#tumblr deleted like half my tags here

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

[solar-halos]

would yall hate me if i made a racially motivated poll

[silverselfshippingchaos]

I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭

[pikachugirltits]

I keep on trying to make this post and keep on erasing it but I think I need to take a break from Tumblr.

[enslaughts]

claire tried to be carmy's pete bla bla she doesn't even know who pete IS.... she literally just fell in love with the worst person anyone could ever fall in love with at age like fourteen. it's not that deep i promise

[ice-sculptures]

is replying to posts weird. like. do people still do that

[shuicheese]

okay but if i tried to change one of my tags to something else using some mass tag replacer will that destroy my blog or was that solved years ago-

[biioniic-biiohazard]

imagine leaving a server over two whole words, throwing a tantrum in some unrelated group chat, lying about taking a break, and then begging for an invite back only to sit in call in complete silence, say "mexican," laugh, and then apologize and leave call right after

(((and then a few hours later pass out like nothing happened))))

it's like actual child behaviour, and now i know why someone we know is blocked! :D i feel insane because today was really really fucking weird and i honestly do not plan on unblocking them again anywhere after that shit because it's just running in circles every fuckin day it sucks

[5ummit]

AO3 Ship Stats: Year In Bad Data

You may have seen this AO3 Year In Review.

It hasn’t crossed my tumblr dash but it sure is circulating on twitter with 3.5M views, 10K likes, 17K retweets and counting. Normally this would be great! I love data and charts and comparisons!

Except this data is GARBAGE and belongs in the TRASH.

I first noticed something fishy when I realized that Steve/Bucky – the 5th largest ship on AO3 by total fic count – wasn’t on this Top 100 list anywhere. I know Marvel’s popularity has fallen in recent years, but not that much. Especially considering some of the other ships that made it on the list. You mean to tell me a femslash HP ship (Mary MacDonald/Lily Potter) in which one half of the pairing was so minor I had to look up her name because she was only mentioned once in a single flashback scene beat fandom juggernaut Stucky? I call bullshit.

Now obviously jumping to conclusions based on gut instinct alone is horrible practice... but it is a good place to start. So let’s look at the actual numbers and discover why this entire dataset sits on a throne of lies.

Here are the results of filtering the Steve/Bucky tag for all works created between Jan 1, 2023 and Dec 31, 2023:

Not only would that place Steve/Bucky at #23 on this list, if the other counts are correct (hint: they're not), it’s also well above the 1520-new-work cutoff of the #100 spot. So how the fuck is it not on the list? Let’s check out the author’s FAQ to see if there’s some important factor we’re missing.

The first thing you’ll probably notice in the FAQ is that the data is being scraped from publicly available works. That means anything privated and only accessible to logged-in users isn’t counted. This is Sin #1. Already the data is inaccurate because we’re not actually counting all of the published fics, but the bots needed to do data collection on this scale can't easily scrape privated fics so I kinda get it. We’ll roll with this for now and see if it at least makes the numbers make more sense:

Nope. Logging out only reduced the total by a couple hundred. Even if one were to choose the most restrictive possible definition of "new works" and filter out all crossovers and incomplete fics, Steve/Bucky would still have a yearly total of 2,305. Yet the list claims their total is somewhere below 1,500? What the fuck is going on here?

Let’s look at another ship for comparison. This time one that’s very recent and popular enough to make it on the list so we have an actual reference value for comparison: Nick/Charlie (Heartstopper). According to the list, this ship sits at #34 this year with a total of 2630 new works. But what’s AO3 say?

Off by a hundred or so but the values are much closer at least!

If we dig further into the FAQ though we discover Sin #2 (and the most egregious): the counting method. The yearly fic counts are NOT determined by filtering for a certain time period, they’re determined by simply taking a snapshot of the total number of fics in a ship tag at the end of the year and subtracting the previous end-of-year total. For example, if you check a ship tag on Jan 1, 2023 and it has 10,000 fics and check it again on Jan 1, 2024 and it now has 12,000 fics, the difference (2,000) would be the number of "new works" on this chart.

At first glance this subtraction method might seem like a perfectly valid way to count fics, and it’s certainly the easiest way, but it can and did have major consequences to the point of making the entire dataset functionally meaningless. Why? If any older works are deleted or privated, every single one of those will be subtracted from the current year fic count. And to make the problem even worse, beginning at the end of last year there was a big scare about AI scraping fics from AO3, which caused hundreds, if not thousands, of users to lock down their fics or delete them.

The magnitude of this fuck up may not be immediately obvious so let’s look at an example to see how this works in practice.

Say we have two ships. Ship A is more than a decade old with a large fanbase. Ship B is only a couple years old but gaining traction. On Jan 1, 2023, Ship A had a catalog of 50,000 fics and ship B had 5,000. Both ships have 3,000 new works published in 2023. However, 4% of the older works in each fandom were either privated or deleted during that same time (this percentage is was just chosen to make the math easy but it’s close to reality).

Ship A: 50,000 x 4% = 2,000 removed works Ship B: 5,000 x 4% = 200 removed works

Ship A: 3,000 - 2,000 = 1,000 "new" works Ship B: 3,000 - 200 = 2,800 "new" works

This gives Ship A a net gain of 1,000 and Ship B a net gain of 2,800 despite both fandoms producing the exact same number of new works that year. And neither one of these reported counts are the actual new works count (3,000). THIS explains the drastic difference in ranking between a ship like Steve/Bucky and Nick/Charlie.

How is this a useful measure of anything? You can't draw any conclusions about the current size and popularity of a fandom based on this data.

With this system, not only is the reported "new works" count incorrect, the older, larger fandom will always be punished and it’s count disproportionately reduced simply for the sin of being an older, larger fandom. This example doesn’t even take into account that people are going to be way more likely to delete an old fic they're no longer proud of in a fandom they no longer care about than a fic that was just written, so the deletion percentage for the older fandom should theoretically be even larger in comparison.

And if that wasn't bad enough, the author of this "study" KNEW the data was tainted and chose to present it as meaningful anyway. You will only find this if you click through to the FAQ and read about the author’s methodology, something 99.99% of people will NOT do (and even those who do may not understand the true significance of this problem):

The author may try to argue their post states that the tags "which had the greatest gain in total public fanworks” are shown on the chart, which makes it not a lie, but a error on the viewer’s part in not interpreting their data correctly. This is bullshit. Their chart CLEARLY titles the fic count column “New Works” which it explicitly is NOT, by their own admission! It should be titled “Net Gain in Works” or something similar.

Even if it were correctly titled though, the general public would not understand the difference, would interpret the numbers as new works anyway (because net gain is functionally meaningless as we've just discovered), and would base conclusions on their incorrect assumptions. There’s no getting around that… other than doing the counts correctly in the first place. This would be a much larger task but I strongly believe you shouldn’t take on a project like this if you can’t do it right.

To sum up, just because someone put a lot of work into gathering data and making a nice color-coded chart, doesn’t mean the data is GOOD or VALUABLE.

[druidwolf21]

Part of first impressions

Roboute Guilliman.

There is smut in here, but it's under a cut so you can read the rest without any warnings.

Your evening takes a turn when you try to leave the party.

Tag list: @jaghatai-khock @beckyninja @lemon-russ @moodymisty

@cosmic-cryptid-from-beyond

Your eyes locked on the intricate carvings of the mahogany doors as you beelined for your exit, weaving in and out of the waves of bodies as you inched closer to your escape, your golden heels clicked across marbled floors and velvetine carpets as you slipped around a large gaggle of blustering politicians. You twisted to avoid a serf, her hands laden high with steaming dishes, your dress swirling around you as you spun before fluttering back down as you came to an abrupt stop.

You'd missed the large shadow moving towards you in your desperation to get to the exit and now you found your self face to face (or face to body) with a mass of muscle. Your body stumbled and you cursed your lack of your usual britches as you felt your heel snag on the hem of your gown. You closed your eyes waiting for the collision with the floor, an impact that never came.You felt a strong hand circle your back and support you and your eyes flew open to see the face of guilliman looking down at you as he caught you.

You eyes met his and you found yourself in a sea of blue as you stared at him, his gaze stern but gentle as he guided you back upright. His eyebrow cocked slightly as he continued to match your gaze, lost in a boiling ocean of emotion he hid behind a stoney face. You felt a flush climb up your neck into your cheeks as he slowly released your waist

"so lonely" you muttered softly, still staring before catching yourself and finally looking away, fussing with your dress to hide your sudden embarrassment.

A flash of surprise reached his face before vanishing as quickly as it appeared.

"forgive me, my lady I should have minded my step more carefully"

You looked back up at him as he smiled gently, his eyes seemed to search your face for something for a moment looking for something you weren't sure was there.

"not at all, my lord, I need to watch where I'm going" you smiled back, your first genuine smile of the night "if I hadn't have been rushing, I probably would've seen you, considering... Well" your grin broadened as you gestured to his notice height difference.

You weren't ashamed to admit you eyed up the rest of him at the same time. Tall muscular features, tucked under white and ultramarine blue linen. Cropped blond locks framing a far too handsome face.

A chuckle rumbled deep in the primark and he nodded, pulling your gaze away from his broad chest back to his face. He smile seemed easier than it had a moment ago and the stern looks on his face had relaxed.

"if you are in such a rush, perhaps you would allow me to escort you, my lady?" He cocked his head slightly, eyes seeking out yours again as you hummed in thought before offering out your hand and allowing him to guide you to the door.

Roboute had reached out the grab the young woman on instinct as you flinched before walking into him, his hand gently caressing the small of your back. Goosebumps ran up his arm as he felt you soft skin and the warmth of your body as your weight fell into him.

He looked down and was trapped by a bright inquisitive gaze holding his own.Looking him dead in the eyes, no fear, no reverence, just curiosity.

Who the hell were you?

He had gently guided you to your feet, reluctant to remove his hand and loose the feeling of your heat on his skin.

"so lonely" he had heard you whisper as you looked at him. One of his hearts had damn near somersaulted in his chest as the words left your lips, he felt naked, like you could see right to his soul. He finally removed his hand as he watched you blush and fiddle with your dress, his eyes travelled over you admiring the pink that dusted your cheeks, follow the colour as it creeped down your neck, past your collar bones and lower, his pupils narrowed and he eyed the curve of your breasts under the silk, letting his eyes travel lower to your hips before returning to your face.

When he finally spoke he smiled, relieved when you lifted your face and met his eyes again, gently laughing as you apologized to him. He saw the ways your eyes trailed over his body as you spoke, just as he had done to you.

Throne, was he enjoying this?

He nodded to himself slightly, making up his mind to get you alone somewhere so he could find out more, more about you, who you were, your likes and dislikes, he wanted to hear your soft laugh again, he wanted to hear you say as name as he...

He was pulled from his day dream as you held out a small hand towards him and nodded towards the door. Taking your small digits in his, reveling in how small you felt, he led you towards the exit, leaving the sound of the party behind you, everything mite to him except the sound of your voice as you finally told him your name.

You allowed yourself to be gently pulled down the corridor you had so desperately tried to reach as the noise of the gathering faded to a low hum. The gas lanterns peppering the wall cast a warm glow across the floor and guilliman's face as he walked beside you, a gentle smile on his face as he listened to you talk about your home. You found yourself rattling off tales of growing up in the manor, playing with servants and tumbling in mud with the low born children in the alleys, stories of getting in trouble with your parents for associating with soldiers and traders as you got older.

His face had grown sombre as you told him if your parents death and your brother's ascension to govenor and if the empty lonely feeling you had now if not knowing what the future held. All of this had come pouring out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.

As you continued down the corridor, his hand had continued to hold yours, refusing to let go as he listened to you waffle, he squeezed your hand gently when you told him how you felt lost, longing for something more and looked down at you with a soft look on his face as you talked.

"I'm so sorry, Ive talked about myself for so long, I haven't stopped to ask about you" you hummed, coming to a stop and running your thumb absently mindedly over his hand.

Guilliman felt the heat creep across his face at your touch, he glanced down to watch as your thumb rubbed gentle circles on his hand, he felt his hearts pounding in his chest and the hairs on his arm stand up as he realised he could see the curve of your breast through the top of your gown.

He coughed slightly to hide his embarrassment and began to tell you about his journey here and his interaction with various ambassadors before you gently interrupted him.

"no, I want to know about you. Your favourite food, tell me about Macragge."

He stared at you blankly, a million thoughts and feelings flooding through his mind before a wide smile spread across his face. He knelt down, face to face with you and beguiled you with tales of the fortress monastery of hera, being taught history, politics and war by his foster father konor.

He watched your eyes light up as he told you about growing up in the fortress surrounded by magistrates and soldiers and he saw the empathy and grief on your face when you told him about konor's assassination and felt the gentle squeeze of your hand.

He rose back to his feet finally releasing your hand to run a fist through his hair. Taking a deep breath he spoke.

"my lady, If it would please you, I would have to join me on the Macragges honour, the galaxy is vast and your company would go a long way to ease the monotony, for both of us"

Go with Guilliman

Your mouth fell agape as you realised what he was asking you, roboute guilliman, Primark of the ultramarines, lord regent, had asked you to accompany him. You looked questioningly at him, searching his face for any trace of a lie, but he remained stoic, the weight of his stare heavy on your shoulders.

He was right. You knew he was. The galaxy was so big and there was nothing left for you here. But out there?

Worlds upon worlds of adventure and people, people who didn't know where you came from, who your brother was.

Speaking of; hadn't your brother said he wanted you out of his hair anyway?

Thoughts of ancient tomb worlds and foggy mountains encased in ice and fire raced through your thoughts as mischievous grin snaked it's way across your face. reaching up and pulling the aquilla from your hair, allowing your locks you fall freely around your face you reached for his hand again and placed the pin in his palm. He looked down at the pin, then back to you, cocking a brow. He smile growing to match yours as he saw the adventurous gleam in your eye.

"let me grab my bag"

Stay behind

You stood, shocked for a moment before gently shaking your head and stepping back.

"my lord, I would love nothing more, but my brother is all I have... He needs me"

You watched as a thinly disguised look of disappointment graced the giants face before disappearing. He nodded his understanding and gently took your hand, placing a chaste kiss on the back before attempting to guide you back towards the party.

Guilliman's shoulders dropped in defeat and he took the woman's hand in his own. He had expecting this answer, but it hurts none the less.

A small squeeze on his finger made him look down and he stopped in his tracks. Tears poured down your face as your shoulder shook, silently despairing at your own choice.

He sighed and knelt, cupping your face and sweeping tears away.

"please let me stay, just a little longer" you whispered, leaning into his touch. He voice hoarse from holding back tears.

Guilliman nodded, and began muttering tales of rebels, rocky peaks and alien horror. He hoped to spark the fire he had seen in you at the party, relight the curious look in your eyes that had drawn him in so deeply.

But the dusk was fading into morning light and the familiar roar of the Macragges honour echoed off the walls.

And time stopped for no man.

Not even him.

SMUT

Based on going with guilliman

You raced towards your room as fast as your heels would allow, the amused Primark in tow smirking slightly as you cursed at your shoes slowing you down. You heard a poorly concealed chuckle from him as you growled and, finally conceding defeat, stopped to rip your sandals from your feet. Finally reaching your door you flung it open, tossing your footwear to a lonely corner you began to gather some essentials.

You heard the door click shut softly as roboute followed you in, he cast a look around the room before watching you tear around tossing clothing and various items into a small bag. His eyes widened a bit as he watched as you dropped to your knees reaching under the bed, he couldn't stop himself admiring the curve of your ass as you dropped low, back arched as you stretched to reach something. A low grumble sounded in his chest as you stood up huffing.

"I can't reach anything in this stupid dress" you huffed, clawing at the knot that held your dress closed around your back. You glanced at guilliman, who very pointedly avoided your quizzical look.

"I'm so sorry to ask, my lord, but would you mind?" Embarrassment etched all over your face as you gestured weakly to your dress "I need to get changed but I can't get this wretched thing off"

Guilliman swallowed dryly and nodded slightly, stepping over to you, you turned away from him and lifted your hair away from your neck exposing the tight bow of soft silk near your shoulder blade. He reached out to untangle the fabric, but found himself tracing a finger down the curve of your neck, from the corner of your jaw down to your back before finally teasing the fabric loose. He heard your breath hitch at his touch as saw goosebumps rise on your skin at his touch, fearing he had overstepped, he started to pull his hand away, until you sighed gently and tipped your head, exposing the soft skin of your throat and shrugged your dress to the floor. He felt his breathing increase and his dick harden as he leant down, placing a soft kiss on you shoulder as a hand found your jaw and another caressed it's way across your bare stomach.

You moaned gently as his lips moved up your neck, his fingers gently rubbing your jaw, he pulled you closer to him and you felt his arousal brush against your ass. You turned, cupping his face in your hands as he rested his hands on your hips, his fingers gently moulding your skin.

"roboute" you whispered, face flushed as you nibbled your lip.

His eyes flashed and you gasped as his lips captured yours in a fierce kiss, you felt his tongue run across your lip and moaned into him, the Primark picked you up, hands grasping your ass and squeezing as he carried you towards the bed. You wrapped your arms around his neck, desperate to taste him as you felt heat rise in your stomach.

He placed you on the bed gently pulling away from the kiss and caressing your face, he stood up and pulled his toga and tunic off over his head, muscles rippling as he moved. Your eyes followed his movements as he paused before shaking off his trousers. You felt heat rush down at the sight of him as he crawled over the bed towards you.

"my lady" he muttered, lifting your thigh and peppering kisses from your knees, down towards your core. You moaned as you felt his mouth in you, his tongue flicking around your clit as he kneeded your thighs, You tangled your hands into his hair and ground your hips into him as he continued to lick you, sucking and flicking at your cunt as you chased the building pressure.

"say my name" he whispered, leaving you squirming, so close to release as he held you down waiting for your response.

"roboute, please"

He looked at you, gasping and writhing and feeling his dick twitch, dived back down to bring you over the edge, you felt him smirk as you came, you breath hitching as you shook.

Wiping your fluids from his face, he pulled you towards him, eyes burning with desire as he kissed you again, hand grasping desperately at your body You arched into his touch, tasting yourself on his lips. You gasped as you felt his tip brushing against your entrance and he pulled back to look at you concerned.

"please" you whimpered, shuffling your hips towards him "I want this"

"we don't have to do thi.."

You cut him off by biting his lips, earning a low growl from your lover. His face buried in your shoulder as he slid into you, groaning into your skin as he felt you stretch around him. Your hands clawed as his shoulders as he filled you up, and you threw your head back as he finally seated himself fully in you.

Guilliman huffed as he felt your muscle spasm around him, tight and wet. He could feel you pushing into him, quivering as he spread you to your limit.

He slowly pulled himself backwards before thrusting back into you, listening to the lewd sounds your tight little pussy made and the mewling from your mouth almost made him feral and he continued to drive into you, gradually picking up speed as he fucked you.

"throne youre so tight" he grunted as his hips slammed into yours, he could feel your wet leaking down your thighs as you came, you walls pulsing around him, pulling him in closer. He reached up and grasped the headboard, lifting your butt slightly with his other hand and wrapping one of your thighs around him so he could look down at you. Your eyes were heavy and your lips, plump and well kissed had parted into a small o shape as he fucked you silly. You fisted at the sheets as you felt him hit the right spot deep inside you, Cock drunk you threw your head back.

"roboute, roboute"

You chanted his name like a prayer, your tits bouncing with each thrust, shining slightly under the thin sheen of sweat covering you, guilliman could feel himself peaking, he gritted his teeth, edging himself to last as long as he could, unwilling to stop ruining you as he felt your walls heave again, the wooden headboard cracked until his grasp, he was so close.

Gasping you reached up and touched his face, caressing his cheek and running a thumb along his lip.

"roboute" you sighed, eyes filled with lust and care shining up at him.

He grunted and felt himself come undone, pumping his cum deep inside you as he called your name. you felt him twitching as he filled you and you wrapped you legs as far around his as you could, holding him tight as he finished. Panting, he gathered you in his arms and rolled over, still sheathed inside you so you were lying across his stomach and chest, you could hear the dual thumping of his hearts as you rested your head on his pectoral muscles, running a hand gently up and down the line of muscle. you felt his hand come to rest in the small of your back as his heart rate gradually slowed and you looked up at him.

"I don't normally do this yknow" you sniped, suddenly realising the weight of what you'd done. You lay your head back down "I mean, I dont want you to think... I'm not..." You stumbled over your words.

You shook slightly as he laughed, his chest reverberating with the sounds.

"I wouldn't think you did my lady.... But I would like to make this normal for us"

You smiled and looked back up, his handsome face framed by a single shaft of early morning light creeping through a window.

"well, I did agree to go with you"

[xitsensunmoon]

Biting the Hand That Feeds au FAQ (Vampires + donor au)

Any general content warnings for bhtf au?

Yes. A normal amount of fnaf warnings, a normal amount of vampire warnings. For someone who doesn't know I elaborate... For vampire stuff, the most obvious ones are blood, hypnosis, bites, and animalistic behaviour. Less obvious - slightly suggestive themes. For fnaf - fnaf's usual violence, dark themes, a drop of gore and murders. The lore is uh. Very dark. I will try to decrease the amount of all of the cruelty but man. People who know, know how hard it will be. But I will tag everything properly so don't worry.

Is there a fic for your au?

No. And currently, I'm not even planning on writing one.

How do I find the story?

For now, we have two comics that are directly connected and one that doesn't have a specific place in the story but is about canonical lore.

[ 1 ] - [ 2 ] - [ x ]

In future, we will have more and I probably absolutely will forget to update this post so I recommend checking the tags. Here's the tag list

Tip: don't click the tag. Tumblr hides half of the results. Type it in the blog's search instead :)

Are the comics the only canonical thing about au?

No! I answer asks and draw a lot of doodles with bhtf au all the time and 90% of them are canon. You can, yet again, find everything in the tag list linked in the previous question.

Can I draw/write fan stuff for your au?

Yes, please!! I'm always happy to see fanart and fan writings and literally everything that you do! Just tag me when you post and use a fanart or fanwriting tag for au specifically so I don't miss it!

Can you include my characters in your story?

No, unfortunately, I cannot. The story is already written and I don't have any "space" for background characters either. Maybe it will change but currently, things are like this.

I asked a question with an interaction with my characters and I never got an answer, why?

I don't accept such requests. I'm not ready to spend my time drawing other people's characters for free(if I personally don't want to, of course)

Is there any limit to how many questions I can ask?

No, not at all! You can ask all you want just please make sure your question wasn't answered before. There is a big possibility I will just simply delete it if it was answered beforehand many times. Check the ask tag for it.

What about limitations? Any boundaries?

Please no questions about tickling🧍‍♀️ I got so many of those it already makes me uncomfortable. And for some reason, a lot of people send asks that include violence towards my characters and while I don't really feel uncomfortable with this I just idk what to answer and why are you even doing this lmao

What questions I should avoid?

Well, not really avoid but I will mention it anyway.

The things I have planned to draw right now:

- Sun and Moon and y/n's first meeting

- The creation of Sun&Moon

- Why S&M are sensitive to light and darkness

- How they hunt

So no need to ask me about these. I will show it, I promise.

What about sexual themes?

I understand that I post a lot of suggestive stuff and it may appear I allow such a thing but no.

You can create content with it tho, I don't mind for the most part. Just be ready that I may not reblog it, as my Tumblr is a SFW place. It's always 50/50.

Romantic themes?

I do draw some kisses and cuddles when I feel like it and you of course can send ideas for cute interactions but in the story we're very far away from it lol.

My question gets ignored even though I followed everything that you mentioned here. Why?

Answered in main FAQ.

Can I share the ideas for your au with you?

YES!!! Yes, yes and yes! I'm very open to that, like yes! The only thing that I definitely want to mention - you should expect that I actually can take your ideas and use them. Some people are protective of their ideas so if you're like this you probably should not share them with me :)

The information that you're using for your au is wrong.

Happens sometimes yeah. I know nothing about any medical stuff for y/n so I usually improvise. After all it's an au about robotic vampires man, this information is absolutely wrong. But! You're free to drop feedback/constructive criticism in my inbox!

Will be updated later

[aurelim]

Hey do you know any other mermaid/siren whatever of the water merfolk sort IF's? because there aren't a lot

I also loved as the ocean lures, hope to see more of it in the future

thank you so much! I hope to write more of it in the future 😂

As for mermaid/siren/anything water-like creatures, I’ve got a few. Most of them are just intro posts and ones with demos that are pretty short, so I’ll split it up into two categories along with their tumblr blogs. There are some finished ones as well but you’re going to have to pay for the entire game so I don’t know if you’re going to want to pay in order to read the whole thing. I won’t put it but I can add some if you’d like!

I don’t really follow VNs so you’re just going to get text-based games. Sorry about that 😅

There was another demo for a game called Kalopsia but it seems to have been deleted. And there’s another game where you’re found and then saved by a captain. Both were on itch.io but I can’t find either one.

Demos

Abysm’s Veil [thread] by Jacic (inspiration for ATOL, about the rusalki)

The Sea Maiden [thread] by Jacic (they have some other games but they’re short if you really want to check them out!)

Beyond the Waves by @allthatwrites (inspiration for ATOL, related to The Little Mermaid)

Voiceless: A Siren’s Song [thread] by Fare (MC is not a mermaid but they can help one!)

Disenchanted by @disenchantedif (you can choose to be a siren)

Drown With Me by @barbwritesstuff

Siren Call by @darkpetal16 (it’s based on Undertale and while MC is not a siren Sans definitely is)

Intro Posts

…And I Am Undone by @fakeyellow (short story based on Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid)

When Silence Speaks by @whensilencespeaks (seems to be on hiatus but the idea is really interesting!)

In Deeper Tides by @indeepertidesif (Disenchanted spin-off)

Through the Waves by @throughthewaves-if (this just came out recently and honestly I wouldn’t have known about it if I didn’t look at Zee’s reblog of it!)

I know there’s more, but I just don’t remember them or have yet to see them. If there is, please let me know!

There are some other IFs that are water related like @riptide-if (which is surfer related) but they’re not about mermaids or sirens.

Also, here’s interact-if’s list of mermaid IFs or water-related stuff if you’d like to take a gander. You can also just look up forums and Reddit for any mermaid recs. I’ve seen a few posts for them and people have given some. But I think I’ll cap it off here.

I’m so sorry to all the people I’ve tagged, but it makes it easier for people to just go to your profile and look at the amazing things that are cooking right now. Also because I’ve been making this list for about an hour and a half nonstop and I’d like to give my hands a rest 😅

(although I will tag @elegantunknownphantom as Zee probably has some IFs too that I didn’t list)

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

*claps and rubs hands together* alright you miscreants, behold! epic literature provided by moi

~ You Might Be King Of Half The World, But You’ll Not Own Me As Well by WickedTheRedHorse (a literal masterpiece, i’m being so serious rn. when i say i only ship fanon darklina, this is what i mean)

~ the reports associated with my existence have been significantly misconstrued by davidstennant (multi-media fics aren’t usually my jam, but this, this is good jam. exquisite jam. would gladly slather it over some challa bread and feast) [note: hasn’t been updated since may last year]

~ Liar’s Waltz (based on the poll) by @sunlightsage (first rhysta fic i ever read🤌🏾🤌🏾)

~ House of Mirrors by ae_neon (love a widow whose husband died under mysterious circumstances — @ae-neon)

~ Burial Rites in Crepuscular Hours by Existential_Teatime (badass alina rights, badass alina wrongs, when she makes the darkling question his intelligence>>>)

~ #8024 by SimplyAnotherWriter (marinette in arkham. that’s it)

~ The Journey to You by Thisishowitbegins (responsible for my resolute belief that timinette is the superior maribat ship, can’t believe this the author’s debut fic) [note: updates may be long as author grew incredibly busy]

~ Feylin Oneshots by Bookish_Gal (let’s be honest here, it’s by @bookishfeylin, need i say more. if you haven’t read it, what are you doing? alexander and adora live on my heart. also dragon tamlin, like hello???)

~ A Court of Frost and Embers by Midnight_Wishes (i made a whole, 6 minute long tiktok abt this on my first acc (that got banned because that clock app is so damn sensitive) really took my feycien obsession from brainworm to brainrot. the absolute longing and devastating angst because lucien knows feyre needs to break the curse yet falls for her anyway, but feyre doesn’t know so she just thinks lucien’s avoiding her for no reason. crushes my heart in the best way. and their calanmai scene, whew) [edit: @goforth-ladymidnight is the author’s tumblr)

~ heaven can’t help me now by disarmed (completed, perfect, there aren’t enough feycien infidelity fics out there)

~ The Girl and the Wolf by MythNinesevenine (miss janet dreams that she was as good at writing as @longsightmyth, DREAMS, i said)

~ A Court of Family Secrets and A Court of Flames and Shadows by flamesandshadows (feyre not going back to rhys after she finds out, nesta not going on that stupid hike, feycien friendship revival, eris and elain sibling relationship, elucien, azris, feyre ruling hewn city. literally all i could ask for)

~ Riddles in the Dark by flamesandshadows (feyre never gets sa’d utm. that’s it)

~ Sacrifice by flamesandshadows (rhys doesn’t get his powers back in acowar)

~ Reputation by flamesandshadows (nyx learns that his family isn’t as innocent as he grew up believing, especially his father. my favorite part, he goes absolute ape shit and deadass almost kills rhysand when he finds out what happened utm)

~ The Great Ikea Game by IcedAquarius (have you ever played hide and seek in ikea with your brothers and then you meet a girl that helps you with god-like magic because she’s bored? well that happens to damian wayne) [first work in an incomplete series but this work itself is completed]

~ Second Best by stormpill (Second Best Cinematic Universe is an actual collection with 75 works across 15 fandoms, Inspired by Second Best - stormpill is an actual tag. SB was a cultural reset. two sun summoners? genius. fjerdan barbie is the best inside joke i know. this shit was so good y’all, i’m so sad it was deleted)

~ Dragonlight by Anonymous (tgt/asoiaf crossover. alina lands in king’s landing (ha, get it) and ends up in a sacrifice by that mad king dude to bring back dragons, except due to her small science, it works. so now alya’s a dragon mama to six firebreathing cuties. alina and that rhaegar dude (that’s his name right?) marry to protect alina from his father cuz bro is called the mad king for a reason. political intrigue, yum.) [sporadic updates]

Veiled Wings and Shattered Panoramas — A Series by Dragonfly08 (@dragonfly0808 S4 REWRITE IS TOMORROW🥳🥳. best winx rewrite like ever. netflix wishes, WISHES, that they could ever be as good as writing winx as dragonfly is. btw A Withering Pretense is the best rewrite, argue with your mother)

if you don’t read at least one of these, i will cry🙂

[supercalime]

A goodbye post I guess?

Hey yall, i wanted to write something about all of this as this may be the last time I talk about this show. Apologies in advance, this will be long and all over the place cause im using this little essay to get it off my chest and help me calm down my anxiety. Strap in, this will be a doozy.

First off, no matter how sad and disappointed we are, let’s please not stoop down to the level of those fans when it comes to voicing our issues with this situation. Please, let’s not harass, call people names, send them threats, etc. we can voice our opinions in an adult way, and although it fucking hurts and it makes us want to shout from the rooftops and call Murphy, Minear and Stark every name in the sun, we need to be grown ups and come out on top of it.

That being said, I want to first acknowledge how fun and cool yall are. We endured A LOT of shit since april and all that bullshit didn’t stop you from keeping the positivity going. I applaud you all for that. It has been hard. I came in contact and became friends with some really nice people here and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I loved being a part of this fandom and it physically hurts me that this feels like it was all for nothing.

Even though I feel like a fool as well, I hate to see how you are all so sad with this. This wasn’t our fault. We were not naive for believing that this storyline could’ve been great. Don’t blame yourself for being taken advantage of. Because that’s what they did. They saw the opportunity to profit from a community and took it. They are the ones in the wrong. They used us for brownie points and then tossed us away like trash the second they got what they wanted. It’s on them.

What I’m about to say now will sound hypocritical as I’m writing this at 2am while trying to cope with an anxiety attack caused by this very show, but what we can take away from this is that unfortunately, we can’t rely on tv shows for happiness. Yes, that’s a bitter pill to swallow, specially in this political climate as we were hoping for some sort of escape from the horrors of the elections. What i took away from this is that I need to (for lack of a better word) touch grass. I need hobbies, I need friends. All things that I’ve been lacking because fandom stuff is easier. I need to find stuff that makes me happy that doesn’t depend on outside factors. But also I want to make sure that if a show is all you have, that’s okay and is even more okay to feel betrayed. I was an absolute mess a few years ago when a show I adored stabbed their fans in the back, but it gets better. You still get angry remembering you were done dirty but I promise that the memories that stick are the positive ones.

I don’t wanna go on a deleting spree but I also don’t want to be reminded of this hurtful moment as the wound is still fresh, so I’m deciding to reevaluate some things offline, like I did with previous fandoms, and come back when I’m ready. I don’t think I’ll leave tumblr or never watch/talk about 911 again but I need some time and space from it so I can feel better. I don’t want to doom scroll through the tags like I did tonight. What Ryan Murphy, Tim Minear and Oliver Stark did to us was awful, but the best thing I can do is not let these three men influence my mental health. I won’t let a tv show ruin me because it’s not my fault. It’s not our fault to believe that there were half decent people in the entertainment industry that cares about the portrayal of queer individuals. They will have to sleep at night with that knowledge and deal with the consequences from the BoBs. And if these guys decide to humor the BoBs that’s their funeral. It would further show they never cared about representation and just wanted to save face after making so many people miserable for simply enjoying a canon ship. I hope they can see the consequences because I’m not even the target here. I’m hurt for all the queer men that saw themselves in buck and tommy, that even messaged the actors thanking them for their honest portrayal.

In conclusion, here’s my goodbye (for now).

Thank you so much bucktommy nation!

Yall are the best,

Love, Lety 🖤

[cherishingstydia]

I woke up to many things in my askbox which I will not be individually replying to. I deleted them all. This all started because I said both sides (buddie and b”cktommy) have toxic people. You can write paragraph after paragraph, berating me for things I’ve never done had no part in, nor would I ever do (and it’s a very small fraction of shippers that even do this) but it does not change the fact both sides have toxic people…..strange the only people getting mad are…ya know what I’m not even gonna say which side is mad if you know you know(hint: it’s not buddie shippers). I said what I said and I stand by it I NEVER once excused anyone’s disgusting behavior…simple solution if you don’t like me or what I have to say hit the block button.

There was a common theme to the messages so maybe some of it was the same person I don’t know but here’s some things that were said to me.

“Buddie fans wished death on Lou” obviously that’s is not ok at all however the same has been done to Ryan.

“Buddie fans sent death wishes to Bucktommy shippers” again not ok but literally again same thing and I know from personal experience I was told to die just for saying I didn’t like B*cktommy\T*mmy.

Like obviously harassing or wishing death upon anyone is not ok at all and I never said it was, stop twisting my words, and stop blaming all buddie shippers when half the things I’m being accused of I have no part in, nor do interact with people who do I literally talk to maybe like 4 people between tumblr and tiktok and none of them would EVER take part in any of the vile behavior I’m being accused of, and if they did we would no longer be speaking!

Another one of the key points of these were how I don’t call out bad behavior from buddie shippers…mind you the post that got them riled up was calling out bad behavior and toxicity of both sides, but i guess I’m only supposed to call out buddie shippers.

Didn’t tag them and filtered the name because I don’t feel like getting bombarded any more than I already was. Which I still expect more but I didn’t want to say nothing.