#tsh adaptation is not a want it's a need | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 10 months ago

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Going to make this entry about my appointment and write about other stuff in another entry. I may not feel good for a couple of days and therefore not up to writing much because of the shingles vaccination I had, but we’ll see.

It’s a chilly and windy day out there so it’s a good thing I didn’t wear a tank top.

I could faintly hear Ray’s TV when we stepped outside. As long as we don’t hear it inside our place. His house also has its original windows which are crappy single-pane windows that let sound pass through easily.

I hate starting over with new docs, even though this is technically a nurse! This is the third time since being here and we haven’t even been in Florida for 3 years. However, while I didn’t like the waiting time, I liked Rhonda, the nurse I saw. She knew and understood everything I told her except for the sleep disorder.

She managed to save me an appointment by giving me a list of what I should eat and how much of each thing. Going to try having 1200 calories a day. So no need to see a nutritionist, at least at this time. I’ll see her in 4 months and we’ll discuss my lab results and see if I’ve lost weight then. She doesn’t think I should go under 150 lbs given my age and reminded me that your height doesn’t automatically determine what your weight should be. Your age and muscularity is a factor as well. I’ve got a lot of years and a lot of muscle on me. Even 12 lbs would make a difference at my height. No one thought I looked fat at that weight and even I’ll admit that while I certainly wasn’t skinny at 150, I wasn’t that big either. It was still both weird and nice to hear her say, “You don’t have that much to lose,” even though I’m not doing this for looks.

She shocked the shit out of me by telling me she dropped from something like 255 to 130. She was very skinny. So much so that I would think it was in her genetics to be that way. She says she works hard every day to keep her weight down and that it took her about a year to get most of the weight off.

To start from the beginning - we found the place easily and arrived early. The waiting room was dead and the TV and music were at a reasonable volume even though I still prefer nothing at all. My phone or journal is enough to entertain me while I wait.

After 20 minutes of waiting a guy came and got me. He took my vitals and input my medications. Another 10 minutes or so and Rhonda came in.

She knew right away what I was talking about when I told her that the thyroid medication can cause anxiety. I also told her I couldn’t stand to get my TSH in the normal range. Before I could point out that doctors told me as long as I was under 10, I was okay, she mentioned that. So it’s good that she was understanding and not any kind of a denier. Based on my current weight and energy levels, I shouldn’t be over 10 now.

As I’ve had to do at times, she mentioned that others have to sometimes cut a bit of time off as well before food and drink after taking levothyroxine or even skip a day or two but I want to do all I can to avoid skipping altogether because that can make me more anxious. She said I would need my dose decreased if I hit 150. I don’t know if I can sustain a diet of 1200 calories a day, but I’m going to try my best. Maybe knowing I’ll be seeing her again in 4 months will motivate me because she’s going to check my progress then. I’m going to have three 300-calorie meals, and the rest of my calories will be snacks and coffee. So my portion sizes are going to have to go way down, and it’s going to take time to adapt if I ever can. I can only have 3 ounces of meat per meal, 25 to 35 carbs per meal, and 10 carbs per snack. I’m going to look up keto recipes for various meal ideas and she gave me some suggestions too.

She gave me a referral to the ENT and I showed her my fingernail that keeps splitting. She said she once had a nail that kept splitting and her manicurist put some kind of an acrylic overlay on it that allowed it to grow out past the split.

She listened well and didn’t make me feel rushed or anything like that and said to just message her over the portal when I’m ready for refills on medications.

I hope I’m not going to regret the shingles shot. It’s a two-shot dose. The second shot I’ll get when I see her in 4 months. It was rough on Tom for a couple of days after he got his because he felt like he had the flu with symptoms of fatigue, muscle aches, and chills. Rhonda said the second shot is typically rougher and Tom agreed. They both insist it’s worth it as having the shingles is no fun at all. My mother had the shingles but I don’t think the vaccine existed then. It’s recommended to everyone over 50.

I updated her on all the cardiac testing I had and told her I have high cholesterol and why I’m not on statins.

She confirmed that my mammogram and GYN check-ups were up to date.

Labs will be the week before I see her again.

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thunderheadfred · 3 years ago

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💥Bakugou HC's💥

Aged-up pro hero Katsuki for all of these. Some NSFW beneath the cut. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

General

He’s scary good at everything he tries. Every. Single. Fucking. Thing. It’s infuriating. Has zero patience when other people can’t immediately master a skill. Never let him teach you anything. Not that he’d offer, nerd.

He WILL offer, though. A lot. He can’t believe you still can’t Do That Thing. Tsh. Like THIS. You're gonna hurt yourself, Dummy.

But hold on. Of course you have unique skills of your own. You work hard to improve yourself. Trust me, he's the first person to notice. He doesn't praise anyone lightly, so when he raises his eyebrows and whispers he's impressed, your heart will go thermonuclear.

Perfect spelling and fully punctuated texts. Never uses abbreviations. Employs a grand total of four emojis, all of them angry faces. Constantly leaves you on read. He's busy, dammit.

Doesn’t smile or laugh in public (except sarcastically). His real smile is a crooked, fragile thing. Never make him feel self-conscious about it, or you might not see it again for weeks.

He does not talk about his private life to the press. Ever. Will K.O. rookie reporters who can't keep their big mouths shut.

HOweVER: he's intensely kind to his fans. There is a whole photographic sub-genre of little girls in cosplay hugging Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight like he's a Disney Princess.

Too smart for his own good. Emotionally hyper-vigilant. Overthinks every interaction to hell and back. Will act like he's not listening but actually hears every single word in a ten-block radius.

INSECURE AF. 110% convinced he will never be good enough. Terrified of his loved ones leaving him behind. Does he do anything to assuage his fears? Like... talk to anyone about it? Hell no. That would require admitting he has fears to begin with.

Seeing people upset makes him upset, especially if he doesn't know how to fix it.

The epitome of being mean because he cares. He genuinely does not seem to comprehend that monosyllabic grunts and lopsided shrugs are not actually that comforting.

Because he was such a brat growing up, he wants to make up for it now. Sort of. In his own way. Look, he's trying, okay?

He smells - so - good. Obscenely good. He doesn't wear cologne; are you joking? There's the burnt-sugar caramel candy smell of his quirk, for starters. And since he sweats deadly ammunition, he showers and wipes himself down almost constantly. He always smells clean. Like a fucking meadow.

Never got that growth spurt he was hoping for. He’s a short man - not even THAT short - but he has a Napoleon complex anyway. If you’re taller than him, the collars of your shirts will all be stretched out. He’s constantly dragging you down to his level. He will assert himself all the fucking time; the pissing contest is never-ending. Don’t wear tall shoes unless you want him to drag you around on a leash. If you’re shorter than him, that’s good. That’s very good. He likes that.

He’s an incredible cook, but everything he makes is a nuclear fire challenge. Adapt or starve.

- - - - -

Dating

Makes artisanal, nutritionally flawless bento lunches for both of you. When people assume his S.O. makes them, he gets fucking pissed. Damn right your co-workers are jealous of my cooking.

Your pet name is Dummy. Don’t like it? Fine. You can be dumbass.

There will be zero PDA in this relationship. His hands are shoved so deep in his pockets you can’t even try.

Intensely private with the press. But with his friends, he will brag about you nonstop. Bakugou Katsuki has the most talented and attractive and intelligent S.O., and anyone who doesn't recognize that is blind. Were you assholes even listening?

A mutual buddy definitely recorded one of these drunken brag-rants and sent it to you for safekeeping. Do not let Katsuki find out about it, unless you enjoy having an ash pile for a phone.

Gets jealous about everything, at least at the start. He calms down eventually. Kinda. He stops saying shit to you about it, anyway, because he learns to trust you. But anyone who so much as looks at you in a too-friendly manner will get the death stare of a lifetime.

He’ll throw all kinds of temper tantrums and the two of you will argue about every tiny fucking thing. He’ll scream out car windows, he’ll ball up his shirt and gnash on it. But he will never raise his voice at you. He’d rather die than make you feel unsafe.

Honestly, the constant bickering is really just... uhh... passionate communication. Eventually you both hash out the important things. You'll learn how to step around his landmines and actually make your points, and he'll learn to open up. A little.

Once you meet his mom, Katsuki starts to make a lot more sense. His family just... emotes like that. Eventually, you and his dad form a spousal support group consisting of exactly two lifetime members. He teaches you the Bakugou family semaphore you need to survive a long-term relationship.

Katsuki can dish it out but absolutely cannot take it. The only person who can level with him about serious issues without explosive fallout is his dad. Or, on a lucky day, Kirishima.

If you give him a legitimate criticism (even gently!) he will take it about as gracefully as a knife to the gut, because it confirms everything he hates about himself.

To your never-ending shock, you’ve made him cry. Yes, CRY! You monster! More than once! His lip gets all *trembly* and his eyes get all *watery* and all you want to do is hug him, but. No. He’ll storm out and wander around for a few hours before coming back with the problem perfectly solved.

He always takes your advice to heart. No, he will NOT talk about it, stop asking.

Gets mad if you don’t snuggle him on the regular. Will drag you into his lap with a pissy little grunt. There might be two seats on this couch but you will not be needing both of them.

Takes pictures of you while you sleep.

Takes even more pictures of you when you're awake but think he's out of the room.

He looks at all these pictures when he's away on high-stakes jobs. He gets all bleary eyed and sleeps in a salty puddle without you. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

You don’t have to meet him at the door or anything, but when he says “I’m home,” you’d better answer fast. If he doesn’t know your precise location in 0.05 seconds, he will assume you’ve been kidnapped. He never checks the fridge for notes. Never assumes you've gone down to the konbini for a snack. No, it’s kidnapping every time.

A terrrrrrible bed partner. He goes to bed at senior citizen hours and will never fuck you after sundown. He snores SO loud. Runs hot and sweats through the sheets. Slaps and elbows you in his sleep and aggressively spoons you with his loud, sweaty body. You WILL want to suffocate him. Separate bedrooms aren’t such a horrible idea......

BUT HANG ON, because in the morning he transforms into an honest-to-god angel. He's half awake, his guard is non-existent. Morning Katsuki is a doting kissy-faced marshmallow man.

If you can wake up before the ass-crack of dawn, he will pamper the fuck out of you. You are royalty for one (1) hour only, and he is your bleary-eyed slave. You want a cuddlefuck? You got it. Hugs? Kisses? Take as many as you need. You want a perfect, fluffy, NON-SPICY omelette with a heart drawn in ketchup? Here it is, gorgeous.

Then he gets in the shower and the spell is broken.

- - - - -

💥bang BANG💥

Let’s get the obvious out of the way: this here is an ASS. MAN. He'll spank you with his quirk; doesn’t matter if you’ve been good or bad. Wants to see you wince when you sit down later.

Likes pounding you face down with a vice grip on your waist.

Unfortunately, even with all that said... he doesn't exactly have the feral beast sex drive you were expecting. He’s married to his work and has the fuddy-duddy habits of a once and future valedictorian. Only fucks you when he has the time and energy to fully dedicate himself to it.

But ohhhh. Shit. When it's time? It's TIME. The man will rush for nothing. Stamina for days. Making you cum as many times as possible is a point of pride. Yeah, you passed out once.

You’re gonna need those days off when he’s done with you.

That dick THICC.

Sends unsolicited dick pics. Only after you’ve been dating a good long while - he doesn't show that shit to just anyone. But yeah, don’t check your phone at work. He won't cum without you; those pictures and videos are time bombs. You better get home. Now.

Physically dominant as FUCK, but won’t verbally degrade you unless you ask. Well, let’s be honest. Unless you beg.

Praise him and reap the rewards. A long hard ego stroking will get him off more than touching his cock ever will.

Will grab your hair and fuck your throat. Will also stop immediately if you need him to.

The two of you have safe words and gestures. Even for vanilla stuff. He’s paranoid about scaring or hurting you. He insisted you both sign a color-coded ‘love contract’ that he meticulously formatted in a word processor. When you gave him guff about it, his blush was the darkest crimson you’d ever seen.

Coin-flip: he will sometimes be unbelievably gentle in bed. Doting and affectionate, taking perfect care of you. Like, it’s baffling. There’s no warning, the switch just flips. When you want him to be extra-rough and mean, he’ll sweetly worship you instead. For hours.

Bonus: he likes being penetrated. But of course he’s got a complex about that too. Super intense power bottom. You will never fuck him hard enough. He’d like to see you try. Hit his prostate just right and he might literally explode.

You'll live happily ever after but he will say he loves you out loud exactly once. Maybe. If you're lucky. And you're both about to die.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou headcanons #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x you #gender neutral #mha #bnha #mha headcanons #bnha headcanons #smut #mha x reader #bnha x reader #fred writes

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claymotif · 2 years ago

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hypothetically if you had the possibility to adapt tsh and sky sea into any other type of media what would you adapt them as?? what parts of the story would you focus on in the adaptation and what parts would get left behind (would overall themes change at all? character interactions? worldbuilding and plot? etc etc)?? how would telling the story in a visual medium change them for better or worse?? how would people online horribly misinterpret the story or what do you think theyd say about it?? (this is a longass question answer as much of it as you want LOL)

your MIND okay

mixed feelings on sky sea tbh because i think from a worldbuilding/aesthetic standpoint an animation of some kind would be better BUT a live-action thing would let a lot of dialogue get flattened into significant Looks that are exchanged (which imo works best with live action but CAN be done w animation too). i also think that sky sea could be adapted really well to an episodic style in that their shenanigans could easily be translated to the mini self contained plots with overarching seasonal themes. buuuuut on the other hand u could in theory cut out a lot of the fluff and make the core plot into a standalone movie. i personally think i’d prefer the episodic thing (the character development that could happen here… muah) but hollywood would eat up the standalone movie concept bc of its tendency to flatten characters into What Sells.

i think whether it’s episodic or not an audience would flatten the characters the same? u know. rugged adventurers, snotty princess, Troubled (tm). the difference is that with a series there’s more room for character development so i like to think that there’d be like a portion of the audience devoted to gifsets of parallels and how characters have changed!! with a movie it’d be more about how shippable the characters are.

also because a huge huge huge part of sky sea is. yknow. relationships and old history. a LOT of that tension is portrayed via aderyn and keldan’s internal monologues, which you’d lose in pretty much any screen adaptation but could keep in a comic format. in a screen adaptation the only way to convey that history would be overzealous use of flashbacks (yes i have brainrot but leverage has like. the best use of flashbacks in any show/film ever so i’d probably do that style if anything).

i do kind of think that any adaptation would be more humorous, which tells me that either my book needs to be funnier or something something literature is weightier. idk but i do love the idea of sky sea as a comic book series/webcomic and i think the worldbuilding lends itself well to dramatic “camera” angles so to speak.

tsh HAS to be a live action mini series. like i would simply refuse anything else. there’s enough plot there that trying to cram it all into a movie would be overwhelming and it wouldn’t allow for any downtime or slower moments. the pacing would be so fucked. episodes would let there still be some fluff and softer parts (which are also critical) without sacrificing the plot. it’d be the kind of show with like one season of 8-10 episodes tho; unlike sky sea, tsh has a very definite beginning and end, and it would be a lot more difficult (read: impossible) to pad out with shenanigans the way u could with sky sea.

the live action is an absolute requirement for me. tsh is ultimately a story about humanity (fun fact: originally some of the characters were vampires and fae and the like, bc urban fantasy, but then i realized that the whole 'morality' theme wouldn't hit as hard with monstrous characters aka the ppl the readers expect to have dubious morals anyway), which means seeing real humans do the things the characters do. like idk i love animations but the ‘real�� aspect would get lost in the art style if that makes sense.

as far as worldbuilding goes i would probably simplify the magic system? or at the very least i think it isn't particularly necessary to explain it in a lot of depth. u know. soft magic systems.

also tsh would be the kind of show where ppl would be like "you have to watch it, it's got gay people" "okay what's the plot" "..... there's gay people" BUT there would be a select corner of fandom where everyone is as insane as you and i are. they're writing essays about themes and analysis and symbolism and i love them for it. mwah

idk what else to say even tho im sure i missed stuff so tl;dr (even tho i know you read everything anyway): sky sea would be an ongoing tv series with ideally a game of thrones-style fandom (except imagine if got didn't have the worst series ending in television history) doing the like. gifsets and parallels and in-depth meta analysis. tsh would be a one-season mini-series and most of the fandom would talk about literally anything except the important themes and character development <3

#.txt #aghhhhh ben i LOVE this #sorry if i missed something you Wanted answered but like feel free to ask clarifying questions idc

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hoodoo12 · 5 years ago

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Oki oki so this might be oddly specific, but imagine, he has a crush on one of his friends, (and they obviously like him back but he’s oblivious) so one day when they have a sleep over or something, and uh oh he’s got a problem so he decides to take care of it, essentially starts getting himself off to the thought of his crush, and well say his crush hears him, goes to investigate and decides to help him, this leads to a confession and a dom crush(if you’re uncomfortable with this that’s oki :3)

Oh heck yes. This one was fun. Thank you!

NSFW, Dewey Finn/f!reader, voyeurism, masturbation, safe sex

The Next Step

“It’s too late to walk home. It’s raining! Just stay here.”

“It’s only three in the morning! I’ll be fine!” “Dewey, seriously. Just stay here. I’ll fix up the couch. And make you pancakes for breakfast.” “Waffles?” he asked in reply, batting his eye lashes at you. You laughed and slapped him on the chest. “If it means you’re not walking home in the middle of the night in the rain, then yes! I’ll sweeten the deal and make you waffles!” He grinned and agreed.

Although it wasn’t the most comfortable piece of furniture ever made, you set him up on your couch, as promised. With sheets and a real bed pillow even, and not just a blanket and whatever lumpy throw pillow was available. Wishing him a good rest of the night, you went to your tiny windowless closet of a bedroom. You heard Dewey shuffling around for a bit as you stripped down to just your panties and climbed into bed, but soon your apartment was quiet and still, with only the sound of rain outside. That’d always been a soothing sound to you. Usually it sent you right to sleep, but tonight, after being in the bar your brain was too amped to let you drift away. You sighed, tried a different position, sighed again, flipped your pillow--the other one that you were used to having was out on the couch--sighed again, and tried to will yourself to be still. Maybe just pretending to be asleep would trick you into going to sleep.

Closing your eyes and trying to concentrate on the sound of the rain, your ears picked up on another sound. A faint gasp? A muttering? You were familiar with every sound this old apartment made, and those were not usual.

Creeping out of bed, you quietly opened the door to investigate what fresh hell this place had in store for you. You really needed to find a new place--

You glanced around and took a step into the open living space, trying to be quiet and not wake Dewey, when a sharp gasp, quickly muzzled, caught your attention. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark, and ambient light from outside even with the rain, helped. What you saw in washed out grey tones, however, was not what you were expecting.

Dewey, your friend, someone you hung out with and had a great time with, someone you’d kinda-sorta developed a crush on even if he was too oblivious to realize it, had his face buried sideways in the pillow you’d loaned him. He’d kicked the blanket and sheets you’d provided off and had shoved his underwear down to his knees. His hand was on his cock, stroking it leisurely. You watched as his hand increased its speed and he pulled his face out of your pillow to gasp and breathe. He moaned a word-- --your name-- --before shoving his face back into the pillow to muffle himself. His hand also slowed, but you saw his hips push upward into himself. Your face was on fire, seeing such an intimate moment. That fire was in your belly too, though; you wouldn’t deny there had been times your hand was at the junction between your legs with his name on your lips too. You should be embarrassed. You should give him his privacy. You should step back into your bedroom. You didn’t. It suddenly dawned on you that you were standing in the dark, watching Dewey stroke himself and hearing your name come out of his mouth, voyeuristically, in just your panties. Was is right? No. Was it hot? Yes. While you debated yourself whether to return to your bed or be bold and finally admit to him you thought about him in a much more intimate way than simply being friends, Dewey opened his eyes. It was hard to read expressions in the dark, but the horrified gasping he gave catching sight of you gave you a pretty good idea he was mortified. That, and his scramble to pull up his pants and cover himself with the blanket that managed to do neither told you more than enough. Still, the fact that he’d been jerking off and obviously thinking about you gave you a rush of confidence you wouldn’t have imagined possible. Almost without thinking, you picked your way barefoot close to the couch. The floor creaked a little under your feet and before you knew it, you were standing beside him. He’d continued to try and readjust his briefs, continued to struggle with it, and instead managed to yank the sheet back up for some semblance of decorum, here in the dark. “You don’t need to to that,” you told him, reaching for the hem of the sheet and tossing it back down his legs, putting him back on display again. “You didn’t finish. I can’t imagine you’re going to get much sleep without taking care of that.” You nodded towards his groin. And who were you?! “It’ll--” Dewey’s voice was high pitched and cracked. He swallowed and tried again, in more his regular voice. “It’ll go away. I’m, uh, surprised it hasn’t already!” He hadn’t removed his shirt, but you let your gaze leisurely stroll over his body. With the help of the streetlights, your eyes had adapted well enough to the dark to see that his nipples poked his shirt, and that his lower belly was exposed. He’d covered himself with his hand after the aborted attempts to use underwear or bed linens. “It looks uncomfortable. There’s no way you’ll get to sleep like that.” His eyes widened. It seemed clear he was wondering who you were too. Sure, you’d touched his arm and wrist and chest even tonight. Sure, you’d brushed his hair back from his face more times than you could count. Sure, you’d hugged him and kissed his cheek(s) randomly, sometimes not even when you were drunk. And he’d done most of the same to you. Maybe he’d never touched your chest, but there had been times he’d slipped an arm around your waist after a really good set when he was really pumped up. But all that aside, neither of you had ever overtly expressed feelings for each other--until you spied on him right now.

Dewey’s eyes flicked down your body, and it suddenly came rushing back that you were standing beside him in just your panties. Your decidedly damp panties, not that he was aware of that. Your feet moved you without conscious thought closer to the couch; you walked like you were going to stop near his head but continued along side it to where his legs stretched out. You felt his hand ghost over the cotton panties covering your ass as you walked past him.

Turning so you looked up his body from knees to face, you raised an eyebrow. His expression, with wide eyes and a loosened jaw, had a bit of hopefulness in it, and his chest rose and fell in a quick but noiseless pant. “Do you want help with that, Dewey, or would you like to finish yourself off? I could leave, or I was thinking maybe I could sit right here?” Over the tops of his thighs, you mimicked the light touch he’d given your ass. For a moment he seemed overwhelmed with the questions. He licked his lips, then repeated it, then swallowed. You used your nails on his legs, and he jumped liked he’d been stung. That also seemed to spur him, because he licked his lips a third time and croaked out, “I’d, uh--I mean, you can stay, it’d be cool if you stayed and Iwouldn’tmindifyousatthere.”

The end of the sentence smeared together and now his eyes squeezed shut, as if he couldn’t believe he’d just asked you to sit on his bare thighs, even though it’d been your bold suggestion. Your answer wasn’t verbal; you simply agreed by balancing on one foot and lifting the other leg to straddle his upper thighs. Your bent knee pushed in between his leg and the cushion on the back of the couch, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. His skin was warm between your own legs. Dewey groaned softly as you settled into place. “This okay?” He nodded, his eyes still closed. “So you want to show me how you get yourself off, or would you like me to do it?” In response, the hand he’d been using to shield himself wrapped around his shaft again. You caught your breath as you had a front row view to him giving himself a stroke. Here in the cool grey tones of the dim room your eyes were riveted to his groin. Of course his hand was well practiced and moved along his cock from base to tip; you didn’t miss the squeeze he gave himself when his fist returned to its starting point before repeating the motion. A bead of pre-come glistened at the slit of his head, but he didn’t swipe a thumb over it to remove it. His light moans filled your ears over the sound of the rain patting the windows. Even mostly undressed, it suddenly became too hot in here. Dewey under you, stroking himself off, was arousing, and your hands went to your tits to cup them and play with your own nipples. Tiny thrills of pleasure from that made you shiver, and you moaned a little too. You had an urge to run your hands over him to his chest, to pinch his nipples too, and one hand actually dropped to his hip. Dewey’s hand paused at that touch, although he didn’t stop completely. When you were able to pull your attention from the action at his groin to look up his body at him, you saw that he was watching you with half-lidded eyes and his lower lip caught tightly between his teeth. “Can I?” you asked. Your voice sounded a little raspy, and you realized it was because you’d been breathing through your mouth and your throat was dry. Dewey nodded, even though you didn’t articulate exactly what you were asking permission for. Still, agreement was agreement. Your hand slid from his hip to his belly, skirting his cock but following the thicker trail of hair from his pubic bone to his navel. Rucking his tshirt up as you continued, you left it bunched up by his shoulders as you exposed his chest. Then, just as you’d wanted to do, your thumb and first finger found his nipple, and rolled it lightly. He jerked. That was an okay response, but not exactly what you were hoping for. Since most of this had happened without you thinking everything through rationally, you continued the trend as you leaned over him to put that same nipple in your mouth. If you rolling his nipple was a minor jolt, your lips and teeth on the same spot was a live wire. Dewey arched his back and gave his first actual cry. You grinned around the bit of his flesh you had in between your teeth, and flicked it with your tongue to hear him do it again. His free hand came up to the side of your head and he grabbed it to keep you in place. You obliged, applying a bit of suction this time, and his fingers tightened in your hair as he arched his back again. The move actually bucked you off balance and your fingers spread on his chest to steady yourself. Because you were stretched over him a bit, with his hand and cock trapped under you, you pushed yourself back, dragging your nails down him as you did. He groaned a little, and you couldn’t tell if it was because you’d left off his nipple or because he liked the light scratching through the hair on his chest and belly. As you righted yourself, you felt the tell-tale chill of wet just below your tits; the pre-come he’d neglected to wipe off the head of his cock left a slightly sticky smear there.

The hand in your hair dropped to your shoulder, then your boob as you sat up. For a moment, Dewey’s hand seemed to have forgotten its task at his groin as the calloused fingers of the other cupped your right tit, and he gently tugged your nipple, like you’d done with his, although softer. You pressed into his hand a little, and caught the quick grin that replaced his slack-jawed expression at the encouragement. The roughness of his fingertips made your nipple harden and you laughed, a little.

He flashed a bigger smile, the cute one that typically made you feel giddy when you saw it. Here in the dark, wearing only panties, sitting on his thighs, with one of his hands on his cock and the other on your tit, it made a heavier warmth settle in low in your belly. Each of you took a breath.

Out of the blue and without talking about it, the air between the two of you changed. A needy desperation gripped you and seemed to take hold of him too. His fingers tightened and gave your tit a pull. You gasped this time, and bent at the waist to run your tongue over the head of his cock. For the third time, Dewey cried out, and then nothing was happening fast enough.

You stood up to rid yourself of your underwear, holding on to him so you didn’t fall over in your haste. He didn’t release your tit; in fact, he grabbed the other one and squeezed them together, like that was going to help support you. You didn’t care. He also attempted to kick his own briefs further down his legs, but with his hands occupied he was not successful. You laughed and once you were completely nude, you took them by the elastic waistband and shucked them down to his ankles. His hands slipped to your waist, trying to guide you back into position above him. But--

You hated to bring everything to a screeching halt and you were pretty sure Dewey didn’t have anything that he could give you . . . except pregnancy, the rational part of your brain shouted, and that wasn’t what you wanted at this time in your life!

“Dewey--Dewey, wait, do you have a rubber? Wait, I’ve got one in my nightstand--” You extracted yourself from his grip even as he protested and tried to keep hold of you; you scrambled back to your bedroom. He called after you, “Why do you keep condoms in your nightstand? How many guys are you bringing home?”

You heard the tease in his questions; he was a close enough friend that he knew you weren’t sleeping with anyone. In the back of your mind you actually wondered if the condoms you had were expired or not; you dismissed that thought. It’d be okay. In record time, you’d found the box and were back at the couch. Dewey’d taken the opportunity to rid himself of his briefs and his shirt, finally, and reached for you again even as you tore the thin cardboard of the box and extracted a condom. He guided you over his legs again while you tried to open the smaller package in the dark. Frustrated by your own fingers inability to complete this task as quickly as you wanted, you grabbed it between your teeth to open it.

Finally you ripped it open and, with Dewey hiked up on one elbow to watch the proceedings with wide eyes not just because of the dim lighting but because of arousal too, you took his cock in hand for the first time and rolled the rubber over him. He groaned at your touch and his hand went to the base of his cock to hold himself steady as you kept one foot on the floor and lifted yourself over him. Your fingers slick with lube, you ran them through your pussy, then, even though you were panting from anticipation, you paused a second and looked up at him. “You okay with this, Dewey?” you fretted lightly. He pulled his eyes away from your body and what was about to happen to catch your eyes too. His mouth was still open and his lips were shiny. “Are you kidding me?!” he blurted. “Of fucking course I’m okay with this! Yes--” The second the word that started with a ‘y’ left his mouth, it was what you needed to hear. You sank down onto him before his agreement was complete, his cock slipping deliciously into your pussy with some resistance, creating the most marvelous friction.

Dewey choked his own words off by dropping his head back with an open-mouthed whine. You held your breath as you let gravity help settle you into the cradle of his pelvis with his cock completely sheathed inside you. When your ass rested on his thighs, you stopped and panted in sharp little bursts; the feeling of him so deep in your pussy created a ripple effect of pleasure that spread throughout your body.

After a second, you rocked experimentally, to find your range of motion. At the slight movement, Dewey’s hands grabbed your thighs and squeezed. He dropped himself flat on the couch and whined again, a keening noise that gave you a little thrill. You put your hands on his chest and leaned forward. Clumsily, you kissed his open mouth, and just as clumsily, he tried to return it. “Don’t most people--” he started to say. You lifted your hips. “--kiss--” His voice cracked on the word. You rolled back onto him. “--before they--” You raised yourself up again. “--fuck?” he finished. You paused, with just the head of his cock in your pussy. “You want to back this up and make out first? Make out instead?” you asked breathlessly. He cranked his eyes open. “Hell no. Fuck me--” His last two words came out more a questioning plea than an order, but you obeyed anyway, even as a final word escaped him, “--please--” Still learning your boundaries, you mostly kept him deep inside you to reduce the chance of him slipping out. You used your core to roll your hips instead of bouncing in his lap; he didn’t seem to care. His voice hitched as he moaned and squeezed your legs in time with your movements. Of course Dewey would find the rhythm in all this. Through your own moans, that made you smile.

With him obviously enjoying this, you chased your own bliss, grinding down on him so his pubic bone put pressure on your clit. That made brighter pleasure arc through you. You slipped a hand around his waist to the small of his back to make him bridge just a little, keeping his pelvis just slightly elevated so the feeling continued. Instead of increasing your movements you kept them small, so he stayed right where you needed him to make that pleasure grow.

A thin sweat broke out over you. You could feel it on him too. It didn’t seem to matter to him that you weren’t engaged in porn star quality thrusts. In fact, Dewey gasped,

“I’m gonna--oh jesus, I’m gonna come--”

With that second’s worth of warning he bucked up into you with erratic pumps of his hips, almost dislodging you, throwing his head back and crying out loudly. You squeezed him both between your thighs and with your pussy to keep tight to him, and him being so deep inside you finished you off as well. The noise you made as you came rivaled his. Euphoria shut down your senses momentarily; all that existed was you and Dewey joined intimately, on your lumpy couch. As you drifted back to reality, you were shaking and you had to peel your hands off him. Dewey slipped a hand between you to hold onto the condom as you lifted yourself off him. Both of you groaned at the loss: him losing the sweet heat of your pussy and you losing his cock stretching you open. You stood up and waiting to get your bearings for a moment before shuffling to a table to grab some tissues. You passed a couple to him and shoved one between your legs. Then you stood for a moment, watching him extract himself from the condom and wiping himself up as your caught your breath. When he finished, he looked up and reached for you. You held your hand out and he pushed the crumpled tissues and wrapped up used condom into your hand. “Dewey! Gross!” He laughed and grabbed your wrist to try and pull you back down to him. You resisted, twisted your hand in his to take hold of his wrist, and tugged at him instead. His brow furrowed. “What’re you doing?” “Taking you to bed,” you replied. “After all that, you think I’m gonna make you stay on this crappy couch?”

With the same flash of adorable smile, he got up and followed you to your tiny bedroom, where it was darker. You dropped the trash he’d handed you into the bin along the way. Settling onto your mattress, there was a moment of the punchy, flustered awkwardness that accompanied first time intimacy. Well, you’d been bold up to this point, so why stop now? You snuggled close and his arm automatically went over you. You kissed him properly on the mouth. Dewey made a squeak of surprise, then he sighed, relaxed, and his tongue tentatively touched yours. You lapped at his but kept it soft. When you each ran out of breath, you stayed pressed against him. “Thanks,” he mumbled in the dark. “Thank you,” you replied quietly. You wondered what he was thinking and if he was regreting it; you could both talk about what all this meant when the sun was up. He cleared his throat. Maybe he wanted to talk about it now-- “You’re still making me waffles, right?” Even if he couldn’t see it, you rolled your eyes. His chuckle shook you both and he found your mouth again even as you pinched him, and eventually both of you settled down enough to fall asleep together.

fin!

#writing #dewey finn #school of rock #dewey x reader

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lightinalexandria · 3 years ago

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Language Turning Point- August 5, 2021 اغسطس ٥

How many languages do I need to study before it sinks in that language learning progress is more like a staircase than a ramp? Apparently more than this one. I can’t pinpoint exactly when, but sometime around the week I came back from Eid break end of July, a couple things finally started suddenly to click. I count four big changes.

One was my confidence to just engage in any conversation in the first place, expecting a positive outcome. I’m not even sure that I’ve gotten any better at understanding the actual words most people are saying when we strike up a conversation on the street. At least these past few weeks, though, I find myself floating along with the jolly grace and hazy understanding of a late night conversation at the bar.

The second is my vocabulary. It’s expanding! I made about 200 flash cards over the break, and drilled a fair amount in coffeeshops. I think that helped, and there was always a friendly face around to help me with pronunciation. I don’t know if I can attribute it just to flashcards, though. This new vocab is one level up from conversational, and gets into the heart of the questions I want to ask about the culture. “Development.” “Privacy.” “Depression.” “Colonization.” “Virginity.” “To succeed.”

The third especially feels like a progress marker, because I’ve written so much about the complexity of Arabic verb structures. I still falter on my own conjugations lots, but I’m noticing I can increasingly peel off the beginning and ending sounds of a verb in real time, and unscramble the vowel sounds to get at the root verb. For a relatively simple example, the verb to hear is “sahm-AGH ” سمع in the infinite form. If I hear the sound “ma-sahm-AGH-tsh”, I need to unpack the beginning and end, and any conjugation in the middle. This is using the negative form (the “M” at the beginning and “sh” at the end), and since there is only a conjugated sound towards the end of the verb root (the “T) sound, this verb is conjugated in the past tense, in this case the “I” form of the past tense. So, the one word means “I didn’t hear.” Phew. Thanks brain. The plural forms of gendered nouns continues to dangle out of reach most days (Lord English is so simple with plurals. “Dog. Dogs.” Beautiful), but I’ll take what I can get now.

The last change is the most exciting. I can finally start to engage in the kind of conversations I’m studying Arabic to have. Taxes, housing policy, generational trauma, colorism, sex, gender equality, tourism development. I’ve been having these conversations in English with Egyptian friends since the beginning, but having them in English means I’m talking to a more formally educated, often wealthier, often more progressive young Egyptian. It’s been one of the greatest joys of these past few months to have these conversations with one of my Arabic teachers Ines, a wonderful human with a profoundly conservative worldview. Our first 6 weeks this summer were taken with improving my fluency and talking lots about my past, current and future plans. She is a a truly amazing teacher -I have high standards for my fellow teachers, as many of you know- with the gift of knowing just when to push and when to support and when to wait. Neither of us have any illusions about convincing the other of anything, but there’s an intense curiosity from both sides to understand just how the heck we could view the world so differently, and tremendous mutual respect.

Dept of Obvious Noticings, talking to Ines has made me realize that up until now my Arabic has been almost exclusively small talk, and my big “aha’s” about American and Egyptian culture have come from English or wordless noticings. I haven’t quite put my finger on exactly why yet, but there’s something so incredibly powerful about hearing answers to deep and personal questions in someone’s native language. It’s like the old Claritin commercial where you think the screen is clear but then a thin film of plastic or something is peeled back and everything on screen gets a little brighter. Is it because we have different personalities when we speak different languages? That every word in our native tongue is chosen and spoken effortlessly? That accented non-native English somehow feels less “true”?

I just know that starting these conversations is motivating me to lock down even more vocab and conjugations in this last month. It took a long time to get here, and I want to learn all I can while the settings good.

Language learning triumphs are almost never apparent in the moment, and on the rare occasions they are, it’s more of a dull relief than an endorphin rush. I’m not constantly delighted by my ability to have conversations in languages I already speak, and so when I’m in the moment of understanding a particular conversation in Arabic, it’s suddenly just another conversation that I understand. It feels more like the dumbbell is suddenly off my shoulders than a victory balloon is lifting me off the ground.

The Eid vacation after I came back from Siwa was an emotional low point of the summer. I was out of my usual routine, everyone was out of town or busy, and I was frustrated with both my perceived lack of progress in Arabic and lack of self discipline to study on my own during those days.

Us humans just adapt so darn fast. Homeostasis is a helluva biological mechanism, but it’s not great for emotional victory laps. And I think a small one is warranted. It’s been night and day these last two weeks.

#arabic #language learning

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kristenbouchard · 4 years ago

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dont get me started on donna tartt (since ur icon appears to be her?)

oh for realz... okay hashtag dark academias look away. i love madam tartt obviously, i’m a big fan of her writing and the secret history is my most-read book of the last six or so years. BUT i lichrally cannot engage with anyone on here about anything to do with her or tsh because it’s insufferable like i’m sorry that’s so harsh but i can’t do it. i’ve been saying this for years but i think the idolization of tsh and her writing has sooo missed the mark and its glorification is for all the wrong reasons. if it should even be glorified. i don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not supposed to want to go to hampden college and go bacchanal crazy and kill one of your friends like that’s not... the point. imo reading donna tartt’s writing literally as opposed to understanding the aestheticized world and overly flowery grim stories you’re presented through the eyes of a pessimistic yet romantic narrator is just boring and you’re not getting it. i know this is #controversial when there’s an entire blog trend on this website that largely considers tsh to be its canonical text but i think she would look at that and go oh that’s cool but also so sad for you and you should maybe consider finding joy in something concrete in your actual life otherwise i’ve taught you nothing. i just think it’s often taken too seriously when in reality each one of her characters is just plain ridiculous for a different reason. this is honestly why i want a knives out-esque film adaptation of tsh because at the end of the day it’s laughable that these are all ridiculously wealthy (with the exception of richard) white kids who are completely removed from anything other than the insular reality they’ve created for themselves — to the extent that they often have no awareness of how anything mundane works for like. normal people — and that’s the point. need i remind you that henry didn’t even know humans had been to the moon

#send me “don’t get me started on” + a random topic and i‘ll answer with a rant about it #as an addendum im frothing at the mouth for her to write gay women or at least from the perspective of a woman (who isnt a small child)#bc the way she writes about women from the pov of a male narrator is like..... yeah. okay i see you

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andruwminyrd · 6 years ago

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just some random playlist i’ve made

kmusic just a bunch of the kpop i listen to

retro kpop i got inspired by this yt playlist but there were no triple h so i made my own version

bangtan nothing special it’s just their songs, they deserved their own playlist

3AM a playlist i usually listen to at 1-4am when the world is quiet

2018 the soundtrack of my 2018 (aka just my favs atm)

chill just a chill playlist for when u r in a chill mood, or just needs to stop think for a moment

🍒 honestly i don’t know i just like the cherry emoji

cafe the kind of playlist i’d have in the background if i owned a cafe or that just gives me cafe vibes

mood "i don't feel very much like pooh today," said pooh. "there there," said piglet. "i'll bring you tea and honey until you do." honestly idk with this playlist but i like it

witchy we are the grand daughters of all the witches you were never able to burn. perfect for halloween when that time comes or just when u r in a witchy mood

hawkins a mix of the songs from the show + some of my fav 80s songs that i’d listen to if i lived in hawkins in the 80s

beauty is terror just some songs that gives me tsh vibes

musicals kind of a mess but gr8 songs from gr8 musicals

this is a gays only event go home. just a mix of songs by lgbt artists or songs that could be lgbt

those meddling kids this is an updated version of this playlist i made 2 years ago but this is the kind of vibe i would want a live action adaptation of scooby doo to have, or it can also just be a cassette the mystery gang got in their mystery machine that they listen to while driving through the world while mysteries and ghosts finds them

#text #playlist #spotify #spotify playlists #veurona #gansaey #userabi #userdeena #nojiwook #*#*playlist #*mixtape #500

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mauriacs · 6 years ago

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20 Q’s

tagged by - @augustinianseptember, thank you very much!! <3

Rules: answer 20 questions so your followers can get to know you better, and tag 20 other people you’d like to know better.

1- name: Al

2- nickname: uhm my family calls me Moose for some reason, and my friends call me by my last name (literally not one of my irl friends has called me by my first name in years) which i will not disclose lmao

3- zodiac sign: gemini, im begging dont unfollow me i promise im nice

4- height: a sad 5″3′ ish

5- languages spoken: english and 2% of french, maybe at a stretch, im learning dutch now if that helpps

6- nationality: ppl call me extra when i say british instead of english, but more that half of me is from scotland (we have a fucking clan,, with tartan, castles, territory & all im shook) or wales (who are decidedly Not english) so i count myself as british

7- favourite fruit: hmmmmm at the moment, i am Loving blueberries

8- favourite season: definitely winter, no questions asked, i love the entire mood and the cold and hnnn i love it

9- favourite scent: lavender can Do No Wrong, but “men’s” deodorant is a close second dont come for me

10- favourite colour: greyish greenish blueish (a stormy sea)

11- favourite animal: cats are so good

12- favourite fictional character: no question toad from the wind in the willows, what an extra bitch i love him,,, honourable mentions are henry winter from tsh, mr collins from pride and prejudice (i hate him so much that i love him), ron weasley from hp (needs more credit), god ill think of some more later

13- coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: i am in fact thoroughly enjoying a cup of tea right now, i dont really drink the other two

14- number of blankets you sleep with: due to the disgusting yet true fact that it is summer, one duvet cover (without the duvet in it) and in winter, one or two

15- when was your blog created: well i created this blog a few years ago, but i deleted Everything and started again completely in march this year

16- favourite subject: im actually In Between schooling atm so i am dropping most subjects, the only subject im keeping from my previous selection is english literature which i do like a lot. the other ones im taking are psychology, philosophy, and either history or french i cant decide. i predict that ill like philosophy a lot.

17- currently watching: bbc’s war and peace adaptation and hooooooooo my god its so good. im quaking

18- favourite band: ive recently started listening to rex orange county who i am L o v i n g, but the first thing that comes to mind is Pink Floyd. i went to see roger waters (the lead singer) a few weeks ago and i still havent gotten over it. i literally cried my way through that concert, there was a massive inflatable pig that said ‘stay human or die’ on it and the crowd managed to drag it down and burst it and i got a fucking piece of the pig!!!!!!!! im shrieking. there was lots of anti-trump imagery in preparation for his uk visit and (e.g. popart style artwork of him in a kkk hood) like, i was loving it. it was visually the best thing ive ever seen (they made the dark side of the moon prism/rainbow thing out of fucking lasers!!! and they got battersea power station chimneys to rise above the stage!!!!!aaaAAaaah) and they had a lot of social messages (like anti-zionism, pro-environmentalism, anti-fascism). and!!!!!!!!!!!! the music was incredible holy shit it was an out of body experience,,, i have to stop now or ill go on forever

19- instruments played: im doing my grade 7 flute this year!!!!!!!! im stressed but excited. i can also read piano music,, a bit,, and work out other wind instruments given enough time

20- favourite book: there is definitely more than one........ the secret history, all of harry potter i know jk is problematic but that will not stop me stanning this series until i die, the wheel of time series, jamaica inn, rebecca, the wasp factory, jurassic park, frankenstein, the song of achilles, all poetry ever written, etc

i tag: anyone who wants to do it, feel free to say that i tagged u

#asks thingy #thank u may!!!!!!!!!

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theseventhhex · 5 years ago

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Alexina Interview

Alexina

Photo by Bree Hart

Soaring between genres whilst maintaining an addictive pop appeal and wistful atmosphere, multi-instrumentalist and thoroughly gifted Alexina indulges her every musical impulse with prominent promise. Combining relatable lyrics with powerful catchy choruses, beguiling vocals and on-point production, Alexina has arrived equipped with many skilful facets. Pushing the envelope by playing by her own rules, this young and progressive songwriter has an ever-present and self-confident energy alongside a wide variety of inspirations that inform her songs… We talk to Alexina about living in London, being influenced by literature and Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3…

TSH: You’re currently in the midst of writing one song a day for the next ten days. What made you settle on this direction?

Alexina: Well, I’m set to be in the studio with Rob Brinkmann for the next few weeks. He’s who I do all of my songwriting and production with and beforehand I thought it would be a good idea to challenge myself in this way. After all, I feel like I’ve grown as a writer and I shouldn’t be relying on people to write songs anymore.

TSH: What intentions do you mainly outline in terms of production?

Alexina: The amazing thing about working with Rob Brinkmann is that he has an incredibly organic way of looking at production. A lot of my EP is synth heavy in terms of sounds but we’ve used a lot of organic instruments as well, there’s a real blend of the two. For instance, we record real drums on an iPhone and then put in processed drums or we’ll record guitar, then distort the guitar and put it through a synth pedal. There’s a real hash mash of different sounds, but every sound is there for a reason.

TSH: What’s at the core of your recent musical expressions?

Alexina: I’m very reactionary writer; something has to hit me to write about it. The bulk of the work that I’m working on now is written about a pretty intense breakup I had about a year ago. The poor guy is still being used as a source of inspiration, ha! But yeah, everything is written from a very personal point of view. Also, I try to discuss things relating to women of my age and the impact of society too - how fucking tough it can be living in London and working at the same time.

TSH: How do your London surroundings impact your music?

Alexina: Living in one of the most expensive cities in the world and trying to be creative at the same time is incredibly difficult. You end up using so much energy only to have just about enough time to be in the studio, but you’ve got to pay rent too. I can’t help but look at my friends around me who aren’t artists and how they make money and constantly strive ahead in terms of their careers. The comparison between yourself and others can be very stark. I sometimes feel like I’m living in a very microscopic environment. I actually grew up in the countryside and in London I get caught up working too much or going out too much. It’s not the best place to be, but there is still so much going on that I draw upon for my artistry.

TSH: Your name of course stems from the Scottish female warrior. How often do you channel your inner Alexina?

Alexina: Whenever I need to feel liberated, ha! The name makes me feel empowered, that’s why I try to write lyrics about real things that are going on. So much music nowadays has no substance to the lyrics and I want to write about stuff that people are going through and that they can relate to.

TSH: What was the process like in fleshing out ‘Partying on My Own’?

Alexina: I wrote this song two months into my breakup with a guy named Paul Usher. We worked in this tiny little studio that had no windows and we were there for two days. I liked working with him but we just couldn’t get anything out - nothing was sticking. Anyhow, I played what I had to Rob Brinkmann and he was so impressed. He told me to rewrite parts of the song and we eventually got it to sound just right. It was written initially in an angsty way and it then turned into this massively powerful song.

TSH: Your track ‘Silent Kill’ was also featured on the Terminal soundtrack starring Margot Robbie...

Alexina: That was crazy! I think the most exciting thing about that song was that I wrote it in four hours. For that song I was given a brief about writing a track for a movie with a slightly 70s and dark feel - almost like a Bond-esque track. This was the first time ever that I’d written a brief to song which I really liked the arrangements on. I’m so proud of it. Oh, and going to the premiere was really cool too.

TSH: Books are also a source of inspiration for you...

Alexina: I’m a massive reader. If I’m lacking in inspiration in terms of fleshing out an idea that I have, I’ll definitely draw on a book that I’ve read. I feel like I’m more of a writer than an artist. Literature is another part of being a musician that gets me so excited. I love how certain authors arrange words with unique combinations; I want to do the same with my music...

TSH: Much like Roald Dahl did with his books...

Alexina: Yes! He is one of my favourite authors of all time. I love his adult short stories like Switch Bitch and Kiss Kiss. They use the same kind of imagination and magic as his kids books but in a very dark and twisted way. I love the dark side of Roald Dahl - the way he can make people feel so uncomfortable and create such a unique feeling.

TSH: And you’re also going to publish a book for children inspired by your dog...

Alexina: Yes, it’s in the middle of being written. It’s really sad because my poor dog got put down a few weeks ago and I really miss him. He’s the only dog we’ve ever had and he’s inspired this children’s series about dog stories. It’s fictional and I kind of twisted the plot. I’ve imagined that he was this young puppy that comes from a spoilt house in London and gets adopted by this really lovely old farmer couple in Scotland. So it’s about an urban dog adapting to the countryside, being spoilt and thinking he knows it all.

TSH: Speaking of the countryside, is the Scottish countryside your go to place to unwind and find clarity?

Alexina: Yeah, definitely. For me coming back to Scotland is like my therapy. I’m more in love with Scotland than anywhere else in the world - it’s so special and it can truly break your heart in the most amazing way.

TSH: Have you managed to revisit and play Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 recently?

Alexina: Haha! You know it’s so gutting because that’s a PlayStation 2 game and I’ve got a PS4. I suppose I can maybe download it? I remember back in the day having my tonsils out and I managed to complete the whole series of Pro Skater 3. I was so good at it!

TSH: What sort of preferences do you have in mind for future music?

Alexina: I have always had incredibly big dreams about what I want from being a musician. My main goal right now is just to be able to travel the world and play shows. I fucking love performing and if I can be touring and seeing parts of the world whilst making a little bit of money from music then I’ll be the happiest girl in the world.

Alexina - “Partying On My Own”

Cool Together - Single

#Interview #Alexina

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mylifeisachronicmess · 7 years ago

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Finally Getting Somewhere!!

So I finally have an idea of what is going on with my body and why in the crap i feel so awful 95% of the time. Despite me being able to hide it and put on a show most of the time (because everything has gradually gotten worse and i have been able to adapt over time), i feel like i have been hit with a truck almost every day. I honestly, could handle this if i had an answer. Even if i knew this was going to be my life forever, i would be able to figure it out without giving up and letting my fatigue take over. I am aware that this is not a possibility for everyone, but i would be able to accept this and do my best for now. I don’t know what the future may hold if this is going to be my forever, but for right now, i refuse to give up. However, i may finally get some answers soon!

I had my first set of hormone labs done on the 25th of may He ordered a prolactin, testoserone, progesterone, and a TSH to be done on day 21 of my cycle. I got the results back the next day. My Prolactin came back at 48.3. It should be around 24 in a healthy normal child bearing age female. My testoserone came back on the lower end of normal but okay, the TSH jumped from 1.7 to 4.2 in less than a month (so that could be a problem, despite it still being within normal), and my progesterone came back at 9. On day 21 it should be at least 15 if you ovulated, however it wasn’t the most concerning lab result, as it was still within normal as well. So basically everything came back on the low end of normal or high.

I was hoping to hear from his office regarding the labs on Friday, but i didn’t. I am able to see my labs online without hearing from the office, which is how i knew the results. I waited through the weekend and nobody was in on Monday due to it being Memorial day here in the States. I patiently waited until Tuesday to call his office for a couple reasons. I had started my period early and i needed to have the next set of labs ordered for day 3 of my cycle and i also wanted to hear about my labs. Much to my dismay, he is out of the office on Tuesdays. I would have to wait until Wednesday to have the labs drawn (which was going to be day 3) and i still wouldn’t hear anything about results until Wednesday either. However, i did receive a call from the radiology department at my hospital. Apparently, they had received an order for a Brain MRI with and without contrast to look for possible pituitary tumors. They didn’t say why this had been ordered, but i had done my own research and figured it was to look for a prolactin producing tumor to see if that is why my level was double what it should be. I scheduled the scan to be done on June 1st at 1 PM. This was the earliest i could have it done and it worked out perfectly actually.

Wednesday finally came and i was able to get a hold of his office. The MA informed me that there were a couple notes on my chart. One talked about possibly needed some thyroid medication while trying to conceive in the future since mine is out of optimal range. The second note was about the high prolactin level. She told me that i would need to have an MRI to look for the tumor and i told her this was already scheduled. I informed her that i needed to have the next set of labs ordered and that i also have a history of pituitary insufficiency (growth hormone) that i had forgotten to mention to him in my appointment. She was surprised by this and i believe she told him as soon as we hung up. She ordered the labs so i could have them done on time. This time they were testing an estrogen (estradiol) level, and a the FSH level.

I got the labs done on wednesday and the MRI done on thursday. The MRI was interesting. I had it done my someone i know well since we work in the same hospital and he has done previous scans on me regarding my back. He was really nice. He got my IV in one stick and i was so tired from working the night before that i think i just slept through the scan. It was with and without contrast and i do remember the contrast making me feel a little weird but other than that it was a nice little nap.

I was at work on friday and i got a call from my dr’s office asking me to call them back to discuss my lab and MRI results. I was able to quickly walk away and return the call. The MA told me that the FSH came back normal but my Estrogen came back really low, mine is less than 25 and in someone my age it should be at least 40-500 (depending on what part of the cycle you are in). Anything less than 40 is considered to be menopausal levels, this was shocking and upsetting. I am 22 years old why the heck are my estrogen levels low enough for me to be in menopause. She said that low estrogen and high prolactin can go hand in hand so it isn’t that surprising. Maybe not to her, but it was quite shocking to me. She then went on to discuss my MRI results. I didn’t have an obvious tumor show up, but the pituitary gland is somewhat enlarged. It is still within normal limits, but it is definitely larger than it should be for someone my age, not pregnant, and healthy. She told me that considering all of this and taking my history into consideration he wants me to see an endocrinologist. This didn’t surprise me. I have honestly been wondering if i should see one for a while now.

I am very grateful that i am finally heading in the right direction. I am extremely grateful for my Gynecologist who spent 30 minutes with me and has done so much more to help me than my primary care has done in 5+ visits in 2 years. I am so frustrated with him right now as all of my issues could have already been taken care of and under treatment if he would have just listened. I am trying to be patient and understanding. But this is above and beyond my level of giving people the benefit of the doubt. He was so quick to say it was depression, up my meds, put me in therapy and call it a day. Don’t get me wrong, i do think those helped the depression part, but clearly there is more to the story. I am so grateful and appreciative of this dr who seems to really care and want what is best for me despite it being confusing and possibly frustrating for him, i think he realizes it is even worse for me. His office sent out referrals to endocrinologists in the area, we don’t have any in my town, i will have to travel a little ways to find one. I should hear back this next week and get an appointment scheduled.

It is so refreshing to know that there is something more to this. I am not just lazy, i am not just depressed. There is something physiologically wrong and i am truly hoping for answers. I think this is the right direction, i am excited to finally be believed and listened to. I love my new dr. He has done so much for me and he has only seen me once. It is definitely refreshing. I was supposed to follow up with my primary care based on my lab results back in April and i haven’t made that appointment yet. I don’t know what to say. I have a feeling he doesn’t feel the need to see me for a year based on those results. But, based on recent evens i am hoping his mind would be changed. Anyway, i am exhausted and i am going to bed. I am glad i finally have a direction though.

#chronically parfect #chronic fatigue #i am not crazy #this isn't in my head #something is wrong #getting answers #i won't give up #my pcp is dumb right now #frustrated #feel so sick #exhausted #chronic pain #bilateral spondylolysis #depression

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