#trying to balance my style and being simple is harder than it should be LOL

[joobiesarts]

[wolfess19]

Beach Ritual

[Disclaimer: Obey Me! is copyright of NTT Solmare - I do not own anything other than the story created below]

“Feels good to be back in the Human World, isn’t it?”

You turn your head to Lucifer and smile. “I still can’t believe you actually convinced Lord Diavolo to let us spend the weekend here,” you said as you looked out at the lapping waves in the distance, “It’s been so long since my last beach visit.”

“Not just any beach, mind you,” he reminded, waving his hand towards the luxury resort behind you, “I believe it’s only fair we relax in style.”

You couldn’t agree more – these past few weeks in the Devildom as one of the human exchange students could get tiring at times, and this isn’t from making sure you aren’t another demon’s next meal. The resort before you is massive – palm trees swaying gently in the sea breeze as they lean in slight angles on fine, golden sand; little bamboo huts topped with straw roofs dotted the shore, providing shade for those who do not wish to spend too much time in the sun; lounge chairs close by for those who would be in the open, large parasols either open or closed depending on who would prefer to sunbathe. Behind this beach are a row of white buildings lined up along a marble catwalk – condominiums with balconies on the top floors as well as a shaded roof for those who’d prefer a panoramic view of the location.

“Well, we’re not going to stand here all day,” Lucifer reminded, “Let’s settle in.” You nodded and picked up your luggage as you walked over to one of the condominiums. Almost immediately the sound of two of the brothers could be heard as you opened the door.

“As the second eldest, I believe I should get the fancy room with a balcony overlooking the beach!”

“That’s not fair, I got to this room first!”

You and Lucifer shared a sigh as Mammon and Levi argued on who gets to have one of the rooms on the second floor. “Should we try to break up the argument or...” you trailed off, seeing Leviathan eventually give up and head to another room instead, “Never mind.”

You padded up the stairs with Lucifer – personally you’d also like a room with a balcony, but having just a beach view from your window is perfectly fine. You had just started to change out of your jeans and blouse when your door burst open. “Hey, MC! Let’s – GAH!!” Mammon started before turning around abruptly, hiding the blush from his face, “Sorry!!”

“Couldn’t you knock first?!” you scolded as you stood half-naked by your bed. “R-Right, I’ll just...wait outside,” he stuttered as he closed the door, thankful Lucifer isn’t standing nearby to see this. “What do want anyway?” you asked as you picked out a change of clothes from your bag. “Well, I was thinking...uh...” he replied, still flustered from seconds ago, “You know what, I think I’ll ask later.”

“You just walked in on them mid-change, didn’t you?” Leviathan teased, laughing as Mammon blushed harder. “We just got here and already you two are being troublesome,” Lucifer growled, though secretly amused at Mammon’s embarrassment. “It’s fine,” you assured, “He probably got too excited anyway.”

You opened the door to find they’ve all changed into their beach attire. Mammon has on a simple black-and-white tank top over loose black shorts with gold palm tree silhouettes; Leviathan wore a multi-shade blue muscle shirt over Goku-inspired beach shorts. Lucifer, being modest as always, decided to wear a crimson-and-black Hawaiian button down over loose black beach pants; the buttons on his blouse were half-open, revealing a hint of his bare chest underneath.

You decided to go with [choice of top] and [choice of bottom] in your favorite color(s). “I feel under-dressed compared to you guys,” you giggled. “Don’t be silly, you look good!” Mammon assured, “Not as good as me, though!”

“Seriously, stop hogging all the attention...” Levi muttered, “Any more of that and you might as well be Asmo right now.”

“Did someone call my name?” a voice floated from the first floor. You looked down over the stair railing to see Asmodeus smiling up at you. He’s already changed into a dusty pink loose top over black-and-pink Hawaiian shorts. “Beel’s already started cooking breakfast, so I thought I should call you over while it’s still hot.”

You were already rushing down the stairs as he was speaking, knowing Beelzebub would most likely already start chowing down before anyone came over.; followed him to the condominium next door. The fresh smell of bacon and eggs wafted through the air, combined with a meaty note of handmade burger patties as they sizzled in a pan. “Could someone go ahead and wake Belphie up?” Beel asked, knowing his twin had already decided to take a quick nap in his room upon arrival, “I’m almost done cooking.”

“I got him,” you offered as you headed upstairs to Belphie’s room, finding him asleep in the middle of unpacking his luggage. You gently nudged his shoulder until his violet eyes opened. “Oh...morning, MC...” he greeted sleepily, “I meant to get changed, but this bed looks so soft – I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, get up and get changed already,” you giggled, “Breakfast is ready downstairs.” He nodded and sat up, yawning loudly as you left his room. You headed back down just in time to catch Beelzebub serving stacks of pancakes on a large plate. “Need some help?” you offered as he started carrying them to the table. “Sure, you could grab the other stack on the counter,” he replied. You looked back at the tall pile of pancakes before carefully lifting the plate; walked slowly to avoiding dropping anything.

Breakfast time is conversational as usual, though minus anything to do with RAD as per Lucifer’s request – he admitted that while he didn’t mind handling Student Council matters, it actually feels nice to not do any work for a change. “You’re telling me! Sure is refreshing to see you finally chilling with all of us,” Mammon agreed. “Kind of rare to see you all-relaxed and stuff,” Levi joined in. “Oh please,” Lucifer snickered, “I’m not always that busy.”

“Sorry we’re late!” Satan apologized as he showed up with Belphegor, “I got distracted by a new book I got.” The former had gotten into a Cuban blouse over matching pants, while the latter decided to wear a loose multi-shade indigo shirt over navy blue beach shorts; carrying his pillow as always.

After breakfast was over and all the dishes cleaned up, Mammon decided to head out to the beach to catch some surf and sun. “MC, you can come with if you wanna snap pics of me on the waves!” he offered. “If anyone’s asking for pictures to be taken, that’d be me...” Asmodeus countered, “After all, I’m the best-looking one here.”

“Wait, are we actually going outside?” Leviathan asked, “Like outside-outside under the sun and feet on the sand?”

“There’s nobody else but us in this resort,” Lucifer replied, “I made sure to book this weekend just for ourselves.” His assurance calmed him down. “I got the ice cream!” Beelzebub called out as you all head out of the condominium, balancing the tubs in one arm and carrying a sleeping Belphegor on the other. “How does he keep falling asleep most days...” Satan sighed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lucifer and Satan relaxed on a couple of lounge chairs, one reading a book and the other napping with sunglasses over his eyes. “Alright, surf’s up!” Mammon called as he ran towards the shore carrying his surfboard, “MC, make sure you got your D.D.D. up taking a video!”

“Already am!!” you called back as you ran after him, “Go catch that wave!!” Leviathan sat in one of the nearby bamboo huts already gaming away, headphones blaring music loud enough for anyone near him to hear it. Asmodeus settled in another, licking a Popsicle Beelzebub handed him to combat the heat. Belphegor eventually woke and looked up from his pillow to see you standing on the shore, water lapping your knees.

Mammon pulled himself further into sea before standing up on his surfboard as the wave began to build up. “Watch this! The Great Mammon is gonna ride the biggest wave of all -!” he boasted before he slipped, yelping as he splashed backwards into the water as his balance gave out. “Instant Wipe Out!!” Leviathan called out, pausing his game just to laugh hard, “Lol, you suck!”

You couldn’t help laughing yourself as Mammon dragged himself out of the water, soaked head to toe making his clothes cling to his muscular body. “Sh-Shut up, I slipped...” he argued, unable to fight a blush forming on his face. You were about to say something to him when something on the water caught your attention.

It was far off, but you could see a boat – a catamaran, to be specific. White sails trimmed with blue and purple lines catching the wind as it floated gracefully on the waves; the boat’s body had a name painted on the side. A name that you barely remember -

“MC?”

Mammon’s voice snapped you back to reality. “You okay? You were staring off into nothing for a few seconds.”

“I saw a boat...” you trailed off as you looked back at the water, noticing the catamaran was gone. “A boat?” Mammon asked, “But there’s nothing out there – maybe the heat’s getting to you.” You felt him pull you away to seat you under some shade; left to grab some ice cream to cool you both.

‘I know I saw it...’ you thought, ‘But where did it go?’

Mammon caught you staring out the sea again, this time deep in thought. “MC, are you okay?” he asked, concern laced in his voice. You turned to him and smiled. “I’m peachy!” you replied, “You’re right, I’m probably just seeing things.”

He chuckled and handed you your ice cream before sitting and eating his ice cream next to yours. You were staring off again after a while, this time worrying him. “I’m alright, really...” you assured, unaware Lucifer woke up hearing your voice shake for a second. “You could head inside for a bit,” the eldest brother suggested, “I understand not all humans could handle the heat.”

You decided not to argue and headed back to the condominium on your own, unaware the rest of the brothers are now getting more than concerned for you. “I don’t think it’s the heat getting to them...” Satan spoke.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That night, you were strangely silent during dinner. “MC, is something wrong?” Leviathan asked, “You were all smiles earlier today and now you seem...down.” You put on your best smile and assure him that you’re just tired. “In fact, I think I’ll just go to bed,” you added before excusing yourself. Mammon was about to follow you but got stopped by Asmodeus, the latter shaking his head.

As soon as you closed the door to your room, the pain in your chest grew heavier. You recognize that boat. You remember all the memories you had about it. Memories that you decided to bury in the deep corners of your mind. “Hey, MC?” Belphegor called from the other side of the door, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine...” you replied, quickly wiping away any tears as he let himself in. He found you seated on your bed staring out the window; sat close and gently draped his arm around you. “Were you crying? Your eyes look puffy...” he pointed out. “Just something in my eye – probably some sand or an eyelash,” you answered.

He decided not to push you any further and planted a kiss on your forehead. “Alright, just holler out if you need company,” he said before getting up. “Thanks...” you whispered as he left.

Sleep was the last thing on your mind, however. So as soon as you felt the brothers had turned in for the night, you quietly left your room and silently padded down the stairs, taking care not to make the door squeak as you headed out. You then made your way back to the beach, the cool night air feeling refreshing on your skin as the salty sea air hit your nostrils. You eventually reached the shore and stood silently, eyes scanning the horizon hoping you’d see that white catamaran again.

“...where are you...” you asked no one in particular.

“Who are you talking to?” a familiar voice asked from behind you. You gasped and saw Lucifer standing a short distance away from you. Besides the fact he looks tired from getting up this late, there was also a hint of worry behind those crimson eyes. “As for why am I out here, I heard you sneaking out,” he explained, “So you can either explain what happened to your mood earlier this afternoon, or I could make you talk.”

You sighed and looked back towards the sea. “There is a reason why I haven’t been to the beach in a long time,” you started, “But I doubt you’d be interested to hear me out.”

“Try me,” he countered, seeing you reveal a small glass bottle with a rolled up piece of paper inside. “When I was a kid, the only family I had was my father...” you began

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You were 10 years old.

You and your father were preparing for another fishing trip for the weekend; loading up supplies on his white catamaran, Angelus Gloria. The weather station said there was gonna be a storm coming in, but neither of you paid any attention as you were both risk takers. “Do you think we’d get a huge catch this time?” you asked as you jumped onto the deck. “We’ll see, kiddo!” he replied, untying the boat from the harbor as you began to set sail.

Unfortunately the storm was much worse that you anticipated. “Hang on!!” he called out as the catamaran rocked and swayed precariously on the rough seas. You couldn’t tell which was louder: your screaming or the boat suddenly splitting apart from being tossed onto some rocks.

The next thing you knew you were tossed overboard, body hitting the freezing cold water hard. Luckily you could swim and immediately grabbed onto the first floating item your hands brushed against – an inflatable raft that your father had hastily prepared moments ago. You climbed in and clung for your life, calling out for your father as thunder clapped overhead. “Dad!!” you screamed, tears mixing with the salt water splashing around you. You eventually exhausted yourself and passed out, curled up alone on the raft.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I was eventually rescued the next morning,” you continued, “But when I told the coast guard that my father could still be out there, they told me they couldn’t find any trace of that boat.”

“Earlier today, Mammon told me that you claimed to see a boat on the water,” Lucifer pointed out, “Was that it?”

You nodded. “I remember those sails; I remember what she looked like,” you explained, “So when I saw her, I thought my father has finally come back.” Tears began to form but you quickly wiped them before they could fall. “But it couldn’t be for real, right? I know the boat was destroyed during that storm, but a part of me kept wishing that somewhere out there my father is still alive; just taking his time to return to me.”

You looked down at the tiny message bottle in your hands. “Since then, whenever I was at a beach I’d stand at the shore; stare out all night hoping to see those beautiful sails.” You forced yourself a smile, but almost immediately felt it turn into a frown. “And every night, I’d prepare a bottled message and send it out to the ocean, hoping he’d at least find one and learn I’m still waiting.”

Lucifer quietly walked closer and gently hugged you from behind. You couldn’t hold back anymore and let the tears out, sobbing and sniffling before falling to your knees; he didn’t miss a beat and fell with you, holding you tighter. “It’s alright, let it out...” he whispered, slowly turning you towards himself to comfort you.

“I’m sorry...” you whimpered, “I didn’t want you to see me like this...”

“You shouldn’t be bottling up your emotions,” he countered, stroking your back; assured you he doesn’t mind you crying into his chest. He stayed in that position until you calmed down; gently wiped away your tears. “Feeling better?” he asked.

You nodded; standing back up with him as you clutched the bottle to your chest. “Hey Dad...” you started, “Sorry I haven’t been around for a long time, but...I just needed space. I just hope my message reaches you, wherever you are.” You then stepped out further, the water lapping around your ankles as you crouched and released the bottle; watched it float away with the tide. “I just hope one day...” you continued, “We’d meet again – even if it’s in another life.”

As soon as the bottle disappeared into the horizon, you let Lucifer lead you back inside; allowed him to tuck you back into bed before retiring to his room.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“You’re all smiles again today,” Leviathan pointed out as you helped him cook breakfast, “Did something happen?”

You giggled and smiled. “Nothing for you to worry about,” you assured as you served up some french toast. “Well, at least you’re back to normal,” Mammon laughed as he poured himself some coffee, “Just don’t get us all worried again – especially me!”

“Must it always be about you?” Asmodeus chimed in, “But I agree – you’re looking much better today, MC.”

“I think we should have a barbecue lunch by the beach today,” Satan suggested, “The weather’s nice out and you don’t get this back in Devildom, so wouldn’t it be a waste if we don’t get to experience that?”

“I feel more like going for a swim,” Beelzebub agreed, “But sure, an outdoor barbecue will beat that any day.”

“You and your love of food...” Belphegor chuckled, “Keep at it and I may get as hungry as you!”

Lucifer nodded in agreement, but secretly still a bit concerned in regards to what happened last night. It was confirmed when you all then headed out and he caught you staring out at the ocean again...but this time with a smile.

Maybe this little beach vacation wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[aibidil]

Betaing 101

So it’s not as if I’m an expert beta, but my experience as a beta in fandom is slightly different than most people’s because I’ve done copyediting professionally. Because of that, I’ve read books on editing and taken editing courses, etc. So! I’m going to give what I think is some useful insight and then, under the break, an excerpt from one of my books. Compiling this has been a good reminder of a lot of things for me, so I hope others can gather something useful here. This is just my take, ymmv, etc etc.

When you agree to beta something for someone new, ask them what kind of feedback they’re looking for. Leave it open-ended so you can hear what they think of first. Some authors will immediately say, “SPaG, please, for the love of god!” and others will say, “There shouldn’t be much SPaG but I really think the pacing is off halfway through, can you help with that? And I’m wondering about the character arc here?” Use this to guide how you approach the task.

If they haven’t already answered this, ask, “Do you want to know if I have any thoughts or concerns about plot or character?” I’ve never had an author say no to this, but you’ve gotta get on the same page. This is trickier in fandom than in other editing, because in fandom we all have strong opinions about the characters we’re editing. (This doesn’t really happen if you’re editing original fiction.) But I’ve had betas comment, “Feel free to ignore this, but would Harry actually do this?” And as an author, I value that feedback, because in fic, writers and readers work within shared character understandings. Of course, I might disagree with my beta in the end. But if I’ve touched on something that is a point of contention in fan circles, I’d rather be aware of it before publishing (or avoid the issue altogether by cutting it, depending on how integral the point is). But that sort of conversation can only happen if you know the author is open to it.

Don’t rewrite an author’s sentence simply because it is not the sentence you would’ve written. This can be harder than it sounds. It simply isn’t your job. Save it for your own writing, or for when a friend asks for help fixing a sentence giving them trouble. The author’s sentence is clear, correct, and serviceable, but you hate it? Grit your teeth and move on. 

In general, if a sentence isn’t grammatical and there’s no simple fix so it needs to be restructured, don’t make the change yourself in tracked changes, but make a comment that does the following: explains the problem and offers one or two possible solutions. Sometimes this comes up because of misplaced modifiers or vague pronoun references, and I know how I would fix it if I were the author, but that’s not the beta’s job. I can give them an example of a way to fix the grammatical issue, and then they can decide how to implement it in their voice.

Do your best to differentiate between comments/changes that are necessary for grammar/syntax and those that are stylistic preferences. Grammarians disagree about all sorts of things. If you’re copyediting in the real world, your job isn’t to find The Absolute Correct Thing, because that often doesn’t exist! Your job is to make the manuscript conform to a style guide, and it’s the style guide’s job to make decisions. (Even then, style guides often leave things open to discretion. Commas, for example, are much more discretionary than one might realize.) So, from the perspective of an author, it’s helpful to know: is the beta making a suggestion that you can feel free to ignore, or is the beta identifying a concrete flaw that needs fixing? I’m not sure there’s a best way to do this, but in google docs it’s possible to comment on a tracked change. So if I think a change needs explaining, I might throw a quick comment there. I might comment, “Moving this here because otherwise it’s a dangling modifier,” or “Feel free to ignore but this flows better to me?” This helps authors navigate your feedback. (As a sub-point here, if you see your author doing something that commonly appears on lists of “OH MY GOD WHY DO AUTHORS KEEP SAYING THIS?!” you can comment with something like: “Just wanted to flag this because I know a lot of readers say they get thrown out of the story when the author uses [‘epithets like the taller man’, ‘tongues battling for dominance’, etc.], but it’s up to you!”)

Speaking of style guides, your fandom might sort of have one? Often the fandom wikia is a good source for correct spellings and capitalizations. In the Harry Potter fandom, I consider Potterwords to be the style guide, and I make manuscripts conform to the conventions listed there. This is where I check for hyphenation (did you know it’s pure-blood not pureblood?), capitalization (it’s Muggle and Squib but witch and wizard), italicization (Summoning Charm but Accio), etc.

Always ask your author if they’re using the Oxford comma. This avoids fistfights. Likewise, ask them if they want you to Britpick. (Or Ameripick, or whatever.)

If you start reading and notice an issue that recurs throughout the fic, shoot the author a message and ask how they want you to proceed. It’s always better to ask. “Hey, I noticed a bunch of sentences that have extra words I could cut, do you want me to do that? [Example.]” or “Howdy mate, I noticed you have a lot of was -ing constructions—do you want me to change those or flag them or anything?” or “I noticed a few spots that seem slow, do you want me to point those out?”

Comment on the things you love. Comment on the things you love. There isn’t an author who won’t want to hear it. If something makes you happy or gives you feels or makes you keysmash, tell them! This serves at least three purposes: it makes your author happy, it tempers the author experience of getting back corrections (which can be overwhelming), and it gives the author feedback of reader reaction. If the author knows their beta squealed at a particular part, they will know for sure not to cut it or change it. :)

Be nice. This probably goes without saying, but I will say that it is harder to be nice when you’re trying to beta quickly. So if you’re rushing or under a deadline or it’s a really long piece, it takes more mindfulness. Think about how you’re wording your comments. “Feel free to ignore” is a good phrase to keep handy, and so is, “This might be nitpicking but.” If you’re chummy with the author, maybe a full-fledged “LOOK I KNOW I AM ANNOYING BUT...”

After you’re done, tell the author what you loved most. It will make them feel good and it will set the proper tone for their reading of your comments.

And of course, in the end, it’s fic—nothing serious hinges on these commas, unlike the commas in the Second Amendment. So if all else fails, err on the side of flail, not fastidiousness. We’re here to have fun, after all. 

Click below the cut for an excerpt from The Copyeditor’s Handbook by Amy Einsohn, with the caveat that, of course, some of these things apply differently in fandom.

Copyeditors always serve the needs of three constituencies:

the author(s)—the person (or people) who wrote the manuscript the publisher—[aibidil note: is the fandom analogue “the fest mods”? lol] the readers—the people for whom the material is being produced

All these parties share one basic desire: an error-free publication. To that end, the copyeditor acts as the author’s second pair of eyes, pointing out—and usually correcting—mechanical errors and inconsistencies; errors or infelicities of grammar, usage, and syntax; and errors or inconsistencies in content. If you like alliterative mnemonic devices, you can conceive of the copyeditor’s chief concerns as comprising the “4 Cs”—clarity, coherency, consistency, and correctness—in service of the “Cardinal C”: communication.

Copyeditors correct—or ask the author to correct—errors or lapses in grammar, syntax, usage, and diction. Ideally, copyeditors set right whatever is incorrect, unidiomatic, confusing, ambiguous, or inappropriate without attempting to impose their stylistic preferences or prejudices on the author.

Copyeditors must strive to strike a balance between being overly permissive and overly pedantic. Copyeditors are expected to correct (or ask the author to correct) locutions that are likely to confuse, distract, or disturb readers, but copyeditors are not hired for the purpose of imposing their own taste and sense of style on the author. Thus when reading a manuscript, the copyeditor must ask, “Is this sentence acceptable as the author has written it?” The issue is not “If I were the writer, would I have written it some other way?”

Most copyeditors read very, very slowly. You must train yourself to read very slowly—slowly enough to scrutinize each comma (”OK, comma, what are you doing here? Do you really belong here? Why?”), to interrogate each pronoun (”Hey, pronoun, where’s your antecedent? Do you two agree in gender and number?”), to cross-examine each homophone (”You there, ‘affect’! Shouldn’t you be ‘effect’?”), and to ponder each compound adjective, adverb, and noun (”Does the dictionary show ‘cross section’ or ‘cross-section’?”). Moreover, you must read slowly enough to catch missing words (a dropped “the” or “a”), missing pieces of punctuation (”We need a hyphen here”), ambiguities in syntax, and gaps in logic.

You should look up anything that you are unsure of. With your dictionary, style manual, usage guide, thesaurus, and other reference books at your side, this is the time to read up on troublesome mechanical issues, brush up on tricky grammar and usage controversies, and verify your suspicions about factual inaccuracies or inconsistencies in the manuscript. 

The copyedited manuscript is always sent to the author for review.

Do not machete a manuscript or rewrite a document unless you are explicitly asked to do heavy editing or rewriting. If the author’s sentences are clear, correct, and serviceable, let them be. Don’t rewrite an author’s sentence simply because it is not the sentence you would have written. A reminder to this effect is posted on many bulletin boards in publishing offices around the world:

It’s hard difficult to resist the urge temptation to change improve someone else’s writing.

Resisting this urge will make your life as a copyeditor easier in several ways. First, you will be able to devote more of your attention to your primary responsibilities: When you resist the urge to recast phrases in your own voice, you are more likely to catch mechanical errors, internal inconsistencies, and grammatical mistakes. Second, your relations with authors will be smoother because they will perceive you as an aide, not as a usurper of their authorial powers. Third, both the copyediting and the cleanup will take less time and be less frustrating. Finally, you will neatly sidestep an issue that often troubles novice copyeditors: “How do I maintain the author’s style?” That issue will not arise if you focus on copyediting—not rewriting—and if you explain problems to your authors and ask them either to resolve the problems or to select among the alternatives you are posing.

[hepburnlangham]

@catsbreads

After finally finishing all the chalices, I have developed the Official Tea™ on all the chalice bosses. This is one hundred and ten percent objective and I am completely right.

1. Pthumerian Descendant. The perfect balance of a boss. This isn’t as great as Kos, Gascoigne, Maria, or any of the story mode greats, but this fight stands out as the most challenging without either being a total parry fest or a beasty clusterfuck. The patterns are hard to read and the timings are hard to nail down, making this fight much more engaging than the standard hunter-type fights. The only thing I don’t like is his boomerang move thing, since he’s gotten some very cheeky kills on me through it, but whatever. That’s mostly my fault.

2. Pthumerian Elder. How many times do we gotta teach you this lesson, old man?? Sit down smh. He comin’, oh lord. He fuckin’ swinging! He’s gonna smack ya with that flaming scythe!!! Oh shit wait he transformed it into a flame crossbow! This old man has style.

3. Undead Giant, Chain variant specifically. It’s an interesting change of pace, since he’s not very aggressive at all so you’re playing offence instead of defence. Figuring out how to safely get in at all is fun, though it can be a really slow fight if you play it safe.

4. Keeper of the Old Lords. Cool hat!!!!!! Similar to Forgotten Madmen in that it’s a fairly standard hunter fight where you just spam viscerals, but it’s neat. :) Defiled version is notable for being the only boss in that chalice that doesn’t fucking suck.

5. Forgotten Madmen. I’m a sucker for PvE hunter fights so this one delivers. Another dude swooces in to give you some combo slaps. The armor they give is very cool. I like shlapping around with the snake scarf.

6. Bloodletting Beast. Thicc boy. He has a lot of slaps to give you. A great iteration of the standard beast boss. The headless version later on gets a special shout-out for being an actually interesting reused boss, since it’s got some new moves that change it up a bit. Plus the weird snake thing popping out is uhhhhh gross in the best way

7. Beast-possessed Soul. Isn’t this that random dude at the bottom of the Healing Church Workshop? I always killed him with a backstab into a visceral before he could even do anything so it’s nice that they fleshed him out into an actual boss. Nothing too complex here, just a nice and simple fight.

8. Blood-starved Beast. The arena gimmick of all that poison water is an interesting addition-- you’re basically always going to be poisoned by the time you get to the final phase. Kind of annoying but it’s interesting enough and the fight was solid enough as is.

9. Merciless Watchers. I find these funny little dudes to be endearing despite being weirdly easy. They appear as pretty regular enemies in later chalices which is cool, good sense of progression. I dunno they’re just neat :)

10. Yarnham, Queen of Pthumuru. The most narratively relevant boss, which is very cool, and the gimmick is interesting, but ultimately it’s, uh… It feels like this boss should have happened a lot earlier? By the time you get to the final chalice, you’ve already been through so much shit that this is a walk in the park. Hell, the two bosses right before her were way harder. I’ve literally never had a problem with this fight. All you gotta do is spam R1. Honestly only saved by being cool and not being offensively annoying in any way.

11. Ebrietas. Weird slug insect beast thing? Who is she. I used two summons for this fight and it took like twenty seconds so uhhhhh lol

12.Loran Darkbeast. Paarl V2. Not a bad fight persay, but it’s not particularly interesting outside of getting punched in the face with electricity. Weirdly easy if you get some momentum going. Kind of just a standard beast boss honestly, but at least this time it’s actually challenging unlike story Paarl.

13. Abhorrent Beast. Suspicious Beggar’s wild twin brother. Cool design, but it’s really obvious he was never meant to be a boss since the fight’s basically the same thing the whole way through. Fighting this multiple times in the fixed dungeons was… annoying. I fought him twice in a row due to the chalice route I chose.

14. Watchdog of the Old Lords. First fight is fun, you fight a big fire dog. He slaps you around like a treat ball a bit as monsters often do with hunters. Defiled version is trash, though. Fire damage barely scales with the HP loss so you just die a lot. Encourages cheesy play, which is always bad.

15. Rom. Did we really need a second iteration of the world’s least spidery spider? No. Now it’s just worse because it has none of the narrative meaning or the cool setting.

16. Amygdala. While I don’t necessarily like this fight much anyway, the Defiled chalice version is incredibly awful. The amount of one-shots this boss has is just infuriating, and the only consistently viable strategies are incredibly cheesy and tedious. The only reason this isn’t at the bottom is because it’s an actual boss that poses actual challenge compared to the next four.

17. Celestial Emissary. This guy is actually a threat for once, unlike how he is in the main story, but even then he’s still really easy. The only way you’re gonna die is if you’re not even trying.

18. Loran Silverbeast. Just a wolf guy. At least it’s one of the less bad enemies that they reused as a boss for some reason.

19. Maneater Boar. The fact that they stopped caring at this point really just jumps out. The pigs were scary when you meet them for like, the first time you ever play Bloodborne, but now they’re just… bad.

20. Brainsucker. This squid boy isn’t even a boss! He has no talent. Awful.