#turns out i wasnt done with this yesterday whoops

[kudzucrypt]

Cold eyed

[savnofilter]

okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

~

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.

[dancingkirby]

In which Bolin plays with toys and Eska fails at flirting

I’m going to have to think up a title for this story soon.  I was thinking maybe “Into Open Waters.”

“How dare she? How dare she?”

Eska paced around the room, trying her hardest to keep her voice low so as not to disturb Kinalik.  The stress of the previous sleepless night, their escape in the wee hours, the sheer physical effort required to waterbend all the way to Republic City with a toddler and luggage in tow, the energy required to interact with people in a strange place…all of it was consuming her.

She collapsed in a chair, her body shaking and angry tears streaming down her face, which made her feel all the worse; like she was no more mature than her daughter.

Did their courtiers think that the twins did not hear the snickers and whispers of “half breed?” And yesterday…they had all looked at Kinalik like she was a monster. They felt that their only option was to get her out of there.

“I was trying to explain, but she wouldn’t listen!” she moaned to her brother.  

“Perhaps she felt the same about you,” Desna offered cautiously.

“Perhaps,” Eska muttered, making an enormous effort to control her crying.  “I have no harsh feelings towards our cousin’s significant other; she is not nearly as uncouth as the others.  I was just…trying so hard not to cry in front of them that I forgot to thank her.   People only seem to care about what I do incorrectly; not what I do the appropriate way.  Yes, I know you are an exception, brother,” she hastily added to ward off his protests.  She furiously scrubbed the tears away.  

“I recommend that we go to sleep right now and ponder the matter further in the morning,” Desna said.

“Yes…that would probably be wise.”

Eska was worried that she’d have problems falling asleep like she often did in locations that weren’t home.  However, the rhythm of Kinalik’s breathing soothed her, and the trio was soon huddled together in a deep slumber.

When Eska woke up who-knows-how-late in the morning, her back was throbbing in pain.  She supposed it was to be expected with all the exercise and lifting that she did yesterday. Even attempting to roll over caused her to moan. Thankfully, Desna had already awoken, and was ready with the bowl of water. He and Eska silently healed each other, then Eska also healed Kinalik, who was uninjured but wanted to do what the grownups were doing.  It didn’t get rid of all the pain, but reduced it enough to allow her to perform the usual morning functions and help Kinalik with hers.

When they got downstairs to the breakfast room, Korra was sitting there alone.  She had finished her own meal, but there was still a pot of tea and a plate of steamed buns filled with bean paste on the table. Eska was impressed to see that they’d remembered about Kinalik’s noodles, and that the child’s chair had a pile of cushions on it in lieu of a booster seat.

“Asami’s in the shower,” Korra said in response to their unspoken query.  “She likes to fiddle around in her workshop first thing in the morning when she’s feeling upset.”

Even Eska could tell that the last few words were pointed.  “Hm,” was all she could trust herself to say in response as she grabbed a bun.

“Does she eat anything else?” Korra asked, referring to Kinalik.  That was a somewhat safer topic, at least.

“Rice. Eggs.  Apples peeled and cut to slices exactly ¼ inch thick.  Arctic hen.  Some types of fish; she seems to change her mind about exactly which types by the day,” Eska answered.  She stopped to think.  What else was there?

“We have been having modest success in getting her to eat kelp,” Desna reminded.

“Oh yes.  The first time she ate that was a triumphant occasion indeed.  And before you ask, cousin, we do give her a daily multivitamin.”

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Korra said quickly.  She took a sip of her tea and said, “I wonder if she’d like Narook’s?  They have a kid’s menu.”

“Is it noisy?”

“Dinner can be…lunch is usually quieter.”

“We will consider it.”

They were spared from doing further chatting for the moment by Asami entering the room, fully dressed but with a towel wrapped around her head.  Korra looked at Eska expectantly.

Eska supposed that this was her cue to apologize.   Damn it.  She’d never cared about the feelings of anyone outside of her family before.

“I’msorry,” she mumbled while looking down at her hands.  This seemed to satisfy the requirements for now.

“It’s okay,” Asami said.  “I know you must have been under a lot of stress.  Now, is this enough food for you?  We could have the cook make something hot…”

“This is sufficient,” Desna assured her.

Asami sat down as well and got her own breakfast, and apparently decided that it would be best to get right to the point.

“So…Korra said that you were concerned about Kinalik’s safety…”

“That is one way to phrase it.”

“So exactly how deep into hiding did you want to go?”

Good question.

“We hadn’t thought things through that far yet,” Desna admitted.  “All we were hoping for was to buy a few days of time to strategize. That was why we chose not to stay at a hotel.”

“Simply arriving at this destination was the main objective.  They will discover our location sooner or later, but I doubt that they would take our lives here.  Nevertheless, we should take precautions,” Eska added.

Korra and Asami stopped to think, and then Korra said, “Well, you do have one thing going for you.  You’re fairly obscure.  Probably all that most people in Republic City know about you is that you’re those creepy twins.”

Eska clenched her jaw, and willed the angry words ready to spring from her back down her throat. She didn’t want another argument to start so quickly.  Desna appeared to be having a similar struggle, but was able to state in an even tone, “We do like our privacy.”

While they had been talking, Kinalik had finished her noodles and was getting bored.

“Down!” she commanded.  Eska rose to help her off the cushions, and sat back down with her daughter in her lap.

“And that’s another thing,” Asami said.  “I didn’t even know of Kinalik’s existence until yesterday, and I don’t think Korra did either.”

“They may have mailed something,” Korra said.  “But I was kind of distracted at the time.”

“We did air a birth announcement on the radio,” Eska remarked.  Granted, it had run only once.  At 6 AM.  Neither the twins nor their advisors had wanted to call much attention to it.

“Well, anyway, if all that the general public knows about you is that you’re twins, we’d want to make you look as unalike as possible.  Plus, the weather’s much too warm right now for your regular wardrobes. We’ll need to shop for new clothes, and one of you might have to cut your hair.”

Asami looked over at Desna, but Eska quickly said, “I’ll do it.”  Desna had done so much for her; it was only fair that she should be the one to make this sacrifice.

“I have to go get the rest of my stuff this morning, but…hold on, let me write this down,” Korra said.”  She retrieved a notebook and pencil from a side table.

“Asami, could you take them downtown this afternoon?  I’ll probably want to rest, and you’re the one with the style sense. And um…I still can’t drive that well.”

“Sure, but maybe one at a time?  Whoever is after them would be looking for twins.”

“No prob. Desna, you okay with waiting until tomorrow?”

“Whatever you think is best,” Desna answered, albeit apparently with some unease about them being separated.  The twins squeezed hands under the table.

“Bolin might want to join us,” Asami remarked.  “You know how he is about makeovers.”

“Oh, yeah, whoops, I forgot about Bolin.  And we were going to do a proper introduction today.”

“I wonder…” Asami trailed off as Korra scribbled away.  

“Hm?”

“I was just thinking about how to make all this more pleasant for Kinalik.  I think I have an idea.  You go over to Air Temple Island.  I can take care of arranging things.”

“’Kay, love you.”

They kissed.  Eska was relieved.  All of the talking had been making her dizzy.

After Korra had finally departed, Asami got Eska, Desna, and Kinalik situated in the living room. Unlike the more formal parlor they’d seen on the tour yesterday, this room was stocked with comfortable furniture, which was a blessing for Eska’s back.  It was decorated with plush carpeting, wooden paneling, several paintings, and a tall bookcase in the corner.  Eska made a beeline for the latter and thumbed through the selection.

While Eska was busy with her browsing, Asami used one of the mansion’s many phones to call Bolin.

“So what do you think about coming over here shortly?  Makeovers may be involved.”

Eska could hear Bolin’s shriek of joy from clear across the room.  Asami had to hold the receiver at arm’s length until he calmed down.

“I take it that’s a yes?  Okay, what time?  Yeah, I think we can do that.  So see you…oh?  What is it?”

She listened for a few seconds, then said, “Well, I’ll ask them,” and covered the receiver with her hand.

“Eska, Desna, Bolin says that Opal wants to come meet you.  Is that okay?”

Eska was intrigued in spite of herself.  She wanted to see just what sort of powerful woman had managed to ensnare her ex’s heart.

“It is all right with me.  Desna?”

“Me as well.”

“Great!” exclaimed Asami.  She turned back to the receiver and said, “That’s a yes from both of them.  See you in a few, then?  All right.  No, Pabu had better stay at your apartment this time. Bye.”

She hung up the phone, then left the room, saying vaguely that she had to “get things ready.”

Eska, in the meantime, had found several recent issues of Republic City Style.  She had first encountered this publication in the storage room of the library back home, and knew that it was trash, but had been unable to stop reading these chronicles of uncivilized famous people and their clothing.  And it definitely wasn’t because she was jealous of them and their hedonistic lives!  No, if ever asked, she would claim that it was simply anthropological studies.

“All right, let’s see who Ginger is dating now,” she murmured as she sat down to look at the pictures with Kinalik.

“May I have one?” Desna asked.

“You may.”

They were deeply engrossed in their reading material, with occasional snorts of incredulity from the twins and squeals of “Pretty!” from Kinalik, when they heard something being hauled down the stairs and dragged into the living room.

“I found that box of t-o-y-s that I was telling you about yesterday!” Asami said as she beamed. She had removed her towel, and looked no worse for wear from the exertion.  Eska wished that she could look that put-together.

“So I was thinking that Bolin could help Kinalik look through these, and that maybe she would warm up to him more if she associated him with a positive thing like that.”

Kinalik perked up at the mention of her name.  Eska thought that this was actually a clever idea, and wished that she could have thought of that herself.

“Shall we see what is contained in here?” Eska asked Kinalik. Her daughter didn’t answer verbally, but appeared happy for the first time since they’d left the palace.

As Asami left to get some scissors with which to open the box, the doorbell rang.  The door was opened shortly thereafter, presumably by the butler…what was his name again?

“We have arrived!” Bolin announced as he bounded into the living room, followed closely behind by Opal.  “And…hey neat, what’s that?”  He gestured at the box.

Asami explained her idea to him as Kinalik removed the first item from the box: a stuffed animal in the form of a cat-owl.

“Great, sounds great!” Bolin enthused as made to sit down right next to Kinalik, then caught himself in time and picked a spot a respectful couple of feet away.

Asami had certainly never been lacking in any amusement as a child; Eska felt a twinge when she remembered how her own toys had been taken away when she wasn’t too much older than Kinalik.  There were stuffed animals of all sorts (yes, including a turtleduck and a koala otter), dolls, and Satomobile models.  Thankfully, nothing was in that box that would pose a choking hazard; Eska presumed that Kinalik was smart enough not to put toys in her mouth, but one never knew for sure.

Kinalik was insistent on doing the unpacking herself, and kept most of the toys to herself, but every so often she would shyly offer one to Bolin.

“Thank you!” he exclaimed at her latest offering of a stuffed animal that was so worn that Eska couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to be.  “Do you wanna know something, Kinalik?  I don’t remember what toys I had when I was your age.  I wish I did.  So this is really as exciting for me as it is for you!”

Kinalik scrunched her nose, and either because she didn’t know how to respond or didn’t have the words, settled for “Okay.”  But she did hand over a toy truck to him.

“Oh, she’s just adorable!” said Opal, which slightly startled Eska because she’d been so focused on the scene across the room.  She was seated at the opposite end of the couch from the twins.

“Yes,” Eska answered.  She and Desna switched places so that there would be no one between Eska and Opal. Then she remembered.

“I have on my possession a copy of Kinalik’s birth certificate,” Eska stated as she took the piece of paper out of her pocket.  “It contains proof that Bolin was not being unfaithful to you.  Not with me, at least.”

Opal didn’t move to take it.

“It’s okay, I believe you.  Really,” she said.

It was just that easy?  Eska had been anticipating a more frosty reception.

“So what do you think?  Can we be friends?” Opal asked as she smiled gently.  She extended her hand, and Eska forced herself to make eye contact while tentatively reaching her arm out as well.  But she only had the nerve to brush Opal’s fingers with her own.

Just then, there was much excitement from the duo on the floor.  Having removed all of the toys from the box, they had reached the best part…the packing paper.  Kinalik reached for a particularly large piece and gleefully ripped it in half.

“That makes a cool sound, doesn’t it?” Bolin observed.

Kinalik studied the two halves in her hand, and then crumpled one up, walked over, and reached up to place it on Bolin’s head.

“Oh wow!  A hat!  Just what I always wanted!” Bolin said with all evidence of sincerity.  He tossed his head ever so slightly, and the paper fell to the floor.

“OOPS!  It fell off!  How clumsy of me!”

Kinalik looked at him, then at the paper, then back at him.  And she laughed.

This was something that even Eska herself rarely elicited from her daughter.  She wished that she could telepathically transmit to Bolin the significance of this event.  But as he glanced over it her, it seemed that he already knew to some extent.

Shortly thereafter, Korra returned, and while the servants transferred her things, Asami herded them all into the main dining room for lunch.  Evidently, Korra had informed her partner of Kinalik’s preferences, because the meal was omelets…plain for Kinalik and with vegetables for everyone else.  Kinalik actually ate most of hers, and even sampled a piece of mushroom from Eska’s plate without spitting it back out.

When that was concluded, Desna put Kinalik down for a nap while Eska ventured out into the great unknown.

For what felt like the millionth time, Eska felt the ends of her now shoulder-length hair.  It felt exceedingly strange to not have it hanging halfway down her back.

Also, the hairdresser had insisted on using hair clips to pin her bangs back.

“You have such a perfectly-proportioned forehead!” the older woman had gushed.  “And such delicate eyebrows.  Why would you ever want to cover that up?”

At least it might work as a disguise.  And Asami and Opal had wholeheartedly agreed with the stylist.  They had tried to get Bolin’s opinion as well, but he held up his pointer finger for silence.

“Please don’t disturb me.  I have attained manicure Nirvana,” he stated in an exaggerated whisper.

When Bolin had finally descended back down to Earth, they went clothes-shopping.  First they got some everyday items.  Eska was rather embarrassed that she had to wear clothing from the Juniors section due to her petite frame, but she managed to tolerate the shopping long enough to attain several new outfits.  The store had a changing room in case one wanted to wear an outfit out of the store, so Eska had changed her regular tunic and leggings for a sky-blue shirt with cap sleeves, white pants that fell just below the knee, and white sandals.  It was odd to have so much of her skin exposed in public, but it was amusing to imagine how the dreaded councilors back home would react.

She was taken aback when she realized that she would have to help carry her own belongings for the first time in her life, but decided not to argue.

Then Asami had remembered about Korra’s party, to which Eska hadn’t realized that she was invited, so they went to a more upscale boutique that specialized in Water Tribe inspired designs to find a dress.  Of course, the one that caught Eska’s eye was too large for her, so she would have to come back later for fitting.

By the time that was over, all of them were loaded with shopping bags and getting tired, and Eska’s back was acting up again.  She still didn’t understand why some girls and women did this for fun.

“There’s a bubble tea shop just down the street.  Let’s stop there,” Asami suggested.

Eska was about to inquire what bubble tea was, but her thoughts slammed on the brakes as a horrific sound rose from the corner next to the tea shop.

“What. Is.  That?” she demanded as she jammed her fingers inside her ears.

“That’s a trombone,” Opal answered.  She and Asami rolled their eyes at Bolin, who was edging nervously closer toward the tea shop door.

Even leading such a sheltered life, Eska had heard of street musicians.  But she had been under the impression that most did it for money.  There was no tip box beside this man’s feet, so either he was just doing it for fun or wanted to cause all pedestrians an agonizing death.  Probably the latter, she thought.

“I am going to ambulate over there right now and inform that man that he must cease and desist immediately,” she declared.

“Maybe…just going inside would be a better idea?” Bolin offered.  “Come on quick, before he sees us!”

Bolin dashed inside, and the three women had no choice but to follow, Opal and Asami both making noises of disapproval.

They got their orders and sat down.  Eska had assumed that the bubbles would be some form of carbonation, but they were actually solid spheres.  She guessed that it was not called “sphere tea” because it didn’t roll off the tongue as easily.  In any case, the spheres had a pleasantly chewy texture.

Meanwhile, Asami was still scolding Bolin.

“He’s a much better person now and you know it!” she said.

“He still scares me!”

“Well, I invited him to the party, so get used to him.”

“You what?  Oh frick…here he comes.”

The door abruptly swung open as if accompanied by a musical cue, and Trombone Man walked in like he owned the place.  To Eska’s relief, he had put away that torture device for the present.  Wait…why was he making a beeline to their table?

“Hi, Tahno!” Asami said cheerfully as Opal waved.  The latter elbowed Bolin, who squeaked out a “Hi!”

The name rang a bell.  Eska tried to recall where she’d encountered it.

“Now who is this lady here?” Tahno the Trombone Man asked.  “I don’t believe that I’ve seen you here with the Uh-vatar’s crowd before.”

Eska assumed that he was referring to Opal.  But after several seconds, she realized that he was looking at her.  Just in time, she remembered how she knew of him.

“I saw you in the magazines,” she said.  “Except then you weren’t there anymore.  And then you were, but not quite as often.”

“Guilty as charged.”

Was he flirting, or just making fun of her?

Eska rose from her seat and affixed her best glare.

“Your subpar pronounciation irritates my auditory receptacles.  As does your so-called musical talent.”

The look she was giving him would have sent a whole room full of courtiers fleeing.  But Trombone Man just laughed.

“Oh, did I offend you, Ice Queen?”

Did he know?  At any rate, Eska realized that he towered over her by at least a foot, despite her drawing herself up to as full a height as her back would allow.  This would not do.

“If I am the Ice Queen, then you are my subject.  I demand that you swear fealty to me by kneeling.”

She heard three sharp intakes of breath.  But kneel Tahno did, after only a brief pause.  He kept his eyes and his smirk on Eska.  Eska remained outwardly composed (at least she hoped so), but her heart was starting to pound…from anxiety or from something else?

“Of course…you do know what this means, Ice Queen?  Now I must kiss your hand.”

Eska barely had time to process the words before Bolin leapt in between them.

“O-kaaaayyy!” he exclaimed louder than he had to.  “I know we’re all having a wonderful time here, and it was great seeing you again, but look at the clock!  We really have to be going now, so bye and see you at the party, I guess!”

He herded the trio of women out the door, drinks, bags, and all.  Eska didn’t know whether she wanted to thank him or throttle him.

“That was interesting,” Eska mused as they walked back to the Satomobile.  “However, I doubt he would show the submission required to be my husband.”

Bolin choked on his last sip of tea.

“Mental images, Eska!  Mental! Images!” he gasped out.

At least he was starting to show his true self around her.

[bookworm-2692]

8, 14, 17 for the dnd asks!

thank you!!!!

8: what does your dream dice set look like?

hmmm i’m not sure…. definitely blue. probably that etheral yeti one miho sent yesterday that i fell in love with haha they’re so pretty!!!!!

14: what inspired you to make your character?

i guess i’ll go through each of them.

norixius kava, dragonborn paladin (out of the abyss). this was my first one and i had no idea how dnd worked haha at all. in the car on the way to my cousins place, i was driving, and my dad and brother were reading through the books and talking about the races and classes and stuff and explaining to me bc obvi i couldnt read them bc i was driving haha. anyway we got to my cousins place and each of them paired up w the three of us to help make our first characters and we rolled for stats and they asked if i had anything i wanted to play and i was like “idk dragonborn sounds really cool” and they were like thats as good a reason as any, and then they suggested paladin would work well w my stats so i was like sure why not and did it haha. she survived the campaign, to level 11

matilda, human monk (curse of strahd). this was point buy system. i had mentioned seeing a homebrew avatar thing, so one of my cousins mentioned how way of the four elements monk is like the avatar, so i read through it and thought it sounded cool. i took the mobile feat, and went way of open hand instead. in this campaign we had a fight where four characters died outright (three deaths due to natural 1s in the death saves) and only two survived, including matilda. the dm mentioned taking the dead people to another room to discuss what to do and i was like “nah brian and i will just move since we’re the only alive one and theres more of you”. they ended up becoming revernants (idk spelling) but i suggested adding a caveat in place where every time you died as a revernant, you lost 1hp from your max, which we did. we then abandoned this campaign after 4 levels bc my uncle who was dm-ing was having trouble finding the time to read the campaign

jamnugget, gnome fighter (arcane archer) (storm kings thunder). this was rolling stats. one cousin rolled between 13 and 18 for every stat, and after race ability improvements got all 14-18…. so he multiclassed all of them and got to level 12 as one of each class it was a beautiful amalgamation (omg i spelt that correctly first try haha). then someone else rolled three single digit stats but was told he wasnt allowed to reroll so he became a druid for wildshape. he had -2 con, so only adding 3hp per level, starting at 6hp. 3rd level before he got double digits. if you averaged the rolls of these two you got normal stats haha. anyway onto my character. my cousin suggested the arcane archer thing on unearthed arcana so i was like “sure ok”. turns out you only got two magic arrows per rest thing and they werent very good so i hardly used them. the sharpshooter feat was way better. the best part tho was bc we were fighting so many giants, at one point someone cast fly on me, someone else cast greater invisibility on me, someone else gave me bless, so then i went in a chased a giant just shooting him on my own while everyone else was doing something else it was great. i also accidentally succeeded on an intimidation check bc an npc was saying “im sure we could handle a giant” when we asked about that and i was like “ive killed 15 myself” (bc we were keeping tallies on our sheets) and the guy panicked bc was technically in an alliance w them whoops. jamnugget survived the campaign. six of the seven original characters survived to the end, my brother went through four characters

maegrakka, half elf barbarian. we were told to make characters for a quick one shot dungeon thing for when storm kings thunder dm wasnt able to make it. so i made a barbarian bc i decided that was something i hadnt done yet and would be easy to just make (no spells. i have a strong aversion to spell casters). i think shes level 3 now???? every time we play this everyones like “wait whats my character again” bc its so long in between haha

nissa, human rogue 1 monk 2. one shot a friend wanted to dm before he moved to canberra. it was very fun. i made a monk bc i was desperate to play again bc matilda had been abandoned. i added a rogue level for sneak attack damage, w mobile feat, it was great

clover, human fighter 11 or 12, monk 3 or 4. level 15 fight to the death situation. i knew how powerful the arcane archer stuff was so i did it here. monk levels were to give me back up in case i got engaged in melee. i shouldve had some sort of healing that was my downfall. my first character to die bc three of them were ganging up on me!!

meredith, elf wizard (tomb of annihilation). we started off playing as commoners, as servants to this lord guy. so i was a librarian and realised id have to be a wizard dammit. i hated the spell casting part haha. she died. its funny bc my dads character died at first level, then we levelled up. brians character died at second level, then we levelled up. they were also sitting next to each other. i was sitting in the next seat along so was worried i was also gonna die… then my brother took that seat and died instead. so i was like there is definitely a curse. i was in the next seat along, and then one of my cousins. then came a fight where my cousin next to me turned to stone and then i died. turns out he could come back to life so the death seat thing continued. we levelled up to level 4 after my brother and i died in separate sessions in the same location. also my dad and brian died in the same location in separate session. so now theres multiple patterns - theres the “someone needs to die to level up” thing, and the death seat thing, and the two characters dying in the same location in separate sessions thing. w my cousin who got turned to stone, i keep on insisting he stays in the death seat bc either he dies (death seat) or he doesnt (he tricked death w the stone thing so is now immune), and if he doesnt die either it skips him and my uncle dies, or no one else dies ever. its very exciting haha. also w this campaign theres a map thing only the og characters can see and we’re joking how now only three characters left can see it and you can see how my cousin the dm is getting worried that we’ll all die haha. also the campaign is about how the og characters lord got sick and we need to find a cure, but once the og characters die then who cares about the random lord? itll be very funny haha

elenoa, tabaxi monk (tomb of annihilation). since i started at level 4 here, and matildas campaign got abandoned at level 4, it felt fitting to play a monk again. no mobile feat yet, but im playing the sun soul monk from xanathars which gives a radiant punch w a range of 30 ft so i dont need to get close to punch and then use mobile to run away. 

i havent even talked about where the names for each one came from….. maybe another time if asked……..

17: what is your favourite race?

idk actually. the only races ive ever played multiple times are humans, but altogether ive played longer as a dragonborn or gnome than human so like. theres not super much difference in the races in phb, like its just flavour. the new races and stuff have heaps extra stuff, but tabaxi is the only one of them ive ever played and only two sessions so far. i think humans are cool bc you get a feat at level 1 haha but other than that theres not really much difference in them yknow? races w darkvision make things easier too haha but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

thank you for these asks!!! it took so long to respond haha im gonna be late to uni now (bc still in pjs havent made lunch or brushed teeth or anything and if i wanna be on time i gotta leave in the next 15 minutes so maybe ill just…… skip this lecture lol idk haha

[secret-spots-with-jiggly]

Proof my wife is a better person than me. So yesterday was the culmination of the community yard sale event. She saw a kayak sitting in front of someone's house for sale. We go look at it. There is clearly a sign on it for $100. Guy says he doesn't k ow where the sign came from, its really $250. I'm already dubious of this ass clown. But wife really wants it. I can tell. So I tell her that thus is her deal. She offers $200 and the guy bites. Of course he did. He just made $200 off something that was clearly priced $100. Id be happy too. So he tells us hes just too old and crippled to use ir and is glad it'll get used. I notice what I recognized right away as a patch on the nose. He says it aint no patch. He put some tape there to protect it from dragging it on sand and immediately changes the subject to the nifty outriggers he made. They are cool. He shows us the trolley he made to give it wheels to make it easy to drag. Wife ha ds him the money we're done. We went to load it today to take it to the lake. I get a face full of water. Not only was it a patch, it wasnt a very good one. Theres an absolutely massive hole in her kayak. She is devastated. Im pissed....and broke. Not a rich man and $200 is alot of money. I want to go whoop dudes ass with a sack of doorknobs. She wants me to turn the othsr cheek and fix it. It can be fixed. But he lied straight to my face and her face with a smile. I know where he hangs out and what he drives. But not much else. https://www.instagram.com/p/CBJsYl4psiB/?igshid=1oeszr56c23ti

[crvcio]

85 Questions Tag Game

I was tagged by @tedslupin thanks so much! xx 

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

tagging: @malfoymaxima @draccomallfoy @malfoyxsx @parselmouthingoff @engorgio @dearlovegood @susanbone @jilyss @unsqeakable @ginniewheezie @gothicmalfoy @horaceslughorn @azkabqn​ @burkesandborgin​ @ptterharrys​ @gryffindvor​ @gryffindorkx​ @1959black​ @bottomkirk (if you’ve already done this, don’t want to, or don’t do tag games, feel free to come to my house and punch me in the face honestly ill be totally fine with it)

THE LAST

1. drink: water 2. phone call: my mom 3. text message: my mom 4. song you listened to: cruel world by active child  5. time you cried: yesterday, really difficult homework assignment had me freaking out. apparently i wasnt the only person in my class to cry over it lol!

HAVE YOU EVER 6. dated someone twice: only if fwb counts? 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yep 8. been cheated on: not as far as i know 9. lost someone special: to death? not really, but in other ways yes 10. been depressed: yep im in a good place but it happens sometimes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah fam im sober

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS 12. black 13. blue 14. purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. made new friends: yep! lots of the lovely people on here included :) 16. fallen out of love: wasnt in it to begin with! 17. laughed until you cried: yeah not too long ago because of a dumbass inflatable alien haha 18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, sort of, had some nasty coworkers 19. met someone who changed you: aforementioned nasty coworkers changed how much i trust people, but nothing super significant 20. found out who your friends are: in little ways, but for the most part i was already pretty confident where people fell in my life. 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: haven’t kissed in the last year at all!

GENERAL 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: the vast majority 23. do you have any pets: cat named moose, dog named crusher 24. do you want to change your name: i already have once legally (my last name), and i use different first names in various places for trans reasons but i dont think ill legally change my first name 25. what did you do for your last birthday: took a trip to DC, got horribly sick, threw up everywhere. good times haha! honestly it was still really nice. 26. what time did you wake up: 8am, i usually get up a bit later but i had a dentist appointment 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading fanfiction... whoops 28. name something you can’t wait for: my phone interview to work for disney tomorrow! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: literally like a minute ago, she’s on my couch rn 31. what are you listening to right now: world princess pt II by grimes 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: probably but i cant think of anyone i know named tom 33. something that is getting on your nerves: homework  34. most visited website: tumblr, tied with my email probably 35. hair colour: brown 36. long or short hair: really long, i dont cut it. 37. do you have a crush on someone: only celebrity crushes ha 38. what do you like about yourself: my adaptability 39. want any piercings: i might get a fourth on my left ear, but otherwise im happy with the ones i have 40. blood type: o-, universal donor 41. nickname: in a way, j.d. is a nickname 42. relationship status: single af lol 43. zodiac: saggitarius 44. pronouns: he/she/they 45. favourite tv show: person of interest 46. tattoos: nope 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: had dental surgery done twice. it’s not so bad. 49. piercing: 1 on right ear, 3 on left ear (all on the lobe) 50. sport: basketball, but i rarely play. im not very sporty 51. vacation: been dying to go to peru someday! 52. pair of trainers: one? 

MORE GENERAL 53. eating: nothing but im hoping i can bug my mom to make cinnamon rolls for us 54. drinking: water 55. i’m about to: finish my paper due thursday... but really im gonna write fanfic cause im trash 56. waiting for: my mom to wake up so i can bug her about the cinnamon rolls ha 57. want: cinnamon rolls. also world peace. 58. get married: ha, it’s gonna be a while before that. but i hope to someday. 59. career: educational psychologist, what im getting my degree in. or musician, if it works out lol.

WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: kisses 61. lips or eyes: eyes? 62. shorter or taller: shorter i guess? im open minded 63. older or younger: considering im 18, im not going to go much younger 64. nice arms or nice stomach: idk stomach? 65. hook up or relationship: relationship  66. troublemaker or hesitant: i guess troublemaker. but there are limits

HAVE YOU EVER II 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes, temporarily 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: technically no 72. broken someone’s heart: yep 73. had your heart broken: yep 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN 77. yourself: yes 78. miracles: small ones, but not like crazy stuff 79. love at first sight: infatuation, sure, but not real love 80. santa claus: no?  81. kiss on the first date: sure idgaf 82. angels: angels are real have you seen tom felton

OTHER 83. current best friend’s name: dont really have a best friend but my closest friend is ezra :) 84. eye colour: green 85. favorite movie: all that jazz

[sadrien]

goodbyes & hellos

on ao3

im so so so late but hey this is for first day of prompt week for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare​!!!! day one: wrong number

this was a lot of fun tbh and ive been dying to write this ship. alyas texts are italicized, adriens are underlined on ao3, just bold here bc tumblrs a butt. shoutout to @reyxa​ for the title <3

enjoy!

Alya narrows her eyes at the new message that lights up her phone. It’s an unknown number that she doesn’t recognize — not that she’s given her number to anyone recently — and it’s also seven in the morning . Anyone how knows her at all should know that she doesn’t wake up before at least nine on the weekends. (And that has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn’t sleep during the week and tends to go to bed after two in the morning.)

She groans as another message shows up on the screen. She squints and lets the messages flow in, figuring she can tell the person they’ve got the wrong number after they’ve finished whatever they have to say. Or she can decide that it’s unimportant and ignore it and go back to sleep.

She likes her second plan the best.

unknown number: Hi!

unknown number: Just wanted to let you know the start time for today has been moved from 10 to 9:15

unknown number: My father has a meeting at 1300 so he wants to get it all done as soon as possible

unknown number: And I know you mentioned wanting to have him on set yesterday

unknown number: I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience! Your agent should be calling you soon, but I thought I’d give you a heads up

Alya squints at the screen. She doesn’t want to care but she’s curious. And curiousity killed the cat and all that but she’s used to letting her nosiness get the best of her.

unknown number: agents???

unknown number: 1st of all srry u have the wrong number

unknown number: 2nd of all were u talking to a movie star or smth???????

unknown number: book writer??

unknown number: what kinda person needs an agent

unknown number: Oh I’m sorry! I must’ve gotten the wrong number from someone

unknown number: I’m really sorry if I was bothering you

Alya rolls her eyes.

unknown number: u woke me up but its chill cause now im curious

unknown number: Curious? About what?

unknown number: way 2 keep avoiding the question

unknown number: ???

unknown number: u said the person u meant to text has an agent

unknown number: how fancy r they

unknown number: Oh! She’s a model!

Alya’s eyes widen. The most famous person she knows is that thirteen year old that was in her school who has ten thousand subscribers on YouTube because she makes lyric videos. The second is a boy who has a few thousand instagram followers because he has nice abs and lots of white boy clothing and muscle shirts.

unknown number: u kno a model????????

unknown number: Uhh

unknown number: I’m not sure how much personal information I should be giving to a stranger

Alya sighs. So close.

unknown number: its fine dude (dude? u good w that? lmk if u arent) i getchu

unknown number: u can just stop responding if u dont wanna talk

She locks her phone and slides it back under her pillow. She stares at the ceiling for a few more minutes, wondering if she’ll be able to fall back asleep. As much as she’d like to take the train back to dreamville, she can’t. Because now she’s awake and now she’s wondering. And once she stops wondering, she doesn’t stop.

She’ll probably stop thinking about this random wrong number in a few days and in a few months, she’ll forget about them entirely but…

Ugh.

Sleep definitely isn’t an option anymore.

Leaving her phone in her bed, she pads to the kitchen, twisting her hair up into a messy bun as she does so. No one is up yet — of course they aren’t, it’s seven on a Saturday and everyone is taking advantage of every precious minute of sleep they can get — so she has the run of the house to herself.

So she makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal and turns to television on. Her initial plan is to just leave it on whatever channel that’s playing when she first turns it on, and luckily the twins were the last ones to use it. Saturday morning cartoons. Score.

Alya stirs sugar in her coffee as Cyber Chase plays in the background. It’s not much more than background noise, it’s the middle of an episode and she doesn’t really know what’s happening, but she does snort at a few of the bad jokes.

“You’re up early,” her mom says before dropping a kiss on the top of Alya’s head.

Alya hums. “Got a few text messages and they woke me up.” She notes how her mom purposefully avoids eye contact as she opens a cabinet. Alya rolls her eyes and eats a spoonful of cereal.

“School friends?” her mom asks carefully.

“Yes,” Alya lies. Better than her mom asking more questions. The biggest one being why were you talking to a complete stranger?

“Are you going to see them before we leave?”

Alya glues her eyes to the TV. “If they’re around.”

Her mom makes an unimpressed sound and Alya resists the urge to roll her eyes. She texted a few of her friends the other week, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. They all had the same sort of idea about cutting ties.  

Alya sighs and puts down her spoon, twisting around in her seat to face her mom. “I promise I’m talking to them.”

Her mom gives her that look— the one where her lips purse and a crease between her eyebrows that’s becoming more and more permanent; the one that says she wants to push for more details, but won’t unless they’re volunteered first. Which Alya is not doing, thank you very much. “If you say so, honey,” her mom says, turning her attention to the breakfast she’s making.

Alya stares down into her cereal bowl.

Time to evacuate to her bedroom.

She finishes her cereal as quickly as she can without choking and dumps her bowl and spoon in the sink as she passes it, taking her coffee with her to her room. New plan: curl up in bed with her laptop and hope her mom just leaves her alone until they move.

Alya’s almost forgotten about her phone by the time she flops onto her bed. It vibrates almost as soon as she opens her laptop. She frowns as she pulls it out from under her pillow.

unknown number: Dude is fine for me

unknown number: He/him pronouns please

unknown number: Thanks for asking I really appreciate it, actually

unknown number: People don’t always ask

Plan trashed. This is a better plan.

unknown number: she/her for me

unknown number: and no prob man

unknown number: i wasnt gonna assume ur gender

unknown number: ok that mightve sounded bad but i didnt mean it in a bad way like the ‘lol dont assume my gender’ way jerks do sometime i meant it in like a genuine

unknown number: if u have smth u wanna say u should say it because i am very tired and i can go on for a while

Whoops.

Alya can’t say she’s known for her stellar first impressions but she usually doesn’t ramble her way into an awkward corner. She mindlessly flips through apps as she waits for a response.

unknown number: Don’t worry about it! I didn’t take it the wrong way or anything

Alya smiles to herself as she responds. He keeps leaving her openings which is nice. Based off his initial reaction, she thought he’d shut this down as fast as possible.

She realizes this is probably a little weird. But it’s the most exciting thing to happen to her since school let out so…

unknown number: so whats up stranger??

unknown number: b4 u ask im just sitting in my room doing nothing but text u so thats my morning

unknown number: I actually have work soon, so that’s fun

Alya raises her eyebrows. She forgot age was something else she didn’t know yet.

unknown number: oo work that sounds fun

unknown number: what do u do???

unknown number: I work for my dad, it isn’t anything special

unknown number: But it gives me something to do with my time so I don’t mind that much

unknown number: If I randomly stop responding without warning, that’s why

unknown number: good 2 kno

unknown number: can i ask what u do 4 ur dad or is that 2 personal

unknown number: I uh… I just do whatever he needs me to do

unknown number: I don’t get paid or anything but

unknown number: ay it still works as a resume builder

unknown number: Yeah exactly!

unknown number: thats cool that ur dad can get u a job!! my mom and dad could never w their jobs so i just suffer

unknown number: not that thats any different from what i would do anyway as a teenager

Alright, perfect. She’s brought up the age question in a really clunky and awkward way. Better than nothing.

unknown number: Oh how old are you?

unknown number: I’m 15

Alya lets out a sigh of relief.

unknown number: ayy same!

unknown number: just ur fav teenage superhero blogger

unknown number: doing nothing with her life

unknown number: You like superheroes?

unknown number: yeah!! i love comic books. you??

unknown number: I don’t have time to read many but yeah! I’ve always loved Spiderman

unknown number: wonder woman is my g i r l

unknown number: superheroes are just so cool

She waits a few minutes before she decides that he must have gone off to work. Bonding over superheroes, that’s good. A shared interest. She scrolls through their conversation, rereading some of the earlier messages before she creates a contact for him. She makes the name ‘stranger’ and leaves it at that.

It’s not like they’re meeting up or anything. Even if he is an ax murderer, can’t kill her if she never sends him her location.

Alya spends the next couple of hours avoiding her mom as much as possible. She takes her sisters to the park and then goes to the library after she brings them home.

She doesn’t want to talk about it.

She’s clicking through a webcomic that she missed a few weeks worth of updates when her phone buzzes. She glances down, expecting it to be a text from her mom asking if she has any plans or to do chores or something, but is pleasantly surprised to see a message from her stranger.

stranger: Sorry about that, work ran long

stranger: Admittedly, I don’t know very much about Wonder Woman, but she looks very awesome

unknown number: !!!!

unknown number: when ive got more time remind me to tell u all abou t her

unknown number: and to rec some comic books even if u dont have time

stranger: Is she your favorite?

Alya sits back in her chair. This conversation is going to be a long one.

Alya finds herself randomly texting her stranger for the next few days. He doesn’t always respond quickly, but he responds eventually, no matter how weird her original message.

That’s more than she can say for most of her friends.

She texts him as she’s sitting on the counter in her kitchen, stirring a pot.

unknown number: hey stranger whats up

stranger: Just reading, you?

unknown number: making box mac n cheese

stranger: Sounds fun

unknown number: yeah im gonna eat it straight from the pot

The three dots bounce on the screen as the stranger takes his time with the next message. Alya snorts and turns off the stove, straining the pasta and moving to the fridge to find butter and cheese. He’s found his words by the time she’s letting the butter melt in the pot.

stranger: Straight from the pot? Why?

unknown number: because i live life on the edge

unknown number: and also because im too lazy to clean the dish later

stranger: You know what? That’s fair

Sometimes, Alya thinks that she probably shouldn’t think about someone who she doesn’t even know the name of as often as she does, let alone text him as much as she does. But sometimes she’ll see something, and she’ll immediately think of him. Or she’ll just be randomly upset and feel the strong urge to pick up the phone and see if he’s available to vent to.

She knows it’s kind of weird, but she can’t help herself.

One night, at around two in the morning, she finds herself messaging him.

unknown number: hey did i ever mention i was moving

She’s almost asleep, slightly more okay than she was before she sent the text, when he responds.

stranger: You haven’t but we also don’t talk about where we live

Alya stares at the screen for a long moment, the bright light in the darkness making everything on the screen blur into nothing. She just feels kind of numb.

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: like 8 hours away from where i live now

stranger: Wow that’s a big move

unknown number: yeah

stranger: I’m guessing you don’t want to go?

unknown number: not really

unknown number: did u know ur my only friend right now

stranger: I am?

unknown number: me and my other friends sort of cut ties

stranger: The internet exists

stranger: Phones exist

stranger: FaceTime and Skype both kind of suck, but they exist

unknown number: yeah i guess

unknown number: i guess its just too hard for any of us to try

stranger: I have no idea how far apart we live

stranger: We’re doing just fine

unknown number: yeah

unknown number: yeah ur right

One of Alya’s small comforts that comes to mind whenever she thinks about moving is the fact that she’ll have her phone on her and a portable charger. Her stranger will be with her every step of the way.

He’d managed to get her to talk to some of her friends. She doesn’t really think it’ll last once she’s in Paris, but the attempt is nice. And it gives her other people to talk to for the rest of the summer.

It’s too early in the morning when they leave for the last time for her to get really emotional about moving. All she has the energy to do is to take a picture of her old apartment, caption it ‘one last goodbye to marseille’, and save it before sending it to her friends over Snapchat. Before she falls asleep against the car window, she texts it to her stranger.

She wakes up to a new text among the goodbyes from her friends.

stranger: Have a nice car ride! I’ll let you know when I get back from work <3

Alya hides her smile from her sisters and screenshots the text for later.

She texts him from the floor of her new bedroom while her dad starts moving boxes. They’ve been in the process of moving for a while now, shipping most of their things to Paris beforehand. Now all that remains is the actual unpacking.

Alya doesn’t have the energy for that. She just lays on the floor and stares at the ceiling for a while. Then she picks up her phone and sends him a text.

It’s been about an hour since they last talked. She’d talked to him for a good majority of the car ride, only stopping when he was busy and ending the conversation when they arrived so she could get her things out of the car and help her sisters with theirs. She’d sent him a picture of her empty bedroom and said ‘let the unpacking begin :P’. He’d responded with a ‘Good luck!!’ and ‘I’ll let you get to work!’

Alya’s thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds. She’s never really pushed him for any sort of personal information before.

New city, new Alya. Or something.

unknown number: hey just wondering

unknown number: what do u have me in ur phone as??

unknown number: i have u in here as stranger

stranger: Your contact name?

stranger: Uh awkward but you don’t?

stranger: You’re the only one I just have the number for, so I know who you are that way

Alya reads his texts a few times before she responds. She doesn’t know what she expects in return, but she figures she has nothing to lose.

unknown number: im alya

unknown number: in case u were wondering

stranger: Hi Alya

stranger: I’m Adrien

[vinegarcoffin]

hi folks. im coming back to this account. a lot of things happened. 

this february i ran away from my family’s home to live w/ Sunn (my bf). we were hoping his landlord would let me live there since im his partner and shed previous allowed couples to live there but unfortunately after a week where i was staying there she decided she didnt want me there bc she was very strict about zoning laws and didnt tell anyone abt this beforehand so i was effectively homeless.

i stayed with my friend Earth for abt half a month during which time the landlord was “””deliberating””” whether or not she’d actually let me live there. Sunn and i were sure she’d say yes (she’d indicated such herself) but she decided to spring it on us that, due to laws she never elaborated upon, it was literally illegal for me to live there even though i was his partner and shed allowed partners to stay there before. (i feel i should make it clear that he was living in a separate part of her house that she rented out to people so the laws probably had smth to do with how many people were allowed to live in one house. i still never found out what exactly those laws were and she never elaborated.)

i always had a roof over my head (many times staying illegally w/Sunn and being very sure that his landlord never saw me) but i changed places of residence i think three times during that span of time. it’s very hard to keep count. i was staying (illegally) with three other people (they were aware of my presence and let me stay with them, i just wasnt allowed to) when quarantine happened.

even though I wasnt living with Sunn at that time, i was still able to see him bc my housemates understood the situation and were okay with us breaking quarantine for that reason (we were all rly conscientious abt social distancing and hand-washing and cleaning and that kind of thing), and since i cant drive, i needed someone else to buy my groceries for me, so Sunn would take me on grocery trips with me. and since he had a v small fridge and i didnt have a lot of space for food at the place i was staying, we had to make grocery trips rather often. after going grocery shopping we’d spend some time at either my place or his (ostensibly to put away groceries, really bc we wanted to be around each other because we were both losing our goddamn minds and being around each other was the only thing that gave us any idea where our minds even were.) 

i made another unofficial move after that and then right when i was going to graduate, i moved into what was going to be my official long-term place of residence with another roommate. i didnt get to see Sunn very much during this time and i honestly hated it a lot. the roommate was kind of an unstable person and he didn’t take the pandemic very seriously, which rly scared me, but he was never violent or anything so we just stayed out of each others ways.

during that time i impulsively threw away my benzodiazepines bc i was scared i wouldn’t be able to get my therapist to write me another prescription (this was when healthcare was still closed). withdrawals were shit and i honestly wanted to return to this blog during that time but i’d forgotten the email associated with it (whoops) and couldn’t log in. (i’ve since remembered the email hence why im here.) i stopped self harming the same day too, more or less bc my boyfriend told me to stop. that was really hard bc it was one of my few sources of pleasure and i had barely anything else i enjoyed. Sunn introduced me to 100 gecs during this time and i listened to their album 1000 gecs pretty much every day, sometimes multiple times in a row. i didnt get to sleep til 5 AM most nights bc of withdrawals and insomnia resulting therefrom. 

in May i finally got to start HRT (i was supposed to in March but the doctors at the LGBT center i had gone to to make my appointment decided not to let me because covid). i’ve been on it for three months now. 

i relapsed after a month or so after realizing i was not a functional human when i was sober and i didnt like who i was when i was sober. fortunately by then i’d had a phone meeting with my psychiatrist and she was able to give me another script for klonopin. by that point Sunn had moved into the apartment with me (the agreement was that he’d do so after graduating - we were both graduating that year - the only reason he waited was bc he couldn’t handle moving and his school workload at the same time, which was understandable). he didn’t like that i was relapsing and i disliked it even more but we both understood why i did it and i havent tried to get clean since then and i probably never will.

we were more or less stable and more or less happy for like two months until our roommate - we’d all agreed we’d live there together for at least a year - decided to move in with his partner and left us with absolutely nothing in the way of help w/finding another roommate or anything and no apology at all. 

we tried finding a new roommate and got some promising leads until our roommate dropped on us that he had signed a thirty-day notice for the lease to end and unless we were able to give proof of income (which we hadn’t been required to before but were suddenly required to now ig), we’d have to leave. he told us this ten days after he’d done it. he’d done that w/o our knowledge or consent. we weren’t able to make that happen so we looked into other housing but couldn’t find anything before the day we had to be out.

fortunately Earth and their family were willing to let us stay with them again (they’d recently bought a trailer that they were going to keep in the backyard and rent out to anyone they knew who wanted or needed to stay there). the trailer was sort of a disaster; we had no running water (only bc the water wasn’t working, they didn’t keep us in those conditions on purpose) and the AC died during a historically bad heatwave. the place we had been looking into moving into with a REALLY cool roommate we found that said we would probably get to live there turned us down bc although Sunn had found a job by that point and both the prospective roommate and I both have SSI (we’re both disabled) we didn’t make QUITE enough money for them.

we finally found a place and we moved into it yesterday. we have a roommate whose name is Izzy. they’re very stable and i don’t think they’re going to do anything awful. i’m afraid of them but that’s just bc i’m afraid of just about everyone i don’t know too well. Sunn’s at work three days of the week (he works from home two of the weekdays and he gets weekends off) and i’m here to cope with the isolation and also reblog trauma stuff that i don’t feel comfortable reblogging on my main blog. i think that’s all i have to say.