#tumblr is officially the worst site what the fuck

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

most of the time, when i make tiktok comments (or comments on youtube or insta or, i guess, social media in general) my brain has me just Fucking Forget that im not in a one-on-one conversation with OP and other people can read what i say. thankfully: this comment is now deleted after i foolishly left it up on tiktok for five months

i dont mind leaving i leaving it up here though because this is tumblr. it fits the vibe. i can mute the post if worst comes to worst, whatever. i think its funny that my friends were more worried about Chris than a literal cockroach lol im just glad the og tiktok comment didnt break containment before i deleted it from there lol but here? this whole site is "containment", itll be fiiiiinnne ...probaabblllyyyy

bc, yeah, luckily, this comment got only 2 likes. it was from a tiktok made by @/nerdymixedpan about: monster fuckery "hear me out"s? golden, great choices, will be allowed to speak even if no one agrees, no one is worried about Tat at all for any of their picks. human "hear me out"s? Tat's wife worries "you just like freaky lil white boys" as Tat is fussed over

but yeah!! Tat's sentiment reminded me of "my childhood (with some lifelong, but not all) 'hear me out's, but it gets worse as we go along" powerpoint i made and showed my friends for powerpoint night. and so i made an admittance in the above comment that, AS A KID (NOT NOW), i had crushes on Chris Mclean from "Total Drama Island" and the Headless Roach Man (is apparently his official wiki name) from "Growing Up Creepie"

and i think, for me, part of it is "monster fuckery? Kaiden-Shenandoah, youve been rarely NOT rigidly asexual your whole life. nobody is going to worry about you loving monster-romances and scream at 'but what about their genitalia?! you cannot possibly want to fucking bed that Lovecraftian horror!!' or some shit, bc you dont have any interest in that, so it's kinda like 'eh... our friends have had worse significant others we have had to tolerate'. at least we dont have to picture how the fuck sex would work" (bc apparently allosexuals, i guess, picture how the hell the sex could work when sizing up a loved one's partner? and they have the audacity to call ME their "favorite lil freaky weirdo". im as "freaky" as freshly cleaned Barnes & Noble, fam, idk what the fuck youre on) and all of that somehow nullifies all possible grotesqueness or horror of my monster picks. like "i kicked my feet and giggled as a lil kid over a nonspeaking, headless, giant cockroach", y'know?? nothing. they give me fucking nothing lmao rip

put an irl cockroach, head or no head (nonspeaking regardless) that is normal-cockroach-size, in front of my friends? there'd be so much screaming. but i get it, sure, the cockroach character in the ppt is 2D animated and will never be real. an actual cockroach is, y'know, obviously real. i get the dissonance there. i do. i get it. im befuddled... but i do get it, yes

and yet somehow the same logic does not impact my human "hear me out"s as my friends went "WTF KAIDEN-SHENANDOAH, YOU CANT GET WITH THIS MAN, HE'S THE DEVIL". like?? okay. but the headless extremely tall cockroach with no speaking-lines who lives in a sewer is fine?? both of these guys are 2D animated. neither are real. still. one of these png files got me a "lmao you cannot be serious... i mean, i GUESS, sure? carry on" and the other png file got me a "KAIDEN-SHENANDOAH, ABSOLUTELY NOT, NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOURE DONE, NO, NOBODY'S HEARING YOU OUT, NO, NOPE, NO, SIT THE FUCK DOWN, LIKE HONESTLY, WTF". and, shockingly, it was the human man who got my friends kicking and screaming

granted, Chris absolutely is a stellar example of "if Satan was a mortal man" but also? s1 and s2 Chris was not so bad, he just did his job. he got unhinged as he stayed at that job. and im ngl im intrigued at the idea of how the fuck would this man function with something as benign yet allowing for obsession like a crush or being in love. but also? yeah, no, the straight-jacket and pillow-walled room i got put in for this one was warranted, yep, i get how i got here

[trekwiz]

I used Tumblr's feedback function about the recent changes. But, fuck, it was hard to get it short enough. It had to be under "5,000" characters--but the system's broken so it required me to get it to around 4,700. I don't think the short version makes as much sense, but I'll provide it under a cut. And I'll follow with a long version.

You want to drive engagement: that means being more fun than nuisance.

We hate snoozing Live. Disrespecting users' preferences and giving busy work means you'll never convert us to Live users: you've only built resentment.

Some users turn off push notifications for being annoying. What does Tumblr have that requires urgency? A friend who needs a ride to the ER is not asking on the fun meme site. When you push notifications, it's your decision to get my attention, instead of my choice. There's no way to spin this as a positive.

The persistent banner in "Activity" warning that notifications are off, is a rude reminder that you feel entitled to my attention. Your intention to SPAM users like me is worse, but we're the kind of users who are also motivated to click “Report Spam” to hurt your domain score in retaliation.

Users hate algorithms. Most users turn off “in your orbit” etc. They made your site harder to use--it's confusing and awkward to see posts of unexpected origin. I had a look at the separate feeds, but I haven't used them again. The chronological feed is more appealing.

Users don't want your vision of condensed reblogs. You'll destroy popular memes that only work in the current format, such as the speech bubble gag. You will lose users if this humor is tough or impossible. 2 better ways of rolling this out: 1. Offer it in the editor, like polls. Users will choose when threaded is better. 2. Offer a toggle on posts. This allows threads to be viewed when it makes sense.

Users like duplicate reblogs. This is social bonding, unique to Tumblr. duplicates show which mutuals share your tastes. The joke about seeing the same post shared by 5 mutuals is endearing, not derogatory.

Be more thoughtful with your ads. You have a lot of LGBT users. Why show ads from a hate organization like Chik-Fil-A ads? It's very offputting.

Don't "fix" the things you do well; improve where you're doing poorly.

Search needs work.

Users who remove their blog from search are confused when they can't use the search bar inside their blog. They turn on favorite tags which can't be used in that case. It would help to have an option to enable search only from within the blog.

Search is inconsistent. I can type a whole post from days ago, with no results. It's not clear why some posts aren't searchable.

I want duplicates in my feed, not search.

Sometimes I lose a post after an accidental refresh. An option to search blogs I follow would help.

Add search to the follower/ing lists. And if you follow someone called 1Funny1 now, it would help to know that they were NotJoking8 when you followed last year.

Fixing search might seem low impact. But it's probably the one thing that will stop users from calling the site broken. That will encourage new users to join.

We want a "mutuals" badge. You're mimicking the worst parts of social media, but we love friend lists. An indication of who's a mutual is helpful. It should increase engagement as well!

Your hate speech policy needs improvement. The bar to remove LGBT-phobic content is too high. The "mundane political speech" has deadly consequences. Allowing LGBT-phobic content if it's "not extreme" normalizes attacks on our human rights--you're influencing public policy by treating these ideas as if they're civil, despite the harm. And we deserve a place to escape the hate.

Next, there are better ways to spotlight content. You could build a tab for curation. 3 kinds: 1. Official Tumblr Curators 2. Sponsored Curators ($), and 3. User Curators. Users should be able to select which type they see at any time. This should include categories for browsing, and search. They should highlight bloggers, especially creators. This allows users to find new content organically, instead of being forced--this is a marketable feature.

For revenue: Editor+. A robust text editor that matches Google Docs, etc, with unique Tumblr enhancements, like a way to favorite gifs and emojis for faster use, and a meme generator--something that fits the most common meme formats but allows quick insertion of text and graphics. Those exist elsewhere, but integration is convenient. That means value to the user.

You should also leverage the Marketplace better. Gifting would be great for digital products. Send DoorDash gift cards, or gift an online watch party or music through Tumblr. The Marketplace is a lot more appealing if it can include useful services.

Closing thought: after a bonus at work, I was about to go ad-free. But the announced changes will be more nuisance than fun: I can't imagine staying here if you make the site unusable. These are obvious errors that will decrease your userbase, and it's surprising that you didn't immediately realize this.

[party-gilmore]

Check ALL The Warnings In The Tags If You’re Ducking Below The Read More.

DISCLAIMER: This is a post about me specifically and my broken fucking brain. I am not trying to make any sweeping statements about colonizer guilt or “activism burn-out,” of which others have made EXCELLENT points and i am not trying to draw away from those conversations at all. This is specifically about how my panic disorder and suicidal ideation are making it difficult for me to safely manage my level of involvement and interaction online, at the expense of the ability to actually put in the work for change out in the real world.

OKAY.

Last post on mobile. Tumblr is officially deleted from my phone. we are on Set Amount Of Time A Day - PC/Desktop only for a while.

To be very clear the point of this is not looking for sympathy or trying to be guilt trippy, just trying to get a hold of where my head’s at and let y’all know I’m not gonna be around so much but that I’m okay. Or least, this is me TRYING to be okay.

i CANNOT let the doom-scrolling keep affecting my ability to actually do anything that might actually help. The way i’ve been interacting on this site, trying to Stay Informed but blurring that line and crossing into constantly seeking more and more details that i NEED to admit i can’t handle, whether it’s the level of detail or the constantness of it or both…

the paralysis and anxiety and panic and - there’s an actual word for when you keep vividly imagining the absolute worst possible outcome but i can’t remember what it is, probably something else starting with “doom” - anyways the point is i clearly don’t have the ability right now to:

a) have any kind of ready access to The Horrors without making it… LITERALLY constant in my life. i don’t have the control to take it in measured doses, i need to recognize that if i have any kind of access all the time it WILL be a 100% deep dive nothing but the fucking trauma and abominations being inflicted on others in detail from the moment i get up until i finally clear my head enough to sleep for a few hours. which yeah i KNOW Palestinians in Gaza don’t GET that luxury it IS 24/7 all the time for them and I wouldn’t be complaint about that at ALL honestly if it weren’t for the fact that right now CLEARLY i do not have the fucking ability to

b) stop that from paralyzing me from any Real Action. It just locks me up. It SHOULDNT i should be able to compartmentalize that shit because physically for now i am fine my family is fine but instead i just fucking sit there , blankly staring as I scroll through atrocity after atrocity after atrocity that powerful governments are supporting, feeling like i cant do shit cuz it’s just getting worse and worse, then guilty that i feel like giving up, then GUILTY that i feel guilty because who am i trying to guiltrip here who CARES if I feel guilty when i’m not in the same situation they are they have it so much worse and they keep on going what would YOU do in that situation huh if you can’t even handle THIS - then that kicks of the vivid imaginings of me and my family experiencing that kind of slow death and dismemberment and being crushed by rubble then of course because we’re in america close to dc my brain jumps to nukes and how we’re in the zone JUST far away enough from DC for it not to kill us outright it would be slow and horrifying and painful and could i bring myself to at least get in the car and make it up to them so we could at least die together or would it be alone and afraid like all these people around the world are going through, that Palestine is going through, that my government is putting them through -

anyways it’s that spiral that keeps me sitting and scrolling and sitting and scrolling and wallowing in - what i genuinely thought was me just being a shitty fucking person but i realize now was actually genuinely - an anxiety attack (that’s the one that’s slow and creeping, right? panic is the fast sharp one) like an actual physically can’t shake myself out of “i forgot my brain was fucking broken, the adhd meds aren’t gonna magically fix everything” anxiety attack. Every goddamn day.

And let me be very clear again about my point here my point is not to try and guilt trip or garner sympathy my POINT is -

I cant do the kind of shit that actually helps anyone, in real fucking life, if I keep sending my brain into lockdown panic “All Is Lost, You Suck, Just Fucking Die” mode.

I want to be better, do better, be stronger, not have to look away at all. But I can’t trust myself not to fucking…. wallow in the goddamn despair of it all right now. So I need to take that option away.

Because who’s it really for, honestly? All the sharing and the posting? There’s a limit to what actually helps. The people following me have already made up their minds, one way or another. Sharing more of the same old shit isn’t going to actually CHANGE anything. Once youre through the new information of the day, the shit people actually need to know that they might not already… it feels like it’s just fucking… performative bullshit. like it’s all about making sure people SEE you still sharing all of this stuff. Oh look i’m still involved see how involved i am see how i’m still reading and sharing and posting all this stuff arent I a Good Activist?

What does any of that matter if it’s breaking my brain so much I can’t actually do any activism???

I would rather be considered weak and selfish by strangers on the fucking internet who don’t see me sharing as many posts as they think I should, but who ACTUALLY KEEPS WRITING the emails and MAKING the calls and SEEKING OUT events and disruptions and protests that maybe i can actually PARTICIPATE in

Than to keep showing off how i’m not “Looking Away” online but then spend every night sitting on my couch doing Fuck All about it, locked in a perpetual doom scroll through my For You page, imagining my flesh slowly burning and melting off as I hoist my whimpering dying dog’s body into the back of my car and desperately try to reach my parent’s house in time to say good bye and all go together, then shoving all that down into a flimsy box at the last minute to be able to smile at my mom and act like I just swung by to help with the floors instead of absolutely needing to see her and my father alive right now and touch them and fucking hate myself for indulging in that when Palestinians can’t so much that i force myself into an even deeper doom scroll next time as penance because how dare i look away for a MOMENT i can see them i can live i NEED to MAKE myself look at what’s happening-… rinse and repeat.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Maybe you didn't read the part where I said I did look it up but it directs me to something that isn't visible to me in the interface?

not as in "it's hard to see"

But as in it doesn't load properly most of the time on my system, so any time I looked it up I was given an answer that didn't seem to actually be real?

Because I looked for it repeatedly and there was nothing there.

I am trying to be charitable about you being incredibly fucking rude to me for just trying to point out what the problem was, but I feel like "I was bringing it up because it literally isn't visible to some users and you would have no way of knowing" is pretty clear.

Maybe you should be pissed at tumblr for hiding the option and making it inaccessible, or at everyone in general for no one mentioning where the button actually was or showed for them on their systems, but accusing me of what? Being too challenged? Making excuses?

I don't know why I should have to explain this to you, but if I look for something and can't SEE it, I can't know that it's actually there!

I did google it repeatedly. I DID read the tutorials!

The button is well hidden and isn't always visible even when you know exactly where to look!

Unfortunately, seeing or not, if something is invisible it is still invisible to me, so I was pointing out that the option doesn't SHOW for potentially more users than me, and putting the answer on a public enough post, that enough other users might see it, enough to realize there was a problem or @ staff about it if it's a common issue.

I am so very sorry for explaining the specifics of what the problem was and trying to get something actually done about it.

Imagine for a moment someone says "Oh just click on the three dots :)" to you... When you cannot see the three dots!!

And then gets mad at you for "not trying hard enough :("

Maybe that's relatable to you?

Also that official help article is the first result NOW, which I just documented finding! And then documented why it's still confusing, because -like I said- at best I get a grey circle, and there were no three dots! Previously there was NOTHING AT ALL. Which I already stated!

Maybe staff could make that more accessible to everyone and maybe people would use it more because the way it is now it seems DESIGNED to cause this kind of misunderstanding!

So yes, even being sighted -up close, mostly- and not having the worst sensory processing issues a person could have, and knowing how to program, and knowing web design AND looking up the solution I STILL COULDN'T FIND IT! THAT WAS MY POINT!

You don't have to double down on being hostile towards me for trying to point out in specifics what the problem was so I could get an actual solution from actual other users! I was under the impression this might be a common problem!

Surprise surprise, the site is poorly designed and inaccessible, to everyone, and maybe don't get mad at me for that! Maybe you didn't notice this, but even commenting on your post directly, not a single other user chimed in to tell me where the option was supposed to be! Either because no one is bothering to help anyone who's struggling or because most people don't even know or can't find it themselves!

Either way the end result, as usual, was -as usual- not getting a clear answer, zero response from any other user, either with an answer or explaining that maybe they are having the same problem, just zero communication about it, which I figured was never going to get anything done to solve your problem.

I am sure you can see how punishing people for pointing out that the instructions or interface don't work, is just going to make it so that anyone who can't see the option, or has a hard time figuring it out, is going to quietly keep that to themselves instead of ever asking for help?

Because a lot of people who aren't blind still have a hard time seeing things, and a lot of people have sensory processing issues, and a lot of people don't understand how programs generally work, or how screen readers are supposed to, a lot of people aren't good with computers, and a lot of people aren't good at communicating when they are facing challenges or having a problem... And a lot of people are too socially anxious to even mention needing help someplace it won't be ignored because they are afraid of being treated as hostile.

So yeah, I added to a public post, talking about the issue of people not adding alt text, why a lot of us might not be adding alt text, and asking the tumblr user base for more information or solutions.

I thought that would be the useful response.

I am sorry you interpreted that as an inherently hostile action??

I thought maybe it was worth mentioning that some people aren't adding alt text because the option -ironically- isn't visible to them. Which, again, I am assuming you had no way of knowing, until someone like me told you.

"Just know to click on the three dots" doesn't mean shit if there are no three dots. IDK what to tell you!

Maybe be mad at the people designing the site who decided the ability to make a post be more accessible should be hidden on mouse-over, not be clearly labelled, and not even load properly for some percentage of users?

Maybe be mad at the seeing people who just quietly performatively reblog posts like this but never say or do anything about the problem?

Also, have you tried being most people, especially on mobile, and googling anything these days? You get an answer, but you get one that you know you can't trust to be reliable! Even if you find official posts about it from staff, there is no guarantee any of it actually works! Obviously! So asking other users is the only thing you can do!

And I hate to point it out but I googled it right in front of you in my reply and talked about exactly why it wasn't helping and had historically been even less helpful. I did that! I walked you and everyone else through why it was a problem! You seem a lot like you are putting active effort into ignoring what I am actually communicating so you can stay mad!

Why is it a problem to have addition to your post pointing out some of the issues other users might be having in trying to access the option to add alt text, or discussing how they are supposed to navigate that? Why do you see that as hostility or being unsupportive? If your post is intended to ask/get more users to add alt text, maybe that's helpful added context for some users?

I genuinely don't even know why you got mad in the first place?!

Please forgive how horrifically this was recorded (the screen reader mutes itself in recordings, which made it entirely useless for this post, which required a second camera) but I wanted to show people what alt text Actually Does for screen readers because I think a lot more people would take the time to add it if they knew why.

This is how the default screen reader function built into my phone "reads" an image, one without alt text and one with.

(I can't add alt text description to videos, it seems, which feels a little ironic given the post.)

When the first image, without alt text, is selected by a screen reader, it just reads out "photo".

When the second image, with alt text, is selected, it reads out the alt text - in this case, "A blurry picture of a gray tabby cat sitting on a white carpeted floor.".

Being able to use alt text is far easier on screen readers because the image is a larger object to select - descriptions in plain text below an image are still helpful, but require enough vision to accurately select, and enough vision to know they're an image description to begin with.

So please, when possible, add alt text to photos, art, and screenshots you're uploading! A lot of phones can copy text from images now, which is how I add image IDs to other people's text heavy posts - there's really no reason to post a bunch of text heavy screencaps and not at least copy and paste the text into the alt text, and it makes a huge difference for accessibility.

Thank you! ^w^

[ohnoitstbskyen]

So I'm thinking about doing Business

I'm going to experimentally pay for Tumblr's "Blaze" on one of my posts to see what the effect is, if any. I don't plan to use it often, but if I'm using this site as part of my silly little content creator job, maybe it makes sense to advertise some things?

I don't even know what it would make sense to use that feature on, either... posts with my official video releases? Stuff like that article I wrote about the experience of going viral? ... posts about my merch store? (oh god I don't want to advertise the merch store, I haven't added anything to it in ages).

Anyway, if you see one of my posts with a "promoted" tag on it, that's why. Just figuring out if that's something that should be part of my job on here. There are some extended personal reflections on using Tumblr for My Job™ below the cut.

On the other hand, Twitter was never that much of a Business Platform for me, either. That site and app is insanely bad at driving traffic anywhere else, which is part of why its ad revenue was so low depite the huge user base. Getting people to click away from Twitter to anywhere else is like pulling teeth, even for people with million dollar marketing budgets, and so I just... kinda never tried, really. Partly because it never seemed worth the work, partly because it was my personal Twitter before it accidentally became my Business Twitter.

Tumblr in that regard is different though. Four years ago, someone posted an outtake from a shitpost video I did laughing myself half to death over an article about how millennials are killing mayonnaise. That outtake went some degree viral on Tumblr, and that virality did prompt a lot of people to go find the full video on YouTube, making it briefly the most successful video on my whole channel.

So I dunno. Maybe it makes sense to use Tumblr for Business™ in that way. Not that I think I can manufacture a viral hit, of course, but maybe paying to have my work shown to more people on here could be worth it? I guess I'll find out once that Blaze goes through the moderation.

It sorta ties in with a broader pre-post-Twitter reflection I've been having about how I use social media, though.

I don't want to be my job

My personal twitter became my business twitter entirely by accident, and while it was fun at first to have thousands of followers on my personal shitposting, it wasn't fun at all in the long run. At a certain point, usually somewhere past the 10k follower boundary (or if you had the misfortune of having a pre-Elon checkmark), people stop treating you like a person or a fellow poster, and start treating you like a brand, a celebrity (however minor), like a Public Figure. And on the one hand that's good, kinda, because if you have a larger platform, you do deserve more scrutiny. On the other hand, it means you can't be a person on your own social media.

Dark humor, in-jokes, dumb shitposts with friends, dunking on some random hot take, all of that starts to come with the danger that some stranger, who is determined to misunderstand what you post in the absolute worst possible faith, will see it and start yelling about it.

And if, as a person who has a bigger platform, you yell back at them, or dunk on their bullshit... yeah, there's a real risk that you're the one being the bigger asshole, actually. When you have a big Twitter audience, you have some responsibilty for what happens to the things you put in front of that audience. And if you have fans, they might want to defend you, and if you have a lot of fans, some percentage of them aren't going to know how to act or where the line is, and go way the fuck too far.

It's the reality of having a public profile. People will come at you in absolutely wild ways, accusing you of saying absolutely insane things that they have derived from truly deranged (often willful) misinterpretations, and you can't respond to that like a person responds, or you run the risk of being the one who does more harm.

And so you can't be a person on your social media anymore. You now have to be a Public Figure, and if you don't figure that out you're gonna get in trouble. I should have made a private friends-only account on Twitter far, far earlier than I did, I should have made an official brand account far, far earlier than I did. But the only way to know that is in hindsight.

... which leads me back to Tumblr. I've been thinking about Doing Business™ on Tumblr - Blazing my posts, doing SEO, promoting my brand and all that other shit that technically comes with the job I ostensibly have.

I fled back here when I saw Twitter start to torch itself, because I need to post somewhere, but do I need to post for myself, as a person?

Or do I need to post because I am TBSkyen the YouTuber and posting is part of my job, my brand and my online personality which I crafted as a layer of separation between myself and the audience but which has at this point become so entangled with my real self that I don't know the boundaries between them anymore?

Am I going to look back on this and realize, as I did on Twitter, that I should have made a private, friends-only Tumblr account right from the start, and not mixed the personal with the professional and with Posting? I have around 2000 followers right now and this is still fun and casual, but what happens if I manage to luck myself into a real following again? When am I going to dunk on something I think is dumb and cause the person who posted it to receive actionable threats because someone who likes my videos doesn't know how the fuck to act?

Anyway, this is the kind of shit that gets powerblasted through my brain when I pay $10 to make some more people see one of my posts on a website - how's your morning going?

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: April 13th, 2021

And we’re back again with more replies so soon, haha. Thank you for the asks!

Your game literally saved me this hell ass year. Thank you so much for the most perfect piece of art I've ever laid eyes on 😫 ... Do you guys have a rough idea when step 3 DLC will be released? I hope I'm not coming off as rude. I just really really love your game.

I’m sorry for the late reply on this! You might’ve already seen the answer by now, but the Step 3 DLC is coming out on the 16th. We’re almost there :D

This may be a silly question but did Jeremy's parents ever find out that Pran had lied about his age and if so, when/how? :3

Pran came clean to them after a couple of years, when he felt secure enough that it wouldn’t ruin the relationship. The Kings were a little embarrassed, the dad more than the mom, but they’re quite good at brushing past those kind of mistakes so it was all water under the bridge pretty fast.

hi! i know you’ve answered a question about alterations in the our life moments by playing them in different orders, but i was wondering if there was a canon order that the moments for each step happen in? i figure with such a customizable game the “canon” timeline for the moments is whatever order the player completes them in, for example in step 1, i like playing the runaway moment pretty early, since cove trying to run away early in summer makes more sense to me personally. thanks!

Yeah, there’s no canon order we’d insist on. Whatever you like can be the official route for you! And that’s a neat way to look at that event.

What if your character isn’t that into physical contact but still wants to be in a relationship with Cove? Would he be offended if you shy away or something along those lines?

He wouldn’t be. Cove knows how hard that can be and is very understanding. If you set his initiative to low, the game always checks to make sure if you want to be touched or not rather than assuming that you do. And if you do choose that you don’t want to, there’s no stress or drama about it. Cove will just say that’s okay!

Hellu! First off, I want to thank you all for such a wonderful game, it's been the best feel-good game I've ever stumbled upon and I can't express enough how much it has meant to me. Second, I've seen lots of people having trouble with making Cove confess before MC which makes me wonder if people will have the same problem in the dlc when you can propose to him. Is it possible to post a guide for that as well when it no longer could count as a spoiler? Again, thanks for such a beautiful game <3

I’m really happy you had such a nice time with it c:. We’ll answer questions about it on tumblr/in the discord if they come up and, if need be, we’ll find somewhere to upload a guide.

Do we get steam key from buying dlc on itch io?

I’m afraid not. That’d be unfair to those who get it on Steam. Plus, Steam isn’t super cool with giving out thousands of keys to be handed out for free on other sites anymore. They can refuse to give us the keys if they feel we’re trying to take advantage of their system.

hi! so if we reject cove's confession in step 3, can we still have MC and cove get together in step 4?

You can confess to him, yeah. But Cove won’t ever try confessing again if the MC turns him down in Step 3.

What if MC acts like someone Cove doesn't like, like Lizzie or Baxter lol

You can’t do what Lizzie or Baxter does to make Cove dislike them. You can play the game and try, but it doesn’t work out. The MC is just too compatible with Cove if you’re fond/crush/love, haha.

Hi! I absolutely love your game, I love the characters they’re all so amazing, thank you for the game haha

I was wondering if you would get the NSFW DLC no matter what Patreon level you were at, or if you would could get it at any level? :)

&

What pateron tier do we need to get the 18+ content for Our Life? It's my new favourite game, keep up the good work!

It will eventually be available at the $5 tier and anything above that! Glad you both like OL ^^

On a scale from 1 (being the worst) to 10, how well do the XOXO jerk squad including JB handle horror?

JB: 8

Everett: 5

Nate: 4

Shiloh: 10

Bae: 10

Jeremy: 8 for non-gore horror, 2 for gory horror

Pran: 9

hello!! i was wondering if any of the boys from the Jerksquad would ever wear a skirt/dress?

None of them wear skirts/dresses out of personal preference. But if there was some kind of reason where they had to do it, none would be that bothered.

How does the jerk squad feel about Christmas? 

Everett: He fucking loves it. That’s the best time of year.

Nate: Commercialized nonsense.

Shiloh: It’s wonderful! So he claims.

Bae: He likes it quite a bit, but only for the joy it brings children/family. He thinks that’s sweet but is too mature to be whipped up into a festive fervor himself.

Jeremy: It’s awful.

Pran: He hates it.

does cove have any pet allergies? yes I know this is a little weirdly specific

He doesn’t! The lucky boy isn’t allergic to any animal.

Very important question: Would Lee and a musical-theatre loving MC run around belting Into The Unknown from Frozen 2? Because I feel that they would 

Probably, haha.

This might seem like a dumb question, so I’m sorry, but with the Derek DLC are we gonna get to hang out with him in person instead of just calling him in step 3? 

The Derek DLC adds events in Step 2 and Step 4. It’s part of his story that you don’t really get to be around him in Step 3. But you don’t need to apologize for wondering!

hello! i'd like to ask if it's possible to play the android version of the game with the dlcs after buying the dlcs from steam. i wasn't expecting my android version to have my dlcs since i bought them from steam, but it had my step 2 dlc for some reason. is this a glitch or does the apk actually detect what dlcs you already have on your pc? if so, how come i don't have the step 1 dlc appearing on android? thanks!

That is some kind of glitch. It isn’t possible for the Android DLCs to be unlocked by having them on PC. Maybe in one of the old builds we accidentally didn’t lock the Step 2 DLC properly. Sorry for the confusion!

Does Derek and Baxter have canon sexualities? Will Derek still flirts with the MC regardless of their gender?

They’re both pansexual and can like the MC regardless of what gender they have.

I was wondering if Miranda had a crush on Cove in Step 3? I'm not sure why, but I got those vibes from her?

She thinks of him only as a friend. Cove isn’t her type, haha.

This is probably a dumb hope, but I hope Cliff find someone he loves after Cove is grown up and everything. Or at the very least he has someone he's very close with after Cove leaves. 

That’s a really sweet thought to have. Cliff stays single, but he’s graysexual and not-particularly romantically inclined. He only dated when he was really young ‘cause that’s what everyone did. Family and friend relationships are more important to him, and he has plenty of that in his life ^^.

Heya! I was curious if there might be a nickname system in N&F? I kind of pull an Elizabeth when I play and choose a different variation of a name like having Rosie in step one and changing it to Rose in step two, then maybe Rosetta in step three for example, but it also feels a little bit odd being scolded using my nickname hehe. That's all I was wondering about, thank you for your time and the wonderful games!

We are hoping to include the option to go by a nickname in Our Life: Now & Forever. But nothing has been programmed yet, so we can’t 100% guarantee it, haha.

Just curious, what would Liz's and Cove's relationship be if MC wasn't around? I feel like they wouldn't get along as well as they do now, especially during the first and second step 

They’d definitely have a lot of friction growing up and they’d likely avoid each other as much as possible. Once they were both older, I imagine they’d be decent neighbor acquaintances. But they still wouldn’t be nearly as close as they are with the MC bringing Cove into things.

What do the customizable eyes look like in the game? Do they look as they are in the creating avatar section? Or do they look different when actually playing the game?

That’s up to you! The doll is just meant to be a general idea. You can apply it to your imagined MC as much or as little as you prefer.

Did Cove go through a "phase" during his adolescence? I don't really wanna headcanon it so I wonder if there's anything (cringy) canon since we missed out on the ages of 14-17 hahaha

Not really, aha. 14-17 Cove is pretty recognizable to his 13 and 18 year old self.

Hello! I'm sorry to bother you, especially with all the messages you get. I was just wondering if the religious wedding venue was exclusive to a church or if there will be different religions of weddings? Also, I love this VN so much, it's so well written and every character is so amazing, thank you for making such a beautiful game.

The church is treated as a historic building rather than anything actively religious, but it’s not the only option like that. There’s a historic synagogue and stuff too! And that’s really nice of you to say <3.

How differently would it play out If MC told their moms about the 20$ deal back when it happened? 

They wouldn’t have been happy and would’ve been far more skeptical of Cliff, aha. But they wouldn’t want to keep Cove away from the MC, so it wouldn’t have been too different in the long run.  

Hello may I ask what Cove's favorite fudge/ice cream flavor would be? Its alright if its not answered 

He appreciates them all, but his top favorites would be the fruit flavored ones and the ones with nuts.

Hi! I really wanted to make mc's house in a game and tried really hard to figure out the floor plan, but I wondered if you have the floor plan of the mc's house so that i can try again with more accuracy?

Thank you a lot for this game, i loved it a lot! (my first play took me 8 hours lol)

I’m really sorry, we don’t have anything like that. But at least you can headcanon that what you did is correct and nothing can prove it wrong, haha.

Hello,I recently started playing lake of voices (I put it off for a long while since I’m usually not very good with horror) and I’m really happy I did!I’m a big fan of your games in general and lake of voices was absolutely great as well.I loved the characters and the dark setting of it,I adored the beautiful art and music and the story was great too,sometimes unsettling and sometimes very sweet.My favorite Route in the game was definitely Lu,I liked his character and was really shocked and distraught by his Route at least two times.I didn’t see the plot twist(s) coming at all!

Besides these ramblings I’ve also wanted to ask if you still remember how to get the lower two CGs on page 5?I seem to always miss them and would appreciate any help.Anyways I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother and I wish the devs a great day!:)

Thank you for all the kind words <3. You get those DLCs by going through the end of the Guide’s character path. You can use the guides on Steam to help you find it/reach the end!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for all of these questions :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[viva-la-rebel]

Goodbye

Hey everyone- this is my official goodbye for tumblr. This site has made such a huge impact on my views and life. I applaud tumblr for letting me explore not only myself but the (mostly) wonderful people on it. It was thru this site I realized I was bi. I made tumblr friends and got to explore my writing. Some of my favorite shows I started because of stuff I saw here.

However, as much as this site holds a place in my heart- I’ve outgrown it. I came on to the site at 15 on the day of Mishapocolyse (yeah that was my first impression). I’m in my 20s now and have a house and a dog and this just doesn’t have a place in my life anymore.

And, I have to say it, tumblr has a at times been a toxic place. I remember in my first months of tumblr, literally not knowing anything, I accidentally reposted art without credit. I was flooded with hate comments, telling me what a shitty person I was. I deleted it and reached out to the original creator and apologized. While the creator was nice enough, it did show me the first ugly side of tumblr.

A few years later I did a cute little thing where if you reblogged a post I made, I would give you a good message or something. Most messages I got were so wholesome, but there were others telling me how irresponsible and bad of me it was to do this because I would never get to everybody. I was trying to do a nice thing and it still wasn’t enough and was turn into something bad. (And I did get to everyone so fuck you).

I also made a supernatural video (ah yes my first hard core fandom RIP) and tagged it with some characters it didn’t focus on. The amount of hate I got was horrible. I had strangers telling me to literally kill myself over a shitty fan-made video I made at 17.

While the majority of tumblr is a great place to explore, too many of its users don’t want to have adult conversations, y’all want an echo chamber. If someone don’t agree or makes a different point (IN A RESPECTABLE WAY MIND YOU)- they are toxic and told to fuck off. I promise you- no matter what fandom or community you are in, it has toxic people. They only want to be told they are right and do not want to think but do as they are told. Do not be this person, that is not the way the world works. Even if you and some else agree on 99.9% of things, there will always be something you don’t. Be adults and have conversations.*

*this is not me saying any phobic or racists people get a pass on their views- y’all are the worst kind of trash. This is more about views on regular things

While this site has made me happy, it’s also taken a toll on my mental health (something people who post here preach about yet rarely hold themselves accountable for causing mental stress). I was so worried about making fucking strangers mad that I would have anxiety for days. Some of you are so busy calling out other people that you fail to look inwards and see who you are and what toxic traits you have. Ive people literally run off this site and told they are shit because they didn’t update fan fiction regularly! Fan fiction! A free fucking sometime a book-worths of story for you- for free! And they are told they are shit because they have lives outside and they don’t update at the exact time they promised.

I’ve seen this site grow wholesome communities. I’ve seen friendships made on this site. I’ve seen so many amazing pieces of art and beautiful writing. I’ve been lucky enough to talk to some really great people. But I’ve seen this site literally cause real world harm. I have seen this site turn people hateful, I have seen this site make people fearful of making one mistake. I’ve seen people such down, I’ve seen people afraid to speak up.

On a last note: just because you are liberal, and think everyone deserves rights, pro-choice, all that stuff (which I totally agree with) it does not mean you are a good person. You can be a bad person with liberal views. You need to be a good person to those around you first. Evolve and learn.

I know this post won’t mean much in the grand cesspool that is this site but to those who it reaches- this site is not the end all be all. Your true friends, who listen to what you have to say- they matter. Your chosen family and friends- they matter. So if you see someone getting hate, speak up because if someone did that for me- I might leave this site with a better taste in my mouth.

✌🏻bye yall

[innocence-wont-save-you]

There's been some stuff going around Cohost and I've been trying to look into it, but honestly, I'm exhausted and I don't have the time to worry about it. I take back what I said about migrating to Cohost: Innocence Won't Save You is going to be moving almost entirely to the official site.

I would like to reemphasize that the official IWSY site is the main nexus for this game. No matter what happens with Tumblr or Cohost, the site will continue updating, and with the current developments I'm going to try to expedite implementing the commenting system so people without Discord can continue to participate. You can always continue to send asks to this blog, but I'm sticking with the decision to discontinue live updates on Tumblr. New, up to date updates will be present on the site.

Once again: If you're invested in this story, I implore you to use the official site. I know this is a big ask, but there are good reasons for it:

the goal is to achieve total anonymity on the site when people submit actions, discuss with other players on what to do, and send in non-action questions to Innocence. If you were nervous sending in actions on this blog, I hope the guaranteed anonymity on the site is helpful.

there will be no accounts involved. Ideally. If I can get things to work the way I want them to. I don't want anyone to be locked out of playing if they don't have an account. At worst, you'll need a Disqus account for the commenting. The story will never be account-locked, but participation may have to be depending on how quickly I figure out how to code. Relatedly:

I have complete control over the Javascript of the site, which allows me to fuck with the formatting far more than Tumblr or Cohost would have ever allowed me to do. This is part of the design of the game and the story. I also have full control over the CSS, and it will also play a crucial role in the experience of the game.

the site gives me more freedom to share extra things, such as character files and statuses of all characters introduced in the story so far. I'm sure I'll come up with more stuff to implement down the line, but the point is that I can just do more on the site. I can't share the character files in a neat way on Tumblr or Cohost. If you want that extra information, you have to use the site.

I'm implementing little easter eggs around the site, ARG style, for those dedicated enough to go hunting for them :) can't do that on Tumblr or Cohost obviously.

There's probably more I could say, but off the top of my head there's all of this. This story is, in a lot of ways, really not just a story. The original idea was to fuck with Tumblr's scaffolding, co-opt it and twist it to my bidding, to tell this story, but I no longer want to rely on Tumblr. I also don't want to rely on Cohost or some other website at all anymore. Innocence Won't Save You will, hopefully, shine to its fullest and truest self on a site where I can manage what I want to happen and when on my own word. And I hope you'll see it through with me.

If you know Javascript and are willing to lend your knowledge, please do. I'm practically begging for help at this point. It will get done either way, but it would get done a lot faster if I had help. I refuse to give up on my vision of what this story is.

OOC: Migration Notice

I hate to do this so soon after I just came back to IWSY, but with the recent developments of what Tumblr staff has been doing, I've honestly had enough. If you missed it, the basic rundown is that the CEO of Tumblr, photomatt, has been personally targeting, harassing, and threatening to call the cops and the FBI on a trans woman. This is the last straw for me in a long string of fuck ups from Tumblr staff, and I'm moving operations off of Tumblr. I'm going to finish up Status Update 13 here, but future updates will no longer be on this blog.

That isn't to say that IWSY is shutting down for good. I've made an account on Cohost, but I'm still learning the new site and figuring out how things work. If Scene 14 starts before I've finished setting things up, it will be temporarily run over at the official website for IWSY. This is, for the record, the ultimate goal for the website: To function as a non-account dependent way to witness and engage in the story being told. But for now, IWSY is migrating to Cohost while I learn javascript and figure out how to add commenting functions. You don't need an account to read Cohost posts, thankfully, but you will need an account to interact there, just like on Tumblr. You can also join the official Discord server for IWSY as an alternative.

This blog will stay up and the pinned post will probably be periodically updated, but after this I imagine this will be converted purely into an ask blog that isn't canon to IWSY's events. Thank you for sticking around for this story, and I hope you'll continue to keep up with the gameplay. If not, the AO3 version will always continue updating.

[dnarez]

Chapter 9 - My son, My mom

[Kind of rushed, sorry for the fast pass]

After taking the train to Fukuoka, Keigo's home city, you went to the adress that was on the official Hawks's Agency site.

You decided to walk, the weather was nice, but it could use a little wind, so you pointed your finger to the sky and made a loop like drawn with it, wind started to blow lightly, but because of how sudden it was some skirts went up, and you saw a newspaper hit a men in the face.

The path was very calm after that, but on the contrary of the outside, you were panicking on the inside, heart throbbing with anxiety, but you didn't allowed your feet to stop moving.

'What if he doesn't recognize me? No... I know that I have a little more breast, and may have some grey hair but-! It's Keigo! I want to see him! He's probably busy... what will I tell them to let me in?... oh! I can use my commission ID!!!'

You finally were getting there! The building was clear as day to you, you walked a little faster but calmed yourself down before going next to the receptionist.

"Hello, I came to see Hawks" you said with the typical 'business' voice

"Sorry hun, you can't, no fans allowed" she said not looking up.

"He's expecting me" you crossed your arms.

She looked at you up and down "That's kinda hard to belive Miss, since his schedule that I take care of doesn't have anything about MILFs"

You glared at her and showed your ID "Maybe there is something for the hero commission"

The girl paled at the card "Yes ma'am, I will tell him right now" she took the phone and called him... "Yes I know but-... It's the commission sir... she didn't- okay... yes sir" she hangs up the phone "last floor big wood door, there's no way you can miss it"

You nod to her and hold yourself back from running to the elevator, when you get there and see yourself on the mirror you frown.

Your face is starting to have marks, the scar on your chest is hidden behind your shirt, but the ghost feeling of the knife going through skin and breaking your chest bones was terrifying to remember, so you closed your eyes and focused on your breathing.

But closing your eyes made part of it worst, the flashbacks of those nights that you had to sell your body for information.

The "ding" from the elevator brought you back to today, taking a deep relived breath you get out of the elevator and go to his office door.

You knock three times, the business like knock made you cringe, but it's the way you alway knock.

"Come in" you heard his voice, and just that made you smile.

The pictures of him were everywhere on the internet, he was a very handsome man, extremely smart, kind, loving, and nothing of it was thanks to you... because you went away.

You closed the door behind you and saw that he's doing paperwork, a lot of it, the piles were even on the floor, but he had no feather on his wings "You are two hours early, this better be important, I am the number two pro hero after all" he didn't looked up from his papers, just kept writing.

Even if you saw a dozen of pictures trying to get familiar with his face, you just couldn't  be prepared enough for this.

That small child that loved to laugh with you, that ate your food with a big smile, that had nightmares and would run to you, your son... was a grown up, and you weren't able to watch any of this.

His birthdays, fights with instructors, his teenager phase, his first crush, first love, first kiss, him being an ass to the higher ups and you would have to buy ice cream for him later... all those especial moments were lost, away from you.

Keigo heard sobbing an someone started to cry, when he looked up he was in total shock. "Mom?" His voice was barely over a wisper

"Keigo I'm so sorry!" You fell on your knees and bowed down.

(For those that don't know, this is the type of bowing that it's taken very seriously on Japan, as it represent that you are truthfully sorry, it's called Dogeza)

Hawks jumped from his chair and run to you "MOM GET UP!"

"I'm so-so sorry! I didn't have a option! The mission was so long! I there were moments that I though that I would never see you again! Must have feelt so alone, must have thought that I abandoned you! But I swear Keigo! Lil birb! My son!" You raise your head and look at him kneeled in front of you "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! I'M SOR-"

Hawks hugged you tightly "Y-you came back!" You hug him just as tighly.

"I would never dream of leaving you alone, my boy" you sink your hand on his hair and scratch it, your other and pets his lower back "I'm so proud of you Keigo, you did such an amazing job all alone"

"I wasn't alone!" He break the hug and you see his face.

"I had you with me all this time! Your coat, a-and your diary! Your dairy had so many advice in it! I always felt like you were with me, but I missed you so much mom! Are you-" he takes a deep breath and you pet his hair "are you going to stay?"

You nod quickly "Of course! There is no better place in this world for me than by my son's side" you both hug each other.

"Mom!" He buried his face on her neck, hiccuping like the little boy he was to you.

"My baby birb, you did so well until now, you truly are awesome as fuck" you kiss his cheek and he sighs.

After all you were here holding each other's hand, he felt like a weight lift from his shoulders.

"Let's go to your house, I can prepare anything you would like" you separate the hug and get up.

He nods getting up too "I want  that fried chicken you do! I never found a place that does it like yours!"

You both talk and clean each other's face.

This was true happiness...

................................ Important!

This is the ending... but not exactly,  this is actually the end to this part of the history.

Now there's still something's going around, like when hawks fights dabi, Y/n will help Aizawa with classes, Y/n had a close relationship with AFO on her mission.

But technically it ends here, the rest of this book will takes twice as long for me to do.

If you follow me on my tumblr and/or Ao3, you know that I wrote 7 works until now, to which I'm currently working on 3 constantly and 2 from time to time.

So I hope you all can keep reading my work.

[everythingshinesunderthesun]

I think there's three distinct but equally terrible possibilities here:

First, there really is a serious issue with blatant transphobia in the moderation staff and they're just going around nuking trans women's blogs at random. Even if you're the kind of person that can overlook this (and I'm not), that still means at any point a staff member can decide they don't like you and delete your blog with absolutely no accountability. I wouldn't want to build a community in any platform where I think that's a real possibility

Second, bad-faith agents were able to abuse tumblr's reporting features to mob a user out of the site, and though Tumblr knows this is a possibility, they're either ill-equipped to unwilling to help when it comes up. If they won't step in for a relatively big blog like predstrogen, what chance do people with smaller blogs like myself have of getting help if this happens to us? What if a mid-sized Discord server suddenly decide they don't like my opinions on MMA and want my blog removed from the site? Am I just fucked?

Third, photomatt's post is accurate and honest and a staff member did personally step in and ban predstrogen because of some admittedly inflammatory but also? Incredibly mild and clearly non-serious posts, which arguably didn't even violate TOS (wishing harm upon someone isn't, or at least shouldn't be considered, the same as straight-up threatening them).

This might actually be the worst case scenario, because it means the actual CEO of Tumblr is acting like a petty, immature child on official company media, personally settling beefs with users by persona-non-grata-ing them and insisting the people who're rightfully worried and upset by this are the reason the site is going downhill.

I've been on this site for almost 15 years at this point and in that time I've seen some shit. But man. Never have I been closer to completely giving up on tumblr than after watching the CEO have a mental breakdown on his public blog last night.

[chikkou]

masterpost on the ryan haywood (and adam kovic) situation

so i already made this post as a more general “whats wrong with rooster teeth” post, as i honestly didnt expect the ryan haywood/adam kovic situation to go as far as it has - but at this point i think it’s much more prudent to put that information into its own post because the situation with both of these men, ryan primarily, has gone off the fucking rails 

tl;dr for the situation: ryan haywood and adam kovic both had nudes leak and were outed as cheating on their wives as a result of being catfished, but a great deal more information surfaced after the initial leak which led to the discovery that ryan haywood is a manipulative sexual predator, and adam kovic may have been sending sexual pictures and videos of his wife without her consent. 

i will try to break down this post chronologically as best i can and provide ample sources, and i will update it as new information is gathered. please be aware that many of these sources will be coming from kiwifarms, as it has gathered all of the relevant info into one place, but i will not be linking to the thread directly for a myriad of reasons, so if you want to find it, youll have to look for yourself. apologies if any of the screenshots contain disagreeable language; i wouldnt link them if they werent relevant.

general tw for pretty much everything in this post. all pictures of people will be largely sfw, but there will be nsfw text under the cut. i will not link to any nudes of ryan or adam. this is going to be long as fuck.

here goes.

NOTE: this post is currently up-to-date as of january 28th, 7:27 pm (EST). 

GENERAL BACKGROUND:

adam kovic and ryan haywood are both employees at the entertainment company rooster teeth. ryan has been working there since 2011, originally for more behind-the-scenes work before becoming a regular achievement hunter staple, while adam kovic was a personality who originally worked for machinima before he and a few others branched off to become funhaus. funhaus was later purchased by the media corporation fullscreen, as was rooster teeth, and both were merged sometime in 2014/2015. 

HOW THIS ALL BEGAN:

sometime in august, there were rumors circulating on certain forum sites that a catfisher had been sexting with a handful of e-celebs, and had their nudes. a torrent link was put up containing the files, but was quickly taken down. this didnt gain much traction, but was brought up again on the same forum in late september/early october. this time, the person posted images directly, showing that they’d been sexting with adam kovic and ryan haywood.

according to them, they didnt get very far with ryan and so there were only a small handful of his pictures and videos, but there were over 400 of adam’s nudes, also pictures and videos, and some of which featured his wife. after this news broke, a thread was made on kiwifarms to document everything (the thread was created on october 4th). another thread was made on /pol/ shortly before this, claiming that ryan was grooming underaged fans, and that both ryan and adam had sexted with fans (both of age and underage). no sources or corroboration for this claim were given at the time.

WEEK 1, DAY 1 (october 4th):

initially, most of the focus was on adam, due to the sheer number of his nudes and the content within them. while people were suspicious of the veracity of ryan’s nudes, it became clear that the photos of adam were legitimate, as his face was shown in several of them, there was no evidence of photoshopping, and he has a distinct tattoo which made it pretty hard to dispute. heres a more sfw picture as an example.

the catfish had all of these images on hand, and due to the “sent to you” header on top we know that they were sent directly to the catfish, and not taken from adam’s phone, meaning he willingly sent these images to the catfish. note that his wife was indeed almost naked in the background (wearing only underwear), and there are multiple pictures and videos of her completely naked and sometimes even engaging in sex with adam. after a bit of analysis, people came to the conclusion that the pictures of ryan were real, as well.

ADAM’S WIFE, JESS KOVIC:

no response came from him at first, nor his wife - the only indication she gave that she knew what had happened was this cryptic comment on her instagram account, which she has since privated. no one is quite clear what this reaction means, nor has she confirmed or denied whether she consented to the pictures and videos being taken and sent to others.

soon after, people who’d (puzzlingly) decided to sift through the nudes discovered something jarring - some of the nudes he’d sent appeared to have been taken IN the rooster teeth office. heres a sfw example, but there were at least a dozen others taken in the same location.

RYAN:

ryan’s nudes were largely ignored in the beginning - there were a great deal more of adam’s, and while ryan’s were pretty standard nudes, adam’s were much more plentiful and had a lot more variety in the... activities depicted, shall we say. people were also fixated on the status of his wife’s consent in the matter, and so little attention was given to ryan, who was simply deemed a cheater and left at that.

ROOSTER TEETH & THE FANBASE:

unsurprisingly, rt attempted to immediately suppress any and all mention of the scandal when it first broke. heres an image of a handful of threads that were made on r/roosterteeth that day; as you can see, the ones highlighted in red have been deleted, and all were about the leaks. comments on the official rt site were instantly deleted as well. no official comment from the company or any of the employees, though a former funhaus employee (rahul kohli) commented mocking adam for the situation, and implied that things were worse than we yet realized.

WEEK 1, DAY 2 (october 5th):

although adam had been the primary focus of the first day of the news breaking, it began to look like there was little else to discuss with him. at worst, he seemed to be a cheater, and potentially sent nudes of his wife without her permission. still disgusting, but as there was no comment from him and no new updates on his situation, attentions turned, and a slow rumble began bubbling up with more accusations about ryan.

ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS:

an anonymous twitter account, @brotherxteresa (whose account has since been suspended), claims to have been speaking to girls who’d been sexual with ryan. they state that everyone they’ve spoken to was of age - significantly younger than ryan, true, but still legally able to consent. however, they confirm that ryan has indeed been getting around with fans, both via sexting and in-person. he also strongly implies that the mods knew, and asks them to comment, but their responses are predictably vague. notably, though, is this tweet from @grandaddyskulls, in which they condemn “proven disgusting behavior,” heavily implying that the mods did indeed deal with “unproven” accusations against ryan in the past. unfortunately, there are no sources for this at this time.

on the same day, tumblr user @juggey creates this post, containing screenshots of a conversation they had with one of ryan’s victims. within those screenshots is this particularly interesting one, in which ryan receives a nude from the fan in question, only to ask, in an almost joking tone, if they “turned him into a felon” by sending a nude. they confirm that they are an adult, but it becomes clear that ryan did not know the age of the fan before getting sexual with them, and seems to have a very flippant and casual approach to this.

later on, this tweet is posted by @jasminewill123, confirming that ryan has indeed been messing with fans for years. no sources are posted, though, just a verbal confirmation. @brotherxteresa also reveals that he is speaking to someone who was solicited by ryan for sex when they were a minor in this tweet thread, but doesnt share any info, stating that the minor is saving it for a potential court case. there is also this tweet from someone stating that they slept with him in 2017, and that he claimed to have never had sex with a fan before and removed the condom mid-sex. once again, no corroboration for this just yet.

RT’S RESPONSE:

still mainly radio silence from the company, except for this tweet cancelling the days stream. replies on this post are locked almost instantly. rt also begins a quiet sweeping of all ryan and adam-centric content and videos, including a video of ryan reading “thirsty tweets” from fans, and straight up cut ryan out of certain videos (like a recent AHWU). some of these videos were archived, but we dont have a complete list of what was removed.

on the slightly less official side, r/roosterteeth issues a statement basically saying that any post attempting to discuss the leaks will be deleted immediately, and the people who post them will be reported (and likely banned).

WEEK 1, DAY 3 (october 6th):

we get our first confirmation of ryan having sexted a fan from @jasminewill123, in the form of this previously-unseen picture of ryan (it’s sfw but is clearly a cropped nude). rahul kohli again makes snide comments about adam and funhaus in general, but does not share any details of what he means. rumors spread that one of the former funhaus members, lawrence sonntag, has sent an email to his subscribers regarding adam kovic, but no evidence of that comes up yet. jess kovic posts this tweet plugging her online store, but still declines to comment on the situation. things are pretty quiet for a while, until finally, the first shoe drops.

TESSA GRAVES

at 4:13 pm, a woman named tessa graves posts this youtube video and links to it on her twitter account (with associated screenshots in the same thread). she discusses at length how she met ryan and when their relationship became sexual. 

as a brief summary of her video: they met at a con in 2017, when she had just turned 17, and started talking on snapchat. the relationship was platonic for a while until tessa accidentally sent him a picture meant for a friend in which her bra strap was visible. ryan began to flirt with her after this, and soon their relationship became sexual, with nudes being exchanged and dirty texts being sent. she states in the video that ryan did not know her age, nor did he ask for it. the two of them sexted and sent nudes on and off for two years, and planned to hook up in person, but it never came to fruition.

shortly after uploading the video, she posts this screen-recording of her snap messages with ryan, scrolling back through months and months of messages between them, all the way back to late 2017. the snapchat account is confirmed to be his, and the screen-recording proves to be incredibly compelling evidence. this is the first girl to come out and say that ryan was sexual with her when she was underage, and that she did send him nudes as a minor. on her twitter account, someone noticed that ryan was online in the video and inquired about it - tessa confirms that ryan messaged her when he saw her recording their chat, but declined to share what his message said.

RYAN’S TWEET

around an hour after tessa’s video was posted, ryan posts this tweet, announcing his departure from rt. he states that he “made mistakes,” acknowledging that the pictures and screenshots were real, but specifically insists that he “did nothing illegal,” a clear comment on tessa’s accusation. 

(he also asks people to stop harassing his family, but im unsure if the claim is true, as i personally have only seen people empathizing with his wife and children and no negative comments about them at all. he may be referring to people messaging his wife for comment on the situation, or he may just be straight up lying. given all hes done, the latter seems quite likely.)

people quickly begin speculating whether or not ryan was fired or quit of his own volition. personally, i believe the company offered him the option to either resign right then and there, or let them fire him publicly, and he chose the former. this is all speculation, though.

WEEK 1, DAY 4 (october 7th):

lawrence sonntag’s email to his subscribers finally gets leaked; it basically just says that hes grossed out and pissed off by what happened, and ends with the cryptic comment that “adam never washed his hands.” (he later stated that he meant this literally. EW!)

later the same day, adam privates his twitter account, and removes all references to rooster teeth and funhaus in his bio. shortly after, he unfollows everyone he was following and changes his icon and header to a black image. (basic public breakdown stuff, i suppose?) 

NEW LEAK TIMELINE:

it’s discovered that an anonymous twitter user, @d74840281, had messaged ryan and adam weeks before regarding these leaks on september 18th. they also accuse ryan, adam, and several other youtube personalities - alec paul, kootra, nenreaper, and dormstreams - of “grooming the same minor.” (i dont know any of those people, but it seems relevant so i added it.)

it’s also revealed that the r/funhaus subreddit was aware of the leaks 2 weeks beforehand, meaning that the info was successfully suppressed until october 4th, and that it was likely well-known by all funhaus members and probably general rt staff, as well.

RT’S RESPONSE:

the official rt account on roosterteeth.com posts this update to their programming schedule, cancelling several rttv programs, putting both achievement hunter and funhaus on a week long break, and delaying the premiere of two new shows (”rvb zero” and “grudge night”)

not long after, they post these tweets stating that they have “parted ways” with both adam and ryan, confirming that both men are no longer rt employees. they are deliberately vague about whether the men were fired or quit, but given the responses from both, i think ryan likely chose to resign instead of be fired, and adam was probably just fired outright. 

RYAN’S MODS:

you may recall that, on the second day, the question of whether the mods knew about ryan’s doings was posed. their answers were, of course, extremely vague, but one of them in particular strongly implied that the mods had dealt with some kind of accusation against ryan in the past and either ignored or actively suppressed it. well, sure enough, two of the mods (@grandaddyskulls and @ohdeerbambi/) post tweets admitting that they knew the entire time. 

specifically, they state that someone came forward with accusations of ryan behaving inappropriately two years ago (2018), coupled with screenshots. the mods confronted ryan about this, and when ryan (predictably) lied about it, they decided to drop it instead of pursuing it further. 

ADAM’S TWEET:

at 10:49 pm, adam finally speaks up with a post on twitter, formally stating that he is leaving funhaus. he apologizes to his coworkers and fans, but primarily apologizes to his wife, stating that he has “upturned her life.” he describes the events thus far as an “unbelievable breach of privacy and peeling back of [his] life,” and says that he is stepping away in order to focus on repairing his relationship with his wife and working on himself. 

while we still have no confirmation on whether his wife consented to having those pictures and videos taken, we know with a good amount of certainty now that she did not consent to having them sent to others. this would likely qualify as revenge (or otherwise non-consensual) porn in the state of california, so if she pressed charges, adam would likely see jail time.

CAST MEMBERS REACT:

the first direct response from cast members come from michael, jeremy, and lindsay, stating their feelings of anger and betrayal, and strongly implying that none of them were aware of the goings-on. (while they definitely HAVE to say this cookie-cutter stuff for the sake of their image, i will say that theres really not much else a person can say in a situation like this while still being professional. i do tentatively believe all three of them, with the most doubt on michael.)  

at this time, lawrence sonntag unfollows ryan, as do gus and lindsay. interestingly, the first person ryan unfollows himself is lindsay - this could potentially mean that lindsay actually blocked him, which forces the other person to unfollow.

WEEK 1, DAY 5 (october 8th):

at this point, discussion of adam kovic all but tapers off. he has gone full radio silent, and no one has come out with any more stories about him, so it seems very likely that his wrongdoings begin and end with the initial sexting and sending nudes of his wife. the conversation begins to turn to focus on ryan in earnest.

RYAN’S WIFE:

a reddit post (that is sadly deleted now) is uncovered from 3 months ago that reveals he and his wife have been sleeping in separate rooms for some time - we’re unsure exactly how long, but most people who’ve mentioned it have said it started in may. according to ryan, this was because his wife was exposed to covid at her job, but the quarantine period for covid is only 2 weeks - why would they be sleeping in separate rooms for so long when they clearly were not doing so before?

it is speculated that his wife may have somehow learned of ryan’s dalliances, as he was also seen without his wedding ring in streams much more often around the same time. it is unknown exactly why, though, so take this with a grain of salt.

MORE ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS:

a deleted user on reddit makes a post stating that they, too, sexted with ryan while they were also married. their husband found out and threatened to leak the info, but the user was able to convince him not to do so and he - according to op - deleted what proof he had. although the original post is now deleted, a pinned moderator comment on it states that the user provided proof corroborating the story in private. you can read a copy-pasted version of that story here. (apologies if it’s out of order.)

MORE CAST MEMBER COMMENTARY:

a list of all known cast member statements can be found here. it’s pretty comprehensive, but there are some i want to address here directly:

lindsay snaps at someone who tries to call her out for “not supporting her family” (meaning ryan). this, for me, is the big reason why i feel that she, at the very least, is being sincere.

blaine posts this.... weird video of him working out and captions it “me figuring out how to convert anxiety into energy.” i guess it’s supposed to be somewhat of a mood lightener, but honestly it just feels kind of trivializing to me. idk what he was thinking LMAO

aaron marquis makes this... interesting (and vague) comment. no further elaboration on it, but it’s definitely unique in comparison to many others.

meg’s statement strikes me as particularly devoid of sincerity. it may just be confirmation bias, but i just feel like it’s incredibly hollow in comparison to the others (which are also kind of hollow LMAO).

joel heyman, who was fired from rt not long ago, doesnt comment directly, but does like this tweet which calls him “the only non-degenerate connected to rt.” (OCT. 12 EDIT: he has since posted this tweet with no context, but i think it’s pretty clear what hes referring to.)

tina dayton, streamer and wife of ray, posts this tweet letting people know that mentioning the ryan/adam situation to ray in streams will not be tolerated. (OCT. 21 EDIT: she posts this tweet a few days later, on october 15th, decrying anyone who wants to play “devils advocate” in support of an abuser against their victim.)

JAN 30 EDIT: this is very late, but sometime on or before january 6th, alfredo briefly discussed the ryan haywood situation on his stream and berated those who still support him. his closing statement is the perfect summation of all of these events: fuck ryan haywood.

WEEK 1, DAY 6 (october 9th):

adam kovic deletes his twitter account, and all other public social media. this is the last piece of relevant adam kovic information for several months to come.

MICHELLE VOLOGS

at 11:26 am, a twitter user named @MichelleVologs posts this tweet, containing a link to this video, called “what you need to know about ryan haywood,” in which she asserts - with proof - that she and ryan had sex on september 23rd 2017, when she was 17 years old.

brief summary: they began talking when she was 17 and dm’d him on instagram. it was platonic at first, but he began flirting with her and trying to sext with her, at which point she inquired about the nature of his relationship with his wife. he insisted that they were in a “sexless marriage” because his wife hates sex, and that he needed to seek it out elsewhere. (we have no idea if this is even remotely true - the only source claiming this is ryan himself.) they sexted for a while, then eventually met up in california and had sex in person (and much like the story that @jasminewill123 told, ryan removed the condom in the middle of sex). when michelle told ryan that she was underage, he simply stated that it was okay and that he “trusted her.” 

she shows screenshots throughout the video of their instagram dms, as well as some candid shots of ryan in their hotel room. (people have speculated that the latter two pictures may be ryan removing his wedding ring.) this picture also proves that they definitely met in person. take note of the fact that, in the dms, michelle keeps the conversation very platonic and professional - ryan is the one to initiate the sexual talk, and with zero prompting.

on top of this, michelle is also the first person to posit the idea that ryan deliberately chose to pursue young girls with mental health issues, a notion that will crop up again later.

EVEN MORE ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS

a reddit user by the name of “klowbie-frenzy” states that they, too, were victimized by ryan, though they dont publicly share their story or any particular info. they are encouraged to go to rt directly.

WEEK 1, DAY 7 (october 10th):

ryan begins deleting tweets, but other than that is completely radio silent. people analyzing ryan’s instagram notice this post, made on september 24th 2017 - the day after he and michelle had sex. sure enough, he is still in LA as he was the day before, and michelle herself comments on the post in a clear reference to the events of the day before, reasserting that she is telling the truth.

LEIGH:

yet another girl, leigh, comes forward and says she was sexually involved with ryan. she posts this (very long) document to her twitter account @leigh__sucks, which details the entirety of her relationship with ryan. unlike tessa and michelle, leigh was over 18 during the course of her experience with ryan (she was 20 when they first started talking).

brief summary of the document: she started messaging ryan on snapchat in 2017, and it remained platonic until february 2018, when they exchanged nudes for the first time. they sexted for a while, until hooking up for the first time at rtx 2018. leigh told someone she knew about the encounter, and this person began harassing leigh and ryan about it, threatening to tell his wife and leaving nasty comments on ryan’s stream. eventually the person backed off, and ryan and leigh continued sexting and meeting up for sex, on and off. according to her, they sexted as recently as september 2020.

this story is MUCH different than tessa’s and michelle’s, as leigh was still engaging with ryan fairly actively until only a month ago, and had a different perspective as an adult than the two underaged girls would have had. still, she is absolutely correct that ryan held a similar power over her due to his celebrity status, and that he took advantage of this.

she also provides screenshots and pictures of the two of them in the thread. although it is all VERY convincing - as if everything else hes done wasnt enough - theres something particularly unique in her thread, which is these screenshots of payments sent to her by ryan, under the name “sorta malicious gaming.” why is ryan sending leigh money under this name relevant? well...

RYAN’S DONATIONS:

one of ryan’s mods reveals that the email ryan used to send this money was connected to his stream. according to ryan, the money he received from twitch donations and bits went to his children’s college funds, or any necessary big-ticket expenditures like home repairs - however, as we can see here, that was a complete lie. this means that all donations he received, which he claimed went to taking care of himself and his family, were actually being spent on gifts and plane tickets for the girls he was hooking up with. im not sure if he could get into any legal trouble here - im doubtful, since they are donations - but this is just another way he took advantage of his fans, only this time is financial instead of sexual. and speaking of taking advantage of fans...

RYAN “VENTS” TO LEIGH:

shortly after posting her document, leigh added an update to say that ryan had redownloaded snapchat and that she’d immediately began taking screenshots. surprisingly, ryan messaged her and asked if she’d speak with him. leigh agreed (for the purpose of getting more screenshots, according to her), and ryan began talking about how his marriage and career were over, how he never meant to victimize anyone, and that the girls coming out would rather “make him the bad guy” than accept that theyd slept with him willingly. 

leigh mentions that it occurred to her how ryan would always cast doubt on any rumors by claiming that whatever girl hed been involved with was “crazy,” and notes that he did the same to her, all while calling her his “friend.” this will be relevant again later. 

ryan goes on to point the finger at leigh specifically, saying that he ‌“still‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌know‌ ‌if‌ ‌[she] ‌was‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌add‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌fire‌ ‌at‌ ‌this‌ ‌point,”‌ ‌and‌ ‌how‌ ‌he‌ ‌“hoped‌ ‌[she wouldn’t]‌ ‌for‌ ‌his‌ ‌kids’‌ ‌sake.” all the while, leigh notes that he was deleting messages, proving to her that ryan was more fixated on his image and manipulating her into doing what HE wanted, rather than doing the right thing. here are screenshots of the conversation between leigh and ryan, and here are some clearer photos (as some are a bit blurry due to being taken on another phone).

WEEK 2, DAY 1 (october 11th):

this day is mostly quiet as people attempt to digest the absurd influx of information from the days prior, as well as the huge bombshell dropped by leigh in particular. 

RYAN’S DISCORD SERVER:

it’s discovered that ryan likely found out about the leaks very early on (either the very first day, or the day of tessa’s accusation), because he was noted as being online in his discord server, which he apparently rarely used.

the users in his discord server immediately disown him upon learning of his preying on minors, and assert that the server is now a general server instead of a ryan haywood server.

YOU GUESSED IT - MORE ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS:

this tweet thread is made by @trickstress_ stating that, while working with “the madhouse” (not exactly sure what this is, but it seems like some kind of ryan-themed community server), they attempted to get ryan to address a situation occurring behind the scenes in which someone was being bullied and harassed by other members. when ryan is sent five pages of screenshots and evidence, he basically says that screenshots are not proof and that the victim simply “wanted” to be offended. this caused trick and a few others to leave the madhouse.

in the same screenshot, he mentions a situation involving another certain user that he is dealing with (the name of the person in question is redacted in blue), and trick speculates that the person in blue may be another one of ryan’s victims.

meanwhile, twitter user @eacalpreon (whose account appears to be deleted) states that they uncovered this tumblr post from august 25th, 2019, about someone who spotted ryan at an austin hotel they used to work at, entering a hotel room booked by someone that was certainly NOT his wife. at the time of posting, this was simply brushed off as speculation and ignored.

KAYLA:

at 10:03 am, this tweet is posted by @HADERSRICHIE/, detailing yet another story of their encounters with ryan. unlike other stories, kayla unfortunately does not have any screenshot evidence due to losing it all after unfriending ryan from snapchat in 2018 - but in all honesty, at this point we know hes guilty, so that part is not as relevant.

brief summary of the document: the two began talking on snapchat in february 2017, but they didnt begin talking regularly until june 2017, after kayla had moved to austin (for non-related reasons). kayla reveals that she is the user from trick’s tweet thread that was bullied out of the madhouse, and that ryan was not only unhelpful, but was actively telling people that she was a “crazy psycho.” she also backs up the idea that ryan seemed to deliberately target girls with mental health issues. in late 2017/early 2018, the two “make up” and ryan initiates sexual talk. within the first day of flirting, ryan sends kayla a dick pic. the two sexted for a while, and eventually did hook up in person. they hooked up 3 times in total before kayla unfriended ryan on snapchat and ceased all communication with him. 

unlike other cases, kayla was of age (23/24) when this all went down. later on, trick confirms on reddit that kayla was indeed the person from her tweet thread whose name was censored in blue.

DOT:

at 3:37 pm, this tweet thread is posted by @alijdotroro stating that she was also involved with ryan for a few months. her thread is fairly short, and she states that they never had sex in person or anything to the same extent as some of the others - he flirted with her for the first time while she was at a concert, it continued for several months, then he got bored and stopped it. dot was unable to provide screenshots as she had deleted her snapchat. 

JACK’S STATEMENT:

jack pattillo posts this tweet at 8:16 pm, containing this document regarding the ryan (and adam) situation. he first addresses his feelings of anger, betrayal, and guilt, stating that he feels somewhat responsible as he helped to create the same platform that ryan abused. he goes on to thank everyone who has had kind words for him and the other rt staff, and states that while he knows everyone handles rough situations differently, he hopes that people can understand his desire to think positively. he goes on to say that he knows it will be difficult for fans to trust rt going forward, but that he hopes they will give rt another chance and that they (rt) “will be better - [they] have to be.” 

as far as all of the statements go, in my opinion, this one is the most sincere of all (although lindsay’s is definitely the most sincere for me) - jack clearly wrote this himself instead of using standard “shocked” quotes as many of the other rt cast did, and while it is definitely very damage control-y, i can easily tell that he, at the very least, is taking the matter seriously. this doesnt necessarily mean that jack 100% didnt know, but at this point i am inclined to believe that he didnt.

WEEK 2, DAY 2 (october 12th):

twitter user @fantaisieally discusses her own experiences with ryan haywood; they chatted on snapchat starting in 2017, she would often go to him for dating advice, and while ryan finally tried to hit on her, he got completely deaded when she told him that he was “like her older brother.” honestly this one is just really funny to me, like she completely curved his ass and he had to flounder talking about “i was JOKING lol just a joke!” it’s pretty glorious after all this terrible shit.

someone on reddit notes that after ally turns him down, ryan doesnt apologize or anything, but instead continues the “joke” in such a way that prompts her to accept his offer while still giving him plausible deniability. (that phrase is going to come up quite a bit with regard to his overall “strategy.”)

KATIE B:

at 9:08 am, twitter user @frizzical/ posts this tweet thread, documenting her own relationship with ryan. she states that, while their relationship thankfully never turned sexual, ryan absolutely attempted to groom her into sex and even mentioned her to another girl, saying he wanted a threesome with both of them.

brief summary of the document: katie started watching his streams when she was 17, and ryan knew her by name very quickly. they started talking on snapchat shortly after she turned 18, and although it was generally rt-related, one day she reached out asking for advice on a personal situation that ryan was incredibly helpful with, leading to them talking semi-regularly. they talked about katie’s abusive home life and mental health issues, and while things were mostly platonic, ryan would sometimes drop inappropriate questions in, such as if katie was a virgin and what her sexuality was. when katie hit hard financial times, ryan attempted multiple times to send her money, and when katie refused to take charity, he would make a “joke” about having her pay it off with sex.

eventually ryan forced her to accept the money, stating that he would no longer speak to her if she didnt. ryan was katie’s main support system, and so she felt she had no choice but to accept it. she states that he sent her $1000 in total, all of which came from his twitch’s paypal. he also actively tried to turn katie against her best friend - kayla, who was the other victim mentioned on week 2, day 1 (october 11th) - by telling her that kayla was crazy, but this did not work. in 2019, katie moved in with ryan’s mod bambi, and ryan very suddenly cut off contact completely. ryan and katie got back in contact as recently as earlier this week, and when she began taking screenshots of their snap conversations, ryan dm’d her on twitter to confront her about it, further trying to manipulate her. she ends with a message of support for the other girls. 

the messages ryan sent katie are viewable in the thread, but i would like to link them directly here to show how he manipulates victims. notice how he once again pins the blame on the victim for taking screenshots, instead of himself for being a fucking creep. 

RT’S RESPONSE:

they’ve been pretty quiet the last few days, but someone noticed that the off topic podcast episode #177 has been removed from iOS podcasts. this episode is the one where the guys discuss ryan’s habit of leaving business trips a day late. i find it extremely interesting that the company is claiming ignorance of the situation, yet would remove this VERY key piece of information in the process.

OFF TOPIC #177

i originally just had this as a bulletpoint in the miscellanous info section, but decided to move it to its own segment because it is actually quite significant to this story. in this video, michael, jeremy, gavin, ray, geoff, and andy blanchard discuss ryan’s habit of always leaving business trips a day late.

quick description: michael brings up a conversation he had with ryan about staying an extra day on business trips, and paraphrases ryan as saying that he prefers to stay away longer because “[his wife] isnt gonna watch [the kids], im not gonna get a fucking second at home.” michael then states that theyve “gotten to the bottom of this,” that ryan just wants to sleep before “going home to that nightmare.” 

as michael is talking, geoff and jeremy both go quiet and look very pensive and glassy-eyed, while ray tries to joke that the quote was a “cry for help from ryan” but immediately frowns after saying so. gavin, jeremy, and andy are completely quiet for the entire second half of the video. michael tries to paper over it by saying that ryan loves his kids very much as evidenced by their frequent appearances in his streams, but a visibly-uncomfortable ray makes another “joke” that having his kids appear in his videos is “easy money.”

then there is a VERY awkward silence in which everyone looks super uncomfortable, jeremy takes a massive gulp of his drink, ray has his hand over his mouth as he stares hard at michael and shakes his head repeatedly (as if telling him to stop talking), and geoff lets out a HUGE sigh, as if he’s just realized something terrible. michael ends the clip with the comment that they didnt “jack” ryan, meaning that they werent making fun of ryan to have him come on the podcast and defend himself. (OCT. 12 EDIT: thanks to @juggey for clarifying this!) although it’s not included in this short clip, the full podcast shows that the incredibly tense moment is cut by fiona nova immediately walking on set with a puppy out of nowhere. very fucking weird.

while it is largely circumstantial, i find this clip is extremely telling, and i think this is the moment where they realized that something was going on with ryan’s homelife (either they recognized that the real reason he wanted to stay behind was to cheat, or they’d simply put together that he was not happy at home for whatever reason). the fact that this off topic is one of the only ones to have been taken down also really strikes me as important.

ALISON

at 2:31 pm, twitter user @adothop posted some screenshots of conversations between herself and ryan. they did not have a sexual relationship, but looks like ryan tried hard (and failed hard LMAO) at flirting with her, to no avail. not much else to say about this one - it’s pretty straightforward.

RYAN’S STATEMENT

at 7:48 pm (around the same time i uploaded this post, lmao), ryan posted this statement on his twitter account, discussing the events of this past week. he takes full accountability for his actions, stating that he abused his position and crossed the line as a public figure, while also asking that people stop harassing his family. the statement’s about as cookie cutter as it can get - after all, what can a person really say to absolve themselves after being outed as doing so much horrid stuff?

i again am skeptical of the claim that his family is being harassed, though i dont doubt that people are harassing HIM directly, but in any case it’s as much of a non-apology as one might expect. he even tries to shift blame by saying he “always came from a place of what [he] thought was a shared connection.” it’s boilerplate bullshit, as usual.

ANOTHER RH STORY ANON

sometime around 9 pm, a reddit user going by r/anotherrhstoryanon (i will call them anon for short) put this post on the r/roosterteeth subreddit, and linked to a 30 page google doc detailing their relationship with ryan. the timeline of this one is very difficult to parse, but i will do my best to lay it out clearly. particular tw for this story - it describes in detail sexual abuse, physical abuse, and features ddlg heavily throughout. i will not be linking any images directly - please view the doc for those.

(not-so)-brief summary: im not certain of when ryan and anon originally started talking, but the earliest message shown in their conversation is from december 2016, and the first time they met up in person was april 2017. they were “together” for at least a year, as anon states that it took them until march 2018 to begin distancing themselves from ryan. their relationship was HEAVILY steeped in dd/lg culture - ryan almost solely referred to anon as names like “little girl,” “baby girl,” even calls them “kiddo” in the VERY FIRST SCREENSHOT and asks if theyve ever been with an older man. given that he already dipped below the age of consent twice (that we know of - we currently do not know the age of this anon), this is a very horrifying start.

anon admits pretty early on - to both ryan (in the screenshots) and the reader - that they were very intimidated by him, and felt a sort of compulsion to do as he ordered. but as they say quite clearly, they realized soon into their “relationship” that even though they wanted to please ryan so he’d like them, they hated having sex with him, hated BEING sexual with him, and just generally hated being with him. although they enjoyed sex the first time, they note that sex with ryan was rough and painful every time after, leading to them tearing more than once and bleeding EVERY time, and sometimes causing them to be unable to sit or walk after. 

ryan not only ignored anon every time they asked him to be more gentle, but seemed to get off on it, making comments about how they “needed more abuse” or that they “had to work up to it.” on top of all this, ryan would not wear a condom while having sex with anon, and lied to them about them being the only fan he was having sex with - which they believed until august 2020, more than two years later, when ryan said there was “one other fan.” in actuality, ryan had been sleeping with multiple girls and often removing the condom during sex, a fact well-documented here. 

anon ends the document by tying their story to several other known facts, to show the pattern of ryan’s behavior, and sharing some other pertinent info. some of these include:

- a picture of them taken in a hotel room mirror, in an identical room and position to the picture leigh took. 

- this video, at timestamp 8:27, of the off topic podcast #87. in this short moment, ryan idly licks a cupcake. anon shows a screenshot in which ryan messaged her and admitted that he was thinking about her while he was licking it. 

- screenshots of ryan attempting (again with limited success) to give anon money or buy them presents. anon was resistant to this, as katie had been, but ryan managed to convince them to accept a remote controlled sex toy. later in the same exchange, he uses the term “plausible deniability” again. there is a reason this keeps cropping up - he very likely used the phrase often.

- a screenshot of anon telling ryan point blank that the power dynamic between them was imbalanced. this message is dated may 23rd, 2020 - and around june 12th, 2020 was leigh’s exchange with ryan, in which he tells leigh that he is older and “some kind of quasi-internet person,” and is worried this will influence her.

- screenshots of ryan admitting to choking anon without their permission. according to anon, this was not the first time he did something to them without permission, and it wasnt even the non-consensual act anon was referring to when they brought it up. i sincerely cannot overstate my fucking disgust here.

there is a lot more i can get into here, but im going to cut it off here for the sake of brevity (and out of disgust, honestly). please consider reading all 30 pages, if you can stomach it - it truly is even worse than it sounds. theres a reason i didnt link to any of their messages directly.

WEEK 2, DAY 3 (october 13th):

sometime earlier in the week (im not sure when, as the “adam kovic” aspect of the story has been pretty much lost the plot), jess kovic deletes her twitter account. the reason why is pretty easy to guess. then, sometime today, it’s discovered that she has also deleted all posts containing pictures of adam on her instagram account.

(JAN 30 EDIT: this was originally an archive link which showed all of the most recent posts on jess’s insta, of which quite a few adam ones had been deleted [i saw it myself the day it was posted]. unfortunately, it appears the archive was taken down, so ive replaced the original link with a screenshot from kiwifarms of the first person to mention it on the thread. i know thats not amazing proof, but sadly its the best i can do.)

this all but confirms that jess did not consent to having those pictures/videos sent to other people, if she consented to having them taken at all, and this makes adams actions even more disgusting than we initially believed them to be.

RH ANON PT. 2:

people are still reeling from the absolutely horrendous document released the day before (oct. 12) when anon posts a short update on the very last page of the doc, which you can read here. they clear up some points that people were confused on; most are not relevant for our purposes, but the biggest one is that anon confirms they were NOT underage during their “relationship” with ryan and that he knew this. 

anon also confirms that ryan deliberately lied about the circumstances of their “relationship” in order to keep them from backing out of it, as he knew they would not want to proceed with a sexual relationship if he admitted the truth. based on context, i am taking this to mean that he lied about not sleeping with anyone else, and about wearing condoms if he did. 

MEGASHINY:

at 3:04 pm, ryan’s mod meg (who i will be calling by her username, megashiny, for the sake of clarity) posts this tweet, which contains a link to this document. in this document, she admits that ryan took advantage of his position over her (as, being his mod, she was basically his employee) and started sending her nudes without consent in september 2017 (she says it was a sunday, so either the 6th, 13th, 20th, or 27th - notice the proximity to his encounters with michelle and tessa). 

brief summary: he played the same card he had with the others, talking about his sexless marriage, and convinced megashiny to sleep with him. when she asked him point blank how many other girls he was involved with, he lied and said only one or two - as we clearly note, there were many, many more than that. she did not want to sleep with him, but like anon from yesterday, felt compelled to do what he asked. even when megashiny tried to say no to a sex act he wanted to do, he told her he “knew how to make her say yes.” he also knew about her having adhd and anxiety, and in conjunction with the other girls, strikes me as yet another continuation of his pattern of targeting mentally ill and neurodivergent women and girls.

while megashiny was somewhat close in age to ryan (she was 28 at the time), if youll notice in her picture, she is quite thin and small in stature - both of which contribute to her looking pretty young. while i do believe ryan knew her age, it would not surprise me if he pursued her because she had the APPEARANCE of being in her late teens.

megashiny posts an update later the same day, detailing the exact method weve seen happen with the other girls before - ryan would “throw all this attention and praise at [them], make [them] feel special,” only to “basically ghost [them].” this left the girls feeling like theyd done something wrong, but in actuality, it was all part of his plan to keep them dependent on and obedient to him. these same patterns crop up in every story, no matter the variables.

she also admits that she essentially helped ryan with his “sexcapades” by either covering for him, encouraging the girls to sleep with him, or just generally keeping her mouth shut regarding what she knew about them. (this part is very vaguely described, so i can only surmise what she means specifically, but i do think this is essentially what she is saying.) shortly after she posted this, ryan called her and begged her for over an hour to not divulge anymore information, and to “think of his wife and kids.” 

RYAN BEGINS MESSAGING VICTIMS: 

at 7:04 pm, michelle posts this tweet, with the caption “how it started vs how it ended (hopefully, and please stop harassing me)” and two pictures. the first picture is of her first exchange with ryan on instagram; the second picture is a more recent message from ryan (not sure exactly what day it was received, but as it still shows his old icon, it is definitely a few days old), begging her to take down her video and tweets and to “think about his kids.” (brief tw for suicide mention in the next two paragraphs.)

he even goes so far as to strongly imply that he is going to kill himself, telling michelle that he is “going to die” and that “he will die for this if you [michelle] want.” from the statement michelle made, it seems likely that he has sent her similar messages over the course of the last week. michelle must have blocked him on his original account, because he then made this throwaway account and dm’d her again, repeating the same sort of rhetoric and begging her to remove her statements “for his kids.”

in the same tweet thread, another victim, ileena (who was shown accusing ryan very early on in a previous screenshot) posts an old screenshot of a conversation between her and ryan, in which she is actively suicidal and ryan begs her not to kill herself because “practically there’s no way they wouldnt investigate and figure out you and i had stuff going on.” he straight up tells her that he doesnt want her to die because their affair will be discovered.

(note: ileena’s original screenshot contains a full, unblocked number that could potentially belong to ryan - but DO NOT CONTACT THIS NUMBER. he is a disgusting monster, but it is not anyone’s place to needlessly antagonize him, and we dont even know that that is his actual number to begin with. i am only putting this disclaimer because the screenshot is easily viewable in the thread; i wouldnt even mention it otherwise.) 

CAS:

not long after midnight, @slayercas/ (who i will refer to as “cas” for short) posts this cryptic tweet, strongly hinting at needing to say something important, but being scared to do so due to a lack of evidence - the surrounding tweets are all about ryan haywood, making it highly likely they are alluding to having been one of his victims. approximately 4 hours later, they received this message from a throwaway account, ostensibly owned by ryan.

notably, though, is the fact that this is NOT the same throwaway account which ryan was messaging michelle from - the account michelle was messaged from is @pleaseR73880233, while the account cas was messaged from, although the name is partially obscured, ends with the number “7384736.” no confirmation on cas’s claim, nor whether the account is truly ryan’s. 

(OCT. 14 EDIT: the full name seems to be @pleaseR27384736, which originally led to this cryptically bereft page. note the join date, amount of tweets, and amount of followers - the account was in use for quite some time, and may have had a different username before messaging cas. someone also takes note of the fact that there was an intern named “amber” who worked at rooster teeth years ago, but so far no connection has been made between the name and anyone else. 

sadly, this account has since been deleted, so no proper analysis of who it is following and who follows it can be done. the username has since been taken and the account replaced with this - take their personal opinion with a grain of salt.)   

MJ:

at 9:21 am, twitter user @mjmills_ posts these tweets containing these screenshots of a recent conversation with ryan. although she declines to share her story right then, she notes that ryan has been taking screenshots of their old conversations, a statement which causes ryan to message her asking “where [she is] on the hate meter” and once again trying to manipulate her. although nothing is forthcoming right away, this will pop up again later.

WEEK 2, DAY 4  (october 14th):

rt’s community manager, jackie izawa, announces her departure from the company. i cant even imagine how much shit she was inundated with after this news broke, but given that she explicitly mentions her mental health being a factor in her decision, im willing to bet it was a lot.

joel heyman also posts this incredibly eyebrow-raising tweet, clearly accusing rt staff of having known full well about ryan’s actions ahead of time. given that he was fired not long ago, it is entirely possible that he is just stirring the pot - but as he is a former rt founder, there may be some truth to his claim. if it IS true, however, then it reflects just as poorly on him, as it means that he ALSO knew about ryan and did nothing.

RYAN’S SOCIAL MEDIA:

sometime in the morning (before 11 am), ryan deletes his twitter account and his instagram. the throwaway account that was used to message michelle is also deleted around the same time, making it highly likely that it did indeed belong to ryan.

interestingly, the account that messaged cas is not deleted until much later (somewhere around 1:30-2 pm), and not before sending some more harassing messages. note the final message which says that “[his] family can’t handle another story coming out.” this strongly implies that there are even more girls than we’ve already seen - and counting every single accusation we know of, not just confirmed ones, we’ve already gotten somewhere between 10-15 girls.  

CAS PT. 2:

after some more messages from the potential ryan account, cas posts this follow-up tweet to clarify some points. she states clearly that she was NOT underage, and lives local to austin, which would explain both her fears about speaking out and how she could have encountered ryan. 

JACK AND MICHAEL:

in the early afternoon, jack and michael go live on youtube to do a stream together - but first, the monumental task of discussing ryan. (OCT. 14 EDIT: the original video was privated almost immediately after its conclusion; here is a reupload. it is sadly missing quite a few moments due to the site crashing periodically, but the majority of their conversation is there.) 

some key bits from the conversation:

- the first minute or so, both jack and michael have difficulty speaking, and stutter/stop short quite a bit before jack finally begins to talk in earnest. jack expresses disgust and regret immediately, apologizing to the community for “letting [them] down,” and thanks people who have been supportive to the victims and rt staff.

- michael point blank states that the achievement hunter staff - and probably more, also - were put into “counseling.” he does not specify whether he means LEGAL counseling or EMOTIONAL counseling, but given the way both he and jack act throughout the video, im all but certain that it’s the latter.

- jack asks that people not bother geoff, as he is “going through his own stuff,” and strongly implies that the situation with ryan has thrown him for a massive loop and possibly sent him into a downward spiral.

- michael states that they will NOT be discussing ryan at all during off-topic, and notes that they no longer want to even mention his name, let alone spend time talking about him at length (and, indeed, they do not address him by name in the video even once - jack mainly refers to him as “that guy” or “that monster,” while michael only refers to ryan as “he” or “him”). i personally am in pretty strong disagreement with the way theyve chosen to approach this, but i can understand the reasoning behind it.

- jack announces the return of rt extra life, and states that they will be doing a full week of 12 hour streams instead of one 24 hour stream “to make up for all the shit that happened this year.” 

- this is a small moment, and COMPLETE conjecture on my part, but i noticed it pretty quickly; at timestamp 14:15, when michael’s child cries off-screen, he slightly turns toward that direction, then seems to suddenly get upset and turns his face away from the camera, so his hair and hat obscure most of his profile. he seems to take a hard swallow, bites his lip (which is quivering), and rubs his face hard before turning back toward the camera. all of these things in conjunction make it seem that he was biting back tears, or otherwise chasing away some bad thought (possibly about ryan’s kids?).  

while i, as always, remain skeptical that no one knew about ryan, i do have to admit that this video is extremely saddening to watch. jack is audibly on the verge of tears for the entire 20-minute video, and michael looks absolutely miserable from beginning to end, as well - his hair is visibly unkempt under his hat, and his face is contorted into a grimace pretty much the whole time, all of which speaks to a sincere depressive state. in any case, rt as a whole has been well and truly fucked by this series of events.

SURVIVORS OF RYAN PT. 1:

earlier in the day, the twitter account @survivorsofryan (run by katie) received these dms from an anonymous account, stating that they were involved with ryan many years ago, around 2004/2005, and that he was still dating his girlfriend (now wife) at that time. they conclude that he has been cheating on her since at least 2004, possibly even earlier than that. note that this anonymous person also fits into ryan’s “preferred” age range of 18 or just over 18, while ryan was in his mid 20s at the time.

RYAN’S MODS 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

all of ryan’s mods (katie, bambi, freckles, and more) have their mod powers removed from his youtube and twitch channels. freckles posits an excellent question - why would he remove their mod powers instead of just simply deleting both accounts?

there arent many answers i can think of other than the obvious one - that ryan sincerely plans to return to his online career once this “blows over.” his entitlement is absolutely unthinkable.

ASTRID ROSE:

at 7:01 pm, twitter user @astridrose_20 posts this tweet containing this document, detailing her relationship with ryan. (tw for sexual abuse.) 

summary: their first contact was in late 2018, when astrid was 18. she reached out to him to thank him for his positive content and mentioned her mental health struggle and abusive home life, and ryan responded in a kind way and comforted her. they had a friendly, platonic relationship for a short while, but he soon became suggestive. initially, astrid shut down his advances due to viewing him as a father figure, but was scared that he would sever contact should she not acquiesce. feeling indebted to him for his kindness, astrid rose eventually accepted his advances. 

they sexted for some time until meeting in person in 2019. astrid told ryan she was a virgin and was not on birth control, but ryan assured her he would wear a condom. ryan was, as many girls before have mentioned, very rough and gave her no time to adjust, and removed the condom halfway through sex in spite of astrid telling him she did not want him to. much like the r/roosterteeth anon mentioned, ryan was very rough, and astrid could hardly walk after.

they met up 10 more times after this, and every meeting eventually went this way - astrid could not take pill-form bc due to it making her feel unwell, so every time ryan would promise to wear a condom, and every time he would remove it in the middle of sex. astrid also states that, like the r/roosterteeth anon, ryan did things “similar” to the choking he did to that anon, but astrid did not want to specify any more than this. 

eventually, as a result of her trauma, astrid began binge eating and gained weight. ryan apparently lost interest in her due to this and cut all contact with her, at which point she deleted all their messages and other forms of contact. 

although the story does not have any corroborating evidence, this lines up extremely well with what we have already learned about ryan, and i cant really find myself doubting any bit of it, as it all seems to fit very clearly into the picture. 

KRISTEN M/TATS:

at 8:21 pm, a community member by the name of kristen (nicknamed tats by the community - i will be referring to her as “tats”) posts this tweet containing yet another story about ryan. the story is thankfully not as horrific as some of the others, but is elucidating nonetheless.

brief summary: tats first reached out to ryan in 2013, as she had just founded the blog “fuckyeahrtfanfic” (which is exactly what it sounds like) and wanted to do a q&a with some rt cast members. ryan agreed, and after the q&a she and ryan both kept up contact. tats notes that, while ryan definitely started their relationship off similarly to that of the other girls (being kind and sweet, helping them with emotional problems, sending gifts and other such things, then progressing to sexually suggestive comments and “jokes”), things did not go the same way for her.

simply put, tats did not indulge ryan at all in the sexual stuff very much, and would either brush past it or not notice it. she notes that, after a while - primarily when the other girls, like his twitch mods, came into the picture - their interactions became shorter, more business-like, and much more rare. she concludes by wondering if there was anything she could have done had she been more knowledgeable about what was going on.

while the story is not an allegation in itself, it is indeed telling about ryan’s process, as it shows clearly what happens if the girls he spoke to didnt meet his “standards.” tats does seem grateful to have been spared a much worse fate, but she notes that big parts of her life that were populated by interactions with ryan have now been sullied, and that she feels a tremendous amount of guilt for what little involvement she had in pushing girls toward ryan (as she states that some of the people who’ve come forward were people she knew and unintentionally “placed in harm’s way”). his selfish behavior has had a massive impact that extends far beyond himself and his victims, and it’s horrific to think about.

WEEK 2, DAY 5 (october 15th):

this day was pretty uneventful, overall: only one major breakthrough that i could see.

MJ PT. 2:

at 10:46 am, MJ posts this tweet containing this google doc detailing her relationship with ryan. her story is quite different, as she is currently (as of october 15th) the only girl to have been in ryan’s age range (she was 30 at the time, ryan was 38), and was also married at the time of their relationship.

brief summary: she and ryan began talking around november 2018, and although she was married, both she and her husband were interested in pursuing a polyamorous relationship/open marriage (im not clear on exactly which, as mj uses the term “polyam,” but what she describes sounds closer to an open marriage which allows for no-strings sex outside of the relationship). mj vented to ryan about her anxieties with pursuing this kind of marriage, and ryan talked her through it and vented about his own marital troubles. they began to flirt in earnest.

in december 2018, mj approached ryan about rumors she had heard of other girls, which ryan of course denied. mj found out later that month that there were indeed others. in january 2019, ryan offered to fly her out to austin for a hook-up (using the money from his twitch account, of course). with her husbands approval, mj went in february, and they spent a while together - but when she returned home, ryan immediately ghosted her, and did not talk to her for a few weeks after. mj notes how disgusted and used she felt after the fact, but something still drew her to him, and they continued to have an on-off “relationship” until as recently as this year, where she notes that their conversations slowed basically to a halt. she ends the doc with an apology to everyone who was hurt by ryan. 

at this point, the stories are likely going to be much more of the same, as it’s clear that ryan had a predetermined system for how he’d approach these hook-ups, so i expect many more stories along these lines in the coming days. 

WEEK 2, DAY 6 (october 16th):

@slayercas/ abandons her twitter account due to continual harassment from yet another “pleaseread” account. do note that this is NOT the same account as before, since that one was deleted and then repurposed - this new one is completely barren, with only two (inexplicable) followers and no tweets or content to speak of. i am hesitant to believe that this is truly ryan, as the message really doesnt sound like something he would send at this point in time - however, i dont believe cas has faked this either (after all, why would she abandon the account if she was faking messages from ryan “for attention”?).

my outstanding theory is that someone completely unrelated has made up the account to mess with cas, as we know for sure that at least one person disbelieved cas enough to take the name of the previous account and say so in their description. on top of that, the fact that some of the numbers included are “911″ - making me think 9/11 - and “88401″ - making me think someone tried to slip in a “1488″ reference, but didnt want it to be obvious - have me skeptical that this is a real ryan throwaway. again, this is complete conjecture; please take it with a grain of salt.

SURVIVORS OF RYAN PT. 2:

at 10:25 am, @survivorsofryan posts this tweet containing this document from an anonymous person. (i will refer to them as UK anon, since that is where they are from.)

brief summary: UK anon starts off by saying that, while they did not sleep with ryan themselves, they know someone who has and is going to allow them to speak out for themselves. moving to themselves, they first spoke to ryan in march 2017, and sent him the usual “thank you for your content” message on his snapchat. they were in a discord group for RT, and apparently a few of them decided to send ryan suggestive pictures, which started off a few sexting relationships between them and him. according to UK anon, one of the discord members flew out - on their own dime - to sleep with him, while others had been sexting with him for a long time and were even still doing so recently. 

UK anon did meet ryan at rtx london in 2018, and was even brought on stage and sat next to him by lawrence sonntag (from funhaus) - she states that she’s fairly certain he recognized her, as he made it a point to be very physically close to her and to touch her quite a bit. she notes that, before this, she and many other girls had long since cut contact with him, and he’d promised he would stop the cheating and sexting with fans (which we, of course, know was a complete lie). she ends by saying that they thought they knew the truth about ryan, that he was simply a liar and cheater, but in actuality he was a sexual predator who’d been manipulating girls all along, and that this has floored her and her friends.

ON THE SPOT #80

as with off topic #177, i was going to put this in miscellaneous, but it is actually a huge moment in the context of this story. someone uncovers this moment from on the spot episode 80 (timestamp is 29:40 if the link doesnt work), in which burnie, barbara, jeremy, and ryan are playing “never have i ever,” and jon puts forth the prompt “never have i ever sent nude pics.” ryan takes a big swig, as does jeremy, and jon presses it by asking both of them if the nudes were sent to “someone other than [their wives].” ryan states that hes “not having this conversation” and that he had a life before he was married, to which barbara “jokingly” responds, “and after!”

burnie, however, looks a bit perturbed and says, “you had a life before your wife before camera phones?” to which ryan responds, “email existed back then, and camera phones.” that seems to cover it, you would think, EXCEPT that ryan is telling an out and out lie.

firstly, as we clearly know, he was sexting many more people than his wife, and quite recently. it was stupid of him to not just lie and say no, honestly, but i think weve come to realize ryan is not that bright. secondly, while ryan got married in 2007, he was dating his wife for a few years before that, as this anonymous contributor confirmed days ago - he was already dating his wife in 2004, when he had an affair with the anon. 

third, he is correct that camera phones and email existed back then - however, the average phone at that time did NOT have a camera, and the ones that did capped at 1.3 megapixels, which tended to look something like this. (forgive the random picture; its all i could find to show what i meant.) note how grainy and small the image is, and also take into consideration that this would have been the camera on a top-of-the-line phone in 2004, NOT the sort of phone the average person would have owned. this is assuming 2004 is the latest year he could have sent such pictures to someone without being in a relationship with his wife; camera phones were almost unheard of pre-2003, so his story completely falls apart there. 

he does have a point about the email aspect, but if we are sincerely considering that he may not be lying here, this would mean that he was finding people online to send nudes to (in a VERY pre-social media world; this wouldve been on like, bbs sites, or miscellaneous blogs/homepages, so it wouldve required some serious searching), taking nudes on a digital camera, manually uploading all the pictures to his computer, sorting out the nudes of choice, and then sending them. i dont think i need to go much further into this to show how quickly the basic concept of this falls apart.

WEEK 2, DAY 7 (october 17th):

not much to say in terms of ryan/his victims so far today, but i think this is relevant, so im going to include it - we instead get a surprise tweet from trevor collins, who was previously accused of cheating on and abusing his ex gf, which contains this statement basically refuting the claims entirely with many screenshots. 

i know absolutely nothing about the original trevor accusation, as i was no longer watching rt when trevor joined the crew and had long since lost interest in rt by the time the accusations began going around, so i cannot speak to the veracity of anything said in here, or of the original accusation. i will decline to state my personal opinion on the document, and instead just link it for you all to peruse. 

CAS PT. 2:

at 7:48 pm, @slayercas/ (OCT. 21 EDIT: the account name is now @otpineedyou) posts this tweet containing a document, describing their own story with ryan. 

brief summary: cas informs us out the gate that she was NOT underage, but rather in her late 20s during all this. she reached out to him to thank him for his content, to which ryan responded in a flirtatious way. things quickly escalated to full on sexting from there. when ryan asked if cas wanted to meet in person, she initially declined, but continued talking to him sexually after he confessed to having an open marriage (and cas notes that he did not say this until after she stated that she was in an open relationship herself). cas shared a story regarding a sexual trauma she had with ryan, which he seemed to empathize with.

once they began talking about dom/sub stuff, ryan got more aggressive in tone, and often brought up things like extreme roughness and choking. if cas asked ryan to stop bringing up things that were traumatic, he would apologize but continue to do so anyway. cas became uncomfortable and decided to forgo all sexual conversations with ryan; if he brought up something suggestive, she would either make an excuse to go or change the subject. he tried to guilt trip her into talking to him, but she did not budge, and eventually had to delete all rt-related accounts to put distance between him and herself. she closes with a message of positivity for others in the same situation.

ANON-2:

around 10 pm, this post is made on r/roosterteeth containing this document. although it is also about ryan, a sizable portion of the doc focuses on the anon’s experience with geoff. (i will be calling them anon-2 just for the sake of intelligiblity. i cant link pictures, so please check the doc for those.) 

brief summary: anon-2 was in their early-mid 20s (in mid 2016) when they discovered rt, and decided to send a snap to all of the cast members who had open snap accounts. ryan replied and, although things started out normal, they quickly became suggestive. at the same time, though, geoff also began talking to anon-2 and things also became flirty with them. they did exchange nudes and sext quite often while geoff was still married, but says they never slept with geoff themselves, although they knew others who did.  

anon-2 ended up hooking up with ryan in person, and as with the other girls, he lied about not sleeping with anyone else, and insisted on not using a condom. they had sex multiple times that weekend, and anon-2 confirms that, like the other girls claimed, ryan was incredibly rough and violent with sex. anon-2 then proceeds to share many screenshots and unseen pictures of ryan, and in addition, provides messages from as recently as october 10th, where she goads him into talking about what all happened. ryan confirms he has spoken to a pr agent and a lawyer, and then makes a very weird non-joke about possibly needing an “anchor marriage” to get out of the country, implying he would ask anon-2 to do this for him. anon-2 finishes the main part of the doc by saying she knows ryan has been seeking out sex from craigslist, and that she was just a part of his grand manipulation scheme all along.

WEEK 3, DAY 1 (october 18th):

barely after midnight, we get yet another r/roosterteeth anon, posting a document detailing their relationship with ryan. much like the others, we can see that ryan followed the same pattern of flattery and kindness, getting them to talk about their mental health issues, goading them into doing things they were not comfortable with, and eventually dropping them when he realized he could not manipulate them like the others. not much else to say about it, but i wanted to catalogue it all the same.

ANON-2 PT. 2:

an update is added to anon-2′s google doc, at the end of page 13, addressing the geoff side of their post. they post candids of geoff in a hotel room, sent to them by a friend who’d slept with geoff. they add a third update later the same day, insisting that, like the girls, geoff had no clue that ryan was a sexual predator. anon-2 goes on to add that geoff never mentioned anything about his wife knowing about his sleeping around, but states that they will not be sharing more information unless given permission to do so from the girls affected. lastly, she begs people to stop hassling millie, geoff’s underage daughter. 

GEOFF’S STATEMENT:

not long after anon-2′s update, geoff releases this statement on r/roosterteeth. he basically lays everything out, saying that he did indeed sext with and have sex with some fans during a period in his marriage where they were trying an open relationship, but that he felt uncomfortable with the imbalance due to the fans knowing so much about him and he so little about them. he goes onto say that he has taken a step back from rt due to extreme stress and mental health issues, and that he has not spoken about the ryan situation due to how overwhelming and upsetting it is. he closes by asking that people not drag his daughter and ex-wife into things, and leave all blame for him.

i am extremely mixed on this; on the one hand, geoff is an extremely skilled writer and speaker, and that is very clear in this document. he makes a point to share - almost to the point of oversharing - the situation between him and his then-wife to explain why he was associating with fans, and then moves past that to discuss his tumultuous personal life. however, he does not address the question of any age differences between him and these fans, and just refers to it as “two consenting adults ... getting to know each other.” 

although this all seems well and good, one huge spanner was thrown into geoff’s story here; this tweet from michelle vologs, which states that ryan explicitly told her that geoff was engaging sexually with fans, and possibly knew some of ryan’s stories himself. notice that the anonymous replier, who is concurring with what michelle said, is the same anonymous twitter account who contacted ryan and adam on september 18th about their nudes leak - several WEEKS before the news dropped publicly. 

although originally i was willing to believe what geoff had to say, as there was little conflicting evidence, michelle’s statement gives me extreme pause. if geoff was sleeping with enough fans that ryan knew about it, the chances of ryan not having mentioned his own experiences is very low - and on top of that, ryan has little to no reason to lie about this, as telling the truth would have actually been detrimental to his career, on the off-chance someone blabbed and it made its way back to geoff. so i am highly skeptical of the whole document.

WEEKS 3-11 (october 19th to january 2nd):

complete radio silence from ryan and adam both for a little under three months. as ryan was stated to have hired a pr agent and/or a lawyer amidst the initial scandal, its pretty easy to surmise that he was advised to just shut up and let things die down, and therefore did so. adam had gone quiet for a much longer time, so it was assumed he would not speak out again. however, people still felt that ryan was likely to try and make a comeback eventually. and, well...

WEEK 11, DAY 1 (january 3rd):

freckles, one of ryans former mods, posts this tweet containing this statement from ryan to his remaining subscribers, thanking them for sticking around and vaguely addressing “what a tough year its been” for him. unsurprisingly, this is met with IMMEDIATE retribution, as the message served as a reminder that a) many people forgot to unsubscribe and unfollow in the initial situation, and b) that ryan was still getting paid by twitch the entire time he was being ousted. this, of course, led to calls for ryan to be banned from twitch completely, given that it was his main vehicle for finding and grooming his victims.

it is unknown why he decided to do this, as it is transparently very stupid, but i think the entire series of events has made it quite clear that ryan is not only unintelligent, but EXTREMELY entitled - ryan couldnt last even a week into the new year before trying to lay the groundwork to return to his career, whereas adam managed to go quiet much earlier and remain that way for a much longer time, to let things cool off more significantly.

WEEK 11, DAY 6 (january 8th):

early in the morning, the owner of kiwifarms, null, posts a thread stating that adam kovic has reached out demanding the removal of his and jess kovic’s nude photos and videos. (reminder that i will not be linking to any threads on kf directly - you will have to seek those out for yourself.) 

recall that, in the initial days of the scandal, the vast majority of the attention was on adam instead of ryan - and that was because of the sheer magnitude of his leaked photos, as well as the question of his wifes consent to their distribution (as most of the pictures/videos of her were taken from behind; with the benefit of hindsight, we can say fairly safely that she probably did not consent to the distribution, and possibly not their being taken either). 

im not exactly sure on the legality of the situation, as null did not leak the photos himself but is allowing them to be hosted on his website, and adam himself would likely be found guilty of revenge porn due to him having been the one to send pictures of his wife without her permission in the first place. as for the pictures of adam himself, i would assume that null is somehow protected from prosecution or else i believe he would have already taken them down. the morality of leaving them up is EXTREMELY questionable, and i would say it probably is tipping over the line into morally wrong, but morality holds very little sway legally and so adam may not actually have any recourse here.

WEEK 13, DAY 4 (january 20th)

in the afternoon, its confirmed by twitter account @streamerbans that ryan haywood has been permabanned from twitch, and has lost his partnership with the website as well. this is obviously SUPER fucking late, as the crux of the scandal happened months ago (in october), but better late than never, i suppose.

his ban seems to be a natural consequence of two things: the obvious catalyst is his VERY bold message to his subscriber, but beyond that, twitch has also updated their rules and codes of conduct to address their handling of sexual harassment on their platform, from fans and streamers alike, and ryans actions fall very clearly over the line of acceptability. while its unknown whether ryans actions have anything to do with the drafting of some of the new rules - the rule against “attempting to coerce others into sexual favors via bribes” specifically seems VERY pointed at him - it is likely that twitch was already drafting these rules before the situation occurred, and ryans doings simply expedited their being put into effect.

in any case, the only sad part of this is how long it took; ryan was getting free money off of his fans who hadnt or couldnt unsubscribe for three months before this ban and the loss of his partnership were put into effect, which is very upsetting, but there isnt much that can be done about it now.

(JAN 30 EDIT: as you can tell, the situation has severely petered out from where it began; originally there were new updates and more information on a daily, almost hourly basis, and so it was necessary to break the story up day by day to get everything. since that is no longer the case, i will not be filling in any gaps between time periods; if something else happens two weeks from now, i will not try to fill in the two week silence, and will just skip to the next big event. apologies if this makes timelines confusing, but ive added weeks AND days to each event to make them easier to follow, so hopefully that helps.

any further updates to this post will go here, to keep the timeline together. everything below this line is optional reading, but i do highly recommend it, as it provides a lot of background context.)

-----

MISCELLANEOUS INFO

this is just a section for anything i think is contextually relevant that doesnt really fit anywhere else, or stuff that is not confirmed but highly suspicious. most of this will provide elucidating background for everything that went down, but none of it is necessary to read. 

LOOKING BACK AT RYAN’S CONTENT:

because of how blindsiding these events have been, people began questioning if there were any tells that we as viewers missed over the years, and began going through old videos and other content to find anything of interest. ill link any relevant videos here with a brief summary of why theyre noteworthy:

- this video features ryan encouraging fans to do “whatever [they] need to get [themselves] to finish” (in reference to masturbating), and when trevor states that “there are laws that constrain us,” ryan says that “as long as you do it [in your head], it’s fine.” here he is clearly justifying his own actions to himself.

- this clip of ryan singing “black or white” by michael jackson, but he changes the lyrics to, “thing about my baby, it dont matter if youre black or white - or 12, or 9, or 8.” yeah.... i dont really need to say much else about that i dont think

- this post about ryan’s cover letter from his initial application to rt. the comment about “that sexy, deep voice that ladies love” wouldve been gross even without context, but with it, it appears that playing casanova with fans may have been his intent from the beginning.

- another video in which ryan “misses his flight because of uber.” he states that he missed his flight because the uber driver who was supposed to arrive didnt want to come and asked him to cancel the drive, forcing him to wait for another driver to be available. while they dont say explicitly, i am fairly certain hes talking about returning from pax west in seattle, which took place in early september - around the time that many of these stories (like tessa’s and michelle’s) take place. more likely than not, he fully lied about this story and was actually late because he was hooking up with a fan.

WHY 2017?:

if you’re paying attention to dates, you may notice that almost all of these events transpired - or began - in 2017. there are a few theories as to why, but ultimately i think the answer is quite simple; 2017 is when ryan made an instagram account, and is likely when he had the most direct access to fans. as was noted, he has had twitter for years and his snapchat was created probably a year or two before, and yet there are little to no stories taking place before 2017. most likely, his making an instagram account saw an influx of messages from fans, primarily teenage girls - a huge demographic on insta - and gave him a platform to begin the grooming process without anyone suspecting him.

CONJECTURE PT. 1: THE MEGGENING:

people began to speculate if ryan and meg are/were having an affair, as they spent quite a bit of time together for work, went on a trip to japan alone together, and have been the center of many a “joke” regarding their relationship, to the point of it sincerely bothering gavin (meg’s boyfriend). there are several clips of the achievement hunter guys making jokes about ryan and meg sleeping together behind gavin’s back, but heres one clip of them doing so with gavin in the room. notice his genuinely uncomfortable reaction.

initially i was ready to write this off as “women evil” conjecture, but honestly after looking into it a bit, i can sincerely see what people are talking about. as i said earlier, i find meg’s statement incredibly suspicious - the fact that she explicitly denies any knowledge of ryan’s doings even though that SHOULD go without saying, and that her message doesnt actually say anything negative about ryan or what he did at all, makes me feel extremely wary of her. 

OCT. 12 EDIT: either yesterday or the day before, meg privated most of the highlights from her japan trip with ryan, but a few of them were luckily archived. here they are, if you’re curious: japan #1, japan #2, japan #3.

CONJECTURE PT. 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

in early february, its discovered that ryan haywoods home is up for sale, and has been for quite a while. (i will not be linking the listing for obvious reasons.) the house had been on the market for 63 days at that time, placing its initial listing date in very early december - that would only be two months after the initial story broke. on top of that, with the inclusion of the amount of time it takes to find a realtor and begin the selling process, the selling of the house was likely initiated in mid-to-late november, if not sooner.

there are multiple potential explanations for the selling of the house, of course - its possible they could no longer afford the upkeep due to ryan losing his highly lucrative job, or its possible that they moved to escape harassment from others. i find both of these fairly implausible for different reasons: the former because ryans wife also has a fairly high-paying job, and unless ryan is a complete dumbass, they certainly have enough money saved up to remain in that house if they wanted to. in addition, i find the latter implausible because its highly unlikely anyone was going to their house directly, as i think ryan would definitely have played the victim publicly over something like that.

the most obvious answer to me, given how quickly the house was put up for sale, is that the two have begun divorce proceedings and thus sold the house. finances as a motivator make no sense to me due to the speed with which the house was put up - its highly unlikely they blew through all of their savings in a month - and if they were staying together as a couple, it wouldnt make sense to vacate their home for no reason. of course, this is complete conjecture (thus the header LMAO), but it is interesting to note as it comes into direct contradiction with ryans claims of going to couples therapy with his wife.

RYAN’S TACTICS:

due to the number of accusations against ryan now, a pretty clear picture is painted of him and how he operates. a few things become clear when you put all of this information together. lets break it down bit by bit.

first: the girls. as i mentioned before, michelle notes in her video that ryan seemed to target young girls who were either insecure about themselves/their bodies, or had mental health issues. that pattern does seem to hold up, as all seven of the major accusers (tessa, michelle, leigh, kayla, katie, anon, and megashiny) openly discuss dealing with one or both of these issues in their respective stories. it’s almost undeniable that ryan pursued these types of girls on purpose in order to manipulate them more easily, as well as to have plausible deniability when confronted about them - a phrase which multiple girls have used in reference to him.

second: the method. ryan seems to have consistently used the exact same method of manipulating each of the girls. it goes pretty much like this:

- in early conversations, he is sweet and invested in the girl. once they are a bit more comfortable, he begins to “flirt,” making sexual comments and “jokes” to slowly but surely convince them to sext and exchange nudes with him.

- at the same time, he is sure to tell everyone he knows (mods and the like) about how “crazy” his girl of the week is, guaranteeing that she will not be believed should she try to tell someone what is going on between them

- once the conversations turn sexual, his demeanor changes completely, and he starts to become distant. conversations with him become infrequent to make the girl feel miserable when he is away and over the moon when he decides to talk to her, thus maintaining the constant star-struck feeling and ensuring that she is always just a bit more eager to do what he asks in order to keep him around

- he makes sure to litter conversations with comments about how much he loves his wife and kids, thus ensuring that the girl feels too guilty to let anyone know whats going on at the risk of damaging his relationship with his family

- once he has the girls backed into this corner, he begins reaching out only to talk about sex and to schedule in-person hook ups, and will not talk to the girls otherwise. this goes on over and over until he gets bored or the girl cuts contact with him.

he is consistent with this “defaming, denial, degrading” method, as we can see every single girl make reference to him treating them in the same way. from this, we can conclude one thing - he has a system. he has done this before, and he knows it works. even the girl with the most different experience, katie, was clearly being groomed and sexually coerced with the promise of payment, but when she did not budge ryan switched over to straight up financial manipulation, forcing her to take the money - and therefore making her financially beholden to him - and threatening her with cut contact should she not accept.

ryan also tried to isolate katie from her best friend, kayla, in an effort to prevent her from noticing that he was manipulating and grooming kayla for sex as well, and given that kayla was bullied so thoroughly in HIS community that he was one of the only people she felt safe around, it’s no wonder why he refused to deal with the situation when trick brought it up to him. these are straight up abuser tactics, and while i hesitate to throw that word around, it is clear that ryan is a dangerous, emotionally manipulative sexual predator, who specifically targeted young girls with little to no experience with sex and relationships. he is disgusting, and cruel, and i pray that he experiences the pain he inflicted on these girls ten times over.

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Witcher of the Night (Chapter 23.2)

CHAPTER 23.1

WOTN MASTERLIST

Summary: Higher Vampires are known to be incredibly intelligent. Whence, Tybalt of Toussaint may also possess some humanly emotions just like how mortals do.

Warnings: Blood. Gore. Gory. I think I haven't been too descriptive in this part? I don't wanna say any more in the summary. I don't wanna spoil anything. The usual blasphemy.

Words: 3.2k (short, I know. Heh. Should've been included in the last chapter but I didn't. I think this deserves to have an own chapter.) Short but would give such emotions. I hope. 😉

A/N: Ugh. I thought school has been postponed in my country. It should've been postponed. I have no money and I'm terribly not in the mood everyday to even do anything---what about studying then? Updates will be slower because of the anxiety I'm having. Your words help the anxiety lessen a few whenever you comment for WOTN. Heehee! Mwah!

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE! Sorry for the grammatical errors and such because English isn’t my mother tongue! PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK AFTER READING, BB! I apologize for errors!

Disclaimer: PNG's and pictures used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. (All taken from Tumblr so credits to the rightful owners of the gifs) However, the edits and this fanfic is definitely from moi. Character development and personalities are based from my understanding and how I want them to be. This has no connection towards the books, games or show. First line was taken from a Geralt quote. (Here in Tumblr) I don't know if it was from the show because I hardly remember lines or scripts. (I'm forgetful as heck) LMAO. But, I can hear him saying it inside my head rn.

MY WORKS ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have for writing aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

"I run into dilemmas all the time. Situations where it's hard to judge, hard to know what's right, make a decision. This is not one of them. You both disgust me and deserve to die,"

"What---what the bloody fuck, Witcha'?!"

"I didn't peg you to be an adopted vampire who suckles on that hag's slandering, inimical greed for power. You're intelligent. But, you use it for foolish purposes,"

"Feckin' heck! Yer' attacking me now? Want to pick up a battle in the middle of feckin' Bethleheigm's forest?!"

"Tybalt of Toussaint. You and your cunning sorceress wasted my time all along,"

Geralt of Rivia snarled through gritted teeth, the vampire grounded to a tree where the witcher has him pinned with a tough hand on his shoulder, while the other held a blade pointed to his heart, "---have been blood-guilty since the prince has even been born,"

He was certainly led on by their wiles. The sorceress and the higher vampire. Geralt was sure that the queen had no idea as to what they've done; as to what Ingrith has done. From the curse of Makeda's son up until the point where she has been the king's mistress. Though, the witcher knew he was done for all their bullshit that has been put up. All his energy wasted for a devil's snare that he obviously has been caged in.

He should've listened to you instead when you have tried shushing him in the middle of his impulsive decision making with the king. The white wolf trusted more of his knowledge rather than the instincts that his guts have been telling him.

Geralt should've trusted his midget more than himself. Most of the time, his decisions were always the worst if we could talk about what happened in the past.

"I wasn't taken in that time yet, Witcha'! The feckin' sorceress didn't take me before the prince has even been born!"

Tybalt struggled against his hold, fighting off Geralt's strength and trying to shrug his hand away. He could simply wave him in hand to hand combat, their strengths matching with one another. Perhaps, the Higher Vampire was stronger than the witcher. Yet, Geralt's anger was rather compelling versus Tybalt's sudden cedes, "---Guess, the truth always and will be set free no matter how we---!"

The latter heard the blade of his silver sword ripping his fabric apart due to being constraint physically. Geralt growled beneath his chest, vibrating through his armor that startled Rohesia who sat on a piece of log.

As Geralt convinced the old woman to come with, they've left her home. Notwithstanding his newly found strength of convincing or better yet, begging that he somehow catches himself trapped in. He sounded pitiful to be begging from a mortal to save his own human. The witcher couldn't imagine nor see himself to be in his own shoes right at that moment.

They've went on with their journey going back to Kaedwen. Tybalt looking oh-so-dumbfounded to see the woman who he talked to years ago about Geralt's existence---how they wanted this specific witcher to lure them in for another shitful death. Vesemir's prior visits never being mentioned to the vampire because she knows how they were trying to remove them in the continent one by one with their unreasonable rationales.

The white wolf was quiet, utterly speechless when he'd seen the vampire. His teeth tightly gritted together behind close mouth. Jaw set to bark deep profanities as to how he has been foolish not to point fingers at them from the start.

Hence, which is why; in the middle of hunting for a deer, Geralt had wildly attacked Tybalt. Face being punched from the witcher's fist and having no time to draw his sword from his back. The latter stumbled from his attack, but eventually recovered in an inhumane amount of time---at least, a second of using his agility to fight back. His vampire claws itching to grow but he was trying not to use them for what guilt was setting him reluctant over a battle with the witcher.

Tybalt needed the blood that Geralt spat on the ground when he'd given him a strong punch to the face. Their brawl being a release of their own frustrations over each other until the higher vampire began to try and use his invisibility with Geralt that made the witcher huff and growl, making him draw his sword out of his back as Tybalt stood on top of a tree branch, invisible and owning no shadow.

The witcher felt where he was hiding and had to use Igni to push him back. Fire slightly burning the side of his bearded face that instantly regenerated in a few minutes. Geralt's vexation for him even becoming more insufferable when the higher vampire hauled him over to the ground, pinning him down. But, the white wolf's anger was determined to come back to the castle with his cut-off head in his hand.

Resulting onto their current position against a tree with hearts blaring for rage, the witcher's resentment over your heart being kept at a trembling bay for whatever was giving you more and more questions about him.

"This was an endless hunt---Midget was right." he grumbled and barked, sending a nasty scowl.

"She knew?" Tybalt spat with a sardonic laugh, "---I thought it was er' affection that ye' didn't trust---I didn't thought ye' actually don't trust er' at all."

Geralt's conscience tingled with the need to have a battle with him until he was contented. He pushed him further against the wood, his amber glazing with a major amount of fury. Red as people can describe for his fueled wrath for anyone in his way.

Tybalt wasn't fighting back as he could read him through his eyes, indignation filled within them that made him emit a shaky cackle because of how he explained to Ingrith that their horrid truth will eventually be set free in the future. The unlucky fate they had was that Geralt has happened to know it rather than another mortal that they could murder just like the previous ones who Rohesia has spilled the beans over the issue.

But, this was Geralt. Gwynbleidd. The infamous butcher. If he would tell Tybalt how he didn't have feelings, then it was all just a damn lie because he was being controlled over his own spleen.

Tybalt of Toussaint was a cuckoo for even trying to rattle his cage. Geralt's teeth untamely barred as time was being spent with him. His hostility skyrocketing after knowing how he has been fooled.

"Heard the visions inside yer' head when ye' were talking in your sleep, Butcher." a heavy beat of silence, "---Ye' believe she'll eventually leave because it might be the destiny for a lass who lived in another world. Yer' fearful that she'll die in your hands. Scared that she'll leave ye' behind and grow old earlier than ye' do because she ain't no mutant like ye. The fight ye' had with er' was quite entertaining to be honest. Too childish to think that yer' still feckin' that sorceress ye' had. No questions asked. I must prefer to choose the unchaste one if ye' ask me---no wonder you want the woman who makes my palates tingle. She's fresh, young and smells bloody good! Sure enough, she's no vestal as she may seem anymore because I know ye' fucked that woman---oh, fuck ye' bloody mutant!"

Tybalt hasn't finished his sentence about diminishing his old flame and current one. The witcher didn't hesitate but give him a strong jab to his jaw, making Tybalt spit his own blood on the ground with a hearty laugh, earning a grimace from Geralt himself. His jaw tensing and clenching tighter than ever from hearing such things.

The higher vampire grinned like a Cheshire cat, teeth painted in crimson red from how the witcher has made him bust his lip from being punched in the face. He could avoid them if he wanted to, but he felt like his assaults and madness were well deserved for what they both have caused to his family, especially to you. It was about time Geralt would seethe into his own pique. The witcher should've done it since then---but, Tybalt has escaped back in the marketplace; escaping his profound wrath.

"Is the mighty witcher's weakness, a mere mortal who knows nothing of you, yer' past and the continent---were ye' even honest to her? told everythin' about yer' nauseating stories?"

Geralt growled another, his words vibing a snappy snarl as he grumbled so deeply, "Fuck. You went deep inside my head." he held onto his sword's hilt tighter, penetrating the sharp blade onto Tybalt's skin, blood seeping through his clothing which has ignited a deep groan and whimper from the latter.

"---Vampires. I loathe your kind."

The white wolf was about to deepen his blade against his chest, Tybalt's punctured wound oozing of claret blood. Geralt's actions making the old woman gasp from where she sat afar, seeing that they weren't having their little playtime anymore as it was all serious. Blood and wounds involving his interrogation over the Upir.

"Stop...Stop yer' horses," Tybalt whimpered, not knowing whether to laugh or revel in the pain as to how it felt to be stabbed on his chest. This was like an imbecile move for him; to accept such blade for the guilt he was feeling over his actions towards you---a mortal who had no idea what was happening in the first place.

Maybe, there was still a teeny-tiny amount of contrition left inside of him. The baby growing inside being the cause of his sudden compunction and change of events because of what the sorceress in the castle's next move would be and his sincerity would be the least that Ingrith wanted nor hoped to see.

His next words would cause him his life and what will be outside of the castle---for what was waiting for him and of being Ingrith's shadow since the moment he was taken.

Repentance is always achieved when one is left with no choice for his or her sins. Regret and realization for one's mistakes happens in the end. Though, in most cases, people living in malign don't realize it at all.

"It's in the cup! Inside the feckin' cup, alright!" Tybalt sneered and hissed, feeling the blade slowly being pushed further. His candor being answered with dubiety from the latter and a hoarse reply.

"Hmm. What lies must you be playing now. You're distracting me from sticking this blade inside your cold, withering heart, Upir."

The higher vampire held onto his silver blade with his hand, his skin frothing against the sword, palm burning for what Geralt has coated back before they even arrived in Rohesia's hideout. Vampire Oil. He was still dubious about Tybalt despite of being unaware for their clandestine schemes. Geralt never trusted his thirst for sins after all.

Tybalt accepted the pain, letting his skin burn from the blade. More blood seeping out of his fingers from how he tried wretching his sword off his chest. But, with all of Geralt's willpower, he kept the vampire in his place. His shoulder slightly beginning to burn and it took him one look to see Geralt fighting off to use one of his signs. Igni that he was also susceptible with.

"Ve...Venom from a female royal Wyvern, Cockatrice and a mixture of acid from a Bloedzuiger's insides---mixed with a taste that wouldn't let er' know that it is poison she's consuming," he stammered with a whimper, hissing another and growling back when Geralt pushed through the vampire's heart, paying no remorse over stabbing the vital parts of him.

The witcher only answered with silence. A death stare being thrown back, trying to understand what he wanted to say. His brows tightly netted in confusion, dazed and long enough for Tybalt to continue his divulge over Ingrith's secret agendas.

"She...plans to destroy her insides---make her bleed." pause. "---If she's protected by the Djinn where yer' lass could resist Ingrith's magic, then there is no doubt that she could accept the vile that will be passed through her throat. Down...down, through her stomach,"

Her. Was it you? Geralt silently pondered at the thought, the gaze in his eyes faltering and turning livid. Teeth bared for his acrimonious comment said.

"Know when to fuck off with your lies! I'm tired of it!"

Geralt growled, his skepticism made the vampire weakly shake his head for his incredulity, mutely sparing his bleat with a low whimper and growl as he sent daggers over the blade stuck in his chest, "I...I spare my tongue to you when this is all an actual lie,"

The witcher scoffed, knowing that he was making a fool out of himself again and it was making him go on the warpath because he knew that cutting his tongue would be nothing to Tybalt.

"You regenerate. You can't outsmart me this time."

Tybalt's clothing was drenched in his own blood. Fresh cochineal saturating the under tunic concealed before his body armor that the witcher had no problem to prod. The higher vampire breathed deeply through his nose, his eyes mentally telling that he was relinquishing every ploy to achieve the sorceress' goals.

"Behead me then with yer' silver sword, Weccan. Cut all me' limbs and feed me to a Selkiemore. But, yer' little woman's drink shall be poisoned in the night of the feast. Three cups of wild fruit juice given to er'---safe for---safe for her as a token of appreciation and another for what she would gladly ask from the king. However, I do not know what cup is poisoned or what not. That's all I can say."

Geralt was snarling before the vampire. His nose scrunched in contempt. The idea slowly coming to his senses. They plan to poison you without a doubt. He needed to come back to his midget as soon as possible. The witcher will be risking your anger that hasn't faded still. Their poison was strong---potent as other mages or wizards may know that even it would take him effects once consumed.

Come what may, rue did not move the witcher's heart. He'd punctured Tybalt's heart, his blade passing through the body of the Upir who minimally spat blood out of his mouth. The silver sword being coated with more blood, splattering the tree behind him, drips of blood painting wood. A gash being given to his most vital organ.

Geralt knew it would take him months or even decades for such bodily destruction. Howbeit, he'd only punctured him in a part that would exhibit a vast amount of pain for his sufferings to yours; for what pain they've given to you was felt from the witcher. He came with you in terms of physical and spiritual---your existence had him coming in two's when it should've been only himself.

Nonetheless, Geralt of Rivia knew in order to survive was to exterminate each and every one who would hurt you because you were the most vulnerable including Cirilla. The witcher would do just that. Give agony to human or any other kind who breaths in the continent until you were safe and sound; to shed blood as he may see with the lesser evil on his side. As he may now try to see that particular side of it with no doubts.

He was not done with Tybalt as he pushed the blade further until the hilt, his heart clouding in blue when Geralt could know that something was happening again back in the castle---the heavyness going back and forth, every hour of the day dropping stones on his chest for what was happening to you.

Tybalt spat more blood once Geralt forcefully yielded his sword away. Crimson liquid filling the ground, his Ivory hair somehow catching onto the gore he has created in the middle of the forest. The higher vampire will be taking decades to recover---lucky if another higher vampire would help him with his regeneration but they both knew that no grudges will be held after because he gladly accepted the pain.

Gwynbleidd has lifted his blade off Tybalt's heart, staring with no remorse and filled with fury. Tybalt was mumbling onto something he couldn't understand. He could only decipher the words 'she' and 'save' over his anger, clouded thoughts before Geralt held tightly onto the handle of his sword, slashing through Tybalt's jugular with determination. Beheading the vampire with his own actions in silence as his amputated body and head fell onto the wet, bloody ground.

He stared, thoroughly emotionless upon his work, thoughtlessly giving heed to the closed eyes of the former living vampire laying lifeless on the dirtground. Geralt grumbled a hum beneath his raging chest, scowling whilst he took a step to pick up Tybalt's head, leaving his body for whatever fate lays for him because the witcher knew he wasn't entirely dead with the slowest beating of heart.

Rohesia was stunned and speechless over watching the scene afar. The witcher's will and determination being sensed from the distance and she knew that this princess he was trying to save was an important person in his dangerous, ill-fate life for the risk he was willing to take---giving her knowledge that Vesemir have been telling the truth in which Geralt of Rivia looked up to him like a father figure and a son that he may never get to have forever.

If you go back to my chapters, you'll know that I had a hint that this would happen to our precious wittle reader. If anybody remembers or had a hint on what chapter, COMMENT! Mwohahaha! RIP to our boi, Tybalt. You shall be missed. Can’t believe this was my first OC whom I killed off in a story. *sobs*

Taglist for WOTN: (Strikethrough means your blog can’t be tagged. Please check your settings) @alyxkbrl​​​ @himarisolace​​​ @barkingbullfrog​​​ @ayamenimthiriel​​​ @hellodevilslittlesister @turkish276​​ @spookypeachx @grungelovebug @fangirl-inthe-us​​​ @nympeth​ @amirahiddleston​​​ @gabethelobster​​​ @dreaming-about-fanfictions​​​ @uncoolcloudyhead​​​ @melaninstylezz​​​ @psychosupernaturalhero​​​ @missjenniferb @dance-dreamer​​​​​ @marvelousell​​​​​​ @kingniazx​​​​​​ @angelias134​​​​​​ @tapismyforte​​​​​​ @chook007​​​​​​ @butterpumpkinscotch​​​​ @deadlydemon​​​​​ @cheesecakeisapie​​​​​ @angelofthor​​​​​​ @carrieannewaywardson, @plantingmum, @stuckupstucky​​​​​, @shesthelastjedi​​​​​, @a–1–1–3​​, @gutfucks​​​​​, @raynosaurus-rex​​​​​, @britty443​​​​​, @suhke3​​​​​, @shadowclawstudio88​​​​​, @ruthoakenshield​​​​​, @just-a-sad-donut​​​​​, @gxrdenr0se, @singeramg​​​​​  @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo​​​​, @alexwinchester23​​​​, @naturalthrone22​​​ @supernaturallover2002​​, @tellmesomethinggud​​

Overall witcher taglist: @pizza-eater-i-ate-the-pizza​​​​, @crazybutconfidentaf​​​​​

General taglist for any Henry Cavill fics: @agniavateira​​, @iloveyouyen​​, @rahdaleigh​​, @silverkitten547​​, @henrythickcavill​​, @kaatelyyynn​​, @marvelousell​​, @madelinelina​​, @summersong69​​, @raynosaurus-rex​​, @fckdeusername​​, @evansislife​​  @nothinggoesunpunished​

[lovemesomesurveys]

When was the last time you wanted to wear something but it was still ‘in the wash’ or ‘not yet dried’? I wanted to wear my Baby Yoda/Grogu Christmas sweatshirt on Christmas, but it didn’t end up getting washed.

Any new subjects for the upcoming school year? I’m not in school anymore.

Last time you got a haircut? Back in February of last year. Almost a year ago now.

Have you ever rode Business Class? No.

Paris, Texas or Paris, France? Paris, France, please.

How much time/percentage is left on your laptop battery? It’s at 100% because it’s plugged in.

Do you like to know how things are made? Yeah, a lot of it is interesting.

Care to post the most recent tagged picture of you on Facebook? No.

HAVE YOU WATCHED BRUNO YET!?  I saw the first one. I don’t have any interest in seeing the new one.

Is there any song that’s stuck in your head?  Not at the moment.

What does your school bag look like?  --

Is it anyone’s birthday today? I’m sure it’s a lot of people’s birthday today, but no one I know.

With your guy friends, are you known as a girl or a buddy? I don’t have any friends.

Do you own a foam finger? No.

Where was the last place you dined in with your friends? It’s been a few years since the last time I did that, so I don’t recall. Yes, I actually used to have friends and I actually used to go out. *gasp*

Name all the websites on your bookmark toolbar here! Google, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, and Pinterest. 

Have you actually ever eaten a wedding cake? Yes.

Gotcher back to school outfit yet? Or do you just don’t care? --

Do you get email updates from Urban Dictionary?  No.

Do you think some babies are ugly? Aw, that’s mean.

Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? Aw, those were fun times as a kid.

Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC?  I don’t know. 

Do you love stuff crusted pizza? I don’t eat the crusts, so.

Is Lil Wayne all that he’s cracked up to be? I like some his features and songs.

Who are you usually attracted to in bands, the singer, the guitarist, bassist, or drummer? I wasn’t attracted to many band guys, honestly. 

Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No. I should.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, mint green, coral, and yellow.

Who did you have your most amazing kiss with?  Joseph.

Have you ever hugged a stranger?  No.

What’s a random act of kindness you have done to help a stranger? I’ve given money to homeless people.

Has a Youtube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Ha, no. What’s a fear you’ve conquered? Hmm. I don’t know.

Have you ever hugged someone for over a minute? Yeah.

Have you ever received a homemade card from someone?  Yes.

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? No.

Do you like Robert Frost poems?  I only know one.

Do you go to church every Sunday?  Yes. I attend via livestream. 

Ever had a drunken night in Mexico or Las Vegas? Nope.

Have you ever been to Arkansas?  No.

Where would you go on a road trip with your best friend? There’s so many places I’d love to travel to.

Do you know anyone with Harry Potter glasses?  Growing up I had the round frames.

Longest you’ve ever stayed on the phone? Houuuurs. I used to talk to my best friends in elementary and middle school on the phone for-fucking-EVER. I’m not sure of the longest bit of time though. <<< Haha, I actually used to do that, too, which is so shocking because I hate talking on the phone now. I kinda did that in high school the first two years a few times, but after that something switched and I never wanted to talk on the phone. It became just text me or message me online.

Have you ever been in a relationship on and off for more than a year?  Joseph and I, whatever it was we had going on, was off and on for a few years. We never were officially together, but we had something going on and it would seem it was going in that direction but then nope.

What about just for a year straight?  Like I said, it went on for 3 years.

Do gangs scare you?  I mean, yeah...

Have you met a best friend on a cruise before?  I’ve never been on a cruise.

How many high schools are in your city/town?  Like 4.

If offered, would you want to go to fashion week in Paris? Can I just have the trip to Paris?

If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Writing. 

What are your thoughts on fake reality television? I’m a sucker for reality TV. *shrug*

Would you want to own your own island? Nah. I’m good with my Animal Crossing Island lol. <<< Ha, same.

Who killed John Bennet Ramsey?  Her brother is kinda sus. I could see it being a situation where the family covered up for him because he was just a child. Or, perhaps one of the parents. Again, it being an accidental situation and they just covered it up.

What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? I don’t think about it. 

Do you even like politics? I don’t like it, but I try to follow it at least somewhat because it is important and affects all of us. It’s stressful and overwhelming and confusing, though, so I don’t follow it as closely as maybe I should.

Have you ever seen a guy wearing hoop or dangling earrings? Yeah.

What’s it like at raves? I’ve never been. I’ve never had any desire to go to one.

Do you do a nice Scottish accent?  I can’t do any accents.

Do you think that all people in England have really bad teeth?  No? That’s an awful stereotype.

What is your state nickname (The Golden State, The Cheese State, etc)? The Golden State.

Would you rather lose your best friend or your boyfriend? I’d rather not lose anyone in my life, thanks.

Do you think people who pay hundreds of dollars on perfume are ridiculous? Spend your money on what you want, but I don’t spend that much on perfume. I think it’s crazy how expensive they can be. 

What is the last thing you tried on in a store? A jacket. That’s the only thing I ever try on because I can easily just put it on real quick right there and it doesn’t require much. I never try on clothes or anything otherwise. 

Do you know who Georgia Nicholson is?  Nope.

Do you ever sleep through your alarm? It happens. Thankfully, it hasn’t happened for anything important in a long time, but I sometimes set alarms when I don’t want to sleep in too late or I want to try and get up by a certain time for whatever reason and oftentimes I just end up hitting snooze or turning it off.

What is the dominant color in the room you’re in?  There’s a lot of colors going on.

Do you think Sophia Bush is a good actress? I’ve only seen her in a couple things, I think.

When did you realize you are no longer a child?  I’m not sure if it was one specific moment. 

Is sleeping naked more comfortable then in clothes?  Noo, not for me. I don’t feel comfortable naked.

Does your best friend wear makeup? Yeah.

Who is someone you do not understand at all?  Myself. What is your morning routine? When I get up, I take my medicine and lie around for awhile checking social media and whatnot before finally dragging myself outta bed for coffee. 

Have you already met your true love?  No.

Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone?  Yeah.

Do you prefer to fix the problems or just end the relationship? I would want to try and work on things first. I wouldn’t just end a relationship right away because we had a problem. Now, if we had a lot of problems and nothing was getting resolved or it just wasn’t working out even after trying to work on things, then it would be time to end the relationship. But you’re going to experience problems in a relationship, you can’t expect not to. It’s how you go about them.

Have you ever accidentally stepped on a cat tail?  Not a cat, but a dog. I always feel like the worst person in the world whenever I’ve accidentally done that with their tail or paw. Gahhh. And my doggo (and my previous doggos) acts like she did something wrong and snuggles up next to me and is all lovey and it’s like, ‘nooo, I’m the evil one here you didn’t do anything wrong you precious angel!’

Did they meow really loud? They let out a yelp.

Do you ever go to Plyrics.com?  I’m sure that was one of the sites I used back in the day for lyrics. Nowadays I just quickly Google a song and the lyrics pop right up.

Did you know that when a worm is cut in two both pieces grow again and continue living?  Jlkfjkdfjl ew yes I’ve heard that. That gives me the creeps just thinking about it, thanks for ending on that note....

[ziracona]

THE OFFICIAL DBD STORE SELLS A HUNTRESS (and shirtless david) BODY PILLOW AND IM 👀👀👀👀👀👀👌👌👌👌

Keep ‘em comin’ lads

(Haha. I do gotta say tho Anon, if you want a body pillow for DbD, please consider getting a custom one instead. I think you’d actually like it much better! The rest was meant to be under a cut but tumblr is the dumbest shit site coding wise & I made this on mobile, which will not allow you to add read mores anymore. In past this has been no problem bc I can just save as a draft & edit + post on my laptop or edit the second I post & throw in a read-more but apparently now if you make a post on mobile you can never edit it in desktop again. : ) I love that. So fucking much! But this is going to be long now & I physically cannot fix that bc it also won’t let me swap it to html now it’s posted : ) : ) : ) fuck this site : ) —anyway! On a brighter note, here’s my pitch:

Okay! So to start.

First up. Let’s look at what the devs are offering you.

Here are the official body pillows. Now, these aren’t the worst pictures of Anna and David I’ve ever seen, but they’re not great. David’s in his default queue pose, I got no idea wtf Anna’s doing, and neither of them have interesting, good, or attractive poses, lighting, expressions, or detail. Considering this is decently funded company with multiple artists on staff and full body 3D adjustable rendered models of Anna & David on every computer there, it’s lazy as hell. It’s not even as good art as their official sketches or character renders or promo art. They know how to do the work:

They’re just being lazy.

Okay, though, but you really want a body pillow, so what to do? Well, maybe it’ll be cheap enough you don’t care about the quality too much. So, how much will this cost you? For me to ship to myself in the us with the cheapest shipping option, Anna would cost me $80.

Okay, so. That sucks. But you really want this and what else can you do? There’s nothing else to pick.

OH WAIT. Yes there is! So here’s some actually good news for ya 💪

If you want a custom body pillow, you have two options: 1, buy a custom pillow case and a pillow separately, or 2, buy a custom pillow with the image on the pillow print itself. Now, you can get the second option, but it is exponentially more expensive. I’ve seen maybe 60something-70 as the cheapest option for this, although I didn’t spend a ton of time looking. Still, if you want to go full hog, it’s possible. If you don’t mind a pillowcase/the cheaper option, though, (and many pillow cases are custom to the exact specified pillow size and aren’t really noticeable at all), it’s a good deal. For example: A body pillow can be bought at many stores for about 15 bucks. There is some variance in pricing for size, shape, and material, but here I’d like to add the official DbD site doesn’t even list dimensions for their body pillow, let alone material. So, for me to get what I want if I wanted this, I could buy a $15 pillow at a store, and then a pillowcase from a place that I could get it custom made & delivered, IE price + shipping is $30 from here https://www.etsy.com/listing/653983430/custom-21-x-60-zipper-body-pillowcase?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=custom+body+pillow&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&bes=1

So we’re at about $45 right now. (eBay offers cheaper custom pillowcase options but I didn’t want to try to vet sellers for quality & reliability making this post & this is a good price).

This leaves about $35 to commission an artist for something to put on the pillow case. Now, price for commission varies greatly from artist to artist, and full body is the most expensive base option for a single subject, but there’s definitely people offering really freaking incredible commissions at this price, and sometimes even lower. Even though their art should really be worth more than that. Unfortunately, we artists gotta eat. And a lot of the people who buy commissions are also young adults who gotta eat and don’t have a ton of cash. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So there’s a lot of people who’d be genuinely very happy to be paid for that commission even though it kinda sucks we be there. And if you want to commission someone more expensive, sure you’ll be spending more on the body pillow than DbD officials $80ish. But uh. Would you rather give the same devs who picked the most racist Claudette design they could put into the game for the most recent costume contest $80 for one of these:

Or

Spend $37 for a David of @eggchef ‘s lookin this kinda fine:

https://eggchef.tumblr.com/post/190185302972/david-and-jake-are-both-just-rich-kids-who-said

$40 for a full body Anna of @guud-night ‘s in the style they did this: https://guud-night.tumblr.com/post/185148722468/summer

Or $42 for a full body Anna like this one by @sleazy-art https://sleazy-art.tumblr.com/post/169548091038

or $70 for a full body of @guud-night ‘s in the style of this Anna seen here https://guud-night.tumblr.com/post/165476621798/the-huntress

The fan artists do better work—I mean think of how amazing a pillow could look if your heart cries for one. Vs the low-grade renders the devs be offering. They do so much better it’s like a “Look at your body pillow. Now look at the body pillow the devs told you not to worry about” meme it truly is. TBH, you could screenshot a DbD store screen with Anna or David, edit out the BG in photoshop, and already have a better 3D image than the official offering. 😂 And with an artist? 👌 Mmmmm. Anyway, haha. There was my in-depth pitch to buy from fans instead of official. I was just very motivated to *Robin Williams Genie voice* Illuminate the possibilities! I hope it may have given you inspiration for something even more beautiful than what you thought your heart desired :’-)

[callsignbaphomet]

So I was editing some OC info, mostly birthdays and some minor stuff here and there. I found some sketches of a veeeery old OC that I discarded long ago and I got to thinking about several things. This is gonna sound negative but it really isn't. Trust me.

None of the OCs that were based on real people who impacted me in a positive way resemble those people anymore. Like, for example Jelani was based on C, my boyfriend, but ever since I finished developing Jelani's core aspects as a character, he has ABSOLUTELY NO shared traits or qualities with C. None at all. Both couldn't be anymore different if I tried. There was another character based on my aunt. Same thing. No similarities at freaking all. The OC from the sketch I mentioned was based on someone I trusted like an older brother but he turned out to be one of the worst people I ever met. So I eliminated said OC completely. I didn't recycle his design or name which is a real shame because I do like the name.

I like this change. See for the last, I don't know, 2 or 3 years I've learned to accept that it's okay and for the most part better and healthier to separate myself from people if they no longer feel like they are safe to be around anymore.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with me and C. But I ain't psychic either, I don't know if we'll still be together a year from now or four months from now. Anything can happen no matter how good or bad the relationship is. I do know myself though. Once something leaves a sour taste in my mouth I want nothing to do with it so like I said, for a few years now I've completely detached any similarities that Jelani had to C. In fact, I stopped saying Jelani was based on C long ago.

I say this all the time but the two most important OCs I have are Angelus and Jelani. Angelus for extremely personal reasons that I won't share unless your name is Jack, Nico, Sam or Sleepy. Jelani on the other hand really pushed my boundaries and was a challenge I happily met and tl;dr I fell in absolute love with that OC to the point where he's what I consider my "mascot". His "ID number" is my writing tag. For far too long now, years actually, my Tumblr and every other major site I go to my avatar/icon is always him. Fuck's sake I fashioned a fursona out of his design and his name lol

So if anything were to happen I would probably have a melt down and nuke the character but he's far too important to me so I refuse to let that happen. I never wrote this type of entry stating this but I feel like doing so kind of solidifies it for me. You know, makes it real, official.

[banchoaniki]

Multiples of 4 then ☠

4: Talk show host: Imma be real w you I havent watched a talk show since attack of the show on g4 and that got cancelled years ago 8: Yankee candle scent: Fresh Balsam Fir. Smells like christmas and being cozy. Pine scents in general are god tier 12: Thing to cook: Anything that puts a smile on the face of those who eat it. Or Steak, Mashed Potatoes and Asparagus. Its easy, nutritious, and delicious. (That’d make a good dating profile header) 16: Book: Hard question. I’d have to go with Colorless Tsukuru and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami. 20: Holiday: Thanksgiving! I was born on it, so I have to like it. Other than that, toss up between Halloween and Christmas. 24: Movie: Uhhhhhhh, for live action, its a toss up between A Clockwork Orange and Apocalypse Now. For animated, Mind Game 28: Band: I dont follow a ton of bands, so Death Grips I guess. Its not like I dont listen to other music, but its mostly individual songs as opposed to deep diving into their discography 32: Athlete: I dont follow sports dude. Maybe like Usain Bolt cause he also has a pet tortoise like me.  36: Vehicle: Triump Bonneville T-100 40: Last person I got mad at: Uhh my former friend who’s girlfriend left him for being a piece of shit basically 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: I’m not missing anyone a whole ton rn. Wish we could meet tho jaz! 48: Ever been in love: Of course, its great and terrible 52: My room is: Fairly messy rn but I’ll clean up soon.  56: Favorite web site: Certainly not tumblr dot com. Idk dude probably like youtube cause I spend a lot of time watching videos or listening to podcasts.  60: I lose all respect for people who: Treat their partners like crap 64: My friends are: Great people! Things have been getting better for a lot of people in my circle of friends recently, and they really deserve it! 68: The worst sound in the world: Nails on chalkboard.  72: Today: Pretty ok day. Need to get a few things under control and still need to work out a bit, but studied hard and met up w a classmate to work on a project together! 76: Right now I am talking to: No one in particular, but ive been talking to friends throughout the day 80: The first person i talked to today was: Probably my dad when he woke me up 84: People call me: a lot of things im sure. Depends on who you ask.  88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Connection to where I live. My family’s owned my house for almost 100 years now, living elsewhere lacks that certain je ne sais quoi 92: Got a peircing: Never! maybe in the future tho... 96: Changed a diaper: also never! didn’t have any siblings or a close connected family growing up so I never had to. When I’m a dad, I’m sure I will though 100: Cried in front of someone: Oh jeez, not really sure. Maybe a few months ago, but I can’t recall what for 104: The future: Its filled with infinite possibilities, I just have to work for a future I want. I’m not too worried about stability, but you never know. Always try to have contingency plans for your contingency plans.  108: Designer Clothes: Generally overpriced trash. I’d rather buy from a local artisan that makes clothes specifically for me. Not like I don’t shop for clothes or like looking good, but theres a lot of issues in the fashion industry that I take umbrage with and like to look for alternatives.  112: Facebook: Boomerbook is convenient website that I use on occasion but I find to be fairly toxic, like most social media, so i rarely post on it. I just use the messenger app to talk with friends. 116: Reality TV: Utter trash! There are a billion other ways to spend your time that are more productive and beneficial to yourself and others that getting caught up in some fake drama with celebrities.  120: Gay Marriage: I don’t believe any kind of marriage should be regulated by the government, as its a religious sacrament. If churches want to allow it, that’s their prerogative that I won’t infringe on, but that’s in an ideal world. As it stands, I don’t have any strong feels for or against it, insofar that I think most marriages are fairly toxic.  124: Disney or Six Flags: Didney Worl 128: Manicure or Pedicure: I’ll take both, thanks 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Whomst’d’ve?  136: Hillary or Obama: Both are genuinely terrible people like most, if not all, government officials in Washington.  140: Mac or PC: I built my own PC but iPads do be kinda fresh tho I can see why people who don’t have the same hobbies or interests prefer macs, their visual design blows most PCs out of the water, and they’re functional for work and video editing. They’re obviously overpriced for the performance, but you’re buying it for the label and the well designed UI (generally, theres obviously some UI designs that are/were less than great by apple) 144: Oranges or Apples: While I like oranges, I FUCKING LOVE apples. So yeah, apples, particularly Fuji apples.  148: Summer or winter: Winter. I live in Los Angeles. Our winters are mild and maybe drizzley. Our summers are hellish. Easy choice. 152: Phone or Online: Uh I mean I like talking on the phone but texting or instant messaging is super convenient and, really, a very different form of communication that I engage in more.  156: Orbs: Do i believe in orbs? What kind of orbs? idk dude this is very nondescript and im too lazy to research this. Orbs as a geometric object do exist yes. Jury is still out on whatever the fuck this is asking tho 160: Soul mates: A distinct possibility that I’d love to be true 164: Heaven: I’m catholic, pretty sure I have to believe in it.  168: Luck: Yeah, I believe in it, but I also believe we make our own luck most times. 172: Are you taller than your mom? yeah shes like 5′2  176: Last YouTube video watched: Sure hope you like smooth japanese jazz fusion  https://youtu.be/6GEI3PpXEAo 180: Marriage is: A great responsibility I hope to be ready for one day. It can be incredible and life-affirming or it can be soul crushing if you rush into things or just have a bad partner. I don’t mean to be cynical, I genuinely believe its a beautiful thing, but so many marriages today end up horribly, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid of it at the same time.  184: Xbox or ps3: Whichever game console can give me a better user experience with better games and services. Right now that’s playstation, but I sincerely hope microsoft steps up to the plate next gen.  188: My bed is: A queen. Kinda messy rn.  192: I am allergic to: Nothing in particular 196: My eye color is: Green! I’m actually pretty proud of them, its the rarest eye color in the world, so its part of what makes me who I am.  200: My crush’s name is:  Jaz (no homo)  But also I’m not single so I don’t necessarily have any rn

PS: I sincerely apologize for this wall of text y’all