#tumblr is where i know i can vent without people bothering me

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Hello!! I'm new to this blog (been stalking your posts for an hour now and your content is so goooood) and new to the entire asking and stuff but I saw you have like little snippets of commenting on stuff and all or answering little things people send you and I wanted to put my two cents in because the way you write Shanks Mihawk and Sanji has me weakkkk

I really love the idea of a silent language between them and their lovers. Like especially Mihawk because both Sanji and Shanks are loud and proud but like the kind of silent language where you can understand a 'take me out of here' or 'please don't react to this idiot' or a 'omg did you see that puppy it's so cute' kind of thing with just your eyes or some touches a certain way in the arm or smth I don't know I'm so weak for these men and I love your writing of them okay byeee

Ahem:

(been stalking your posts for an hour now and your content is so goooood)

First of all, may I just say the following:

Thank you so so so so so much!! I'm incredibly glad and grateful that you've enjoyed everything. This whole blog is really just a mess of simping and shitposting lately. And it has also been my personal venting space. And given my life as of the late has been some unholy conglomeration of a shitshow, a soap opera, and a dumpster fire (a ShitFire DumpsterOpera Show, if you will), I remain wholly astounded on a day to day basis that anyone at all has even remained with me for this long. I've only been on Tumblr for three months myself, since around the end of September.

Aaaaanywho.

I love the silent language idea. Definitely a thing with Mihawk. I can still see it working with Sanji. Definitely not with Shanks though, poor bb couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it.

But basically, as a scenario, Reader is sitting at the bar being hit on by some Random Weirdo and looking for a quick, preferably quiet way out of the situation and tries to silently signal one of them and.....

Reader: *catches eye of S/O* *curt nod toward Weirdo to signify her discomfort*

Sanji: *hurries over* Everything alright, love? *pulls you to his side, glaring pointedly at Weirdo*This prick bothering you?

May or may not dissolve into a fight

Mihawk: *lifts an eyebrow and nods toward his sword at his back* *you quickly shake your head, no need to slice anyone in half today* *he just rolls his eyes a bit, strolls over, and puts himself between you and Weirdo* *and casually leads you away, attracting no further attention*

No fight, you leave without causing any sort of scene at all

Shanks: *catches your eye* *catches Random Weirdo's eye* *literally shouting from the other side other tavern while you cringe and lay your head down on the bar* Hey, jackass! You lay one goddamned hand on her and so help me-"

Full-on barroom-brawl chaos ensues

[faeriekit]

some venting: on parent fandom acceptance and the danny phantom tag

Honestly, the worst thing that certain Danny Phantom fans have done on this site to other fans is say that dp x dc is its own fandom. It's not. There's no such thing as a "crossover fandom" unique unto itself. You can say that people are too into this crossover or too into this au or whatever, but people who are fans of DC and Danny Phantom are into Danny Phantom and DC. That's just. What it is. Both properties are cool and combining them adds more characters and settings to play with together. All lore leads back to one or both parent fandoms, because those are the source material.

"Well the DC crossovers are so different—" Please. There have been Danny Phantom and Teen Titans crossovers since Danny Phantom was airing. I have read crossovers with House, NCIS, Supernatural, and probably anything else ffn had to bother with. One of my favorite works is a Gravity Falls fancomic that I still hope will update one day. No one cared how it was crossover then. In fact, I would say that we were one of the most crossed-over properties I knew of at the time that wasn't a SuperWhoLock-type popular show. DC crossovers are not new, they're just popular now.

"Well, it's got its own lore! >:(" Oh, like the vivisection aus? The Full Ghost aus? The corpse aus? The Danny-is-a-portal aus?? Tell me more about how new it is for an au to have its own unique lore. Love to hear it. Definitely it's the same for every author with no variation. There's for sure no unique takes from fans at every step of the way.

"Well, there's so MUCH of it." Tell me more about how other people having fun in their own way is your problem. Go ahead. Tell me more about how other people doing their own thing is personally horrible to you. It's really terrible when people do things you don't want to engage with, isn't it. It has to be separate from your fun. There is definitely no place where they blend; it has to be segregated altogether.

"But they're doing it in MY tag!" Oh, the Danny Phantom tag? The one with Danny in it? Where he's a main character? In the art and fic where he features??

The result is exactly as you'd expect; people who would be interested in joining the Danny Phantom community and making art and fic long-term because they like the characters and the show are getting sidelined because they're failing to like the show in the 'right way'. People who might love to join in and participate in community events and discussion and bring new ideas and aus to the table are being told that they like something completely different than the show in a way that, you know, somehow the original and extremely malleable fandom isn't??

I've been following multiple Danny Phantom blogs (or their author blogs that used to post dp fic) on and off on different accounts since 2015. I used to read Danny Phantom fanfic on ffn on my ipod touch during lunch or on my laptop once I made it home from school years before I even made a tumblr. I used to look forward to Dannymay and Ectober and I think I was even on tumblr the year that Narwhals started the Dannypocalypse?? (I for sure only saw the fallout though. I think I was busy that day)

I don't even open the Danny Phantom tag anymore. I still follow the people I follow...minus the people who've talked crap about fans who like Danny Phantom wrong, apparently, and I hope that good art comes my way without the constant underlying message that we're a scourge on our own fandom, I guess.

Congrats. There are no Danny Phantom fans who find the show through this form of crossover content. You've convinced them there's no point. They have their own tag, their own headcanons, their own fics, and their own culture. Are you happy now? Are you proud to be the fandom that doesn't want new fans? Is it nice, that people won't want to see your art and fics now, despite being hungry for new content? Did it help? Are you better for it? Did you maintain that canon purity you craved??

I saw a supernatural x danny phantom art piece today that kicked ass. It's from an artist I really, really like, who makes a lot of great stuff. I've bought their merch before and was excited all the way through their creative journey. No one tried to jump on them for crossover posting in the Danny Phantom space, using lore that's unique to that crossover.

But it's not about the crossover itself, is it.

[theprismyyy]

Honestly, I read on several different platforms, both here on Tumblr, and on Wattpad, ao3 and others... and so, in general, they are all great apps with great stories to read, but there is one thing that bothers me about all of them, mainly and especially on Ao3, and the amount of disgusting content involving serious subjects like incest, rape and others that I won't bother mentioning here; What irritates me most about this is the lack of filter in the app.I'm only saying all this because the following happened, I was simply reading some stories about Gwen Stacy on the said app (ao3) when I came across atrocities like a fanfic whose plot was literally an incestuous relationship between Gwen and her father....man , I just wanted to read some fluffy fluff and not come across unnecessary and unsolicited material, I didn't bother opening this (obviously) and I didn't even want to, I was honestly disgusted... Also, I came across another whose plot idea was even more horrible... I don't know, it all just made me think that maybe these apps need more serious and firm rules and punishments in the face of these things; such serious and criminal topics being written in a sick manner to normalize and entertain more disgusting and sick people is still dark, it's even darker how little we talk about it and how little the developers seem to care, I imagine dealing with demands so big ones must be extremely difficult but we don't even see a movement to deal with these things...IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S JUST A CHARACTER, IT DOESN'T MATTER HE OR SHE DOESN'T EXIST, FUCK YOU AND YOUR SICK SHIT THAT USES THIS AS AN "ARGUMENT" TO WRITE CRIMINAL THINGS AND FEED YOUR FANTASIES DISGUSTING!!!! WHAT WE WRITE AND CONSUME SAYS A LOT ABOUT THE TYPE OF PEOPLE WE ARE AND IF YOU CONSUME IT AND DON'T SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS TYPE OF CONTENT THEN PLEASE FUCK YOU

Anyway, this was just me venting because honestly I was extremely uncomfortable, I just wanted to read some nonsense and I had to come across something so sickening.

Edit: Apparently this is necessary as I may not have been as specific on some points and some people don't seem to understand (or don't want to understand)

It wasn't a personal "attack" on the Ao3 platform, I just used it as an example because that's usually where this type of work ends up appearing more.

2. Yes, I know and use the filtering system, Still, I think they are very often very flawed... besides, many of the people who write this type of content use tags that have nothing to do with the plot of the story to achieve greater visibility.

3. Yes... teenagers have sex 😱 wow what an incredible discovery!!! I know a lot of movies, shows, etc. portray this openly, I personally don't feel comfortable writing smut in general and everyone has their own opinion about it, but I understand there are a lot of writers who do this normalization and trivialization of a CRIME!

4. I know that many people use writing as a coping mechanism, but I think it is very unlikely that a person who has been through a situation, such as rape, for example, You'll write about it like it's something sexy or the best experience you've ever had in your life, like a lot of these types of writers do.

5. Yes, one of the joys of writing is that we can explore the deepest, most complex aspects of humanity without directly hurting anyone, and I love that, but we need to take responsibility for that.

6. There was a guy here who literally said that it's because of people like me that you can't have porn on Tumblr anymore...but why would there need to be porn here? Why just not open on an adult site like pornhub or xvideos?

7. I was indirectly called a facist through a Hashtag.... not supporting the normalization of rape, incest, etc. apparently makes me a facist😍

(I really am completely willing to hear opinions and comments, but I will not tolerate disrespect in the comments. That's it and thank you)

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

how to make friends in anime / fandom space without feeling like i am pulling up a chair to a lunch table that’s already full. how to not be sad when i don’t receive asks and see my mutuals tag other people in art of my fav and exclude me. etc etc. how to

there’s no easy answer to this anon!!!!! literally all of us feel this way at some point, it’s normal to feel and sucky regardless!!!! :’)

i think most of it boils down to a couple things;

first, you need to realize that the people who aren’t interacting with you aren’t doing it out of malice!!! i think it can be easy to get sucked into a spiral of overthinking, assuming people dislike you, etc — but it usually isn’t like that at all. the people who aren’t tagging you in fanart aren’t excluding you on purpose — maybe they just don’t want to bother you. maybe they’re nervous. maybe it genuinely slipped their mind — it happens!! you need to be understanding and realize that it’s almost never as deep as your brain makes it seem. because otherwise you’ll just get more and more hurt by it.

i also think it boils down to finding your people — and i know that’s a lot easier said than done, but that’s just how it is. your personality isn’t going to mash with all people on here. focus on being yourself, not feeling ashamed of taking up space (again, easier said than done!!! believe me, i know!!!!), and taking the initiative to interact with people. sometimes other people need a little push to give that back. sometimes they’re just as nervous as you may be, even if it doesn’t seem like it. you know? if you post about your interests, and interact here and there (even when it’s scary!!) the right people will find you. (<- said comfortingly not threateningly)

and, most important of all!!!!! allow yourself to be a little sad and mopey. it helps. if you feel excluded then you feel excluded, and that’s all there is to it. you’re allowed to feel upset about that, even if there truly isn’t any malice involved. so mope!!!!!!! let yourself sulk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the feeling will pass. make yourself a meal, drink water, take a walk. watch your comfort show. don’t let yourself fall into a negative headspace just because of a silly website.

also !!!!! try to be patient, even if it’s difficult. it can be hard watching other blogs around you get more asks and etc, but it might just be because they’ve been active for longer than you, or gathered a bigger following. again, you’re allowed to feel upset about that — but you need to give it time. no one starts out with tons of anons or moots or interactions. give it time, and try to find people who you genuinely enjoy talking to, and who genuinely enjoy talking to you :3

^ i get that literally all of this is easier said than done, and maybe you just wanted to vent and don’t need my advice, but i’ll put it here anyway :’) i’m extremely lucky with anons and moots and i’m very grateful for that, but just know that it has taken me time. and even now there are times where i feel excluded from the community on here!! when i do, it helps a lot to just remove myself from tumblr for a bit, get into a better headspace, and then log back on.

………. anyway . this turned out longer than i thought but just know i’m wishing you the best anon!!!! i hope this helps, even just a little bit :’) and i hope you feel more at home on this website soon <333333

[alaskan-wallflower]

I don't think you're being a baby dude, some people can just be shitty and it hurts like a bitch being around them. I can't really think to say anything other than ur valid asf and I hope she treats you better about those things. But again idk the details of your home life so hope I'm not over stepping🫂

no no-not overstepping at all. i don’t talk about my home life much on here because im paranoid and my parents snoop through my phone sometimes (and they don’t even know i have a tumblr) but like…it’s very on again off again. i have a much better relationship with my dad than my mom, i wont lie. especially in scenarios like this where i told my dad and the first thing he asked was if i felt up to staying in school while my mom just told me “life moves on it doesn’t matter because i feel like shit too” like…not to get venty here but with her it just seems to be an all about me scenario, it’s always “you’re bothering me with xyz” or “you’re invalid because I think…” like it gets frustrating. like even last night she was yelling at me for something with college and i told her that she never snapped at my brother like that and then she went off on a whole “i screamed at him so bad over college, you can ask him yourself” tangent like idk that’s not smth to brag about to me

i have a much better relationship with my dad, won’t lie. but it’s just that and the fact that i feel like i can’t say anything to my mom without her making it about her and without having to feel like im always the villain it just gets frustrating. like ever since i was a kid unless i was vomiting then i would be in school because “im being a baby and faking it because i have a test or just don’t wanna go to school” i know nobody asked but idk, had to vent.

anyway. this is really sweet of you to say-i get in my own head a lot. it just sucks because after having her demean me it just makes me feel like i am being a baby. idk.

[a-hobit]

Using my tumblr account as a vent space once again!

So for reasons unspecified I’m an adult still living with my parents and grandmother. I’m almost 21 and I’ve lived in a shoebox apartment with my mom (and now stepdad and old lady) for as long as I can remember. I used to live in a house but really I don’t remember it. The fact we were pretty tight with cash didn’t really bother me growing up but as a full adult now with my own money it feels so unfairly good to spend it on the things I want. I try to spoil my mother whenever I can but she’s pretty hard to buy for. She gave up literally everything for me and my sister. She gave up everything she loved to take us away from my biological dad. I have always known that the life she has is not the one she wanted for me, my sister, or herself. She wanted a home she was proud to go back to and that her children could grow up in. She wanted to host family gatherings and have me and my sister invite guests over. She wanted to grow a seed in the backyard and watch It grow into a tree like she watched her children grow.

It really has always killed me to know that while I may not mind where we are it hurts her deeply that I do not remember that house. That I do not remember a complete family or a simple life. And that as much as she gave up for us it still wasn’t enough. I wonder how many people can say that they understand my mother — she always had friends with simple easy lives that she couldn’t seem to cry to and so she held in that grief of a broken family and that lost life by herself for as long as we’ve lived here.

Now like a gift from the greatest tragedy my mother has that opportunity to buy that home. Not the original one, not that one but a different home. Something she’s proud of. I see how stressed it makes her to have this thing she’s wanted. How she’s having such a hard time choosing.

I am definitely making this harder on her. I know that. I do have my own opinions about where I’d like to live and I’ve always kind of dreamed what that first house might look like when we got the money. Upstairs or downstairs? Dibs on which room? Where would you like your bed? Can you please mow the lawn today sweetie? Have you unpacked everything yet? Will you park the cars in the garage — I think there’s hail coming. Will you take the trash? Will you tend the garden? Will you take the dog out? Can you come home soon? How late will you be?

Do you want to see how big you’ve grown? I can mark it on the wall.

I know some of that already happened. Not the exact same but it happened. I guess maybe ive been idolizing that life in my head so much it’s strange that I now get to watch it play out…but it isn’t really how I wanted it either right?

I’m not a child anymore.

Im not going to live in this house for more than a year — maybe some months in between out of college? This is not going to be my home like it is theirs. Im not part of this like I dreamed about.

And isn’t it true? Why would it ever matter what I thought when I didn’t have to look at it for more than a year or two? Why come along to house showings? Why be nervous about my mom loving a house I hate so deeply because I can’t see myself there with her? Why voice that complaint?

Why say anything at all?

Why worry? If she loves it? If it’s her dream and it just doesn’t include you for long? You should just keep your mouth shut because of how much you’re hurting her how much you know it’s painful to hear you be excited about a house that isn’t even going to be yours — she knows she knows it.

Now you know it.

But GOD it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. It’s so hard to know now. The reality is so painful you’d rather just stay here. And isn’t that awful? Aren’t you just awful to wish for your loving mother to stay here and rot with you because you can’t handle her being happy without you?

But it feels like rotting already.

[celestialsun123]

Okay, tumblr is my ‘safe space’ other than my room, so I’m going to talk and anyone who wants to can listen. Aka all the stuff I’m gonna say will take up a lot of room so take a look under the ‘keep reading’ if you care enough to lol

There are a couple of JIC trigger warnings: mentions of church/religious settings (not talked about in a negative way), doctors, uhh there’s a time where I talk about someone yelling at me?

without further ado, here's my vent for the day.

I stress out so much over liking anything posted by autistic people. I’m so sorry, I have literally nothing against you, I just freak out for no reason cause once I heard someone on YouTube say ‘if you aren’t autistic your opinion is completely invalid here’ and I’ve taken it to heart 🥲

I will go to like a post but then go ‘wait… that explicitly says it’s about autistic people/autism… I can’t! I don’t count!’ (And I am so salty about stuff like that cause I’ve thought to myself ‘well what if I’m agreeing about something that they approve of?’ But it still isn’t enough to justify it to myself.) (again, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST Y'ALL)

I was considering asking my doctor if I should get evaluated for stuff but I also really don’t want to because what if they just say ‘nope, you’re normal. Why’d you even bother?’ And I KNOW I’m not neurotypical because I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and there is no WAY it’s normal to feel like your entire day has been completely and utterly ruined by someone not telling you clearly that if you didn’t go eat the leftovers of your family that you wanted, it’d be passed on to the others.

Oops, that’s not where that was meant to go, but I’m keeping it.

My original point BEING, I have a feeling I don’t JUST have GAD, I wanna get evaluated for Autism and ADHD, but the imposter syndrome (can I even use that here? I’m not autistic so does that mean it’s… rejection or something?) is too much and I’m gonna wimp out of bringing it up to the doctors. I’m fairly certain I have ADHD tho, cause everything I’ve watched I’ve basically agreed with. (And yeah, the internet isn’t good source material, but there are some good people on there.)

Also I'm so worried that I'm just copying people. Like, I didn't used to stim until AFTER I learned about autism and ADHD, so what's to say that I'm not just copy pasting? And that's not genuine and it's probably also rude.

Oh and on the topic of being too sensitive for my own good, let’s talk about how I deal with people scolding me. (Other than my parents.)

I genuine want to cry any time it happens. I had some pretty bad experiences of that kind of thing (maybe like 3-4 years ago?) and they happen to be some of the only clear memories I have of pandemic times cause everything kinda blurs together from that time. The clearest one and the one that affected (is that the right one?) me the most was when some of the neighborhood kids got in trouble for hurting each other from a tree in my sibling’s best friend’s yard. I was a witness, but I wasn’t paying a ton of attention to the situation. The sibling’s best friend’s mom asked me to tell my version of the story, so I did. I tried my best not to twist anything and to make it clear that I wasn’t sure about anything. Without me noticing (cause my back was turned) one of the kids mom’s (the one who had done the potential hurting) came up behind us and started yelling at me for ‘lying for no reason’ and ‘being rude’ and how ‘her kid would never do anything wrong, so if I wanted to go tell lies for fun she would go and tell my parents.’ Y’know, the kind of thing you tell semi-kids.

So from then on, I tend to have to choke back tears when not my parents scold me.

Another time (this week actually) was when I was scolded for acting my age at church. Now, I’m not a CHILD, so I see where the person was coming from. But I was also having fun with my friends. We were joking around, and one of the old people came up and scolded us. I thought I was fine till I got home and then realized that stimming in any way, even in my room, now felt childish and horrible and like I shouldn’t be doing it. (I’ve gotten over this, I’m back to normal. Ish.)

So yeah. I guess I take things too seriously? And it REALLY frustrates me. Like I can’t just let things go, can I? No, cause that’d be EASY.

Also, don’t you just hate it when you feel the urge to stim (hand flapping specifically in this case) but your muscles/wrist is in pain for no explicable reason?

[dumplingsjinson]

sooooo, i know i said i wasn't going to post anything personal, at least in regards to my dating life, on here but lo and behold! i'm a liar, but the person who found out about this account might never go onto my blog again (if you're here for some reason then hi? idk why you'd come back here but okay. i hope you're okay. and if you're not, i hope you will be okay. and also, this is NOT about the long distant guy that maybe one or two of you are familiar with). so, here goes: we broke off whatever it was that was going on. i don't like them back that way, and i don't see myself liking them back that way in the foreseeable future.

so we broke it off on good terms.

we're not going to talk anymore, and it definitely will take time getting used to since we did text back and forth everyday for the past two months, up until today. it will take time to get used to not seeing their name on my phone constantly, or waking up to their messages, but it'll eventually go back to how it used to be, when we never spoke before.

i admittedly do feel a little empty as of right now, which is a me issue entirely. maybe i'm dealing with the sadness of losing a connection i've made with someone? maybe i don't deserve to feel this sadness. i don't know. there was definitely a bit of a connection there, though ephemeral, even if it wasn't a romantic one. i think (i know) i'll be okay, and i really, really hope they'll be okay, too (because rejection doesn't feel good. it's never an easy pill to swallow, knowing you're not the one for that someone. it doesn't feel good to reject someone, either).

i think it'll be good for the both of us in the long run.

i'm still processing this whole thing, but i think it'll be okay soon. :) and i hope they find someone who will like them back, just as much, and if not, more, because they're someone who truly deserves that.

goodbyes aren't easy, and they hurt even when it comes to short-term bonds that were formed. that's all i can say.

(also that whole unmatch thing rant in which i've deleted by now is because i got my feelings hurt for like a day, and then i got over it really quick lmfao. i was talking to some other guy i matched with, and we vibed for a few days, and then he unmatched while we were setting up the date and that hurt translated into frustration and anger and a bruised ego, but i'm okay now, and to whoever said it was a bad break up or something - it wasn't lmao, i was just being a little wuss and had to vent. but i will die on the hill on how you're an asshole if you unmatch without any explanation, especially when you're in the middle of setting up a date. you're just bad at communication and it really, really shows. please work on that if that's what you do to other people, because it's never fun being on the receiving end of being basically ghosted.)

anyway, i'll try to post another prompt list tonight. these babies are pre-written, so my mood right now's not gonna affect them aha.

i will probably post more of my love life (read: online hoe life) again to the one person who bothers reading this shit, simply because nothing's stopping me, and i ALSO am NEVER going to be so dumb to accidentally give too many hints and reveal my tumblr like that to someone ever again lmfaooo. my mask stays ON, bitches!!

(and on an entirely different note that's not so fucking depressing and also very non-serious, i'm going on a date this sunday, and we're going to have oysters lmfao - i might end up calling him oyster dude - but i also don't have much expectations lmfao. they did ask me if we're still on for sunday just earlier today, and i said yes, but i'm prepped for getting unmatched outta no where because some of you men are Cowards. aNYWAY.)

this was a rollercoaster and a very undelightful mess, i'm tired, i have to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow for work, two of my brackets came fucking loose so i have to go to the ortho on monday to get that fixed, and i lowkey wanna die because of that, goodBYEEE.

[mcrmadness]

I noticed that I have started to avoid talking about my personality traits that could make others go "just say autism!!!" to me. I often feel that even in Tumblr tags I need to explain myself. Sometimes I describe something I do or think, and then feel like I need to explain that it's e.g. due to my introvertism/ambivertism, and then I start to feel like I need to leave both parts out completely before someone comes to me to tell me that I should just call myself autistic instead.

Like, I'm so tired of everything being symptoms of something I don't have. I'm so tired of not being "allowed" to be who I am without people constantly trying to diagnose me with autism. I know I am neurodivergent, but there is more to that than just autism, and I don't relate to autism things. I relate to ADHD things and many other overlapping ND things, but that's it.

I used to talk call myself "highly sensitive person" before, but I no longer can do that either because so many people started saying that's just autism. And it annoys me, because I still relate to many HSP things, but none of the things I relate to are actual autism traits.

I've also been asked if me being ND affects my aroaceness. I know even psychiatrists think I'm autistic only because I have never been into dating. I don't understand why do they have to ask about that in general? A while back I decided that if I'm ever asked about dating again by a psychiatrist, I will say "It's none of your business." because it is not, and it's aphobic to diagnose aroace person as an autistic just because they don't date other people, and it's really damn rude towards autistics too (I forgot the other word...) to assume that they wouldn't be capable of normal relationships and dating.

Anyhow, I've really come to that point where I feel like I need to stop talking about myself cos I am constantly afraid of random people coming at me because what I describe sounds like their autism to them. It's like 2013 all over again. Back then I drew a small comic about my thoughts when a doctor started to suggest autism again, and I vented into that comic and it ends in a speech bubble that says "why does everything have to be a symptom of something? Just let me be who I am!" because I was really feeling like that just because I don't fit the mold of neurotypical, the doctors were trying so hard to find stuff that would made me fit the autistic mold, but I was not and still am not "autistic enough" to fit that. And it made me feel like I was an object or something. Not enough of this but also not enough of that, and people trying so hard to make me fit into either, when all I wanted was to be left alone since I seemed to be the only person who was not bothered by me floating somewhere in the grey area. The worst really was the feeling of people also trying to kinda change me so that I would finally fit either end, and of course the doctors always wish that they could make NDs "normal" again which, of course, is not even possible.

But yeah. I've probably just been spending too much time online again but I still don't like it how everything has become symptoms of _something instead of some of them being just regular personality traits...

[owlkhemy]

Owlkhemy's Thoughts on Random Stuff

Nobody asked but I don't really care, it's my blog /lh

Long post incoming so here's a cut

The Term "Phobia"

Phobia means "fear of". I often wonder if I have cosmophobia, or the fear of space, due to having situations and dreams where I felt an intense dread of the night sky.

Phobia does not mean "hate". A homophobe would not hate gay people but rather fear them. A Sinophobe would not hate Chinese people, but rather fear them.

I like the suffix "misia" for those things, cause that means "hatred of". Homomisia, Sinomisia, things like that. Of course, I know that "phobia" is still commonly used that way, and I won't bother trying to correct others. I just think that it can be kind of offensive to actual phobia sufferers. I don't hate space. I think space is cool. It just scares me for no good reason.

Tone Indicators

I was introduced to tone indicators through Tumblr, and while I always knew of /j, /s, and /srs, I wasn't aware there were more. I was sort of like "Everyone is using these all of a sudden and I need to learn themmmm" which is a stupid way to think honestly and just shows how privileged I am not to need them. But I realize now how helpful they are for others and also helpful for my snarky ass statements, like the one at the start of this post. I bet that would've sounded pretty bad without that /lh there.

Toxic Traits? Like, My Own

My three most toxic traits are 1. my brain gets personally offended by self care and self love tips on the internet (like straight up goes "Doesn't apply to us, carry on"), 2. I am very good at convincing myself that since everyone has it worse I can't possibly have any problems, and 3. I have the urge to vent everything online but not to see a therapist or anything. Heh.

Purple Chu Jelly

I and @redpanda411 have been watching a 100% playthrough of Twilight Princess and I love the fact that getting and drinking Purple Chu Jelly is so wild. You can gain hearts, lose hearts, get a full heal, or basically drop to one hit from death. It's like jelly roulette.

Phone Autocorrect

When I accidentally type "xooler than", my phone should know I meant "cooler" based on the fact that X and C are next to each other. Not "Xavier", simply because it begins with X. You'd have to be in a very unique position to type "xooler" instead of "Xavier", and "Xavier than" makes no sense anyway.

This is why I like computer spellcheck better.

[mqfx]

last thing (cuz this is also a thing that kind of pisses me off that I don't talk about much but I'm glad you brought it up); tumblr is not really the place to bother people with these things considering everyone has their own little bubble. find a bubble that suits you and where you can talk about these things. I also learnt the hard way (as a teenager with HPD I know how it is) that people will not give you their time and attention for no reason. there's lots of spaces where people are willing to but it's not everywhere

oopsies I should've included this one w the others but I didn't see :p

yeah...... venting on someone's ask box without warning is a bit like sticking your head into someone's open window when they're just like, watching TV or smth. in any case I won't say more on the topic I think we've said enough and I hope this doesn't blow up into a bigger thing. I'm already very private as a person (sharing my medical info in public notwithstanding) so I'm not looking for a whole kerfuffle over this

[rosecoloredknight]

the way that you very obviously send yourself anons makes me giggle

the last 4 or 5 asks except the "what's my type", and "selfie" where from me. I found it interesting that I could send myself asks instead of . As pathetic as it is, I needed to talk myself out of the last two stressful days. These are the ones I asked myself.

-

-

-

I needed to vent so I asked these three questions for myself because my goodness, did I want to cry all day today and do nothing but wait till they were going to help me. I don't like feeling like I have to depend on people and wait until they find it fitting to do so. Even if it was just going to be me waiting till 2pm to replace the battery. I wanted to feel useful and so I took the battery out myself and walked to Walmart auto shop and boom. I'm really glad I did that. I got triggered when they told me that. It took me back to the year I stopped relying on them and just walked everywhere. Did you see how much I rambled and made a big deal out of nothing? Who else was going to accept my rant!?

—

This one was more of an internal question because of current circumstances and although time has and continues to pass, my affinity towards them will remain. I do stand by tagging them as such because that's honestly how I see them. But it's not because of their body? How do I explain myself without revealing anything but my admiration? Aghh— okay so, obviously they're SEXY AS FUCK ❤️‍🔥. Their body is super adorable with a cute, soft, and gradable tummy/back/hips 💕, their amazing bonkers (sorry if this offended you - but it's true) 💝, thighs to drown in 💘, with a hot juicy ass 💓, and their décolletage/collarbones/shoulders will always have me smitten... But again, that's not why I referred to them as such — To me, they will never be just some sexy body, a "piece of meat", sexual object (ALTHOUGH, I have sexualized about them a bit 😅😐), or an ordinary lewd Tumblr post. Yes, she's a work of art, like sunsets, and reminds of that Bruno Mars locked out of heaven song. However, I've been able to experience just how amazingly awesome they are and see how they are this, as they deal with that and this, and all while being THAT, which to me is one of, if not the most important role? How they're able to deal with all of that makes them a gorgeous hot mess, and despite all of it, they still remain endearing, making them the most beautiful girl out there. sigh, I feel as though I can write about them until the universe dies out. And I'll keep writing afterwards. Anyways, That's why I tag them that way. That being said, because of circumstances, it did make me feel rude and creepy hyping them up yesterday since I don't know if it's okay to do so. I was actually scared and worried about receiving a "cease and desist" dm. So that's why I sent myself that ask: is it okay for me to still hype and woo over? Am I doing this wrong? I hope this made sense.

That being said, that's me 👇🏽 every time I see their sexy pics and I'm not one bit ashamed to admit it.

The Washington ask is just me being excited but having no one else to express my excitement about. I should have just posted an update on it, I just got hooked up with the whole "wait, I can send myself asks?" Thing. Anyways, I am excited and scared about my visit over there. A lot of cars are going to be honking at me and I might be stopped by the popo because I'll most likely be driving too slow :/

—

It feels so refreshing to be honest about this. Yes, I'm extremely pathetic for doing so, but I'd rather talk to myself into madness than bother anyone.

I'm embarrassed, but glad to see you got amused by me being a loser. I was going to stop sending myself asks now that I got caught, but I'll keep it going here and there just to keep you giggling 👍🏽 It feels like you know me well enough to know which are the ones I'll send myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (not anytime soon tho)

Okay, take care anon 😊😊

[sweetmonsooncos]

tw; mental health talk, mentions of unaliving attempts and depression

So I've been dealing with the fact I relapsed last year and it's been 112 days since it happened

As part of me recovering, I've been having therapy every week to try and work through what happened to me and get me in a place where I feel confident enough to come back online fully

Many of you won't know this, but I was very active on other platforms like Facebook, Instagram, tiktok and twitter but just before my attempt, I wiped myself off everything

I've kept Tumblr up because it's been a place for me to show off my cosplays without feeling judged and because I miss having a tumblr and engaging in fandom the way that I can on here

I haven't cosplayed properly since my nervous breakdown in July because I am so terrified of being rejected by people

(I did some costests which I've posted and after all the photos I've taken, I've gotten out of cosplay immediately and started crying bc I feel so ashamed and I had to fight off urges to kill myself for a long time afterwards)

I've lost all confidence in cosplaying because of my stupid anxious ass misreading situations and blowing things out of proportion and it is so fucking hard trying to get that spark back

I want to come back and share cosplays the way I used to, but I'm so scared that people are going to turn me away and that I'll get rejected in a space that I thought was safe for someone like me

I feel like everything I do isn't good enough and when I finally find a space that I feel I can be myself in, people don't want to know me and are completely indifferent to me

This isn't me saying anybody has done anything wrong, these are just the things my anxiety has made me believe but my god its so difficult to break from the cycle

I've spent weeks looking at fabric to buy to start making cosplays again but I get too scared and don't bother

I've even had nightmares about people rejecting me again in the space so I've decided when I actually come back fully online, I'm not going to bother interacting with people the way I used to because there's no fucking point when they'll turn me away sooner or later

I'm going to make cosplays, post them online and just leave it at that. No cons, no shares, no comments, just keep myself at a distance because I can't handle being rejected again and going back to square one

Which sucks because I got so much enjoyment interacting with people and making friends, but I don't want to relapse again and nobody will care enough to reach out to me because why the fuck would anybody bother interacting with me?

I'm nobody

I don't mean anything to anyone

Nobody considers me a friend in that community

I do often wonder if there is even any point in doing cosplay altogether and just taking my life offline completely because I can't let myself be hurt again

The only reasons I'm not is because I already have a platform for my author work and bc this is something I am working on fixing

But I'm learning to unpack it all in therapy and I hope that I'll be in a better place by the time I'm done and I'll be looking at this differently

If anybody read this, thank you, I am alright, I just needed to vent about things because it really eats away at me

Recovery is so fucking hard.

[yuyamis]

dishonesty

i feel like ive been dishonest with myself

i remember when i would pour my thoughts on these very same text box posts as a way to vent and to release my ramblings into the abyss that is already saturated with unimportant thoughts and people who feel like their words hold more weight than other's.

ive done myself a disservice -- quelling things that bother me or give me a lot of mental turmoil with pacifying myself by being a pushover and disguising that as the "grounding techniques" that modern day psychology created but truly i find it quite infantalizing. i think i can process feelings a lot more swiftly with just not giving a damn. but like, in a delicate way. like my delusion triumphs over the

i do not hold a lot of anger, but i do hold a lot of sadness, yearning, longing, and nostalgia:

i dont think i can look at the hudson river without reminding me of what it symbolized to me before. this will be for another story.

i dont think i can throw away with the old tumblr blogs because it will always mean something to me, something to laugh at, something to remember who i was before.

i look at those pictures of me -- oh god i looked so young. but somehow, i feel like im younger now. im not rushing to be where i am, and every moment i enjoy how new everything feels even if it was not new before. im cherishing. im taking my time. it's past cathartic. or maybe im always in a state of carthasis -- i dont know what is going on in my head biochemically.

i picture the activation of my brain's lobes being quite mellow, despite how i continuously fight to be the smartest person in the room. it has never worked out. i always pale in comparison by several hundred shades of gray to the brightest bulb. but i think i characterize myself with the primal fire of passion and heart. that is how i keep my light bright, even when everybody else has a much more sophisticated manner.

i think i mastered the art of the loudest person in the room being the smartest. i feel like i do have a lot of wit, charm, charisma. i definitely do not think it is enough to navigate around this world. i know im not smart, i wish i was lot more brilliant and i know that people have their own strengths. but quite simply put, the intelligent ones will always have a mark in history. the exceptional ones. i have yet to make the mark that i would like.

i think it may be pompous of me to reject compliments even if they are held in high regard by my peers. something about it just feels empty, im not satisfied.

i used to hate that i was not a sex symbol -- until i became a prize for several individuals. i used to hate that i was not at least a little bit intelligent -- until i felt that new england "academics" simply did not amaze me with their supposed wit and intelligence. they held their very own delusions, which i can respect, but not when their desires were to have my lips against theirs or my head between their legs or whatever kink they may have had.

but i think i want to understand what my own intelligence is. i like to think that i am socially intelligent, yet i sometimes feel like i am not engaged. i feel like my wit is guarded; scripted from what gets the best reaction out of people. perhaps that is where my intelligence lies. where laughs start. i am not a funny person but i like to make people smile and laugh. it makes me feel good, not that i deserve to know that people feel good around me. otherwise, it becomes self serving!

i think everytime i try to compliment myself, i find myself unsure of why these people feel like they want to be around me. is it for an act? are they trying to impress me?

i also think that it is quite narcissistic of me to believe that i am so different and unique from the cast of characters that i call my friends/acquaintances that i require a separate check list to meet the criteria of deserving their companionship.

[jinxxedmisery]

I just wanted to come here and say, I'm sorry I haven't been active lately.

I haven't gotten around to requests in like months.. thankfully only one is in my inbox right now.

I also haven't been doing a lot of art.. things have happened which I will vent about... because my therapy appointment is over a month away and where else can I vent if not tumblr..

Tw mental health stuff, general health stuff, transphobia, relationship drama.

So happy Pride Month... it's nearly over, I know.. but oh well. Like a lot of people are saying, this pride month feels different.. less safe.. I came out as nonbinary to my family last year and started socially transitioning and I have known I was pansexual since 14.... so this stuff kinda hits hard.,

Even being in Canada it's scary seeing all this hate.. it's not as bad here.. but haha.. I happen to live in Alberta.. half the population here is homophobic, godfearing, truckers, cowboys, and farmers.... so I feel a sense of danger every time I'm open about it..

I went to a parade in my town.. we have a yearly event in June.. it's not pride.. but I kinda treat it as a form of pride.. I wore my pronoun pin badge I bought shortly after I came out. One of the town four churches has a Vacation Bible School program and a woman who is a pastor's wife always every year comes up to me and tells me she wants me to volunteer to help them out and kinda forces me to take an info packet....

Yeah.. this year she looked directly at my pin badge and talked to my parents instead basically pretending I didn't exist which was kinda funny and a huge relief.. hope this stops her from bothering me In the future... I did notice a few people look at it as well and like body block their child... which was so stupid.. istg conservatives think we're the boogeyman or some shit. Also kept getting misgendered... some lady who knew me from my childhood says "oh you've grown into such a beautiful young lady" and I straight up felt ill..

Anyway.. during that event my mother had a medical emergency.. she had a mini stroke.. my mom was very confused wasn't aware of her surroundings.. she's normally super resistant to going to the hospital and will fight you.. but she was so confused she got up, got her shoes on and got into the car and walked into the hospital without a fight...later she nearly punched me in the face while we were trying to hold her down so the nurses could get an IV in.. (they don't have daytime security at the local hospital and they don't have restraints) she said she doesn't remember any of it..,

As for my relationship.. I still have a boyfriend.. he's been pretty busy with work though.. his boss moved him to a super inconvenient schedule 3pm to 9pm.. every single day, no days off..

He's also had so much trouble with his car that it's not even funny. It's all been the coolant.. he thinks he's fixed it though so.. I'm hoping that won't be an issue as much.

So it's been hard for us (especially me.., because.. like my last relationship ended shortly after my ex couldn't make it out to see me.., he did finally admit it was excuses so.. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was afraid of that happening again) but we're enduring it.. he's a sweetheart and has been making time to talk to me after work almost every night until he gets too tired to continue..

It helps a lot.. he makes me feel wanted and he is trying his best to make it work so we can see eachother in person 😊he'll be coming out tomorrow morning and staying until 1pm.. we only get 2 hrs together but it's fine.. any amount of time with him that I get is worth it.

I promised him one day if he's able to visit for longer we'll watch Heathers: The Musical and get slushies... mountain dew, cherry or lime flavored ofc (iykyk) he's into that idea thankfully lol..

it's a requirement that everyone in my life watches Heathers at least once... I've seen it so many times I could almost recite the entire thing... 🤭

But that's all for now, when I get the motivation I will write requests!