#trying to snap out of depression with jaiden i love her

[cyani07]

i liked jaiden's miku hair

[bebepac]

Falling Apart

This is chapter 5 of The Life of Riley.  If you need to catch up , please click

HERE

All characters in this chapter are my own characters.  

I also used @god-save-the-keen​ prompt list: Joey Tribbiani  # 50 “I am pretty wisdomous” will appear in bold

Word count: 1793

Summary:  Jason and Ren find out heart wrenching news that they have lost their son in utero.

Warnings: Miscarriage, pregnancy loss due to fall sadness , depression, angst, light profanity. 

Always forgive any typos.

If you enjoy my storytelling please feel free to like and reblog :) and if you would like to be on or off my tag list holla :) 

@dcbbw​​ @janezillow​​ @kacie-0156​​ @queenjilian​​ @kingliam2019​​ @glaimtruelovealways​​ @annekebbphotography​​ @lodberg​​ @kimmiedoo5​​ @hopefulmoonobject​​ @queencordonia​​ @bbrandy2002​​ @texaskitten30​​ @kaitycole​​ @custaroonie​​ @camersworld​​ @my0123456789universe​​ @the-soot-sprite​ 

Jason’s boss drove him to Ren’s hospital as fast as he could with the weather.  

“Rain is  just melted snow and people are losing their minds, Lawson, I mean what the hell!!!”

“You said it brother.”  

Please let them be okay Jason thought in his head the whole way over to the hospital.

He walked into the room finding Ren sitting there in the bed in tears.

“Ren what happened?”

“I got nauseated and dizzy and fell down the stairs.  I should have just waited for the elevator, and I didn’t.”  

Jason pulled Ren to him hugging her.  “And i haven’t felt the baby kick since I fell, and i’m so scared.”  

“Hey we’re fighters so is our baby. We’re gonna all be just fine,” he said confidently.  He prayed for his sake he was right.  

“Dr. Abernathy is on her way right now, I’m her tech Julie.  She wanted to see if I could get some images of the baby in the meantime. Does that sound ok?”

Lauren and Jason nodded.  Ren lifted her scrub top to reveal her stomach.

“Those weren’t the ones you left the house in.”

“Ugh don’t even ask. A kid puked on me, I almost puked on the kid, it was an ordeal.”

The tech turned on the machine, she looked at the monitor. They all did with bated breath.

“Is he ok?”  Jason asked.

She moved the wand around.  

“There he is!” the tech said proudly.  Typing a few things on the screen.  But what happened next  wasn’t what they expected.  

They expected the whooshing sound of the baby’s heartbeat that always filled the room.   There was nothing but silence.  

“Is it on?” Jason was starting to get worried.  He looked at Ren.  Her eyes were tightly clenched shut.

The tech turned off the monitor,  “Maybe it’s best we just wait for Dr. Abernathy to get here.”

She touched Ren’s hand, “She’ll be here shortly.”

When she closed the door behind her, Ren finally let out the sob she was holding in.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s going to be ok.  She was just a tech.  She had no clue what she was doing.  Dr. Abernathy will be here soon, and everything will be ok.”  

She never wished so hard that she could believe something Jason said as much as she could at this   moment.  But the truth was… it wasn’t ok.

Dr. Abernathy came in a few minutes later with Ren’s chart and a somber look on her face.

“Ren?”

She opened her eyes to look at Dr. Abernathy.

You understand what’s going on?”

Tears welled in her eyes as she nodded. “Yes I understand.”  

“I need to check you to confirm.”

“What’s happening?”  Jason whispered.  Deep down he knew, but he didn’t want to admit.  Admitting his worst fear in this situation would be making it real.  

Dr. Abernathy turned on the ultrasound machine.  She grabbed Jason’s hand.  

She gently placed the wand on her stomach and began to move it around.  Immediately she had an image of the baby.

Jason gave her hand a soft squeeze back in reassurance.  There’s our baby boy.  Jason thought.  It still wasn’t right.  The look that passed between Dr. Abernathy and Ren.

She turned off the ultrasound machine. Ren’s grip on Jason’s hand turned painfully tight.

“Jason, Ren, my tech was able to get an image of the baby, as have I, but i’m sorry to tell you this, neither of us can detect a fetal heartbeat.  The baby did not survive the fall.  I’m so sorry.”

Lauren let out a wailing scream, that the only thing Jason knew to do was to hold Lauren  while she sobbed hysterically in his arms.  Tears pooled in his eyes.  He had to be the strong one for her, though he felt like his heart had been broken in two.  He flinched every time Lauren screamed. He closed his eyes, and kept whispering to her.  “I’m here. We’ll be ok Lauren, I promise.  We’ll get through this.”  

A nurse came in with a syringe.  Lauren saw her coming and  knew sweet relief was coming from this nightmare for a few hours.  It was almost immediately after the injection Lauren fell into a calming sleep.  Her facial expressions that had been so tense the past few hours had finally relaxed.  

Jason exhaled a shaky breath.  

“Is there anything you need?” Dr. Abernathy asked him.

“I need…….. I need a minute to process what just happened….  How long will she sleep?”

“A few hours.”

He walked down the hallways feeling numb.  One minute they were celebrating, the next minute they had lost their son.  They were just too happy.  For people like Jason and Ren,  being too happy in life always seemed like it invited disaster.  

As he walked by the waiting room he noticed officers from his precinct.  He wondered what had happened.  Lawson, who had driven him to the hospital so many hours earlier, stood up.

“Seeing Jason’s confusion, he said, “We’re here for you brother.”  

The others stood as well.  

“How’s Ren?”  

“She’s sedated.”

“How’s your son……?”

“He didn’t…….he…. He…. “ Jason finally began to cry.  Lawson hugged him.

“I’m so very sorry.”

Looking around the room at all the officers that had come and gathered in solidarity for the two of them was the most somber, yet supportive thing Jason had experienced in his life.

“Thank you for supporting us.  I know Ren would appreciate it.”  

Jason was at Ren’s side when she finally woke up.  

His eyes were red, and slowly she remembered the events of the past few hours.  Lauren’s eyes teared up again.  “I’m right here,"  Jason’s voice was strong and secure, soothing Ren.

“I want to name him,” she whispered. “ I want to name him so he knows, he had a family here who loved him even though……….  he never got the chance to meet us.”

Over the next few minutes they decided on the name Jaiden Anthony Brooks.  

Dr. Abernathy came back into the room a little bit later and explained the next procedure that would take place, to end the pregnancy.  

“Is there anything else you need before we discharge you for the night?”

“Can we get a last picture of him…. Of Jaiden before tomorrow’s procedure, before he’s truly gone?”

“Of course,” Dr. Abernathy obliged turning on the ultrasound machine again.  Finally Jason broke down in front of Ren.  She had never heard him cry before. 

“Why did this have to happen to us, Dr. Abernathy?  We’re good people. We work hard.  We wanted this, we wanted Jaiden so  much.  We tried two years for him.  Just to lose him.  It’s not fair.  And the people who are terrible parents keep having truckloads of kids, and the people who would do right by their child… “

Ren hugged her husband as they cried for the loss of their son together.  

“Sometimes, some things are not for us on this side to understand,”  Dr. Abernathy said softly.  

“I’ll go get your car.  Do you remember where you parked?”

“The staff parking lot Jason.”  Lauren snapped at him.  

“I’ll find it.”

“I’ll show you where the staff parking lot is,” and besides I'll show you the shortcut, that only staff members can use.”

“Thanks Dr. Abernathy.”

“Don’t take her snapping at you to heart.  She doesn’t mean it.”  

“I know.”

“Well the good news is we’re here… I just don’t know what level she parked on.”

“No it’s good, I see her.  This one’s her’s, she’s just gonna lose her shit, that i have to adjust everything to drive it, which is why we don’t drive each other’s cars.”

“You sound exactly like my husband. he  knows.”  Dr. Abernathy chuckled.

“Thank you for being there for us today.”  

“You’re very welcome, and I’m so sorry this time didn’t work out for you two. Don’t give up okay?   You two would make very loving parents someday.”

“Thank you.”

He pulled out front waiting for Lauren.

“Are you hungry?  I could stop for takeout.  It’s too late to try to get dinner started.”

Silence from Ren.

“Maybe Chinese?  You think from the place you like?”

Ren still said nothing.  Staring blankly ahead at the road.  

“Ren did you hear me?”

“I heard you. Whatever. Get it, don’t get it I don’t care.”  She snapped at him.

“You need to eat Ren.  You have to be hungry by now.”

“Why does it matter so much?  It’s only me now.”  

“Because you matter to me.  I love and care about you, and because I can’t lose you too Ren.”

She whispered something.. That he couldn’t hear.

“What?”  

“You blame me.”

“WHAT?!?!?!?  REN?!!?!?! GOD!!! NOOOO!!!!”   Jason jerked the wheel slamming on the breaks pulling Ren’s small SUV over in the highway median.

  “This was an accident Ren.  A horrible terrible accident that I don't blame you for.”

“You have to blame me.”

“Why are you so sure of this?”

“I BLAME ME!!!  THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!!!  I KILLED OUR BABY.  I SHOULD HAVE JUST WAITED FOR THE ELEVATOR.”

He wasn’t getting through to her, at all.  If he said what he was thinking, it could blow up in his face, but he was out of options. So he decided to do it.

“You know what, you’re right Ren.”

“What?”  he could hear the confusion in her voice.

“Yeah, you go up and down stairs at our house every day, multiple times of the day, and i let you think that was okay.  I should have been carrying you up and down those stairs every time, to protect our baby.”

“But how would you know, something like that would happen?”

BINGO…

“That’s right Ren, how would you know something like that would happen?”

Ren was stunned into silence.

“I don’t want to hear you ever say that again Lauren, I mean it.  Any of that. This was not your fault. It was a horrible horrible accident Okay?”

Ren nodded.  “Decent use of reverse psychology by the way.”

Jason looked at her smiling, and she knew right in that second why she had fallen in love with him.  He was trying so hard to hold up a brave front for her, even though she could still see the sadness in his eyes too.

" I am pretty wisdomous.”

A small smile emerged on Ren’s lips.  Albeit small, but visible. Jason saw it as a tiny victory considering the day from hell they had. And tomorrow would be just as bad he was sure.

“Can we go get food now?

If he wanted food that’s what she was going to do.  He always fought for her, ever since the moment they met.

“Yes let’s grab some Chinese on the way home.”

[captain-of-the-roses]

Stupid Things my family has said

Part III

"I can taste colors." ".......excuse me??"

"Mom! Mom the cart!" "It'll be fine!"

"Do we have enough syrup?" ".........NOPE."

"The cart-Mom!"

"We should get yogurt." "Ew." "For Jaiden." "Still ew."

"Last chance to trade." Whispering: "Last chance to negotiate. Send in your seconds see if they can set the record straight."

"I'm a girl in a word where my only job is to marry rich- Paddidle- my father has no sons so-"

*picks up egg carten* "Ooh, look at that one." "Oof." *picks up another carten* "These are nice." "Perfect."

*insert entire conversation about boys being dumb*

"What's wrong with me tonight?" "Do you want me to answer that?" "Sure. Why not." "Everything."

"The Boston Tea Party~ Fuck ya, bitches!"

"BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRNNNNNN~" "This is why we dont take you anywhere."

*picks up tomato* "You are ugly." "Did you just pick up that tomato and say you are ugly?" "I say that every time I look in a mirror."

Me: "So, when we went to Applebees-"

Sister:"We went to Applebees?"

Me: "I did. Anyways there was a baguette-"

Sister: "Lafayette baguette."

Dad: "A bag-et"

Me: "its bu-get not bag-et."

Dad: "In American its bag-et."

Me: "First of all, American isn't a language-"

Dad: "Depends on where you are."

Me: "Second of all, its bu-get"

"I'm not a fan of scary games." "You fight zombies." "Ya, but then I have a gun."

"Aaron Burr tried to start an empire out of Texas." "Not surprised, he was kinda an asshole."

"What-no, I have headphones in-" "Hearing aids~"

*tries to explain plan* *gets interrupted* *tries to explain once again* *everyone starts laughing* "I really do love you guys..."

While eating ice cream "I forgot how to eat ice cream."

In total seriousness. "I swear, if you get cake in the hair-"

"Honestly, I'm surprised whenever she talks this late." "Because you didnt expect her to be up?" "No, it just surprises me she talks after 8." "At this point in pretty much Nocturnal."

"Maybe that's what we'll do." "Eat Kylynn?!?!?"

"-he spent $40 dollars on a coconut!" "I mean, they were probably pretty rare-" "A. COCONUT!"

"Leonardo DiCaprio, I think." "Oh ya, meme guy."

"I ran super fast into the stairs and stubbed my toe."

"I heard breathing." "We own a dog???"

Finger guns "I'll ignore her."

"Did you just say snap, crackle, pop?" "Ya, I'm walking up the stairs and things are cracking. I'm like a bowl of fucking rice crispies over here."

"She isn't the brightest..."

"Google wished me a happy birthday." "More proof it has no sense of privacy."

"Do you ever get scared of the window cause you think a sniper os out there, waiting." "No, I pray."

"If you like soggy bacon why not just go out to a farm and take a bite of a pig."

"The world needs more assassins."

Eating the ice cream off the lid. "Depressed~"

"Ok, stop." "I'm just coughing."

"I'm going to the bathroom, don't kill each other."

"Dad left!"

"I heard loud noises and a car just pulled up out front."

"She just froze?"

"I want the cake on a metal plate without the frosting." "Does the metal plate make the cake taste different?"

"Crispy bacon is best bacon. That is a fact." "That's an opinion." "Its a fact amd any one who says otherwise is wrong."

"Ssssaaaaammmmee...."

"Ok, someone take the cheese away from her."

"Put the cheese in your coffee." "How dare you try to disrespect the drink of the gods!"

"Pennsyvania, but its spelt Penfylvania." "Penfylvania?" "Penfylvania." "Penfylvania." "Penfylvania." "Penfylvania." "Penfylvania."

"What do you think?" *licks face* "Same."

"Do you need anything?" "Drugs." "Kids don't do drugs." "And if you do, come to me." "John!"

*sneezes* "Bless you." "Bless you." "..........Bless you." "That was delayed."

"Can you imagine having 4 other siblings? ....wait-"

*super high-pitched sneeze* "Did you sneeze or drop something?"