#tumblr ate my personal tag for you OMG

[ohbo-ohno]

Hey, new follower here!

Can I just say how phenomenal Lamb to the Slaughter was?! Everything I look for in a read

Do you have any more works similar to this or do any of your mutuals by any chance?

I’m totally crap with tumblr so can’t really navigate much in the ways of finding my kinda reads

All the love <3

omg hi hi!!!! im so so glad you enjoyed lamb to the slaughter! tysm for coming over here to tell me!!!

my fic "i'll eat you whole" (ao3, tumblr) is pretty similar to ltts in vibes, and you can look through my kinktober (ao3, tumblr) for a ton of different pwp ghoap oneshots of mine! my personal faves for them are days 7, 9 11, 18, and 28 <3

@ceilidho's "the terrible nature of ghosts" is like the twisty ghoap fic, if you like my stuff i guarantee you'll love hers

@tafkamayle's darker ghost stuff is soooo good too. i really enjoyed "debts paid", "stalking stuffer", and "presented unkindly"!! but remember to always read the tags on their ao3 <3

EDIT but oh my god i cannot believe i forgot this masterpiece by @391780!!! quite literally perfection when it comes to dark ghoap fic

for mutual noncon (dubcon?) i absolutely ate upppp "not more than once", which has some forced voyeurism, protective/possessive ghost, and suffering johnny!

"the hand that feeds" has slow-ish updates but im enamored with the premises! post apocolyptic, cannibal ghost kidnaps/"saves" soap and keeps him as a pet <3

there are definitely 10000% more, but i can't think of any right now :( im also totallyyyy forgetting tumblr ghoap people, because most folks here prefer x reader stuff, but you should definitely dig around here!!!

thanks so much for the ask!

[playboifenty]

╰┈➤*.⋆🎬 ❝ 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒖 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅?

🩷 • 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐲𝐚𝐳 x 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 headcanons!

SPOTIFY • YOUTUBE MUSIC • TAGLIST • INFO

��. 〄 . ᗢ . ?

🎧 ⋆ NOW PLAYING: WHAT YOU HEARD ━ SONDER. 🎶

―🌟TAGS ! fluff, angst, toxicity, hurt/comfort ish. 🎞 SUMMARY: ❛ fuck yo mind up, waste time. ❜ high hopes, unrealistic dreams, empty promises, and bottles of expensive ass champagne is the foundation of the relationship between the two. ⋆ ★ w/c: 1.1k . . . . . ☢ content warnings: a lilllll teeny tiny bit (a lot a bit) of toxicity... (its brent idk what you expected), comfort if you squint n bend your morals a bit, suggestive-ish themes, brent is a lil sassy cause why tf not, use of the n word, and ermm..lmk if i missed anything else!! ― 🔖 one , two .

ʚ 𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐫 ! 👁️‍🗨️

omg, omg, omg, hiii!!!! this is like..my first fic on tumblr and my first piece of writing in a whileee, but i wanted to write something cause i kinda sorta have nothing on my account 😭. and this fic lowkey has like a toxic relationship in mind for their relationship but its not overly toxic. (i understand the whole media for impressionable audiences thing but just scroll past it if you not fw it, relaxxx.) so this is just a lil sumn for and to get the hang of things, so let me know if you like it!! feedback is definitely appreciated, but not harsh feedback cause im lowkey sensitive 🥲. i also do not condone, romanticize, or encourage toxic, abusive, or unhealthy relationships!! this is purely just a work of fiction. enjoy!

© don't steal my shit gang. kinda proofread, will be edited.

It started off with a few stolen glances and a sudden gift disguised as a piece of chocolate cake arriving at your table… 

“Courtesy of the table across from you.”  

And it’s been history ever since. 

“I know you seen me looking at you, you know how to grab a nigga’s attention fasho.”

“Mhm, you know you playing wit’ fire right?”

“Fire aint nothing forreal if you know how to handle it.” 

He was always finding some way to make you fold and he knew exactly what he was doing too. Stringing you on with quick but sensual kisses, “I gotchu, jus’ be patient.” licking his lips whenever the energy of his heated stares was matched by you, his hands rhythmically rubbing up and down your thighs, his eyes always being locked on you whenever you spoke. . .There was no way in hell you were going to make it out unscathed. 

Quick and flirty banter is definitely a pillar in you guy’s relationship, feeling comfortable enough to go back and forth with each other.

“Don’t miss me too much! i’ll see you soon, baby.”

“Dont miss you too much? I’ll be missing you the whole week, ma.” 

He loved buying you bracelets and necklaces with his or your name engraved on them, cute lil’ bags he be seeing you eyeing whenever you walk through Chanel, giving you personalized free VIP access to his shows, shit...sending drivers to pick you up and bring you to said shows. And he always made sure you ate and did whatever you needed to do.

“You eat? Nah fuck that, you hungry?” 

“...Maybe.”

“...Don’t play with me, y/n.”

Brent is definitely a sweet-heart in the beginning, well...in his own little way. He’s a romantic but not hopeless. He knew how to show you he cared while also not overplaying his part and things would definitely need time to build up into an actual relationship too. You weren’t stupid, you knew that even though you knew him on a deeper level than all the fame and even as far as to say you knew him as Christopher, he’s still gonna Brent Faiyaz at the end of the day. There were still going to be precautions, external problems, internal problems, and then internal problems egged on by the external ones; loving him was going to be anything but easy. But your connection started to change in different ways too, the relationship would start off with lots of excitement and rose-tinted lenses until feelings started growing and shit got serious; you was thinking it was going to give Jackie Brown and a dash of search & rescue baby...but in reality, it's giving what you heard and session 32 😭. (coughs in this nigga has avoidant attachment issues) 

As soon as he realized what you two had going on was developing into something deeper, he started getting distant. Missing calls, ignoring texts, even coming up with half-assed excuses for missed dates and blowing you off. 

“My bad, I had a lot of shit going on.” 

“I was in the studio, you know how it be, y/n.”

 “I got too caught up in London, that shit was crazy.” 

“You think i could call you back though?” 

And soon the arguments came and you two started staying mad at each other for days on end, not even bothering to try and smooth things over like in the beginning of the relationship. It was hard and it gave you a lot of anxiety. You wouldn't say that you felt unsafe perse, but you definitely didn't feel comfortable. “You mean to tell me that you can't answer the fucking phone for three seconds, Chris??” You shouted, frustration built up in your voice and it was obvious that you were fed the fuck up. It didn't help that the man sitting in front of you was quick to roll his eyes and smack his teeth, but what definitely didn't help was his smart-ass mouth. “Ain't nobody tell you to hit my jack and start losing yo shit, y/n. That's the shit that be blowing me.” 

“I don’t hear from you for days and you expect me to not get worried? You’re mad at me for giving a fuck about you??”

“Whatever, man.”

The whole thing would just progressively get worse as you two went back and forth. you saying petty shit while he just dismissed your feelings until he decided that he would just tell you shit you wanted to hear so the situation would be deaded.

 “I’m sorry, y/n...” he’d say soothingly in your ear, massaging your hips in circular motions as you’d lay your head on top of his chest, close to where his heart beats. “You know I be missing you like crazy. you can't stay mad at me for too long, baby.” and he was right. This routine repeated and repeated itself over and over again until he stopped ‘comforting’ you and just seemingly stopped caring altogether. 

“Nah bro, you tweakin’.” 

“Okay, y/n. stop calling my phone then, problem solved.”

“And you swear you don’t see how your point doesn’t make sense?”

“You got it, y/n.”

With time, you two just broke away from each other, but never ended things officially. It went from short brief phone calls to text messages and eventually, those stopped too. A hole was left in your chest and you couldn’t help but feel as if you wasted your time, continuously punishing yourself because you gave out a part of yourself you won't get back ━ but you couldn’t help but miss him. You’d find yourself compensating for his absence, making two plates of everything, migrating to his unspoken side of the bed, never taking the flowers he got you out of the vase you put them in; even though they long withered away. “I can't believe this nigga got me out here wasting food, groceries are expensive...Eggs are almost four fucking dollars! I can't do this shit, I need to get a grip and be fucking forreal.” 

But let's not pretend he didn’t find himself trying to make sense of your absence, too. 

⋆ ⤏ FINAL WORDS ! 📢 honestly this doesn't feel like it's 1k+ words but it is 😭. i'm so tired chile and i start school in 4 hours. i'm actually content with how this came out, fw it!!

PART TWO COMING SOON.

📸 TAGS !

[lupeloto]

tag game wednesday :>

thank u for the tagss @creepkinginc @energievie @lingy910y @such-a-barbarian @mickeysgaymom @transmickey @golden28s @ardent-fox @milkovichrules i love doing these!

name: laurel🌿

last song you listened to: killer by phoebe bridgers🫣

artist on Spotify giving you the feels right now: noah kahan forever and always, boygenius forever and always

fave Blorbo Moment: such a difficult question... i mean i have an entire multiple-page document about him so... i'll just go season-by-season

s1 - "thought you were working today... i'll meet you there in twenty" orrr "i like 'em sweet" like okay girl omg

s2 - the eyes he gave ian while he was shotgunning the beer in the dugout (he's a slut)

s3 - him making little pizza rolls with his oven-mitt an the snacks and drinks he got for his date with ian someone sedate me

s4 - of course of course of course the cop-car-coming-out-scene (could cry thinking about it)

s5 - "sorry i'm late"

s6 - *internal screaming*

s7 - "whatcha doin' here then?" orrrr "you ever think about me?" (he just wants to be loved no one touch me)

s10 - "i definitely love one" orrr "you're so sensitive" (bc it happened it's canon it literally happened i was there)

s11 - oh nothing just him planning that whole party that was entirely based off of the theme of their wedding and recruiting all of he and ian's loved ones without ian knowing a single thing about it.... or "get it yourself, bitch...fuck are you gonna do?" like he ate

your guilty pleasure snack: i will eat seventeen entire bags of salt & vinegar chips

what food are you craving today: chipotle

last fanfic tab you opened: only one of my fav one-shots ever that i reread literally all the time - “so collect your scars and wear them well” by tinyinkstaunedbird

favorite fic project you've created: that’s hard hmmm prob “nothin’ bad” on ao3 or “michellan star pizza rolls” or “mother-hen mode” on ao3 orrrr my “pretty-huh?” ficlet on tumblr heheh

next tattoo you want (or would consider if you're not a tattoo person): i have a whole list muahaha

what's living in your head rent free this week: lots of the bear this week... need them to come back to me

i'm superrrr behind but i'll tag some peeps anyways @mickeyheartian @gallawitchxx @heymrspatel @michellemisfit @vintagelacerosette @scurvgirl @deathclassic @jademickian @stocious @auds-and-evens

[alakazamboni-blog]

For the ask game! 🍓 , 🐇 ,🧃, 🍄 , 🔪 , 🦷 ,☁️ , 🌸

OMG tumblr ate this ask for two days! sorry!!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

Oh this definitely started in college. I started reading fanfiction on and off (homestuck lol) in the 2012/2013 era. By 2016, my senior year in college, I was miserable and almost entirely reliant on tf2 and Danny Phantom fanfiction as a form of escape. My favorite fics, Phantom of Truth and its sequel Shadow of a Doubt, inspired me to finally start writing. My first works were terribly cringe hahaha and will die a nostalgic death entombed in my old laptop under the many things in my closet.

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

never written reader inserts (unless you count second person pov). original characters for sure

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

I try to keep a lot of my personal life offline. I don't have a big social media presence. Hmmmm... I really really really wanted to be a paleontologist when I was a kid. I got really good at identifying bones and knew a lot of the names of dinosaurs. I don't remember them anymore, but I used to I swear! (source: 5 yo me)

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

:) My fav ship right now is serirei (of course), but i am very partial to ekurei and grey ghost. Despite my track record on AO3, I'm actually not a big shipper. I mostly like comedy and or angst, and in my writing, I like to explore alien concepts and humanity.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I have researched how long does it take a human to suffocate? to freeze to death? etc but I think these topics are probably pretty common among writers.

For fanfiction, I've researched nuclear physics, decay, and what's actually dangerous in a nuclear fallout event :0

For an original writing project (still unfinished - still unposted anywhere - i need it to be perfect cause i love it), I researched animal tranquilizers and probably got put on a list cause apparently that's a commonly abused drug. I don't know if that's the weirdest topic I've researched, but its definitely the most eyeopening one to a whole underworld I wasn't even looking for 0.0

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

1.) Humans are human. Even the people with physical and mental problems. You'll get very far by treating everyone with respect and love.

2.) Take things slow. This isn't a race. You'll find where your going when you get there.

3.) Touch grass. Literally. Go outside and do something. The simple act of leaving your house or office resets your brain, and you'll find yourself better off in the long term.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

:3 i wanted my fan username to be different from my normal one (in case a friend or family member or coworker searches me), so that forced me to choose something i'd remember. i went with alakazam + zamboni

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

i absolutely love animals and have so many pets! two dogs and a praying mantis. my girlfriend has two cats.

i also keep and raise a few different invertebrates like discoid roaches, giant canyon isopods, dwarf white isopods, superworms (and darkling beatles), and black soldier fly larvae (and soldier flies).

I used to have a bearded dragon (hence my feeder bug colonies), but he recently passed.

i do eventually want to have a koi pond, chickens, a rosy boa, some different millipedes, some silk moths, freshwater shrimp, starry night reed frogs, and i'll always keep dogs with me.

I'll post pictures later under the tag alakazanimals

[sunnyscript]

Hal Jordan and Poison Ivy for the blorbo bingo if you’d like to :D.

OMG Thank you for sending this in my ask. I've colored Hal in a neon light green and Pamela in Dark green.

About Hal:

You can probably tell by glancing at my archives tags but I'm obsessed with Hal. Their personality, their grief, their sins as parallax, their redemption, their gender...

They're very different from me yet i relate to them a lot.

Also you can read them as autistic which is always a + in my book.

But the thing is, they're not really relevant anymore. Most interesting iteration of them happened YEARS AGO (though the green lantern's sleepers book was nice). And most of what is made of them today is some Han Solo/Maverick bs and they've really lost depth. I was tempted to use 'refuse to acknowledge canon' but decided against it because i like canon. I like good canon. I'm not going to have access to 2023 green lantern comic but i can only hope they will make Hal pathetic again✊.

About Poison ivy:

I like Poison Ivy a lot (unlike Harley), I'm just not obssessed. I would enjoy her character more if i was lol. Favourite thing about her is her environmentalism.

I especially like the fact that she is relevant and can aquire more depth (especially since she's been stripped out of some really humanising characteristics over the years). I especially hate her portrayal as man-hating. But as i said it can be fixed. Like that comic where she overcomes her mythantropy and literally eat the rich (her last teacher) I ATE THAT THING UP. Iconic. She is so hot. (I would never be able to find that comic in my country for several reasons. I read it on Tumblr)

[kyaruun]

RAAAWR HUG! HUG! qiapyon loves being hugged :3 and squished (is a slime so squish!) hehe you are so nice and soft :>> not at all intimidating

YOU FELT LIKE A BIG BLOG just so very top tier writing. great graphic. whole package deal. there's only two possibilities that happen to follower count when you go ia:

it goes up, because people are finding you

it goes down, because people are not finding you and your followers think you are dead

THE RETURN OF NYA im so excited rawrrrrr tag me in everything

afadsfhsd me big blog... i guess i'm a big blog. i dont know why 1.1k people are still here for my shitposts

ajdslfsdf its only a few,,, a lot of my blogs are ia..... unfortunately.... and i mostly have focused on nazukisser though i literally cant stop writing for enstars its in my soul... i always strive for weekly for every fandom but darn thats really hard with the amount of shit i have going on

WAAAAAAAA i hope YOUR works get the true recognition it deserves (one day you'll write a leo fic that will become known as that leo fic (in a pos sense))

professional.... ate lis told me that i looked professional on my blogs,,, i just try. lots of trial and error and i always try to look fresh. have gone through so many phases its insane. one time i tried replicating an actual site design on tumblr while combining it w my style and it was so hard. stares at my (long gone) tori fs2 theme

RIGHT like the readers were nice, all of the people were so nice... now its too big like who is everyone... but also its kinda dead too like damn... 2023 is not anybody's year... i wish we could return to all being silly....

help me omg big blog. i mean being a writing blog the writing might as well get a pass but the graphics suck and i'm the first one to acknowledge that. i simply don't know what to do with them >< the one and only graphic i'm still head over heels for and is the reason i still haven't remade my theme is the cute cat soren did for me a looong time ago and is my current banner. it's. so. round. so cute. silly but sosososo adorable

i mean my followers have probably accepted i'm a sporadic writer and i don't really have a schedule. it hurts when you try to put out your stuff but it doesn't get attention but aaa this is the internet. there's no point in overthinking that. my one and only concern is that anons that rq something i answer a few months later manage to read their rq :(

JESUS CHRIST QIAN YOU HAVE 1.1K FOLLOWERS?!?!? big big biggest writer indeed. i just checked mine and it's 744 followers which is an insane number for someone who posts so little!! what you said about the leo fic... i can only hope. i personally think i suck at writing leo a lot. and rei. and natsume. my izumi is pretty much a mess too. see? if i love them i can't write them right. but uuuu i'd love to write a series. i've never tried that. i also considered something like a social media au bc that's usually really cute too. i don't think any of my works will ever reach that level of importance buuuuut. i'd love that

i've been working a bit on some sort of new theme for my super due revamp but i hate editing sooo much. whatever you say your themes always look super nice and cohesive <3 they're really nice to look at ;;

the fandom being big and dead (from a writing pov) is just as you said ;; i occasionally go into the tags to look for cute fanart but i don't see any writing and it's very sad. sorry to whoever might be offended by this but x readers actually carried the fandom before engstars. but we all either grew frustrated with the lack of interaction or found new interests

i simply miss that sense of community TT the nuri era... nuri feeding the entire fandom one post a day. bee coming up with the absolute prettiest things (like hello THEIR PROMPTS. i still haven't recovered from those). swanee dropping these insanely talented bombs and leaving us knocking on their askbox like "pls comeback when". soren's blog (which i actually visit from time to time bc there's a handful of fics that carry half of my mental sanity rn). runa ;;;;

see? i miss a lot of people ꒰⁎′̥̥̥ ⌑ ‵̥̥̥ ꒱ on those are only the ones that came first into mind because there are even more moots i miss... that comfy feeling of being able to jump into everyone's askbox and be silly... nostalgia hitting hard ;;; makes me think i should try to join a server(s) to try and interact with people again, even if it's just some talking from time to time

[freepandahugs]

may i just say,

omg i was tagged in something shhsbskwiwjdkd 🥺🥺🥺🥺 thanks livi (and my drawing as a wallpaper too, omg, is it too early to cry??????????)

anyways, fun! let me start

share your wallpaper: my wallpaper is really basic but only because i use widgets to add more images and make it moee ✨aesthetic✨, atm my phone is in a pink and black aesthetic. and my whatsapp wallpaper is one of jungkook's photos with ck hahahha

last song you listened to: all of the girls you loved before - taylor swift

currently reading: from lukov with love - mariana zapata (literally started it yesterday because i needed a romance after i bawled my eyes out with "before the coffee gets cold" by toshikazu kawaguchi)

last film: eeeeeeem i don't remember????? i don't really watch a lot of movies???? probably j-hope in the box which is a documentary on one of the bts members, but that was like a month or two ago 💀💀💀

craving: affection and emotional stability ✨✨

what are you wearing right now? pijamas, i literally just woke up (its like 7:30 am over here)

how tall are you? 1.60 cm, idk how much that is in inches because i am not from the us hahahahahahah

piercings: yes, funny story actually. i got three done out of which only one survived without getting infected so yay!! (the last one i got done was fine for an entire year before it got infected like 💀)

tattoos: one on my shoulder and i want more but i need money first

last drink: water, probably the only thing i drink other than tea and alcohol

last show: currently watching haikyuu, the last show i finished was probably business proposal??? (i am also not an avid series watcher)

last thing you ate: noodle soup 🥰🥰

favorite color: yellow, but a very specific one, or green

current obsession: eee i am currently in a limbo between obsessions so i am waiting for what will come next, but my latest one was elain and azriel by association (she is everything, he's just ken) (also, that's a joke, i love azriel but honestly elain >>>>>)

unrelated obsession: I'm really into murder mystery books and like researching into murder cases. not too in depth because i am a scaredy cat but it is entertaining. but yeah, half my tbr is murder mystery books waiting to be read (my favorite one is a good girl's guide to murder, honestly a great book and ravi is just everything)

any pets: four dogs, i love them with my whole heart

do you have a crush on anyone? kind of??? there's this guy from uni who i think is like really cute and a lot of my friends say he's a really nice guy but i haven't ever really spoken to him a lot (my heart still beats like crazy whenever he's in my general vicinity but still would that count as a crush????) (also, he's totally my type like: tall, dark hair, wears glasses, kinda nerdy) (now i just need to grow some and actually talk to him hahahah)

favorite fictional character: idk about favorites because it varies but the ones that left a lasting impact on me would probably be elain, ravi and pip from agggtm, or percy and nico from pjo. i love all of them, don't make me choose

last place you travelled to: the capital city of my country which is like, soooo different from the (kind of) small town i live in. it was really fun!! plus i got to spend time with some cousins who are living there because of uni so!!!!

tags: i don't have any people i talk to on tumblr (really bad at starting convos, i freak out) so I'll tag people who i think are cool (other than @casuallivi because she already tagged me) @slytherhys (idk if someone already tagged you, sorry for that!! but i really like your writing!!) @elriell , @batboyazriel

now, do i tag this??? idk, i am very awkward as a person but this was fun!! thanks livi 🥰

Thank you @deathsweetblossoms for tagging me in these!!!! I always have so much fun with them <3 <3

share your wallpaper: my wallpaper is Elriel, which was commissioned a couple of years ago from Morgana. I was part of the commissioning group and I love it more than anything

last song you listened to: Mount Everest - Labrinth

currently reading: The Hunting of Adeline

last film: dunno

craving: inner peace. Also praise.

what are you wearing right now? A hoodie and leggings

how tall are you? 5'9

piercings: none

tattoos: why put bumper stickers on a Ferrari? Therefore none.

last drink: a Michelada

last show: Premier League Show recap.

Trying to watch The Citadel which is a silly show, but good for background noise

last thing you ate: fish and veg

favourite colour: pretty much any shade of blue

current obsession: psychotic dominant men with a penchant for extreme violence and obsessive tendencies towards their ladies

unrelated obsession: Darius Acrux and Tory Vega. I really love them, okay?

any pets: nope. I don't like animals. Blah, blah, I know...

I still don't like them

do you have a crush on anyone? psychotic dominant men with a penchant for extreme violence and obsessive tendencies towards their ladies

Otherwise, Jordan Pickford

favourite fictional character: Church

last place you travelled: I think London

tags: (with lots of pressure) @elainsweetcobalt @tswaney17 @casuallivi @fawnandshadows @impossiblescissorspeachpaper

[festive]

ehehe sorry i was late w/ the bts recs. i had to transfer from my phone to pc </3

okay so this one is about you n jimin being time travelers and the way they do it is soooooo cool n refreshing. i loved this back in high school. 

https://at.tumblr.com/inktae/the-blue-notebooks/o2jlaja63sov

magic!au n a jeongguk fic that i plan on reading! 

https://at.tumblr.com/venusjeon/chased-by-a-drunk-man-one-night-you-find-shelter/t7pajwq7r8le

another jeongguk fic. he’s a siren

https://at.tumblr.com/venusjeon/youve-spent-years-sailing-the-mediterranean/co4cxvtnyymj

jhope fic bc you said you were browsing his tags 🫣

https://at.tumblr.com/junghelioseok/ignite/uwib1t0wgvf3

sngdhshhshs okay this one is long but the summary sounds sooooooooooo good

https://at.tumblr.com/junghelioseok/renegade/td7pv2rzfl8n

another jhope fic but it’s time travelers!!!

https://at.tumblr.com/junghelioseok/polaris/36serykcv1jc

The way I’m about to eat all these up, sumi you are the real mvp and you deserve the best head ever from Mitsuya and Draken!

[kmomof4]

Stupid Questions... (And the Stupid Men Who Ask Them) A New Year’s Fic by @kmomof4

Slipping in one more fic on my most productive writing year yet! @iverna​ @caught-in-the-filter​ and @everything-person​ were discussing an EXTREMELY boneheaded Facebook/Twitter post the other day on the CS Movie Marathon Discord and I decided to write it. I truly hope I did the HYSTERICAL conversation between the ladies justice.

Thank you to @jrob64​ for her beta skills and her guidance on the fic as well as her assurance that the fic really is funny and to @hollyethecurious​ for being a sounding board about what direction to take it in. 

I really hope y’all enjoy and let me know what you think!

Summary: Neal is an idiot and really steps in it. CS gets together. Everyone’s happy.

Rating: T

Words: Almost 2900

Tags: New Years Eve, Neal is Clueless

On ao3

Tagging the usuals. 

@hollyethecurious​ @winterbaby89​ @snowbellewells​ @stahlop​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @jennjenn615​ @kingofmyheart14​ @wistfulcynic​ @branlovestowrite​ @thisonesatellite​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @flslp87​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @let-it-raines​ @shireness-says​ @kymbersmith-90​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @bethacaciakay​ @searchingwardrobes​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @teamhook​ @aprilqueen84​ @qualitycoffeethings​ @superchocovian​ @artistic-writer​ @donteattheappleshook​ @doodlelolly0910​ @seriouslyhooked​ @tiganasummertree​ @lfh1226-linda​ @xsajx​ @klynn-stormz​ @jrob64​ @wefoundloveunderthelight​ @zaharadessert​ @elizabeethan​ @goforlaunchcee​ @gingerpolyglot​ @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713​ @sailtoafarawayland​ @justanother-unluckysoul​ @veryverynotgoodwrites​ @jonesfandomfanatic​ @deckerstarblanche​ @the-darkdragonfly​ @batana54​ @purplehawkcaptain​ @k-leemac​ @motherkatereloyshipper​ @apiratewhopines​ @killiansqueenofthejollyroger​ @onceuponahookandswan​ @meat-pie-with-sauce​ @cosette141​ @pirateprincessofpizza​ @xarandomdreamx​ @fleurdepetite​ @hookmecaptain​ @o-wild-west-wind​

*I am updating my tag list for ‘23, so if you want to remain on my list, or be added, please contact me either here or on discord and let me know.*

Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

                                   Group Chat

                  Killian, David, Robin, Will, Liam,

                                Victor, Neal

N: hey guys. Do girls actually orgasm?

K: 🤨

L: are you kidding?

R: what???!!!

N: seriously hear me out do women actually orgasm? I mean maybe that’s why theres so many unsatisfied women… theyve been taught that they should, but they really cant

K: 🤦😱

D: …

                                      Killian

D: Is he serious? I mean, really?

                                                 K: I’m afraid he is 😳

D: OMG

                                                                                                         Group Chat

                  Killian, David, Robin, Will, Liam,

                                  Victor, Neal

V: I’ve actually wondered that too

N: THANK YOU VICTOR

W: What’d I miss?

😳

Ya might want to consider, lads, that you’re doing it wrong… Pun very much intended

~*~*~

New Year’s Eve

David and Mary Margaret’s farmhouse

“I think I’m gonna ask the ladies,” Neal said, leaning casually against the counter sipping his beer while Killian straightened up the kitchen.

“Ask the ladies what?” he asked.

“From the group chat the other day,” Neal explained.

Killian stopped what he was doing and stared at Neal.

“Are you kidding me? What purpose… WHY would you do that?”

“Who better to ask?” he said, sounding a bit indignant. “I mean, they would know, right?”

Killian rolled his eyes. The idiot was going to get his ass handed to him on a silver platter, and Killian had to admit, he’d enjoy watching it. He’d never liked the man. His general arrogance and superiority complex irritated him to no end. And especially when he was around Emma. To hear Neal talk, you’d think he was the greatest thing that’d ever happened to her and that he’d been the one to break it off with her over a year ago. When actually, Killian and a few others in their group knew that Neal was lousy in bed, so she’d broken it off with him after just a few months. But since she’d never raised an objection to him occasionally coming back around when she’d have the most reason to, he’d decided to keep his mouth shut. The alcohol had been flowing pretty freely all night, but he didn’t think Neal was drunk enough to think that asking this question was really a good idea.

Robin came in then to see Killian putting the rest of the trash in the garbage can, studiously avoiding Neal’s eyes and Neal looking seriously affronted.

“What’s going on, guys?”

“This Einstein wants to ask the ladies what he asked us in the group chat the other day.”

Robin couldn’t stop the bark laugh that burst from him at Killian’s statement. Neal’s face reddened even further.

“It’s your funeral,” Robin snickered and Neal left the kitchen with an angry huff. Robin brought himself under control and smirked at Killian. “This I’ve got to see. Come on, mate.”

The tiny curl of Killian’s mouth made Robin’s grin even wider. They pushed through the doors from the kitchen to the den. Neal had just settled back down in his chair and was looking around the room, obviously waiting for a lull in the various conversations happening. Mary Margaret sat on David’s lap, her arms looped around his neck and was conversing with Liam and his girlfriend, Elsa.

Whale was deep in conversation with Ruby, and Emma and Regina were talking animatedly near the window. Will and Belle were snuggled up in front of the fire.

The ladies by the window came back into the den, drawing everyone’s attention briefly. Neal saw his chance and took it.

“I saw a post on Twitter the other day and wanted to ask you ladies about it,” he said loudly, with a sideways glance at Killian and Robin. It was all Killian could do to not shake his head and roll his eyes at the man. He wondered if he should go pop some popcorn to eat while watching the show about to commence.

“What was it?” Mary Margaret asked. David’s eyes got big and shot over to Killian and Robin. Killian gave a short sharp nod and David shut his eyes in dismay.

“It asked if women really orgasm.” Silence met Neal’s statement.

Killian’s eyes darted around, taking in the expressions on all the different faces in the room. There was incredulity and embarrassment on the faces of the ladies and the men had a mixture of horror and resignation along with a bit of curiosity in Victor’s case.

“Do women really orgasm?” Regina repeated slowly and deliberately, with a roll of her eyes. “Only someone as boneheaded and clueless as you, Neal, would ask that question,” she snarked. Robin moved toward her and wrapped his arm around her waist, nuzzling her neck.

“I tried to tell him, babe.” He placed a kiss on her pulse point, making her shiver. Robin smirked at Neal before continuing. “But he wouldn’t listen.”

Regina turned toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck before turning her face back toward Neal. “I can assure you, women orgasm.”

“But how do you know?” Victor asked. “I mean, the evidence for men is indisputable, but for women, there’s no objective physiological evidence for it.”

“Yeah,” Neal agreed, obviously appreciating the support.

Killian burst out laughing at them, and Liam turned stunned eyes on his college roommate while Elsa’s cheeks flamed.

“Ya wouldn’t know a woman’s pleasure if it knocked you upside the head, mate,” Will shot at Victor over his shoulder.

“Neither would Neal,” Emma murmured under her breath, cutting her eyes toward the man in question and then at Killian. When she spotted him looking at her, her cheeks reddened.

“I knew there had to be a reason Whale was charming someone new every month,” David said. “Nobody would go for it more than once.”

“But maybe he has a point?”

Killian’s neck jerked so hard turning it toward Emma, he was amazed he didn’t pull something. “Swan. SWAN!” he repeated, absolutely horrified. “Do you mean to tell me that you’ve never…”

“No!” she exclaimed. “But… I mean…” she stammered, her cheeks as red as the leather jacket she favored, “just, you know, it’s different when it’s, uh, with a partner. As opposed to… something else. I mean, maybe some women really can’t… you know.”

“Whatever you’ve been told. Whatever you’ve experienced, Swan,” he couldn’t help cutting his eyes over at Neal at that point before meeting her own again, “I can guarantee you is incorrect.” He waggled his eyebrows at her trying to lighten the mood a bit. “And I’d be more than willing and happy to prove it to you anytime you wish.”

“Yeah, I bet you would,” smirked Liam, who was well aware of how his brother felt about Emma.

Regina rolled her eyes. “Surely there’s someone in this town willing to educate these two idiots.”

Ruby smirked and looped her arms around Whale’s neck. “I bet I could teach him a few things,” she purred.

Victor’s face looked absolutely delighted as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I am yours to command,” he said, earnestly.

“Don’t look at me,” Emma said, hands held up in a ‘stay back’ gesture. “I may be the only unattached female here, but I’ve had my fill of ‘wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.’” She cut her eyes back toward Neal again. “Once was one time too many.”

Neal’s face was so red with embarrassment, it was nearly purple. Killian almost felt sorry for the man being outed like this. But then he thought about Neal’s treatment of Emma and smiled in approval. Before he could make his own smart comment, Neal surged to his feet and bolted for the front door, slamming it shut behind him. Killian thought he heard him muttering something along the lines of doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He could only hope that was the last they’d see of him.

He could see the tension release from Emma’s shoulders as soon as Neal left and he had to admit, he was relieved as well. Everyone else went back to their conversations and Killian approached Emma where she was standing by the Christmas tree.

“Are you alright there, love?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just ignore him most of the time. But that was…” she trailed away with a shake of her head.

“Have to agree with you,” he said, taking a sip of his water. There was almost an hour before the ball dropped and if he wanted to be able to drive home tonight, it was time to switch.

Emma took a sip of her own and cleared her throat nervously, her eyes darting around the room at all the couples. Following her gaze, he saw several couples he wasn’t sure would make it to the ball drop.

“Some people need to get a room,” she muttered.

Killian snorted into his glass, thankful he’d already swallowed. “They won’t make it much longer, I don’t think,” he assured her.

And sure enough. It wasn’t fifteen minutes later when Ruby and Whale were saying their goodbyes. Robin, Regina, Will, and Belle had all already left.

“Don’t forget brunch tomorrow, Emma,” Ruby said.

Emma raised her eyebrow at her friend. “Uh huh, like I’m the one who’ll have to leave a man in my bed to get there.”

Ruby grinned wolfishly. “I’ll text you if I’m not going to make it.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Emma dismissed. “Have fun. Be safe.”

“Always,” she said with a wink, turning toward the door where Victor was saying goodbye to David, Killian, and Liam.

Elsa shot Emma a look. “That’s not necessarily true, you know.”

“What?” Emma asked.

“That you wouldn’t need to leave a man in your bed to make brunch with Ruby tomorrow.”

“Are you talking about Killian?” she asked. “He wasn’t serious,” she continued, rolling her eyes.

“Are you sure about that, Emma?” Mary Margaret asked. “He has mooned over you forever.”

Elsa nodded in agreement. “It’s obvious to everyone but you, Emma. That man is crazy about you. Why do you think he hasn’t dated since you and Neal broke up?”

Emma looked sheepish, cutting her eyes toward the door and shrugged her shoulders.

“You should go for it, Emma,” Mary Margaret urged her. “He’s made the offer, the ball is in your court. You have to be the one to act. He’s not going to say anymore about it. He’ll wait for you and whatever you’re willing to give.”

Emma looked over at the door again as Killian laughed loudly at something Liam just said. His eyes caught hers and his mirth disappeared as he smiled gently at her. Just that small interaction was enough to send her heart racing. Of course, she’d always been attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be? With his gentleman tendencies, crystal blue eyes, dark brown hair and dark scruff with just a hint of ginger, the man was undeniably gorgeous. And a massive flirt. He’d never given her any indication that he’d be interested in anything more than just one night. And Emma wasn’t willing to risk the friendship she had with him on one night. But what her friends were telling her now was making her head spin. And she didn’t know what she should do about that.

Once Ruby and Victor were gone, the other three couples turned off all the lights, save the TV and Christmas tree, and settled in the den to watch the live coverage of the ball drop. Emma sat next to Killian on the sofa, but wouldn’t let herself get too comfortable with him. His arm was slung across the back of the sofa and it was incredibly tempting to snuggle into his side and let him wrap his arm around her shoulder. But given her vacillation on the pertinent question, she didn’t want to send mixed signals. And what if she was right and he really wasn’t serious? She didn’t think she’d be able to stand it if she succumbed to temptation and he rejected her. As midnight approached, her nerves increased.

Emma turned slightly to look at Elsa. Bathed in the light from the fire, she couldn’t see her friend’s expression very well, but she gave Emma a slight nod and smile of encouragement. Emma smiled back and turned to look at Killian. The darkness of the room wrapped itself around them until Emma was aware of nothing but Killian looking right back at her. Emma caught her breath at what she saw in his eyes. Desire, devotion, love. She could hear the countdown from the flatscreen in the background, but it was nothing more than an unimportant nuisance to what was happening between her and Killian.

Before she could second guess herself, she moved toward him and brushed her lips against his.

That was all it took. It was like a dam broke. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her back to him, capturing her lips with his. His hands plunged into her hair, as he requested entrance with his tongue.

 Emma moaned at the back of her throat as she eagerly granted his request. He pillaged and plundered like a pirate of old and Emma felt a shiver of pleasure cascade down her spine. She gasped as his arms tightened around her, her breasts flattening against the hard planes of his chest.

Pulling back with a soft whimper of disappointment, she gazed into his eyes. They were blown with arousal and she could feel his hardened length against her hip where she all but laid across his torso.

“You know,” he whispered, “I’ve heard it said that whatever you’re doing at midnight on New Years, is what you can expect for the coming year. Or something along those lines anyway.”

“Hmmm,” she replied. “You know, I’ve heard that too.” Emma couldn’t miss the white of his teeth as he grinned widely at her statement. She responded in kind. “So are you ok with that? With this? Us?”

His arms tightened around her and he bent down and kissed the end of her nose. Emma didn’t think anyone had ever done anything that cute to her before and it made her grin even wider.

“I am very much ok with it, Swan. As long as you are.”

“I am.” She looked around the room at the other couples, still caught up in their own embraces, feeling her cheeks heat. “You want to get out of here?” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she looked at him. He squeezed her hip slightly and released a quiet groan at her question.

Emma jumped up from the sofa, Killian following her, drawing the attention of everyone else.

“This was fun, M’s,” she gushed. If she wasn’t so flustered, she’d likely laugh at the lustful haze and bewildered look on David and Mary Margaret’s faces at being interrupted.

“Huh?” she asked, shaking her head, trying to put her hostess hat back on. “Oh, right! Thanks for coming,” she exclaimed, standing and pulling Emma into a tight embrace.

David, Liam, and Elsa also rose, David holding his hand out to shake. “Thanks for coming, guys.” He was more collected than Mary Margaret and gave Killian a significant look. Liam, too, raised his eyebrows at Killian, noticing how closely he stood to Emma, his hand resting lightly on her waist.

“Is this what I think it is,” Liam asked softly, where the ladies wouldn’t hear.

Killian’s cheeks flamed and he had to struggle not to scratch at the place behind his ear that always itched when he was nervous or embarrassed.

“Yes, brother. And you have my assurance,” he continued, glancing at David, “I won’t do anything to hurt her. I’m in this for the long haul.”

David put his hand on Killian’s shoulder. “Good. It’s about damn time.”

“Agreed,” Liam said.

Everyone took their leave, and Killian escorted Emma back to her apartment where he proceeded to show her, in exquisite detail and for many hours, just how in this for the long haul he was.

~*~*~

January 3

Granny’s Diner

Emma made her way into Granny’s to finally meet up with Ruby for their annual New Years Brunch. It had been postponed and postponed again when they both couldn’t be bothered to leave their respective men to meet up.

Ruby’s grin was wide and wolfish as she sat down.

“A little sore are we?” she asked.

Emma licked her lips nervously. “Maybe just a little.”

Ruby howled. “I always knew Jones would be good in the sack.” She leaned forward eagerly. “How many times? Not total, but the first night.”

Emma bit her lip before replying. “Four.”

Ruby threw her head back as she laughed. She got herself under control, her eyes twinkling. “It was a little slow going at first, but Victor’s a quick study. He’ll be fine.” Ruby’s grin was all teeth and Emma grinned back before her attention was drawn to the back of the diner, where Neal rose from his seat, violently throwing his fork down on the table and bolting for the door. His face was thunderous and it wasn’t hard to figure out that he’d overheard their conversation.

Emma rolled her eyes as Ruby giggled.

“Stupid men…” she said before joining Ruby in joyous laughter, expressing all the happiness in her heart for the new year before them.

~*~*~

Happy New Year, everyone!! Thank you for reading and sharing! I’d love to know what you think!

[henrysglock]

The end of the year is near! Give a shoutout to your favorite blogs and tag them to spread positivity before the year ends!

omg hey yeah!! my faves, in no particular order:

@aemiron-main - what if hypothetically i was a boy looking to comprehend the minutiae of the stranger things narrative and you were an analyst with crazy good pattern seeking skills and perchance— no but seriously the shit you notice is insane. speak your truth and keep up the good work, i love u man 💞

@heroesbyler - babe…my sweet cheese. my favorite bi girlie. my fellow STEM nerd. gorgeous. show stopping. impeccable. CEO of Brenner analysis. Your brain is so big, you’ve changed lives babe. also *points at a pic of you* this is what the peak cis ally looks like!! right here!! you’re just so. aghhhh. I’m so lucky i met you!! i love u ☺️ 💞 mwah

@hot-wheelz - your video edits are the most insanely funny shit, oh my god, and your art slaps SO fucking hard. I’m so lucky to be irls with you, you’re literally so much fun to be around. thank you for coming back to tumblr and being my friend 🥺💞

@magentamee - my dearest darlingest bre. my first byler tumblr friend, the first person to read my first ever fic, who encouraged me to write fic at all, my sibling in arms in the hoseg//ate trenches, the first person i ever talked to about the dark themes in ST…look at us now. 🥺💞 sending u so much love hon, you deserve the world

@jonahlea08 - the flatterer…a tumblr user after my own heart…you make writing such an enjoyable experience. i live for your comments and your encouragement has sustained me through so much writers block. thank you so much for all your love and ideas and the care you put into reading my stuff. it means more than you know. i’m wishing you the absolute best 2023 💞 (also i’m working on ch 13, i promise!! i’ll have it up this week for sure)

@bylertruther - denise my beloved. we don’t speak often, but when we do you always have god-tier insights. you really understand the narrative and it is a privilege to be mutuals with you fr 💞 I’m always so thrilled to see you in my mentions, i always know I’m in for something really really interesting and perspective altering

@wibble-wobbegong - you give me hope for the next generation of media consumers fr. you Get It. you have the Brains and the Critical Thinking Skills. we love to see it!! i always love seeing your posts and reblogs, you always have cool shit to add on too. keep it up, dude!! i can’t wait to see what else you come up with while we wait for st5 💕

[beezywriting]

i need to go through the knight!steve tag still but like

is knight!steve a "i'm obsessed with you and i wanna make you feel good" virgin or a "idk what i'm doing and it shows" one?

i need to know bc this is important lmao

Omg I started this and tumblr ate it 😭

Anyways let’s go AGAIN. And yea def read the tags it’s some sweet and mostly horny thoughts lmaoooo

But I think he’d be the obsessed with you kind. Like Steve grew up wanting to be a knight and knew all the great battle stories. But he also knows all the great love stories too.

So the first time you’re just happy to be together and going crazy off touching and kissing one another it’s good regardless because you’re both so into it and each other.

But AFTER. Night Steve wishes to explore his ladies body and find what makes her tic. And he’s doing a full analysis.

Let’s start w boobs. It’s been discussed Knight Steve loves them. (Boonies! Hello.) he’d use his hands at first. Gently massaging them and gauging your reactions. Pinching and pulling at the nipples before he leans down, looking jk at you for permission first cause he’s a gentleman, but then taking one in his mouth and sucking on it. Oh my god. I think he’d love sucking on tiddies. Personally.

And when he finds the clit and sees how you react to that? Just when he brushes his fingertips over it???? He can’t wait to get his mouth on that too. I’d wager knight Steve would suck the life right out of your clit if he could.

Steve is a pleaser in every version of him. Except when he’s getting topped.

[aceofwhump]

I'm sorry if I sounded impatient or rude or anything, my Tumblr has been acting up all week and I just really thought it ate my Ask because it was too big or something. I totally understand the computer problems though, all too well. Sorry that happened.

I can’t believe other kids did it too. I’m still so shocked, I don’t know how to process that. It’s sooooo good to hear.

Dude, I’m currently obsessed with ‘Kevin (Probably) Saves The World’ and that’s where all my giffing is going into right now (if tumblr ever fixes the tags so my sets actually show up XP), I love it soooo much! And it’s so much fun to gif. X) And YES those gifs by whumpypepsigal are literally what got me here; I had no idea there was a whump community until I saw those amazing ‘Raising Dion’ sets and I found you all through that! I’m so thankful for that person for those sets. I had actually wanted to start writing fanfiction again for ‘Raising Dion’ specifically to whump Jason and to fix what they did with his character. XP Ahhhhhh and yes ‘The Event’ whump is sooooooo good I love Jason in there like AHHHH!!!!! His whole storyline in that episode is so fantastic I watch it over and over again and just live in content. XD Gosh but I could go on and on about Jason. :P

My sister is the only one that knows about me too, and she doesn’t fully understand it either, but she doesn’t judge me for it for now so I’m just holding on to that. If my mom knew, she’d probably think I was possessed by a demon or something for being sadistic. It’s really scary to think about. I’m really glad I can come here and chat with you about it and not feel alone.

Okay, so I’m a little confused; I looked up ‘Sexual Attraction’ and everything I read says it means ‘you find someone hot or pretty or attractive’, so I definitely have that with actors, but then other sites say it’s ‘wanting to have sex with that person’, which I definitely do NOT have. So am I asexual or am I not? And literally everything you described about Arousal is exactly me (especially the ‘TMI’ part, I’m really thankful you described it that way because I couldn’t possibly know how to describe it but it’s amazing to see it in words), so I’m confused again; if I’m not asexual and I still have these arousal feelings from whump, does that make me a sadist after all? I’m sorry if these are embarrassing questions to ask, I just don’t know who else to ask, and all my googling has been very confusing and not helpful. I find many, many actors hot and that’s what makes them whumpees for me, especially if they have really good screams or pained noises. And an equally attractive pained face. I’m really scared that I am a sadist.

It’s okay if you don’t want to answer these questions, I guess it’s kind of weird. I'm sorry.

Oh no you didn't! Not at all! Tumblr eats asks alllll the time so it's a legit concern :) We're good! Yeah my computer is super old so it gets temperamental sometimes and I can't afford a new one. Plus this one still has windows 7 and i love windows 7 lol. So I can just be slow sometimes to answer.

Nice! No one has ever even heard of Kevin Probably Saves the World but it was so good and I'm so bitter it was cancelled!! God Jason Ritter whump is the best. I love it.

Same! Doesn't get it but doesn't judge. It's nice. She's a writer who focuses on fluff but she now comes to me when she needs help with a whump scene lol. And omg yes my mom would be the same! She already thinks I'm a massive weirdo and a little fucked up based solely on what kinds of things I watch. If she knew my whump love I'd definitely be sent to therapy. So I totally understand that particular fear.

Oh god yeah it's all very confusing for sure. I do have a whole tag for asexual related things if you wanna check that out: https://aceofwhump.tumblr.com/tagged/asexual

That definition of sexual attraction always confused and bothered me when I see it on sites because I feel like that's not exactly it. So I think I'll start with a few definitions and explanations which I think might help.

For starters, sexual attraction and arousal/sex drive are two separate things. One can feel arousal without any sexual attraction and vice versa. Your sex drive and arousal is just your body going "I want sex". Sexual attraction is "I want sex with that person". Arosual can happen when your body is stimulated and doesn't have to have anything to do with attraction. Just like you can be attracted to someone but not have the drive to sleep with them.

Secondly asexuality is experiencing little to no sexual sexual attraction. That's it. That's the only "requirement". You might have a high libido/sex drive or no libido. Doesn't make a person any less or more ace. Personally I have a fairly high libido but absolutely zero attraction. So I just take care of myself and I'm good. Some asexuals choose have sex without feeling sexual attraction.

And there are different types of attractions. Sexual, romantic, sensual, aesthetic, and more. Sexual attraction: I want to have sex with that person. Romantic attraction: I want to date that person. Sensual attraction: I want to hold their hand or cuddle with that person. Aesthetic attraction: that person is pleasing to look at. Platonic attraction: I want to be friends with that person.

The hard part, at least for me, is figuring out which of them you are feeling in the moment. And a lot fo times these overlap with each other too which makes things confusing as well. I most often feel aesthetic, platonic, and sensual attraction. I do not feel sexual or romantic hence why I identify as asexual and aromantic.

Sexual attraction makes zero sense to me to be honest. I don't get it. People have described it to me but it's not an easy thing for people to describe cause they just feel it and know what it is. The best way I can describe it as when allos (people who are not under the asexual umbrella) see someone they find sexually attractive then those feeling like we get with whump. Like they'll look at someone and "think damn that person is hot and I would like to have sex with them" and the physical feelings happen at the same time. The word hot is used literally because attractive people make them feel hot. Which I definitely don't get lol. I don't know about you but that has literally never happened to me in my life. So sexual attraction is the "I want to have sex with this person". The "finding someone hot or pretty" is much more aesthetic attraction. You can find someone beautiful and not want to have sex with them. My whumpees are all people I find hot aesthetically. Any time I say a character/actor is hot I mean aesthetically. I like to look at them like I enjoy a nice sculpture or painting. I do not want to have sex with a painting. That sounds like you too.

As for sadism, I can't speak too much about this because I am not one but as I understand it, sadists derive sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on others. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you and your partner are both consenting to whatever you do in the bedroom. Lots of people enjoy that. It's not bad. If you wonder if you're a sadist ask yourself and reflect on whether this fits with you. For example, with myself cause I also wondered the same thing, in my actual life i do not like hurting people, I don't find anything sexually pleasing about hurting others so I am not a sadist. But I do want to make it clear that there isn't anything wrong with being a sadist! It all comes down consent. If you and your partner are consenting amd happy then you're good! You do you!

Honestly when it comes to whump, the way I see it is if you view it as a sexual thing than it is but if you don't think of it as sexual then it's not.

So me personally, I do not derive any sexual pleasure from whump at all. My feelings and sensations seem to be similar to what people experience with sexual attraction but I don't view whump as a sexual thing to me at all so in my head what I feel is not sexual attraction. What exactly it is I honestly don't know. I think that's why I love the term whumperflies. It gives this feeling it's own thing and I love that. There's no element of sex with whump to me at all. For some people there is though and that's totally cool! We all have our likes and dislikes and none are bad so long as we aren't hurting others (without their consent anyway ;) ).

In the end it's totally up to you how you view things. Based on what you've said it sounds a lot like me in that whump is not a sexual thing for you but rather you enjoy the aesthetics of it and the whumperflies ot gives you. But I'm not gonna tell you for certain because ultimately it's up to you to decide what you feel! I can offer advice and definitions and my own experiences though which I hope helps some.

So that was my very long slightly ramble response. I hope it's somewhat helpful 😅

[ameliasbitvh]

ahhhh! thank you all soso much for the 300 followers! i just hit 200 last week?! how are there 300 of you? i honestly don’t know, but i started this account as a place to just read smut and then i decided to post on here. the reason why my first post was angst was because i was being a slut for angst to feel something in those few moments- okay i’ll stop myself right there. for this milestone i’m going to do mutual appreciation for the moots i’ve interacted with the most so far! (if we’re moots and u wanna interact pls do, i’m not scary!)

okayy first up,

@underappreciated-spoon-321

i love you so much bby, i could not believe it when you followed me. i was legit crying happy tears and i specifically remember you followed me after i posted “needy” random lol.

your writing is immaculate, absolutely lovely. ur smut *chefs kisses* i love that you put up with my shit photos that i send you and that you actually ask for more- but it baffled me when you first interacted with me, this was my reaction

*deep breath* “omfg! (ur username) just interacted with me, wtf do i do?!” also ur nick name reminds me of belly from dear, draco.

i’m not writing a lot, bc for your sleepover i wrote you a damn paragraph 😭 but i love u sm belly!! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

@dracoskinks

ARI! i love talking to you, bc i can talk about anything and when i say anything i mean anything. like kinks, porn, random draco scenarios, etc… you are one of the funniest people i have seen on this app.

ur blunt and funny at the same time, it just makes it more fun to talk to you. ur smut is soso good, bc i don’t find a lot of smut with a dom!reader and sub!draco.

i remember you followed me, so out of curiosity i checked out your blog and saw your piss kink fic and that did it for me. after that i followed you back and we became moots ajnwja. when ur first account got terminated you scared me so fucking much, because i thought you were going to leave tumblr forever. don’t. ever. play. like. that. again. i’m glad we became moots bc i fucking love you <3

@opalsheart

I LOVE YOU SM! i think u were the first moot that i interacted with in direct messages, bc you had tea to spill, and ever since than we’ve been #4lifers. you send me edits and hate on t*m felton with me on instagram. you were the first mutual to know what i looked like lmaoo. u r an absolute goddess, bestie, like what- i know that you can pull anyone you want, so stop playing when you talk about someone.

even though we have a fucking 12 hour time difference, we still find time to talk to each other. it is so fun talking with you and the fact that when we talk it’s night for one of us. you let me send that stupid tik tok of ed sheeran and t*m felton to you and it probably haunts your dreams now ajnwajsj-

i appreciate that you study ur MF ass off for your exams, bc i could never. and you even send me those cute memes when i wake up- also we better be watching those true crime documentaries, bc i’m still waiting. idc if we have a time difference :) anyways ILY SM ELLIE !! <3

@laceycallisto

okay- where do i even get started with this. we first interacted when i reblogged that draco fan fic and we reblogged talking about how desperate we were trying to find that iconic fic. and i forgot that the creator could see all the reblogging we were doing- you texted me directly about adding my name into your tags, which obviously i agreed to. then we just started talking about random shit like how we were superior because we were june geminis. or how we talked about being in love with remus lupin.

i have vivid flash backs of how your remus fic hurt me. i cried my false lashes off proof reading janajaj- bestie- you’ve seen me cry ajnwja- your writing is ethereal, i don’t know how you can see that? your so nice too, like girly u gave me ur netflix within like a day of knowing each other 💀 we watched bridgerton in two mother fucking sittings. we ate that bridgerton hoe up!

all ur input on the scenes were so funny like the “with child” and “dicking” comments 😭 i love how it’s so easy to talk to you about everything, like how dumb i am- even talking about the privilege of being poc and not burning in the sun. bruh u even let me tag u in dumb tik tok videos, like what?! and i think your the only mutual i have that’s in the same time zone as me… also we better binge the next season. but ily sm, ur like my older sister, even if u say ur life is shitty 😭 <3

@dracomalfoys-wh0re

honestly, kacia. i owe a lot to you for my account being “found” or whatever, bc you reblogged a fic of mine, i’m pretty sure it was “common room” and that’s when i started getting notes and followers najajwjwj- you might not know that but i do 💀 i will forever remember that.

you literally were one of the first accounts ever- to follow me. and i won’t lie, i went crazy when u followed me because i love your fics so much! you are so funny and blunt too i swear 😭

and can we talk about your tom riddle fic? like?!the fact that you really showed tom’s true personality and character. every world had me enthralled further into the fic, the way you wrote him is exactly how i think tom riddle would act towards his s/o. his toxicity and gaslighting is too accurate.

moving on from the discussion of your fic, which is amazing, ily sm babe!!

@yoooespinosa

we’ve interacted a few times and when u texted me directly saying that you thought i was sweet, i literally went, “omg- people think i’m sweet” in a good way, not bad jkwajjw- can i just get started on your writing, because oh. my. fucking. god. it is the most captivating and heart breaking thing i’ve ever seen- the emotions that you put into every word completes the entire fic. every angst piece that you have written, made me cry or made something inside me just twist with sadness. it is truly lovely and magnificent.

how do ur fics not get thousands of notes? because everyone should see what you write, it’s unfair that others haven’t seen your fics. when u explained your dream to me, i swear you practically wrote a whole fic 😭

i remember u said that you wanted to do a face reveal, but we’re scared. bestie what are you scared of? you look like an ANGEL!! and if anyone were to disagree, they are obviously blind. but ily bestie <3

@o-rion-sta-r

BESTIE BAE ORION i love you so much!interacting with you is honestly so fun. and i remember like literally yesterday we were trying to figure out ari’s time zone and we were freaking out. you, ari, and me all have a fucking time difference 😭 it sucks so much!

at least every day you ask me how my days been and i think that’s so sweet, because before i got on tumblr people didn’t ask that question. i appreciate that you ask me that and just random questions in general, because i love interacting with you so much. and you should start writing bby! i will reblog anything you write, also ily sm <3

@ilygw

we don’t talk a lot, but you seem like a fun person! i love seeing all the edits you post on here, bc honestly i need more ferret boy content. i know there is a lot, but i feel like i’ve seen all of them. until i see you posting a new edit and i’m like, “okay… i guess i haven’t seen every draco edit” but that’s all i have lol, ly!!

@arcaneslut

to be honest, you seemed so intimidating to me. i know you said you’re not, but to me you seemed really scary even though i knew you weren’t 😭 i just interacted with you recently and you are so sweet i swear! i love all ur fics, especially “and then i felt nothing” because when i read this fic you better believe i was crying so hard- to the point where i couldn’t breath- everything was written so beautifully, i couldn’t believe it.

i love how one thing we share in common is losing our phones 💀 but i just wanted to say thank you for explaining the whole sleepover and celebration things to me! even tho we just started interacting i already love u!!

moots bc i’m in love with all of them: @just-a-smol-spoon @dreamy-clousds @dracoskinks @unedibledaisyduck @thatsassyhufflepuff @a-aexotic @l0vely-lupin @gothboutique @wolfstar4lifee @littlemissnoname13 @deatthfairy @arcaneslut @ladyvesuvia @laceycallisto @dracossweetprincess @the-lonely-poet-loves-to-weep @realityblocked @harmqnia @yoooespinosa @opalsheart @lilscloud @cupids-crystals @mellifluousart @lunas-kisses @malfoysmainb @klauscarolove @crystxlss @beforeoursunsets @marrymetheonott @queeriacs @electriclocean @dlmmdl @o-rion-sta-r @sfdlm @ilygw @desiredmalfoy @underappreciated-spoon-321 @draco-and-tom @hellounicorn @mugglesthesedays @dracomalfoys-wh0re

if i didn’t tag u it’s bc i can’t tag more than 50 blogs :(

[jayflrt]

ahhhh i think tumblr ate it but i was just saying how i noticed deceit was released and i'll use as motivation when i finish some big tests this week (i will literally start reading it the second i hand in my last test on friday)

and omg manifesting the digipacks for you !🕯

cb shows for me are usually either at like 4/5am (depending on daylight savings) or 8/9am which is when i need to be in school at so </3 there's enough clips going around for me to know the main parts tho so im not too worried abt missing them haha 😅 DURING THE SUMMER THO i make sure to watch it (since i only dont sleep at normal hours then anyways ahsjjf) i watched tbz's cb show for thrill ride and maverick ✨️ thought they were on naver live so the video was like vertical and i didnt like that 👎

well besides the tests i have this week im doing pretty well! i also recently joined my school's prom committee so we're planning for that and its very exciting since it'll be the first in person even we can host since the pandemic 😭! (i also need to find a prom dress and i dont want to break the bank yet in case there's a world tour or smth)

i also just saw the multiple cases of plagiarism and it genuinely upsets me so much how people cant respect other's intellectual property (it also freaking happens like every week in here or smth like what 😭😭) but that last one was rly fishy bc they found it so fast;;; it rly sometimes does feel like people just do it on purpose for fun with a new blog and make people feel like shit and just deactivate and thats so 👺👺 its just a low move like have people rly not. have anything better to do 😭

AND ITS MONDAY boooo (well tuesday since its past midnight for me) lets hope the rest of the week can go on peacefully 🤧 i hope everything else is well on your end too (besides the situation mentioned above)

- 🌻

I THINK IT DID EAT IT :((( because im seeing the wrong number in my ask box for the number of asks i can see in it,, like it won't show up even tho there's supposed to be more :(( AHH GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TESTS THO 🤧 SCREW DECEIT IT CAN WAIT <333 so does that mean your exams are over tomorrow ?? :o 

im so nervous for the digipacks HAHAH like i dont mind any member i get BUT IM SO IMPATIENT I WANT IT NOW >:(( omg tbh i like watching comeback shows more than award shows so i like staying up to watch them 🥰 but it's not the end of the world if i miss it bc ppl record + upload clips HAHAH i even watched a whole treasure comeback show live with addy when i didnt even stan treasure 😭 HELP and for enha i remember she facetimed me so i could show her their live on my phone when i had no idea who they were 💀 

now i would definitely defend that deformed heart with my life 💀

tbh my non engene days were so funny i had no idea who those boys were LMFAO and i dont think ive watched a tbz comeback show actually omg,, maybe i will have to sacrifice some sleep for changmin and jacob <333 

ALSO HAVE FUN WITH PROM COMMITTEE !! that sounds so fun actually omg D; i hope it's a good experience for you !! 💗 omg prom dress shopping is so exciting :'') what color/style were you thinking of ?? my gown was pink i loved it so much 💖 

and right,,, these recent plagiarism cases have been making me rlly suspicious and kinda sick :// i seriously hope people grow up and realize that internet clout ultimately amounts to absolutely nothing. plagiarizing people's work..... how low are you going to stoop for a few notes 😞 also i was a little tipsy when i saw the ask that i got plagiarized LMFAO i was literally telling addy why couldnt they plagiarize me when i was sober 😭 but on a more serious note about that ask..... it was literally 10 min after the fic was posted and the account was new and not visible and the post didnt show in the tags so im VERY confused :/ 

but i hope the rest of your week is smooth sailing love !! and good luck on those exams again 🥰 thank you for such kind words HAHAH i think it'll be a good weekend !! just busy :'') hope you have a wonderful day/night <33 

[tartagliaxx]

hmm, i wonder if tumblr ate my previous ask. i hope not but honestly, you're probably not missing out on a lot anyways.

i finally gained some inspiration to complete the previous wip i showed you, but now i have another one on my hands bc when i get overly anxious, i start to write some vv specific scenarios with my pretty boys.

like,,, i have 3 hours before my exam starts, and i know basically nothing. remember how i said that i took a short break (if tumblr didn't eat it)? yeah, i'm sort of regretting that decision now. can i even get a C? my head's hurting and spinning, i feel like this isn't rlly uh, good for me. i'm hopefully gonna take a one hour nap and hope whatever happens last time doesn't happen again.

i don't want to fail, i rlly rlly don't. i feel like failing on your finals that you're supposed to enter uni with isn't the uh, best idea. i'm trying to just, stay calm but nothing i'm studying is rlly getting to me. perhaps i should just get some rest,,, a one hour nap lmao

— r. anon

reply to the other ask lol:

you’re right, i think you totally deserve the break. it’s totally fine. in my experience, the people around me told me to take my time when i legitimately couldn’t even pick up a pen to finish my stuff. it’s weird bc that’s the first time it ever happened to me but my profs were very forgiving and told me i should take a break if i need one.

i understand your feelings omg- i’ve lived my life being everyone’s friend but not anyone’s best friend,, i dont mind receiving messages like this and i’d really want to help as much as i could but idk if it’s okay to post online??? skfjfajhaha it seems v personal for me but if you’re fine w it, then i’m find w it as well. if you happen to have discord or smth, we could talk there instead if you want but i’m really fine w whatever.

CHILDE CAME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my fucking husband so very pog. and omG?????? bae i’m like,, super happy for you??? omg im like so proud rn im tearing up im not even joking lol. no matter who the motivation is, you still managed to go through it and like,, small victories are still victories to be celebrated. again, i’m so proud and happy for you.

take it easy bby… you seem to have a lot on your plate… if you feel in any way, like… tired or what,, just take a break… i figured thats so much better than falling deeper into a pit of sadness. take breaks when you need them and face your problems when you’re properly rested. it’s v worth it. also, no matter what happens… i want to say that you did so well and i see you putting so much effort into things even if you dont feel like it.

childe’s like…. *dreamy sigh* i love him and the way he works. i rotate him w others v often for reactions so i never had the problem with his cooldown. and??? 28k??? already??? pls he was doing 10k on his first day w me so i think that’s really, really good. and ffs???? those wolf things?? i hate! i hate hate hate hate them </3 fuck corrosion messing w my perfectionist self not wanting to see anything less than a full hp bar…

ON WISHES AND COMFORTS OMG- i remember making that and im like???? how???? how to write venti???? that’s my first time writing for him i think?

//

i didnt go on tumblr for like,, majority of yesterday so i only saw your asks now. i was acc playing genshin bc this is the first time im not behind on schoolwork. i’m making a ghibli themed teapot and so far, the first part’s like 45% done. ….why do i like making myself suffer?

on a side note, I DID SEE YOUR TAG! I’M ATTENDING A LECTURE RN BUT I’LL READ IS AS SOON AS IT’S DONE. IM V EXCITED AND I KNOW YOU DID GREAT! on a different note, i understand how stressful this might be rn but it’ll be alright. if not now, then later. im not sure how to comfort you since i would most likely meltdown if i were you but just remember to breathe. sure, a lot might be on the line but ultimately, one’s self must always be the priority (something i learned from psych btw). good luck on your finals! i’m rooting for you and i’ll support you no matter what!

ps. ily2 <33