#trying to use dating apps is so bad for me bc ill match with like two people and no on replies and i feel so stupid

[bonerkebab]

All I can think about is how she didn't want me. I tried so hard and she still doesn't want me and it's ruining my life. All I can do is cry and seethe and think about it and no matter how much I feel like I hate her for doing this to me I still want to see her it's so pathetic

[wanderrlust0]

1/2

honestlyyy my bf is lucky to have me!! bc ive seen and heard things that i feel like another girl would probably not give him more chances or go off on him out of frustration. even his sister told me she’d do things differently. idk im not trying to shit on him at all bc hes a really good person and i love him very much and want to be with him for the rest of my life. i just know that if it was the other way around with all the things we both have done, he would notttt trust me and he already has trust issues. i mean im not perfect either..yes i have done some small things before, but it was without any personal feelings and any intimate physical touch. now, there is a lot of context and things for part of what he did and the situation we were stuck in so like its not as bad as it sounds.. but STILL lol im just thinking. like i know if one of us had to break up with each other it would def be him breaking up with me. i just know. theres already been times where he would sound like he would and he’d make all these confrontations feel so serious. also, hes still a man. yes hes he/they, masc presenting, but he still thinks like men. im not trying to offend anyone pls if literally anyone reads this far so ill explain what i mean. he did not have good luck with girls in hs and so he worked on himself to look better and then got the attention from girls he craved back then. got some experience, got a gf, got cheated on, got dating apps again but stayed fwb with his ex until calling it off when we started dating. i know he can move quickly with things and act on his high sexual drive. if anyone whos considered attractive gives him attention, he could entertain the idea or like he starts to compare me and itll make me feel like im not enough and dont match his lifestyle. i feel like its easier for him than me to start seeing people in a sexual way and want to get in their pants. idk if it could be like the female attention since he doesnt always feel good about himself and now that a pretty girl shows interest its like it gets to his ego. again, i sound like im shitting on him but im not, im just thinking i can type it all out and leave it here bc ive never talked about this or wrote about it. i found out today that he did stuff with his friend ~3 yrs ago while me & him were on a break and me and her are like friendly acquaintances and we went to her baby shower, gender reveal party, & he went to her wedding, all after they did it. he really only told me now bc her husband i guess just found out somehow and msgd my bf about it and said he’ll go msg me about it. he didnt want me to find out first thru someone else, which i appreciate that he was able to tell me first, but its also like okay damn they really did that. and yes it was years ago so i honestly didnt feel hurt about it i was just more shocked. like.. he was on a break with me and felt single and he says shes cheated before so it just happened with them and they didnt do it again. funny thing is that her husband was already suspicious of him years ago and thinking he was only friends with her to do stuff and now shit, he was partially right. honestly, thats a dumb mistake on her end, like she was engaged or almost engaged at the time. also, for the record, he hooked up with (for what i know now) 2 other people during that time period, so 3 within our 1 month break. one didnt involve any feelings i presume and the other one had a shit ton bc they went on actual dates and shit and she ended it bc they both or just she didnt wanna settle. she was 3 yrs younger than him and yes.. i did stalk her a bit bc i needed to know, why her, who she is, etc. and i could already tell she got around..but whatever, i already coped from that lol. back to his friend, he knows she was with someone & he knows her man already didnt like him. even tho she didnt care, he still went along with it bc hes been wanting to do that since the day they became friends. it all makes sense. he met her in school when he was still with his ex so i dont have anything to say about that part but like, again…

[twinkledadwa]

Twinkledad’s #2

Dear Twinkledad,

Am I moving on too fast? I just got out of something super toxic... and not even 10 days later I’m hooking up with someone I just met. My ex really damaged me and I don’t know if I’m doing this to distract myself or if I’m really ready. I feel bad bc this new kid is very sweet and I don’t want to lead him on but also as of right now its just friends with benefits. also I’m talking to a old flame. I just feel lost and like I need a second opinion.

Anonymous.

 Dear Anonymous,  When I answered this question on air, I ran into a few technical difficulties with Serato. As a result, the first song had the audio quality of Never Meant earrape once it finally played. I hope it wasn’t too abrasive! Logan was a big fan of it, though.

 So. 

 Here at Twinkledad’s, we support healthy sex lives. The act of hooking up with someone, even right after a breakup, is completely okay. You have this freedom and it’s in your right to use it. Where you should be careful is your intent behind this FWB relationship. What are you getting out of it? Is it sex for the sake of sex, or are you reaching for something deeper?

 It is wholly possible you could be wanting the “emotional intimacy” often associated with relationship sex. That could be trouble for you and the other party involved.

 Toxic relationships, from common knowledge and experience, can leave a lot of emotional trauma. Now is the time for you to learn how to heal. Finding healthy coping mechanisms is a trial-and-error process. That is what essentially takes up most of the timetable for moving on; once it clicks, and you’ll know when, it’s a matter of days from then.

 The question could be, “am I trying to move on too fast?”.  Forcing yourself to move on, actively or subconsciously, does not allow you the respect you deserve. Applying what was previously said to your specific question, you could be ignorant to what your emotions need right now. Likewise, if your FWB or old flame are not on the same page as you, they could become more attached than you are. No one’s at fault for this. You’d be coping and that’s reasonable.

 You simply asked for a second opinion, and probably didn’t want this long of a response. To give an answer to your original question, yes, I believe you are. I know nothing beyond the question you’ve sent in, but I really wish you the best with everything.

 “Anniversary Song” was chosen for its subject matter. The entire album, Just Married, is a very bitter and real portrayal of breaking up, moving on, and dying angry. 

 “Heathers” is not only catchy, but (possibly) about a booty call. It is a fun introspection about staying up all night and needing someone to talk to.

Glocca Morra - Anniversary Song

Insignificant Other - Heathers

Dear Twinkledad,

How do I apologize to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me? Is there a way where I can apologize without it being self serving?

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

 In essence, I feel like this is impossible.

 There’s nothing wrong with that. You should give your interests and the other person’s interests the same amount of respect. It is difficult when you have genuine regret over something and you can’t necessarily go across portraying that when the other person, reasonably so, is hurt/upset/any sentiment that results in them not wanting to talk to you. 

 Apologizing right now, in this situation, will realistically be seen as self serving. In Moral Philosophy we discussed the concept of psychological egoism. Egoism is pretty different from selfishness, as egoism is acting in one’s self interest with wisdom, charity, and kindness towards others. Common critique brings up the possibility that other interests (in this case, the feelings of the other person) could be prioritized and therefore egoism can’t be achieved. Yet a lot of classmates, including myself, argued for all actions being inherently self-interested. Apologizing to your person, how would you consider it? Are you apologizing because they are hurt, or because you miss them?

 That’s not to imply you don’t feel regret. We’re humans, philosophy was never meant to be taken as universal truth. It’s to suggest a possible answer on whether or not it would be self serving.

 I suggest waiting for them to reach out. They could not be fully over what happened, and that’s straight chilling. I’m sure they recognize how you feel. One point in the future will come a time where both of you are on the same page in the same book. 

 “Weird Dream, Conscious Stream” was chosen because A.) I Hate Sex is stellar and B.) suggests an impossible reality for the narrator where the subject and other coexist.

 “Do You Still Hate Me?” was chosen because of the title. According to Hugh, one of the best songs ever.

 “I’m Here for The Pizzah Partie” was an obvious choice. Very obvious. Glaringly obvious. Fact. It’s fact.

I Hate Sex - Weird Dream, Conscious Stream

Jawbreaker - Do You Still Hate Me?

Two Knights - I’m Here For The Pizzah Partie

Dear Twinkledad,

I’m becoming more aware of my sudden anger and sadness outbursts. but I’m scared to go and get checked out bc I don’t want to be drugged up or I guess Face the music.

Anonymous.

Anonymous,

 Let’s say you do get checked out. If you have a mental health diagnosis, good news! You have a mental “illness”. 

 Downside: you are stuck with this for the rest of your life. 

 Upside: you have all the time in the world to learn how to cope with it. 

 Getting checked out does not mean you’ll be drugged up. If you are of age, that’s entirely in your control. There are routes of dialectical behavior therapy (or just normal therapy) you can take. Nobody’s necessarily pro-medication in all situations. It’s hard not to have some ignorance of mental health problems if you don’t have the problem for sure. Take whatever path you feel best suits your needs. 

 We are not our diagnoses. However, it can be of great help to recognize your shitty behavioral ticks and understand why you have them. The start of your question implies you have been aware of specific behavior for some time now. With that, you have already begun to face the music. If you do decide to get checked out but give it a lot of time, a diagnosis could feel like a no-brainer to you. In fact, it could be a weight lifted.

  Misdiagnosis can happen. Wrong meds, taking the medication, can happen. It’s part of coping, it sucks major ass. Time will come where mental health can feel worse than ever and like it is inescapable. The important thing is keeping your head up. I really hope you find the answers you want and or need.

 I chose “As Cool As An Attempted Suicide”, beyond what the name suggests, for its energy. It’s a fun song for its subject matter. Being sad is not necessarily always bad.

 “Why Am I Not Going Under Water?”/Snowing as a whole was an emotional crutch for me when I went through similar struggles. Galm’s vulnerability made me realize I was not alone, and hopefully it does the same for you too.

Leer - As Cool As An Attempted Suicide

Snowing - Why Am I Not Going Underwater?

Dear Twinkledad,

I've never really been in a real relationship my whole life, haven't even lost my virginity. It bothers me more than it probably should, but I feel almost desperate for a more than just a platonic relationship with someone. Wanna be able to have somebody to kiss/cuddle but seem to screw up every opportunity to have something good with someone.

Anonymous.

  Anonymous,

  A few weeks ago, I matched with someone on Bumble. We had this conversation:

 “Heyy”

 “Sorry, my mom said I can’t talk to girls.”

 “Damn that’s crazy my dad said I can’t talk to boys *frowny face emoji*”

 Then I left her on Read. Point being, everything will be okay.

 Virginity is frustrating, in theory and in practice. It shouldn’t be a crime to not be sexually active or never had a serious relationship. Yes, love is great. However, one thing you’ll most likely learn when you experience love, because you will, is you can live without it. How we’ve constructed what virginity means has set pretty high expectations of what sex is like. In actuality, it’s pretty mediocre. Fun, but as you continue to open the bag of magic sex tricks, you’ll have plenty of mixed experiences. It is not a necessity by any means.

 Love, on the other hand, is uncomfortably tied to our values. For a lot of people, having a family is their primary goal in life. I’ve seen this referred to as “honorable” multiple times as multiple people. What it does, subsequently, is pressure people into viewing sex and love as an accomplishment the same virginity does. Falling in love is an awesome feeling. Falling out of love is a terrible feeling. Experiencing neither does not put such a great weight on your shoulders like love does. To quote Quarterbacks, “love is situational”. You’ll have it. No way in hell you haven’t. The situation has yet to arise.

 Dating apps are not worth it. Love is a feeling, right? There’s no need to force it. If you are relatively new in experience, your perception of love can be greatly skewed. I’m sure, whoever you are, you are in safe hands. You’ll be carried into the world of sex and love naturally, not at your own will, where it’s inevitably messier.

 Once YOU, not anyone else, are satisfied with your romantic life, please send a message back. I wish you the best of luck knowing you have it, and just want you to be happy.

 With a lot of music, worlds tend to be created through the instrumentals and not the lyrics. “Hardly Art” always forces a great sense of introspection and how I handle myself in situations of co dependence whenever it comes on.

 “Try to Sleep”’s vocals, lyrics, and stripped back, lo-fi production echoes loneliness from all fronts.

 Closer - Hardly Art

 Attic Abasement - Try To Sleep

[sorikkung]

I don't mind, I just like talking to you anyways and this is a good excuse 🙃 first things first I'm in my mom's place, so I'm almost 100km away from where I live and I thought would be a good idea to open up Tinder and see if I could match with some interesting people now so basically I have two gossips about my midnight Tinder matches.

First one was with this really sweet guy that lives in my city. He's a hella sportist and even participates on jiu-jitsu championships. You know those quiet math guys that don't usually talk much but they are very talkative when it comes to his interests and this hard shell is only to protect a big warm heart? Is him. And the fact that it only took me a a couple of DAYS to get so close of him bothered and scared me a lot. Right now, we're in a video call and he keeps saying that I'm pretty and that he's falling in love with me and I can see, by the way he looks at me, that it trully might have something going on.

I don't know, I feel a little scared about it, not gonna lie, but I assume I'm intrigued as well as I want to try out and see where it goes but is all so unsure...

This second gossip is about some friends of mine from here. They used to date for a long time, I met them with already two years of relationship on their backs so, this year they would be like, 6 years together. As I said, I was at Tinder and I saw this profile with a picture I've seen before. I went to this friend Insta and the picture was there, same name, age, place, everything was the same. I was gagged but, anyway, brushed it off because it might be a fake profile or maybe they were seeking for someone to spicy up their relationship, I don't know, I was trying to create an excuse for why was him there that wasn't because he was cheating.

Obviously, I swiped right on him because, if he was really cheating, he would know I saw him and I knew what he was doing. But that left me really unsettled, so I went to Insta again. I checked both his and hers profiles and they weren't following each other anymore, all their cute photos with texts celebrating their birthdays were also gone... Was like they were never together. I even checked her TikTok videos and, apparently, she had returned to her parents house after a year living with him.

They had broke up and I heard about it from Tinder 🤡

To add up: he just text me today, while I was in call with this new guy and legit asked about a hook-up. Like a good slut, I said he could pass by with drinks and drugs and we would party and kiss like good friends do 🙃 so I guess this will have more scenes to come. And I hope I can kiss her as a friend too, they're both hot

this is so wild lmFAOooo mainly the second part but damn look at you go??? mfs fallin in love w you n shit??? goals???? i keep telling myself ill never stoop as low as to download tinder bc too many straight people but honestly all the lgbt focused dating apps be kinda dry i might as well 😭😭 doesnt help that i usually leave convos on read bc they bore me easily or just take too much effort... oof. but i digress. why are you so scared of where things are going w your tinder match? lmfao right now as in as you type this?? does he know youre gossiping abt him to a random australian online 😭😭

as for the second part at least theres no cheating, but if you kiss them separately when they seem to have broken up on bad enough terms to wipe it all i feel like thatd cause drama... but if youre not super close w them and just wanna shitstir, im not gonna deter you lmFAOoo live ur hoe life bestie. wish that were me (i say, with like 37 bitches in my dms i ghosted bc i ran out of things to say to them and they didnt interest me enough to ask to meet SDFGSDFKHSDFH)

[iliterallyhatethis]

Do i wish I hadn't yelled? Yeah!

But I never yell and you wouldn't stop egging and mom can say what she wants but when you yelled "you ARE a child" you were saying what you meant.

You're my younger sister. I've done everything first. You think bc you're a little bit stronger physically and bc you're more experienced by way of dating that you're more mature. People have different priorities and personalities and just bc i don't act like what you think a college student acts like doesnt make you better or more mature than me.

Sans things like kissing, or dating, I HAVE done everything first. Everything you've made a big deal about doing on your own? I also did. I just am not a person who makes a big deal about those things. It's fine that you do! We should celebrate when you do things! but I don't. And regardless you've all always shut me down besides mom if I do anyway so anything I WANT to make a big deal of I've learned not to with yall and just to do that with my friends.

You underestimate everything I've ever done. You underestimate me in every single situation.

Just because you haven't seen it doesnt mean I've done nothing. I just wish I had your respect. But clearly I don't.

I know it's like. This combination of my personality and me being queer and being mentally ill and having ALWAYS been mentally ill and liking stuff you think is childish and honestly probably a little bit about you being prettier and needing to be better at everything bc you think everything is about you bc you feel like everyone always gave you worse shit and it can't be because of you (Which hey! It wasn't! We have shit dad figures who don't really deserve to be in our lives most of the time! They treated us all bad in different ways and they both projected on you and genuinely that's awful. And not in any way you're fault) but NOW. When it's not a case of abusive parenting it's a case of normal life interaction? Sometimes things are your fault.

Anyway.

None of that is an excuse. It's just like. All that Ive done. College apps. All of school. Literally any and every college achievement. Scholarships. The job I just got. My review. Going to therapy and finding a therapist. Making appointments. Calling people. Calling people FOR you. Activating new debit cards. Any amount of sewing you need help with. Getting a credit card. Making a website, working on my business cards, general fucking business stuff you don't know that I have to do. Tabling. Selling things. Art shows. Driving long distances.

I got confirmed so that you didn't have to. I had HOW many screaming matches with Robert. I had that conversation with dad and the subsequent betrayal and you STILL don't know about that because you don't listen and I've stopped trying to tell you.

You got to have a slightly mended relationship with Robert. You got to have almost a completely mended relationship with dad. You get all this help from mom that I never got bc I didn't need it. It's okay that you do that's what she's here for but I wish you would just ACKNOWLEDGE that I'm doing GOOD. That I'm doing fine. That I've done a lot. That you aren't better than me.

You're the only one who thinks you're more mature than me.

Not to be an ass but you're so much like dad and also I go to therapy and doing that while NOT being like him gives me a leg up.

You're only 19 and I'm only 20 almost 21 but I just. Get so angry and frustrated. Please just be nice to me. Please just be nice to me. I do so much and I do so much for YOU just even day to day I wish it wasn't only things you think lowly of.

Anyway I'm probably gonna take a shower and have dessert and properly journal so I'm not so upset but I'll cry more too. I just care abt my sisters so much and I wish they respected me. Sarah does but.

Anyway.