#turns out when in flight or fight mode I go into 'keep on powering through' mode

[spuddlespud]

Love werewolf movies bc they always have growly wolves and let me tell you I had a terrifying 5am in the dark face-to-face encounter with an actual wild wolf and the scariest thing was that it was completely silent, it wasn't trying to scare me off but it also hadn't run away from me (which I would have expected when it heard me coming) , it was just staring at me like a big mass of horror

[literallyjusttoa]

how did the other siblings of apollo react to apollo going no contact (second song au)?

Ok txny I have to thank you because this question made me go big-brained mode last night and now I got paragraphs for you. I hope you like them lol

Ok, first of all, let me actually let y’all know what the incident that made Apollo leave was. So basically, for years Apollo had been held to an unrealistic standard that he could never achieve. Any failures led to harsh punishments, which worsened Apollo’s quality of life, which worsened his performance in all of the stuff Zeus cared about, and the cycle continues. This all came to a head when it came time to apply for college. Zeus wanted Apollo to follow in his footsteps and study law at his alma mater. Apollo really wanted to make music, but he knew that would never go over well. Instead, he applied to a med school, hoping that the job would be prestigious enough that it would impress his father, even if it wasn’t law. 

Sadly Apollo was mistaken, and Zeus became furious. He began constantly berating Apollo, basically telling him that he was basically going to disown him once he turned 18. Eventually Apollo snapped, and the two of them got into a huge fight one night in front of the whole family. Keep in mind that none of the other siblings knew the true extent of how Zeus treated Apollo. Things got physical, with Zeus pushing Apollo down a flight of stairs, giving him a nasty cut, a serious concussion, and getting him hospitalized. This is the last time anyone in the family saw Apollo. Once he woke up, Apollo refused any visitors, and basically went from home straight to college, refusing to talk with any of his family again. 

As for how everyone felt about it?

Ares: 29 years old, currently an active military member stationed in Texas (for reference, the rest of the family is in California). Ares had already left the state when Apollo went no-contact, and the two of them weren’t particularly close. Ares basically didn’t really care, as he’s already pretty distant from the rest of the family as it is. He visits during holidays and makes nice with his younger siblings, but to Ares it’s all just doing what’s expected of him. If Apollo wanted to leave that behind, more power to him.

Hephaestus: 26 years old, currently works as a mechanic in northern California. Hephaestus is the only other family member that has little to no contact with the rest of the family. It’s just that unlike Apollo, there was no fanfare when Hephaestus left. Living with a physical disability in a house where your mother despises you and the man who was meant to be your father was horrifically neglectful kind of sucks, actually. Hephaestus left the family behind at 18, and has been doing pretty well for himself since. Because of this, he actually doesn’t know that Apollo followed in his footsteps two years later. Who knows, maybe the two of them will run into each other in the future. 

Athena: 30 years old, currently working as a historian in her hometown. Athena is actually older than Ares, as Zeus was with Metis before Hera, and just didn’t tell Hera about it. She lived with her mother for 4 years until her untimely death. After that, she had to move in with Zeus and Hera, which was the first time Hera ever heard of her existence. This is also when Hera was pregnant with Hephaestus. Whoops. After all this, Athena has become a bit of a father’s girl, mainly because Zeus would defend her against her stepmother’s hatred. She doesn’t know all of the details of Apollo’s relationship with Zeus, but her love of her father blinds her to any fault he may have had. The two of them don’t talk anymore for a reason. 

Hermes: 22 years old, currently going through undergrad for a degree in communications. Hermes was really hurt by Apollo’s departure, almost as much as Artemis was. He looked up to Apollo a lot, and kind of thought he was infallible. To Hermes, the whole incident came completely out of nowhere, and he still doesn’t know who to stand with. Torn between his brother and his father, he hasn’t tried to contact Apollo since it all happened. 

Dionysus: 20 years old, currently going through undergrad for a degree in theatre. Dionysus is the opposite of Hermes, and desperately wants to get back into contact with Apollo, mainly to soothe his own curiosity. Dionysus was born after the majority of the family drama, and was only 14 when Apollo left. He’s kind of dropped out of the family emotionally, but he still wants to know how everything went down. Sadly, Apollo did change all of his contact information after leaving the house, so Dionysus is left with a bit of a wild goose chase to do on top of all his college work. 

Thalia: 18 years old, currently a senior in high school, looking to pursue professional archery. Thalia and Jason didn’t move into Zeus’ home until they were pretty old, Thalia being 11 and Jason being 9. This means that Thalia only spent a year in the house with Apollo before he left, and didn’t really know him that well. She mostly just feels bad for Artemis.

Jason: 16 years old, currently a sophomore in high school. Apollo left when Jason was only 10, so he really doesn’t remember that much about him. All he remembers is that Apollo used to drive him to school when Hera was too busy (or just wouldn’t bother) and watch over him while Zeus was at work. If you were to ask Jason what he thought of Apollo before they reunited, he would have said that his brother seemed like a kind person.

[nostalgia-watches]

And with a view of a new technorganic flower we be done!

First off, this episode was very well done. The fight scenes between Megatron and Optimus were gloriously over to top, as was befitting the end of the series. There were a few hiccups. Mainly The weird plot point of Megatron having to finish stealing the Oracle and the fact that he didn’t fly away while tumbling down to the organic core. The former I can see being neccesary to keep people from asking why Optimus never interfered with Megatron’s connection but the latter is a bit more glaring. I suppose I could see it being a side effect of his new size and not having the thrust to actually fly any more. Maybe even something with the Oracle finally keeping him from utilizing the immense power he was holding by having merged with all the sparks. That said, it’s never really stated why the flight capable transformer didn’t just decide to stop falling. 

Not really much else to say about the episode is particular, but now it be time to discuss the series as a whole!

This was a series that I remembered very little about. I remembered Nightscream, Botanica, that Silverbolt, Waspinator, and Tankor were the original Vehicon generals, that Tankor stayed evil even when he remembered being Rhinox, and that it ended with Megatron and Optimus falling into the organic core to reformat the planet. I also knew that it was generally seen as a far inferior sequel to Beast Wars and overall had a poor reception. Something that is extremely evident with the resurgence of Beast Wars stuff over the last year or two with no mention of Beast Machines.

That said. I don’t think it was bad. There were certainly a lot of things that were... less than fun. The various personality shifts were... interesting to say the least. Optimus’s newfound super spiritualism was a little jarring but at least understandable after the end of the Beast Wars and him and the fact that he had been basically been made a prophet for the transformers. Rhinox as well was jarring but understandable if you remember the time he was reprogrammed to be a Predacon and the existence of Blackarachnia’s shell program. Having a Maximal turn evil isn’t all that out there. It just so happens that this is the first time that we had it last so long while also having the baseline personality to compare against. The others were, in gerenal also rather easy to swallow as being a side effect of the much more tense war they had found themselves in as well as the stress of having just finished a war only to find that everything they had done had been pointless. Megatron’s sudden shift to hating organics though was completely out of nowhere. We might be able to excuse it as a side effect of getting thrown out of the transwarp tunnel and going through who knows what for who knows how long before he returned to Cybertron to enact his plans but it’s still something that is never explained.

And speaking of Megatron, we get to the hardest thing to swallow in the entire series: the way he treated the entire war.

He was, in all honestly, too dangerous to take seriously. He had control of the entire planet. He could create endless armies of drones to wipe out of enemies. He regularly was able to find exactly where the Maximals were hiding underground. He even turned the entire city into a weapon to use against the Maximals. Yet despite all of that, he never got rid of them. You might be able to explain it as him finding things amusing given some of his words near the end of the series but that’s a major stretch.

 Then you have his plans to excise his beast mode. At first it seems like something that is an understandable problem. Sure, it’s a little off that there apparently isn’t anything set up to remove an unwanted alt mode from a transformer but maybe the beast modes are a bit harder to get rid of. Yet in the end it looks like all Megatron had to do was remove his spark and transplant it to a new body. Something that he should have been able to do at any time. Even if he didn’t want to leave the Maximals alone he could have drowned them in drones to distract them for the apparently minute, if that, that it took from him to remove his spark and transplant it to a new body. 

All together it kinda ended up nueturing him as a villain because if he ever used his resources properly the heroes would have never been able to win, meaning he had to act poorly just to keep the story going. Something that was exacerbated even more when Obsidian and Strika came by to act as the genius tacticians that just used the most basic of strategies to almost wipe out the Maximals. Strategies that Megatron used at the end to succeed in wiping them out and stealing their sparks.

Speaking of the generals there was that little issue of Waspinator being in Thrust instead of, as was implied, Silverbolt. It makes the scenes that looked like the power of love letting Silverbolt’s spark shine past Megatron’s shell program turn into Waspinator somehow managing to influence the shell program out of some sort of insanely powerful desire to cuck Silverbolt. Despite not really having shown that sort of interest in Blackarachnia during the Beast Wars outside of a few instances of her using her feminine wiles to manipulate him. And despite all of that the fact that he was there in Thrust never really went anywhere. He just stayed there with Megatron, eventually getting shoved aside by Obsidian and Strika.

Now, despite all the negativity I just threw out there, I don’t think the series was bad. Was it a proper follow up to Beast Wars? No. I don’t think so. It tried too hard to pivot into a darker storyline with technology vs nature overtones and completely hijacked the ending of the last series. The two were too different too really feel like there should be connected. Add in the changes to personality and you have something that I think could be really good as a stand alone thing. You could have the Maximals come in as a crew lured in by a distress call on Cybertron and maybe spend some episodes establishing the characters, get some flashbacks to explain their connections, and maybe set it early enough on in Megatron’s conquest that he can’t make full use of everything he has access to.

So in the end is this a good show? Is it something I would recommend watching? Yeah. It’s not Beast Wars but it’s not trying to be Beast Wars. It’s probably not going to be one of your favorite transformers series but it’s still pretty decent. And most of all it’s different. It’s one of the very few transformers series that isn’t Optimus Prime leading the Autobots in a thousands, if not millions, years old war against Megatron and the Decepticons. Due to people not generally being happy when the formula gets shaken up, a la Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you don’t generally see things get shaken up too much. Just enough to look new. And that’s something that is rather rare in these long running properties.

Now with this done I’m gonna be calling it quits for now. I might come back to this some time in the future. There are still tons of old cartoons out there to look back on and see if they were as good as I remember them being but for now I’;m done. So until I see you next, have a great time!

[moonslittlestar]

ahh, i don’t know a lot of the names but i’m going to say of moon, echo, the twins, and i forgot how it’s spelled but darragh

for an emoji, you can use 🌀 if you’d like

Sorry in advance this will be long 🤭 I'll try to keep it as short as possible! Also, their stories are very angsty, so just a prewarn that these are not light of heart. TW for violence, physical and mental abuse, murder, death, substance abuse and hurting animals (willow's tale).

Moon Personality wise Moon is very cold, stern and quiet intimidating when you first meet him. He's got this presence that feels almost royal, but grounded, it's a very heavy presence that surrounds him, and although he no longer owns his wings their weight is still carried on his back. Moon's got this electric field around him too, fuelled by the magic that runs through his veins, when he uses magic the smell of Jasmine permeates the air and lingers sometime afterwards too (this is how Astarion realized that Moon was near when the ship crashed). Moon carries himself like you'd expect a demi god to, he's majestic. Once you get to know Moon the coldness doesn't change, he is not one to let his guard down, only Astarion has seen him in vulnerable state. I imagine as Cazador ripped his wings off that he still held his own, just so Astarion wouldn't have that be his last memory of him. Moon, much like Aylin is centuries old. Born the son of a god and a moral, Moon spent a lot of his life fighting in the wars between gods, sometimes being summoned by mortals to wield is sword by their side. He was unstoppable. That is, until he descended, tales of why he descended are unclear and many ballads tell different tales. No one is sure why Moon ended up living amongst mortals. Moon and Astarion's backstory goes way before Cazador, which is why the Emperor is trying to trick Moon with a pre-Cazador Astarion disguise. They randomly found each other, and in a twisted turn of fate fell in love. What was meant to just be some fun, a get away from the harrows of daily life, turned into two souls crashing together, bound to each other. When Astarion was turned by Cazador, Moon did everything in his power to reverse the curse, but the gods had abandoned him and they had to look for other avenues. Moon started research how to remove vampirism and who he needed to get a hold of to help them. What Moon was able to do in that time, was cut off Cazador's ability to control Astarion for short periods of time, in those moments they spent hidden away, in their own little world. Cazador found out and Astarion pleaded that Moon go into hiding, that he leave and never return, no matter how much the idea hurt him, Moon refused to give up on Astarion but Cazador had other plans. He made a pact with Bhaal, Moon's life for information on how to become the Vampire Lord. Bhaal agreed. Moon was caught and tortured in front of Astarion, his wings ripped from his body, never to return again. His life, his memories, were sacrificed to Bhaal, who claimed the newly born Moon has his chosen. And Astarion would never see him again, locked away and punished for disobeying his Master...

Echo Echo's always been a softie, even during their darkest times, deep down all that Echo ever craved was love and acceptance and someone to show him there's more to life than pain. Echo is shy, closed off and quite, mysterious and intimidating to those who don't know them. They would do anything to be just held, have someone run their hands through his hair and tell them everything's going to be alright. Echo lives in fight or flight mode, constantly alert, ready to go on the defence if needed. Echo suffers from C-PTSD and has frequent panic attacks and flashbacks, thankfully Halsin and Astarion have learnt how to calm them down and help them get grounded again. The child of a Drow (father) and a High Elf (mother), they have one older brother. Echo's mother passed away when they were just a child, a naïve and innocent, none of them took it well. Oilibhéar (father) grew cold and distant from his children after their mothers death, unable to show either son's any sign of affection. Torán, Echo's older brother took his pain and grief out on Echo, a punching bag for the feelings that Torán could not put into words. Torán blamed Echo for the downfall of their family. Blamed by his brother, ignored and abandoned by their father, Echo could never amount to anything, always living in the shadow of his mothers death. Home life was harsh and cold, there were no safe spaces for Echo and outside family life it wasn't much better either. As Echo aged, they suffered at the hands of many, adults and peers alike. A victim of physical and mental abuse throughout their life, used for their body, often returning to an distance household, bloodied and bruised. One day whilst heavily intoxicated Echo snapped. A switch flicked and during a fight with Torán, whilst defending himself from Torán's brute force, Echo took a knife from the kitchen counter and ran the blade across Torán's throat, leaving him to bleed out on the kitchen floor. Echo ran away from home that same day. Soon after, Echo found comfort in the cult of Bhaal, able to take a life time of anger and resentment out on strangers with no names and no families to mourn for them. Slowly climbing the ladder and becoming Bhaal's favourite little killer, his Chosen. This also lead him to their relationship with Gortash, who was the first person to really and truly show Echo devotion. Gortash was smitten, praising Echo and accepting Echo for all their flaws. Thus their evil plans began to play out to the downfall of Baldur's Gate...

Darragh Runt of the litter, or so they liked to tease them, the smallest Cervitaur of their herd. What Darragh lacks in height they make up for in personality. A clumsy little thing that often trips over their own feet or gets their horns tangled in forest vines. Their warm hearted and radiate kindness, though it took them awhile to reach this point. Darragh spends most of their time stoned, a keen eye and taste for magic mushrooms granted him more abilities than the rest of their herd, allowing them to communicate in ways they couldn't. Darragh's veins work like roots, from their head to their feet they send signals and messages to the world around them and other creatures, via mycelium. Darragh's hair consists of about 80% moss, leaves and twigs tangled between their horns. Their skin marks a pathway for the magic that flows inside them. When Darragh uses their magic their veins glow in a bioluminescence light. They stay barefoot so they are able to keep communications open as they wonder. Their roots also allow them to communicate with other creatures and beings via touch, through micro electric pulses, meaning they can completely tune into someone's body and mind all through their finger tips. Darragh wanted more from life than being a part of the herd, seeking freedom from their circle, Darragh travelled to Baldur's Gate in search of someone to help give them a more humanoid form. One their journey Darragh stumbled across a Hag, who, for a price, gave them their wish, only to tease that they'd never lose their antlers as a reminder of the part of them they so easily gave up. What else the hag stole from them remains a mystery. Darragh's wild shape remains a deer.

Hunter & Willow The twins are polar opposites. Hunter's alignment is Lawful Good whilst Willow's is Chaotic Evil. Their story is two sides of a coin.

Orphaned at a young age (roughly 6ish), Hunter and Willow lived on the streets. Hunter, being the "older" of the two took it upon himself to do whatever he could to keep his sister safe. Hunter would find them shelter amongst derelict houses, dingy back alleys and abandoned factories/shops, ect. Whatever he could find to put some sort of roof over their heads. By night they'd rummage through trash, bins and all sorts just to find a meal, no matter how old or moldy it would be. They wold drink sewage water and dirty rain water. After several years of living on the streets, they were taken into foster care. Originally homed together, until Willow started showing signs of being anti-social. She found it difficult to blend in with the other kids. Hunter tried to do everything he could to help his sister, but her aggressive side only grew stronger as she aged and obsessive behaviours began to show. This got them passed around several different foster homes for a few years. By age 10, Willow's obsession with dead and dying animals had grown significantly. This obsession only grew, until one day their foster family came back to their cat, dead and displayed in their living room, with Willow sitting across from it, covered in it's blood. Willow got taken away after that, and Hunter got thrown into a different foster home, unable to know where his sister was taken. Hunter, feeling useless and like he failed his sister packed his bags one day and showed up outside the Flaming Fists training ground, where they took him in and gave him shelter. Hunter spent years training under the Fists, hoping to climb through the ranks and find a way to help his lost sister. During Hunter's time with the Fists, he met Wyll, a young boy roughly the same age as him. Wyll's father took a shining to Hunter, and Wyll trained with him regularly, the two becoming extremely close. Hunter and Wyll's relationship grew to something more emotionally (not physical) intimate, though the two were still young and figuring out who they were in the world, their bound had been sown, and the two of them were inseparable. That was until Wyll left, leaving Hunter behind and alone... again. After Wyll left, Hunter started becoming suspicious of his disappearance and without any answered, he left the Fists. During this time, Willow had only grown more chaotic, after being torn away from Hunter she got put into an asylum, where she managed to escape and go underground. There she found a guide, and joined that for awhile, robbing and thrifting her stolen goods. But it wasn't enough for her, she needed more. Her hunger wasn't sated and she became an assassin, finding joy of taking people's lives and watching the light fade from their eyes. Before Hunter left Baldur's Gate in search for Wyll, he heard rumours that Willow had become a Bhaal cultist...

[homesweetnothings]

hermione fluff alphabet

Hermione x gn!reader (i’m pretty sure, if not lmk)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Hermione loves reading with you, just cuddling with you on the couch and reading out loud. it’s very soothing for her. she also loves cooking with you, when the two of you are in the kitchen and your favorite song is playing in the background as the two of you laugh and dance

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

How could she pick just one thing? Hermione loves you with her entire being, but if she had to, it would be your sharp wit that always keeps her on her toes

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Hermione is the voice of reason and she helps you work through any anxious feelings you may have and is always right there if you need a hug or just want a calming potion.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Hermione definitely sees your future in a little cottage with a nice fire place and one of those pretty trees with the droopy branches. you guys decorate it to both of your tastes and it’s finally a home, your home that you created together

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Hermione is usually the more dominant one, she’s never been one to be passive. she takes things head on and will always stick up for herself/you

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

it takes a lot to get hermione riled up to the point of arguing with her. she’ll need some time to herself afterwards but she’ll try to work things out, she lives by the “never go to sleep angry with each other” rule

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Hermione is very grateful of everything you do for her. she felt somewhat alone growing up and then at hogwarts because she was always “different”. she’s had a lot of horrible things happen to her but your kindness has helped her heal

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

if hermione keeps anything from you, it isn’t consciously. she’s an open book and you have a very trusting relationship with her

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You’ve definitely opened hermione up a little bit, she’s a very hard worker and you’ve taught her it’s ok to relax. you don’t always have to be in fight or flight mode. it’s just been very hard for hermione after the war, she’s so grateful she met you though.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Hermione is very clingy and does get jealous easily (did you see her when ron was with lavender??) she does try her best to contain it because she knows you don’t do it on purpose, but it’s so hard. she just makes sure to show you just how much she loves you later

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Hermione is a bit of a shy kisser, she starts out very gentle, cupping your face in her hand, moving it to run her fingers through your hair. then it turns desperate and she’s pulling you closer like she’s afraid to lose you.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Hermione isn’t a very poetic person, she’s very blunt and gets right to the point. but it doesn’t matter to you if it isn’t some romance book declaration because you know her words are genuine and that’s all that matters.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

hermione used to hate the idea of marriage, why did people need a legal document to bind them together forever? wasn’t the power of love enough? but when hermione met you her views changed. after a year and a half of you dating she proposes to you via a scavenger hunt that takes you to all of your favorite places/where you had your first kiss/etc. the final clue leads you to the park, where hermione’s waiting for you, the sun is setting behind you and hermione gets onto one knee and you immediately say yes before she even has the chance to ask the question

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Hermione doesn’t like nicknames like “babe” or “bae”. She calls you “darling” and loves how you melt every time she says it.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Hermione is a Simp with a capital S, she goes out of her way to show you how much she loves you.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

poor baby is a lil shy when it comes to pda- not because she’s ashamed to be with you- because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. hermione loves being with you, she’s just a little self conscious when it comes to pda

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

ngl, i think hermione is a sucker for cliches. i mean they’re cliches for a reason. Hermione’ll make you breakfast in bed on her days off, leave you little notes around the house, she always remembers important dates and gets you thoughtful gifts

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Hermione supports every dream of yours and helps you achieve them. whether this be by helping you study for uni exams, making you coffee while you pull an all nighter, or just being there to hold your hand when you feel like giving up.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Hermione usually prefers her regular routine but she doesn’t complain when you plan surprises for her and is a very willing participant

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Hermione knows you very well, she can tell when your upset or anxious and knows just how to calm you down

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship with hermione is only rival to her friendship with Harry and Ron. which you don’t mind, you understand that they’ve been friends for much longer and you admire her fierce loyalty.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Hermione’s love language is acts of service and words of affirmation. she love being on the giving and receiving end

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Hermione is Very affectionate. she loves winding down after a stressful day with a cup of tea and you cuddling with her on the couch. she loves kissing you softly on your temple.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Hermione throws herself into her work, trying to occupy herself with anything other than thoughts of your contagious laugh and the way you smile and-

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

hermione will go to the ends of the earth for you, she’s fought against Voldemort, very little compares against that. Her strengths add to yours and vice versa, you’re her other half. she loves you and she’ll never let you doubt that for even a second.

[neochan]

do you have time to do requests rn? if so, can i request for a short nonidol! jeno comfort fic/drabble? just him helping reader through a tough time bc of school, essentially reader can't get out of a "procrastination doom loop" as they call it, and it's messing with their mental well-being. sorry if this is too specific, ᶦ'ᵐ ᵏᶦⁿᵈ ᵒᶠ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵃᵐᵉ ˢᶦᵗᵘᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦ ʲᵘˢᵗ ⁿᵉᵉᵈ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵃˢ ᵃ ᶜᵒᵐᶠᵒʳᵗ ᵃˢ ᶦ ᵗʳʸ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶦᵗ ˡᵐᵃᵒ thank you so much!

the plates of half-eaten food litter the floor of your bedroom, accompanying the empty water bottles. stacks and stacks of textbooks, notepads, pens and paper balance precariously on every empty surface. it's stifling, so much so that you choose to ignore it, instead focusing all your attention on the tiny screen of your phone.

"y/n."

the low timbre of jenos voice reaches deep in the pit of your stomach, but you don't turn. you couldn't face him. not when your room looked like this. not when you couldn't think straight because you were drowning in projects and homework. it was better all to ignore it anyways, right?

you had skipped class one time, just once, and now here you were sleeping through lectures, procrastinating assignments, drowning in your own education, plain for jeno to see. your own mental health decline has led you into a vise of self pitying, and you just didn't know how to break free.

"baby, what's wrong?" he walks towards you, stepping over the filth covering your bedroom floor, and sits on the edge of your bed. your back is towards him, so he lifts a hand and starts rubbing your side, "you can talk to me."

"i don't know!" you snap, slamming your phone down on the mattress beside your body.

his face falls, but he doesn't say anything, just keeps rubbing your side. you feel bad for yelling, for taking your frustration out on him when he doesn't deserve it.

"i don't know jeno." you shrug him off and sit up, taking his hand in yours, "there's just so much i need to do and so little time to do it. i feel like... i don't know, that i'm.. failing you and my parents."

"you're not failing anybody." he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into a tight hug. it felt nice, being pressed against your boyfriends chest, smelling the familiar scent. he makes you feel like everything is going to be okay, and maybe it will be.

"i love you, okay? and i'm going to help you through this. i finished all my assignments for the week so i'll help." he looks around the room, "we'll start by cleaning up and then we'll make a list of everything you need to do."

you start to squirm out of his grasp, the thought of facing everything at once pushing you into fight or flight mode, and you definitely favored flight, but he holds you tighter, "hey, it's okay. we'll take it one step at a time, and i'll be here. i'll hold you accountable but we'll do it together okay?"

you nod, tears filling your eyes and making your face feel hot.

"we gotta be the power couple our parents always talk about." he chuckles against you and kisses the top of your head.

"i love you baby, you got this."

[mercurial-madhouse]

Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

************

This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

[apocalypticgargoyle]

𝘽𝙐𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙀𝙔𝙀𝙎. ҂ 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢

back by popular demand! xx thank you for supporting my ramblings! this is kind of filler.. sorry...

pairing: dream x fm!reader

warnings: blood, slight angst, using ccs real names, guns

← previous chapter | ao3 | request |

Clay pushed himself to sit away from the wall, dragging you up with him. “How can you not hear that?” He urged mildly. Fear began to pick at your nerves as you noticed the same reactions filling the shelter. Nick stood up, following some of the other guys who heard whatever they were talking about. Clay slipped from your grasp. “I’ll be right back,” he muttered and you grabbed his hand. His eyes flashed a different color as he looked at you.

A few of the women followed the group, attempting to get their companion’s attention before one of them opened the shelter door.

Your eyes grew wide as the crowd moved from the shelter. It seemed that only the women in the bunker were protesting against leaving the shelter, the men focused on shrugging out of their hold. The night sky was lit up by a foreign object you had yet to lay eyes on, Clay’s figure blocking most of your vision as you were sandwiched between him and Nick. You could feel your heart beating in your ears, your grip tightening around Clay’s arm. 

The crowd spread out in the field near the bunker, gaze cast towards the northern sky where a large planet hovered on the horizon line. You covered your mouth in shock, slinking backward as a few of the women screamed. The bright spots on its surface reflected in the eyes of the men across the field from you. You yanked on Clay’s arm, attempting to pull him back into the safety of the bunker with you. 

He turned, an amazed smile flashing to his face as he looked down at you. It was only then that you noticed the crimson lines of blood draining from his ears. “Can you hear that?” He asked, voice raspy and verklempt. You furrowed your brows, your chest rising and falling unevenly as your mind raced to figure out what was happening. Clay’s soft hair moved in the night breeze, his features looking sharper as the light from the planet cast shadows across his face. 

His face dropped suddenly, his brows knitting together as his breathing seemed to slow. You reached out to touch his face but instead, his eyes rolled and he collapsed into your arms. Nick dropped to his knees beside you as well, forcing you to reach an arm out so he didn’t face plant in the dirt under your feet. You swore under your breath as Clay’s weight forced you into a sitting position. As you held him to your chest, keeping a tight grip on Nick’s t-shirt, you hiccuped, hot tears beginning to stream down your face. 

You sat, waiting for them to wake up, for what felt like hours. Various women were wailing, while others smoked stale cigarettes and paced, theorizing what the planet could be doing. You drug your fingers through Clay’s hair, your other hand cramping from its hold on Nick’s shirt. You’d pulled him closer to settle his head on your leg beside Clay. You felt like a mother hen guarding her chicks against the winter. 

You hated it. 

One woman stood with her hands on her lower back, staring up at the planet. Every few minutes, she held her palm out to it, spreading her fingers out wide before biting her cheek and continuing to stare. You inhaled and attempted to soothe yourself by holding the boys closer to you. “They’ll wake up,” she said, her voice breaking into a quietness you hadn’t realized had settled over the field. You looked up at her, rubbing your cheek on your sleeve to rid yourself of salty tear tracks. “The big one, he still has eye movement.” You looked down at Clay, noticing her fact. He looked as if he were dreaming up the plot of a new Lord of the Rings book. 

You sighed in relief, pressing your cheek against his forehead as your hand loosened on Nick, fingers brushing his collarbone softly. It was then that you realized how warm he was. Your brain switched into panic mode as you touched his forehead, his skin burning beneath your hand. You pulled his hat off his head and set about pulling his hoodie off. 

The woman joined you at your side. “He has a fever. We have to-” you bit your lip as more tears threatened to spill. You were so tired of crying, but for some reason, you couldn’t help it. Especially now, as the lives of the man you loved and a dear friend were literally in your hands. “We have to get it down,” you managed, fingers yanking at the material. “He could die.” 

The woman settled a hand on your shoulder, slowing your movements. She removed Nick’s hoodie, balling it up and pushing it beneath his head. “He’s going to be okay. Obviously, his body’s fighting something off,” she assured. “You should move around a bit. So your legs don’t go completely numb.” 

You shook your head, looking back toward the two. “No, I can’t leave them,” you answered softly. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw her nod in understanding. “What were you doing over there?” You asked, nodding to where she was previously standing. 

She moved to sit cross-legged, turning her head to look back up at the planet. “I was seeing if it was moving,” she responded. “I swear I’ve seen it before. Like in a book or something.” You nodded at her words slightly. “I think it’s Callisto, one of Jupiter’s moons.” 

You dragged your sleeve across Clay’s cheek, wiping away the dried blood. “Callisto…” you repeated, attempting to jog your memory if you’d heard of it before. “So NASA was wrong, huh?” You joked, attempting to be light-hearted, but your voice reflected a dark sadness from the depths of your chest instead. 

She shrugged with a small grin on her face. “Unless it wiped us out completely as this is your hell for eternity.” You snapped your eyes to her, making her laugh. “I’m joking. Unless this is my hell,” she joshed. “It depends on what you believe is real or not, I guess.” 

You shut your eyes, a shaky breath rippling through you. “Please stop talking.” 

Before she could say something else, Clay’s eyes snapped open. He muttered your name almost as if he didn’t believe it was you. He turned his head towards where Nick was laying. “Nick?” His voice cracked slightly as he sat up. He looked at you as if asking what was happening before he turned to peer up at the planet again, his eyes shifting to a more brilliant green as if it evoked something within him. You watched his irises shift towards a glowing color before he looked at you again. 

Nick stirred in your arms before shivering. You rested your hand against his forehead once again, the heat of his body becoming more alarming. Clay was on his feet, looking quickly around the field as various people woke up, startled just as he was. You gently moved from beneath Nick, letting his head rest on his jacket as you moved to comfort Clay. He pulled you into his arms and you could hear his heart beat against his rib cage. Everything was beginning to happen so quickly as you stood on your toes to peer over Clay’s shoulder, watching as various men began to act strangely. 

You heard Nick mumble Clay’s name, causing you to break away from him to look behind you. As you did so, Nick grabbed your arm gently, his hand searing the flesh of your forearm. You let out a muted scream, yanking your hand from his as his worried eyes burned a bright orange.

THREE YEARS LATER

You tied your hair back, staring back at your reflection in the dirty mirror. It was the Callisto Anniversary, therefore you couldn’t help but think of what you used to look like; practically a child compared to who you were now. You almost glared at the scars on your arms from those nights when you all thought the world was ending. You wet your lips, tugging on your jacket and propping open the door of your bedroom before carrying yourself down the long hallway. Various people greeted you from their rooms as you passed by their opened doors. 

As you trudged down the various flights of stairs, you silently repeated the words of the cultists' propaganda posters covering the walls in the stairwell. You passed them every day; hating them more each time you saw them. You’d only let them hang the posters after they threatened to burn down the hotel, thus eliminating yours and several hundreds of other people’s homes and businesses. 

After the planet, which you now knew for sure was the moon Callisto, settled into the Earth’s night sky, reports of enlightened men popped up everywhere. The male population seemed to be a favorite of Callisto’s as most of them possessed some kind of power, whether useless or beneficial. Conspiracy theorists believed it was because of the creatures in the water beneath its surface attempting to create a new generation of Poseidon's sons. With the moon ruining Earth’s power supply, it was difficult to experiment and prove various theories. 

It’s the radiation, some would say. 

It’s a government conspiracy. 

It’s an alien experiment. 

You’d heard it all. The only thing you were certain of was what Eden told you, the woman you’d met when Callisto appeared. She was convinced of the Poseidon theory; though rather scornfully. “One more thing to strengthen male privilege...” She often accounted. She’d worked as a biology professor before the day of reckoning, therefore she could tell you the chicken came before the egg and you’d believe her. She explained the phenomenon of Callisto as a result of the ocean tides and gravitational pull, yet couldn’t figure out how Callisto could travel 4.3 AUs and why Earth would be its landing place. 

Your feet thumped against the cracked linoleum of the hotel lobby, the various dividers failing to provide sound barriers between the various groups of engineers and their counterparts as they worked and chattered. After finding the hotel, you’d given most of its space to Eden and her team as well as the brutes working for you. 

You grabbed an apple from one of the food stations before following the sound of Eden’s voice as she argued with someone about the patterns of Callisto in the sky. A radio lulled from the table in the middle of her chaos. She tugged her dull blonde/gray hair back into a ponytail before massaging her aging temples with two fingers. 

The front doors opened, ringing the small bell attached to one of the handles and drawing your attention. The group of men shrugged out of their wet jackets or shook out the rain out of their hair. You scanned the group from Clay’s white ski mask, an intimidating feature that signified who he was. Just as you had given up, he pushed through the crowd, pushing his mask on top of his head. You waved at him and he brightened before walking towards you. He leaned down to press a kiss to your lips, the smell of the Earth hanging against his damp clothing. 

“I saw something while I was out, and I’ve had a rough time keeping it in my head,” he stated with a slight chuckle, mindlessly asking you to follow him to one of the tables with a few workers. You watched him silently as he fished into the barrels of spare gun parts before throwing what he’d found on the table. The people around you paused what they were doing. Clay’s eyes began to glow, the green almost iridescent as the pieces began to morph together before shaping a new kind of gun. 

That’s really what your group was known for: arms manufacturing and dealing. 

Clay built them and you had the connections to sell them. On paper, it was simple. 

Clay held the gun in his hand, turning it over and looking down at you for praise. You furrowed your blows slightly. “Does it work?” You asked, making him shrug and bump a clip into it before firing it at one of the walls. 

You sighed. “How many times do we have to talk about shooting inside?” He giggled sheepishly at your words. You examined the gun in his large hand, trying to place where you had seen it before. It was a souped-up version of whatever you had previously seen. 

“Looks like a cop gun to me, Dream,” a familiar voice stated, making Clay chuckle proudly before looking up to see Nick with his arms crossed. Clay quickly tucked it into the back of his belt and Nick rolled his eyes. “Sorry, I meant to radio in on my way but I got caught in the storm.” 

You swatted off his apology and hugged him. “It’s good to see you, Sapnap,” Clay lightened. The boys had begun using their radio call names as if they got them from their mothers. “Happy Callisto Day,” Clay charmed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as Nick picked up a gun piece. 

Nick’s eyes flashed to the burn scar on your wrist from him. The fever he had was due to his power. Clay always teases him with nicknames like Prince Zuko and Warren Peace for it. “Have you guys seen Karl? I have a friend that figured out how to make something similar to nail polish.” 

You snorted. “He should be hovering around Eden,” you answered, gesturing to the opposite corner of the lobby space. 

After Nick parted, Clay turned back to you. “I think I found a way to get supplies into the East Sector…” he mumbled, just audible enough for you to hear. You perked an eyebrow at him. The East Sector had been closed off to any kind of weaponry, but that didn’t mean the demand wasn’t high. It was a farming community outside of the city where most of the religious zealots lived and based the Cult of Callisto. 

You chewed the inside of your cheek. “How dangerous is this  way  you’ve found?” 

Clay smirked slightly. “They call him Techno. He’s a chlorokinetic. Apparently, he kills people and turns them into plant food too,” he stated, wiggling his eyebrows. “Plus, he’s an enemy of Quackity’s group.” He crossed his arms, leaning against the table behind him. 

“So, pretty dangerous, then?” You simplified. 

He smiled slightly. “In a fun way…” 

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[artobotsrollout]

Transformers: Harbingers

The Pirate Scream AU

Before I talk about it you guys are the best thank you for indulging me and my AU from this post xjdjd. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

@badlydrawntransformers @cosmic0de @warrioroffandoms @measlyfurball13 And a bonus thank you to those encouraging me in the tags as well ❤️

I plan to do art for it as well as accompanying written bits and maybe even an animatic but till then have some general info under the cut.

Also there is transformers: Prime spoilers below so open at your own risk.

TRANSFORMERS: HARBINGERS

So this AU comes from the same place many AUs heavily involving TfP Starscream come from: the unfulfilled potential in our boy Scream. Now deeper discussion of that is not gonna be in this post. It'd be a whole essay.

It also comes from just how salty I was that the Team's kindness never really benefitted them much and they kept getting slapped for it. And OP really wanted to win over a con and Starscream kept wanting a partner. ALSO ALSO Optimus was portrayed as keeping his emotions in check and then never really gets a message that it's okay to be emotional so... I'm doing that here.

And the Starscream Pirate AU was born...

Aka Transformers: Harbingers (maybe idk if it's catchy enough djjsw)

Why Harbingers? ''It's just a SHIP Starscream chills in for awhile in the show' ' I hear you say. WELL HANG ON!! I got two very good reasons!! .

First off: Starscream, with the help of some Cybertronians who he wins over one way or another (Ill get to that), help him essentially use the remains of the Harbinger to put together their own functional ship. It's smaller than the Nemesis and will take some pirate ship inspiration. While it is a hardy beast it's a bit jury rigged.

Second of all:

Imagine being a fictional character living in a ship with a name that basically means 'Foreshadowed bringer of change' and then going back to Megatron and his bullshit. I'm gonna grab this and run all the way with it. Highway to Hell just came on my Spotify so... That may be an omen.

---------

NOW LISTEN

I feel like Starscream and Optimus could really have had such an interesting dynamic but we never really got to see that in TfP and I feel cheated. Also both could have mutually benefitted a great deal.

So what do I do? I shove them together to be sorta begrudging Co-Captains. As a result there's a lot of shenanigans to be had!

How this happens OP has some run ins with cons and, through a way I'm still deciding, has the opportunity to extend a hand to Starscream. Starscream, being kindness starved, doesn't entirely know what to do about Optimus being nice to him one whole time with no sarcasm or ulterior motive and sorta starts trying to get his attention.

Starscream and his crew are a bit of their own team at this point. MEANING sort of new LOGOS!

I'm yoinking the crossed out Decepticon logo from the Dark Energon Starscream and Dark Energon Knockout toys cause I mean... It's right there and also kinda like a skull and crossbones. It fits too well guys.

Starscream essentially manages to win over the autobots enough so they can sorta make a mutually beneficial, if strained, alliance to aid their aligned goal: killing Megatron and revitalizing cyberton. This is aided by some slight changes to the plot of course. It's also a benefit, much to Ratchet's delight, since they finally get some cybertronian tech to work with.

And so they gotta work together to take Megatron out and there's much bonding moments esp later when the autobot base is destroyed. Starscream extends his hand to them and offers them a more permanent position onboard. (rubbing in how unfortunate their situation is and how this is such a big favour but he's paying Optimus back.)

And insert team dynamic stuff!! Like cons teaming up with Bots, Starscream and Optimus trying to stick with it leading their own teams but keep accidently backseat-leadering one another. I will write some other ex-con and bot dynamics cause there's a lot of chaos to be had.

Optimus doesn't open up to his crew for morale sake and masks his emotions well, and Starscream is... well Starscream is Starscream so he masks what he truly feels a lot and doesn't share a lot of personal stuff besides complaints with his team either. So there's a lot of tension.... That is until Starscream has had it at just how good a poker face Prime has.

Because he's absolutely paranoid got a harmless curiosity about Optimus's ulterior motives and wants potential dirty secrets he can use as blackmail to have power over the Prime, he essentially puts cybertronian booze (but kid friendly version of course fbejek) in Optimus's energon heavily expecting him to spill the beans when heavily drunk. What he doesn't expect is that Optimus is just... LIKE THAT to his core. He's smart but very sad and guilty. And maybe a bit weepy and exhausted cause this man has not shown an emotion for eons now. /s. Starscream doesn't know wtf to do but swayed by how earnest Optimus is he sorta softens up and does open up. Might have helped that he took a swig of the tainted energon to get on his level though. But it also helps that neither is the others subordinate so they don't need to maintain their image as badly with the Co-captain as they do their team.

The ex cons sorta accidently absorb some of the autobot's morals over time. The cons help the autobots have some fun. There's a lot of stuff learned both ways. Also the cons realize how cool humans can be and after a lot of argument and forced time spent with the kids, they want to protect earth too.

Starscream, helps Optimus open up a bit more and allow himself to be emotional. He also shows him how to be a little selfish. Optimus in turn helps him with self confidence and making friends. Both help each other with the shit Megatron put em both through and overall boost one another up. (This also does change the start of the war a bit but I'll get to that in another post.)

Miko tries to fight all of the cons at first but quickly changes her tune cause "BOOYAH PIRATE CONS!!"

Other bits about this AU:

Starscream will eventually get a slight design change. It'll be less scrappy and look more confident and put together. It'll be minor

Because they are on a flying ship but have less energon than the Nemesis, everyone gets equipped with mods for flight. There is a jetpack upgrade one can get or Knockout can straight up help change their alt mode surgically.

I'm working up a list of who gets what flight mod but... Ya'll should know that Wheeljack dares Knockout to make him into a flying car. Largely cause I just got the image of Wheeljack flying above vehicons and just turning into a car and dropping on them. That and driving up the side of the Nemesis and confusing the fuck out of Megatron. Out of all the characters you know that would be a Wheeljack thing.

Arcee and Knockout grieve together.

Knockout loves bugging the hell out of Ratchet. It's extra fun for him cause Ratchet often can't do shit about it since they both need the room and tools.

Knockout and Wheeljack become an insufferable duo with the nicknames they have for everyone.

Wheeljack won't leave Starscream alone and keeps coming up with worse and worse nicknames like he did with Ratchet.

Starscream and Ratchet become complaining buddies.

STARSCREAM'S SEEKER SQUAD REJOINS. Well some of them. Skywarp, Thundercracker and maybe other peeps.

Miko manages to befriend Skywarp and Bulkhead now has to watch both Miko AND Skywarp. Wheeljack refuses to help Bulkhead round them up.

Raf hits it off with Thundercracker.

Knockout: "FINALLY a team with fragging MANNERS!"

Instead of Beeftimus Prime from the forge, Optimus actually gets access to a third alt mode and.. Idk something else primely. So he actually gets wings.

Starscream and the other fliers are greatly amused because Optimus, as great as he is at his poker face most of the time, hasn't yet figured out how to not emote with the pair of wings he gets from the forge. Thundercracker is the one who eventually informs him while the rest of the crew are booing loudly in the background.

I actually do have designs of TFP Skywarp, Thundercracker, and Ironhide in the works.

Fowler and Starscream have insult battles. Oddly both grow a weird almost fondness for these verbal sparring sessions

They frequently raid the Nemesis

Miko keeps talking in a pirate voice. Smokescreen has joined her.

AND A LOT OF OTHER STUFF I'LL GET INTO WITH MORE DETAIL AND ART. I'll also talk more in depth about some of these things that isn't a ramble like this post is. xnwjskw.

Feel free to ask about anything you're curious about.

[daaziscoolbesties]

minecraft endermen are really weird. theyre unnatural and make me feel off.

when i was a small child like seven years ago i would always play minecraft on creative mode and i made an ugly ass enderman "farm" made out of bricks. i had an enderman spawn egg and id just spam it and the enderman couldnt get out (so i thought). anyways having them in this enclosure was probably so i could feel "powerful" over them because to date theyre still the only mob in minecraft that makes me anxious. even above skeletons(which i used to have a horrible fear of (the real life ones not mc ones)) and spiders (which i still have a horrible fear of (again the real life ones not mc)). anyways the endermen just ended up completely teleporting out of the farm and i checked on my world the next day and they were all gone and i didnt appreciate it (this was the same world where my brother blew up my pets but thats a different story).

anyways back to endermen. besides the fact that i just didnt like dying and i did like building ugly structures, one of the main reasons i didnt play survival much for a while, or if i did id put it on peaceful, was because of the enderman. every time i passed one my heart would drop and if i happened to look it in the eye on accident my throat would feel like its closing up and idk why. if it sounds like im bullshitting you or not remembering correctly i swear im not because it still happens actually.

i play survival a ton more now simply because i enjoy it more, it feels like theres actually a goal to achieve, but i never really make efforts toward said goal(ya know, beating the dragon). none of my worlds are really created with the intention of beating the dragon, and therefore i dont have to worry about endermen. if i happen to be outside my house and theres one there, no worries i just wait for it to go away. it may spook me for a sec but im fine.

but recently me and my sister started a world with the sole purpose of beating the dragon. we may have cheated a little (like putting on keep inventory cause honestly we both suck at pvp and have died so many times) but its okay cause thats it. we still have to fight endermen to get pearls for the end portal. and so we were hanging out in the nether and made a little two block tall hidey hole and id stand by the front and taunt endermen to get them to come close so i could kill them without them being able to get to me and it worked really well actually. except for the fact that to get them to come near i had to get them to aggro onto me and to do that i have to look them in the eye and you know where this is going. and so i was like "it has been so long since i looked an enderman in the eye surely i cant still be scared of them" and i turn to my sister like "<sister> you stay in the hole ill get us some pearls"

so i go out and taunt the dudes and guess what bitch got the pit in their stomach from these fuckers!! thats right bestie and my throat started to close up and i started talking to my sister again but i could tell me voice was off from it and i dont know why it happens but it pisses me off. like theyre not even scary looking theyre just a bit odd. and i continue to do this and kill the endermen and it just. doesnt. stop. my throat keeps closing up and im not "in pain" or anything just inconvenienced like what the fuck dude its a bunch of fucking pixels. i dont know its weird.

and now this part is gonna sound super fuckin stupid but ever since i started watching dsmp i immediately got attached to ranboo (cc! and c!) and knowing that c!ranboo was half enderman made me really think "hm endermen arent that bad. granted i havent interacted with one in a while but still not that bad. perhaps my favorite hostile mob" because you know people get attached to characters and think dumb things. and then again ranboo's character straight up existing and also this one specific headcanon i saw that was like "endermen use telepathy to talk so when a player looks at them all their thoughts get projected into them and it hurts their brain :((" makes me feel kinda bad for aggro-ing them and killing them again even though its literally just some pixels dude. my brain is not kind to me about this stuff and its really dumb.

i dont know what about the endermen staring back at me sets off the sort of fight-or-flight that makes me unable to breathe for a second but its something. its not the fact that their jaws basically unhinge when theyre mad because the throat closing up sensation happens before that. it happens when i look at an enderman and it looks back up at me and holds my gaze. i dont know. i dont know why im worked up(even slightly) over a video game. theyre still my favorite hostile mob i think (not just because of ranboo honestly the other hostile mobs just kinda suck).

and also i like the idea of how humanoid they are. not human. humanoid. they have the basic aspects of a minecraft human- square, head, torso, legs, arms, eyes. most mc skins dont even have mouths anyways just eyes. but the endermen have these features differently than us. their eyes are unnatural, legs and arms too long, body all one color, one that can blend in, and you can only see its purple eyes staring you down from a distance. theyre basically just cryptids.

despite skeletons and even zombies looking closer to the player than the endermen, they still seem the most human-like of all of the mobs. they arent aggressive unless provoked. they dont like eye contact(socially awkward). they like picking up stuff and moving it around. theyre curious (i cant explain this one they just are, okay?). even the sounds they make are just phrases like "hey" "hello" "whats up" distorted and in reverse.

i want to know more about them.

i want to know where they came from.

why theyre found in every dimension.

why they sound like us.

i want explanations, i want to know why they scare us.

i want to know if they know.

if they know that we're like them in some way.

that some of us dont mean harm, but for others thats all they want to do to the endermen.

i saw a post once that said "what taught humans to be wary of things that look human, but arent?" i believe the phenomenon is called uncanny valley. what if in the minecraft universe, the thing that taught us that was endermen. or rather, the thing that taught the endermen that was us? because again, the endermen pose no threat to us unless theyre provoked. by one of us. the endermen try to communicate with us- "⊑⟒⊬" "⍙⊑⏃⏁⌇ ⎍⌿?"- but we kill them without reason. thats why they dont like eye contact, its been ingrained in them through evolution that eye contact with a human/player will end in death, and they dont want it to be theirs, so they attack first.

we- or rather, the first minecrafters, maybe (in the lore(?)) people before the game, taught the endermen to fear us. i mean we literally kill them, use their remains to enter their home dimension, and then kill their leader/mother. they do their best to stop us, but we can respawn and they cant. and then, some people even go as far as to make farms, having them all spawn in one place, crowded, cant teleport out- their only defense mechanism gone- and then are slaughtered for their pearls. and due to the mass of these farms there will be chests upon chests full of pearls that no one's using, i saw someone the other day ask what people do with them and someone straight up said they just burn them like god what a waste.

"but izzy, players make mob farms all the time and not just for endermen!!!1!!11! why are the endermen ones so bad why are you only talking about those1!1!1!!!1" 1) because i can, 2) this is an endermen-themed post, and 3) i dont like the other mobs. and of course im not actually mad at the players who like beating the game and making endermen farms and such, i mean thats what it is its all just a game just a bunch of code, 0's and 1's, so why does it matter why bother writing a whole post on it?

because when you look paste the game, when you read in between those ones and zeroes and discover this non-intentional lore, it can make things so much more,, interesting. this is fanfic material. hell, its probably fanart material too. its all for the content to see what the community can create i guess. or maybe i just really like talking about endermen and this has been on my mind for two days now and once i started typing i couldnt stop.

but yeah, thats my final thoughts.

we, humans, experience uncanny valley about the endermen.

but the endermen experience uncanny valley about the players.

[earthstellar]

Rewatching Transformers G1 S2: Episode 1: Autobot Spike

Yes, this is where the Surprised Ratchet meme image comes from:

This episode has a lot going on including near-death of a human character on screen, body horror/a Frankenstein plot, and some genuinely unsettling scenes mostly made creepy due to the combination of some interesting dialogue/voice acting and typical G1 Quality. 

And Spike shoots Starscream in the ass mid-flight, which is fantastic. 

He also shoots his dad, which is less fantastic. 

Being a horror nerd, I love this episode, so here we go! 

Gonna put this below a cut because I’m taking a lot of screenshots here:

You can watch the whole episode on YouTube here in 4 parts, if you want to watch along! 

Alright, so it opens with Sparkplug trying to create “Autobot X”, which is straight up just a Frankenstein’s Monster of autobot parts. It’s weirdly creepy, and vaguely reminiscent of the infamous Ratchet-Megatron fusion in the Marvel comics.

I want to point out that Sparkplug says “I wanna see what I can do with a lotta spare Autobot parts and some human ingenuity” before the reveal shot above, and that’s horrific if you think about it for more than like, three seconds. 

It also may have been the origins of the MECH plot line in TFP, actually! Very similar body horror type thing going on. Anyway.

It works briefly, but it flips out and has to get shut down. 

Ironhide fires a laser, problem solved, nobody’s worried. They put Autobot X in storage, because surely a rampantly aggressive seemingly sentient pastiche of random Autobot parts is nothing to worry about. It’s fine. 

Wheeljack is like, hell yeah, I’ll help you work on it later. Which is when we get the Surprised Ratchet image, because yeah, I bet Ratchet’s freaked out a little since this thing is made of SPARE AUTOBOT PARTS. 

Then we’re swept immediately into a fight with Megatron, as many Seekers as you can fit in frame at one time, and Soundwave. 

For whatever reason, Bumblebee shows up driving through a bunch of partially blown up missile/rocket components, with Spike in the driver’s seat. Even Spike is like, dude, why are we here? And Bumblebee is just like, I mean, we couldn’t NOT show up. lmao

Unsurprisingly, Bumblebee gets shot-- In alt-mode, with Spike inside. Uh oh. 

Megatron leaves, because Frank Welker can only voice so many characters at once, and our attention is turned to the carnage. 

Ratchet is like, sure, I can fix Bumblebee right up! Meanwhile, Ironhide is like oh god, oh my god, is this how you hold a human??? Is it dead??? Optimus is gonna be pissed. 

So Optimus rolls up like, listen, take him to the hospital, come on. Ratchet lets him in the back of his ambulance mode, and Prowl goes with him so that he can throw his emergency lights on to give the illusion of a police escort, ensuring the drive is even quicker. 

(I miss the days when Prowl wasn’t a total asshole.) 

It cuts pretty quickly to Spike in an operating theatre; Apparently getting shot by alien space lasers isn’t conducive to human health: 

It cuts again to the attending physician standing at Spike’s beside, presumably in ICU although they appear to be in a private room, with Sparkplug on the other side of the bed. 

The doctor says “Hmm, if only there were a way of separating Spike’s mind from his body while we work...” Which, uh, what? What surgeon says that? You can sort of already do that in actual human medicine, it’s called an induced coma. 

But sure, we need exposition here, I get it. The screenplay here is tight. Sparkplug says he has an idea...

Back at the Autobot hangout, things seem fairly chill, considering. 

Ratchet is welding Bumblebee’s ass in alt-mode, while Bumblebee complains about how long it’s taking. lol 

Meanwhile, Wheeljack and Sparkplug somehow have Spike hooked up to a Ghostbusters colander helmet, which will hopefully transfer his mind into the malfunctioning/in stasis Autobot X frame. Yikes. 

It works! Spike is now also Autobot X. We will call him Spike X for short. 

And for some reason, Spike saying “D-Da-ad?” with this faceplate expression is incredibly funny to me, while also being really weird and creepy: 

However, this is only cool for like two seconds, at which point Spike X truly starts to lose his shit. 

It gets real creepy here, with Spike X saying in a very oddly flat inflection “Why? Why did you do this to me? Why?” and it’s pretty wild. There’s even a mild strobe effect for a few frames. 

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker try to help calm him down, but Spike X throws them both across the room. 

Optimus is like, oh shit, we made a giant metal teenager. Stop him, but use low power, because if the Autobot X frame is damaged too much, then Spike’s consciousness may not be able to be returned to his actual human body. 

Note that Optimus says this in a pretty relaxed way, then levels a shoulder mounted cannon straight at Spike X, which is incredibly funny. 

It quickly gets deeply weird and creepy again when Spike X is temporarily able to talk with his dad, and states that “it’s hard to think, like something is telling me to do... bad.... things!” Yiiiiiikes. 

He gets it under control again, apologises to his dad for the outburst (I think it’s OK, Spike), and Optimus says that he’s cool to stay at the base and he’ll be taken care of while his human body heals up. 

However, oh shit, the Decepticons have found out that Spike now has an Autobot frame-- And they know he’s unstable. 

Starscream tries to roast him, but Megatron’s like, shut up nerd, we’re gonna make Spike X turn against the Autobots! It’s a good plan, I’m serious! 

Back at the Autobot base, Ratchet is still welding Bumblebee’s ass, and Bumblebee is still complaining. Wheeljack hooks up Spike X with some network television, and he’s watching... Frankenstein. Because the six year old kids who are the intended audience of G1 may not be familiar with the source material for this episode’s plot, I guess, which is fair. (Frank Welker nails it here as Dr. Frankenstein, but that’s unsurprising, because he always nails it. I think he’s also voicing Frankenstein’s Monster, but I haven’t checked the credits.)

Obviously, this isn’t a great thing for Spike X to be watching at this particular moment, so he freaks out again. 

Wheeljack and Sparkplug come running, and somehow Sparkplug is covering ground faster than Wheeljack. It’s fine, don’t worry about it. 

Ratchet’s progress on welding Bumblebee’s ass is interrupted by Spike X breaking through the wall and seemingly flying away. lmao 

They just sort of stand there, like, well, we lost him, I guess. 

Bumblebee is like, alright, gonna go get my boy. 

So he drives out of this massive crater, and Ratchet is like, wait! Your radio transmitter still doesn’t work. (Apparently their radio transmitters are located in their asses. Fascinating.) 

Spike X sits on a cliff and says “what a drag”, which, yeah. Being a Frankenstein space robot would be cool if not for the immense psychological damage this is absolutely causing. 

However, he also calls himself a “walking garbage can” in a completely genuine put-out tone of voice, which absolutely sells that this is a teenager in a giant robot body and I laughed, I won’t lie. 

Some of Megatron’s cronies locate him and hold his position. 

At the same time, Bumblebee shows up and tries to talk Spike X down from a random destructive rampage. 

He throws Bumblebee off the cliff! And Megatron’s squad is rolling up. (Well, flying up, anyway.) Uh oh! 

Spike X is like, hell yeah, bring it. More ass to kick. And it turns out his arm mounted cannon works, because he shoots Starscream directly in the undercarriage and says “YEAH, MAN!” and it’s so genuine. 

This is the perfect reaction to being a teenager in a giant robot body and just suddenly being able to shoot lasers and kick ass. Look at how happy he is, that he just shot Starscream in the butt mid-air. It’s awesome.

Unfortunately, the Seekers do actually beat him up, although Spike X puts up a good fight. 

Megatron then takes advantage of his further weakened state, and swoops in to pitch a classic “Join Us” speech. Spike X calls him “Megacrumb”, which is probably acceptable because he’s absolutely concussed by this point. 

Megatron is willing to overlook this for the sake of teaming up. 

Bumblebee eavesdrops, and drives away-- But Spike X gives Megatron a handshake, and agrees to “make them pay”. Oh shit! 

For some reason, Optimus and Ironhide are back at the rocket facility to watch a launch. Because I guess whatever, this whole situation is chill, let’s go watch rockets? IDK 

But either way, Optimus roasts the inferior quality of human technology, while Bumblebee just drives up on site despite Military Police levelling sniper rifles at him in order to report that Megatron is taking advantage of Spike X’s inability to think clearly. 

Optimus says “I feared something like this might happen”, which, if that were the case, why not take actions to prevent it, maybe? Not the strongest Optimus episode. 

To be fair though, Ironhide transforms and is already driving off before Optimus even gives the order to roll out, so I guess Ironhide either really wants to kick some ass or cares slightly more about Spike X’s wellbeing. He has no dialogue here, so we can only guess. 

They get there, with even more Autobots who showed up at some point in the rapid scene cuts here, and Spike X is super unhinged-- Charging his weapons, he starts speaking in a more strained and angry way, and engages the Autobots! 

He hits Optimus with what appears to be a chest laser? It’s hard to see. But it’s super effective: 

Optimus pleads with Spike X to calm down, but Spike X straight up pulls MEGATRON IN GUN MODE out of his sub-space and shoots Optimus directly in the faceplate. Damn! 

The Seekers and Soundwave drop in, and start rapid firing on all the Autobots present. 

We get some great shots of Megatron in his gun alt-mode as he tries to convince Spike X to keep attacking. Optimus and Bumblebee hide behind cover, attempting to bring Spike X to his senses long enough to disarm him. 

Suddenly, Wheeljack and Sparkplug roll up; Sparkplug attempts to talk some sense into Spike, too. 

Optimus and Bumblebee are at a loss; If they take out Spike X, the damage might take him out for good. 

However, Sparkplug fails in his efforts to talk to Spike X; He SHOOTS HIS DAD AND KNOCKS HIM OFF THE CLIFF. 

Can you imagine if they put an ad break here? lmao 

Luckily, he has like, a claw machine arm, and he catches his dad before he becomes a human smoothie. 

This shocks Spike X badly enough that while he still has Megatron in gun mode, he takes a few pot shots at the Seekers and the Decepticons decide it’s time to bounce, so Megatron bails too. 

He apologises for almost killing his dad, his dad is like hey no beef man, and it cuts to them in the hospital: 

Sparkplug takes his son’s body back to the Autobot base (that sounds worse than it is), and they prepare to transfer him back into his body. 

What’s extra funny here is that he nervously laughs and says “Hope you fixed this thing up good, Ratchet!” And Ratchet says absolutely nothing. Not a word. 

It’s a success! Dad and son hug, totally not even addressing anything that happened this whole episode, because that’s a job for a therapist. 

Ratchet, who continues to not really care about any of this, tells Wheeljack “You know, I could probably repair that mess, but I think it’s best that I don’t.” (This is a play on what Wheeljack said earlier in the episode when he offered to help Sparkplug fix up Autobot X to begin with.) 

I love how tired Wheeljack looks. LOL

Spike, now recovered, leaves us with a great question to close out the episode: “I wonder what it’d be like for a robot mind to be transferred... to a human!” 

Depending on what kind of kid you were, his question was either imagination fuel for fun humanformer ideas, or was a blatantly bad question indicating he learned nothing and providing nightmare fuel trying to imagine one of the Autobots losing their shit in a human body the same way Spike lost his shit while inhabiting Autobot X. 

Anyway, great episode! 10/10 Scary, funny, creepy, Starscream got shot in the ass by a teenager. 

[xhanisai]

Without you, what is the point?

AO3 / FFN

Summary: The relief was instantaneously doused with ice cold water, freezing Ladybug from head to toe as Noir asked the question that has been eating him away since he woke up. "I want the truth, and the truth only..."

.

"Who the hell was that white monster?"

( One second Ladybug and him were fighting a brutal akuma; a malevolent, broken person whose powers enabled you to experience the most traumatising memory the person closest to you have suffered (an absolute insane method to enforce empathy), the next second, he was...Here.)

A/N: Was inspired by this post on tumblr to write this up and the delicious angst monster inside me rose like a motherfucker, ready to wreck havoc. Now suffer :))))) (Takes place after the episode: Ladybug. So, canon divergent.) "Even if I cry, even if I smile, even if I hate, I'll live my life with love" Samurai Heart (Some like it hot!) - SPYAIR ~(x)~ . . . 'What...what is this!?' 

Chat Noir's knees buckled before he could comprehend, collapsing to the surface he was perched on, eyes wide open and lips parted in absolute horror. Icy, sharp shivers ricocheted through his veins, his entire body shivering as he frantically observed the dystopian element around him and choked. One second Ladybug and him were fighting a brutal akuma; a malevolent, broken person whose powers enabled you to experience the most traumatising memory the person closest to you have suffered (an absolute insane method to enforce empathy), the next second, he was... Here. The remains of Paris and its monuments floated like motionless corpses in the deadly sea, his paralysed body stuck to a stray beam belonging to the Eiffel Tower like glue. The moon was absolutely shattered and split into halves up above, answering his questions on why the sea level was so high but generating more worries about how the satellite managed to get into that state in the first place. Most importantly, he knows with all of his heart and soul that the person that he considers the closest to him was his Lady...so what on earth did she experience? And when!? What the hell happened to their beloved home??? "YOU'RE BREAKING MORE THAN MY HEART NOW, MARINETTE!" Noir took a double take, leaping to his feet by muscle memory and whipping out his baton in combat mode, ready to protect Marinette at all costs from the angry voice, only to pause and his body to become paralysed once more. His mind speeding faster than the speed of sound as the dread that rooted itself in his stomach started to build up and spread out like a plague, muscles twitching with the fight or flight response. "Ma...Marinette? This is...Marinette's memory?" His lips trembled as he murmured to himself, vaulting away from the area with his weapon and hastening towards the sound of the horribly familiar voice. The cogs were starting to click in his mind but the more he saw of the destroyed city, the more apprehension gnawed on the base of his skull, his brain screaming to get the girl to safety no matter the costs. His heart pummelling his chest as the jitters inside pressured bile to build up in his tight throat. By the time he reached the area, Chat Noir felt like his soul left his body, shackling his frame on a lone, abandoned pillar as his face blanched with terror and gutted him. "Give me a hug...MARINETTE!" Chat Noir couldn't do anything but blink as the stark, white...imposter attacked, his Lady (his princesse) scrambling to her feet in order to dodge the infinite amounts of ancient destruction that was headed her way. Alabaster discs of elimination barely grazing the surface of her suit... Blinding power surges of eradication decaying the area she was momentarily stranded in mid-run... Omnipotent beams of slaughter swallowing everything it touched... All the poor blonde could do was gape inaudibly, every attack his doppelganger threw and every aghast expression Ladybug made, branded to his brain mercilessly until all he could see... ...Was black. ~(x)~ "Chat Noir! Chat! CHAT NOIR!"

A voice... "Chat, please wake up! CHAT!"

Her voice... Before the girl cradling him on her lap could breathe, Chat's eyes snapped open and the boy exhaled sharply, shooting up into a standing position and scanning his surroundings like a cornered, frightened animal. His ears, both human and feline, were deaf to Ladybug's queries as blood roared in the drums, almost didn't feel her hands clasping his forearms as he whipped his head around back and forth. The odd silent rooftop they were stranded on allowed him to scour the city, proving that Paris was still intact. The moon up ahead was still whole and luminous in the night sky- perhaps brighter than it usually was. No akuma around- most likely defeated by Ladybug solidarity. And... And, there wasn't a white cat in sight, much to his relief... "Chat, breathe." Finally, the teen clad in black acknowledged his Lady, the girl now cupping his cheeks, fingers digging through his blonde tresses and eyes both soft and wary. "You're safe now. I'm here." She added, knotting her digits into his strands with a sigh. Thankfully, the hero visibly relaxed, pupils no longer constricted to mere, dangerous slits and his erratic heartbeat was now simply an echo in his aching chest. He allowed himself to lose control then, pulling Ladybug into his arms despite her squeaks and hiding his face in the crook of her neck, the shock and confusion from the event that just transpired mere seconds ago like a nightmare ravaging through his flesh. The hair on the back of his neck stood up on its ends and his sentient tail wrapped around them both like a ribbon, bringing them closer and closer. Chat didn't even note the soft purr that escaped his body, a defense mechanism that he was usually absolutely embarrassed about. Ladybug let out a softer sigh this time, body losing tension as her lashes fluttered shut and she inhaled his familiar, fresh scent to keep her grounded. His soothing purrs contributed to the break down of intensity. She felt goosebumps rise under her suit as his claws tentatively combed through her twin tails, tangling up with her raven locks and his soft lips parted open and shut against her neck, his breathing still coming out fast and unsteady. Despite her attempting to make him feel safe, she in turn felt like it was him trying to protect her, the anxiety and questions that she tried to push away flaring inside her body like a bomb. Yet, the way his figure perfectly curled around hers like a weighted blanket and the way his strong, toned arms pressed her against his chest, his heart beat drumming against her heart, allowed Ladybug to drop all her guard and simply indulge herself in his warmth. A selfish luxury that she tried her best locking away in the deepest crevices of her heart and swallowing the key. However, just one raw touch from her partner, one moment of weakness and the Pandora's box was opened, a waterfall of emotions and feelings seeping out of her pores with relief. . The relief was instantaneously doused with ice cold water, freezing Ladybug from head to toe as Noir asked the question that has been eating him away since he woke up. "I want the truth, and the truth only..." . "Who the hell was that white monster?" His face remained hidden under her jaw, his arms locked around her torso so that she couldn't escape. Not this time. He felt the way her form tensed up again, her breathing quickening and her lashes brushing against his suit wildly as she blinked her eyes open in shock. 'No...no! He couldn't have...he SHOULDN'T have seen THAT.' Ladybug screamed internally, panic welling up in her throat, causing all words to die on the tip of her tongue and replace it with a weight, her eyes quick to water with anguish. She shook her head, digging her fingers into his shoulders, physically begging him to let it go. "Y-You..." She sniffed, looking away to the side, guilt plastered all over her face and unable to meet the heated glare her partner directed when he pulled his head away to confront her. His arms remained an iron cage, one his Lady could break out of if she really wanted to but she remained limp in his hold. "You should forget about that..." She answered weakly, still avoiding eye contact. "Nothing good will come out of knowing-" Anger ripped through his body and Chat Noir's jaw clicked from the intense way his teeth grounded themselves against each other, his tail snapping against the floor with outright rage and his eyes as venomous as a predator's. "I'm not going to repeat myself again, Marinette." His steely hiss was a sudden, harsh blow against her screaming heart, the girl's eyes widening as she faced the pissed off boy, lips parted in a gape. "Who the fuck was that!? And when?? When did THAT happen!?" She shook her head again, prepared to counter back and deny everything he said no matter how foolish it was, only for her world to spin as he instantly swept her up, bridal style and took off with outstanding speed. The force of his enhanced power boost against the rooftop caused an explosion of cracks in the concrete and slates, his body like a bullet as he manoeuvred from rooftops to streets and lamps with leaps, twists and turns. The cargo in his arms doing nothing to hinder his speed and strength as the elusive black cat darted to his destination like a shadow ninja and almost invisible to the naked eye. Ladybug couldn't do much but keep her face pressed against his throat, her arms around his neck like a vice, her heart still clenching and unclenching under her ribs at the sudden revelation. He knew now... He knew who she was! She tried so hard to keep it a secret, so hard to protect him! Yet, just like everything else in her life, it blew up in her face! Tears streamed down her cheeks without permission, her mind anticipating a sudden visit from a disappointed Bunnyx who would undoubtedly berate her for destroying the future again and causing her partner's ultimate demise once more. What the hell did Maître Fu even see in her anyways??? The right thing to do now was take away her miraculous here and there and never let her come across her Chaton again! Not after knowing the pain that she will bring to him in the future. She would give up everything in the world if it meant that her partner could live a happy, safe future. Even if it's without her by his side. Suddenly, Ladybug felt her surroundings halt to a slow but steady stop. Experience with running at inhuman speeds allowed both heroes to polish off their sprints and landings- otherwise the heroine would have definitely been shot out of his arms the minute he braked. She tensed as her body was brought back to its bearings, her ears now hyper-aware of his thrumming heartbeat and her feverish face sensitive from her tears and Chat's body heat. With tenderness, a juxtaposition from his momentary frustrations earlier on, Chat Noir deposited Ladybug on her feet, his eyes hidden under his fringe and his frown breaking her heart into two. He kept his distance, perhaps a metre or so away from her, leaning against what she recognised as the railings of her humble abode's balcony. The teen girl swallowed, the sight of her home cementing the fact that her partner unquestionably knew who she was under the mask. And he absorbed the idea as naturally as breathing. As if it was no surprise that the girl behind the impenetrable mask was none other than herself. No questions, no double takes, like he knew all along... Tikki, despite Ladybug's lack of willingness, unravelled the transformation on her own, her charge frozen on the spot completely as if she was stark naked, hugging her body to herself. "T-Tikki!?" Marinette rasped, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed with slight betrayal. The little Goddess only sighed and delivered a comforting smile, stroking the teen's cheek. "You need to tell him everything. Don't worry anymore. I...I think it's time." "It's...It's time...? You- you don't know that! What if it's not!? What if Bunnyx pops out of nowhere right now and says otherwise!? What if another disaster happens!? What if-" "Marinette. Please. Trust me and talk to him." The kwami directed Marinette's chin to her partner who was yet to move a muscle, eyes still shadowed by his unruly locks and knuckles whitening under his suit from the tight grip on the railings. The French-Chinese couldn't help but shiver. Why couldn't things just be swept under the rug for now? Why couldn't things go her way for once in her life? "You don't need to be so tense." Chat's sudden words sent a jolt down Dupain-Cheng's spine, arms now folded behind her back as she nervously bounced from one leg to the other, bottom lip worried by her teeth. "I'm sorry for blowing up on you like that. That was such a dick move of me." He tilted his chin up, eyes now visible and gleaming with such melancholy that Marinette wanted to do nothing but envelope his sad little face into her arms and soothe his pain away. "I just...I need to know, Marinette. What did I see? What did you go through?" A beat of silence went by, sombre greens gazing into empty blues. The wind was almost silent and the arrondissement was asleep for the night, giving the two more privacy than they could ask for. Taking a gamble, Chat pushed away from the railings, approaching the girl hesitantly and decreasing the distance between them both. "This isn't something that can be forgotten or unspoken about forever, Princesse." His eyes were pleading, faux ears drooped against his blonde hair and tail slack against the floor. The glow of the moon and fairy lights made the scenario quite dreamlike and hazy but the feel of his clawed fingers entangling with hers indicated that everything was very much real. "I...I'd rather hear it from you than try to piece it together by myself. I don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions and I don't want anymore misunderstandings between us...no more...no more secrets, please." His eyes bored into her very being, heightening her nerves but at the same time, she wanted the very dams that were holding her back to finally break and bestow everything her partner deserved. She decided to take Tikki's advice, the little ladybug in question hidden away to give the pair some confidentiality. "Before I do," Marinette began quietly, rubbing a circle on the back of Chat's hand and peering to the side momentarily below her lashes and then back at him again. She bit her bottom lip, debating internally whether she should go with what she had in mind or not. "Can you promise me one thing?" "Anything." The boy replied without a beat, face intent and serious. Marinette nodded, as if to reassure herself first, squeezing his hand and her heart skipping a few beats when he squeezed back with much gusto. "Promise me that you'll still fight by my side, no matter what." "W-What? I mean, obviously I will! I told you many times, it's me and you against the world-" "Promise me!" The designer demanded, her face ambitious despite the way Chat almost jumped out of his skin. Her eyes were now pained and stormy but it was also determined and raw. The windows to her soul. "Yes...I...I promise." He squeezed her hand tighter and then grasped the other one with his spare hand, bringing both of them to his lips so that he can deliver a chaste kiss against the knuckles, his emerald crescents never leaving her gaze. He also smiled sadly, ears lowered in submission, knowing that what he will hear from now would make or break him. Letting out a shuddering exhale, a breath she didn't know she was holding, Marinette beckoned him to follow her to the back of her balcony so that the two could sit down against the wall. Originally, she was attempting to sit by his side, only for him to grab her waist and settle her on his lap, resting his forehead against her shoulder from behind and interlocking his hands with hers. If her silly partner pursued to make the same move a long time ago, before the events that occurred after Bunnyx pleaded her to save the future, Marinette would have pushed him away with jest and reprimand him for his lack of personal space. Now? Now she craved for every source and warmth from him. Now she indulged in every touch and smile he gave. Now she relished the way his heart beat in sync with hers and fit perfectly with her body. "Whenever you're ready," Chat prompted, the heat of his form setting fire in the pits of her stomach yet alleviating all the heart ache and suffering she endured for the past lonely, long months. She stared up at the night sky, leaning her head back against his shoulder, her blues then peering to the side at the golden strands that took over her vision as the hero remained with his face hidden. She played with his fingers and began to recall everything to him. ~(x)~ "...No..." His first word after she recited the entire event was no more than a breath. The boy was on his knees, sitting parallel to Marinette now as he couldn't stand being able to freely touch her, knowing what exactly he was capable of. "Chat?" Fear exploded in the girl's chest, her heart swelling with apprehension as she watched Chat tremble and eye his hands with indescribable hate. "...Chat Noir?" Regret was evident on her face, the loud, pessimistic persona inside slapping her for not keeping her mouth shut. "...I...I..." Immediately, the images of Marinette's memories that he stumbled across earlier on barrelled into his mind without grace, stabbing his brain with all the harsh truths and the utter devastation that he caused with one hand. The miraculous on his horrendous finger suddenly looked vile and disgusting, weighting the digit like a burden. A miraculous with a power like this does not deserve to exist- no. A monster like him does not deserve to exist. "I can't do this." The boy didn't dare to look at his partner, swift to twist the ring off his finger but was met with a strong lunge and wail from his companion before his detransformation could settle. "No! You promised!" Marinette cried, face hidden into his now, cotton shirt and shaking her head over and over again, repeating her words. The ring merely laid a few feet away from them, Plagg unable to eject himself from the jewel as the miraculous itself was rejected by the boy. "Marinette- how...how could you want me after all of that!?" His hands were on her shoulders, trying to push the distraught girl away but she remained persistent, latching on his shirt and refusing to see his face, his identity. "I destroyed the world! I-I-I destroyed our home! Our friends! Our family! You!" His words trailed into a sob and his voice cracked, tears cascading down his eyes. "I don't care...you promised! You're not allowed to break them! I won't let you!" Marinette's arms interlocked around his torso like an iron cage, body shaking with pure heartbreak. "You promised...you promised..." She chanted like a mantra, his shirt now saturated with her tears. Yet, Adrien couldn't help but be overwhelmed with not only her affection, but also his for her. Finding out that his Princesse and his Lady were one in the same was like a priceless wish granted by the most benevolent of Gods. Of course the girl he loved turned out to be his other half, his partner, his life. Of course the girl he loved turned out to be sweetness incarnate, a bundle of selflessness, his everything. But now knowing that he turned the very same person into a gaping corpse under the sea in an alternative timeline? "You deserve better...so much better..." Adrien whimpered out, ceasing his struggles to get out of her hold and giving in to his selfish desires, cradling Marinette against him with his arms. "You deserve someone who would never, ever have the power to hurt you. You deserve someone who can make you happy. Someone who you won't fuck up everything for you-" "Shut up! I don't want anyone else! I want you!" As if to emphasise her point, she headbutted his chest, earning a surprised grunt from him whilst her nails dug into his skin through the cloth. "And if you leave without the ring tonight, then I will no longer be Ladybug..." Her muffled threat was like a slap across the model's face, the boy pulled away indignantly, grasping her shoulders so that he could see her face. Marinette on the other hand, kept her eyes stubbornly closed, fingers still grasping on his shirt so that there was still very little distance between them. "Don't be stupid Marinette! Dieu, you are the most smartest girl out there- you shouldn't be spouting such ridiculous bullshit! Paris needs YOU. You're the only one who can do the damn job right-" "And Paris needs you too!" The bitterness and heat in her face then subsided, her shoulders slouching as Marinette hung her head low, exhaustion weighing on her soul. "I'm the one who messed up...I'm the one who caused the future..." "I'm the one who destroyed it! I don't see how any of this is your fault Marinette!" "But it is, Chat! I fixed it by undoing the stupid mistake that started all of it! But now, now? Everything...everything is ruined again! You're leaving me...alone..." Adrien felt his heart shatter at the way his love curled in to herself, her slender digits slipping away from his shirt to cover her face, her knees tucked against her forehead and her broken whimpers ransacking her body. Guilt, self-loathing and self-hate devastated his body to the point where he was choking on his sobs, his grip only tightening on her shoulders as his body shook with tears. He did this. He turned her into this. He's nothing but despicable, atrocious, monstrous- "Marinette! Adrien! Watch out!" Tikki's alarmed cries snapped the two out of their state, the former feeling the breath knocked out of her lungs at the sudden revelation of who exactly her partner was. The feeling was then replaced with ten times more pressure when she allowed her eyes to rest on his figure, more than enough evidence that the boy truly was her other half. Her body froze. Agreste on the other hand gaped at the fluttering akuma butterfly that made way towards them, grabbing Marinette instinctively against his chest and spinning them around so that his back was facing the detestable creature. "Adrien!?" Mari gasped against his shoulder but the boy only replied by pressing her closer against him, one hand cradling her neck whilst the other clutching the fabric on her back, a defeated smile resting on his lips. "No matter what, no matter the circumstances, you cannot be akumatised. If me alone managed to do what I did in the future, then the world would be absolutely doomed if you were to be under Le Papillon's control." His never ending tears kept falling, dripping into her hair as he inhaled her sweet, vanilla scent like a soldier going to war. As if this was the last time he was going to see her. "You. Idiot. STUPID!" Marinette tore herself away from him, slapping her hands against his dumb face and bringing it towards hers aggressively, a tiny part of her inside cackling at his bewildered expression. "Neither of us will get akumatised! Not now, not ever!" With that said and done, gaining a hopeful glimpse from her Chaton's eyes, Marinette slammed her lips against his, swallowing down his gasps as she attempted to give him the most passionate, meaningful, desperate kiss she could ever muster. All her feelings, her thoughts and wishes were poured into this one, singular, press of lips. Her soft, chapped pair bruised clumsily against his confused but sweet pair. Their inexperience and befuddled emotions made the kiss sloppy and painful, teeth clicking against each other and noses knocking with one another from time to time, the exhales from their noses causing their faces to tickle uncomfortably. The upcoming akuma was soon pushed to the back of their heads as the pair relaxed, Adrien tilted his head to a slight angle, reciprocating the kiss with more instinct and capturing her bottom lip, feeling Marinette shudder under his touch as his experimentally traced the seams of her lips with his tongue. She in turn pulled on his upper lip, slipping her hands away from his face and trailing them down his shoulders, resting them there and letting her fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt. Their hearts pounded in sync, what seemed like years of unrequited pining turned into heat and more under their skin, swallowing each other's sighs and gasps. Their selfish desires, their yearning wishes, all granted into this collection of intimate kisses that only stole their breaths away over and over again. "Adrien, mon Adrien," Marinette couldn't stop the sweet little whisper that left her lips, brushing his. Her already rouge tinted cheeks simply reddened in full force as the boy gazed at her with so much love and so much admiration, it hurt. His response was to kiss her again, boldly slipping his tongue fully into her mouth as he pushed her down to the ground, one hand tearing off the ribbons in her hair so that they can comb through the silky tendrils and the other clutching her upper back, their legs entangled in a way that one wouldn't know where they started and where they ended. Marinette never felt such heat, such passion, such love in her life, ever. She let herself go, pushing away all logical thoughts and queries as she let herself sink into this wonderful feeling. Her mind rebooted every second, every moment as the duo explored each other's mouths and lips, noting down the silky feel of the flesh and the sensitive points. Adrien felt his heart swell to the point where he couldn't breathe. If being able to kiss Marinette like this forever was possible, he'd have definitely stayed like that. "Stay, Adrien. Stay..." Cheng breathed out, slowing down the kiss to a lazy, softer pace. Her request halted the boy in his movements, his lips which were puckered against her cheek tightened into a grimace. This time, Marinette cupped his cheeks with more softness and sweetness, her lips curling up into a timid, rosy smile. The strawberry complexion in her cheeks brought out the blue in her eyes, making them glitter under the moonlight. Slowly, Adrien took one of her hands off his cheek with his own, never breaking eye contact as he rubbed circles in her finger-bones and then applied sweet, feather kisses along the appendage. He let out an exhale, his lips carrying a bittersweet smile as he tilted his head to the side. He searched for any doubts, any distrust in her eyes but all he saw, much to his ecstatic boyish joy, was her never-ending love for him. Her doubtless trust in him. Like they were soulmates. "Are you...are you sure? That you want me? Even though I'm...me?" He wasn't used to such raw, positive emotions directed towards him. He has been abandoned, neglected and scorned at for so long in his life that the idea that such an incredible, wonderful girl wanted him of all people was unimaginable! Yet, this was his reality. And she kissed him...she kissed him like that. Like they were made for each other. Though, this in turn got him thinking about something else, confusion now printed on his face. His heart scowled, threatening him at gunpoint if he dared to ask the burning question. "Wouldn't...wouldn't you prefer to have the boy you like as your partner?" His question was met with a mischievous smile, an attractive raised brow. Marinette simply tugged his face closer to hers so that their noses shared a gentle kiss, her smirk widening. "Bold of you to assume that he already isn't." For the umpteenth time, Adrien found himself rendered speechless by his Lady, the redness in his cheeks blooming by ten folds as the puzzles and bridges started to connect in his mind. Albeit it took a while but in his defense, the hot kiss which should have been evident enough of Marinette's feelings for him, turned his brain to mush. "M-M-Me? All this time...I was my own rival???" His look of awe and shock then switched to deadpan and annoyance. Adrien groaned, shoving his face into Marinette's hair and wrapping his arms around her body. "I've been cockblocking myself..." "So have I," Mari stroked his hair, eyes closed with contentment and body completely knackered from the roller-coaster of emotions she's gone through. "I tried to set you up with Nino." His tone was dry and beyond done. The boy was so done with life. "And I fixed that by setting him up with my best friend~" "I rejected you for you and got M. Dupain akumatised-" He then shot up, incredulity plastered on his face, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. "Wait a minute. Wa-aaaaait a minute." Marinette gulped under his scrutinising glare. "What was with the whole 'I'm in love with you Chat Noir' thing???" "Let's just say that I come up with the most dumb things on the spot when I think someone's connecting the dots to my secret identity..." "No no no, you are not getting off THAT easily-" "Ehem," The pair paused with their bickering, spotting Tikki who was watching them with an amused smile whilst one of her hands kept the akuma restrained by the antennae. "Maybe get rid of this first before you both get too deep into the flirting?" The little Goddess kept in a shit-eating grin as both teens bursted with red, fumbling to their feet and awkwardly looking at anywhere else but at each other. They couldn't believe they forgot about the akuma entirely! Not wanting to waste anymore time, Marinette transformed into Ladybug, quickly purifying the butterfly and watching it fly away with a soft smile resting on her lips. She wasn't blind to the wonder and astonishment Adrien had on his face, as he took in the entire scene with much pleasure. Ladybug sunk down, picking up the ring that Adrien threw away, rolling the jewel in her palm and then clenching it tight in her fist. She then faced the boy again, the latter looking away as fear still lingered on his body. He bit his lip, peering at her fist below his lashes and rubbing his arm self-consciously. "Adrien?" Ladybug rested her free hand on his, bringing it to her heart, smile never leaving her face. "Will you?" The model's face exploded with red. "H-Huh...?" "Will you be my Chat Noir again? Please?" She spread his hand, stroking the finger that was usually adorned by the powerful mantle. Mimicking his alter-ego's actions, she brought his fingers to her lips, kissing the calloused tips and trailing her soft, kiss-bruised mouth down the palm till it reached the inside of his wrist. She placed an open mouthed kiss, eating up the way he jumped slightly at the sensitivity. "I do! I-I-I mean!" He gulped, embarrassed by his ultra eager response, trying not to jump the girl into another kiss. It's not his fault that this felt like a marriage proposal. "If...if you think it's the right thing...me being Chat..." "You being my Chaton will always be the right thing, Adrien." His Lady smiled so wonderfully, slipping the ring on his finger in a manner that caused his heart to expand and explode on the spot. But then, then, she kissed him again. A saccharine, soft press of lips, the two teens grinning too much for it to be a proper kiss but they didn't care. It felt perfect. It felt amazing. It felt like right. "So is anyone gonna tell me what the fuck just happened???" The heroine and boy parted with a surprise, darting their eyes to the confused dark kwami who darted his head between them both frantically in return. His acidic green eyes then widened and his jaw dropped. "Don't tell me..." "I MISSED THE REVEAL!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...." . . . ~(x)~ A/N: 6PM me - "Oooo I'm going to make this super angsty and short so that I can do my homework later on!" 10 hours later... 4AM, sleep deprived me - "Hahahah...no UwU" I'm not proofreading till tomorrow. I'm gonna do my homework now. Bye hoes.

[iturbide]

Well, we both knew this was coming ever since I posted the ask game😂 8,9, 11,12, 16, 19, 20, 29 and 30!

we all knew it was coming

8. A scene/character moment you really liked?

One of the scenes I don't see talked about much at all but that I think about a lot is the one after Emmeryn's death, following the Shepherds' escape from Plegia and flight to Ferox. Chrom is at his lowest point, crushed by the weight of his failures, by the knowledge that he wasn't strong enough to save Emmeryn and she chose to sacrifice herself rather than let Gangrel win...and Robin reminds him, in that moment, about how powerless they were, not so long ago. How alone they had been, before Chrom offered his hand. They don't make light of Emmeryn's sacrifice, freely admitting that neither of them can match her on their own -- but that together, they can achieve so much more than they can individually. Robin reminds Chrom that he doesn't have to become his sister even if he fights for what she believed in, and assures him that even if he fails, they will be there to help him back up.

I've always loved that moment. It's the first time the game brings up the idea of bonds making people more powerful, and moreover it solidifies the bond that Chrom and Robin will share throughout the rest of the game: Robin promises to help Chrom up even if he should fall again...and I like to think that Chrom remembers that, and it's part of what motivates him to keep Robin by his side even after Validar forces Robin to turn on him once: he believes in those bonds, and knowing how low Robin is going to feel after that event, he wants to help pick Robin back up the same way Robin has helped him up countless times before.

9. What's something that should be brought back in future installments?

Well with the understanding that I am a filthy casual, I love having skirmishes as a leveling option. The older games are really hard for me to play because you have to really prioritize which units you use: there just aren't enough battles or experience to go around, making it impossible to really try to get a good feel for every character. Being able to have skirmishes, and moreover trigger additional skirmishes to level different characters, makes it easier to keep everyone in the same league, making it easier to pick units that will excel at a given map rather than being forced to take the only ones that have a suitable level even if they're poorly equipped (cavaliers on desert terrain please no). I'm really glad that 3H kept this aspect, even if it's mostly present on the lower difficulty modes (and once again it's great for Support grinding).

11. Talk about the game's themes!

"Our bonds give us strength" is probably my favorite thing about the whole damn game okay. I absolutely love that message, that together we are stronger than we are alone, and that it is through our friendships that our skills and talents truly shine. We can make each other better, not by berating each other, but by supporting each other, helping one another back up when we fail and striving to do better in the future. There's such a kind message in there that means a lot to me even now, and I tend to go on about it at length in...a lot of my stuff as you've probably noticed.

12. Your favorite cool details?

Okay this is really minor and silly but the Invisible Threads/Ties map?

I think this particular map is gorgeous. The colored stones radiating out from the central pedestal where the Fire Emblem sits, the Mark of Grima on the stairs leading up to the platform...just think about how much care and effort that kind of construction would require in the real world. This place is beautiful, and it's frankly a shame that we're forced to view it only as a place of evil. I can easily imagine this being a holy place, one of ancient rite and ritual; too bad we never get a chance to see it in better circumstances.

16. Favorite platonic relationship?

Robin and Lissa. Not because of the game, though (I actually don't like their supports that much) but because they're two people who can relate to one another in a really unique way. Robin is someone who has a Brand they do not want (at least once they know what it is); Lissa is someone who is lacking a Brand she should have. Both of them struggle with this, but the way they struggle -- particularly within the confines of Ylisse -- are likely very familiar, and I love the idea of them relating to one another and finding a confidante they can be open and honest with in ways they can't with others.

19. You get to make one more DLC for Awakening. What do you make?

Already covered! I don't have enough DLC ideas to put out more sadly

20. What do you feel is underappreciated about Awakening?

While I technically covered this one already, I think there are other things that are underappreciated. Like. The whole 'crusade' thing, and how Chrom's father, in Gangrel's own words, called them heathens and butchered countless Plegians. The game brings this up in one chapter -- and then it waves it off because Ylisseans suffered, too, and then forgets about it for the rest of the game. That's kind of a big thing to just drop, especially after a weak "both sides" remark. I don't even think IntSys appreciates the bombshell that really constitutes, given how they treat it -- which is a shame, because handled well it could have elevated the game even further.

29. What's an Awakening alt you want in Heroes?

Grandmaster Robin why are you taking so long to give us a Grandmaster Robin alt IntSys we haven't had an actual Robin since year 1 it's been Grimas the last two times I just want my badass tactician

30. Freebie!

Why doesn't Sumia have more supports??? She deserves so many more than she actually has and honestly one that I desperately wish I could have seen is Sumia and Kellam. Sumia, who has such low self-esteem that she wants to disappear into books and live other lives, Kellam who wants so desperately to be noticed even though no one ever sees him...imagine if Sumia was someone who could see him without issue. Imagine the two of them encouraging each other, bolstering one another's confidence and self-esteem, helping each other out -- Kellam helping Sumia cover up a clumsy mistake, Sumia giving Kellam flowers that help him get noticed. I just think they could have been so sweet and it's a travesty that IntSys wasted such a beautiful opportunity.

Awakening Ask Game

[fanfalc-616]

Time For Amnesia

Chapter Nine: Ice, Electricity, And Painful Injuries

(Previous Chapter Here)

Uhhh ok so I was working on the new chapter and I realized I never even posted chapter nine (on tumblr anyway it’s on ao3-). But uh yeah here it is,,, I’ll post ten (which I finally completed!!) tomorrow.

Also yes this is my new format for all fanfics hsjshdh

Eventually, Nya comes in, looking concerned.

“It’s getting late.” She notes, choosing not to comment on however she feels about how he’s been acting.

Kai nods. “Where am I sleeping?” A sudden thought strikes him. “I- I don’t sleep with… them, do I?”

Nya seems uncomfortable. “We agreed that that would be a bad idea, and before you got together, you used to stay in a different room- the room you woke up in. And-“

“Alright, I’ll just go there and go to bed.” Kai gets up from his spot on the floor.

After pausing for a moment, Nya nods. “Do you need me to show you where it is, or-“

He shakes his head. “I remember.” Without waiting for a response, he heads off to the room, silently grateful for the fact that he’s not going to have to spend the night with the others.

He’s only just sat down when there’s a knock.

Groaning, he gets up and walks over to the entryway, opening the door.

Cole stands there with a small, slight forced smile, holding a set of striped red pajamas. “These are for you.”

Eyeing him warily, Kai takes them. “Uh, th- thanks.” He stutters out, trying to ignore the way his mind flashes back to how he watched him make out with Zane.

“Are you okay? Your face is really red.”

Shit.

“Yeah I’m fine everything’s fine you should go now bye.” Kai blurts out in a rush. As soon as the words have left his mouth, he slams the door shut in his face.

Well, that solved absolutely nothing.

He has enough emotions going on- these people are crazy, and he doesn’t want to have to get to know them or have anything to do with them!

So why is his heart racing? Why does he feel like this?! He doesn’t want to like these assholes, he wants to be able to threaten to skewer them and actually mean it!

With a quiet grumble, he starts getting changed- but he almost drops the pajama shirt when he looks down at his torso.

Since when did he have a six-pack?! It’s not defined like a bodybuilder’s or anything, but he’s definitely got some strong muscles there.

Shaking his head, he goes back to putting on his pajamas. He must seriously work out a lot.

Well, if he’s a ninja savior of Ninjago, then he’s probably going to have to be in good shape.

Sighing, he turns off the light and gets on the bed. Curling up under the covers, he closes his eyes and tries to drift off.

If he’s lucky, maybe he’ll wake up back at home.

—————————

Kai wakes up in the red bed he went to sleep in.

Drat.

With a sigh, he gets up from the bed, and just as he does, the door opens.

Jay stands there, a nervous smile on his face. “I, uh… I guess your internal clock still works. But, uh, it’s breakfast time, so-“

With a groan, Kai walks over to him. “Alright, let’s go eat.” He grumbles.

He pretends not to notice how Jay tries to hold his hand, and after a moment, he stops trying to take it, and Kai ignores how that sparks guilt inside of him. It’s fine, he doesn’t care. He shouldn’t feel bad, he doesn’t even know him!

They’ve only just reached the dining room when an alarm starts blaring. Kai immediately feels himself switch into a fight-or-flight mode, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

Then Nya’s voice comes on over the comms. “Everyone to the bridge! Now!”

Jay tenses up. “C’mon!” Without waiting for a response, he takes off running, leaving Kai to chase him down the halls.

When they arrive at the bridge, everyone else is already there.

Zane immediately starts talking. “There appears to be a genetically engineered snake being used to terrorize New Ninjago City. From what we can tell, it was created by-“

“Cut to the chase!” Nya interrupts.

Lloyd shakes his head. “No, we have comms, we can get an explanation on the way. Let’s go!”

There’s hardly a pause before they all race out of the room- but Lloyd peeks back around the corner to look at him. “You- you just wait here, okay?”

Kai doesn’t get a chance to respond before the blond runs off, leaving him alone.

What the hell just happened?

Still trying to process things, he decides to go into the living room and see if he can watch what’s going on in the news. Whatever’s going on, it seems like a big deal.

So he walks in and turns on the TV, waiting for an explanation to be given.

He watches as a reporter- Gayle Gossip, she said her name was- shows some weird ice snake thing attacking the city. Listening carefully, he can just make out some words that the ninja are saying as they try to stop it.

“- weakness to heat-“

“-Zane, fall back-“

“MOVE!”

Kai stares in horror as he watches Nya get thrown from her vehicle and tossed into a building.

Something in him screams at him to move, and he listens to it, getting up from the couch and scrambling off to wherever the hell his instinct is taking him.

He finds himself in some kind of little launchpad like area for vehicles, and finds himself gravitating towards a red motorcycle.

Oh, what is he doing? He’s not seriously going to try and fight the ice snake, is he?

Yeah. Yeah, he is. Because no one messes with his little sister.

Kai starts up the bike and continues to trust his instincts, just doing whatever feels right.

Which is how he ends up screaming his head off while he falls from the sky on the motorcycle.

The bike falls out from under him, and Kai finds himself flailing about, still screaming.

Until he feels himself get grabbed, and a loud grunt escapes him as he scrambles for purchase on whatever he just fell onto.

He blinks a few times as he realizes that he’s on a- on a dragon what the hell-

Clinging to the rider of the dragon, he feels his eyes widen as he recognizes them.

“Zane?”

The robot looks back at him. “Kai?” He seems shocked. “You were supposed to wait on the ship!”

Before the brunet gets the chance to respond, the tail of the ice snake is suddenly striking towards them, and Zane has the dragon dip, trying to avoid it.

But it’s a rocky move, and they still get hit, the dragon literally disappearing under them.

Kai hits the ground with a loud thudding noise, but luckily enough, he doesn’t seem to be too badly hurt.

He gets to his feet, and Zane quickly runs up to him, getting in close.

Kai’s about to brush him off, but he’s caught off guard by his eyes. His bright blue eyes that glow, and the deep concern behind them as they stare into his own.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” His voice is gentle, full of concern and softness.

Kai swallows, but doesn’t answer, still captivated by the glowing blue irises that seem to stare through to his soul.

“Kai? Please, are you okay?”

He nods shakily, unsure why he’s so affected by something as minor as eye contact.

“I’m going to scan you.” Zane decides, setting a hand on his shoulder. His eyes flicker a little as he looks Kai up and down, a thin band of light emitting from them and falling over Kai’s figure.

And that’s when he snaps out of it.

Stepping away, he shoves Zane back, putting his arms out in front of him in defense. “Woah there, I did not agree to be scanned! So keep that little light show to yourself!”

The robot blinks a few times as he steps back, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “My apologies, I was only trying to-“

The snake’s tail slams into a building, sending wreckage flying everywhere. With a mumbled complaint that Kai can’t quite make out, Zane pulls him aside. “Stay out of trouble. I’ll return when the fight is over.”

Without waiting for a response, he runs off, leaving Kai alone.

He stands there for a few moments, looking around the torn up alley and listening to the nearby noises of combat. Something inside him is itching to go follow, and after a moment of consideration, he runs off towards the battle.

As soon as he gets close, he’s forced to dodge and duck behind some debris to avoid getting frozen by an icy blast. So it’s an ice creature, then?

… fire melts ice, right? Maybe if Kai can get close, he-

“Kai?! What are you doing here?!” Jay shouts, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the way of an attack.

“I’m helping!” Kai defends himself as the ginger uses a blast of lightning to shatter a large chunk of ice that had been flying towards them.

“No! No, you are not! I’m going to have to protect you instead of actually concentrating on the fight! Why didn’t you stay on the ship?!” Jay glares, grabbing Kai by the wrist and pulling him along.

“So I could come help!” The two of them narrowly miss getting impaled by flying concrete as they duck behind a still-intact building.

Jay looks downright furious- an expression that almost looks cute on his baby-ish face. “We have just covered that you are not helping! Not. Helping. Not helping at all!”

Kai feels his face flush some at the scrunched up nose and the way his cheeks puff out. Still, he manages to defend himself. “It’s ice and I have fire powers!”

Grabbing him again, Jay drags him around as they avoid getting impaled by debris created by the snake. “If this snake doesn’t kill you, I will! And if it does, I’ll resurrect you and kill you again!”

Kai arches an eyebrow at the statement. “Aren’t you supposed to be in love with me?” He complains.

Jay gives him a look. “It’s because I love you that I threaten to kill you. Because apparently threatening is your love language.”

“Huh?”

“You do it all the ti- LOOK OUT!” Jay tackles him, sending a blast of lightning at the the tail of the snake that’s crashing down-

Everything goes bright white, and pain wracks his body, making him cry out. They manage to avoid getting crushed, but only just, and the two of them end up sprawled on the ground.

Kai feels himself twitch some, all of his hair on end. Groaning, he glances over at Jay, who’s getting to his feet.

The ginger’s eyes widen as he looks at Kai. “Shit, I- are you okay?! I didn’t mean to shock you!”

He got shocked? Hmm. That would explain the excruciating pain.

With a groan, he forces himself to sit up. “ ‘m doin’ g-great.” He gets out, ignoring his blurry vision as he struggles to his feet.

“Kai-“

Jay is cut off when the snake is suddenly whipping back through, hitting the ginger clear across the alley- and the only reason he stopped there is because of a wall.

Kai winces as he watches Jay get slammed into the concrete. That can’t feel good.

Then again, he’s not exactly in peak condition either.

He struggles to get up a few times before resolving to just lay there. Jay will come get him in a minute, and even though it’s concrete, the ground feels awfully comfortable…

Even as his vision grows more and more blurred, he manages to make out several sets of combat boots, and then someone is picking him up, dragging him away.

Kai lets them, closing his eyes. It’s probably just Cole… yeah, Cole wears black, and is definitely strong enough to carry him around. That would make sense.

The world starts to fade, and Kai doesn’t bother trying to hold onto it.

Everything hurts, and it would be so much easier to ignore it and drift away…

And that’s exactly what he does.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Never enough time

Taken from the information scroll “Humans: Sages of our Time” by Rivrind Pios.

The often excepted portrayal of humanity is one of greedy bipeds with no sense of reasoning beyond their own personal wants and needs. I must confess that this notion is rather fitting for most humans as many I have encountered in my travels had been in the process of pursuing their own dreams and ambitions at the time and appeared almost blindsided to the world around them. 

Their seemingly endless need for excess seems to be their key driving factor. More food, more wealth, more power, more clothing, more hair, more muscles, more and more and more on and on for an eternity. Nothing ever appears to satisfying the teeming throngs of manlings until they are buried deep beneath the soil where they want no more. Countless worlds have been left in ruin by this rabid hunger for more to the point many species consider humans to be nothing more than a blight upon the very stars themselves. I myself began harboring such ideas of humans for some time as nothing I had seen in my journeys had shown me otherwise. It wasn’t until I came across one of the strangest humans I’ve ever met in the city of Shanghai on the human home world that finally gave me greater clarity to the inner workings of humans. 

I had been exploring the south eastern hemisphere of the world and found myself wandering the streets of Shanghai. It’s history of a rich trade city was clearly visible as it had been upgraded into a massive star port taking hundreds of craft in daily. While waiting for a layover to the north western hemisphere I found myself wandering the streets of the bustling city. 

The city was a maze of catwalks, boulevards, parks, back alleys, side streets, and market places. Several times I found myself accosted by other humans while wandering the avenues, though many soon lost heart and fled after I revealed my many rows of teeth. It seemed humans were not fond of many mouths and many teeth for some reason. 

While exploring I smelled something so delicious it had me enthralled from the moment I inhaled that delectable scent. Keenly I tracked down the aroma through several alleys and back streets, down three sub levels, and passed four cordoned checks before arriving at a neat little hole in the wall food dispensary called “Athens of the East” 

The inside was dimly lit with assorted rows of tables and chairs lining the walls. In the center of the room was a massive sandbox like ring where two humans were currently punching each other violently while the humans at the tables cheering and whooped. 

At first I found myself deeply confused as to why such a barbaric establishment would have such divine food smells coming from it until I noticed the tables with plates of food still on them. to say the morsels looked delicious was an understatement so I put aside my confusion about the entertainment and waved a waitress to sit me. 

To my displeasure it appeared that every table was occupied and I would have to wait as the crowds cheered again as one of the fighters took a punch to the face and went sprawling to the sand. I was just about to leave when one of the patrons at a table waved to me. They kicked a chair opposite them from beneath the table and waved for me to come join them. 

I had heard tales of humans luring unsuspecting fools to their graves and was first hesitant to accept the offer, but the human sitting at the table merely explained it was bad taste to eat alone and wanted to have some company. I was still cautious but the smell of the foods made it impossible to pass on such a chance and so I joined the human at their table. 

They were an elderly human going on some 80-90 years if I was to guess; nothing but a younger species considering I lived to be roughly 3000 years old before my species passed on. Their clothes were of a fine material but i could see that they had been worn regularly and their hairs had turns a shade of greyish white. The elderly human was of the talking variety and seemed rather happy to be having company and chatted up a storm. I was not in as much of a talkative mode yet felt it rude after they had shared their table so I joined the conversations when I had something to say. 

It turned out that we were more alike then I had first imagined as they too were a traveler seeking new destinations, They had been to most of the human cities on their homeworld and now were waiting to catch a flight to the Hive homeworld thirty three systems over. Their flight had been delayed for several days now due to gravitational storms and they had come to here to let off some steam. I was going to inquire as to what exactly that meant when one of the fighters in the ring had been knocked down and was unable to get up. The cheers of the crowd were silenced as another human stepped forwarded and asked if there was anyone brave enough to challenge the surviving champion. 

To my complete surprise the elderly human I had been sharing the table with rose up and unbuttoned his shirt. He left it on his chair and stepped forward into the ring. The announcer backed away and rang the bell and the two fought each other. The elderly man was not what one would call in the prime of his life, what with his belly sagging forward like a sack of lumpa berries, but his muscles were toned well enough to keep the fight far from being one sided. The bout lasted about twenty minutes before the elderly man, now covered in bruises, threw a hard right and knocked his opponent to the ground and won. He returned to his chair shortly after the crowds cheers had died down and resume his drinking and food consumption. 

I asked him why would committing combat let off steam to which he replied that he was angry that his flight had been delayed so long and that fighting a stranger in some back alley dive had always been a wish he’d had since he was a young scrapper. Perplexed I inquired again how a delayed flight transitions to brutal combat. The Hive world wasn’t going anywhere and would still be there when the flights resumed. 

The elderly man sat in silence for some time, his stare focused on the swirling ice cubes of his drink as he rocked it back and forth. He told me that he was dying and that his time among the living was dwindling day by day. He had a disease called “cancer” that was slowly devouring his body from the inside out like rot and soon he would be too ill even to lift himself out of a bed let alone fight someone in a back alley fighting ring. 

It was unusual to feel sad for someone you have just met and yet I felt pain knowing my new companion would soon pass off their physical remains. I apologized to him and gave him my well wishes too which they oddly laughed and waved me away like I had just knocked over their glass and thought it was the end of the world. 

He thanked me but said he did not want my pity nor my sorrow. I asked him why then if he was dying that he would take such a journey off world with such little time remaining. He took a swish of his drink and waved for another as he told me it had always been one of his wishes to see another world. 

He looked up at the ceiling for a moment and his eyes narrowed out. He spoke of many things he had wanted to do when he was younger. Buy a boat, go fishing every day, ask his schooling crush out for a dance, traverse the globe with friends. He told me of how something would always come up at the last second that would hold him back and his chance would pass him by. How many missed opportunities had passed him by that only now in his old age did he see. 

He chuckled to himself and said how he wished he could live forever, or at the very least a few more years, so he could finally check everything off his list as he took another sim of his drink. 

Now that he was old it seemed like all he had was time until he found out his clock was ticking faster to his demise then he had planned. Now he wished to achieve what dreams he could before his clock finally stopped. 

To this day I’m not sure if it was their words or the combination of drink and food I had been having but in an instant my entire perspective of humanity had shifted. 

We spoke for some time more together until my notifier alerted me that my flight was now on schedule. I stood up and shook the hand of the strange human as they turned their back to me and entered the ring once more. I pondered what I had learned from the odd man as I took the streets back upwards to the space port.

Humans apparent greed and carelessness was not in a self centered manner for some, but rather born from a fear of knowing constantly that their existence would eventually come to an end.

For a being such as myself with an extended lifetime I do not feel this need as much, but with short lived species like humans it must be a constant cloud circling them ever reminding them that what they miss today may be missed forever.

It was only after I reached the the top level of the city with my mind circling with ideas of missed opportunities that I realized something. For all the stranger had shared to me, for all the stories and laugh had in that dimly lit food dispensary, for all the kindness they had shown me I had made a fatal mistake. 

I had never asked them their name.

I had missed my opportunity......