#tumblr getting an early drop because i have to put my desktop away

[slippinmickeys]

The Unseelie Court 7/16

Scully was throwing her things into her suitcase, not even bothering to fold them, when Mulder came breezing through his motel door. 

“Hey,” he said, smiling when he saw her through the connecting passway. “You’re not going to believe what happened to me.”

She whirled around and his smile quickly faded. 

“What’s wrong?” he said. 

“What’s wrong?” she repeated, anger radiating off of her in waves. “You disappeared for the entire day and I couldn’t reach you, and then I got a phone call from the Assistant Director reaming me out for going out into the field without his approval. Where the hell have you been, Mulder?” 

Mulder shot his wrist out of his cuff to look at his watch and held his phone up in his other hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said, somewhat taken aback by her anger. “I didn’t notice the time, my watch has been working on and off since yesterday and my phone died. I called the morgue from a payphone, but your grumpy diener said you were long gone. Did you even do the autopsy?”

Scully rocked back on her heels. In the corner of the room, the air conditioning unit clicked on and a fusty, cool lug of air wafted across the skin of Mulder’s face and neck.

“It’s five pm, Mulder,” she said. “I finished the autopsy more than four hours ago.”

“It’s…what?”

“It’s five o’clock in the evening.”

Mulder reached up and ran his hand over his chin, as if gauging the time by the beard growth on his face.

“No wonder Skinner is upset, I haven’t had a chance to call him back yet…wait, did you say ‘without his approval?’ He signed off on this assignment yesterday morning.”

“Well, he doesn’t seem to remember that,” Scully snapped. 

“It’s happening again,” Mulder said quietly.

Scully sighed unhappily and turned back to her suitcase. She could feel Mulder come up behind her and put his hand gently on her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I worried you,” he said softly. 

She turned and brushed past him, throwing something on top of her bed, which was still crisply made.

“Charge your phone,” she said. He glanced at the bed. She’d thrown her own phone’s charging cable onto it, which bounced once on the tight drum of mauve polyester. 

He ignored it and followed her into the bathroom. “I’d like to hear about the autopsy,” he said. 

Scully had been gathering up her toiletries and she pushed past him and dumped them into her open suitcase, zipping it up angrily. 

“Nothing,” she said. “The autopsy showed nothing. We have nothing.”

She finally turned back to him. She didn’t know why she was so angry. Worry and fear, she guessed. But she didn’t need to worry about Mulder anymore, standing there as he was, whole and true. And her fear from earlier in the afternoon had dissipated, at least a little. Still, the day had left her agitated.

Mulder watched her as she stood there battling with her own feelings. She was backlit by the bedside lamp, her hair a soft copper glow around her head. She had taken off her coat and jacket and was wearing a white silk blouse, sheer enough that he could see the curve of her body underneath it. A flare of wanting rippled through him that he forced himself to tamp down. 

“The body didn’t show anything?” he asked gently. 

“I’m still waiting on toxicology. But from what the body told me…there is no cause of death,” she said, letting some of her anger go. “Where have you been, Mulder?”

“The crime scene,” he said, shrugging off his jacket. “The beach.”

“You mean…”

“I went into the grove. I lost time again,” he said. “And this time it wanted me out.”

Scully cocked her head curiously and he briefly explained what had happened in the copse from which Daly Carmichael had walked. 

She stood there for a moment, quietly processing. Then she looked up at him. 

“I found one, too,” she said. 

***

Mulder followed his partner through the gate at the Carmichael estate, trotting to catch up with her.

“You should have told me to wear my running shoes,” he joked. The pavement under their feet was fissured and potholed, weeds growing up through the cracks.

“I told Skinner we’d be back in the office first thing tomorrow morning, Mulder. We’re being pulled off this case. Is there a point in continuing to investigate it?”

”Scully, what we’re dealing with here… this is an X-File. Aren’t you even a little bit curious?”

”I’m here, aren’t I?” she answered, continuing to walk along at a clip. 

They bypassed the house altogether and walked directly into the backyard. The sun was setting and the light was low, necessitating the use of flashlights. Scully marched past the fountain and cast the beam of her flashlight over the area where she and Avery had found the dark opening only a few hours before. There was nothing but brush and overgrown rhododendron, creeping vine. 

“It was right here,” she said, walking closer to where it had been that afternoon. “There was a sound coming from it. And the magnet you gave me, it…”

”It what?” Mulder asked, still shining his light hopefully around. 

“It started to vibrate,” she said. “When we got close to the opening.”

”Really?” Mulder said, looking pleased.

“Yes, really.” Quite the opposite. 

“So you came out here with Avery?”

”I did,” she said, wondering where he was going with this. 

“Did he see it, too?” 

“The magnet thing? No. Skinner called, I got yelled at for thirty seconds, he pulled us off the investigation and Avery brought me back to the motel. He was a little green around the gills at that point anyway.”

”I meant the grove, or whatever we want to call it.”

”Oh. Well, yes. He did see the grove. Heard it, too.”

”That’s promising,” Mulder said. “Though it’s gone now. More's the pity. Did you find anything else? Anything inside the house?”

Mulder gave the tree line one more swipe with the beam of his flashlight and then turned reluctantly back the way they’d come. 

“Furniture from the turn of the century. Cigarettes and beer cans,” she said. “And a few other weird things.”

“Weird things?”

“Tchotchkes, a half-drunk bottle of mead.” 

Mulder paused, mid-stride. “Mead?” He said. 

Scully nodded, pointed to one of the windows.

“On the window sill.”

“Show me,” Mulder said, and followed her into the house. 

“Here,” she said, when they got to the back room with the intact window. 

Mulder bent down and shined his light on the items sitting on the sill. 

“These are fairy offerings,” he said. “Sea shells, bread and mead.”

“Teeth?”

“Those too. Children’s teeth,” he clarified. “Naturally lost.”

At his feet was a green beech leaf which he picked up, twirling it in his fingers.

“What is the offering meant to do?”

“Appease them,” Mulder said, rising to stand and dropping the leaf back to the floor. “Acknowledge and placate them. Keep them from turning their eye on you.”

Scully nodded, contemplating the items on the window sill. Was the level of the mead lower? she wondered. There were five shells and three teeth. Had there been more?

“Do you think we should head back to the beach?” she asked. “See if that…fairy grove is still there?”

“Oh,” said Mulder, turning to look around the room. “It’s gone. It disappeared the moment I stepped outside of it.”

[jiminrings]

insufferable

pairing: jimin x y/n

glimpse: rich kid!jimin is a cuddly spoiled brat, personal assistant!y/n is his constant in everything, bodyguard!jungkook keeps making pLAUSIBLE excuses to wear dark clothes, and chef!jin’s dishes are as heavenly as his looks but nO he’s not gonna make u homemade cookie dough at 2 in the morning just bECAUSE u asked nicely :((( he’s gonna do it at 4 am bc you pouted

wordcount: 31k so if u have difficulty with this fic then pls open it in ur desktop or open it in tumblr safari/browser instead of the app :D

notes: this piece is a favorite of mine!! this consumed nine pages in my notebook when i was just getting started to write the fLOW and this whole thing is the longest i’ve ever written // and aLSO the gif isn’t mine!! :D

(*･ω･)ﾉ

if there’s one thing that jimin hates

absolutely hates

besides not having limited edition luxury items because it sold out so qUICKLY that he didn’t get to (slightly) pull some strings to snatch it

besides not having the satisfactory unboxing from the hundreds of PR packages he gets everyday because the packaging’s either tOO simple or too difficult

is you, his personal assistant, not giving in to his wishes

technically your job description’s the opposite since it meant to comply to jimin’s beck and call and NOT interfere with his decisions

at first you were scared to death to even rAISE a brow at jimin’s decisions

“y/n, if u were to buy a limited edition audemars piguet watch — which variant would you choose?? silver, gold, oR black leather??”

“AP??? mr. park — sir i-...”

“sir. three letters. y/n.,.,.. ur a genius. thanks i’m gonna buy all three now :D”

but that was two years ago!!

you grew balls and learned to shut up only when necessary!!

you may be jimin’s personal assistant but you turned into a best friend now who jUST so happens to be with him almost 24/7 while still being his PA

he got you to drop mr. park early on because it AGED him

jimin remembers being in his breakfast nook at the time with his phone turned off and as he’s holding it he could see his reflection on the black screen and he almost fLIPS to see this wrinkle at the corner of his eye

and at the same moment he hears your voice going mR. PARK as you go on to say something completely irrelevant to the battle in his mind of oh my god do i hAVE a wrinkle

“jimin. not mr. park pls that’s my father. jimin. jimin. y’know what??? call me bABY JIMIN-“

he was freaking out

lol it wasn’t a wrinkle

just a little sleep mark he obtained because he was snoozing off for hours with his face squished into his pillow persistently

being close was inevitable, really

you were close in age and you’re his first ever assistant!!!

sure jimin has had his fair share of nannies growing up but now he’s an adult and he’s mvoed out

but his parents still look out for him :))

so yeah he gets a personal assistant, a bodyguard that could also be the driver (jimin’s desperate to mASTER driving okay), and a chef!!

it’s said that a person is not more than six connections away from another

you are a fIRM believer of that now because of a cousin who has a friend whose-

mr. and mrs. park were genuinely :O and :D to know that jimin didn’t resent you and you were going along well!!! money isn’t an issue but jimin’s bills this month wasn’t as high as it used to be because he let this season’s designer pieces because honestly they were a bit ugly hehe :D

he’s learned from you that he dOESN’T have to buy apparel from each season because he does that for all the previous,,, he should buy it because he genuinely likes it and u know what

you’re right

you get that jimin has the freedom to buy what he wants because it is his money after all and he’s still technically your boss even if mr. and mrs. park (ok maybe their assistant) are the ones that transfer your salary to your bank account

and you only step in (first as a friend, second as a PA) when he’s being ULTIMATELY irrational and shallow

jimin’s looking at you with a full pout, fists balled up as another whine escapes from his throat

“why won’t you just let me buy another sweater???”

the gray sweater in question was clearly expensive and you don’t even have to take a look at the label to confirm your thoughts

it was just a tiny splotch of chocolate from the french toast jin made for breakfast!!!

jimin was particularly giddy to have it for breakfast because “jIN-HYUNG i didn’t know u would cook this for breakfast omg i loVE U”

the chef made extra portions of course because he knows the younger one goes WEAK for his french toast

aha and not to flex but basically everything else he cooks because he’s that good :D

didn’t even notice on how eager he was eating until you strolled in to get your own plate and just booped at the damp spot of his sweater

:((((

“because i could wash it off, jimin”

his clothes were dry-cleaned to the surprise of no one

and yes u kinda feel sorry because he has a pout on his face and you know this is one of his favorite sweaters aND all he has to do is press some buttons and god it would probably be delivered to him in less than an hour

he has a new shirt on and jimin’s tugging at the hem of yours as if to plead, watching you work under his curious gaze

u know u have a wash basin here somewhere in this laundry room

that almost isn’t used at all :))

anything that has to do with chores in jimin’s massive place is for decor purposes only :))))

two top-notch washing machines that you could only sEE through pinterest before working here and they just collect DUST

if you were hypothetically a robber can you like.,.,., steal this from jimin.,.,.,. without him noticing,.,...

actually yeah you can

anyways

jimin’s just sitting himself on top of said washing machine as your there beside him with a basin that’s filled with water

and then there’s some detergent??? and-

“wHY ARE yOU STRETCHING OUT THE FABRIC”

“jimin iM NOT”

you’re scrubbing out the stain as gentle yet as efficient as possible without having the fabric stretched too much

he’s whining and clawing at you to sTOP and he shuts himself up every ten seconds because

you’re rinsing it off again???

and you’re squeezing it out???

basic hand washing is a relatively new concept that’s mind-boggling to jimin apparently :D

within a second are you raising up his sweater to him and he’s skeptical so he’s feeling it out and-

tHE STAIN

THE STAIN DISAPPEARED

omg

jimin is so clueless at times especially since your standard of normal is different from his so as much as you wanna take credit for it

like that time he went to the snow for a goddamn photoshoot and u were in a cabin and he pointed to a gas stove and was like :O

god if seokjin was included in that trip he would laugh endlessly bc jimin was too familiar with an electric stove and nOT a gas one

“isn’t this unsafe??”

poor baby was too nervous when you turned the gas range on and you’re like “yA a bit but only when you forget to turn it off obviously”

so he was turning the knob and it won’t turn on and he was so frustrated!!! he wasn’t even gonna cook anything!!! he just wanted to turn the stove on!!!!

then jimin sees you fishing out a lighter you carry on with you because he likes bringing these artisan candles with him whenever he’s going out for a shoot

you’re rotating the knob?? there still isn’t fire bUT now there’s one now that you put the flame from the lighter near it???

he was NEARLY scared as he’s hiding behind your back

“aha look at that!!! a flame!!! from a gas stove!! :D”

now’s not the time to have your fun at poking on his cluelessness because you have things to do and stuff to pack and jimin really needs to learn basic skills at life to survive on his own but that’s for another time

“now toss it to the washing machine and wash it regularly while i send you your schedule for today.”

:)

you’re skipping off to fetch your phone by the breakfast nook and jimin’s... kinda just... standing there

he’s stoic with a sheepish smile

:)

“you.... you don’t know how to work the washing machine.,.,.,.?”

aha jimin definitely does not know how to

feels a bit embarrassed because he seems daunted by this task and his personal assistant has question marks all over her face

but nonetheless you still come over to him and jimin’s heart went wOOSH

he is an adult who is almost fully dependent on you and that bit he is entirely sure of :))

“what do you think is step one?”

oh no iS THIS A TRICK QUESTION

jimin can blame it on his grogginess because he just woke up but he knows that you know he is vERY much awake right now

“... plug?? it’s not battery-operated, right?? plug it in!! yeah, plug it in :D”

he’s proud of that one for knowing because he’s already finding himself the plug and boop just plug it in to that socket right there!! it makes perfect sense

you’re there trying to stifle your laughter at the image of jimin probably having the image of a washing machine with those little 9V batteries you use in a diy series circuit in class :(((

you are not gonna laugh THAT loudly

“that’s good, jimin!! okay now what do you think is the next step?”

okay he’s intimidated now

“do you put in the shirt first or do you put in the detergent?? wHY is there no water?? is he supposed to fill it up?? these buttons look helpful but they’re just too many-“

he finds you putting your hand on top of his to release his grip on the sweater :(((

“you put it in.”

“your washing machine’s on the fancier side so it calibrates how heavy you put in first and then after it does that, it figures out what type of washing needs to be done!! how much water and how much detergent!! and then-”

oh

he didn’t know that

the door to the laundry room bursts open and a jokingly-frantic jungkook pops in

jimin thought it was a serious situation for a second because kook was putting him behind himself and he’s even cROUCHING and his stance is of a basketball player in a defense stance and he’s like WHAT WHAT JUNGKOOK???

“from what do i need to protect jimin from?? is the washing machine being tOO bizarre from him???”

“yA!!!”

jimin’s pouting at that and even punches kook in the shoulder and that just makes him laugh even more

even jungkook pokes fun at his job

he takes being a bodyguard vERY seriously okay!!!

yes he may be younger than jimin and he’s actually the first-ever bodyguard he’s ever had that’s close to his age bUT that doesn’t mean his skillset is far from those middle-aged men that went out with jimin when he was still in his teens

kook’s took up various martial arts and at one point even took boxing!! he likes to think that he is more than certified for this job ok

jimin doesn’t actually need that much protecting (thankfully there aren’t any death threats or something grave),, it just so happened that he’s a bit of a prominent figure and there are times that when he steps out in public, he almost immediately gets mobbed

or there are times when jimin just needs someone to be with him to give him a sense of security because he is highly vulnerable to being mugged

that’s what jungkook is for!!

originally he was supposed to have a uniform and jimin protested that to his parents because aish it looked too official and he dOESN’T want that

doesn’t stop kook from intentionally buying tracksuits and matching sets because it makes him feel official and they’re just really comfortable :D

you, jungkook and jin are jimin’s first-evers (as he’d like to call it) and quite frankly he’s thankful because the three of you were eASY to be along with!!

it’s always been a running joke to how you work for jimin and how even jin who was older than him hAD to call him mr. park at first

“yA think of my pride when i used to call you mr. park!!”

he got everyone to drop it and jin was so relieved and resorted to calling him random food because he cares for the kid and this mochi he ate the other day resembled jimin

he sometimes sees jimin’s face in those jiggly cakes he makes as a dessert for when he’s done with a shoot and has been texting him nonstop because he was craving :((

jungkook was laid off calling jimin as mr. park in a rather different way

he accidentally called jimin as jimin-hyung

pretty eARLY ON 

and god he just froze because fuck did he rEALLY just call his job jimin-hyung???

and jimin was :O

he was freaking out excitedly!!

oMG this is the first time someone called him hyung!!!

he isn’t counting the times he got called in honorifics by those snotty little kids that were the children of his parents’ friends

and he froze too and he was about to squeal!!!

jungkook was about to bury himself 

like seriously

should he pretend it was a ghost or something?? that it wasn’t him?? maybe jimin’s just getting old and he’s hearing things??

“mr. park i-”

“no no nOOO!! omg it’s okay don’t call me mr. park!! just call me jimin!! jimin-hyung!! i like that better pls jungkook pls :D”

it was comfortable between the four of you and you are so glad that jimin is only SELDOM an uptight rich brat and you know what,,, maybe he’s even picking up some personality traits from the three of you

it was basically impossible to not absorb traits from each other

basically the living situation is pretty direct!!

jimin’s property has a huge backyard

and in that backyard, there’s this separate guesthouse that has three rooms and has its own bathroom to each one!!

THE THREE OF YOU DON’T RESIDE THERE THO :D

the three of you used to but just on this particularly lonely night, jimin was ??? because there are more than enough rooms for the four of you in the main house

ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵉ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᵃˡᵒⁿᵉ ᵒᵏ ʰᵉ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᵉⁿʲᵒʸˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃⁿʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʰʳᵉᵉ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᵇʳᶦⁿᵍ

so on that night where the three of you are cramped into jin’s room because he has the biggest and you all wanted to watch this movie that they said is too ridiculous that it became good, there was a kNOCK

jungkook was immediately pushed to open the door because he was the bodyguard and he was sCARED

normally jimin doesn’t even go to the backyard

and it ended up with you opening the door with jin and kook crouched behind you and they were wAIT IS THAT MR. PARK

the three of you were in your pajamas and are like aha :D

jimin is as surprised as you are and he does a double-take on kook because he was so used to seeing him in these non-obligatory but much appreciated tracksuits and nOT matching pink pajamas with uh an angry bunny???

he snapped out quickly when you asked him what’s wrong and you’re already in PA mode asking him what he needs

“o-oh!! uhm no no everything’s fine!! aHa you see i was just wondering if you uhm -- if the three of you wanna come in?? h-hang out..,.,?? i have this cake that was given to me awhile ago a-and i can’t eat it alone and i-...”

god he was so cute

fumbling with his words as he tries to ask out the three of you to spend time with him and not for work

once he was done he looks up to three grinning faces bc he was sO adorable being beyond nervous

and the three of you agreed instantly like sURE as long as we don’t disrupt you or anything!! :D

needless to say instant friendship was born that night hehe

he asked the three of you to move to the main house and not stay in the guest one because he was very insistent that it was isolating to think of and you’re not even guests!!!!

so yeah the very next day the three of you moved in and you’re all still :D

as per rest days, you have them!! 

those two free days adjust to jimin’s schedule so they were being rotated constantly

jimin can have all three of you in some days, but most of the time, one’s out to have their off!! it basically adjusts to what jimin has in his plate for the day

you all have your own places but jimin insists that you can have ur off-days here!!! the three of you could stay and he’s not gonna bother the one who has said off-day for the whole time

if he’s going out for a shoot, you and jungkook are the most essential so jin could take his off for that one

if jimin’s free and he’s just lazing around, then jin stays and it could jungkook’s off

it’s under rules that atleast one stays with jimin!!! it was easy to hang around with but the three of you needed to learn the others’ job

jungkook’s given the both of you an intensive course on how to drive jimin’s cars and nOT be intimidated to how any damage that would be done is gonna be more expensive than anything you’ve ever bought in your whole life!! 

teached how to sweep away people would sometimes get too close and the trick was to keep one arm on jimin and the other fURIOUSLY waving away while you keep his head down and have the most stoic face ever

he also gave you and jin a swiss army knife to keep on you because u never know amirite

jin taught you and jungkook how to not burn the kitchen down

made a list to what jimin doesn’t exactly like on his food and to how there’s a formula to what meals he prepares for him in the exact needs before a shoot or summat; such as being filled and not looking bloated!!

also taught to how you should keep your cool when jimin shoves his phone to your face excitedly about this recipe for a dessert too early in the morning

jin and jungkook still can’t get the hang of your job

it was busy and all over the place

you were in your own flat and kook and jin were left with jimin

it was just a quick shoot and the brand had it all taken care of the last time so you cashed in your break and just let them handle it

jin was very confused??? like do you just stand here the whole time????

jimin was filling him in to what you usually did

“this is the part where y/n-”

“oHHHH okay okay that’s easy!!”

no

it was not easy

jungkook was not helping

“hYUNG i’m doing something!! i’m a bodyguard!! my job is to protect jimin!!”

“wHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?? are you protecting jimin from the hairdryer?? or are you protecting him from the straightener?? eXACTLY now help me do y/n’s job!!!”

at the next day you came back, they never underestimated your job eVER

“it was the equivalent of gordon ramsay calling that chef an idiot sandwich :((((”

“i would rather take another intense yoga class than to take your job :((”

same as jimin’s job descriptions, yours were also all over the place

you become what he needs you to be

although that sounds really cheesy :D

jimin is already famous enough as it is for being jimin

he’s known for being his parents’ only child 

and it just so happened that his parents are insanely famous and rich too

his first shot at fame was when his parents were like “ok!!! let’s put in our baby for this baby commercial he’s the perfect fit for it uWU”

all he did was become baby jimin and all he did back then was babble and crawl and drool over himself and then suddenly it was the first peak to mr. and mrs. park’s son and he already has evERYONE wrapped around his tiny pinky

no one ever wants to live that baby commercial down

he wants everyone to collectively forget that it even happened

he’s made the three of you pinky-promise to not eVER watch it nor search nor even breathe in the direction of that course

curiosity ate the three of you because now more than ever you all wANTED to watch it

you and jin and kook pretend to never have watched it :)

jungkook has to resist a squeal every time he sees jimin’s hand reaching out for him 

jin keeps himself from cooing because sometimes he wants to put a spoon to jimin’s mouth just to recreate that baby food scene

anyways 

jimin’s jobs are all over the place!!

most times he’s a model for various luxury brands

he sometimes has minor roles in shows and movies and boom views iMMEDIATELY spike up and his scene would be the most talked-about scene in said media

you remember that he did this cameo once and he appeared for like five seconds

the amount of money he got for it was insane!!!!

jimin just down-played it bc you’re to one who accepted the envelope because he was over in another set talking to the director and while you’re kind of rigid he’s become :D “aHa ignore that pls do u want ice cream”

he has these collaborations too both in fashion and jewelry that he takes really seriously

the only fields he hasn’t dabbled in yet was music and dance

god you really want to see that

you’re sure that he’s probably gonna hit home-run with it too because jimin was just naturally great and gifted at things :(((

he was so effortless

like the way he’s moving right now with this silk shirt on him and these embroidered and fit golden pants and even has the photographer sWOONING 

jungkook’s nodding earnestly with his arms crossed as the both of you watch jimin by the sidelines

“can u believe that we work for a multi-millionaire”

that part never sinks in either

there’s much respect and awe in between your respective work relationships with jimin!!!

he’s kind and sweet aND he could be a brat sometimes but he can get told off :D

“a multi-millionaire who i argued with this morning about to whether the cHICKEN OR THE EGG CAME FIRST”

these banters between the two,,, christ

“are u gonna have that argument every time jin cooks eggs for breakfast”

...

one of them can spot a single thing and have an argument ensued in the next second

jimin once saw a yellow gummy bear and said “look!! it’s a lemon one!!” and kook was like “lmao nO how much you wanna bet it’s banana”

???? jungkook was a dummy for that one

passing the time while jimin’s on his shoots are quite entertaining

apparently being linked to park jimin has its perks and advantages

a crew member saw the both of you standing so of cOURSE you’re immediately being offered seats :D

to be entirely honest, ever since you received the jimin’s crew treatment, you and kook wordlessly tried to dress better when accompanying him to things like these

jungkook must’ve been looking extra broody and extra fashionable today with his all-black outfit once again but this time he was wearing something more figure-forming

even added some silver hoops for a nice touch and he’s eternally thankful that jimin allowed having multiple piercings in for the job because what’s it gonna do?? slow down jungkook when he needs to throw a punch?? aHA he doesn’t think so

must’ve been looking so f i n e that someone approaches to where the both of you are sitting

“are you the new model?? why are you sTILL here go to hair and makeup right now!!!”

jungkook has logged off and you swear you could hear a microsoft xp shutting down

thankfully you step in and speak for a speechless gguk who’s buring his face in your neck before he gets whisked away by the now sheepish crew member

he is BLUSHING

he’s placing himself to be as tiny as possible as he squishes himself to your figure

jungkook’s speaking in tiny text rn

he is giggling and squealing and he is practically burning in flattery

the chair he’s sitting on looks like it was gonna collapse with how he’s moving like a worm sprinkled in salt

“yAAAaA what’s happening???”

jimin just finished that portion of the shoot and the first thing that greets him is a withering jungkook cuddling (???) to you puts a bad taste to his mouth

he’s holding jungkook’s face up in genuine concern but also to keep his face out from your thighs :((((

“he got mistakened for a model”

at your answer he immediately sQUEALS again in the fresh memory as he’s giggling away from jungkook’s grasp and back again to your neck as he’s trying to calm himself down

the situation is amusing and even more-so jungkook’s reaction

jimin doesn’t find it amusing as much though

why are you letting kook nuzzle to you :((((

not that he cares or anything :D

not that it affects him in a way or something :D

you finally get kook to calm down because there are now inquiring stares at the both of you and u need to put a straight face on

you are the PA of the well-respected park jimin you nEED to keep your composure

jimin needs to keep his cool on the other hand :)

he’s gonna ignore his feelings for now because putting things aside until it bit him in the ass is his specialty!!

that’s why he has you as his personal assistant for!!

“y/n can u pls put in putting aside my feelings for you in next year’s schedule?”

“putting aside my feelings for you; next year!! sure thing wAIT WHAT”

he hates confrontation so much 

jimin doesn’t care if everyone else is basically scared if they’re confronted by him because hE’S afraid of them too

again, that’s why he has you!! for confrontation!! one whisper to what he feels about a particular thing and you’re immediately voicing out “mr. park doesn’t-...”

he’s okay now

already once again subdued these confusing and blooming feelings of his

:D

one of the great things that came with this job is that the amount of PR packages jimin receives is bottomless

jimin’s used to having all things to himself because he was an only child and hehe he normally isn’t used to sharing

but he is now!!!

unboxing all the packages he gets is now a bonding task for the four of you

jimin however gets first dibs to pick the packages that catch his eye and those that invoke no enthusiasm at all is left for the three of you

“your turn!!” was basically signal for you and jin and kook to elbow at each other to grasp boxes all of you have been eyeing for quite some time now

quite aware that you all look unicivilized but that’s been normalized at this point when jimin asked the three of u to open his packages with him; something he’s nEVER done before

he’s generous too

most times he gets sent the same stuff twice and sometimes even more

you particularly remember that time when jimin opened a box from gucci and meh it was the same shirt he had

“here u can have this kookie!! we have the same size i think :D”

“m-me???? you’re giving this to mE????”

needless to say there were tears and some hugs shared and that’s become a regular thing now for all these things jimin gets for free

jimin’s done a favor for this cooking show that was good but was declining on ratings and ever since his appearance, the show was basically saved

ever since then, he gets sent atleast twice a week of cooking and baking equipment 

seokjin was so near to tears when jimin said that he should get everything he gets sent cooking-wise and then some because he’d benefit more from it

“jimin u little brat i LOVE YOU :’‘‘)”

a whole-ass grill was sent one time and it was expensive as frick as what jin explained

he was too excited that he set up the grill at 10 in the evening

everyone narrates what they’ve opened up

“jimin-hyung u hAVE THE MATCHING JACKET TO THIS omg it’s gonna look so good”

“more snacks!!! omg i can pack them for u in these nEW lunchboxes!!”

and this is what jimin likes because he can clearly tell that you aren’t taking advantage of him nor opportunities like these

there’s no hidden agenda, no bluffs, no half-assed compliments to get him 

his heart feels especially content god he goes soft for things like these

if it’s a duplicate of what he already has or if he isn’t much of a fan, you can have it!!

if no one wants it, you could just wrap it up and he can give it as a gift to the people he works with!!

if it’s makeup, you’re all gonna sHARE and if it isn’t in your shade then you’re out the table as a contender to who gets it!!

if it’s jimin opening up the red compact cartier box to see this beautiful thing for a necklace

the necklace that’s a part of the cartier caresse d'orchidées line and ithe box is just sitting snugly on his hands and it literally makes him gasp and makes his heart awe at the sight

so much so that you stop trying to get to open this complicated parcel that can’t be opened with a cutter, and jin and jungkook stopping in trying to pry it open do the same as they stop

“what is it??”

jimin smiles brightly that his eyes disappear and you visibly grin at the sight of him :(((

wordlessly he’s standing up from his own pile

jungkook’s sweeping away the japanese paper and the dustbags and everything else in the way because jimin’s a bit clumsy and he doesn’t want him to slip ok

he’s walking himself to you wearing the sweetest smile on his face!!!

you are not falling

spoiler alert because you have already fallen

jimin’s crouching at your position on the floor and is already in a squat and before you get more confused, he tips the box to your eyesight, a slight gasp escaping your lips

“that’s so pretty!!”

jin and kook are internally screaming because they’re not blind to the mutual pining you have for each other ok

they’re not blind but it seems like the bOTH of you are

they don’t wanna intrude at this new moment in front of them but they’re also very curious to what’s happening judging by the way their necks are outstretched and how kook’s punching at jin’s shoulders in anticipation

jimin merely hums as agreement

hehe is it just you or does it feel like it’s only the two of you in this room right now or is like the airconditioning busted??? there’s this sudden piercing gaze he has on you???? and-

you feel your hair being swept to the side carefully and following almost immediately was the cool feeling of this thin chain on your neck

wait

wait what

“jimin!!!”

“y/n.”

he’s just calmly replying to the confused and almost worried calls to his name

you don’t know how you’re going to register this

the chain went a bit low and jimin’s wordlessly adjusting the pendant to sit at the center of your chest 

his fingers just bARELY glides to the exposed bit of your skin because you aren’t exactly wearing a turtleneck for bed

“thought of you when i saw this :D”

and it’s true

he really did think of you the moment he opened the box

it’s dawning into you now and the fact that oh my god this was a cARTIER necklace and it’s expensive and it’s sitting on your neck and jimin just did tHAT

“jimin i-i can’t accept this, y’know?? it was sent to you and it’s not for me, really!! also it’s too expensive and i really don’t-...”

he gets to pull a reverse uno card for you on that one

“technically, it’s free right? just got sent to me.”

:))))))

he sees you speechless

you only used that line for the snacks and the gummies he got in the packages that you most definitely could buy out from your own pocket

NOT FOR A CARTIER NECKLACE

jimin’s grinning at you and you look at a lost and defeated puppy who’s about to blubber

he shrugs like no big deal and before he goes back to his pile, he ruffles your hair for good measure and eVEN pinches your cheek

“keep it, jagi.”

did he just like mumble that line

did he just

did jimin just call you jagi

jagi

did your soul just ascend to heaven or-

ok that is most definitely jungkook pushing you and jin choking you but gently,, because the necklace madame,,, over what they just saw

jimin’s just smiling to himself like none of that didn’t happen

and the only thing keeping you sane (and the same time delirious) that all of this is happening is the bit of expensive proof hanging by your neck and at the though you instinctively run your thumb over the pendant

you will really d-word right now tho

the things is

it was hard not to fall for jimin

you really fought now to view him in the way the general media did because that can’t be to all he is, right?? :((

and god you’re so glad that you didn’t let your thoughts precede the way you viewed him

jimin may be materialistic and bratty at times

could be real inconsiderate sometimes too

but he was actively and consciously trying!! he may not admit it now but the way that you didn’t tolerate his bullshit and that someone actually says no to him was almost empowering and eye-opening

he has an actual personality!!! he is genuine and he cares!!! 

jimin is so much more and it just so happened that he was born into a pedestal with a golden spoon on his mouth

he didn’t choose to be born into this more than privileged lifestyle and he recognizes that!! makes him somehow guilty and he’s always trying to give whenever he can 

sucks because some people think that he’s being this way to gain him some publicity

he means every single thought he has for these things he advocates for!!!

he has this charisma and star factor with him and it was undeniable in everything he does

he’s intelligent and not air-headed!!! 

ok he may not know basic chores or how to work a washing machine until now but he’s trying his best!! 

and you love him for that

love

who said that

aha :D

maybe this is the same ghost that said jimin-hyung

that couldn’t be you :D

it was hard not to get consumed by your thoughts and feelings when you’re practically with jimin around the clock

can’t help thinking that this is probably you’re closest shot at domestic life because god if you were an official couple then this means you’re living in tOGETHER

you’re just a personal assistant!!

you need to get that into your head 

also you need to get into your head that there’s urgent knocking on your door and it got you so nervous that your heart probably fell to your ass as you were jolted awake

“jimin?”

a sweaty-looking jimin jolts as soon as you open the door and he’s sQUEEZING himself in to fit in the gap between you and the door

“aHAAA hi y/n!!” :D

he immediately sits himself by the end of your bed and god he looks so relieved the moment he set his hands down your comforter

too relieved that he didn’t notice that this was almost intimate

too relieved that he didn’t even see you snatching a random hoodie so quick because you for sure weren’t wearing a bra aha

he’s smiling up back at you as he’s still catching his breath

“.,..,.,. jimin this is the part where u explain why you’re here”

...

...

“...,,.,. there was a spider in my room,.,.,.”

he was sO terrified because it was intimidatingly huge

huge is relative but god it must’ve been the size of his palm and that is tOO big for a spider

goddamn it he was just about to apply his toner that he left by his bedside table and the spider just HAD to exist by the wall behind it

he ran out so fucking fast it was like he totally didn’t yelp at all

that must’ve been the sound of how quick his feet moved 

you thought it would be more of a life-threatening emergency that isn’t caused by a spider

you’re just gonna be relaxed and comfortable as if you and jimin aren’t in your bedroom :D

“can u kill it for me pls”

“lol no”

even the thought of a household spider and their obscenely long legs and the way they moved is enough to make you shudder

“want me to wake up kook to take it out for you?”

jungkook the bodyguard is mighty scared too but he has nO choice because after all his job is to protect jimin

even if it’s from a paper cut or a spider

that’s actually a good idea

an even better idea pops into jimin’s head though :D

“aish i don’t wanna wake him up :(((”

is jimin stretching right now

is he-

is he yawning on cue 

and is jimin swiftly getting under your covers right now

god he’s so smart but in the same time so nERVOUS

are you seeing right now the way he’s trembling nervously at his nonchalant attitude??

he even pOINTS to the light switch that needs to be turned off

“good night, y/n!!!”

he doesn’t mind the way your bed’s smaller than his

doesn’t mind the way that the comforter he has over his body isn’t as weighted or isn’t as luxurious as the one he has on his room

doesn’t mind that he can’t spritz that line spray that helps make him sleep because this isn’t exactly his room

it doesn’t matter at all because the only thing his mind is on is the fact that you’ve climbed into bed too

that you didn’t say anything else and yielded to the fact that he wanted to sleep here because there was a spider in his room

god you’d do anything for him

you’re whipped

even more whipped than the dalgona jin makes as breakfast coffee and he has that mastered to the T

good thing the lights are already turned off or else you’d be outed for having your cheeks heating up

jimin doesn’t need a light to know that

and there aren’t any words needed either to know that sharing a bed with you is something that fills jimin to the brim with contentment 

it’s not even dirty thoughts it’s wARM FUZZY THOUGHTS

the prior is something he’s shoving to the back of his head because now is not the time to have a hard-on when he’s sharing a bed with you oKAY

his thoughts are so noisy

why cant he just be !! no thoughts, head empty !! right now like every other time he is genuinely about to fREAK out

feels you shift and he immediately freezes because oh god was he moving too much?? y’know what he’s not gonna move at all like he’s sleeping in your bed he’s the guest he should be bEHAVED!! matter of fact he shouldn’t even breathe who tf does jimin think he is for causing you trouble i mean-

“night, jagi :)”

oh huh

oMG DID YOU JUST CALL HIM JAGI

jimin swears he can evaporate happily right now 

he even giggles at it!!!

here u were thinking you were being  𝖇𝖔𝖑𝖉  for calling him jagi and all he had to do was giggle and nOW you’re outbested once again

needless to say that that was the soundest and most fulfilling sleep jimin’s ever had in a long time

he wakes up and uhm you weren’t there????

he wasn’t cuddling to you, was he??

spoiler alert: he was indeed cuddling you unconsciously

you’ve been jimin’s PA for so long now that your body clock adjusts to whatever schedule he has for the next day

and today was a free day for him!! and you wanted to sleep in!!

even burrowing deeper to hug that particularly fluffy and good pillow you have

aha that is most definitely not your pillow :D

you were in-between the state of still being sleepy and being aware of the things that are happening around you 

you aren’t a big fan of spiders

and the fact that you just remembered jimin slept in your room and on your bed because of the fact that there was a spider in his room and he didn’t want to bother anyone at that time of the evening to take it out

and just decided to take residency in your bed for the night

the same jimin who has his head propped up on your pillow higher than yours did, with his whole leg weighing your lower body down and his arm loose yet snugly fit on your waist

with his eyes closed and pillowy lips plump 

and this urge to wake him up intentionally because his morning voice,,.,..,, his morning voice

aha but maybe that spider knew what it was doing :D

you are not falling, and you most definitely have self-control!!!

those are lies

it physically pained you to count to three before trying to untangle yourself from jimin because you wanted to EMBRACE him like what he’s doing right now but with you being awake

he goes down the stairs with much more purpose

only jin is downstairs and you’re still not here?? :(

jin was about to finish making these obscenely fluffy pancakes that take so long to cook but eh he’s like whatever since he woke up early this morning

and also he needs to up is breakfast game because jungkook intimidated him when he won you over with the breakfast burrito he made on a whim as a competition between the two of them

jin wants everyone to know that he is the best cook in this house and he’s still huffy about it if he’s being honest

he’s gonna forgive you and your horrible taste and poor decision-making skills but he swears :) one more time that you pick jungkook’s cooking over his :) whether you’re being genuine or just wanting to get a rise out of him :) he’s gonna cook you stale noodles for every meal for the rest of your days that he cooks as you work for jimin :)

where are you though :((

aha he’s hearing your steps on the stairs right now and he’s certain that they belonged to you!! he’s trying to look as nonchalant as possible with his back turned on the staircase

“JIMIN-HYUNG!!”

ok he’s looking for you and not for an oversized buff bunny bounding at him

“i got kook to take out the spider from your room!!”

oh that’s your voice alright

he’s just humming as you and kook take your seats in these barstools he specifically bought since you all take genuine enthusiasm in watching jin cook and in annoying him

he’s hearing you and kook take turns in droning off about the spider and wait

does this mean he doesn’t have anymore reason to sleep in your room anymore??

:(((

how about if he just uses the excuse that the spider jungkook took out actually left a family behind

and now there’s just a family of spiders in his room and jimin being the generous man that he is, gave up the room for them and with that, your room is now his room!! :D

will you buy that though

will anybody

absolutely: no one

he’s still a bit pouty because he still doesn’t know if he was cuddling to you last night

aha and you feel awkward in letting him know that he did

what jimin doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?? :D

jungkook has his free day today and he’s gonna spend the entirety of it shopping!! he’s gonna come home here later on since it’s been ages when he came home to his own place and lol no he isn’t ready to clean up that place

and also since jimin’s sweetly emphasized that his home is your home too and you would always be welcome!!!

“i’m bored :((”

jimin says for the tenth time in the past half-hour

the only thing he’s been doing is laying his head on your shoulder as you do your work

he’s never really gotten your whole scheduling process even after this whole time but he’s gotten more aware and more confused at the past ten minutes

you’re copying and writing down past and future schedules in your planner from your phone so you could have both a physical and digital copy

“i don’t get why you’re still writing down my schedules. i bought you an ipad for work. you have your work phone too. i mean -- oh my god you don’t have a smartwatch!! oh god why didn’t i think of that??”

he’s launching himself into a rant of how he hasn’t bought you a smartwatch and that he owes you that much since he puts a lot on your plate and that would help ease your work

even before he pulls out his phone to order one asap, he hears you just barely mumble while you’re still nose-deep into what you’re doing

“because you bought me this notebook.”

oh

uhm

is that adoration in his eyes

jimin even forgot that he bought you this planner in the first place

you remember him giving it to you when he came home from his friends’ trip abroad with taehyung and hoseok!!

you never really got to know them properly since whenever they go out, jimin insists that you stay at home since they don’t have their PAs with them either

and from what you know, taehyung and hoseok are also insanely rich :D

as from what jin knows too, their parents are all friends and they’re like a part of this compact wealthy and well-known group of families and that the three of them have been childhood friends ever since

you were kinda confused when he gave you a paper bag with multiple notebooks and planners

because sir?? i already have a work phone and a work ipad?? wHO has the time to write in planners when you work for park jimin???

his very simple answer that got through your heart was:

“i don’t know either. just remembered you when i saw these so i bought them.”

and you wanted to melt on the spot

you got around to using them!! and as you realized physical copies could also be really helpful since what if your devices died or were hacked or maybe something wrong just happened!! you still have a physical copy

and besides you want to keep track of them so one day you could give them to jimin like

“here are years worth of planners and the things you did like wOW you just get more fully-booked each day and you’ve accomplished so many things pls jimin pls take these”

“cool cool cool cool”

jimin tries not to grin over that one but it’s hard not to combust over your sentiment 

he’s distracting himself by peering at what you’re writing

“i’m going grocery shopping today????”

lol the confusion in his voice is enough to break you out of your focused spell

“no i’m going grocery shopping. i combine my schedule with your schedule sometimes. this is our planner jimin.,.,., the one that’s purely for yours is on that other notebook”

our planner

goddamn it is seokjin cutting onions extremely close to jimin’s eyes right now

tries his best to ignore these fluttering feelings because it’s like you’re nOT EVEN TRYING TO MAKE HIM FLUSTERED

and if you were, you’re so effortless and he’s over here about to bust a lung because he’s trying not to breathe and therefore not giggle

“then let’s go grocery shopping.”

your eyes widen

is jimin

is park jimin going to go grocery shopping

"take me with you in your errand!! :D”

he repeats again because he sees the sheer confusion in your face

i mean what could go wrong!!!

uh yeah you’re pretty sure he hasn’t been in an actual grocery store like probably ever and he wouldn’t know what to get

“... are you sure about that jimin.,.,,”

“yeah it’s gonna be fun oMG i’m gonna take a shower now bye!!!”

this chore is mostly split to you and jin; him with everything food-related and you with the necessities!! it was fun because honestly? doing it was fun

maybe the fact that the two of you are given bottomless cards to do so since this was done for the sake of jimin anyway but besides that, it doesn’t feel like a chore at all

jimin has an array of cars and less driving skills if you were being honest 

yes he can drive but he’s not very good at it :D

and jimin lends any of you his cars whenever you need them for personal use -- always insists that any of you don’t take public transport when you’re gonna go home (which is rare) or basically go anywhere even outside when you’re not working for him when you could perfectly be at ease and in safety in the comfort of his cars

he fully convinced you when he said the fact that “yA uhm you do know that you’re all kinda known now for being associated with me right,.,, safety reasons, right,...,.,” and he gets worried ok

since kook is off and he was the bodyguard slash driver, you’re in charge for that now 

you’re dropping off jin in this supreme grocery store that has pretty much everything

everything except processed comfort food like mozzarella sticks and cheap god-tier ramyeon so you’re the one who buys those in your grocery store

one that’s ordinary compared to jin’s

and has ordinary people shopping in it 

and has a counter or seven that isn’t working

and has a tub of yogurt probably somewhere in the toiletries aisle 

because this was an ordinary grocery store and it doesn’t have each and every employee kind nor immediately putting back yogurt from the toiletries aisle back to the fridge 

because this is an ordinary grocery store :)

jimin’s in the back waving jin off enthusiastically and he’s kind of lingering looking at the rearview mirror because you’re not stepping on the pedal just yet

...

“you don’t wanna sit in the front?”

“nO I ABSOLUTELY WANT TO THANK U FOR ASKING I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK ME HEHE ANYWAYS”

can jimin just say

that he is in very much deep thought

he’s looking at you every few minutes just to let it sink in

that oh my god y/n is driving my car right now

my PA y/n is driving my mercedes s-class cabriolet 

my y/n is driving my mercedes s-class cabriolet and i’m so here for it

lol woah there who said that in jimin’s subconscious

who said that he can’t help imagining you driving it and the both of you doing groceries but this time you’re not his PA and he’s not your boss, but instead an actual couple that-

this goddamn ghost

damn ghost who called him jimin-hyung and then jagi can now invade his mind and plant these thoughts that’s making him yearn uncharacteristically smh

“wear your mask, jimin”

you’re prodding at him to wear it already before you leave the car and even make him wear the bucket hat for good measure just so he wouldn’t attract unnecessary attention

the car isn’t exactly the best car for you to be lowkey with hehe

jimin’s probably gonna get recognized anyway :(

you’re internally preparing yourself to kinda hover around jimin and look stoic and say “important business” whilst doing groceries

aha did jimin just immediately take his mask off the moment you step foot 

“.,.,,, it’s not like -- is it just me or is the air here a bit thinner than the grocery store jin shops at?”

:D

“nope. it’s really just like this :)”

“oh oh i wanna do it!!”

he says as soon as you take a cart and he’s waving grabby hands at you before he just pauses because uh 

is it just him?? or is like the handle supposed to be this color but it looks foggy and it’s not supposed to look like that color in the first place??

oh you’re already wiping down the handle of the pushcart before you take it

“no it’s ok it’s clean now hehe let me take this one y/n!!”

well then

you have a list and you’re at the end of the cart pulling at it to direct jimin where to go because it’s very clear that this is his first time

he keeps gasping every ten seconds while being very distracted

“are you sure we don’t need anymore sponges?? because that ten-pack seems very tempting. they’re in dIFFERENT colors too omg!!! we don’t need more?? aha u know what i’m paying this from my own wallet aha we need them”

“i didn’t know red cups were sold this many and this cheap let’s buy like five of these packs :D”

“yOOOOOO buy five take five of these sodas!! jungkook likes these right??? LET’S GET IT”

“this is such a big pack of ziplocks omg omg i can like use them when we go to these shoots!! we have these already?? but do we have them in this dINOSAUR edition tho???? no? that’s right”

“this is the biggest bottle of body wash i have ever seen in my life!! and it’s like so cheap!! wait i’m searching and yA it’s loved by 93 out of 100 people!!! i’m gonna be the 94th”

you didn’t expect this reaction

didn’t expect this completely perplexed yet amazed jimin who is amazed at mundane and ordinary things and honestly???? your heart tugs at the sight even when jimin’s holding up a three-pack of baby wipes saying “this is the bEST deal ever” before excitedly putting it in the cart

even at the bagging process he was very excited to see how things stacked up

at one point he even asks if he could pack some of the groceries down into the paper bags and when the cashier agreed and the bagger was confused yet agreed at the same time, jimin smiled so hARD

“you should take me with you every time you go get groceries :)”

“we’re not gonna get in front of the line every time because not every cashier would recognize you though”

“yeah bUT STILL”

there’s fondness just seeing jimin load up the trunk with groceries that he himself wanted to pick out

you needed to aid him a bit because he’s getting the unusual brand or forgetting something completely essential

and you just can’t help it!!!

“you did good today, jimin.”

aha aw really?? :)))))

you are killing him more and more as the day passes by and he hates it because you’re completely slick and effortless and god what does he have to do to make you fLUSTERED about pulling moves on him

“where do we go now though?”

“if it’s after my grocery run or if it’s after my grocery run but with you???”

“lol just pretend i’m not here this is yOUR day anyway”

there is this one place

that ramen place

that ramen place that’s a little restaurant and is located into the outskirts of the city and eating there for the first time was one of the days in your life that you felt the luckiest

you were getting a little bit lost going back to your dorm one night because the building was new and you just moved in then and you were hUNGRY from not having eaten lunch and it’s gonna be like 7 in the evening soon enough

and u know what you were ready to settle in to this only slightly sketchy looking place that has neon lights for a sign but the inside is bRIGHTLY-LIT but in the same time the inside has some faint lighting of pink and

ok there’s some customers by the corner aha you’re convinced that this is is an actual resstaurant and not a cover-up for some underground sketchy business :)

you could also ask for directions!! a double whammy you’ll take :D

and god

that was easily the best ramen you’ve ever had for such a reasonable price and you get so mUCH

didn’t skimp on the amount of noodles and the broth isn’t annoyingly salty!! the egg remained intact without it being tOO hard and it was in the perfect state!! the pork was tender without being irritatingly too chewy and was cooked to 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

it was so good you may have had shed a tear or some

you literally did it was so gOOD

not only were you given directions to your dorm, but you were also given directions to the best ramen place to ever exist :D

that ramen place is literally the name of the ramen place lol

and then you met jin and jungkook

and then kook accompanied you in a grocery run early enough into your new jobs and you all still kinda haven’t had the hang of it

and god u know what

u trusted jungkook.,,.,

trusted him enough to give him the directions for that ramen place and he’s like??? y/n ur not planning to ditch me in the side of the road are you????

and he’s just mhmm-ing his way as he let you order for him since this was his first time and you clearly knew it better

when jungkook says that he went to heaven at his first slurp

he means it

jungkook means that with his whole heart

in the same time he wants to clear his bowl so quick because he just can’t get enough but in the sAME time he wants to take his time because good things shouldn’t be rushed

after the meal like not only is his stomach full but so is his heart

it was official

“y/n i want u to know that i eNTRUST you with my whole life like pls i don’t mind if u call the shots until the day i die i don’t care u hAVE my whole heart”

and then it was when you and jungkook came home and kook can’t stop talking about the ramen

seokjin was so annoyed and offended like wtf did u just cheat on me with this damn ramen place i am the CHEF here

“jin-hyung please you hAVE to try it”

“aha i would never :D”

but then the inevitable happens

you pick up jin from his grocery store after you were done with yours and successfully set him up for the both of you to eat in that ramen place

and it was too late when he realized

and he’s figured it out since every description jungkook has ever given about the food matched up perfectly

he was at a total loss for words

:O

“i want what they have :’’’’)”

and the moment the both of you came home he iMMEDIATELY got to work in trying to recreate it but he never came to the exact recipe :((

a bit bummed but he’s in peace that he doesn’t know the recipe (even if it irks him sometimes)

aha jin knows that he would be too powerful if he knew the recipe anyway :D 

he’d be probably immortal at that point so this was for the sake of everyone else’s pride and sanity at this point

you’re oddly protective of that ramen place and u can’t help ity

OU’VE EVEN MADE FRIENDS WITH THE OWNER

park seojoon is an incredibly sweet man and restaurateur and you would easily lay down your life for him no doubt

he striked up conversation with you after u came in there for like one week straight because you were just going through it and he’s getting concerned now because he’s never seen someone eat tempura with so much sad eagerness

and he only knew you as a regular customer but he kNEW that you were normally happier and not looking so gloomy and intimidating????

turns out that his business is relatively new and not many people would come in because it looked sketchy and he doesn’t have enough profit yet to make the place look so divine

so he thanked u for giving that ramen place a chance

aND BECAUSE u dragging in jungkook and jin and that people would pass by seeing that oh wait these people are eating and they look vERY pleased that turned into the point that he’s been getting more customers!!!!

in short you’re very selective of the people you decide to introduce to that ramen place and seojoon finds that endearing and amusing at the same time

and bringing in jimin to this place is something that means a lot to you and it’s just sO exciting that you get to bring him in this part of your life

the part that entails to you being y/n and not his PA that’s with him almost 24/7 tending to his needs!!!

seojoon’s whipping his head at the chiming bell and oMG IT’S YOU!!! IT’S BEEN A WHILE!!!!

“y/NNNNNNNN!!!! :D”

“sEOJOOOOOON!!!! :D”

there’s a very eager hug and it catches the attention of some patrons but they’re like oh wAIT isn’t that the y/n from the multiple polaroids on the wall

kinda takes jimin aback for a sec

uhm he thought that you were gonna take him to lunch because as per your words of “probably my most favorite meals in my life ever besides jin’s?? i eAT THEM HERE”??????

meals???

not unless.,.,..

nOT UNLESS YOUR MEALS AREN’T ACTUALLY-

“i just got done getting groceries for my boss and he’s here with me!! jimin-“ you’re grabbing him by the arm to get closer to you and seojoon because he clearly backed off when the both of you hugged, “this is park seojoon!! he’s the owner of this place!! seojoon, this is-...”

“park jimin, i know!! it’s an honor to meet you, mr. park :D”

seojoon very much knows who he is even before you told him out of the blue that you worked for him as a personal assistant

he promised you extra portions of cheesy tonkatsu as long as you tell him how jimin’s like because he’s a bit of a fan of his work and all :)

he has his hand outreached and god you don’t know why but jimin’s suddenly buffering

kinda just gazes at the hand and you had to nudge him discreetly with your shoe tapping his

...

“.... nice to meet you too, mr. park.”

:)

:)

“oKAY let’s sit down in the booth!!!”

“yES good idea y/n!! you and jimin should get seated like right now aha!! good thing because i always put a reserved sign in there in case you and jin and kook decide to pop in all of a sudden :)”

jimin’s sitting across you and there’s this look on his face

oh god you know that face

maybe you’re just overthinking it

you already know what you’re ordering but you pretend to still look at the menu just to disguise the fact that you’re trying to distinguish jimin’s expression

he looks a bit-

“do they uhm, do they serve anything else besides these?”

oh

seojoon’s expanded the menu generously compared to the first time you went here

you’re trying to understand because the menu doesn’t exactly have the gourmet fish fingers jimin orders as an appetizer that contained two skimpy ones with sauce swiped haphazardly on the plate

there isn’t exactly luxuriously roasted lamb skewers in the menu

nor does it serve vin chaud as a refreshment while you wait for your order

but it doesn’t make the place any less good because good is subjective

and in normal circumstances and unlike standard of people like jimin, this place was genuinely good

“the water they have here... does it uhm... does it come from the tap?”

...

“no.”

you’re gonna try and keep a positive outlook on this because you know what?? maybe jimin’s just a bit tired to enjoy this new experience :)

“but don’t worry anyways! i brought with me your water! both the water and the iced coffee”

you’re already fishing through the tote bag you carry around when you’re out with jimin (your initials are embroidered with one strap and his in the other!!)

actually these are all your ideas

it was in your first month of working for him that you noticed jimin just like drinking in general

whether it’s water or orange juice or iced coffee and maybe even those fruity sugary drinks that has coconut jelly in them and of course beer

jimin atleast makes you fetch water for him about five times within a day and you have to hold onto plastic bottles until you see a recycling bin

then u had this genius idea

how about you gift jimin one of those hydroflasks because not only is it more eco-friendly but aLSO you don’t have to run to the nearest catering table or convenience store!!!

was it in the more expensive spectrum for water bottles? yes

but gODDAMN the pride you felt was insurmountable when you gave it to jimin

“y/n? water please.”

“aha sure mr. park here you go :D”

wait lol that’s relatively quick

then jimin’s eyes (and hands) land on this 21 oz army green hydroflask filled with cold water and if u wiggle it you could sTILL hear the ice clonking because it was still intact

he’s kind of perplexed

did this water bottle come with the water or????

“don’t worry sir!! i bought that for you!! it’s clean and new!! it’s yours, mr. park :D”

that touched his HEART

he may have dropped it once so lol you’re that whipped for him so you bought the rubberized sleeve, that it u may add is also tOO expensive for rubber that covered only a quarter of the bottle

it’s ok it’s for jimin

you’re bringing said hydroflask out now!!

even bringing out the tiny baby hydroflask (you bought him one the very next month because he liked it so much and he’s so happy with the original one) with iced coffee in case jimin wants variety

you could pull out a thousand more things from your bag to appease jimin

his expensive hand lotion that smelled of vanilla and coffee beans

his nintendo switch you carry around that he barely plays with but seeing it makes him happy

your work phone that contained emails from brand representatives and that they would have something sent over

you have more materials but none of it could shake off this noticeable frown in jimin’s face you’re so willing to try and ignore

one that looked like disgust

“i’m just gonna go to the counter to pay for our orders.”

jimin’s eyes narrow at that

don’t the waiters here come to your table and list down your orders so you don’t have to move a single inch because after all, this was a dine-in???

he feels so out of touch now that you’re over the counter

he’s definitrly feeling more glances from like the four people eating here that are starting to recognize him

the booths aren’t that spacious and the foam in the cushions isn’t heavenly comfortable to sink into

the table is a bit sticky and there’s a faint residual smell of lemon-scented multi-purpose cleaner

these pendant lights are too plain like why even bother with a pendant light if it’s just like every other boring light fixture

no ambient music in the background either

jimin is so out of it if you can’t tell by now

you’re coming back to your booth with your table number and he snorts to himself at that

there isn’t else who’s ordering wHY would you even need a table number

you heard that

clearly heard that

“... y’okay, jimin?”

“i’m fine.”

he’s not even gonna rest his forearms on the table

he should lean back and oh wait no he can’t :D

there’s this uncomfortable silence that’s so sudden and you don’t wanna partake in it because what happened to the jimin in the grocery store??

“why are we here?”

you were clearly not expecting that question

didn’t he tell you that you call the shots today and he’s just gonna tag along?

“you’re given a limitless credit card to attend to my needs and — does this place even take credit cards?”

you don’t like how soft-spoken yet condescending jimin’s tone is right now

nor his choice of words

and to how you feel so ridiculed with just the way he’s starting

seojoon arrives with your food and was about to crack a joke but uh your face is hung low and your fists are clenching and unclenching?? ok maybe next time

keeping this in is very hard

you’re gonna ignore that :)

you’re fishing for the metal case of jimin’s premium wooden chopsticks without a word

ok

you’re gonna keep your emotions together, sat your food, go home, and try to be understanding of jimin all throughout

it’s actually going along very well

pretending that jimin isn’t even here and instead savoring in the ramen you haven’t eaten for more or less a month because of jimin’s busy schedule and therefore your busy schedule

you missed this so much

omg seojoon definitely put more noodles in there he is a national treasure

you’re keeping your cool actually and-

“are you playing a prank on me, y/n? it’s not funny anymore.”

he’s half-whining and half-pissed

still hasn’t had one taste of his ramen

“i agreed to let you pick because i thought we were going to a real restaurant.”

christ

you are most certain now that trying to looking unfazed is what you’re failing miserably at as of the moment

“not a hole-in-the-wall type of ramen joint that’s cramped and has laminated hand-written numbers for table number.”

god you so badly want to explode

beyond offended and hurt because even seojoon and his place he worked tirelessly on is being slandered for a completely selfish reason

and that this whole thing is being twisted to you as if you didn’t ask him a million times is he was sURE of this

“and y/n, you know i don’t go to these types of places! i don’t-...”

“then we’re leaving.”

you’re not even halfway done eating

the excitement you harbored for wanting to be in this place in the first place has long been displaced

jimin’s sitting there in shock because he really didn’t expect that

he didn’t know what end result he was looking for

but you being actually mad at him and standing up and leaving so quickly through the door that you didn’t even wait for him was the eventual result

he’s sputtering to himself and he’s walking outside the restaurant with his head hung low

are you mad at him??

in his defense he was just speaking the truth

but that doesn’t mean shit now does it

he’s wordlessly climbing into the front seat of his car that you’ve already started because fUCK are you so mad and sad at the same time

jimin’s kinda worrying that he might’ve took that far

he’s sneaking looks at you and you’re stone-cold and he doesn’t even get a side-eye in response

he should be as stubborn as you were being now but he thinks that he might not be in the right position for that

you’re so silent and he’s fiddling with his rings and eVEN in stoplights you just keep your gaze trained to the road and nothing else

jimin realizes that oh

you’ve pulled up to his usual restaurant

his usual restaurant that had valet service and staff that would let him in even without a prior reservation

oh

he’s kind of hovering by the main door and you’re not beside him but rather behind, your position stiff and guarded with your arms crossed across your chest

you’re being jungkook right now instead of y/n

god you’re still boiling

you’ve never had this much determination to drive to this high-end ramen place that jimin earnestly likes and as you’ve figured his only standard that he’s compared seojoon’s place to

he doesn’t know how to react to how you reacted either

he didn’t expect to be eating lunch right now in one of his favorite restaurants with you sat across him but in guilt-tripping circumstances

jimin doesn’t know what to do with himself :(

he knows what to order and he knows what your order would be from here since this isn’t the first time you’ve accompanied him

even tried asking you if what you want to order in a timid voice but you didn’t even meet his gaze

still said your order to the waiter and he sneaks a look to see on how you would’ve reacted to it but again

there’s still none

guilt is practically eating jimin from the inside out at this point

he’s eating in front of you and he still feels guilty to do so because in the other hand

you refuse to even look at the meal in front of you that’s going cold

knows for a fact that you LOVE the red iced tea here even if he tells you repeatedly that it’s too sweet and the fact that it’s always served cold won’t help with it bUT NOW you’re not even casting a single glance to it

you don’t budge not even until he settles the bill and his eyes aren’t on you

gets your food wrapped up for take-out and normally drinks can’t be but they always make an exception for jimin

he’s holding it himself and you’re just trailing behind him again

even until you get handed the keys and drive jimin home

there’s no interaction whatsoever

even the radio he’s turned on doesn’t help because you’re not uttering a single word to him

you get home and jimin’s lingering by the driveway as he sees you lugging the groceries in your hands without making it obvious that you’re dYING to leave again so you could pick up jin

“i’m -- i’ll help.”

he says as input and he thought that would atleast get a small smile from you

aha there is none

he’s taking out paper bags from your hands and you let him

just turn your back on him and go back to the trunk and get some more

he’s purposely slowing his pace getting into the door so you’d trail behind him and maybe atleast nudge at him to fasten his pace because what you’re carrying is particularly heavy

yOU’RE STILL SILENT

and then there are no more groceries left and jimin’s frowning at that because wHAT he was just about to actually speak to you 

you’re starting the car again and????

you’re leaving???

oh

he uhm

he thought he was going with you to pick up jin

:(

jin immediately knew something was wrong when you picked him up and helped him put in his groceries in the very limited trunk so you had to put some of them in the actual backseats wITHOUT ANY COMPLAINTS

he even bought cacao nibs to snack on and you just give a gentle smile to when he’s offered you one because normally you and him would’ve bickered now on who should hold the bag for safekeeping

“y/n baby are u like,,,, ok”

“yeah i’m all ok :D”

“oh ok :D”

he smiles at that

might he remind you that he is nOT booboo the fool :(((

he doesn’t wanna prod in just yet and he doesn’t wanna invade ur bubble by asking you what’s wrong upfront

he’s just gonna invade it every once and then when he shoves a nib to your mouth to munch on to atleast believe that he fell for your blatant lie and aha he’s just being goofy :)))

there is something definitely up

jimin greeted him wAY too enthusiastically

“JIN-HYUUUUUUNG!!! hi”

“hi brat :)”

there’s a look that falters in jimin’s face for a sec because oh god maybe you told jin

and the teasing nickname of brat is actually meant for real this time

he’s really panicked right now

he’s helping jin get out the food he’s bought and jin’s ????

this is the first time you’re helping me out fill in the pantries and the fridge???? i’m a chef not a nurse are you like rUNNING A FEVER RIGHT NOW???????

he keeps his mouth shut

jin isn’t oblivious to how jimin purposely kept messing up in organizing food because you’re also included in this organization thing as you always were

and the closest jimin’s ever got to an interaction was you wordlessly picking things up that he was messing over

he literally put frozen baby carrots into a cabinet full of pasta just to invoke a reaction and jin’s just inwardly laughing and cringing at his attempts lmao he’s going too far in making a fool out of himself

and to see you just picking up the baby carrots and putting them in the freezer made him frown

aTLEAST laugh at him for goddness’ sake

please

pls

say something

make fun of me

raise your voice at me for putting yogurt in the spice rack y/n just please

and tHEN there’s no food left

it’s a free day after all and jimin can’t materialize shit about things he needs you to do with or for him just so he could squeeze out a word or two

but then you coop yourself up in your room and jimin’s kinda lost being by himself when you normally hung out around him like second nature

it’s time for dinner and jungkook’s already come home by then with his arms full and his first question was “where’s y/n???”

then jin answers him and kook was like cool.,.,.., if u need me i’ll be in y/n’s room

maybe jimin is truly indeed losing his mind with this silent treatment

why is jungkook in your bedroom and why is it so easy for him to go to you while he’s here chickening out

probably because jungkook isn’t the one who’s made a mistake towards you and may have caused a slight scene awhile ago

maybe it’s because jungkook was being down-to-earth and isn’t a fucking brat like he realized he was being one awhile ago

:(((

it’s dinner time now and only jungkook was the one who came down the staircase and joined them in the dining table

which felt weird because you’re not sat beside him :(((

jin isn’t surprised that you didn’t come down but kook’s fazed so hard rn

“she was just bundled in her comforter.,.,., not even bundled up while watching netflix or something.,.,.,. just bundled.,,.,., half-asleep and half-scrolling through her phone and then i pEAKED at her phone and her feed wasn’t bland and then there was this really funny tiktok but y/n didn’t giggle :(((“

“y/n didn’t pester me to do a try-on clothing haul of the things i bought :(((( i mean before if she asked me to do it i would say nO but now that she’s not asking i wANNA DO IT :((( where’s y/n?? who’s that girl upstairs?? what’s going on?? i miss her :((”

jungkook doesn’t know jack either but he does know that it may have something to with jimin and his mind, really.,.,,.,. jin and him are straight-up vibing rn if that’s the case

“yO are u being honest but in the same time guilt-tripping jimin or something because you fEEL like it’s his fault too?”

“THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN DOING!”

they’re communicating telepathically

they’re not psychic but the point is that they will surely talk about this the moment jimin leaves them and say their hunches about what probably happened on your grocery run

jimin meanwhile is absolutely being roasted in guilt because he atleast thought that you would open up the situation to jungkook because you were friends

and after all he came to your room alone and he’s not there to deny whatever you tell

but you’re closed off even to them and jimin just wants so badly to fix thishe sees the tray jin’s fixing up and he figures that it’s for you so he immediately jumps to his feet and grounds jin by the shoulders

“no nO i’ll take them to y/n, hyung.”

jin is more than happy to give the tray to jimin but somehow bummed ?? at the same time because this just confirms that something indeed happen

there’s a soft knock to your door and you don’t even answer because it’s never been locked this whole time

you wanna pop your head out from your comforter too since binge-watching how things are made but without boring commentary is really starting to make your eyes hurt

“koo?”wait you know those footsteps

they’re lighter and delicate even with house slippers on and-

“hi.”

jimin isn’t surprised that you thought he was jungkook but his pride is hurt though

not just because he isn’t the first person you’re looking for when someone comes into your roombut because you still refuse to meet his gaze

:((

he’s setting up the tray that doubled as an actual mini table on your bed and he’s trying to divert his thoughts as he did, opting to be silent instead

he made the conscious decision to not have the food you didn’t eat at lunch to be reheated for your dinner because he knows that there are unresolved issues still — and it happened to be over his pride and ramen

safe to say that you’re eating your dinner

even if he’s standing by the corner looking like a kid who’s put in time-out while he remains silent

nobody’s forced him to take your dinner up nor even stay in your room while you’re adamant on eating your dinner and not making any conversation with himbut he’s willing though

jimin is more than willing to try and make up for what he did

“i’m sorry.”

the thing is

jimin barely apologizes

even when he’s in the wrong most of the times and it’s a trait of him that he’s not exactly proud ofhe just feels so shy whenever he apologizes verbally and it’s almost humiliating

but sir that is the point because you’re in remorse which is why you’re apologizing sIR

but he does things in his own way and he incorporates apologies into his actions and rarely into words

which is also good

but this blatant display of him apologizing using his words and letting you know that he knows what he’s done

jimin doesn’t want you to applaud him for it (and you’re not going to) because apologizing is a thing he really should be doing in the first place!!!

“i knew i was — i knew i was being stubborn. a-and it’s totally unjustifiable because i judged seojoon’s place so quick and i didn’t even know what i was talking about!! i didn’t even give the ramen a chance!! i’m sorry too since i uhm, i let you pick the place and then i made you feel bad for picking it. which is just wrong, i know. w-well uh i’m also sorry since i was just being-...”

god he really hates this word

hates this word to a degree

but he knows it’s very much true as he proved awhile ago and he has to face it head-to-head

“a brat.”

he frowns over what he just said and he doesn’t see you raising a brow at him as you’ve been trying to pre-occupy yourself by eating the whole time

“and an asshole.”

he’s fiddling with his rings in worry because oh god he may be a little bIT scared to look back up at you

maybe you already dozed off??? maybe you’re still mad and you’re gonna kick him out of your room???? maybe you’re gonna qUIT???

he should accept his fate, really

he will never have an assistant as good as you because you’re the bEST and he means it

also jimin isn’t wearing contacts and this is not the same mistake of him wearing them in the plane so whY are his eyes dry to the point that they’re gonna dampen any second

actually it’s just emotion

“okay :)”

that’s the only things you say after fully digesting his apology and it makes him falter in the corner for a second

“oH so like okay we’re gonna be nORMAL again and you don’t hate me??? oR okay as in you agree that i’m an asshole??? i’m fine with either two i just need to clarify for sURE so i could apologize again, y’know?? if it’s the second part? actually what if-...”

you gotta admit

your heart’s thawing at the moment and it’s still a progress but seeing jimin so flustered and uncomposed is very unlike himself

he knows his standing and what he’s capable of and he acts like it

he’s professional when it comes to work and dedicates his entirety of himself to it

he knows his social cues (well uh most of the time) and reads the room every time just so he could adjust along with it

it’s not his intention every time to stand out but even without trying to, he is and always will because he’s jimin

the jimin you see in shoots who requests for another shot to be taken when he feels like he hasn’t done enough for a pose and shakes people’s hands that already leaves a good lasting impression on them, isn’t the one who’s in front of you right now

it’s jimin who’s timid and rambling and is actually being very humble as of the moment -- devoid of any makeup and in his pajamas and the one who took up the dinner for his personal assistant who was mad at him

“we have a long day tomorrow, jimin. get your hours in, hm?”

oh 

okay that means you’re okay

he really can’t help blushing jUST because of a certain pronoun

god he is a mess and a half 

but he is a mess and a half that hAS your forgiveness 

jimin’s shuffling out the door and says his good night in tiny caps!!!

since he’s very obedient and u know what,, this has been a tiring day for him so he’s just gonna take a shower and then fall asleep to the thought of you :))

lol jin and kook have jimin memorized by now so they’re just waiting for that particular click of the door aND THEY’RE ALREADY DASHING UP THE STAIRS AND INTO YOUR ROOM

....

“sooooo.,.,.,.”

??????

“this is the part where you tELL us what happened oh my gOD y/n”

they’re plopping down to your bed on either side and then you’re in this sandwich you can’t get out of

seokjin is very good at pressuring and jungkook is very good at nudging you repeatedly to the point that you have no choice but to tell what happened

they were so :D when you told them about the grocery part

“he is sO clueless it’s so adorable”

“jin-hyung i’m telling you we NEED to get jimin-hyung to the flea market please :((”

there can never be too much side comments

they’re treating you as a pay-per-view boxing match and you best believe that they are gonna be NOISY

“hOW DARE YOU GO TO THAT RAMEN PLACE WITHOUT US :((”

“lol hyung the two of us went there when y/n was in her day-off bUT HOW DARE YOU Y/N :(((”

but in the same time it was okay for them because jimin feels like family at this point and he’s kinda within your circle if you just crossed out the fact that he’s your multi-millionaire boss and the three of u are his employees

then you get to that part where you felt jimin was being too quiet

jin’s already shaking his head at that point because he knew one way or another to where this was going

kook has some hope that nO jimin-hyung isn’t gonna do that so he has his mouth hung open as he waits for you to continue on

“yAAAAA why do you have to be so sTUPID jimin????”

“why didn’t you tell us earlier?? we could’ve been mad at jimin wITH YOU!! you didn’t need to be alone at being mad!! i’m mad!!”

they totally get your standpoint and how it must’ve felt to be in your position awhile ago

“i would really fight with jimin right then and there-”

“hyung that’s because you’re old”

“i’m old aND i have ramen to eat and jimin’s being a hypocrite tHAT’S WHAT”

the two of them are really making it clear that they’re not gonna stop on talking and have probably forgotten that this is your room

they’re so fired up to notice that it’s your bed they’re messing up by tossing and turning

“well for me.,,.,, i think i would just eat my food because aha i paid for it aND for jimin’s order too. gonna ask here and there to what standard of good does he have and how different it actually is from that ramen place. especially if you take out the external and materialistic factors”

“real mature of you, jungkook. i’m-”

“but that’s just a front and i’m gonna cHEW HIM OUT IN THE CAR AND FIGHT WITH JIMIN BECAUSE HE WAS DISRESPECTING ME!! AND SEOJOON!! AND THE FOOD!! AND-

lol jin spoke too soon

there’s this inevitable question that’s hanging

of how any professional and unattached personal assistant wouldn’t be too hung-up over this and just call it a day

and to how they wouldn’t dwell over that and coop up in their room as they re-evaluate the fact that they’re probably falling for their boss and said boss has hurt their feelings

jin and kook choose not to delve in it

especially jin who’s concerned about you in the first place because he caught onto the fact early on that you and jimin have this sort of tension and ease of comfort at the same time

not to mention that jimin smelled of the linen spray he gifted you on your birthday

and he could never mistaken that scent for anything else besides your bed

not unless someone else sleeps in your bed

he kNEW

knew this whole time that jimin shared your bed that night and he connected it to the spider thing and then suddenly, it just wasn��t a theory that he concocted

he could’ve easily slept in one of the many guest rooms here

could’ve bunked with jungkook because his room was the closest to jimin’s

could’ve bunked with him because jimin knows jin has a diffuser that’s same as his in his room and it would make him asleep faster

but no :D

jimin still chose to knock on your door and stay in your room

because in jimin’s fight or flight response over a spider invading his room, it’s to go to you

:D

he is one step away from making one of those boards you can see in tv shows that connected you and jimin with pushpins and yarn just to let you both know thAT THE FEELINGS ARE MUTUAL

THEY ARE VERY MUCH MUTUAL

AND YOU’RE NOT ACTING ON IT AND HE ISN’T EITHER BECAUSE THE BOTH OF YOU ARE SCARED

the three of you probably must have been carried away talking for so long that you’ve all fallen asleep squished into your bed with you still in the middle

kook is fully latched to you and he’s hEAVY and jin has his back turned to you but with his legs resting on top of yours???? and you’re all knocked out to the point, especially you, that you didn’t even notice that whilst being in the middle, your comforter warmed eVERYTHING and everyone but you 

but it felt tOO lax

too lax that in your groggy half-asleep mind that you think you’re missing something ????

that all three of you are half-awake now and are just rolling around in the slightest and something jUST doesn’t feel right

wait

is that the door to your room opening

that is mOST definitely a phone clicking

was that a giggle

“yAAAA have some respect dhshhd wAIT JIMIN OH MY GOD OH MY GOD JIMIN WAKE UP WAKE UP WE SLEPT IN”

jin is flailing around like a fish out of water

he is moving more than the he caught within like eight seconds when he decided to try out fishing

you’re jostled awake because you’re laying closest to him and you sWEAR your soul must have been jostled too

kook was having it rough

he was.,.., in a defense position???? he’s,.,..,., taking cover??? 

lol alright jimin thinks that’s IT

“hush the three of u just kinda overslept”

jimin says sweetly while in the same time he’s kinda prying jungkook off of you hehehe and he could just disguise it as getting him to wake up

he has to admit that he was really endeared when he saw this sight of the three of you passed out asleep

he was very confused when he woke up and there still wasn’t breakfast or you explaining today’s flow and jungkook listening in behind the two of you

that’s weird,,,,,

then he peaked into each of your rooms expecting for it to be locked but to his surprise it wASN’T

he opened kook’s first and then it was empty and he completely blanked at that

j-jin????

he opened your room last and when the doorknob budged so easily he was about to pass out because wHY IS IT OPEN

and then he peaked and oH OMG UR ALL STILL ASLEEP

that’s no worries!! :D

jimin can handle all of this for the morning and he can even surprise the lot of you

ready-mix pancake batter?

aha easy but no :D he is looking to impress, not to burn

cereals?

aha no :D he is limited but his skills go far beyond than just adding milk ok

cup noodles bUT with mozzarella sticks that he can pop in the oven while he makes iced tea perhaps if water is too bland???

AHA YES :D

it’s beyond simple but he’s proud of himself ok

and it’s the thought that matters!!!

he’s even assured you that it’s all okay and no one’s gonna get fired!! not even close!!

you keep apologizing to him because you know today is supposed to be a busy one and you’re just gonna hOP into the shower and you’ll be out in five minutes and ur gonna be professional

“y/n jagi trust me!! i checked!! my call-time isn’t for another two hours!! you’re fINE. just go join jin-hyung and ggukie because i made breakfast :D”

“okay fine but jUST because you made breakfast :D”

[ and also u called me jagi and i am too soft for you and you can comfort me and my thought very endearingly so yes i wILL go down ]

jimin is so happy to see the three of you being genuinely excited ok

the two boys are SLIGHTLY taking a piss out of him but apart from that they are so so proud and are being absolutely candid

“jimin-hyung you didn’t forget to stir the iced tea this time oMG :((((

““you aCTUALLY closed the lid this time when you put in the hot water”

“bUT I’M SO PROUD OF YOU JIMIN OMG!!!!! you killed it with the mozzarella sticks”

“you EVEN sprinkled some uncooked noodles for that extra crunch omg i will hug u right now”

he’s actually blushing from all the praise

it doesn’t help either that you’re sitting beside him and are agreeing and even adding in your own quips!!

“it’s no big deal :D”

it is, in fact, a big deal

and jimin wants to stress that no matter how all of you are impressed with him right now, he wants to show that this should be a normal occurence too!!!the three of you are literally paid to make his life easier by doing tasks he can do himself and for that he is beyond grateful

but he wants to return his gratitude from time to time!!!he thinks letting you keep some from the PR packages is not enough

it’s jimin’s baby steps and the three of you are aware and you’re rooting for him

even if sometimes he might fall face-first but you’re always there

:)

you don’t want to be overly too cheesy

but you mean it

you really do

as much as jimin depended on you, you’ve probably also learned how to always look for and after him in everything that you do

he’s ultimately housed into your heart and god it’s too hard to try and pick him out of it

you could be in your day-off and trying to do an activity by yourself and your first thought would be “lol jimin would get so impatient with this”

you see a relatively luxury item? that’s jimin

u see a billboard of a brand in fashion week that he most definitely sat front row at? jimin

a dog you pass by on the street that looks like it most definitely something he would coo and try to pet?? PARK JIMIN

you don’t wanna take advantage of your position to enact your feelings

even if that is most certainly a vantage point

but you most definitely would do it if you were just sure that jimin liked you back

that he thought of you in the same way and you’re not only a mere PA he could always replace whenever he wanted to

distancing yourself is practically impossible

especially when you can’t distinguish the concept of mixed signals anymore from the actual fact that maybe

just maybe that he liked you too :(((

jimin’s kNOCKING on your door again at an ungodly hour and you’re opening it up

again

“is it another-“

you’re about to fully open your door because you’re highly sure that this is another spider and he’s not gonna put himself up with that situation EVER again

about to rub off the sleep in your eyes only to succumb back later again when he’s gonna lie beside you in your bed

but it was different this time

there’s sniffling and heavy tears

there’s jimin whose chest is heaving right now as he’s trying to compose himself

his heart feels ultimately heavy and even more so because it’s about to sink in that he just woke you up to hear out his problems he doesn’t think is too shallow to even be a problem; his whole mind foggy

“if my parents weren’t rich and i wasn’t the park jimin — do you think i’d still get to my level of success?”

he looks absolutely wretched and his voice sounds so pained

he’s about to turn on his heel because he feels so selfish for having you wake up for him but it’s not something-

“yes.”

you say without skipping a beat and you swear your heart clenches when jimin does a double-take over what you just said

your heart is absolutely hurting for him :((

you don’t even think when you pull him to you for an embrace and he’s completely breaking down by then, his face buried to the crook of your neck with his hands still in fists

jimin might have searched his name for the fun of it

but then one thing led to another and then he ended up reading threads in reddit and twitter and basically in any portal of social media

some are good and wholesome

but god there’s just some that were criticizing him and his wealthy background

some were too below the belt

and there’s this guttural feeling in his chest because what if he really is everything that these people point him out to be

he didn’t want for himself to be born into a well-off family and that’s out of his control

jimin so badly misses the time that he was still pretty fucking young and naive to the fact that he’s already had millions to his name even before he could speak his first words and crawl for the first time

and it’s the guilt that he carries with him

it’s how he tries to rid himself off the image that he’s nothing but wealth

he’s spiraled so hard into thought during the past hour that it hasn’t sinked into him that he’s been crying to you for almost equally as long

“i see you for you, jimin — i mean it.”

you’re rubbing circles in his back and it’s helping him calm down especially you talking to him because it grounds his mind

he’s kind of blubbering still but he’s listening to you intently and he’s resorted to staying still in your embrace

“you’re one of the greatest people i ever know and it’s not because you’re your parents’ son, okay? i see you for you.”

he’s all puffy from crying and you’re wiping at the extra tears that’s coming out with how he’s digesting your words and that earns him another kiss to his hairline because it truly calms him

you have one hand on his palm and jimin’s mindlessly playing with it as it distracts him from the heaviness on his chest and besides

you’re a really calming figure

you’d do anything right now to just ground jimin :((((

whatever it takes

“you can take off your makeup and your jewelry, jimin — i’d still love you the same.”

you mean it

you mean it vERY much

if the circumstances were different and they were lighter

you’d notice that you might have slipped up and basically confessed your love for himi

f the circumstances weren’t jimin crying to you at 2 in the morning from reading up to what some people think of him

he’d say the same to you

but it’s this

and jimin nods to your words and he’s tired and so are you

he lets you tuck him and squeeze his hand and listens to when you tell him that if he needs anything, he could just shake you awake and you’re gonna be there for him

and maybe even in the dark

jimin turns to face you at one point and you’re fast asleep and he’s getting to finally succumb to the rest that’s tugging on his veins

maybe even in the dark, he may have slotted his hand to fit yours

jimin’s holding your hand in the dark as he falls asleep

:D

he feels secure and goes to sleep secure and he wakes up secure

growing up, his security without a doubt was always ensured considering his background and well practically who he is

but that was a different type of security

it’s surface-level security such as what jungkook’s hired to do!!!!!

but you

you probably can’t tell but you are literally a walking safe place for jimin to which he feels immediately at home at

home is a broad term because it’s more of a feeling of belonging rather than a set location

and u know what

:D

home feels oddly specific to jimin nowadays

especially when he got two of his impacted wisdom teeth out under general anesthesia :D

he doesn’t hate going to the dentist’s office actually

who wouldn’t when the dentist he goes at is too pristine and there’s a flat-screen tv and the receptionist is actually nice!!!! and the doors were cool!!!! and the seats were spacious and loungy!!!!!

jimin only went like “.....cool” when the dentist said that he has four impacted wisdom teeth after seeing his x-ray

in fact he was a bit excited because omg i’ve never had an operation in my life ever wHAT must this feel like????

but then

u see

lmao dr. baekhyun kinda has a knack for joking and he nudges jimin at one point when he was explaining the operation

“yeah you’re gonna be under local anesthetic :D”

“that’s cool doc :D”

you’re catching on to what dr. baekhyun is saying because you’ve got your wisdom teeth taken out before aND HIS TONE IS JOKING

AND JIMIN DOESN’T KNOW IT YET

does jimin think that there’s an imported anesthetic and he’s being oh wow cool support local rn.,.,.,,.

and not realizing that-

“that means you’re gonna be awake for your operation :D”

“oh that’s — wAIT WHAT????”

dr. baekhyun is really taking a piss out of him omg he’s trying to keep a straight face right now and so are you

“what do you mEAN i’m gonna be awake for it doc????? that’s nOT what the movies say!!!”

“it’s almost gonna be pain-free, jimin. don’t-...”

“b-but aLMOST?? why do i need to be awake for it??? oh my gOD i watched that video of how they extract and i’m gonna be AWAKE when you drill into my jaw??? dr. baekhyun-“

jimin is blubbering

he is so near to tears

he’s turning into a big baby and his voice is wavering and oh my god that’s when dr. baekhyun and you cut it out

he is tEARING UP to the crook of your neck as you simultaneously try to stifle your laughter and run your hands through his hair

he’s pouting the whole moment you and dr. baekhyun take turns explaining

“aish, those movies. actually, most wisdom teeth extractions happen under local anesthetic. it’s most recommended if you’re just gonna have one to two wisdom teeth taken out at a time-“

“or generally if your wisdom teeth are not buried in too deep!!”

“what happens is — ok the dentist applies some lidocaine to the spot, and then it numbs, and then they’re gonna inject some stuff with a bIG-ASS SYRINGE!!!!”

“lmao y/n don’t scare jimin but aLSO!!! THAT’S TRUE!! but sometimes local anesthetic could be intravenous instead :D”

jimin is so conflicted wHY are you still explaining this to him and why did u play with him like that:(((

“but don’t worry!! point is, you’re not gonna be awake for it since your situation is a bit more difficult for local anesthesia :)”

.....that really made him sigh out of relief

but also he’s still a bit mad because wHY did you let dr. baekhyun joke with him like that and why did you join

if that was truly the case then yeet he will never get his wisdom teeth taken out

throughout the week you remind him to take the prescription meds that would have him prepped for his surgery

he is both excited and nervous

he’s bringing it up at every chance he gets

“carbonara..... ugh :(( oh well this is my last taste at carbonara before i get operated on and have my mouth bloody and my cheeks puffy for like a week or something :(((“

“chicken :(( oh yeah i can’t eat chicken and other oily things after my operation :(((“

“oh right :(( y/n can you put a toothbrush for toddlers in your grocery list? y’know,,, since i’m gonna have stitches and all :((“

jungkook was very nervous and concerned with jimin’s hype for this because omg he doesn’t know yet if his own wisdom teeth are impacted

and jimin did a word-per-word explanation of the procedure as per dr. baekhyun and boy is he so scared and nervous at the same time

jin on the other hand is very amused as to how he’s so pumped for a damn operation

“lol watch him mope for five days when all he could eat is soup and you and jungkook get to eat solids beside him”

but then the actual day of his operation came

and he is nervous ok

beyond nervous than he could ever admit

jimin is excited and nervous at the same time because he knows exactly what’s gonna happen to him but at the same time he wOULDN’T know that it’s happening to him

that’s terrifying

he’s so nervous about going alone into the room and the three of you are sending him eager waves as moral support ok yEET he’s coming back in for another hug

he may or may not be stalling

jimin hugs seokjin longer this time

jungkook hugs jimin tighter because omg he has all his respect like king u are gonna have your jaw basically cracked i’m rOOTING FOR YOU

he seems that he has no intention at letting you go so u have to move the both of yourselves to the room step by step while still keeping his embrace

dr. baekhyun is assuring him that it would be literally over before he knows it!!

jin is putting in his bet that it would be an irritable post-op jimin the moment he comes out of the operating room

jungkook bets that jimin would be v clingy and cuddly 

u are siding with neither bet because you know that jimin would be a handful either way

some hours passed and dr. baekhyun is going to the waiting area eagerly!!

“yAAA follow me!! most especially y/n!! jimin is thrashing looking around for you!!”

jin never walked with this much purpose

kook is so nervous because omg is jimin okay whY is he thrashing :((

ok maybe thrashing is a bit of an exaggeration

but there’s some truth to it actually

jimin’s cheeks are mad swollen!!!

there’s a nurse standing some distance away from him and the tag reads kai and kai looks so amused looking at the patient he’s had some trouble with the moment he woke up

by trouble he means jimin whining and flopping around like a goldfish and wON’T listen to sehun’s explanations nor get his assistance

jimin’s still sat on his chair with his arms crossed across his chest and it’s clear that he has a frown on even with his gauze-filled cheeks 

his ears perk up the moment the door slides open!!

“mMMMPFHH!!!”

in any other situation you would giggle with how he excalimed with so much ferocity but you just become concerned because his arms are outstretched for you

yes you’re now hugging a hazy post-op jimin

“the nurfse!!! kai!! he waFf trying to choke me :(((”

kook would jump at any second now but lmao everybody knows he’s not actually serious

kai was actually just trying to take off the bib around his neck but jimin fLIPPED omg he thought kai was gonna choke him :((

“my cheekTh :(( am i touching my cheekFs??”

jimin is very adamant in patting his cheeks aggressively and you have to catch his hands because that cAN’T be good for him

“yes jimin u are”

he’s panicking now because wHY can he not feel them??

he resorts to patting and smushing your own cheeks instead

:O

he is wooing out loud

dr. baekhyun is giving u a lil baggie of jimin’s wisdom teeth and u hAD to hide them real quick because jimin thought that he saw some food and that’s something he’s not exactly entitled to indulge in right now

kai is giving jin reminders besides the bond paper he’s already given

dietary reminders too and he’s practically chuckling because omg jimin’s gonna HATE this 

“he was out like a light during the whole thing but the moment he woke up?? he was crying because you weren’t in the room with him”

dr. baekhyun says as if jimin isn’t there beside u,,, clinging onto you,.,.,

you’re sure he is completely out of it and is totally not listening :D

“if jimin’s still bleeding by the second day, or if something’s just not right with his healing or if there’s too much pain, just give me a call, m’kay?”

ok wait actually

he’s listening

jimin’s tUGGING you by the collar of your shirt and u literally almost plank to the ground because a post-op jimin is stronger than necessary

“nOoOo!! don’tfh call him!! y/n wHY are u gonna call docfor baekhyun :(((”

“in case anything goes wrong with your hEALING,, jimin”

“wHAFtf no :(( just call mE!! ME!!! me notfd him :((”

dr. baekhyun really seems to be enjoying and at this point he kinda has to kick the lot of u out because the room needs to be disinfected and the next appointment he has is in an hour

“lol your boyfriend’s really the jealous type hUh”

“lmao nO dr. baekhyun jimin’s not my boyfriend!!”

he looks like a seal pursing his lips right now but he just absentmindedly hums as he gives u another baggie but this time with some gauze and cotton and the medicine he needs to take

jimin isn’t opposed to being carried right now and jungkook is most certainly not against carrying his hyung

in fact he is gLAD

he doesn’t mind at all carrying jimin who’s cOMPLAINING that he feels so light with how fast kook is walking so he’s slowing down to like five steps within five seconds

omg he hopes he isn’t making him dizzy :(((

he’s just gonna take long strides ok 

that way, jimin isn’t gonna notice!!!

also 

jimin is adamant that u hold his hand and jin with his other hand the wHOLE time jungkook is carrying him

u pull your hand out one time because it was getting clammy and u had to wipe it off and jimin almost threw a fit :(((

kook is driving and jin is in the front seat and you’re left at the back with jimin

he is still pouting and u can’t tell actually with how his cheeks are at the moment but there’s this crease in his brow you so badly want to kiss off

he feels fuzzy

ultimately fuzzy and soft at the same time 

he is in: pain

jimin softly places his head on your shoulder with an accompanying sound effect from his own mouth of course :)

“are you gonna take care of me?”

he is definitely less wild than he was back in the clinic but that doesn’t take away the same confusion and persistence in his voice though

you are convinced he is speaking in tiny text and that just adds up to the fact that he looks so mushy right now :((

“of course i am :)”

jimin kinda blanks at that

nods slowly even

he’s looking at your lap wistfully and just juts outs his bottom lip while sTILL tugging at your heartstrings with how he is now

“ok thank u :(((”

his scalp is getting scratched at gently and both normal and post-op jimin like that

the whole drive is smooth actually

with the music playing and jin and kook arguing in the background about whose bet won and in your humble opinion it’s a 50/50 bc he is Snarky with a capital S to the two of them but he is completely soft and pliable to you

just when u thought that jimin’s asleep with how quiet he is, once again is he shifting in his seat and upfront grabbing your arm to lace around him while he’s still laid on your shoulder :((

“loaf u”

you’re humming as you’re a bit lost to what jimin just said

“i loaf u”

????

jimin knocks out after he repeats loaf to you for like ten times and he’s basically lulled himself to sleep just by saying that

oh

OH

“i love you.”

you are not gonna squeak

u are nOT gonna cry

what you’re gonna do is TRY to keep your composure even if u know your cheeks are outrageously heated and your lip’s about to bust with how hard you’re biting down

jus gotta pretend that jimin isn’t lying down on you or that you’re never gonna hear the end of it if jin and kook just knew what happened right now

or that night when jimin slept beside you in your own bed

or that night before when jimin slept beside you in your own bed :)

he is in pain

in iMMENSE PAIN

jungkook carried him up to his room and even tucked him in!!

he got so worried bc jimin sometimes drools but instead of drool what if he just drools bLOOD???

right in these silk pillowcases? not in his watch

he’s putting his own dark-colored face towels on either side of jimin’s face because someone needs to take one for the team

he woke up all groggy and he was about to yawn bUT CHRIST NO

FUCK

THAT HURTS

JIMIN FORGOT THAT HE HAS STITCHES

he’s gonna appreciate it that it was a blue thread used and the stitches are dissolvable

but it’s hard to appreciate when even opening your mouth hURTS

he’s groaning and whining so bad

he is dialling your number in an instant because he can’t exactly call out for you, can he :D

he is so fatigued oh my god he’s gonna lay this one out

“hiiiii sleepyhead :D”

“hurts :(((”

right off the bat, you know

you already know that you’re gonna need to baby jimin perhaps this whole week 

foods that require sipping and sucking are absolutely not allowed

ramen is off the menu

anything spicy or served hot is a no-go

anything oily such as chicken and pork aren’t allowed either

leafy things such as kimchi is a no!!!

basically!!!

none

jin is trying his best to cheer up jimin with his cooking ok 

you and kook empathized with him by also eating room-temperature mushroom soup :D

that will be the only time though aha 

there’s two heating pads almost always on jimin’s face 

he is moping around in his pajamas and indulging in his button up silk pajama tops because slipping on shirts hurts ok

his schedule is basically free so that means the three of you are too!!

non-stop movie marathons

jimin is so bitter seeing the three of you eATING snacks and popcorn and everything else

the three of you made a rule after that if you’re gonna eat, just eat at the couch bEHIND jimin

accidentally the three of you came together to eat at the couch and jimin was ???????

“oh ok i see what happened there,.,,.”

a new rule was you can eat oNE AT A TIME

and if ur gonna eat something noisy such as chips, you gRAB ANOTHER CHAIR AND THEN SIT FAR BEHIND

he’s also learned to say the word please more

it’s not that he didn’t say it before

but now every sentence that he says has pls and thank u in it

“kook can you pls lift this box for me? y/n still won’t allow me to lift heavy things because dr. baekhyun said so-”

“not a problem jimin-hyung!!!”

“aha thank you :D”

“jin-hyung can u pls make me one of those yogurt smoothies? please? i’m not gonna try to use a straw i swear :(( please??”

“oh my god don’t worry u don’t even need to ask!! hOW many do you want??? two? three? thIRTY?? u know what i’m gonna send kook out to buy those baby biscuits that u could dissolve really easily you deserve a

snack :((”

“y/n my hand is really heavy right now can you hold it??”

:D

if jimin was affectionate then, he is mUCH more affectionate now

all these lingering touches and all these pet names :((

makes you think more and more if jimin remembered what he was saying when he was in that post-op haze

and honestly you don’t know which option was better

u are in panic whenever you think about the whole loaf thing

in the same time you’re excited and nervous because what if he didn’t mean what he was saying!! or what if he did know what he was saying but now that he’s okay, he regrets it and thinks it’s a mistake

kinda like u who’s sat on his bed because he asked if u could stay with him and play with his hair until he fell asleep 

:((

u absolutely don’t know what to do

YOU CAN’T SLEEP

all you’ve been doing is watching video after video doing thrift store hauls

u want that pan

that small polar bear-shaped pan meant for pancakes

it’s dysfunctional and it will be impossible to flip in theory

but you WANT it 

you ended up on tiktok watching eAsY recipes they’ve crammed to 15 seconds :D

you’ve lost track in how many links you’ve been texting jin :D

maybe u should tire yourself to fall asleep!!!!

how about u make dalgona right now

i mean it is mainly milk but it still has coffee so it’s a 60/40 chance that it’s gonna help you fall asleep????

u are gonna beat with your arm until it falls off :D

...

....

“..,.,, jin??”

“..,.., y/n??”

“why are yOU awake??”

“no why are YOU awake??”

the two of u could bicker for hours but it ended when it finally dawned on

jin that you’re awake and he is too and he’s holding his phone

oh god he’s been avoiding your messages

“so :D aha edible cookie dough?? :D”

jin is squinting his eyes at the microwave and he almost flips at you as he thinks this should be the answer to your request

“y/n it is two in the morning”

“ok what’s your point though :)”

he’s gonna stay silent because oh shit u did have a point there

there is no direct correlation with the time and giving in to making you your cravings and honestly? edible cookie dough sounds nice

he’ll probably have to make his own recipe because jin will NOT follow a 15-second tutorial in tiktok :D aha over his dead body :D

turned out that jin was only here because he got hungry from gaming straight for five hours and he’s in a bit of a loss streak so he just wanted to eat some comfort food

you blanked out when he asked why were you here

oh my god

yOU UNPACKED A LOT

jin is sitting in the bar stool next to you as you keep rambling on over what you’ve been feeling and the things that have been happening the past few weeks

he is really killing it with his expressions

:O

he is shocked but at the same time not

but hearing this from you himself and confirming some theories he had here and there rEALLY MAKES HIM :O

“oh baby :(((“

you’re crying at this point and yOU DON’T KNOW WHY EITHER

you’re just so confused and conflicted at the same time ok and u don’t know what to do

jin’s hugging you for moral support and he really does feel sorry for you

“ok ok just cry it out i’m gonna make the cookie dough now oKAY WAIT NO DON’T SQUEAL”

apparently your squeals can summon someone with the name of jeon jungkook :D

he explains quickly to nOT do that because he says that there’s literally a pattern

you squeal and jungkook must pop out at any second even if you’re out of reach

jungkook says huwah :O and then yOU literally drop everything that you’re doing just to see what’s happened and be a part of it

“thank god he’s asleep though”

seokjin mutters more to himself in relief because lol the edible cookie dough he’s gonna make in now four in the morning 

having to share it with u who could inhale comfort food in a second is enough

having another one who could inhale twice as much and twice as fast is nOT welcome

also he is doing really good with this recipe he just improvised

it smells so good that you lit rally stopped crying

why is a door opening

and why are there eager footsteps descending on the stairs

“hYUNG what is it why did y/n squeal? oH y/n omg you’re here too”

he is still groggy from sleep and his voice is really raspy and not to mention the fact that he was woken up by your squeal alone

jin is adamant in shielding the mixer with his body because no way is he going to add in to the batch

u didn’t get the note that the two of u are supposed to hide the cookie dough though so you pipe in at the very last second before kook notices your state that yes u indeed cried!!

“cookie dough!! edible cookie dough!! jin agreed to make it for me :D”

he is caught red-handed and kook has never felt this betrayed 

and he’s gonna take this betrayal as a silver lining now that the sleep is wearing off of him!!!

“woah omg i can’t wait to taste it :D”

seokjin has already lost this game even before it started so u know what he’s just gonna cook more flour and make a bigger batch for the tHREE of you

the barstools jimin has put here are honestly a hit because that way kook could probe you gently on why were you crying

judging by the way jin freezed too when he mentioned jimin’s name, kook even got more curious

and u trust him enough just like you do with jin

you’re gonna retell the story again with some interjections here and there from jin who you told this to like two hours ago and it’s more exciting that way because as you said, he is rEALLY killing it with the expressions

jungkook cannot stop gasping and at one point you had to hold his hand bc he is in a state of shock ok

all his side comments and reactions gave jin more leeway to rapidly freeze the cookie dough a bit since he’s still a bit offended that you said he could just follow the tiktok recipe and it wouldn’t make a difference!!

not true

jin puts the D in difference 

you’re just about to wrap up your whole story and jin’s taking out the dough and kook is half-distracted because he can clearly see the bag of chocolate chips that isn’t empty

DON’T BE SHY PUT SOME MORE

kook nods in earnest when you finish up and he’s gonna say what he thinks

but not before stating to you the fact that jimin is clearly in love with you!!!!

“do you want me to make you a cake that says we should get married so you could give it to jimin? i make-...”

“piss off jungkook wE ARE NOT THE SAME!! i’m gonna make that cake!! me!! not you u little-”

lol jin is really touchy with his job 

he is dearly protective and he will be the ONE and the ONLY

the cookie dough is heavenly

so heavenly

jungkook swears he has never ate something so divine and he has never wanted to contract salmonella before since he so badly wants to recreathe this for himself

he’s just gonna be good to jin and won’t get on his nerves so he could request another portion of this and not contract salmonella :))

time passed by so quickly and there were so many snacks made that u didn’t notice that the sun already rose and jimin’s going down the stairs with question marks floating around in his head

the two are QUICK to lie with the reasons to why you’re all up and deflect that you have been even before the sun peaked and it is surely connected to jimin

“hi hyung!! oh y/n just couldn’t sleep so that’s why she grabbed milk from the fridge!”

“and i heard the little ruckus so i came downstairs and then jungkook came down because he hear my door opening!”

“yeah and we all couldn’t sleep so we were just talking about things!!”

“global warming!! uH the new kitchen-aid jin wants!! normal things :D”

that is more information that jimin asked for

he literally just remarked “oOoH you’re all up early!!”

he is much better now since it’s been a little over a week and he’s recovering steadily

he’s on a solo errand today actually!! and jimin said that he wanted to go and meet up with his friends

you don’t have a clue to what him and taehyung and hoseok do in their time-off

probably rich people things like ordering a big bowl of caviar??

or maybe they just drive in convertibles all day and wear cool expensive shades 24/7

you’ve been jimin’s PA for like two years now and not once have you ever seen those two

it’s cool

you know almost everyone in jimin’s circle by now!!

even more-so now because you’re gonna school jin in this very party jimin’s throwing right now

you and kook have memorized his circle by now and it’s jin’s opportunity now since his job description doesn’t exactly entail that he’s gonna be glued to the hip to him to everywhere

this party is both intimidatingly high-end but in the same time actually entertaining

that’s rare nowadays hehe

it’s a party that’s been a long time coming now!! 

after all, jimin has bagged every award he possibly could in the back-to-back award shows that’s happened in this month alone

quite an awesome feat since the nature and fields of all award shows were different!! from being in countless lists in magazines as one of the most successful people to having the greatest selling power

to being hailed as the most influential endorser to being the most promising future leaders

he’s got it all

jimin literally got them all

he wasn’t even present to every award show he was nominated for and later won at

he was kinda unfazed

and that is boss shit as jungkook said in disbelief 

it explains this extravagant party and it’s also a celebration that aHA i’ve also got over this wisdom teeth scenario and u bet he’s gonna retell the details to the guests

it’s in a nightclub within a hotel

a lavish nightclub with in an even more lavish hotel and it was huge

so huge that there was a sWIMMING POOL!!!

a swimming pool!!! in a nightclub!!! in a hotel!!!

there was something for everybody in this party 

jimin got this idea when he was lying it bed after being so groggy after his surgery and was like wAIt what if i threw a party ya know

so he started planning!!!

he didn’t have to leave his bed when he hired an event planner over the phone nor laid out his course one by one

you only knew of this party a couple days later and you were a bit confused because??? wait at your past parties i dID the planning and u came to me first right?? :(((

ok you knew what jin was getting at

and he’s just :D aha it’s bc i want it to be a suprise for u and everyone ya know???

there is alcohol!! there is booze!! everything!! it ranges from cheap canned beer to expensive aged whiskey!!

also: there are meals in this party???

lasagna!!! chicken fingers!! hors d’ouevres!! dESSERT!!!

it’s a fusion of everything you could ever look for without being or looking overwhelming at all!! sure the lights are out and it’s a mixture of neon lights that are lighting up the whole room and there’s default party music playing bUT you could eat ice cream and it’s gonna look perfectly casual!!

jimin really did a great job doing this (mostly) by himself

you are so stunned :D

just yesterday jimin literally sent out the three of you with his credit card and he said nO QUESTIONS ASKED

everything that he did raised questions

“jimin wHY are you kicking us out and wHY are you giving us your credit card and yOUr car keys, without you???”

“yA calm down jagi-”

jin and kook try not to freeze in their spot

are they gonna pretend to be surprised or casual because uhhhhh jimin just called u jagi right in front of them and they think that he hasn’t realized it yet :)

“treat yourselves!! pick up what you wanna wear for the party tomorrow!! don’t skimp out this time pls because i’m gonna receive a notification for it and i wILL march down there if u do skimp :((( ok treat yourselves bYE :D”

you’re all confused and are very ʷʰᵃᵗ ʲᵘˢᵗ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿᵉᵈ

jin is talking to jimin on the phone while kook is driving and you can hear whining through the other line and jin’s very persistent sputters

ok u all had no choice

and it all landed to the three of you looking so divine in this party!!! surely they knew that oh my god yes u are indeed jimin’s entourage and u don’t need any introductions at this point

man all these compliments and gasps are really going straight to your ego :D

jin and kook were really persistent in interfering with the outfit u were gonna pick out and u had little say because they were so excited but u know what.,.,.,. they did an eXCELLENT job

you’re wearing a black lacy bodysuit!!! you were skeptical at first because whAT does this have to do with ur outfit??? it wasn’t see-through but it fit sOOOO nicely and jin was in the store with u to help because as he explained

there are different laces and he swears that he will strangle you if you pick a tacky one because it would ruin the whole outfit he and kook planned out

and then pants!! high-waisted fITTED BLACK SILK PANTS 

and then bOOM A VERY NICE BLACK SUIT JACKET 

and it wasn’t plain because tHERE’S GOLD EMBROIDERY ON THE BACK

really nice golden embroideries of flowers and some dragons and jungkook iMMEDIATELY screeched when he saw that there was a tiger flowers and was :O

“get it. get it. immediately. right now. get it. if you’re not gonna use jimin’s credit card. use mine. you want cash? here. after the party you hAVE to let me borrow this. please. pls.”

he even let you borrow his earrings and gOD WOW

YOU’RE ALSO WEARING THE NECKLACE JIMIN GAVE YOU!!

safe to say that you have stunned everyone :D

lit rally everyone and you felt so good wearing it too!!

jimin’s reaction was very heartwarming omg

he was frozen for five seconds and then after he was squealing and shrieking 

“jAGIIIIIIII you are so beautiful omg do you know that :(((”

he is really pushing the term of endearment and ur not complaining

the way that he’s so giddy about seeing you in your outfit and how he even tWIRLED you around!!!!

you’re positive that you’re gonna cry

jin looks dashing and people are literally swooning over him

some people were arguing about u know what how about u become my chef???

a blue button-up with a dash of gold on the side and there’s some jewels on the collar and there’s embellishments and then bOOM HE SUDDENLY HAS A DIAMOND CHOKER

it wasn’t really expensive tbh but god it could be a $3 chain and he’s still gonna make it look like it’s a thousand dollars!!!

jungkook had on a silky black inside shirt and a thread-like glittery combo for a suit and he sERVED!!!! he most certainly didn’t disappoint and people were turning their heads and were :O jimin are you sURE this is your bodyguard

you were enjoying yourself!!! so much!!!

you’re by yourself since jin explored by himself to get some lasagna because he is getting hungry ok

kook is near jimin but not so much because he wants him to enjoy himself but in the same time be safe but aLSO not feel like he’s kinda invading his fun personal bubble at the moment

jimin’s with taehyung and hoseok in their own booth and it’s very clear that they are catching attention because they are quite the attention-grabbing trio

so much beauty and not to mention so much money

you’ve barely talked to him the whole party because people keep whisking him away though :((

sometimes you forget that jimin is beyond famous because right at this moment, it’s sinking in again that everyone invited here has something to do with every field jimin’s ever been in

and that is a lot :D

half are personalities and celebrities and the other half are people behind the scenes and it’s just a mesh of basically everyone in the media and such

there’s a lot of really pretty people

so much so that ur a lil bit insecure :D

some female co-stars that jimin’s worked with left and right :D

sPEAKING OF

chaeyoung.,.,.,

chaeyoung who jimin had a massive crush on like two years ago from a luxury shoot and back then you didn’t used to mind because yOU HAVEN’T FALLEN FOR HIM YET 

however when u did start,,,

and she’s mentioned out of the blue or she’s in the same shoot coincidentially, you swear

you sWEAR your stomach does flips and there’s a monster in the name of jealousy that pops up :((

u can’t help it :(((

chaeyoung belonged to the same circle of elites jimin belonged to

not to mention that she’s famous and closer to jimin’s level than you ever could!!!

you’re not sure if jimin knows that she’s indeed here and most certainly you don’t know if he STILL has a crush on her

apparently you’re about to know now because you let your eyes linger around you again to see cHAEYOUNG!!! WALKING TO YOU!!! AT FULL SPEED!!!

aha :D

why :D

pls no why :D

u feel so intimidated you’re not gonna lie at aLL

she looks stern and looks so put-together and u are pretty sure she has no pores at all and her dress is more expensive than your paycheck for like six months could ever be :(((

“you’re his personal assistant, right? can you ask him to come meet me here?”

oh

you weren’t expecting that

you weren’t sure on what you were expecting in the first place at all but you are hecking sure that this was not it!!!

and by his you know it’s jimin 

and why

why :(((( 

you wanna play dumb so bad or atleast just do something,, ANYTHING,, that u don’t have to do what chaeyoung wants you to and is practically obliging u to because after all you aRE jimin’s PA

“sure.”

:)

oh god why are you doing this :((

you’re walking over to where jimin’s sat at and you are having second thoughts about this 

chaeyoung could walk to jimin herself like damn :/

maybe u could still back out

you peek behind you over your shoulder and she’s actually looking at you with a small smile taunting you as if what u think you’re doing miss gO do what i told you to do!!

jimin’s all snug in his booth and he looks a bit tipsy by now judging by the slight flush on his cheeks and how from here you can hear his giggles and they’re even more infectious when he’s drunk

you are just gonna pOp right there in the booth and the security that’s kinda sprawled around them lets you pass through easily because jungkook waved them off and he’s throwing you in a confused and a giddy smile

“jimin, chaeyoung wants you to go to her by the bar.”

say no baby

please

“chaeyoung?!!”

ok fuckie no

sAY SIKE 

jimin looks excited??? shocked even??? and you don’t know how to react either 

but you’re sure that there’s this monster again because he looks interested and it’s clearly piqued his attention :((

“jimin....???”

wait

oh right that is kIM TAEHYUNG

you hear him trail out with his eyes narrowed and you’re a bit dumbfounded because he’s uh injecting himself to the conversation 

also this was his your first ever interaction with him

hoseok pops in his head to your line of sight to make his being known

“hmmmmm,,.,.,, jimin???”

what is happening right now

the both of them are throwing looks to jimin and you’re genuinely confused as to why

they’re communicating with their eyes and it literally looks like it

jimin’s throwing you a skeptical look and he clears his throat and you’re fully giving in your attention!!! there’s just something that-

“mr. park, y/n. mr. park.”

...

oh

that’s,,,

that feels bad in your gut

it’s been years ever since you called jimin as mr. park

and it puts a bad taste on your mouth with the context that’s given because basically

taehyung and hoseok are so iffy about you and the idea of you, a personal assistant, call jimin by his first name

felt as if they were so repulsed with what you just called him and how you’re treating him so casually????

and to how, if you put it, jimin immediately switched from being a tipsy gentle being to a stern and authorative boss

“i don’t know why she called me jimin, actually. she could be a bit-...”

not to mention that jimin goes ahead and tattles of to how you’ve been lacking

right in front of you as he chats on to taehyung and hoseok while simultaneously getting up from his seat as he detaches little by little

you tuned out at that

your heart’s dropping from your chest and it does not feel good at all :((

jimin’s catching up to you because actually you’re leading him to chaeyoung since he didn’t know where she was and this was what you were supposed to do

you didn’t know you could walk this fast in heels but now you do

there’s a slight tug on your wrist and u had to snatch it real quick before it could ever tighten

“listen i just-...”

you suddenly feel so out of place and the fact that this certain scenario is happening doesn’t help at all

before jimin could ever finish though, chaeyoung’s already greeting him perkily and oh yeah she’s hugging him now

:)

just what you needed

someone literally whisks you away and when you look up it turned out that it was just jin

you could not be more thankful enough

there are definitely some tears pricking in your eyes aha

“there you are!! do you have your eyedrops with you? my contacts are getting dRY and-”

jin didn’t know who he was whisking you away from but he is sure that it was you who he’s grabbing by the arm and taking outside because of his eyedrop hunt

he’s a bit perplexed to see you all red-eyed and he has no words...???

maybe you’re the one who needs eyedrops??

“y/n are you-”

“nO NO NO i’m not crying :D”

nice save you got there

jin’s thoughts did a complete 180 and he’s frowning a bit in wondering what happened

“aww baby what happened??”

he gets lost even more because the moment he asked out loud, mORE tears come out and now he’s taking you in for a hug and his shirt’s getting all wet

the doors right behind the two of you burst open and it’s a confused-looking jungkook strolling behind it

he left because in the first place, the booth jimin was sitting at had enough security alone because hoseok and taehyung’s alone were already too much and nobody would really notice if he left

also he saw the whole chaeyoung approaching you thing unfold

not to mention that he heard every word of nonsense jimin was spewing and berating you right in front of his friends and he swears that his inner cheek is a bit bloodied from biting down so he wouldn’t explode on the older boy

“hey hEy how about we go to the rooftop, hm?? where there aren’t any people???”

jungkook is quick to suggest and jin immediately gets his point because anyone would get the wrong idea of why park jimin’s personal assistant is crying and is detached from him so yEAH why not!!!!

although there’s a hurdle because you’re still crying to jin’s shirt and it’s not really efficient to drag you to the elevator while you’re still face down right

“ok my turn!!!”

kook is really the problem-solver he loves that for him

he’s holding you upright by the arms and immediately presses you to his neck instead because you won’t stop!!!! and in this position not only would u not that tear up much to his very expensive suit jacket, but also!!! he gets to carry you efficiently to the elevator without breaking into a sweat because aha!!! your position is optimal for a snug carry!!!!

jin is rushing him and he’s looking to the elevator and behind the both of you to see if there’s anyone and if there were, there would surely be headlines to jimin’s name the very next day

the coast was clear!!

throughout the whole elevator ride, jin’s trying to coax out what happened from you and he’s just answered with sniffles :((

so tHEN he turns to kook and kook is trying his best to whisper out the summary of what happened, wITHOUT letting you hear what he was saying

and that’s hard because not only can you hear him, but also you can see his reflection right in the walls of the elevators

“later later shhh i’ll tell you laTER, hyung!!”

okay he may have said that a little too loudly and you kinda whimper

because you knew what jungkook was gonna tell jin and it’s a fresh dig at what happened all over again :(((

“i’m sorry i’m sorry dON’t cry y/n please :(((“ he’s bouncing you up and down like if you were to burp a baby and jin smacks him upright in the head

he may not be helping at carrying you right now but he dID make you stop crying and giggle instead for a bit so yes jin is essential like that

he even helps via adding the mMmph when kook’s plopping you down on one of the fluffy sofas by the pool

jin was gonna step in and try to get some more pillows from stealing the pillows from those individual chairs but he didn’t need that since you’re already contorting ur body to a lil ball of sadness

oh

“sO?????” kook throws a blank look to when jin left you and deemed that u weren’t gonna do anything in your position so he could go ask

“what do you mEAN so??? wHAT HAPPENED IDIOT”

“oH!!!! :O”

jungkook proceeds to tell what he’s witnessed in detail he even memorized the dialogue almost word per word and that jimin really painted you as a fool right in front of taehyung and hoseok

“this assistant — sometimes can’t realize that i’m her boss and not my equal.”

that was a low blow

that was sUCH a low blow that even jin winced and kook flailed with him as he reacted to the retelling of the story

“no way!! jimin said THAT?! i can’t-“

“THAT WASN’T THE END OF IT EITHER!!”

“i don’t know with this one, taehyung. this one’s probably in love with me so she’s chasing me around everywhere.”

????

no

no fucking way

so that’s why you can’t stop crying :((

you felt so ridiculed and belittled

embarrassed is too light of a word by now

you aren’t aware of how much time has passed that the three of you were hanging around in this deck for a balcony, one that you’ve been let into with no question because they knew you three and who you worked for, that both jin and jungkook are coaxing you into bringing you to your respective rooms

four rooms were booked for each of you and as jimin explained prior, it was because you’re all gonna be knackered from this party to the point no one would be in the capacity to drive home

yeah that came in handy now jungkook accepts your hand that’s holding on to his arm and you know that the both of them are looking at you in pity

u see this roofdeck is one of the many roofdecks in this whole hotel one that belonged to the floor you all were staying at

jin was just about to push one of the many doors and-

it was too quick

almost too quick but not too slow that you see a giggling jimin and chaeyoung jogging down the hallway that was adjacent to the glass that enclosed this deck

felt as if the whole scene was playing in your head in slow motion you hATED it

they stopped at one point when chaeyoung was tripping over her heels and jimin did a natural thing:

to swoop her from her feet and carry her bridal-style as they disappeared from your point of view

…

…..

“maybe they’re just gonna play scrabble!! uh ya let’s not jUMp into conclusions!!”

jungkook breaks the tensioned silence and instead of scolding him, jin just looks up at u to gauge your reaction

you look even more concerning now

because you have no reaction at all

the two of them absolutely don’t know what to say or how they’re gonna cope up with this whole thing and-

“i’m sleepy.”

kook almost jumps up at your voice because that’s the first time he’s heard you speak

jin tries to be as nonchalant as possible as he appeases your desire to completely pretend as if none of this happened and he has his hand on your back as he fishes for the keycards for the three of your rooms in his pocket

“here’s eyedrops, by the way. i have your brand in my other bag, though. do you want it? i could get it for you. hold on let me just-“

he forgot the eyedrops at this point

he’s a lil bit speechless because despite all of that

how come did you manage to still remember his eyedrops and worry about him instead of you who’s had atleast five different mental breakdowns from the last hour alone

you’re still putting other people before you regardless if they’re jimin or not kinda kills seokjin as you hurriedly go into your room and he can hear u rummage through bags just to give him his preferred brand of eyedrops :((

“are you guys hungry? i brought some snacks so we don’t have to buy it expensively from the minibar. do you-“

ok even this sight is tugging at jungkook’s heartstrings so he basically almost pounces and clamp his hand on your wrist

“no, no. no need, okay? j-just rest, y/n. don’t worry about us.”

so you did

you did rest

and then the day after that

kook was driving all of you home later into the noon when everyone was feeling less of their hangovers

you were only light with that part since there were more happenings into that night that made you sink

the drive back home was off

jin let you sit in the front seat so he could be stuck with jimin in the back because he’s figured that you’ve been through eNOUGH ok

uh jimin didn’t find that weird

what he found weird however was that everyone was a bit silent

yeah jin and kook were still talking to him and trying to keep up conversation but you weren’t

you just had your hands glued to your lap and that was it

he kept looking at the rear view mirror every five seconds to catch your gaze and uH jungkook was ???? what jimin what do u want

did he do something?

because he felt like he did something

u weren’t lingering around him when you all came down to eat at the breakfast buffet

you didn’t even fight him when he stole a waffle from your plate and he was almost ready to give it back because that should be your cue to fight him, right???

he has this particular order of coffee from the hotel you were staying at and now that he thinks about it, it was JIN !!! it was jin who gave it to him and not you!!

you know what

you may just be a bit spaced out because you’re still having a hang-over

:D it’s ok :D

jimin understands :D

even when you all come into the door and the event organizer rings the bell and delivers all the presents that he’s got for the night

and you don’t come down to open it with them

or when tomorrow is an off-day for all of you since he doesn’t have any gig and you come home to your flat and not stay at his house instead

jimin was a bit perplexed at that because you rarely ever came home during your off-days

he doesn’t know what to do with himself now that you came home and

he’s just loitering around the house

what is he supposed to do

:((

the next day? you called in sick

he became more worried then!!! you barely did that and sURE you do get sick a couple of times but with how selfless and dedicated you were, you still worked!!! you put a mask on it and drink your medicine and work!!!

and not that jimin was being selfish because he expected you to still do that

actually he’s all :) because your wellbeing should come first before him and he’s happy that you’re prioritizing that more now and allowing yourself to take a sick leave!!

but he can’t help thinking that you know.,.,.,

what if you weren’t sick and you were just avoiding him :((

he feels it in his GUT

he fends for himself for the day and it’s kinda overwhelming because things without you.,.,,. whew,.,. they r a mess

he realizes more than ever that you do so much and all he does is sit around in comfortable chairs and sip on some juice while doing his job and tHAT WAS IT

fuck jimin and his yearning for u so he just decided to text you the whole day

he gave updates about his day!!

[ i miss my seatmate in this breakfast nook :(( ]

[ hiii!! did you wake up already? jk’s driving me to set now ]

[ do you have a fever btw?? pls text me if you need anything ]

[ y/n!! they have your favorite snacks on the catering table!! hehe i’m bringing home some for you :D ]

[ not unless you have a sore throat then i will totally not feed u them ]

[ just wrapped up my shoot. it was quick ]

[ i saw a labrador in the street today!! ]

[ hi it’s time for dinner and u haven’t replied yet. are you okay?? are you over at the doctor’s?? ]

[ are we okay? ]

jimin went to sleep sad and uneasy that night

he felt really empty and hollow and his first thought was to get up and go to your room and knock on your door and-

oh

that’s right

you aren’t there

.... you aren’t there

he hastily rises from bed and just takes his phone with him and walks the way to your door

it’s exactly how you left it

without any second thoughts, jimin tucks himself to your bed

this eases him wordlessly and lessens the noise in his head 

because even if you aren’t here, this does remind him of you because after all this is your room 

and he sleeps

then sleeps

and he almost wishes that he should’ve done it continiously because he woke up to kook eating breakfast and when he asked for you, jungkook was just pouting

“oh. y/n didn’t come in yet.”

he didn’t receive a text from you saying that you were about to take another sick leave though

he is seriously deciding to come to your house at this very moment

jimin wants to bury himself in his pillows

but tHEN he hears a car pull up on his driveway and then the front door open and !!! 

IT’S YOU!! :D

he is too slow with his reactions because jungkook automatically leaps from his seat and attack you with a hug and jimin’s just standing by the breakfast nook still in shock

://// shouldn’t i be the one doing that :////

“oohMpHgHF hi to you too, koo”

he is still in the background about to intervene because jungkook is giving you too many kisses on the cheek but he already scrambles since he said that he was gonna go fetch jin from the backyard because he’s trying out planting some potatoes and gingers

he finally has you to himself!! 

although you walk over to him first than him doing the same so he just smiles and was about to-

“can i talk to you upstairs?”

:O

oh?

oHHHHHH????

jimin may be a tad bit confused but he doesn’t mind and immediately agrees

he thinks it’s because you wanna do something that you don’t want jin and kook seeing??? oh??

he hugs you the moment you lift your foot from the last step and he doesn’t remember the last time he hugged you!! he’s gonna squeeze you to oblivion and-

oh

your fists are in between your bodies while he’s hugging you tightly and that’s when jimin freezes in realization that something really was wrong as he pulled off from you slowly

he least expected that your hands aren’t around him but rather holding a piece of paper for him to take

your letter of resignation

a copy of it, rather

he takes it from your grasp and jimin outright gets chills in his body because this format is oddly familiar to him and god the moment he has his eyes glaze over to the confirming words to what he thought the paper was about in the first place

“what do you mean?”

he skims the paper again and back to your face and you’re not breaking into a smile and

“what do you mean you’re resigning?”

at this point he can’t bring himself to read the paper all over again because jimin can’t wrap his head around it

and most definitely, jimin refuses to accept it

you’ve thought long and hard about this throughout the free hours you had

you didn’t want to be drastic but god did you feel that you had no way out of this whole dilemma

it’s hard to keep up with the troubles in your heart and consciousness if you see the cause for it every single day

jimin completely trampled over you that day :((

every single thing and thought you did and had came back to you in the form of embarrassment and remorse 

you are completely willing to quit your job 

it wouldn’t be that bad, ya know?? you’re pretty known anyway being park jimin’s PA and job opportunities are probably gonna be bombarding you left and right!! right??

or maybe it would be the complete opposite and you just quit the greatest job you could ever have in your whole lifetime

you took this up to mr. and mrs. park’s personal assistant because after all, they were the ones who hired you and are paying you, not jimin

“greener pastures, mr. park.”

by now is jimin completely panicking

completely losing his mind and he’s starting to sputter and pace around little by little

“is this about the pay?? i-i can double what my parents give you monthly.”

did he-

did he just-

he’s striking point after point in the notepad in your mind and fuck u might actually cry with how you’re in so much disbelief

it’s not about the money at all!!!

it’s to what he did and how insensitive he became and how he doesn’t even think it’s worth apologizing for because at the moment, jimin thinks it’s about money!!!

money and material and not emotions and feelings!!

“jimin you are fucking insufferable.”

his mouth goes dry at that 

you’re looking at him with so much evident hurt that he felt like crumbling on the spot and he so badly wants to know what he’s done 

“why are you like this, jimin?? i don’t get to how you could be attached to me and sLEEP beside me in my bed and the moment you’re in your own rICH bubble with your rich as hell friends you’re immediately repulsed!!! it’s like you don’t even know me!!”

“a-and hOW you still didn’t stop berating me in front of taehyung and hoseok!! you completely made me a fool out of me just to appease them and you think that’s normal?? you tHINK it shouldn’t be worth apologizing for!!”

“y/n, you don’t get it, okay? i had to-”

“jimin you just can’t say you loaf -- you can’t say that you LOVE me after you get your damn wisdom teeth pulled! i don’t even know if you remember saying that but gOD i can’t stand it anymore! i can’t stand the fact that i love you and i think you love me and the next second that i feel we’re gonna be something more, you go with chaeyoung!! you take her to your hotel room and you cARRY her in your arms as if you don’t come to me crying when you’re sad! o-or as if you didn’t say that you love me and i-”

you are so heated

sO beyond heated :((

you had no parking words in mind and god you’re pretty sure you’re already tearing up by now aND fuck jungkook and jin could never be more confused to have you hurriedly bumping to them in your dash out the door

jimin has never felt this way

he never did

he probably never will with any other person

:((

you’ve found a new job!! :D

you gave yourself a week of doing absolutely nothing and also since you were avoiding the fact that what if you can’t find any other job that came close this

you landed on the first try though hehe

it was to be a personal assistant to min yoongi!!

yoongi who’s this top-notch model and renowned aLLLL over the fashion industry and has broken the internet many times with how powerful he is aha

he has a secret 

one that he’s made you sign a non-disclosure agreement for 

he’s actually producer suga and has been behind cOUNTLESS bops and no one even knew who he really is and that made the hype for him even tenfold

although he may have another secret you jUST can’t place it yet

“u know what mr. min i think u may have been a rapper in your past life”

“....... what makes you..... w-what makes you say that”

that was one of the first ever things you’ve said to him upon hiring you and he instantly knew that you were gonna click with him

he lets you call him yoongi!! or whatever nickname you could think of as long as it doesn’t sUCK

yoongi only has you, a PA, as secondary help

anything else, he does it himself

his schedule’s less damnding than j*min’s and he was generally more lax even if aha he is one of the most in-demand people as min yoongi the model and suga the producer and [ insert name ] for [ field u think he dabbles in but aren’t sure of ]

you aren’t a live-in PA for him

most days he calls you over at 8 am and a little early than what his calltime is

if he doesn’t need u, he just sends you home because he’s cool like that :D

you answer some e-mails and forward him the most important ones!!

you come with him mostly whenever he shops for groceries and yeah he likes having u around because u dO know your stuff

and u make some suggestions on what he should cook for dinner because he’s running out of ideas and when u recommend something you thought of at the top of your head (even tho it might be a lil stoopid), yoongi goes.,,.,,

“.. hmm. i didn’t think of that....”

meanwhile

jin and jungkook have been texting you updates about jimin

they were very :(( about your decision but ok,,, it’s cool they guess,,, this would be better for you,,, probably,,,,,

they miss you so much :((

you’ve agreed to allot about 98% of your time with them aS LONG AS you spend them outside and not within the threshold of jimin’s property 

they instantly agreed to that aha :D

[ day two: no one is allowed to sit on your seat and jin-hyung almost sat on it and jimin almost bawled to his cereal ]

[ day four: everything is a mess and i sWEAR i saw u as jimin’s lockscreen ]

[ day five: the new PA is here and idk whether jimin’s gonna choke him or not i rlly can’t tell ]

kim namjoon!!

he’s the new PA as to what jin and kook gossip to you

namjoon feels so foreign to jimin he actually can’t take it

the systems aren’t the same!!

namjoon is organized to the point that he just pops out exactly ten minutes before a certain doing and isn’t hanging around with jimin that much 

although when he does linger around jimin, jimin gets iRRITATED

he is so composed!! prim and proper and he hates it ok

namjoon doesn’t joke with him 

one time jimin accidentally tripped on his feet and he would’ve giggled too if namjoon did but this guy.,.,,. this guy literally just deadpanned

“you should probably double-tie your shoelaces, mr. park.”

inhal exhale inhALE eXHALE IN-

this guy!!! tHIS guy!!! yA he is getting on his nerves 

he’s too great at his job and it’s not that you aren’t great at it too

in fact u were excellent

but this namjoon guy is just tOO namjoon for his own sake that jimin’s making his name an adjective and a verb at this point

he’s probably gonna come around to him at some point

maybe so much so that he’ll let him drop off the mr. park title

it’s been a little over three weeks ever since you left

and that bit of time has been the saddest and emptiest he’s been in record time of his life

he’s never faltered in trying to reach out :((

he still texts you daily and tries out calling you once every night when he knows you’re about to sleep

he hasn’t heard from you in awhile and whenever he asks either jin or kook, they just shrug as if they’re clueless

news has come out that basically speculated you not being his PA anymore after he was spotted out several times that you weren’t there with him

he was pouting when he read those rumors that APPARENTLY you were seen out and about with this min yoongi and ur being linked as a girlfriend

he refuses to believe that

no jimin will never believe that :D

rumors are just rumors and besides maybe you were just being a social butterfly and u suddenly bUMPED to world-renowned min yoongi in the street and you were just walking beside each other at the same pace while coincidentially looking at him and making it seem that you were talking but actually not :)

park jimin refuses to be replaced by min yoongi :((

although it doesn’t help, really

doesn’t help when he learns that wait

hold on he needs to emphasize

MIN YOONGI IS INCLUDED IN THIS JOINT MODEL SHOOT HE’S ALSO IN

aha fate surely isn’t in his side

the most he’s cared about is that taehyung and hoseok were included in this shoot and although he’s not exactly too keen with them ever since the mr. park incident, he’s albeit a little thankful that there’s some sense of familiarity in this whole shoot

the shoot was for a very high-class watch brand and it’s to be done in both solos and some pairs and groups to stress enough that this is high-class ok

sure he still has his cool knowing that this yoongi is here although he can’t help but to feel a little bit intimidated

jungkook and namjoon are here with him so yeah it’s like cool 

jimin’s in one of the chairs in the massive communal prep room to get his hair and make-up done and oNE chair away from him is yoongi

god look at how he looks so lax scrolling on his phone while jimin keeps looking at him slyly every ten seconds

“mr. min and mr. park? the both of you are up.”

gr8 the two of them are paired up!!

yoongi catches jimin’s gaze and sends him a lil smile as he hops down from his chair

ok this yoongi guy is really polite it’s actually annoying because that gives him more reason to unlike him

yoongi stops by his chair and it’s oHHHHHH he’s waiting for jimin to hop out of his too so the both of them could go to set together

“hey man nice to meet you! i’m yoongi :]”

“aHA oHhHh so you’re yoongi! i’m jimin. nice to meet you too.”

oh damn he feels like crying

they shake hands for a bit and even pulls him in for a side bro hug and wait yoongi smells like cologne? damn

you see

yoongi knows about jimin too :))

you don’t know what it is with yoongi but you swear he’s immediately crawled himself to your heart just by a couple questions that weren’t invasive at all and then you’re suddenly opening up to him about the whole thing with jimin!!

this was at the fifth day mark when he decided to ask you and then suddenly it’s your boss who’s patting your back and saying words of enlightenment to you

and he brought you into this shoot :D

yoongi hasn’t made it known to you yet that uh jimin is here tho

all you know is that yoongi has his shoot here and that’s enough information for you to know as a PA

look at him!! all dressed-up snazzily with a watch more expensive than your life 

you found it adorable that yoongi can sometimes just be so stoic but when it comes to shoots like these he gets very in the zone 

if the director needs yoongi to be giggly and bubbly? he will be on with it

if the director needs yoongi to look both intimidating yet somehow a lil bit approachable like right now?? he will SERVE

yoongi was put on first for a solo and jimin was just called to prepare because they’re gonna do the pair shoot right after

jimin’s sitting down on a chair yet again as he watches yoongi work that watch :((

he’s not wearing his yet because it’s really expensive and although insured and it’s for a shoot and they’re gonna get some goodies from the brand anyway and it may be the watch they’re modelling, nobody wants him to trip and have it scratched

“yoongs can i have that?”

yoongi’s sat down on the nearest makeup chair for a touch-up and you can clearly see the key makeup artist that’s set on a hUUUUGE bag that’s opened midway and omg those are really good ones :((

he bows slightly at that and waits for her to leave so he could open the bag without seeming rude hehe

that is the SAME foundation you’ve been eyeing for awhile and have been seeing rave reviews about and u r pretty sure that is your shade

you sQUEAK 

“yoongs can i have that?”

“lemme borrow your powerbank and it’s a deal.”

you love this 

you are really loving this deal to the point u are already scrambling to go back to your tote bag on that stool that was provided for you

“yoongs can i have that?”

jimin freezes at that the moment his ears picked those words up it’s too familiar and it’s something he’s missed so dearly and- that’s you!!

jimin’s already scrambling to his feet and his own chair almost breaks at that but he doesn’t care because this is you!! this is you that he’s talking about and he’s not gonna waste any more chances that he has left

“okay! right on cue, mr. park! it’s time for your shoot with mr. min.”

he gets scurried over to the actual set and he keeps wriggling out because you’ll always be more important than any other thing

“no no you don’t understand!! it’s just that-”

“yOONGIIIIII here’s the powerbank i-”

oh

you didn’t expect that at all

that’s jimin standing next to yoongi who is equally as frozen as you

and even yoongi has his mouth parted open slightly as he watches this interaction unfold

that’s cool

that’s nice

that’s fire

neither of you move and it’s the shutter of the camera that brings everyone out of the trance

you are just gonna.,.,,, stand at your place

jimin is just gonna.,.,.,. model this watch

yoongi is just gonna.,.,, stay as a rock throughout this whole ordeal as he’s gonna feel out whether he should tease you about this later on or not now that he’s seeing you in the flesh, he doesn’t know what to do at all 

he’s thought of this for so long that now the opportunity is present, he doesn’t know at all on how to enact

he has a lot of things in his mind ok

first of all, he settles that he doesn’t have any pride and he doesn’t mind at this point because again, it is you

second, you don’t even need to ask him if you can have something like what you’re doing with yoongi now!!!

third, he is trembling

jimin’s doing this “pretending to unbutton my cuffs and therefore highlight my watch” pose to try and stable his hand for one bit

yoongi leans one elbow to jimin’s shoulder and they both do this smoulder thing

he is talking through his teeth in desperation because the director said for them to try out some smiles ya know

“yoongi please tell me you’re not dating y/n and if you are i respect that but pls know that i will nOT stop at anything to take her away from you”

:D

“lol i enjoy her company and we aren’t dating but she, however, is mY personal assistant”

:D

that’s a big thorn out of his chest but it’s still somehow a dilemma because although you’re still a PA, it’s just not for him :((

and finally the shoot wraps and jimin is scurrying the moment it was called out that they’re done 

the first thing u do is scurry behind yoongi and hand him his tissues from behind and god he is the one adjusting

yoongi is getting caught in the middle of the two of you and he doesn’t know if he’s happy being in the literal center of attention or annoyed because you’re using him as a human shield without even being sly about it

“y/n, please. just give me-”

he is getting jostled in the middle and he’s even more intimidating than

jimin when he gets all shaken around 

“yA YA YA STOP IT!!”

he has only met jimin once and he already knows enough that he’s a handful

he’s eVEN playing mediator at this one

yoongi sighs as he reaches his verdict and pulls you by your arm because you’re behind him and just carefully, he leans down to whisper by your ear and makes sURE to look at jimin because lmao he deserved that

“five minutes. i’m giving you five minutes that you can spend before you go out to the garage and it’s up to yOU on how and with whom you’re gonna spend those five minutes with.”

damn 

yoongi’s already leaving you with no choice and he even yanks out the tote bag in your shoulder but not before fishing out his hydroflask that you bought him as he takes a hefty sip and even gets to wave at you and wink at jimin

jimin is in disbelief goddamn how dARE this yoongi :O

why does he have his own hydroflask

why does he 

that’s a y/n and jimin thing!! not a y/n and yoongi thing!!

the most you do is let jimin guide you to atleast a private place because

you don’t want to be dragged in to rumors by staff members who could tattle on what they see

you’re so antsy with this and jimin is beyond nervous

fuck ok how does he do this

“y/n, i-...”

“jimin, i can’t talk to you.”

oh okay he gets shot down before he could get a sentence in his eyes immediately bulge as he tries to appeal but not before you interrupt him again

“.. right now.”

he may or may not have hope here

you can’t avoid jimin forever and as much as you want to hear his voice, you really can’t because not only are you not ready, but also because-

“yoongi has another shoot today, and i have to go.”jimin’s eyes gloss at 

that and a whine bubbles in his throat because who knows when and where he’s gonna see you again and if you’d even let him to

he’s trying to paw at you and take a step closer but you’re already walking away

:((

jimin knows more than better now the gravity of what he’s done to you and how stupid and how much of an asshole he was on his part

knows more than better that he indeed loves you and that he shouldn’t give up no matter how much you turn him down

he misses you so much these days

he projects your face to namjoon’s body in his mind and that’s good

enough for him to not be irked he’s unknowingly picked up all your mannerisms and he hasn’t even noticed 

god does he miss you so much :((

misses you so much that he’s found himself driving to that ramen place with the intention of eating what he should’ve eaten when you took him there

yes he’s gonna wallow in self-loathing later on because he’s gonna reminisce about what he did and what happened here the last time but it’s worth it he thinks :D

what he didn’t expect however was to see it more packed than usual and isn’t that -- 

jungkook?? and jin?? 

seokjin is outright choking on his dumplings and jungkook is giggling with the boiled egg in his mouth as he repeatedly pUNCHES his back and truthfully he doesn’t know if it would help but eh it’s the thought that counts 

jin is on his break which is why he doesn’t feel pressured at all, but what he does have pressure for is elbowing jungkook to look up at jimin and this time he chokes on his boiled egg

“jungkook.,.,., you said that you were gonna take a leave,.,,,. because you had an important family business to attend to.,.,.”

“ʸᵉˢ ʲᶦᵐᶦⁿ⁻ʰʸᵘⁿᵍ.,.,,. this is an important family business.,.,,.,”

...

this guy

god tHIS guy he swears..,.,,

before he could even wack jungkook in the head, he gets interrupted once more and this time it’s a welcome interruption and not just the sounds of jungkook choking on iced tea this time

“i got more dumplings!!! seojoon gave us more soup!!! oKAY OKAY make some room-”

“jimin?”

you might as well get bonked in the head now 

seojoon’s place is closing down and this is the last time you’d ever get to eat meals here :((

it’s the reason to why you and jin and kook decided to assemble as quICK as seojoon made a groupchat for the four of you to deliver the news :(((

he’s moving to another place to open a bigger and better that ramen place there but he can’t keep up two of them at the moment so he’s decided to let go :((

it’s the reason to why you certainly aren’t gonna leave, noah fence, just because of jimin 

this closing is just on par with his presence 

jin and kook are just now realizing the dilemma and they swear they’re gonna choke on tempura with how they’re both in anticipation and curiosity as to what would happen

jin’s letting you sit beside him now but later he’s gonna push you to jimin at full-speed if the both of you don’t talk it out now

“as long as your food isn’t finished — i-i get to talk and hopefully you listen.”

:(

...

“okay.”

the booth...

the booth isn’t all that spacious

jin and jungkook are clearly not reading the room and if they were, they’re pretending not to because they aren’t gonna sacrifice seojoon’s last dishes that they’re gonna taste for the time being just so the both of you could make up lol

ok think think tHINK

that’s it!!

jimin’s pulling out his phone and is calling you and he’s throwing you a thumbs-up before he scrambles outside

it’s really cold outside and his hoodie just isn’t cutting it but it’s whatever :)) it’s you

“i didn’t remember saying that i loved you.”

ok that is qUITE the intro and now you’re the one who’s choking on your ramen

“and i hate that i don’t remember it because of the anesthesia; but believe me when i say that i do love you -- under anesthesia or not.”

“i’m truly truly sorry that i treated you so badly in front of taehyung and hoseok. i, uh, i was too prideful when i was with them and i felt like i always need to prove myself to them and y’know what?? i don’t need to prove myself to them!! a-and y’know what? i told them off! and i told them about how we are and how one’s disposition shouldn’t be the determining factor on how they treat people!!”

jimin kinda looks like a madman with how there’s so much passion in his voice and how he even has accompanying gestures even if you aren’t outside to witness it personally

“they apologized and i told them that they need to apologize to you a-and just give me a date and a time if you’re ready to hear them out bUT you know??? this isn’t about them for the meantime it’s about me apologizing!!”

“i want you to know a-and y/n please i swear on everything, chaeyoung and i -- nothing happened. she was drunk and she wanted me and i politely told her no!! countless of times!! she was starting to make a scene so i just agreed to take her upstairs to my room bUT it’s to lock her there!! oKAY i know that doesn’t sound very nice but-”

“i kept telling her about you and how i do love you but she kept clinging on and forcing herself on me!! a-and i was about to call kook but i didn’t see him so i called hotel security and i didn’t see you too and thEN right after i completely cut ties with her!!”

“i get it if -- i get it if you don’t want to forgive me though because i’ve hurt you so badly and i have to suck it up nonetheless but i need you to know that i love you a-and i’ve never loved someone eVER this much before and i’ve never been so sure.”

...

...

“come inside, jimin. eat dinner with me.”

:D

there’s a learning curve that both of you have to go through you’ve made it very clear that you aren’t gonna quit as yoongi’s PA with much frowns from jimin but aight ok he’s gonna try and understand because you do love working with yoongi and with his schedule, you aren’t chained to work almost 24/7

namjoon and jimin are slowly but surely warming up to each other as you dropped by briefly when it was your off-day and you instantly hit it off with him

jimin’s huffy because you are really something else and he doesn’t come close

he really kills it with apologizing and changing for the better!! likes to spoil you with gifts all of a sudden and you always point out to him that they r very unnecessary and he kNOWS that but he just wants to shower you with things and his love that’s all :)

he makes it up beyond words and beyond actions and for a fact he is also proud of himself like you are with him because it’s rare!! that someone of his status would strip his pride just to have someone’s full forgiveness

jimin however never stops being whiny and needy aha

like to how he has his hands covering your eyes and you keep asking him on wHAT he’s doing and where he’s taking you and at one point, he keeps one hand on both your eyes and one covering your mouth and that earns him a lick and he isn’t even bOTHERED

“okay okAY calm down jagi we’re here!!!!”

“one.”

“jimin if this is a horror movie i will really replace you with yoongi”

“nO and two.”

“fuck this is really making me nervous omg i think i need to pee oh my g od jimin pls i-“

“three.”

wait

this is-

“that ramen place. this is now your ramen place. our ramen place, if you want.”

oh my god

oH MY GOD

you see

jimin’s been talking back and forth with seojoon unbeknownst to you, he’s been helping with all this process of seojoon opening up his new ramen place in the city proper and it’s all expensive and kinda tricky

without even doubting, jimin’s paid for most of his requirements and needs overnight and seojoon was like yOU BARELY EVEN KNOW ME

and jimin explained that it was because easily the best meal he’s ever had in his life and even better than those restaurants he goes to and seojoon was aha :D really :D

and then jimin casually slid in the conversation about that ramen place that seojoon decided to close down and one thing led to another and here it is

again :D

seojoon’s entrusted that place to jimin and he’s his first official shareholder (and probably the only one he’s ever gonna have bc he trusts no one else besides jimin because no one else is probably as genuine as him) and this could be considered as a franchise!!!

the permits are all taken care of and the head chef seojoon’s gonna be trusting and jimin’s thinking of? seokjin :D although he’s gonna propose the offer later (spoiler alert: jin cried and said yES)

the spot is all empty and it’s nothing that some furniture and flooring and jimin’s wallet can’t fix

but it is this

jimin’s too busy explaining the process that he doesn’t notice you being absolutely awed and even cRYING :(((

before he knows it, you are actively leaping at him and he easily catches you as he hooks his hands under your bum to secure you into place jimin’s on the receiving end of a rather desperate deep kiss and he giggles to how you even won’t let go of him and how your grip tightens even more

“i love you.”

he is all so loved up right now that he feels like he’s gonna cry and moan at the same time as he returns the favor of nipping at your bottom lip

“i love you too.”

your fingers are most definitely getting tangled in his hair and when you and jimin practically shudders when you give it a little tug

“if buying restaurants is what it takes for me to taste your kisses and then pOSSIBLY get laid then fucking hell i’m gonna buy you one everyday

bELIEVE ME”

“you’re insufferable”

hehe

“i know :))”

jimin’s letting you catch your breath for the meantime, his hands still securing you against him as he peppers kisses to your cheek very eagerly 

“especially spoiled for you though.”

[pynkhues]

So i sent a similar ask to megan because i love peoples thoughts on their own fics and i love snippets soooooo👀 I’m curious what your top five moments in the c&c verse are (which have already happened) and top 5 moments you’re looking forward too?!☺️

Ahhh, thank you! This was such a fun one, haha. It got looooong, so I put it behind a cut! [edit: sorry, the cut doesn’t seem to be working on desktop, but it is on phone? tumblr’s being tumblr! Hopefully it fixes soon?].

Top Five Moments in C&C

1. Annie argues with Beth about the security system in I Could Be Your Welcome. 

This was actually one of the first moments I wrote in the C&C ‘verse. I can’t remember the exact context around me writing it, but I remember being interested in Beth’s lack of self-preservation / tendency to ignore danger, and had been thinking a lot about what that would look like in an actual relationship with Rio. It sort of manifested in the thread of Rio buying this expensive security system throughout I Could Be Your Welcome and becomes a bit symbolic of the fact that Beth hasn’t really unpacked any of the realities at that point on what a relationship with a man like Rio means. 

Beth is such a stubborn character at the best of times, haha, that I knew I wanted her to dig her heels in on it, and I wanted it to culminate in a fight, and I just loved the idea of Annie being the unlikely voice of reason, and how that reason fell out of how much she loves and worries about Beth. 

Here’s my favourite part: 

-

“Yeah, and you need to talk to him about that. But he’s not Dean,” Annie interrupts. “Dean lied for Dean. Dean lied to cover up all the ways he shit the bed, and he shit the bed on like, every level. Comforter, sheets, mattress protector, mattress. Bed frame. Floor underneath. I mean, was there a single inch of your marital bed that wasn’t brown by the end of it all?”

Beth gives Annie a look at that, and Annie laughs to herself, waving soapy arms out and letting the suds drift to the floor.

“With Rio, I think he was - -” and her voice cracks then, her bottom lip wobbling, and she looks briefly away, trying to pull herself together. It takes her a minute to collect herself, to figure out what it is that she wants to say, and when she does, her voice is somehow both raw and firm.

“You’re asking me to be mad that he’s trying to keep you safe, and that’s never going to be something that makes me mad.”

It takes Annie a moment to meet her gaze again, and when she does, her jaw is fixed, even as her lip still wobbles, a tear – blackened with mascara – having stolen down her cheek, catching at the curve of her nose, and - -

And just - -

Dammit.

2. Rio realising why Jane’s upset in Two Hands. 

One of the things I find most fun in writing the early days of the C&C ‘verse, is that Beth and Rio flat out do not communicate still, hahaha, and they really just threw themselves into this family without fully knowing what that meant. 

Two Hands was very much about that, and in particular about the fact that Rio, in the early days of their relationship, treated Beth’s kids ultimately as extensions of Beth. Two Hands for me marks this turning point in the timeline where he started to really think of each of them as their own people, and consciously commits to building individual relationships with each of them. 

Also I love writing Jane, haha. Here’s my fave bit: 

- 

“It’s not always like this,” he says, and Jane looks up at him, and there are too many expressions that pass over her round little face – disbelief and childish frustration until it finally settles on somethin’ else, somethin’ softer, less certain, somethin’ he ain’t seen on her face, at least not somethin’ he’s seen directed at him.  

“You didn’t say bye,” she says finally, her voice small, and Rio exhales, annoyed. 

“I did, darlin’,” because he did. Shit, got to fight about it with Elizabeth and leave Marcus red faced and weepy, made sure of that, but then - -  

He looks at Jane and any self-righteousness dies on his tongue.

“Not to you though, huh?” he says softly, and Jane shuffles back into his arm, presses her forehead into his chest, out of sight, the nozzle of the sippy cup sucked into her mouth like a bottle, keeps herself looking away from him, and Rio exhales. He looks down at his bruised hands, then at her feet, where the booties of her onesie hang limply down the side of the couch, her feet lost somewhere in the legs of the thing, the hood of it hangin’ so far down her face it almost covers her eyes, and he reaches up to tug it back, just enough he can see her.  

“’m sorry. Think maybe I’m still gettin’ used to this,” he says, because he hadn’t said goodbye to any of Elizabeth’s kids. Had trusted her to do it for him, had treated them like they were just a part of her, but - -

They ain’t.

They’re - -

Well.

Fuck.

Jane looks up at him, her eyes a little glassy and just - - he ain’t sure what that is, the feelin’ in his gut, hollowing itself out. “Can you be the first one I say hey to instead?”  

She makes a show of turnin’ it over, her squirming against his chest and drinkin’ that goddamn awful drink he’s made her, but then she nods, and Rio tugs on one of her rabbit ears.  

“Hey, Jane,” he says quietly. “You been good for your mama while I been gone?”  

And she grins a little at that, shakes her head into his chest again, giggling before she can stop herself, and Rio smiles too, but rolls his eyes.  

3. Rio’s non-proposal in Stick to the Rivers 

I’m weirdly into the thought of Dean getting married a million times after he and Beth finally divorce. I think Dean’s just affable and charming and goofy enough to trick women into thinking he’s a good guy, and I kind of love the idea that it results in this string of short-term disaster relationships that parallel to the longterm stability and true partnership Beth finds with Rio in C&C. 

It’s something I’m definitely going to be exploring in future chapters, but it was really fun to start to in Stick to the Rivers, where Dean tells the kids he’s engaged and Beth and Rio are left to deal with the fallout. I also love the idea of Beth and Rio floating concepts with each other as jokes, even when they mean them seriously, haha, which is how this moment happened: 

-

“Thought you ain’t sayin’ nothin’,” Beth says, imitating his voice, and Rio exhales sharply, squinting down at her in that irritated way that he does whenever she imitates him.

“I ain’t,” he says, gritting his teeth, and Beth arches an eyebrow up at him. “But that dumbass ex o’ yours - - ”

“Is getting married,” Beth replies, refocusing her gaze on the ceiling, and at least that’s enough to make Rio be quiet. It was a dirty trick, and she thinks they both know it, but still - - she just didn’t have it in her for Rio to tell her what she already knew, to have to justify (again) her inaction when it came to Dean.

Rio sighs above her, and she can feel him trying to catch her gaze, but she keeps it fixed steadily on the ceiling, briefly wishing for cracks or cobwebs or anything beyond the pristine surface there to distract herself, only something must distract her, because she doesn’t realise Rio’s undressed or even moved at all until he’s nudging her forwards and slipping into the bath behind her. He pulls her gently back against his chest.

“You’re surprised,” she tells him softly, letting her head loll back onto Rio’s shoulder, her eyes slip shut, feeling his hands stroke down her arms, one coming back up to cup her breast.

“Surprised he managed to trick another woman into gettin’ saddled with his ass, sure,” he replies easily, and Beth huffs out a laugh, beyond the point of being offended by anything Rio says about her and Dean’s marriage.

“You wanna beat him down the aisle?”

And just - - what?

Beth’s eyes snap back open, and she spins a little in the water to look at him, and it’s unfair, the mirth in his eyes, but also the - - something. She can’t quite read it, god, still can’t quite ever know him fluently, so she just squints at him.  

4. The whole of Louder Now, Help Me Out 

We’re extremely lucky in this fandom to have so many writers who are genuinely SO funny (including you!!), and I am not one of them, hahaha. I always feel like I tend to be a bit clunky when I try to write jokes, but occasionally I think I pull it off, and the installment where Marcus, Jane and Emma ask Beth about sex is one I’m pretty proud of. It still makes me grin when I read it, haha. 

-

“Miss Elizabeth, do you and my daddy have sex?”

Somewhere inside, Beth can hear Kenny and Danny playing video games, can hear lunch gently simmering in the crockpot, can hear the faintest whir of the washing machine working through its cycle. Which is nice, she thinks blankly, her smile not shifting as she tries to process what Marcus has just said to her. She can’t quite look at Ruby, who even out of the corner of her eye she can see has her mouth hanging open, and she definitely can’t look at Annie, even if she does see her drop heavily back down into her chair (doesn’t even have to know for sure to know that she’s grinning).

Beth clears her throat, softening her gaze.

“Who told you that?” she asks, and beside him, Jane shrugs, a suspicious look on her face.

“Lucas Bircher. He said he saw his daddy naked and he put his penis inside his mommy’s butt and then his daddy told him that that was sex and it was how they made babies.”

“Not if it’s in her butt,” Ruby says quietly, taking a sip of her coffee when Beth spins around to glare at her. She drops her mouth open, planning to tell the kids what, she’s not sure, when Jane continues:

“But then we asked Kenny, and Kenny said growed-ups have sex because it’s fun and that you and Mr Rio do it all the time.”

5. Beth finds Rio with Marcus comes home after a bad job in Friar’s Lantern. 

Angst though is something I think I write well, haha, and particularly crime-y angst. Friar’s Lantern is a story I was really excited to write, particularly in exploring the dynamic between Beth and Marcus, and the history of Rio and Laura. I liked the idea that Rio and Laura care about each other deeply, but that she was never in crime, and that she hit a breaking point with it in a way that made her really demand that Rio hide a part of himself from her. 

In a lot of ways, Friar’s Lantern was about Beth doing the opposite, and demanding that he share himself instead. I wanted to parallel the moment a bit with the dubby too – with parenthood being central to both Beth and Rio’s vulnerabilities and something that has often lead to shifts in their dynamic – so Marcus’ teddy bear formed a really fun device in that sense. Also the image of a bloodied and bruised Rio bringing his son his stuffed animal was just the right sort of angst for me that day, hahaha.

-

His eyebrow split open, blood trickling from the skin there, down his temple. It looks like he’s swiped it back, once, twice, maybe three times, the blood smeared and dried, caking in his hair. There’s a deep bruise at his jaw, a deep, wide cut at his lip, like he was punched by somebody wearing a ring, and Beth’s gaze travels down him, only to have to swallow a gasp at the blood soaking through his shirt.

He watches her watch him, then says:

“Not all of its mine,” like it’s supposed to make her feel any better about it, and she hates that it does, because god, it’s selfish. She doesn’t want any of it to be his. It can all be the other guy’s. She wants it to be. She can’t summon the words to say anything – barely knows what to, and Rio suddenly jerks his head away from her, looking back at Marcus, and Beth exhales a breath she didn’t know she was holding to have his wounds out of sight again, however briefly.

“I won’t be long,” he says, eyes still on Marcus. “Just droppin’ Otis off, yeah?”

And - - what? Beth blinks, steps closer before she can help herself.  

“Where are you going?” she asks, and Rio doesn’t pull his eyes away from Marcus, and Beth just - - stops. A foot or so away from him, and here she can see the blood’s thickest at the arm of his shirt, darkening the navy fabric, and it still looks wet, like maybe it’s still bleeding.

“Got a hotel.”

Beth tears her gaze away from his arm at that, looks up at him, watches him watch Marcus, and god, his jaw is already swelling.

“Why?”

And that’s enough to make him look back at her. Beth wets her lips, feels herself tremble, steps forward again, and when she touches his arm he flinches back like he’s been burned.

Top Five Moments I’m Looking Forward to in C&C

1. Finally writing the housewarming in See You in the Light. There will be drama! Beth will try to run away! Rio might break something! (And we all know how that usually ends, hahaha).

2. Beth and Rio getting married. I never, ever thought I’d write them getting married in any ‘verse, but once I realised the plot for it, it’s been stuck in my head. I have a pretty strong outline for the fic overall, so it’s definitely coming!

3. Another thing I never thought I’d write in this particular fandom was a pregnancy scare fic. I got a lot of C&C prompts for it though, and it’s actually teased out a pretty angsty installment in my head where they do have a scare and it makes them actually have to talk about what that looks like. In it, Beth confirms she doesn’t want anymore children, and Rio reveals that he would’ve liked one with Beth, but that he’d figured that it wasn’t on the cards. It ends up being a pretty bittersweet story where they’re both happy with what they have, but wonder what could’ve been, and what a child who was both of theirs might’ve been like. 

4. On a much lighter note, I’ve had a ‘five things’ fic for ages which is actually just a time-jump fic with Beth and Rio teaching each of the five kids to drive, haha. It’s ridiculous, but hopefully pretty fun. 

5. And there are a lot more too, but to bring this full circle, haha, there is an installment coming where Rio’s away for business, and, um. The security system is actually used. Think Panic Room vibes. 

put “top 5” anything in my ask and i will answer ok go

[banjodanger]

X-Men Origins: Wolverine(2009)

I’ve got a lot to talk about, so I’m going to jump right in with a very unpopular opinion. This may SHOCK and OFFEND certain readers, but I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind. More sensitive readers should beware, however, because I’m not going to shy away from rattling cages and saying what NEEDS to be said!

So, ready yourselves, because...

Origins is not the worst X-Men movie.

There. I said it. PBBBBBBTTTT!

I’m not arguing that this was a good movie, hell, there’s a good argument that this isn’t even a competently made movie. But this movie is also responsible for some of the absolute best movies to come from Fox’s X-Men. First Class and Days of Future Past are two of the absolute best movies of this series, and it’s doubtful the other two Wolverine solo movies would have aimed as high as they did if this movie hadn’t been so widely mocked. If you go back to watch this movie, try to keep in mind eight years later this series would get nominated for a screenwriting Oscar. Whatever your opinion of awards, that’s a hell of a turnaround, considering the story this movie tells is like three separate stories stapled together. Finally, however much this movie misunderstands Deadpool, it was right on in casting Ryan Reynolds and eventually gave us better Deadpool movies than we could have hoped for. It shouldn’t go unnoticed that both of those movies use Origins as a solid foundation for jokes. I’m not going to talk too much about Deadpool in this movie, because I plan to cover it in more detail when I get to the first movie.

But I’m not discussing those movies, I’m discussing Origins, and Origins is not very good. The CGI looks cheap and outdated, not just by the standards of the time it was released but by the standards of five years previous. And the movie makes said terrible CGI hard to ignore because, to quote the philosopher Michelle Branch, it is EVERYWHERE. Most people are quick to bring up Wolverine’s claws effects, and they should because they somehow look worse than any of the three previous movies and it’s the most easily noticeable. I’m not expecting them to have Hugh Jackman actually fighting and jumping around on top of a nuclear vent but it looks like they’re doing it in front of computer wallpaper. That hill outside the Hudson’s farmhouse literally looks like the default Windows XP desktop. I’m surprised Agent Zero isn’t hiding behind the recycle bin. This isn’t to say I don’t expect lots of CGI in my comic book movies,but I expect better when someone is dropping over one hundred million for a guy with metal claws to fight a mute with impossibly long sword fists.

I could ignore all the bargain basement effects if there was a good story, but there isn’t one. There’s about two or three stories and they’re all bad. Gavin Hood wanted to make a throwback sevnties-style revenge movie, completely self-contained and R-rated(Hey, does that sound familiar?), but the producers wanted extra characters they could spin off into their own films. And as much as I want to excoriate them for that, I can only get but so mad. This was a big franchise that was approaching ten years since its first film. They were looking towards the future and that’s what their job was. The problem is that failure to find a common ground comes through on the screen. Some of the strongest scenes are between Logan and Victor, to the detriment that most of the other characters who come off as unnecessary cameos. That boxing scene between Logan and Fred Dukes could be a thirty second phone call without really losing anything.

It’s disappointing, too, because a lot of the performances in this movie aren’t bad. Believe me, I wanted to hate Will.I.Am. I was going to drag him and talk about all the terrible music he made but...he’s not bad in this movie. I’m not going to say he missed his calling by not becoming an actor full-time, but I enjoyed his performance and wish the movie had used him a little bit more.

My humps is still one of the worst goddamned songs ever.

Gambit was great in this movie too. Taylor Kitsch had this bizarre run of putting in good performances in hated movies. After this, he did John Carter then the second season of True Detective. That’s a shocking run of bad luck, and too bad to, because he’s good in all three. We missed out not getting at least one more movie with his take on Gambit, because he gets maybe fifteen minutes of screentime but he manages to be memorable, charismatic and charming.

Helicoptering with a bo staff still isn’t part of his goddamn power set though.

And I’m not going to forget Liev Schrieber, who makes an absolutely compelling villain. The only problem with his character at all is that he puts such a great performance that it stretches belief to imagine this is the guy that becomes a silent henchman in the first movie. There’s simply nothing in his performance to suggest they’re the same person. It would be like if the twist of Phantom Menace was that Darth Vader was originally Jar Jar Binks, or if they hired Nora Ephron to write a Hellraiser prequel. 

Even the Scott Summers we get in this movie is pretty good despite looking like a guy that steals copper wiring out of abandoned gas stations. Although I really question why Gambit watches them run off and I guess just assumes they’re being abducted by a good guy.

That leads me into the whole problem with prequels. Things happen in this movie and characters seem to live simply because earlier movies dictate that we have to see them again. It simply does not make sense for Kayla to leave Stryker alive. She has every reason to kill him, but she doesn’t, because he needs to be the villain in X2. Gambit doesn’t chase after the kids because they didn’t want to have him interact with Professor X. Sabretooth survives because he has to fight Wolverine on top of the Staute of Liberty while making no reference to their apparent relationship as siblings, or any words of any kind. This movie is awkwardly shoehorning itself into the lore established by the previous movies and it results in characters saying and doing things that go against what this movie seems to lead up to. The ending of most of those seventies revenge flicks was a bloody murder. Here, Stryker hurts his feet a little. It’s just not the same thing.

Ok, are you ready for the problematic parts?

Let’s start with Native American representation, because it ends up being a pretty big part of this movie. Lynn Collins’ Wikipedia says she claims Cherokee ancestry, so I’ll give the movie credit on that, but as near as I’ve been able to suss out, the myth she tells does not exist outside of this movie. First off, Wolverines do not howl. At all. They’re not wolves, they’re related to weasels. They’re small, vicious bastards. That information was readily available in 2009, by the way. Furthermore, the information I can find says that the moon in Native American mythology is predominantly gendered as male. Now, that’s not a blanket statement. This was the research I was able to conduct, and mythology, as with a lot of oral traditions, are a pretty mutable thing. Given that I was unable to find any mention of this myth that didn’t quote it from the movie, I feel pretty comfortable calling this myth nonsense.

Hey, what’s your tolerance for fatphobia? Because that’s going to impact how you feel about Blob’s character. Look, from his very first appearance he’s been a fat joke. That’s it. He’s a rude fat guy whose mutant power is being fat, hell, part of his power set is described as a “personal gravity field.” So while I can’t blame the movie entirely for this character being problematic, you’ve got to ask why they chose this character as the one that had to stay true to the comic book. He was in poor taste when he was created, when this movie was made, and now. And I absolutely can blame the movie for making him a fat joke.

At least they didn’t go the Ultimate comics route and straight up show him eating another character. Small blessings.

On a more final note, there’s that very strange character choice in the beginning credits. I know that they want to illustrate early that Wolverine doesn’t view violence the same way Sabretooth does, but why would they choose nazis as the villain in that moment? Even if they weren’t the most enjoyably killable villains in history, the last three movies have made the atrocities of the Holocaust a huge emotional linchpin of a major character. So it comes off as a genuine shock that this movie would use, in its introduction, a moment of sympathy for these very same villains. So you needed to show Wolverine with sympathy? Have a bar fight in France after liberating the country. Have them fight in the Korean war. Maybe Wolverine mourns a kid shot on the front lines. There’s a hundred choices that don’t involve Wolverine getting sad over a bunch of nazis.

So, why don’t I think this is the worst X-Men movie? I’m clearly not calling it a forgotten classic, and I’m not recommending you watch it unless you’re a weird completionist blogging about your arrested development on Tumblr. Sure, there’s some forgotten performances in here that deserve some consideration, but the movie is mostly a mess, a result of too many cooks with diverging visions. There’s a good revenge flick here, but it gets buried and muddled by a desire and knowledge that this movie has to simultaneously explain the past that led to the first movie and set up future installments. It tries to do too much and ends up not doing much of anything. I followed up on some of the people involved in this movie. Obviously Ryan Reynolds had the last laugh, but it still took seven years and a leaked teaser. Hugh Jackman learned from the mistakes in this movie and the rest of the Wolverine movies are pretty great. Gavin Hood, who got this job after being nominated for a foreign language Oscar, directed another big-budget flop with Ender’s Game. However, earlier in 2020 he apparently bought a four million dollar house so I don’t feel bad for him. Also, the flop of Ender’s Game could possibly involve Orson Scott Card being a vocal and unapologetic homophobe. Seriously, what is it with beloved fantasy authors and hate towards LGBT groups? You can conceive of wild, uncharted space and magical realms but the idea that two guys love each other is too far out?

Next in the series, from failure comes success, as we meet Xavier and Erik as frenemies and launch a million slash fictions.

[engagedtobefree]

Scott’s Departure

Friday was a bad dream I still have not been able to wake up from. 

I haven’t written about Scott much on here anymore, and I have been less active on tumblr anyway. but now I need this site right now to process some very heavy feelings.

The last time I had previously seen Scott was mid-March. I was standing in his office at the end of the day as he packed up his laptop and anything else he needed. I hadn’t been approved to work from home yet. I was down about him having to work from home, but he told me to message him any time. I said I would. I messaged him a day or two later, telling him I’d also be working from home for the time being. My work gave me a laptop to take home. My first day working from home he messaged me to ask how I liked working from home. I told him I hated it and he said hopefully he’d get to see me in a week or two. It was the only time during these past 7 months the he reached out and messaged me. At one point during this time, I got annoyed that I was always the one reaching out. I felt like we had gotten to a point in our relationship, whatever it was, that I wouldn’t always be doing all the work anymore. So I didn’t talk to him for two months. Then I missed him too much and started messaging him again. He actually became more receptive to me reaching out and was always quicker to answer me. It was nice.

I missed him a lot these past months. Eventually I got approved to come in for 2 half days every week, which eventually turned into 3 full days. Scott had come to the office twice for stuff; the first time I was in the office but had left before he came (I didn’t know he was coming) and the second time was a day I was going to go in but decided not to. The office has been strange without anyone really there. Even weirder without Scott there. I have had to go out to the boxes in the warehouse a few times, and I turn around and Scott’s office is dark. I have to go and grab a water jug, and I look into his office but he isn’t standing there smiling and waving at me. My heart ached so much that I began to feel like we’d never go back to normal again. I hate that I was right.

About 2 weeks ago, Scott put his away message on for about 2 hours in the middle of the day. My first thought was, “He’s interviewing.” I shook off those thoughts because I absolutely did not want to entertain the thought of losing him. I had this worry pop up before, that Scott might leave, and I was wondering if I manifested it, or if it was something deep inside of my soul that was trying to prepare me for what was coming. I don’t know for sure, and I don’t know if Scott was interviewing that day or what, but he has a new job now and he won’t ever be back.

Friday, I see Scott go offline about 45-50 minutes before the work day ends. I don’t think too much into it; it is a Friday so maybe he just logged off early. Still, something was bothering me, but I had no idea what. I stayed 10 minutes late to make up the rest of the time I had missed due to an emergency vet visit with Weasley (he’s totally okay). My longing to see Scott was stronger than ever. I literally thought to myself as I walked out that day, “If I don’t see Scott soon I feel like my chest might burst.” I had been parking on the main entrance side of the building instead of the back, since we had to come in through the front and leave through the back per my work’s covid policy (plus it was weird getting in my car without Scott there coming out behind me). I come around the building and it takes me a moment to take in what I’m seeing. There is a car parked in front of the entrance that looks like Scott’s car, and there is a man standing there talking to Linda that looks like he could be Scott. I put my things in my car and just stare. I’m too far away to hear his voice, and he is mostly blocked by the large stone railing, and his hat isn’t black like usual, but I know it’s him. I wonder if I should just leave and wave. Then reality hits me: Scott is here, in living flesh right in front of me and I’m just going to casually drive off and wave after not seeing him for 7 months and after missing two other opportunities to see him?? Am I insane?? Then reality hits me again: there is only one reason Scott would be here today. I start to walk over but realize I forgot my mask, so I go back and grab it. Neither Scott nor Linda noticed my presence until I was maybe 12 feet from them. Linda sees me and she says her goodbyes to Scott, tells him good luck, and they exchange a quick little hug. I barely notice Linda though; I only have eyes for the man I have adored for so long.

Scott and I greet each other and I ask him what he’s doing here. He tells me he was dropping off his laptop and desktop. Me: “You got another job?” Scott says he did. I knew this was coming. Me: “Why didn’t you say anything?” Scott: “It just happened suddenly. I just found out today actually.” Me: “You didn’t tell me you were leaving.” Scott: “I gave my two week notice and next week was supposed to be my last week, but HR told me today to just make today my last day.” Me: “This makes me so sad.” Scott: “Yeah, I’m not happy about it. I’ve been here 9 years.” Me: “Really? That long?” Back when Scott and I first started talking to each other it was 6 years. I can’t believe 3 years had gone by. Scott: “Yeah, I mean I wasn’t looking for a job, but this just fell into my lap, ya know?” Me: “Where is your new job?” Scott: “Ca*********r in Ha*******. A guy that used to work here went there and I asked him to keep me in mind if any job came up and it did and they offered me more money. I couldn’t say no. They weren’t bringing us back here. They were going to keep us remote permanently.” Me: “They were?” Scott: “Yeah.” Me: “Yeah, you know I was walking by the empty cubicles earlier and I was thinking how depressing it will be if they don’t bring anyone back.” Scott: “It is. It’s dreary.” Me: “This makes me so sad.” Scott: “Yeah, I’m sad to be leaving.” Me: “So will you be doing the job you were doing before they started changing it?” Scott says he will. Me: “Yeah, you know I’ve been thinking about leaving too lately. It’s not the same and my raise last year was terrible.” Scott: “Oh yeah, the raises here suck. That 2% or whatever it is, it’s bullshit.” Me: “This makes me sad.” Scott: “Yeah, I didn’t want to have to leave.” Me: “Can we keep in touch?” At this, Scott turns to look at me. He has his sunglasses on and I can just barely see his one eye lock onto mine. I can’t read his face since he also has his mask on, but I know I wouldn’t be able to read this look of his anyway. It’s the blank look I’ve seen 100 times, the one that can mean 100 different things. And as he stands there, not answering me right away, there are several things I notice: how sad I had sounded when I asked him the question; how he is obviously taken aback that I asked him this, so it probably didn’t cross his mind to keep in touch with me; he is thinking over how to respond to this, and possibly get out of having to ever speak to me again once he leaves here. Scott: “Yeah, we can keep in touch; just hit me up on instagram you know I’m on there.” (More on this in a future post). To me, it’s not the most hopeful answer, but it isn’t flat-out rejection at least. Me: “I’ll miss you.” Scott says something about how he hates having to leave everyone, or something along those lines. I wasn’t fully listening because I was shocked by what I just allowed to come out of my mouth. Then several things happen all at once: Scott says, “I’ll miss you too” and he starts to turn his head toward me, but before he can even finish what he’s saying I begin to move toward him, and he opens his arms to receive me. Scott, the closed-off man, the man who has his arms folded so much of the time, immediately opens his arms to me the very exact moment he sees me move toward him. I slam into him and wrap my arms around his neck, and his upper body sways back slightly from the force, but he’s strong and steady and stays rooted to the ground. He wraps his one arm around my mid back, and the other arm beneath it, just above my lower back. I have waited for this moment and also feared it. I expected any hug from him toward me to be loose and uncommitted, or quick and half-hearted. But Scott’s embrace is firm yet gentle, and he just stands there holding me while my arms are wrapped around his neck, my chin resting on his shoulder. We just stand there like that, not moving for many moments. I could’ve stood there with him like that the rest of the day, but eventually I say, “You smell so nice.” Scott: “What?” Me, louder: “You smell so nice.” I hold him for another few seconds and then begin to let go. My lips flare, wishing to kiss him, but we have masks on and I wouldn’t make that move anyway. Scott had let me be the first one to break away from our hug. We say a few more things to each other and then begin walking. I poke him in the arm and playfully say, “Don’t ignore me either.” Scott says he won’t and as I bring my hand back, my fingers lightly graze his forearm. I start to walk toward my car and look back over my shoulder. Scott has his head down. I turn back forward and then look back again, but his head is still down. My heart sinks. I get back into my car and he does too. I pull out and watch Scott in his side mirror. He took his mask off but I can’t see his face. His hands are moving and I recognize that he is using hand sanitizer, but my brain doesn’t send that signal to my hands because as I pass I wave to him and he is watching me in his mirror and he waves back. I wanted that moment to feel like something, to feel like a permanent goodbye, or to feel like a talk to ya later. But it didn’t feel like anything. I just felt empty and sad.

I make it a little bit up the road before I have to pull over and cry. Several cars pass, and one looked like it could’ve been Scott, but I’m not sure if it was him or not. I don’t think it was. I send video snaps to Stacy and Amanda, in tears, crying about how Scott is leaving and I’m heartbroken. They don’t know. Both of my best friends, and they don’t know that I am in love with a married man. I decide to send the rest of my snaps to only Amanda, and I apologize for never telling her the truth, for never telling her the extent of my feelings for him. Then I head home and try to calm myself down enough so that my mom can’t tell I’d been crying.

I lay awake and cry in bed for hours that night. I think about Scott not telling me that he was leaving, that he saw my car in the parking lot and still did not seek me out. I think about our last conversation, from Wednesday, when he was giving me back a one to three word responses, and how he said he’d hit me up when he wasn’t busy, to which he never did. I think about how I didn’t even get to see his face one last time, and how I could only barely see his one eye through his sunglasses at that one moment and how I had to keep looking at the mole on his forehead because it was literally the only defining feature I had of him to take in and focus on since the rest of his face was completely covered pretty much. I think about if he meant what he said about us being able to keep in touch or if he was lying. Then I think about the other times when he told me we couldn’t talk anymore, so I’d hope he would be telling me the truth now. But I sounded so sad that it could’ve influenced his answer, and he won’t have to see me again so he could lie and not worry about it because there’d be no consequences. But then I think about him saying he’ll miss me too, and I know he definitely meant that. He didn’t have to say it back, but he did, and Scott has never ever said anything like that to me before.

I think about our hug, and how I got to stand there, up on my tippy toes, with my arms around his neck and his arms around me. I can still feel the light pressure of his arms around my body and I don’t want that feeling to ever go away. A man I have dreamt about kissing, and laying next to, and having sex with, and the thing that matters to me most is that I at least got to hug him. I know that I will cherish that moment forever. If I never see Scott again, if I never talk to him again, I will remember that hug still 50 years from now.

Saturday I spend a large portion of the day with Amanda. She lets me cry when I need to and she takes yoga photos for me later. When we go back to her apartment later, I go through photos I took of conversations between Scott and I, and I notice how in so many of them I had gotten a portion of the conversation in the photo where he is talking about how he wants to go back into the office. I knew we talked about it sometimes, but I never realized just how often it was, and how much he really, really wanted things to be better in some way. At one point, he is told they should be able to go back in once or twice a week, but then that changes to never. Scott says at one point he might consider leaving, but when I send a crying emoji he tells me to stop and that it won’t be anytime soon. But it was soon. And I’m angry. Not at Scott, but my company. I’m angry because he was all but forced to leave. He complained about them breaking up his department for no reason, and they didn’t care. He complained about not being able to go back into the office, and they didn’t care. He complained about them adding to his position and changing it, and they didn’t care. He complained about the daily zoom meetings which later became daily trainings for a role he didn’t want, and they didn’t care. Scott wanted to stay, he wanted to go back, but he was being forced into this corner and I honestly cannot blame him for leaving. Scott is very tolerant, but he’s also rational and level-headed. He wasn’t going to keep giving his time to a company where they didn’t truly care about him or listen to what he had to say. And I’ll be leaving too. I knew it Friday, that I cannot stay here. The main reason I stayed for the shitty pay and the bullshit was because of Scott. I couldn’t leave him, but now he’s gone and there’s nothing left for me there. I love Pete and Joyce, and I’ll miss everyone else, but it’s never going to go back to normal there, and even if they did bring everyone back it wouldn’t matter, because Scott would no longer be there. There would always and forever be a huge chunk of my work life missing, and it would be the most important part to me. I’ve spent these past 7 months wondering when we could have some normalcy back, when I could once again see Scott walking about the building, interacting with him like I used to. But it was never coming back. Everything we had there is permanently gone, and unless some miracle happens, I will probably never see or hear from Scott again. 

I sent him a message on Instagram Saturday afternoon, since I felt inspired to do so: “Hi, Scott. I’m sorry yesterday, I don’t think I told you good luck at your new job. I was upset by the news of you leaving, but I’m happy for you that you found something better and I hope it works out well. I’m also sorry for when I said don’t ignore me. I was just scared that you would, so that’s why I said that, but I also don’t want you to feel obligated to keep in touch with me if you don’t want to. I just wanted you to know that I appreciated our time at work together and how I will miss our talks and your company. I don’t expect anything beyond a friendship, so I wanted to clear that up. I wanted to keep in touch cuz I truly value your friendship and I admire you for who you are as a person. Work won’t be the same without you, and I have felt lately it’s my time to pursue something else too. I hope we can keep in touch though, but I’m leaving that decision up to you. Anyway, I hope you have a nice day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. :)” He hasn’t responded and it isn’t marked as read, but I know the message will probably come through as a request, which he can then accept, deny, or leave sitting there in limbo, and I’d never know which he chose. I also requested to be his friend even though his page is private and he has no photos up, but he hasn’t responded to that either. He told me before he’s never really on there, but I know if he has the app that he got the notifications. I’m not dumb. But what I don’t know is what is going through his mind. Maybe he plans to just ignore me, or maybe he is taking time to think things over, or maybe he truly has not been on there. In any case, I was going to send him one final message when I felt like it was the right time to. I’m not expecting him to respond to my first message, so I know I’ll probably be sending the second one, to which I’d be very surprised if he responded to that either. I have it ready to go, as I typed it out in a moment of clarity, but I don’t want to send it yet in case Scott does happen to respond to me. 

I pulled oracle and tarot cards Friday night too. Amanda got me a tarot deck for my birthday, so I did a past-present-future spread and here’s what I got: Past - a woman sitting in a cell, feeling sorry for herself, not realizing that she holds the key to her own freedom (this was most definitely past me before Scott.) Present: heartbreak (obviously true - and this card flew out of the deck and onto my lap so I didn’t even have to pick it). Future: A man coming to offer stability and loyalty (is this Scott? or some other unknown man?) I decided to do a past-present-future with my traditional Ryder-Waite tarot, which paralleled my first reading a bit: Past - I pulled the High Priestess, which stands for secrets and an unknown future, though she could also represent intuition and the subconscious (this makes sense too because I always felt like the future with my situation with Scott was unknown and that I was left in the dark about things; the intuition and subconscious also makes sense because after I began interacting with Scott and slowly learned to free myself from the chains I placed upon myself, our connection grew and I could connect to my intuition more as well). Present - 8 of cups, which could signify feeling dejected and giving up because of having to deal with abandonment (Scott leaving could def be interpreted as abandonment). Future - Ace of swords, meaning triumph (Honestly, I could interpret this in so many different ways, but I have no idea how a triumph would play out for me, but it is a positive at least, so that’s all I need to know). I also pulled 3 oracle cards from my Inner Compass deck (not a past-present-future thing but I was just feeling the 3s) and they each revolved around manifesting my dream life, following my inner guide, and taking control of where I go from here. Oddly, though it was 3 different things, they all somehow tied into each other. I pulled 3 cards from my rebel deck and got “You are talented and fucking amazing”, “You are loved”, and “Love”, all of which seemed to somehow tie into each other as well. There’s also words on the back of those but I wasn’t feeling drawn to that in this moment. In any case, my future might be looking good, but it still doesn’t change the present of me hurting right now.

I want to post more about this, and on my feelings about today and going forward from here, but I will do that some other time this week. I’m tired and I’ve cried so hard writing parts of this. I was able to schedule an emergency therapy session tomorrow with my therapist, so that’s much-needed right now. Then tomorrow I have to brave facing my computer screen, looking at my contact list, and seeing that Scott is no longer with the company, and seeing the chat bubble I left open where he said he’d hit me up, and seeing that he never got the chance to. I’m going into the office tomorrow too so I can do my Duo therapy session and cry freely without my mom knowing. So I also have to face the office at the same time, his forever dark and empty office, the hallways he once walked and won’t walk again. The ghosts of past memories of him were already there on a normal day, so I have a feeling tomorrow I am going to spend more time crying than working. 

I never wanted to lose you, Scott. I love you.

[fanfic-scribbles]

(Don’t) Play It Again

Fandom: Supernatural

Summary: Everyone has that one song that they just can’t stand for whatever reason, regardless of how good, bad, or innocuous it actually is. For you, hearing that song is like getting a bucket of ice water dumped on your head.

Gabriel, of course, takes this as a challenge.

Quick facts: Romance – [established] Gabriel/Reader – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Fluff, tildes (~) for scene breaks because Tumblr’s line breaks are nice in theory but that seems to be the only place they truly exist aside from on desktop sometimes

Words: 2512

A/N: WHEW I did not think I’d finish anything this week but I made it under the wire, even after a week from Hell with being really sick and taking someone else to the hospital. And then going to Wondercon today which, not bad, but tiring. Oh well; less whining. Here! Have a Gabriel/Reader fluffy-nonsense fic; I hope you enjoy it.

   You wake to a chill where your skin meets the air and sunlight is just barely grazing the curtains. An arm slips around your stomach and pulls you back into a very warm, very bare chest. You smile as lips move from your shoulder to your earlobe.

“Gabr’l,” you say, mangling the word with a tongue still trying to sleep in the early morning hour. You wish your consciousness could claim the same.

“We have some time,” he says, still kissing with light brushes of his lips over your bare skin. “Before you have to get up and…ugh…be responsible.”

You laugh as the motions begin to tickle and the rest of your body begins to stir. Well, he has a point. Especially the ‘ugh’ part, so you're more than willing to add something nice to the morning…

Until the alarm goes off.

The alarm being the crappy clock radio by the side of the bed that tunes into the most static-riddled radio station you’ve heard playing that fucking song. You slam your hand on the top of the radio once, twice, but it isn’t until the fourth hit that the thing finally turns off and it’s too late– you’re very much awake now and very much not in a good mood. In any form or fashion.

“Uh…everything okay?” Gabriel asks, looking at you warily. If he wasn’t who he was you’d expect a splash of holy water or handful of salt.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just…out of the mood,” you say and sit up.

“What? Why?” Gabriel asks, on the edge of pouting. “Where do you have to go in such a hurry?”

You chuckle and give him a little kiss on the nose. He scrunches it in displeasure. “Sorry Gabriel,” you say and slip out of his hold to get dressed.

“Seriously, what did you set that alarm for?”

“The alarm was set well in advance so timing isn’t a problem. It’s that fucking song.” You stick out your tongue like it can get rid of the bad taste.

“The…song?” Gabriel sounds almost as confused as Castiel at his most angelic.

“I can’t stand that song. It’s just…” You shudder. “If I listen to it too much it puts me in a bad mood. Certainly knocks me right out of that mood, so that’s one more reason to hate it.”

“It’s…” Gabriel appears in front of you. “It’s just a song. It’s dumb, yeah, but you’ve listened to way worse.”

“Maybe.” You lean forward and kiss him again. “But it is what it is. Honestly, I cannot hate that song any more than I already do.”

Gabriel pouts and you laugh, leaving him to sulk quietly. He’ll get over it, you figure, because he always does. And hey– once you’re showered, maybe you’ll be up to making the morning a little better for the both of you.

And you do. However, you really should have chosen your earlier words more carefully.

~

“How’s it hangin’ sweetcheeks?”

You stop before you can take a bite and glance up with wary amusement, half-expecting Gabriel to be dressed in neon, or like a villain from an eighties teen movie. But Gabriel looks as Gabriel always tends to look– blending in. More or less.

“Hey.” Gabriel swipes a fry and waves it at you. “Johnny Lawrence has nothing on me.”

“Of course not,” you say as he starts eating your food. Somehow (“somehow”) the amount of fries remains the same. “Are you riding with me?”

“No.” Gabriel rolls his eyes. “I promised Castiel I’d help him with something.”

“What a nice big brother you are,” you say and laugh when he flicks a fry bit at you. Suddenly he appears next to you and kisses you deeply, salt melding and melting between your tongues.

Gabriel pulls back abruptly and winks. “Thanks for the snack, Sugar,” he says, and vanishes.

Shockingly, his disappearing act draws no notice. Well, Gabriel can be subtle. When he wants. So you just shake your head, pick up your burger, and prepare to take a bite.

That’s when you hear it.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you say and drop your food. But no– it’s that song. And this stupid place has the volume up too loud for you to ignore it. You rifle through your bag but your headphones are nowhere to be found, of course. Thankfully, by the time you’re done searching, the song is at least almost over with.

Then the sound system glitches.

And it starts from the beginning.

“F–” You toss your food back in the bag and take it to go. Apparently it’s just one of those days.

~

A few hours later you’re driving to the next state over when The Song comes on the radio. On two different stations. You punch it off but that’s…weird. Really weird.

The road is straight, flat, and empty. You slip on your Bluetooth and make a call.

“Hey,” Dean answers, not short of breath or otherwise distressed. Good.

“Are you involved in whatever Cas needed Gabe’s help for?”

“Uh, yeah. He’s actually being pretty helpf–” Dean’s voice becomes fainter, like he’s turned away from the phone. Even though it’s a cell phone. You roll your eyes, but smile at Gabriel’s voice in the background. Your smile grows when Dean’s voice becomes clearer with, “–not going to tell them you love them! You got your own damn phone.” Dean huffs. “Anyway, what’d you want?”

“Tell Gabe I love him too.”

“Wh– I’m not going to–” There are kissy noises in the background but still relatively close and Dean swears. “You two are disgusting,” he says and hangs up.

You laugh and toss your earpiece onto the passenger seat. So, it’s not Gabriel then. You’ll have to tell him about all this later– far from being offended, he’ll probably get a kick out of it.

~

You’re speaking with a witness who might have information on whatever the hell you’re hunting, when some sort of instrument starts playing. If it was tuned you might have a shot at figuring out what it is. (A tuba? You think?)

“I’m sorry,” the woman says and winces at a…a very interesting note. “My Oliver has to practice for school.”

“I understand completely,” you say and open your notebook. “Now, you told–” In with discordant notes you can barely hear it, but once you do hear that song, you can’t stop hearing it no matter how badly the kid is trying to mangle it. “Son of a bitch!”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, um, just a flash of insight,” you say quickly and scribble some nonsense on the page. You give the woman your kindest smile.

“Oh, well all right then,” she says and sits a little straighter. You carry on with the interview as the kid practices. And practices. And practices.

To his credit, the song does get more recognizable as time goes on.

By the end of the interview, your eye is twitching and Yvonne, the very nice lady who has inadvertently helped you identify someone within the police as the town’s source of problems, looks concerned. “Are you all right?”

“Job hazard,” you say and smile blandly. “Thank you for your time, ma’am.”

The song starts again, and you’re too tired to even grind your teeth. You really need to kill something.

What happens if you tear out a werewolf’s heart with your bare hands before you jam silver in it?

~

At first you assume the song is having a resurgence. Or maybe it never actually went away, you just got lucky. In either case, you’re hearing it a lot again.

Naturally, it is not putting you in the best mood.

“Are you okay?” Sam murmurs as you both sit at the bar, waiting for the monster du jour to take Dean’s bait.

“I’m fine,” you say and watch Dean work. He’s doing good, charming the pants right off the bitch who very obviously wants to drain him dry. But then the chorus starts and you twitch. “God I hope this nest is big. I want piles of heads. Piles.”

“Easy, Venom,” Sam says and you actually stare at him. He frowns. “I’m not completely out of the loop.”

You snort and go back to watching Dean. Though you try to tune out the song, it seeps into your consciousness regardless and Sam jabs you a couple of times to make you lighten up. When Dean and the vamp leave you have to slow up to keep off their heels.

You clear out half the nest on your own. Dean and Sam are impressed and frightened, respectively. Or both, equally.

~

You’re currently at a drive-in with Gabriel and channeling your inner rebellious fifties teenager. You have no idea what the movie’s about. It’s fantastic.

And then.

“What’s wrong?” Gabriel asks, ruffled in a way you wish you could appreciate.

But not right now. Those opening bars… He opens his mouth and you shush him. As the next notes come, you recognize it as a goddamn slow cover version of that fucking song. You let out a heavy sigh and try not to grind your teeth as you sink back into your seat.

“What just happened?” Gabriel asks, looking from you to the screen and back again.

“I, uh…” But irritation is rising and the mood is fading. You are tired. You are just…tired.

“It’s not–” Gabriel guffaws. “You're joking.”

“I. Wish.”

Gabriel makes a ‘tsk’ noise and leans in closer to you. “Come on; I’ll take your mind off of it.”

“No.”

“But–”

“Gabriel.”

Sufficiently convinced that no, you’re not kidding, he sits back in his seat, and glares straight ahead. His hands, once roving over your body, are folded under his crossed arms, and his lips, just moments ago grazing your skin, are furrowed into a pout.

You hate that you can literally say that this song is now ruining your life.

~

However.

Maybe less than a week later you’re in a movie theater, suffering through that same mediocre film and posing as an usher as you scout a potential haunting. But when the scene comes on…the song doesn’t play.

Hm.

~

It’s a nice day in the library. A quiet one. As of late, Dean won’t even play his own music around you, just in case. You figure it’s better that way. And today, working around Dean and Sam and Cas, the silence is nice.

At some point, though, Cas starts humming. That’s…strange. He keeps his face in his book while you, Sam, and Dean all trade confused and bewildered looks. And the way Cas is humming is very mechanical– like he’s trying to remember each note as he gets to it. You and Sam smile, and Dean rolls his eyes but you see a smile start to form before he puts his head back down. You and Sam follow suit, and while you’re cleaning up a clumsy translation, you let the song filter through your brain in the background. It sounds so familiar, you just can’t place–

Wait.

“Son of a bitch!” you hiss and slam your book shut hard enough to make the table rattle and Sam and Dean jump.

“Uh oh,” Dean mutters as Cas slowly lifts his head.

“Are you all right?” Cas asks, somewhat wary.

Not wary enough, but you do your breathing exercises. “I’m fine. Castiel…” You breathe deep. “That’s an…interesting song.”

“It is,” Cas says and looks thoughtful. “Very ‘catchy.’ That’s the word, right?”

“Mm hm. That’s…a word,” you say and steadfastly stare at your project. It goes back to being quiet.

Then Cas starts again, and your pencil snaps in your hand.

“Uh, Cas, let’s–” Sam clears his throat and bumps the table when he scrambles to get up. “Cas, can I talk to you? Somewhere else?”

“I suppose so,” Cas says slowly and stands.

“I’ll help,” Dean says, closing his laptop and backing away from you like you’re a hungry tiger. Sam and Dean then basically run away with Cas caught in between them.

You sigh and let your forehead fall against the table. This has got to end. Soon.

~

You don’t let anything musical come on for a solid week. The alarm buzzes, you drive with only the wind rushing past your ears, and the TV gets muted ASAP. The things you can’t control– stores, homes, cars with a broken volume button– you…handle. So far, you haven’t heard it again, but you stay on edge, just waiting.

“You look like a live wire, Sugarplum.” Gabriel cracks his fingers and wiggles them. “C’mere and let me work out some of those kinks. And then we can work out a different set of kinks.”

Tempting. You’d very much like to work out some tension, but you’re just not up for it. Gabriel is a good time– and a very involved time. “No thanks, Gabe; I’m really tired.”

“I could energize you,” he offers and reaches, but you dodge him quickly, if clumsily.

“Thanks, but all I need is some sleep,” you say and blow him a kiss. “Good night, Gabriel,” you say, shut off the lights, and go to bed.

You hope the message is received.

~

Several days later, after you’ve moved on from the last hunt, you wake up to a song on the radio. Your stomach sinks in dread, but what’s playing is…pleasant. It’s not that song. As far from that song as possible. It’s not your favorite, but the sound of it is benign and the memory of it is…

“May I have this dance?” Gabriel asks, leaning over you and kissing your neck.

You smile as he trails kisses on your skin. “If you had been a real, actual trickster, I probably would have been dead. You were so smooth.”

“Not even a demi-god could have killed you,” he says.

You chuckle and turn over to kiss him. “Still are smooth.”

“I was hoping you’d notice,” he says, eyes glinting in the light. “No hunts lined up today, right?”

“No helping Cas with his mysterious project?”

“Completely done.”

You eye him. “Completely, one-hundred percent, done done?”

“Done forever,” Gabriel says. He affects innocence so well sometimes you can only hope you’re speaking the same language right now, but then his lips cover yours and, well, you’re certainly speaking the same language there.

You break for air and Gabriel looks pretty pleased with himself. You smile and hover just in front of his mouth. “Hey Gabriel?”

“Hmmmmm?”

You trail a finger down his chest. “Every second I hear that song will be a week you feel without me touching you. Comprende?”

“Si, mi amor,” Gabriel says and a painfully fake moustache appears on his face, fresh out of Casa Erotica.

“Ew, I finally found something worse than that song,” you say and start to pull back, but Gabriel drags you back in. You laugh, he gets rid of the moustache, and you both spend the rest of the morning making out to the sounds of the song that played when you first met.

[nationallark]

Blood From the Stone, an adaptation of Onision’s Stones to Abbigale, Chapter One [EDIT: now complete] 3k words

(AN: hi friends! I decided to go ahead and align chapter one of my rework with chapter one of STA, so here it is for you guys! from now on, I’ll be posting the full chapters on Tumblr and I’ll put links to my Wattpad and Ao3 in my About page!!)

I hope you enjoy :)

The moment I opened my eyes, I was blinded by my freshly wallpapered room. Several days into my latest drastic redecoration, even the cast iron bed frame was now painted white. Light peeking through a narrow opening in the curtains bounced off the walls, making me clamp my eyes shut. Clearly, changing my room back to wall-to-wall white was another in a long line of self-inflicted psychological tortures.

My family could tell that the black had depressed me. I found comfort in the darkness, but neither extreme was without fault. I didn’t mind waffling between light and dark bedrooms, as I had ample spray paint and plenty of time to kill, but for a moment the intense light show pouring through the bay window felt like it was burning clear through to my brain.

Mom, having switched to the overnight shift by mid June, didn’t wake me up like she used to. Then again, neither did my alarm clock. I rolled away from the window and squinted into its plastic face only to see a cheaply backlit 8:17 AM staring back at me.

Great, I was going to be late again.

Not taking the time to grab my usual handful of cereal, I scribbled an excuse note and pulled a sweater over my sleep shirt before hopping on my scooter and pointing it in the direction of the school. As soon as the cold wind began to sting my cheeks, I realized that I in my haste had forgotten a scarf. Oh well.

I narrowly missed crashing into a giggly Lauren and Raymond who, hand in hand, were heading away from the school and towards the old church, no doubt to smoke or make out or any number of activities Lakewood students tended to use the place for.

Mr. Hanson, my heavyset history teacher, gave me a withering look as I ducked into his room with only fifteen minutes left in first period.

“James, talk to me after class,” he said mildly from his perch in the back of the room. I dropped my note on his desk on my way over to one of the few empty seats, electing to try and absorb some of the day’s lesson from the ongoing group activity rather than sit outside and count ceiling tiles.

It didn’t take long, however, for my mind to wander from British colonialism to the fascinating small scale history being made around me. I watched as Calvin, one of the honor students who was gunning for valedictorian, explained the reasoning behind his answers while Jaime nodded along and Miranda half paid attention to him while also monitoring Mr. Hanson to know when it was safe to chew her gum. It was too early in the school year for anyone to be too stressed out over grades, so there was only a sense of resigned monotony among the students.

That is, until the bell rang.

Over the ensuing bustle, Mr. Hanson glanced up from his work and looked at me expectantly, but I could only smile and shrug as I allowed myself to be pushed into the hallway with everyone else. Sorry, Mr. Hanson; I had a more important class to get to.

My second period was all the way across campus, relegated to one of the ancient trailers that also held the ESL students, sign language class, and music appreciation. Sculpture I, being one of the easier options for making the required fine arts credit, was naturally full of slackers and people who, like me, weren’t talented enough in music or theater to take anything else.

My cross-campus trek was interrupted by dozens of students circled around what I could only assume to be a fight. Unfortunately, the fight just happened to be in the center of the hallway that was my only path to art class. I hunched my shoulders and slipped through the growing crowd, breaking into a jog as the minute bell rang. I normally wouldn’t bother with getting to class on time, but I made an exception for sculpture; sculpture was the class I had with Abbi.

Ever since I’d seen Abbi in second period on the first day of senior year, she was all I could think about. Every day she would sit at the left side of a shared desk, drop her bag on the left side of her chair, and, resting her elbows on the tabletop, pick at the fake wood grain desk cover with her pencil.

As I ascended the creaking steps into the trailer, there were more seats open than I expected, probably because their usual occupants were still observing the fight I’d managed to squeeze past. There Abbi was, however, in the same getup as usual: her dark, wavy hair bunching on top of the desk as she bent over it, her deep purple eyeshadow and tinted brows still visible through the fringe. She had on the army jacket I’d never seen her without, even during messier art projects that showed in the cuffs of its sleeves. Even in the harsh light of the trailer’s fluorescent bulbs, she looked fantastic.

I tried not to make it too obvious that I was rushing to sit next to her, so I forced myself to slow down and take a casual approach to the desk. Step. Wave to Mrs. Stanley. Step. Check out the newest student-made hangings above her seat. Three steps. Gently drop my bag onto the desk.

Finally, I pulled the metal desk chair out and plopped into it with a grin ready for Abbi to turn and look at me...which happened to be at the exact same moment my thighs registered how ungodly cold the A/C had made the chair. I hissed in shock and stood up to save myself from mild frostbite, pushing the chair away from me and tipping it backwards and onto the floor with a metallic crash. Having looked up from her handiwork in time to see everything go down, Abbi glanced mildly at the chair, then at me, and went back to work without even laughing at me. Freaking smooth, James.

I picked up the chair amid the laughter of the other sculpture students and the quiet concern of Mrs. Stanley and sat down once again, this time being careful to pull the stretchy fabric of my shorts down long enough to cover the metal seat. I aimed my smile back at Abbi, who, this time, didn’t look up.

I barely had time to be disappointed before the stragglers arrived clearly invigorated by the hallway fight, whooping and hollering before Mrs. Stanley told them to quiet down or she’d mark them as tardy. Once again I looked at Abbi, whose attention was held steadfast by the desk cover. Well, at least it wasn’t just me that couldn’t get her attention. At this, I felt a wave of relief.

The relief was cut short, however, when one of the stragglers named Jason joined us at the shared desk, taking the seat directly across from Abbi. His arrival and unceremonious dumping of his bag on the desktop earned him a brief look and a practiced readjustment of Abbi’s position so that he wouldn’t accidentally bump into her, and once again the relief flooded my system.

Now that everyone was in their seats, Mrs. Stanley, looking for all the world like a walking retirement party, officially began class by going over the previous day’s finished assignment, which itself was the culmination of our unit on color and texture. I myself had modeled my project after my then-black room with soft black silk and smooth painted wood and was given an A for my trouble.

The main topic of discussion, however, wasn’t our grades. It was the introductory project for the next unit: symbolism and storytelling. Mrs. Stanley began to hand out the rubrics for the project while she gave us the bad news: we were going to be working with partners.

No, no, no. Not okay, because with my luck, I’d be paired with bonehead Jason or asshole Alex who’d just gotten back from a stint in alternative school for exposing himself in the cafeteria last year. I struggled to pay attention as she continued to outline the project.

“To simplify things,” she said, still handing out papers, “you’re going to be paired with the person across from you.”

That rule meant I was paired with….oh, God. While I wasn’t looking, Alex had apparently drifted into class and sat in the one remaining seat, which just so happened to be next to Jason and across from me. This wasn’t happening.

I’d been there in the cafeteria last year when Alex exposed himself. I’d even seen it. I can’t say I was particularly impressed, but I guess I didn’t have very much data with which to compare. Regardless, I was uninterested in being stuck with this kid for God knows how long while trying to work with whatever drivel he’d come up with and pass of as ideas.

My musing was interrupted by a voice that said “Can I be paired with James?”

Hearing the rare appearance of Abbi’s somber voice made me smile despite myself, and I took a moment to apprecia--wait. That was my name that had come out of her mouth. She’d asked to be paired with me. I couldn’t blame her, really, as her other option was Jason, who was barely a notch above Alex in terms of competence.

Despite her annoyance at Abbi’s resistance of her rules, Mrs. Stanley appeared to take pity on the both of us and rearranged our partnerships to put Abbi and I together and sic Jason and Alex upon each other. Looking only a little hurt, Jason huffed and looked Alex up and down before shrugging and choosing not to make a stink about the arrangement.

As Mrs. Stanley continued, I tried to remind myself that Abbi was only working with me to avoid the more offensive option that was Jason. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little giddy at the thought that Abbi would be talking directly to me and nobody else in second period for the next several days.

“For this project, you will each take something you own, and together, you will create something that brings new meaning to your possessions. In case you can’t tell, this is a project that’s going to render the items you bring useless for the future, so I wouldn’t suggest bringing a favorite shirt or expensive electronic. Today, you’ll work on deciding what you’ll bring and sketching out the final product.”

My mind was racing with ideas about what I could bring when I stopped to consider what Abbi might have to offer. What would she consider useful but okay to part with? Surely she had a spare makeup brush or two, with all the work she clearly put into doing her face day after day.

“What are you going to bring?”

I wished she’d say my name again. I’d always thought my name was so boring, but coming from Abbi, it was beautiful. Shit, gotta answer before I look like a weirdo.

“Uh, I don’t know…” Great.

“You could bring something to go in my hamster cage,” said Abbi.

“Did he die or something?” I winced, mentally berating myself. Great, just great. Bring up her dead hamster. That’ll make her have the hots for you.

“Never had one. Dad got the cage and forgot the hamster.”

“How do you forget a hamster? Was he high?” Abbi shrugged and looked away, and I took the opportunity to feel like a complete ass, first for bringing up her nonexistent dead hamster and then for asking about her maybe-stoned father. I wondered, briefly, how the species ever managed to repopulate if there were men like me walking around and completely turning women off.

Instead of shutting my mouth, I decided to try one more time to lift her spirits.

“Maybe I could, uh, bring that weird thing my mom keeps in her bedside table?”

Abbi snorted and, for a fleeting moment, gave me the most perfectly little crooked smile I’d ever seen on those plum-painted lips. And, by God, I was the one who put it there. I let slip an eye-crinklingly wide smile before composing myself into what I hoped was a sly grin. Abbi got ahold of herself too and opened her mouth, hopefully not to be too grossed out with me.

“Tell me you didn’t actually touch your mom’s--”

“Of course not!” I interrupted her. I didn’t know if I could stand to hear that combination of words aimed at me and not die from the resulting embarrassment. I laced my fingers together and stared down at my desk, willing my reddening cheeks to calm down.

Soon, the bell rang and dismissed us to third period, and I quickly stood up, grabbing my things and getting ready to run away from the social situation my big mouth had put me in. I was in such a hurry, in fact, that I almost missed Abbi calling my name from our desk.

I stopped short of the door and sidestepped the other students rushing back to the main school building. Having successfully grabbed my attention, Abbi reached into the scrap paper box and pulled out a white and gold speckled scrap of tissue paper.

“Here,” she said, scribbling something down on it. “gotta run; gym class.”

I felt for her; to get to the stadium for girls’ gym, she was going to have to cross the whole campus and wait for the crosswalk. But more importantly, she gave me a note! I scrambled to open it as I walked to class and discovered she’d written down a phone number. Her phone number? My eyes snapped upwards to the hallway, but Abbi was long gone.

For the rest of the school day, I was floating on air. Abbi had never once given me a second look, but now that we’d spoken some she wanted me to have her phone number! Did she want me to call her? I decided to play it safe and wait until I was home to do anything. I moved my phone case and gently pushed the note inside for safekeeping.

The final bell couldn’t have come soon enough. I picked up my scooter and ran to the bus in hopes of getting home as soon as possible, and Davis waved me over from a seat near the back. I joined him.

“Blow me off again this morning? I’m starting to get lonely,” Davis said with a theatrical sigh. I gave him my best eye roll in return while artfully cramming my scooter in one of the overhead storage areas. I sat down next to Davis and held my backpack in my lap.

“Alarm didn’t go off,” I said, gazing out the window at all the people milling around in the bus circle. Why wouldn’t they get out of the way? Didn’t they know I had something important to do?

“Whatcha’ looking at?” said Davis.

“Oh, nothing. Just wish these assholes would mo--”

And suddenly through the throng of students and teachers I saw Abbi perched on the hood of an old Sedan in the parking lot, looking bored out of her mind and utterly, utterly perfect. Without looking away I grabbed Davis’ sleeve and pulled him towards the window.

“See that girl? That’s Abbi.” I said.

Davis squinted at the parking lot. “The emo chick with the crappy car? That’s your dream girl?”

I smacked him on the shoulder and spoke, still unable to look away.

“She’s amazing. She’s artistic and good at carving, she always does her eyebrows perfectly, and she matches her makeup to the paint stains on her jacket cuffs.”

“Uh, okay. Why not wash the jacket?”

I was getting ready to reply when an unwelcome figure entered my field of vision. Seth, one of the assholes in my history class who liked to talk back to Mr. Hanson, walked up to Abbi and hugged her while she sat on the hood. And sure enough, those paint speckled cuffs wrapped around his waist and hugged right back.

I sat back in my seat and tried not to look as devastated I felt. Of course she had a boyfriend. How could a girl like that not have a boyfriend already? Besides, I didn’t have any right to be upset. Before today, I’d barely said ten words to her altogether. I opened my phone case and pulled out Abbi’s note. Why had she given me this, then?

When my stop came I rode my scooter the rest of the way home and dumped my backpack on the floor before flopping onto my bed. So, Abbi wasn’t trying to get me to ask her out. And she wasn’t asking me out, either. So...what gives? I sent her a text, trying my best to seem casual. Abbi? It’s James.

She replied a few minutes later, Cool. Was wondering when you’d text. So, what are you bringing? And don’t say your mom’s vibrator.

Oh, so that’s why she gave me her number. Of course. We hadn’t started on the sketch for our project, and we hadn’t even figured out what we were bringing. Scanning the room, I came up with the first thing I saw and texted her back. A stuffed animal?

This time, her response was almost instantaneous. What if I bring one of mine and we do like a zombie animal?

I couldn’t help sighing dreamily at her idea. I did tell Davis she was artistic, after all. Sounds cool! :)

Sweet.

As much as I wanted to keep talking to Abbi, I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I set my phone down and picked a stuffed animal I was willing to part with--a brown bear with a red ribbon--and put it in my backpack for tomorrow before hopping in the shower. I lowered myself to the floor of the tub and distantly felt the warm water hitting my chest.

[belphegor1982]

Got tagged by @kikabennet! 

when did you last sing to yourself?

Yesterday, since I’ve currently been awake for an hour and a half. Might have been either “Bonnie Portmore” or “Here’s a Health (To The Company)”. I’ve been putting a lot of shanties and pirates/sailing-related films soundtracks on to draw to (and hopefully write to) lately. (EDIT: Ooops - yep, wrote that yesterday around 11AM, so make that this afternoon; I hummed while I drew along with the first 3 Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks. It’s so darn hummable.)

if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Who was the Man in the Iron Mask!? (I know better than to ask personal/family truths :S Besides, I’m curious.)

(putting the rest under a cut...)

what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Being able to speak (mostly) and read/write English fluently.

what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

When my mum was in the hospital with my newborn baby sister, my dad would take me see them, and before that we’d stop for ice cream and a ride on the merry-go-round. That’s what comes to mind when I read “first happy memory”.

if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

I’d go see my family and friends who live far away a lot more, and eat a lot more of my favourite things.

do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

I don’t, really ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

describe a person close to your life in detail

The Best Beloved is tallish (1,77m - that’s… 5′10?), with dark brown hair, green eyes, skin that tans easily even in winter, and glasses. …and that’s as much detail as I’m comfortable putting.

do you feel you had a happy childhood?

On the whole, yes. Could’ve done without the bullying at school and the undermining of self-confidence at home, though.

when did you last cry in front of another person?

Don’t remember, so it must be at least a fortnight.

pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them

My dad, who used to sail with a compass. I don’t think he knows much about constellations, but he’s always willing to share memories, even if sometimes he doesn’t remember he’s told them multiple times.

would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Probably. I shouldn’t, though. Strangers being by definition strangers, you never know where that information is going and how it might be used (possibly against you).

when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

We both were tired and ended up going to bed around half past midnight, so no 3AM conversation, but my friend Sandrine last week.

if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

…I have no idea? I think I’d concentrate really hard on not dying :S

what is your opinion on brown eyes?

Why would it matter tho I have brown eyes and for the longest time I thought they were boring. It doesn’t help that brown hair and eyes are basically the default where I grew up/live. Then I grew up and moved on.

pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

George Bernard Shaw’s “Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.” Life is complicated, all about balance between extremes and absolutes. Don’t trust people who tell you the world is grim and serious just because they are. And while getting the giggles at a funeral/wake is inappropriate, it doesn’t mean you’re heartless.

what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

Wait, What

what would you do with one billion dollars?

I’d keep half a dozen millions for me (car and house debts), my family and my friends, and give the rest to social services, healthcare, and public services in general.

are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

Ehhh… It’s complicated. I tend to hold grudges when I can remember why, but I rarely do something about it. On the whole I’m pretty “live and let live”.

would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Neither, really. I’m too soft for punk, but pastel’s not really my thing either.

how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain

I’m too much of a wuss to even consider getting either, but they look great on other people. When I get a spot on my tongue I wonder how people with a tongue piercing manage to keep it, though. It’s very distracting.

do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

As a rule, no, but if I work or if I’m invited somewhere I’ll throw on a bit of eyeliner and lipstick. (I should raid my makeup drawer, really, some of my lipstick cases are almost 20 years old and you should NOT do that.)

talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way

In high school I saw a psychologist (junior high was NOT a happy time and the bad stuff just overflowed at one point) and went to an outpatient clinic every Wednesday. They had lots of activities, like painting on silk, various art stuff, and a band, and I loved that band. I was one of the only ones who’d request songs to sing in English. The guitarist introduced me to the Beatles’ “Something”, which I didn’t know, and to this day when I hear this lovely song I think of that guy who had a great smile, a great sense of humour and a great moustache (think George Harrison on Let It Be) who helped me get better.

list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel

Not to brag, but back in my uni days I did go to a number of them - K’s Choice, Coldplay, King Khan And His Shrines, M, Tom McRae are among the ones I remember. And a couple months ago I went to a rock concert with three bands one after the other. I love live music, it feels amazing. It courses through my body, makes me grin like a maniac, and want to jump and flail around just to vent the excess energy. And all this without a single drop of beer! (can’t stand the stuff :P)

who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

I’d love a letter from the national loto that says “here’s a giant check even though you haven’t scratched a ticket in years” :P More seriously, I LOVE receiving letters from my Internet friends.

do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I don’t really have a workspace. I have a desk, which has the desktop screen, keyboard, mouse/graphic tablet, and a whole lot of mess of papers, pens, boxes, and stuff. I can use either that desk or my laptop in my armchair.

what is your night time routine?

Finish watching the movie/tv show, look at Tumblr a bit (and/or stuff on the laptop, like TV Tropes), go to bed, read a bit on my Kindle, kiss the Best Beloved good night, switch off the lights, and try to sleep.

what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

Anything about my intimate life, thanks.

if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I experimented a bit with henna back in the day, but generally I just have haircuts (I have too little hair to risk harming it). I’d like some reddish highlights one day, though.

pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Eehhh... I’d rather stay at home and chill :P Okay, I’d take the Best Beloved and my friends Melody, Nico, Sandrine, and Aldric, and head to Marquèze. (wish their website had an English version, it’d be better.) It’s an ecomuseum about local life in the early 1800s/early 1900s, with preserved traditional houses and people showing skills like dyeing fabric, shepherding, making flour (there’s a watermill) and all sorts of cakes and bread and snacks, and an entire day isn’t too much to visit everything.

name three wishes and why you wish for them

I wish:

I had a decently-paying job from home,

my friend Sandrine’s mum were/will be all right (don’t ask),

we had the house extension built already

what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up

We didn’t have Halloween when I was growing up, it really only started to be a thing in earnest a decade or two ago. Although... One time when we lived in Bordeaux, the Best Beloved and I were invited to a housewarming party on Halloween, so people would wear costumes. I went as a witch, with a long black skirt, long-sleeve thing with black lace (-ish), long black and white wig, and of course black lipstick and lots of black around the eyes. The Best Beloved had made a cloak, a scythe of sorts with cardboard and foil, and had a scary death head mask on. We didn’t have a car and the friend lived in Saint-Médard (which is relevant), so we had to ask around the bus drivers for which bus went there.

So picture the two of us dressed as we were, mask and all, well after dark, asking around for the “S&M” bus. Yep :P (People stared at us during the ride, and unlike the Best Beloved, I didn’t have the luxury of a mask to hide my laughter...)

what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

The only time I got slightly tipsy I went a little pink and apparently talked a little louder than usual. I’ve never got drunk (too afraid of stomachache later) or high (it took my mum two heart attacks to quit smoking and I’m wondering if she hasn’t taken it up again, I can’t hold a cigarette, tobacco or otherwise).

what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Hurt people, probably. If I wouldn’t do it for ten dollars I wouldn’t do it for a million - if you agree to one or the other the rest is just haggling over price.

if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

I don’t think I have the right face shape for that - my face is too round, longer hair suits me better.

what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I live 126 km (78 miles) from the nearest Starbucks, when I walk by one the queue is huge, and the prices are well beyond my range :> But I’d trust the Best Beloved. He’d still ask me, though.

what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Being happy and/or stress-free. Also the oncoming Papa Bear Awards nominations in a week and the Eurovision Song Context coming up in May :D

Tagging @radarsteddybear, @rose-of-pollux, @truxi-twice, @myrling-art, @iorvethscommando, and @toooldforthisbutstill! :o)

[blazehedgehog]

I'm curious if at this point you're good enough at writing and video editing, to get reviews out on time, and the gimmick is just held out of legacy. It feels like you could.

There is no gimmick.

This is going to be very “how the sausage is made,” meaning it’s a long post. A very, very long post. So I’m hiding it behind a “read more” tag.

I mean, I guess there kind of was a gimmick, nine years ago when I first started doing video reviews. And that’s because I originally envisioned my video reviews as the same stuff everyone else was doing at the time: older games. I didn’t have a lot of money, so it wasn’t going to be a show for new games. It was going to be whatever I was thinking of and playing at the time, which was universally going to be old games, and usually old games I’d replayed more than once. Astal, Shenmue, Klonoa, etc. Classics and oddities.

Starting with Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing, I started doing video reviews for new games almost exclusively. I’d get a new game at launch, and from the moment it was in my hands, I’d put together a video review for TSSZ. So, it took me six weeks to put together the All-Stars Racing review. Five weeks for the Sonic Lost World review. And so on.  

When I got bold enough to start doing video reviews in HD, things started taking exponentially longer. DKC Tropical Freeze, Mario Kart 8, etc. all took me around 3 months a piece. Part of that was the methods used to create HD reviews, as my crummy Roxio Gamecap HD required huge amounts of time (weeks, sometimes) to transcode footage out of their broken format in to something Sony Vegas would accept. But I also began to incorporate more artwork in to my reviews, because I wanted to utilize a talent of mine that was beginning to atrophy. It was a good excuse to draw again.

The longest video on my channel is my “How Do We Fix Sonic?” video. It’s 30 minutes and 30 seconds long, and took me 14-16 months to put together. It took more than a hundred drawings, and even some animation, something I’d never done before. It was the biggest video project I’d ever undertaken at the time.

For reference, the Sonic Mania video review I published in July is the exact same length – 30 minutes and 30 seconds. Depending on how you count, the Sonic Mania video review was put together in three months – the same amount of time it took for Tropical Freeze, Mario Kart 8, et al.

I say “depending on how you count” because Sonic Mania came out in August of 2017, in a period of time where I was homeless. I technically had a Sonic Mania video review script written by September of 2017, but we did not find an apartment to move in to until November of 2017. And, even then, when we moved in, my desktop PC was damaged – the motherboard and power supply had suffered an electrical surge when I plugged my system in to an unsafe outlet while staying at my brother’s house in the four intervening months. I spent $200+ on replacement parts and had to rebuild the whole system, something I was not keen on doing in the middle of the holiday season in an unfamiliar town, in an unfamiliar state. I’d just left my childhood home, the place I’d spent 24 years of my life in. It was a nightmare. All of this took place a year ago, and I still feel tremendously homesick. I abandoned everyone, everywhere and everything I ever knew.

So I didn’t get my system rebuilt until March of 2018, and didn’t really get to work on the Sonic Mania video until April. April to May, May to June, June to July. Three months. For a video that was the same length as the longest, most difficult video I’d ever put together for my channel.

Tristan wanted to air my video review on the TSSZ Twitch channel on the day Sonic Mania Plus was launching. I was hoping to get it out before then, but in the end, I think I only had maybe a week (or less) between finishing my video and Plus launching. So it goes.

There’s a small lie in there, however, in that Sega offered us an early review copy of Sonic Mania Plus. I recall that I was still putting the finishing touches on the original Sonic Mania video review when I had a copy of Plus sitting here on my desk.

I took a few days to myself, just to rest and recharge, before I dove head first into producing the Sonic Mania Plus video. Except that when Sonic Mania came out in August of 2017, I finished the game once as Sonic & Tails. I started files as Tails and Knuckles, but I hadn’t really played too far with them, knowing I’d need to replay the whole game multiple times for video capture purposes. When Plus came out, I was coming off a stint of having replayed Sonic Mania four times for the capture – as Sonic & Tails (with the emeralds), as Tails, Knuckles, and Sonic alone (without the emeralds). I was not actually in the mood to keep playing it.

So my playthrough of Mania Plus was… sluggish. I think the game had been out for a week by the time I’d finished it as Mighty, Ray, and done a full playthrough of Encore Mode. But, by early August I had a video review script written and production was starting to get underway on the Sonic Mania Plus video review. I had a sketch of what I thought the review would look like in the end (called a “shotlist,” which I have uploaded here) and I was starting to capture the video I needed and whatever else.

There was one problem with this: SAGE 2018. It dropped in the middle of August and upended everything I was doing. It was a tremendous undertaking. I wrote nearly 30 pages of text about 85 games in just six days. I thought I could handle it, and in a lot of ways I did, but it left me absolutely fried. On top of the growing burnout from spending now four and a half months doing two Sonic Mania video reviews back to back.

After SAGE, I was going to take a few days off, maybe a week. It ended up being nearly four weeks. That still didn’t feel like enough. It threw everything off balance.

Getting those gears turning again was a struggle. It was October now, and I had plans to do other videos for October. Halloween videos. I split my time researching potential Halloween videos with capturing the rest of my footage (a week), doing artwork (a week and a half), and getting my voice over in order (another week, as the stress was starting to get to me, and that doesn’t make for a good environment to do voice work).

I actually tried to cut corners on my video capturing. Rather than capture footage from six full-length playthroughs of Sonic Mania, I scaled things way back, hoping I wouldn’t need quite as much b-roll as I usually capture. Instead of playing Sonic Mania to completion six more times, I:

Captured one entire playthrough of Encore Mode, minus collecting the seven emeralds. I already had a completed file with the emeralds, so having two files would let me compare the endings.

Because I wanted footage of Ray and Mighty also in Mania Mode, I split one playthrough in half between them: every three levels, I would trade off. Ray would take Green Hill, Chemical Plant, and Studiopolis, then Mighty would do Flying Battery, Press Garden, and Stardust Speedway before I’d switch back to Ray again for the next three. This gave me half of the game as each character, and one complete playthrough between them.

Similarly, I needed footage of Sonic, Tails and Knuckles in Mania mode, but since I had Sonic Mania Plus on PS4 and my original review was produced using the PC version, my save couldn’t be transferred. Instead, I grinded out Blue Spheres medals until I could unlock Debug Mode, and summarily, stage select. Then I just did the same thing, but every two levels: Sonic would get Green Hill and Chemical Plant, Tails would get Studiopolis and Flying Battery, Knuckles would get Press Garden and Stardust Speedway, etc.

Unfortunately, even with being smart like that, it wasn’t enough, and in the middle of editing everything together, I still had to go back and capture footage of specific moments to fill in the gaps I was missing. The lesson is: though you’ll throw away 99% of it, you’ll never have enough b-roll captured. Never ever.

Which brings us to the end of October, me not getting to do any Halloween videos, and the final, finished Sonic Mania Plus review. This time, 20 minutes of video in four months.

Could I have been faster? I don’t know if that’s for me to say. Even though I took a month off (almost all of September), I was still struggling really hard with burnout on the Sonic Mania Plus video. I work on these videos from home, and I have an incredibly poor work-life balance as a result. Essentially, I wake up every morning, turn on my PC, and work on whatever until I go to bed. The only breaks I take are to eat, go to the bathroom, or run errands (shop for food, help babysit my nephews, etc.)

What this really means is something that’s familiar to people who have struggled with burnout, and that’s days where all you do is sit around and worry about work but not actually do any work. I’m trying to get better about this, to have hard cutoff points in the afternoon where I stop working and let myself relax, but that’s easier said than done when you relax at the same place you also work. It’s a learning process for sure.

So, like, yeah, it could have been done a few weeks earlier, but that’s assuming I wasn’t burnt out from working too hard, which means I wouldn’t have worked super hard to get to that point anyway, so no, maybe it wouldn’t have been done a few weeks earlier. I’m not a robot.

I am, however, incredibly stressed. Still stressed about moving to Nevada, stressed about being so far behind on the videos I promised to put out, stressed out about things I won’t even mention here on tumblr because they’re personal issues.

But I am going as fast as I can. I might even be going faster than is healthy for my body.

You’ll get your videos when I’m actually done with them and not a second sooner.

But for now, I need a lot of rest. It’s time for an extended rest-and-recharge session. I still have the promised Sonic Forces video to figure out, and that’ll get done eventually, but I’m running on fumes, I need to gas back up, and it’s a big, empty tank.

[the-aesthetician-writes]

Hello from 2022 - An Update

(almost 2023, yikes! my bad!)

So I have quite the expected update to provide. I am very disappointed in myself to share that I have significantly dropped the ball on all my WIPs. It's so crazy how 2020 lasted for like three years and hasn't shown signs of slowing down.

In any case, I have found myself wanting to write again (after almost a two year pause). I've been sick recently so, not exactly the best scenario to wake up when wanting to write again. I have a few updates on WIPs past and future. But before I do that I do have a some new observations about the writing process that I wanted to share.

Recently, I have heard of this new process of writing called the Kitchen Timer Method. It's not the Pomato Method, nor is it anything too revolutionary in terms of writing methods. Put simply, the Kitchen Timer Method consists of an isolated bracket of time devoted solely to writing. This can range from an hour to ten minutes, whatever time it is, you're supposed to be writing. What has gotten me to try to latest trend is that the Kitchen Timer Method is the use of a writing journal that is to be treated separate from the current writing project. The writing journal comes in whenever one feels stumped or distracted by real life to focus on the intended project. This allows you to train yourself to slowly ween yourself off of your writer's block and get you to write something!

Among (us) other things, writer's block has definitely played a role in my recent absence from Tumblr (as well as my writing) and I feel like this recent method is especially more forgiving when compared to others. With the Kitchen Timer Method, its more focused on getting you to write and get some version of routine into your muscle memory. So if target word counts or percentages is something that perhaps keeps you away from your writing, I highly suggest the Kitchen Timer Method. I will attempt to revisit this topic again later, perhaps tomorrow, depending on my progress. The main point I wanted to make with this originally was that I will be using my sideblog @thebybyebiline for journal portions of my writing sprints using the Kitchen Timer Method.

Now, an update on a few current WIPs and IFs:

I have worked slightly on @thehuntersacethetic . I made a barely working demo using GameMaker. Game design was always something I have been wanting to explore, should be no surprise given the amount of IFs I have started. However, development on the GameMaker version of THAT is of course on hiatus because coding is hard as fuck. Any future installments regarding THAT will most likely be in an Interactive Fiction medium(Twine, ChoiceScript, etc). The very early demo link will be below, hope y'all enjoy the color yellow!

The project I am most eager to work on again is @bybyebitheway , I would like to write more than the first chapter to something just once and I feel like with what BTW was supposed to be originally, the Kitchen Timer Method will help this project along just smoothly. Having the chapter art sitting in my desktop for a couple months has also helped.

In regards to my aro baby, @tobeaspected , I will try to work on this at least twice a month, but there might not be consistent updates if I want to finish work on BTW. Another update regarding TBA, I might decide on creating TBA entirely on HTML. Twine is great and all, but severely buggy. Given the amount of time in between pauses for my projects, I would like them found the way I've left them. My experiences on creating IFs with Twine have made me paranoid at its unpredictability, but I won't deny it is a good tool to use. Maybe I will simply add a side website similar to BTW and have the same content on there. (sidenote: the MC will have to be unisex in the HTML versions since my skills are faulty and my patience for Javascript is wafer thin).

Thank you for taking the time to read this, hope y'all had a great weekend!

-TA

[schneefusslanti]

A Tale of Two Doctors

Another episode in the world of @fandomfishie​‘s Eurovision Part of Town, which I had a lot of fun co-writing this with @emmadeforests​ over the past few months. As with other EPOT works, same rules follow: a) what happens on Tumblr stays on Tumblr, b) don’t show the artists, and c) the characters in the work do not reflect the artists in real life.

Iveta likes to think she manages just fine. Rather, that she and Sandhja manage just fine. The hospital works nicely with the two of them (and, of course, it worked nicely with Gianluca and Sandhja when Iveta was called into court). The last thing she wants - or needs - is an orthopedic specialist. And definitely the last thing she wants is an orthopedic specialist who’s friends with Samra.

Dihaj was one of the earlier arrivals into town this season, and it was common knowledge that she had been bunking with Samra until she found a real job. Iveta had hoped and hoped that Dihaj wouldn’t be assigned anywhere near her - she certainly didn’t want anyone else bugging her about the stupid property dispute, it was HERS, dammit - but sadly here she was, glaring at the piece of paper notifying her about Dihaj’s new position.

    At least they’d be on opposite ends of the hospital. Nothing would happen. Right? 

After weeks of paperwork and hanging around Samra’s Miracles and Curiosities store, Dihaj’s position had finally transferred over from the Milli Secim Turu Part of Town to the Eurovision Part of Town. She’d heard all about the lab from Samra, about how Specialty Pharmacy drugs were allegedly stashed next to the a pile of lavash in the same closet (Iveta denied this), about how weird chemicals came out of the fume hood vent. But Iveta was still a doctor, and anyone who went through the hell of med school automatically earned at least some respect, property dispute or no property dispute.

As she moved into her office she noticed the of paperwork on her desk. Most of it was pretty normal: welcome letter, staff directory, other contacts in the EPOT…and an official-looking letter from the court.

To: Iveta Mukuchyan, Samra Rahimli From: District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town CC: Diana Hajiyeva Subject: Laboratory Property Dispute

The District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town will no longer settle future disputes relating to the possession of the laboratory bunker. All future conflict relating to must be settled out of court; our staff will disregard any cases between involved parties.

Iveta had received the same printout on her desk that morning. She doesn’t understand what the court is trying to say - did Ela think that Dihaj is going to start something? Or is this some kind of preventative measure, to pressure them away from coming into direct conflict? Either way, Iveta doesn’t want to bring the new employee into this. It would just end badly for Iveta - does she want to make any more enemies in this town? No. 

Despite the tension everything seemed pretty normal after the first day. Iveta would make rounds on her side of the hospital, while Dihaj made rounds on her side. The two would occasionally meet up by the coffee maker, though the most they would say was “hello,” “how are you”, and “fine, thank you.” Maybe the occasional “Excuse me” or “Pass me a spoon” but nothing else. That is, until Dihaj’s phone rang one day. And of course it had to be about the bunker. 

“Look, I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is it smells weird and I don’t think the lucky bamboo plants are lucky anymore,” complained Samra over the phone. “And I’m pretty sure it’s not something from Nina’s place.”

Armed with a coffee spoon and an ice pack in her coat pocket, Dihaj made sure to hide all the coffee stirrers in her office before Iveta arrived. She looked around and put the ice pack back in her pocket, leaving the spoon on the counter next to the coffee maker. A few minutes later Iveta walked towards the counter, coffee mug in hand. Dihaj watched from outside the break room, seeing Iveta pour coffee, add sugar, add cream. She smiled quietly as Iveta picked up the spoon to stir her drink and walked back to her office, knowing that her fellow colleague had picked up a gallium spoon. With a melting point of 30 degrees C, that spoon would settle as a layer of liquid metal at the bottom of Iveta’s coffee in about five seconds.

Iveta looked down at her coffee. Blinked. Looked again.

There was no spoon.

She could have sworn…

But it wasn’t until two minutes later, when Iveta tripped and her coffee sloshed out of her mug, that she noticed. The spoon… was now a puddle of melty metal sludge at the bottom of her cup.

Only one person could have done this.

Dihaj.

Well, naturally, she had to retaliate. So she made stops at Gabriela’s craft store and Slavko’s costume shop on her way home. Mardi Gras beads, feather boas, plastic flowers, even a horse head (she really did not want to know why Slavko had that). And she came into work an hour and a half early the next day. Couldn’t hurt to have a cushion of extra time, right? 

While Iveta was still in the break room realizing her coffee wasn’t drinkable, Dihaj went back to setting up her office on the other side of the hospital. All the technical stuff was done; the only thing left were the skeleton models she’d waited ages for to ship from her old hospital. One was used for patient education in the ortho department; another sometimes wore her backup white coat and was great for hanging stethoscopes on. The others, when not stashed in the closet,made her office Halloween every day. This time she positioned one on a step ladder and another next to the computer. Except the next day she couldn’t believe what happened…

Education Skeleton looked okay; thank goodness nothing happened to it. Step Ladder Skeleton appeared to be fine as well; it was still in its original position, except a horse head now sat on top of its shoulders. Computer Skeleton was still next to a computer, except it wasn’t next to Dihaj’s office desktop. Instead it was tied to Sandhja’s rolling laptop stand in the hallway with a feather boa, wire flowers tangled in and out of its ribcage. White Coat Skeleton looked all right sitting on a box in the corner, but given that the coat was a size or two too large and dragged at its feet, Dihaj was sure Iveta had prepared a surprise. 

For starters, Iveta had unscrewed the legs. Okay, legs falling off wasn’t too bad; it happened all the time with Dihaj moving the skeletons every few days. But really? She couldn’t believe Iveta would go all the way to find taraz from the Depi Evratasil Part of Town that managed to fit. And the box? Dihaj rolled her eyes as she saw the disgusting combination of banana on tomato sauce before finally reading the note on the inside of the box. 

You might want to check out Horse Head. Heard the school needed to borrow Yorick for the day to play Hamlet.

Iveta smirked as Dihaj came storming out of her office. 

“You… you… what did you do to my skeletons??” The other doctor exploded. 

Iveta remained calm and continued moving her stethoscope over Salvador’s chest. “As you can see, Diana, I am with a patient. Can we continue this conversation later?” She gave Dihaj a saccharine smile and proceeded to pay her no more attention. 

Dihaj returned to the corner to check under the horse head, cursing herself for ordering a skeleton with a detachable skull. Of course it was gone…

Once she’d made a few phone calls to the school confirming the situation and then to Carola for a follow-up exam after getting blown into town again, she headed to Gabriela’s craft store for some glitter.  Turned out to be more of a hassle than she expected, because someone at the pharmacy decided on making fake medication a while ago. Or maybe it wasn’t, because it meant she didn’t have to get any evidence on her shirt. Once that was done she shoved the glitter into an envelope with a few pizza coupons and thank you note for the very interesting banana pizza, double sealed it, and dropped it in the hospital mailbox. Plan and simple.

Hmm. Mail. Not a lot of that in the Eurovision Part Of Town, where most communication is either in-person or via Twitter. But maybe, Iveta thinks, it could be from one of her supervisees in the Depi Evratesil Part Of Town. She always thought Hasmik seemed the type to send on-paper notes. 

She opens it and is met with a blast of red, blue, and green glitter. Iveta blows some out of her mouth, wipes her eyes, and reads the note. Banana pizza. That was a nice touch on her part, she thinks. She stormed out of the hospital, irate (and prompting several reactions from a couple of patients, not to mention the shock she incurred in poor Ilinca at the reference desk. Poor girl spilled her entire coffee and had to get another one.), and headed to Svala’s office supplies store. This prank would be her most time-consuming yet. She prayed that Svala had Post-Its in the right colors. 

Dihaj walked into the hospital, smile disappearing once she smelled the scent of pentyl butyrate in the orthopedics department. Cherries? No. Apricots. Maybe it would have been nice had whoever sprayed it not used multiple cans, especially not while concentrated in in her office, which was…now decked from ceiling to floor in red, blue, and orange Post-its. Including her desktop. Well at least Yorick was back from the school? But even the skull was covered in red, blue, and orange. Without even checking the ground for traces of glitter, she figured the only person who would do this was her fellow colleague. 

The apricot air freshener was way overpowering. There was no way she could stay inside without a gas mask. So much for the town’s recently acquired motto of Love Love Peace Peace; this prank war had already crossed the line of “do no harm” into the danger zone. Looks like it was time for the carpet-based treatment to Wipe. Out. Everything. 

With the town directory in one hand and her phone in the other, she set up camp in an empty patient room, ready to set up one of the hardest pranks in the book. Her preceptor had warned her about other doctors doing this but she’d only seen it once on TV, and it…didn’t work very well that time.

Step one: Get a willing patient Given that Dihaj was still new to the Eurovision Part of Town she wasn’t taking any risks on figuring out who was on Samra’s side or Iveta’s side, so she searched the directory for people from the MST Part of Town. Elnur? Nah, the strip club was too unpredictable. Or Arash? He hung out in the Melodifestivalen Part of Town a lot more than the EPOT. Oh, wait…Ell’s listed number was the one that got hacked and/or disconnected  and changed into the prank call line a while ago before he got a new phone. Of course Samra wasn’t going to do it, since she was still holding up the store and checking for weird stuff coming from the lab. Eventually she decided on Dilara at the fire department. Hopefully the Baltic Boys weren’t shooting off too many fireworks at the casino in the next week… 

Step two: Have said patient appear dead Phone call with Dilara: check. Dilara agreeing to participate: check. Maybe some fake paperwork might be needed but that shouldn’t take more than five minutes. The issue was that Dilara was clearly alive, and what Dihaj needed was someone looking a bit more dead. Thank goodness for stage makeup and cosplay tutorials on YouTube, but that wasn’t going to be enough. Her patient would have to appear like she was hooked up to the EKG, but disconnected just enough to read a flat line. And hopefully her colleague wouldn’t mess up anything.

Step three: Get fellow colleague to take the “dead” patient to the morgue Ahh yes. The morgue. Also known as the one room in the hospital basement with extra air conditioning that’s technically used as an extra storage room. Due to some weird rule from outside the EPOT the hospital was required to have a morgue despite no one dying in town. There was even paperwork on the wall claiming that the place was run by a guy named Knez, who was as present in town as Monika Kuszynska’s nonexistent neighbor. But now with someone “dying", the place would actually have to be used as intended. With all the extra supplies she might even be able to pull off something even more epic than what her preceptor had mentioned.

Once the air in her office had cleared out, she opened a fresh box of chalk and started planning. Something epic, a work or art. Like that one OK Go video that YouTube had suggested. What about ending with a bucket of surgical lube falling on Iveta? But how would it work? Dihaj took another look at the supplies in the morgue: EKG wires, extension cords, oxygen tanks, glue, saline bags, coffee (expired), cleaning supplies (also expired, why was it still here anyway?), flypaper? Nice. Maybe a few more supplies borrowed from Samra? And how to start it? Maybe a remote control signal or something, which Dilara could hide under the covers. A few days of planning, check. Supplies safely hidden downstairs? Check. And now to set up this mess.

If all went as planned, Iveta would roll Dilara’s bed downstairs and park it in the right location. Once in the spot Dilara would hit her remote control and turn on the air on full blast which would hopefully (fingers crossed!) get the ball rolling to hit the rope, switch on the lighter to ignite a candle, slowly burning the rope holding up the bucket of lube hanging above Iveta, with maybe a few extra tricks just for the heck of it. Just to guarantee everything worked out, she lined the area with some flypaper just to make sure her colleague would stay in the right place and attached a camera in the corner.

And then the day had come. .  

Iveta knew the morgue as just… one of those empty, abandoned places in the Eurovision Part Of Town. This Knez guy, if he had ever even existed, had been before her time, so she’d never seen the building in use. 

As far as this prank war with Dihaj had gotten, Iveta didn’t think she would trivialize something as a patient dying. So when Dilara was rushed in, covered in soot and hooked up to a dead EKG, Iveta took it seriously, and accepted the responsibility of taking Dilara’s body to the morgue.

In retrospect, something in Iveta knew that something was probably up. Something made her check the body. 

Warm. 

Well, she had been burned, but… 

Hmm. 

Despite all the preparation and research for this prank, for every step involved there were at least two ways for it to go wrong. What if Iveta decided not to bring Dilara downstairs? Or if the remote control didn’t work? Or even worse, what if the entire setup fell apart before Iveta and Dilara made it downstairs? To Dihaj’s relief, she saw Iveta at the other end of the hallway, pushing a bed into the elevator. She ran down the stairs to the basement, half-concerned that Dilara had fallen asleep under the sheets but half-relieved that Iveta wouldn’t see her not-actually-dead patient trying not to blink.

Iveta tread more carefully. She walked into the morgue and it suddenly became freezing. Well, it was obviously a morgue, but… that wouldn’t do. She quickly walked over to the thermostat and turned it back up again. Much better. She disconnected the EKG - no need for it now, anyways - and went into the next room to get some supplies. 

Everything appeared fine until she hears something crash. 

Initially Dihaj smiled as she watched from outside the morgue. With Iveta in the other room, Dilara raised a thumbs up, confirming that the initial stage of the rig worked, freeing up the next step. They watched as the weights swing down the line to click open the lighter, and the second line to–wait a second.

Starting the moment the line hit the flame, there was a 30-second window to prevent the bucket from falling. 

Dihaj ran towards the bed, pushing Dilara out of the way making sure her patient was safe from all the damage and then running back to scan for anything else. Oh wait…

The line had broken. 

She might have been wearing slip-proof shoes, but they wouldn’t have been any use against the dull thud as the bucket hit her head.

“What is going on-” 

Iveta ran back into the room to see a perfectly alive Dilara and a knocked-out Dihaj laying in a slowly-growing puddle of surgical lube. She really should have known… it was just too convenient. She took a step forward but tripped on the pottery shards and cut her arm open. Iveta glared at Dihaj, at Dilara, at the mess, all the while cursing Samra under her breath. 

In the end, Dilara’s the one who called the hospital - rather pointless, as the two doctors were the ones incapacitated. 

“And this,” commented Judge Ela dryly as she pressed stop on Dihaj’s recording of the morgue prank, “is why we’re not taking any more cases regarding the lab property dispute. I’m not even going to do anything else; I’m pretty sure this should be enough for you two.”

Iveta and Dihaj glared at each other from their hospital beds. At Ela’s request, Sandhja had put the two doctors (for now, patients) in the same room for treatment and called in Gianluca for the day.

When they returned to their offices the day after,  they both noticed the note from the court sitting on their desks:

To: Iveta Mukuchyan, Diana Hajiyeva From: District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town CC: Samra Rahimli Subject: Laboratory Property Dispute

As previously noted the District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town (EPOT) will no longer settle future disputes relating possession of the laboratory bunker. Due to recent events related to the dispute in Municipal Hospital, this is a reminder that the ongoing dispute has gone too far. It is also noted that due to said events the morgue still needs cleaning up. Gloves and slip-proof shoes are highly recommended.

[dancekickboxcardio]

I don’t know about you guys. But when you are on your technology 📱 💻 , do you guys notice that it doesn’t do exactly what you want or you operate it like usual to no go or something is just not right. I am a computer 💻 graduate student right. Also, I had a desktop when I was a kid. I never read the instructions on how to use them or studied 🤓 how Microsoft Office works. I learned as I go. When I was working as a caregiver, I actually had a MICU contract with the Clinic a semester before graduation among all things, my client’s husband was interested in the area and picked my mind on the topic. He was amazed at my troubleshooting skills when his printer 🖨 would not work. It is really trial and error based on knowledge. My German radio 📻 won’t play. All systems are in place. I disconnect the Bluetooth and played the app. The audio was coming out of my phone 📱. I also had changed Internet connections 🔗 from DSL. Our family plan has unlimited data 🌐. Well, I am enjoying 😊 it as I want it. I had a piece of cake 🍰. I didn’t ask for heavy whipping cream. I should learn to getting by. That’s how most people live. There is something powerful in keeping yourself in check. It spills out in many areas of life. I slept 🛏 in and without guilt. I don’t have an oversleeping 💤 headache 🤕. I am happy 😃 even if I am not anywhere but the gym 🏃🏼‍♀️ 💪🏾. I wanted to take a picture 📸 of the new TRX like training area. There are boxing 🥊 bags. How exciting 😆 . I was like a new kid on the playground. Soaking in every details of this novel machinery. I was like, “What are those big disk for, how about those handles?” It was thrilling. You forgot that it’s suppose to intimidate you and many people were already enjoying it. I didn’t want to take their privacy by putting them on my tumblr. I saw Mark Consuelo training with the team. They looked 👀 so good 😊 like they have bonds. He looks angry 😤 tough. I always see him like he is a puppy 🐶. When I went around to check the new stuff, I was trying to have a feel of how everything is. Usually being in a room full of boys does not bother me. But since being in the hot 🥵 sauna 🧖🏼‍♀️ night time 🌃full of only older men, I seemed to be aware of my womanly 👩🏼 presence. It was like that stepping into the big boy training machines. The place seemed packed with stuff in all areas. That says a lot about membership. I didn’t want to be the petulant courageous in the room. There are many forms of tough but it doesn’t need to insist and push everybody around. I had no choice but to cut through the people working out. I said hi 👋🏾 to heart ❤️ attack but really I am not there. I am not up. I am slowed in reaction. I am not feeling bubbly. I didn’t want to disrupt his weightlifting. I caught him in the middle of. He is so cute in baby blue shirt 👕. He doesn’t go for cute it seems to me. I guess fatherhood does things to him. He seemed happy 😃. He’s less serious on uncharted territory. Yeah, he’s like oozing with confidence. He doesn’t look 👀 it, but I feel that he is changing. I was being strict. I need my colorful 🎒 backpack. I am also changing my lip 👄 color. Fall 🍃🍂🍁 Someone suggested to keep my summer colors. Ok, para tú. I had plans on going to the health club today even if I am skipping yoga 🧘🏼‍♀️ for full back muscle healing ⛑. When my alarm ⏰ rang, I decided without guilt that I can take #namasteinbedallday . That’s what I am doing. I slowed myself to sleep 😴 last night. I was reading 📖 a book.

I didn’t shut off right away. My mind continued to process. It’s just how it is. I can take like supplements or teas 🍵. Nyquill. I even woke up several times during the night. I am not in a bad mood 😒. I usually am because sleep 😴 is important part of functioning healthy and I know that and I am on it. I am doing what I can to do exactly the best way to increase my day’s productivity 📊📈. Today, the question ❓❔❓ begs if I should allow things to happen to me instead of me reacting and doing things to counter it. My answer right now which is different from my first solution is a balance. A push and pull. But what I had in mind is to let go. Maybe I am being too hard on being too hard. Does that make sense. It’s like you want this result so you are sticking to your approach but there are other factors that are acting upon the situation. Instead of charging at the same spot, allow it to unfold and attack. Capish 👌🏾.

I am almost done ✅ with the Lady Cop 👮🏻‍♀️ book 📚 and I can’t wait 😊 to return it. I wondered 💭 what the librarian said about the stolen book in my purse 👜. My audio dropped 🔽 and another elements presented itself, the server retrieval. The problem must be somewhere in Germany 🇩🇪. If you are schooled 🏫 in the infrastructure of the World Wide Web, you’d be amaze at the speed at which we receive information ℹ️ and the many hops it actually takes to get to us. Let me pull the class that I found invaluable from Dr. Chuck of Michigan University. It is a free course unless you want a certificate.

I lost my train of thought ✍🏾 🤔. I maybe a zombie 🧟‍♀️ slow to react and didn’t want to be bothered 😕 but I had stuff going through my mind 🧠. I find myself smiling 😃 and on further stimulus I tried to keep a straight face. I was noticing how there were many guys and they were so excitable. They keep on touching their hair, adjusting their glasses, stretching 🙆‍♂️. I suppose they want to be at their toes or they just had a full day already . Sometimes I am like that. But this day I was more, shucks I don’t want to slip from the belt on soft knees. I kept taking breaks and that’s ok. I found that I needed distraction even if it’s something I generated for myself . I remem what was on my mind. I want to know if my package 📦 shall be delivered. I think my Mom is here. I smell beef 🥩 cooking 🥘 on the stove. What an olfactory sense 👃🏾. I already drank my fit Americano ☕️. There was cold espresso on the fridge. I took many breaks oft times to relieve myself or grab a towel or check out what’s new. I have a song 🎶.

“What's new Buenos Aires?

I'm new--I want to say I'm just a little stuck on you

You'll be on me too!

I get out here Buenos Aires

Stand back--you ought to know what'cha gonna get in me

Just a little touch of star quality! “

Boy, I am up.

I just called the library , they said to bring the police 🚔 report. Thank God, I was thinking and included it on the list of items lost. I didn’t even list the cost of the Bagley Mischka wallet which would increase the value 💲💲💲💲 of the theft. My lipsticks 💄. My Tahari sunglasses 🕶 which is a little over a hundred bucks. Of course, I didn’t pay 💰 full price. What did I say? Cheapies for those without jobbies 😂. I know why Dad is a little worried 😟. He is sleepy 💤. He pulled long hours 🕡 for overtime opportunities that’s why I had to cancel 📞 my Derm 🥼 appointment. He’s bro is sick 🤒 with an infection. He’s the eldest. Is there going to be a death 💀? I maybe impervious not because I don’t have a heart ♥️ but the devastation has already been anticipated. I cannot do anything about it and I must know how to deal. Did you guys know that McCain’s son went back to his duty for like if I got it right 8 months 📅 and just returned to grieve? That’s the reality for those who serve in the armed forces even if your Dad was like a Presidential Candidate. You have to keep yourself together, honor him in the best way, and do what is your duty. That could be emotionally packed and loaded.

The day was plain really. I keep on bumping into Katie. She’s so dedicated at her job. I like her. Stacey left. She’ll be missed and I’ll always look 👀 to see if she came back. I didn’t see the newbies. I haven’t seen Jocelyn. I suppose she’s doing good for herself. She tells me she doesn’t earn a lot. I told her how I started selling books 👓 . You are starting. It get’s better. Adulting, you stick to it, you keep on, focus on what must be done ✅ and plan on a better future. There were no classes 💃🏼 afternoon. I didn’t make it to the sauna 🧖🏼‍♀️. I had to cut my time by 15 minutes ⏱ in second cardio ❤️ . I am happy 😃 that I already put in my work earlier. I stayed 30 minutes over early afternoon treadmill. So if you put it in a overall sense, I bested goal 🥅 by 15 minutes over. I saw Ahmed. I was so happy 😀 to see him. We know each other in the studio when I feel like being in the left corner. He said he has back issues too and I recommended Gina’s easier yoga 🧘‍♂️ classes. I remember Root. There was another one. I should check it out if anyone asks. Before taking my break I saw Lorene and stopped 🛑 to say hi 👋🏾. She noticed my water 💦 with lemon 🍋 and I had mention my nausea 🤢, headache 🤕, faintness 🌀. I met Jean a pediatric ICU nurse. She had a life changing medical 🏥 event. But without hesitation she recommended the Epley maneuver. Promising. It must be done ✅ by a medical practitioner and I keep on asking if a chiropractor 👨🏻‍⚕️does it. It sounds drastic. I told dance 🕺🏽buddy, we are human and we all have problems. We deal with it the best that we can. We have to determine for ourselves what’s the best action. Like if I know that folding down makes me sick 🤒, then, don’t do it. I just thought that if the prob persists for longer than 6 mons. shall I go to the ear 👂🏾 doctor? Also, aromatherapy and perhaps peppermint oil. Essential oil infused mat cleaner 🧼.

[zzpopzz]

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story*  I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely  by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed  repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

[ellenembee]

The Revelation of All Things - 23. In which Varric tags out and Dorian tags in

Read the full fic here on AO3.

Read on Tumblr (desktop)

After a few minutes of groaning at the early hour and asking the empty, darkened room why he'd imagined this to be a good idea, Dorian dragged himself out of bed, made himself presentable and took the back stairs into the lower courtyard. Evana left for Crestwood this morning, and he needed to see the Commander's reaction to her departure... among other things.

He froze on the stairs when he caught sight of the Commander and Evana in the dim, early morning light. They both leaned against the barn, and he had a full view of their profiles. She handed him a small white pouch of something, clearly having trouble looking him in the eyes as she spoke - probably a direct result of Dorian's words to her yesterday. The Commander ducked his head and tried to catch her downward gaze as he replied. Unfortunately, Dorian wasn't close enough to hear them, but he feared moving any closer would alert them to his presence.

That would make the Commander jealous, and Dorian wasn't ready for that part of the plan... yet.

Dorian stifled a laugh at the thought. If only the poor Commander knew. If Dorian got the answers he hoped for this morning, perhaps he would set the Commander's mind at ease. He shuddered slightly at the thought of revealing himself in such a way to someone he knew so little about, but if it helped his new friend...

He huffed out a small sigh. He had precious few friends, and he would do whatever he could to ensure her happiness, even if it meant putting himself on the line in the process. Although, these Southerners seemed far more accepting than he'd anticipated. Perhaps... perhaps it wouldn't be so bad after all to have the truth out there. To be able to be himself without fear of being outed or persecuted. Well, about that, anyway. He'd always be an evil "magister" from Tevinter to most.

Dorian's attention moved back to the awkward pair by the stables. Her eyes rose to the Commander's now and then, only to fluttered downward almost immediately. He could see the mixture of concern, worry and frustration on the Commander's face, along with something else Dorian couldn't quite place. Fear, perhaps? The Commander would ask her a question, and she would answer demurely, shifting her feet a little bit. Finally, he seemed to say something that caught her attention. She looked up at the Commander, her mouth forming the word, "What?"

Now that the Commander had caught her gaze, his countenance reflected a tenderness mixed with worry that Dorian had never seen on the stern military man before. This must be what he's like when they're alone. Very encouraging. The Commander's left hand rested on the pommel of his sword, but his right hand hung loose at his side. As the two continued to speak, Dorian noticed the Commander's hand squeeze into a fist, only to relax again a moment later. Perhaps a response to something she said? Or a way to keep from reaching out to her?

Dorian saw her eyes close, and she turned her head away, a pained expression on her face. The Commander's hand uncurled and tentatively rose to settle on her upper arm. He pushed off the wall and took a step toward her, his face still full of concern.

Atta boy, Commander! Now, pull her to you and kiss her like there's no tomorrow!

But, of course, he didn't. He said something - no doubt something encouraging and commander-y. She nodded and looked up at him, gratitude written all over face. Then the Commander's hand dropped and immediately clenched again. Dorian internally crowed over the funny little tell. They were both simply hopeless.

Dorian sighed out loud, then recollected himself. He looked closely, but neither appeared to have heard him. It didn't matter, however, because a few seconds later, Blackwall came out of the stables leading two horses. The Commander stepped back from Evana as Blackwall called out a friendly greeting.

"Hello there! Where are the others? It's time we were on our way."

After a somewhat shy look at the Commander, Evana walked over to Blackwall just as Dorian pushed off his spot against the tower wall and walked toward the stables. The Commander seemed to notice the movement from his peripheral vision and looked a little shocked, as well as quite put out, to see Dorian approaching.

"Dorian."

The Commander's acknowledgement came out as more of a growl than a greeting. It took all Dorian's self control to bite back the laughter bubbling up in his chest.

"Good morning, Commander! I'm just here to see off our exalted leader. I assume you're here for the same?"

"Of course."

"And to pass off trinkets? I didn't know you and our Inquisitor were so close."

The Commander started visibly, his hand raising to touch the pocket where he'd stashed the pouch, and eyed Dorian warily. Putting together in his head what I might have seen, no doubt.

"Not trinkets. Just ... she's been ... helping me with something."

"Ahhh... well, I won't tell anyone. I promise."

The Commander looked away, and Dorian strained to hear his response.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Dorian quipped.

At the comically pained expression on the Commander's face, Dorian finally let loose the laughter he'd been holding back. Hearing his laugh, Evana turned to them. She looked back and forth between them, her astonishment at seeing Dorian apparent in her looks and stance. Dorian waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Did you think I'd miss seeing you off, darling? Oh, and don't worry about those things we discussed yesterday. I'll be on my best behavior while you're away. You can leave everything to me."

She shook her head but couldn't quite fight back the smile. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm afraid of. Our ideas of ‘best behavior' are likely quite different."

Dorian quirked a brow at her and then strode over to her, gathered her up in his arms, and spun her around in a great bear hug. He stopped at just the right angle to get a good look at the Commander's face and - Oh! Blackest of black looks! Good!

"You be safe, now," he admonished a bit louder than strictly necessary. "I need to you come back to me."

Evana immediately pushed away from him and shot a glance at the Commander, who had already turned his head away and now glowered at the stable entrance.

She gave Dorian a dirty look and hissed, "I know what you're doing. Stop it!"

Dorian lowered his voice, giving it a bit of a plaintive tone. "I'm just trying to judge his reactions. How can I know how to act if I don't know how deeply in love with you he is?"

She raised her brows as an expression of terror mixed with irritation crossed her face. There was no mistaking the anger in her tone, and she forgot to lower her voice this time.

"Don't you dare! I absolutely forbid you from interfering in this!"

When she noticed the Commander turn back to them, a displeased expression on his face, she gave Dorian the most fearsome look she could apparently manage, pointed at him and spat out in a whisper, "I will kick you out of this Inquisition if you so much as bring this up with him!"

"What if he brings it up with me?"

"He would never-"

"Oh, I have ways."

She apparently decided to change tactics at this point. "Dorian, please. Don't interfere? I don't even know what I want. What if you convince him and then he changes his mind later? What if I change my mind later?" She buried her face in her hands. "Oh, Creators, I can't take this."

"Trust me! I'm good at telling people things about themselves. More interesting to tell them all about me, of course, but still..."

She raised her head and huffed a little, a pained expression back on her face. "Dorian..."

Out of the corner of his eye, Dorian had been watching the Commander tentatively approach them as their conversation turned heated. Oh, this is just too much fun. He thinks it's a lover's tiff, and he wants to protect her. He's in so deep.

"Is..." the Commander cleared his throat and started again in a firmer tone. "Is everything alright?"

Evana apparently hadn't seen him approach and jumped a little. She spun toward him, fighting off the pained expression and replacing it with a tight smile.

"Yes, yes, of course. We were... um... just talking about a potential mission."

Dorian smirked. "Oh, I'm on a mission alright."

Evana closed her eyes, took a deep breath and then opened her eyes to give the Commander an apologetic look. "I am so sorry."

Confusion flitted over the Commander's face, with good cause. Dorian ignored them now as they gazed at each other. He'd seen all he needed to see. Instead, he turned to greet the Iron Bull and Varric, who were just coming down from the upper courtyard.

"Ahh, here you two are! The Commander and I were beginning to think we'd have to replace you on this mission."

The Iron Bull snorted. "As if you could replace me."

"Not me, you brute," Dorian sniffed at the hulking Qunari. Who had a right to that much rippling muscle and raw power, anyway? Positively abhorrent. "The Commander would take your place, seeing as he can easily best you on a level playing field."

"What? You worried I'll take out my frustrations on you, Vint?"

"You can't deny you enjoy butchering my people."

"Hey," Bull protested, "butchering implies I'm gonna eat 'em. Most Vints are just gristle and fat in a red wine marinade."

Dorian raised his brows in grudging agreement. "Well, that much is true."

Varric cackled. "If Cullen's replacing Bull, that means you're replacing me? Not a chance. I don't get to see Hawke enough as it is. I'm not passing up this opportunity."

Dorian acknowledged Varric with a slight bow as the two passed by but said nothing further. Instead, he eyed the Qunari critically as Bull turned to ready his mount.

The Iron Bull had done such a superb job integrating himself into Thedosian culture as a Tal-Vashoth, Dorian had to wonder how many other supposed "defectors" from the Qun were actually spies. How many walked among them even now living out normal, un-Qunish lives when, all the while, they took their orders from the Ben Hassrath?

Bull had assimilated so well, Dorian often found himself forgetting the beast still professed to follow the Qun. At what point did the pretense end and the real Iron Bull begin? How could a person really know himself if he spent all his time pretending to be someone - something - else?

Dorian shuddered at the thought, his mind veering away from Bull and into thoughts of his own troubled youth in Tevinter. Of his father's betrayal. He gritted his teeth and inhaled deeply. Think on other things. Think of all the new books Josephine has procured for you. Think of your new, beautiful, accepting friend and how you might ensure her happiness.

His attention moved back to the group now bidding each other farewell, and he deliberately took a place next to the Commander. When she came to him, Evana gave Dorian a final look of warning, but he merely shrugged in return. Perturbed, she had to school her expression before offering the Commander a soft smile and a final farewell. Then the group turned their horses toward the gate and rode out of Skyhold.

"Well, there they go," Dorian intoned. "I have a feeling it's going to be rather boring here without them. Do you play chess, Commander?"

The Commander looked at him with a mixture of surprise and irritation. "I... yes, I do."

"Good, I'll be by with a board later. Have a nice morning!"

He left the Commander standing in the courtyard watching the Inquisitor's party until they passed completely out of view.

 **

 After a morning of developing and practicing spells with the other mages, Dorian had settled into his favorite chair in the library when Cole wandered in. The boy seemed a bit aimless, as if he were searching for something but didn't really know where to look. Dorian had been curious about the spirit boy since his arrival in Haven, but hadn't yet had the opportunity to speak with him. Now was as good a time as any.

"Hello, Cole. Are you looking for something?"

"I'm trying to find the hurt, so I can help."

Dorian considered a moment. "Well, it's not a pain or emotional scar, but you could help me by easing my curiosity."

Instantly curious, Cole moved toward him expectantly. "Yes?"

"Solas tried to explain your form to me, but I'm still a bit confused. You're not possessing a human body? You... actually look like that?"

"Yes."

Dorian was perplexed. "But a spirit's true form is always monstrous, or at least unnatural."

Cole nodded. "That's because the world doesn't make sense to them. It's too real. That's why they look wrong."

"But... this is how you want to look?

"I want to help. Looking doesn't matter."

Dorian sat forward in his chair as Cole walked a little closer to him. "Can you change your form? If you wanted to look like something else?"

"But I don't want to look like something else."

Dorian thought a moment about the implications of Cole's abilities. The conclusions were not comforting.

"Hmm. There are magisters who'd be ecstatic if they could summon a demon who could pass for human."

Cole shook his head, his voice taking on a slight tremble. "They would use it to hurt people."

"You're right about that. They would." Dorian considered another moment, then asked, "Do you need to eat? Or sleep?"

Cole shrugged. "I thought I had to. But I don't. The old songs can pull me."

"That's something. I don't know what, but it's something. What about when you're injured? Why do you bleed? Is it because you think you have to?"

"Is that why you bleed?" Cole asked.

Dorian paused, slightly taken aback. "I... Well, yes. You have me there."

"You ask a lot of questions, Dorian."

"I'm curious about you. I had no idea something like you was possible."

Cole nodded and an eager look glinted in the boy's eye. "I'm curious about you, too."

Dorian sat back in his chair, suddenly nervous. "I... I suppose you can ask me questions, if you like. I'm not sure why you'd want to, but..."

"Good! Thank you! I will let you know when I have questions. But there is hurt. I must find it."

The boy wandered out in much the same manner he wandered in. Dorian looked around him, but none of the others in the library had seemed to notice or pay any attention to the conversation.

"I'm... going to regret this, aren't I?" he muttered under his breath as thoughts of his father filled his mind and further soured his mood.

He shook off the dour thoughts and settled into reading, but a few hours later, he set the book aside. It was time to fulfill his Inquisitor's sort-of command to keep the Commander company... and ignore the other commands to not interfere in her business. If I don't do something, those two will be dancing around each other until the end of days - which, granted, might be sooner rather than later.

Dorian walked down the stairs, through the rotunda, and across the bridge to the Commander's new office in the main watch tower. The Commander, of course, begged off with the excuse of too much work. Dorian had expected as much. He hadn't expected the general look of ill health in the Commander's visage. Was this what he looked like at the end of every day? Dorian began to understand Evana's concerns.

"I'll let you off this once, Commander. But I'll be back tomorrow afternoon, so make sure you get your work done because I'll expect a game. All work and no play makes for a dull, half-witted Commander."

The Commander grunted but didn't outright tell him no. Even if he had, Dorian would have been back the next day all the same. He was on a mission, dammit.

 **

 The following day, the Commander seemed ready for Dorian as he entered the office, chessboard in tow.

"It took me a little longer than it should have," the Commander admitted, "but I finally figured out that the Inquisitor put you up to this. Her apology in the courtyard before she left was because she was sicking you on me in Varric's absence. Am I right?"

Dorian just shrugged and pulled a chair up to the Commander's desk. "What's so surprising about me wanting to spend time with our ruggedly handsome Commander? ... Don't worry. I won't try anything untoward."

Dorian noted this as the first time he'd seen the Commander look truly shocked. And then the blush came. Dorian simply continued clearing a space on the desk, fighting back equal parts apprehension and amusement. He was taking a risk in revealing himself in such a way, and a part of him still rebelled against the very idea even after the words had been spoken.

"I... you... what?"

"Relax, Commander. I'm just trying to tell you that my relationship with our Inquisitor is not at all what people seem to think." Dorian raised his eyebrows with a questioning look. "Come now. Don't tell me you haven't noticed my fabulous but unconventional style? My salacious wit? How about my lewd looks at certain soldiers?"

Cullen just stared at him. "I... can't say that I have."

"Straight as an arrow, then, eh?" Dorian sighed. "A shame. White or black?"

"What?"

"The game, Commander? White or black?"

"Oh... uh... black."

Dorian set up the board in silence as he allowed the Commander to process his words. Despite his bluster and teasing, Dorian actually had no intention of revealing Evana's thoughts to Cullen. He only intended to remove any obstacles, including himself, that might prevent the Commander from acting on his desires. Unless the Commander asked about her specifically, of course.

"So, you... uh... you and she are... what, then?"

Dorian smirked. "We are close friends. Wouldn't you say the same about yourself and the Inquisitor?"

"Yes - that is, I would like to think... yes."

"Alright, your move."

"What?"

"It's your move."

"Right!"

The Commander tried to shift gears, and Dorian felt himself relax marginally at the apparent lack of reproach for his revelation. They played in silence for some time, and Dorian saw that he would beat the Commander handily. From his attempts, however, the military man would be a proper opponent if his thoughts weren't otherwise occupied.

"I wouldn't do that, Commander," Dorian chided. "You'll put your queen in danger. Aren't you supposed to be a great battle strategist... leader the Inquisition's military forces and all that?"

The Commander seemed to shake himself from his thoughts for a moment to really look at the board. He saw immediately that the game belonged to Dorian.

"I concede this game to you, Dorian. Shall we try again? I'm afraid my mind was... elsewhere for the majority of this one."

Dorian smiled and raised an eyebrow at the Commander but only said, "Of course. I'm only too happy to let you lose to my superior skills again... unless you think you might be able to pay attention this time around?"

The Commander didn't respond, but a tinge of pink touched his cheeks as Dorian reset the board. He saw the other man lean forward with a determined look on his face and resettle himself in his chair in an attempt to focus on the game. He did much better this time, though Dorian saw his eyes turn distant more than once. As the game went on, they even managed a bit of small talk.

"So, I take it things are coming together for us here in Skyhold?"

The Commander looked up from the board. "Yes, we are in a much better place strategically, and once the renovations are complete, Skyhold will be a formidable fortress."

Dorian hummed. "And also a haven for those in need."

"By all means," the Commander assured as he looked back down to consider his next move. "We are here to protect those who cannot protect themselves - cannot fight for themselves. We have an advantage in the Inquisitor, but I would be here regardless."

"You believe in fighting for those weaker and less fortunate. I wish more of my kinsmen felt the same, putting the good of others above themselves. My friend Felix felt that way, though - proof that not all magisters are evil, mustache-twirling villains."

"I'd hardly consider you a villain, either, Dorian..." The Commander paused as if considering, then added, "though you do have the mustache."

Dorian straightened in his chair and took on a haughty demeanor in response to the Commander's deliberate goading. "Are you questioning the honor of my mustache, Commander?"

The Commander actually snorted and exclaimed, "Maker! No. I would never." His smile faded as he made his move and looked up from the board. "But you said ‘felt,' as in...?"

"Felix is dead. But surely you read the reports on Gereon?"

"Yes, his son had been ill for some time, but still Felix turned against his father in the end. I-" The Commander shifted in his chair and stared at the board for a moment before raising his eyes to Dorian. "That requires strength of character. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend."

Dorian furrowed his brow, pushing back the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm him. "Yes, well, my comment stands. I wish more people felt as you and Felix did."

The Commander looked slightly surprised but said nothing. They lapsed into concentrated silence again, and by the end of the game, Dorian noted the Commander looked much more relaxed and less ill than the day before.

"And the game is mine!" Dorian asserted with a smile. "I'm afraid I have some research to do for Fiona, so I'll to let you get back to working yourself to death. Don't worry, though. I'll be back tomorrow. Try to focus a little more next time. I feel like you could give me a run for my money if you'd put your mind to it." He put the board and pieces on an empty bookshelf. "I'll just leave these here."

The Commander nodded, Dorian turned to leave, but a quiet voice stopped him.

"Dorian..."

Dorian paused and turned back to the man who now looked as though he wished he hadn't spoken. The Commander's face contorted into a grimace, and a kind of darkness Dorian knew all too well flashed in the depths of amber eyes.

"Yes, Commander," Dorian prompted.

"How did you know?" he finally responded.

More questions! Dorian thought about playing dumb, but he wasn't interested in baiting the Commander - at least, not at the moment. If the man wanted to be straightforward about this, Dorian would not discourage him.

"Besides the dark, decidedly murderous looks every time I so much as lay a hand on our Inquisitor?"

The Commander leaned back in his chair and sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "How long since you... noticed, then?"

Dorian was a bit surprised the Commander didn't try to argue the point. Another good sign.

"Well, I had my suspicions even before we left for Redcliffe, but your look of terror at the sight of her nearly unconscious in my arms when we returned was the real tip off... that, and I came to check on her later and saw you through the window, still by her side - holding her hand."

The Commander grunted but, again, did not attempt to deny it. "And... she knows that you're, uh, not interested?"

Dorian laughed. "Yes, though she may not have guessed at why. We've talked about our friendship. She has agreed that it's all in fun... except for the one topic that seems to get under her skin whenever we talk about it."

Dorian paused and tapped his fingers on the door frame. He watched the Commander swallow hard as evidence of an internal struggle passed over his face, likely over whether or not he wanted to pursue the line of questioning further.

"Thank you, Dorian. I... it was good to get my mind away from my duties for a short time, even if I couldn't properly concentrate on the game."

Dorian decided to let it go. They had plenty of time to talk before Evana returned. In fact, he decided not to bring her up again for a while. The Commander had surprised Dorian with his nonchalant acceptance of both Felix's merits and Dorian's own... preferences, and it left Dorian with a great desire to better know Commander Cullen Rutherford.

Dare he hope for yet another friend here in the rustic South?

[braceface001]

His twin sister Roseleigh Mackenzie Poe is 120 minutes younger than him not 2 hours younger than him!

I can't believe this got in, so all of my old wixsite URL redirects to my new one, zzzquilzvegan-megan, got in, too!

What does @zayn want me to say to defend myself? He's white! I need Textrovert not mine!

If she doesn't have any arms anymore and no face soon too then I am going to replace her with 120 seconds but not 90 yet okay! This chain letter is in the future on December 28, 1998 when I said that I am six and Just Ella!

You are going to cry after you read this sad story. A sister and her brother were inside the new Walmart built in town. The sister at six years of age,the brother seventeen years of age. The brother was fixing to buy a present for his little sister on her birthday, but as soon as they were fixing to leave she had to go to the bathroom. Her brother showed her where it was, he started to look at some earrings she would probably like for her next birthday. As he started to buy them he saw people running from the end of the store screaming and yelling with fear.Before he new it he smelled smoke and saw fire, he ran to his little sister as fast as he could but when he got to the bathrooms they were already on fire. He new he had to get out as fast as he could to get help. But when the firetrucks arrived it was already to late. Two days later the family got a call from the hospital saying they have someone there by the name of Sandy.They asked "How did you get this number"? The hospital said she was holding a purse in her hand with a card that said her name and number on it. The family drove to the hospital to see their little angel. While they looked at her, they noticed her arms were almost all the way burnt off, and her face was so burned it needed surgery. But the family didn't have enough to cover the bill. So now they need you to help out! Note:: Every time someone repost this AOL will take away $2.00 off the hospital bill. DO NOT DELETE ! AOL IS TRACKING THIS repost this saying "sad walmart story"

Just don't read my Myspace bulletin to Marisa Lander about "make me The Pussycat Dolls right now" for Christy Carlson Romano and Katharine McPhee!

I don't remember what Myspace bulletins really are but it is really dumb blonde and stupid because it looks like the private message inbox that nobody wants to write!

http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=6861, meowminks video of me and Joe at Crabtree is the dumbest idea in the whole world! The south is very hot, smoking marijuana or weed with a cigarette lighter, electrical room, and/or fast food burger joint, anything else, where did the fire come from? ASMR vlogger which is Lindsay Lohan is going to break every single bone in your body someday! I need to fix my YouTube channel up some more, do you know who knows that I'm watching Little House on the Prairie Season 2 right now? I still believe and think that it's true that I was six years old when some Elijah Wood who looked seventeen years old for Seventeen Magazine said that he's me! I think Zayn Malik's Twin Sister is almost nearly six years old and is eleven years younger than Elijah Wood's birthyear. That is January 12th and Hannah Montana! I kept believing "I used to thought I was born in 1992" so I made myself go to '1992 and later' and Demi Lovato! Great, that is The Parent Trap (1998) but I kept putting him back in 1997, Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, Kristen Smith, not seventeen yet! I think Rykel's and Klai's Target are not ours! I think that's me! Let's see, I'm not going to have any arms and face... The Ohana Adventure. I just fell for The Other Boleyn Girl again! Blond is Gigi Hadid, Ariana Grande, and Skye Sweetnam! That was Georgia (country), two pure-bloods, and French-Canadian! lying down in the middle of the street challenge, how to pour a concrete slab for beginners DIY? I think I can get a car to run over a white person in mine where I am but I don't think it is going to work because they are just only too skinny to get runned over by my tires and somebody on YouTube just saved them too not just only that!

I need to clean out/up my subscriptions and liked videos both!I thought 'Heidi Kills Clara' and Jada was too funny!! I think you have the wrong eyes and ears not yours! I don't think she said that I don't think she made that noise I think I was laughing at 'I think I'm Clara not Heidi'! But @hitrecordjoe's Walmart is not ours Rykel and he was about to buy her something too expensive and where she is going to get her arms and face burned off! Was that me and Joe? She is not yet six and whoever is closer to Bridgit Mendler is going to be six sooner and soonest first! He’s “Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)” - TRAIN! I tell everybody that Edgar Allan Poe's little sister is a retarded selective mute with asperger's syndrome and autistic spectrum disorder and/or a paraplegic who just got in a car crash in Harry Potter! That's why that's me! But this is the last one because this is the third one of three tiers! Do you know what I mean by smart enough to tell you who is who? Are you guys Bridgit Mendler's new song "Dive"? I think that was Bridgit Mendler, I think I was Bridgit Mendler! I liked the idea of her but then my mommy just messed up my whole house again by putting stupid computer in my living room where I was doing blond Emma Roberts or what to do to make Emma Roberts blonder and so then she put a bunch of stuff in our dining room my daddy Teddy and Tommy and Lisa are all freaking out over her right now! Don't know what to do with all these antique sewing machines from off of eBay! That was blond! Everything Everything? My fashion line for winter clothes in the north is a digital sewing machine, okay! Not these! I don't know what the meaning of her is! He wants to get me a sewing machine called Brother not earrings! I think computers called Brother is not ours! We are in so much trouble, I don't think Brother Industries makes desktop computers, Wikipedia, that was the Columbia Enclycopedia Sixth Edition in the year 2000 or Y2K with Ruthie Camden at Columbia with Matt Camden during Dream Street's adolescence! That must've been when we went to Walmart while Winn-Dixie was changing to Big Lots during The Parent Trap and I wanted to touch size 14/16 Big Girls Mary-Kate and Ashley brand name clothing line and it's not early size zero and double zero juniors at all Olsenboye and Lizzie and Jamie Watson but even smaller and smallest (not even a size one yet, too, two?!)! I'm A Picture Book of Helen Keller! I think I can do questionnaires and surveys on Tumblr's Reblogging and Hearting Career because that was my Myspace Bulletin!

[qohesive-blog]

so we’ve got some catching up to do - obligatory college reflection // 170712

Not. Letting. This. One. Slide.

Yes, I am aware that it’s been almost exactly a year since my last post here, and I’ve got no one but myself to blame. It’s not because omg, college kept me so busy (it was), it’s not because I deleted tumblr from my phone (because I can still go on desktop), it’s not because I was so happy and satisfied with my life that I don’t need a creative outlet anymore (couldn’t be further from the truth; if anything, I need to write now more than ever); in fact, I’ve probably lost count of how many times I lied cozy in my bed, no plans on a Friday night, thinking to myself hm it’s literally been 6 months since I’ve written something even though I made a huge deal about writing consistently. oh well, can’t be bothered and then gone to watch yet another episode of Jane the Virgin. Unlike most things in my life, I won’t spend time here trying to overanalyze the specific reasons why it’s so dang hard for me to commit to writing, if there are any subconscious fears or personality traits that drive this. All I can say is that I’m exceedingly thankful for the people who God have gifted with the power of words that inspire one to move, and that I am a lazy ‘lil pooper, and that I will continue to fight the good fight. Moving on, let’s get straight into business:

Obligatory First Year College Reflection

So school officially ended over two months ago, and needless to say, I’ve been given plenty of time to reflect on my first two semesters of college. Gosh, where do I start….

The Good

I’ve had the opportunity to meet a handful of kind, genuine people who made my day brighter whenever I saw them, as well as a handful of hilarious people who make me laugh, understand my humor, make me feel comfortable, and who I just generally “click” with. And it’s been really hard for me to find those sort of people in college. 

(Angela, Claire, Tracy: in a place where I felt like I had to constantly put on at least some kind of act, you guys let me feel like myself. Thank you.)

HSM!! Composed primarily out of all the freshman people who met at AAIV. I’m thankful I was able to connect with a good group of Asian Christians who I know can support me and who I can support as well. I love you guys! 

The opportunity to get closer to Hannah and Jon! I first met Hannah at winter retreat like 4 years back, but we haven’t really talked until we were paired for STM last summer. Being able to see her every week and grabbing the occasional meal together has honestly been such a blessing this year. She’s a brilliant, hilarious, beautiful sister in Christ and I’m really really thankful she’s here at OSU. For Jon, we got closer senior year of high school, but this year we were able to actually hang out more since he’s more involved in the asian community. He’s probably the guy friend that I have the most fun with just because whenever we’re around each other we both get super goofy and it’s just a nice, refreshing breath of air from all the other stress in my life when I’m able to be around someone who I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. Through both Jon and Hannah, I’ve been able to have some pretty meaningful conversations about faith that made me reflect about my life when I otherwise would have just went with the flow of school and work.

A satisfactory relationship with my roommate. Natalie and I…..we’re not best friends, but we also don’t hate each other’s guts like most roommate horror stories I hear about. Sure, it was awkward at first because we didn’t really talk that much outside of typical pleasantries, but after a while I started to realize that it was simply her personality: Natalie is, like me at the core, introverted, a minimalist but efficient conversationalist, and one who doesn’t usually initiate conversation. And although it’s a bummer that I’m not coming out of my first year of college, locked arm-in-arm with my newfound soulmate and a binding roommate for the next three years, I appreciated the pocket of peace and quiet that Natalie offered me whenever I came back to the room, exhausted from networking events and club meetings and talking to people I didn’t want to talk to, to some much appreciated solace. Nevertheless, throughout our time together I was slowly able to see some of Natalie’s hidden quirks that she conceals underneath a seemingly stoic exterior; she spends her Friday nights baking cookies for us, she refers to herself as a “free bird”, she blasts country music in the shower and sings along with it when she doesn’t know that I came home early. 

Expanding my circle of people I usually interact with. All throughout high school, I’ve mainly just kept to my comfortable Asian community. Not that there was ever anything wrong with that, and not that I’ve completely changed from that, but I just wanted to put myself in situations in which I wasn’t used to, just because I think it’s important for me to do so since I literally can’t socialize with non asians lol. 

(Jon, Natalie, Alex, Jess, Erin, Truman, Tyeal, Gitu, Emma, Shiyuan, Ros, Joling, Dillon, Johann: you guys really didn’t have to keep talking to me. I know I’m super awkward, weird, and just generally not the typical person you’d hang out with, but you guys tolerated me at the least and made your way into my life at the most. Thank you for talking about your favorite books with me, and letting me show you my favorite youtube videos. Thank you for acting disappointed when I said I was going to go up to my room at because my shift ended an hour ago and I wanna sleep, dangit, and then being genuinely excited to see me reluctantly agree to stay a little longer. Thank you for showing me your collection of sketches when I showed you my own, and then drawing your own sketch of me for me to keep. Thank you for stopping at my room, knocking frantically at my door at 2am to freak out over relationship drama, and even though I may have answered the door all grumpy, mouth set in a scowl because I had an 8am the next morning, secretly I was relieved that I had been able to reach that level of closeness with a new friend.)

Really good grades!!!! Like, realllyyyy good, like I got all A’s!!!!!!! I’m actually pretty excited about this one, since in high school each semester was usually tainted by one bad grade. To be fair, first year business students don’t exactly have the most difficult of schedules, but I’m gonna choose optimism over cynicism this time and take the opportunity to feel proud of myself. I maintained a pretty good work ethic throughout the two semesters, and the best part of it? I think I’m falling in love with learning again. Seriously, I’m excited to learn. High school was different; in high school, I got the A not because I learned the material well, but because all I had in mind were collegescollegescolleges. Now that pressure is off- I’m at a mediocre state school with a lot less competition and a lot less toxicity, and that’s really given me the chance to reexamine my  relationship with education and place it under a whole new light. It helps that most of my professors were pretty amazing (Writing for Engineers and Anthropology professors come to mind) and the courses I choose got me absolutely PUMPED to get to class (Chinese Film, Korean). Of course, perhaps I’m speaking too early and I’ll actually find myself hating school once again when I’m drowning under accounting and statistics next year, but I’ll enjoy the feeling while it lasts…..

Tried new things. This year, I joined a J2K group that was doing Seventeen’s Aju nice. The last time I performed dance was in 3rd grade during my fleeting one year relationship with ballet. I’m not a horrible dancer by any means, but I’m also far from the best; in fact, I’d probably place myself slightly below average. Nevertheless, I’m pretty proud that I was able to try out this new experience, and all the hours we put in each week practicing never felt like work; it was always a fun time dancing with the other people on my team and learning how to make our moves look better. Spring semester, I also joined a fraternity. Phi Chi Theta is a professional business fraternity, but it was still something that was way out of my comfort zone. I unfortunately did not realize this fact until a few months after I joined since I jumped into it rather impulsively, but I have too much pride in me to drop it (and I also already paid $150 for two semesters). I don’t want to shy away from this just because I’m not comfortable, though. Most of the people here in PCT are really different than me. They party, drink, make jokes that I’m not used to, and are just a group that I would not have associated with if it not had been for a) a few of my friends in PCT who told me it was a good group b) my pride c) the stinging rejection of not making it past the final round of BUCC interviews (a topic for a later date) d) my pride e) my pride (sensing a pattern here? once again, a topic for a later date). Given the second chance, I honestly would not have chosen to rush PCT again, but….I’m here. And even though most of the people here are intimidating, there’s also a few handful of people that I’m curious to get to know a little better, so for the time being I have to work with what I got. 

There’s probably a lot of other good stuff that have happened, but for the sake of cutting this short, I’m gonna move on. Hopefully I can revisit this topic later!

The Bad

Social anxiety. Not actual, diagnosed social anxiety, but…I don’t know. Looking back at it all, I was very, very, very naive when I applied to colleges. I thought just because I enjoyed talking among my little bubble of friends back home meant that I was a social butterfly and thus suited for business. WRONG. I’m not a social butterfly, as I quickly learned within my few first months here. Maybe I’m just really good at hiding it or something because literally the amount of people who have been shocked when I say I’m an introvert….(which is actually extremely disturbing to me lol because I’m like the biggest insecure introvert in the entire world what the heck) I hate talking, people make me nervous, I constantly recite conversations in my head before I say them, I freak out over me messing up on a word which makes me mess up even more, I hate frat parties, I hate it when I have to leave my room, I just hate hate hate hate social interaction I DON’T LIKE IT. It scares me and I can literally feel my skin crawl thinking about how awkward I am. The thing is, none of these fears really came to light until this year; I, at one point, even questioned if I were an extrovert back in high school. You know what, though? It was because home was familiar. Jerome friends were people who I literally spent 4+ years growing up with. Church friends, some twice as long, even longer. I was “social” because I was comfortable, and I also thrived within the subcultures that I was familiar with. But coming here? Everything is different. I’m not in the Dublin bubble anymore, I can’t make the same jokes around my asian friends as I do around other people. This literally broke me lol I had an identity crisis. I stopped speaking up, I feel constantly self conscious about everything, my face turns red when I’m the slightest bit embarrassed (I’ve never had that happen to me before), and I stutter when I talk. But even with these things, I look pretty much normal from an external point of view; I don’t think people think this way about me when they first meet me as much as I do. I feel like these things are so big just because I’m hyperaware of everything but I’m scared that if given enough time, they will become so big that other people start to notice too. I’m actually mildly bitter towards high school and Jerome because I was so sheltered there; people have told me Jerome was weird but this is the first time I’m actually understanding the meaning of that lol. Jerome is weird, we don’t socialize with people the way you typically socialize with people in college, and I really should be more than mildly bitter at both the environment I grew up in and myself for not being more proactive, but at the same time, I’m not sure if I would change it. Weird. Need more time to think about this.

Slightly related, a crippling anxiety that business may not be the right path for me. Yeah, so I hate talking to people and speaking up. Literally the opposite of business. A part of me wonders if me taking AP Chemistry freshman year at Jerome was a contributing factor in me not wanting to pursue science. A big part of me wants to say yes. I wasn’t bad at Chem or Bio, not bad at all, but the pressure of forcing myself to take an AP class as a freshman really ruined learning science for me and left a bad taste in my mouth at the mention of science ever since then. Now, I realize that I really wasn’t horrible at those subjects and am familiar with a more efficient way to learn and I can’t help but feel that my personality is more suited for science, maybe biology or something? I value school and I value education and genuity and kindness and I’ve met some business students who don’t really meet that. Of course, I’m sure there are business majors who are the most amazing people you could meet, but I can firmly, 300% say that I’ve statistically clicked better with non-business majors. Once again, though, I’m too stubborn to drop this, and  part of me is hoping that things will get better when my classes get smaller and I get to know Fisher students a little better. Fingers crossed.

I don’t really feel connected to church. I wanted to take both semesters off from 4c and try out some other churches in Columbus for the sake of expanding my comfort circle, and because I really needed a break (once again, a topic for a later time). Well, I didn’t exactly do just that. Whether it’s because I did so out of guilt or out of my own free will, I still went to 4c. Not every week, but enough that I didn’t really fully immerse myself in a different church for the duration of last year. As a result, I was neither fully committed to 4c nor other churches. I’ve given it some thought though, and though I’m a bit disappointing that I didn’t get to spend as much time with the Veritas congregation as I wanted to, I think I should still stick to 4c for now. There’s resignations that I have about 4c, but at the end of the day, it’s my home church, and I feel like I should stay and take time to build its community.

The Things Yet to Come

Of course, it would suck to end on such a depressing note. here’s a few of the things to come in the future, some potentially good, some potentially bad; I hate having my expectations crushed so I like to keep future thoughts mostly ambivalent.

I’m gonna be a membership chair for KSA next year! Equally mixed feeling about this. Considering my earlier rant about ihatetalkingithinki’mawkwardnoonewantstotalktome, and considering family heads are basically the forefront of internal communications with the club, I’m extremely, extremely nervous. Thomas and Lisa know what they’re doing though, and they’ve done a good job so far about getting all of us to help prepare the basic details for next year. I just really, really don’t want to disappoint them and I don’t want the disappoint the rest of the e-board who picked me to be one of the four family heads out of all the rest of everyone to apply. KSA is a really cool organization, and I’d love for me to be able to personally get to know a small portion of its members, and I really, really hope my anxiety doesn’t get in the way. I’ve got a few things prepared to hopefully make the experience memorable for my future family: I got a new camera that I’m planning on vlogging with whenever we go on outings, I ordered a bunch of stationary so I can write cute birthday notes to people, and I wanna make a survey to hand out to everyone at the first meeting to gauge everyone’s expectations and get to know them on a basic level (aka taking a picture of everyone’s faces and memorizing them because I’m horrible with names). I’m praying that I won’t be too awkward to my family next semester

asl;dfjalkj ROOMING WITH HSM GIRLS AHHHHHHHH I’m so excited for this yes yes yes!!! Meeting new people has been quite the experience last year but I’ve been absolutely hyped for the opportunity to finally be able to be on the same floor as the ladies who I feel most comfortable with !!! I’ll be rooming with maddie, Claire with Hannah, and then Jesse with a random roommate and we’ll all be in one square. I myself have spent the past month pinning and buying home decor for me and maddie’s room (at the expense of my poor wallet) and last week I made this really sweet flower pressed picture frame! This is the first time I’ve actually been this involved with home decor lol; my room has always been a hideous amalgram of  clippings, notebooks, trinkets, just everything that I’m too afraid to throw away. Planning for next year’s room has really changed me lol. I’m even thinking of going back and reorganizing my shelf (!!!) once I get home to make my room look more ~minimalistic~ lol.

New freshmennnnnnnnn hehehehe I’m actually kind of eager to see the new freshmen that are gonna be on campus next year. Pretty stoked that Hannah and Jenna will still be here; hopefully I’ll use this opportunity to get closer to them! It’ll be nice finally graduating from the #new2osu rank hahahaha.

Classes! This one is also kind of mixed lol. I’m really looking forward to Korean, I’ve been practicing over the summer and kind of miss seeing my classmates every day. Accounting and Stats I’m absolutely terrified for since I’ve never been good with numbers, but after the events of last year I’m filled with a determination I’ve never felt before to tackle tough academics and maybe turn them into my strengths???? For what it’s worth, I bought a bunch of new notebooks from IKEA and new highlighters and that always motivates me to take real good notes.

So there’s probably a million things that I’m missing, but I’ve been sitting here typing for the good majority of 3 hours and my fingers feel kind of funny hahaha. I got the basic stuff for the most part, and it feels really really satisfying to have finally been able to lay something down on this blog after a year hiatus. There’s definitely topics that I still wanna write about, so here’s to the continued battle against inertia and an ever inspired heart!