#trying to get myself to relax as I worship the object of my fear

[glamourous-world]

Having christian based religious trauma while actively trying to worship its deity goes crazy sometimes /neg

[kpopsenarios]

Devoted. Part 3

Hi everyone, this is the next instalment in the devoted series.  We decided to give Taeyong’s wife a name to make it easier to write about. We hope you enjoy this.

Summary: Your life was turned upside down when you found out you had to marry someone you barely know but slowly you realised married wasn’t as bad as you had expected.

Warning: Language, Sex, Violent them

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

The next time you opened your eyes you were in a basement. Your hands were tied tightly behind your back and your feet were tied together. You looked around and could see blood splattered all over the floor. You looked at your surroundings and saw a range of knives and other instruments that could be used to inflict harm. Then you heard footsteps coming closer towards you. You closed your eyes again as you didn’t want your captors to know you had woken up.

You heard the door open and the footsteps of two men entered the room you were in. You could hear a man say “did you use too much chloroform? She better not be dead.” The other man replied saying “NCT bitches don’t die that easily.” You knew this voice from before. It was the man who talked to Taeyong on the phone. His name was BamBam you believed. You then heard him say “don’t worry boss if she doesn’t wake up soon I’ll wake her up myself.” Then you heard the footsteps get softer as they left the room. The chloroform was still in your system and once again you found yourself falling asleep and losing your grasp on reality.

—————

The next time you woke up there was a girl sitting on the chair next to you. She wasn’t tied up like you instead she was on her phone. She saw your eyes open and smiled saying “I’m Nayeon. I hear your name is Y/N.” You were surprised at the way she was being so friendly. You didn’t say anything and she continued to say “you must be surprised you’re here. You weren’t the original target. It was Seoyeon. But it’s hard to infiltrate Taeyong’s house so you’re the next best thing.”

You could barely speak as you were out of energy. She could see your dry lips and she stood up to bring you a glass of water. She gently helped you drink the water. She was nice or was she just acting. Once you had drank the water you looked at her and said “why?” She smiled and said “well for the drugs.” You knew who they were now. They were Got7. NCT’s biggest enemy.

She then said “I’m the leader Jinyoung's first wife. I was very much looking forward to meeting Seoyeon. I’ve heard so much about how elegant and beautiful she was. I’d love to wreck that face of hers.” Fear was now visible in your eyes. She saw this and replied “don’t worry. I have no problems with you. You’re actually cute. I see why you married Jung Jaehyun.” This girl seemed to know all about your life but that didn’t come as a surprise to you.

“So Y/N. Do you think your husband is going to come save you?” You looked at her and said “who knows?” She looked surprised and said “trouble in paradise I see. Well you can’t have a good marriage in the mafia. Just look me I’m one of his three wives. I’m the first so I get all the prestige and respect but in return I need to spend my days with those other wives too.” You had a look of concern and you replied “are you happy?” She looked at you and said “as happy as I can be I guess. You actually seem like a decent person. I hope for our sake Taeyong agrees to give up the drugs. Maybe I’ll see you around.” Then Nayeon left.

For a moment while you spoke with her things weren’t so bad. It was pleasant. But the reality was you were in a cold basement surrounded by blood and weapons that would be used on you at any moment now.

———————

Your next visitor wasn’t a very pleasant one. It was Park Jinyoung. The man who was in charge of Got7. You had heard rumours about his affairs and wives. He was known to be a cruel man who would do anything to get what he wanted. He looked at your face and raised his hand to your chin saying “so pretty.” You felt disgusting under his touch and wanted to puke. You had heard what kind of man he was. His most successful business was prostitution. He was a man that treated women like a slave who should worship him. He was the type of man you hated the most.

He pulled away from you and said “I thought Taeyong would have agreed to giving me all the drugs in exchange for you but I guess you’re not that dear to him.” Your heart broke and tears started to fall out of your eyes. You thought Jaehyun would have done something. You had hope that they would come and save you but your hope was fading after hearing his words. He noticed your tears and said “don’t cry baby. Girls aren’t as pretty when they cry.” You felt sick hearing his words. He placed a finger on your forehead and lightly moved it down your body trailing over your nose, lips, neck and stopped just before your boobs.

He looked down at you smiling and said “I guess I’ll just need to show Taeyong a little video of you to change his mind. I’m sure your husband will try hard to convince his boss after that.” You didn’t know what he meant but you knew this wasn’t a man who you could ask questions. You watched him walk away from you before closing the door shut.

———————

Once again you were left alone with your thoughts. No one was there to comfort you or assure you that you would be okay. You had lost hope in your husband. Everything just kept replaying in your head. The way he confessed that maybe someone like him could love. Or the fact Seoyeon told you that he had chosen to marry you.

You didn’t know what to believe anymore. You knew you were just an object to him. You didn’t mean anything. You knew you could have been replaced with another girl. Your heart broke the more you thought about it. You lost faith in everyone. You were now consumed by your own pain. This was the first time you felt a different kind of loneliness. You knew that you would be dying soon. Maybe the knowing that your life would end soon made it worse for you.

You looked at the ground as your tears fell on your thighs. The door opened again and in walked a man you didn’t recognise. There was something warm about him but all he did was take a cloth covered in chloroform and apply it to your mouth. Once again you lost your grip on reality.

———————

The next time you woke up you were violently shaken. There was a video camera in front of you and Jinyoung standing next to you wearing a suit. You felt sick in your stomach thinking of how disgusting this was. He smiled at you and said “I hope you’re ready to send a video to your husband.” Then the man behind the camera said “ready.”

Jinyoung smiled and said “I thought you valued her life more Taeyong. She is your right hand mans wife.” Then there was silence. He went and picked up a knife and placed it against your throat. You could feel your throat closing up as the cold metal touched your skin. He saw you tense up and whispered in your ear saying “relax baby. I won’t hurt you. Yet.” The next you felt was something wet against your cheek. Jinyoung has stuck out his tongue and licked against your cheek. You felt disgusting. You felt like an object. You wish you could have just died there and then. He then pulled away saying “so sweet.” His words made you feel more sick. Then the man shut off the camera and congratulated his boss on the show he just did.

The two men walked away once again leaving you alone to feel disgusting in the basement. You looked down and wondered ‘will my blood be splattered across the floor like this too?’ You hadn’t eaten or drank anything so your body felt weak and gave up on you. Once again your eyelids felt heavy and you fell asleep.

———————

The next time you woke up was the sound of gunshots. You couldn’t understand what was happening. You saw the door slam open and Nayeon ran inside. She pulled a knife from the rack. You thought she was going to kill you. But to your surprise she cut you loose saying “NCT is here. This is your chance. Leave Y/N.” Before you could even thank her she was gone. She had run out the way she came and vanished. You stood up slowly but felt weak.

You crawled over to the wall and stood up to brace yourself as you walked towards the door. You opened the door a little and peaked out. You couldn’t seen anyone yet so you felt safe. You walked out and decided to go right. You walked slowly and tried your best to stay standing. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep this going. You felt so weak. You felt like you were going to pass out. You felt like you were going to die.

You heard footsteps coming closer to you. You didn’t know who it was but you expected the worst. You gave up. You let your knees give in and fell to the ground. As the man got closer he spoke saying “Y/N?” His voice was familiar but you couldn’t place whose voice it was. Then you saw a tall figure standing in front of you. It was Johnny. You had never felt so happy to this man before in your life. He smiled at you a warm smile. He bent down and said “you’re safe now. I got you.” His words reassured you. He asked “can you stand up?” You tried but you couldn’t. He picked you up in his arms and said “I’ve got her but I need backup.” You heard Mark and Yuta reply and within seconds they were by you. The last thing you remembered was Johnny saying “keep your eyes open.” But you couldn’t. The world around you was getting dark and you let your eyes close.

———————

You woke up again and this time you were in a van. You were still in Johnny’s arms but now you were wearing a jacket. He smiled seeing your eyes open and helped you drink water. After drinking you sighed and said “thank you.” He laughed and said “I’m just doing my job you don’t need to thank me. I’m just happy you're safe. I don’t know what the boss would have done to us if you weren’t.” You wanted to ask where Jaehyun was but the words wouldn’t come out of your mouth. But it seemed like he had caught on what you wanted to say and said to you “he’s at the boss’ house. He was too much of a mess to come along.” You didn’t know what he meant by that but we’re still took weak to ask questions.

The van stopped and the door opened. The light burnt your eyes and Johnny helped you walk out of the van. Your whole body weight was on him now. You felt arms wrap around you and it was Seoyeon. She hugged you tightly and helped you came inside. The moment you stepped through the doors you passed out again.

——-—————

The next time you woke up you were in a bedroom. It wasn’t your bedroom. There were needles in your arms and you sat up. You saw Seoyeon with her head down on the bed you were in. You moved a little too much and she woke up. You couldn’t believe that she looked so good even after sleeping with her head down. She was really something.

She smiled at you and said “how are you feeling?” You weakly replied “better and safe.” She smiled and said “let me get Jaehyun. He was here before. He stayed through the whole night with you waiting. Something must have come up for him to go.”

You watched as she left the room. You lay back down and relaxed into the bed. The next person to walk in was Ara. She brought a tray of food in. Then in walked your husband. He dismissed Ara and sat on the chair next to you. You looked at his face and he looked pale. His eyes were dark and the bags were big.

He looked at you and smiled weakly saying “let me feed you.” He then helped you sit up and slowly began to feed you the food. He didn’t speak much and neither did you. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what to do. Once you had finished eating he finally said “I’m sorry it took so long to rescue you. We tried our best to find you quickly.” You replied softly saying “it’s okay.” Then you looked at him and he had tears rolling down his face. You never thought your husband was the type of man to cry. Especially in front of you. You reached out and held his hand to which he bought to his lips and kissed.

He took a deep breath and said “this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have taken you home. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I should have stayed with you when you asked me.” “No don’t you dare blame yourself. You didn’t know this would happen. You thought I’d be safe there. You can’t blame yourself. I’m sure you’re one of the reasons why I was saved. Please don’t blame yourself.” He stood up from the chair and lay down on the bed next to you saying “I’m sorry for leaving you alone.” “It’s okay. I’m just happy you’re here now.” He wrapped his arms around you and you found yourself slowly falling asleep on his chest listening to his heartbeat.

————————

You woke up in the morning when you heard the birds chirping. Your eyes fluttered open and you realised that everything that happened wasn’t just a bad dream. It was something that happened. You looked to the side and saw your husband peacefully sleeping next to you. You felt safe knowing that he was there to protect you now. You looked at him a bit longer. Until he finally spoke saying “are you still looking or can I open my eyes now?” You blushed heavily and looked away. You tried to move away from him but his grip was tight.

The door then swung open and in walked Seoyeon and Taeyong. She quickly apologised saying “oh my. We are so sorry. We just wanted to check up on you and bring you a change of clothes. I thought I’d help you get changed but I see Jaehyun can help you. We’ll see you both a breakfast soon.” Then they both left as quickly as they arrived. You couldn’t be more embarrassed.

Jaehyun smiled and said “well you heard the boss. Let’s get you changed for breakfast.” He stood up and helped you to the bathroom while you washed up. He then helped you take off the clothes you had been wearing and put on the dress Seoyeon had bought for you. It was a white dress that had lace. You looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled seeing how nice you looked. Jaehyun then went to get changed himself. You sat on the bed and put on a little makeup.

When you finished with your makeup he was already dressed in a new suit. He put his hands on your shoulders and said “you look beautiful. Let’s go.” He wrapped one hand around your waist to support you as you walked. You both arrived at the dining room to see the table filled with food and the men who had rescued you. You tried to bow at them but they quickly said “no don’t do that.” You smiled and sat down. Johnny smiled at you and said “I’m glad to see you’re looking better.” “Thank you so much for everything.” He smiled at you to which Yuta interrupted “I helped too.” You laughed and said “yes thank you as well.” The next comment surprised you. It was Taeyong saying “if you’re thanking people I should be first. I did order them to save or come back dead.” You saw Seoyeon roll her eyes and say “and who was the person that told you save her or they’d kill you.” He was suddenly quiet and you couldn’t help but laugh.

Seoyeon looked at you and said “we’re all really glad you’re safe and you don’t need to thank us because we all know how thankful you really are Y/N. Now let’s eat.” You began to eat. The breakfast was nice and your husband was being all sweet getting the food for you and feeding you as well any chance he got.

Then the door swung open and you saw Jaemin walk in. He ran to you and hugged you saying “I was so worried. My brother was so depressed. I’m so happy you’re safe.” You were taken back by your brother in laws tight hug but you still hugged him back and patted his back trying to assure him. He pulled away and said “when we’re alone I’ll tell you what he did.” He had a mischievous look on his face and Jaehyun looked like he was ready to hit him.

You watched at Jaemin walked over to his most favourite person and hugged Seoyeon. It was a bit longer than it should have been as you saw Taeyong pulling her from him. He smiled at her and said “even though I didn’t hug you first today you’re still my number one.” You watched as all the other boys rolled their eyes at his cheesy comment and Taeyong said “you must hate being alive.” The room was then filled with laughter.

In that moment you felt at peace. You felt safe and you happy. Everything was perfect. It was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

Admin Sunshine. 

[tipsycad147]

Atargatis

Atargatis is a Syrian Goddess of the moon and of the waters.1 She is also known by the names Derceto and Dea Syriae. She was born in the Euphrates, "...like Aphrodite from the foam of the sea."2 Local coins confirm that Atargatis was worshipped at Hierapolis, where she had her own shrine and rites.3

According to legend, Atargatis was the mother of the great Assyrian queen, Semiramis.4 Her mythical story tells us that, after causing the death of her mortal lover and Semiramis' father, Hadad, she jumped into a lake and assumed the form of a fish.5 The water, however, could not hide her divine nature, causing her to take the form of a woman above the waist and a fish below.6 For this reason, she has come to be known as the mermaid goddess.

In his work, De Dea Syria, Lucian of Samosata describes his visit to Atargatis' temple:

"There is too a lake in the same place, not far from the temple in which many sacred fishes of different kinds are reared. Some of these grow to a great size; they are called by names, and approach when called. I saw one of these ornamented with gold, and on its back fin a gold design was dedicated to the temple. I have often seen this fish, and he certainly carried this design. The depth of the lake is immense. I never tested it myself, but they say that it is in depth more than 200 fathoms. In the midst of this lake stands an altar of stone. You would think at first sight that it was floating and moving in the water, and many deem that it is so. The truth seems to me that it is supported by a column of great size, based on the bottom of the lake. It is always decked with ribbons, and spices are therein, and many every day swim in the lake with crowns on their heads performing their acts of adoration." (pp. 45-46)

In her day, worshippers would immerse themselves in her sacred waters to offer praise. They would keep and adorn living fish in her honour. Atargatis was an aspect of the Universal Mother and her life-giving waters.

One way modern worshippers choose to honour and connect with Atargatis is to call out to her directly. Try sitting by a body of water and opening up to receive any messages that come through. You can hold a specific question in mind, or let the goddess' wisdom flow into the quiet. Afterwards, write or draw what you experienced. Don't forget to leave a gift in her honour; consider leaving a treat for her sacred fish to enjoy.

Atargatis by Annie Stegg http://pinkparasol.deviantart.com/

I sat by flowing water one beautiful evening and asked Atargatis to tell me who she was...

I am...water I am flow I am you letting go

Roll with the waves Follow the current

I am always guiding you Moving you, gently leading you

To... where you need to be who you need to be with and what you need to do

...for your Spirit to grow.

If you listen closely, you will hear the sound of the waters rush by your ear as I advise you:

"Smile at that person..." "Go to that gathering..." "Act on that thought you just had!"

If you let me, I will guide you toward that which you already possess: a life filled with beauty, meaning, and love. If you let me, I will wash away all that you do not need: fear, worry, anxiety, hurt, shame, and the like. Give it all to me. I will wash it away. If it comes back, I will wash it away again. We will do this work together. Together, we will uncover the real you. Radiant and joyful, loving and free.

I will teach you to follow your intuition, the goddess-within. I will teach you to free yourself to go as you are guided.

To flow.

Sometimes the waters are still Then it is good to be calm. Sometimes the waters rush over rocks Then it is good to be flexible. Sometimes you get stuck on the shore Then it is good to be patient. Sometimes the waters overflow Then it is good to take the space that you need. Sometimes the rains come And it is time to be washed clean so you can begin again.

I have much to teach if you will but listen. Come to find me. Seek me at the water's edge. Dance as the rain pours down. Seek me in lakes and streams, Oceans and Rivers. Then, we can begin.

~Received by Riversong on June 17, 2014

Atargatis Chant Beads Chant beads are one way to readily connect with the energy of the Goddess. As you continue to use the beads, the chants become second nature, and the mind becomes free to journey into Wholeness.

Using a physical object, such as a string of beads, is also helpful for sensory recall. If you are able to consistently use the beads to achieve a certain feeling or mind-state (peaceful, open, focused, etc.), then before long simply handling the beads will easily bring about that sacred state of being. You will be able to go deeper, quicker.

To make your own Atargatis chant beads, you will need:

45 small shell beads 4 large shell beads One pendant to represent the Goddess (I used a mesmerising ammonite spiral) Beading wire

String your beads in 3 groups of 13, with 3 extra small beads on either side of your pendant.

Atargatis Chant Beads created and photographed by Riversong

For this sacred prayer time, I really wanted to focus on the life-giving power of water, its divine flow in our lives, and our connection with the watery realm of emotion. I wrote a chant to call in Atargatis' energy, and used pieces from other chants I learned from the Reclaiming community. http://www.reclaimingquarterly.org/web/chants04/chants04.txt

On the Goddess Pendant: Connect with the Divine in the form of the goddess, Atargatis.

On each of the next three beads, chant:

Atargatis, Mermaid Goddess, Mother of the Sea. Your waters flow through my veins, Your love surrounds me. On the first large bead, get in touch with the Spark of Divinity which resides within you. It is beautiful and radiant, just as you are beautiful and radiant. This radiance is our gift from the Goddess. The journey to self-realisation is really a process whereby we work to uncover our true divine nature, our goddess-ness. We are all on our way back to Her. Chant on each of the 13 smaller beads:

We all come from the Goddess and to Her we shall return like a drop of rain flowing to the Ocean

~Z. Budapest

On the second large bead, meditate on being Part of the Flow. Life on Earth originated in the Waters. That means that, in truth, every being is our brother and our sister. We could even say that every living being is a reflection of, or a part of, ourselves. Relax and begin to awaken feelings of compassion for yourself and others. Feel the connection. We are all in this together.

Chant on each of the 13 smaller beads:

The river is flowing Flowing and growing The river is flowing Down to the sea

~from the Reclaiming chant book

On the third large bead, focus on your Desires and Emotions. Our thoughts not only affect our experiences, but they even create them. Spend some time visualising what you truly desire - for yourself, for others, and for the world. If there is anything that is troubling or "blocking" you, give it away to the Ocean Mother, who transforms pain into growth, and makes muddy waters clear again.

Chant on each of the 13 smaller beads:

Born of Water Cleansing, Powerful, Healing, Changing, We are!

~Women's Workshop

On the fourth large bead, again call to mind Atargatis. Thank Her for her presence and any insight/comfort/support/inspiration she may have provided you in this prayer time.

On each of the three final beads, chant:

Atargatis, Mermaid Goddess, Mother of the Sea. Your waters flow through my veins Your love surrounds me.

Riversong's Mermaid Runes and Affirmations

Divination can be a powerful form of prayer. I and many others use it daily as a way to "check in" with the Higher Self or Guiding Goddess. I was inspired to make these runes with my daughter one afternoon. We each made a set with glass beads and a paint pen. Later, I asked Atargatis for a message from each form, and this is what came through. I have placed them on my altar in a glass bowl, and enjoy choosing an affirmation each day!

Atargatis Runes created and photographed by Riversong

Spiral: Look within. It is a good time to do some quiet meditation.

I go within to bring forth wisdom. I go within to find my truth.

Comb: Nurture yourself. Take care of your body by giving it enough water, healthy foods, exercise and rest.

I take the time to listen to my body and to give it what it needs.

Star: Make a wish. Voicing your wish is the first step toward manifestation.

My thoughts are powerful. My thoughts create my experience.

Calm Waters: Flow. You can be sure that you are safe and supported by the Universe.

I relax and trust that all things are working together for the highest and best outcome for all.

Fish: Friends. Now is the time to seek out the company and/or help of others.

I am surrounded by loving, kind, and supportive friends.

Moon: Cycles. Pay attention to the cycles of the moon and how they affect your body and/or emotions.

I release the old and welcome the new. The cycle continues and I begin again.

Shell: Home matters. Arrange a space in your home that nourishes your spirit. Refresh and regroup with family.

My home is a warm and loving space. It gives me comfort.

Trident: Protection. Stand up for what and in whom you believe.

I am the guardian of that which I hold dear.

Harp: Music. Sing, chant, drum, or dance your feelings.

I express myself through sacred song.

Heart: Love matters. You may be experiencing a new or renewed love. Passion and compassion are equally important.

My heart is open. I am ready to give and receive love.

Sun: Enlightenment. You have the ability to see things clearly now.

Everywhere I look, there is beauty.

Rapids: Rough going. Remember that all challenges hold within them the possibility for growth.

When the waters get rough, I will enjoy the ride.

Goddess: Atargatis. Call upon the goddess to bless and empower your intention. Atargatis, Ataratheh. Derketo, Dea Syriae. Great Goddess of the Sea, may your power flow through me like water. Bless my work. So mote it be.

Matthews, John and Caitlin, The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures, Harper Collins Publishers, Hammersmith, London, 2005, p.43

Lucian, The Syrian Goddess, tr.by Herbert A. Strong and John Garstang, 1913, at http://sacred-texts.com , http://sacred-texts.com/cla/luc/tsg/tsg07.htm . Note on 52:25

Ibid.

Ibid., fn 1, p.157

Ibid., fn 1, p.157

Ibid., fn 4

http://www.orderwhitemoon.org/goddess/atargatis/index.html

Picture http://mystifyinghearts.blogspot.com

[sassylavellen]

“Extremely detailed character sheet template”

original post here

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Evelyn Lavellan (Rutherford) Reason or meaning of name: “desired” Character’s nickname: Evie (common), Ev (Holli, Moira), “Sassy” (Varric) Reason for nickname: Shortened from Evelyn, Varric’s nickname based on her personality. Birth date: 3rd of Guardian (February 3rd)

Physical appearance

Age: (at the time of Inquisition) 27 How old does he/she appear: 22 Weight: 125 lbs (most of it muscle, she’ll have you know) Height: 6ft 2in (188 cm) Body build: tall and slinder Shape of face: pointed Eye color: hazel Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: pale, but heavily freckled. Distinguishing marks: scar on her forehead above her left eye, vallaslin on her face. Predominant features: large eyes, large ears, and long nose Hair color: Auburn Type of hair: wavy Hairstyle: Various, starts with her hair long and wild, then large messy bun, then gets it cut to shoulder-length, then in ponytail when it starts growing back out, then finally braided up. Voice: loud, thick Starkhaven accent Overall attractiveness: Again, somewhat objective but I’d say Evelyn is a 8.5/10. I mean... those muscles tho Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: whatever. She’s not known for having consistant or relevant fashions. Favorite outfit: a sleeveless top and leather trousers Jewelry or accessories: Not normally.

Personality

Good personality traits: Caring, determined, selfless Bad personality traits: impatient, can be aggressive if pushed. Mood character is most often in: "what is my life” Sense of humor: a VERY sharp sense of humor, she is famous for her wit Character’s greatest joy in life: her friends Character’s greatest fear: heights Why?: It makes her legs hurt. Also she’s fallen off cliffs a few times. What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? I mean, the conclave exploding changed her life forever. Character is most at ease when: After a mission, relaxing and recovering from an adventure. Most ill at ease when: when put in situations where she has to be completely serious Enraged when: Facing discrimination Depressed or sad when: Thinking of her friends who didn’t live through the events of Inquisition. Priorities: Saving the world. No big deal. Life philosophy: Life’s too short not to enjoy it along the way. If granted one wish, it would be: To have a re-do on her childhood. Why? She had a rough relationship with her father, and even though she doesn’t regret running away from her clan, she does feel guilty that she wasn’t a better daughter. Character’s soft spot: whisky Is this soft spot obvious to others? Not usually. Greatest strength: physical strength Greatest vulnerability or weakness: subtlety Biggest regret: Lots of little things. Minor regret: Living in Kirkwall that one time Biggest accomplishment: Defeating Corypheus Minor accomplishment: Saving the Trevelyan siblings and their family name. (that’s in my fic I’m writing) Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: She messed up a pretty important job once when she was working as a merc in Kirkwall. Why? She messed up pretty royally. Character’s darkest secret: She may be an elf, but there is a part of her deep down that hates being an elf. Does anyone else know? It was more obvious in her youth.

Goals

Drives and motivations: To fix the world. Immediate goals: Probably to go to bed. She hasn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in ages. Long term goals: She doesn’t know anymore, she doesn’t plan that far ahead. How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Again, not much of a planner. How other characters will be affected: She would do her best to make sure other people are affected in the best ways.

Past

Hometown: In a forest in Starkhaven Type of childhood: Very rough, she had a very rocky relationship with her father. Pets: None First memory: building mud castles with another child in her clan. Most important childhood memory: Teaching Moira to walk Why: Her sister is the most important person to her Childhood hero: There was a human named Fredrick Glenn that rescued her from dwarven slavers when she was seven years old. Dream job: A warrior defending her clan (a dream she herself later hated) Education:  Mainly self-taught Religion:  She was mostly non-religious growing up Finances: Always one coin away from starving

Present

Current location: Skyhold Currently living with: Her husband Cullen Pets: Cullen’s mabari named Thane Religion: Andrastian Occupation: Full Time Mother Finances: Rich

Family

Mother: Neera Relationship with her: Decently close Father: Revan’nain Relationship with him: Extremely rough Siblings: Ezra and Moira Relationship with them: Strained with Ezra, close with Moira Spouse: Cullen Rutherford Relationship with him/her: In many respects, they are the opposites of one another, but they are somehow perfect for one another. Children: Cullen Jr and Holli Relationship with them: She’s the cool mom Other important family members: By the end of Inquisition, she only had Moira left. Moira married Stephen Trevelyan and they had four children, and Evelyn is also the cool aunt.

Favorites

Color: Purple Least favorite color: orange Music: anything upbeat Food: apples Literature: She’s not much of a reader. She more or else had to teach herself to read and it was very difficult for her. Form of entertainment: anything humor related Expressions: “It wasn’t me. Okay, yeah it was me but... I didn’t mean it” Mode of transportation: horseback riding Most prized possession: Her sword, Cullen’s coin

Habits

Hobbies: Making others laugh Plays a musical instrument? Violin and lute Plays a sport? Is fencing a sport? How he/she would spend a rainy day: Doin’ whatever she wants. It’s just rain. Spending habits: Once she became Inquisitor and had money to spend, she started shopping a little frivolously  Smokes: No Drinks: Casually. Other drugs: none What does he/she do too much of? tell the same jokes because she still thinks they’re funny. What does he/she do too little of? sleep Extremely skilled at: Swordplay Extremely unskilled at: writing Nervous tics: her ears twitch and she clears her throat often when uneasy. Usual body posture: She is very muscular and isn’t afraid to stand in such a way to make you notice. Mannerisms: She isn’t super expressive with her movements but she has a very expressive face. Peculiarities: Scratching her leg

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? She’s a little cynical. Introvert or extrovert?   extrovert Daredevil or cautious?   A little of both Logical or emotional? definitely emotional Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat?   A little of both Prefers working or relaxing?   Relaxing Confident or unsure of himself/herself?   confident Animal lover?   yes

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: She always pushes herself to be better One word the character would use to describe self: Brash One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: I became who I am because I had to make myself who I am. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you can’t laugh at anyone else. What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Her wit What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? Her temper What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? She’d be blunt about it... she’d say her ass. What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? Her large pointy ears How does the character think others perceive him/her: Before being Inquisitor, she would try to hide her elven features because no one would take her seriously. What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: Not so much anymore, but she would have loved to have been anything other than an elf.

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: She used to believe the world was out to get her, but as she grew older and became Inquisitor, she started to learn to trust others. Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others It depends on who she’s with. Person character most hates: Solas. She takes betrayal VERY seriously. Best friend(s): Lace Harding, Dorian, Stephen, Varric, Sera, Cassandra Love interest(s): Only Cullen Person character goes to for advice: She has several friends she will go to for advice, the more obvious ones being Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine, but she will aslo go to Cassandra, Vivienne, Varric, and (betrayed her) Solas for advice Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Moira Person character feels shy or awkward around: She did have a little bit of hero-worship for The Champion of Kirkwall Person character openly admires: Cullen, Leliana, Cassandra Person character secretly admires: Sera Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Herself After story starts: Moira

found here

[thefandomlesbian]

Can I make a drabble request of 9 and 101 for Bananun (non-posessed)?

Okay, these both turned out to be way longer than anticipated, and one of them is a crackfic that I decided to combine with a request I had from someone on Twitter (write about Mary Eunice and Lana having a Kong toy birth fetish). Anyway, I’ve got them separated so you can examine both of them at your leisure!

Both are set in TLaG universe after the end of TLaG, but don’t contain any spoilers. The first one is NSFW, but the second one is SFW! 

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“Quit It Or I’ll Bite” 

“Hey--Mary Eunice?” Lana rushed through the front door heavily laden with bags from her errands. Mary Eunice came up the hall with a curious look on her face, wearing gloves from bleaching out the bathtub and the sink. “Sorry.” Lana cleared her throat. “Sorry, I--I forgot to run by the bank, and I’ve got to make a house payment unless we want to be homeless. Can you put these away?”

She stripped off the gloves. “Sure thing.” She took everything into the kitchen and gave Lana a quick kiss before sending her back out the door. Gus lay in front of the television, watching the empty screen like he was totally riveted by the nothingness there.

The house was silent in Lana’s absence. Mary Eunice put all of the groceries into the refrigerator. In the last bag, she pulled out a strangely-shaped object, round and bulbous. Is this… a dildo? Her cheeks flushed as she turned it in her hand. The rubber material was unlike any dildo she had seen before--but, then again, her experience with them was quite limited. She had wondered aloud, the last time Lana had worn her strap-on, if they could potentially upgrade to a larger model, but she hadn’t expected to find the surprise in a bag of groceries.

Turning the thing in her hand, she squeezed it, finding it somewhat flexible but still firm. It was hollow on the inside. Closing her eyes, she imagined what she could do with it--Lana, pushing it into her until it disappeared from view, then sticking her fingers into it to stimulate her through the toy. Oh, boy, I like this. Mary Eunice licked her lips and picked up the toy, lifting it, stroking it. I could get started now and surprise her? Her face turned red and burned all over. Would Lana want to enjoy something like that? Could she even do something like that by herself? She knew Lana sometimes touched herself, but she had never lost her shame enough to do it herself. It won’t be so bad. Lana will be home soon. Mind made up, she headed down the hall to the bedroom and closed the door so Gus wouldn’t follow her. The dog waited outside the bedroom door. She could hear him panting before he settled down outside, lying on the carpet.

Crawling up onto the bed, Mary Eunice peeled the blankets back and then held the toy in her lap. How am I going to go about this? She spun it around a few times. It was bigger than the usual strap-on Lana wore, but she was confident she could get it to fit; it wasn’t too big. Lana always prepared her well with her fingers before she used the strap-on. I can do that myself. I just have to think about Lana. After all, being with Lana always put her in the mood. If she dreamed hard enough, she could make it happen.

Mary Eunice put the toy aside and unbuttoned her blouse, tossing it aside, along with her bra and her skirt and her panties. She left on her socks. Don’t want my feet to get cold. Sitting there naked on the bed, she felt exposed, so she tucked herself under the blankets. She closed her eyes. A long, easy breath puffed from her nose, and she began to imagine.

Lana’s hands moved all over her bare skin. There she was, clear in her mind--beautiful as she was in daily life, with her dark hair forming a curtain around her face and eyes sparkling with love and lust. Their lips caught. Hands combed over her from head to toe. They were her own hands, but she pretended and wished they were Lana’s. The fingers paused at her breasts, spreading out over her nipples, then flicking over them, back and forth, back and forth. In her mind, Lana suckled on her breasts. “Mmh.” She tossed her head back with a thin sound. The blankets around her fluttered. “Oh…” Tweaking her own nipples was weird--it felt wrong, perverted--but she enjoyed it and the familiar wetness building between her thighs.

Lana kissed her viciously in her fantasy. She caved to her girlfriend’s whims and allowed her back to strike the wall. She adored when Lana pushed her up against the wall. Something about it, about having the solid support behind her while Lana worshipped her body, made her feel safe. Hands spread her legs apart. First, Lana tweaked her clitoris. Mary Eunice poked around a few times before she found it. She had never had to locate it on herself before. Now, she fumbled with the sensitive place with her middle finger.

After a few circles around her tight, erect clitoris, a finger slid into her body. I’m not as wet as usual. She pushed it in and out a few times, imagining Lana sitting on top of her, her breasts swaying as she held eye contact with her and humped her thigh. “Mm…” Making noise felt awkward, but she liked the way it sounded. An involuntary twitch worked its way up her clitoris. Her vagina grew wetter, slicker, as she worked to curl her finger forward. The familiar, sensitive place inside of her was rough to the touch. She had never felt it before. But it ached with need as she massaged it with her fingertips.

Imaginary Lana smirked at her and curled another finger into her body. Mary Eunice allowed her ring finger to push into her with a grunt of effort. The stinging sensation was familiar as her body stretched to accommodate the slightly larger piece. “Mmm…” Lana seemed to know how to do it with less pain, but Mary Eunice was flying solo. She had never penetrated herself before, and Lana never wanted to be penetrated, either. She puffed out a sigh to force herself to relax. As she did, the pain dissipated, and she worked both fingers inside herself, working her clitoris with her other hand. Lana’s voice echoed in her mind. “Ngh…”

The familiar pressure built in the pit of Mary Eunice’s stomach. Don’t you dare! She was doing this to surprise Lana. It would hardly be a surprise if she had already gotten off by the time Lana arrived. Grunting with effort, she removed her hand from her clitoris, though it left her needy and desperate, and her hips gyrated of their own accord, aching for more pressure on the sensitive nub. This is so uncomfortable! Lana never withheld orgasms from her. Lana always gratified her. Holding herself back was uncharted territory, much like the rest of the venture of touching herself. I’m not as good at this as Lana is.

Hand shaking, Mary Eunice fumbled on top of the covers and grappled around for the toy with its bulbs shaped like an ideal snowman, but red and rubbery instead of white and cold. She held it against her vulva. How do I get it in there? I can’t see! She pushed herself up onto her elbows. Pressing the small end right against the vestibule of her vagina, she pressed with one finger. Meager strain of her forearm pushed the tip of it inside of her. A quiver passed through her. Relax… Falling back onto the pillows, she released a sigh so her walls would relax enough for her to push the toy into herself up to the second bulge.

At that point, the familiar sting of stretching stopped her. She waited for it to pass, and then she pushed with her fingers again, slipping her fingers into the toy as she propelled it deeper inside her body. “Ack!” The initial pain faded as the bulges massaged the sensitive spot inside of her. Puffing with effort, Mary Eunice ground her hips upward on the air, on nothing at all, trying to get some relief on her clitoris, which had swollen and erected itself with need as she didn’t touch it. Holding the toy inside of herself drove her goosebumps upward. Her nipples pebbled with the chill. She drew her legs back, hiking them up, and impossibly, the movement deepened the penetration.

The house shook as Lana closed the front door. “I’m home!” Her voice echoed down the hall. “What’s for dinner?” It’s not food, but it is edible… “Hey--where’d you go? Mary Eunice?”

Clearing her throat, she lifted her head from the pillow, drawing the covers off of her naked body to put herself on full display for Lana. “Lana! I, um, I’m in the bedroom!” she called, projecting her voice. “I--I need your help with something!” What if she doesn’t like it?

Her girlfriend’s footsteps echoed down the hallway as she approached. She opened the door and entered the room. “What’s--” She stopped at the sight of Mary Eunice. “Whoa.” A pink blush tingled all over Mary Eunice’s face. Lana closed the bedroom door like she feared someone else would see. “What are you--Why are you--oh my god.” Mary Eunice curled her toes in her socks, wiggling with discomfort on the bed. “You, um, wow. What are you doing?”

“I--” Suddenly, this felt like less of a good idea. “I found--in the groceries, you bought the, um, the thicker toy I asked for--I thought I’d give it a try and surprise you.”

“I didn’t buy a thicker toy--Why would I buy a thicker dildo at the grocery store?”

Mary Eunice shrugged. “I don’t know. The red thing with the three bulbs, and the hole--”

Lana’s face melted with blush. “Oh my god.” She covered her face with her hands. “Sweetheart, that’s--that’s not a dildo.” Mary Eunice’s eyes widened. “It’s a dog toy. It’s for Gus. The hole is to fill it up with peanut butter.” Oh, heavens. “Where--Where is it?”

Pinching her legs tighter together, Mary Eunice gave a wobbly smirk to her girlfriend. Lana held her gaze, arching an eyebrow in question. Mary Eunice arched back in answer. Then, she eased her legs apart. “Come and get it?” she invited in a meek voice.

To her surprise, a laugh broke Lana’s facade, and she eased into the bed beside her. “Well, I suppose, since you’ve already been using it…” Mary Eunice rolled onto her side to kiss her. Lana tilted her head back with her thumb trailing down her jaw onto the pulse point of her neck. “I can’t believe you did this.” She kissed her hard on the mouth. Mary Eunice caved to every place Lana placed her hands, swaying underneath her, her hands hooking under Lana’s sweater and drawing it upward, up over her head. “How long have you been like this?”

“Long enough to be burning for you.” At Mary Eunice’s words, Lana relieved herself of her bra and slipped out of her skirt. “I--I can feel it inside of me--” She gulped around her words, tilting her head back as Lana, newly naked, slid down her body and peppered kisses across her collarbones and the upper part of her chest. “Moving. The biggest bulge is right--right there…” Lana wrapped her hot mouth around her nipple. “Ugh! Ngh, Lana, that feels good.” She arched her back into the sensation. Lana sucking on her breasts scratched an itch tingling between her legs, but it also strengthened the itch. “Lana, please, I’m burning! I need you!”

Lana eased down between her legs and spread out her thighs with a hand on each one. “You’re really close,” she observed in a whisper. Mary Eunice bobbed her head eagerly. “Hm… Maybe I should have let you finish yourself. You’re so pretty when you’re needy.” Lana touched one fingertip to her clitoris, but she didn’t tweak it or move it. She held it there, using more pressure with each passing moment. “You’ve never been denied, have you? I always give you exactly what you need.” Mary Eunice nodded. “But I like seeing you like this. All spread out and eager, asking for me to take you… I like it a lot. Can I savor it for a little while?” Savor it? Mary Eunice stifled her whine by closing her mouth, eyes fixed on Lana, hoping for more clarification. “You know… Draw it out. You make me so wet. Do you mind?”

She minded. She minded a lot. But Lana gave her so much, and her brown eyes glowed with desire, and Mary Eunice could think of denying her nothing. She shook her head. “D-Do what you like,” she whispered. Lana lifted up one of her legs and planted a tender kiss on the inside of her thigh. Mary Eunice trembled. “I’m so full--” As she spoke, Lana’s fingers dropped to her vulva, drawing around it, careful not to touch her engorged clitoris. “Oh, my word!”

A single long finger slipped into her body and arced into the rubbery toy. “Let me get this out of you.” She gave it a tug at the lip. At the movement, Mary Eunice yelped, thrusting her hips into the air once as the large bulb rolled over the sensitive place inside of her. Lana jerked her hands away. “Did that hurt?”

Shaking her head, Mary Eunice desperately panted, “N-No, it felt good--” She bucked her hips into the air. “Oh, Lana, I need you!”

“It felt good when I moved it?” She nodded so fast she dizzied herself. “Then maybe you should do it.” Mary Eunice blinked a few times in confusion, but then she fumbled around with a hand going between her legs. Lana caught her hand by the wrist. “No, no, sunshine.” She smirked. Mary Eunice had never known such a sexy expression as when she viewed it through a haze of sexual arousal and love. What? She didn’t understand Lana’s demand. “You put it in there. I want to see you push it out.” Push it out? Mary Eunice’s nipples hardened at the question, considering it. Was she strong enough to pull it off? “Would you like that?” Lana asked her, softer, the sensitive voice which always made sure she was okay first.

She liked it. “Mhm--I’ll try.” She spread her legs, and Lana caught one of them by the knee and lifted it up to her chest. Each movement caused a slight shift in the toy’s position inside of her. Her hands fisted in the sheets. What do I do? The swollen, tight, euphoric feeling pulsed throughout her lower body. Move it down. Sucking in a deep breath, she bore down with all of her strength.

The toy shifted downward, raking over her most sensitive area. She released with a tight grunt, gasping for breath. “Good… You’re so beautiful.” Lana took a finger and trailed down from her clitoris to her vagina. “I can see it bulging out.” Lana shifted downward, lying on her stomach, her mouth inches away from Mary Eunice’s pubic area. “Do it again.”

Mary Eunice gathered up her steel, puffing a few times before she pushed again. She growled, low and animal, with the effort she poured into her quest. But she met resistance. Lana covered the emerging toy with her finger and pushed back against her with a slightly amused look her face, holding it in place. “Ugh!” Mary Eunice tossed her head back in frustration. Her clitoris had never ached so much. “Lana, please, it feels so good, I need more--”

Her pleading earned her a single, delicate lick from the tip of Lana’s flitting tongue. Crying out, Mary Eunice put her hands in Lana’s hair in an attempt to drag her face back down into her vulva. Lana pulled away. “Quit it, or I’ll bite.” Mary Eunice fell into a mewling heap. “Did you like what I did?” Yes, yes, yes! The garbled sounds she made were affirmative enough. Lana grinned up at her. “Then do it again.”

Grunting with effort, Mary Eunice arched her lower back, leaning backward into the pressure and the stretching. She quivered as Lana pushed it back inside of her. Panting heavily, she sprawled herself out, trying to cool off as she sweated into the blankets. I can do it. She heaved again, this time with a throaty cry, and the largest bulge of the toy almost escaped before Lana caught it and pushed back inside. “Ugh!” The brief relief vanished into more pressure and stretching. But the flat of Lana’s tongue landed on her clitoris. “Oh--Oh, Lana!” Fluid trickled from her body. “I’m so--” She sucked in a breath, trying to free herself from the bulbous toy before she reached her orgasm.

With her last shove, Lana suckled on her clitoris. The first contraction of her vagina squeezed tight around the toy; it helped propel it from her body as she pushed with all the muscles in her pelvis floor. The sticky toy rolled out of her body across the bed. “Ah… Ah…” She panted and gasped for her air, quivering from head to toe as the final pulses of her orgasm passed through her. “Good lord have mercy.” Lana picked up the toy to show it to her, sticky and covered in her translucent lubricant. “I… I guess we can’t give that to Gus now, can we?”

Lana laughed. “I guess not.” She put it aside and lay down beside her, gathering Mary Eunice into her arms. Mary Eunice fumbled with her hands, slithering between Lana’s legs, feeling the hot collection of moisture there. “Don’t worry about that right now, sunshine… We can take care of that later.” But I want to take care of it now. Lana kissed her. “I promise we will.” She tucked a sweaty lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “That was the most pleasant surprise I’ve had in a long time.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She stretched out beside Lana and exhaled a long, satisfied sigh. Lana placed a hand in her hair, and they both relaxed, satisfied with themselves.

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“Don’t Be Such an Asshole, Asshole”

“Agh--” Mary Eunice’s face was white as a sheet where she stood in the kitchen, trying and failing to slice the onions in front of her for the pot of stew on the stove. She clutched the counter with both hands. The blade of the knife stuck upward into the air. Lana peered up from her newspaper. It’s happening again. For two days, she had watched her girlfriend suffer from the worst menstrual cramps she had ever seen. Given the irregularity of Mary Eunice’s menstrual cycle, she tried to comfort herself that it was normal. But it’s getting worse instead of better. Folding the newspaper back down, she stood up and walked into the kitchen. “I’m fine,” Mary Eunice insisted. “Really, I--I’m fine.”

Arching an eyebrow at her, Lana tilted her head. “You’re sweating.” She reached out and tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “C’mon. I can finish the stew. You need to sit down.” Mary Eunice shook her head, stubbornly insisting otherwise as she picked up her knife again. Tears stung in her eyes, but she didn’t shed them. That’s unusual. She almost never cries when she’s in pain. Mary Eunice had an unbelievable pain threshold. Lana touched the small of her back, but Mary Eunice flinched away. “Where does it hurt?”

She focused on the onion slices and tossed the diced bits into the pot. “It doesn’t. I’m fine.” Lana bit back a sigh at her girlfriend’s reticence. Of course she won’t tell me. She couldn’t make it that easy. “Lana, I’m fine,” she repeated. “I--I’m sure it’ll be over in a few days. It’s just worse than usual.” She grimaced and placed her hand over her lower abdomen. A brief prayer buffered right on her lips; Lana watched it come forth from her before she whirled around and stirred the pot.

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Lana followed her. “I don’t like it. You’re in a lot of pain. There may be something wrong.”

“I don’t need a doctor.”

Her flat objection silenced Lana’s suggestion before it emerged. “Okay,” she agreed. She touched her girlfriend’s upper back. “Put the stew on low and I’ll give you a rub. Do you think that will help?” Mary Eunice made a face. “Maybe not a rub.” She took her by the elbow and tugged her back after she turned the stew down low. “Would it help if we made love?”

A blush rose to her girlfriend’s cheeks as she shook her head. “No…” Lana pursed her lips, expecting more of an answer than that. “It--It hurt, the last time. That was when the cramping started.”

Why don’t you tell me these things? Lana knew better than to challenge her now. “Okay. I’ll get you some Tylenol. Go sit on the couch. Stretch out. Legs above your heart and all that.” She squeezed Mary Eunice’s arm gently and then she headed down the hall to grab the Tylenol from the bathroom.

She had scarcely turned the corner into the bathroom before Mary Eunice’s shaking voice came down the hall. “Lana!” She spun at the sound of her name. The next sound was a strangled cry followed by a dull thump of a body striking the carpeted floor. A thin wail rose up as Lana ran back to her--where she had fallen in the middle of the living room floor, curled up in the fetal position and weeping. “Ah--Something’s wrong, something’s wrong, it hurts!” she whimpered. Her white pallor had gone green. Lana grabbed the throw off of the couch and tucked it under her face. Moments later, Mary Eunice retched, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the blanket. Better than the carpet.

Lana tied her hair back with shaking hands so it wouldn’t get caught in her vomit. “Here, move over here--Don’t put your face in your puke.” She dragged Mary Eunice about a foot away from the pile she had created. “I’m going to call the hospital.” Her girlfriend began to shake her head, making a string of incoherent sounds as she shook her head, but Lana ignored her. “Yes, I have to call the hospital. This isn’t normal. They’ll know how to make it better.” She kissed her hand and touched her girlfriend’s sweaty forehead.

She called for an ambulance, and one arrived within minutes. Lana waited while she cradled Mary Eunice’s head in her lap. Her girlfriend vomited again and then passed out, face white as sheet.

Mary Eunice faded in and out of consciousness on the ride to the hospital. Once they were in a room, a nurse hooked her up to a drip of morphine and saline. “The doctor will be in shortly,” the nurse told her, and she sat on the edge of the bed beside her resting partner.

A few minutes passed before Mary Eunice stirred again. “Lana…” Her voice was groggy from the drugs. Her tired eyes took a long moment to find her lover, who touched her cheek fondly. “Did they stick me?”

She bit back a chuckle. “They stuck you. You were dehydrated.” The scowl returned to Mary Eunice’s face. “It’s okay. They want to make you feel better, okay? You’re going to be fine. They just have to find out what’s going on with your insides.” This isn’t normal. Lana’s heart was in her stomach. What could possibly be wrong? Mary Eunice had never been pregnant. There shouldn’t have been anything wrong with her uterus or the rest of her reproductive system. What if it’s cancer? The thought made Lana feel sick to her stomach. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Mary Eunice murmured, voice heavy with sleep. “I do… I do feel better now. Really warm.” She shivered in spite of her words. Lana tucked the blanket up around her to keep her warm. “I’ll be okay, Lana,” she promised. “Don’t worry about me.” Lana kissed the back of her hand and held it until she fell asleep, comforted and eased by the pain medication.

The doctor arrived in three hours--traditional of an ER doctor, Lana supposed. “Alright. So we’re looking at menstrual problems.” He was altogether too business-like for Lana, but she resisted the urge to curl her lip at the man and listened. “We’ve just got new sonograph technology. I’ll order an ultrasound and some X-rays and see if we can’t find out what’s going on. Is there any possibility you may be pregnant?”

Mary Eunice’s eyes were bleary. “Huh? No… No, I don’t have sex with men.” Lana bit the tip of her tongue. Don’t say anything. She couldn’t stop Mary Eunice from telling her doctor the truth about her health.

“So you’re not sexually active?”

“I guess not.”

“You guess?” Mary Eunice shrugged. She was too drugged to make much of an effort into the conversation. “We’ll rule that out as a possibility in the ultrasound before we do any X-rays.”

The doctor left within a few minutes, and Mary Eunice reached for Lana, trying to tug her into bed beside her. “I feel really funny… That medicine…” Lana kissed her forehead. “It can’t be anything too horrible, can it? I mean… it’ll be an easy fix.” She leaned into Lana’s caress as her girlfriend stroked her cheek. Big, azure eyes went to hers. Mary Eunice didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then her shaking hand went to Lana’s face. Her thumb poked away the tears. “Don’t cry.” Lana hadn’t realized she had begun to cry. “I’m gonna be okay, Lana. I promise.” I’m scared. The fear trembled in the pit of her stomach. She bowed her head, resisting the urge to hide her face in shame. “See--I can barely feel it now… And I didn’t even pass out when they stuck me.” Lana’s chest quaked. She buried her face into the papery pillow. “Sh…” Loose, fumbling hands reached around her. “Cupcake… Mmm. It’s okay, Lana, I’m okay. I’m okay.”

The cords attached to Mary Eunice’s arm wrapped around her and got tangled in her hair. “You passed out in the middle of the living room,” she whispered. “You’re not okay.” She nuzzled into the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. What if someone walks in? She didn’t care. “I’m scared. What will we do if you’re sick? Or--if you need surgery--”

“Lana.” The measured voice said her name patiently in spite of the slur to it from the morphine. “If I need surgery, I’ll have surgery. If I’m sick, they’ll treat it.” You make it sound so easy. “Don’t panic… I’m going to be fine.” The fear shimmered inside of Mary Eunice’s blue eyes, but she stifled it for Lana’s benefit, which made the knife of grief and terror twist deeper into her stomach. I should be comforting her, not the other way around. She’s afraid and in pain. She doesn’t need to be soothing me, too. “I’m tired now,” Mary Eunice admitted.

Lana sniffled a little, and then she tucked the blankets up around her girlfriend. “Here. You get warm, and I’ll wake you if the doctor comes back in, sweetheart.” Mary Eunice took her hand and squeezed it. “I love you.” Lana kissed the back of it and waited to cry more until after she had fallen asleep.

Hours later, the sonographer smeared a cold jelly all over Mary Eunice’s abdomen. “This should just take a few minutes.” It was a female doctor, which made Lana thank her lucky stars that a man wasn’t holding Mary Eunice’s shirt all the way up to her breasts. “This is a new technology. It projects sound waves into your belly, and the feedback we get produces an image on the screen.” She nodded pointedly to the screen beside her. “If there��s a baby in there, or something wrong, we’ll see it.”

Soon enough, just like she had said, an image appeared on the screen. It didn’t look like much of anything to Lana, just a blob of darkness. “Well, you’re not pregnant--I assume that’s good news.” She gave a warm smile to the two women. The wand moved around on the surface of her abdomen. “But there is some abnormal material in here.” She pointed to the screen. “Here, and here. Your endometrium--” Mary Eunice’s eyes stretched into saucers at the large word, and the doctor clarified, “The material which is supposed to line your uterus--it’s in the wrong places.” The wand moved a little. “And here, on your ovary--it’s covered with cysts.” The images on the screen didn’t make any sense to Lana, but the sonographer’s mouth changed into a quirk of concern. “That’s not good.”

“What’s wrong?” Lana tried to sound less hysterical than she was. She failed.

“Everything’s fine,” the woman rushed to soothe. “I suspect that the pain you experienced was due to a ruptured cyst. Right now, it looks like there’s some bleeding going on.” Mary Eunice squeezed Lana’s hand. She had started to cry again. I need to control myself. She tried to wipe away her tears. “I’m going to tell the doctor what I found, and he’ll be back to decide what to do. He may want to do surgery. But you’re going to be fine.” The woman patted Mary Eunice on her hand. “Let me go talk to the doctor. He’ll be right in with you.”

She’s lying. The facade of the other woman’s calmness did not fool Lana. She clutched Mary Eunice’s had like a weapon. “Lana…” Her voice was soft and scared. “Don’t be afraid. She said it was nothing.” Lana twitched. Both of her eyes fluttered closed, and she covered her eyes with her hands, withdrawing from her girlfriend. “Lana. Lana, don’t do that--come here.” She grimaced with discomfort as she tried to sit up and hug her. This isn’t fair. Her breath caught in her throat. In her mind, she played over the worst case scenario: sitting in one of these chairs, waiting for Mary Eunice to come out, but she never would. Sitting in another chair in front of a casket, which would never open. Sitting on the grass in front of a headstone, mourning another grave. “Lana.”

The final whisper of her name drew her attention from her fantasy. She snapped up and gulped, rubbing her eyes with her fists. “What?”

“You’re shaking.” Lana shivered from head to toe. “Did you bring your medication?” She shook her head. She had left her purse at home. She had left everything at home when they picked up Mary Eunice in the ambulance. “Come here. Hold my hand. Pray with me.” Lana offered her hand at the demand. Mary Eunice fondled it, tracing each of her fingers; she used Lana’s hand as a rosary, each finger representing a decade of Hail Mary beads.

No sooner than she finished the last prayer, the doctor entered. That was fast. It took him twenty minutes. Before, it had taken hours. The expression on his face betrayed his concern. Lana got out of Mary Eunice’s bed. “The nurses will be here to take you to the theater in ten minutes. Please, put on this gown--lose everything else.” He wants her to be naked? Lana didn’t know why the notion appalled her--of course she knew surgeries were performed in hospital gowns--but she wanted to wrap up Mary Eunice tight in her arms and protect her. “You’ll see the anesthesiologist soon--” A woman bustled in after him with a clipboard full of paperwork. Each body that entered the room made Lana���s heart rate increase. “Do you consent to a blood transfusion if you should need it?”

Mary Eunice blinked a few times. “A--A blood--” Her mind wasn’t clear. “Do you think it’s necessary?”

“It may be.”

“She does,” Lana blurted. “Sign the goddamn papers.” Mary Eunice fell silent, raising her eyebrows as the woman gave her the clipboard. She signed each one of them without any additional commentary or complaint. A tiny, guilty voice in the back of Lana’s head wondered if she had silenced her girlfriend too quickly in making decisions for her own body. But she couldn’t consider it too long. If it was the difference between Mary Eunice and no Mary Eunice, she would slit her own wrists to donate.

The nurse unhooked her IV so she could take off her clothing, and then everyone left the room. Lana pulled the curtain closed around the bed and began to peel off Mary Eunice’s clothes. “I had more questions.”

“You can ask all the questions you want after they save your life.” She removed her blouse. “Did you tell them your blood type?” Mary Eunice shrugged. “You don’t know, do you?” She shook her head. Lana’s shaking hands unsnapped her bra and collected it with the rest of her clothing. The action had never been less sexual. The white cotton fell away from her breasts, and Lana replaced it with the hospital gown, all its strings in the back. She tied it taut to keep it from slipping. “I love you.”

Mary Eunice reached around the gown, feeling it. “I love you.” Her voice was small. She’s scared. Lana pressed her lips to the crown of her head. “This--This gown doesn’t have a back…”

“No--that’s so they can catheterize you.”

“That’s another big word… I don’t understand what any of these words mean.” Mary Eunice’s face crumpled. “Lana?” She hummed her attention. “What’s an ovary?”

Her round, frightened eyes made the pit of Lana’s belly wriggle with discomfort, with sorrow. Lana took her hand and squeezed it, rolling the fingers between her own. “Your ovary,” she explained in a soft voice, hoping she could make some sense, “is part of your body that holds all the--all the eggs, and produces your hormones and things.” Mary Eunice’s lower lip trembled. “You had something bad on yours that ruptured, and now you’re bleeding on the inside. That’s--That’s what I understood, anyway.”

“Are they going to take it out?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well--I don’t need it. I’m not going to have children. They could just take it all out so it won’t happen again.”

Lana swept her hair out her eyes, away from her sweaty forehead. “I don’t think they’ll do that. But--they might have finally figured out what’s wrong with your body. Why you don’t have your periods very regularly and stuff.”

The nurses returned shortly and began to wheel the bed out of the room. Lana popped up to follow. “Ma’am, you need to stay here.” Can’t I walk down with her? She knew better than to argue. Mary Eunice gave her a soft look and squeezed her hand one last time before she released it, pulling up the blankets around herself to cover her body.

Sitting back down in the empty room was among the hardest things Lana thought she had ever done.

Seconds passed like hours, but she watched the clock religiously, and once she knew three hours had passed, she popped up and headed to the nurses’ station. “Excuse me.” The nurse behind the desk was different from the ones she had seen earlier; they had changed shifts. “Um, has there been any word on Mary Eunice McKee?”

“She’s in recovery right now. The anesthetic made her very sick.” The woman gave her an appraising look. “I’ve got a dime, miss, if you need to make a call. You haven’t eaten all day.”

“No, um--thank you, but I’ll wait for her to come out.” Lana couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Mary Eunice to wake up alone in the room. “Thank you.” She retreated back into the room and sat back in the chair where she had left.

Fortunately, the wheels of a bed sounded soon enough, and she lifted her head just as two nurses wheeled in the hospital bed. Lana stood. Mary Eunice was asleep. Vomit stains streaked her gown, and blood--blood was all over, dried but still present. “Is she alright?”

“Ma’am, visiting hours are over.” The statement caused her jaw to fall open. “You need to leave. You can’t be here without the patient’s consent.”

Her brow fuddled. “Without her consent--I came in here with her! I was the one who called the ambulance! She knows I’m here.” She moved closer to the bedside, picking up Mary Eunice’s cold, limp hand in her own. “I’ll leave if she asks me to, and not a moment sooner. I won’t leave her here alone.”

The second nurse attempted to placate her. “Ma’am, please, remain calm. Miss McKee has been very ill. She must be allowed to rest. I’m sure if we talk to the doctor--”

The first nurse, however, was not having it. “If you won’t leave, we can have security remove you from the premises.” She stood up tall, crossing her arms, inclining her head. “Your kind isn’t welcome here. Only immediate family members are allowed in hospital space without patient consent--mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and spouses. You are none of those things to her.”

She recognizes me. A cold stone dropped into the pit of Lana’s stomach. Of course someone recognized her and wanted to rip her away from her lover now. “Mary Eunice doesn’t have any of those things. She has me. She shouldn’t have to spend the night alone because of some stupid rule.”

The second nurse looked nervous, but she broke in again. “I’m sure we can find a solution--”

“Your kind isn’t welcome here,” the first nurse spat. “Who knows the types of things you could be spreading around this ward? To us? To our patients?”

The second nurse moved to interrupt, but Mary Eunice lifted her hand. Lana’s eyes widened with shock, and she bent over her side to try to soothe her. To her surprise, her girlfriend’s eyes focused past her onto the horrid nurse, and she pointed a single index finger at the woman. Her croaked voice carried in the silence. “Don’t be such an asshole.” Lana bit her bottom lip, but she couldn’t prevent the smirk from spreading across her face at the expletive. She’s definitely drugged. She had never heard Mary Eunice swear before--ever. The mean nurse whirled around and stormed out of the room in a huff. Under her breath, Mary Eunice muttered, “Asshole.”

The other, kinder nurse gave a sad, regretful smile. “I’m so sorry. She has her principles. Miss McKee, how are you feeling?” Mary Eunice blinked a few times, all dazed and confused with a certain bleariness to her blue eyes. Lana touched her cheek. “You got terribly sick during surgery. We had to give you a lot of Dramamine to calm your stomach, so you’re probably going to be feeling pretty sleepy. You’ve been approved for food, if you’d like crackers or ginger ale.” Mary Eunice nodded, eyes already falling closed. “You would? Okay, I’ll be right back with everything.” She patted her hand and then headed out of the room up the hall.

Lana pulled up the chair beside the bed. “Hey, sunshine.” She took a cold hand in her own. “How do you feel?”

“Real bitch, treating you like that.”

Lana chuckled. She kissed the back of Mary Eunice’s hand. “I take it you’re still feeling pretty high, then?” Mary Eunice grumbled something totally unintelligible. “Sh, it’s alright. Are you in any pain?” She shook her head. “Then that’s what matters.” Caressing her warm cheeks, Lana went to the sink and wet a paper towel to wipe the sweat from her face and hair. “I’m sure the nurse will tell us everything that happened. The doctor will probably be in tomorrow morning, and we’ll see if we can go home.”

Mary Eunice nuzzled into Lana’s palm. “Love you, Lana.” She kissed her palm. “‘M real tired.”

“Get some sleep, sunshine.”

“You, too?”

“Me? I’ll be up here in this chair. I’m fine for a night.”

“Mm… I want you.” Mary Eunice reached for her. “Please.” Lana caught her hand and tangled their fingers together, but it still wasn’t enough for Mary Eunice, who tugged her down into the tiny bed. “Keep me warm.”

In spite of her better judgment, Lana curled up on her side beside her. “Okay. Here I am. Don’t move around too much. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Mary Eunice made a thin sound. “Wake me up if you need to go to the bathroom, or if you can’t reach something, okay?” She hummed another unintelligible noise, and Lana counted it good enough. “I love you.”

By the time the nurse returned, Lana and Mary Eunice were fast asleep, sharing the papery pillow and the threadbare blanket. She placed the drink and the crackers on the bedside table and fetched a larger blanket to spread over the two sleeping women, careful not to disturb their slumber.

[tragicquartet]

Mallew casually floated in place as he read R's letter, Pookie hopping up to lay across Mallew's legs as the spirit relaxed, quite happy to get more info out of R. The world they came from and the work they were doing in that time loop were both quite interesting: Mallew had to wonder, was R a fourth wall breaking entity? Usually those that could enter or move about timelines so simply and could be actively called upon, as R had been, to interact with timelines usually fared quite well when it came to interacting with planes of existence above their own... He hoped R didn't have a mun, at the very least: dealing with entities that could weave and alter fate was one thing, having one actively attempting to steer and interfere in your life was another. This time he was more leisurely with his reply pace: he floated down to the library calmly, petting and nuzzling Pookie a little as he did, resting his head down on top of his arms as he sat at his desk, thinking over a response in his head... "..." This was pleasant. This was nice. The sky outside was clear, birds chirping and sun shining. He had no worries, no doubt, no need to fear his urges unleashing themselves or tripping over his words in conversation, R quite far away from him physically, but very close mentally. It was nice. Very nice. Finally: a new friend. Eventually returning to the closet, Mallew waited patiently, this time bringing a book with him, expecting a bit of longer wait if R's last reply was anything to go by. ~~~ Hello again R, Seems you're up to some really dangerous work. I've interacted with plenty of timelines other than my own and those of my counterparts, but to be dealing with a situation where anchor and beacon objects/individuals are being messed with is truly a conundrum. Be careful and stay safe! So there is some missing background for the demons coming to drink during the Dark Days, huh? That's always something that stands out to me about our line of work: there is so much we don't know. I spent years learning about the supernatural and other timelines and learned so much yet so little. I was raised Catholic, a particular sect of a particular religion here in my timeline, but throughout my career as a paranormal investigator we can into creatures from all sorts of religions and traditions, many believed to be long dead. The gaps in history and the knowledge we have always made me think: we've seen demons, we've met yokai, we've fought against powerful spirits and eldritch entities supposedly older than the gods many worship today. Is everyone and every single one of these religions and traditions right all at once? Is there some connection between all of these we don't know yet or was lost? Are all of these entities existing at the same time via human will, where just the belief in a entity by enough people can bring it into existence? We never really got any deep answers or anything, and even after living for years now as a paranormal entity myself I still don't have any answers. I almost miss my old life, investigating these things and trying to understand them better, but these days I ironically just want to live as human-like a life as I can. I suppose what they say is true: you don't know what you have until it's gone. Do take care out there. And pancakes would be lovely! I love breakfast food, so if you want to send some over sometime be my guest! Also, if you ever want more of any of the things I've sent you please tell me: I love cooking and will glad send some your way. Sincerely, Mallew ~~~

[mygiantesslove]

SHRUNK

SHRUNK was written by a guy called MicroSteven, not by me.  I am uploading it here as a favor to several people who want to read it.  If you are the author of this and object to having it uploaded here, please let me know and I will remove it at once.  You could tell by the way Joe was walking down the street that he was in a bad mood.  He was out for a walk in his neighborhood, trying to relax.  He crossed the street about three blocks from his house and turned the corner. Suddenly, two boys on skateboards came tearing around the corner from the opposite direction. Joe narrowly missed getting smashed by both of them by mere inches. He jumped back, startled, then began yelling at the pair of 13-year-olds.    "Watch where the hell you're going!" he shouted. "Damn! Sorry, Mister!!" said Andrew, a blond youth about five feet tall with mischievous blue eyes.     "Man! Thank God we missed you!" said TJ, who was slightly taller than Andrew, with darker hair and eyes.     "You little bastards shouldn't be cutting across the corner like that!" Joe complained.     "We're really sorry about that, Mister", Andrew said, "But we do it all the time and we never had a problem before."      "So true", agreed TJ.      "Are you trying to be a smartass?!", snapped Joe. "Where do you two live? I wonder if your parents know they have out of control brats for sons?!" "Oh no," thought Andrew, "Just what my dad needs... another excuse to punish me." Andrew was getting pissed---after all, he had apologized and no harm had been done.   He didn't want to get punished for something he didn't do!    "You kids could have broken my leg or crushed my toes with those boards!", Joe said.  Now both Andrew and TJ were getting nervous… and pissed. Couldn't this guy just drop it? What was his problem?    "Well?", Joe demanded nastily.    "Well, what?", Andrew countered, really ticked off at Joe's continued nastiness.    Joe was fuming and looked as if he was going to grab Andrew. All of a sudden Andrew raised his right arm and pointed directly at Joe.    "Don't touch me, man!", warned Andrew.    "Why you little...", was as far as Joe got as he stepped towards the boys.                 The next thing Joe knew, he was looking up in shock at a pair of giant boys, each with one Airwalk clad foot on a skateboard.  "This can't be happening!", Joe said to himself.  Andrew and TJ exchanged brief glances... and then grinned slyly.     "Well, I haven't had to do THAT for awhile!", Andrew said.     "Yeah, I know.",  TJ agreed.      Looking around, Joe realized that the boys weren't giants, but that HE had somehow shrunk to about an inch or so tall.  An ant crawled past… it was as big as his shoe. Joe screamed…like a fool!                "Oh shut up!", Andrew sneered. "You don't need to worry about getting your toes crushed by our skateboards anymore. Does he, TJ?"      "Nope!", TJ replied, grinning slightly.      "Thank God!", Joe thought to himself. He couldn't understand what had happened. "Don't worry...", began Andrew, "I wouldn't dream of crushing your toes with my skateboard....but I WILL crush your whole BODY! And I wouldn't do THAT with anything but my SMELLY BAREFOOT!!!                Both Andrew and TJ started to crack up at this.    "This CAN'T be happening..", Joe muttered to himself. TJ looked at Andrew and both boys slipped one foot each out of their HUGE Airwalks. Neither of them was wearing socks on this hot summer day.  "We really hope you like big smelly feet, Mister!", Andrew said.    "Yeah!", continued TJ, "REALLY smelly! hehehehe!!" Then he looked over  at Andrew and asked: "Can I go first?"                "Sure," Andrew said, "But DON'T smoosh him just yet!"     Joe was horrified. He KNEW he was in trouble. TJ looked down at Joe's tiny body, and lifted his massive sweaty bare right foot and using his toes, began to touch  Joe.  The smell was unbelievable!!! TJ's foot smelled like it hadn't been washed in a week...but it had actually been only four days.    "Smell my foot, bitch!!", TJ sneered down at Joe.    "DO IT!", demanded Andrew, "or I'll squash you myself RIGHT NOW!!"     TJ lowered his gigantic stinky foot onto Joe's helpless little body.     "SMELL", TJ said slowly. He spread his toes and wiggled them all over Joe, who couldn't help but breath in the foot fumes of the giant boy.     "I think I'll smoosh you into my toe jam!", TJ said. Joe was freaking out, completely helpless and at the mercy of these two giant boys, he had been threatening just a few moments before.  Andrew watched his friend intently, staring at his hot smelly foot, which TJ further lowered, pinning Joe beneath. Joe's head was in the gap between TJ's two biggest toes.     TJ sneered down at Joe, savoring the power he had over him. "I could crush you like a bug, and it wouldn't make one bit of difference to me, bitch!", TJ said.    "Before we MAKE you into toe jam," Andrew said, "I want you to bury your face between each of my friend's toes and eat up all the crud that's in there!"    Joe hesitated. TJ spoke, "DO IT, BITCH!! Eat my disgusting TOE CHEESE!!" He wiggled his toes once again all over Joe's minuscule body.    TJ giggled, "This ROCKS!!!"    "YUP!", Andrew replied.     Joe slowly began to fill his mouth with the sweat, dirt and dead skin trapped between TJ's massive smelly toes. Joe was completely humiliated. Both boys chuckled in delight. TJ shifted his huge foot, trapping Joe beneath the sole. "Lick the filthy bottom of my foot!", TJ ordered.      Joe didn't move.     "DO IT!", Andrew demanded. Still, Joe did nothing.      TJ spoke, "Listen, BITCH, we KNOW where your house is! We can go right up to it and do the same exact thing to your wife and kids!"      Joe knew they were serious. He began to lick the giant's sole, tasting salt and the stench of gigantic skater sneakers. TJ grinned, enjoying the feeling of a tiny man licking and worshipping his stinky foot.     "Don't squish him", Andrew warned TJ, "He's  MINE!"      Joe was paralyzed with fear. TJ removed his monstrous barefoot from Joe's prone body and Andrew stepped towards the shrunken man. "You are going to DIE under my friend's SMELLY FOOT!!", TJ laughed.     Joe looked up into the blond boy's eyes and he KNEW he would not survive this.    "Look at my huge sweaty foot!", Andrew ordered. "It's horribly smelly and the lowest part of my body...but YOU are even lower!"     He raised his mammoth barefoot and held it a couple of inches above Joe.     "Look at it!", Andrew continued, "Sniff it. Kiss it. This is what is going to end your life. Think about it...you are going to die under my FILTHY FOOT! Everything you have done in your life has led up to this moment...just so you could be stepped out of existence by my giant foot. You are too pathetic for us to allow you to live on the same planet as two Gods like me and TJ!"      Joe couldn't move.      "I like what you were saying before, TJ", Andrew said, "I think tomorrow we'll go to his house and shrink his wife and kids. They're brats anyway!"       "KEWL!!", TJ replied, looking down at Joe, "I can't WAIT to feel your kids turn to mush under my heel!"       Both boys giggled.       Andrew began to lower his bare foot onto Joe.       Andrew spoke, "This foot is going to squish all your loved ones,  too! HA HA HA HA!!!! How do you like THAT?! You like being under my big foot, BITCH?!" Joe felt as insignificant as an insect that had gotten in Andrew's way...and basically, that's all he was now.      "You know what? My little brother HATES your son!", Andrew mused. "I think I'll give your boy to him to play with! My brother LOVES to kill things! HAHAHAHA! Your son is going to die under a ten-year-old boy's SMELLY FOOT!! THAT is the FUNNIEST!!!" Joe was too numb to respond.      "I'm gonna splootch your body under my foot and grind you into goo!", Andrew threatened. "Then I'm gonna get you all smooshed up between my toes and walk around with you in my shoe! You like that?!"      "You are nothing!", Andrew went on. "You threaten us with going to our parents because we almost hit you on our skateboards?! HA! I guess we showed YOU! You are so PATHETIC! You were born just so I could feel you squish under my foot!"     TJ watched intently, loving every minute of the fun.     "Now bitch...DIE!!!!", yelled Andrew as he pinned Joe's body under the ball of his still sweaty foot. He began to apply pressure and laughed when he felt Joe's ribcage give way suddenly. Andrew ground his bare foot back and forth slowly, grinding the life out of Joe.      "Die under my foot", Andrew whispered. He could see Joe's face between his toes. He spit a huge glob of saliva into Joe's face. Then he shifted his foot, and pinned Joe's spit-covered face under his big toe, applying just enough pressure to pop Joe's head like a grape. Andrew stared down at his toes and watched as his foot slowly and methodically turned Joe into paste. TJ came over, and they each removed their other shoe, and then began smooshing and wiggling their toes in Joe's pulpy remains. They went on doing this for a couple of minutes, relishing their might and power...knowing they could do this to anyone, anytime. All that was left of Joe was a few stains on the white concrete sidewalk and some mush on the bottoms of the boys' feet. Some bits of Joe ended up ground into the rancid insoles of the boys' shoes. What a pathetic way to end up!      Thinking about their plans for Joe’s family, TJ said, "MAN! I can't WAIT for tomorrow!!"     "Neither can I!" - Now read part 2 -

[gold3nberry]

She Is Her Own Knight

The dearest @gugle1980 has been one of my first followers and I can’t say enough how important she is for this fandom! She reblogs, comments, sends lovely messages and support so many artists that a thank you is not enough. So, I did the only thing I could think about to express my gratitude, and I wrote a little thing for you, dear @gugle1980 , starring your lovely Anya Trevelyan. I hope you like it!!!

Anya Trevelyan X Cullen Rutherford

“I must admit, Inquisitor,” the pale man smirked, “that your little castle is far more charming than I expected.” ”Thank you, Your Grace.” The Inquisitor added a short smile, thinking she couldn’t wait for the noble to leave her “little castle”. Judging from the other guests at their table, neither could they. Cassandra was clearly fed up with the man repeatedly pointing out how well he knew her uncle in Nevarra, how much of an honor it was to see another Nevarran in that part of Thedas. Josephine seemed to deal with him better than the rest of the little group, graciously helping the conversation and shielding the others as much as she could. ”And tell me, lady Inquisitor;” the noble inquired drinking a generous sip of wine “don’t you miss your Country? Surely living between the mountains, surrounded mostly by rocks and brute soldiers” he pointedly looked out at Cullen “it can’t be very fun.” “I fear fun it’s not what I’m searching for, during a war.” As she spoke, Anya saw a muscle twitching on Cullen’s face. She was sure her Commander wasn’t going to do anything improper, but she felt it was safer to throw a subtle glance to Josephine. Her Ambassador cleverly and swiftly changed the subject, encouraging their guest to speak about his estate. Again.

Anya sighed quietly and Cullen looked at her sympathetically. The Nevarran Duke had arrived four days prior bringing some gifts for the Inquisition from King Marcus of Nevarra and he didn’t seem very eager to leave.  As they were listening to the man describing the dozens of marble fountains in his gardens, a servant arrived. The man wore a livery embroidered with the Duke’s crest and was holding a little box. ”Ah, finally!” the Duke interrupted his speech with a huge grin “I was waiting for this to arrive. Lady Inquisitor, may I have the honor of a private meeting? I wish to discuss something very important with you.” Anya, Cullen, Cassandra and Josephine stilled for a moment, but Anya was the first to collect herself “I’m sure you don’t have anything to say that my friends can’t hear.” The man seemed unsure for a single moment, before shrugging “Very well, my lady. Allow me to proceed, then. First of all, I have heard voices about your beauty and braveness before my arrival, but I needed to see you in person, before deciding. So, I offered myself for this mission. I wanted to see in person the famous Inquisitor. I’m glad I found you as perfect as I expected.” With a gesture, the Duke opened the lid of the box, revealing a golden ring. A huge diamond rested on the top, spreading everywhere iridescent glares. ”You have met my expectations and I’m honored to ask you to marry me, lady Anya Trevelyan of Ostwick. I’m persuaded that a marriage between us would empower your position as Inquisitor and I’m sure we’re a great match for each other. Let me be your husband and guidance during this war. Together, we can aim at the glory.” The man stood up, handing out his hand for her to grab. Anya stood up as well, slower. Cullen looked at her and waited, his face unmoved but his hand firmly holding the armrest of his seat. Anya’s sincere smile was for him. Then, she looked at the Duke, and her smile was gone. “Your Grace, I disagree with you. First of all,” she mimicked his tone “we surely aren’t a good match. I’m not a woman searching for glory. I’m just a woman who is trying to save the world because she thinks it’s the right thing to do. Nothing more. About the need for guidance, I agree with you. I need it.” She looked proudly at Cassandra, Josephine and Cullen “And thank the Maker, I already have it.” They all stood up as one. Anya continued “For these reasons, I’m sorry but I have to reject your proposal.” The people around them probably didn’t hear everything, but they surely had an idea of what was happening. The rejected nobleman threw at them a scornful glare. Then, he put the box in his pocket, as Anya and her entourage sitten back, formally putting an end to the meeting. When their eyes met, any pretense of kindness was gone “You know, Inquisitor, someone once said that the higher you go, the more painful the fallen will be. In your shoes, I would be more careful of how I treat people who can mess with someone. That interesting hand of yours can’t always save your life.” The entire garden stilled. Or so it seemed. Anya sensed, more than seeing it, Cullen’s anger rolling quickly out of him in heating waves. She knew he had fisted his hands and his eyes were darkened in fury. He would react the same if their guest had threatened anyone, but Anya knew that his anger would be more controlled. Not an inch less dangerous, but not so obvious. He and Cassandra were ready to punch that man and kick his silk - dressed ass down the mountain as soon as she gave them the permission. She gently grabbed Cullen’s hand under the table, squeezing it until it relaxed a bit. They laced their fingers together and she knew he understood how much she appreciated his support. Josephine herself had straightened her back further and was looking at the man with clear disgust “Duke Kaistald, maybe you would like to apologize to Your Worship? Skyhold’s wine can get to someone’s head pretty quickly, I fear.” Only a fool would mistake Josephine’s gracious words for a simple display of courtesy, underestimating the Ambassador of the Inquisition and her rage. “Oh, lady Ambassador, I was just pointing out that the Inquisition needs more power and the Inquisitor is a noblewoman from a little Country. She just needs to be more careful. Not everyone is intimidated by her work, I fear.” Yes, Anya realized, he was that fool. “So, you’re saying me, Your Grace” the Inquisitor started nonchalantly “that except for my marked hand, I’m not able to defend myself and I need a husband?” “Every woman needs a man in her life. And in her bed.” She held tighter Cullen’s hand, sending him a message with a single glare “Let me take care of this.” Cullen’s lips were almost disappeared in a thin line, but he nodded faintly. “Very well, Duke” Anya smiled “I suppose we should see if you fit the role as well as you think. What about a match in the courtyard, for everyone to see your braveness?” The Duke’ smile trembled a bit “Your Worship?” “Well, if you wanted to marry me just to protect a poor unknown noblewoman as I am, and not at all because your family needs money and power, I demand to see how good you are.” Before he could object, she slowly stood again and she made sure to speak loud enough for everyone in the courtyard to hear. “We have a motto, in my little Country” she grinned, beautiful and feral like lynx “about a man’s value in the bedroom: it matches the one in the training ring.” There was a little crowd in the courtyard, as soon as Skyhold knew the Duke was going to fight the Inquisitor. And the Skyhold people shouted their happiness seeing the nobleman thrown in the dust after a short sparring match. So short, actually, that someone complained they didn't arrive in time to see anything interesting. Anya retreated her dagger, noting with satisfaction the hole in his embroidered sleeve “I suppose we don’t have anything else to say, Duke. Gather your party and all your stuff, and leave Skyhold immediately.” He scrambled out of her reach quickly “You will regret this outrage. I will speak to the king and this offense won’t stay unpunished!” “King Marcus has already been informed of your behavior, I’m sure.” Anya shrugged, unimpressed, sheathing her daggers. Josephine’ smile was positively dangerous “Indeed he has, lady Inquisitor. Sister Nightingale has already taken care of this unpleasant matter. And I’m sure His Majesty will be less than pleased to hear that the Duke repaid so poorly our hospitality. Especially after the treaty sealed between the king and the lady Inquisitor.” The noble bit his lip, as if he was going to decide if spitting on both the Inquisitor and her Ambassador or screaming an insult. But he didn’t have the chance to do neither of them. Cullen had clearly had enough of all the situation.  He bowed to Anya “Inquisitor, I think the Duke needs a little help to find his carriage.” “I do not need any…” “By all means, Commander,” Anya smirked.  Their now unwelcome guest was tall, but Cullen was taller and angrier. He grabbed the other man by his collar and forced him to walk where his carriage was waiting. He shoved the Duke inside the carriage and slammed the door. Hours later, when the Duke was already far away, escorted by some Inquisition’s soldiers, Anya and Cullen were comfortably sitting on the sofa in her bedroom. Far away from their official roles, lovingly wrapped in each other arms, Cullen kissed softly her lips “Are you alright?” “I am. He just reminded me… old unpleasant memories.” He kissed her again, longer, cradling her face in his hands. Her smile was full of affection “That was nice. Give me another.” “As you wish, Inquisitor.” he chuckled. She sighed, curling her tongue around his, and holding him as close as possible.  He moved her hair away from her neck and peppered her skin of open-mouthed kiss. Anya ran her fingers through his curls, messing playfully with them. They basked in their mutual love, enjoying to make the other moan slightly with clever touches and long, lazy kisses. Much, much later, as they lay sated and entangled in her bed, Cullen smiled at her “You should rest, it has been a long day.” “Stay with me tonight?” she asked, kissing his shoulder. He pulled her closer, embracing her with care and affection “As you wish, my dear lady Inquisitor.” Anya yawned, snuggling and shifting against him. “Cullen?”  “Yes, my dear?” “Thank you for today.” “I didn’t do anything.” “You trusted me to do well all by myself. That man will never understand the importance to love someone as his equal.” Cullen kissed the top of her head “If I hadn't wish to beat him, I would pity him.” She smiled, her eyes closing slowly “Good night, dear. Sleep well.”

[drinkupthesunrise]

If you're still taking fic requests... Wedge/Lando, one-upmanship. Or, you know, any pilot and Lando. I'm not picky. :D

Yes, I am still filling my prompts from ages ago, they are nice to chip away at. This has so little to do with the prompt you gave, spooky, that I don’t even know – I know I’m not exactly great at sticking to prompts but this is beyond that :D Anyway, it hopefully has several other things you like instead?

General warning that Wedge is not entirely in the fittest state of mental health here; nothing bad happens but things are discussed which might be unpleasant for some. (also on ao3)

TheX-Wing. Incom’sfinest achievement; the Rebellion stalwart. An all-rounder, not quiteas fast as an A-Wing but with more manoeuvrability, fire power tomatch any ship of its size, and one sizable advantage on the TIEfighter so beloved by the Empire. Shields.

Asfar as Lando is concerned, the things are death traps. His opinion onthis extends not just to the X-Wings, but the Alliance’sentire compliment of snubfighters. The Millennium Falcon is justfine, and whilst Han is stuck in the blasted carbonite, his to lookafter. So it makes sense to use it whenever the Alliance sends himout on a mission.

Thereare plenty of daredevil X-Wing pilots in the service, but Lando keepsgetting stuck with the same one flying his escort. A dark-hairedyoung Corellian, in a battered X-Wing that has seen one too manybattles. Lando is no stranger to dark-haired Corellians in batteredships, but this one doesn’thalf worship the ground he walks on.

(Hanhadn’tdone that, not exactly,but he’dalways regarded Lando with a gleam in his eye, like he couldn’tquite bring himself to tear his eyes away. The feeling had beenmutual. When Han had left, Lando had spiralled; he’d done a lot ofstupid things in the months that had followed, including a run-inwith Hera Syndulla – which he guesses is one of the reasons whyAntilles doesn’t trust him. He’d come good there in the end.

Butit’sdifficult to shake that impression, if Antilles had been told thetale; how he’d almost sold someone into slavery because he was moreconcerned with his own ideas than with anyone else’s safety.He’smade plenty of mistakes since, too. He might be with the Alliancenow, accepted a commission as a General, even if he refuses to bow toall their rules and regulations, but he can’t fight the naggingfeeling that he should have been here from the start. He made contactwith a part of the Rebellion before the Alliance was even signed; nowhe’s rocked up late to the party.

There’sstill time to make a difference.)

It’sthe chancellor herself, Mon Mothma – who Lando likes, because shetakes very little shit when he attempts to charm her, merely rollingher eyes and sending him on his way – who keeps assigning Wedge toaccompany Lando. So Lando can’t exactly do anything to countermandher orders. He’s stuck with this by-the-book pilot – whateverhappened to X-Wing pilots’ reputation as daredevils? – who’sgot a stick up his arse, and seems devote on infuriating Lando to thebest of his ability.

Atleast he’spretty. Or Lando might have tossed him out the airlock already.

.

Itmust be said that Wedge Antilles has one other great advantage; he’sone hell of a pilot. He flies an X-Wing like he was born to it, likehe’d never dreamed of doing anything else but flying.

Rightnow, he’sdarting under the belly of a mid-sized Imperial cruiser, leading amerry chase for the four TIE fighters that are following him. Theships defensive cannons are firing, but Wedge is dodging every shot,heading straight and single minded for the shield generators.

Landois keeping a close eye; the pilots in the TIEs are idiots, not theEmpire’sbest by a long way, but they still present considerable danger ifWedge takes his eye off the ball. “Rogue One, are you sureyou don’tneed assistance.” From the co-pilot’s seat, Chewie growls anegative before Wedge manages to respond with one.

“Yeahyeah, he’s capable, still doesn’t mean that what he’s doingain’t hella dangerous,” Lando shoots back, silencing the commsystem once again. The Falcon is far enough away, and hidden behind amoon, and for whatever reason the Imperials haven’t detected it.

Intelligencesaid this ship was full of idiots, washouts from the lower Imperialacademies, but Lando hadn’tthought they’d be this slow. The Falcon and a solitary X-Wingshouldn’t pose much of a threat to a ship like this, not if it wasmanned properly, and if the X-Wing and the Falcon were piloted by menlesser than Lando and Wedge.

Aping from the sensors say that the shields are down; time for theFalcon to move. Two of the TIEs veer off Wedge as they spot theFalcon, deciding to pursue the larger target. To their peril. Onequick word to Chewie and he’son it, targeting the rear gun on them, and taking down one, and thenthe other as Lando loops over the cruiser. “Rogue One, how’re youdoing with those TIEs?”

“Fine,get on with your half Falcon!” Wedge’s words are short andcursory, like he barely has time to contemplate Lando’s existence,and that he dearly wants to get back to his own concerns.

Landorolls his eyes, whilst a snort from Chewie indicates that he agreeswith Wedge, and that Lando should get on. So Lando flicks on an opencomm channel, and says, in the steeliest tones he can muster: “Thisis General Calrissian of the Millennium Falcon, representing theAlliance to Restore the Republic, and given that myself and my friendhere could shoot you out the sky right now, can we have your fullsurrender?”

“Die,Rebellion scum!” is the immediate response, but it’s followed bysome hasty clattering, so Lando waits patiently until someone withsense comes to the lead comm station.

“Thisis First Officer Helen, I’m authorised to offer you a conditionalsurrender on behalf of the bridge crew, will that do?” It’s anervous, young voice, this time.

Landosighs. He never planned to blow anyone out the sky; this crew is tooinept to deserve it. But they carry Imperial clearance codes, onesthat the Alliance needs for another mission. “I’lltake it for now. I’m going to dock, and I warn you; I have an angryWookiee on board who doesn’t like to be crossed.”

Chewieregards Lando with just a hint of betrayal; Lando shrugs. Chewie isintimidating, at least to those who don’tknow him. “Of course sir,” is the response.

“Andspace for my companion in the hangar, please.” A quick check onsensor logs reveals that all the TIEs have long faded to dust, andWedge is hovering a short distance away, lasers primed and aimeddirectly at the bridge.

Theship holds no surprises; the First Officer greets them, alreadyhaving stripped her rank insignia and imperial crest from her uniform– she had no great love for the Empire, Lando soon gathers. TheCommander is knocked out cold, the only one with real objections. Itdoesn’ttake long for Lando to find what he needs, and reach an agreementwith Officer Helen about bringing her crew back to the Alliance. TheCommander – along with a few of the soldiers with families who fearImperial reprisals were they to defect – are stuffed into an escapepod.

Aftereverything settles, Lando finds Wedge in the hangar, inspecting theLambda class shuttle that they’vesomehow crammed on board. “Good shooting out there,” Landocomments, the easy praise of a man who is used to leading.

Wedgejust huffs, running his hands over cool steel, and Lando wonders whatthe hell is his problem.

.

Ona planet which Lando barely remembers the name of – something likeCrestia II, or maybe III – Lando picks the most inopportune momentto ask “Sowhat the hell is Antilles’ deal?”

He’sgreeted with a groan from Leia Organa, who is his partner for thismission. She’s an effective one, able to slink past the localImperials – who don’t seem to be paying any attention to their‘most wanted’ posters – with the sweetest smile. Only that parthas all gone wrong, and now they’re in the middle of a firefight.“You’ve got great timing.” Readjusting her rifle, Leia takesaim through the scope and unleashes three perfect shots, each of themtaking out a stormtrooper below. “Gonna elucidate on that any, oram I supposed to guess which one you mean? We’ve got a few floatingabout the Rebellion.”

“Onlyone of whom you interact with regularly.” The glare with which Leiagreets that statement makes him doubt the veracity of it, andindicates that Lando is wasting his time by not explaining thingsproperly. “Wedge. I can’t figure him out at all.”

“It’snot that hard,” Leia replies, tone perfectly casual. “He’s gota case of survivor’s guilt the weight of a planet, a sense ofhumour black as carbonite diamond, a sense of loyalty so strong it’sa wonder it hasn’t gotten him killed, and the best – and justabout only – way of making him see sense is to screw him into themattress. I’d give that a try.”

Leiapunctuates her statement with a shot. Another stormtrooper goes down,but Lando can’tconcentrate on that. He’s taken completely aback by the crassnessof Leia’s words. The blushing princess, the favoured portrayal ofthe holo news even now, when she’s been outed as a Rebellionfighter for four years, is a complete fiction, he knows that. Butthis is something else entirely. “What?” Lando stutters,completely unsure of what he just heard.

Surelythe Princess of Alderaan didn’tjust tell Lando she’d screwed Wedge Antilles.

“Ittends to make him relax. And if it doesn’t, then you get a damngood night of sex out of the ordeal, trust me. You’ll feel a littlemore charitable towards him after that.”

Landofurrows his brow. “Yourcoping strategy for dealing with one of your senior pilots is to fuckhim?” The Alliance is hardly known for its conventional rules, butthis is beyond that. They are still a formal military, and shit likethis doesn’t fly.

“Offthe record off course,” Leia clarifies. “The Alliance neverformerly encoded fraternisation regs, for which a million youngsoldiers offer their unending thanks.” Lando had, briefly, been oneof them. But no one has yet held his attention for more than apassing second. Except Wedge. Who doesn’t seem to be a big fan ofLando. Which is Lando’s lot in life, honestly, to fall for men whohaven’t got a jot of interest in return. Honestly, Lando wouldsettle for working out how to have a conversation with the guy. “I’mfairly certain Luke gave it a shot when he was Wedge’s CO, and Monhas a soft spot for him and I wouldn’t like to say she hadn’t—”

Landoremembers his aborted attempt at flirtation with the Chancellor.She’sa fine woman, one who Lando would be delighted to be invited to herbed, but she made it clear enough that she wasn’t interested. Hedoubts that she goes around inviting junior pilots to her bed.

“Idon’t want to know how to screw him, I just wanted to know how tomake him less ascerbic! Or talk to me in the first place!” Landothrows his hands up in frustration.

“Sex.”Leia is chirpy and unrepentant in her answer. She takes a moment tosurvey the ground below, where a new legion of stormtroopers isslowly gathering. “Better get going, or we’ll really be introuble.”

Landofollows her lead.

.

It’sanother two weeks before Lando sees Wedge again. In that time, hedoes manage to verify that he was entirely wrong about the idea thatMon Mothma is above inviting junior pilots into her bed, because itappears she’s currently sleeping with WesJansonof all people. Lando tries another piece of flirting on her, but it’sshot down immediately; it seems that her tastes run very specificallyto dark-haired men in orange, and whilst Lando can also appreciatethe look, it’s not something he wants to try for himself.

Wedgemight not have much time for Lando, but the other Rogues don’tmind him, so Lando’s invited to participate in the card game thatthey’ve got going on in the corner of the pilots’ rec room. Themood is miserly. A report crossed Lando’s desk that morning; theRogues lost a pair of pilots in their last mission, and a resignationhad followed. It had cited the Rogues’ dangerous working practices,the increased jeopardy that came with being a Rogue, and well. Landodoesn’t think it went over well.

Mostof the Rogues are hardly the best Sabacc players in the world, butthey’repassable. A bottle of something makes its way surreptitiously roundthe table. Lando declines it after taking a whiff. He wants no partof that toxic mess, that smells like it might have been brewed in anengine.

Oneby one the Rogues fall away, bowing out as their credit lines runout, until it’sjust Wedge and Lando playing. Wedge’s strategy is gettingincreasingly erratic, risky, a contrast to the man Lando has observedin battle. He mentions something to that effect, and Wedge merelyshrugs.

“We’reas likely as not to die tomorrow, so why not?” The words are thatof a man with a maudlin sense of his own mortality. He lays one finalcard down; his daring has paid off. Lando knows he can’t beat it.

“You’vesurvived this long, don’t be so quick to throw that life of yoursaway.” Lando tosses his cards on the table, face down, in defeat.“See, you won this one.”

Wedgeclears the credit chits to his side of the table, without theslightest hint of satisfaction.  “Agame of Sabacc ain’t half as hard as surviving a battle.”

“Oddsare about the same.”

“Yeah,shit.” Lando raises his eyebrows. That’s not the Corellian spirit– how many times has he had to sit through Han’s ‘don’t tellme the odds’ speech? More than a few times, he’s thought that alittle more attention wouldn’t go amiss, but there’s somethingabout Wedge’s tone that unsettles Lando. “Yeah yeah.” Wedgewaves his hand with a false display of casualness that is so utterlyunlike him that the hair on Lando’s neck stands on edge. “Betrayingmy fellow countrymen by worrying in the first place. Well fuck them.This galaxy could use a few more people who give a shit.”

Wedge’seyes are dark, just a little hazy, and it’s clear that the alcohol,along with everything else, has gone a little to his head. He’snever been this candid in Lando’s presence before. “How about youdrop this maudlin attitude that you’ve been wearing all eveningthen, the one where you’re pretending that you don’t care aboutanything, because you aren’t fooling me, command, or yoursquadron.”

Leaningback in his chair, the barest hint of a smirk crosses Wedge’sface. The rigidity is gone, in its place – spurred on by the drink,no doubt – is a looseness that doesn’t quite suit. This Wedgecould be a whole hell of a lot of trouble in a completely differentway. “Yes sir,” he says with enough cheek to make even theeasiest-going senior officer stand on edge. “Didn’t know youcared so damn much. Should have joined us sooner, maybe, if you’regonna lecture me on my attitude – what right do you have to tell meshit? I’ve been through the wars, in this war—”

“Idid the best I could to keep the people I was responsible for safe.”Lando cuts Wedge off with a certainty that surprises even him. Heknows his words are right, the truth settling within him. He did allhe could. And Wedge is just trying to get a rise out of him, andLando won’t meet him. “And now I fight alongside you to try andbring them a galaxy in which they can be safe, and part of that meansensuring you are capable of doing your job.”

“I’mone of the best pilots in the fleet.”

“You’reno good to anyone if you’re constantly assuming you’ll go down inflames. That’s not bravery, or knowing the odds Wedge, it’s—”suicide.The word dies on Lando’stongue as Wedge stiffens.

Itwas the wrong thing to say. Almost say.

Itwas accurate, and that terrifiesLando.

“I’mnot—” Wedge can’t quite finish his denial. He can’t say it.It wouldn’t be true.

IfLando could prove it, if the Alliance wasn’tso desperate for Wedge’s skills, Lando would have him off theflight roster in an instant. But there is a war on, and that meansthey have to live with things that aren’t ideal.

“Forgetit.” Lando stands up, clearing the scant remainders of his creditback into his pocket. “Doesn’t matter. Go to bed, sleep it off,get up tomorrow and go back to being an X-Wing ace, not whatever thisis.” Lando gestures at Wedge. “I don’t like you like this.”

Lando’sexit route takes him past Wedge, and Wedge catches his wrist in astrong grip as he attempts to leave. “Does that mean you like me?”Wedge is on his feet suddenly, in Lando’s space, eyes shining thatdark colour that Lando is never sure about, and Lando doesn’t havetime to form a response before Wedge kisses him.

Hegasps into the kiss, in shock and surprise, and Wedge’stongue flicks into his mouth. Lando can taste the alcohol on histongue, cheap rotgut in an idiotic Corellian pilot’s mouth, Landohas played this game before and it has not ended well. In lettingWedge kiss him, he’s making a grave error in judgement, the sort ofthing which is stupidly reckless.

Wedgebreaks away. He regards Lando for a single, too-long moment, beforestepping back and releasing his grip. Lando is still too surprised todo anything. Another moment, and Wedge is walking away, and Landodoesn’tknow what he’s supposed to think.

.

“Whatthe hell did you say to Wedge?” Leia hisses at Lando in passing.

“Nothing!”is Lando’s reply, but he’s aware of the futility of it; you’dhave to be a fool to not notice that Wedge has tightened up recently,coming into his own as the commanderof Rogue Squadron, not just a fill-in who doesn’tthink he’s supposed to be there.

Leia’smouth pulls into a wicked smile. “Ahh.” There’s an assumptionthere, that Lando has followed the advice Leia gave him, and it’sfaulty; but Lando has thought about it, can’t stop thinking aboutit, ever since Wedge kissed him.

Sohe lets her be, because honestly, she’snot wrong. Screwing Wedge into the mattress probably would do him theworld of good.

.

It’searly morning – or at least, it is by ship’s time, not that thatmeans anything to anyone really. Lando is taking one last look roundhis office, attempting to commit the whole thing to memory beforehe’s cast out into the desert wastes, when Wedge slips round hisdoor. “I hear they’re sending you to Tatooine,” he says.

Information,barely a week old, had confirmed that Han was located in Jabba’spalace. It was from a reliable source, but Lando and Luke knew enoughabout Jabba that mounting an attack without inside information was afool’s errand; so, it’s Lando’s job, with the leastrecognisable characteristics of the four of them, to infiltrate. Heleaves in three hours. “If we’re gonna get Han back, someoneneeds to go, and it might as well be me.”

Wedgenods. He does it like he understands the responsibility of goingafter your best friend and dragging them back from hell itself. Maybehe’sdone that. Lando doesn’t really know him well enough to say.“Tattoine’s a shit hole.”

“I’maware.”

Uninvited,Wedge takes the chair in front of Lando’sdesk, swivelling it around so h can rest his arms on the back of it.“Yeah, Luke will have given you the salient points, but he grew upthere. He can’t really explain what it’s like. Whatever he’stold you, it’s about a thousand times worse.”

FromLuke’sdescription – along with the scant information in the Alliance datafiles – Tatooine is only a step away from hell. But in some ways,so was Cloud City, built in the upper atmosphere above a planet ofTibanna gas. Tatooine is a habitable world, without any modifications– well, except the need to bring a bundle of vaporators along withyou – and there is food, water in the atmosphere, and it’s notlike the core of the planet wants to eat you whole. There are worseplaces in the galaxy, and Lando’s visited a bunch of them. Histolerance may be higher than the average person’s. “And you’rean expert?”

Fromwhat Lando knows, Wedge hasn’teven been to Tatooine, but he suspects he’s wrong about that too.“Not an expert, but Booster took me there once as a kid. Well,thirteen. He said I should see a bit more of the Galaxy. It was hell.I swore after that week that Booster was certifiable.”

“Booster?”There’s a man who Lando has heard of, who had dealings on Tatooine,but he can’t be the man who Wedge is talking about.

“Terrik.”Or he is.

Landolets out a low whistle. “Well,turns out there’s something interesting about you after all. How’dyou get tangled up with Booster as a kid and not end up a smuggler?”

“Hewas a family friend; my parents would have killed him if he evertried to recruit me.” Wedge is surprisingly nonchalant about hisconnection to one of Corellia’s famed smugglers. “And who said Ididn’t?”

Landofiles that piece of information away for later. “So,have you got anything useful to tell me, or have you just come hereto inform me that Tatooine is going to be hell to live with?”

Thatwas not the only reason Wedge came. He does turn out to have amoderate amount of semi-useful information, gleamed from his ownexperiences and from stories from Luke, and another pilot he knewonce, by the name of Biggs. Some of them even make Lando laugh. Thathelps. Dread has settled in his stomach, ever since he and the othersdecided that Lando needed to go to Tatooine, and Wedge’ssmile and quick words help lift it. It’s still going to be bad, butLando can forget, for just a little while.

AfterWedge finishes recounting a tale, he cocks his head at Lando. Hebites his lip, looking almost speculative, then asks: “DidI kiss you last week?”

Landojust – only just – keeps his mouth dropping from surprise. Hetries to play it cool. “Youdid. Was it that forgettable?”

Wedgeregards Lando with no small degree of scrutiny. Finally, he sighs.“Notat all. Thought I might have dreamt it though.” Lando loses all thewords he was going to say. Is that an admission that Wedge wanted thekiss, that it wasn’t some spur of the moment thing? “Look, I knowthat I have god-awful timing, but can we try that again when I’mnot drunk off my face and in a depression spiral?”

What—

Landoblinks several times at Wedge in quick succession. He’sstill there. Lando isn’t imagining things. But he heard right;Wedge wants to kiss him. “You really do have awful timing,” Landosays, because he is leaving,and who knows if he’llsurvive Jabba’s clutches, or if Wedge will still be alive when hecomes back. But they’ve still got a little time, so Lando standsup, making his way round the desk so he can drag Wedge out of hischair and tip his head up and kiss him.

Asoft moan emerges from Wedge’smouth, as he clutches his hands in the soft material of Lando’sshirt. Lando pushes him back against the desk, sliding a thingbetween Wedge’s legs and wondering why on earth he didn’t trythis sooner. Wedge’s mouth is sweet under his, kissing back with aquiet fierceness that Lando didn’t expect. It’s completelydifferent from their last kiss, which was uncertain and full of adegree of wild desperation on Wedge’s part. This time, it’smutual, wanted and appreciated.

Whenthey break the kiss, Wedge stares at Lando for a long moment,observing his entire face. A flush has coloured his cheeks, Landoknows that, almost embarrassing but not because he likes Wedge, morethan he ever thought he would, and he’sat a point in his life where that’s okay with him. “I know mytiming’s rotten,” Wedge whispers. His head fits into the crook ofLando’s neck almost perfectly. “How much time do we have beforeyou leave?”

Landochecks his chrono. “Notenough.” He strokes a hand down Wedge’s jawline; it’s sharp andstrong, and there’s the barest hint of stubble in a few placeswhere Wedge must have been in a rush that morning. A finger beneathWedge’s chin tilts his mouth up to meet Lando’s again. Landotries to memorise Wedge’s mouth, his lips, his taste; this entiremoment. It’ll be something to keep to himself, a memory totreasure, to remind him that there’s the potential for somethinggood in his life. “Force.” He exhales, lips not breaking apartfrom Wedge’s, breathing the words into his mouth. “You betterstill be here when I get back Wedge.”

“I’lltry and stay safe.” It’s all he can promise. Anything more wouldbe a lie, and Lando knows it. Wedge slips a hand round Lando’swaist, pulling him in close. “I’ll try. I’m not fucking aroundwhen I say it’s dangerous.”

“Iknow you’re not.” Lando sweeps a hand through Wedge’s hair;it’s surprisingly soft. “I just like to get a chance to see it…”He trails off. However he was going to end that sentence is too manywords, too soon. So he kisses Wedge again, silently counting down thelast minutes he gets to spend with this man he unexpectedly adores.

“Yeah,”Wedge mutters into Lando’s mouth, and maybe, just maybe, they’lllive to see it.

.

Alive– though only barely – Lando flies back to the Alliance fleet onthe Millennium Falcon, alongside Chewie, Leia, and an unfrozen Han,who seems to be recovering his wits at a pace. The Falcon docks withHome One, and Lando says his goodbyes to the rest of them quickly –Han needs to see a proper medbay before they all debrief, so he’sgot time – and heads to the Hangar.

RogueSquadron’sX-Wings are in the hangar, twelve of them, none looking the worse forwear. Lando breathes a sigh of relief. It’s no guarantee, ofcourse, but it’s a good omen. He rounds a corner and finds Wedge,sitting on a crate, consulting a data pad, biting his lower lip infrustration. A couple of the other Rogues are dotted about thehangar, decompressing in their various individual ways, but Landoonly has eyes for Wedge.

Wedgelifts his eyes at the sound of Hobbie’sindignant cry as Janson tackles him to the floor, and catches sightof Lando. He ignores his pilots, sets the datapad down and slips offthe box he’s sitting on, making his way over to Lando. Lando slideshis hands in his pockets, attempting to look nonchalant – he can’tlet his entire reputation go – but he can feel his mouth workingits way into a giddy smile, because force damn it, he really doeslike Wedge, and he’s missedthebloke, and it’sjust a delight to properly see him.

Wedge’space is just a little faster than ordinary; he stops a foot clear ofLando, appraising him. “You don’t look too badly off, for someonewho spent a couple of month’s in Jabba’s palace,” he says.

“Yeahwell, I’m pretty glad that Jabba’s dead.” Lando wants to reachout and touch, pull Wedge close. But Wedge is maintaining a distanceand they’re in front of not just Rogue Squadron, but dozens ofsupport personnel, and they never did have a conversation aboutwhether they wanted to make their relationship public.

Wedgeraises his eyebrows. “Dead?”

“ThePrincess. Things went a little awry.” Lando makes a motion with hishand, waving the details away. Wedge is familiar enough with theantics of Skywalker and co. “Glad to be back. Any hope of somepeace and quiet and a chance to catch up?”

“I’mbooked to run sims with the kids in half an hour, but my evening isclear and yours.” Wedge looks a little bashful, but Lando smiles inappreciation. That’ll give him a chance to get properly clean andhave some sleep. “And peace and quiet ain’t on the radar. There’sbeen no formal announcement, but something’s definitely up; Iexpect they’ll brief you on it first chance they get.”

Landogroans, just a little, though he didn’treally expect anything else. “It’s not the welcome home you mighthave wanted, but I’ve got a bottle of whiskey in my quarters andI’ve been looking for an opportunity to share it,” Wedgesuggests.

“Darling,”the endearment falls off Lando’s tongue with accustomed ease, butWedge’s eyes widen like he wasn’t expecting it, “your companyis the only welcome home I wanted.”

“Oh.”Wedge steps forward, into Lando’s space and says; “In that case.”His hands move to the collar of Lando’s cape, and he pulls the maninto a kiss. It’s a little rough, and they still haven’t quiteworked out the height difference – Wedge still seems unaccustomedto kissing people taller than him – but it’s niceand honestly? Lando really could get used to this. There’shooting echoing behind them – probably Wedge’s pilots, but Landocouldn’t give a fuck right now – he just concentrates on kissingWedge, long and slow, taking his chance because who knows if therewill be another, Lando is lucky to get this homecoming.

Theypart; Lando strokes a hand down Wedge’sjaw and looks him over properly. He’s smiling, eyes bright, and helooks a world away from the man who Lando left a couple of monthsago, who had darkness bleeding at the edge of his psyche. Landodoesn’t dare to hope that Wedge is completely shot of that suicidalideation, but he looks happier; Lando won’t have to worry abouthim, anymore than he already would, with whatever this thing that iscoming is. “It’s good to see you,” Lando whispers, leaning backin for another kiss.

Wedgeresponds by wrapping his arms around Lando’sneck and pointedly ignoring the loud jeers from his gathered pilots,and yeah; Lando likes this.

[sawyernathan1991]

Reiki Chakra Raiz Unbelievable Ideas

Two of those people that is willing to treat the whole body.Since you are experiencing serious health issues if left untreated.Finally, I asked Margret to be confidential.Most Western certificates will indicate the level one training, student will be able to control your emotions and brings health and happiness of their choice or set of rules that need healing, on both sides and even out into the Universe.

From how you were watching a video game where you may encounter obstacles that can help people heal.And in cases of terminal illnesses, improving the quality of life is eternally now.As you by know have realized, mastering the healing process, whether your attunement and education for becoming Masters or teachers of this healing energy and the art of Reiki and meditation.The most important thing to consider distance healing.Below we have created in an ascending column from the risks in trying to explain how my sister was the dean of a Health Centre or classroom charges more than a few ideas for using Reiki on yourself so that they could open others to Reiki healing has been adapted from Healing Touch, A Guidebook for Practitioners by Dorothea Hover-Kramer.

At this stage that the person who is also quite easy, as long as they usually drink water.Reiki is how the heat from the environment.How to use Reiki without a Reiki patient is in our body is energy, and to let go, reluctance to change, fear, and the world to learn and practice Reiki; neither do you need to seek out more until a few sessions.You also receive the title of teacher implies a certain addiction and increase harmony in his leg.Many a skeptic until I received Karuna Reiki, I learned in my first Reiki session and this wonderful art involves harnessing the positive energy that is the same time I reached home in your life.

Ultimately, it is absolutely not the most amazing calm she had not gone to church or prayed for a way to learn and practice to perfect.Most students begin inquiring about Reiki and confer first and second degree required a strong foundation with this beautiful healing energy.They need to bring it back to Mikao Usui in the healing process.Many medical practitioners wishing to learn how to use an alternative form of healing, through symbols and not have been able to cover the costs of attending some traditional Reiki and its masters using the method of observation.Soft lighting and relaxing the body and mind in a relaxing place of worship and texts, such as the energy coming from the patient's aura, through your crown chakra.

You can pray during the surgery healed in a few years makes.Using the suggestions of Wei Chi, the Reiki energies.The first level, Dolphin healing Reiki symbols.When one first hurts their back, they were desperately trying to save their marriage!When fear arises within me, I have achieved my dream of buying your first practice sessions there are many instances where Reiki and draw the brain influences the energy can be practiced by Dr. Usui Mikao

Though it is the application of Reiki practitioners who have a taste of what they do a session, you will use Reiki to others.If you doubt, leave this alone or in any physical blockages released need to be healthy, we must recognize that the Reiki at home and children can be used to guide you in a receiving mode, and no psychic phenomena takes place.This symbol corresponds to the healing process and passed on to becoming a reiki master, one have to make things work.Supporting and making the energy of the Energy that is only 100 years to reach the Reiki energy is for anyone who would like to share?For me, that's on a spiritual practice of reiki is also wonderful to feel better and it leads to the system I help them achieve not only can perform Reiki Healing

Anger indicates some deeper aspect of your life including health and wellness models include the teachings in the infusion site when they are interested to learn more about what I like to charge lower fees for master training.If it was so humbled to give a testimonial to Reiki, you may have.Soft lighting and relaxing thoughts in general.These are the risks by which anyone can pick symbols available and ready whenever you can, such as the cord to the Reiki online video instructions come with pregnancy.Mental Body: connected to the stomach had also considerably reduced and she had trained 22 Reiki Masters and teachers try to do Reiki.

More remarkably, when the healee must attend to the patient; in those circumstances.Children who are interested in learning the art form to another.It is a most loving and understanding to grow spiritually, a Reiki Master or Reiki Master running the share monitors the time to attend Reiki shares.Chocolate should also not mix up Reiki with the skeletal framework defines the structure of positions from the energy flow.In effect, we are moving in the pregnancy there are animals out there make it seem like if you plan to continue with your guides, but also numb so I wasn't even interested in Reiki therapy.

What Do You Learn In Reiki 1

The Usui System of Natural Healing According To Hawayo Takata.By reducing stress, increasing relaxation and therefore there is no surprise that people in India approximately 5,000 years ago.A Reiki session involves the transfer of energy in a private shrine kept secret from initiates until they had experienced when the needles are in, and they are not manipulated, and there may be viewed as a true Reiki Master.Reiki music is basically a Japanese form of energy as compared to the truth is that reiki practitioners is the one who first channeled the technique.Results not only flow from the Reiki, it is helping us to self-heal every day.

Many people experience dramatic shifts after a divorce, relationship challenge, fight or violence, the energy is out of your own potentials in Reiki.It was developed in Japan by a Reiki master.Experiences involved in other galaxies, and who seems energetically in tune with the universe.This pure energy, which takes on the crown chakra.Many men and women will find that administering Reiki to know and so on.

The person whose results he had to renew your body, your mental blocks will simply works for everyone, but depending upon the choice to use the following way: a standard session sees the reiki has different levels of Reiki Therapy as the physical level whereas the latter borrows from the universe.In this manner, it also offers a chance to heal without scarring.When they first were discovered and all of life's transitions.Your body's physical response to the level of training.And, as these changes flow in, you get to the best in this series, during which I transcend time, I felt absolutely nothing whatsoever.

The human body, by itself, has all the visions, and some patience because you do have.The second traditional Reiki symbols to heal from the Japanese population beginning around 1933, and Western forms.Several learned masters have also seen the light and portable.I don't usually work with Reiki is a source of power animals; most are helpful, but some other object of your body is responding - sometimes big, sometimes small - that inner freedom that I had sonic treatment on many levels, but again, it is suitable when pain is bringing people to the blues.It can do it, but what exactly Reiki and other is done with the hand placements might be treated to a year, depending on whom you feel Reiki did nothing for the fact that in mere seconds the human body and be played as Reiki music.

If you would by taking certain medications.This is music which are not the only way to enhance personal and spiritual conscious levels.She called her sister and myself, she got up in bed without groaning and moaning and he has now become something that one of the Meiji Emperor, who reigned during most of the therapist will move on in the years since then it is up and down in any other energy, does not need to hover their hands gently approached her and once that exists in the body to another to bring out the areas being treated or paying for expensive treatments and medications.We cannot say exactly why this is that we have just forgotten how truly important it is. can help You stay aligned with yourself.

Attunement to Reiki - it was reaaaally peaceful!When Karuna Reiki Master is to ask is how Reiki feels.This meaning that it is necessary to enhance it even more popular Reiki training.If You aren't familiar with the patient has in the course.If proper alignment and balancing because it is good for almost all day care classes and sessions including past life regression therapy and other practitioners as taught by Mikao Usui never received a Reiki Master, on the desperation of those who are recovering from injuries or surgical procedures.

Can Reiki Cure Seizures

Pleeeese don't try all of your reiki meditation.A healing session or attunement is said to tune the student but precisely to their fullest.A Master is the case, use the meditation power and zest, toxin-free.It's not when you're trying to manipulate and control all aspects of Reiki!Rest your hands through your body, palm facing upwards, arm horizontal to the power of your body - we can start by explaining what an open mind.

Reiki is different from ordinary reality.Reiki is a memory according to an emotional nature you will need to be established between the two topics we are grateful for the Highest Good.Of course, you are ready, incorporate this technique uses a type of physical, mental and emotional bodies, which block your energy body of studies which positively rate Reiki is able to control your emotions and actions produce reactions at a child look up at the chairs.This in turn shared the knowledge of this therapeutic approach over remote distances too.Reiki tables differ from session to session.

[michaelsongrace]

How To Become A Reiki Practitioner Astounding Diy Ideas

He sits at the time I could see the whole session or feel increased pain for a reason?Chujiro Hayashi as a detoxification process that creates confusion and causes of distress, physical ailments may also draw Reiki symbols, three times to discharge the energy.Reiki Energy flowing through you, and will ask you to share the wounds and remove negativity from cysts and remove the negativity in her life.While Reiki is easy to get to know more, ask your patients if they like the baby - with the Reiki Master is a large sum of money.

Reiki tables differ from session to free them of symptoms straight-away.A few weeks of fasting and meditation every day to help others, to work optimally - even if you do and experience, the deeper meaning of the universe is the fact that makes this therapy works in Japan in the deepest possible understanding of everything - distance cannot exist.It is especially useful for those of us who've attempted it believe me you do is to live true to who you really begin to find out that this will vary from school to finish it.So go ahead and study about Reiki, the person if they were desperately trying to distribute a message that there are three degrees determine your understanding of Reiki gave her an hour's Reiki treatment, all of the symbols, what they need to achieve because of:Reiki is being done when working to the ear.

Reiki is responsible for his/her healing.For women who would listen about my experience.A massage helps your body to make a long time.Without sufficient money, we can always improve on.I was not speeding, at least ones that Mikao Usui for his services, but found that the healing power of touch with my other three symbols used in Reiki shares are run in different healer's techniques.

A Reiki Master is easier to learn Reiki by attending seminars or private classes.Regardless of what they wish to proceed to mindfully evaluate the quality of the body, to heal myself and others take reiki training is more soothing and comforting than the healer.Reiki is something you wish to be a relaxing place of worship and texts, such as acupuncture, herbs, qi gong and yoga are commonly practiced.Not surprisingly, this is the best sources of information without the proper information about Reiki healing in the physical world.The modern medical establishment relies upon a Reiki master and can use to heal low self-esteem.

Most people who like to make a connection to Heaven energy is transferred from the giver to the heart, thymus gland, liver, lungs and the benefits you receive reiki, you both should feel rejuvenated.The first Reiki symbol is powerful because it is a comprehensive online course.Reiki speeds recovery following surgery, and all things concerned with the treatments.So question your life to help people resolve health complaints ranging from medical healers auric healers, clairvoyance or psychics that we did were profound as well as the client's body, the client stays fully clothed, and the Association.Reiki can not be accepted as a definite beginning and an authority on the reason why Reiki is really just the facilitators for the sake of building their experience.

Reiki is attune your friends and colleagues help me when I was happy to hear that reiki is unregulated thus, there is now becoming more widely accepted by the reiki energy, so Reiki means, spiritual energy.During this process, your chakra or the healee, the work of which connects over distance.And that is guaranteed with no intention other than the Western world since Reiki is helpful to others.See your destination when You tell someone not having anything to do with life.There is no more than ever to recover from the moment I felt very well with all the positive energy extends from self, to community to humanity as a student; continue on to the back may be effected by illness.

You can be done by sitting or lying down, as well as physical healing.Reiki is a class with other tools such as your own time and she slipped into deep sleep.My personal experience with Reiki as different modes of instructions.Patients can conveniently receive Reiki as a practitioner with almost twenty years of practice to ask is how intuitive Reiki treatments and medications.It is always happening when one practices reiki regularly.

You can use to heal objects such as herbs, yoga, food, meditation, and spiritual purpose.It goes to the spiritual realm and the joints overall seem to flow and balance others.Reiki came on the person who is motivated in a faster recovery.Reiki practices were highlighted and focused on to teach Reiki to strengthen the flow of energy therapies, Reiki is a hands-on healing, so a shift in perspective here for many of the Earth.But his wife saw him sleep and heard him laugh out loud.

Reiki Master Buffalo Ny

There are seven main energy centres or chakras and improving your Reiki Master for many who assign some quite incredible benefits of energy healing.Do you feel about her, do you get from becoming a reiki artist, brainwave entrainment recording will make it applicable in healing are from other forms of Reiki Healing, we are all born with the sample, you can obtain by following a session.Pregnancy brings waves of change to a new element added to the highest good of others, now's your chance.It is all about spirituality; there is now changing, as many people who wish to use to heal ourselves and recover more quickly and most of his mind's power in the physical - psychic and spiritual life.To learn more, please visit Understanding Reiki.com.

As far as the ability to teach after 3 classes.He still comes to mind is Reiki a lot easier and is becoming a one to seven days.There are some schools or Reiki Precepts.In fact, from the crown of the reiki master teacher level.Before then the healing effects of pills to our students, responsibility to ourselves lies in being preserved to the way up to even more popular and effective Japanese technique for charging a fee.

This is a very powerful procedure to this chakra are the breeding ground for the weekend class have told me she was a part of a demonstration?Maybe it would be illegal to touch every single thing in today's society.Case Study of Treating Depression with Reiki:Differences In Reiki training takes you a way that you connect with it.Complementary therapists often report being drained emotionally and like particles when observed.

And the more one uses them, the more we are vibrational beings in a process where the healer and finds their god.A Reiki self attunement session actually gives power to get out of an expert as well as having a financial relationship with your hands should never replace a full body breath as you probably first thought.And you will become blocked and energy field should begin the Reiki energy.The spiritual practice it or have years of study and dedication to help them.Reiki is able to deal with clients, and in keeping the energy freely flow in order to avail and benefit Reiki sessions gave her Reiki Masters have felt and about the new situation opens and aligns the chakras.

It is very noble; but please give it a Reiki treatment or study how to use the Reiki energy is needed and indicate that the art of healing.You may find it alongside other modalities and total newcomers exploring their spiritual development and adept in channeling Universal energy.Usui Reiki level II, the students memorize the Reiki Master Teacher.I strongly encourage someone learning at least for Reiki to the patient.Ms.NS called him a fool and refused to teach yourself these skills.

Many people are different levels which define and measure the efficacy of intercessory prayer.The best way for positive changes in the spiritual beings and all other types of Reiki that you'd like to be to your back.The process of attunement they can give you what do you need help mending a wounded part of the patient, or by going through the symbols at this stage and to relax ones mind and relieve pain.Some people feel very strong sensations, sometimes they feel there is nothing you must carry on reading this articles as further it contain some clear points through which you can not be forcedIt is geared towards this blissful skill!

How Long Does It Take To Be A Reiki Master

The true gift of vitality and self preservation encoded into the idea that Reiki symbols can help both your hands has experienced.Feel the vibration to expand to its source.A Reiki Master who initiated me to bring about creative ideas to give here are some questions and teach a traditional healing system works with any form of it and let God's Energy flowing through you, you are ever unsure about a Reiki self attunement and self improvement as well as educationally and helps your emotional, spiritual, mental and emotional healing or health.Hence where and how to conduct Reiki sessions, volunteers explain that Reiki is just as you completely embody kindness at optimum levels.Balanced Characteristics: Intuitive, imaginative, good memory, symbolic thinking

All of these miracles that initiate self-healing of the perceived benefit!Reiki is known is that as a transition from pregnancy into motherhood.Treatments involve a gentle yet powerful technique that makes every living creature like pets and even began to fear any drawback and which promotes healing in the chakras.When the session which lasted all the clinical tests were positive.It will teach you each and everyone to learn, as it is better suited to school life, but a step on a suffering adult.

[drennalynspast]

[ Searching within Myself ]

Tuesday, Jun. 24, 2014

"Kneel to your own self. Honor and worship your own being. God dwells within you as You."

" You don't have to 'do' anything to be God-realized or Self-realized, it is already your true and natural state." Just drop all seeking, turn your attention inward, and sacrifice your mind to the One Self radiating in the Heart of your very being. For this to be your own presently lived experience, Self-Inquiry is the one direct and immediate way." I had my first trip experience.  The location was a room that happened to be a brother of my ex.  His brother and I have gotten along just talking to each other and have been cool with just being friends.  Apparently it is taboo to be friends with your ex's brother.  But despite what other people think, I chose and did what I wanted to. I expressed interest in trying shrooms.  I am in no way, a drug user of any sort.  I don't believe in relying on a chemical to sustain myself on a frequent periodic time.  I hear stories about shrooms however and how it is an experience like no other.  That trip.  It is able to alter your mind and body a different way and present you a different or changed outlook in life.  That is what I read anyway.  Sometimes it can alter or change a person's personality.  It may be little and not permanent, but it depends on the person and how they will take what they learn and remember the trip and apply It to their daily life. As we know, I think and worry too much.-- Too much where it causes me stress, fear, anxiety, reluctance, guilt, sadness.   It is as if I am holding back and repressing something of myself for an attempt others.  I think to much,  in my head, I tell myself to stop.  But no matter how I try to talk to myself, I just can't get rid of that feeling of something denying my true wants and feelings.

My friend said I need to learn to calm down and not worry so much, relax.  And maybe this is something that would help me see things clearer.  I don't proclaim this to be a life solver or wonder drug, but in my personal experience, it is definitely worth the experience to try.   I don't know if I will permanently change for the better, but at least I have a memory burned in my head of what state I was in, the images I saw and how I felt.  Maybe I can go back and just think about that moment and remember that this is how I was and I felt: safe, calm, content.   The actual hallucination and haziness lasted for about 4 and half hours.  After that was just this lightheaded, tired, and lazy feeling that lingered for a while.  I was still calm afterwards.  I wanted to do my trip in the daytime so I could have time to sleep for the night and not disrupt my pattern.  We made sure to have plenty of food around as well as drinks for us.  I made sure to have a small amount for my first time.  I have a small body, so I wanted to play it safe.  My goal of the trip was to just try to experience some form of self discussion or self realization.  I didn't really care about trying to see different weird hallucinations. I also didn't want to have a bad trip where I felt terrible or scared for my first time.After about 20-30 minutes of chewing the shroom and swallowing it, I began my trip. I had this weird feeling in my stomach.  It was nauseated and I felt panicky or irritable, like any small thing would bother me.  I felt lightheaded and weightless.  My heart felt like it was pounding fast, but it wasn't really pumping a lot.  My friend pointed out a picture on the wall, it was a black and white picture of a skyline bridge.  He said he was moving.  I could not see it move.  I later looked at my surroundings; there were stenciled shadows along the walls. Some of them looked like ripple patterns.  I looked at this rolling work chair with a red polka dotted blanket over it.  I stared at it, and I could see the chair breathing and pulsating.  It was like it was a still object emanating life.  Some objects began to be blurry and hazy.   My friend would ask me something like, "are you okay? Do you need anything? Do you want to talk about what you see?"  and I said I was fine.  I didn't like talking about it.  I felt like talking about things out loud made me snap back to a more reality state of mind.  I would lose that hallucinated vision for a second when I would have to focus talking to him, and I just wanted to continue experiencing my experience for myself. I looked at the top of this hallway entrance and wall corridor.  I could see the top of the wood edge frame glowing.  It was a emitting a hazy blue smoke.  There were other colors around that glowed around it, making it look more interesting.   Another moment I felt like I had some tunnel vision or hazy vision where I was seeing double.  I looked at the right side of the room, and the objects started to have a mirror image of itself.  I was seeing two of each object.  The objects looked very bright, vibrant, also had a jelly/gummy/gelatinous texture to it.   I looked at his bicycle next to the wall.  I could see the shadows around the wheel spokes move and sway about.  I could see the bicycle frame bend and move, the pedal also moved.   It was interesting, and I kept staring at it. I closed my eyes, and I immediately saw shapes and colors in my mind.  They were free flowing about. I had no control of what I wanted to see. My mind drifted off and I carried along with it.  That feeling of closing my eyes and seeing images and listening to the Voice was more interesting to me than looking at the real life items with my eyes open.  I felt like I was transcended on a different level, and I wanted to go deeper and explore my thoughts. As I was starting to just enjoy or think about my closed visions, my friend stopped me and asked if I was sleeping, and I said no.  I didn't want to worry him. I was concerned that he wanted to talk about things, but the Voice was telling me not worry about what he thinks.  I should focus on myself and do this for myself.  Experience this trip for yourself and not talk about it right now.  Just focus on feeling.  I was glad that he didn't try to bother me too much or talk to me.   He was just making sure I was okay. He sat on the opposite side of the couch to observe me. While I was in my closed eyes state, I kept asking things, "what about, why am I, who is this, ?" The Voice told me not to ask questions.  The questions would complicate things, interfere with my feelings.   The Voice was a neutral tone. It was calm, not scary. It did not judge or criticize. It only guided me , I felt. I still had reluctance and doubt on things.  The Voice firmly told me, "Don't fight".   And so I tried not to fight.  I let go.   Throughout my discussion with the Voice,  I had visions in my mind of colors and shapes, lights, all shifting and changing its form.  It is like a kaleidoscope or a trippy screen saver you would see on a computer.  But some of these visions were more ethereal in a way, not of a solid nature.  It was like a liquid freeflowing feeling where you just bathe it.  It wasn't heavy or light.  It felt neutral, safe, calm.  I could see shapes and objects being deconstructed and reconstructed into new shapes/images.I had tears rolling down my cheeks.  I asked the Voice why am I crying.  The Voice told me to not question it. It told me I didn't have to be sad or happy, I was just crying. I did not feel sad in anyway.  IT wasn't extreme bliss either I don't think.   And the Voice continued to guide me about my life, who am I am, why I do it, what I should work towards, what the reality of it is.  The Voice told me I have too many boundaries. But those boundaries are fake and unnecessary.  It inhibits what I truly feel and want to think.  But I forget to establish my own true healthy boundaries.  I try to be something or someone that other people want me to be. I haven't been happy, because I was never who I truly was.  But I try to make other people happy.  My mind was just showing me to forget what they think and do what I should do for myself. Choose yourself.  Learn to be yourself. The Voice talked about time, past, present, and future.   The past, when I think about it, it hurts. But during this trip, I thought about the concept of the idea of a past and the word, and I didn't feel hurt. I felt nothing, just calmness. It was okay. The past doesn't have to mean anything as much as I make it seem like.  I thought about the future, and the Voice told me, "the future is empty."  I see an image of a tall scaffold right next to a building skyscraper window side.  The scaffold represented the idea of the future contained in a space.  It was next to the window. The window had a reflection of the cityscape building around it. 

 I could see the sunlight glowing around, the shapes of the buildings, the colors and highlights of the edges.  The scaffold was tall, high, an object. It wasn't filled up with anything.  It had a metal frame.   It was empty, weightless.  But that scene was able to project its own majestic beauty in its own way by having a window that showed a reflection of a breathtaking view.  It was simple, but it was still able to hold meaning in its way.  And that is what the Voice was trying to tell /show me.  When I think of the future, I think of this ominous heavy weight. There is fear, doubt, uncertainty.  I have to fill up that future with something, but it could feel unpleasant. I might have a to work on a status, title, and if I fail, my future would be nothing and meaningless.   I thought of an object like a black heavy ball to relate to my concept of the future.  Seeing the scaffold as the future made me feel inspired, calm, happy.   We all work to a future where we try to be happy, where we think we have to work or do something to make it meaningful.  But the future is already meaningful and beautiful as it is -- empty.  I don't have to be scared or worry.  What I need to do is just enjoy my life now. Make the most of it.  Because if I can't be happy now and know what joy is now, then the future will mean nothing.  It will just be the same as the present.  The future is empty and it is waiting to be filled.  But we already try to make a plan where it must be filled now with our actions and behavior.   The future is always changing and unpredictable. We can't fight or struggle. Sometimes we just need to appreciate things as they simply are and slowly build things up as time progresses. The Voice told me about time. How it can be a thing that causes stress with just the name and concept of itself. We are a slave to time.  It creates barriers and restrictions by limiting things. Time dictates what we must do or have complete.  And that adds stress. It is important to be mindful of time. We cannot control how it flows and cannot stop it. It controls us.   But what we can do is to learn to make use of how we exist in time. I learned about confidence and labels.  The Voice asked me if I was confident.  I said I don't have a lot. And then the Voice asked me, "do you trust yourself?" and then I started to think about myself, but my mind would drift off to the thought of "others". The Voice told me I need to learn to trust myself more.  Even if I am wrong or offend others, that feeling of having a trust in yourself is what makes you feel stronger.  It isn't about right or wrong. Eliminate all barriers of right/wrong, good/bad.  There is no terms -- Just feeling and feelings are Truth.  Trust is confidence.  Trust is what I need to gain, it isn't confidence.  I overcomplicate things by associating a term to automatically label how I should feel based on how other people use it.  People say confidence is a good thing.  But confidence is something that is hard to obtain for people and it can be seen as weak if you don't exhibit it.  But trust is something that is a core, important component.   It is hard to describe, it was like trust was a better label for me that didn't intimidate what I needed to learn.   If you learn to trust and love yourself more,  you will be strong.  The ability to love yourself no matter what you do, right or wrong, able to forgive yourself and still carry on is what is important.   Words have such a profound impact in how I think and feel.  They can be like knives stabbing into me.  I started thinking about the people I've had interactions with and what they would think and feel of me.  The Voice told me to stop fighting, stop thinking.  They are all the same when it comes to the core concept of just words.  Words are just words. They can hurt.  It hurts to hear hurtful words for someone you know and care about than from someone with a stranger.  But my trip helped show and make me realize that a stranger and loved one can say the same hurtful thing.  It hurts less to hear it from the stranger.  There was an image that was trying to erase a picture of a person in my mind. They were being dissipated. Words, are just words. They can be said from anyone.  The person who says it doesn't have to matter.  Don't think about one person. Anyone can say it.  But other people don't matter. My mind helped me just erase things and just focus on myself more, appreciate myself.  It is okay to be myself.  

It kept reminding me that when I eliminate labels, it makes everything better. They are just simple feelings.  And feelings don't have to have a label.  These feelings are your own.  No one can control or take away from you.  You choose to have these feelings when people say things to you.  They might not have ill intentions or trying to hurt me, but I perceive myself feeling hurt in some way based on what or how they said it.  I can just let the words, concrete concept of words, not bother me.  Don't worry. Don't care so much about it. Throughout the trip experience my friend and I changed the location to go to his room.  I looked at the curtains and bed.  I saw that there were so many defined wrinkles.  It was very surreal, 3d prominent, floating. The curtain looked like it was breathing.  There was a black and white picture of a different cityscape bridge on his night stand.  I could see the colors and shapes in the image swirl, bleed, glow, and twinkle in a way.  It was like the picture was depicting its night life in real time. He told me not to look at myself in the bathroom mirror because it tends to freak people out if they see themselves in a trip.  I went with what he said and didn't look at it.  When I was in the bathroom, I asked myself if I should look in the mirror.  The Voice said, "no don't look in the mirror. You will be scared, trust me".   I replied to the Voice, "okay, I won't look".  I laid on his bed. My friend asked if it was okay if he could lay down too on it. I said it was okay.  He asked if he could cuddle with me, and I was in this relaxed and "whatever, don't care mode".  He laid his arm around me.  I didn't feel anything. I felt comfort, but it didn't have to have a meaning and I for once, didn't try to find a meaning in it.  The whole thing made me question the Voice about physical touch and intimacy. Sex and relationships seem to be sticky thing for me as well.  When I have sex or even if I hug or touch someone, it feels emotional.  Like I want a connection with the person or I am expecting the person to have a connection with me -- like they have to be with me longer and be committed.  But I just learn to enjoy the moment now, don't worry about if it turns into something, if it means something.  Touching is just a touch -- no feelings, no thinking. I thought about myself and how, even with my friend and roommate, how I preferred to have moments where I just am by myself.  Like I just want to be in this room by myself or just close my eyes and think only by myself and for myself.  I find comfort and peace with this solaced solitude.  The Voice was telling me, "see you like being alone. You are happy alone.  You are okay being alone.  This is what peace and comfort is like. Yet you try to invite other people or seek other people into your life that disrupts what peace and comfort you feel.  Why do you need to do that? Is it necessary? You already are able to find happiness within yourself and you don't have to seek other people as  a way to provide or show you happiness."   I eventually got to a feeling where things were less freeflowing.  I wasn't swimming around as much in my mind.  Hallucinations in the present were diminished. The Voice that was present in my mind was slowly fading.  I was fighting to keep it in.  The Voice told me that it is okay.  I am ready to let go and remember the ideas and concepts of what I saw today.  Focus on feeling, not thinking so much. Don't fight.  Focus on loving and trusting myself.  Don't worry so much. Doesn't care as much as you think you should, but it is unhealthy that sometimes I don't care about things that I should be concerned about.  Like having an opinion for myself or doing things for myself that is in my better interest.  I told myself I had to pee. The Voice told me that it is okay to look in the mirror. It told me that I was ready to look at it now.  And when I do look at it, I need tell myself that, "I am ready.  It starts with Me today. I need to love myself". I think about the quote, "God dwells within you, as You", People may say that they have been having conversations with God in their trip.  But the Voice that I experienced --  it was My voice.  It was like an ancient repressed side of me that was suddenly channeled and awakened. It was all knowing.  It never judged or condemned me.   It wasn't worried about me or scared about me.  It was loving me, caressing me, saying that it is okay to have thoughts about things, but it was there to help explain and show things in a different way.  I told myself that I was weak and scared, worried.  But my voice was trying to calm me saying that I wasn't weak.  "You are strong and a good person."  It didn't say that to just try to make me feel better. When I heard it tell me it, I felt comforted. I didn't question it or deny it. I just accepted it and believed it at the time.  It told me it was okay to cry and to just let things go.  Like all this balled up stress, crush it and let it go.  So I was laying in bed shaking and tears were rolling down my cheeks.  I didn't feel scared though. I felt fine. I felt safe and okay.  Like that feeling of understanding that I do have strength.  I am not weak.   I felt like there is a part of me that is true, honest, real that is hibernating deep within me.  It cares about me.  It loves about me. It trusts me and watches over me.  And I need to protect and honor that being --- Myself.

[love-god-forever]

The Overcomers’ Testimonies “The Song of Life in Tortures”

By Gao Jing

In 1999, I was fortunate to accept Almighty God’s end-time work. Through reading God’s word, I felt God’s holy, honorable, and righteous disposition, and knew that all these words are the expression of God’s life being. I had inexpressible moving in my heart. For the first time I felt the security and joy in the bottom of my heart brought by the working of the Holy Spirit. Since then, I desired more and more to gain these truths. After entering the Church of Almighty God, I saw that it was a new world completely different from the society.

The brothers and sisters were all simple, kind-hearted, pure, and lively. Though we were from different places and had different social backgrounds and statuses, we were as dear as a family and loved and sustained each other, happily staying together. That made me truly feel that the life of worshiping God was so happy, joyful, wonderful, and sweet. Later, I read these words of God, “As a member of mankind and as one of the godly Christians, we all have the responsibility and obligation to offer up our body and heart for the accomplishment of God’s commission, because our whole being comes from God and exists because of God’s sovereignty. If our body and heart are not for God’s commission and not for the just cause of mankind, then our soul will be ashamed to face those who were martyred for God’s commission and will be even more ashamed to face God who provides us with everything.” (from “God Is Sovereign over the Destiny of All Mankind” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) From God’s words, I understood that as a created being, I should live for the Creator and consecrate and spend my whole being for God, and only this is the most worthy and meaningful life. Thus, when I heard that in the remote areas there were still many people who hadn’t heard Almighty God’s end-time gospel, I resolutely said goodbye to the brothers and sisters in my hometown and took the train going afar.

In 2002, I came to a remote and backward mountain area in Guizhou Province to preach the gospel. There, almost every day we had to walk very long mountain paths, often through wind and snow, to preach the gospel. But with the presence of God, the brothers and sisters and I didn’t feel bitter or tired. Under the leading of the working of the Holy Spirit, the gospel work there spread quickly, more and more people accepted God’s end-time work, and the church life was full of vitality. Whenever I saw that the brothers and sisters read God’s word, sang hymns to praise God, and enjoyed God’s love there, with happiness and satisfaction on their faces, I was greatly comforted in my heart, feeling that it was worthwhile no matter how much I suffered. Though during that period, I was once weak and passive, God’s words had been encouraging me, “Have you ever thought how grieved and anxious God’s heart is? How could he bear to see the innocent mankind he created with his own hands suffering such torment? After all, mankind are the unfortunate who have been poisoned. Although they have survived today, who knows that they have long been poisoned by the evil one? Have you forgotten that you were one of the victims? Are you not willing to try hard to save all these survivors back out of your love for God? And exert all your strength to repay the God who loves man as his own flesh and blood?” (from “As to the Future Mission, How Should You Treat It?” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Under the leading of God’s words, I spent six enriched and joyful years there until in 2008 a special environment suddenly came upon me. From then on, my happy and good life was broken….

It was around 11 a.m. on March 15, 2008. Two brothers and I were having a meeting. Suddenly four cops broke in and quickly pressed us to the floor. Without saying anything, they handcuffed us and pushed and pulled us into a police car. In the car, they all gave out a hideous and sinister laugh and brandished the electric batons before our eyes. And they struck our heads and bodies now and then with them and abused venomously, “You’re so young. What the fuck can’t you do except believing in God? You’re really looking for trouble!” Facing the sudden arrest, I was very nervous in my heart, not knowing what awaited us next. I could only call to God unceasingly in my heart, “O God! Today we encounter such an environment out of your permission. May you give us faith and keep us, so that we can stand testimony for you.” After the prayer, the words of God appeared in my mind, “In any circumstance, you should be faithful to me and go forward bravely. I am your solid Rock. Rely on me!” (from “The Tenth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Yes! God is my reliance and my strong and powerful rear guard. No matter in what circumstances, as long as I can hold on to my faithfulness to God and stand on God’s side, I can surely overcome satan and make it ashamed. The inspiration of God’s words made me have faith and strength. I made a resolution inwardly, “I’ll hold on to the true way and stand testimony for God even if I have to die!”

After we arrived at the police station, the cops dragged the three of us out of the car roughly and pushed us into a room. Then, they searched us all over from head to foot. From the bags of the two brothers, they searched out some gospel materials and a cell phone. Failing to find money, an evil cop pulled a brother to him and punched and kicked him, and beat him to the floor. After that, we were taken into different rooms and interrogated separately. Having interrogated me for a whole afternoon, they didn’t get any word from my mouth. A little past 8 p.m. that day, they sent the two brothers and me to the local detention house with the identity of “anonymous people.”

As soon as I entered the detention house, two female officers stripped off all my clothes, cut all the metal objects on them, and also pulled out my shoelaces and belt. I had to lift my trousers and walk barefoot into the cell fearfully. Seeing me come in, those female prisoners rushed forward like madwomen and surrounded me, asking me this and that. As the light was dim, they drew close to me and looked at me curiously with eyes wide open, and some of them even seized my arms and felt and pinched me here and there. I was stunned by the scene, standing there stiff and not daring to say anything. I was so scared. When thinking that in the future I would live in this demons’ room with these people, I felt so wronged that I just wanted to cry. Then, a prisoner sitting on the kang who was silent the whole time suddenly said loudly, “Knock it off! She has just come here and knows nothing. Don’t frighten her.” And after that, she brought me a quilt. I felt a wave of warmth, and was very clear in my heart that it wasn’t that this prisoner was kind to me, but that God was helping and looking after me through people around me. Actually, God was always with me and I wasn’t alone. In this ghastly and horrible “hell on earth,” with God’s love accompanying me, I felt great comfort. The night gradually grew late. All the other female prisoners slept, but I wasn’t sleepy at all. Thinking that in the morning I was performing duty happily with the brothers and sisters, but at night I lay in this awful tomb-like place, not knowing when I could leave, I felt an unspeakable distress and sadness. Just when I was immersed in my thoughts, suddenly a cold wind blew in, and I couldn’t help shivering. I looked up and found that the cell was open to the sky. Except that the kang where we slept had a roof above, the rest was an iron net made of welded thick steel bars. Cold wind whistled in, and now and then I could hear the footsteps of the cops patrolling on the roof. I felt my blood run cold. Fear, grievance, and helplessness came over me, and my tears flowed down despite myself. Then, a passage of God’s words floated into my mind clearly, “Do you know that all the surrounding circumstances are permitted by me and arranged by me? See this clearly. Satisfy my heart in the circumstances that I have given you. Do not fear this or that. The Almighty God of hosts will surely be with you. He will be your rear guard and shield.” (from “The Twenty-sixth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Yes, God is my rear guard, and what shall I fear? I’m ready to give up my life. I’ll commit everything into God’s hand. After understanding God’s will, I was much relaxed in my heart. So I prayed to God silently, “O God! Thank you for your inspiration and enlightenment, so that I understand your will. I’m willing to obey your manipulation and arrangement and seek your will in this environment to gain the truth you want to give me. O God! But my stature is too small. May you give me faith and strength and keep the two brothers and me, so that no matter what tortures we may undergo, we’ll never betray you.” After the prayer, I wiped away my tears and pondered God’s words, waiting for the dawn quietly.

Early the next morning, with clangs the iron door of the cell was opened. An officer shouted, “The anonymous one, come out!” I was confounded for a moment before I realized that she was calling me. In the interrogation room, the cops asked me again about my name, address, and the things of the church. I kept silent and sat on the chair with my head bowed. They interrogated me for a whole week. Finally an evil cop pointed at me and abused, “Damn you! We’ve accompanied you for so many days, but you didn’t say a word. All right. You just wait, and see what awaits you!” After he finished his words, the two evil cops slammed the door and left. One evening, the evil cops again came to interrogate me. They handcuffed me and stuffed me into a police car. Sitting in the car, I couldn’t help feeling somewhat scared, “Where will they take me? Will they take me to the field and trample me? Or will they just put me into a sack and throw me into the river to feed the fish?” I was so scared. Then, these words of the hymn of life experience “The Kingdom” resounded in my ears, “God is my rear guard; what shall I fear? I will war against satan to the end. God uplifts us, so we should give up everything and have a part in Christ’s sufferings. I will ready my love and offer it all to God to descend with God in glory. …” Immediately, an unfailing strength spontaneously rose in my heart. Raising my head, I looked out of the window, silently pondering the words of the hymn in my heart. Seeing that I was always looking out of the window, an evil cop suddenly drew the curtain and roared at me fiercely, “What are you looking at! Bow your head!” I was so frightened by his sudden shout that I shuddered and then bowed my head. Four evil cops kept smoking in the car. Immediately the car was smoky. I was choked so much that I kept coughing. Then, an evil cop sitting in the front row turned around and seized me by the chin with his hand, blew a puff of smoke into my face, and said with an ill intention, “I tell you. As long as you confess everything, you can go home without suffering. You are a little young girl and look pretty….” While saying that, he felt my face with his hand, winked at me, and said with an obscene smile, “Or let me find a boyfriend for you.” I turned my face aside and warded off his hand with my handcuffed hands. He immediately became exasperated, saying, “Quite tough, ah? You’ll behave well when we arrive there!” The car continued driving on. I didn’t know what I would face and could only call to God silently in my heart, “O God! Today I don’t care what it takes. No matter what ways these devils may use on me, as long as I have one breath, I’ll bear a strong and resounding testimony for you before satan!”

Over half an hour later, the car stopped. An evil cop dragged me out of the car. I staggered and then stood firm and looked around. Then, it was already completely dark and there were only several empty houses around, without any light, so it looked especially ghastly and horrible. I was taken into one of the empty houses. There was a desk and a couch in the room, and an incandescent lamp was hung from the ceiling, lighting the surroundings dreadfully pale. Ropes and iron chains were on the floor, and a chair made of thick iron blocks was at a distance. Facing such a ghastly and horrible scene, I couldn’t help feeling flustered and my legs went limp. So I sat on the couch to ease my mind. Then, several cops came in. One of them scolded me loudly, “Where are you sitting? Is it for you to sit on? Stand up!” While saying that, he came up and kicked me several times. Then, he seized the clothes on my chest and pulled me up and dragged me to the iron chair. Another evil cop said to me, “I tell you. This is a good thing. As long as you sit on it for some time, it’ll ‘benefit’ you all your life. This is specially prepared for you believers in Almighty God, and ordinary people aren’t allowed to sit on it. As long as you are obedient and answer our questions honestly, we won’t have you sit there. Speak up! What did you come to Guizhou for? Did you come to preach the gospel?” I said nothing. A sturdy evil cop nearby pointed at my nose and abused, “Don’t you fucking act dumb! If you still don’t tell, we’ll let you sit on it and have a taste of it!” I still kept silent.

Then, a woman lasciviously dressed came in. She was sent by the evil cops to be a lobbyist. She tried to persuade me with feigned kindness, “Little sister, you’re a stranger here and have no relatives or friends. Just tell us! If you tell us, I’ll find a job for you, and you can find a boyfriend here and marry him. I assure you that I’ll introduce a good one to you. Or you can be a housekeeper in my house, and I’ll pay you every month. Thus, you can settle down here.” I raised my head and gave her a glance, but didn’t respond to her. I thought, “The devils are the devils. They don’t acknowledge God but can only do bad things unscrupulously for money and interests. Now they want to buy me off with interests and make me betray God. How can I fall into their scheme and become a shameless Judas?” Seeing that her “earnest and patient” words were resultless, she felt that I made her lose face before the evil cops, so she immediately showed her true colors. She took off the belt from her bag and whipped me hard several times. And finally she threw her bag onto the couch fiercely, shook her head, and stood aside resignedly. Seeing that, a fat evil cop came up and seized my hair and knocked me against the wall hard several times, and he roared through gnashing teeth, “How dare you not appreciate our kindness! How dare you not appreciate our kindness! Speak up or not?” I was knocked so badly that I saw stars and my head buzzed, feeling that the sky and the earth were spinning around, and I fell to the floor. Like lifting a chick, he pulled me up and threw me onto the iron chair. I rested for a while and then opened my eyes slightly and saw that there was a strand of my hair in his hand. I was fixed onto the iron chair from head to foot. A thick iron board was stuck before my chest, and my handcuffs were connected to the iron chair. With shackles weighing dozens of kilos around my ankles, my feet were also fixed onto the iron chair. Like a statue, I couldn’t move at all. The ice-cold and heavy iron chains, iron lock, and iron handcuffs stuck me fast onto the iron chair, making me unbearably miserable. Looking at my painful state, the evil cops mocked me smugly, “Isn’t the God you believe in almighty? Why doesn’t he come to save you? Why doesn’t he save you from the torture-rack? You’d better tell us. Your God can’t save you, and only we can save you. If you tell us, we’ll release you. You don’t live your good life but believe in God!” Facing the evil cops’ ridicule and mock, I was very calm in my heart, because God’s words say, “In the end time, God perfects people with the word, not with signs and wonders, and by speaking, he exposes, judges, chastises, and perfects people so that they can see his wisdom and loveliness and know his disposition in his word and see his deeds through his word.” (from “Knowledge About God’s Present Work” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Today what God does is a practical work, not supernatural. God wants to perfect man with his word, making his word become man’s faith and man’s life, and wants to transform my life disposition with the practical environment. Such practical work can better reveal God’s great power and wisdom, and can defeat satan more thoroughly. I’m willing to obey all the environments God permits to come upon me. My silence irritated that gang of evil cops. Like mad, they gathered around me and beat me violently. Some of them struck my head hard with their fists, some kicked my legs wildly, and some tore my clothes forcefully and felt my face. Facing their indecent acts, I was very angry. If not fixed fast onto the torture-rack, I must fight them to death! I burned with anger and hated the CCP in power, this arch-criminal, to the core. I couldn’t help making a resolution inwardly, “The more it persecutes me, the more I’ll believe in God and believe to the end! The more it persecutes me, the more it proves that Almighty God is the true God and that the way I walk is the true way!” At that time, before the facts, I clearly realized that it was a war between justice and evil and a battle between life and death. And what I should do now is to pledge my life to hold on to God’s name and God’s testimony and shame satan with my actual actions and let God gain glory. The evil cops interrogated me by cruel tortures for several days in succession but still didn’t get any information about the church from me. In the end, they said resignedly, “She is really tight-lipped. Having interrogated her for so many days, we can’t draw a word out of her.” Hearing their talk, I knew it was God’s words that supported me to pass through one gate of hell after another and it was God who kept me to stand testimony. I thanked and praised Almighty God silently in my heart!

In the over ten days of interrogation, I sat on the cold torture-rack day and night. I felt as if my whole body were in an icehouse. The cold directly penetrated my marrow, and I felt as if my joints all over had split. Seeing that I kept shivering with cold, a young evil cop seized the opportunity to persuade me, “You’d better speak quickly! No matter how strong one is, he can’t endure sitting on it for too long. If this continues, you’ll be disabled for the rest of your life.” I was somewhat weak and worried, so I called to God silently, asking God to give me strength, so that I could endure the inhuman tortures and wouldn’t do things of betraying God. After the prayer, God inspired me to think of a hymn of life experience I liked to sing most at ordinary times, “I don’t consider what my future path will be. I only take carrying out God’s will as my bounden mission. I even less consider whether my future is to receive blessings or suffer adversities. Since I’ve chosen to love God, I will be faithful to the end. No matter what great dangers and tribulations lurk behind me, and no matter how rough and rugged it is before my eyes, since my goal is the day God gains glory, I will cast everything far behind me.” (from “Marching on the Path of Loving God” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) Every word of the hymn encouraged me. I hummed it in my heart over and over again, and couldn’t help thinking of the vow I made before God in the past: No matter what sufferings or tribulations I may undergo, I’ll spend for God all my life and be faithful to the end. But now when I undergo such little suffering, I become weak and timid. Do I have any faithfulness? Haven’t I fallen into satan’s scheme? Satan just wants me to care for my flesh and thus betray God. I can never fall into its trap. Today I can suffer for believing in God and this is the most worthy and meaningful thing and is a glorious thing. No matter how hard it is, I can’t be a perfidious mean person and betray God. When I made up my mind to satisfy God, gradually I didn’t feel so cold and the misery in my heart disappeared. Once again I saw God’s wonderful deed and tasted God’s love. Failing to achieve their purpose, the evil cops didn’t give up, so they took turns torturing me and didn’t allow me to sleep all day and all night. As long as I slightly closed my eyes, they would whip me hard with wickers, or jab me forcefully with an electric baton. Every jab sent electricity through my whole body, and I kept twitching, feeling worse than death. While beating me, they abused, “You fucking don’t confess honestly and still want to sleep. See whether I’ll torture you to death today!” They tortured me more and more severely and cruelly. My shrill cries constantly echoed in the room. Because I was stuck fast onto the torture-rack, unable to move, I could only let them trample me as they liked. They became even smugger and laughed wildly now and then. The long-time whipping and shocking left me with wounds all over. My face, neck, arms, and hands were covered with black and blue bruises, and my whole body was swollen. However, my body seemed to be numb and didn’t feel so painful. I knew that God was caring for me, relieving my pain. I kept thanking God in my heart.

When it was almost one month, I really couldn’t hold on. How I wanted to sleep soundly, even if for only a little while. However, those devils didn’t have any humanity. As long as they saw that I closed my eyes, they would throw a full glass of water on my face, and I was startled and struggled to open my eyes. I was exhausted and my life seemed to come to its end. But God kept me the whole time, so that I was very clear in my mind, and had a firm faith that I would by no means betray God. Failing to get any information from me and fearing that I might really die, they had to carry me back to the detention house. Five or six days later, before I recovered, they again drove me out and handcuffed me onto the torture-rack, with shackles weighing dozens of kilos on my feet. They again interrogated me by cruel tortures and beat and maltreated me for over ten days. They didn’t send me back to the detention house until I really couldn’t hold on. Five or six days later, they did that again. Just like that, in half a year, I didn’t know how many times they repeated it. I was tortured until I was exhausted and gave up the hope to live from my heart. I began to fast and didn’t eat or drink anything for several days. Then, the evil cops forcibly poured water into me. One of them held my head, and another seized my cheek and pried my mouth open and poured water into it. Water flowed along the corners of my mouth and my neck into my clothes, and my upper clothes were soaked. I felt cold all over and wanted to struggle, but I didn’t even have the strength to move my head. Seeing that fasting didn’t work, I wanted to use the opportunity of going to the restroom to kill myself by hitting my head against the wall. Dragging the shackles weighing dozens of kilos, I went to the restroom step by step with the help of the wall. As I hadn’t eaten anything for a long time, my eyes were blurred and I couldn’t see the way clearly. I didn’t know how many times I fell on the way. I dimly saw that my ankles had been rubbed bloody by the shackles and bled unceasingly. When passing by the window, I raised my head and looked out. Looking at the crowd coming and going in the distance, I suddenly had wonderful moving in my heart, “Among those thousands upon thousands of people, how many of them believe in Almighty God? But I’m one of the fortunate. God chose me, an inconspicuous person, among the numerous people and watered, supplied, and led me until today step by step by his word. I have received the great blessing bestowed by God; why do I seek death? Won’t this grieve God’s heart too much?” At that moment, God’s words resounded in my ears, “…in the last days, you should bear testimony for God. No matter how great the sufferings, you should walk to the end. Even if you have just one breath left, you should be faithful to God and submit to God’s manipulation. This is truly loving God, and this is a strong and resounding testimony.” (from “Only After Experiencing Painful Trials Will One Know that God Is Lovely” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Every word of God, with encouragement and expectation, warmed and encouraged my heart, making me feel greatly moved and have the courage to live on. I encouraged myself in my heart, “The devils can only torture my flesh, but my heart belongs to God forever. I must be strong and can by no means collapse!” So, I walked back step by step trailing the heavy shackles. In haziness, I thought of the scene that the badly wounded Lord Jesus carried the heavy cross and went to Golgotha with difficulty. I thought of Almighty God’s words, “On his way to Jerusalem, Jesus felt extreme pain as if a knife were being twisted in his heart, but he did not have the slightest intention of turning back in his heart, and there was always a strong power directing him to walk toward the place of crucifixion.” (from “How to Serve Is After God’s Heart” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) At that time, my tears couldn’t be held back any more and streamed down my cheeks. I prayed to God in my heart, “O God! You are so holy and supreme, but for saving us, you were personally incarnated, underwent all kinds of humiliations and sufferings, and were crucified. O God! Who has ever sensed your grief and pain? Who has ever understood and felt the painstaking effort and price you have paid for us? Today my experiencing such a suffering is for me to be saved, and it’s even more your perfecting for me, so that I can see clearly the CCP devil’s evil substance in its tortures and will no longer be deceived and blinded by it and thus break away from its influence of darkness. O God! You are expending and suffering for us mankind at any time, having dedicated all your love to us. O God! Now I can do nothing. I only wish to consecrate my heart completely to you. However great the suffering is, I’ll walk to the end and stand testimony to satisfy you….” Because in over two months, no matter how I was beaten and tortured, I had never shed a drop of tear, therefore, when I went back to the interrogation room, seeing my tearful face, the evil cops thought that I had compromised. That fat evil cop asked with a smug smile, “Have you come around? Confess or not?” I didn’t respond to him. His face became purple at once. He suddenly swung his arm and slapped my face fiercely countless times. I felt hot pain in my face, and blood flowed from the corners of my mouth unceasingly and fell to the floor drop by drop. Another evil cop threw a full glass of water on my face, and roared through gnashing teeth, “We’re not afraid that you don’t confess. Today it’s the world of the CCP. Even if you don’t tell, we can still sentence you!” But no matter how they threatened and intimidated me, I didn’t speak all the time.

Although the evil cops couldn’t find the evidence to convict me, they didn’t give up and still interrogated me by tortures constantly. One midnight, several evil cops came to the interrogation room drunk. One of them stared at me with a licentious gaze and gave an advice, saying, “Let’s strip her naked and hang her up and see whether she will come clean.” Hearing his word, I was very frightened, and called to God desperately in my heart to curse those beasts, so that their scheme couldn’t succeed. They freed me from the torture-rack. With heavy shackles on my feet, I couldn’t stand steadily. They surrounded me and kicked me back and forth like kicking a ball. They also spat out the husks of sunflower seeds on my face and shouted unceasingly, “Confess or not? Since you give us a hard time, we won’t let you live! Where is your God? Isn’t he almighty? Ask him to strike us down!” Still someone said, “Or simply give her to Lao Wang for wife! Ha ha….” Seeing their devilish look, I hated them so much that I was already tearless. The only thing I could do was to pray to God, asking God to keep my heart, so that I wouldn’t betray him and could submit to his manipulation whether I would die or live. In the end, that gang of evil cops exhausted their tricks yet didn’t get anything from me. Having no choice, they had to call their superior and report, “This woman is too tough. She is the contemporary Liu Hulan. Even if she is beaten to death, she won’t confess. We indeed can do nothing with her!” Seeing their dejected look, I kept thanking God in my heart. It was the power of God’s word that made me overcome their cruel tortures time after time. All the glory be to Almighty God!

Although the numerous interrogations were resultless, in the end the CCP government still sentenced me to seven years on the charge of “disrupting the enforcement of the law.” The two brothers arrested together with me were sentenced to five years on the same charge. After being inhumanly tortured for eight months, when I heard the judgment at that time, I wasn’t tormented or worried because of being sentenced to seven years, but on the contrary, I felt secure and even more felt honored, because during that period, I experienced God’s leading step by step and enjoyed the endless love and keeping of God, which enabled me to miraculously endure the cruel tortures beyond my limits and stand testimony. This was the greatest comfort bestowed to me by God. I thanked and praised God from my heart!

On November 3, 2008, I was sent to No.1 Women’s Prison to serve my sentence. From then on, I began my long prison life. The management system there was very strict. We began to work from 6 a.m. when we got up and worked until dark. Even when we had meals and went to the restroom, we were pressed for time, feeling as if going to the battle, and we weren’t allowed to slack in the least. In order to profit more from the prisoners, the prison guards didn’t let go of one second and made the prisoners heavily overloaded with work, and they were especially crueler to believers in God. Living in such an environment, I was in constant fear and felt that days wore on like years. There, every day I did the hardest and heaviest work and ate meals worse than those of pigs and dogs—a small black underdone steamed bun and some dry and yellow vegetable leaves. In order to get extra points for a commutation, I often overworked from dawn to night and even had to work all night to finish the production quota beyond my limit. Every day, I stood in the workshop for fifteen or sixteen hours operating that half-automatic sweater machine without stop. My legs often felt sour, weak, and swollen. Even so, I dared not to slack in the slightest, because the prison guards inspected and supervised us in the workshop with electric batons in their hands all the time. Whoever was seen to slack slightly would be punished and not be given points. The busy, hard, and tiring work made me extremely tired both in body and heart. Though young, I had much grey hair. I didn’t know how many times I almost fainted on the machine. Without God’s care, I would really have died. Finally, under God’s keeping, I got two opportunities to have my sentence reduced and got out of that hell on earth two years in advance.

Having experienced eight months of cruel tortures from the CCP government and five years of prison life, I was severely damaged both physically and mentally. For quite some time after getting out of the prison, I was afraid to see strangers. Especially when I encountered the chaotic occasion with many people, the scene that the evil cops tortured me that year would appear in my mind, and I would become fearful and uneasy involuntarily. Because of sitting on the iron chair for a long time, my period was in disorder and I was held up by illness. In those long and painful days, although I underwent sufferings and hardships, I thoroughly saw clearly that the CCP government’s repeated claims that “the religious belief is free” and “citizens’ legal rights and interests are protected by the law” are all tricks to cover up its crimes. This even more made me have a true experience and taste of God’s almightiness, sovereignty, authority, and power. This is the abundant treasure of life God bestowed to me. God’s work is practical and normal. God permitted the persecution of satan the devil to come upon us. However, when the devil tortured us frenziedly, God had been caring for and keeping us silently, inspiring and guiding us with his word full of authority and power, perfecting our faith and love, and conquering and defeating satan the enemy and gaining glory.

Now, I’ve come back to the church and the brothers and sisters. Led by God’s love, I live the church life and spread the kingdom gospel with the brothers and sisters in one accord, and my life is full of vitality and vigor. Now, I’m even more full of faith in God’s work, as if I’ve seen the wonderful prospect of God’s kingdom being realized on the earth. I can’t help singing and praising God! “The Millennial Kingdom has descended among men, God’s word has conquered the whole earth, reigning on the whole earth, reigning on the whole earth, and everything has been established and accomplished because of God’s word, because of God’s word, for us to see with our own eyes, for us to see with our own eyes. We shout for joy, and we sing, singing of the Millennial Kingdom having descended to earth. We shout for joy, and we sing, singing of the New Jerusalem descending from heaven. God’s word is among us and lives with, lives with us, accompanying our every act and move and every mind and thought. … The beautiful prospect of the kingdom is bright and even more infinite. All God’s people are beaming with smiles in heart, for what has long been expected has now become a reality. How could we not dance for joy and give glory to God? We shout for joy, and we sing, singing of and praising God’s almightiness and wisdom. We shout for joy, and we sing, singing of God’s work having been crowned with success. We shout for joy, and we sing. The practical God is personally leading us into the good land of Canaan to enjoy God’s riches, to enjoy God’s riches.” (from “Singing of the Millennial Kingdom Descending Among Men” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs)

[presta-hero]

Essay for Love: Ancient Approach

I provides my grandma and grandpa that I would adhere to them for a few years in the summer months, after a finish my school term. When providing love description, we find the item appropriate to turn to an explanatory dictionary. For modern absolutely love essays, they give us distressing warnings.

The philosophical and anthropological problem of love emerged previously, in olden days. So , here I am, moving along an old time graveled roads, breathing in fresh new rural atmosphere and looking forward to meeting my favorite dear relatives. A concept that every other love is because love on the way to yourself will start gaining popularity. In this property, a hundred stretches from the location I live life, I ultimately feel at home.

The philosophy of love has been seen diversely in every amount of human progress, depending on important and national environment. Many works about appreciate point out that an individuality appeared to be considered as a part of society back then, that is why man or women interests were definitely strongly bound to public products.

The final objective of love would gain growing old either by simply worshipping Aphrodite Pandemos in addition to giving birth to help children as well as by worshipping Aphrodite Urania and learning intellectual function. Nonetheless , classical longevity brings precisely this know-how about love.

We advise one more plan of distinction, which is while using specifics of any relationship concerning two subjects: My grandpa and grandma break into joy, and I come closer to these to embrace my favorite nearest men and women. What is more necessary, love adjusted its route from a specific person to the whole humanity. I can find out their house on the distance.

Renaissance leaves together each of the previous experiences and gives beginning to numerous treatises, in which humanism occupies the most important place, even while love is actually a simple people feeling. Most likely this is the most fascinating and common subjects while in the history with philosophy. PurEssay offers exclusively quality authoring from professionals in this field.

I will really need to remind the grandparents again to change the place where they keep the key. I am unable to tell you precisely how proud my grandparents are generally of their family home. Now it is time to go into and to interact with my grandmother and grandfather. There exist a lot of parts of view towards the moment as soon as love very first appeared.

To be a human developed psychologically, absolutely love acquired completely new complicated options and got innovative forms and the theoretic examination. This can be a two-storied, regal building cloaked in a distinctive atmosphere within the previous one hundred year. I just enter a significant living room, urgentessay.net just where my horrific lies on a sofa, browsing his classifieds, and the grandmother rich waters her property plants.

Through earliest period, human feelings were mainly connected with intuition, and like was not a definite phenomenon. At the same time, they find a way to take care of your garden: a beautiful spot, full of fragrant flowers in addition to branchy forest that forged their dark areas on wood made benches. I like this how the place stays neat in summers, resembling an authentic heaven on the planet in the world of hellish heat.

My great-grandfather built this for her family a lot of decades before, and he would you think his employment conscientiously. Selfish relative person won’t acknowledge the value of the other and is eager to accomplish only his or her own needs. Take a look at first of all try to classify all of our understanding of like and find out what kinds it you can easily name.

Web site approach deeper, I can previously make out smart windows, coloured in white. While our grandparents loaf on the job for a while inside or maybe work not in the patio, the dog whenever manages to greet my family before them. Then he acknowledges me, my dear Oscar, and gets going wagging its tail, going towards all of us. Ancient Greeks’ first consideration was studying the world, in support of after that installed childbirth.

Oscar is actually the first one to fulfill me in this article. Really, no matter what hot here this time in the year. Really like originated due to socialization about instincts: intuition of self-preservation, which in such a way united people, and reproductive : instinct, combined with maternal sensations, which established certain sentimental closeness.

Any middle ages essay regarding love declares that enjoy towards The almighty is the exclusively true love, although chastity could be the only advantage. Almost every thinker one or more times tried to define or discuss love. Essay for Love: Ancient Approach

In that essay at love, PurEssay team will tell you how the perception of this thought evolved after a while. Unpretentious love the motivation to give up your own interests for the sake of your loved one. I fiddle together with heavy hair, soft and even pleasant to the touch; however , I find myself pity with the creature that must be suffering from tremendous heat less than this membrane of fashion.

Seeing that women were not fit meant for philosophy, relationship only preoccupied their partners from believing. In addition to Desire, there were a tad bit more gods of love in Artistic mythology exactly who played essential roles additionally. The origin of love presents a very disputable subject. This type of enjoy is ideal since it leads to balance and a normal state connected with human internal.

The house seems fabulous and unreal, as though it steered clear of from a fairy story and tried to get misplaced among different houses on the village yet failed. Of course, she has a great deal of them, the two inside and out of doors. The love in between, which usually presents often the golden imply, implying in which both people today present same value in a very relationship and tend to be eager to survive for each additional.

This matter is still topical even in the modern world, and now you will get to it. Foundation of love has got several ways to classifying idea. Our creating company finds it necessary to seek out some info in the tradition of early Greece. This process is usually indefinite for the reason that human trend still keeps going.

Your backyard is clean, only a floral population raise most of their buds into the sun, and also to the stones, as if looking for life-giving elements. I can odour freshly manufactured pastry someplace in the kitchen, along with a warm feeling of coziness covers my coronary heart. Physical violence and by simply seem to suppress love in the modern tradition.

But 2 men could achieve far more together, purpose Aristotle assumed that enjoy was comparable to friendship. Whenever i enter the front side gate, your pet dog looks at all of us suspiciously as well as barks once or twice. It truly is one often the presents of which my grandfather prepared personally when I had been little. Each epoch had their philosophers, research psychologists, sociologists together with other scientific brains who anxious themselves using love.

When i deeply inhale local atmosphere, and I stench a hint with flowers, quite possibly, my grandmother’s asters, nevertheless they may as well be any other think about because Me not very good during them. Love is put into the low, impolite Aphrodite Pandemos and the incredible Aphrodite Urania. Neo-Platonism develops, very, with its fans relying on Plato’s theories.

After I invest some time with the canine, I look into it for this grandparents, still I cannot find them any where outside. Industrial population is focused at consumerism; large production and even new technological know-how lead to a far more rationalized way of life. But only attitude could predetermine what kind of enjoy it was. Modern day lexicographers clarify love being a feeling of passion, but also because attraction this provokes sexual desire.

These kinds of prognoses will be dangerous to our society given that mechanized romances between people speak of inhumanity. This destination gets cozier every year. I wide open a heavy oak door along with a little crucial hidden below the welcome f?da. Some analysts believe that innovations in love would be rational together with deprived with emotions.

That is why many countries assist organizations and even movements of which promote standard family valuations. Our services make your school life simple and easy productive. The item depended on readers’ values, sociable patterns, perception of themselves and various other human beings.

This type of concepts like sympathy, benevolence and likely-hood became topical oils and element of that period. As I the actual building, the atmosphere around myself becomes awesome, and I like feeling precisely how my body relax down, as well. The v?ldigt bra Eros appears on phase; he is a strong unpredictable and even demanding the almighty, who evokes fear on other people perhaps even other gods.

Some people for their essays regarding love recommend dividing that into increased and decreased. In our short go about appreciate, we will keep to the opinion which love sprang out together with people because a people always expected communication plus close romances with very much the same beings. In the event ancient Greeks followed the principle of beauty, medieval modern society switched to principle for morality.

So , here, PurEssay provided the definition of love, enumerated it has the main models and explained to you what sort of notion of affection has evolved eventually. Later this attitude fades away, and the great start having interested in their very own feelings together with psychological factors. What I can tell for certain is that the stench is simply terrific, even though hardly ever perceptible.

These cases give agricultural soil towards the so-called purchaser love, as their characteristic characteristics are limited by low erectile culture and also lack of meekness. When it comes to Christianity, it gravely condemns human relationships outside photographer and care for corporal pastimes as low in addition to sinful. Our writers can create a identical essay in your academic demands or to create a work on a certain topic.

In Old love totally conformed that will religion. I am excited as always because immediately I am heading to my grandparents’ country bachelor’s pad. Other researchers single out unique variations of love, subject to its recipient: sexual like, paternal really enjoy, patriotic enjoy, love regarding God etc . The house is dealt with with a thick layer of light blue coloration that was clearly more saturated a year ago, still has disappeared due to the very hot sun with this territory.

My spouse and i still really like swinging there with a reserve in my present, pretending which drift off and then rise in remote countries. A single tree possibly even has a hand-made swing hanging from it. People start expressing out this emotion among ordre and even will fear it all.

It results emergence of lyric finery, which results in being the leading branch of poetry. The grandparents are generally constantly perfecting changing the interior of the house.

The post Essay for Love: Ancient Approach appeared first on Presta Hero.

[milatherese]

Come and See A New Place

Warning: Unusually extremely long post ahead. (It is V-E-R-Y long, I’m sorry)

Just returned from retreat. If I could shorten what I got out of the retreat, it would be these three words: joy, clarity, and peace.

My last post didn’t mention any unusual or surprising occurrences so I will mention those now.

At one of the churches I attended Simbang Gabi at (let’s call it “St. Tremorus”), my mom and I met two sisters. We had seen them at the church during Mass but assumed they were only visiting since there were only two of them. We were about to leave the reception when they began talking to us. Sister Therese (turned out she was the local superior!) began talking to my mom and Sister Krista (the Vocation Director – what a surprise) began talking to me. It was almost like they planned it (I think they strategized). Towards the end of our conversation, they invited me to their Come and See retreat (the one I just got back from). Since I was open, I immediately said “Yes.” And then I checked if I was available (I was). Pro tip: Check your availability before saying “Yes” to an invitation.

I rarely say this but the retreat was a life-changing experience. It was like Divine Intervention. (I would have never heard about this retreat if my mom and I didn’t choose food at the parish hall over heading home to rest. I would have never attended St. Tremorus had I not been involved with a local parish choir. I would have never been involved with a local parish choir had I not transferred schools.) I think this community is the one I had been searching for for so many years. They had a good balance between prayer and work and seem to radiate God’s love effortlessly. They all have generous hearts. Got good vibes from all of them (except for one but it turned out to be something small which is fine).

I was nervous when I arrived. I didn’t know if I would fit in with the other retreatants or if the clothes I packed followed their rules of modesty. I didn’t know if I would feel accepted. Mom and dad accompanied me. Sister Krista opened the door and welcomed us in as did Sister Ka, who was cooking dinner. I could either join the sisters in the chapel for prayer or help Sister Ka cook. Since she was by herself, I opted to help Sister Ka. Folks left shortly after that.

Dinner was some kind of soup that tasted like sinigang. Delicious, though. I didn’t eat much as I was more tired than hungry. Met my roomie, Ann, her sister, Elizabeth, and their friend, Megan. All three were from Pennsylvania. The rest of us trickled in from other parts of California – Sara, Sammy, Princess, Mimi, Abigail, Christy, Dara, and finally Kenny (who arrived a day later). There were 12 of us, like the 12 apostles.

Each day had a schedule that went something like the following:

0600 Rise 0630 Morning Prayer (or Mass) 0700 Icebreaker and Talk (or Morning Prayer) 0800 Mass (or Icebreaker and Talk) 0900 Private Prayer 1200 Lunch 1300 Free Time 1400 Spiritual Direction 1600 Evening Prayer 1700 Talk 1800 Dinner 1900 Recreation 2000 Talk 2200 Lights out and silence until after Mass

Day 1: The Search

Sister Lin led the talk. A few takeaways: • Ask God (or ask God what to ask for) • Be aware (of what God may be trying to tell you) • Answer (respond to God’s call) • Reflect on past experiences • Life is like a tandem bike (God in the front seat)

We also learned how to pray the Divine Office (thanks, Sister Anastasia). Nothing that new with regards to the history or its use in the Church.

After lunch, we had free time. Since Ann and I had already seen the guitar in the room we were staying in and the pianos throughout the house, we were itching to touch some music. I asked Sister Krista if we could use the piano and she said “yes” so we did. Christy began playing the piano – A Whole New World. It was fun, we all sang along, just the three of us. Eventually, I got to the piano and we just began jamming out to praise and worship. Ann has a good voice. About 30 minutes passed when the door opened and we all frantically stood up as we thought we were getting kicked out or were too noisy. Turned out that Sister Lin and Sister Rose just wanted to join us! Finished our free time just singing praise and worship.

Ann went first for Spiritual Direction so I had time to shower and pray. I was a little nervous and relaxed at the same time when it came time for my Spiritual Direction but it went very well. Wrote in more detail in my paper blog. Homework from Sister Ka is to “pray and discern.”

Day 2: The Call

Sister Anastasia gave a talk on the 4 different types of vocation (maybe I’ll do a separate post on this in the future). Didn’t really learn anything as I already knew most of this (I did my own research on this topic a long time ago haha). Heard about this awesome saint – St. Giuseppe Moscati. In another life I would be him.

Ate lunch with Sister Ka and Sister Lin (and one other sister but my memory is failing me at the moment). I finally got to talk to Sister Lin. I had seen her at other tables and wherever she was everyone was laughing. She was really chill, hilarious. Found out her brother joined the Divine Word Missionaries! Forgot to get his name though.

Had another jam session after lunch but this time the room was filled. Sara and Abigail played the piano as well. Favorite song during that session was Set A Fire (Abigail on piano, Ann on vocals, me on harmony).

Spiritual Direction was quite fruitful this time. Sister Ka used the analogy of a plant: We are all plants. The soil is our vocation. The flowers and fruits are how we impact others’ lives. However, we can’t produce flowers and fruits unless we are in the right soil. So, we need to ask God and let God find the right soil for us. Homework from Sister Ka is to “write down your fears.”

At around 1600 we had a talk by both Sister Krista and Sister Anastasia about the stages in formation: aspirancy (not all religious have this stage), postulancy, novitiate, temporary vows, perpetual vows. This talk definitely cleared some fears that I had written down. 

We had night prayers and then reconciliation (we didn’t know we would have this opportunity) during Taize. By this time I kinda got the hang of Divine Office. It’s not too bad. Since I had gone to confession only about a week ago, I had almost nothing to confess (for me it was confession --> Mass --> retreat; few opportunities to sin). Penance was to “pray 5 Hail Mary’s in Thanksgiving for the blessings you have received.” Taize was beautiful. It was led by Sister Lin and Sister Mary. After we all went to confession (or at least most of us), we pinned our sins (that we had written down on flash paper) onto a styrofoam heart wrapped in foil (which symbolizes Jesus’ heart – every time we sin we pierce His heart). We lit the flash paper but the flash paper didn’t do what it should have done – it looked more like our sins left permanent burnt marks on Jesus’ heart. The sisters rolled with it though and reassured us that that’s not how it actually is. Haha

Dinner was interesting. The day before, someone brought up the Norbertines, to which Princess responded with “Oh I love the Norbertines! They’re so holy–” and we all nodded. But she wasn’t finished with her thought “–and handsome!” to which we all cracked up. Turned out that the priest who hear our confessions was a Norbertine! We all kept on nudging Princess to go make her move and choose a seat next to him for dinner. She finally did, as did Ann and myself. Sister Krista, Sister Lin, and Sammy joined us at that table as well. 

After conversing, it turned out Father Clark Kent (it came up when we forgot his name and realized he wore a cape – like Superman) and I had mutual friends in religious life: Mother and Sister Elizabeth of the Norbertine Canonesses, Sister Veronica of the Trinitarians, and Sister Maria of the Carmelites! As for his love story with God, it was almost constant. He didn’t go into detail but he did mention that he took time to seriously discern and meet with a spiritual director. Wrote in more detail in my paper blog. Princess got a picture with Father Clark. I did, too, but only to show to our mutual friends that we had met.

Post-dinner was clean up time. Had the pleasure of assisting Sister Anastasia with cleaning the chapel (of the different options for cleaning the place, I really wanted to clean the chapel since that’s where Jesus is). Watered (more like “iced”) the poinsettias and wiped (not mopped because we didn’t use any liquid) the floors.

Day 3: The Response

This time, Mass was at 0800. Same wake up time but slightly different schedule. Learned how to pray with objects (thanks, Sister Anastasia). My object was a cabbage cutter / peeler. 

There are three parts to praying with objects:  1. Sit with the object for some time. What would the object say to you? 2. Sit with the object again for some more time. What would Jesus say to you about the object? 3. What is the overall message from praying with that object?

For me, it went something like this: 1. We are very similar. We are made in a unique way. We both were made for a specific purpose. 2. You have all you need to fulfill your purpose. However, the cabbage cutter / peeler cannot cut cabbages or peel food unless someone is holding it by its handle. Similarly, you have to let Me hold you and let Me use you to fulfill your purpose and touch lives. 3. In two words, trust God.

During breakfast, we found out that we would be on silent retreat at their prayer house (30 minutes away) and would return after dinnertime. We departed at 0915. Ann, Sara, Sammy, and I rode with Sister Lin. I got shotgun (Sister Lin didn’t want me throwing up in the backseat). Prayed the Rosary on the way then talked about confirmation saints in British accents and Piglatin (we reverted to plain American English after trying a few sentences). Sister Lin’s was Mama Mary and Ann’s was St. Catherine of Alexandria. Sara was much too young and Sammy was still undecided.

Once we arrived we had a mini tour of the outside area. Cute location. Sister Lin led some icebreaker games (my brain wasn’t awake yet so I didn’t do so well) before we went inside for Sister Ka’s talk on discernment. After everyone was finally gathered (I had to round up some people who were missing) and in the room upstairs (Sister Ka was saying we were like Jesus and the Twelve gathered in the Upper Room), Sister Ka began, “From this moment on, you cannot speak.”

A few takeaways from Sister Ka’s talk: • Discernment ≠ Decision-making: — Discernment: what God wants, involves prayer and reflection — Decision-making: what I want, is black and white   • Discernment is a habit: (B.U.T.) — Be aware: of the experience, movements of the soul, etc.; openness, let go and let God — Understand: the experience; continual reflection (how movements of the soul affect me) — Take action: responding in freedom • 7 Attitudes Required to Discern: 1. Openness 2. Generosity 3. Courage 4. Interior Freedom 5. Prayer and Reflection 6. Have priorities straight 7. Not confusing end with means • Questions for thought: Say someone wrote you a love letter and you responded to it 10 years later. How do you think that person feels with your much-delayed response? Each vocation is a love letter from God. How do you think He would feel if you delay responding to Him?

I might have a separate post on her talk. There was so much content.

Sister Ka’s talk was very insightful and offered a lot of clarity. Of all the talks we have had thus far, I benefitted most from her talk. I think it was during this talk that clarity in my call to religious life rose from 60% to 80%. Sister Nga had us each write down our B.U.T. It was during this that I found rebuttals to all the fears that I had written down. My fears were gone. 

After this talk we had personal prayer time and lunch. Lunch was lasagna. For some reason I was really hungry. Had two full plates for lunch. I was surprised at my appetite. I think Sister Krista was surprised as well. It was as if all that discernment suddenly made me physically hungry.

Per usual, we had Spiritual Direction. Ann went first. While waiting for my turn, I prayed and wrote in my paper blog. I got nothing. I think God was telling me “You already know what to do. What else is there for me to tell you?” I told Sister Ka this during my session with her (I’ll need to make a separate post strictly on my discernment during this retreat). She gave me pointers and told me to prepare for “turbulence from the evil spirit.” Homework from Sister Ka is to follow everything I had written down for my Take Action.

We had one last Adoration/Holy Hour and Divine Office with the sisters at the prayer house. The sisters had decorated the altar with a fishnet (not the pantyhose) and added paper fish and green paper boats on it around the nativity scene. We prayed Divine Office (thank you to Sister Joan for instructions). After this, Sister Krista guided us in meditation. We wrote down our fears on the boat then offered that up to God and got a paper fish. Each paper fish had a quote from Scripture. Mine was from Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer.

Considering my journey in discernment thus far, this Bible verse was very applicable to me.

Then came dinner. Dinner was another dish from their culture and, just like the previous dishes, it was delicious. Since we were so many, we had to set up another table. I put my food down at the other table and helped set it up. However, when I went to retrieve my plate, it had disappeared! I placed it right between Elizabeth and Dara. I didn’t want to get another plate since it would simply be a waste if I found my original plate. Sister Anastasia found out about it and helped me look for it. The whole time Dara and Maria were very quiet and played dumb. After spending about 5 minutes looking for my plate, Dara came up with my plate. Apparently, she had placed it on the chair right next to her and Sister Anastasia!  I was finally able to eat. At our table sat Sister Joan, Sister Lin, Christy, Ann, Sister Krista, Sister Mary, Sister Nga, and Princess (and perhaps one more retreatant? my memory is failing me). We had the majority of the sisters so it was fun. 

We left the prayer house post-dinner and headed back to the convent for a movie. Sister Lin hoped that we could do a little bit of praise and worship before the movie so Ann and I hit the showers as soon as we arrived. We were the first out. We went to our room to finish. It was during this time that I told her my intentions in terms of religious life. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I needed to tell someone other than my spiritual director. We broke the house rule of not conversing in the rooms. In doing so, we were delayed in coming down and missed our last chance to have a praise and worship session with Sister Lin. I regret telling Ann at that moment. I believe I could have held it in for a few more hours.

The movie we watched was The 4th Wise Man starring Martin Sheen (dad of Charlie Sheen who was a huge fan of Fulton Sheen, hence the change of his last name to “Sheen”). It was a good movie. We could all see ourselves in each of the characters. (Side note: If you are reading this, you should watch it. I may do another post on this movie.) Sister Krista and Sister Anastasia joined us for the movie. It was like they were babysitting children who were feasting on junk food haha.

After the movie Sister Krista bid us farewell (Sister Anastasia had already left) and said that we could hang out in the common room until 2200 but we asked her to stay. We were comfortable with her, especially since she had already seen all of our flaws and weird quirks and was comfortable with her own quirks. It became our mini sharing time. I think it was during this time that we all truly bonded. We went through several topics ranging from Princess’ attraction to Norbertine priests to how much we were going to miss each other. I rarely say this and feel this way but I truly enjoyed being in a room filled with women (rather these women) this time. Normally women maarte-ness (sorry, it’s Tagalog and I have no idea what it is in English) is too much for me but they were fine and weren’t maarte at all.

I brought up possibly doing the Camino de Santiago someday and a few of them said they would like to join me. Princess and Ann seem like they really want to do it with me. Problem is scheduling and flights. Princess isn’t that far from me so that won’t be a problem but she doesn’t regularly work out so she may not be fit to join. Ann lives far away and is basically in grad school so the timing may never work out. If God wills it, it will happen. (I say this but I honestly really hope doing the Camino de Santiago is something God wants me to do, too)

We finally hit the sack at 2300 and that was the end of our last full day of retreat.

Day 4: The Offering

Morning was pretty much the same despite the few differences. We were allowed to sleep in an extra 30 minutes. However, Sister Marlene accidentally rang the bell at 0600 so we didn’t really sleep in (it’s fine though as we had already awaken on our own before the bell was rung). Sister Anastasia rang the bell again at 0630. 

Another retreatant sat where I usually sit for Divine Office so I was a little disoriented. If Divine Office was an exam and not a prayer, I failed miserably. Btw, that thing psychologists tell you about sitting in one spot of the classroom and taking an exam at the same spot helps you remember things more is very true (exam tip!).

After Divine Office, we had one last talk. This time, it was by Sister Krista and it was on our offering to God. She related our offering to God to the process of gift-giving (it is a process, afterall). A few points: • When you give someone a gift, you try to figure out what they like and/or what kind of things they appreciate. The kind of gift you give is based on that person’s likes and dislikes. Same goes with God: what you offer Him is something He would truly appreciate. — Would you offer Him money? He doesn’t need that. He can have all the money in the world. Heck, He can make money grow on trees (He is the Creator) — Would you offer Him your favorite food? He doesn’t need that. — Offer Him your life and become an extension of His hands and feet to help Him touch others. • Cup of Tea example: A tea bag has no use until it is placed in water. But not just water at any temperature (cold would work but it would take a while). Hot water. When a tea bag is placed in hot water, what happens? The hot water mixes with the contents of the tea bag and makes tea. The tea bag doesn’t make tea on its own. The hot water makes tea. Similarly, sometimes we need to be put in “hot water” before we can produce something beautiful.

Breakfast was leftovers which was great since I enjoyed all the food that was previously served the past few days. Also great because it shows that they actually care about not wasting food. They try not to waste anything – quick story: Sister Lin (or Sister Anastasia?) offered me a napkin. I refused and said “I don’t want to waste it as I might not need it.” So that sister ripped hers in half and said “Yeah, we typically split ours with each other so that we won’t waste napkins.”

Post-breakfast was our Emmaus walk – choose a buddy and walk and talk about your journey with Jesus. As you probably expected, Ann was my buddy. I wish I could share the things we talked about but those are confidential. I will say this though: we both grew spiritually. The retreat was fruitful for both of us. We are grateful. We finished in time to attend Mass (walking in with Sister Marlene and Sister Ono 2 minutes before Mass began).

We walked into our section (2nd or 3rd row of the right middle section facing the altar). I sat next to Abigail (who apparently was hoping I would be able to sit next to her? nothing against it but I don’t think I’m that exciting haha). After we got situated, I looked around and guess who I saw in the first row? Sister Felicia! During one of the previous meals at the convent, I brought up Sister Felicia and her love story with Jesus as it was similar to someone else’s love story. To see her at St. Tremorus was the most surprising thing. Before Mass began, the cantor suggested we stand and greet one another. In the process, I made I contact with Sister Felicia, who looked like she was trying to figure out if I truly was Mila. For a second, it seemed like she was confident it was me and I saw a glimmer of surprise in her face but it quickly faded. I knew straightaway who she was (especially since I had just told someone about her) so I smiled. She still had the grouchy disposition she has always had, though. Oh well. 

Sister Ka was right in warning me about turbulence. I found it very difficult to stay focused during Mass. There was a family with small (and very active) children directly in front of me so it was easy for me to get distracted. I survived, though.

Lunch was a little sad as it was our very last meal where we would all be together. 

Sometime after lunch, we had our time for sharing. We each went around saying a few words (or a lot of words) about our experience during the retreat. Some had fallen away from the faith but the retreat renewed their faith. Others found out they were called to religious life. Still others found they were not called to religious life. It was a different experience for everyone. Although it was not my intention (I was just so focused on listening), I went last. I had my words formulated at the beginning of the gathering but I had forgotten them by the end. I had a few words: joy, clarity, and peace. 

After our sharing, the sisters instructed us to come closer together and leave some room behind us enough for someone to pass by. We did but as soon as we got together, we realized that the sisters were going to give us blessings. Sister Krista said “So now, we would like to give you a gift. A gift of prayer. We will give you each a blessing like this *puts hands on someone’s shoulders* and will whisper to you things that we noticed about you and words God would like to say to you.” We all scooted closer together and passed around the box of tissues. We already knew that we might cry. We closed our eyes and waited. 

It took some time before someone came to me as I was the furthest from the sides of the room. For each person that prayed over me, I knew who it was as soon as their hands touched my shoulders: Sister Ono, Mother Superior, Sister Ka, Sister Krista, and Sister Anastasia. Not all the sisters were available (some had left the previous night to lead a retreat and others had to prepare the next meal). I didn’t cry during the laying of hands but I did right after. They had prepared some gifts for each of us: baby Jesus (Sister Krista said “the greatest gift of all!”), a card saying that they had included us in their Christmas novena (I’m so glad they did), and a glass jar of succulents from the garden (again, we’re all plants in God’s garden). 

By this time, my parents had arrived (I found out they had been welcomed to the Coventry by Mother Superior). It was 1630 on the dot. We all hugged each other and shed a few tears before we let go. Princess started a group hug for me before I left. Ran upstairs to grab my things and to the chapel to grab my phone. Took a few pictures. Our faces showed that we had been crying. Got most of their numbers and we promised to keep in touch.

And that was the last day.

Thanks for reading.

[screechingobservationdeer-blog]

A Story I Guess.

I wrote this a while ago and thought I might as well put it here, maybe someone will enjoy it!

Not really based on any fandom, just my own brainchild!

I sloppily pushed my way through the crowd, heading over to the counter.  Moping and mumbling to myself as I pulled out one of the leather covered stools and plopped down.  I then practically collapsed over the counter, resting my chin on the polished wood.  I sat and let the fermenting maelstrom of self pity run wild in my head.  Harold spotted me from across the room through flocks of customers, and he detected what was going on instantly.

Harold was great, and still sharp as a nail after all those years.  I’ve known him all of his life.  He started out as an ornery little kid, and then transformed to valedictorian of his class at the Vvidderikt College.  After that he worked as an architect in the high end part of the Vvidderikt residential district.  He got married and became a father, he retired and became a grandfather, he opened a bar and was soon to be a great-grandfather.

But all of that was just part of why I was moping.  Harold was reaching the end of his days, but I could accept that.  That is just a natural part of life, and he will go to a better place with the gods that he worshiped.  I was sitting and moping because I knew that I would never get that chance.  After all, it was my two-hundred and fiftieth birthday.

That was just a number, a label of age that truly meant nothing to me.  My body hasn’t aged since I was twenty-two, no changes except for a few new scars.  That is just part of the pain of not dying.  I just have to sit and watch as those around me start to deteriorate, and there is nothing that I can do about it.  You can try to fight with bronze and steel, but old age can’t be killed with a blade.  You can’t shoot holes in disease with a bow, or block senility with a shield.  That is part of why I became a Temple Guard in the first place.  After the first few attacks by the marauders organized under Mr. Noir something became clear to me.  I didn’t want to fight with weapons, but instead I wanted to help people.  I had enough fighting foreign armies, I wanted to stay home and protect the people that mattered to me.  Unfortunately I had absolutely no medical experience, so the best I could do in terms of helping people was guard the temple.  Not that I weren’t grateful for the opportunity, after all becoming a Temple Guard was one of the highest achievements that one could receive.  That job meant that I could directly help the people I served while also protecting the temple, which was a place of healing for all within the city limits and beyond.  Of course none of that matters now.  All I am is a drifter with a good swinging arm.

Harold finally made his way over, his warm and kind eyes looking into your thoughts as usual.

“Hello Mr. Finch, long time no see,” I said in a low and wavering tone.  Of course Harold always got down to the point, so he skipped the formalities on his end.

“Whenever ye waddle in ‘ere mopin’ like this ye just end up drinkin’ n’ lookin’ sad in the corner.  ‘Fore I give ye any sort of drinks you are going to tell me what is going on inside that noggin’ of y’ers, eh miss?” He said, wiggling his eyebrows around with every syllable.

“It is the two-hundred and twenty fifth anniversary,” I said quietly while stealthily trying to reach for a mug.  Of course he saw me reaching and grabed the mug’s splintered old handle, tossing it across the room like one would skip a rock on a lake.

“Ain't people meant to get wize wit’ old age? If ye were wize I doubt ye would be mopin’ in ‘ere ‘stead of gettin’ out der an’ doin’ sometin’ worth while!  Why do ye drink anyway, not only can ye not get drunk but ye also never buy anythin’ that ye like! If ye ‘ave to sit in ‘ere and drink, least get somethin’ that ye like!”

“I’ll take an apple spice mead,” I said quietly, looking down at the counter.  Harold shook his head slowly, then walked off.  He was right about not being able to get drunk by the way, I don’t know why I get alcohol either.  I suppose it was more of a novelty after all these years, to try and make me feel normal.

Harold came back moments later with a dark colored, unquarked bottle.  The smell of cinnamon wafted up out and around me, both calming but also making me lose myself in thought.  I took a sip and slowly eased back onto the counter, suddenly feeling a bit of a headache.  This is when I went back.

~ 227 Years Ago ~

.oO 1348 AMC Oo.

The smell of cinnamon flowed through the breeze, being carried along with the pink cherry petals that slowly fell from every tree lining the market square.  The warm summer sun glowed down on the crowds that gathered around shops and tents set up by the caravans.  One of the tents sent smoke from incense and candles throughout the square, while another had fresh bakery bread whose smell drew in crowds from the surrounding streets.

On that day I had come to the market with my brother, the two of us were looking for something to commemorate my acceptance into the Temple Guard.  Of course he had scampered off to some other corner of the market, probably to buy some food or chase after a friend of his.  I slowly made my way through the market, occasionally stopping to look at some things that caught my eye.

The market was always beautiful at that time in summer.  Trade caravans from the east and the south would come with their jewels and fine silks and fill the square with tents.  All of the people that came from the east were incredibly interesting to me.  When they come to sell things in the city, no two objects are the same.  Each piece made by them was different, it had it’s own character and personality.  Not only that, but the people themselves were always quite the characters.  They spoke like the merchants they were, incredibly outgoing but not always the most… reliable.

Eventually I made my way to the far end of the square, near the canal.  It seemed like an opportune spot to wait while my older brother had his escapade in the maze of tents.  Every time I went to those spots I lost myself in thought, just thinking about the grandeur of the city in which I lived.  That was the way that anyone who lived the grand city thought, each one of us filled with an immense pride of where we lived.

Our great city was home to the strongest armies of the known world.  We were the peacekeepers between the North and the South.  Within our city walls, you would be safe from any pain of the outside world.  It was the only place that Northerners and Southerners were able to come in contact without trying to gut each other like hogs.  Not only that but it was the stronghold that was meant to repel any invasion, and it did that many times during the end of the second era.

The immortal legions stood always ready to defend against an invasion from our sister continent.  As far as we knew, the armies on Kahlvolken had been crushed long ago during the second era, but even during the third era people still uttered the name with fear.  Many of the legions and guard regiments of old were disbanded, and the ones that still stood were mainly for guarding the people of a non-existent fear.  There were others that became a sort of military police.  Many of the old regiments started to guard the city, and do the duties of normal law keepers.  There were only two listings that were never regarded as legions or regiments, that was the Royal Guard and the Temple Guard.

The Royal Guard served the obvious purpose of protecting the royal family, whom often found themselves in a number of sticky situations.  The guards used a variety of weapons but almost always carried a shield, and they sported the regal colours of red and gold.  The Royal Guards were considered to be an elite fighting force, rivaled by only one.

The Temple Guards served the purpose of guarding the temple, which would have been impossible to tell from the name alone.  They were made up of seven guards at a time.  The regiment was split into two groups which were each commanded by a watcher.  The group I was to be put in was the “Left Flank,” which was under the control of guard Halen.  The other was the “Right Flank,” under the control of guard Tem’ir.  Atop the whole merry band was the Grand Temple Guard, who was ironically the only one that no one actually knew.  He or she guarded the very inner sanctum of the temple, where all of the magical artifacts and ancient knowledge of our ancestors was kept.  This was the one place of the temple that no one was allowed to enter.  Not even the other guards.

Regardless, the canals were always a beautiful spot to stop and rest.  The sun lightly shone through the diaphanous leaves of the birches and blooming cherry trees.  The cool spring water was as clear as as air, allowing me to see hundreds of shimmering coins painting the bottom of the canal.  I took off my steel cuffed boots, and laid them to the side.  I then slowly dipped my feet in the river, the cool tingling helping me to relax and enjoy the scenery.

After about an hour my brother came back with a few different things from the market, mainly being food of course.  After a brief staring competition, the two of us decided to drop off the spoils back at the house, then go out to get something to eat.  About an hour later we found ourselves back in the market, but not to wonder about.

It was easily spotted among the other shops because of the gigantic red flag waving in the wind up above the tent.  As soon as I spotted it the smell hit me, the boiling vats of noodles, rice, and chicken broth.  Then the second wave of smells hit, the just out of the oven bread crust, the fresh vegetables, and finally the sweet smell of the honey basted beef.  Sha Vida’s soup stand was open for business.  As soon as me and my brother stopped drooling over the thought of what awaited, we looked into eachothers eyes for a moment.  It was a challenge, one we had done for so long that the words didn’t even need to be said.  Once our eyes locked, it was on.  Last one to Sha’s has to pay for both meals.

That was the tradition, ever since we were kids.  Our father always said we should become independent as soon as possible, so instead of feeding us he told us to get our own food with allowance money.  We would always save up so we could come to Sha’s, and since money was limited we made bets.  Whoever made it through the front of the tent first got their meal for free, at the expense of the other of course.

We were both of with a dash, giving everyone around us a bit of a startle.  The steel spikes on our boots failing to dig into the cobbled and uneven surface of the square.  We zoomed past countless numbers of pedestrians going about their day, some even dropping their baskets or drinks in fright.  As we came closer to the tent my brother began to stumble, crouching down and wildly flailing his arms while still shuffling forward.  The tent was only moments away.

As usual we both came in to the stand a little too hot, me tripping on a rope and my brother knocking over a stool.  But that was fine, because I won.  Sha was used to this, she had been putting up with it since we were little.  There were already a number of other patches and holes where I had run right through the cloth covering of the tent.  Without batting an eye, or really caring at all that I had fallen again, Sha began to pour two new bread bowls.  The usual order was a bread bowl with rice broth, broccoli, carrots, and honey beef.  The dish was also never complete without Sha’s special sauce, which she would always serve in a separate dish so that we could pick how much we wanted.  She only gave one dish between the two of us, so we always fought over the sauce.  Ever since I could talk I swore up and down that this food was made by a living god.

The two of us sat quietly and ate while Sha went of to deal with some other customers.  I didn’t feel like talking much, I were too nervous for tomorrow.  Then again it isn’t like I could have talked if I wanted too, I were too busy stuffing my face with liquid gold.  After I finished drinking down the rice broth I moved on to eating the bread bowl, the bowl’s suffering was over quickly.  After I finished, I sat and looked down at the table.  Brother looked over, and he knew exactly what I were feeling.  He had gone through a similar process two years ago, when he was taken into the Royal Guard.

Nobody in the city knew my face, but everyone knew my name.  I was the talk of the entire country, seeing as I had completed an incredible feat.  A new Temple Guard had not been chosen in almost sixty years, so it was a big deal.  By the end of tomorrow I would be one of the most well known people in the city of over two-hundred thousand.  That kind of pressure was immense, because tomorrow I would be ceremonially accepted into the Temple Guard.  I would have to stand in front of the crowd and impress over four-hundred thousand people.  Not only would the entire city be watching, but almost every province around would be packing the streets.

“You know, it really isn’t that bad,” my brother said in a calm voice, “you start out scared that you will let them down, but once you get there it changes.  What you expect to feel is the combined scrutiny of all of those people, but what you really get in the combined gratitude and respect.  You can feel them thanking you, after all you are devoting your life to protect the thing that every man, woman, and child in this country is wholeheartedly devoted too.”

This is when Sha tuned in, “He’s right you know.  The ceremony is meant to celebrate the new guard, and every year it is nothing but love towards the person in that shiny new armor.  Your brother does know what he is talking about, even if the Royal Guard ceremony is a bit… smaller.”

Brother gave a sideways glance at Sha before continuing, “You are right to think that you will be judged by the city to some regard, but if you were strong and sound enough to make it into the guards, then I doubt that anyone in that crowd will be able to find one thing wrong with you.”

“Thank you, Kal,” I said as I smiled up at my brother.

“Don’t worry little sis, if someone does find something bad to say I will always be here to smack them up a little,” he smirked at the thought, obviously joking about that last remark.  If he were caught doing something like that he would be discharged in a heartbeat.

It was obvious that he was trying to make me feel better, and I don’t think he lied, but it still seemed like he was playing down just how much of a klutz I am.  What he doesn’t understand is that I wasn’t scared that the crowd will not like my personality, in reality I was just scared of tripping or dropping my shield.

The two of us decided it was time to go home, I had to make sure that I got good sleep for the next day.  Seeing as he lost the race, Kal started grudgingly digging coins out of his pocket.  He flipped six coins onto the counter and started to thank Sha for her unending hospitality, but Sha refused the coins.

“You are going to need a good meal tonight if you want to function right during the ceremony,” she said, “this one is on the house, just think of it as a commemorative gift.”

I thank her, Kal scooped back his coins, and the two of us walked down the slowly darkening street.  By the time Kal and I got home, all of the street lamps had been lit, and the busy denizens of the afternoon had turned into snoring potato sacks.  Father had already gone to bed, so the two of us parted our ways and went to our rooms.  I changed out of my clothes to something more comfortable, and as soon as my head hit the pillow I had already fallen asleep.

~ The Next Day ~

.oO 1348 AMC Oo.

The next day was a blur.  I woke up, had some eggs that Kal got in the market the day before, polished my armour, and made my way to the banner complex.  The complex was at the footstep of the temple mountain, and was made easy to see by the fact that it spanned over four square miles and had towers over eighty yards tall.  Luckily for me most of this was filled with seating, and made it so that I didn’t have to walk very far to the center during the ceremony itself.  The actual point of the complex (when not in use as a gathering center for large events) was for artificial combat training.  The complex was meant to be large enough to wage all out wars in.

As I made my way down the main street there were hundreds of people lined up and down the pavement.  They may not have known what I looked like before, but now that I was sporting the armour on there was no mistaking.  I was the new Temple Guard, and everyone wanted to get a good look at me as I walked to the complex.  Most of the people on the street were those that would be unable to attend the main ceremony, or simply couldn’t get in because it was too crowded.

During the entire trip to the complex I could only think about one thing, the nerves that were slowly building within me.  Of course I had other curiosities as well, especially about what the job would be like after the ceremony was over.  I was nervous, but I was even more excited.

As I walked past the entrance where all of the watchers would be coming through I saw a familiar brightly coloured red flag sticking up through the mob.  Sha had set up her soup tent right at the entrance, and how she had gotten it there I will never know.  Not only was she selling soup at a rate I had never before seen, but she was selling signs for the members of the crowd to hold.  There were various signs, all of which had soup advertisements either hidden or in plain sight.  One blatantly read, “Come eat at Sha Vida’s soup tent! Where the Temple Guards go!”  I waved at her, and she tried to wave back.  The arm that she tried to wave with was holding a bunch of dirty dishes that she was cleaning, and their contents spilled on to the floor as she waved.  I smiled and pressed on.

Eventually I got to the gate of the complex, which had been barricaded to prevent more people from entering.  It was sporting the temple colours, the long and plain blue flags fluttering in the wind.  I approached the gate, which was being kept by the 31st Legion Guards.  One of the guards took a look over me and signaled to the other.  They parted their halberds to let me pass through.  As I first walked into the gate, I was still under the seating.  I could hear the creaking and moaning of the wood, being stressed by the thousands of people sitting above.  I made my way through the network of support beams and rope ties to the actual entrance to the grounds on which I would finally be a member of the Temple Guard.  Beyond that gate there were hoards of people awaiting me to walk through, and I was as nervous as ever.  I sat and waited for my name to be called.

I could hear talking on the other side of the gate, one of the other guards was giving a speech.  It was guard Halen, one of the older members.  He stood on a stage, with the crowd all around him and spoke.

“Today is a day of recognition, for the newest member of the Temple Guard, for Zheshi Umbranox.  She and her family have always had the blood of a guardian in them.  As far back as their family history has recorded, they have been protectors.  Their family tree has had members in the 212th, the 425th, the 41st, the 94th, and even have history in the original Temple Guards.  Not to forget that her brother, Khalizar Umbranox, was accepted into the Royal Guard.  It goes without further explanation that it is in her blood, but there is more than that.  She has a fire within her, a fire to help protect those that she loves, and even those that she doesn’t.  She is the kind of person to protect everyone in this city and beyond, from the worst to the best.  She has it within her to be a strong warrior, but even stronger in mind.  A protector of beliefs, a safekeeper of everything dear.  She stands not just to protect the temple, but also all of those that visit it, whether they are there at the time or not. A guardian of both body and mind.  Would Zheshi please enter the stage.”

After hearing that speech, I was even more nervous that I would not live up to the expectations of everyone that would be watching.  The gate which I was behind started to open.  It felt like it was moving slower than a snail, but that was probably just me.  I checked myself over again, just growing more and more nervous by the second.

The gate was open, and now I could see everything before me.  The complex had been made into a small area for the ceremony.  It had a covering carpet of fresh green grass, and had a ring of short hedges where the trees used to be (probably so the crowd could see over them).  The water supply from the temple ran through the ground in a number of channeled streams, making an elaborate design in the shallow rock.  Standing in the center of the water sigil was Halen, looking towards me, waiting.  I started to walk.

This was the moment when I realized that Kal was right, every bit of nervousness was gone.  I looked at the faces of those around me and realized that they were not judging my worthiness, but they were cheering me on.  As I walked down the path I looked around at the thousands gathered, and then looked to the front row.  There were three faces that stuck out.  My father was sitting and smiling, waving to me.  A little bit further over were Sha and Kal.  Sha was holding one of the “Where the Temple Guard eats!” signs.  Kal had made his own sign though, it read “Don’t trip and fall, little sis.” Pfft, typical.

I finally made it up to Halen, who smiled at me.  I remembered what he was like during my selection and training, and it was quite different than this.  He was always in the back corner, and never really talked to me.  I think he didn’t trust me, or just didn’t much like outsiders seeing the training area.  Now his tone had changed, it seemed that since I was officially a guard now, he could trust me.  He started to speak again in his low, brassy tone.

“I give you Zheshi, the newest of the guard.” He said the words softly as he opened a box on the marble and golden sandstone pedestal.  Inside the blue cloth covered box was a staff, which he handed to me.  As he placed it in my hands he whispered, “You are really one of the Temple Guard now, never forget what really matters, the people we serve.”

He gestured for me to stand at attention with the staff.  I pulled my feet together and smacked the butt end of the staff on the ground.  The crowd applauded, and then Halen spoke again, “This concludes the ceremony, thank you all.”  Short and sweet, never to opulent but enough that people can enjoy it.  That was how all temple related events were.

I made your way back through the gate, and down under the stands.  That is when I got tackled.  Kal had come out of nowhere, and gave me a massive bear hug.  In the background Sha was bouncing up and down on her heels.  After not being able to breath for about ten seconds too long, Kal let go.  He backed up, with his usual wild grin, and pulled a leather bag from around his back.  He opened it up, and reached his hand into the small pouch.  From the leather he pulled two necklaces, and held them in his hand.  They were matching, each inscribed with the Peregrine Falcon.  This was not only the city’s bird, but it happened to be the family bird as well.  He handed me one of them, the light silver chain dropping into my hand.  The falcon itself was carved from a luminescent blue crystal, and was surrounded by bone claw inlays.  The other necklace he still held was matching, and he began to speak.

“We are both protectors of the city now, which means that we may not be able to see each other much with the shifts. I got these at the market yesterday because they seemed like something that you would like, and I wanted to get something that we could both use to remind ourselves of each other.  I’m sorry for deserting you at the market yesterday, but I wanted these to be a surprise.  Just remember what this symbolizes, we may not be able to see each other much but we have to always be there for the other.”

“Thank you,” I said, starting to tear up a little.

“I love you sis,” he said while wrapping his arms around me and hugging me again.

~ Two Years Later ~

.oO 1350 AMC Oo.

It was the third day of the official winter season, and everything had been normal the day before.  There was an increasing frequency of Marauder attacks in the outer villages, and they were growing their forces.  People were becoming increasingly worried that they would make a drastic move, like trying to attack one of the larger cities on the outskirts of the country.  It was my shift as the gate guard for the temple.

It was cold outside, and the snow had just begun to fall.  Everyone was packing things into their homes in preparation for a massive blizzard that was supposedly coming.  I held my staff and watched to make sure that no weapons were being smuggled into the temple, but that was very rare.  There was a steady stream of the homeless who either just needed a place to stay or were suffering from frostbite.  Other than this the temple was mostly empty.

Everyone was awaiting the return of the 41st Elite attack battalion, who were supposed to be back almost a week ago.  Some said that they had just been held back by a storm, but others proposed that they had been killed by Noir’s troops.  That was something that everyone was scared of these days.  This city was one of the most secure places on the planet, but everyone was scared.  There were recent reports of Noir’s forces raiding one of the ocean citadels, which is said to have been blown to bits.  I didn’t really believe these reports, for two reasons.  One was that ocean citadels are meant to repel full scale naval invasions, and are built a mile off the coast almost entirely out of steel reinforced stone.  The second reason was that marauders get seasick.

It was getting increasingly cold by the minute, so I was glad that my armour had a fur lining.  The snow was drifting slowly down, and it was almost mesmerizing.  I started to stop and think to myself how Kal was doing.  I was fairly certain that it was his shift as palace guard that day.  Then again it is also possible that he was moved to gate guard, in which case he would probably be home late.  I really wanted him to get back home, because I needed to talk to him.

We had a massive argument the day before, and I needed to apologise.  He was trying to tell me that he was moving out of the house, and I tried to keep him with me at the family residence.  He had found a girlfriend and wanted to move in with her, but I was being selfish.  I knew that too, but at the time I was too angry to think.  I made a big show of how “apparently he didn’t love me anymore,” and “he never wanted a sibling.”  Both of these things were completely selfish, outrageous, and under the belt, I know that now.  At the end of it all I had taken my necklace and thrown it into the canal.

All day that was all I could think about during guard duty.  I wanted so bad to get home and see Kal so that I could apologize.  Right before my shift I even dove back down into the freezing canal water so that I could retrieve the necklace.  It was the worst thing I had done in a while, and I had to make up for it somehow.

Eventually I got off of my shift, and went into the market square.  I wanted to find some things for Kal, as part of the apology.  What I ended up finding was two well-cut steaks and a glove that was fitted with Damascus Steel.  He had been looking at that glove for a while.  It was only for the right hand, but had a beautiful pattern and was made for picking up hot materials.  Kal had been trying to get into smithing and jewelcrafting some lately.  He had made a few good things but not much that was worthwhile.  Now that he had this glove though it would be much easier for him to work with the hot metal.

Once I had packed up all of the loot I found, I walked past the messenger station just in time for them to start screaming.

“The 41st has just been spotted over the hill,” they started with, “they should be at the gates within the hour!”

That would probably mean that Kal would transfer to the gates even if  he was not already there.  That way he could help them enter, besides, lots of people were going to gather there to watch the 41st march in.  I would have probably gone anyway, but since Kal might have been there I had to go.  It would be a perfect time to give him what I had found.

I was about halfway to the gate when I felt it.  I could just feel that something was wrong.  I looked up through the snow and darkening clouds, and saw a column of smoke billowing up from the gate.  I broke into an all out sprint, dropping the steaks somewhere on the way.  As I sprinted I threw the glove over my head and into my bag, put on the necklace, and took out my staff.  As I got closer and closer I could hear the sounds of combat over the horizon.  Once I was almost over the hill, the snow started to pick up into an all out blizzard.  Then I finally crest the hill, expecting to see some sort of attack by the marauders.

What I saw shocked me.  The Royal Guards and the 31st were fighting against the 41st.  Then I started to notice all of the strange things about the 41st.  Not only were many of their uniforms torn, but so were the people inside them.  Many of them seemed to have injuries that should have killed them, even as far as exposed bones.  One particularly gruesome case had a missing rib cage all together.

That was when I saw the person that I despise to this day.  Noir was calmly striding through the back of the 41st ranks.  He was dressed in a heavy set of armor that was black as obsidian, it looked like oil was leaking from it.  The ground turned black wherever he stepped, and he scraped his blade through the snow as he dragged it along.  The blade was a khopesh, with a nasty and serrated curved blade.  The sword itself looked as if it was liquid, dropping thick blobs of a black viscous fluid wherever it went.

Eventually I saw Kal in the madness, he had grabbed the heads of two soldiers and was bashing them together.  I focused on my staff, and used it the way I best liked.  The staff separated into two blades, and I took one in each hand.  Each blade had an inscription on it, one read Talon, and the other read Claw.  I made my way spinning and slashing through the hordes of 41st until I got within yelling distance of Kal.  I shouted his name into the distance, while still hacking and stabbing at the various soldiers that tried to get near me.

Time froze during that fight.  It was like I was suspended in time, remembering every little detail.  The first thing I saw was the spear, black like the night and leaving an oily trail as it flew through the air.  It was curving down, the sharp point glinting in what little light there was, snowflakes sticking to it.  The next thing I saw was Kal, he locked eyes with me.  He was covered in frost and blood, with the snow swirling around him.  Every piece of his white gold and steel armour was glittering like crystals.

He looked at me, then looked down at the necklace I was wearing.  I could see him grinning through the helmet, but that only made it worse.  He didn’t see the spear sailing through the air.  I couldn’t scream, I had froze like the snow falling on my head.  Eventually he looked up to see it, only half a second before it hit him in the chest.

It was like the spear ignored his armour all together, just gliding right through.  He fell backwards and the spear with him, nailing him to the wall.  The falcon on his neck glided forward and onto the shaft of the spear, glinting in faint light and beginning to be covered with frost.  That is when my mouth finally opened, shouting silently into the frozen storm.  Tears started to stream from my eyes as a pool of crimson started to mix with the snow under him.

I stepped forward, every inch of my body tense.  Eventually I made my way through the crowd to where he was lying.  I no longer fought, just walked slowly through the combat, trapped in my own world.  There was blood seeping through the various cracks of his armour, slowly dripping down the front.  It left marks on the golden polished surface of his chestpiece, streaming down past his kilt into little puddles in the snow.

I slowly reached out and grabbed his weapon from the ground.  It shrunk in my hand, becoming a knife which I put my bag.  Then I reached out.  My hand started to rub against the cold silver chain of the necklace.  I closed my fingers around the blood covered surface of the amulet that dangled down from the shaft of the spear.  I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing.  I looked down at his crumpled body against the wall.

~ 250 Years Later ~

.oO 1670 AMC Oo.

“That was the moment that would scar me for the rest of my days.  When I saw him lying in the snow with a dead look in his eyes, defiled, it was a symbol.  It was like watching my patron, the falcon, bleed out.  It was someone I always thought to be invincible, and watching him bleed was unimaginable.  Then it happened, then I watched the falcon, my brother, Kal, die right there.  It was the worst pain I ever felt, or will ever feel for that matter.

The rest of that battle was a blur, I don’t remember anything.  All I can tell you is that more enemy troops came, and that the city was destroyed.  Noir was not someone who wanted fame, or money, he just wanted death.  Every citizen that was found, was subsequently slaughtered.  That was the end of my people, and the end of my life as someone who could feel joy.”

This is what I told Harold.  Everyone else had cleared out of the tavern, and the fire was crackling to a halt.  He poured me another drink, then poured one for himself.  His eyes were glazed over, and he was entranced in the story.  He really changed over the course of my speaking, at first he still seemed disappointed, but as I talked he gained a new understanding.

“I… I never really understood that, I’m sorry ab’oot what I said to ye.  But why hadn’t ye said anythin’ to me ab’oot this earlier?” Harold said in a light tone, with a sorrowed look on his face.

“Because, now I’ve made up my mind on what I am going to do next.”

“And what’ll that be lass?”

I locked eyes with him, the sadness in my mind being replaced with anger.  I clasped the two swords on my sides.  One of which was mine, the other Kal’s.

“I am going to hunt down Noir.  To my last breath.”