#tuxedogirl

[wtl-archive]

What happened between the creators of this AU? Was there drama and/or toxicity that broke down friendships?

Short answer:

Some Grade-A bullshit, and yes.

Long answer:

What happened was a million little things that escalated into not-so-little things, that escalated into very big things, that escalated into the complete destruction of my psyche and by extension this project. There's no single thing that tore it all apart, which is why it's so frustrating to talk about, even more so hearing other people get it all wrong.

I would be lying if I said if I wasn't partially responsible for what's happened, and I'm not going to lie to you. I've done more than enough of that.

I fucked up. I was an idiot. I did stupid and bad things I shouldn't have. If I had the power to go back in time, I would've done things differently.

I'm not exactly sure when things started to fall apart. It was like I was the frog in the pot being slowly boiled alive, not realizing how much danger I was in and how stupid I was being until it was too late.

Working on this AU, as much as I loved it and still love it, it drove me crazy. I mean, my mental health wasn't exactly the best going into it, but I've never felt so empty and angry like I did then, and yet it was the only thing keeping me going. I felt terrible when I wasn't working on it but when I was, I was stressed and frustrated. It was just this endless insanity spiral.

*sigh* I'm getting ahead of myself.

The people who worked on this AU are not bad people. I think it's important I preface with that. Some of them are far too gullible for their own good, but being stupid doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that nothing has taught you to be cautious yet. I don't have the highest opinions of some of them, but at the end of the day they're just that; opinions. There are no bad people, just hurt people that have far more reach and the potential to cause far more damage than they realize, just naïve people who have the misfortune of being an easy target and being naturally louder than everyone else, just broken people that need more than a few kind words to fix them, just misguided people that don't have enough experience points invested in their Wisdom stat to tell them when they're being played, just people that have good intentions and no idea how to use them, just people that are fundamentally incompatible.

For all of my frustrations, and as much as I'd like to, I can't bring myself to properly hate some of these people. Even when I've tried talking about this with folks who've got no context for any of it, I feel like I'm constantly trying to defend them despite how much the things they've done piss me off.

My only desire is that this story be told correctly. I hope you can understand how incredibly fucking obnoxious it is to see the people with the biggest microphones and the least amount of context spewing utter nonsense out of their mouths will full confidence despite having no goddamn idea what they're talking about.

Anyway... at the core of this, yes, it was broken friendships that forced the AU to be discontinued. I really don't want to use the term "toxic" though. I've noticed this trend of over-the-counter therapy buzzwords being tossed around in online spaces (Tumblr, Twitter and TikTok being by far the worst offenders) when they don't feel very applicable once you think about it for more than like 15 minutes. I've caught myself doing it more often too, now that this site and the people on it have sufficiently rotted my brain, but I'm trying to be better about it.

I keep getting sidetracked, but - while "Yeah, we stopped being friends so we stopped doing the AU too," isn't an incorrect assessment of the situation, I think it massively over simplifies what happened and understates how much it destroyed my sanity, which I might be okay with if it was just left at that and not turned into a slander campaign. Not to mention, it makes it really fucking easy for everyone else to completely ignore and lie about my side of the story, as if being the foreigner and the newbie didn't make that easy enough already.

Just about everything I could say "Yes" to has some sort of asterisk behind it. Context is king and summaries take away the context.

Yes, some of my so called friends tried to help me (not like I had much of choice in saying no despite my best efforts), except when I finally let my walls down a little and decided to trust someone, it blew up in my face! You know how much it sucks to tell someone "I really would rather not talk about this because the things I have to say are really fucked up, and you're not gonna wanna hear it despite how much you're begging for it," several fucking times, and when they insist over and over that they can handle it and it'll be okay Nugget, you can trust me, I won't tell anyone only for it to be painfully obvious that they can't handle it and you can't trust them once you finally cave in and start talking? You know how much it sucks to be poked at over and over and over again, and when you've had enough and finally snap people just think you're crazy? You know how much it sucks to be told to just talk it out over and over again despite it doing absolutely nothing and it all being a big waste of time? To be told that your words mean nothing and no matter how much you try all you ever do is fuck up and make things worse? Yeah, some help that was.

Yes, I posted DMs, only after I realized people were sharing mine, and only after I got banned from my own Discord server for shit that wasn't even true, and only after I found out that there was an entire sperate server made just to talk shit about me behind my back, and only after I got blacklisted on Tumblr by my mutuals because people were telling them a bunch of fucking lies, and only after my sister of all people got a message accusing me of plotting a murder, and only after my ex got recruited to participate in this pile of shit being thrown my way (God, what a terrible, disrespectful judgment of his character... he's my ex, not my nemesis, we're still friends and he loves and cares about me a lot, I cannot overstate how much that pissed me off), and only after I got accused of drawing sexual harassment of characters that weren't mine in a callout post filled to the brim with bullshit (totally untrue btw... still baffled as to where this claim came from), and only after every other possible avenue of defending myself and saying "Hey, actually that's bullshit and you know it," was taken away from me.

Yes, I have a venting side blog, WHICH THESE PEOPLE WERE BLOCKED FROM, and that has probably the worlds biggest disclaimer as a pinned post explaining the purpose of the blog, something that repeatedly gets swept under the rug every time it gets mentioned. I'm supposed to feel sorry because a bunch of people are nosey and like to jump to conclusions?? Give me a fucking break. I blocked about half a dozen people from my side blog a few months after I made it specifically because I knew exactly what kind of reaction it would garner if they new it existed. They can't handle me being a little upset on Discord, of course I knew that blog would make them lose their fucking minds! I mean this is the same group of people that struggle to say the word 'pregnant', my expectations weren't exactly the highest, that's why they were blocked! And as usual, my paranoia was completely correct! They found out about it and look what happened! Maybe if my fears weren't confirmed at every possible turn I wouldn't feel the need to be so reactive.

Yes, I keep chat logs, no, that is not what stalking means despite everyone's insistence on using that word. Information visible on your public internet profile is not stalking either. Neither is using Google Analytics, something available to literally every tumblr user for free on any of their blogs and something that is used by advertisers to be much nosier than I would ever need to be. I only started keeping chat logs because I had my suspicions that something funky was going on I wanted to keep receipts (and I'm a natural hoarder anyway... I don't like to delete stuff if I don't have to). I understand that it's a weird thing to do, but it's not fucking illegal to keep an offline copy of something you would have access to with an internet connection. This is a feature partially built into Discord, by the way (Though it's definitely easier and more inclusive with a third party application). In fact, most chat services will allow you to download a copy of your messages. If not the entire conversation, then at least the message you sent. Wild to me that people are totally unaware of how mush shit online gets tracked and recorded in some way shape or form, it's like the concept of a digital footprint does not exist in their minds at all.

Yes, I was not the best at managing this project and I've never denied this. I've apologized for it several times, and I tried my best to do better. I've apologized for things that weren't even my fault. I've said sorry so many times it doesn't even feel like a real word anymore. I do not have a time machine to fix every mistake I've made, so unless someone wants to give me a schematic for one, I kindly ask that you shut the fuck up. I beat myself up enough every time something goes wrong, I don't need everyone else to constantly tell me how shitty I am too.

I tried so hard to do a good job running this project despite it growing to be way bigger than I ever expected or intended it to be. I tried to take everyone's input into consideration, I tried to please as many people as I could.

You want more than just a cameo? Sure, you can make your own timeline, that sounds like fun. (x2)

You hate Connie and anything to do with her character? Sounds like you just wanna fuck Steven and you're jealous, especially considering the other people in this fandom you like to hang out with, but okay, I'll do my best to keep Connie x Steven out of as many channels as I can.

You say these two clowns are mean to you in your DMs and want me to fix it for you? Seems like personal beef you should be dealing with yourself, but since they're causing some problems in my server too let's try to talk to them and make it seem like I'm the one who's upset with them so you don't have to be the bad guy or have any sort of backbone (you can guess how well that went).

You're worried these side blogs have too many spoilers even if they're hidden? You think these posts shouldn't be on the main blog anymore? A completely valid concern, I'll delete them.

You think it's annoying to hear people talk about FNAF when you don't know about it (even though I've heard people talk about Deltarune for weeks despite not giving a singular shit about anything Undertale related)? Okay, I'll make some new channels just for you.

You say I don't give you enough credit for your work? Okay, that's fair, here's a special Discord role so people know that you've worked really hard and announcement to make it clear that's what it's for.

You don't think you're getting enough appreciation for working on these characters? Okay, you've done a lot for them, you can have them. I'll make sure everyone knows that you've done a lot of work on them, you can even review what I'm going to say about it before I make it public.

You don't wanna tell these other people working on the AU that they hurt your feelings 'cause you're too much of a pussy to do it yourself? Fine, I'll go ask them to apologize to you even though I don't really think they did anything wrong and were totally justified in being pissed at you.

You wanna spend an hour telling me how much of a piece of shit you think I am and how much I suck? Sure! Go right on ahead! I'll let you rant to your heart's content and I won't say a word.

You think I'm so terrible at running this project, you think I'm such horrible person, okay, fine! It's your problem now, you can have it! Have fun without me or any of my contributions!

Everyone kept pushing and pushing, kept testing me despite how much I warned them to stop, and when I can't take it any more and I'm absolutely sick of it and bite back, then they want to hide. Only then do they want it to stop, only then do they want to let go, sweep it under the rug, leave it all in the past. Only once they've got exactly what they fucking asked for do they realize the mistake they made. "Hey everybody, let's poke the bear and then act like it's crazy for growling at us!"

So. Yeah. You could say there was some drama. And of course, now everyone likes to pretend it wasn't a big deal and wants to move on. Which, I guess for them, it wasn't a big fucking deal. This changes nothing for any of them! They can fuck up and destroy as much as they like and they never have to worry about a thing, 'cause everyone is still gonna love them no matter what and believe everything they say as long as they keep up the soft and innocent cry baby routine. Wonderful. I'm sooo happy for them.

Look, I'm not gonna pretend I'm the nicest person out there or that I'm perfectly innocent and I've never done anything wrong. I hurt people and I didn't run the project as well as I should have. But if you're going to tell this story, then for the love of fucking God, tell all of it. The idea that I was the only one fucking up is just wrong. The way people recite it makes it sound like I was a tyrannical, psychotic murderer the entire time for shits and giggles. Like I just enjoyed feeling like absolute shit and being slowly convinced over the course of a year that I'm horrible person and no amount of trying to be better is going to fix it, that do matter what I do I'll always be scary and a villain in their eyes, so why should I bother doing anything good? As if people fall apart and lose their minds for no reason besides they just want to, I guess. Yeah, that was so fun for me.

Though, to be fair, when I'm angry, I get very short-sighted and petty (which is why I try so hard not to be angry). That's what the venting blog is for. Things can get vitriolic on my venting blog... its my little corner of the internet where I can release some frustration in a place where people who know me irl wont be able to easily find it and in a way where I don't have to worry about offending somebody or being too dark or fucked up. Which is why it's a vent blog in the first place... one that I went through the effort of blocking people from and was intentionally very vague on... one that had basically zero interaction until after other people made a big fuss about it... and tbh, I'm not gonna try to explain away what's on it. My brain is fucked up sometimes and I'm not gonna lie about it. But I think it's a little unfair to judge someone's entire character off of how they are in their lowest, darkest moments. I happen to be willing to share a few of mine on that blog, and I don't think that's worth being lied about over.

//Tangent:

The concept of a venting blog is not some revolutionary new idea btw, I feel like it should be stated. If you've never explored Tumblr outside of the confines of whatever safe space you've made for yourself on your dash then maybe this idea might seem new to you, but there's thousands of venting and mental health blogs out there in a similar vein to my own. It's the reason I realized I could even make a blog like that — I went down the rabbit hole one incredibly depressed night and learned that, hey, there's other people on this site going through shit too, and they're willing to say the things I was far too scared to admit to myself. (At least, I was too scared at first. Now not so much.)

//End Tangent

If you wanna judge me then okay, but at the very least I think it'd be smart to look into things yourself instead of blindly believing what people tell you without question. You've got all the resources to come to your own conclusions. Walk the Line's Discord server and the Chaos Pit Discord server are archived and all their channels made public, along with all of these chat logs, this massive doc about two specific AU creators (that actually wasn't made by me if the typing style didn't make that obvious) and the old blog's archive.

Have fun diving further down this rabbit hole if you're really that curious, but I'm exhausted. Maybe you can do me a favor and make sure that people are spreading this part of the story so they have all of it.

[apollymi]

Well, I think Miss Boo’s birthday present (part 2) was a big hit. She and Luci nearly climbed me like a Mama shaped tree for more “push pop”. Apparently @nulopetfood is ridiculously delicious. #birthdaygirl #tuxedocat #tuxedocats #catsofinstagram #cats_of_instagram #cat #13yearsold #nulo #seriously #kittycrack #mamasgirl #kitty #kittycat #tuxedogirl https://www.instagram.com/p/B2Aln0dhBn6/?igshid=114paqir79v5s

[mybirthcbelc]

‪This sweetie is Artemis (Artie for short) she was going to be adopted with her brother Apollo, it fell through so she is waitingat PetSmart in Oxnard with her cork playing until her forever family comes for her‬

[felixandthemagicshoes]

Recently I encouraged fans to create art with Felix and.... unexpectedly today I found so many beautiful drawings, completely without occasion! @teaboxcarmarbles @mapplee @awaawita @tuxedogirl thank you guys! Sometimes I feel like someone really reads what's on my blog 😊

[thatphantomweeb]

There's this rlly cool fic that I've been dying to do fanart of for a while. Slow burn Ushiten in a fantasy setting? What more could I want 🙏🙏

So here are the both of them :))

Anywayyyyy, the link is here to it, by TuxedoGirl on ao3. Check it out~!

| Click for better quality |

[pawsthecatcafe-blog]

Who else loves Denali’s goofy little face? This little sweetheart loves rugs, towels and cat beds to curl up in. At a year old, Denali is the tiniest kitty in the lounge. What we’ve observed so far is that she’s a bit shy and introverted. I have to find her every day and talk to her. She’s not crazy fond of being picked up and cuddled, but today i set up a bed on the table near me and she’s been cuddled up since then. ❤️ #pawsthecatcafe #catsandcoffee #catcafedtyeg #yegbusiness #yegcats #yegtails #tuxedogirl (at Paws the Cat Café)

[hhlurup]

#tuxedogirl

[themicrobelady]

Anyone else pick up their cats and show them their reflection in the mirror?

You know, so they can see how cute they are? I do! If I fawn over them, they need to know why! #CatMom #TuxedoGirl #StripyBoy

[johnnychiba]

Happy Caturday! i got banned on facebook today! meow! #HanumonSunset #Caturday #Feral #Pet #TuxedoGirl #Cat #Whiskers #BeHappy https://www.instagram.com/p/BlzGQXpj_MW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1t33ot2s14msu

[onlytrueruler-blog]

My cat Mercy the merciless. She was good and let me take a picture of her when she is usually camera shy. Love my little girl~ (even when she is a terror)

[catycat21]

Tussi seek the shade today... by vanstaffs on Flickr.

[fotografibandung-blog]

Double tuxedo girls. #instalike #instadaily #tuxedo #tuxedogirl #picoftheday #photooftheday #followme #fotografibandung #instafashion #instabeauty #girls #beautifulgirls #tweegram #loveher #fashion

[oogieboogiewaltz]

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A post shared by Kaz 🐱 (@oogieboogiewaltz)

なんとしても首輪を外したいお方(*^^*) #タキシードガール🐱 #アタシの子 #ねこ部 #猫もふ団 #ふわもこ部 #tuxedogirl #oreo_the_tuxedo__girl

[cybergata]

Tussi by Staffan Hamnäs

[classiclikealittleblackdress]

Out for a while por Staffan Hamnäs Via Flickr: ...in between the showers. Two more in the comments

[mlmaphotography]

Tux #gantimpalatheater #selfie #christmasparty #holidays #tuxedogirl #ootd #igers #theater #manilascene #latepost (at Ohana Clubhouse)