#tw and cw for suicide mention | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theprodigypenguin · 1 year ago

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It's the last week of September which means the last week of Su!c!de Awareness and Prevention Month (you should always be mindful even if it's not September but it's still rad there's a month dedicated to it).

I don't talk about it much myself cuz it's pretty personal, but as someone who's attempted a few times I like to imagine I have a decent enough reason to be loud and obnoxious about it :) especially when talking about reasons that I'm happy I didn't end up completing.

For example I never would've seen Luffy unlock Gear 5 😩❤️ I never would've seen Sabo again, or watched the Jurassic World Trilogy. I love those movies so much.

I never would've met my friend M, who is now my irl best friend and possibly the closest friend I've ever had before. She had such a monumental impact on me, I even discovered my career thanks to her encouragement.

I also never would've met some of my closest fandom friends like Kel ❤️ my writing never would have gotten to the level it's at now ❤️ I never would have met my roommate who's definitely part of my found family ❤️ I never would have been able to adopt my little Kotatsu, and who knows where she'd be if I hadn't taken her home?

I never would have gotten the chance to get so many tattoos, and I intend to get many more, so I can't be dying yet either 💪

I'm exhausted and the world is kind of a mess, but I'm not entirely upset I continuously failed to delete myself from the game before it had even gotten good; and I foolishly still have hope that it'll get better. I think I'm too jaded and stubborn to think otherwise anymore. Shit sucks, but one time when I was at the store this random older guy gave me a rose just because (he gave them to everyone in line). And my cat makes squeaky sounds when she yawns. And there's this stray cat I call Bikepath who always comes up to say hi to me when I go on walks. And it rained last Monday. And it's almost Halloween. And I bought myself donuts the other day. And my boss says I was born to be a baker. And my other boss says I make really pretty cupcakes. And I got my roommate the coolest gifts for Christmas and can't wait to see his face when he opens them. And the One Piece Live Action is INCREDIBLE. And Sabo will be showing back up in the anime soon. And I just got a new laptop which has been helping me write more. And Kel bought me my first ever Pokémon game. And coffee is pretty damn delicious. And I saw the chunkier honey bee in the actual world sitting on a sunflower the other day. And I get to see my cat when I get home from work. And I bake cookies and cakes for a living. And I've been self funding tons of Sabo themed enamel pins lately and I need all of them finished and in my hands. And did I mention Sabo? Oh yeah and Dragon too. And One Republic put out a 2023 version of Counting Stars that fucking kills. And the band Citizen Soldier exists.

Things are okay I guess.

#suicide prevention #prodi vents #tw and cw for suicide mention #but this is a feel good post

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signanothername · 4 months ago

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Reading your head canon, I am surprised that each Murder agreed to work with Nightmare instead of a duel to death and be passively aggressive instead of fully aggressive and non-compliant, and use any knowledge of Nightmare and Killer to hit them where it hurts. Since Nightmare cannot destroy AUs like Error, Murder's only fear would be his own death, not due to the pain, but because of his own self-penance to haunt Dusttale alone and stop the human. Like when he is "recruited" by Nightmare or as you mention in your head canon, brought back by Killer, I would still think Murder would make sure the fights either end with his win or his death. After all, Murder values his autonomy and freedom. Because even if Murder is an adaptive, intelligent tactician, he is still a mortal compared to Nightmare, he would realize he has reached a dead end, so death is the only option, compared to working with two people that remind of the human that he hates. Well, the only reason I see Murder pretending to be compliant is to probably plan a betrayal and join Dream, as Dream is the only weapon against Nightmare, maybe even try to train him, because he doesn't care about Dream, but Nightmare is as bad or worse than the human, so by Murder's logic, he should be put down. Otherwise he has no ability to travel home or power to harm Nightmare, so as mentioned above death is the only other option. Over all, it could be argued that every Murder!Sans has a lot of reasons to defy or fight Nightmare, even if it causes his death. Plus I still think Murder vs Killer wouldn't be so one sided for Killer, since Murder, as Sans spent more time improving his skills during the resets compared to the loads Killer, as Sans spent fighting Chara over and over. So beside loading, I still think Murder might have an edge in battle experience and intelligence.

The ask Anon is referring to for context <33

Oh Murder was not compliant, not at all Anon, in fact, that’s exactly why I think Murder gets replaced the most, it’s because of how non-compliant he is, I don’t think Murder would ever agree to join the gang, I never said he would

You’ll notice I only talked about his passive aggressiveness with Killer specifically in the Murder Time Trio ask, and in fact, do talk about how Murder would pry into Killer’s private matters all just to piss him off, I never went on about Murder’s relationship with Nightmare in depth

And I didn’t go in depth cause the previous ask was for the Murder Time Trio as a whole, and their relationship with each other, so I couldn’t just talk about Murder in depth or in much detail as I wanted cause otherwise I would’ve absolutely diverted from the main point of that ask

But now that I have this beautiful ask I can actually go in depth as much as I want >:)

And you’re absolutely right that Nightmare can’t destroy AUs, the most Nightmare could do is lay waste to the Au, but Dusttale is already a wasteland so nothing much Nightmare could do there, that’s exactly why I say that Murder would try his luck and run back to his Au (and continue on doing it over and over), and it’s exactly why I say that Nightmare struggles with controlling Murder the most, cause Nightmare has no true power over him mentally, Murder doesn’t care about dying by Nightmare’s hand and he knows he could try his luck as much as Nightmare’s patience allows

Murder would definitely perfer death over being under Nightmare, cause if he can’t be useful enough to save his Au from the human what’s the point?

In fact allow me to be bold and say that I wholeheartedly believe Murder is also the hardest to “recruit” by Nightmare, cause I genuinely believe that in some timelines, the Murder that was supposed to be recruited by Nightmare just offed himself before Nightmare could get ahold of him, cause again, better death than be taken away from his Au, something that Nightmare has grown wise to and usually tries to knock Murder out before he tries such extreme measures, then later Nightmare controls Murder in certain ways once he’s got Murder under him

But here’s the thing, when we talk about Murder and Nightmare’s relationship, only looking at one side of the coin (in this context Murder) is missing the point in my humble opinion, cause yes, Murder does prefer death, and yes Murder would be aggressive and noncompliant, but how does Nightmare deal with that? Cause in every relationship there are multiple sides to look at, not just one

Cause while Murder prefers death, wouldn’t it make sense to also believe that Murder would want to preserve his life to be able to get back to his Au and stop the human? I mean Murder cares this much about his Au doesn’t he?

And that’s exactly why I previously mentioned Nightmare’s emotional/mental manipulation tactics, Nightmare knows Murder would try to preserve his life IF he has hope he can get back to his Au, so Nightmare LETS Murder get back to his Au from time to time, all to give Murder the false hope that he can get away, that false hope contributes to Murder thinking that death isn’t the only way out, further lengthening Murder’s stay under Nightmare, all while Nightmare uses the “you can go back to your Aus” card as some sort of reward for “good work”, to condition Murder to (very reluctantly) work for Nightmare to get this “reward”, all while “bad behavior” aka Murder trying to run back to his Au on his own (which literally doesn’t work cause Murder doesn’t have the ability to hop between Aus) means Nightmare punishes Murder by forbidding him from going to his Au, which usually ends with Murder clawing at Nightmare, which only further worsens his punishment

So as time goes on you can imagine Nightmare understanding Murder enough to be able to get to a point in which he can condition Murder enough so he becomes a bit less hostile just to get his chances to get back to his Au, only to be dragged back by Killer when Nightmare deems Murder has had enough “home time”

And here’s an interesting question, why won’t Nightmare go himself to get Murder back from his Au? It’ll be a lot easier and less time and source consuming wouldn’t it?

And to me? No it’s not cause he’s an all mighty King and he just sits on his ass doing nothing and lets his underlings do the dirty work for him (cause while i believe Nightmare deems some things as “beneath him” I despise the idea that Nightmare is an absolute lazy bitch that doesn’t do anything but monologue, which is why I interpret Nightmare my own way) in fact, I like to think Nightmare is so fucking obsessed with being in control, that in fact he’s sure to keep everything under his watchful eye, he knows every little thing about his prey (in this instance it’s the Murder Time Trio) he knows what they do, how, and when, he knows every little weakness and every little strength they hold, he understands them to the littlest detail in order to keep control over them

And in my interpretation of Nightmare, sending Killer instead of going himself is just another manipulation tactic, Nightmare knows Murder would be a bit confident in his ability to fight (and even win) against Killer, something that he won’t believe if it was Nightmare himself that came to get him, it further engraves that false hope that Murder can get away one day, if (or “when” in Murder’s view) he wins against Killer

Which brings me to the question, is Killer vs Murder one sided for Killer? No I don’t believe it is, in fact I agree that Murder has spent his time refining his skills and experience, however, let’s not forget Killer also is just as intelligent as Murder is, I for one think Killer and Murder are almost on bar with each other in terms of who wins or loses

I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not biased towards Killer, cause I definitely am, it’s very obvious that he’s my favorite, so please don’t take my interpretation as an objective correct analysis of their fight, i’ll be simply talking from my humble (very biased) opinion

However if we think logically, Killer has a few things Murder doesn’t, and these would be 1-inability to recognize his body’s limit, 2-his soul’s stages, and 3-a much higher LV than Murder’s

Murder is at LV 19 mostly, Killer, while Rahafwabas has stated they’ll leave it up to interpretation, has been shown in a comic to have a glitched LV of 99999, which in my opinion makes sense considering the Determination Killer’s soul holds, and it automatically means that Killer’s stronger than Murder (if we wanted to get technical at least)

But I don’t like technicalities in analysis of fights so that brings me to the points I’m actually interested in

Something to keep in mind, is that Killer is also just as intelligent as Murder is, Killer’s mind moves just as quick as his body moves, he improvises mid battle and is generally very unpredictable, and to top it all off, Killer fights dirty, he uses any means necessary, and he doesn’t rely on raw power, but on his mind to win

Killer is also extremely observant and has a tendency to study people under a microscope, all while pretending he’s the stupidest most idiotic bitch you ever met, so Killer probably has Murder’s weaknesses memorized and probably already studied Murder enough to know how to deal with him during a battle

Not to mention, if we talk about how much experience each of them holds, then it’s really up for interpretation, cause listen, in my interpretation, I believe Murder has amazing experience, but you’re also talking about Killer, who worked under Nightmare before any of the others, meaning Killer not only has just as much experience, but Killer’s experience is vast and varied, as he fights a variety of people from completely different Aus, with different levels of powers/ intelligence, all while Murder only fights the same people under the same circumstances over and over (then again, this is really up for interpretation, your interpretation of whether Killer worked under Nightmare first or not could be different, i’m only talking from my own point of view, it’s not a hard fast truth or a correct objective interpretation, so please feel free to disagree <333)

Killer (at stage 2) doesn’t recognize his body’s limits, he in fact, thrives on pain, Killer could literally reach the point where his body would collapse at any second and yet still fight like it’s nothing, he’ll go beyond that point, Murder won’t, once Murder’s body reaches its limit it’ll immediately mean he lost, cause Killer won’t stop until A-his mission is complete and he dragged Murder back, or B-he’s dead, there’s no in between for stage 2 Killer

Which brings me to the point you mentioned which is the loading, whether Killer can save and load is really up for interpretation, cause as far as I know, there’s no canonical info on whether he can save and load, but I for one, believe he can, and how long can Murder hold his own against Killer before Murder reaches his limit? When Killer holds the same power the human (who Murder keeps losing to) holds?

Another thing to keep in mind is Killer’s stages, they provide a great advantage in terms of fighting, cause while I believe Murder can absolutely hold his own against stage 2 Killer, I don’t believe he’ll have much advantage against stage 3 Killer, and he sure as hell will not ba able to keep up against a stage 4 Killer, now whether Murder would trigger Killer enough to reach stage 3 and 4 is really up to you and what you like to think, I for one think if Murder knew about Killer’s stages, he’d be smart enough not to trigger Killer to reach those stages cause he would know he won’t win if Killer did reach them, however if Murder doesn’t know about his stages, then the possibility of Murder triggering Killer into stage 3 or 4 on accident is possible, which will not end on a good note for Murder

All that aside, do I believe that Killer always wins against Murder? No not at all, I actually like to believe that sometimes Killer wins, other times Murder wins, and other times? Killer had taken his sweet time trying to get Murder who was holding his own pretty well, that Nightmare shows up himself to take care of it (usually Nightmare would be very pissed at both of them, resulting in Killer and Murder paying grave consequences)

As for Murder working with Dream, I honestly can’t see Murder having the patience to actually work with him, cause each second he spends with Dream is another second away from his Au, and I believe Murder is smart enough to know Nightmare isn’t very easy to take down, other than the raw power and intelligence Nightmare holds, if Dream was truly able to take him down Murder would think Dream would’ve already done it, Murder is intelligent enough to recognize working with Dream would be a waste of time and effort that could’ve been used on much more important matters (such as getting back to his Au)

The only reason I’d see Murder making contact with Dream at all is to only request that Dream open a portal to his Au, only to realize whoops!! Dream can’t open a portal to a place filled with negativity, which only would frustrate the shit outta Murder

Murder’s circumstance really makes me sad ngl, the guy just wants to be back home dammit 😔

#sup i’m back to answering asks >:)#anothers art #anothers ask #dusttale #dreamtale #something new #murder sans #dust sans #nightmare sans #killer sans #suicide mention #suicide #suicide tw #suicide cw

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