#tumblr rejected this post the first time i tried to post it in cue and if it does it again i'll IDE

[lugartl]

NEW FELT AND PROBLEM SLEUTH ARTTT!!!! YAYY

Also, some close ups!!!!1!!

featuring some headcanon designs aswell as Demimonde Semigoddess and FAD's unimportant to plot love child. i literally had to look up a ref cause i couldnt remember what he looked like :sob:

[dascarecrow]

Hi, all. First post so please have patience and don’t judge too harshly. 

So I absolutely love and adore the hit web animation known as RWBY from Rooster Teeth. The first time I saw anything for it was the teaser at the end of the Season 10 finale of Red vs. Blue and I was instantly drawn in.  

So I’ve followed from the series from the beginning and decided to dedicate my first post ever to a topic regarding RWBY that I find quite fascinating. 

A recurrent idea I’ve seen throughout Tumblr is the idea of Oscar Pine’s Fairy Tale inspiration being that of the Little Prince. I quite like this idea and will go into depth about my thoughts and feelings about it in this post. Fair warning I haven’t read the actual story so if I get anything wrong or inaccurate I apologize. 

Just for those who don’t know, the story of The Little Prince is as follows. A pilot crash lands in the desert and meets a young boy who reveals he’s a prince from a different world entirely. The prince tells the pilot the story of how they reached the moment they’ve met. A major part of the backstory is how a rose grew on the Prince’s planet and the two fell in love. The rose was vain and demanding but truly cared for the Prince. The Prince loved her despite her demands but eventually felt he was being taken advantage of by her and set out to see the universe. During his travels he met many different adults who embodied different criticisms of society. The Prince eventually made his way to Earth and landed in a desert before finding rosebushes, which left the Prince heartbroken because he thought the rose he knew was unique but now he saw that she truly wasn’t. After finding the rosebushes the Prince met a fox who helped him come to a realization about his rose, in that the love and care he had for the rose did make her special after all. After the meeting with the pilot the Prince meets a snake who offers him a way to return to his home by biting him. The ending is essentially the Prince allowing himself to be bitten by the snake but it’s left deliberately ambiguous as to whether or not the Prince did return home or simply died. There’s more to be certain but these are the main points. 

Anyway, on to the main stuff. 

One of the main themes of RWBY is the usage of different Fairy Tale inspirations in their characters. I have seen several posts about how Oscar’s Fairy Tale inspiration is that of The Little Prince, particularly from MiraculousCoraZone and LittleMissSquiggles, who I would recommend looking up on Tumblr.  These posts lay out good talking points for how and why this is the case and I decided to throw my hat in the ring for it. 

I like this idea tremendously for a few reasons. The first is that the fairy tale itself is a more obscure one to the extent that I discovered it through the posts that presented the idea. Second is that it would be thematically resonant with Oscar’s personal journey of wanting to be his own person and helps to set him apart from Ozpin who is meant to be the Wizard of Oz. The final reason is that I am a hopeless shipper and this theory let’s me indulge in my personal favorite ship of the series, Rosegarden. 

One of the things that stands out about RWBY is that it doesn’t play the fairy tale inspirations straight. For example Weiss is based on Snow White but rather than a vain and cruel queen for her stepmother she actually does have a family that loves and cares for her but is too consumed by their own faults and failings to properly tell her this. Similarly Blake is based on Beauty from Beauty and The Beast but shows what happens when the Beast is completely rejected. So if Oscar is inspired by the Little Prince what would be the deviation for him? 

My belief? What if the Little Prince met the pilot before he met his rose? 

Now, let’s go into all of the characters who could tie into this and how. 

The Prince 

The Little Prince of course is seen to be Oscar himself. This is supported by Oscar’s personal journey. The Prince before he met his rose mainly tended to the soil of his little planet which is similar to Oscar being a farmhand. The Prince was prompted to go explore the universe through the actions of the rose he loved and while Oscar is similarly prompted it’s not by a rose but by the old pilot, who in this case would be Ozpin. Oscar is the newest incarnation of Ozpin’s eternal and reincarnating soul throughout the ages and inherits the role of uniting humanity and fighting Salem. Now Oscar isn’t like the Prince at this point, as the Prince was innocent and cheerful but also possessed of wisdom when he met the pilot. Oscar by contrast is more weary and reluctant to follow the role he’s been given, largely unwilling to abandon the life he has now despite dreams of being more than a farmhand. Ozpin is the more optimistic of them at this point and is the one who prompts Oscar to set forth on his journey. It isn’t until he meets his rose that Oscar starts showing true warmth instead of the resignation of following Ozpin. 

Cue Oscar’s first meeting with Ruby where the Young Prince finally meets his Rose. Oscar is taken by her right away, amazed and enamored with her Silver Eyes. The early interactions between the two can easily be read as those of a budding romance, at least on Oscar’s end. One of the biggest moments for the two is the scene in the dojo where Oscar breaks down, overwhelmed by everything, and Ruby reveals the pain she’s been holding inside of herself before noting that Oscar is greater than he thinks. 

Now this is where the pilot’s presence helps the Young Prince and turns the story from it’s path. Oscar gets into thinking of Ruby as a truly special Rose, the greatest Huntress at Beacon, an ephemeral being one might say. Ozpin is quick to curtail these thoughts, acknowledging that she was indeed gifted in some ways but also noting that Ruby is ultimately only human. Not a figure of some glorified ideal that she can never truly live up to. The pilot sells the idea that while Ruby is a special rose she isn’t special for being a rose.  

And this idea actually does resonate with Oscar. He cares for her a great deal and will even fight against Ozpin to help her but he doesn’t hold her to some elevated pedestal. When Ruby chooses to hide the truth from Ironwood he clearly disagrees with the course of action and speaks with her about his doubts. He’s respectful and doesn’t automatically treat her actions as inherently wrong and his own concerns as right by default. Oscar never gives any indication that he’s going to go against Ruby’s decisions despite his concerns because he trusts and respects her, in a sense he knows how to love his rose which was a lesson the Little Prince learned the hard way. 

A key part of the Prince’s journey is that he meets other adults on other planets and discovers them to be absurd, irrational and self absorbed to ridiculous extremes. Oscar, throughout his own journey, finds nearly every adult member involved in the battle against Salem to be highly dysfunctional at best or outright corrupt at worst. Leo, Raven, Ironwood, they all eventually wound up turning against Ozpin for their own selfish reasons. Even Qrow, otherwise the most loyal member of his Inner Circle, coped with his tragedies through alcoholism and violently turned against Ozpin when he discovered the truth. Oscar dismally discovers all of this through his own eyes, especially while Oz is absent.  

We’ll get to the fox and snake in a moment but for now let’s switch tracks to another character. 

The Pilot 

Ozpin takes the role of the pilot and at first seems to be a complete defiance of the pilot’s role in the story. The pilot’s journey in the original story was recognizing the inherent cynicism and pessimism in adults and coming to realize he was no better. Ozpin at first seems to outright reject these notions, seeing the best in humanity and believing they can triumph and overcome anything through working together. But as the story goes on it shows that he’s arguably more broken than any other character the battle against Salem. He knows all too well that full truth of what humanity faces could and more than likely would completely break anyone who discovers it so he hides the truth from his allies and allows them fight an impossible enemy that he knows can not die in war that will never end. 

This ties into how Ozpin subverts the pilots role. The original story had the pilot as a passive figure, someone who is told a story and reacts to that which occurs to what is right in front of him. But Ozpin is different, he tries to be a mentor to the Young Prince that is Oscar. He is the one that pushes Oscar forward and encourages him to go forward. But eventually Oscar starts to push back against him and tries to choose his own path rather than follow and defer to Ozpin. In these times, such as the battle at Haven or when the truth was revealed to the others, Ozpin tries to overpower Oscar and assert his own authority. Contrasting how the pilot in the story came to see his own faults and failings and sought to regain some of the lost cheer and light that goes with childhood innocence by seeking the Little Prince once more, Ozpin is so consumed by the notion that people simply can not rise above the darkest truths of the world that resolves to never share anything that isn’t needed.  

This is where Oscar as the Prince enters his journey. Oscar is able to return to Ozpin some of the faith and hope for humanity that he had long since forgotten, much as the Little Prince did for The Pilot. Ozpin begins to defer to Oscar and help him along, acknowledging the truth that Oscar shows him. 

This is ultimately the purpose of the bond between the two. The God of Light set Ozma’s reincarnations to make it so he was never truly alone but with Oscar there is a wall that stems from Oscar’s worries for his own identity and Ozpin’s cynical outlook on humanity’s virtue. The two souls are meant to merge, with neither claiming dominance as Oscar fears but to work in harmony. Ozpin fails to do this but he does impart an important lesson to Oscar regardless of his other failings. 

The dojo scene. As mentioned above Oscar begins to see Ruby is greater than she truly is, that she is a special and ephemeral Rose. Ozpin, who has the benefit of the ages he’s lived, dissuades Oscar from this belief. Not only because Oscar’s belief is patently untrue but because Ozpin has seen first hand countless others like Ruby. Fairytales of Remnant all but confirms that Ozpin has lived lives where he met other Warriors with Silver Eyes and possibly other Roses. Ozpin knows that while Ruby is a special Rose she is not special for being a Rose or for having Silver Eyes. Ozpin extols that Ruby is indeed a fine Huntress and has traits that raise her high but she also is lacking in other ways and imparts this to Oscar who can see her as the Rose that he will know in this life and no other. 

The Rose 

Ruby is the Rose that the Young Prince falls in love with, as we’ve already covered. The story of Ruby as the Rose the Prince comes to love differs in that The Prince has already met the Pilot by the time he meets her. Ruby is quite joyful to meet Oscar personally, even before she meets Ozpin yet again. This highlights a key difference between Ruby and The Rose. The Rose was vain and demanding, wanting the Prince’s care and attention however she could get it. Ruby freely offers of herself a comfort that Oscar desperately searches for throughout the series, that he is his own person and not simply another life that Ozma has to suffer through. In this way Ruby subverts the Rose’s role. 

Another subversion happens in the dojo scene when Oscar breaks down and questions how Ruby can possibly be okay with what has happened. The Little Prince felt his Rose took him for granted, choosing to look at her harsher words instead of her kinder actions. Ruby goes against and openly reveals another side of herself, showing how overwhelmed and hurt she feels by everything that has happened. Oscar, the Young Prince, sees the side of his Rose that the Little Prince wasn’t able to and he comes to know her far better. The tragedy of the Little Prince and his Rose was that they loved each other but were too young to know how to be in love. That is not the case here as Ozpin’s advice to Oscar leads him to temper his own enamored beliefs. So when they time comes and they do come to love each other, if they ever do, then they will know how to be in love. 

The final aspect of Ruby’s role as the Rose is her hiding the truth from Ironwood. Oscar is not pleased with her doing so and speaks his mind to her about how he sees it as a hypocrisy given Ozpin’s own actions. The Rose chooses to put her own desires ahead of the Prince’s freely given support but instead of wallowing in his own grief about it Oscar actually speaks to her as an equal. He has his concerns but never for a second does he consider going against her for what she’s done. He fervently believes in Ruby and isn’t going to let one moment of self concern change that. Ruby and Oscar excitedly speaking with another about finally revealing the truth shows how much they honestly care for each other. Ruby made the choice to hide the truth but she won’t make the choice to reveal it if Oscar won’t agree with her. The two are utterly joyous at being on the same page with each other. 

The Snake 

This one is about the only character I can’t solidly determine a counterpart for. If you go with the interpretation of the snake as killing the Prince then Salem would take the role. If you go with the idea that the Snake kept its word and returned the Prince to his world then the role would go to either Hazel or Emerald. Hazel would be fitting as it subverts the Snake’s intention of freeing the Prince’s soul from his body because Hazel is well aware of Ozpin’s ability to reincarnate and it would be thematically fitting for him to begin his redemption by freeing his current life from Salem. Emerald would be fitting as the Snake’s actions, if altruistic, would be a Samaritan’s act and Emerald could begin her redemption by helping to free Oscar. 

The Adults 

On his journey the Little Prince met several adults who embody criticisms of society. Oscar actually encounters counterpoints for these adults on his own journey. 

Ironwood embodies both the King With No Subjects and The Narcissist. The King gives orders but they are only orders that can be followed and he adjusts his commands to fit the situation. Ironwood similarly demands everyone follow his orders but doesn’t recognize others refusing to follow them as anything other than them being enemies. He also refuses to adjust his methods even after they have failed him countless times before. This ties into his role as The Narcissist as it’s shown that Ironwood is motivated by the desire for personal validation and a refusal to admit his own flaws. Ironwood countless times has acted with the conceit that he is the one people should follow for no other reason than that he says so. Oscar comments on this, noting he does believe in Ironwood when the General asks him for validation “But not only you”. Oscar refuses to see Ironwood as the only one with answers the need or the only one fighting against Salem.  

The Drunk is embodied by Qrow. Oscar first met him in a bar and their first interaction consisted of Oscar getting Qrow home after he got drunk. The Drunk drinks to forget his shame at being a drunkard. Qrow goes into a destructive spiral after discovering the truth, claiming that meeting Ozpin was the worst luck of his life. Qrow is actually able to break through his own pessimism and give up on drinking. 

The Businessman is embodied by Jacques. The Businessman endlessly counts and catalogues the stars so he can own them all, unable to see their beauty. Jacques made the Schnee Dust Company the most powerful in Remnant but at the cost of the traits that initially made it so great to begin with, such as integrity and honor. Jacques opposition to Ironwood’s increasingly drastic methods isn’t motivated by altruism or how the General is hurting people but because of the profits he losing because of the General’s actions. Jacques can not see value in anything other than the company he stole away from it’s rightful inheritors. 

The Lamplighter is embodied by the Atlesian Military. The Lamplighter blindly follows orders to put out and relight a lamppost for his whole life because a whole day is only a minute on the planet he lives so he has to do one of the other every thirty seconds, rather than just leave the lamppost lit. The Atlesian Military, and especially the Ace-Ops, are blindly obedient to every order Ironwood gives them regardless of their personal feelings or morality on the matter. They actually break away from the mold in that every order they are given, every justification they come up with to try and explain why they are in the right, is just slowly pushing them further and further towards breaking away entirely. 

The Geographer is embodied by the Happy Huntresses. In the story the Geographer is meant to be a diatribe on how pointless it is specialize in something in a contemporary world. The Huntresses are seen to be as going against the grain in Atlas, choosing to help Mantle rather ignore it and left the military to do so. This unquestionably shown as a good thing, as the right thing to do. May especially sees it as more important to protect Mantle as Atlas has always had the means to protect and support itself while Mantle struggles to get by.  

With all of that said there is one final character to cover and they could be the most important one in Oscar’s journey as the Young Prince. 

The Fox 

Yes Ren is the character I feel could be the Fox. In many ways Ren is the most composed character of the main heroes, generally being far calmer and trying to have his head on straighter. I say trying because in many ways he is far more emotional than the rest, trying to bury things down until they boil over. The other members of RWBY and JNPR have had meltdowns and blowups but they are especially notable with Ren because he’s normally more composed. He and Jaune are the only ones who gotten suicidal in their reckless meltdowns but where Jaune cooled down after getting overpowered in his Ren stubbornly insisted on fighting even if he got himself killed. So why does Ren fit the role of the Fox? 

Because my belief is that he’s growing into that role still. 

In “Fault” Ren has a meltdown and posits that RWBY and JNPR are just kids in over their heads and that the adults involved are better suited to handle the problems they are dealing with. This patently shown as false as Ironwood and the Ace-Ops barely know what they are doing any more the heroes do. One of the themes of the Little Prince is how adults try to pass themselves off as mature and reasonable but ultimately are little better than children because of how far they take their flaws.  

Ren witnesses this in “War” where the Ace-Ops argue with JRY about allowing them to try and rescue Oscar from Salem. He comes to realize that the adults who should be able to get a handle on things are better at it than the children that are being condemned. This leads to two moments that are resonant with the Fox’s role in the story. 

When Ren declares that “No One Is Replaceable!” 

In the Little Prince the Fox is able to help the Prince come to terms with his heartbreak over his Rose not being as special as he thought. The Fox claims that you are responsible for what you tame. The Prince tamed his Rose, he cared for her and loved her, and so she was special because she was his. Special not because she was a rose but because she was his Rose. 

Ren’s declaration carries similar sentiments. Oscar is important to them because he’s their friend. They need no other reason to work to save him. The Ace-Ops don’t see this, they refuse to see it, and they condemn JRY for believing it. Which leads to the second moment. 

Ren’s Semblance evolving and letting him see the true emotions of the Ace-Ops.  

One of the most powerful lines in the story, something that sticks with me personally, is the Fox declaring “It it only with the heart that we can see rightly.” The Fox states that it is only by looking with our heart, by choosing to do what is right, that we are able to anything of true importance. 

Ren can see the Ace-Ops deepest, most well hidden feelings. He sees their hearts and he beseeches them to listen to what they are trying to ignore, trying to fight against. Because it is the only way they will be able to grow and evolve to their full potential. 

And when Ren reunites with Oscar he will be able to see the heart of the Young Prince. And the heart of the Rose that The Young Prince loves. And he’ll be there to guide them so they know how to be in love. 

Okay that was a doozy. But hey I hope it’s one heck of an opening act and the beginning of many posts to arrive. 

[what-breaks-my-heart]

Episode 10: Misunderstanding from Understanding (이해라는 오해) - Episode Thoughts

It is safe to assume many viewers are ENRAGED at Woo Yeon’s behaviour in this episode, particularly when she agreed to have dinner with Joon Soo just a minute after Lee Soo introduced her to his parents as the person he likes, and when she showed up in front of Lee Soo’s door afterward.

I was enraged myself that I went to several posts made by other people and shared my displeasure by her actions. No matter how I tried to find the reason behind Woo Yeon’s actions, I found nothing. It seemed to me that her actions were not only unjustified, but also unbecoming of her character.

Buuuuuut, and that’s a big but here (no pun intended), after sittting with my thoughts (more like tossing in bed) and going through all of the over 1,000 screencaps I took during the episode (oh god I am becoming more like my tumblr mutual with 50 GB of screencaps), I realised the writer pulled a grand scheme of shifting the viewers’ rooting from Woo Yeon to Lee Soo, while also laying down another piece of the puzzle in Woo Yeon’s and Lee Soo’s eventful relationship. I promise this will make at least some sense further down

This is going to be a long post so more under the break!

A quick recap: episode 9 ended with Lee Soo walking past Woo Yeon with a straight face at the exhibition, with Woo Yeon feeling upset about it.

At the beginning of episode 10, we were shown the conversation between Woo Yeon and Young Hee about her attending this exhibition. This conversation which took place before the exhibition, seemed to be out place (more on that later), because it could have been cut short to just Woo Yon telling Young Hee why she’s not worried about attending the exhibition. Heck, it could have been done with the three girlfriends having a drink and them teasing each other. But no, this conversation only took place between the two of them. Apparently Young Hee is acting like a big sister to Woo Yeon with her sage advice too.

Young Hee: Will you be okay? Both Mr. CEO and Soo will be there.

Woo Yeon: Why wouldn’t I? It’s all over anyway.

Young Hee: With whom?

Woo Yeon: With both.

Young Hee: When?

Woo Yeon: Well, it ended a while ago for me. And I haven’t heard from Mr. CEO or Soo since. It’s over.

Young Hee: Mr. CEO is one thing, but Soo said he’d wait.

Woo Yeon: He’s selfish. If he wanted to, he would’ve called long ago.

Young Hee: Who are you to conclude that?

Woo Yeon: Because I understand. Because I was like that. When someone I thought would like only me started seeing someone else, and when I saw him saying and doing things that I thought were only for me to someone else, I got jealous. How ridiculous is that?

Young Hee: You don’t want him, but you don’t want anyone else to have him. Something like that?

Woo Yeon: Something like that.

Young Hee: And so, that’s how it is for Soo.

Woo Yeon: Correct.

Young Hee: Are you sure about yourself?

Cue the episode title in calligraphy writing.

At first, I really thought this conversation was out of place and didn’t deserve to be followed by the episode title calligraphy. Some of you would notice that these episode title calligraphy would only appear after some heavy conversations in the middle of the episode. Putting this conversation and the episode title calligraphy right at the beginning of the episode was way too heavy.

However, by putting the title this early in the episode, the tone for the entire episode has been set, and everything that is bound to happen will follow this theme. Earlier this morning, I was mad at myself for not noticing how this ties back to Woo Yeon’s outrageous behaviour at the end of the episode.

You see, what this episode is trying to tell us is how the characters thought they have understood the others, and acted based on that perceived understanding.

Why Woo Yeon acted that way, you ask? Because she thought she understood Lee Soo. She thought she had seen it all, being the closest person to Lee Soo during their last year in high school together.

Woo Yeon knew how she has a moment of burning jealousy everytime someone she thought would like only her, suddenly acted in a similar way they were to her, to other people.

Woo Yeon also interpreted Lee Soo’s sudden act of clinging onto her when she was in a relationship with Joon Soo as Lee Soo being jealous and frustrated that Woo Yeon, whom he thought would only like Lee Soo, suddenly showed any sign of interest to someone else.

Premised on the above, Woo Yeon concluded that she and Lee Soo are similar in that sense, easily becoming jealous.

Now, let’s jump ahead to the night when the incident took place.

What we know:

Woo Yeon wanted to leave upon learning that Joon Soo had tricked her into having a dinner with him by pulling some strings with his friend who told her it would be a business meeting with the said friend on the future project.

Joon Soo guilt tripped her into staying, saying her leaving would embarrass him in front of Lee Soo’s family who noticed them at the restaurant.

Woo Yeon reluctantly stayed, and rejected Joon Soo’s proposal to be in a relationship. AGAIN. Girl, you could have finished early and left right away yet you didn’t

Lee Soo, who was only a moment ago, lit up after running into Woo Yeon at the restaurant and introduced her as the person he likes to his parents, turned sour, and the entire family had an awkward birthday dinner.

The thing that made me furious about this is how Woo Yeon felt obliged to stay to save Joon Soo’s face, while ignoring how the entire fiasco would HUMILIATE Lee Soo in front of his own parents. Not just Lee Soo. In front of Lee Soo’s PARENTS. I was fuming mad.

Both groups finished dinner, and all of them were leaving the place. Unlike Joon Soo the creepy stalker, Lee Soo waited for her in front of the building, just to speed off in his car when Woo Yeon tried to approach him.

Never stop being a drama queen, Lee Soo

And now what? Woo Yeon actually took a taxi to Lee Soo’s apartment? Just to explain to him what had happened?

*flips table*

“No matter how hard I try to understand you, there’s only one conclusion. Kyung Woo Yeon thinks I’m a joke.”

“What?”

“It looks like you still don’t believe me, but I really like you. So don’t trample on my feeling.”

Set it straight to her, Lee Soo!

“But I just snapped right out of it. I’ve regained my balance.”

Let me reiterate how this made me outraged. If Woo Yeon was planning on getting pay back for his mistreatment of her over the years, she really has gone overboard this time. Lee Soo might have been a selfish jerk, but everything that he ever told her was his understanding of his feelings during the moment. Never once has he tried to hurt her on purpose. He did hurt her nonetheless, and that’s why I gave her a one-time pass when she quoted his own words to him at the cafe. But repeatedly hurting him on purpose? I started to feel like Lee Soo deserved better.

Okay, here’s what I promised.

“When someone I thought would like only me started seeing someone else, and when I saw him saying and doing things that I thought were only for me to someone else, I got jealous.”

“It’s like a moment of burning jelaousy. Something like that.”

Remember I said earlier how Woo Yeon concluded that Lee Soo became jealous at her once she dated Joon Soo. Their fateful (I keep repeating this wordplay but it’s funnier in Korean) encounter at the restaurant was their second time seeing each other since Lee Soo took that long trip, and Lee Soo was being treated to the sight of Woo Yeon having a dinner date with Joon Soo.

Based on her own conclusion of how Lee Soo would react to this, she tried to explain what happened to stop him from getting jealous. Why? Because she needed him to continue worshipping her. She needed to keep him by her side, close enough that she could feel herself being chased by Lee Soo who was madly in an unrequited love, but not too close, because she didn’t want him. Woo Yeon must really like tuning into the home shopping channel huh

“You don’t want him, but you don’t want anyone else to have him. Something like that?”

It was a eureka moment when I joined all of these dots together. I could finally understand why Woo Yeon did what she did. She basically acted in the way that she understood her own feelings, and the way she understood Lee Soo. But no, it still does NOT justify her actions.

“Are you sure about yourself? Do you never misunderstood yourself in any way? I just wonder if the emotion that you say you’re sure about really is what you feel. It’s human nature to misunderstand yourself at times. Is it possible to understand someone else? I just wonder if it’s right when you think you understand someone is when misunderstandings form.”

I now believe that Woo Yeon is still confused about her own feelings and misunderstood herself (and Lee Soo). It may be some time before she can finally clear all of that misunderstanding, but I believe just like how Lee Soo finally understood his own feelings, Woo Yeon would soon understand hers too.

In conclusion, I would say that this episode integrated the episode title, Misunderstanding from Understanding really well. Perhaps a little too well.

[fanficflaneuse]

One Day - Part 7

A/N: Dear magical tumblr friends, today I have not much to say but an expression of my gratitude for your comments, hearts and reblogs. I really wasn’t expecting many people to like what I write. So, it does come as a surprise, one that’s very pleasing and leaves a fuzzy feeling inside me :)

Details: 

Draco x reader (she/her pronouns) Word count: 2165

Summary: One day AU. Post-war. Since The Battle of Hogwarts, Draco and y/n meet one day a year.

Masterlist 

Enjoy! 

3 May, 2005

(Y/N) and Draco stood in front of each other, unsure of what to say or do. The muffled sounds of the celebration inside only made their silence heavier. They were in the garden of Ginny and Harry’s new home. Their housewarming party was the first time they met in two years.

Ginny had given birth to their firstborn, James Sirius, in August. With the newest Potter in tow, they decided their little flat in London was not the right place to raise their growing family and moved to a house in Devon. It was closer to the Burrow and had a huge back yard for their mischievous nine-months-old boy. That Tuesday night, (Y/N) had knocked on the door expecting a very adult reunion with her closest friends. She was greeted by a full-blown party. The music was deafening and there was a thick smell of booze in the air.

She greeted her friends, unaware of the grey eyes fixed on her from across the room. Draco was determined not to let another day pass. Two years had gone by since he last saw her and even more since they had truly enjoyed each other’s company. He wanted her back.

“(Y/L/N) is truly like fine wine,” Draco’s gaze shifted to Blaise, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

“How so?” he asked carefully, guessing he really didn’t want to know the answer to that.

“As years go by, she just gets better and better,” Blaise answered, a sly smile on his face.

Draco gulped. He couldn’t deny that every time he saw (Y/N) she seemed much more beautiful than before. Whenever he had the pleasure of rediscovering her, he’d find something new to…well, love. He hadn’t had that chance in the last two years, so the effect she had on him now, even across the room, was tenfold.

“I can’t believe she’s still single.” That was Draco’s cue to stand up. He didn’t want to listen to anyone talking about his best friend in such terms. Guided by a rush, he walked towards her, interrupting her conversation with Hermione and Neville.

At first, (Y/N) thought she was hallucinating. She looked at him from head to toe, admiring the cool and kind energy that emanated from him. He was a breath of fresh air, one she had been missing for almost five years now. Then, (Y/N) noticed how, standing silently as they were, they attracted people’s attention. Pansy and Hermione looked at them intrigued. Harry was offering them a kind smile. Ron and Ginny were most definitely scoffing. Her friends’ antics made her realize she was not imagining him; Draco was standing right in front of her.

She didn’t doubt for a second when he asked her to talk privately.

That’s how they had gotten there, standing solemnly on the veranda with tears in their eyes. After a few minutes of doubting, (Y/N) inched forward and hugged Draco’s middle, burying her face on his chest. Draco smiled, relieved, and hugged her back. He pressed kisses on the top of her head.

“I missed you so much, Dray,” she said.

“Me too, (Y/N/N). You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” he answered, bringing her closer to his chest.

A friendship was reborn.  They sat side by side on the porch, their backs to the house. They allowed themselves to be pulled towards each other, so their bodies were as pressed together as they could possibly be.  

“Don’t you want to let off steam? I’m here, you can roast me, insult me, call me on my behaviour. Really, nothing can possibly be worse than what I’ve said to myself,” even if Draco tried to press a humorous tone in his voice, (Y/N) could feel the regret and shame.

“Dray…for the longest time I thought about barging into Malfoy Manor to give you a piece of my mind. I wanted to insult you. Circe! At times I even thought about hexing you to kingdom come. I am not going to lie, I was hurt,” as she said all of this, she noticed how Draco’s face dropped, “but I’ve forgiven you. I’m not going to pretend like things didn’t happen. But I also prefer not to dwell on them.”

Draco then told her he had been sober for almost two years. He explained that their meeting had been a wakeup call and he decided he didn’t want to be that prick ever again. He told her, excitedly, that he had started healer training and he felt he had finally found his true calling. (Y/N) genuinely rejoiced at this. Draco then described his chance encounter with Harry at a muggle tea shop. They rekindled their friendship almost immediately and met every Wednesday evening for afternoon tea. This fact made her giggle like a lunatic.

He also narrated, just for the pleasure of hearing her laugh again, how Ginny went ballistic when he first set foot on their house.

“Well, it wasn’t undeserved. You were a git,” she teased. Draco nodded, feeling a bit guilty.

“What I’m wondering is,” she added, her dashing smile leaving her face, “why didn’t you reach out to me, Dray.”

Draco squeeze (Y/N)’s hands. “Don’t think I didn’t try, (Y/N/N). I did. Many times, actually. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I know I hurt you for some very stupid reasons. I even asked Harry and Ginny – and Ron and Hermione and everyone else, basically – not to tell you about me because I wanted to contact you myself. And then I just couldn’t…I…”

“It’s okay, Dray,” she consoled him, like many times before, by putting her hands on his cheeks and making him face her. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, they gave each other that look of longing and lust that begs to be ended by a kiss. But before either of them leaned in, Draco reminded himself of the many, many reasons why it was not okay for them to kiss. I’m not that imbecile any more, he told himself.

“So, tell me about you. What have you been doing lately,” he said, ending abruptly their little moment.

(Y/N) blushed and fixed her gaze on the sky. She shared with him something nobody else knew: she was going to publish her first book. Draco was so happy for her – and for the fact that she had told him first – that he almost cried. She then explained how things were going spectacularly at her job. Once again, he hanged onto her every word as she poured so much passion into what she was saying. For some reason, (Y/N) mentioned her breakup with Ernie.

“I figured as much when he arrived holding hands with Cho,” he murmured. He didn’t say that MacMillan hadn’t even returned his greeting and had even glared at him from across the room.

As they spoke, he waited for the right time to tell her a not so little detail of his life, which was nagging at him. He convinced himself to wait another day to tell her, that they had just found each other, that it was better if they eased into their friendship first, when, all of a sudden, the door behind them opened with a bang.

“There you are, baby,” he heard a woman’s voice say.

Draco winced when he saw (Y/N)’s confused expression. She turned around to face the newcomer, a woman with auburn hair, delicate features and a very soft complexion. She was staring at them expectantly, her hands on her hips and her head a bit tilted. Draco stood up and the woman walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed him, a soft kiss he responded so reluctantly it reminded (Y/N) of her time with Ernie.

Still, she was startled, baffled even. Draco put his arms around her waist and (Y/N) looked away, feeling like she was intruding.

Draco cleared his throat. “Tori, this is (Y/N),” he said awkwardly signaling between both women, “(Y/N/N), this is Astoria.”

The auburn-haired woman squealed and turned to (Y/N), enveloping her in a hug. “Drakey has told me so so so so much about you! I have a lot to thank you for. You’ve made my job easier,” she joked, hugging (Y/N) tighter, “I’m glad you’ve reconnected and I really hope we can also be friends. You sound like a beautiful person.”

The situation as a whole was asphyxiating, to say the least. But even as Astoria kept talking and violating her physical boundaries (and also despite the fact that she was clearly Draco’s something), (Y/N) couldn’t dislike her. She was...sweet. Draco gave her an apologetic smile. She smiled back, hoping it concealed the sadness and disappointment she felt. Draco noticed that there was something behind her gesture, but out of respect for his girlfriend he didn’t want to name it. Nor admit he was feeling something similar.

“Astoria,” (Y/N) said, trying to be as friendly and good-tempered as possible.

“Tori,” she corrected.

“Tori,” (Y/N) tried again, the nickname still foreign in her tongue, “It was a pleasure to meet you. I really need to get going now, though. I don’t know if Dray–co told you this, but I am a teacher at Hogwarts. Tomorrow is a school day and I need to apparate to the castle first thing in the morning.”

“How interesting! You didn’t mention that, love,” she reproached her boyfriend playfully, “It was a pleasure to meet you too, (Y/N).”

“(Y/N/N),” she corrected her as well. As cringe-y as she found strangers calling her by the nickname only her friends used, she felt like she needed to return the gesture.

“(Y/N/N),” Astoria agreed with a smile.

“It was great to see you again, Draco,” she said before heading back to the party.

(Y/N) said goodbye to all of her friends and picked her coat. She was trying to let go of any feeling of rejection or discouragement. She had her friend back and that alone was enough to make her happy, right? Of course, things were meant to change. That’s what she tried telling herself to avoid the heartache.

If she was completely honest with herself, (Y/N) had to admit she had been waiting for a day in which Draco came back and they could be together. As the years came and went, her hope diminished, but it was never completely gone. It was always there, in the back of her mind, even when she dated other people. Finding him here today, as good as it was, had been a reality check. As much as she felt her heart chattering a bit, she knew it was for the best. (Y/N) needed to move on.

She closed the door behind her, getting ready to apparate back to her apartment. All of a sudden, someone hugged her from behind. She tensed for a second until she recognized Draco. He felt her relax in his arms and then tense up again, which made him a bit sad.

“It’s always like this with us, isn’t it?” he said, trying to humour her.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“You’re always leaving and I’m always chasing you,” he answered.

(Y/N) thought that it was the other way around, but laughed anyways, knowing very well that Draco was trying to lighten the mood. He felt satisfied and kissed the top of her head again. Feeling her relax in his arms once again gave him the courage to face her. He didn’t know how to address this. How can you even begin to explain to the woman you’ve loved for such a long time that you’re in a relationship with another woman – who you’re also in love with – but you haven’t entirely moved on?

“(Y/N)-”

“Don’t (Y/N) me, Dray,” she said sternly.

“(Y/N/N), I’m sorry”

“Why would you be sorry, Dray?”

“I don’t know. Astoria…”

“Is your girlfriend,” she finished.

“Yes,” he answered, not knowing what else to say.

“Listen, Dray. Today I found one of my closest friends again. He was affectionate as ever. And he’s getting his life back on track, which an absolute relief. If I tell you a secret, he had turned into a bit of a git the last time I saw him. Seeing him like this has made me very happy. So, let me enjoy that,” she said, a kind smile on her face.

Feeling like the luckiest man alive, Draco engulfed her in another hug. Once again in his arms, (Y/N) remembered the words of wisdom he had said all those years ago in Mexico, how he preferred to be her soulmate destined to be best friend than a boyfriend of a couple of months. She realized that maybe that’s what their thing was all about. And even if it was going to take time for her to get used to it, (Y/N) felt content.

tags: @fandomscombine @okaydraco @naomi02hook @iliketoast23 @winnsmills @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog @happycomb @xtrashmouthxtozierx @hopplessdreamer

[cooperfm]

          hello  beautiful  people  !  lenny  here  (  23  ,  she  /  her  ,  mst  )  and  i’m  so  excited  to  be  here  !  i’ve  been  really  missing  my  boy  cooper  ,  and  this  group  really  felt  like  such  a  good  fit  for  him  .  i  cannot  wait  to  introduce  him  to  you  and  meet  all  of  you  !  everything  you  need  to  know  about  him  can  be  find  right  below  the  cut  ,  and  if  you  like  what  you  see  just  click  that  heart  or  slide  into  my  dms  and  we  can  plot  !  my  tumblr  ims  are  open  ,  or  you  can  reach  me  via  dis  of  the  cord @  *  ɪ'ᴍ ᴀ ʟᴏɴᴇʟʏ 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉 .#3088

did you just see cooper averton walking down fifth avenue ? the twenty three year old, singer / songwriter has been living in the nyc for five years and has a net worth of $124mill & 28.5m followers on instagram. some say they tend to be quite charming , but also reticent . however, they seem to enjoy posting about fingers adorned with silver rings , missed calls from california , lyrics scribbled in a rush on their social media. ( austin butler  ✕   he / him   ✕   cis male )   &   ( lenny  ✕   23  ✕   she / her  ✕   mst )

*  /  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑩𝑨𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑺  :

full  name  :  cooper jonathon averton

nicknames  :  coop , cj , c.jave

age  /  birthdate  :  twenty3 / june 27 , 1996

gender  /  pronouns  :  cis male / he , him

sexuality  :  pansexual

hometown  :  bel air , california

occupation  :  singer , songwriter

*  /  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫  :  (  tw : mention of drugs , addiction , overdose  )

so i have a full bio written up for cooper , which you can find here — fair warning , it’s a novel because i tend to ramble and cooper has a fairly elaborate history . but below will be my attempt at the cliff notes of his story , though i can almost guarantee it may still get out of hand because i , like jenna marbles , have a too much gene and i can’t control it !!!

cooper was born in bel air , california , and i know you know what that means — the silver spoon was shoved right into his mouth from the get go . mr averton was a well - known and reputable lawyer , so money was far from an issue for the family . the only issue was upholding their reputation and the family legacy .

being the eldest child , cooper was immediately expected to be the one to follow in his father’s footsteps and take control of the firm . except young cooper turned out to be far from lawyer - material . he was sweet , outgoing , and a little weak - willed — and thus , the family disappointment .

long story short , coop was the black sheep of the averton family . he stretched to reach the high expectations of his family , particularly his demanding father — but always seemed to fall short . cue the daddy issues .

cooper’s peers took advantage of his kind , personable nature in order to rise to gain their own popularity . he eventually caught on to his fake friends when he caught his girlfriend cheating with his best friend , and he sorta spiralled . loneliness and rejection are his greatest fears and he couldn’t swallow losing everyone around him , so he swallowed his pride and just kept letting people take advantage of him — all while burying himself in bel air’s partying scene .

that is where his addiction started , the drugs numbing him in a way nothing else could — well , aside from music . his creative streak was just another thing that differed him from his family and cooper embraced it . he always loved the way music made him feel , strumming a guitar or humming a lyric . he had two loves in his life : drugs and music .

following high school graduation , cooper’s parents were pushing him towards college , crossing their fingers that their son would find his way back from his little detour in life . but cooper had a different route in mind for himself — he wanted to pursue his passion for music . this obviously did not sit well with his parents , who couldn’t fathom how their rockstar son would further tarnish their pristine reputation as bel air’s finest . tensions rose in the averton mansion until they finally exploded one night , leaving cooper to pack his bags and leave the place he had called home for eighteen years .

being eighteen , cooper had full access to his trust fund and he booked a one way ticket to new york city , eager to put as much distance as he could between himself and his family . he didn’t want to solely live off of his parents’ money though , so he began busking and bartending to pay for his little apartment .

cooper could have easily bought his way to the top , to the career he dreamt of , but he wanted to earn it , to know that his talent was what pushed him to success . so he played on the streets , in as many bars that would let him , and uploaded his music online until he finally caught the attention of a rising record label .

his career generally follows that of his claim , sir sly , except his first single was released in 2017 . i’ll be working on a general timeline for his career , but he’s been active since 2017 and just released his newest single “ all your love ” !

last year , cooper ended up in rehab after a near - fatal overdose while touring . he went off the grid for three months until returning in the fall a brighter version of himself . it seemed to have done him good , except he eventually fell off the wagon after a few too many nights back in his usual clubs . that’s all on the downlow though , not many know he’s back to using and he’s careful to only be caught with a drink in his hand .

he’s also slowly reconnected with his family since his teens . they still don’t love his lifestyle choices , but there’s still the random phone call every now and then .

** i don’t know where else to weave this in , but his stage name is c.jave — sort of a little alias for him so he wasn’t leaning on the averton name .

*  /  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹  :

label(s)  :  the maverick , the benevolent , the contingent ,

traits  :  charming , reclusive , diligent , trusting , loyal , naive , addictive , creative , short - tempered , obsessive 

aesthetics  :  fingers adorned with silver rings , a journal bound in leather , missed calls from california , shirt sleeves pushed up to elbows , lyrics scribbled in a rush , cigarette smoke curling from parted lips , broken guitar strings

personality wise , cooper’s a walking enigma . at first glance , he’s quiet , mysterious , and a little intimidating . his resting “ don’t fuck with me ” face can put most off , and he’s unlikely to make the first move with strangers — unless he has something in his bloodstream .

give him a few drinks ( or pills ) though , and cooper can become the life of the party . he honestly just loves to have fun and enjoy his freedom in nyc . he’s a well - known face at the bars and is often photographed stumbling home to his loft apartment in times square .

his walls are unfortunately let down a little too quickly for his own good though . even though it’s fucked him over in the past , he trusts too easily and wants to believe in the best of everyone . he’s quite charming and sweet so he can easily win over most , but those cold - blooded enough find it easy to take advantage of him and his generosity .

once you earn his trust , cooper while fight tooth and nail for you . he’s fiercely loyal , catch him throwing hands at anyone who tries to mess with his friends .

he’s also a major gentleman . manners were ingrained in him from the start , so he’ll open doors for strangers , text you to make sure you got home safe , and offer help with anything you need .

this isn’t a major thing , but i wanted to include it , but he’s a really great conversationalist . he’s just so curious , so he listens really well , and is so intelligent and well - thought that any conversation can twist into some deep , philosophical exchange if you’re not careful with him .

oh and — his look is current austin : the short , dark brown hair — v elvis of him . he had the original long , blond hair for a good few years but cut it shortly after rehab for a “ fresh start ” or some bullshit .

*  /  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺  :

i truly want anything and everything plot wise for coop . i’m down to brainstorm , fill wanted connections , and / or work off of chemistry ! but i’ll list a few ideas that come to mind rn :

first nyc friends . he’s been here since 2015 and sorta bounced all over the place . i would love a roomie from back in the day in coop’s old , run down apartment , some og party buddies ?

exes ! he’s openly pansexual , so this is open to any . please break his heart ( sir sly has a song about a cheating ex soo 👀  )

friends with benefits , random hookups . drunken one night stands !

writing partners ? cooper writes all of his own music and also writes for other artists .

bromances . partners in crime . brother / sister friendship !

neighbours ?? cooper lives on his own in a really beautiful loft apartment , but i’d love a neighbour in the building or something !

flirtationship or cute crush !!!

[superchartisland]

Super Mario All Stars (Nintendo, SNES, 1993)

Any overall roadmap for this project (and my brother’s related predecessor) is very lightly sketched, but this is a useful point to reflect on it. We grew up playing Dizzy games; part of what we’re doing is trying to reclaim video game history as we and many other Brits lived it, to demonstrate how the American-led received wisdom is a rewriting of the record. All of my research suggests that we were in the majority there -- in the UK the NES didn’t get a look in, and we’re not going to properly encounter the Game Boy until it’s a decade old.

Even this first Nintendo direct encounter is somewhat of a guess. Super Mario All Stars was a documented best-seller for the SNES, but in an absence of evidence I don’t know for sure that it was big enough to be an overall UK #1. I remember hearing about it a lot at the time, and by then the SNES had had a chance to build an audience, but remember that this blog covers games which were a #1 but not necessarily always the #1. Yet at the same time as I refute the story that Nintendo swept in to replace a dying industry -- neither happened like that in the UK -- we’re pretty keen on many things Nintendo. I have a NES Classic Mini, SNES Classic Mini and a Famicom Classic Mini sitting under my TV: loving recreations of consoles which I never owned.

In the internet era, this kind of adoption of history is probably more common. When I wrote the first version of this post I had recently watched the period piece music video for Satellite Young’s “Don’t Graduate, Senpai!” and was overwhelmed with contented nostalgic feelings, left with the power of a glimpse into a familiar and loved past. All that despite the fact I’ve hardly ever listened to the Japanese genre that it takes after, City Pop, or watched shoujo anime, and never when I was growing up. The person who it is precision targeting isn’t me. But it needn't be. There can be a feeling that is just as real, but second hand, a gravity exerted on adjacent culture that was invisible until something made me look over and notice its force.

There are lots of ways that the influences on the song and video reached me. My partner did grow up with a lot of Japanese pop culture in Hong Kong, and talking with her about that and having watched a couple of episodes of Creamy Mami means having a feel for her fond memories. I have years of happily browsing tumblr gifsets of Sailor Moon, absorbing love for it and its place in culture. I can still get good use from a “but you didn’t do anything!” meme even if I’ve never actually watched the show. I’ve listened to 80s referencing music elsewhere, and modern Japanese music taking cues from City Pop, and that has added up to giving the sounds of the song a similar personal gravity.

And all of that has been made easier by the world getting smaller, by the internet giving providing an easy route to interests you share with people elsewhere in the world and from there to interests they share that you don’t. Look at it negatively, and it means a winning narrative can travel faster and become more comprehensive than ever, reaching into places where it doesn’t belong. But at the same time, it gives us a Japanese band and some Swedish animators uniting in their shared nostalgia, and it reaching out to me through next door culture which I’ve taken in via friends from all round the world, and me having feelings shared with those friends. That’s an amazing thing.

In common with most people I knew, we didn’t have the internet when Super Mario All Stars came out, and the world was still huge. Nintendo had other tools to work with, though. Their games were successful enough to reach out and have an outsized cultural impact beyond the limits of people actually playing them. 

When I started primary school, before football stickers, there was a craze for Nintendo sticker books, and friends and I collected images of all of their games. People tried to negotiate enhanced swaps for stickers of Game Boy screenshots by maintaining that they were gold stickers, even more valuable than the special silver ones. I knew more about the characters and background for Mario through Saturday morning cartoons, and I remember watching American TV programmes where people competed through playing Super Mario Bros. levels. I assume it made it to the UK’s own Gamesmaster at some point too. And of course, many of the European games we were playing took their own influence from Nintendo. I may have been unaware of Metroid until years later, but hours spent playing Turrican still gave my first impressions of it that nostalgic gravity.

Mario was Nintendo’s most successful reach out to the wider culture, and that wider culture drove people back to Mario’s original form. That could work better for Nintendo if Mario games were easier to access, and so we get Super Mario All Stars. What to do when moving on from the NES to the SNES? Reissue, repackage, re-evaluate the games! Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, and Super Mario Bros. 3, now brought together in one place. With an extra track, no less, in the form of Japan’s very different Super Mario Bros. 2, new to the rest of the world and hence called The Lost Levels. From 2019 the very idea of levels being lost feels faintly absurd – someone will dig it out in a mod, or you can just log onto your alternate Japanese online console account, surely? I guess a handful of British people probably did own imported Famicoms even in 1993, but everyone else got their cross-fertilisation of culture mediated by Nintendo’s eccentric international release schedule. 

Super Mario All Stars presents each game in its entirety, complete with newly upgraded graphics. Yet, in some way, the games seem to shrink in the transition. The act of selecting a game to play from a menu, turning them into pinned specimens labelled by year, emphasises the overall history and starts you off with a reminder that each world is only a part of a newly defined whole. Maybe that's why there is no Super Mario All Stars on the SNES Classic Mini, an assessment that the bird-inside-a-bird effect of featuring a retro collection on a retro collection would be that bit too spookily recursive. 

And that idea of recursion is where the realisation struck me as I played Super Mario All Stars. It wasn't the first version of Mario I played, (it was the first Super Mario Bros. 3 that I ever played, though, the briefest of enchanting glimpses). But it feels absolutely right as my version of these games, even for Super Mario Bros. 2 where I'm pretty sure I'd never played this version before. The very sense of diminished scale, the way that All Stars exists as a Mario game aware that not only each individual game, but the games as a whole, are but a small part of the Mario out there in the world, feels totally fitting. The feeling runs through everything. The upscaled renditions of the music which expand on it but nonetheless can't escape how iconic the basic originals were. The decision to put Super Mario Bros.’ underwater waltz on the title screen with the new confidence that duh, it rules. The little portraits of what to expect that have been added to the start of each level, not spoilers but cute reminders. This is a Mario for the late to the party, an artefact of the games' immense second hand cultural gravity, reflected back into the games themselves. It's a sign of so much to come.

In reflection of it being the first time these games have come up on my route through history, here are miniature entries for each of the four games on Super Mario All Stars, pinned to one place:

Super Mario Bros.

It’s all about the movement. Specifically, the jump, the balletic means of progression which sits at the tempting boundary of predictability and control. It is not the only game jump, it was not the first game jump, but it is somehow still the Jump. When you press the jump button the moment stretches in time, a repeated joy that resounds slightly differently from Jump to Jump. Sometimes the Jump is relaxed, sometimes the Jump is tense, sometimes the Jump is a celebration of achievement. Gravity and momentum make their claim on you, and you must not reject them or bow to them, but turn towards them, take their hands, and dance. Only when you are the lead in the dance can it proceed in its full majesty. All of the subtle design, killer music and cleverly revealed secrets play their part too, of course. The richness of the world, day and night, water and dungeon, clouds and green groundclouds, isn’t to be underestimated. The dance wouldn’t be as kaleidoscopically beautiful without all of that. Fireworks might not always be necessary, but they are still fireworks. And yet it is the dance of the Jump that gives meaning to it all.

The Lost Levels

It’s common in games for many a character or object to be accompanied by its inverse, its mirror, its shadow. Maybe it’s a product of how games are made, were made, of the commonality of repetition and the short distance from repetition to repetition with a twist. Super Mario Bros. 2 (“The Lost Levels”) introduces one such shadow as almost its first move with the poison mushroom, power-up turned to power-down. It takes that to a whole new level with the negative warp zones: welcome to warp zone, now a trick on you. The whole game, in fact, is a cruel mirror held up to Super Mario Bros., a reflection that looks right but doesn’t wave back. Much of its cruelty comes from luring players into familiar actions and then turning them back against them. This game is a dance too, but it’s one where the floor is trying to throw you off, where the steps and flow that you have learned are not only impossible to use but will quicken your downfall. But for some people who already know the dance back to front, perhaps trying to freestyle your way through some spiky math-rock is an enjoyable next step.

Super Mario Bros. 2

It’s common in games for many a character or object to be accompanied by its inverse, its mirror, its shadow. Maybe it’s a product of how games are made, were made, of the commonality of repetition and the short distance from repetition to repetition with a twist. Super Mario Bros. 2 (“Super Mario Bros. USA”) is the Waluigi of early Mario games, a mirror of a mirror. It doesn’t focus on the shadows of objects and characters, though, but whole shadow worlds. Pick up a magical potion and you can open a door anywhere, take a subtle knife to the fabric of the universe, walk through the doorway and find yourself literally in shadow. Even outside of that mechanic, there are doors everywhere, and each one could go anywhere. This is the world of the subconsciousness, where possibilities extend to such things as a playable princess and gliding across the world on a gravity-resistant egg. Super Mario Bros. 2 is barely even a Mario game, and handles more awkwardly than one. Yet among all of its doors, it opens one to one of the series’s futures, platforming which is first and foremost a series of puzzles and doors to unlock.

Super Mario Bros. 3

This is the game where Mario learns to fly, tail flapping, on unseen wires in front of platforms casting shadows on a sky painted on sheets. The game is a show, and it’s some production. It has a cast of thousands and is the introduction point for almost as many iconic series images as the original. Its brilliance as sequel and as theatre is in taking the solid and dependable gameplay and mechanics of the original and using those as building blocks, the platforms of its stageset, then rearranging them. Each world rejigs and relights them and makes them interact with new props and characters for a set of dramatically different scenes. Water levels go from brief distractions to an entire world; the desert and an idyllic grassland emerge; World 7 turns off all of the lights to interact with the bare mechanics of pipes. The transitions between levels feel like curtains down and a chance to move things round. And then occasionally it breaks all the underlying rules and throws you into giant world or climbs up through the clouds, and there is nothing to do but laugh in delight. This is the game where Mario learns to fly. 

SNES chart, Edge 004, January 1994

[javocjovian]

The Road So Far...

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Sarasaurussex’s Masterlist

• Bingos • Bangs • Holiday Events • Other Works • Art

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Bingos:

2019

A Supernatural Menagerie A collection of short smutty Supernatural stories! Mostly for Kink and ABO Bingo, plus a few requests. | Chapter | Title - Ship , Kink/Tag/Prompt | ʟɪɴᴋs | Ch 1 | Dress for Success - Destiel, Clothing Sharing | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 2 | Work, Work, Work - Sabriel, Rimming  | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 3 | Bondage Therapy - Wincest, Bondage | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 4 | Fully Loaded - Sabriel, Breeding Kink (non-ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 5 | Two Feet Under - Sastiel, Footfetish/Breathplay | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 6 | Blood and Flesh, Mind and Soul - Mooseley (Sam x Crowley), Coming Untouched | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 7 | Sensory Overload - Sastiel, Scent Kink | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 8 | How To Make Sammy Sleep - Wincest, Domestic Kink | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 9 | Two Veils To Hide My Face - Wincest, Scent Marking (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 10 | Wet Dreams May Cum - Debriel, Sleeping/First Times | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 11 | Getting To Know You - Sketch (Sam x Ketch), Friends to Lovers/Face Fucking | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 12 | An Angel and Demon In Us All - Meg!Sam x Castiel | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 13 | Exorcising Those Demons - Balthazar x Rowena, Fake Relationships | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 14 | Heaven and Hell - Megstiel, Squirting | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 15 | The Trap - Destiel, sub!Dean/Sex Pollen | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 16 | Ride ‘Em Cowboy - Destiel, Sexuality Crisis | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 17 | Ramble On - Destiel, Oral | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 18 | How To Train Your Demon - Dain (Dean x Cain), Caning | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 19 | Natural Born Leader - Calthazar, Societal Role Reversal (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 20 | Whiskey and Spice - Dean x Ketch, Tattoos/Accidental Scent Bond (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 21 | You’re Mine - Wincest (Demon!Dean x Boyking!Sam), Teasing | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 22 | Blueberry Pie - Wincest, Restraints (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 23 | Down Boy - Wincest, Petplay | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 24  | It’s A Farcical Life - Sabriel, Sam Wesson | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 25 | Table Manners - Wincest, Voyeurism (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 26 | Saving Grace - Castiel/Michael/Lucifer | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 27 | First Blood - Demon!Dean x Boyking!Sam, Bloodplay (Freespace) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 28 | BONUS | Dress For Success with Art by Purgatory-Jar! | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 |

A Close Shave | tumblr | AO3 | Square: Orgasm Denial Ship: Michael!Dean x Sam, implied Wincest Rating: E Word Count: 5,803 Tags: Orgasm Denial, Forced Orgasm, Aphrodisiacs, Multiple Orgasms, Edging, Teasing, Denial, Oral, Anal, Bondage Summary: Michael!Dean returns to his prisoner and has some fun. Part I not necessary.

Wherever I May Roam | tumblr | AO3 | Square: Roleplay Ship: Destiel, Cockles, Dean Winchester x Misha Collins Rating: E Word Count: 11,432 Tags: Angst, Hurt, Comfort, Heartbreak, Idiots to Lovers, Relationships, Emotional Sex, Realism, Condoms and Lube, Caught in the Act, Jensen & Misha & Dean & Castiel, Jared & Sam, Rejection, Arguments, First Time sex, Happy Ending, Fluff Summary: Sam and Dean get sent to another TV Land that’s slightly different than the last. In this version, Jensen and Misha are dating. Can Dean keep it together long enough to be rescued and avoid ruining his precariously platonic relationship with Castiel? (cue Sam laughing in the background)

Show Me Your Moves - sequel in progress | tumblr | AO3 | Square Filled: Neighbors Ship: Destiel (18yo!Dean x hunter!Castiel) Rating: E Word Count: 12,436 Tags: Top Cas/Bottom Dean, technically legal, age gap, enthusiastic consent, porn with plot, hand jobs, blowjobs, rimming, anal, fun positions, coming too early, multiple orgasms, cum licking, mentions of masturbation, lots of lube usage, horny teen Dean, mentions of abusive John, angst, apologies, Castiel is bad at talking, protective lil Sam, after-care, comfort, fluff Summary: While on a hunt, Castiel the slightly-OCD hunter keeps running into a cocky, sarcastic, drop-dead gorgeous eighteen-year-old named Dean Winchester. Turns out the kid is pretty good at punching ghouls, eating all of Castiel’s food, and getting dirty ;D Also appearing:sassy teen Sam (who volunteers at an animal shelter), Ellen and Jo, and a bunch of dogs. Mentions of John, Mary, Bobby, and Castiel’s angel family. 

| SPN Kink Bingo Masterlist (ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ) | SPN ABO Bingo Masterlist (ɪɴ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴇss) |

Bangs:

2019

Catch the Wind - Wincest Big Bang 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | WBB post | Ship: Teencest, Wincest, Wincestiel (at the end) Rating: E Word Count: 21,521 Tags: Flashbacks, Timetravel, Action, Angst,  Hurt/Comort, John Winchester, OC villain, Choices, the Butterfly effect, Changing the past, Wound Care, Making out, Don’t wake dad, Guilt, Healing Sex, Threesome Warnings: Teenaged Wincest (Sam16, Dean20), canon level gore/violence, emotional parental abuse Summary:  When a rogue angel Castiel once spared begins murdering angels on the West Coast, Sam and Dean help Castiel hunt the angel down once and for all. Along the way they find themselves in a place, they stayed in as teenagers. It brings back memories of Sam’s 16th birthday when he was being hunted by a delusional friend of John’s who was determined to stop the next King of Hell. Unbeknownst to Sam, Dean, or Castiel, the past and present are inexplicably intertwined, and sparing the angel in the past has unfathomable consequences for Sam and Dean’s future. Fate, chance, and redemption must all be confronted for the trio to move on.

Lost and Found - Supernatural Trope Celebration 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | STC post | Ship: Sastiel Rating: M Word Count: 12522 Tropes: Amnesia/Memory Loss, Reverse Sex Pollen, Deathbed Confessions Warnings: Mental Heath Issues, Mention of Suicide, AKF Summary: When Sam starts acting strange, Dean’s faith in his brother comes undone, and after a bad fight causes Sam to leave the bunker for good it seems impossible they’ll ever be able to reconcile. But Castiel suspects something more is going on. He finds Sam, only to discover his worst fear: Sam is not himself, and it might be too late to save him. Castiel enlists Rowena to help solve the mystery of Sam’s condition, cure him, and reunite the Winchesters.

Red and Gold - SPN Canon Big Bang 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | CBB post | Ship: Sabriel , Crowbriel (GabrielxCrowley), Crowsabriel (SamxGabrielxCrowley), background Destiel Rating: E Wordcount: 25,906 Warnings: Dub-con Summary: Back from the dead and acting strange, Gabriel finds himself in debt to Crowley. In order to free himself he must fulfill a contract by spying on the Winchesters, who are trying to shut the Gates of Hell. But after Sam catches Gabriel spying on him in the shower (naturally), the contract is voided and Gabriel finds himself enslaved to Crowley as payment. Sam figures out Gabriel’s deal with the devil and tries to help, but ends up caught up in it himself. Eventually, Sam and Crowley discover the cause of Gabriel’s strange behavior, and the unlikely trio of heroes and villains come together to save their favorite feathered frenemy from an even greater threat.

Black Mountain Side - Team Free Will Big Bang 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | TFW post | Ship: Wincestiel, Wincest Rating: E Wordcount: 7,792 Summary: Castiel gets injured on a hunt, causing tension between himself and Dean. Sam is forced to play mediator, but even he can’t predict how the night unravels. Held up in a shack in the mountains, the trio discovers how far they’ll go for each other.

Holiday Events:

2019

Chill Me, Thrill Me: A Supernatural Halloween Story Supernatural Trope Celebration (Halloween Edition) | tumblr | AO3 | Rating: T Trope: For Halloween, I’m Going as Myself Tags: Halloween Party, Costumes, Mystery, Monsters, Hunting, minor Sam Winchester/OC, Making Out, Humor, Holidays Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester get invited to a party on Halloween night, but they have no idea what kind of tricks and treats are in store for them.

What Really Matters Galentine’s Day Fic for @mrswhozeewhatsis​ | tumblr | AO3 | Ship: Castiel x Dean x Reader Rating: E Tags: Grace Healing, BAMF Castiel, Vulnerable Dean, Protective Dean and Cas, Bunker sex, Threesome, Dean in the middle, Sub Dean, Top Castiel, Power-Bottom Reader, Humor, Fluff, Smut Summery: Dean blames himself when you get injured in a fight. Luckily, you and Castiel know just how to bring him around.

2018

A Very Supernatural Christmas Party | AO3 | Ship: Destiel, Sabriel, mild Crowlthazar Tags: Christmas Smut, Destiel Angst (with a Happy Ending), Humor, Pranks Rating: E Summery: Gabriel and Castiel need dates to Metaron’s annual Christmas party. 

Secret Santa Illustrated Fic | AO3 | Rating: G Summery: Crowley comes across a certain celebrity soul in Hell. Written for a fan.

Guess Who’s Coming to Thanksgiving Dinner | AO3 | Rating: G Summery: Sam, Dean, and the gang hit a roadblock on their way to Jody’s for Thanksgiving

Other Works:

Wet Dreams May Cum Debriel Creations Challenge @debrielcc​ | tumblr | AO3 | February Theme: First Times My Prompt: Sleep/Sleeping Ship: Debriel (Dean/Gabriel, Dean/Gabriel/Dream-Gabriel) Rating: E Tags: Somnophilia, masturbation, wet dreams, embarrassment, first time anal (Dean), hand jobs, prostate milking, wings, consensual, mild pain enjoyment, grace sex, grace bondage, induced sleep, bondage via induced sleep, soul fucking, dream control, dream sex, mind-reading, time-loop Summary: Dean has a wet dream about Gabriel, so Gabriel turns it into reality.

The Angel Who Would Be Human | AO3 | Ship: Gabrizar (Balthazar x Gabriel) Kinks: Shower Sex, Bath Sex, Blow Jobs, Sass Rating: E Summery: Balthazar becomes human for a week. Gabriel give shim a place to stay.

It’s Not Gay If You Don’t Hold Hands | AO3 | Ship: Mooseley, Destiel Kinks: So many. Crowley addicted to Sam’s blood, BDSM, Bondage, Shibari Rope, Cock Cages, Destiel Angst, Wing Kink Rating: E Summery: Set in an alternate universe following the conclusion of Season 9, Sam finds Crowley before he joins up with a newly awakened demon!Dean, and Castiel finds Dean before he can run off on his own.  Note: This is my most popular SPN Fic from a few years ago, it’s an unfinished RP

Supernatural x Marvel Mini Bang | AO3 | Rating: T Summery: Mobster AU Crossover featuring the Family Business (Supernatural), the Avengers Assembly (the Avengers/Spiderman), and the L.A. Guardians (Guardians of the Galaxy). Also, Deadpool shows up uninvited.

»»———————————-　♛　———————————-««

Art:

Withheld - DeanCas Reverse Bang Art Withheld - DeanCas Reverse Bang Master Post

I’ll Always Be There - Wincest Reverse Art I’ll Always Be There - Wincest Reverse Master Post

Snowbound - Wincest Reverse Art Snowbound - Wincest Reverse Master Post

The Good, the Bad and the Fluffy - Wincest Reverse Art The Good, the Bad and the Fluffy - Wincest Reverse Master Post

»»——————————————-　♛　——————————————-««

[gimmetheheadcanons]

don’t sit down, he’s moved your chair (1/3)

A/N: First Bonkai and barely edited so be gentle. Inspired by a funny post I saw on tumblr about purposefully hiring a nightmare Thanksgiving guest.

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Break a mirror//Roll the dice//Run with scissors through a chip and fryer fight//Go into business with a grizzly bear//But just don’t sit down ‘cause I’ve moved your chair. ----Arctic Monkeys//Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair 

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1.     The Deal. 

“You won't believe what bomb my grams decided to drop on me three frickin’ days before Thanksgiving Elena!”

“Was it - now my child, you are getting too old to sit on my lap.”

The voice Bonnie Bennett found on the other side was unsympathetic and unmistakably male. She had been lazily pushing her shopping cart through the narrow aisles of a busy grocery store when Mr. Not-Elena’s surprise impersonation of her grandmother brought her to a sudden halt. Cue the chorus of irritated tongue clicks, a barrage of choice curses (all very colorful) and echoing groans from the shoppers behind her.

Bonnie ignored them all. 

Yeah yeah, we hear you, she thought as a train of angry customers and their carts passed her by, but only after an exchange of death glares as a final parting gift. No one wanted to be here running last minute Turkey Day errands. Least of all Bonnie. But she’d been bulldozed by her grandma and in no mood to be so agreeable again.

What a sham of a holiday. 

When she was done redirecting traffic with her free hand, Bonnie turned to the man on the other line – the one inexplicably answering her best friend’s cell. Feeling even less festive than she did a moment ago she made her demand for answers.    

“Who is this?” She snapped.

The stranger simply chuckled in return.

“I mean it pal.”

 “Pal?”

 Another mocking laugh.

 “They're your minutes.” The stranger declared before lowering his tone to be more sultry. Another borrowed voice, this time a phone sex line operator with the intention to seduce Bonnie.

 “Who'd you want me to be?”  

 Of course. The theatrics should’ve given it away, but then again ‘obvious’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘less infuriating’.

 Bonnie rolled her eyes as she figured out which idiot it was she was dealing with.

 “Oh God. Damon.”

 “Ding ding, well done.”

 Who else would take such delight in rubbing salt into her wound.

 “Aren't you too dumped to be answering your ex's phone like this?”

 “Eh we're trying the whole friend thing.” Damon Salvatore finally responded and in his own voice, flippant and full of trouble.

 Bonnie shook her head as she always did when confronted by Damon and Elena’s drama.

“And?” She asked but stopping short of adding the intended (and wholly judgemental) final part of that sentence: What else is new.

“It sucks. Massively.” Damon whined, and it was Bonnie’s turn to chuckle at his misery.

 It took her a while to warm to the man her childhood friend made the monumental mistake of getting romantically involved with. But Bonnie finally did and now cared enough to make a mental note to schedule another intervention for him once the holidays were over.

 The break up couldn’t have come soon enough and Damon just needed to hear that.  

 Still, it must’ve hurt like hell.

 “Tell me about it.” Bonnie said with a little more kindness. She too was recovering from the end of a rough relationship. There was somewhat of an odd camaraderie developing between her and Damon Salvatore and perhaps that was the reason for it – bonding over the shared humiliation of being jilted by a Gilbert.

 Except Bonnie was sure she’d gotten the short end of the stick. Her Gilbert, sweet baby brother Jeremy Gilbert, turned out to be a cheat. Damon, on the other hand, was far more culpable than Bonnie when it came to his heartbreak.  

  “You should hang up. Before she sees you.”

“Sees me doing what? What’s a little chinwag between pals?”

 With no longer a mystery to distract her, Bonnie resumed her shopping. Departing from her grandmother’s grocery list, she almost swept clean an entire shelf of sugary snacks.

Straight into the cart you all go.

 Necessary reinforcements, something to get her through the misery of the next few days.

 “Honestly you’re acting a little paranoid Bon Bon. What’s wrong?” Damon said, further insisting his innocence with an artificial sweetness that even Bonnie, with all her cravings, found a little too sickly.

 “So, we're just gonna pretend you weren't snooping around in her mail box? See who Elena's texting now you're supposedly done done.”

 “Ha! Trick question. She isn't texting anyone...not anymore anyway.”

 “Damon! You ca-”

“One second, got a quick text I need to send.”

 Cut off mid-speech Bonnie could still hear Damon in the background reading aloud the messages he typed out on his ill-gotten device. She’d been forcibly made party to this unethical intrusion into Elena Gilbert’s personal life.

 Great. More relationship awkwardness on the horizon.

  “New phone who dis…question mark. Send. Block. New phone who dis…question mark. Send. Block.”

 Growing impatient with his behavior, Bonnie tried to get Damon’s attention by calling out his name and a couple important facts about boundaries – all of which his disturbing ass chose to ignore.

 “Aaand send. Aaand block. Okay done now.”

 Damon was back.

 “Damon what di – ”

 “Hey, call me back on mine?”

 And just as suddenly, Damon was gone.

 -----------   Bonnie had been shopping for about fifteen minutes when phone rang. It had been a strangely peaceful fifteen minutes, the chaos all around the store provided the perfect backdrop for some pensive sulking. Deep in thought yet frustratingly unable to formulate a plan to get out of Thanksgiving dinner this year, moping was all Bonnie had and she was prepared not to have it interrupted by Damon Salvatore.

 Pressing to reject had bought another fifteen minutes of peace and Bonnie accomplished plenty with that time. Groceries had been paid for, then bagged, and placed in her Prius. She still no plan but the self-pity had begun to wane enough for her to want to pick up should the phone ring again.

 It did, whilst she was on route to return her now empty cart, and this time she answered.

 “Damon?”

Silence on the other end.

Bonnie cursed the pettiness of the man she could clearly hear breathing.

 “Damn it Damon. Hello?”

 When Damon eventually answered, Bonnie had her finger on the end call button and her car keys in her hand. The sun hadn’t set yet, but the temperature dropped significantly since she’d first gotten to the store. She watched as a wave of new arrivals fought over parking spaces, the escalating drama made it impossible for other drivers to leave further exacerbating the situation. By the carts, under a flimsily built shelter, Bonnie hugged her body against the November cold and decided to wait it out.

 “So bombs huh?” Damon asked, he sounded a little out of breath. He was somewhere outside too. Out walking. Bonnie couldn’t help speculating as to why he’d suddenly decided to brave the fierce frost.  

 “Where’s Elena?”

 “Oh I don't know Bonnie!” She could hear him shiver before he spoke and imagined his lips turn a biting shade of blue to match his eyes. Icicles hanging from his black hair and that stupid leather jacket, like something out of a Saturday morning cartoon.  

 “I'm not her babysitter. Didn’t you get the memo – we’re finished.”

 Bonnie scoffed before placing the phone in between her shoulder and ear to free up her freezing hands. She then pushed them into the warm pockets of her long, red winter coat and there felt around for a pair of thick gloves.

  In the end, she was only able to fish out one.

 “Fine,” said Damon, misconstruing Bonnie’s silence as directed at him disapproval. “If I had to guess I’d say…out looking for her phone.”

“Oh my God, move on Damon!”

“This is not normal behaviour!”

 She hadn’t intended on yelling so angrily that her phone nearly dropped to the ground, but Bonnie was furious. She’d just bought those gloves yesterday to match her knitted beanie, how could one be gone already?

  “Oh shush. It's perfectly Ross and Rachel, trust me. We're gonna get back together. Maybe. Probably.”

The battle for parking continued to wage on, as did the icy wind and Bonnie needed better shelter at least until one of those things passed. Defeated, she headed back to the store she’d thought she’d just escaped.

 “You know what Damon, the most disturbing part of that is you're probably right. But I got too much on plate for your drama so good luck to you both I guess.”

 Just inside by the entrance, Bonnie found a nice heating vent to camp next to. She flashed the large security guard at the door an awkward smile and pointed to her cell phone, pretending bad cell coverage was the real culprit behind her return.

 All she got in return was that menacing security guard scowl.

 Anxious to stay indoors, Bonnie found herself turn to the desperate act of pleading with her eyes; a survival tactic she picked up from orphaned pups in a kennel she volunteered at one summer back in high school. Every day there, she tried to adopt them all and every day she was told she couldn’t.

  “Helloooo Bonnieeeee?”

 She could hear Damon singing her name, off-key and right into her ear. Each time a little louder, little more annoying. But Bonnie couldn’t risk breaking eye contact with the guard. Her hazel eyes were beginning to sting, her face ached from the unnatural width of her smile; it growing increasingly more manic and pained.

 No one loitering here. Nothing to see sir, please move on.

 Strange as it was, it somehow worked. An incident came in over the intercom and the guard called to action. Bonnie could stay and not lose a limb to frostbite.  

 Thank God for Thanksgiving tantrums.

 “I’m still here Damon.”

 “Finally! So, what exactly did wily old Sheila do?”

 Crap, she’d almost forgotten it. The problem, still intractable and inching closer.

 “Oh nothing except invite my disaster deadbeat mom for Thanksgivings dinner. Three courses of sweet emotional manipulation followed by forced reconciliation over coffee.”

 “‘Tis the season I guess.”

 “‘Tis not fair is what it is.” Bonnie immediately howled back then felt ashamed closely after.

 Damon sounded a little more serious when he spoke next.

 “So…How many years has it been?”

 She sighed before taken a moment to do the math. Talking about the woman who birthed her then ditched her was always a sore subject for Bonnie.

 “Six and before that seven I think. She just showed up one night, stayed half a day and left before dinner. Pulled the same crappy move the time before that. Except, she brought me a stupid doll I guess.”

 “I was childish enough to think it was awesome.”

 The memory of that cheap doll flooded Bonnie’s insides with bitter rage. What she didn’t tell Damon was how she was pretty certain the doll was something Abby Bennett picked up at a gas station just outside of Mystic Falls. Bonnie figured that out last summer when she, Elena and their friend Caroline Forbes planned to take their college tour road trip. Except, she didn’t make it past Whitmore; somehow, even with all those miles between them, Abby managed to ruin that for her daughter too.

“Ouch. Sounds like mommy Bennett is gunning for the illustrious Lilly Salvatore Award for Monstrous Mothers and Their Tortured Offspring.

 “Ouch.” Bonnie said, meaning it. Damon didn’t often talk about his parents but oddly enough when he did it wasn’t with Elena. It was something Bonnie remembered her best friend call attention to night after night during the build up to the end of their doomed romance.

 He won’t let me in Bon. Each time, he either laughs or lashes out. How am I supposed to deal with that?

 As her friend poured out her heart, Bonnie poured herself another drink and kindly pretended she didn’t understand the appeal of shutting down, of keeping your loved ones out and precious sunny moments away from dark storm clouds of your past.

 “I don’t want to see her Damon.”

“So don't go. Problem solved.”

 “But I promised Grams. I didn’t mean to, but she worked her magic and somehow got to me.”

 “Then go and bail after you’ve had a mouthful of tasty bird.” Damon said making it sound all so easy.

 “But bailing isn't my thing. So…other options? Please.”

 “Fine, stay. All the way till pie, have said pie and chew slow. Very slow.”

 She was losing his sympathy, Bonnie could tell. Life was always easy for the Damon Salvatores of the world, consequences be damned. The only options were their way or their way but a little bumpier, littered with the bodies he had to mercilessly mow down.

 “I can’t stay either.” Bonnie admitted. Just the thought made her queasy. Being sat opposite Abby for an entire day, being made to bite her tongue or make empty conversation about God knows what. Swallow all that hurt then let it fester inside her for another six or seven years until it bubbled up to the surface at the most inconvenient of times.  

 No, Bonnie wouldn’t be able to stomach it.

 “Then we’re back to option a) Don't frickin’ go.”

 “But Grams -”

 “Well then that sounds like a you problem Bon. I gave you all your choices. Now pick one or call a friend.”

 “I thought I was calling a frie – hello? Damon? Hello?”

 A cold dial tone emitted from her cell. Damon’s voice was long gone, and Bonnie was left standing with one less thing to be thankful for on this crappy holiday – her so called friends.

 “Jerk. What did I even expect?” Bonnie found herself muttering, at first angrily and then louder.

 “Not meaningful advice. Oh no! Never from you Damon, you bloodsucking cold-eyed asshole!”

 With her call completed, her nemesis the store security guard reappeared ready to add to Bonnie’s misery and kick her outside to either face the mayhem or mace-like wind.

 “Ma’am, you’re not buying so I want you out of here.”

 “I’m going! Jeez, just give me a second.”

 “Sure, you were.” He snorted as he grabbed Bonnie by her arm and without warning began to steer her towards the exit. When she resisted the niceties were dropped.  

 “Out. Now.”

 Bonnie was about to give the unreasonable man a piece of her mind and teach him a thing or two about personal space when another person got there first.

 An onlooker, male, maybe college-aged and casually munching on a bag of what looked like pork rinds.

 “Hey man,” He called out to the security guard, his voice light and non-confrontational. “You wanna back off a little? Really wouldn’t wanna lose a hand.”

 The guard stopped long enough for Bonnie to free herself from his grip. He watched the guy with wary eyes as if trying to discern if an actual threat was being made. Bonnie understood the hesitation, there was something off about the way the words were delivered and yet on the surface Pork Rind Guy seemed only interested in consuming his gross snack. The relaxed grin he wore on his face, akin to that of an entertained moviegoer not a someone roaring for a throw down with a much larger man.

 Every so often, in between bites, he’d attempt to throw a piece in the air and catch it with his mouth but be left smacking his lips at air like a fish; each portion bouncing right off the short brown hairs on his head and onto the floor. There, he’d kick at them with the grim looking muddy sneakers he wore on his feet.

 He was a child, a man yes, but barely.

 A nuisance.

Bonnie could tell the guard decided the same thing and was ready to dismiss the interfering stranger as such when Pork Rind Guy opened his mouth to speak again.

 “Yeah…especially that one.” He said pointing at the guard’s left hand. “With it being so close to the holidays you’re gonna wanna keep the company.”

 Bonnie’s eyes widened.

 With a twinkle in his blue eyes and no regrets, Pork Rind Guy made a lewd gesture with his own left hand and laughed.

 It was a great laugh. Free and big. The kind of laugh you’d hear as you passed a playground. Yet, Bonnie felt embarrassed by it and everything else about him. The gesture included. It was immature, meant to grate on you and it made her cringe a little.

 The gesture had a different impact on the guard. His face flushed red with anger and Bonnie knew it was time to throw in the towel and just go.

 As she used the distraction to quietly slip away, she could hear the burly security guard bark at the younger man and Pork Rind Guy’s response made her smile a little.

 “You need to get out of my face son.”

“Could you like – not wave that so close to my face?”

 “Get out of here! Right now!”

 Bonnie glanced back just in time to see Pork Rind Guy throw her a wink. It came right after he’d finally succeeded in catching a pork rind with his mouth.

 How childish, Bonnie thought, shaking her head but this time smiling a lot.

 ----------------

 By the time Bonnie got close to her car, the traffic situation had died down considerably and she didn’t expect to be held up much longer; and yet, in typical Thanksgiving fashion, she’d been too hasty in giving thanks.

 “Hey.”

 Pork Rind Guy, materializing out of nowhere and coming in between her and her car.

 Startled, Bonnie frowned and looked around to see if they’d be joined by their old friend the security guard, finally able to do his job and provide said security.

 The question is, however, would she be needing it.

 Pork Rind Guy seemed oblivious to Bonnie’s alarm. His right arm reached deep into the jumbo bag of rinds he still cradled and not her throat like the parking lot assailant Bonnie worried he might be.

 If this encounter were going to turn into an NBC Dateline special then it’d have to wait whilst he hunted for crumbs.  

 When done, Pork Rind Guy cast aside the empty packet and finally addressed the perplexed person he’d delayed.

 “So I just wanted to tell you – before you go – there is always one other option. Bring a date. A human buffer.”

 It took Bonnie a full minute to gather her wits enough to follow what Pork Rind Guy was trying to tell her. She still didn’t understand how he managed to get away from the guard and out to the parking lot in time to catch her, why he did so and if he was a danger.

 Keys readied in her fist, Bonnie asked for an explanation.

 “Excuse me?”

 Pork Rind Guy smiled and again it was full of boyish charm.  

 “Someone to draw fire and guess what? I got the perfect shirt for that!”

 He puffed out his chest and pulled at the bottom of his t-shirt to straighten it out.

 “See?”

What Bonnie saw was a logo, right in the middle and against the blueish gray of the rest of his shirt. It was red and round, like a bullseye but probably belonged to a band she’d never heard of.  

 “Draw fire at dinner.” He repeated, and this time Bonnie understood.

 Pork Rind Guy was referring to her earlier conversation with Damon about Thanksgiving dinner with her mom.

 Bonnie felt a chill and it had nothing to do with the weather. Had their run in earlier been planned and if so why? She examined the parking lot for others and was relieved to find they weren’t alone. Several shoppers still close enough to call on if things got unsafe.

 Nothing about this guy felt right and Bonnie had heard enough. She snuck quick glance at the car sat behind him, her ticket out of this progressively creepy conversation. Good, Pork Rind Guy didn’t seem to be blocking the door. In fact, there was plenty of space behind him where Bonnie could pass him by and then get the hell out of there.  

 “Uhm thanks but I gotta go.”

 “Hey hey hey! Wait a minute.”

 In one quick motion, Pork Rind Guy positioned him directly against Bonnie’s door and successfully cut her off from her escape route.

 Bonnie braced herself for worse to follow, but was surprised to see him then, just as smoothly, step aside. Nothing about this guy felt right, Bonnie knew that and yet she didn’t get in her car and drive away.

 “What do you want?”

 His lips curled into a satisfied smile when she turned to face him.

 They were now stood a little too close for comfort. Bonnie could feel the hot air of his breath on her lips, see the goose bumps on the pale skin of his exposed neck and decided that’s where the sharp end of her keys would go if he took one more step towards her.

 But Pork Grind Guy didn’t. In fact, he fell back, held up his hands and apologized.

 “I'm sorry. That was weird right? Kinda? A little?”

 Bonnie didn’t respond, just watched him with narrowed eyes as he took it upon himself to tally up all the reasons why everything he’d done up until now was inappropriate.

 “No it's alright to admit it...that was weird. With me just showing up at your car like that.  Outta nowhere with all this information about a conversation we personally didn’t have. I know, I know. I’m an eavesdropper. I admit.”

 Another smile, brief and full of humor.

 “And then that proposition? Yikes! What even was that? No, no, no. No good. at all!”

 Bonnie relaxed a little but not enough to put away her car keys and retire her plans to go for the jugular.  

“Let's try again. Hi, my name is Kai. Well it’s actually Malachai but since I'm trying not to frighten you away with a name straight out of Necronomicon I think Kai will do just fine.”

 “By the way, have you seen that film? God, Bruce Campbell. What a guy right?”

 “Sorry, rude again. What's your name?”

  “Bonnie and I gotta head home now.”

 “I’m expected.” She quickly added, angrily wondering why she told him her real name. Was it because earlier, he was essentially asking for her home address and this was the lesser of two evils?

 Either way, she wouldn’t slip up again.

 “I need go home now Kai. It’s cold and I’m very tired.”

 Pork Rind Guy – no – Kai dropped his jaw when she said his name. It was exaggerated for effect, but she could see he was somehow flattered by the show of trust when she told him hers.

 “Bonnie.”

 He celebrated by repeating her name back to her, saying every letter with great purpose and pleasure.  

 “Nice to meet you Bonnie.”

 “Well Bonnie, it sounds to me like you were having a rough day. Got a bit of a situation at the home front huh?”

 “I wanna help with that.”

 Bonnie blinked as confusion set in once again.

“Excuse me.”

 “For the reasonable price of one home cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I, Kai Parker, will be your date.”

 “Eh yeah…No thanks.”  

 Bonnie felt a little relieved but also self-conscious, was Damon right, was this perfectly normal and she just not to used to guys hitting on her?

 “Oh no, you got it all wrong. I'll be your date. The one all girls sooner or later bring home to screw with their parents. I'll be the mistake.”

 Kai continued to explain, and Bonnie again found herself not walking away when she easily could have.

 “I've been told, on many occasions, that I'm every parent’s nightmare. Imagine, Grams drops a bomb and you Bonnie, drop a nuke.”

 Every parent’s nightmare, why did Bonnie have no trouble believing that. Kai was cute but on balance also a major creep with awful taste so no, of course most girls would have no interest in inviting him home to meet their families. End of November and he’s dressed like a stoner extra in a bad nineties high school movie. Faded t-shirt and long sleeves combo, three-quarter cargo pants and sneakers.

 In this weather.

 Who does that?

 Valid question Bon.

 “And why would I invite a perfect stranger into my home?” She asked him, for the first time saying more than four words. He must’ve noticed too, how her curiosity got the better of her because his face lit up like a Christmas tree. It was too soon for that crap, Bonnie thought, gripping her keys a little tighter.

 “Because that's the beauty of it! After Thanksgiving, I go back to being a perfect stranger. Who else can say that?”

 “No baggage.”

“No offense” Bonnie said flatly and with all the offense. “But that sounds like BS.”

 Kai appeared unfazed by her bluntness. As usual, the lack of warmth in her voice made him work only harder.    

 “If you ask me - which I know you're not but hear me out anyway – if you were asking me… what sounds like bullshit is having to spend Thanksgiving with a woman who gets to choose to walk in and out of your life at a moment's notice.”

“You should be able to the same Bonnie.”

 “That's what I think.”

 Bonnie inhaled deeply, thrown by the sudden sincerity with which he delivered that final line. She let a calculated stillness wash over her as she dealt with the sweltering emotion under the surface. She’d been affected by Kai’s words, the notion behind them appealing not to her but directly to the pain her small body had housed for all the years.

 “Pork rind?”

 Out of one of his pocket, Kai spontaneously produced a handful of the snack Bonnie saw him finish then offered it to her.  

 Bonnie’s eyes zeroed in on the lint particulars stuck to the grease of the rinds and declined.

 “I can see why you're so eager to worm your way to our dinner table.”

 Kai shrugged and stuffed the rinds back into his pocket. Eyes fixed firmly on hers, Bonnie knew there was another offer he was eager to see if she would accept.

 If not rinds Bonnie, how about retaliation?

  “What about your family? Won't they be expecting you?” She asked changing the subject.

 “Not if they changed the locks as they promised they would.”

 Again, Kai surprised her with his openness.  

 “Harsh.” Bonnie said yet not feeling the need to press Kai for any further details. In all her anger, she’d forgotten there were people out there who simply didn’t have families to spend Thanksgiving Day with.

 “Not everyone takes to my winning personality as you have.” Kai replied appearing to have sufficiently recovered from the solemnness of the moment.

Bonnie laughed and saw Kai’s entire face beam as if the sound of her laugh had been his goal all along.

 “Hold your horses buddy. I haven’t agreed to anything just yet.”  

“Sorry manners.” Kai said before he began to obsessively kick at the gravel and the dirt under his feet.

 “What is it now Kai? Dropped a pork rind?”

 Satisfied he’d made enough of a clearing, Kai Parker got down on one knee and held up a single pork rind in between his fingers like an engagement ring.

 Mortified, Bonnie’s face flushed at the sudden interest passing shoppers were beginning to show and the several prying looks being thrown their way.

  Kai cleared his throat.  

  “Bonnie, will you let me spend Thanksgiving Day with you and your family? I promise to be on my worst behaviour. Promise to shake your poor unsuspecting mother to core and show her the dangerous road her awful parenting choices may have led her beautiful baby girl.”

 A nod from her was enough of a signal for Kai to jump up to his feet and throw the absurd edible ring Bonnie refused over his shoulder; freeing up his hand for a more formal shake.  

 “Oh my bad.” He said only remembering to wipe the food grease from his palm and onto his pant leg after noticing the look of disgust on Bonnie’s face.

 That look didn’t change much when finally, clean enough to be once more presented to her, Kai simply held his hand up to his face and grinned.

 “Gotta make it legit right?” He told her before spitting straight onto his skin.

 “No backsies.”

One look at the wet hand in front her and Bonnie knew her instincts were right.

 Kai Parker was the worst.

 Yet any hesitation she may have grappled with since meeting him was gone at the mere prospect of her mother coming to a similar conclusion and doing so over a plate full of turkey at Grams’s house. With a grin of her own and a generous amount of spit, Bonnie Bennett shook on the deal; feeling for the first time all day, especially thankful for the perfectly awful Thanksgiving dinner to come.

[bambyeol]

This Band (p.7)

B.A.M SEQUEL now updating daily!

pairing/s: band! park jihoon x oc ; band! bae jinyoung x oc ; doctor! hwang minhyun x oc

character/s: park jihoon, park woojin, bae jinyoung, ong seongwoo, kim jaehwan, ha sungwoon, lai guanlin, kang daniel, yoon jisung, hwang minhyun

genre: angst, fluff, music (band)

summary: never date your band mate.

warning : a sequel so I’d appreciate it if you’ll read B.A.M first. though you can always live dangerously and read this immediately.

This Band (p.1) This Band (p.2) This Band (p.3) This Band (p.4)  This Band (p.5) This Band (p.6)  This Band (p.9)  This Band (p.10)  This Band (p.11)   This Band (p.12)  This Band (p.13) This Band (p.14)  This Band (p15) This Band (final)

B.A.M p1 // B.A.M p2 // B.A.M p3 // B.A.M final

wanna one masterlist

song inspiration: Don’t Want To Be An Idol by VIXX 

Because I’m an idol, because I’m a celebrity 

I can’t hold your hand when we walk ...

--

She switched on the television in the lounge room,  continuously coursing through the channels with little interest, a blank expression on her face as the sound from the television droned out.

She felt numb from the hospital gossip and the anonymous messages; the curious glances from the staff, and the not-so-subtle interrogation just to prove that it was a far-fetched idea that she dated Park Jihoon.

On the other side of the screen, Jihoon sat along with his co-stars finding it more and more unbearable to continue with the press-con.

The atmosphere in the said press-con reeked of tension. Everyone was waiting, second guessing on dropping the question, but no one took the chance. No one dared to ask. Instead, they threw watered down questions, the usual “Can you say something about the drama?” or “How was working with actor X”

When the host deemed that the reporters had asked enough, and formally closed the discussion, Jihoon decided to finally take the leap. He was busily observing throughout the press-con, segregating the veteran reporters from the neophytes.

He knew from his experiences that the new ones always had the guts to ask the unwanted questions.

“Really? Is that all? I think Miss Kim in the back wanted to ask one more question.” He smiled innocently as he pointed to the young woman with the name tag Kim who dressed a little too fashionably for that boring press-con.

“Ahh, uhm” she stuttered, flipping fastly on her notes and shuffled through the set questions until she finally found the unasked question. Miss Kim looked around only to find everyone’s eyes on her, a nonverbal cue to pressure her into asking.

“Can you give us a statement regarding the controversy about you and your former bandmate, Miss Bae Riseul?”

Everyone held their breaths in suspense. Jihoon grabbed the mic. “Sure.”

Immediately, all the reporters who initially feigned disinterest regarding the issue held onto their pens, opened the voice recorders and started scribbling for notes. The cameraman immediately zoomed to Jihoon.

“To put it simply, during our days as members of B.A.M, Rise-- Ms. Bae and I did have a relationship with each other,” Jihoon started and everyone nodded along.

“We dated for two years before we broke up. After the break up, we quit the band although it was Ms. Bae who quit first to pursue her studies. I quit 2 months later and pursued becoming an idol. During those years, we didn’t establish any contact with each other. In the recent B.A.M concert, it was pure coincidence we ran across each other. The hospital visitations weren’t meant for her at all. Earlier this year, I was involved in a car accident. I was advised to undergo therapy for my knees.” He explained calmly and perfectly just as how he had it in his mind.

“What we are now are nothing but friends. It may be hard to believe, but we have both grown as individuals and clearly understand the extent of our relationship.”

“But, what about --” another reporter chimed in, but before he could even deliver his question,

“The only reason I took this chance to explain everything about us is because everyone has gone overboard regarding the issue. The other party became harassed over misleading news up to the point where her own safety has been compromised that may have even caused serious injury or death.” His eyes spoke of uncontained anger.   

“Ms. Bae may have been my ex-girlfriend, but regardless of who she was once in my life, it’s unacceptable to threaten someone and even hurt someone. I would like to remind everyone that the law is there to punish you, and I am more than willing to assist in tracking whoever tried to harass Ms. Bae in any form. And to the reporters, I hope that you’re aware that publishing false news could call for legal actions against you. That’s all.” Jihoon rested the microphone on the table and bowed before leaving the hall to prevent the media from swarming him with questions.

He didn’t know if his statement would do more harm than good, but he wished that his boldness and honesty would at least charm a few.  Everything blew to his favor though when netizens and articles suddenly painted their relationship in a positive light, and Jihoon’s actions as chivalrous and admirable. Although some remained to criticize Riseul, he was comforted that everyone was starting to turn over.

Soon, everything would be over. ---

He stood by the hallway trying to blend in with the numerous patients queuing for their check-up. He saw her from afar, standing out amidst the pool of plain white and greys in that hospital. He would have been able to find her anywhere because his eyes always followed her every step. And he couldn't help but find a small smile on his face upon seeing that the woman he loves so much conquered her fears and achieved her dreams.

She neared him while walking along some of her fellow doctors and he waved. Riseul to his direction, confusion on her face. The last time they met, she lashed out at him with how he managed to turn her life upside down again. It was puzzling how he was back so soon.

"Jihoon-ssi, are you here for your therapy?" Jihoon felt the forced civilness in her voice and a smile reserved for acquaintances. They were just a meter apart but he still managed to feel that he was just a stranger to her life now.

“I came to say goodbye since I’ve completed the sessions for the therapy,”  he answered. No surprise landed on her face.  

“Are you okay? Are you still receiving emails or did any one try to hurt you?”

“It’s all good now. Thank you, Jihoon-ssi” she hugged the clipboard she carried.

“You don’t need to thank me. I dragged you into that mess, and I really don’t want to let you go through that again so I won’t bother you anymore. I know that you’ll be uncomfortable if we practice for the Reunion together so I’ll just reject it. I won’t perform. So please, attend the reunion of B.A.M and sing again,” he bowed.

"Don't bow to me. It's making me uncomfortable." Riseul replied as she gazed at Jihoon's figure. He retracted and she tried to meet his eyes before breaking it off. Jihoon still had that same gaze, resolute and unfazed.  She tugged the end of her sleeves, her fingers fidgeting... a habit coming from her nervousness.

"It was nice meeting you again...Riseul-ssi." and he walked past her as he headed towards the exit of the hospital. Five years he wondered how she was, but now he's relieved, so it should be okay even if the tears threatened to fall.

She was his first love and looking back to their past, he wanted her to be the last as well.

His phone vibrated as he exited the facility.

One text message received.

I’ll see you in B.A.M practice. Don’t be late.

-Bae Riseul

He raised his eyebrows before breaking into laughter. It seemed like she wasn't planning to let her hold on him wear off anytime soon.

--

notes: I am back from the dead known as tumblr lag. 

finished a jaehwan fic and will post it after completing this

currently working on BAM side stories concerning other characters and who they’ll end up with ;) 

[missanthropicprinciple]

Super-long rant-review post about Werewolf of London (1935) with images and spoilers...

I love Werewolf of London, this 83-year-old film. It’s got some problems typical of 1930s Hollywood, but I still find a lot of value in it. 

The setting, the moonlit hills of Tibet. Accuracy? not so much. 

Apparently the “Tibetans” are actually speaking Cantonese...and the white actors are clearly not speaking anything. 30 years before Star Wars and it honestly sounds like they’re speaking Ewok...but it’s just gibberish. I think the only realistic part of this scene is the fact that there actually are bactrian camels in Tibet. At least it’s quite well filmed. 

The sequence where Dr. Glendon (Henry Hull) is attacked by the werewolf is really eerie and holds up well.

The actual bite is so quick but if you screencap that second it’s creepy AF.

Despite the attack, Dr. Glendon gets his coveted “Mariphasa Lupina Lumina” flower (sadly, completely fictitious) and heads back to England.

In his lab, Dr. Glendon lives out his mad-scientist aesthetic surrounded by some high tech equipment. He even gets buzzed by his wife on what is basically an old-timey FaceTime device that lacks audio. Even though we know it’s superimposed footage it’s fairly seamless. 

Next we get a little portrait of a marriage. He’s working on an experiment with flowering and artificial light and his wife Lisa (Valerie Hobson) wants to know what the hell he’s up to. He’s secretive and she’s understandably annoyed. But she calls him “dear old bear” which is quite sweet but ironically hints at the animalistic transformation to follow. He says that after the experiment he will try to be more “human” but we know that ain’t gonna happen. 

Henry Hull’s accent. It needs its own paragraph. It’s not bad for someone from Louisville, Kentucky, and in fact sometimes it’s really amazing, but other moments it crosses your mind that the dialect coach was out sick that day of shooting. He enunciates very strongly. His jaws much have hurt him a bit. He’s fun to listen to though and you gotta give the guy credit because he doesn’t shy away from being über-Brit. 

Enter Lisa’s old childhood sweetheart Paul, played by the adorkable yet suave Lester Matthews. He and Lisa, whom he refers to as “Lee”, reminisce about their joint childhood exploits. 

Cue Dr. Glendon’s jealousy:

Understandably, Dr. Glendon is quietly dying inside because he hates all the socializing that comes with being a world-renowned botanist. Seeing another man making his wife smile does not help his mood.  

Lookit ‘em; holding hands for heaven’s sake. Aunt Ettie also likes to stir up trouble and add to Glendon’s jealously which isn’t very nice of her. 

Side note, Dr. Glendon has some tricked-out plants: 

Now we meet Dr. Yogami (Warner Oland).

Warner Oland, who was often cast as Asian characters because he “looked Asian”, was actually Swedish. (One would think that 80 years later this casting of white actors in non-white roles would have come to an end but we’re still dealing with this crap.) While Oland is a fairly good actor, he’s still NOT Asian and it would have been so much better if they had cast Sessue Hayakawa as Yogami as he was not only gorgeous but a better actor. 

However, Yogami is implied to be Chinese or Tibetan and Hayakawa is Japanese. Still, if the character was stated as Japanese it would have been perfect. Ironically, later on in the film Aunt Ettie keeps calling him Yokohama which is the second largest city in Japan. And I can’t find the surname Yogami anywhere. I can find Yagami and that’s a Japanese surname, not Chinese or Tibetan as far as I can tell. Oh, Old Hollywood and your stomach-churning whitewashing. 

Dr. Yogami says that they met before in Tibet...in the dark. He’s giving him a really big hint that he’s the one who bit him (...either that or he’s implying they met for an evening liaison). Dr. Glendon is trying to piece it together. 

Dr. Yogami says, “The medical term is ‘lycanthrophobia’.” WRONG. The medical term is lycanthropy, if being a werewolf was actually real. (The uncommon thing were people grow all the excess facial hair is hypertrichosis.) Clinical lycanthropy is a rare psychological condition that is linked to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and/or clinical depression. (More on that later.) 

Here’s a cap of Dr. Yogami intimately stroking Dr. Glendon’s injured arm while making hella awkward eye contact. As modern viewers we may or may not have a strong impulse to read this as somewhat sexual, or maybe as an identification of repressed homosexual desire. Lycanthropy in literature and film mythology has occasionally been used or identified as a metaphor for homosexuality. 

In a world where stabbing yourself with a plant gets rid of monthly hair growth. I’m curious to know why it looks like his stabbing it into a dorsal metacarpal vein and not the palmar (inside) side of wrist....medical side of Tumblr help me out here. Maybe they just wanted to feature the hairy hand. 

Dr. Yogami essentially asks Dr. Glendon for a blossom of the glow-in-the-dark flower to save his soul (and his fellow botanist as well), albeit in a cryptic way. He says “But remember this Dr. Glendon, the werewolf instinctively seeks to kill the thing it loves best.” Sadly, Dr. Glendon thinks he’s full of crap and ignores his warnings despite knowing that stabbing himself with this rare flower magically makes his moon-grown hand-hair disappear. Dumb or in denial? 

So of course Dr. Yogami steals not one, but two flowers. For two of the four nights of the full moon. Technically there is only one night of full moon at any given time but I’m going to give this a pass. Maybe during the time that the moon is still almost full, though waning, it still have the power to change man into the “satanic creature.”

Meanwhile, skeptical Dr. Glendon does a little lycanthropic research: 

Lisa drops by and asks him to join her and Paul at a society party but he pegs out or course, and then adds a jibe about not wanting to hear anymore childhood memories. Is the werewolf infection making him bitchy or is he just like that? Hard to tell. 

Lisa is hurt. But he says she should go out and enjoy herself. She tries to show him this brocade he bought her but he flips out when she turns on the lights. Presumably being a werewolf makes you sensitive to light. 

He responds with the “I put some medicine in my eyes” routine and they clearly don’t buy it. 

Seems fake, but ok. 

I feel like this is one of many allusions to depression in this film: sensitive to light, wanting to be alone, disliking small-talk and society parties, general introversion and distrust of others. We get a sense that he’s kind of this way anyway at the core of his personality but the werewolf contamination has made that all worse. 

Dr. Glendon may be a jerk but it’s hard not to feel sympathy for him. He really does love her. She’s still too annoyed to reciprocate. 

Even his cat’s pissed at him.

When animals start rejecting you, ya know you got problems. 

And lo, he thought, “oh shit.” 

The moonlight transformation sequence is quite simple by today’s standards of physical and special effects, but it’s still effective. Using the shadows to break up the footage isn’t fooling anyone, especially nowadays, yet it has a kind of fluidity that makes it oddly very evocative. 

A word about Jack Pierce’s makeup. Believe it or not it was originally going to look like this: 

Oink oink. Thank heavens someone talked Jack into a more minimalist look. Jack Pierce, known for his incredible work on films like Frankenstein (1931), The Mummy (1932), and The Wolf Man (1941), to name but a few, appears to have been a tad stubborn depending on the actor he worked with. He had a great relationship with Boris Karloff as far as I’m aware but the harmony working with Hull didn’t last long. There was a rumor going around that Hull was super vain and didn’t want the makeup to obscure his face. The truth of it was there are a couple scenes when Lisa and Paul both recognize him and if the werewolf makeup was applied too heavily, this part of the plot just wouldn’t work. Apparently Hull went over Pierce’s stubborn head straight to Carl Laemmle to fix the problem. The book Universal Horrors: The Studio’s Classic Films, 1931–1946 by Tom Weaver and John Brunas has more on this. (And in the Svengoolie intro to the film featured on ME TV.) The incident paid off because the final makeup was stellar. 

That awkward moment when someone steals your flowers: 

Suddenly filled with jealous rage...

...but wait lemme just put my hat and coat on first. If he does that when he’s full-on werewolf can you imagine how much time it takes for him to get ready normally? Diva. 

The obligatory party scene...

...with a comic interlude from Aunt Ettie who drunkenly says to “Dr. Yokohama” as she calls him, pointing to a dodgy district visible from her flat, that people there would “knife you for a shilling.” But then they hear the howl of a “lost soul” which is the chilling call of Dr. Glendon and it’s time to go inside. 

Drunk lady trope scene. No point in rescuing her she already made a fool out of herself but off they run: 

There is a ring of sadness to Aunt Ettie’s drunk scene because she says “she gets so nervous.” Hello social anxiety. She is a tad obnoxious as a character but this part makes her seem so much more sympathetic. 

“A-woooooooooooo!” 

Ok, that’s not a dog. 

Dr. Yogami is quaking in his spats at this point. 

Even though you know that this is Dr. Glendon, this remains creepy. Who hasn’t thought of a monster clawing their way into your bedroom late at night? They really milk the suspense in this scene. 

Lisa is offended by Dr. Yogami’s seemingly sexist and controlling behavior but in reality he’s trying to save her life. He knows that Dr. Glendon is on the loose and can probably smell her and will likely kill her. But she goes up to comfort her friend anyway. 

Cue the “you just had a bad dream” scene. For once Ettie isn’t full of hogwash. 

Poor Ettie. Seeing a werewolf will sober you up pretty quick. 

Mr. Hyde? Oh wait, wrong movie. 

Apparently all young women of a lower class looked like Hollywood starlets back then. Pretty stylish. 

This is why I don’t have a Tinder. 

Dr. Yogami executes an A+ facepalm. His wrist-leaning skills are classic. 10/10:

I mean, what did he think was going to happen? You can’t blackmail a guy who’s in denial about being a werewolf, it doesn’t work. But then, if he left one flower there you wouldn’t have a second act. 

Paul says that it might be a werewolf attack. He’s almost joking but he makes the suggestion anyway. His uncle, head of Scotland Yard no less (now that’s convenient) thinks this is ridiculous.

Meanwhile Dr. Glendon reads about how he accidentally murdered a woman last night: 

“You’re being utterly hateful, Wilfred.” She sees that he’s not happy and we all know that he’s past the point of no return. Someone has already died. His bitterness at her relationship with Paul is exacerbated by this revelation. But he doesn’t storm from the room or hurt her. He actually acts like an adult, says he’s sorry, and says that he will go out horseback riding with her after all. A lot of reviewers don’t like his character but I find him continually sympathetic. 

Again, it’s a realistic portrayal of a marriage. Dr. Glendon “forbids” his wife to go out on a midnight horseback ride with her ex. As sexist as his I’m-the-man-putting-my-foot-down-with-the-wife routine is, he has a couple genuine reasons for acting this way. He’s worried about her safety cause he knows the moon is gonna make him crazy and he could unintentionally kill her in a fit of jealous rage. And of course he’s ticked off that Lisa is galavanting around with another man. She in turn is appropriately angry with his controlling remarks without having good reason for his concern...plus she wants to prove a point that he’s not making enough time for her in their marriage. 

Mrs. Moncaster explains how decking her “dearest friend” Mrs. Whack was an appropriate action to take in the sake of business.

Dr. Glendon calls himself “Singularly single, madam. More single than I ever realised it was possible for a human being to be...” Which seems to evoke qualities of his situation and depression. He feels so isolated. 

He prays that this transformation won’t happen again but it does.

“If I ran the zoo I'd let all the animals go”  - Dr. Seuss. This is Glendon’s way of causing a distraction so that he can attack another woman but it’s also symbolic of him releasing his inner animalistic nature. 

Ya gotta appreciate the special effects: 

Dr. Yogmai hails from the University of Carpathia. Here to represent.....an institution that I’m fairly certain doesn’t exist. Unless they mean Vasyl Stefanyk Precarpathian National University but that wasn’t established until 1940. Still, he’s a professor of botany so that’s cool. Kind of like Professor Lupin. 

Presumably, Dr. Yogami goes to Paul because he’s well connected and he wants to prevent Dr. Glendon from doing anymore damage. 

A+ usage of the scary uplighting effect. 

Dr. Glendon instructs a servant to lock him in until sunrise. Oh the upper-classes and their odd demands.

Paul still loves her. Duh. She can’t reciprocate because she’s married. 

Those bars are toast.

Henry Hull does a great job of prowling with just the right balance between animal and man.

Now that’s a scream:

Paul to the rescue. 

Paul recognizes Dr. Glendon. (Thanks, Mr. Hull.)

Dr. Yogami’s rooms “smelled like a kennel" when they found the mutilated maid. Yuck. Did he pee all over the room? Not something anyone likes to think about for too long. Especially the head of Scotland Yard. Just look at his face. 

Paul digs through the trash and finds the discarded flowers. 

Maybe Paul should work for Scotland Yard instead of his uncle. 

Hey how was your trip? So, Hawkins (J.M. Kerrigan) doesn’t think it’s odd that Dr. Glendon is hiding from the police? Does he even know why? Did Glendon tell him “hey I’m a werewolf and I accidentally killed people?” or does Hawkins just give him a pass like “it’s his life and none of my business.”? Well, as the scene suggests, Hawkins clearly does not know because he’s confused by how important this damn flower is to Dr. G.

I have to say, I get this excited about my sweet peas every year so I totally identify with his reaction. #humor

How does he even get into the lab?! Dr. Glendon needs better security or just, ya know, locks.

Somehow Glendon doesn’t see Yogami tip-toeing down the steps. How bad does your peripheral vision have to be?!

"You brought this on me that night in Tibet!” (You don’t say.)

The problem with stealing a plant that only blooms as the moon emerges is that the werewolf might kill you mid-transformation. Exhibit A:

They were both doomed anyway. 

Dr. Glendon goes looking for Lisa. 

Lycanthropy makes Dr. Glendon strong. Those chintz curtains and flimsy doors are no match for him.

Paul also lacks clear peripheral vision, apparently. Funny how ya don’t see a werewolf perched above a door you’re about to go into.

With all that jumping off buildings, werewolves must be prime candidates for knee replacement surgery. 

More great uplighting to do justice to some remarkable makeup:

“It’s Lisa!”

Who the hell is Lisa?

Maybe he remembers at this point. Hard to tell. 

A regular bullet does the job. The myth that a werewolf can only be killed by a silver bullet most likely dates back to the legend of the Beast of Gévaudan, in which a humungous wolf is killed by a hunter named "Argent" which is Latin for silver, who uses a gun loaded with silver bullets. The filmmakers clearly don’t feel that this is a necessary part of this movie’s mythology. And in a way, this is a good decision because it makes the werewolf more pitiable and certainly less mythological. If a werewolf has most of the same vulnerabilities as a human, most of the same human rules of existence apply because werewolves are not semi-indestructible. It also just makes werewolves more human and more sympathetic. Werewolf!Glendon is basically afflicted with a kind of disease that could hypothetically be explained by medical science; he isn’t some mythological beast.

We can presume his soul is saved. “Thanks...thanks for the bullet. It was the only way. In a few moments now, I shall know why all of this had to be.” 

“Good-bye, Lisa. Lisa – good-bye...I’m sorry...I couldn’t have made you...happier...” 

(This is immediately followed by the sound of my heart breaking.) Seriously, this isn’t a guilt trip like he thinks Lisa is some overly-needy wife. He knows that he’s not always equip to give Lisa what she needs out of a relationship. He genuinely feels bad. It isn’t because of the lycanthropy, he was like this before, as a scientist. Did he have depression anyway? He might have. He really does love her and they have an understanding. This is probably some of the best acting in the film, the way that Hull delivers his lines and the look on Valerie Hobson’s face tells you so much. 

Thankfully, his death means that he is free of lycanthropy. 

The sun comes up. 

A plane is in the air, presumably Paul and Lisa are off to California. 

And then we get a nice transition into the Universal Studios plane. 

What a trip. Hope you enjoyed my rambling. Until next time. 

[anxietypidgeon]

Love, Simon. Before, After, and During the Special Screening

Yes I am aware that I saw it like literally before most of the country(ies) but this would never freaking post so here we go.

WARNING WILL HAVE SPOILERS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK Also, I will be leaving some points out because I don't wanna spoil EVERYTHING. Before the Movie

Even before 6:30, there was a long ass line to get into the theater.

Someone had decided to walk around the block as they were waiting to go into the theater (you couldn't enter the theater until 6:00) and everyone else just joined in My mom complained about the exercise.

I met two other people and they were hilarious.

When it was finally time to go into the theater, people in the back of the line started screaming and RAN to the entrance. It was chaos.

The esculator up there was crowded and packed, I have never seen so many people that excited.

Okay, they had two theaters showing the movie at the same time.

I honestly thought that I wasn't going to be able to see the movie, because they overbooked both theaters and I'm sure some people had to go home.

When we got into the theater, I was able to get like the second to the top of the theater seats. Those are some of the best seats in the house.

I MET BECKY AND SHE WAS SO NICE AND I WAS SHAKING WHEN I MET HER.

It was like seriously batshit crazy

The woman said that the actors were going to come into the theater that made the loudest noise first.

SOMEONE MADE A SIGN THAT WAS ASKING NICK TO PROM.

The woman said "And of course Nick is here!" AND THE WHOLE THEATER EVEN ME STARTED FREAKING OUT.

OH OH SO THE ACTORS WENT DOWN THE FAR LEFT SIDE THAT I WAS ON AND THERE WAS LIKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT THING THAT SAID "People on the left side of the theater, please do not stand."

NICK WALKED RIGHT PAST ME AND HE SMILED AT ME

They talked about the movie before it was started and as the actors turned to leave to go into the next theater, I yelled out "WE LOVE YOU NICK!" AND HE YELLED BACK "I LOVE YOU TOO!" AND OH MY GOD BEST DAY EVER.

OH OH ALEXANDRA'S MIC MESSED UP AS SHE WAS TALKING AND SHE SCREAMED "NO!" IN A HIGH PITCH CHILD'S VOICE AND IT WAS SO CUTE.

During the Movie

oh my fucking god this is going to be amazing.

*20th Centery Fox logo plays. Everyone flips the fuck out*

Simon came onto the screen and everyone was so silent.

Martin is introduced in the first few minutes, and he starts talking to Abby. She gets really uncomfortable

NICK IS SO FUCKIN HOT

Martin, no honey please, don't be an asshole

"They were literally dry humping each other under the table."

Simon's email changed...

Honestly, I loved Leah.

Nora was so freaking adorable.

"DEAR, BLUE I'M JUST LIKE YOU" WHEN THAT EMAIL STARTED EVERYONE (INCLUDING ME) STARTED SCREAMING

THE PRINCIPAL HAS TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS.

• After the principal took Simon's phone, Simon tried to take it back and it was hilarious

That Cabert practice, half the time I was excited but then I knew that after that scene everything would turn to shit

• Martin, your an asshole, stop.

• Wait, I think I know the actor from somewhere.

• THAT HALLOWEEN PARTY AT BRAM'S HOUSE WAS AMAZINGLY PUT ON

"Post Presidency Barack Obama."

• Simon, Bram, Abby, and Martin played this drinking game and I forgot what it was called, but Simon and Bram got hella drunk.

• Simon and Bram sung karaoke together it was adorable.

• Simon then sung by himself it was cute

• Simon, drunk in the bathroom: "Bram, it's me, Jacques."

• SIMON WAS FUCKING HAMMERED

• Martin spit up on Simon's John Lennon coustume.

I loved the part when Simon got home drunk and his parents were just like "He didn't drive drunk and he's home before curfew. We're good parents."

So that scene where all of Simon's friends came out as heterosexual? It was a fantasy, it didn't actually happen XD

They did like this fantasy thing where Simon was in college and they were singing and dancing (fuck I cannot remember the song) and when everything stops, Simon looks into the camera and he says "Okay, maybe not that gay."

Cut to play practice, Martin gets a "paper cut"

Have I mentioned that Martin is an asshole? Yes? Well to bad he is.

Cut to Waffle House and Simon, Martin, and Abby were practicing lines but then Martin starts asking Abby about her personal life.

"If you don't say it I won't stop."

"Oh my god Martin no."

"ATTENTION PEOPLE OF WAFFLE HOUSE! I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT MY FRIEND ABBY SUSO DESERVES A... "" DESERVES A GODDAMNED SUPERHERO!" "YEAH A GODDAMNED SUPERHERO!"

Simon, honey, Lyle isn't Blue.

Oooooooohhhhhhhh jealous Nick.

Cue football game.

Simon just starts getting like really really pissed at Martin and just like demands that he asks Abby out.

"Oh say can you see by the donzerly lights..." *Martin comes over and wrestles the woman for the mic*

"I'm sorry but what I'm about to say is way more important than the national anthome, I'm sorry America." When Martin said that, the whole theater just gasped oh my god XD

Martin does his speech thing, Abby rejects him.

Martin gets pissed and oh hey, he posts the emails.

BLUE LIKE OH MY GOD SIMON JUST I CANNOT JUST LIKE UM AHHHHH

Oh oh I think I should mention that there's a character called Ethan who's gay and dresses like a girl and he is amazing and a badass.

ONCE THE EMAILS WERE POSTED, NORA WAS JUST SO CONCERNED AND SHE CAME INTO SIMONS ROOM AND I'M JUST LIKE SHE WAS CRYING AND I WANTED TO HUG HER?????

Simon finally came out to his parents on Christmas.

Oh I should mention that Simon sorta lost his friends??

Leah is in love with Simon.

Oh, I should also mention that according to Becky, Leah is bisexual.

After Christmas when they got back to school, the principal was so supportive. HE HAS A GAY PRIDE FLAG ON HIS SUIT AND I NOTICED IT AND I STARTED FREAKING THE FUCK OUT

"Did you only date me because I looked like a guy?"

"No, I broke up with you because you didn't."

There are these two bullies (I refuse to type their names) and they were just bullying Simon and Ethan and like oh my god.

HI, YES, POLICE I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT A MURDER.

Mrs. Albright, your doing amazing sweetie.

Ethan: You know you could've talked to me right?"

The principal oh my fucking god, I wish my principal was that accepting.

Simon eventually goes onto Tumblr and writes a post, saying that everything about him was true and he asked Blue to meet him on the Ferris wheel.

Simons last ticket on the Ferris wheel Martin runs up screaming "WAIT! IT'S ME I'M BLUE!" and the whole theater lost their shit and started laughing.

"No your not.' " Yah, I'm not. But here how much is a ticket? Last ride is on me."

BLUE A.K.A BRAM FINALLY SHOWS UP AND THE WHOLE THEATER STARTED SCREAMING

AT THE TOP OF THE FERRIS WHEEL SIMON AND BRAM KISSED AND OH MY GOD, EVERYONE STARTED SCREAMING AND CLAPPING AND OH MY GOD

End of the movie, Simon picks up Nick, then Leah, then Abby. They go to the coffee shop and order five coffees. Cue the screaming.

SIMON PICKS UP BRAM FROM HIS HOUSE AND THEY KISS AND OH MY GOD

At the end of the movie, everyone just started clapping and yelling.

After the Movie

A lady came in and said "Scream if you knew it was Bram all along." EVERYONE STARTED SCREAMING

I should also mention that the mics were messing up.

I wasn't really able to stay for the q&a so I wasn't able to meet Nick :(

But overall, the movie was so fucking amazing 12/10 I would defiantly recommend it, and I would definitely go see it again if I'm ever able to.

I have to say though, if your parents hate bad language, don't see this movie with them. My mom saw it with me and she criticized it for the bad language and she kept saying that it just kept shoving the fact that she should just accept gay people into her face so she wasn't very happy. I didn't talk to her for an hour after that until she apologized. Anyways, that's all for now, unless I may write some fan fiction on it. Would you guys like to see it?

Also, no I didnt go threw every point and fact of the movie because I didn't wanna spoil it. Thank you!~Alex

[klaineharmony]

Klaine fic recs update

Hi everyone - I am still working on updating my Klaine fic rec pages. It’s a slow process! Trying to reconstruct links from four different sites (and figure out what’s made it over to AO3 and what hasn’t) is a lot of work. However, I’ve added some new things and found some new AO3 links, and so I wanted to give you all the list of what I have so far.

Warblers! Klaine fics

A Fine Frenzy and A Fine Frenzy: Outtakes by arainymonday. The New Directions and the Warblers experience new friendships, hookups, and breakups as they perform a musical rendition of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream at a Renaissance Faire. Posted on FF.net. Also here on LJ.

Dalton by CPCoulter. Post-“Furt,” Kurt begins an entirely new chapter in his life at Dalton Academy for Boys. Blaine, Wes, David and the boys of Windsor House make his life, for better or worse, far more eventful than he imagined. It’s hard to say enough about this beautifully imagined fic, which is now over 400,000 words and has its own fandom. CP Coulter also has her own extensive Tumblr with updates, Dalton fics by other authors, and lots of additional info, which can be found here. Dalton is also on FF.net, here.

Klaine, As Told by David and Wes by Ultraviolet-Ink. When David and Wes do something, they don’t do it by halves. So when David suggests they document ‘Klaine’ in all of its entirety, it’s not going to be some half-arsed job - they’re pulling out all the stops. This was one of the first Wevid fics I ever read, and I laughed until I cried. Hilarious. Posted on FF.net.

Lantern by Salazarfalcon. The power’s out, and all the Warblers have is a single, flickering light that may or may not be a literary metaphor for one Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Posted on FF.net.

Canon Klaine: one-shots, fill-ins, slight AUs.

Unless otherwise noted, links lead to AO3. If authors have multiple pseudonyms, they will be separated with a forward slash, e.g. aspiringtoeloquence/mybriefeternity.

A Hint of Blaine by OccasionallyRestless. The “Furt” wedding scene with a Blaine twist - When Blaine gets a call from the New Directions offering to let him help with a surprise for Kurt, he readily agrees. Cue singing, cute dancing and Klaine fluff. Posted on FF.net.

After Opening by Aeditimi Scriba. Artie notices an improvement in his leading actors as “West Side Story” goes into its second performance. Klaine and Finchel, Artie’s POV. Posted on FF.net.

And A Thousand Moments Like This by DaybyDay. Post-Original Song kiss fic. Fluff. Posted on FF.net.

Be It You Outside My Door by water_nix/the-water-nixie. 4x04 fix-it fic. Blaine’s instincts lead him to the right place at last. Posted on LJ.

Before You Met Me (I Was All Right) by purplehairedwonder. Without New Directions, Kurt never goes to Dalton to spy on the Warblers. For Blaine, life goes on… except for those strange moments he feels like something is missing.  This is an AU inspired by that “Glee Actually” promo with Kurt asking Artie, “Who’s Blaine?” during the dream sequence.

Blame It On Insecurity by sunandrainfic/rainingaces. Blaine does not like blaming things on alcohol. A conversation between Kurt and Blaine during BIOTA. This is one of the most poignant and insightful BIOTA fics out there. Posted on FF.net.

Blaine Anderson is Missing by lovely-sparkle. AU spec fic for Season 4 Regionals. The break-up is included. What will New Directions do when Blaine goes missing on the morning of the Regionals competition? And why is Blaine worried about Kurt? Posted on LJ.

Blessing by antarcticbird/Alianne82. Happy engaged boys and the world’s best dad. 5x01 reaction fic.

Blossoming by avaserenity. Post-“The First Time.” Burt Hummel’s perspective. He knows because he’s never seen anyone look at Kurt the way Blaine does. Posted on LJ.

Box by trufflemores. 3x09. “But what are you promising?” Blaine surprises Kurt with a special gift before Christmas break. Gap filler.

Call by trufflemores. 3x22. Blaine makes a special phone call after Kurt tells him about his NYADA rejection. Gap filler.

Can’t Explain (How the Wind Went and Pulled Me Into Your Hurricane) by ahmarionette. After the kiss in “Original Song,” Kurt gets Blaine to explain some of his swings in behavior since they met. Posted on LJ.

Captivate and Enrapture by trufflemores. 3x08 and 4x09. “Oh my God, it’s the Gerber baby.” In which Blaine sees Kurt lip-syncing during Harmony’s performance, and Kurt finally sings for NYADA.

Cheating by trufflemores. 3x17. “This is cheating, Kurt.” Blaine finds Kurt’s phone with Chandler’s texts. Drama ensues.

Convalescence by trufflemores. Quickie reaction fic to 4x07. Sometimes healing comes in unexpected ways. Blam friendship, with heavy Blaine angst.

Coping by trufflemores. 4x01. Kurt has been gone at college for months now. The New Directions’ newest member helps Blaine cope. Kurt/Blaine. Marley-Blaine friendship.

Counting Down the Days by skintightsocks. “It’s okay to be sad, you know,” Rachel says, petting at his hair. “You can pretend I’m Blaine if you want; I know we’re almost the same size.” It’s Kurt’s  first birthday in NYC, and he’s missing Blaine. AnderHummelberry friendship. Posted on LJ.

Enough by flaming_muse. 4x02. Standing there silently as Rachel works, Kurt wonders if he should say anything to her. He’s just not sure there’s anything else to be said. Klaine, HummelBerry friendship.

Epiphany by trufflemores. 4x12. Sam thinks he’s worthless. Blaine shows him otherwise. Sam/Blaine friendship.

Everything Changes by wowbright. The more Kurt thinks about Rachel’s yearbook message, the more he doesn’t know what to make of it. Finn does, though. (Reaction fic to “Goodbye” and "Rachel’s Yearbook Message to Kurt Scene".)

Fearlessly and Forever by missbeizy. 5x01 reaction fic. They hold court on a leather sofa in the common room where Blaine and the Warblers had sung “Teenage Dream” to a wide-eyed and very unsubtle McKinley High spy.

Finish Line by klaineaddict/iconicklaine. 4x01. Burt’s perspective on sending Kurt to New York. Originally posted on LJ; posted to AO3 by my request, for the Glee AO3 Fest. :)

Firsts by tweeney. 4x11. Kurt goes on a date with Adam, but his mind refuses to cooperate and decides to take a trip down memory lane to his first date with Blaine. Adorable and sweet fix-it fic. Posted on LJ.

Five Times Blaine Wanted to Kiss Kurt But Didn’t (and One Time He Did) by tweeney. Some S2 Klaine, missing moments and kisses. Posted on LJ.

Goodnight Sweetheart (Well, It’s Time To Go) by antarcticbird/Alianne82. Kurt and Blaine say goodnight on their third date after becoming a couple. S2.

Happy Days Are Here Again by klemonademouth. It had been eighty-two days since Kurt had been in Ohio. Eighty-two days since he’d touched Blaine. Eighty-two days since he’d held him against his chest and pressed his face into Blaine’s hair, inhaling the scent of sandalwood and pine. Posted on FF.net. Also here on LJ.

Hurry Up Please, It’s Time by lookninjas. This is technically part of lookninjas’ stripper!AU ‘verse, but it is really a reworked version of The Box Scene, and it is fluffy and lovely.

Hurt by foraworldundeserving. A “Never Been Kissed” missing scene. Kurt finally looked up, his eyes glassy, and Blaine had to stifle a gasp at the absolute terror reflected in them. “He snapped,” Kurt whispered. Posted on FF.net.

I Don’t Have to Tell You, But You’re the Only One by aspiringtoeloquence/ mybriefeternity. Takes place during the events of “Rumors” - 2x19. With all that’s going on at McKinley, Kurt misses his boyfriend more than ever. Posted on FF.net.

If This Ain’t Love Then What Is? by aspiringtoeloquence/mybriefeternity. "I mean, what would you do if Blaine proposed to you today?“ Takes place during 3x12 - Kurt’s thoughts. Posted on FF.net.

If You Let It Go by trufflemores. 4x04. “It’s an expression,” Marley explained. “If you love something, you have to let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” Blaine and Kurt’s phone calls post-break-up.

I Guess We Thought That’s Just What Humans Do by sunandrainfic/rainingaces. Missing scene from “I Do,” in which Tina and Blaine argue and work out their differences after the Vapor Rub incident. Posted on LJ.

I Love You More Than I Have Ever Found a Way to Say by lavender-love00. Kurt and Blaine after junior prom, S2. Adorable and sweet, awkward and romantic.

I’m Beginning to See the Light by normal_scaresme. It’s Kurt and Blaine’s two-year anniversary, and even if they aren’t technically together, Kurt still thinks they should celebrate. S4. Posted on LJ.

In Want of Magic by trufflemores. This story is how I found Truffles, and it is a truly amazing piece of writing. 3x01 - 4x01. “I just … I want my senior year to be magic.” Kurt knew that there would be challenges to overcome his senior year. Little did he know just how tumultuous it would be. Kurt/Blaine. Blaine as a senior. Minor canonical alterations, but otherwise canon compliant.

Initiation by WickedForGood13. The aftermath of Blaine’s first slushie facial.

I Thought You’d Keep Me Warm by water_nix/the-water-nixie. 4x04 fix-it fic featuring Sebastian. Sometimes the right push comes from the most unlikely of places. Posted on LJ.

It’s All Fiction by happyinchintz72. Follow on from 2x15 and their ‘non-conversation’. Kurt is frightened and doesn’t ever see how that will change… ONE-SHOT. Angsty fluff. Posted on FF.net. Also here on LJ.

It’s Not Unusual by gigi42. 4x21 reaction fic in Kurt’s POV. Kurt’s in survival mode, but the idea of Blaine is in everything he does.

It’s Time by trufflemores. 4x01. Blaine, after Kurt has left for New York.

It’s You They’re All Waiting For by missgoalie75. 4x02. Blaine tries to get used to the eccentricities of the new New Directions. Wonderful Blainetana and Brittaine friendship. Posted on LJ.

Journey’s End by the-cimmerians. 4x04 fix-it fic. After the break-up, Blaine flees Lima, and Kurt finds himself enlisted by the Andersons to help find their son. Kurt is as surprised as anyone that he agrees to go looking. Posted on Tumblr.

Kiss by foraworldundeserving. The now-famous, 234-chapter prompt fic that is equal parts fun, fluff, angst, and gorgeousness. While the kiss in “Original Song” was oh-so-beautiful, there’s millions of ways those two boys could have shared their first kiss. Posted on FF.net.

Kiss & Tell by impromptucoffee/engorgioblaine. Kurt and Blaine’s progression through the four bases. Originally a GKM fill. Awkward, sweet, gorgeous emotion and description. Posted on LJ.

Kiss Me Slowly by skitzzy. "He wasn’t even paying attention to the sky anymore; the only thing he wanted to see was the beautiful boy in front of him that no sunset in the world could ever compete against.” Posted on FF.net.

Last Night by Icicle Raindream. “The First Time” missing scene. Rachel and Blaine share a secret with one another backstage. Posted on FF.net.

Letting Go by trufflemores. 4x08. Kurt finally calls Blaine intending to end his relationship with him permanently. It doesn’t go as planned. Canon-compliant.

Locked Out of Heaven by trufflemores. 4x11. In which Blaine can’t have Kurt, and so he finds love wherever he can. One-sided Blaine/Sam, with mentions of Kurt/Blaine.

Memory by trufflemores. 4x10. “Who’s Blaine?” Kurt/Blaine. Sebastian/Blaine. A take off from “Glee, Actually,” in which we see what has become of the Blaine who never knew Kurt.

Memory by trufflemores. 4x10. “Who’s Blaine?” Kurt/Blaine. Sebastian/Blaine. A take off from “Glee, Actually,” in which we see what has become of the Blaine who never knew Kurt.

May Your Days Be Merry by manywingedescape/wingedescapes. 4x10, “Glee, Actually.” Kurt and Blaine have a discussion about love and life after Burt falls asleep on Christmas night. Posted on FF.net. Also here on LJ.

Need by trufflemores. 3x07. “I have to find Blaine.”

Never A Good War, Never a Bad Peace by foraworldundeserving. Finn and Blaine in S3. Nobody’s perfect. So under that logic, it was entirely unfair to watch certain people just float through life without so much as stumbling, and Finn wasn’t going to stand for it any longer. Posted on FF.net.

New Meanings by flaming_muse. 4x01. It’s with a little hesitation that Blaine pushes through the doors of the Lima Bean and breathes in the familiar scents of coffee and baked goods.

Oh, Whistle and Come to Us by purplehairedwonder. 4x08. Whistles had come to mean something both haunting and seductive to Blaine by the time the Warblers performed “Whistle” at Sectionals. This amazing story was written based on a meta post I wrote for fyeahgleemeta, and I am so flattered and awed by it.

One Fine Day and Catch the Wind by arainymonday. They had talked about their dads enough for Kurt to know three things: One, Mr. Anderson desperately wanted a straight son. Two, Blaine desperately wanted an accepting father. Three, Kurt had everything Blaine wanted. And they had talked about their families enough for Kurt to know three more things: One, the Andersons do not get along. Two, the Andersons are not happy. Three, Blaine does not feel loved by them. But Kurt had no idea it was this bad. Posted on FF. net. Also One Fine Day on LJ and Catch the Wind on LJ.

One More Night by trufflemores. 4x11. Once he starts thinking about Sam that way, he can’t stop. In which Blaine projects, Sam reflects, and lines dissolve. Explores Blam, but remains firmly Klaine. Kurt features fairly prominently. One-sided Sam/Blaine, Kurt/Blaine.

One Thing Kurt Got Right by abbypotter327. 3x22. Kurt takes his NYADA rejection hard, but he has Blaine to hold him together. Posted on FF.net.

Out of Control by trufflemores. 4x12. Sam’s on a downward spiral with the ‘Men of McKinley’ calendar. Blaine intervenes. Unbeknownst to him, he, too, is on a downward spiral that leads up to “Diva.” Blaine/Sam friendship.

Pamphlets by foraworldundeserving. 2x15, leading up to 3x05. Because as much as he wanted to, no matter how easy it was to stay naive and pretend that relationships never went beyond the touch of fingertips, Kurt had to face up to the facts and the truth. He couldn’t stay a baby penguin any longer. Posted on FF.net.

Perhaps by aspiringtoeloquence/mybriefeternity. 3x03. The aftermath of Blaine being cast as Tony in West Side Story - Blaine and Kurt aren’t exactly experts at this whole healthy relationship thing yet, but they try, and that’s half the battle. Posted on FF.net.

Pink Sticky Notes and Portable Hearts by hopewithfeathers. Post-“Dance With Somebody,” 3x17. Kurt and Blaine couldn’t talk out and fix all their sadness and insecurities in one conversation, so Kurt goes to apologize properly. Angst, fluff, and sexy times. Posted on FF.net.

Play It Cool, Boy, Real Cool by aspiringtoeloquence/mybriefeternity. Pre-3x06. McKinley is where Blaine’s heart is… but he’d feel better if he spent more time with some of the members of New Directions. Posted on FF.net.

Please Don’t Come and Go by sunandrainfic/rainingaces. 4x04 fix-it fic. He doesn’t say these things, because how can you say those things to the boy you cheated on? Anything that had happened before is meaningless, now. It’s been blotted off the paper by the huge ink-stain Blaine spilled on the canvas. Posted on LJ.

Precipice by trufflmores. 4x14. Marley supports Blaine during a time of need, and Blaine has a realization about his relationship with Kurt. Takes place after the car makeout and during the wedding reception. Marley/Blaine friendship, Kurt/Blaine romance. Truffles wrote this for me after I asked for something with lots of Anderose friendship, and it is positively lovely.

Promises by bluecloudsupabove/ca_te. 4x01. Blaine sends Kurt off to NYC with love.

Put Up the Tree Before My Spirit Falls Again by water_nix/the-water-nixie. 4x08-4x10. Kurt has secretly hated Christmas since he was eight years old, and now that he’s living away from home he can avoid it with nothing but a little excess guilt. So when he calls to say he isn’t coming home for Christmas this year, Burt decides it’s about time he did something about that. It’s a good thing he’s bringing along a right-hand man. Posted on LJ.

Ready or Not by unwrittenfic/drunkonwriting. Kurt and Blaine come to Santana’s aid in the aftermath of the Finn and Santana situation in “Mash-Off.”

Remind Me To Forget by peanutmeg. Blaine’s moved on from Sadie Hawkins. He’s fine. It was years ago. But it seems that the past isn’t done with Blaine. Canon-compliant through 5x07.

The Run on Fumes series by idoltina. Canon divergent post-season three. When Blaine transfers to McKinley for his senior year, he finds himself paired with Quinn for a duets assignment in glee club and discovers that maybe they have more in common than he'd originally thought. Or, Blaine and Quinn become best friends.

Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall by flaming_muse. January 21, 2013. Blaine watches the inauguration alone in his house, a bowl of microwave popcorn cooling on the coffee table and a glass of soda fizzing gently by his hand.

Shooting Star by trufflemores. 4x18. AU spec. Blaine’s bad morning spirals rapidly downward when a gunshot is fired. Here there be Blangst. No character death. TW: shooting. Features Blam friendship and Klaine romance.

Sometimes It Takes a Storm to Calm a Storm Within by thefatesallow/comewhatmay. Another beautiful 4x18 reaction fic, in which Kurt and Blaine talk after the shooting and are on the road to mending. Background Brittana as well.

Something New by the-cimmerians. Post-4x14. Kurt and Blaine reconnect and being again. Posted on Tumblr.

Support by trufflemores. 4x13. Slight AU. Sick!Blaine. "If Kurt is a unicorn, does that make you a rhinoceros?" It's a very long week for Blaine Anderson. Features Anderose and Blam friendship.

Swallow My Heart and Flee by fallovermelikestars. Blaine Anderson comes to New York thinking the world is his oyster, overjoyed at the prospect of taking a bite of the Big Apple, moving into an apartment he and Kurt can call home and finally living the Manhattanite life together they’ve always dreamed of. But then Kurt gets an offer that he’s not sure he can refuse, the plans they’ve made are turned on their head and Blaine finds out that having a dream and living it are two very different things. While the first three seasons of Glee are canon here, it goes AU after 4x01.

The Art of Fixing Hearts by bluecloudsupabove/ca_te. 4x04 fix-it fic by the incomparable Cate, immediately following the confrontation in Battery Park. Also here on S&C.

The Key Series, comprised of ‘The First Steps" and “The Next Steps” by Fabrisse. This is probably my absolute favorite 4x04 fix-it fic. Blaine comes back to New York the week after “The Break-Up,” and talking, domesticity, and forgiveness ensue.

The Five New Voicemails of Chandler Kiehl by aspiringtoeloquence/ mybriefeternity. 3x17. Chandler Kiehl’s phone number finds itself in the possession of the members of New Directions. Who have a lot of feelings. Set after “Dance With Somebody.”

The Perspective of Age by flaming_muse. 4x10, “Glee Actually.”  If there’s one thing that Burt does know, besides how to take any car engine apart and put it back together running better than before, it’s his son. Gorgeous fic from Burt’s POV in which he muses about Kurt and Blaine, love, loss, and his relationship with his son.

The Plans That We’ve Made by aspiringtoeloquence/mybriefeternity. Kurt and Blaine are back in Ohio for the holidays, and it feels like the next few weeks could be important in so many ways. Posted on FF.net.

The Sparrow by wowbright. On March 8, 2013, at 3:42 p.m., the same calendar reminder pops up on both of their phone displays: “THERE YOU ARE - ANNIVERSARY in one week.” Kurt and Blaine do their best to cope with being broken up on their second anniversary. So poignant and sweet.

The Worst is Far Behind Us Now by normal_scaresme. Blaine calls Kurt after the events of 4x18. Lovely emotion and wonderful Anderson family moments at the end. Posted on LJ.

This House Doesn’t Burn Down Slowly by sunandrainfic/rainingaces. 4x01. It’s not the kind of “confronting what you’re afraid of” fear that got Neville Longbottom to win points for Gryffindor, or Diane Lane to dive into a lake and admit that she loves John Cusack. It’s the kind of paralyzing, one-wrong-move-and-the-snake-kills-you fear that boxes you in and turns out the lights and whispers in your ear, “Don’t make a sound.” Posted on LJ.

This Is It by impromptucoffee/engorgioblaine. AU for “Goodbye”; originally a GKM fill. Kurt gets into NYADA and Kurt and Blaine celebrate, all by themselves. Posted on LJ.

Till We Come Face to Face by the-multicorn/multicorn. They end up together at the Lima Bean, promises made over the phone at Thanksgiving long left behind. “I know the relationship between us is - complicated,” Kurt says. His hands are folded around the cardboard cup as if in prayer. “But I need to talk to my best friend. Can you do that?” Reunion fic, AU after 4x22. Also here on Tumblr.

To Love You Is To Need You Everywhere by undesirablenumber1/warble_on. 3x11. Blaine needs Kurt; a discovery reflected upon in Kurt’s arms. Blaine’s inner monologues on love and necessity and people who save you. Posted on FF.net. Also posted here on LJ.

Transference by flaming_muse. Kurt and Blaine’s relationship is complicated; other people (and objects) are much more simple. Transference is the phenomenon of unconsciously redirecting feelings about one person or object to another. Set before through soon after 4x17, “Guilty Pleasures.”

Two Years Ago Tomorrow by flaming_muse. The afternoon of the day after Kurt and Blaine’s first kiss. Set within 2x16 (“Original Song”) and written for the second anniversary of Kurt and Blaine’s first kiss. So lovely.

Unbroken by trufflemores. 2x17. "These three guys . . . beat the living crap out of us." Or, what happened that spring night at the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Waiting, Hoping by flaming_muse. 4x21. Blaine’s perspective during “Wonder-ful.” There he is, Blaine’s Kurt. Almost.

When the Lights Go Out, Will You Take Me With You? by narceus. AU spec fic for 3x02 and 3x03. Blaine moves to New York with Kurt, and it takes his parents months to notice he’s gone. Beautiful and heartbreaking.

When We Can Say Goodnight and Stay Together by antarcticbird/Alianne82. 3x12. Kurt and Blaine talk about Finn’s marriage proposal to Rachel while doing … other stuff. Absolutely sweet and adorable perfection.

Wherein Blaine is Well on His Way to Becoming a Crazy Cat Lady by water_nix/the-water-nixie. Kurt’s impending move to New York may be upsetting Blaine far more than he is letting on. Cue Kurt and a plan to help soften the blow. Absolutely hilarious fic with spot-on voices for the the boys and the old ND members.

Wrapped in a Bow by livehighnmighty. Adorable Box Scene reaction fic. Posted on LJ.

You Are Not Perfect … To Me by cinnamont. 4x04. Kurt calls the universe’s greatest Dad for comfort and understanding and gets a whole lot more. Or, Burt Hummel giving Kurt and Blaine a fatherly reality check.

You Touch Every Place in My Heart by bluecloudsupabove/ca_te. Alternative S4 Thanksgiving, where Blaine comes to NYC to surprise Kurt, with some loving and insistent help from Rachel.  Cate wrote this for me after talking to me for the first time, during one of the hardest periods of my life, and it is so gorgeous and sweet and perfect that it made me cry. Posted on LJ.

[rewrite-the-wrongs]

ever get in a fight with your own brain? / ADHD & RSD

I spoke in my first post about the pace at which I create, and the constant mental back-and-forth I go through when reading or writing. The thing I didn’t mention, though, is that it can take a nearly-insurmountable effort to get to the point that I’m actually producing anything.

For instance: After I wrote the first two sentences of this post and four words of the next, I left my computer on my bed and went to have a shit. While there, I spent about fifty minutes on my phone (it’s no wonder I have fucking hemorrhoids, my poor butthole). Even as I continue typing now, I can’t stop flipping to other tabs. Sometimes I even pick up my phone and look at the same fucking apps I have open in Chrome.

I spent about three years talking with a therapist about this same issue nearly every week. She would ask me, “Easy, do you still want to be a writer?” and I would feel this horrible knot in my stomach, like if I said Yes I would be lying, even though that’s just not the case. No matter what I would press through the discomfort and say, “Yes. This is what I want. It’s what I love.” But something in my assertion felt hollow.

The question becomes: Why? Why in the living hell does my brain try so goddamn hard to prevent me from doing a thing that I spent countless hours practicing as a child straight up through my early twenties? Why has it taken me so long--I’m 27 now--to get back on the horse, even when I know that holding all of this creativity in can very literally make me ill?

I present to you an article a friend of mine shared a while back, and the first time I considered the very real possibility that I’m dealing with ADHD that is most certainly comorbid with my depression and anxiety:

https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria#1

That’s a rudimentary rundown of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a common symptom of ADHD. Basically, rejection (perceived or genuine) can trigger a stress response, which subsequently can lead to extreme emotional responses to said rejection.

Nobody likes to be rejected, but this shit takes it a step further, into a place that can be utterly debilitating. When I try to get creative, I often freeze up or get incredibly sad after a short time working. This is because, on some semiconscious level, I’ve convinced myself my writing will be rejected before anybody’s ever had the chance to read it. I completely overwhelm myself with the idea of an audience--I can’t help but think about how hard it is to be published, or how huge the internet is and how easy it is to be drowned out in a sea of voices, or how my absurdly limited human brain can’t possibly come up with something nobody’s thought of before.

This issue becomes even worse when I have a personal connection to my audience. I went to school for writing, and I was surrounded by talented people, some of whom I’ve maintained contact with. Many of them publish pieces in lit mags or online pretty frequently, and a couple have books out. I’ve contacted two of them directly to ask about writing reviews/essays on their work, and they’ve enthusiastically said yes. Unfortunately--and predictably, if you’re following along--that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Those messages both went out some two years ago.

I actually came out to one of those two writers on a whim recently, and mentioned/apologized for the lack of review--and she’d forgotten about it completely.

*

It used to be that most of my rejection sensitivity was aimed at my lack of social grace. I was a pretty hapless kid, lost in my own thoughts, almost never tracking the conversation around me. I would frequently offer non sequitur distractions in class, to the chagrin of my teachers and often my classmates. I can distinctly recall many occasions during which I 

1) Patiently waited with my hand up for ten solid minutes, thinking only about whatever random fact or opinion the conversation had brought to mind;

2) Relayed said fact or opinion;

3) Was corrected or chastised, either by the teacher or kids around me or both;

4) Put my head down on my desk and began to quietly cry and hope nobody would ever look at me again.

But it wasn’t just in the classroom that I struggled to be social. Cue an image of me watching at least a solid hundred kids and parents do the Cha Cha Slide while I sat entirely alone in a corner of the gym. Cue an image of another gym, where I was watching my younger sister and several friends play in our elementary school’s steel drum band alongside every band in our county’s program; all of the players gathered on bleachers opposite our audience bleachers, and a few non-players traipsed over to sit and socialize, and I sat there thinking about crossing that gym the entire time I was there. Cue an image of a moment at a swimming pool when I misspoke and offended a friend-of-a-friend, and tried to make myself apologize but just sat there and felt queasy, and I never found the courage to speak to either person again.

When I got to high school, things got worse before they got better. I became so stressed out by rejection that I began vomiting simply because I was around somebody I was attracted to who didn’t reciprocate my feelings. In the span of maybe two months, I dropped from a hundred eighty pounds to about one-fifteen. RSD literally nearly killed me.

At this point I was writing fervently, producing upwards of a hundred thousand words between a few different shitty novel concepts. My art was the one place I could go that rejection couldn’t touch me, the one thing I would share with anybody who would have a look. I enrolled in those writing workshop classes I mentioned last post. Whenever I had a spare moment that wasn’t reserved for video games or books or my eventual girlfriend, I was creating. And my brain and I kept at it that way for years.

*

This is the internet, so you’ve heard of the Dunning-Kruger Effect, yeah?

I found myself very firmly at the peak Mt. Ignorance when I entered college. My high school program had prepared me extremely well, and before long I was singled out by more than one professor, and even a couple upperclassmen. It went to my head quickly.

Enter a very tumultuous, extremely unhealthy relationship that began with me cheating on my high school sweetheart (no way that could go wrong). By the start of spring semester, this older woman realized she’d invented a version of me in her head I couldn’t possibly live up to, and I--being a deeply closeted egg, still, and steeped in learned misogyny--collapsed in on myself and turned into a borderline stalker for a couple of months. (I have since apologized, and we’re still in touch, albeit it very, very distantly.)

I deeply internalized this rejection, to the point that I started to denigrate myself as an artist, and my brain connected RSD more inextricably to my writing. When I hit sophomore year, my confidence had begun to waver, and even though I was still learning and improving, by the time I was a junior that confidence had all but dissolved. I was flat on my ass in what a political scientist friend of mine calls THE VALLEY OF DESPAIR, or the trough at the very bottom of the Dunning-Kruger curve.

This lack of confidence culminated in an independent study that I should have failed. It was spring semester of my junior year. I had the opportunity to work one-on-one with my favorite professor and, in my opinion, the most talented writer we had to learn from. But I was nearly out of creative energy, and I found it nearly impossible to write anything I felt would be good enough, especially for someone I idolized so intensely. I wound up sending him stories I’d written for a fiction workshop the semester before, and even then I wasn’t able to complete the course. That professor left my grade unmarked until I graduated, at which point he aced me out of what was probably a mixture of pity and a need to keep our small private school’s GPA high.

Senior year, I found poetry, which gave me the opportunity to produce less in terms of volume. I stayed in poetry the whole year, and wrote less than I had since I was eight. When I left school, I stalled out almost entirely.

*

This is all a rather long-winded way of saying that my brain is my own worst enemy when it comes to writing. RSD leaves me prone to catastrophizing everything, and the general trajectory of my life felt downward for a long time.

But I went to therapy, and I came out to my partner just about a year ago now, and I’m happier every day. I’m relearning the patience with myself and my artistic process. I’m pushing myself to keep learning and gaining experience and knowledge. I’ve got a couple different creative projects going. And I’m here on Tumblr, blogging for the second time in a week (ish--where the hell are the time stamps on these posts?!).

Every time I start to feel the crushing weight of the world above me--every time I feel like I’ll never climb out of the Valley of Despair, like I couldn’t possibly contribute anything good to the world--I’m going to remind myself of this image:

TL;DR: Fuck you, brain. You’re not the boss of me. I’m a writer, and I will remain one. And my writing is for me. Any other readers are a bonus.

Much love, y’all--

Easy

[dadvans]

don’t look back in anger (otayuri, 2.5k, teen) :: 

 [life lesson: if some dumb-dumb actually tags you in a callout post on tumblr and says shitty, baseless things about you, don’t engage them.  write petty fic about otabek and yuri as grandpas who live on mars instead!!  you’re welcome.]

At age 54, Victor Nikiforov-Katsuki became one of the first successful test subjects for a series of anti-aging surgeries.  At 37, he had a knee surgery and received hair plugs, but the first in a series of operations at 54 gave him joints and muscle and organs of someone forever young.

Yuri had grimaced at the holoscreen when the news broke, having seen too much of Victor’s face to last several lifetimes.  “I bet he has a robodick too.”

“Yura,” Otabek had said, both fond and resigned from across the dining room table where he was dissecting a grapefruit half.  

At age 87, Victor Nikiforov-Katsuki went out in a blaze of glory deep-dicking his husband (“robodick,” confirmed BuzzfeedMars) on a solo flight to their summer home on Venus, when his elbow slipped and he managed to undo the ship’s airlock.  Neither he nor Yuuri had looked a day over 40.

Yuri’s let his body age. He’s still in good shape for 82; he does water aerobics with a group of old ladies every Tuesday and Thursday, and the atmosphere on Mars has naturally benefited his bones for the past three decades.  But he and Otabek have always been purists otherwise, letting nature take its course with their bodies and never giving into the temptation or philosophy of synthetic body maintenance.  There’s a small, petty part of him from his youth that remains, the purest part of himself that celebrates his body as the ultimate defeat of Victor Nikiforov.  He revels in his own skin, and in Otabek’s, and the thought that when death comes to them in old age they won’t have cheated it, but earned it somehow.  Victor and Yuuri’s parts were supposed to last them until 2089, and by then, who knows.  The idea of them fucking their ancient asses all over the goddamn galaxy still stirs something ugly in Yuri.  

Until Otabek gets sick.  Like, really, really sick.  And he keeps getting sick.  Bladder infections and kidney infections and pissing blood and choked up catheters and too many nights in the hospital instead of their estate, and suddenly there’s a question that goes unspoken between them.

“You’re killing yourself,” Yuri says finally after their third trip to the ER that month.  Otabek had a temperature of 40 degrees and collapsed in their greenhouse.  

“Or I’m just dying,” Otabek says.  “I’m old.”

“Bullshit,” Yuri says.  Otabek still skates sometimes on weekdays when the rink is empty, because he was blessed with superhuman cartilage in his knees and the back of a titan.  He just does simple laps to relieve stress while Yuri watches from the stands, long since given up the ice out of self preservation.  But Otabek has never had to, because Otabek has always been healthy and strong.  There’s nothing else to be said or done, because, “bullshit, you’re not allowed to die.”

 “I don’t think that’s how dying works,” Otabek replies.  He’s smiling and there’s acceptance in the smile that feels damning.   

“Fuck you,” Yuri says.  “The doctors have given you dozens of options.  There’s-- technology, there’s--there’s--”

 “I thought you didn’t believe in that,” Otabek says.

 “Don’t let my pride kill you, Christ, Beka,” Yuri says, feeling impossibly young even with his knobbed knuckles and crooked fingers wrapped around Otabek’s own, mindful of the saline drip and hiding the biggest of his liver spots.  “If you don’t live through this, I’ll kill you.”

  The kidneys have to go.  The bladder has to go.

Otabek’s dick has to go.  

“It’s fine,” Otabek says after the doctor leaves the room.  Their intimacy has suffered recently.  Until Otabek’s body started failing him for good, they were still going at it an admirable two to three times a week.  It was bragging rights at Yuri’s water aerobics class; Janice and Marta and Ahimsa are all twenty years younger than he is, but still delight in his gossip.  

“Your hips can still handle fucking on the stairs?” Marta would ask, and Yuri would preen, his long gone grey hair curling with the heat of the pool around his ears.  

Yuri has always deeply loved Otabek’s body, even in old age.  He’s loved Otabek’s full chest of hair, the grey curly-cues that gather down his shoulders like shrubbery.  He’s loved the wrinkles of Otabek’s ass when Otabek fucks him sideways in the mornings and Yuri reaches behind him for something soft and familiar to hold onto.  He’s loved the deep growing cut of Otabek’s philtrum, he’s loved the soft ocean of Otabek’s stomach and the way it curves perfectly against his spine at night.  He’s loved Otabek’s cataracts, Otabek’s thick fingernails, Otabek’s shitty liver and bladder, Otabek’s dick that has its own groove inside him.  

But Otabek will still be Otabek.  It’s always been Otabek’s character and strength that have made Yuri feel strong just standing beside him.  

“It’s fine,” Yuri agrees.  Otabek will carve new grooves into him.  Otabek will not be in pain.  Otabek will be ninety and still skating past Yuri in the stands of the skating club while Yuri drinks hot cider and pretends to ignore Otabek in favor of a book he’s read six pages of in the past ten years.  Otabek will be alive.  Yuri will still get to wrap himself around Otabek at night and press his nose to the wire-stiff hairs at the base of Otabek’s neck and listen to the sharp way Otabek negotiates the prices of fresh fruit and farmed fish at the market on Tuesdays.  Yuri will still be able to occupy a comfortable silence where the room feels full and alive just because his feet are resting in Otabek’s lap.  Yuri would do anything to keep that selfishly for himself as long as possible.  “It’s fine.”

  It’s not fine.  

The organ transplants--the kidney, the bladder anyway--are all farmed sustainably and are available for Otabek at any time.  

The dick however, is not.  

“Please, do not say the word--”

“Robodick,” the doctor says anyway.  “That’s the direction the market has deemed most profitable in perfecting, so the best technology currently available is the Nikiforov model.  At Mr. Altin-Plisetsky’s age, I would be too worried that an organic transplant might not take, as we haven’t perfected the procedure.  Going with a Nikiforov model would ensure a much higher success rate.  This means his body wouldn’t reject the transplant, and the likelihood of--worst case scenario, death would be much, much lower.”

“Say that name again,” Yuri says.  It’s a challenge, not a request.  The doctor looks between Otabek in a gown on the table, and Yuri, hands curled over the handle of his cane.  

“Would you like me to leave you with literature?” the doctor says, not taking the bait.  He hands a thick magazine to Otabek and nods at Yuri.  “I can leave you two alone if you need time to discuss the options available.”

As soon as the doctor is out of the room, Yuri snarls, “is that a dick catalogue?”

“That is,” Otabek says, flipping it open to a random page before leaning away from it and fumbling for his reading glasses, “that is exactly what it appears to be.”

“Did he say ‘Nikiforov?’” Yuri asks, lifting his cane to poke gently at Otabek’s hand.  Otabek smiles, entertained.  It’s the same kind of smile that he used to direct at Yuuri decades and decades ago when they were young, at some banquet or fancy party hosted by Victor and Yuuri, where Otabek would turn to Yuri and mouth, you jealous? against the long curve of Yuri’s neck

Otabek flips a couple dozen pages back in the magazine and adjusts his glasses.  He’s trying not to smile too much.  “‘Nikiforov -- or N1-kiforov is the prototype model still used today in all of our synthetic penis transplants,’” he reads out loud.  “The design and shape of the model are based off of the organic penis belonging to Victor Nikiforov, who--”

“I am not,” Yuri spits out, “not having Victor Nikiforov’s dick inside of me.”

 Otabek lets the magazine close around his thumb, bookmarking the page.

“They have to have other models,” Yuri continues.  

Otabek frowns, his cheeks cutting deep curves against his mouth like a bulldog, and flips the catalogue back open to read quietly to himself.  Yuri can feel the years peel off his own lifetime watching Otabek read.

Eventually, Otabek continues, “‘The N1-kiforov model was eventually chosen as the base model for all synthetic penile transplants, as the feedback regarding use, size, as well as shape concerning the girth and slight curve was favorable for both recipients, as well as sexual partners of all genders.’”

“Are you fucking with me?” Yuri asks, completely serious.  “Beka, I need to know: are you fucking with me.”

“I am one-hundred percent not fucking with you,” Otabek replies.  “But look-- there are different versions, a lot of luxury attachments--”

“Like what, Beka? A pasta maker?  This is your dick, not a fucking KitchenAid,” Yuri does not scream.

Otabek looks at him.  Really looks at him.  Takes his glasses off and rubs at his temple slowly, and Yuri instantly wishes he could take every word that’s stumbled out of his mouth in the past minute and shove them back in.

They take the dick catalogue home.

They bathe together, quietly.  Yuri sits between Otabek’s legs and lets the back of his head rest between where Otabek’s chest has gone soft and droopy and he closes his eyes and tries to forget the day.  Otabek won’t let him.

“I need to get a transplant,” he says.  

“I know,” Yuri says.  “I’m being petulant.  I’m in mourning.”

“You’re going to be mourning more than my dick soon if I don’t actually go in for the operation,” Otabek says.  He still sounds so kind.  

“Shut up,” Yuri says.  He hates this.  “I know.”

“Is it really so awful, me having Victor’s dick?” Otabek says.  “I mean, you never wondered--” 

He’s teasing, and Yuri wants to now sink underwater but also drag Otabek with him.  “I hate you!”

“You love me,” Otabek says.  He says it with such command in his voice that Yuri can do nothing but agree, weak for him with it.  

“Yeah,” Yuri says.  “I do.”

  The series of operations starts less than a month later.  Organ transplants are done with such frequency and ease these days that they’re the kind of operation that the lead surgeons will step out of the room during, send their interns in with their rivals to poach new techniques.  Yuri pretends that he isn’t nervous, wearing his comfiest pair of sweats and one of Otabek’s winter sweaters in the waiting room.  In his decades and decades and decades alive, humanity has still not found a way to make a comfortable hospital chair.  

 Every time Otabek wakes up, Yuri feels like he’s been suffocating.  The slow blink awake makes Yuri’s heart catch in his throat every time.   

Each surgery requires additional physical therapy.  Otabek is so strong, Yuri thinks for the thirty-thousandth time in his life.  He makes it through each one with such ease, it reminds Yuri of the first time he saw Otabek land a quad axel in competition.  Invincible, he thinks.  

The doctors tell them they can engage in sexual intercourse in a month.  Yuri doesn’t know what he’s going to do when that month is up.  He doesn’t expect to die before then.  Yuri eats a piece of candy a day, does low-impact cardio three times a week, drinks a glass of red wine with dinner, and even if that weren’t enough to ensure some kind of longevity, Yuri is sure to live to 112 out of sheer spite alone.  

(Even on their honeymoon in Rome fifty-five years ago, Otabek called him, “my grumpy old man.”)

 It’s not like they have to have sex to have a meaningful relationship.  It’s not like their relationship has only lasted nearly seven decades because the sex.  But Yuri likes the sex.  Yuri likes sex with Otabek; the noises he makes, the reminder of him solid and sure at the beginning of the day, the end of it.

Yuri hasn’t been so afraid of something or unsure of anything in a very long time.  It sits in his stomach like a stone, and it grows heavier as Otabek gets better.  He hates it.  It makes him feel nauseous and it makes him feel tired; it makes him feel old.  

Finally, Otabek turns to him and says, “we don’t have to, you know.” 

And Yuri knows exactly what he’s talking about.  

And in that moment, Yuri knows he wants to.  As soon as the choice is taken away from him, Yuri knows exactly the decision he would make, and that would be to let Otabek fuck him, even if it were with a synthetic model of Victor Nikiforov’s dick.  

“How dare you,” Yuri says.  He’s making tea on the stove, slicing up a lemon for Otabek’s while Otabek scrolls through the news on his tablet.  How dare Otabek bring it up so casually in the morning, not even daring to look him in the eye.  “You don’t get to make this decision for me.  You coward.” 

Otabek looks up from his tablet and pushes his glasses up his nose, smiling.  “Coward?” he asks.  “You always tell me I’m the brave one.  Even in our wedding vows, you said--”

“I know what I said!” Yuri says, angrily scooping too many spoonfuls of ceylon into loose tea bags.  It’s going to come out too strong, bitter, and Yuri will put too much milk in his to hide it and then be sick for the rest of the day.  Otabek knows this.  “Look, if you want to fuck me, you can go ahead and fuck me.  In fact, I would love it if you fucked me.  The girls at the gym have been giving me pitying looks and I would love to shut them up.”

The kettle whistles on the stove, and Yuri grabs it huffily.  He’s blushing.  He’s halfway to 85 and he’s blushing.  

“Maybe I was saying we didn’t have to because I don’t want to,” Otabek says.  If possible, Yuri’s blush deepens.  He turns his back to Otabek and pours the water over the overstuffed tea bags with a steady hand.  

“Fine,” he says.  He’s sure Otabek is just teasing him now. 

“Fine?” Otabek repeats.  

“Fine!”  Yuri grabs the cool milk pitcher from the counter and, as expected, pours more milk than water into his tea.  “Beka, we’ve always-- we knew we weren’t going to be two kids on the back of a motorbike forever.  We knew that would end, like we knew competitive skating would end, like we knew music would change and clothes would change and we would change. I’m not going to stop loving you now because something else changed.  We’ve always changed together.  I don’t care if you have Victor Nikiforov’s dick, or if you don’t want to fuck me anymore, as long as I get to be with you.”

Yuri hears Otabek exhale shaky, the sound of the table creaking as Otabek grips it to help push himself up.  Otabek shuffles toward him slow, and then Yuri feels Otabek’s arms circle around his middle; he’s stayed lanky all this time, and Otabek’s stayed robust, and the way he embraces Yuri has stayed so tight, grounding like an anchor.

 “Fifteen-year-old Yuri would have never said that,” Otabek says in his ear.  His voice is like honey.   

“That’s not true.  Fifteen-year-old Yuri would have said anything to get you to like him,” Yuri replies, and he feels Otabek press a smile into the crown of his head.  “Fifteen-year-old Yuri would have said it, he just wouldn’t have meant it.”

“Do you mean it?” Otabek asks, dry, thin-lipped kisses down the back of his neck.

“Of course, old man,” Yuri replies, turning around.  He grabs Otabek’s soft cheeks in his hands, fingers curling into Otabek’s sideburns.  When he kisses Otabek, softly, Otabek tastes like the same awful chalky dry toothpaste tabs he’s used for the past thirty years, and a little like sleep.  He licks a little into Otabek’s mouth just to be a shit, and Otabek laughs, grabbing at his collar as Yuri pulls back with his tongue out.  “Don’t be stupid.” 

 “I’m not okay with people shipping Otayuri … because I wanna know what made them look at yurio in canon and think ‘i wanna see him older and sexy’”

[REJECTED PROVERB, SOME DIPSHIT ON TUMBLR]

[neurunique]

Hopefully this app don’t crash

Cause I’m about to write a RitalinRealisation🌈

First things first, I write so much shit before I get to the final point. So if ya get impatient skip to the end but trust me it’ll be WORTH IT.

was sitting in bed studying chemistry work when I realised something.

So for most of my life up until I started medication, I had symptoms of “bipolar 2”, ADD, autism spectrum, obsessive compulsive... etc. let’s just go short version and say I’m on the spectrum with a bit of manic depression occasionally (it’s honestly so rare I tried medication for it once and I turned into a zombie and I’ve received cognitive therapy for it so I’m STABLE that’s the main part) with VERY TEMPORARY and STRANGE attention span.

So let’s talk like... obsessions or “special interests”.

Whole life filled with obsessions where my brain just would. Not. Even. Try. To pay attention to ANYTHING other than the special interest; every conversation dictated by it etc, people be like can you talk about anything else? Like looool. Funny to look back at that (I still do it occasionally. It ain’t a bad thing I love it just damn it had some impact on those around me) and so when I got super obsessed my BRAIN would be like I Am SO HAPPY, I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS, THIS IS SO INTERESTING! TIS IS MY LIFE NOW. EVERYTHING REVOLVES around it, and it’s all I want to do, EVER. So like naturally my school grades were up and down during obsession phases, like, sometimes I’d get straight A in assignments I could relate TO THE OBSESSIONS. Like fuck me the train of thought would just COME. So I was good at that, most reports from school were like “Petal is amazing at what she’s INTERESTED IN but won’t even THINK about trying what she isn’t” (could’ve used Ritalin a long time ago tbh but irrelevant). Anyway anyway . DOPAMIne. That’s what I realised today. DOPAMIne and obsessions ! I draw write sing imagine... to do with the obsession and then bam dopamine. High of life . Who cares why, fights at home or rejection from peers it’s FINE I just DOPAMINE. It’s all I needed. And so yes, whenever I GO OFF MY MEDS IVE NOTICED

That like (why is Tumblr’s enter gap so huge ) I get that obsession mindset again, like I can’t do anything without the special interest. With my meds, the interest is still there, but my dopamine or mood is like LEVEL and not DEPENDENT on the obsession. Like I can do shit, study and converse and socialise and learn social skills I never did , with the dopamine levelled our. So like Ritalin doesn’t give me skills, it gives me balance . and when I go off it, I get “manic” as others see it, however it’s literally just the increase of dopamine due to the obsession dependence returning (literally opposite of drug dependence; the drug is the antidote and my brain is the dependence)

I’m literally just Sherlock Holmes addicted to my brain like a narcissist

AnywAaaay

So the times I’ve written bullions of fanfics about sonic? ~”manic episode” as they say MORE LIKE SUPER INVOLVED IN MY SPECIAL INTEREST

Gaming for ten hours to make one goal? Not manic just hyper focused because I love the game and the act and the repetition .

So yep. The conclusion is essentially this: my special interests are pervasive as fuck and luckily I can manage them with the use of awareness of sugar intake and dopamine levels otherwise influenced by things apart from medication; Ritalin helps me regulate dopamine but to be honest it sends me to sleep half the time (probably cu when I have the dopamine already, it’s like no sleepy time no mania for you); and it helps me be human - for the most part! I still burn out like a motherfucker, even on it - social interactions are draining during times of adjustment or stress (mostly always); I can only manage one or two a day now that I live with my partner. I could literally achieve a fucking whole novel if it was about my obsession (current ones are seven deadly sins and sonic of course although that ones kinda melting a bit, BAN FOR LIFE) without Ritalin to regulate myself, like I don’t feel dead inside on medication as some peopl describe it , I more feel like I can put aside those intense urges and addictions towards my obsessive behaviours and just carry on and FOCUS on things that aren’t the obsessions

Honestly if it wasn’t for the fact I get special interests, most of my symptoms would just be ADD. But ASD INCLUDES like special interests and social cues deterance (I been learning thougu, thanks to focus being level). So yeppp.

Oh also, Ritalin is more effective for me than Dexies because:

Dexies actually increase dopamine directly whereas Ritalin is simply a “dopamine reuptake” so like in my mind I feel like it doesn’t release dopamine , it simply does what the brain needs (my brain). Hence why people probably prefer aderall over Ritalin for study drugs whereas Ritalin helps me actually function,

If I’m tired, it’ll wake up a bit. Or it’ll send me to sleep. If I’m deep in mania or dependence on obsess, it’ll send me to sleep or bring me back to reality.

Antipsychotics don’t work on me; they make the world blurry and fuzzy and confusing; I am not psychotic and it doesn’t calm me down and it just makes me more anxious.

Tried to ask for benzos for when I’m anxious but doctor was like no ;.; good thing I am relearning my therapy skills.

I am extremely high functioning as an aspie, but the requirements to work thirty hour week jobs or 9-5 will just never be there for me. In terms of social burn out, even once I’ve leRned all I can about people and friendships, my brain will not be able to process it. If I live alone it’s easier but I love my partner So. I need so much alone time and he knows that, sometimes I feel bad but it’s just who I am. And I have tried to work normal hours before but I just can’t. Inwant to be able to work from home one day, whether it’s art (gosh I wish) or research... people mistake me for having depression or social anxiety but while I have a few symptoms of both at times (anxiety is super severe tbh) it originates from things like social burn out and claustrophobia. I am managing though and doing therapy SOON yay. I just had to write all this cause I’m trying so hard in real life not to explain my Behavior, something I done my whole life; now that I have been screened and I’m being officially diagnosed with spectrum disorders it’s just so tempting to rigt my wrongs with people by saying hey! This is why I did stuff that was confusing!

Aspergers doesn’t define me though nor is it my identity; I’m still ME the me I’ve always been; it’s great to get help for it but I really have to pay attention to my strengths and meet goals. Cuz it’s so exciting to have these revelations !! Hence text post!! But when I say it in person I speak too fast or too slow or I mumble and people think I’m MANIC (yes I appear manic but honestly just excited orndopamine releaze) by the way don’t ever tell someone they come across as manic unless you know the legit symptoms and you can differentiate between someone who’s excited about a special interest or realisation, or whatever, and actual manic episodes (they tend to last over a week and are accompanied by many symptoms including no sleep or food aswell as sometimes a lot of things beyond physical capabilities; sitting on the toilet writing an essay while relaxed and in the middle of assignments ain’t mania Jsyk) lots of my aspie friends get super happy about stuff or connection and we seem manic but we ARENT so just listen to the exact words we use and respond accordingly. Like... that’s just me tho. Sometimes I’m upset and it’s different, that’s just regarding conversation about shit I’m excited about~~~

SO YEP 👍 THATS MY RANT THank you Edit: I am manic bipolar

[trulycertain]

The Shield Raised Masterpost

May also be of interest: The Great Big Masterpost (everything I’ve ever written on Tumblr) The Armour masterpost (F!Amell/Alistair) The An Unquenchable Flame masterpost (F!Trevelyan/Cullen) The Knight Shop masterpost (multi-writer modern AU)

Shield Raised is a series of drabbles about my stoic, awkward Trevelyan, Gal, and his romance with Dorian. a.k.a., “A Marcher nearly-templar, a Tevinter altus, and a slow understanding.” The Inquisition-era ones (though not the pre- and post-game ones) are collected on AO3 here.

Pre-Inquisition

sans peur et sans reproche: Basically, Gal’s angsty backstory. Chantries, angry young men and controlling mothers.

Haven

Rejection: The Herald has barely spoken since he arrived. (Josephine, Gal and the beginning of a tentative friendship.)

Futures: Dorian thinks the supposed Herald of Andraste is rather… odd.

The Measure: Dorian, Gal and a slow understanding. Also Dorian working out. Because apparently that’s important?

Drinking with the Tevinter: The Inquisition isn’t happy having someone from the Imperium in its ranks. Gal feels rather differently.

Questions and Answers: Gal gets upset and a bit drunk and finally opens up about his past. That’s pretty much it.

pictures in the snow: The attack on Haven and Gal’s apparent death.

Skyhold

Crossing: Turns out Gal’s alive. Cue Skyhold, UST and a step forwards.

Mamihlapinatapei: Promptfic. Mamihlapinatapei - The look between two people in which each loves the other but is too afraid to make the first move.

Sweet Nothing: The companions attempt to be helpful because the UST is getting painful to watch. Gal and Dorian do not appreciate it, but it gives them food for thought.

Liminal: Dorian tries to deal with being chucked into the Fade, and then with his father, and lines are crossed. Angsty as hell, even by Shield Raised standards.

Out Of My Head: Post-Last Resort Of Good Men. Dorian gets drunk, tries not to snog Gal and is homesick.

Answers: In which they finally spit it out. Only took them 21k.

Rumours:  A revised and improved rewrite of “Answers.” Blech, kissing.

Attachment: Some fluff, some angst, some snogging. In the aftermath of That Kiss, Gal and Dorian try to work out what this thing between them is.

Truths: Homesickness, making out, and Dorian playing the “what, of course I’m not falling for him, what do you mean I called him amatus, I don’t even know what that means” game.

Promises: “Wishing but wondering, wounded and wistful. What if he doesn’t want me after?” A seduction, and Dorian waiting to get his heart broken. As usual.

the light of day: In which all the companions have an opinion. Of course.

Chess: Gal gets trounced at chess by a twelve-year-old. Oh, and he and Irene talk about happiness.

Pretexts:  SFW, despite subject matter. Gal attempts to find time to do some “paperwork.” Said paperwork has a moustache.

Gifts, and surprises: Two short drabbles for the prompts “Did you do this?” and “So uh. I noticed you’re kinda naked. Is that intentional, or… ?” Gal and Dorian attempt to be spontaneous, with varying levels of success.

Sers: SFW, but written for #sexlaughterhonesty Week and the theme “coitus interruptus”. In which a messenger is privy to too much.

A Request: Short snippet. Josephine and Gal, pre-Winter Palace.

Formality: Why they got scruffy!Gal at Halamshiral, despite Josephine’s wishes.

A letter found on the Inquisitor’s desk: For the Dragon Age 100 prompt “Family.” Gal and an old friend from the Chantry days.

The Golden Floor: Halamshiral fluff, and why dancing can sometimes be an act of bravery.

Kohl: The adventures of Gal and Dorian and their battles with eyeliner. Does a little bit of timeline-hopping.

Mornings: On waking up together and Gal’s ridiculously large bed.

Mutual Domesticity: “You didn’t think I lived in leathers, did you?”

Maps: Short promptfic for “kisses meant to distract the other person from whatever they were intently doing.“

Dignity: Very daft fluff. Gal’s battles with the Helm of the Inquisitor. And prima sandwicha.

Ironically, Zombie Spider: What it says on the tin. Dorian really, really needs to stop idle magic experiments.

For Now:  The Arbour Wilds fallout, and the “I’m going back to Tevinter” conversation. Angst, 5.1k.

“So if Gal’s 'amatus’, what does he call you?” Very short headcanon drabble thing.

Post-game

A Problem: Spans from shortly after their meeting to post-game. About 7k. Dorian and his struggles with The Dreaded L Word.

The Hangover: The big “we survived” celebration. Gal finally gets truly, astonishingly drunk, and emotional honesty happens. Much to his horror. Also: sorbet.

Malapert: Promptfic. Malapert - Clever in manners of speech.

“I love you” - said loudly, so everyone can hear

The Trespasser hair: Short, silly headcanon drabble.

Trespasser

Worst Case Scenario: Angsty AU drabble where Trespasser was even more difficult for Gal and Dorian. I let these two be happy sometimes. I promise.

Green: How Trespasser actually went. Truthfully, it’s not much less angsty than the AU.

Post-Trespasser

on the turning away: Leaving, and coming back.

Depth Over Distance: Gal, Dorian and managing the long-distance thing. Partly epistolary. Also, the return of Erren.

The Trespasser hair, part two: Gal has opinions on long-haired Dorian.

“I love you” - said as a thank you

Pain: Gal gets another tattoo. Dorian has… thoughts on it. Written for a Dragon Age 100 Challenge prompt.

A Question: What it says on the tin.

AUs

it’s running you with red: A short, miserable red-templar!Gal drabble.

Birthright (AO3): Another of the not quite fairy tales: the Cinderella AU no-one asked for. In a world where things happened slightly differently, Dorian takes a masked ball as a chance to covertly investigate this Inquisition he’s heard so much about. It’s only one night. Not much can go wrong. Can it? (Spoiler: The answer is yes. Or it can go very, very right.)

“Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.” (All things change, and we change with them.) For a prompt. In which a time travel experiment goes wrong and Dorian ends up meeting a very sad eighteen-year-old stuck-in-the-Chantry Gal.

Reprise: Or “the one where Gal freaks out and breaks up with Dorian in Trespasser because he is an idiot, and they have to sort things out nearly two years later.” Ten-parter (there is a lot of mess to sort out). Over at AO3 | On Tumblr: Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |  Angsty extra drabble | 9 | 10

That very silly modern AU where they met at Yvaine’s wedding

Antivan Brandy: “I’d make an excellent spy. Charming, handsome, perfect teeth and hair…”

july forever (AO3): These visiting Tevinters are going to be fundamental for trade. The Trevelyans' son is under no circumstances to do anything stupid or inappropriate to embarrass the family, like seducing any of their foreign guests. Unfortunately, said Tevinters' son has rather different ideas.The "angry young men have a doomed summer romance" AU.

The Knight Shop stuff (modern-ish fluff-ish AU)

Terms & Conditions - The problem with distinguished old houses is that they tend to fall down around your ears when ignored for a decade. Dorian needs a handyman (possibly a whole squad of them). Gal is... well, a one-man most-of-a-squad. Or a knight.

Revenge - Gal’s all pink round the edges due to the Shop’s newest customer. Time for Alistair to tease him relentlessly about it. “I didn’t know ‘seventeenth-century villain’ was your type, but whatever works for you…”

“The washing machine broke, I almost lost my keys, the car got dented, and a wasp got into the house and hijacked the bedroom for four days! Four. Days.” Promptfic. The Knight Shop AU I will someday write properly with these two.

A to B - That time Dorian ended up on the back of Gal’s bike. Yeah, really.

DELETED SCENES

The First Round - Very important shirtless *cough* plot.

Happiness - Gal, Irene and a game of chess

Graphic depictions of cuddling

If asked, “When did you first fall in love?” both Gal and Dorian will struggle to answer the question.

OUTTAKES

Tru and Gal get a pint together, part one

Tru and Gal get a pint together, part two

“Only one orgy?”

Very, very bad jokes

HEADCANONS/COMMENTARY

Gal headcanons and history

More headcanons/extra info on Gal

Why Gal is called Galahad

Half-asleep Gal

Haircanons - Gal’s “phases” after DAI

Ten questions for Gal

Pros and cons of dating Gal (what pros?)

Gal and romance

Gal vs. TVTropes

Gal/Dorian couple-y silliness

Gal, Dorian and the bedroom (not quite as unsafe for work as it sounds)

Erren headcanons and info

Dorian headcanons (very general, but might tell you a bit about how I write him)

Dorian totally had a punk phase (Knight Shop/modern AU, I guess?)

Shield Raised and horses

Chev Trev The Horse