnslay]

Scratch this *happy enby who loves running noises*

I'm gonna bash my head off a wall :D

[demisexualnathanvuornos]

Angela Montenegro/Roxie Lyon Bones 4x8 The Skull in the Sculpture (2008)

[derangedhyena-zoids]

2/2. Short hc comic Blindly. (<Prev) Gets the tw Hiltz tag because... yeah.

When the latest Starset album came out, the song The Breach reminded me PAINFULLY of Hiltz and Ryss’s struggle(s) that must have existed but get nary a nod in the show.  Specifically the 2nd verse’s longing just to go home. For a long time Hiltz really did think he could find enough Zoidians to “fix things.” Not that he was ever benign/not a threat, but losing that hope is what ultimately sent him off the edge. 

[derangedhyena-zoids]

two extreme opposite ends of the relationship scale, here.... art’s kinda shit right now but I’m tired, will have better things soon.

[derangedhyena-zoids]

bunch of recent-ish sketches that may or may not ever be finished, idk. I’ve mainly been doing writing/comic stuff poorly, but

[derangedhyena-zoids]

imagine trying to tell a soulless brick wall anything vaguely resembling an opinion or feeling yeaahhhh...

[derangedhyena-zoids]

Pantheon

So, Pantheon has two beginnings - this actual one (ft. Hiltz torturing someone to death) and the one for people who really aren’t interested in viewing Hiltz being Hiltz. 

It’s tagged. Don’t look at it if you don’t want to see it. 

If you look at it anyways and don’t like it, that’s a you problem. Pantheon Part 1a | Pantheon Part 1b

[derangedhyena-zoids]

putting Hiltz-being-shitty sketchcrap under a cut just in case.

what’s wrong? (nothing.)

[derangedhyena-zoids]

you know 'tw Hiltz?'

This is where it applies.

9 pages. It isn't NSFW, but it's under a cut because... lots of reasons. music would be like... The Wicked Ones. 

[derangedhyena-zoids]

Hey look, how unfortunate, it's Hiltz shitpost time

I don't even know what I'm writing yet but I'm putting it under a cut regardless 

as I've talked about before, Hiltz is a Complete Monster. From any rational, human point of view he's far beyond any redemption. Nobody's arguing that.

thing is, 99.9% of that is the fact that from his POV - which is not human, (nor, later, rational) he hasn't a single reason to care, and does not.

so. yeah. that’s literally most of what makes him so mindbendingly horrifying to everyone. because they're nothing. worthless vermin there for his use, entertainment, and not much else. he already had issues with other Zoidians ffs

I do, however, want to share some of my internal screaming, externally:

-Hiltz was legitimately in a one-man fight against the fucking world and ALMOST WON

-Hiltz was completely pissed off at everything (esp. after what happened in 'Worthless') and... basically just stayed that way. Ambient was HIS ONLY FRIEND, PERIOD

-(and when you're besties with someone whose main hobby is being a manipulative bitch while completely disregarding the majority of extant life you tend not to have many friends yourself. like. at all)

-which is why I'm actually slightly upset how shit it is that Hiltz's dumbass decisions fucked up the idiot sandwich who did not deserve this at all. Ambient is a good dog >:(

-please understand that the relationship between a Zoidian and their organoid is about as solid as is the relationship between them and their fucking limbs. Obviously Hiltz and Ambient got up to a lot Back In The Day(tm), but in CC times Hiltz had been pretty profoundly fucked up, not only by what happened pre-CC but by what continued to happen. These issues were the only reason it was even possible for a wedge to be driven between them.  

-BY THE WAY, AMBIENT ALREADY HAD SAVED HILTZ'S DUMB ASS ONCE FROM BEING CHEWED UP BY ONE. then they just watched Prozen get chewed up because, well, free entertainment

-you've got to imagine Hiltz was absolutely Done with things, exhausted, angry, but had no one to actually express this to besides Ambient. Ambient didn't have the massive pile of shit experiences to deal with prior CC/GF times, he just woke up and found Hiltz already in a dumpster. on fire.   -and that fire just continually got worse.

-which led to a very, very negative feedback loop of Ambient always overextending himself to try and improve things, which led to Hiltz demanding more of him, which led to Ambient trying harder to please him, which led to more demands..

-things didn't truly crater until the Death Stinger. the secondhand damage done to Hiltz (by Ambient! accidentally!) is more-or-less what did him in

-if Ambient ever figures this out it's going to be bad

-honestly I'm constantly wondering what the fuck has caused this entire horrible mess to exist in my head because I never asked for any of this, why is this the story I'm telling? I have no idea

-('but what about Ryss?' well, I mean. what about her? Hiltz mainly wanted to fuck Ryss. Hiltz tried, as best he was functionally able, to be nice to her - because he was lonely! Buuuut between viewing her as a literal lesser and being unable to deal with her human sympathizing, their actual relationship was a mess. also this just gets worse and worse and worse because she also initially viewed him more like a guardian because of the age/maturity difference, please end me) in conclusion,  *head in hands*

[derangedhyena-zoids]

So now that I have a chance to write this in an orderly manner:

In my land of things, Hiltz is a Complete Monster. 

I only work with two* Complete Monsters in any of my stories, and the other one is technically abandoned, so. I don't have a lot of real estate for the explorations that come with these kinds of characters just because they tend to fucking bend space around them and make the whole story darker just because they're in it. Not every story I have is down for this, nor am I. so.

(*there is another character in KB  that is kind of this, but [it's complicated, and] their innate lack of emotional depth makes them not really... the same. being indifferent to abuse vs being oblivious to it is a big divider imo)

Despite the backstory comic I just made, I'm not trying make him sympathetic. That piece is just a tiny, specific, show-relevant slice of backstory that I've had in-mind for a LONG while because it was sorely missing. It exists just as much to "explain" him as it does point out that there were steep ethical issues involved with humans obliviously dredging up the past. Plus plants a flag in what relevance I think Hiltz actually had to the death of Raven's parents. I've always wanted someone to make something for that span of time and to my knowledge no one has. So.

My Hiltz backstory IN ZOIDIAN TIMES would very quickly paint him in a different light, and that's more-or-less why he essentially does a backflip and accelerates past the Moral Event Horizon fast in my canon because he was already there, just wasn't whole and hale enough to recall it. Also keep in mind that he's narrating the backstory piece (by necessity) so of course he's presented well.

He was part of a group that was already on an outright genocidal crusade against other Zoidians (and Zoids, and Organoids) who weren't "strong" enough and therefore deserved to die for the betterment of the species. That group got heavily into the power of the primal (you know, the four F's... except for them it was more like 3) because of the viciously positive feedback loop it set up. Their unyielding brutality was incompatible with the... you know, DECENT society other groups were trying to maintain. Hence big war, big apocalypse.

The events that led up to the Death Saurer/Death Scorpion took a long, excruciating time, over which the group Hiltz was part of chewed through the fabric of society like a cancer. Part of what made things really bad was the creeping conversion to the "winning" side's way of thinking. The assault on their society was both outright (active attacks on peaceful settlements) and insidious (attempts to convert, planting people in key positions/institutions, etc).

Once Hiltz got his wits about him in CC-times and realized what had happened, he felt obligated to do something to erase humanity - which was many times worse than even the most "inferior" Zoidian. The issues being, during his early time among humans he lost a fair amount of his mental stability because they did not treat him well (read: vivisected, and unintentionally they basically starved him), and he was kept in isolation. This damage was compounded by the lack of having Ambient around - Zoidians don't do well without their Organoids, and especially in that group they'd become over-reliant on them.  

So... Hiltz started out pretty penalized on the sanity front. (The only reason he just didn't up and die was because he was so strong-willed)

Then he realized the futility of his entire, prior belief system, life and efforts up to that point given that Zoidians were basically a dead race (hence his wide nihilistic streak) ... then let himself be tempted by One... then was basically, inadvertently mentally stabbed to death by Ambient carrying around the shard of One... then (in his mind) was betrayed by Ryss. And, you know, the whole Death Stinger power trip thing didn't help. There was very little good about him to begin with, but by GF there just Wasn't Any. He was completely ax-crazy.

But let me back up a little bit. 

Let's consider that tetchy canon timeline.

Per the math, Ryss being found in the Imperial village with Nicholai happened 3 years prior to when Hiltz retrieved Ambient & Raven's parents were killed. The Republican army attacked that village and took young Ryss, but given that Prozen had all the information about that village and its associated events restricted/classified, I'm going to make a relatively safe assumption that he had Imperial forces shitkick the Republican ones shortly thereafter and they took possession of Ryss.  

Ryss wasn't treated as badly as Hiltz was, but she wasn't treated especially well either. She had Specula so fared much better overall, but... she had Specula and people kept trying to mess with/take Specula away and THAT wasn't great. However, the Imperial Army - aggressively subverting expectations - was far more conservative in their Zoidian research so never did anything too drastic. Ryss was also incredibly hostile because she was afraid. She barely knew the language, and the range of traumatizing human behaviors she’d seen didn't help much.

Hiltz lived in that small colony during this timeframe, oblivious. Several years later though, after recovering his memory, he sought out the opposing faction, because fuck the Republicans and he needed resources to do anything. He figured he could talk, teleport, and brute force his way around - and he was right, and very soon was acquainted with Prozen.

And here's where I'm going to put up some 'sensitive subject' caution tape.

Shortly after that is when he learned they had a young ancient Zoidian girl in their custody. Obviously this was INCREDIBLY relevant to Hiltz's interests - remember, at that point he wasn't aware of any other living Zoidians, and from what he learned from the Scholar had become concerned that most that would've otherwise survived, had been killed.

So Hiltz is introduced to Ryss, who's matured a little but she's still the Zoidian equivalent of a preteen.

Remember: Hiltz is from the Big On Genocide group and to anyone who knows what's up, it's written all over him. Ryss is from a smaller clan that was specifically targeted by Hiltz's group so of course she's torn between being absolutely terrified and being glad that someone who speaks her language and understands Organoids exists at all.

Hiltz explained the situation as he understood it, and worked to gain Ryss's trust by basically denouncing his association with his group. He put an end to her being held against her will, and they stayed together from then on. But let's be real. Hiltz wanted to fuck her six ways from Sunday. And she was VERY aware of this. And he knew she was very aware of this. So on and so forth. (read: at this point in time Ryss found she could easily exert control over exactly one person and did so. Much to Hiltz’s chagrin.) 

However, not only were there functional issues with this (eg Specula wasn't fully sexually mature, which tl;drs into "Ryss wasn't yet either" - and obviously part of Hiltz's interest was reproduction), Hiltz also did have the sense to not... you know, rape a child. He did genuinely want Ryss to trust him, work with him, and - hey, you know, maybe even -want- to be his mate? Pickings were slim after all, but there wasn't any reason they couldn't make the best of a bad situation. (maybe he might have tried “not constantly thinking of her as a lesser” but okay)

So everyone grew up some more and hooray, Guardian Force.

Thing is, Hiltz was an angry, mentally-unstable person with a slow but vicious temper, and though Ryss rarely caught sight of that, his wanton violence was a bit scary. Ryss also began to sympathize more with humans over time, which Hiltz couldn't stand. Ryss especially sympathized with Raven, who she initially was just intrigued by, but then she kiiiind of fell for him.        

[insert that short comic, Collapse.]

I have no intention, never have had any intention, of portraying Hiltz positively. In my canon he's a disgusting, broken, shambling mess with offensively high Charisma and I thematically like the idea of his atrocious scattering of a lineage having to deal with all the problems that'd come with (also, hi: the whole thing with anyone of Zoidian blood feeling compelled to Zoids and especially Organoids? Is a sort of allegory for addiction, which... yanno, runs in families)

k? k.

Oh and Ambient is an aggressively problematic pile of shit also. He's just as vicious as Hiltz. Aren't we excited to have him show up in NC? HAHAH FUCK.

Organoids are their own entities, though. He's not just some strange extension of Hiltz's personality. He's his own "person" - one who's been a delighted participant in -many, many- atrocious acts. He's arrogant and prideful, he's got a dark sense of humor and is loyal to a fault. He just doesn't have a handle on the problems One has caused him, and it's gnawed at him for years. (and unlike the older canon version, he's not completely lost his mind or anything - but depressed wallowing in a pit of failure and hate for years isn't really healthy.)

He's also held on to grudges for dear life, because otherwise the vastness of existence w/o partners for a hugely social creature was untenable.

Basically, I think there may be some hope for him to be turned around as a character. Hiltz - nope, never.

[derangedhyena-zoids]

I mentioned prior that I needed to adjust some of the pre-CC backstory-timeline due to an error; fortunately it really doesn’t impact or change anything I’ve established (just not-yet-elaborated upon events get moved and Misaligned gets scooted, relatively) the interesting tl;dr to come out of this: it means Ryss spent several years as a “prisoner” of the Empire before Hiltz showed up.

I’ve already firmly established that they didn’t treat her poorly or anything. Especially in contrast to how the Republic treated Hiltz. One of many factors that led to her Very Different attitude towards humans. The main one remaining Nichalo obviously. But. She wasn’t free to leave or just do whatever. She also had Baby Psychic Powers that ranged from vaguely dangerous to really annoying (read: kids don’t fully grow into those sorts of abilities ‘til they’re older.) Specula also would’ve been so hair-trigger about everything, just. Yikes.  The main thing to consider is that she would’ve spent that entire time in serious language-barrier land. And would’ve had to get around some of the dietary issues (thouuuugh they probably weren’t as bad for her overall just because Reasons That Are Too Long For This Post.) So this makes her unhealthy attachment to Hiltz (despite their None compatibility) make way more sense, because he showed up and COULD TALK TO HER. And “free” her from being “prisoner.” [internal screaming]   ლ(ಠ_ಠ  )

and Spec would still be all ‘that’s nice you’re a fucking beast get the fuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk out of here holy shit bad vibes bad vibes’ I’ll set up a proper timeline eventually. It’ll be relative though because there’s just no dates for anything. and lmao a Ziian year isn’t technically our year and how do I even............ I’m sure people were trying to communicate with Ryss and had probably had some language-exchange over that time, but Hiltz would’ve actually brought Proper Human Language(tm) into the picture so she knew it. I’m sure there’s so many fucking zoidian things that don’t translate well and I just imagine Hiltz all the time like 

[derangedhyena-zoids]

hiltz in zoidian times doing hiltz things, like being mad about unrelated stuff while slaughtering defenseless folks, because sure I guess. 

[derangedhyena-zoids]

‘there is no one as dangerous as he or she who has nothing to lose’

[derangedhyena-zoids]

also. was going to write something a lot longer. but decided against it right now because I’m busy. so just:

if you honestly look at what little canon material exists for Hiltz - he is undoubtedly delusional (going to repopulate the planet how exactly), genocidal (he makes no bones about it), sociopathic (demonstrably gives not a single shit), manipulative (Ryss. all the goons. Dark Kaiser. etc) and smart af (Zoidians are already presented as above average and Hiltz demonstrably masterminded a lot.)  Sure, yes, put mildly he’s the big bad. He is also a horrible person (and a ‘good place’ to explore very personally uncomfortable topics.) I cue off canon in this house. I don’t personally think it’s any kind of stretch, at all, to add “rapist” and general predator to the horrible-person resume. In fact as a writer I’d feel it necessary to justify if he was not.    we’re not given any depth so Hiltz comes across as generically antagonistic. Given the anime’s content ceiling though (which, you have to remember - a lot was cut from the dub, the original’s ceiling is higher than you think) he’s basically at the top. The first episode he shows up in, he murders a guy on screen for what amounts to a mild screw-up. In a kid’s show.  If GF had been a more mature anime I’ve personally little doubt Hiltz would’ve been nastier and more terrifying in just about every dimension. Though it’s largely neutered by the dub, he’s basically shown mingling with and using the dregs of society at will. That’s not what wholesome characters do.    And I mean. if you really want a potential ick factor, canon actually provides it:    Hiltz pretty obviously has a desire to cancel humanity and re-instate/re-populate Zoidians. Hiltz was an adult when Raven was a young child.  5 years (stated) between that point in time and Raven maturing to CC age.  2 years (stated) between CC and Guardian Force (though personally I push this to at least 4 because 2 doesn’t make sense to me. but 2 is canon) 10 years (stated) since Nicholai was killed/Ryss was found at what looked to be CC-Fiona’s age.  YMMV on when you have Hiltz and Ryss being in the same space. But that’s a little uncomfortable.